#instead I just sit here wasting my days watching stupid tv shows and drawing stupid little doodles for myself like that’s gonna help

[gashinabts]

philophobia|(m)

Words: 7.4k

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Mature

Summary: Taehyung, a man, who swears he’ll never fall in love meets Y/N a hopeless romantic.

Warnings: Teasing, spitting, oral (f/receiving), fingering, pussy slapping, pussy sniffing ( lmao idk if thats a thing?), squirting, sexual intercourse, mention of homophobia. Topics of child neglecting, if this makes you uncomfortable pls don’t read :) minor character death

A/N: Taehyung is a bisexual king! Tell me what you peeps think, remember that comments motivate me to continue writing!!! This is my work, no reposting this and my other works on any other platforms.

Kim Taehyung was born December 30, 1995 his father left him when he was 11 years old that is when Taehyung realized that love never lasts. His mother pretended that his father never existed, she quickly hid the family photos away, along with covering his tomato garden with dirt. Taehyung wanted to ask where he went but stopped wondering when he heard a few of his classmates whispering that Taehyung’s dad left them for a young woman in her twenties. 

As Taehyung grew into his teenage years he would often get asked out by his classmates, he wouldn’t decline, accepting the dates to see if he can ever fall foolishly in love like his Mom once did. However, nothing ever happened, he would kiss them goodnight but won’t call them the next day. In high school he lost his virginity at a party, he wasn’t nervous, just did things he’s seen in filthy pornorgraphy. The very next day the girl spread the rumor that Taehyung was a sex god, that he probably had sex everyday with a different people. Was that a compliment? He remembered thinking to himself as he sat in the back of the classroom, feeling people secretly stare at him. 

That day he met Jimin. Jimin was a popular boy that everyone swoon over. Of course he had a girlfriend, they have been dating since middle school. The guys would gawk at her when she would wear a sports bra to track practice. Taehyung was in art class sketching an apple, Jimin came over and talked to him as if they were friends. It was nice, Taehyung listened to Jimin complain about his art. When class was over, Jimin asked Taehyung to hang out with him after school. When Taehyung sat on Jimin’s bed, he looked over on the desk and saw a picture of Jimin and his girlfriend. Right next to it was a picture of what he assumed was Jimin’s family. A Mom, Dad, an older brother, and Jimin. He turned his gaze back to Jimin...who was undressing in front of him. Jimin’s underwear was the only thing on, Taehyung didn’t expect him to have lean muscles and define abs. An hour later  they were both breathless, exhausted from the sex. 

“ I’m not gay.” Jimin tells Taehyung as he cleans himself with a rag. 

“ Okay.” Taehyung shrugs and pulls his pants up. He’s watched gay porn and straight porn before and got turned on by both of them, so it doesn’t come to much of a surprise that he enjoyed the sex with Jimin. 

*******

Taehyung watches from afar when Jimin kisses his girlfriend in the school halls, wondering if that’s love. The next few months, Taehyung and Jimin fool around more. Jimin would call Taehyung over, then they would fuck and they would both be on their way. There were never conversations or pillow talks, until right now.

“ I’m gay.” Jimin confesses to Taehyung. 

“Cool.” Taehyung shrugs, looking for his shoes. 

“ That’s all your gonna say?” Jimin rolls his eyes grabbing his t-shirt wiping the come on his stomach. 

“ I’m bisexual, happy?” Taehyung looks at his phone and notices a missed call from his mother. He tucks his phone away, “ Why are you still with her? Your girlfriend.” He finally asks the question he’s been meaning to ask since the beginning.

“ I love her and I don’t want to hurt her, but I can’t love her like that.” Jimin looks at the picture of them and flips it down, almost ashamed of how much of a coward he is. “ Plus my Dad would kill me if I told him I like men.” He throws his head back looking at the ceiling not wanting to cry his eyes out. 

Taehyung thinks love is complicated, he thinks people who are in love are selfish. They rather hurt themselves for the sake of love. It’s stupid he wants to tell Jimin that but he keeps quiet until Jimin looks at him with tears eyes. “ I don’t know what to say…”

“It’s fine...you don’t have to say anything just keep me company, yeah?” 

“ Okay,” Taehyung sits back on the bed watching but not really watching tv with Jimin. 

---

Taehyung’s mom was proud of him when he got accepted to a good college, she would brag to her friends and show pictures of his acceptance letters. Along with bragging how she raised Taehyung all by herself. Taehyung didn’t mind that he was in the spotlight, whatever made his mom happy he would comply with whatever she does. He was good with numbers so he was going to major in data analysis, he really wanted to major in art but his mom laughed in his face, telling him to be realistic. 

Taehyung is now in his third year of college, wanting to just graduate already, done with the shitload of classwork and long ass lectures. Just right now he just finished his homework that took him three hours. He’s about to call it a night until Jungkook barges in his room, yelling at him to get dressed for a party. Taehyung switches his dirty hoodie with a clean hoodie, opting out grey sweatpants with jeans. He keeps his glasses on, due to his eyes being tired and not wanting to irritate them with contacts. 

Jungkook hands Taehyung a drink, there’s obscene music, blunts being handed around, and people grinding on each other. “ When’s the last time you got laid?” Jungkook asked, as he took a gulp of his beer.

“ Last week...I think.” Taehyung searches through his mental sex list, but can’t seem to remember the girls face or name. He looks around and watches a couple argue with each other. The man rolls his eyes as the woman tries not to cry, the woman ends up leaving him and going upstairs.

“ Damn, lucky. I tried to hook up with this girl and she ended up leaving me hanging. Claimed that she’s not over her boyfriend, started crying on me when I was going down on her.” Jungkook cringes, sipping more alcohol. “ Be my wingman, yeah?” 

“ Sure,” Taehyung nods. Jungkook is talking to this pretty girl, and she laughs at every joke that Jungkook makes. Taehyung wasn’t even sure why he asked him to his wingman when Jungkook can easily get a girl to bed. Jungkook nods absentmindedly when Taehyung excuses himself, he wanders around the frat house looking at people getting wasted. Once he gets tired of it he goes upstairs, hoping to find solace in an empty room. He opens a bedroom door, and notices a girl with a pencil and notebook. “ My bad-,” Taehyung is about to close the door.

You look up from your sketchpad, you see a tall man with messy curls and glasses. “ You can stay,” you observe him, he looks like he was forced to come here. There’s no red solo cup in his hand, he looks like he hasn’t a good night's rest. Also why else would he look mindlessly into rooms, the bathroom doors have a handwritten sign stating ‘BATHROOM’, so he must be bored or something searching into bedrooms. “ Or don’t. I don’t care.” You watch him close the door, entering the room.

“ Is this your room?” Taehyung looks around the room, noticing posters of naked women and marvel posters. Weird combination he notes. Along with the dirty clothes scattered all over the floor. 

“ No,” you laugh. Shutting your notebook close, taking notice of his nice hands brushing his hair back. “ My friend’s room. I didn’t really feel like partying just decided to sketch,” you lift your pad up. He nods and sits on the bed.

“ Can I draw?” Taehyung points towards the sketchpad. He hasn’t drawn in months too busy in his schoolwork, his fingers would sometimes draw on foggy windows but nothing more. You nod tearing a piece of paper out and handing him a pencil, he thanks you. 

You were sneakily glancing at him, sketching him, his angular jaw, messing hair, uneven eyelid, long eyelashes. Getting lost at his elegant features, wondering if he knows how beautiful he looks. You shake your head for easily fawning over this man. His hands are even beautiful, they travel across the paper gracefully with each stroke. You turn your eyes away when he makes eye contact with you, cheeks getting warm. “ What’s your name?” You ask while shading the contours of his cheeks.

“ Taehyung.” He folded his paper into a small square, putting it into his pocket. “ Yours?”

“ Y/N,” you smile.

---

“ Did you get laid yesterday night?” Jungkook is shirtless with scratch marks behind his back, there’s a couple of hickies on his neck.

Taehyung takes a sip of his tea before answering, “No, just talking to some girl. Her name is Y/N.” 

“ Y/N. She’s a nice girl. One time I forgot a scantron for class and she gave me one. She’s also friends with Namjoon.” Jungkook pours himself coffee sitting next to Taehyung. “ Are you interested in her?”

Taehyung would be lying if said he wasn’t interested in you. When he entered the room he thought you were pretty and had a kind smile. “ Maybe...why?” 

“ It’s best if you don’t try to get at her. Y/N looks the type to fall in love easily.” Jungkook sighs cracking his back on the back of the chair, groaning at his achy body. Taehyung wonders how can someone fall in love easily, he’s not one to believe in love at first sight or any kind of stuff in that realm. “ Alright, I’m gonna take a quick shower and then we can leave.” 

Taehyung and Jungkook are at the library studying or trying to study, Jungkook is texting someone the whole time instead of studying for his macroeconimics test. While Taehyung is playing video games on his phone. “ Hey guys! Didn’t know you actually study Jungkook,” Namjoon jokes, ruffling Jungkook’s hair. Jungkook rolls his eyes pushing his hand off his head mumbling curse words at him. Taehyung looks to the side of Namjoon and notices you laughing as the scene unfolds. You’re carrying ice americanos and Jungkook immediately takes it out of the carrier, thanking you. 

You look at Taehyung placing one in front of him, “ I didn’t know what kind of coffee you liked.” Taehyung is wearing similar clothing to what he wore at the party, mostly muted green colors and his circle glasses, his hair is pushed back with a headband. He looks surprised to see you, but nevertheless thanks you for the coffee. The conversations between Jungkook and Namjoon get more serious when they finally decide to study for their materials. You try to study but you want to talk to Taehyung wanting to get to know him more, you nudge your foot against his leg. He looks up, looking at you in question, you nod your head towards the exit entrance, he nods slowly unsure to what you're up to but following your lead. Jungkook and Namjoon are too invested in their studying to see you and Taehyung leave. “ Do you wanna go to my apartment?”

“ Sure,” Taehyung shrugs. The apartment was small and kind of messy, you try to hurry up and toss some of the paintbrushes in the sink. There’s water cups filled with murky colors, and paint marks on the tables, he’s not used to a sight like this. In his apartment it is always clean and tidy, not a dirty plate in sight. “ You live by yourself?” he asked, placing his stuff on the table. 

“ Yeah, my roommate moved four months ago with her boyfriend.” You give up cleaning the mess since there’s too much to clean. “ Want some-” You are interrupted when you feel Taehyung’s lips on your, your hands push his chest flustered at the sudden kiss.

“ I-I- sorry...I must have read something wrong,” he looks embarrassed immediately backing up giving you space. “ I thought you invited me to your apartment for sex.” Taehyung notices how your eyes widen, fuck he feels like an ass, scared that he made you uncomfortable. “ I should go…” he goes to pick up his bags ready to bolt out.

“ I just wanted to talk...to get to know you better,” you speak before his hands grab the doorknob. “ We can paint and talk, if that's okay with you?” 

“ Are you sure? You don’t want me to leave?” 

“ Stay.” You go to the sink to wash your dirty brushes. 

Taehyung sits down looking at the wall, notices a canvas of a man, he has plump lips, gentle eyes, overall he is beautiful, something that seemed out of this world. Maybe it was the way it was painted that made it appear like that. “ You painted that?” Taehyung speaks shifting his gaze to you.

You look at where Taehyung was pointing at, it was the painting of your ex boyfriend, “ Yeah, that’s my ex boyfriend, Seokjin. The professor told us to paint the definition of love…,” you stare at Seokjin’s face, remembering the memories you shared. The brushes are all cleaned and you set them down, grabbing some water colors that are in the cabinet. 

“ Do you still love him?” Taehyung curiously asked, watching carefully at your reaction.

There’s a slight pain of thinking about him, truly not over his death. “ Yeah I’ll always have love for him…” 

Taehyung wants to ask more about him but doesn’t want to intrude, he doesn’t say anything else but paints. This is when Taehyung feels like he’s truly being himself painting, expressing himself without saying anything. Moments like these wish Taehyung would’ve chosen doing what he has a passion for insteading appealing to his mothers standards. 

“ Why are you a data analysis major?” The artwork he is doing is remarkable, there’s dark undertones and eerie about it but it is beautiful something that you have to keep staring at.

He chuckles, “ Because I need to eat.” You look down feeling a little insulted he must've noticed since he immediately apologizes. 

“ It’s okay. You know if you ever want to relax and paint, you can come here,” you continue painting small flowers. The first time, he smiles and nods his head.

---

5 months later

This is the third flower shop visited and he’s getting more tired with each second. “ This arrangement or this one?” You ask Taehyung, as you hold two bouquets. One was more filled with carnations and the other was filled with lilies. He gives it some thought before pointing at the carnations. “ This would be pretty to paint,” you smell it getting happy inside.

“ Finally, when can we eat...I didn't eat anything this morning,” his stomach growls at the thought of food. He’s still carrying the vases you bought at the thrift shop, you had to plead with you to not buy another antique mirror because he knows he would have to carry it to the apartment.

You gave the cashier the money, as he wraps the flowers in newspaper, turning your head you look at Taehyung, “ Why did you come with me if you were going to complain the whole time?” You laugh at his scrunched nose as you pinch it. The flowers are handed back and you thank the cashier, leaving with Taehyung.

“ Because I wanted to,” Taehyung shrugs. In your apartment he puts the flowers away as you cook him food, he always enjoys your cooking. When he was younger all he ever ate was ramen, never really ate some home cooked meals, his mother was always busy working trying to financially support the family so he never once asked his mom for dinner. Even at his own apartment he doesn’t eat Jungkook’s food since he doesn’t know how to cook either. Sometimes when he’s hungry he’ll just come to your apartment and you’ll be more than happy to cook for him.

When Taehyung enters his apartment Jungkook is watching anime, foot propped on the table and sipping some beer. “ Back from your girlfriends’ so soon?” 

“ Not my girlfriend but yeah, I left my schoolwork here so I had to come back,” he sighs. Taehyung doesn’t get mad when Jungkook teases him about you being his girlfriend, but he sometimes gets annoyed. He likes the friendship between the two of you, it’s different from any other friendships he had in the past. “ Tomorrow night the apartment is mine. This guy wants to hangout with me.”

“ Just say he wants to fuck you,” Jungkook yells as Taehyung closes his bedroom door. 

---

You meet Taehyung at the park with some bread, he hugs you and asks about your day. “ It was okay. Had lunch with my Dad, but it always ends up in some lecture. I swear, sometimes it feels like I’m fifteen or something,” you tear a piece of bread throwing it into the pond watching some ducks gobble it. You try to look at Taehyung but it hurts when you see some hickies on his neck. On the day you were about to confess your feelings to Taehyung you asked him if he ever loved someone, he laughed and said that he doesn’t believe in no such thing as love. As much as you wanted to disapprove of that idea, you couldn’t be the one to change it.

He grabs some bread, chucking some pieces out, “ What was the argument?”

You laugh thinking about your Dad’s red face, “ I invited him to my apartment, and he found the blunt we smoked together in the ashtray.”

“ Shit, I should’ve thrown it away,” Taehyung laughs too, pushing some of his hair back. 

“ Just glad he didn’t find any of my sex toys,” you cringe just thinking about it. You feel something tugging the end of your skirt, looking down you see a toddler smiling cheekily pointing at the bread. You smile, “ Here, have fun,” you hand him the rest of your bread. You watch him wobble as he runs to his mother throwing the whole slice in the water. 

“ Sex toys?” Taehyung asked once the child was out of sight. “ Like what?,” Taehyung is interested, he doesn’t know, maybe because he can’t imagine you using them. Or he wants to know how you use it. There were times when Taehyung wanted to have sex with you but he turned those urges off. He doesn’t want to give you mixed signals remembering Jungkook’s words of advice. “ Never-”

“ A dildo, vibrator, hitachi wand, or even my favorite pillow,” you trail off not thinking much until you realize who you are confessing to. “ I-I uh…”

“ How often?,” Taehyung asked quietly, not wanting any other people hearing the conversation. He shouldn’t get turned on but he is.

Something about Taehyung’s deep quiet voice is making you squeeze your thighs, “ Every night…” You're still looking at the pond, watching the ripples that are caused by the ducks swimming away. You can feel Taehyung's stare but you ignore it. The conversation switches to another topic when you talk about your school work. The sun sets and you both part ways.

The sound of tea kettle wakes you up from your concentration of you sketching, sighing you pour yourself the tea. Looking at your art, you turn it over not wanting to see Taehyung’s face right now. But fate has different plans when you hear knocking on the door, Taehyung appears, he lets himself in and is close to your face.

“ Taehyung?” You’re puzzled at his frazzled state, deeply staring into your eyes. 

“ Can I kiss you?” The words are quiet but firm. Stupidly you nod, not caring about any consequences. His hands cup your face, immediately going into the kiss. The kisses get deeper, his hands travel to your hips bringing you closer to him quickly, you lose friction from the fluffy socks you're wearing causing you to slip, immediately grabbing Taehyung as you fall backwards. His hands are quick to save himself from not falling onto you. There’s a slight pain on your tailbone but is immediately forgotten when Taehyung goes back to kissing you.

The big t-shirt you are wearing is tossed, his hands immediately fondle your breast, his lips leaving kisses on your neck, groaning as he pushes his bulge against your clothed core. “ Taehyung...let me touch you,” you moan when he bites your neck. He pulls back, pecking your lips before taking off his clothes. Your hands trail against his chest, his stomach, towards his pelvic, trying to remember every part of him. He is surprised to have you touching him like he was some marvel statue, usually his past hookups just rush into the sex. It’s very intimate and he doesn’t know how to feel about it.

 Taehyung groans when you touch his dick, he’s hard and wants to be inside of you already. He comes down kissing you, his hands get rid of your panties, fingers spreading your wetness. The moans you let out are turning him on even more, he stretches you out with his fingers. He likes the way your eyes flutter, the shape of your lips tremble, along with your chest inhaling and exhaling deeply. “ You are so pretty,” he doesn’t mean to say it loudly but he does. There’s a blush that blooms on your cheeks, it reminds him of the flowers you would get to study paint.

“ Taehyung,” you moan slightly flustered at his compliment. He reaches for his pants grabbing a condom. “ You don’t want to go to the bedroom?” The floor is still cold against your back, and the last time you cleaned the floor was days ago. 

Taehyung shakes head, already putting on the condom not wanting to waste time, “ Too far,” he smiles when you laugh. He enters you feeling you clench tightly around, he moans digging his head into your neck. “ You are so tight,” he groans. “ Feels so fucking good, having you like this,” he confesses.

You moan loudly, his thick cock streching “ Oh fuck, Taehyung, please just fuck me,” your hands go to his waist urging him to move. He listens to your command, thrusting slowly trying to get deep as he can. Maybe if you can close your eyes you can pretend that he’s in love with you. He goes faster and cries at the pace he’s going, the pleasure is overwhelming, something that you can’t get with your own hands. “ I’m close already,” your hand goes to tug at his wavy hair.

“ Me too,” his voice is deeper. His hand travels down to your pussy searching for your clit and rubbing it. “ Come for me,” he says into your ear. You moan his name loudly, cumming around his cock, scratching his back. The sight of you creaming around him makes him immediately come, he searches for your lips, moaning your name in the kiss. The two of you lay in the afterglow of the sex, panting loudly his body is barely being hold up, and you laying on the hard floor.

Taehyung gets up throwing his condom away, he looks at you still laying on the floor with your eyes close, the realization of him having sex with you just popped up. He hurriedly gets dressed, then helps you get dressed, he gets shocked when you kiss him as a thank you. The next morning Taehyung wakes up early, making sure to leave quietly, not wanting to disrupt your sleep.

---

You weren’t going to lie, it kind of hurt not waking up beside Taehyung but you shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up. Namjoon invites you to a kick back, only inviting a few people to his house to chill and drink. You take solace on the couch, watching people get high and drunk, you weren’t in the mood to do either so you make conversation with a slightly high Hoseok. He’s in mid-discussion about Shrek being a cinematic masterpiece, when Jungkook yells from the door entrance that he has Taco Bell. Taehyung is beside him wearing all black beanie, crewneck, and sweatpants, but still looks better than half of the people here.

 You turn your gaze back to Hoseok who’s left walking towards Jungkook immediately grabbing a taco. Sighing you decide to get fresh air, staring at the tall dark buildings. “ Whatcha you doing here by yourself? It’s fucking freezing,” Taehyung speaks out closing the slider door standing by you. He takes off his vape pen inhaling it.

“ Wanted fresh air,” you shrug, still staring at the buildings. “ Hoseok left me for tacos. He was onto something, saying that Shrek is a masterpiece. Who knows maybe he’ll write his thesis about it.” Taehyung chuckles, he keeps looking at you and you finally stare at him. “ Why’d you kiss me yesterday?”

He blows out the smoke, and puts his pen away, “ Cuz I wanted to,” he shrugs not thinking much about it. 

“ Nothing else?” You arch your eyebrow.

He continues to stare into your eyes “ Nope,” he shakes his head.  

Some part of you wanted him to say that he had feelings for you but in the back of your mind you knew that wasn’t going to happen. You smile pushing his chest, “ Well that’s the last time we are ever going to do anything like that.” The both of you know that is a lie.

---

For the next couple of months you and Taehyung continue sleeping with each other.

When you are studying with Namjoon in the library, Jungkook and Taehyung spontaneously show up, causing Namjoon to groan. “ You know you love me,” Jungkook jokingly says sitting next to him. 

Taehyung sits down next to you, looking at your classwork, “ How long have you been studying,” he whispers. 

You turn to look at the time of your phone, “ Like four hours,” you sigh. He hands you a jolly rancher, you immediately put in your mouth. “ Why are you here? You texted me that you were going to take a fat ass nap?”

“ I wanted to see you, kind of missed you,” he lays his head against the table. His eyes close when you brush his soft hair. 

“ I’ll be done in forty minutes.” He lets off a quiet okay continuing to look at you doing your work. 

Taehyung wakes up to you caressing his cheek, his neck is in pain from the awkward position he slept in. “ Where did Jungkook and Namjoon go?,” he looks at the empty seats. He tries to crack his neck and watches you pack your stuff.

“ They left about twenty minutes ago,” you get up stretching your legs. “ Let’s head home. We still have left over pizza,” you groan at the pain on your lower back. 

For some odd reason Taehyung liked hearing you say home, there’s some comfort it gives him but he never says it out loud. Taehyung grabs your backpack, holding it for you as you walk towards your car. You look in the fridge for the pizza, but Taehyung has other plans when he closes the fridge door, pinning you against it kissing you feverishly, his tongue already begging for entrance. Laughing you push him away, “ What’s gotten into you?”

“ I told you...I miss you,” his hands are on your waist. He kisses you again, picking you up easily and placing you on the kitchen table. He takes off your pants and panties, and you reach for his pants but he stops you forcing you to lie completely on the table. “ Look at you, laying so pretty on the table,” he bends down kissing you on your lips before he goes down on you. 

He licks your cunt, gently prodding his tongue up and down. Your hips move frantically wanting to feel more of him. His rough hands pin your hips, and he continues with his teasing, lightly kissing your clit before touring you with his slow pace.  “ Look at your pussy, it looks like the roses you painted yesterday…,” his finger goes up and down your folds.

The words make your cheeks grow hot, “ No it doesn’t,” you get shy shaking your head. The embarrassment fills your body, for maybe shamelessly liking his compliment. You are probably never going to look at roses the same way ever again.

“ Yeah, it does Y/N, but your pussy is more pretty,” he continues to tease you. Wanting to see you get more flustered, he likes it when you do it gets him more turned on. “ I wonder if it smells like roses too,” he’s about to smell your pussy but you hold his head. He watches you cutely shake your head. 

Taehyung is filthy but it makes you get even more aroused. “ It won’t,” you whisper, wanting to cry but he shakes his kissing the inside of your thigh to try to comfort you. 

He smells your pussy and he groans, your heart thumps faster and nervous for what's about to say, “ It smells better,” he kisses your clit. His tongue keeps tracing your folds gently wanting to make you beg for more. The movement of his tongue makes you want to pull your own hair out. The pleasure is barely there but it grows within each second of his tongue flicking up and down.

“ Taehyung,” you let out desperate whine, “ please, I need more.” One of his hands slap your cunt, and your back arches surprise but even more turned on. You never knew that you were into that. The sting hurts at first but shoots up ecstasy after a nanosecond, you can’t help but seek more. “ More!” 

Taehyung lets out a dark chuckle, he gives you another slap, slightly harder on the center of your clit, the stinging making your face scrunch up but letting out a lewd moan. He groans at your wetness seeping out some of it landing on the table.

Suddenly, he is done with all the teasing, and dives in, nose touching your clit and tongue inside your entrance going in and out. Finding it extremely hot that you are riding his face, like the pillow on your bed. Taehyung vividly remembers when you showed him how you ride your pillow last week. The way you desperately let out cute whines trying so hard to relieve yourself as Taehyung only watched, wanting to see you get off without his help. 

He moves his face side to side so his nose can rub your clit. Head in the clouds, your body is floating with ecstasy wanting to stay in it forever. Your hands reach down trying to anchor yourself, Taehyung reaches for your hand holding it tight. You cry out his name loudly, coming intensely, your eyes are shut when it doesn’t seem to stop. Your body finally calms down, looking down you see Taehyung’s face is completely wet. “ Oh my god, did I-

“ Fuck, that was hot,” Taehyung wipes his face with the back his arm. He kisses your lips, he helps you from the table, handing you your panties. 

“ Let me repay you?,” you tug at his belt loop, you look down to see the bulge is gone and there’s a wet stain. Your eyes widen, “ Did you come?”

“ Yeah, you squirting on me, made me bust a nut. I swore I never came that hard either,” he sighs happily. Laughing you go towards the fridge, finally eating the cold pizza. You hand him one and he eats it in two bites. “ My mom called me today…”

Taehyung hardly talks about his family, you only know that he was raised only by his mother. He never talked bad about her but you can tell that they didn’t have a close  relationship. “ What happened?” You and Taehyung move so you're sitting on the couch.

“ She told me that my father wanted to meet up with me,” Taehyung rolls his eyes. “ Told her that I don’t want to. She started crying and telling me that he’s my father...I sometimes think she’s still in love with him. She’s an idiot.” He lays his back staring at the ceiling.

“ Sometimes it’s hard to get over someone that you once loved. The one you shared your laughs, arguments, touches, memories...vanish into thin air... or you could hold onto it. Love isn’t easy...it’s messy, it’s confusing but it’s beautiful being able to share it with someone. Don’t you think?” You look at Taehyung’s side profile.

Taehyung turns his head looking at you, “ I don’t know...I will never fall in love. I don’t want to end up like my parents,” he closes his eyes.

“ Taehyung-“

He opens his eyes smiling, grabbing your hands, “ Let’s head to bed,” already over the conversation. 

---

Jungkook is cooking breakfast and almost burns his hand when a random girl walks out of Taehyung’s room. Immediately she exits their apartment, doing the walk of shame. Taehyung walks out shirtless with hickies on his chest and dishevelled hair. Jungkook clears his throat, “ Thought you were seeing Y/N,” he turns off the stove.

Taehyung grabs a glass of water, “ We are just friends,” he takes several gulps.

Jungkook scoffs rolling his eyes at his friend’s stupidity, “ Yeah, friends who have sex, hold hands, and almost spend every night together. My bad I forgot they changed the definition of ‘friends’ in the Webster dictionary.”

“ Whatever man...I'm out of here,” Taehyung leaves the kitchen going to his room. He looks at himself in the mirror, disgusted at his appearance, at the splotchy marks on his neck. Why am I like this? Taehyung leaves his apartment ignoring Jungkook, entering your apartment with his set of keys. He looks at you cooking pancakes, you look at him quickly and smiling.

“ Hey...you want some? It’s your favorite banana pancakes,” you flip the pancake. He looks at the big stack of pancakes you have on the table, you continue with the last couple of pancakes and sit down taking a couple of bites. You are consumed by the taste, not really focusing on Taehyung until he clears his throat, looking at him you notice marks on his neck. Your heart plummets, you thought the whole time the two of you have been messing around he wasn’t seeing anyone else. “ You hooked up with someone else yesterday?,” you set your utensils down.

Taehyung nods trying to look nonchalant, “ Yeah, is that a problem?” 

“ No,” you try to lie to yourself but it’s no use, your face looks the opposite of how you feel, disheartening, you can’t save face even if your life's on the line. Swallowing hard you shake your head, “ Actually, yes. It is a problem,” you sigh. “ I don’t understand you. You treat me like a lover, but then you do things like this…” you get up from the kitchen table tossing the plates in the sink, not caring that you didn’t finish the meal, “ I open my heart with you but you don’t do the same. I feel used in this relationship or whatever the hell this is,” your hands clenched tightly as you turn around and face Taehyung.

He’s now by the kitchen counter standing up, “ I told you I’m not looking for love. I’m sorry if I gave you mixed feelings but I don’t want this to end whatever we have with each other. I like how things are-”

You scoff, rolling your eyes at his words, “ Well I don’t...if you want to fuck around then do it... I’m not going to care for you like I love you anymore.” The angry tears stream down your face, your hands wipe them before he could, “ Go Taehyung. I wish you the best,” his face is etched with subtle pain, turning away from him you wash the dishes not bothering to look at the sound of him leaving.

---

Three days later

Taehyung hasn’t been sleeping well, tossing and turning, giving up completely and decides to study all night long. This has been a daily occurrence since the fight with you. I’m not going to care for you like I love you anymore. Taehyung groans, wanting to get the image of you out of his brain. Jungkook knocks on his door, eyes widening at the sight of him, “ You look like shit, c’mon Namjoon is having another get together.”

When Taehyung shows up to the party he watches you have a conversation with Hoseok, from a far distant, unsure how you would react if you saw him. Taehyung waits till Hoseok leaves, walking towards you as you are on your phone texting someone. He watches you jolt as he calls your name. “ Hey,” you greet him but there’s no smile or warmth like you usually greet. And he hates it, it makes him feel like a stranger.

“ About the last time, I’m sorry that we got into an argument,” Taehyung apologizes, he tucks his hands in his pockets, a nervous tick he developed when he was elementary. 

“ Ok,” you nod your head, not wanting to discuss something so private in a social setting. “ I should get going, I got a research paper to go over,” you give him one last glance and leave, not saying goodbye to anyone else.

Taehyung doesn’t like the way your back faces him, leaving him all alone with a place full of people. He pushes against people not wanting to let you go so easily, he wants to talk to you, he wants to hear you talk. He wants to lay in your bed and listen to your heart beat while you stroke his hair, letting him fall asleep in your arms. You're opening your car door, and you halt when he calls your name, you wait patiently for what he’s going to say. Please stay.  “ I-I uh...I wish you the best, Y/N” Taehyung says. He watches you give him one last small smile and drive away. 

---

Six months later

Taehyung hates visiting his mother, there’s always something unsettling when he enters his childhood home. As soon as greets his mother she comments about his weight, his slightly long wavy hair, and baggy clothes. She doesn’t ask him college, she never does. Instead he listens to her talk about her work. “ I told your father that you're in town,” she says over the sound of the faucet. Taehyung nods, handing her the dirty dishes, “ I told him you are free tomorrow, you are going to visit him at IHOP,” she leaves no room for argument. 

The sun wakes up Taehyung before his alarm does, he doesn’t really put in effort to look nice but when his mother gives him a look, he changes into something more appropriate. Maybe if Taehyung was in middle school he would be nervous meeting his father but now that he’s an adult he couldn’t care less. It takes him a while to find his father, he looks older from his adolescent years, has a few gray hairs and slightly wrinkled skin. His father stands up, and Taehyung immediately holds his hand out giving him a handshake not wanting to receive an awkward hug. His father looks surprised but compiles, awkwardly laughing and sits down taking a gulp of his hot black coffee. “ I ordered your favorite,” his father points to the triple drizzle chocolate milkshake with a red cherry on top that is set in front of Taehyung. “ How are you kiddo? You look so grown up, your mother has been feeding you well, huh?”

“ Yup.” Taehyung looks at the red cherry. 

There’s too much uncomfortable tension, and his father is letting more awkward coughs to try to fill the silence. “ Almost done with college, yeah? Just three more months, and you gotta face the real world,” his father comments.

Taehyung has been facing the real world since he was a teenager, he worked when he was in highschool to pay for college, he cooked his own dinner because his mother always came home late, he didn’t need to graduate college to find out the world was shitty. “ Yeah.”

His father tries really hard to have some sort of conversation with his son.“ You still like to paint?”

Taehyung smiles, getting reminded of you. He wonders what you are doing right now, if you are painting the canvas he bought you when you guys were friends. “ No. I mean yeah, sorta. I painted with this girl, she made me fall back in love with painting but I did something horrible to her. Now I can’t paint without thinking about her,” he sighs. 

There’s surprise etched on his father’s face, since more than a word came out of his son’s mouth. “ Seems like a very important person to you. You should talk things out with her, don’t want to lose someone like that.” 

Taehyung rolls his eyes, “ Why? You did the same thing to us.”

“ Taehyung-”

“ You really fucked me up father, I hate that you and mom made me this way. I want to love her but I’m scared...what if she ends up leaving me like you did. I rather be alone for the rest of my life than to have someone steal a part of me,” Taehyung grits his teeth.

“ I-I I’m sorry Taehyung...I really am. I hate myself everyday for not visiting you, I should’ve been there for you...Your mother and I once loved each other but sometimes people fall out of love, but that doesn’t mean love is evil. Don’t give up on love because of our failed marriage, son, you deserve to be in love.”

---

One week later

“ Fuck, watch where you going asshole,” you yell at the asshole who wasn’t paying attention that made you drop all of your art supplies. He doesn’t even bother apologizing, just continues to walk with his friends. You pick up your pencils, someone helps you pick up your other materials. “ Thank-” you stop midway when your eyes are met with Taehyung. He hands you the sketchpads, you quickly put it in your bag, “ Thanks.”

“ No problem. You just got out of class?,” he asked intently looking at you.

His hair is pushed back by his headband, showing his forehead, he’s wearing his usual baggy grandpa clothes. It makes your heart flutter, but you quickly push the feeling away. “ Yeah, but I have to go back to pick up my two pieces,” you shrug. 

“ You need a hand?” He offers with a careful smile.

You contemplate, you don’t want to make two trips, “ If you’re not busy…”

He eagerly shakes his head. “ I’m not, let me help.” Taehyung follows you to the art room, and picks up the pieces easily despite it being large canvases. There’s silence when you are done putting it in your car. 

“ Thank you,” you give him a grateful smile. “ Do you need to ride home?”

Taehyung took his car to campus but he lies, he accepts your offer in hopes that you guys can talk things over. The radio is on low, and Taehyung is almost near his apartment, “ I lied I don’t need a ride,” he starts off and you let out a surprise laugh.

“ Why are you just telling me now?,” you are about two minutes from the destination. 

“ I wanted to talk to you about what happened to us-”

You sigh, not wanting to reopen bandage wounds on your heart, “ Taehyung, I’m over it-” 

His head turns to face you, “ I love you. I think I always loved you since we became friends. I was scared to tell you because it was something so new for me...I was selfish, I thought that everything we had was fine but I never took your feelings into consideration.” He’s breathing really hard because he finally confessed his heart out, something he vowed he’ll never do since he was a child. 

“ Why? Why now?,” you swallow hard, not looking at him but only the road. Scared that if you look into his eyes, you’ll get lost into them. 

“ It took me a while to come in terms with how I am feeling. Because love is messy right?,” his voice cracks.

The car is now parked in his driveway, “ Yeah, it is.” Turning to finally face him, he has little tears in his eyes that haven’t fallen. “ I still love you, Taehyung,” your hand touches his soft cheek, caressing it. Taehyung leans closer to you and you close your eyes expecting a kiss, instead he sobs against your neck. Feeling wet tears against your neck, you try to coddle him but the tight space in the car is not giving you any room to do so. “ Tae, why are you crying?,” you comb the back of his curls.

Taehyung pulls away giving you a tearful smile, “ Because for the first time in my life I know what love is.”

end.

#bts #bts fic #BTS jimin #bts taehyung #btsfanfic #bangtan smut #btstae #bts imagine #bts one shot #bts blurbs #taehyung smut #Taehyung one shot #taehyung #taehyung fluff #taehyung and jimin #tae #taehyung angst #taehyung x oc #taehyung x you #taehyung x y/n #taehyung x reader #bts namjoon #bts hoseok #BTS jin #bts angst #bts fluff #bts smut #btssmut

[generallybarzy]

i loved you first.

an: I wrote this mostly a couple nights ago when I was listening to my "ouch" playlist and sobbing so hard I got a 48-hour migraine over the fact that I'll never see my crush again and I can't do anything about it because a) I'm moving in less than a month and leaving everything I know behind and b) he has a girlfriend. But that emotion eventually evolved into "i'm never gonna see some of my best friends again after we move away from each other next month" and that just turned me into this big pit of anxiety where I felt like time was just moving too fast but not at all and I'll miss everything if I don't go do something. So. I was fucking sad and this was the result. completely unedited angst. probably sucks ass, but that's how I'm feeling right now. Anyway, I don't know if you've noticed, but I haven't really been around for a few days. I deleted all my asks so if you had something sent, its gone, and i'm just popping in to post this. idk when I'll be back this time, but i'm trying to take care of my irl relationships and moving and college and all that and it hurts a lot more than i can explain and everythings putting my anxiety through the roof lately. anyway........

song inspo: i loved you first- joan

word count: 2.3k

"You keep running away when I need you most

Running away when I get too close

My heart is full but yours is running out

I think I'm afraid of what comes next

Yeah, I'm afraid you've lost your head

Baby, you know that I loved you first

But now, you're in love with somebody else."

Mat was losing you.

You were his best friend. You'd grown together, laughed together, made stupid decisions together in the wake of your last breakup, he always came to to with his troubles, and, as much as he hated hearing the way your ex treated you, he kept his mouth shut and kept being the shoulder you needed to cry on again and again.

And Mat had been in love with you for as long as he could remember.

Ever since the night of your breakup, he'd been waiting for the right moment to tell you how he felt. You were fresh out of a breakup, and he knew that was the worst time to say anything, so he kept quiet. He helped you get yourself out there and smile once again. He brought that beautiful, gleaming smile back to your face. And it warmed his heart to know he had helped bring some of the sunshine back to your life. He waited and waited, comforting you after all your bad first dates and keeping his cool when you came over for movie night. He tried to ignore the way his heart pounded when you circled your arms around his waist and mumbled "At least I'll always have you, Maty." He tried his hardest to calm his heart and keep his eyes on the movie while you cuddled up with him, wearing his clothes, but the light of his TV betrayed him and lit up the way you were smiling against his chest, deep in sleep, safe and comfortable in his hoodie. He didn't tell you how he felt, all those years. He couldn't lose what he had of you in trying to get more. He would be happy with just this for now.

You rested against his chest, unaware of the way Mat was staring at you as if you'd put the stars in the sky all for him. He was so ready to give you his all, to tell you everything he wanted to say, to finally get to call you his, and hear you call him yours. He leaned down to ghost his lips across your cheek, letting the words fall before he even realized his mouth was moving.

"I love you so much, more than you'll ever know."

Maybe he said the words then because he knew you wouldn't hear, maybe he was afraid of actually telling you, afraid of the chance that he would scare you away with how full his heart was. But he didn't mind. He said it, and as long as he knew he loved you, he'd be content with staying like this for a while while you picked yourself back up and regained your confidence. Once you weren't still reeling from your breakup, he'd let it out. He'd tell you for real.

But then, one of your first dates went well.

He'd gotten his usual post-date text from you, the one he always made you promise to send just so he knew you were safe. He expected another letdown, a list of all the things wrong with your date, or ways they were just like your ex. Instead, you were gushing. Mat couldn't stand the hope in your messages, the way you were so excited, rambling on and on about this guy. He wanted to be happy for you, he wanted to be glad you were finding someone you liked, but he couldn't help feeling the pain from the sting that someone was actually taking you away from him again.

Soon, your movie nights together as friends were overtaken by date nights, and Mat was left alone in his apartment, sitting on the couch you used to cuddle him on, wearing the hoodie you loved to steal, and watching the TV show you introduced him to, half heartedly checking your snap story to see you in the middle of a date with him. He tried to hide his jealousy whenever you spoke of your boyfriend, he tried to appear proud and excited for you, but the hard truth he didn't want to face was that he was losing you. He was losing his best friend, the person he loved the most.

He didn't know when this started. He didn't know how to stop it, but you were pulling away from him. And that scared him. Mat couldn’t stand watching you fall more and more in love with this guy, not when he was right there, willing to give you all the love he had in his heart.

You were the one Mat went to on his worst days. The days when he felt like a waste of space, like he'd never amount to anything more than he was. The days it seemed like the weight of everyone's expectations was about to make him crumble to his knees. The days he needed you most. It only took a quick 'you free tonight? I need you.' text, and you knew exactly the state he was in. 'Of course Mat, I'm always free for you.' But ever since you started dating this guy, his texts went unanswered, unseen, and he was left alone on his hardest nights, with harsh reminders that the girl he loved was falling in love with somebody else right in front of his eyes, while he could do nothing but watch.

This guy had no right to come between you two. After all, Mat had loved you first.

He had comforted you for years over your shitty boyfriends, and this newest guy was no exception. Mat would still find himself, on rare nights, holding you in his arms while you sobbed about how your boyfriend made you cry again, whispering to Mat that 'at least I know you would never do this to me'. But the next day you were gone, running away from him as if you'd never snuggled up in his arms for comfort, as if the late-night conversations meant nothing to you.

'You're right, I would never do this to you." He thought to himself, watching you toy with the sleeve of his sweater and snuggle into his chest to dry your eyes with your best friend's warmth. "So why do you keep going back to the man who hurt you, when I'm right here?'

Mat had so much he wanted to say, and though he didn't want you to run away again, he could only hold his tongue for so long.

"I'm so glad you invited me out for lunch, Mat. He's been such an ass lately, so I'm glad to get away. It's been a while since we talked, yeah?"

Mat couldn't bring himself to answer. God, his heart was throbbing in his chest. He loved you so much, but you were falling in love with an asshole who didn't treat you right. You looked so beautiful sitting across the table from him. The sun was gleaming off your hair, but the beauty was made sour by the necklace that sat around your neck, the necklace your boyfriend had given you on your 3 month anniversary. Mat swallowed back his nerves. "(Y/N), I need to be honest with you."

Any trace of happiness on your face was gone, replaced with dread. Part of Mat felt like shit for making you feel like that, but another, more sinister part, felt a little glimmer of revenge. You'd been running away from him for months, abandoning your best friend for some shitty boyfriend who you still cried over to him, and maybe now you were feeling a slimmer of what dread he had felt when he thought of your crumbling friendship, and the love he had for you that he couldn't do anything with. "What's wrong, Mat? It seems really serious."

"It is." Mat took a deep breath. He couldn't meet your eyes. He didn't know when he started to feel uncomfortable around you. You had always been the person he could admit anything to. Now, you were pulling away from him. "We've been friends for so long, but recently, I feel like I'm… losing you."

"Mat, you're not losing me."

"Yeah, I am. I'm losing you to your new boyfriend.”

Finally, Mat met your eyes, and was astonished by the fear there. How could you spend the last few months drawing further and further away, and then be shocked when he confronted you? Hadn't you realized how little time you spent together? Hadn't you noticed how the only time you spent with him was when he was comforting you from something your boyfriend did to upset you? Hadn't your words- 'at least I know you'd never do this to me'- meant nothing?

"Look, I know you're happy with him, and I'm happy for you… no matter how much you complain about how he's an ass... but… we- you don't come over anymore.”

“I’m- I’m sorry, Mat, I’m more busy than I was when I was single-”

“No, it's not just that. You stopped answering my texts. You know… the ones… when I'm vulnerable. When I need you. I get that you’re gonna be busy, but I opened up to you about shit I would never tell to another person, and I can’t even get a response. You're running away when I need you most…"

He let the silence fall between you again. After a few moments, you spoke up, "Mat…" but your voice fell flat when you couldn't think of the right words to fill the air.

"You still come over, but only when you need someone to dry your tears when your boyfriend did something stupid. You come to me. You only come to me when you need my comfort, but you can’t give me the comfort when I need it, and I’m fucking tired of it.” His words weren’t bitter towards you at all. That’s not what he felt. He wasn’t angry at you, he was angry that either of you had let your boyfriend come between you, he was angry at himself for letting you go, for being too fucking insecure to tell you anything. “You- you keep telling me you wish you could find someone like me. But can't you tell how perfect I am for you?"

"Mat, stop." You were picking with your fingers, a habit he knew all too well.

“I know you remember that night.”

“Mat…”

“It was when you were still trying to date, and always came over after your bad first dates. We cuddled, we…. We got way closer than friends should. I thought- I guess I just thought there was something there. I thought we’d end up as more…”

“I-” Your throat was tight. You hadn’t even realized how much Mat’s words were affecting you. “You can't just… drop all this on me right now, it's not fair."

"What do you really see in him?"

"What?"

"What do you see in him? Does he really love you like you know I do?" You sat quietly, your mouth agape, eyes dropping to the table. Mat’s voice dropped quieter. “You know I love you. I know you know. Friends don’t just cuddle and… and fucking open up about every single little insecurity and promise each other they’ll never leave, and say ‘at least I know you’d never do this to me. I loved you. So fucking much. And it’s so hard to watch you fall in love with someone else, when my heart is so fucking full of love for you.” Mat scoffed in spite of himself. He knew he was fucking it all up, your friendship, any chance of a relationship with you, and it was making his words taste even more bitter. "You know what's not fair? How I have to sit here, watching you fall in love with someone who doesn't love you nearly as much as I do."

“Please stop, Mat.” You quieted him, your hands shaking, in fear of what would come of your surely-shattered friendship. “I- I didn’t know. I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“Bullshit.” Mat was well aware of the tears beading in his eyes, but he tried his hardest to ignore the burn of them rolling thickly down his cheeks. “I- I was always there to hold you… to comfort you when your dates didn’t go well or when your boyfriend fucked up. Can’t you see?”

The silence that fell between the two of you was deafening. Neither of you could make eye contact, and instead focused on staring at the table, not caring about the people inevitably walking around you and wondering what was happening.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Mat.”

“Yeah.”

“I didn't… I’m with my boyfriend. I can’t just…” You shook your head. “I don’t know what you want me to do.”

“Nothing.” Mat sat back in his chair. He’d said what he invited you here to say, and that was all he had planned. He didn’t think of anything else past this point. “I just… I had to tell you. I’m not gonna tell you what to do, I’m not gonna say you have to choose me or him, and I’m sure this fucked up our friendship like crazy. I just- I can’t keep watching this, okay? That’s all I had to say. I know you love him, and I… fuck, I still love you. I just hope you don’t forget about me, alright?”

“Mat, you’re my best friend.”

Mat stood up, sliding down some money for the drink he had bought earlier. God, he felt like shit, watching the girl he loved move on, knowing there was no way they could keep going on like this, no way she would want to keep seeing him knowing how he felt. But he couldn’t hide it any longer, and now, it was ruined.

“I gotta go.”

#this is probably shit and doesn't make any sense #i just had.......... emotions #welp

[subtlereferencetomyinterests]

Something to Uplift Us

Ao3,  MasterPost

Relationships:  Romantic DLAMPR (Roman-centric, kinda Remus-centric), platonic Creativitwins!!!

Do I like this??? Meh. Is it something that I wrote? Yes. I will heal myself from SVS-R with Fluff.

Warnings: Remus Typical Nonsense, swearing, mentions of being in Quarantine, all sympathetic sides, non-sexual Pole Dancing

Word Count: 2,667 

Roman was the essence of romance and it showed. For his entire existence, he'd been well acquainted with the hypothetical. If he were his own person, if he had a prince of his own, if he had the chance at a romantic relationship, he knew what he would do. Roman knew relationships, he always had, and it had tortured him to know that he'd never have one.

Which was why it frustrated him to no end that he hadn’t been the one to ask out his fellow sides. He’d honestly never thought that it would be an option. When he first developed his feelings for the others- Virgil, Patton, Logan, Janus, in that order- he had felt nothing more than excitement. He was giddy, he was light-headed, just to know that he could feel that way. He would spend hours daydreaming, just musing over the way they made his heart stop, but he never hoped for anything to come of it. He wasn’t sad, or mournful, or pining per se- just so caught up in the joy of feelings that he forgot that he could do something with them. 

So he thought about it a lot, suffice to say. And all he had now was time to think; it was nearly month three of quarantine. Roman had wrung his brain out like a sponge for anything new to think about- The Imagination was practically turning gray! He tried to tend to it, truly he did, but it was getting harder every day. Creativity's fellow sides had all busied themselves taking up new hobbies- Virgil was teaching Patton to draw, Janus had learnt embroidery, Logan took up knitting, Remus made trash sculptures… They all seemed to be having their own little renaissance (complete with plague), and what was Roman doing? Wasting valuable free time!

  In a fit of desperation, the artistic trait dived under his large canopy bed, rummaging around until his hand caught on the lip of a cardboard box. With no small amount of effort, he pulled the enormous container out from under his bed so that it could be properly examined. There, piled high in the box, were dozens of notebooks and sketchbooks- all of which filled to the brim with writing, drawings, and poetry. Having no clue what he was specifically looking for, Roman upended the box and watched the contents crash to the floor. Something in here would surely spark his mind! Perhaps some old work would catch his eye and inspire some redraws!

The side hadn't needed to search for long. Right at the top of the pile- bright pink, its cover dotted with puffy heart stickers- sat a large, spiral-bound sketchbook. You could almost see the light bulb pop up over Roman’s head as he squealed and snatched up the sketchbook. Flopping down onto his bed, he flipped it open in one hand and placed the other against his chest. 

“Ooh, some of my best,” he cooed to no one in particular, gaze turned to the dozens of love poems surrounded by little doodles of hearts that filled the pages. This was the journal he’d confided in before the sides had all officially begun their relationship, filled with flowery prose about anything from Janus’ scales to Patton’s smile; from Logan’s laugh to Virgil’s freckles (a rare sight, usually hidden by make-up). Roman was so lost in nostalgia that when the ideas hit him, he nearly fell out of bed in excitement at his own thoughts.

Of course! He could take all of these old writings and compose them together, into one eloquent amalgam that would illustrate perfectly all those things that he’d been unable to articulate in the beginning! And it seemed only fitting that such a soliloquy be delivered in The Imagination- in the most gorgeous scenario he could fabricate! Somewhere open to a starry sky, for his left-brained loves- but it had to have ornate architecture, of course, and it had to be cozy. Oh, it was all coming together now.

Roman leapt out of bed, posing with his hand above his head and sinking deeper into The Mindscape extravagantly. He didn’t waste time looking around at the depressing half-formed scenery, sweeping his arms up and erasing the entirety of his half of The Imagination. Time to get to work.

Remus was stretched across the Commons couch, his head in Janus’ lap and feet in Logan’s. The TV hummed with whatever show they’d thrown on as background noise, and a few feet away at the counter, Patton and Virgil were hovering over some sort of scrapbook.  Nobody had the energy for conversation; nobody had the energy for anything. 

It was magnificently boring. The Duke already filled up an entire sketchbook, written half a dozen shamelessly smutty self-insert fanfictions, constructed and subsequently destroyed eldritch beings in his room, and bothered his boyfriends. So, all that was left to do was doze.

It didn’t help Remus’ tired state that Janus was running his fingers through his hair. The monotonous waking world was finally slipping away. Maybe there was something buried in his dreams that could hold his attention.

But just before sleep took hold, a white-hot energy ran through the trait’s body, jolting him so suddenly that he tumbled off of the couch and onto the floor. His arms and legs were all pins-and-needles as he looked up at his very concerned partners.

“There’s fuckery afoot!” Remus announced, wide-eyed. He pulled himself up and grinned, “You guys stay here!” 

Without so much as a good-bye, Remus threw himself into the ground, saving himself the time of sinking out properly. After a moment’s silence, Janus resumed working on his embroidery. 

“Should we go see what that was about?” Patton asked tentatively. 

“Meh,” the three other sides responded in unison. After a moment, Janus added, “It is Remus, after all.”

Roman’s structure was coming together beautifully! Wide marble columns rose up and held aloft the glimmering silver ceiling, the middle of which was a sky-light open to thousands of stars and a brilliant full moon. Surrounding the opening was a spiral of stone roof- through the gaps of which even more astronomically accurate stars shone!

The inside of the building consisted of an immense mahogany stage, currently cloaked by thick velvet curtains and overlooking plenty of seats. Rather than traditional theater rows, Roman had arranged the seating like lovely cafe tables, all of which were given generous space from each other (Except for two at the very front, of course). Lanterns hung from the walls, casting the space in warm lighting. Creativity currently stood at the very back, thinking that it could use just a little more of something. With a smirk, the side snapped his fingers and the wall of the room was pushed backwards several yards. With a few more flicks of the wrist and dividing columns, a little lobby was formed. 

He’d given the theater room maroon carpeting and rich gray walls, but the new back section needed brighter lighting and a more cream-canary color scheme. Now he could just finish the decor!

Or he would have, if not for the fact that at that moment someone crashed into his ribs with all the grace of a flaming motorbike. 

“BRO!!!”

“ACK-!” was all Roman managed, as all the wind was knocked out of him. He glared up at his brother, who was sitting on his chest. 

“I knew you were up to something! You wiped half of the whole fucking Imagination! What is this!?” 

Roman wheezed, pushed Remus off of his chest, and finally pulled himself off the ground to catch his breath. His brother was spinning around the room already, eyes sparkling as he took in the building.

“I had to blank it, I needed my full focus,” Roman explained, back to work and filling the back wall with tall bookshelves, “and it’s a surprise, so don’t tell the others.”

“Oh, I won’t. Provided you let me in on whatever this is,” Remus had an ear-to-ear grin, bouncing on the balls of his feet. After a moment’s consideration, Roman hummed.

“I’m doing something nice for our boyfriends. I think we all could use a little pick-me-up, so do not ruin this!”

“I wanna do something nice for them! Lemme help!” 

“You don’t even know what it’s for! Plus, it’s personal!”

“I already asked what it was for, Stupid.”

Roman huffed.

“I wrote them something. Hence the stage.”

“So, what, you’re gonna bring them all into your fancy library-opera for your poetry orgy and I sit in a corner somewhere and be quiet?”

“Ideally.”

“Not a chance, Whore!” Remus swung himself up onto the concession stand that Roman had just created, tearing into a box of candy (food made in The Imagination always tasted weirder than food or ingredients they conjured elsewhere in the Mindscape, but he didn’t particularly mind). 

“Fine. What do you want to do?” Roman challenged, hands on his hips.

“I. Want. To. Help.”

Roman raised his eyebrows doubtfully. Grumbling, his twin started gesturing around the room as he spoke.

“The stars are too bright, they take the focus away from the stage instead of accenting it. The color of the curtains are too similar to the carpet. You’ve got Corinthian shit in there and bookstore lobby vibes in here, which is garbage and inconsistent.”

Roman blinked, his eyes following along with Remus’ criticism. 

“Hm. You have a point.”

“I’m Creativity too, you know. I have some taste.” The Duke said, gnawing on the cardboard box that had contained Imagination Candy moments before. 

“You’re wearing crocs and jorts, simultaneously.”

Remus waved his hand dismissively, hopping off the counter and rushing across the room.

“Whatever. Come on, I’ve got an idea how I can accompany your performance, too.”

“Oh, goody.”

Hours had past and little had changed in the Mindscape living room- Virgil and Patton had finished up their scrapbooking and were curled up together in an armchair, so Logan was sitting at the counter space previously occupied by the two and clacking away on his laptop, and Janus hadn’t moved. The muddled energy of the room had remained pervasive.

That was, until the door to the imagination slammed open, the doorknob cracking against the wall. Four heads shot up to see Remus and Roman, standing side-by-side (quite looking the part of identical twins, matching smiles and all). 

“Oh god,” Janus groaned instinctively, carefully setting his embroidery on a side table, “What did you two do?”

“Yeah, I don’t trust that look,” Virgil said.

The twins scoffed in mock-offense, continuing their odd coordination.

“We try to do something nice,” exclaimed Remus.

“And not so much as a ‘thank you,’” added Roman solemnly. Eyes were rolled, but Patton perked up considerably (just as planned). 

“Ooo, what are you talking about?” 

“It’s a surprise!” Said The Duke, bouncing up and down. Creativity Prime gave a sweeping motion to indicate the still-open door to the Imagination, which had been steadily seeping into the common room with a bright new energy that it had been lacking for days. 

“Follow us,” he instructed, disappearing through the door once more with Remus at his back. Patton bounced after them immediately, grinning. 

The three left-brained sides exchanged glances, shrugged, and followed suit. 

The twins were backstage in an instant, trusting their partners to figure out where their seats were on their own. Roman began pacing around as soon as they finished warming up. 

“Are you sure you can do this? I’m still not sure if your performance is well-suited to acoustic guitar-”

He was cut off by Remus groaning exaggeratedly.

“I can work with anything, bitch.” 

“Right, right,” There was a beat. “You’re sure you’re ready?”

“I’ve been ready. What’s going on with you?”

Rather than responding, Roman did another lap around the stage. 

“C’mon! Stop pacing before I take a bonesaw to your legs!”

“Okay! Alright! I’m ready!”

Before Remus could come up with any more gruesome threats, Roman snapped his fingers and the curtains began to rise. He took his place half-sitting on a stool up front, a guitar in his arms. Behind him, Remus stood between two sturdy metal poles that rose from the stage and into the ceiling. You can already see where this is going.

When the stage was fully revealed, the lights above the audience dimmed. Figuring that the show would be rather awkward if said audience consisted of four people, the Creativities had The Imagination render dozens of prop-people. They moved and acted like a crowd of humans, but each individual was too vague to focus on for long. Thus it was made very clear where their fellow sides were, sitting right up front with a wide array of expressions from amazed to amused to bewildered.

Roman took a moment to steel himself and then began playing. Originally, he’d planned on spoken-word for his loves, but traditionally there is music involved in pole-dancing, so he’d made a few adjustments in order for Remus to be able to contribute. 

Roman started singing, melting as the gazes of the real audience members turned awestruck (and also very flushed, likely from whatever surprisingly impressive poses his brother was pulling behind him). He liked to think that he poured his heart out into every performance, but for this one it felt quite literal. 

Roman’s voice picked up gradually, and he could vaguely hear metal clanging behind him. It went on like that for a good few minutes- because if there was one thing the Twins weren’t, it was brief- before the show finally concluded. Roman stalled for a moment as both the imaginary and real components of the audience applauded uproariously. Remus swung down from the pole and hopped over to him.

“We bow now, Dumbass,” he hissed, noticeably out of breath.

“Oh- right.”

They took hands and took a couple bows as the clapping died down, standing back up with wide grins and red faces. 

As soon as the auditorium was relatively silent, Patton rushed the stage. He outstretched his arms and hopped up and down excitedly.

“Lemme up!” 

Roman grabbed his hands and pulled him on stage while Remus was still attempting to catch his breath. Morality leaned down to give The Prince a brief kiss, and then bounced over to the much more exhausted half of the act to give him the same treatment. He was grinning so wide that it looked painful, his face a bright pink. The Duke wore a matching expression, but the smile was much more unnatural in that preferred way of his.

“So you liked it?”

Rather than verbally responding, Patton grabbed the hands of both Creativities and made a cheerful ribbiting sound.

“It was wonderful,” Logan supplied, climbing the stairs on the side of the stage to meet them, Virgil and Janus right behind him. He was much less outwardly enthusiastic as the other spectacled side, but no less appreciative.

“Yeah, did you guys put all this together today?” Virgil asked, throwing an arm around Roman’s shoulders. 

“What else did we have to do?” Remus answered with a shrug. 

“Good point.”

Janus cleared his throat lightly, immediately drawing everyone’s attention. His eyes were noticeably rimmed with redness, a small smile on his face as he outstretched all of his arms.

“Here, all of you, now.”

Patton cooed.

“Group hug!” 

Fitting six people into one hug may seem awkward, but it always seemed to work out for the sides. At least, Roman thought so. Virgil would fake exasperation at the affection, but they could all tell he loved it. Logan would try to maintain his dignity and fail miserably. Patton was a ball of warmth and energy that seeped into the rest of them. Janus was by far the best at giving hugs, though it could be considered cheating to have extra limbs.

At that moment it hit Roman that, perhaps he hadn’t started this relationship, but he was still a part of it. And that was all he could ever want.

These    Performances    inspired Remus’. They are oddly calming to watch, and super impressive!

@shrimp-crockpot

#my writing #fanfiction #fanfic #sanders sides #ts #sanders sides fanfic #ts fanfiction #dlampr #prinxiety #dukexiety #roceit #demus #dukeceit #logince #intrulogical #intruality #royality #tw cursing #roman #remus #virgil #patton #janus #logan #ts logan #ts janus #ts patton #ts virgil #ts remus #ts roman

[voltagesmutter]

Kiro - ‘You’re a different person’

THESE HURT POSTS ARE LIKE PRINGLES, ONE YOU POP YOU CAN’T STOP

This one was difficult due to Kiro being such a sweetiepie, but nevertheless here we are.

Kiro - Angst/Hurt

“Kiro don’t you dare walk out right now!” You cried as you watched the blond hair leaving the room and slamming the door, you pressed yourself against the wall breaking down into tears. You had been arguing for hours, it was escalating and escalating, until he finally stormed out.

“Kiro he is a work colleague!”.

“Well it certainly looks more than friendly to me,”.

“What is that supposed to mean?”.

“You, you were clearly flirting with him, you were more or less flaunting over him!”.

“Jesus, Kiro we can’t keep having this argument, I am not cheating on you with Zyn, please stop this,”.

“If you stopped spending time with him and focused more on me I wouldn’t have to think this,”.

“Kiro, it’s not fair, you're rarely here, I have to have friends,”.

“Don’t turn this on me!”. 

It lasted well into the night before Kiro finally stormed out. He was right, you had been spending a lot of time with Zyn but he had come out to you querying his sexuality and you wanted to support him. It was true, Kiro was so busy on tour and with his manager keeping him on a strict schedule you rarely saw each other. He was jealous over the time you spent with another, but you couldn’t help it. You were lonely without Kiro, you got very little time together in person and recently your phone calls became shorter and less frequent. 

Sighing you stood up and got some water, your mom always told you never to go sleep on a argument  but maybe an early night would help. ‘Please just come back, I love you,’ you texted him before settling into bed, waiting for him to return. 

You awake to an empty bed, Kiro hadn’t come back to yours, he must have gone home. You pulled yourself up and dressed, he was only home for a few days and you weren't going to waste it arguing. You took the cupcakes you had specially made out of the fridge and set off to Kiro’s house, cupcakes and cuddles should fix this. Only it wouldn’t.

When you opened the door, you had your own key, you dropped the cakes you was holding and your stomach knotted. There on his sofa was Kiro, his clothes on the floor, an opened condom wrapper… and a brunette next to him. You stood there in silence, your mouth going dry looking at him sleep peacefully, tears building up. Your sweetest Kiro, your angel Kiro, your Kiro with another woman laying naked beside him. You was about to turn and leave when his agent came rushing in.

“Kiro! I saw the door open and I-!” He yelled as he ran in, stopping when he saw the sight then you standing next to him, his jaw dropping.

“Miss.Chips?” He mumbles as he turned on his side, his words clenching at your heart, before he jolted up and looked around in confusion. His eyes met yours, as tears ran down your face as you shook your head before running out unable to look any longer. Kiro was the sweetest being alive, how could he do this to you?

“Miss.Chips- Damit, Bella!” He yelled and sprinted after you, he had shoved his shirt on and was holding his jeans trying to do them up.

“Bella stop!” He was faster than you and caught up to you within seconds, his hand grabbed your wrist and turned you to face, tears falling from both your faces.

“How could you!” You cried and shoved your hands against his chest.

“I-it was mistake, a stupid stupid mistake, miss.chips please-” He went to stroke your face but you slapped his hand away.

“Don’t ever call me that again!”.

“Who is she Kiro!” Your heart was unable to control its throbbing pain, the definition of innocence in-front of you, but you couldn’t bare to look at him anymore.

“She’s a fan… We’ve… before I met you,” He said, dropping his head.

“A fan? A fucking fan Kiro!” You yelled, people had started to gather on the street at the commotion.

“Bella, please can talk about this” He asked, his eyes trying to find yours.

“About what Kiro? About how I walk in and find you lying in a sexual bliss with a fucking fan? After you have the nerve to storm out on me for spending time with Zyn?” Your arms flailing.

“Bella, please I’m sorry, it didn’t mean to happen, I was angry after the whole Zyn argument I thought we was over, please lets go back and talk,” He whispered, trying not draw anymore attention around you but you shook your head.

“Sorry doesn’t take back what you did, this is a relationship Kiro! After an argument you don’t just jump into bed with the next thing you see!” You manage through tears before turning away, “Oh and Zyn is gay,”. You sobbed on your way home before crying into your bed. Kiro, he was perfect, so caring, so sweet and yet he had cheated on you. 

Social media was blowing up ‘#WhatsHappenedKiro’ was trending, videos and photos from your argument earlier was being shared everywhere. Many media agencies reached out to you, asking for your story and you knew you could ruin Kiro in seconds. But that wasn’t you, you never wanted to hurt him, regardless what you did. 

Everything of Kiro’s you packed into a box, unable to look at it, everything of him reminded you of the sight you saw this morning. The condom wrappers, her naked back, his blissful face, it all stung.

Kiro’s appearance on social media disappeared, sending it into a frenzy of ‘#whereiskiro’. He had tried to ring you everyday but you never answered, you couldn’t bring yourself to talk to him, your heart throbbed when you thought of him. It wasn’t until a week later Kiro had made a public appearance on a tv show, he explained everything, how he was jealous, the argument, how he cheated and how sorry he was to you. It was an apology to you, done on live national tv but you didn’t want to hear it.

“Kinda pathetic right?” A booming voice came from behind you and turned to see Victor. You wiped the tears away, sniffling slightly. It hurt to see him cry on the tv, apologising and pleading to him. 

“Its sweet actually,” You say before your lip trembles, “But it’s too late, I can’t go back to him after it,”. 

“Well the idiot clearly never realised what he had in front of him,” Victor, gives you faintest of ghostly smiles. You sigh slightly and return his smile, your heart ached after Kiro’s confession. 

“Bella? Bella!” He answered, his voice sounded tired. You were sitting in Victor's office alone, he had offered you somewhere private to talk. 

“I saw what you did and said, that was really brave,” You replied, it took all your strength not to burst into tears.

“Please, please let me see you Miss.Chips,” He chuckles ever so slightly, and you feel a tear running down your face, you felt like you was about to kill a puppy.

“Kiro this doesn’t change anything…”

“You still slept with another person and I.. I can’t forgive you for that, you’re a totally different person to me now,” You burst into tears and you could hear him crying down the other end.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” He repeated over and over. 

“I will always love you Kiro but I’m sorry, this is goodbye,” You whisper before ending the call, you fall against Victor's desk in sobs. 

‘Are you still-” Victor asks, poking his head around the door before closing it softly and making his way to you. Without a word he pulls you into his arms and holds you as you sob against his chest. 

It had been six months since Kiro had broke your heart and you in time had slowly healed, Kiro was hugely hated amongst his fans after his apology, being slammed for cheating on you. It broke your heart to see all he worked for taken away within a heart beat, his career didn’t need to suffer like your relationship. You appeared on the same show a week laters after Kiro’s apology.

“So Bella please tell us your side,” The interviewer asked and you took a breath.

“I’m not here to slam Kiro, our time together was happy, well the time we actually got to spend together, what happened in our relationship is private and no matter what happened his career shouldn’t be affected,” You say with a weak smile.

“Wow, you really are handling this maturely,” The interviewer giving you a smile.

“I have a really good friend helping me through this,” You smile and your eyes fall to Victor who was standing in the side watching you. 

You smiled and inhaled the spring air as you walked into the festival, the smell of cotton candy fresh in the air. Just as you was taking in the sights an old voice called out to you.

“Bella? Is that you?” You turned and saw Kiro, who was slightly stunned slightly to see you.

“Kiro, hi,” You said. The awkward tension filled between you.

“How are you, you look incredible, Miss.Chips,” He laughed ever so slightly but you could see the pain in his eyes.

“I’m so sorry for what I did to you, do you think maybe I could take you to dinner to apologise?” He smiles softly. 

“There you are, I was looking everywhere for you dummy,” Victor says, waltzing up behind you and wrapping an arm around you and giving your forehead a small kiss, “Oh hello, Kipo is it?”. You gently nudge in his ribs to stop him talking.

“It was nice to see you Kiro, but we need to get going,” You say and the pair of you turn around. 

“Here, I got you this, the most perfect flower for my most perfect idiot,” Victor says softly as he presses a rose into your hand and you beam with happiness as you walk hand in hand through the festival.

Kiro feels his heart being wrenched from his body watching you, all he ever wanted was to make you happy and instead he broke your heart. His painfully slow healing heart re-tore open as he watched Victor make you happy in ways he couldn’t, he cherished you and wanted to spend every moment he had with you. Something that Kiro couldn’t give you...

#mlqc #mlqc kiro #mr love kiro #mr love queen's choice kiro #mr love queen's choice #god damn i need to stop

[side-effect-of-the-meds]

Oh my, I need to know what is going to happen with Niko and Kev after Kev panicked

Winter spends the night picking the pieces and gluing Niko back together again. They wipe the tears from his face and convince him to stay right where he is until they come back. They’re only gone ten minutes but it feels like ten years so Niko buries himself in a nest of Winter’s sheets. When they make it back upstairs with a shit ton of food, their chest aches bc look at him! He looks like a literal child hiding from his father. That’s when they send the text message to Kevin. It’s not that they mind Niko staying over, they’re just so upset bc he’s in so much pain. Platonic cuddles ensue bc neither of them have confessed yet.

Kevin is crying as he curls up in Aaron’s arms. Amalia is still very angry at her father but he’s crying now so she sits with him too. None of them really know what to do. Niko doesn’t know about his biological parents yet and neither of them are keen on telling him just yet. Instead, Aaron holds Kevin until his tears run dry and tucks him into bed. Amalia decides she’s going to spend the night in her dads’ room so she gets tucked in beside him. 

As soon as Aaron leaves the room, Kevin calls Niko. It goes straight to voicemail. Kevin curls up around his daughter and tries not to cry again. 

Aaron calls too and, right before it can go to voicemail, Niko picks up. 

“Niko.” His name came out in a breath Aaron hadn’t known he’d been holding. 

“Dad.” The crack in Niko’s voice shatters Aaron’s heart. He’s never heard Niko sound so hurt. 

“I just wanted to check on you. Make sure you get some sleep, alright?” Aaron couldn’t see him but he knew Niko was nodding. Sometimes, when things hurt too much, Niko had the tendency to shut down. His brain stopped functioning and he forgot how to speak. Selective mutism was something that often accompanied anxiety but, with his new medication, Niko’s episodes were getting fewer and farther between. Aaron worried his bottom lip between his teeth. How far back is this going to set him? It didn’t matter. They’d figure it out. They always did. “Can I talk to Winter?”

“Sir?” Winter’s voice was softer than freshly fallen snow. 

“How’s he doing?”

“He hasn’t spoken since he got here. Ko, had to write down what happened.” Aaron cursed. “I’ll bring him home tomorrow morning. How’s your husband?” Winter’s voice went tight. Unlike Aaron, whose anger raged like a fire, there was something frigid about Winter’s anger that sent chills down his spine. 

“Kevin feels terrible.”

“He should.” And the line went dead. Winters in Washington were harsh and unforgiving. Winter Aziz was no different. Aaron slipped his phone into his pocket and scrubbed a hand over his face. Tomorrow morning was going to be Hell. Cracking the bedroom door open, he slid in and got changed in the closet. He tossed his phone onto the nightstand before climbing into bed. Kevin’s arm wrapped instinctively around him and Amalia scooched closer in her sleep. It wasn’t long before sleep dragged Aaron’s eyes shut, leaving all his problems for the morning. 

Sleep didn’t come quite so easily to Niko. Trapped in the confines of his mind, he struggled to explain to Winter why everything hurt so much. It didn’t seem to matter though. Winter knew everything there was to know about him. They knew that the sting of Kevin’s slap was nothing compared to the complete and utter betrayal of Niko’s trust. In the background, an old bollywood movie was playing but neither Niko paid it no attention. Instead, he found himself quite content to stare at Winter. Reaching a careful hand out, he buried it into the messy mop of curls atop their head. They turned to look at him then. 

“Pretty,” he managed to struggle out. A flush of color crept up Winter’s necks and their cheeks went pink. Every time Niko began to think Winter was as beautiful as they could get, they went and proved him wrong. Niko let his hand fall out of their hair and trail down their cheek.

“Niko,” Winter said, a note of warning in their voice. He let his hand fall away entirely. He watched in silence as they stood and drifted around the room, getting ready for bed. They’d already dragged him out of bed to brush his teeth and sat him down on a stool in the tub to give him a very quick bath. That had been a rather interesting ordeal. 

Winter had commanded Niko to strip down to his boxers and sit down on the stool. As always, Niko did what he was told. He’d watched as Winter rolled up their sleeves and stripped down to their own boxers before stepping in behind him. With gentle hands, they’d washed his hair and scrubbed his body. A little soap had fallen onto Winter’s nose, something that had only become apparent to Niko as they’d shifted to stand in front of him. Immediately, he found himself filled with the urge to kiss it off. Without thinking, he’d caught their face in his hand and drew them close. It was only at the last second that he realized what he was doing and managed to change his motion from a kiss to blowing the bubbles off their face. Winter’s laughter had filled the bathroom as they swiped the last of the soap off their face. They’d helped Niko out before handing him a towel and some clothes and sending him on his way. 

Laying in bed, Niko wondered if there’d ever be a time when he wouldn’t want to kiss Winter. He highly doubted that. Maybe one day he’d grow the balls to actually do it. The lights clicked off but the moonlight streaming through the open window illuminated Winter’s form. Some days, Niko truly believed that they had been crafted from the mantle of one of the moon’s craters and given life by the light of its rays. There was something so otherworldly and ethereal about Winter that he could think of no other explanation. He’d told them as much once and they’d laughed. 

“No moon could shine without the light of their sun,” Winter had replied. 

“Who’s your sun?” Niko had asked. Winter hadn’t said anything, opting instead to brush one of Niko’s stray curls from his face. Oh. Niko’s face burned brighter than any star at the implication. 

There were times when Niko let himself believe that maybe, just maybe, Winter might like him. It was a stupid thought to have and Niko knew it couldn’t be true but... it was just such a nice thought. A future with Winter was nothing more than a daydream, a reverie with which Niko had spent so many endless hours envisioning that it might have been enough to constitute a lifetime on its own. 

Niko rolled over onto his side to give Winter space on the bed. If he dared to lay facing them, there’d be no chance of him getting any sleep at all. On more than one occasion, Niko had wasted the whole night studying the soft curves of Winter’s face. The bed shifted slightly beneath Winter’s slight weight. An arm came, wrapping around his torso and drawing him in. Niko’s heart nearly stopped when Winter laced their hand through his and pressed it to his chest. 

“Goodnight, Nikoshi,” they mumbled into the back of his neck. It took every ounce of his will to control the full-body shudder the heat of their breath elicited. There really would be no sleep tonight for him, would there? 

Amalia woke first. Normally she’d be content to lay there between her dads but today was Saturday and on Saturdays, she watched Fish Hooks with Niko. She scrambled out of bed, careful not to hit either of her dads on her way out. She padded across the hall to his room. The door was wide open and Niko was nowhere to be found. Her chest tightened as she tiptoes downstairs. The living room and kitchen were empty too. 

The door alarm chimed and Amalia rushed to the foyer in time to see Winter step in with Niko not far behind. Amalia raced up to her brother and flung her arms around him. 

“Let’s go. Let’s go. Let’s go,” she chanted. 

“Where?” Niko asked. 

“We’re going to miss Fish Hooks,” Amalia whined as she tugged him towards the living room. A look passed between Niko and Winter. “You’re Imzadi can come too,” Amalia said. Niko made a strangled noise as he looked at her in horror. 

“What’s an Imzadi?” Winter asked, shutting the front door. 

“Friend,” Niko replied quickly. Amalia grinned up at her brother, content to watch him squirm. She took his hand and led him to the living room, Winter trailing behind. The three of them sat down on the couches and watched tv until they heard the familiar shuffling of their father on the steps. Niko went rigid and the memories of the day before flooded her mind. 

Kevin stopped short at the sight of Niko on the couch. Having Niko home was like having a thousand-pound weight taken off his chest but the glare Niko gave him now seemed to weigh even more. 

“Can we... talk?” Kevin asked quietly. He watched as Winter tightened their grip on Niko’s arm but he shook it off as he stood. Kevin followed silently after Niko as they headed for the kitchen. “I’m sorry,” was the first thing out of his mouth. Niko looked unimpressed. “I’m going to show you something and you can not tell Amalia. She’ll find out in her own time.” With those words, Kevin tugged his shirt off to reveal the mess of scars that ran along his torso. He heard Niko curse under his breath.��

“How-”

“Who,” Kevin corrected. “When I was very young, my mother died and I was sent to live with a friend of hers. Tetsuji Moriyama was not kind to me but his nephew was. Riko was like a brother to me and the only family I’d ever known. There’s a lot of things about the Moriyamas that I need to tell you but now is not the time. Neil and Jean are coming to visit this summer. I’ll tell you everything then, but now, what you need to know is that my brother hurt me. It started with small things: hitting me when he got mad, shoving me when I got in the way, and then it escalated to-” the words caught in Kevin’s throat and he swallowed hard. He shut his eyes then. “To this,” he said, gesturing the scars that crisscrossed his torso and raced down his forearm. He couldn’t bear to look at them.“Riko tried to ruin me and, for a second, I thought that you’d ruin Amalia too.”  

No answer came. Not a verbal one at least. Instead, Kevin felt Niko’s arms wrap around him, crushing him close. Hot tears seared Kevin’s skin. He held Niko tight. 

“I’m not him,” Niko choked out. 

“No,” Kevin agreed. “You’re most definitely not.” 

#just a pipe dream #all for the game #the foxhole court #aftg #tfc #all for the gay #the foxes #aaron micheal minyard #aaron minyard #kevin day #kevaaron #nikoshi doe #winter aziz #amalia day #reveal to me your deepest desires

[venmomejoy]

The Lucky Ones- part 2

Thank you guys for reading!! I hope you like this chapter :)

Read it on AO3 here !!!

part one / part three / part four

As soon as Neil made it back into his interim home, he spent hours pouring over the script Kevin had given him. Neil immersed himself in the pages of dialogue and stage directions, allowing himself to leave Neil Josten for a while and slip into the mind of Alex Howell.

The Foxes was a lot different than Evermore. Where Evermore focused on magic and fantasy elements, The Foxes had a modern setting, with no supernatural aspects. Rather than flashy effects and gripping action scenes, The Foxes depicted the messy lives and relationships of the students at Palmetto High School, specifically how they interact and respond in the wake of the murder of a classmate, all the while navigating friendship and romance and identity. Neil will be playing Alex, a transfer student who is chock-full of secrets, and seems to know more than he is letting on. The irony wasn't lost on Neil. 

He tried to get some sleep, but only managed to toss and turn for a few hours, restlessness forcing his eyes open. Early morning light was just beginning to filter through the windows when Neil inspected the contents of his duffel bag, ensuring all of his belongings were still inside. He never unpacked the thing, or left it out of his sight long enough for someone to go through it, but he would rather be safe than sorry. He couldn't afford to lose these things; he would be completely alienated from all of his connections and resources if he did, losing contacts for quality fake IDs and coordinates for stashes of cash. 

Neil desperately needed to run, craving the blankness of mind that comes with pushing his body to its limits, but unfortunately, abandoned houses weren't equipped with running water, and he thought it was probably bad form to show up for his first day sticky with dried sweat, for as soon as they landed in L.A., they would be heading straight to set so Neil could meet the cast and crew. 

If the pale pink light coloring the walls was any indication, it was far too early for Wymack to retrieve him, but Neil was too agitated to lie around any longer. He settled for a walk, needing some sort of outlet for the nervousness slowly eating through his sanity. Motion had always been Neil's most conformable state; running was what he was used to, what kept him safe. There was comfort in it- in movement, he was always in a position to escape. Sitting still left him vulnerable. It was in stillness that he could be cornered. 

Swinging his duffel bag over his shoulder, Neil turned and took one last look at the house. It was dingy, stains littering the ceiling and carpet, paint peeling off in large chunks, but Neil had kept it pretty clean. No one would suspect he had been squatting there for the past three and a half months. Neil took off without a backwards glance.

With hours to kill, Neil practically covered the entirety of the town as he walked. Residential streets eventually gave way to businesses- restaurants, doctors offices', the lone grocery store. Neil let his gaze dart around, checking for anyone hidden in the shadows, any strange cars passing him on the road. He knew this was a bad idea. Joining one of the most prominent shows on television was the exact opposite of what Neil needed to be doing if he wanted to stay alive. He needed to live in obscurity, and instead, he was pushing himself into the brightest spotlight he could find. Not to mention the fact that his personal life would be put on blast; the media loved to dredge up celebrities' private information. He wasn't sure his story would hold up under that kind of scrutiny. But he needed something, something to ground him, to sate this hunger for more than just survival.

Soon enough, the town started waking up. The streets began filling as people drove to work or dropped their kids off at school. There was a good amount of people walking as well, the town so small that it was easy enough to walk most everywhere you needed to go. Several people smiled as they passed Neil, some even waving in greeting; Neil instinctively dropped his head, letting his dark brown curls shield his face. Neil took the growing activity in town as indication that he should probably head towards the theater to meet Wymack. 

Within ten minutes Neil found himself at the front of the theater. The building was deserted- no one had business at the theater at eight a.m. on a Monday morning. Neil sat on the concrete steps leading to the building, his knee bouncing as he waited for the ride that would take him away from this life, away from all he'd ever known. 

The theater sat directly across from the high school. From where he was sitting, Neil could see the students lounging outside the building, chatting with their friends, waiting until the last possible minute to run into class. He had chosen to make Neil Josten eighteen when he moved here, even though he would not actually turn eighteen for five more months, so he had never been inside the school. Neil had been disconsolate when he arrived here; in the midst of altering his entire lifestyle so it would function without his mother, he didn't have it in him to bother with school. He also didn't want to worry about forging parental consent, which worked out well for Wymack's offer- being eighteen allowed him to sign the contract and work on set without required notification and consent of a guardian. 

A honk startled Neil from his thoughts, his hands flying to his bag as his muscles tensed to run, but he relaxed at the sight of Wymack behind the wheel. Kevin was staring unabashedly at Neil as he stalks over to the black suburban. He slid into the backseat next to Andrew, and the smile he shot Neil was nothing short of venomous. Neil kept his face blank as he averted his eyes. 

It was Kevin who spoke first. "Where is your stuff?"

"This is it." Neil tightened his grip on his bag as Kevin eyed it. 

"Do you want to put it in the trunk?" Wymack asked. "We have a bit of a drive to the airport." 

"I'm fine with it here."He could tell he had piqued Andrew's interest, could feel his eyes roving over his bag with renewed interest, but refused to acknowledge him. He could not give Andrew any indication of what this bag held, any reason to be curious about his belongings.

"Suit yourself," Wymack said, pulling the car onto the road. After moments of silence, he spoke up again. "So, Neil, you're familiar with The Foxes?"

"Sort of. I've seen a couple episodes." Without television or internet access, it was hard to find opportunities to watch. 

"Wow, too good to act with us, and too good to even watch the show? You've wounded my pride, Neil," Andrew drawled from beside him. 

Neil's jaw clenched, willing himself to maintain his docile persona. He didn't need to draw any unnecessary attention to himself, and certainly didn't need any enemies as dangerous as Andrew Minyard, if the stories about him were to be believed. "It's not that, we just didn't have internet access at my house."

"Your parents spend all that time working and they still can't afford internet?" Neil just looked at the blond, unable to come up with a response. 

"Andrew," Wymack warned. 

"We're all trying to figure out what the deal with your parents is. Well, I am, at least. My money's on them beating you, but Kevin and Wymack aren't the betting sort, so I'll have to take my wager elsewhere." Neil snapped his head up, meeting Andrew's taunting gaze. Neil knows he's just trying to provoke him, but it still unnerves him how close Andrew was to the truth after knowing Neil for an hour, if even.

"Jesus, Andrew," Wymack groans. "Cut the shit or I'll sign you up for the next marathon."

"I'm quaking in my boots." Andrew busts out in a fit of laughter that no one else joins. 

Entirely ignoring Andrew's comments, Kevin steers the conversation back towards the show. "You'll need to watch the first two seasons before we can even think about beginning production." He twists in his seat to look at Neil. "Everything builds on itself in television; the plot of this season will be in direct correlation to the plot of the previous ones. It's important that you understand everything that has already happened, how the other characters behave and interact, so you can properly play your role. A lot of characters' backstories and personalities have already been explored in the earlier seasons, and everything that occurs in season three will be written with the expectation that the audience has seen the previous episodes and already knows these facts; we cannot repeat things for you. So these two weeks, while you familiarize yourself with the cast and the inner workings of screen acting, you will watch the show. Then we can get started on the actual acting.” 

Neil knew all of this, of course, and was vaguely annoyed that Kevin was speaking to him like he was stupid, but he had told them he had no experience with screen acting, and an amateur would be hanging onto his every word. Unable to stoop that low, Neil settled on schooling his features into neutrality and offering a nod of understanding. But there was still another issue:

"How am I going to watch it?" Without a phone or a computer, there was no way for him to stream anything. 

"You'll be staying with us in the cast house, and we have TVs there that you can use," Kevin said, either unaware of or ignoring Neil's confused stare. 

Before he could ask Kevin about the cast house, Andrew spoke up. "Haven't you heard, Neil? We all live together during filming. One big, happy family." Laughter bubbles out of Andrew's chest. 

This posed new complications for Neil. On one hand, he wouldn't have to waste as much money on housing and the like. He had been nervous about blowing so much of his resources on a house, since he imagined he wouldn't be able to get away with squatting on abandoned property with so many people watching him. He would probably still have to pay a portion of the rent and utilities, but it would be far less than he was expecting, and that lifted a weight off of his shoulders. On the other, it would make it a lot harder for Neil to keep things confidential. Not only would he be at risk for people looking through his things, if he had to run he would have a whole crowd of people to sneak past. He would have to keep his guard up all the time; one slip-up could cost him his life, and he would no longer have a space to drop his act. 

The conversation dwindled after that, and the airport appeared sooner than Neil had anticipated. After checking their bags and going through security, the four of them walked to their gate and boarded the plane almost immediately. Neil was surprised to be seated first class; it made sense, he supposed, since he was flying with an acclaimed director and two of the most famous actors in Hollywood, but Neil had only ever flown in the economy class, he and his mother always opting for the cheapest option possible. The plush seats were roomier than the firm, cramped ones Neil had known. 

He was sat with Wymack, Kevin and Andrew sitting together across the aisle. From what he'd heard in the news, Andrew and Kevin were practically inseparable, one hardly ever being seen without the other. If they were as close as the media seems to think, Neil understood why they choose to sit together, but Neil couldn't help a little stab of resentment when he realized they had left him with Wymack. He didn't have anything against the man, but he had a deep-seated fear of any man that was close to his father's age, and Wymack fit the description. Neil tensed as soon as Wymack fell into the seat next to him, his instincts revolting at the idea of sitting in close quarters with him. Neil clasped his hands tightly in his lap, willing his muscles to relax. After the plane plateaued in the air, Neil pulled out his script and begins analyzing the lines, chunks beginning to stick in his memory. 

"It's important to read the entire script, so you know what is happening in the show as a whole, but after getting a general understanding of the episode's plot you should focus on your scenes. I know in theatre you have months of rehearsals to nail your lines, but screen acting is far more condensed. You have a couple of weeks now, but typically actors get the script only days before they begin filming. No need wasting brain space on scenes you are not even in."

Neil suppressed an eye roll at Wymack's unsolicited advice. His director filled the first half of the flight preparing Neil for what he would face when he arrived in L.A., explaining what the set would look like and how a typical day of filming would go. It had been many years since Neil had been on a set, and he had been a child at that, so he gladly absorbed all the information Wymack gave him. He told him a little bit about the main cast, and he told him that he and the rest of the cast will have biweekly meetings with their acting coach, Abby, courtesy of Kevin. Apparently, Kevin thought their biggest issue was that they acted as individuals, not as a team. In a scene, the actors need to draw from each other's energies and emotions to make the connection authentic, and Kevin's been working on making the cast more in sync. He and Wymack eventually settled into silence, Neil reading his script and Wymack typing away on his laptop. 

The flight was pretty short, only two hours of airtime before they were landing in LAX. The drive to the studio was quiet, the occasional comment fading into silence. Neil was staring out the window, taking in the scenery of his new home. It was dirtier than he expected, but still nice. He assumed the beautiful scenery always seen in movies was towards the beaches, not in the middle of urban life, so he cut the city some slack. The sheer amount of people he saw passing by had him clutching his duffel bag tighter. It was too easy to get lost in a city this big, to disappear and have no one notice you're gone until it's too late. Neil had been looking over his shoulder his whole life, but that isn't always enough when people are coming from all sides. 

They drove through security at the studio, providing authorization before parking in Wymack's designated spot. As Neil swung out of the car, he spotted a brown-skinned boy sprinting towards him, a grin breaking out on his face. If the curls didn't give the man's identity away, his personality did: Nicky Hemmick was bubbly beyond belief, his excitement making Neil vaguely uncomfortable. Walking at a much slower pace behind Nicky was a carbon copy of Andrew- his twin, Aaron. 

"You must be Neil," Nicky panted, sticking his hand out for Neil to shake when he got close enough. "How was your trip? I hope Kevin and Andrew didn't soil your opinion of us; I swear, the rest of us have manners."

Andrew feigned hurt. "Here I was, expecting a touching reunion, and this is what I'm met with? Slander, and from my own cousin!"

"It was fine," Neil said.

"That's good to hear. I'm Nicky, by the way. I play Henry." Nicky's character had always been a fan favorite; many people found themselves relating to the sweet gay kid and the adversity he faced as he came out.

Neil pulls up a quick smile. "It's nice to meet you."

Aaron didn't so much as acknowledge Neil when he looked over at him. Wymack's gruff voice spoke up. "Is everyone else inside?"

Nicky nodded. "Anxiously awaiting our newest member," he said, sending a wink Neil's way. 

With that, Kevin strode forward and Neil followed him into the building, Wymack, Nicky, and the twins flanking him. Kevin was pointing things out as they walked- where the bathrooms were, where the craft service was located- and eventually led him into the lounge, where the rest of the cast was sitting. Almost all of them stood as Neil entered, a tall boy with spiky black hair approaching him first. 

“Matt Boyd," he said, extending his hand. "Wymack showed us some videos of you performing, you seem like you have real talent. We're excited to work with you." 

"Speak for yourself," Aaron muttered from behind him. 

"Thank you," Neil responded to Matt. The man only clapped him on the shoulder, not noticing the way Neil stiffened under the contact. 

Matt pointed to the short-haired girl standing behind him, a fierce smile on her face. "This is Dan, our fearless leader." Dan Wilds played Kayla, the shows main protagonist. 

"And that is Renee," he said sweeping his hand to a girl with a kind face and rainbow-tipped hair, before moving onto a couple, the girl sitting on the boy's lap, his hands running idly over her thighs. "And the PDA show stars Allison and Seth. Those two are always all over each other. Well, unless their fighting. Then you won't see them speaking unless it's to hurl insults at each other."

"We can hear you, dick," Seth seethes.

Dan steps forward, halting the brewing fight before it could take off. "It's really good to meet you, Neil. Kevin said you have already started looking at the script?"

"Yeah, I studied it last night, and on the flight."

"Perfect, we want you to be as prepared as possible for your first time on set. We have a training session with Abby tomorrow, so that will give us an opportunity to feel out where you are in your skills and how you naturally work with all of us. We can go from there." Neil simply nodded. 

"The table read for the episode one will be in two weeks," Wymack says. "In that time, Neil, you need to be caught up on the show and familiar with the set. These guys will all help you if you have any questions. Now, I've got paperwork to do, so you maggots do something useful for once and show Neil around." With that, he strode out of the room.

Neil stood their awkwardly for a moment, unsure what to say, but Dan quickly came to his rescue. "Let's go, Neil. We can take you by your trailer so you can drop your stuff off, and then we'll show you the inner workings of a television set."

Neil followed Dan, with Matt, Allison, Seth, and Renee coming as well, but turned back to look at the group he was leaving behind. Kevin, Nicky, and Aaron were paying him no mind, not even noticing his gaze, but he found Andrew's eyes already on his. Andrew's intense gaze never wavered as a slow smile spread across his face. When Neil didn't break his stare, Andrew cocked his head to the side, flicking his fingers in a mocking goodbye. 

Neil had the feeling he would be seeing a lot more of Andrew. And he doubted it would be friendly.

#andreil #andrew minyard/neil josten #neil josten #andrew minyard #aaron minyard #nicky hemmick #matt boyd #allison reynolds #renee walker #dan wilds #david wymack #abby winfield #betsy dobson #riko moriyama #alternate universe #actors au #angst #fluff #slow burn #slow build #kevin day #all for the game

[gideongrace]

heartbroken and human

//This is a scene from my fic "as certain dark things are to be loved" and I love it so much I wanted to also put it here. But! BIG WARNING LABEL - this scene involves Neil and Max and Billy and Max seeing Neil hit Billy for the first time so, ABUSE AHEAD. It also involves siblings figuring their shit out, but you know. Be warned and all that.//

It's dark out by the time Max and Billy get home and again, Max has a bad feeling. She looks over at Billy and she knows he feels it too. It's like there's something in the air, something sharp and spiky, foul and acrid. 

Something dangerous.

Billy turns the headlights off, then cuts the engine and for a moment they both just sit there in the silence and the darkness, not speaking, not moving, barely even breathing. 

This is big, what they've done, it's big and now there are gonna be consequences.

The porch lights turn on and Max gets hit with a wave of nausea so violent it makes her dizzy. 

"Let's get this over with," Billy says as he steps out of the car. He's got this wary, resigned look on his face that Max realizes she's seen before. This time she feels bad for him for it and that… feeling bad for Billy? That's definitely going to take some getting used to.

They walk inside and there's Neil and her Mom, waiting for them right by the door, like guard dogs. They don't even get to taking their shoes off before Neil is screaming, "Where the hell have you been? What the hell did you do?" at Billy. 

Billy shakes his head and averts his eyes and doesn't say anything. It's the second time Max has ever seen him speechless and it freaks her out, seing him defanged like this. 

Neil charges forward and shoves Billy up against the door with a bang and Billy lets him. "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" Neil snarls, hands gripping so tight to Billy's shirt it has to hurt. 

Billy slowly raises his eyes to meet Neil's and for this obedience, Neil slaps him. "What the hell did you do? Do you have any idea how worried we were? We've been out all night looking for the both of you! We almost called the police to report Max as missing!" 

Max hears her Mom sob loudly; she imagines there are probably tears flowing down her face unchecked but she can't take her eyes off Neil and Billy. 

"I'm sorry, Sir," Billy says quietly. He has to fight to keep his eyes on Neil and Neil slams him against the door again. Billy's head hits the glass panel in the middle of the door almost hard enough to break it, the sound is near deafening and for the first time, Max looks over at her mother and wonders why she isn't doing anything to stop this, but Susan is just standing there, wringing her hands and bawling like a child.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Neil roars. "I've tried so hard to make you into a man worth knowing but then you go and you pull a stunt like this and you make it clearer to me than ever that you're never going to be deserving of my respect, of anyone's respect. You're just a waste of time and you'll only ever be a waste of time!" He drops one hand from Billy's shirt, drawing it back almost in slow motion and Max knows Billy sees it coming but he doesn't even flinch, he doesn't even flinch and that, that is what finally has Max shouting, "It was for me!" 

Neil's fist re-directs last second, going from aiming for Billy's face to his collarbone, landing with a crack sounding so solid it leaves Max imagining deep, dark purple bruises and has her flinching and fighting not to throw up. And Billy? Billy just takes the hit, his only reaction to the pain being that he swallows roughly and dips his head for half a second. 

That's it, half a second and he's back to looking straight at Neil.

"It was for me!" Max shouts again. "He's covering for me! Me and Jane took the bus to her new house and didn't have enough money to get tickets back. Billy came and got us."

The lie flows more smoothly off her tongue than anything else ever has but Neil doesn't quite look like he believes it, looks pissed he's lost an excuse to punch his own son some more. Max's Mom hiccup-sobs and for the first time instead of making Max want to comfort her, it twists something in her gut, makes her angry. 

Neil's face twists and he looks from Billy to Max and back to Billy. "Is this true?" he asks Billy, a fist still gripping tightly to Billy's shirt, still pressing him up against the door.

Without so much as looking at Max or even blinking, Billy says, "It is." 

Neil drops his hand from Billy and turns to Max and as he does it's like a light switch is flipped, the expression on his face going from one of pure rage to one of soft understanding so, so fast it makes Max's skin crawl. 

"Max," Neil sighs gently. "If you wanted to go, you should have just asked us. We would have taken you." 

Max shrugs and does her best to look repentant like a normal kid getting a normal lecture from her normal parents and not like she's just had her whole worldview violently shattered. "I didn't know if you'd let me and I wanted to see it before she left," she says. 

"And it's better to ask forgiveness than permission, right?" Neil says, smiling. There are even tears shining softly in his eyes, like he's a normal parent and this is a normal lecture and it makes Max want to scream. It makes her want to find Steve's old nail bat and threaten Neil with it. 

Instead she nods and says, "Yeah. I'm sorry," all the while knowing that this is going to be added to the rotation of her nightmares and that she's going to be spending a lot of time picturing hitting Neil with that nail bat and anything else she can imagine from here on out.

"Well, next time ask, okay?" Neil says softly, so softly and Max can't believe she ever bought into any of his crap. Like she knew he and Billy didn't have a good relationship, she wasn't dumb, she'd noticed, but this is the first time it's been like this, this is the first time Neil's hit Billy in front of her, this is the first time he's done that and then done this, turned and looked at her like he loves her, like he's a concerned parent, like he's a normal person right after saying such mean and awful things to his own kid. 

Because Billy, she realizes, is like her, is still just a kid, no matter how much older he looks or what kind of car he drives. He's still just a kid. Tears spring to her eyes at the thought and Neil rushes forward to hug her, clearly thinking she's crying for entirely different reasons and it makes her feel like she's never going to be clean ever again, no matter how many showers or baths she takes.

"We were so worried about you," Neil says as he strokes her hair. Max looks up at Billy and sees the rage building up inside of him, she can see it in his eyes and in the stiff way he's holding himself.

"You terrified us half to death!" Susan wails, rushing forward to get in on the hug. After a moment she holds her arm out to Billy to include him but it's clearly an afterthought. 

Billy doesn't move a muscle, just stays right where he is, feet planted like he's bracing for another hit. But no other hits come. Instead, Neil just ruffles Max's hair, ends the hug and drags her Mom off to their bedroom. 

Max waits until she hears their door click closed and their tv turn on before she looks over at Billy. He looks like he's halfway between rage and tears and one hundred percent looks like he's going to shatter, either way. 

There are so many questions she wants to ask, so much she wants to say, so much she wants to do, starting with stealing his car keys, shoving him into the car and driving him to the hospital to get his collarbone looked at but…

She can't. She knows she can't. She knows that just because she has a better understanding of the way things are now doesn't mean he does. Just because he hasn't forced her away after what just happened, that doesn't actually mean anything.

It might actually be a bad thing, honestly, with the way he's staring blankly ahead like he is. So she does the one thing she's actually brave enough to do and grabs him by the hand and drags him outside. 

He lets her and it makes something inside her twitch; Billy is not supposed to be this quiet, not ever. He's all rage, all fire, all…

Isn't he?

She can feel tears starting to well up again and if Billy notices, he doesn't say anything. She puts it off like she's just cold, even shivers and rubs at her nose like it's running - because it is - and even stomps her feet a couple of times to add to the act. 

They stand there in the not-quite silence for a few minutes, the laugh track from whatever show Neil and Susan are watching echoing through the walls and making Max actually shiver. Because how can they…

How can they just…

Settle in and watch a sitcom like nothing happened? How can they…

The tears start encroaching again and this time, finally, Billy notices.

"Don't," he says, voice all sharp and weirdly brittle. "Don't be crying over me. It's weird."

She sniffles and decides fuck it, if she's gonna cry, she's gonna cry and yeah, it's over him and his stupid fucking boyfriend and this stupid fucking day and their shitty fucking parents and her shattered fucking worldview. 

"Fuck," she curses. She wipes at her nose openly. "I…" She doesn't know what to say. 

"That about covers it," Billy says. He pulls out another cigarette and this time the flame from the lighter as he flicks it on illuminates his face rather than casting it in shadow; it's oddly fitting for the day they've had and it makes her skin itch with the need to ask, to know more, to see if maybe she can get more illuminated than just his face, makes her want to see all of him lit up like that. 

She wants to ask about Neil so badly and someday she will but for now the scariest thing she can think of is for Billy to get that blank stare on his face again and for him to stop talking, so she goes with something else. Something she hopes is easier. Something good.

 "It's not just-" She swallows. 

"You really miss Steve, don't you?" 

Billy looks over at her, face unreadable in a way that has nothing to do with the dim lighting on the porch and for a moment Max thinks he might just up and walk away without answering. 

"Don't tell anyone," he says, finally, words coming out as sharp as knives, like he thinks she's trying to attack him. Which, considering everything both tonight and in general, makes sense.

"I won't," she says, solemn but loud. 

It takes a long moment, long enough for Max to start holding her breath before he says, "Okay."

"Do you…" Max whispers, watching as he blows out a long plume of smoke. "Do you love him?"

He turns to her and again he looks so heartbroken and human and sad it breaks her heart. This time it breaks her heart. "I drove all the way to Nashville and gave a crazy man all of my money on the word of a fourteen year old girl that it would bring him back. What do you think?"

She nods and shoves her hands in her pockets. "I think I hope this works." 

He nods and they stay out on the porch together until they're both shaking with the cold and have no choice but to head back inside. 

#stranger things #as certain dark things are to be loved #gideonwrites #billy hargrove #max mayfield #harringrove #steve harrington #tw: abuse

[stylesgalaxy]

mastermind; chapter 4

"So basically he says that if I keep my marks up he'll buy me a car," Julia summarizes her dinner with her father, the next morning.

"Does he... not know you have a 4.0 GPA?" I ask, bringing a mug of coffee to my lips.

"No, I haven't talked to him in a long time, and I don't think I've ever told him my marks," she explains, placing banana slices on the peanut buttered toast. "And I told him I had a 3.6 right now so that next time I can say I have a 4.0. He'll be prouder and thus my gift will be bigger."

I shake my head. A sudden thought appears in my mind.

"Did you tell Harry you were seeing your father last night?" I ask.

"No," she frowns. "I told you."

I roll my eyes at her. "You're supposed to tell Harry too, Julia."

"Why? We didn't have anything planned."

"Yeah, but your mending your relationship with your father. That's something you're meant to tell your boyfriend about."

She's pondering over this when the door to our apartment unlocks and I know it has to be Harry, because no one else has a key.

"'Ello, love!" he greets Julia, who stands to wrap her arms around him. He kisses her cheek, then pulls a chair to sit at the table with us in the small kitchen. "Alright, Aria?" he nods at me. He doesn't look at me like he's worried I'll burst into tears and weep over my failures, instead he looks at me like a friend wanting to make sure I'm okay.

I nod, and he doesn't ask anything else. I know immediately he's not going to talk about last night in front of Julia which makes me happy because I'd rather no one knows about my breakdown. Not even Julia.

"You didn't tell me you were seeing your father last night," he tells Julia, picking up a banana from the fruit bowl.

"It was kind of last minute. I checked my emails and it turned out he sent me one a week ago, so I responded right away and next thing I know, Liam is at the door," she says.

"Your own father doesn't have your phone number," Harry says slowly.

"I forgot to give it to him since I changed it! Don't make me feel worse, I already feel bad."

"You should. He doesn't even have your number and you want a car from him," I snicker at Julia and get ready to leave. "Anyway, I have to leave for work now."

"Are you gonna go to the art shop after?" Julia asks, wiggling her eyebrows behind Harry. I roll my eyes, knowing she wants me to see Zayn again.

"Too far, not today."

"Where is it?" Harry asks suddenly.

"On Lancaster and Mill Road," I answer.

"That's on the other side of town!" he states. I nod. "It takes ages to get there."

"Which is why I'm not going today," I conclude, putting my shoes on.

"Let me know next time you go, I'll drive you," he offers. I'm taken aback for a moment at his generosity.

"It's alright, you don't have to do that—"

"No, Aria it's probably a good idea. It's not very safe on that side of town," Julia adds. Harry nods in agreement.

"O-okay, thanks."

---

Harry, Niall and Louis have a small house just a few minutes off campus. It's a short walk there after my class on Monday. I knock at the front door with a plate of fresh cookies I whipped up at home before coming here. Harry actually loved my brownies more but he didn't know they were mine, he was under they impression that they were Julia's brownies.

Louis swings the door open and greets me with a hug.

"Aria! I haven't seen you in so long, where've you been?" he exclaims.

"School and work," I mutter, stepping inside. They have a small, quaint house. It's surprisingly tidy most of the time for a boys' house. I was told years ago that Harry and Niall are very clean neat freaks while Louis makes a mess worth three people's doing. But every year he makes less and less of a mess; living with Harry and Niall is changing him for the better. It's quiet inside, aside from the noises coming from the TV. Immediately, I know Niall isn't home because when he is he doesn't shut up, and he's loud enough for the whole block to hear.

"Oh, yeah, how's the movie theatre job working out for you?"

"Boring as shit. I hate it," I admit.

"I told you, you would hate it, didn't I?" he says smugly. "Are these cookies for me?"

He grabs the plate without waiting for me to answer and pulls the plastic wrap back to eat one.

"Sure... um, is Harry home?" I ask casually.

"Harry?" Louis raises an eyebrow. "No, he's doing a group project. Why?"

Shit. I knew I should have set a date and time with him before coming over to his house. But that's what the cookies were for, I hoped I could bribe him to take me to the art shop today.

"Oh, nothing, he offered to drive me to this art shop, but I can just go myself."

"Where is it?" Louis asked through a mouth full of cookie.

"Lancaster and Mill Road."

"Shit, Aria that's far. Come, I'll drive you, I'm not busy."

No matter how much I assured him that I was okay going on my own, he wouldn't listen. I told him I went alone many times but then he got mad that I would go to such a sketchy area by myself.

Louis' car was not as neat and clean as Harry's but that was Louis for you. We chatter the whole way to the shop. He tells me about how his organic chemistry class was a "pain in the ass" and the lovely brunette that he always sat behind wasn't helping him focus. I told him to stop sitting behind her but he said he liked her perfume too much.

Louis parks at the side of the road where I tell him and we hop out of the car. Once inside the shop, Zayn looks at Louis curiously. The few times that I came here, I came alone.

"Zayn, meet my friend Louis," I introduce. "Louis, this is Zayn, he's in my program."

Louis smiles at Zayn who raises his arm to wave. The action instantly causes Louis' eyes to zero in on Zayn's tattoos and I inwardly groan. Louis had been talking about nothing but getting a tattoo for about a year now. He never goes to get it, he just loves to make us go crazy with his constant ramblings.

"Sick tattoos, mate," Louis says in wonder. "D'you mind if I have a look at 'em?"

Zayn shakes his head and pulls his sleeves up to show them to Louis. Quite curious, I lean forward to get a glimpse, too. Zayn is quiet about most of them, but the ones he deems "stupid" he tells us the story behind.

"I really like the crossed fingers and the zap one," I chime in. My comment brings on the discussion of comic books and the two boys start talking about superheroes and their favourite comics. Rolling my eyes at them, I start my shopping.

The modelling clay I need for my sculpture is easy to find. The Tombow brush pens are still not on sale, maybe I can bribe Zayn to use his discount on me. I grab a few more Windsor & Newton bottles, since I almost have all the colours and a complete set would be nice. I want to draw more since I've been doing nothing but calligraphy for weeks now. I ponder over a pack of pencils, and decide against getting it. If I look deep enough through my things, I'll find the ones I already have. But I do grab charcoal pencils. I need a new sketchbook but I also don't have enough to buy one yet. I guess I can get it with my next paycheck. I look down at the inks I've chosen and make the hard decision to put them back. I have to remind myself I don't have a father like Julia's to have the luxury of buying everything I always want.

Making my way over to the cash where Zayn and Louis are now talking about video games, I set my items on the counter. Zayn rings me up and I pay for my items.

"Mate, we should hang out sometime," Louis says suddenly. "You can come over to mine and we'll play video games or something."

"Alright," Zayn beams. I try not to think about how I've been visiting the art shop for a few weeks now, hoping to at least get Zayn's number, but I bring Louis one time and he's already gotten a date.

My receipt was in his hand, but Zayn sets that aside and rips out a new one to write his number and slide it to Louis.

"Awesome, see you soon, I guess," Louis says. I give Zayn a curt wave and walk out, following Louis.

"So... you two got along well," I say slowly, once we start driving back.

"Yeah, he's really cool. Told him I wanted a tattoo and he said he'll draw me a few designs," he says excitedly.

I frown, "I could draw you a tattoo."

"I know," Louis says quickly. "But he's so cool, I want him to do it."

I roll my eyes, not really taking any offence to his words. Zayn is cool.

"He does want to be a tattoo artist," I share, glad that I still know Zayn a bit more than Louis does.

"Yeah, he told me." Ugh. "It's amazing. I also really hope he shows me his studio one day, I'd love to see his spray painting."

He spray paints?

I huff, angry that I didn't know that or that he had a studio, but Louis did.

"Well, I hope I wasn't a cockblock," I scowl. Louis laughs.

"Sorry, love? Are you jealous because you wanted his number?"

"Shut up or I'm gonna go date that pretty brunette from your organic chemistry class."

---

"Why don't you work at the art shop?" Louis asks me when pulls up in front of my building. I don't respond because I've never really thought about it. "It'd be way more fun than the stupid theatre. And you'll have Zayn."

I can't argue with him because he is right.

"I don't know..." I hesitate, "it does sound good, and I could get a discount on the items." Now that's something I wouldn't mind. "It's really far, though."

"I could drive you," Louis says. I don't know what it is about people and being generous enough to offer driving me places, but I have a feeling that with Louis it has more to do with seeing Zayn again rather then my safety. Nonetheless, a fond smile grows on my face.

"If I do work there, you can drive me on weekends. I don't want you wasting your time going all the way there and back when you should be studying."

"Ahahaha... studying, yeah..." Louis chuckles. I get out of his car and thank him for driving me. "No problem, love, say hi to Julia for me!"

I watch him drive away before making my way inside. The main reason I wanted to go to the art shop was so I could talk to Zayn about my sculpture and see if he has any ideas, but with Louis there, I wasn't able to. I didn't want to interrupt their conversation to talk about an art piece I'm making, that's something I'd rather talk to Zayn alone about.

Maybe next time.

---

On Mondays Harry was usually at ours with Julia when I got home. They persuaded me to come out and watch whatever show they were watching at the time, and I only agreed if I could do my work at the same time, On Tuesdays, I would take pictures for my photography class. Harry watched intently when I did a photo shoot with Julia, but the weeks after when I was to take pictures of random household items, he liked to get in my way and be annoying. Wednesday mornings, Harry and I both had early morning classes that resulted in us often seeing each other at Starbucks. When he wasn't being annoying, I'd let him cut in line in front of me. On Thursdays, we found out we both finished at four when I bumped into him on way out of the building I was in. Julia still had class until six, so we sat at our Starbucks (which was conveniently in front of the building Julia was in) and did some homework while we waited for her. On Fridays, Harry and Julia had a lecture in the morning, then a four hour break, then a class in the evening. Harry usually went home after their last class so I wouldn't see him until the next day.

For some reason after I agreed to be friends with Harry, the universe seemed to always throw us together. It was like now that we were friends, I was suddenly realizing how close our classes were around campus. This struck me as weird because I always knew when Harry was in the room before because I was so intent on avoiding him. I wonder if Harry had seen me around all this time, but was avoiding me because he thought I wouldn't want to see him. This realization made me feel like a bitch.

It's now two weeks before the end of the semester and the start of exam week. Julia's dad wanted to meet with her again and make sure she's doing well and isn't stressed out.

"I'm going to dinner with my father again today," Julia's announces on Thursday. "So you and Harry don't have to wait up for me at Starbucks, Liam is going to pick me up after my class ends."

Liam was Mr. Tate's personal assistant. I finally had the pleasure of putting a face to the name when he came up in my Instagram recommendations because he was mutual friends with Julia. And he was really hot.

"Okay," I answer. "Do you want to ask your dad for one of those fancy Nespresso coffee machines? We still need a machine and I'm running out of coffee money."

"Oh yes, I will. It would be so nice to be able to make coffee at home again."

I still bump into Harry when I leave my class at four.

"Oh, hey," he says when he sees me. "Starbucks?" he asks, not even waiting as he starts walking that way.

"Well, actually, we don't really have to," I answer. "Julia is having dinner with her father after class ends."

"Oh," he frowns shoving his hands in his jacket pockets. He's probably wondering why Julia didn't tell him, but he doesn't know this is why Julia is bad at relationships. He walks back towards me and a waft of his cologne hits my nose. Tom Ford's Tobacco Vanille, if I'm not mistaken.

"Nice cologne," I comment and instantly regret it. Why am I talking about his cologne?!

"Thanks, I love it. Julia got it for me," he says proudly. My heart beats a little faster.

"Oh, did she?" I wonder, even though I know the answer. I don't know even know why I brought it up. Harry gives me a nod.

"So what should we do?" he questions, a beautiful smile still on his beautiful face.

My heart flutters at the "we".

"Um, well if you don't mind... I wanted to go to the art stop again."

The last time I went was with Louis, and I desperately needed a new sketchbook. I was tired of pulling paper from the printer when I needed to sketch something. And I had enough money now to buy it and still be able to feed myself.

"Sure, lets go!" he says enthusiastically and we begin walking side by side to his house so we can get his car. It's not that far of a walk, only about ten minutes, but I wonder why he doesn't bring his car when he goes to classes since it would be even quicker.

"Why don't you drive your car to the campus?" I ask.

He laughs. "I'm not trying to kill the planet."

I pull my scarf up closer to my face.

"No? Then why do you waste so many coffee cups from Starbucks?" I tease.

"Oh shit, I do use a lot of coffee cups... Hey! So do you!" he says suddenly, pointing an accusatory finger at me.

"Actually, I'll have you know, I told Julia to ask her father for an espresso machine so I can make my own coffee."

"Wow, that is a huge contribution to the saving the planet."

"Thank you!" I chirp.

"Does this mean I won't be seeing you at our Starbucks on Wednesday mornings anymore?"

I gaze at him curiously.

"No you'll still see me, I can't be bothered to make my own coffee that early in the morning. Last time I rushed to make coffee, I broke our machine."

"Then what about the planet? Who's going to save it?" he waves his arms wildly. I roll my eyes at him affectionately.

"Trust me, if I fail to make coffee, I'm a bigger hazard to the planet that early in the morning. And besides, heroes need to take a break from the saving the world too."

He stops abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk to look at a tree. I'm a little startled because this isn't something I anticipated and I'm growing concerned every second he stays staring at the tree.

"Harry, are you okay?"

"Look at that branch," he points to a random branch on the tree. Then he reaches up and carefully breaks the one with several smaller branches sticking out of it. He presents to me with a smile and I look at him in confusion, and definitely worried now.

"Wow..." I say slowly and take it from him, "thanks..."

It's his turn to affectionately roll his eyes.

"Look at it."

I look down and try to see what Harry is seeing. When I hold it up a certain way, it almost reminds me of an—

"Antler. Doesn't it look like a deer's antler?"

"It does..." I agree, shocked that I didn't notice it earlier.

I eagerly look up at the tree for another one but none of them look similar to this one, or have enough smaller branches on them to resemble antlers. We move to the next tree and begin searching for the second branch to complete my pair. Harry moved to a third tree when I finally spot one.

"I found one! Look!" I point at the branch that's a little too far up. Harry comes around and tries to reach up to break it but its too high up even for his height. "The tree looks sturdy, I can climb it," I suggest.

"You'll fall!" Harry argues.

"No I won't," I respond, already setting my first antler down along with my bag. The tree has a wide split in the middle but no matter what I do, I can't lift myself up to it.

"Let me try," Harry offers, but we both know he'll be too heavy and might split one of the branches.

"I got this," I assure him. I hate to say it but I need a boost to place my leg in the crack, but I'm too shy to ask Harry. As if he read my mind, he places his warm hands on my hips and pushes me up. Instantly I'm able to shove my foot in the crack and hoist myself up. "Told you I could do it," I tease, to eradicate any awkwardness. Harry chuckles.

I curse my short arms for being centimetres too short that I can't reach the branch I need. I look down the next closest big branch to me.

"Don't even think about it, you'll surely fall—" Harry begins but I'm already stepping on it and pulling myself up. I feel less steady on this one but now I just need to bend down a little bit and—aha!

I wave the branch victoriously at Harry.

"Okay, get down now," he says quickly. Tossing the branch to the ground, I step back in between the split and prepare to jump down. Harry holds his arms out to me, I shoo him away but he ignores it and keeps them close just to be safe as I jump.

Harry picks up both antlers and hands them to me. "These can represent how environmentally friendly you are," he grins.

---

Harry doesn't like it at the art shop.

Well it's not the art shop he doesn't like, its area we're in. Four times he asked me if I seriously came down here on my own, six times he told me to never come back here without him, especially not at night, and about eleven times he peaked out the window to ensure his Range Rover is still out there.

"Harry," I sigh in frustration at the twelfth time he checks his car, "no one is going to steal your car! Louis' car was just fine and we were in here for longer than forty minutes."

"You came with Louis?" he asks. "Good, don't come here unless Louis or I are with you." I roll my eyes at him. "And Louis' car is a dump, you probably can't even sell it for parts."

"Don't say that," I swat his arm with a sketchbook. "That's mean."

"Sorry," he grins widely. "I don't actually mean that."

I'm glad Zayn isn't in today because he would not have liked Harry at all judging by how he's acting. He would be making snarky comments left and right and a judgemental Zayn would make Harry defensive. I'm not sure what Harry is like when he's defensive but if his attitude is anything like other rich kids, then it would be catastrophic to have him and Zayn in a room. Instead Gloria was at the counter today. I met her once before and she is really sweet. But she talks too much.

"Can I help you choose a sketchbook? You know this one here is—" she says, but I interrupt her.

"Thanks Gloria, but for the third time: I'm okay. If I have a question, I'll ask you," I respond. She nods and sullenly walks back to the counter.

Harry feels bad and starts asking her pointless questions. Eventually, (which was just six minutes later) even he gets sick of her and comes back to me. I was flipping through the sketchbooks. They have a wide variety, ranging from cheap ones with the thin covers, to fancy leather-bound ones. I was looking at the cheaper ones (obviously), choosing between one that had more sheets and another one that had a sturdier cover. I tend to be very rough with my sketchbooks, just because I always like to have it on me, so I was leaning towards the one with the better cover when Harry picked one out.

"Aria, look! This one is perfect for you," he picks one with a leather cover off the shelf. It has an overdone—but still beautiful—stag design on it. I saw that one and liked it, but it was too expensive.

"I saw that one, it's really pretty," I comment, trying to not let my eyes linger on it. I looked back at the two in my hands.

"Why don't you get it?"

"I think I'm gonna go with this one," I say holding up the one in my left hand, and ignoring his question, "it has a stronger cover."

"This one has a leather cover."

"It's probably too heavy," I murmur.

"It's not."

I try not to sigh in frustration.

"It's too expensive," I say sheepishly. Harry frowns and flips the book to look at the price, as if it just occurred to him to check it. I see him blinking at it in a way thats obvious that to him $64 is not a lot of money. Saving us from anymore awkwardness, I spin around and proceed to the cash to purchase my reasonably priced sketchbook.

I take my wallet out when Harry speaks from beside me, "Let me buy this for you."

"What?" I sputter, "No way."

"Please," he pleads. I shake my head not even looking at him and reach to hand my card over to Gloria. Harry stops my hand. "Aria, this one is obviously the nicer one and I know you want it. Just let me buy it for you."

"I'm not a charity case for you to feel bad and buy things for!" I retaliate.

"You know that is not what I think of you," Harry says back just as fiercely. "I just want to get you a gift."

"I never got you any gifts," I lie with a parched throat.

"You can for my birthday. Hey, this could be my birthday present for you!" he exclaims.

"My birthday is in May," I inform him.

"A late birthday present," he shrugs, placing the book in front of Gloria. "We won't take the other one."

I want to fight him more, I want to argue with him and tell him he shouldn't spend his money on me. But for some reason I am unable to. I keep quiet and accept the generous gift he hands me with a charming smile. It's bright enough to coax a small smile of my own. I'm going to get him something really special for Christmas, I decide.

"Thank you," I say to Harry sincerely, when he starts driving (after he triple checked every corner of his car for any goons).

"It's no problem," he answers, rewarding me with another one of his gorgeous smiles.

***

previous chapter     next chapter

#harry styles fic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles #mastermind

[agustdef]

Here & Now - Chapter 9

Pairing: Yoongi x OC

Genre: Fluff; Chill romance

Word Count: 2,436

Warning: None.

Banner Marker: @dee-ehn​

I’d washed my hair a day earlier than I planned to and I had so many regrets. I was rocking a wash n’ go and the hair in front of my face hadn’t been trimmed enough when I got it done; not having cut it in its natural state was a mistake. So when my curls blocked my eye one too many times I ended up groaning and forcing all of it into a ponytail holder.

“I swear I’m just going to shave it all off,” I muttered to myself.

A scoff drew my attention to Namjoon, who was sitting beside Yoongi at his computer. “You’ve been threatening that for two years. Not happening.”

Glaring at him I faked like I was going to throw a pillow at him, which caused him to dodge and hit his leg on the table - hard.

I laughed so hard that it became hard to breathe, his groan of pain and curses making it worse.

“That’s what you get for not letting me lie to myself in peace,” I choked out between wheezing.

When I finally reined myself in Joon was still rubbing his thigh and muttering under his breath. Yoongi seemed to be back with us and not absorbed in his work with headphones on. He was shaking his head and looking between us.

Over the hours we’d been in his studio he’d been forced to endure my antics and then when Joon appeared it gotten worse. We tended to bicker like siblings and though we knew when to stop, we also knew how far we could go and get away with it.

He’d only threatened to kick us both out once. Joon had received the warning about three times and had been forcibly removed once.

Even though Joon hitting his thigh again almost sent me into another fit I refrained, Yoongi’s screen drawing my attention.

“So, can we hear it now?” I asked.

“You can’t,” Namjoon muttered.

That time I actually threw the pillow at him, but he caught it. It left both of us surprised and him, looking a little more smug than he had been before.

Rolling my eyes I turned my attention back to Yoongi. He shook his head and pointed to Joon. “What he said.”

“Why is this the only song that I’m not allowed to hear? I’ve heard and worked on all the others.”

Both of the jerks looked at each other, having some silent conversation before turning back to me.

“Because it wasn’t going to be there before and it’s almost perfect how it is. Plus I want it to be a surprise. I don’t know why you keep asking me when I’ll say no.”

I yawned halfway through his little speech.

“See, you don’t even have the energy to argue with me. Just let it go,” he said, wearing a smirk I’d started to hate.

I wanted to wipe the smugness of both of their faces, but then I released another yawn. Tired was setting in and when I glanced at the clock on the wall I knew why. It was almost 1:30 am. We’d been in the studio since 5 pm.

Getting up sounded horrible, but I knew I had things to do tomorrow. I’d be running around a lot for work and for things with friends I had in South Korea. Some sleep was a must.

Joon followed my eyes to the clock and cursed, getting up.

“We have schedules tomorrow and recording to do. We need to sleep,” he said.

Yoongi looked like he was going to argue, but his mouth closed as quickly as he opened. Turning back to the screen he continued to fiddle with whatever he was doing, which just made Joon roll his eyes.

Another yawn pushed through and I knew that I’d have to leave or I’d end up asleep on his studio. Carefully I rose up, giving my legs the time to adjust after being under me for so long. My stretching produced many cracking sounds, which made Joon cringe and brought Yoongi’s attention back to us.

As I gathered my things he looked at me with a raised brow.

“I have too much to do tomorrow to pull an all-nighter. So I’m going to go,” I said.

For a moment he continues to stare, but then suddenly turns back to his computer. Joon was already halfway out the door, waving to me as he took his leave.

With my bookbag on I turn towards Yoongi, who is staring me down.

“Are you staying here?” I asked.

His lips purse for a moment and then he yet again turns to his computer without a word. Instead of working though I watch him save his work - to several things - and then shut everything down.

A few minutes later we both have all of our stuff and are heading to the entrance. Whipping out my phone I go to request a taxi, but before I can get far he takes the phone from my hand and exits the app.

Brow raised I let him lead me out front to the one van left for the evening. Then before I could ask anything he was helping me inside and getting in behind me.

When a minute had passed with just staring at him he stared back and gestured towards the driver. Snapping out of my trance I relayed the address of my apartment and buckled in just as we started moving.

“A taxi would have sufficed.”

“You’re going the same way as me, it wasn’t a problem,” he responded nonchalantly.

There was no reason to argue with him, plus it saved me having to wait and endure and an awkward taxi ride. I wasn’t in the mood to possibly deal with someone who was talkative.

The entire twenty-minute ride we stayed in silence, both messing with our phones. As we got closer I went to put my phone down and noticed Yoongi angle his away from me. Turning my head I narrowed my eyes on him, but he didn’t glance my way and tilted the screen so I couldn’t see it.

“Did you just take a picture of me?”

“No.”

Rolling my eyes I drop it and unbuckle, we’d pulled upfront. I slide my bag back on and hop out of the car. Waving to him as I go.

“Bye dork.”

Once inside I stripped down and jumped into the shower. I didn’t feel like wasting time, just wanted to get into my bed. Once dried and dressed with a bonnet atop my freshly twisted hair I threw myself on the bed.

My eyes fluttered closed and I felt like I was going under, but thirty minutes later they were upon and I was very awake. The tiredness from earlier was gone, but also still lingered; teasing me about the sleep I wasn’t getting.

Again I tried to sleep, but another half an hour and I gave up. Grabbing my phone from where it sat on my dresser I unlocked it and went to Twitter. My “business” one was lacking, even though most people I knew were very awake and posting. Switching to my stan account I was bombarded with a flurry of comeback announcements and photos of groups I stanned or at least liked.

I scrolled through the feed, liking things, retweeting a few and removing all the posts arguing against someone trying to start another dumb fan war. They were always stupid, because they were between the fans and trying to bring down artists or pit them against their own friends and/or fellow artists who had no ill will towards each other.

The night was riddled with claims of copying and I was having none of it.

Not wanting to feed into it I stumbled upon a comeback announcement for 1Team that I’d been waiting for and quote tweeted it with an all caps caption about my excitement.

Two minutes after the post my phone dinged and a text from Yoongi came through.

Thought you had too much to do?

For a moment I was confused, but then I remembered that he had a secret Twitter account. I’d only found out about it when he’d brought something up in conversation that I’d only posted on my stan Twitter account.

Why are you lurking on my account?

A few seconds passed and then in came a response. I’m not. I just got the notification.

Oh… you have my notifs on? I sent, actually shocked.

Minutes pass and nothing, so I assume he’s fallen asleep or refusing to deal with me. The second I went to sit my phone down a call came through, a glance at the screen told me it was Yoongi and that it was a video call.

Answering it I roll onto my stomach and use the ring on the back to prop it up on my phone. It being overtly firm working to keep it stable.

“Yes, I have them on.” They’re the first words he says before he comes into view. His hair slightly wet, probably from a shower and his face bare.

“Aw, that’s so cute. Trying to make sure you’re the only one I’m gushing about online?” I teased.

He rolled his eyes, using his free hand to push his hair out of his face. There was some shuffling and then he was lying back on a pillow, free arm behind his head.

“Why are you up?” he asked.

A yawn escaped the moment I tried to talk, which made him look at me weird.

“Contrary to the sound I just made, I can’t sleep. I’ve been laying here for over an hour trying.” Sighing, I ran a hand over my face in frustration. “Why are you up?”

“Had an idea before I got to bed,” he admitted.

Without a thought, I felt my face shift and a look of disapproval form. Before I could say anything though he cut me off.

“I know. I should have gone straight to sleep. I couldn’t risk forgetting though. You know that feeling?”

He made a valid point, and since I knew all too well that I spent three hours writing two nights ago I let him have that one.

Another sigh and I laid on my back, staring at the ceiling and hoping to sleep. Sleep felt so close, but every time I felt I’d finally slip away it left me. I wanted to scream.

“Why Sailor V?” Yoongi asked.

“Hm?” I asked, feeling momentarily dazed. Shaking my head I collected myself and recalled the question. “Oh. Sailor Moon was the first anime I saw as a kid and my favorite TV show. And most think the V is because Sailor Venus is my favorite, which is completely false. Mercury owns my heart.”

“So what is the V for?”

“My mother almost named me Vanessa.”

Yoongi laughed and I turned my head so I could see him.

“Vanessa,” he said carefully as if testing it out. “What changed?”

Pursing my lips I abruptly shifted positions again, turning on my side and propping my head up with my hand. “Hmm… she held me and as my grandpa was about to tell the nurse my predetermined name she called me Kendall instead. Said it felt right.”

Yoongi’s face didn’t change much, but I could see the usual look of curiosity that peaked in people. I knew what question he was going to ask next.

“You’re other parent just accepted that?”

That phrasing made me pause. No one usually asked it like that, they always implied the father role. It was interesting to hear the acknowledgment of possibly having not a father. He was still wrong though.

“I’m the sole daughter of a woman who didn’t want a relationship. She didn’t want to be with anyone, she dated but didn’t truly care for it. But she wanted a kid and could afford to go to a clinic to make it happen. It’s the kind of life that made her happy.”

Again Yoongi’s face didn’t change much, he just nodded his head and pursed his lips. After a second or two he spoke up again.

“What’s that like? I assume you still had a normal childhood,” he said.

“Yup. Pretty much. Mom, my three uncles and then her two best friends who were also basically family. They all alternated the father-daughter events or my mom would come. It felt normal. Even though others would swear not having an actual dad must have made it such a lacking childhood.” Sarcasm dripped from my every word as I got to the last bit.

“They’re idiots.”

“Agreed.”

We just stared at each other, neither breaking eye contact. And for once I didn’t feel like panicking and looking away quickly as I usually did with prolonged staring; it made me uncomfortable most of the time.

“Favorite color?” he asked.

“Dark gray and cyan.”

“Cyan?”

“It’s a shade of blue.”

“Ah. Food?”

“Steak, something you know already.”

“Movie?”

“Between Sailor Moon SuperS and Fast Five.”

“Anime.”

“Sailor Moon… and Hellsing Ultimate.”

“Cartoon?”

“Scooby-Doo.”

“TV show?”

“Veronica Mars.”

He paused for a second, brow raised. “What is that?”

The offense that overtook my body was strong even though I knew it wasn’t a show that he would have seen growing up.

“Alexa,” I called out, waiting for the little noise to happen. “Add Veronica Mars to the ‘Yoongi needs to watch’ list.”

“Adding Veronica Mars to ‘Yoongi need to watch’ list,” she parroted back.

When I glanced back and Yoongi he looked shocked, but the smirk he wore told me he was amused. “A list?”

“Yes, there are many things that need to be rectified with you movie and television wise.” I shrugged, a smile threatening the corners of my lips.

The longer we just looked at each other, the harder it was not to smile. Eventually, we both gave in and it was nice a calm and comfortable silence.

“Okay. I get to ask the questions now,” I said after a few minutes passed.

Yoongi groaned and rolled his eyes.

“Hey! Don’t be rude, you just bombarded me with questions.”

He took one look at my face and sighed. “Okay, okay. Stop pouting and ask.”

“Good. So, I’d like to discuss seventeen-year-old audition tape Yoongi’s sense of style and hairstyling choices.”

He groaned, throwing his head back and I hold in my laughter.

After he finally justified his life choices we spent way too much time just asking random questions. When we woke up in the morning, I couldn’t recall when exactly we’d fallen asleep.

#min yoongi #yoongi #suga #original character #oc #sugaxoc #yoongixoc #producer!oc #writer!oc #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #yoongi fanfic #suga fanfic #kpop fanfic #kpop fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic

[writers-clique]

Heartless

This is a horror short story I wrote. It’s a bit inspired by the TV show You. If you like a bit of horror, stalker, creepiness or just enjoy reading short stories from time to time, this one’s for you. Happy reading >:)

Heartless

I have been waiting for five years to return it. The fist-sized box sitting neatly in the passenger seat next to me. Its intricate red bow matches the black leather of the container. I listen to the AC’s cacophonous rumble as I look at the endless road in front of me. Normally, I prefer to have silence during long journeys like these. I can ponder about life, the sheer cliché of how meaningless it is and how unimportant each person is, no matter what their mothers, teachers or other equally unimportant individuals have told them before. But alas, the scorching desert sun is too powerful for the little heart inside my box so I turn up the cold air and try to ignore it.

At this point, you may be wondering if you read that last line correctly or you may have missed that specific minor detail entirely, doesn’t matter. Jhona is the only one who has to see it, right there on his kitchen counter, in all its veiny glory. It will be splendid! Watching the color drain from his face the way Mia’s blood gushed onto the tiles. Oh, who’s Mia? She’s just the girl who stole my heart.

*********

Five years ago, a senior going into school for his last day—that’s when I met her. I was walking towards the main doors when they suddenly opened and hit me in the face.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry! Is your nose alright?” she said, covering her mouth and trying to hide a smile.

“Uh, yes. At least I think so.” I felt a bit of blood drip down my nostril onto my lip. It tasted delicious.

“You’re bleeding! I’m really sorry! Let me help you with that.” She snatched the books from my hands and, for a brief second, I felt her skin upon mine. Warm and tanned against my cold and pale arm.

She insisted on walking me to class, even though she didn’t have to. And whilst we walked, we talked. She turned out to be quite brilliant in ways I didn’t think someone at our school could be. She was into old literature, but wasn’t too picky, listened to good music and looked quite good as well. I knew her soul was bound to be interesting. And so, that same night after graduation, I went online and searched for “Mia Darlington”. And a darling she was. The whole of her Instagram and Tumblr was open for anyone to look at. I mean, it was like I had struck a golden mine of disposable information, all just a swipe and a tap away. That’s where I learned about a party that would be happening to celebrate the fact that half of these morons managed to scrape up enough IB points for a diploma of some sort, while the rest of us would actually succeed to some degree in life (pun intended). It would happen in a fortnight at Braden’s parents’ lake house. The whole thing would last for two days. After that she’d be mine.

In the fortnight that followed, Mia and I got closer than ever, which of course she didn’t know. I followed her around from a distance. She had quite the schedule. Guitar lessons, fitness, drawing, meditating. She had it all. Her bedroom window was conveniently positioned towards the road so my view from a bush across the street was perfect. By the time the party happened, I knew her better than she knew herself.

It had been three hours, fifty two minutes, twenty seven seconds and counting since the start of the party and she still had not arrived. I was growing rather impatient and, dare I say, worried. I decided to strike up a conversation with one of those buffoons who knew her, that way when she finally appeared, I’d have a head start for a conversation. I saw one of the guys from her Instagram. He was peculiar, but simple, one of these football goons. And yet, there he was, staring into his punch cup, looking depressed and out of place. Peculiar. I strategically placed myself near the refills and soon enough he approached. He filled the glass up to the rim with Jagermeister. Pathetic.

“Rough night?” I asked, mimicking his movements.

“Ha,” he took a swig of his drink, “you couldn’t have said that better.”

“Oh, really? Why so?”

“What do you care man? Who are you?” he drunkenly yelled and stumbled forward.

This would be harder than previously imagined. “Look, I’m sympathising with you. This party sucks.”

“It wouldn’t suck if . . . if she was here.” He whispered that last part, but I was closer than his drunk mind let him know.

Just then, his phone rang. The picture was of Mia, one I hadn’t seen before which was once more peculiar. I had gathered pretty much every picture of her, down to the ones she was too small to remember. At this point, he started muttering things to himself, obviously in no state to speak to her. That’s when the dots connected and I decided to use this particular lamentable moment of his to my benefit.

“Hi, who’s this?” I picked up the phone. I decided to play dumb and let her fall for me, believing it was her choice.

“Umm, I could ask you the same thing. Where’s Judah?” She didn’t sound pleased and the fact she didn’t recognize my voice admittedly hurt me.

“He- he’s having a bit of a rough night. It’s Adgar speaking by the way.”

“Adgar? Oh, wait aren’t you that guy I smacked into two weeks ago? I didn’t know you were friends with Judah.”

“Well, you don’t know a lot of things about me.” I thought that was a good line, so I made my voice husky at the end. I imagine that’s what James Bond would do.

She laughed. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right.”

“So umm, how come you’re not at the party?

“How did you know I was going there?” Suspicion slipped into her voice.

Crap, think Adgar, think you idiot.

“Oh, well Judah’s been crying that you haven’t come all night, so I figured you were going to come originally.” I tried to inject a smile into my voice the way some people do. It worked.

“He has? Well, doesn’t matter. I’m almost there so since you’re taking care of him I trust he’ll be OK.” She sounded distant and didn’t even let me reply before she hung up. That annoyed me.

I looked back for Judah, except he wasn’t there. Great, now I had to babysit a drunk blockhead instead of preparing for Mia. The plan was to find him and then tie him up somewhere in the woods where he wouldn’t cause any trouble. Finding him turned out to be easy. All I had to do was go for a leak, and there he was lying on the bathroom floor in his vomit.

Now how would I get him out without causing involuntary attention? The answer came from a shout of “CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!” downstairs. That’s right, his equally stupid drunk friends wouldn’t remember a thing either, and they were loyal to him, like a golden retriever to its owner. All I had to do was spin a little white lie about the “unimaginable awesomeness” of them pulling the “greatest trick” in party history - tying Judah to a tree whilst he’s unconscious. I mean, it was honestly laughable how easily they agreed. Good thing they were drunk.

It took three of them to carry him downstairs and into the forest. I mean, I didn’t even touched him. All of the evidence pointed to them. They were so wasted they didn’t notice me drifting back to the house, leaving them in the darkness.

By the time I came back, Mia was there. She was something to see. In her own world. Dancing along to whatever indie song they had put on, drink in one hand. She looked like she’d floated down straight from heaven. A beautiful gift just for me, all wrapped up in a tight red dress, beach curls slightly bobbing up and down.

Now the hardest part was approaching; I had to approach her. I decided to rip that bandaid straight off and just went for it. Confidence after all, is key.

“Hey, you’re the girl who smacked me in the face.” I tried the James Bond voice again.

“Hey, you’re the guy I smacked in the face.” She smiled.

Good, that’s good. Smiling is always a positive thing.

“Care for a refill?” I reached towards her cup.

“Yeah, sure.”

Like taking candy from a baby. People reading this, I’m going to give you a pro tip. Never. Ever. Give your glass to someone you don’t know at a party, bar or wherever. They may just put something funky in there. Sad thing really, she’ll never get to read this.

I had prepared an excuse just in case anyone was to give me trouble: “Oh she was just so tired, poor thing fell asleep.” But, as predicted, they were all too drunk and too self absorbed to notice. She was a bit heavy I must admit, heavier than I imagined. Of course, though, she fit perfectly into the trunk of my car. I was not staying for the remainder of this party and neither was she. What happened next was a two hour long, silence filled car ride in which every speed bump I hit I worried about her. I mean, I loved her. If she got even a single bruise, I swore not to forgive myself.

Once we had arrived home, I placed her in the basement where she would be staying until I knew that her love for me was eternal. I had already prepared the room: soundproof door, mattress, chains on the wall. I laid her down gently and put on her shackles, then I sat on a chair and waited. Waited for her to wake up and for our souls to connect, our love so powerful.

As you may have guessed already, that did not happen. What ended up happening was an intense conversation and double murder.

“Wh-where am I,” she muttered sitting up.

“You’re home,” I smiled. I wanted to reassure her.

“Home? I’m not home! You-you took me here! Why am I chained up? Somebody help, help!” She started screaming. Shaking. Tugging at the chains. Going rabid.

“Now, now. There’s no need for that. No one can hear you anyway.” The effect of my words didn’t convey what I wanted, as she didn’t calm down and become rational, but started throwing herself on the floor, sobbing and yelling harder than before. I decided to give her some time.

One day later, as predicted, she had calmed down. She was also starving and I used that to my advantage, as I did with many things. I brought her a plate of her favorite food - seafood paella - which I’d learned to make specifically for her. She took the plate and started gorging on the warm food. I found that curiously arousing.

“So you’re ready to talk like humans?” I tried a smile, but her cold stare disapproved.

“You’re no human! You’re an animal.” Rice grains fell out of her mouth as she yelled, and I couldn’t help but point out the irony by raising an eyebrow. Once more my humor was not appreciated.

“Let me go! What do you even want from me, you nutcase!?”

“I’m glad you asked me. See, Mia, darling, I love you, and I know that if you give me a chance, you’ll love me too.” I said that with what I thought was my most convincing and confident smile, and yet her eyes widened and her eyebrows formed an angry looking V on her usually beautiful face, turning it into something quite displeasing.

“I. Will. Never. Ever. Love. You!” She threw the plate at the wall, smashing it. The meal splattered on the ground.

“I don’t think I like your tone.”

“I don’t care what you like! I hate you! I only love Judah!”

“Silence! I will NOT let myself believe these lies you are utterring!”

“They’re not lies! I will never love you. Judah is the only person I’ve ever truly loved.”

There it was. The first murder. She plunged deep with her nails into my chest and stole my heart. Devoured it even! For the next several days, she tried everything to escape and I tried meaninglessly to make her mine, but she would not have it. And on top of that, her phone would not stop buzzing with messages from her family, friends and, irritably, Judah. I was losing hope as all she would talk about was Judah. That’s when I finally realized she had destroyed my heart, absolutely pulverized it. No more of that. An eye for an eye, a heart for a heart.

I think she knew the end was coming the moment I walked into the basement. The dark gloves probably gave my intentions away. I decided I didn’t wish to waste any more of my time. I advanced towards her, wordlessly. Silence was the way I liked to do these things. Just like a car ride, slow and enjoyable. She once again started one of her intense screaming sessions. A wailing, powerless shriek. Left on the front door of Mr. Death. At his mercy.

I smacked her into unconsciousness and dragged her towards the bathroom. No blood would be spilled in my basement. Once in the bathroom I decided on a barbaric sort of death for her, the way she killed my heart. I gently opened the toilet lid and placed her head on the seat. What followed was an intense upper body workout resulting in a broken toilet lid and smashed skull. I sprinkled the little bone fragments into the toilet bowl and flushed. I had decided on selling what was left of her on the dark web.  Everything except her heart. You see I needed it. Heart transplants aren’t cheap and since she was the one who’d stolen mine it was only fair she gave one back.

So now that you’re all caught up, let’s go back to present times. I have recently met a girl, even better than Mia. She’s given me back my heart in ways I could never have imagined. We met a week ago. She dropped her purse and I gave it back to her. Her knight in shining armor. I love her. I no longer need Mia’s heart, but I know someone who does.

Coincidentally, once people knew Mia was not coming back, Judah fell into depression. Or at least that’s the theory. Supposedly, he got back from the party, but he didn’t really get back. He left poor innocent Judah behind. He was going to be a football player at some top university but now he spends his days drinking away whatever life is left inside of him and scaring the kids in our little old town.

So I’m giving him a present. Something he’ll cherish and remember forever.

I hope you appreciate this, Judah. I know how much you loved her with all your dying heart.

Love, Adgar.

#you #writing #horror #horror short story #short story #writing portfolio #portfolio #writersclique #writers clique #thriller #stalker #creepy

[iammarylastar]

5. Boo and Cupcake.

Jack hasn’t unclenched his teeth for miles. Norhis fists which are slowly but surely pulverizing the steering wheel.  He has spent most of the ride staring at the rear-view, desperately trying to catch Shade’s eyes. The three times he succeeded, her green glance was desperate and wet.  He has to fight the urge to slam on the brakes, slam the car’s door, slam his palm on her face, slam his lips on hers.

Anna is sleeping like the baby she still is, curled up against her ma, clinging to the fluffy rabbit John bought her during their last stop for gas.  She’s his baby. He has been a father for 5 fucking years and he has known nothing about it. Fucking Shade. And she’s the one who complains.  OK he was gone for months but she could have left a note, a text, anything. Even months after. So he could have known about Anna. His baby girl. His angel.  Shade opted for a rougher way to announce his fatherhood. Oops I forgot: you’re a dad fucking asshole!

He grits his teeth and digs his nails further in the wheel.

Shade forces her stare out the window, avoiding Jack’s murder glare. His usual blue eyes turned ice black by anger. How could he blame her for Anna? He left without a word, a note, a text, any fucking thing.  After a whole month waiting for him, worrying to death, she started doubting.  She thought he has gone for a mission, that’s the job, but they had their secret code.  She has checked all her official and unofficial e-mails, twice, ten times a day. Nothing.  She ran to the general delivery of their 5 secret spots where they spent romantic getaways. No tracks. She begged, she cried, she yelled at McKay to glean some crumbles. No news.

She thought he was dead. And cried. She found out she was pregnant. And burst into more tears. She found the engagement ring, and she lost her mind.

And now she’s here, main witness in a dangerous drug case, threatened to death with her daughter by some old Mafioso and his squad, forced to run and breathe close to the man she hated the most. Forced to somehow live with him for her own safety. Forced to tell him about his daughter. Their daughter.

With Jack’s stare caressing her face, she feelsher hate vanish, then multiply with each breath.

The atmosphere in the car is so thick and sticky, anyone could feel the electricity in the air.

John gets bored with the heavy silence and opens his mouth to practice his main skill :sticking his foot in his mouth.

“Kids, you are stupid. Talk, kiss, fuck, whatever you need but this is fucking unbearable.” He points to the two of them.

“FUCK YOU JOHN!” is the only answer he had.

* They had driven for two days, the safe house they are sent to is located in the next state. Safety rules keep them from riding the highway 15, which would have saved one day of torture. John thinks to himself these are the longest two days ever. Even being threatening to death by a gun or jump blindly from the top of a building would be more fun and entertaining than this fucking trip.

Last time they had a stop for the night, Jack went to the reception and paid for two rooms. One for the girls, one for the McClanes, not to draw attention on them. But they actually stayed the four of them in the same room, the witness protection program forced Jack to keep an eye on Shade and Anna 24/7. Shade and Anna slept in the bed, John snored onthe sofa. Jack couldn’t sleep a wink at night, obsessed by the news Shade has delivered. He’s Anna’s father.

He kept his mouth shut, despite his need to scream his guts out.  He had sworn to himself since he was 8 that he ’d never be a missing dad. He decided to never become a father after Shade left him, devastated and desperate with love.

John felt sad to see those two sneaking around, too shy and stubborn to tell the other how they felt. They haven’t sleep nor eat a bit for days and were low company. John was the only one able to look after Anna, and as he told to McKay, was very skilled at tickling the little girl and incredibly talented in storytelling. He wisely took Anna out for a walk, there was always a playground near the motel.

Left alone in the room, it was worse. Shade wanted to run away from Jack but was irresistibly attracted to him. His presence and sadness made her want to hug and cuddle him and stay glued to his skin forever.

Jack was hurt, deep and dirty. But he was ready to make a step forward, for Shade and Anna. She was flipping through the TV channel, watching nothing in particular, only interested in looking busy and unapproachable.

Gathering his thoughts and his courage, Jack opened his mouth, ready to open his heart.

“Shade…” he started.

Startling at the soft ton of his voice, she quickly looked around for an exit, and rushed in the bathroom, slamming the door in his face. Leaning on the door, forehead touching, he fisted his hands then relaxed them, fisted them again as the burn in his stomach yelled at him to smash the door down and fall on his knees before her. Before a naked her. He listened to the water running, picturing the ride of each drop of water along her spine to her plump ass, cascading from her hair to her shoulders, slaloming through her collarbone to vanish between the valley of her breasts and further down. He swallowed hard, unable to take it anymore and softly called her name, shyly knocking at the door.

“Shade?”

He tried twice then a third attempt, speaking loudly but never got an answer. Had he dared to open the door, he would have found her, sitting down on the tiles of the shower, her knees curled up under her chin, crying her eyes out, biting her forearm to muffle her cries. Instead, he ran outside breaking the elementary rules of witness protection. God could blame him for that, striking him dead. He doubted he honestly could spend one more minute in the same room, his hardness keeping all his blood down, making thinking clearly impossible.

He ran his fingers through his short hair, tore whatever hair he could grab and screamed his guts out. He had all he ever wanted. Someone he loved beyond reason and a child. But not the way he wanted. The love of his life hated him and his own child knew nothing about him. Such a waste was nonsense.

He howled a last deep low grunt and came back to the room, determined to tell her a few home truths.

He stopped straight in his tracks just a step farther from the door frame. Shade just came out of the shower, hot and wet, wrapped in the thin towel which could be so easy to rip off while he’d bend her on the ground and fuck her senselessly.

She looked up at him, eyes locking his, both red from too much tears. Jack looked miserable, as much as she felt.  She noticed his clenched fists and jaws, it seemed he has forgotten how to breathe.

He walked straight towards her, stopped at her feet, dipped his eyes into hers. She could hear him as he subtly sniffed her scent and swallowed back a grunt of desire, reaching his hand out to land on her hip or the small of her back. Then giving up, fisting again as Jack brushed past her and slammed the bathroom door shut, making the walls rattle.

She felt so much guilt. She fucked up with him. She kept him from being a father; she kept Anna from having one.

After a long and quite helpful cold shower, Jack came out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped low on his hips. Shade was leaning on the bed, her hair still damp from the shower tangled over her face. She had changed into shorts and tank top and was sleeping on her side. Jack sat carefully on the edge of the bed and finally dared brushing his fingertips along her arm to her hand. Gently squeezing it, he watched her slowly breathing.

“Shade…” he just whispered as if her simple name could sum up all the feelings he wanted to tell her.

She opened her eye just enough to see his frame, hidden behind her hair. She was doing her best to keep her breath steady, deep and slow like someone deep asleep. But inside she was a mess. Angst slowly had left place for something softer and warmer. She refused to call it love but it was how it felt like. At one point they would have to forgive each other and decide what to do with their lives.  But not now. She glanced carefully at Jack as he put his clothes on, her hands getting wet, remembering each lines of his muscular body.

Jack stood up and took his wallet. He needed fresh air. He needed a walk. He needed a smoke, even if it’d kill him.

John was playing cards with Anna, waiting for their parents to have a talk in the room next door. He liked the girl, she was smart and funny, and he had shared and spent more time with her in two days than with John Junior in his entire life. The advantage of being a grand pa.

“John, may I ask you something?” Anna shyly said.

“Of course darlin. Whatever you want.” He was surprisingly soft.

“You’re my grand pa, right?”

“Yes I am.” John shows of under the new rank.

“Do you love me? ”

“Oh yes I love you Princess. I’m glad we finally met. ” he confessed, his heart pounding.

“And Jack is my dad, isn’t he?”

“ Absolutely, Jack is your dad. ”

“Why doesn’t my Dad love me?” The little girl so seriously worried.

“Oh, Anna! Of course he loves you. Why do you think so?” Her little face was heartbreaking.

“He barely spoke with me. I thought he’d be happy to know me. But I think he’s mad at me. Did I say or do something wrong?” She was fighting to keep tears at bay.

John sighed and dropped his cards on the bed where they were sitting.

“ Come here!” He patted his hand on his lap.

The little girl jumped from the bed and climbed on John’s knees.

“Listen. There are things you have to discuss with your mom and dad, but I swear Jack is the happiest dad in the world. He’s struggling with his feelings right now. He’s surely mad at your mom, foremost mad at himself. Your mom and dad made some mistakes and hurt themselves, but that was before you were born.”

Anna lifted her big blue eyes up to John’s and asked:

“That’s not my fault if they’re grumpy all the time? It seems both are sad and I know mom can’t stop crying at night. She thinks I’m asleep but I just close my eyes and pretend I’m sleeping.”

“Anna, your parents have to talk about a lot of things. They have to forgive themselves from the mistakes they made. But they’re too stubborn to say how they feel for each other.”

“I really think Jack should kiss mom. It could be nice!” She smiled.

“Yippi-kay-yay baby!” John laughed. “Yippi-yay-kak Pops!” Anna repeated, having her grand pa rolling on the bed, laughing.

@kenzieam @jaihardi @frecklefaceb @oddsnendsfanfics @pathybo @beautifulramblingbrains @bookwarm85 @badassbaker @angelswannawearmyredshooz @jojuarez @beltz2016 @writingismyhappytime @societalfailure

@red-diary

@tigpooh67

#live and die hard #jack mcclane #jai courtney #jack and shade #5 #boo and cupcake

[buyaheartfiction]

02|F Is For Friends...

“I’m outside.”

“I’ll be down in a minute.”

Looking in the mirror I took in my appearance making sure to take note of my face. There were no physical signs of my inner turmoil and I wanted to keep it that way. Throwing my hair over my shoulder I went to let Tristan in. Upon opening the door, I could feel his eyes roam over my figure as he licked his plump lips. I guess my denim shorts were doing something for him.

“Hey.” He reached out pulling me into a hug. The scent of his cologne invaded my nose as I relished in his touch. The moment of contact ceased as I stepped aside allowing him access to my home.

“Do you want anything to drink?” I asked.

“Nah, I’m good.”

I went to the kitchen anyway and grabbed myself a bottle of water. Returning to the living room I found Tristan had made himself quite comfortable. His shoes were off and he was channel surfing as if we were really going to be sitting here watching TV. After settling on some cartoons he turned to me.

“What’s up?”

“It’s August. You not hot as hell in that Brooklyn jersey?”

“Stop being a hater. You know I look good.”

“The only thing I know is you’re making me hot with that damn thing on. How about we take this off?”

Moving closer I wasted no time straddling his lap as I attempted to unbutton the first button, but he stopped me.

“Whoa, slow down Trinity. It’s been a minute since we’ve kicked it. You finally hit me up after all this time and now you’re just ready to have sex. What’s going on with you?”

“Shhh.” I said placing a finger on his lips. “I don’t wanna talk. I just want you to fuck me.” I whispered before kissing him.

My hands cupped his face in an effort to feel connected to him. He didn’t need to know what was going on with me all he needed to do was help me regardless if he realized it or not.

Flipping me over he detached our lips as he hovered over me.

“Trinity.” He growled. “You think I don’t know you. This isn’t you. Something is going on and I’m not going to ask you again.”

‘Damnit Tristan!’ Why did he have to be so damn persistent? Why couldn’t he just let it go?

Closing my eyes for a brief second I looked up at him. “Fine! Like you said it’s been a while and it just hit me how much I’ve missed you which is why I invited you over.”

Not exactly a lie, but undeniably not the whole truth: omission was key here. Pulling him closer to me I spoke up once more. “I just figured you'd miss me too," I said placing a peck on his lips with each word.

He just looked at me not saying a word and I didn't know whether to take that as a good thing or bad thing. Tristan wasn't lying when he said he knew me. It wasn’t like we had just become friends the other day. It had been seven glorious years between us so I was almost sure he could tell I was putting up a facade but he had no idea why. Just like he knew me, I knew him. I knew he had a soft spot for me even though I had treated him like shit once I found out. Once everything had gone downhill I took the initiative to place distance within our relationship and it seemed to serve its purpose, but after tonight if I had my way it could possibly all come crumbling down. I was willing to take that risk for a moment of sanity on my behalf.

I brought my lips to his ear as I whispered. “Please, Tristan. I need you.” I pleaded before my lips landed on his neck where I gently bit and sucked. Finding his lips once more there was no resistance as our warm tongues found each other in a hot, messy kiss. Our hands explored each other like it was our first time together. I frantically removed his jersey as if he was going to disappear from in front of me at any moment. I took a second to admire the body he’d spent countless hours building in the gym.

Dipping his head into the crook of my neck he sucked on the skin like he was trying to hurt me and I loved every second of it. The marks that would decorate my skin in the morning would be a reminder that this couldn't happen again. No matter how many times I told myself that we ended up right back here in the same position. It wasn’t that Tristan was bad for me. It was quite the opposite. I couldn't give myself to him the way he needed me to, but yet I had no problem using him for sex when I needed to get one off.

I let the thought go along with my shirt as he pulled it over my head. My bra was next as he took my nipple into his mouth. Moans flew from my lips from the sensations his warm tongue caused. He showed my other nipple the same attention before he continued to shower my body with kisses as he removed the barely there denim shorts I dawned.

"Look how wet you are for me." He said as he ran his hand over my pussy before inserting two fingers. His fingers moved in and out of me slowly, but effortlessly. He knew all the right spots to touch as my body continuously responded to him.

He was touching me but I wanted to be touching him and feeling him. My hands found his zipper and I wasted no time seeking out my prize. His dick stood at attention just ready for another wild night between us. As I stroked him in my hand my mouth couldn't help but water. The way he tucked his bottom lip in between his teeth made me wanna see what he'd do when it was my warm mouth instead.

My sounds of pleasure grew in volume, as my breathing got deeper. I was so close to the edge I could feel it and then all of a sudden nothing. His fingers stopped moving inside of me and when I opened my eyes to figure out what was the hold up he just stood there looking down at me with a stupid ass grin that I could smack right off his face.

"I had to get you warmed up."

I punched his chest and he just laughed.

"I'll make it up to you baby."

A slip of the tongue on his part, but I said nothing because I knew this game all too well.

"Condom?"

Shit. I forgot to bring one down.

"I left them upstairs."

A yelp escaped my lips as he scooped me up and headed upstairs to my bedroom. We kissed and groped each other like two horny teenagers the whole way there. Pulling a condom out my draw upon arrival he quickly opened it and shielded himself. Backing me into the bedroom door he hoisted my body against the wall as he lined up with my entrance and slowly pushed forward.

My body welcomed him as we collectively let out grunts. The cold wall against my hot skin felt wonderful. My nails ran over his back, not doing any damage yet. His strokes were nice and slow. They were deep allowing me to savor every inch of him.

"Oh yes. Just like that." I encouraged.

"You like these slow strokes?"

"Hmm Mhmm." I responded not able to coherently let him know how I was feeling.

"But I thought you wanted me to fuck you." He switched up pulling my body down onto his dick as he thrust into me harder knocking the wind right out of me.

"Is this how you want me to treat you?"

"Fuck, yes."

Moving over to the bed he placed me down pushing my knees as far as they could go before he pounded into me. The slapping of our skins could be heard along with how wet I was. I could almost see the satisfaction oozing from him knowing that he was giving me what I wanted.

He brought his palm down to my ass continuously and the stinging from it felt deliciously good as I moaned out his name.

Placing my hands on his chest, I attempted to slow down his strokes, but he simply swatted my hands away.

"You wanted this shit and now you gotta take it."

"I can't. I’m gonna cum."  I let out the loudest scream as my orgasm ripped through me. My body convulsed like none other as I tried to regain my composure but Tristan didn't care or give me time to recover.

Smack!

My ass stung once more.

"Turn that ass over and arch it up for me." I did exactly as told. Several seconds passed before he spread my legs and his lips began to greedily devour me.

"Oh my god!" I screeched almost falling out from the sudden contact. His tongue beat against my swollen clit like a boxer beating a punching bag. I had to scream into the pillow and that’s when another smack to the ass came.

"Don't hold that shit in. I wanna hear you." He mumbled against my hot skin before going back to work.

My hands clenched the sheets as I let everything out like I was speaking in tongues and it seemed and if he was the only one who understood me. His tongue gave me one last lick before he slipped back into my warm carven. A yelp left my lips as his hands yanked my hair. We were right back where we started with this fast hard hitting thrust that filled me up making me whimper in appreciation for him being here giving me just what I needed.

This is what I wanted: these moments of bliss to make me forget about the aching of my heart and so far it was doing exactly that.

Bringing my legs closer I smirked as he let out a hiss. My walls were hugging him quite snuggly and with the way, his strokes were growing sloppy and erratic meant he was almost ready to go. His hands found my swollen clit and began rubbing in circles.  I could feel those coils of pressure ready to pop at any second. No warning as I came all over the condom coating it in my juices. A few more matches for his strokes and he was letting out grunts of his own as he exploded into the condom. Getting out of the bed he returned a few minutes later all cleaned up. He pulled me into his side as we eventually fell asleep together.

—

The comfort I’d been seeking never came. I laid wrapped in his arms, but I couldn’t feel anymore disconnected from him. The sex had only temporarily taken my mind off things, but now the reality of my situation hit me in the face and it hit me quite hard. My mother was still in a coma fighting for her life and to make it worse I'd brought Tristan into the situation, making our situation all the more complicated. Everything from calling me baby to cuddling after sex was a recipe for disaster.

My alarm blared throughout the bedroom causing Tristan to groan and pull my body closer as his snores permeated the air once more. Extending my hand, I hit the snooze button before untangling our limbs. Sitting up I stretched as the cold air hit my naked body. His grumbles filled the air before the bed moved.

“It’s 4 in the morning Trin.”

“Okay. Don’t act like you don’t know I have to get to school.” I said getting up as I looked for clothes to wear. I could feel his eyes watching my naked frame.

“How much longer are we going to do this?”

“Do what Tristan?”

It was too early for this redundant conversation. There was never a resolve so I was almost sure he just liked hearing the sound of his own voice when it came to this particular matter.

“This shit. You know how I feel –” Turning around I held my hand up cutting him off.

“And that’s where you fucked up. No one told you to catch feelings. You knew what the agreement was.”

“Clearly you feel some type of way too. No one is going to fuck someone they’re not feeling. Maybe if this was a one night stand I’d be saying some other shit, but we haven’t spoken in how long and now you’re hitting me up and on my dick.”

A scoff left my lips.

“And you still can’t get enough of this pussy unless you would’ve brought your ass home and left me the fuck alone! Don’t play with me Tristan cause I’m not them little girls you can speak to  however you feel like it.”

A chuckle left his lips before I heard movement coming from the bed.

“Watch your mouth! You the one getting crazy and you think I’m not about to buck back. Nah fuck that. I’m tired of playing this game with you. You’re being a brat and I’m not about put up with this shit.”

There was that word again: brat. But that wasn’t even that part that hurt. It was the fact that I needed to admit to myself that his words held some truth. Instead of allowing him to see the effect his words had I went to the linen closet and retrieved a towel. Returning to my bedroom I threw it at him.

“You’re more than welcome to shower if not lock the door on your way out.”

Leaving him with my parting words I went to prepare for my day.

-

These past five days had probably been the most difficult in my life. My mother was still in a coma and school was stressing me out.  With my mom’s situation, it was taking a toll on me and that trickled down to my school work. I couldn’t focus long enough to actually study. We were getting ready to move into our next rotation and had just wrapped up shelf exams. I know I hadn’t been on my P&Q’s and my attending physician took had taken notice because I was sitting in her office.

“Trinity, how’s everything going?”

Did he want the truth or bullshit?

“Considering everything pretty good.”

“Well if that’s the case can we talk about your shelf exam score? You’ve been doing well so far so to say the results of these are disappointing is an understatement.”

He handed me the test and I’d managed to get a 60%. I didn’t feel super positive about the test, but I didn’t expect to bomb it the way I did.

“Do I have to retake the entire rotation? What does the mean for me moving forward? Dr. Michaels I-”

“Relax Trinity.” Dr. Michaels said with a chuckle. “This failure isn’t going to determine your worth. You won’t have to retake the rotation and you’ll have a chance to retake the exam in a month. You’re a smart girl and I see an extremely promising future for in whatever field you choose to pursue.  You can talk to me, Trinity. I was in your shoes and I remember what it was like.”

“Thank you, Dr. Michaels. Things have been a little rough the last few days with my mom still in the hospital, so when I’m not here at Bellevue I’m at Methodist but I’ll be back on my A game soon enough. I’ve come too far to let this define me.”

“I’m sorry to hear about your mother. I don’t know the dynamics of her case, but I’m sure she’ll pull through.”

“Thank you.”

Letting me go I exited his office to immediately feel my phone vibrating.  

“Hello.”

“Hi, it’s Doctor Adams. Am I speaking to Trinity St. James?”

My chest felt tight. Per my request, I had asked him to call me if there was a change in my mother’s condition. For the sake of everything, I was praying he was going to deliver good news.

“Yes, this is she.”

“I’m calling to let you know your mother condition has improved. She’s woken up from her coma.”

“I’ll be there soon. Thank you so much.”

—

Excitement buzzed through my veins as I practically ran through the hallways. Rounding the corner, I bumped right into a man sending the hot drink in his hand right to his jacket.

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry.”

I began wiping at his shirt as if my hands were going to magically get the stain out.

“It’s alright ma. It’s just a jacket.”

Looking up at him he threw a smile at me and I was glad he wasn't upset. Rummaging through my bag I pulled out my wallet and retrieved a ten dollar bill.

"Here," I said handing it to him. He could at least get a new cup of whatever he was drinking and the rest could go towards his dry cleaning.

"Nah you good."

"It's the least I can do for sending your cup flying all over you."

"How bout you do me one better and join me?"

Heat rushed to my cheeks as I averted my gaze to the floor.

"As flattered as I am I have to get to someone."

He nodded in understanding. "Well don't let me keep you."

I gave him a small wave as I walked off and headed in the direction of my mother's room. Placing a small knock on the open door I stepped forward. A smile immediately covered my face seeing my mother up and running.

"Hi, mama."

"Hi, baby." I immediately took notice of her slurred speech.

Walking over to her bedside I grabbed the nearby seat and pulled it closer before making myself comfortable. Taking a hold of her hand the room stayed silent. The tears broke free from my sealed eyelids why momma just ran her hand through my hair in an attempt to soothe me.

"Mama I was so scared. These last few days without you have been the worst."

The saying you don't know what you got until it's gone rang true. Don't get me wrong I didn't take my mother for granted, but coming home to an empty house had been something new for me. It threw me off my game, but now that mama was back everything would return to its state of normalcy minus her stroke recovery time.

Hearing footsteps I turned my head to see Dr. Adams entered the room.

"Hello, Trinity."

"Hi, Doctor Adams."

"Unfortunately, we won't be discharging her tonight. I still want to watch over a little bit before sending her home to you. From the few test, they've run it seems the left side of her brain suffered a bit of damage which is where the slurred speech is coming from. I'm sure speech therapy will help with that. We've also noticed she can move her legs but she can't walk. Seems like the leg muscles were weakened with the stroke so she's also going to need some intensive physical therapy."

With each word fleeing his lips it felt like someone was stabbing my heart and twisting the knife. My mother was my everything and to see her suffer, hurt. She'd need all this help, but how was I suppose to give her that when medical school was taking over my life. I wiped at my face trying my best not to break down in the middle of this hospital room.

"All that aside if everything else turns out good to go she'll be home in no time."

“Thank you, Dr. Adams.”

Trying not to dwell on everything Dr. Adams said we just held a typical conversation. When she was ready to really dive into everything going on I would oblige but for now, I just wanted to enjoy quality time with my mama.

Visiting hours were up and I was on my way out to go start studying and attempting to eat. Tear stains still decorated my face. I’d done my best to keep it together while in front of mama, but now everything was getting to me all over again. The news Doctor Adams delivered was news I should’ve been delivering to “my” patients.

“Hey.”

Halting my steps, I turned to see the stranger I’d bumped into earlier. A wave of embarrassment washed over me. I probably looked a hot mess, but yet he still wanted to talk to me.

“Hey,” I replied.

“I really think you should make that cup up to me. Let me buy you some ice cream. There’s a Haagen Dazs shop like 5 minutes away.”

Alarms should’ve gone up, but they didn’t. I didn’t know how to handle my emotions. Instead of tackling them on my own I depended on other people to help me cope.

“Sure.”

Entering the elevator, we rode in silence. It wasn’t until we exited that we broke it.

“Name’s Jamal by the way.”

“Trinity. It’s nice to meet you circumstances aside.”

He chuckled and I managed to take him in immediately noting he towered over my 5’6 frame. His caramel skin along with his neatly trimmed facial hair was winning me over. Not to mention that smile was killer and I was a sucker for them.

“I look and feel like shit, but for whatever reason, you’re still asking me out. I’m flattered.”

“I’d have to disagree and that’s honestly all the more reason it’s a good idea you’re letting me take you out. I’ll put you in better spirits.”

“Is that so?”

“Sure is.”

We walked again in silence as I mulled over his words. I hadn’t been out in forever and Jamal seemed nice enough. School was all I knew and I did deserve a little break especially with everything going on even if that included some time out to treat my sweet tooth. The humid summer air hit our skin as we stepped outside and I immediately wanted to backtrack into the hospital.

The walk over we made conversation and it wasn’t awkward considering we were two strangers. The minute we entered the shop I was grateful it wasn’t crowded and the air conditioner was kicking.

“Sir you’re starting this friendship off all wrong. That walk was definitely longer than 5 minutes.”

“Friendship. I like that sound of that.”

“Oh God! Your head doesn’t need to get any bigger.”

“Hey,” Jamal said feigning offense. “My mama said I would grow into it.”

I let out a laugh that I didn’t know I needed.

“There goes that pretty smile.”

I bit my lip as I placed my hair behind my ears at his compliment. Trying a few samples, we finally decided on what flavors we wanted. We sat down and conversation flowed. Almost an hour later we were still in the shop ice cream melted and all.

“Let me get you outta here, med school. Need you alert in the morning.”

It was getting pretty late by my standards since I was waking up at the crack of dawn most days. Disposing of our trash we exited the ice cream shop.

“So considering how great tonight went I definitely would like to get your number.”

“Great? It was alright.” I said hiding my smile.

“You like to play hard, dontchu?

“I don’t know, you tell me,” I said with a look of contemplation as I toyed with the pop socket on the back of my phone.

“Damn it’s like that?” Jamal asked?

I laughed handing over my phone. He shook his head as his tongue ran over his lips before he put his number in. Once my phone was back in my possession I hailed a cab. Getting in I rolled the window down.

“Goodnight Jamal.”

#Trey Songz FF #Sevyn Streeter FF #Trey Songz Fanfic #Sevyn Streeter Fanfic #Trey Songz Fic #Sevyn Streeter Fic #Trevyn Fanfic #Trevyn FF #Trevyn Fanfiction #Fanfic #Fanfiction

[saikostories]

HAIKYUU - The Dark Spots on the Sun pt2

As Shoyo had expected, the day had dragged on longer than he thought. It was excruciating to sit through Maths, and even worse to watch the teacher ramble on about god-knows-what in History. However, what Shoyo did slightly look forward to, was his free period. He wasn’t in a place where he wanted to see Hoshi per se... It was more that he felt good about studying for this test. He had really concentrated during English as to write as many notes down as possible. The more I write down, the easier it will be for Hoshi- Nanami... to teach me. That was the thought pattern that was going on throughout his head. So when it came to that free period, Shoyo was quite happy to see that his work in class had payed off. Maybe it was because he actually concentrated... or perhaps it had something to do with Nanami’s teach style... either way, it further heightened his belief that for once in his life, Shoyo could actually pass a class that he didn’t enjoy.

“Thanks for all your help Nanami... I’ll try to get the work that you set me done tonight ready for our lesson tomorrow.” Shoyo said, slinging his bag over his shoulder. The good thing about this free period meant that he only had one more class and then it was volleyball. After that, it was homebound to make sure Natsu was okay and food was on the table

“No problem! Your notes being colour coded will help a lot to memorise the important parts... though you already have that covered thanks to Yachi-san!” She said taking a step forward towards Shoyo and putting her hair behind her ear. She was slightly taller than Shoyo was but what made him uncomfortable was the proximity between them. Shoyo took a step back and smiled slightly.

“Yeah... Yachi is really good with that sort of stuff. She’s also a really good manager too.” Nanami frowned a bit at that. But it disappeared shortly after.

“Well... Maybe I could come watch you after practice? It would be nice to see how good of a volleyball player you actually are...” Shoyo gulped and nodded.

“S-sure... I mean, we’re just doing drills today but we might have a practice match so if you want...”

“Great! I’ll come watch after class!” She waved as Shoyo ran down the hallway to get to class.

Yachi’s a good manager huh?

-

Nanami stood at the door of the gym, slowly peering through to spot the usual colour of Shoyo’s hair. Upon spotting it, she smiled and waved.

“Hey is it just me... or is that unbelievably cute girl waving at us?” Noya said to Tanaka, causing him to spin around and open his eyes wide.

“Oh my god... I spy an angel! What is she doing here?” Tanaka said. Tsukishima raised an eyebrow and tutted.

“She’s a first year in the Class 1. Yachi’s friend I think...” Yamaguchi said. “Nanami Hoshi.” At the mention of her name, Shoyo turned to face the doorway and smiled back. The rest of the Volleyball players watched with open mouths as Shoyo ran up to her to say hello.

“Hey Shoyo! I came to watch like we said.” She put her hands behind her back ad twisted her body side to side. Shoyo nodded and pointed to the bench that was currently being occupied by Kiyoko and Yachi.

“Hey Nanami! I was right, we did some drills and we’re just about to start a practice match if you’re interested in watching.”

“Oh you know me.... I’m always interested in watching you play Shoyo-kun!” Shoyo felt his face heat up again as she batted her eyelashes and took a step forwards. Behind him, he could also sense every single pair of eyes from his team mates pinned onto the back of his head.

“Did I just hear that right? Somebody is actually interested in that idiot?” Kageyama scowled, annoyed that Shoyo was wasting time talking to a girl.

“What are you jealous that the most popular girl in school likes that hyperactive child over you?” Tsukishima mocked.

“Yeah I don’t know if you were insulting Kageyama or Hinata on that one...” Kinoshita deadpanned. Yamaguchi laughed awkwardly as they watched the setter scowl even more. “Oi Kageyama, you know if you keep scowling like that your face is gonna be stuck like that you know!” The team laughed as a loud Shut Up! erupted in the gym. Shoyo jogged back after Nanami had taken her seat on the bench, just in time for the whistle to blow.

“Right! We’re gonna be doing another 3 on 3! We’ll have Kageyama, Hinata and Tanaka on one team.... Followed by Sugawara, Asahi and Nishinoya on the other. The rest of you will be practicing passing and setting  in pairs outside.” Coach Ukai said as Kyoko and Yachi got out the score board. As the teams took their places on the court, Shoyo smiled at Nanami, happy she was there to watch him. It felt weird that the most popular girl in school had taken an interest in him... but nonetheless, it pushed him to do well.

The game started and went how any normal game should go. Shoyo would try his best to hit every spike, receive and serve that he could. Especially since Nanami was paying close attention. For some reason, he felt the need to impress her. Not because he had any interest in her or anything... but it still felt exciting and thrilling to be the centre of one’s attention. Especially since there was a significant lack of it at home.

Eventually, Shoyo, Kageyama and Tanaka had one 25-23. Nanami stood up and clapped hard, surprising everyone on the court. Shoyo blushed and smiled a little at her enthusiasm.

“That was amazing shoyo! You were jumping and running and catching.... It was like a huge... orange... blur!”

“Really? you weren’t too bored?” Shoyo asked nervously. Nanami shook her head.

“Not at all! I totally get why you love it, I mean you’re sooooo good! I hope I can come watch you when you play again.” Shoyo nodded and took a sip of his drink.

“That’s sounds great... I’ll uh let you know when we next have a match....”

“Hinata! Hey idiot! We gotta practice! Stop flirting and get over here!”

“I’m not flirting bakeyama!” Shoyo yelled whilst blushing nervously. “I... I gotta go but um... I’ll see you tomorrow? For tutoring?” Nanami nodded eagerly.

“I can’t wait! Good luck on the rest of practice!” She said as she walked away, waving. Shoyo smiled back and watched her walk away.

Even if she wasn’t someone that Shoyo was interested in... She’d be a nice friend....

-

“Hello? Anyone home?” Silence. Looks like she’s still at work... or She’s passed out from drinking too much. Shoyo walked around the house, peering into the different rooms to try and see if Amaya had gotten home. If she had, it meant that Shoyo was in for it again tonight. Nanami had caught up with him after volleyball practice, which, thanks to Noya and Kageyama... had run late. Again. “Natsu? You here?” Slowly, the sound of a door opening sounded and a tearful Natsu tiptoed over to her brother. Shoyo knelt down and pulled her into his arms. “Hey... are you okay?” Natsu nodded and Shoyo sighed quietly, happy that she had yet to fall victim to her mother’s abuse. “Come on. I’ll get dinner on. I think we have some rice and chicken left over from the other day. You hungry?” Natsu nodded and wiped her tears away.

“Shoyo... mom picked me up and she didn’t say anything. She hasn’t said anything at all since she got back. She just shouted at me and told me to go wait for you to come back...” Natsu whimpered as more tears fell from her eyes. Shoyo hushed her again and pulled her back in for another hug.

“Where’s mom now? In the kitchen?”

Natsu shook her head and pointed to where the lounge was. Quietly, Shoyo could hear the soft buzz of the TV, signalling that Amaya had indeed fallen asleep. Shoyo stood up and got the left overs from the fridge, whilst Natsu rambled on about her day. Slowly, she was starting to stop crying. Shoyo always loved it when she talked about how her day went. She rambled on about her friends, her teachers, the school pet that they recently got and how they all agreed to call the new goldfish “iki”. He also felt happy when Natsu showed him the drawing that she had done in her art class. It wasn’t a masterpiece by some famous painter... just a simple drawing done by a six year old. Though Shoyo couldn’t help but think that it was the best drawing he’d ever seen. On it was a small boy.... and a much smaller girl holding hands in front of a house under water. Hovering just in between their heads, was a tiny goldfish rightly labelled Iki. Shoyo took it and slipped into his pocket. If he showed Amaya this, she’d most likely just rip the thing up.

“Where the hell were you today?” Shoyo widened his eyes. He was hoping that he could get Natsu to go into her room before their mother woke up. But now that she had, they were both stuck in the kitchen.

“I’m s-sorry mom... I got a flat tire so I had to stop at a friends house to-” Shoyo couldn’t finish the sentence before he felt a large thump to the side of his head, knocking him on the ground. This time, he hadn’t anticipated the beating. Normally, it would be done after dinner.

“Don’t lie to me! I know you stayed late at that stupid volleyball club! How many times have I told you to quit it!? I don’t care if you have to leave early but you will get home, you will cook food and you will do as I say! Is that so hard to do!? Or do I have to beat it into you again!?”

“N-no mom-” Shoyo’s breath caught in his throat as another punch to his face sent him flying to the ground. As he tried to get up, a foot slammed onto his back, knocking him to the ground again. Amaya crouched down and twisted his arm around his back. The pain from the unnatural position made Shoyo wince out loud in pain and a tear threatened to fall.

“What is wrong with you? Why are you such.... a dissapointment....” Shoyo opened his eyes and looked into his peripheral vision. Natsu stood staring, eyes wide at the scene in front of her. He wished that he could tell her to go away, to run into her room and not come out until he said it was okay like they always did. But instead, he could only cry out as Amaya pushed on his back again, causing his head to his the ground hard. What am I going to do? How can I get her to stop?

“I’m sorry mom, please, I won’t be late again... I promise...” Amaya tutted and stood up, whilst taking another swig from the beer bottle she had placed on the table.

“I don’t care what you do. Just remember for next time or else I won’t be so lenient, go it? You’re a disgrace... You should have just died when your father did. Better yet, you should have died in his place. Pathetic, useless and forgotten.” Amaya snatched the bowl of rice from the table, a new bottle of beer from the fridge and stormed into her room. With a slam, Shoyo pleaded that this was it for the night. Amaya hadn’t been lying. Compared to her usual beatings, this wasn’t half bad... However from what Shoyo had gone through the night before, plus not eating breakfast nor lunch for two days in a row, throwing of course two, two hour sessions of volleyball a day....

He felt like he had been hit with a sledge hammer.

He couldn’t move. Every fibre of muscle in his body screamed in agony. How long can I go like this? Before I eventually break?

“Shoyo?”

“I’m okay Natsu... Why don’t you go get ready for bed? I’ll be right there....”

“But Shoyo...”

“I said go to bed Natsu.”

...

“Okay...” Shoyo waited until he heard the soft click of Natsu’s door shutting before he curled in on himself and fully embraced the pain that he felt. He stayed like that for a couple of minutes, until eventually he grew bored and pulled himself up. Limping his way to the bathroom, he made sure that the light from Amaya’s bedroom was truly off. That must mean she’s finally asleep. Good. Once he got into the bathroom, he gasped a little. The bruise that he had gotten yesterday had reformed and darkened to a blackish colour with yellow around the edges. He also had another bruise on his forehead that was starting to form. He reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it up. There, he found a cluster of bruises appearing on his ribs. Nothing permanent but a little bit or arnica cream certainly wasn’t going to make this go away. What was he going to tell the team? That he fell of his bike again? That he walked into a door? He winced as he stretched to get the cream... only to land on a smaller bag. He reached a little further and pulled it out.

Mom’s makeup bag.

He had never used any obviously... But he started to wonder if he could potentially use this to cover up some of the bruising? His mom had roughly the same colour skin tone... so perhaps if he watched a tutorial or something he could figure out a way to put some on. Opening it up, he grabbed what looked like to be what he needed... a small tube labelled ‘concealer’. Sounds about right. I’ll use it tomorrow when Mom leaves. She won’t notice it’s gone that way. He puts the bag bag to where he finds it and heads to the kitchen to make lunch. Thankfully, there was enough for lunches for the both of them tomorrow. If he missed another day then he wasn’t sure he’d be able to survive on the same energy. Plus I still have to do that homework Nanami set me. Damn it. After lunches for tomorrow were made, Shoyo tiptoed to Natsu’s room and knocked in the same pattern he did every night. When he heard nothing, he opened it slightly. Sure enough, Natsu had fallen asleep. Shoyo creeped in and gently sat down on the bed as to try and not to wake her up. She looked so peaceful... yet the frown on her face and the way she scrunched the covers up in her hands told him otherwise.

“I’m sorry for worrying you Natsu...” Shoyo whispered softly. “I promised you I’d be the best brother in the world.... Well I don’t think I’m doing that good of a job...” he gulped and took a shaky breath. “I’ll protect you Natsu.... I swear it. She’ll never lay a finger on you okay...” he bent down a gently pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I’ll never leave you alone with her okay?”

-

Shoyo couldn’t sleep well that night. When the morning came, he snuck in to the bathroom and did his best with Amaya’s makeup to hide the bruising on his face. It didn’t cover them up completely but it did make it look way better than it had before. Natsu had taken her lunch already... in which she smiled when she found the meat bun that Shoyo had been given fro, Kageyama and therefore not eaten. Amaya had not said anything when she left. She didn’t even spare a glance at her son nor her daughter. So far... if Amaya was to be like this the whole week... He wondered if she would still go on that business trip. For Natsu, it was imperative she went. Shoyo had already planned ahead too. Natsu was to stay at a friends house for the week. This was actually better for her, because not only did she have a friend to hang out with than her brother, but it gave her a chance to have real meals. Like pizza and fish and meat. Stuff that usually would be too expensive to buy on Shoyo’s allowance.

Shoyo sat on the steps of the gym. He had left slightly earlier, claiming he had to meet with his teacher about a school project. The truth is, he had no energy for Kageyama’s usual racing. He wanted a morning where he would walk to school peacefully... giving him time to think of a backup plan if Amaya came home early. And to do the homework Nanami had set him. Soon, he heard the loud thumps of feet on the ground come to an abrupt halt in front of him. Shoyo however, didn’t bother to look up. His head still heart from yesterday.

“You’re already here.”

“Yeah.”

“Have you been waiting here long?”

“No.”

“What’s with the short answers? Too lazy to act all hyper?” Kageyama teased with an eyebrow up. Shoyo shrugged and lifted his head to finally look at Kageyama. The setter frowned at Shoyo’s face, clearly noticing the bruising and the badly applied concealer. “Oi idiot. What happened to your face? Fell off your bike again?” Shoyo smiled weakly and shrugged again.

“Ahhh.... there you two are. Didn’t race today?” Daichi appeared around the corner with the locker room’s keys in his hands. “Seriously... I ought to just give you the keys... saves me having to get up in the morning.” He laughed slightly and unlocked the club room. Kageyama as usual came barrelling in to try and get changed first. Seriously.... everything’s a competition with you right? Shoyo thought to himself. Daichi looked over at the middle blocker and raised his eyebrows. “Woah Hinata you’re already changed. Guess you can help me put up the net whilst we wait for the others.”

Shoyo had thought ahead. If he had gotten changed at the locker room, the likelihood that the team would see his bruises on his ribs were probable. This he didn’t need. He’d probably get changed in the toilets later, or pretend that his uniform was in the wash and not wear it today. Anything to make sure they didn’t notice. Shoyo nodded and followed Daichi out. Kageyama however had eyes fixed on his team mate. Something to him... wasn’t right. Somethings off. He’s acting way too different. Shoyo followed daichi silently. When he started setting everything up for morning practice, he still stayed quiet.

What am I going to do if mom comes home early? What do I do with Natsu? What do I do if she founds out I’m not there?

“-ta. Nata. HINATA.” The sound of someone yelling shook him out of his trance and Shoyo’s head snapped up. He had completely forgotten he was supposed to act normal. Yet here he was overthinking things and not saying anything.

“Y-yes?” Shoyo stammered as he looked up. Huh? Coach Ukrai? Since when did he get here?

“Are you listening to me?”

How long have I been spacing out for?

“Y-yeah... sorry... I ugh... well I was just...”

What the hell are you doing!? Speak normally for God’s sake!

“Anyway... We have two days exactly until we leave. For those of you who have exams tomorrow... good luck! It will be a shame if you have to miss out. Dismissed.”

I wasn’t focusing for the entire practice!? What the hell!?

“Hinata. Can I talk to you for a second?” Shoyo nodded as he walked up to Takeda. For some reason, Shoyo felt like his heart was in his throat. That entire morning practice had been an blur to him. One minute he was helping Daichi... the next he was finishing morning practice. He couldn’t remember a thing. Was I really that occupied with thinking up a plan for mom?

“Mr Takeda... I just want to let you know that I...”

“Hinata are you okay?”

Huh? Shoyo froze in place. Please don’t tell me after all that my cover was blown!

“I’m only asking because it doesn’t seem like you’re yourself lately. You’ve been spacing out all practice. Like something is on your mind...”

“W-well I just...”

“If it’s about your exams don’t worry... I’ve been keeping an eye on your report card and apparently you’re doing very well in English. Your teacher is really happy that you got yourself a tutor... plus you seem to be really concentrating in class...” oh right.... the exam.... I forgot about that... “I just want to let you know that it’s okay to take a break. Studying 24/7 is not good okay?” Shoyo nodded. So he thought I was just stressed.... I can go with that.

“Don’t worry sir. I’m perfectly fine. Tomorrow I have a good feeling I’ll do really well, and I’ll be able to go to Tokyo with you all.” Takeda smiled.

“I’m glad, just know that as your teacher... I’m here to talk about anything if you need me okay? Now go. Get to class.” Shoyo nodded and ran towards the school history department.

Yeah. I’ll be fine.

Natsu will be fine.

Everything... will be fine.

-

“So basically you have to look at the ending form of the verb and decide whether that should be in the imperative form or the conditional.” Nanami had been helping Shoyo out more and more... not just in English but in all sorts of subjects... Maths, Japanese, history. She had been a big help to him lately. At this rate, Shoyo even thought he could move up a class. “It’s really good Shoyo, I think you definitely can pass this test tomorrow...” Shoyo nodded as he packed his books away and stood up ready to go for lunch. He was happy he finally got something to eat this time. Even if it wasn’t much. He was also happy that Natsu hadn’t noticed the extra sandwhich that Shoyo had slipped in to her bag. Normally, she’d be the one to pass him some of her lunch, saying that they made cookies in food tech so she was okay. Shoyo didn’t really believe her... but he hadn’t had the heart to call her out on it. Nanami followed Shoyo until they reached his class. At one of the desks, sat Kageyama, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, who waved as they waited for Shoyo to sit down.

“Thanks again Nanami.” He was just about to leave when she grabbed his arm, surprising him a little. He winced as she held on, remembering the bruises Amaya had caused the night before. She doesn’t let go though.

“So listen... I was wondering if you wanted to go grab coffee or something... You know... after school next week?” Shoyo’s arm was aching a little bit more now. He nodded slowly.

“Sure I uh... I have a week training program in Tokyo next week but I’m sure we could afterwards?” Nanami’s eyes widened happily and she finally let go of Shoyo’s arm.

“Brilliant! It’s a date! I’ll call you Shoyo-kun!” She cried as she ran towards her class in the hall. Shoyo sighed and rubbed his arm, before walking over to his teammates to sit down. They each raised their eyebrows in suspicion.

“So you and Hoshi huh? That’s fun....” Yamaguchi asked innocently as he started eating his way through a bag of chips. Shoyo shrugged and opened his own paper brown bag.

“Hm... i think she expects more from me though... I’m not really looking for a serious relationship.” Shoyo internally winced as he looked down. His sandwich he had prepared had fallen apart to look like a jumbled mess in his lunch bag. He sighed and picked up the banana and threw the rest away in the bin. Looks like I’m not eating that much again today.

“Hey Shoyo!” Shoyo turned his head to see the familiar faces of both Tanaka and Nishinoya entering his class. He smiled and waved a little hello, whilst gesturing for them to sit down. Tanaka looked over to what Shoyo was eating and tutted. “Seriously you’re not eating again?” Kageyama frowned at that.

“Yeah Shoyo... you can’t just eat fruit all day and nothing else. I mean I know it’s healthy but your need to eat way more if you want to have enough energy for practice...” Noya added. Shoyo smiled his usual fake smile and shook his head in protest.

“I’m fine seriously! Nanami made me a muffin earlier so Technically I already ate.”

“Okay... I just don’t want to clean up a dead Hinata from the volleyball court because you haven’t had anything sustaining. Here take this.” Tanaka passed him a pack of biscuits. As much as Shoyo wanted to say no... he was getting reeeeaaaally hungry. It was starting to really affect him. He nodded a Thankyou and took the food.

As they group talked, Shoyo would stare out of the window like he usually did in class. Tomorrow was his test. He had to do well. If he didn’t, then he could Kiss Tokyo goodbye. Plus, with the extra classes he’d have to take, it would surely mean that he wouldn’t get home on time. That out Natsu in danger. What did I do if she does come home early? Either way it’s not going to be good for me at all. A hand on his arm snapped out of his thoughts and he turned to see a worried Yamaguchi peering at him.

“Shoyo... are you okay?” He blinked a couple of times and checked the clock. What? Two already? Did lunch really go that fast!? I literally just sat down though! Have I been spacing out that long!?

Shoyo couldn’t find the words that were stuck in his throat. It was getting too hot in this classroom. Too stuffy. He couldn’t breathe for some reason.

“I-I’m fine... I was just thinking that’s all...”

“That’s dangerous...” Tsukishima replied under his breath but loud enough for everyone to hear. He frowned when Shoyo didn’t react. Instead, he pulled his arm away from Yamaguchi and took a step backwards.

“I-I’m sorry.... I... I have somewhere... I need to be.” Shoyo didn’t even let any of them mutter another word as he grabbed his bag and ran to his next class, taking a detour and going the long way. He was panicking, he was overthinking the whole business-trip situation. He just needed to relax and act normal.

“Did I say something wrong?” Yamaguchi asked the group. Noya and Tanaka shared a glance. Something wasn’t quite right with their underclassman.