#most of my classes didnt have group projects either. no dynamic stuff just reading and reading and reading

[piratadelamor]

self isolation as a form of self preservation is going to end up killing me someday

#im already a fucking adult if i dont do something about this shit im gonna be lonely as hell #i just wish i had made friends at college like everyone else #instead of the poor choices of friends i made when i got in for the wrong ideas i had about the type of person i wanted to be #i simply ended up with no friends at the worst place to make friends #imagine me having 8 different classes each semester. each class had about 60 different students #each subject had at least 4 different teachers teaching that so you could choose when and who to take that class with #850 new students each year it was rare to end up on the same class as someone twice #unless you were already friends before and decide to take the classes together #most of my classes didnt have group projects either. no dynamic stuff just reading and reading and reading #it. was. HELL #i actually had like 3 people i could call my friends there but our classes never matched #and im not an easily approachable person i wanted to DIE when i made a friend there that told me she was scared to talk to me before #how many possible friendships i lose all the time for seeming unnaproachable?? for my fucking face bro i cant do shit about it #today my best friend from work also told me that when she first met me she thought i was cold and arrogant #but that i also seemed cool so she was like ok lets give her a chance #i keep fucking hearing it all the fucking time i have MANY friendships that started just like this. people judging me at first #this is so sad and lonely to me i dont wanna be this person #one time a friend also said something like im glad im already your friend id be scared of you if i didnt know you #like????? scared of WHAT. i never treat people badly. i dont fight i dont do gossip i dont do anything to hurt anyone #im always trying to get people together and have fun i always talk to everyone im always nice to everyone #im always trying #so why the hell people still think im unnaproachable #i dont get it i've been hearing this from FRIENDS my whole life. not from people who dont like me its people who LIKE me that say this #what the hell am i doing wrong besides being born with my fucking face #and then. above all. to make it all worse. i self isolate bc im scared of rejection. man i fucking hate being me #i really dont wanna be lonely