#it's all stressing me out so much grrrr | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

raksh-writes · 7 months

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I got my results today, so Im back to uni starting tomorrow (yay!), but at the same time it has not assuaged my stress levels whatsoever sooo yeah, that's fun 🙈

Damn you, anxiety!

#personal #Raksh posts #vent #*shaking my fist angrily at my ridiculous anxiety and overthinking brain*#classes start tomorrow but also I gotta like Officialy sign with my paperwork and all first #plus the internet sign ins start at the same time classes do and I have no idea when I'll get access to the platform so #fun #it's all stressing me out so much grrrr #Ive prepped some food already tho and Im gonna finish up the paperwork now #get an outfit ready and get my old backpack out of my closer oooof #I'll have some hours before I'll have to leave for the train tho so thars for making some sandwiches and buying tickets #tho that one might be better to get now hmmmm #at this point Im just venting anythinf and everything hoping it'll help with the stress 🙈#sorry to anyone that's still reading this rambling mess 😅#its gonna be a long and stressful day tomorrow and even a longer one on thursday #(god the fact I'll prob have to wake up for a train that leaves at 5.50 Im gonna hate it so much 😭)#my commute depending on the day might add up to a total of 3h so big OOF #but still cheaper than trying to find a room in the city prob 😬#and I get wednesdays and fridays off so that's nice #maybe I'll try looking for something part time for those days later on too who knows #for now gotta survive this week and see where it goes 😅

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miquella-everywhere · 2 months

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Miquella and Griffith: Why the comparisons make no damn sense

So instead of me screaming to the sky, "Waah Miquella is Griffith theories make me so mad grrrr I hate them so much" I've decided that I'm going to do an analysis between the two characters and dissect why the comparisons and Giffiths influence on Miquella makes absolutely no damn sense.

So first and foremost, warning: I will be talking about and spoiling Berserk, so if you wanna read it for yourself then steer clear of this analysis

So to start off let's discuss Griffith and his character/motivations in Berserks story: Griffiths whole goal from childhood was to establish his own country, his own paradise and to achieve that goal he first established his own mercenary group The Band of the Hawk. Griffith was beautiful and charismatic and the people who were apart of his band all looked up to Griffith and admired him, placing all of their hopes and faith into him and his dream.

But as the story goes on Griffith hits an all time low point, and after essentially being tortured for a year, which makes him emaciated, weak and practically crippled for life, all of Griffiths dreams seem like an utter impossibility as he is left as nothing more than a shadow of his former self.

That is until he decides to cast everything aside to become a God.

And by cast everything aside I mean that he betrays his companions, his Band of the Hawk, and sacrifices their lives to untold evils in what is absolutely the most genuinely horrific and unsettling imagery I have ever seen from a work of fiction in my entire life.

(Going off topic but I cannot stress this enough that if you decide to read Berserk understand that the violence shown pulls no punches with its depictions and involves both heavy gore and sexual violence. Especially the sexual violence)

Anyway, what makes the Band of the Hawks sacrifice so jarring is that these people all loved Griffith. They adored him. Backed him every step of the way and were the ones to go and rescue him as he was being tortured, and they all mourned the pitiful state that he was in when they found him. But regardless they STILL tried to be hopeful for Griffiths sake.

The Band of the Hawk loved Griffith and that is why Griffiths betrayal of them hits so hard and is why Griffith is known as one of the most evil characters in fiction.

And all of these reasons are precisely why Griffith is such a good and compelling character.

From the beginning of Griffiths introduction you could tell that something was... off about him. But at the same time his charisma and big ambitions painted him in a sympathetic light and you rooted for Griffith. But as the story went on you could see how Griffith was going deeper and deeper into the darkness and, quite frankly, his subsequent torture is entirely his own fault because he made several stupid and completely avoidable choices.

And it's all because Griffith at his core is selfish.

And it's for exactly these reasons why it's so baffling to me that so many people believe that Miquella is going to be just as evil, or worse, than Griffith.

Because in truth unlike Griffith, Miquella is not selfish.

The main problem that I have with the Miquella is Griffith comparisons is that all of those theories hinge entirely on the Bewitching Branch item description, and so many people have gone out of their way to spin Miquellas ability to compel affection as definitive proof that he is manipulative and evil, meanwhile conveniently ignoring everything else that Miquella has done in the lore.

So for a single moment, let's pretend that the Bewitching Branch does not exist and take a look at all the other lore that surrounds Miquella:

Miquella has dedicated most of his life to curing Malenia, his twin sister, of her crippling disease, and has even crafted prosthetics for her as well as an entirely new type of God Repellent Metal, which can halt the effects of said disease

He was a Golden Order Fundamentalist but ultimately abandoned it because it could not cure Malenias sickness

He created a Haven for those who are outcasts in the eyes of the most dominating and repressive Order in the Lands Between

He watered said Haven/the Haligtree with his own blood so it could grow into something that could rival the Erdtree

He used his identity as St. Trina to sing to and ease those who have been afflicted by the Frenzied Flame

There are several statues that depict Miquella and Malenia embracing eachother, 1 in Altus in an area dubbed Miquellas Hideaway and several all over the Haligtree. The fact that this statue is the dominant imagery found at the Haligtree really hammers in the fact that the twins love eachother, and that the Haligtree isn't just Miquella's, but Malenias home as well

He also has a clear affection/love for his brother Godwyn as the statue at the Haligtree depicts him embracing his siblings and even created a sword to commemorate Godwyns death and prayed for him to Die a True Death.

The soldiers of the Haligtree came across a bitter revelation as they await Miquella(presumably they feel immense guilt for being unable to protect their Lord) and explode with light, which they hope will guide Miquellas return and no Miquella did not put the light in them to make them explode there is absolutely zero proof of that, looking at you vaati

And now to be fair, lets get into the comparisons that are shared between the Griffith and Miquella:

Both are highly charismatic and beautiful individuals to the point where both Griffith and Miquella are mistaken for being girls.

The Eclispe imagery. For Griffith the Eclipse is what allows him to ascend to Godhood(after sacrificing the people who love him) and for Miquella the Eclipse is presumably how they are trying to resurrect Godwyn (Miquellas plans for the Eclipse are mostly unknown/vague at this point)

The Egg. Griffith and Miquella both go through a type of metamorphosis involving being encased in a cocoon/egg.

And honestly that's kinda it. The straight comparisons between the two are highly lacking and purely thematic in my opinion, especially when you consider everything else going on between their respective characters.

So to summarize, the good things that Miquella has done outweighs the bad and that is why Miquella is, in actuality, the exact opposite of Griffith. Unlike Griffith who is selfish, Elden Ring canon points to Miquella being a compassionate and loving individual, and if anything, he is a complete inversion to Griffiths character.

With the points listed above a majority of the in game text highly suggests that Miquella is kind and altruistic, and with the newest text regarding Miquella in the DLC:

Points to Miquella potentially being selfless and self-sacrificial.

And also, I've seen several people argue that Miquella wants to become a God so he can create his own utopia/Falconia like Griffith did. And I'm like.... Uuuum okay well, there is a big problem with that argument along with an elephant in the room that's being completely ignored, and that is the fact that Miquella has already created his utopia/Falconia with the Haligtree and Elphael.

So as of this moment Miquellas exact goals are completely unknown, what he is doing in the World of Shadow cannot be determined until the DLC arrives. But my point remains that so many people seem to think that Miquella will be evil based off of, in my opinion, evidence that is completely lacking in substance, along with the pervasive belief that since Elden Ring has drawn inspiration from Berserk/Griffith it means that Miquella will end up as a similar type of evil character as Griffith, all while ignoring the things that Miquella has done in canon that sets him apart as his own character.

So I've said my piece and what I believe in, so I'm just going to leave this analysis with this last statement:

The good that Miquella has done and committed himself too in the Lands Between completely outweighs the singular implied evil of the Bewitching Branch.

#uri posts #elden ring #miquella the unalloyed #elden ring theory #shadow of the erdtree #also yes this is griffith slander i think he is a dumbass lol

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anpanham · 4 months

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Hazbin Hotel character thoughts / impressions (Episodes 1 & 2)

1/12/24

UM. what a weird first actual post for my blog for this year... this is long, and i miss making ACTUAL blog posts instead of small threads... And i've explained on my twitter my thoughts on Hazbin / Helluva from a critical standpoint and artist from art separation, yadda yadda yadda---

ANYWAY... Episodes 1 and 2 of Hazbin are (Officially) out now, and i have some thoughts on the characters i wrote down after watching (In bullet points, because most of these are fresh-from-the-brain thoughts i wrote on my tablet from my bed)

(Spoiler alert, Sir Pentious isn't ruined and I AM SO GLAD. my snake babygirl... ilu)

Read on, if you wanna, spoiler warning btw!!!!!

CHARLIE NOTES

-Charlie is good., Charlie is cute, but i fear for her safety, not everyone can new redeemed. she's like steven universe at points i stg 😭 (not a jab but i think it's funny)

-i like how they gave Charlie bags under her eyes a lot, she is a tired princess just like all of us

-She gives off elementary school teacher vibes but in a wholesome way

-Charlie's hair is SO CUTE MESSY..

-PERFECT voice /gen

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- VAGGIE NOTES

-GIRLBOSS (still, but more)

-Vaggie is still cool, she just loves her gf and is sick of everyone's bs but is still supportive...

-If she doesn't get into a bloody death match with Alastor (and win) i will be disappointed /hj

She doesn't seem to have as much of a temper as she did in the pilot, but seems more dead inside

-Good voice!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ANGEL DUST NOTES

-Angel... hm. Angel. he's Angel, for sure. Hi, Angel!

Insecure about a lot, but also YOU CAN BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT!!!!! if vox doesn't kill val angel should. please and thank u.

Also his voice is alright, just need to get used to it a little more

Also i hope he's not too bratty jealous of sirpent / whoever else charlie praises because again, it's ON HIM TO COOPERATE WITH HER CAUSE MORE??? ignoring his other stress sources (Val)

-Waiting for him and Husk to kiss. I know it's coming

-Just fucking block Val's number and rip up the contract (YES i know it goes deeper than that...)

-NUGGS. I SCREECHED IRL /POS

THEY GAVE HIM A HEART ON HIS BUTT!!!!! S TIER REDESIGN

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ALASTOR NOTES

-At first i was kinda Eh about his voice but it's grown on me, the radio filter is a little more subtle than the pilot but it's still there which i'm glad for

Delightfully passive aggressive

-Weird magic still, there doesn't seem to be any limits to it... we need to know what his weakness is...!!!!! please (maybe that will come later??) ....... i theorize he has underworld contact (Shadow-world, because of the shadow imagery?) , the underworld might be different from Hell maybe? (Where do those fucking tentacles come from, also weird monochrome demons)

-Interesting he was gone for 7 years. 7 is an angelic number. HMMMMMM (sealed away by angels somehow??)

-Punchable (Vaggie please)

-Weirdly enjoyable and not genuinely hateable like some of the other characters, but i also want to see his demise, maybe his sadism is rubbing off on me, but i want to see it badly...

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SIR PENTIOUS NOTES

-Sir Pentious... u are so good.. probably has some of the best writing so far, maybe... he's my favorite so. hhHHmm

his voice is different but at the same time it's what you'd expect, i like it a lot... so silly, i pat him and his silly hat

-Pathetic old man. You win my heart (50x as much)

-Only one egg spoke so far, i wonder if they'll all have unique voices this time (the Japanese dub of the pilot did that lol)

-Genuinely a joy every moment he was onscreen (Too fucking cute... GRRRR)

-How did he get into contact with Vox? Why would Vox want anything to do with him if he thinks he's a loser? (I guess easy access into the Hotel) ...Fuck em either way (DON'T BE MEAN TO SNAKE MAN)

-Cool temporary stunning hypnosis, maybe we'll see him coil and bite next, the snake attack traits are fun

-His autism vibes grow stronger and it's canon in my heart

-We LOVE a redemption song. please stay in the hotel with everyone, don't fuck it up!!! you're a good noodle.... 😭 The song was genuinely so cute... it's probably going to be the highlight of EVERYTHING for me, besides Nuggs..

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HUSK NOTES

-i luv u kitty

-His voice is different but captures "Grumpy old alcoholic" perfectly

-His heart needs to be melted...

-Him holding the script in front of the camera was great

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- NIFFTY NOTES

-Niffty is a BIG COWARD. you can still love a "Bad boy" who's a redeemed bad boy!!!! just because he's not morally bad doesn't Not make him a Bad Boy. fuck u (i still like you)

-Her voice is really cute, also her nightgown.. though finding out she doesn't have dark bug limbs but is just wearing gloves and stockings surprised me more than it should've... put them back

-Also autism vibes, love it

-She still frightens me a bit

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V TRIO NOTES

VOX -----

-Seems to carry the team, voice has grown on me

-I can't stop looking at his weird finger claws, they almost look like

he's just wearing things over his fingers, i dig it

-Interesting hypnosis power, i assume Alastor is immune

-Why can't Alastor and Vox just compromise and create a podcast?

-Hates Val (sorry shippers) ,,... kind of expected it since in old official sources it's been shown that he's been abused by Val too

-This isn't a note but everytime Alastor said "THE TV IS BUFFERING~" in their duet, the player kept fucking up 😭

-Decent song, I like seeing him and Al argue

-I surprisingly don't hate him! i'm glad. i wanted to like him (though, it's only been 2 episodes so far...)

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VALENTINO ---------

-More manchild vibes than i expected tbh

-Voice is alright but his accent is weirdly inconsistent for some reason???? interesting direction

-His manipulation is shown well in the voicemail scene with Angel, he's literally got the "Nice Guy" energy

-Surprisingly didn't order Vox around as much as i thought he would

-Why does he have girl Fizzy bots...

-Die?

------

VELVETTE

-Fashion design isn't something i expected, but then again i didn't know that much about her prior other than she's obsessed with social media

-British is also not what i expected but cool

-Uh. she didn't really stick out to me that much...sorry..... she's fine tho

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ADAM & LUTE NOTES

-Personally do not like how these angels look so menacing, i get that they're technically bad, but... make them look more angelic besides halos and wings??? they could easily be mistaken for hell residents. Also again, i feel like angels should swear less and drop swears in critical / good timed moments, it would be funnier... subtlety is not a thing i guess

-Adam's guitar solo was good tho, not really feeling his character tho, he's just an asshole but that's the point

-Adam looks like the fucking dress meme. I can't unsee it

-Lute is pretty...

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KATIE KILLJOY & TOM TRENCH NOTES

-Brandon Rodgers

-They sure were there for a second!

-i luv tom

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All in all...

Episode 1: 6-7/10

Episode 2: 8.5/10

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tonberry-yoda · 9 months

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Hi! I hope you're doing well, sorry for not being around very much but I just wanted to pop by and say hello 😚 I saw you said you were doing character head cannons, so I was wondering if you could do some on Shinso or Aizawa? Anything's fine with me, and feel free to ignore if it's been already asked or if you just don't do MHA. Hope you have a great week! 💞

~ 🍥

Aizawa Headcanons

notes - OMG HI! Don't apologize at all! I'm super glad to see you're here now! I would love to do headcanons for Aizawa! (but in the future, I did wanna let you know that I don't write for anyone under the age of 18, so I wouldn't write for Shinso anyway) Thanks so much for the request! Have an awesome week and stay hydrated <3 ~~BUY ME A KO-FI (COMMISIONS ARE OPEN)~~

god i forgot how pretty he was grrrr

when he wakes up, his hair is a rat's nest

^ he just barely fixes it too, like bro just kinda brushes it and moves along his day

^ in that case, please fix his hair

^ and in the meantime, give him head scratches, he loves it

doesn't own a lot of fancy clothes, just more cozy clothes everywhere. like he maybe has 1 suit and the rest is sweats

fosters cats!

actually really loves his coffee sweet because he thinks it tastes better that way

^ and if he does have black coffee, he always has a treat with it

likes to just sit and read in cafes on his time off (he usually prefers to stay at home, but when he knows he needs to go out, cafes are the spot)

smells like laundry

likes relaxing games like stardew or animal crossing (ESPECIALLY ANIMAL CROSSING his island is lovely and he has all cat villagers)

probably keeps a journal for his mental health. i just feel like it helps a lot when he's stressed

he definitely has a big present mic poster in his office because mic gave it to him

usually on the weekend, you, Aizawa, and Mic are having a drink at whoever's place and just hanging out watching TV or something

he falls asleep when you pet his hair <3

~~~~~

mha masterlist (2) | pinned post

2023@tonberry-yoda– do not repost or claim ANY of my work as your own! likes, reblogs, and comments are not only welcome, but appreciated

~~~~~

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svftvluv · 2 years

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peter + thigh riding + mirror sex = best fucking sex possibly out there. peter just watching you get off on his thigh, watching your ass grind on the mirror grrrr oh my goodness. praise too, some 'good girl's and a tiny sprinkle of degrading holy fuck. 'look at you making a big mess on my pants, aren't you ashamed of yourself? look at the mirror and the art you've made on me.' hngghhh omggg 🤭🤭

Mirror Ride

Pairings: Peter Ballard x Fem!Reader

Synopsis: She’s stressed and if a quick thigh ride will help then she’ll take it.

Warnings: smut, dirty talk, praise kink, degradation kink(once), thigh riding, nipple sucking, spanking.

Author’s Note: Missed writing for my favorite toxic white boy.

reblogs are appreciated

“God, you’re so beautiful, princess.” His hands were placed on the sides of her hips as she moved them back and forth on his thigh. A shock of pleasure traveled throughout body every time her wet cunt gilded against the fabric on his body. “Fuck, feels so good, Peter.” He smirked to himself as he looked at her glossy face and then looked over at the mirror seeing her ass grind and make a mess on his white trousers. Her nurse uniform was raised up giving him a perfect view. God she was hot. If they weren’t on a time limit he would’ve wasted no time pushing her face against the mirror and relentlessly pounding into her. But they only had thirty minutes of lunch break before they both had to go back to work.

She held onto his shoulders, buried her face into his neck, and rode him faster. She needed this. She needed a way to destress herself and this was it. Being the only nurse in the lab meant she had a pile of duties to fulfill. Meaning she had no time to destress herself. So a quick thigh fuck was enough for her. “Atta girl, ride my thigh like that. You’re so good.” Along with the praises he spanked her ass. The mirror gave him a perfect view of the way her ass jiggled after every spank. She whined at the contact with his hand, but loved the feeling. She let out pleas, not knowing what she was begging for, but she couldn’t hold back. Peter took in the state of her. She was desperate, maybe she didn’t realize, but he knew. The way her body grinded against him aggressively and rapidly meant she had been dying to let all her pent up stress out.

“Peter kiss me, please, kiss me.” He fulfilled her wish and smashed his lips against hers, swallowing a moan of hers. He moved one of his hands to her neck pulling her away, “Unbutton your blouse, now.” She slowed her movements down and removed her blouse along with her bra since she got the memo. “Mmm good girl.” He removed his other hand from her hips and placed them on her breasts. His thumbs played with her nipple, squeezing them at times getting a whine out of her. “I want you to make a mess on my thigh, think you can do that for me.?” She frantically nodded her head. She began sliding her hips making her head lean back and eyes roll. She shut her eyes, losing herself in her pleasure. She felt the pit in her stomach forming fast.

Her breathing increased, same as the desperation in her. A warm pair of lips on her nipple caught her by surprise. She looked down to see Peter sucking on her nipple as he looked up at her. Her fingers tangled in his hair pushing him closer. He bounced his thigh helping her reach the orgasm that was creeping up on her. ‘Please don’t stop, Peter, please don’t.” Moans poured out of her lips as she humped Peter’s thigh faster and faster. Her body shivered and shaked as waves of pleasure washed over her. “Look at you making a big mess on my pants, aren't you ashamed of yourself? Look at the mirror and the art you’ve made on me. She turned her body to the side and saw his pants were drowned with her juices. “You’re such a dirty girl, princess.” She sank down onto his lap once she came down. “Feel better now, princess?” She leaned in and gave him a peck on his cheek. “Much better.”

2022 © all works belong to svftvluv. do not repost any of my works

#peter ballard #peter ballard x y/n #peter ballard smut #jamie campbell x reader #jamie campbell bower smut #jamie campbell bower #vecna stranger things #stranger things season four #001 stranger things #001 x reader #stranger things smut #smut #stranger things x y/n #henry creel #henry creel x reader

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twinkodium · 6 months

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okay i just have so many thoughts about this and i need to share…..

1. the thumb… the hand… looking extra good today…. looks a lot like he wants me to suck on it but that might just be me 😶

2. grrrr the neck is making me go insane, i want it i need it !!!! kind sir will you please let me bite?

3. i read what you said about wrapping his arms around you and i just 😩 like i have thought a lot about liam hugging me and his arms being so hard and muscular that it’s not like a soft hug, but there’s something like possessive about it? strong arms wrapping around my neck and pulling me into his chest as he rests his head on top of mine (not that he’s tall enough to do that- anYWAY) 🥺 and now i got the exact same thought about oscar bcs he’s BUFF buff!! strong big biceps wrapping around me and just 😭 so cozy

4. i cut it out bcs i wanted just the body LOL but the smile 🥺 sweetheart 🥺🥺🥺🥺 and the hair… the little lock and just- pls 😭😭

5. i know you’ve spoken about nipples so ofc i had to think about it when i saw this… i see at least one….. 🤭🤭🤭

i think i’m done for now 😁😁 hope you have a good day lola!! 💘

Pls do babe, I’m here for all of your thoughts 👀

1. Not just today 😭😭😭 must be the white shirt actually, yk how we both went crazy over the cricket pics 😳😳 but omg yes, I’d even suck on it if he didn’t ask 😌 just gimme a change to prove that 🫣

2. Vampire instinct comes out to play whenever I see his neck. Just want to sink my teeth in his pale perfect skin to leave marks 😩 the imprint of my teeth, sucking and nibbling on the sensitive skin 🤯🤯🤯 licking all the hickeys right after 😭😭

3. We’ve talked about hugs from Liam, how his muscular arms would feel like an armour around you, protecting you from everything awful going around in the world, while whispering into your ear and yes, resting his head on yours 🫠🫠🫠 (he’s not tall but he’s still taller than me so 🤷🏻‍♀️). FUCK I KNOW!!! Since Qatar I can’t stop thinking about how big he got!!! Like so much bigger chest and arms, even his neck seems thicker 😭😭😭 and I just can’t… deal! Pls he’s be the softest little kitten ever when it comes to cuddles just his strong body against your smaller frame 😩😩😩 HEAVEN

4. THAT SMILE IS ABLE TO CURE ALL OF MY PROBLEMS 😩😩😩 exactly what my therapist (I don’t have one) wrote on my prescription 🤯🤯 THE BEST THING IS… no overdose, impossible 😌😌😌 THE HAIR SO LONG, IM GOING TO FIGHT ANYONE WHO GOES NEAR HIM WITH A SCISSOR 🔪🔪

5. I DIDNT EVEN NOTICE, helloooo??? HOLY SHIT THANKS JACKIE 🥹🥹🥹🥹 not I’m certain this is my new fave pic 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

Hope you had a nice day 🥰 mine was decent, day off tomorrow so I can enjoy the content without being stressed about work 🫶🏼🫶🏼

#asks #Jackie 🧡#wow we’re writing novel every time when it comes to Oscar 🤭🤭🤭#nothing else to say here I’ve ranted enough already 🤭🤭🤭#daily discussion with Jackie about Oscar 🥰#Oscar

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narcatsisst · 2 months

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AUIGUAIhsuaihguaihjgjj3hh3hg3ughhhgjjjjj i hate interacting with people so much sometimes. if i just look past my intense all-consuming nausea-inducing anxiety about just being in the Presence of another person, you have to pay attention to my aggressive braindead terrible capacity for interaction and understanding social cues. Level one billion autism schizo spectrum silly brain makes me not understand so much of what other people are trying to say and their tone AND I JUST HAVE TO PRETEND LIKE I UNDERSTAND and its so dumb. like i wish i could just ask people "how do you want me to reply" BECAUSE I DONT KNOW and its so annoying when someone is trying to talk to me and im using every single equation known to man to try and figure out if they want me to get upset on their behalf, if they want me to joke with them, if they want me to comfort them, etc. but nooo im supposed to understand everything. its like people just expect me to be able to read their minds. but if i ask them what they mean they get upset or some shit. and then that makes my npd go crazy because my brain is like IM SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS STUFF!!! WHY AM I SO TERRIBLE even though im not terrible at all i just have a brain that someone took out and used as a stress toy or some shit. but this reaction was worsened because in my last relationship my boyfriend would always get upset when i asked for clarification and its like euagehnarerjehghjjerij WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME its such a double edged sword because its like if i ask them what they want from me they think im being rude but if i dont ask then i might perceive the interaction the wrong way and say the wrong thing and then suddenly im a freak or incompetent or something. its so ANNOYING and dumb grrrr

#goofball rambles

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babstheyaga · 3 months

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SPOILERS FOR FMOD

i am trying ANYTHING to try and sleep and I can NOT get this off my mind oml -

like, i'm nonstop thinking of the ending of FMOD, and oml... I've changed my mind on the ending like one too many times and if I don't get this off my chest RIGHT. THIS. VERY. SECOND. i will pull my hair out and explode.

so like - the first ending I scrapped was reader gets shot blah blah blah surprise she's not dead (in the next book) but that gave me heavy like - really cringy 365 Days movie ending, and when I thought of that I just was like yeahhhh no thanks. so that was thrown in the bin...

then i was like what if she unknowingly gets pregnant and then finds out and then BOOM ending, continue to next book... blah blah blah. nah, thrown in the bin.

I have an idea. it's a good one. trust me. no spoilers outright for that. but. like. ya know. like. ya know.

So I've been fighting tooth and nail to figure out how the series was gonna go, and I had set a whole plan that each character was going to get their own book, ya know? Like one dedicated to Bee, Mirage, OP, Cee, all of them.

Only problem with this idea was I would either have to start all of the books at once, which would be freaking 7 books at once, and I talked to my mom about it and she was like "no, not a good idea, way too much stress" but this was my idea for a good 3-4 months and then one conversation with my mother changed all of it because I didn't think it would be that bad, but looking at it, it would be a terrible idea because I wouldn't be able to finish a single book for like the next like 20 years... FMOD is coming up on it's 2 year anniversary and It's taken me that long to get to chapter 30.

FMOD is not done. In the slightest. I have... So much I need to get to.

But with some people telling me that I need to space out the books, instead of making one gigantic story with like 60 chapters with what it's looking like it's going to be, then I need to like- space things out, ya know? Instead of one giant book, I can make multiple different ones.

It would make sense, considering I still have 5 people that I need to get to their sex scenes for. UGH this is so stressful and I'm going to rip my hair out and scratch my skin off like a cocaine addict trying to figure this out.

The biggest thing that's on my mind is deciding if I should either 1. make multiple books and do it one by one, or 2. do multiple books just continuing how it's going right now. Instead of focusing on one pure love interest like the original idea I had, it could just be a continuation of regular FMOD with all of the love interests.

GRRRR THIS IS SO AGGRAVATING I'M LOSING MY MIND

if I did the stories one by one, then SO many people would be disappointed that their favorite wasn't picked first for the second book, and if I did everyone separately then I would go absolutely bonkers insane crazy rabid dog oo oo ah ah monkey madness.

I think I am EXTREMELY manic and probably spewing absolute NONSENSE right now but oml I can NOT SLEEP I haven't been able to sleep for like a week straight, I get like 4 hours each night and the second I wake up the first thing I think about is drinking 5 energy drinks and daydreaming about basically NOTHING oml I'm going to EXPLODE

i wrote 3k words in 50 minutes today and I'm on the urge of spontaneously combusting, I need to get this energy out and if I don't then I'm going to LOSE IT

i haven't eaten anything but a good 30 crackers as of the past 3 days, and yet I am ANYTHING but hungry AHHHH

okay that is all.

#shut up tyler #related to fmod #long post #might delete later #i need a Ativan or something because my anxiety is going bonkers #lord kill the pain #i'm literally shaking right now from how much energy I have #it is freaking TWO THIRTY AT NIGHT #i woke up at SEVEN this morning #my mood stabilizers aren't doing SHIT #might need to go to the hospital to get my meds reset #or SOMETHING #because I am actually fucking going bonkers

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dearlyjun · 4 months

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Omg I almost hit unfollow instead of talk I WAS LIKE NOOOO!!

Ooooo thats so nice!! Being a Multistan is great until you become broke! My first kpop group was Exo I remember Watching Monster and looking at Baekyun and being like who is this man and why is he so pretty!! Ngl I hid the fact that I was into kpop when I was in High school because it is so much more accepted now than back in like 2016! I remember one time in my AP Econ class I was sitting down and my school played a minute of a song before the bell rang and they played TT by twice and this guy behind me says "just like tt" AND I TURNED SO FAST!! I was like this isnt happening! we were both so shocked to find out the other was into kpop.

I am ENFJ from my last test result I took one last year!

I SAW A TT today and it was people making fun of californians because were all freezing our asses off rn! I really need to buy warmer clothing. I say this but I slept in shorts and a t shirt with the fan on last night....I KNOWW. I dont think I would enjoy driving in the snow that much. I feel like I would be stressed 24/7.

Japan is soooo nicee ive always wanted to visit!!

I saw your post about online schooling and let me tell you Ive always hated it. It feels so weird and you cant meet anyone and its lonely!!

Oh my god IM SORRY I TALK A LOT

ang please I love talking whether that’s to other people or just to myself so please I don’t mind!! 😭 (also hope if it’s okay if I call you a million variations of your name / nicknames because I do that lol)

ah I have actually known about seventeen since their debut in 2015 but I didn’t become a carat until 2022. weird shit. and I liked bts a teensy bit in 2019 when mots: persona came out but again….stopped listening. then the kpop stan came full force in april 2022. maybe it’s a good thing I wasn’t a kpop stan back in the day bc the pain of not seeing concerts sucks real bad. I actually don’t have any kpop stan besties irl, I’ve just converted my sister 🤠 she likes most of the same groups as me, just not the girl groups. (well she’s a casual newjeans listener)

I don’t even know what the weather is like in cali lol but I guess your cold is different from my cold. it’s like 35° here and I just went to the gym in a hoodie and a winter vest. we’re actually about to get some snow I think….grrrr😠 and yeh driving in it sucks. I’ve driven in snow storms so bad that you have to like sit up and drive in silence the whole way because you have to lock in.

since im going into the automotive industry, my mom has big hopes for me to work in Japan someday. even if its just temporary like a year or so. Im hoping after I graduate college i can travel there for fun and “plant the seeds.” BUT!! I have to learn some of the language first. im too sporadic with it and really need to buckle down.

yeah…..im a lonely girly lately. it’s really getting to me. I’m in my second to last semester of school and doing everything all online is just so very sad. I yearn for friendships.

#ash replies #angie ☆

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tinecan · 1 year

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college [ entry #2 ]

it's been a while since i posted. after entry #1 i went and ghosted u jshdjwfhdjjhasbh anw, college na ako !! well, second semester na of my first year as a college student and i could say na it has been a roller coaster ride for me.

i still feel lost. sabi nila, it's normal to feel lost especially when you're a freshman and you'll get used to it naman but honestly, i don't think im moving xd. jk okay, meron namang mga baby steps pero i don't think it's improving huhu. okay, since matagal din ako nang ghost here let me tell you about the roller coaster of my college life so far :').

first, you won't believe this pero i was really THAT# close to being so broken-hearted nung october - november and it sucks like A LOT. since ppl might see this, i won't disclose that much info kase i want it to only be private pero ayun muntik na :'( but im glad that was just a phase. i also met new people and they are very VERY solid - they have been the cause of my happiness sa college life ko and everything im so thankful to have them around. i also met alec's friends sa feu tech and im enjoying a lot sa kanila huhu these ppl are gems and they make me forget about college stress. unfortunately, may mga free trial lang na friendships and isa na dun yung dalawa naming friend from first sem (hi college frenz i kno kilala niyo to jajhadj) no to ppl who invalidates u! remember the entry #1 wherein i ranted about feeling left out? well, my college friends really knows how to handle someone feeling left out and im very grateful huhu.

what happened to my antipolo friends? wala. they are still the same. may nag-away tho pero nagka ayos din naman and im so very thankful kase they are my og - my home ganern. my antipolo friends are a breath of fresh air literally one call away friends. im missing antipolo sm :( i forgot to mention na lumipat na ako sa qc and i have been staying here ever since college started. tho nagpupunta pa din naman akong antips anytime im free, iba pa din yung dun ka umuuwi araw-araw :[ im really, really nangungulila na kase i miss home. i miss my room, annoying my siblings, chikas with mommy, and especially miyuki!!!! GRRRR. I WANNA FAST FORWARD TO VACATION !

lately, im proud of my grades coz i can really see na nag improve ako (im not lying) yung standard and pressure na napunta sakin nung shs is tumaas ngayon hnggg i really wanna make ppl around me proud *cue this is me trying by taylor swift* ayun.. college life so far is... unexplainable. altho i got to try new things din naman! i won't tell specifically tho pero manila really changed me a lot and aminado din naman ako nung hs ako na i was certain manila will change me so im not even so shocked rn. pero ayun.. i kinda miss the jhs me hsahshhas i miss everything about highschool. i miss afcs. i can't believe im studying in feu now i think my soul is still stuck in 2019 hwhahwhahshaha.

anyways, i gtg! may pasok pa ako bukas it's currently 12am na. im gonna see alec tomorrow like i always do kapag vacant if hindi sila mag comp shop for their tournament practice sa valorant (im claiming na they will win hihi) im gonna tell u all about my day soon ulit! promise i won't ghost for long na HJHGDHADA XD. bye!

02/27/2023

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sunnysideofmidnight · 2 years

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THESE FUCKING BLUBBERING THOUGHTS OF MINIE

It's Friday morning at 4:09 a.m. It has become a habit to stay up every night until 3 or 4 a.m. It's almost a stress if I don't go to bed or sleep till then or if I go before then. Who knows what that is about.

It's August and It is between being end of summer, beginning of Indian summer or a quick fall. It's Maine and it's so unpredictable it could be fucking snowing tomorrow. Baha.

My life is mostly full of work, tears, work, more tears. I have a son going to be 16 and a daughter leaving for college next week and a husband that is working on the road and having an affair with my x friend. Did I mention she was a cunt. Who could possibly ask for anything more in life.

Although, I do have several things to be grateful for I have several things to be sad and angry about as well. Do I just settle and deal with the husband situation. Yes, probably so. Although the thoughts of them and even just her period make me squirm. Make me pissy and angry. GRRRR. I may deal but I will not be quiet about it.

The children leaving and starting their adulthood.... not so much. I mean I can deal, and I want them to grow and come into their own person, but I can be sad that my little ones are growing up. I can be pissed and sad about my husband and my friend, who i fucking hate more than anything.

I cannot describe the anger and the feeling that wells up inside of me when I think about that two faced, lying cunt. Anyways...don't get me started because that will be the only thing I will think about. Not that I don't have enough of her on my mind or in my head. Fuck I just really want to rip her head right off her fucking shoulders.

Moving on.... I am going through another phase of my life. Learning to let go and then I guess I find out the next steps, the next plan the universe has in store for me. Yet, for now, I will deal with the circumstances with as much patience as I can muster and pray that she has some mercy, the universe that is, to get me through each day of bad to the good that I know will be at the end of this chapter of my life.

All in all, life hasn't been too bad. I've made it through all the heartbreaks thus far. This one more intense than most considering I have been with him 24 years of my 55 years. I will win. I will be the one who comes out on top both in the relationship and in life. I just know cause that's what the universe has done for me, and I manifest that shit if I can.

Till the next time I need to pour out these fucking thoughts.....may you all have a blessed weekend and your man not be fucking another.

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pointless2theend · 3 months

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Horoscope has really been calling me out lately. I've been thinking so much about how I hate this person I work with but that's not helpful to me at all. I should just try to let it go. I'm just letting them live rent free in my head and I hate that. On the other hand I've never really liked the whole forgive and forget saying because it seems stupid to forget how people treat you. Well, I don't have to forgive them. I just gotta stop being a hater basically lmao. Idk. I'm just preparing myself I guess but I'm letting this weigh me down too much. I mean I am in my "I don't need nobody but my mom and maybe my bff" phase right now so I'm kinda grumpy lol. Of course I'm super annoying because I swear I like to stress myself out of something grrrr. Okay. I'm tired I'm gonna mindlessly watch YouTube for a while or something lol

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unidentifiable-body · 7 months

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Hey, I am really really sorry if we’re being a bother with all of this. We don’t mean to accidentally clog your inbox or your blog, I just want to make sure Pavitr gets any updates in case it may be important. So she’s really really nervous about this, considering what transpired over the course of the past 24 hours, but is Adhira okay to send a little message? If Pavitr’s upset that’s completely understandable. But Adhira just really wants to apologise if she’s made him or anyone upset

Hiiiii!!!!! Jev here!!! Thank you for asking!!! :3

So- like- Everyone here is basically upset? Especially Pavitr? I'm really not trying to make it out to be like a "GRRR FUCK YOU HOW DARE YOU GRRRR" THING CAUSE ITS NOT!! I PROMISE!!!! WE AREN'T MAD AT YOU!!!! Everyone is mad at the SITUATION however. Again, Especially Pavitr. He's mentally drained, and mad, and tired. And the whole situation has been keeping us up at night in worry, causing lack of sleep and tiredness in the morning; aswell as making Pavitr physically sick at this point.

So in me, the host, wanting the best for our mental health since we don't exactly take that into account much, and with many MANY other stressful things that's happening in our life right now, I'm going to have to say no not right now. I'm really really really sorry, and just to clarify once more we aren't mad at you or Adhira and we are not blaming anything at all on you this is just us!!!! We love you both!!!! We are just very overwhelmed with the situation!!!! Thank you!!! Love you!!!!!!!♡♡♡

#unidentifiable ushers~☆

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ask-beast-o-tonicko · 2 years

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there there let it out

Despite the knowledge that it's kinda hard for him to talk right now: both the form he's in and his current emotional state, he tries to talk about it as much as he's able to.

"He... he came inside the office with hair... on one side of... his face... I was surprised to... see him back after... he was hurt again and... I couldn't stop DK..." He mentions DK with an angry growl in that pause with an almost feral, angry look and some sparks. "....I said to MKO welcome back... and he was mean to me about it with 'is that all you can say' in a rude way... Like... doesn't he understand I was worried... about him and... being nice to him...? I was trying to welcome him back and he... he mocked me about it...!" He tries to suppress the need to sob, and keeps going.

"He was... being the complete opposite of... how he usually is... he was stressing people out... insulting everyone... threatening to punch a few and... actually did it to Kaio... He... He even called Decomp 'corpse boy'...! 'CORPSE BOY'!!! He called him the exact thing he hated being called and I yelled at him not to call him that!!!" In response to raising his voice and speaking without pauses due to how his vocal chords are right now, he grabs at his chest and has a harsh coughing fit for a long minute before he remembers to drink water to make it stop, which it does.

Then he continues. "All those times he was being so unbearable... all those times he was taking his anger out... on us because that stupid head DK pulled his eye out... the one person who is usually polite, considerate... sensitive about people's conditions and problems... he just picked a bad day to... throw all of that out the window... every time he opened his mouth... I got so mad... I wanted to hit him... I wanted to punch him... hard enough to make him shut his mouth... punch him enough into doing his actual job I was thinking he'd get fired for... I wanted to tear him to shreds... but... I didn't... I didn't do that. I controlled myself... because he's the therapist with a license... even though he wasn't acting like it... But I did have enough of it... so I told him off... that I had enough... I asked him what was going on with him... and all he gave me was, 'I'm finally me'. Well, lemme tell you, that's not him...! At all.....!" He grabs at his head with a strained whine, more sparks gradually incoming.

"This isn't how I know him at all...! Then he said to me something that really... really. REALLY HURT MY FEELINGS. He said... `we're not.... f-friends`....!!!"

I.... I thought we were friends, I.... I.... GRRRR!!!"

Uh-oh, here comes a bunch of sparks now.

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frenziedslashers · 2 years

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Top five movies to marathon?

Top five songs in fic playlists if you have any?