Tumgik
#ill try to fix that later im so sorry if it doesnt work out
caluski · 7 months
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today marks another birthday for this sweet, wonderful, kind, and amazing creature that goes by the name Żmija. nearly popping out in the fall, but with her heart as hot and impatient as the sun of july morning, she rushed for the last days of summer where she truly belongs - so of course, a summertime portrait it is :-)
wishing you the happiest and most love-filled of celebrations, @slavicafire -from yours truly and yours forever :-)
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aristotels · 3 months
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Of course all problems and inequalities are direct consequence of modernity and in the past those who are now considered undesirable were considered divine and definitely weren't treated even worse and didn't have access to anything that resembles accomodations. Let's bring those times back!
In Ancient Rome specifically there was no hospitalisation, yes, but also people who were considered mad couldn't make financial and legal operations on their own at all and couldn't be citizens, and were considered pariahs by their communities. This is not to say that you are wrong because you picked the wrong time to see as "when things were better", it's that just because what causes problems now is capitalism doesn't mean that before it people were always kind and caring, everything is much older.
(Or that removing the money would fix everything on its own, for that matter)
are you literally so stupid to fail to see my point
the point isnt "LOOK WHAT THEY TOOK FROM US" the point is that fears and delusions depend on the society youre brought up in; and also sorry that a 5 sentences tumblr post didnt go into history of medical malpractice, it was a lighthearted post made by someone with those very issues
yeah, if i lived then, then id have a different delusion more fit to those times - but it would not resemble my current paranoia or nightmares of being drugged or talked to the way ive had medical staff talk to me bc those things are specific to our society.
(Also you can still have your rights denied for being mentally ill today as well?????? what happened to free britney??? And like My family doctor once literally suggested to my dad to involountary check me into psych ward which was smth my psychiatrist at the time was very much trying to avoid because he KNEW how dehumanizing that is, he spent more than sn hour trying to figure out if my visions of suicide were actual suicide risk or intrusive thoughts; telling me later that he was willing to gamble such a huge risk and responsibility he would have to take in case i actually did smth to myself - just to keep me out of the hospital stay because he worked there and SAW how dehumanizing it is. because getting in the ward here doesnt mean youre done when youre out, this shit affects FUCKLOAD of things in your life!)
are you really trying to be like "LETS TAKE AWAY ACCOMODATIONS FROM PEOPLE WHO SUFFER WOOW GOOD JOB" in my inbox rn btw considering that i am literally schizophrenic w some other mental illnesses, and that i take fucking meds upon meds for it, including antipsychotics??????? and i am also very grateful for those aids, but even with meds my condition will never be resolved and its severity very much depends on the people/society around me. my delusions while living in croatia might differ from someone who lives in the usa.
i literally have no patience or attention or care or anything to argue with you rn, if you wanna discuss political or economical or marxist or whatever theory in my inbox go ahead, but i am NOT arguing about my own fucking lived experience and having you speak to me this way, in an incredibly entitled and dismissive way. its late and im going to bed. i genuinely dont care for your "ummmmm ekshually capitalism is noot thaaat bad-" shit while i keep having episodes on the daily in a big part due to fuckin capitalism. losing my other job is putting me through stress because i have no money, but it also eased up certain aspects of my illness because i dont have to hit hardcore fucking deadlines every week.
p.s. who the fuck is talking about money not existing. if you are gonna bring that up within communist theory and up for a serious discussion thats a whole other thing, but moneyless and stateless society doesnt just rest on tadaaah no money, like theres a reason marx wrote books n essays on that shit and why daddy engels sent him checks. and even in ideal communist world we would still have mental illnesses, but i am absolutely positive that my thoughts would differ than the current ones and that they would probably be less severe. and also why is this implying that communism wont have like the fuckin medication
i usually take care to carefully reply to asks and try to actually give a serious opinion but i gen dont care if i sound incoherent rn, this legit pissed me off
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therealpontius · 1 year
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Money! Money! Money!
I wrote this while being overly stressed with exams so that’s why the readers so moody sorry 🤞
Plot: you just cant get a break can you?…
Warnings: stress/choking/angst
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You hadnt seen you boyfriend for while due to stressfull work, he had been back at his house for once to give you more room for equipment.
It was a scorching day and your schedule was filled with different scenes to film. Jeff liked your camera work the best so always expected you to film more than the rest.
You hadnt had the time to go see chris, bam screaming your name so he could film a couple of skate tricks that would most definitely not make it to the movie but he insisted you done them so he could try show ofd to the medic he had a huge crush on. After ten falls and seven different tricks you got impatient and just walked away, hearing him scream your name behind you and jeff shouting you over at the same time. On your walk over to jeff ehren accidentally ran into you making you drop your camera. "Fuck!" You gasped, picking up your camera as quick as it fell. Ehren had gone and hadnt even said sorry but you couldnt care, jeff still screamed for your name.
"What?!" You groaned finally reaching him "daves got a poop shot to film!" He groaned back, pointing towards dave who squatted over an empty icecream tub. "Hey y/n!" You hear chris shout from abit away, you choose to ignore him knowing that if you draw attention to him he wont leave your side and you really needed space to concentrate. "RECORDING IN THREE... TWO..." jeff called out, giving you enough time to get into focus. "Im dave england and this is..." he continued to shit into the tub, you covering you mouth to drown out your dry heaving noises "... chocolate icecream!" "Cut!" Some of the boys laugh but you just take a deep breath while you could "KNOXVILLE?" Jeff screams beside you breaking you away from your two second mediation. "WHAT?" "GET OVER HERE" the lanky man ran over with a drone.
"Y/n, take some pictures for the photo album with knoxville" jeff said walking away. You hold your hand up to your face and pinch the top of your nose, trying to drown out your stress “need a break doll?” “Yeah but like… ugh it doesnt matter just start the poses” “yes sir!” He smiles, saluting down to you. Johnny does poses such as lift his shirt up and pout as you just spammed the photo button just hoping for the best “hey pontius! Get over here and get some snaps, your little ladys photoing me right now!”
Silently you sigh, you loved chris so much and you loved how clingy he got but it was moments like theses you REALLY didnt need him clinging off you back.
“Were those even words?” You mutter under your breath “yes doll, they were words” johnny mutters back to you as if to say ‘i caught you’. “Hey sweetheart! Mind if i join?” Chris says, kissing your cheek from behind “no no not at all just be quick before jeff starts ordering me around again” you smile, catching his eye “yes ma’am”. Both the men pose together laughing their heads off when johnny put his tongue between his fingers like children. “Y/N?” You hear jeff scream. “Fuck sake, sorry boys ill catch up later” you turn round and swiftly start walking away from them towards the sound of your name. “Not so fast! Im coming with!” Chris says, wrapping his arm around your shoulder “chris baby im really just up to my eyes right now” “thats why im here to help!” Chris looked down at you with a loving smile like he was really going to try and not hold you back. “Right…”
“What took you so long? Steve-os going to recreate the fish scene from the series. A few others tried to film it but never got it i believe you can get it. Oh hey chris” jeff says, walking over to spike. “O’ get in frame its a busy day” you say sternly, fixing up your tripod “yes sir” he bites back, getting himself prepared “steve-o not today, my girlfriends very stressed” chris said in a tone which you werent sure if it was sarcasm or not. “THREE… TWO…” you counted down, nodding when you pressed record. “Im steve-o and im going to swallow this here alive fish and throw it back up!”
While he got up to his stupid shit you walked away from the camera a little, leaving it on its tripod. You closed your eyes to try calm down, the sound of steve-o throwing up and others laughing from god knows where giving you a migraine. “Babe?” You heard from chris, softly “babe?… baby?” “Chris not right now…” “no babe i need you…. Baby.” “WHAT?” you snap, facing him with an expression you regretted straight after “i think Steve-os choking” he shrugged, pointing to the man who very clearly was. “Oh fuck! MEDIC! MEDIC!” You scream, running up to the tall man. The medics quickly arrived and began giving him backblows to force the live fish out
“Why didnt you just tell me!” You shouted at chris, throwing your hands up to exaggerate your emotions “i was trying not to stress you out babe!” He raised his voice a little “look im sorry for raising my voice but if this” you point to steve-o who was still choking but getting the best help he could “doesnt work? Then hes going go die” chris’s eyes suddenly sink at the realisation that just because they do this stupid shit all the time doesnt mean they are immortal, at that the live fish goes flying from steve-os mouth and he gasps for air, falling to the ground. “Your a lucky man” you mutter, starting to pack your camera gear away.
Steve-o was whisked off by the medic team to their tent and chris just stood silent next to you, not sure what to do with himself. “Look ill see you later, im going to go gray if i stay here for a second longer” you state, trying to catch his eyes that looked anywhere but you, something he done when he felt uncomfortable. When you realised chris probably wasnt going to say bye you continued walking but quickly heard him catch up “im coming back to yours” “you are? Chris there isnt much room-“ “then we will make room, we need to be together right now” he slipped his hand into yours. “Jeff y/n needs a break shes going to go gray” “we cant afford it” jeff said sympathetically “please give her a break, theres six other camera men here today” Jeff looked around at the camera men who stood around aimlessly, their camera in hand with no purpose. “Fine, fuck. Just dont make this regular” jeff complained “thanks jeff we wont” chris smiles, heading to the car park and helping you into his car. “What about my car?” “We will get it tomorrow”.
The drive home you just closed your eyes and tried to slow your heart, chris’s hand rubbing your knee in care. “Thats us darling” you open your eyes to see his house, not your small shitty apartment “sorry i thought it would be better so you dont get stressed seeing the equipment” you wrap your self around his arm “thankyou baby” “well i dont want a gray girlfriend” you both laugh then eventually get out the car making your way to the door.
You head to the living room and turn on the big tv while chris headed to the kitchen, some woman was screeching about how her best friend made out with her brother. Just some shitty reality tv show. Next up was another mind numbing game show, a sign that spoke ‘MONEY! MONEY! MONEY!’ at the top “why is it always about money!” You grumble “because money can get you high” chris laughs from behind you “cheer up baby lets watch something else” he jumped over the couch, landing next to you with a bag of chocolate and crisps in his hands. “Figured you might be hungry?” “Always” you kiss his cheek, leaning into his chest.
Chris picks up the remote and puts on family guy, he always got a good laugh out of that show “you feeling any better?” He asks, stroking your shoulder softly “much better” you yawn into his chest…
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heyitsyn · 3 years
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Manager!Inarizaki
a/n: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i would put in all the reqs but there were so many people who requested for our fox babies that it would literally take up every space :”) and im happy to comply so here it is
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AAAA LOOK THEY’RE SO CUTE OMG LIKE BLS BUT IM A RIN SIMP :’)
alkdfjlsdfi
sunarin simp is typing😍🍃💞..........
ogeiogeiogei
hehehehehe
so im actually just going to include the starting lineup like i knowwwww theres subs but im only most familiar with the regulars :(
okay so anyways!!
now
you might be wondering
how in the hell did you become the manager of these crackheads
from calm papi kita to psycho tsumu,
why are you their manager
you, the cute and shy and innocent not wittle first year, somehow became the manager of the powerhouse volleyball team of inarizaki high
it all started with our dear lovely samu
hehe bet you didnt see that coming
now we all know baby samu literally is the biggest foodie in the team and he constantly thinks about food 24/7 therefore there isnt much room in there for anything else except for volleyball
basically, 
the dude loves to eat
it just so happens that you made food
your family owned a cafe down the street from the school and you worked there after school to help your parents
now how does this tie in with samu you ask
this chile was so hungry that he had to skip practice
sending kita a quick text about doing a quick errand, he walked down the street on the hunt for a quick place to grab a bite
he totally ignored kita’s warning of cramps if he ate a lot then practiced but whatever food is life
it just so happens he stumbles upon your family’s cafe
when he entered, the smell of bread and food entered his nostrils causing this baby to just float right in
you were manning the register while your brother was at school so you smiled at the incoming figure of this familiar boy
and because you recognized him, you couldnt help but grin and gasp a little
‘oh! miya-senpai!’
you exclaimed and osamu was confused because he’s never seen you before but he thought you were probably a kouhai in school
you looked young and definitely not a face he’s seen before so he concluded you were most likely a first year
and you were really cute
like really
really
cute
that thought caused this babe to blink awkwardly and nod at your direction
‘uh, hi’
he greeted and you smiled at his awkward nature
‘what can i get you today, miya-senpai?’
he must’ve been busy looking at you to actually look at the menu behind you and he fumbled, rushing to find a food to get
‘wh-what do ya recommend?’
he asked and you paused then thought deeply
‘hmm, we have onigiris freshly made! and we also have milk bread thats really good!’
did you just-
did you just say onigiri?
‘yea ill take some onigiri’
he decided and you lit up
‘perfect! the total is-’
he completely blanked out because wow your smile was really pretty
‘miya-senpai? miya-senpai?’
you called out and he snapped out of it
‘oh, sorry, here’
he gave you the cash and you gave him back his change before wandering to the glass case where the savory foods were placed
you seemed to glide over and osamu watched you with fond eyes, interest bubbling in him
there was something about you that made him curious
but he just didnt know what
it confused him because maybe you were just someone he hasnt seen before and not the same fans he sees all the time
‘you’re really lucky, miya-senpai. i just finished making them minutes before you walked in’
you commented
this took him aback
‘you cook?’
he suddenly asked and you chuckled, soft and airy laughs filling the air
‘of course, senpai! learning to cook is an essential for a business like this’
and thus created a beautiful friendship
he would come over to eat nearly every day of the week while you would happily serve him
sometimes, he would even buy extra so you could eat with him
while you were talking, he noticed you lacked the accent others from there had and he thought you were not originally from hyogo
he learned that you were actually from miyagi and you moved here just this year
‘so, how ya liking it ‘round here?’
he asked one day, after swallowing his food
you thought about it before shrugging
‘i mean, its still the countryside so i guess everything’s the same. maybe the dialect? my neighbors have strong accents, haha’
samu chuckled
‘its common over here. ya sound a lot more from tokyo. my best friend’s from there, ya see’
you raised an eyebrow
‘hm?’
‘rin. suna rin is in the team and hes from tokyo so he sounds like a standard city boy. ill take ya to meet him sometime’
nah he really wasnt
he wanted to keep you away from the others as much as possible, especially his brother, because he was a greasy mf
but that didnt really work out into plan because you approached him in school the other day
you saw him and you hurriedly ran to him where he stood with his twin and some guy
tsumu saw you coming from behind his brother and he smirked before nodding at you
‘samu, ya got a girlie running for ya’
samu turned, confused, until he saw your adorable face
‘y/n. whats up?’
you grinned
‘you left your team jacket, miya-senpai’
the red jacket was clutched in your hands and the two boys behind him shared a surprised look because osamu never mentioned a girlfriend
and with the way you were holding his jacket, the two boys immediately jumped into conclusions
well
more like atsumu started whining at osamu for not telling him he had a girl
‘i thought we were brothers! brothers for life!’
samu just awkwardly stands there and he has a sheepish look in his eyes that were looking at you apologetically
‘sorry about him, y/n. but thank you for returning it’
you handed him the fabric before smiling
‘it was a good thing you had a spare one for me, miya-senpai. who knew the rain would come so suddenly’
osamu sighed then playfully poked your forehead with his finger
‘how many times do i have to tell you to call me by my first name? i really dont want to hear anything that associates me with this bastard’
atsumu socked osamu at the shoulder causing the gray-haired boy to look away from you and start yelling at his brother
‘touch me again! see what happens then!’
‘yer just showing off for yer girlie! ya aint doin nothing!’
suna shook his head before turning to you with a sympathetic look
‘you really want to be with this guy? him and this idiot are practically a package’
you tilted your head
‘im,,, not with miya-senpai?’
suna blinked
‘but he gave you his jacket. he doesnt even give it to me. i guess its not part of best friend privileges’
at the mention of best friend, you lit up
‘oh! you must be sunarin! the tokyo boy!’
baby rin choked a little at the sight of your grin and he scrunched his eyebrows while awkwardly raising the corner of his lips to a smile
‘you,, uh,,, you know me?’
like it was the most obvious thing in the world, you nodded
‘at first, when miya-senpai told me, i didnt know who you were. but! youre actually very popular, suna-senpai! too bad i never saw you until today, though, because we’re in different floors. but! a lot of girls talk about you!’
poor rin didnt know how to react to that because he didnt want to look flustered but he didnt want to look cocky either
so he just opted to smile gently
‘oh. well, in that case. let me introduce myself to you. suna rintaro’
can we normalize suna being an actual nice guy instead of the cold stand-offish player bastard?
you shook his hand and said your name as well
like samu, he asked you to call him by his first name too since you were close to his friend therefore should try being close to you too
speaking of samu, him and atsumu reduced the violence to just bickering and they were still teasing each other even after you and suna talked
the coochi bangs boy rolled his eyes then slapped atsumu’s arm to gain their attention
‘yo. theres a girl here. try and be nice and civil’
atsumu seems like he forgot your existence because his eyes brightened at the sight of you
‘oh! heya!’
you nervously smiled at him because his hyperness and overall atsumu-ness was quite overwhelming
‘h-hello, miya-senpai’
atsumu pouted at how apprehensive you sounded
‘eyyy, why are you being nervous, girlie? im just samu, yanno! same face and everything!’
osamu knew you well enough that you were kinda awkward and you didnt know how to approach a hyper person like his brother so he naturally saved you
‘hey, y/n, the bell’s about to ring any moment now so try to not be late and ill be sure to see you later. do you want me to pick you up from your class and we can walk together?’
to you, it was just a simple offer from a friend but to the two, that was the confirmation of your relationship with the wing spiker
‘wahh, atsumu, your brother really is better than you. he knows how to treat girls good’
atsumu took offense to this
‘excuse you! i would be too if there were genuine girls in this school!’
osamu’s aggressive blinking was his signal for you to hurry along and you noticed causing you to chuckle before bidding goodbye
‘it was nice meeting you, rin-senpai. and,,, you too, miya-senpai. samu-senpai, later at 3?’
osamu softly smiled while nodding
‘later at 3’
the TEASING HE FACED from the two was unbearable and despite the amount of times he denied it, they were still teasing him
‘samu’s got a girlfriend~! samu’s got a girlfriend~!’
‘tsumu, i swear to god if you dont shut your trap’
‘imagine having a girlfriend’
true to his word, osamu was waiting for ya at the bottom of the stairwell from the one that led to the second floor, absentmindedly kicking some invisible thing in the floor
you were fixing your bag straps on your shoulders when you saw him at the end of the hallway and you couldnt contain your excitement seeing the grey haired boy
‘samu-senpai!!’
you shouted, getting his attention that made him whip his head up
the blank face contorted into a small smile and he raised a hand
‘yo’
when you made it next to him, you were grinning really big and samu felt flustered at your happy face
so he cupped your chin with his large hand that allowed him to squeeze both cheeks
‘cutie’
he mumbled but you didnt catch it, too busy trying to get him to stop squishing
you were originally supposed to go walk over to the cafe but you didnt know that osamu was actually trying to skip practice and he was trying to hide from the members
okay first off, i dont think samu would ever skip practice willingly bc he has the same drive as miya atsumu but he also just wants to spend time with you asklfjldfjdlk
but the loud mouth tsumu saw you guys as you turned a hallway
you were busy talking to osamu about some cooking chef guy gordon and he was nodding and talking but then he heard a loud shout
‘SAMU!’
osamu babie didnt know what was happening so he protectively placed an arm in front of you and hurriedly shoved you behind him in case something happened
duh you didnt know what was happening either so you were clutching his jacket and peeked from his arm to see atsumu stomping over with suna trailing behind him, seemingly texting on his phone
osamu lazily glared at his brother
‘what’
atsumu blanched and sped walk faster until he was right in front of him to yell 
‘IM TIRED OF YER EXCUSES! JUST CUS YA GOT YASELF A GIRLIE DUN MEAN YA GET TO SKIP PRACTICE!’
you furrowed your eyebrows
you tugged at his jacket and osamu turned to peer down at you and he gulped, preparing himself to hear your scolding
it wasnt the first time you scolded him as you just told him off the other day for not eating enough vegetables and fruits to balance out his unhealthy love for onigiri and sweets
‘samu-senpai,,, you told me you guys were taking an off week. why are you skipping practice today’
you were genuinely worried and you didnt seem to understand why he did that but the other two did and atsumu didnt hesitate
‘CUS HE WANTS TA SPEND TIME WITH YA, Y/N! BASTARD CANT EVEN BOTHER TO TELL ME THE REASON! YER SICK?! WHAT THE HELL EXCUSE IS THAT! YA NEVER GET SICK!’
poor suna is just watching this go down and he felt bad that you were caught in the middle
so he suggested a compromise
you watched sunarin push atsumu’s chest to make him back off and he gently smiled at you before looking at the two
‘how about we all go to practice and if y/n-chan wants, she can wait and osamu can spend time with her when hes done? besides, atsumu, you know osamu has been doing good on his spikes. maybe we can persuade coach and kita to let him off early since hes,,, quote unquote,, ‘sick’’
osamu debated but you emerged from behind him
‘sure! samu-senpai would love to go to practice! right, samu-senpai?’
you smiled at him but it was a stern smile
you just wanted him to go to practice because you knew now of how important volleyball was to the school and they needed to get all their time and energy to win the sport
atsumu agreed to this plan but osamu was forced to accept it
simp
just for extra measure, sunarin and tsumu walked behind you guys to the gym so you and samu had time to talk
you were chiding him of course because why would he waste time with spending time with you
‘just wanted to see ya, y/n-chan’
he winked but you pouted and wrinkled your nose
‘you cant weasel yourself out of this, samu-senpai’
osamu has never heard you scold him before so he was like o.o but inside he was like,,, hot
the gym was already on full practice and kita saw the second years from the door
aran LAKDJFLAKSFJLASDKF ARAN AAAAAAAAAAAAA nudged mimi with a smirk
as much as they loved the underclassmen, watching them get told off by kita was too funny to not watch
but what caused them to curiously peer behind the three was the appearance of a girl
a girl?
‘why’s a girl with them?’
aran mumbled and mimi shrugged, but also intrigued
you were behind osamu and he could tell you were nervous because youve heard of the reputation of the team
they were seen as practically as popular as the basketball team and everyone worshipped them
they were who put the school’s name in the map and you were about to meet the legends of inarizaki
thankfully, atsumu and rin walked to the front of you two so you and samu were at the back
samu didnt look at you but he reached behind him to open his palm as a signal for you to take it
you gratefully grabbed it and leaned closer in case something happens
‘KITA-SAN! WE GOT EM!’
atsumu shouted and suna chided him for being really loud
‘you’re late’
an even voice said in front of them and you leaned over to the side to see who it was from
your eyes bulged out of your head because one, wow he was handsome, and two, he looked like someone from miyagi
YALL KNOW WHO IM TALKING ABOUT BYE-
‘oh wow’
you mumbled absentmindedly and samu looked at you at the corner of his eye before scoffing
your face was totally bright red and your eyes were super wide
kita? really? of all guys? it was kita?
‘SORRY! was samu who took so long!’
atsumu lowered his voice down but he didnt tell the captain of his brother’s plans to skip
‘he has a stomachache and he was at the nurse’s office’
suna smoothly came up with a lie and he might look cool and calm, his hands were clasped behind him with it clenching his phone
your eyes left kita to notice that habit and you had a small smile because it was another reassurance that these boys werent as high and legendary as everyone made them to be
in the end they were still just students and boys
they were still human
‘oi, osamu, who’s the girl?’
aran finally bit the bullet and asked the question everyone has been wondering since the beginning
both you and samu stiffened at the direct question to you but he nodded
‘this is l/n y/n’
he introduced and you raised a shaky hand as a greeting but let go of samu to bow slightly to your seniors
‘hello, my name is l/n y/n, i’m a first year’
a few players also raised a hand but it was mimi who spoke at last
‘nice to meet you’
kita nodded at you but turned to the three
‘why is she with you? are you skipping again, osamu?’
again?
osamu inwardly cringed 
obviously, kita was sharper than they would think because he easily saw through suna’s lie
he also knew that samu never really got sick
he watched the younger shovel 5 bowls of ramen and still have enough room eat a plate of mochi and he was perfectly fine
it was silent between the four of you and atsumu and suna were looking at each other as they ran out of lies
dang they even planned the entire walk of what to say to kita
you looked between the twins and their friend before speaking up
‘samu-senpai really did have a stomachache. i was-uh-helping the nurse! um, i want to be a doctor or a nurse when i grow up! and-’
you started to ramble but because you were trying to lie and it was never your forte
ALKESDJFLKD Y/N I NEED TO TAKE YOU UNDER MY WING WE NEED TO TEACH YOU THIS IMPORTANT LIFE SKILL OMG
‘we were tryin to convince y/n to be a manager. thats why we took so long’
atsumu huffed
you froze
a what?
a manager?
you were genuinely truthful about wanting to go into a medical profession but not a manager
you were already a manager before and you didnt really want to do it again
kita was inspecting suna’s and atsumu’s and osamu’s faces to see a trace of dishonesty
you saw him raise a dark eyebrow and you knew then that these three cannot tell a lie to save their life
so you nodded frantically making kita look at you
‘mhm! they asked me! miya-san wanted someone they knew already so they asked me because i’m samu-senpai’s friend! so here i am!’
your awkward smile and stiff outstretched arms might’ve seem suspicious but kita moved his gaze from you to atsumu and the blonde nodded
‘yea! ya’ve been talkin bout bein worried of next year cus yall aint here no more so i got sum person responsible enough fer us!’
STOPP I HATE IT HERE I CANT SEEM TO WRITE OUT ATSUMU’S ACCENT LIKE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
after the longest 3 seconds, kita finally nodded and closed his eyes warily
‘alright. l/n-san, come here’
you froze at the way he said your name but suna was kind enough to walk over to your place beside samu to gently push you forward to kita
‘its okay’
he mumbled and you were so thankful because that gave you enough motivation and strength to keep going
your height was staggering between these men and kita seemed to tower you
but you kept an even and calm face 
‘yes?’
you asked
kita looked at you and he stared at your face, pupils moving as a sign that he was inspecting your eyes and every feature 
oh my god you shouldve plucked your nose hairs this morning
before you could feel more self-conscious, he spoke
‘you said you want to be a doctor?’
‘well, more like a nurse but um same thing’
‘you know medical stuff? know how to treat injuries?’
‘yes. i was a manager back in my hometown so i have experience’
‘where are you from?’
‘miyagi’
‘ya familiar with shiratorizawa?’
you cringed but nodded
‘yes’
‘are you from there?’
‘yes’
the three stooges from behind you had wide eyes at this sudden revelation because that was a school theyve played before
even the last interhigh, they were familiar of how strong that school was
the eagle and the guess monster
and you were their manager before? 
must’ve been during middle school as you were just a first year
‘so you know how plays and stats work?’
‘yes. anything you want me to do, im familiar and capable to do it’
god why are you saying this
you didnt even want to be a manager in the first place
yet here you are again
you were getting flashbacks from the war ajkfdfd
kita looked at you silently once more before finally standing up straight and pointing you to their coach who was watching the whole thing with crossed arms and furrowed brows
‘there. talk to him and you can finalize everything. i think its too early to say this but nonetheless, welcome to the team, y/n’
AND THUS STARTED YOUR JOURNEY WITH THE BOYS
akldjklfjsdlakj
IT WAS ALL BUILT ON LIES BUT WHATEVER
AS LONG AS NO ONE DIED ISSOKAY
no but really dont tell lies in general yall, maybe white lies, but try not to do that
OKAY MOVING ON
MOMENTS WITH THE TEAM
duh you are much much closer to samu than the rest of the team so you tended to stick to him more
like you would go to him first if you needed something or if you wanted someone to help you with the crate, he would be your go-to
that would make atsumu whine because he felt that samu was better than him
‘oi, y/n! im really good with ma arms! i can bench 300 yanno?’
you politely smiled and nodded
‘thank you for telling me, miya-san’
then you would proceed to nudge samu’s arm yum to ask for help
butbutbutbut
dont worry!!!!
you do end up warming up to him
for my atsumu stans, yall tend to go to him when samu is either busy or you just need a good laugh
this mans will embarrass himself both on purpose or accidentally to make you laugh lmao
you also have extra bottles for his medicine because he has adhd and the guys are like,,,, yo chill
and duh atsumu would forget to take them so youre practically his reminder
we all know how tsumu was practically attacked that one time when he insulted those girls, right?
yall may have forgiven but i will never forget >:(
well, during matches, you as their manager, always have to tell the stands to be quiet when atsumu is serving 
but no one told you this
you kind of figured it out during your time like when his eye would twitch if samu was talking to suna too loudly or when he would close his eyes to shut off his hearing because of the loud spikes on the other side
you noticed it
so you would go to the stands and nicely tell them that if they see atsumu serving, to be quiet
‘i understand you are all excited when he does his serve but we would all benefit more you could release that excitement inside and silently’
*cue atsumu pretending to faint in sunas arms*
OH SPEAKING OF SUNA
YES I SAID THAT I DONT REALLY LIKE FANON SUNA BC,,,
WEED
AND DRUGS
AND RUDE 
JUST OVERALL
NOT RECOMMENDED
but canon suna :”)
as a player, suna is seen as really manipulative and snarky and witty
he loves to poke fun at the other team, even his own, and just all-around annoying
but off-court
suna is a very quiet and reserved person
totally different from the one who talks and yaps constantly to the other side of the net
and hes a really pure person in some topics
like he would turn red when you would compliment his new picture that he posted in inasgram 
PLEASE SUNA IS TOTALLY A PHOTOGRAPHER LIKE HE TAKES PICTURES OF SUNSETS AND STUFF
or when you would offer to bandage him up for him because it’s hard to do it himself and your hand would touch his
dont tell anyone this but suna is very relieved that you and samu weren’t dating
thats all
thats all for now
;)
OOOO kita!!!
okay so kita is the captain, right?
but he doesnt play
like he plays rarely and aran is usually the on-court captain
this causes you and him to be at the sidelines a lot
he would tell you what he thinks would happen next or what the next plan should be and you would provide your own input
in a way, he was the one who really taught you the mechanics of volleyball and he would tell you the different tricks that techniques that the twins came up with 
what makes you really soft and fall for him is when he starts to compliment his players
his pride in aran for being one of the top aces that has led them to nationals
his pride in mimi for being able to go on the longest on court and not be tired
his pride on akagi for being able to receive each ball and successfully give it to their setter
his pride on hitoshi for being the one who could handle the team personality wise and his plans for him to be his successor
his pride on ATSUmu for being the best setter he’s ever seen and his drive to get better no matter what
his pride on samu for being so strong and still getting stronger despite his dream career to be something not volleyball-related
his pride on sunA being motivated enough to help the team and make sure everyone knows that every ball can be stopped
like pls you almost cry all the time when you hear kita saying that because he seems to not say it to the others but only to you
it makes you happy that kita relies so much on these guys as much as they rely on him
OH MY GOSH OMIMI
okay
so omimi ren is a very quiet and calm character
hes kinda like suna where they dont really say much but when they do, its usually important and not irrelevant like atsumu
and he didnt say much when you got inducted in the team as a manager
like he just stared at you and you were just like o.o
ngl he did scare you a bit bc of his tall height looming over you and the way his dark eyes just pierces you through your soul
hes the type that you cannot willingly tell a lie to him bc you know he will find out one way or another
he can see right through you
maybe thats what makes him such a good middle blocker
but you started to warm up to him really quick and he would sometimes walk you home if the others cant mainly bc he knows his appearance will make anyone back off
its the simple things that make you appreciate him
two words: ginjima hitoshi
he is so two-faced
NO LISTEN BEFORE YALL BEAT ME UP JUST HEAR ME OUT
you know how like the 4 second years (PLEASE I KNOW THERES A GUY NAMED YUTO BUT LIKE I DONT KNOW MUCH ABOUT HIM AAAAAA TELL ME IF YOU WANT HIM IN HERE)
like suna, the twins, and hitoshi
the twins are the annoying ones who causes trouble, suna is the one taking pictures and evidence while cheering them on, and hitoshi is the one trying to break it up
BUT
i think that hitoshi is really the worst out of the 4 and he keeps in because who else would be the responsible one of the bunch
hello? they were about to be third years next year like are we really gonna go on with possibly a miya twin or suna being captain?
no
so he tries to force down his inner chaos to take on the role of the responsible one
BUTTTTT
you try to release that inner chaos
you sometimes hear him egging on atsumu under his breath like ‘do it’ but quietly so no one hears him
and youre like
?-?
please? we’re not? supposed? to allow? atsumu? to eat? and swallow? a whole? raw egg?
at first, duh he was also like that with you but you want him to be himself and be comfortable with you so you work hard to make him open up
now
you kinda regret it
because he now wants to go through the mcdonalds drive-thru, with no car, just to get mcflurries
you stared down at hitoshi from your bedroom window with a confused expression
‘but? you dont have a car?’
he grins up at you
‘but i got a CART! they said as long as it’s a car and car is in the word cart and the extra ‘t’ is just a bonus!’
‘hitoshi no-’
AAAAAA MICHIMICHI BABY
so akagi is the libero of the team and he is the one responsible for the make sure the ball doesnt touch the ground type of thing
you get really worried about him bc he does a lot of flying saves and his knees always get roughed up and such
so you try and stitch him up as much as you can like you even send him sites for good warm packs to buy
something that isnt known about akagi is that he, like atsumu, really likes to cook
but more like
he bakes
he bakes as a stress reliever and its like his meditation time
you go over to his house a lot to go bake something w him and share it to the guys later on
during ina get-togethers, him and samu are in charged of the food while youre the sous chef
SPEAKING OF SAMU
we forgot about him for a sec aldfjklkfdjlk 
it was all thanks to him
because of him, you became a manager despite your initial refusal to become one again
you made friends with more people and you were able to have a fun high school life because of it
because of him
osamu does get a little sad or irritated whenever the guys start to hog you up
like he has to push down the tantrum of ‘I SAW HER FIRST!’
he wants to be the better twin lmao
he gets really butthurt when you would go to someone else even during the middle of your conversation
like he would be talking to you on the side but suna calls you over for tape and youre going
he pouts and atsumu teases him about it causing him to bark at him
LOL HE BARKS
okay so training camp
i think therell be an imagine for this so ill try to not make it as detailed
lets just say its a mess
suna really wants to go hiking bc he wants to go the top of the mountain for pictures of the stars and stuff
but atsumu whines of the bugs and possible creatures in there
this causes osamu to tease him and call him a coward and a wimp
and leads to a fight which aran tries to break up but gets sucked in anyways
and omimi just stands by and watches but he intends to intervene if it gets too much
then akagi gets taken by suna to go the hike with him even though hes scared of bugs so hes whimpering and complaining
while kita and hitoshi are off in the kitchen talking about new grains of flour and stuff
where are you?
youre at the lodge, drinking your f/d (favorite drink) and watching all this go down bc at training camp, it’s every man for themselves
there is a lot of bonding times as a team bc these boys may seem like all they think about is volleyball but they like to do something else outside of that
what they love the most is going to the beach
not only do they get to have fun, they get to relax and see you in a swimsuit alkfdjkfj
especially when kita accidentally falls asleep? they bury him with sand and make him look like a mermaid
because they are players who work out so great bodies duh
and they get so much attention for that
but they all mainly pay attention to you and oh my
youve expressed not being comfortable in wearing a swim suit and watch these guys absolutely start throwing compliments at you
but the third years would softly tell you that it’s okay not to wear one bc all that matters is if youre comfortable or not
HELP I WANT AN ARAN AAAAAAAAAAA
OH SO
we know how kita’s family are rice farmers, right?
well
he farms to help his granny and sometimes, youre the only one who’s free enough to go and help him 
so you go over there all the time and granny really loves you bc one, you take care of her shin and thats beyond everything, and two, youre reliable and make shin laugh and such
like one time, you were carrying a basket to the back deck and granny saw you from the kitchen
she smiled before waddling over to the door so she could talk to you
‘y/n-chan!’
you whipped around quickly at the call of your name before grinning and hurrying up to her
‘yes, granny?’
she gave you a bottled water then gestured down to the field where shin was tirelessly tending to the rice
‘please give that to shinsuke. poor boy has been pushing himself too hard with the field and his sport and not taking care of himself’
she chided but there was a certain hint in her tone that made her sound so proud of her grandson
you looked down at the bottle and squeezed it
‘kita-san works hard not for himself, but for everyone else. it makes me sad when he neglects his health and tends to the team instead. so dont worry, baa-chan! i’ll take care of kita-san for him! for you!’
nah bc granny was already gossiping with her neighborhood ladies about this beautiful girl that shin got and how they should be jealous their grandsons don’t have someone like you
OOOOOOO 
since your family owns a cafe, the guys goes there all the time
its kinda like the ramen shop for the seijoh boys
they go there mainly to see you even outside of practice ANDDD
they wanna look good in front of your family
like tsumu suddenly knows cleanliness bc he cleans up the mess on the table or kita is no longer an introvert as hes now talking to your mom about the benefits of rice water and her not needing one bc her hair is already beautiful
PLEASE WHAT
and even during the summer, theyve helped out a lot when it was busy lunch times and you couldnt handle it yourself
GOSH IMAGINE SAMU BEING YOUR MOM’S APPRENTICE AND HANDSOME BOYS TAKING YOUR ORDERS WHILE SOME ARE CARRYING HEAVY TRAYS THAT MAKE THEIR ARMS POP
okay imma stop now
OH DONT GET ME STARTED DURING THE DEFEAT WITH KARASUNO
I DONT CARE YALL CAN HATE ME FOR SAYING THIS BUT KARASUNO SHOULDNT HAVE WON LIKE INARIZAKI WERE LITERALLY THE SECOND PLACE IN NATIONALS AND COMPETED AGAINST I T A C H I Y A M A
LIKE WHAT
OKAY ANYWAYS
everyone was already down and moody bc of the loss
and you wanted to be at the back bc you didnt know how to handle the situation
in your time as their manager, not once have you seen them lose
during those 10 months of being a manager, you have not once seen them be defeated during a game even with practice matches
then with those nobodies?
karasuno?
last time you checked, karasuno went down under when coach ukai retired
so having them lose was a real shock
and a really bad event
there was a certain air around you all during the bus ride to the hotel which made the entire time very uncomfortable
everyone finished their crying either in the locker rooms or the bathroom so all that was left was their red eyes
the coach sent everyone off to bed and although they were allowed more days to stay, they all collectively chose to just go home and keep those excused days as a rest day
‘we all would like to just stay at home and recharge’
kita’s request was everyone else’s, even yours, as you were both worried and tired for the boys
so that night, the coaches were able to book train tickets for everyone the next day back home
you stayed up, watching tv in your own room out of boredom because the group chat was quiet and you were too tired to do anything else
the next day, everyone 
osamu claimed your shoulder and he held your hand tight with his
his breathing was ragged and even with his closed eyes, the redness around them made it obvious he had been crying
the bus that was filled with excitement before, became quiet and the sound of the engine and wheels took over the silence
you thought samu had fallen asleep so you raised your free hand to stroke his hair
‘hey y/n?’
you flinched at the surprise but hummed 
‘imma tell him today. later, but today’
his voice was low and he was murmuring to hint that this was the extra sensitive topic you both discussed a few days ago at the cafe
you nodded but made sure he knew that no matter, he still got you
the coaches were upset and mad at the loss
but in the end, they all realized that this was the last game the boys would play as a team
sure, they could have practice matches and they could play again together in the future but nothing would change the atmosphere and feeling of playing the important matches 
this was the team that brought them closest to nationals with placing second out of the entire country
they were a good team that somehow got defeated
but the coaches were still proud
they didnt even yell at the boys to take laps and instead brought them into a team meeting
you stood beside the coaches, your own sniffles with everyone else, and listened to them talk
‘-year has been the most productive this school’s team has had in decades. i hope you all are proud of yourselves as we are proud of you. you lost so you are no longer in the competition and we talk about it tomorrow. but for now, go home and take a rest because tomorrow, we will be running laps and drills and miss y/n will be timing you until you pass out from exhaustion’
you blankly looked at the coaches bc you thought this would be a heartwarming talk but quickly turned into a threat
‘but thats for tomorrow. so go home and rest up. expect what is to come’
you were just wanting to leave lmao
like you wanted to hurry home and make something for the guys to eat tomorrow
just do something to make them at least smile
the guys were quietly packing up and you watched them with trembling eyes at their dismissal
you wanted them to stay longer
stay here and laugh and mess around
like tsumu poking kita and pretending he didnt
or mimi talking about something and aran staring blankly at him but he’s really sleeping with his eyes open and startling him awake
‘guys!’
you shouted
they all stopped and turned to look at you
‘hm?’
hitoshi asked
you hurriedly looked around to find something to stall them here and you noticed the cherry blossom tree that’s blooming 
must be the time of the year
‘l-lets! have a-take a picture! outside! by the tree!’
you pointed and they looked at each other
you were acting strangely
but they were simps for you so they just nodded and went outside
they didnt even complain and went to stand out in front of the tree
you had your phone and pulled it to the camera app to raise it to get the team in the frame
they looked sad and tired and worn out but they were still trying to joke around and have natural smiles
‘closer, you guys! bunch in closer!’
you motioned with one hand but they stopped
‘um? y/n? aren’t you gonna join us?’
ren asked but you shook your head
‘its? for you guys? besides, no one will take it for us, silly’
the boys insisted on you prop it up on a bench over there because they wanted you there with them
‘hey, come here! lets all be in it!’
aran shouted and you had no choice but to follow them
the boys had to stand closer to the camera as the bench was a ways ahead of the tree but dont worry, the tree is still there
they wanted you in the front bc they were all taller than you but they really wanted to showcase you
you were their manager and the person who took care of them
they treasure you so much
‘smile!!!’
someone shouted and the timer hit zero and the picture was taken
sure, their school’s motto was that they didnt need things like memories
to not have anything tying you down to the past and to challenge yourself with everyone focusing on the future ahead
in years from now, you could just be another thing from their past and nothing else
but they would be damned if that happened
any fragment of you to remind them of the best time of their youth and the person who loved them more than anyone else did
so yea, sure they wanted to represent their school’s motto
but this time
they can make an exception
a/n: HII!!!! IM BACK AND SUDDENLY IM ABLE TO WRITE AND FINISH THIS I SWEAR I CANT BELIEVE IT TOOK ME THIS LONG TO PUBLISH THIS I CANT WITH THIS YALL IM LOWKEY DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF AND IM ASHAMED IM SO SORRY
899 notes · View notes
radiation · 2 years
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gonna post progress pics from my volo painting and write a bit about my process since some1 asked for them!
excluding adjustment layers this has 20 layers in all. i wont show all of them bc some of them just have minor differences but ill show my general progress
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sketch. just super loose but has enough visual clarity to be able to work off of and not have to fix issues caused by poor anatomy etc later
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background color + painting under sketch. to choose colors, i go on the color wheel and just kinda choose colors freely and almost randomly & paint w them by very lightly pressing with a hard round elliptical opacity brush set to a large size, blending other colors on top of them this way. i dont use this brush the whole way through but honestly i couldve and it still wouldve turned out good
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a lot of trial and error but because were doing it so loosely its pretty easy to find something that works quickly (also sorry the painting is so dark at this point oops)
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developed painting a bit more and upped saturation in some places using an adjustment layer.
to get a lot of the color variations im getting here, i colorpick from other areas of the piece, ie colorpicking from the face and using it as subtle lighting for the hair, seeing i like how those colors look, and using that as a jumping off point and using a more intense pink for the hair shading. you can also see i got some of the yellowish on the sleeping bag or whatever tf he has on his back from the hair/hat/etc, just brushed it on there really lightly and it looks cool. another place i like to colorpick from is where the sketch overlaps with the colors underneath, it creates some interesting desaturated colors.
you can also see im developing linework a tiny bit here, its pretty early on and a lot of it will be painted over later anyways but i start being like, okay the 3d forms i've been making are working, let's draw on top of the sketch a bit to encapsulate those areas
but yeah uhh definitely a lot of this is just testing stuff out when i'm this early in the painting, i am aaaalways in motion, never stopping and just working off of instinct and what looks cool. and if i mess something up, i can just erase it and i'll have the layer underneath to fall back on.
also im just straight up not thinking about anything at this point unless im trying to closely replicate a reference image, which i didnt do very much. i use reference for eeeeeeverything i make. i took a pic of myself at a similar angle to this and then loosely based the sketch off of it, looked at pics of volo, later on looked at some reference of how ppl paint fabric, grabbed some pics of how i drew one of my ocs who makes a similar expression w his eyes, grabbed images of other digital paintings i'd made! because i wanted to work in a certain style i'd done maybe only twice before. for reference images, i use pureref, which i would highly recommend to any artist, especially ones without dual monitors (like me). basically just allows you to make a reference board and pin it on the very top of your screen
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just developed more in the same fashion, then threw a couple adjustment layers over it. i toned back some of these adjustments later but yeah. you can see the lineart really starting to come together, a lot of the color variation on it colorpicked from accidental overlapping colors that ended up looking cool. btw i need to make it clear i do lineart and rendering on the same layers. also i did the stripes on the pack just by using a multiply layer, then giving it more love on the layer immediately above it so it doesnt look cheap
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more rendering, got a vignette going w a multiply layer. actually started using reference for fabric folds. theyre really simply done honestly and dont look like. amazing. but they work
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painted over the vignette in the background to make it a bit more interesting & not just a gradient, more rendering as usual, threw in some subtle highlights to make it a little more interesting! i probably couldve gone further with them honestly. also decided to do a really subtle outline around him cuz it looks cool. lineart is basically done at this point and this is where i started to think i was just about done
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desaturated it a little bit, re-added some details i forgot about, generally fiddled with stuff and corrected some mistakes, added signature. and its DONE. i think this took me about four-four and a half hours? yeah something like that
other general notes:
-probably favorite part of this is the sleeping bag or whatever the hell that thing is on his backpack
-not entirely happy with how i did the fluffy part, it has some really cool color shifts but it doesnt feel like a proper 3d form all the way through to me. definitely pretty 2 dimensional in spots, but i was like eh i dont care enough to fix it
-although i think the pose works well enough, its definitely another example of me using pretty static poses and basic composition in my art. which isnt too terrible but i really need to start getting outside of my comfort zone on that stuff. this definitely couldve looked cooler if i developed the pose more and did better foreshortening but i didnt cuz that shiht is hard to me. im really awful at foreshortening
-on that same note, i worked off of the first sketch i made and didnt warm up beforehand which you do NOT want to do. thumbnail stuff out and make multiple sketches. 80% of the time the sketches following the first one will be better
-IM NOT AN EXPERT lots of stuff i still need to learn dont follow this 1:1
OVERALL im really satisfied with this though especially for how quickly it took me to make it. & i hope this was interesting, lmk if you have any more questions on my process !
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just-a-fangirl13 · 3 years
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Why s5 *might* be the season MacRiley happens
Okay so...Hear me out! I'm not crazy I promise!!
Firstly, after 5x03 (and probably 5x04) it may seem very unlikely that MacRiley could ever happen. But I thought of a few reasons why they might actually happen by the end of s5 after all.... (it gets a lil long winded and kinda complicated but just stick with me till the end!)
1. All the MacRiley moments including the ones in 5x03.
[this Mac smile could not be an accident or something that slipped through both production and post-production right?! that in itself is a whole reason!]
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Every Macriley moment we have ever had- whether it's the hugs, Riley saving Mac, Mac saving Riley, the ultimate show of loyalty when Riley went after Mac during Codex or even just the looks exchanged between the two- to any outsider it would seem pretty obvious that they are dating or at least in love. Keep in mind the writers would have written each of those scenes and Lucas and Tristan have acted them out with a specific build up in mind aka MacRiley.(think about the date episode: Riley just got dumped but was still thinking about how Mac might be hungry. She didnt have to do that. She could have just shown up at his place..) I mean how can they write two people so perfectly in sync and so perfect for each other and not have them end up together? It would just be a waste of all that tension and slow burn. (not to mention all the hugs and glances)
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2. They know we exist. 
The MacRiley fam is very active on twitter with the writers and while they were writing 5x01 they knew we were around. They know we are a huge group. They would not want to risk pissing 90% of the fandom off by not making MacRiley endgame.
[P.S.yes 5x03 was a bait and switch but if you were paying attention you would have noticed that neither Lucas not Tristan live tweeted or hyped up the episode. They knew we would probably hate it so they didnt publicise it too much! so in the future if you have doubts about the episode being a MacRiley one just check their stories or posts on twitter/intstagram]
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3. Yes 5x03 happened. 
I really think it was an episode they HAD to write. Ok so after 4x13 they had 7 more episodes planned and were filming 4x20 (aka the finale) when the pandemic struck. So they have these 6 episodes but no finale for it. [Idk if anyone else has noticed but in 5x01 there were clearly some parts cut out. For example the conversation between Desi and Riley towards the end seemed a bit jilted. Riley asking Desi to forgive her but Desi replied with yeah we are cool (still no apology ofc) I feel like something happened during that which ended up getting cut out so it could fit with the final story.]
This makes me think that they have rewritten a few bits to tie into the new finale episode. In 5x03 when Mac asked Desi to come fishing with him which was clearly something very personal to him she was like no do better.. then we see Mac's disappointed expression. She could have easily said okay but maybe not for our first date? Or its not really my thing? Or just about anything else rather than laughing in his face like that. Eventhough MD is together they still arent compatible. Mac’s final words in 5x03 was him being desperate. I truly think he is so broken and lost that Desi is the only safe thing left, the only thing he feels like he can fix right now. Once he finds himself again and heals...then it's going to hit him like a pile of bricks!!
4. But Riley doesn't have feelings anymore...WELL doesnt she? 
When it comes to Mac, Riley is always in denial. We saw it in s4 when she tells Bozer not to make her say it. I think s5 will show her finally accepting it. Finally accepting that she is in love with her best friend and that it definitely isnt Codex adrenaline because she caught the feels when Codex wasnt even around. While Mac's arc would include realising he and Desi are never going to work and that he is unhappy and that RILEY is the one for him.
[why else would they give Riley feelings for Mac? Something has to come of it.]
5. The slow burn rule.[this point is a lil complicated] 
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Now season 5 is rumoured to have 13 episodes. So here’s what I think: If MacGyver follows the pattern that most shows do when it comes to slow burns, then technically MacRIley should have happened at the end of season 4. But since the season got cut short and they didnt get to air/finish their final episode the writers had to improvise. 
From what I know, 4x19 which is 5x04 for us is the episode where Mac meets Desi’s parents and 4x20 was supposed to be the finale that was left unfinished.(they are definitely moving the timeline ahead if a pre finale episode is suddenly a mid season one.) There might have been a 4x21 or 4x22 but I haven't heard anything about those....EVER.
So what I think they have decided to do instead is extend the MD storyline a bit longer just so they dont end up scrapping all their s4 episodes where they would be together and write a new finale that ties everything together, aka MacRiley.
If you think about episode counts, s4 and s5 together would have 26 episodes which is a how long a normal season runs. Basically what im trying to say is if we follow the ‘slow burns end by s4’ and take season 5 as an extension of 4 then MacRiley should get together in the season 5 finale or maybe the episode just before. (IM REALLY TRYING TO GET SOME LOGIC INTO THIS)
This would be a typical TV thing too where the couple finds out about each other’s feelings while the main arc of the show is also at its peak, which perfectly sets up a future season where fans are hyped but still has a satisfying ending.
6. So what about MacDesi?
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So far the macgyver writers have given us characters we love. Think of every character on the show apart from maybe Desi... Mac, Riley, Bozer, Jack, Matty, Leanna, Samantha, Russ and even Murdoc. WE LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. So then why is Desi such a strange character? I think shes purposely been written as an opposite to Mac or even Riley (I get she’s supposed to kinda replace Jack but Jack is really irreplaceable). 
It's not necessarily a bad thing its just not a great thing to do or have great execution. People have said things like Desi is a badass and shouldnt have to apologise or say I love you back to her boyfriend because she is a strong woman...I'm sorry but your opinion of who a strong woman is, is EXTREMELY skewed. A strong woman is someone who can make mistakes and when she does, she is ‘strong’ enough to own up to it, she is loyal and fierce and also caring while being a badass who can take down bad guys. And for GODS SAKE, RILEY DAVIS IS A STRONG WOMAN...people have called her mushy and feminine on twitter and I'm just very confused by that.....
Anyways before I go off on a rant, it seems like Desi is intentionally being written this way. Every opportunity they get to redeem her and make her more relatable or just a better person they just dont take it. While Rileys character arc is one of the best I've ever seen. Either its intentional or they’ve forgotten how to write characters...which is worrisome but ill give them the benefit of the doubt.
The writers also know we dont like Desi. The amount of times we've tagged them in the toxic posts or pointed out problematic things we can be sure they've seen at least half of those. So theres no way they dont know. RIGHT?
So why then is MD still a thing you may ask??
Well for one they cant break them up again off screen because of those unreleased s4 episodes. (not to mention the other parts of the audience who arent as invested in mac’s love life would probably be very confused.)
Secondly Mac has to be the one to pull the plug, not Desi. 4x13 made it seem like Desi was the annoyed one not Mac. He apologised to her which meant he wanted to fix things. 
Thirdly, they are opening the chpt one last time before they permanently close it. MD is going to be a stark contrast to macriley(it already is in every way possible). Every issue Mac and Desi had can be used to show how amazing macriley really is as two people who arent even dating yet.
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Fourthly, MD being together is a sort of commentary on Macs mental health as well. We can see how happy he is with Riley but around Desi he becomes some one else. If the writers are doing this on purpose or subconsciously still remains to be seen.
And Yes keeping MD around for a few more episodes seems like a necessary risk right now but I have a feeling its going to be worth it later.
[I know we have had like 4 desi entered episodes already but I really think 5x04 will be the last of it since 5x05 is the Jack episode and 5x06 is Mac+Riley+Bozer episode with no mention of Desi at all!]
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The writers know we are a dedicated bunch and they know that once MD breaks up for the last time the entire fandom will be waiting and watching. That's when the show will be at its peak. That will be the perfect moment to bring in MacRiley’s arc to a new start!
Congrats if you stuck with me through this whole thing! if you agree/disgaree with any of these or have other reasons why they could be endgame in s5 let me know!!
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peachiikawa · 3 years
Text
Fly | Route Selected: O. Tooru
genre: mafia au, choose your own adventure
warnings: honestly nothing too bad in this route
word count: 3.1k
Fly Masterlist
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“I choose--”
But before you could even finish your sentence, the front door opened and an arm draped around your shoulders
“They’ll be with me”
You looked to see who had just walked in and were stunned to see such a beautiful man
“Very funny oikawa, now let them go. This is a personal matter”
Daichi took a step forward and you could feel the tension in the air
But the silence was broken with a chuckle from oikawa
“Dont worry so much daichi. They arent just a threat to you theyre a threat to the entire community so to make your burden easier ill gladly take them in. you have better things to worry about anyways”
The smile on his face was far from a friendly one
Even you could tell it was a bit condescending and it made you a bit scared
He led you out the door but not before turning his head one last time
“Tell your old man seijou gives their regards”
With that he led you to his car and got you buckled in
“Now where do you live..?”
“My name is y/n and i live down the street and around the block”
He drove you home and made sure you got into your apartment
“Come in tomorrow whenever youd like, preferable before noon though. Heres my card if you have any questions. Goodnight y/n!”
He kept the conversation brief and didnt look back as he left
As soon as you closed the door you leaned against it and slid down onto the ground
Just what had you gotten yourself into?
You couldnt really sleep that night knowing that in the morning you were going to be working with the mafia
So you took an early shower and got to the address on the card oikawa gave you the night before around eight o’clock
You took a nervous breath before walking into the gigantic corporate building
‘Seijoh Industries’
The company had a long reputation of being in the modeling and fashion industry
It scared you to think that so many big companies were involved in who knows what else
You pushed the glass doors open and immediately got lost
Like how do you even navigate the inside of this building???
It wasnt long before you got stopped
...by some guy with blonde hair with lines in them
Was he trying to look like a tennis ball??
As he steps toward you you take one back until youre against a wall
“What the fuck are you doing here? Youd better leave. Now”
You feel like your stomach is about to drop before you hear that all too familiar voice
“Maddog what are you doing to y/n! Its their first day you shouldnt be so mean”
Oikawa grabbed your hand and led you down the hall to a pristine office
He sat down behind his desk and organized a few papers for you
“Youre here bright and early. I was half expecting you to just not show up”
His eyes glanced up from the papers in his hands for a brief moment
“But im glad you did it would have been a..hassle to find you”
The way that sentence came out of his mouth with that smile on his face sent a shiver down your back
He handed you a few papers and a list of tasks to do
Most of which consisted of you running errands and organizing some cabinets around the building
“Finish those and if you get done with that before the end of the day you can do whatever. Just dont poke your nose where it doesnt belong”
The smile on his face never left once your entire conversation and it left you with a weird feeling in your gut
As you turned to leave you just couldnt shake the weird feeling you got every time you saw it
But you went on your way, trying not to think about it too hard
You did each task with ease and you really thought that some of them were a bit unnecessary since most of the things on the list were already done
It was almost therapeutic doing normal things, it at least made you feel less nervous
It didnt take you long before you finished your tasks
“Hey you”
You jumped at the sound of someone’s voice and slowly turned towards a man with short and spiky brown hair
He held out a couple of papers to you
“I need you to make a few copies of these and then bring them to trashykawa”
Your eyebrows furrowed and he noticed your confusion
“I mean Oikawa. Sorry, force of habit. Im Iwaizumi by the way. I work over in communications''
You fumbled with the papers in your hands, trying to get a grip before he noticed how nervous you were
His sharp eyes were fixed on you which made you even more self-conscious 
You let out a shaky breath before introducing yourself
“Im y/n. Its my first day working here”
He nodded his head
“Yeah well just lay low if you want to survive this mess. Ill see you later y/n.”
A few weeks go by and it seems to be the same thing filling your days
This place wasnt as scary as you first thought and everyone seemed nice enough
The beeping from the copy machine brought you back to reality from your daydream and headed back to oikawas office
Though you had been here for almost a month now, it never got easier to be around him
Something was just too off putting about him
You took a deep breathe before knocking on the door to which you got a muffled “come in”
He didnt look up as you set the papers on his desk and only looked back up at you when he didnt hear your leave
He took off the glasses he was wearing and set them down in front of him
“Can i help you with something?”
Again, that smile on his face just...didnt feel right
“I was done with my work, is there anything else I can do for you?”
He just shook his head
“That should be it for me! Why dont you go see if iwa needs anything?”
You could tell that he wanted nothing more than to have just a moment to himself
And the constant flow of people probably didnt help
“This might be bold of me to say but that smile you wear around people...you dont need to put up any false pretenses around me. I know my situation and I know it isnt all sunshine and rainbows so feel free to be yourself around me. So one last time, before I go, do you need anything?”
His eyes were wide at what you just said
You had only been here for what? A few weeks? With minimal contact as well
So how did you notice?
The only other person whos ever called him out on it was iwaizumi
And he hated being read like this but he kept that smile up
“Nope im fine”
You nodded and left, closing the door behind you
And as soon as you did he threw his pen down on his desk and held his head in his hands
How...how did you see through him
He had carefully made this mask of his so that no one would be able to see how he was feeling
Emotions were a weakness
He didnt need them
And he sure as hell didnt need you
The next week he made it his mission to completely ice you out
No contact at all
And it made you kind of frustrated
The man steals you away from the other mafia you almost became affiliated with and just throws you to the side?
So you went to him after him doing whatever he could to make sure he avoided you
The man literally had tennis-head outside of his office to scare you away
“What are you doing”
The sudden voice behind you almost made you scream
“Oh iwaizumi! Dont scare me like that!”
You smacked his shoulder as you two hid around the corner from oikawas office
“If you must know im trying to get into oikawas office. I'm sick of his avoiding me like im the plague”
Iwaizumi let out a deep sigh
He knew why oikawa was avoiding you
And he also thought it was a little much
Wasnt it about time he stopped being scared?
“Tell you what y/n, ill distract kenta and while i do you can sneak into oikawas office”
Your eyes sparkled and he almost wanted to laugh
“Really?!” 
He nodded and patted your head
“Get that idiot out of his funk”
He then walked up to kenta and walked off with him, giving you a thumbs up behind his back
And when they were out of sight you knocked on oikawas door and didnt wait for him to respond before barging in
To say he was shocked was an understatement
“What are you-”
“Stop. Before you go on about how youre busy just please listen to me. I dont know what i did to deserve this amount of avoidance but if its about what i said that day, i dont regret what i said. And i wish you would stop avoiding your problems and just confront them”
Confront his problems?
What the hell do you know about his problems
“So you came in here to tell me that? What the fuck do you know about me? Youre just some street rat that poked their nose where it didnt belong. You dont know me so stop trying to tell me what to fucking do! Emotions make you weak and i dont need that”
At this point he had you backed against a wall
And when he realized what just happened he pushed himself away from you
God what the hell was he even doing
Hes spent years perfecting his facade
And then you come barging in and it just breaks?
You slowly approached him and put a hand on his shoulder
“See? Was that so bad? Honestly, seeing you like that was refreshing. Feel free to keep the mindset that emotions make you weak, i wont try to convince you otherwise. Thats a realization you need to make on your own but for now please dont hold back around me”
For the first time in a while oikawas heart stood still, almost as if he could feel himself again
“Whatever. I still have paperwork to do so leave or make yourself useful”
He shrugged your hand off of him and went back to his desk
You just smiled and nodded your head
“Ill be back with a coffee for you!”
And when you exited you bumped into the back of kentarou
“Ah sorry! Ill be back!”
As you ran off kenta took a step toward you
“What the hell..get back here!”
But before he could take another oikawa cleared his throat
“You can leave your post mad-dog. Youre no longer needed here”
Kenta nodded his head but was too shocked to move for a moment, caught off guard by the small smile that lingered on his boss’ face
The couple weeks after that you were allowed back in his office and he even started to request your presence at times for no other reason than he just wanted you to sit in the room with him
And that smile he used to give you was now replaced by a soft, genuine smile that made your heart flutter
Little things started to become more noticeable to you
Like how cute it was when he pouted his lips when he was really focused
And honestly he was too
Your smile was maddening
And your laugh made him feel like he was being swallowed whole, unable to breath
It scared him
Nothing good has ever happened when he became emotionally attached to someone
“Oikawa, are you okay?”
You put your hand up to his forehead and checked for a fever
He could feel his cheeks heating up and gently swatted your hand away
“No im fine. Dont worry about me”
He watched your face fill with concern and his heart lurched forward
This feeling...it scared him. But for now, if its you, hes willing to see where this goes
“Good morning oikawa!”
You walked into his office with his morning coffee which he gladly took from your hands
“Good morning y/n”
He had a job later and needed all the energy he could get
But not before having his morning conversation with you
“I'm leaving around noon with maki and mattsun. Iwa’s in charge till i get back so if you need anything ask him”
You could tell by the way he was talking that it was something serious and therefore probably something to do with the mafia
Sure you had done a few things for Seijoh like fax some papers and have oikawa sign a few things but nothing to where oikawa needed to leave has ever come up
He could see anxiety cloud over your face
“Hey”
He grabbed your hand and gave it a small squeeze
“I’ll be fine. You have nothing to worry about, okay?”
You nodded your head
“Please be safe”
Worry reflected in your eyes and it made him almost go weak
All he could do was nod and give a half smile
The entire time he was away you sat at his desk anxiously waiting for his return
...
“Cough up the money oikawa. We had a deal”
Oikawa looked at the man in front of him with his trademark empty smile
“That wasnt our deal. Now give us what you owe”
The room was tense but nothing that oikawa hasnt dealed with before
But his world soon turned upside down with what was thrown on the table that stood between them next
The color drained from his face as he looked at pictures taken of you without anyone knowing
“Where the hell did you get these”
The man in front of him just laughed
“Now thats an interesting expression oikawa. Never thought id see the day where that smile of yours wasnt on your face”
His knuckles were turning white from how hard he was clenching his fists
“You know, it would almost be a shame if something were to happen to them”
Oikawas eyes widened in fear
It felt as if time around him had stopped for this one moment
And it made him want to puke
“Dont you dare lay a hand on them”
His jaw was so tense that he thought he was about to pop a blood vessel
“Then give us the money”
He wasnt left with much of a choice
So he did what he was told
“See? Was that so hard?”
“Are we done here?”
He was itching to get back as soon as possible
To make sure you were okay
He couldnt rest until he knew you were fine
“Yes now leave”
The car ride seemed to last forever, maki and mattsun had never seen their boss like this and exchanged subtle glances the entire ride
As soon as the car stopped he ran into the building and to your desk
And when he saw you werent there his heart dropped
‘Where are you, y/n?!’
The only other place you could be was his office
He slammed his door open only to see you jump up from his desk, the sleep in your eyes still evident
He let out the breath he didnt even know he was holding as soon as his eyes landed on you
He went straight over to you and pulled you into his arms
The tightness of the hold around you was comforting yet alarming
You brought your arms up to wrap around him and you swear you could feel him slightly shaking
“Oikawa?”
You voice was soft and made him feel weak in the knees
“Just…let me stay like this for a moment”
After that day you were moved into his home and he never left your side
He never fully explained what happened that day
But you knew it had shaken him
Especially since you havent seen his smile since then
You were escorted everywhere
And when you asked why you were only given the short answer of “i said i’d guard you so i'm doing that”
You didnt mind being with him, really
If anything you liked being able to be with him all the time
You just hoped you werent being a hindrance
So one night as you laid in bed while oikawa sat on the ground next to you leaning against the bed frame, you turned towards him
He had been doing this lately to “guard” you and you knew he wasnt sleeping much
“Oikawa”
His eyes immediately met yours
“Am i being a burden on you?”
Though it was dark, he could hear the sadness in your voice
“I just feel like ive been holding you back lately and thats the last thing i want to do”
He cupped your face with his hand and gently stroked your cheek
“Not to mention that you havent smiled once since coming back that day and it just all feels very distant and lonesome. I hope you know that you can talk to me, i’ll never judge you for anything”
And in those few simple words the gate that had been holding back all of his emotions back suddenly broke
“y/n im scared”
His head hung low as his lips trembled
“Im scared to lose you and im scared that ive become weak since being with you but i just cant let you go. Losing you makes me feel more terrified than anything else”
The thought of losing you made it feel as if he was drowning and the water was filling his lungs with a burning sensation
You sat up in your bed and took his hand in yours
“Then why dont you turn that fear into strength? Hiding me...putting me under 24 hour surveillance...its no different than running. I dont want to be away from you either oikawa”
How did you always clear his head? It was like your words just made everything make sense
He made his way onto your bed and started to kiss you, soft yet hungry for more
He could never get enough of you
You made his heart full
And you became his strength
You made him strong and he could never forget this debt
taglist:  @the-ironic-me @multisun @my-mass-hysteria @sugawsites @youbloodylegendyoudidit @sinthxy @celamoon​ @tinymouth @fait-de-fleurs @tsukifanbase​ @69owo​ @laglyssage @hearteyeskags​ @ntngann​ @shnnn​ @fukuro-dani-ace​​ @exponentially-tired​​ @soy1melk​
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master-of-fluff · 3 years
Text
Hold on i still need you
Basically me writing season five in song from morro and wus perspective i guess
*Disclaimer* not my song
The song is 'hold on' by chord overstreet
wu and morro songfic
Words: 1134
*Loving and fighting Accusing, denying*
he wasnt sure what to do, morro insisted that he was going to be the green ninja, and no amount of telling him that he was wrong could make his student see reason.
it seemed that the more he tried the more morro pushed him away.
*I can't imagine a world with you gone The joy and the chaos The demons we're made of I'd be so lost if you left me alone*
"fine then, ill just make destiny change his mind"
"do not be rediculius morro, destiny doesnt work that way" wu shouted, desperatelly trying to get morro to stay.
memories flashed in wu's mind
the first day he had met morro.
when he had taken him in.
the way his face glowed when when he got something right wheather it be a big thing like a complex martial arts move, or something simple like learning how to make a grilled cheese sandwhich the right way.
*You locked yourself in the bathroom Lying on the floor when I break through I pull you in to feel your heartbeat Can you hear me screaming, "Please don't leave me" *
"please morro" wu begged, banging on his bedroom door as the boy packed his bag inside.
a few moments later morro opened his door and pushing past the old man without a second glance.
wu's heart clenched at seeing morro leave but there was nothing he could do to stop him, he wasnt his legal gardian so he had no control whatsoever on what morro did.
so instead he sighed and composed himself, if he couldnt stop morro he would at least say goodbye properly.and so he did bowing low so that morro couldnt see the tears in his eyes and wishing him good luck on his journey, morro nodded stiffly then turned around and started  walking, and just before morro was out of earshot he called.
"just know you will always be welcome back my student"
but morro didnt even look back.
*?Hold on, I still want you*
it had been several days since morro had left and all wu felt was worry and regret.
'what if hes hurt, or lost, or scared and alone somewhere i shouldnt have let him go'
but wu just shook his head at the thought
'no, no morro will be fine, the boy is capable of taking care of himself, i should know i trained him, and its not the first time hes been on the streets' his face scruched up in pain at the last thought 'and it should have been the last' agian wu shook his head
'morro will come back once he's realized hes wrong....he...he has too'...
*Come back, I still need you*
it had now been two years since morro had been seen, and slowly wu began to accept that morro was never coming back.
he spent months grieving his student, his child, why had he let him leave, he was so stupid so stupid, if he had just done something, then maybe morro wouldnt be..wouldnt be...
wu's breath hitched at just the thought that his student could be dead tears streamed down his face as he realized this was all his fault "im so sorry morro" he whispered brokenly to the air
*Let me take your hand I'll make it right I swear to love you all my life Hold on, I still need you*
morro grunted as he climbed the rocks 'the caves of despair' it was the first place on morros hitlist to find the first spinjistu masters tomb.
he would have used his wind but he was too exausted too so ever so slowly morro heaved himself up, he slowly started walking around....trying to find a clue.
he jumped up into a subsection...only to realize that there was a geyser about to explode.morro eyes widened and he quickly looked around for a place to escape, but he found none.
noticing a small crevice just big enough to fit him inside morro quickly crawled inside it and ducked his head, perhaps the water wouldnt reach this far?
he was wrong he was so so wrongsuddenly he was incased in scalding water, all around him, he screamed as the water burned his entire body his last conscious thoughts were filled with fear and regret, as he screamed for his sensie to come save him.
but his sensie wasnt here to rescue him...
*Long endless highway You're silent beside me Driving a nightmare I can't escape from*
wu stared at the figure in shock it was morro! but how? so many emotions ran through him, guilt, shock, grieve.
he had failed his son -his baby, and now his nephew and other students were paying the price.
*Helplessly praying The light isn't fading Hiding the shock and the chill in my bones*
before wu could even think about what he was doing he had conjured up his dragon and flown out towards his son
he could save morro, he could fix things.
wu reached his hand out to morro, he could still save him "please morro, take my hand!" he shouted almost desperatly.
*They took you away on a table I pace back and forth as you lay still They pull you in to feel your heartbeat Can you hear me screaming, "Please don't leave me"?*
as morro looked at his sensie, memories flashed through his head
sensie giving him his first kite (one of many)
the lessons he taught him
how he had comforted him after nightmares
taught him to cook
the time sensie had taken him to the beach.
but morro knew that he was just too far gone, he had done to much damage.
looking at his sensie for one last time he uttered his final words
"you can only save those who want to be saved"
and with the last of his strenth morro pushed the realm crystal into wus hand before meeting his murky demise 'im sorry...father'
he thought taking his last breath."NOOO!" wu's anguished scream rang out, not caring how many people heard.
"MORRO!!!"
*Hold on, I still want you, Come back, I still need you Let me take your hand, I'll make it right I swear to love you all my life Hold on, I still need youI don't wanna let go I know I'm not that strong I just wanna hear you Saying baby, let's go home Let's go home I just wanna take you home Hold on, I still want you Come back, I still need you*
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rydeszegras · 3 years
Text
hospitals make miracles - r.donovan
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hi guys ! this is my first fic and its not good whatsoever but figured id give it a shot haha, hope you enjoy !
wc: 1,623
warnings: minor swearing, mentions of injuries
-
you were a senior at andover high school on a roadie up to your annual trip in duluth. youve been taking this trip since your freshman year as you were one of the first players to ever make varsity as a freshman. that being said, this was your year, this was the year you had to show out. being named captain this season not only did you have to step up and lead the team, but you also had to focus on your game as it was your year to get scouted. you’d been looked at by minnesota-duluth, boston college, and minnesota, but all you wanted was to go to wisconsin, and this was your year to make it happen.
“y/n/n, are you ready to see all the hot duluth boys this weekend? i heard their varsity team plays at the same time of us and they have the wisco hot shot ryder donovan.” lilly said bouncing up and down in the seat next to you. you and lilly had been best friends ever since you met eachother at little wild camp 12 years ago. “y/n are you even listening”, “oh yeah sorry lil, just thinking about this weekend, did you know wisconsin scouts are gonna be there, i dont know if i can do this lil, i cant mess up, my future relies on this weekend” you exclaimed, trying not to freak out. “y/n/n you’ll be great i promise, but we should get some rest, weve still got 1.5 hours left and we’ve got a big game against east tonight.” you nod your head in agreement, dozing off into a deep sleep.
after an hour and a half of driving you arrive at the rink, getting up you fix your hair and adjust your sweats and parka and get ready to go grab your bag. after grabbing your bag, you start to head into the rink when you hear lil and ken start screaming, turning your head you see what all the fuss is about. and there he is. standing right before your eyes. ryder donovan. you’ve seen him in pictures as you followed him and some of his friends on instagram, but wow he was even prettier in person.
stumbling into the rink you make your way into the locker room gearing up to take the ice for warmups at duluth heritage. stepping onto the ice you complete your typical warmup of one-timers, slaps, and some stretching before noticing two big things in the stands. wisconsins top scout, and wisconsins top recruit, ryder. you didnt like it, but you just couldnt take your eyes off him.
the game begins and you take the ice playing your heart out making a clean goal through the five hole and racking in two more assists. after taking the ice to begin the last 20 mins of play, you get ready to take the faceoff for the third period. you win the faceoff clean and go to prepare to set yourself up to take a one-timer on the net. thats when tragedy strikes, when bringing your stick back to recieve the one-timer, before you know it you’re slammed into the boards on a cross check. tumbling down you hear a snap, a snap so loud that you watch the scout and ryder jump to their feet. as the athletic trainer scrambles to try and get you off the ice, you’re taken off the ice on a stretcher as you cant seem to put any weight on your right leg.
on the way to the hospital all you can think is why me, why now, why today. knowing it was probably your acl, you knew you were done for the season, that was it, it was over. scrolling through your twitter you saw your team won 5-2, which put your team in an excellent spot to start the season.
you arrived at the hospital and settled into your bed when a quite familiar but unfamiliar face walked into your toom. left speechless you see the 6’3 brunette standing in your doorway. “hey im ryder, i know you probably dont know me but i know you, you’re all the wisconsin scout has talked about for the past year and as im committed there i knew i had to see what the girls team is gonna have to offer and let me tell you, you looked incredible out there” ryder says shakily, messing with his fingers. you thank ryder and invite him into your room to sit on the chair. “trust me ryder i know you, youre all the girls have talked about after finding out that we played east this season, and youre committed to my dream school so theres that too, but theres no way the wisconsin scout wants anything to do with me, especially now that i have a double torn acl” you said, pointing down at your stitched up and wrapped knee, trying not to cry.
the next day, lil picked you up to bring you back to your hotel. on the car ride there you told her about everything that happened last night but when telling her you felt you sounded crazy, theres no way that thee ryder donovan went to visit YOU at the hospital and there’s absolutely no way that the wisconsin scout actually liked you. that was until you saw the instagram notification pop up on your screen... rydesdono would like to send you a message. you were shocked, theres no way that actually happened, but you opened the dm anyways to see what there was to say.
-
ryder donovan:
hey cutie, i never got your number last night and i was hoping we could catch up a little bit sometime if you feel up to it, i know with your knee it might not be easy, but i figured i would ask:)
you sat speechless. theres no way last night absolutely happened and there was absolutely no way he just called you “cutie”, but of course youre gonna meet up with ryder, no matter how much work it is
-
you:
hey rydes! id love to meet up with you again ! heres my number 952-***-****
-
thinking he might not actually text you because thats what hockey boys do, but sure enough you were proved wrong
-
maybe: ryder
hey y/n its ryder, pick you up at 6?
you:
absolutely, cant promise it’ll be easy with my knee and all, but i’ll make it work:))
rydes:
how about i pick us up food and bring it back to your hotel room, that way you can still have dinner with me but you can rest your knee at the same time;)
you:
that sounds great, ill make sure to leave the door unlocked
-
speechless you instantly call lilly and tell her everything, who freaks out the second you mention his name. as much as she doesnt believe it, you dont either. how is it that getting injured led you to a hot shot hockey player that is committed to the same school you are (yep thats right, wisco gave you an offer!!), one who’s actually genuine and nice AND insanely attractive. its mind blowing, but knowing theres no way this goes anywhere, as youd have to take the 2 hour drive back to andover in two days and probably wouldnt see ryder again until next year when you were both at wisconsin.
about an hour and a half later you hear two quiet knocks at your door, yelling “come in” at the sound. from your bed you see the cute hockey player who walks in from the doorway carrying the bag of food he got from grandmas, which happened to be your favorite restaurant in duluth. ryder sets the food on the table getting your food prepared so you didnt have to get up. he brings your food over to you and you invite him to sit next to you on your bed. you turned on your tv to the umd vs minnesota game as you rest your head on ryder who had just put his arm around you after you both finished eating. after talking for hours, that really felt like 10 mins, ryder decided that he should probably get back home and even if you didnt want him to go, you agreed.
for weeks after that you and ryder talked and talked for hours on end nonstop whether it was through snapchat, messages, or facetime. even though you only lived two hours apart, your schedules clashed too much to ever be able to meet up with eachother again. eventually after a year later you had completed your physical therapy and were ready to start your first year as a badger, but most importantly you were eager for ryder to get into town so you could hug the gorgeous brunette again.
when arriving at labahn, you were preparing yourself for the first day of practice and your next meet up with ryder, as the boys were using labahn as well as kohl center was undergoing some remodeling. you pull your bag out of your grand cherokee when you saw the brunette, and just like the first time you saw him your heart stopped. dropping your bag you ran in a dead sprint to see him as he dropped his bag and ran towards you wrapping his arms around your shoulders as if its been decades since youve last seen him as he held you for what felt like forever, when ryder whispered into your ear, “so hospitals really do make miracles happen” as he picked you up to kiss you before making your way into practice, knowing that without your injury you may have never found eachother the way you did.
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nokiawrites · 4 years
Text
ʙᴜɴɴʏ ʙᴜɴᴄʜᴇꜱ(ɪᴢᴜᴋᴜ x reader)
(Boss-Intern/Hybrid AU)
Warnings: Smut, Cat Hybrid!Female!Reader, Bunny Hybrid!Izuku, (Everyone is pretty much hybrids) Im also rlly bad at warnings
Part2
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Summary: Your new bunny Intern with the silvery voice has caught your attention once again, but who knows if this time you can get to him first.
    The quick pitter patter of my feet as I walk through the parking lot to the elevator are drowned out by my thoughts.  
         My every waking thoughts constantly running rampant of that that green haired ball of energy. So sickeningly sweet yet enticing. Our newest Intern, Izuku Midoriya. The bunny hybrid who held the whole world in their eyes. Just the same as the last time you saw him.
 You slowly enter the elevator and press the button for your floor number, tail swaying from side to side slowly. Standing there idly humming to yourself as the lift slowly rose to your floor. ‘PING’ the loud sound of the lift arriving snaps you out of your daze. The doors slowly open and you step out and begin making your way to your office. 
Besides the soft hums of conversations and typing it is rather peaceful in the cubicles. “Hey (y/n)!”. Well shit. You turn to where the voice came from and lo and behold the man whose been on your mind, standing there in all his glory. He smiles brightly at you, ears on the top of his head at full height. You look at him blank faced. 
“Please stop calling me by my first name during work hours, people will think we are friends.” You spit at him in a hushed tone. You turn away and begin walking away. He follows behind you closely, he begins giggles. “I mean of course were friends dummy.” He says to you in full confidence. “Well im sorry to burst your fucking bubble, were far from friends, you work for me and thats all.” 
You make it to your office and kicking your heels off. His ears drooped some. “Well its ok (l/n), No need to be a bitch about it.” He huffs at you also walking into your office closing the door and plopping down on the sofa. “Me?! A Bitch?!” Your head does a perfect 180 and you scowl at him.“Yea, you.” He plops a gummy bear into his mouth. “Where the hell did you get gummy bears from?! You know what, doesnt matter, stop eating in my office. I have work to do.” 
You shuffle over to your desk  and plop down in your seat, pulling out your papers and beginning to work. Your ears sit upright. You can hear loud Chewing. Ignoring it was not even an option. You can hear it over your on thoughts at this point. You look up with a huff and there izuku is. “You chewing to loud dipshit.” For a bunny hybrid he is loud as hell. 
Your becoming irritated. A knock on your door turns your attention away from the green haired male laying on your sofa. “Come in” you mumble. Your assistant Tsuyu walks in. “ Ms(l/n), Mr Todoroki wants to know if your meet for later today is still on?” She shuffles through papers in her hands. You take a minute to think, ‘do I really want to have to deal with Enji’s shit today? nah’. “ Tell him i would like to reschedule for next week, and Tsuyu, take a rest of the day off I got it today.” She nods her head and walks out quietly shutting the door behind her.
A couple of minutes goes past uneventfully. “You know you cant always be mad at me.” The human bunny hybrid speaks. You chuckle at him “Thats a good one.” You continue doing what you were doing. Izuku sits up from his lying down position. “Im serious, listen we both made mistakes. So we have to let go to help ourselves grow as people.” You sit your pen down and you look at him. “Are you fucking kidding me? We both made mistakes? You fucking cheated on me, and WE made mistakes? You must be out of your rabbit ass mind!”
 You jolt upwards, now standing making your way around the desk to the sofa. “Hey I said sorry, okay.” He says as you stalk closer to him. “ Do you think sorry is going to fix the fucking pain i felt?” Your ears are completely pined against your head as you his at him. “well what do want me to do?” You take the tights off of your legs and ball it up, throwing it. You begin to slide you panties off. griping them in your hand tightly. “If your really fucking sorry you’ll make mommy feel good.” Izuku turned pink. 
“You know I cant do that, you know im dating Ochaco.” You shake your head. “Do you really think I give a fuck about that home wrecking bitch, do what your told unless you want you darling little Ochaco to know that her boyfriends boss is his ex girlfriend and that you dick still gets hard to the thought of my cunt on your face?” He freezes. “Your probably fucking hard right now aren’t you. You sick fucking shit. Getting off of calling me mommy” Before he can react you stuff your underwear in his mouth. “go ahead, can you taste mommy on it?” He says something unintelligible and nods. 
“Good because that is the last time you will ever fucking taste it.” He reaches to take the panties out of his mouth. You slap him with force before he can. You can tell he’s gonna bruise later. His phone rings. its Ochaco. He looks up at your form questioningly. You nod. “Pick it up” He does just that. As he talks you begin to unzip his pant. His breath hitches. keep talking, you mouth to him. You pull out his hard length. He twitches in your hand. gracious amounts of precum falls onto your hand. His tip red with a purple hue. You flatten you tongue and run it from base to tip and stopping to suck on his mushroomed head. 
He chokes on his spit “uh yeah im fine Ochaco I just choked on my spit, but i have to go, yeah ill t-talk to you later bye.” He rushed to hang up his phone up. You stood back up, taking in the view of him. He looked so perverted with his dick out leaking and pulsing. But he looked so innocent with his flustered face. You wanted to corrupt him. He reaches out and cups your naked core. Massaging your folds. You lean into him, beginning to straddle him. He rubs his fingers against your wet entrance, slightly teasing you. He pushes his two fingers into you breaching your warm walls. You reach both of your hands around to his back. Your hand grabs his shoulder. The other one slowly going down his back. You grip his tail. 
“(y-y/n) you know my tail is sensitive.” He removes his fingers from you and grips your hips with both hands. You smirk against his neck. “I know.” You snatch his cotton ball of a tail with your hand. His hips thrust up into yours. His dick ruts against your wet core. The humping motion causing his dick to stimulate your clit. Your feeling hot, you can feel your heart beat in your pussy. “Come on baby, fuck mommys tight pussy. You have my permission. He whines out starting to rut harder against you. You lift yourself lining izuku’s meat rod to your dripping core. You begin to slowly go down, Not used to the feeling of him inside of you yet. Izuku grabs you hips and slams you down onto him before you could intervene. 
Izuku begins to get into position, he braces his feet on the floor and grips you with both arms, beginning to thrust up into you. You can barley keep your eyes open. His curved dick keeps beating at your walls. You reach down to you clit and begin to rub it trying to satisfy that building pressure in your abdomen. You gush out on him, he humps you through it all. You push off of him with a huff. “Mommy?” He whines out at the loss of your heated walls. walking over to your desk you sit on the edge and spread you legs giving him a good view of your box. “Come on baby, come get what you want.” He practically jumps out of his seat and rushes to you, lining back up with you and pushing straight back into your depths. you wrap your legs around him. He starts fucking into you like he was out for revenge. 
You throw your head back moaning out as his tip hits your g spot. Your tail raps around his leg. “Say you love me more than Ochaco.” You breath out. No answer. He keeps fucking into with the speed of a jack rabbit. You santch his hair pulling his head back. He moans out as he gets closer. You grab his face between your fingers and pushing your foot into his hips causing him to stop thrusting. "Tell me you love me more than her, fucking say it. your tail begins flicking the more agitated you get. Looking at you doe eyed he stumbles over his words "You know i cant say that, i love both you and Ochaco the same." You scoff looking away in disgust. "If that was fucking true you wouldnt be balls deep in me while your girlfriend is at home waiting for you." 
You look back at him in disgust for the second time today. Pushing him off of you. Causing his dick to fall out with a wet sound. He whimpered at the loss of your heat. "kneel" you bark at him. Ears pined to the top of your head. Midoriya drops to his knees his ears lifeless against his head. "Know show mommy that your sorry for being a shitty boyfriend who cant even keep his dick in his fucking pants." "m'sorry" he mumbled. 
" Stop being a little fucking bitch and actually apologize!!" You yell at him. He just stares up at you. Hissing you hop off of the desk pulling your skirt down and snatching him up by the collar of his shirt, " If you dont want to be here get the fuck out, go the fuck home. Why are you still here if your in love with her?" You begin to push im towards your office door, eyes filling with tears.  “ill have you transferred to another buliding." You begin putting yourself back together and getting dressed. "N-no, im sorry." He squeaks out after almost a eternity of silence. You wipe the tears out of your eyes, putting a stern face on. 
“well i have no other choice, your fired.”
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dirtangeldean · 2 years
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i keep encountering the same issue of long form thoughts and short form thoughts not translating while fixing typos and shit but here: im not sure if people recognize how hard it is dealing with 7 of the same stessors including autism and anxiety are while problem solving
trying to regulate when people think your needs are just whims bc youre still forming paragraphs is difficult. living/existing with ppl who think the same things makes you try to convince yourself youre just being picky but u know everyone has their own shit thats not lost on you and then when shit hits the fan you begin to wonder why you doubted yourself its bc no one is listening so you twist your own advocacy into a belief you were just complaining. and when those things change how you interact with people and you explain whats going on some of those very people will then weaponizing your issues or sensory triggers or whatever they asked for what they said they wanted to help support you its hard to deal with but you dont wanna close yourself and you dont want to think it will happen again you express things in various ways and folks then say later you just were waiting for it to happen its just a mindtrip idk im dealing with brain fog and other shit so idk how to better explain and trying to do this in an informative way or essay way or engaging way is not what my brain can handle right now im just saying
anyway im saying i may not be as engaging until some real life shit changes and my wip is on hold and this has like zero to do with anyone here i just need to say it so i stop gaslighting myself
ill try to get to my notes and everything later and maybe move this to read more but everytime i try to out readmore from my phone it doesnt work and im tired i hope youre all doing well sorry this is long feel free to scroll pls dont be reblog and be difficult i just can not do it right now actually may just dont reblog at this point
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ao3gingerswag · 3 years
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on the whole idea of the boys when they're older interacting with kids, what if one day a kid comes in with his family who's like rly shy and timid, like not bc of abuse he's just rly shy and with his family who are perhaps quite boisterous and he's not and he gets quite anxious and there's a whole thing where the boys are able to bring him out of his shell ;~; like when he and his family are sitting down for a meal dean comes out with their food and makes him relax bc hes so good with kids. he comes down during the night bc he heard a noise and got scared and cas is down there cleaning up for the night and talks to him about nature to calm him down and the boy is like :)) and then the next morning he's outside and there's other kids who are playing with sam and he's off to the side but sam notices and is able to bring him into the play and he ends up making friends with the other kids, and then by the time the family have to leave the inn he's like smiling and happy and he turns to his parents and is like 'can we come back here soon :D' and it's this rly nice moment, maybe from his perspective so we get to see others reactions to the boys :))
ALSO AS I WAS WRITING THIS I HAD AN EPIPHANY WHAT IF THE BOY IS JACK. DOESN'T NEED TO BE BUT IT WORKS KINDA WELL!!
awwww this is so cute!!! Maybe this could be combined with the prompt about cas helping the family with an autistic child and helping the parents understand their kid better....like maybe the kid is autistic and so he has a hard time talking sometimes and is withdrawn bc of difficulty interacting with others. and dean is so good with kids, even if he can't spot right away that the kid is autistic like cas would be able to, he can tell when he comes out with the food that the kid is in distress. like he's like and here's yours sir :) to the kid (dean is very polite but he is calling the kid sir as a bit of a joke to make the kid smile) and the kid like doesnt look up and the parents are like oh sorry he's just shy. and dean is like oh. hmmm. cause the kid has like his fingers clenched in his tunic. when he comes back out he like crouches next to the kid to make him feel more comfortable and is like hey :) i'm dean :) and the kid doesnt look up or say anything and the parents r like sorry he gets like this idk why. jack look at the nice boy and introduce yourself. (i didnt watch the later seasons but from what i see on tumblr.edu the consensus is that jack is autistic so!) and dean is like no thats ok he doesnt have to look at me/talk to me. and then to jack he's like. u know i have a friend who doesn't always look at people or talk to them and we get along just fine. so i think me and jack are gonna get along great :) and then to jack he's like. you know. my friend and i dont always talk using our voices. sometimes we use our hands! (i guess this is post meeting eileen- i've said this on a different post but once dean cas and sam r introduced to the concept of sign language they adopt it immediately bc cas feels so much more comfortable communicating like that when he's having trouble w/ words) and jack is like ??! so turns towards dean w/o making eye contact, clearly intrigued. and dean is like :) wanna see? :) and jack nods. and dean shows him a few basic signs and jack mimics him. and one of the words is upset. and then once jack learns it, dean signs "you upset?" to him. ;~; and jack nods. and dean is like. wanna tell me what's up? maybe i can help! and then jack does the shy kid thing of indicating with body language that they dont wanna say what's wrong out loud, so dean leans in and jack whispers into his ear "loud." and dean is like oh! i see! we can fix that :) can i tell your parents what you just told me? and jack nods. so dean says to the parents (who r looking on in bemusement) its a bit loud in here for jack. mind if i take him outside for a minute? and the parents are like oh! sweetheart why didnt you tell us? (they arent bad parents they just dont get jack and its the middle ages so its not like there is info out there) and jack shrugs and the parents sort of helplessly shrug at each other, bc jack not verbalizing issues is a common problem for them. and they r like um its ok u dont have to take him outside we will take him. but do u mind bringing our food outside and stuff. like can we eat there. and dean is like of course no problem! and theyre like r u sure? im sorry that u have to go out of ur way for us, im sorry about our son, he can be. kinda fussy sometimes. and dean is like literally dont worry about it!
so then jack's parents take him outside and they all eat on the porch, and dean keeps popping back over to check on them. and jack is clearly much happier and starts to become much more verbal now that he's not overstimulated. still shy and quiet but much more smiley and every time dean brings them something he's very quietly like "thank you."
omg! maybe dean notices that he's not eating his food and so he's like do we want something else? and the parents r like omg no omg im sorry he's just so particular about what he likes omg the food is great jack pls eat ur food dont be rude. and dean is like he's not being rude at all he's a very polite young man :) id be happy to bring something else out. and the parents r like. well. if you're sure...he likes things that r like. boring. like really really boring. like plain porridge with nothing in it and stuff like that. and dean is like mashed potatoes? and the parents r like yes! and jack perks up. and so he brings that out for jack. and he brings it out and the parents r like omg omg thank u SO much for going so out of ur way for our weird kid even tho he still wont look at u at all. they dont say that part they're not assholes to jack, its implied tho and jack kinda curls into himself bc hes embarrassed about causing problems. and dean ofc notices and is like. u know. my friend who talks with his hands can be very particular too. he doesnt like the noise in the dining room either, and he also only likes certain foods. and jack perks up again :)
ahhh he keeps coming out to check on them and he's like hey how u doing? and!! oh no maybe dean also taught him the sign for happy and he signs "happy" at dean ;~:
to be clear- dean doesn't make the connection that jack LIKE like cas, as in he's autistic, at least not yet. like i think he WOULD if he had more time with him, but cas is the only autistic person he's ever met, and he just met jack. dean def just thinks he's very shy, but he's great with kids and can tell right away that jack is upset, and he shows him the signs not cause he realizes that jack is actually non-verbal in that moment but because he really doesnt care if the kid doesn't want to talk to him, he just wants to help. and he shows him the signs and stuff bc he wants the kid to tell him whats wrong, but kids wont tell strangers that if u just ask upfront, you have to gain their trust a little first ;~; and dean understands all of this instinctually bc he's great with kids so he manages to figure out whats wrong and solve the problem even without realizing that jack is autistic. ;~;
the person who figures out that jack is autistic is definitely cas!! jack comes down in the middle of the night maybe not cause he hears a noise, maybe he just cant sleep bc he hates his routine being disrupted and being in a new place ;~; and the sheets feel all wrong and everything smells wrong and everything is different and he hates it ;~; so he comes downstairs maybe be he's crying and he doesnt want to wake his parents up. and cas is downstairs cleaning up still, it's totally quiet tho now so there is no overstimulation. and cas is like oh! a tiny person!! uuhhh.... he def panics a little bc he's not good w people and he's not sure what to do with a random crying child. maybe he briefly considers waking dean up bc dean is good with kids and also maybe he saw dean talking to jack earlier. but then hes like no dean is tired i dont want to bother him ill try to deal with it. and hes like um. hello. um. my name is castiel i am the owner of this inn. um i guess u dont care about that. um. r u ok? and then the kid signs "upset" ;~; and cas is like oh! bc thats their signs! so he signs "what's wrong, why are you upset?" back even tho like it's just their home signs so how would this kid know them. but he signed "upset" so cas responds kinda on instinct. and the kid does not understand anything other than upset bc dean only showed him like 5 signs and he kinda already forgot the other ones. but it doesnt matter! bc those r hand words like dean was talking about and showing him! which must mean this is his friend who doesnt like looking at people or talking!! and jack is verbally like. r u dean's friend who doesnt like looking at people or talking. and cas is like um? yeah i guess? thats me. and jack is like ! i am very particular too! and bc he trusts dean and now by extension cas, and believes dean about cas being "particular" like him, he doesnt feel embarrassed about admitting what's wrong. and he spills his guts hes like everything is WRONG i dont like how anything feels or smells or tastes and everything is different from how it is at home and i HATE it and mom and dad says thats rude but i dont want to be rude but i cant sleep bc everything is all wrong!!! ;~; and he says all this not looking at cas and waving his hands around his head. and cas is like......................................................................oh. hm. i see. this is Me.
so he's just very empathetic and is like im really sorry i totally understand, you're not being rude, i also feel that way whenever we travel and i also am very selective about what i can touch and eat and stuff and am very sensitive to the physical environment. i know i cant fix it all but is there anything i can do to help you feel better? do u want to try some different blankets? and he takes jack to the linen closet and is extremely patient as he brings down each blanket and lets jack touch each one and decide which is the best. and it DOESNT solve everything but just having someone take him seriously and listen to him makes jack feel so much better and hes eventually able to go back to sleep ;~;
in the morning theyre outside, sam who's like 16 or whatever is chasing the kids around playing tickle monster. and jack's parents try to get him to go play with sam and the other kids but he doesnt want to he's too shy and anxious. and cas keeps staring at jack like :( bc he KNOWS but he doesnt know what to do about it. he brings it up with dean and dean is like OH. i see THATS what was going on with him he's like you! and cas is like yeah :( idk what to do about it...
sam sees jack hanging around with his parents on the side and he's like hey! do u want to come play? and jack is like................ and his parents r like sorry hes really shy. and sam is like thats ok! i have an idea, why dont we change the game and we can play hide and seek! (bc that doesnt require jack to jump in to interacting with a big crowd of kids) he's like :) i bet u can hide real well! :) and jack is like! :D and he nods bc hes like whoa i CAN hide really well! and they play hide and ofc sam is the seeker but when he finds the kids he always kinda turns it into man hunt cause he's like ah HA i got u!!! and he chases them around. and eventually he finds jack and hes like mwahahahaha now im gonna EAT you!!! and jack like screeches and giggles and bolts away and sam chases him and the other kids, and basically he like tricks jack into playing the exact same game they were playing before by like easing him into it by not making the start of the game require walking up to a crowd of ppl. but then once they r in the game he's ok just running around with the other kids :)
meanwhile dean and cas watch this and dean is like. do u want to talk to the parents. and cas is like. :/ i dont know how to do that. like how would we even start that conversation. and dean is like. i can help u :) so he does! he's like hey u remember i was talking about my friend to ur son the other day? this is he! u met him when u were checking in! ive noticed that he's like really really similar to ur son and has some of the same issues, and we were wondering if u wanted to talk about how cas deals with some of those things? and basically dean eases them into the conversation and makes it unintimidating for both parties. and cas teaches the parents all about the concept of sign language, and how going non-verbal is more than just being shy, and like they start describing situations in which jack was like Weird theyre like one time he started screaming and crying and rocking in public we didnt know what to do! and cas is like well where were u? what was going on? and like helps them identify the kinds of sensory things that probably trigger jack and stuff. and just like. its a good convo.
omg and cas is literate by this point and maybe the parents r too and hes like. if u ever wanna write to me and ask me about more shit and whatever pls dont hesitate. and then they DO and basically they help this family understand and raise their autistic son and its great!!! :D
anyway this is a VERY long response i definitely just outlined a mini-fic here.
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words-for-holland · 4 years
Text
The Songs In Our Life: A New Friend
Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader
Summary : A simple city girl with a new job crosses paths with a thriving celebrity who’s extremely late for an important press interview
A/N: The long awaited first chapter. Sorry it took so long. First chapters are always hard for me and the writer’s block was real with this.
Inspired by: Friend - Kaitlyn Harner & Best Day of my Life - Robert Palmer
Album Description | Track 1 |
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I’ll never forget the day I met Tom. My life had been so simple before him but the moment he stepped into my life, my world was filled with excitement and color. It was the day when my story had it just begun.
I had left my quiet hometown for the busy city life in New York, where I had just started my new job at Marvel Entertainment’s corporate office. It had always felt like a fever dream, never in a million years, thinking I would ever get the chance to work there as a lead developer for their website. Any other human being would be nervous, but I was terrfied from the start. A new job, a new home, everything was unfamiliar and the only thing keeping close to home was my best friend Kaitlyn.
Few months of adjusting to the New had passed, and life seemed to settle down, remaining static until that faithful day. I made it to doors of the Marvel Office, always arriving at the same time like clock work. A crowd of fangirls surrounded the area, which only meant that a press event was taking place at the office.
I paid no attention and headed straight to the I.T. Department, where I worked my ass for the next 5 hours, coding and testing new features. Eventually, I took a break and decided to walk around the halls. My thoughts started clouding around me, as I wondered who was coming to visit this time. Surely it had to be one of the actors from the MCU, but who?
“Oh..Im so sorry darling. Are you okay?” A frantic voice asked, steading my body with their hands. I looked up at the person I had just collided with, my eyes widening at the realization of who I just bumped into. Tom Holland. Of course, it all makes sense now as to why a fan girl army was barricading the doors of the office.
I shook my head and kept myself together. “Y-yeah. Im fine. Sorry it’s my fault I should have watched where I was going.” I smiled at him, smoothing down my plaid shirt, making very little eye contact.
“No, dont apologize.” Tom chucked to himself as he looked down as well. “I..uh..Im running a but late for an interview and well I wasnt watching myself.” He looked right back at me, smiling. I never found him that attractive before. I always thought that he was over hyped, but in this small moment he wasnt too bad. It was definitely the eyes..those dark brown eyes and that charming smile, but why did he make me feel so nervous?
“No, it’s fine. Are you lost?” I asked without thinking. The moment the words escaped my lips, I mentally smacked myself. Of course he’s not lost. The British dude probably has a whole team of people, making sure his life is in order. Why would he need someone from IT to help find his room?
“Actually I am” Tom chuckled, his cheeks showing of a tint of pink. “I wouldn’t mind a bit of company.”
I briefly look at the clock to make sure I had time before my break ended, and I thanked the Lord I did. “Yeah I’ve got time. Follow me.”
The walk to the conference room was silent, at least for the first few minutes. Our body language mirroring the other, hands pocketed, heads facing straight ahead. I tried to get myself to say something...anything but I didn’t know what sounded less stupid. “So...what do you do around here?” His voice snapped me out of my overthinking, breaking the awkwardness.
“Oh..I work as a developer. You know writing codes, fixing things people break, asking others if they tried turning their computer off and on?” I explain to Tom, giggling at my own joke. God, he probably didnt think it was funny because he doesnt know your job.
He looks my way, feeling his eyes on me. “That sounds lovely.” Tom responds laughing along. He nervously adds “In..in a good way. Im sure you’re fantastic at it.”
I looked at him with curiosity. Ive never seen him so nervous. Technically I’ve never seen him in any emotional state in person till now, or any man in general showing a sign of nervousness talking to me. Guess, I never earned that charm. “I’d like to think so. Probably not as success as you at your job. You’re practically a God around here.” Oh no..Im over did it.
“Lies.” He laughs. “Im sure you’ve just mistaken me for Robert Downey Jr.”
“You play Spiderman, don’t you?”
“One of many roles I’m known for.” He smiles, cheekily.
“Then Im pretty sure I know who you are.” I chuckle at my response as I lead him to the door. My heart drops a little as I lead him the door, knowing that Ill probably wont see him again after this. But why would I care it wasnt like I wad really that into him in the first place anyway. “And this is you’re stop.” I open up the door for Tom to enter.
“Ah...right.” His smiled drops as he reached the door. Was he just as let down as I was that our conversation was coming to a close? Tom looked to me and showed of that charming smile of his again. “Thank you.....” he prolonged his sentence, realizing he never caught my name.
“Y/N” I say confidently, only because I was 99.9% sure I couldnt mess that part up. “It was nice talking to you Tom.”
“Ah so she does know my name.” Tom joked around prolonging the moment.
“Yeah..well I have to get back and I dont want you to be any later than you need to be, so I’ll see ya —”
“Will I get to see you again?” He asked quickly, eyes filled with anticipation.
I was suprised by his response, my mouth dropping. “Uh...you want to see me...again? Like after this?”
“Yeah.” He said, assuming it was obvious. “I think you’re pretty cool and I’d love to hang out and learn more about you. Plus couldnt hurt to have someone show me some really good places to eat in the city.” Tom kept rambling, but I quickly took out a pen and impulsively wrote my number on his wrist.
“Im free tonight after work. We can meet back here if you want.” I smile as I quickly dash back to the IT wing.
“Can’t wait...Y/N.” Tom mumbles, trying hard to supress his excited.
Proceed to Track 2.
Taglist (Send an ask or message to be added):
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mousehole5000 · 3 years
Text
 this is it... the final post.... 226 through THE END!!!!!
this shit with mu qing and the river of lava is SOOOO dramatic im loving it
oh my god theyre on a FUCKING bridge of course they are okay let’s go boys
“You’re right. We’re alike. You think me odd, I think you to be rather weird too.” - so what im getting from this is that xie lian and mu qing are the only characters in this book with working gaydar okay yup got it this checks out
god... the fact that xie lian is ready to be like “look mu qing we can just forget about the past it doesnt matter we dont have to be friends i know you dont like me but im not gonna let you die over it” and then mu qing is like “.... god i really do admire you huh”
“You...certainly...are rather amazing. You’re...also...a better person...than me. Long story short, I...very much wanted...to become your f-f-friend.”  - going to think about this for the rest of all time im about to become utterly unintelligible im overcome with emotions
“And, at the end of the white silk band, Feng Xin was gripping Ruoye with one hand while the other was holding on to a steel-faced Mu Qing, and he shouted towards him.” - the fucking IMAGE of this im gonna cry this is everything i could have asked for im so happy also mu qing dangling there like “ welp. guess ill live“
“Feng Xin was almost burnt by that pillar of fire, and he shouted in outrage. “WHAT’S WITH THIS BAND OF DOG SHITS, ATTACKING PEOPLE WHILE THEY’RE DOWN, SO VILE! FUCK YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!” Xie Lian responded, “IF THEIR ENTIRE FAMILIES ALL LOOK LIKE THAT, YOU SURE YOU WANT TO FUCK THEM??” - theyre so funny!!! and theyre best friends!!! theyre joking together now in the middle of all this i could cry theyre back!!!
“Using sticks as arrows, he held the bow with one hand and used his teeth to bite back the bowstring.” - no clue how practical this is but okay archer boy. hot
i actually have so many little quips between the three of them highlighted but we’d be here all night if i included them all. im literally so delighted by this omg worth the wait
“Each sabre strike slashed to the bone. It wasn’t like Xie Lian had never seen Hua Cheng use the sabre before in the past, but his style had always been easy and leisurely, nonchalant and casual. Rather than say he was handling a weapon, it was more like he was toying with a small knife. Yet those blade marks were filled with killing intent. It was easy to imagine just how skilled the one exchanging blows with him was, and how perilous this battle.” you have no idea how mad i was when i read this and thought we missed witnessing the fight between hc and jw omg
“Behind him, Feng Xin muttered, “Dear fucking god, may all the gods and buddhas grant their blessings, that better absolutely be Crimson Rain Sought Flower, otherwise he’s gonna go mad!” “Stop your rubbish,” Mu Qing berated. “We’re all the gods and buddhas ourselves and we can’t grant shit, just keep up with him! Look at the stumbling way he’s running, he’s gonna trip and fall to his bloody death before he even sees the man!” - okay i know i said no more quips but this is literally too funny i just wanted to read it again
“ However, for whatever reason, that vicious ghost, in its muddled state, took that large group of live mortals under its wing and fled for many days. In the end, they were still surrounded by millions of ghosts, trapped in a dead end, and it was going to be eaten along with those humans.” [...] “That vicious ghost almost made a move against those humans, but for some reason, in the end, it didn’t. It instead used one of its own eyes as the price to forge a blood weapon. That vicious ghost was already forcibly hanging on with its last breath; after digging out its eye it should’ve broken apart completely. Yet somehow something had shocked it, and it instead woke to its senses completely. “ - THIS IS AMAZING ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? IS THIS ALL WE GET ABOUT HIS GHOSTLY LORE?????? HUA CHENGGGGGGGG
“What a terrible offence, his old habit had come out, and he quickly apologized. “I’m sorry! You don’t have to listen to me!” Hua Cheng, however, only smiled happily. “Everything gege tells me is the best advice, so why wouldn’t I listen?” - this isnt the fucking time afjdkfjsdkl they really never stop
“So you can hold the illusion of a perfect Crown Prince of Wuyong to face and dismiss the Jun Wu now. Isn’t that your objective? Did you think I don’t know what you’re thinking?” “THAT’S NOT IT!” Guoshi cried. “Stop getting tied up in right and wrong, victories and defeat, I’VE NEVER THOUGHT THAT WAY BEFORE!” - jun wu only being able to see xie lian as his successor and believing that thats all anyone else sees too... okay
honestly this whole final showdown was a blast i cant put everything in but it was so much fun to read. the DRAMA the LAVA the SHOUTING t
“Hua Cheng had poured too much spiritual power into him. There really was too much, so much that it was completely outside the amount the cursed shackle could withstand.” - okay.... okay... the love you give will set you free... okay....
“With Jun Wu in his grip, he carried both their bodies and forcefully slammed into the incomparably-solid rock wall! He used all of his power in this smash, and in the rumbling and crashing of rocks, he also heard the sound of something breaking.” [...] “A moment later, Jun Wu suddenly asked, “That move. What is it called?” “...” Xie Lian raised his sleeve and wiped away the blood on the side of his face. “Shattering boulders on the chest.” YES!!!!! YES!!!!! xie lian actually lived that life!!!!!! i loved this detail so much
“After a moment of silence, Xie Lian took off the bamboo hat carried on his back, took it in his hand, and covered it over Jun Wu’s face.” - xie lian... good... another detail i love. a hat that protects from the rain, given in a moment of need, even to someone who has caused you hardship... we do not forget the kindness granted to us
“There was gratefulness, there was shame, there was heartache, there was wild joy, but above all else, there was incurable love.” - :pleading: i wish it was just that easy tbh. “i have to tell you about the worst parts of myself” “ive already seen them and i dont care i still love you“ truly the dream
“ It’s been so long since anyone listened to me talk, won’t you stay? Don’t...actually do this. I won’t be able to take it. Twice, it’s been twice already! I really don’t want there to be a third time!!!” - the bit about just wanting someone to listen to him talk... xie lian... :(
emily corpse bride moment.... i knew it had to happen.... butterflies.... death and rebirth.... inevitable
xianle trio bickering about ruoye..... mu qing complaining but not letting anyone else fix it... im so happy
“The Rain Master sat down on the spot, looking like she was going to perform a passing service for her. After all, Xuan Ji was the only one left of the Kingdom of Yushi besides herself.”  - xuan ji you sure the hell were... a character. this little moment tho..... yushi huang... many thoughts
“ Who hasn’t made promises, or swore to the mountains and the seas when they were young? Talking of affection, of love, of forevers. But, the longer I hang around in the world, the more I understand, something like ‘forever’ is impossible. It’s never going to be possible. Having it once was already good enough. No one can truly achieve it. I don’t believe in it anymore.” - jian lan im happy for you bummer it didnt work out with feng xin but yeah that was looooong ago. also this quote me same mood kin but its chill. having it once was already good enough
although yeah tbh if theres anyone who can have a forever like that... it would be a ghost and a god
fasdfjadklfj GOD... pour one out for ling wen.. but is that not the truth of this world? the one can be pardoned for being good at paperwork that no one else wants to do? isnt that the plot of the shawshank redemption?
okay but the fact that all xie lian’s friends come to visit him while he waits for hua cheng is making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.... fengqing coming together to try to get him out of the house but get scared off by his cooking... amazing
“Last time, they spent eight hundred years running towards each other. This time, it only took an instant to fall into each other’s embrace.” - im completely unaffected by this. im not lying i swear (i am lying im very emotionally affected)
okay i love this final wrap up chapter party its so fun. mu qing moving on from the broom thing!!! good for him!! the beggars get their reward!!! the fun ghost city chefs!! SQX!!!! and he xuan is?? here too??? he’s hungry??? fjadlkfjsdl
“The grounds that Feng Xin and Mu Qing had just swept were once again filthy from that giant crowd of muddy feet. Mu Qing gripped his broom, looking like he felt someone had infected him with fleas, and his eyes were wide.” - me when my dad comes into the kitchen when ive just finished washing dishes i get it king
the little folklore bit... fun!!! oh my god its over..... :(
that was really fun i had a blast reading it and on the whole really liked it i WISH soo badly that hua cheng had gotten more outside of being cunty and devoted even tho those are both important i just wish there was more about like how he got by during those 800 years and like did he ever have doubts? what shaped his worldview was it all xie lian or was it his experience as a mortal as well? why is he so mean to e’ming? theres bits and pieces here and there and i know it was already SO long but that really would have been great if there was more about hc cuz tbh by the end, at least for me, the hualian relationship didnt actually feel as fleshed out as the xianle trio relationship like i still liked hualian’s dynamic and it was really sweet how much they clearly really liked each other and  everything but i kind of wish some of the other subplots had been dropped or diminished in favor of more hc development i think that would have been cool
but anyway thats some of my thoughts and i really did enjoy the hell out of book 5 that was a riot and uhhh thanks to everyone who read these or commented *lends you spiritual energy through a high five*
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voidselfshipp · 4 years
Text
♡|The Shadow Under The Sun|♡
[OKAY TO RB PLZ RB WITH NICE THINGS!!]
A woman Walked down a corridor with some paperwork in hand, her pace is quick and she starts to take deepbreaths, her boots Clack when they meet the floor.
--Jerico!--juno said as the woman entered the medical bay--you brought the Papers I asked
--yep!--she said fixing her green turtle neck--oh and one more thing...the alpha team and I are taking the day off
--sure--the medic says, Sitting on their desk--but you Will have to guide the New operator coming in tomorrow
Jeri sighs-- why am I always the one that gets chosen to show the Newbies around?
--Well..agent naga and agent rascal have Zero to no charisma,agent godcell doesnt know the layout of the base and agent wonderland
--He Will flirt with the male rookies hes done that since we were kids--jer followed--Do you know if seargeant von terra has called?
--Im afraid not jer...im sorry
The woman sighs holding her necklace --I hate when he does that....
They Keep in silence for two seconds--inform Him that he needs to call me when he has some spare time ,okay?
Juno nodds--Count on it
Jerico walks out the medic bay.
--No luck eh?
--Sadly
A crow sits on her shoulder and she feeds them a sunflower seed cookie
--Look scale...its gonna be alright, ya old Man is tough...besides I heard the Newbie is a Real catch , trust me
She snorts--Sure--they start to walk to the cafeteria,--now youre gonna tell me you have a photo of him, dont you?
The crow Snickers and pulls a folded paper out of their wing--His name is Samuel Leo fisher....his codename? Zero...hes around 63
jer unfolds the photo and gasps softly-- he is very handsome...., Man my 16 Year self would love him....
--And your present self too
--Shut the fuck up before I Cook you
-- you dont have the balls to!
--Youre right cause I have ovaries
they enter the cafeteria, amani is there behind the counter,the old black woman smiles-- What y'all arguing about?
--The newbie is her type and she doesnt want to accept it ?
--Old guy with troubled past?
--Ye
--Well--amani says--im on the side of the chicken here
--see?-- HEY!
--amani give the damn food already
--You two are gonna end up togheter!youll see jer!
--aMANI!
Jerico sits to eat her lunch in silence,enjoying the quiet muttering of the cafeteria.
--Ill have to prepare the whole tour...fuck....--she munches on her food with a heavy expression.
She cant get a day off can she?
Now shes there filing some paperwork and fixing a schedule.
"And I have to wake up early too?!, oh my Elena..." she thinks closing her diary.
The woman lays on her bed as a black cat rests ontop of her chest purring.
--you were right--the cat perks up-- he is my type...bit I dont want to hear a Word of it
The cat mewls and lays their head down.
The afternoon sun comes in from the tiny Window in the room.
The Next day arrives, and jer very grumpily gets up from bed and takes a hot shower.
"Who told me that waking up two hours before the arrival was a good idea?"
She quickly changes Into her normal uniform, with that green turtleneck under it , she holds the necklace tight.
The heavy boots met the floor with a thud, a Man gets out of the convoy, with hefty steps he approaches the woman.
His breath hitches as his eyes meets her own, behind those big round glasses hid these bright green emeralds, who looked up to him with a polite smile.
--Morning Mr Fisher --her soft voice said--how did you found the trip here? If youre too tired we can pospone the tour for some hours
The Man , who for once tripped on his own words said--n no, I just need to leave my bags in my room and ill be good to go
--no need to, Sir, your baggage Will be taken to your New headquarters soon
He nodds and walks with jerico into the base.
Its gonna be a long day
The base felt huge to sam, but his mind was in another place.
Jer was explaining the same thing for the fifth time, her tone is still gentle.
--Uh mr fisher?,you okay?, do you need to lay down?--her hand presses to his arm, squeezing it.
His cheeks run red-- no no im fine...
A concerned expression plasters on her face, his hand removes her squeezing it-- im fine...lets continue
Her cheeks turn Pink, but her smile remains.
The tour ends an hour later.
--Heres your room mr fisher,If you need anything my room is 419,go there anytime youre unsure of something
Sam Leans in the doorsill, and bites his Lower lip--Will you be free later?
Jer perks up-- yeah, why?
--would you be up to eat lunch with me?
Shes taken back but nodds--Of course!, hey uh I need to go now, but ill see you at 12:30 ?
He nodds-- yeah, ill see you then.....?
--Jerico, jerico Von Terra
--Ill see you then jerico
They say goodbye and they go their separate ways, Sam was trying to calm down, unpacking his stuff.
What was wrong with him?.
He doesnt loose his cool like that ...well never!.
He sits and hides his face in his hands,she was really pretty.
She did not lose her cool when he failed to concentrate on what she was saying five times already, but her face was absolutely beautiful.
The hour of their meeting arrived quickly, and now sam was fixing his hair for the seventh time in a row.
Then he sees hes running late and bolts out of the room.
Jerico is sitting at the cafeteria...shes thinking of leaving when the Man bursts through the door, their eyes meet and jer chuckles at the loose strands of hair that fell out infront of his face.
--There you are!
--Sorry I was busy
--its okay, oh you have --her hand brushes a strand of hair out of his face--there
His cheeks flush crimson red and looks away.
--Hungry?
--Yeah, the trip left me starving
While they eat lunch they Keep silent as sam doesnt know how to go about this so he sighs.
--So...how long have you been working here
Jer smiles --Well....a long time, I started my training when I was very young...I have my own squadron, and all, I know youve been in the bussines for a long time
--Yes ive been
--Id love to train with you someday...if you have any tips so I can get better, if you dont mind
--not at all, im more than happy to help
The rest of the lunch are kept in small talk with not much detail.
Jerico scorts Sam back to his room as he seemed very lost.
--i have to do some thing still but swing by the workshop,or my room.
--ill Keep it in mind, and uh jerico?
--hmmm?
--i had fun eating lunch with you today....ill see you later
She nodds and smiles--Ill see you soon too
Jer leaves and he closes the door, he sits on his bed.
Today was one hell of a day...and it hasnt even finished.
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nico-idc · 3 years
Text
random vent because i'm numb rn and feel like it
This is a vent post, ill probably talk about su!cide, self h*rm, eating disorders and depression. I’ll also cuss a lot, and things will not be censored. Also, this may seem insensitive to people experiencing any of this, sorry about that.  Dont read this if youre triggered by that.
Also, this is my experience with mental health. Everyone deals with it differently. 
So, If anyone doesnt know, I have depression and anxiety. And right now, I’m feeling numb as it’s often described by people with depression. But, numb isn’t a very good description. I can still feel. I’ll still smile if you tell me a joke, or if something funny is on a video. I’ll still cry if there’s something super sad. Emotion is just watered down. I feel it, but not as much as I should. Me and my boyfriend were talking, and i couldnt tell him I loved him. It’s not becuase I dont love him, but I just cant feel much of anything, so I dont want to tell him I loved him. Becuase If i did that, I felt as though I was lying. The funniest thing is, I randomly started crying. Still felt nothing, but hey, I had tears streaming down my face. Who fucking knows why. 
I havent been doing to great for a while now, but this is the worst i’ve ever gotten. Ive never felt numb before. I mean, I’ve felt myself starting to go through the motions, but i’ve never gone completely numb before. And before this i’ve had a few mental breakdowns. Hell, I’ve sat in a corner twice in the past month or so doing nothing but sobbing and begging myself not to move so I dont grab something sharp and cut myself. (I did not relapse, don’t worry). and recently I completely broke down over simply eating a cereal bar, got through it, ate it. I’m good now. 
Figures. That does seem to be my experience. Oh no, big bad issue one time, then magically I just talk myself out of my bullshit, and im fixed. Ha ha, yet I act like I have all these issues. I mean, I didnt even attempt to starve myself, just thought “oh, friends and family wont let me” and didnt. Had a breakdown about a year later, been fine since. Cut for a few months, went to therapy for a few months, stopped cutting. had a few breakdowns about a year or two later, then was fine. was suicidal for a while, went to therapy for a bit, was happy for months. Had breakdowns every now and then, fine now.
ha ha, first time I say alot of this is online. Figures. I’ve done that a lot too. My boyfriend has found out a bit about my depression through this site. Becuase I cant talk to my boyfriend about my shit, but hey random people on the internet! hear about my problems.
So on another note, I recently found a song that describes part of depression pretty well. It’s called “i’m not dead” by boyinaband. it’s linked below, I’ll copy paste the lyrics, and explain how I relate, and what the lyrics mean to me, becuase why not? (lyrics will be in bold)
undefined
youtube
I'm not dead
I'm not fixed, but I'm not giving up yet
Basically, this means that im still here, im still depressed, but I’m still trying to fight depression. 
I'm sick of saying that I still don't have anything done
I hate telling friends I'm trying something just to give it up
I never commit to anything, I just say I’ll do something, then decide I dont want to.
I'm still unsure of my emotional state
I'm still incapable of focusing lately
I don't feel like creating
I'm tired of asking Google how to find motivation
I’ve been on break from writing for months now. tried to get back to it, lost concentration. I think this is self explanatory. 
I don't think I've ever made
Something that's as good as I'm capable of
Ha, I dont put in enough effort and commitment to make something as good as possible.
I hate not having a reason to look my best
I only ever take care of myself with the intent to show the internet
I mean, I dont try to show the internet, but I only take care of myself when other people will see me.
If what made me successful was an imposed sense of stress then
I am so so glad that I hated myself
The only thing that makes me do things is extreme stress.
I didn't luck into this position
I struggle with decisions
I mean, im not in any high position, but I do struggle with decisions. 
I wouldn't be my own friend
I'm too inconsistent
I’m inconsistent as hell. I’m in like 10 group chats, don't talk in any of them for months, then just show up like “hi, havent talked to you all in ages, but hi”. 
Without immense pressure nothing ever gets finished
If these words make it to your ears it'll be a fucking miracle.
Yep. I went on  whole rant about this on wattpad. Without pressure to do something, I don’t do it.
I'm fortunate to know more good people than most do
I wish I had more friends I could be physically close to
I dont personally have a lot of friends that dont live in my city, so the last line isnt an issue, but I do know a lot of good people”
I'm pretty good at like 20 different skill sets
At the expense of never being great at any one of them
I’m good at quite a few things. Drawing, math, even writing. But im not great at it. I’m average.
I wish this beat hit harder
I wish more syllables rhymed
I know 99 percent of people really don't mind
I dont personally relate to this, seeing as I dont make music.
I think collaborating forced me to finish things
'Cause I was terrified of wasting famous people's time
Oh yeah. Group projects would not get done if i wasnt scared of wasting my partner’s time.
I wish I could focus on what I define priority
I wish I was as grateful as I want to be
Dont really relate to these things
I wish I knew more people who were mentally stable
But if I did,
I wouldn't let them waste their time on me while I'm disabled
Oh yeah. Id love to have a friend who isnt depressed, but I wouldnt let them see that im fucked up becuase i dont wanna drag them down.
I feel alone
I know I'm not
I have a lot of friends, but I still fell alone in this world
I used to talk to lots of people.
Lately I've stopped
They didn't deserve it,
I've been a terrible friend.
But I couldn't bear to let myself become boring to them
I ignore group chats all the time. no reason. Probably shouldnt. 
I don't let myself get my hopes up.
I love people who do.
Something good happens? what could go wrong? that is my thought precess.
I never know if what I say I feel is the truth
I have no damn Idea what I think, so its so hard to know what the truth in my head is.
I wish I didn't instinctively try to be less specific
So more people could relate, when they read along with the lyrics.
Not lyrics, but if i write/explain something, I immediately generalize things so its relateable.
I can be happy in the moment
I am not when I reflect
I smile watching youtube, but then I look back and think about how I wasted time.
I distract myself with gaming, waiting to get better
I hate it
Youtube will cure depression right? /s
I wanna do the most good, and prevent the most hurt
But I've gotta put on my own oxygen mask first
This is just an important phrase I try to remember when I’m down. for people who dont do well with metaphors, he’s saying that if you want to help people, you need to help yourself first. 
I can't predict what I'll do.
I can never be sure
I am terrified of making promises any more
I can't face my work,
I feel sick from the word
I genuinely believe I'm capable of changing the world
Don’t relate much here, except for the more positive, upbeat tone the song takes on, and i feel that this part, the part above and everything below is dave fighting his depression.
I still think I can get better
I’m holding onto hope.
I still think I can create and get pleasure from it
I hope so, I want my art and writing to improve.
I'll keep aiming to make my emotion and my logic agree
The eternal stuggle. I always try to get the two to line up, it rarely works. I try to use logic more often though.
And become the best version of me
Always trying to improve myself.
I don't want to stop!
I don't want to stop!
I don't want to stop!
I don't want to stop!
There’s alot this could mean. I dont want to stop creating. I dont want to stop fighting. I dont want to stop getting better. I dont want to stop living. I relate to all these things.
I’ll expand on this more later, it’s too late now for me to continue this
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