Tumgik
#it literally doesn’t even feel like im in college yet
alxclaremont · 2 years
Text
someone please pray for my sanity i start classes tomorrow and i dont wanna
1 note · View note
qvrcll · 8 months
Text
the little things they do — luffy, zoro, nami, usopp & sanji.
Tumblr media
summary: what do they do that makes you tick? that makes your heart glide through your chest and fester at your throat? that makes you glissade through hell itself, for the pleasure that it brings?
warnings: slight tension but no nsfw, fluff, nothing too bad!
notes: i started binge watching op / opla recently and decided to give i a go at writing for them! literally could not stop my fingers from typing this out. i’m a little new to op, so i hope you enjoy nonetheless :-] i promise im working on another part of college melodrama! i just wanted to try something new to get the brain juices flowing <3
Tumblr media
sanji — moves you by your waist
sanji is keen with his women, but with you, he’s even more so. he’s gentle with it, even if he doesn’t need to be, because you make him aberrantly nervous, yet vilely confident in his etiquette — and today just cements it. it’s a boring day, and that prompts you to keep yourself stationed in the kitchen, where the rest of the straw hats find their own circles to situate themselves in (pure boredom, much to sanji’s dismay). the space is overcrowding and you’re halfway into disputing something that luffy insists is true fact, when sanji’s mellow palms come to gripe gently, carefully, at your waist — “excuse me, beautiful,” he mouths, fiendish and close to tasting his teeth in a marvellous grin as he effortlessly moves you, gingerly in so many ways, so he can reach the cabinet. you stutter out some convoluted version of a yes, o-of course! … safe to say, you can barely pay much consideration to luffy’s rebuttal as the tepedity of the cook’s hands lay in repetitive, illusive strokes against your hips for more times than one to just consider it an act to retrieve spices from a cabinet.
zoro — has one hand in your back pocket
he’s silent, mischievous with his antics. the upper part of your brain warns you of his skepticism, his cruelly hard body, his thick cheek. but your heart buds violently under what you can only assume is his effect. and it’s only furthered, when you are too close to him for comfort in this mini-party the crew has going on atop the going merry. you spot him nodding off in the corner of your eye, barely even knowing of his current footing in his chair as he slumps off. you urge him to go to bed, to ditch the drinks and gain a full night’s rest. but he shakes his head stiffly, his rather large hand slinking into the back pocket of your pants, where it lays dormant and so, so close to squeezing. “stay. this way, i won’t lose you.” you fail to yelp, because every nerve has been short-wired. twisted. re-twisted. re-wired. you can only stand close, fluxing against the warmth of his palm in your back pocket, as the faintest of reds colour his cheeks. a smile is welcome.
luffy — hugs your waist
being a captain is luffy’s share of the burden that comes with his quest of finding the one piece. he swears its easier than he allows it, but his body is different on days like these. days when he’s laying, tired and inaccessible to his usual bouts of energy. days like these, you can’t navigate around his lethargy, that comes slow and unmoving, similar to his resolve. his arms are around you, tight and interlocking further like a snake, his face buried against your stomach as he uses you as a stationary pillow. and you try to remind him that there are things you need to resume, things you need to conduct on the going merry, but when you turn to move, excuse yourself, he tightens, and his nose brushes against the sensitive skin beneath your button up in a nimble attempt to get you to stay still. “mmm… five—no, ten more minutes… i promise.”
nami — rests her head in the crook of your neck
it’s not an easy job sorting the day’s itinerary into tidy, little boxes and shelves, whilst the boat rocks to a cathartic beat around you. nami is here, to help you, but you are unable to shake off the tension wearing you down. your skin feels like paper and the bottom side of your shoes are sticky with sea water and your hands feel like rubber. you could rival luffy. it makes you feel awful, gets you hot and antsy so quickly, that nami blinks twice. of course, you apologise. you always have. but nami gets the directive before you do, and she reaches forward to hug you close to her chest. her nose tickles your neck and the space is living with her breath — the crook of your neck. “how about we stay like this for a bit, hm?” it’s more for your own means to find ground amongst your frustrations, to help you calm down, but nami has always loved being close to you. she always has.
usopp — holds you close to protect you
the great captain usopp. mighty warrior of the sea. well, not the great when the sea is colliding into rows of wood at maximum speed, which rocks the entire great vessel. you try to be less of a deterrence, try to find your own standing in the room you’re in with usopp, but your body is thrown across the room in one fell swoop, where you meet halfway into usopp’s chest. there’s a messy string of syllables that leave your lips, a creaky apology as you try to maintain some space between you (for the sake of your enervated heart), but he’s quicker. an ability derived from his sharp-shooter skills, you’re sure. his arm wraps around your waist and he allows you to crowd his chest. allows you to hold him like a pillar against the raging sea when it sends a rather alarming rock to the ship. “hold on tight — you’ve got nothing to worry about with captain usopp here. you hear?”
Tumblr media
© 2023 qvrcll ! do not repost any of my works on any platform.
2K notes · View notes
celestie0 · 2 months
Text
MASSIVE gojo x reader fanfic rec (no spoilers)
ok i know a lot of my followers are gojo girlies and i just need to put yall onto this fucking fanfiction because i just read the latest release for it and i’m genuinely tweaking rn🧍🏻‍♀️
@lostfracturess ‘s amazing work called “symptoms & causes” - a medical au
[image pulled from her masterlist]
Tumblr media Tumblr media
let me just…let me just try to even gather the reasons why you need to add this to your tbr lists (weekend is comin up too so perfect time)
characterization of gojo satoru.
gojo in this fic is characterized so fucking well, from chapter one. there are so many distinctive ways miss lostfractures goes about building his aura (word of mouth/reputation, dialogue, expository, primary interactions, secondary interactions, etc.) it reminds me of the show where gojo just has this energy to him that you can't tear yourself away from i picture him in this fic to be unrelenting, unforgiving, morally grey, with an undertone of softness yet still feral through it all,, basically gojo during shibuya arc LOL. i looove reading cute silly boy gojo fics sm (he’s so baby) but THIS fic explores the borderline wicked side of him that is so thrilling, unique, and rare to find i think in this fandom’s collection of works. it’s just so fucking good.
forbidden romance.
UGGHH i love stories w forbidden romance. in this one, it’s med student reader x professor gojo (additional power dynamics in that he’s a senior surgeon in her field and also a research mentor in her study of interest…TRIPLE THREAT DAMN). i love how miss lostfractures doesn’t shy away from reminding the reader that it’s wrong, and that they shouldn’t be doing this. that’s my fave part of forbidden romances like yesss remind me again why this is all so wrong but let’s still do it anyways LOL <333
reader’s voice.
i’ve LOVED reader since the beginning, so relatable, emotionally mature, all her flaws are so believable & her strengths are shown seamlessly. it’s just so much fun to read because i’ll literally have a thought like “hmm…that (something a character said/did) doesn’t sound very convincing” and then the next line will be something like “he didn’t sound very convincing” like!!! me and s&c reader?? we’re locked in like this fr🤞🏼 like gojo’s domain expansion fingers
escapism.
everything in this story feels so damn real it’s insane. the pacing is stunning, love the utilization of stacks of scenes that are sort of short but so concise, enough to be a smooth read but still descriptive enough to entirely transport you into the world that’s being built. cannot praise the writing in this story enough. also the variety of ways that scenarios are made that pull characters closer to one another?? so creative. as someone who works in a research lab, studied bio in college (some of the fkn biochem stuff that comes up in this fic gives me heart attacks lmfaooo pls im traumatized), and has worked in clinics/hospitals it just itches my brain so damn good. you’ll be convinced you’re a brilliant med student while you read this fic.
writing.
the writing is just. so. good. it’s so good. better than most PUBLISHED works i’ve read. i really can't say much other than that, you just have to go see for yourself.
if any of these reasons speak to you, i highly recommend you check the fic out. just a note tho it does have some dark themes but you can find all the tags/warnings on her page!
OK BYE
447 notes · View notes
areislol · 7 months
Text
STFU I KNOW NEUVILLETTE WOULD TREAT U SO WELL AND SMITTEN WITH YOU 😭😭😭 like you two shared a love for one another, like a love you could only dream of..
►— pairings. modern/college! au neuvillette x fem! reader
►— a/n. i’m just having so much brain rot about this man i’m so sorry i just have to get this out.. i have many things to write whew 😔
Tumblr media
like this man is SO SO SOOO PROUD OF YOU 👏 whatever you achieve, whenever you pass your exams, WHATEVER YOU DO THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY, he will be so proud of you ☹️ like he can’t help but shed a tear when he sees how happy you are — the way your eyes light up, the way your lips curve up into a wide smile — makes him want to just pick you up and spin you around (and sometimes he does)
he makes sure to encourage you to keep doing well and makes sure to reward you with whatever you want (he already knows what you want he just wants to ask you anyway and he already knows you’re going to say “anything, i don’t mind!”)
he picks you up at the EXACT time when you ask him too. like if you ask him to pick you up at 6:00 pm or whatever time, once you’re looking out the window you have to take a double look because you can literally see his car parked right next to your place.
“nevy i told you to come at 6?”
“it is 6:00 my love, check the time.”
AND GOD DAMN IS HE RIGHT. you check your phone and see that is 6:00 pm on the dot. and you’re not even done yet..
“but im not done yet? ☹️”
“that’s alright, take your time i can wait.”
he waits for however long and he does NOT complain. sometimes he asks if he could come in and watch you do your makeup or fix your clothes that he bought for you. and he watches you in awe as you do your thing like that’s my girl!!!
he holds the door for you. i know it’s small but even the smallest amount of kindess are rare.. so whenever he holds the door for you, you SWEAR you can feel something clutching your heart.
before you can even put a finger on the car handle he softly pushes your hand away and opens the car door for you, kissing your temple in the process.
“nevy why’d-“
“ah- shush, i don’t want my pretty girl lifting her finger.”
“oh! (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄ “
he buys you your favourite drink and food while on his way to pick you up or going to your college.
once you mention something to neuvillette about something you like (even if it’s small) he WILL remember it. one time you had said to neuvillette that you wanted to try the new drink from starbucks and before you know it the next day while waiting for neuvillette near the college, he handed you the new drink.
same with food, he buys you your favourite food from the cafeteria (he likes to see your happy face when he places the tray down). neuvillette makes you your comfort food, and he only buys it when he doesn’t have time to make it.
when you’re in a bad mood or just need to cry, he’s quick to comfort you before making you your comfort food. it doesn’t matter how long it takes, he knows you’ll be happy in the end.
this may be a bit.. weird? but he tucks you into bed before climbing in next to you as well.
IDC WHAT U SAY HE LIKES TUCKING YOU INTO BED AND KISSING YOUR FOREHEAD!!! like it makes him feel so happy and all giddy inside.
it makes him 100x more happier when he realises that one day he could do that to your children.. just the idea of it makes his heart flutter.
but yes. he can’t sleep properly until you give him a forehead kiss OR ANY KISS ANYWHERE back.
neuvillette always MUST have his hand somewhere on you, or just be touching you in some way.
at the start of your relationship and even before you two were together, he wasn’t so touchy or handsy with you.. but after some time he grew more confident and even more comfortable with you
whenever he’s walking along beside you, he has his arm around your waist of his hand on your waist, sometimes he pulls you close to him in a large and crowded place where your hips are touching. or even if it’s him leaning behind you, his chest against your back.
(RHSHAIAJAIENEJSHAJIS YOU’RE GONNA GO INSANE AND FERAL BECAUSE OF THIS MANNNN)
he would buy you snacks and sweets that he knows you enjoy, or even just buying snacks you’ve never tried before to see if it could maybe be your new favourite snack.
neuvillette just rests his cheek on his hand as he admires you enjoying your snacks. sometimes you stop eating and stare at him before offering him the snacks, neuvillette denies them and just goes on to watching you eat. you’re just so adorable.
HE MAKES YOU HOMEMADE GIFTS INSTEAD OF BUYING THEM!! like yes, he still buys you gifts but i feel like neuvillette would find homemade gifts more romantic and better than buying gifts.
nevy watches those youtube or tiktok videos on how to “make it yourself: pop up minecraft heart card” stuff like that you know? he tries his very best so please don’t be mad at him when it’s very sloppy looking 😭
he also gifts you handmade matching bracelets that he made, his is baby blue (and other shades of blue) and white and yours is f/c with another of your f/c. to be honest, you kind of.. sobbed when he gave them to you like? really? you made these cute little matching bracelets for us both..? and you included my favourite colours? EEUUUHUUUUUUUUU
“i wanted to make us matching bracelets because.. i’ve seen other couples doing it so i wanted to do it myself.. here you go.”
you look up at him,
“this.. this is for me?” you’re clutching onto them and admiring it.
neuvillette nods his head
“it’s.. i-it’s so cute..”
nevy can literally hear how your voice goes soft and he can see tears pricking in the corner of your eyes.
“(;﹏;)”
“y/n? are you-“
“EUUHUHUHUHUUU 。゜゜(´O`) ゜゜。”
you gave him a heart attack my guy thought you were crying because of how ugly it was but when he found out it was just because you’ve never seen anything cuter in your life and you promised to keep it forever HE almost cried.
!!!! gives you his jacket whenever he sees you’re cold and shivering!!!! and he is bigger than you (probably) so his jacket is definitely larger than you and he will never get enough of looking at you in his clothing.
and when you give him back his jacket? he shakes his head and tells you that it’s yours now.
“what but- it’s your jacket you can’t just-“
“shhhh… it’s okay, it looks better on you anyway.”
“oh- oh okay..”
he lectures you or just informs you about what you did wrong and tells you what you should’ve done before.
when you’re in the wrong, and aruging with someone he WILL back you up whether you’re wrong or not, but behind closed doors he sits you down and gives you a talk about what you said was wrong and you get the deal.
this is one of the MAAAANNNY reasons of why your parents and friends love him, he knows what’s wrong and right and can guide you to the right path.
he admires you as you’re asleep, the streaks of sunlight seeping through the blinds and lighting up the room. he swears that you’re an angel.
his finger caressing your cheek softly as he moves your hair strand from your face, and he kisses your face, your cheeks, nose, forehead, eyes and neck. everything about you is so… beautiful.
he can’t take his eyes off of you, and as you stirr awake he makes to kiss your temple and mumble his good morning.
guys, this is a pretty big one but, he helps out with chores!! he does the laundry for you, washing his and your clothes together. or even washing the dishes. and everytime you see him with an apron on… god bless the whole house.
he just wants to take care of you ☹️
he NEVER EVERRR lets you pay the bills!! if he ever did it would have to be split.
he won’t hesitate (will) to fight you over the bill. and the waiter just stands there holding the payment terminal just.. smiling.. waiting for either neuvillette or you to just pay.
neuvillette 100% day dreams about you two having a family. he can just imagine what your children would be looking like and sometimes he just wants to kick his feet and giggle like a child.
he would never tell you about this though, he’s too embarrassed. maybe one day but honestly, if he ever did tell you, you should tell him that you thought about your future children too.
HE BUYS YOU CLOTHING THAT HE KNOWS WOULD LOOK GOOD ON YOU. but you look good in everything so he just buys it because he wants to see you in it :)
doesn’t matter if it’s expensive or not, revealing yea but.. lingerie is only for him to see so.. doesn’t hurt.
“awww neuvillette, are these for me? they’re so cute!!”
“i know, that’s why i bought them, i’m a hundred percent sure you will look beautiful in them.”
“oh stop.. i don’t know.. do you really think that?”
“of course, love! check what else is in the bag.”
“okay! … nevy? are these.. lingerie…?”
“yes.. i’m sorry, are you uncomfortable with them? i can take them back don’t wor-“
“no no! it’s not that but i’m just asked why?”
“well i mean, no one is going to see.. just me. don’t be so embarrassed.”
“mmm.. okay..”
Tumblr media
note: there was more.. but i lost is MEANING I LOST AT LEAST 2-3 BULLET POINTS ☹️☹️ im sobbing ILL MAKE ANORHWR PART IF I CAN 🙏🏻🙏🏻
taglist: @tomansimp @one-offmind @miitchiji @dainsleif-when-playable @momoewn @stygianoir @irethepotato @v4an @imetsk @fiannee @sunnyf4lls if im missing anyone please tell me because i have an inkling feeling i missed a few..
liking + following + reblogs are very much appreciated!!!
another note: im so sorry this is short 😭
389 notes · View notes
sunflowersteves · 2 years
Text
eddie’s campaign || e.m.
summary || you had taken eddie’s offer on joining the hellfire club.
pairing || eddie munson x fem!reader
author’s note || this can be seen as a part two to family video, or as a stand alone! i hope you enjoy!
warnings || vol 2 spoilers (blink and u miss it), fluff, fem!reader, idk 80s d&d rules (only modern) so im v sorry if it’s wrong
masterlist
Tumblr media
You hadn’t set foot in Hawkins High since you graduated, since you’ve been off at college. You were adamant about never placing a single inch in this hell hole again, but here you were, walking through the halls for Eddie ‘the freak’ Munson. 
It all felt so…strange.
The walls were decorated with colorful paper, most likely something to do with sports. You knew there was another basketball game tonight with much of Hawkins talking about it. You could see all the old lockers, almost shuddering at the past memories that seemed so recent, yet so long ago. Yeah, this was definitely odd.
Your feet came to a halt as you stood in front of Ms. Hank’s classroom. The door was slightly ajar, and you could hear someone murmuring. You gave two gentle taps on the door, slowly pushing it open. 
“Eddie?” His head perked up at the sound of your sweet, smooth voice. He tried to ignore the pounding of his heart in his ears. 
“Good evening, m’lady.” He couldn’t help but cringe on the inside at his greeting. He doesn't even know why he cared. You had literally just reconnected earlier that week, and the wild, untamed urge he had to touch you—to feel you—was absolutely insane. 
He just doesn’t get it. He's 'the freak' of Hawkins High. He doesn't ever care. Ever.
He’s supposed to be hard as stone, not giving a single flying shit about what anyone thinks of him. I mean, shit, he’s fought in another dimension before.
But for some reason, as you stand with a small affectionate smile in front of him, he can’t help but care. 
“Glad you are able to join us, newcomer.” He placed a figurine on the table, making sure that it was in the exact place he wanted it to be. You placed your belongings on a table nearby and then walked over to stand right next to Eddie.
And wow, you smelled good—perfect—like cinnamon, earthy and light as his breathing seemed to deepen. It was intoxicating. How was he supposed to be Dungeon Master when your presence sent him into a downright spiral?
With his nerves, Eddie couldn’t help but talk. And man, did he talk fast. 
You were trying your best to keep up with every single word he was saying. Your eyebrows were creased, your eyes were darting around from his hands to his eyes, and your index finger was on your pillowy lips—God—that only made him worse. So much worse. 
“Hey, Eddie?” His mouth snapped shut, head swiveling over towards you at lightning speed.
“Yeah?”
You took a step closer to him. Your arm was almost touching him, and he swore his heart was in his throat. Shit—he needed to get himself together, but his body burned just by standing next to you.
You opened your mouth, and he leaned in. His body was too curious about what you were about to say. Personal space? Yeah, fuck that. 
But before you could utter a word, the classroom door bursts open with a crowd of boys. Some of them you recognized from knowing their siblings, and some of them, you had even babysat before. 
“All I’m saying is—listen, okay—all I’m saying is that Return of the Jedi is ten times better than A New Hope.”
Lucas scrunched his nose. “Um, I beg to differ. A New Hope is what started everything all together. You wouldn’t have Return if you didn’t have Hope.”
Mike just rolled his eyes and murmured under his breath. “Yeah, whatever.” Before they could bicker anymore, they realized there was a new presence in the room. 
“Who’s this?” 
“A half-elf, lawful good cleric.” 
Dustin rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I gathered that this random person is here to play. I’m asking who it is.”
Eddie clicked his tongue. “All you need to know, Henderson, is that you have to step up your game for this campaign.”
Dustin looked like he was thinking, and then it clicked. “Hey, wait, you’re my babysitter!” His smile, which wasn’t so gummy as you remembered it to be, was beaming. 
~~
All of you had been playing for a while, going through the ropes and getting a hang of things. Much to Lucas’ dismay, Eddie kept giving you tips and tricks that could save your ass or give you a chance of being at a higher level. 
“He didn’t do that for us…”
Eddie sent a glare. “Shut it, Sinclair.”
But now, it was time for the true part of the campaign—the battles. 
Eddie looked absolutely giddy as watched everyone take their rolls, watching each and every one of their actions. Lucas and Dustin had already rolled theirs and completely failed—already taking a lot of damage. 
Mike rolled his dice. His hands were pressed together as if he was praying to the Gods. “Please, please please—”
The dice came to a halt, and everyone moved their head to see a number. Well, fuck.
Eddie tsked. “Well, well, Wheeler, a four. An absolute miss.” Eddie takes his own dice and rolls. “Looks like the Aboleth excretes a black-like fluid onto your face causing you to suffocate.” Eddie splats his hands out in front of him to make a gesture. “You turn to your friends to help, but it’s too late, Wheeler, the ink enters your lungs causing you to crash onto the ground.”
Eddie’s maniacal laugh booms across the room. Mike, Lucas, and Dustin all sigh in defeat—the aching emotion covering their entire faces. Now, it was all up to you. You were the last remaining character left. 
They all turn to you in hope, “C’mon! You can do this!”
You nervously picked up your dice and threw it onto the table. Everyone’s eyes are wide as it bounces across the table. All of their heads immediately peaked over—rushing to find out what number you had rolled. 
All the boys gaped at you, utterly and completely shocked. 
Was this real life? Was Eddie dreaming? It sure felt like he was dreaming. The person of his dreams, standing right before him, rolled a nat-twenty, more specifically on your first roll.  A damn natural twenty?
No one in the room could believe their eyes. You, a person who had only just dabbled in the arts of dungeon and dragons, were a fucking natural at the overly complex tabletop game. He could kiss you. He could really practically kiss you. 
“Holy shit.” Dustin paused, locking eyes with you. “Holy shit!”
“Holy shit is right, Henderson.”
“Am I that impressive to you, dungeon master?” He choked on basically nothing; he felt his brain short circuit as the words left your mouth. He wanted you to call him that for the absolute rest of his life. 
By this point, he had no idea what he was doing. Holy fuck, what was he doing? His hands had reached across the table as if they had their own brain, and they grabbed your cheeks. He pulled you forward, so your face was just inches away from his.
“You are so fucking amazing. Where have you been all my life?”
You. How can you be so real? You’re smart, funny, so—so—pretty, and you were good at D&D? Somebody has to fucking pinch him because he is definitely dreaming. 
You erupted in giggles, causing Eddie to laugh as well. Your hands went up to grab his wrists, which he thought was to pull them down. But, no. You kept his hands on your cheeks, even giving his arms a tight squeeze. 
“I’ve been here, Eddie. You just had to look harder.” 
His heart was in his ears, “well, fuck, I think not being around you is my only high school regret.” 
“Yeah, Eddie, if you don’t date her, I swear to—”
Eddie groaned, “shut up, Dustin.”
~~
The ending of the campaign was great. You had saved everybody's asses, and all of them adorned big smiles on their faces. 
Especially Eddie.
The boys had already left, and now, it was just you and Eddie again. He insisted that he didn’t need any help with cleaning up, but you shook your head and helped him anyway. 
“Eddie?”
He didn’t look up from what he was doing; he was way too nervous to look you in the eyes. Jeez, what was wrong with him?
“Yeah?”
You paused, “you know, I’ve always thought that you were cute in high school.” 
Oh. Oh, shit. “Really?” 
You nodded, nerves bubbling into your stomach. “Yeah, I always admired that you didn’t care. You just seemed so free and fun. When you would yell across the cafeteria, I swear to you—it’s true—that it always made my day. I don’t know. There was just something about you—”
You were cut off by a pair of lips melting on top of yours. You let out a surprised gasp but quickly gained to your senses as your hands wrapped into his hair. 
Oh, my, you are addicting—so fucking addicting. He could taste your cherry lip balm, smell your sweet perfume, and feel your skin brush up against his. 
You broke the kiss for some air, the two of you heavily breathing in the small classroom. Then, the two of you just burst out in laughter, not being able to help yourselves. 
Yeah, Eddie ‘the freak’ Munson was royally fucked. You’ve absolutely ruined him. 
~~
ppl who wanted a part two: @lizzieaurum @alwaysspoopy @ourheartsofsteel @madmaxis123 @chiggennuggie
3K notes · View notes
yueisyum · 1 year
Text
“You don’t get it do you” Valentine’s Day special
Tumblr media
College au❤️Jeno x Reader
|| 🧸Basically, you’re trying to help jeno find a fake girlfriend to invite to his parents dinner next week. He’s been telling them that he has a girlfriend and they decide that they want to meet her on Valentine’s Day. Sounds cute right? But he does have a girlfriend, so you make it your mission to save his dignity. But for some reason he’s being really picky with his decision. Your not sure why?
“She literally perfect for you”
“But She’s not you”
Authors note🎈: HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!! I’m not completely proud of this as a whole, BUT if I add the fact that I only had like a day and a half to do it, it’s not that bad. There so no smut in this, BUT!!! As you know. You can’t just ask 😏. I’m hoping to maybe do something like this for some other members so if you are hoping for a specific member let me know!
Tumblr media
[9:32] February 12th
“She’s also a no” jeno says from next to you on his couch. You slouch even more into his chest. “Jeno- this is the 5th girl I showed you. You didn’t even read the profile yet!” You complain.
You and Jeno are currently sitting in his living room looking through [app] profiles of women that had reached out to you. You got together after your run, and he had just got home from practice. You took a shower and told him about your plan to help him find a date for Tuesday. You had gotten closer to him so you can both see your phone screen clearly, and he ended up pulling you into him. Your back pressed against his chest. This would usually look weird to anyone else, considering you two are just friends, it’s natural between you two. It’s normal. Not weird. Not intimate.
“My parents know I wouldn’t date someone with that hair colour” he explains, shrugging it off. His arm that’s around you moves to swipe to the next profile. You slap his hand away and go back. “No no no, she could wear a wig or dye her hair or something” you continue to the profile and looked at the description. It was quiet short. It read:
[hi! I’m Eunchan! Im 22 years old, my birthday is august 4th, 2000. And I love to work out (do yoga) and I work as a creative writer]
You read the profile out loud, and you can feel Jeno shaking his head. “Jeno-“ you begin.
“Yoga? Absolutely not, yoga isn’t working out, it’s expensive stretching” you giggle and roll your eyes. “Jeno, just get her to tell your parents that she lifts weights or something.” You bring your knees up to your chest to make room for his cat as she lays at his feet. he takes a moment to think. “No, I have to get her to wear a wig AND lie to my parents? They would be able to tell she doesn’t lift weights by her build.” You sit up to look at him.
“You are being ridiculo-“
“-realistic” he interrupts and you scoff. You get up from the couch and walk toward the kitchen. “Where are you going!?” He gets up to follow you like a lost puppy. “If we are going to do this all night I’m going to need a drink.” You answer grabbing a glass- two glasses from the cabinet and he looks for some wine. You could faintly hear the kdrama he played from kitchen while he pour the drinks. You lean into the counter and continue looking.
“Oh here! Listen!”
“[hello, my name is minchi-“
“Hello? Who says hello?”
“Jeno shut up and listen..
[hello, my name is minchi, I’m 21 years old. My favorite colour is blue, my favorite smell is mint and I love Naruto]” you look up at him in anticipation. He loves all those things-
“That sounds like a child’s profile, she can’t even describe herself or hobbies proper-“
“Ughhh” you slouch into the counter. Grabbing the glass of wine her poured and took a long sip. He watch you with a smile. “Jeno, the point of finding you a ‘fake girlfriend’ is that it’s not real! It’s one night and she can be anything you want her to be” you explain, making your way back to the couch. Stopping to let another cat walk past you. This is their palace after all. Then take a seat at the sofa. “No they can’t” he mumbles. “Huh?” You look over at him, he’s making his way to you again. “Nothing, but my parent will be able to sniff out a liar, and I don’t want to take my chances with someone who can’t even tell people what she does for a living.” He sits next to you and places his wine on a coster.
You nod in understanding, this must be really important to him, especially since he’s being so picky. “I have an idea!” You turn to him and he gives you his full attention. “How about we pick a couple of girls, and then you can try going on a date with them. Just to see how they can act in person” he looks at you. It almost looks as if he’s examining your features but you shrug it of. “Please? Come on, this is the best way to find out how they can talk with your parents!” You fold your hands together and give him your best puppy eyes. You can’t help but love playing match maker, even if somewhere deep down you feel an unsettling gush of sadness. You push it aside.
He continues to look at you for another moment. And you swear you saw his eyes flicker to your lips once or twice. “Fine. I’ll do it- if your there with me” he leans back at takes his phone out. “What? Why? It would really be considered a date if I’m there” he looks up from his phone to glance at you. “It’s not supposed to be a date, it’s supposed to be an interview” you deadpan at him. “You really are ridiculous” you then pull your phone back up to look through more profiles with him.
•••
It’s currently [1:47] in the morning and you and jeno had ended up in the same position you started in. Except this time you cuddle closer into him and he pulls you as close as possible; complaining that “it’s cold”.
“Ok here, we can add this one too. It says [hi, I’m Hyebin! I work as an interior designer, I love bike rides and jogging. My favorite season is autumn, I also love watching anime and cars, I have a terrible sense of direction and I’m allergic to ca….ts]” your voice was sleepily and almost at a hum. It was music to jeno’s ears. Your head pressed to his chest and your hair smells like rain wood, probably your shampoo.
“What! No, how can you be allergic to cats?”
You laugh at his reaction. “Jen… your allergic to cat, besides, Shes never going to meet your cats, it’ll be fine- you two have everything else in common. I’m adding her” you add the profile and shoot her a text about meeting up tomorrow afternoon for an ‘date’. He didn’t like that you kept calling it that, but he wouldn’t say anything. It began to get quiet. The faint sound of rain hitting the glass. The dimly lit room and the air conditioning was blasting for some reason. The mood felt so cozy and his heart began to race- along with yours.
When you send the text you put your phone down and wiggle to get comfortable under the Blanket he has you two wrapped up in. “You tired?” He asks warping an arm around your frame. “Mm no” you’re already dosing off and he chuckles lightly. “All these girls seem perfect Jen.” You add.
He loved when you’d call him that. It felt so intimate to him. But it wasn’t, it was normal between best friends. Normal. Not weird.
“I don’t like her” he argues, closing his eyes. You can feel him trying to match his breathing with yours. You continue to lull yourself to sleep as jeno begins to rub your back. “She’s literally perfect for you” you whisper. You’re basically asleep now. You mouth open and your body limp, all you weight was on him and he loved it. He loved the feeling you you against him. He loved that fact that you feel safe enough to fall asleep in his arms.
He loved…
You.
“But she’s not you” he replied. He knew you couldn’t hear him, to far gone in sleep to register his words. But he felt a load of weight and worry leave his body when he voiced those words.
They aren’t you.
•••
[6:36pm] February 13th
The next day you met up with Jeno at modern cafe. When you walked through the door your eyes immediately find him. He’s dressed in a buttoned up shirt and slacks. It wasn’t unusual for him to dress like this, but you noticed his hair was given more attention then what your used to. You slide into the booth across from him.
Jeno looked up from his phone to see you smiling at him. Your cheek bones lift and your eyes squint. He can’t help but do the same. “You look nice” he compliments and you smile wider. “Me? Your the one you did your hair all.. fancy” you laugh when he reaches to touch the strains that fall in front if his face.
“Okay! So I’ll be at the table over there..” you begin. “So you know where I am if you need anything. Eunchan is the first to come, she should be here in like five minutes” you show him the texts between you and the other girl he couldn’t care less about. “No, no stay at the booth with me. This isn’t a date remember? It’s just an-“
“-Interview I know, but it’s between you and her. This has nothing to do with me”
It has EVERYTHING to do with you actually.
“I’ll leave…” he threatens, his arms crossing over his chest, and you can see his sleeve stretching to accommodate his arms. “You are such a child! Why can’t you have a 30 minute conversation alone with a women?”
You cross your arms to mimic him, but it only pushes your chest up. And he smirks at you. “If that women is you or my mom, yes. But other then that.. absolutely not” he shakes his head. You narrow your eyes at him, foot taping at the floor as you think. “Fine.” Your tone was sharp. And he can tell your getting frustrated.
How have you not put it together yet!?
[6:58pm]
You quickly slide out of the both and next to him. He watches you move and smiles and you slouch next to him. He absentmindedly leans into you. “You smell good”
It was a simple comment, but it had your heart skipping multiple beats. You clear your throat and sit up. “Thank you… your cologne smells good too…” you don’t look at him, but his eyes are on you. “Just my cologne? Not me?” He chuckles, but when he realizes your eyes are not on his, he followed your line of sight. you nudge him in the arm and squeal. “She’s here! Okay okay, relax!” You take two deep breaths as a beautiful women makes her way towards the table you and Jeno both sit up.
“Hi! You must be Y/n?” She sits down. Her hair was long and light, almost a orange colour, but it looked natural. She was gorgeous, her makeup simple and done to perfection. She sat with confidence and her earrings dangled when she moves her head, you admire her as she greets jeno, missing the words they exchange. She’s so beautiful, prettier then you; you thought. “Hi! Yes I’m y/n and this is Jeno” you gesture toward Gina ms he smiles to her. You can tell she finds him very attractive, and how could you blame her?
“So, I hear your looking for a “girlfriend” for a dinner with your parents?” She asks looking to Jeno. He looks at you then back to her. “Yes, I’m trying to find someone before tomorrow night”
“Valentines day?”
“Yes”
You watch them talk for a couple minutes. The feeling you had been stuffing down seemed to be overflowing.
She is literally perfect. They would look so perfect together. They might even end up getting together for real after the dinner. His parents would probably love her. And Jeno would probably come to you for advice with her all the time. And even if it killed you, you would give it to him because you love him. And if they ever got married- you would be there to cheer him on even if the sight of him placing a ring on another woman would literally kill you. Your best friend Jeno would always talk about how he found the ‘love of his life’ through fake dating. It would be a cute story to tell at parties or celebrations.
The thought of him spending his life with another women made the best of your neck hot. And your head hurt thinking about how he would be an Amazing dad…
Why do you even care!?
Why would him being with another person hurt YOU!? Your his best friend nothing more- But why do you wish it was you sitting across from him? Why do you wish it was you he wanted to bring to meet his parents? Or wishing you could be the one he would put a ring on?
Oh…
Oh
You’ve truly been avoiding it, because you didn’t want to face how he makes you feel… but here you are. Lost in thought- bathing in in your feelings. They’ve always been there, but now they are downing you.
You want him.
Like really want him.
Realizing that your not just attracted to him, but you can truly see a future with him.
Him.
Jeno.
Your best friend jeno…
You find yourself fidgeting with your rings while they talk, your brain feels foggy and you can’t bring yourself to look up. You tried to pay attention but your mind would just build with thought of them being together and you felt as if you would throw up.
But you have done it. You have realized that you love Jeno… now what? What do you do now? Say something? Confront him? Be honest?
“….Well this was fun anyway. I’m glad I had the chance to talk to you. And I wish you good luck with your parents” you lift your head to see the different, darker haired women make her way out of the cafe. You then turn to jeno, who’s looking at you. “What the hell happened I spaced out for two minutes!?”
Actually it’s been almost an hour; he thought,
Fifthy three minutes of you spacing out. Something was definitely wrong. he began to worry when he nudged your foot mid conversation, but you didn’t even flinch. Decided he should end it quickly with Hyebin, giving the second women a random excuse as to why she wouldn’t fit.
“She said she was a terrible lair, can’t have her revealing info, ya’know?” he shrugged and slouched down in his seat. “We should order food” he adds before you can scold him. Hoping food will fix whatever headspace your in right now.
You would never say this out loud, but your glad she’s gone. Her presence made you want to jump out if the nearest window and run home- never to be seen again. “Jeno…” he places down the menu to look at you. “Hm?” You finally turn to him. “Why are you being so difficult? Why won’t you pick a girl? It’s so simple, but you seem to care a lot about it” you ask genuinely. He thinks for a moment and you wait patiently.
“I don’t want just anyone meeting my parents. They mean a lot to me, and I don’t need a random women meeting them” he explains, while continuing to look through the menu. “Oh” you nod. Not wanting to ask him too many questions.
You can’t seem to focus on anything. Not when the only thing going through your mind is Jeno.
‘Jeno’
“Yes?” You turn to him when he responds to what you thought… were your thoughts.
What?
“What?”
“You said my name?” He leans in questionably, trying to find your eyes, but you refuse to look at him. “I did?” You turn away from him, grabbing a menu form the table to act like your looking for food.
“You did… are you feeling okay?” He continues to move his head in Front of yours; so you’ll look at him. When you finally do, your heart stops. He is so handsome so beautiful- no, breathtaking. His eyebrows pinch together, you can tell he’s worried. You don’t want him to be worried about you, not right now. “Yes I’m… No actually I’m not feeling well and I should probably get going. You seem to be doing well without me anyway” You place the menu down on the glossy wooden table in front of you and begin to get up.
You stop when Jeno’s hand wraps around you forearm. “Wait, do you want me to come with you? Is it your stomach? I can make you some ramen” He looks desperate and worried. So you put on your best ‘I’m fine’ face and tug your hand away. Your skin felt tingly where he had touched you, and the thought of him making physical contact with you again gave you butterflies. And you can’t think straight. “Nope, I’ll be fine. Your next runner up should be here in like 15 minutes? She’ll text you” his jaw tightened and his brows knitted.
“I don’t want to do this without you” he grabs at your wrist this time. The tension slowly raising with each respons.
What the heck is going on with you?
“Why? What changes whether I’m here or not?” You try to laugh but you can’t. So you just fake a smile. “Y/n please, don’t go. Your hiding something, I’m not stupid” his voice seemed more stern this time. “I’m fine. Text me after- and let me know how it goes” you smile once more before running of.
“Y/n-“
Jeno won’t chase you. He knows he can’t get you to stay and he wouldn’t want to force you, but it doesn’t stop him from trying to call out for you anyway.
[7:46pm]
•••
When you opened the door to your dorm your faced with your roommate Harim and her boyfriend jaemin. They were watching tv on the couch and you smiled to them before turning to your room.
“You okay y/n?”
Harim, is a nice roommate, really! But sometimes she can be a bit nosey. Not it a bad way, she just wants to know how I’m doing. She’s very empathic or whatever. So when she asked that question; you were scared to answer.
“I’m all good, just a little overwhelmed… need to be alone with my thoughts” you wave too her and jaemin. He gives you a look before smiling back. “Okay! If you need anything we are here”
You close the door to the bathroom and turn on the faucet. Then you lean against the counter to examine yourself in the mirror.
This is ridiculous…. Why is this such a big deal to you? The feelings have always been there… but now your freaking out like a child because you decided to address them!? You feel so stupid.
Telling him could possibly ruin Everything. That’s what everyone always says in movies… but now you truly understand the feeling.
‘Fuck this is so stupid.’ You thought.
When you finally leave your room, after what felt like hours of you contemplating on whether or not you should tell jeno the truth; you walk into an empty living room. Your roommate and Jaemin must have left. So you find yourself on the couch to relax and watch tv. Searching through shows that don’t involve the main character falling in love with her best friend. You end up watching some cheesy old chick flick that you’ve never seen before. You feel your phone buzz, the vibration affecting the rest of the couch. It was jeno, you pick up the phone and open the text.
You didn’t even realize how late it was again. [12:13] have you really been doing absolutely nothing for almost 6 hours!?
Man child
_____________________________________________
|| Man child -
Hey, interviews are over
|| Man child -
lm omw. I got takeout
- You ||
Alright!
_____________________________________________
You sit up and look around the living room. You’ve never cared wether or not it was clean before he came over before… so why now?
You spring to your feet and begin picking up plates and some cups to put them in the sink. Busying yourself with cleaning the dorm when you hear a pin being entered into your front door and the sound of the handle clicking. “Y/n?”
“In the kitchen!” You yell out to him while place the last cup on the drying rack. You can smell the food before you even see the bag. When jeno spears from behind the corner you shoot him a smile. He grins at you then places the food on the table. He’s wearing sweatpants and a hoodie now. But he looked just as good as he did at the cafe. “Are you feeling better?” He asks turning to you while leaning on the granite counter.
He’s hoping it’s not awkward after that weird conversation at the cafe. He had wondered what had gotten into you. To busy with that thought to care much about the girl across from him.
“Mhm much better” you examine every inch of him. His face, his hair, his hands. And he watches you space out. “So what got you feeling unwell?” He asks, pushing himself off the counter and slowly nearing towards you. “First, how did the interviews go?” You place the towel you were using to dry your hand in the counter
“No, Why did you leave me?” He insists and you give in. With a big sigh you ready yourself to tell him the truth… tell him what he wants to hear*
“Sorry, I was just feeling a little overstimulated, I’m not sure why” yes the hell you did. “But I just needed some time alone” you continue and he listens with a soft smile.
“Don’t apologize pretty... Did you figure out why you were feeling overwhelmed?” He asks, his hand coming to move hair from your face. The action wasn’t supposed to make you feel the way you did. This is normal between you two… not weird… you aren’t supposed to be this affected.
You are so beautiful; he thought. Your in comfortable clothes now, but he thinks you look ten times better then at the cafe. If he didn’t have half a mind, he would kiss you right now.
“Yeah” you unintentionally lean into his palm when he tucks the hair behind you ear. Your eyes close in the process and he freezes. You looked like a cat, feeding into his touch. He caressed your face while smiling down at you.
“Yeah? … What was it?” He ask, taking his chances and taking a step closer. Your thighs touching his, before he wraps his arms around you, bringing you into a warm hug; which you reciprocate.
“You…”
You didn’t mean to say it, but you didn’t really seem to care what left your mouth when he was holding you. You felt safe.
“Me!?” He tries to pull away but you refuse.
“Please don’t let go” you grip tighter around him. Digging your face into his chest. “I was overwhelming you!?” He asks. His hands stay open, no longer loading into you. Jeno just watches you closely, but you won’t move.
“No, I mean.. it wasn’t anything you did”
“What does that mean? Are you upset with me? Is that why you left?”
“No. Jeno please just hold me for a moment” you finally look up at him. Your eyes pleading him to hug you. How could he refuse. His big arms wrap around you, squeezing you into him further. You can hear his heart beating, faster then normal. He continues to look down at you. He watches you stare at him.
“Jeno?”
“Y/n”
“Can I be the one you bring to meet your parents?” He can’t help but beam at the question. He felt giddy and light. He doesn’t care about anything right now, the only thought in is head is you.
“Finally…” he muttered. You feel like his head is moving closer to yours, but maybe that’s just your mind laying tricks on you.
“Finally? What does that mean? Is that a yes or a no?” You punch your eyebrows together and try your best to keep eye contact with him. “You don’t get it do you?”
“Get what?” You are about to pull away to ask another question, but Jenos hands move from your back to your hips and you can feel your body heat up. “Y/n you are quite oblivious” his head is definitely moving closer to yours. His eyes are stationed on your lips and yours on his. “Jeno?” he getting unbelievably closer, you begin to hold your breath, grabbing his forearms for leverage. “Y/n”
“Are you going to kiss me?” You watch his face closely.
“As soon as you say the words princess”
You let out a sigh and lift your hands to hold his face. “‘The words’” you whisper and he didn’t even get the time to laugh, your lips attached to his immediately. One of his hands come to cup you face. His lips are soft and it feels like a movie. I know it’s sounds cheesy, but the moon was so bright through your windows and the sound of wind could be heard from inside the apartment.
[12:59]
He tries pull away but you won’t allow him. Your lips chase his and he smiles into you. “Y/n”
“Yes?” You look up at him when he pulls away completely. “Your going to be my valentine.” You laugh at his seriousness. “Is that a question?”
“No”
He leans in again to peck a your lips
“Please. Let. Me. Take. You. To. The. Bedroom.” He asks between each kiss. “I haven’t even said it yet jeno”
He pulls away. “Said what?”
“That I like you, and I think that there’s definitely something between us” you joke, bitting your lip, and being as dramatic as possible.
“Congrats… You were the last to realize” he laughs when your face drops.
“Wait- are you serious?” He lets another laugh leave him.
“Happy Valentine’s Day y/n”
[1:01am] February 14th
504 notes · View notes
highvern · 6 months
Note
drunk goggles couple are my otp fr fr!!!!!!!! but because i love the pain i would very much like to know what was their first fight over? 👹
first silly non-couple fight:
in high school Mingyu crop dusted her so she tackled him to the ground, twisted his arm behind his back, and sat on him till he cried and apologized lol that is the story of how they become friends and why he has always been a little scared of her
first serious fight as friends:
was probably in college like freshman/sophomore year when Mingyu accidentally dogged some girl she was somewhat friends with and she’s is like wtf is wrong with you? Like they were only really acquainted/friends in group settings so they weren’t super close yet and she is like of course he comes to college, joins a frat, gets hot and turns into an asshole. He thinks she’s being nosy and needs to mind her own business lmao. They bicker constantly about it but it resolves itself after a month or two helped by the fact that the girl was like “he picks his nose in public anyways sooooo”
first silly couple fight:
he accidentally leaves the seat up and when she falls in he laughs at her, she texts his mom to let her know that her son is horrible and he gets an earful about why he should be nicer to her (bc his mom adores her)
first real couple fight:
definitely pre-Lucky Me, a combination of his sometimes oblivious/too trusting nature and her passive aggressive tendencies me thinks. plus they're both sensitive babies. the first real fight of a relationship is always so hard and can really make or break things, as much as I've written him to be the perfect man he'd definitely be frustrated even if he gets where she's coming from.
if y'all watched sex lives of college girls, two characters (Canaan and Whitney) fight because a girl hits on him. she obvi doesn't like it but he's like "im successful, nice, and attractive. people are gonna hit on me but i don't want them i want you." and its essentially a trial of trust. he basically tells her that if she can't trust him then he doesn't know what to do. so literally Jealousy pt 2 except she actually does have the right to be upset but takes place at like a work party and its Mingyu's coworker who knows he has a gf
I think Mingyu would definitely be super offended if she implied he was dumb/naive for being nice to the girl that was hitting on him, even if he side stepped all her advances and all he talked about was "my girlfriend likes that show too" or "my girlfriend is the one who got me this shirt, i'll tell her you complimented it" because he's not gonna be an asshole to people its just not who he is but he makes it painfully clear he is happily locked down and tries to leave the conversation the second an opportunity presents itself. She would still be upset because insecurities and she can't understand why he doesn't see it her way even though she knows this is something she is gonna have to accept. It’s a fight where they’re both upset about two different things ie her upset about girls flirting with him and kinda takes it out on him and he’s upset that it feels like she doesn’t trust him
they don't talk for a few days both very heated and opinionated but unbeknownst to each other, they each reach out to Seungcheol and his then fiancé for advice on how they handle fights since they're both in it for the long run. eventually someone apologizes, they work through it, and come out the other side stronger than before thank god
90 notes · View notes
wttcsms · 1 year
Note
Hihi i saw ur request box was open & i just couldnt resist! A big confession to make here, uhh ive been such a big fan of u and yr writings and also u were the v first fanfic blog i came across a couple years ago so yea, u literally open my third eye to a whole new world of fics👉👈 🥺
i feel like you havent written angst in a while–and bc i miss ur angsty haikyuu fics– sooo could i request post-breakup college!au with atsumu or iwai (honestly anyone who'd best fit the scenario cuz i trust ur characterization👌) abt the aftermath of the breakup, them seeing us on campus and unconsciously following us with their eyes, reschin to help out on instinct only to realize theyre no longer together, thinking about what could've been just reminisce reminisce
ahhhh im sry honestly dont know how to expand more on the idea
thank you for stealing my ficvirginity😃
pairing atsumu miya x f!reader word count 2.1k content contains exes still in love, college!au, mutual pining author's notes hi <3 i remember you (eycee, right?). don't be a stranger! you can always dm me and say hello :) thank you for the constant support. not sure if this fic is angsty enough, but i wanted yours to be the first req i do <3
Tumblr media
“Hi, welcome in! Let me know if— Oh.”
Your voice falters, recognition and maybe even something similar to embarrassment flits across your face, and a split second later, you go back to smiling like nothing’s wrong. Like the two of you haven’t spent the better half of this month actively avoiding each other at all costs, even though the sprawling acres of the University of Tokyo suddenly feels too small. The entirety of Japan has felt too small ever since it became his mission to never cross paths with you ever again. 
This mission of his started just a little over two weeks ago, on the very same day you decide to use his heart as your own punching bag. The worst part of it all, though, is the fact that he doesn’t even hold any type of contempt for you. It’s a cruel sort of joke; sometimes, Atsumu Miya feels like everything bad that happens to him is just some sort of sick punchline in a sitcom instead of real life. 
Usually, when girlfriends find out their high school sweetheart is going to be a wildly successful (and rich) professional athlete, they’ll do anything in their power to hang onto him.
You decided to snip the invisible string tying the two of you together, and you did it so effortlessly, so quickly, that Atsumu had to make sure that he hadn’t been imagining the last four years of your relationship. 
He’s got his hands shoved in his pockets, and he’s torn between staring at you like a total creep or looking at everything in the campus bookstore but you. He settles for the former, scared that this will be his last opportunity to really look at you. 
Neither of you is saying anything. It’s a Saturday and so no one else is even in the bookstore this morning, and Atsumu wants to say something, anything, but he’s never been that great at carefully picking his words, and he’s scared out of his mind that he’ll say something stupid and prove once and for all that you had been right to break up with him. Better yet, he wants you to say something. He wants you to give him a better explanation instead of the bullshit you told him in his apartment. 
We just want different things.
What does that even mean? He thinks he would have shouted out that question, if only your little break up speech hadn’t caught him so off guard. Different things? The two of you wanted different things? Sure, Atsumu likes to sleep in a freezing cold apartment, and you need the room to actually be at a reasonable temperature. And maybe Atsumu has a penchant for overly fried, greasy foods when all you want (and deserve) is a fancy dinner. Maybe Atsumu wants to be at a sports store instead of browsing aisle after aisle in Sephora, but he doubts these different wants have accumulated so much that you felt you had no choice but to break his heart. 
“Hey, Miya.” You say it softly, dropping the perky customer service voice you greeted him with before you turned around and realized who he was. And he flinches. He fucking visibly cringes at the way you speak to him, walking on eggshells and going back to formalities like he’s barely above a stranger to you.
Miya.
(Did you know that he wanted to make that your last name?
Do you know that he still does, even now?)
“Hey,” he replies back, curling his fingers into fists inside his pocket. He thinks his voice comes out all scratchy, like how it always sounds when you don’t use your voice nearly enough. He clears his throat awkwardly. Everything feels awkward; everything feels wrong. He says “hey”, but what he really means to say is please don’t call me Miya; you know the color of my toothbrush, you don’t have to call me Miya. 
“Were you looking for something?” 
You.
Subconsciously, Atsumu finds himself seeking you out. He walks by another girl on campus and almost breaks his neck with the speed he turns around to catch a whiff of the perfume wafting from her body because he swears it’s the same fragrance you favor. He walks by the building that houses all the classrooms for your specific major, even though it’s located on the opposite side of his own classes because he secretly hopes against all hope that he’ll run into you, and you’ll see him and fall in love with him again. He goes to the same restaurants the two of you frequently ate at together, and he orders your usual because you can never finish your entire meal and always have him finish off the leftovers for you (and the food is always good, but somehow it doesn’t taste the same when your utensils haven’t touched it first). And he doesn’t even need to be here, doesn’t even care enough about his stupid class to go out of his way to buy the study guide, but he knows you’ve started picking up the weekend shifts at the campus bookstore, and suddenly, he cares enough about passing to get the damn study guide. 
He shrugs. “Just some stupid workbook to study for an upcoming exam, but it’s not that serious.” 
“Oh. Is Dr. Furata giving you a hard time again?” 
“How do you do that?” Atsumu blurts out, wanting to kick himself for giving too much of himself away. You already own every centimeter of his heart and maybe his soul. You don’t need anything else from him; he’s almost certain there’s nothing left for him to give you, but he can’t help but impulsively ask the damn question that’s been running through his mind ever since you left him behind. 
Did you know that when you’re confused, your brows furrow together, and you get this adorable, endearing crinkle in between them? Do you know that he still finds that same expression as cute as he did when you still called yourself his girlfriend? 
“What are you talking about?” 
How can you just stand there and act like you never crushed his heart? How do you wake up in the morning and not feel like your life is missing something important, like you’ll never feel whole again? How can you keep him wrapped around your finger, and then have the audacity to not even realize it? How did you let him go so quickly? 
Practicing caution, he swallows hard before clarifying, “How do you know everything?” Because if you can act like he’s just a polite acquaintance, like he’s nothing more than another fellow classmate, he can try to play pretend too. He can act like there’s not enough history between the two of you to fill up every damn textbook in this stupid store. “Yeah, Dr. Furata’s been on everyone’s ass. Somethin’ about midterm grades being worth a quarter of our overall grade.” 
“Believe me, you’re not the first victim of Dr. Furata’s to come wandering in the store. I think I have a few more of the workbooks he suggested in stock. Let me go check.” 
It’s instinct at this point for Atsumu to just follow you. If he uses his imagination, it’s almost like he’s back to browsing in a makeup store, walking aimlessly in every aisle, following you loyally because he’s happy to have you lead the way and he doesn’t care where he ends up, so long as you’re there with him. 
But this isn’t an afternoon date with you. This is him following a bookstore employee. After you find that study guide, which is really nothing more than his flimsy excuse for seeking you out, you’re going to ask him “card or cash?”, ring him up at the register, and he’s going to walk out that door and have to act like he’s still not in love with you. All the while, you’re doing fine. You’re fine right now, and you’re going to be fine when he leaves, and you’re probably going to be fine, five years down the line, when you’re happy with someone else and Atsumu is alone because in this little hypothetical, he still hasn’t gotten over you.
He is trailing behind you in this bookstore, and your back is facing him, and he’s panicking because he doesn’t think he’s capable of not loving you. 
Just two weeks ago, you knew him better than anyone else in the world, maybe even better than Osamu, perhaps even better than he knows himself. Now, you just give him a polite smile as you grab the small stool to reach the books located at the very top of the shelf. 
“God, I hate the way we organize everything in the store.” You say, lightheartedly complaining. He knows you do. He knows because he’s known you for nearly a decade. The two of you have grown up together. You made this same complaint sprawled out on the couch in his apartment. 
When he doesn’t reply, you look down to see if something’s the matter, only to do it too quickly that you find yourself losing your balance. Before you can come crashing to the floor, Atsumu is quick to catch you, and you pretend that his protective embrace isn’t comforting. You pretend not to notice that he’s wearing the cologne you bought him for Christmas last year, and you continue to pretend that you don’t miss him at all, that you don’t still love him. 
And for a second, the two of you both pretend that you’re still with each other. That it’s perfectly okay to savor this intimate moment, that his arms wrapped around your body right now isn’t awkward in the slightest. He’s staring at you with a sort of starstruck, boylike wonder, and it’s so familiar, so sweet, because it’s the way he always used to look at you. His lips part slightly, like he’s about to say something, and—
The loud ring! interrupts whatever moment the two of you are sharing, and you nearly jump out of his arms. You hear the distinct footsteps of another student, and you adjust your shirt before remembering where the two of you are — what the two of you are. Not a couple. Barely even friends. Just a bookstore employee and a student that needs a book. That’s all the two of you are allowed to be.
“I should probably go check up front and make sure they don’t need any help.” You tell him, biting down on your lip. “Anyway, did you need anything else, or would you like me to check you out right now?” 
He blinks a few times, as if still in a daze. “Uh, yeah, sure.” The tips of his ears are flushed a light pink. “Y-yeah, I’m done here.” 
The two of you practically race each other to the front of the store, and you step behind the counter to scan his workbook. He drums his fingers, looking around the store. When he’s nervous, he likes to be moving. You know this. 
Just looking for an excuse to use his hands, Atsumu mindlessly picks a pack of gum off a nearby rack and slides it towards you so you can also scan it. You know you shouldn’t say it. You know it’s supposed to be a clean break. Instead, you tell him, 
“Actually, if you want, I have the fruit variety flavor.” 
“Huh?” This catches his attention. 
You reach into one of the boxes that have just been shipped to the store, rummaging through a tiny one before revealing a shiny, new package of gum, this one advertising all the flavors based on tropical fruits. “Would you rather have this one?” 
“Oh, yeah!” As if truly forgetting what the two of you actually are (exes, strangers with too much history, two people still pretending like they’re not in love), his eyes light up. “How did you kno—” He doesn’t finish the question. He knows the answer to the question. 
You’re quick to finish ringing him up, the “polite strangers” illusion being completely shattered. It’s obvious, really, that there are always going to be parts of Atsumu that still live deep inside of you. You can only hope that this isn’t the case for him. 
You hand him the bag, and when he grabs it from you, your fingers just barely graze each other’s. Atsumu is scared — scared that this might be the last time he ever feels your touch. 
And because you’re a glutton for punishment, you find yourself telling him,
“Don’t be a stranger.”
You can’t tell who’s more devastated: you or him.
323 notes · View notes
httpiastri · 1 month
Note
hehe so ever since you talked about college au!pepe i’ve been… doing a lot little thinking (maybe like everyday since) so im gonna give you something to read bc YOU MADE ME THINK ABOUT IT 🫵 now you have to deal with me. hopefully this gives you some inspoooo and a lil smth to think about bc i had way too much fun just thinking ab it LOLL
FIRST OFF ure so right with sebas, chris and pepe being college besties!!! like i think instead of living in dorms, they’d definitely share an apartment together jdbdjfjdjf i tried thinking about who gets to choose the furniture and decos in said apartment but i feel like they’d be giggling at everything they see at ikea, and they’d bicker about whose choices are better so apartment decor shopping takes wayyyy longer than necessary with these 3 and in the end they probs made a google form of their choices (like couches, lamps, dining table…), make their families vote and just buy whatever the families’ top picks are 😭
and somehow, pepe SCREAMS insane pining to me. hear me out… this man is career focused. not interested in anything besides his studies, he lowkey struck me as someone who would want to be a little bit more stable on his feet before he thinks about a relationship? especially with his newfound freedom of moving away from home to live with his best friends too. sure, the thought of having a girlfriend in college doesn’t puts him off or anything but it’s not something he actively seeks either ??? it’s nice and all but he thinks spending his time studying, hanging out with sebas and chris and his other friends, and going back home to visit his family during breaks is just as nice, if not, even nicer. sebas, even more so than chris, thinks pepe should loosen up a bit and would actively TRY to set up pepe on dates after dates with the single girls in his major for like the first semester and eventually gives up because pepe would either 1. cancel on them last minute bc he “forgot he has a presentation tmrw” (he does not!) or 2. could not care less!!! the girlies in sebas major–who fell victim to his date arrangements with pepe–would glare at sebas the day after (bc of wtvr pepe did) and every time he’s like 🥲 guys? 🥲 what did i do? 🥲
that leads me back to the main point: pepe is acquaintance to friends to ??? to lovers coded. LIKEE i can only imagine him getting together and potentially entertain the idea of a relationship with someone he KNOWS. reader (or yn?!) would be friends with sebas or chris because they have classes together, or maybe yn are friends w their girlfriends bc girl power 🥺🤘🏻 and then yn became friends w sebas and chris too so now she has no choice but be dragged everywhere to their hangouts and everything bc they love her!!! (or maybe bonus reader and pepe has like 1 or 2 class together but he never noticed until now) and pepe is a little bit confused every time bc like ? why do you keep bringing this random girl to our hangouts ?? eventually he came around and just accepts that reader will be everywhere he is now bc his friends would not leave you out of a hangout plan. idk how yet but when reader and pepe’s relationship shifted friends-ish to ??? zone he’s a bit like… okay that’s weird. he doesn’t know what it is but he doesn’t like how he feels when he’s around reader anymore like how he did go from tolerating your presence to thinking about every small interactions you guys have ??? like he’s literally losing sleep over it. why does he wish for his fingers to brush yours for longer than necessary when you passed him that bag of chips ?? why is he upset because you asked mark that sits 3rd row from the front for lecture notes, like he’s literally right there, top student of the class ?? why did he offer you his hoodie when you guys’ friends are playing volleyball on a basketball court (don’t ask why and how) one tuesday night in the park nearby just because you shivered a bit ?? i can think of more but i think this is way too long already so i’ll stop here for now JDHDJFJF
up for debate but sebas looks like a kinesiology major, and pepe and chris had def make jokes about it more than necessary 😭😭 imagine sebas is like “guys, i can’t hang out my assignment is due today” and pepe is like “what? you have a curling biceps due at 11:59?” and they’d die of laughter bc. teenage boys. everything is funnier than it really is :D
- 🎀
darling. oh my GOD. this is so!!!! 😭 "now you have to deal with me" oh there's nothing id rather do 🤭
okay first off YES them sharing an apartment is so on point. istg their families would end up getting so tired of their bad taste etc that one day sebas's and pepe's sisters (ive looked all over to find info abt chris's family situation but can't find anything anywhere 😶 so if he too has sisters then they too would be there) just appear at their door for an "intervention!!!" to make sure it all looks at least a little decent...
and yn being friends with chris's and sebas's girlfriends is so 🥺😭
correct me if im wrong but i have a feeling pepe would be interested in something along the lines of maths/physics/science because i think i remember reading somewhere that he liked that when he went to school? he seems like a smart boy to me. like i feel like he would be naturally good at everything he does in school and he could've chosen anything for his major, but he wanted a bit of a challenge so he picked something most ppl would find hard. and yes like you said, career-focused and not rlly interested in much other than his studies (like he strikes me as someone who would actually enjoy studying? esp when he has to work a bit to solve something) so he definitely enjoys that part of the college life.
also he would be a bit of a popular boy (though not the type to be overly boasty about it, more like "what? me? why??"). handsome, friendly, sweet, smart.... and everyone knows he's single, it's kinda common knowledge. so when sebas goes to people and tries to set them up with pepe saying like "oh he would adore you, you're SO his type!!" they get all happy and excited because "pepe!?! im his type??!!". but then they get stood up and eventually that becomes a whole thing lol, everyone knows that he's just a little emotionally unavailable...
and maybe pepe even went through a relationship that ended a bit badly so that contributes to his "i don’t need that drama in my life, i'd rather just study and chill with my friends" 🤷‍♀️
but about his feelings for the reader.... pepe really really didn't see it coming. he's so clueless about what happened and why his feelings changed all of a sudden. why can't he focus on his studies like he used to? why does the thought of her smile cross his mind even when he's solving equations? why is he up until 4am just thinking about her the night before a super important exam?
and suddenly, it's much more likely that he agrees to hangout with the boys (instead of saying that he really has to study like he does way too often) because maybe their girlfriends will come along and maybe they'll have brought you along aswell.
and he starts doing these little things that he can't even figure out himself why he's doing them. like when he knows you're running late for a lecture you share that's always pretty much full, he puts his bag on the seat next to him to make it seem like it's occupied, so that when you make it to class, that seat just happens to be the only free seat in the entire lecture hall... or how he just happens to have a few of those granola bars you love from the campus coffee shop (he totally doesn't keep them in his bag because he knows you don't like having breakfast before your 8:30am thursday lectures and you're usually starving by the time your shared lab class starts).....
i mean ofc it doesn't take long for you to crush on him as well. in a moment of unusual stupidity (there may have been some alcohol involved), you accidentally confess this crush to the girlfriends.... and of course they tell their boyfriends, and it doesn't take long before all of them begin plotting about how to get you together. sebas wants to tell pepe instantly, but chris stops him like "no no no, we have to think this through. this can't be like one of your usual setups, this needs to be properly planned". so they start canceling plans in the last seconds but not telling you or pepe so the two of you end up alone, etc. etc. and you think they're all so obvious that you just wanna crawl under a rock and cry – but pepe is so so oblivious and has no idea. he really thinks it's all coincidences 😭
––
okay this is getting too long already but i just wanna share one other thought i had 🥲 this is ofc further down the story but one night you're all out partying at some classmate's apartment, and you drink a little much... and pepe agrees to take you home, but you're way too drunk to even remember what dorm you live in. so instead, he takes you back to the boys' apartment since it's also, conveniently enough, closer to the party. when he walks you down the hall, he's got an arm draped around your waist and you're clinging onto his shirt to even stand up straight... and when you finally get in, pepe gets some makeup wipes from sebas's room and cleans you up 🥺 and then he finds you an oversized shirt and some pajama shorts for you to sleep in. and after he's tucked you into his bed and he's about to leave, your hand reaches for the hem of his shirt.
"please don't sleep on the couch... it's not good for your back, you'll be complaining about back pains all week" (bonus points if you've already stayed over before for some reason and he let you sleep in his bed while he slept on the couch, and now you're all "you complained so much last time")
and he says "no it's fine, really-" but you bat your eyes at him and go "please? for me?" and he eventually gives in, changes into another shirt and a pair of sweatpants and gets in next to you. from there on, it's just a blur for you both... neither of you can recall how you ended up on his chest... or how his hand made its way to the small of your back, holding you against him.....
but it's especially funny because when sebas and chris come home, not only do they think it's strange that pepe's shoes are by the door ("did he come back already? her dorm is a bit away, he can't be back already can he?") – the sight of your heels a few feet away makes them freak. especially when they don't see pepe sleeping on the couch as they'd expected when having you over. and, as the nosy boys they are, they can't help but peek into pepe's room and sure enough, there you two are... cuddled up like you're something more than just a friend of a friend.....
and when you wake up the following morning, you're a little freaked because !! what are we doing !!!! but then you feel pepe start to wake underneath you and you pretend to sleep again because you can't both be awake now; then you would know you both know about this sleeping position and you'd be forced to talk about it. it's much easier if you can both just pretend like it never happened. pepe smoothly gets out of bed, making his way into the kitchen to make some coffee, but he's startled when he finds chris and sebas already in there, watching him with intrigued eyes. pepe goes like "....good morning?" acting subtle and everything, but the boys just can't hold back from the teasing. "we thought you'd bring her back to her own place?" "was that too hard of a task, huh?" & so on....
and you end up texting chris's girlfriend and beg her to bring you some clothes from your dorm, because... the skimpy/flashy outfit you wore to the party yesterday to impress pepe is not something you want to wear out in public at 1pm on a random sunday.... but wearing pepe's clothes all the way back to your dorm doesn't feel like a much better solution either 😵‍💫
edit: DID I NOT COMMENT ON SEBAS BEING A KINESIOLOGY MAJOR ??? wait it’s 1am so my thoughts aren’t clear rn so i can’t write a lot (about to literally fall asleep) but omg you’re SO right. pepe and chris are not letting a single day pass without making fun of him for it 😭
25 notes · View notes
aroaceconfessions · 2 years
Note
I just started college (at a private school on a shit ton of scholarships and still taking out loans which has led to some really awkward assumptions about my economic situation that kind of just make everything worse) and I had no damn clue that I was so lucky with my friend group in highschool. I went to this support group and made most of my friends that way bc my dads an alcoholic and basically met my platonic soulmate (as sketch as that term is in the aroace community, it feels right with her) but we went to colleges a few hours apart and haven’t been around eachother as of late
Now that I’m at college, I decided to room on a lgbt friendly floor (gender neutral bathrooms, coed rooms, lgbt floor programs, easier access to lgbt support, etc) because it sounded like the perfect way to find and become friends with the queer community on campus. But I think I made a really big mistake.
Being a woman (loosely, but I present that way) on the floor, people just assume I’m a lesbian or at least bi/pan. And people, as they have always done, constantly talk about relationships and sex. Every second of every day. I’m sorta used to it. I’m also autistic so they are used to some stuff going over my head or me simply not reacting, they just don’t know that with the sex jokes it’s not that I don’t get it, it’s that I don’t find it funny. But sometimes I chime in, just to banter and make sure people like me (as sad as that is) and they’ll inevitably say something along the lines of “oh well you’re gay” as in to imply I’m not into men. But they literally forget I’m also not into women or nb people or anyone. I’d like to say I have no problem with the umbrella term gay to refer to the lgbt community, actually I almost did. But I do have a problem with it. I’m not gay. I’m not into anyone. I don’t like sex. I don’t want sex. I’m never going to want sex. Or dating for that matter! I’m out as aroace. All my friends know. And yet they completely erase my identity in everyday speech as if nothing is even happening. It’s so alienating!
I want to assume the best of them. I want to hope that in their minds what they mean is that I’m queer. Im pet of the lgbt+ community. But I know it’s not true. What they mean is “oh well she doesn’t like men so it makes sense that she doesn’t really like the dick jokes and whatnot, so I’ll qualify our conversation and make sure she knows I remember so she doesn’t feel bad for not getting the straight or gay(mlm) sex jokes.” They do not mean “oh yeah she doesn’t like sex, allow me to toss it into conversation so she feels more comfortable and seen,” because if that was what they meant, they’d say “oh well you’re ace.”
They just fucking assume that everyone ESPECIALLY on an lgbt floor is constantly thinking of sex and dating because they can’t possibly conceive another reason someone would live on the lgbt floor. They may remember trans and nb students exist, but in the end they ALSO assume those students are looking for easier access to accepting people in order to find a partner who’s okay with dating a trans or nb individual.
And yet I’m right here.
132 notes · View notes
a-hobit · 10 months
Text
Using my tumblr account as a vent space once again!
So for reasons unspecified I’m an adult still living with my parents and grandmother. I’m almost 21 and I’ve lived in a shoebox apartment with my mom (and now stepdad and old lady) for as long as I can remember. I used to live in a house but really I don’t remember it. The fact we were pretty tight with cash didn’t really bother me growing up but as a full adult now with my own money it feels so unfairly good to spend it on the things I want. I try to spoil my mother whenever I can but she’s pretty hard to buy for. She gave up literally everything for me and my sister. She gave up everything she loved to take us away from my biological dad. I have always known that the life she has is not the one she wanted for me, my sister, or herself. She wanted a home she was proud to go back to and that her children could grow up in. She wanted to host family gatherings and have me and my sister invite guests over. She wanted to grow a seed in the backyard and watch It grow into a tree like she watched her children grow.
It really has always killed me to know that while I may not mind where we are it hurts her deeply that I do not remember that house. That I do not remember a complete family or a simple life. And that as much as she gave up for us it still wasn’t enough. I wonder how many people can say that they understand my mother — she always had friends with simple easy lives that she couldn’t seem to cry to and so she held in that grief of a broken family and that lost life by herself for as long as we’ve lived here.
Now like a gift from the greatest tragedy my mother has that opportunity to buy that home. Not the original one, not that one but a different home. Something she’s proud of. I see how stressed it makes her to have this thing she’s wanted. How she’s having such a hard time choosing.
I am definitely making this harder on her. I know that. I do have my own opinions about where I’d like to live and I’ve always kind of dreamed what that first house might look like when we got the money. Upstairs or downstairs? Dibs on which room? Where would you like your bed? Can you please mow the lawn today sweetie? Have you unpacked everything yet? Will you park the cars in the garage — I think there’s hail coming. Will you take the trash? Will you tend the garden? Will you take the dog out? Can you come home soon? How late will you be?
Do you want to see how big you’ve grown? I can mark it on the wall.
I know some of that already happened. Not the exact same but it happened. I guess maybe ive been idolizing that life in my head so much it’s strange that I now get to watch it play out…but it isn’t really how I wanted it either right?
I’m not a child anymore.
Im not going to live in this house for more than a year — maybe some months in between out of college? This is not going to be my home like it is theirs. Im not part of this like I dreamed about.
And isn’t it true? Why would it ever matter what I thought when I didn’t have to look at it for more than a year or two? Why come along to house showings? Why be nervous about my mom loving a house I hate so deeply because I can’t see myself there with her? Why voice that complaint?
Why say anything at all?
Why worry? If she loves it? If it’s her dream and it just doesn’t include you for long? You should just keep your mouth shut because of how much you’re hurting her how much you know it’s painful to hear you be excited about a house that isn’t even going to be yours — she knows she knows it.
Now you know it.
But GOD it hurts. It hurts so fucking bad. It’s so hard to know now. The reality is so painful you’d rather just stay here. And isn’t that awful? Aren’t you just awful to wish for your loving mother to stay here and rot with you because you can’t handle her being happy without you?
But it feels like rotting already.
26 notes · View notes
plasmasimagination · 5 months
Note
Hi! I hope You’re doing well and I wanted to ask who you’d match me with from HSR, preferably the guys because ahhahdjsbdks my pfp, but ignore jingy rn I want your true and honest opinion. (I don’t mind a female suggestion either)
I’m going to really try and keep this short (I feel like I will fail this as I literally over-explain everything—) but don’t feel pressured at all to reply to this or anything! (I kinda feel i alr did this but im forgetful too help-)
A quick summary:
I’m afab, like 160cm(5’2? With chest which I hate because I want the dark academia dressing style (i dont have money)), she/they, libra, INFP, I’m sorry, I haven’t really had the hyperfixation on sun moon and rising and well astrology stuff tbh 😭
My personality (a mess im so sorry):
Well, I don’t think I could tell you. What I know of myself is that I try to be honest, I am loyal to my friends and probably obsessive when someone shows me interest and i dont know- (there’s some mental disorders going around, along a suspicion of autism) Personally I see myself as a shy annoying brat, while in reality I don’t ever initiate conversation and never know what to say unless it’s about a hyperfixation or something—AGAIN I OVEREXPLAIN EVERYTHING. My mouth doesn’t work as well as I’d like to, I cry too much (imo) I’m sensitive to well a lot, I get overstimulated quickly depending on the situation and um well I’m a picky eater I guess.
RAHHH I LOVE FOOD. And I’m chubby. I’m VERY self conscious and messy (which I’m sure you’ve noticed if you got this far)
Fun fact! If i were to live alone (still living with parents because house market is hell) I’d probably forget to eat a lot/overeat even more than I already do. Why? Because I don’t feel it. I don’t feel a limit to my ‘hunger’ and I don’t even really think I feel hungry at times.
Also, I hate to be perceived by people. It makes me feel like… too much alive. I don’t really feel a connection between my mind and my body, like someone sees my body and I’m just: THAT AINT ME YALL PLEASE IT AINT MEEEEE 😭😭😭😭 but id never say that bc again, my mouth doesn’t work.
I think I’m pretty useless at a lot too, but I don’t mean for this to be a traumadump thingy, which I also don’t realise when I should stop or not like RIGHT NOW I SHOULD PROBABLY STOP (the doubt is real, I’m so sorry—)
LAST THING!
I’m a Jing Yuan simp, obviously, name and all, but I also firmly believe we wouldn’t be good together? Like he’d be great for me. But what would I bring to him? Besides messy thoughts and nothing?… Which is literally nothing. I want to be someone he could properly rely on and not just a hopeless random girlypop who stops processing information after something becomes a bit too much mentally.
I have my serious moments, which will for most part go unnoticed online, but it’s not like I’m inherently useful or whatever. I feel like I’m really lacking in lots of aspects, and yes I’m aware I’m not ‘old’ yet, but my thoughts eat me alive and I won’t be surprised if I well blablah me me me I hate talking about me. Nothing bad even happened I’m just weird at this point, apologies! (Im a mess, my mind is still that 12 year old kid who just wanted a good hug from her mom and a good chat with her mom without all the school and later college problems aghh I wanna be 5 again.)
ANYWAYS if you made it this far, kudos to your determination anddd i hope you stay hydrated! And eat well. Health before anything.
I FAILED TO KEEP IT SHORT. Sorry I- AAAA that’s how my brain is.
Good god jingsnuggler you're Litteraly the best request I've had in my inbox- (IM SORRY MY OTHER CUTIEPIES DONT GET JEALOUS)
And I also was scrolling from like bottom to top to write some request and saw your pfp and was like "wait didn't I just recently get another one of them?" And I was right >:} You really did stay in my memory HSHSHS anyways anyways not tryna chit chat too long since we know why you're here, and I'll use both of your submits to give you the perfect match...
Drumrolls please....
🥁🥁🥁
.
.
.
JING YUAN!
WAIT ! LISTEN IM NOT BIASED.
I genuinely with all of my heart think that you guys would be perfect like no joke
He would balance you out, just fine.
He's a gentle soul, and would find you very amusing and enjoy being around you
Your talkative and bubbly nature would soothe his soul and calm him even.
Sensitive personality? Don't worry Jing yuan will pat your head and tell you it's fine
Forget to eat? Jing yuan will take note of it. And make sure you never forget. Ever
Okay enough of fluff you said you don't think you have anything to offer for him while I strongly disagree
I think Jing yuan needs someone who can keep him entertained, someone that can talk to him, he's a lonely man believe it or not, he doesn't really interact much with plp other than Yanqing, and between you and me Yanqing is boring af
So he'll greatly appreciate having a small birdie on his shoulder that will tell him all that they think , after hours of doing general work all he would need is to have someone talk to him about some casual stuff and random thoughts, yk?
I also think he would turn to you in case of a crisis, sometimes just come home to you and lay down to cuddle with you, it comforts him somewhat, youre like his stress reliever, hes usually very reserved and calm with other people, but with you..it's so different
To him you're like a fresh breath of air, like just a slap to the face to wake him up, you keep him from going freaking insane
I don't think Jing yuan is usually fit for people with a personality of like blade or Dan Heng (just an example of personality I am no shipper nor anti shipper don't shoot me)
Like ...yeah I guess they can be friends but like...Jing yuan wouldn't click with them? I don't know how to explain it but jing yuan needs someone lively and like all over the place, so he can take time to slowly organize you and your thoughts in his mind.
Phew that's all from me, sending lots of hugs and loves I hope to see you around on my blog since you're a small blessing on my acc (≧◡≦) ♡
17 notes · View notes
speedlimit15 · 1 year
Text
i have to stay at my parents’ house for a week at the end of the month because:
1. the annual fire inspection will be taking place on one of those days (no appointments lol) and we have one more cat than we are supposed to on the lease
2. they will also be replacing the toilets in all the units that week and i work from home ten feet from the toilet. again no way to accommodate times/no specific date to call off ahead of time
and we don’t have money for a hotel for a week and jays family’s house doesn’t have wifi that meets the tech requirements for my job -_-
AND i don’t have a car rn and jay’s is on its last legs and won’t make the drive so i get to have my parents pick me up and drop me off. a 3 and a half hr drive both ways with a rambunctious kitten and one of my parents (who i haven’t told i dropped out of my college program yet) and enough anxiety to fill an olympic swimming pool
for a WEEK!!!!!!! and i won’t even have a car or money to go see my friends or do shit. im literally going to be working the whole time and feeling so anxious i can’t move. not to mention just being lonely and homesick in general like i just wanna be with my little family of cats and the guy i love. i hate sleeping alone 😑i’ll have to figure out how to bring some weed because my dad is still kind of weird about it for some reason and idfk if i could rawdog that situation
21 notes · View notes
neptune-ian · 20 days
Note
on top of looks and aesthetics, i feel very alienated from the rest of society and how it regardless of the era still wants young women to be a certain way to fit in, im sure some people mean it when they say looks dont matter but they 100% do, obviously men my age have their ideals of women but i dont want to resort to wearing clothes that look like they would fit a child or a small dog
then theres mbti nowadays and other things like compatability to take into consideration, i feel like even if i tried to get myself to like what other women like it would feel like im forcing it on myself. one thing i refuse to do is cutesy kawaii or that cottegecore or whatever else thats generically girly again maybe if i was younger and id have this "aesthetic" from a younger age but in my age idgaf anymore, i dont even care for expensive brands either thats what i mean unless we force ourselves to care then its going to be even slimmer chances of meeting someone
we didnt have these labels when i was younger its honestly so ridiculous to say we should or shouldnt find somenie attractive based on one single attribute like fashion or body or appearance or makeup sadly a lot of younger guys seem to be really really specific in how their ideal typr should appear to be thats probs why i wouldnt appeal to anyone i have no particular style no aesthetic neither pretty nor ugly just average in everything and at everything
like they say they could want nerds or geeks but its still very vague and vein. honestly i dont think i have a type of guy anymore due to the fact i have never been asked if we have never been asked we must not fit in to what they want in a woman, which is usually someone who wants kids and they must be extroverted or loud and obnoxious or they must wear the skimpiest clothes and go partying or have a large social circle. the thing i find baffling is why do other girls not feel pressured to be all that bc when people request for idols again theyre very adamant on exactly what they want so ik im none of their fs lol
id have to alter the way i am some way or other and i dont have the energy for it anymore. in college i literally wore similar or repetitive outfits all bc i couldnt be arsed to stand out and all the other girls in my class were treating college like it was a fashion show or statement they had to make one girl i knew she took an hour to get ready her makeup would match her nails would match her outfit and bags would all match. bruh it takes me roughly 5 mins if that to put an "outfit" together no makeup if people dont like the way i look or dress screw it all i will be single until i die and i dont care anymore
thanks for replying to my rambling asks i appreciate it as no one else seems to discuss these issues among society
MBTI is lile Astrology. It’s not scientically proven and even psychologists don’t like that concept so why do you take consideration of it?
Sorry anon but it’s a bit stupid to consider compatibility stuff as something « important » or « real » to have and maintain a relationship. That prooves that you just can’t see how life really works because it doesn’t revolve around those compatibility things. It revolves around efforts, time, patience, understanding, compromise, (sometimes sacrifices), love and compassion etc.
In SK they believe in the blood type compatibility. Will you trust that too to believe if you’d have a chance to be in a relationship??? That’s so much absurd. Anon wake up! 😂 open your eyes the world is bigger than what you see and feel like. It’s more than MBTI, Astro, Tarot, Blood type or whatever else. I am a Pisces rising and yet I still am not that close to Pisces. Astro is not a big deal honey. It’s a tool just like MBTI and Enneagram and whatnot. It’s not meaningful stop trying to find reasons to lower yourself or your situation but you do you at the end lol. I will NEVER use astro or MBTI to know whether or not I should date a guy. Don’t think that those things dictate your life cause it is not and you will just stay stuck up. But maybe your a defeatist and believe you can’t control some area of your life and that’s on you…
I am someone I would consider myself as average and I am okay with it because what’s the point of being attractive to 99% of the world? My worth doesn’t revolve around my beauty… I am much more than appearance. I am also more than my flaws and qualities as well. I am a human, a sentient being with aspirations, beliefs, dreams, will, hopes, fears, like and dislike, struggles and strength. I don’t care if x and y don’t care about that, I care about myself. You should do too anon :)
I don’t need to be on fleek every single day, I don’t need to feel desired everyday. How do you think Marylin Monroe felt even though she was desired and loved??? She felt lonely.
Just be true to yourself and stick with it, stop thinking the world is against you and isn’t helping you because clearly as you are telling about « compatibility » as some sort of « truth »… put yourself together because that’s litterally how you will NEVER find someone anon. You are your own enemy but… you know the song :
You do you anon~ 🙂‍↕️
6 notes · View notes
we-are-inevitable · 1 year
Note
Your ask box is my kingdom, I am taking it over
But anyway I so badly want your thoughts on Jack and Davey in my college prof au please please please I know I haven't spoken about it on tumblr yet except from a little bit but I love your Javid so yeah
-has watched high school musical thank you very much
ok ok @roideny obvi this is your au but here are my Very Important thoughts bc i love them Very Much ugh. in love w them
David Jacobs-Kelly:
44 years old, born in ‘79
Undergrad: majored in English, minored in Creative Writing
Masters: Poetics and Theory AdvC- NYU
Doctorate: English and American Literature, thesis is over gender and sexuality in Shakespeare
he’s been Dr. Jacobs-Kelly for about seventeen years by the time the story takes place!
as a prof, he teaches a comp class, an honors comp (Critical Analysis and Writing), and some creative writing/poetry courses! he’s a very busy man.
he meets Race, Albert, and Finch because they’re students in his comp class!
when he’s not teaching, he’s really involved in the local queer scene. i feel like he’s a staple at drag brunches and pride celebrations; he’s not a huge club fan anymore but he still loves being Involved. growing up during the aids crisis is traumatizing at the least, and im sure he lost a few friends, so he stays up to date in the queer stuff to sort of honor them.
he marries jack in 2011 when gay marriage is legalized in new york!
he’s a huge shakespeare fan, as seen by his phd studies. he has a hamlet-inspired tattoo because he’s gay
tbh he probably has a cat named after shakespeare (they have two cats im calling it now. shakespeare and bryan, name courtesy of jack)
he and jack don’t have any kids, but he’s a loving fun uncle for Les and Sarah’s respective kids!
Jack Jacobs-Kelly:
45 years old, born in ‘78
Undergrad: Studio Art! but he dropped out after a semester <33
he just decided that college wasn’t for him. why pay money for something he doesn’t need?
he goes straight into a set design apprenticeship that medda helps him get! medda is his adoptive mom, so he’s been around queer spaces and theatre since he was around 15. he loves it, it’s his home
that being said he probably sells his own paintings and maybe does mural work on the side, he likes to keep busy and is invested in the art scene, and he meets davey when davey moves to New York for his masters! he’s the reason davey stays in NYC <33
he’s very eccentric, and very much doesn’t give a fuck. he’s a black queer man- the universe already nerfed him, so why worry about anything else? i can see him being the really go-with-the-flow husband to davey’s more tight-strung academic vibe. they really balance each other out
again, they don’t have kids, but i feel like this jack is very much For The Youths? i can see him volunteering a lot, working for organizations that help troubled kids get into the arts— i feel like it’s his passion project that makes him feel better when davey is busy at the university all day. in another life he’s a foster parent, but he and davey just don’t have the lifestyle to foster, so he focuses his energy elsewhere!
whenever davey “adopts” some freshmen he’s always on board. he really hits it off with Albert!
not as involved in the queer scene as davey, but his career is literally in musical theatre set design, so even if he’s not in the queer scene he’s In The Queer Scene
i don’t wanna talk about him losing medda but i can see him eventually inheriting the theater!
he loves his nieces and nephews! he’s a big family guy
Extra Thoughts:
jack and davey are a pair. they rarely go anywhere outside of work without each other, and they’re so, SO in love.
jack pretty regularly comes to see Davey while he’s at work; he’ll bring him lunch to office hours and pop in to watch him lecture from time to time.
davey attends the opening night of every show jack works on <33
their apartment is always a mess LMAO. davey has papers and books everywhere, there’s paint on the floor, brushes all over the place— it’s what happens when you cross a tired academic and an adhd creative. shit happens.
they actually stay pretty hip and on-trend? idk how it happens but jack is rlly good with youth culture and davey is on top of gay culture so like. yeah they work.
over summers and breaks, they travel a lot! not anything crazy expensive— they love international travel, but they’re also a big fan of road trips and rental cars!
they are my FAVORITES and i love them so much
20 notes · View notes
toinfinitywinning · 2 months
Text
What you see & hear- or even if you can. Just a cover.
Open it? There’s no tellin’ the worm. But you bought the ticket. It’s your Day 1.
They’re gonna try to break you.
Yk every Day I wake up. And I’m scared of it. Don’t want to. And not b/c im warm in my bed snuggling w/ my feather duvet and rain, with the weight of a horse on my legs play pretending he’s a 3 lb Show shhnowzaa but b/c I’ve already, already lived it. And having been in a constant State of fight or flight, normal or abnormal, sometimes u can’t tell —I still feel bad. W/e differentiation you had to separate the two both ended up at the North Pole but you’ve at least got Santa.
So this means I’m confused all Day but I still want some of Michael’s Secret Stuff Gatorade (haterade) from “welcome to the space jam—alright.” 🎵. To get me through. A safe energy drink. And your body doesn’t ☊ anymore so the more you talk to yourself the saner. It’s just I’ve never had to fake I’m physically okay to be present so much. Physical sickness affects ur mind Health and if you already struggle w/ that my condolences b/c your leg hurts too.
It’s a nightmare never 1-upping to a dream of being without. Then some days it’s will hear a song or remember a Good time or just Start crying-faucet not included. No acute-reason onset. (We gotta find another word for trigger no joke). I only subconsciously wonder will today be better…Will I get better? And I don’t know why I continue to continue being somewhere inbtw positive and negative. All the sudden my mind is taxed and so are your paychecks and I’ve been up for 15 minutes not even thinking I was thinking b/c Truth is, when something becomes your reality for such a Long time, everything just runs together. You’re afraid to feel anything yet know if you don’t it’s not just your body ready to atrophy. Not Good. And it’s a sneaky lil’ mf.
I can’t Imagine the omnipresent (best word for constant I got) Pain people feel having been with Illness their whole lives. How differently their world is shaped. Pain, prolonged cynicism, Illness prolonged, disability prolonged, w/e u used to think about things is gone unless you’re born one of these ways. Now to be clear I was born this Way but not THIS Way don’t get it twisted. Some days I wonder what it would be like to swap around. W/e it is—This presence does not belong to God— but maybe its mere existence really does b/c we won’t have anyone to thank if things get better? And there’s no joy in the things we’ve hoped for and overcome? And everything always has an End result of some kind…Right? If that’s my endgame I can only look at some things very matter of fact-ly. But. Here we are. Pending. Loading. Accept All Cookies. Your Health for potential healing is At the mercy of literally a button click away from quality or lifesaving or changing Medicine or therapy. CAN YOU AFFORD TO STAY ALIVE? Be fired? Bankrupt-ed? Evicted? No college, no trade School, but you work ur butt off to provide but you’re still paid $7.25/hr as I was as head intramural supervisor at Georgetown College. 15 years ago. Not just that, exist, like eating, clothes to wear, some sort of roof. So you’re choosing between crappy and crappier. Literally no difference. How in the is someone even going to try to stay healthy?!
Thankfully I don’t have to worry as much about the material, which, its Stress alone induces more trauma and Anxiety, but I’d bet how we feel physically isn’t too different. All the sudden again in the subconscious where I am all the time I’m figuring and not truly present you really think existentially like how in not God’s name clearly did I get here? I fixed everything. But Life isn’t played by a claw that has never won anybody a teddy bear. I wouldn’t pin karma to me in itself but it sure makes you think.
None of this is about to make sense but it’s where my mind took me.
Think about what was happening in your Life before things changed. Before literally waking up one Morning and knowing that very second things had to change or I was headed toward death a lot faster than I thought until that God moment. I don’t have many of them that are that dramatic but nothing was clearer to me in that moment. And then that Damn bat and conspiracy crap of government population control. If anthrax was sprinkled in Amazon boxes we’d be extinct. But Pretty sure we know how to get rid of people without breaking a beaker or test tube and then turning on a fan just gifting particles. And Unraveling ALL of the many ways of healing I’d finally lived into. I was so close. To every Fk up id invited. And so asking why anymore seems vacant. Echoing. And my ears hurt. ATP I’m More so saying well, I’m not sure that strategy is going to work anymore. Where’s the ღ in Health. It’s lost it. How much are you worth? No, like write down a monetary number on a piece of paper, fold it and slide it across the desk. Insurance companies be like: I see your offer and I’ll raise your offer: have you tried dying yet? B/c you could save a lot of money that way. The money it will take to bury you might even be more deadly.
So The most defeating part is beginning the Day as it ends. When I think about that it’s just like how did I get here? I’m still stubborn about it but maybe regardless of w/e someone accomplishes there’s the reality you’re still living in an imperfect world where you can only control so many things. Even if u gain that control back all those traps R still available. So you can Imagine my surprise when there’s not enough OCD to Go around to control THIS. regardless of what we can have control over, do that, b/c the smaller victories become magnified and walking to the kitchen to take your Meds that may or may not be helping is like an 8-ball w/ only 8 options. Eenie meenie miney. Mo.
I don’t set out to cry or tear up in the videos I share. I’ve always been a cryer. I’ve been told I feel things more intensely so it hits different, does different. The direct quote will remain anonymous but the sentimental pack rat in me wrote it down ASAP. Like, a handwritten letter. You took TIME for me. The quote—It was several years ago and I almost can’t stand it b/c it’s me in whatever kind of Shell is available at the time.
[“people perceive me as an individual who has the kindest of all hearts, but who struggles with the realities of life given that kindness…Like how the tenderhearted feel the pains of the earth more intensely.”]
It’s so true. But if I can’t be real what Good’s that gonna do? For me it further affirms what I already am living. In Edgar’s scary A** pit or with the company of not one canary in the coal mine.
C’ya in the AM. 🫡
3 notes · View notes