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#if im making something im spending less time with them
seramilla · 1 day
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carmilla introducing vaggie to her girls. misscarriage
Carmilla: girls, theres someone i want you to meet
Clara: moma, we already know vaggie
Carmilla: si, but im introducing her as your sister
clara passed money over to odette: told you itd take less than a year for her to adopt her
carmilla: not quite adoption, remember when we died i was pregnant?
Odette and Clara return to the compound later that evening, filthy and covered in grime from a full day of excavating angelic weapons. They can't believe the sheer number left behind this time. Thanks to Charlie and the others at the hotel, there were more angelic bodies than Sinners; carrying not only weapons, but covered in armor. The sisters are tired but excited to get back to work the next day, to dig into the secrets their discoveries may uncover, and see what they can create from them.
After cleaning up, they notice the building is surprisingly quiet. Carmilla said she had work to do, and would wait up for them. The dark expanse of the warehouse is eerie, and their footsteps echo as they make their way to Carmilla's makeshift apartment on the second floor. They can see from the lights in the doorway that she's still awake; or at least still there, so they can tell her what they'd found. Upon opening the door, however, the two quickly realize their mother isn't alone. It's that girl...Charlie's partner. Vaggie. Sitting at their mother's side, Carmilla's hand on her knee, talking like they've known each other for years.
Carmilla is...smiling. And so is Vaggie. Odette and Clara stop in the doorway, staring at the two, puzzled, until they are noticed. Carmilla and Vaggie immediately stop talking when they see their visitors; Vaggie even shifts away a little, embarrassed. Carmilla stands abruptly, rubbing the back of her head with her claws awkwardly, but ultimately gesturing toward her daughters to come in.
"Girls," Carmilla says, a little catch in her voice. "Welcome back. You've met Vaggie, haven't you?"
"Yeah," Clara says, as she and Odette enter and shut the door behind them. "We met when we delivered that custom order to the snake man at the hotel. How's the weapon working, by the way?"
"Umm..." Vaggie flinches a little when Clara brings up Sir Pentious. She has such a look of profound sadness on her face at the mention of him, like she wants to cry. There's such a drastic change in the angel's demeanor, Odette awkwardly clears her throat and tries to change the subject.
"You're that angel that's dating Charlie, right? How are you feeling? Are you recovering okay? You had such a nasty scrape with the Exterminators."
"Oh! Yes," Vaggie says, seemingly surprised Odette would ask how she’s doing. “I’m doing a lot better, thank you. Charlie’s been taking care of me. And, uh...Carm--your mom, too.”
Vaggie’s voice is so much smaller and softer than either Odette or Clara remember. She’d been so full of energy and authority at the hotel; directing all the residents and keeping them out of trouble. It’s surprising this is the same woman in front of them now, acting all meek and mild in front of their mother. Hadn't she challenged her just several days prior? What happened since then?
"You've sure been spending a lot of time with Mama lately," Clara says, putting voice to the obvious. It's not so much an accusation, as an observation. There's no suspicion or malice in Clara's voice, just a lilt of a...question? Odette's thinking the same thing, if she's honest. Carmilla's been spending a lot of time with the angel. She doesn't mind, but...she also can't escape the feeling that something else is going on. Something she's not being told.
"Did you adopt her or something, Mom?" Odette asks, chuckling, trying to lower the tension building in the room. "She's strong. We could always use an extra hand around here."
The silence that permeates the space at her comment shocks Odette to her very core. Suddenly, both Vaggie's and her mother's eyes spike open, like Odette just mentioned someone had died. The change in their demeanor is palpable. Vaggie turns away, as if she's unable to look at the sisters anymore. Carmilla stutters again, trying to find her voice. She's been doing that a lot lately, where Vaggie is concerned. Carmilla can't seem to find the words to explain, and Odette and Clara don't know the right questions to get answers out of her.
"What? What did I say?" Odette looks at her mother, concerned. Carmilla looks like she's about to cry.
"It's not like that, mija," Carmilla says, unconvincingly. Oh shit, Odette notices, she is crying. "Umm, girls...come sit with me for a minute. Please? I need to tell you something."
They do. Vaggie moves out of the way so Odette and Clara can sit on the futon next to their mother. Carmilla reaches for the angel, too, trying to draw her in, but Vaggie just turns away, her back to the rest of them. She looks so small again, like she's curling in on herself. Carmilla looks like she wants to say something, but thinks better of it, and draws her attention back to the other girls.
"Clara. Odette. I'm going to say something, and I need you to...to keep an open mind. Can you do that for me?"
"Of course, Mom," Odette says, getting concerned at this line of questioning. "What's wrong? You know you can tell us anything, right?"
"Yeah! Whatever it is, we can take it. We're worried about you." Clara chimes in. As if her mother would ever doubt their resolve. Carmilla should know them better than that by now.
Carmilla pauses, for an unusually long time. Odette sees her trying to find the right words to say. Carmilla's hand then lowers, and she's...she's rubbing her midsection, over her pubic bone. Over her belly, like when she was...
Carmilla sighs, choking up again, but decides to just go for it anyway.
"All those years ago, when...when we died? Do you remember that I was...that I was with, aahhh...what state I was in?"
"You were pregnant, Mom," Odette says, squeezing her mother's hand, choking up at the memory. Carmilla had just found out, not even a few weeks prior. They hadn't even had time to celebrate. Her baby shower had been months away, and then their lives had been taken from them, snatched away like a thief in the night. "Of course we remember. You can say it. How could we forget?"
"Do you remember when we finally woke up, and how long it took for me to remember how we were killed? Clara, do you remember what you asked me?"
"I asked you what happened to the baby, and you said you didn't know. That it was just gone... Wait, Mama, hey! Are you okay? What's the matter?"
Carmilla catches them both off guard. She is actually sobbing now, out of nowhere. Face in her claws, digging them into into her forehead, and leaving red welts on the skin there. Her body shakes, wracked with grief, as if she's finally letting it all out, like she's been holding it together. For them. She probably has.
"I..." Carmilla starts, tears streaming between her fingers. "I can't! I'm sorry--I can't!"
Carmilla starts breathing rapidly, in-between sobs, like she's hyperventilating. Odette can't remember the last time she's seen her mother this way. Not since...
She and Clara are on their feet in an instant, about to wrap their mother up in their arms, and console her. Hug her, hold her, or...something. Anything, to get her to calm down and tell them what's going on.
They would have, anyway, except suddenly, Vaggie is there, already doing it for them.
"Carmilla, hey!" Vaggie says, squeezing Carmilla's shoulders from behind, much more level-headed and put together than the moment prior. She almost looks like she's back to her normal self. Brave...or at least she's trying to be. "Carmilla! Carmilla, stop! It's okay. You don't have to do this."
"I do!" Carmilla shouts, turning her head to look at Vaggie. The angel is surprised -- the matriarch's eyes are glowing. But around the edges, they've softened, and there's so much blue mixed in with the red.
Odette notices, too. Carmilla's eyes haven't been that way since...well, since they were alive. Like...like the human part of her is trying to fight to the surface. Resurrected by memories; ones she's being forced to recall, that she might rather have forgotten, to spare herself the pain.
"I have to tell them, Vaggie. They need to understand."
"Understand what, Mom?" Odette asks. She knows she shouldn't keep asking this. It's stupid. It's obviously hurting her mother. Odette's probably pushing a line here, that shouldn't be crossed, and she knows it. But her curiosity is killing her, all over again, and she just can't help herself. She needs to know what's wrong, so she and Clara can fix it.
Vaggie surprises her again.
"Let me do it, then," Vaggie says, forcefully, insisting, trying to get Carmilla to see reason. "You've been so strong for me. You've helped me so much. Let me do this for you."
"Vaggie, you don't have to...please, just give me a moment. I can--"
"No. This is hurting you. I want to help." Then, without hesitation, the angel looks at Odette and Clara, straight in the eye. Odette sees pain there, too; so much pain, and loss, but Vaggie pushes past it, and tells them, point-black, "It's me! Carmilla lost her baby, and it was me! All the Exorcists! We're lost children! We all died before we were born! They did tests on your blood when I was in the hospital, and you're all a match! Carmilla is my mother. You're my sisters! I know this may be hard to believe, and I'm sorry you had to find out this way, but you have to--!"
Vaggie doesn't get a chance to finish her tirade. Suddenly, a body collides into her front, wrapping its arms around her snuggly, in an almost too-tight bear hug. The angel stumbles on her feet, and may have toppled onto the floor, if the other person hadn't caught her.
That's when Vaggie notices the other person who has her is Clara, her arms grasped around her middle, with her face buried in the fallen angel's neck.
"I knew it!" Clara proclaims into Vaggie's skin, letting go of the smaller woman just enough to look back at Odette, sitting on the futon with their mother in a shocked stupor. Carmilla is looking at them, too. "I fucking told you, Odette! I fucking told you!"
Odette stands, and then immediately collapses to her knees. Despite her addled brain, despite her racing mind, and despite the absolute lack of belief she's experiencing in that moment, she still has enough of her wits about her to say, "Shit...sis, you were right."
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Let's Play Pretend
A/N: Karlach really wanted to make her thoughts known and this was the result. Full length on AO3 and as always happy reading
A/N2: If you ever wanna see specific scenarios feel free to poke my inbox :) im enjoying seeing where this goes
Let's Play Pretend
Gale tugged at the sleeve of his robe once more. He used to enjoy going to parties, granted it was often because he was performing feats of magic most people could only dream of doing. But the conversation was also stimulating. 
He wasn't meant to rub elbows with Lords and Ladies. Or rather, he didn't want to. And he was really only there because-
“Gale!” 
Gale let out a soft oof and chuckled as he was enveloped in Karlach’s arms. He hugged her back. She smelled less of sulfur and the hells this time around. More like oranges and sandalwood. It’s warm, but not a burning type that might sear his skin if he’s not careful. It’s comfortable. 
Familial. 
She was happy as they let go of each other. And he admired her choice of attire. Simple, elegant and entirely her. Her dress, Gale notes, is in the Ravengard house colors. Form fitting, sleeveless but with thin straps over her shoulders and a slit up the left side to show off her toned legs. 
“Do you like it?” She does a small twist this way and that. “It was the least god-awful thing I could get them to make me. No movement in anything else ya know? What happens if we have to go into battle?”
“And what would we be fighting?” Gale asked. 
“These stuffed up tarts,” she answered. “Minus Wyll and his father.” 
“If I’d known we’d be doing that, I would have brought my quarterstaff,” Gale joked. She smiled and leaned against the wall next to him with her arms crossed over her chest.
“How ya been Gale? Feels like ages since we’ve seen each other,” she nudged his shoulder. 
“Just about a year I think,” he nodded and sipped his wine. “How have you been?” 
“Oh you know, fighting imps, killing demons…found a forge master fixed my engine right up,” she grinned and tapped her chest. “Part of the reason we're here. Wyll’s been a real friend, keeping up with me in Avernus and first thing I told him once my engine got fixed and could survive out here, we'll take a break so he can spend time with his dad.”
They both looked over and saw Wyll talking with his father. Both Ravengard’s enjoying each other's company. 
“I ain't complaining about the break either. Even got my own little private villa,” Karlach grinned. “And his dad really knows his cigars.” 
Gale smiled. “I'm glad. You deserve it Karlach. You both do.”
“So where's Fangs?” She asked. “Figured he'd be all up for a chance to rub elbows with all these stiffs.”
“He had some business to take care of. We agreed to meet here,” Gale answered. He drank more wine and scanned the room for one of the servers with another tray of glasses. 
“And things are good with you two?” She asked. 
He doesn’t miss the inquiring tone of her voice, borderline skeptical. 
“Of course, why wouldn't they be?” He asked. 
“Just, two of you, kinda sudden ya know? We all go our separate ways then Withers gets us all together and you and Astarion are living together, engaged. I mean fucking hell, am I gonna come back after another year to find out you two adopted or something?” 
Gale snorts into his wine and coughs. He quickly sets the glass on the table to keep from spilling the remainder all over himself and a few people are looking their way. Karlach usher’s him outside to one of the emptier balconies patting his back. 
She’s joking. He knows she’s joking but god’s does that still make him squirm. Marriage, even one of willing convenience is one thing. But a child? He wouldn’t even subject Tara to this kind of life let alone a child. 
She winced and checked over her shoulder to make sure they weren’t being watched by prying eyes. 
“Sorry, sorry,” she apologized. “Bad joke?” 
He coughed and took the napkin she offered to wipe his mouth, and let out a potentially strangled laugh. “Just a bit Karlach.” He patted her shoulder. “And...it just sort of happened.” He wanted his wine. 
“Alright well, how?” She asked. 
“What do you mean?” He frowned. 
“You say it just sort of happened, but you've never actually answered the question. Even then, ‘oh ya know, just one of those whirlwind things’,” she tried to imitate his voice. “‘You know Astarion, he’s never one to do things half-assed.’ ‘Just swept me off my feet…’”
“My voice is not that high,” he crossed his arms over his chest and caught the engagement ring in question on his finger. 
Gold band with ruby center. Diamond’s set on either side. It’d been enchanted, so the only way it was coming off was if Astarion wanted it off or Gale cut off his own finger. He just didn’t have the nerve. 
“It kinda is,” she replied. 
He ran a hand through his hair. “There isn’t much to tell Karlach. It really sort of just…happened. I was surprised as you were but, when he looked at, when he asked me, when he…when he told me, I suppose I got caught up in it all. Isn’t that what they say love is supposed to feel like? Like your hearts caught in a vice?”
“Are you asking me or telling me?” Karlach put her hand on his shoulder. 
“There you are!” 
They parted as if burned. Astarion stood in the open doorway with his hands on his hips. Red eyes flitting between Karlach and Gale. Her hand still hovered in the air from where it’d been on Gale’s shoulder.
Continue
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snailune · 24 days
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wiki how do I stop spiraling about my life once every 2 weeks I'm getting sick of it
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guinevereslancelot · 8 months
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my supervisor felt the psychic vibes of me searching for other jobs on my lunch break so he pulled me aside for a meeting about how i'm not good enough at my job <3
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trashpremiium · 9 months
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i wish i knew how to keep friends :( making friends is… hard, but doable. if i have a reason to be near someone and they’re amenable to my Autism Beam of infodumping, i can usually make them tolerate being around me for as long as that activity lasts.
but semesters end. mutual interests fade. activities wrap up. and then those people leave. not to say i’m not thankful for however long their friendship lasted, i just wish people were more likely to want to be friends because they liked me, not because i was a body near them to spend time with.
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madhushala · 1 month
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🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯
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minglana · 1 month
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so crazy seeing my cousins post aesthetic pics of my village street. maam thats a rundown house with the roof caved in next to the ugliest house in the village
#and the street pavement is green bc no one cleans it so its full of like algae or whatever the fuck#bc of the winter humidity (and fog). like thats ugly as hell😭#thr comparison between my cousins and i is crazy in regards to how we approach the village#all my other cousins post or have posted aesthetic pics of random streets or like. roads#bc i think to them its just another village. like yeah their grandma/grandpa is from there#but i think that just spending the holidays here (instead of like. staying 3+ months in the summer and normal weekends)#has made them treat the village as just another place. idk what even im trying to say but#it just feels kinda disgenuine when they aesthetize (?) the village like that#like for example my friend who has LIVED in the village her entire life doesnt post stuff like that#she posts stuff from her house or something. but not of like random streets yknow. and if she posts something from the street#its bc something else is the focus. and shes not just using it as a pretty backdrop or whatever#ok that last tag is what i was trying to get at i just didnt know how to word it#and yeah i think the more time youve lived or spent in the village the less you make it into a pretty backdrop#ive even seen my (other) cousins mom do this. and yeah shes older but also the house they have is just a vacation house#in comparison to for example my family. where our house has always been lived in (so far) so i think it just felt...#(it=going to the village) less like a 'getaway' and more as just like. changing living locations for x time yknow#idk idk. maybe its just my weird perception of my village and the weird attatchment i have to it#but yeah#z xarre
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autistic-shaiapouf · 4 months
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Okay okay so. Thinking.
I've mapped out how I want to pay off my credit cards, which means I'll only be getting new stuff pretty sporadically, which means I need to appreciate the zero cost things in my life, like:
- the 2.5 foot tall stack of unread books I have
- the violin I might finally actually pick up again
- the 500+ drawing prompts I've been hoarding
- the list of anime I still need to watch
- the 3000+ songs in my watch later playlist
- the stickers I've been neglecting to cut
- yarn??? I have a lot of yarn
- all the pink fabric leftover from moth cosplay
- the candles and incense I also already have
In short, time to actually use the stuff that I have 😭
#though. i do want one more candle. they're putting minty smells in the winter ones and it smells cold#i need a cold smelling candle that is warm and on fire i just need that very strange contrast#but yeah!! will spend a little testing out acrylic charms but for the most part#we're gonna hang out at home for a while and express gratitude or whatever lmao#okay but i think it will actually be nice to start getting through all those books skjfkdkd#and to watch the bigger name anime to actually see them lmao; saw a lot at the con i recognized but hadn't actually watched#and also my music!! all my music bc i am clinically insane about music; miku playlist advancement...#this isn't even touching on the games i have now ksjfkf if either of you are reading this 👀 i still wanna get yall something#and I'm planning the exact day i wanna do it 😤#but yeah I'm thinking it over and am like. oh boy time for self improvement skjdkfkf#also finances will get easier bc im not ubering all over and I'm not seeing docs for my stomach now that the ulcer has been resolved#i made back half of what i spent getting the car in only 4 months and that feels good to see#it's still gonna be some hard work but we're gonna make it; I'm also highballing one of the cards#the hotel put a damages hold on my card and my math factors that in; they said that money would go back to me in 5 or so#business days so that'll be a little less to be concerned with; I'll still try to pay what numbers i found though#do it faster and do it better and idk what the fuck I'll do with the cards bc. 30% apr...........#idk i could get groceries with them and then pay them off? take that credit score you'll just eat that shit up won't you..#surprisingly my credit score hasn't taken any super ugly hits from this and i aim to keep it that way lmao#anyways. that's a lot of words to say that i want to actually use my stuff lmao#shai speaks
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dullahandyke · 11 months
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coming to the realisation that i can buy whatever i want to look however i want. insane
#but my cd bags havent come yet n i cant buy another thing until they come in the post bcos i prommied myself#n after that i need to get new over-ear headphones#also update the reward points system for making me do things is Not Working so i might ditch it#but also i. dont have a job. so i gotta ration my money. n if i wing it i feel like ill fuck it up#but also like. sigh ok so the plan was that for every task i do i get a euro of spending money. to motivate me to do tasks so i can buy thi#but ive racked up a debt already. oops! so theoretically i need to work that off before i can start saving for someghing new to buy#the thing is tho that my headphones broke n i have earbuds but i NEEEED to have on-ear headphones or ill explode#n im thinking of biting the bullet and buying some proper nice ones#but thats spencey itd take so long to save up for those#n i could theoretically add that to my debt n buy them now but that would render the debt functionally meaningless#bcos if i gotta do 100+ tasks to work off the debt to START saving for shit like a binder#then we're gonna have a problem#this could be mitigated by me getting less expensive headphones n stuff but like w a warranty so that when they inevitably break#i dont gotta vimes boots it and instead i can just get the same headphones again#but thats a lot of electrical waste :(#sigh i COULD ask my mom to get me the nicey headphones as a pre-emptive leaving cert thing#but id say shed rather get me something AFTER the leaving which is like. 20 days. n can i survive that long without overear headphones?#tbh probably. but also my perception is skewed bcos im currently in If I Have Headphones On I Will DIE mode#so shrug ill have to think it thru some other time#aughghghghgh!!!!!1 what if i killed and bit#<- still hasnt started studying for the leaving. at this point i dont think its gonna happen
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mainfaggot · 4 months
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hyper bc I had a latte and gay club music playing so I cleaned the kitchen and living room in a record time of 42 minutes
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sunxstreaker · 1 year
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Why am i still drawing
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magnoliamyrrh · 2 years
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.
#i cant help but think that were making a mistake in planning to do social/ppl work. in doing anthropology in the first place#ive never been good with people#i dont know if i ever will be#nor am i particularly fond of being surrounded by people constantly and infact i quite value my silence#... i can never seem to quite get the hang of interactions. of how to talk of how to move of how to speak#and while i have spend years pretend i do. it has only left me tired#... what am i to do exactly if this is what we go into? what happens if almost inevitabley it is me and not somebody else on a day when we#must deal with people - be it attempting to help or large groups of them or whatever it may be#.... i feel like im being signed up for a life of exhaustion if we do this. i am too quiet. i am too much of a solitary creature#.. what we should have done is gone to veternay school instead. which is what we wanted to do for some years anyway. still helping. less#people work though ...#. i could have done that so much more easily#...... it has taken me too many years of this life to stop hating humans all together. i can understand them. for survivals sake. but this#is all. i have yet to learn to trust them much nor have they given me much reason to nor do i see much benefit to doing so#i am tired. of the nonsencial cruelty. of all of it.#perhaps i do not wish to spend years trying to help beings which i barely trust#what happens if. as it happens at times. i end up being the one to front for days or weeks or months? it seems like a recipe for disaster#we truly should have just worked with animals instead that is something we can all easily do#. its too late now anyway#last year of college. there is no time or money or energy for another degree#my fate seems to be sealed and for months or perhaps years now ive been - i would say turning in my grave but i suppose im not yet dead -#over this.. and now it truly is past time#..... it was a mistake as well that we did not stick to horseback riding in highschool. no. instead we listened to people and parents and#family. do this do that you can do so much better et fucking cetera. those highschool years of academic insanity wrecked this body. wrecked#it. college was too much when we were so mentally and physically ill#.... life could have been different now#if we had stuck to it
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be-good-to-bugs · 14 days
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i need to go to bed but i dont wannnaaaaa
#the bin#i work at 7am and its 1:23 am i have GOT to go to bad but ugh. if i go to bed then that means ill have to go to work as sokn as im conscious#so the longer i stay up the more time i have. but km gonna be so tired at work. hhhhh.#i dont know why but ive felt so horrible today. super anxious. miserable and really sad#im trying to just deal with it. soon enough things are gonna change. its only 34 days till my planned moving date. i will only bave like 20#more shifts at this job. maybe less depending on what i get given. including tomorrows shift. and tomorrows shift is only 5 hours long#and the day after its only 4 hours and then i have 2 more days off. itll be ok. but i still feel so anxious and depressed and awful#i just wanna stay home and be high all the time. i feel so lonely always. literally the only thing that helps me not feel completely crushed#and paralyzed by how lonely i am is getting high. i know its not healthy to rely on getting high to feel better about stuff but idk what#else to do so who cares. when i dont do anything about it i i stead end up relapsing or worse so i think its an ok option#i hope i can meet nice people this year. year after year it doesnt happen but so much has changed!#it makes sense i havent met people since i moved out. and everything is so different from wwhen i last lived with them#all my siblings are in school. they have people over at the hair a fair bit afaik. my dad wont be there to me make feel awful. my sister#also wont be there to me me feel awful. i can figure something out. itll be ok. it has to be.#i just want to squeeze someone. i just want like. a hug. a good cuddle. and i need to talk to someone. its been so long since u had an actul#fun time hanging out with another person. i need to watch a movie with someone and joke around and. ugh.#how did my life reach this point? what happened that resulted in me spending ages 10-19 all alone. im not even 19 yet but i will be soon#and theres not a chance ill meet someone before then esp bc im moving. when i was little i didnt have mych friends but i had some#i had such high hopes for the future. i also thought the future would be terrible but i imagined id still have friends and peopwl to talk to#all ive wanted sincei was 10 is just to have people to talk to and hangout with. but i dont have a single friend. i can hardky name anyone#besides my family and coworkers. and like aa couple of my sisters friends. there isnt even like people i know who i dont really consider#friends but we talk sometimes. if i dont go to work. call my mom. or tex a sibling. i dont see or talk to anyone period#i guess unless i go to the store. that doenst really count tho.#i want to have a friends group. i want to have A friends. just like. a person. to interact with. what happened that made mw spend the past#8 years just not interacting with anyone? whats wrong with me.#its fine tho. becausebit will change. i acan heal from this and i can meet people. even if half my conscious life has been spent all alone#it will get better. it has to.
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sil3ntm0th · 4 months
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ahh the constant and neverending urge to make animatics despite knowing I do not have the drive for making them tbh (& unfortunately have even less for making them "look good" (as in not sketchy as heck and thus likely hard to look at I feel like))
#i also get burnt out quickly with animation unfortunately & have to be in the right mood for stuff like that#i have confirmed at least comic pages seem more comfortable for me in the long run (which yay! i was worried about that)#but there are some things that feel like theyd only work as an actual animatic and not just a comic page?#unsure unsure#on another note of something good though story work has been going well so far (at least now with a new angle on things since i had to-#-restart again but i still have the building blocks rather than starting from scratch!)#even if this has resulted in big “kill your darlings”-type blows .-.#well one of them could end up just as a separate au comic for funsies if it's not canon at least since the problem with it is-#-that it's too big actually & would either need to be cut up in a way that idk if itd be worth it or just. make it its own thing#well hopefully things go well this year#princus speaks#felt like talking into the void#oh - also while i do enjoy the editing process both audio & video i have no motivation in like... getting better#compared to the urge to get better at making comic pages#animatics just take too long in a different and less bearable way than comic pages despite me having been working on this 6 page redraw for-#-a good while now (early december) but theyre singular images that im willing to spend that time on rather than drawing again and again#even if i Do enjoy making animatics#ahh...#can only keep going#nonstop train of ambition in regards to art
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yusukenui · 9 months
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#ranting again sry#spoiled mfs when their parents stop giving them their weekly 200$ allowance at their grown age of 22: 🥺🥺 my parents are such assholes#some of you mfs make this empathy/sympathy bs a journey instead of a ride#not to sound like a parent meatrider but if youre old enough to be out buying insanely expensive clothes and eating n drinking at hangouts#every other day... and then you go home just to rinse ur dick n sleep and dont even have the courtesy to do chores....#youre lucky they even let you live with them still 🙁 sry. my black ass wouldve kicked you out ages ago 🙏🫡#like we're definitely on different tax brackets cause i cant even imagine complaining abt my parents taking me out to a family trip??#and much less going out of country?????#but then agreeing to entertain them for a while... yknow spend time with them? is too much for you??? like be grateful in some way at least#you ugly motherfucker wowwww WOWW#if youre old enough to have expensive hobbies and you refuse to help out in the house then youre old enough to get a fucking job and stop-#complaining abt your parents being 'mean' to you .. bitch ill show you mean#AHHHH tiktok was a mistake#white ppl on tiktok need to stfu abt their 'healing journeys' after cutting off their families cause its always some bs like this#why the fuck are you even getting an allowance if you cant even wash dishes my god. are you being paid fucking reparations for being born??#hate complaining to a mf that just immediately insults ur parents like... thats not something normal ppl do.. 💀#who told you calling my mom a bitch was okay lmfaooo like... im just complaining cause im drained.. what do you have to be mad abt?#me canceling plans a fucking week in advance??? and then what and then you just roll over and go back to sleep#like it never was that serious to begin with 😐... dont piss me off#when i say eat the rich... start with your buddies that god a brand new fucking car for college spontaneously#toodles 😜☺️#AHHHHHH
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mrfoox · 1 year
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My simple view on things sometimes is really a problem and I forget majority of people dont follow my logic....
#miranda talking shit#Best example is blood family/relatives. Imo.. If someone hurts you badly and makes you feel bad etc you dont owe then your#Love time and patience. However many don't... Think its that simple and i understand that though i cant relate.#Met many who thinks its bad im not talking with my dad and that i dont love/care for him etc but im like ??? He never did for me#Why should i put down precious energy and time on a person that haven't raised me or loved me? He should be glad i act civil for moms sake#I think of my friends as family more than my actual family. I trust my friends more than i would majority of my blood family#Only one id die for and do shit for is my mom bc she have always loved me and done her best both to raise and provide for me#Maybe I'll change my opinion as I grow or something but... For me its just ... Simple. I dont want to invest in people who make me feel bad#Or have hurt me. Only one i have started to forgive is my oldest brother but him and me have always had an less bad relationship so#Its easier to spend some time with him. Maybe people think im awful for this mindset and think its unlike me#Bc im generally a loving person who cherish people... But like. Not everyone is entitled to me and my time. I am not going to ruin myself#To try to get approval from people who have hurt me or just haven't tried to love me/know me. Not like i hate them#But i won't spend time to try to fix something that never have been whole to begin with i dont have that energy#Negative#???? Idk maybe#I think i get so mad with otherd people family who treat my friends bad. I understand i dont know that member#Like they do. Im sure theres many good memories involved too but i hear shit they have done and i want to end them#My mother's brother was acting like a bitch for almost a year if noy more and my mom was so ruined over it. I wanted to make him hurt so#Bad. But my mom is so family oriented she'd never want to leave anyone out whos family while i was like... Lol i lost what little respect i#Had for him now :) im the worst mix of extreme sides but also the most middle ground person idk how i function#With relationships and social things im usually like... Either i love you and I'd die for you or i dont really care (not that i hate you#But i dont have the time to use my energy on you so i dont engage) youre everything to me or you're just ... There#I'll talk with people i love intensely for a while then dont contact them for months. Not bc i hate them but bc im giving#Someone else i love attention and i am always so hyperfocused when i do it. The older i get the more i follow my vibe feeling#If someone feel like they take more energy than i can handle even if theg seem nice ... I will distance myself. I am just a tired binch
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