#im already a fucking adult if i dont do something about this shit im gonna be lonely as hell

[piratadelamor]

self isolation as a form of self preservation is going to end up killing me someday

#im already a fucking adult if i dont do something about this shit im gonna be lonely as hell #i just wish i had made friends at college like everyone else #instead of the poor choices of friends i made when i got in for the wrong ideas i had about the type of person i wanted to be #i simply ended up with no friends at the worst place to make friends #imagine me having 8 different classes each semester. each class had about 60 different students #each subject had at least 4 different teachers teaching that so you could choose when and who to take that class with #850 new students each year it was rare to end up on the same class as someone twice #unless you were already friends before and decide to take the classes together #most of my classes didnt have group projects either. no dynamic stuff just reading and reading and reading #it. was. HELL #i actually had like 3 people i could call my friends there but our classes never matched #and im not an easily approachable person i wanted to DIE when i made a friend there that told me she was scared to talk to me before #how many possible friendships i lose all the time for seeming unnaproachable?? for my fucking face bro i cant do shit about it #today my best friend from work also told me that when she first met me she thought i was cold and arrogant #but that i also seemed cool so she was like ok lets give her a chance #i keep fucking hearing it all the fucking time i have MANY friendships that started just like this. people judging me at first #this is so sad and lonely to me i dont wanna be this person #one time a friend also said something like im glad im already your friend id be scared of you if i didnt know you #like????? scared of WHAT. i never treat people badly. i dont fight i dont do gossip i dont do anything to hurt anyone #im always trying to get people together and have fun i always talk to everyone im always nice to everyone #im always trying #so why the hell people still think im unnaproachable #i dont get it i've been hearing this from FRIENDS my whole life. not from people who dont like me its people who LIKE me that say this #what the hell am i doing wrong besides being born with my fucking face #and then. above all. to make it all worse. i self isolate bc im scared of rejection. man i fucking hate being me #i really dont wanna be lonely

[that-tall-queer-bassist]

Im drawing fanart of gtws and jellie instead of hw or studying.

#Im taking so many pictures along the way since its probably gonna get ruined once i grab my pen #I love pens and ink #But my mental imagery is shit #So i have to make sure its scaled right if im doing something like this and not a doodle #Fingers crossed i dont fuck up too hard #I mean. I kinda already did with his hair. But hair is Too Hard #Also please dont @ me about the wheelchair i couldnt find the right angle for a ref photo #So its… interesting? No armrests cause i did a bad angle by the time i membered it would cover detail :( #Should not be slacking in school #Dont do what i do kids/adults. Im a bad role model smh

[bzjohndory]

Brozone Diner thoughts

Honestly i am a really big fan of the fact brozone diner is little angst, don’t even get me wrong i love AUs that are heart wrenching as hell but i also love just running to my own AU and it being pure family fluff with a few crumbs of issues that they handle together.

John Dory is definitely an animal guy in my head and their pet dog Rhonda helps John Dory a lot like. Emotionally. John Dory needs his alone time but still like having his animal companion with him so Rhonda just helps him get through harder days!

I also like thinking about how it was before current brozone diner like. I think John Dory’s perfectionism was something prevalent and Bruce and Clay definitely got the brunt of it 💀 they’re not a boyband so i had to figure how to work it in a diner AU which made me think that John Dory felt validated in receiving 5 star reviews and having regulars. I work in a family business as well and oftentime when im taking a regular’s order, they’ll just ask for my mother who knows exactly what they want and how they want it which I imagine is what also went on with BrozoneDiner. John Dory probably compromised a lot of orders to keep customer satisfaction and made basically new items to keep regulars coming. When Bruce and Clay started working and they didn’t know the customers like John Dory did, and John Dory probably mega stressed when they were just newbies in the family business because of how often they would make first job mistakes. I think Bruce and Clay did resent him for his perfectionism but didn’t resent him as much as they did in Trolls 3 original storyline cause for every mistake they made, as much as John Dory would obnoxiously scold them for it, John Dory always protected them from angry customers and shit. A lot of this AU is based in my almost 10+ years working in family business and there are times i fucked up and i was pissed for being screamed at for simple mistakes but my parents who yelled at me are also the same parents who made sure no customer would yell at me and i think that would help settle some of Bruce’s and Clay’s frustrations with John Dory since John Dory didn’t really ruin something fun for them like a boy band; John Dory is literally just trying to provide for a family of 6 (Rosiepuff lived with them until she died but she was too old to be working, mostly just oversaw the kids as John Dory worked) They don’t break up and have a reunion in this AU but I imagine Bruce’s and Clay’s issues had to be resolved with time and less of a direct confrontation 💀💀💀 i think they did confront John Dory about it eventually after a few years floyd was born but i dont think it blew over into any extremes like JD, Bruce, or Clay running away or anything. I think John Dory finally relaxed after Bruce and Clay had become adults and Floyd and Branch were on their steady way to a decent future; i think at that point John Dory would have already grown accustomed to the routine of taking care of his younger brothers + handling and managing a diner and by that time Bruce and Clay were experienced in working in the diner and helping ease his worries a lot by contributing to the diner. ORGSUSHDH I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS AU FOR DAYS I HAVE A GOOGLE DOC WHERE I TALK ABOUT ALL OF THE BROTHERS’ PERSPECTIVES GROWING UP AND IM STILL WORKING OUT THE LOGISTICS OF THIS AU CAUSE I STILL WANT IT TO BE REALISTIC BUT IM GONNA SCREAM I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

i will not lie when i say a lot of my hyperfixation is directed towards john dory and honestly as much as i try to distribute the drawings i do of BrozoneDiner evenly between the brothers you can very much tell that the AU is john dory centric 💀💀💀

But yeah the crumblike amount of angst in this AU is basically just. Normal real world problems and the diner when it was first handed down to John Dory 👻 other than that i do intend to keep this AU as fluffy as my brain desires and my brain loves familial interaction and silly family business banter.

Anyways i’m so happy people have enjoyed this au as much as i do and any questions/requests are always welcomed! (i need to talk abt this au sosoosos badly i think abt it way too much)

Also this is my first time using tumblr how the fuck does the askbox work i wanna do like a “ask the brothers” thing but i have noooooo fucking clue into anything abt tumblr

#trolls band together #i love john dory a normal amount #brozone diner

[jazzyblusnowflake]

OMG hi…I really like your art and was wondering if you wanna be mutuals??????????? Also tell me about your MD ships :3c

honey we are dating- .....okay yknow what- HI PRETTY & TALENTED LADY- yess i will absolutely love toooo 🙈💕💕💕💕💕

also lets see uhhh okay this is an excuse for me to just... expload-

keep in mind not every ship is meant for all of you so dont badger me about stuff that ISNT CANON or YOU DONT SHIP. contrary to whatever you believe, when somone posts about THEIR ships, nobody wants to hear about you NOT shipping it on THAT EXACT post.

hang in there, this gon be a long one >:p

First off we are starting strong with Nuzi- Biscuitbites obviously thats a given- these two just have too much to be said about why and how they make eachother the best version of eachother, whether they ever became canon or not- they fit like puzzle pieces- they lessen eachothers negative traits by being their for eachother.

next is Vuzi- Violentviolet, they are my favorite kind of enemies to lovers 😔 but its also tragic smh. kinda pissed off at how V always does something good in Uzis favor only when she is LITERALLY PASSED OUT- either in the camp ep on the bus or in Alices lab. like damn ofFUCKINGcourse Uzi wouldnt know she cares about her 😭😭😭

envuzi- Violentbitingbiscuits, i love these goobers with all my heart- they deserve the best 😔💕💕💕💕

envy - [does this poor ship just NOT have an exclusive FINDABLE tag name??? im calling them GoldenMemories...], i like to think that if they were in the manor still, and nothing bad had ever happened, these two would be comforting eachother in the healthiest way possible. V needs someone like N and N is just adorable like that uwu

Next we have JxTessa/Jessa- [calling them Fancyblades cuz why not-] J deserves some closure for the shit shes gone through smhhh 😔, its a tragic yuri of J loving and wanting something she probably already accepted she couldnt have, and even then she gotta deal with Ns ass being the favorite one regardless of how hard she tries to be perfect... sighhh i wanna imagine them in a future where Tessa was spared as the only human and J could save her 😭😭😭😭 Tessa might have loved doing mechanical stuff or wore black to hide grease/oil stains on her clothes from her parents and wore gloves to hide her oily stained hands- i want her to have a scene of wiring drones back to life and saving them and saying something like "hey there, you made it! dont worry, ill take care of you, youre my friend now :3" or something //dies//, also before anyone says it- even if Tessa was a teen in the flashbacks- romance is not exclusive to ADULTS, teens can love eachother without having sexual stuff involved. no she was not their MOTHER figure, she was their FRIEND who liked to fix robots for herself to not be alone in a house where her own parents literally chain her up as punishment. i dont even know why im arguing about this, people headcanon or make aus about characters NOT being dead all the time and if Tessa was alive for as long as J thought she was, Tessa would have been a perfectly fine adult either way. so counting this, yes shes canonically considered an adult when Cyn tries to imitate an adult humans body 🙄 makes as much sense as everything else i guess-

next ones i got is NorixYeva/Neva- Solverlilies- i just think theyre neat 😭😭😭 and once again, like everything else in this franchise- they are tragic yuris 😔 damn liam im finding a pattern over here 🤨 anyway, i like to think they either got closer in the lab experimentations or were already close when they were working as WDs in the campsite area for the humans. obviously canonically they were probably straight or just not into eachother romantically- [Nori either u have the worst taste men or Khan just fucking lost it after you died-] but also on the other handddd.... they have 2 hands and they are robots, i want them to kiss like two barbie dolls and im gonna make them do just that-

DollxLizzy/Dizzy- Bloodypink, wost fucking ship names ever, i cant find shit on them with these tags and it makes me angry >:/ at this point 2/3s of my ships are just tragic yuris smh, Doll did not deserve any of the things handed to her, even if she went about doing some things the wrong way i wish Lizzy didnt just abandon her- but then again, Doll did kinda abuse Lizzys trust and Lizzy got scared of being close to a serial murderer so.... morality calls this a draw? 😭 im crying... i wish someone was there to help Doll... sigh... i like to think Lizzy would have waited for Doll to just come back at some point... oh well, thats why AUs exist :"3 //sobs in the corner//

DollxUzi/Dollzi- Bloodybats, this ship is so underrated to me... they could have been... so much more. but why weren't they? did Yeva abandon ever getting close to Uzi when she was a kid after Nori died? did Uzi and Doll just never play around together as kids when their mothers were so close? were they ever close and something went wrong as they grew older? at worst they could have been like sisters together, and at best maybe more than friends. i just dont know what happened here, like Yeva could have tried to keep an eye on Uzi, maybe Uzi could have found Dolls powers so cool before having them too- i dont know theres literally tons of possibilities- but if Doll deserved to be saved or cared for by anyone, at least one of them should have been Uzi... sigh.

ThadxV- Killingblonde, yall this is... the cutest shit... ever???? like from here on out we kinda go into the more or less crackship territory but these two are adorable- Dumbass yet wholesome jock boy that just wants to keep his queen happy 😔👌👌👌 He and Uzi would have so much to talk about on "crushing on literal murder bots that stabbed and almost ate us" its literally love at first stab smhhh 😫💕

ThadxSam- Smokyjock ???? for some fucking reason??? i dont know what my brain did here man- i just like the trope of someone getting under Thads skin- like pair up the healthy sports loving gym boy with the lazy but wholesome dumbass that does drugs or is always just sleep deprived and Thad is always trying to just... take care of his ass and make him take care of himself but he just WONT SMHHH-

okay some more or less crack ships down here:

ThadxN: it speaks for itself. its too adorable and youll go blind from the light of wholesomeness-

ThadxNxUzi: Uzi will die here from the overwhelming wholesomeness... oh bonus if its just a 4s polycule of ThadxNxUzixV i mean i know im pushing my luck but.... random crackships go brr- V and Uzi will complain but love their dumbass golden puppy partners-

ThadxUzi: i think they could have been close and Thad caring about her as a childhood friend turned crush sounds just too cute for me 😔

LizzyxUzi: another random ass rivals to lovers or some shit idk what this is, Lizzy would pay Uzi to kiss the fuck out of her i dont make the rules-

ThadxLizzy: in some cases where they are NOT headcanoned as siblings or cousins, i think they have a good energy of wholesome jock bf and girly queen cheerleader lol, Thad is just a good bf eitherway-

DollxUzixLizzy: the gals would not leave a single second of silence for the small gremlin i swear to God- [Uzi is gay as FUCK for her gfs, absolute girloser unit with her gorgeous but crazy gfs]

okay for the end i have some characters that arent ships but i wish they could have become closer as friends or work out their issues...

J and N- too much abuse and toxicity here, i wish they could talk together more and see they have a lot of things in common- maybe a full line of dialogue from J without threatning N in every sense of the manner would be nice for a change =_=

Doll and V- again, a bit morally ambiguous to ship a character with the murderer of your family, esp when said murderer hasnt expressed regret lmao, but i wish they could at least be friends... Dolls disdain for the murder drones pushed her to end up the way she did. maybe if she didnt do it alone she would have been alive by now. so i like to think what would have happened if she and V could have made up- not necessarily Doll forgiving her- but at least having the space to grow and understand why they did they things that happened.

Cyn and literally ANYONE- i want the solver to be SEPARATE from Cyn- i wish Cyn would have still existed somewhere down there and was savable- i wish this poor child AI had a happy ending to her by connecting with the others as ACTUAL siblings... goddamnit 😔

aaaand thats it for this fine ass day 🫡 yall are welcome to ask about any of these- boy the tags are gonna be.... a lot.

#snow rambles #murder drones #uzi doorman #tessa james elliot #nuzi #biscuitbites #vuzi #violetviolence #envuzi #violentbitingbiscuits #jessa #j x tessa #envy murder drones #envy #n x v #solverlilies #bloodypink #dollzi #bloodybats #dizzy murder drones #killingblonde

[moonlit-positivity]

Something nobody is gonna tell you as a child abuse survivor is that you're gonna have to fight your way through your childhood in order to fully live and survive in this world. There are still adult responsibilities you are gonna have to claw your way through understanding and painstakingly asking for advice and learning how to do for yourself. How to apply for a job, how to do an interview, how to file taxes, how to get an apartment, how to keep track of bills and rent, how to establish and keep track of your credit, how to keep yourself from bankruptcy, how to get a doctor, how to get insurance, how to have a stable life all on your own. And this shit is 1000x harder to understand when you've got repressed memories of abuse, violence, sexual assault, etc. constantly interfering with your daily life not to mention the hopelessness that comes with having your entire body and soul shredded from such a young age. You are already so tired just from having to escape, what the fuck you mean now I gotta worry about bills n shit too??? Fuck that. So please please please know that you are so strong for continuing to live even despite the failures and the trials and the errors and the adjustments and the things you dont know how to do just yet and the things you might be too scared to ask for help in understanding. In this world where people shun you for not just googling shit on your own these days just know that you are not alone in this. There is someone out there just like you who is also struggling too, it's me, hi im that person. We can help each other get through this together.

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #mental health #healing #boundaries #bpd #trauma positivity #trauma survivors #positivity #addiction #homelessness #self love #self esteem #self improvement #growth #advice #compassionate reminders #affirmations #validation #avpd #avoidance #denial #home ec

[astroyongie]

i honestly feel like i was born in the wrong era. either im too old for something or someone or im past the point of being able to achieve something. then when looking at how all these kpop groups are so young yet successful and talented just makes me question why i didnt do something like that.

we didnt have kpop in my school time but why couldnt i have just picked something and stuck with it? on top of it i believe im never going to fit anyones ideal type so whats the point in existing cause no one gonna truly get to know me.

unless i can somehow pass away before im 50 then i dont have to continue to think about all this shit and how i shouldve done better or i shouldve picked such and such a career and i shouldve tried to put myself out there more but in my age theres really nothing out there to seek when its all handed to younger generations.

and i would want to have my own success based on my own effort but have fallen short in so many ways its impossible to not find something i could do about it bc im too far behind and it does get to a point where you think that it is too late bc in order to gain any talent you have to have done it from a young age.

i dont want to rely on someone else to do it for me but i couldnt do it myself due to personal situations. yet i feel like thats an excuse cause once again all these young idols seem to be ro have something about them that makes their life a success. like yes the end inudstry is far from perfect but thats what people have been seeking themselves so it cant all be that bad all the time for them if these groups including older age groups have went out got success and even they get all the benefits of the super rich lifestyle but at the same time money doesnt bring true happiness and it seems a very shallow way they live sometimes, they have a supply and demand contract with their audiences and rely so much on social media which although i use it im not attached to it and i cant relate to obsessing over latest dance trend. i also want to stop the woe is me narrative but its really fucking hard to not feel so ashamed, behind or negative about things.

the most advice people gove is bog standard like if ur bored, go out more but its hard not to feel left out, if ur loney go find someone, if u dont have an income go get a job its literally never that simple. even in education you still have to pay for it as an adult meaning you have to already have a job but even then theres still means of you getting misjudged for your age and classmates have already done that to me before it wasnt that fun. its like saying to someone depressed to go take medicine to take away the feeling.

idk what im doing anymore besides waiting to randomly pass away so i can be done with this shite. sorry for ranting so much but idk who else to speak too bc no one else never seems to understand my frustrations with the way things have panned out.

Comparing yourself to others people archievement is the worst thing you can do. because we are all different, we all go through different shits (just like you rightfully said) and not all of us have the same opportunities presented. beating yourself up for that is a cruel thing to do wishing yourself.

It does also seem like you struggle a lot with self worth, self love and that is probably because never once someone complimented you for the things that you have achieve (to this point were you believe you havent achieved anything).

Love, hatred that you carry is a motivator, and you need to accept one thing. as long as you are breathing nothing is to late to archive, as long as you are here you should be kinder to yourself. because why are you comparing yourself to idols? I often say this here but when was it the last time you appreciated life? when was the last time you went out, stared at the ocean, at the night sky, breathed into a forest, when was the last time you felt a sense of peace? seek that out. dwelling on what we could have been is cruel hun, and not helping you in any kind <3

its okay to rant, dont worry, I hope I dont sound to harsh either, its just that I pains me seeing you guys going through so much suffering when I promise you all, darkness cannot live without light. just find your way back to it, often you dont need a big reason. sometimes the most tiny thing can be a source of happiness, seek yours !

[istherewifiinhell]

okayyyy also. tagged by @joelletwo for 5 topics i could talk about for an hour with no prep.

now. two things. 1. i have infernal podcast dude energy and could say a lot about nothing. weird trait to have if u dont like talking to people? hard to say. 2. GESTURES AT BLOG. im ALREADY. talking at length abt my beloved shit. so im just ruling out turtles, alien robots, trek, etcetcetc all the shit thats been a main blog topic for the last past. 4 years?

I'm gonna say.... western voice actors? not that i could really. Give a lecture so much as. I'm way more familiar with them that than I am live action actors. And I'm kinda just CONSTANTLY like. Oh you know so and so from every cartoon youve ever fucking seen? And FEEL a real. gap. with people when they dont have a same reference point. probably like how ppl feel with me when i dont know their acting guys jhadbgjfga. Like u can name 5 VAs from ur childhood cartoons/animated movies right? And personal interest like, hey btw u know like the entire cast of tng was in disneys gargoyles? U know keith david can SING? And diego luna? Hey you know about Canadian actors who are in all the dubs and video games and yeah cheap shit? You know Scott McNeil right? You know Ian James Corlett? You know. THE IAN. of being Ian. Hello. is this thing still on?

I really like and care about the topics of education, children's rights and pedagogy? Not academically so much as, personal interest. What seeing very clearly that there was a lot of arbitrary rules that involved things like. The Government. and Systems. as a child does to a motherfucker I guess? I'm always INTERESTED in a discussion about it, is how i mean I guess. Like focuses of multiple intelligence and "applied knowledge" (and short comings there of). I mean long and short of it. Kids are full human beings and until u can grapple with that their feelings and opinions um. Actually matter. I hate you? jdhbgjhdb. And Naturally the world being good for kids has the prerequisite of it not sucking ass for adults too....

UHhhh guh. User design/civil engineering? You'll hear it from me until the day I die, crushed under the tires of a ford f1 giga truck with the LED 20million watt bulbs. PROTECTED BIKE LANES. for the love of god. I just know a lot of designers I guess and like engineering, conceptually. But like, u know that famous bridge everyone crashes into. If theres 80million warning signs and people are still crashing... maybe theres. other factors. Or you know ofc like, traffic planning, vehicle accidents, structural disasters. A lot of them are not just. Things happening. Tragedies. There's politics there. Usually a lot of Money stuff. and structural racism. The real reason your fridge is full is that there's a bunch of half empty condiment jars hiding all your forgotten left overs. And widening the roads isnt gonna do shit for traffic.

Jackass entry: Themes and motifs of anyyytthing ive watched with another person or saw, and like they also know it. I realllly like, visual theming and narrative shorthands. Anything that breaks like, maybe people in this setting dont have the same customs, but their gonna do something so you the audience can recognize it. Non literal/accurate use of colour and lighting, for mood and clarity. Breaking the physical shape and scale of things so they can appear and be readable on screen. COSTUMING COSTUMING COSTUMING. A well styled character can do soooo much for your understanding of a work, especially with large casts, and a poorly styled one can take me right out. Well. anyway. yes i love animation u all knew that.

uhhhhh Thatgamecompany/giantsquids studio. im giving myself a free space. lol technically I DO. blog about this. the music. at least. BUT beloved. games. Me and everyone else I guess. Hey speaking of u know its laura bailey and troy baker as the voices in the pathless? And you know how a lot of the games have themes of coming into being/growing/rebirth. And LOTS of environmentalism. And implied cultural world building, and wordless stories. and beautiful metaphor rich otherworldly visuals. and gameplay styles that really connect with the emotional story their going for. and ofc, the music. oh the leit motifs. well. there u go. sword of the sea when?

tagginggg. uh did anyone get @deadgrantaires or @army-of-bee-assassins yet? anyone elseeee who wants to regale me with things they knowww about. id love to know.

#some shit #KINDA. gave up. cause i hampered myself with the restriction not my fandoms. jadgbdhf BUT YALL ALREADY KNOWWWWW i could take u thru #my fav mirage issues or like. my favourite implications of tf stuff. #like. all the things i like to watch and like. this is a story about familys. or rebellion. or why people care about each other. #why its important to keep living. and everything iver ever blogged about. lmao #i also skipped on things like. cool machinery i like or how products are WORSE now days. even tho. djjhdbfj. if i have to talk to a #less known person i would consider those like. safety topics. dgjhdf #if u wanted to be really vague i could to a tangential daisy chain all themed around the colour blue. ofc.

[daltonsgirl69]

Unhealthy Obsession

a/n hiii angels! sorry for the wait im backkk and i will have the next chapter out soon if you want to be apart of the tag list let me know and i will add you:)) Updated: hi pookies I'm in the car rn traveling to Louisiana from cali so i have alot of time on my hands to try and finish some stories that are in my drafts:) btw dont be shy request stuff:))

tag list: @quicksilversg1rl @pearls4valentine @adamsbubblegumbitch @urhotfathdr

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

part one

part two

part three

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tw: 18+ If you don't like smut then please don't read… beyond this there is partying, underage drinking and smoking, adult language, sex, fingering, touching, and kissing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

part four: time of my life

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had just walked out the front door just in time for Charlie to be pulling up. You walked over to his car about to get the door when he gets out and walks over to you.

“you look gorgeous.”

you smile “Why thank you Charlie”

“Here lemme get the car door” he opens the door

“thank you” You aren’t used to anyone guys acting like gentlemen considering your father was a dipshit and every guy you’ve dated has been a complete dumb fuck. You get in the car and asure him your all good and he shuts the door. He gets in and looks over at you.

“you do look beautiful y/n” This makes you smile as you look into his blue eyes. Every time you do you get lost in his eyes you glance over every facial feature he is like art perfect.

“thank you Charlie you don’t look too bad yourself,” you said with a smirk he was wearing dark blue jeans a white button-down, and black Converse. You put on your seatbelt and smiled at him. “thank you haha. Okay, are you ready to go?”

“yeah yeah when we get there ill help you set everything up” You smiled he had already started driving “Really? Thank you thank you I wasn't gonna ask you too I didn't wanna make your work cause I mean I invited you as a guest yk?” you giggled “no yeah its okay char of course ill help do you know when Robbie is gonna get there?”

“yeah he should be there around 7:15 ish so we will have just a little time where it's just us” You were looking down at your thighs playing with your ring. You look up at Charlie's hands on the steering wheel. Holy fucking shit he has nice hands I bet he is good with them. You thought to yourself.

Then charlie said “Are you okay? your staring…”

“wait huh oh sorry,” you say trying not to make it awkward knowing you just got caught staring at his hands. You start to say something when you're cut off by his hand finding its way to your thigh. You look and his hand and then at him your cheeks starting to go pink.

He doesn't look at you. All he says is. “well this is what you wanted right? I mean why else would you be staring at him? I bet you imagining more than just this tho right?” he says in a teasing tone. You froze unable to respond. Dear god, you thought charlie walker was this shy nerdy virgin who had never touched a woman where the fuck did this confidence come from.

“I- uhm yeah” you stammer out. You take a deep breath and find some confidence and put your hand on top of his and move it towards your inner thigh a bit. You see him start to blush knowing his boost of confidence was coming to an end and he was getting nervous. It was honestly cute because you knew you were his weakness. But just as you thought he was too nervous to do anything else. He moves his hand up your dress. His hand is resting just below your panties.

When he does this your breath hitches. At this point, it wasn’t a want it was a need you could feel yourself throbbing you needed him to keep going.

Just as you were gonna say anything you guys pull into this dirt parking lot where there is an old barn which is where the sabbathon is taking place. He removes his hands from your thigh and parks. You grab your bag and decide to fix your lipgloss real quick when you're done you see Charlie getting the car door again. “you are so beautiful” he says while admiring you. You get out of the car. “thank you char” He shuts the car door and you turn to face him. You look up at him. You wanted to kiss him. while using the triangle method he put moves your hair out of your face and behind your ear. “can I kiss you?”

Without responding you kiss him. The kiss slowly turning to a make out he has you pinned against the car his hands exploring your body. In between kisses he murmurs “so perfect”. He starts kissing down your neck leaving a few hickies on your neck and collarbone. He bites you a bit on your neck causing you to whimper. His hands travel down your body and up your dress. “Wait,” you say. “is everything okay” he stops kinda scared he did something wrong. “what time did you say Robbie is gonna be here?”

“around 7:1-” his phone rings. It's Robbie he picks it up

“Hello?”

“I'm sorry Charlie is running a little bit late ill probably be there around 7:30”

“it's okay dont worry me and Y/n can set up I don't think people are gonna start showing up till at least 8:30”

“ok ok see you at 7:30 maybe”

-he hangs up the phone-

Charlie turns back towards you and smiles. “well Robbie is running a lil late but do you wanna go inside n set up so we can chill out till people get here?”

“sure” You guys grab a few things out of the car and the chairs are already inside you just had to set them up. Charlie set up the projector and stuff while you set up chairs. When you guys are done you can't wait any longer and throw yourself onto him kissing him hard. he puts his hands on your waist backing you into the wall. This time he doesn't wait to slide his hands into your panties drawing small circles on your clit causing you to whimper but you are trying to stay quiet

“nono I want to hear your pretty noises angel” he kisses you while pumping and curling two fingers in and out of your aching pussy. You moan into the kiss knowing your gonna cum soon. “Charlie” you whimper out “Yes angel?” he says

“m gonna cum” he continues pumping his finger in and out a little harder and touches your clit. You are a whimpering mess. “Shh shh, I know I know” You feel the pressure in your stomach release as you whimper his name and cum all over his hands. taking a few deep breathes you look up at Charlie. “you did so well for me angel” he says

“Now be good open up” You open your mouth and suck his fingers clean. “good girl,” He says while having a hand on your jaw making you look up at him. He Gives you a quick kiss and pulls you into a hug hands around your waist and slightly rubbing your back. “you did so good are you okay?”

“yes I'm okay thank you Charlie I didn’t know you were so good with your hands” you kinda giggle and pull out from the hug. “well I’ve thought abt this situation a lot and I just wanna make you feel good” What you didn’t know is thinking about this happening isn’t the only thing he has done. But we will get to that another time. He checks his phone its 7:45 and robbie isnt here yet but kirby is parking and walks in to you and charlie standing close together looking at his phone and giggling at something. Kirby is jealous but doesn't say anything abt it.

“hiii” you look up to see kirby

“Helloo Kirby” You hug her and she hugs Charlie but not a friend hug you notice but shove it off. “I have drinks in my car and Jill is on her way. Also I few of the football players are picking up a keg”

“Okay cool,” Charlie says smiling at Kirby. You can see the way he looks at her. You wonder if you're just reading too much into things Or if Kirby had a chance with him. Like I know he was just making out with you and fingering you but you honestly thought he wanted her.

It’s hard because Kirby is your friend and you font wanna let a boy come between you guys but Charlie wasn’t just any boy you were falling for him And you couldn’t risk losing him…

#rory culkin #i need him #charlie walker #rory culkin is so fine #husband #charlie walker fanfic #long hair boys #rory is so fine #charlie walker smut #on my knees rn #unhealthy obession

[zeteroxx]

dni list (about time i made this):

CLARIFICATION: INTERACTING MEANS FOLLOWING, SENDING ASKS, REBLOGGING, LIKING, ETC TO ANYTHING I POST OR REBLOG. IF YOU WANNA REBLOG SOMETHING I REBLOGGED, BUT YOU FIT INTO DNI, REBLOG THE OP's POST. NOT MINE.

proshipper (im 14 ofc i don't wanna see people who are MY AGE being shipped with adults. ive already been sexualized twice, and god thats way more than anyone should have to deal with. twice was wayyyy too many times. twice doesnt sound like a lot, and thats because it isnt, and its still wayyyyyyyyyyyy too many times.)

shotacon (see above)

queerphobic (duh (also im queer))

racist (duh (also im asian))

friends/supporters with/of tosteur-gluteal, theokusgallery, dommarhooober, tazawaki, or pennpenn

friends with the above knowing they are those things (if you dont know ur chill, but do stop being friends with them. if you cant do that, im gonna have to block you (too nervous to keep being friends with you at that point))

neutral on the above topics

anti-endosystem

truscum? (idk if this is the right term but basically people gatekeeping being queer fuck off)

transautistics (for the love of god its not quirky; it sucks massive dick. being autistic sucks. fuck off if you want this shit. you only want it because you dont recognize or care about the fucking landfill of negatives, you just think "awww silly retard so cute and quirky i wanna be like that." FUCK OFF.)

a dick (duh if ur a fuckin asshole no shit i dont wanna interact with you)

anti-palestine or pro-israel (fuck the israeli government; jewish people are absolutely allowed to interact with me though. no hate to jewish people, only to the israeli government and its supporters)

keep in mind that even if you dont fall onto this list, i may block you. this is by no means a complete list. im just a 14 year old who wants to reblog art and maybe post some of its writing/creative works that it does.

also, because I'm paranoid, i wanna make something clear: if i block you, it will most likely stay that way. forever. if ive blocked you, don't try to reach out to me on tumblr. if you know my discord, thats a bit different; im okay with friends reaching out to me there. i doubt this bit will ever come into affect, but still putting it out here.

thats it i guess idfk

wow this was long

#hello tumblr anyways to the shadow realm with a very specific portion of you

[forlorn-crows]

Oh boy maybe it’s the fever making me brave but here we go! Cumulus!! Everyone characterizes her as super fem, very soft, care-giver type, very maternal. And I think it’s her shape. As someone with the same body type, I’m not that at all. I feel like she’s more the type to enjoy the finer things in life, be waited on hand and foot, step on someone’s balls if she feels like it. And if someone tried to latch on to her like they were nursing???? Annihilated. (I’m sorry I respect everyone elses’s HCs I swear please do not yell at me) I think she expects those around her to act like an adult and I am sure she is of course willing to be supportive, a shoulder to cry on etc like a normal friend. But NOT LIKE YOUR MOMMY. And expecting her to act like that while you’re fucking? No. NO! (Again I respect everyone’s opinions I’m sorry!)

i swore i saved all the cumulus specific ones to add to this one but alas, i guess i answered them all already lmao.

anyway. i think your ask is a perfect example of something i said earlier about trans ghouls, where one person's experience might lend them to liking something more than the other. and i hope the following things im gonna say a) make sense (lmao) but b) show a little bit of a different perspective or idea about this topic.

firstly, yes. it is absolutely true that cumulus has been deemed the 'mom' of the group. and i absolutely know that part of it probably does stem from internalized fatphobia, as well as societal stereotypes about fat women. that in order for them to be likeable they have to fit the traditional idea of femininity, to be maternal, to be 'done-up' and pretty and presentable at all times. that their worth is based on their ability to care for others. and thats fucking bullshit, and something i obviously, as a fat woman, dont condone.

on the other hand, the way i see cumulus, to most people, probably fits that mom friend type. and i can absolutely understand how you and others see that and go 'i look like her and im tired of being represented as such'. which is so fucking valid. but i cant deny that part of me projects that mom friend type of myself onto cumulus specifically because i look most like her. she's sweet. she's caring. shes supportive and loyal to her friends. she's got a beautiful, round, soft body that i wanna snuggle up to. and i know thats surface level shit. but i feel like i see her and she's just warm and kind.

but you know what? she's also a bit loud. likes to tease. DESERVES to be treated like the princess that she is. she's goofy. maybe shes clumsy. she gets crazy fuckin bedhead and has to spend so long untangling it. and i bet she serves a real sexy aloofness if you get her in the right mood. to me she's that mom friend trope. but thats not all she is, just as thats not all i am. and not at all how you would see yourself.

like i mentioned a little bit ago, i dont think there's anything wrong with having a character have a little bit of stereotype in them. but it does have to be balanced out. shes not JUST the mom friend. and something too that i do agree with you is, while i might label her that, she's not the pack's mother. she isnt their caretaker. they arent her children. i dont think they would treat her as such or assume that of her, if that makes sense. and yeah, totally understandable about the mommy during sex thing, or the nursing or whatever. a lot of that is more kink territory too, so if its not for you, then its not for you!

if anything, i always imagine aether to be running around making sure everyones got their shit together (even though we know he doesnt). and absolutely no ones forcing him to wear that damn frilly apron he always seems to be wearing in the kitchen . . . hmm . . .

but! i also see sunny as more of that warm, caregiving type personality too. as well as a boundless thing of energy. i def dont want cumulus to be pigeonholed into the 'mom' of the group either. but i still have certain ideas about how she is that could be labeled as such. you and everyone else is right that that's not all she is.

we just have to write her more. dig into her character. put her into those situations we want to see and that also challenge those two dimensional aspects of her trope character

i know that i push a little bit against that dislike of the mom thing. i dunno. but she's our lus and i love her very much, and would really like to see her more in the artwork & writing space <3

#obviously the 'you' is almost always the generalized you in this context lol #but i hope you get what i mean! #ask #midnight-moth #i fully acknowledge i project a lot of myself onto her hahaha #but shes got many other things about her

[ariesbilly]

misc. tag game

tagged by @blood-mocha-latte

a band you don’t like that many others do:

maneskin... tried a couple songs, wanted to like them.... cant do it

a childhood memory that you remember vividly:

this costume contest i refused to enter because my costume was boring and i knew i was gonna lose by the adults were like "no just join come on itll be fun" and i was like... already consumed by the darkness at that point lmfao and i sat watching everyone crying. fun! lmfao

least favorite animal and why:

i hate a snake. i respect their role in the ecosystem but dont you ever put one near me. dont put one within 5 miles of me. no. i dont trust anything that slithers bitch aint got no legs! i dont like that. and the striking? dont like that either. i have to stop talking about them now im genuinely uncomfortable

hot fandom take:

steve harrington is not a good character. he is badly written. yall only like him cuz you think joe is hot. thats literally it. the man has literally zero positive qualities. apply this to every other loved st character as well theyre all bad the show sucks i hope everyone dies

do you were any jewelry, if so, what’s your favorite piece:

i wear a friendship bracelet and a rope bracelet i got on a cruise (i forgot what theyre called. sailor bracelets or something?) and thats about the extent of my jewelry wearing

a movie others liked but you didn’t:

i don't think i've ever cognitively watched a movie and thought that i loved it or hated it. i'm usually just like Well That Sure Was A Movie. <- im keeping prevs because thats what wildest thing ive ever read in my life i need to study you lmfao as for my answer, insidious movies are bad. youre next is bad. many movies this website loves i havent even seen but i know they are bad thats why i havent watched them.

three things you love about yourself:

my hair is getting real cute lately. i am a huge bitch. i stare at my butt a lot i think its fun

a place you hope to visit in the future and why:

italyyyy i want to trace my roots

an actor that gets on your nerves and why:

idk if theres actors i have beef with for their personality lmao several i dont like because they are overhyped and im sick of seeing them. ariana grande she counts as an actress i cant stand her lmfao the vibes are rancid also stop dating married (taken) men its gross its weird

things you’re excited for in the nearby future?:

for my dog to finally be healed from her surgery cuz god its a lot of working making sure she dont pop her stitches

least favorite ship in a fandom you’re in:

if stancy is endgame im setting fires to buildings i want you all to know this. also fuck a steddie and a ronance but that goes without saying

what’s the most toxic fandom you’ve been in?:

stranger things. riverdales a close second but stranger things... you are all genuinely mentally unwell i would like to speak to your therapists and tell them shit aint working

list three things you find beautiful about life:

the ocean my best friend the ocean. animals just be out here looking for pets... brings a tear to my eye. im really struggling for a third life is bad lmfao my best friend? thats it.

any dreams for the future?

i try not to think about the future it gives me panic attacks

how are you really feeling today?

sleepy

tagging (no pressure): @panickedpenguin @avalonlights @ihaveacorgi @imsodishy

[magnoliamyrrh]

something hysterical abt how im seeing this new trend of blaming online radfems who bitch abt men for the misogyny of boys lmaooooo. common now, youre fucking kidding me. boys arent getting worse because they stumbled across the blog of a woman talking shit abt her opressors. theyre getting worse because theyre watching porn by 8 frequently sharing it among each other and this is leading to younger and younger boys raping girls; like, we have 10 year old boys raping their younger sisters after watching porn. this boy children raping after porn thing is a international phenomenon. they're misogynistic because theyve seen it in adults their whole lives and its been encouraged in them too. theyre sexist because children are smart and like spunges, they absord whatever is around them. they are sexist because theyve been watching sexist af youtubers and personalities and shows and movies and family members. theyre sexist because society has already drilled a sense of superioirty and entitlement into them, and when they come across feminism it doesnt vibe with that. the idea that boys are some sort of uwu innocent beings and the Evil Tumblr Radfems are turning them into sexists is so funny. bro when i was literally in Preschool boys were being sexually perverse, theyd grab at our underwear and clothes and try to break into our bathrooms 24/7, we couldn't even piss without two other girls holding the bathroom door while the rest of us went. they'd try to kiss us without consent. and Adults just thought this shit was funny or unimportant or whatever and let boys be boys and never taugbt them boundaries. by early elementary theyd share porn among themselves and say the grossest fucking things to us and the sexual harassment just got worse; one of the guys in our class was kicked out (after years of harassment) when we were like 10 bc it got so bad.

this was in the early 2000s. no evil radfem internet megamind was making boys wack, they just were because theyre being raised as members of the opressive class. and again, this was 2000s, its only gotten worse. and yup women are allowed to say they hate men online because members of the opressed class are indeed allowed to express emotion, misandry isnt a real damn issue more than racism against white people is and its absolutely pathetic that so many on here thing MiSaNdRy is a real issue because liberal "feminism" is all abt mens uwu hurt feelings and coddeling ur opressors. and you know. why is it that with This we must act like we cant post shit online because hypothetically children will see - but with everything else its fine. like yea i wouldnt talk to a 10 year old boy abt feminism like i would on here but guess what. also wouldnt talk to children about sexual slavery like i do on here. im not gonna stop posting abt either because of that - adults have a responsability when it comes to childrens fandoms and whatever; dont mean we have to censor every damn thing

Oh and also. lets be clear this concept that boys are turning wack because of a few angry online women (who libfems hate anyway because ohh noo how dare you ever be mad or angry at men) is just hysterical because. girls live with the psychological impacts of men and larger society irl hating them and seeing them as less human and molesting them and murdering them and committing a genocide agains them 24/7. and yet. somehow girls dont become insane sexists who want to rape and enslave boys and men nor do they actually do so

#whatever happens the evil bitch women are always somehow at fault lmao #come fucking on

[boypussydilf]

aw hey another relationships ask. how about sae and akechi? (platonically if thats not obvious,) vastly interested in hearing your opinion

OH MY GOD I HAD NOT EVEN CONSIDERED THEM. CAN WE TALK ABOUT SAE AND AKECHI IVE BEEN DYING TO TALK ABOUT SAE AND AKECHI “youre literally about to talk about them” I AM}!??!?!? SWEET!!!!! literally i saw i had an ask and i was like oh man I’ll probably have to save it for tomorrow and then i saw what it was and was Instantly restored to Full Health. my HP bar is massive and so is my brain. anyway this is once again gonna turn into kind of a big post so

describe their canon relationship/dynamic

SAE NIIJIMA. AND GORO AKECHI. HAVE. THE LITERAL FUNNIEST DYNAMIC OF ANY CHARACTERS IN ANY PIECE OF MEDIA, EVER.

They’re, like, coworkers, which is already incredible bc they’re like. a 27 year old woman and a 17 year old boy. i dont actually know how old sae is but you get the idea. can you imagine being sae and working so hard to earn a position & respect as a young female prosecutor and then theyre like. can you confer with this Teenage Prettyboy. shes so strong for not just walking out.

But It Gets Better. Every interaction they have is stellar. The very first time we see them interact, which is also The First Time We See Akechi, At All, is, god i dont remember the Actual conversation they have i only rememebe the end of it, the most important part: akechi trying to get sae to buy him sushi and looking so miserable and pathetic when she’s like “only the cheap stuff :/“. Fucking…. incredible. 10/10 introduction to their dynamic all on its own. I cannot remember if akechi ever asks her to get him sushi again in the game or if im recalling something that happened in the anime or a fanfic. but. god its so funny. akechi, AKECHI, trying to pester this adult woman he works with into treating him to food. and her refusing. its incredible i could talk in circles abt how good this is for years.

and then it gets even funnier bc of like. the scene where sae realizes that Her Laptop Has Been Tampered With, and she asks akechi if He did it because they had a Disagreement recently. sae thinks akechi is petty enough to like. illegally take important and classified case information from her computer. over some difference of opinion that like, i imagine we see in the game, but if we do its so Understated that ive never noticed it. and she goes Did you try to get revenge on me. you bitch. like its so so funny

AND IT STILL GETS FUNNIER. BECAUSE. makoto says like. she got the impression sae had more trust & respect for akechi than for her. Sae is like “this guy I work with can be annoying and full of himself but he’s genuinely smart and he gets the job done i respect that” and then the guy in question is A TEENAGE CELEBRITY.

I don’t think we ever get to see akechi talk about sae all that much but like. It seems like he does Genuinely Like Her. And also is constantly passive aggressive at her!

In conclusion i. They’re incredible. They’re coworkers, theyre enemies, theyre very good friends with deep respect and even a kind of admiration for each other, theyre one businesswoman and the weird as hell teenager she works with that she feels compelled to be nice to because she has a little sister his age.

your ideal/headcanon version of it? how does it differ from how it is in canon & why is this your favorite version? any other alternate versions of it you enjoy?

Again yet another case of like. ^ All That is just like. Their actual canon interactions. I cant improve on that. The only way it can be made better is by having More of it. GOD I wish we got more of it. Oh also I think they talk shit about other people theyve both worked with together. With the utmost professionalism.

what do you like about their relationship, why is it interesting or enjoyable to you?

theyre a combo of “GOD i want akechi to have friends. so bad” + “This is the funniest thing ive ever seen. in my life” i wish i was big brain enough to come up with something as riotously hilarious as their dynamic. the whole concept is so singularly unique. i dont know if that was even INTENTIONAL. its all There and it just gets skimmed over. just….. completely fascinating

what about the individual characters involved? what does this relationship mean to them, what makes it unique among their relationships?

*sobbing and blubbering* what if… goro akechi… had friends and people he cared about… even if he wont fully admit it or tries to avoid it… Like legit that’s. theyre. theyre like friends. i keep going to say They Get Along but they do not get along. but they are. friends. mostly in a Work Friends kind of way but still. & like. i think itsjust inevitable that as an Older Sibling sae will see people younger than her & feel Urge To Watch Over Them And Make Sure Theyre OK even without any like Personal Attachment. *sae voice* i guess i have to take care of this annoying fucking kid because NO ONE ELSE IS!!

of course agaun they also both just have Professional Respect for each other. as well.

favorite interaction they have in canon

AGAIN. THE ONES I LISTED @ THE BEGINNING. AKECHI TRYING TO MAKE SAE BUY HIM QUALITY SUSHI AND SAE ACCUSING HIM OF BEING EVEN MORE PETTY THAN HE IS. 10/10 SITUATIONS

favorite interaction they have in your head/a situation you want to put them in

ACTUALLY I HAVE NO IDEA. I JUST WANT TO SEE THEM INTERACT MORE FULL STOP. i think anything they did together would be funny

#thank you thank you gotd theyre so #theyre my favorites why is everyone not talking about them all the time #basilask #persona 5 #< for my own organization <3

[zhalar]

I feel like HOT! EMOTIONAL! GARBAGEEEEEEE.

how much stuff must an ""adult"" own to live their life without daily hurdles!!! Why is it always dirty somehow in this apartment!!!! Dishes!!! Laundry!!! Vaccuuming!!!! Im supposed to start school the first of august but im not sure if ive actually even been accepted to the school!!!!! To be totally honest i almost hope i havent been!!! Im so fucking scared!! I dont know how to learn new things and i dont know how to kickstart my brain to function in that way and i dont know where i can find HELP!!!!! I have to go grocery shopping EVERY WEEK. AND MAKE FOOD FOR MYSELF!!!! everythings so fucking overwhelming!!! Im not doing anything!! Im envious of everyone else my age!!!!! I want top surgery!! I want to get on T!!!! IM SO FUCKING SCARED TO EVEN CHANGE MY NAME THO!!!!!!! My fear of throwing up has never been as clearcut and CONSTANT as its been this past year!!!! Its fucking ruining my life i think!!!! SUMMERS GONNA END SOON WHY ARE THERE BACK TO SCHOOL STANDS IN SHOPS ALREADY!!! Im not the person i want to be yet on any level!!!!! Idk how to reach out to people!!!! NOTHING INTERESTS ME OR MOTIVATES ME!! IM NOT PASSIONATE ABOUT ANYTHING. I want to buy a tablet!!!! I dont need a tablet!!!!! I want control over my life!!!! I WANNA MOVE!! I WANNA CREATE!! IM SO TIRED ALL THE TIME!!!!! IM ONLY IN MY TWENTIES!!!!!!! I dont know how to cook good!!!!! I hate whining but i cant keep keeping it all inside my brain im going INSANE! WHY HAVENT I READ ANYTHING IN A MONTH!!!! i hate that i cant put stuff up onto my walls in this apartment!!!! Ive got so many dishes!!!!! My fingers hurt and i dont understand why!!!!! I have to start applying for financial support things once again sooner or later and idk if i have the right for 'commuting allowance' from my summer job!!! I BELIEVE IN THE GOOD OF PEOPLE BUT SOME OF THE SHIT MY COWORKERS AND THE FINNISH GOVERNMENT SAY AND DO AND IMPLY IS MAKING IT REALLL FUCKING DIFFICULT. Any time someone asks me about my feelings and thoughts or prompts me to open up about my plans for the future i start to tear up and its EMBARRASING and PROBABLY NOT NORMAL!!!! WHY can i not start on any (creative) project and stick to it until its finished and or i get GOOD at it!!!!! SHIT SUCKS!!!!!! I hate social media!!! I wish i was something in a nobody type of way!!!!! THANK YOU! SORRY LOL

#MAMAAAAA OOOOOOO I DONT WANNA DIE I SOMETIMES WISH ID NEVER BEEN BORN AT ALLLL #särmäs sermons #saturdays am i right #something about the weekend middays. you get insane dont you #as previously stated sorry and also i dont love sharing this all online but writing it in a notebook isnt hitting IT right now #WHEEW i'll be alright im not going to be this age forever i will age one day and despite all the scary shit that THAT brings up #i will be okay. #cuz what else would you.

[lenfantsauvagestuff]

My mom that fucking bitch she says that if she is strict to me (her way to call being mean for absolutely no reason) i will grow up in a disciplined and educated way. She is convinced that she will give me an open and at the same time open mind, and that as an adult i will thank her. But you know what she will actually give me? Starting with dissociations (i already have been having them since at least january), then moving on with an insanely strong hatred towards her, my whole family, society and people in general, and ending (hopefully ending) with some raging addiction that will finish up what she didnt come to. Like i mean i started abusing alcohol at the age of 14 like she even had to bring me to the hospital because i almost ended up in a coma because of vodka and she still thinks her "method to rise healthy, clever and responsible kids" works so good as she thought? Like bitch open yo fucking eyes. How can you not see how down im falling because of you???

And i know that its not totally her fault, but my asperger syndrome its not jus gonna sit there and do nothing, like you have to take that into consideration. You cannot take an autistic person and treat em like a normal one. I need to be spoken in a different way, i need to be grown in a different way. Ever since i was diagnosed she kept saying "come on, you jus struggle a little bit more to have social interactions, but for the rest, youre a totally normal person". Like, no. No im not. And if you still continue to ignore my fucking diagnosis and refuse to understand that i jus function in a different way than you do, then stop asking me why i keep having a mental breakdown every 2 days because the answer is in that piece of paper that the doctor handed you over. Like i mean that diagnosis is there for a fucking reason. Cant you jus lemme wear sound-canceling headphones so that i can stop being constantly deafened by any noises that for you may even seem not that loud? Cuz yes, the doctor explained it to you but in that moment you were thinking about something else and now you think that if i wear sound-canceling headphones will make me get in some accident cuz i cant hear shit. Well at least i wont hear your fucking voice, screaming over and over again for some dumb ass reason. And you also should know that i can have trouble reading other people's facial expressions (i mean but you dont really give a shit). I also dont understand why they do feel that way. So please, if you dont mind: can you please stop screaming at me without even explaining what did i do wrong? Cuz you know its not nice when you are treated this way when you dont know what to do to avoid it next time, or when you simply dont know the reason.

Thats (and not only this) is why you are one of the people that i hate the most. And remember that if i end up killing people, doing drugs or blowing up places it was all your fault. If as soon as i get my driving license i take your car and wrap it around a tree at 300 km/h while drinking and singing out loud vocaloid songs (such a popolare music genre among autistic silly kids), you could have avoided it by jus being a good mom

#lenfantsauvage #autism #tw depressing thoughts #vent #ventcore #tw self destructive behavior #self h@rm #autistic life

[hella1975]

hey I have life advice to ask and if it's not cool then just go ahead and delete this-

I'm gonna be 17 soon and I was pulled out of school due to stuff I couldn't really control, so I dont really have a college/university to expect in about 2 years ish if I cant pull through out of my depression/anxiety and take the GED tests (american testing, its like a substitute for a highschool diploma, which is.... shit idk the differences to england but either way if I cant study and complete 4 giant tests, colleges/universities wont be available to me. I think.). I really could just move about anywhere I'm able to, and there's this place that I really, really love. I've done everything I can to know about it besides GOING there, because it is incredibly far away from my home. Really fucking far. It's been smth of an idea of mine I've held on to a year, like all the towns and places I dive into I just keep coming back to that spot. It feels like the one, like I can't really see myself growing old because of my depression but I can SEE it there, and I've never felt that.

The thing is I know from a few older mutuals of mine (and just other adults in gen) that things can change and while you might go to uni/college for [X Thing] you'll come out with something else you found so you'll now have [Y Thing]. like what you're expecting or want is going to change as you learn more or delve into it. I don't know how much I should take that to heart really? There's this fear that's been placed into me that I can't actually think for myself if I'm always going to be changing. I'm so confident about this rn but what about later? Sorry if this freaks you out too JFNSJMW like we're about 2-3 years apart but it just feels like so MUCH, I wanted your advice since you've got the uni experience I might miss out on

(My family is fine really like they're not going to kick me out or anything, they've just got other problems ig that I'd like to escape from because a lot of what they do has me just.. stuck with myself. It sucks being a teenager because I'm just in the middle of it all)

hi anonstie! sorry for the slow reply to this, i hope im not too late to any decision making. thank you so much for trusting me with this, it's a really scary situation for any teenager deciding on something that seems so defining, let alone with mental illness factors and possible family pressures. trust me I GET THAT. so everything i say is my opinion very tainted by my own bias and personal experiences, but you know that and asked me anyway so im gonna assume we're clear on that okay:

so as someone who not only has the uni experience but overall LOVES uni like could not have picked a better option i love my uni life i love my friends i love my independence so much that i stick doing a subject i HATE bc i love my life here so much - coming from someone in that position, you want to know what i think? if you're not sure about going to uni and genuinely think you'd be happier elsewhere, do not go. im being so serious. university is a challenge, and people know that, but you have to take what you think it's gonna be like and double how hard it really is. it's a fucking culture shock and a half and even those who settle in well (i like to think i did) still have trouble finding their feet, and it's fucking scary. you have to have a level of certainty to manage it. idk maybe im being too extreme here but ive seen so many people who regret uni and are the loneliest they've ever been, and if you already have mental illness weighing on you that's not a boat you want to be in even if you might not end up like that.

the option does not vanish just because you didn't do it at the 'correct' age. i can see ur stress around the exams and while i know fuck all about american education, i refuse to believe there's no ways around it or ways to redo at a later time, or even if you do just wind up with not very good qualifications, somewhere will take you. i was convinced that if i didnt get out of my hometwon at 18 with the natural progression in academia then i would be stuck there forever, and part of me still believes that no matter how silly it is, which is why i outright refuse to drop my subject even on the days when it eats me alive, because i think if i drop out i'll get stuck in my hometown. uni was an escape for me and that's one of the reasons i love it so much. but over time, while it still lingers i wont pretend it doesnt, ive realised how wrong that mindset is. there's so many types of people at university. some people come onto campus with their children. some people are middle-aged. some people just did a gap year. my own flatmate is a second year uni student just like us but she's a year older bc she dropped out of first year bc of covid and reapplied. uni made me realise how common MESSINESS is. i hardly know anyone who got here on the really straight and narrow route, and maybe that's just part of being the covid cohort who knows but there's not a 'correct' way of doing things.

idk i think school is very rigid UNTIL you reach eighteen, and bc the universe is such a bitch you only realise how fluid everything gets post-eighteen ONCE YOUVE MADE THE DECISIONS.

so yeah, if you want to know what i think? chase that place that's calling to you. worst case scenario is it lets you down but you finally scratch the itch; that alone is something to live for. if you ever change your mind, university and that path isn't going anywhere. there's always so much choice, we just sometimes box ourselves in until it feels like there isnt

#i feel for you genuinely you couldnt pay me any money in the world to be 18 and scared again #it's truly fucked how little guidance we get just to turn a corner and realise everything truly is fine #like geniunely things work themselves out and adulthood teaches you that #there are scary awful horrible horrible times of course. but you have autonomy and there's always options #it's not as overwhelming anymore #ask