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yorsgirl · 14 days

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A Fairytale Wedding(2)

Satoru Gojo x Fem!Reader

Synopsis: After his wife finds out about his little side rendezvous, he needs to let you know about his true place in this setting. Leaving you with two realizations which you already knew.

Trope: Drama, Angst, Smut

Warnings: Cheating/infidelity, explicit smut - cunnilingus, fingering, overall toxic relationship dynamics, toxic friendship dynamics, mild manipulation, OOC, hateable characters.

General Warnings: No curse AU, usage of nicknames, no mentions of y/n, not proofread.

Word Count: 6.2k

The day Kazumi learnt the truth, she had witnessed a lunar eclipse.

Not that she knew what a lunar eclipse meant, only that it was intriguing. Strangely intriguing. Yet, her heart felt heavy when she saw the moon veiling the sun. Darkness befell over the city, only the periphery of the sun glowed aside the shadow of the moon.

Photography would have been in her mind if the sight didn't have her frowning and strolling back to the comfort of her room.

Maybe, that should have given her a hint.

It was late night, close to midnight and Kazumi was just following her skincare routine before bed. That's when she heard Satoru's phone go off, She could hear the faint sound of water hitting the bathroom floor; he wouldn't be out soon enough.

The ringtone subdued after a couple of rings. Taking a mental note to inform him about a call, she went back to apply the moisturizer on her face. The phone rang again.

She sighed, getting up and walked up to the nightstand. Her main motive to just answer it herself and inform whoever was on the other side that her husband is busy and to call back later. Her movements came to a standstill when she saw your picture (which she hadn't seen) flashing on the screen accompanied with your name.

Her eyebrows furrowed, lips curling down but before she could receive the call - it was cut off on its own. Still, questions lingered in her mind.

Why were you calling him? That too so late in the night? What's so troubling that you straight called him instead of her? What did you want from him?

His phone buzzed with three notifications. The messages were from you, considering she saw - star, written over it. Curiosity gnawed at her, urging her to take a look. He wouldn't be out until ten minutes or more. He wouldn't even know that she went through his phone without his knowledge.

But she restrained herself.

No, this is a bad idea.

Its invasion of privacy.

Kazumi didn't want to suspect her husband only for him to come across as innocent The guilt would eat her raw and her moral compass made her hesitate. Yet, her gut was twisting in unimaginable ways.

No, no, she shouldn't be doing this. It will make her a bad wife. She trusted him completely. He would never do something like that. He loves her, now and always. He says that everyday before leaving for work. Besides, its you - you, her best friend. You were on her side, so happy for her on her wedding and everyday later. You called him, maybe you couldn't reach out to her and decided it would be better calling her husband. Yeah, yeah, that… that must be it…

That is it.

Just one look. That'd be enough. Just one look. That's what it will take. Just one look. Nothing more. Just one look. She'd never touch his phone ever again.

She wished she never taken that look.

[Today]

You're coming over next week right? (20:17)

plan's that (20:18)

if any changes i will let u know (20:18)

Don't back out last minute (20:18)

geez, not my problem if my boss topples me with work at the last minute (20:19)

You sure he doesn't hate you? (20:19)

From the looks of it, I wouldn't be surprised if he did (20:19)

hah! tell me about it (20:20)

from what i know u hate him more (20:20)

It's more like I enjoy getting on his nerves (20:20)

Imagine him finding out that his employee is sleeping with me (20:20)

honestly can see him seething (20:20)

n e ways lets leave him out of it (20:21)

As you say princess (20:21)

Be here next week without fail (20:21)

aren't u quite a dare devil? (20:21)

wanting to fuck me on your wife's birthday (20:22)

here i thought u loved her (20:22)

You are trying your luck star (20:22)

Keep that attitude in check (20:23)

oh really? And what if I don't? (20:23)

I might just need to punish you (20:23)

oh my can't wait for it (20:24) Liked message

2 missed calls (23:49)

Satoru (23:50)

Call me back later (23:50)

its important (23:50)

[yesterday]

[Image attachment] (13:08)

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[20 Wednesday]

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[19 Tuesday]

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[16 Friday]

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[13 Wednesday]

No chat history

The next thing Kazumi knew was that she was standing before her family mansion.

The metal gates opened once the guards saw their young madam on the doorstep. Usually, she'd look and greet them but not tonight. She made a beeline towards the main entrance of her home, almost tripping and scraping her knee on the cold, hard concrete.

The doors opened to reveal her mother who had rushed downstairs once she the maids informed her about her daughter's arrival.

"Dear, why have you-" Her words fell short when Kazumi wrapped her hands around her mother, burying her face in the crook on her neck.

She cried.

She cried. She screamed. No sobbing. No silence. She was crying.

Unending tears rolled down her cheeks, she couldn't make out anything over the blur that plagued her eyes. The cracked barriers had shattered once she saw her mother. Her self-control reached its limit once she heard her soothing voice. The voice she had heard since her childhood.

"Zumi," Her mother wrapped her hands around her trembling body. She carresed her head in her wrinkled, warm, motherly hand. Concern etched her visage. Stomach churned with fear - resulting from her daughter's cries and tears.

"Zumi," She called again, in a much softer tone now. "What happened? Why are you crying?"

Her screams echoed through the silent corners of the mansion. She shook her head, she couldn't give an answer.

What would she even tell?

"Tell me, dear. What happened? Tell me, please."

What did she want to hear? Something she couldn't even believe herself? How can she talk about it to her mother? How can she explain it to her mother? How can she explain something which she couldn't understand? How could she explain something which she refused to utter on her own?

"Mom," she let out a choked sob, trying to contain her voice - failed.

"Kazumi, dear- you're scaring me, now." She held her daughter in her arms tightly. Her tears drenching her shirt but that was the least of her concern. All she needed to know was the reason for her daughter's tears.

She cupped her daughter's face, wiping away the tears. "Tell me. I am your mother, right? What happened?" Kazumi shook her head, her lips trembled as she held her mother for the much needed support. "Did Satoru say something to you? Did both of you get into another argument? What happened?"

Arguments? Insults? Oh, how much she wished that was all it was. She'd have been so glad if it were just them. If only it were another mere argument. If only he'd called her one or two many derogatory terms. Hell, she'd be even fine if he would have hit her in the moment of anger.

Maybe then there'd be pain; but not this pain. This searing pain like someone just ripped out her heart and chewed on it before her eyes.

Still, it would have been fine.

And here, her mother was questioning her.

She needed to give her an answer. But the truth was too difficult to utter. She needed to lie.

"Zumi,"

That old, lovely nickname again.

"Tell me."

That concerned tone.

"What happened?"

Motherly instincts on rise again.

"You are scaring me."

Her homely fragrance.

"Please."

How could she ever lie to her mother? How could she ever lie in her home? How could she ignore these sentiments?

Is it even possible to brush off this tone, this visage, this embrace, this fragrance, this woman?

"Mom, scold me, hit me, do whatever you want just- just don't ask me what happened."

===

Few Years Ago

"She'll be here, soon."

Chestnut brown eyes glowed under the neon lights falling on them. Searching for a familiar figure among the hoard of people in the club. The wait was killing her and her boyfriend.

"Mhm," A groan erupted from the man beside her.

"Star said just five more minutes." The woman offered a tight-lipped smile. Wishing silently on her mind for you to arrive soon. "She must be stuck in traffic."

"You've been saying that for the last thirty minutes."

"This time's for–"

"If she doesn't get here in the next five minutes, we are leaving." He rolled his eyes, his tone was tinged with a layer of seriousness.

Satoru indulged in sipping the tequila shot by resting his face on his knuckles and elbow perched on the tabletop. Stronger than most drinks but not a problem for him, he had a high alcohol tolerance. Besides, this was the only one which could keep him from dozing off while waiting for this friend of his girlfriend.

He was bored out of his mind, on top of that everything was irritating him out of his mind. Like why didn't his drink have more ice? Why was the music so loud? Why was it so humid inside this club? Why did they decide to meet in a club? Why did he even agree to meet this friend? Why couldn't he just get Kikifuku sweets? Why–

"Am I late?"

All of a sudden, the noise from earlier faded into background as the sound of your reached him.

Cerulean blue eyes met yours under the neon lights, shimmering with a mysterious allure. Making a silent promise through gaze alone.

He held your form before his eyes, sculpting the masterpiece in his mind. Minding each detail with precision. A wild flower, perhaps even an untamed spirit.

That's what you were.

A coy smile played on your lips as you watched the ivory-haired man starstruck, captivated by your essence. You took a look at him from bottom to up, humming to yourself.

"I hope I didn't keep you waiting."

Your best friend stepped up to you, engulfing you in a hug before her partner could even muster up any words. You returned her embrace, mind to not touch her skin.

"Thank God you came." She beamed, letting go of the hug.

"I don't go back on my words, you know." You quirked an eyebrow as she nodded.

"I know, it was just... he was getting impatient." She answered truthfully, motioning to her boyfriend. "And convincing him to come here to meet you was damn difficult."

"Was it now?" You questioned, following her gaze.

Satoru's mouth curved into a smirk as he stepped down from the barstool. His height towering over both of you.

"I was," He admitted. "But I can now tell all that convincing was worth it."

Your eyes sparkled with amusement. Momentarily take a glance at your friend before darting your eyes back on him.

"Gojo Satoru," He said, offering his hand which you accepted gratefully. Followed by your pleasantries, you rolled out your name.

His eyebrows furrowed, he said your name. Once. Twice. Testing it on his lips. And for some reason, he liked how the syllables fit his mouth.

"I thought your name was star."

You pursed your lips, sighing. God, that annoying nickname again. It's all that damn bitch's fault. She must have addressed you that way in front of him.

"Star isn't my name, more so a name which she–" You motioned to his girlfriend who chuckled softly. "–has given me."

"Nickname?"

"Nickname."

Curiosity plagued him. He furrowed his eyebrows and he questioned. "I see... but why star?"

"She saw me looking at the stars once–"

"It's more times than I can count."

You nodded with a fake smile. Each second was getting worse. You stifled the urge to roll your eyes. For even if you wanted to curse at her, you couldn't. You have an image to keep.

"Just what she said." You continued, "From there that nickname originated."

He leaned a bit down towards you, running his tongue over his teeth. He raised an eyebrow, dropping the tone of voice to one of seduction. "Then I am sure, you wouldn't mind me calling you star either."

Great. Just another person to address you in ways you didn't want to be addressed. Still, you couldn't miss the tinge of suggestion in his voice. You glanced at the woman(she didn't have a reaction) before moving your irises back to him.

You shrugged, "I don't see why not? I mean, your girlfriend already calls me that even if I told her not–"

"And I am never going to stop," She declared, placing her hand on her hips. Smirking at you.

"You know..." You sighed, biting on your inner cheek. "Sometimes you should listen to me."

"And if I don't?"

You stayed silent. Waiting for the tension to rise in the air before you admitted.

"I'll make you regret your choices."

Damn, that's hot.

That's what Satoru thought when you made that threat. For even if you played it off later with the eye roll and the smile, the evidence of your seriousness wasn't missed. It had him captivated to you. Restrained by shackles of not only your allure but your carriage and comportment.

You are an intriguing one.

"If I may interrupt," His deep tone broke you and Kazumi out of your silly back-and-forth banter. All of his focus was on you. He ignored his girlfriend for the second when she called his name.

"You like the stars?" He asked.

You hummed, shaking your head. "The stars are beautiful, surely but... what I love the most is," You paused, fixing your gaze on him then without breaking the eye contact, "The moon."

"The moon?"

"The moon."

He snickered, straightening up. This was better than he imagined.

And he needed more. He will have more.

He was sure of it.

"Oh god, can we not talk about the sun, moon, and stars at this time? Thank you," Kazumi interrupted in between. "I will get us some drinks, bill's on me."

She walked away before any of you could even make a noise of protest. Silence befell over both of you. Gratefully, the music playing in the background didn't make it awkward.

You could feel Satoru's eyes on you. Checking you out. Still, you made no move to stop him.

Well, if he wants to appreciate your beauty then he can. Who were you to stop him?

From the moment he first spoke– nay, flirted, you could see a hint of his intentions. To flirt with other women in front of their partner and your friend didn't seem to stop him.

You wondered if she was just too secure in her relationship or if he was just using her due to her obliviousness.

The latter seemed more believable. What would a good friend do in this situation? Probably, warn her friend of her partner's intentions. Or maybe, have her create boundaries with her boyfriend.

Hmm, seemed like a lot of work. Good lord, you weren't the good, supportive friend.

"I must say,"

You were pulled out from the reverie of your thoughts. Satoru's velvety voice fell on your parched ears. You glanced at him, raising an eyebrow with a silent question marked over your mien.

He delicately took your hand, holding your fingers. He brought it up and brushed his lips over your knuckles.

"Your name suits you, star."

This was madness.

Satoru Gojo was kissing you.

Nay, he wasn't kissing you. He was devouring you.

Almost like a lost, starving traveler who had been offered food after being found.

It was a shared desire when both of your lips moved in perfect sync, bursting with flames and passion.

Months had passed since your first meeting and the intentions you deciphered on that encounter hadn't seized. Perhaps, they had increased. Lust-induced touch gliding over your skin akin to fire burning you.

With stolen glances, accidental touches and coincidental meetings, you supposed. But the desire had grown, on both sides. Almost overflowing the barrier, luring you to give in to temptation.

And before you knew it. You were giving into this temptation.

His warm lips pressed against yours in a fiery, fervent kiss. His tongue lapped inside your mouth, exploring each corner. He held you via your nape, back pressed against the wall of his bedroom. The support was needed cause you could feel your knees growing weak.

No, you shouldn't be doing this. He is your friend's boyfriend. You should stop it. Stop it now. Stop it before it escalates into something worse.

This is wrong.

For even if you disliked Kazumi, had been bitching about her behind her back, still you shouldn't do this. Sleeping with her partner without her knowledge is a step over your boundary.

Stop him. You should stop him.

But you can't.

Not when he has his long, calloused fingers brushing over the fabric of your panties. The slick flowed out of your entrance, dampening the garment. You moaned in his mouth, causing him to smirk against your lips.

Fuck, no. This was getting worse with every second. Well, not worse in the sense that he was doing a bad job. You'd be lying if you admitted that cause he knew what he was doing. And God, wasn't it good?

You had been single for too long and pleasuring yourself alone could only get you that far. Hence, when his sinful hand played cruel ministrations over your folds, pushing the garment aside, you couldn't do anything but bite your lip and throw your head back; hitting your head against the wall.

You heard him snicker, the hand on your nape moved to your head. Gripping on the roots of your hair, his knuckles shielded your head from the wall. "Easy there, princess. I don't want you getting hurt."

You breathed out heavily, your nails dug into his bicep, leaving crescent moon shapes behind. You found your voice, even through your whimpers. "Ngh... w-we shouldn't be do‐ nhh- doing th-this."

He looked down on you, inadvertently slowing the pace of his finger inside you. A smirk spread on his lips when you cursed under your breath, involuntarily pushing your hips forward.

You wanted this as much as him.

"Are you sure, star? You want me to stop?"

Yes.

You groaned, "Fuck you, Satoru." Shifting on your legs and clenching your thighs, you tried to push his digit inside which moved in an agonizingly low pace.

"Your wish is my command, princess." He lowered himself on his knees before you. "Just after I get a taste of you."

And before you know it, your panties are ripped off and thrown to some corner of the room. You don't have the time to react when Satoru puts your right leg over his left shoulder - giving him a clear view of the reddened, juicy skin that dripped with honey. The smell of your arousal hit him, he exhaled a sharp breath which hit your folds. You groaned, tugging on his hair.

The desire was palpable.

Whether it was the growing bond between the both of you or simply the sexual tension... whatever it was, it brought you here. And damn, looking down on him now, when he had a shit-eating grin on his perfectly gorgeous face; all you wanted to do was ride his tongue.

You were sure millions of girls would pay him just to be in this position.

Still, your morality clashed with your desires. For one side begged you to stop this and the other had no intention of stopping.

"Oh c'mon, star. Just one taste." Satoru whined, he had made himself comfortable between your soft thighs. Groping and fondling the soft flesh as he salivated at the sight of your sweet cunt.

You can't miss the expression on his face, your mind going blank as your rationality almost drowned in this game of desires. Even if you were screaming at yourself to stop it, a louder, firmer tone in the back of your mind was screaming to let him continue.

"What are you even scared of? That she will find out about this?" He hummed to himself, "Mhm, nah... that can't be, you don't even care about her."

"Don't assu–"

"You can't fool me. I can see right through you, princess." He snorted, the low rumble hit your nerves.

Damn it, you needed the release, you needed his fingers, his tongue or whatever.

You needed him.

"But," He stretched on the word. "Isn't it thrilling to do it with me behind her back?"

You hate how correct he is.

The thrill of it all was all the more arousing. To share such a sinful affair with your best friend's boyfriend of all people. Morality, logic, boundaries? For tonight (and many more nights) they can go to hell. Though you can say that all you feel is indifference for her, the temptation of giving in to your desires skyrocketed at the moment. And if he wanted the same thing as you, who were you to deny him?

The thrill of this peril had you buckle your hips towards his face - You nodded.

Satoru didn't wait for a second before opening his mouth to latch on your folds. His tongue moved over the muscle tissues like it was meant to be there.

He spit on your clit, rolling his tongue over it like a French kiss. A satisfied hum left his lips when he tasted your sweet nectar.

You tugged on his white locks, pushing his face deeper into your folds. Your loud moans and whimpers rejuvenated in the room, cutting through the sexual tension that burnt the room.

He pushed a finger in your tight hole, his cock bulging in his boxers at the view of your cunt sucking him in, just right. You are shivering with the unbridled pressure, maximized when the pad of his thumb presses over your clit.

Satoru cursed under his breath, pushing his tongue inside your slick folds, lapping on the honey-filled moisture of your arousal. His cock was raging, waiting for release.

All he wanted was to be inside you.

But no, not now. He needed to taste you first. He needed to know what your release tasted like. He needed to savor the flavour in his mouth. He needed to see how you looked, what you did, when you'd climax on his face. He needed to know if you tasted just as good as you smelt.

His licked and sucked on the bundle of nerves, pushing two of his fingers in and out.

You were nearing your release and you could feel it, tugging onto his hair. Your shortened breath and loud moans were enough evidence.

"Keep your eyes on me when you cum." He ordered and instinctively, you complied.

Your eyes met his lust-filled blue irises, darkened with passion and temptation. Your hips jerked and the fluids flew out.

Satoru licked up the liquid with his tongue, gulping it down and almost moaning in delight at the taste.

He was right, you tasted just as sweet as your fragrance.

===

You were awoken from your slumber with loud banging on your door.

Adrenaline coursed through your veins, causing you to wake up wide due to the noise. The assault on your door left you in a state of panic. Hurriedly, you had pushed yourself off your bed, tip-toeing to the door and peeking at your midnight guest from the spyhole - Satoru, a breath of relief left your lips. But the unease settled in again when he strolled inside as soon as you opened the door.

Locking the door behind your back, you followed him to your living area. His shoulders shook, blue eyes observed each and every corner of your residence; he was looking for something to distract himself A habit of his you picked up on over the years, looking for distraction whenever he'd be distressed.

What could have been worrying him so much?

You placed a hand over his shoulder, "Sato-"

"She knows."

It was like a punch to the gut.

The air knocked off your lungs with mere words that left his lips. Disbelief imprinted all over your face, eyes widening significantly at the news. Your fingertips trembled with apprehension, hand falling off his shoulder as if it weighed ton.

"What?" You asked, tone lowered to a whisper.

Satoru's eyes didn't meet yours, he clenched and unclenched his jaw. Running his hand through his unruly hair, he tugged at the locks. A quietude prevailed, broken by the ticking of the wall clock - 1:40 AM.

He clicked his tongue, turning on his heels towards you. "She found out." He confessed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

No, this couldn't be. No, you refused to believe. How could she ever find out? It had been so many years and there was no fall through in this little rendezvous of yours. The lengths and methods both of you had treaded to keep this affair a secret was almost flawless.

"Tell me you are joking." His silence was enough of an answer but you were in denial. This couldn't be.

He groaned, shaking his head. "I wish, I was."

You breathed in through your mouth heavily. Sitting down on the couch. You were sure you'd have fallen otherwise. Legs too weak after and mind blank after the bombshell Satoru just dropped on you.

This couldn't have happened. But it did. And in this mind numbing news, only one question rang through your mind.

"How?" You asked.

He sighed, glancing up at the ceiling tiredly. Recounting the events that had gone just an hour ago.

"You called," He began. "My phone was in the room… so was Zumi. She must have gone through it while I was showering. She saw the texts and-"

"Texts?" You abruptly interrupted him. "What the fuck do you mean by texts? Didn't you delete them?"

"I did but-"

"But what? That means you didn't."

It was ridiculous. After all this time if she were to find out through some texts he forgot to delete, then its blatant irresponsibility on his part. Countless times you had reminded him to erase them. Leaving no clue, whatsoever for anyone to know. One of the reasons, this affair could stretch on for so long. Cause there was nothing to catch on. The simple rule both of you followed to remove the other's notes, voice recordings, pictures anything from your devices. Even if anyone were to go through them without your knowledge, they wouldn't be able to catch on.

"You're such a irresponsible idiot," You continued, cleching your fists, you stood up and took a few towards him. Jabbing at his chest, you pressed on, "What do you even have to say for yourself now, huh? Your recklessness cost us this."

He stared down on you, azure eyes darkening into a glare. "For fuck's sake, would you even let me speak."

You responded with equal fury, shooting a similar scowl at him. "Well then, speak. Explain yourself. Why didn't you fucking delete those texts?"

"Only today's," He said with conviction, his jaw ticked with annoyance. "Rest were deleted."

Fuck it being only today's message or the ones from a year ago. The fact remained that he didn't delete it.

"Today or not it should have been deleted." You scoffed, darting your eyes away from him. You walked over to your center table, chugging down loads of water from the bottle. You muttered, "Its all your damn fault."

He strolled up to you. Grabbing your jaw, he forced you to meet his eyes. "So we are playing the blame game now?" He spat out, cursing under his breath.

"You deserve to be blamed."

"You fucking bitch," His grip tightened, causing you to wince in pain.

Clutching his wrist and mustering all your strength, you jerked his hand away. "You need to do better in the curse game, Gojo Satoru."

And if he wasn't furious before, he was now. Each second with you was fuelling his rage. "Blamed? I deserve to be blamed? Who the fuck do you think you are, huh?"

"Not the reckless idiot who got us exposed."

The syllables of your name rolled off his lips in a warning. Anymore provoking wouldn't do you any good. You knew that. But your sense of rationality had drowned under the flood of anger.

"Oh please, it's all your damn fault. If only you had listened and deleted everything then we wouldn't have been here."

He scoffed, "All my fault? If we are going on advices then let's go to the base level" He paused, eyebrows scrunched up. "Who the fuck told you to call me?"

You paused, clicking your tongue. The call that time had been a matter of urgency, "It was impor-"

"What's so god damn important that you couldn't wait another fucking day?"

You didn't throw back a response. For all you knew, this wasn't the correct situation to inform him of that news. The predicament both of you were stuck in was more concerning than that.

You groaned, exhaling out the air. "Leave it, we can talk about that another time."

"No, we fucking can't." He exclaimed. "Go on, say it. Why the hell did you even call me?"

"Not now" You pushed back a strand of your hair. "Later, we have other things to worry-"

"Spit it out," His voice lowered to a dangerously cold tone. His blue eyes fixated on your visage like he were a predator.

Unknowingly, a shiver ran down your spine with the look you evoked from him. You had seen him like this previously too, but the occasions had been rare and you weren't ever in the receiving end of it; until now.

Taking in a sharp breath, you confessed. "I received a transfer letter."

You remained silent for a few seconds, expecting him to speak or something. But he remained stoic, his face void of any emotions. You decided to continue, "In a month I am supposed to leav-"

"That's it?" He cut you off. The plain tone of voice catching you off guard.

What? You were getting transferred, supposed to leave almost in a month and he asked you that. The least you had expected was some concern, not nonchalance.

"Out of Japan."

"And?"

And? And what? Was that not enough? You were leaving for god's sake and this was how he reacted.

You couldn't wrap your head around this reaction but before you could speak of anything more, he chuckled A terrifying chuckle, if you may add. Far from jovial, it almost sounded sinister and humourless.

This was no joking matter. Why was he laughing?

"Wh-"

"That was it, huh? Just some stupid transfer letter and you thought it'd be a good idea to call me, huh?" The corners of his lips quirked up. The mockery evident in his voice.

You swallowed a lump at this bizarre reaction. You didn't expect pleads or heartfelt sweet (empty) words. Perhaps, acknowledgement or an ire of care, that'd been enough. These taunts were jabbing at your heart.

"It's not stupid. I am leaving."

"And what do you expect me to do? " He narrowed his eyes. "You are leaving then fucking leave."

It's funny how words can hurt more than hits.

"Satoru, why are-"

"This was your important thing? The urgent information you couldn't just rest for a day or a week?" He paused, letting out another chuckle. "For this thing, she found out and you were blaming me when you are the one at fault.

That hit the wrong place.

"You aren't innocent either," You retorted back. Rolling your eyes, you stated firmly, "Besides, it doesn't matter anyways. That plastic bitch was supposed to find out about it one day or the other."

Momentarily, you saw how his eyes flickered with wrath, "Careful of how you address my wife."

His wife? Like he ever fulfilled his vows to his so called wife. He was never the beloved partner, let alone a husband which he always projected himself to be. And now he comes for her defence when you called her a plastic bitch. Like she wasn't one in the first place.

You scoffed," Your wife? Don't go around a devoted husband now that your shit got revealed."

"She's still my wif-"

"Wife for namesake." You declared, daring him to defy you. "A wife you don't care about, let alone love. A wife you had to wed cause she's the society's perfect girl."

He took a step towards you, face etched with nothing but unaltered hatred. He looked down on you like you were a bug. A bug he can crush under his shoes. "You are testing my patience, star. Don't go around assuming my feelings for her. You don't know a damn thing about me."

"I know more about you than she'll ever know," You yelled, clenching your fists tightly.

Hell, how could he even accuse you of that? After the years you spent together, from the secret meetings to the confessions in the dark. He told you secrets about himself which you doubt he'd ever utter before his own wife. He let you in parts of himself he never showed anyone else.

"And I know that you have no feelings for her."

This man before you had spent his wedding night with you instead of his wife. Any sane man who admitted to have genuine feelings for their spouse would never do such a thing. And Satoru Gojo was insane to assume that he still loved her after lying with you day after day. To hell, with every bullshit spat by the podcasters that men could sleep with other women without losing an inch of feeling for their main one.

He remained silent, his visage rendered expressionless. The tension in the room was high, enough that if it were to take a physical form then you'd be able to slice it with a knife. You didn't know what was going on in his mind but you wished you could have been a mind reader to just take a glimpse in it. Anticipation gnawed at you, the silence overwhelming.

Come on. Speak. Say something. Anything, please.

"And you think I have feelings for you?"

It would had been better if he stayed silent.

As soon as he uttered those words, the brave façade you had put on until then fell down. It shattered, crumbling to pieces. Deep down you knew, he harboured no feelings for you still this stab of indifference pierced through you. Deeper than any blade would ever.

"Don't be delusional, star."

It was a mistake. You should have known your limits. You should have stayed silent. You should have kept your emotions in check. You should have never provoked him.

"If you think so…"

No, you don't think so. You know what you are in this situation. Howsoever humiliating it is to address yourself with such a name. But it’s the truth.

"Then let me remind you.."

You don't need any reminder. You are well aware of your place. He doesn't need to speak. Stop speaking.

"Of who you are…"

You have already made it clear. Stop.

"You were always a game."

The door to your apartment slammed shut as Satoru walked away.

Leaving you standing alone in this quandary. You couldn't speak. Nor could you move. You were a statue. All you could do was stare. Stare at the path he took to leave.

Your senses returned when the cold wind hit your face.

And then… you laughed.

Your laughter echoed through the desolate corners of your house. It was so damn funny, near to the joke even the most famous comedians couldn't make.

The punch line was the cherry on top.

You were always a game.

So funny. So, so damn funny. You don't think you have ever laughed like this in years.

How foolish of you to even believe you could have been anything more. How foolish of you to even expect anything. How foolish of you to even dream.

The chortles were endless. Filled with mockery, despair, taunts, shame. Still, they were your cackles.

To live is to laugh. To laugh is to live.

You sunk down to your knees, something wet gliding down your cheeks. You found water on your fingertips when you wiped it away.

Water? Why was there water on your face? You weren't showering neither was there any leak in the ceiling then why this water?

The laughs echoing in your ears soon turned to a sound you didn't quite like. Your chest burnt and your eyes stung. What was this? What was happening?

You are laughing then why does this ache follow. For all you remember, only your stomach is supposed to hurt and your jaw for laughing so much. You must gasp for breath and you were but it wasn't the same.

A second later, two realizations dawned on you.

First - you weren't laughing. You were sobbing.

Hysteric sobs erupted from you with no trail of ending. You pulled on your hair, shutting your mouth with a palm. Biting on your lips just to stop these wretched tears and sobs.

You were always a game.

More sobs. More tears. They just don't stop. They are just so annoying.

Then the second realization hit,

You were always the other woman.

Note: lol its the longest word fic which I wrote till date and it isn't even the end. This will have a part 3 then climax. Anyways! Thanks for reading. Likes and comments are appreciated <3

Taglist: @sadmonke

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queenofcoquette · 6 months

Text

school advice: academic excellence

introduction:

there's lots of people who don't have a lot of time to study- some people work jobs to help support their family, or have to take care of their siblings becuz their parents work long shifts. if you're in this situations i don't think i can help, since i've never had to face it. all i can say is pick the tips you know you can use, and adjust them however you can to your circumstances. i tried to make this as inclusive as possible to anyone who's short on free-time or doesn't have money to spend.

motivation:

set your goals. think about college, where you want to go and how to do it. this is what i do a lot- i think about my dream college and i think about the work ethic i need for it.

gratitude. another thing you can think about is how lucky you are to get an education, because a lot of people can't go to school, especially women.

also i like to think about my mom becuz when she was 18 she came to america and had to learn english while studying pharmacology and working a part-time job. she did it all and graduated the top of her class, got accepted into nyu (she didnt go becuz her family couldnt afford it) and when i think about how well she did with everything going against her ik that i can do great academically.

while in school:

make sure your notes are CLEAR. write brief things- formulas, bullet points, etc. only highlight formulas, key points and vocab

make to-do lists (write down what hw you have to do, what you have to study for and when things are due)

ALWAYS ask questions about things you're not clear on (ask the teacher or classmates, whatever works better for u!)

if your teacher allows it, go in early or after school if you have more questions/need more help

do extra credit assignments!! even if your grade is good it's always good to get extra practice and more points.

study habits:

set up an environment to study in. go to a quiet place where you can set up what you need. make sure that it's clean, quiet and free of distractions.

get a drink and/or healthy snacks.

imagine you're teaching someone the lesson. one technique my mom taught me (who studied pharmacology in america while learning english and got straight a's) was to imagine that you're teaching the material to another person. she had a whiteboard to write equations/formulas and would explain them like she was the teacher.

utilize online resources.use things like quizizz, blooket, kahoot, khan academy- free online resources that can help you study.

watch videos. especially for math & science- find videos on youtube that explain concepts and just pay attention.

blurting technique:

pick a certain topic and write down EVERYTHING you can think of- all sorts of notes, key points, questions, everything that comes into your head for about 10 minutes.

afterwards, go back in and add what you missed. structure and organize your final version. this gives you a stronger understanding of the topic.

pomodoro technique:

take about 25 minutes (set a timer) and spend that time competely invested in what you're doing. it's a challenge to stay concentrated, but eventually you'll get the hang of it. after the timer goes off take a 5 minute break & repeat. each time you do it the break gets longer.

when you get a bad grade:

having a good mindset. i know it's easy to get so upset about bad grades take this as a wake-up call and think "how can i do better?" instead of degrading yourself just think about what you could've done differently and what you can do to stop it from ever happening again.

go in for extra help. if your teacher is available before or after school get extra help, or if you have a friend that can help then utilize that! ask all your questions and have it explained one on one.

finally i want to give credit to @mawena_tafa on instagram who made a video about the blurting and pomodoro technique :)

#that girl #that girl 2023 #study motivation #self improvement #pink pilates princess #queenofcoquette #it girl #rory gilmore #study aesthetic #study tips #romanticizing school #school advice

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judeswhore · 11 months

Note

breaking up with jude and having to take all his things back to him

omg wait i actually wrote something abt this for a fic i was gna write and then scrapped so u can have it here, it’s not the best but

"y'know you could've just asked me to drop these off for you. then you wouldn't have to see him." katie riffled around in the bottom of her bag in search for something, her tone light despite her words and she only glanced at you briefly while waiting for a reply. tearing your gaze from the house across the road you shook your head, wiped your sweaty palms across the material of your trousers.

"i want to see him."

"you want to see him?"

"yeah. no. i don't know, kinda? i don't want him to think i've taken the break up badly."

him being jude. after almost three years of dating he'd brought the relationship to an end, a decision he promised you he hadn't made lightly. for you it was out of the blue, you hadn't been fighting and there'd been no signs, sure you hadn't seen each other much with uni and his career but that was something you'd grown used to. for him it had been building. he said he couldn't handle the distance anymore, that it was getting too much to love someone who was never around. you got it, sort of, but that didn't make it hurt less. this conversation had happened two weeks ago, you'd only just found the motivation to peel yourself out of bed to return a bunch of his things.

from across the car, katie threw you skeptical look.

"you've cried every day since and consumed like half of england's ice cream supply. you have taken it badly." you huffed and leaned into the back seat to grab the box, careful not to let anything tumble out when you pulled it into your lap.

"he doesn't need to know that." you best friends mouth opened, a disapproving retort on her tongue but you beat her to it, pushing the car door open. "i'm okay now. i want to do this in person." you stumbled out with the box, turning to close the door behind you but katie had leant across, her face soft, eyes just a little sad.

"hey, he doesn't deserve you, remember? this was his loss."

at his front door you simply stared for a few moments, unable to lift to your hand and knock. returning the things he'd left at your place made the break up seem much more real, like giving him his hoodies back meant it was a done deal. you were handing over a piece of your heart with the box of his belongings, because no matter what, that would always belong to him too. a dog barked a few houses down and forced you into action, your fist coming down three times on the white door.

there was a few seconds of silence, the click of the lock and then the door swung open, revealing a freshly showered jude. the first glimpse of him in two weeks tugged at your chest, made your tummy dip and it was difficult pushing back the overwhelming urge to press against him. your body told you to kiss him, habits didn't die easily, your mind trying to catch up with the slight difference in his appearance. he'd grown his beard a little longer and his hair hadn't been cut in the time you'd been apart. his bottom lip was cut.

"hi." his voice cracked and he made a face, sent you a half sheepish smile before clearing his throat. "hey."

"i brought your stuff." straight to it. you weren't sure you could stand here and exchange small talk with him without breaking down. there was the smallest bit of comfort in the fact that he looked as bad as you felt. there were dark circles under his eyes, he obviously hadn't been sleeping, and the grey joggers he was wearing had a multitude of different stains down them. something tugged again at your chest and you swallowed thickly, thrust the box not so gracefully towards him. "i think i packed everything, i can- if i forgot anything i'll get katie to drop it off."

like you should have gotten katie to do today because looking at him hurt so much you felt like your heart was breaking all over again. the air around you was tense and awkward, jude kept shuffling from one foot to the other and you couldn't stop your palms from sweating. it was strange how someone who used to make you feel so safe and loved suddenly made you want to disappear inside yourself. jude took the box with careful hands, palms flat against the bottom to avoid brushing your fingers. the second he had hold of it you tucked your hands into the pocket of your hoodie. you didn't want him to see them shaking.

"you didn't have to drop them off, i could've come by." he could have but you knew deep down he wouldn't have. something told you he would've avoided you at all costs until he went back to germany. "but thanks. d'you wanna come in?" your gaze snapped up to his from where you'd previously been focused on his shoulder. "to get your things. i packed them up when you text earlier."

"oh. yeah, sure." you nodded and followed him into the familiar living room, the pain in your chest doubling when the scent of his aftershave washed over you. there was a box of your things on his sofa, your clothes and make up, small things you'd left behind, things you never thought you'd have to take back. placed at the very top of the box was one of jude's england shirts, one of the first ones he'd warn for the senior team, the one you always wore around his house. nausea rolled over you at the fact he was giving you it.

"i don't need that." jude followed your gaze and you watched his throat bob on a swallow as he dropped his own box down beside yours. his fingers brushed the material.

"it's basically yours, it doesn't fit me anymore so i don't need to keep it. i thought you'd want it." you only shook your head, you couldn't wear that shirt knowing that it was connected to a part of your life that didn't exist anymore. jude always made comments about how he liked seeing his girl in his shirt, he'd always pull you close and smother you in kisses and tell you how pretty you looked. you couldn't wear the shirt knowing you weren't his girl anymore, knowing one day someone else would wear that shirt. that he'd find another girl. you tried to talk around the lump that had settled in your throat.

"i don't want it, jude."

"right. no, of course not." again he cleared his throat and you needed to leave, needed air before the tears started and you collapsed in his living room. jude took the shirt and held it between both hands. for a few moments you were both quiet, watching each other, unsure what to say and before you could blurt something you'd regret, you reached for the box.

"i should-"

"i am sorry, y'know. i didn't- i never wanted to hurt you."

"but you did."

"i know and it's killing me. i should've told you how i was feeling instead of letting it drag out and leaving you in the dark. you didn't deserve that." his words were rough and you'd known him long enough to know he was fighting back tears. you also knew if you watched him cry, you'd also cry and you'd promised yourself you wouldn't do that in front of him. you wouldn't let him see you vulnerable like that again.

"no, i didn't."

"baby-" the endearment slipped from his lips from habit and you froze on your turn to the door, stomach dropping and that ache building even more in your chest. jude shook his head a little and rubbed the back of his neck, his bicep straining against the soft cotton of his shirt. "i'm sorry."

"i know you are but that doesn't make me feel any better. i don't- i can't have this conversation again, i can't hear you say you don't love me anymore, jude." pain and regret twisted his features and he shook his head. he made to reach for you but thought better of it, pressed his hands to his sides.

"i didn't stop loving you."

"stop it." your bottom lip wobbled and you had to stare straight at his chest to avoid the look in his eyes. "you can't- i don't want you to lie to me. you broke up with me, you don't do that if you love someone."

"that's not fair."

"life isn't really fair, is it?" without thinking, your fingers raised to tug at the necklace around your throat, a nervous habit you'd picked up years ago. it was only then that you even realised you were still wearing it, the silver "j" suddenly feeling hot and heavy against your skin. "oh, i forgot.."

setting the box down again, you fiddled with the clasp, awkwardly unclipped it before letting the piece of jewellery drop into jude's palm. he stared at it for a few seconds before shaking his head, trying to push it back towards you but you'd already picked the box back up.

"no, this is yours, you don't need to give me it back."

"i'm not gonna keep wearing it, jude. why would i?"

"because-"

"i'm not yours anymore, remember? i'm not gonna wear a necklace that says i am. i don't want it." your tone was harsh, harsher than necessary and it made him flinch, his brows drawing in. "wearing that let me pretend that this wasn't real, that it wasn't actually happening but it is and i can't keep lying to myself. everything reminds me of you and it hurts. i don't want it to keep hurting."

jude dropped his gaze, let his eyes instead focus on your hands. you were both quiet for a few seconds, neither knowing what to say. you'd gotten everything out of your systems the day of the break up, there was nothing else to say other than goodbye. you cleared your throat and nodded a little awkwardly towards the door.

"katie's waiting for me."

for the second time in as many weeks, jude let you walk away without another word.

#hey jude :)#jude bellingham #leigh’s baby blurbs #sinclaiirs baby blurbs #jude bellingham fluff #jude bellingham fic #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham smut #jude bellingham one shot #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham blurb

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ddollfface · 3 months

Text

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐀𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗦𝗶𝗰𝗸!𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝘅 𝗙𝗲𝗺!𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

Trigger Warnings; bad writing, lovesick behavior, reader is called 'my girl' multiple times, reader is described as more 'curvy' (in LoveSick!Bimbo's specifically), fluffy, nothing too bad. If I missed anything, then please let me know ♡ Hey, I'm sorry I've been so absent recently, but that's just because of personal issues. And I'd also like to say that I'm not going to be the most active writer on the app, sooo um sorry 'bout that. I'm just not very motivated to really do anything, so yeah. I hope ya'll enjoy :)))

𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙎𝙞𝙘𝙠!𝘼𝙩𝙝𝙡𝙚𝙩𝙚

All of the Above. Any way he can show you affection, he will. Nothing is holding him back from hugging you, kissing you, or holding your hand. He has no fear. I mean, what are you going to do? Push him away? Yeah, right. And this is when his ego gets in the way. He can't comprehend why you wouldn't want to touch him, besides, he wants to touch you! He wants to love you, hold you, and protect you! Why wouldn't you want that?

He also enjoys buying you things. Whether it be a fancy dress, some makeup, paint, hell, it can even be a football or something! He doesn't judge (though he'd prefer you to be pliant, little you, someone he can protect). If you need something, whether it be for classes, a hobby, or anything of the sort, he'll pay for it! First date? Nope, don't even reach into your bag; he's got you! Want a coffee/tea/etc.? Babe, I better not see your card out right now. Who do you think I am? A bum? I take care of my girl.

He likes spending time with you, too. You're practically his best friend, after all! He likes to bring you to his practices, and games, wanting you to watch him. The majority of the time, whenever you're there, he'll purposefully show off, wanting you to know that he's husband material! He can protect you and your future children, don't worry! Just let him take care of you!

But he'll also come to any events you're a part of. Say you do theater, he's coming to every performance, the same if you do any performing art. If you do a sport (he'd be ecstatic btw), then he's coming to your practices, teaching different tips and tricks, and most importantly, he's giving you a "good luck kiss" (as he likes to call them). And if you're an artist or some sort, then he'll offer to be a model for you. He's not afraid to strip if it's for you. No matter how far you two are in the relationship, there's no hesitation in his voice when he looks at you, snarkily saying, C'mon sweets, paint me like I'm one of your French girls, yeah?

His affection doesn't stop there. I've dabbled in this concept before, but LoveSick!Athlete also loves to call you nicknames, and they're never-ending. He'll think of a new one for you every day! Honestly, it's interesting to see what he'll think of next. He has a wide variety and they span from how pretty you are, to your ass, and back to your sweet personality!

𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙎𝙞𝙘𝙠!𝙋𝙤𝙚𝙩

Gift Giving. LoveSick!Poet is far too nervous to talk to you. He'd shit himself if he ever called you something sweet like 'baby' or 'sweetheart', he thinks that his heart would implode. That's far too much for him. You're too much for him, too good to him, so he resorts to giving, giving, giving. He'll sneak you little poems he made about you, all flustered when you compliment his writing, how good he is. He'll get you a bouquet of flowers, all purple lilacs. LoveSick!Poet will go down to the nearest bakery, your favorite bakery, and leave you a small box of conchas, a sticky note stuck to the top of the box. It read 'I love your dress today, it looks beautiful on you :)'. He's so sweet, isn't he?

Quality Time. Similar to gift giving, it's a way for him to be affectionate without facing you. LoveSick!Poet doesn't have the best image of himself, finding your relationship with him to be a miracle, something to be worshiped, and admired. You want to go to the mall? Okay, he's on his way. Want to go out to eat? Where? When? He'll be there, but bare with him. He's not the most well-off man in New York, money's tight, right? And don't get him wrong, he feels bad. He'll constantly tell you so, going on about how he really wants to take care of you. And I'm sorry that I can't take you to the East Side, and we're stuck at the small cafe... I want to treat you, you really deserve the best, d-darling...

He just enjoys your presence overall, so any time he spends with you is a good time for him. LoveSick!Poet doesn't mind just sitting in silence, watching you do what you love. If you work at a cafe, restaurant, or anything of the sort, he'll show up to your work and just watch you do your thing. Depending on how you take his constant staring, he'll ask you for your number or how you're doing. He'll order something and have some, albeit awkward, small talk with you, wanting to know that you're doing well.

𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙎𝙞𝙘𝙠!𝘽𝙞𝙢𝙗𝙤

Physical Affection. LoveSick!Bimbo is very, very, very affectionate with most people, but it's doubled whenever she's around you. Honestly, she can't help herself. She has to be touching you at some point. She just finds you to be so adorable! She wants to show her appreciation for you and your body! Of course, she'll always let you cop a feel, if you want.

She wants to have a hand on your thigh, intertwine your fingers, and even hug you. She'll always have her chest pressed against your arm, not matter you height. And believe me, she's a tall girl, but she doesn't seem to mind the stares you get from men and some women.

Verbal Affection. Not only is she physically affectionate, but she's also very sweet with her words. No matter what time of day it is, or where she is, she'll always be calling you some sweet name. She likes to compliment you and your body, making sure you're never feeling insecure. After all, she can't have her darling feeling bad about themselves when they look like that! You're always beautiful and she'll make sure you know it. She can't help but let compliments slip out, saying how your body is just so perfect! You're literally like my missing puzzle piece, babes! Like what would I do without ya' curves!!

𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙎𝙞𝙘𝙠!𝙁𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙

Verbal Affection. Now, she's not complimenting you constantly (like LoveSick!Athlete and LoveSick!Bimbo), but she does give you affirmations. If you did well on a test, then she'll tell you how you're so smart. I'm just so lucky I got stuck with a sweet girl like you. You make me so proud.

She'll never hold back saying 'I love you', nope, never. She's very caring in that sense, seeing as you've been friends for so long. She knows what you like, after watching you and your exes interact. LoveSick!Friend isn't afraid to pat your head and kiss you on the cheek, but it's not her go-to, y'know? So she always falls back on giving you assurance, that way you'll never doubt yourself. You're doing so great, babe. Just keep doing what you're doing, I'm here to help.

Acts of Service. LoveSick!Friend washes the dishes, does the laundry, and cooks the dinners. If you're ever feeling under the weather, then she'll become your little servant, always at your beck and call. She just wants you to be taken care of. She wants you to know that she's always going to be there for you, and you don't need some man to be here. All you need is her, so you should just delete that dating app, no?

𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙎𝙞𝙘𝙠!𝘼𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙨𝙩

Verbal Affection. LoveSick!Artist is sweet with his words, knowing just what to say to get you all flustered and embarrassed. His voice is deep, soft, and comforting. He'll give you reassurance and soft words, speaking softly to you. He doesn't call you pet names too often, though he'll sometimes pull out 'sweets' or 'baby' if he's feeling extra nice that day. Most of the time, he prefers to use your name, finding it to be comforting. He likes your name, pleased by how the syllables roll off his tongue. It's the name for you, he prefers that you use his given name, instead of 'babe' or 'bubba'. It makes him feel closer to you and he'll tell you that. He'll go on about how, y'know, you're voice is real sweet, just prefer hearin' ya' say my name all the time. Makes a guy all giddy inside.

Gift giving. He likes to draw you, a lot. Whenever you pop into his mind, which is every waking second, he'll draw you, having to express his thoughts somehow. Sometimes, he'll have you right in front of him, modeling for him.

He likes to give you these drawings, well, only the PG ones. After all, he doesn't think you'd be able to handle it, getting too flustered and overwhelmed by how detailed he can get. But that's not the point, the point is that he likes to draw you, and for you. He draws the world around him and then gives it to you, wanting to share his talent with you. And you're always excited about it, enjoying your boy/friend's (depending on the timeline) talent.

Quality Time. Listen, LoveSick!Artist is very monotone, preferring to be calm, and by himself. He doesn't like parties, being in big groups, or loud music. He just wants to be with his close friends, you. It doesn't have to be a shared activity, where the two of you are talking. Actually, he prefers to do his own thing, and you do yours, just the both of you enjoying each other's presence. He'll be painting and you'll be doing homework, cleaning, reading, writing, whatever. He doesn't care too much.

It's like that one friend, the one where you can not talk for months and months, but when you two reunite, you're acting as if nothing changed. That's exactly how he treats your relationship. He doesn't need to be with you 24/7, if anything, he prefers to have some alone time.

Now, for this last part, I'm not too sure what category this would be under, but LoveSick!Artist is quite built, meaning he works out a lot. He's very strong. And he gives off scary dog privileges, much to your content. He enjoys protecting you, holding you close, and making sure no man is giving you any funny looks.

I think that may be described as physical affection, but it still doesn't feel right to me. LoveSick!Artist isn't necessarily the most touchy person, seeing as he likes to keep to himself, but that won't stop him from getting possessive. He's very, very, very aggressive towards other men, especially when you're involved. He already doesn't trust men, but when he sees the way they look at you, it causes him to spiral. Out of all my LoveSick!Characters, I think that LoveSick!Artist is the most likely to kill in your name. C'mon don't be like that, did ya' see how he was looking at you? Like a piece of meat, is what.

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creedslove · 4 months

Note

Hi Mari 👋

I've been having Javier Peña brainrot... and I need to tell someone 😭😭

So reader and javi work together, reader is married but her and javi become friends and get closer and closer until they have smex, she feels so guilty after and says they can't talk anymore and completely ignores him.

Then at a work function after a few drinks Javi tells her 'it's hurts me not to be able to talk to you', reader says 'you're a good looking man javi, you could talk to anyone of the girls here', javi says he doesn't want any of the girls here and 'you're all I think about' and then he walks off.

Later reader asks to talk to him and says did u mean what u said earlier? Then they kiss and have smex again basically.

ily 💋

Javier Peña x f!reader

Warnings: mentions of sex, infidelity, marriage issues, javier peña who comes with his own warning ⚠️

A/N: I totally understand it bestie, Javi is like an addiction, he makes me feel like an animal in heat, I'm sorry it took me a while, I had a bit of a writer's block, but hopefully I'm back at writing again ❤️🫶

2.3k words

You had a good husband, you really did, amongst all your friends and all the stories one could call horror stories about what an awful man they decided to marry, you had been lucky. Michael was a kind and patient man, he treated you well, your parents liked him since you were both each other's college sweethearts and he wasn't bad looking at all. He might have not been the most handsome man you'd seen, nor the brightest and most fearless, he was safe, so safe it was kind of boring, and yet you knew you didn't have the right to feel that way, after all, Michael left his life behind to come to Colombia, during the most dangerous time to ever travel to that place all in order to support you and your career. You loved your husband, it had been so long you got used to him and that feeling, but you weren't so sure if loving and caring was the same as being in love with him. Passion was different, but before coming all the way to Colombia, facing danger and the excruciating heat on a daily basis, that was the kind of thought that didn't even cross your mind, however, it all changed when you met him.

Javier Peña.

At first you recall not actually liking him, you'd heard of his reputation of course - who hadn't to be honest?! - and you already had decided you didn't like him, you had this whole picture made up in your mind and you'd decided by yourself you wouldn't give that man the time of the day. It would've worked if you weren't so starstrucked the first time you met him. Even if you didn't show, you were so surprised it was almost at a shock level. Javier Peña was simply breathtaking. He was handsome, a singular kind of handsome, there was something about him, about his looks that drew women to him. There was something about his eyes, sad and glimmery, his side profile, something you had never paid attention to before, but suddenly you did, and his was just so attractive and those lips. The most kissable lips you'd ever seen. You couldn't believe that gorgeous man was the same obnoxious one you'd heard of since you began working at the office, you supposed it made sense for two main reasons: if he attracted women like a magnet there had to be a motive for it, besides, he was one of those cases of being it too good to be true. You remembered making a mental note to not get near him.

It would've been easier, if in addition of being the most handsome man you'd ever seen, Javier Peña wasn't also the nicest guy you'd ever met. He wasn't nice like your husband was typically the nice guy, whether that was a good thing or not; Javi was different, he was nice as in… sweet. Something you wouldn't really expect him to be after hearing about his reputation, but he was. Exclusively, he was sweet to you. He was kind, gentle and patient. He wouldn't be able to tell exactly why he was that soft on you, it wasn't simply an attraction - of course you were pretty and he would've made a move if he ever had a chance to -, but that wasn't his regular flirty self. There was more to it, he could feel it, he enjoyed your presence, your voice, the whiffs of perfume you left around he could've sworn it got stuck on his shirt which made him smell you on him even when he was home by himself.

He remembered seeing you for the first time; you were nervous, starting your new position in a new place, one where stress and tension simply ran loose, not knowing anyone there and yet you stroked a confident pose. He had scanned you up and down, enjoying what he was seeing, but when he lay eyes on your hands - a personal favorite - he saw the golden band and knew he should back off. You were married and he respected that no matter what.

Still, it seemed something was preventing the two of you from staying apart, as you and Javi simply hit off. He was nice and gentle and you were funny and pleasant, and those were very precious qualities in such a heavy work environment. It didn't take you both to become friends, and soon enough you were inseparable at work. You've had work friendships before, you weren't a stranger to it, but the fact that it did happen to you and Javi was unexpected, at the same time it felt you couldn't keep away. It wasn't a problem to be constantly around each other when you were at the office, but it was a problem when you couldn't keep your mind away from Javi when you were at home. Even if you tried not to think of him all the time, you still did it, often wondering if he was home or if he'd gone out, if he had female company or if he was having a calm night in just watching TV and eating takeout, if he thought of you outside work the same way you did.

The answer was yes, even if he didn't tell you that, he kept thinking of you. More like he kept torturing himself with the prospect of you and your husband living your casual married life; it was insane, he never really cared about marriages and commitments to that extent, but he couldn't help himself and think of you and your husband sleeping together, having meals together, going sightseeing on the weekends in order to get familiar to the city you were living in, things he knew it was normal for a married couple to do, so why did it bother him and above all, why did he closed his eyes and pictured himself instead of your husband?!

As much as Javier didn't want to dwell into it, the closeness you continued to straighten over the months fueled those mutual feelings more and more, and eventually you and Javi opened up on a personal level. He told you he'd left his young bride at the altar and that he carried that guilt with him for a decade, no matter how many times she assured him she'd forgiven him. And you finally admitted your marriage wasn't as perfect as many people assumed. It straightened your bond with Javi and the confessions quickly brought more subjects into the conversation, to the point you and Javi wouldn't go a day without having a conversation, you just needed each other's presence around and that dependency on each other led to the inevitable with Javier Peña: you slept with him.

It happened after the night Carrillo was killed; he was caught in a trap set by Escobar and it was by pure luck Javi wasn't among the dead body count. When you heard the news, you felt as if your heart had been ripped off your chest, the despair and the panic before the possibility of having lost Javier. You couldn't even bear the possibility of not seeing him again, not talking to him and when you stormed into his room and found him sat down drinking and looking the most miserable you'd ever seen. You didn't think twice, you ran to him, to his arms and kissed him.

From that kiss, things escalated to Javi fucking you on his desk, thrusting into you in a rough way, his groans and moans filling you up with his thick cock, his big hands slapping your ass occasionally and the way his lips called you cariño and it was enough for you to be lost in his touch, drowning into the wave of pleasure no man has ever made you feel. But just being railed on his desk wasn't enough, that was why after getting dressed in a sloppy way, Javi drove you to his place, he needed more of you, so he took you again, over and over, fucking you on his couch, his bed, and he would've done it plenty more if you hadn't said goodbye by pecking his lips and running home. It broke his heart to know you couldn't stay, he hadn't quenched the hunger he felt for you, quite the opposite, the desire he was feeling was almost inhuman, craving someone he knew he couldn't have, it gutted him.

You, on the other hand, found yourself so confused at everything that had happened; guilt, passion, lust, sadness, all of it overflowing you and causing a knot on your stomach, you felt you could throw up at any minute, especially the moment you faced your husband. How could you?!

At the same time, wondering how could you resist Javier?! He was irresistible and the only way out would be pretending nothing really happened between the two of you.

The next morning, you both showed up to work, dark circles under your eyes, sleepy face on his side and that odd hesitation in interacting. Suddenly, your natural bond with Javi seemed to be replaced by a growing awkwardness between you two. It was strange, being so connected to him, knowing him on a carnal level and yet simply acting as if you'd never met. Javi understood your silence even if it broke his heart each passing day watching you act as if he was invisible, he understood it. You were married, you were probably feeling guilty and regretful of everything that happened, Javi was a man with no strings attached, while you were a traditional woman, with your beliefs and a solid marriage. Maybe you weren't that in love with your husband anymore, but that didn't mean you didn't respect him, so truly, Javier understood it, which didn't change the fact it was so painful to see you daily, to have been able to touch you and no longer have access to it.

Day after day, he sat at his desk, remembering how your skin felt against his, how your body seemed to be a perfect match and thinking of how no women had compared to you since, but still, he kept his distance because you were distant, as much as it hurt him, he'd promised himself he would respect that. Day after day, week after week, you still wouldn't talk to him, pretend nothing happened, and even if he tried saying it didn't hurt, it really did. It was only when the team decided to go out for a drink, Javi saw the opportunity to talk to you. As you'd loosened up a bit from the drinks you had, to the relaxed environment of a bar, he waited patiently, purposely taking his time and drinking slowly, still keeping to himself in an attempt of not scaring you off, but having everything planned out so the only two people left at the table were you and him. As he lit up another cigarette, you knew what was coming, he was understanding and you appreciated that, but your problem with Javier was the addiction. After you tried him for the first time, you couldn't help but crave more of him, that forbidden fruit you desperately needed but couldn't have. He saw you noticed his plan and the way you began fumbling around your purse making sure you were about to leave, made his chest tighten in longing. He couldn't wait anymore, he had to at least talk to you, get a reaction from you, he wasn't a romantic man, but he deserved some closure at least.

“Don't go just yet, cariño” Javi's hand gripped your arm at the same time he blocked your way. He wasn't rough or pushy, he would rather die than make you uncomfortable, but he was showing you he wasn't going to let you go like that.

“I have to Javier, please let go”

“It's Javi for you, I've always been Javi, you know that… don't go, let's talk, it hurts me not to be able to talk to you…” he admitted showing you more weakness than he would like to, but he got caught up in the moment and at that point there was no use to try and hide his feelings.

“Javi, I-” you sighed and looked at him, it killed you to have to step away from him, you knew it sounded crazy to simply walk away from Javier, he was everything any woman could ever dream of, he was handsome, sweet, funny, and he was simply the best lover someone could ever have, you couldn't even imagine how many girls would kill to have the same chance you had, however, you had to be strong “Javi, you are handsome man, you could talk to any girl here…”

“I don't want to talk to any girl here, you're all I think about” he admitted pulling out his cigarette in the ashtray and looking at you one last time, before turning his back and walking away from you. He didn't know what else to do in order to show you you really belonged next to him.

•••

“Did you really mean that?!” You asked Javier as you didn't know where to put your hands, picking on your nail polish as he opened the door and looked at you up and down. He raised his eyebrow at you, which caused you to clear your throat and repeat your question “did you mean it, Javi? What you said? That I was the only one you wanted to talk to?”

His hand immediately wrapped around your waist, pulling you to him, your body bumping against his, because he needed that, it seemed too good to be true, you, standing at his door, looking at him with your beautiful, lovely eyes.

“Of course, cariño, you're all I can think of, I need you, I crave your body, your lips, everything of you…” he whispered and kissed you. Javi didn't leave much space for hesitation, he didn't want to risk losing you for whatever reason. He didn't care about your husband nor your marriage, he wanted you and from that moment on, you were his.

____

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theanonymousninja247 · 2 months

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Random Turtle HC: Raph & Anxiety

*clears throat and approaches microphone before hitting whiteboard with a ruler* A-HEM! Behold my theories peasants!

As we see expresses in the VERY 1st episode of ROTTMNT, the turtles can recognize each others signature scents and can smell fear.

Raph especially is shown briefly through the brothers dialogue to be the most aware and self conscious about said scent to the point of becoming defensive about it.

This leads me to believe that due to both natural biological olfactory senses and increased abilities due to mutation, the turtle brothers (with an advanced ability tipping to Raph due to his size and sensitivity) can actually smell the hormone cortisol.

WebMD defines cortisol as, “Your body’s main stress hormone. It works with certain parts of your brain to control your mood, motivation, and fear.”

Simply put, the turtle boys can literally smell fear.

Now I know you’re asking yourself, “Okaaaaaay cool fun fact I guess, what does that have to do anything with me?”

*takes a step back and adjust glasses with a smirk*

My dear dear fellow tumblr, allow me to share the wonders of mixing fact, madness and media all in one! *sounds of maniacal cackling can be heard*

(I wrote this with the intent to be platonic but it could be romantic if you squint long enough)

•So we've established Raph can smell fear right?

•As a protective big brother who is quite literally in fact “BIG” he knows a thing or two about getting scared

• Especially when it comes to looking out for people he cares about

•Hes been fighting baddies for his family since he was a tot! From keeping away scary dreams at night, from crushed ancient metal zombies to terrifying alien virus monsters, there ain't much he hasn't seen

•So when you join the ranks of the Mad Dogz, you immediately also get a built in prtoector

•Raphs been looking out for the little guys his whole life, what's one more?

•Not to mention you're kinda cute, so he doesn't mind sticking around a little bit closer

•But you're different than most folks, Raph notices. I mean besides the fact that you WILLING want to be friends with 4 mutant turtles of all things.

•No besides your abnormal incredible bravery in looking beyond the status quo to reach out the hand of friendship to these reckless reptiles, Raph noticed that you just kind of…smelled

•Not in a bad way or anything just…you always seemed to have a lingering scent of fear on you

•And Raph would know. Hed recognize that scent anywhere. It's a scent that ghosts every hour of every day for him. Nighttime and being alone especially.

•Raph hates being scared. He's the biggest and the oldest. He's supposed to look after his peeps! And he can't do that if he's frozen with fear all the time!

•So what does he do? Raph faces the problem head on like he always do.

•You get scared a lot. That's understandable, but Raph decides to make it his business that you don't need to be scared when he's around.

•Raph’ll protect ya

•Be prepared to have this turtle subtly (orrer not to much so because although he's a ninja he ain't exactly tactful or subtle) watching you every time you and the gang get all together

•Its not hard. You've always caught his attention for some reason or another. So looking at you is something he does without even realizing it.

•He’s looking for triggers, anything that gets that heart rate of yours spiking and that scent start to waft.

•Fidgeting hands, bouncing knees, shutting down and slinking into your hoodie, nervous chewing, pulling or playing with your hair and pacing, he's got eyes on it all.

•Once a trigger has been spotted, Raph immediately tries to locate the source

•Too many people? Suddenly you find a 6ft something giant turtle behind you, letting you know with his massive presence alone that he got your back. Literally.

•He kinda likes this position because he can see everyone that comes close enough to interact with you and everybody can see him.

•All he's got to do is narrow his eyes a little a give em a flash of that all too familiar snaggle tooth of his if he thinks someone's being mean and he gets his unspoken threat across just fine

•Not to mention you're also close enough to grab if someone he doesn't deem fit for your attention gets a little too close for his liking. But he doesn't say that part out loud.

•Scared of talking? You suddenly feel the cool tip of his massive scaely alligator tail (anatomically correct alligator tail be darned, I'm going with the fandoms HCs for this one) gently wrapping around your ankle as a physical reminder that he's right there here to support you

•Overwhelmed and the world feels like it's closing in on you? Raphs massive size is a natural battering ram that allows him to pass through thick crowds with easy. He's not afraid to help heard you into a quiet little corner away from it all

•Years of practice with Donnie allows him the experience to ask you if you're good with touch.

•If yes, you know you're going to be instantly wrapped into his arms, pulled flushed up against the worn keratin of his plastron. Raph’s always been more of “hands-on experience” kinda of guy anyway.

•Raph gives good hugs. They're firm and tight, padded with the security of arms who have been holding the weight of the world for years.

•He will rest his chin on top of your head, gently guiding your head with the motion ever so slightly so you're somehow perfectly nestled right against his heart.

•It's a loud heart, especially when you're up so close. It's actually his strongest muscle and one he's most proud of. He cares about you, so he reckons he’ll allow you the privilege of getting close to it. In more ways than one.

•Raph doesn't talk much during these special security hugs. He's never really been much good with words anyways. Raph knows sometimes the noise can be too much, but he also knows that the silence can be defeaning. So being a turtle comes with some built in perks that make up a happy medium.

•Hes got a special churr saved for special situations just like this one. It's one of the lowest and deepest ones he's capable of making. More akin to a muted growl more than anything the way it vibrates his chest as you're pressed up against it. You can feel it more than hear it and it just takes a handful of minutes listening to this bad boy before Raph can sense your fear stink slowly dissipating and your natural sweet scent can return.

•Raph can smell fear, and there's something incredibly humbling for this Atlas of a turtle to have the sweet experience of watching that scent drift away whenever he gets the privilege of being close to you like this.

•”You don't need to be scared no more, Sweet Pea. Raph’s got ya. I'm gonna be right here until you're ready to face the world again. Until then, let me just hold ya.”

Dedicated to the one and only @anobodyinabog. Sorry this took so long,but I hope your day gets better Shortcake. Please know you're always looked out for and loved ok? 🧡❤️

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sunkissedchld · 6 months

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𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒎𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒈𝒆𝒔

the piles go from left to right. therefore, pile one is the pink box with a charlie brown theme, pile two is the 2022 letter with a tiger sticker, and so on and so forth.

this PAC details what messages you have been intentionally missing because you don’t want to acknowledge or admit something. parts of these messages may sound harsh, but it’s not meant to be in a mean way - it’s meant to be in a blunt way where you can no longer ignore what you’ve been putting off.

take your time to use your intuition to choose the pile that will best resonate with you. lastly, please don’t be afraid to say if the message resonated or not. it helps me in determining if my interpretations are correct or not, and i appreciate any sort of feedback - even if it’s “bad”.

good luck to you, reader 📨

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Muwop" by Latto (feat. Gucci Mane)

"Dynamite" by Gallant & Brandy

"Guns and Ships" from Hamilton the Musical

"Talkin' Bout" by Loui (feat. Saweetie)

"Champagne Poetry" by Drake

Cards:

Seven of Cups, Ace of Wands, Eight of Pentacles, Eight of Cups, The Lovers (Rx), Eight of Wands

Reading:

Folks of pile one, you may have a lot of choices at your fingertips. These choices could have to do with what school you should go to, or what career should you pursue; should you change jobs, or should you pursue a promotion; should you continue in the beliefs and way of thinking you've already established, or should you look into new philosophies? Intuitively, these choices have to do with the new and the old - do you continue doing something you've developed a routine of doing, or should you try something totally new and out of your comfort zone? Some of these choices seem dreamier than they actually are and that's possibly what's causing you confusion. For most of you, you're being asked to choose the new over the old; in all, this collective is being told to go for the choice that stirs up motivation, enthusiasm, and inspiration in you - make the choice that brings you happiness.

With 888 being shown by the cards, you're being told to trust that everything is falling into place for you. Do you trust your guides the way you say you do? One line that sticks out comes from the final shufflemancy song, "Champagne Poetry" by Drake, when he says "still managed to moonwalk straight through a minefield". Some of you may be learning the skill of faith - and not just the kind where you say you have it. The changes you're being asked to make will lead you to better circumstances in your future, but you have to take the leap to accept them. There's a need to see your loss of the old or your comfort zone as an opportunity for more; I'm reminded of that one Facebook meme when a little girl is holding a small teddy bear and telling Jesus that she doesn't want to give it up, but Jesus has an even bigger bear right behind his back that he's ready to give her when she gives up what she's used to. If you continue on the path you're on right now, you will continue to feel the disappointment, confusion, and imbalance you've been experiencing for a while now.

The easier and more willing you are to give up the old, the quicker you will experience movement towards the new. Trust the process of your growth.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Everytime" by Smarty Baby (feat. Spool)

"NASA" by Ariana Grande

"She Knows" by J. Cole

"Cash Race" by Tinashe

"So Far So Fake" by Pierce the Veil

Cards:

Queen of Cups, Seven of Wands, Six of Pentacles, Page of Swords, The Empress, Knight of Cups, Four of Cups, Queen of Swords

Reading:

The majority of energy surrounding you, pile two, is connected to your emotions and intuition. You may be very used to caring for others and giving them your all. You may be known as the "parent" friend that is always caring for your friend group and nurturing others' wishes and wants. With "NASA" and "She Knows" as shufflemancy songs, I get the feeling you're being asked to stand up for yourself and figure out what you need from others instead of constantly giving to them. You may be very used to persevering and pushing through your emotional highs and lows on your own while others often turn to you to burden theirs. The lyrics from "She Knows" stick out the most when Cole repeats, "I can't be what you want from me" and also "only bad thing 'bout a star is they burn up". You can't give anything to other people if you don't first take care of yourself because if you do that, you will burn yourself out - one way or another.

You're being asked to communicate your needs in relationships to those you care to continue to have one with. Now is the time to bring in new ideas about communication and your ideas of how you'd like to experience a relationship - friendship, romance, work, and more. You need to speak up. You may worry that if you rock the boat so to say, then you'll experience conflict; you're worried you will lose people you consider important; you may worry that no one cares for you the same way you care for everyone else. The thing is, you have the ability to bring abundant and nurturing energy to not only others, but also yourself. Everything blooms around you - because of you. It's okay, and it's time, to put yourself first, especially since for so long you've done the complete opposite. You should likely do some meditation and thinking about what it is you need in order to feel appreciated in a relationship, and if people are not willing to meet said needs, then it's time to cut yourself free and find independence from those who are not willing to meet your needs.

You deserve to have people around you that make you feel safe and supported. Relationships (of all kinds) are not one-way streets where you should be the only person driving. They need to be reciprocal or else you're just giving yourself away until you're withered down to nothing, and that is not sustainable. Not now; not ever.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"What Are We" by Inayah

"Treat You Better" by Shawn Mendes

"Know Better" by Tinashe

"Lost One" by Jazmine Sullivan

"break up with your girlfriend, i'm bored (live)" by Ariana Grande

Cards:

Six of Cups, Seven of Swords, The Hanged Man, Nine of Wands, Four of Pentacles, Page of Swords (Rx), Three of Cups, The Magician

Reading:

You might be feeling very nostalgic right now or as of recent. You could have feelings for a childhood or long-term friend or this friend has feelings for you. You could have recently gotten back into contact with them and they realized their feelings or you realized yours. One person may be trying to make a move towards the other, but the other person is closed off, possibly lying to themselves about how they actually feel about the person who is being honest about theirs. This could also apply differently in that one person is in a relationship where they're being lied to, manipulated, or cheated on. The other person could realize what's happening and think, "they don't deserve that; I would treat them so much better - I wish they could see that". In both situations, there's a feeling of suspension and restriction in some way. Someone could be afraid of making a move or falling for someone else.

The way this message came in for you, pile three, was different from the others since technically only two songs are considered shufflemancy; the other three were channeled during a time I wasn't doing a reading. To me, this means this message is a little more urgent and that you need to make a move or decision quicker than those who chose other piles. For those of you who may be thinking, "maybe this isn't for me", some other signs this could be for you are 7/77/777, heavy Sagittarius and Leo energy or placements, heavy or significant Saturn transit aspects, and/or someone with Jupiter in retrograde in their natal chart.

Moving on, you're being asked to have some courage and gather the strength needed to face your fears. For those of you who are in a relationship, maybe your current significant other isn't who you think they are; maybe they've broken your trust many times, or held you back from things that make you happy, or create an environment of love that isn't safe or preferred in some way. You deserve (and can receive) a better type of love and commitment from other people than the person you're with right now if you're feeling they aren't appreciating you. Be willing to demand more for yourself because you deserve it; you are worth it.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐕

Shufflemancy:

"Still Into You" by Paramore

"Water Me" by Lizzo

"Miss Murder" by AFI

"Love Killa" by Monsta X

"Sicko Mode" by Travis Scott (feat. Drake)

Cards:

Page of Swords, Five of Wands (Rx), Seven of Cups, King of Wands, Judgment, The Sun, Two of Wands

Reading:

Choosers of pile four, you're being asked to be willing to share your ideas and feelings more than you are currently. You are entering a new phase of life where not talking and keeping your thoughts to yourself will not serve you. You may be receiving new opportunities of different kinds (jobs/internships for some of you, new friendships and relationships, etc.), and there's a need for you to no longer avoid confrontations in order to have peace, but instead you need to speak up and find a compromise for you and the other person or people. There's a way to have both of your needs met rather than just one person's.

Moving on, you may need to make quick choices soon. Some of you may have been dreaming about working in a certain field or meeting someone specific, and that wish could be coming to fruition. There may be a vast array of options, but make sure you're making the right choice and not falling for the illusionary and fanatical ones; go over what your options carefully. When you finally make a decision, be bold in it and don't waver - someone could try to persuade you to do something other than what you want, but you'll need to stand up for yourself; this could be why you're being told to speak up more now. Be willing to take action and be a leader when it comes to what it is you want to achieve.

When making this decision, follow your intuition, logic, and heart. Think of what it is you want to come out of what you've wanted for so long; what are your true desires? What is it that you want to experience? Have confidence in your abilities and also in the thought that everything you want and dreamed of could absolutely happen for you. Have faith in yourself. Allow yourself to experience the happiness you dreamed of and always wanted. Be willing to make moves forward in your life. Don't allow others or yourself (as a result of anxieties) to hold you back from your potential.

#tarot #oracle #pick a card #PAC #tarotblr #sunkissedchld #Spotify

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n3tworksucks · 1 year

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i was wondering if you would write hc about carl dating a girl w depression ? or like how he would act in a relationship when his partner is struggling mentally

HEYY GUYS, IM BACKK. SORRY IF ITS KINDA BAD, IM GETTING USED TO WRITING AGAIN.

warnings; mental illness, medication, lmk

word count;660

so, let's say yall were friends before you started dating, yeah?

so if you told him when you guys were friends, obviously he'd care and he'd say he'd be there for you.

which wasn't a lie.

he really was there for you and he really did care.

but when you guys started dating, and once he realized, like, what was happening to you.

it was a whole nother level of care.

and before, of course he new how bad depression is, probably being able to see it a lot, but its different now.

hes still there for you and he tells you a lot.

I can see him already being clingy, so I can see him being with you a lot.

not even just because you're struggling mentally, but because he's your boyfriend and he loves you.

but if you want your space, he totally understands and will give you all the time in the world, he'll wait for you.

he'd wait behind a closed door, or he'd wait at his house and with you at yours.

speaking of, he doesn't mean to be all on you about this, and he knows you can take care of yourself.

but sometimes he doesn't want you to be home alone a lot.

he'd want you to stay the night or two at his house.

again, not just because you're struggling. he loves you, and his family too..

or if you have a rough home situation, he'd 100% tell you you can stay however long you need to.

though he had to convince fiona a little bit about that, because she doesn't wanna feel like she has to take care of you as well, and don't get me wrong, she loves you and wants you around, but she just needed a bit of reassurance I guess.

but in the end, she, and the rest of the family welcomed you with open arms.

so back to carl.

if you take any medication, he'd honestly try his best at not trying to bug you about it.

like asking if you've taken them today.

but when he does, hes not just doing it for you, hes asking for himself as well, so that he knows your gonna be ok.

and I can see you and Ian kinda relating to each other for that, like talking about how it could be annoying, but you're happy he cares.

or if you see a therapist, he'd be more than happy to take you, and if not, that's ok.

if you're just feeling really, really down, you don't wanna get out of bed, no motivation to do anything.

he'd try and help somehow.

like bringing you food or water, or staying in bed with you. or he'd even clean a bit for you. only for you.

and if you're just struggling with school maybe, he'd offer to help with what he can, and he'd feel kinda bad if he can't help, but after he tries, he'd go to lip for help, then help you.

and if you're dating before he left for military school, when he decided to go, he really thought about it.

he didn't wanna leave you, but once you told him to do it for the 20th time, he went lol.

the day before he leaves, he spends the whole day with you, telling you how much he loves you.

and just as hes leaving, and saying goodbye, he'd hug you the longest, and give you kisses on you're face and he'd tell you how much he loves you.

in general, his go-to when it comes to trying to comfort you is physical touch, next to that is affirmations.

he loves hugging you, and kissing you, and telling you how much you mean to him and stuff like that, it makes him feel good too.

even if he doesn't 100% know what you're going through in particular, he'd try his best to and hes doing his best.

#carl gallagher #carl gallagher hcs #carl gallagher headcanons #carl gallagher x reader #shameless x reader #shameless #shameless headcanons

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kitorin · 1 year

Text

boyfriend headcanons ! itoshi rin

contents. how you met, how you got to know each other, when he realized he liked you, how you started dating, dates, all fluff

warning. rin backstory spoilers, i can't write kiss scenes either, written with all lowercase intended, it's word vomit bc school has screwed me up mentally and i can't think properly atp lmao

a/n. reo, rensuke and yoichi ver coming soon, was supposed to be all four of them but tumblr didn't save some stuff so i lost motivation and i probably wrote too much for rin anyways

how you met

you were invited to hang out with a group of friends, but ended up hating it since you were basically invisible, since everyone else were talking about a common interest you didn't have

you ended up walking away, finding somewhere actually interesting, and found a muji store (minimalist retailer that sells a lot of household items and more), and had your own fun, looking through stationary, skin care, nice clothes, and more.

you were having a great time until you heard someone from the hangout looking for you and calling

rin who notices your panic right next to him, questions what's wrong (not necessarily out of concern, honestly probably because he may have found it slightly irritating)

after you explain your situation briefly, he nods and finds you somewhere to hide, and goes to deal with your friend

he's got perfect control over his facial expressions, he'd easily lie and even if your friend was persistent, he'd still scare him away

"haven't seen them in here, they left a while ago and you better stop yelling,"

"are you sure-?"

"yes. now piss off and stop disturbing everyone here,"

once he's sure your friend's gone, he goes back to where he instructed you to hide, giving you the clear

"i hope that lukewarm asshole wasn't your ex."

you're slightly amused at the word 'lukewarm' it wasn't a typical description you'd hear often. "nope, i'd never date him. thank you so much though. i really appreciate it, please let me do a favor for you"

before he can object, you grab a sample pen, scrawling your number on his hand, "send me a text and i'll do my best to help you with anything okay?" you send him a smile as his eyes widen in shock, "bye kind stranger, have a great day," and before he could respond, you were gone, rushing out the store out of embarrassment for not being able to slip away from your friend uncaught.

how he got to know you

[unknown number] : i really don't need a favor you know?

i hated that idiot anyways, loud and annoying

[you] : don't careeee, i want to make it up to you somehow, please?

i'm y/n, you?

[unknown number] : rin, itoshi rin

after he gave in to your offer, you ended up tutoring him, he didn't care about grades but his high school had a rule of requiring a certain standard of grades to compete in tournaments

turns out he wasn't even a bad student, he's diligent and consistent, he only needed a little bit of guidance and advice, with math being the exception

in between sessions, during breaks and outside of your tuition you'd talk a lot, considering how rin has no friends ("neither do you, your toxic ass friends shouldn't count" he replies when you realize it) and you're patient enough to deal with his personality

even after he has his grades up you still hangout with each other, watching horror movies, playing horror games, reading horror novels / comics (you introduced him to junji ito), and he'd even teach you some soccer when you visit his training. he also tries out all your hobbies and favourite things to do and eat

you two spend so much time together, simply because one has no other friends and the other has no healthy friendships

how he knew he liked you

BRO WAS IN DENIAL. FOR. SO. FUCKING. LONG.

he thought he had a health problem or fever when he felt his face getting hot, or that odd sensation in his stomach, or his heart relentlessly pounding against his chest

he tries to research it, doesn't believe it when he sees all those love related posts, so he literally goes to a doctor

his doctor probably almost instantly realized, and had to deal with rin's denial

"you experience these 'symptoms' with a certain someone, don't you?" the doctor doesn't even bother with noting down anything, he's 100% sure and knows it's perfectly in character for rin to do something like this

"that's not possible- that doesn't make se-," he pauses, and recalls that he only felt that way when it came to you, "... yes," he's sort of bashful, slightly embarrassed but quickly composes himself again. 'i apologise for doubting you, please continue,"

"no worries," with a grin, his doctor prepared leave and meet his next patient, "i diagnose you with love sickness,"

when i tell you, this man fucking asked him what meds to take and what to do as self treatment

his poor doctor mentally face palmed himself, sat himself back down and had a (long) talk with this emotionally repressed boy

rin still insists it's something medically wrong, but he's soon shoo-ed out of the office, while hastily being told to make sure he's honest with his feelings, otherwise it never goes right

back at home, he's lying in bed, revising what his doctor said

"rin you need to learn how to acknowledge your emotions. i understand they're confusing and i'm not a therapist, but you can't keep denying it. it's just as unhealthy to neglect your emotions as it is to ignore an injury,"

...

denial huh?

he thinks of you and his heart once again can't calm down, his face burns and his stomach is doing somersaults. he buries his face in his palm, groaning. he hated anything unfamiliar, anything that he couldn't navigate with confidence, or fully comprehend.

"do you really despise it? or do you refuse to acknowledge your feelings because you've never experienced something like this,"

his doctor's advice comes back to him, and he thinks.

if he truly loathed how you made him feel, why is he still hanging out with you, why is he still investing his time into you, why do you make him so damn happy?

he passed out eventually completely lost in thought

how you ended up dating

some time passes and you finally have the courage to confess to him only to receive a cold "i don't feel the same way," a complete lie

accepting his emotions was one thing, accepting a relationship is another. he could immediately feel regret clawing at his stomach, he wanted to tell you. badly, how much he likes you, your patience, intelligence, your kindness, literally everything

yet nothing comes out. only his stoic and stupid facade's character

you walk away after mumbling out an apology for making things awkward, and rin's left there standing, finger nails digging crescents of frustration into his palm

he's overwhelmed with his thoughts, some insisting for him to give up and accept that he fucked up, others demanding him to move and fix things

what would be worse than losing you, anyways?

and that last thought was the final push, he's basically sprinting towards you, soon his arms are wrapped around you, releasing a gasp of surprise from you.

"ri-?"

"i lied," rin blurts, internally screaming at himself to just say it, "i lied, i know i shouldn't have and i'm sorry. but i like you too much, i can't express or understand my feelings, i don't know anything about relationships or love either, and i wanted to hide how i felt so i wouldn't get hurt,"

"rin-," he doesn't let you finish, ignoring your whisper.

"but i don't care, i like you so much that i'm willing to risk hurting myself, anything's worth it if i can be with you, spend time with you, and love you. if it's for you i'd overcome all my fears of love. i can't afford love, but if it's for you i don't care anymore,"

"you're perfect, you always have been," he concludes his speech, almost breathless from how rushed it was. scarlet was dusted all over his face, teal eyes wide open.

that fact rin, someone who's never been good at communication, went this far to express how he feels for you, warms your heart even more.

"rin?"

"yes?"

"may i kiss you?"

somehow, he blushes even more, and as he nods your lips press together.

dates + other headcanons

MOVIE NIGHTS !! not at cinemas though since he prefers the comfort and privacy of his room, and doesn't like how loud or dirty cinemas can get

doesn't want to force you into anything too scary, but he secretly enjoys it when you end up clinging onto him

since he struggles with articulating his emotions, he likes using playlists and songs to (die for you - weeknd, shinunoga iiwa - fujii kaze, love, maybe - melomance, sweet - cigarettes after sex, COME INSIDE OF MY HEART - IV SPADES SUITS HIM SO WELL)

he's not a fan of pda, yet he wants to show you off to everyone he knows

if you genuinely like soccer and have an interest in it (obviously doesn't want to force you to watch 90 minutes of a sport you don't like) he'd watch his favourite games with you, even books tickets for the both of you if there are any good teams competing nearby

also takes great interest in your sports !! reads a lot about them so he can discuss them with you, and if you also compete in sports he puts together a training routine for you and asks to go to the gym together (say yes dumbass)

SURFINGGGG !! since he grew up in kamakura, he loves the beach and went to swim and surf a lot as a kid and would love to do it again with you, even if he hasn't done it in ten years (same rin, same). same with hiking too (kamakura's also famous for it as well)

visits the store with you where he always bought ice blocks with sae, the same lady who worked there when sae and rin still got around is still there, congratulates him for getting a partner, is proud of him

he's a great listener too, he prefers it over speaking a lot and you can talk to him about anything, whether you're talking shit about someone (he'd join in and start swearing) and or you're hyperfixating on your interests

whenever he gets a question related to his love life he takes a moment to blush when he thinks of you, pauses to compose himself (keeps you a secret for your privacy from the media), then says with a straight face that soccer is a priority, but everyone knows he's lying

©kouyun : do not repost, plagiarize, change, or translate

#itoshi rin #itoshi rin x reader #blue lock x you #blue lock x y/n #blue lock x reader #itoshi rin blue lock #fluff #headcanons #blue lock headcanons #blue lock

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sacredthethreadgvf · 1 year

Text

Sunshine On My Shoulders | Josh Kiszka x Reader

Warnings: SMUT!!! MINORS DNI! Josh being an asshole sorry, mentions of fearing thunderstorms, smoking the herb, fluff and angst..(if I missed any let me know)

Word Count: 11k+ get cozy friends

A/N: Hello. Hi. It has been SO long since I have had the motivation to sit down and write a fic but I wanted to share this little piece with you all. Who doesn't love a good friends to lovers trope with some spice in the mix? Go easy on me though, like I said it's been a little while since I have posted anything like this and it is so terribly edited…

Huge shoutout to @streamingcolors-gvf and @myfriendtheghost. Without either of you, I don't think this would have made it out of the dusty drafts in my google docs. I appreciate you both so very much.

Enjoy.

******************************************************************

The squeaky wheels of the shopping cart you were pushing were beginning to annoy you. The dull beep of items being scanned tuned out in your ears as a white noise to the god awful rattle of this stupid cart you had. How did you always manage to get the one cart with the broken wheel every time you went to the store? You hate grocery shopping. Too much noise, too many people all scrambling around to load up carts with fresh produce and frozen dinners for their families, and the gaudy white lights, ugh! You figured since you loved people watching so much you would enjoy being nosey and stare into people's carts to see what they had, I mean you may have missed something good back in the bakery aisle for all you knew. But you hated being here. You would rather instacart your groceries, or have curbside pick up than to venture into a store if you didn't have to.

But today was a last minute circumstance. A last minute circumstance for your best friend Josh. He had called you in a panic from a hotel room many states away a few days ago informing you that he had re hurt his already busted eardrum, and he had hurt it badly this time. Bad enough that he was coming home sooner than anticipated.He expressed to you over facetime how he felt he was helpless to take care of himself at times and for once, did not want to be left alone. So, he had asked you a favor. Deeming it the biggest favor he would ever ask of you and that he would pay you back at a later date to which you insisted against since it is what friends do for each other. Josh had asked you to come spend a few days with him so he could get settled back in at home. He had requested that you went to pick up some food for him on top of his medications that he needed to take for his ear. He had told you everything over the phone while you stood in your apartment and you tried your best to write everything down while he was rattling off specific ingredients for certain recipes. You had offered to make him his favorite soup for him that he had been complaining he missed so much these last few weeks on the road. He had swore it could cure all pain in an instant and you were determined to make it for him.

You two were going to be staying in the boy's vacation home, a nice little cabin in the hills of Tennessee so he could ‘get away from Jake and his amps’ for a while and immerse himself in nature. You of course happily obliged to his every request. Secretly pining on him for months now, you'd take any chance to spend time with him while he was home.

So this is how you ended up where you currently were, one of your least favorite places on the face of the planet earth. But if it was for him, you'd suck it up any day of the week.

With your car full of grocery bags and a packed duffle bag you began your trek to the hills of Tennessee outside of the bustling city of Nashville that you have been able to call home for the last couple of years. The drive was peaceful. You had made it a few times before after having the pleasure of being invited to a small weekend getaway with the boys and their lovers. Many memories were made in that cabin with your friends.

Pulling down the little dirt road that led to the cabin you weren't sure if you were giddy with excitement or if it was your brain trying its best to cover up your anxiousness. You were going to be spending the next few days with Josh alone. You've never had the chance to spend one on one time without Josh's brothers hanging out nearby or even just other people in general hanging around.

Seeing the cabin coming into view through the trees you saw Josh's Jeep already parked out front. “Hey Siri? Call Josh.” Even with the cabin being tucked away in the woods you were thankful cell service was still decently strong.

The phone rang a few times over the speakers in your car, “Hello?”

“Hey! I have arrived!” You announced as you put your car into park.

“Okay, the front door is unlocked. Need any help?”

“I got it Josh, dont worry about it!” You reached over your front seat to grab your purse and water bottle, preparing yourself to load up your arms with groceries and such.

“Okay, see you soon Sunny.”

Sunny..

Josh had given you the nickname Sunshine shortly after you two met and it had been shortened to Sunny after a while. He had told you that you reminded him of the warm sun on the first day of spring after the weather broke from a cold winter. That you lit up a room so effortlessly when you were around and had the ability to make everyone around you happy. And that's when you knew that you were in trouble. Your heart belonged to him but it felt so unrequited at times. His little touches he would graze over your skin when he thought no one was looking, the winks he would shoot your direction after he made a joke that caused you to laugh wildly, the blush you could swear would paint his cheeks when you would make flirty remarks..

And yet, whenever you felt like the line between friends would be crossed, he would pull away. The touches would become more sparse and you noticed he wouldn't look in your direction as often as he used to. But then he would jump right back in a few days later as if nothing happened. As if his cold behavior was just a minor occurrence. It confused you wildly. So you settled for pining after him and keeping him as close as he could be to you, as friends. As long as he was in your life, you didn't care.

You gathered up the grocery bags along your arms, clearly hurting yourself slightly in the process but you'll be damned if you had to make another trip. Unfortunately for you, you had abandoned your duffel bag back in the car and only realized it as you were pushing the front door of the house open. Josh had been spread out on the couch, writing furiously away in his journal as he had finally been able to put some finishing touches on the lyrics to a new song when he heard you. He saw you through the little archway in between the foyer, kitchen and living room.

“Sunny!” He beamed. “Oh my gosh, hang on, let me help you!”

Your arms were beginning to weaken at the heaviness of the bags but you shook your head wildly as he came bounding towards you.

‘You will do no such thing mister! Go sit back down!”

You tried to pull away from Josh's fingers grasping at the handles of the bags leaving red marks on your arms but didn't succeed as he pulled a few of them away from you.

“Sunny, don't be so stubborn, I feel okay right now!” He smiled widely at you, his dimple making an appearance on his cheek. You tried not to stare as you felt yourself redden in the face. Had you forgotten how he was so cute while he was away? How is it even possible that he came home more attractive..

You walked with him the short distance to the kitchen and after unloading the bags from your arms Josh walked towards you and gave you a side hug. “Thanks again for doing this for me Sunny.”

“Of course.” You smiled up at him.

“Did you hear about the storms that are supposed to happen tonight?” He asked, back turned towards you while you both started unloading the groceries.

“I did, yes! Are you prepared? I heard the wind might be bad and the power will go out because of that.”

Josh stopped and threw a cheeky smile over his shoulder at you. “And who said the power was going to go out?”

“Me! This cabin is in the middle of nowhere, I will give you $100 if the power does not go out.”

“Deal Sunny!” He smirked.

His smirk quickly diminished on his face as he felt a pain radiating through his ear to his jaw, you watched as he winced slightly.

“You okay?” You softly asked.

“Yeah..I mean, no. But it's okay.”

Josh turned his attention back towards the grocery bags and you. You were beating yourself up mentally for not really being able to carry on or start a conversation with him now that you two were alone together. There was easily so much you two could talk about right now. You were trying to rack your brain on whether or not you wanted to ask him about tour so soon because it was such a touchy subject right now. Or even bring up the state of his ear, deciding against that as well as it might add insult to injury. Just as you were about to ask him how his trip home was, Josh broke the silence in the room.

“Chicken broth?”

“Huh?” You responded.

“You got chicken broth?” Josh raised his voice slightly at you causing you to shrink back. Your eyes go wide at his tone of voice.

“I…- Josh..was I not supposed-...” You started rambling. Shocked at how he was speaking to you.

“Why the fuck would you get chicken broth for a vegetarian soup?!” You watched as he pinched the bridge of his nose and spun around. Your heart sank and started to quicken in your chest as your brain tried to comprehend how Josh's voice and attitude towards you changed at the flip of a switch. I mean you just got here..

He's never ever used that voice with you before with you and now..your arms began to stiffen at the rush of adrenaline coursing through your veins and you started to ramble.

“Josh I- I don't know why I didn't think of-”

“Of course you didn't think. I mean why would that make any sense!” He snapped, still facing away from you in the kitchen.

“I'm sorry. I don't know why I-..”

“Just..-stop..now we can't have the soup. The one thing you knew I was looking forward to for the last few days. You think I can have chicken broth?! Useless..” Josh whispered the last part.

Your heart sank heavy in your chest. You had positively ruined the one thing Josh asked you to do for him. Your head had snapped up to look at him at his last word he chose to mutter out, only to see his eyes wide already looking at you. You felt like the two of you were standing there for hours, neither of you making a move. He watched as your eyes began to fill with tears and your face turned red.

You snatched your keys off the counter just as the first shaky breath of what felt like a panic attack coming on made its way through your chest.

You had to go, you had to get out of this house before he saw you break down. You couldn't let him see you like this.

You hastily slipped on your shoes not caring if you even put them on the correct foot and pushed the front door of the house open making haste to your car in the driveway. All the while you could hear Josh repeatedly calling out your name from behind you trying to stop you. It wasn't until he had successfully grabbed your arm while you were trying to get into the front seat of your car did you stop. By now you had tears spilling down your cheeks and you refused to look directly at him.

“Y/N please, Y/N I'm sorry I didn't mean it-..” He pleaded with you, grip strong on your left arm.

“Josh, please let me go.” you let out a shaky breath, closing your eyes causing more tears to rush down your cheeks.

“No,” He paused to wipe a stray tear falling down your cheek. “No, I'm not letting you go. I'm sorry Y/N I didn't mean what I said back there. I need you here, with me, please.”

“But why did you say all that..why did you talk to me like that.” You let out a shaky breath, looking down at your feet.

“Y/N I promise I didn't mean it, I've been irritated with other things and I kind of took it out on you and I shouldn't have. Not that that is a good excuse to say anything like that to you. I-I'm sorry.”

Josh's chest was rapidly rising and falling as he was looking at you. “Please please stay. I didn't mean it.”

You pushed him away from you.

“You don't think I know that!” You yelled at him.

You watched his face turn white as you connected your now bloodshot eyes with his own.

“Josh, you don't think I know half of the shit that you've been going through?! We talk almost every single day! I know how you haven't been feeling good and for crying out loud and I know this set back on tour is a lot to handle.I come here to help you out because you asked me to and because you're my best friend and you yell at me and call me useless right after I walk through your front door? Useless?! Seriously get fucked.” You turned away from him again grabbing your car door handle only for his arm to reach past your shoulder and shove it closed.

“Y/N, please..!”

“Josh, let me fucking GO!”

He held his arm steady against the crease of the car door and you snapped your eyes at his face and glared at him the best you could. You hoped that your piercing glare would get the message across. You watched as he drew his lips together in a tight line and rubbed his nose against his white sleeve before looking back at you. You crossed your arms and continued to glare at him.

Just as he was about to begin speaking to you again you clicked the little red button on your key fob and the car alarm started blaring. You lifted your chin at him in defiance.

You watched as his face dropped, as if you could read his face saying ‘really?’.

He rolled his eyes. “Y/N. Seriously?”

“Yes seriously. Get off my car you fucking criminal.”

“Criminal?” He glared at you.

“Yes criminal! You're holding me hostage!”

He giggled, arm still perched against your car door, alarm still blaring.

“You know there's 3 other doors you can crawl into this vehicle through. I'm not doing anything.” You watched as the corners of his mouth were fighting off a smile, his eyes gave it away though how funny you were to him which only fueled the anger you felt.

“Fuck you Joshua!”

Your anger intensified even more as he laughed out loud. “I'm just saying Sunny! You're more than capable of getting into your vehicle right now!”

“You're so annoying!”

“Oh yeah? What else?” His stupid smirk was beginning to break through your tough barrier without you even realizing it.

“You're an asshole! A prick! The worst person I've positively ever met in my entire life!”

“Wow, Sunny. I never thought I'd see your true colors!” He finally threw a full smile in your direction which quickly fell as he watched your eyes narrow even further at him.

You turned your back to him then. Car alarm still going off.

You heard him sigh. “Y/N? Sunny? I'm sorry I yelled at you and said you were useless. That was totally out of line for me and I don't know why I even said it in the first place because you are the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time. I don't think I would be able to survive without you to be honest. I'd probably be stuck on the side of the road somewhere like a lost puppy if it weren't for you keeping me in check and taking such good care of me. Will you please forgive me for the horrid, horrid comment I made in the kitchen? Let me make it up to you.”

You didnt turn back to face him, but you clicked that little red button on your key fob and your car went quiet. You heard him let out a breath behind you. You began tapping your foot against the gravel. Were you really about to forgive this asshole? Probably. I mean he was right that he wouldn't be able to survive without you..and his stupid cute face, his smile and those dimples were your ultimate kryptonite..

“Fine Joshua. I will stay, but understand you have some major, major groveling to do.”

You turned back to face him and Josh whisked you into his arms faster than you could blink.

You felt his arms wrap around you and a hand immediately finding its place on the back of your head holding you tight like you were going to slip away at any moment. Your arms did not reciprocate, only loosely wrapping around his torso as he clung to you like his life depended upon it.

The sadness in your chest had dissipated. Not into comfort, warmth, or happiness. The anger stuck.

“Josh, why would you even say something like that to me in the first place though?” You pulled your head away from his grasp to look at him directly. You could see the remorse still painted clearly across his face. Just as he was about to open his mouth and respond, the sound of tires crunching on gravel cut you both short.

Josh sighed and looked between you and the car that was approaching. “My mom is here.”

He dropped his arms from around you and you watched as he opened your back seat door and grabbed your duffle bag, slinging it over his right shoulder.

“Hey kids!” Karen greeted you both with a wide smile stepping out of her car. “What's up!”

Both you and Josh put up appearances as if, whatever it was, didn't just happen between you two.

“Hey mama!” Josh walked around the front of the car to give his mom a big hug.

“Hey Mrs. Kiszka” You waved at her with a small smile.

“Did you just get here honey? I hope I wasn't interrupting anything.” She shot a wink at Josh, which to his luck, you had missed but his cheeks now sported a light pink color.

“Yeah, I was just helping her unload her things ma.”

“Oh perfect, then you can grab these bags from my car too!” She opened the back seat of her car. “I stopped to pick up some groceries for you since I know you've been on tour for so long, figured I'd help restock the fridge.”

Josh whispered a soft thank you. Neither of you made a move to mention that you had just gone grocery shopping for him not a few hours ago.

“Let me help too Mrs.Kiszka.” You smiled and held an open arm for her to place grocery bags into.

“Thank you sweetheart!”

*****************************************************************

You, Josh and Karen had successfully brought all 6 grocery bags into the house without an issue setting them onto the counter next to where the already more than empty grocery bags from your trip now sat.

“Oh! I didn't realize that you had already done some grocery shopping sweetie!” Karen said, beginning to unload fresh carrots from a brown paper bag.

Josh cleared his throat and glanced across the kitchen island at you, giving you a small smile. “Yeah, Y/N here was generous enough to go for me today. She even picked up my medicine that I needed since I still cannot really drive due to random bouts of vertigo.”

“Ohh how sweet of you Y/N” Karen said. “Thank you for taking such good care of Joshua for me. He always speaks highly of you and I can see why.”

“You're welcome Mrs.Kiszka, of course” You smiled at her sheepishly, your cheeks now sporting a red hue.

You had only met Karen a few times and had a few brief conversations with her. For some reason she made you nervous. I guess that's what happens when you are crushing on somebody's son who loves their mother more than anything. You constantly hope for approval from them.

You were blissfully unaware that Josh was watching your every move. He found it endearing how nervous you got around his mother, how you fidgeted with your fingers and blushed furiously.

“Joshua, stop staring and help me unpack these groceries?” Karen smirked in his direction.

You watched as Josh's face now matched yours in color.

Was he really just staring at you? What the fuck?

You were in the middle of unpacking eggs from the bottom of a brown paper bag when Josh dropped an item onto the floor. “Fuck.” He murmured.

He bent down to pick it up just as you snapped your eyes in his direction. You watched as he locked eyes with you and set the container of vegetable broth back on the counter as Karen was behind you clearing out space in the fridge.

“Joshua Michael, you have moldy fruit in here..”

Josh's eyes snapped behind you to look at his mom while she was scolding him.

You were focused on the container of veggie broth sitting on the kitchen counter now, almost taunting you.

You felt overwhelmed all of a sudden and you hastily finished clearing out the bag in front of you. “I'm going to excuse myself to take a shower if you two don't mind. I feel a little gross after running around all of Nashville today.”

“Of course sweetie!” Karen said, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and giving you a light squeeze. You smiled at her and leaned into the side hug. Karen gave the best hugs.

Josh nodded at you. “Upstairs and straight back in the hallway is the bathroom. There should be fresh towels. If they're not out, the third cabinet on the left should have some fresh towels.”

“Thanks.”

Josh gave you a small smile and reached to grab the moldy blueberry container that Karen had begun waving around again.

****************************************************************

The hot water pouring from the shower head felt divine against your sore muscles. You took your time scrubbing, exfoliating, standing underneath the hot stream of water and letting the water cascade down your face or your back. You weren't in a rush to get out of the shower. Not when it felt this good, and not when you were trying to avoid being downstairs again. You were still upset that Josh had even spoken to you in such a way over something as small as Chicken broth. But as you mulled it over in the water some more, you couldn't really believe yourself but you started to empathize with his little outburst due to the recent events and you still felt slightly guilty that you couldn't deliver the one thing he kept bringing up over and over again the last few days. Almost as if the universe had a vendetta against you, you felt the hot water turn lukewarm and then almost ice cold instantly as the water reserve from the hot water tank drained in its entirety.

You let out a groan as you realized your time in the shower had now come to an end unfortunately.

You grabbed the white fluffy towels sitting on the counter next to you and wrapped your body up, trying to warm back up as the water had really put a damper on your skin temp. Thankfully, you had remembered to grab your duffle bag from the bottom of the staircase where Josh had left it before you came upstairs.

Putting on your favorite comfy clothes and taking the time to do your after shower routine, you realized you really couldn't stay upstairs much longer.

Opening the bathroom door, the smell of spices and comfort food filled your senses. It had been a long time since you had a good home cooked meal and your tummy grumbled loud to remind you of such.The frozen dinners and the take out during the week had turned into an often occurrence for you when you were in a pinch. And it felt like you were in a pinch very often these days.

You were about to start descending down the stairs when you caught hushed voices coming from the kitchen.

“...I was so mean to her mama, I really messed up.” You heard Josh plead.

“You know Josh,” You heard Karen hush back. “That girl cares about you. A lot. I can see that very clearly from the few times that I have spent with all of you. You are my son yes but you know I don't sugar coat shit. I am surprised she even stayed.”

“Me too.”

“You will have some making up to do no doubt. But I think you are off to a great start here.”

While you were doing your best to go unnoticed by the two in the kitchen, you hadn't realized the banister you were leaning against at the top of the stairs wasn't the steadiest unfortunately. Just your luck, one of the screws had popped out of the wall that was holding said banister up and rolled quite loudly down the wooden steps until it made it to the bottom of the staircase.

You rushed down after it, beat red in the face. Picking it up you looked up and made eye contact with Josh and Karen who were both trying hard not to laugh.

“Im sooo sorry Josh! I didnt mean to break-..”

Josh held his hand up, “Let me guess, top screw from the banister. That fucking thing will never stay in the wall.” He shook his head and made his way over to you. He touched your elbow as you put the screw into his extended hand and you two held each others gaze for a brief moment before you broke away from his touch.

“Well you two, I am out of here.” Karen said, grabbing her purse from the counter.

“You're not staying for dinner mama?” Josh asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“I do have other children, Joshua. Plus, I promised Jacob I would spend the night at his house since Jita is out of town currently. You're in good hands here anyways.” She shot a wink in your direction.

You flushed and watched as her and Josh shared an embrace before she approached you.

“If you need anything honey, my phone number is on the fridge.” She pulled you into her embrace and you two squeezed each other.

“Don't let him get into too much trouble now.” She whispered.

“And you two stay safe! Joshua if anything happens I'm a call away.” She said as she approached the front door.

“Thank you mama!”

“Thanks Mrs.Kiszka”

“You two behave yourselves!” She winked at you both as the front door shut.

“Hi” Josh smiled at you sheepishly.

“Hey.” You responded.

“I made my famous pasta dish if you're hungry.” He gestured behind him.

“I thought I was supposed to be making dinner for you tonight.” Your eyebrows furrowed as you made your way to the barstool directly across from him. “Also, was I in the shower that long?”

He laughed and turned around to spoon contents from the pan on the stove into a white bowl.

“Not terribly long, no. Also, I cannot promise this is the best thing you will ever eat but,” He set a bowl in front of you. “Consider this an apology?”

“Not the best thing? Josh, I thought this was your ‘famous pasta dish’!” You grinned at him.

“Oh shove it!” He matched your smile.

You brought a forkful of the hot contents up to your mouth enjoying the flavors of the sauce and the herbs mixing together in perfect harmony. It was easily one of the best things you have tasted in awhile. “I accept your apology, I think.”

******************************************************************

Not a few hours later you sat with bellies full of pasta, wine and the two of you were now picking at Josh’s version of a desert charcuterie board which consisted of graham crackers, fruit, marshmallows and chocolates that he scoured his cabinets for, minus the blueberries of course.

There was a comfortable silence between the two of you, John Denver’s voice filling the background. All that happened earlier was forgiven through bouts of shared laughter and talking through shared memories you had made together, and listening to the stories from the tour. The good ones only of course.

The first few notes of Sunshine on my Shoulders began to play through the speakers of the record player.

“Dance with me Sunny?” Josh asked, extending a hand out to you. “I know this is one of your favorite songs.”

You took his hand and watched as he gave you his signature wide smile that was only ever reserved for when he seemed to be truly happy. Josh pulled you softly into his arms, one hand laid on your lower back, the other holding your left hand. Your right arm comfortably lay underneath his left, feeling the strength of his back muscles through his yellow jacket he was sporting. You allowed yourself to truck your head into the crook of his neck, his smell consuming your senses. You could feel his steady heartbeat on the tip of your nose as you two swayed slowly in the kitchen.

If I had a day that I could give you

I'd give to you a day just like today

If I had a song that I could sing for you

I'd sing a song to make you feel this way

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy

Your heart almost stopped in your chest at the sound of him beginning to sing softly along with the lyrics. Only a few hours ago you were mad at him and now those feelings of frustration have been whisked away with the sound of his soft voice.

Fuck you wanted this man so bad. And who knows, maybe he did have feelings for you too. I mean, who else would just wrap someone up, swaying in a kitchen after drinking wine and enjoying a nice meal like that. But then again, you thought of what everyone who was close with Josh would say at dinner parties or late nights out at the bars.

“Josh doesn’t date. Don’t get your hopes up”

“Josh is picky about girls.”

“Josh is good at stringing girls along and breaking their hearts, I’ve seen it! It’s true! He gets close to these girls, takes them on a few dates or has them over and then never talks to them again.”

“He’s not called the heartbreaker for nothing.”

You were no longer focusing on the song or Josh's soft humming, more on the intoxicating feeling of him, the smell of him and the thought that he could rip your heart to shreds in an instant. Everything about Josh invited you in and kept a strong hold on your heart. You felt the pang of sadness course through your heart at the thought that you could probably never have this man in your life the way you wanted. You would never be able to experience the feeling of being swept up in his arms after a long day. The feeling of his lips across your skin. How he looked in the morning all curled up in his bed right here at home.

Your body must have stiffened slightly in Josh's arms and of course he noticed the change immediately.

“Sunny? Everything okay?” He asked, pulling back away from you a bit to look down at your face.

“Huh?” You tried to play it off. “Oh, yeah, yes, I just…have a bit of a headache coming on. Too much wine probably.”

You knew he knew it was a lie, you could see it clear as day on his face. You two each only had maybe 3 glasses and this man has watched you pound tequila sodas and shots and still be able to function almost completely fine. But for some reason he didn’t press you for a further explanation.

“Want some tylenol?” He asked, disconnecting your bodies from one another. His hands rested softly in the bottoms of your elbows.

You shrugged, “Sure. I might head to bed though. These headaches can end up being bad if I don’t get horizontal soon.”

He nodded and gave you a sad smile. “I get it, trust me. Let me grab some water for you too.”

You felt the tension in the room peak at an all time high for the first time tonight as you watched Josh float around his kitchen grabbing a glass, filling it up and emptying two pills into the palm of his hand. You graciously took the items from him.

You watched as Josh began to clean up the items in the kitchen before placing the now empty glass of water into the sink where Josh was currently scrubbing away at a pot.

“Goodnight Josh.” You bumped his shoulder awkwardly.

“Sleep well Sunny.” He bumped yours back.

You wrapped your arms around your torso almost in a protective manner, or almost as if you were cold and began to make your way up the staircase. You stopped at the 4th step and turned around. “Hey Josh?”

A smile spread on your face as you watched just his head poke out from behind the kitchen wall. “Yeah?”

“Thank you. For dinner, a-and for letting me stay here with you.”

He gave you a smile, “Of course Y/N. Thank you for staying.”

You nodded and turned back around heading towards the guest room on the opposite side of the hallway from Josh's room. The second the door clicked closed you felt overwhelmed again and tears began to pool in your eyes again.

God, you wanted him bad. You'd give anything.

****************************************************************

You woke up suddenly to a pitch dark room and a thumping heart, completely unsure as to why at first. Maybe a bad dream? Your eyes tried to adjust to the darkness around the room and you pulled the blankets up to your chin. You hated to admit it but sometimes being immersed in complete darkness made you unbelievably uncomfortable. Especially when you were in an unfamiliar place.

Which reminded you that you had a salt lamp on when you fell asleep in the room yet it was off. Why would it be off? You definitely didn’t turn it off. Maybe Josh popped in and turned it off while you were asleep?

Suddenly a bright flash filled the room and your heart rate picked up again, immediately anticipating the crash of thunder that followed. Yet you still felt yourself flinch underneath the covers of the warm bed as you felt the thunder shake the wood of the house as if it were easily breakable under immense force. With your senses now heightened you picked up on the sound of the wind howling outside, the sound of the rain picking up against the window pane. You were so lucky that the foot of the bed happened to be just at the edge of the window and right up against the exterior wall.

Another boom of thunder and you were now completely buried underneath the blankets. You never were a huge fan of thunderstorms, particularly at night. With the conclusion that you were probably not going to sleep anytime soon, you reached out of the safety of your blankets and snagged your phone off the bedside table, disconnecting it from the charger as it had no use when the power was out anyways.

12:32 AM.

You sighed and opened up your messages and clicked on your last message bar with Josh.

To Josh:

Hey. Any chance you're awake?

You laid there for a few moments, pulling up the weather app on your phone as the storm continued to pick up intensity outside.

Josh:

Just so happens that I am awake. I am downstairs, care to join?

You threw the covers off of yourself and turned the flashlight on your phone as you opened the bedroom door. You could see at the end of the hallway a soft glow of flickering orange. As you descended the stairs and into the living room you could see Josh clad in nothing but a white t-shirt and a pair of boxer briefs practically bouncing around the room with a lighter, lighting different candles in various parts of the room.

“Overkill much?” You huffed a laugh as he jumped at the sound of your voice.

“I would very much like to see where I am going in my house, Sunny.”

Another flash of lightning cut through the orange glow followed by a large boom of thunder once again testing the sturdiness of the house. You had winced from the flash and the sound of the thunder and didn't catch Josh looking at you now from across the room.

“You okay Sunny?”

“Yeah, thunderstorms… aren't really my thing.” You said as you made your way to the couch in the center of the room covered in blankets and pillows that weren't there earlier.

“I was going to come wake you actually, I'm glad you texted me. Figured it might be safer to shack up on the first floor of this house during the storms in case of anything bad happening.” He said as he made his way to the opposite end of the couch mirroring your position.

“You think something bad is going to happen?” You asked softly, pulling the blanket up to your chin.

Josh sat up straight quickly grabbing onto your covered foot. “No Sunny, gosh no! We are very safe here! I just wanted you to be downstairs with me so I could keep an eye on you. Especially more so now that I know you don't really like thunderstorms.” He gave you a sympathetic smile.

“I do feel better being down here with you Josh, thank you.”

“Of course Sunshine, anything for you.”

The shrill sound of an alert coming from both of your cellular devices caused you to jump practically into Josh's lap to which he let out a small giggle and wrapped his arm around your shoulders. “Its okay Sunny. I can't promise this little piece of technological imprisonment won't ruin your mind but I will do everything in my power to make sure it won't hurt you.” You watched as Josh swiped the notification away on his phone.

“What is the warning for Josh?” You asked in a small voice, heart once again pounding in your chest. You couldn't tell if the rush of adrenaline was from the loud shrill of a government alert or from the feeling of Josh's fingers softly rubbing your shoulder and the feather of his breath across your forehead. Both were most likely a contributing factor.

“Just a thunderstorm warning Sunny. But we will be okay. We have a sturdy shelter we are in right now, we have each other, I stand by my promise that I won't let anything hurt you.” He pulled you further into his lap then. Wrapping his arms around your waist and dragging you up until you laid in between his legs facing away from him, his legs lay on either side of your body.

Your heart leapt in your chest again. You were happy you were facing away from him so he couldn't see the deep red blush painted across your cheekbones as he moved your hair from the side of your face and neck to give him room to hang his head on your shoulder without having any barrier between his and your skin. The feeling of his breath through his nose on your neck was causing goosebumps to raise on your skin. The sound of the storm battering the windows and the soft feeling of his lips now grazing the side of your neck ever so slightly. Or you might just be imagining the feeling of his lips against you. Either way, his actions were causing your heart to continue to leap in your chest. He must've noticed because you felt the exhale of his breath come out fast against your pulse point.

“Sunny, like I said, no need to be nervous because of the storm-..”

Yeah, because your heart racing out of your chest was now solely because of the storm.

“I may or may not have a few joints pre rolled for special occasions”

“This is a special occasion? Me being terrified of a storm?”

Josh barked out a laugh against your ear. “Exactly so Y/N.”

“Well, I haven't really smoked in a long time, but why the hell not.” You rolled your eyes.

“That's the spirit!” Josh said, tapping the outside of your thigh to signal you to get up so he can retrieve said joints.

You watched from the comfort of your spot on the couch where Josh was just sitting moments before as he padded across the living room to a bookshelf. You watched him move a few books around before an “Aha!” sound came from his direction and he turned back to you with a little container. You watched as he waved the little box in the air and shot you a wink.

“Flounder!”

You snorted. “I'm sorry, flounder?”

Josh jumped back onto the couch spot next to you, his thighs pressing up against your calves as you were sitting cross legged facing him, giving you the perfect view of his side profile.

“Yeah Sunny! Flounder! Like, I-found-her. Don't tell me you don't get it!” He sent you a dazzling smile as he was unwrapping the bag containing the joints.

“You're such a goober, oh my god!” You laughed again, pushing your hand against the side of his shaved head.

*******************************************************************

A few minutes later you were now in a slight haze from the joint, feeling more relaxed now than you have since you were rudely awoken by the storm and the pitch black room. You and Josh were silently passing the joint back and forth between you, embracing the soft flickers of candle light together and surprisingly the more you set in, the less and less you were fearful of the rain hitting the windows.

“Sunny?” Josh asked, giggling slightly. “You good?”

You hadn't realized you zoned out and Josh had been holding the joint out to you again and you had failed to notice. “Huh? Oh! Yeah, I was just zoning out I guess.”

Josh giggled again, “No problem.”

You leaned your head back against the couch as you listened to Josh start to softly hum next to you in between puffing on the joint every once in a while.

“Sunny, you greened out or do you want to try and shotgun? The joint is almost gone, no pressure though..” He sounded nervous and his suggestion put you on edge. You knew how intimate shotgunning could be and the thought of being that close to Josh made your head spin.

“I guess I could take one more hit.”

“Atta girl,” Josh said, tapping your knee motioning for you to angle your body towards him. “It won't be that rough anyways, you know.”

You nodded, head spinning and heart beating wildly in your chest as he mirrored your position now.

“So how are we going to-..how do you want to-..how..” You stuttered out.

“Sunny, it's just me, relax, follow my lead.”

You gulped as his hand rested on your knee now. You watched as he brought the joint to his lips and pulled harshly. Causing the end of the joint to burn a bright orange. Quicker than you anticipated his eyes snapped up to your face, nostrils flared and he pulled your chin towards him.His lips now grazed yours ever so slightly, and your breath caught in your throat as you parted your lips slightly. The smoke escaped around the both of you as you had forgotten to inhale, easily intoxicated by the feeling of him being so close to you now. Josh let out a silent giggle, you could feel his plush lips turning up into a smile against yours.

Josh pulled back slightly and smiled at you. “Sunny, you forgot to inhale!”

You blushed furiously looking anywhere but his face, suddenly your hands seemed to be super interesting as your mouth grew dry. You weren't sure if it was from the weed or all the stress you have been through this entire evening. “Yeaaahh..oops?” You let out softly.

Josh giggled wildly. “You're adorable when you get flustered.”

Your eyes snapped to his face now, you watched as he took another inhale of the joint. “Who said I was flustered!”

He smiled as he exhaled and reached forward to knock the ash off the bottom of the joint into the ashtray sitting on the table. He turned back to you immediately after, lips twitching at the corners of his mouth.

“You look so pretty in the candlelight right now..” Josh whispered, his fingertips grazing your cheekbone, his eyes following his fingers.

You're unsure of who officially closed the distance first in your inebriated state of mind but next thing you knew his soft, plush, wet lips were softly pressed against yours. The feeling of his hand buried in your hair was the only thing that you could really focus on in that moment. The joint abandoned between Josh's fingers on his other hand between you, burning away..

Josh's soft, pillowy lips were dragging you into the most intense high you have ever experienced. He tasted sweet and felt even sweeter. The feeling of your lips finally melding together after months and months of pining felt like a drink of cold water on a hot summer's day.

Your bottom lip was briefly captured between his teeth and you felt him slightly nibble and then pull back. A gasp type moan escaped from you and Josh flashed you a dazzling smile before diving right back in. Josh's hand slipped down now from your hair into your lap, giving your thigh a squeeze. His squeeze turned into him desperately grabbing at you trying to pull you closer as your fingers gripped his jaw, tongues fighting each other for dominance.

“Mmmm, come here..” Josh turned away from you quickly to put out the burning joint in the ashtray and like lightning he gripped on your hips bringing you onto his lap, straddling him. His fingertips were now brushing up the hem of your sleep shirt to graze at the skin of your hips as your mouths reconnected again in a fervent fashion. The feeling of his soft, cold fingertips against your delicate skin causing you to momentarily gasp into his mouth and goosebumps fly across your skin. You felt yourself becoming more and more turned on by the moment and he explored your mouth with his. As you gripped onto the back of Josh neck harder, dragging him impossibly closer, his hips rose up and you could clearly feel his hard on pressing against your core causing you to let out the loudest mona of the night in your throat. Josh quickly pulled away from you causing you to panic slightly.

“Fuck Sunny, Im sorry.” he said, brushing a piece of hair away from your face. “I'm clearly getting ahead of myself here.”

You grabbed onto his face, forcing him to look you directly in the eyes. “No, no you're not. I want this.” You pecked his lips lightly. “I want you.”

“Fuck.” Josh gasped out and when your mouths met again, it was clear you both were about to cross the boundary between friends and neither of you had a problem with it.

You felt Josh's fingers slowly begin to drag up your sides underneath your shirt. Slow enough that it was frustrating for you. You hastily grabbed onto the bottom of the shirt and tore it off of you causing Josh to giggle. “Slow down Y/N, I want to savor this.”

His eyes turned a darker hue in the candle light as he took in the sight of your chest, finally bare for him. He wasted no time grabbing onto both of your breasts and squeezing the supple flesh together moaning out another ‘fuck’ under his breath. His mouth finally attached itself to one of your nipples, pulling and rolling the sensitive bud in between his lips. You felt his teeth graze against your nipple causing you to throw you head back. He left sloppy kisses across your chest as he moved to give the other one some much needed attention.

“Fucking hell Josh.” You moaned as you felt yourself becoming more and more aroused.

He looked up at you with hooded eyes and a slight smirk on his lips.

That stupid fucking smirk again.

His fingers now grazing your nipples simultaneously as your mouths reconnected again. You felt him begin to pull and tug on your breasts causing you to toss your head back again and he watched you get drunk on the feeling of his hands and now his very, very obvious hard on through his briefs as you had begun grinding yourself along his impressive length once more. his right hand still on your hip encouraging your steady movement.

The feeling of him hard and tucked away between your thin sleep shorts and his thin boxer briefs started driving you mad. Your moans now freely flowing out as you focused on Josh's face watching yours. Your foreheads practically pressing together. Josh let out a soft moan, causing you to clench around nothing.

“That feel good, sweet girl? Are you making a mess of your panties on top of me right now? I bet you are..”

You watched as Josh looked down to where you were dragging yourself lazily along his length, both of his hands now pressed into your hips guiding you along. You watched as his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes snapped back up to yours.

“Y/N, can I please touch you? You're driving me crazy..”

“Please..” You said, dragging your lips against his right ear, pulling his golden hoop in between your lips and sucking softly.

This must’ve thrown him off the edge because next thing you knew, he was pushing you down on your back and he was leaning over you, finger tips grazing over your clothed core.

A fresh tingling feeling made its way to your lower half as his soft fingers grazed a small path right up your slit to where your covered clit was and all the way back down again. Josh watched your eyebrows furrow in pleasure. He couldn't believe he finally had you in the way he dreamed of but never admitted out loud. So many late nights were spent in the confined spaces of his bunk on the tour bus, fighting the urge to touch himself underneath the covers at the thought of you.

You felt his fingers now dip underneath the seam of your underwear and graze across your wet core. A shameful moan escaped you as you felt his fingers at first slowly graze against the wetness then switch up and apply more pressure, breaking against the dam to truly feel you.

“Oh my fuck, my sweet girl, youre so wet.” Josh let out what sounded like a painful moan.

“A-all for you Josh”

Your head snapped back as his finger came in contact with your swollen clit, swirling around it a few times. Watching how your body reacted to him in complete awe.

He ripped away from you then, causing a pathetic moan to come out of your mouth at the loss of contact. “I need to get these clothes off of you babe. I need to see you, and feel you even more.”

You watched from your spot as Josh pulled his own shirt over his head and then dragged your shorts and underwear down. Your legs clamped shut, suddenly feeling a bout of self consciousness.

“Hey,” Josh whispered. “It's just me Sunny, no need to be shy.”

His fingers tips slowly grazing a path from your ankles up to your knees. You nodded at him when he lifted an eyebrow at you and his hands made the move to part your legs. You watched as his lips parted and his eyes grow wide as he finally saw all of you for the first time.

“Oh my god,” he whispered. “Come here.”

Josh moved to kneel down on the floor in front of the couch, dragging your hips as best as he could along the way. You were now sitting up, hips against the edge of the couch as Josh began to trail sloppy kisses up one thigh and down the other.

“Josh” You moaned out breathlessly, diving your fingers into his curls on the top of your head as best you could as he was moving.

He nipped the inside of your knee ever so lightly, “Mmmm, I love hearing you say my name like that.”

“Josh, please..” You tried to drag him up to your core, desperate to feel him against you.

“I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have thought about you like this. In my bunk, in my hotel room shower, in the green rooms..”

You watched as he looked up at you and winked just before finally dragging his tongue along your slit. Your core clenched around nothing at the contact of his warm, wet tongue against you and a moan ripped through your chest as he did it again, only this time he stopped at the top of your clit and sucked lightly.

“Mmmm, you taste so much better than I imagined.”

Your body felt like it was on fire with the pleasure rippling from your core spreading to your toes and your fingertips as he continued this pattern between licking through your folds to your entrance and then dragging up to your clit again. He gave your clit a few soft kisses before diving between your fold again. Moans were freely flowing through your mouth by now and Josh was hanging onto your legs to prevent you from clamping around his head from the pleasure shaking through your body.

You felt as he pulled one of your lower lips into his mouth, sucking sharply before releasing and repeating on the other side. He then turned his focus to your clit sucking sharply there, thrashing his head side to side every now and then.

You were already teetering on the edge of your release, so much so that when you felt Joshs fingers push past your entrance and curl up a few times along with his assault on your clit, your body went aflame with white hot pleasure as you released all over his fingers, clenching wildly.

You couldn't hear your own moans through the contractions of your orgasm but you were pretty sure you were screaming his name.

Josh was still slowly dragging his fingers in and out of you as you were still clenching around him. You felt him kissing the inside of your thighs,alternating between both as he waited for you to come down.

“Holy fuck.” You breathed out, combing your fingers through the curls on the top of his head again. He chuckled against your thigh.

“Yeah?” He asked, looking up at you. “That was the hottest fucking thing ive ever had the pleasure of witnessing.”

You giggled as he stood up in front of you, pulling you to your feet as well, wrapping his arms around your waist to stabilize your shaky legs. “I almost came in my shorts.” he giggled, kissing your forehead.

You took note of how hard and heavy he was pressed against your leg. “Now its your turn.” You winked at him dropping to your knees and pulling his boxers down with you. You watched with wide eyes as his cock sprung forward in front of you. Your eyes widened and your core clenched again as you noted how long and thick he actually was. You looked back up at his face just as he was brushing your hair through his fingers, tugging you up lightly.

“Sunny, as much as I want that, I can't wait anymore, I need to be inside you. Please.” He cast doe eyes down at you, eyebrows furrowed as if he was in pain.

You smiled up at him, just as eager to feel him buried inside of you as you placed a wet kiss against his head watching his stomach muscles shudder.

“Oh Y/N..” He moaned and threw his head back. Just as you were about to repeat your actions, you felt Josh's hands under your arms, yanking you up to your feet again only to be pushed down into the same position you started off with him on the couch in the first place. Your legs hung open wide in anticipation for what was coming next.

Your lips connected once again, hot and heavy as you felt him start to drag himself along your core. Teasing your entrance, then back out and around the rest of your swollen core and then back again just teasing his head in and out of your briefly. Your body felt on fire again. The teasing from the anticipation of feeling him fully buried inside of you making the hars on your head stand at attention and goosebumps littering your skin. The feeling of lust driving you insane.

You pulled away from him, “Josh please please stop teasing me, I need you.”

“As you wish, sweet girl.”

With that, he pushed himself past the threshold of your entrance, slowly stretching you out. He was definitely bigger than those you had been with in the past and the feeling of him pressing against your walls made your eyes flutter shut. Josh let out a gasp as he finally was fully buried inside of you. Your eyes opened back again when he started thrusting inside of you only to see he was already looking down at you with that same pained expression on his face.

“Fuck Y/N, youre amazing. You feel so good.” His head dropped into the crook of your neck and he started placing sloppy kisses from your ear down to your collarbone, adding a few lips nips from his teeth here and there as he began thrusting harder.

You don't think you've ever felt so much pleasure and so full as his thrusts continued to become sharper against your cervix. His trimmed pelvic hair was adding just the right amount of friction to your clit with each thrust you were unsure how much longer you were going to last. His body, his scent, the way he felt was becoming so overwhelming for you. Tears began to prick the corner of your eyes as he leaned back on his knees dragging your hips up and changing the angle of his thrusts to now connect solely with your g-spot.

“Oh fuck, oh my fuck, right there!” You yelled out, hands grasping at the front of his thighs in desperation to stop his hard thrusts.

Josh smirked down at you, his dimple making its appearance on his cheek as he moved one of his hands from your thigh he was gripping onto tightly, to your lower belly and pressing down. Adding to the pressure on your g spot. “Is that it sunny? Is that the spot?”

You chanted out “yes” in time with his thrusts, brain feeling like it was going numb from all the pleasure that was spreading through your body. Just as you felt like you were about to pour over the edge finally, he pulled out and placed your hips down on the couch again.

You immediately pouted and thrashed your head side to side, “No no no come back no please..”

He shushed you immediately and rubbed the outside of your thigh, “Calm down honey, I just want to change positions. Come here.”

You watched him step off the couch and he guided you so you were leaning with your torso pressed up against the back of the couch, resting on your knees. You shook your hips at him trying to entice him to hurry and fill you up again. He giggled at your movements and brushed his hands along your hips down to your ass to spread you apart for him. You weren't sure why you were expecting him to be gentle but he was far from it as he roughly thrusted into you again. The new angle made your head spin immediately, once again you felt the hair on your head stand at attention as the only thing you could truly feel was how big he felt inside of you, his sharp unforgiving thrusts, and his hips snapping against you. “Oh fuck, you love it from behind dont you. Listen to you babe, you're a mess.”

You felt as Josh gathered your hair that was hanging down your back into a makeshift ponytail, pulling you back up against him so you were flush with his chest, his thrusts never fully slowing down. His teeth grazed your ear, “Do me a favor baby, I'm so close. Rub your clit, rub your pretty little clit like I know you do when you’re alone and wet and swollen. Show me how you treat her so nice, she makes you feel so good doesn't she?”

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you felt him push you back against the couch, one hand still buried in your hair at the nape of your neck and the other grabbing roughly onto your hip as his thrusts became sharper. Your fingers trailed down to give your clit attention like he asked you to and you began rubbing sharp circles around it, making you clench around him.

Josh moaned out behind you, “Such a good girl, listening so well. I'm not going to last long. I need you to cum.” Josh's words sent you over the edge faster than you anticipated. The ball of pleasure snapped again in your core and you were clenching wildly around him. “There it is, there’s my good girl. Cum all over me. Just like that.” He wailed out. You felt as he pulled out of you, spurts of his cum landing on your lower back. Moaning along with him. You both took a moment trying to catch your breath and come back down to earth after such an intense high. Josh made the first move.

“Don't move yet, Sunshine.” He tapped your hip and you felt him move briefly behind you, grabbing a cloth of some sort and wiping his release off of your back. Both of you stood briefly, redressing and giggling amongst yourselves. Once you were both dressed, Josh dragged you down on top of him as he laid back on the couch wrapping you both up in the blankets. You snuggled your nose into the side of his neck as his arm that was wrapped around you was rubbing up and down your arm. Your body felt weak from the recent activities.

“Well that was a good distraction from the storm.” You giggled, tracing shapes softly onto his chest. He laughed wildly. “I guess you could say that Sunny.”

Silence fell amongst you two again and your mind started to wander. What did this mean for the two of you? Did you truly just ruin your friendship? How were you supposed to move forward..Josh noticed you tense up against him and he brushed his lips against your forehead breathing your scent in deeply. “What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?”

You sighed, “I just, I hope nothing is ruined between us Josh. I don't want to lose you in my life.

“Hey, hey..” He pushed himself up so now he was leaning over you, hand grazing your cheekbone. “Nothing is ruined between us. I want you in my life. I want you in my life for as long as you will have me Sunny. If it wasn't blatantly obvious before I hope it is now,” He paused and pressed a sweet kiss to your lips which you gladly reciprocated.

“I want to call you mine, I want to walk into a room with you and show you off, brag about you until people beg me to shut the fuck up.” You giggled at him.

“You truly are the sky, the moon, and the stars. You are wondrous, and I find myself falling in love with you more and more each day. My celestial love. Please let me call you my one and only.”

Instead of answering him with words you pulled him back into you, kissing him as hard as you could.

He giggled against your lips, “I'll take that as a yes.”

“Take it as an absolutely. Josh you have me, all of me.”

“I'm so happy to hear that love.” His fingers grazed against your cheekbone again. “My sweet, sweet Sunshine. You are so beautiful.”

He laid back down pulling you closer than before, tangling his limbs with yours and tucking your head against his chest practically suffocating you. “Lets go to sleep. Hopefully the power will be back on in the morning and I can make you your favorite breakfast.”

You hummed against him and buried your nose into his skin, basking in the scent of his natural musk. He made you feel so safe and wanted. You found your eyelids growing heavy finally.

“Hey Josh?” You mumbled.

“Hmm?”

“Shouldn't we blow out the candles before we fall asleep?”

You watched as he pinched the bridge of his nose, looking around the room at all the candles still burning away, “Why did I have to light so fucking many Sunny..”

You two giggled and you watched as he got up and started moving around the room blowing out each candle.

How did you end up here and get so lucky? You're not sure, but you could not wait to see where this went.

****************************************************************

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this fic of mine :) thanks for sticking around and finishing it. Tell me your thoughts !

#josh kiszka #josh kiszka angst #josh kiszka fluff #josh kiszka smut

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