#it just happens sometimes. that's just what life is. constantly awaiting death or being distracted enough not to notice the wait 🤷‍♂️

[daz4i]

in my "i am going to die soon i can feel it" era again

#as you may guess from the phrasing i have turned out to be wrong the last times it happened #i usually get it around my bday and i think. i had enough distractions during it so now I'm getting this dread in delay #also in 2 weeks-ish I'm gonna be home alone for about a week which doesn't help this feeling #it's kind of like despair is filling my lungs choking me and i feel like i have no other choice than to die. you know how it is #also been having constant thoughts abt drowning myself recently. again you know how it is 👍 #it just happens sometimes. that's just what life is. constantly awaiting death or being distracted enough not to notice the wait 🤷‍♂️ #negative // #suicide // #ask to tag

[jaskiers-sweetkiss]

Ghosts Still Have Souls

Pairings: Luke x Reader, mentions of Willex

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: none? 

Summary: For his whole life Luke Patterson had anxiously awaited the day he’d meet his soulmate, and then he died. 25 years later he and his bandmates are mysteriously resurrected and Luke’s hopes return. Could he find his soulmate in death? After all, Willie says ghosts still have souls. 

A/N: it took me all day but here is my submission for Day 2 - AU for @jatp-week JATP appreciation celebration. I’m such a sucker for soulmate aus and I haven’t written any in the JATP universe yet so this was the perfect opportunity! Send me an ask if you’d like to be tagged in any future works and as always, let me know what you think!

Masterlist

___

Luke Patterson had always loved the idea of soulmates. When he was a little boy his parents would regale him with the story of how they met. They ran into each other on the quad at their university, his mom knocked to the ground and his dad dropping his books. In her flustered state Emily had combined “Hey, watch where you’re going!” with “Are you okay?” and ended up crying out “Hey, watch where you’re okay!” while his dad had cursed “Shitfuck, are you okay?” When Mitch offered his hand to help her up they noticed each others’ tattoos and the rest was history.

It was Luke’s favorite story in the whole world and he grew up daydreaming about the day he’d meet his soulmate. He couldn’t wait to see what words would appear on his skin when he or she said their first words to him. He wondered if he’d feel the tingle that some reported feeling when the mark formed on their skin, or what the handwriting of his soulmate would look like permanently inked onto this skin. No matter what he knew he’d cherish the mark, it would be from his soulmate, after all, his other half, the person he was destined to spend the rest of his life with.

Dying before he could hear the words that would change his life forever kinda threw a wrench in his plans.

The thought of his soulmate out there, having grown up without him, never to meet each other because of his untimely death had plagued him for days after Julie “resurrected” them. Then Alex had met Willie. The skater ghost had died more nearly a decade before they had and yet he and Alex were soulmates, “You dinged my board.” proudly displayed on the blond’s wrist.  

The knowledge that soulmates existed even in death had brought hope back into his life and he started spending his free time daydreaming about them again.

He’d been channeling his daydreams into songwriting one afternoon when Julie had walked into the garage with Flynn and another friend. He assumed you hadn’t been informed about the ghosts as neither Flynn nor Julie made any remarks towards the guitarist despite typically doing so. He wished that wasn’t the case as you were quite cute. You were absolutely the type of girl Luke would’ve crushed on hard back when he was alive, soulmates or not.  

“Oh, and who is this?” Luke asked, employing his teasing tone as he spoke to the newcomer as you set down your backpack though he knew only Julie could hear him.

He had expected a quiet laugh or at the very least a dramatic eye roll from the girl but when he turned to look at her she was staring at her friend’s wrist. Luke turned to look as well and his stomach immediately sank.

There inked on your wrist in his chicken-scratch handwriting were the words he had just spoken to you.

“Oh my gosh,” Julie gasped aloud, drawing everyone’s attention as she opened her mouth to announce what she had just observed.

Before he even had time to think about it, he was stopping her. “No! Julie don’t!”

She stared at him puzzled for a moment but closed her mouth anyway.

“What?” Her friend asked, looking at her perplexed.

“I just… forgot to tell my dad you guys were coming over,” Julie saved. “I’ll just text him real quick.”

You and Flynn nodded, unfazed by the excuse, and plopped down onto the available seating. Luke sighed, pulling his eyes away from you and poofing out of the garage.

He reappeared at his parent’s house. He had hoped to vent to his mom but she wasn’t home so he plopped down on his old bed. His parents hadn’t done much to the room since his death and as he laid there in silence it almost felt like it was still ’95. That pit that had started to form in his stomach continued to grow as he laid there, his thoughts swirling as his hopes thrashed around him once more.

He’d finally found his soulmate but she was- what had Alex called them?- a lifer. She couldn’t even see him. How were they supposed to meet and fall in love and build a life together when she couldn’t even see him and he couldn’t even touch her? How were they supposed to pass their story on to their future kids when she hadn’t even been able to hear the words that were now permanently etched into her skin? As he thought more about it he realized that he hadn’t received a mark of his own. His heart sank as he ran his thumb over the bare skin of his wrist. He’d stopped Julie before she could tell her he was even there so she’d never had a chance to say her first words to him.

It was worth it, he decided after a while. It was worth never hearing the words, never having the tattoo and knowing for certain that his perfect match was out there. It was worth it if he could spare you from the pain of knowing that your soulmate was there but he was dead and invisible.

___

Luke was almost grateful for the distraction of the Hollywood Ghost Club. The last few weeks had been torture, him constantly trying to avoid being in the same room with you and Julie. She had told you about them being ghosts not long after the appearance of your soulmark and had even invited you to meet the band which you had readily accepted. Luke, however, had run away before you could come that day. It killed him that you had met Alex and Reggie and not him, but he figured it would kill him more to have your first words to him appear on his wrist.

They talked about you sometimes, about how funny and adorable you were. It made his blood boil but he had to restrain himself, what right did he have to be jealous when he refused to even meet you.

Still, the rush to book the Orpheum was a welcome distraction from his internal turmoil. It was even enough to distract him from the fact that no matter what happened at the end of the night, he’d never see you again.

He’d miss you. That much was obvious. He’d miss hiding in the loft when you came over to work on homework with Julie, just out of sight so Julie wouldn’t see him but he could still watch you. He’d learned a lot about you that way, how your smile could light up a room, how gorgeous your laugh was but he could tell you hated it by the way you covered your mouth when you did it, how you fidgeted with the hair ties on your wrist whenever you were thinking (he noticed you always had at least two), and that you were almost always cold. He wished he could give you his flannels, you’d look so cute wrapped up in them and they’d certainly keep you warm.

He was thinking of you as he and the guys gathered around the piano in the studio. Julie had just left to head to the Orpheum with her dad and the mood in the garage had immediately grown somber. Their heads filled with worries of what would come next, what was on the other side? Luke’s only comfort was the thought that maybe if he crossed over you’d get a second chance at a soulmate, one who was alive. You’d never even spoken to him and yet he’d do anything for you.

It was that dedication to you that had pulled him out of the Hollywood Ghost Club and onto the Orpheum stage.

It was that dedication that kept him from running straight to Caleb to save his soul when they didn’t cross over. He’d let his soul be destroyed if it meant your happiness.

He never could’ve anticipated what had happened that night nor the repercussions.

He’d spent the next day journaling, writing down all his thoughts- and there were a lot seeing as he had expected to die yesterday, again. He was alone in the studio, Alex out celebrating with Willie and Reggie was who knows where (probably showing Ray like usual), then you walked in.

He sighed, getting ready to poof up to his hiding spot in the loft before Julie showed up when he was stopped.

“Am I dead?” You asked, staring at him in alarm.

“What do you mean?” Luke asked warily, not understanding the premise of your question.

“Well, you’re dead, and with the exception of Julie, you’re only visible to other dead people and I can see you,” you explained carefully, eyes wide.

Luke nodded at your train of thought before it hit him.

“Wait, you can see me?” He gasped, and you nodded. “You can see me! You talked to me!”

His head snapped down to stare at his wrist, sure enough, “Am I Dead?” was scrawled across his skin in the most beautiful handwriting he’d ever seen. Sure, some might say it was a little messy but to him it was perfect.

Before he could even think about his actions, he was rushing towards you and pulling you into his chest. You stiffened, shocked by the sudden action.

“What’re you-“ started to ask but you were cut off by him violently throwing himself away from you.

“I just touched you,” he gasped, once again stating the obvious. “Why can I touch you? Are you dead?”

“No! At least… I didn’t think I was but now I’m really not sure.” You shook your hands anxiously before reaching for one of your hair ties as you started pacing.

“Sorry for taking so long Y/N, I got caught up with Reggie in the house- what on earth is going on in here?” Julie paused in the doorway as she observed your pacing and Luke’s panicked look.

“Oh thank god, you can see me,” You breathe out before turning to Luke, “Julie can see me, so I must not be dead.”

“What?”

“Y/N and I thought maybe she was dead since she can see me and I could touch her,” Luke explained and you nodded.

“What?!” Julie repeated, more shocked than the last time. “You can see him? And you, you can touch her?”

“Yeah, look!” Luke exclaimed, reaching his arm out to tap your arm but it just went right through you. “Huh, why…?”

“Maybe the first time was a fluke?” You supplied before something caught your eye.

You reached out to grab his arm as it fell back to his side. This time it worked, and you pulled his limb closer to you, turning it over to examine what you had seen.

“Woah, see?” Luke said pointedly to Julie, though you weren’t listening.

“That’s- how? You’re-“ you sputtered as you stared at the mark on his wrist. “Soulmates.” You whispered finally.

“Um, I’m gonna give you guys some time,” Julie said, eyes wide as she walked backward out of the garage.

You didn’t let go of his wrist, your eyes flitting between your words and his eyes.

“That’s why I didn’t hear them,” you muttered, bringing your own wrist next to his.

It had been puzzling you for weeks, how you couldn’t remember hearing the words the day they had appeared on your wrist. It made sense now, you couldn’t hear them because Luke had said them.

“I’m sorry,” Luke said, dropping his wrist from your grasp. “I thought maybe if you didn’t know you could find happiness somewhere else. With someone who wasn’t invisible and intangible.”

Your gaze softened as you looked up at him, his face was tilted down, unable to look you in the eye. You sighed, taking a deep breath before reaching your hand up to cup the side of his face. It took a couple of tries but you were finally able to place your hand on his cheek, tilting his face to look up at you.

“Luke,” you said softly, “How could I want anyone else?”

He shook his head at your words, though his hand came up to rest over your own. “How could you know that? This is the first time we’ve ever spoken.”

“Because the universe put us together,” you answered surely, bringing your wrists together again in the space between you. “I have no idea how this is going to work but I know it’ll be worth it because these mean we’re meant for each other.”

“You are better than I could ever imagine,” Luke confessed softly, and you smiled shyly. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Well you’re stuck with me now,” you joked lightly, before pulling him to the couch. “Now c’mon soulmate, we’ve got some catching up to do.”

#jatpweek #jatp fic #jatp #julie and the phantoms #julie and the himbos #luke patterson #luke patterson x reader #luke patterson x y/n #luke jatp #jatp luke #luke patterson fic #willex #willie jatp #alex mercer #reggie peters #julie molina #sunset curve #soulmate au

[sope-and-shine]

When World’s Collide: Pt. 2

-> Pairing: Moon God!Taehyung x Fate!Reader ->  SFW // fluff, angst, humor // enemies to lovers!au, soulmate!au -> Word Count: 20.1k -> Summary: Taehyung has spent most of his life ignored by his peers and alone on his barren planet. So when a lonely King reaches out to him in hopes to bring his love to him, how could he ignore his plea? However, it’s not good to mess with Fate, and it’s even worse to make the same mistake twice. -> Warnings: mild language, the reader is a bad bitch, minor character death, minor innuendos, crying children, Tae gets into multiple fights

a/n: Part 2 is finally done! I wanted everything for part 2 to be perfect before I posted it! We only have one more part to go and then this series will be complete!! I really hope you enjoy!

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Masterlist

*

*

*

When you left the previous night, you didn’t want to think about what could have happened between Taehyung’s projects. For the past 72 hours, you’ve seen at least 49 different ways last night could have gone, and each one was worse than the last. You refused to acknowledge any tugs you felt all night and right now the only thing you want to do is make sure nothing was damaged beyond repair.

Hoseok sits on the chair behind the security desk, eating a breakfast sandwich despite not actually needing sustenance the way the humans do. He insists it’s only to keep up his human appearance, but you both know it’s because he’s become obsessed with the taste and the sensation. You try not to roll your eyes when you think about how many he’d shoved into the fridge at his - and Yoongi’s - apartment. 

“Don’t you think we would have heard about something by now?” He asks, “Besides, can’t you just look at your hands?”

You sigh, “I’d rather look at the events and see which path they chose. I’ll worry about everything else later.”

Of course you could just look at your hands, but being able to see the vision clearly can sometimes be far too overwhelming even for you. Just the tugs on your fingers are enough to make you itch constantly. You’ve even gone as far as to buy ‘fidget toys’ - as the humans call them - to distract humans from the constant twitching you’ve become so used to. Though you have to admit that the toys themselves give you a brief moment of relief.

With his mouth full, Hoseok side-eyes you, “Sometimes it worries me just how much you know.”

“Show me the tape.”

Hoseok shrugs and turns to the monitors in front of him. He logs into the system and clicks around, finding the footage from the night before and following every camera Eunha goes through. He rewinds the tape back to a bit after everyone left for the night. It shows Eunha making her rounds and walking to the king’s exhibit. Both of the deities watch as she shines her light through the gate and walks away. As they speed through the footage, it looks like no interaction happened the previous night at all.

Hoseok pauses the footage after Eunha returns to the security room and turns to you, who's just as confused as he is, “That looks like nothing.”

“It isn’t nothing.” You can feel it. You’ve practically already seen it. There is no way the two didn’t meet last night, “Show me his cameras.” 

Hoseok does as he’s asked. He finds the set of 4 cameras hidden in the exhibit room and clicks on the widest angle. This camera shows Eunha entering the exhibit and taking a look around, but nothing more. It isn’t until she passes the necklace case that you see the glittering jewels shine within the glass. “There.”

“The spell...” Hoseok’s peaceful demeanor diminishes and an unusual scowl covers his features, “Did he even try to break it?”

You nod, “Even if he didn’t, I did.” You weren’t stupid enough to believe that Taehyung would actually try to get rid of his creation. You’ve been far beyond giving him the benefit of the doubt for quite some time now. However, actually destroying the necklace he designed proved to be much harder than a simple conversation with the Moon God himself. 

“We’ll just have to stay on top of them.” You stand up from the chair you’d brought over to the desk and stand, raising your arms up high to stretch before you leave.

Hoseok picks up his office phone and hovers his finger over the keypad, “Should I page Taehyung?”

You wave the security guard off, “No. I’ll find him later. Just let me worry about this.” 

You leave Hoseok to get back to work and leave for your own office. Not only do you have your regular responsibilities as a deity to attend to, but your human ones as well. Hours spent at your desk not only speaking to employees as needed, but also looking at your strings and following tugs against them. Most tugs come from your own friends and their daily interactions with museum patrons. You try to ignore them, but it’s hard to just let them interact with mortals when you know how bad the outcomes could be.

Taehyung is your prime example of just how true that can be.

You find the blonde in the children’s exhibit he took over curating, helping the youngest of museum patrons to interact with the activities around them. He’s tucked himself between two young children in front of a LEGO station. He tries to help them recreate the dragon behind the glass, but the children are much more creative then the blueprint laid in front of them. 

You approach the group from behind as the young boy on Taehyung’s left turns to him with a smile, “Do you like my dog, Mr. Kim?” He shows him a combination of green and blue blocks, resembling a table more so than a dog but Taehyung still gasps dramatically.

“It’s amazing!” He clasps his hands together in celebration, but you’re still stuck on the child’s inability to realize that the object they’ve created is not a dog. 

“That’s a table.” 

You watch as Taehyung and the boy turn to you, one confused and the other seeming slightly irritated. With big brown eyes, the young boy pouts, “No, it’s a dog!”

“It doesn’t have a head.” 

“Yes it does.” Taehyung interjects, “The head is right here. Isn’t that right, Beomgyu?” He points to the singular blue block that holds the top pieces together, not even close to resembling what he and the boy claim it to be. Even when the boy nods, you’re still left unconvinced. 

You bend down to be on their level with furrowed brows, “It doesn’t even have a tail.”

“It doesn’t need a tail!”

“Yes it does.”

“No it doesn’t.”

“It’s not a dog if it doesn’t have a tail.”

“You’re wrong!” At this point, little bubbles of tears are welling in the young boy's eyes. His feelings are hurt, but you’re none the wiser to his discomfort. You’re taken by complete surprise when he stands up and throws his creation back onto the table, “Mom!”

“No, Beomgyu, it’s-” Taehyung tries to reassure him that his creation is perfect just the way it is, but he stops trying as the little boy runs to the next room in disheartened tears, “-okay…”

You’re left ignorant to the scene you created, instead grabbing the pieces the young human boy threw down and putting them back with the pile at the center of the table. You settle onto your knees in front of the work bench to help clear it off for the next children, “Having a good day?” You ask the blonde beside you.

His shoulders fall, utterly defeated, “I was.” He sounds hostile, and you’re left oblivious as to why. To you, the small child is nothing. But to Taehyung, Beomgyu is a sweet, creative little boy with so much potential. And you...you just potentially crushed his dreams. The amount of anger Taehyung is starting to harbor for you is beginning to overshadow his fear, “What can I do for you today, Madame Director?”

There’s malice in his tone, but you don’t register it, “I want to know about last night. Hoseok and Yoongi said you had her touch the necklace.”

“I did.”

“And did you stay to watch?” 

As much as Taehyung wanted to stay and watch the long awaited meeting unfold in front of his own eyes, he couldn’t risk messing up again. The last time he interfered, he only made everything worse. When an opportunity came for him to intervene, he was too late. He didn’t understand, and that lack of understanding is what brought him - and everyone else - where they are now. He’d never admit it out loud, and especially not in front of you.

The lack of response from the god beside you is the only answer you need, “So you don’t know either.”

“I wanted them to meet on their own,” He says, not lying but not telling the whole truth, “I was just going to see her in a bit and check in about last night. Did you know she’s been working constantly without a day off since Chanyeol left?”

“Hoseok might have mentioned that. But considering this whole situation is your mess-” Taehyung rolls his eyes,“-checking in sounds like a great idea! I want you to talk to her and update me.” The blonde is quick to turn his head, fearing he’s heard you wrong, but you only stare back at him expectantly. “Agreed?”

“Yeah! I can do that.” To say the god is surprised would be an understatement. From day one of him orchestrating this whole charade, you haven’t wanted any part of it. You haven’t wanted to put up with him. You specifically told him that this was between himself, Hoseok, and Yoongi and that you wanted no part of it. Your sudden involvement has Taehyung beaming with curiosity, “Any reason for the new interest?”

You frown and throw the conjoined lego pieces in his direction, hitting his shoulder and falling behind him. He flinches back, his hands pulling close to his chest before reaching up and over his left shoulder to try and catch the miniature building blocks. You try to hide a smirk, “Don’t read into this, Taehyung. This is my job.”

Taehyung retrieves the pieces you threw at him, “Mhm, sure! Sure…”

“I’m serious, Taehyung. I know a lot more than you do.”

“Yeah, you don’t have to remind me...” Taehyung mumbles.

They way he says it is just as condescending as he usually is when you bring up your job. It seems no matter how many times you try to explain to him what your job entails, it goes in one ear and right out of the other. He never actually listens to you, he just continues to think whatever he’d like.

You sigh, “You know, I don’t act like this to be mean.”

“Then why act like this at all?” He asks.

“You wouldn’t get it.”

“Of course I would!”

You scoff, “Considering you don’t understand it yet, I sincerely doubt you would even comprehend what I’m talking about if I were to tell you.”

And there you go again, telling Taehyung how unintelligent he is just so you can be right. It’s never an off switch with you. Always a vague explanation and a promise that he’ll understand, but he never does. “Oh yeah, it must be so hard looking at your fingers all day.”

And just like that, the both of you have gone back to square one.

You set down what you were picking up and stand. Without so much as a frown you say, “Do what I asked and I won’t make Hoseok follow you around.” And walk away from the activity table, leaving Taehyung just as displeased with your attitude as you are with his.

To Taehyung, you have no right to be angry with him - you have a few rights to be angry with him. Sure, he’s made some mistakes here and there, but there’s no reason to continue to hold it against him! He’s learning. Everyone learns. It’s completely unfair that he should have to face relentless reminders of such a simple fact.

Nevertheless, he does as you’ve asked. He had intended to watch for Eunha to arrive anyway. He wanted to know what had happened the night before just as everyone else did, but he knew he had to wait and be subtle.

When she finally arrives, she looks a bit out of it. She makes a detour around Seokjin when she would normally greet him. Her hair isn’t as neat as she usually keeps it and the bags haphazardly thrown onto her shoulder show she’s in a bit of distress. Her walking is much faster than her normal pace, and Taehyung hopes that’s not a bad sign.

He decides to wait for her upstairs in the king’s exhibit, taking a seat on his favorite bench in the museum. It’s always a nice place to sit and have a rest throughout the day, it let’s him think back to old times when his plan was much simpler. A time where his friend didn’t spend all hours of the day inside of a dusty box waiting for his soulmate to return to him. 

It’s moments like this that Taehyung can’t help but wonder what would have happened if he’d left Namjoon alone. If he had just ignored the King’s prayer for help, would he have still fallen ill? Were they destined to meet the same way even if he hadn’t interfered? Would Namjoon and Eunha have been able to meet in this life as well if it hadn’t been for his insistence to give the King a companion? Even worse, what if you’re right?

You told him that if he meddles too much that their strings could knot and burn. If that happens, then everything he’s worked for goes down the drain. Eunha and Namjoon will never get their happy ending and it will all be his fault. If only Yoongi would just make everything easier.

“Damn it!” Taehyung curses, more to himself than anything. He’s working himself up and that won’t do him any good. In moments like this, he takes a page from Namjoon’s book and does something to calm himself. He pulls a small sketch pad out of his bag and throws a leg over his knee, focusing all of his worries and anxieties onto the piece of paper in front of him. Namjoon always wrote in his journals when he was worried about something, but Taehyung has never been great with words. Instead, he draws doodles of patrons and co-workers, even sketches of flowers to ease his ramped mind.

Taehyung hears the clicks of her shoes before he sees her, “Having fun there?”

He wants to lift his head and tell her he’s really worried beyond belief, that he’s the reason she looks so tired. But revealing himself now would ruin everything, so for now he remains a friend in the background.

---

His talk with Eunha went about as well as he expected. She was definitely lying so she wouldn’t worry him - or sound absolutely insane to any normal human. But he could tell just how freaked out she was, and if she wasn’t accepting Namjoon now, then there’s a good chance his plan just took a turn for the worst. He’ll just keep that bit to himself, though. What you don’t know, won’t hurt him.

Hopefully.

He saves himself the hassle of having to unlock and re-lock your door in favor of just appearing inside; however, he didn’t expect to see you sitting at your desk eating a bag of chips. Your one leg is tucked under you while your foot rests on the cushion of your chair. You’re staring at your computer with great interest, so you must be reading something.

You cast a quick glance at your sudden intruder and sigh, but continue your reading, “I did leave the door unlocked.”

Taehyung checks to see if you’re lying, and he’s completely shocked to find you telling the truth, “Why didn’t you lock it? She could come in here!”

“This isn’t an area patrons can enter. Besides, she won’t come here.” You place both legs on the ground and lean over your work to pat your desk, “Have a seat.”

Taehyung is more than hesitant to join you, but he does take a seat. He studies the contents of your desk and finds not one, but two empty chip bags, “Shrimp chips?”

You shrug, “Hoseok. He’s been going overboard with the human food and leaving me gifts every morning. Of all the things he’s left, this one is the most satisfying.”

Taehyung cracks an amused smile, “You’d think Yoongi would want comfort food more than Hoseok.”

“Comfort food?” You ask. You haven’t heard that term before.

“Yeah. That’s what humans would consider chips.” Taehyung explains, “They call them snacks too! They’re things you can enjoy when you get hungry or you just really want to eat something.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

“Far from it actually.” You give Taehyung a quizzical look and he shrugs, “I don’t understand it yet either. Humans are very confusing.”

“Tell me about it.”

“So what are you doing here? I figured you’d be as far away from the museum as possible.” Taehyung asks, eyeing the high pile of papers that decorate the top of your desk.

You shrug, “I’d rather take care of all the human work I’m supposed to do so I can do my real job when it comes up.”

The blonde leans back in his chair, “And this has nothing to do with Eunha and Namjoon?”

“Oh, it has everything to do with them.” You assure him. You take a moment to sit back and look at what you’ve done so far and let out a heavy sigh, “I can’t sit still knowing that they’re both here alive and-...Well-...together.”

Your eyes stray to your hands and Taehyung takes notice of the blank look that takes over, “What are you so afraid of?”

You close your eyes, shake your head, and smile, “Fear has nothing to do with it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.” 

With that you get back to work, hoping to finish your human duties before the morning so you can spend your day doing your real job. Taehyung remains in front of you, silently watching you work away after brushing him off so easily once again. He doesn’t take any offense to it anymore - though it does annoy him to no end - at this point it’s like your own way of communicating. 

However, Taehyung is focused on one thing and one thing only after a long day of stress and hard work.

“Could I have a chip?”

---

It’s been about a week and a half since Taehyung managed to bring Namjoon and Eunha together and despite how optimistic it had seemed, he’s now beginning to realize just how flawed this plan really is.

“She’s not even willing to give him a chance!” The blonde complains, picking at the chicken on his plate instead of eating it.

Jimin - who sits across from him eating his own food - shrugs, “He did scare the living shit out of her.” 

“I can confirm that her soul left her body for a solid 7 seconds when they first met.” Hoseok pipes up, his mouth still full with food. 

“Why don’t you just go back to fanboying?” Jeongguk asks, taking a sip of his soda, “Wasn’t that working?” 

“Not anymore.” Taehyung sighs. He’d been talking non-stop about the dead king since he first landed his job. He’s done nothing but keep up appearances since then in hopes of intriguing Eunha into liking Namjoon just as much as he does, but hopes seem to be quickly going down the drain, “What if (Y/n) is right and this is all just going to bite me in the ass again?”

Hoseok laughs, “I could have told you that.”

The three lower tier gods turn to Death, but only Jimin is bold enough to question him while he gorges himself on human pleasantries, “Why are you here again?”

Hoseok’s ears surprisingly turn red in embarrassment and he swallows the food in his mouth, “You guys said you were getting food here…Ms. Oh gives me extra kimchi when I come here.”

Taehyung can’t help but chuckle, “You really do think with your stomach.”

Hoseok’s brows furrow, “Who told you that?”

“(Y/n).”

Jimin stops eating, “You two have been hanging out?”

The blonde shrugs, “She just wants updates on Namjoon and Eunha and the choices they make. She obviously can’t be bothered to do it herself. It’s not like it isn’t her job.”

Jimin scoffs and Hoseok chews away quietly at his food, but Jeongguk doesn’t seem too convinced with Taehyung’s assumption, “Maybe she’s just trying to make conversation the only way she knows how.” 

“She couldn’t ask about my day instead?”

“You give (Y/n) way too much credit.”

Jeongguk shakes his head, “A guy in my philosophy class acts the same way! He’s really bad at making conversation, so he starts talking about class related stuff to drive himself.”

Taehyung thinks back to their most recent meeting where Fate had asked him about Namjoon and if he’d been causing problems. He remembers how the conversation started, but how it digressed into complaining about Yoongi and Jeongguk he’d never know.

“Still-” Taehyung refuses to falter, “-I do a lot with my day.”

“Taehyung. I hate to break this to you, but knowing what happens to Namjoon and Eunha is what you do with your day.” Jimin points out. Taehyung flings a piece of his chicken in the blonde’s direction, and he blocks with the back of his hand before it can hit and ruin his work shirt. He sends Taehyung a glare and cleans his hand with a napkin, “But I do agree, she could try a bit harder if she’s trying to have a real conversation.”

“You guys really don’t get her, do you?” Hoseok asks.

“Of course we do! She’s Fate.” Jimin says, “She holds the strings of the future in her palms and it’s up to her to keep the universe balanced and blah blah blah.”

Hoseok sighs at Jimin’s mockery, “There’s a lot of responsibility that comes with holding the universe in your hands.” 

“Yeah, that’s why Hui sits with the others while the rest of us do work.” Jimin scoffs.

Hoseok bites the inside of his cheek, “He has more responsibilities than you. You messed that up on your own.”

Jimin shrugs and takes a sip of his water, “Not everyone wishes to be walked all over.”

Hoseok almost looks offended, “You think we walk over you?”

“What else should I call it? Aggressive advice?” Jimin leans forward like he’s challenging Hoseok. The air surrounding the table goes cold as Hoseok slowly sets his chopsticks on the table with a firm grip. It’s obvious he’s trying to hide his anger. 

“Listen-” 

“Hoseok~!” The god’s anger disappears completely at the mention of his name. From behind him, sweet Ms. Oh comes right up to him with a small package of extra kimchi. She places a hand on his shoulder and presents the to-go container to him, “I put in a little extra kimchi in there for you.”

Hoseok accepts her offer graciously with both hands, “Thank you, ma’am. I promise to eat it all!” Ms. Oh pinches his cheek and turns to return to her kitchen. Hoseok waits until she’s completely out of ear shot before he lets his frustrated frown return, “Just think about it this way: Maybe it’s not just humans she doesn’t understand.” 

Taehyung can’t help but look down to his plate, ‘Had he been too quick to judge Fate because of their own history together?’

Hoseok piles his finished dishes on top of each other and stands from the table, “I’ll see you after your lunch.”

Jimin glares after Hoseok until he leaves, “Yeah, it’s pretty obvious that she doesn’t understand much,” He scoffs. He looks at his own plate and wills it all to go away, leaving only the mess so he doesn’t hurt Ms. Oh’s feelings. Leaning back in his chair he sighs, “Maybe I can try talking to Eunha again. What do you think?”

Earth looks to the Moon, but he’s somewhere else in his own space in the universe. He can’t help but rethink his most recent interruptions with Fate again and wonder if her stubbornness - as well as his own - is what’s kept them from seeing eye to eye. If he wants to help Namjoon and Eunha then he’ll have to get Fate’s approval. But how?

 *

*

*

Taehyung looks at the guard schedule you handed him, studying the 4 blank days beside Eunha’s name. He looks up to you - still awkwardly typing away on your computer, “Days off?” 

You nod, “Yes, Hoseok thinks it’ll be good for her.”

“And do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Do you think it’s a good idea?”

You stop typing, your fingers curling in as you think about what to say, “I think it’ll help her figure things out for herself.” If you were a human and had everything pushed onto you the same way, you’d probably feel as overwhelmed as she looks. Even a few weeks into this whole charade and she still seems too in over her head, “Everything is still very new for her, and the stress might eat her away if she doesn’t get some kind of break.”

Taehyung laughs in disbelief, “When did you become efficient with humans?”

You choose to ignore the blonde and return to your typing, “Efficient? Wow, that’s a big word. I’m impressed.”

“Mocking me doesn’t answer my question.” Taehyung points out, sitting back in his chair and resting one leg over the other.

“Doesn’t it?” You ask, raising a brow in his direction. You shrug your shoulders and look back at your screen, “I’ll have you know that I’ve always been efficient with humans.”

“Really?” He scoffs, “Is that why you told that one lady her love line was doomed if she didn’t stop sleeping around?”

“I had to warn her.”

“She ran out of the bathroom crying.”

“The truth hurts.”

“She hit Seokjin with her purse.”

“And I bought Seokjin a coffee and a donut in return.” 

“You know that’s not how you’re supposed to deal with that situation, right?”

You smile, unaffected by your actions, “I’ll consider it a learning experience then.”

“Do you even know what you should do in that situation?” He asks.

That has you pausing. Of course, in an ideal situation you wouldn’t be involved at all. But you’re not acting as a god anymore, you’re parading around as a human. And while you’re confident you know more than Taehyung about humans and their society, you can’t help but wonder if you’re more out of touch than you thought. 

Taehyung sits up and moves so he can rest his arms against your desk with his chin resting on his forearms, “Are you sure you really know humans?”

The last time you had been on Earth to associate yourself with the humans was almost 7 years ago, and it was only to warn Taehyung about his own future. You’d only bumped into a few humans on the street, and you didn’t even have to speak to anyone at all. Your knowledge of humans in the last 100 years - at least - has been almost entirely reduced to nothing. 

You know for a fact that Taehyung was taught about humans by Jimin himself after the blonde’s first run on the troublemakers planet. It leaves you wondering just what Taehyung has learned and if he’s capable of making better decisions than before.

You turn to the curator and mirror his position, leaning on your desk, “What would you have done?” 

“Well, I wouldn’t have had to apologize to Seokjin or the lady because I wouldn’t have said anything.”

You laugh, “Well, yeah. Your lady days are behind you.”

“Once again, mocking me won’t make me wrong.” Taehyung says, tapping you on the nose with a smug grin.

You wrinkle your nose but make no effort to move and show no sign of disgust, “Are you sure?”

Taehyung finds himself staring at you longer than he normally does. You're obviously unimpressed with him, but you still seem happy. It’s like when he talks about Namjoon to Eunha and she pretends she’s not annoyed out of her mind. He thinks back to the other day with Hoseok at Ms. Oh’s and he can’t help but wonder if he could change your mind .

“Why don’t we make a deal?” He asks.

You barely gave him a chance to finish his sentence, “No.” You sit up and return to your working position.

“Come on-”

You hold up a finger to silence him, “We’re in the process of one of your deals, and I don’t like your track record.”

“Just humor me.” He pleads.

You close your eyes in annoyance, “Speak.”

“Eunha gets 4 days off. We don’t have to keep an eye on her or Namjoon. Let’s go out and really experience the human world together.” He pushes your stacks of paperwork aside, “Let me show you what humans are really like.” 

“And…?” You ask, knowing he has more up his sleeve than just showing you the humans of today.

“If I prove to you that humans are more than just random strings that come and go, then you have to really help me with Eunha and Namjoon. If they’re not, then I’ll convince them to destroy the necklace on their own.” Taehyung knows he’s risking everything just to prove a point, but he’s confident that if he plays his cards right then he can get you to at least see things from his point of view, “They’re more than you give them credit for, and I think you would change your mind if you saw them in a different light than that of a god.”

“If you’re so confident you can change my mind that you’d give up after 1,000 years, then who am I to deny?” Your response has Taehyung jumping from his seat in glee, almost stumbling over the chair he was sitting in from moving too fast. You hold back a chuckle as he tries to put everything back where it belongs, “I’ll approve your time off for tomorrow.”

“You won’t regret it.” He assures you.

“I’m sure I won’t.” Despite his annoying persistence and his inability to comprehend the simplest of explanations, you can’t deny that he does try his best with everything.

Taehyung is just happy that you actually agreed. He was sure that you’d turn him down and he’d go home to figure out another way to sneak around you, but this will be perfect! All he has to do is win you over. Which may be a bit daunting now, but he’s sure he’ll get over it. 

He’s about to leave when you call out to him, “Taehyung-!” 

He turns and you smile, “Make sure it’s something really special if you’re going to get me to agree.”

“Trust me, it will be.”

—

“You’re an idiot.”

Not the words Taehyung expected to hear after he told Jimin and Jeongguk about his new plan. He figured they’d have some distaste for his plan, but this was a bit much.

“Come on, Jimin. Do you really have that little faith in me?” Taehyung asks.

“Yes.” The blonde walks away from the living room to go to the kitchen.

“He’s made it pretty obvious.”

Taehyung turns to the youngest deity with a frown and points a finger at him, “You have no room to talk.” 

The two follow Jimin to the kitchen where the eldest of the three makes himself a glass of water at the fridge over his usual glass of champagne. When he turns and sees Taehyung again, he heaves a heavy sigh and sets the glass on the island in between them, “If you think you’re going to convince Fate that humans are something special then you have another thing coming to you, Taehyung! (Y/n) has never valued humans and she never will.”

“Like you have? She took them from you for a reason, didn’t she?” Jimin narrows his eyes at Taehyung and the Moon continues on, “Maybe she just forgot how that feels.”

“Or she won’t and this will ruin everything we’ve worked for. Did you think about that?” He asks.

“Of course I did! But I know that won’t happen.” Taehyung leans on the counter and makes himself eye-level with his friend, “You have to trust me.”

“You better not blow this.” Jimin picks up his glass and walks out.

“I won’t!” Taehyung calls after him, but the Earth has already left his orbit.

*

*

*

If someone were to look up the definition of worry and anxiety in a dictionary, they’d find a picture of Taehyung. Asking Fate to make a deal with him had seemed like a great idea when he first thought of it, but now as the blonde stands at the bus stop waiting for her to arrive he’s starting to have second thoughts. As much as he hates to admit it, your track record for being correct is far more superior to his. The chances of him changing your mind are about as high as Yoongi smiling at him without being forced to.

“Taehyung?” You ask, pulling the god out of his thoughts. You’re sitting right next to him and he didn’t even notice you arrived. For once, you look worried, “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, the bus should be here soon.” Taehyug assures you with the best false confidence he can muster. If today is going to go well, then he needs to leave every worry on this bus bench and focus all of his energy on you and what would make you more likely to finally see from his point of view.

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” You ask.

He shakes his head, “Not yet. Our outing for today will remain a surprise until we get there. Unless you’ve already looked ahead?”

He’s teasing you and you know it, “I’ve kept my hands to myself, thank you.” You assure him with a light nudge to his side, trying to ignore the amused smile that paints his features.

He nudges you back, “Good. Keep it that way.”

The bus arrives a few moments later, it’s door stopping in front of Taehyung. The both of you get up and approach the doors, waiting off to the side for previous passengers to exit. You’re about to walk around Taehyung when the last one exits, but his arm flies in front of your chest and stops you in your tracks. You have half a mind to snap at the blonde, but your anger disappears when you see why he stopped you.

“Here let me help you.” Taehyung steps forward to grab the front end of a child’s stroller, gently lifting it and helping the mother carefully steps down herself with a little girl right behind her. Taehyung sets the stroller’s wheels on the ground and turns to the little girl with a bow on the top of her head and her hair poking out like a sprout and offers her a gentle hand with a wide smile, “Here you go, baby. Watch your step.”

The young girl takes his hand and jumps off the last step, just barely reaching the sidewalk with a little help from Taehyung. Her mother cheers for her and reaches out a hand for her to come back by her side. With a quick bow she thanks Taehyung and they continue on their way. You can’t help but watch the little girl bounce after her mother, her little feet almost dancing as she toddles on. No doubt Taehyung had just made that mother’s day easier and her child’s day happier. 

“Ladies first.” Taehyung motions for you to board in front of him and you climb the steps, scanning your bus pass, and walking to the first available seats close to the back. You slide into the window seat and pull your bag into your lap, Taehyung settling into the seat beside you

The bus starts moving and the two of you are locked into a peaceful silence. Well, as peaceful as it can be for Taehyung. He told himself to leave his worries behind, but he’s still sitting next to you with every worry resting on his shoulders. 

You’re more than happy not worrying about the humans around you or the mischievous god to your left. It’s a nice change of pace from the museum, especially with the view of the city right outside of your window. Leisure trips aren’t something you’re often used to. Unless someone needs you or you’re required to intervene, you really don’t go anywhere. It’s almost pleasant, but it’s hard to forget the company you keep when his legs won’t stay still.

“Are you okay?” You ask.

“Huh?”

“Are. You. O-K?” You repeat slowly, “Your leg is shaking like crazy.”

“I’m just excited for our destination, that's all.” He assures you.

You nod, deciding to let it go for now. You’d find out soon enough.

The bus comes to a stop in front of a large, colorful building no Taehyung shoots up, “This is our stop!” He races from his seat down the aisle and you stand up and follow after him. You exit a few people after him and find the blonde staring at the large building in front of you. Dozens of children run freely, their parents rushing after them as teens and young couples parade around hand in hand. 

You come to a stop beside Taehyung and give his arm a playful nudge, “Don’t tell me you were excited just to look at a building?”

He shakes his head, “I think you’re really going to enjoy yourself today.”

Without even thinking about it, Taehyung takes your hand and drags you behind him. All the way to the front doors of the building where a small line of people wait. He doesn’t miss a second and pulls out his phone, moving his head close to yours and smiling at his screen. His phone goes dark for a split second before he pulls it back to his chest. He moves on like what he did was nothing, but you’re left confused.

“What was that?” You ask.

Taehyung stops scrolling through his phone, long enough to raise an eyebrow at you. “You aren’t serious.” When you nod his eyes go even wider, “You work at a museum and you don’t know what a picture is?!”

“It’s a painting.”

“That’s a portrait.”

“There’s a difference?”

“Yes. There is, and I’m going to take millions and millions of pictures to prove it!” To make his point, he pulls the hand holding yours away to throw it over your shoulder. He taps relentlessly at his screen, occasionally switching up the angle. You try to throw a hand in front of your face to block his new attack, but he’s quick to adjust his camera to continue his harmless assault. “Why are you hiding? I’m trying to teach you what a real picture is.”

“Taehyung!” You try to push away, but the blonde has a tight grip on you.

“Take pictures with me!” He whines, trying to inch his face even closer to yours.

You can hear the humans snickering around you, but your companion doesn’t seem to care at all. He has no problem keeping you caged against him while he “takes real pictures” in a weak attempt to persuade you. He doesn’t give up in the line or on the escalator going down until you get closer to the front and he has to let you go.

“Have you purchased your tickets already?” The kind woman asks as you attempt to fix your hair from Taehyung’s attack.

Taehyung slaps his thighs with both hands before shoving them inside his far pocket and pulling out folded papers. He hands them to her, “Here you are.”

She unfolds them and takes a quick look over the words on each page, pulling a scanner similar to the ones at the museum to check them both in before handing them back with a smile, “Enjoy your time today.”

“Thank you. We will!”

The both of you move on, walking to the second set of doors beyond the ticket line and walking through to see just how big the building really is. The outside doesn’t do justice to the humans who designed something so beautiful. The entrance gives a great view of the entire park, showing off several buildings and attractions, as well the flora and special decorations placed to appease the humans that visit. Everything is so well cared for, and the glass roof just makes everything look so bright and inviting.

“Do you see anything you’d like to do first?” Taehyung asks.

You’ve heard plenty about amusement parks. Many human’s string’s will entangle themselves in gears and doors, tied to trivial things like rides and children’s games. Their opinions all seem to differ with most of them split in half on how they truly feel about the park.

You shrug, “Why don’t you choose?”

You should not have let Taehyung choose. Especially not what the humans call a rollercoaster. What insane, psychopath designed a high speed death trap that turns you on your side and flips you upside down in a metal cage?! Only one deity is sadistic enough to test the limits of Life and Death like this, and you’re positive Yoongi had something to do with the creation of such a monstrosity. At one point, you were sure Taehyung was going to lose his hands!

Not every ride was as terrible. The pirate ship had seemed gentle enough at first, but then it kept going higher and higher and you started to feel yourself slipping out of your seat. You even wrapped your arm around Taehyungs to ensure you didn’t go flying over the metal bar they’d placed against your lap.

Every ride the two of you climbed onto felt like one death trap after another. There was no way Yoongi himself didn’t come down and design each and every inhumane attraction himself just to create some form of chaos. Anyone who actually enjoyed a near death experience needs to sign themselves up for human therapy.

After your last brush with Death, you sat yourself down on a bench to catch your breath and maybe your sanity as well. 

“Are you okay?” Taehyung asks.

“What?”

“Are. You. O-K?” He teases, “You’re looking a little pale for someone that isn’t capable of getting sick.”

“Well, my complexion is all thanks to you and your death traps!” You remind him. You feel like your stomach is in your throat and you don’t even have a stomach! “How could humans actually enjoy these things?”

The blonde shrugs, “You’re just not a thrill chaser. Humans like a rush.”

You look at him astonished and bewildered, “Do they forget they’re mortal?! They could die!”

“That’s the fun of it!”

You groan and lean into the back of your bench, “Oh, you really have lost it.” 

Taehyung can’t help but laugh at your misery. This is the first time he’s seen you so out of your element, and it’s almost refreshing. But he reminds himself that you’re supposed to be having fun. “C’mon, we went on some nice rides.”

“Oh, yes! The children’s rides! Those were much safer.” Taehyung laughs again and you give him a quick glare to shut him up, “Why can’t the humans just enjoy simple things?”

“Because YOLO.”

“Bless you.”

“No, it’s a saying. It means ‘you only live once’,” Taehyung explains, “There are quite a few humans that live by that.”

“They would risk the one life they have for a phrase?”

“They would risk it for a chance to have fun and feel alive.” He says, rephrasing the words in a way you could understand, “Most humans have to work to live. There are only a few that don’t need to worry about food or shelter. So, those that can make a point to have as much fun before they can’t anymore.”

“I guess that’s admirable...” You’d never really taken the time to consider why humans do what they do. It all seems pointless when you’re eternal. The concept is nice to think about when you give some thought to it. It almost makes what Taehyung has been trying to do a decent idea.

You stand before you can continue thinking as a human would, “Alright, what death traps are left?”

Taehyung’s smile grows, “I’m glad you asked.”

---

“Where’s the bar?”

“It’s behind you.”

When Taehyung dragged you to the large, circular ride with couches around it’s side, you weren’t sure what to expect. But if there’s one thing you’ve learned about human rides, it’s that they need bars in front of you.

“Excuse me? What about a lap bar?” 

“This ride doesn’t have one.”

“Not even a belt?”

“Nope.”

“What do I do if I can’t hold on?”

“Just hold on tight.” As soon as he says this, the ride starts. It just spins around at first, and that isn’t so bad. At least, not until the ride starts to bounce as well. The first one has you falling out of your seat and onto the floor.

Taehyung grabs your hand, having expected this to happen, “I told you to hold on!” He pulls you back into the seat next to him and you grab onto the bar once again. The blonde tries to let go, but you reach for his shirt and hold it like you could actually die if you fell again. He laughs, “You’re not supposed to hold onto me!”

“If I’m going down then so are you!” You yell, gripping the bar behind you and hoping for the ride to be over soon.

Every bump has you edging closer and closer to the moon god and it’s a miracle you aren’t sitting in his lap by the end of the ride. As soon as it stops, you’re finally able to catch your breath. You find yourself praying to Hui, hoping he’ll hear your plea and switch your job with Yoongi’s.

Taehyung, however, is trying not to freak out at your close proximity to him. You’re holding onto his jacket like the kitten he’d visited at the pet store, like falling is only inevitable if you let go of him. Your head is resting under his chin, the hand holding onto your top being the only thing to stop you from hitting him.

“Are you still okay?” He asks.

You pull away slowly, unbothered by how close the two of you had been due to your fear of dying on a human toy, “Fortunately.”

“How about we go on the last ride now?” Taehyung suggests, exchanging the hand he holds you with to take the elbow closest to him.

You don’t bother hiding the frown on your face, “Do we have to?”

“I think you’ll like this one.” 

The blonde helps you off of the ride and lets you cling to his arm all the way to the other side of the park where your last ride awaits. Another circular ride, only this one has cars similar to the rolling death trap he’d locked you into only 4 rides into your experience.

You stop in the middle of the walkway, pulling Taehyung back and causing the humans to move around you, “You want me to go on the spinning death wheel? Two in a row?!”

“It’s not what you think.” You give Taehyung a look and he rolls his eyes, “Come on.”

You let him take you through the line, deciding to lift yourself up for the ride instead of letting the fear you have tear you apart. Even as you’re let on the ride and once again locked in next to Taehyung you’re trying to decide if fleeing to the other side of the planet is worth blowing your cover.

“Are you okay?” The worker settling your bar in place asks.

You offer him a weak nod, “Yeah… I’m fine.”

He hands you a small, blue plastic bag with a ring holding it open and smiles, “Just in case then.”

He goes to start the ride and you’re left confused, “What’s this for?”

“How should I know?”

The ride lurches and you grab on tight to the bar, finding yourself going backward a few feet and stopping.

“Just calm down.” Taehyung coos. He places his hand over yours and rubs his thumb over the back of it, “You worry too much.”

Your eyes are locked on his hand over yours, “Why are you doing that?”

“To comfort you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re freaking out.”

“Oh…”

“I can stop if you want.” Taehyung starts to let go, but the ride moves again and you grab onto his hand yourself.

“No!” You cry. Taehyung can’t help but laugh at how different you are in this moment, and you try your best to brush it off, “Just until we get off. That way if this monstrosity breaks you have no choice but to go to.”

Taehyung smiles knowingly, “Whatever makes you feel better.”

You cling to Taehyung as the ride continues to stop and go, squeezing his hand on the occasional tilt the car makes. It isn’t until the ride - starts to actually spin continuously that you really begin to enjoy the ride itself. You somehow manage to actually like this ride, so much so that you convince the ride attendant to let you go around again. Taehyung has no complaints, especially if you’re going to smile the whole time.

You come to a stop near the top and the blonde turns to you, “So, are you enjoying yourself?” He asks with a teasing smile.

You, however, couldn’t care less if you were wrong or not at this moment. Up in the air looking down at the colorful lights of the other rides, you feel free. You have no responsibilities up here. You exist peacefully and happily without any problems holding you back.

You’re no one.

“I’ll give you this, Moon god, this ride is nice.” You lean back in the car, letting your body rest into Taehyung’s, “I think I can understand this.”

“Not the others?” He asks, teasing more than genuine curiosity.

You shrug, “Humans are strange. If they have natural Death wishes then so be it, but I suppose that the thrill could have some appeal to the right people.”

Taehyung sighs and let’s go of your hand, using his arm to wrap around your shoulders, “I was hoping you'd see things my way.”

You smile and poke his nose the way he’d done to you the other day, “Don’t get ahead of yourself, Taehyung. We’re not there yet.”

“Yet~” He says with an air of hope.

“We’ll see how you play your cards.” You say. For now, you intend to enjoy the moment while it’s still here.

---

“So, what are we doing here?” You ask.

Taehyung had told you today would be even better than yesterday before the two of you parted last night - and with how terrible those rides had been it should be pretty easy to make a good impression. Anything would be better than getting on those traps again.

“We’re shopping!” He says excitedly, but his enthusiasm has you confused.

“Why?”

“Because it’s fun?”

“But you don’t need to buy things.” You remind him, “You’re a deity. You can make whatever you want.”

“Yeah, but this feels more human.”

You tilt your head in confusion, “Why would you want to feel human?”

He sighs - he won’t get anywhere when you’re like this, “Why don’t I just show you and then you can ask questions?”

You move to the side and extend your hand, presenting the way for him, “Lead the way.”

He takes your outstretched hand and leads you down the sidewalk, walking in front of you with your connected hands behind his back to lead you through the crowd. You begrudgingly walk behind him, looking at the shop windows as you pass.

“This way!” Taehyung squeezes your hand and pulls you to the left, and you unconsciously squeeze back and follow him. He takes you to the entrance of a store with it’s door wide open, a rack full of children’s clothes keeping the door from closing.

The store itself is filled with nothing but clothes of all types and various accessories scattered across the shop. Young women cling together as they scan the racks and some show off their finds near the back. An older gentleman and a boy who looks to be his son stick to the men’s section to the right of the store, the son shaking his head here and there when his father shows him a new item.

Taehyung immediately takes off for the women’s section without you and you’re not really sure why he’s the excited one. You follow him anyways, arms crossed and so far highly unimpressed with his first pick of the day.

“Trying to relive the old days?” You jest as the blonde sifts through the rack.

“Nope.” He says, choosing to ignore you in favor of looking through the clothes. He keeps going for a few seconds until he finds something he deems worthy enough, “Here it is!”

You half expected him to pull out a dress, but you’re surprised when he pulls out a shirt very similar to his. You double take and realize that it is the same shirt before you’re back to being unimpressed, “What is that?”

“A shirt.”

You’re offended that he would think you’re that incompetant, “I know it’s a shirt! Why would I want it?”

“So we can match!” He shakes the shirt out of excitement and almost drops it when he spots something else, “Look! They even have cute little scrunches!” He picks one up, a little, blue hair piece with yellow crescents all over it. 

“You mean like this?” You ask, placing your palms flat as if they’re against a table and lifting, flipping them over to reveal the same bow, “Something I can make?”

Taehyung feels deflated and he doesn’t say anything right away. You’re a very to-the-point person, and he knows there’s only one way he can really get through to you.

“Could I see that for a second?” Taehyung asks, pointing to the scrunchie in your hand. You look down at it and shrug, handing it over to him without a second thought. He smiles, “Thanks.”

He takes both your scrunchie and the scrunchie he had picked up and chucks from across the store, one landing on a rack and the other in someone’s hair. You’re stunned by the fact that he - of all people - would even consider such a thing, “Taehyung-!”

Taehyung smiles - as if he hadn’t just done anything wrong - and places his empty hand on your shoulder, “New plan. You don’t get to say no to this.” He turns you around by the shoulder and nudges you in the direction of the exit, “Come on.”

You groan as he leads you to the register. Yesterday was fine, but if this is how the rest of today is going to go, then you want it to end now.

Taehyung stops in front of the register and places both the shirt and the scrunchie in front of the attendant, “We’ll take these, please.”

“Oh! Matching shirts! The both of you are going to look so cute! Here-” The girl scans the shirt, grabs a number placard, and hands both of them to you, “You can use our changing room to put it on before you leave.”

“No, that’s o-” You were perfectly happy denying her help, but the kicked puppy look Taehyung is giving you has you back peddling. You muster the most sincere smile you can, “Yes. Thank you. I appreciate the offer.”

You leave Taehyung to pay the human, begrudgingly walking to the fitting rooms she had so kindly offered you. This was not your idea of fun. This is an unnecessary waste of your time. Why anyone would willingly waste their day just to change clothes you don’t think you’ll ever understand.

Looking at yourself in the mirror, you can at least appreciate the color. It’s simple enough that you don’t have to worry about standing out. But standing next to Taehyung wearing matching shirts isn’t going to help you any.

“(Y/n)? Are you done?” Taehyung asks, his voice echoing from the other side of the door. You sigh, relenting to a fate of your own and open the door, the shirt you were wearing hanging over your arm. 

“Well?” You ask. The blonde takes a step back from the door, eyeing you up and down. 

“Wow…” His smile is so wide you’d think the action hurts. He looks like a child seeing snow for the first time. He's so excited. His beaming smile - as well as the giggling girls standing in front of the room next to you - has you feeling hot with embarrassment.

You shuffle forward and cross your arms, “Are you happy now?” 

“Very.” He assures you. He knew you were pretty, but you just look so cute when you’re all flustered. It’s nice to see you finally being the one grasping for straws. “Come on, we have a lot to do.”

---

“Food?” You ask, eyeing the numerous stalls that line the street in front of you.

Taehyung nods, “You’ve only had a diet of shrimp chips and strawberry milk. I think it’s time you branch out.”

He leads you to the first stall and points to a tray before he hands the man money in exchange for two sticks with something skewered to them. He hands one to you, and you’re left staring at the item in your hand, “And this is?”

“Food. Eat it.” You’re unsure at first, but you agreed(forcefully agreed) to do whatever Taehyung decided to do for the day. You take a hesitant bite, but one bite is all it took to understand. Taehyung must be able to tell by whatever expression you’re making, “Good, isn’t it?”

You turn to the vendor with your mouth still somewhat full, “Can we get 2 more, please?”

He nods and gets you two more, but Taehyung is quick to take them out of his hands before you can. “Don’t fill up! We have a whole street to go through.” He gestures to the other stalls around you, and for once you’re actually excited to listen to the mischievous god. 

It takes you almost 2 hours just to get back to where you started, and you’re sure you’d be on the ground if you were a human. You have to give Taehyung credit where it’s due, this was a great idea.

“What’s next?” You ask, turning to Taehyung with a bit more hope for the future.

He shrugs, “I guess we could go around for seconds but that might scare the humans.”

You frown, realizing how reckless you’ve been, “I guess you’re right.”

Your change in demeanor throws Taehyung for a loop. This isn’t the first time you’ve dismissed him - or anything - like this. He knows you’re reluctant to tell him, so he thinks of something that’ll get your attention, “Let’s look at what trinkets are being sold.”

“Trinkets?” You ask curiously.

“Like the things Jimin sells in the gift shop.”

“Merchandise?”

He shrugs, “Sure.”

Taehyung leads you back down the street, passing several food stalls before he reaches a jewelry stand that might catch your attention. He takes a quick look over the items on display before he finds one you might actually enjoy. 

He turns around and pulls you closer to the stand, pointing to the simple, silver necklace with a glittering ball charm, “What do you think about this?”

You shrug, “It’s no soulmate necklace, but I guess it’s nice.” Taehyung seems disappointed by your response so you take a closer look. It’s nice in theory, pretty and sparkling. You’d have to guess anyone would enjoy something like this. “The charm is shiny.”

“Well, yeah. It’s supposed to be.” You give him a look, and he chuckles. He gets the vendor’s attention and waves them over, “How much is this?”

“5.”

Taehyung pulls out some money and hands it over, “Here you go.”

You watch him as he puts the money away, “Why’d you buy it?”

“The little things! Now, turn around.” You give in and turn around, waiting for the inevitable push forward to come. But instead, Taehyung’s hands come down over your head and with one end of the necklace in each hand, “There. Now you look even better.”

“Oh? So I was ugly before?” You ask, turning around to face the Moon god with a teasing smile.

Taehyung’s eyes widen, “What? No! That’s not what I meant! You’re beautiful, I just-” He finds it hard to come up with the right words to say, “-I just think this compliments your look.”

“Thank you.” You say, feeling the heat in your cheeks. You’re also at a loss for words, unsure of how to respond. You’ve never been complimented by someone, “Um-...What else did you want to do today?”

Taehyung looks at his watch and sighs, “It’s not time for us to go to our next surprise, so I guess we’ll have to be spontaneous.”

“Spontaneous? What a big word, I’m impressed.” You tease, earning a glare from the blonde. You sigh, “Fine. I’m sorry. Lead the way.”

The two of you were able to find a park. At least this one wasn’t full of death traps like the other had been. This one only had slides, a merry-go-round, swings, and rocking horses. Of course, you were skeptical at first, but Taehyung’s judgement had proved to be good enough. It was simple enough, and far less terrifying than the amusement park. He was right when he said it’d buy you some time, because the two of you spent quite a bit of time enjoying the playsets made for human children until you finally had to leave for your next surprise.

“Next!” The attendant calls out before the family in front of you even moves. Taehyung leads the way around them to the counter, and you follow behind him like you have all day. The human teenager seems less than enthused to be stuck in a box, “For two?”

Taehyung nods, “Yes. We’d like the 7:30 showing of Save Me.”

The boy tells him the price and holds out his hand, accepting the money Taehyung gives him and handing back two tickets in return, “Enjoy the show. Next!”

“I think we just found Yoongi’s twin.” Taehyung says, more to himself than to you, but it has you bursting into laughter. The blonde opens the door for you, amused by your reaction, “Oh, so you do think I’m funny?”

“No!” You stop and wait for him to catch up with you before you relent, “Okay, so maybe you can be funny, but it’s not a common thing for you.”

He scoffs, “Uhuh, sure. Let’s just get some snacks.”

“Comfort food?”

“As much as we can handle.”

And he stays true to that. The two of you put the poor girl behind the snack counter through the ringer with the amount of candies you buy. The tray to hold your hot food is so packed that you have to carry the popcorn and two of the boxes you bought so it all could fit! The humans that you pass on your way to your movie send you judgemental looks, but if you were them, then you probably would too.

Taehyung leads the way to a small, two-seat balcony section over the theater’s entrance, the first row so you don’t have to hold your tray throughout the movie. You both get settled while videos play on the screen - something that the human’s call previews. Taehyung picks up the hot food he had bought first to eat, and you have no complaints eating them while you wait for your movie to start.

When the lights do finally dim and the crowd in the theater begins to hush, you can’t help but turn to Taehyung, “This isn’t going to be scary, is it?”

“Can I be honest with you?” He asks. You nod, “I have no clue.”

---

Thankfully for you, the movie had not been scary. There were some parts that had you jump from the sudden action, but nothing terrible. It was entertaining for something made in the eyes of a human. 

“How clever are humans to paint Fate so well? I’m actually impressed with their interpretation!” You rave as you leave the theater. 

Your smile is radiant and Taehyung can feel himself relax, “So, does that mean you liked the movie?” He asks.

“It was enjoyable,” You agree. You can’t deny that seeing your job portrayed correctly has taken you off guard. Not only that, but it’s amusing to think that humans understand your duties better than the deity in front of you. “Though, I’m confused as to why Fate was a talking house cat.”

He shrugs, “Humans are innovative. Their creativity doesn’t have any bounds.”

“I suppose you could say that.” The both of you walk around the corner of the building to the alley, out of eyesight from the humans, “Same time tomorrow?” You ask.

Taehyung nods, “Yeah. Wear sneakers.”

“Sure thing. I’ll see you later.” You look around before you disappear, leaving Taehyung to stare at the empty space where you stood.

This is only your second day out and it feels like an eternity. But the feeling isn’t bad at all. Neither of you have really pushed at the other like you normally do and it’s weird. It’s like that line of friend and enemy has been crossed and you don’t have to be Fate or Moon God.

You’re just (Y/n) and Taehyung.

*

*

*

Both you and Taehyung walk down the street, fairly close to the museum. He’d taken you for a late morning-early afternoon bike ride through the park a few blocks over. Taehyung himself has always found bikes to be a bit more exciting than cars, enjoying the feeling of flying through the air and seeing nature’s colors without a shield. 

You sigh, “I’ve never realized just how beautiful trees can be.” You’ve never spent much time on Earth - even in the past few weeks that you’ve spent babysitting. But today you both spent a good hour or so just riding around the park - you even biked the path next to the river. Of course, like everything else, it took a moment for you to really get into everything, but today has been the fastest you’ve given in and felt something other than indifference. Not only did you relax, but Taehyung was able to as well. 

“It’s a lot nicer when you can feel the wind through your hair. It makes it feel more magical.” Taehyung agrees. He’d never say it outloud, but this version of you has really captured his attention. He’s barely even thought about worrying over Namjoon and Eunha. There’s just something about the time you’ve spent together that just feels right now.

“I guess it does.”

Taehyung smiles and jogs in front of you, stopping in front of a restaurant, pulling open the door, and offering you a deep bow, “Madame~”

You attempt to bite back a smile and give a small nod back, “Thank you.”

Walking into the cozy little restaurant, you are quickly greeted by the middle aged woman at the counter, “Welcome!”

She’s turned around, so she doesn’t see who’s entered, but Taehyung walks up to the counter and greets her back, “Good afternoon, Yuna!” 

Yuna turns around and coos when she confirms it’s Taehyung, “Taehyung!” He waves back at her and she nods, turning back around and tapping the window cut into the wall, “Mom! One of your regulars is here.”

“Who is it?” You hear her before you see her, the door to the kitchen opening to reveal Ms. Oh with her hair tucked away in a hair net. She scans her restaurant and a smile breaks out on her face when she sees Taehyung standing at her counter, “Oh! Taehyung, my handsome boy! Give me a hug.” Ms. Oh all but runs around her front counter and holds out her arms, Taehyung wrapping his arms over the elder woman. She squeezes him tight and sways him back and forth, pulling away to look over his shoulder, “Where’s Hoseok and Jimin?”

He shrugs, “They’re working today.”

“Oh, I see...” She nods in understanding. Turning her attention to you, her eyes going back and forth between you and Taehyung before something seems to click in her brain and any confusion she had turns into mischief, “And who’s this lovely lady~?”

You smile, “(Y/n), it’s nice to meet you.”

“We’re here on a date.” Taehyung adds, a mischievous smile of his own.

Ms. Oh gasps, “A date?!” Taehyung nods and poor Ms. Oh looks like she’s going to have a fit. She turns Taehyung around and pushes him towards you, the deity grabbing onto your shoulders to steady himself, “Oh, you sit down and stop talking to a little old lady like me. You have this beautiful young woman next to you and you’re going to waste time talking to some prune?!”

Taehyung adheres to her advice and starts to lead you to a table by the window, Ms. Oh following the two of you with a menu. He can’t stop himself from adding on as you sit down, “Her beauty is only second to yours, Ms. Oh~”

“You’re not getting a discount. Sit.” She taps his shoulder with the menu and he complies, sitting down and accepting her menu with both hands.

She ruffles his hair and walks away, leaving you both amused and confused, “Well, she’s charming.”

“Ms. Oh is full of personality. Hoseok only comes here for her.” Taehyung laughs before adding on, “And her kimchi.”

The two order their food and continue to make small talk as they wait. It’s hard to miss Ms. Oh peeking over the order window, and Taehyung makes a show out of waving at her everytime he catches her. It’s no surprise when she personally delivers their food to them.

“Here we are~ I expect this food to be all gone before you leave, do you understand?” She gives both of you an expectant look.

Taehyung nods, “Yes, ma’am.”

“Good. Now-” She grabs a chair from a nearby table, pulls it over, and sits down, “-how did the two of you meet?”

“(Y/n) is actually the owner of the museum.” Taehyung explains, taking a bite of his food.

This seems to impress Ms. Oh, “She is?!” She looks to you for confirmation and you do with a hand covering your mouth. She leans back in her seat with a small, seemingly knowing smile, “Wow, so you’re really hitting it off with the boss~”

You choke on your food and Taehyung chuckles, “You could say that.”

Ms. Oh sighs, “I understand. I was hitting it off with the boss’ son back in my day. It got me this restaurant!”

“Mom! Leave that poor couple alone!” Yuna scolds from across the room.

You wave your hands before you speak up, “No, she’s fine!” 

She smiles at you and Taehyung continues the conversation, “So, you took over your husband’s family business?”

“I’m afraid it wasn’t until after he died that I took over, but we did run it together for 45 years.” Ms. Oh looks out the window, most likely reminiscing on old days when her husband was alive and well. You give Taehyung a small kick under the table for bringing up a sensitive topic, and his hiss of pain has Ms. Oh breaking out of her thoughts. She must catch onto what happened, because she puts her hand over yours and laughs, “You sweet thing! Your friend Hoseok reminds me of him when he stops by. He likes my kimchi almost as much as my Changbin did.”

Even with a smile, you can still tell how much pain she went through, “I am so sorry for your loss.”

She sighs, “It was a while ago. That wound has closed over now.”

“Still-...those 45 years must have been wonderful.” Taehyung adds, offering a warm smile.

“I cherish every single moment and memory. I keep my most important one’s close to me.” Ms. Oh looks over to where Yuna hands over a delivery order.

“Is Yuna your only child?” You ask.

She squeezes your hand, “My eldest - Hanbin - died in the car accident with his father. Soobin hasn’t spoken to me since he graduated high school.”

“I’m so sorry…” You’re at a loss for words. Comforting humans - comforting others - is not something you’re used to.

“That’s Fate for you.” She shrugs, unbeknownst to her that she’s holding Fate’s hand. Your eyes widen and you look to Taehyung for help, but he’s keeping his head down. Thankfully, Ms. Oh’s determination and free spirit can’t be stopped by something as trivial as strings, “But Fate has brought me wonderful customers such as yourself.”

You smile, “Thank you.” 

“And besides, I get plenty of handsome young men coming into my store everyday. Fate blessed me there.” She looks at Taehyung with another bright smile, but you’re no longer as happy as you were, “Oh, look-! I’ve dampened the mood.” Ms. Oh stands up and puts her chair back where it belongs, “The two of you eat up and enjoy each other’s company. Make the most of it.”

“Thank you.” Taehyung gives her a small bow before she walks back to her kitchen, leaving you to sit and think about this nice human who’s had everything cut short by her own family’s strings. 

Your strings.

Taehyung sets his head on the table where your eyes stare at nothing, “You okay?”

You meet his eyes and look past him to watch Ms. Oh hug her daughter, “She’s so happy...yet she’s had so much taken from her.”

Taehyung shrugs, “You haven’t been kind to her.”

You nod in agreement, “I wish I could have been.”

---

After lunch with Ms. Oh, you had to make a quick stop by the museum. You didn’t say what you had to get, but Taehyung was happy to wait for you by the front doors. He made good conversation with Jin, even found out a bit more about the man’s many, many failed relationships. Thankfully, you were back within a few minutes, and the two of you still managed to make it to the mall and window shop before you were called away by the council.

Council meetings always come on like cold chills, and it was hard to miss with how violently your body shook. He could tell you were reluctant to go, especially if he wasn’t going with you. But he let you go, assuring you that the outing for tomorrow would need rest anyway.

Now, he stands in front of his apartment door fiddling with the keys to enter his apartment the correct way for the first time in days.

“Hey, I’m ho-Oh!” Taehyung stumbles back, throwing a hand over his eyes. Jimin takes up the couch, sharing his “time” with someone he can’t see, “Sorry…”

Jimin stands up and sighs, fixing his shirt, “It’s okay. Nothing we can’t get back to.” Jeongguk sits up with his brown mop tousled and bruises all over his neck and chin - As surprised as Taehyung is, he really shouldn’t be. Jimin sits back down and crosses his arms, “I see you’re still alive. I wasn’t sure when you didn’t come barging into my room.”

“Yesterday and today went great!” He explains. He begins to take off his shoes, “I took her to an amusement park the first day - and that probably wasn’t my best decision - she really didn’t like a lot of the rides, but she actually relaxed for once! And then today! I took her shopping and we got matching shirts, and we ate tons of food, and I even bought her this cute little necklace. SHe actually liked it. And we-!”

Jimin holds up his hands, “Woah, woah, woah! Hold on! Slow down for a minute.”

“Why?” 

“Because you’re starting to sound like you like her.”

Taehyung shrugs, “So? Isn’t that a good thing?”

“No! If you like her then she can use you!” Jimin hits the coffee table with his hand and stands from the couch, “I should’ve known this would happen.”

Taehyung tilts his head in confusion, “What would happen?”

“You!” Jimin yells, “You’re too soft! Too good. If you keep going like this then she’ll only stab you in the back.”

“I’m just getting to know her!”Taehyung defends, “She’s actually not that bad once you find common ground. She actually does this cute little thing with her nose when she’s scared-”

Jimin crosses the room and grabs Taehyung by the front of his shirt, “-Stop it! Listen to yourself! Friends shouldn’t be cute to you!”

“I think you’re overreacting, Jimin.” Jeongguk pipes up from the couch.

JImin turns around with a glare, “Stay out of this, Kookie!”

Taehyung takes this opportunity to push Jimin’s hands off of him, “I’m just trying to get her on our side.”

“Yeah? Well, don’t forget who dropped everything to help you in the first place.” The blond reminds him.

Taehyung is stunned for a minute, “You could’ve said no.” He’s never shown distaste since the first day he agreed to help him. He’s only used every opportunity to reinvent this new version of him. If Jimin was unhappy, then he had ample opportunity to tell him.

“A good friend would help you!”

“Then why are you so angry?!”

“Because you’re letting Fate blind you!” Jimin pushes against Taehyung’s chest and the Moon god stumbles back into the wall behind him, “You’re letting her get into your head, and before you know it everything we’ve worked for will be for nothing-!”

“-You’re wrong!” Taehyung yells, pushing back against him in retaliation, “You don’t know that!”

Jeongguk tries to grab JImin in hopes of reeling him in, but the Earth god throws his arms out to the side, “She doesn’t care, Taehyung! She doesn’t care about the humans and she doesn’t care about you!”

“Then stay out of it!” Taehyung turns his back to his friend and returns to the door where his shoes are.

“Where are you going?” Jimin asks, still very angry.

Taehyung picks up his shoes and shrugs, “If you won’t help with my plan then I won’t force you.”

“Taehyung wait-!” Jeongguk tried, but the Moon couldn’t care less. He’s been around people that don’t want to be near him long enough to understand when he should just go.

He finds himself by the river again. Not even 12 hours ago he was here with you and he was smiling and happy and free and now it’s tainted. He can feel his own rays of light shining down to give him warmth, but it’s for nothing. He doesn’t feel it. 

At a moment like this, he just wants to feel something.

You’d like to feel less.

Council meetings have never been anyone’s favorite. It’s very rare that every deity is required to attend, and it’s tasked upon the High 6 to meet regularly to maintain balance. You’ve done it since the beginning of the universe and you doubt it wil stop until the very end. The only thing worse than a regular meeting and a full meeting, is a meeting called to discuss the Pillars of Balance.

These meetings are never in your favor.

“Have the 3 of you forgotten how your jobs work?” Seowoo - the Cosmos asks, annoyance dripping from her tongue.

You, Yoongi, and Hoseok stand before the other 3, holding your ground together as they all stare you down. Seowoo is almost livid, while Juhyun looks like he doesn’t care either way. Hui - as always - is almost impossible to read.

“It’s not like we haven’t been trying. You try spending 6 days straight with Taehyung and see if you can tolerate him enough.”

Juhyun sighs, “Why don’t we just strip his powers away? Won’t that fix the problem?” He doesn’t even attempt to hide his boredom.

Seowoo shakes her head, “He needs to be stripped of his powers! We warned him the first time and look where that got us!”

You absolutely disagree, “Don’t you think that’s a bit harsh?” You ask.

She scoffs, “You’re the reason we’re in this position in the first place!”

“Excuse me?”

“We should have taken his powers away years ago, but you just had to baby him!”

You’re offended, “Because it was his first offense and I thought he learned his lesson! You’re the ones that didn’t try to understand him!” You’ve never once shown special treatment to anyone. You definitely aren’t now.

“Oh, I understand him alright. He’s a menace, and you’ve only encouraged his behavior!”

“I tried to do what was best for him!” You argue.

Juhyun pipes up, “What about what’s best for everyone else?”

He makes a valid point, but you know that taking the powers away really won’t be helping anyone, “He’s lonely on his planet. Taking away his ability to visit others won’t fix that.”

“Maybe he’d stop trying to do everyone’s job…” Seowoo mumbles, crossing her arms over her chest and sitting back in her chair.

“This is just a rough patch for him.” You explain. You know Taehyung, and as much as he thinks you’re changing, he’s changing just as much. “He needs to see that this isn’t going to go the way he wants and he’ll stop!” 

“Or he’ll do it all over again!” Seowoo argues, completely exasperated.

Juhyun looks to Hoseok and Yoongi on either side of you for some kind of helpful input, “Are the two of you listening to this?”

Hoseok nods, “We stand behind (Y/n)’s decisions.”

Seowoo groans in annoyance and turns to the only other person who can do anything, “Hui, talk some sense into them. Into her.”

“(Y/n)-” He stands from his chair and leaves his platform, extending his arm to you, “Come with me.”

You ignore the pleased smile on Seowoo’s face and take his arm, allowing him to lead you away from the enclosed room. He takes you to a small balcony just off the room, a curtain being the only door between you and the others. The balcony has a beautiful view of the galaxy, showcasing twinkling stars and distant planets. You try to enjoy it, but your nerves are too on edge.

Hui joins you, resting his arms on the railing, “Have you been alright?” 

This takes you by surprise, “Of course! What kind of question is that?” You ask.

“You’ve been acting differently for quite some time now.” He explains, “I’d say since Taehyung first started causing trouble.”

You shake your head, “I think you’re wrong. I’m the same person I’ve always been.”

He turns his head to look at you, “I don’t believe you are.” 

You sigh, “Look, Seowoo has always been dramatic. I promise you that I am taking this situation seriously.”

“When Jimin severed the humans from their soulmates, you nearly ended his entire career. You didn’t give Taehyung that treatment.” He’s not wrong, but Jimin’s situation was so much different from Taehyung’s.

“Taehyung messed with the fate of 2 individuals, not an entire population...” You remind him.

Hui looks down and back up, sighing, “What are you trying to achieve?”

“Taehyung doesn’t understand. I’m trying to help him come to terms with their future, but it’s just taking a little longer.”  

Hui laughs, “He’s a moon. He doesn’t understand, and it’s very likely he never will. He’s not like you.”

“Taehyung has never had anyone call out to him for help.” You explain, “He’s only insistent on doing this because Namjoon came to him and now he feels responsible!”

“So, that’s what’s wrong with him…” The Universe seems to understand.

“I thought after what happened the first time, he would have understood. That he would have given up on something that was so doomed from the start, but he’s determined.” In a way, you really feel for Taehyung. He’s doing what he thinks is right, but his determination is only causing more pain than good. “I’m just trying to help him.”

“I think you and I both know that helping him is no way to help him.”

“I’m hoping to lessen his pain! We stripped Jimin of his powers and now look at him!” After stripping him of his powers, the Earth god became so much more human-like than anyone could have anticipated. He found other ways to play with humans and make them praise him, and his resentment has yet to fully diminish.

Hui tilts his head in confusion, “We?”

You heave a heavy sigh, “I.”

Hui shrugs, “I thought you said he deserved it? You thought it was best.”

“Well I was wrong!” You admit, slapping your hand against the cool marble railing. Watching Jimin over the years try to assimilate has always made you feel terrible. No matter how justified your actions may have been, watching him has always felt wrong, “Let me make this right.”

He sighs, “You know, Fate has no use for Hope.”

You laugh, “Some omnipotent being I am…”

Hui shrugs, “You can’t help that you’ve fallen in love.”

His words have you whipping your head faster than the speed of light, “What?”

“You can’t help that yo-”

“No. I heard you the first time.” You assure him. You heard him loud and clear and he could not be more wrong, “I’m not in love with Taehyung.”

He smiles knowingly, “I never said it was Taehyung.”

“But you implied it was!” He raises an eyebrow as if to challenge you, and you’re astonished. You can feel the heat rising on your cheeks and you find yourself stumbling over your words, “I am not in- In love with Taehyung! He’s a thorn in my side!”

He chuckles and turns his attention to the view in front of you, “You’re lucky.”

“Excuse me?” 

“Your job brings you close to humans. You get to experience their emotions far more than the rest of us.” He explains, his gaze locked on the inhabited planet.

You’re completely confused, “Is there a point you’re trying to make? Gods have no use for emotions.”

“Is that so?” He asks. He turns his head to you with a mischievous smile, “Or is that just what we decided was best?”

You pout, “We’ve already seen what human emotions can do to us 1 too many times…”

“And we’ve learned.” He agrees, “Why don’t you give it a shot?”

You shake your head, “How is an emotion like love supposed to help me right now?”

“Let me ask you this: Are you doing this to give Taehyung a second chance? Or is this your 4th?” He asks. 

It’s been far too long since you were first created as the Goddess of Fate. In that time, you’ve learned the in’s and out’s of what it takes. Most importantly, you’ve experienced most of your rules first hand. It’s been so long and pushed so far out of your mind, that even you forget about your own shortcomings.

“You’ve made mistakes and you have regrets. You’re not perfect.”

You scoff, thinking of Seowoo, “Perfect is apparently a part of the job...”

Hui sighs and pushes away from the railing, “I’ll tell the other’s that this situation is no longer any of our business and you, Yoongi, and Hoseok will make everything right, just as you always do. But do me a favor and remember what we’ve talked about.”

He walks away, leaving you on the balcony by yourself to think. He’s always such a strange character, and sometimes he’s almost unconventional. He should be a God of Mischief instead of your Universe. But he does leave you with many things to mull over.

Are you projecting your own past regrets onto Taehyung without even realizing it? Are you hoping that by fixing Taehyung, you’ll feel better about all of your past mistakes? Do you really see him as just an acquaintance, or are you actually in love with him? It doesn’t make sense to you. There are many reasons to treat him differently.

You can’t be in love with Taehyung.

You feel a tug on your finger, and it’s very light at first, but it soon gets harder and more urgent. This usually means that someone is doing something they shouldn’t, and if the track records are anything to go off of then the Moon god is the one to blame.

You quickly make the travel from Star 13 to Earth, following your strings to the mischievous god. You’re not surprised to see him flinging rocks into the river, nor are you surprised to see the overturned trash cans and benches along the path to him. Taehyung has always been emotional, and he tends to go overboard when he gets upset. You fix most of his mess and hurry to stop him, hoping to get to him before someone calls the human authorities on him. 

“You know-” Taehyung stops mid-throw, “there are easier ways to contact me.”

He’s surprised - and he really shouldn’t be. He knew if he caused a big enough scene then you’d have no choice but to come and see what he was up to. A part of him knew exactly what he was doing, but his irrational side would never let him admit it.

Taehyung lets his arm fall to his side and he lightly tosses the last rock into the water, “When have I ever used a normal means?”

You shrug, “I suppose I should’ve expected something like this.”

Neither of you are sure what to say after that. Taehyung is fighting an inner battle with himself, unsure if he actually wants your help or regrets trying in the first place. And you’re still reeling from the conversation with hUi and what exactly it is that you’re feeling. But either way, you are there and Taehyung does need help.

“So-” You start, coming up next to him and sitting in the grass, “What’s bothering you?”

“Why do you think something’s bothering me?” “Okay, so, maybe something is bothering me.”

“Wanna talk about it?” “You ask, patting the spot next to you, “I promise I’ll try my best to not-...” You hesitate, “-be so me.”

“You aren’t the problem,” Taehyung sighs, “Well-” He sits down cross-legged next to you, “-you are, but you aren’t.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“I know, just bare with me.”

“Okay.”

Taehyung sighs, “Jimin and I got into a fight over the deal you and I made.”

“Why?” You ask.

“He doesn’t think you can change.” He admits.

Knowing your relationship with Jimin, you really can’t blame him for thinking that way, “I guess to someone like Jimin, that would make the most sense. I’ve never really been easy on him.”

“Yeah, but that’s biased!”

“Are you saying you aren’t biased?” You ask. Taehyung opens his mouth, but words don’t come out. You place a hand on his shoulder, “Jimin has his reasons.”

Taehyung sighs and looks to his lap, “I know, that’s what scares me…”

“Well, you kn-Oh!” You feel something cold at your feet and stand up. The water of the river has risen, slowly coming closer to you, “We should move back. The water is really coming in.” You take a few steps back, but Taehyung stays in his spot, “Taehyung?”

The moon god just lays back and looks to the sky where his planet shines bright, “Most of Jimin’s planet is made up of water. I’ve always loved it’s color and how beautiful it looks from my planet. I guess I’m just attracted to it.”

“It’s normal to be attracted to beautiful things.” You rationalize.

Taehyung tilts his head back to look at you, “Did you know that humans are 70% water?” He asks. You shake your head and he positions his so that he can see his planet again. “I think I have an obsession.”

“No.” You move to sit just above his head in the grass and lean over him ever so slightly, making sure the god can see you, “I think you have feelings.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes, “Is that really any better? Gods aren’t supposed to have feelings.”

His point is exactly what you had said to Hui, but the Universe had made some fair points as well, “Then why do we have them?”

“We?” Taehyung questions.

“You heard me. We all have them, even Hui and Yoongi do! Why would we have feelings if we aren’t supposed to have them?” You ask. Taehyung looks confused. He reaches his hand up and rests it at your cheek, holding it there for a moment before pinching it between his fingers “Ow!”

You slap his hand and he pulls it away, “Sorry, I just had to make sure you aren’t from Planet 181.” You give him a hard glare and he holds his hands in front of his chest, “It’s just weird that you’re being so positive and-...supportive.” You’re not usually a very supportive person. Of course, he’s been able to see a new side of you these past few days, but it’s still so new. It starts to make him think something else is going on.

He sits up and scoots himself back so he can sit next to you, “Did something happen with the council?”

“They-uh…” It’s hard to meet his eyes. You can only think back to what Hui had said about your own feelings in this moment, and you have to remind yourself that this needs to be a professional moment. You decide to tell him the better news. “Hui is leaving the situation in my hands. They’re going to stay out of it from now on.”

“I honestly can’t tell if that’s good news for me or not.” He jokes. You shake your head, but you find it hard to be mad at him. Over the past few days, you’ve really seen a change in him, and you’d be lying if you said you haven’t noticed your own changes. Maybe you can both win at the end of this.  

“Maybe it can be good.” He tilts his head in confusion and you sigh, “I will try to help you from here on out.”

Taehyung’s eyes widen in surprise, “Really?! But we still have one more day!”

“And you can still show me whatever you have left. I just-” You look for the right words to say. You don’t want to give him false hope, but there are ways to trick Fate. You just can’t do it alone, “Maybe there is something more I can do.”

“Really?!” You nod, “Oh! Yes! Thank you!” Taehyung tackles you to the ground with a hug, “You’re amazing! I knew I could change your mind!”

“Yeah, yeah.” You awkwardly pat Taehyung on the back, “Just know I’ll do my best. Now, get off of me!”

Taehyung rolls off of you, but he’s not ready to let go. His hand finds yours and he intertwines your fingers with his, “Thank you.”

“For what?” 

He squeezes your hand, “Giving me a chance.” 

“Fate isn’t very notorious for letting things just magically fall into place,” You admit. You turn your head to look at him and smile, “But second chances can happen.”

“I promise not to let you down.” He says. He looks back to the sky and sighs, “I just hope Eunha and Namjoon get the opportunity to spend time like this.”

 “Like this?” You ask, slightly confused.

“Together.”

He says it so innocently, that you’re unsure if he considers your relationship with him to be similar to theirs or if he enjoys the new dynamic the two of you have. He looks so at peace lying next to you, holding your hand and enjoying the view of his planet. His own rays bathe him in a healthy glow and you can feel a flutter in your chest. You can’t help but think of what he means to you.

Maybe you are in love with Taehyung.

*

*

*

Your weekend with Taehyung made you feel special and light, a bit more free than you’ve felt in a millennia. For once, you’ve haven’t worried over strings or worried about their pull. You only worried about yourself and you got to focus on what it’s like to step outside of the box. You got to be you, and now you’re one step closer to knowing how you feel about Taehyung.

But all good things must come to an end.

There’s a moment in time when a dam breaks that everything seems to slow down. It’s like gravity forgets to pull down and everything is left hanging in the air. Your stomach drops and life just seems to drain out of you knowing the inevitable is coming whether you want it to or not. That’s how it feels looking at your hands and following every last string to it’s end. 

“Are you going to tell him?” Hoseok asks.

You shake your head, “No.” You want to more than anything, but you can’t let your feelings cloud your judgement. Even if you did, you know Taehyung’s would guide him, and that has never worked well for anyone in the past. “Telling him won’t help him.”

“But he’s going to be really angry with you when he finds out.” Hoseok - the sweet God he is - picked up on your changes a while ago. He figured out your feelings even before Hui did, and seeing your progress be disrupted by this has him on edge.

“I’ll deal with it when I get there.” You assure him. You can’t worry about the future when you really need to focus on the now, “Did you find him?”

He nods, “It took a while, but Yoongi managed.”

You nod in approval, “Good. Don’t be too hard on him.”

“That’s not fun, (Y/n).” He whines.

You wave him off, “Just take Yoongi and do what I tell you.”

“Fine, but you owe me.” He relents. He turns to leave, but he turns back with a sly smirk, “Maybe we should call you the love god.”

“Goodbye, Hoseok!” 

He finally leaves, and you’re left with the possibilities ahead of you.

A happy ending isn’t written, it’s hardly even a good ending as far as humans would be concerned. The string knots and breaks every single time. It’s disappointing to say the least, especially after the promise you made to Taehyung. This will crush him just as much as it will crush Eunha to say goodbye, but you can’t let it continue on any longer. At this point, there’s nothing else you can do but wait for gravity to fall.

And fall it did.

Everything was fine. He was over the moon with the relationship he formed with you. Eunha seemed so happy after her break, especially after taking Namjoon with her. He’d hoped they bonded just like the two of you had. It seemed like all the strings were finally converging nicely, but he never thought something like this could happen.

He storms into your office without so much as a warning, “Did you know this would happen?!”

“Well, hello to you too.” You’re taken aback by his entrance, “Don’t worry, I wasn’t busy.”

“Did you know?” He asks again.

He’s angry, and there’s only two possible reasons why he’s behaving like this. But there’s only one way to be sure, “Did I know what?”

“Stop pretending like you don’t know!” He demands, “Eunha told Namjoon she wants to break the necklace.”

“So she chose that future…” You confirm. You look down at your hands, the faint glow of the strings illuminating them. There’s nothing you can do now, especially now that she’s already begun the process, “That’s her decision Taehyung, I don’t control her free will.”

“Can’t you change something?!” He asks. 

“You should already know it’s not that simple.” 

“How?! Every time you talk to me, you never talk to me!” He complains.

You’re confused, “What do you mean? I always talk to you.”

“No. You talk at me. There’s a difference.” He explains bitterly, “You don’t think I can handle the truth.”

You shrug, “Well, you can’t.”

“Yes, I can.”

“Can you really?”

“Yes!”

“Well, it doesn’t seem like you can because you never seem to get it through your head!” You yell.

Taehyung scoffs, “And whose fault is that?”

“You think it’s mine?!”

“Well, it’s not for lack of communication on my part!”

“Bullshit!” You curse, “I’ve told you multiple, multiple, multiple times exactly what needed to be done and how things would play out and now it’s up to them and you never listen! You think I’m lying and that I’m working against you, but you don’t even understand how my job works!”

“Like looking at your hands is a big deal.”

“It’s a whole lot more than that and you know it!” Every time you think you’re past this argument, he always brings it back around, “I know you want them to be happy, and you want to keep your promise. I get that, but they can’t go on like this anymore. It’s only a matter of time before they break.”

Taehyung feels defeated. You had told him that you might be able to do something, but from where he’s standing you’re not making any effort at all. You’re just letting them both fall victim to their strings, and ignoring his pleas. It’s like you never really cared in the first place.

Of course, you want to do more, but there’s only so much one can do. Controlling Fate isn’t an option, “I really am sorry, Taehyung, but this is out of our hands.”

A scream rings out through the hallways and it catches the both of you off guard. To you, this is the beginning of the end. For Taehyung, this is his last and final chance.

You meet his eyes and you already know what he’s thinking, “There’s nothing you can do for them, Taehyung.”

“Watch me.”

He bolts, knocking a chair over in the process of running out the door. It catches you off guard, but you have far more tricks up your sleeve.

You travel to the main hall, just outside of the cafe, 10 feet in front of Taehyung who insists on running, “Taehyung, please stop and just listen to me for once.”

“I’m not just going to let this opportunity slip away!” He runs around you and you work fast to get in front of him again.

“Kim Taehyung! Don’t make me hold you down, because I will!” You threaten. You hold your hands out in front of you to block him, “You’re not thinking rationally! Stop behaving like a human!”

“Stop acting like a god!” He yells back, “You may be all-knowing, but you really don’t know as much as you think you do! They still have a small chance, and I’m not going to give up and let them slip through my fingers like you do!”

“Then you leave me no choice.”

You place your hands in front of you and pull them apart to reveal the strings that bind them together. You gently pull your pointer finger back, causing the string to tighten. Taehyung trips over it as another scream rings out through the museum.

He tries to get up, but you pull back again, “What are you doing?!” He yells.

“I’m trying to make this as painless as possible for everyone!” You explain, holding him tight in the chaos of your strings.

Another scream rings out and Taehyung struggles to break himself free, “Eunha needs me! Let me go!”

“You’ll just get hurt if I let you go, Taehyung!” You try to explain. You know how this ends, and you know how devastated he’ll be. You can’t do that to him. He’s been through enough, and this needs to end here and now before anyone else gets hurt. “I’m trying to help you!”

“Then stop trying!” He demands, “That’s how you can help me.”

You know he’s hurting, but you can’t pretend you aren’t hurt by his words, “Fine.” You let him go, but you’re not done yet, “But you’ll be too late.”

You make a fist with both hands and tug hard, a cacophony of sounds echoing down the hall. An entire hoard of museum exhibits have been brought to life and freed, and you let them. Taehyung is appalled, “You promised!”

“I promised I would help and do what I can.” You remind him, “This is the best possible outcome.”

You have good intentions, but Taehyung just can’t see it, “Letting them go through with it?! Breaking the spell! Making them say goodbye?!”

“Goodbye’s aren’t forever.” You know firsthand that this isn’t their end. Their paths most likely will never cross again, but that doesn’t mean they never will. Breaking the spell is the best chance they have at saving any connection they have, “Taehyung, you just have to trust me-”

“I’m done trusting you!” He yells, “Jimin was right, I never should have made that stupid deal! It was all for nothing.” 

He feels stupid and used, but most importantly, he feels betrayed. You promised him, but it was to play against him. He thought you changed, but you’re the same person you’ve always been. Uncaring, cold, and a god.

You’re Fate.

You try not to take his words to heart, but you can’t help it, “Was it really all for nothing?” Taehyung doesn’t say anything, and you feel the uneasiness in the pit of your stomach. You’re both silent.

And so is the museum.

Taehyung’s heart drops when he realizes that the once noisy hall is now bathed in silence, “No-” 

He looks to you for confirmation, and you can’t deny him the truth, “I’m sorry.”

“Eunha!” Taehyung takes off down the hall and disappears into thin air, no doubt to the King’s exhibit. He leaves you standing alone, wondering why doing the right thing has to hurt.

*

*

*

Taehyung never came back down from the 3rd floor exhibit. After Namjoon was officially gone and Eunha was left with the remains of their bond, Taehyung took off to mourn yet another loss. You never saw him leave, and Eunha didn’t say anything on the way out. You can only hope that she doesn’t let this affect her.

You really hope Taehyung will be forgiving.

“He hasn’t come back to the apartment since our fight.” Jimin confirms.

You stare out the window of your office, arms crossed as you scan the street for any sign of the Moon. It’s been 11 days since anyone has seen Taehyung, and you’re really starting to worry about him. 

“Did you check his planet?” You ask.

“He’s not there.” You turn to look at him, ready to ask if he checked the whole planet, but Jimin is 2 steps ahead of you, “I checked both sides.”

“Dammit!” You curse. You raise your hand to hold onto the shining necklace he’d bought you on your outing. You haven’t taken it off since he put it on you, and you’ve found yourself holding onto it to ground you when your strings start to pull you. “Please keep me updated.”

“Yeah…” Jimin looks you over. You’re nervous. Which is strange because the only emotion you ever usually show is anger. He’s seen plenty of humans act this way, and you seem to be genuinely worried about Taehyung. “You really care about him, don’t you?”

“Is that a problem?” You ask, glaring at him. 

He shrugs, shoving his hands in his pockets, “I didn’t peg you for someone with emotions.”

You sigh, “You’ve never had any reason to.” You sit down in your chair and lean back, “I’m sorry about that, by the way.”

“I don’t think it was all that bad. I got to expand my knowledge of humans, experience their cultures, and their unique qualities.” He explains, “Even the pleasurable ones.”

You close your eyes and choose to ignore that last part, “Well, at least you had something good come from it.”

“Hey-” He gets your attention, “I deserved it. You don’t have to regret it. Just promise me you’ll make this up to Taehyung.”

“I will.” You promise.

Jimin nods in approval and turns to leave. On his way out, he bumps into Yoongi, “Well, hello Yoongi~”

“Hi Jimin.” Life greets, unamused by his presence.

You wait for Jimin to leave before you sit up and get to business, “Have you found him?”

“Which one?”

“Taehyung.”

“No.” Your shoulders fall and Yoongi sighs. He sits down across from you, “Give him some time to process this.”

You shake your head, “This is exactly what I was afraid of.”

“You did the right thing.” He assures you.

“It doesn’t feel like it.”

“Just hold out a little longer.” 

“Fine.” You agree. Yoongi has never steered you wrong, so you don’t see why he would now. Holding out a bit more hope won’t hurt you.

“Hoseok and I are almost ready, by the way.” He adds.

“And you’re sure it’ll work?” You ask. Yoongi shrugs, not a very good sign for what you have planned. “Yoongi!”

“There’s a first time for everything!” He argues, “We put our faith in you, now you do the same.”

You really don’t want to chance this blowing up in your face - you know Seowoo would never let you hear the end of it - but this may be the only way to fix everything. You can only hope Yoongi and Hoseok can actually pull it off, “Please don’t make me regret this.”

Yoongi seems to be able to read you mind, “I don’t want to deal with Seowoo just as much as you don’t want to.”

A knock comes from the door, “Excuse me?” Both you and Yoongi turn to see Seokjin standing in your doorway. He seems very apologetic as he looks between the both of you, “Sorry to interrupt, but I was told to come and see you.”

“No problem at all! We’re just finishing up.” You assure the human.

Yoongi stands and brushes off his pants, “I’ll let you know what happens later.” He says goodbye to Seokjin and the greeter bows as he leaves. 

“Have a seat, Seokjin.” You offer, pointing to the chair in front of you. He accepts your offer and you pull open your desk drawer to grab the file you made specifically for him, “I just wanted to start off by saying thank you so much for continuing to be such a hard worker. Every time I see you, you’re engaging our patrons with a smile on your face, and I have received numerous compliments from others about what a wonderful greeter I have at my front door.”

He smiles, “Thank you, ma’am. I really try my best to make our guests happy and feel welcome.”

He’s so humble, and that’s one of the things you like the most about him, “I know, and that’s why I wanted to offer a promotion to you.”

“A promotion?”

“You’ve worked well with us for a few years now, I think a promotion is appropriate. You’re very familiar with Ms. Kang, yes?” You ask, knowing very well that he knows his supervisor.

“Of course! She’s a wonderful supervisor.”

“Well, she wants to retire, and I want you to fill her role.” You explain, “You’re still more than welcome to maintain your position as a greeter with your promotion, but entrance maintenance and customer satisfaction will be left to you.”

“Oh wow...I don’t know what to say.” He admits, taking in the new information.

You nod in understanding, “I don’t need an answer now. Her retirement is a few months away, but I want to put it on the table.”

“Yes! Of course! Thank you!” He struggles to find the right words to express his gratitude, “I would love to take over when she steps down!”

“I’m glad to hear that.” You hand him the file you made, all of the information he’ll be needing tucked away inside, “You’ll be working closely with our curators and our security, so I would start to build those relationships if you haven’t already. But I’m sure you already have.”

He nods, “Yes, ma’am. I’m good friends with a lot of the museum staff.”

“If you need someone to help you, check with Kim Taehyung. He’s very much a people person.” You suggest.

“I will!” He agrees, “I know he’s not here today, but I’ll ask him when he’s done at the river.”

“The river?” You ask.

“He called in again today. He said he hasn’t been feeling himself.” Seokjin explains, “I sent him a text just to check in and he said he just needed some time to think in his favorite spot. His favorite spot is by the river.”

“Yes. I see.” You hum. As much as you’d like to continue your conversation with him, you want - more than anything - to go find Taehyung and talk to him. You fake checking your watch and smile, “I look forward to seeing how you grow, Seokjin, but I’m afraid I need to be on my way to a meeting with a few sponsors.”

“Of course!” He stands and so do you, extending a hand to congratulate him. “Thank you again for this opportunity.”

You nod, “Anything I can do.”

He leaves and you quickly pack your things, walking out of the building to keep up appearances. You make it around the corner to a section of sidewalk completely unlit by streetlights before you travel to the river in search of the moon god. The last time he was here, he’d caused havoc and quite literally trashed whatever was in his path. Your hope is that you’ll find him exactly where you had last time.

You don’t see him in the grass when you first pass by, but taking a second look, you do find him with the water up to his chest and his legs floating in front of him. His eyes are closed and he looks to have blocked out everything around him. He just lays in the quiet, in the water, under the stars.

“Taehyung…” You approach him slowly, coming to the edge of the water, and hesitantly taking a seat. You bring your knees to your chest and wrap your arms around them, “If you’re not careful, then you’ll drift away.”

He sighs, “I’d rather drift away than feel nothing anymore.”

You don’t know what to say to that. He’s in mourning, and you understand that this all must be hard for him. Especially dealing with a loss for a second time. You want to comfort him, but comfort isn’t something you really know how to do.

Of course, Taehyung knows you don’t know what comfort is. That’s all he’s been able to think about since that night at the museum. You tried so hard to keep him away from what was happening to protect him, and he refused to listen. You weren’t lying when you said you were doing what was best for him. 

You weren’t lying about a lot of things.

“Why am I cursed to be the moon? Why must I be so lonely and powerless compared to others?” He asks aloud. You don’t have an answer, and he doesn’t expect one, “Dwarf planets aren’t required to stay with their planets, they don’t require attention. So, why do I have to stay with mine when I have nothing to offer?”

“I don’t know...”

“I’m just the Moon. There’s nothing special about me. I’m just a hopeless romantic ruining the lives of others for my own personal enjoyment.” He’s defeated. He tried so hard. He did everything he possibly could and it still wasn’t enough. “I’m the exact thing I told you I wasn’t.”

Of course, you’ve known how this would inevitably end from the beginning. Whether you were on his side from the start or not, you knew that trying to bring Eunha and Namjoon would end in goodbye for everyone. Of course, there were multiple bad and good outcomes, but this was luckily one of the better ones.

Is he a hopeless romantic? The biggest one you’ve ever seen. 

But was he wrong? You’re not entirely sure. However, if there’s one thing you know for sure, it’s that Taehyung deserves to know the truth.

He deserves to know everything.

“That first time you tried to bring them together-” He turns his head to look at you, “Namjoon still would have died from sickness. It wouldn’t have gone away.” You’d hoped that maybe for once, you wouldn’t be right. If you were lucky, then his necklace would work and he’d feel proud and he’d go home. But you couldn’t let it work just for Namjoon to die. “That’s why I sent the guards in.”

“Why didn’t you tell me then?”

“I thought that if I told you then, that you would’ve tried again.” You say. Thinking about it makes you laugh considering where you are now, “I guess you would’ve tried anyways.”

He sits up in the water and scoots back, “Yeah...I probably would have.”

“Do you remember when Namjoon died and I came to present you to the counsel?” You ask. He nods, “You told me that maybe if I had an ounce of compassion that people would like me better?”

“Yeah...” He had said that to you. It was out of anger and sorrow, and he never did get the chance to apologize for it.

“I think I’d like myself better too.” You admit, “When I was younger and more naive, I always thought I could pull my strings how I pleased. I thought I could do whatever I wanted, and that ended with ruined lives and the deaths of thousands.”

“You? Ruining lives and causing death?” He asks, almost in disbelief.

You nod, “Hui had to stop me before it got too bad, and he introduced me to Hoseok and Yoongi. He had us learn together how to keep balance, and he told me that I couldn’t allow myself to get caught up with one measly human or I’d never treat any of them fairly.” He was right in a way, but he himself has grown more too. “That’s why I’ve been so terrible.”

Taehyung shakes his head, “You’ve been doing your job.”

You scoff, “Some job I have.”

“No one ever said it was easy to do what you do.” He says. You’re shocked to say the least, he’s the last person you would have expected to back you up. But he’s had time to think everything over. “I shouldn’t have said it was. I’m sorry it took me so long.”

“We all have to learn. It’d be easier if it stuck quicker for some.” You tease, earning a laugh from the Moon. He didn’t pick up on the severity of the situation quite as quickly, but maybe he would have if you had been more honest with him. “Actually, you’re familiar with Seokjin, right?”

“Of course! He’s a good friend.”

“He’s one of the first and last strings I ever knotted.”

“Wait, really?” You nod, “Is that why he can never keep a date?”

“It was very early on, humanity had just been created and I was figuring everything out. At the time, I was much more compassionate towards humans.” You explain. You were very much like Taehyung when you first started, but you didn’t stay like that for long. “He liked this girl, and I thought if I just pulled a few strings then they would come together and live happy for the rest of their lives, but-”

He gasps, “Their strings knotted.”

“I tried to fix it. I thought I could tie them back together, but I couldn’t.” You still remember watching Seokjin say goodbye to his destined lover. He was devastated and it was all your fault. He hasn’t run into them since, and you don’t know that he ever will. “I ruined their lives because I couldn’t do my job.”

“You did what you thought was right.” Taehyung assures you, placing a hand on your shoulder to comfort you.

You smile, “So did you.” You lean against his side and rest your head on his shoulder.

Taehyung rests his head on top of yours and sighs, “What are we going to do about Eunha?” 

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?” He asks, surprised, “But she knows.”

“She won’t tell. She’s too busy mourning to worry herself over us.” You seriously doubt she’ll risk telling everyone about the two of you. But still, everything she’s going through right now can’t be easy. “I guess it really isn’t easy to be in love.”

“Love?”

“Love.”

~ Read: Finale ~

#fae fic #sope and shine #sope-and-shine #written in the stars #when world's collide #kth #kim taehyung #taehyung x reader #v x reader #bts x reader #bts v #bts kim taehyung #bts taehyung #moon god taehyung #moon goddess taehyung #bts knj #bts myg #bts ksj #bts jhs #bts pjm #bts jjk #soulmate au #enemies to lovers au #fate reader #x reader #reader insert #fan fiction #fanfiction #kpop x reader #mild language

[abraxos-is-toothless]

The Beauty That Is She

Started this a few weeks back but never finished so I decided I would:) It will be in about 4/5 parts? Maybe a few more if I feel as though it needs it.

This will be about Fenrys and an Original character, but the character’s name came from the books:)

Full Masterlist.

—————

Fenrys was feeling the most relaxed today than he had in weeks, they had all been run ragged with meeting after meeting, everyone wanting to see his Queen about requests for this and requests for that. He loved his Queen he truly did, she’d saved his life. She gave him a home and a family. But damn it if he didn’t want to strangle her sometimes for making him sit through the boring shit every day. Fenrys was glad they finally had a short break from it all since today it was the twins’ twentieth year of life, and he had only been given one order from Rowan this morning. Search all the rutting nooks and crannies of the castle to find his mischievous son. Connall –Aelin had asked him the day their son was born if he’d allow her to name him after his brother, he’d cried (not that he would ever admit that) and said he’d be honoured- was only seventeen and looked exactly like his father but had the same fiery and devious personality as his mother. They could often be seen plotting together in the corner and then be a new plank played on his elder sisters a few days later. The twins –Nehemia and Evalin- always got revenge after going to their father for new ideas.

Connall was meant to be testing his magic with Rowan while the girls trained with their Uncle Aedion, however he would never go the first time you asked and eventually you would have to drag him out to the courtyard, but luckily for Fenrys he knew all of the boys hiding spots. He found him sitting in front of the window of the corridor leading to the Great Hall with his nose buried in a book; Dorian brought him a new one every time he had to visit for boring royal business. “Con? You know it’s your turn to train with your father, the sooner you do it the sooner you can go back to your books.” Once those pine green eyes met his gaze and the boy let out a very audible sigh he chuckled lightly- he was too much like his mother for his own good.

“I’ll never be able to live up to the power he holds so what does it matter if I train or not?”

They had this argument every time and Fenrys’ answer was always the same, “It doesn’t matter if you hold the same power that Rowan does, your parents just want you to learn so you have multiple things to fall back on if you ever get put into harm's way.” Con finally put his book down and agreed to go train as long as he would come and help him too. He said yes, as he always had to each of the kids since the day they were born.

Once they had both stepped out into the courtyard you could hear Aedion’s deep laughter and a war cry from one of the girls from not being able to get the upper hand on him yet. As they got closer Fenrys noticed that his Queen was sitting up in one of the trees, smirking as she watched her girls trying to figure out where they were going wrong. Rowan was stood off to the side with his arms crossed over his chest and a calculating look on his face, and Lysandra was reprimanding her husband whilst rubbing a hand across her swollen belly asking him to ease up on them for a few minutes and as for the girls, they were throwing insults back and forth blaming each other for their screw up. Nehemia was her mother through and through. Looked like her, sassed like her and had even inherited the power of fire. Not a lot of course, but she and Aelin trained with it as much as they could, the Queen knowing from experience what happens when you don’t. Evalin was different from any of them. She looked like Rowan, most likely because of the hair, but she had Aelin’s eyes. Her powers were extraordinary too, being able to bring forth her father's ice and wind, yet she too could master fire.

Rowan had been almost out of his wits when they had realised what she could do, having witnessed Aelin’s power almost destroy her several times. It had taken Lorcan and himself what had felt like days to reassure him that she would be fine, that all three of them would teach her how to stay in control and Aelin would teach her how to disperse little increments, as not to be overloaded by it.

“Rowan, I’ve found your devil spawn, he’s all yours.” With a wink at the boy in question he shoved him by the shoulder towards the magic lecture that awaited him and walked over to lean against the tree that Aelin was currently sat in. Looking up at her he asked “How’re they doing today?” Dragging her eyes from the girls to focus on him she said, “Mia just wants to throw herself head first into the chaos but Lin keeps trying to tell her about the strategies that you taught her.” He grinned then and turned back towards the sparring blondes muttering ‘That’s my girl.’ Eva -the name only he was allowed to call her; she said it was because people always chose ‘Lin’ or ‘Eve’ but he was the first to use ‘Eva’- had always been the sensible one, using that beautiful brain of hers constantly to break down each sparring scenario they were given and trying to find the weak spots of each opponent she was given. Mia on the other hand had inherited her mother’s stubbornness and seemed to favour the teachings of Lorcan whenever he came for training; kill first and ask questions later. Gods, someone needed to start keeping a closer eye on the two of them on Lorcan’s day for lessons. Maybe Elide could chaperone for a change. Lady Lochan despised watching her husband train, so she always says, yet the two would disappear the minute he stopped. But she was the only one that was able to keep him in check, so he would suffer with the scent of the two of them, if only to stop Mia from becoming a terrifying mix of Death and Fire.

After a few hours had passed, Fenrys was watching Connall throw shard after shard of ice for his father to dodge when Eva caught his eye from across the yard and he watched her pull a manoeuvre he’d taught her a few days ago on a clueless Aedion, making him laugh. She turned towards him then, but he froze suddenly as turquoise eyes locked with his. There was a sudden tug on his soul that left him breathless and made his senses feel heightened. She had felt it too it seemed because her sword arm had fallen limp at her side, however the distraction cost her, when Aedion’s blade managed to slice across Eva’s shoulder. He watched her cry out and drop to her knees yet he couldn’t hear anything past the blood rushing in his ears but from the vibrations in his chest he knew he was growling. All eyes were flicking between the wounded female on the floor and him; Rowan had stopped just short of his daughter when he heard Fenrys. He couldn’t focus on anything other than the fact that Eva was hurt and bleeding and that there was a voice in the back of his head that would not stop shouting at him, over and over.

Mate. Mate. Mate.

Of all the people fate had to choose for him, it gave him someone that was very much off limits. Rowan fucking Whitehorn’s daughter. Oh he was so very, very dead. Everything had come back to him now and he could still hear himself growling when he said “Whitehorn. Do. Not. Move.” The threat was stupid of course because that was her god’s damned father, but she was hurt, she was bleeding and Rowan was incredibly close to her and nearly cutting her from his line of sight.

He knew that Rowan knew then, when he caught him scenting the air and turned to look at him but simply stated, “Do not assume to think you have some claim on her because of what has just been revealed, she hasn’t even accepted you yet. She has no idea what this means.”

Aelin had come down from the tree now and was steadily walking towards them, eyes only for her daughter. Eva looked to her mother when she was close enough to kneel at her side and, voice laced with confusion, asking, “What’s happening? What haven’t I accepted? I don’t understand.” Every instinct was screaming at him to go to her, to soothe her and tell her everything was going to be alright, however, as he dared to lift his foot to do just that, Rowan was blocking his path in an instant.

“Please. Please just let me go to her. You know how this feels, just. Please.” There was a hand placed on his shoulder then, as a comfort or a restraint he wasn’t sure.

“Not until she understands.”

Connall was now on the ground by his sister helping her to heal faster with his magic. Mia was looking at them all with confusion and curiosity. Aedion and Lys seemed to be torn between leaving to give them privacy and staying to provide some sort of back up just in case. Not they needed to; he’d never, ever, put her in danger.

“Lin,” Aelin was saying, “I need you to listen to me carefully okay?” A nod for her mother but her eyes were focused on him. “Do you remember the story I told you about when Manon and I fought?”

“You said that when you were trying to get away again, Manon’s friend Asterin shot an arrow that was aimed for you but daddy jumped in front of it.” Eva’s words were a little slow and shaky, probably trying to recall as much of the story as she could. He tried taking another step, growling again when Rowan tightened the grip on his shoulder. He watched as her eyes went wide, and there was a slight twitch of her hand, as if she too wanted to reach out for him.

“And then what did I tell you about that moment?”

Eva’s brows furrowed and he wanted to press his thumb into the spot, smoothing it away. She was beautiful, truly, no matter what she was doing and he wanted to tell her, wanted to breathe the words against her lips, neck, her stomach, and then lower. The last few years, he hadn’t stopped noticing her beauty, and it was difficult at first. She had always been Rowan’s daughter but now, now he didn’t care. Now he just wanted, wanted, wanted.

“You said that you had screamed because in that moment you had felt...you had...he was...” Her eyes widened and her head whipped towards her mother, her breathing ragged and the scent of her filling the air. She was a mix of pine and jasmine, a mix of her parents, and it was the most intoxicating scent. He breathed in deeply as his eyes fluttered for a moment, letting it calm him.

Suddenly, Eva was standing, legs a little wobbly as she walked over to him and tapping Rowan’s arm, silently asking him to move. His brother hesitated but relented and stepped back, taking Aelin’s hand in his own as they watched their daughter. She was right in front of him now, head tilted back to actually look at him and that voice in his mind returned.

Mate. Mate. Mate.

His breath caught in his throat when she lifted one of her hands and stroked from his temple to his jaw, then cupping his cheek gently in her palm. Fenrys let out and unsteady breath and his heart soared when she whispered into the space between them;

“You’re my mate.”

—————

I’ll probably make a little personality thing on each of the kids at some point, just to go into more depth. If you want to be in the tags for this then just let me know!!:))

Tags: @bryaxisthefaceofnightmares @fancyclodpaintercookie @empress-sei @acourtofterrasenandvelaris @tswaney17 @queen-of-glass @thesirenwashere @awkward-avocado-s @b00kworm @http-itsrebecca @eatmysandwiches @poisonous00 @flowersinvegas @julemmaes @mu-si-ca-l @spyofthenightcourt @sis-it-dont-add-up  @mad-madeline-ace​ @df3ndyr @jesstargaryenqueen @notyournymphetish @nightcourtcinnamonroll @acourtofmarauders @rhyswhitethorn @booknerdproblems

#tog #throne of glass #fenrys moonbeam #fenrys x original #aelin galathynius #rowan whitethorn #aedion ashryver #lysandra ennar #original character #-> #evalin #nehemia #connall #all names came from the books #my writing #my fic #haz writes #tog fanfic #tog fic #fanfiction #post koa

[unlockthelore]

What’s In A Name

Distracted from his homework, Yuusuke tries to find a better nickname for Kurama than fox boy.

Part 3 of the Guns and Roses series. For more updates, follow the guns and roses tag on this blog.

Yuusuke had never been that excited to do his classwork even before his death. Attending school had been a chore, and he learned more from the streets than he did stuck behind a desk. Though it did make Keiko happy to see him at the school gates when they couldn’t walk together.

She always beamed at him when he helped her with printouts in the evening. Takenaka was even off his back more than usual but he was always given him those aggravating head nods and slight smiles.

Then there was his mom who let up on her, “You should live somewhere else” routine. Actually, she let up on that whole thing entirely. It was spooking him how often he heard noises in the kitchen and it wasn’t fists being thrown or searching for money hidden in the cupboards. The smell of food making his stomach growl, giving him away as she stole a glance over her should and smiled.

Maybe since he was trying, she would try more too. They were all each other had in the bitter end after all. Shaking thoughts of his mom’s smile from mind, he opened his eyes and gazed at the boy across from him.

No, that wasn’t right.

Minamino Shuuichi wasn’t a boy and he never had been, but he played the part well, sitting with a pencil in his hand and tapping at one line of his Classic Lit homework. His red hair tied up in a messy bun, two long locks framing his face, and Yuusuke could practically see the gears turning in his mind.

The clock on the nightstand was turning six and Yuusuke had long since wore out his break time but Shuuichi — Kurama — didn’t say anything. He figured that he had at least five minutes before he did though which brought him to his next annoyance. Or well, encouragement, he supposed.

Kuwabara was his rivaling some sense of the word and they were always competing. Ever since that bullshit Akashi tried to pull with Okubo’s part time job, Kuwabara took his studying a lot more seriously. And Yuusuke was content to cheer him on from the sidelines after his resurrection.

It was Kurama who muttered that Kuwabara would surpass him and if he tried, he may not want to be top of the class but he could stay on pace with him.

Yuusuke brushed it off immediately but that didn’t stop the youko from tutoring him with Keiko’s help, smiling at him when he did well, and roping his human mother into the whole scheme.

What scheme? The scheme of trying to make him into a model citizen, that’s what. Yuusuke huffed, setting his jaw in the palm of his hand, balancing his pencil on his upper lip. It wasn’t all that bad — but it was unusual. Having all of them on him constantly. Although they were kinda hands off so he wouldn’t get spooked, it was still weird.

Glancing down at his own Classic Lit homework, he huffed. The #1 Delinquent of Sarayashiki doing homework at six on a Tuesday, unbelievable.

“Something on your mind, Yuusuke?” Kurama asked, amusement laced into his words and his eyes bright with mischief. “You’re like a man with a thousand faces. It’s a bit hard to keep up.”

Yuusuke huffed, setting his pencil down and spinning it beneath his index finger. “Don’t worry about it, fox boy.”

Kurama hummed at the name and watched him for a moment longer. Yuusuke refused to pale or squirm under his gaze but it was weird. Reflexively, he wanted to ask what Kurama was looking at. But trying to intimidate him was like trying to level a building.

Wasn’t happening anytime soon.

Eventually, a quiet amused huff told Yuusuke that it was alright to look up. Kurama’s attention returned to his work, the corner of his lips curled in a soft smile. His pencil’s lead scratching across the paper as he wrote down his answer, somehow making even that movement graceful. Yuusuke’s lips tugged in a slight pout, eyes narrowing at the youko as he worked.

The thought crossed his mind to wonder if it was too creepy that he was examining Kurama’s face, trying to commit every detail to memory of how at ease he was now. Compared to how sullen he’d been on the hospital rooftop, awaiting death while trying to communicate his life story as succinct as it was told. There were mysteries to him that Yuusuke was sure he wouldn’t figure out in one lifetime or two.

And all he could think to do was call him fox boy after they narrowly avoided death for not only the first but the second time. The nickname did get a reaction out of him then, confusion if not a bit of exasperated humor. Yuusuke smile, though it didn’t reach his eyes. Remembering Kurama crumpled to the ground, crimson red staining the jacket of his uniform as Hiei stumbled backward clawing at his eye in pain.

At that moment, seeing him try to put on a smile and assure him that he was fine, fox boy didn’t seem like a good descriptor. Pushing his Classic Lit homework aside, Yuusuke focused all his attention on Kurama and narrowed his eyes as he thought it over.

“Mm…” He tipped his head to one side, his cheek pressed against his palm. “Babe?”

Kurama’s pencil continued moving, his attention locked on the next few sentences he was trying to translate. A distracted hum the only indicator that he heard Yuusuke at all. Without him looking, it was easier for Yuusuke to smile adoringly. Kurama was kind of cute when he was thinking.

Which meant he must be cute all the time since he did anything but think.

“Just seeing which ones work,” Yuusuke explained, tucking his hand against his elbow as he crossed his arms atop the table. Shimmying forward to look at Kurama closely. A lot of mysteries, someone who was beautiful on the outside, deadly but so nice that you just had to get close.

“… What about…” Yuusuke tipped his head to one side, tasting the word on his lips and rolling it around like the filter of one of his cigarettes. “Rose?”

Kurama’s hand veered off the paper, a long dark line marring the paper as his pencil lead snapped. Yuusuke’s eyes widened. A deep scarlet blooming across Kurama’s cheeks, making his features seem softer than usual, his eyes widened with surprise and sparkling. With his hair tied up, Yuusuke could see the tips of his ears turning red and his own heart fluttered.

It wasn’t everyday Kurama was flustered.

“For real?” Yuusuke gaped, breaking the silence between them. “That’s the one?”

Kurama quickly averted his gaze, his rose-colored cheeks darkening. “… You are unbearable sometimes.”

“Aw c’mon, you like me,” Yuusuke said cheekily, propping his elbow up and resting his cheek in hand, waiting until Kurama huffed to drop the final nail in the coffin. “Rose.”

Yuusuke was absolutely giddy with how dark the blush had gotten. Kurama pressing his hand against his mouth to hide the curl of his smile, his pencil abandoned on top of his open notebook.

“I suppose I do…” He said cooly, glancing at Yuusuke from the corner of his eye before looking away.

The distance between them felt too great. Yuusuke pushing up from where he sat, his knee banging against the table in his haste to round the table to Kurama’s side. The youko shifted slightly, lowering his hand and turning his face away, his back to Yuusuke as the detective sat behind him and drew him closer. His chest pressed to Kurama’s back and arms wound around his shoulders.

“Suppose?” Yuusuke said softly into his ear, his cheek pressed against Kurama’s own.

The tension in the line of his shoulders eased as he leant back against Yuusuke, nuzzling against his cheek. “…I do,” Kurama muttered after a moment of silence, Yuusuke holding him tighter in response.

His cheek felt so warm and Yuusuke could smell wildflowers, a bit of rain, and honey. It was distinct. Something he wouldn’t expect from anyone else. Only him. And so damn comforting that he couldn’t help but hug Kurama as close as possible, peeking over his shoulder at the sentences.

“There’s a million roses in the world,” Yuusuke muttered, the hitch of Kurama’s breath at the recitation of the quote spurring him to continue. “But none like mine.”

Kurama’s hand rested on top of his arm, and Yuusuke pressed his lips against the youko’s temple, holding there without a word.

“You’re quite the romantic.”

“Yeah? Well, don’t tell anybody…”

Kurama’s chuckle was deep and rumbling. Yuusuke closing his eyes for a bit to savor the sound as he felt a kiss to his cheek.

“It’ll be our secret,” Kurama whispered reverently to his ear, a shiver running down Yuusuke’s spine as he pressed a smile against Kurama’s shoulder. “Besides, I’d prefer to be selfish and keep it to myself.”

Yuusuke chuckled, remembering the spiel about him being a master thief. Who knew how much stuff he stole and how much of it he kept? And if Kurama was gonna treat him like a treasure. Well, what was the harm in that?

Squeezing his shoulder playfully, Yuusuke glanced at him from the corner of his eye. “How can I say no?”

#yu yu hakusho #yyh #kurameshi #kurama #yusuke urameshi #guns and roses

[lilshoroscope]

Everybody Knows Part 5

Hiya everybody! The long awaited Chapter 5 is here!!! Don’t die of excitement, please.

I worked really hard on this, so please like and reblog!!!!!

Warnings: Swearing, fluff. Fluff. FLUFF.

A/N: Guys, we are almost at 100 followers!!!!!!! Please remember to like and reblog, and send me asks of what you want to happen next.

Song: Inspired by Back to You by Selena Gomez and Human by Christina Perri

It means so much that everyone reads this story, I wrote it as a means to escape and now it’s become big and omg it makes my heart soar x

Onto the story!!!

The soft morning light light streamed through the blinds as you slowly stirred, twisted around as you stretched. You sat up, immediately clutch your head, groaning as pain spiked throughout every region of your brain.

You quickly looked around, taking stock of your surroundings. One thing was for sure- you were not at Freddie’s. So where were you? You scanned your alcohol ravaged memory, trying to pice together a coherent thought. You remembered a pub, a car park, 2 bottles of vodka - shit, that would explain the hangover- and a pair of the most beautiful eyes you had ever seen. Suddenly the room shifted in your brain- you recognised the posters, the bedcovers- even that stupid music notebook you gave him two years ago laid on the bedside table, stuffed to the brim with budding sings and works of art.

You leaped our, ignoring the stabbing in your head as you ran out into the sitting room of the house you knew so well.

Shit. Shitty shit shit shit shit.

‘Hey.’ A soft voice said as you looked around wildly. You spun around, seeing Roger in a dressing gown, holding out a glass of water and two panadol tablets.

‘This will help with your hangover.’

‘What the actual FUCK am I doing here? I swear to god if we-‘

‘Whoa, whoa, whoa. To answer the question that I know you’re thinking- no, we did not fuck. I found you in a car park, completely wasted, so against my better judgement I brought you here so you didn’t collapse and drink yourself to death.’

Your gaze softened without even meaning to. ‘But..... Where did you sleep?’

He pointed to the leather couch, which was covered in blankets and pillows. ‘I slept on the couch. Now take the goddamn Panadol before I shove it down your throat.’ He threatened, shoving them in your face. You groaned and obliged, quickly sculling the water as if it was the desert and you hadn’t drank anything in days. God, you needed that.

‘Now, I can’t cook, but I can make tea. Ya want some?’ Roger said, getting two mugs out of the cupboard.

‘Why are you being so nice to me?’ You blurted. You clapped your hand around your mouth, eyes widening. Shit. You thought you only said that in your head.

‘Because, 1) Above all else, you are my friend, and friends help each other out, and 2) because I was a stupid dick and I couldn’t keep it in my pants and because of that I lost the best thing that ever happened to me.’

Your mouth opened as your jaw dropped, catching flies. Well, that was unexpected.

‘Rog, that doesn’t change the fact that you cheated on me. It’s over.’

He rolled his eyes, pouring hot water into the chopped cups. ‘I know. And I’m really sorry- but I know I can’t make it better. But do you really think I’m that much of a dick that I would leave my friend out in the world, completely shitfaced? I’m not that much of an asshole, Y/N.’

You sighed, taking the tea he offered you. You took a sip, a small smile gracing your lips as you realised he made it just the way you liked it. Slowly looking over the rim of your cup, you surveyed his tired face. It was these unguarded moments, the ones where all the filters disappeared, when you really saw the person. They dropped the mask- sometimes unintentionally- and it was then and only then that you could observe their true nature. Everyone puts up a filter. Whether it be their words, their emotions, their feelings. But sometimes, just sometimes, you could catch a glimpse of someone unfiltered- if you were lucky.

So you studied his face. He didn’t look like he usually did- cocky, arrogant and deranged. Instead, he looked.... tired. Exhausted. As if the weight of the world was crashing down on his shoulder and he couldn’t shake the weight off.

You lifted your hand, subconsciously bringing his face towards you. You studied his expression, and then, and only then, did you notice the fading bruise on his face. You lightly brushed the purple stain with your fingertips, feeling his shiver beneath your touch. You caressed it, completely forgetting that you weren’t in a relationship. His eyes bored into you as your breath hitched in your throat, the cup of tea forgotten as you gazed into each other’s eyes.

‘D- did Deaky do this?’ You asked breathlessly, breaking the spell.

‘Yeah- but to be fair, I deserved it.’ He whispered, lowering his gaze.

‘I’d drink to that.’

‘No! I don’t want you getting drunk again. Speaking of which, you must be dying in that dress. I think I have some old clothes of yours in my room- just have a look around, I never got around to moving them. Now go and have a shower- you stink.’

You shook your head, bringing yourself back to reality. You were broken up and he was looking after you- no feelings whatsoever.

You sighed, standing up and putting your cup on the counter. ‘Okay, thanks. I’ll be right back.’ You scurried off into his bedroom, hiding your blushing face.

He busied himself with cleaning up, trying to distract his aching heart that constantly lingered on you- Y/N L/N, the one that got away. He heard the water being turned off but only registered it when you walked out, your wet hair in a towel and wearing a pair of pyjama pants and- was that his Led Zeppelin top?

You noticed him staring and blushed, your face flushing a pleasant shade of pink. You wrapped your arms around yourself- why? Roger wondered- as you stammered an apology.

‘I couldn’t find my tops and these were all I could find and so I grabbed your shirt- I hope that’s okay.’

He reluctantly tore his eyes away from you, trying to look anywhere but at you. God, you were so beautiful.

‘It’s- it’s okay, keep it. It always looked better on you anyway.’

You shook your head, eyes widening. ‘No, no, I couldn’t possibly do that. It’s your shirt and I shouldn’t and, ugh, I’m so sorry, my head still hurts so I’m still a bit fuzzy and-‘

Roger rolled his eyes, tired of your nervous blabbering. He took a quick step forward, coming so close that if you moved even an inch, you would end up kissing. Your breathing stopped- it was if the world instead had frozen as you stared into each other’s eyes, all previous thoughts forgotten. Was this a fantasy? Was this the real life? Or was this just another figment of your imagination running wild and untamed.

‘Look, I’m so sorry, but I just needed the top-‘ you started to apologise, but we’re cut off by the soft feel of his lips on yours. They were sweet, almost hesitant as you instinctively kissed back, winding your fingers through his hair, winding your fingers through his fluffy golden hair as he gripped your waist gently, still kissing you.

He was the one who broke away, gasping for air. You looked at him, your mouth opening as you realised what you just did.

‘No. No no no nononononononononono. I can’t do this!! We broke up, Rog. No!’ You cried, running into the bathroom, slamming the door and sliding down it as you touched your lips, feeling the ghost of his kiss still touch you.

Fuck. No matter how hard you tried to deny it, to say that it couldn’t- wouldn’t- happen, it still was there.

You, Y/N L/N, were still completely and utterly in love with Roger Meddows Taylor, drummer from Queen.

Ask to be on my taglist!!

@mxrcury-love @will-ptx @dreamer821 @marequeenii @mrsmazzello @11mb0 @rogerlad

So sorry if I forgot anyone! I’m very sleep deprived atm heh

#john deacon x reader #brian may #queen x reader #ben hardy #roger taylor #bohemian rhapsody #joe mazzello #brian may x reader #roger taylor x reader #john deacon #qwilym lee #rami malek #disco deaky

[helluvapilotgriff]

Rebel Lullaby - Poe Dameron x Reader

Chapter 1 - New Responsibilities

Part 2

Being a princess in the Resistance was sometimes really fucking hard and you would gladly pass this job on someone else. Having to deal with your parents’ expectations and disappointment, having to constantly prove yourself to others, to convince them (and yourself) that you weren’t Commander just because of your parents and that you deserved to be here, but also the fact that you had to prepare to rule over your planet when the time comes (which you weren’t ready for, at all). Really your life was just a mess, and if you succeeded to hide it from others, sometimes you just felt like doing a Luke Skywalker and isolate yourself from people and responsibilities to be at peace for once. You just had so much things to think about…

« Hey babe, I heard you got some news for me? »

Oh. And there was just one more tiny problem.

« Don’t. Call. Me. Babe. » you hissed at him between your teeth.

« Aw, sweetheart, don’t get mad. You know I can’t resist it when I see you, have some pity for the common people », he replied in an innocent voice, a big smile on his stupid face.

You felt red rising on your cheeks, both from embarrassment and anger. This man was just so infuriating. He loved to parade around you with his gorgeous face and making everybody love him so when you tried to say something about his arrogance or stupidity nobody would agree with you because « you were too harsh with him, he’s the greatest pilot in the Resistance, and I don’t understand why you don’t like him… bla bla bla ». Well okay, he wasn’t stupid, just extremely reckless and devoid of all notions that came close to self control and obedience when he was seated in his X-Wing. You could agree on the fact that he was a good pilot, but sticking to the plan and following orders seemed to be above him.

« Commander Dameron, leave (Y/N) alone, and bring your ass over here », General Organa called from the other side of the command room. *

He left your side with a wink and you rolled your eyes, and decided to read some reports until Generel Organa was finished with instructions for the next mission to come.

Really, you didn’t hate Poe, it was just… He was a lot to deal with. This poster boy was sometimes too much for you, seeing as you didn’t know how to respond to his flirting, and him being a kind person but also some other time being able to get on your nerves… He was an enigma and you didn’t know the answer. So you did the only thing you know how to do: you pushed him away. You didn’t have time to figure out if his flirting was genuine or if he did that with everyone else, if you could have feelings for him, how to be friend with such a person with an aura like he had… You had responsibilities, more than most people here, and feelings were out of the equation. So you pretended to « hate » him (but really no one was buying it) to keep him away, and you didn’t seem to do a good job of that either. He apparently had invented a new game to entertain himself: How Long Can I Tease (Y/N) Until General Organa Decides To Intervene. Seemed pretty fun if you weren’t, well, at the center of this stupid game.

« You know, I always had a thing for pilots too. »

You jumped from your sit. « For heaven’s sake General, don’t do that to me! »

Leia was apparently finished with assigning tasks, and she just had scared you to death. You suddenly realized what she had just said.

« And I don’t have a thing for pilots », you retorted indignantly.

« Sure. Pay attention, you drop your defenses and one morning you wake up with a baby in your belly. Trust me, I’m speaking from experience ». She was obviously enjoying this.

« Don’t you worry, a baby isn’t exactly what I’m planning for the future for now. And especially not with Poe Dameron. »

A baby with Poe Dameron. You laughed in your head. Yeah, like this is going to happen.

« Now, for the next mission. You’ll be part of it. » Leia said, changing the subject completely.

« … What? Seriously? » You were astonished. You were trying to convince her for months, even years to let you go on a mission, but she always brought up the subject of your safety and how it would be disastrous if you would perish, leaving your parents without an heir and practically offering the control of your planet to the First Order.

« Yes, seriously. This is a mission only you can accomplish. Well, I can, but it’s time you make yourself known to the political world, and this is your chance. You are going to Coruscant to try and talk to potential allies to and convince them to associate with the Resistance. We are going short on supplies and budget, we need new alliances. That’s where you play your role. »

« But… Are you sure about this? I mean, I’ve never done this before, isn’t it a bit risky to send me for such an important task? I could blow this up… I would never forget myself… »

« Shh, I don’t want to hear about your insecurities. You have been trained long enough and now is the time for practice. Trust me (Y/N), I know that this is a crucial mission for our future, and I wouldn’t choose you if I weren’t sure you could do this. I trust you and your abilities. You have proved over time that you were very eloquent and charming if you really wanted something. I’m going to need you to act on this charm. Politicians are not fools. They know that our business is risky. You need to convince them that our chances are high enough for them to engage with us. Do you understand? »

« I… I do. I’ll do my best. »

« Great. That’s what I want to hear. Be careful (Y/N), politics isn’t a world for insecure people and you have to fight to have your voice heard. This is harsh, but that’s how it is. You are a fierce and competent woman (Y/N), trust yourself », she said more gently, laying a hand on your shoulder.

This physical contact eased you a little. You weren’t excepting this at all, and this sudden responsibility scared you, you couldn’t deny it. You had watched Leia at work for a few years now, and you knew how the game was played, but to do it yourself instead of watching silently in the back… It was something else entirely. You knew that someday you would have to do this, to enter the political world, as a princess in this galaxy, but you didn’t imagine that it would be so close. And now it was time. You breathed heavily, and looked your mentor in the eyes.

« I can do this. You can trust me, I’ll do whatever I can to help the Resistance. »

The General smiled gently at you, even motherly, and you smiled back. In fact, you considered her more like your mother than the one who actually gave birth to you. You loved your biological mother, of course, but it was a distant love. You sometimes felt you didn’t really know her, and it pained you. But your father was not the type to accept any kind of emotions in his house. As royalty, he considered him and his family to have to act like some kind of robots, even though droids had proven themselves to show more emotions than him. Needless to say that you joining the Resistance was a huge disappointment for him. But you were used to that.  

You suddenly felt yourself pulled into the arms of the General, as she gave you a hug.

« I am so proud of the woman you’ve become, (Y/N) ».

You could feel the emotion in her voice, and your eyes started to fog up as the tears were threatening to fall. You suddenly felt very emotional.

« I learned from the best, General. »

You both smiled at each other fondly, a rare moment of tenderness in this everlasting war. The General recomposed herself, and she picked up a data pad from the table next to you, handing it to you.

« So, the most important things you need to know are in there, I expect you to read all of this before your departure, which will be in two days. Take the strict minimum, everything you’re going to need will be awaiting you in Coruscant. You will be staying at a friend’s of mine, I trust her completely and she will treat you well. Now, I already talked with Poe, and he will gladly accompany you all the way there and he will be your protector. He has his own mission in Coruscant, you will see this with him… »

« Wait, what? » you interrupted her. « I’m going with Poe Dameron? »

You couldn’t believe it. You couldn’t be going with him. You didn’t need something to distract you from your mission and that’s something he would certainly do, consciously or not.

« Yes, you are. I know of your little prejudices about him but he’s the best pilot I can offer you and I trust him as much as I trust you, so I expect you to do the same. You will have to work on your disagreements with him, and quick, because you are both my best elements. Do you understand? »

You fumed internally. He was going to ruin everything. But you clearly had no choice.

« I understant, General. »

« Good. Now, go prepare yourself and enjoy your friends, you aren’t going to see them for a while. »

« Yes, General. »

You saluted her and left the command room to go back to your room. You needed time to yourself to think about everything that you just learned. You were walking rapidly, your head down, deep in thoughts, when you heard a voice calling for you.

« Hey, (Y/N)! So you heard the good news? »

Sooo, yeah.

This is my first story ever written, so, you know, be gentle with me. 

No but seriously, I would love to know what you think about this and if you want more, so please let me know!

(p.s.: i’m french so sorry if there are mistakes, i try to improve my english everyday)

#star wars imagine #star wars x reader #poe dameron imagine #poe dameron imagines #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron fic #my works

[letterfromtrenwith]

Six Fics - George & Elizabeth

Six fics for @upstartpoodle and @enyses

First Kiss, Underwater, Children, Regency, Mirror, Last Thoughts

Send me a character/pairing and I’ll write a minific on each of the prompts

~

First Kiss Flowers petals swirled around them as they stepped out of the church into the sunshine, the bells ringing out behind them, well-wishers smiling and clapping. George smiled at her, pure adoration in his eyes. It touched her, cutting through whatever other unwelcome feelings might have been trying to encroach. The guests looked at them as they stood upon the step. Elizabeth knew what they were expecting.

As he had bid her goodbye the previous evening, George had – almost timidly – pressed a kiss to her cheek, the most intimate they had ever been. She had been surprised by how deeply that barest of touches had affected her. Now, he glanced at her, questioning, silently asking her permission. Of course she would grant it – she was his wife now, and she intended to be a true wife in every way.

So, she met those entrancing eyes of his and smiled, leaning in. His lips were surprisingly soft, his kiss incredibly gentle. It was chaste, of course, they were in public after all; but, for just that brief moment, and for the first time in she did not know how long, Elizabeth lost herself to tenderness.

Underwater It was like coming up for air, breaking the surface of a sea she did not realise she had been submerged in. After Francis’ death, she had been forced, by both her own grief and by what society expected of a widow, into a sort of shadow world.  A murky, dull place, devoid of light and laughter. Her son was her only source of happiness, but even he had sometimes only reminded her of what she had lost – his father, her husband, the chance for more children.

No matter what…difficulties had preceded it, her second marriage had gradually, bit by bit, drawn her out of this peculiar exile. Gone were her dark clothes, the oppressive silence of a house in morning. There instead was the laughter of her baby, the smile of her eldest child as he played with his governess, the trill of her harp strings played for the first time in months.

She took pleasure in small things again – a spray of baby’s breath picked from the gardens, the soft linen of a new shift, the bittersweet flavour of a morning cup of coffee. Her dulled, dampened emotions came back to life – happiness, affection, passion, love.

The waters had parted over her and she had emerged back into the light.

Children “Are feeling quite well, my dear?”

Elizabeth started a little as George spoke to her and he frowned. She had seemed oddly distracted these past few days, and it concerned him. After dinner, she had excused herself, saying she wished to bathe before bed. George had left her be, but retired early to await her. When she came into the bedroom, damp hair bound up with a strip of linen, wrapped in her bed robe – although an old green one, not the new  embroidered blue silk he had bought for her – she looked pensive, even a little melancholy. It worried him.

“Elizabeth? Is something the matter?” He made to get up from the bed but she shook her head, coming to join him, curling up next to him against the pillows.

“Nothing. There is nothing the matter.” She gave a small smile. It was genuine enough, but there was still something behind it. George laid his hand gently over hers, where she toyed with the edge of her robe. She interlinked their fingers.

“Elizabeth. Tell me, please.”

“It is silly. It is only it is my – my monthly – “ George made a small noise of understanding. He should have realised – she often found a bath especially soothing during these times.

“And it is troubling you?”

“No, no, it is not that. It is just that, I had been wondering if I was with child again…but it seems I am not.” She smiled again, a little sadly this time.

“Oh, my dear. I am sorry.” He shifted, inviting her closer, and she cuddled into his side; he wrapped an arm around her, rubbing her arm soothingly. “It is quite soon, after all.”

Their youngest children, twin daughters Clare and Susannah, were not yet nine months old, and they had come less than eighteen months after their elder sister.

“Oh, I know. I’m being foolish.”

“Not at all, my dear. Do you wish for more children?”

“Yes. Very much so. But I know it is possible there will not be more. I was not young when we married and now – “

“Oh, Elizabeth, do not say you are old. If you are old, then I am quite ancient!” His light jest had the intended effect, and she made a soft noise of amusement.

“Do you wish for more children?” She looked up at him, her soft eyes wide. He bent his head to kiss her forehead.

“Of course, my dear. A dozen if you wish!” Elizabeth laughed properly this time.

“A dozen, indeed? Well, if that is case…” She bit her lip. “When I am feeling quite myself again, we shall have to work very hard at it!”

Regency “Papa. The newspaper says we are to have new King. Is that true?”  George raised his eyebrows at his eldest daughter over his teacup. At thirteen, Ursula was precociously intelligent – perpetually curious about the world around her. She took somewhat after her elder brothers in that respect, but even they had not been prone to stealing their father’s newspaper of a morning. George caught Elizabeth’s eye and she smiled before turning to help their youngest child, Flora, only four, tear off a piece of her toast.

“In a way, my dear.” He knew she would not be satisfied with that answer, and indeed she wasn’t.

“Even though King George is still alive?”

“Cousin Loveday says the King is mad.” Clare piped up. At eleven, she put great stock in the wisdom of her elder cousin.

“Aunt Wenna said he’s not mad, he’s unwell, and very sad because Princess Amelia died.” Clare’s twin, Susannah, argued.

“Being sad doesn’t mean he can’t be King! And besides, Valentine says the Prince of Wales is a fat idiot.”

“Ursula!” George hid his smile behind his cup as Elizabeth admonished their daughter. The other children giggled and their mother shook her head with a sigh. No doubt Valentine had given his verdict on the soon to be Prince Regent in one of his letters from school, Ursula being his most frequent correspondent. George privately rather agreed with his son’s assessment, having been introduced to the Prince on a visit to London several years previously.

“Your Aunt is right.” Elizabeth continued, pouring some milky tea for Flora, who slurped at it happily, entirely uninterested in matters of state. “The King is very ill – he has been for many years, since your Papa and I were young, even. Now, it is too difficult for him to perform his duties, and he must rest, so the Prince is going to look after things for him.”

“That’s right. Just like if something happened which meant I was unable to look after the Bank anymore, Geoffrey Charles would do so in my place…Not that that is likely, of course.” George rushed to the reassurance, seeing the worried looks cross his older daughters’ faces at the mention of anything happening to him. Ursula’s immediately turned to a puzzled frown, however.

“Geoffrey Charles? Not Valentine?”

“Valentine is not old enough, but of course he will inherit one day, just like Geoffrey Charles inherited his father’s estate.” The very house they all now lived in. George and Elizabeth had prepared to move back to Cardew once Geoffrey Charles came of age, but he had insisted he did not want to live at Trenwith alone, nor make the younger children leave the house they had been born in, and so they remained.

“Would Geoffrey Charles come home then?” Their youngest son, Nicholas, only eight, had seemed much more interested in his porridge than their discussion before now, but had looked up at the mention of his idolised elder brother, who was currently fighting on the Continent.

“Geoffrey Charles will come home soon. He said so in his last letter.” Elizabeth soothed, but she and George exchanged another glance, this one sadder than the first. They worried constantly about him, and his communications were sporadic, but they could never burden the children with their concerns.

“Now!” George decided a change of subject was in order. “That’s enough about princes and regencies, get off to your morning lessons, all of you. Go on, shoo!”

The four eldest departed with only minor grumbling, Ursula tucking the infernal newspaper under her arm as she went.

“I’m going to stop getting that.” George muttered and Elizabeth laughed, lifting Flora onto her lap.

“Do not deny that you are pleased to have such clever children.”

“Oh, of course I am, my dear. But I am getting too old for politics at the breakfast table!”

Mirror George only caught a glimpse of her in the reflection – a flash of white over his shoulder, like a fleeting spirit – before she wrapped her arms around him from behind, holding him tightly.

“What are you doing sneaking about in here?”

“I could ask you the same thing, my dear.” He felt Elizabeth’s huff of amusement against the back of his neck. She pressed her face into his soft material of his shirt and he covered her hands with one of his. “I am back very late; I did not want to wake you. I thought it best if I slept in here tonight.”

“Best for whom? Your poor wife, who has laid alone in a cold, empty bed this past week?” Her words might have sounded plaintive, but her tone was teasing and he could see her mouth curving in a smile as she propped her head on his shoulder and their eyes finally met in the mirror. Despite her playfulness, he could see that Elizabeth was tired. He hoped she had not been sitting up waiting for him.

She turned, touching her face gently to his, closing her eyes. George studied her in the glass – the fine arch of her cheekbone, her full lips, the soft curls of hair falling over her face. She was so very beautiful. How he missed her when he was not at home, more and more every time he was away.

Where once he had relished the demands of his work, he now often found himself resenting them for how they took him away from his home, his family and, of course, his wife.

“Every time you go away, I swear to myself that when you return, I shall forbid you from ever leaving again.”  It was almost as if she had read his thoughts. He turned in her arms, away from the mirror at last, lifting a hand to touch her cheek.

“And do you forbid it?” Neither of them spoke entirely seriously, but George knew that if she said ‘yes’ and meant it, he would contrive every way he could to obey her. Elizabeth cocked her head to one side, as if considering, but her eyes sparkled.

“Hmm…no, I do not think so.” Still holding him close, she leant forward to brush the lightest and most tantalising of kisses over his lips, barely pulling back before she spoke again. “For if I do not let you leave, I should be forever denied the pleasure of a reunion.”

Last Thoughts It had all happened so quickly. The magistrate’s court sat in judgement of an assault – some altercation between a pair of feuding families with a long history of dispute. It had been a fractious trial, relatives of the accused and the alleged victim making a nuisance of themselves. George had had to threaten them with removal several times.

Then, there had been a particularly vociferous objection to a piece of evidence, someone had jumped to their feet, and another to meet them. The constables had moved in, and chaos had ensued, men shouting and brawling, benches clattering over, until suddenly – an unmistakable crack. A pistol shot. The whole room froze – a bizarre tableaux centred around two men: the man with the gun, and the constable forcing his hand away. Towards the bench.

George had stood in the heat of the tussle, attempting to call for some order, and was about to look around to see where the shot had hit when a woman screamed, pointing directly at him. He glanced down at himself and found that he could not comprehend what he was seeing, the blood spreading across his chest.

Everything blurred after that – the room tilted and George could not follow what was happening. He was no longer standing up, but he was being moved; there were hands touching him, grasping his arms and legs, pressing on his shoulder, which hurt. He could not tell them it hurt, could not say anything.

A man was speaking to him, a voice he recognised – not panicked, but questioning, urgent. He could not understand it. He felt a thud, something hard against his back, and then more voices, people clustered around him, their shapes indistinct. Out of the corner of his eyes, he glimpsed something – a woman, dark hair, a blue dress.

Elizabeth.

He tried to call for her, to reach for her, but his body would not co-operate. The pain in his shoulder was worse, and he could feel himself slipping, but he grasped at the thought of his wife, fought to hold onto it. To keep her face in his mind, to conjure up the sound of her voice, the touch of her hand.

Please, he thought, as his vision began to grey. Please let me see her again.    

#poldark #george warleggan #elizabeth warleggan #george x elizabeth #fic #f: ge #m: fic

[theadmiringbog]

*wakes up and looks at phone* ah let’s see what fresh horrors await me on the fresh horrors device 

–@MISSOKISTIC IN A TWEET ON NOVEMBER 10, 2016

--

A more recent project that acts in a similar spirit is Scott Polach’s Applause Encouraged, which happened at Cabrillo National Monument in San Diego in 2015. On a cliff overlooking the sea, forty-five minutes before the sunset, a greeter checked guests in to an area of foldout seats formally cordoned off with red rope. They were ushered to their seats and reminded not to take photos. They watched the sunset, and when it finished, they applauded. Refreshments were served afterward. 

—                 

Bird-watching is the opposite of looking something up online.                 

--

They write: If you can have your time and work and live and be a person, then the question you’re faced with every day isn’t, Do I really have to go to work today? but, How do I contribute to this thing called life? What can I do today to benefit my family, my company, myself? 

To me, “company” doesn’t belong in that sentence. Even if you love your job! Unless there’s something specifically about you or your job that requires it, there is nothing to be admired about being constantly connected, constantly potentially productive the second you open your eyes in the morning—and in my opinion, no one should accept this, not now, not ever.                 

--

Audre Lorde meant it in the 1980s, when she said that “[c]aring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”                

--

As Gabrielle Moss, author of Glop: Nontoxic, Expensive Ideas That Will Make You Look Ridiculous and Feel Pretentious (a book parodying goop, Gwyneth Paltrow’s high-priced wellness empire), put it: self-care “is poised to be wrenched away from activists and turned into an excuse to buy an expensive bath oil.”                

--

Thinking about sensitivity reminds me of a monthlong artist residency I once attended with two other artists in an extremely remote location in the Sierra Nevada. There wasn’t much to do at night, so one of the artists and I would sometimes sit on the roof and watch the sunset. She was Catholic and from the Midwest; I’m sort of the quintessential California atheist. I have really fond memories of the languid, meandering conversations we had up there about science and religion. And what strikes me is that neither of us ever convinced the other—that wasn’t the point—but we listened to each other, and we did each come away different, with a more nuanced understanding of the other person’s position.                

--

The life force is concerned with cyclicality, care, and regeneration; the death force sounds to me a lot like “disrupt.” Obviously, some amount of both is necessary, but one is routinely valorized, not to mention masculinized, while the other goes unrecognized because it has no part in “progress.”                

--

Certain people would like to use technology to live longer, or forever. Ironically, this desire perfectly illustrates the death drive at play in the “Manifesto of Maintenance Art” (“separation, individuality, Avant-Garde par excellence; to follow one’s own path—do your own thing; dynamic change”)30. To such people I humbly propose a far more parsimonious way to live forever: to exit the trajectory of productive time, so that a single moment might open almost to infinity. As John Muir once said, “Longest is the life that contains the largest amount of time-effacing enjoyment.”               

--

Poswolsky writes of their initial discovery: “I think we also found the answer to the universe, which was, quite simply: just spend more time with your friends.”                

--

... he said, with an epiphany he had while accompanying a fellow clergyman on a trip to Louisville: 

In Louisville, at the corner of Fourth and Walnut, in the center of the shopping district, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that I loved all these people, that they were mine and I theirs, that we could not be alien to one another even though we were total strangers. It was like waking from a dream of separateness, of spurious self-isolation in a special world, the world of renunciation and supposed holiness.       

--

My most-liked Facebook post of all time was an anti-Trump screed. In my opinion, this kind of hyper-accelerated expression on social media is not exactly helpful (not to mention the huge amount of value it produces for Facebook). It’s not a form of communication driven by reflection and reason, but rather a reaction driven by fear and anger. 

Obviously these feelings are warranted, but their expression on social media so often feels like firecrackers setting off other firecrackers in a very small room that soon gets filled with smoke.                

--

Our aimless and desperate expressions on these platforms don’t do much for us, but they are hugely lucrative for advertisers and social media companies, since what drives the machine is not the content of information but the rate of engagement. Meanwhile, media companies continue churning out deliberately incendiary takes, and we’re so quickly outraged by their headlines that we can’t even consider the option of not reading and sharing them.                

--

To stand apart is to take the view of the outsider without leaving, always oriented toward what it is you would have left. It means not fleeing your enemy, but knowing your enemy, which turns out not to be the world—contemptus mundi—but the channels through which you encounter it day to day. It also means giving yourself the critical break that media cycles and narratives will not, allowing yourself to believe in another world while living in this one.                

--

Standing apart represents the moment in which the desperate desire to leave (forever!) matures into a commitment to live in permanent refusal, where one already is, and to meet others in the common space of that refusal. This kind of resistance still manifests as participating, but participating in the “wrong way”: a way that undermines the authority of the hegemonic game and creates possibilities outside of it.                

--

A crowded sidewalk is a good example: everyone is expected to continue moving forward. Tom Green poked at this convention when he performed “the Dead Guy,” on his Canadian public access TV show in the 1990s. Slowing his walk to a halt, he carefully lowered himself to the ground and lay facedown and stick-straight for an uncomfortable period of time. After quite a crowd had amassed, he got up, looked around, and nonchalantly walked away.                

--

So to a question like “Will you or will you not participate as asked?” Diogenes would have answered something else entirely: “I will participate, but not as asked,” or, “I will stay, but I will be your gadfly.” This answer (or non-answer) is something I think of as producing what I’ll call a “third space”—an almost magical exit to another frame of reference. For someone who cannot otherwise live with the terms of her society, the third space can provide an important if unexpected harbor.                

--

Herman Melville’s short story, “Bartleby, the Scrivener.” Bartleby, the clerk famous for repeating the phrase, “I would prefer not to,” uses a linguistic strategy to invalidate the requests of his boss. Not only does he not comply; he refuses the terms of the question itself.                

--

Facebook abstention, like telling someone you grew up in a house with no TV, can all too easily appear to be taste or class related.                

--

We need to be able to think across different time scales when the mediascape would have us think in twenty-four-hour (or shorter) cycles, to pause for consideration when clickbait would have us click, to risk unpopularity by searching for context when our Facebook feed is an outpouring of unchecked outrage and scapegoating, to closely study the ways that media and advertising play upon our emotions, to understand the algorithmic versions of ourselves that such forces have learned to manipulate, and to know when we are being guilted, threatened, and gaslighted into reactions that come not from will and reflection but from fear and anxiety.                

--

“In short, when the inattention stimulus falls outside the area to which attention is paid, it is much less likely to capture attention and be seen,” the researchers write. That’s intuitive enough, but it gets more complicated. If the briefly flashing stimulus was outside the area of visual attention, but was something distinct like a smiley face or the person’s name, the subject would notice it after all.                

--

As an artist interested in using art to influence and widen attention, I couldn’t help extrapolating the implications from visual attention to attention at large.                

--

In a post about ad blockers on the University of Oxford’s “Practical Ethics” blog, the technology ethicist James Williams (of Time Well Spent) lays out the stakes: We experience the externalities of the attention economy in little drips, so we tend to describe them with words of mild bemusement like “annoying” or “distracting.” But this is a grave misreading of their nature. In the short term, distractions can keep us from doing the things we want to do. In the longer term, however, they can accumulate and keep us from living the lives we want to live, or, even worse, undermine our capacities for reflection and self-regulation, making it harder, in the words of Harry Frankfurt, to “want what we want to want.” Thus there are deep ethical implications lurking here for freedom, wellbeing, and even the integrity of the self.

--

In an effort to make the user aware of persuasive design, Nudget used overlays to call out and describe several of the persuasive design elements in the Facebook interface as the user encountered them. But the thesis is also useful simply as a catalog of the many forms of persuasive design—the kinds that behavioral scientists have been studying in advertising since the mid-twentieth century.                

--

Vivrekar lists the strategies identified by researchers Marwell and Schmitt in 1967: “reward, punishment, positive expertise, negative expertise, liking/ingratiation, gifting/pre-giving, debt, aversive stimulation, moral appeal, positive self-feeling, negative self-feeling, positive altercasting, negative altercasting, positive esteem of others, and negative esteem of others.” 

Vivrekar herself has study participants identify instances of persuasive design on the LinkedIn site and compiles a staggering list of 171 persuasive design techniques.                

--

“knowing your enemy” when it comes to the attention economy. For example, one could draw parallels between the Nudget system, which teaches users to see the ways in which they are being persuaded, and the Prejudice Lab, which shows participants how bias guides their behavior.                

--

Or that the woman in front of you in line who just screamed at you is maybe not usually like this; maybe she’s going through a rough time. Whether this is actually true isn’t the point. Just considering the possibility makes room for the lived realities of other people, whose depths are the same as your own. This is a marked departure from the self-centered “default setting,”                

--

Last week, after a meeting, I took the F streetcar from Civic Center to the Ferry Building in San Francisco. It’s a notoriously slow, crowded, and halting route, especially in the middle of the day. This pace, added to my window seat, gave me a chance to look at the many faces of the people on Market Street with the same alienation as the slow scroll of Hockney’s Yorkshire Landscapes. Once I accepted the fact that each face I looked at (and I tried to look at each of them) was associated with an entire life—of birth, of childhood, of dreams and disappointments, of a universe of anxieties, hopes, grudges, and regrets totally distinct from mine—this slow scene became almost impossibly absorbing. As Hockney said: “There’s a lot to look at.” Even though I’ve lived in a city most of my adult life, in that moment I was floored by the density of life experience folded into a single city street.                

--

When the language of advertising and personal branding enjoins you to “be yourself,” what it really means is “be more yourself,” where “yourself” is a consistent and recognizable pattern of habits, desires, and drives that can be more easily advertised to and appropriated, like units of capital.                

--

In fact, I don’t know what a personal brand is other than a reliable, unchanging pattern of snap judgments: “I like this” and “I don’t like this,” with little room for ambiguity or contradiction.                

--

The fact that commenting on the weather is a cliché of small talk is actually a profound reminder of this, since the weather is one of the only things we each know any other person must pay attention to.                

--

(“bland enough to offend no one”)                

--

The professional social media star, a person reverse-engineered from a formula of what is most palatable to everyone all the time.                

--

Everybody says that there is no censorship on the internet, or at least only in part. But that is not true. Online censorship is applied through the excess of banal content that distracts people from serious or collective issues.                

--

Our interactions become data collected by a company, and engagement goals are driven by advertising.                

--

Mastodon... They allow more granular control of one’s intended audience; when you post to Mastodon, you can have the content’s visibility restricted to a single person, your followers, or your instance—or it can be public.                

--

... forming any idea requires a combination of privacy and sharing. But this restraint is difficult when it comes to commercial social media, whose persuasive design collapses context within our very thought processes themselves by assuming we should share our thoughts right now—indeed, that we have an obligation to form our thoughts in public!                

--

A counterexample would be the sparse UX of Patchwork, a social networking platform that runs on Scuttlebutt. Scuttlebutt is a sort of global mesh network that can go without servers, ISPs, or even Internet connection (if you have a USB stick handy). It can do that because it relies on individual users’ computers as the servers, similar to local mesh networks, and because your “account” on a Scuttlebutt-powered social media platform is simply an encrypted block of data that you keep on your computer.                

--

In #NeverAgain, David Hogg writes that “[a]nger will get you started but it won’t keep you going.”                

--

Before long, the conference would be over, and I would have missed most of it. A lot of things would have happened there that are important and useful. For my part, I wouldn’t have much to show for my “time well spent”—no pithy lines to tweet, no new connections, no new followers. I might only tell one or two other people about my observations and the things I learned. Otherwise, I’d simply store them away, like seeds that might grow some other day if I’m lucky.                

--

Seen from the point of view of forward-pressing, productive time, this behavior would appear delinquent. I’d look like a dropout. But from the point of view of the place, I’d look like someone who was finally paying it attention. And from the point of view of myself, the person actually experiencing my life, and to whom I will ultimately answer when I die—I would know that I spent that day on Earth.                

--

“I would prefer not to.”

#How to Do Nothing #books

[maikawethiel]

Previous Blog | Master List | Next Blog Once again, it's time to blog hop! We hop for each of the eight holidays on the wheel of the year, and as we turn toward the harvest, we hop in celebration of Mabon, or as the druids prefer, Alban Elfed. Alban Elfed is the last harvest of the year, and a time of reaping what we've sown. In true Celtic fashion, our topic for this hop is a reading which covers the three realms: Land, Sea, and Sky. The realm of land is that of body. The realm of sea is our minds. The realm of sky is our souls. For each realm, we were asked to draw three cards to discuss our current state, an area of focus, and the outcome if we take action on that focus. I felt called to use my Wildwood Tarot for this reading project. Body My body has been through a lot over the last few years, and it's only recently I've been finding some peace with it. I have grown in acceptance, but I also have grown in reclaiming it for myself. I have begun feeling so much more in tune with my body and less at odds with it! Current State - 5 of Bows I've faced a lot of conflict and struggled to find motivation to take back control over my own body. There's been a lot of fighting myself, other people, life in general... but I've finally reached a point where I at least feel like I'm in charge of the direction I grow in, and I'm proud of the work I've done to get to where I am. However, I still am not where I once was and I worry I never will be. There are a lot of fights yet to be won, and all I can do is take them on one at a time. Even now as I recover from my most recent surgery, I'm going a bit stir crazy as I want to get back into the swing of things. Focus - The Journey This card replaces Death in traditional decks, but I feel like the meaning holds true. Rebuilding the strength in my body is a process of constantly breaking down and rebuilding. Starting from the bottom and working my way up. Each time I work on something new, I'm starting the journey fresh. The tedium of starting over and over and over has worn on me in the past because I was focused on the end goal and not on the journey. I always felt so far away instead of living in the now and appreciating the milestone I was currently achieving. Outcome - 3 of Stones Reversed There's going to be a lot of delays reaching my end point and it will always be a process -- a never ending journey. In fact, the journey to manifesting the the ideals I have in mind may never be achieved. I need to be okay with that. I need to be okay with being proud of what I do achieve and ground my ideals in reality. Mind I've felt my mind become more open lately, but this can be a horrible thing for me as I'm prone to ADD. I get distracted easily and become hyper-focused on tasks that might not be the most important thing for me to focus on.  Current State - Knight of Stones Reversed My current state confirms what I already know about myself. I've lost a lot of motivation, and I chase after tasks which aren't the most important thing. Sometimes I give up way too easily. I've allowed myself to have my spirit broken in areas of my life such as career, and that loss of motivation shows up in my day-to-day. I'm not proud of myself for letting this be the state of affairs, and I want this to change. I've had a lot of false starts in finding the part of me that gives a shit. Focus - 8 of Vessels I need to focus on letting go. I need to stop letting things impact me emotionally. Yes, it infuriates me when I have colleagues who spend more time marketing themselves than actually doing quality work. It infuriates me the way that it seems to go unnoticed. It infuriates me even more that sometimes it seems that this dynamic is expected. I, the woman, should be the diligent worker. The expectations on me are much higher and the standard I'm held to unattainable. It's not fair. However, I've dealt with all these things a million times over. I need to have faith and just let go. Outcome - 7 of Arrows Reversed Ultimately, if I just focus on myself and controlling my emotions, I'll be able to let go of insecurities and worry much less! Soul There are many parts of my life that I jokingly refer to as soul crushing. Hopefully this will give me some insights on changing my perspective! Current State - Page of Vessels Reversed I'm very far removed from a state of being present. I'm not hearing the messages I need to hear, and I'm not attending to my life in a manner that is heart felt. I'm just not here. This is something I truly need to fix. I pour my heart into other people's needs and happiness and well being and have none left for my own. It's left me feeling a bit disassociated quite a bit. I need to flip that vessel around and feel again.

http://www.messagesfromlore.com/2019/09/mabon-blog-hop-my-harvest.html

#tarot

[girl-code-blog]

Strategies for Overcoming Anxiety, Overthinking, and Worrying.

     I wanted to dedicate this week’s blog post about something that has been suggested to me and a topic I have first hand experience with myself. Thankfully, I don’t face this demon as much as I used to. I’m in no means an expert, and I know I don’t bare the “cure” for anxiety. I understand that telling someone to just “snap out of it” is insulting. I know how it feels for people to tell me to, “just be happy” when I tell them I have depression. I apologize if my suggestions for dealing with anxiety are insulting to people who suffer badly from it because I understand it’s a true disorder that take a lot more than wishful thinking to overcome.

     In my personal experience, having anxiety or feeling worried made me sick to my stomach. It made my entire body numb and alert. It felt like the entire world stopped and my only concern or interest depended on the exact thing I felt anxious about. The types of things that happened in my life that caused my anxiety to worsen would be, waiting for answers, comprehending hurtful information, breakups, friendships, fights, school, confrontation, job interviews, working bad jobs, bad customers, awaiting punishment, test results, death, and failure.  

     The reason I don’t experience bad anxiety anymore is because I had to retrain my brain. Although, I  do often feel anxious about things, nothing compares to how bad my anxiety used to be. I think the feeling of anxiousness is unavoidable. Sometimes, we even feel this way about good things such as surprise parties or seeing an old distant friend. When I decided to rewire my train of thought, I noticed that my anxiety subsided substantially.

Grasping the Severity of our Situations

I know it may be easier said than done, but we should consider the amount of weight and pressure we put on certain things. Understanding that a “bad test score” or an “argument with a friend” didn’t need to feel like our world is ending. Anxiety tricks our brains into thinking we are in danger and makes us enter some sort of survival mode. Even during the smallest experiences, we lose focus on how serious matters are. Next time you are feeling anxious about something, try your best to grasp reality and be honest with the severity of your situation. A break up with a partner doesn’t mean your world will end. A job interview may go badly, and you may not get the job, but does that mean it’s life or death?

Overthinking 

Now, I know a lot of people that argue with me about why certain things are worth worrying about. I’ve met so many people that assure me that their worrying is valid because, for example, “If I don’t get this job, then I won’t have money. If I don’t have money, then I’ll starve. If I starve, then I’ll die.” Or something outrageously crazy like that. I’d like to say, YES, sometimes we should put pressure on ourselves to become more motivated. But, we need to be real with our emotions and let logic take the wheel. When we start that insane train of thought and domino effect every aspect of what could possibly go wrong, we enter an unnecessary territory for new fears to creep into our minds. Missing a job opportunity does not = death. See what I mean?

Realizing You’ve Survived Before

Second, I’d like to recall back to a time when I had a friend going through so much at school, a break up, sudden death in the family, and many other personal things that completely overwhelmed her. In circumstances like this, how could I ever tell her “everything is gonna be alright” because, even I would not accept that at the time being. Instead, I said to her, "Remember all them times before you worried yourself half to death? Remember how you survived all the madness in your life before? Maybe, if you could convince yourself this time that it’s not your first rodeo in anxiety city, MAYBE you’ll feel a bit more at ease?" Sure enough, it worked. You've survived it before, many times. I believe that you can survive it again, many times.

Worrying Doesn’t Change Anything, So Why Worry? 

I like to remind myself that no matter what I am worrying about, it’s going to happen anyways. So, why worry? Worrying isn’t going to make any argument any better. Worrying isn’t going to make your test grade better. Worrying isn't going to change the results of your blood work. Worrying isn’t going to make matters better or worse. Worrying isn’t going to make time go by faster or slower. Worrying isn’t going to make your job interview go any more smoothly. Worrying isn’t going to alter the progress of your applications. Worrying literally won’t change anything that’s already happening. That’s something you really need to understand. 

Changing Constants In Your Life

One thing I did to help “cure” my constant anxiety attacks was to make a lot of changes in my life. The people, family, and job I had at the time that gave me the worst episodes were eventually cut out of my life. Subjecting yourself to situations that are stressful yet avoidable are a no brainier. Again, easier said than done. I promise you, though, once you’ve had enough pain and suffering, you’ll eventually WANT to change paths. I can not stress this enough…. The things in life that are constantly bringing you anxiety (Bad job, spouse, living situation, friendships...etc) they need to go. In order for you to heal, they can’t hold that power over you anymore. Unless you can somehow make the situations less stressful for yourself, they can’t be a constant in your life anymore.

Talking to Friends or a Therapist

Talking to people helps more than you’ll ever know. It can be (and probably should be) someone that will let you talk and they will just listen. Every time I talk something out with a good friend or my parents, I feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulders immediately. Sometimes, we just need to vent. I highly recommend a therapist. Although they are costly, they are professional and will be able to give you the life skills you need to overcome your bad thoughts and redirect your energy. At times, talking to your friends may start to wear on them if it becomes too much to handle. Consider both options! 

Write it down.

Typing has been wonderful for me. Although I rather talk, typing or even writing down how I feel is a great method to clearing our minds. That, and we can always look back and remember how things used to be, and how they’re no longer that bad anymore. They serve as a good reminder that time heals everything. Experiences make us stronger. Diaries serve as a testament to better and worse days.

Keep Yourself Distracted

Last but not least, after understanding all the above, riding out the storm with distractions is the way to go. Once you’ve realized that there’s nothing you can do and the situations are no longer in your hands, pass the time with a good book, browse the internet, or go the grocery store. Whatever it may be, keep your brain preoccupied with healthy alternatives to worrying. You might as well do something productive instead of rocking back and forth worrying yourself to death. I promise, that will change nothing about your circumstances. I hope you took away something from this post! If you have any suggestions to overcoming anxiety/overthinking/worrying I’d love to hear from you and feature you and your response in a future post.

#anxiety #personal #depression #sadness #advice #strategies & tips #help #mental health #mental disorder #anxiety relief #overthinking #worrying #anxious #nervous #motivational #new start #inspiring #blog post

[xsmom2000]

The Harnett Girls – Sharon, Elaine, Jacquie and Sherry – Duane wasn’t born yet.

Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans.

(Lyrics from Beautiful Boy, by John Lennon)

We all have them – those times of indescribable chaos in our lives, when nothing seems to go according to schedule or plan.  It doesn’t matter that things have been written on the calendar in ‘super-indelible-never-comes-off-till-you’re-dead-and-maybe-even-longer markers (Purple, Green and Yellow, Robert Munsch).  Nor is it important that you’ve booked a vacation, made unbreakable promises, left a turkey out to thaw or rented scaffolding to paint the house.  Sometimes life just slaps you in the face and says STOP right where you are, forget your plans and promises and dreams, because this is what you MUST do.  Bad things, tough things, indescribably difficult things.  With life, stuff happens that changes your plans and steals your joy. It brings heartache an and disappointment, removing your ability to be all you think you should be, thereby wreaking havoc on your whole sense of well being.

First let me say that I am not writing this looking for sympathy or condolences, tissues or tears.  I have just decided to pull myself up by my bootstraps and write myself out of the past nine months.  Start fresh. Begin again. Fill in the blanks for everyone who has asked “What have you been up to?”

Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start…

Last February, while I was housesitting in the UK, my family found out our father had been diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer.  Prognosis? Inoperable, untreatable, incurable. It was now a waiting game and we didn’t even know what time frame we were working with or what was to be expected.  Collectively, the family decided I would go back to Newfoundland and assess the situation. I returned to Spain to tie up a few loose ends and pack my bags to return to Newfoundland in March.

My first glance at Dad told me he was ill.  Although he had had health issues for many years now, there had been a big change since I’d seen him a few months before.  They next few days were filled with appointments – his oncologist, family doctor and community health – anything that would give us a little insight into what lay ahead for him and us. But in all of this, there was something else happening with Dad. He didn’t seem to grasp what was happening and couldn’t answer questions for himself, always deferring to Mom. “Becky (my mother) will answer that” or “She talks for me”, he repeated over and over. More medical assessments and Mom’s account of what had been happening the past few months – Dad had dementia and his symptoms had been showing for a long time.

My brother and his family came home for a visit.  They could see that Mom was mentally and physically exhausted keeping constant vigil and caring for him 24/7.  In her caring for him, she was neglecting her own health and something needed to be done.  She needed a break to care for herself.  Maybe get a full night sleep for the first time in well over a year.  To have the luxury of enjoying a cup of tea without constantly being on the alert for someone else’s needs that were often immediate and ever constant.  She couldn’t remember the last time she left the house without worrying.  And because of his dementia, he could never allow her leave without bombarding her with questions. Where are you going?  How long are you going to be?  Stay home. Please?   Outside respite care for dad would be a few weeks respite care for mom.

As quickly as we could, it was arranged.  Four weeks respite at a local care home right across the street from my parent’s cottage in Lewisporte.  Just pack a bag and bring him over to get him settled in. Sounds simple?  No…far from it.

Dad didn’t understand what was happening or why he had to stay.  Imagine leaving a young child in an unfamiliar place with strangers, where they are pleading, crying and asking to go home.  It would be heartbreaking.  This was heartbreaking -made more so because he was a grown man.  Dad pleaded with me, tears welling in his fear-filled eyes. He pushed. Demanded. Begged. In the end, someone distracted him while Mom and I slipped out another door. Damn! I never expected it to be that difficult. I was shaken.

At home, I watched my mother cry standing at the kitchen table. Relief…sadness? It was not my place to ask or guess.  We had a cup of tea.  With quiet words and gentle hugs , we reassured ourselves the family had made the right decision.  I headed back to St. Johns.  On the five-hour drive back home, I cried. I sobbed until I was spent and tired.  And empty.

Days went by, our minds easing when we found out Dad had settled in quickly, was eating well and seemed okay with his surroundings.  Mom was finally able to rest and take time to care for herself. The family began to make plans about long term care for our father.

A couple of weeks later, my brother called late Sunday night. Too late for him to be calling me really.  He spoke quietly, making small talk first.  Something was up. “Do you have someone with you?” he asked.  My heart stopped, and my thoughts ran wild. I assured him I wasn’t alone.  Dad must be gone, I thought.  But no, it was far more terrible.   Our sister Sherry had passed away.  Suddenly.  Unexpectedly.  Our beautiful sister was gone. She was only 50.  She loves the colour yellow, her puppy and her two sons, her family, books, friends, her partner Chris, a good laugh, the outdoors, life.

She loved – it was now in the past tense.

Sherry

I remember the emptiness. The hollowness that filled me.  The quietness and calmness that enveloped me.

My brother and I spoke for a few more minutes; he filled me in on the few details he had, making plans about him telling Mom and arrangements for me to go to be with her for a few days.  Those days, weeks that followed is another story to tell.  A sequel to be addressed another time, because it is still happening as each of us awaken each morning and our days unfold.  The grief, the questions, the consequences.  How our lives are touched and challenged and changed when we are confronted by impending death. What happens when we are confronted with the real thing. You can read all the books you like and search for every speck of advice available, but not one of us are ever prepared for this.  None of us are ever prepared for life.

Bad things that happen in life can bring a family closer together or separate them more , but it will never remain the same.  As the weeks passed, myself, my brother and sisters talked more than we had in years.  Not just about our parents and what was happening. But about each other and our individual families. Hopes and dreams. Regrets and reality. Our past and our futures. What we could have changed and what we didn’t have any control over. Sometimes the discussions were hard – suffused with tears and anger, harsh words and hurtful blaming as we tried to justify and quantify time and events gone past. Other conversations were softer, kinder, often filled with laughter, childhood memories, changes we made and joys we’d discovered along each of our vastly different life journeys.

Sherry and Dad

Sherry and Mom and her yellow Jeep

In a few short months I learned so much more about these people I’d grown up with and with that came the sad recognition that for many years, I really didn’t know them at all.  For years we had been separated by miles and individual lives.  Preconceived notions determined what we thought about each other. We all made assumptions based on other people’s opinions even. Family can be that way.

I’ve learned. I’ve learned something very profound – I love my family and I am fiercely proud of them.  There is an intense strength of character that runs through us, that keeps us moving steadily on, never giving up.  We retain a sense of humour at even the worst of times.  We are independent and proud. We are beautiful and kind people. We respect and support each other in the best ways we know how.

Most of all…

We are forgiving.

We are loving.

So, for those if you who’ve been wondering what I’ve been up to these past few months – this is what it amounts to:

I have been busy  – with the re-discovery of my family and who we are and the importance of being there for each other. In my humble opinion, it’s been time well spent.

My family and I are taking things one day at a time.  Everyone is back to living their new normal.  Work, school, commuting, preparing dinner, studying, reading bedtime stories – daily routine is a good thing.

My father is now in full time care at the nursing home, where he has good days and bad days.  Sometimes he remembers things or people, other times he’s gathering up the television remote controls belonging to his fellow ‘inmates’ (he thinks he’s serving a jail sentence), but he is eating well and is no longer smoking.  The dementia has almost been kind in that he hardly speaks of his cancer because he’s so completely focused on other things. There are times his behaviour provides us with a welcome sense of comic relief.

My mother is taking things day by day, trying to take care of herself and has marked her calendar with a date for a long-awaited knee replacement in April 2018.  She is grieving, but she is strong and confident and has an unwavering faith in God’s workings in everything. She knows that tears are okay.

My brother and sisters and their families, Sherry’s boys and their families, even my extended family – I cannot speak for them.  We all deal with things differently, but we are all doing the very best that we can. I can only love them and support them as they go along.

And me?  I am back in Nerja, Spain.  Spanish language classes fill my days and evenings. I make a point to take in every sunrise and sunset.  Slowly, I am finding my own new normal – I am writing again and that’s important. I sometimes cry and that is also important.  Daily, I fill in my calendar, fully knowing that whatever plans I make can be changed by LIFE.

  Every morning is a new beginning (Nerja, Spain)

Sherry Harnett Rowsell

Cape Spear, St. John’s, NL – my thinking place sometimes

Cloud cover, Nerja

  Sometimes it's hard to see the light in a dark place - but it's there. Keep searching for it. Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans. (Lyrics from Beautiful Boy, by John Lennon)

#Cancer #Death #Family #Gratefulness #Home #life #Love #Writing

[sacredrite-archived-blog]

So, I don’t know when I’ll actually post this, but under the cut is a little shit meta on Lunafreya’s tarot spread! Below is a careful analysis of the cards The Empress & The World and the link they have to my portrayal of Lunafreya Nox Fleuret.

Now, let’s begin with the major arcana and their meanings.

On it’s own The Empress represents feminity, beauty, nature, etc. upright. Reversed, it stands for creative block and dependence on others. ( I know most of you saw “dependence” and are now thinking of why this doesn’t fit Lunafreya, but please wait. ) The Empress is a motherly card who is nature around us and within us, the source of life-giving power. She is who provides security and nourishment. Often, she is pictured as blonde haired woman with a peaceful, calm aura surrounding her and a crown made of stars, showing us her connection to the realm of angels and such. Her background consists of trees, water, etc, which is suppose to inform us of her emotional link to nature and life. The pomegranates on her robes are a symbol of fertility and the symbol of Venus can be seen next to her.

The Empress encourages you to connect with your femininity and nature. To create beauty and enjoy what Mother Earth has to offer us. 

When reversed, the Empress means you are too concerned with another person’s needs and, in turn, neglecting your own. You may also have issues working with others and cooperating.

The World, upright, means completion, accomplishment and travel. Reversed, it means lack of completion and lack of closure. This card is The Hangman’s opposite. The dancer in the card is suppose to be celebrating a journey that has come to an end and new beginnings that await. The wreath surrounding her means accomplishment, victory and achievement and is tied with the red ribbons of eternity. Within the wreath are stars of light which means attainment to enlightenment or cosmic consciousness. These ribbons are shaped into an infinity symbol and is symbolic for infinite rewards for positive effort in improving ones self as well as those around us. Surrounding the dancer are four fixed zodiacs which elements symbolize seasons, compass points, and the four corners of the universe ( Aquarius, Leo, Taurus & Scorpio ). Similarly, these heads are also on the Wheel of Fortune tarot which The World is associated with. ( A reflection of cyclical progression of time and the human experience).

The card represents us completing a fulfilling journey where the hardships only made us wiser. Our purpose has been achieved and we are in the right place as well as new beginnings that emerge from a journeys or cycles end.

Together, the pair symbolizes someone with a high sense of purpose, constrasting to themselves as both expressive and reserved. Self indulgent, unconcerned with consequences, but also graceful and living how you’re meant to live life.

( helpful sources I’ve painfully tried to reword are x and x as well as my own brother)

Where is the link between these major arcanas and Lunafreya?

I’m never sure where to begin with this question so we will start with talking of her qualities ( and the ones I’ve taken upon myself to develop ).

Lunafreya’s duty as Oracle to the people and her calling to assist Noctis in fulfilling his destiny is one of the major defining features in her character ( both in the game and in kingsglaive ). She holds a steady and strong resolve in order to help save their world and bring the light back, overpowering the darkness that’s threatening to consume them. She has sworn to protect those around her and have proven to be quite selfless.

In Kingsglaive, Luna was insistent that Nyx bring her back to King Regis as well as not placing Noctis in danger with the empire. It was even to the point where she jumped out of the ship in order to reunite with the king in order to get receive the ring. She takes initiative to achieve the goals laid out before her and accepted all consequences as she’s made clear here and here. It’s not an understatement to say she completely disregards herself in order to see the safety and security of others, even willing to play the martyr. 

In one scene in Kingsglaive, Lunafreya, though seemingly reluctant, manipulated Luche into putting on the ring knowing full well what would happen.

Lunafreya is not known to follow the guidance and orders of others. She despises the empire for what they’ve done as well as their constant need to control and contain her. It could feel suffocating and restraining; heightening ones paranoid of being watched and building resentment in being seen as weak. Many years she had spent being constantly monitored as well as physically manhandled in any efforts to resist. The physical and emotional torment had not caused her to crumble, though. In the span of twelve years, it’s fueled the flames of her resolve to see an end to choas and war and bring peace to all. To die for ones cause is a symbolic death and Luna is unafraid of the concept of dying. 

Niflhiem served as a trial in building backbone and creating conviction. There is a need to sacrifice everything in order to better the lives of her people and loved ones. To stand tall and no longer let the enemy have the upper hand against her. She seeks justice and power over herself. Being confined emotionally and physically exhausted her and the empire desperately attempted to break her down and rebuild her in their image. Yet, her mothers death and the invasion of her kingdom was enough to enforce stubbornness and inner strength. In order to keep what little independence she had left, Lunafreya forced herself to grow up faster and build emotional stability and strength. 

Despite this, Luna never saw herself just guiding Noctis as if he was a follower. She saw something greater in him and desired to stand behind him and not in front of him. Though her wisdom was plenty and served to assist him, to be his equal held higher importance. Lunafreya, who never felt she could be outright selfish, wanted to be when it came to her shared duty with Noctis. It goes without saying that their bond was strong, near unbreakable( whether you want to see if as platonic or romantic ). 

When it comes to how I portray Lunafreya, I have taken into thought how much I wanted her, as Noctis’ foil, to contrast and compliment him while also reversing room for her to grow into her own person.

Her relationship with the Gods is complicating. She sees no point in bending the knee and is stern, unafraid in their presence. Selfish beings who only look down on mortal and, yet, she prefers to keep her feelings towards them ambiguous. Her only concern is with her duty with destiny and her people. She forms her own thoughts and opinions, but there is a habit deep within her to always take heed of their words. When she prays, it’s often for the sake of others, but sometimes she catches herself doing it in worship for the Six. It has been something instilled in her since she was a child. 

Sylva was hesitant to pass Lunafreya the mantle of Oracle. To “gift” her child heavyhearted burdens and the weight of the world seemed cruel. Luna resented her for this. The decision to keep it from her for so long made her feel weak; like in her mothers eyes she was not strong enough to wield such great powers. Upon being informed of the prophecy and what she is to do, her animosity towards her mother grew. She was but a child and had no clue where blame could be placed. The thought of leading her childhood friend to his death was inconceivable. It felt like a punishment. A curse for being fragile in the eyes of her own flesh and blood. 

Even after all these years, she found it difficult to admit defeat and confess that her mother was right all along. Lunafreya was desperate to prove herself. Even with the weight piling up on her shoulders until they ached and the isolation she placed herself in, she didn’t want to say out loud how her mother spoke the honest truth in her childhood. Obstinate as always. 

In order to distract herself, she shoved her head in the idea of a blue-sky future. Of light and peace and harmony. Of starry skies where the clouds could not dare touch. 

In her manipulative aspects, while Lunafreya is fantastic with persuasion, she’s skeptical of using it even if it mean a necessary evil. It felt as if she was mirroring her captors in attitude. This does not sway her, though, and she will push the boundaries in order to complete her goals. If a martyr she must be then she will. A Martyr for herself. For her people. For the fate of the world. She will play this role as she sees fit.

Luna often contradicts herself and her ideals. She’s not made to make sense, but to do what she needs.

This isn’t a complete “essay” on how I wish to write her, but it’ll do for this post.

Bonus!!

Judgement. 

upright: judgement, rebirth, inner calling and absolution

downturned: self doubt and refusal to self examine

please, if you have any questions ask me them!

#ᵗʰᵉ ᵍᵒˡᵈᵉⁿ ʳᵃʸˢ ᵃᶜʳᵒˢˢ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵏʸ ; ᵗʰᵉʸ ˢᵖᵉˡˡ ʰᵉʳ ⁿᵃᵐᵉ ; headcanons #i might make a part two just in case #because i dont feel i conveyed what i wanted to correctly