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wordslostforever · 1 year

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Couples Therapy | Ch. 3

Ch. 3 "I’m trying, but it’s not enough"

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff/fem!reader

Summary: When your marriage with Wanda starts to fall apart, you both decide to have a last chance by going to a professional, for your son's sake, and your own.

Warnings: 16+! Established relationship, Angst, Cheating, cheating thoughts, Vision, fights, cursing, break up, kissing.

Italian for flashbacks

Ch. 2 "Reminiscent of our days"

Word count: 5.4k

The rest of the week passed, and you decided to take your therapist's recommendation. It was a simple task, so simple that it became complicated.

Don't run.

Your back hurt, today and the day before, every day when you got up from the couch, cold and sore. That was the task, to stay in the house even after the fights, even when the anger was uncontrollable. You did, you stayed, but you didn't know if that was best for you or Wanda, not when you both ended up tangled in the sheets of your bed, your bodies touching with nothing but tension and anger coated in passion.

Even if you and Wanda ended up in bed, at the end of it all, your stubbornness wouldn't let you stay next to her, too angry at you for falling for her touches again.

It was killing you, slowly it was, and you didn't want to admit it. You didn't want to admit how toxic your love had become, you didn't want to admit that loving Wanda made you hurt, so hurt that your heart was squeezing in your chest, not with love, but pain.

You didn't feel good, with that constant feeling of distrust and love mixed with anger. You were tired, and at this point, you didn't know how much more you could stand it, watching your love turn into something unknown that took away all feelings of happiness.

This week of therapy had been much more charged than you thought, the tension in the car when you were left alone after dropping your children off with Pietro and Monica felt suffocating. Your hands were sweating and your shoulders ached with the tension in them, you could also see Wanda's knuckles on the steering wheel white. She sighed every now and then, shifting in the seat uncomfortably.

You weren't feeling well, least of all when you sat on the couch in the office, your therapist frowning when she noticed the awkward silence between you.

"So, this week we are going to go over the root of the problem," Your therapist explained softly, jotting down a couple of things in her notebook. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Wanda nod, relaxing on the couch, unlike you, who tensed up even more. "Usually when people come to see me, they either want out and don't know how to tell their partner or are desperately trying to save their relationship."

You gave Wanda a look, and she looked back at you, it seemed like you were both trying to come to the same consensus, but something in her look made you feel lost.

"We want to work, right?" Wanda said, and the therapist looked at you, there were a couple of seconds your head hesitated, it was only a second, but you knew Wanda had noticed.

"Yes, we do." You said nodding, and you could feel Wanda’s intense gaze fix on you.

"Okay, so," The therapist took both of your attention again, putting her pencil and notebook aside. "When did the fights start?"

"When my fellowship started." You said first, cutting Wanda off before she could talk. "You see, uhm, I work at a sub-company of Stark industries, and a few months ago I got a promotion and I was offered to work with my friend Tony on a prototype in DC. It was a one in a million kind of opportunity, and I took it."

"Of course you took it," Wanda mumbled the words, but you heard them turning your attention to her with a frown. She arranged herself in her seat, rolling her eyes in irritation. "You love Tony Stark."

"No, I love my work," You retorted, your jaw tensing. "It was a lot of money, and it was for a year only."

"Oh, sure, you love your work so much that you choose it over your own family." Wanda tilted her head at you, her eyes piercing yours angrily, and your face fell at her insinuation. "You wanted to leave your kids for a year because of a stupid project."

"Don't you dare even for a second to insinuate that I prefer my job over my kids," Your words were so sharp and clear that Wanda's breath caught with guilt. "I can't believe you would say that, to imply that, when you were the one who told me to go."

Your hands clenched your cell phone as you made your way to the kitchen, Wanda was stirring the pan on the stove. She looked up at you, throwing you a warm smile, which the moment you didn't return and she noticed your blank stare, it disappeared, her hands dropping the spoon and lowering the fire. You watched her make her way to you, a worried expression on her features.

"What's wrong?" Wanda asked you, her hands going to your arms, gently stroking them up and down, giving you a little courage.

"I got the promotion." You replied, and Wanda furrowed her eyebrows in confusion before smiling at you.

"That's great, honey." She said, but your look was still lost, complicated, and she decided to stroke your cheek with her hand. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

"They offered me a fellowship to work on a project with Tony." You replied softly watching Wanda raise her eyebrows in surprise, her hand falling from your cheek to your neck, her eyes encouraging you to continue. "It's for a year... in DC." You saw Wanda's features falter for a moment, and shook your head. "I'm not taking it."

"You should, uhm," Wanda denied as well, clearing her throat and letting go of your neck, taking a step back. You saw her gaze change, her smile seemed to tell you something else, but you couldn't decipher exactly what she meant. "You should take it."

"But, the kids-"

"The kids are with me, we'll be fine." Wanda cut you off by turning to the stove and turning it back on. "Just ask the kids what they think and make a decision from there." Wanda didn't look at you after that, focusing on the soup. You sighed walking out of the kitchen a few minutes later.

You remembered the conversation with your sons perfectly, Billy and Tommy had agreed with you, not upset with the idea of you working away. Billy had made you promise to bring him a couple of new outfits for his plays and Tommy had asked you for a couple of action figures in return. Your kids were fine with the idea, and you had also taken the liberty of thinking about calling them every day and taking a couple of days a month to visit them.

"I just assumed you would choose to stay with them over a fellowship and I was wrong." Wanda explained and you snorted, you could hear your heart pulse in your ears at the anger. "I never implied that you loved your work over our sons. That'd be ridiculous."

"I talked to them," You replied, relaxing in your seat and taking a seat again. Wanda looked at you and you looked at her too. "You are mad because they didn't tell me to stay."

"You didn't ask me, but it doesn't matter, you should have known that I wanted you to stay." Wanda told you with disappointment and you raised your eyebrows in indignation. "You are supposed to know."

"No, I don't." You replied, shaking your head at the ridiculousness of the situation. "I'm not a mind reader, I can't just know what you're thinking."

"You usually did."

Wanda was tired, you could tell by the way she collapsed on your couch with a sigh. Your hands went straight to her waist, pulling her to you confidently, making her half smile as you left a kiss on her forehead.

"Bad day?" you asked, and Wanda nodded snuggling into you. Your hands went to the TV remote, automatically putting on one of her favorite sitcom episodes. "You want ice cream? I bought the one you like."

You were about to move, but Wanda's hand stopped you in place, her eyes meeting yours. It was a second you stopped to read her gaze, you noticed how they spoke to you without a single word and you knew how she felt.

"Come here, baby." Your words were soft, you knew how those bad days for Wanda were, the uncontrollable sadness she felt. You held her gently, feeling her sobs crash painfully against your chest. "It's okay, I've got you, let it go. I'm here, love, I'm not going anywhere, shh, I love you so much."

Wanda shook her head, memories flashed through her head squeezing her heart. You had been such a pillar in her life, helping her with her insecurity issues, her fear of abandonment, the horrible days she had when everything seemed to fall apart around her. She needed you.

"I did when we were young, when it was fun to play around and be cryptic, and mysterious, challenge each other to figure out what we were thinking." You explained, your words squeezing Wanda's heart even tighter. "But we changed, we are old, and you are my wife. I assumed that I shouldn't have to do that anymore."

"You assumed wrong then."

"Really, Wanda? Why do you have to be so stubborn? Why can't you admit you weren't honest with me and that you fucked up?" You saw Wanda shook her head, her gaze avoiding yours and looking at her rings as her fingers played with them. She was nervous, but you knew why, why maybe everything had gone to shit. "We grew out this stupid crap long ago. This stupid fights because we decided not to be honest with each other about what we really felt." You said, relaxing in place, your eyes still on Wanda, and you decided to get her attention and grab her hand. "I came back for you, I dropped the project and I'm here."

The first three months in DC went great. You were happy to be able to get your dream job, you really were, and your kids seemed happy. Sometimes you could tell they missed you, but you always came home each month and they seemed fine. They were fine.

But Wanda wasn't. Every time you came home, Wanda seemed determined to fight with you, whether it was over the stupidest things. The daily calls with her, had become once a week or once every how often. You were worried about losing her, about ruining the perfect marriage you had, so you decided that going back was the right thing to do. You had made a reputation, worked with one of the most famous engineers and made money that could help your children in the future. You felt complete.

When you arrived home in the evening, you knocked softly on the door, expecting to meet your children, but Wanda opened it, giving you a short glance and turning on her heel. You walked in with your suitcase, setting it by the door and closing the door carefully. You knew Wanda was angry after the call the day before where you had called her selfish. She stood away from you with a frown, watching as you pull out your jacket.

"I guess you did decide to show up and drop everything for me," Wanda said with a brute tone, the words coming angrily from her lips. "My apologies if you missed something important, I wouldn't want you to think that I'm also a bitch besides the egotistical part."

"I'm sorry," You apologized, a grimace passed over your features. Wanda was still staring at you with her arms crossed. "I shouldn't have called you that, I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, you shouldn't have," Wanda nodded, her posture relaxing. "I wasn't just thinking about me only, Y/n, Billy has a play next week and Tommy's tournament is in two days. I want you there."

"I know, and again, I'm sorry." You said, Wanda took a deep breath as you approached her. "I just don't want you to get mad at me for not being here when I'm working there. And I also don't want you to tell me you're fine when you are not fine with me being gone."

"I am fine."

"No, you aren't, stop saying things you don't mean."

"Are you calling me a liar?" Wanda jumped defensively and you denied, trying to relax her by putting your hand on her arm.

"No, I want you to tell me what you really feel, not what I want to hear. We are together in this, okay?"

"Sometimes it doesn't feel like we are."

"And I'm sorry for that." You said, trying to eat the urge to tell her that she had told you to go, but you didn't want to fight with her anymore. "I dropped the fellowship."

"You did?"

"Yes, I still need to go back to finish some paperwork, but I'll be back for good this time."

"Okay." Wanda nodded, and you moved your hand to her cheek.

"Okay," You repeated with a smile, Wanda smiled back before moving closer and meeting her lips with yours. When you pulled away, your forehead rested with hers. "We good now?"

"Yes, we are."

"Good."

"I missed you,"

"I missed you too."

"You are here, but you're also not," Wanda said, letting go of your hand and sighing. "You hate me because I made you give up the only thing you had ever wanted. You are here, but you hate to be."

"No, I don't hate you, and I also don't hate to be here." You said, shaking your head, part of you breaking at the thought of the fear Wanda must have felt when you left. You knew she had that fear of losing you, of being alone. "Being with you is what I want, not the stupid job or Tony. You. I want you."

"Even after what I did?" Wanda's words clashed with your ears, your heart squeezing and your muscles contracting, your body tensed and at that you saw Wanda's defeated look release yours.

Wanda knew what she was doing was stupid, she even had the notion that it would hurt you, but something deep inside her forced her to ignore the feeling in the pit of her stomach.

She forgot you, for a second inside that conversation she was having with Vision, she forgot what her life was about, too consumed in the pain you had caused her by leaving, too focused on the despair that losing you and being alone caused her. She knew she had never told you, or even admitted it out loud to herself, but the fear of losing you consumed her all the time, the fear of thinking you would fall in love with someone because she wasn't enough, or just the thought of having to go through everything completely alone. It was irrational, but Wanda didn't know how to stop, even when you hadn't given her any reason to think about it.

Maybe it was because you had been married for eleven years, the fear that the love you had for her would fade over time.

"Are you okay with doing this project with me?" Vision spoke to her, his hand firmly grabbing a glass of whiskey. He looked at her sitting next to him at the bar, which he had invited her to, and Wanda nodded, her hand clutching her glass of juice. She wasn't planning on getting drunk. "I could ask to be changed, I wouldn't want to cause any problems to you."

"That's not necessary," Wanda smiled encouragingly at the man, biting her lip softly thinking of you. She told you about Jarvis, and you knew him only by his nickname, but Wanda knew that, even if you didn't show it, you were cautious when it came to him. "I don't see why working with you would be a problem."

"Because of your wife, Y/n," Vision explained, bringing the glass to his lips afterwards, and Wanda shook her head, it was just work, nothing more. It wouldn't bother you to think about the extra hours she spent with her co-worker. "She may get the wrong impression, after all, this project is basic, and you don't need a skilled programmer to do it."

"But I wanted you," Wanda said, her tone having gone up an octave, using the typical tone she used to flirt with someone. Her hand gently patted Jarvis's arm and she smiled sideways. "Maybe it's not necessary, but I asked for you because you're the best." Wanda knew what she was doing, that innocent flirting she had almost forgotten about from her days in college, the same flirting she had used on you. She told herself it was just a joke, that it wouldn't go any further than that, and you were far away, you weren't there. "I heard you graduated from Princenton, right?"

"Yeah, I did indeed," Vision smirked proudly. "I graduated with..."

That was a week after you left, and it went on for most of your stay in DC. The after-work outings to the bar, hours and hours of off-topic chatter in the office, the intense, short glances as they both worked on the project, that air of tension surrounding them. It never went beyond that, and Wanda never planned for it to be anything more. It was just a game. Innocent flirting.

You knew about the project, and Wanda had told you that it was Vision she was working with. You hadn't given it any thought, and that bothered Wanda, to think that you didn’t care about her in the slightest, but you did because you trusted her, you did with your life.

Wanda knew that the innocent flirting couldn’t reach you, you could never know that part of her was trying to conquer someone who was not you. But she knew that anyone who plays with fire, gets burned eventually, and she did.

"Vision?" Wanda put on her jacket, fixing her hair carefully, giving the man a look as she put her things away on the office desk. She needed to end that stupid game with the man, more so now that you had told her you were coming back to stay.

"Yes?" Vision stood up from his desk with his suitcase, taking a couple of steps to the woman. Wanda sighed looking at him, played with the ring on her index finger and Vision noticed, nodding. "I heard she is coming back."

"Yes, she is," Wanda nodded, he took a step towards her, getting close enough to make her raise her gaze a little more. "We can't keep doing this."

"Doing what, Wanda?" Vision asked, tilting his head in confusion and then nodding. "Working on the project together or that we started to like each other?"

"I didn't..." Wanda shook her head, she didn't like Vision, she liked you.

"You started what we have now, you can't deny there's something here." The man touched Wanda's shoulder gently, and she didn't move. "I like you, Wanda, and you can't tell me you don't like me too when you enjoy this as much as I do."

"I'm married."

"It didn't seem to be a problem when we flirted."

"I love her, Vision." Wanda shook her head, the adrenaline she felt kept her from moving. She hadn't realized how close Vision was now, how his hand had already gently grasped her cheek, and how he was moving closer to her, but she didn't move, even as her head screamed so loudly on your behalf.

And it happened, she burned herself so deep that she didn't know what possessed her to close her eyes and bring her lips together with the man feeling the different texture of his lips and the different movement he had to pull her closer to him. When she opened her eyes, the world stopped for a second, her heart stopping abruptly in her chest, her stomach clenching in guilt. Panic settled in her viscera, those eyes looking at her were so unfamiliar that they made her feel completely lost.

Wanda took a couple steps back, turning away from Vision with her hand over her mouth, shaking her head. She didn't say a word before she left the office, almost running to her car. She tried to compose herself as she drove home, tears forming in her eyes along with that ball in her throat, but she swallowed it down.

She knew you were home when she walked down the porch, the living room lights on. She slowly walked in, pulling out her jacket and hanging it on the coat rack, before you lifted your head from the TV to her with a smile from the couch.

"Hello, my love," You got up from it, walking softly towards your wife with a half smile, but stopped when you saw her expression tilting your head worriedly. "The kids are in their rooms sleeping. Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I-" Wanda spoke, but her voice came out in a whisper, your hands grabbed hers, and you felt how shaky Wanda was.

"Hey, it's okay," You said, releasing one of her hands and bringing it to her cheek. The touch made Wanda clench her jaw. "I've got you, it's okay."

"I kissed Jarvis." Wanda said and your hand released her cheek almost instantly, your brow furrowing as you took a step back. The lack of contact caused Wanda to press her lips together.

"You kissed who?" You asked confused, you didn't know anyone named Jarvis.

"Vision."

"Oh, wow," You let out an offended laugh, your heart squeezing with pain and anger. You shook your head, clenching your fists watching Wanda approach you, but you held up your hand to stop her. You had never cared enough about Vision to care what his real name was, instead of the ridiculous nickname he had. "I leave for what, three months and you are already screwing someone else? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry, okay? I wasn't thinking." Wanda said, her lip quivering, but you didn't let it bother you, the feeling of betrayal was too much to make you want to hug her. "I slipped, I didn't mean for it to happen."

"How many times?"

"It only happened once." Wanda said, running her trembling hands through her hair, looking at the distance between you with a pained expression. "Nothing else happened."

"Like that could make me feel any better." You blurted out wryly, shaking your head. Wanda took a step towards you and you crossed your arms in front of your chest, your angry look making the woman sigh. "Did nothing else happen because I came back or because you felt too guilty?"

"Nothing happened because I love you."

"So, were you thinking about how much you loved me while you were kissing him?" You asked and Wanda gave you a hurt look. "I can't believe how selfish you are. You wanted me here, but you were also cheating on me with your co-worker at the same time?”

"Selfish?" Wanda blurted out offended, guilt sinking in with anger. "I wasn't the one who left."

"Oh, I'm so sorry that I went to work instead of looking for someone else to fuck." Your words came sarcastically out of your mouth and Wanda widened her eyes in surprise at your words, her expression changing. "Maybe I should have since you were doing the exact same thing behind my back."

"You would have cheated on me?" Wanda asked, her voice rising in indignation and you held back the words of denial, you were blinded by anger. "And then you have the nerve to say anything to me about it."

"Of course I do, it wasn't me who did it."

"Saying you would cheat on me is just as bad."

"No, it isn't! You're incredibly manipulative," you said, shaking your head and Wanda raised her eyebrows at your words. "I'm not going to let you make me feel guilty for your mistakes."

"Manipulative? What? Are you listening to yourself?" Wanda let out a short laugh of indignation, and you clenched your fists, taking a breath of air. "You're so damn stupid to think I am anything but manipulative."

"Of course I am." You said, shaking your head, and walking past her, picking up your shoes and putting them on. Wanda looked at you, the words she said came in time with her brain. "I'm so damn stupid that you can cheat on me so easily."

"I never thought..." Wanda stopped when she saw you put your jacket on. "Where are you going?"

"To Nat's house." You said standing up straight and straightening your clothes. You saw Wanda look at you scared, and you clicked your tongue, irritated at how her look made you feel, you hated to see her scared. "I'll be back tomorrow morning, and we'll talk about what we're going to do."

"Stay."

"After everything you've said, I'd better not. You don't want to either, because right now, it's really hard for me to think about staying with you in the same bed." You let go, opening the door, and with one last look at the redhead, you blurted out the words you had been holding on the tip of your tongue. "I really don't want to break up with you out of anger."

You remember that day clearly, the memories of Wanda's defeated features and eyes full of fear. It broke your heart to see her that way. But you also remembered crying like never before in your life, Natasha holding you gently as your sobs split every part of your being until you collapsed into bed, barely having the strength to get up. The next morning you had talked to Wanda, and after deciding for the sake of your children, you had decided to try to forgive her, and you did, but nothing was the same.

That was one of the reasons why you were both right now in front of a stranger, talking about your problems as if it was the only solution.

Wanda looked at you expectantly, trying to search your gaze for the forgiveness she needed to make you two work, but you couldn't do it. You sighed, watching the eyes of the love of your life fill with tears, and put your hand on her cheek.

"I love you," Your words broke her, you knew it as she moved closer to you clutching you in her arms in desperation. Wanda hid her head in your neck, sobs escaping her lips, and your eyes burned, tears accompanying the pain in your chest. You knew this was the end for the two of you. "I love you so much, but I can't do this, I can't keep pretending I'm fine when being with you hurts too much."

Wanda shook her head separating from you, her forehead meeting yours, her hands gently squeezing your neck.

"Please," You felt her tears meet yours on your lips, that many times you had felt after the countless fights ending in sour words and tears of pain. Wanda kissed you and you kissed her back. "We can still work."

"We tried to fix this many times, my love, we can't keep hurting each other. I can't let the love I have for you become this, I can't let our love die like this." Wanda's breath collided with your lips and your tears spilled even more knowing it would be the last time. "I forgive you, I forgive you for everything, and now it's time you forgive yourself too."

"I ruined us, didn't I?"

"No, honey, no." You shook your head, an encouraging smile on your lips, as you awkwardly tried to wipe away your wife's tears.

****

"Sometimes things just don't work, that doesn't mean it's my fault or your mom's, we just don't work anymore as a couple." You explained in front of your children, sitting on the floor in the middle of the living room. Wanda was next to you, Tommy looked at both of you confused, but you knew Billy had understood what you had told them. "I still love your mom, and I care about her so much, but we aren't going to be together anymore."

"I still don't get it." Tommy said, tilting his head to one side and with his hand pointed at Wanda and you. "Does it mean that you aren't going to be our mom anymore?"

You sighed and looked at Wanda for a second, she was about to speak, but Billy spoke instead. You were surprised to see him so calm, but you knew that behind his look there was a hint of sadness.

"It means that they are going to break up, like Cindy and Tommy." He said explaining to his brother, and you smiled, watching as Tommy nodded, looking at you curiously.

"They don't speak anymore. Are you and mom going to stop too?"

"No, darling, your mom and I won't stop talking," Wanda said, and you nodded. "It just means that your mom will be living somewhere else, and that she won't be around the house all the time."

"Exactly, but I'm not going to stop visiting you or coming here anytime you want me to." You said, and they both nodded. "You'll come see me at my house and stay with me if you want to, and we'll go out time to time to watch a movie or whatever you want to do. It'll be different, and it may be hard at the start, but just know that I will always be here for you, okay? I'm not leaving you, I'm just moving out of the house."

You saw Billy get up from the floor, followed by Tommy, and then you felt him hug you. You thought Tommy had gone for Wanda as usual, but you felt him hug you too. You tried to close your eyes, holding back the tears that threatened to escape your eyes.

It was a short hug before they both nodded and went off to do their things. You laughed softly and beside you, Wanda did too, both of you thought it would be harder and with more tears shed, but it seemed they had grasped the concept faster than you thought.

"Kids, uh?" You said, giving a look to Wanda, who had gotten up from the floor already. And she smiled at you rolling her eyes, offering her hand.

"You love them."

"I do," You grabbed her, pulling yourself up with her help, and stood in front of her, looking at her admiringly. You would be lying if you said you no longer loved her. "We did a good job, didn't we?"

"Yes, we did." Wanda smiled, biting the inside of her cheek, the silence between you felt lighter, comfortable. "Where are you staying?"

"With Nat. She'll help me search for an apartment to rent this week."

"She is going to be so annoyed with you."

"She already is." Wanda let out a giggle at your comment and followed you as you started walking toward the door. "If it wasn't because Maria is there, she'd probably have thrown me out of the window by now."

"Maybe you should behave." Wanda retorted, and you smiled sideways, looking at her with an eyebrow raised.

"You know I don't like to." You said making Wanda roll her eyes, and before opening the front door, you turned to her, stopping her in her place. "I'll miss you."

"I already do."

"You think maybe we should..." You asked unsurely, looking shortly at Wanda's lips. That was enough for her to nod and move closer, grabbing your chin and guiding your lips to hers. It was a soft, slow kiss, a kiss goodbye after all those years that belonged to you alone. You didn't want to be the first to stop, nor Wanda, you both didn't want to, but the air ran out and the warm feeling of her lips on yours disappeared. "I love you, Wanda."

"I love you too, Y/n."

With that you walked out of the house, the door closing behind you. Reality hit you like a bucket of cold water, and you sighed walking to the new car you had bought. As you climbed in, the reflection of Wanda's car flashed in the rearview mirror, slowly getting smaller until you stopped seeing it.

Sometimes love isn’t enough to fix everything.

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x reader #scarlet witch x reader #mcu fanfiction #wanda maximoff x you #wanda x you #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff fanfiction

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jung-koook · 8 months

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that photo jeongguk posted left me so inspired and wanting to share something here about myself with you guys. in 2019 I was feeling very physically tired and a friend told me that by going to the gym I would feel more energetic, but I didn't care much about it. I said "I'm going to wait for a sign telling me to join a gym". and after that jeongguk started posting videos of him at the gym and my friends said that was the sign I was asking for. 😂 I joined the gym but didn't take it seriously and I felt uncomfortable there.

I was always thin but I never thought my body was beautiful. and I felt super uncomfortable with the size of my breasts. especially because of how it got men's attention. A few months before the pandemic I had scheduled surgery to reduce the size of my breasts, but for obvious reasons I didn't have this surgery. when everything went back to "normal" I was too lazy to go through the pre-surgery procedures all over again and left this plan for other time.

at the end of 2022, my therapist said she was pregnant and that she wouldn't be able to see me anymore because of that. I was lost. especially because it's hard to find a good therapist and one that I feel comfortable with. but in 2022 I was a person who was seeing beauty where I used to not even notice. I started to think that being thin wasn't something that suited me and wasn't something that I found beautiful about myself. I started to find fit bodies more beautiful. so as I was lost in 2023 then I decided switched to another gym and start taking this seriously. and after that everything changed in my life. even with depression and having ups and downs, I started to feel happier, I started to feel more comfortable with my body and I started to admire my body. my confidence has completely changed. I started wearing clothes that I want without wanting to hide my body. the size of my breasts also changed to something that was more proportional to my body. It's not something that bothers me anymore. my back is extremely hot now. I even admire myself in the gym mirror sometimes lmaooo😂

I still have a lot to change about myself, especially my relationship with food, but I have to say that no one motivated me about gym more than jeongguk, namjoon and the other members. especially jeongguk for being the one who talks about it the most. in my real life, literally everyone who wanted an opinion on this, even though I never asked for their opinion, said that my body was beautiful that I shouldn't go to the gym because I would look like a man LOL. but I really am someone who doesn't care about anyone's opinion on something as personal as my body. but having jeongguk and namjoon talking about the gym and stuff like that really made me more motivated to keep going to the gym. I look at their bodies and I'm so impressed not only by how hot they are but by their dedication.

I think it's so amazing, I don't know if it's because they're close to my age but bangtan always helps me with something about my life. it's incredible but often they say something that is literally like advice for some situation I'm going through in life,. other times it is something that motivates me, other times it comforts me. it's amazing how they help us without even knowing what we're going through, without even knowing us. when I say they are my best friends it's because of that. I really can't imagine what my life would be like without having bangtan by my side. in a different way that but in such an important and special way. they really impact my life in ways that I can't explain because if I try I'll burst into tears.

thank you bangtan for everything you guys did and do for me without even knowing me ♡🥹

#OK IM LEAVING

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joshriku · 6 months

Note

Hello hello if you're doing cherik drabbles would you be interested in writing something about Charles having a chronic pain flare-up please? Thanks ever so i love your creative genius 👍

I KNOW I SAID DRABBLES BUT I SAW THE WORD COUNT FOR THIS REACHING 1.1K AND I WAS LIKE OOPS MY BAD. thank you for your lovely compliment i am really flattered you'd think im a creative genius :')

“I think Charles and I will be calling it a night,” Erik says, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“We are?” Charles asks, blinking through the fog. How long has it been since he stopped listening to the conversation? He can’t seem to recall. The window had just felt so comfortable to stare at.

“We’re tired,” Erik stands up, dusts off his pants, and smiles apologetically at the rest. “It’s our bed time.”

“You know how it is,” Charles says, as if he’s been aware of this conversation the entire time. He makes to move his hands to the wheels, trying to push through the pins and needles that seem to be stabbing at him, and grins. “We simply aren’t as youthful as we used to be.”

“Oh, Professor, we know you’re as youthful as ever,” Jean says back, grinning, but the meaning of the words are a little lost. Maybe she said that. He can hear her, but the words are… hard to grasp. Perhaps Erik did the right thing when he called it a night.

Erik’s mental, soft laughter cuts through the fog of his thoughts easily. Of course I did.

They say their goodbyes to Jean and Scott and make their way through the mansion, suspiciously quiet. There’s a chance Erik’s aware of the tension building on his shoulders, the tugging on his shoulder blades, the ever-tired forearms, and—

“Of course I can,” Erik opens the door to their bedroom easily. “I have been feeling some, ah, phantom pains for the past thirty minutes.”

All right, so he had been zoning out for thirty minutes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to project.”

“I don’t mind,” he replies, undressing. Charles begins his own undressing, too, but getting the sleeves out of his arm is a little more painful than usual. He hisses when he does so until Erik comes around, helps a little. “I figured it out earlier than that, though. You looked uncomfortable.”

“Do you think the rest noticed?”

“No. I simply know you too well,” he smiles. “Do you mind transferring to the bed? I left my robe inside the bathroom. I’ll be back soon.”

Charles nods. It’s a little hard to form thoughts, now that he’s aware of how much his body is hurting. He’s sore. The continuous wave of pain settles in the pit of his stomach, bile threatening to rise up. Right. So it’s one of those days. He swallows, breathing in and out. Do you want me to wait for you in any position, or…?

On your stomach, if you can. Let me know if not.

No, no. I can do it.

It takes a bit of maneuvering—his arms are definitely not in condition to be pushed right now—but eventually, his cheek meets his mattress, and the momentary relief of not being sitting down crashes down upon him. As he basks in it, though, the tugging at his shoulder blades grows stronger. There are no right positions for these arms, are there? Putting them on his side worsens the strain, and straightening it triggers pain on the lower half and it extends to his hand, and—

“I am here,” Erik says, calmly sitting down next to him. Charles turns his head slightly, just to see him. He has a little box with him, no doubt carried out of the bathroom. “Now, I don’t promise to be as good as your physical therapist…”

“Don’t worry,” Charles’ lips tilt up again. “I’m sure you’re better.”

He tries to not hiss when the cool of the lotion is poured on his back, but before he can complain about it, Erik’s warm hands follow it up. The sigh he exhales—oh, it’s heavenly. The way his thumbs dig into it, the pressure against the muscle, it makes the pain recede ever so slightly. His fingertips travel up until they meet his shoulders and there we go.

“Good?” Erik asks, sounding pleased. “I can hear your thoughts again.”

“Better than good,” Charles breathes out as he continues. His thumbs slide down with some pressure from the base of his neck to the end of his column, and it’s so, so good, he could fall asleep again. “Are you a physiotherapist in your free time?”

“I’m many things,” Erik replies. His hands go up again, and then his thumbs start digging at the base of his skull—Charles lets out a yelp. “Oh, I’m sorry. But you are so tense.”

His thumbs move in a circular motion, trying to release the stress, and Charles grips his sheets so hard he’s scared of rupturing them.

“Have you been stressed?” Erik asks.

“Not particularly,” Charles answers between hisses. “I think—ah—I think it’s one of those days.”

“I figured,” he mumbles, finally letting go of the torture, and to his own surprise he does feel a little lighter. Sore, yes, but lighter. Erik’s hands do their magnificent work on his left arm, too. “Are all your meds in order?”

“Yes. I think nothing a muscle relaxer can’t fix,” he says. “Thank you, Erik. I’m sorry our evening got cut short.”

“There will be other evenings,” Erik assures him. Lie on your back. I want to do the other side. “Besides, we are still together, so our evening is still going.”

“Yes, but you know,” slowly, he does as he was told—mobility is a little less painful now. Erik was a miracle worker. “We still had plans.”

“I’m sure your students can handle just fine if you go to sleep at ten today,” Erik teases, grabbing the arm once Charles gets himself in position. “We have been through this.”

“Right. No apologizing over this.”

“See? You do know better,” he finishes at last, moving his hands to his bare chest. His hands slide up, gently pressing against the chest muscles. Charles exhales once more. “Tell me more. Do you think this will last until tomorrow?”

“I hope not, but I will only know when I wake up. So unpredictable, these things.”

Erik hums. He leans back, putting away the box with the lotions, and standing up. He’s finally feeling good enough to wheel himself back to the bathroom and do his own routine.

“Thank you so much,” he says as he sits up, while Erik starts lying down. He does give in to the urge to lean down and kiss him, even if his back briefly protests over it. “Where would I be without you?”

Erik watches him as he leans back, going to his chair, thankful that his arms no longer protest and fall asleep on him.

“I ask myself that about you, every day,” Erik says back.

#cherik #writing #yay thank u for the prompt!!!!!!!!!!!!#asks

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thegraphitepencils · 3 months

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I don’t think I like being in a system. I don’t like the fact that Vic and Riley and everyone can do things with our body that I don’t like, and I can’t even be mad at them for it because I barely front anymore and I want such different things from them. I don’t like that we don’t have clothes in my style, we’ve been medically transitioning to male when I’m a cis girl, I don’t get to decide what kind of life I want to live…

I don’t even have any friends who I feel actually like ME. And definitely no one loves me. They’re nice to me but they’re not close to me like they are with Vic and Riley. I used to have friends and a girlfriend, a few years ago back before we were system aware, and that all went so badly and I lost them all and now I don’t have anyone.

Everything in our life feels so uncomfortable and painful for me. I just want to find my own place in the world, find my own friends and a girlfriend who see ME and like ME and aren’t just nice to me because I’m in a system with Vic and Riley. I want my own clothes, my own room, my own friends, my own hobbies and places to go… this life doesn’t feel like mine at all and I don’t really like what they’re doing with it. Like, I know I wouldn’t be able to do any better for us, I ruin all our relationships and I’m just a big ball of trauma at this point and I get tired just from fronting for a few hours so there’s no way I could handle making decisions, I just… I’m so sad.

We have therapy tomorrow, but with the therapist who isn’t as good (we have two). I guess I might talk about some of the stuff I’m feeling, but I think maybe telling her and not getting a response I like might make me feel worse. But I’ve just been getting worse the last few days not talking to anyone about this so I guess I should try.

I don’t know. I’m sad and I’m sick of being sad and I’m sick of being traumatized and I’m sick of being in a system, as much as I love my system mates. I just wish we had separate bodies, or I had a separate body from the rest of them and was just their singlet friend/sister. But I also know that I wouldn’t be able to handle living on my own, not with what I went through as a kid. I know we developed DID for a reason. I just wish it didn’t come with all these extra problems.

Do other people feel like this? Other alters I guess? What do you do? How do you cope? I’m so tired.

-June

#actuallydissociative #actuallydid #osddid #I am literally just a girl idk what to do I just don’t like this

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aj-the-idiot · 8 months

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Yes, hi, hello This is your local idiot speaking from the depths of the Void

I have finally managed to draw something for my Error x Reader fanfic Why & How that I will continue rewriting..... Eventually. (Hopefully)

I last posted something to the fic October 2018, * checks date * ALMOST 5 YEARS AGO?! The original is entirely in German, poorly written and, worst of all, on Wattpad....... However, I have already made plans for its rewrite!

Want a preview? Of course you do!

(These are parts of the first chapter but not all of it!)

It’s a beautiful day outside. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming… On days like these, people like you…

Should be going to therapy.

You grumpily turn off your alarm. Your bed is nice and warm and brings comfort, much unlike everything outside the bed. It’s a shame that you have to leave it… but it would be even more of a shame if you didn’t leave, having cleared your whole day for this one therapy session. Something just felt off, like you needed your time today, like today was just going to be a whole nightmare.

That, or it’s you just being so tired. The house has been especially lonely these past days without your family around. You would think, after all this time, you would get used to being alone but the guilt for being the only one to survive that detrimental car crash was still eating away at you. On top of that, you haven’t been sleeping well, always waking up in a cold shock and feeling like you’re being watched before falling asleep. . .

Anyway. Now is not the time, you need to get out and going! You get your tired body out of bed and open the blinds, the sunlight blinding you for a moment.

There are blue strings outside.

…not your problem! Who cares? It’s probably just your brain playing games with you. Just like those other times. Nothing to worry about! You move away from the window. It’s making you uncomfortable. At least you have a good start to that session with your therapist now. … You turn to the window again. It’s terrifying. Those strings are thick and looked charged, almost like cables on pylons just with magic, strange magic.

Suddenly your stomach growls, ripping you out of your trance. Today calls for a good breakfast.

You make your way to the kitchen and start making breakfast. Despite hoping eating would get your mind off the strings, your thoughts keep wandering back to them. Why are they there? How do they appear to be coming out of nowhere? Why Are They Here? How comes they are blue?

After staring at your dirty dishes for a while, being lost in thought, you put them in the sink; they’re a problem for future-you to deal with.

Your hands twitch as you take a look at the time, the feeling of not being safe rising up in you abruptly. Wonderful. Just wonderful. That is exactly what you needed right now.

Before you get tunnel vision, you should really get going.

Your morning routine, picking an outfit, trying to keep calm and not have a panic attack, everything felt difficult today. Neither your shoes nor your jacket wanted to cooperate with you when you put them on and you almost forgot to lock the door when leaving the house. That doesn’t matter though, not when you made it as far as to get on your merry way to your therapist’s!

The sunlight feels warm as you take a moment to breathe. It's a beautiful day outside…

(End of preview) What to expect from Why & How: - Bad humour - A gender neutral reader?! - Error being an idiot - Surprising twists and turns (definitely no sarcasm here) - Stupid clichés you've already seen a hundred times over!! - An English and a German version

It haunts me every day that I still have an unfinished fanfic that people actually read... Consider leaving a comment here on Tumblr or here (this is where I'll link Why & How when I'll upload it, just ignore it for now) in which you tell me to stop being a lazybones or anything else you'd like to say! (o゜▽゜)o☆

#utmv #undertale fandom #my art #digital art #error sans #error x reader #why & how #reader insert #x reader #my writing #fic preview #i promise i'm not giving up on this one #i'm just an idiot #and depressed

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nerves-nebula · 10 months

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so ik you vent a lot on here and i hope this doesn't seem all ✨parasocial✨ n shit but, genuinely rlly proud of you for tryna feel better figure out what works best for you, so many people just kinda let themself feel like shit after a while. been following ur tumblr for a while so it's really cool seeing the growth going forwards getting out of the house n junk, it's awesome

Ehh. Here’s the thing: I’ll do it but only to say I tried. I hate leaving the house. I hate talking to people. I’m bitter and uncomfortable most of the time. I’m fine with just feeling like shit because it’s easier and less scary, and I’ve felt like shit my entire life, and hoping just makes the disappointment worse. I’m doing better but god, it’s still not a pleasant existence. I can’t see the point in living in society and I daydream about suicide daily.

I definitely let myself just feel like shit for the most part. The only reason I can afford to put the work into finding a therapist and going there is because I’m being financially supported by someone who insists that I do it.

I am not trying as hard as I could be and I’m sulking and screaming every step of the way.

WHICH IS TO SAY that I appreciate this ask but I don’t think it’s deserved. I’m a sad motherfucker and I’m but a tad too self aware of my bitter bitchyness to feel comfortable being applauded for my behavior.

I want to get better, yeah, but better is a nebulous concept that I suspect I’ll never reach. I’m tired, I’m always tired, and life is about distracting myself with art and the promise of something better (recognition, a community, being cared about, whatever I’m bitter about this week) until my body gives out.

#nnstuff #ask #asks are sweethearts #suicide tw #vent #sorry for being depressing #I answered this at 12 am and scheduled it for later #maybe I’ll feel different by then #i guess it doesn’t matter

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tigre-edi-rawr · 7 months

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October 2023: Life Update

[Lifestyle] All I do is work, eat and sleep. If I have extra time to spend, that would go into cleaning the house a little or watching series until I fall asleep. I don't have the privilege now to eat good food everyday, I remember eating instant noodles and canned goods every single day (still experiencing now). I would eat fast food once as a reward, then go back to eating instant noodles and canned goods because that's what's convenient and what I can afford until the next payroll. Sometimes, I don't even want to eat, it's like I'm not longing for it, I could just drink water and be hungry until I feel weak and falls asleep. I sleep in an old sofa foam placed in a cold floor, every day my back hurts, I feel chilly and uncomfortable. I think my body is just not used to not having comfortable things in her life. My parents really spoiled me in life, gave me things so my everyday life was comfortable.

But I think, my state is now improving, I am financially being okay. Hopefully, I can afford a new comfortable bed with many pillows and a soft blanket. And a refrigerator, so I could stock food and just grab then cook. I could eat well! If I eat well that means I'm taking good care of myself, right?

[Relationship] Hmmmmm. Having difficulties with this one right here. I used to laugh when people say "Saka mo lang makikilala ang isang tao kapag kasama mo na talaga sa bahay." Don't get me wrong, I believed it when I was younger but never thought this is so fucked up when you're actually in the situation. And it really hits now. It's fucking real. Tbh, wouldn't dare to say I'm all healthy and fun to be with but right now.... The realest I could say is that this is not what I hoped for, not what I longed for, not what I dreamed of. I don't want someone to change so that we could work, I learned that "Kung hindi kayo swak, hindi kayo swak." even if that special someone change, it's not the same when someone really fits in your life, it would not feel like everything is working and acceptable. I just want everything to be easy, like how puzzle pieces fit in a board. My life is too much right now, to be stressed in my love life too. I don't have the capacity to cater the misery. I just want peace of mind, home, comfort, someone who will love me the way how I wanted to be loved, my all-or-nothing, my ride-or-die, the yin in my yang. Life is a fucking roller coaster itself, why want a relationship like one also?

I would love to have someone who I don't have to struggle translating myself with, I want someone who really knows me, the things I want, I need and deserve. I don't want to be the "guy" in the relationship. I want to be the baby. I'm busy trying my best to be mature in life but in relationship, I want to be the immature one, the one who always need to be cuddled and showered with love because someone thinks that's what I deserve. Someone who will be afraid to make me feel tired, hungry, or give me something to overthink about, because that someone already know I have too much burden to add more up. Someone who will make every thing he can possibly make lighter to help me lift this heavy life. I want someone who reads my soul. I want a man, someone who will take care of me. Not someone I should mold so that I could have the man I wished for. For once, I wish to have a man that is already molded, what I wished for. I'm no therapist, not a place to teach boys how to act and love. I'm so done with this bullshit. For once, I want to be the one who will be told how to act, be mature and be healthy in a relationship. To fix me... fuck, if someone could do that, hands down to that man already. This bitch ain't easy.

[Work] I am always proud of myself for not being dumb, you know? I learn fast, my intellectual capacity is something I boast off. I really like talking to intelligent people because it felt like the vibe is reciprocated, you know. Like for real, not to be a jerk. Worth my fucking time. But anyways, at work, I'm still an idiot. Don't mind me boasting since I am bobo right now, still learning and a beginner. But so far, by the comments given to me, I feel like I am exceling and coping good enough. I hope I will end this year at work with my sane self.

Enough na sana with workmates na Jollibee huhu, I can't even. Especially those who work too much to be recognized and takes credit then you will look like a tae lang na nakastay lang kasi walang dulot. Intellectual property is a critical issue. I'd rather work alone than work with toxic and unprofessional people, my patience can't even.

[Mental Health] This bitch is always on a mood swing. The instant change of physical/mental strength, mood, personality, walang makasabay sa agos ng utak ko pota. Anyway, my PCOS is the biggest contributor of this dilemma, couldn't choose to be nice for the better or to be fucking real and act/speak as I would please. The emotion burst, the instant cravings, the bloating, the constant "walang gana" phase. Tapon ko na sarili ko? Not very helpful for someone who is also a perfectionist, ga-hibla na nga lang pasensya ko, mas numinipis kapag wala ako sa mood tapos tanga yung kausap ko.

But I must say, I am at my most peaceful self right now that I am away from all noise. Mostly, I am alone, so I could only hear myself, which is sometimes also irritating but yeah, things are a lot better for my mental health. I can always blame myself only for all the hardships I'm having, the biggest relief. I am responsible for everything that is happening around me and inside me. A little easy to digest and solve since it's easier to forgive myself than other people if they destroyed or hurt me :)

I have a lot more to say, but I'm exhausted already. Bye.

#life #2023

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starlightrosari · 7 months

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Most the time I feel totally numb to the idea of my body. To transition or not to transition, either way I can’t connect because I don’t feel like myself in my appearance and can’t imagine ever feeling connected with how I look, but I know this is my body and I don’t know that with the idea of transition. But then I have these times like now where I’m really upset and bothered by how many times I’ve felt dysphoria and just dealt with being uncomfortable by trying to repress it, meanwhile months later being tired of trying to like anything with my appearance because of knowing the dysphoria and just trying to hide, having barely felt like anything of my style or body feels right to the extent of barely looking at myself or sharing photos of myself. I get so tired and sad of that repeated disappointment of not looking like the people I envy, and not even knowing what style aesthetic to draw inspiration with because I don’t know if it will feel right on me. So much of how I feel is numb, and right now I’m feeling very sad by that and wishing I could do something about it. I want to talk to a gender therapist for help in finding myself, but I can’t afford therapy right now. I need to get to that point where there’s someone I can talk to, where I can figure out what’s right for me, and where I can explore different styles and experiment. Lately I’ve just been baring with the dysphoria and obvious disconnect I have with myself, unsure what to do about it and bothered because it’s hard to connect with anything involving myself. Meanwhile with things outside of myself like my interests and hobbies or how other people look, it’s so easy for me to feel good about it, but it’s overwhelming and difficult if I try to think on gender and presentation and connect it to me. Then I’m left with the unsettling reality that I don’t feel connected or comfortable with myself, and can’t even begin to understand what’s right on my body and mind because everything feels wrong.

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foxieflower · 8 months

Note

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wANmsHNInQo

(You can remove the link if you want to)

Kinda tired of gluskin fans, fic writers etc being accused of something. Also funny how she calls Blaire a cute baby, dude, you can dislike Gluskin, of course he is not a saint, but Blaire literally gets advantage of people with some mental illness and child abused victims, and even use their trauma, allowing beatings AND rape, for the experiment to success. People sympathize with Gluskin and Walker since both were victims at some point. Trager gets a pass, despite him RAPING women willingly (though people like him because his design is cool and his BUDDY) before the experiments, and as far as we know Eddie never targetted children or raped women, he mutilated them during some kind of psicosis

I'm gonna be very straight forward, but I cannot stand to watch videos that just berate things I enjoy, so I will not be watching the video for greater context but will however respond to the actual information you sent me directly.

I absolutely agree in the points you made. I find it incredibly contradictory to find people who like one character disgusting but then immediately turn and love the character that's just as bad (or worse). I have gone at length for my dislike of Jeremy and you put it out plainly that is simply due to the fact that he is the one actively creating these monsters. And he knows what goes on within the walls of that asylum. He's a terrible man, but it does make him an incredible villain, so I can totally understand why people enjoy him, I simply do not.

Something important about this game is that it's very blunt, red barrels does not beat around the bush, if they want you to know something about a character, they will directly tell you. So it's easy to very much note that none of Eddie's crimes are that of the sexual nature. He has some wild dialog and very handy in game movements, but if they had wanted you to know of him as someone that executes crimes of that nature, we would have seen in in those flashes of life during the locker scene. Instead we just continue to see a delusional and violent man. Which is a very important thing to note, as when anyone takes part in horror films and enjoyment of the slasher genre, the fact people die is meant to be scary but it's never meant to be some sort of damnation of the monster that is doing it. Or else you wouldn't see so many people enjoy characters like Jason or Michael. Where as if a horror film takes note of a rape scene, it's meant to feel much less like an action scene for your to scream and get an adrenaline rush from, and is very much a tone shift to make you feel uncomfortable and distressed. And not in a pleasant way, it's something entirely different in film versus a villain killing someone.

Now it's to note that from here, it's pointed out that it's obvious that these people in the asylum are essentially just a bunch of slashers, aka, the fact they are killing people is just meant as actions/excitement. It's what you are expecting to come from playing these games. And instead what you are meant ro focus on, story wise, is the underlying information. I'm just going to focus on Eddie to make it easy, but you find his papers that say he has a terrible home life and was assaulted by his father and uncle, you learn that he mutilated women but never did anything uncouth with the bodies, you find out through Waylon that... the scientists are just as gross as his father and uncle were, and that he wasn't cooperative with the obviously bad therapists and would lie to try and get himself in a better situation. People chalk this up to him trying to be manipulative bit it feels much more obvious as a defensive tactic. He's scared and wants out. You are meant to feel for those in the asylum, just like Miles and Waylon do. When he dies, he gifts you with a weakened and delusional message.

Jeremy on the other hand, you get little to no secondary backstory to him, you are meant to see him directly as he is. The man with the money that is making all of this happen and knows it is happening. You are meant to just see him as the man making this asylum work, this terrible place exist. He is only there to kick Waylon at every chance for his escape, to tell him that he wants him dead, he is not there for you to sympathize with. He is supposed to represent the reprehensible company you want to see fail. That's the entire point of Waylon's and Miles' characters, to be the breaking points to destroy this company. When he dies, he is destroyed, he stabs you and then is mutilated by the walrider. He doesn't give you anything to sympathize on.

Now this is not to say that I wouldn't allow people to give him sympathic headcanons, I have read some, I have enjoyed them. They simply aren't my takes on the character and that's fine. I would never send hate to those that like him, but it is fun to bully him as the villain he is.

What does all this rambling mean though? It means that anyone that viscerally hates Eddie snd those that like him while actively saying how much they like Jeremy is entirely missing the point of the first game. The point is that no matter how terrible of people all these variants are, you are still supposed to hate what is happening to them, you aren't supposed to think they deserve to be there and should be without help. No, you are meant to see this as the greater ide aof how mental health is often toyed with and overlooked, how people are often let down and made worse by how terrible many systems are. How money can make those with just as devious thoughts be CEOs while those without are just tossed into a dirty box to be laughed at and prodded, destroyed further. It's meant to show that power imbalance.

You aren't supposed to agree with Murkoff, the point of the game is to see them as the villain. And if you instead are siding with the evil company at the end of the game, either you didn't play it right or you need to execute better critical thinking when enjoying media.

#foxie thoughts #outlast #outlast whistleblower

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