#im still mad about the sam one tho that still makes me crazy

[opheliasam]

i was so mad this day im crying

#drafts #mind u these r from like a month ago I could not post them in good conscience it is simply not in *that* state of mind rn #by which i mean it’s not that srs to me currently but i understand and respect the sentiment like yas these r valid rage inducing issues.. #good 👍 #alt : ​my courtroom defense for the wincest trials #im still mad about the sam one tho that still makes me crazy #personal

[sanchoyo]

so I decided to watch danny phantom. I got 3 episodes in and I have Thoughts. im not going to liveblog it necessarily, but just, maybe post my thoughts every 3-5 episodes? because, I have thoughts. (which im sure are not NEW thoughts for dp fans, but, you know. new for me) Anyway. ep 1-3 Thoughts.

- the parents Suck. I love Jazz.

-dannys little 'actually i wanna be an astronaut :)' BABY. im adopting him and his sister. these parents suck so far lol jazz shouldnt have to deal with this and being the most responsible person in the house at age 16. HATE the 'absentminded idiot parents' trope SO much actually. it just makes me mad and makes me want to adopt these kids.

-sam...is so much like me at age 15. at least when I was having a vegan phase. not saying veganism isnt a legit thing or w/e but. my god. shes so Not Like Other Girls. lmfao. if she wanted to go to the dance, she shouldve just SAID so directly!! and I hated her just going up and being catty to Paulina for No Reason Other Than Jealousy UNPROVOKED!!! Like, if anything, the BOYS are the shallow ones, approaching Paulina based on nothing but her looks instead of getting to know her?? it would not have been shallow of her at all to turn them down, she has every right to.

-tbh the way the girls are written makes me cringe. they Deserve Better I think. anyway tbh if a girl came up to me being that rude,, im not saying paulina was RIGHT to lead danny on, but like. I can't be super mad at her for it...sam was bein. hm. rude. and in paulinas little teenager brain thought that was the fastest way to get back at her I guess, by taking the guy she may or may not be crushing on?? I just hate unnecessary rivalry between girls in shows. anyway. glad she did attempt to apologize near the end anyway. I do get that a lot of kids shows have the protags being shitty to teach a moral lesson later and show them apologizing. it still rubbed me the wrong way.

-Was also rolling my eyes at Sam's 'the gorilla needs to be FREE!!' like girl realistically if theres two left,, itll be a huge poaching target, its better to keep it with professionals so it can lead a long, healthy enriched life, and so we can have a lot of footage to teach future generations about so we at least have the memory/history preserved as well as possible! zoos and nature preserves and such can be good. focus on, idk, taking down sea world or smth. (also, the fact it turned out to be a girl gorilla,, and no one noticed until Danny got An Eyeful...of course it would have to be. you cant just tell kids watching this show that theres two male gorillas and theyll DIE FOREVER AND GO EXTINCT AFTER THAT. I GUESS??? but showing danny possessing people is fine. gotcha)

-I liked skulkers design A Lot. it (funnily enough with the episode involving an actual gorilla-) reminded me of the way the gorillaz band got drawn early on. I think its the eyes.

-the voice actor for the box ghost sounded SO familiar. so I went to his IMBD originally thinking he HAD to be a voice actor on ed edd n eddy. THIS GUY HAS VOICE ACTED IN EVERY CARTOON I GREW UP WITH. SO MANY CARTOONS AND ANIMATED MOVIES. funnily enough he was in ed edd n eddy like i thought but in a very very minor role of one of the parents?? I think I just assumed he had to have voiced something I used to watch a lot of. actually, hes voice acted everything, ever. and has been since the 80s, and still does today. Crazy. https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0667326/ LOOK AT THIS MAN'S TALENT.

-box ghost has the right idea tho. I wanna haunt a fed ex truck and get that rush of Open Packages Serotonin for my whole afterlife. king shit. (I also just love very silly villains and this show is checking boxes for me. love the monster of the week format stuff)

-did valerie actually cancel on tucker,, or did the boys just lie to take sam to the dance. that seems so unfair to val but we never SAW unless I was looking away. valerie u deserve a date sweetie i am SO sorry. if u already made a commitment to valerie I think sam can take HERSELF TBH. she wanted to be passive aggressive about the dance, it couldve been a lesson in 'just say what you want and dont expect your friends to be mindreaders' lol

-'boys hugging makes every year book funny' TOP 10 SAM HOMOPHOBIC MOMENTS?? let them cuddle while they nap girl wtf. I KNOOOW I know this is how a lot of cartoons were written in the early 2000s but I hate it.

-tucker being freaked out by the cute ghost girl wanting to dance with him at the dance?? no sir. you WANTED A GIRL TO WANT TO DANCE WITH YOU!! and your best friend is half ghost!! tucker top ten ghostphobic moments!!! (also, her having a dragon amulet is a BONUS. coward)

-danny can just. possess people. ALRIGHT! casually terrifying. love that.

#tldr: jazz is best girl so far #and im the kids new dad! #sanchoyorambles #danny phantom #long post #dp thoughts

[spnshameblog]

I wish Jensen was as horrified by people shipping Dean with his brother as he seems to be over Destiel.

i'm not gonna lie, i have bad feelings, too. i think that jensen has done a lot of things that have led to lgbt/queer kids feeling invalidated and he has given a lot of people ammunition to bully us over fictional ships. i also think that was entirely unintentional, but that doesnt make it better.

i gotta be honest, i take a lot of the info out there with several grains of salt, especially unverified stuff and fan stories. people like to lie on the internet. (i remember a few years ago someone made up chris evans having a panic attack at a convention and cevans himself had to clear that up bc concerned fans kept messaging him) i know he doesnt like talking about destiel at cons and the few times he did pre-despair werent that positive.

i think bc his first real exposure to shipping was w*ncest he mentally equated shipping to fetishisation and hes not the only one. you can tell from a lot of comments that other actors (sometimes even misha) think fanfic is all about smut and that its mostly written by horny straight women aged 16 to 45. which is incorrect and hurtful, but ok.

the way he talks about the confession scene is jarringly different and enthusiastic. there has been this meet and greet where he got asked a few questions about it and while i, again, like to be sceptical about these types of sources, it does match up with his general behaviour wrg to the confession. i think he genuinely had a change of perspective some time in the later seasons and i dont think he was ever actually horrified by the existence of destiel, but annoyed about his own misinterpretation of what destiel actually meant to the fans. not gonna defend him for that tho, he did contribute to the mistreatment and gaslighting of queer spn fans, even if that was never his intention.

now w*ncest is another thing. it drives me up the wall whenever w*ncest and destiel are in any way put into relation to each other and as much as i love robbie, im fucking mad about them having both of the "ships" in fan fiction in the first place. however: sam and dean CONSISTENTLY react to w*ncest with disgust, confusion and horror, like duh. w*ncest is, iirc, mentioned more times in-universe than destiel as a ship. fan fiction has the only mention of destiel as a fictional ship, whereas w*ncest has been mentioned multiple times before, aka in every episode becky is in. its always portrayed as ridiculous, mostly played for laughs and never taken seriously. to the cast and crew of spn w*ncest is a non-thing bc it disqualifies itself by its own nature. nobody in their right mind (which excludes most w*ncest shippers sadly) would expect them to actually put i//ncest on screen. its easier to joke about this, simply because its so ridiculous.

i think jensen and co dont see w*ncest itself as a 'danger', thats why they never talk about how disgusted they are by it, its a foregone conclusion. it cannot be treated seriously bc its simply too bogus.

destiel however. unless youre a raging homophobe or devout biblical christian there is nothing morally wrong with destiel, which makes it harder to discredit it as a joke, which is why you cant joke about it so easily. not that you should lmao, but i dont claim to know what goes on in these mens heads.

this got way too long so im gonna try to wrap it up:

i think its not that jensen is less horrified by w*ncest than destiel. there would be something really wrong with him if he was. i think he can put w*ncest and all its crazy fans into a box and label it "too ridiculous to care about except when they send my wife rusty nails". i dont claim to know what exactly his problem with destiel was/is, but if i had to make a guess its that he spent a long time misinterpreting what destiel actually was and just treated it as another outlet for horny teens, which i wont defend him for. i think he really mellowed out on that front, but kept his grumpy persona for a while (hes clearly not uncomfortable with ppl thinking thoughts about him and misha in situations or else he wouldnt act like THAT at cons tho, so idk). His positive and enthusiastic comments surrounding the confession and his open-ness about dean reciprocating (which is still a cop out, ngl. idc if he said he didnt want it to be one) ESPECIALLY compared to his glacial silence surrounding the finale show me that he is not at all disgusted or horrified by destiel.

tl;dr this man is an enigma to me and there are a couple of things i hold against him, but i truly dont think he is horrified by destiel.

#ask #anon #im so fucking sorry for this dissertation nobody asked for #incest mention #m

[angelhummel]

I’m gonna work you hard!! Do the season 4 episodes that you haven’t answered! (And if you chose Kurt as best character, you have to pick a second fave. :) lol

alsfjskl love you for adding the fine print of not being able to only pick kurt lmao. "luckily" for me he wasn't up to a terrible lot in s4 so i probably wouldn't have picked him anyway ;P

Thanksgiving -

My favorite song: when i tell you it's "let's have a kiki/turkey lurkey time"... i am not joking even a little bit. homeward bound/home is a close second tho

My favorite quote: "It's thanksgiving and it's sectionals, and i miss you like crazy, and i can't stand not talking to you even though i'm mad at you, because you're still my best friend"

My favorite moment: Klaine's phone call! of course. and all the loft shenanigans, as usual

My least favorite moment: the stuff with the graduates is pretty boring, even tho this is the one time it makes sense for them all to be back lol. the santana/marley stuff would've been interesting if it didn't devolve into rehashing quinntana's tired high school drama. im over it lol. also unique mentions her parents wanting to send her to conversion camp and we just gloss right over that (:

My favorite character: Marley. rip

Sadie Hawkins -

My favorite song: maybeee Tell Him

My favorite quote: Conspiracy theories make my lips get all chapped

My favorite moment: all the pretty dresses this ep. the boys' and girls' respective group performances. kurt being at nyada. and getting attention from an upperclassman. even tho...

My least favorite moment: baby got back is one of the worst performances ever on the show. also kurt's best gay "as long as you're happy uwu and i have a white noise machine wocka wocka" like shut up. ummm tina thinks she can get with blaine, puck is dating a sophomore... this ep is weird. oh also another line from brittany about eating literal trash lol

My favorite character: Brody. I want to see his audition for Magic Mike The Musical

Feud -

My favorite song: there's so many good ones this ep. maybe bye bye bye/i want it that way. it slaps

My favorite quote: It doesn't matter what you see. You don't get to decide for me.

My favorite moment: uhh the performances are pretty good. it's pretty funny. love seeing blaine and jake suspended with ropes, that's cool. and obviously santana taking rachel to the doctor and then their hug afterwards

My least favorite moment: psycho finn hiding in a hotel room in order to confront and beat up brody. will acting less mature than his damn students. and ryder being transphobic for a hot minute BUT he did realize the errors of his ways and apologized so he's not the worst one here

My favorite character: is there anyone worth rooting for this ep?? maybe Blaine and Sam. They concocted that little plan of theirs. That didn't go anywhere but...

Sweet Dreams -

My favorite song: this is one of my least faves ever and the music doesn't help :P i guess outcast bc marley wrote it and it's a group number

My favorite quote: "I was thinking about my friends. How I wouldn't be the person I am today, standing in front of you, doing what I'm doing right now if they hadn't shown me that I could. If they hadn't believed in me"

My favorite moment: steampunk!tina. and unique, sam, and blaine singing marley's song with her was cute

My least favorite moment: the funny girl stuff is so boring and it's barely even started. i hate college finn he's even grosser than usual. also omg the line about "it's like everyone has ptsd or something" after the literal school shooting omg

My favorite character: Marley! I'm glad she got to show off her original songs

#glee #glee episode ask #asks #answered #my thoughts #season 4 #episode: thanksgiving #4x08 #episode: sadie hawkins #4x11 #episode: feud #4x16 #episode: sweet dreams #4x19 #1908jmd

[t-underneaththeradardancing]

not my and -

other poetry - i - come across daily - steal it mostly 

so i come to - this and wtf i wonder - about - unbroken mirrors - fear - birdsong - still havent really today - a couple chirps ty for feeding - saw a crow nest building imma think - one of mine - this morning flashback yah its just about and the air felt - im fine wait im not that bad but imma guy - sometimes a fine is just a cigar - imma doin stuff sposed to last  and make plans as best - and wtf is wrong w buying birdseed sound og to me 

havin fun w snippets - thing iz - loading vids more than a minnit takes so fukken long  - we gonna work on that - raygun sed ketchup wuz a veggie  - apropos of nada  - actually but i dont wanna make fun hurt  feelings - anyway we tawking anchovies and hail caesar - wuz ovid a roman or greek - naw idgaf and lazy - its jest the way of introducing the topic - u know the hearts and flowers and chocolate and nothing wrong w that - i got dead flowers  ( she wanted daffodils and the florist wanna sell roses - literally - thanks mick - no its not his fawlt  - and choc inna cake - she is always well supplied w her fave bars - no heart gift but if i woulda scene sum cute thing yah i woulda 

oh my yes a kitty - she even purr a bit and u know that b special still tho ever more  

so a brake from the idk whatever we duz - we always seems to flurry bizzy run crazy then - u know - life - skool - relationships and she still teenager and fukken right on cue - I SWEAR YOU CANT MAKE THIS SHIT UP  - steely dan - hey nineteen - random fukken play on my fone yearz b4 lol - she b 19 april i think  - she thinks im crazy but im just growing old - lol - but she fukken know “retha u betcha  - speakin of teenz - saw liam and sam yesterday - we b cool - maybe little wary we dont dr no how the next phase gonna - no reel to reel involvement from now  but love and they have a show next saturday  - so anyway  -spamming book in heavy rotation - idk if it amounts to any sales 

its our anniversary waiting on the unpoet - hey lazy af i dont have to remember the world duz it for me - cept at acupuncture someone forgot and has a mad wife - she just text omw and a bee 

sew i guess we rap it up  

its a fukken hallmark holiday - can b fun if u aint single or have a date and aint out of desperate  - and love 

love

is

a 

fukken 

VERB  

#poetry i guess

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

WhatsApp? Part 10. (Steve Rogers x reader)

Description: You’ve never been lucky with guys. You just wanted to catch someone’s eye, to be loved. One day, that’s about to turn completely - with one fake, completely imagined number a guy gave you

A/N: Man I live for Sam Wilson. He’s too much to handle. He’s that chaotic friend for sure.

Word count: 1.9 K

Warnings: Probably like none? Idk.

Tagging: @missdictatorme, @songforhema, @mikariell95, @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory

Read the rest here: Part One  Part Two  Part three  Part four  Part five  Part Six  Part seven  Part eight  Part nine

If you like to have your readings in order :):  H E R E  

You had a deep coma until two p.m. the next morning, unable to move, speak or talk, just laying in your head under the blankets, watching some Audrey Hepburn movies running on the TV.

When you for yourself together and felt like standing up, you took a long shower full of bubbles and nicely smelling cosmetics, then you took the rest of the make-up down. Then, with your stomach still being heavy as fuck, you ordered some food from a near pizza shop. Then, again, you fell down the bed, still looking like a piece of trash.

When your phone rang, you picked it up without even looking at the name on the display. You thought that it's the pizza courier.

"I'm sorry man, I can't even walk. Can you go to the third floor, fifth door? On the back of the hall. You can't miss it." - You growled tiredly like a Golum, sounding really tired.

"If you tell me on which address, I will come. Are you expecting someone?" - You heard Steve's voice from the other side. His voice was breathy, so you knew that he's on his daily jog. You couldn't even know ho terrified he actually was because of the answer. You surely were expecting someone. Some man from yesterdays evening. 

His confidence slowly fell down from hundred to zero seriously fast. And you didn't even have to say or do anything for that matter.

"Yeah, queen Liz will be at my place aaaany minute." - You said quietly, but your fingers started to play with the necklace almost immediately. It was perfect and you never wanted to take it off. - "Just the pizza delivery guy. I'm hungry but too lazy to cook. It really made me tired yesterday."

"You were perfect." - He said breathlessly. Your lips curled into a slight smile. Steve was running around Brooklyn park with a perfectly dreamy look on his face. You two were such dorks - "I could not believe my eyes. You were so close and so full of life, so beautiful... Dear lord."

"Steve, you really knew which one am I? Didn't you look after Deena, May or Suzie? Because you surely are not talking about me." - The breath stuck in your breath and your heart was beating faster and faster. You probably had to stand just a few feet from him. He could basically touch you if he wanted to. And you wished that he have even when you knew that Steve wasn't that kind of a man.

"I was looking at you and only you. And what about that solo with your friend? I liked that. That was funny." - Steve smiled. You only heard yourself giggling and squealing. That made the big man a bit worried. He never heard you do those sounds so loudly. But now you had a serious hungover and you were just happy. There was nothing to hide anymore. - "Are you alright?"

"Yes, yes, I am. I perfectly am. Just... You were there, with me, watching us, maybe even singing and clapping, you gave me that beautiful necklace... And..." - You mumbled with the speed of light. You are so sweet. Steve found it nice to find someone so pure and so happy because of such a small thing which was completely natural for him.

"So you liked it?" - Steve stopped and breathed the six miles he just ran. His thighs and ass were slightly burning, that was a sign of a seriously good work out.

"I... I loved it. I will never take it off, I swear!" - You exclaimed. Your head and body hurt, but Steve has woken you up so much, that you have completely forgotten about that. That was just what Steve did to you daily. - "Also, it was you, am I right?"

"I was what?" - He laughed and you heard as he drank something.

"Ten grand out of our twenty-five? You did it, am I right?" - You smiled. Steve was obviously just a really good, real and honest man who cared about local charities. A good heart with a good soul - Steve obviously wasn't the one who would flex on you with his money. He would never.

"Maybe it was me, maybe it was not me. Do not care about that. I and my lads loved it yesterday so we wanted to let you know. Did you get that note?" - Steve asked, his voice tone suddenly changing from playful to hoping. You froze in one place. The note... THE note.

You must've lost it when you were taking the board from Tony Stark himself. Suddenly, you wanted to cry. It must've been something important for him.

"Oh Steve, I'm so sorry..." - You shuttered and sobbed as you were about to cry. What was the note about?

"Hey. Do not be sad, alright? It's not a big deal at all, Y/N. I'll think about something else, just keep your spirits up, sweetheart."

---

Even tho Steve acted like it was a no big deal, it was a huge one for him. He wrote you a short note, in which he was asking you on a serious date. Sam made him do it because he was so curious about your reaction - old school yes or no note with a date and a location. But you have lost it.

Steve wasn't mad, of course, he wasn't. But he has some high hopes for that. He was crazy about you saying yes, to finally meet you, take you out on a dinner and to be just... With you, your beauty and bright mind.

He was calling you throughout his entire jog and as you ate your pizza. In the end, he truly asked for your friend's number, because Bucky was persistent about getting to know that girl.

"I will hang up. I have a meeting with some friends today, but I can call you in the evening, is that alright?" - Steve stopped in front of his apartment door, adjusting the microphone on his earphones as he was searching for his keys.

"I will hopefully survive today. I will miss you, handsome." - You said in a sweet tone and Steve felt as his knees melt a bit. Now he could imagine your face and expression, your big shiny eyes and beautiful lips curling to a smile. And when Steve closed his eyes, the feeling became even more intense. You were perfect for him.

"Tell me about it. Be safe." - Steve basically purred and got into the apartment. Bucky immediately took notice of his lad and he smiled at Steve. His expression was telling so much without him even saying a word.

"I will, bye." - You sighed lightly and hung up.

"I should take a photo of you." - Bucky joked and when he said a word photo, Sam immediately hurried out of bedroom only in his boxers.

"Ma man just saw some boobs, didn't he?" - Sam clapped cheerfully and Steve just waved him off. Sam and boobs - that could've been an idea for a saga. - "Hope you got the number for Mr. I Will Teach About Jesus. He is just fuckin' persistent because of it."

"Got it. But now we should prepare for that big Avengers evening. Tony will be curious about that ten grand I gave to them." - Steve said cheesily with a laugh.

When he was taking another shower and dressing up, two texts were delivered to his phone. One of them was some Deena's number. Steve figured out that that was your friend's name.

The second one was a cute photo of you - your face, messy hair, slight smile and big eyes looking at him. You had a tank top on to show off your new necklace. The smile was definitely the cutest ever. He immediately needed to show Bucky.

"Yeah. She's... She's just perfect, pal. But I'm more interested in the first text." - Bucky winked. Steve couldn't be mad at him. Bucky always had a thing for girls which radiated that bad girl energy, those nasty ones who could kick his ass. And Deena, as you called her, was surely that type who could show men that she is completely on her own. 

---

The next day Deena yelled and ran to you just when tried to open the door to your office with a serious load of muffins.

“You won't believe anything im going to tell you, girl. Shut up and listen!” - She yelled all over the building and caught both your shoulders in an eager grip. 

“Okay. Stop yelling. I'm listening.” - You laughed to her face, and she rolled her eyes. 

“A man from that evening texted me this morning. Like... If I wanna hang out today.” - Deena whispered. Yeah. Steve informed you that James, his friend, is going to contact Deena. You just didn't expect it so soon. You had the thing going on for a few months and yet you havent seen him. But James asked Deena out instantly. Just like that. 

You were the jealous one at the moment. Yet you got a smile out of your lips which made you appear happy.

“That's awesome. Is he handsome?” - You asked curiously and entered the building with her by your side. You tried to be happy for James hitting his chances off immediately, yet you felt like Steve could it as well. Was it a problem in you, in him, in the universe, or where the fuck it was?

“As fuck. Man, if he lets me be my own woman and if he won't do the top between us just because he’s a man, I think I'm gonna see him again.” - Deena told you with a totally wicked smile and you opened your mouth. 

“That sounds like you’ve started with wedding plans. Can I be the grand-mother of your first child?” - You joked around and Deena stopped you with a gentle touch on your shoulder.

“Hey. I know what's this about. You're angry that James is initiative and Steve is just surrounded with mysteries. But... You know... James can be a jackass and I can tell you hes a complete dick tomorrow. But you and Steve have invested a few months of your life into that relationship you two have. You know each other. You call each other every day. I don't know James at all.” - She said in all seriousness. That's why she was your friend. She knew what was wrong without you even wanted her to. You hugged her tightly because she raised confidence inside of you.

“If James would act like a dick, I will say Steve to beat him the fuck up.” - You promised solemnly with your hand on your heart and entered the office. 

And so Deena and James started dating. And yet you felt like you and Steve were the first ones even if you haven’t seen each other.

#Steve Rogers #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagine #bucky barnes #the winter soldier #sam wilson #the falcon #mcu #captain america

[thrumples]

SPN S15 Live-blogging: Episode 1

spoilers under the cut

- i’m only on the intro. what the FUCK is up with this editing?? - it’s just zooming in on people’s faces with this fuckin wack song playing in the bg - this makes the s14 finale look like a joke - ok here we actually go - 1:49– it opens on jack’s burnt out eyes that’s fucking disgusting - 1:55– im sorry i really can’t take this seriously with this song asfkskskshsdhskskjlsh - 2:40– bro wtf how strong is cas?? he just Yoinked jack’s body up off the ground with like no effort - man i. i really can’t take this shit seriously with this song - 3:13– ok we finally got to the intro. i actually kinda like this title card, it’s very glowy - 3:30– askfhsks these zombies are just. Striding right up to the crypt door. no dramatic stumbling or anything they’re literally just walking. they are making some neat zombie noises tho - i miss when this show used to be good - 4:27– i forgot to turn my subtitles on until now and then was smacked in the face with “cass” - 5:31– what is up with this random camera zooming - 5:54– dean stop shouting - i got so used to the wonderful writing of good omens that i got kinda knocked off my feet here with how much this show has gone downhill - 7:02– WOAH HANG ON HANG HANG ON JACK WTF ARE YOU DOING - “hello!” BRUH IM LOSING IT - he’s a DEMOn AKDHAJSGSNSISGAKHSKBSKH - 8:01– “my name is Belphegor” bruh WHAT is going ON - “you’re an abomination with that stupid dumb trench coat” he’s not wrong the olive green makes him look terrible - 8:35– those sunglasses, i can’t take him seriously in those sunglasses man - 9:50– *angrily* “we are not twinsies” i really didn’t think i’d hear cas say that - bel looks like he just came back from the area 51 raid - 11:10– oh they’re all dead! fun - 11:38– bruh that transition i can’t even deal with this goddamn show anymore - 11:52– this is not how regular teenage girls talk to each other - 11:56– tHats not how cellphones work either - 12:16– “divorce is awesome” - 12:43– when did this show start getting worse? i think it was season 6 - it certainly keeps getting even worse - i feel like i’m watching riverdale - also what’s up with all these disney ads - 13:48– the subtitles call him Bel and since i can’t remember or pronounce his actual name that’s the only way i’m gonna refer to him from now on - 14:42– ooh! red paint! - 14:48– whoever is in charge of the music for this show should be fired - 15:22– AW HELL YEAH WOMAN IN WHITE WE GOIN BACK TO THE PILOT EPISODE BABEY - 15:46– why does jared constantly look like he’s about to start crying - 16:17– that is a BIG ASS GARAGE - 17:00– i feel like that kid should be freaking out a whole lot more than she actually is - like she’s just kinda crying, if i was in that situation i would be curled up in a ball on the floor screeching - 17:31– this feels like a car ad - 17:45– sir please stop snarling you’re making me uncomfortable - also is he wearing a sock on his head? - 18:25– well fuck that i guess we don’t get to see what happens - 18:54– crowley jr - 19:53– can bel, like,,,, see? he doesn’t have eyes but he saw dean put the gun away,,, - 20:10– “so people are like, crazy good-looking now, huh?” bel you’ve just become my new fav demon - 20:19– dean that was the exact same reaction i had - 20:46– is bel bi - 21:15– “he was our kid” - idek what i wanted to write for that i just wanted to put that down - 21:53– yknow sam most people don’t like it when you just. open their doors and come in with a shotgun - also why are these people leaving their doors unlocked - 22:07– these houses are extremely cookie-cutter, they have the same furniture and everything - also wtf is up with these random pulsating noises i can’t tell if it’s supposed to be a heartbeat or not - 22:37– oh look more red paint - wait is this the house with the sockhead clown? - 23:04– so the ghosts just kinda. only showed up in this one specific town huh - don’t some of them have relics that they’re supposed to be attached to? - also this is completely off track but uhh WHO REMEMBERS THAT GHOST FROM SEASON 1 THAT THEY TRAPPED IN THE SEWER BUT NEVER KILLED?? BC THAT MF IS STILL FUCKIN THERE - 23:22– bloody mary just looks like she’s wearing a shitty Party City costume - 23:53– bruh how did those two get up onto that shelf in the time before the clown got into the garage?? - also how long have they been up there?????? - OH SHIT THE CLOWN i definitely didn’t see this coming - /s - 24:36– oh shit sam actually got cut - also quit singing dude you’re off-key - 24:47– AYY CAS COMIN IN TO SAVE SAM’S ASS - hang on my subtitles stopped working - 25:22– “move your exquisite ass Please” - 25:45– oh we got s4 references - 26:30– “wait every door? even the cage?” WHAT - WAIT HANG ON - THAT MEANS - ADAM!!!!!! - 27:07– alright cas i’m pretty sure you just completely shifted this woman’s spirituality - 27:30– sam you can’t just talk about shooting god in front of other people - 28:00– uhhhh eXcuse mE was that DEMON SAMMY - sam: receives a mortal wound that contains properties he’s never seen before - also sam: “i’m fine” - 28:43– oh no something’s about to happen to this poor sheriff - 28:48– I HATE IT WHEN IM RIGHT - 29:27– goddamnit what is up with these stupid pulsating noises?? - bel: sees dead body - bel: “cool” - also i’ve gotten the same migrane medication ad like three times while watching this - 30:05– i guess you could technically call this town a ghost town now - 30:54– lmao that throw looked Super fuckin fake - 31:01– *menacingly shimmies toward ghost with shotgun* - 31:03– “it’s okay, it’s just one ghost” how do i know that something’s gonna grab that kid and drag her right into that pond - 31:26– ASJSHSKHJSYBKSJSK cas just looks so pissed off about being shot - 31:40– local demon thinks he can deter a spirit by saying “bad ghost” - 32:16– well technically i was wrong and right bc something came out of the pond but it grabbed the mom - also is this kid okay? - 32:36– bel says “anime” - 34:14– hey sam maybe you should check how many shotgun shells you have left before you try to take on 4 ghosts at once - better yet why don’t you RUN OVER THE LINE WHERE THEY CAN’T KILL YOU - 35:02– ghost: *screams in sam’s face bc it’s mad that it’s stuck* - sam: “shut up” - my video quality just hella dropped in the middle of an ad break i hope this doesn’t last - nvm it’s cause i’m on the wrong internet lmao hang on a sec - 36:23– why does no one let cas do anything - 36:38– are they about to kiss - 36:45– nope dean just wanted to be a dick - bel says what we’re all thinking - 37:48– can we like. make sam get an x-ray or something to see if the bullet is still in his arm - 37:58– dean you are spilling that disinfectant All over the car trunk - 39:04– dean’s getting existential - 39:52– sam: “for the first time, it’s just us” - cas: do i look like a joke to you - also i think my subtitles are broken - 40:46– AYY MORE PILOT FLASHBACKS

final thoughts: that was,,, kind of a lot better than i thought it would be? the first ten minutes were kinda shit but then Bel showed up and absolutely made my day

#spn #spn spoilers #spn season 15 #supernatural #supernatural season 15 #season 15 spoilers #spn season 15 spoilers #i really gotta draw Bel now

[papistark]

Okay. I’ve allowed a night to let everything sink in. I’m ready to talk about Endgame now.

*cinemasins voice* spoilers!! (duh..)

so the wounds are still fresh. v v v v v v v v v fresh. but my thoughts during the entire movie were just OMG IM TRYING TO REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE THING THAT IS HAPPENING SO I CAN REMEMBER IT AS LONG AS POSSIBLE BEFORE i inevitably go see this movie again

This is what the movie reduce me to like 99% of the time btw

now, I’m gonna try and break this up to be as organized as possible into 4 main sections which will be general thoughts, the highs, the lows, and closing thoughts. that may sound organized but I promise it won’t be and as always I’ll have to use bullet holes to even stay relatively "organized"

I'm sure I'm leaving stuff out that I either loved or would wanna discuss but tbh the ENTIRE FILM i was just like GOD I WANNA REMEMBER THIS FOREVER!! Every scene that happened i was like god there's still 3 hours of stuff that's going to happen but I want to remember it all!!!

Overall

this movie was good. and i’m mad it was so good and i found it so enjoyable for how dirty they did me. The pacing was pretty well done for a first viewing, but I'm sure after a couple rewatches I'll get caught up on the occasional misstep in the pacing and general direction the story took, but I really liked it!!

I thought the Thor stuff was kinda distasteful and honestly a joke that ran too long. Like ha ha okay we get it but also? He went through so much fucking trauma can we just lay off him? Damn? I don't wanna linger too much on it bc honestly the more I think about it the more I get upset the russos did him dirty

all the callbacks??? made me so emotional????? eleven years and almost two dozen films guys holy fucking shit it felt like such a good homage to bring stuff back

Yo literally when they went up to busted ass thanos i leaned over to my bf and whispered "are they just gonna kill thanos in the first ten minutes is that allowed" and uh YEP! WOW

Also the opening scene being Clint's family getting dusted... gasps in my theater y'all they went in hard on us

TIME HEIST!!!!!! FUCK marvel knows how to take you on a fun journey!! The concept was so fun!!

I also appreciate them mixing up the plot a bunch to keep us guessing!! Like fuck, when Thanos was finding out through Nebula... future nebula talking to past gamora i was SO SOFT... sisters...

Hulk was... weird. It felt a weird kind of fanservicey for a little bit, and honestly a little out of place? But. Eh. Wasn't the worst part. Certain parts of it were fun! I think I got used to it haha

Everyone looked. So good. After the time jump. Damn. Thank you make up department for everyone's new looks. I live for silver fox tony always.

I loved seeing Loki again i know it was so little content BUT I DONT CARE I'LL ALWAYS LOVE MY FUCKING PRINCE

We didn't get as much Nebula and Tony content as I was hoping but god it was so cute and tender in the beginning. Imagine all that bonding. Nebula finding tony on the floor, knowing he's on the brink of death, and propping him up in the seat :'(((( tony helping fix nebula :(((( the father daughter relationship we deserved and didn't get to see come to fruition.

AMERICA'S ASS. THANK YOU SCOTT LANG.

All the New York flash back was so fucking fun. The elevator scene. Brilliant. I really thought they were gonna recreate but it was such a fun tease. Also cap making fun of his past self for saying "i could do this all day" I SCREAM why do the Russo's get steve so well

Carol taking a direct punch in the face from Thanos without even flinching? We stan a goddess

ALSO SHORT HAIRED CAROL YESSSS I LIVED!!!!! YES!!!! (But also that movie could've used like way more Carol thats just mY OPINION)

Also AGAIN, I DON'T CARE THAT IT WAS FAN SERVICE, STEVE WEILDING MJOLNIR WAS E V E R Y T H I N G. They have TEASED US since that one middle avengers movie we don't talk about that he was worthy and!!! Our!! Son!! Is!! Fucking!!! Worthy. And the scene of thor making him swap w/ him "you get the little one" i screamed bitch

also I was living for how much Steve swore in this film lol literally fuck joss Whedon's characterization we don't know her!

Valkyrie on a Pegasus thank you THANK YOU i was living

That entire final action scene..... holy fucking shit y'all. It was just crazy enough without being too crazy. I loved the callback to the original long continuous shot

THE HEAVENS OPENED UP AND SANG WITH THAT A-FORCE SCENE. YES. ALL THE MARVEL LADIES LINING UP. THEY ARE HERE AND THEY ARE THE STRONGEST OF US ALL. A-FORCE. FUCKING A-FORCE. Thank you Russo's for my LIFE

Carol's little "hi peter parker :)" god i love them. I love peter. My fucking spider son. I missed him so much. I missed Tom Holland's sweet peach little face AH I CRIED WHEN HE SHOWED BACK UP

Also last kind of ~general~ thought i know i don't get time travel at all and it is an instant way to confuse me in any franchise but wouldn't steve doing what he did fuck literally everything up idk we'll get to steve in a bit

Highs

morgan

H.

fucking

stark

I CAN’T BELIEVE I GOT FED WITH SUCH GOOD TONY CONTENT THIS FILM ONLY FOR THEM TO STOMP ON MY HEART LMAOOO

DAD TONY BEING AS LOVING AND DOTING AND SWEET AND TENDER W/ HIS DAUGHTER AS WE ALL HAVE HEADCANONED HIM TO BE FOR YEARS!!!

TONY GETTING HIS JUSTIFICATION IN BEING MAD not just mad but PISSED at Cap for how everything fell out. catharsis. felt good scoob.

speaking of good tony content of course i need to just take a moment to YELL ABOUT STONY thank you russos for the fan service thank you for having tony ogle and comment on steve rogers’ ass it almost makes up for all the pain and suffering

btw do y’all think the H. for Morgan’s middle name stands for Harley because I LIKE TO THINK SO

also am i lowkey annoyed that like half of viewers won’t recognize an adult ty simpkin at tony’s funeral at the end even tho i know i shouldn't be because ot everyone is a die hard BUT half the articles im looking up for reviews and shit of that scene literally all the results are “SO WHO IS THAT KID AT THE END OF ENDGAME” YOU FUCKING FOOLS IT’S TONY’S FIRST BORN SON HARLEY KEENER FROM IRON MAN 3. FUCKS. im getting off topic anyway i was just happy they brought him back because I am an iron man 3 enthusiast and his relationship with tony was SO important and this confirms that at the very least tony kept in contact with him over all these years!!! and he wasn’t just some insignificant blip

Not to be stony on main but steve being the first person to hold Tony again once he was back on earth :)))) wrow.

Also the first thing tony telling him being "I lost the kid" WOW BREAK MY HEART MORE HUH!! WHY NOT!!

The first thing Peter doing when he saw Tony again :'') just rambling about everything that happened and tony just so happy to see him alive and hugging him so tight I'M NOT FINE!! NOTHING WILL EVER BE FINE AGAIN!!!

I appreciated the closure with Howard like?? A lot?? I'm the last person to be a Howard stark apologist, but I think his character and his relationship w/ Tony and how Tony viewed him as a father and as a man was so well crafted throughout the series??? Idk I liked that scene it was good to my baby.

And now a pOSSIBLY CONTROVERSIAL~~ opinion but..... I loved Steve's ending. I really did. I thought he got a beautiful and fitting ending and I was so happy. It meant so much especially to hear his reasonging being that in a way, he did it for Tony. He was inspired by what Tony told him. He saw Tony get his happy ending and for so many films now Steve has been searching for that and he missed an entire life. Tony helped him realize that. It just made me!! So emo!! Like Bucky's face when he knew Steve wasn't gonna be coming back. Steve's last convo w/ Sam. It was just amazing. I can't believe I'm seeing hot takes from people calling Steve selfish or blaming the fact that the Russos have a boner for Steggy or whatever. Who cares!!! Steve got his happy ending and it was well deserved and a wonderful arc!! Lay off him bc you ship him w/ Bucky or tony more damn!!!! (Idk about the timeline y'all dont come for me i really have no idea i think the Russos just said fuck it for that one even when talking about not fucking up the timeline)

Lows

Natasha deserved better. She did. I understand why they took her character arc the way that they did, and honestly, this is the first time I've felt we've seen Natasha have even a modicum of actual character traits since like, Iron man 2 and Avengers 1. She found purpose in keeping the family together and trying to help the people left living, while never stopping or losing contact with anyone else in their endeavors to fix what Thanos broke. As tired as I am of seeing a female character die for ~man pain~ this felt like so much more than that. In the end Nat wanted to sacrifice herself for the greater good, and that's what she did. I'm still fucking upset though, even though they've butchered her character across almost all the films she's been in

Thor being turned into an entire fucking joke. That's it. I got nothin left for the writers at this point.

So..... let's talk about Tony's death, shall we

"You can rest now" broke me. It truly did. I've never loved any fictional character across any medium as much as I have loved Tony Stark. But Pepper's line at the beginning "you'll sleep, but will you rest?" Is so fucking telling. I think I immediately knew for sure in that moment. Because she's right. And that's the worst part.

Peter :)))) finally :)))) calling :))))) tony :)))) by :)) his :)))) first :)) name :))) as he was dying :)))) asking him not to go the same way he told tony he didn't want to go when he was getting dusted GOD. AND WE THOUGHT THAT SCENE IN INFINITY WAR WAS ROUGH. HAD N O T H I N G ON THIS.

No offense but where was Rhodey when Tony was dying lmao ok

That funeral scene.... seeing everyone there drawn together..... god. It was beautiful. It really was.

Of course I'm not happy. I'm extremely fucking upset. I knew tony wielding the gauntlet would be coming, but I thought they would find a way for him to make it out alive. As soon as they were showing that even the hulk couldn't handle it with the gamma radiation, I knew the nail was going to be in the coffin.

All that aside... what I can say, is that if they HAD to kill him off, I think it was a proper send off. We saw so many arcs of Tony's come to a close, and I knew it was just a matter of time. Also that being said, I really don't believe in death being necessary to end a character's arc. Yeah yeah blah blah we get the sad and tragic but TRUE message that at the end of the day death is inevitable and that tony had to sacrifice himself for the greater good. He and Strange both knew it, and as soon as Strange held up that finger I knew that was it for him.

It wouldn't be so hard if they hadn't given us everything they did with tony after the 5 year jump. He healed. He was HAPPY. But pepper was right, and as long as Tony was alive... he would never truly /rest/. And that's the only way I'm able to make peace with this death. Tony has always been a character who was just going going going, never going to stop even if it killed him, all to protect the ones he loved, and protect the whole world and make it a better place. He had a beautiful story that was told so well over these past eleven years, with admitted shortcomings here and there. He had the most cohesive trilogy films, the best character development and arcs, and an incredible portrayal. I'm grateful for it, but that doesn't make it any easier that they decided to go and show us that Tony was able to FINALLY settle down with Pepper and see him find the best version of himself as a husband to her and a father to his little baby girl. A baby girl that now has to grow up without her dad, and pepper has to go on without her husband, the love of her life. It's fucking tragic and honestly, we didn't need that imho lmao

The hardest parts is that like.... idk. I feel like the only reason they killed him is for shock factor, but somehow without the shock? A lot of us felt or were worried that this was coming. I think the russos and co. We're just totally set on the idea that like... tony HAD to die and that was the only way for this arc to come to a close not just WITHIN the universe, but meta, outside of the MCU as well. They did the same thing with Hugh jackman as Logan and that shit HURTED me y'all. Eleven years we had RDJ give us this amazing character and he is the SOLE reason the MCU is where it is today. So you know what, the Russo's and everyone can circle jerk about how much ~poetic justice~ there is in this ending for Tony, but at the end of the day... it just ain't it fam.

Realistically I know after wielding the infinity stones there is no way Tony, a human, could've survived, even with his armor on. I knew that. And as biased as I am towards seeing Tony living, if he had wielded the stones and NOT died? It would've felt cheap. So again, if they had to end his life, I appreciate the way they did it and thought it was the best send off they could've given him. I also would've appreciated some kind of alternate option where oh i dont know carol or someone strong enough could've handled the snap and tony could live the rest of his days with his wife and daughter and found family but..... ig that's just me huh.

:(((( Happy asking Morgan what she wanted and her saying "cheeseburgers" SHE'S JUST LIKE HER DADDY I AM SO!!! UPSET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And last thought is that I fucking cried AGAIN because the biggest applause moment was during the credits when RDJ's name appeared. My theater gave a standing damn ovation. Also the very last sound after it faded to black... Tony hammering away, building the very first Iron Man suit.... that shit hurted.

If any of y'all read this and wanna yell about stuff w/ me I WELCOME YOU INTO MY DMS LMAO PLS MESSAGE ME I NEED MORE PEOPLE TO CRY WITH!!!

#avengers spoilers #endgame spoilers #avengers endgame #endgame #have my classic word vomit long ass post after a marvel movie mess of a review lmaoo #long post

[luviebear]

GOT SPOILERS!

I’m gonna rant & share my thoughts because my partner can’t stand me talking about GoT anymore.

So even though season 8 of Game of Thrones was disappointing, I’m fucking tired of these people complaining about every single thing about it. “This was the worst episode of the season” for every episode since the battle of winterfell?? I thought the first two episodes were kind of good, we needed the reunion episode and then the next episode that made us love the characters before they made us believe they’d die in Ep. 3.

To everyone that says Jon deserved better, shut the fuck up. That man did not want the iron throne. He did not want to be King in the North. He did not want to be Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. So if you watch the episode again, you can see he is clearly happy going back to Tormund and Ghost like he wished before the last war. He just didn’t deserve having to kill Dany but it had to be done or they would’ve still had a war to fight and im sure he’s tired of war.

Disappointed that Daenerys is dead? Gonna riot? You should’ve expected it after she slaughtered an entire city that already surrendered. The Lannister Army didn’t even fight! They dropped their swords beforehand. Almost every batshit crazy character has been killed by someone. The Mad King was stabbed in the back. Joffrey was poisoned. Ramsey was eaten alive by hounds. But (thankfully because she’s my favorite) Cersei didn’t. And I find funny seeing them complain that Dany never got to sit on the throne. Maybe that was the point? Also I find it ironic how Cersei and Dany, the women who desired the throne (despite Cersei already on it) never ended up on it. So therefore, no one won.

Also a lot of people are disappointed that Bran is King. When Tyrion asked if he’d be King, he said “why do you think I came all this way?” So it’s confusing since he didn’t want to be Lord of Winterfell. Maybe he knew he’d be king? But I always thought he couldn’t tell the future. And I guess it kind of fits that he’s King because no one else wanted it. Tyrion would’ve never wanted to rule, he’s just better at guiding from the sidelines. Sansa cared more about the North and became Queen. Arya had no desire to rule so she does what she wants and goes out to discover America (poor Gendry tho).

But I’m pretty okay with all of it. Sam is a fucking Grandmaester like he wanted. Brienne gets to serve a king as a named knight. Bronn gets his castle and is lord of the wealthiest kingdom. Daavos is still there to be the voice of reason like always. I thought that scene with them all together was funny and heartwarming because it feels like it’s all back to normal especially from all the chaos that happened the past few seasons. And they don’t even have to make a throne because Bran has his own seat. And I’m glad the iron throne is no longer there. The ones who desired it became greedy and destructive.

Don’t complain that it was rushed either because what do you expect when it was only 6 episodes? Maybe if it was a few hours instead of an extra 20 minutes, it would’ve been better but there are still so many questions to be answered and there wasn’t enough room for all that. Yes it would’ve been nice to see how Sansa and Arya reacted to Aegon or how everyone reacted to Dany’s death but that stuff just had to be left out.

I’m gonna miss Game of Thrones for sure. I watched it at 14 and now I’m 21. I’ve never been so attached to a show (& the book series). Especially one that helped me realize that writing and filmmaking are my true passions. Now that it’s ended, it’s like my heart and soul have been ripped away because I definitely cried for a straight hour afterwards. But at least the series isn’t gone forever, I hope the prequel is just as good and I hope one day they make one about Aegon’s conquest.

Farewell, GoT.

#game of thrones #got #got s8 #jon snow #daenerys targaryen #sansa stark #arya stark #tyrion lannister #jaime lannister #cersei lannister #got final season #a song of ice and feels #my watch has ended #literally

[readbythestarlight]

c2e36

So this will be 10 episodes since the one where we lost Molly. Just throwing that out there.

Also it’s apparently my 9 (NEIN) month anniversary for being subbed to G&S which means it’s also my 9 month anniversary for watching CR and also the show has been going for 9 months as of the 11th so. That’s cool.

I like that jacket, Sam.

Broadway advert lol

“Andrew Loyd Website”

“I could have backed up all night” and “I’ve grown accustomed to her encryption” I’m dead

Okay that was hands down Sam’s best ad he’s so goddamn creative

NEW YORK NEW YORK I’m so excited I loved the last live show

A SLEEVES ARE BULLSHIT SHIRT?!

I need it

Oh wait it doesn’t actually say sleeves are bullshit

I still love the shirt tho and I want one

And the bumper sticker

“It makes it sound bad when you say it like that” guys it WAS bad xD

Poor Caduceus is having an Experience

Cad: “You keep leaving”

Y: “They keep finding me”

Cad: “I think you might have the right idea”

THE FUCK? NO

guys you need to convince Caduceus to sTAY

HE’S ALIVE?!

HE HAS AN AXE IN HIS HEAD

Oh no don’t get Cad he’s sad and tired right now

I mean y’all almost left him behind which was crummy

Caleb really wanted to yank that axe out

Also how does healing work? Like does the guy have permanent brain damage in the are where the axe wrecked now? If it had hit somewhere vital to like, say, memory, would his memory be gone? Enquiring minds want to know.

When Caleb tries to be intimidating it both makes me laugh but also freaks me out a little

I LOVE when Matt has cool props

So does Travis lol

J: “Have you heard of THE Traveler”

Galen: “���.Oh no not another one”

Nott and Jester building up Galen like “no no you’re totally special!!!”

“Missed all the major organs” sAM xD

“The Mist…ake” I’m crying

lol promoting this guy to first mate I’m crying

“We got a new pet!”

“Let’s call him Professor Thadeus the second!”

They forgot they had someone tied to the mast too what nerds

They cut up his nice shirt xD

I adore that Travis has totally got the islands and shit memorized so he can be super in-character

Also Cad is being too quiet it’s making me sad

Caleb The Navigator

Captain Fjord

First Mate Galen

Oh oh oh they should have a guest to come aboard and sail with them

Oh noooo they left the magic invisible cart

YES THANK YOU MATT y’all need to talk to Caduceus thank you Matt for pointing out that poor Taliesin has been silent for 30 minutes

Oh no have they somehow fucked over Cad’s mission?

I’m curious about this. Because obviously Taliesin knew this was exactly how the M9 were, so I can’t believe that he would have made Cad to be wholly incompatible with them.

He’s feeling really low and lost I think it’s time for a group hug

Him almost dying really freaked him out (and I think it really freaked Taliesin out too)

I’M HAVING A LOT OF FEELINGS RIGHT NOW WITH JESTER AND CADUCEUS YOU GUYS

Caduceus is the ship’s cook

Mmm Beau is starting to feel like Caleb is trying too hard to excuse the bad things they do

I think the dock thing was a disaster for sure but I don’t think it was necessarily that they REALLY did anything wrong?

I’m not sure what exactly Beau is feeling bad about? Like freeing the genie wasn’t wrong, the boat thing was a mistake built on bad choice but it wasn’t them being inherently bad, and they didn’t kill Algar, so?

Ah, she’s feeling like she didn’t leave Nicodranus better than she found it

I like this whole “why didn’t we try to talk it out first” thing because it’s nice that two of them are having some moral conflicts. I also like what it says about Fjord and Beau as far as character development.

I mean I don’t think boiling it down to “like we were justified in our actions” really covers what Caleb said. He did say they could have handled things a lot better, but that they did what they had to to survive a situation they could have but didn’t handle better.

“I don’t want to drive you guys away” BEAUUUU my heart

Yasha staring off south “looking for a storm”

Caduceus cooking for the group is literally just my favorite thing. They totally needed a group member who could like make them slow down and eat and just like… take care of themselves, even just for the length of the meal.

Beau went from “I’m sorry for killing these guys” to “fuck those guys they’re dead anyway let’s smear their name”

We should not split up

There’s no way any of this could go wrong

Awwww Caleb showing Nott the stars and planets so sweet

SEE Caleb understands that things went horribly wrong. I honestly think he’s just trying to keep their spirits’ up.

Nott honey you don’t have to be okay with him using suggestion, I understand you both admire and need him but you can be mad at him

“Nott is a one-earther”

Have I mentioned how much I love Caduceus?

Fjord’s just like “please tell me you mean you talk to alive grieving people and not the dead people”

Oh no

They’re coming for them

You should NOT go back

Sam is like “why the fuck are we going back” and I agree so hard

Fjord should not stay on the ship Nott is right

N: “Oh, oh, what other languages do you speak?!”

J: “I speak Infernal”

Everyone cracks up

Oh this is going to be another disaster

Although I guess the guard guys wouldn’t be expecting them to immediately come back?? Maybe??

“YOU’RE THE SAILOR GUY THIS IS YOUR WHOLE EPISODE” lol sam

“I’m gonna bake, fuck it” I LOVE CAD

“I look like Captain Crunch btw” I’m crying can’t breathe omg

Except isn’t the captain dead lol

“Unknown do-gooders” well that wasn’t the reputation I expected

UH HEY I HOPE MARION DIDN’T HEAR ABOUT THE BLUE SKINNED TIEFLING KILLING HERSELF

These lies are getting more and more ridiculous

“The little devil girl who drowned a hundred years ago” Taliesin and the idea of a ghost story is just… so perfect.

Beau stop xD

If this ghost story isn’t in campaign 3 someday I’m gonna cry

I’m so glad that Orli is coming along

They hired the tortle! :D

Nott is really being adorable with the “we are a team and you are important” thing. Obvious, but adorable.

Taliesin wanted ghost stories and now we’re getting islands people avoid because strange ancient unnatural stuff

Okay quick aside but this conversation with Yasha and Caduceus makes me think — I love how there’s this group of people who seemingly should have nothing in common, but in a lot of ways they have things they can understand about each other. Struggles they can related to. It’s really nice.

Jester and her multiple message spells lol

I’ll miss you Marion!

Oooo a glow in the water?

Awww Matt that’s really pretty!

“Sometimes the things that are the most beautiful are the things that can hurt you the worst” that’s very profound, Jester.

I’m gonna cry I don’t want Jester to be sad don’t be sad (Laura needs to stop looking like she’s gonna cry because it’s gonna make me cry)

And the way she does this little laugh like she’s trying to brush off how sad she is like STOP IT IM EMOTIONAL.

Marion was gonna leave with Jester’s dad but then he didn’t come back and I’m thinking at some point they had better kick the Gentleman’s ass for abandoning her

The way Fjord is so sweet and soft with Jester is so cute I can’t decide if I ship them or if I just want them to be soft and close but not romantic I think I’d be happy either way but my god Fjord’s being so gentle with her is killing me

“There are vegetarian options as well”

Marius: “Thank you, thank you, it’s very good—they’re crazy aren’t they?”

Cad: “Oh yeah, they’re completely crazy.”

I desperately hope they get attacked by a sea monster at some point

“Captain Tusktooth”

Tiny elf-owl Frumpkin omg

He’s loaning her tiny owl Frumpkin for a week I cry

M: “I poke him to see if he bites me”

Tr: “He’s dead”

“I’m gonna probably start talking to fish at some point in the near future” Caduceus Doolittle

When Nott is sincere like when she’s talking to Caduceus right now is so sweet

I take it back it’s too soon to talk about Molly Sam

“Between you and me, Jester’s a really bad cleric, so…” and Laura almost spits out her drink lol

I want to meet the rest of the Clays someday I hope some of them are still alive

“A sign that there could be, for all of us, another chapter” Nott is getting me in my feelings tonight

Matt: “You get the sense that the fish would be happy to”

Cad/Tal: “I’m a lunatic aren’t I?”

M: “Yeah.”

C/T: “I’m sorry.”

M: “Yeah, no, it’s great! :D”

The fish: “sure, sure, suresuresuresure sure”

Oh godddd sky monster?

Bird?

WHAT IS IT

“Professor Thadeus…?”

Oh. Fuck. Creepy flying humanoid thing.

lol Beau making sure it’s not Yasha

Oh jeez poor Yasha

…Okay Matt that wasn’t cool because it’s past midnight and the windows are open and I’m feeling weirdly paranoid now

HERE WE GO

Harpies omggggg

Caleb’s really not gonna be able to use fire for this without risking the ship

Oh fuck don’t get the deck hands

Okay the sail isn’t that big a deal Jester can probably mend it, so save the deck hand first

Harpies are not sirens that shouldn’t be allowed to do anything

Oh poor Nott

SAVE THE CREW PERSON FIRST BEAU

I love Cad’s beetles

“Snack time” Cad you’re so creepy sometimes xD

15pts of beetle damage hell yeah

Okay I take it back Beau might have done the best thing saving the sail.

Okay this is too easy of a fight tho what’s coming that’s worse

Oh daaaaamn snapped her neck with the sail rope

Caleb Nott this isn’t nice xD

“We saved his life with the power of friendship” I’m crying

F: “How do we prevent further heart episodes?”

N: “MORE FRIENDSHP. MORE FRIENDSHIP.”

Awkward friend hugs are best hugs

Nott please don’t eat harpy meat

Cad’s gonna compost the harpy

Beau is keeping Frumpkin in her pocket of course she is

Poor Travis just like “I DIDN’T KNOW ID ACTUALLY HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO CAPTAIN A SHIP” poor guy

Oh god the ship is gonna sink

They’re gonna end up stranded on the cursed island just watch

Gonna try and block the hole…. with a mattress

I’m shocked they managed to patch it bless Galen for that Nat20

Caleb being clever to save the ship with his magic bubble

I hope they don’t get Orli killed

They gonna get sunk

Oh wait

Does Caleb have to stay inside the bubble?? I hope it doesn’t start to fill too much

YAAAAAS what a good episode!

SO MUCH SAILING PIRATE-Y FUN

Oh please wear pirate outfits I’m begging

I’m so excited for next week

#emi watches critical role #critical role spoilers #Critical Role

[tedfashionski]

Finking, Finking.

Hi, welcome to my ted talk. (That is the only time I will ever make that joke. This is Fashionski Finks. Expect radically low standards of self-involved rantiness with zero research or accountability from here on out). For a while there I seriously thought that the covid-19 quarantine was going to result in people being increasingly placid and accepting of creeping extensions of the police state. But here I am, getting depressed again, not about the protests, which I love, but more about my relationship to in-group pressure dynamics. One of the problems with being a relentless contrarian is the discomfort of my impulse to rebel against groups even when they’re championing the right thing. I have to find my own way to fight against the system as an outsider. No gods, no masters, no fucking peer pressure.  I’ll never be happy joining a chorus line. I don’t sign fucking petitions (they’re just lists for the NSA). I do donate, but like fuck will I do it performatively. I can’t go to protests cus I get panic attacky in crowds. I empathise pretty strongly with outsiders of all stripes but believe ridiculously excessively in the public good of criticism, and have a nostalgic love of trolling (I like to think I’m gentle with it though). Bring back the troll! We need that fucker, he’s a sign of a healthy internet. I’m writing this blog thing as an extension of my need to vent my extreme negativity. TBH I never expected to get any followers with ted twitter and the bizarre welcomingness of the hf twitter community totally wrongfooted me. I’m not nice. Ted isn’t meant to likable. He’s my dark side. I was meant to be using this alt as a way to terrorise the nice nice (secretly cruel) fashion people. I’m gunna try and up that aspect more. Just bear in mind, my complaints are largely about the system, but if I see you perpetuating fashion’s entrenched anti-intellectualism or its insidery bullshit, I’ll come for you with a little meta-bomb with your name on it. Maintaining my misanthropic tone does take work tho, like, deep down in some twisted part of my psyche, I guess I do actually want to be liked. It’s fucked up.

I suppose it’s only fair to explain this Ted fursona. Like, new concept, who dis? Why all the furry porn? …..because I just think it’s hilarious. Every time I think about the furries I cackle (not at them, mind). I just love the mad corruption of pure Disney aesthetics into hardcore pornography. That’s anti-authoritarian as fuck. I love the sincerity of their culture. The way the crazy fetish aspect means they’ll never be fully blandified by mainstream acceptance. The way it’s so cringe but so delightful. And more seriously, I’m interested in how a culture of mostly gay male nerds developed to the point where they’ll invest 10k in custom fursuits and support eachother’s independent businesses in ways that the fashion community completely fails to do. The fashion world sucks. There’s so many correlations there that I want to investigate: the newness (furries date from around the 70s, fashion culture in its self-aware state dates from the late 19th C – both very young fields); the centralisation/decentralisation; the hierarchy (furries can be pretty catty, I have discovered in my research, and we all know what fashion people are like); the adoption of new identities; the cis-boy gayness aspect (I’m increasingly tired of the extreme nasty hierarchy of certain CSM queens. It’s all very UGH. Just, fuck those particular bitches.) There’s more to the furry love, but I’ll explore it in future posts.

More importantly, why Ted fucking Kaczynski? I’m not like, actually a terrorist. (….yet. tehehe. NO, seriously I like non-maiming violence. Fuck yeah to property damage. Fuck yeah to disabling the system in extreme way. But no to wooden IEDs. Think of my shitty jokes that fail to land as my hand-crafted bombs). I think I like the shitness of Ted. He was just an epic fail of a terrorist. I’m a little white girl living in London. I’m not actually a primitivist, as much as I crave a hut in the woods. I did go to an elite school though. I had some really shitty experiences in the fashion industry in my early 20s, and I watch my friends who are relatively successful in that system and I get so angry on their behalf at their poor treatment. They think I’m too angry. Fuck that. They should be more angry, and the fact that they can’t be angry at their extreme precarity and the fact they’re still insecure and terrified of being ejected by the system after all their investment and skills they’ve built up is BULLSHIT. I’ll be double angry for them, I’m not invested in that system. I don’t need it to pay my rent. I’m free, motherfuckers, and I’m coming for the abusers and exploiters. If you’re a complacent industry figure not fighting hard from within, uggghhhhh fuck you. Yes, YOU. Soooo, I relate pretty hard to the MK ultra stuff. (go look him up, he was basically tortured and experimented upon by the elite). But there’s a pretty big chasm between my views and his, and I’ll try to be clear about the extent of my interest in his extreme beliefs. I haven’t even finished reading the manifesto. Basically, I watched that shitty show on Netflix with sam worthington around the same time I watched Joker (that movie fucked me up) and thought it’d be a good outlet to larp online as a terrorist. There’s the angry white alt-right school shooter aspect, which I’m still figuring out, cus I’m non-binary and I was raised by nutso trumpy right-wingers, who I barely speak to anymore, and I struggle to get along with people generally. There’s sad, self-pitying rage here. I empathise with the angry white dudes too much. I feel guilty about it. That’s good ground for artmaking (yes, shamefully, this…is…art. Sorry). I modelled this fursona a little after my brother, who I spent years living with and arguing with and trying to lift out of his scary racist youtube rabbit holes. This is actually quite an emotional thing for me, cus I did the ‘talk to your fascist family’ thing. And I completely failed. I realised his right-winginess wasn’t lessening, I wasn’t gaining ground, and in fact my excessive empathy and desire to reach out to the relative most similar to me in character meant his extremism was rubbing off on me. Making me more resentful and depressed. Feeling powerless. I was being too kind-hearted and forgiving of his masculine impotence. So I’m exploring some personal shit here. But Ted is also a cute lil fuzzball teddy bear. He means well, but me being super autistic and faily at social skills means he’s kind of a dick, cus I am. I’m going to try and further develop this character, this POV, and this post is the only time I’ll explain the divide between him and his creator (moi). The ‘I’ on the twitter and here is Ted Fashionski, I need that space between me and him. Masks give us this freedom to be more ourselves. Internet culture has lost a lot of its wild brutal anonymity in the last decade or so, now everyone’s afraid of making mistakes. How the hell do you grow if you’re not allowed to fuck up? This is a vital outlet. He’s become an important part of my life and I have to say, I love being Ted Fashionski. He’s like Paddington Bear who just escaped form Guantanamo or something.

I get pretty fatigued as a matter of course. I’m a long-term depressive since childhood. I have a difficult time keeping my hard-on for living. I don’t get suicidal really but I do struggle with extreme fatigue. I sleep a lot. I often fall into spirals of self-hate. And as someone who utterly believes in revolutionary leftist politics, I beat myself up about not doing enough. I’m so middle class and english and white. I was raised in such a chauvinistic and complacent culture; I don’t even know where to start. I’m wading my way through post-colonial literature and beating myself up for finding it boring and uncomfortable. It’s hard to force yourself to acknowledge your culture is The Bad Guys. It’s easier to fall into fanstasies of supremacy and butthurt misunderstoodness. And it’s not like my depressive brain needs any encouragement to hate me. My trajectory is ever leftwards, but I remember the righteous fury of being right-wing. I get it, that was me. We need more paths back from fascism, more comprehension of why people are that kind of shitty. I talk less, and less well, the more depressed I am. If I’m talking, it means im feeling a lot better. Just, fyi.

Give me a minute to be critical here. With the George Floyd protests, a lot of the cool guys on fashion twitter has gone blazingly hardcore on the political side. But there’s this troubling rhetoric about ‘no return to normal content’ or ‘this isn’t the time for fashion’. Like fuck it isn’t. This is a key problem with fashion culture right here, we have this received perception of fashion as empty escapism. Escapism matters in fashion, yes. But seriously, talking about the surfaces of things does not equal not caring about deeper meaning. What the fuck. Clothes are a connective tissue, a membrane between us. They’re emotional and powerful. We can talk about things that matter THROUGH clothes. I speak fashion, pretty fucking well. Most people who work at fashion magazines are morons with no understanding or respect for their subject. They’re incapable of doing it justice, and that’s deliberate. On this tumblr you’ll see rants and reviews of fashion and other artforms, always interpreting through a fashion lens. cus it matters, cus it’s a vital part of the culture, cus just because something has a glittery, seductive surface doesn’t mean it doesn’t communicate or contain depth. There’s no going back to ‘normal fashion content’, yes. Normal fashion content is a fucking psyop to divert legitimate interest in aesthetics amongst largely non-academic dyslexic visual types away from careful thought/feeling and towards empty consumerist commericiality. The traditional fashion media wants you to express yourself and your interest in the zeitgeist through buying more shit. Another fashion world is possible. Let’s destroy the old and build a new one, one where surface and spirit are connected and true and fashion can’t be abused in service of evil industrial monopolists.

/end rant. TLDR: angry fictional teddy bear with tin-foil hat and an eco-anarchist fetish says no to stupid fashion and yes to the renewal of conceptual fashion. Also, Fuck White People.

[roughentumble]

so i finally got to finish white rabbit and it was Bad. its bad film scoob

to get more detailed, and possibly i just wasn’t paying close enough attention to this first point, but, it’s something so basic that it should be pretty clear to the audience unless you’re messing with it on purpose, the timeline is absolutely confusing as heck. how long did harlon and julie know each other? i have NO IDEA. i legit am convinced it was only 2 days. i just can’t.... possibly conceive of it being any other increment of time? but also that still doesn’t make sense to me because things escalate So Damn Quickly. his bully bullied him literally right before summer, then summer ends and he insists he’s Changed and that all that stuff In The Past is something he’s improved about himself now that he’s Matured?????? wHat???? also there’s something very abrupt about the film’s timeline. we see one or two scenes with harlon as a child, then only scenes of him in a very specific summer in a very specific year(i.e. the year that he either violently shoots up his school, or dreams about violently shooting up his school, more on that later tho) which isn’t INHERENTLY bad, but... you didn’t get this... the film is striving to explain how things build up and build up and build up inside a person, why things go so wrong, and why we have school shootings(or at least, ONE explanation why some kids engage in school shootings) but you don’t GET a sense of things being built up. the whole film felt like a bunch of choppy scenes spliced together

and it didn’t really...... harlon’s hallucinations felt like such a small PART of the film, they were SO scattered and didn’t really. i dunno. it just didnt all click together in any coherent or meaningful sense. the whole film is so odd, poorly handled, and disjointed that i’m having trouble writing coherent thoughts about it. 

julie was, altogether, a shallow character who was literally a manic pixie dream girl. she stumbled into his life twice, the first time changing him for the better(in some ways, he does stand up for himself for the first time after kisses him), the second time using her own personal growth that all took place OFF-SCREEN and with barely an explanation thrown out there, TO TRY AND FIX HARLON AGAIN like she’s JUST a catalyst for his own growth that’s all she is, and she’s a shoddy one at that. she doesn’t feel like she belongs in the film at all, she feels like she was in an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT film and somehow managed to step through a door and land in this town somehow. she’s weird, she’s poorly-written imho, she’s distracting, she takes up time that COULD be used to actually give... literally any character any personality at all, even a little

oh yeah, nobody has any... personality. they’re all like these cardboard cutouts, the stereotypical abusive redneck dad, the stereotypical shitty siblings(fun fact! i literally forgot he had siblings, throughout the entire film i just kept forgetting, and i only remember now because a different review mentioned them! fun), the tired and slightly overbearing but ultimately caring mother, the bully, the sniveling friend, the angry shouty parents of the sniveling friend who seem to have no source for their anger they just Are Mad Now, the girl who waltzes into Main Character’s life and shakes things up, the Crazy School Shooter who Hears Voices From His Violent Comic Books! everybody is like every other character ever, and even when shoddy writing starts putting them on a different path, they just head down... that same cliche path anyway, even though it makes no sense for them in context, like the world’s shittiest roller coaster

for example, the school shooting ending had NO buildup. it was last minute, went by real fast, had NO real stressor to speak of, it just... literally didnt make sense. harlon wasn’t an exceedingly angry child, he wasn’t overly-programmed for violence by the way his parents raised him... and yet, just like he’s been locked onto the rails, just cuz he Hears Voices so this Must Be A School Shooter Movie, he just stands there while the tracks take him from point a to point b

also, the entire film felt like nothing more than a grocery list, loosely detailing all of the every reason you ever ever ever hear that anyone ever does A Big Bad Thing, without any real deeper understanding of any of those things. like. it felt so... the entire film felt sterile. everybody was a standee on a track, rolling up to one another and saying in a SIRI-esque voice “HELLO. HERE IS REASON NUMBER 284 WHY I WILL BE SAD LATER. BEEP BOOP DEPLOYING SADNESS” before calmly being carried away by the motor. 

plus the ending is a total cop-out. the beginning of the film includes what is obviously harlon getting ready to shoot up the school, plus some voice-overs that don’t make sense yet, which is fine. sure. plenty of films make use of devices like that. then at the end, when he shoots up the school, it eventually ends on very similar footage from the beginning, with some teeny tiny details changed here and there, but... like, was he thinking about shooting up the school before going in to do it, or was he dreaming it, or did he shoot himself and now he’s in purgatory, forced to revisit his crimes at the hands of his evil bunny overlord...? it was ambiguous in the exact way a film like this should NEVER be ambiguous(or at least, not unless you’re way better than these people at writing >:// )

all of this being said, i do want to make a specific note that i liked the actors. i think they did a great job. i liked watching nick krause(harlon), i liked watching Sam Trammell(the father) struggle to bring nuance to such an awkwardly written role. honestly, sam’s character was easily the most robust one in the film, since he was abusive but he did love his kids and had moments with them where things WEREN’T bad, and moments that made it clear that he was trying, he just didn’t know any better and lived in this environment that stifled any and all change and personal growth, but at the same time he was never excused for his abusive behavior. sam trammell did literally awesome at is and he was quite possibly..... 1.5 whole dimensions. incredible

anyway, back on topic, i believed ryan lee as a bullied child-- did i like the writing for him, or how things were edited? no. but his acting, his tears, his emotions that he brought to the performance were MORE than satisfactory. 

the one i’m most hesitant to speak about is britt robertson(julie). like, on one hand, i just straight up... did not like julie. or rather, i would’ve been fine watching a film about julie, she seems nice and interesting(what lead her to her downward spiral of drugs and alcohol and attempted suicide? was she mentally ill, or were there outside stressors? what did she go through to heal the way she did over just one summer? what about that night was so bad for her that it caused her to go to rehab/a mental hospital? did she decide to on her own, or did her father make her?) but she’s barely touched in the film, barely given any space to feel anything, and so i find her presence, quite frankly, annoying. she should have been bigger or not there at all. but she was there, and she wasn’t bigger, and the writing really did not care about her feelings or motivations in the SLIGHTEST. and there’s only so much you can bring to that, acting-wise! the scene where she nearly dies in the field with harlon, when she’s talking about praying and how she never gets an answer, i BELIEVED the tears in her voice. she sounded visceral and honest. at the middle/end, when she came back and truly wanted to help harlon? the way she acted when the shooting was happening? i mean, i didn’t like the WRITING for her character, but i liked the emotions she managed to put into these scenes

and like. i know i’m skipping back here a bit, but nick krause did Good man. i thoroughly believed at least 97.25% of his emotions. i didn’t understand his motivations, and there were certainly flat and emotionless moments aplenty, but mostly they were born out of poor writing, and not actor shortcomings

the actors were not the problem. i would 100% see a movie just cuz nick krause was in it(if only to see if his acting only looked good in comparison to the script he was handed)

honestly i can’t really sum it up much better than these guys did, ngl

white rabbit was boring and shit and i hated it but im probs gonna give it a thumbs up cuz netflix was created by the devil himself and also i wanna see other films like it so. i suffer

#white rabbit tag #It Was So Bad Scoob

[somedaypast-thesunset]

U know. I cry for the world. I really do. But I cannot allow it into my own space which is any space my body currently occupies because I am not trapped and can choose to remove myself. Like, he made me feel like I wasn't sympathetic because I wouldn't let ppl like this in my home. I am sympathetic, not stupid. I would give a percent of money given to me to give all these ppl places that accomidate them.

He literally runs upstairs as I'm quietly eating my food by myself and asks why I'm a bitch. I tell him that's not really fair to say and I'm not interested in talking to him. He says it is fair to say because I'm being a bitch. I told him he's been pretty disrespectful from the start and I'm not interested in having a conversation. He says I'm the one being disrespectful because I owed him 50$ and he let it go cuz my partner is letting him stay at his house. My blinders went on briefly - like my brain clicked at that moment and we were no longer associates of any kind. Was I required to kiss your ass and buy your beer because you let my 50$ debt go for stupid reason? Who the fuck are you? And fine - fine. Thank you for debt forgiveness. But the fact you think I still owe you something - even a nicety, which I've given numerous times, is a person I don't want to know. I'll give you what I owe and nothing more. Why would I allow a dynamic in a personal relationship like that?

I got dressed and told my partner I would see him tomorrow as our friend jumps back and forth from saying he'll go and asking me why we can't have a "civil conversation".i told him I did nothing, I waited for him to be finished cooking so I could eat and now I'm upstairs because I don't want to hang out and now I'm leaving because this is disrespectful.

Finally he leaves and I feel uneasy. I know I'm there for my partner but I know he has feelings about it either way now and I don't know what to do because I don't want to talk to this guy again. So I tell him and say if he has a problem I'll leave. He says he has no problem it's between us he didn't want to be brought into it and now hes being brought in. Im like wtf rly. I'm sitting here eating a man came in and yelled that I'm a bitch and you think I brought you into this? Cuz I was the mature person who removed myself from a conflict seeking person? Fuck offfff. I told him fine, I would just go then. He said he's not mad but fine he'll see me tomorrow. I told him I'm not mad I have anxiety and no outlet so im leaving.

I called another mutual on the way home hoping for weed and a smoke. As I was on the phone I get a message from the first friend telling me he's sorry he was beligirent and he understands my point of view but "Jsyk I was offended too".

Our mutual said fuck him. But this is not really our friend. I know our friend very well and I know there is no way he would believe any different from his original stance unless someone explained how he might be in the wrong perspective. He spent days believing I was holding an attitude with him when I literally gave no fucks. I was nice, I hung out, I made and bought food, shared my weed and he continually had a disrespectful attitude towards me in every conversation I had and I was just over it because Ive really tightened my circle to not include people like him. I don't need it, I didn't do anything and I'm not going to be shit on because I shared what little I had and this guy is fucking crazy. Also I guess I'm ghetto but if a friend is shit on by someone in front of u, u back them up. My partner should have guilt for not saying hey what kind of language is that for a civil convo. But it's fine too because I'll remember this.

I sort of expect that my partner did tho. I feel our friend probably tried to approach him about it after I left and told him he was in the wrong for yelling at me and because he said "I hope we will talk again" to me implies my partner told him I'm not talking to him again as he could've said.. Nothing. Or hope we will be friends again? Hang out? It's just a weird admission of guilt that comes from my partners moral high grounds. Like he would never apologize to such degrees but he will tell u this is exactly how you should do it but it's our friend saying "Jsyk I was offended too". He's offended because every other friend knows I don't answer phone calls. I answer for like.. The government, doctors, my one friend and my partner. Otherwise I do not. It's a joke in my circle because I always answer texts. I always answer dms. I stopped fb but it was the same. Emails. If u call I will never call u back. A friend knows this. It's my quirk. It's fun. If it's an emergency, I'll know. It never is. I'm a confidante to people. Like I'm not a psychiatrist I'm a living diary where these people expect me to sit and listen to their problems and give them a certain level of wisdom and care and interaction or I'm not a friend. You and chantel and taff and Tom and Aaron and Jared and kitty. I sit and watch people. They are not my friend but I'm theirs and they wonder why at some point I check out and don't care about this shit they're doing. My partner falls into this and is probablt the absolute worst I've had so I have no room to do this for others and I think now it's like chosen victimhood when I remain friends and partners too. Like I know this person - I KNOWWWWWW this person because my job was to listen to all their shit. Like if knowledge is power im queen cuz I know. So I know they're fucked. I know. I could write a book verified by them of how fucked they are. And that means at some point they will be fucked again. That's their character. I dunno if that's who the fuck they are but it's what they presented. And being so close puts me within their fucked shit. Whether directed at me or not. Sam. No ones in my shit. No ones following my life. No one listens to me everyday except a girl I barely know in real life but force myself on her and literally don't know if she likes me or feels sorry for me but she's gracious. And even then I don't share everything. She's certainly not invested. This friend expected an investment further into listening to him because he made me feel bad and always wanted a relationship with me and when I was with my partner he was not super cool about it. I empathized and sympathized and wanted him to do well in life but I'd never be with him. I could barely be his friend. I barely liked him as my drug dealer. But I felt man. He criticized how I lived even though I'm not homeless. He is. And I don't want a point in my life where I'm arguing with a homeless man because our government gives you money. You make choices and I made the choice to use the same money not to be homeless and you decided to hitchhike. Logic. You are who you surround yourself with and I'm not this and I can't be the confidante of this while having everything I do responded to with a sigh of disappointment. It's a huge reason why I never called back when it was obvious he didn't get it. Why.

I liked my partners "I'm not mad". Really. He said it under his breath then quickly said "fine whatever see you". It was one of the first few shows of like "but I wanted you!" that he's made outside of sex. Like showing disappointment meant he had to involve himself into easing my anxiety which was too complicated and too much effort for him. He needed me to get over it.

I'm glad I left. I didn't argue with anyone but expressed how I felt and thought and left. I'm not replying to his apology because I'm going to blindly assume he spoke to my partner and I'm happier he said anything to defend me than I care about this apology. It's an action he would take instead of apologizing. He did something to help my anxiety and that's so much better than nothing. He is really trying to be consistent and elevated in his investment. I mean, this whole thing is fucked. But like... Iget along with him. He's the male figure in my life my parents demanded I needed for disciplinary purposes. But he's like a drunk army sergeant. U respect but he's a little fucked and sometimes makes u do questionable shit. But in the process youre somehow built into a better person and ur like yeah the army (relationship) was pretty great shaped me as a person but my drill (his personality) got drunk sometimes, cried and when u said ur uncomfortable got angry and threatened a discharge.

He has control of me but gives me freedom to the nth degree.

[survivorpacificislandallstars]

Ep. 12 - “Fly my ass back to Hawaii and dump me in a volcano” - Andrew (Pt. 1)

So I guess All Stars is just gonna be me watching the people I know and love go home one after the other at this point. At this point, I shouldn't be shocked or mad. Rhea, Karen, even Brandon to an extent. Who's next is my only question. Shockingly, to not my surprise, Jordan and Ash couldn't be trusted!!!! Who could have foreseen this? Well, I could, and I did. Anyone with common sense and a brain could have, but I guess that's too much to ask. Like with Ash, I had zero expectations. Jordan... I mean, there was at least a low bar, a very low bar. Because as far as I can recall, I've been completely honest with Jordan each tribal I've been with him... And yet each time he goes against his own word, then we make up afterward, and it's just... I don't even know. I'm totally numb to betrayal by now. Also Gage's vote is hilarious. "I don't take kindly to lies" wow bitch me too the fuck???? Kinda why I voted for him cause like, at every tribal all my interactions with him have been lies built upon lies, sometimes mutually and sometimes from him. But there's no actual trust and we've just been pretending every round, so I'm glad we've finally dropped it and we can acknowledge the tension. Jordan said I'm not on the bottom of the tribe...which sounds fake but, okay. Maybe I can work with him, maybe I can't, but really I'm just praying for once that we swap one last time to save my ass. 

I am so so so so shook right now.

Conf #18: wow! final 14! Im doing so much better than the other two games that i wont talk about. Im concerned about this immunity challenge because usually when it comes to touchy subjects I feel like I know how the game is going, but with all the swaps I feel like I know nothing about what people are thinking it concerns me. *Coco Peru voice* that bothers me. As far as the double tribal? *Yawn* but also im ready to die again, hopefully I can get people to go after mitch!!!

Honestly this tribe swap has me wet. I'm on a tribe with a bunch of icons like daddy Andrew or Sam B or fake Sam, even Steffen to an extent. More importantly I am away from that horrible nest of snakes from my previous tribe. The bad thing is Samantha wants to go after Jay, because Jay tried coming for Sam at some point, which is horrible. And if I had to choose right now I'd vote out Jay over Sam just because Sam unlike some people hasn't blindsided me!!! But no I'm not bitter or anything, why would I be bitter? I mean I shouldn't be because it's not like I considered those people trustworthy or anything!!! Anyway. Mitch is obviously siding with Jay, which leaves three people in the middle. Sam and I both want Andrew because he's trustworthy (and Sam also wants him because he's hot and I have no issues with that). I trusted Andrew the most at the very beginning of the game, and we've both been through a lot but hopefully that connection is still there. That leaves Steffen and fake Sam as the swing votes...... Idk how much I trust either of them. Steffen did side with me at the Chrissa tribal, Sam sided with the snakes at Brandon's tribal tho.... So yikes!!!! We'll figure that out tomorrow!!! 

OKAY. So this new Kyaal tribe? EW. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE ON THE OTHER TRIBE AND I MISS THEM OKAY? NOT REALLY THO. I'm so chaotic in here wtf. Anyway, SO I'm back with Jordan Pines, which is litty titty. I feel like I actually can trust him because he gives me A LOT of tea like all the time. Whether or not it's all factual is another story, but at this point I'll take what I can get. I'm also still with DADvid. He's my Dad, check my birth certificate. He is such a good person and I'm so happy we've gotten so close through this game because we have had a lot of time to get to know one another in various communities and never have. So David told me he is pretty sure of a Drew/Jay/Mitch thing thang going on and I believe it! Drew just had a moment in the HOS15 VL when Jay was evicted so that's confirmed. ADDITIONALLY, Jordan just told me that Mitch found an idol (which isn't surprising) some ruby idol bullshit that makes everyone go to rocks??? Apparently Drew has it right now and knowing my luck I'll be rocked out of this damn game. But hey, I keep saying this but I'm so proud of myself for making it this far, so if I go, I go! (I'LL BE FUCKING PISSED AND PROBABLY NEVER PLAY ONE OF THES AGAIN IF I FUCKING GO HOME, I AM FUCKING SANDRA DIAZ-TWINE AND I WILL BE THE QUEEN THAT WEARS THE CROWN TWICE.)

So who the fuck does Jay think he is exiling me?! Why me?! Clearly he has some plan to get rid of me because we're not working together so he isn't exiling me to get the clue or anything so obviously he wants me gone. If for some reason he DOESN'T want me gone he's crazy because now I'm just pissed off. I don't get to just waltz back into the tribe with immunity like Drew does. I'm gunna have to scramble and make sure it's not me and this is gunna be so annoying. Plus he just messaged me "I'm exiling you I hope that's ok" LIKE NO ITS NOT FUCKING OKAY YOU DIMWIT FUCK WHY THE FUCK DID HE CHOOSE ME??? Also I just looked at the touchy subjects results and I got who has the most F2 deals? Technically I have none because I haven't actually talked to anyone about going to the end together AND I really only talk to Steffen, Drew, and Jordan so like fuck I'm so mad because it looks so bad on me. I'm just really overall pissed off right now and I can't believe I can't even rant to anyone! I feel like Drew and Jay are tight. I started going off not even thinking of it as a game thing but more like I'm frustrated and want to rant to a friend about it but then I remembered back on the first tribe when Jay, Drew, and Mitch were all so far up each other's ass it was disgusting so like I can't even talk to Drew about it because he'll go run and tell Jay and be all fucking annoying. I just want Mitch and Jay gone so bad. Steffen better be able to pull some people in and make sure it's Mitch and not me. If I go home because Steffen can't strategize to save me I'm gunna suffocate him when he comes to visit

I'm back and alive A lot of things have happened, and apparently confessionals aren't mandatory, so I haven't been writing things! That's great. So the last time I wrote a confessional was the round before Billy right? Ok So I sort of kind of may have manipulated the vote against Billy. I heard from Van that her and Billy were trying to flip the vote onto Charlotte, so I told Charlotte that Billy might have been trying to target her, and she easily flipped to Van and I. Jay didn't want to vote Billy, so it was 3-2. I'm glad I got him out of the game at least. I love Billy as a person, as a player, whew. He reamed me afterwards, and every bad thing he said about me was truly well-deserved. So then we swap, fun shit. Expected. We played Kanto! I got gay pokemon, but no idol or whatever. I have a team of cuties, so that's all that matters to me.<3 I couldn't play the grass game, so we kinda had to go to tribal. David was the target, but he whipped out an idol and his one vote for Punpun sent them home, which is disappointing. But fuck, good job David. Props to you, I ain't even mad. Apparently Van was voted out of the other tribe which SUCKS because I had to vote out Billy to protect her and then she just went home anyway??? Uggggh My friends keep leaving. We stayed in Kanto for a week and I got to play Pokemon LeafGreen. I caught 111 pokemon and earned myself a trip to exile, which was mostly pointless, and our tribe got immunity. I wasn't even playing to win, I just really love FR/LG. But of course I'm secretly digging my own grave, because who wants to keep a tryhard around at/before merge??? No one. I gave my idol to Drew because he said he might've been in trouble. It was insurance in case things turned sour. BUT APPARENTLY AT THEIR TRIBAL IT WAS UNANIMOUS VOTE FOR CHARLOTTE. I love Charlotte... She was my #1 man. I wanted to help her get far. And then Drew told me she might've been a catfish. So... Maybe that was for the best, idk. COME TO THINK OF IT, a first boot being considered an all star is VERY suspicious... I want my idol back tho. Also Karen went home at the other tribal!!! Bless up. Jay told me she had a sapphire idol so that is... good that she's gone.  ALSO Dan has the Whetu idol and I'm surprised but also not. So here we are on new tribes, and what better way to put a fire under my ass than to play touchy subjects??? Do I have good luck with this game? No. Do I usually get nice answers? Yes. Did I get them this time? Not...really. People think I have an idol and they want to vote me out next. Which is unfortunate, because now I honestly don't have an idol. And I'm going to be traveling tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I can't even really talk to people and defend myself!!!!!!!! Fortunately I at least have Jay and Andrew on this tribe. Sam G and Kevin would likely vote with me too. I don't want to vote Steffen because I just told him I wouldn't and meant it. So that leaves Sam B, who just won Panem and should go... We'll see how the chips fall. Maybe I'll get my idol back, maybe Samg and Kevin like me enough to keep me around, and maybe I'll live another day. If not, oh well, I made jury.

When you accidentally send a confessional....to the wrong game....hosted by Jay....and it's talking about Jay...and it reveals your allies........ I'm actually gonna hate myself if this fucks my game up why do I do these things

"Not to nitpick at the Touchy Subject results but the fuck! Firstable Ash and Gage put me down as backstabber like besides last vote which was just me returning the backstabbing to Gage, when have I done that... Second of balls, people forgetting I'm in the game? Well, not shocking, I'm naturally irrelevant. Still won't stop me from being salty but. So um if Jay goes after Sam B he's officially cancelled, because I would literally die for her every day of my life I had to. And the fact that he's immune....sigh. I don't know if he trusts me but!!! If he doesn't he can catch these gay 12 year old hands. Sam B and I want to go after fake Sam now because she has too many allies (she wanted to go after Mitch but uh, I think not). Idk what Jay thinks about fake Sam but he did send her to Exile so there's that. Hopefully Andrew and Steffen will come through???? Because if I have to watch Sam B die I might as well drop dead to the floor right now because there would be no point in living after that"

Andrew wants to form an alliance of me him Jay and Mitch. Like, I love those people, but you know who that excludes? Sam!!!!! You know who I would never vote out in a heartbeat? Also Sam!!!! Voting out Sam would be like Ciera voting out her mom except actually important and heartbreaking (but it would still be a hashtag game changing big move). So I kinda bs'd to Andrew saying I don't trust Jay because he voted out Karen (also my mom) which is half the truth. The good news is Andrew said we should choose between Steffen and fake Sam. While Steffen has backstabbed me once, we're supposedly friends now cause he was like "miss you!!!" when we swapped but like Gage did the same thing and look where that got me. But I don't wanna break that bond just yet. Sooooo I'm still gunning for fake Sam but Mitch was like "I like her" which just proves real Sam's about connections and yadda yadda. Really I just want to get to the point where I can stop distinguishing the Sam's and my life gets easier. 

I’m me and sara planning to search the well together

So the vote should in theory be Ash tonight. I'm perfectly fine with Ash going home but I'm not perfectly fine with lying to Gage about it, but at this point unless Ash/Gage have an idol I don't foresee things changing. Thankfully Gage seems to like me so that is a plus. If there's an idol played it most likely will not be me going home. I don't love that it will be David going home though. Jordan Pines is a dear friend of mine, but he's just in general very aggressive. He has strong social ties to people and seems to utilize them when he needs things. He put together the 5 votes against Ash and it seems like a done deal. But I'm at a cross roads. Do I try to turn David and work with Gage and Ash to vote Jordan out? Idk. My concern is that endgame, people like Mitch/Drew/Jay/Jordan will be an unstoppable force in this game and idk if I'm ready for that. I'll probably touch base with David before my vote is submitted and if he thinks the plan is good, it's happening. If not, I'll just have to lie to Gage and possibly lose my newest ally's trust... :/ 

I. Hate. Survivor. Here I am, dealing with important stuff, cleaning literal dog shit, and then here in the game shit hits the fan. Sam B wanted Sam G out. Jay wanted Steffen out. Sam B was fine with this. I tell Jay this. I also tell Jay Sam B wants Sam G out, but we can roll with Steffen. Jay says cool. But somewhere after some shitty sequence of events, Jay goes apeshit and throws out like, everyone's names and wants to vote out Sam B???? And doesn't tell me of course, even though he wanted to make sure "we're cool." So I guess keeping me in the dark, again, is a good way to gain trust. And then an even shittier thing happens. Sam B, fake Sam, and Steffen unite to vote out Mitch. I think voting out Mitch is the most effective way to weaken Jay, and Jay does need to be weakened. But voting out Mitch...and sending him to the jury...is difficult. I would rather send Mitch to jury over Sam. Sam said Jay directed votes back to Steffen... But I can't trust him, and I don't want to sit still and do nothing about that. He's fooled me once and I don't want to be fooled again, I'm tired of that happening. Voting out friends is hard, but I think tonight there's no easy way out. 

#piallstars #confessionals