#it's not like i'm aro/ace. i just find it hard to be with one person for a long time

[cepheusgalaxy]

"So, you wanna make them ace?"

Asexuality 101: Making your characters asexual

Indroduction: Ok, so, from what I've seen in fandom and in general, most people don't really know how to write an asexual character. Many just quit it and make them allosexual, others just struggle their way without having much of a guide. Prime example is Alastor from Hazbin Hotel, whom many people want to involve in sexual scenarios so they go with the "asexuality is a spectrum" route. Problem is, they don't understand how asexuality is a spectrum exactly and then they just end up writing their characters as allo. Now, how to avoid this? Teaching them!

If you're looking for a good way to get started with your own asexual oc, an ace headcanon or a media charater, I've got you! (i mention sex briefly here in some parts)

My credentials: I'm ace.

The basics

What is asexuality?

Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is generally defined by the lack of sexual attraction, or a very little amount of it. Sexual attraction is many times confused with libido, which is the sexual desire. Sexual attraction is more accurately, "the desire of having sex with this specific person." Therefore, some ace people do have a libido, and do want to have sex, but mostly are just not attracted to a person.

Myths and misconceptions

Asexuals can't have sex - as many shippers say, "asexuality is a spectrum", and while some aces don't have sex indeed, they can want it and have it as well. Person to person scenario

Asexuals don't know nothing about sex - unless the ace in question is a child, they probably may know, in fact, a lot. Many ace people like reading, watching or consuming smut, and by this and other means, even if they don't have sex themselves, they pretty much know how it is and how it works. Sex is everywhere, after all. Hard to miss

Asexuality is caused by trauma - it can be! Just not always, and most aces are simply born this way

Asexuality is a medical condition - much like homosexuality, asexuality is frequently treated as an illnes and many ace people are forced into conversion therapy. Some people also hold the belief that asexuality is caused by an anormality in a person's hormones, a mental illness, etc. But it is not true! Asexual people can obviously also be mentally ill in some way, but these are different things. It is just a sexual orientation like any other!

Asexuality is caused by HRT - hormone replacement therapy, ie. taking testosterone or estrogen, is one of the most common type of medical transition for trans people. Some hold the belief that taking hormones like those can "break" your sexuality (estrogen does sometimes decrease a person's libido, but it depends on the person's organism and it doesn't take your sexual attraction away from you), and turn you asexual

Asexuality is caused by autism - this myth may be originated from the fact that many autistic people are in fact asexual, or by the fact that both asexuals and autistic people tend to be infantilized a lot. However, as much as autistic people are very commonly also ace, asexuality is not, in fact, a symptom of autism

Basic terminology

Ace - short for "asexual".

Aro - short for "aromantic"; someone who experiences little to no romantic attraction, aka typically "doesn't fall in love".

Allo - somebody who does experience attraction. "Allosexual" is someone who is not asexual, and "alloromantic" is someone who is not aromantic.

Aspec - short for "a-spectrum". The a-spectrum is an umbrella term for anyone who is in any way ace, aro, aplatonic, afamilial, or other identities that fit here.

Acespec - short for "asexual spectrum/ace spectrum". It's a part of the a-spectrum and contemplates all asexuality.

Aesthetic attraction - finding someone pretty or beatiful, without necessarily wanting to have sex with them. Many ace people who didn't know they were ace report to having used to mistake it with sexual attraction.

Sensual attraction - similar to sexual attraction; the desire to touch someone, but without wanting to actuall have sex with them. Many ace people also confused this with sexual attraction.

Aphobia - discrimination against aspec people.

Amatonormativity- the belief that everybody is happier in a relationship, wether they want it or not, and should want and seek to be in one, and the general root of aphobia.

The Split Attraction Model

If you are looking on the ace community for a while, you might have heard of the split attraction model--if you haven't, here it is:

Image description: The Split Attraction Model, a cross chart inside a square, with four ends. The first end of the cross is labelled "ace", its opposite is labelled as "alloce", the third end is labelled as "alloro" and it's opposite is labelled as "aro". The section on the "alloro" and "ace" square is labelled "alloromantic asexual", the section in the "ace" and "aro" part is labelled "aromantic asexual", the section on the "alloro" and "alloce" square is labelled as "alloromantic allosexual" and the section on the "aro" and "alloce" section is labelled "aromantic allosexual". /end ID.

The split attraction model divides all orientations in four groups: The aroaces, the aroallos, the alloaces and the alloallos. It is usually shortened to "SAM".

Many people find this model useful, because it sorts your attraction into two groups: allo- and a-, and yes and no. It's simple and easy.

Many aces do not use this model to explain their attraction/lack thereof though! Hence the first distinction of aces we have here: SAM-aces and non-SAM-aces. Basically aces who use the Split Attraction Model and aces who prefer not to!

A non-SAM ace may define their asexuality as their romantic orientation as well, or label themselves differently altogether. While a SAM ace could call themselves an "asexual aromantic" or an "asexual alloromantic", a non-SAM ace could call themselves just "an asexual". In this case, they can be neither "alloro" nor "aro".

If your character is aware of their sexuality and identifies as ace, it's good to know wether they use the Split Attraction Model for themselves or not.

The spectrum

You may have heard that "asexuality is a spectrum" a thousand times, but what does it mean?

Just like "non-binary", "asexual" can be an identity on its own, but it is actually an umbrella term for a bunch of orientations. When we say that it is a spectrum, we are saying that there is Nuance. "Ace who doesn't date", "ace who dates", "ace who experiences just a little bit of sexual attraction", "aces who like sex" and so on. 'But Angel', you ask me, 'didn't you say that asexuality is when people don't have sexual attraction?' It can be! But there IS nuance, and that's what I am here to tell you.

There are two more factors beyond the SAM that you can consider:

"Are they sex repulsed, sex favorable, or sex neutral?"

Here is the "aces can still have sex" thing. A sex repulsed ace is probably what the majority of people think when they hear "asexual". It is an ace person who doesn't like sex. Doesn't want to have it, is disgusted by it, despises sexual intimacy, etc. They are the aces who tipically just don't want to have sex, and are very happy without it.

A sex favorable asexual is someone who likes it. Sure, they don't feel sexual attraction, but who's letting it stop them, right? They like sexual acts, they are fine and happy with having sex in general, and that's what the "aces can still have sex" point means. Yes, they can, if they want to! Maybe your character themself doesn't define themselves as neither repulsed nor favorable, but it's good to know what their instance on sex is.

Inside the asexual spectrum, where do they stand?

Sex neutral asexuals are aces who are not repulsed by it, but are not really into it either. They may have sex, they may be fine with it, they may like it even, but they generally don't have a desire or strong feelings regarding it. It's just sex, after all.

Sex ambivalent asexuals are another thing I want to touch on. They are tipically aces whose instance on sex changes! Sometimes they may feel repulsed by it, sometimes they may want it, sometimes they may not care. They are neither strictly one, nor another. Their feelings change!

It's good to see where in this categorization your character or blorbo would be.

If I were to represent the ace spectrum as a linear thing, I'd do it like this:

Image description: A linear representation of the asexual spectrum, in the shape of an arch. In one end, it is written "asexual", on the other, it is written "allosexual" and on the very middle, at the top of the arch, it is written "gray-asexual". /end ID.

or like this:

Image description: Another linear representation of the asexual spectrum. One of the ends is a black circle and the other is a white circle. Between them, a gradient goes from one circle to another, passing through different shades of gray. The black end is labelled as "asexual", the white end is labelled as "allosexual", and the gradient with shades of gray is labelled "different kinds of Gray-As". /end ID.

What is graysexual, you ask me? We all know that the world is not black-and-white, and as so, sexuality is also not. Grayace is a term for a person that is also asexual, but not strictly: that is, they are the "feels a little of sexual attraction" part of the spectrum. It is called like that because when we put asexual and allosexual in two ends of a spectrum, graysexuality stands in this gray area.

Gray sexuals may:

Experience sexual attraction only sometimes

Experience light sexual attraction

Experience sexual attraction under certain conditions in certain scenarios, for example, when they are already very intimate with a certain person

And many more! Graysexuality is on itself a spectrum, but having an idea of allosexual -> graysexual -> strictly asexual is already a good guide. Graysexuality can also be described as "having partial sexual attraction".

Fun fact about gray-aces: The asexual flag has four stripes; purple, white, gray and black. The purple stripe is meant to be a color signifier of the community, the white means allosexual, the gray means the gray aces and the black stripe represents people with strictly no sexual attraction. Hence the term "black stripe asexual" (which is not very popular but I personally like).

Micro-labels

You already have a basic understanding of the asexual spectrum and how it works, so you can think on where exactly in the spectrum your character/blorbo is. To help you out further, I present you the microlabels! Much like non binary is an umbrella term with many microlabels like genderqueer, xenogender and demigender, that help one explain their identity with more and more specific explanations, asexuals also have a lot of microlabels! Here are some:

Cupiosexual - asexual person that wishes to have a sexual relationship (example: i am cupioromantic person and i am basically a hopeless romantic and a yearner. cupiosexuality is similar, but with sex)

Gray sexual - asexual person with partial sexual attraction

Demisexual - asexual person who can only be attracted to people they already have a bond with

Abrosexual - person whose sexuality is fluid, and may be asexual at one time, bisexual at another, gay at another, etc.

Aceflux - asexual person whose sexuality changes, like abrosexual, but only between asexual identities

Aegosexual - asexual person who likes the idea of sex or fantasises about it, as long as it doesn't envolve them

Lythosexual - asexual person who is only sexually attracted to people they are not close with, and their sexual attraction fades out once the become closer

Myrsexual - asexual person that uses multiple asexual identities to describe their sexuality

Aroace - aromantic asexual person

Alloace - alloromantic asexual person

Apothisexual - sex-repulsed asexual person

These are not all micro labels in the asexual spectrum, but they are quite a lot. Maybe even if your charater is not sure if they are in a certain label or not, you may find them in some of these descriptions.

Bonus questions

Links to resources with more microlabels: Tumblr post by @aroacesafeplaceforall (no images) /

/ A slightly longer list on asexuals.net (undescribed flags) /

/ Another guide for microlabels on lgbtqia.fandom.com (undescribed flags)

Is it okay if I make my asexual character autistic? Is it not stereotyping? Yes, it's okay. There are actual asexual autistic people, and I'm sure they'd love to get represented as well!

Is it okay if I make my asexual character have sex? Is it not erasure? Yes, you can do that too! As long as it is where they stand in the spectrum (as explained in the topics above), you are doing a good thing by representing sex-favorable asexuals.

Do I have to make a romantic orientation for them too? No. Your character may be a non-sam ace, and identify as ace alone!

I heard that it is erasure if I make smut fanfic of ace character X. I don't get it how! While it is true many ace people have sex, many people when writing that just ignore their sexuality when writing/drawing smut of them! The spectrum is wide, so when you are doing that, remember where they stand on it.

Why can't I headcanon this ace character as allosexual? I headcanon straight characters as gay/bi/pan all the time and nobody says it's wrong! If people don't like my headcanon why can't they just look away? Because asexual people are a marginalized group, unlike straight people, so it is as okay to make them allo as it is to take an asian or black or jewish character and make them white. Because it is not just an individual headcanon; it's a part of a much bigger problem, and by avoiding headcanoning ace characters as allo, you are confronting your own internalized aphobia, which is a good thing! If you still want to make them have sex, well, that's what I made this guide for! So you can make them have sex as you wish without erasing their identity.

I am ace and am basing myself or my own experiences here. Is it okay if I...? The answer is generally yes. If you wanna write about a different ace experience than your own, a little bit of research won't hurt, though!

Is this enough for me to write my ace character? It is a start. This is a general guide, and there are some things I haven't touched on this guide (like aphobia) so I'd advice you to do more in-depth research on topics you want to focus more on, but this should get you pretty far.

Extra

"Is Alastor from Hazbin Hotel canonically ace or aroace?" (slightly related, because some people looking for this guide to write this guy might want to know this too)

Answer: link to a post clearing this up this with some sources. Short answer though, is that he is confirmed to be ace, not aroace.

"If I didn't understand something here, or I have more questions, can I ask you?"

Answer: Yes! You can reblog this post with questions, and my inbox is also open, and I make sure to always let anon on. I will be happy to help if I can.

"One of the image descriptions on this post was off or confusing, can you change it to X so it is better to understand it?"

Answer: Of course! I will need you to signal me in either the notes or in the inbox what I need to change, though.

"Are asexual people queer?"

Answer: Yes! Because the queer community, as the name suggests, is for people who are different, odd, and are not considered "normal" because of that. Asexual people are not a part of "the norm", because we don't feel sexual attraction, and therefore, we, and by extension your ace characters too, are queer.

<2

#writing advice #representation #writing tips #fanfiction #fandom #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #radioapple #radiodust #radiohusk #alastor the radio demon #asexual #asexuality #asexual spectrum #sam ace #non sam ace #aroace #alloace #ace #acespec #ace spectrum #character building #writing asexual characters #queer #writing queer characters #ace characters #asexual characters #shipping #ace alastor #described

[antimony-medusa]

This is verging on discourse, but I have to say, as someone aroace with the emphasis on the aro, it's a trifle disheartening to ever try to look for queerplatonic relationships that look like mine within this fandom. QPRs can cover a broad spectrum of experiences, and it always seems that within MCYT what a QPR looks like has calcified into this one depiction that is very close (but not actually crossing the line) to shipping, just without kissing or sex! With emotional connections that are very similar (but not quite) to romance, hitting many of the same beats. And that just doesn't reflect my experience at all. Personally, I have more fun reading about straight ahead romance than a qpr that hits almost all the same notes, but just doesn't quite go there, that never digs into an aro or ace experience that I recognize, and that is always what I seem to find when I go cruising the tags.

For one thing, QPRs are not just an ace thing, and they definitely don't have to be a sexless thing! You can be aroallo and in a QPR and have sex, or you can be ace and in a QPR and have sex for the sake of your partner, or just for fun! Sex is fun for a lot of ace people, including those in QPRs, and using QPR eternally to mean "sexless" cuts off a large swath of the population that DOES have sex, for whatever reason. And there are tons of ace people who are extremely fine with kissing, including people who are sex adverse, so using a QPR are a shorthand to mean "sexless and also kissless" is only depicting a very narrow slice of the experience.

And QPRs in practice often look very different from romance, including with people who are romance-adverse, and who don't want any of the trappings that normally come with romance (marriage, specific terms like "love" or "darling", metaphors or positioning like "half of my heart" or "soulmate"), and I just never get to see that. A QPR can be two people who sleep in seperate rooms co-parenting a kid! (Or more than two people!) A QPR can be people married together and sharing a bed and holding hands at the movies and calling each other "darling", or it can be people who signed legal paperwork together who call each other "bro", and those are BOTH valid QPRs. But I only ever get to see the one that looks so close to romance that it's alienating to me, while people tell me that I should be happy to be depicted. (I'm not depicted.)

And I'm also frustrated because I have read QPRs that are sharing all the same hallmarks-of-romance-but-no-sex that I would theoretically have a problem with, but they also ring as true to me because people actually talk about what the relationship is and isn't to them, and I go Yes! Not me but I am on a similar wavelength! But so many people just go "QPR" but never unpack the actual ace/aro/aroace experience, so again I'm left with something that is using all the romance and affection tropes that I've come to expect over decades of living in an amonormative society, just slapping a "but it's platonic" on it at the very end. Where's people making assumptions about your relationship that you have to consider whether to correct or not? Where's the inside jokes? Where's the intimacy negotiations and teasing each other about what you want in terms of touch+? Where's the doing life together in a non-romantic way? Where's the epic friendship? Where's the aro experience? (If we're mutuals, you probably write all of these things, and I'm not complaining about you, you're good.)

And it's hard to escape the feeling that at least some of these people are writing QPR because they're afraid of shipping, as I see the tags scroll endlessly by, not because they actually want to depict the a-spec experience.

Some of it is just people not used to writing affection outside of the romance tropes in our society, and some of it is that so many guestures of affection in our society get romance-coded when like, holding hands is not inherently romantic, I know. But sometimes, man, I want to tell people that it's okay to romantically ship, they don't have to keep it platonic, if they're going to write something that is so similar to shipping but has a giant "don't worry, these guys don't fuck" stamped on it.

I don't know, maybe there are even less people like me than I thought. Or maybe the people like me aren't writing fanfiction (lol).

I don't know. QPRs are more varied than they get depicted, and the a-spec experience is special to me and I wish it got written in its diversity. It's frustrating to see only ever one type of QPR, one that is exclusionary to me. I wish I could see the tag and not know exactly what that relationship looked like, or saw something that I felt was strongly influenced by what the characters are, instead of the same sort of sexless romance-lite every time.

#discourse #fandom meta

[ooc-themis-cattails]

Can I just say how much I appreciate the diversity of ace identities in ISAT and all the detail about it?

(spoilers ahoy)

I love how at first Sif sees the porn scroll as "people doing fun things" but later admits it doesn't interest them at all. Their first response is to say what they know they're "supposed" to think it is, what everyone else is probably going to think it is. But then they learn that it's really ok to admit that they're not into it.

At first Sif is like "why does Beau like me?" but after a while they start to find him cute because they understand the emotion behind his feelings, and while they're not sure if they can actually take it as far as a sexual relationship, they're interested in figuring it out, because for them, that doesn't gross them out, it's just not a drive. This is so relatable to me and I love seeing it bc it's not the typical ace in fiction where like, this character is ace so we mustn't put them in a ship because we should assume it'd gross them out. Sif can be ace but not entirely horrified by sex, and Sif may be romantic (I don't know if even Sif knows whether they are romantic or not)-- I suspect they are demiromantic because it's the intimacy and familiarity of Beau's emotions that makes them start to feel things about the moment by the tree, to the point where they miss it when he doesn't try.

Mirabelle going through the dating service papers is the most wonderful scene because this is what it was like to be ace when I was in my early twenties. Most people didn't know it was a thing, and friends/family were very helpfully concerned that you should find a partner in order to not be alone, because the theory was that it was a basic human need for everyone. I did exactly what Mirabelle did, and had the same kind of reaction: "I have to pick one of these people to try dating because I have to figure out how to be sexually interested in someone so that I can do the whole partnership thing that everyone says you need to do in order to have a fulfilling adult life." Looking at pictures of people trying to figure out how to be attracted to them, or what you like, when the answer is really that you're just Not. And you're kind of torn because some part of you knows that this isn't going to work, but the other part of you legit believes that it's like staying hydrated, you have to do it for your own good even if you're not thirsty.

Mirabelle's being into fictional romance and shipping, just not into doing it herself, is also such a good detail. I'm not aro so I can't speak to that myself, but still, it's a thing. She's emotionally invested in the dynamics between people, she loves watching the details of how they play out, and that's completely separate from ever wanting to do it herself. I've seen it in others and I definitely get that from the perspective of an ace person reading smut-- you can very much enjoy a dynamic without wanting to BE in the dynamic yourself.

Sif coming to understand how attraction works from the outside: "Wait, you can't choose who you get a crush on? That explains so much!" The line made me wince because it's so self-deprecating-- they're probably thinking they're not good enough for Beau-- but I also very much appreciate the realism of how... nobody explains to you how attraction works because they assume you know what it's like, and you probably don't ask because it's embarrassing if they assume that you're an immature late bloomer with no experience of the world, rather than someone who will never have a libido no matter what they've seen. It's so easy to feel infantilized or to infantilize yourself if you're not comfortable with your ace identity. Both Mirabelle and Sif are young enough that they struggle a bit with whether this is really their identity or whether they've just not figured it out yet. In reality, at their age, this probably IS who they are. But they're also a bit hesitant to rule it out because it's really hard to know that you are NOT something, and (given that Mirabelle hadn't really considered the possibility that she's aroace) the culture doesn't seem to have a lot of representation or support for the idea. It's obvious to the player, well, if this is how they feel, then they're ace! But neither one of them can quite settle on that for sure. Because, unlike being attracted to someone where you can go "well that sure did happen", being not attracted to someone is a nonproof. So Mirabelle keeps trying, and Sif doesn't know that their reaction will seem valid to others (as evidenced by the change in how they describe the scroll). Odile, who is aro and who seems to be not entirely ace but isn't exactly the thirstiest plant in the garden, has a different position. She seems to pretty much know where she's at, which makes sense for her age, but we can't really tell if she's always been okay with it or if it's been an issue. We don't know if Ka Bu is a more uptight culture, or how long society has been normalizing non-hetero identities, but we do know she had no female role models, so if any of this heteronormative business was an issue, I imagine it contributed a lot to her feeling of outsiderness. I'd love to know more about how Odile's sexuality impacted her life but she's obviously not about to infodump it on a bunch of 20 year olds, so it remains a mystery. Nonetheless it's pretty great that there's an older aro character, illustrating that people have always been this way, it's just easier for young people to discover it now because they feel more allowed to not be heterosexual. [eta: @butterflyknifepoisoning reminded me that I've misremembered this and Odile isn't actually aro, she's had hatecrushes before and explained them to Mirabelle. Which I kind of sort of remember now! Not sure why I thought she was aro, my memory is crap sometimes. It's still a far cry from yamato nadeshiko, but yeah. Point taken]

...In the end, I find it extremely refreshing that there's a whole RPG party here and only ONE of them experiences sexual attraction, and it's a flamboyant gay-seeming dude with a poorly-kept-secret crush on an enby they/he. ISAT is so cool, it's the best aroace representation I have seen in fiction so far ever.

#isat #in stars and time #ace spec #ace representation

[omegalomania]

What are some of your favorite aro-/ace-coded fob lyrics?

oh fuck yes a little bowl of seeds just for me

boycott love from disloyal order of water buffaloes is a personal favorite of mine. its a lyric i really really want tattooed at some point. that's not the only lyric i latch onto from an aro perspective but it's probably the biggest one

basically the entirety of it's hard to say "i do" when i don't but a special mention goes to you are appealing to emotions that i simply do not have as well as the only ring i want buried with me are the ones around my eyes

it's true romance is dead / i shot it in the chest and in the head from the music or the misery is also a favorite of mine, also just that whole song in general

i thought i loved you but it was just how you looked in the light in hum hallelujah resonates with a lot of queer folks i've found, and it's no different for me

same goes for it's a strange way of saying that i know i'm supposed to love you from g.i.n.a.s.f.s.

i'm outside the door, invite me in / so we can go back and play pretend from alone together brings me back to when i was trying to perform heteronormativity/amatonormativity even if it was making me miserable

i also hold to a very similar vibe with she said "i love you 'till i don't" / i am just playing house, no idea what i'm doing now from sunshine riptide and also most of burna boy's verse, frankly. i fell in love but i didn't fall down and feel like i'm bulletproof, baby in particular

american beauty/american psycho, particularly the first verse. i think i fell in love again / maybe i just took too much cough medicine

golden is a big one for queer folks in general i've found. the chorus especially hits hard from an aro and/or ace reading. and i saw god cry in the reflection of my enemies / and all the lovers with no time for me

i've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth is a heavy song no matter how you slice it. but that chorus gets to me in particular: we can fake it for the airwaves / force our smiles, baby, half-dead / from comparing myself to everyone else around me

the kids aren't alright reads to me as one big anthem for platonic love above anything romantic, which resonates super hard with me. the second verse has a lot of good lines that i latch onto from an aroace lens too. your love is anemic and i can't believe / that you couldn't see it coming from me

pretty much the whole chorus of HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON'T does it for me, and those verses have got some good aroallo vibes too! i never really feel a thing... confidants but never friends...

the whole of fake out is a gimme. that chorus rings real true. starts with love is in the air, i just gotta find a window to break out and finishing with but it was all a fake-out

i've got all this ringing in my ears and none on my fingers is one that has another highly applicable title but the whole refrain of the truth hurts worse / than anything i could bring myself to do to you paired with the one-two punch of that second verse REALLY gets under my skin

and of course, the culminating one: you are what you love, not who loves you from save rock and roll. obviously there are a LOT of ways to read that line

there are a couple other songs i latch onto - wilson (expensive mistakes); a little less "sixteen candles", a little more "touch me"; the (after) life of the party to name a few - but the ones listed above are the big lyrics that resonate with me on a personal level

just in general i have a shitton of fob over on my aro playlist (which doubles as a general aroace/queer playlist but has a lot of emphasis on aromanticism) in case i forgot to mention anything but like i said those are the big ones

#askin hours #anon #happy aro awareness week lol ive had this in my drafts for mONTHS and forgot about it #sorry it took so long to answer i have a million asks in my inbox and just do not have time most days #go listen to aromanticism by moses sumney for black history month and aro awareness week btw #now THAT there is an album that rewrote my neural chemistry

[rat-rambles]

Ok Alastor shippers of all sorts, I'm going to put in my two cents and before I get into I'm a pro shipper all around just don't be mean to each other and tags are there for a reason.

My credentials: I'm an gray ace, aro person who's been around Fandom a very long time. Personally I've been initiated with the “but al is ace aro so you can't ship him” discourse and first off that's not true both because we can date -I Have a long term Partner- and because I've explored a lot of my queer identity through Fandom and fanfics and I think others should get the chance to do the same. I'm sure a lot of people will learn they’re ace aro because of alastor. That being said ik a lot of you writers out there aren't ace aro and are new to the topic so I'm going to go over some of my personal suggestions of how you could make Canon compliant works. (And if you do any or find any please send to me I'd love to see it)

Oblivious Alastor

Canonically this man doesn't know he's an ace in the hole. And I don't believe an egomaniac like him would assume that there's anything “different” about himself. ik when I was a baby ace I thought everyone was just being dramatic basically before realizing I was the exception. I can see this going 2 ways.

Radiostatic (pre show): vox is obviously completely smitten with al and al sees dating a more powerful overlord as an advantage(which vox in the past was the more powerful of the two). And Al starts getting slowly more and more uncomfortable and vox gets pushy in a very manipulative way.

Radioapple: enemies to friends to lovers? After Al and Luci become close friends, Luci starts to catch feelings for Al and Al agrees to date him seeing as he is fond of him and he's a very powerful ally so why wouldn't Al date him? As the relationship progresses they’re both confused by Alastor's behavior. Luci tries to be respectful. You know maybe he's just very against pda. And al doesnt understand why he's not feeling the things he's meant to.

I can see Al reverse heteronormativity- ing his way into assuming he's gay because he's NOT straight.

Malicious intent

Same as the last one except Al knows he doesn't have feelings for them like that and is trying to be toxic and uses them. IE what if Al was a gold digger actually.

Maybe I am in love?

Al actually thinks that he MUST be feeling a romantic connection because this is the closest he's ever been to someone and once again, gets steadily more confused as he realizes what he and his partner are experiencing is different.

All of these can end in nice queer platonic bliss and I think any story where Al and his partner discover he's ace after establishing the relationship is inherently interesting.

Last note some ace vocabulary

Ace and aro are a spectrum. Typically with ace people they will self identify as either sex positive, sex negative, or sex neutral. With Al it's generally head cannoned that he's sex negative but that's not explicitly Cannon and sex positive and neutral aces are valid.

Sex negative: is self explanatory it's what everyone thinks aces are; I don't want sex ever the idea grosses me out ect.

Sex neutral: is when someone doesn't have the desire for sex but isn't repulsed by it either. If they are in a relationship and their partner wants to have sex they’re open to it but don't expect initiation on their part.

Sex positive: people have a hard time understanding this because it's the seperating of the need for sex from the want. Typically if a sex positive ace were to never have sex again they'd die happy but if they have a willing partner they are happy to participate. It builds intimacy. It feels good, it's nice but it's not the same as being allo and having that cardinal lust.

note: please know what type your head cannoning Al as in your works when writing it, although people of course can change which they feel they align with, it's important to know how he's feeling about it.

I'm not as familiar with aro terminology but like with ace it's more about the drive the need the anguish. Al wouldn’t in cannon crave romantic connection.

Like with ace it's not actually cannon what type of aro he is some aro people are completely repulsed by the idea of romantic relationships or they only like it in theory (which playing around with the idea of Al liking a relationship in theory but not in practice could be a lot of fun.)

The gray romantic umbrella are aro people who can have romantic attraction to some degree. They’re still aro you can head cannon Al as it but please do a little research into which one you think your version of Al would identify with there quite a few so I'll spare the list here.

Demi romantic is when someone can develop romantic attraction for very specific people, very rarely. These people won't be on Bumble but might fall for someone after knowing them for a few years (or an indeterminate amount of time, my timeline was a year and a half I shit you not) a lot of you are looking for that.

As for kink. Lots of queer people especially are into kink because it's intimate, it's physical, it requires trust but it's not actually inherently sexual a lot of the time. And we do know that Al likes torturing and being dominant so yeah he'd be kinky that's completely canon compliant.

At the end of the day Al is ace aro in the show and that's what counts. Have fun be creative, explore the depths of your queer little minds and please be nice to each other.

(and if any of you make works related to this please please please send them to me thanks)

#hazbin alastor #alastor #radiostatic #radioapple #radio silence #acespec #ace #aro #arospec #aro pride #hazbin hotel #ace alastor #aro alastor

[dotster001]

Okay, I binged "My next life as a villainess" and I gotta defend my girl Catarina

Incoming spoilers for seasons one and two

So Crunchyroll has a comments system, at least on mobile. There were so many comments complaining about Catarina, saying she's so dense and so dumb, and some were like, her being the heroine ruins the show.

And I just want to say....people like her exist! That's literally me! Not even joking, most of her reactions to her romantic prospects are the same exact ones I would make!

Like, some of us aren't good at societal cues. If you want me to know you're in love with me, you have to verbally say, "I'm in love with you, romantically."

Some of us have short term memory. Geordo, as much as I don't trust him, he had the right idea, reminding Caterina a lot about his feelings, giving her romantic gifts, verbally telling her he loved her, not as a friend. I had a lot of respect for that.

Caterina feels very aro-ace coded, which is not to say she's always aro, but sometimes being aro means some days you're aromantic, some days you're not, and sometimes you like a good romance novel, but in real life you can't comprehend how it works.

And an aro ace who was kissed once (looking at you Keith) and then the person who kissed them never brings it up again, never talks about it, goes completely back to normal in terms of interraction, someone with a short memory/attention span, who only knows romance from a literature perspective, who obviously doesn't understand romance from a real life perspective, is gonna assume that it was a) a joke b) a mistake/accident c) the person who kissed them regrets it d) all of the above, or something else.

There's also the level of trauma and stuff that Catarina has gone through, so she may just not have the state of mind to be like, "ah, the guy who engaged himself to me out of guilt, when I was eight, isn't cancelling the engagement because he genuinely loves me." No! Your main focus is survival!

Anyways, people being mean to a heroine who I found myself intimately relating to in a way I haven't before was kind of a bummer, and I felt like someone should stand up for her. Also, I learned I need someone like Geordo, who when I slip into the aro space will remind me how he feels/how I feel. So that was kind of nice 😁

I also highly recommend it, it was super cute, and the characters all had that "chaos reigns" vibe that the twst boys have. Might end up writing for it, cause I'm having a hard time finding fics for it.

#my next life as a villainess #just some thoughts

[comicaurora]

(this ask is based on the, I'm not sure if unfounded, assumption that at least 1/6(?) main crew members has some sort of non-ace/aro attraction): How do you write allo characters as an aro person? I'm one of those annoying allos who's *hyper-romantic* and working on hypersexuality for my own health, so I color most of my writing with that and struggle to write ace people. I know a lot of writers can distance themselves more. I guess I'm just curious how you inspire your characters to act socially outside of the way that you interact, specifically in terms of romanti/sexual relationships. I'm pretty good at getting my characters to engage with the world outside of my way of doing it until it comes to romance.

It's… tough, and I'm working on it. I still need to remind myself that a lot of people legitimately do experience sexual attraction and thus find certain other people in certain situations extremely physically appealing, in contrast to my own platonic attraction (the people I like, I typically like the same amount no matter what they're doing or how they look) or aesthetic attraction (when I like how someone looks in a specific situation, it is still in an extremely hands-off "I'd like to draw that" way).

I can work my way through the logic of romance, I think. I've been told that it doesn't feel the same as friendship, and that it places another person in a somewhat uniquely structural role for one's life. I've heard it described as being someone's "everything-team" - the person they want by their side at any endeavor - which is the only thing I've ever heard about romance that I don't think applies to a good percentage of my IRL friendships.

Romantic attraction is definitely the more confusing one, because everyone I know in a romantic relationship insists it's different than their platonic ones, but can't really explain why or how, only that it is. The thing is, this makes me believe them more. I know how hard it is to explain a unique inner experience to someone who has a completely different one. Their partner is their best friend, or at least top three (understandable) and also in a unique position in their life (confusion??) I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, and I think I love my friends as much as I'm capable of, and there are people I'm friends with who I could see as a theoretical partner - except that it would change absolutely nothing about our current relationship. This is why I don't identify with the label of "aromantic" where I definitely do with "asexual", because I think I experience what people are talking about, I just feel it kinda everywhere instead of nowhere.

So the hack I think I can make work to do this in my writing is:

Sexual attraction is like aesthetic attraction, but with a hands-on component. Replace "I want to draw that" with "I want to get my hands on that" and go from there.

Romantic attraction is evidently its own beast, but it contains concepts like "I trust this person implicitly," "I care about them and want them to be happy," "I would be happy coming home to this person," "I want to protect them," "I like that they care about me," and "this person helps me see the world in a different way" which are all individual sentiments I understand, even if I personally feel them about a large number of people rather than a single Special Someone. Point them at a single Someone and have the two characters involved act accordingly, and I can probably pull a romance out of it.

Like all writing-an-alien-situation stuff, it mostly pays to identify the specific details that correlate to things you DO understand and then extrapolate from there. Or you can fake it and black-box their motivations and be like "here's where I'd put their sexual attraction to each other if I had one"

#asks #writing stuff

[lgbt-cishet-movie-tournament]

Most LGBT cishet movie?

Movie Submissions!

Sometimes a cishet movie is a hit in this community even without any stories or characters reflecting us (or at least not explicitly or intentionally or... tastefully). Either because of its campiness and witty banter, its drama, its weirdness, amazing soundtrack and costumes or its diva-like personality taking center stage. Please don't take this poll seriously.

Examples of movies that follow the rules below:

The Wizard of Oz (1939), Clue (1985), The Exorcist (1973), The Servant (1963), The Sound of Music (1965), Heathers (1988), Little Shop of Horrors (1986), All About Eve (1950), Jawbreaker (1999), What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962), 9 to 5 (1980).

Rules for Submissions:

Please don't fight we're literally just ranking the straightest gay movies and transest cis people. The most conforming and queer paradox.

Because of the tendency of this site to call something "gay" just because 2 conventionally attractive men stand next to each other for 5 seconds, I'm not counting shipping possibilities that much. The level of drama, camp and the number drag parodies it has is way more important than possible romantic relationships or sexual tension in submitted films. Also there's ace and aro people voting. Keep them in mind!

It has to be cishet but somehow still queer. Can be the camp, general weirdness, gnc clothes, sassiness, the inclusion of a diva, accidental coding, or some other secret option. Honestly if you find a way to reason so hard it works, you could even try to submit The Godfather (... it is very quotable...)

Submit movies that aren't just American!

Submit movies that are cult classic masterpieces or movies that objectively suck!

I love Mamma Mia but it does have gay characters. This poll came about because I found that a lot of older movies had queer fans that were able to connect to others through these movies while creating their own spaces. This was despite the movie being "straight and gender conforming". I love that there's more rep now, but I'm aiming for this to poll contain more vintage movies for a reason. and I want to expand my watchlist. I'm aware that there are movies from the 70s, 1920s, and other older eras with explicitly gay themes and characters like Victim 1961 or Salome 1920 (and I encourage you to widen your scope of historically significant films) but this isn't that poll.

Old movies with very stealth trans or gay coding with its side characters and unintentional lgbt+ coding is allowed, but you know these things can be hit or miss. Besides, I put Heathers on here even though it's homophobic. Fun but homophobic. You can submit movies with homophobia or conformist themes to a degree.

You can submit propaganda videos, text, and images! If you know any drag parodies of the movies, send them my way!

If you don't want to submit directly, you can @ me

Posts with polls will be tagged as #mlcm poll. Movies posts with #user submitted or #user submission means it was submitted through the google forms and will enter the tournament

Given that not a lot of people watch older movies, the battling polls will be paired by decade until it gets whittled down to the finals where old and young will both compete.

Competition will start May 1 in honor of The Wicker Man 1973, which i wish counted as a poll entry, but I limited myself to one movie I'd slip into the tournament despite the fact that there's not a lot of lgbt fans of the movie. And this was my runner up because I really liked The Exorcist's Regan and Karras. Unless someone else submits him, Wicker Man's not gonna be there. Rest in Peace Christopher Lee and his ugly blonde wig.

#mlcm tournament #xanadu #the wicker man 1973 #horror #lsoh #dolly parton #lgbt #movies #polls #tournament poll #all about eve #whatever happened to baby jane? #q slur

[acewithapaintbrush]

I wish every closeted aro/ace person, who is constantly being pressured by family to finally get into a relationship, the same experience upon coming out that I've had with my mother:

Since the moment I entered the age where you are supposed to become interested (in my case) in boys, my mother had been a real bloodhound about it. Every boy that crossed my path was a potential boyfriend. 

The older I got, the worse it got. 

Some man asks me if I want to take turns on the equipment in the gym with him? "Ohhh, he was totally flirting with you! Go talk to him!" 

A waiter is nice to me? "Did you see how he looked at you? Wasn't he awfully nice to you? I think he likes you!" 

It never went farther than comments, but those were quickly becoming very annoying, especially since I had known for quite some time by then who I am. 

One day, some years ago, we are watching TV and there is a lot of talk about sexuality and stuff and suddenly I'm like 'Fuck it' and turn to her and ask: "Do you know what asexuality is?" 

"No." 

So I explain it to her. How I don't feel any sexual attraction. How, for the longest time, I didn't even know what sexual attraction was supposed to be like, that I thought it was a fabrication of the media. 

"I'm not interested in sex. Actually, I'm not interested in a relationship at all. That's arosexual. I have no desire for a partner. Having kids would be the worst thing that could happen to me. I'm happy alone and I want to stay alone."

"That's who I am." 

And she sits there and listens to me and I don't even know what I expect. She is a loving and open minded mother, but for years her only goal seemed to have been getting me into a relationship. 

So I watch and talk and she sits and listens and at the end of it she is like:

"Okay." 

"Okay?" 

"Yeah, I get it. I mean I always wanted family and kids. But that's me. I can totally understand not wanting any of that."

And while I'm still sitting there, not exactly shocked, but definitely pleasantly surprised by her easy acceptance, she goes on and on. 

"Kids are hard work and they completely change your life and they are expensive. If you don't want any, you definitely shouldn't have any." 

"I can see every day how happy you are with your life the way it is, and I'm really glad. There is nothing worse than wanting a relationship and not finding the right one. But there is also nothing worse than forcing yourself into a relationship just because you don't know how to be alone." 

"Everyone should live the life they want. Isn't it great that you young people can do that now? Not even 50 years ago you had to be married, you couldn't even open a banking account without a husband! But today women don't need a man for anything!"

And the conversation just slowly peters off and it is finally done. From then on, I am known and understood. 

And wouldn't you know it? The matchmaking completely stops. Not one more comment. Not a single one! 

Going from a mother who couldn't ignore even the most vague interaction between me and a man without making a comment, to a mother who never brings anything like that up again, was quite jarring, to say the least. 

But very appreciated. 

Some weeks ago we once again (as we sometimes do) get to talking about this and I'm like "I was actually kinda surprised how well you took it. I expected more of a pushback." 

"What? Why would you think that???" 

And I'm incredulous, because "You spent YEARS throwing every man who so much as looked a little too long at me my way, insisting that every smile and glance meant that they were flirting with me. And you ask me why I thought you would take my complete disinterest in a relationship badly?" 

And my mother sits up straight and grows very serious and says with conviction:  

"I only did that because I couldn't understand how you never noticed the attention you were getting!" 

"Huuh?" 

"Boys and men would flirt with you and you never noticed! Never! And I thought, how can she not notice? It's so obvious! It was driving me crazy!" 

"Let's ignore the part where I still don't think smiling and being nice equals flirting… You're telling me that you were only constantly pointing these things out to me, because you thought I was being an oblivious idiot and you needed to… help me?" 

"Pretty much, yeah." She doesn't even sound sorry. "How was I supposed to know that you actually weren't interested at all? I just thought you were being dumb and not picking up on some veeeeery obvious signs. Of course I had to help my little dummy." 

So, to make my long story short: Her comments were never meant to pressure me into a relationship because she thought that's the only way to live your life. She simply thought her daughter was an oblivious idiot. 

I wish you all parents like my mother. Whose weird matchmaking is just an expression of their belief that you are hopelessly unaware of social and romantic cues and that you idiot need all the help you can get, but who, upon learning the truth, will accept you for who you are and will be proud of the person you are. 

#aro/ace #aroace #asexual #ace pride #asexuality #arosexual #coming out story #This is very personal but I've wanted to put it into words for a while now and finally managed #Thanks for your attention

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hello! If you don't mind, this is half a vent and half an ask both to you and to your followers who have had some experience?

I feel like I want certain aspects of a romantic relationship, the idea of having someone "special" is very appealing. Especially since I find myself falling in the trap of romance tropes, and I really do feel that I want to find that one person who I'd feel safe being physically close with, and not just because I turn my brain off to suffer through it but to actually enjoy it.

I know that I'm rather attracted to men, in theory at least, but whenever there's even remotely a thought in my brain that a polite conversation may turn into something more I get nervous, kinda in a bad way. I feel like I want to put a barrier in and I'm afraid they'll be reading into my behaviour too much. It makes me feel as if I like to play pretend in my head but I'm too much of a coward when real life gets involved.

I've been identifying as ace for years now, and I just turned 24. No experience in the dating department, I've been slowly making my way to accepting being at least arospec as well, possibly just aro, but for some reason it's been so much harder for me. Asexuality just clicked. This I think I may be fighting because the idea of a relationship seems too nice to give up and I've already had a bad experience with an extremely undernegotiated QPR (ended quickly but left a bitter taste nevertheless).

I just wish I could not think about it? But I also feel like the societal expectations of romantic attraction are much more pressing than sexual one. I don't want to lead anyone on, and I don't want to feel this little bit of dread whenever I have a conversation with a guy who I know doesn't have a girlfriend. That's another sign of being aro, right? Being able to be comfortable only when the possibility of the other party wanting you romantically is non-existent.

Sorry for this being so long. Thank you for listening, either way.

Romance definitely has a hard to explain quality to it, and I think that can make it questioning if you're aro especially tricky. It is possible that anxiety you're feeling when a situation could turn romantic is a form of repulsion. It's not uncommon for romance repulsion to feel more like anxiety or nervousness, and for people feel like wanting to go and hide. Alloromantic people can be nervous too sometimes, but it usually comes with a feeling of anticipation and still being drawn to the other person. Or they will usually have either trouble with anxiety in other areas, or issues with romance (romance related trauma for example). Sometimes it can be tricky to know exactly what it is, but if the stuff below doesn't sound like you at all, than repulsion is a likely explanation.

The other thing I would point is that fully alloromantic people often have people in real life they are experience a romantic pull towards, who they really want to be in a romantic relationship with. And if you're not experiencing that, that could also be a strong sign of being aromantic.

Being aromantic, and even romance repulsed, if you are, does not mean you can't have a very important person in your life. I know you mentioned a QPR that didn't go well, and it's up to you if that's something you ever want to try again, but even if you don't. remember that deep bonds can come in all forms of relationships. All types of relationships, including friendships, familial relationships, etc. have the potential to be very special of very deep if you end up connecting to someone in the right way. So whatever path you choose to take, don't feel like this isn't possible.

I'll throw this out followers too if anyone wants to share their own thoughts or advice.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

#vent post

[arotechno]

sometimes i think about the early days of me identifying as aro, and often i try hard not to preach about The Old Days because it's not like they were better, but i think for a lot of people newer to the community it's not always clear how surreal the past few years have been for me and many others.

i'm NOT that old. i'm only in my 20s and i've known i was aroace for less than ten years. but sometimes even that is enough to make me feel ancient. i remember when there were just, basically no dedicated aro spaces. very few aro blogs on tumblr. impossible to find aro merch, barely any aro creators on youtube and the like. we hadn't even unified around the current flag yet, in fact we were a couple iterations behind. ace stuff too, there were a lot more ace blogs and youtubers etc. than aro ones, and AVEN was already a long-standing thing, but still far less than there is now.

i'm sure if i was a bit more persistent and a lot less 15 and scared i could have found more out there, but the point stands that aro communities in 2014 were extremely insular. offline, i was the only aro person i knew, and i was deep in the closet. i only learned about being aro by accident, and i had to navigate it on my own. it took me more than a year to actually say it out loud, to myself in the mirror, because i couldn't externalize it. there was never a moment of relief at realizing who i was. it was a dawning understanding of something i always knew, and then it became my deepest secret, because there was nobody i could tell who'd understand. i didn't make aro friends online until much later.

the aspec community online, on tumblr especially, was decimated in those intervening years, and i had the "benefit" of already being closeted during those times, so i avoided the worst of the harassment that people who were openly aspec online were getting. but it did push me further into the closet and leave me with significant issues. but then, things got a little better. aro blogs started popping up. in fact, i won't name names because i'll embarass us all but if you're seeing this and you ran an aro blog in 2017ish, thank you, because you are literally the reason i decided it was safe to be openly aspec on tumblr again, and here i am.

of course, nothing is ever perfect. every community has both internal and external problems, and we're still working on ours. we've got a lot to fight for. and every time i think about all the culture and terminology we lost in the mid 2010s, i do get a little sad. but during pride month this year, i drove past a storefront that had pride flags painted in the window, and i almost started crying on the bus, because one of them was an aro flag. it was the first time i'd ever seen an aro flag in person that i didn't own.

for me, being aro was very isolating for years and sometimes still is. it's surreal (in a good way!) when i hear that kids now have multiple out aro friends irl, because it was only ever just me. but i think about myself as a young teenager, alone trying to string together an aro pride bracelet for myself in my bedroom, and to have known that in 8 years i'd be out, i'd have a community, i'd cry on public transit during pride month... well, i just wouldn't have believed it at all.

#aro #aromantic #aro community #op #long post #no literally if you were here in 2017 even if you don't have an aro blog now even if you no longer id as aro #i owe you one and will never forget that #y'all were the bravest people in the world to me

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

ace/aro-spec convexian cannibalism headcanons

this is what it says on the tin!! I'm basing this loosely off of my convexian cannibalism oneshot fic series, where the fics all sort of slot into the same "universe"

CW: discussion of sex, starvation and cannibalism ahead

SO, I think that Cub, Scar, and Grian are all ace/aro-spec (and autistic but that's not so important here) in my au universe. And I find it fun to explain so I am going to do so.

Note: I am aroace-spec, autistic, and polyam and I am projecting hard. No hate please. Don't like, don't read! ^-^

Grian

An asexual who doesn't particularly seek any kind of sex but is down for whatever if the right person (ahem. Scar) comes along

Way more into sensation-seeking than actual sex acts

His Watcher Powers (TM) make it a lot easier for him to handle pain, after the first few minutes of getting cannibalised his mind drifts off and it all becomes more about Feeling than Pain

He's also accidentally hacked his bird instincts to be kind of into the whole 'being perfect prey' thing

But he doesn't like to mix sex and cannibalism, that makes him uncomfortable - roleplaying as prey or whatever is more like a signal of trust and weird intimate comfort

He likes to 'switch off' his overactive and often stressed brain and just act as prey / food for his partners sometimes - it is a very good de-stressing technique

His Watcher instincts enjoy being the one to Do Cannibalism every so often - this is how he feeds (pretty much only on Scar)

He finds the thrill / adrenaline and sensations of The Cannibalism (TM) really fun, and a way to be intimate without sex

He is not aromantic, but he get embarrassed by most romantic acts

However he will say "I love you" to his partners as a response to them saying it... usually he's not the one to say it first

Scar

Both aro and ace-spec

He has to really really get to know someone before he starts 'falling for' them, and hates the idea of sex with someone he isn't very close to

He's known Cub for a long time and they have a Vex Bond (TM)

With Grian, Third Life really sealed the deal for Scar (though he had a bit of a crush for a while) - he would Vex Bond (TM) with Grian if he could

He's very bad at acting on his feelings, so he waits until someone else says something (usually)

He is, however, outwardly flirty and makes (sometimes unintentional) dirty jokes

He enjoys sex but doesn't require it. It's just another fun thing he can do, alongside the cannibalism. They are very similar to him in terms of enjoyment.

He's also a bit of a masochist, willing to go through a lot to make his partners happy (he has been eaten many times) (and it hurts a lot, but he kind of enjoys it)

Despite the masochism, he still respects his partners' discomfort with sex, and can usually channel the pleasure into something non-sexual if they ask. This usually manifests as vex instincts going kind of crazy

When it comes to cannibalism, Scar is a vex and therefore has to eat other players to survive. He used to starve himself until forced to attack and feed, but after Grian offered to help him, he gained a healthier relationship with feeding

His vex nature comes out when feeding, and he especially enjoys inflicting slow deaths (torture makes vex brain go brr) as well as nesting and 'storing' prey (keeping Grian in a nest for a few days before the cannibalism begins)

He's the most eager to say "I love you" and is very outwardly affectionate. He gets excited to show his love since he feels it quite rarely

Cub

Aroace and has sooo much autistic rizz (well. they all do)

He's mostly grossed out by sex and doesn't want it anywhere near him. Though he finds Scar's innuendos very funny and once in a blue moon he will be down for some messing about

It takes a very special kind of person for him to actually 'fall in love' and he doesnt tend to say "I love you" to many people

Most of the time he seems kind of dry and unemotional but on the inside hes got a lot of feelings

Those emotions show when he gets excited ("LETS GOOOOO") but usually even when happy he seems quite neutral

Grian and Scar are his special people, but even then, Cub is rather awkward with affection and finds it hard to understand his own feelings

With Scar, the Vex Bond (TM) is like a QPR, which helps Cub understand things, but after he and Scar began 'hunting' (see: asking nicely to cannibalise) Grian together things got more complicated and he was hit with an unexpected crush

Which was scary and unexpected because Cub never feels that way about anyone aside from Scar

'Vexes hunt in pairs' is a thing - it makes their instincts very happy and strengthens the Vex Bond (TM)

Cannibalism definitely also helps him get his feelings across without having to talk

Scar was a born vex but Cub was human-turned-vex, and Cub was always quite nervous about the cannibalism thing (so was Scar, but he played it off)

To keep him from starving himself, Scar offered to feed Cub, which Cub accepted reluctantly, but after Scar and Grian's arrangement was established in early season 9, Cub was quickly introduced into the fold

Cub wants to say "I love you" to Grian, even though he doesn't say it often at all

^ It must be made clear that he isn't feeling pressured into saying it, he's just very scared of the words and wants to overcome that fear (as he did with Scar) - it feels strange to admit he loves someone, because it happens so rarely and he feels very strongly about his aroace identity. But he has to come to terms with the idea that he can have love for his special people while remaining solidly aroace.

He also likes the feeling of Grian's feathers #autisticking

#ben chats shit on the internet #hermitcraft #hermitblr #hermitshipping #convex #scarian #convexian #grub #grian #scar #gtws #goodtimeswithscar #cub #cubfan135 #cubfan #cannibalism #suggestive #headcanons #acespec #arospec

[prince-liest]

Your Angel/Lucifer fic was wonderful!! I’ve also read most of your 666 series and remember in the notes of one of the stories that you mentioned something about Alastor being aroace and that’s why he experiences things the way he does in your fics. I felt like that was portrayed very well!! I also felt like Lucifer not being that way, being overtly attracted to Angel was well written!! I was just wondering how you’re able to write both sides of the coin as well as you do?? I’m asexual and I don’t think I even realized I was writing all of my NSFW fics from an asexual perspective on things until I compared some of your works. I guess that kind of attraction just feels so out there for me it’s hard to imagine anyone feels that way?? I’m not sure lol…

In any case!! I was wondering if you had any tips on accurately portraying an allosexual character?? I feel way out of my depth now that I’ve realized there is a readable difference.

AH, thank you so much! It's funny that you say that because I was just thinking about how writing NSFW from Lucifer's POV after Alastor's POV is actually really funny to me given the sharp contrast in how they experience sex and intimacy. I'm glad that they come through properly!

When I write NSFW from the perspective of an allosexual character (which is most of my NSFW), I'm not really thinking, "Hm, this character is allo. How does that affect things?" Rather, I'm still very much just writing what I want to see. There's a text post that was going around the other day that said something to the tune of, "When I say that man is fuckable, that does not mean I want to fuck that man. / I want someone else to fuck that man for me." and I'm definitely channeling that, hahahaha.

Not all aro/ace experiences are the same and not all allo experiences are the same, so a lot of it comes down to how I think a specific character would feel as a whole rather than their sexuality alone. I wouldn't write Vox the same way I'd write Lucifer, either, and a not-insignificant part of Alastor's detachment comes from him being an asshole on top of being aroace, haha.

Nonetheless, some concrete things about how I write these particular characters differently:

When you are writing in third person limited like I do, what you describe is often a reflection of what the character is paying attention to. I spend relatively little time describing Vox's body from Alastor's POV. Describing Alastor's body from Vox's POV would be, uh, a time, let's just put it that way.

Lucifer very much thinks that Angel Dust is hot, and he will admire him, both plainly and when Angel takes advantage of his obvious attraction to do something cute

Lucifer wants to touch Angel Dust for reasons of "I think it would just be nice to touch him" rather than always for a specific goal (eg. Alastor mostly touches Vox to get fun reactions)

The goal for Lucifer is sex with Angel, not sex, and Angel is helping that happen or even messing around with Angel, and sex is helping that happen

When you're a guy who's mostly been having sex in the context of a loving, committed relationship for millennia, sexual contact is intimacy is vulnerability is emotional connection, and all of those things can get really tangled up in one another.

I've streamlined a lot of it into just code-switching into the characters' heads to the point where I don't really keep these things explicitly in mind, so I hope that this was at least a little helpful!

...Also, honest to god, I've just read a lot of porn, and most of it is obviously not of ace characters. Over the years, you pick up what you find hot, LOL.

#ask #personal #Anonymous #nsft #writing advice #honestly I think the most concrete tips are p much “Describe Attraction Because It's There And It Matters To The Character I Promise”

[bloggingboutburgers]

Hey, so I'd like to start off this by saying that I'm very certain that I'm straight.

But.

I find most of your comics very relatable, especially the ones where you struggle to understand how people try to put romance/sex everywhere and make it the central part of their lives.

Like, I've had conversations with my friends who seem to think that not finding a romantic partner is some sort of personal failure or a life not worth living.

And like, i get the appeal of romance and sex. It's there for me too, but. There's also video games and books and food and cats and looking at the stars. Why spend so much time and effort on this 1 thing?

One guy i know even said to me that he's only pretending to be friends with girls if he thinks it increases his chance of finding a girlfriend. Like, he's given up on being friends with half the population just for that?! I can't understand that at all.

Sorry if i ranted for too long, but do you have any idea why im like this or they are like that, it's really been bugging me recently.

Thank you so much for reaching out!! Honestly, it's always a relief when someone who doesn't identify as ace related to those things I express. Because yeah, I don't believe that should be an ace-only thing, really!

I've got guy friends, most of which are very supportive of my queerplatonic partner and I, and have been supportive of me being asexual before that. But people like that one guy you mentioned are why I always have that conditioned initial sort of "fear" of guys in the back of my head, and I hate it.--" It makes me implicitly disrespectful of guys who may mean me no harm or have zero ulterior sexual or romantic motives. I'm very glad I have those friends as proof that not everyone thinks this way – and I'm very glad I have those friends overall because they really rock.

But yeah, I honestly don't get the whole idea of why it's portrayed as so freaking crucial to the human experience as if it were an obligation. There could be many reasons. On the one hand, I guess being romantically or sexually excited brings in levels of dopamine that act pretty quick and hard and that might be why people latch on to it – my bad if I misunderstand that, I'm definitely not a sciency person, and I don't understand those appeals at all as an aro-ace, so I might be totally wrong about this. On the other hand, there might be a result of deep-rooted societal and traditionalist constructs of "people must get paired and make lots of equally traditional babies". Though not everyone agrees with traditionalist principles, and yet a lot of people will hyperfixate on those ideas of love and sex as ultimate single ideas anyway. So I'm not sure. I'm one of the least well positioned people to get it, really TwT But it's always a big reassurance when other people of any orientation take a look at the situation and are like "that's not all there is". I truly appreciate it.

#logorrhea5mip #thank you that was valuable input #allonormativity #asexuality

[my-lonely-thoughts]

I've recently realized I'm aroace and I wanted to talk about it :))

Growing up, I felt so much love for what would be called my "best friends" at the time. I usually had one 'best' friend and would give gifts to, spend all my time with, message them good morning and goodnight, go out of my way to communicate and go the extra mile to show so much love to them because I did/do love them!!

And it always felt so much stronger than my other friendships.

It's hard to explain but sometimes I 'fall in love'? So to speak? with a friend sometimes and it opens up gestures I want to do that I didn't have the desire to do before.

However, these acts/gestures/feelings were always assumed to be romantic (because most of them are tied to romantic culture) and so these friendships sort of blew up in my face every time because I really struggled with wondering if I must be romantically attracted to them. (Or they blew up because the other person started feeling romantic attraction for me).

That, and being raised to find "the one" and being told that it'll "click" for me one day, until that day never came.

And my life really started to change once I realized that libido is different from sexual attraction, and that there is such a thing as QPR's!

Once I learned more about aromanticism and asexuality, and the beautiful spectrum it is, things started to click into place.

I feel like I was always expected to go juuuuust a bit further than friendship at some point but I never wanted to! I really am okay with just friends! Or a qpr! I don't desire/want anything romantic/sexual! And that's okay!

I even remember the very first time I came out. I came out as asexual and was immediately shot down and told I'd find someone one day. I was 15. Now I'm 21 and after coming out like 15 times as a million different labels, I feel really happy that I'm not having this internal battle anymore and trying to force myself to feel something I simply can't/don't.

Aro/ace for the win 💚🤍🩶🖤 💜🤍🩶🖤

#aromantic #aromantism #asexual #asexuality #lgbtqia #queer #lgbtq #aroace #aro pride #ace pride #my lonely thoughts

[hazelfoureyes]

hello love! i hope this question isn't too personal/straightforward (if it is, please just ignore it, there's no pressure to answer it!)

I just wanted to ask how you found out that you're aromantic? I thought I was asexual for a long time (turns out I am not at all) but I still wonder if I'm aromantic sometimes... I have never been in a relationship either and don't really have an urge to change that but I do find myself longing for physical contact once in a while?

sorry, this got kinda long, i hope you have a great day and take good care of yourself! 🩵

Trying to make Alastor display more romantic tendencies and struggling because I’m just writing down my own confusion on the subject 🫠

let’s get real on main, ya’ll!

It’s really hard to pin down being aromantic, because you’re trying to identify a feeling you don’t have. Like entering a very lovely room and living there your whole life, and then someone walks in one day and says, “We took out one item before you moved in. What item is it?”

There’s nothing missing from my room, as far as I can tell?? The fuck do you mean??! Yes I see my neighbor has a salad bowl but I’ve not once needed a salad bowl and honestly I’ve never enjoyed a salad in my goddamn life. Never had a meal and thought, “know what this needs? A salad.”

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Researching Aro/Ace spectrum for writing tipped me off, because I kept googling “What makes someone aromantic” and getting frustrated, “Yes yes but what differentiates them from people like me??”

and then all these memories bubbled up in my mind

❥When everyone began dating in middle school, I said to my mother, “I have friends, I’m too young for sex. Why would I date?”

Because I didn’t know there was something else people got out of dating.

❥I would have crushes on people, and they’d asked me out, and I’d be so confused. No no—- I—- no, I just have a crush on you. I didn’t realize “crush” meant something different for them.

❥My sister lamented her best friend and her began having sex, and she wished they could have a relationship. I was so confused— fucking your best friend? That’s a relationship minus the titles. Again, didn’t realize there was more people experience.

❥What’s a romantic dinner? My friend listed all these things— alone, dancing close, looking into each others eyes, holding hands, deepening that connection. My dumbass said, “candles.”

❥If someone tried to maintain eye contact during sex and start talking to me about love, I’d kick them in the neck. The idea of someone looking at me longingly, trying to “make love”, makes my skin crawl.

❥Even now, if you ask me, “What’s the difference between your partner and your best friend? Why date person A but not person B?” Well person A is the person I’m sexually attracted to, my penultimate best friend, and I don’t get tired of their presence. I love them both dearly, truly love them. But I don’t (can’t?) feel a different love for my partner than I do my friends. It’s the same feeling for me.

I can’t help you figure it out, but I hope you find yourself happy to be as you are whichever label fits. I tried to give lots of examples of how my aromanticism appears in my life, hoping maybe you and relate to any of it. 🥺💖

#arospec #aromantic #ace alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel fanfiction