#it's been MONTHS since i last wrote so idk how i feel about this overall but ! we press on ! and it's worth it for them<3

[ourlovelines]

a tired moment.

setting: royalverse / pairing: catalina x nicholas / word count: 1.4k

Running a hand down his face, Nicholas waited for the audible click of the door closing before sighing, his eyes slipping shut as he rested against it. Returning from a late-night meeting, full of fake smiles, forced pleasantries, and having to soothe egos of men twice his age over the fact that his father had delegated these meetings to him, although last minute -- their thinly-hidden glares resting over him as if the Crown Prince title he carried meant nothing to them. “What a good load that meeting was anyways…” Nicholas muttered, pushing up from the door, “we didn’t get anywhere.”

Shaking his head, he couldn’t help the small smile pulling at his lips as he walked up the stairs and towards their bedroom; the remnants of still-held tension leaving his body with each step, loosening from being Crown Prince Nicholas and relaxing into just Nicholas - who had nothing to worry about other than being Catalina’s boyfriend and making her happy in their little bubble for the next two weeks.

Quietly opening the door, Nicholas stuck his head into the room, checking to see if Catalina was still sleeping, his eyebrows furrowing momentarily as he found the bed empty before an inelegant, but oh-so-fond snort was pulled from him. Stepping inside, Nicholas slipped his suit jacket off, placing it within the clothes hamper next to his wardrobe, “Hopefully you’ve fallen back asleep,” speaking to no-one in particular, the prince walked back out the door, setting his path for further within the duchy, already having a guess where Catalina had disappeared to.

The call from his father had come just shy of an hour after Catalina had retired for the night, having previously been resting in the armchair in the corner of the duchy’s office despite Nicholas’s best attempts to convince her to go to bed before him.

Reaching the last set of paperwork he needed to look over and sign off on, he stood, walking over to the armchair and kneeling beside it, “Darling, you should head to bed, your eyes are having trouble staying open,” smiling at his girlfriend, he grabbed the bookmark off the side table and placed it within the folds of the book, “your book can wait until the morning.” A low chuckle filled the space between the two of them as he took the book from her hands, “You, on the other hand, cannot.”

“But I don’t want to leave you here alone, Nick. I know you don’t like--” Catalina’s sentence cut off, a yawn overpowering her. Nicholas nodded his agreement, knowing what the rest of her sentence would’ve been.

“I know, love, and I appreciate that you want to stay down here with me, but I’ll be fine, it’s one more set of paperwork and then I’ll be up in bed with you, alright? Besides, despite how comfortable that armchair is to sit in, I can tell you from experience, it is not that comfortable to sleep in.” Grasping Catalina’s hands, he pulled her to her feet, his arms immediately wrapping around her waist as she rested against him.

Catalina moved her head, her chin resting on Nicholas’s chest, a grin covering her lips while she looked up at him, “Aw. If I woke up in any pain, I know you’d be there to help me out.”

Rolling his eyes fondly, Nicholas pressed his lips to hers, a sweet, soft kiss, just happy to be there in the moment with her, before pressing her somehow closer, ending the kiss with a little nip and a pull of her bottom lip. “You're right, I would. Now go, I won’t be far behind.” Opening the door for her, he stood in the doorway watching her with a smile until she disappeared around a corner.

‘That feels like hours ago.’ Nicholas mused, pausing outside the double doors that led to the library. Stifling a yawn, he moved his head closer to listen for telltale sounds of Catalina being awake; waiting for him, even though he had pressed a loving kiss to her lips with a soft apology and a quiet promise of “I’ll be back as soon as I can, go back to sleep, darling”, he heard nothing. Pressing a hand against the door, he pushed it open as quietly as he could. Nicholas’s tired gaze swept across the contents of the room, hoping that if Catalina was in here, he’d be successful in not waking her.

Feeling the last of his tension leaving as his eyes stopped on her blanketed body, amusedly noting the same book from earlier in the night held loosely in her hand as she slept on. Closing the door behind him, Nicholas’s smile turned softer, more genuine as he looked back to find Catalina blearily blinking over at him. “Hi, sleepy. Figured I’d find you here.”

“Hmmm…" She paused, stretching, "I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” pouting, she sat up, the blanket falling to lay across her lap, “but I’m happy it got you back to me sooner.” Reaching out, she intertwined her hands with his, bringing him closer to the chaise and closer to her.

“Trust me, if I had it my way, we’d have been curled up together in bed the whole night.” Sitting on the edge of the chaise, Nicholas brought one of her hands up to his lips, pressing a light kiss to the back of it, grinning happily in the wash of light blush appearing on Catalina’s cheeks. “But with that being said, why didn’t you stay in bed, hmm?” Brushing a few loose strands of hair behind her ear, Nicholas let his hand rest on her cheek, holding her gently as his thumb softly swiped along her cheekbone.

“I wanted to wait for you, and I figured I could read some more while I did.” She says, her voice low before leaning forward to rest against him, a pleased hum coming from her as he pressed a kiss to the side of her temple, “Bedtime?” Feeling, more than hearing the laugh from Nicholas, she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“You would be correct, Ms. Bartlett.” Putting his arms around her waist, he stood slowly, humming a random tune as Catalina wrapped her legs around him, his arms tightening into a more secure hold as she settled into place.

“How was the meeting?”

Nicholas sighed, rolling his eyes as he stepped back out into the hallway, “Useless. If I’m not the King, I might as well be useless, so Father dearest will still have to be the one to have the meeting with them. Another score to my failures as a prince, I’m sure," he sighed, "but I did call him on the ride back, and told him not to contact me for the duration of us being here, and given everything that happened beforehand,” he paused, voice suddenly stuck in his throat as he recalled the last meeting he had with his parents, days before the academy closed for winter break, “I needed time, and as my parents, the least they could do was this for me.”

Ignoring the sudden burn in his eyes, Nicholas gave Catalina a small wobbly smile. “It’s okay though, I’ve got you and that’s all I currently need.” Closing his eyes to fight back the beginning of tears, Nicholas felt Catalina press multiple kisses to his lips and cheeks, pulling a quiet laugh from him as he opened his eyes to look at her. “Let’s go to bed, darling. I think we both need it.”

Entering their bedroom, he walked straight into the bathroom, putting Catalina on the counter before leaning in to press a kiss to the crown of her head, reaching for his toothbrush and quickly brushing his teeth. Humming a song he’d heard Catalina sing along to earlier in the day, he started to move his hands to the top of his shirt, intending to start unbuttoning, but paused, already finding Catalina’s slender fingers already there, making quick work of the buttons. With a quiet murmur of thanks, he slipped his shirt off as he stepped back, giving her room to hop down and followed behind her back into the bedroom, thanking her again as she dropped it into the hamper.

Yawning, Nicholas lifted the blankets slipping under, immediately turning towards Catalina, one of his arms resting against her pillows, his free arm up, wordlessly inviting her to lay against him, holding her close as she did. Placing his hand under her chin, he gently tilted her face upwards, placing a featherlight kiss on her cheeks, “Sleep well, sweetheart. I love you.” Huffing a laugh at the slight beginnings of a pout, he kissed her, instantly smiling into the kiss as Catalina kissed him back.

“Sleep well, darling, I love you too."

#oc building: sarah writes #r: nicholas x catalina #s: royalverse #ch: nicholas wooyoung #it's been MONTHS since i last wrote so idk how i feel about this overall but ! we press on ! and it's worth it for them<3 #i hope i did them justice 🥺💖 #hoping to write more here this year ! #they kissed a lot more than i initially expected but . idk it felt right lol #had to post this before my brain won the whole delete it and start again war :)))

[fionajames]

Hey!!! How’s the concussion? Hope it’s almost healed. How are you since the last time I’ve asked?

Requesting time: may I pretty please with a cherry on top have a story about an AU where the wars over and all our fav clones have been recognized as citizens and all have their dream jobs (what do you think they would be) please?

If that’s too hard, may I substitute it with a little story about Xi (I believe that’s his name?) the clone who got sick from one of my other requests and has a little crush on General Skywalker?

Thank you so much, hope you’re well, have a great day! -Sha 🫡

fix-it-fox au

HI SHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3

I MIGHT DO UR SECOND IDEA LATER, BUT RN IM DEAD

ok so guys, originally i was also gonna do headcanons for all my clone ocs and i wrote a few but gave up cause its been hours.

also, yes, normal dogs and cats and their various breeds exist in this.

have some headcanons:

(writing below the cut)

Overall

The Clones get like, idk imma just say money but basically they get a bunch of money to make up for not getting paid but especially to make sure they’re not gonna end up homeless.

Most Clones live in groups as it feels unnatural for them not too.  (i feel like im doing a david attenborough documentary rn, read: ‘most clones live in groups’ in david’s voice, go check him out if you dunno him)

The Clones are then all ‘employed’ by the GAR (they’re not rlly given a chance, as the senate wouldnt fully permit them to just become civvies, padme, chuchi and bail as well as some others managed to negotiate this, which was the best why could do). This means they can have other jobs and are only called upon if there is a problem that requires them. Sorta like how the Jedi were before that, but different.

Most Clones move to planet Nay-Mets (an anagram of amnesty, i think this is funny because the definition of amnesty is ‘an official pardon for people who have been convicted of political offences’ which is kinda what the anti-clone people would think about them, so its like the clones r saying ‘we dont care what you think’ and owning it) - which I have made up. Nay-Mets is a planet of earthy terrain, with lakes and rivers running through it. Its beautiful, and had a sparse and small population until the clones arrived. The clones are careful with what they do to the land and care for it dearly. The Non-Clone civvies are very welcoming and help the Clones build homes and other things. They moved into a town that had been uninhabited for a year or so for no real reason. Only a month after the end of the war, Nay-Mets is busy and buzzing, with Clones and Non-Clones.

Bail Organa has become Chancellor and is pushing everything for Clone rights. Between him, Chuchi and Padme - plus some other senators - they’ve gotten good and better rights for the Clones.

Anakin lives with Padme on Naboo. When the war ended, he ended up telling Obi-Wan about his marriage who happily informed him the Council was changing the code to allow such things. 

Anakin is off-world when Luke and Leia are born, but feels it through the Force. He rushes home (Obi-Wan orders him to, claiming he can finish the battle by himself) and cries upon meeting his children.

Obi-Wan visits Naboo before returning to Coruscant and immediately feels the tug towards Luke, who’s Force is a blanket of warmth and sunlight. Ahsoka comes as soon as Anakin comms her (which is pretty quickly, and rather excitedly) and upon meeting Leia, she can’t help but hear the raindrops and feel the moonlight she emits to her. Luke has a special bond with Obi-Wan, just as Leia has a bond with Ahsoka. 

Even though Palpatine is dead, the events of the other seasons take place, but slightly differently. The battles that do take place (no way im specifying, i dont have the patience for that) are run by Dooku. He’s keeping the war going, but without Palpatine, it’s hard. He’s captured by Anakin, then Grievous is killed by Obi-Wan. Dooku goes to jail.

Ahsoka still gets the message from Bo-Katan and frees Mandalore. She captures Maul who is taken to trial and he is the reason that the trial against Fox finally proved him not-guilty (well, guilty but fairly).

Order 66 never happens (no shit) and the Kaminoans are ordered to de-chip every single Clone. They are taken to jail immediately afterwards. Some Clones remain on Kamino to raise the youngers, and Shaak Ti ends up taking control of the whole place.

During this time period, after the Kaminoans were arrested, the Bad Batch stumble upon a certain blonde girl hiding in a lab. Hunter - seeing no reason not to - immediately ‘adopts’ her. 

Some cadets and baby Clones leave Kamino, but these are only ones who have an older Clone who has managed to snag legal custody over them. These guys aren’t very common, as they didn’t have much exposure to older Clones, but it’s not so bad.

Shaak Ti begins to make the Clones’ training intertwined with schooling, and also give them excursions off-planet. The young Clones no longer hate Kamino like so many of their elders did.

Alongside the de-chipping process, Clones are all given a vaccine that returns their ageing to normal, meaning they get to live normal, long lives.

Oh and Ahsoka is paid for helping Mandalore, so she’s no longer broke.

Rex

As soon as the war is over, Rex goes and visits Cut.

He isn’t really sure what to do at first, as he’s put his heart and soul into the GAR, and now he doesn’t have to.

He follows Ahsoka around like a lost puppy because she’s got more experience with civilian life, and frankly, he’s missed his sister. He does help Fives whilst he’s recovering from his trauma and as a result, it's Fives and Rex bunking at Ahsoka’s place for a bit (she pretends to be annoyed but she really isn’t).

Eventually she convinces him to take Fives and Jesse (who’s been crashing on her couch and making ramen at 3am for a few weeks) and go get a house. This is because the Clones are given… like, money, because they didn’t get paid during the war.

So Rex, Jesse and Fives get a place next door to the Bad Batch (including Echo and Omega) and end up knocking down the fence separating the two houses and building a hallway between them so it’s like one big, slightly separated house.

Rex slowly begins to relax as a civilian, but still is a bit too rigid. He’s the third person to meet Luke and Leia (aside from Anakin and Padme, ofc) - first being Obi-Wan and second Ahsoka. He’s utterly honoured but immediately uneasy, as he hasn’t had much exposure to children. 

But Luke, with his mighty force connection, sees Rex and is instantly puppy-eyed, and won’t stop crying until his uncle holds him. This boosts Rex’s confidence a lot, and he finds himself visiting a lot.

Rex wears mostly hoodies and baggy/cargo pants. The first time he put a hoodie on, he did that thing where you pull it over your knees and curl up. He didn’t move for hours. Ahsoka went out the next day and put him a ton, mostly blue ofc.

His favourite hoodie is the custom one Fives got for him (although he’ll never admit it aloud). It’s blue and white - the 501st’s colours, ofc - with his jaig eyes on the front. On the back is his CT number, but with a line through it and below, his name. Fives says he wants everyone to know that they’re not numbers, they’re people. Rex cried when he heard.

Rex doesn’t get a job at first, and instead helps Fives, Jesse and Echo out in their cafe when needed. Eventually, he turns his farming hobby (something he’d picked up to use his time) into profit and attends the farmers’ market to sell products.

Echo

Echo didn’t really know when the war ended, until the Bad Batch came and rescued him. 

Even after being sweetly reunited by Fives, he struggles mentally and physically, unused to being a cyborg. 

He finds himself staying with the Bad Batch the most, because of his newly found troubles. When it comes to house-arrangements, he has a talk with Fives, and they agree to live separately, but everyone knows you can often find them in the other’s house anyways.

He ends up running a cafe with Jesse and Fives that becomes popular very quickly. His favourite thing to have is a hot chocolate with a choc-chip cookie, which he often does whilst reading a book at the counter.

Speaking of books, Echo is finally exposed to books, like, fictional books. Although others were shocked, Echo prefers fiction over non-fiction, as he likes the made-up stuff. He wishes desperately he had it growing up and with that thought, he and Shaak Ti teamed up to get the cadets and baby Clones on Kamino books.

Echo cries when he gets his custom hoodie. It’s like the rest of the Bad Batch’s with the grey, black, red and white pattern and ofc his crossed out CT number and name on the back, but there’s also a blue hand print where it was on his armour. 

He wears his hoodie everywhere, much like Rex.

Other than his hoodie, Echo mostly wears baggy long-sleeved stuff in an attempt to cover his robotic screwdriver-thing hand. Anakin offered to get someone to remove it and replace it with a prosthetic hand like his own but Echo denied it. He's proud of it, but a little self-conscious.

Echo’s a lil more shy than he was before, but still his sarcastic goofy self. He buys a bike (bicycle) when he arrives on Nay Mets, and rides it everywhere. Its not uncommon to see him riding his bike through the hills at 6am.

Fives

Because of the whole ‘Tup’ incident, Fives’ mental health has deteriorated drastically. Rex is his biggest help, alongside Echo and as well as Jesse and Ahsoka.

Because of this, he goes with Rex when he moves into Ahsoka’s apartment temporarily. They basically get two mattresses and chuck them in an empty room, sleeping on the floor (on the mattresses tho) with blankets, but its so much comfier than their bunks.

Fives starts becoming his usual self a bit quicker than expected, especially when he arrives on Nay Mets.

He ofc runs the cafe with Jesse and Echo, and is the main drink maker. He makes the best milkshakes.

After a bit, Fives ends up assembling a group of Jedi and Clones to help him get hoodies for almost all the Clones. It takes a few months but with him learning to sew, dozens of others doing the same and various people across the galaxy being paid to make them, the hoodies are distributed everywhere.

He designs his last, and its pretty simple with the blue and white markings and his crossed out CT number and name.

Like most Clones, he prefers comfy and baggy clothes, wearing mostly hoodies and baggy pants. He develops a love for beanies.

Fives takes up electric guitar as his hobby, and thoroughly enjoys it. 

When he first meets Padme, she hugs him and comforts him without a second’s hesitation. He cracks immediately and cries. She spends the entire day calming him and comforting him, and she’s self-employed herself as his unpaid therapist.

He returns to Naboo to visit Padme regularly, and his General, ofc. 

To everyones’ delight, when Leia is toddlerish age and her rebellious side is evident, Fives becomes more like himself as he assists her in getting into trouble.

Anakin and Padme don’t mind having to clean off the noticeably washable marker from the walls when Fives starts laughing again. They’re grateful he’s getting better, and that he chooses to use materials easy to clean up.

Jesse

Jesse spends the first few weeks of his civvie life going absolutely nuts in trying to experience stuff. 

He quickly realises that he has no home and ends up crashing on Ahsoka’s couch. She pretends to get annoyed at him when he constantly gets up at unholy hours to make ramen but she frankly is glad he’s doing well.

He’s the one to organise a house for him, Rex and Fives on Nay Mets.

He ofc runs the cafe with Echo and Fives, and he’s the cooking expert. He’s well known in the town for his delicious foods and alongside Fives’ excellent drinks, its what gets the cafe popular quickly.

His hoodie is the same as Fives’, but with his number and name, ofc.

It’s only been six weeks since the War ended when Jesse arrives home with a sheepish grin and a box that moves. He giddily reveals a black and blue merle mudi dog (such a cute breed, go google it, you wont regret) that he names Tundra. Tundra is rather quiet for his breed (never had this breed but during researching, it says the bark a lot, sorry if thats not true) but filled with energy and affection. 

Jesse and Tundra are rarely separated. When Jesse has work, he brings Tundra. He either sleeps on the floor whilst watching or will go out to the fenced-in area through the dog door they installed in the cafe.

Jesse adapts rather quickly to civvie life and really enjoys it. 

Kix

Kix has pretty mixed-feelings post-war.

He loves being a civvie but can’t help but find himself up late at night, waiting to attend to a wound of sorts.

At first, Kix is really anxious and uncomfortable with being aware from the battlefield. Jesse tries to get through to him but ultimately fails, as Kix needs alone time.

Anakin sees his medic in distress and tells Padme. She immediately agrees to let Kix live with them on Naboo until he can regain his footing, no matter how long that takes. 

Kix spends his almost-three months on Naboo recollecting himself and then turns to Jesse, who immediately agrees to let him move in with him, Fives and Rex. 

Kix ends up taking a job at the hospital, and instantly finds himself better footing. Its much easier for him after he takes up the job.

His hoodie is the usual but with his red medic symbol on the shoulder. He wears it as much as possibly, and thanks Fives almost daily for the gift.

When they were de-chipping, after he got his removed, Kix worked tirelessly to remove the other Clones’ chips. He was thrown a ‘thank you’ party afterwards by all the Clones he helped. 

Cody

Cody’s immediate reaction is relief.

He’s just grateful the war is over.

The first few weeks he spends living with Obi-Wan (idc if you see this as a ship or platonic, basically the embodiment of the ‘and they were roommates vine’ tbh) as he doesn’t really have any where else to go.

Eventually, he moves to Nay Mets like many others, and takes Meerrt and Vick with him. They have a room for Obi-Wan which is used a lot more than expected, but they love having their Jedi over.

Cody’s hoodie is the usual, in yellow of course. 

He spends most of his first few months reading and experiencing life as a civilian (alongside making the best cinnamon scrolls you’ll ever taste) but eventually gets a job at a kindergarten, of all the places.

Unexpectedly, Cody works really well with kids, and it really shows. He becomes an idol to a lot of little kids on Nay Mets.

Upon meeting Luke and Leia, he takes up a job as unofficial babysitter when Padme and Anakin need a break. 

Cody wears mostly sweaters and cargo pants - like so many other Clones - and a golden bracelet with a sun charm attached. He doesn’t take it off.

He also starts learning violin, and really enjoys that too.

He’s one of the first to get de-chipped, and waits until his battalion have also been de-chipped to even leave Kamino. This is mostly because Obi-Wan got annoyed when he found out Cody wasn’t sleeping out of worry.

Wolffe

Wolffe’s immediate reaction was also relief, but in a sarcastic way. Like, ‘oh we’re finally done?!’ But deep down, he is super glad.

He stays with Plo and several others from his battalion before finding a place on Nay Mets with them. Plo lives more on Nay Mets than Coruscant, just like many other Jedi do too.

When he gets his hoodie - the usual but in grey with a small wolf symbol on the front - he breaks and grins, giving Fives a huge hug. But he then blackmails him into not telling anyone he did.

Wolffe wears his hoodie everywhere, rarely takes it off. He likes the ‘not a number’ statement that comes with it.

He also wears like thick, fluffy winter coats and cargo pants a lot, with the occasional bad-ass leather jacket.

He attempts to get a job somewhere, but can’t really find one that works, so he stays unemployed. 

After a little while, Wolffe adopts a grey, male tamaskan dog (also beautiful, check it out, they look like wolves) he names Fang. Everyone thinks its hysterical he got a dog that looks like wolf.

Wolffe and Fang are also inseparable.

Wolffe finds himself enjoying hiking and does it almost daily, with Fang joining him. He finds it peaceful and enjoyable.

Fox

Fox is ofc the one who basically ended the war, or at least he majorly turned the tables.

He’s so relieved when its finally over.

He’s one of the first Clones to move to Nay Mets, and ofc Dhole, Vector, Menace, Dice and Bloodshot tag along. They live in one great big house.

Almost immediately, Fox impulsively adopts a ginger tabby she-cat he names Pumpkin. She’s a beautiful, silly cat and Fox has zero regrets in getting her.

He lets her be a very free cat as he feels bad for being any other way.

His hoodie is red and white with the usual and a fox symbol on the front. He loves sweaters.

He wasn’t really looking for a job at first, and eventually decided to stay unemployed.

Fox picks up piano as a way to calm himself, and grows to become a great pianist. He practises practically all day with Pumpkin sitting on his lap.

He regularly goes for long walks and takes Pumpkin, cause she’s that kinda cat. 

Once there was an incident in town when a guy lost it and started shooting or smth and Fox just calmly tackled him (that's an oxymoron lol) and got someone to arrest him. He was really quiet afterwards.

When he got his chip removed, Fox became a lot more quiet for a little. This was because he could finally hear properly. When he had the chip, he always heard a little voice in his head, something he now knew was Palpatine.

OK IM DONE

MIGHT POST PT 2 LATER (A FEW DAYS)

PLEASE REQUEST THINGS PEOPLE, CHECK THE PINNED POST ON MY BLOG FOR INFO.

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PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

<3

#star wars #the clone wars #clones #anakin skywalker #captain rex #ahsoka #501st legion #clone troopers #tcw #clone wars #obi-wan #obi-wan kenobi #obi wan #obi wan kenobi #ahsoka tano #arc trooper echo #bad batch echo #arc trooper fives #arc trooper jesse #commander fox #commander wolffe #dhole #vector #bloodshot #menace #dice #mit #xi #vick #meerrt

[seokjinsonlyone]

THE PREGNANCY HEADCANONS AHHHH I LOVED THEM!! They were soo good babes like you really know how to write for the boys 😭 also loved the jk kink slip in lol 🤭

But since we’re on the topic of pregnancy I’m gonna write out how many kids I think BTS would have cause that came into my head while reading lol

Seokjin: 3. Now for Jin his first would be a girl period. Jin gives such dad girl vibes idc idc but with Jin I see him having one boy that would end up being the middle child you know?? And I think he’d try for one more and end up with another girl because like I said Jin radiates girl dad vibes ✨

Yoongi: 3. NOW I WANT TO CLEAR SOMETHING UP, there was an interview back in the day where the boys talked about how many kids they wanted and everybody said Yoongi said he only wanted one but that was a mistranslation he said he wanted at least “one boy”. So in my imagination Yoongi ends up being a girl dad and has two girls first 🤭 and then he tries for one more and ends up with a boy ✨

Hoseok: 2 to 3. Now with Jhope I see him as a boy dad idk why but I feel his first would be a boy. And since he has a sister he would want his son to have a sibling and then the next baby would be a boy. Now I say two to three cause in my head I imagine Jhope wanting at least both a girl and a boy so when he ends up with just two boys I think his decision on another baby would be up-to the mother of his boys. If he did have another his youngest would obviously be a girl 🤭

Namjoon: 3. A boy and a girl as his first in that order is what I picture Namjoon with. And I know you’re asking so why the 3? Well i’m glad you asked because the answer is… ✨an oops baby✨ his last baby would be an oops baby 🤭 i am taking no counter arguments to this because it would happen to him and I’d bet my left toe on it 😭 so with Namjoon his oops baby would be a boy, idk why I see him having only one daughter but thats what i came up with lol

Jimin: 4. Jimin is one out of two of the members who is having a bit of a bigger family, to me in my head. For him I see him having and even number of both boys and girls but he has two girls first and two boys last. Now idk why but I can absolutely see Jimin having twins 🥺 specifically twin girls 🤭

Taehyung: 5. Now… we all knew this was the answer for this man lmfaoo but truly he’s gonna have the biggest family out of all the members. I see him having more girls than boys but his first child would be a boy and his last would be a girl; so overall three girls and two boys ✨

Jungkook: 3. SOMETHING ABOUT JK RADIATES TWIN ENERGY. Like his partners first pregnancy is gonna be twins like boy and girl twins 🥺. And he’s gonna think he’s done and doesn’t want anymore but before his twins hit school age he’s gonna realize he misses the baby phase and is gonna want one more, and its gonna be a girl 🤭

Ok im done, and I just want to preface that this is all delusion in my head that came up as I was reading the pregnancy headcanons, I simply just wrote this for fun and nothing more lol ❤️ I’d love to hear y’alls thoughts tho

WHEW CHILE YOU GOT ME SHAKING SHIVERING AND QUIVERING LIKE THEM IS SOME BIG NUMBERS LIKE DESPITE WHATEVER BANGTAN CHILD KICK I BEEN ON THE PAST COUPLE MONTHS ION WANT NONE OF THEM THINGS

my womb started caving in on itself good lord like you started off with my man and then 3 kids and i saw my life flash before my eyes good god anyway this is 100% a topic worth exploring and imma divide them up into 3 sections that you were touching on

girl dad

seokjin: i almost said seokjin would be a boy dad but nah he's def girl dad like i can 100% see you coming home from work or the gym or something and you walk past your daughter room and seokjin in there with 2 ponytails complete with the bows like when he dressed up as the squid game doll at that one ptd concert he'd have that hair and a tutu on playing some kind of princess damsel in distress rescue game and you'd walk past the room make eye contact with him and he's just got this 'i actually need you to save me from this' look on his face and all you do is pull out your phone snap a pic and keep going so you can start on dinner i think he'd definitely have 2 kids the first one gon need someone to play with and it simply can't be both of y'all forever so he'd probably have a boy and a girl

yoongi: yoongi is a girl dad through and through i don't make the rules it just is what it is like it don't matter how many kids he end up with they're all gonna be girls but you know what for some reason i'm feeling like he's either gonna have 1 or like 4 like either the one is gonna be enough and your tubes getting tied or like you're just gonna keep popping em out like tostino's pizza rolls

jimin: you know what i really can see jimin ending up with 4 kids and i would give em to him too 😩🤞i think i can see him with 3 girls and a boy and i just have this image of all of them clinging and hanging off of him like newborn cats and idk why he would be a girl dad but he just would like he's so silly and goofy the girls would just absolutely love him and that's fine bc my son would be all up under me 😒

boy dad

joonie: why i feel like all of joon chilren gon be "oops" babies on that kanye west "how you start a family the condom slipped up" type beat kslksksld and for some reason 3 really does feel right for him not for me but for him and i think there'd be a bit of an age gap too like i can see him having one little boy and he's gonna be so freaking cute like i got this picture in my head of joonie and the baby matching like he would get him little gray joggers and he'd have on a white onesie and cute tiny white nike airforce's to match joon and they'd be at the store and the baby would be holding on to his finger walking beside him and they'd have on the same fit and when y'all take the baby on an outing he'd put him on a little sweater vest and one of them newsboy hats oh my heart yeah <\3 anyway the age gap like y'all would have the first little boy and then 8-10 years of nothing and then y'all would end up having 2 back to back a girl then another boy

jk: tbh i just have this really strong image of jk roughhousing wit his son like throwing the kid around like a paper airplane and the kid would love it too be giggling and laughing don't even know his life is in peril he'd put him in lil track suits be real cute wit it and he would look just like him too big ole nose even bigger eyes would look somewhere between a blobfish and an anime character super adorable would take the kid to the park every weekend as long as the weather wasn't too inclement and play on the slides and swings and soccer with him like they'd just be so freaking active it's crazy you'd be tired enough for all 3 of y'all tho but anyway i feel like once the kid was old enough to go to school and jk couldn't pester him all day he'd pester you until you agreed to another one and i think it'd be a lil girl and he'd be the exact opposite with her 💀 all sweet and gentle acting like she could break at any second and would love dressing her up in fluffy glittery dresses and putting bows all over her but then she'd end up being just as rowdy as your first kid and he'd just about have a heart attack bc of it he'd still try to coax another one out of you once your daughter started school tho and that's when you'd have to ask him to go back to the park and find his mind bc you think he lost it

boffum

tae: now whew chile i know you said you can see him wit 5 kids but lemme tell you rn he ain't gettin em outta me he must gon have 2-3 baby mamas or sumn bc i do not have child rearing hips or god bless the woman that's gon produce his litter bc it ain't gon be me but frfr i can see him only having 1 like he seem like he would think he want a school bus full of kids but then gets the first one and is like "😀 let's never do this again" LOL and it really wouldn't matter whether it was a boy or girl i just know for sure that tae gon have that kid wit more hobbies than a little bit and it would drive you insane like one day the kid's a painter then they wanna play piano then guitar then violin then they're gonna wanna be a fashion designer and ask for a sewing machine then a pro golfer a pro gamer a fencer and tae gon be right there beside the kid taking the lessons with them like you not gonna be able to get either of them to settle down

hobi: i can see hobi with either one or two kids like i feel like he'd plan to have 2 kids but then he'd want to wait for the right time to have the second one but then the right time never really comes or y'all will discuss it every now and again and you'll have the one and both be like ehhh idk it's a lot of work should we do it again naahhh but maybe 👁️ and then just never have another OR you'd have twins OR you'd have the two kids separately but they'd be like minimum five years apart bc you just want to make sure your they got the best of y'all EITHER WAY it really doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl or whatever combination bc hobi just gonna turn the child into a mini version of him decked out in designer always crazy patterns always layered up carrying lil acorn bags and a nice hat kids gonna love taking a pic for sure like it'll be a lil ball of personality for sure but also very disciplined like why hobi seem like he'd be kinda strict with it like the way he pushes himself he would definitely push his kids too not too much they would never feel too pressured or like they weren't good enough but he'd always make sure they'd be doing their best

a/n: i clearly got carried away here 🤠 also i really don't know why i would have 4 kids wit jimin and not the rest of em like i cannot explain logically the difference but the feeling is just there

#ask of interest #ask #bts #bts fanfiction #bts fanfic #namjoon x reader #jin fanfiction #hobi x you #jimin fanfic #kim taehyung x y/n #jeon jungkook x reader

[methodrones]

album review : their satanic majesties' second request

released: june 1996

genre: psychedelic rock

and here we are to one of bjm's most popular albums! i think it's pretty solid, though i can't think of every track off the top of my head or anything like that, so i'll have to see after going through it. of course, this is the album that holds anemone, so it makes sense that it would be so popular. but let's dive in!

all around you - intro

this is the same as the outro, but we have a fun little voiceover to the music... this is for sure anton talking out of his ass but i love it. i think this is definitely somewhat inspired by the intro of sing this all together ( the first track off the rolling stones' album, their satanic majesties request ) which is also cool. i mean obviously, the album is literally named after it. this is giving kind of culty vibes and i'm surprised i've never actually listened to this? i reaaaally like the voiceover it's giving me everything, his voice slowly becoming more and more manic. good shit! i really enjoyed this, especially the lyrics like "the love we share / it's a secret for everyone." very much enjoyed...

rating: 9/10

cold to the touch

it's been a loooong time since i listened to this song. this is giving 60s, it's really good lol. and the tambourine ofc <3 but the chorus is great, the 'wooo!' is fun. i love when they just yell random shit. solo slaps as always, there will never be a bjm solo i don't love i think ... also anton's kind of whispered voice is reminding me of matt hollywood, i wonder if he wrote this song. i wouldn't be surprised, it's got that very sultry vibe matt's songs usually bring. but, who knows! good song, i enjoyed it much more than the last times i've heard it.

rating: 9/10

donovan said

the beat on this one is really good, very eastern inspired for sure. which i guess makes sense that something like in india you would be on this album lmao, i forgot how much this album brings in that sound. "she took just a tiny sip / now she's starting to trip" I LIKE THESE LYRICS. and the way anton sings "i wonder what she sees in you" ughhhhh it's good ... i've always enjoyed this song, the way the lines are sang and how it all flows together, and the soloooooo?!?? i can't tell if it's a synth or like an actual violin or something ... either way i really like it. so i'd give this one a good rating! it's not my fav on this album, but i do listen to it every now and again.

rating: 8/10

in india you

speaking of in india you ... here we have it again! it's soooo much better suited to this album than methodrone idk what was going on with that decision but, yk. whatever. the song itself is pretty good, the name is self explanatory when listening to it lol. the little beat drop is good, i like the vocals ... this is probably the same shit i said on it earlier tho ( unless i just complained about it, which i might've done ). probs my least fav so far but it's not bad or anything like that.

rating: 7/10

no come down

MATT HOLLYWOOD! i listened to this song for the first time like two months ago and i really enjoyed it, but, again. matt. his voice does hit every time and the tambourine coming in ... phewwww. the riff is good and i like some of these lyrics. and the switch up then it going back to being slow?! i love it. his vocals on the "if there's a god in heaven" are good i fuckin love his voice UGH. it's not even like his voice is that amazing it just has this quality to it i really enjoy. also i like the line "i got the holy spirit breathing down my neck" his little religious lyrics are fun, the second switch up is really good. anyway kind of a long song, almost six minutes, it does feel a little long but overall it's a solid track!

rating: 8/10

(around you) everywhere

okay synth ?! very short kind of interlude, sounds very similar to all around you. it's giving their satanic majesties request lol. the horns are good, but yk, it's just ... instrumentals. not much to comment on here. also my spotify fucking crashed right after this song played that's weird. thanks ANTON.

raring: 5/10

jesus

I FUCKIN LOVE THIS SONG. for me this is absolutely a hit, i think every single part of it works so well and all of the different solos make me go crazy. the lyrics and the way they're sung are also??? SO GOOD???? "missed my connection to the second resurrection / on a close up inspection / i lost my direction" WHAT THE FUCKKKK the lyrics have no right being this amazing. i do think this song is a little long, at least for me personally, but truthfully every other part makes up for it so ... it gets an extra point from me. god the soloing is just so fucking good. "i turned to jesus when i lost all my friends / and the good times all ended, with my money i spent it" idk something about the way this shit is sung makes me go insane. then the "have mercy please jesus" being sung in the background of the outro solo.... fuuuuuuck.

rating: 10/10

before you

another kind of short interlude, longer than (around you) everywhere tho. again with the eastern kinda influence! honestly i don't have much to say on this, it's alright. it gets a shrug.

rating: 5/10

miss june '75

ohhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHH. matt. matt matt matt you never cease to amaze me with your songwriting. this is a matt hollywood song through and through and i fucking adore it. it's slow, sensual, has the matt-esque suggestiveness of it all ... yeah. i know these lyrics by heart not even gonna lie and this is a fun, but simple, love song to play on guitar. do you want to hear me talk about solos again? because the solos in this song are great. anyway we get to the kind of main course and i really love the line "the way she dances makes me lose my mind" ughhhhh.... idk. something about it! his voice is so good here. i will say i usually skip the rest after "the two brightest stars up in heaven" just bc it's literally matt singing about having sex but. yk. interesting listen! very long song, but if you just listen to the first five minutes you'll be good and get the gist.

anemone

the greatest hit on this album, the most popular bjm song ... anemone! i actually have no clue who sings this one, i heard it was anton's wife, katy, but idk what was going on in 1996 so i can't really say that with any sort of confidence. anyway this song is just great. do i even have to describe why??? the intro, the riff, the solos, the bass. the tambourine literally makes this song what it is. and the vocals are great, i really like her voice. i also like this song live, it's soooooo good, i think i may actually prefer anton's voice on this track but the studio version really is great. the outro with anton and her singing "now that you're not around," UGHHH so good. this was the first bjm song i ever heard and what i think should be most people's first foray into the band! it pretty much perfectly encapsulates their sound. so, obvs, this gets a perfect score.

rating: 10/10

baby (prepraise)

another random instrumental ... yeah. idk why this reminds me of something that would be in the shining LOL.

rating: 5/10

feelers

mooooore eastern type stuff. idk if that's a sitar or what but i like the sound! i am not actually sure i've ever heard this song, very simple lyrics tho. i honestly don't have much to say, it's my least favorite on this album up until this point. another shrug.

rating: 6/10

bad baby

interesting little intro. interesting song in general ... i do like it tho, it's kind of soft and has a nice beat. the vocals are also good! this is pretty long, like eight minutes long, which i don't love but. whatcha gonna do. also has a percussion ass outro which is pretty cool. but this gets the same amount of love from me as feelers did.

rating: 6/10

cause, i lover

I DIDN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE THIS AT FIRST it's from thank god for mental illness ... or i guess technically it's from this album but it appears again a little differently on the next album. i really like this song!!! it's short and sweet but very country ish. good stuff.

rating: 9/10

(baby) love of my life

short ass instrumental again. literally i have nothing to say here! not too huge a fan of these types of tracks tho.

rating: 5/10

slowdown (fuck tomorrow)

weird track .... it feels very beatles. it's alright, not loooving it or anything like that but it does align pretty well with the 60s feeling a lot of this stuff is going for. not much more to say!

rating: 6/10

here it comes

i really like this song!! it's not too long, and the music is great and so are the vocals. very calm and vibey ... the lyrics are also cool, it's just overall a good song, not my favorite on the album but definitely a nice one to listen to. that solo too ... UGH!

rating: 9/10

all around you - outro

this is the all around you i usually listen to! but i may have to start taking a listen to the intro one too lol. it's pretty much the same exact song minus the voiceovers, with some other changes. i think they probably could've left one of these off the album, it doesn't seem all that needed to put the same song on here twice, but hey ... i like this one, surprisingly i like the intro one better tho!

rating: 8/10

to crazy to care - bonus track

this song is ALSO on thank god for mental illness, it's a good one and i love it!! i don't think it's necessarily fit to be on this album, but it's a bonus track and apparently with bonus tracks bjm doesn't give a shit. clearly. look at spacegirl... ANYWAY good, short song!! i'll go into it more on the next review.

rating: 9/10

there we have the album! this album was a little longer than the previous one, but not by much. i don't think i've ever listened to it all the way through like this, so it definitely put the whole thing into perspective for me. there's a lot of psychedelic rock vibes and eastern influence in here, it's a great album, mostly the misses lie with the interludes though. i don't think they were all that needed, or they could've been a little more interesting. the first half was also better than the second half in my opinion. but either way, this was very good! i actually have a greater love for this album now having heard all the genres and themes tie in together.

hits: anemone, jesus, miss june '75

misses: feelers, bad baby, all of the interludes

overall album score: 8.5/10

there we have it! next up is thank god for mental illness, which i've been looking forward to this whole time. expect it soon!!

#( album review ) #their satanic majesties' second request

[matty-1-monopoly]

Another One Leaves

I had an RP partner leave the discord rp server we had set up sometime within the last 2 days.  This was after a month and some change of them not posting any new replies to the ongoing scene we had and despite how they kept writing on Tumblr about how they were looking for new RP partners. It's not a big deal really overall because RP partners disappear all the time. This is one of the reasons why I hate plotting because I'll spend  40 minutes plotting with someone just for them to say they have to get going and then I'll never see them log on again. I had talked to the RP partner about ghosting in the RP world and they had written "i'm very pro-communication even if it's awkward. like i'd rather know if i do something wrong/not vibey, so that i can either do something about it or at least chat it out - so my brain just treats the people i write with the same way 95% of the time that whole "treat others how you want to be treated" got hella jammed into my head when i was a kid and just has not left since lol" It helped put my mind at ease. And to a point of their good character they did at least talk to me about a few things. Now I'm just going to post the last interaction we had. matty-1-monopoly — 01/09/2023 6:40 AM Wanted to reach out and make sure the scenes were still ongoing. littlemisssunshine — 01/09/2023 2:46 PM i don’t think so. i tried but there was just too much godmodding for me and it didn’t really feel like i had appropriate control over how my characters acted or reacted. it was off to a great start and while i respect your own preferences entirely plots and writing were a little too forward focused on your muses for me to stay super invested 🖤 matty-1-monopoly — 01/09/2023 5:21 PM Damn, I'm sorry about that. I was wondering about the last thing you said with noncon because I thought you were going to take the scenes in that direction but wasn't sure if you meant that I was doing that.

Can I ask for the example where you felt like I was godmodding your characters? littlemisssunshine — 01/11/2023 4:41 PM For sure, but it would just be me sending your last replies. I feel like you basically wrote my characters actions and reactions to a lot of things, and it made it difficult to reply because it was like I could only have them respond to what you already did with them. and writing nearly all of the side stories for presley, it just seemed like an unnecessary thing to do for someone else’s character matty-1-monopoly — 01/11/2023 5:05 PM Could your characters have said ‘that’s not true’ or ‘that’s not how it happened’

Idk how you feel about unreliable narration or characters misremembering things but I reread my last 2 posts and although there are references to things, they’re pretty vague. This is why I asked for examples because all I saw in my last 2 posts were “The Cleopatra costume, Black Widow or Wonder Woman costume, even naughty nurse or teacher.” And “Presley had just given him too much material to know what he should be doing. Matching the experience of some guys she'd been with in college, he really was paying attention when she told him about her excursions.” It all seems bland enough to me and fitting within the possible past actions of the established characters unless you really feel that Linnea doesn’t dress up for Halloween or you wanted to retcon Presley telling stories to her brother which I thought of as one of the reasons for his depravity. If you feel the character said something wrong then correct them with your character or talk to me directly ooc and ask me to rewrite it. matty-1-monopoly — 01/11/2023 5:21 PM I do know a few posts back in Linnea I had written what Matt was thinking and hoping for, which character mental exposition is pretty cringe but I couldn’t think of a better way to write it.

Like an example of what I think you’re constructively criticizing to me would be if character A said “I heard you fly planes.” Character B can say “I don’t.” Or “I do.” Or “I don’t fly planes, I hang glide.” Or “yeah I fly fighter jets.” Or “no that’s my friend.” Or “I don’t fly planes, I fly helicopters.”

The things I write are not definitive, like there is a huge level of ambiguity and wiggle room intentionally woven in.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At some point they had left the server. I don't know  when but they did. It could've been after their last message or after reading mine or just ignoring mine and leaving the server. I sent a follow up message to them directly.

matty-1-monopoly — Today at 10:30 PM Saw you left the server with both of your accounts. Apologies you felt like you couldn't talk through the issues with me.

#OOC

[x-puerbulla-x]

Wow 2022!

So much has happened I don't even know when was the last time I wrote here, I lost the habit of journaling just because, life hot busier or at least I convinced myself it did, idk where I left off but

I finished highschool still dating my best friend, we broke up cause things were slowly falling apart, she broke up with me (mutual agreement tho) I started working in McDonalds a little before that happen, there later on I got closer to a guy after bea and I broke up and eventually he became my "boyfriend" I knew it wasn't gonna last since it started, he was nothing like me and he was sexist and homophobic, and overall he was a bitch, he traumatized a view aspects in my life, my first time with a guy became an awful story, along with the second, third and however many more times happened, he made me not trust men, he hated all my friends made me isolated, he made me sick people later on were able to tell me how shocked they were to see how brainwashed and different was, he changed me, probably until this day.

He tried to put himself between me and bea and that's were I drew the line, I started to come to my senses and see what he had been doing how he had been acting and finally I broke up with him after maybe what was half a year. I joined a end group with alex and a friend of him and they really helped me heal, whenever I was having fights with him they were there and when I was needing some escapism too, when we broke up there they were, I became close to goncalo and made really good friends, alex had to go to sleep early and so me and goncalo cause we could just play alone would just hang out and play mini games, tell jokes and things were looking better.

Eventually goncalo had to go on vacations with his family and couldn't be with us all day so it became time for me and alex to hang out, we had already known each other for a couple years but never really talked, we became closer and opened up more to each other everyday, he slowly taught me how to trust again, I taught him to open up, we became fascinating about how each other's minds worked, until today I admire the way he views the world, hes a very unic soul

Yet again things got tricky he became distant, bad communication, stubbornness and eventually we started to become more and more distant, he would feel distant to me and I would do the same back unintentionally although I really tried at first to just get him back, in the middle of that I met someone else, someone that was giving me the warmth he couldn't, someone I didn't have to lead the conversations with, I met bruno and he was nice and kind and smart and I accidentally fell in love with him while I was still with Alex, he saw that coming way before me and I denied it, made things a lot worse, eventually he was right, on day hanging out with bruno we get to close, we take it too far, he didn't do anything major, I couldn't even bring myself to kiss him cause I knew what I was doing was so incredibly wrong, it was unacceptable, I eventually came to my senses and stopped it, I immediately told Alex I needed to talk, we met, I told him everything and then broke up. He didn't want us to but it was way too late.

I lost a great connection and there's nothing I regret like having done things like this, after some months I could admit to myself I actually was in love with bruno, we started dating it's almost been a year

Leads me to today, I'm the happiest I've been and that's something this account hasn't seen, today I woke up next to him cause yesterday I went to sleep in his house like I often do, we had lunch in a local restaurant we like and then went for me to make my 4th tattoo, I'm completly in love with what my body looks like today, yet again something new, I got a raise in my job, after mc I worked in continente and then and currently in Padaria Portuguesa where I now am a shift manager, were also looking to get our own apartment in the beginning of the next year I'm so excited for that :)

Life has been smiling at me and I decided that decided to be documented

[jade-bright]

I've been in love with this one dude for 3 years, but when I was thinking about how many years I've loved him I thought it was 5.

The start was definitely something.

One of my best friends at the time also had a crush on him, ik this because she told me the day after I showered and thought 'I wouldn't mind him being my first kiss.' So I kinda backed off, I didn't say that I also liked him, I didn't say that I had talked to him the day before she would rant to me about him. And God was I sooooo annoyed when this dude texted me saying that she told him she liked him, and he was asking me what he should do. Not because she confessed first, no, I backed off, I didn't care if she got the guy, I was annoyed that when I asked him several times if he liked her or would want to date her or something, he was so unsure and didn't give a definite answer. Then I was further annoyed when she called me to tell me how she finally confessed, meanwhile I was still basically arguing with him. Idk what was said when they met up (which I didn't know until she told me a day or two after), but they didn't end up dating.

He had also just broken up with this other girl, who, I don't genuinely mean it when I call people this but she was a fucking bitch. Further proof being later in the year, this girl ended up dating my crush's friend.

And I always feel shitty when I say this, but he wasn't physically attractive. Even now that he's had a bit of a glow up, I feel like one of the reasons I like him isn't his looks. (But I did have the unfortunate luck to figure out that he looks so fucking good in flannel). It's cheesy and cliche, but he fucking cares. Before we ever dated, I got sick and he was the only when to text me and ask why I wasn't at school, like not even my friends had asked. My best friend who also had a crush on him texted me, but it was just to see what I wrote for the worksheet we were doing. More recently I had a like a breakdown or panic attack and once he noticed I had been out of the room for too long without ever coming back in, he went to check up on me and when he saw me vulnerable, on the floor, looking like I had just been crying, he just sat right across from me and was overall patient with my explanation that I didn't owe him and waiting for when I was ready to get up.

However the situation I'm currently in sucks because we have dated and broke up a TOTAL of 3 times. In our last break up (over the phone btw), he said he wasn't ready for a relationship, but then 2 months later I'm telling him how he hurt me really bad and that I still love him and other shit. But I asked for time to think if I wanted to get back together, especially since I had a trip out the country later in the week. So I come back to the states and like a month later I'm telling him that I don't think I can like people in a romantic way, but then come back to school and I'm realizing that I just can't like anyone else because I'm still in love with him and can't imagine being in a serious relationship with someone who isn't him. And so half way through the month, I call him and I tell him so and also that he can have all the time he wants since it's only fair. But since then to now, we're gone to the mall with a mutual friend and I held his hand, went to hoco held his hand and slow danced with him and ended up accidentally taking his hoodie with me and having it for the whole weekend. All of this and he didn't stop me, and we haven't acknowledged or talked about shit. The closest thing to acknowledgement was when I'd first go to hold his hand, he'd look down to see what I was doing then just hold my hand in return. Like wtf!?!?!

When I mentioned the unacknowledgement to my two friends who I've been telling all this shit to, they've both told me that we should really talk about. And I've told them, I will, after November 3rd, because from the day I called and told him I still love him to that day was the same time it took me to finally say how I (thought) I felt at the time.

I am to a degree prepared for rejection or acceptance. If he says no to a relationship, I feel like I'm gonna need him to tell me he doesn't like me in that sense anymore because I might be able to move on right way if he doesn't tell me that. And if he says yes to a relationship, then I stop worrying, i stop overthinking as much as i used too. I'm emotionally and mentally better than I was last year, and I'm worried about it but I can actually kinda see myself marrying him.

#complications #lovelife #saddness #stupid feelings

[kunimikat]

When they find out you don’t love them anymore

(Heyyy, so there might be a few grammar errors, but this one is pretty long so hold on) Also do you want the good endings to these? Idk just asking

It started when you didn’t hang out as much with him

You’d make up excuses, ignore, or even give small lies

But he didn’t really take it in any way other than it was you having a hard time with school and stress

So he let you distance yourself

But when you started getting further, and started purposely giving out of the box reasons to not be around him

His gut started to churn

So each day he’d tried to get some way to get your attention

Monday

“Hey dumbass, let’s cook breakfast for the rest of the idiots today, just you and me.”

But when he went to get you up you just turned the other way. He rolled his eyes, a small smile making its way onto his face. The ash-blonde propped a knee up onto the edge of your bed, his hands caging you between them. Yet you barely reacted and instead you mumbled “Go away Bakugo, aren’t you supposed to cook with someone else today?” A hurt expression washed over his face in an instant, though he just thought it was just you being groggy. He started tickling you, a devilish smirk on his features, but you suddenly push his face back forcefully.

“I said get the hell out Bakugo! If it was you you’d be fuming when I try to wake you up so just go!”

You pulled the cover back up, and that was it. It hurt Bakugo even more when you didn’t even look back. But he just snarled and pent it up.

Breakfast didn’t taste as good as usual.

.

Tuesday

You were laughing with Todoroki when Bakugo entered the classroom. And he already didn’t like it as soon as he saw your hand on his shoulder, your leg brushed up against him. He immediately went over and snatched you back into his chest. You scoff “Bakugo- The hell?” You smack his hand off of you. You glare at him before nodding to Todoroki, not sparing Bakugo a glance as you walked back to your seat, starting conversation with Jirou as if that didn’t just happen. Bakugo stared wide eyed at your back then to a smirking Todoroki. He stood frozen. “Just lay off my s/o half n’ half.” He mumbleds as he went to his seat. ‘Was I....was I the wrong one?’ Bakugo jerked his head to the side to get rid of the thought. ‘Like hell I’m wrong.’

But he felt a pit in his stomach remembering your hand on Todoroki’s shoulder.

.

Wednesday

Bakugo wanted to take you hiking with him since you guys had been doing what you’ve wanted to do for the past few months.

But he didn’t expect you to be so upset.

“Really Bakugo? We always have to do some lame shit when you want to go somewhere, do you really like hiking anyway?”

He furrowed his eyebrows in annoyed confusion because you even asked that question.

“No shit, I’ve told you how many times I go hiking, do you not fucking listen? Last time I checked you ain’t deaf, so I thought you’d know by now.”

You quirked your brow up and rolled your eyes, walking off. Bakugo grabs your arm dragging you back, your faces so close your noses are touching.

“The fuck is your problem today? For the past few days you been bitching off, the hell is up with-“

“You, you’re my problem.”

And you pushed him back, opening your phone as you started to text someone and turn the corner in the hall.

Bakugo didn’t want to acknowledge the tears that streamed down his face as he walked to his dorm.

.

Thursday

Bakugo won the challenge in today’s lesson overall, yet he couldn’t help but look over and see your eyes on Todoroki the whole time. Even when he pushed himself, blew the biggest explosions, even won the damn thing. He couldn’t even get an ounce of his own s/o’s attention.

Bakugou huffs as he stormed to where and Todoroki were. He wrapped a arm around your waist. But he didn’t pay attention on the unimpressed expression on your face. But he did hear when you called back to Todoroki, “You did your best out there! See you tomorrow!”

And just like that you got of his arms and walked back to the locker rooms. But he grabbed your hand pulling you back almost instantaneously. “The fuck? You’re not gonna say anything to me? Is this a fucking joke?” A perplexed and pained expression on his face. But he was tempted to really do something when you sighed and started to walk off. “Yeah good job Bakugo, not like you need a boost in your ego though.”

For some reason hanging out with Kirishima at the arcade was the most amount of happiness Bakugo has had all week.

But as soon as he got back to the dorms the same depressing feeling washed over him.

Friday

“But why? Why don’t you love me anymore damn it!”

It was raining hard, the droplets kept mixing with the harsh rain as you both stood over the now soiled picnic food. He tried, he tried everything to get you to listen to him. But now you both just stood silently in the rain.

“I’m sorry Bakugo...it’s just I’m not really interested anymore. It not like I hate you or anything-“

“BULLSHIT!”

Bakugo was seething, rain starting to evaporate on his hands as they flared up.

“This past week...no,fuck, MONTH! You just cast me to the side like I’m a piece of fucking scum! I try...I try so fucking hard, and I’ve never even been in a damn relationship before! So I know I’m not perfect, I FUCKING KNOW. I KNOW I’m not like a prince like fucking half n half, but damn don’t you see I’m trying to work it out? I haven’t felt this much for anyone before Y/N! WHY... WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH? WHAT DID I DO SO WRONG? FUCK Y/N I’LL EVEN CHANGE! JUST.. Bakugo went quiet as a sob wracked his body, leaving him speechless for a moment. His voice cracks, “..don’t leave me alone Y/N, I don’t want to feel alone again after all this time.”

Yet even after Bakugo crouched to the ground, head in hands. He hears a disappointed sigh, his head almost gets whiplash from how fast he shot his head up. You looked at him with cold eyes and looked down at him with no interest.

“Listen Bakugo, I tried being nice about it but, I don’t love you anymore. I thought you were stronger than this, I guess not. What a shame. You brought me out here to say all of that? I’m cold, and I’m heading back to the dorms, but I did clean up the picnic during your tantrum. Sorry, Bakugo.”

Yet the apology was so cold it just felt like blurred lines of sentences came from your mouth to him. The rain drowning out any emotions other than the hurt and pain his heart felt. Bakugo sat in the muddy grass, his eyes blown as he reached pitifully at your form trudging farther and farther through the mud.

Aftermath

He just wasn’t the same.

Bakugo was even more aggressive but most times he’d take it out on the people that got too close to him.

But when he’s not angry, he’s just silent

Dozing off the all of a sudden at random times in class you’d look over to see his desk charred and he doesn’t even realize it

He’d had constant stress from the piling work on his desk as he sat in bed and stared at it with no motivation

Even though he got back on track, and a bit better, it still gnawed at the back of his head everyday of what he should’ve done instead what he did

During Hero Training when he’d hear you cheer for Todoroki, he knew he was never going to get a sincere apology

He knew he was never going to hear you cheer like you cheered Todoroki on

He knew he was never going to get the attention he wanted when he saw your arms linked with your group of friends during graduation as you walked off.

He knew he was going to never fill the void he thought he long forgot even after how many years of highschool he graduated, and how many years of hero work

Nothing and no one could make him feel the way you used to.

He noticed when you leaned out of his touch

Or the small unimpressed looks you’d have when you guys would kiss

And when he would ask you’d wave it off like it was nothing

Even when you surprisingly pushed him off of you as the class was doing movie nights, sitting with space in between

Midoriya noticed every single little thing

Yet when he confronted you about it you waved it off again and left before he could even ask you anything more

So, he decided to do a few things for you just in case he did something wrong and wanted to make it up

Monday

He placed a small gift on your desk. It was a small cat-version of all might in a box. At first you smiled, but then checked the signed name tag, he nearly screamed when you scoffed at it and just tossed it into your bag. He felt his heart clench but payed it no mind. He planned the right time to come in and walked right over to you.

“H-Hey Y/N! Did you like the little gift I bought?”

He could see the clearly fake smile on your face when you nod you head, but quickly dismiss him as you see Kirishima enter the room and walking over to him. Excitedly greeting him. Like he just gave you the gift instead.

Midoriya whimpered and gripped his bag straps. Ignoring how his stomach felt like it flipped.

Tuesday

Midoriya’s almost broke down when he went in to hug you in front of Kirishima and instead you went over and gave the redhead a ‘friendly’ hug.

“Hey Y/N! Are you and Midoryia busy or something?”You shook your head and went on in conversation, blatantly ignoring Midoryia, making him kind of want to throw up lunch. He frowned because, didn’t you guys plan something? Why did you lie?

The only person who actually paid attention was Bakugo, and even he felt a little bad. So he grabbed Kirishima’s collar and pulled Kirishima with him, locking eyes with Midoryia with an unknown expression. Then rolling his eyes and looking off. But Midoryia knew for sure he owed him a favor. He tried grabbing your hand but you pulled away.

“Sorry Izu, I uh...I have to go out for a bit.”

“But weren’t we going to go to the cafe today?”

“I know Izuku but...my friend texted me and there was a change in plans. I’ll see you later though!”

Yet he didn’t see you for the entire evening. He wrote down your conversation in a notebook. Analyzing what he could’ve said wrong. He didn’t even realize frustrated tears smearing the words.

Wednesday

People started to notice the nervous tics Midoryia did when you’d start talking to Kirishima.

“Are you okay Midoryia? Your hand is bleeding. Do you need to head to the nurse?”

“Ah! I-it’s okay Todoroki! It’s nothing, really!”

He didn’t want to leave the room right now, especially with the weird feeiling in his gut when he saw you lean in a little too close to Kirishima made his hand feel numb.

Thursday

Midoriya noticed your small lingering touches and stares on Kirishima during training. He even noticed you were quieter when cheering for him than you were Kirishima.

He noticed you smiled more at his jokes than his

He noted you suddenly liked the things you said you always hated when Kirishima said was into it.

And he kept in mind that evening you barely looked his way. He frowned at the thought and decided to walk over to you. But instead he wanted bawl his eyes out when you made eye contact, and instead of greeting him you started walking forward with Kirishima.

Friday

“I can’t find a single note on what I did so wrong to make you hate me so much.”

You couldn’t even realize the boy in front of you. Blind rage all over his face, fists clenched, and shaking body. All because of you.

You honestly wanted to cry because you were so used to the loving looks he’d always give you to the cold and angry one he had on now. But you knew you didn’t deserve to feel this way. You knew what you did was wrong yet, you can’t get rid of the guilt washing over yourself as you finally locked eyes with him.

“I...I give you so much time and attention. Love...appreciation, patience. So much fucking patientce Y/N. Yet, yet you just throw it away.”

The dead grass crunched under his weight as his knees slightly buckled. The snot and tears now covering a majority of his face as he cried. His sobs sounding louder and louder in the silent evening. He bit his lip as he clenched the part of his shirt over his heart.

“It..it hurts so much, why, why don’t you love me like I love you?”

He clenched his teeth before repeatly beating the same spot on his chest. You looked in horror, then rushed over to get him to stop. He grabs you hand just as you were about to stop him.

He looks at you with such a broken gaze. Puffy eyes, and tears still streaming down his face as his scarred hand holds onto yours. Quivering lip and clenched fist.

“Was I just never enough?”

Your eyes started to fill with tears as you covered your mouth. Shaking your head repeatedly, as words couldn’t leave your mouth.

“I’ve written so many lines of the possibilities of what I could’ve said wrong. Or what I gave you. How I kissed you, how I touched you, Y/N, I-...”

“It’s not that you did anything Izuku! It’s just...I fell in love with someone else and I didn’t know how to end it.”

You looked down in guilt.

“Haha...my prediction was right. I was just never lived up to what you wanted.”

“Izuku I-“

“It’s getting late L/N, let’s go.”

It was a quiet walk back to the dorms.

Aftermath

He just kind of went airplane mode

He wasn’t the same mumble-awkward teen he usually was

But instead he’d mostly stare out the window

Or endlessly write notes

He became engrossed in his studies

Rarely going out, barely talking to anyone, and even not eating cause he felt like it would interrupt his studying

When out on his patrols he’ll try to save anyone and everyone he can by himself.

And when he fails it sends him into a complete spiral

It makes him feel the same way he did that day when you two separated

Like he didn’t do enough so it was all his fault that it ended in this way

Regular panic/anxiety attacks

Bakugo actually leaving him alone and instead checking up on him and making sure he eats (forcibly)

Todoroki, Uraraka, and Iida routinely make sure he was actually going to sleep on time, or getting any at all

It did take him a while to actually get over it

And it totally affected how he looked at future relationships

When he does get with someone everytime he just suffocates them with attention, gifts, and anything he feels he isn’t doing right he’ll do it 110%

So a majority of his early adulthood he spent single- or in short-term relationships

Eventually he stayed single for awhile since he’d always compare them to you

Though he does have days where wish it was different

Wishes it was you next to him when he woke up

Wishes that you would hold his hand when he has a bad day at work

But when he has the bad days where the anxiety, hero work, and pressure gets to him.

He just thinks of the way you used to smile at him.

Eyyy so it was originally gonna be 3 but I realized I made it a little too long. I basically had really shit wifi so that was a part of the small hiatus. But also I was originally gonna be MHA boyos x Twitch Streamer Reader. Buuut Tumblr was cracked and deleted it so. 🧍Also do you want a part 2? Cause if not I’ll make my first fluff HCS for Valentine’s. Requests are open! So go wild

#bnha x reader #angst #mha headcanons #mha imagines #mha izuku #bnha x gn!reader #bnha x female reader #bnha x male reader #bnha x gender neutral reader #bnha x poc!reader #bnha hcs #mha x female reader #mha x male reader #mha oneshot #mha scenarios #mha x gender neutral reader #mha x gn!reader #izuku midoria x reader #midoriya x reader #midoriya x y/n #midoriya angst #bakugou angst #bakugou x reader #katsuki x y/n #bakugou headcanons #katsuki bakugō #mha #bnha #bnha angst

[l1l1l1l1]

Violet Evergarden Movie review!! **spoliers**

Ya'll, I've been waiting for this movie for months now and I was super excited to be able to finally watch it!!! Funny short story, I had thought I was watching this movie on Netflix after I finished the series😂 I was hella sad when I found out it was the wrong one LOL.

I was so shocked when they brought up the grand daughter of Ann, who, if you remember, was the girl from the series whose mom wrote her letters every year for her birthday. It really came full circle and I liked the concept of the granddaughter's role, though it was minor. It really solidified Violet's importance and impact she made as a Doll.

Don't get me started on Yurith. Ya girl sobbed when his time came. I couldn't stop crying. But when Iris came in for Violet's place telling him she met Gilbert, seeing him so happy made me shed tears. When his friend came on the phone so they could talk for the last time, it hurt so much!!! Yurith's letters hit home for me, especially his letter to his brother.

I have been waiting and wanting the moment for Violet and Gilbert to be together and to profess their love for one another!!! I love them so much. Seeing Gilbert sad made me sad but seeing Violet crying because Gilbert shut her out made me feel for her. But ahh I'm so happy they stayed together. The ending is pretty open ended but for sure they lived and grew old together.

I forgot to mention how when the ED started playing that’s when the waterworks began to flow even harder lmao. I've seen people post on reddit how this movie ruined the series for them. For me, that isn't the case lol. They say that they should've kept Gilbert dead but I wholeheartedly disagree!! Maybe it's because I'm a sucker for romance but I remember when I finished the season a few months back, I legit was so sad and heartbroken that Gilbert was "dead" or at least we thought he was. Idk, I'm satisfied with this ending. The only thing I would change is have them both move to where Hodgins and everyone is haha.

The relationship Violet had with Hodgins was actually sweet. I saw him as a father figure or guardian for her. It made me sad seeing him tear up at the end knowing she most likely wouldn't come back. I hope he gets a son or daughter one day hahah since he always talks about it. One thing I wanna know is if Cattleya is with Hodgins or Benedict because I've read online she and Benedict were a thing but idk??? I also liked how Gilbert's brother redeemed himself as well and will become the successor to the family. There's so much I wanna talk about but I just can't think of it all at the moment. But overall I loved this movie and it hit me in the feels once again.

Rate: 10/10

#violet evergarden movie #anime review #violet evergarden

[stiltonbasket]

Twelve Moons and a Fortnight wrap-up Q & A!

(brief note that this post does contain spoilers, so don’t click past the cut unless you’ve finished reading!)

__

1. Hi Stilton! I love you and TMAAF! The way you write the letters really feels organic and like people writing letters to other people in a time where communication wasn't instantaneous and thats a pet peeve I have with some fics that treat letters like text. I don't know if you've been asked this but what's your inspiration for the letters? Did you just make them up as they are? Did you look at old letters and studied the tone? @iwillbetrash4eva

I made the letters up as they are, but it was essential for me to keep in mind that the characters are all highly educated, and that Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian, and Nie Huaisang in particular are very accomplished in the arts. Letters written by someone who composes music and poetry in their spare time aren’t going to be the same as emails and text messages written for the sake of raw information transfer, so I made sure to incorporate that into the letters; they’re written on pretty paper, usually in the sender’s best calligraphy, and it takes time to sit down and write them, so there’s an aspect of aesthetic reflection there that we rarely notice in modern communication.

I also felt that the characters would include snapshots of their lives and feelings while writing; this was more important with Wei Wuxian, since he throws himself so deeply into his daily life, but I also had to remember how important the past is to all of the characters and how enmeshed it is with their relevant current events. Ultimately, each letter serves as an extra look into the characters’ state of mind, which is something the narrative might not give us. 

2. What was your favorite scene in TMAAF, and which OC was the most fun to write? @keela1221

My favorite scene was Wei Wuxian’s departure from Lotus Pier in chapter 46, especially the part when everyone chased after him! I planned it several months in advance (sometime last summer, I think?) so finally getting to write it felt amazing.

Surprisingly, my favorite original characters to write (besides the main additions of Xiao-Yu, Yu Zhenhong, and Li Shuai) were the Jiang juniors. They love their Wei-zongzhu so much ;~;

3. What made you think of writing this fic? And would you consider a special epilogue because I don't think 50 chapters were nearly enough for me.❤ @avezevin

I think I just wanted to speculate about what cultivation politics might have been like after Jin Guangyao died, and TMAAF was born! And I most likely will be posting an epilogue, since I realized that the Zhenqing wedding works best as a coda instead of as a fic of its own.

4. what's your research process for tmaaf? the worldbuilding is so detailed!!

I read posts on tradition and culture and use them as sources if the chance ever comes along. A significant portion of the lore was entirely made up, but @light8828 helped me with some of the language, and offered so much guidance on cultivation worldbuilding <3

5. I really like the way you write the dynamic between Wei ying and lan zhan with their kids in all your stories. Xiao-Yu is a very lovable character and his relationship with his parents is something I go back to read many times. What do you use as inspiration when writing his, or any of his siblings, relationship with their parents?

Real life, I guess. Some of my older friends have recently had children, and they’re very good parents. :3

6. Where will you be going with the series? I need to prepare myself for heartbreak if the end is approaching, (its ok if you dont know tho! Idk is an optimistic answer, its just that you seem to have many things plotting away in that brain of yours)

Up next, I’m going to finish all the fics in the series that are still in progress, and then I’m going to write Lan Xichen’s fic, maybe a fic from Wen Qing’s point of view, a fic focusing on a reincarnated Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen, and a fic from Jin Yun’s POV focusing on his relationship with LXC and the latter’s death and ascension. This doesn’t count all the fluffy wangxian oneshots still bubbling on the back burner, so I expect this series to keep me busy well into 2022. *sweats*

7. TMAAF Q&A: when did you decide you were bringing wen qing back? what led you to making her return a result of the soul-summoning array, rather than having her have survived by some other method? @mischief7manager

I decided that Wen Qing would be returning sometime between chapters 12 and 15, since that was when I knew I wanted her to be the one to cure Wei Wuxian. And as much as I liked the idea of Wen Qing surviving, I didn’t want her to be imprisoned for the 16-year interim; it was important that she appear in TMAAF as she was before her death rather than having over a decade of character development off-screen. But she wasn’t a fierce corpse that could just be put to sleep for all that time, hence the soul-summoning.

8. For the Q&A: Stilton, how did you come up with such an adorable perfect little child like Xiao-Yu?? You write him so well it really does seem like it’s a child talking!! @whereisyourcahier​

He’s partly based on a real baby I know. :P It might sound impossible, but he’s even cuter than Xiao-Yu is.

9. Thank you for doing this Q&A! Was Xiao Yu always part of the story? (Ilhim so much!!)

He was! I always wanted Wangxian to experience parenthood together, so Xiao-Yu’s entry was planned long before he actually appeared in the fic.

10. how did you deal with any writers block that came up?

By reading comments!! I have all of you to thank for that <3<3!!!!!!

11. What was the process for plotting each arc of tmaaf? & when did you decide on what the storyline was going to be? Did you know when you started or did you incorporate stuff as you wrote?

I hashed out the whole plot at once sometime last May, and that was when I laid down the rough storyline. The overall plot was finalized by the time chapter 18 went up, though I did add further details as I went along. In particular, the mini-arc of Wei Wuxian investigating the Yangshuo plague was mostly written on the fly.

12. how long have you been planning the wen qing lang xiyan reveal? has it been something set in stone from the start?

I’ve been planning it since last April, though the exact circumstances weren’t clear until around August or September. Originally, Jiang Cheng was going to ask “Lang Xiyan” to marry him after her mourning period was over, only for her to reveal herself as Wen Qing before accepting, but I soon realized that this wouldn’t fit either of their characters. Wen Ning recognizing her was the only way the reveal made sense (both emotionally and logically) so I had to find a reason to bring him to Yunmeng at exactly the right time.

13. I just want to ask two little things (well three). Where we will be able to read the wedding of baby Zizhen and A-Qing? Will there be Chengqing? And with the last question, if it's yes, will you write a one shot, drabble or something like that?? 🥺🥺🥺

I’m going to post a 51st chapter to TMAAF with the Zhenqing wedding as an epilogue, and Jiang Cheng and Wen Qing are married by then! Wen Qing will most likely be getting a fic of her own, focusing on the time between her revival and her engagement to Jiang Cheng.

14. I just finished reading your fic and let me tell you it's one of the best I have ever had the pleasure to read :) For someone who wants to start writing, how did you start the story? Did you wrote everything with a little scheme or you just leave your brain to work in the document?

I wasn’t planning to write fic for MDZS/CQL at all, and then I randomly ended up outlining, drafting, and posting the first chapter of TMAAF within the span of around two hours. When starting a story, I think it works best for me to just let my brain work in the document without worrying too much about how it might turn out--outlines and schemes tend to come later, after I’ve gotten a feel for how the characters act and laid down some dead-basic worldbuilding.

If you’re just starting out, make sure you’re having fun and that everything you write is as self-indulgent as possible! Enjoying the process is the most important thing, worrying about all the specifics can come later. <3

#wangxian #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #twelve moons and a fortnight #q&a #asks

[prosopopeya]

Fic Writer Questions

from @clarrisani !!!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

on ao3 i have 28. tbf though i never transferred over a bunch of my stuff from lj back in the day.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

176,571

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

11 listed on ao3. shout out though to house, which i wrote a bunch for but it never made it to ao3, and likely never will, and also to sherlock holmes which i wrote some fic for but more significantly, spend 2 years roleplaying. also if we want to get real nostalgic, the hits from my ffn days included such fandoms as lizzie mcguire, buffy, star trek voyager, monk, and of course, labyrinth.

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Inevitable Homoeroticism in Spanish Romantic Heroes: my dean is a hispanist, grad school au. written bc at the time i was reading so many college aus and going you know what. you know what this fandom needs. and also i need therapy and instead i will write this fic.

i’m so glad it was and still is well received, and until this year’s dcbb, i thought i’d never write something as personally significant as this ever again. i’m happy to be adding something else to that list shortly (and hope it’s as well liked!).

as a sidenote, this fic was requested by and heavily cheerleaded by a friend of mine who has since passed away, and i will always think of jaymee when i think of this fic.

Like Real People Do: my impulse-written, kneejerk reaction to cas’s confession in 15x18. i wanted cas to have a chance to process his feelings separate from dean and also i wanted to push back on the notion that he was happy just saying it bc maybe after all he wants dean to love him back. it’s fitting that it comes after the grad school au in this list bc it was my return to fandom. also a rare example of me writing cas pov. (soon to not be so rare.)

Flying in Circles Inside a Jar: a s5 era fic where dean and cas get together in a roundabout way. god this was written so long ago and there are parts of it i want to change, but overall i’m still proud of a lot of moments in this fic. some good dialogue in here.

Command Me to Be Well: my angstier entry into my s15 fix-its. dean decides that he will let him and cas have sex but they can’t have feelings about it. this got way more popular than i thought it would, and it took me forever to write it, but it was definitely proof to me that i could come back to writing bc i had to edit this fic a bunch, and i was always horrible at editing. but i have better meds now yay!

fourth place is technically the codas to the grad school au, which also have some good moments but also the last coda i wrote makes me cry when i think about it still. but bc it’s part of the same universe i’m going to add:

Some Boys are Sleeping Alone: another early days fic ft. dean coming to terms with his sexuality and how it was affected by his father among other things throughout his life. this has essentially become the backbone to my conception of dean’s sexuality in canon. it ends sad! plot twist for me these days.

what i love about this list, looking at it now, is that it’s a healthy mix of my old stuff and my new stuff, and overall represents well my themes of dean’s bisexual journey and several examples of cas standing up for himself, though s4/s5 cas was just like that.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i didn’t back in the day so much bc, you know, grad school, i was busy. i’ve been trying to since i got back into writing but have been staring at my inbox of things i need to reply to for like three months. i will do it at some point!

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

god i don’t know. i wrote so much angstier stuff back in the day. i don’t really want to re-peruse all the random stuff on my ao3 but here’s one that sticks out to me even still: the au that has quinn fabray from glee in a sham marriage with jason mcconnell from bare: a pop opera and no one is happy. no one asked for this fic but i had many feelings about it.

7) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

these days most of my fics end happy, but the one that still has me tear up at the end is the fluff entry i wrote for dean’s birthday: through autumn’s advancing. it’s jody that always gets me. jody hugging and murmuring a goodbye to dean, and then dean watching as she hugs and whispers something to cas. i don’t know what she’s saying but her embracing cas just gets me every time.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

oh boy. back in the day, i would write just about anything anyone asked of me, and i prided myself on selling the wildest concepts imaginable. my lj contains a multitude of shames, but on ao3 probably the wildest is supernatural/my little pony: friendship is magic. here’s another example of me writing cas as he bonds with fluttershy.

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

i don’t... think so?

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

boy do i! uh the naked kind?? idk my approach to sex scenes is to try to capture realism but in the emotional sense. usually there’s a fun amount of dialogue. some amount of significance beyond just the act itself. i think my big thing is still representing the characters as themselves, in character.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i’m aware of.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

i don’t think so?!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

this dcbb is essentially being like executive produced by @marbleflan. but there may be a more explicitly co-written fic coming up. :) :) :)

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

dean/cas, hands down. nothing will ever compare to the absolute insanity of the way they happened in this television show.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

i started a dean/benny/cas purgatory fic that i want to get back to one day... also my fic with ghost!kevin teaming up with human blood!crowley and human!cas.

16) What are your writing strengths?

i’d like to think it’s capturing the feel of the character and staying ic. that’s my #1 goal always and the best comment i could ever receive. i like my dialogue too.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

plot. i can’t plot to save my life. also editing. also inventing any original character is an absolute blindspot of mine.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

well i mean. i have. done that. my bilingual experience involves some weaving in and out of a language in conversation, usually mid-sentence or once you hit a word you either can’t think of in one language or feels better in another. or filler words/phrases like well, or let’s go.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

gosh. probably lizzie mcguire.

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

the grad school au will always hold a special place in my heart. but i also really love this one i wrote that was a love letter to the virginia state fair, which i went to like every year when i was a kid and still hold a lot of nostalgia and love for in my heart. i really want to retool that one. there are some things i want to change about it, you know, almost ten years later.

@ anyone who wants to do this thing!!!!!!!

[mythykl]

UNSPOKEN,, *todoroki x (f) reader

Genre : fanfic, smut *aged up* (shoto is imagined to be 21yo or something,, and reader as 19yo)

rating : explicit, NSFW, 17+

Warning : fingering, oral?? todo is pretty horny overall. starts w a pretty intense bg story, so you gotta read through all that to get to the good stuff. cool.

words?? idk, it’s pretty lengthy tho.

our todoboi is a pretty lovin’ bf in here.

————————-

“I’m really sorry for yesterday, Y/N. I-I did’n-”

You clench your fists as you sit on the couch beside him, and interrupt, “Whatever it is- save it, I don’t blame you to begin with. I-I’m just mad. I’d spent almost a week for that chapter, to give justice and bring perfection in what I wanted to put across to the readers. Well- its not even about the time; I had thought through it so much, and atlas thought of typing it out yesterday- I mean- whatever crap that I had even written, I was proud of that- until,, your ignorant ass decided to show up in the room and fuckin’ switched off the computer assuming it’s already logged off, o-or whatever. You could’ve at-at least- fuck-” yup ya ass is livin’ in the worst nightmare of a writer, stay steady

You of course cried, and even threw a tantrum for an hour or so once you realized what had happened. But primarily, you were just mad- mad at yourself for not saving that damn file, and even at him cuz ofc. 

Todoroki certainly didn’t take it well, since he is sad at present, and can’t even look in your eyes. He apologized multiple times since last night and had even prepared a breakfast for you before leaving for work; on the other hand, you haven’t even answered to his appeals yet with clarity.

Out of the blue you just cup his cheeks, making him instantly look up- at you, and then get up with an audible sigh, “Go get ready, I’ll prepare our dinner by then.” That gesture somehow took him aback. 

He gets up instantly and blurts out in confusion, “I d-didn’t expect you to prepare a dinner for me, and on top of it- wait for me so we can have it together. You should’ve ate already, it’s almost midnight.”

You turn back to him, walking towards him to hold his hands, "I honestly don’t know what to reply. My heart- just thought it is the right thing to do that; one mistake isn’t enough to just hate you all of a sudden, Shoto. Moreover we are talking about this, it’s not like you’re being arrogant or things are left unsaid- and you’re genuinely sorry. I can see that in your eyes. I’m just- I don’t know. I’m depressed a bit- yes, but it can’t be helped now. I need some time to think, maybe.” 

Little did you know that your kind words pricked him like thousands of tiny needles against his skin. He loves you, and however seemingly ‘small’ mistake this might be, he hates himself for hurting you- the person he loves so dearly. He thinks of his mother, his complicated family life- which had made him seemingly unemotional. You were one of the people to break through that forged cold wall. He had finally accepted you as his reality than his mere escapism and live with you, but here he is- bringing tears and fueling anger in you, like a good for nothing- just like his father.

After a slight pause, he just busts his arms open and pull you close to him, in his warm embrace, “What did I possibly do to deserve such an angel?” He almost whispers in his beautiful voice.

An angel? 

“So talented, pretty, wonderful, real and warm. Remember. I love you. No matter what. I always will. And I respect you- your passion, interests, talent, likes and dislikes, freedom, strengths-weakness, your work, happiness- everything. Throw all the tantrums you want and cry all you want- more than just agreeing and being there for you- I’ll always make sure I understand you first. I’m sorry for being so ignorant lately.”

It may seem as if he’s crying, but he’s not. He said all that with a tough stance and gratefulness in his tone, a faint disbelief of having you as his significant other. While you just stood there, in surprise. You aren’t oblivious to his past and his journey through it. Is he blaming himself? or Is he again thinking that he doesn’t deserve happiness?- you’re at the loss of words and a mind fumbling all over the place. You simply subside the chaos, and hug him back. 

“We’re definitely working, Todoroki. Understanding each other more than just being in love- something that many fail to do. Isn’t this great?” You at last blurt out.

“Yes. I guess,” he says as he detaches himself from you, “I’ll be right back- until then, read what I’ll send you as you have dinner. Gonna sound stupid of me- but I already had dinner at office. I assumed that you’d not prepare a meal for me and- would be asleep by now as well.”

“Wow icyhot, I’m mad at you even more now,” you say playfully as you walk towards the kitchen.

“I-”

“Save it. You would be saying that for the millionth time now,” you chuckle as you grab your phone, lying on the dinner table.

Before serving your food, you decide to see the text, only to find an attachment with a rather strange message- ‘Hey, here’s an headcanon for chapter 37, that I wrote. Enjoy.’

Wait-

Headcanon??

Wait did he- read your wattpad book? And moreover, came up with a theory to what might happen in the ne- next chapter.

Nice. jk. Ofc you lost your shit

For the sake of getting back to senses, you legit do the deep breathing shit- which your therapist always recommended you to do.

Now what?

You serve yourself some noodles instantly, since you don’t feel hungry anymore, rush to the dining table and start chomping on the cold noodles as you open the attachment.

What made you almost throw up was that the mention of word counts. Which is 3k by the way, though no where near how much you usually write.

Shoto is definitely not the kinda guy to have read any wattpad books, or more specifically even have come across the word 'headcanon’.

He probably noticed how you mention it as well at the end, but decided to put it in the beginning,, for god knows what reason?? Or, he did decide to go through the fanons- which your readers’ posts on tumblr. This eases your nervousness, you clearly urge for more.

You swipe down, reading furiously fast, yet scanning every word and sentence- atleast twice. The chapter, honestly, was mediocre. He had ideas but couldn’t put them across- with excessive repetition of words, but he is almost close to-

“Honey, are you done?” Todoroki’s voice almost scares you. You look at your bowl ready to grab another bite- but you had already finished the meal.

“Earth to Y/N. Don’t tell me my words were that mesmerizing,” he says with a smile as he rubs his hair with a towel.

“Let’s be honest, though you don’t have the talent of a writer, your idea was- kinda similar to mine. What I’m sayin is that you almost. GOT. IT. RIGHT. Well, kuro did spy on KAORI’S house that unfaithful night, and he didn’t have any sources as such, which does mean that he is hiding his real quirk- but, no- I’m not telling you more than that.”

“Since you already know that I read all your chapters, and did like the book- I certainly can’t wait to understand why KURO would possibly do that.”

You just smirk off his curiosity; “You gotta wait boy,” you say as you as you walk back to kitchen counter with your bowl. Todoroki marches behind you to grab the cleaning cloth to clean the table, as you do the dishes.

“Put that towel in the washing machine, please.”

“Yup,” you almost feel an ounce of happiness in his reply. After he closes the machine’s door, you at last ask, "So what are your thoughts?“ It has never been one of you expectations for the people to you read your books or even, praise you for writing, but a review wouldn’t hurt, would it?

"Uhh- well, I love how everything is now just coming together, as one can foreshadow that the book’s gonna end. The use of words was elegant, and the plot is bewitching. Has been a while since I even read anything in thriller, that too- this good. Fuck. Reading kaori’s point of view just the day before the murder was- unbelievable. And characters, they all are just great.”

That is indeed a Todoroki kinda explanation. 

“Wow you did read all of tha-” but before you could complete your statement, shoto just grabbed your hips and stood tall behind you, now speaking in an extremely low tone, “And not to mention- the first sex between Kaori and Braun, it literally was like the depiction of ours. Except, they were awkward and slow, we weren’t.”

You pause. what took over him all of a sudden?

He continues, “That gave me a whole another perspective to what sex really means, and moreover what intimacy mean to you. It was.. surreal. Reading it, was as if- I’m living through that afternoon again, but with more emotions, and a bit more of you.”

“It’s not like I’ve explored much to actually wri-”

 “Oh, is that so?”

“I’m not complaining, of course, but these are the moments I believe must be left to cherish and our intimate times just feel more- sacred to me like this??” Sigh, “Ugh. Now, how do I explain?” Well, that is true, even though Todo and you’ve dated for almost two years now, it was just four months ago that you lost your virginity with him, on your nineteenth birthday. 

He had already lost his with the previous girl he was with. Though he never implied, it felt as if you were obliged to do it for him, due to your own insecurities. Once he got to know that, his reaction was nothing as what you had thought. He said that he loved you, and such things are nothing related to love; that sex is overrated, and continued on saying dorky yet adorable stuff like- cuddling was much better and what not. Since then, you had sex with him just thrice. None of you were really against this unspoken agreement, to not have-

Wait, an unspoken agreement?

Unspoken.

You instantly feel like an hypocrite, since you had just claimed to have nothing unspoken between you both.

Sudden a sharp pain in the skin of your neck brings you back to reality. Shoto is sucking on your skin, kissing ever so lightly. As if marking you.

An audible morn escape your parted lips as the bowl just falls on the kitchen sink. Todoroki leans forward and simply closes the tap and whispers, “So you do like to be 'submissive’, don’t you? Had this discovery while reading one of your books, 'Starless nights’.”

The exact book for which you had to watch vintage porn to make the chapters with intercourses more sensual and intresting.

Again, taking you by surprise, he simply turns you around as you continue stare at the ground with your hands wet, in front of you like dog’s pow.

“So I assume you liked my headcanon.”

“Yup; was much better than the crap I write, let’s go to-” but you’re interrupted-

“Now baby, we both know you’re the better writer, and that you just lied.”

“That was sarcas-” but he just pulls you closer and spanks you hard. You hiss as the pain spreads all over your butt cheeks.

“Never interfere, Y/N.” Wait wut-

Your immediate reaction was biting your lips- is he saying the words from the book? Not exactly inacting them but attempting to set a similar atmosphere, which you lowkey craved for in your wildest dreams.

“Since I’ve anyways taken this unspoken, unofficial oath of keeping you happy and stuff, now why not help you with some satisfaction- with all those juices flowing down your-”

You suddenly push him back and blurt while blushing hard, “Stop with this teasing and aw- awkward co- conversations todoroki! Fuckin’ juices, seriously? I’m not co- comfortable with-”

But then, you notice his right hand in your shorts. Or more like the sheer coldness against you clit, almost like there’s ice against it. When did his hand go in there? You end up clenching his T-shirt, as you jolt up on your toes.

“You. Clearly. Want. This. Don’t. You.” Suddenly, he pulls his hand out as he grabs your ass tight as he pulls you even further. Then, he brings his hand up to the height of you face and simply starts stares at the dampness on his fingers, “Wetter than I suspected." 

Now behold the unbelievable.

He keeps staring at his fingers, opens his mouth as he places his fingers into them and suck it as you watch this piece of art in awe.

"Can’t believe that I had you like- just thrice before this. You do live up to what I usually call you, honey.” He continues, “I hope you’ve noticed my creativity as well, as i used my coldness to.. nudge it.”

“You’re being quite quirky today, aren’t you?” This statement just makes him go still, and the next second he’s found laughing. His deep voice, almost reverberating in the silent room. He steps back, brings one hand to his face as he looks down and continues to laugh. The mere sight of him in this way gives you so much warmth, this is the moment you realize that this is the true home. With him.

When he finally looks up, the mere sight of you blushing so hard makes him lose his composure again, but this time it’s a nervous laugh. 

Approaching closer, you set your hands on his torso and continue, “That was quite execrable pun to chortle at, we were doing excellent just now-” but in reply, he simply cups his hand around your cheeks and say, “Shit y/n. You’re going to be the death to me,” and continues grinning like an airhead.

Why is he being annoying now? After so much sexual tension, how can he stop? In midst of you cursing yourself in your head, he leans at your height and kisses you.

Finally being out of patience, you look at the ground and stutter, “Ca-can we do i-it al-alrea-”

“Quite frankly, I’d like if you stay quiet, you shall take what I’ll give you, right?”

You look up immediately into his beautiful heterochromic eyes and say without any further doubts with a smirk, “Go ahead, Shoto, who am I to deny?”

“Sedective. umm, I like that.” he smirks too.

“Know that I love you,” and that’s it. Within one second, his hands are in your hair and his face is buried in your neck, digging deeper into you, as if uprooting releasing your soul from your body.

Skin glistening on your collar bone now and colours warming up on your cheeks, you whimper under his dominance, as he squeezes your waist and lightly nips against your shoulder. You shiver, with pretty evident  goosebumps, in spite of the heat you both bear at this point. 

Your breath gets hitched in your throat as he moves inwards below your collarbones. while his hands rest on your waist. You involuntarily climb a bit on him, intending to close the gap, but more to feel his manhood against you. Your hands firmly on his shoulders, almost pushing him back- maybe because it’s too much pleasure to feel at once. 

At another rise of your hips, Todoroki places his hand on your waist and pushes you back down, “Easy, easy princess,” he mummers before getting back to fiercely kissing me. You run your fingers through his hair, as you body slowly commences to accept an indeed new experience bombarded at you. 

Suddenly, you remember something. In heist, you shove him back and say, “Wait! We need to wash our hands- I- I mean we have just did chores. Well, at least partially and I need to wash myself- I mean I’m clean,” but then you stop to look at him just to find him in utter shock. 

“Shoto! I mean I want this but hygiene is impor- fuck. I’m. Such. A. Boner. Killer. Ain’t I?”

“Point made.” Todoroki picks you up in bridal style and rushes towards the bathroom.  for some reason i thought of adding this,, lmao

“Wait what-?”

“No time to waste.”

This makes you giggle a bit. You wash yourself while he as well washes his hands, and you practically pull him out of the bathroom, grab him by his collar and kiss him deeply as his hands slowly move up and down, feeling your torso- flesh untouched due to s mere knit. 

His hand unapologetically moves to the hem of your sweater, and further inside; but within one move of his, you stood there shivering, exposed. 

Immediately, you move forward in order to close the distance between you and shoto out of nervousness. His eyes drop down to your heaving chest and you’re painfully aware of that.

“Don’t. Don’t hide,” he mutters, grabbing a hold of your hands and locking them behind with one of his own for you to stay still; as he slides his other in your shorts. You feel his gentle hand running down the slit.

“Honey you’re dripping wet, what have i done to this innocence?” It seems that he expected a reply, but you didn’t. You just couldn’t. He then pulls the other hand to you face, diving in for yet another passionate kiss- accompanied by a battle of tongues this time. You are going breathless, but he refuses to move away.

The creasing in your folds level up to three fingers now,. He isn’t generous anymore, with aggressive circles in there, he finally commands, “Say my name.” 

“Sho-shoto.” Your moans only fuel in his lust and desires, his want, an indeed selfish want to have you all for himself, to offer the utmost satisfaction.

He pushes a finger into you as you instinctively let out a small breath hold his busy arm with both of your hands. This makes him push you against the wall with his free hand.

“M-my legs, it’s going numb,” on hearing this, he removes his own shirt and slightly repositions himself, with one hand now on the waist and the other back in there. He kisses your forehead as you look down, unable to keep up with his pace.

That’s when the coldness returns.

 “I- ah- can we ge-get to the bed first?” Your stuttered words only results in a widened smile from him. He is enjoying the sight, clearly in love with the effect he has on you. His head shakes, further sliding another finger inside you, “You can do it baby. You’re taking it all in without questioning.”

You nod quickly, as you start climb up a bit again. In return, he slowly curls his fingers- more and more with each passing second making you almost cry out this time, “Please n-no, this is too intense for me.”

“Yet my princess didn’t make Braun stop after that, I read in somewhere that Kaori secretly wished for him to not stop even if she said so. Just go on.”

You didn’t know how to come back at it, because it is true. You want your Shoto to push those limits you’ve set for himself, and you’d as well be fine if he simply throws off you cliff at this point. 

“Now now, spread your legs y/n.” 

Did he say something? You couldn’t listen. With eyes rolled back, you can’t comprehend anything to begin with.

“SPREAD YOU LEGS or else I won’t play nicely.” You’re eyes shoot up, and find his already searching for yours; before leaning in and gently kissing you. Your legs not being shut anymore, todo takes the opportunity, making his finger get stuffed deeper. His two digits start moving faster and harder, pounding against your walls- all while he feels you squirm to slow down.

“You can take it hun’,” he definitely knows what he’s doing, and you’re totally in for it. “Y-yes,” you moan softly. This is when he slides in a third finger, now really making you scream.

You attempt to gasp and struggle to stand, but then he says,”Stay,” as you unknowingly slide down the wall. Your nails dig in the skin of his back as you try to stable your stance on your tip toes yet eventually, your legs give out on you.

Suddenly, you feel him hit a spot which just pulls something inside your stomach. Todoroki on the other hand, notices your unusual hitched breath and starts hitting the SAME. EXACT. SPOT.

His free hand goes to the back and around your waist, holding you evermore tightly so that you won’t hurt yourself.

“I feel- like that- again-,” you manage to blurt.

“Like what?”

“Like pe-peeing, b-but different. Just like th-the last time we-”

He simply smirks, “We what?” He sighs and growls in your ear, “Is princess gonna squirt for me?”

Your body shudders against him as you moan his name, again and again, “Shoto, I-I-”

“That’s it. Squirt for me y/n,” with that he removes his hand entirely for one second, only to push two digits inside again, now thirsting harder and curling tighter; with his thumb against you slit. His hand grows even more colder, almost stinging down there, making you restless. 

“Now.”

He watches you open your mouth and moan loudly, as his hand only gets wetter, feeling you squirt against his hand. You shake hard in his hold. He doesn’t let you go. A tear escapes you eyes, but simply doesn’t seem to care,”Shoto, for some reason I-I feel s-so great wi-with yo-,” but you are interrupted as he shoves you further against the wall , sliding down your shorts and undergarment, again with three fingers in.

“That’s my good girl,” he praises you while curling those fingers inside and then removing them together. He further continues, “seems like you’re ready,“ as he rubs the wetness inside the slit, giving special attention to your clit.

Saying that, he kneels down, now facing lower abdomen and plants a kiss over there. You simply look down at him, still struggling to balance, searching for even a slightest hint to know what is there to come.

Maybe he’ll stand up an carry you to the bed? or How about making him feel better this time?

But then, his face smashes his face on your dampness; almost attempting to bury in it as he holds you up and pushes. your legs apart. You clearly know where this is going, todoroki will be showing no mercy whatsoever.

"That wasn’t even the start honey,” he confesses in midst of you moans and begs for him to go slow. It doesn’t hurt anymore as much as it gives an unbearable form of pleasure.

You moan and whimper, yet he continues to suck in your clit. You can feel a finger inside, or maybe two, as they go in and out. Practically shattering you all at once while fusing you once for all.

Your hand travel its way to his hair. Ruffled enough to make the red and the white parts almost indistinguishable.

Oh dear.

Though your eyes are close, hands are fumbling around for support and legs are strictly held in place by Shoto, yet you can feel his tongue moving. As if in patterns, not that you could figure out. It either went in for an eight or just licked off entirely as one does while eating an icecream. You moan his name again and again, the same sensation building up block by block as he paves deeper and denser.

“I can’t take this anymor-”

“What makes you think that’s gonna stop me from eating this pussy.”

Little do you know that shoto can’t hold back anymore, it’s not just that he is in control but he has lost control. At the sight of your dark flushed red cheeks, delicacy and vulnerability, he only gets faster and tougher on you. His other fingers reach around and grips your ass, with his fingers slightly grazing across your unused hole.

That’s it, that was enough for you to go stagnant again, in your mind atleast. Your legs start shaking, with your mouth parted yet again. Shoto quickly stands up, with fingers still inside, to help you stay stood up. You feel yourself about to pass out, but in actuality are fully awake and aware. He kisses you, now moaning with you as well, as he fingers you until you cum.

His teeth take in your lower lip as your eyes flicker up at his unmatched ones.

Shoto, with one hand against the wall, halts for a minute. He stands tall in front of you, while holding you as you struggle to stand.

In midst of huffed breaths, you manage to say, “I- I, I mean- can I make you feel good as well?” On listening thise words, he goes still, “Baby, you can barely stand.”

“Still-” but again, before you could say anything, he picks you up in bridal style and dropping you on the bed; letting you lay back while he removed his left over garments.

This is when his erect manhood is finally exposed, refilling your memories of your first time when you had simply wondered how would you take all of that in. You did, though it was painful. But this time you refuse to be scared by the length, you know this is going to feel the best and you’re willing to take him in, deep inside you.

Shoto sighs and walks to the bed, “No-”

“Shoto?”

“Tonight is about you. Let ME explore you.”

“I wa-wanna hug you,” you blurt out.

He giggles, “sure, all that my y/n wants shall come true.”

But when you attempt to get up, your legs just fail to response. Even the slightest movement feels like a bolt of electricity run through you. At the sight of you falling back on the bed, Shoto simply smirks and says, “By the looks of it, I think I did a pretty good job at pushing your limits.”

“Don’t- I can’t even walk.”

“Wait,” he climbs on the bed beside you, sitting with back against the headboard while you lie against him, still breathless, still attempting to move.

“Don’t move princess,” saying this, he carefully pulls you up, with your head on his thigh. He helps you sit up slowly, while embracing your body against him, and finally hugs you, like a child clenching onto his teddy favourite bear.

“You are so beautiful,” he says as he gets up, while eyes glued on you. He moves to the end of the bed and pulls you towards him as he climbs in again. His two digits reenter your dampness, almost making you hiss at first but it’s soon replaced with moans.

Your back arcs as you mumble, “Sho-shoto, I’m very sensitive ri-right n-now. ah-”

While on his part, he receives it as a signal to level up to the next stage. He slowly penetrates in, soon pacing up. Warmth filled in your hearts and sweat glinting the lustre. He repostions you both a couple of times, giving you different forms of pleasures with each go. 

You as well witness his fire quirk leaking out at times. He kisses you deeply and claims you as his own as he repeats the words, “I’ll never let you go.”

Now it’s past 3am, as your exhausted bodies lay next to each other; that’s when he whispers, “I love you.” Maybe he thinks you are already asleep, but you are not. He clearly can’t leave anything unspoken.

i hope this has left you baffled 

#bnha smut #bnha #mha smut #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #smut #smut headcanons #anime #anime smut #shoto todoroki #todoroki #todoroki x reader #bnha x reader #bnha x reader smut #shoto x reader #todoroki x reader smut #bnha imagines #bnha scenerio #bnha scenerios #bnha memes #boku no hero #icyhot #smut bnha

[youcantfiremebecauseiquit]

idk if u care but crispin gray recently had an interview about his entire career and it kind of changed my perspective of queenadreena…idk if for better or for worse lol. it was weird to see him so dismissive of a lot of his catalogue w katie except for ‘love your money’ just because that was the only remotely chart successful song. i get you want to be able to sustain yourself but jeez him and katie really had a weird back and forth relationship

Sorry i'm replying late, i've seen the interview pop up on Youtube but honestly i was too invested in university shit recently & generally not in the good mood for that but i'm planning to watch. How did it change your view on Queen Adreena, did he say something mean specifically on QA or Katie? I mean i gotta watch it but honestly? Not surprised in the slightest. A few years ago he was asked to describe fave songs he recorded throughout the years and he listed more of Daisy Chainsaw ones than anything else, with Love Your Money as number 1. The differences in their points of view are real something, Katie Jane absolutely HATED Love Your Money, same as Daisy Chainsaw. Kinda apparent he wanted bigger fame but DC dropped fast and QA failed to live up to their predictions.

i had a time when i liked to dig up old Queen Adreena interviews that are lost in the old internet & generally not available for years (which i planned to post on is-she-suffering but my investment in that site is... varied in its intensity). Also that was back in the days when i wrote Queen Adreena book during manic phase and tried to sell it but lost motivation Well since i don't do anything with that knowledge anyway i'll put what i know here as i love fan discussions

So they sure had/have odd back and forth love-hate relationship & that's the reason why their career went how it went. There's been a huge tension between them at some point. I'm sure you know she had a major mental breakdown (probably schizophrenic episode) after Daisy Chainsaw, or even beginning before her leaving, and then she went into isolation and lived with an old woman in Lake District for awhile. She left Daisy Chainsaw cause Crispin didn't want her to come up with her own songs (all of DC was by Crispin except for Lovely ugly brutal world by KJ).

They almost split up as Queen Adreena after Drink Me. The material for The Butcher and The Butterfly was written at different times, originally it was meant to be called Atom Bomb at Bikini but it was constantly delaying and they eventually recorded everything they've got live. So that's obvious right? But i was surprised to find out they were writing songs separately. Some of them (i forgot which though) were written by Katie Jane and Pete Howard's sons band (they're even credited) + some with Melanie Garside, Richard Adams + some other musician. Katie Jane didn't like it. They intended it to be their last album at the time. She also hated live at ICA show but they released it cause they were broke

But that's a digression. I just wanna say that at this point they were done with each other but kept pushing it. Katie had her own art projects and stuff, Crispin started Dogbones with Nomi and i just remember how vaguely pissed at Katie he waas in the interviews. Like he stressed that Dogbones is his number one priority and if Katie wants to do something with Queenadreena, she must wait til Dogbones have a break first or something, and it sounded oddly bitter.

RaCH and Djinn era are just so weird, they had opportunities but let them go in a way. I don't think many people know but they were huge demand in Japan. They entered album charts and were interviewed by 11 magazines and 6 (!)TV stations there (wtf happened to that material i want to know???). But they only played 5 times or less.

Katie said she considers the band dead but they decided they can try to play for a couple more months. But aside from that she 100% lost the interest in the band around Djinn. There's an interview where she says "the overall image is Crispin but the shape will change again at rehearsals". And you can hear it, it’s more blues rock than anything. IMO it's their worst production wise. Instruments are fine but Katie's voice is so badly produced that sometimes i find some songs fucking irritating, cause they didn’t cut out her breaths and the vocals are TOO LOUD, to the point of distorting. As if she stands too close to the mic. The album is fine but it feels unfinished.

And here we come back to Crispin... here's what he said after the QA split:

Why the Dogbones started? “I needed to work more than the previous band I was in was working, the previous band who shall remain nameless, haha… um… Queenadreena. I wanted to work more than the singer of Queenadreena wanted to work… so that’s why it started. Fine by me… but I really like to be in a band, I’m not a solo project kind of guy. The last album (‘Djin’) did come out in the UK, but it was so low key because Katie kind of disappeared so there was little point in promoting it. Personally it’s my favourite by far so it was a shame but there you go… So here are Dogbones, it’s not been an easy ride but we are trying very hard.

Ok so the bitterness is kinda apparent isn't it. I think there were two reasons why they argued so much, first musical differences. Katie at some point lost interest in loud rock music for some years and went the folk way in Ruby Throat. I have a theory that Taxidermy and Drink Me are more influenced by Katie Jane and Butcher and Djinn are more Crispin. During first albums i think Katie more actively took part in music composition and choosing arrangements. She wrote lyrics, melodies but also composed a lot of songs on some little electronic keyboard thing and 4 track (Heavenly Surrender, Pray for me, My Silent Undoing, all Lalleshwari +more). Plus she wanted more peaceful/dreamy sound on Taxidermy than full on rock, Crispin complained about it in some 00's interview, that he'd like it to be more rock. Then there are 2 versions of Drink Me, the original has rough and alt versions of songs (it was sold by Katie and it's leaked on FB and probably YT). Crispin Gray apparently really hated the final Drink Me. Now next album is The Butcher & The Butterfly and it's more standard blues rock, no more crazy dreamy things of previous albums etc., Djinn is even more blues rock but darker. Djinn was his favourite at some point while KJ hated Butcher, not sure about Djinn. So i think they had different views on where they should go, Katie made her weird simplistic creepy tunes (like Lalleshwari) and folk melodies adding that strange things to noise rock. Crispin probably wanted blues & rock.

Other than that, i’m convinced they are bitter exes, lol. There’s been rumours about them dating during Daisy Chainsaw for years, plus Katie had a history of dating band members. Crispin wrote X-ing off the days about her. I don’t know if they dated again in Queen Adreena. Then there’s this interview, timeline is unclear, either The butcher & the butterfly or later:

„Katie writes all the songs herself and often looks for melodies and structure with the drummer. With Crispin - her husband or ex-husband, which is not entirely clear to me - for almost three years she has no longer been in a room. "Sometimes we send him a letter with a new song and that's all we can do. All we have are our lungs and our musical talent and we have to do with it. It is repugnant difficult life, I know most of the time how I should deal with it." But Queenadreena will still remain even exist? "I think so, we are now pretty busy and I see where the ship aground.”

I always wondered what exactly happened after Djinn, i’ve seen Katie Jane say „i think they gave up on me” while others said she disappeared. Other times CG said there’s no bad blood between them but at the same time there’s been some weird tension.  As of recent i thought they reconnected somehow through the internet and had a good relation but who really knows.s

I get why Crispin gets irritated when people compare everything he does to „stealing from KJ” but honestly, he gave them good reasons, at least in the 90’s. I can believe Starsha Lee singer isn’t copying Katie cause she’s from Brazil or something and she didn’t know Queen Adreena before. But everything else… Crispin’s problem is that he doesn’t know what he wants. He spent 90’s chasing something, tried singing himself, had girl singer replacements and even one KJ copy. Dogbones was ironically his most original non-Katie band, even with all their grunge influences. In a way he wants to be a frontman and at the same time doesn’t. Idk if he’s very controlling, but Daisy Chainsaw shows he valued his songs/lyrics first & in Queen Adreena he had to step back a lot, cause Katie’s condition was she would be in charge of the lyrics. I don’t think he realizes how strongly Daisy Chainsaw issues affected Katie, i mean from her own words you can read that aside from media attention/hate, her being unable to write lyrics had a role in her breakdown. I think she now let go but for years she hated remembering Daisy Chainsaw and she felt kind of worthless cause she was only somebody else’s mouthpiece. I’m not trying to say he’s cruel or anything, but i firmly believe rock lyrics writers should sing their own songs or else there are problems.

They both were writers-composers with different vision and i have impression they struggled a lot while shaping their songs, cause they both stuck to their ideas. Hence 2 versions of Princess Carwash maybe. Katie once said that he „gets terribly upset with her” cause she writes her songs on a simple wind organ and uses a few chord buttons only. Clash of writer ways/personalities/egos and at some point they had to let go.

Maybe he prefers music/bands where he was 100% in control including lyrics (note he wrote/sang some lyrics in Dogbones too). Daisy Chainsaw achieved bigger success US and UK wise as they were offered to play Top of The Pops, and they’re more well liked/remembered by „general alt public”. Queen Adreena however is way more valued as a cult band, with cult following and admiration in UK & France. Most people think Pretty Like Drugs and other QA songs are his best work and he probably finds it irritating cause truth is, he never managed to be more successful than Daisy Chainsaw/Queenadreena. Love Your Money is ironically the least Crispin Gray/DC/QA sounding song in my opinion. I kinda find it irritating that he downplays Queen Adreena cause it was probably his best work in this band but whatever

So yeah sorry for the word spill, that’s what i can think of it right now but as i said, i haven’t watched the interview yet, it’s just this kind of treatment is in a way consistent for him

#asks

[ones-delight]

I unfortunately won’t have therapy until the end of this month (I should have scheduled one earlier this month ugh lmao I thought one later this month would be better) so I’m doing what my therapist suggested, write down all what’s going through my head even if it doesn’t make sense to help bring myself back to reality. lol. I’m very much lost in my own sauce of feelings and thoughts. it’s allllll about my ex again so ugh lmao. My main anxieties are just feelings about my ex and what’s coming up this semester.

I’m currently in my apartment in Iowa City since we’re about to start back up my usual routine. I’ve been here for almost two weeks now which is nice because I’ve been trying to take my time to relax and get myself mentally prepared for this upcoming semester. I’m also low key glad I’m having these overwhelming anxieties right now instead of later this week. I need to ask my therapist again what exactly I am feeling (if it’s like a panic attack because i truly dont know) because I’ve been feeling hella anxious the past few days (in general) and yesterday my anxiety was so intense that I barely ate and I felt sick to my stomach. idk if others have the same too but when I also get hella anxious, all I want to do is go to the bathroom so tmi lmao. I feel this way now and I just cannot stop crying so again, I’m just writing everything that’s going through my mind lmao.

#1) Related to my ex, heart break

Yeah.. I literally keep talking about this/him and I’m glad I have multiple outlets that I can say what’s going through my mind because if I keep these thoughts to myself, I keep spiraling. I’m also very thankful I have multiple strong support systems from people where it truly doesn’t get annoying to them when I keep talking about him/my overall heart break/healing journey. I know I don’t want to burden my friends with my own thoughts (it can be a lot) so overall very thankful for friends, family, and my therapist lmao. 

I think the last time I talked about my heart break was the letter I wrote to him. I wrote it and sent it to him lmao. I also wrote his mom a letter in Spanish because I want to stay connected with her and very thankful she reciprocates the same energy, Apparently, he never received the letter even though I sent it over 3 weeks ago, but anyways yeah that’s a story I will tell later in this post. Anyways, it’s legit easier said than done to completely stop checking on his social media. I was doing great before winter break. Now that winter break has happened (still kind of is for a few more days), I have relapsed where I was checking very often. The break was great since I got to spend quality time with family, however, unfortunately being back in Wichita still floods a lot of my emotions where there are still a lot of memories of him and I that still makes me feel sad (luckily no longer sobbing about but I do still feel some type of way. It’s getting better thankfully). It also hurts that he’s making new memories with his new girlfriend Kylie so I was def feeling all sorts of things. Sorry, I’m trying to go onto chronologize order of events that have happened. I’m jumping back and forth lmao 

First, did I mention his mom called me the day before Christmas? I was SHOOOOOK when I saw her name on my phone. I legit froze because I wasn’t sure if it was actually her so I accidently missed her call. I’m so glad she left a voicemail so I could listen first and immediately call her back LMAO. But basically, she wanted to check in to see how I was doing, wish me and my family a merry christmas/happy new year, and asked if I could come see her. We joked a bit back and forth like how she was learning English for me while I’m learning Spanish for her. lmao. so after this phone call, I wrote her a letter to update her on what I’ve been doing. I wrote it all in Spanish since that’s her primary language so thank god for google translate. overall, I told her about how I’m about to earn my masters degree in may, I’ve lost now 30 lbs of weight/having a better relationship with food, how I’m honestly still hurt about her son cheating on me (I was in my feels. You know if you ever get those feelings like you want your mom? She legit is like a mom to me since my mom isn’t an active part of my life so yeah I guess you can say I got mommy issues but anyways) I also told her that if she’d still like me to come over, I’d love to come over and see her.

Few days go by, I’ve been creeping onto his social media, it stings to see how he has flaunted his relationship with Kylie. It hurts because I keep playing this comparison game because he truly has NEVER allowed me to post about us and he would himself refuse to post about us on his social media. So, just to see how he’s been basically spending every single day with her and posting her throughout all of his social media, makes me feel an extreme type of way. during new years, she had a party at her house where it was him, her, his brother paco (which I was SHOOOK because she met paco and not everyone has ever met paco, who is his oldest brother), miguel and his girlfriend (both are super cute btw), Blake (surprisingly), and Erik. I felt some kind of way because obviously I know they would share a new years kiss even tho they’ve only been dating for literally a month. I dated him for 3 years and NEVER got a new years kiss (because he wanted to be with bros). Valentines day is coming up and it’d be their “two month” anniversary and I just KNOW he’d actually put EFFORT into spending that day with her. 3 years I dated this guy and he never ONCE did ANYTHING for me for valentines day. ok I’m getting more hurt thinking how he’s treating his other girls better than me so anyways BACK TO THE TOPIC

few days go by and I got another call from his mom. I actually picked up this time because I was really excited to hear her voice again. I legit would die for this woman legit #1 mom. She asked if she could see me and I happily said yes. It really means a lot that she still gives me the same energy that she gave me when I was still dating her son. One of the hardest parts of us breaking up was the potential of losing his family too because they are all truly good people and I am NOT the CEO of letting people go lmao. okay back to subject, I had TONS of anxiety driving over to her house because I had so many thoughts. I asked on the phone if 1.) is Lalo there. She said no. 2.) Is Paco there. No, he apparently flew back to California that morning. I was low key hoping paco would be there still because it would be cool to catch up with him but anyways my main concern was if eduardo was there so since he wasn’t, I was like “ok vroom vroom let’s go” lmao. WOWOWOWWO seeing her just made my heart so happy. She def has a lot more gray hairs since the last time I saw her lmao she’s the cutest anyways, I’m really shook that HIS DAD FREAKING HUGGED ME. THIS MAN NEVER USUALLY HUGS ANYONEEEEEEEEEEE. Typically how we greet each other, it’s like a wave from a distance and we obvi acknowledge each other. so WOOOOW I was very thankful and shook he hugged me. Anyways, his mom showed me around the house with the Christmas decorations, I noticed her birds were still doing well, she even showed me her new plants she got lmao. We sat at the dining room table and talked and ate mexican snacks. She has broken English and I have broken Spanish so literally thank god for dualingo because it has helped me. I love how when we are together, we talk really slow and try to annunciate for each other LMAOOO. Anyways, THIS WOMAN ALSO GOT ME A STOCKING filled with Mexican Candy. omg this woman i love her so much. Anyways, I showed my tattoos to her and she legit wanted to murder me lmao but she says she likes them but hates them at the same time. She also sat me down and we had a serious conversation in terms of how she sees me. She said that I am no longer known as lalo’s novia, what I am to her is a daughter. I am evelyn’s sister and yo boi that got me crying in the club because that’s what I would love to have, to maintain my relationship with them . Okay, to kind of speed things up, basically we kept talking about Evelyn’s quinceanera that’s happening this year AHHHHHH, dropped Evelyn off and her friend to a friend’s quince, and his mom took me to eat at paleterias tropicana where I tried elote for the first time and had a jugo verde WOOOOOW SOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD. literally cannot stop thinking about it. Anyways, random note, I noticed my old K-State beanie in the car and his mom said it was Evelyn’s. It gave me a weird feeling because it was originally mine that he gifted me on our first Christmas together but obviously I knew he wouldn’t keep it so I’m not suprised he gave it to Evelyn. It made me wonder then what did he do to the other gifts that he originally gave me but I gave it back to him once we broke up.. okay that was a tangent, anyways, that was it with the night with his mom and ughhh it was a really fun night and I really am looking forward to seeing her again.

Now fast forward to now-ish, me not doing good of not checking his social media, I got triggered because they now made it “facebook officlal” that they are dating. it triggered me because again, he refused to publicize our relationship and it really threw me off that they’ve only been dating for a month (technically interested in each other since October, started dating November) and already publicizing they are together. they moving hella quick and basically, I got hella bitter. I felt reckless and I texted him. I KNOW I shouldn’t have texted him because I immediately felt a sense of regret after but also low key glad I did text him. ugh i hate me lmao. Anyways, i texted him and he asked if he could call me so I said yes. Luckily, the conversation was better than I expected because it was simply like two old friends catching up. It was a really good feeling even tho I’m honestly still hurt about the way that he treated me. It caught me by suprised when he said that he has talked about me with Kylie and he actually stated that he knows what he did and feels regretful for the choices he made. That was a huge shocker and I do still have trust issues because I try to take things that he says with a grain of salt. He may be saying things to me that I want to hear but it’s not the truth so anyways lmao. Our conversation was good and it really got me thinking what exactly am I doing/how am I really feeling.

I really am happy for him. Yes i’m still deeply hurt and feel a type of way about how he treated me, but I can’t do anything about the past and all I can do is just simply be happy for him. I will always love him without a doubt, but he isn’t my person. I hope this doesn’t come off as selfish but he will never find someone better than me, he is simply finding someone better suited for him. What helps me the most about this is thinking about ME because that’s the situation for him, however, I know I will find someone better than him because I deserve the best.

I felt bad for asking because I am just fucking nosy and I’m glad he was okay with me asking about what happened with his relationship with Lila (the girl he left me for) and how did he start dating Kylie. He shared with with me that even though it was all great in the beginning with Lila (and let me tell you dude, he totally was hella infatuated with her lmao), they started becoming two different people. She apparently wasn’t emotionally there for him when he needed her (IRONICCCCCCCCCCCCC BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY HOW HE WAS WITH ME THROUGHOUT OUR 3 YEARS TOGETHER) and she ended the relationship. It did make me sad to hear because everyone needs support and it is sad when you go to someone for support and they don’t give you it, ya know? anyways, he said with Kylie, they’ve been friends for two years (I knew who she was when we were together but they’ve always only been friends since they worked at the Sunflower together. This will sound extremely bad but I never thought about her being a girl to worry about because she did a lot of “white” things that we make fun of white people for and so it kind of shocked me that he is dating her now but anyways) apparently he said that “they were hanging out and next thing he knows is that he kissed her and that’s how they started dating.” dude didn’t want to go into detail which was fine but I’m also in my head like “ok lmao you literally just got broken up by your ex and then immediately start hanging out with another girl? ok” ANYWAYS, I really am happy for him and wish him the best. 

It was cool to hear about what he’s hoping to do. He shared a lot more detail than usual which again caught me by surprise. Anyways, he shared that he is currently looking for a new place to live (a house to rent) somewhere in college hill (conveniently where Kylie also lives lmao) with Erik. He is also hoping to find another job soon because things at KWCH are no longer making him feel happier so he’s looking to see if he can work for a non-profit org which makes me happy for him because I’d also want to do the same. If I’m at a job where I’m not excited to be, I’d want to also try to make a switch. He also shared that junior (martin, his little brother) will be moving to Cali in May to move close to paco which wow made me really happy for them all. Anyways, he shared that he is hoping to stay in Wichita for about one more year and then possibly relocating to KC or somewhere in Oklahoma. i did encourage him KC because it seems that KC has much more opportunities than Wichita and Oklahoma. Only thing we both hate is driving in KC lmao

Okay, so overall, I’m still really hurt about how our relationship was and how it ended but I’m very grateful that I’m doing what is best for me to make progress because this is not an overall easy thing to do, move on. I do feel low key embarrassed that I still am not over our break up but I’m very glad that I know that He isn’t my person. we will and I cannot get back together with him even if he stated that he has “changed” Yes i invested so much in him to be my forever partner and it didn’t work out but that’s okay. I’m always willing to invest in people to be the best version of themselves and it really makes me happy to see people thrive. I truly cannot and will not take him back if there was ever a time where he wanted to give us a second try because I need to remember how he treated me. If he really was always thinking it was me, then he shouldn’t have cheated on me, treated me so poorly. I’m okay with us remaining friends, but as partners in life? that isn’t it. I deserve so much better and the man of my dreams will come. I’m 10000000% okay with being single because I know I need to work on myself so that I can be fully ready for my next. I really wish my next relationship is my one and only, but hey we’ll see. 

so this is already extremely long but I’m very glad I got this all out of me. I know I have other anxieties such as starting school again, which will be my last semester before I earn my masters (FINALLY), RA training coming back up (so me working is coming back), JOB SEARCH. So much is coming up and AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I need to get my head into gear. 

#personal

[botwstoriesandsuch]

Since you’re promoting Zelda OCs I would like to share this thing that happened to me with you and if you want you can also tell me what you think. There is this botw artist who had her Zelda OC whom I liked very much. Her art is beautiful but she’s been very mean. It's true: “never meet your heroes”. One day she shared a post about her OC asking others if they had ocs as well. I shared my OC in the comment section saying I made my OC based of myself. She immediately DM me saying I should delete the comment because to her it looked like I wanted to use her ‘popularity’ to promote my art (dude wtf she isn’t even THAT famous lmao). I ofc told her I was ashamed by it and deleted it... I complimented her and she didn’t even give a shit about it. I told her I wanted to let her see my OC to not make her feel ‘alone’ and she told me “uhm okay I don’t need your approval, I’m quite happy with that I make”. And last but not least when I said I’d been following her since 2018 she said “but I don’t see you among my followers”. What do you think? It made me so depressed I quit drawing my OC for three days.

Well, obviously I have no context for the whole extent of this situation, so very well could be misunderstand and tone and other stuff factored in there, but going off what you’ve said overall sounds like she’s a BITCH. Not very poggers of her if I do say so myself. 

There’s maybe an argument and point to made there about not putting art in another person’s art post because I guess it could be seen as derailing. But like, if she asked for people to share their ocs then people are gonna share their ocs lmao. Also, and this is just my personal opinion and I’m no artist myself so take this as you will, if someone posts art, and then someone reblogs that with their art that’s related/inspired by the original topic, 90% I’m able to appreciate both art separately. Welp, I guess she’s op so she gets some semblance onto how she wants people to interact so. Good for her for not needing people’s approval to enjoy the things she makes

But that shit about “using popularity” and questioning your follow time...wow that’s bitchy sldkjfs apologies I can’t think of the proper synonym for it but it just is. Gonna call the cops? Gonna report me? “Oh how scandalous that this person who follows me and likes my content has been following for only 200 days and not a YEAR like they said smh” boi shut the fuck up no one cares. I don’t care, and you shouldn’t care. If you’ve followed since 100 followers, sweet. If you’re here from just this month, welcome. What is this gatekeeping obsession with how long you follow people for like I get it if you’re friends or mutuals but literally what is there to gain by saying shit like “only REAL ones have been here since 1k subscribers” or “only my TRUE fans are the ones from 2017″ like fucking shut up, since when has follow time constituted for how much you enjoy and appreciate something 

“Using my popularity to your advantage” arguments have also grinded my Ancient gears. Like yes, there are assholes who only want to talk with you or be friends just so they can use your position or whatever for their benefit. They totally exist don’t get me wrong. People who are like that, you have my approval to punt them. But also, the entire idea that just because someone is benefitting from someone else’s popularity they are a bad person is really wrong. Not to bash capitalism on the Zelda sideblog, but the entire idea that the rich and “famous” (heavy heavy quotation marks there considering we are on tumblr) are only successful because of their hard work is just blatantly false. Sure it’s important, it gets you like 50-70% of the way there, but the rest of that very significant percentage is just luck, or just factors in user engagement, or current trends or maybe they’re related to someone influential. It’s a roll of the dice. You don’t own popularity, you just don’t. That is completely owed to the people that follow and engage with you, so who are you to insult them.

Now, I’m not saying that you owe your followers anything, in fact, yeah I’d agree blatantly: You don’t owe your followers anything. You make the thing, they get the thing, they follow/like/share, the transaction is over. But at the same time, don’t act like a high and mighty bitch about it, fucking “using her popularity,” how much of your precious and popular time do you waste to give a nice comment, or even sharing something made by someone else, someone that could very well be the reason you’re in the position you’re in right now. Yeah bitch how about you use your “popularity” to give attention to someone talented, what do you have to lose by sharing something good with people. And no one better give me that shit about “OhhhHhhHHhhhh but if you share it then they didn’t eaarrnnnn anything and they can’t leaaaAAARnn and growww” cause first of all no, shut the fuck up, bash your capitalism brain into the earth and stop thinking that all success and growth has to be born out of pain and sacrifice. Secondly, just because someone popular shares something, it that doesn’t mean all that engagement instantly gets passed on to another person. That engagement would only get passes if the person was skill/talented/created something great AKA they worked in that regard to earn it. Idk about you, but if someone I like promotes another person, I don’t just automatically follow them, I look at them, and if I like them and what they do, then I follow. Such an incredibly stupid argument to me when people say that people are leeching off of popularity like it’s some finite resource, anyone can get a couple hundred likes and views, but if the stuff you make is quality and good, that’s when people stick around.

If you’re “popular” you should also share the work of other people that you like. Now THAT’S JUST MY PERSONAL OPINION cause there are other reasons that you might not mass reblog shit to keep yourself organized or you purely just focus on your account for sharing and nothing else or whatever other reasons there are that are probably valid, but it’s how I feel. So if you share, don’t share because someone asked or begged you, or because you want the nice guy clout, just fucking share the stuff that you like because you like it, because those 5 seconds it takes to click a few buttons could mean a world of change to someone who very well could have been in your position had the stars of the social media algorithm aligned a bit differently.  

Wow I wrote a lot, I guess this was something I really wanted to rant about huh. I guess I just really want you to know that, yeah, that person sounds like a bitch, and you shouldn’t let that experience stop you from making the things that make you happy. TL;DR be nice to your nice followers, popularity is a made up currency so just fucking spend it wildly, OCs are pretty rad

#long post #sorry #not botw #rant #there's nuances to the argument obviously #but also #being nice feels nice #so #take that haters

[rigelmejo]

Extensive Reading Updates - Zhenhun

I have been extensively reading zhenhun, my print novel version so I am not looking up any words. (Whereas with the hanshe pingxie fanfiction I am still occasionally clicking a word). I have read the first 20 chapters of the webnovel version of zhenhun in Pleco in the past few months, so most unknown words I have looked up before at some point. So right now I'm re-reading a lot of the same content and will be until I get past chapter 20.

I can tell that my comprehension of zhenhun probably is at about 95%. As in, its enough that I can follow the main plot and most key info details, but there's enough unknown words that I cannot guess some of them from context if its a totally new part of the novel I'm reading. And I run into a number of words in the in-depth scenery and character backstory descriptions that I just do not know and there's enough I don't always have enough context to guess relatively closely to their meaning.

Since these first 20 chapters are a re-read more or less, I have the extra context of 'knowing the overall plot that happens here' already. So I'm reading slower than I probably could, trying to figure out any unknown words from all the surrounding word context and the prior-plot-knowledge I have. For these re-reading sections this is working well, a majority of the words I can re-remember or figure out. I am hoping I will pick up enough of THESE kinds of unknown-words during this re-reading portion, so that hopefully my comprehension when I get to the new parts of the book will be a bit higher than 95%. Then hopefully once I get into totally new parts of the book: my reading speed will be a bit better (less unknown words I hope lol), and I will know a bit more words to guess more totally-new unknown words (that I've never looked up before) vague overall meanings.

Examples of what things I can read clearly versus parts I can't figure out all of the words enough to be relatively sure of the details. In chapter 1, I can read the parts about "Guo Changcheng having a phobia of phone calls" clearly, but then the details about him being afraid of people and having social anxiety I can follow certain parts, but other parts of the descriptions (like him when he sees a teacher or principal) I just sort of vaguely guessed meant he was terrified of them. When chapter 1 described Zhao Yunlan's entrance, I could clearly follow the parts about him looking serious/having a bad attitude and walking fast with the attitude of "if you're in my way roll the fuck away" and then the part about how instantly his mood changed to warm, he smiled friendly, he talked kindly and helped Guo Changcheng out by patting at his shoulder when Guo Changcheng got all sweaty trying to shake hands. But then the part about how Guo Changcheng sensed a seriousness/almost-scariness about Zhao Yunlan? All those details read vague to me and I am just summarizing that my interpretation of it was "even acting friendly, Guo Changcheng felt he was serious underneath/powerful/had an intimidating vibe." And since that detail read SO vague to me, I can't tell if that was an early hint Zhao Yunlan might be a god/used to have been Kunlun, if its just another implication Guo Changcheng is afraid of people/authority figures, or if it was trying to imply something else I just did not pick up on. So even WITH the re-reading prior context of these scenes, in-depth descriptions of character's intepretations still are more vague to me even if I can guess some of the words. I imagine this will get worse when I get to the totally new chapters - unless I learn a LOT of helpful words from context by the time I get through the first 20 chapters.

When I re-read the Kunlun intro I realized I may have translated some details wrong when I translated it to english several months ago. Now, this time I didn't use a dictionary to read at all, so it's possible I also did not interpret the details I read correctly THIS time around. But yeah, a couple days ago when I re-read that part I interpreted the 'qing yi' as possibly green/blue cloth Kunlun is wearing as the blizzard is blowing (whereas when I first translated that line months ago I thought it meant 'clear white fabric' blowing in the wind like some ripped piece of cloth - its also possible this time it still means 'bright cloth' but I do think it sounds more like its Kunlun's clothes than a random cloth blowing in the wind). And this time, when I read about Shennong it seemed more like he was either a god who'd lost his powers, or a god who'd lost his godhood fully, and its just he still retained his kind unselfish demeanor. Whereas when I first translated, I figured he was just a god 'who'd suffered' because of the great calamity that had just happened, but not particularly doing any worse than that. In this re-read though it feels to me more like its implying something more severe has happened to him/is happening. Also during this re-read, the line about 'the hole in the ground being so deep the rain did not even reach this far down' was much clearer for me whereas when I initially translated I had to look up a Ton of words in that section and still didn't quite get what it meant.

Also for the chapter 1 re-read, certain details were much easier for me to clearly understand. The part about McDonalds I FINALLY recognized that word in the sentence, the part about Guo Changcheng parking then going into the courtyard area and seeing the lobby office building, the part about human resources department, all of those sections I followed the details much easier than last time I read with a dictionary. So yeah, I'm curious which parts will be 'clearer' to me this time reading.

I am still reading at a slow 5 minutes a page (speed I was reading print novel of zhenhun last time). But to be fair? I am slowing down to try and figure out every unknown right now on the re-reading sections. And I read english fiction at like 3-4 minutes a page (why???? Do I just... picture and savor a lot???). I know when I'm reading nonfiction or back when I'd read class-assigned things I could read way faster, but I think its just because I scanned for important info and details and then moved on. Idk but...I really do read english fiction too slow too lol (I'm reading a friend's book and I've read like 110 pages despite like 10 hours on this book so far T-T just because I keep savoring it and pausing and rereading). I'm rereading a fic I wrote, so I know everything that happens, and I was reading like 1 page every 3-4 minutes ;-;. I know I can read super fast I think when I like something I just... slow down. Now, my chinese is reading slow just because reading slow is ALL I can do lol. But I may need... to be more realistic that any novel may take me 20-30 hours optimistically when I read like an english novel that's only 300 pages over 3 weeks now and I'm only 1/3 through it.

I can read chinese a touch faster if its actually in my 98% comprehended range I think. For hanshe, while when I'm slowing down looking up all unknown words its probably around the same speed as zhenhun? While I'm just reading to follow the story, I can finish a whole chapter in a handful of minutes. Now, like zhenhun, I am currently reading chapters I have already read before - so the familiarity is likely speeding me up. So that fact does mean it probably won't be as easy/fast once I get to the new chapters. At the moment though, unknown words pretty much all I have a good guess of understanding roughly in context (a lot like me reading fanfic in middle to high school as far as the amount of new vocabulary beyond my range that is not affecting my understanding). I just do not necessarily have a good chance of guessing completely new hanzi pronunciations (which is the main reason I keep occassionally looking up words). The hanzi I've vaguely seen before, I can sometimes guess their reading based on radical or the other word I know them from. But the completely new hanzi I do not remember seeing at all (although I did apparently at some point during the first read through) - I cannot make a decent pronunciation guess sometimes. And of course, the hanzi I always cannot guess correctly for the life of me (looking at you 'suspicious' 'hesitate' 'doubt' because I am STILL getting those 3 words/hanzi in them confused even though I've probably looked up each word like 40 times at least).

For me, print text is slightly easier to read (and in extensive reading its somewhat easier for me to guess new word meanings/hanzi). By this I mean the font they usually use for print novels (it looks a bit more like handwriting with more slanted lines and less 'blocky' of a look). I sort of think its because the print text usually used in books has more obvious radicals to me. So my eyes parse out the radicals I'm looking at easier and can make a guess at meaning/pronunciation. An obvious example is any time a 'sound noise' is written with hanzi with the mouth radical on them. When I'm reading in print text, I recognize 'mumbled, shouted, humph'ed, sighed, breathed in etc quite quickly. Along with sounds like 'xililala' and 'deng deng deng' and there was a sound phrase used I think in Guo Changcheng's section about school in chapter one that was like he sort of 'tumbled/fumbled his way through school' and while i know tumbled/fumbled is probably not Exactly the word? It looked like a sound-noise word to me because of the mouth radical, so I figured it might be something like that? Whereas I know when I read the webnovel if I saw a 4 hanzi phrase like that I would've just gotten confused by those hanzi cause I wouldn't have recognized the meaning of the other radicals in the hanzi. Also a few weeks ago I changed a fic I was reading's text to the print-usual text in Pleco, and had a much easier time reading less slow/recognizing hanzi I'd seen before. That said, recently reading a ton of hanshe has helped computer-text reading ability a bit I think. I'm getting much more used to recognizing radicals in computer-text website usual font, which I notice most obviously in that I'm hitting more 'sound hanzi' that are getting less confusing to me to recognize.

So I guess in summary, reading extensively is going fine. I'll find out in a few weeks if its causing any improvements. I do think its helping with my ability to recall words/pronunciations of words I've seen before though. Just because the quicker I can do that the less I pause, and I don't have a dictionary to help me out so I seem to remember some pronunciations quicker (maybe because I 'have' to). I also think its helping me with general sentence parsing a bit - which I thought I was fine at, but on re-reading the beginning of zhenhun I am realizing there's a decent amount of sentences I did NOT interpret quite right the first time around even with a dictionary.

#september #september progress #reading progress #i am happy my reading skill is improving but as usual its definitely a slow progress #i would not be surprised if i read zhenhun AGAIn in a year #and found out yet Again how many details i'd misunderstood prior lol #i think thats. just how it is sometimes maybe