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iwritesickfic · 4 years

Text

the victorian fic

“Shouldn’t someone with more expertise be with me at a time like this?” Charlie asks, and Ben bites back a smile. Somehow, despite being so terribly ill, Charlie is able to maintain his charm and sense of humor. After being caught in a downpour a few days ago that soaked him to his skin and then some, what was a mild cold quickly became an awful fever that’s refused to drop and a cough that he swears sounds much worse than it really is.

He’s normally pale, but right now he’s whiter than the sheets, his skin shimmering with sweat. The blankets are pulled up to just below his waist, he’s too warm to have anything on his chest. He’s too warm for everything except the few sheets and a pair of loose linen trousers. Ben’s always wanted to see Charlie like this. He always suspected his body was beautiful, but he’d never actually gotten a look. From what he’d felt he knew he was lean and strong but it was something else to see it so plainly.

Of course he wished it’d been under different circumstances. That said, he doesn’t know if there would even be a scenario outside of this he’d see Charlie so vulnerable.

Nobody had wanted to nurse him. Likely because he made most of the staff feel uneasy, the way he would treat them like they were friends or guests. They were always nervous they’d be caught being unprofessional by someone less forgiving. While everyone liked him, probably more than anyone else in the house, a conversation with Charlie was always sort of dangerous.

Ben had tried not to seem excited when he was told Charlie had requested him. Still, he suspected most of them knew about his crush. What they didn’t know was how far from a fantasy it really was. They could never really be together though, obviously. Charlie had a thousand girls vying for his affection.

“I can leave if you’d like, sir,” Ben says, and Charlie smirks.

“Call me sir again and I’ll kick you out.”

“Ok Charles,” he says, and Charlie gives a tired smile. Ben dips the washcloth into the basin and wrings it out, running it carefully over his forehead, then the side of his neck, down to the dip between his collarbones. Charlie’s eyes are locked on him, and Ben pulls his hand back. “Is that alright?”

“More than alright.”

“Are you ever not flirting with me?” He tries to keep his voice low. Charlie’s smile widens a little more.

“Bold of you to think I like you at all.” His voice is weak and raw. Ben’s smile quickly fades when his fingers brush Charlie’s bare skin. He’s still burning up, maybe even hotter than before. Carefully, he runs his fingers through his damp blonde curls. Even his scalp is hot. beneath all the lovesick excitement Ben is trying not to think about how bad fevers can be. He’s heard of things like this killing people. Every day that goes by without the fever breaking makes it harder to ignore. “What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing,” he says, forcing a little smile, and Charlie gives a soft sigh.

“You know I’ll be fine.” Ben doesn’t meet his gaze, but he feels Charlie’s hand on his. It’s halfway comforting and halfway concerning - his skin is so warm and he’s started to tremble. He pulls his hand back suddenly, and Ben looks up to see one of the maids in the doorway. She plays with the edge of her apron.

“Uh, Ben, Maggie asked me to tell you that the ice has just been delivered. She thought you might -” he cuts her off, standing up.

“Yes, of course, I’ll be right down.” The minute she leaves the doorway Charlie grabs his wrist again.

“What are you doing?”

“Going to grab some ice. Do you -”

“No, no. Stay. Stay here.” His eyes are bright with fever, and Ben glances at the door before sitting down on the edge of the mattress.

“I’ll be right back, it’ll only take a minute. Plus, I promise you’ll thank me. It’ll be good for your head.”

“I’m already freezing.” That explains the trembling then. Ben’s learned a few things about illness in the past few days, not very much, but he knows chills aren’t a very good sign.

“You’re not, actually. I could probably fry an egg on your forehead.” He tries to keep things light, not let Charlie know how hard his heart is beating in his throat. Meeting his gaze like this, unbroken and secret, feels so incredibly intimate.

“Grab one while you’re out then?”

Ben smiles and stands up, hoping the blush isn’t visible on his cheeks.

“I’ll be right back. Promise.”

By the time he’s back there are voices coming from inside the room. He recognizes the voice of Maggie, the head housekeeper, along with Charlie’s mother, as well as one other male voice. He hesitates before walking in. Only Maggie turns to see him and quietly waves him over.

“As I was saying, from the sound of it it seems like pneumonia. It’s possible of course to make a full recovery, and a young man such as yourself has a better chance than most, but it can be deadly. I will warn you it’s likely to get worse before it gets better.”

The rest of the words fade into the background as Ben’s heart drops into his stomach. That was about as bad as things could get, apart from maybe TB.

“Surely there’s something to be done,” his mother says in her usual demanding tone. Before the doctor can answer, she seems to spot Ben. “What are you doing here?”

“He was tasked with tending Charles, ma’am,” Maggie says, and Ben doesn’t dare lift his gaze from the floor to see Charlie’s reaction. Edith was not somebody who tolerated any kind of unprofessionalism among the staff.

“And why was that?” She quips, and Maggie doesn’t flinch. She’s worked here almost 20 years, and as a result doesn’t fear Edith the way almost all the other staff do.

“He requested it ma’am.”

“Charles?” She whips her gaze to face her son.

“That’s right.” His voice sounds worse than before.

“And why, pray tell?”

“I wa-” Before he can finish he breaks into a harsh fit of coughs. Ben doesn't know whether it was luck or Charlie intentionally trying to skirt the question but either way he's glad. There's really no good reason Ben should be here.

“It’s best if he’s left to rest,” the doctor says, effectively ending the conversation. He gathers his things and Edith leads him out, and when they’re safely down the hall Maggie rests a hand on Charlie’s back. He’s stopped coughing but now he’s busy trying to catch his breath.

“Are you alright, love?” Maggie asks, and Charlie nods albeit weakly. “Benji here’s got some ice, it’ll do you good.” She kisses him quickly on the temple. She practically raised Charlie, she was more of a mother to him than anyone. She started work here when Charlie was four or five. “You’ll be right as rain in no time. I’ll send up supper for you both in a bit.” She gives them both a smile and nod and hurries out. Ben waits until the door’s closed before he sits down in the chair by the bedside. He tries to busy himself making a cold compress. Even if he knew what to say he doesn’t think he’d be able to speak.

“Ben -”

“Let’s not talk about it,” he says. He places the cloth on the nape of Charlie’s neck, and the older man sucks in a breath. They sit there in a silence for a few moments before Charlie gives a weak smile.

“I was going to ask if you got the egg,” he says, and Ben laughs softly.

He barely touches his supper, and even though Ben forces him to eat a bit more he may as well have not eaten at all. He can still stomach water, but there’s very little else his body will tolerate.

He’s clearly exhausted but sleep won’t seem to come, so Ben reads from a worn copy of Hamlet. Charlie’s got it memorized, so they switch off for each character's line. Somehow, Ben has no idea, he can still recall the exact phrases.

He manages to get to sleep for a few hours but wakes up with a violent fit of coughing, shaking with chills despite being soaked in sweat. When he’s done catching his breath he turns to face Ben.

“This is going to sound insane,” he mumbles, and Ben tests his forehead with his palm. He can’t tell if it’s the same or worse but it’s certainly not any better.

“I’ll be the judge of that,” he says back, and Charlie takes a deep, unsteady breath.

“I want you to hold me.” Ben almost laughs.

“Either you’re joking or the fever’s really made you mad.”

“Neither. I swear. Ben, I’m freezing. Please your hands are so warm.” His voice breaks a little bit and it makes Ben’s heart bleed.

“Charlie...” He bites his lip. “You know I can’t do that.” Charlie’s blinking back tears. “Someone -”

“I don’t care. I don’t.” It’s clear he’s not in his right mind but Ben doesn’t think he can just sit here and watch him cry. So he slips off his shoes and climbs into the bed, Charlie clinging to him almost immediately. He’s extremely hot, it’s uncomfortable to be so close, but Ben pulls him closer. The shivering lessens considerably and though he’s still coughing too frequently to get any rest he seems much more content.

It’s very late. So late the oil in the lamp is almost gone.

When Ben wakes he doesn’t remember falling asleep. It looks like the sun’s just come up, there’s a few hours before someone will bring breakfast, and Ben’s grateful that as far as he knows nobody saw him in bed with Charlie. The older man is still asleep, and Ben carefully tries to extricate himself from the embrace. He’s almost sure he’s gotten away with it when Charlie’s eyes start to open.

“Don’t go,” he mumbles, and Ben tests his forehead with his palm. Again, he’s not sure whether it’s any worse but it doesn’t feel any cooler than before.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he says, and Charlie closes his eyes.

“Good.”

Charlie’s in and out of sleep all day, each time he wakes less lucid than the time before. His fever’s hit a high and he can’t quite breathe properly. It’s late afternoon and Ben’s sitting reading a book between redampening the cold compress, and Charlie’s eyes open. They’re exhausted and practically unseeing, but they manage to find the younger man.

“Ben,” he mumbles, and Ben strokes some of his hair off of his forehead. He hopes the worry doesn’t show so plainly on his face, but the fever is still raging full force. He breaks into a fit of coughs, and Ben’s not sure where his body’s finding the strength.

“How do we feel?” Charlie sighs heavily, still somewhat out of breath.

“Hot. Bad.” They’ve finally reached the stage where he’s lost his ability to be jovial.

“I figured.” He runs his fingers through the sweat damp curls, hoping he’s helping in some small way.

“Can we read?” He mumbles, and Ben’s palm finds his forehead again. He’s still so hot. How can he still be so hot? A fire needs fuel to rage, and it's been days since Charlie's even had a proper meal, how is his body finding the energy to burn so hot?

“Yeah. Of course. You want to me pick back up where we left off?” Charlie nods, and Ben flips the worn pages before finding their place. “Came this from Hamlet to her?” he reads, and Charlie takes a moment.

“Good madam, stay a while, I will be faithful - should I keep going?” He asks, and Ben smiles softly.

“Go ahead, if you know it.” That brings a tiny smile to Charlie’s face too.

“What do you think of me?” He swallows hard and continues. “Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love.” Ben’s throat begins to feel tight and his eyes burn. There’s a noise from the doorway and Ben hopes their closeness isn’t incriminating.

“Beth?” Charlie asks, and for a moment Ben’s sure his fever’s so bad he’s seeing things, but when he looks it is in fact Charlie’s older sister. One of the four, at least.

“Hello sweet boy,” she says, wearing half a smirk, walking to the edge of the bed. She sits gingerly, placing one hand on his knee. He opens his mouth but she starts to speak. “I already know what you’ll ask, so I’ll give you the answer. I found out from Madeline, who found out from her housekeeper, who found out from Sara when they bumped into each other in town. Madeline assumed I already knew and of course our mother doesn’t tell me anything, so I had to come see you for myself.” She suddenly seems to realize they’re not alone. “Hello, Ben.”

“Hello ma’am.” She raises her eyebrows.

“We’re not friends anymore?” She teases and Ben smiles. “It’s alright. You never know when the lady of the house could grace us with her presence. How have you been? Taking care of my brother?”

“I try. He’s quite difficult.” He didn’t realize how much he missed having Beth around the house. After she got married and moved in with her husband he hardly saw her.

“Oh don’t I know it,” she says, and Charlie stifles a cough against his wrist. Her expression sobers. She touches his forehead, then his cheek. “Oh God,” she mutters, though she doesn’t look particularly surprised. She shifts her gaze to Ben. “How have things been?”

“I’m right here,” Charlie says, and Beth smiles.

“Excuse me if I don’t find you particularly reliable.”

“I’m fine,” Charlie says, and it’s clear he’s trying to hide how he’s begun to shiver again.

“Oh well that’s very good news,” she quips, and looks back at Ben.

“He’s had a fever for a while now, it just won’t break. It’s in his lungs. Doctor said pneumonia.” Beth frowns. Ben bites his lip.

Beth hums softly and stands, smoothing her skirt.

“I trust you’ll take care of him,” she says, and Ben nods. She shifts her gaze to Charlie. “I’ll be staying here until you’re well.” She kisses his forehead, and with that and a small wave, she leaves, closing the door gently.

“Should I start back up again?” Charlie asks, and Ben shifts in his chair.

“If you’d like to.” Charlie nods minutely, and Ben smiles, opening the book back up. Charlie clears his throat,

“O dear Ophelia, I am ill at these numbers. I have not art to reckon my groans, but that I love thee best, oh, most best, believe it. Adieu.” There’s a long pause, and Ben looks up from the page.

“You’re stuck?”

“No, no,” he pauses again. “I really don’t feel well, Ben,” he says, and tears have started to well up in his eyes. Ben sets the book on the bedside table and leans in a bit closer. He takes one of his limp, fiery hands in both of his. He doesn't know what to say, so he says nothing, staring down at his knuckles. Finally, he forces himself to look up at Charlie.

"Do you...should I..." he trails off, hoping Charlie will put the pieces together. He just looks confused. Ben sighs. "Should I go send for the doctor?" Charlie shakes his head weakly. "What can I do?" his voice is little more than a whisper. Looking at the way he's trembling with chills Ben understands the unspoken request. Without hesitation he toes off his shoes and takes off the few heavier garments he's wearing so he's left with just his shirt and trousers. Charlie shifts a bit to make room and within moments Ben's beneath the covers, their bodies pressed together. The heat is uncomfortable, but Ben would gladly endure anything if it meant Charlie would feel even an ounce better.

Immediately Ben starts to nod off, but he keeps catching himself. He's gotten almost no sleep lately and the warmth and weight of the blankets is making the exhaustion so irresistible. He waits until Charlie's asleep to let himself go.

He wakes up and for a moment the mid-afternoon light outside is confusing until he remembers where and when he is. Charlie's still asleep. Still shivering. He still feels incredibly hot, Ben's almost certain it's worse than before. Carefully, he extracts himself from Charlie's arms, trying not to wake him. He manages, and hurriedly pulls his clothes and shoes back on. He's just finished when the door creaks. It's only Maggie, and she's come with the thermometer. She doesn't comment on Ben's disheveled appearance, making a beeline for Charlie instead.

She shakes his shoulder, but he doesn't wake. She tries again, and still he doesn't move. The third try finally rouses him, but his eyes only open a bit. His breathing is so labored and his breaths seem so shallow.

"Hello my love, open up," she says gently, and he parts his lips slightly. She manages to get the device under his tongue and glances at the clock. He starts to close his eyes again and she pats his cheek. "No, we need to stay awake, alright?" She turns to Ben. He's not sure he's ever seen her so anxious. Normally she's always calm and steady, but not now. "Have you been watching him?" Ben stammers for a moment before getting the words out.

"I, uh, he wanted - he was shivering and he said he wanted me to uh, he wanted me to hold him." He finally gets out, but Maggie's expression doesn't change much. "I fell asleep. We both fell asleep and I just woke up."

"Alright. You should take care no one sees you in his bed, the lady won't like it."

"Yes." Ben says, unable to meet her gaze. She shifts her attention back to Charlie, whose eyelids have begun to flutter again.

"Just a bit more love, then you can rest," she says and she starts to feel his forehead with the back of her hand. Her anxiety seems to worsen the more of him she touches. With another glance at the clock she removes the thermometer, staring at it for what seems to Ben like a very long time.

She takes a deep breath and sets it down.

"Benjamin, I need you to do something for me," she says, and he nods. "Keep him awake. Get him into the bathroom and sit him in the chair by the window. You'll need to fill the tub with cold water, and while it's filling do whatever you can to cool him down. He won't like it, but it's very important you don't stop. Once you get him in the bath do not get him out until he's stopped shivering and the fever's broken. Then you'll need to dry him immediately and get him back to bed. Do you understand?" Ben nods again, stiffly, and she turns her attention back to Charlie, who's still half conscious. She softens her voice. "Ben is going to get you feeling better, alright? I'll be back in just a bit."

"Mama?" His voice is so ragged and small and sick, and Maggie presses a kiss to his forehead.

"Yes, love." Ben will need to ask about that later.

She stands and gives Ben one last look before hurrying out into the hall. He's terrified. He sits frozen for too long, far too long, before he finally starts to take some action.

Carefully, he guides Charlie up so he's resting against Ben's chest, and he holds him there for a moment before pulling away to meet his eyes.

"We have to get up," he says, and Charlie nods weakly. "Ok. I've got you, alright?" He's barely strong enough to sit up straight, there's no way he's walking to the bath, even if it's only a few yards. Ben will have to carry him. When he peels off the blankets Charlie's shivering worsens, and he lets out a small moan. He starts to cough, the illness heavy and solid in his lungs, unmoving. Ben waits until the fit's over before he tries to lift the older man. He's lighter than Ben expected, but certainly heavy.

It's a bit of a struggle but he manages to get Charlie into the chair by the window, where he has another fit of violent coughing.

His hands are shaking as he turns on the tap, and he wills them to be steady. He turns back to Charlie, and it strikes Ben suddenly that he looks like one of the porcelain tea cups in the china cabinet - pale and fragile and delicate. His hands are still shaking when he tries to get the tangled blonde curls out of Charlie's face.

"Everything is gonna be fine," he whispers, more to himself than to Charlie, but the older man hums softly in response. He starts working on the buttons of Charlie's shirt, trying to focus on keeping his hands from shaking instead of the heat he feels radiating from under the linen. When he's got the shirt off he hesitates for a moment.

"Hey. Charlie?" He asks, and the older man tries to meet his gaze. "Can I, is it alright if..."

"My pants?" As sick as he is he still looks a little amused. Ben feels himself blush. "Go ahead."

He undoes the few laces and gently tugs them off, wishing he could control the way he's blushing.

"It's quite romantic, hm?" Charlie mumbles, and Ben cracks a smile.

"Very much so." He turns off the tap and pauses for a moment to consider how he's going to actually get Charlie in the bath, when suddenly Charlie stands, his knees immediately weak. Ben manages to catch him, and from there it's a strange little fight to get him submerged. The minute he felt the temperature of the water he let out a soft little whine, and from then on he put up as much of a fight as he was able, which was very minimal, until he was finally sitting down, the water resting at the base of his throat.

He's shivering so hard his teeth are chattering, and Ben can barely stand seeing him like this. He keeps one hand running through his curls, the other pressing a washcloth to his forehead.

"B-ben, please. Please don't." He would try to respond but he's afraid he'll start to cry if he opens his mouth. "I wanna be in bed. Please Ben."

"Soon. I promise. Just a little longer." Mercifully, he has begun to cool down. He's still warm but it's nothing compared to the inferno it was.

"No, Ben, I'm freezing," he begs, and before he can rein himself in Ben presses a soft, lingering kiss to his temple. It seems like an eternity passes before his shivering starts to calm, and even though Charlie seems even weaker than before Ben's able to get him out and wrapped in a thick towel in only a moment or two. He's still trembling slightly but he looks much more content wrapped in the thick cloth. Ben's at a loss for what the do next when he hears a commotion from the bedroom. Only a moment later the bathroom is full of sound. Someone picks up Charlie, so easily he may as well weigh nothing, and Ben follows him into the bedroom, where a frantic little group has formed. There's Maggie, Beth, the man holding Charlie who Ben now recognizes as Beth's husband John, and one of the younger maids. Ben steps back. It's clear that out of everyone he's probably the least helpful. Better to leave John, Maggie and Beth room to do something of use.

He can't really see clearly what's going on from behind the small group, and everyone's talking over each other. He can make out Charlie's cough, then his exhausted voice being overpowered by everything else going on.

His heart pounds when he catches one word.

"Ben..." it's Charlie's voice straining to be heard over everything. "Where's Ben?"

In that moment, he's not sure of what to do. If he appears too eager that might be suspicious, but he can't bear not comforting Charlie in every way he can. Before he can decide what to do Maggie pushes him forward so he's at the edge of the bed, and Charlie, who's propped up against the headboard, looks like he hasn't seen him in years. He's smiling, and though the fever may have dropped some he's still clearly out of it, because if Ben really had to describe the look on his face he'd have to say lovestruck.

"Ben, Ben, Ben," he breathes, and it takes all his self control not to just pull Charlie into his arms.

"Yes, sir," he says, all too aware of the eyes on him. Charlie shakes his head.

"No no, I told you don't call me that. You're Ben. I'm Charlie. Remember?"

"My apologies," he says, his voice sounding flat and empty. Charlie pouts and grabs his hand.

"Don't be like that." God, he hates this. Having to pretend they're strangers. Especially when Charlie seems to have no clue why.

"I'm sorry, I don't understand. Is there something you need?" As overjoyed as he looked to see him a minute ago, he looks just as disappointed now.

"Stop it Ben, it's not funny." Finally, John cuts in.

"The fever's clouding his head, this is nonsense," he says, not cruelly, but just matter of fact, which is almost worse. Maggie must have gotten him while they wait for the doctor - John is a physician himself, but normally he works for those of little means, not people who live in homes like this. He examines the thermometer before placing it in Charlie's mouth. "What did you say it was, Maggie?"

"Almost 104."

Ben takes a few careful steps back, but Charlie grabs his wrist.

"Don't go."

"Charlie, what do you want with Benjamin?" John asks, and Ben feels his heart stop.

"Him. I want him."

"But what for?" Charlie looks irritated.

"Because I love him," he says, as if this should be common knowledge. Ben goes numb.

John plucks the thermometer from his mouth and clicks his tongue, seemingly unfazed.

"102.8. It's clear he's not quite out of the woods. Though I suppose the delirium alone is enough to know that." He sets the small glass tube down on the bedside table and turns to Maggie. "It's best if you don't remove Benjamin until he's come back to his senses. He’s very fixated, for whatever reason."

"Of course."

"In the meantime -" They continue talking, and they don’t seem to notice when Charlie starts to speak. It’s very quiet, and Ben knows it’s only for him to hear.

"Come here. Come lay with me,” Charlie mumbles, and Ben is still trying to recover from the confession he’s just made. Because I love him.

“I don’t...I don’t think that would be appropriate,” he says, even though he’s fairly sure no one’s listening. Charlie frowns, but before he can speak another fit of coughs hits, and his expression quickly tightens with pain. The other conversation ends and everyone turns their focus back onto Charlie. Maggie places her hand on Ben’s shoulder.

“I think you should stay with him until the doctor arrives,” she says, and he nods, still stiff. “It should be an hour or so, and shortly after that I’m sure his sisters and mother and whoever else will want to fuss over him, so you’ll get the night to yourself.” The spike of panic he feels at the thought of leaving Charlie is unexpected.

“The whole night?” He asks, hoping he doesn’t sound as nervous as he feels.

“Yes. Get some good rest.” She turns back to Charlie and takes his hand. “Ben will stay with you until the doctor arrives, is that alright?” Charlie looks vaguely confused.

“Until...” he murmurs. “Until?”

“Yes dear. Afterward he’ll get some proper sleep and -” Charlie shakes his head weakly.

“No, no, he has to stay.”

“We’ll discuss it later, alright?” She asks, and though he doesn’t look satisfied he just nods, and she lets go of his hand. Everyone makes their way out the door and the minute it’s closed Charlie turns to him.

“Why are you being so mean?” He asks, and Ben takes one of his hands in both of his.

“I’m sorry.” Charlie seems to soften a little but he still looks upset. “Other people -”

“Who cares about other people,” he says, and Ben sighs. “I love you, I want everyone to know.” It’s no use trying to have a conversation with him right now, so Ben just runs his thumb over Charlie’s knuckles. He doesn’t want to think about how this could be goodbye. How he has to leave knowing the one person on earth he loves is so horribly ill. So ill he’s lost all pretense, all logic. So ill that all he wants is for Ben to comfort him. And he has to leave.

“I love you too.”

Ben barely sleeps. He’s exhausted but he’s too anxious to turn off his mind enough to rest. When he wakes the next morning, it’s well past dawn, which is usually when his work for the day would begin. Nobody woke him. He tries to decipher what that could mean.

He throws on his clothes as quickly as he can and heads to the kitchen. That’s normally where his day would start anyway, and he can’t bring himself to go upstairs. Someone quickly hands him a tray for the breakfast table, and he makes his way into the dining room.

Then, in the doorway, he freezes. Charlie’s at the table. He’s frozen until their eyes meet, and Charlie smiles at him. He smiles back. Then, he’s able to walk. Place the tray on the table. His hands are shaking. Charlie looks up at him.

“Aren’t you going to say good morning?” he asks, and though his voice is thin and worn, it’s the voice Ben remembers.

“Good morning. I just didn’t expect to see you up and about,” he says, trying to keep his voice even. The table is already half full, and though no one’s paying attention to their exchange he knows he can’t show the full extent of his relief.

“And why wouldn’t I be up and about?” He asks, and Ben smirks.

“I take it you’re feeling better?”

“Enough to be up and about, apparently,” he says, and Ben wishes he could hold him. Kiss him. Anything. But it’ll have to wait. “I was thinking of reading in the library,” he says, and though it seems innocuous Ben knows it’s an invitation.

“Maybe I’ll see you, then,” he says, and Charlie smiles.

“Maybe you will.”

22 notes · View notes

tarotdeckshuffle · 5 years

Note

Ok so... What if Ardyn (or some other evil force, ya know?) kidnaps the bro's s/o in order to get like leverage on the group/use as a bargaining chip to get to Noct (like offering a trade, like they could get s/o back in return for the Prince), like how do the bros react to finding their s/o missing and all that and how does he get them back? And if/when they are back and safe with their chocobro, how does he treat them and act around them?(If you maybe want to do Nyx and Crowe maybe?Oh! Or Cor)

Thank you for the request! I wholly apologize! I’ve been working on this for days, but it’s taken forever. I’ve never written Crowe before, as much as I love her, so I hope she comes off well.

As way of apologizing for the delay, how do you feel about a “few” bonuses? :3

Taglist: @idiotflowerex, @laststory1013, @sayaoqueen

If you like what you read, please consider supporting me on Patreon or buying me a Ko-fi!

Noctis

Ardyn wants to get to him, personally.

You hadn’t returned from collecting firewood.

Noct got worried.

All four Bros split up, looking for you.

Noctis starts to panic.

He calls your name and warps to lookouts to try to see you.

But there’s nothing.

His voice becomes more and more desperate.

The sun begins to set.

“Let us return to camp before the daemons come out to join us.” Ignis suggests.

Noctis reluctantly follows.

But their camp has an unexpected visitor: Ardyn.

“Ah, hello!” He greets the men.

All are ready to strike.

“Is this how you greet a guest? Your manners need work.” He replies.

“What do you want?” Noctis growls.

The Chancellor smiles, upon Noct in an instant.

“A trade…”

Noct’s eyes narrow at him.

“By now you’ve realized you’re missing…something. Your dearly beloved waits for you, safe and sound. They’re even close! Just over…there.” He points to the Niflheim fortress on the horizon.

“I offer you a simple exchange. Your life…for theirs. “

He pokes the Prince in the chest. “The choice is yours.”

Noct summons his weapon, ready to strike the jester down.

“Ah, ah ahhh. You see, their safety depends on me. If I don’t return, neither do they.”

Noctis will growl but release Ardyn to waltz back to his airship.

“And, one more thing, do make your decision before midnight, I don’t know how long dear [Y/N] will last.”

Noct is furious as he leaves.

For Noctis, his heart is made up: he’d trade his life for yours every time.

But there is so much more to consider.

He hates that there even needs to be a discussion on this.

To him, he’s not more important than you.

But fate had other ideas.

Noct is utterly distraught.

He is furious that he allowed you to be taken.

And panicking about your safety.

This all manifests into him being stoic and raging like a storm.

Eventually, the Bros come up with a plan.

But for now, Noct gets to go out and beat up some MTs to soothe his rage.

Night falls and the four make their way to the base.

You’re blindfolded with your hands tied, standing next to Ardyn on the ramp to an airship.

MTs fill the base.

The Bros stand in the middle of the concrete structure.

Noctis walks towards the airship.

“I see you found my trade favorable, Prince Noctis.” Ardyn calls, placing on hand on your shoulder.

“Let them go!” Is all Noctis calls back, striding forward.

“May the lovers have one last embrace,” Ardyn pushes your back, making you stumble into Noctis’s arms.

Every MT points its guns at the five of you.

“Now, dear Prince, your chariot awaits.”

But Noct is smiling.

He wraps his arms around you before calling, “NOW!”

Every light of the base turns on in a blinding frenzy,

Revealing the walls to be lined with hunters, firing down with deadly accuracy.

Gladio, Prompto, and Ignis move to surround you and Noctis,

Allowing you a relatively safe escape after the blindfold is removed.

Noctis is desperately clingy in the following days.

He has to make sure you’re alright.

Demanding that you be escorted everywhere.

But all five of you are on edge.

Ardyn did not get what he wanted, so he may try again.

This time, kidnapping any of them.

But Noct refuses to let you out of his sights.

You hear him scream your name as he sleeps, waking terrified.

You try to soothe him.

When you are alone, he finally bursts.

“I was so afraid…I thought I had lost you.” He begins to cry into your arms.

“I’m right here, Noct. I’ll always be here for you.” Is what he needs to hear, over and over again.

He’ll worship the ground you tread when he finally calms down,

But he vows not to allow that to happen again.

Prompto

Ardyn is playing a cruel game when he offers to trade Prompto’s S/O for Noctis.

Prompto noticed you were gone after you didn’t return for about 20 minutes.

That 20 minutes turned into 40. He was panicking.

He set out in the direction you had left to find you.

Running the whole way back when he found a trinket of yours.

“GUYS! SOMETHING’S HAPPENED TO [Y/N]!”

All the Bros were on their feet and looking for you in an instant.

Prompto has been calling your name the whole afternoon, trying to find you.

His throat is raw from it now.

He’s worried enough that he feels sick to his stomach.

The four of them trudge into camp together, Noctis with his hand on Prompto’s back.

And there he stands, dark against the bright colors of the camp: Ardyn.

He smiles, looking directly at Prompto, “Missing something?”

Gladio has to restrain Prompto.

“YOU BASTARD! WHERE’S [Y/N]!”

Ardyn paces amongst the camp, kicking over what had been your coffee cup.

“Your dearly beloved waits for you, safe and sound. They’re even close! Just over…there.” Pointing to the Niflheim fortress on the horizon.

All eyes are on the Chancellor.

“I offer you a simple exchange: The Prince for their life.”

Noctis’s jaw clamps shut, Prompto gasps, Gladio growls, and Ignis glares.

“The choice is yours, Prince Noctis: your life…or theirs.”

He turns and leaves the safety of the campsite, disappearing into the trees.

Prompto summons his gun to take aim, but Ignis pulls the barrel down.

“That is ill advised! The only one who knows where [Y/N] is is him. We need him alive.”

“But…but guys!!” Is all Prompto can manage.

His emotions overflow.

He’s furious, at Ardyn, at himself, and a small part of him is mad at Noct.

Why did Ardyn take you?

Why didn’t he go with you to get firewood?

Why did Noct bring you into this…

He feels lost. Where are you? What’s Ardyn done to you?

He runs over, grabbing the rolling coffee cup.

It was the last thing he saw you hold, it was close to you.

Somehow, now it has meaning.

He runs his fingers over it, remembering your face as you sipped.

Tears fall into the empty cup.

“We’ll get them back, Prompto…I promise.” Noct puts his hand on Prompto’s back.

Prompto wants to believe his best friend, but…can he?

He’s not much use for the rest of the afternoon.

The other three try to come up with a plan.

But Prompto comes up with one before them, while staring at your cup in his hands.

The Bros are at the base as the sun sets.

You stand next to Ardyn, his hand on your shoulder, on the ramp of an airship.

MTs fill the base.

The Bros walk towards Ardyn in defiance of his plans.

“I think you’ve come far enough…” He calls, stopping the men in their tracks.

Before anyone else can speak, Prompto rushes forward.

“SHOW US [Y/N]!”

Ardyn chuckles. “Careful…you wouldn’t want your haist ruining this meeting, would you?”

He shoves you forward, into Prompto’s view.

You try to look at Prompto in such a way as to tell him to run, that you’re ok.

But his eyes are set with determination.

“Now the Prince.” Ardyn grumbles.

Noctis nods to Prompto and starts to walk towards the airship.

And in that moment, Prompto raises his arm level with you.

It has some sort of…armor on it?

NO! That’s a…

A claw grabs your shirt, retracting to pull you forward in an instant.

Without even enough time to blink, you’re drug to Prompto’s feet.

He hoists you up as bullets and swords fly.

The two of you run to safety.

For the next few days, he’s ever at your side.

He has to bury his face in your arms, crying because he was so worried but now he’s so thankful and just…

“Are you ok? Are you sure you’re ok? Did that creep do anything to you?”

Never leaving your side…seriously never.

But his every look at you is adoring.

He’s so worried you’ll slip away, again.

You’re always touching.

It may get annoying, how close he insists upon being now.

It is to the other Bros,

But he’s just so worried, still.

But he promises to you that it won’t happen again.

Ignis

You head out to get firewood as Ignis cooks.

He’s concerned when you’re a minute past your normal window of return.

The most logical conclusion is that you ran up against creatures.

He’ll give you five more minutes.

Never mind, he can’t stand it.

Practically slams the knife he’s using down.

Gladio looks up, “Worried?”

“Yes…they’ve been gone longer than expected.”

Gladio gets up from his chair.

“Well, let’s go join in the trouble…”

He knows Ignis won’t stop worrying about you, but tries to lighten the mood.

It’s better to go and find you than to let him wait.

Prompto sets about stirring the pot of dinner upon Ignis’s instructions.

He is determined to get this right, doing so with unnecessary vigor.

Gladio and Ignis set out in the direction you left, calling your name.

“This silence is unsettling.” Ignis comments.

The yelling continues.

Prompto and Noctis come out to join in the hunt.

But Iggy has grown frantic.

They’ve scoured the land for a mile in every direction around the camp,

But there is no sign of you.

No footprints,

No markings,

No monsters,

Nothing.

Panic edges in his voice as Ignis makes for higher ground to seek you.

Where are you?

He’s desperate for any sign of you.

And that’s when he sees him.

An intruder stands amongst your camp

And waves up at Ignis.

Anger flashes in his features as he sprints back towards camp.

The other bros see Ignis running and assume he’s heading in the right direction.

They all run into camp, stopping just before Ardyn.

“Ah, pleasure to have you join me.” He announces, sitting down in what had been your chair.

Ignis is fit to murder.

“And to what do we owe this…pleasure.” He plays through gritted teeth.

“Oh, you don’t owe me anything…but you may owe [Y/N] an apology.”

Gladio moves to strike, but Ignis holds an arm out to stop him.

“Where are they?” He asks with a stoic anger.

“Well, currently, I have no idea. But, I know where they’ll be.”

Ignis looks like he could pounce at any moment.

“Just as in any good fairy tale, your beloved will appear at midnight. But this tale has a twist! For your true love, you must give up the Prince…” Ardyn gets up as he speaks to pace towards Noctis.

He places a finger on Noct’s chin, raising his face, but Noctis slaps him away.

Ardyn laughs, knowing he has truly gotten to the tactician, as he walks from camp.

“Those are the terms, don’t be late.” He disappears into the forest around the camp.

The moment Ardyn fades into darkness, Ignis slams his fist down on the table, scaring everyone in camp and spilling the now cold pot of stew.

His eyes water.

How could he let this happen?

What has happened to you?

His mind flashes to all the horrible things that could be going on.

And he fully blames himself.

Why did he let his guard down? Even for a moment…that was all it took.

Can he protect both you and the prince? Right now the answer seems obvious.

He’d do anything to get you back, but how could he ask that of Noctis?

Logic tells him how unfair this trade is.

He can’t risk the future of Eos by giving up Noct, he can’t risk his brother.

But you are his everything.

He has no idea what to do.

“Hey…Specs…We’ll get them back.” It’s Noctis, a hand on Ignis’s back.

Everything seems lost…

But it can’t be.

He has to try.

“What do we know?” Ignis straightens, ready to form a plan.

The most important thing you have taught your love is the importance of the element of surprise.

Midnight falls.

Noctis stands in the middle of the base, alone.

Three airships land, spilling MTs from them.

A fourth makes its way down.

The ramp opens to reveal Ardyn.

In the shadows, you stand at his side.

“See, your beloved couldn’t even face you.” Ardyn whispers to you.

The airship hovers above the ground.

“I’m here, Ardyn! Let them go!” Noctis calls.

“I’m a man of my word, Prince. But first, how about you come up here.”

Noctis smiles, now is the time.

He warps towards the airship.

As blue sparks fly, a shot rings out.

A bullet drills into Ardyn’s chest.

Black ooze spills from his shocked eyes.

Before he knows what happened, Noctis is on the ramp.

He wraps his arm around you before warping away, in no particular direction.

The Chancellor lashes out but all that remain are blue sparks.

Ignis smiles from a nearby tower, stolen sniper rifle in hand.

The MTs are kept busy by Gladio and Prompto.

Everyone flees from the base in different directions, meeting up at the Regalia that’s parked a mile away.

You and Noctis are the first to arrive, followed by Gladio and Prompto.

Ignis stays to provide cover for his escaping friends.

Legs fueled by excitement and terror carry him to the rendezvous.

He arrives, only seeing his friends, eyes dreading not finding you.

Noctis looks up at him, smiling, and moves aside to reveal you.

It worked.

Ignis can barely believe it.

He falls to his knees and into your arms.

Desperately holding onto you.

No words are said, nothing could be enough.

He won’t let you out of his sight, ever again.

You lose permissions to get firewood.

Instead, becoming Ignis’s sous chef.

He cuddles more than you’ve ever known him to.

And stays up, just watching you sleep.

In moments alone, he’s always touching you.

“You know I love you…” “Yes, Iggy.”

He needs to be reminded that you’re here, that you’re safe.

It’ll take constant reminding that he saved you, because he feels like he failed you.

He’s tried to apologize for what happened, but you won’t have it.

But your bond is stronger now and Ignis knows that he doesn’t have to do it all alone.

Gladio

The two of you set out in different direction to get supplies for the campsite.

He doesn’t meet up with you on the path back, but assumes you’re ahead of him.

When he gets back to camp, he scans for you.

Dumping the firewood haphazardly, he asks, “Where’s [Y/N]?”

“I assumed they were with you…” Ignis responds, looking up from his cooking.

Gladio growls.

He turns on his heel, setting back out to find you.

“What’s up?” Prompto asks Ignis, joining the scene late.

“Nothing good, I fear.” he responds.

Gladio searches the area he saw you head to, looking for anything.

Everything is too quiet. Something’s deathly wrong.

Finally, he finds it.

But it’s not the sign he hoped for.

Branches are broken, the ground is trampled, it looks like the woods saw a fight.

But his heart stops.

There’s blood.

A small branch holds small drops of blood on it.

Gladio runs the scarlet liquid between his thumb and forefinger.

It’s human…and it could be yours.

He knows he can’t do this alone, so he sets off for camp.

Before he arrives, he hears the engines of an airship.

Chancellor Izunia stands before his brothers.

Gladio storms into the conversation.

Noctis and Ardyn are talking.

“And why would I show up?”

Pushing past Noctis, Gladio faces off against the Ardyn.

“WHERE’S [Y/N].” His voice booms.

“Ah, perfect timing.” The Chancellor coos. “That’s why!”

Gladio is furious, the other men are in shock.

He summons his greatsword, prepared to get answers.

“Now, now, my dear brute. If you want to see them again, you’ll follow my instructions: The prince for your beloved.”

Gladio is even more furious now, ready to strike but willing himself not to.

“You can only protect one, you best choose soon…” Ardyn sings as he turns and walks into the darkness of the woods.

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!” Gladio booms, his sword vanishing as he turns on his friends.

“The Chancellor has proposed a trade…Noctis for [Y/N].” Ignis states, looking at the ground.

“He showed up right after you left…” Prompto adds.

Noctis is quiet, unable to look his shield in the eyes.

Gladio’s blood boils.

He wants to break something, preferably Ardyn’s back.

He wants to scream, to lash out.

But his training has taught him to contain his emotions.

An image of your smiling face flashes before him.

Gods, what’s happened?

He couldn’t protect you.

What if he never sees you again…

But it is his duty to protect Noctis, he can’t give that up.

All Gladio can do is stand, rooted to the ground.

He breathes in great heaves.

His mind racing too fast to allow him to feel.

Numbness is broken by Noctis, placing a hand on Gladio’s arm.

“We’ll get them back.”

Rage turns to chaos in Gladio’s mind, but chaos can be used.

They arrive at the base just before midnight.

Airships start to rain down on the four men.

Three drop MTs, surrounding them.

The fourth hovers above the ground.

From it, Ardyn steps out, you by his side.

A long scratch runs the length of your face.

Gladio looks up, eyes drinking in the sight of you.

“The Prince…” Ardyn calls down.

All is silent and still.

“No.” Gladio responds, pulling a small control from his pocket.

He presses the button.

Bombs explode across the base.

The ramparts are aflame,

MTs are thrown about.

The Shield looks demonic, his wicked smile lit by the flames about him.

This is your chance!

Gladio knew you would know to use the chaos.

You break away from Ardyn.

“JUMP!” Gladio calls to you.

And you do, falling the distance into his arms.

You’re safe against his chest.

He doesn’t put you down as he sprints out of the base, not stopping until you are some distance away.

“Gladio, GLADIO!” You have to wake him from his own mind.

He finally slows and looks at you.

“Love, you can put me down.” You say, lovingly.

He does so,reluctantly.

You look up at him, smiling.

Before being swept into a great embrace.

“I thought I’d lost you…” he whispers into your neck.

You feel hot tears on your skin as you pet his hair, assuring him that you’re safe.

When he finally does look up, he runs a finger along the scratch on your face.

He frowns at it.

“Oh, don’t be like that! Now we match!” You joke.

For the next few weeks, Gladio is constantly with you.

He is always getting you up to train.

And holding you close at night.

He’s scared to lose you, again.

But he knows that Ardyn is hunting, now.

And the chancellor only has to get lucky once.

So he works to make sure you can be better prepared, next time.

Together, the two of you won’t be caught off guard, again.

Cor

You don’t return from a hunt, one day.

It shouldn’t have been anything you couldn’t handle.

But Cor knows something went wrong.

Icy fear grips his heart.

But he doesn’t want to worry the other hunters.

He heads out right away, when you don’t return by sunset.

He disregards his own safety, worrying about you being out, alone and hurt in the dark.

He gets to the area you were supposed to be.

But everything is eerily quiet.

There aren’t even any daemons about.

Footsteps crunch behind him.

Cor spins around, katana ready.

The blade stops at Ardyn’s cheek.

“It appears you’re missing something.” The chancellor wears a wicked smile.

He won’t let it show, but Cor’s heart just plummeted from his chest.

He knew someone may one day use you to get to him,

But he never thought it’d be today.

“Where are they?” Cor demands.

“I truly have no idea.” Ardyn shrugs before pushing Cor’s sword aside.

“But I can tell you where they will be…that base…” he points over Cor’s shoulder, but the warrior refuses to take his eyes off of the threat.

“What’s the catch?” Cor has been in this life too long to think this was going to be easy.

Ardyn smiles, “Oh, you’re as keen as I would expect. Bring the Prince with you by tomorrow night, or you’ll never see them again.”

Ardyn backs away from Cor, his footsteps vanish into the dark.

Cor sheaths his sword, before sighing and looking up at the clear night sky.

Where are you?

Why did he get you involved in this?

You’d have been better off without him.

All he can think about are the moments before you left.

He should have kissed you longer.

He should have told you he loves you.

He should have gone with you.

But he didn’t.

How was he going to make this right?

Could he get the Prince involved?

He didn’t want to, but he wasn’t sure he had a choice.

He also knew how mad Noctis would be if he found out about this from anyone else.

Weighing his options, Cor pulls out his phone.

A sleepy Prince answers.

“Where are you at? Something’s come up.”

Cor sits on the ground of the Bros’ campsite, explaining the situation.

He’s not sure what he expected from the men, but they’re more than willing to help.

They’re all determined to get you back.

Noctis is just thankful that he can help the guardian, for once.

Cor’s lost without you.

His emotions hinder him from thinking straight.

He keeps second guessing every plan he makes before it has time to develop.

Your life is too important to him to go in with anything but the perfect plan.

Luckily, now he has help.

If the boys know how to do one thing, it’s bust a base!

That’s it…that’s the plan.

When Ardyn shows up that night, there won’t be a base left standing.

Cor admits the plan is…strange.

But wrecking the great structure is cathartic.

That night, when Ardyn arrives,

Four airships hover over the wreckage of the fort.

The ramp opens, revealing Ardyn.

You stand at his side, hands bound.

Both of you are shocked as you see the wreckage.

You start to laugh.

“Well, did you at least have fun making this mess?” The Chancellor asks, annoyed at the destruction.

“Yeah! We did!” Prompto yells.

The five men bring their hands from behind their backs, revealing magic bombs in each.

“Want to join in?” Noctis returns.

Ardyn is annoyed that the men wouldn’t play his game, so he’s going to take his toys and leave.

He backs away from the ramp, dragging you along.

Cor won’t have this though.

He pitches his bomb, hitting the ship to the left of Ardyn’s.

The bomb is supercharged and covers the back of the ship in ice.

Off balance, it goes down.

“Must you…” Is all Ardyn replies as he watches the falling ship.

“We’ll give you the prince if you still want him, but give us back [Y/N]!” Cor shouts up.

Noctis is now holding more magic bombs than you thought possible.

Ardyn is completely done with this crap.

“Fine.”

He pushes you from the airship.

You’re falling, falling.

And then a force catches you in momentum.

Noct had warped up to you, catching you, before warping to the ground.

You land, a bound and crumpled mess with the Crown Prince next to you.

In the next instant, you’re swept into Cor’s embrace, held tight against his chest.

He strokes the back of your held and simply takes in your scent.

You begin to cry in his arms.

You were so scared you wouldn’t see him, again.

But here he is.

He pulls away for a mere moment, to check if you’re hurt.

Before pulling you in for a deep kiss.

Gladio jokingly cover’s Prompto’s eyes.

Ignis clears his throat, but Cor ignores him.

You both get up and Cor cuts your binds.

“Thank you, Noctis.” He bows to the Prince.

“It was nothing…just…don’t make a habit of it.” Is all Noctis replies.

The two of you return to hunting, this time, never splitting up.

You laugh at how much more romantic Cor is, now.

He kisses you more, compliments you more, and whispers “I love you” in abundance.

You always knew he loved you, but he wants to prove it.

You’re a team, you need him as much as he needs you.

You’re one of the last good things left in this dark world,

And Cor is going to make sure you know that.

Nyx

It’s a quiet day, rain is falling outside.

Nyx sits at your kitchen table, his coffee growing cold.

His drums his tented fingers.

You’re late getting home.

Far too late for comfort.

He rushes from your home, not able to be patient any longer.

Finding lookouts along the way, he checks throughout the city.

Your normal path home from work,

Your friends’ homes.

Your favorite shops.

No one has seen you.

He calls your phone, over and over again, only to hear your voicemail.

He’s trying to think through where you could be,

But fear pulls at Nyx’s heart.

Trying for the fourth time, he decides to check your home.

There’s a note on the door, this time.

“Bring the Prince to the alley in the 4th district if you ever want to see your beloved again.”

A ransom, huh?

Nyx was on to guard the young prince the next day.

Whoever has you knows a lot.

They know his schedule and they know about you.

Who can he trust?

Obviously, he didn’t trust the right person…

You’re gone.

His heart is cold but his blood boils as Nyx punches the door, denting it.

The one good thing in his life and he screwed it up.

He’s failed you…

You have to be ok…you just have to be.

Nyx calls the only people he can trust: Libertus and Crowe.

The three of them have played poker together since moving to Insomnia.

Now, they can hustle any game.

The next day, Nyx shows up to the alley.

He’s gently carrying a small, blanketed bundle in his arms.

A hooded figure with a familiar voice greets him.

“Good to see you made it.”

“Where’s [Y/N]?” Nyx demands.

Another figure comes out of the shadows, dragging you with it.

You’re bound and blindfolded, but otherwise unharmed.

Nyx breathes a sigh of relief.

“Now the boy.” The first figure demands.

Nyx looks down at the bundle against his chest.

“Then come over here. I drugged him to get him to sleep.”

Gritted teeth appear under the hood.

“Halfway.”

“Fine.” Nyx responds.

He takes five steps forward.

The first figure nods to the second, they meet Nyx.

You’re handed off towards haphazardly as Nyx carefully hands the figure the boy.

He takes your hand and turns to walk away.

“See, that was easy.” The hooded figure remarks.

“Yeah, it was.” Nyx responds.

The figure removes the blanket from around the bundled, revealing a lumpy sack.

“RUN!” Nyx cries to you.

You’re still blindfolded, but you follow where he leads.

Crowe stands on a rooftop above, waving her hands as bombs planted in the bundle explode.

Libertus and the Crownsguard are upon them as the smoke clears.

You’re a few blocks away when you finally stop running.

Nyx removes your blindfold, running his hands down your face.

“Are you ok?” He asks, looking into your eyes.

“Yes, thanks to my hero!” You say half jokingly, throwing your arms around Nyx’s neck.

He kisses you like it’s his first time in years.

You’re here, you’re safe, and he loves you.

“Libertus took my shift for the day…” Nyx remarks, lifting you off the ground to kiss you, again.

“Hmm, so you’re all mine?” You wrap your legs around him.

“I am. And I think I should start making this up to you…”

The next weeks, Nyx doesn’t leave you unguarded.

The group responsible for your kidnapping is caught, but he’s still unsure.

You move apartments, loosing your security deposit due to a new dent in the door.

You are always with Nyx, Crowe, or Libertus.

And if you aren’t guarded, Nyx is in constant contact.

He teaches you more self defense skills.

Finding you’re quite capable with magic.

But he’s also more loving.

More time is spent in each moment, each kiss, each “I love you.”

He wants to be better for you.

He now realizes that every goodbye could be the last.

But Nyx is going to work his hardest to love and defend you.

He’s not going to screw this up if he can help it.

Crowe

Snow falls on the war torn ruins Crowe walks through.

This was the rendezvous point.

It had been three days since you went missing.

You had gone out on a training mission when your whole unit was ambushed.

The others had returned, badly injured, but you weren’t with them.

Crowe feared the worst,

She just knew your time had come.

But one of the new Glaives had a message.

You had been kidnapped.

You would be returned if Crowe delivered Lady Lunafreya to this specific location in three days’ time.

She hadn’t even hesitated.

Nyx and Libertus went with her, but she had ditched them.

Giving them the wrong coordinates.

It had been three days and three sleepless nights.

Crowe missed you.

She was worried sick, but determination was her strongest magic.

This world didn’t have enough light left in it,

So she wasn’t about to lose hers.

A Niflheim commander stepped out from the ruins in front of Crowe.

He held your arm.

You were bruised, cut, and bound, but alive.

Some of your injuries looked fairly serious.

But you were so close, Crowe could almost hold you again.

“Ah, ah, ah! Where’s the Oracle?!” The nameless commander demanded.

Did he think he could take advantage of Crowe?

Why the hell did he have that idea? Was it because she was a woman?

Was it because he thought her lovesick?

He had threatened the best thing in her life, the only thing that really mattered.

He had put you both through hell,

And now he was still making demands?

She’d enjoy this.

“Oh, shit…knew I was forgetting something.”

Crowe snapped her fingers, as though remembering.

The wind around her swirled.

The Nif thought it was just the weather.

“YOU WHAT!? And you think I’m going to let them live?!”

He held a blade to your neck.

You were weak, too weak to fight him off.

“Yes…and you’re going to run if you know what’s good for you.” Crowe was pissed, no one threatened you…no one.

The commander started to laugh, trying to boast as to his abilities,

But the wind howled and swirled around him.

The ruins shook, the worst pieces coming down.

“STOP THAT! I’ll kill them! I will!”

That was it.

Crowe raised her hands and flames bloomed on the wind.

The commander screamed as they licked at his clothes.

In a single moment, Crowe was beside you.

She embraced you, quickly undoing your bindings.

“Let’s go…” she said, leading you away from the burning rubble.

You found Libertus and Nyx, having already made camp.

Crowe saw to your wounds as they berated her for going without them.

She didn’t care.

She’d burn the whole world if it meant keeping you safe.

She was gentle with you, caressing your face and using soft hands on your bruises.

You’d be on rest for the next few weeks, and she would be at your side the whole time.

You simply stared into those beautiful eyes.

“Are you done?” She asked Libertus when she finished dressing your wounds.

“What?!” He shouted, obviously not done.

“Because I have other things to do…”

Nyx began to laugh as Crowe led you to her tent.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” Libertus shouted after you.

“They’re going to have sex, Libertus…” Nyx said.

“I…I KNEW THAT!!!” The best way to shut the man up was to fluster him.

Ravus

He tried to keep you a secret, but some secrets get out.

You had returned to Tenebrae before him on leave.

He arrived days later, expecting to be greeted by you,

But you were absent.

He assumed you had been kept busy with other matters.

In the Manor, he sought you out.

You were not in your quarters and the servants had not even seen you.

All of this was troubling.

When questioned, Luna said that you had never even arrived.

As if on cue, the phone rang.

A servant hands Ravus the line,

“What?” He demands.

“Oh? Bad time? I can understand if you’re cranky, missing your sweetie and all…”

It’s a younger Niflheim commander.

A brash young man who didn’t think Ravus should lead due to his birth.

He was going to do everything in his power to make him step down.

“Where are they?” Ravus’s voice alone sounded like it could murder the man.

“Oh, they’re safe. But they really really miss their little Ray Ray…”

“Enough of this.” Ravus is ready to hang up.

“FINE!” The caller is exasperated. “Resign your position and I’ll release them.”

Ravus sighs.

“Your request has been…noted.” He responds.

“Wait…what?!” The caller is confused but doesn’t have time to question.

Ravus slams the phone down.

Luna stares at her brother.

“Do you actually plan to?” she asks.

“Absolutly not.” He’s already storming off.

“What do you plan, then?” She calls after him.

“To end this pathetic game.”

He leaves Tenebrae immediatly, heading back to Niflheim.

The young man wasn’t expecting the High Commander to confront him directly.

He storms the base, walking like a storm unleashed straight to the young man.

“This…this wasn’t our deal!” He stammers.

“Where are they?” Ravus’s sword is inches from the man’s face.

“Dearest, you are so overdramatic…” you say, from a nearby doorway.

“How’d you get out?!” Now the two of you are tag teaming the young man.

He is utterly confused.

Ravus removes his sword.

“You certainly took your time.” He replies.

“Oh, yes, well his troops needed more training and I actually found some usful information.”

The young man is confused and utterly terrified, now.

You join Ravus, taking his magitech arm.

“Let’s go home, love. This idiot has taken enough of our leave time.”

He’d slowly sheath his sword before turning to walk out with you.

Stopping at the doorway, he’d call back,

“I recommend you resign your position straight away, lest this incident come to light.”

The two of you make your way to Tenebrae.

Ravus is cross with you the whole way.

“Oh, admit it! You were at least a little worried.”

He’s pouting now.

Finally, he admits it.

“Yes, I was. You shouldn’t have done that.”

“Oh, fine…I’ll make it up to you.”

Ardyn

Glaives snuck in, late at night, and kidnapped you from the base you’ve been staying in.

Ardyn is furious.

He will bring the whole world to its knees if anything happens to you.

The unit holding you agrees to trade your life for his.

He readily agrees.

You wait, surrounded by Glaives, at the reandeavous.

Your eyes are pleading with Ardyn, begging him not to do this trade.

But he practically waltzes to take your place.

Stopping midway to kiss your cheek.

“Did they harm you, my love?”

You’d answer no. The Glaives are not ones for torture.

He’d nod.

“Then worry not. I shall return to you soon.”

You’d watch them escort him out of view.

He smiles back at you.

As soon as you can no longer see them, you hear their fate.

Screams, so many screams.

Ardyn returns soon after.

“There, now. What say we go home?”

You know the fate of the Glaives, as much as Ardyn hates it.

But today, you are just thankful to have him by your side.

Bonus:

Aranea

She’d be worried, but let all hell rain down upon whoever took you.

Likely beating the crap out of your kidnapper with her bare fists.

Then berate you for being taken.

But you can bet she wouldn’t let you out of her sight for quite a while to follow.

Luna

Would have the Archeon remove the roof of the building you’re held in.

Letting your captors deal with the wrath of a god,

While she quietly runs away with you.

She’d be worried sick about you.

And not let you leave her side from then on out.

144 notes · View notes

fordarkisthesuede · 5 years

Text

The Tolls of Justice - Chapter 1

Thank you for all your kind words so far!!! （*’∀’人）♥ I'm slowly reading that nice pile of new TT works you all made! ♥♥♥

(And I’m sorry for the delay,

Important Spoiler Tags: more talk of dead bodies, blood mention, mental illness

{Prologue} {Next Chapter}

Read on AO3 or continue below:

[Chapter 1: A Different Ceiling]

John Doe stared wide-eyed up at the whitewashed ceiling, feeling his breath catch in his chest and release too fast. He could practically hear his heart thudding in his ears like the world’s worst wake-up call.

Where am I? He asked himself.

He turned his head as he tried to breathe slowly. Dull light streamed in through the thin chicken-wire over the window - a standard of mornings in Gotham. There was flat blue paint on the walls, a familiar photograph sitting on a nightstand, a clock (oh, it was 7:20, that was helpful) and a phone there that he wasn’t technically supposed to have.

He snatched the phone off the surface and swiped up, barely paying attention to the illuminated rollercoaster that was his lock-screen. A selfie of himself and Bruce Wayne greeted him, only partially obscured by a couple of icons. He’d taken the picture three days ago, during their last visit; he could see the phone’s little timestamp in the corner, underneath the clock. He took a deep breath and focused on Bruce’s face.

Bruce had worn that really good cologne that day. He could smell it lingering on his own shirt for hours afterward, bringing to mind memories of his short stay at Bruce’s house.

He felt his panic start ebbing away. He wasn’t in Arkham Asylum anymore. He wasn’t in the Old Five Points, either, or the abandoned Funhouse, or Ace Chemicals. He wasn’t dreaming or being delusional or…

John pinched himself and winced slightly at the sharp sting it made in his wrist. Nope, he wasn’t under any kind of drug-based hallucination, either. Just like the day before that, and the week before that, and the fortnight before that.

But his subconscious apparently hadn’t caught up with reality just yet. He kept dreaming of everything else. Everything that could have gone wrong, or everything that did go wrong, but amplified by twenty.

Things should be different now. They were different now. Bruce was fine. John was….well, here.

The halfway house he was in was one of the better ones in the city. It wasn’t the best, of course, considering John’s past...difficulties, but it was better than where he’d ended up last time. There weren’t any bars on his window, his room actually had some color in it that wasn’t just a stain, and the only rat he’d seen so far was outside of the building.

His thumb hovered over the messenger icon on the screen, and he looked at the little digital clock in the corner. Was it too early? Bruce had been on patrol, and he’d already bugged him after one nightmare.

But it was a different one. He’d only dived over the railing towards that bubbling vat of chemical waste before. He’d had that dream before, always feeling like he’d fallen onto his back on the mattress afterward; he was almost used to that one.

This time he’d been covered in blood. He could only see the Funhouse floor, the countless bodies there, forming a grotesque ring around him, staring at him with unblinking dull expressions...

John rubbed his forehead. He really didn’t want to think about it anymore. He wanted a distraction and comfort and Bruce’s soothing voice in his ear.

His phone buzzed in his hand, and the first line from Bruce’s text dropped down from the top of the screen.

John hit it like lightning and let his brain simulate Bruce’s voice.

I’m close by. Can I come see you before work?

Bruce was heaven-sent, surely. A gift from a god of some sort. An absolute treasure John didn’t deserve to even look at.

He hovered over the keyboard. Should he wait a minute? Should he just say yes with all the exclamation points he felt in his heart?

No, no - Bruce might want to see him to get comfort of his own. Which meant he needed to loosen up a little.

Ha ha, I knew you couldn’t resist me ;)

John waited a moment, his brain buzzing that maybe it wasn’t the best idea to joke with a man that might have stayed up all night again… Maybe he should amend it with a ‘j/k’?

What can I say, your raw animal magnetism has a tendency draws in bats.

John laughed to himself.

Ha ha ha! I bet I can amp up the magnetic power to get you here *faster*!

No need. I’ll be there in 5 mins.

…you’re that close already?

How’d you know I’d say yes?

I had a feeling you would.

Plus this is important.

Important. So, a nine-out-of-ten chance it was about Bruce’s stakeout last night. John pushed aside the budding worry that something had gone horribly wrong - Bruce was talking to him. If he wasn’t fine (or at least Bruce’s definition of it, which was ‘alive and secretly hurting somehow’), he wouldn’t be speaking to him.

Unless someone had found out about his secret identity, knocked him out (or worse), stole his phone, discovered where John was staying, and was coming to kill him and taunting him about it by masquerading as Bruce...

...but that was a preeetty low chance.

Ok. Drive carefully, there’s a bunch of lunatics out there.

And I would know! Ha ha ha!!

I’m always careful.

I’ll see you soon.

Ten minutes, five minutes - hell, John could be ready to see Bruce in one minute. He threw on the closest things from the drawer, smoothed his hair back, and paced over the tiles a little, darting his eyes out the window towards the mediocre parking lot. It was funny how different it looked compared to Arkham. He still sometimes felt like he’d wound up in a different wing of it rather than a whole new place...

He blinked, remembering that St. Dymphna New Life Home had a somewhat different set of rules and that he could leave his room. And unlike Arkham, he didn’t have to ask or do someone a favor or play innocent. (Most of the time, anyway…)

He was already out in the hall, feeling like he should rush even though he knew he didn’t have to, passing other rooms, other snoozing patrons, turning a corner, and smacking right into Mickey.

Mickey Williamson had a serious case of ‘resting bitch face’. Well, that coupled with paranoia and aggressive issues.

“You trying to start somethin’, clown?” Mickey grunted, staring down at John.

From anyone else, it would’ve been a threat, but John had helped Batman take down Bane; this guy was a limp noodle in comparison. Still, picking a fight - even a verbal one - wasn’t a good idea. Neither was shrugging it off. “Only part one of my plan to brighten your day,” he joked. “I know you don’t like loud noises. How else am I going to get your attention?”

Mickey gave a short hmph, clearly satisfied. “...what’s the plan?”

He definitely wouldn’t buy that it was a secret. “A joke! Why are lawyers buried ten feet underground?”

Mickey looked up at the ceiling for a brief moment. It was hard to tell if he was rolling his eyes or thinking about it. “Okay, why?”

“Because deep down, they’re not that bad!”

Mickey gave a short, boisterous laugh that was definitely genuine-sounding, despite the smile slipping off his face shortly after. “Okay, that was much better than the one about the rotisserie chicken you told Chuck yesterday.”

“Yeah, I guess when there’s more than one meat that cooks like that it kinda takes away the punch…”

He crossed his arms. “So what’s part two of ‘plan’ of yours?”

“What, and ruin the mild surprise? Mickey, how long have we known each other?”

“Four weeks.”

“Exactly! And have I ever done you wrong in all that time?”

His jaw shifted slightly. “That green sauce you told me to use the other day made everything too spicy.”

“Okay, honest mistake on my part, I didn’t think you’d use that much… But that aside?”

“...no,” he admitted with a slight shrug.

“Mm-hm! So trust me - it’ll put a smile on your face!” John emphasized with a click of his fingers towards his bulky neighbor and a grin of his own as he slunk away. “Probably,” he muttered to himself, completely unsure of what he would do next. Mickey might not have been as scary as Bane, but John was constantly trying to be on his best behavior, so getting on Mickey’s good side - along with everyone else’s - was for the best.

John glanced briefly the camera in the corner of the open stairwell, seeing it still pointed down the hall. He knew from the angle and shape of the lens that the corner of the stairs was a safe place to talk if Bruce didn’t want his lips recorded.

The thought made him giggle a little to himself. It took two flights of stairs to get down to the welcome area, where’d he’d no doubt have to wait as Bruce signed more pointless pieces of paper and -

And there he was. Bruce Wayne, standing there, signing away another visitor’s form and chatting up the easily-charmed nurse for the sake of his public image.

He was radiant, even under the fluorescent lights. A gorgeous demigod - no, a hero, a warrior of the highest class, out to mingle amongst the common criminals without his armor. John felt like the atmosphere had shifted and grown warm, and there was something about the way Bruce’s flirtatious smile wasn’t reaching his eyes that made John’s stomach feel all light.

The real smiles were all his. His, his, his.

He knew he had to wait until Bruce passed through the little security check, but for what felt like for the hundredth time he just wanted to walk over it and ignore everything that stood in the way of them. His fingers itched to touch Bruce, grab his hand, his wrist, anything, and he couldn’t. He shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked on his heels, waiting, waiting, and smiling wider as Bruce caught his eye.

It didn’t matter how small the little smile back on Bruce’s face was, it was genuine. It made John chuckle: that silly girl at the front desk thought she had half a chance with Bruce? Ha!

John barely heard the guard talking about how they should go to the visiting room a-s-a-p. He knew the rules - visits were a maximum of sixty minutes, they had to be conducted in the visiting room unless a doctor signed off otherwise, and if a therapy session, work, or a meeting with the social worker was scheduled John would have to go to that no matter what.

Blah, blah, blah. There was no rule on how long they could take to walk to the visiting room. And John was willing to bend and break rules into tiny pieces for Bruce any day.

“Hey, John.”

“Hey, Bruce,” he echoed back in the same tone, grinning just a little wider. “You’re earlier than I thought you’d be.”

“I drive fast,” Bruce shrugged with a small smirk. They left the guard to pretend he wasn’t listening or watching them leave in his peripheral vision. “You doing okay?”

“Is our new mayor crooked?”

“...possibly?” Bruce answered tentatively.

“Exactly!” John joked.

Bruce wasn’t keeping his eyes focused on the stairs. Cautious concern worked its way onto his face, which John felt simultaneously annoyed and relieved at it. It was amazing having him for support - every doctor he’d ever had stressed how important a good support system was - but sometimes it made John feel like he was being babied. “I’m not sure how to take that.”

“Take it any way you want! Doesn’t change the fact that I always feel better when you’re here.”

Bruce frowned slightly. “Is something wrong?”

John rolled his eyes. Bruce was toeing the line of babying. Why could he not take a good dark joke? “No, Bruce. I’m not being mistreated, I can take care of myself, and I’ve taken my meddies like a good boy.”

Bruce’s frown deepened, and he got that stern look that made John’s brain give a little burst of adrenaline. His more dominant side always made John want to challenge him...and swoon, usually at the same time. Bruce took hold of his arm, his grip firm but not entirely threatening, and pulled him discreetly underneath the camera so they wouldn’t be seen; both stood side-by-side with their backs against the wall, Bruce’s grip on his arm loosening. “You’ve texted me in the middle of the night several times this week. I know you’re not sleeping well.” His too-blue eyes searched him. “I won’t say anything if you’re not okay, John. I just want to know what’s wrong.”

John thought briefly about retorting with ‘you’, but that was so incredibly untrue that John couldn’t even try to lie with that sorry excuse. He couldn’t say he was ‘fine’, either, despite the habitual urge to. He wasn’t, Bruce knew it, and they did make that promise to be honest with each other...

“It’s just...you know, my brain, being...rude to me.” He knew that wasn’t a good enough explanation, but Bruce was giving his ‘I’m taking you seriously’ face. John always liked that expression. He didn’t see it enough on people. “I just keep having, you know,” John fumbled, rubbing the back of his neck to try and dispel some of the awkwardness, “bad dreams. I mean straight-up barbaric ones, Bruce,” he felt his lip curl in a sneer at himself, “My brain compacts all my garbage memories and twists it into something worse.”

Bruce took hold of John’s hand so smoothly it actually took him by surprise. John stared at him, wondering if he’d said something wrong. He should explain, shouldn’t he?

“I think… I’m still adjusting. Like, I know you’re here, and I’m here, but...it’s like my brain secretly doesn’t like the change and is punishing me for it,” John continued, giving a short, nervous giggle, “Which is ridiculous, because this is more than I could’ve hoped for in a lifetime!”

“Have you mentioned this to Dr. Song?”

“Umm…sort of?” John gestured with his free hand. “Sans graphic details, but, uh, yeah.”

“Is it why you’ve been texting me so late? You wake up from them?”

He didn’t quiiite want to put it like that. He didn’t want to keep thinking of those stupid dreams. “That, and I miss you,” John answered with a sly smile. Their fingers were entwined - he stroked the Bruce’s thumb with his own, feeling the old tiny scar there, slightly smoother than the rest of his warm hand.

The reaction was more of what he wanted to see right then - Bruce had that sweet longing look in his eye.

“I’m literally counting down the days, Bruce,” John purred, feeling much more confident as Bruce’s face flushed a delicate shade of pink. “I’d do anything just to kiss you right now.”

“We shouldn’t,” Bruce replied, looking like he was trying to talk himself out of doing just that.

“That’s not what you said last time,” John teased quietly with a grin, turning to lean his shoulder against the wall. The delicious aromas of expensive cologne and hair conditioner clung to Bruce’s collar, bringing to mind the more sordid details of that last visit. “In fact, I remember you pinning me to the wall and kissing me until you couldn’t breathe.” He’d give anything (any mild luxury, a whole week of visits, all the good night’s sleeps he had left) just have a room alone with him for a while. “I’ve had a hard time thinking about anything else since then.”

He could almost see the struggle between reason and desire in Bruce’s mind. He tried to hide his little shudder as John leaned in a little more; oh yes, John had him right where he wanted him. Bruce might as well have licked his lips.

“Or do you want me to do the pinning this time?”

John considered just pulling him forward and kissing him anyway, but that would ruin their little game. He liked seeing how far he could push Bruce. He watched Bruce’s baby-blues flicker slightly between John’s eyes.

The admonishment in his voice was gentle, like the squeeze he gave John's hand. “We really shouldn’t.”

“Alll-riiight,” John said with a playful pout, “If you say so, Bruce.” He pulled away and crossed his arms, wanting something else to do with his freshly-warmed hands. “You got spooked when that door opened last time, huh?”

“It’s more like ‘I don’t want people to think you got out because of my influence’,” he retorted quietly with a slight smile.

“Well, they’re not wrong, Bruce. I wouldn’t be in here without you,” John pointed out with a shrug in the general direction of their surroundings. “But I get it. So, if you’re not here for a good ol’ round of canoodling, it must be work-related, huh?”

He looked slightly embarrassed. “I actually just wanted to see you.”

John felt his heart skip that middle beat. “Oh! I mean, when you said ‘important’, I thought… Oh, geez,” he blustered, tapping his thighs with his fingers, “You sure know how to make a guy feel special.” He brought his hands together, looking up at Bruce with his best puppy-eyed expression. “But you’ll tell me how last night went anyway, right?”

Bruce had that cute little smile perking on the corner of his mouth. “Of course.” The smile slipped away just as soon as it appeared. “Not well. The shipment coming in was sabotaged before it came into port; I found all the crew dead.”

“Uugh,” John grunted, putting his hands in his pockets. “Did you at least get B.M.’s guys?”

“No. Their van combusted not long after I boarded the ship. G.C.P.D. found three dead, the last one’s presumed missing. We think it’s a rival gang - C.S.I. was still examining the wreckage when I left.”

“Sounds like a rough night.”

“It was. I barely got a power nap in before-”

“John?”

He glanced down the stairs, towards the voice - Devi, one of the few women staying there. She’d been there for three months already, coming out of her second stay at the county clinic.

“What’re you doin’? We got work in five minutes.”

“...we do?”

“Yeah, it’s Tuesday, man. You comin’ or what?”

He didn’t want to, but he should. “If I don’t make it down there, hijack the bus to wait for me,” he joked.

Her face lit up. “Hey, an upside: I can finally get one of Peralta’s Boston cremes in you.”

John grinned and gave a dramatic gasp. “Devi, you scoundrel, that’s dirty!”

“You’re the one makin’ it dirty, man!” Devi laughed, “I better see you down here in five, or I’m tellin’ the warden,” she teased as she turned the corner, her ponytail of tiny braids shifting as she walked.

Bruce had that calculating look. “I’m sorry, John, I didn’t know you had work today, either.”

“That’s okay, Bruce, I forgot entirely!”

Bruce looked far away, like he was thinking through something.

“Um, you okay?”

“...she didn’t question us standing here.” Bruce turned his gaze to him again. “Do you think she knows something?”

“Devi? Nahhh, she’s on the level.” Weeell… “Our level, I mean. Even if she ‘knows something’, she’s no rat.” Bruce still looked concerned, the big worry-wart. “Look, it’s fine - I’ll go get on the bus with the other crazies, go sit in a back-room sewing den where no one sees me for half the day, and text you if she tries to blackmail me so your other half can pay her a visit.”

Bruce’s little smile returned, making John want to just reach out and caress him like the treasure he was. “You don’t need an excuse to text me, John. You can do that whenever you want.” The sincerity made John’s stomach twist a little. “Just be careful. And have a good day at work.”

John wondered if everyone else in a relationship felt a little burst of joy at the simple well-wishing phrase. “Right back at ya, Brucie,” he said, nudging Bruce’s shoulder with his fist. He leaned in a little, lowering his voice just so Bruce could hear. “You know what I’ll do if anyone hurts you.”

Just as soon as Bruce got that complex look of desire-in-denial and mild alarm that John had wanted to see, John tossed him a wink and whirled around, leaving him to puzzle it out as he descended the stairs.

He grinned to himself, feeling much more relaxed and in-control than before. “Don’t stay too long, Bruce, or you’ll start thinking you live here!”

*~*~*~*~*

The Eastern harbor was one of the more seedy places in Gotham. Batman often fenced the place as part of his patrol, and John could name every mob that made a hit on the infamous 13th Street.

So naturally, it was one of the few sections of the city that would think of employing former Arkham inmates. It was a twenty-minute bus ride every morning to get to their respective jobs. Most of the residents in St. Dymphna were leased out to the laundromat or the incorrectly-named Lucky Hotel down the street. Occasionally one would go to the weird fish market to work in the back, gutting and descaling whatever was brought in. John was so far the only one to be placed in the Stitched Up Alterations joint next to the laundromat.

The bus was discreet, looking more like a white van with the city logo than a repurposed short school bus. It made John long for the flair of Lil’ Puddin’; it might have just been a stolen car he’d had repainted, but at least you knew who was coming.

He gave a little wave to Devi as he passed her heading towards the laundromat, leisurely making his way to the back alley around the place. He passed the always-smelly dumpster and the brick wall covered with graffiti - grinning slightly at the ‘fuck the agency’ tag someone had made with a decent imitation of his clown-smiley-face - and entered through the back door.

It was a small space, crowded with giant spools of various fabrics in all kinds of colors and patterns. There was a little group of headless dress forms in a few different sizes that he had recently cleaned the dust off of, one of which had what might be a burnt-orange off-shoulder dress pinned to it, likely for prom. Or was it homecoming? John never really knew which was which, but summer was only a couple of weeks away, which meant it was likely for whatever the last dance of the year was, and it was definitely new.

Though the color really wasn’t in season. It put him in mind of the fall, of the range of makeup he’d been eying in his few hours of freedom in Gotham half a year ago... He touched it, feeling the synthetic satin under his fingertips. It hadn’t been there yesterday, but it was real.

He passed the shelf of jars filled with colorful buttons, and the rolls upon rolls of fabric, taking a moment to run his hand over the beautiful purple broadcloth he’d half-hidden in a stack, and checked his lonely workstation. A pile of pieces to work on, all folded and tagged, sat at the table by the sewing machine.

He flicked through the pile. Boring, mildly interesting tack job, ooh nice pattern, boring, and

S.Townsend. Beautiful calligraphy, almost like it was from someone with years of practicing their signature. (John would know – he had roughly eight years of practice and he knew his wasn’t anywhere near that pretty.)

“Why does that name sound familiar…?”

A quick search turned up a few results, but nothing recent stood out… There were too many famous S.’s with Townend, apparently – a musician, some newscaster miles away, a convicted murderer ten years ago, some yacht owner…

“Ah-haaa.” One of Gotham’s one-percenters. Sonja Townsend, the chairwoman of Wayne Enterprises. “Why would a member of Bruce’s round-table go here?”

The ticket was recent, made yesterday at closing and wanted in half an hour. An easy enough job - just adding a ticket pocket to a very new purchase. The tag for the jacket was still attached to the sleeve - on sale for fifty bucks, marked down from two-hundred.

“A big-wig who doesn’t always buy big, huh?”

That was...definitely strange. Suspicious, even, considering Wayne Enterprise executives made so much it was a surprise they didn’t try to declare themselves kings.

He unbuttoned it and checked the lining - there was a ticket pocket already there. It was certainly a man’s jacket, just...very small. And they didn’t want it taken in or shrunk?

Hmm.

He took the seam-ripper and tore through the thin stitches holding the pocket closed, wondering if there was something inside.

Nothing.

“You’re being paranoid, John. Dr. Leland warned you about looking too far into things,” he muttered to himself, “Even if it isreally weird… There could be a decent explanation! But… Ugh, what would Bruce do?” his arms and staring at the annoying tag.

Bruce would question it, look at it from every angle… And research it.

John snapped a photo of the tag where The-Mysterious-Person-S had scribbled their signature and sent it to Bruce.

Hey buddy, does this handwriting look familiar?

I can’t check right now. In a meeting.

Fair enough. Looking at it from other angles it was.

John pat the sleeves, the collar, turned the inner-pocket inside out, thinking about the tiny packets of drugs he’d seen exchange hands at Arkham when he found something in the outside pocket.

An ordinary USA Express. No signature on the back, and the black stripe was very worn, but the card wouldn’t expire until next month; the unlucky name on the front was Michael Hodgson.

Huh. Well…no, it wasn’t finder’s-keepers, and John had already been told off for petty theft during his trial, but…it could be useful. Door locks could be picked with a card. As long as he didn’t buy anything with it, it was fine, right?

Right.

John stuck it in his back pocket.

Just as soon as he did, the door to the front opened, and John sat and moved the shirt like he was doing ordinary work as usual, pulling out the boring fabric that someone wanted to turn into a very boring pillow.

The manager came through, hauling a grocery bag of more fabric.

“Oh, John – can you…take a walk for a bit?” The smaller man asked, his mild Thai accent slightly more prevalent than normal. It only seemed to happen when he was nervous. “I have a special order I need to do back here. It will take up the bench.”

“Uh, sure, if you want. How long will you take?”

“A while. Just make sure you’re back in half an hour; the social worker’s dropping by then,” he said with a wave of his hand, moving in John’s way to force him back up.

Mr. Prinya definitely wasn’t supposed to tell him that. Those were meant to be surprise visits, to see how John was coping. “This isn’t some kind of test, is it?” John asked with a nervous little laugh, “Like you’re seeing if I’ll take the opportunity to skip out and report me?”

“You ask a lot for a man who wants this job.” Mr. Prinya put the bag by the stack of orders. “You leave, be back in thirty, both of us live to work another day.”

Ah. He was moving something. His accent came in a little thicker with the light threat, and his little show of bravado made John think it was probably against his will. Probably. But John knew the score – he had more than his share of experience keeping secrets in Arkham. And time away was beneficial for both of them.

“Hey, no worries,” John answered with his best understanding smile and a raise of his hands, “I get ya. I’ll just leave this one on the outgoing rack, ‘k?” He emphasized, picking up Townsend’s jacket.

Mr. Prinya gave a stiff nod, taking a seat in John’s chair and fiddling with his phone as John put the jacket on the wire hanger and threw it on the ‘outgoing’ rack by the door. He clearly didn’t want John to know what was in the bags. Probably for the best.

John left through the backdoor and stepped back into the alley.

He wasn’t far from the harbor. He could easily go have a look at the crime scene from last night by warehouse twenty-two… It was best not to get too close to it, though, so strolling by the actual docks wasn’t the best choice. He could go the roof of one of the buildings close to it instead. John had managed to get a close-zoom lens for his phone’s camera a little while back; it was a tiny thing attached to the back of his phone’s case, plugged into the audio jack for safe-keeping - all he had to do was clip it in place and he’d be able to have almost-binocular vision.

He took a quick look at the back of the laundromat. There was a camera by the door, but if he went juuust wide enough, he wouldn’t be seen by it’s all-seeing-eye.

The wire fence was a little difficult to climb in his shoes (he missed those ankle boots Bruce had bought him last year, the slight heel dug into crevices nicely) and he was never a fan of the feel of metal digging into his hands, but he managed to climb over the fence with a swing over the top and a hop to the ground without any injury.

John straightened his shirt, feeling a little accomplished, and set off for the sets of buildings closest to the docks, passing by graffiti in the twisting litter-coated alleyway - there was a poor imitation of the bat signal that someone had scribbled over and written ‘fuck batman’ next to, standard gang tags, non-standard gang tags, an anarchy symbol, a giant cartoonish bat chasing people…

Actually, that was one for the album! He had to stop and take a picture; one of the people looked like the Mayor. He didn’t even care it had a few of the tags in it - it was part of the charm, really.

He passed by one of the partially-repainted dumpsters, wrinkling his nose and walking faster when he smelled rotting fish parts, and spotted the ladder for the fire escape next to it dangling down partway into the alley. John was tall enough to tug at the ladder, but it wouldn’t budge.

The windows were mostly blacked out by something or other. If anyone lived there, he doubted they were home. It would be a damn good view, and close enough that the journey back wouldn’t make him late.

“Hm, to use the smelly abyss as leverage, or risk a minor injury?” He muttered aloud.

The dumpster was ancient and rusting. Not worth it.

John bent and jumped up, grabbing hold of the bars on the ladder and swinging his legs out to keep balanced as he climbed the first few bars. He checked the window by the landing and wiped his hands on his pants for good measure. The room there wasn’t as empty as he thought - the window had been darkened by thin film, like the kind they used for quick-fix window tinting, and the inside had some bare battered furniture. He could see a duffel bag half-hidden by a table leg.

Probably another runner. It was no use pondering about what they were running from. In Gotham, there were far too many choices.

The next two windows had curtains (or in one case, sheets that had been clumsily tacked on the panes that let John see someone watching bad on-demand porn) and the last one showed nothing but an empty room with an open doorway. “Man, how hard is it to get a little bit of human interaction around here?” He grumbled to himself. He’d at least like to see someone else properly for more than a minute. Or get an idea of them at least.

He looked out into the street below - three passers-by in matching grey-and-black hoodies, seeming to laugh it up as they passed. A street gang, maybe... They weren’t very observant, if they were; there was a perfectly good motorcycle just sitting at the end of the alleyway there. It couldn’t be too difficult to hot-wire. At least compared to a car.

There was one more ladder going to the rooftop - and upon poking his head over the top, John was unsure on how to feel.

Tiffany Fox stood near the edge of the roof, doing exactly what he was planning on doing - only she had a pair of real binoculars. And that tablet she used for her drones.

She looked different from the last time he saw her, too; she was dressed fairly professionally, making her look a little more mature despite the dark blue streaks littering the thick curls on the one side of her head.

He wished he had her number so he could just text her he was there. Sneaking up probably wasn’t the best thing to do, despite the little urge to spook her; she was being trained by Batman, after all.

Weird situations like this surely called for some playful banter. “What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?” He asked with his best film-noir-detective voice.

It certainly got her attention. She whirled around looking like a frightened cat, reaching for her hip like there was something useful there. A taser, judging by the shape in the pocket. (John always wondered why women’s slacks had those terrible form-fitting pockets.)

The wary look on her face didn’t quite diminish when she noticed it was just him. Despite the better terms they ended on in the ambulance back in October, he didn’t completely blame her for distrusting him - they had matching scars, after all.

“John,” she said simply, “Don’t sneak up on me like that.”

“Ha, now you’re sounding like Bats, at least!” He chuckled, moving towards her to close some of the gap. He knew better than to get too close, though. He’d be the same way, if things were reversed; you never really knew what someone had hidden on them. “I would’ve thought you’d have developed that sixth-sense of his by now, after all you’re training, Tiff’.” (He made sure to keep of the ‘y’ he wanted to add. He remembered she’d said not to call her that; ‘Tiffy’ was reserved for brain-talk only.)

Tiffany’s expression shifted. She wasn’t just wary anymore, she had that little frown on her face that meant he’d crossed some unseen line. It couldn’t have been her name - was her training not going as well as Bruce had said? Or was it just one of those secretly-sensitive subjects?

“So… What’cha doin’?” He asked casually, stopping at the edge several feet away from her to look down into the street. “People watching, or crime scene watching?”

“Crime scene watching. Aren’t you supposed to be in that halfway house?”

He couldn’t decide whether the tone was accusatory or curious. It kinda sounded like both… Well, best to be nice about it. She had Bruce’s number on speed-dial, after all. “I am; I’m technically on a break from the mandated work. What about you, Tiff’?”

She raised a brow, and her tone was instantly recognizable; the same rebellious sort that came when someone nosy asked Harley what she was doing. “What about me?”

John fiddled with his phone, clipping on the magnifier lens to cover the camera. “Are you skipping work entirely, or just going in late?”

“Late. I would never skip.”

Really? Never-ever? He doubted that. “Eight hours a day, five days a week - and that’s not even counting your night gig. Doesn’t it wear on you?”

Tiffany didn’t quite seem focused on that tablet screen. “Sometimes. But last time I took time off, Bruce scolded me.”

“Do you mean he actually got angry, or he was he just like ‘Don’t be irresponsible, Tiffany. Just because my double-life allows me to up and leave work for as long as I can’t walk doesn’t mean you can take a break,’” John said in his best imitation of Bruce’s smoother-but-stern voice.

Tiffany gave a noise that might have been covering a laugh. He could see the smile on the edge of her mouth. “That does kinda sound like him.” She made a swiping gesture on the screen and looked over at him. “But it was more like he’s worried I’ll get too into the night job and go work on stuff without him.”

That wasn’t quite right. Bruce cared about people - more than likely, he just didn’t want Tiffany to get hurt or be in danger when Bruce couldn’t be around. John had caught sight of Batman staying outside of Arkham some nights when Bruce hadn’t stopped by in a couple of days, as if he was just checking up on things.

That was the type of person Bruce was - clearly it extended further where Tiffany was concerned, and she was clearly tired of hitting that ceiling.

“So, like you’re doing now?” John grinned, focusing the camera on his phone to try and zoom in as far as he could on the remains of the van in the distance. They were just high up enough to see most of the scene.

Tiffany was finally smiling. It was small and smug, but it was a definite change from the last time he saw her. It reached her dark eyes, lighting them up like a little candle in the dark. “Yup.”

John squinted at the image of the wreckage on his screen. “Yeesh, that was some firework they planted. Looks like the whole thing went up in smoke.” He zoomed in as much as he could. “Wow, the back doors are either open or gone on that thing.” The strangeness of it seemed to click the second he said it. “Or the explosion came from the inside.”

“That’s what the C.S.I. think, too,” Tiffany answered. “The glass all shattered outward; I think someone planted it there. That, or the dumbasses left the keys in the van.”

John giggled at that. “Mobsters leaving their keys behind? In Gotham? No way.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if one of the more lunkheaded ones was in charge of driving.”

“No, no, you want the people with quick reflexes to drive, not the muscle. It’s why I was the designated chauffeur for the Pact,” he said somewhat proudly, “That, and Harley liked being driven around. Said it made her feel all fancy.” He scowled to himself as he felt his gut twist at the old memory. “Though Dr. Leland thought that was just another example of her using me for her own gain...”

“You don’t still miss her, do you?” Tiffany asked, the accusatory tone lacing in between caution.

John thought. He kind of did. Not the same way he missed Bruce - not by a longshot - or the same way he missed Dr. Leland.

He shot a look at Tiffany. Were they at the point of bringing up ‘personal’ stuff yet? They’d worked together before, and they were on the same team now… He supposed that there wasn’t a better time to find out than now.

“It’s...more like I miss the fact that I could talk to her. Being in her company was easy, you know? That sort of ‘natural connection’ thing. In hindsight, there were some red flags about our whole relationship...but I can’t just pretend everything that happened between us just never happened.” He breathed out through his nostrils, already angry even though there wasn’t even a Harley there for him to be angry at. “Even if she did try to hurt Bruce.”

“And left you behind several times, tried to kill me alongside Bruce, and took advantage of you at every chance,” Tiffany said pointedly, a sardonic sort of smile perking up. “You shouldn’t just value Bruce’s life that much - you’ve got your own, you know.”

John snorted. She sounded a lot like Leland, in her own way; neither of them really quite got his relationship with Bruce. “Not much of one.” Though… “I guess it is getting a little better.”

She had that sort of pitying expression on her face. He wasn’t really a fan of those. Sympathy was fine, empathy was better - but pity? He didn’t need that. He really, really wanted to just change the subject rather than deal with any conversation pertaining to that.

“Speaking of lives, though - any idea what happened with the ship? I can still kinda see it in the harbor.”

“...how did you know about it?”

“How else? Bruce dropped by this morning.” He saw the mild bewilderment there, and decided he might as well drive the point home and make her jealous at the same time. “He always shares his case details with me. Among other things,” he added slyly. “But I had to go to work, so the conversation got cut before I could hear the juicy details. You were on patrol with him, right?”

“I wasn’t there in person,” Tiffany grumbled, going back to tapping her tablet. (What was she doing on it, anyway?) “I was using my drone from the cave, before some trigger-happy asshole took it out.”

John remembered her father had made those; no wonder she was upset. He should offer comfort. Better comfort that the last time they’d spoken about her father. He’d learned what to say since then. “I’m sorry for your loss,” he echoed with all the sincerity he could.

She looked more puzzled at that than anything, but she didn’t look more upset, so that was probably a good sign. “Uh, thanks… Anyway, Bruce saw everything - I only got the data feed from his drones.” She tapped something, and seemed to think. “You sure you wanna see this?”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t.”

“They’re pretty bad.”

He didn’t care. It wasn’t the blood or wounds that got to his head the last time he’d seen carnage second-hand; it was the ferocity, the terror on the people’s faces, the familiarity of it all that brought back the memory of the manic episode that had spiralled him to his worst point, and it made him feel very...displaced. But it wasn’t video, and John’s curiosity and his drive to help Bruce overrode everything else.

He wanted to squeeze something. He settled for putting his hands in his pockets and feeling the back of his phone case. “I can handle it.”

Tiffany turned the screen towards him. “There were eight victims. Most of them were stabbed.”

There were two men sunken in plastic chairs in the ships kitchenette, each with one of their eyes gouged out.

It was the kind of thing to put a sharp thrill in his gut and made the neurons in his brain fire away; enough to make him smile. No weapons in the wounds, and from such fun angles! “You know, I’ve always wanted to see a knife-thrower in person. I wanna find out how they do that.”

When he looked back up, Tiffany’s nose was wrinkled in the kind of stern disgust that Bruce displayed at the sight of dead bodies - only she lacked the spark of intrigue he always had. (Guess she wasn’t as far along in the training as he thought…) “Knife-throwing, huh…”

“Yeah, with reeeally long blades - I mean, I think some butter knives are big enough to hit the brain, too, but they’re probably harder to aim just right.”

Her frown deepened. “I don’t want to know how you know that…”

“It’s kind of obvious,” he answered anyway, unsure of how else he would know, “I mean, look-” He spread his thumb and forefinger to measure and held it up against his head, “it’s at least three inches to the temporal lobe; butter knives aren’t that long! Unless it’s for the world’s largest stick of butter.”

He was clearly close… Just a scoach more, and she’d surely crack. Her frown turned upside down for a little bit, there. The wall was dropping, further and further - he had to time these things just right…

Tiffany swiped on the screen, her expression souring at the sight of whatever-it-was, and his tiny hope died like a butterfly caught in a snowstorm. That was too serious a look to run with.

So he dared to scoot a little closer and peer over her shoulder, catching sight of the overhead image of the ship’s storeroom.

Four unfortunate men were laying on their backs, positioned so their arms crossed their chests like they were newly-buried pharaohs. Their heads all touched, three nestled snug together at forty-five-degree angles while the last one touched them all in the middle; a three-to-one ratio.

John itched to just grab it out of her hands to have a better look. He clenched his hands once and released halfway, forcing the impulse to pass. He didn’t want to be rude, even if they weren’t on the best of terms; and she was clearly in a rebellious streak, so acting demanding was right out. “Can I see that?” He asked instead, as politely as possible.

“Please?” He continued, seeing the morbidly-curious look in her weirded out face, “Just to check something?”

She was more guarded than ever, looking straight at the tablet in her hands...

At her right hand, just briefly, thinking back to the knife he’d plunged into it that day months and months ago, debating on whether or not she could trust him with even holding one of her tools when he’d trusted her completely back at the skyrail station -

“Alright,” she said finally, holding it out to him and letting him take it without another word of protest. He could see the faded scar on her palm, not quite identical to his. Like fraternal twins. Just how deep does that parallel go, he thought. “What are you checking?”

“The shape,” he answered, pulling open the editing menu.

He started doodling over it, first in pink - red was too close to home, in this case. A large inverted triangle...

No…a trapezoid on top of a pole, perhaps?

He switched to neon yellow. A miniature upside-down triangle, with a point down. That looked better.

He switched to green, tracing a line over each body. A trident, maybe? Maybe.

It was… Something. He’d seen it before. Somewhere, sometime…

“Have you ever seen this before?” He asked, keeping the tablet flat in between them so they could both look.

“I dunno, gang symbols? There’s a lot of weird ones around,” Tiffany said. “I know someone in the Cauldron uses some weird triangle as their tag…” She looked at him, no more wariness or caution or anything negative in her expression. Just simple curiosity. “Does it look familiar?”

A phrase he’d heard a hundred times before. Always a no. Always followed with ‘are you sure’ and more no’s and follow-ups of ‘well what can you remember?’ in that same insulting tone that tried so hard to appear inquisitive...

John drummed his fingers against the tablet, feeling the material of the reinforced case under his short fingernails. He was talking to Tiffany Fox, on top of a roof, both of them taking time out from work to look into a crime scene.

He laughed at the ludicrousness of it - she could push him off the roof or tase him or escape with a grappling hook, and she was just here talking to him, like things were actually changing.

(They were, though. He could smell the smog and the harbor. It was real.)

John let the short laugh die out with a little cough as he saw the look at Tiffany’s face.

“Sorry,” he said, being used to apologizing for causing any level of ‘disturbed concern’, “But, no, it’s, uh, more like a nagging feeling.” She didn’t seem to understand that; her brow was raised, almost skeptical instead of curious, and still unsure of him as a whole. “Déjà vu with no direction.”

Tiffany actually looked like she was thinking about it, pulling apart the words in her head… “That’s...a different way of putting it. So, you might have seen it, but you don’t know where or when?”

He rolled his eyes slightly at her. He wasn’t going to dignify that was a proper response.

“I guess I’ll look into gang symbols,” Tiffany said, carefully taking the tablet back. “I’ll go back a few years, see if someone revived an old gang or something…”

“Or they could’ve just stolen the logo,” John pointed out.

“True.” She stared down at the tablet, concentration furrowing her brow. “You know, you might be right… It is kind of that nagging feeling.”

“Speaking of nagging, you haven’t found out anything new about those Black Mask guys, have you?”

“Only that one is still missing. There weren’t any tire tracks or bullets casings left behind, so whoever killed them made a clean getaway…” She cast a look over at the crime scene in the distance. “At least until I get the footage back from the broken drone. It might have picked up something.”

John hummed. A rival gang on the hunt - they would likely send whatever pieces were left to Black Mask. “Were they found the same way?”

“No. The members we found were all shot.”

Interesting! “Head or torso?”

“Does that really matter?”

“Depends on how sloppy our killer was!”

“...I don’t know how you’re so enthusiastic about this,” Tiffany grumbled, eyeing him scrupulously.

“Oh, come on, Tiff’, crime’s my specialty! We’re investigating a potential gang war, here - if it’s mostly headshots, it’s professional executions, which means a rival mafia sending a message; if it’s torsos it’s more likely to be newbies.” he thought for a moment. “Unless it’s the Corazón troupe, of course. But I’m pretty sure they’re all dead. Or really old.”

It was clear to see she hadn’t thought of that. “I’d say it looked like upper-body shots from the pictures I saw last night. I don’t have those handy, though. I’ll bring it up with Bruce.”

Hm. Hm, hm, hm. The van exploding, the crew ending up dead with only one missing as a hostage or informant - it sounded too much like a professional job. Someone planned it carefully. So why did one group get stabbed, and another shot? And why were the knife marks so precise when the shots were… Well, they could be precise. He’d have to see the pictures. Or at least hear of it.

“Speaking of him, I gotta go. I don’t want to be too late,” Tiffany said, tucking her tablet away.

“Ooh, before you do-” John quickly opened a new contact page and pushed the phone at her - “here, I don’t want to have to surprise you every time I see you.” There was the small chance she’d take it and throw it over the building, or slap it out of his hand, or just give him that weirded-out look she got sometimes or -

Tiffany defied the anxious conspiracies his brain was spinning; she took the phone and dutifully punched the number in, handing it back without any kind of strange look. “I better not find myself added to any weird listings,” she said jokingly, offering a small smile. A peace offering.

“Not even cute cat videos?” He teased, adding the fox and computer emoticons to the end of her name.

“I’ve already got a playlist on UBox for that,” Tiffany shrugged, heading back towards the fire escape. “’Bye, John.”

“’Bye, Tiff’,” he echoed, thinking for a second, “I’ll let you know if I find anything.”

She blinked, turning for a moment, her hands already on the ladder railing. “You think you can find something from the inside of the halfway house?”

She was underestimating him. It was an advantage sometimes, but mostly it just annoyed him. He wasn’t anywhere close to Bruce – a man of the world in every sense – but he did have some physical power and brains and could put things together when they interested him enough. “You think that could stop me?” He answered, thinking back to every little secret he ever learned within the padded walls of his former home. “I’ve got my ways, Tiff’ – I have access to stuff you and Bruce could only dream about.”

He saw the wariness return on her face. She was unsure of what he knew and how he knew it, and just what he did to get people to talk, or what he did to take.

But like hell he’d tell her. She wouldn’t get it. Not now, at least. Maybe someday. “Be careful out there,” he added, letting the seriousness sink in before turning back into something more optimistic for both their sakes, “and have a good day at work!”

Tiffany left his view, and John cast one more look out at the crime scene in the distance.

At least he had some new things to think about at all hours of the day. Two groups of filthy criminals pitted against each other over their petty toys, unaware that Batman would be hell-bent on stopping it, using his loyal assistants who were waiting and watching from the shadows for help…

But the questions were what their precious toys were, and when and how Black Mask would get revenge – and figuring all that out would be easy once John could pinpoint who the rival group was.

How fun!

Notes: Yes, Bruce might be the main character, but relationships work both ways - John is his own person regardless of what their relationship is like, so we get to see his life, too! (Yes, that means even if he’s a villain - though he’d probably start at a hideout rather than the halfway house, considering TT wouldn’t be likely to let him have any kind of redemption arc. But we have nothing to hold us back anymore! No bars, no chains, no gods, no masters!!! So villain!John can have a redemption arc too if you want, probably starting back in season 3 and continuing on here, because he’s an ill man who needs a support system and you can make it however you want!! Fight me, TT!!!! Oh wait, you can’t! Ahahahahahahaha!!!!!!)

(You’ll still be missed by us all. Thanks for the fun and new beginnings, TellTale… I hope you know my teasing comes from [mostly] love.)

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to have some new mechanics, so “drawing” and “photography” are now things “the player” can do practically free-style! And of course a big new addition is also “character perspective swap”, to focus on John for some of the time so “the player” can experience different sides of this story. And of course John’s choices affect the story, too! And depending on what you do with him…wait, that’s spoiler territory…I can’t tell you yet... You’ll have to wait along with me. But I pinky-swear it’ll be worth it. (｡•̀ᴗ-)b✧

I try to provide updates on tumblr/my Ao3 profile but nothing is guaranteed, so subscribing/bookmarking would be ideal for you to keep current! I hope to see you April 17 for our next look into this case! (･ω´-ゞ)^☆

#ttoj #season 4 #bttts s4 #batman the telltale series #telltale batjokes #john doe #batjokes #blood tw #corpse tw #mental illness #today was stressful omfg #i feel bad that this is late #at least i managed to perfect it before i left work #reblogs are love #so are likes!!!#💜💜💜#the tolls of justice

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mydarlingfilm · 3 years

Text

TIME DOESN’T HEAL

This is going to be a very long post and I would love to read it over and over again. It was painful and timeless at the same time. This conversation is hold between an Rolling stone and Pk.

In her first-ever in-depth interview, Michael Jackson's daughter discusses her father's pain and finding peace after addiction and heartache

Paris-Michael Katherine Jackson is staring at a famous corpse. "That's Marilyn Monroe," she whispers, facing a wall covered with gruesome autopsy photos. "And that's JFK. You can't even find these online." On a Thursday afternoon in late November, Paris is making her way through the Museum of Death, a cramped maze of formaldehyde-scented horrors on Hollywood Boulevard. It's not uncommon for visitors, confronted with decapitation photos, snuff films and serial-killer memorabilia, to faint, vomit or both. But Paris, not far removed from the emo and goth phases of her earlier teens, seems to find it all somehow soothing. This is her ninth visit. "It's awesome," she had said on the way over. "They have a real electric chair and a real head!"

Paris Jackson turned 18 last April, and moment by moment, can come across as much older or much younger, having lived a life that's veered between sheltered and agonizingly exposed. She is a pure child of the 21st century, with her mashed-up hippie-punk fashion sense (today she's wearing a tie-dye button-down, jeggings and Converse high-tops) and boundary-free musical tastes (she's decorated her sneakers with lyrics by Mötley Crüe and Arctic Monkeys; is obsessed with Alice Cooper – she calls him "bae" – and the singer-songwriter Butch Walker; loves Nirvana and Justin Bieber too). But she is, even more so, her father's child. "Basically, as a person, she is who my dad is," says her older brother, Prince Michael Jackson. "The only thing that's different would be her age and her gender." Paris is similar to Michael, he adds, "in all of her strengths, and almost all of her weaknesses as well. She's very passionate. She is very emotional to the point where she can let emotion cloud her judgment."

Paris has, with impressive speed, acquired more than 50 tattoos, sneaking in the first few while underage. Nine of them are devoted to Michael Jackson, who died when she was 11 years old, sending her, Prince and their youngest brother, Blanket, spiraling out of what had been – as they perceived it – a cloistered, near-idyllic little world. "They always say, 'Time heals,'" she says. "But it really doesn't. You just get used to it. I live life with the mentality of 'OK, I lost the only thing that has ever been important to me.' So going forward, anything bad that happens can't be nearly as bad as what happened before. So I can handle it." Michael still visits her in her dreams, she says: "I feel him with me all the time."

Michael, who saw himself as Peter Pan, liked to call his only daughter Tinker Bell. She has FAITH, TRUST AND PIXIE DUST inked near her clavicle. She has an image from the cover of Dangerous on her forearm, the Bad logo on her hand, and the words QUEEN OF MY HEART – in her dad's handwriting, from a letter he wrote her – on her inner left wrist. "He's brought me nothing but joy," she says. "So why not have constant reminders of joy?"

She fixes her huge blue-green eyes on each of the museum's attractions without flinching, until she comes to a section of taxidermied pets. "I don't really like this room," she says, wrinkling her nose. "I draw the line with animals. I can't do it. This breaks my heart." She recently rescued a hyperactive pit-bull-mix puppy, Koa, who has an uneasy coexistence with Kenya, a snuggly Labrador her dad brought home a decade ago.

Paris describes herself as "desensitized" to even the most graphic reminders of human mortality. In June 2013, drowning in depression and a drug addiction, she tried to kill herself at age 15, slashing her wrist and downing 20 Motrin pills. "It was just self-hatred," she says, "low self-esteem, thinking that I couldn't do anything right, not thinking I was worthy of living anymore." She had been self-harming, cutting herself, managing to conceal it from her family. Some of her tattoos now cover the scars, as well as what she says are track marks from drug use. Before that, she had already attempted suicide "multiple times," she says, with an incongruous laugh. "It was just once that it became public." The hospital had a "three-strike rule," she recalls, and, after that last attempt, insisted she attend a residential therapy program.

Home-schooled before her father's death, Paris had agreed to attend a private school starting in seventh grade. She didn't fit in – at all – and started hanging out with the only kids who accepted her, "a lot of older people doing a lot of crazy things," she says. "I was doing a lot of things that 13-, 14-, 15-year-olds shouldn't do. I tried to grow up too fast, and I wasn't really that nice of a person." She also faced cyberbullying, and still struggles with cruel online comments. "The whole freedom-of-speech thing is great," she says. "But I don't think that our Founding Fathers predicted social media when they created all of these amendments and stuff."

There was another trauma that she's never mentioned in public. When she was 14, a much older "complete stranger" sexually assaulted her, she says. "I don't wanna give too many details. But it was not a good experience at all, and it was really hard for me, and, at the time, I didn't tell anybody."

After her last suicide attempt, she spent sophomore year and half of junior year at a therapeutic school in Utah. "It was great for me," she says. "I'm a completely different person." Before, she says with a small smile, "I was crazy. I was actually crazy. I was going through a lot of, like, teen angst. And I was also dealing with my depression and my anxiety without any help." Her father, she says, also struggled with depression, and she was prescribed the same antidepressants he once took, though she's no longer on any psych meds.

Now sober and happier than she's ever been, with menthol cigarettes her main remaining vice, Paris moved out of her grandma Katherine's house shortly after her 18th birthday, heading to the old Jackson family estate. She spends nearly every minute of each day with her boyfriend, Michael Snoddy, a 26-year-old drummer – he plays with the percussion ensemble Street Drum Corps – and Virginia native whose dyed mohawk, tattoos and perpetually sagging pants don't obscure boy-band looks and a puppy-dog sweetness. "I never met anyone before who made me feel the way music makes me feel," says Paris. When they met, he had an ill-considered, now-covered Confederate flag tattoo that raised understandable doubts among the Jacksons. "But the more I actually got to know him," says Prince, "he's a really cool guy."

Paris took a quick stab at community college after graduating high school – a year early – in 2015, but wasn't feeling it. She is an heir to a mammoth fortune – the Michael Jackson Family Trust is likely worth more than $1 billion, with disbursements to the kids in stages. But she wants to earn her own money, and now that she's a legal adult, to embrace her other inheritance: celebrity.

And in the end, as the charismatic, beautiful daughter of one of the most famous men who ever lived, what choice did she have? She is, for now, a model, an actress, a work in progress. She can, when she feels like it, exhibit a regal poise that's almost intimidating, while remaining chill enough to become pals with her giant-goateed tattoo artist. She has impeccable manners – you might guess that she was raised well. She so charmed producer-director Lee Daniels in a recent meeting that he's begun talking to her manager about a role for her on his Fox show, Star . She plays a few instruments, writes and sings songs (she performs a couple for me on acoustic guitar, and they show promise, though they're more Laura Marling than MJ), but isn't sure if she'll ever pursue a recording contract.

Modeling, in particular, comes naturally, and she finds it therapeutic. "I've had self-esteem issues for a really, really long time," says Paris, who understands her dad's plastic-surgery choices after watching online trolls dissect her appearance since she was 12. "Plenty of people think I'm ugly, and plenty of people don't. But there's a moment when I'm modeling where I forget about my self-esteem issues and focus on what the photographer's telling me – and I feel pretty. And in that sense, it's selfish."

But mostly, she shares her father's heal-the-world impulses ("I'm really scared for the Great Barrier Reef," she says. "It's, like, dying. This whole planet is. Poor Earth, man"), and sees fame as a means to draw attention to favored causes. "I was born with this platform," she says. "Am I gonna waste it and hide away? Or am I going to make it bigger and use it for more important things?"

Her dad wouldn't have minded. "If you wanna be bigger than me, you can," he'd tell her. "If you don't want to be at all, you can. But I just want you to be happy."

At the moment, Paris lives in the private studio where her dad demoed "Beat It." The Tudor-style main house in the now-empty Jackson family compound in the LA neighborhood of Encino – purchased by Joe Jackson in 1971 with some of the Jackson 5's first Motown royalties, and rebuilt by Michael in the Eighties – is under renovation. But the studio, built by Michael in a brick building across the courtyard, happens to be roughly the size of a decent Manhattan apartment, with its own kitchen and bathroom. Paris has turned it into a vibe-y, cozy dorm room.

Traces of her father are everywhere, most unmistakably in the artwork he commissioned. Outside the studio is a framed picture, done in a Disney-like style, of a cartoon castle on a hilltop with a caricatured Michael in the foreground, a small blond boy embracing him.It's captioned "Of Children, Castles & Kings." Inside is a mural taking up an entire wall, with another cartoon Michael in the corner, holding a green book titled The Secret of Life and looking down from a window at blooming flowers – at the center of each bloom is a cartoon face of a red-cheeked little girl.

Above an adjacent garage is a mini-museum Michael created as a surprise gift for his family, with the walls and even ceilings covered with photos from their history. Michael used to rehearse dance moves in that room; now Paris' boyfriend has his drum kit set up there.

We head out to a nearby sushi restaurant, and Paris starts to describe life in Neverland. She spent her first seven years in her dad's 2,700-acre fantasy world, with its own amusement park, zoo and movie theater. ("Everything I never got to do as a kid," Michael called it.) During that time, she didn't know that her father's name was Michael, let alone have any grasp of his fame. "I just thought his name was Dad, Daddy," she says. "We didn't really know who he was. But he was our world. And we were his world." (Paris declared last year's Captain Fantastic , where Viggo Mortensen plays an eccentric dad who tries to create a utopian hideaway for his kids, her "favorite movie ever.")

We couldn't just go on the rides whenever we wanted to," she recalls, walking on a dark roadside near the Encino compound. She likes to stride along the lane divider, too close to the cars – it drives her boyfriend crazy, and I don't much like it either. "We actually had a pretty normal life. Like, we had school every single day, and we had to be good. And if we were good, every other weekend or so, we could choose whether we were gonna go to the movie theater or see the animals or whatever. But if you were on bad behavior, then you wouldn't get to go do all those things."

In his 2011 memoir, Michael's brother Jermaine called him "an example of what fatherhood should be. He instilled in them the love Mother gave us, and he provided the kind of emotional fathering that our father, through no fault of his own, could not. Michael was father and mother rolled into one."

Michael gave the kids the option of going to regular school. They declined. "When you're at home," says Paris, "your dad, who you love more than anything, will occasionally come in, in the middle of class, and it's like, 'Cool, no more class for the day. We're gonna go hang out with Dad.' We were like, 'We don't need friends. We've got you and Disney Channel!'" She was, she acknowledges, "a really weird kid."

Her dad taught her how to cook, soul food, mostly. "He was a kick-ass cook," she says. "His fried chicken is the best in the world. He taught me how to make sweet potato pie." Paris is baking four pies, plus gumbo, for grandma Katherine's Thanksgiving – which actually takes place the day before the holiday, in deference to Katherine's Jehovah's Witness beliefs.

Michael schooled Paris on every conceivable genre of music. "My dad worked with Van Halen, so I got into Van Halen," she says."He worked with Slash, so I got into Guns N' Roses. He introduced me to Tchaikovsky and Debussy, Earth, Wind and Fire, the Temptations, Tupac, Run-DMC."

"His number-one focus for us," says Paris, "besides loving us, was education. And he wasn't like, 'Oh, yeah, mighty Columbus came to this land!' He was like, 'No. He fucking slaughtered the natives.'" Would he really phrase it that way? "He did have kind of a potty mouth. He cussed like a sailor." But he was also "very shy."

Paris and Prince are quite aware of public doubts about their parentage (the youngest brother, Blanket, with his darker skin, is the subject of less speculation). Paris' mom is Debbie Rowe, a nurse Michael met while she was working for his dermatologist, the late Arnold Klein. They had what sounds like an unconventional three-year marriage, during which, Rowe once testified, they never shared a home. Michael said that Rowe wanted to have his children "as a present" to him. (Rowe said that Paris got her name from the location of her conception.) Klein, her employer, was one of several men – including the actor Mark Lester, who played the title role in the 1968 movie Oliver! – who suggested that they could be Paris' actual biological father.

Over popcorn shrimp and a Clean Mean Salmon Roll, Paris agrees to address this issue for what she says will be the only time. She could opt for an easy, logical answer, could point out that it doesn't matter, that either way, Michael Jackson was her father. That's what her brother – who describes himself as "more objective" than Paris – seems to suggest. "Every time someone asks me that," Prince says, "I ask, 'What's the point? What difference does it make?' Specifically to someone who's not involved in my life. How does that affect your life? It doesn't change mine."

But Paris is certain that Michael Jackson was her biological dad. She believes it with a fervency that is both touching and, in the moment, utterly convincing. "He is my father," she says, making fierce eye contact. "He will always be my father. He never wasn't, and he never will not be. People that knew him really well say they see him in me, that it's almost scary.

"I consider myself black," she says, adding later that her dad "would look me in the eyes and he'd point his finger at me and he'd be like, 'You're black. Be proud of your roots.' And I'd be like, 'OK, he's my dad, why would he lie to me?' So I just believe what he told me. 'Cause, to my knowledge, he's never lied to me.

"Most people that don't know me call me white," Paris concedes. "I've got light skin and, especially since I've had my hair blond, I look like I was born in Finland or something." She points out that it's far from unheard of for mixed-race kids to look like her – accurately noting that her complexion and eye color are similar to the TV actor Wentworth Miller's, who has a black dad and a white mom.

At first, she had no relationship with Rowe. "When I was really, really young, my mom didn't exist," Paris recalls. Eventually, she realized "a man can't birth a child" – and when she was 10 or so, she asked Prince, "We gotta have a mom, right?" So she asked her dad. "And he's like, 'Yeah.' And I was like, 'What's her name?' And he's just like, 'Debbie.' And I was like, 'OK, well, I know the name.'" After her father's death, she started researching her mom online, and they got together when Paris was 13.

In the wake of her treatment in Utah, Paris decided to reach out again to Rowe. "She needed a mother figure," says Prince, who declines to comment on his own relationship, or lack thereof, with Rowe. (Paris' manager declined to make Rowe available for an interview, and Rowe did not respond to our request for comment.) "I've had a lot of mother figures," Paris counters, citing her grandmother and nannies, among others, "but by the time my mom came into my life, it wasn't a 'mommy' thing. It's more of an adult relationship." Paris sees herself in Rowe, who just completed a course of chemo in a fight against breast cancer: "We're both very stubborn."

Paris Jackson was around nine years old when she realized that much of the world didn't see her father the way she did. "My dad would cry to me at night," she says, sitting at the counter of a New York coffee shop in mid-December, cradling a tiny spoon in her hand. She starts to cry too. "Picture your parent crying to you about the world hating him for something he didn't do. And for me, he was the only thing that mattered. To see my entire world in pain, I started to hate the world because of what they were doing to him. I'm like, 'How can people be so mean?'" She pauses. "Sorry, I'm getting emotional."

Paris and Prince have no doubts that their father was innocent of the multiple child-molestation allegations against him, that the man they knew was the real Michael. Again, they are persuasive – if they could go door-to-door talking about it, they could sway the world."Nobody but my brothers and I experienced him reading A Light in the Attic to us at night before we went to bed," says Paris."Nobody experienced him being a father to them. And if they did, the entire perception of him would be completely and forever changed." I gently suggest that what Michael said to her on those nights was a lot to put on a nine-year-old. "He did not bullshit us," she replies. "You try to give kids the best childhood possible. But you also have to prepare them for the shitty world."

Michael's 2005 molestation trial ended in an acquittal, but it shattered his reputation and altered the course of his family's lives. He decided to leave Neverland for good. They spent the next four years traveling the world, spending long stretches of time in the Irish countryside, in Bahrain, in Las Vegas. Paris didn't mind – it was exciting, and home was where her dad was.

By 2009, Michael was preparing for an ambitious slate of comeback performances at London's O2 Arena. "He kind of hyped it up to us," recalls Paris. "He was like, 'Yeah, we're gonna live in London for a year.' We were super-excited – we already had a house out there we were gonna live in." But Paris remembers his "exhaustion" as rehearsals began. "I'd tell him, 'Let's take a nap,'" she says."Because he looked tired. We'd be in school, meaning downstairs in the living room, and we'd see dust falling from the ceiling and hear stomping sounds because he was rehearsing upstairs."

Paris has a lingering distaste for AEG Live, the promoters behind the planned This Is It tour – her family lost a wrongful-death suit against them, with the jury accepting AEG's argument that Michael was responsible for his own death. "AEG Live does not treat their performers right," she alleges. "They drain them dry and work them to death." (A rep for AEG declined comment.) She describes seeing Justin Bieber on a recent tour and being "scared" for him. "He was tired, going through the motions. I looked at my ticket, saw AEG Live, and I thought back to how my dad was exhausted all the time but couldn't sleep."

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thekintsugikids · 4 years

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ok so i KNOW this is dumb but i need to rant.

so i watched the new riverdale (which is probably more than enough of a reason for any of you to not read this and trust me—i understand). and ho. ly. shit. i have genuinely NEVER been so mad at a tv show in my whole fucking life.

i’ll admit here and now that i still watch riverdale, because i am unwaveringly stubborn and i’m seeing this shit show through to the end. so things that seem, from a surface level, pretty genuine, anger me more than they should because i know the context of this bullshit. which means that, if you’re reading this, you’ll have to hear all of that shit so i can fully explain my anger.

so the episode is like. almost entirely based around the high school’s guidance counselor (who everyone is conveniently going to for therapy, even a character who goes to another school, but i can’t even be mad at riverdale for using a shitty mcguffin like that. it should be expected) where all the kids talk about their fucked up lives. that’s cool, i can accept that. riverdale does some dumb shit, but if they’d just done a psychological deep dive into their characters after all the trauma they’ve been through over the course of two and a half years? sure. I’ll bite. but this is riverdale, a show that somehow seems to be written by teenage interns who have never written a script in their life and 40-somethings who have never met real teens in their lives, so that’s not what we got. no, what we did get was this shitty school counselor listening to the characters unload genuine emotional trauma about their parents, and hear the counselor basically say, “they’re just trying to protect you.”

now allow me to explain why that is absolute fucking bullshit.

Betty’s mom forced herself into her daughter’s counseling session, because Alice ran to the high school guidance counselor to ask how she should deal with her daughter being sexually actively—which already, big fucking yikes. after a couple of minutes of back and forth about how Betty is being denied by her dream college because she’s having sex and irresponsibly disregarding her future in doing so (which again, huge red flag but let’s put that on the back burner for like two seconds). the counselor decides that they should do a joint session to work some shit out. ok. fine. whatever. moving on.

Betty says her mom lying to her whole life impacted her negatively. which yeah, that actually makes sense. in less than two years her mother went undercover with the fbi and joined a cult, without telling her own child that she at least didn’t believe in what the cult preached, gave away all the money she had saved for college to said cult, and was working with her half brother who Betty believed was dead (this is riverdale it’s a lot to unpack and i don’t blame you if you stop here bc ive been watching this show since 2017 and im still confused when i read that). she also had Betty’s sister committed to the sisters of quiet mercy, which is basically a disciplinary school for literally anything and everything under the sun (pregnant teenagers, mentally ill children, and conversion therapy are a few things we’ve seen it used for), and didn’t tell Betty that her sister was there, or that she was pregnant. her parents let her believe that her sister was a drug addict in rehab, because that was better than anyone knowing their daughter was pregnant, and then ofc that Alice reads her diary because she refuses to let her daughter have any semblance of privacy. keep in mind, this whole episode started with Alice opening Betty’s mail, seeing that she didn’t get accepted to Yale, and telling her that she searched her room to see “what could be distracting her from her future” (and then gets mad at her for having birth control). her mother says, “I just wanted to protect you.” okay, fine. whatever, that’s total bullshit, but fine.

but then!!! she has a breakdown about how she wants Betty to be better and she’s scared of her growing up and she just wants her to be safe which. ok. ok. ok. shut up. she’s said this EVERY. SEASON. OF THE SHOW. how many times can she say the exact same thing and never learn from it? but Betty isn’t having that shit, she’s been dealing w this shit for so long and she’s done, right? she’s growing up, and her mom would have to be incredibly naive to think that she could just stop that, especially when they are living w her bf’s family. like yeah, they live together. they share a room. they’re teenagers, they’re gonna have sex. who. fucking. cares. her mom then tells Betty that it’s because she’s her favorite child, which........Yikes. and the scene ends.

the weird thing is like.....we’re meant to sympathize with Alice??? after everything she has done—much of which i didn’t touch on—because.............Betty’s her favorite child?????? that’s???????? SUPPOSED TO JUSTIFY THE THINGS SHE DOES?????????? no no no NO what the fuck is THAT manipulative bullshit?? what the fuck. i can’t even think of anything else to say about that, what the actual fuck.

but the real kicker ooooooooh bitch. it’s the end of the episode, with Jughead. many other things happen between the Betty’s session and Jughead’s, but they don’t necessarily fit into what I’m trying to say so I won’t be talking about it. but holy shit the things she said to Jughead? for context, Jughead’s father is an abusive piece of shit. he has gotten violent with his own son, threatened him, abandoned him for his gang when the rest of their family moved out of state to get away from him (Jughead’s dad), and he is an alcoholic who did things like getting drunk at Jughead’s 15th birthday party, and that’s just the cliff notes version. basically he’s a grade-a abusive asshole, which is a field i am well-versed in.

FP, Jughead’s father, says that his father was an abusive drunk, so obvs the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. one of the the biggest issues with this show, though, is that they refuse to acknowledge that FP himself is abusive. like, even writers of the show have said that he is not abusive, even saying that viewers were ignorant to believe that he is (and as someone with an abusive father, first of all, fuck you). and Jughead is on a mission this entire season to prove that his grandfather was some great writer or whatever and his work was stolen from him.

now, how exactly does any of that relate to the discussion at hand?, you might be asking. well he’s at riverdale high to get his transcripts or whatever bc he’s at a new school and they’re all assholes (no, im not going into further explanation of that because there is way too much to unpack). so he’s w the guidance counselor, they talk about it and she has the fucking gall to say, “but think about how your father must feel about all of this???” which, okay, i see where she might be coming from. FP was abused by his dad. but Jughead is also abused by FP, so why the fuck should he worry about whether or not he’s hurting his father? FP irreparably damaged Jughead—I promise you all that being homeless, being hit and threatened by your father, being abandoned by your entire family? that’s not shit you can repair. you don’t just fix that shit. that stays with you.

the counselor tells Jughead that he should be proud of the man his father worked to become (like he isn’t still horrible to Jughead????? for example, forcing him to go to a school that he does not want to go to because it makes their family look better??? ok), she says FP is just supporting his son. and the real kicker—she says, “and you repay him by going on this quest to prove that the man that caused him immeasurable pain is some kind of wronged hero? how do you think that makes him feel?” (that is the quote verbatim, by the way. that is what she says so Jughead)

like FP has earned something from Jughead. like Jughead is in the wrong for not wanting his name to be seen as a joke. no, this is how you repay him for everything he did for you. FP abused his son. it’s literally that fucking simple. and Jughead didn’t even want to talk to this lady, she forced him into the conversation while he waited for fucking transcripts so he could apply to colleges. and we, the audience, are supposed to be on the counselor’s side. we’re supposed to say “yeah Jughead, look at everything your dad has done for you! he loves you!!”

Jughead even says it himself. “My poor dad. I’m so selfish.” like his dad deserves his respect. like he earned Jughead’s respect. like FP deserves a single goddamn thing from his son.

keep in mind, this is a show that’s biggest demographic is people under 20 and they are basically telling their audience that their parent’s abuse is just because they’re “protective” or because they’re “trying to help them.” guess what, that’s not fucking true. if your parent, or ANYONE, is abusing you, it is because they are fucked up. it is not because they love you, it’s not because they “want what’s best for you.” and how dare anyone, let alone fucking Riverdale, try to tell me that it is. no, as someone with an abusive father, i fucking promise you, this shit is not out of love. abuse is not love. and fuck Riverdale for trying to tell me that it is.

#i put the whole thing in a read more link bc it includes personal shit that i dont want a bunch of ppl to just like. see.#and it focuses HEAVILY on the topic of abuse so pls do not read it if that makes you uncomfortable #also its v long #like. very. very long.#so if literally no one reads it thats fine #it probably doesnt make a whole lot of sense but i just kind of needed to unload my thoughts because i am so genuinely upset #k anyway bye #also please #don't reblog #for the love of god please dont or i will delete the whole goddamn thing

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g5b3ysjw-blog · 5 years

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survivormongolia · 6 years

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Episode 2: “I was prepared to come in this game and slay.” - Madison

ok well... none of us were voted out which is alright i guess but we are literally not winning this immunity with gloria and patricia on our tribe.... like no offense to them but they finna submit like 20 thinking its a good score like arghhh its whatever tho bc im going to get the highest on the tribe so if they vote me out theyre literally the dumbest people ive ever met. if we lose, i truly dont think im going anywhere bc i have 3 people im genuinely friends with and ive been having good convos with dennis and brian... wow i cant believe im aligning with mostly men

me as soon as i saw the blog for the game: "i should check the rules page, i know some hosts are sneaky & hide advantages in there"

me: everything looks a-ok to me!!!!

hosts: make sure you check the rules page!!!

me: hmmm seems fishy, let me check again!!!

me: nope, nothing ot the the blue

me: tells dan about the advantage in the results post

dan: something looked fishy to me in the rules page, but i tried to right-click and nothing worked, let me check again

dan: omg. it took me to the same page as the results

me: wow. i truly am a useless piece of garbage

ok im back and i found out more info. so apparently gloria has been on call with dennis AND francie which means they dont play around. i think theyre being really social with everyone and i KNOW francie has amanda and emily on the other tribe so im actually really worried about them. i have talked to them a lot and i feel like i wouldnt be their first target but maybe randy or madison would be?? idk. if we dont win this immunity it wont be the worst thing in the world bc everyone agreed to patricia last week so might as well try again this round ig. i talked to randy and he's on the same page and also is afraid of francie and dennis being really social so hopefully once our tribe gets down to 7 or 8, the 4 of us (madison, randy, tj) would be majority. i really trust tj and he always keeps me updated but... he has a mind of his own and i wont be surprised if he wouldnt be down to do one of them. btw ill probably make a podcast or a video dr tomorrow if i find more tea...

I’m not going to do as well on this challenge as my tribe mates I don’t think. So now, of course, I’m thinking about tribal last night and how I was asked about the first challenge and I was like “yeah keep me around bc I can help in challenges.” That’s not going to be good for now. I’m going to do my best given the calculus and government homework I have for tomorrow (EW). I’m also thinking about the game as a whole. I want to put myself in a position of power wherein I can be a big part of strategy and make notable moves while also not flagging myself as someone “running the game” (lol like that’ll happen) or someone who’s too big of a threat to stay. This involves identifying larger threats than myself and locking them out before anyone knocks me out etc. There’s a bullseye; let me find my quiver. This is also probably the last confessional I’ll make ‘til after the challenge because why spend time confessing when you can find invisible cows. (I’m on the way to school and confessing on my phone. No, I’m not the one driving. I may confess at lunch or study hall if anything worth confessing happens between now and then.)

Okay so I went back and checked the other posts and there wasn’t anything around. But when the new immunity challenge was posted, there was the same link hidden on the post. I sent it to my host chat and nothing. I noticed after I sent it that the link wasn’t hidden on the new challenge post anymore, but the previous ones are still there. Interesting….

So the Fans went to tribal and we were hoping that by sending Jon to Exile, they would vote out Randy and it would keep an inactive around to help them flop more. However, Jon struck out and was med-evac’d. Great. So now the Fans are gonna go super hard on this challenge since they basically got a free pass. This challenge, by the way…. Shout out to Drew. I hate this challenge. Invisible Cows can die, all of them. I told my tribe to make the window as small as possible so the cows have less places to hide, and I think its working out for everyone, so hopefully we can do this. I’m just worried because I know Madison on the other tribe just played this game in a challenge not too long ago and if she tells them about the trick then we are basically on even playing ground. Im at 800 right now and my goal is to get to 1500 but we will see.

I’m still trying to figure out my social game. Usually in games, I form some kind of alliance within the first 48 hours and generally keep up appearances with everyone. I want to do things differently this game. While I am still trying to be friendly and talk to people, I dont want to be the one to hold all the conversations. I’m having trouble keeping a conversation with Asa and Ian and Nicholas, but everyone else I’ve had at least a 10 minute conversation or longer every day. Colin has already suggested voting out Asa if we go to tribal because he’s talked to her the least. He says that me and him are good and I’m glad for that. I really like Colin. And I know that Emily will have my back, at least in the tribal portion of the game. Last night, Dan, Lindsay, and I formed an alliance. Finally! I really like Lindsay and we danced around forming an official alliance with each other for 3 days, and Dan and I have talked a lot, so I’m really glad this happened. With this alliance, and my bond with Colin and my relationship with Emily, I feel like I’ll be okay should we go to tribal. I’m hoping we don’t have to… here’s hoping we can find more cows than the Fans..

https://youtu.be/D45IAXpUHyA

This challenge is cute! And also my tribe is just Slaying this challenge. I love this tribe, we're stacked as hell djkfgfh

Oh well fuck. Well I was middle of the road with the scores so I didn’t go from top score to lowest ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it still fucking sucks though. I hope enough people are down with the plan from the last round depending on who gets exiled.

Temujin exiling Patricia was the obvious move—keep the lowest challenger in the game and force the losing tribe to send a better challenge player home, increasing the likelihood of them returning to tribal—and from a strategic standpoint I have to give them a bit of credit but being on the tribe that’s getting screwed over? Fuck this.

So I'm in the predicament of which alliance to throw under the fucking bus, I should've been quiet about the group to Julia Rae and Madison. Best person to go home would be Brian or Randy, for my own personal benefit

Wow, so I don't know if you managed to see that but I told Julia Rae and Madison about GloForce...and then switch them to Brian

Wow this tribe really is doing that. I get a bad feeling we’re gonna get swap-fucked somehow. I guess now that its been a few days I can give my opinions on people a little more.

I get strange vibes from Amanda and Dan. I feel like they’re close just by interactions they have in the tribe chat. They both also seem like the type to be cutthroat. I think I’m in good with them tho so as long as I’m not doing anything shady they might not target me, since I have a feeling they’ll be the ones trying to lead the first few votes when/if we go to tribal.

I get good vibes from Emily, Asa, Quillyn, and Lindsey. They seem pretty trustworthy and easy to work with.

As far as Nicholas, Ian, and Colin go, I don’t really have any connection with them but I’mma try talking to them more while things are easy and peaceful so they would be hesitant to vote out me over someone else.

I’m really curious as to who got the secret advantage. I’m mad as hell that I didn’t get it but oh well. I feel like if anyone got it it was probably on the faves tribe, cause I feel like the fans aren’t putting in all that much effort or reading into things as much as an experienced player might. I’m glad to have been the one to publicly expose the advantage because I want whoever got it to be on their toes and that they’ll have to be more cautious and stressed about trying to do things involving it. They probably think no one is paying attention but I have eyes in the webcams on their computers. I see them.

Temujin won the second immunity and I'm very pleased with that as we are all getting along fine, but for how long? Eventually we will have to turn on each other and vote one of us out. My job is to just make sure it's not me, pre merge portion of the game I aim for a good score but not the best of unbeatable score. The sweet spot is upper middle, you are seen that you can be beat in individual challenges yet good enough to want to keep around for a strong pre merge tribe

Also i feel like horse culture is important?? Like idk why the hosts wouldn't just put a keyboard smash url or make the url (survivormongolia.com/secret-advantage). Like horse culture must mean something. I wish I was one of those girls in middle school who put horse stickers on all their supplies. I feel like maybe I could better understand horse culture and what this could mean. But just know i have made a mental sticky note saying "HORSE CULTURE" in bold sharpie.

Allow me to explain why Brian being voted off would be a fucking stupid idea or Julia and Madison, so if me, Julia, Madison, or Randy gets sent to exile and Patricia is gonna come back in our place just how well do you think that's gonna play out. Patricia isn't stupid and probably knows she was gonna get the boot...this time atleast. With the scores brian and randy have been producing it'd probably be them getting booted next, at this point I'm trying to stall...

I'm glad we won another immunity! although I'm getting sick of the fake sweetness of our tribe like nobody actually likes each other that much and that will show once we end up losing one of these challenges. I'm really tired of the passive aggressive competitiveness of some of these people too like, we can just all support each other and not like try to put people down who can't get as high of a score on a shitty flash game? I'm hoping for an early swap honestly I would definitely want to try working with some of these fans over the people on my tribe who I just can't seem to connect with.

So. Jon went to exile Island and got his 3rd strike. That was great, because he would've been voted off anyways.

Then the next challenge happened and disaster struck. First off, I love that minigame but holy shit, it drives some1 crazy UNLESS YOUR NAME IS MADISON AND YOU ACTUALLY FIND A TRICK TO SPEED UP THE PROCESS BUT THEN PROCEED TO NOT TELL ANY1. Eitherway I spend around 3 hours during all my exams and papers, that are due, to find stupid 800 cows until I was about to go to bed, wher TJ told me a trick to boost up my score. So I did that and brought it up to 1100 by another 20 min but that wasn't enough by FAR. The rest of the tribe decided that 300 or 600 is enough. Obviously we couldn't know how much the other tribe was getting, but after seeing that easy trick everyone could've atleast aimed for 1000.

We lose the challenge, they pick Patricia, which is a good pick (Since she would've most likely been voted off other wise - even though I did bring up a point in the alliance chat, that we might have needed her to keep the majority in the tribe, just in case the other 4 form a counter alliance). Me and TJ talked a bit and I told him before, that the only 2 possible votes are Brian or Randy. Both have barely been active in this tribe, with Randy just doing a tiny bit more (Flag challenge) but we can't hold that as a positive for him, forever. In the end it seems to be brian tonight, oh well unlucky.

But in my opinion, seeing how our Tribe works compared to the Favorites this wont change anything. They will keep beating us out in every challenge until we are at a low number of members just to be picked up 1 by 1 in the merge or at a tribeswap. Its super scary and I am already getting a little bit anxious and frustrated looking forward. The worst thing that could happen to us is, that we win the Reward challenge and then get on too much of a high, go back to doing the least amount of work, just to be crushed at the next Immunity challenge again. Lets hope that isn't the case. Lets hope a swap happens sooner than later, when we still have some numbers..

But, on a more serious note! That whole conversation about the secret advantage came up with Dan after he returned from Exile. He told me about the idol on Exile, & how it's the name of a Survivor, you only have two yes or no questions to narrow it down, & you only get three guesses. He also told me what questions he asked, & his guesses!

So, I guess my social game is better than I thought it was, because he said he was only going to tell Amanda & I, & we ended up making an alliance chat. To be honest, this group really makes sense to me, because I feel we are more of the "social" people on our tribe, where we'll message people first, & try to keep the conversation going, so I'm really happy with this core group. Now, I'm not a mathematician, but even I know that three out of ten people in a tribe is not a majority, but it's nice to have a solid core group that we can hopefully add to when needed! Plus, if you have a smaller group inside a bigger one, you're already in a better position number wise. I'm blabbering on about this newfound alliance, & how it's good for my game, just to watch it blow up when the inevitable swap happens, & we're split up. :) :) :) :)

I'm still trying to form relationships with other people on my tribe, but I feel like I haven't really gotten far. I think I have a good relationship with QuilLynn! We actually talk quite a bit, & have good conversations about things outside the game, & I really like her! She's someone I can definitely see myself working with down the line, so hopefully she feels the same way.

Like, I'm really glad & relieved that we've won the immunity challenges, but sometimes when you're on a tribe that keeps winning, it's easy to just relax & not talk as much. It's when you lose, where everyone starts to scramble, & relationships develop further. Basically right now, we're the Love tribe, where everything is sunshine & rainbows, & no one has a bad thing to say about anyone. But, if we were to lose, we'd go from *heart eyes emoji* to *knife emoji* real quick.

I don't want to say I thrive in chaos, because I don't, I'll overthink every possible scenario & hop aboard the paranoid train, full speed ahead. However, I thrive when people are very conversational, & I feel like the people on my tribe will only become like this when they feel their ass may be on the line.

Another update about our tribe idol: Still haven't guessed once. Still a flop. Let's try to turn this around, Lindsay! You can do it.

This confessional has been all over the place, so sorry I'm a mess. I don't know. I can't control my thoughts or put them into words very well.

I’m angry I found 2.6k cows and we still lost. I don’t know what this tribe is doing tbh it’s such a mess. I was prepared to come in this game and SLAY but that’s kinda impossible right now so.

Gloria is an icon.

That’s all.

So I guess I haven't done one of these this round! WHOOPS. Well, not much has changed in my game. I'm still really enjoying the tribe for the most part and just trying to do my best in the tribe! Like I'm really proud of myself for performing so well in the challenges so far. Jokes on the tribe bc when I start school again, I'm not going to have as much time to do things *shrugs* I know I'm pretty and successful and they'll just need to understand that.

On a serious note, I'm worried about Colin coming back from exile and the idol situation over there. I'm lucky I have some time to plot and think about how I'm going to address that. I think I'm gonna say something along the lines of, well I kinda wanted to see who went to exile next before I said anything to anyone about it. I would be open to sharing information with Colin, I just feel like with him working we really haven't had the chance we need to really like create a lasting bond. Yes, we talked about people we liked and about keeping each other's best interests in mind, but that was one curt little conversations. I know curt implies rudeness, but that's not how I mean it, I'm just not smart enough to think of a better word. But, any who, I have some scrambling to do with our relationship, but I'm willing to give it a go. We shall see what the future holdsssss.

Cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow WOW IT WAS WORTH IT HEHE! I got 666 cows and our tribe won by an absolute landslide. I’m super happy! I am excited to see what happens when the fans actually have to um vote someone out and not be saved from a medical evacuation lmao. Also I haven’t been talking to people like I should because I’m so fucking lazy. And tired. Like give me a break people

Ugh we lost but I did so bad but I didn't had time to do it. I feel like I'm going home tonight unless I get to go to exile since I was lowest and last one they send had nothing

Hello it's me fallen tuna. I like my tribe a bit better it's pretty clear that we are all pretty busy. I suck the most at the comps so thats somewhat confusing but asa talks less so if we lost that might be the one person I'd try to get out

So this round has been me trying my hardest and obviously not succeeding. The faves tribe are just too dedicated for this game. Which is great for them, but we arent naturally as competitive as they are. Meaning that we're once again going to tribal. And they sent home Patricia. The girl who we thought would be the next voted off.

So now its scrambling. Julia told me her group of TJ, Madison, etc. is going to do Brian. I brought up the fact that me and Brian are close, and that Francie would probably be better since she's obviously close with Amanda on the other tribe. But Madison is also close with them, so i dont see them leaving this week. If I have to vote out Brian. Then damn, but I'm not leaving premerge. So its just time to cut my losses, and hopefully make it to a tribe swap.

Confessional: I am very upset with many players on my tribe who I feel don't need to be here because they are somewhat inactive and not trying all that hard in challenges. They need to carry their asses to be perfectly blunt. They are hurting our tribe and it takes all the fun out of the game to be honest. People are telling me they are voting Brian and I love him to death and know for fact he can be a great player but this game he has shown me nothing so I am going with majority and he was on my rdar this round for vote also, I am working with TJ Francie and Dennis and hope us 4 stick together and none of them turn on me. Thus far they are my safety net but who knows what will happen if a tribe switch happens and I hate this sending people to exile island it sucks big time cause I am afraid that will kill my game if sent. I hope that everybody 100% votes Brian out tonight and Randy isn't showing much attempt either after doing that gorgeous flag. That sucks but it is what it is in games take the good with the bad. Hope I last see you at tribal honorable host. <3 GLO GLO <3

So my gay ass is sitting here, minding my own business, and what do I see in a VL I'm in? Emily and Amanda are hosting an Athena season together? INCHRESTING. I will keep that little tid bit in the back of my head when it comes time to vote somebody out.

Okay so basically at this point my tribe is slaying the game! As one would expect, we have a lot of seasoned players who are hungry for redemption and really don’t want to be the first fave gone so everyone is going really over the top with these challenges. I won’t complain because they keep me safe by extension but i have a feeling that there is going to be a loss or a luck comp in our near future and i just don’t know how i am going to fare if we go to tribal. Right now i know that Quil, Emily and Lindsay wouldn’t vote me out. So that means hopefully 4/9 votes. Ive been trying to reconnect with Ian and I don’t think he would vote me out either so I think I could survive a tribal if I ended up going to one.

Right now i am putting in some work to make sure that Im not the first boot from this tribe. I’m trying to not talk to Asa or Thomas [they also don’t message me,,,,ew??? like wtf are you doing here if you aren’t going to message anyone] so that I can eagerly throw their names around if we go to tribal. Also ironically enough they are the highest placing members of our tribe so I’m hoping it can be an easy sell. That’s about it for now!

Honestly, I hate the fact we lost the challenge. I hate the fact that Patricia was given immunity because that means that my time may be up. People barely try and talk to me, or even bother to reply to me. So I think it's me tonight, which is fine. I am content with my journey. I was told it may be Randy but I doubt it. We'll see.

I'm good Patricia is coming on so hot. She's just like "I wanna work with you" and calls me right away like omg ajdhaidhss it's not that I wouldn't wanna work w her it's just that you'd think she'd spend st least ten minutes to have some small talk before throwing me six feet deep into strategy talk...

i dont think im getting voted out but if i do oh well... everyones voting brian i believe and my friends have no reason to lie to me so i am feelin GOOD!! i hope theres a tribe swap so i can be safe for once oh my god

I hope this tribal and the Brian vote are successful. Fingers crossed!

I'm confessing to say Emily was robbed in Athena All Stars and I love Drew even though he drags me always the end

#fvf6 #confessionals #MassTag

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