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taehyungsbabyygirl · 3 years

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Socialità

Chapter 1

Genres: Light fluff, tinge of romance and wholesome(?)

Warning(s): The littlest bit of sexual tension if you squint

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Fortune, fame, beauty.

Those are the things that people had associated you with.

Who does not know Y/F/N Y/L/N? You're basically in every magazine cover, every Youtube thumbnail and news headline. Surpassing Kylie Jenner as quote unquote The World's Richest Young Businesswoman and even beating Ariana Grande as the most followed female influencer on Instagram.

Who really are you? Well, to explain it simply to people who are unaware of you, your businesses and socialite status, you are the owner of a multi-billion dollar brand.

What started with a small online business at 16 which sells nightwear for women with affordable, cheap prices had bloomed into a luxury brand known for their elegant, classy clothing line, ranging from lingerie to formal clothing such as glamorous dresses to charming suits and tuxedos for both men and women.

The brand name? After years of rebranding, it's finally official that the name is, Socialità. Fitting with your brand's target market which were rich socialites from across the globe. Of course there was a reason for that, considering that the materials were high quality, imported ones such as satin and silk from Japan, Egyptian cotton, and French lace, also the designing and productions team who were amongst the best in the art of fashion and exclusivity of everything that was made under the brand, without a doubt would result in a higher cost of production and simultaneously a higher price for the merchandise itself.

And all this success did not come easy, there were countless times when you wanted to hideaway and give up on everything you had invested on. At the age of 28, you finally got to where you are now, thriving with the business that you had built with your own bare hands from the confines of your own bedroom.

But, there was one thing that you were lacking in, the love department. Although you were pretty much well-known by youngsters to elders alike, luck does not seem to be on your side when it comes to romantic relationships. It's not that you weren't romantic or sweet enough, gosh you are a hopeless romantic actually, but you just somehow fall for the wrong person, time and time again.

All the people you had dated once you established a name in the fashion world were either self-centered jerks or gold-digging leeches who were only there for the fame and riches. It's as if you had dated way more men than Taylor Swift ever had, except, you don't call these people out in songs.

Aside from owning a lavish clothing brand and billions to your name, having to work with socialite circles, had granted you the socialite status too. You'd be lying if you say that no rich bachelor had tried to flirt around with you but, your previous horrible experiences with dating as a successful businesswoman made you put your guard up and in the end turning you into the most sought after bachelorette of the 21st century.

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"What??? The Bachelorette?? Gosh guys, that would be a horrible idea." You shook your head, swirling the red wine in your glass before sipping on it.

It was a normal weekend evening for you and your peers aka your personal management team which consisted of Selma, Carrie, Lulu, Trey and Giovanni. Sitting in the dining room of your enormous mansion in Calabasas while drinking cheap wine and munching on Cheeto Puffs.

You just finished ranting about how you are so unlucky in love and that you're almost turning 30, without being cuffed to someone. In your opinion, people in their late 20s had already met that person and having good balance in their work, social and love lives but you're here having a nonexistent love life instead.

Tired of constantly listening to the same rants over and over again, Giovanni proposed that you put yourself in a controversial yet exciting TV show, The Bachelorette.

"Girllll you should give The Bachelorette a try, I mean I know that the show is basically scripted but it seems exciting, no?" Giovanni chirped.

"Oh my god yasssss! I'd have the time of my life if I'm surrounded by a dozen of good-looking hunks!" Carrie joined in and daydreamed.

You snorted and put your glass down on the marble surface of the table.

"Yeah but the men on there are usually insincere and only in it for their 60 seconds of fame and the winner of the show is probably just motivated by money. What difference does it make with me going to a private party or nightclub and getting to know dudes there?" You retorted; brow raising to your two friends.

"Sis, the difference is, these men would have to submit a form regarding their background and audition for the show! If you want, we could even be your reps during the audition. We know who are the best people for you!" Selma answered your rhetorical question while pouring herself another glass of wine. She's your PA and bestie so she knew how to reply with the same energy as yours.

Sighing deeply with your fingers pinching your nose bridge, you thought once, twice, thrice and made your decision. Well, what's the worst that could happen right?

"Fine, fine! I'm in with the idea. But if this thing goes south, I.Am.Out." The dominant businesswoman persona in you presented herself whilst the others, especially Giovanni, cheered upon your agreement with their idea.

-----

After months of preparations for your big reality TV debut, it was finally the day for the first week of The Bachelorette. Although you're the one being the prize and the one being chased, you felt uneasy and nervous to meet the men who had passed the auditions to become contestants.

"Don't worry! Me and Giovanni made sure that we only let the best ones pass the audition. And when I say the best ones, I meant, socialites, doctors, businessmen and even kinsmen of royalty!"

"Only the best for our QUEEN!"

Those were the words that came out of Selma and Gio's mouths. Thankfully you have these reliable people to help filter through the applicants of the program. If you gave the show's producers 100% control over who comes in and comes out of the show, it'll be a hot mess and they'd probably choose the men based on their looks and bulkiness but not necessarily the brains and skills.

Throughout the audition process, all of the men's background and names were kept a secret from you by Selma and Gio, it'll be a surprise, they said and you trusted them with it.

Sitting at the back of a limousine alone, you started to fidget with the dangling diamond of your earring subconsciously; a habit that you developed whenever you had cold feet.

The vehicle was heading towards the villa where the first meeting would happen between you, the bachelorette and your suitors.

You and the production team had discussed about how the first meeting would be. You thought that the idea of having to stand in front of the villa's front door while the men arrive in limos were quite cringy and not to mention time-consuming and unnatural so you proposed the idea of having the men arrive in a first come first serve basis and sit in numbered rooms in the villa while awaiting you. In that way, you could see who was punctual and who was late. But the catch is, the contestants only have 5 minutes to chat up with you and leave a good first impression.

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Alas, you finally reached the villa and stepped out of the automobile. Your dress was a satin, rosé coloured one with a modified A-line, basque waist and halter neckline; glamorous yet not over the top, suitable for a socialite like you.

Not wasting any time, once the cameras started rolling, you entered the ginormous villa and headed upstairs to the rooms, knocking the door gently before entering the space.

The first man you met was Kim Namjoon, he introduced himself as an engineer, a sound engineer. He was confident from the get go and eloquent too.

"Hmm an engineer ay?" You propped your head with the palm of your hand; leaning against the couch's back pillows.

"Yeah.. My family insisted I do that. I wanted to be a musician at first, and that's why I took up sound engineering now." He gave out a dimple smile which you couldn't help but grin at. They're adorable.

You liked his presence and how outspoken he was but sadly the 5 minutes were before you knew it.

Next, you met up with a gentleman named Im Jaebum. A winery owner. He gave you a warm hug from the first time you entered the room.

"I heard that you're a wine conoisseur yourself Y/N? I'd love to take you to Napa Valley where my winery is. I'm sure we'll have a blast there." He smiled and acted a bit smug.

"That sounds like a plan.. I'm not a person who would say no to wine." You replied with a light wink, returning the smugness to him.

Continuing on, after Jaebum, you entered a room which looked bigger than the previous two you'd been in.

By the big window, there was a man with broad shoulders who introduced himself as Kim Seokjin, as he turned around, he greeted you and pecked your hand.

"Nice to meet you I'm Kim Seokjin, just call me Jin." He smiled softly, inviting you to sit down next to him.

"Nice to meet you too Jin.. So what do you do?" You asked carefully; quite intrigued by how good-looking he is with the slicked back hairstyle he has.

"Well I'm a professor of English and Korean Literature. Probably one of the most uninteresting jobs among the other guys." He timidly admitted; being quite humble.

You immediately disagreed with his statement, telling him that literature components are fascinating and that educating people about it is a magnificent job.

Afterwards you conversed with a man named Park Jinyoung. He was also extremely dashing and he's a car dealer. But not just any car, the ones he sells are top brands such a Lamborghini, Maserati, Tesla and Ferrari.

"My job is amazing. Good money, good image, but there was something missing and I think we both could relate to that, we both are looking for love." He half-bragged which didn't really impress you but you agreed nonetheless.

As you politely excused yourself to move on to the next room, where the man was leaning back and scrolling through his phone. Fair skin and contrasting ebony coloured hair.

This guy gave off a cold vibe to you but that made you even more intrigued to get to know him.

"Hi..." You sat on the couch with him and he gave a small smile as he put his phone the side.

"Min Yoongi.. Nice to meet you." He extended his hand out to shake yours. A pretty formal greeting despite the consequences you two were in at the moment.

You two kept the conversation going by talking about your jobs and background. Everything you asked, he answered in all honestly and you liked that. The push-and-pull game was a fun one to play but with Yoongi, the small talk you had was chill and relaxed, the most natural one you had the whole night.

Up next was a kind looking male, taller than Yoongi who seem to be nervous about meeting you for the first time.

"Hello!" You greeted him with a bright smile to ease his anxiousness.

"Hi, hi.. I'm Mark Tuan. I'm an artist.." He abruptly greeted you back.

"Ooh! Like musically or..?" You tilted your head.

"Visually.. I draw and paint."

You led the conversation with the man since he looked very hesitant and awkward the whole time.

The next room had a bubbly and energetic man who was basically radiating good vibes as you entered the room. His name was Jung Hoseok. As you peeked into the room, he immediately walked towards you and gave you tight bear hug with a huge smile plastered on his face.

"Well besides my job as a paediatric specialist, I also enjoy dancing. Do you like to dance?" He jumped off the seat and proceeded to pull you up with him to playfully salsa. His actions made you laugh happily.

"You're so spontaneous!" You hit his chest lightly, still laughing at you guys' actions.

After the exciting interaction between you and Hoseok, you had to calm down and lower your expectations again after it skyrocketed because of the doctor earlier.

That's when you met a muscular man, if Hoseok earlier had radiated good boy vibes, this one radiated bad boy vibes.

He was Jackson Wang, a well-known socialite who is the heir of Wang Co. Ltd. A company which sells electronics such as smartphones, tablets and computers.

"Hello.." You said softly, slightly intimidated by the man's comparably bigger size to you.

"Hello, pretty lady." He took your hand in his and kissed it just like Jin had but his way of executing it was different. The male kissed each of your knuckle and it got you culture shocked.

"Oh wow.. Okay.." You laughed awkwardly as you looked at the man kiss your hand.

The conversation went well with him despite you noticing that he was practically staring at your with those deep brown eyes while you spoke about yourself to him.

The sexual tension was there and you were hoping, praying that the next man would tone down a bit and let you relax, thankfully custom jeweler, Park Jimin did.

"I'm a jeweler.. And can I just say, I adore these diamonds. You have remarkable taste." He proceeded to run his hand gently through the diamond earring you were wearing.

"Thank you! And I absolutely adore this choker you have on.." You reciprocated his action which made him smile softly.

Next up was the room of a private jet pilot named Choi Youngjae.

"Nice to meet you Y/N! I hope we could create good memories here. I'd love to bring you on a helicopter and show you the aerial view of California." He mused but you're not entirely impressed but acted as if you were in order to not hurt his feelings.

"Aww I'd like that. The view must be amazing!" You cringed at your own words but smart enough to mask it.

Hmm, you foresee someone who's potentially going to go home first in this show. His words lacked personality and character and not well thought.

Come on, you obviously had rode a helicopter and saw the aerial view of California. You ride it to work whenever the traffic is congested. He could at least thought of another country or state but instead he settled with Cali, the state where you are based in.

Disappointed, you moved on to the next room, surprisingly, the atmosphere was different, the area was dimly lit and the man sitting on the chair had his legs spread.

"Hi.." He spoke with a deep, low voice that caused you to bite your lip.

"Hello.." You smiled amidst the tense situation, making your way towards him.

"Kim Taehyung.. Fashion designer and owner of TH Couture." He answered without you asking.

The male was quite blunt but his demeanor was alluring. There was a mysterious aura circling him, totally someone to keep an eye on. The conversation was as intense as Jackson's but the two of you had the same interest which was fashion so you didn't feel as awkward as when you were with Jackson.

After Taehyung, it is down to three more people, you were already losing momentum and excitement as you already had spoken to 11 men that night. Before entering the next room, you took a deep breathe and loosen up your shoulders.

In the room was a man, he looked the most different, he had a lengthy name, a Thai one.

"Kunpimook Bhuwakul, but just call me Bam Bam.. I know my name's quite long and I'm also more comfy with Bam Bam.." He bowed to you like a gentleman and smiled handsomely at you.

"That's an adorable name! Bam Bam huh?" You sat down and grinned at the latter.

"You think so? You're adorable-er" He winked at you and caught you off-guard.

As the five minutes of jokes and flirty pickup lines ended, you bid farewell to the Thai man, little did you know that the person you just talked to was related to the Thai royal family.

Entering the 2nd last room, there was a tall man, looking around the well-furnished room but as soon as you came in, his attention diverted to you.

He greeted you with enthusiasm, introducing himself as Kim Yugyeom, an app developer and gaming streamer.

"Gosh you're pretty." He said straight-forwardly while smiling brightly and hugging you snugly.

"And GOSH you're tall!" You replied with those words and the same smile as what he had on his face. At this rate, reciprocation is really your best friend when you don't know how to react or reply to a certain remark from the suitors.

You talked about the apps Yugyeom had developed and the variations amazed you. He had created tons of apps such as games, workout apps, e-commerce platforms, online stores and sorts. But when he started talking about games, you began to lose interest in the chatter. Games weren't your strongest suit but you were happy that he is passionate about them and sharing it with you.

Finally! The last room! Which meant that this person is the last person to arrive to the villa. You wonder who this latecomer is and when you got into the area, your eyes widened.

Jeon Jungkook? He was somebody you had worked with and still actively working with. He is the person in charge of the photography and videography for Socialità and seeing him on The Bachelorette is a huge surprise.

"Wait.. JK?" You didn't know how to react.

"Hey! There's my girl!" He walked towards you with his bunny smile and gave you a hug. You couldn't believe that this was happening, Selma and Gio must've put him in to pull a prank on you.

"One question. Why?" You laughed in disbelief.

"Can't a man try?" He questioned back cheekily.

You two continued the conversation casually without any awkwardness as the two of you had known each other already. That was when you got to know that he had taken a liking on you ever since you two started working together. Everything he told you had sounded sincere so far.

-----

After the first meetings were over, all the men were put in the lounge to get to know each other's competition while you were interviewed by the crew regarding your first impressions of all of your suitors.

"Well everyone was pleasant. But there were a few who didn't pass my vibe check. I guess we just gotta see how it goes." You gave an ambiguous answer to the camera.

"Who do you think caught your eyes the most?" Henry, the producer asked.

"Hmm.. I don't want to seem bias, I mean this is the 1st episode after all but... Hoseok was fun to be around.. Jackson came off very strong. And well Jungkook too of course!"

"You seem to know him.." The producer stated.

"Yes yes.. We actually work together.. I didn't know that he'd want to participate in this show too." You shrugged and flashed a pearly white smile.

"Do you see anyone who might be going home soon?"

"Oof.. That's a dangerous question. That'd probably be ..."

To be continued (3 March, 12 AM, KST)

Author's note: Sorry for the delay guys! I underestimated the length of this chapter but I hope you guys like it! Don't forget to like and reblog this to show support! Also follow so you don't miss out on updates! This chapter is more of an introductory chapter so we'll be seeing more action and interaction between Y/N and de boyzzz.

Who do you think would be eliminated first?

Tagging @aretha170

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benevadeca · 2 years

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SAW the new cyrano movie and wow i liked it! anyway thoughts about it under the cut as it's like the 4th adaptation i've seen of cyrano lol.

so yeah in a lot of respects i do still prefer the national theater live's version in its rap translation thing. very obvious that these are two different adaptations that focused on different aspects of the source material made for different intents.

overall it was fun, i liked it! very artsy. one of roxane's songs was like kinda weird horny but it's the u know. romantic period drama sensuality and it was like at least tastefully done so eh! makes her a more understandable character than how she appears in most versions where it just feels like she wants to be in a better book club lmao

i DO think the musical adaptation of it was like, a good translation of a historical work for a modern non-french audience. but the songs, while fun and good and artsy, were kind of still at the same time sorta? idk generically...not Hollywood but idk. like songs u hear and go "yeah this is part of a musical"

[spoilers after this]

like cyrano the movie focusing on the romance plotline and the whole societal expectations/body image thing. loved the leitmotif of like, i forget the wording but "everyone wants to be loved for who they are" basically. the parallels betw christian and cyrano's deaths were rly good!

kind of mixed feelings on both of their death's honestly? but to focus on positives the parallel between christian sort of. giving up on roxane "i only want to be loved if it's for myself, and what roxane loves isn't me" and uhhh running into bullets basically. that paralleled with cyrano's "i have given up and am dying today". like it is the extreme lack of faith and emotional low that makes them easy pickings. i def had other thoughts but they are eluding me i need to marinate them a bit more maybe

but yeah on the cons side, i do think w/ the changes they made to cyrano's death scene (him getting his epic 10 seconds of mutual love and mouth on mouth), while more uh "positive" than other versions sort of undercuts the "tragedy" title of it. missed connections, too much has happened between the beginning and where we are now, cyrano's refusal to let go of his own pride and penchant for drama to fully accept its reciprocacy.

tho on that not his "and i loved...my pride" line was raw and epic it's like yes the realization all too late that you are your own worst enemy, you might've said you loved her but it was your inability to love yourself that affected your relationships with others, made it so you could never actually have any real faith in the person you love, that it was your simultaneous idolization and denegration of her image that got in the way. etc etc etc.

but yeah ANYWAY like it's bc the focus of the movie was fully on the romance and not any of the other themes that christian kind of got a worse deal than he usually does it almost feels like. like, the scenes he got were good ofc, but how he was fully cut out of the entire finale almost and basically just a prop for said 10 seconds of happiness that don't usually occur. also im still confused on that sequencing from christian's dead body to jesus i still don't get it but another thing marinating in my mind.

this is all to say ig that nothing goes as raw as national theater live having his dead body on the floor and then his actor physically between them in the entire end scene. also like idk there could've been just a little more of a focus on the "war is hell and it is the boys who never got to grow to be anything more than boys" bit

List of things cut:

OK so they cut a LOT from the original bc the original has that "art is controlled and censored by the people in power when it should be used to fight for the people" subplot, so basically everything from that is cut. which i get bc of time constrains w/ movies compared to theater productions, and like the director being the pride and prejudice director and the entire marketing of the movie being on the romance aspect of it and not that. so yeah i get the rationale! but sad tho

tbh i dont think it even explained specifically WHY cyrano said fuck that guy to montfleury in the beginning the whole convo cyrano had w his bro abt it just centered on roxane, and the "cyrano getting into a fight in the night to save his bro" scene was also subsequently refitted

cyrano's boyz night scene where he's dramatically reinacting his fight the previous night :( like instead it just has him angstily boxing in the corner which doesn't showcase his extreme chadness. also christian's introduction as just being kind of a mouthy brat lol

degich? i can never remember or spell his name but bitchy rich, they cut out his "war is bad and it's made me a better person" redemption arc but who cares so lol. moving on <3

roxane's epic girlboss moment was cut out. SAD. and subsequently the scene w/ the baker being a recurring character was ALSO cut out. quite the loss but ig they at least showcase roxane's ability to be an active character in other scenes so not a total loss

both of cyrano's moon monologues :( sad! also the timeskip being dramatically shorter and only three years. i do think switching his gradual health decline to be A-actualy consequences from the war and B-less him refusing to stop pissing people off without accepting help from others to just full inability to take care of himself. like yes really showcase his issues and also that poverty and its consequences exists outside of an aesthetic backdrop

Favorite changes things:

there was a musical/dance number in the bakery :) we only got to see the baker in that initial scene but love him

boyz night did get cut but the christian musical number kind of fucked hard so all is forgiven actually

OK depending on the variation the way cyrano dies changes, like he gets assassinated in diff ways so in one they drop bricks on him or smth and in another a carriage runs him over. (im p sure it's the 1990?) i think they referenced the carriage running him over version bc they had post-timeskip him walking and a carriage barrel pass and him collapse as it does (like. not it running him over just these two seperate events framed together) and i was like haha...i get the reference. kinda mean but i did laugh in the theater a little i was like brooooo

OH the movie starts not w in the theater but w roxane getting ready for it! so yeah epic girlboss moments. she didn't get to be angry at the very end like she was in the national theater live modern rap version but she did get a "im angry" song around the middle of the plot so u kno. girls who get to be angry

i do admit i cried at the scene where the ensemble cast of soldier's got to sing about their loved ones and accepting that they're being sent off to die. anyway

anyway yeah! i liked it it was good but i DO think if they were gonna strip it down to its bare romance they should've had cyrano and chris kiss also tho like it's simply only fair

#mine #lb #cyrano de bergerac #LIKE dont get me wrong i do think it did something fun and new and original as an adaptation #and the more slightly if not positive than 'lighter'#note was itself powerful esp w what and how it focused

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floralkittygambler · 3 years

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HuskerDust - More Toxic Than You Think [LONG]

This is the rough version of a deeper and more complex subject I want to ‘decorate’ with more ‘screencaps’. DISCLAIMER: This is allegedly controversial and led to me getting literal death threats and an ED triggered. Ive about heard a lot of people’s shit on this so dont try it. I’m speaking from personal experiences too - experiences I really fuckin dont wanna be sharin yet they kinda validate my points. I want people to be aware of the damaging image from someone who can speak from experience without attracting dickheads or people twisting things. Again, I aint particularly comfortable sharing this so yeah- Be courteous- TW AHEAD - ALSO LONG ASS READ. DNI STANS OR ANTIS. May tag a few folks, may not. HuskerDust is an extremely popular ship in the community however there’s glaringly obvious flaws in this one-sided relationship that both the fans and even the team fail to see. Neglecting the dangerous real world implications this ship [as well as many others] present to it’s audience - especially the more influenced of the audience, most who are children.

Angel flirts with all the male cast however one who catches his eye the most is Husk. Now I want to point out a few things [of many... obviously]; Angel is instantly starry eyed upon seeing Husk, likewise he actually started off with a ‘Hey~’ instead of something sexual. However he quickly ruins this after Husk tells him to go fuck himself [defined by: “ go fuck yourselfphrase of fuckVULGAR SLANGan exclamation expressing anger or contempt for, or rejection of, someone.” ie, he rejected instantly] by responding with an offer to allow Husk to essentially watch him masterbate. Alongside this, he cradles his face. Husk pulls away and seems to pull a face to express rage/disgust or growling imagery alongside COMPLETELY withdrawing his body away from Angel as Angel stares with goo-goo eyes. Firstly, Angel loves animals - perhaps it’s Husk appearing cute that adds to this, however Im not going to address animal imagery just yet. Secondly, Angel isn’t really portrayed to respect other’s boundaries BUT he does respect... Alastor’s. Al declines the blowjob to which Angel shrugs and doesn’t push this matter any further. With Husk, he’s pretty harshly told to piss off yet he makes quite and explicitly sexual remark, alongside invading his personal space and touching a man clearly disinterested and pulling away. From the initial rejection, it then becomes sexual harassment. I also want to add that Husk comes with [some] perks in his feline form. And if my name didnt make it obvious, I work with and live with cats on a daily. Briefly, I have been educated in how to understand cat’s language in various individual cat as well as how to handle and work with them. Cats are often drawn towards me and Ive been successful with various types of cats. My most recent being a cat I’ve dubbed as Big - Big was abandoned quite young and has lived most his life on the streets [where I live is high in crime and drug rings, so you can imagine how strays are treated] leading to him being extremely fearful and hating people, hissing and fleeing just seeing people. I took time out last summer to finally give befriending him a shot. It’s taken just under a year of hard work and now he visits every day for his mush [wet food] and kisses, responds to his name and runs up to me in delight. Ive even taught him a phrase to signal that I dont want him or the other cat’s to fight [keeps them all safe and aids them becoming acquainted under supervision - something that’s been working surprisingly well]. I apologise in advance as this is not going to be the first instance of this sort of thing but they are relevant. Trying my best to keep it as brief. For Husk, I will be using a mix of cat and human characteristics to break down his reactions. In this first interaction, he turns his body away in a way to suggest caution, wariness and disinterest. In fact, much of his general body language is that of a man deeply closed off from connections - for starters, he folds his arms quick a bit which suggests lack of openness, shutting off and defensiveness *usually*. Likewise, when touched, he slightly jumps and tenses before pulling back in aggression with flattered ears - a sign cats give to display extreme hostility in a situation. It’s NEVER a good thing but then again, neither is crossing someone’s boundaries. It’s even stated that Husk hates Angel’s advances and wishes for nothing to do with him - the same dislike of sexual advances that Al dislikes in Angel. The ending as they all walk inside, Angel turns to Husk, winking and blowing a kiss his way despite the clear rejection earlier. In fact, Husk once again grows tense and is even irked by such a gesture. This won’t be the last mention of Angel totally disregarding how Husk feels - something that rubs off onto the fans AND the team themselves. And it’s... *concerning*, to phrase it lightly. Angel so far is the most persistent towards the most resistant, and in my post on RadioDust I have already established [briefly] on how Angel seems to chase unavailable men. The more unavailable, the more tempting. The one that got away, mentality. It’s not healthy. And I’m surprised so few have acknowledged this. Taking a break from what we’ve seen in the Pilot, let’s establish some facts about the pair. Angel died in 1947 in his 30s [some posts specify 34-35], putting his birth year around 1911-12ish. Husk died in the 70s IN his 70s [again, nothing is truly specified, so for both we’ll go with 75 - the same number in his IG username] that puts birth year roughly 1900′s. Now an age gap between two adults of 11 - 12 years difference is actually reasonable and can work, depending on circumstance and whether theres a balance in power or not. But when we account for their life experiences and death ages, it’s something else entirely. Angel died young. Not only that but his mind seems more stuck in his raunchy teens than of an adult. And even THEN, he wouldnt be one to necessarily settle down [by which I mean in life, not romance]. He’s extremely emotionally stunted and his selfishness and wanting his own way come off very spoilt [when Husk is pissed off about the cat costume, Angel gets moody because he’s used to compliments AND is dressing to impress Husk. When Husk wanted the money he was rightfully owed, Angel threw a fit for ages until starting to earn it back - even though he owed Husk a drink, which I’ll be coming back to, Husk still wanted the money in the end perhaps hinting to only accepting a freebie as it’s on offer as well as Angel being overly persistent. He even dumps his pig onto Husk to look after, while theres no issue in pet sitting, Angel said Husk ‘owed’ him due to missing the show yet when HE owed Husk, he threw a fit.]. Angel’s life style is wildly chaotic in life AND death, and even though we all know he’s most likely going to be redeemed, he still lacks a lot of experiences in life. He lacks maturity. On the other hand, Husk’s been through his own share of chaos and heartbreak. Difference is, he’s had a life time of experience. He doesn’t act immature in a childish sense. He truly behaves like a downtrodden old man. He’s had his days and would feel more secure settling down in a more peaceful environment with fun yet much needed calm. A better way to handle his need for risk. Age gaps in adults that are large [75 - 35 = 40 years!] are far less likely to work for a multitude of reasons. The main reason is the difference in life stages - that difference in mentality and experiences plays such an impacting role on compatibility. Often their goals and energies are polar opposites and their common grounds minimal. There’s also the looming concern of power dynamics. Whilst it’s usually the older figure that’s holds the power advantage, in this case it’s a little bit more complicated. I’d argue that it��s possibly Angel with the higher power. This rarely works irl but it’s POSSIBLE. Look at Hugh Heffner and his last partner before his death. I believe she was around 22. However there’s many common grounds, immediate attraction, and similar goals. Though incorrect, Heffner does give off a pimp-like vibe (he’s not but you get what I’m implying with mothlike imagery). Husk does not strike me as that type. It would definitely cheapen his character. In terms of interests, the main thing they have in common is that they like to drink. A bad habit, especially when one is an alcoholic. Both are also rather lazy except for certain circumstances [Husk will go out of his way to help HOWEVER he’s obliged to under Al, the only one he’s seen to willingly help and bond with/be seen with is Niffty. Angel is when there’s a fight, chaos, drama or any sex work]. Both are also rather snarky and vulgar. In terms of love, both suffer intimacy issues. On Husk, it’s ‘losing the ability to love a long time ago’ meaning he was likely cheated on or at least had a failed relationship. If he was ever ready for a new start, he’d definitely want something stable yet rewarding. For now, he needs a LOT of work - work he is not yet willing to put in, nor does he have a reason to. Angel doesnt want to commit because he’s extremely selfish as well as in an already abusive ‘relationship’ already. Sex work is sometimes VERY taxing on the mental health due to some of the folk you service. He’s seen the worst in many and just enjoys the pay and fuck. IF Husk was cheated on, then it’d make a lot of sense if a sex worker wouldn’t be his flavour, it would just serve as a reminder. Not only this, but Angel HIMSELF actively participates in cheating. Not with Val... but with *Travis*. BOTH know Travis is married (I’d be feckin worried if Trav didnt-) yet they still choose to cheat anyways, regardless of the pain it could cause. Angel even mocks this by sending greetings to Trav’s wife. Honestly this... Reminds me a LOT of Stolas - a main character who sexually harasses another character clearly not interested/comfortable, participates in cheating and we’re supposed to root for them (and before anyone gets offended, I do have more to say on Angel’s behalf so please be patient). Either way, it’s very toxic and concerning. Even if Husk wasn’t cheated on, I dont think many would feel exactly secure after having such a rough past with love, diving into a relationship with someone who’s openly participated in multiple affairs. And that’s no shitting on sex workers either, it’s just a point that some would feel uncomfortable with the idea of being with ANYONE (regardless of their work) having actively and KNOWINGLY took part in having an affair previously - especially multiple. Husk’s in an emotionally fragile place and needs more security. We’ve already established Husk heavily dislikes Angel’s advances. In fact, his responses to Angel are similar to his responses to... Al! His body language is VERY test and closed off to even Al, who’s most likely knew him for a very long time. If even Al gets this treatment (whilst also disrespecting his boundaries) then it’ll be the same with Angel (both force Husk into their lives and schemes, both disregard his boundaries). And he’s shown to STILL go out his way to help both however this is most likely tied to an unspoken ‘debt’ he owes Alastor. Plus he’s been mentioned behind the scenes to be a secret softie and protective grandpa type. But this animosity is very reflective of how Loona behaves and responds to Blitzo as well as how both Loona AND Husk (One being a ‘lowly servant’, the other being a literal old MAN) as pets - even the fans - just because of their forms. But this isnt the first of the disrespect they receive. Now we delve deeper Both are addicts of some kind (Husk - drinking, gambling. Angel - Drugs, possibly sex). Not a good mix at all romantically. Addicts often and unintentionally feed their addictions to each other as well as can increase likelihood of relapsing which even a recovered addict can slip back into. When times get tough (a natural occurrence) both are likely to suffer with their addictions. Interestingly, they can become addicted and dependent on one another, which is genuinely unhealthy for a mindset anyways, regardless whether addiction existed prior or not. Addiction only increases these chances. Angel likes confidence in a man (confirmed on Patreon). Yet, Husk is even confirmed in streams to be deeply troubled and insecure. One thing he hates is his demon form, something that we’ll touch on shortly. Angel loves quality food ESPECIALLY of Italian origin whilst Husk is willing to eat the shit they give you in bars (admittedly that was painful to type as someone who grew up around pubs - either way it’s not exactly high quality or gourmet is what I’m saying). Interestingly, in some character references of Angel, it’s stated that he hates rejection. Hates. That’s a VERY strong word. This could explain but not justify why he’s persistent with Husk (similar to NiceGuys believing you’re playing ‘hard to get’ - further illuding to an immature and toxic mindset) though it interestingly doesn’t apply with Alastor. Odd. There’s a counterpoint to symbolism in art. A very VALID counterarguement... If it suited Viv’s style. During Media Studies, Business, Design and Art, hell fucking Silent Hill! - I’ve been educated on effective symbolism as well as artistic trademarks (the most famous that most should know is Alfred Hitchcock!). Hitchcock often appeared in all his films, usually as a sidefacing silhouette, trading marking his films with his very PRESENCE. Viv’s seems to revolve around hearts. I mention this because an IG account made the point that hearts were to symbolise anyone connected with Angel’s story and love life (Valentino’s business and shades/collar, heart behind Angel’s head, Heart tattoo on Cherri’s right shoulder, hearts for Husk’s paws, eyebrow marks above natural brows, wings, and nose as well as most of the playing cards). Thing is, there’s hearts EVERYWHERE in all of Viv’s works and such symbology of Angel and hearts is weakened if it connects to the villains/abusers as well - taking away the positivity in a love symbol. Viv’s used hearts in her font, backgrounds, in characters ears, in all her series just generalised, Blitzo’s forehead, background characters, again the cards, Travis’s eyes, Millie’s right shoulder in the SAME place as Cherris. Even Vaggie had a heart tattoo on the shoulder in some christmas themed artwork (on her left). Heart’s is just something Viv seems to brand herself with. And that’s fine though I feel she could do with cutting it down slightly. One thing to early note on the cards (again, this’ll creep up later and my name should tell you why), most are heart suits and usually either a face card (J, Q, K), Joker, ace or 2s. Face cards/Jokers for more details close up (look at the signing artwork) and the rest are just easier to animate, though a little bit of a peeve to someone into their cards as well as the massive overuse of red in Hazbin overall. It’s extremely unlikely to be symbolic. If they change it to be so, then it’s... Weakened. As I’ve mentioned earlier, Silent Hill is an example of extremely clever symbolism in more darker media (more so, SH is considered a ‘hell’ of sorts and does feature religious iconography WITHOUT causing offence. A great example of how to portray this type of thing - they even mix humour in if you consider some of the sneaky references, dialogues and odd UFO/dog endings). Discussing Viv’s art further, she drew a gift for her sister (original creator of Husk when he possessed white fur) of Angel playfully dragging a disinterested and annoyed Husk (I believe this was still around the time SpiderMoth was canon). The newish art tends to have Angel putting a holly crown on him or sitting on his knees, Husk seeming too lazy to really do anything about it. Very nonchalant. I also want to include some interesting stream arts here and later to further highlight their bond. A fan asked Viv in a stream to draw them “actually getting along” - this wording implying that the fan is aware of Husk not enjoying Angel’s company. So Viv did, with an extra doodle of Husk being one of the ‘canadian people’ from South Park who sing “Im not your friend”. The art alone shows Husk’s absolute discomfort, even the extra thing Viv added w/o request. As they’re her characters and the fan asked for what they’d look like getting along, to show this discomfort goes to show the dynamic once planned. Husk just isnt a fan of Angel, especially when he’s being sexual and touchy. It can be great for small comedic parts, however both the team AND fans have now crossed this over to really creepy and triggering realms in their ships. It’s creepy and doesnt look good on Angel (who they actively root for) nor the gay community (more on that).

[Yes Ive already pointed out the comedic side of this ^ but it doesnt bode well considering the other points and issues that arise] There’s also a request for drag angel flirting with drunk husk. Personally thats a lil creepy to specify one of the two being intoxicated and thus not able to truly consent. If Angel is willing to flirt with someone in that state, it doesnt mean he would fuck them, but it does feel the fan was thinking that’s the case. In all truth, I think Angel WOULD flirt with those incapable of consent purely to swindle or pickpocket. I’d like to think [and HOPE considering his own abuse by Val] that he’d never take it further. And I hope Viv, the team and the fans see how incredibly creepy that thought is. I’ll give benefit of the doubt though it is still a concern. Either way, Angel appears... Annoyed? Husk is completely turned away and seems incredibly grouchy and confused. This shows yet more rejection on his behalf as well as Angel’s response to being rejected, which highlights his immaturity towards it. Remember, he’s USED TO and EXPECTS everyone to want him (even saying this in the Pilot). Hell, there’s even a Rich Vaggie request where Viv again randomly includes Husk. This time, he’s faced towards her and relaxed, though seems unimpressed and overall disinterested in this type of behaviour. Behaviour and interests of Angel [Celeb status and rich appearance due to Val, despite getting very little of the cut and the vanity, as well as Husk just not giving a shit about this sort of peacock display]. (Also wanted to note in Viv’s #3 stream 1:50:50, Faust makes out that Husk is a ‘dirty, creepy old man’ as well as him constantly threatening violence towards Angel. I dont see him as *creepy* in this context - as it implies perversion that he blatantly lacks fortunately - though it’s very telling of how Husk feels and again shows this toxic relationship).

/Angel’s Type: First off, daddy issues. He has them. Now let’s look at ‘daddy’. Henroin is shorter than Angel, dark fur, grumpy, old, wears only a hat and tie, big brows... Sounds familiar? Ok, look at his brother Arackniss. Similar to Henroin, dark, short, grouchy, bullied by and bullies Angel, is adverse to Angel and overall possess a bad relationship. Ok.... His main client, Travis! Short, dark fur, moody, Only wears hat and tie, drinker (shown in stream as request so take drinking with a pinch), similar face to- Is no one else seeing this trait? Angel seems to go for these shorter than him grouchier men who either want him for sex or hate his presence. Men who are like his dad and brother. All of these guys are far too similar, and we’ve got enough men in suits, bowties and sharp teeth in this show to boot as it is- The psychology of this type of attachment is rooted in a bad familial relationship alongside the subconscious desire to repair or compensate for it. Unknowningly the person will keep seeking out this sort of guy who isnt good for them to fix this internal issue. The resolution is to NOT go for these types. It’s also connected to intimacy fears, by going for those you know arent good for you/right for you/interested in you is often the manifestation of these issues. Pair them with daddy issues and it’s a disaster! There is science to back this up. Valentino is interestingly the opposite yet still toxic issues arise. Why? Because he’s going from one extreme to the other but with the same mindset. Neither of these men or types for MANY reasons are right for him. And visa versa. Seeing a pattern? ~~~~

Angel w Husk? I mentioned before that Husk hates his demon form. If you’re an old man, a gambler, some Vegas bloke and have this grouchier disposition, why the fuck would you want to look like an oversized pet? Exactly. Angel however adores his own aside from the feet. Now I find it strange how the guy we’re rooting for just so happens to like his own form which was intended for punishment. But that’s not todays post. I said earlier that Angel is heavily fixated on Husk’s appearance. Especially the feline aspects (calling him Husky and Kitty - petnames he hates that also treat him again more like a pet than a man -, dressing as a ‘sexy cat’ to appeal to him which can come off as more mockery. This is even backed up by fans who seem to think an old guy’s gonna act like some school girl anime trope?). All of this completely disregards and disrespects Husk’s feelings and perspectives. Something the fans and team take part in actively. Angel - whether you want to hear this or not - is SELFISH. When Husk ‘owed’ him for missing the show (babysitting Fat Nuggets), Husk begrudgingly fulfils this. The second Angel owed Husk for stealing drinks, Angel threw a hissy fit. The silent treatment, going to other bars and posting about it whilst complaining (again focusing on Husk being ‘cute’). Trying to cop out of it by buying Husk a smoothie (though it looked like a date, lets be real, do you REALLY have to bribe someone to date and be around you? No) and even then he still had to owe the money which was more of Husk’s concern. Yes he did in the end and more money than needed, hence the returning of the extra cash, but that is no excuse for the childish behaviour prior. He’s much too accustomed to being adored and pampered and getting his own way that he cant grasp when people arent a fan or willing to pamper him. If they make them a ship, all it does it make Angel completely into a shitty Gary-Stu that everyone loves and pities for his suffering, rather than teach him to grow, earn his redemption and confronting his own toxicity. Let me make this extremely clear: ANGEL DOES NOT DESERVE ABUSE OR RAPE. But when he starts behaving as shitty, he’s hard to root for. Remember, he’s sexually harassing all these guys, with Husk getting the brunt of it. But it’s treated as a joke for them and only taken seriously for Angel. Val abuses all of his employees. He abuses VOX and even THAT was mocked by fans and staff. It’s... It’s frankly gross. In every interaction Husk has with Angel, his body language is closed off, tense, uncomfortable, turned away and hostile - look at the IG. He wont even allow Angel to touch him. Compare this to Niffty, who he’s fine with taking pictures with and letting her hang around and touch him. Body language is relaxed (relaxed shoulders, open body language) and he doesnt look hostile at all. What does Angel do? Always tries to get close to Husk (such as sitting as close as possible during Poker) and forces both his OWN hobbies onto Husk (ones that Husk shows a strong disinterest in) and Husk’s hobbies (Poker). It’s very FORCED and not natural. Going back to immaturity, he blames Husk and his cards for being shit at the game. They’re always bickering, insulting, fighting in the comments but fans only see this as a ‘cute couple fight’ or Husk being ‘tsundere’.Tsundere. An anime trope often used in young characters. Irl tsundere is NOT this dramatised. The tsundere you see in anime, apply that irl and you get the recipe for the most toxic, petty and immature relationship going. You get constant fights, unease, not feeling loved/appreciated, little trust - the list goes on. Plus an old bloke really isnt going to indulge in tsundere traits. It’s childish. After his history with love, I doubt he’d be up for games and messing about. For something meaningful, he’d just want open honesty. Their ‘relationship’ feels like it’s written by horny kids attempting a fanfic after being inspired by 50 shades and twilight (both show toxic relationshiiiiiips~). The worst is that these are adult writers trying to portray some realistic yet sensitive topics. This is just ill fuckin taste. Even the warnings in Helluva’s ‘Horny Demons’ leaves a bad taste when the fans are thinking Stolas is the best dad despite both parents ruining Octavia’s mental health. Despite the next day after that episode aired Stolas starts flirting with Blitzo again on IG. Despite Blitzo being clearly uncomfortable and sexually harassed and even co-herced into sex (VERY UNHEALTHY MESSAGES HERE). Viv herself has been in bad relationships so how the fuck she’s blind to this and even borderline fetishizing this sort of behaviour that everyone seems to play off as ‘Awwww cute tsundere <3 BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS’ is abhorrent. I’ll go into this more later on how this really just... It treats male sexual harassment and assault as a fucking joke- Angel’s constant unwarranted flirting is no different from the freaks on IG that send dick pics to underage kids and random women in their dms and fathom that they’re ‘nice’ and have a ‘chance’. Wanna know the creepiest? The candid photo of Husk on Angel’s wall. Something Husk seems horrified about. It’s fangirlish and teenager like at BEST, and obsessive stalker at worst. He’s NOT respecting Husk’s boundaries or feelings. That’s still up despite Husk’s reaction. He still wore the costume despite Husk’s feelings. Angel’s thinking with his dick and it’s such a fucked up message that everyone seems to support just because ‘its FICTION. Theyre in HELL.Theyre BAD people.’ Yeah? Well look at how that’s effecting and warping reality and perspective. It’s glamourising it. Fetishsizing stalking and making it cute. Yer have celebrity or boyband or whatever youre a fan of pics on your wall. NOT your crush. NOT someone who clearly isnt interested or happy with this. If someone who kept commenting on your pictures “sexy” suddenly had a picture of you on their wall, what would YOU think? How would YOU FEEL? Because myself and my own sisters have been in VERY fucking similar situations and it’s traumatic. His paw is even attempting the lens - Angel is crossing his boundaries and not getting the message that Husk doesnt want this. He’s forcing himself onto Husk. Yknow... VAL forced himself on Angel and it ended up in numerous rapes. Angel hasnt raped Husk, but if he wont take no. If he wont respect boundaries. If he only wants Husk to do what he wants but throws a fit when he owes husk - he’s picking up on Val’s bad habits more and more. How are so few - even the very team creating this - not seeing how disgusting this is? Are we only supposed to give a shit if Angels hurt? If so, the message isnt so much of how despicable Val is but how awful it is to upset Angel. Fans constantly blame Husk for being grumpy, annoyed at or rejecting Angel. Look at this real world implication. Not only that but Angel being gay just reinforces one of the worlds most disgusting and inaccurate stereotype of gay men being sexual predators and forcing men to have sex whether theyre comfortable or not. MOST gay men arent like this, and those who are its just because THEYRE shitty people (Jeffree fucking Starr, but look how people ‘stan’ his fuckin behaviour). Val is rubbing off on Angel as much as fiction has a MASSIVE impact on reality - whether we’re willing to admit it or not. Like Val, hes pushing past boundaries, he’s selfish, hes more into visuals than anything else. It’s one sided, superficial and theres no click. No connection. Be in this situation yourself and seeing this sorta shit becomes second nature to stay alive. Angel even says that most of hells residents are ‘ugly freaks’ yet finds Husk cute. It’s all LOOKS. Who else likes appearances alone? Val. I know this will trigger and upset fans, Ive been told to fucking die and have my ED triggered when I mentioned it before. But accept that all of them have flaws. Everyone irl have flaws. But there’s flaws and then theres a fuckin crime. If Husk was a woman, more people would see the flaw, but even then... Look at many romance movies - not all but many go for opposites attract (science proves this inaccurate irl), stalking, or even sexual harassments and assualts but she falls for him and they end up together. That aint love thats Stockholm with extra steps. Think you’re triggered and upset? Go through this shit - have a history with it happening - and then see some show you love and a comfort character get treated the exact same and everyone JUSTIFIES it, including the team themselves. It’s NOT cute. Part 2 to the previous point: Both do share common interests, but it’s very unhealthy such as excessive drinking, both being addicts and being rather lazy, etc. Otherwise the common ground just isnt good. They’re opposites that really dont compliment each other. (Not a valid point here but I find it interesting how Angel loves aquariums and Husk can fly too). Viv’s writing is mediocre at best (but with glowing potential - a diamond in the rough - hence why it’s so frustrating) but Husk’s writing is the laziest. According to Viv he’s (paraphrased) “easiest to write... doesnt care about anything, almost always grumpy leading to similar reactions to everything”. His voice and alcoholism even has a lot of inspiration from Rick Sanchez. As I said with Angel in the RadioDust post, it’s almost like the addictions are seen as a joke. A running gag is fine if you can play it off well and it’s not about something so serious EVEN MORE SO when the series is about how damaging the addictions are and redemption. Why is this end goal being ignored unless it’s about Angel himself? That’s not just favouritism or bias, that’s also heavily self indulgent and a backwards ass message. Right now, Hazbin and Helluva have this ugly fixation on sex and ships. VIV has a fixation on ‘horny demons’. Her main characters are incredibly sexual bar Al (dont even say Husk, Niffty, Charlie or Vaggie or even loona and Moxxie are even on par with the focus and treatment Val, Angel, Blitz and Stolas are given). It’s very fixated and concerning. Its starting to feel like it’s about to divulge into hentai than a legit series with even a hint of the plot or a message. It reminds me of Family Guy trying to be BoJack. It’s starting to remind me of fucking Sausage Party and the final orgy. Sex and swears makes it inappropriate for kids but that doesnt make it adult or mature, and this is coming from someone who swears more than a fucking sailor whos stubbed his bare pinky toe on a fucking crate corner. Constant swears arent funny or artful in the slightest when it’s over done. It’s just... childish adult humour. We cant be expected to want to root for any of them at this rate- All A24 and other companies are seeing is big cash and easily manipulated child audiences (for easy money). They KNOW it can be better but theyd rather be lazy as they’ll profit big either way. This is going to end up like YanSim and YanDev. Amazing potential, shit writing with a leader too stubborn to accept and act on criticism, seeing it as hate. At this point, Husk isnt a deeply troubled man with vices and interests. He’s just fuck candy and romantic end goal for Angel. To compliment and complete him. Just another accessory to the Angel Show. Vivs sister who made Husk even loves Angel so it’ll only serve to further this already toxic narrative. The ship doesnt look or feel right. There’s too much established now to see the dynamics and favouritism in the creators. Self indulgence. You cant play favourites when you do this sort of thing professionally. The audience can see it and it turns people away. Ask any nonHaz/Helluva fan what they think and it’s... Well, average. Another thing is everyone went full hype on Frozen focusing on something other than romance as a form of love. But then go back to “Ok now everyone reenact the final scenes of Sausage Party” afterwards. Not everything is sex and romance, and it really is starting to feel Viv and the fans are focused on that like Incels focusing on ‘chad’. It’s creepy. Helping with food, telling someone self conscious on their weight that they’re not fat, not taking more money than someone owes, even helping out with a pet - that’s something that a good friend would do. In fact, Husk even laughs at the goofy Angel cutout and it being destroyed. It doesnt instantly equate to wanting to fuck. The fact that the fans and even some of the team seem borderline horny is... Completely destroying this show, it’s message and everything about it. Viv said ships were hardly the focus in her stream but look at it now. Look at what Viv focuses on now. It’s just fanservice shit. Nothing more. Self indulgence shit, look at the team making rape into a fetish or shipping themselves publicly with the characters on the public IGs. It’s like watching children run a business and it’s painful because the entire series is suffering when it could be amazing. Friendship should be more normalised as a valuable type of relationship just as much as love or family are. I’ll also add that Husk adding after the show “Oh fuck... Is this what I missed? Shit.” is ooc like the ‘date’ (that was compensation for stolen drinks, like a tamer version of Blitzo fucking Stolas for the grimoire). It contradicts that he slept it off rather than an attempt at staying awake, as well as calling it a “god damn peepshow” implying a repulsion to the peverse tendencies. The constantly commenting, following and posting Angel related pics makes little sense either from someone who’s blatantly been sexually harassed as well as the clear repulsion of the candid pic on the wall. He outright rejected Angel. What would be realistic are the IGs focusing on learning about the characters, their lives and interests - ALL updating at realistic paces. Old men arent tech savvy usually nor care for social media that much. He’d post drinks, gambling, casinos, life with Niffty and Alastor. Heck maybe a picture of Angel captioned “When will this guy leave me the FUCK alone?”. He even only seems to tag angel, even in the pic that had Charlie and Vaggie [their shared account] or Niffty. Theres a CLEAR bias in the staff room and it’s messy. Look how most the female cast is ignored (Vaggie/Charlie, Velvet who posted a birthday gift to one of the new artists on the merch WHY? Gasu btw, Niffty, Millie only posting twice - heck even Vox and Loona sometimes get neglected. CLEAR. BIAS.) The ships focused on are 1) NOT established canon yet publicly favoured by Viv and the team (Stoliz, HuskerDust, VoxVal - that last pair havent actually got a VA either-), 2) Are TOXIC and theme around abuse or sexual harassment but it’s ‘cute because gae’ - NO. This makes gay people look really bad when they’re not. 3) HD and SL focus on one sided, stalkerish, cop out ‘tsundere’ excused ships to sugar coat the creepiness which only further fuels bigotry, 4) SL has MERCH on it now, so thats also profiting on sexual harassment imagery (again, dont give a shit they arent real - the EFFECTS are. The people who can relate ARE. The people being horridly stereotyped ARE). Thing is, the IGs originally were there to promote ADDICT which started as a fan song anyways despite everyone saying how Viv is stubborn in her ways an uninfluenced by her fans (proof says otherwise) yet shes allowed a fan song to be canon. Theres a focus on forced love for fanservice. The IGs have long outstayed their welcome. The Val account allows glamourisation of the sick shit Val does AND entinses fans to bully as they forget a REAL PERSON runs the fucking account, Val isnt even a scary villain either - hes just a big teen like everyone else - stuck in a teen drama with all this. Pimps are smart. Theyre scary. Theyre masters of manipulati- HOW DO THEY NOT DO THE RESEARCH?! Viv wanted this sense of realism and dealing with sensitive topics in one of the worst executed ways Ive ever seen- It’s toxic. It’s dangerous. These are shit messages and your fans display that when they think all criticism is ‘hAtE’ and actively bully real people w REAL EXPERIENCES. Telling them to ‘stop pls’ does fuck all because you still promote shit messages straight after. Like with Stolas to Blitz in a IG story a day after Ep 2. Classy. Fanservice seems desperate to keep these fans (rather than market correctly... Just like YanDev) and it leads to fans feeling like they have the audacity to steer the series. Poor business with WEAK boundaries. Viv, you lost your series a long time ago. Want it back? LISTEN TO LEGIT CRITICISM. Stop surrounding yourself with yes men. Even my best fucking friend calls me out when Im out of line because a real friend will fucking take the chance of hurting your feelings if it means helping you in the long run and grow. Mick joked about the inside of Husk’s ears matching Angels coat, that the ears are cat’s most sensitive and vulnerable parts. 1) Cats vulnerable part is their tummy - hence why you need their trust first (alternatively yer get the odd cat that has full confidence they cat hurt you a lot faster than you can tickle them - I own one), 2) Its weird that Viv doesnt know this considering how many cats she has - its important to learn the language of those you love to give them your full understanding and a great bond 3) This romanticises sexual harassment more than it already is in the media (remember, theres women out there still murdered for saying no!) as well as reinforces the stereotypes of gay men forcing non-interested men into sex (again, a very toxic and unrealistic trope - a dangerous one thats led to gays being murdered!). And the ears design is unnecessarily overly complex considering those fuckin wings he supports. If the design adds nothing to the character but aesthetic, then it can go on the chopping block. Rules for simple animation. Besides from Angel sharing the same tooth as Val (who knows if that was added after he started working for Val as branding?) you could use this argument to say Pent or Al are soulmates for Angel because of having striped suits, or sharp teeth - no, it was intended as a joke that Viv fueled to irresponsibly because it’s not the first time she’s dodged publicly addressing something (something youll NEED to get used to in a big company), and she’s publicly dodged shit after this too so Im not putting faith in her until she can act professionally as the job requires. Likewise, professionals should consider what and how they joke as they’re presenting an image of a company/business. And people WILL eat that shit up face value regardless. In her stream #2, a fan requests for art of flustered angel and smug husk to fuel their ship. at 2:10:21, she does so. She’s also done this for Baxter x Niffty and Cherri x Tom. As a professional, you really should be avoiding this sort of thing in the name of fanservice. I get it, fanservice = financial gain. But it also results in empty meaning. It’s a shell of what the passion project once was, hence why you make the ENTIRE skeleton before involving others. The team help construct the muscles, tendons and organs. The public - moreso critics and the more experienced in those fields help sew the skin. Then you bring it to life, the fans become like blood. They aid to keep it alive. Even Ash and Mick mention Husk being ‘tsundere’. Im had most my piece about it earlier, however I’ll repeat and add some extras. Tsundere is an exaggerated personality, often used in younger characters. In terms of a relationship, it’s very immature, leads to poor communication and results in a toxic love. Science can back this up as well as the lack of realism. It’s more immature minds/hearts that go to what they interpret as tsundere in hopes of the love life the media portrays. A farce. Y’know what Angel needs? Someone open, honest, open to love and comforting. He doesnt need someone rebuffing and him chasing. It’s nothing more than an immature thrill. Once the love begins, it’s burns out QUICK. It’s far from sustainable or healthy. It’s not what either really need and further show Angel’s fixation on men who subconsciously remind him of his father. It’s not healthy. Another thing is a tsundere actually IS interested but shows it in the most immature and childish means possible. Would a really old bloke actually give a shit to play those sorts of games? No. Not one coming from a place like husk has. It’s painful how lacking in research and experience these people are. Science backs up that opposites solemnly attract also. In fact, they often either repel or only get as far as friendship. Fan and Team Mentality in Brief: Im coming out with my ultimate pet peeve: if you’re going to have one of the MAIN characters be a gambler, do your research. The only background shit is a casino, LOADS of sex references (in Pride? Really?) and drugs. It’s like someone listing what they think is adult and tabboo and naughty. It’s yikes. Cards are almost always aces, 2s or blank. MOST are heart suits (like we need MORE red - we get it, it’s hell. But it’s an immature larvae stage hell). I get 2s and aces being easier to animate, however you have Husks wings, the entire of alastor, angels arms - if youre busting the budget for the menial then bust it to the cards. Theres like ONE spade. The full house isnt a full house (here’s a display of the fans lack of education on the matter as well which serves as a sure sign that they know just as little on any of this as SpindleHorse, they think it’s a sign on him being a card cheat. A card cheat. I aint saying hes not but what I AM saying is poker professionals are some of the most observant people in the world. Especially when money’s involved they’ll ensure youve got your facts right. That wouldnt fly at ALL. But theres more~ fans think Husk spent loaaaads of time staring at angel’s face in the IG poker out of <3 Newsflash. When you play poker you read EVERYONE like a book. Every little twist and twitch of the features. Its not about love. It’s about winning. Its about money. Play enough poker and it’s instinct if you want to actually play decently. Call bluffs. Life aint a fuckin romance.) And playing Poker at a BlackJack table? In a casino? These are all common knowledge and basics if you just research. And this is coming from someone with a history of this. The fans even believed Tipsy Bartender’s ‘Peach Princess Cocktail’ was something Spindlehorse made as a beverage form of Niffty, Angel and even Charlie because of the name. Now, Im not expecting everyone to be a fuckin boozy either, but to not even consider it’s a very real drink does show that many fans are far too young for that 18+ label. Fanart of HD often has Husk being OOC OR being held hostage (often via webs - one even being reblogged by Viv, aint that cute!). Some even have Husk completely intoxicated, which would be rape. Im not sugarcoating it. Because too many are getting the sweet treatment and copying Viv’s ‘dont address and it disappears!’ tactic - A LOT of internet celebs do it. The ship is drawn a lot by the team in the public eye, Viv reblogs it publicly (SL, HD, alongside canon only ships, how curious-). Husk is pan yet doesnt behave as the stereotype. And Id FULLY support this with my fucking SOUL (fun fact: you cant sell a soul. Thats myth to scare people-) if it was done correctly. But the way bisexuals, lesbians, gays and aces are portrayed so stereotypically (even Pan in terms of Val’s sexomania), it’s really REALLY uncomfortly coming across as Husk being pansexual JUST to make him an ‘option’ for Angel. Hell even the hets are given a shite representation. Some art btw has husk tricked into a kiss. Cute, we’re really starting to like blurring consent aint we? Remember, Angel has celeb power in his world. In the real world, he has a following. HE has the power in the ship massively. Hell, fans JUSTIFY Angels behaviour and absolutely rip Husk a new shithole if he fuckin even so as to DARE OPPOSE ANGELS MUCH DESERVED LOVE! - sarcasm because I have to make that shit clear now. Fans dont care about Husks feelings, he wasnt even popular until this ship started to explode. Y’know what would be cool and break stereotypes? An old straight white guy actually accepting his friends sexualities. The pan thing feels really fucking gimicky and exploitive and gross based on the history of all this shit. It feels disingenuine. Representation doesnt come from it just being there. What next? Katie whips on blackface to further show shes a bigoted knobhead whos white and straight? Dont get me wrong, Katie’s an arsehole but theres other means to show this rather than ALL HETS HATE THE BIG GAE. They dont. They really dont. But hey, we’ll show a gay man sexually harass every guy and root for him! NO. Thats fucked up. It makes gays look like the predators theyre not. It’s like the fucking 50s with modern tech - is that the real identity of Vox? Fuckin maybe. WHAT THEY NEED - FUCKING FINALLY, ITS THE END IVE BEEN ON THIS SHIT FOR DAYS WHILST SICK LUCKY ME EH? CAN YER FEEEEEEEL MY TIREDNESS OF FANDOMS AND CREATORS EXCUSING SHITTY THINGS FOR CLOUT, MONEY, FAME AND OTHER DUMB SHIT? IF YOU CANT, THEN WHAT THE FUCK, AND OTHER NEWS: Right. Lets get our main shit. Compatibility between the pair is really low - lower than even the team seems to see. And yer old fart of a Hag here’s gotta use my personal suffering as an example because thats what the cool kids do, right? Their friendship compatibility is high. VERY high. But low for love. HEALTHY love. In terms of convo flow, it only has a river when insults are flying, otherwise Husk actively cuts Angel short or outright annoys him. In reality, someone like Husk would gross out Angel, but the cute cat look can turn that the fuck around - JUST the look. Fans and the team oddly think it’s cute though. Yes, I remember being negged at the bar and thinking “BOY arent my pants flooded like the fuckin planet when the ice caps are melting”. There’s no click. Theres infatuation and lust one sided based on looks. Husk isnt even remotely interested and no means delayed yes apparently. Angel as a rape VICTIM should know better than to blur consent like this. Angel isnt a rapist [for the skim reading raging stans ANGELS NOT A RAPIST, YAAAAAY!] but he sure has a shit grip on when he’s looking like Val when Val forced Angel into a kiss by not accepting rejection. It’s. CREEPY. Its fuckin weird. Husk is literally named after being a shell of his former self, I doubt random sex and forced interest is gonna make him spring to life like bastard Zeberdy from the Magic Pissin Roundabout. Honestly, sexual harassment and addictions are treated the same in this - a joke. A punchline. A gag. Sure makes me fuckin gag. Nah, the more healthier Chaggie relationship (needs work on Charlies damn part - dont let freaky taxidermy men sexually assault your life partner like that) is booooring, lets focus on sexual harassment leading to true love like all the other shitty romcoms shall we? Or sugar coat it with ‘getting to know them better <3′ like Beauty and the Beast. A story, by yours truly: My mom’s mates with this woman. Lets call her M because her name starts with an M. M is just like Angel except slightly older, overweight and disabled - so not everyones cup of tea visually (shes neither here nor there to me imo, not like I hold interest in shaggin her). Like Angel, she fuckin flirts with any ANY man around her. She’ll even touch without consent, rub allllll up and down their backs and bodies, and not leave them alone. She even did this with a few gay men. Shes not a horrible person BUT mom and I are constantly trying to stop her and get through her head how DISGUSTING this treatment is. But nothing gets the message across. Shes ALWAYS talking men and sex and has an on/off fling with this one bloke (dont worry, hes the male M, cheats and does the same as her). Everyone, even women, are uncomfortable with this. Irl it’s desperate and a HUGE repellent. Men are visibly SO uncomfortable. She does it to my father too who is - in case youd forgotten - MARRIED TO HER BEST. FUCKING. FRIEND. My father is not a man of fear (and interestingly, hes one of the real life Huskers I know!) but this woman? *insert Heavy bc why tf not* She scares him. My dad does everything in his damn power to pull away, reject, resist, avoid and cut her off. The only reason hes even nice to her at all is because mom likes her (when M isnt a gross hornbag, shes genuinely a good friend to my mother - much like angel and Cherri). My dad’s strictly banned from insulting her or telling her to fuck off from my mother BECAUSE of her nature with him. Even at her non horny times, he’s even said shes not his flavour. I’ve had numerous accounts like this myself (ask any woman-) but the worst was the guy thinking - THINKING - that Id eventually be his whilst he played up a lot of our similarities up, seemed nice and I actually thought I had a good guy friend (put it this way, Im genuinely scared of men because of guys like this). At this time, there was a character I discovered who looks and behaves SO much like me, and shes married. My simping arse for this fictional BEAUT [Im sorry but Iris is fucking awesome] compared her romantic traits towards Olgerd as something Id do - and this was a STATUS. It wasnt even too him, tagging him, nothing. I was just spamming Iris like the Iris whore I am, and... Yep. Ill be honest and say that God only knows what else I did that made him think I was ready to rip off my clothes and shag him. My post history back then showed Im like this when I find a character I relate to. I also send hearts a lot publicly and to friends to express joy - I get NERVOUS how that’ll be taken now. He tried to pit my ex friend and I against each other for him and even cyberstalked us pretending to be a girl named Raven. My GUT told me this aint no bastard ‘Raven’. The vibes he gave me, and the fact when I kept saying no he took it as a delayed yes (He even said “Ill wait for when youre ready” not “I understand and am happy to still be friends”) gave me literal nightmares of this guy tracking me down and raping me. He’s currently dating that ex friend (I was still willing to be their friend and support them but they said it was hard to keep us separate in her lifes and she didnt want conflict, so I cut it off amicably with her and I fuckin hope he treats her right. I even sensed in my gut she’d like him and he’d like her - even that theyd be good together! But then I found she was 17 and he was 10 years older, that he was cyberstalking and pitting us against each other, that he was secretly an arrogant fuck and that he gives off red flags like her ex’s - but shes passed 18 now and I want to trust her as an adult that she can deal with this. Shes got a good family.) As a kid, Ive been fuckin groped at school in my shitty neighbourhood. One kid even harassed me wanting to know if Id started my periods yet. Hed constantly fondle girls and ‘keg’ them aka yank down their skirts or trousers in public, and 2 years later held a fucking KNIFE to my throat in a classroom with the shittiest substitute teacher, all because I stood up to him (I was not known for my bravery at school so). He was harassing my female friend who suffers from it since as well as her upbringing, bullying her and stealing her stuff. Shes TINY. She was bullied just as bad as I - who was somehow both the school ghost AND pariah somehow- - and I stepped in and told him to cut that shit out before snatching her things back. I told her to ignore the desperate prick. Thats when he took a boxcutter and held it to my throat, threatening me to keep my head down. Now my neighbourhood fucking qualifies as the British ‘hood’ but Id been lucky to avoid this. Ironically, I wondered what this situation would be like a year prior. Im convinced I can fucking foresee bad shit now and with anxiety that aint good. I froze mentally and I just said “Wooow, Im fucking scared- *friends name*, ignore him” and continued my work. I fucking mentally kicked myself for speaking but I genuinely didnt know what to do. Obviously not fucking that. He sat the full TWO HOURS at our table with this knife, jolting forward mockingly and switching who he pointed it at. The knife btw was from that very room as it was graphics and art. Teacher didnt even notice though honestly Ive had an entire class throw shit at me and call me a whore and the teacher in that class looked at me and TURNED AWAY. End of the day, I reported it to my actual graphics teacher when he returned and he told me he’d take this higher up and to get my parents. My home was only 5 minutes away but I had to walk alone when most the students were gone AND through a fucking alleyway. I always walked with my head low but that day I kept it high and tried to look brave because I genuinely thought he was waiting for me. That he was going to rape and kill me because he’s a pervert and Id just discovered a fucking violent one at that. I broke down at my door. Do you know how fuckin hard it is to look your parents who are dealing with two cancer patients and other issues in the eyes and tell them their ‘little girl’ had a knife to her through for standing up for herself? We went back, I described everything and even remember the yellow-orange handle just to get this kid punished? I even wrote an official police statement (well, the written witness account they add to their statement and evidence) and had to speak on mine and my friend’s behalf because she was that shook up. I never even used to speak for myself! He got expelled, but yknow what us jolly folk dealt with? Hearing kids and his mates mumbling about the ‘rat’ and how much of a cunt they were. Teachers and kids praise him for his art skills and even pin them on display EVERYWHERE (one - ONE - was a fucking self portrait and none of the staff seemed to find issue in that) and even an occassion where he came back into the school when he legally wasnt (trespassing). Do you know how hard it is to fucking avoid someone without raising suspicions from everyone around you in a narrow corridor? Im TALL too. I got NO support from this and felt on edge because he could easily sneak into school. I couldnt say shit because his stupid ‘spies’ were about. Just typing this is upsetting enough- I also know a rl Angel who’s like him minus the sexual harassment. She’s... I never used to like her and visa versa but we actually get along really well now, even though she can be creepy and perverse- But she wouldnt be my type either nor I with her. Often we really fuck each other off but we can also bond great. Another incident reminds me of Husk’s candid photo. Ive had people keep my photo despite me saying not to however I had someone SOMEHOW at that school one the fuck up that. There was a cut out from a magazine of a lady who looked like my DOUBLE except she was asian. Now I thought this was cool and it made me feel sorta pretty. This one girl showed everyone and the teacher, pretty much everyone was like “Oh shit that really is you, C!” and it was harmless fun at first. Until I wanted the picture. Again, this woman looked EXACTLY like me. Yet this girl refused and said she wanted to keep it and even carried it around in her pencil case. Yes it wasnt me but due to the similarities, this photo was called me (tbf the fuckin pic got more respect than I did-). This isnt the only creepy instant between me and this girl but the photo reminds me of it. And this tops people keeping photos OF me which happened in primary school. This was me but legal at that time. And asain. It was super fucking neckbeardy the way she treated this photo and stared, often stroking it and looking at me. I just hope she was only trying to scare me. Theres one final instance of a sexual assault but Im just not yet ready to be public about it. 2 here already know. Those are some of my rl experiences and more to come (unfortunately) that show these behaviours in real life. It seems - it comes across - that sexual harassment, MORE SO TOWARDS MEN, is seen as some punchline and not something legitimately horrifying or dangerous. It’s not cute. It’s fucking FAR from it. Ive already mentioned how putting two addicts together can lead to relapsing, dependence on each other in an unhealthy way. And Ive even mentioned what Angel needs in a relationship in the RD post. Luckily for you, I’ll copy and paste it here: “ We need to think about where both are mentally. What benefits would a relationship give both? How would they be good and bad for each other? For Al, aside from his outdated views and being a fucking murderer and narcissist, he actually seems in a good mindspace for a relationship IF he opted to be in one. Angel however has a very immature mindset, likewise is in a phase of life where hes bed hopping. IF he were to be in a relationship, I’d say he needs a male equivalent of Cherri - someone with a similar mindset yet some differences, willing to have fun and in touch with their younger side, down to cuddle, open to share and receive love as well as not afraid to publicly be affectionate with him, someone who sees him as more than just for sex, someone fun, someone who’ll let him embrace his cutesy side publicly without shame - Cherri is younger so maybe someone who’s his age or slightly younger perhaps? I think Angel’s not retirement home ready to settle and needs someone on his level that can cuddle and chill as well as feels free and youthful enough to go wild with him. In one sense, he’s got a teen girl sorta mindset (dont put him with a teen though, it’s fuckin weird-). He needs someone positive and raw, someone to let him be himself as well as someone comfortable to be themselves around him. He has a habit of latching onto unobtainable men (in psychology, this is self sabotaging subconsciously): Travis the client, Val a pimp, Husk (emotionally unavailable and needs HEAVY self work - interestingly far more than Angel - plus he’s still onto his last relationship and an addict to gambling and alcohol), Pent who’s the enemy he was currently fighting (inappropriate timing), Alastor who’s not interested in another but his own needs [selfish, VERY bad for a relationship]. Subconsciously he’s self sabotaging on purpose. There’s many psychology books as well as sources online for this, if you’re interested. Either way, Angel is drawn to men either like his father [who dislike him, shun him, or are otherwise cold, abusive or just blatantly dislike or otherwise dont care about him] or anyone with money to fuel his drug addiction/’debt’ to Val. Going with any of these men isn’t a good idea. Preferably, Angel needs someone who he doesnt immediately crush and obsess over. Someone who he doesnt sexually harass or assault. Someone he can build a connection with quickly that can bud into romance (think how Chaggie started as a friendship which clicked immediately). Maybe even someone he doesn’t expect to fall for but does so anyways. It would be more realistic as Viv wants as well as more healthy. That for once he isnt sex or money craved instantly, thus doesnt sexually harass/assault and is given a proper chance to develop and grow a friendship and love. Someone who isnt an addict. Someone with an on-par mindset where they click. Someone open to love. For any chance of a good relationship, Angel needs to be with anyone BUT who we’ve already seen. There’s too much toxicity that’ll be swept under the rug and justified otherwise. Too much shit to fuel homophobes in terms of gay stereotypes. Even though Ive focused a fair bit on Angel, it’s NOT just about Angel. That’s something fans forget. Some he depends on or someone who depends on him in the long term wont last and will be very dangerous to both. Just because you suffer, you dont then deserve to be rewarded with ‘something nice’. You dont get to have everything youve ever wanted. Giving him any of these blokes [minus Val] gives him a pass. Gives him what he wants. I get Viv loves him but life doesnt work that way. True lasting growth comes from learning that. Acceptance and growth. You dont get everything you want and sometimes thats a GOOD thing. He’s not a spoilt kid who gets everything he asks for, he’s YOUR creation. If you really wanted what your creations deserve then you need to research and be realistic with it. Because hes starting to feel like a shitty Gary-Stu at this rate.” Sorry for that copypaste clusterfuck. Copy paste is not my forte lol Now Husk. Remember Big? Probably not after the info overload, but if you do GREAT. Big needed love, patience, understanding, someone who could help him, someone who understood and respected his boundaries. I spent so much damn time and now he cuddles up and exposes his tummy because I make him feel understood, loved and safe. He NEVER purred or meowed (why would he need to meow when he didnt speak to humans?) but now he does. He lives on the streets of a neighbourhood with rough folk. He used to draw blood and go rabid on my arms. But I was patient and showed him that I understood his reasons but that he was safe with me and had no need to strike out. I never pushed his boundaries let alone doing it multiple times (the rl angel I know is fucking skilled at pushing cat’s boundaries and wonders why they all huddle up to me and avoid her lol). Husk is an unavailable man. Romantic/Sexual love does NOT heal his wounds. But thats the only thought fans and the team have given on his side. He needs love to ‘fix’ him. The WORST reason to get with someone. Theyre not a project and you arent a fucking miracle worker. Treat them as an equal. He needs a good friend. JUST a friend. Like Big, he needs patience, trust, understanding, and extensive help (arguably more intense than Angel’s). He needs to love himself a bit more FIRST. Someone who respects his boundaries INSTANTLY. Someone relatable and similar, open to love not just sex and not as troubled (if they are, they need to handle it way better, healthily and overall be in a good mindspace). Viv can ship whatever the fuck tickles her fancy, but once your passion project becomes public and funded, you have set responsibilities on how to address and handle sensitive issues as well as having to accept criticism. If Husk goes sober in the name of love (ESPECIALLY with the guy not respecting his boundaries and sexually harassing him), then it’s a fucking INSULT to alcoholics. I know a few rl Husks but there’s one that anyone who knows me enough knows the man I hold closest to my heart was an alcoholic and spitting of Husk. That’s why Husk’s character means so much to me. But there’s only 2 here who know a bit more of this man. This is something Id hoped to not share so soon, nor as messy. And Im already getting waterworks because this is FAR from easy. I guess Husk became the very thing *I* needed in order to face this. This man was my grandfather. WAS. I cant even fucking accept that. I was a fucking child. I feel stupid being so open about this over some stupid cartoon but it just shows the real life effects this has on REAL fucking people. This man was old and lonely. Always at the pubs. He taught me card games, card tricks and card magic as well as one of his own sons dealing with a gambling addiction. I feel so fucking stupid crying about this- I dont want to open up but its the only way I feel I can get people to understand my side in all of this. This man was a fucking MESS. A closed off, lonely, grumpy old bastard. He lost his love because of his alcohol addiction and never found love again. Never got over that woman. (Shes still kicking and we’re close - im keeping some things under wraps between them as its not my place). Gave up on life and love. Worked hard at his fixation on cards and puzzles, as well as crass jokes and knowledge. But he was very lazy otherwise. Bitter and angry. And you know what? He was my world. I love this man with every fiber of my being because he was the first person to love and accept me for me. He treated me as an equal and helped me grow as a person. In fact... He was only ever happy around us kids. He had hope again. Protected me. He used to hate gays and blacks and you know what? He taught HIMSELF as to why that was shitty thinking. He taught ME about differences in people and to accept it. He taught me that you dont always have to understand to accept. He taught me poker and... swears admittedly. He was a beautiful soul that was broken inside. He needed to love himself. But you know what actually fucking happened? You know what I watched as a kid? I watched as he smoked until every morning he woke throwing up phlegm just to BREATHE. I watched as sometimes the light in his eyes died and through smoke breaks and early drinking how he’d sometimes slip and show me his pain. And we’d have deep talks about it and the world and everything. How alcohol ruined his life yet he craved it. His scent. I remember arguments I wasnt supposed to overhear and growing up seeing him fucking DIE slowly in a hospital bed. The man he was ended up as a fucking husk. His skin was bloated and purple, he was half machine on how much shit he was hooked up to. How he was barely a man at all. He was dying of cancer and he fucking knew and never told us. His cancer meds gave him horrid hallucinations. And I practically spent most of my time in that hospital because TWO people had cancer. Two stunning people had fucking stupid bastard cancer. He was a fuck up. He was flawed to shit. But seeing glimpses of the real him was a fucking ethereal experience. He made me feel like a PERSON. And all we could do in the end was watch him just die. He WANTED to die and you could see it but hed only eat around us to fake fight out of his own hubris and not wanting to let us down. That year, I watched 2 of the only people who ever gave a shit about me die the most dishonourable deaths God could have gave them. Years prior I watched his son gamble EVERYTHING away - his lover, his house, his everything. Hes a moderate gambler now with a partner who never had a history of any addiction. She helps keep him in line as he helps her. But most nights I fucking dream of this shit. I cant even think about my hero because I fucking weep. I still have nightmares. Im still up thinking how I could have saved him from himself when it’s him who was the only one able to. I have to live my life with those memories and I was just a kid. Im a full woman and Im still haunted by it. Even that year is blasphemy and I fucking hate it. I want to take him in my arms, hold him and tell him he’s enough. That its ok and he can get through this. Anything that reminds me of him, I love because I know the other side. The real side. The side not tethered to vices. When I see people like that, I pray they see themselves like that too and I want to help them see it. Tell them that they can live again. It’s better than fucking decaying in a hospital bed. That when people make this sorta shit into a cute quirk it’s not. And it’s dickheads like me who have actually seen it play in the real world to REAL people they love. They arent a fucking accessory to fix for your own narrative. They arent a fuckin performing monkey. At least with Rick and Morty it’s kinda humorous and never played for some shitty toxic ship to appeal to everyone who’s never had to face that shit themselves. And Im like my old man but with more hope and no addiction. I drink and I gamble but I’ll never let myself get that low. Because I honour him but Im not as fucking saft. I wont allow it even though it’s a fucking battle. Those addictions are in the blood. My family history. Its always been so fucking normal. I’ll never knock someone for an addiction or try to preach them out of it because theres often pain fueling it, but I’d never encourage it or toxic faux cures and stupid romance promises as some bullshit MLM remedy either. I KNOW it’s fiction but I want people to see the real side. I want VIV to see the real side. Id willingly for FREE fucking sing that shit if it meant spreading a good message. Because this is fucking hell. FIXING IT: The ship’s basis is too set in stone now - too familiar to change. Best is to never let it be canon. Because you know what else it teaches? That rOmAnCe cures all. Not therapy. Not rehab. Not any REAL work. Just fuck and date it all away as if it’s that easy. It’s a mockery! I tried to be professional about this but when the media bombards this shit constantly, the has the AUDACITY to play like it’s giving a good message is salt to the wounds. A kiss with a fist. An old man dont care for the petty teen drama that Angel and Cherri (even fuckin Al) thrive on. Want this to send a good message still? Angel hates rejection and thinks everyone wants him. Have Husk reject him. Especially because no one should go out with someone whos sexually harassed them there. Been there, done that got the fuckin tshirt. Have Husk reject Angel the way Gravity Falls has Wendy reject Dipper. It helped Dipper move on and mature, and this is what Angel needs for growth and to be more humble. Husk would be a fucking excellent mentor to Angel, a friend and protector, someone who shows him the ropes like Grunkle Stan like a grandfather figure. To not fall for his mistakes. Husk would be a better expert than any of them plus it balances the power dynamtic. It’s healthy and realistic. Touches the topic with the sensitivity it needs. Not everything needs a ship or romance. Wounds healed that way dont stay healed long. Angel seems more fitting as a son like figure, and he can play that dad like role for him. And if any of the team EVER saw this, fucking take this idea. Its YOURS. FREE. FOREVER. If we wanna play this NDA but still reblog some of the story telling arts and have some of our team indulge in it. I wont sue. Fucking TAKE IT if it means doing this shit right because Spindlehorse have beautifully triggered so many different people and their different traumas to please teenagers sexual fantasies, their own kinks and for a jolly good joke. This is a bastard long read and Ive had to face the traumas again but if good can come from it then I’ll GLADLY dance this duet again. Stans, Antis, dont even TEMPT interaction. You arent brave sending suicide threats behind a screen, youre a coward and a waste of oxygen. I WANT Hazbin and Helluva to succeed. I want Viv and her crew to do well. Trust me, I wouldnt waste my time if I didnt give a shit. Viv is fucking gifted and its being wasted if it’s not at her full potential for the approval of a rabid army of kids and immature adults who dont know any better (stans and antis). I know she would like a good and decent fanbase. Stans and antis arent it. Tagging you folks because it’s long but yall actually helped me have the courage to open my trap to this. Screenshots are coming later though all of what Ive said is easily sourced. But this has been days, Im sick, im tired, ive been upset facing my own traumas. If any tags wanna help then by all means but otherwise. @honesthazbinarchives, @siaesnow (also added age still bc despite the lack of physical aging, theres also the mental aspect and experiences as well as power dynamics side to it, in case youre wondering), @noirellearts, @enchantedchocolatebars, @galemalio (thank you for letting me weep like a bitch), @angel-blitz, @critical-hazbin, @what-the-hazbin, @hazboobhotel, @pineapple-critiques-stuff, @devils-advocutie, SORRY AGAIN FOR BEING A LIL BITCH FOLKS, I feel awkward like my teen years but yeah- fuck it Im old and imma rot soon anyways. If this experience can help then Ill be glad.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin critical #anti huskerdust sorry folks #vivienne medrano #criticism #toxic relationships in fiction #how fiction impacts the real world #yeah im a wimp who cares?#hazbin needs to change for the better #concerned fan #dont be another yandev #dont be another yansim #stans and antis dni #stans and antis will be blocked and reported #hope this gives justice to my hero about the rl effects of addiction #rest easy Kiddas got this #still shitting myself #read more wont work sorry

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bellamygateoldblog · 4 years

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i will never be over the way this show has continuously tried to frame bellamy and clarke as heroes and good people, or the way the fandom has almost completely embraced and supported that narrative

the amount of times i’ve read “[clarke] saved everyone’s ungrateful asses” makes me seriously consider turning evil. like aren’t y’all bored? don’t you have a different sentence you would like to say for a change?

i want to talk about this but i probably don’t remember a lot of the details of this show so if im forgetting something or get something wrong i apologise, but i never have any desire to rewatch past s2.

clarke isn't even the hero of her own side, she took power of them using the military force of the grounders, someone else’s people, she’s forced them into alliances without their knowledge that weren’t in their best interest (while she literally had no idea what they were even going through because she’d abandoned them after upsetting their entire political structure, and this leader she’s bowing to is responsible for the slaughter of their children, has broken an alliance previously with them, has hung the threat of genocide over their heads, and who isn’t even wanted in power by her own people- dragging skaikru into that conflict, too), she’s sacrificed them and what’s best for them in order to cater to/concentrate on the grounders newest demands or pursue her own personal mission, she’s lied to and patronised them, she’s abandoned them and surrendered them to die while they were under her protection and responsibility, and in Book 2 (and these aren’t her people but in canon she’s their leader anyway apparently despite trying to blow them all up a few days before...) she’s abandoned them again, and is speaking for them without consent or any connection to what’s happening with them again,.........her inner circle/her ‘friends’ have to be extremely careful to remain important to her or on her team or they’ll be sacrificed, harmed or become acceptable losses to whatever her newest goal is too (but hey at least she says she cares about them) all while acting very ‘woe is me’ about the whole crushing weight of responsibility she shouldn’t have.

but she’s the hero, she’s beloved, she’s special, she has relationships that were never built, she and only she saved everyone again and has all the lines telling us so no matter how dishonest those statements are.

like this is where i personally see what you said in your ask most: when it concerns clarke.

bellamy on the other hand...i don’t place him at all on the same level as clarke when it comes to this. clarke has privilege that bellamy just never had as a character. and i think that does probably play into why i like him.

him being a hero to the delinquents/the 48 is completely believable to me. he was the original leader, he got them through a tough time, he chose to put himself on the line for them, and he’s the one who stayed. i also think it’s reasonable that fandom might romanticise him this way because he is one who has been shown to value the one life as well as the many of his people, a guy doing his best and making big mistakes along the way, a mixed complex bag of good and bad, i find him very likable and i love the toxic/pained/vulnerable ones lol but more than anything i find him to be one of the more interesting/entertaining characters on the show (Book 1).

we also see him torment himself with his own mistakes instead of just having other people do it for him/remind him like we see happen with clarke- and we all know fandom loves equating that with a “redemption arc” and as much as i personally dislike seeing pity parties i do like self-awareness and responsibility in characters that goes beyond a 3-second-long puppy dog look or straight dismissal of someone else’s pain, and for the most part bellamy’s expressions of this don’t come across as demanding sympathy from others but from genuine self-loathing and an honesty to himself, internalising the effects of his actions/childhood.

i know i personally prefer The Flawed Protector over The Tortured Saviour nobody asked for (same white male hypocritical moral hero in a woman’s body).

i don’t believe in assigning “hero” to any of them though like that’s the whole entire point of the show lol “there are no good guys.” and i also think a major chunk of fandom/shippers have warped bellamy’s character so much that it isn’t even him anymore, so this man they’re celebrating as a hero/good person isn’t even bellamy sometimes.

all of the genuinely “good” and kind people are dead.

i don't think i'd say bellamy was ever framed as a hero. like he was just never important enough to be, he’s just not put into those positions (despite being the male lead), clarke is. as the protagonist ig. bellamy...he’s the protector/knight of the heroes, but not the actual hero himself (applies to octavia too i think, where she acts and he reacts).

like take mount weather, clarke becomes empowered by her “wanheda” status, bellamy’s (and monty’s) part in that is lost...clarke is “bearing it so they don’t have to” (rme) which simultaneously strips the other boys from claiming the ‘victory’ of saving the 48 while still leaving them with the guilt, like it suits how i see clarke perfectly that she’s the only one to refer to the genocide (and shutting down the CoL, i realised) as “i” while monty and bellamy say “we” and it was clarke’s actions that got them to that point in the first place, but this is one of those times she’s clearly The Protagonist. if that makes sense lol.

bellamy is on the opposite side to clarke in s3 and s7 and he needs to be moved to her side in order to be on the ‘right’ one. now i don’t agree with that one bit mind you (when it comes to s3, idc about s7 lol) and i didnt see it that way but imo that’s how the show wrote it, to the point he was either demonized endlessly by fandom or woobified in a way that denied him his own agency. during s5 i don’t i think anyone was framed in a good light. i can see this applying in s6, though- where he was his absolute worst self yet, betraying his own development, failing at every point to “do better” despite claiming it, but still was given that reasurring line that they did better and saved people and was in that “heroic” position i guess? but is that because he was back to being clarke’s “good little knight” tho? (but do we claim s6??? do we really??? do we claim it ladies???)

s6 was 100% dedicated to making clarke look good/like a 'good' or sympathetic person. the bodysnatching plot (and the s6 sheidheda plot because if it was supposed to be about bellamy and address his s5 actions he would’ve been present to experience/observe those consiquences himself but he wasn’t lmaoooo. instead it was to tell the audience ‘actually clarke was right last season and here’s another reason to feel bad for her and how those ungrateful bitches were treating her’) has no other purpose for existing. clarke's character has consistently been elevated at the expense of everyone else's. but im not sure the writing did a very good job convincing me she was a good person if it was trying to do that LMAO like my interpretation of her is so fitted to canon, and no amount of throwaway lines telling me how good she is did anything to change what i saw yk? and in s6, combined with being patronised by the writers, i found her to be at some of her most obnoxious.

i don’t agree with placing bellamy and clarke in the same boat tbh. like they just come from completely different places and come across differently, especially in the way they interact with other characters.

in my experience this fandom (on tumblr) is extremely skewed in favour of clarke, like ive never seen a fandom so obsessed with their protagonist. there’s A LOT of clarke stans who stan her for being one of those “deserves better :(” characters, selfless and heroic, and support that view that she’s the superior character, entitled to other character’s devotion, love and validation yet doesn’t have to reciprocate any of it. the CL/BC ship war was just a bunch of people fighting over clarke, who deserves her more, which character is more toxic to her, which other character would 100% be her bff supportive of that relationship, treating her as a passive whose actions don’t take affect. im not sure how much i blame the writing for that because if so many of us are capable of recieving her character in this way then...why aren’t so many other people? how is there such a massive disconnect between the ways we see her?

and imo a lot of the bellamy love in this fandom comes from shipping him with clarke too rather than being because of who he actually is.

#the 100

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pinkykitten · 4 years

Text

Forest pt. 1

Castlevania

Alucard Tepes x female! reader

Warning: cursing, violence, gore, mentions of blood

Specifics: chapter fic, romance, angst, fluff, not requested, action, adventure, race neutral reader, human reader

People: alucard tepes, monster thingy from the show

Words: 3,338

Summary: Since Alucard lives in the forest now in Dracula’s castle he meets the reader in the forest and in that moment he starts to have a liking towards her and is very bashful, blushy and romantic towards her and she is a goofball and is very silly and lighthearted. From the moment that they met all Alucard wants to do is protect the reader no matter what is takes.

Authors Note: god alucard is so sexy and so beautiful like god dang! lol sorry im a bit of a horny nerd. anywho its rlly late where im at andddddd i cant go to sleep cuz i slept the whole day so ayyyee. anywho i was inspired idk where but i was inspired to write this bc i think alucard deserves love and someone who adores him like i do. i loved writing this tho and rlly want to write for castlevania more but this is going to be chapters idk how many yet lets just see where the wind takes us i hate planning anyways. IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS THO I AINT EVEN MAD ABOUT IT!!!!! LIKE YASSSSSSSSSS

“Alright so its been almost a month and I haven’t died. That must mean I’m doing something right.” You used a piece of wood you made into a cane to help you get up the steep hills. You were voyaging alone in the forest. You had a family that were settled more outside the town that you lived near. You were a large family and your siblings came down with a sickness. You were determined to find a cure and determined to find medicine for them. As scary as it may have seemed you needed to put on a brave face for the dangers that lay out ahead. You knew those monsters walked around and as much as that terrified you, your siblings came first. At a young age, adventure excited you and you always wanted to prove to yourself and family that you were more than capable of doing things alone.

You saw a river down below. The water rushing past rocks made you relaxed and with a glint in your eyes you smiled. “Aha!” You looked left and right, seeing if anyone was present. “Alone with just the woods and me. I knew mother was wrong. I can very much so take care of myself.” You threw your satchel on the floor alongside with your clothes. “I smell like a pig.” You chuckled at your joke. The cool, clear water was down below as you ran to it, looking forward to the coldness and the feeling of being clean. You jumped in not knowing someone was near.

You dunked your face laughing. “And there’s fish!” You swam behind a light blue fish. Being at awe when you saw the way the fins shone from the sun. You picked it up skillfully and carefully you set it free. Your body delicately floated. “This is the life.” Birds chirped, the wind blew like a whisper against your cheek.

But suddenly, the rustle of the trees alarmed you. You heard the snapping of a twig. Your head snapped to the noise. Fear bubbled inside you as you thought of all the possibilities. What if it was a bear? What if it were those monsters? Your heart sped fast as you backed out of the river. Your breathing was faster. You needed to get out of here. As you got out your back hit against fur. You quickly turned around as saw a huge demon, monster, you didn’t even know what but you knew it was from Dracula’s army. Its teeth were sharp and its eyes were bright and red. It was your worst nightmare. You erupted a scream as you sprinted around it, climbing the hill to where your satchel laid.

“Oh my God! Oh my God! I’m gonna die!” You didn’t care about your nudeness, all that mattered to you was surviving. You tried to go as fast as possible but the creature landed in front of you, stopping you from escaping. It cornered you against a huge boulder and tree. With everything you had you lifted your cane high in the air and hit the monster. It didn’t even flinch.

“What?” Your eyes widened in horror. The creature picked you up as if you weighed nothing and threw you against a tree. You cried out in pain as your back burned and ached to an extreme level. You then noticed that a tree branch stabbed right through your shoulder. The blood dripped down your arm onto your naked skin. You felt queasy and weak. Thoughts and last words echoed through your mind. The monster was about to devour you but a flash of blonde hair came into your vision and you saw, him.

This young man was nothing you’ve ever seen before. He was stronger than the average person, throwing the monster back and forth. He punched it high in the air and then threw it against the boulder. He was incredible. Full of power. Your eyes were starting to close and your vision grew blurry as the last thing you saw were the fangs that the man displayed.

“Mother I had this terrible dream!” Your whole body shot up. That was a terrible decision as you winced in pain. “It was not a dream.” You breathed hard as you took in your surroundings. The fire was lit making the room comfortable as you were once shivering from being wet. It looked as if you were in the kitchen of somebody's house. “Hello?” Your throat was dry. You were in a stranger’s house. You were in a stranger’s house! “Oh dear.” You were put high onto a table. You jumped off but were still too weak. You landed hard on your knees but caught yourself with your arms. Your shoulder pounding in pain. You became dizzy. You heard footsteps nearing. “Who are you?” You tried to stand up again but slipped into the arms of a man.

“Hold on. You are still not well.” His voice came out almost like a whisper. He picked you up and sat you back on the table. “Also, I’m the man who saved your life.”

“That was you? That was, um, pretty amazing.” You curled into yourself. You were nervous around this man. He intimidated you and made you feel shy. He was very handsome and charming. “You kicked that things as* real good.”

The man chuckled, “thank you.”

You quickly looked at your nightgown. It was too big for you as the sleeves ate your arms and the collar was off the shoulders. Your eyes shot open. You were bashful. “Did you, um, see anything?”

He looked away, “I kinda had to. Sorry. You were naked when I saved you.”

“Great. That’s great,” you inhaled clapping your hands. Suddenly you sensed a throbbing pain on your shoulder and you looked to see a blood stain on the nightgown. “Um excuse me sir. Is that supposed to happen?”

The man looked worried as he laid you back down and pulled the nightgown down enough to see your shoulder. “It does not look good. It seems with that jump you reopened the stitches.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. God, this really hurts.”

He got to work on doing your stitches again as he got his items. “Bite down on this.” He opened his mouth to show the action and you saw his teeth.

“Agh please don’t eat me! You’re a vampire aren’t you?” You flinched away.

The man rolled his eyes as he shoved the cloth in your mouth but before he got started on you he said, “You are right. I am a vampire.”

You spat the cloth out, “I knew it. I also would like to know your name as this may be my last moment and I would like to remember who will either save me or take my life. My name is y/n l/n.”

“The names Alucard Tepes and this is going to sting a little.” With that Alucard poured some alcohol on your wounds. (im sorry i dont know how helping ppl w medical stuff works :(

You shifted and tried pouncing up, fighting the urge to let out a blood curdling scream. But Alucard pushed you down with his hands, shushing you gently. “I know, this hurts.” You could almost sense some love and actual concern in his voice. His brows knitted, “I promise, you are almost finished.”

You looked deep into Alucard’s eyes. They were the most beautiful eyes you have ever seen. This man or vampire looked unreal. He looked made up, something from stories you read as a child, like a prince. You felt something go off within you. Not knowing if it was lust or something else but a fire erupted inside your soul as Alucard’s face inched closer to yours to get to work on your shoulder. His smell was intoxicating. Almost like a musk but yet something floral, fresh, mixed in. Your heart thumped faster at the contact.

His plump lips quivered as they looked at your state. No way did he want this innocent soul as beautiful as you looked dying on his table. He already had to deal with a lot recently. He didn’t know why or understand but he had this inclination, this feeling, that he needed to keep you alive. He just had to.

Unable to keep the scream at bay no more you let it out. Your veins protruding from your neck as you became dizzy and once again passed out.

Your eyes opened. Your body was aching. It felt like it went through war. You inhaled as you looked around again, but this time you were hoping things were not a dream as then Alucard would be fake. Remembering his name your head whipped to the side to see Alucard holding a wash cloth stained with blood. He was sound asleep. His head resting against his arm against the table. All the medical stuff was out and about as if he were still working on you. His back was arched at a odd position.

“He must of fallen asleep while working on me,” you whispered to yourself. His hair sprayed out on his shoulders and table. Without a second thought you touched his hair lightly and you were shocked. It felt like silk upon your fingers! His golden eye lashes kissed his cheek as he snoozed so peacefully. You felt bad leaving him to worry for you and to be sleeping in an uncomfortable place. You felt you weren’t that deserving of such treatment.

You kicked your feet out and hopped off the table. Your feet pattered against the hard floor as you walked to Alucard. You snatched him a blanket you saw nearby and draped it over his tall, lean body. You smiled seeing how elegant and graceful he looked sleeping.

You yawned, scratching your head as you looked upon the window and noticed it was raining. Surprisingly in this vampire but also a stranger’s house the rain seemed cozy and it made you feel at peace. It was dark in his house. The trees shook from the tiny wind and rain.

“I must leave but I should thank Alucard for helping me with my wound last night. I probably wouldn’t have last without him.” Your mind wondered back to what happened at the river. Yes, Dracula was gone according to what the towns people said but why was his army still about, his monsters? It didn’t make sense to you. But what did you know? You were just a weak human living in a mysterious world you didn’t want any part of.

You pulled out a chair and got to writing a thank you letter to Alucard, pulling out a pen, ink and a piece of paper.

“Dear Alucard. No, too direct. How about, to a savior? Too high and mighty.” Finally you had written your letter but it sounded very awkward and you were too much of a p*ssy to give it to Alucard. “Ugh this is hopeless.” You crumpled up the paper, throwing it on the floor by the garbage.

You thought and thought and thought until an idea popped in your mind. “I know,” you snapped. “I’ll make him breakfast. My mother always says a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” You crossed your fingers, “lets just hope this man likes human food instead of hearts and blood.” You gulped.

You rolled your sleeves up, washed your hands and brought out the pots and pans and butter. “I’m going to make toast, eggs, bacon, beans and mushrooms.”

You spiced up the food and placed them in a skillet. The sizzle satisfying your ears. The sun started to peak through the clouds as the aroma wafted through the house. You grinned, loving to cook and make a person happy with your hard work. “I hope he likes this.” You were almost finished when Alucard coughed behind you.

You jumped, being in the zone. “Oh hi there,” you waved awkwardly. “My apologies if I woke you.”

“Uh, no I woke myself up,” his rough voice made your knees weak as it was still laced with sleep. He stretched, cracking some knuckles, yawning as well. “What I would like to know is what are you doing?”

“Well,” you started setting up the table cutely. “I wanted to say thanks for helping me back there. I was kind of a p*ssy to be honest and like a wuss so this is just a little thanks for all the help.”

Alucard didn’t know what to say so instead he just smiled.

“Please, sit, sit, sit,” you pointed to the seats. “Breakfast is almost ready.”

Alucard awkwardly sat. Not ever having this type of service. He looked at you as you were preparing the finishing steps of your dish. The sun cascaded around you and you were illuminated like a goddess. You were breathtaking. Alucard blushed madly. You put everything on the table. Seeing Alucard’s expression you laughed, “are you alright?”

Alucard coughed, “yes, thank you for all of this. You really didn’t need to. It all looks beautiful.” He looked at the presentation.

You took the seat beside Alucard. You could of sat anywhere else but you sat beside him. He almost couldn’t hear what you were about to say in that moment from how hard his heart was beating.

“No need to thank me. I think we’ve done enough thanking and now its time to dig in.” You patted his hand.

Alucard just looked at the food and he almost felt tears at his eyes. Nobody ever cared for him like this.

“Is it okay? If its not to your liking I totally get it. You don’t have to eat it. I don’t even know if you like this stuff. I mean who knows maybe you only eat flowers and here I am serving you bacon and eggs.” You became flustered.

“No, no, no this is lovely its just,” he choked back a cry. “Nobody has ever done anything like this for me, ever.”

You clutched onto his hand and gave him a beautiful smile. “Then that just means you have to eat double. As much and maybe more than what your stomach can hold.” You giggled.

Alucard blushed again as he started to eat quickly. Enjoying every moment of your company and food. “The beans are delicious.”

“Well I’m glad you liked them. Its my mum’s recipe, she always makes them like this.” You then recalled why you came on this journey in the first place. “My satchel!”

“Don’t worry, its safe.”

You raised your brow, “did you take a look?”

Alucard paused, “no, I would never.” He took a bite out of his bread. Chewing on the piece silently. “Maybe just a tiny peek.”

You pouted, “Nosy. I should of locked it.”

“Why do you have all those books in your bag anyways?” Alucard crossed his legs as he took a sip of his coffee. His light orbs staring intently at you.

Seeing the rain start to become tiny droplets of rain you thought about your family and how you missed them. This was all for them. “My siblings you see are very ill,” your hand shook with anxiety. “My village is very poor and we are limited in resources, especially medicine. We’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work. They just seem to be getting worse. I’ve been researching and trying to find an answer and supposedly, I read that there is a certain flower that only grows in a specific area that may cure the illness. In the books there is a map and that’s why I was led to that river well more like I wanted to take a bath and that’s what led me to the river. But I’ve been on this trail for a while. I’m just, scared because it all depends on me. If I can’t find this flower, if I can’t find a cure and my family dies it will be my fault. I would have killed them.” You didn’t even realize it but you were crying.

Alucard saw you were distressed and held onto your hand. He comforted you through your anxiety. Your teary eyes looked into his and he gave you a toothy smile, “I’ll help you find it.”

“What?” You rubbed your eyes.

“I know the place you need to go. I can guide you there. Besides the outside world is very dangerous for a beautiful girl such as yourself. I can see that this means a lot to you and I want to help.”

You dropped your fork and got out of your chair. “You mean it? You aren’t joking?”

Alucard chuckled, “I promise I am speaking truth.” Alucard flung his hand out to you.

You quickly shook on it and shouted with enthusiasm, “deal!” You jumped up and down laughing as you hugged Alucard. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. Can we please leave immediately then?”

“We can leave today.”

You danced, “yes. I’ll go change and get my things.” You brought the empty dishes to clean them as Alucard stood up with a smile on his face.

You were something else, something different. A breath of fresh air in his depressing life. Maybe you were meant to be here. Maybe you were a sign. Either way Alucard thought that these couple of days were to be very exciting. Alucard was about to get ready when a piece of paper in the corner caught his eyes. It was crumbled. “Hmmm, what is this?” He bent down to pick it up and read the words. With just the first word to the letter his smile grew bigger and bigger.

Alucard coughed as he raised the letter you wrote to him earlier but discarded high in the air, “Dear Alucard, to my savior. I would love for you to know that I am extremely appreciative for what you have done for me in saving my life-”

Your eyes almost popped out of your head. That letter was not supposed to be read by him especially. It was embarrassing. You dropped a plate in the sink and felt your whole world collapse. You wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

“When I first saw you I thought you were a prince-” Alucard kept going until you couldn’t take it any longer.

You sprinted and tried grabbing the letter out of his hand. “Alucard, give that to me. Now.”

“Oh you want this letter?” Alucard smirked. “You do sound like an obnoxious romantic whore.”

You gasped, “I do not! That was supposed to be my thank you letter and I didn’t like it and you weren’t supposed to read it. So give it back!” You jumped for it but Alucard raised it high in the air. “Alucard, give it to me.”

Alucard’s face came closer to yours as he pinned you against the table. “Why don’t you come and get it?”

You practically climbed him, snatching the letter out of his hand. “Aha!” But Alucard’s footing was off and he and you fell with a thud.

The birds chirped lightly as Alucard laid under you and you fell on top of him, your arm bracing for the impact. Alucard held in his breath with a red blush as he looked at you so extremely close. You both held that position for what felt like forever. You eyes were wide in horror at the compromising position.

You quickly stood up and were flustered. Forgetting where everything was. “Um, um, um. I’m going to go put my trip on so we can get ready for the clothes.” You quickly ran away.

Alucard breathed quickly as he brushed back his long hair whispering the words. “My savior.” He noticed you were in such a panic mode that you forgot about your letter. It was left and Alucard was not going to leave or throw away evidence that someone saw him in such a good light. He loved that letter because it was from you.

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irkenheretic · 3 years

Note

Does Red have that one genetic disorder? What does it do to Irkens who do have it?

OOOHHH OKAY SO this is all gonna be headcanon stuff for ANX (watch me forget to tag the post as such lmao) so itll be canon divergent at points

so The Red Eye Thing, which has no formal name because why would irkens name it, is a linked gene between the gene that causes red eyes, and a genetic disorder that leaves an irken with a little extra chunk of chromosome in a sex cell that made them. (a sex cell is like, either the sperm or the egg, one of those) not an entire extra chromosome, that doesn’t happen among irkens, but a chunk.

you can’t have red eyes without having The Red Eye Thing, so yes red does have it! ^^

i just have to go on record and say that in ANX, irkens still reproduce naturally. they dont mate for fun or keep the young, but its still not artificial. smeets are also VERY IMPORTANT in irken society as they are seen as the future of the empire (like, assaulting a smeet is so universally hated that if someone is jailed for it they will 100% be killed before they ever stand trial. smeet assaulters are so hated that the control brains know this happens and they just let it happen)

so given how societally important smeets are, it tends to be Very Bad for Red Eyes that the main problem their genetic disorder gives them is infertility. theyre basically looked down upon societally because they’re unable to do a basic biological function that even smallers and defectives can do.

i mentioned they also have hyperpigmented skin in my other ask, but im putting it here again anyway. skin colors from that hyperpigmentation can range from “dark, but still normal irken dark” to “i have never seen a skin color as dark as yours before holy fuck” these edits i did of red are what he looks like in ANX, and hes on the way far end of the spectrum- out of 100+ characters in ANX, some other Red Eyes, he’s the darkest one. the hyperpigmentation is a result of the extra chunk of chromosome lmao

also, Red Eyes have trouble detecting pheromones other irkens give off. this can be just dulled senses, or it can be a total lack of detection, like what Red has. (ur seeing a pattern arent u, red has a more “severe” case of his genetic disorder.)

the gene also causes developmental disorders which... aren’t exactly on a sliding scale per se? it’s kind of like autism where every Red Eye acts differently from each other that there’s no real “universal experience” for how this specific thing presents itself.

the red eye gene is passed on from parent to child, it won’t mutate and it can’t be carried- you either have it or you don’t.

“but how can that be if they’re infertile!” i said infertile, not sterile. the reason Red Eyes are infertile is because, since the extra chromosome chunk was in a sex cell, at least 50% of their sex cells will be affected with the extra chunk, too. irkens have a biomechanism that purges cells with missing or extra chromosome parts (extra-chromosome irkens are relatively fine, missing-chromosome irkens are like, hatched with no brain or are stillhatches so good that thats... there)

but since those cells are purged, that’s at least half of the fertile cells. of course if they have a more severe case, like red, it would be more than half. so it is moderatley hard to nigh impossible for Red Eyes to conceive or fertilize, depending on who it is. so since only Red Eyes can pass down The Red Eye Gene, and these bitches rarely have smeets, there’s only like.... one Red Eye per generation, maybe two.

(fun facts: there used to be more Red Eye family lines, but some idiot got it in his head that Red Eyes caused defectiveness and that most defect trials were a false positive so in order to save everyone he needed to kill all Red Eyes, so now there.... aren’t..... any more......) (yes the control brains crazy murdered that idiot. they hate him so much sometimes they go “hey remember the red eye genocide guy? what the fuck, right?”)

so tl;dnr: it’s a genetic disorder caused by an extra chunk of chromosome in either a sperm or egg that made the irken. it causes infertility, hyperpigmentation, low or no ability to detect irken pheromones, and a developmental disorder that presents differently in everyone that has it.

tl;dnr 2: irken down’s syndrome.

under the cut im gonna go on about how society sees irkens with this condition (under the cut because.... sexual assault tw. also ableism tw)

Red Eyes are seen as... well... broken pieces of shit. before red was tallest, there WAS another Red Eye Tallest in recent history- tallest Zim. (NO RELATION to invader zim haha) zim becoming tallest made Red Eyes not be.... as hated, but there’s still this societal idea of “you are a broken piece of shit and your cells should have been purged.... buuuut if you do something above and beyond whatever it is your job is, we Might think you’re cool. also we probably won’t say this to your face but we’re thinking it really hard at you, and you KNOW we’re thinking it, so there’s no point in not saying it, but we still won’t so you cant claim we hate you. but make no mistake, we do.” so red just had, the BEST time growing up.

remember in my last ask, i said Red Eyes are liked a little too well sometimes? well... due to their infertility, they’re frequent targets for rape, especially in the military, since military irkens aren’t allowed to mate. nab a Red Eye and you can have all the fuck you want without any, er, evidence. red honestly was lucky he was constantly stickied to purple as an elite, otherwise Horrible Things could’ve happened.

was the general populace worried about a Red Eye tallest? yes. yes they were, back when it was tallest zim. they thought he’d be shit at it due to how “broken” he was. there was a LOT of public outcry, especially since zim was on the shorter side of tallests. they were ready to be all “see, Red Eyes are NOTHING,” until zim was actually an amazing tallest. he was so good the control brains liked him, and the only other modern tallest they actually liked was miyuki. he did great things for the empire, everyone loved him. when tallest red became tallest, everyone was much less worried. but they were still thinkin it, ya dig.

is red related to tallest zim? yes, zim is red’s grandfather.

is red’s tendency to forget words a part of his developmental disorder? it could be, could not be. there’s not much of a sample size due to yknow, the genocide, so there’s no-one to compare his symptoms against. the disorder presents differently in everyone so even if red is the only living Red Eye with that symptom, doesnt mean its NOT a symptom ya dig? but im gonna word of god it and say yes it is

can you have the same chromosome thing without being a Red Eye? yes! in this ask i talk about spork having a learning disability- he has the same chromosome thing, it just gives him different symptoms because he doesnt have the specific instance that red eyes have.

can you have red eyes without the chromosome thing? no, the gene for red-colored eyes is stickied to the Extra Chunk gene, and unlike chromosome issues, which can happen to any irken, an irken will not randomly mutate a gene for red-colored eyes.

is the term “red eye” derogatory? it was EXTREMELY derogatory before tallest zim took power. now it’s just a general term for a red eyed irken, but... irkens will still use it in an insulting way. like... “queer” is the best parallel i can draw. used to be a slur, now is a general term, but some people still clearly use it as a slur against others.

are red eyes called slurs? YES. they are targets for The Word. The Worst Word In The Irken Language, So Bad You Can’t Even Call It “The __ Word” Because It’s Too Close To Saying The Word. It Is Just, “The Word.” it used to be WAY worse before the genocide, simply because there were more of them. it decreased even more after tallest zim took power, but make no mistake, it’s still out there. also The Word translates out to “condemned obsolete bastard” with a side order of “the beginning of The Word sounds like im spitting on you and thats also exactly what it means.” its an awful slur its like if every human slur had an orgy

(was red called slurs growing up- YES.)

are Red Eyes defective? they can be! defectiveness is in the PAK, not in an irken’s biology. that’s why they’re called genetic disorders and not genetic defects, to separate them from the “we are going to execute you” defectiveness. they’re still scorned as if they are defective, though. sometimes theyre called “worse than defectives” as a jab at their infertility- like, even the empire’s worst can do that, ya dig?

back in The Old Days, there was probably a mix of defective and non-defective Red Eyes. now they’re all defective by coincidence.

#anarchisma au #I REMEMBERED FUCK YEAH #rape m #ableism tw #live from conventia #i hope u like it!!

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bangtansflower · 4 years

Text

Smitten Chapter 5

A/N: Jiyoung is Y/N mum - she was mentioned by Chungha in the very first chapter~ This is my longest chapter yet and I honestly am surprised haha But I wanted to flesh the chapters out more! I do hope it doesn't drag on though! Give me your thoughts! Also for the purpose of the fic even though real names are different in the fic im gonna mix it up because it is fake after all! There is also a little time overlay when scenes shift so I hope I made it clear enough!~ I also may go through it again and tweak it slightly before i upload the next chapter. In the next chapter I'll be able to fill in some of what's missing~ Also comments please do give as they give me motivation and I like to know if people enjoy what I'm posting 🙏❤️

Warnings: Swearing, a lot of fighting, a massacre scene (its brief but a warning will appear so you can skip if want - 238 words), jealous Jungkook, angst, a lot of anger (everyone seems to be very angry these days).

Word Count: 4,562

Masterlist / Previous / Next (Coming soon)

Taglist: @captainsjoongs @xanny91

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Chungha: Y/N! We always spend it together on Saturdays though!

You chuckled, you could practically her voice imagining the pout on her face, which made you giggle to yourself more catching the attention of your mum. “What are you giggling about?” She looked at you with a playful smile on her face. Shaking your head grinning you start typing away on your mobile “Oh nothing, just Chungha being Chungha wanting to spend today together as always” making your mum laugh. “Well you two are attached to the hip, as we always said sisters by bond not blood”, she pushed a plate towards. Mouth nearly watering you put your phone down opting to finish replying later, the cheese and bacon toastie too good to pass up. You take a bite chewing your food slowly in deep thought, your mum clears her throat catching your attention. Looking up you catch her questioning gaze, letting out a small sigh you pout slightly putting your food down on the table “Why didn’t she tell me? And worst of all how did I not notice that she was a werewolf I should have noticed straight away considering every year we would visit the guys!” Your voice gains more confidence as you speak. “And to top it off we live in a community where practically half of the people are werewolves!” You only stop when your mum holds a hand up making you shut up. You decide to take another bite of your toastie whilst observing your mum as she looks back at you. “She will have her reasons Y/N, you don't love her any less do you?” At this you immediately shake your head - you did love her, she was your sister till the end, sensing your thoughts a soft smile graced your mother's face. “She will tell you when she is ready, and considering the community it is a surprise because me, who has grown up with werewolves, should have definitely noticed all the signs. But it is no surprise, Seoul is a great place for a werewolf community, it is out of the way and a beautiful place”. You scoffed when your mother said beautiful place “It can be beautiful at times you mean” you pointed out to your mother, a flash of Jungkooks smile and brown eyes went through your thoughts making your heart flutter. A loving smile appeared on your face, he made it beautiful, you think to yourself before you go wide eyed shaking your head pushing those thoughts out of your head. Looking up you see your mother leaning on the counter, her own toastie in her hands smirking at you, narrowing your eyes at her you make a zipping notion on your lips and go back to eating making your mother laugh out loud. A buzz of your mobile made you jump slightly reminding you that you had to reply to Chunga.

Chunga: Please come over! It is Saturday and Saturday is sister day! Besides I got invited to Jimin and Taehyung's place for a small gathering! This is a brilliant way for you to meet some new people, and I am sure that a certain person whose name begins with J and ends in K will be there~

Your heart fluttered more knowing that if you were to go today you would be able to speak more to Jungkook, the only times you could talk to him was in school, neither one of you had yet asked for the others number, both too shy to do so. Biting your lip you feel conflicted, glancing up you see your mum with an excited smile on her face, making your decision you let out a defeated smile.

Y/N: Sorry Chungha, you know I wouldn't miss this in the world, but I am going to see the guys with my mum and she is extremely excited! If I am free later I will for sure meet up with you though!

Almost immediately you got a reply making your mother laugh as she left the room to get her coat.

Chungha: I’m going to kill Jiyoung for ripping sisters day apart! Tell her I love her though. And if you do decide to come later I’ll come pick you up! And most of all when am I going to meet these guys you always go to see?! I only have said hi to them at school and then they run away.

“Mum! Chungha said she is going to kill you but she still loves you!” You shout laughing making your way to the hallway grabbing your shoes, sitting on the little bench putting them on. Jiyoung just shrugged a smirk on her face putting her coat on “She can try and kill me but she wont have any of the steak I cook ever again”. This only made you laugh more reaching for your own coat before opening the door. “I’m excited to see all my boys again, but I wonder why they decided to move to our town?”. Your mother asked, making you shrug, “If we stay here we won’t get answers, they refused to tell me without you there”. Getting into the car you couldn't help but feel a slight sickness in your stomach, something was coming.

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Growling slightly at her phone Chungha went to throw it on the couch but a hand stopped her. Glancing to her side he was Namjoon looking at her, his eyes serious. Gulping she calmed down taking a deep breath and decided to sit on the couch instead.

“She left me on read...again” furrowing her eyebrows she felt upset. Normally if Jiyoung wanted to spend time with them she would tag along, not exclude one or the other. She knew she couldn’t be mad as she was hiding the fact she was a werewolf from you, but these boys were normal, why did they have to be a secret. “Is she going to see those guys again” a growl came from the door making her and Namjoon look up in shock. Slowly Chungha nodded not breaking eye contact from Jungkook, who looked a combination of angry and tired. “She’s not going alone” at this she saw the boys eyes narrow slightly, Namjoon's hand patted her shoulder encouraging her to continue. Gulping she licked her lips, quickly looking at Namjoon then back at Jungkook who had taken a few steps towards her, he was waiting. “She has gone with her mother, her mother was excited to see those guys too” she whispered looking down at her hands which rested on her knees. Jungkooks growl grew louder, snapping her head up her eyes widened at the sight of Jungkook’s golden eyes. “Her mum?” He whispered back “She is going to those strangers house with her mum? I should have claimed her before all of this.” His voice getting louder and louder with each word he spoke “If only i wasn’t such a wimp about it all then perhaps she wouldn’t be going over to those guys house doing whatever it is they are doing!” The Anger Jungkook held inside was nearly erupting, and even though it wasn’t intentionally aimed at Chungha she couldn’t help but cower grabbing Namjoons arm trying to make a barrier between herself and the angry werewolf. “Jungkook” a deep authoritative voice called out making the angry boy take a step back, his anger shutting down almost immediately, Jungkook’s eyes slowly fading back to brown looked into Namjoons eyes, whose in turn has turned golden. “It is not Chungha’s fault Jungkook. You know this better than anybody” he stated resting his hand on the top of Chungha’s head trying to calm the shaking girl down, which worked slightly. Trembling himself Jungkook dropped on his knees in front of her and let out a whimper bending his head slightly letting her know he was sorry. Tears falling down her face Chungha let go of Namjoons arm and reached out to hug Jungkook, he happily returned it knowing he was forgiven by his pack mate. Namjoon watched the two and his heart went out to the both of them, many thought that a mate was the only type of bond out there, but there was a second, the one that Chungha and Y/N have. It is a secondary bond that happens when two friends are as close as real siblings. He shook his head as he thought of Jimin and Taehyung, the only ones in the main brach pack to have this bond, the trouble those two can get into.

Whipping his head up he furrowed his eyebrows, thoughts attuning to the argument that was occuring closer and closer. All three of them looked towards the door paying attention to two voices clearly arguing with each other, eyes trained on the door an angry Yoongi barged in with a displeased Hoseok behind him. “What is the matter with you two?” Namjoon questioned walking towards the two trying to calm them both. Hoseok gave the alpha an exasperated look pointing at Yoongi “Tell him just because they moved around a lot doesn’t imply that they are hunters! Just because they have wandered to some werewolf communities doesn’t mean that they are there to slaughter our own!” at this Yoongi scoffed and gave daggers to Hoseok, “You clearly aren’t thinking right then! They obviously are not werewolves because we would have noticed straight away, and it’s weird that they have travelled from place to place not staying long!” He rebutted eyes flashing gold. Hoseok’s patience was wearing thin, flashing golden eyes back he would have thrown a punch at his fellow pack mate if it wasn’t for the alpha standing in the middle of them both. “Both of you sit. Now” Namjoon ordered glaring at them both, he really was going to need a miracle to settle everything. Sensing the two pack brothers settling down on opposite ends of the room, still shouting at each other he rubbed his head sensing a headache oncoming. Chungha and Jungkook sat next to each other on the couch, eyes flickering between the two men. Jungkook wanted to speak up knowing full well it was about Y/N but he kept his mouth shut, daring a glance at the angry alpha he saw he was trying to keep it together. He truly felt bad for him and regretted his previous actions even more. “Yoongi, I am assuming you have found something in order for this argument to happen?” Namjoon looked tiredly at Yoongi, which made the latter flinch in guilt. Quietly he replied “Yes I did, I don’t know where they originally came from, they just seemed to have appeared out of nowhere but I do know they have been to a few major werewolf communities, Daegu and Ulan just to name two.” A small growl came from Hoseok’s side of the room making Namjoon narrow his eyes at the elder, all he got was a shrug in return. Damn he really is angry Jungkook spoke to Chungha in their minds and she slightly nodded, showing she agreed eyes not leaving the scene in front of her. Sighing at Hoseok, Namjoon decided to continue “And because of this you assume that they are hunters?” Nodding Yoongi ruffled his hair “It is the only explanation that I can think off”. “It’s a shit explanation. They could be friends travelling! You don’t even know them!” Hoseok blew up growling at his close friend. “Well do you have any idea then? Because I sure as fucking hell don’t! I just find something is off about them and it is fucking pissing me off”. The two angry werewolves made eye contact teeth bared ready to shift.

“Both of you shut the fuck up, your giving Namjoon a headache and causing more problems that needs be” both werewolves didn’t notice the eldest enter the room and cowered slightly at the anger he radiated. Glancing at each other they both nodded and silently went back to their previous spots making Namjoon sigh in relief. The alpha bowed his head slightly in thanks to the newcomer. “Now you guys have settled I want to inform you all of something we have been missing from the start”. Jungkook perked his head up at this intrigued in the new news that the eldest of the pack was going to give, Seokjin could have been pack leader, but he felt that it was best left to Namjoon, prefering to be in the shadows, the backbone of the main pack. “What did you find Jin? Will it answer all the questions we have?” Namjoon prayed that it did, he didn’t know how much longer he could take of it all. Sighing, Seokjin gave Namjoon a shake of the head “Unfortunately not. I wish it did but it doesn’t. At least it’s a start though.” Clearing his throat he made his way to a spare chair and situated himself so he was facing the pack members present. “The younger ones won’t remember this” he made a gesture towards Chungha and Jungkook, who was trying not to speak up and tell him to hurry up. “And you guys were slightly younger so you won’t remember a lot.” He tilted his head squinting “Even I don’t, I had to go ask my parents if they knew anything. They told me that when Y/N’s mother Jiyoung was pregnant, she left town to go somewhere else to have her child, and a month or two later came back with a baby Y/N. What if those people are from her mother's home town? Or city? It would make sense why they know each other.” The news made everyone go deep in thought, especially Jungkook. It did make sense, why they were so close to each other. But why was she extremely close to Mingyu, did she like him? No she wouldn’t, he was pretty sure that she was feeling the mate pull too. He was pulled out of his thoughts by Namjoon’s voice “Come on guys, let's do more digging, now that we have someplace to start.” Balling his hands to fists, Jungkook believed that they would find out sooner or later.

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Jimin and Taehyung were getting bored. All they have done all day is watch the full house, watching them in the garden and trying to listen to what is going on, though it was hard with the amount of noise that was going on. Groaning Jimin sat down on a log, throwing his head back he wanted to scream. “How much longer till they go? I am bored out of mind here, I don’t mind doing this because it is Jungkook’s mate and these guys are a mystery but they could have at least come to relieve us” he moaned which made Taehyung chuckle. “Just think though we can use this to our advantage, we can make Jin make us lots of food in repayment” a smirk grew on the smaller boys face, “hmmm steak, kimchi, bibimbap and more” his stomach grumbled in agreement. The two boys carried on talking to each other half paying attention to what was going on in the house, not noticing three others watching them in return and not noticing that Jiyoung left the house without Y/N.

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A warm breeze rushed through the forest and garden, a slight chill within the warmth, hinting at a cold winter to come. Seungcheol sipped his ice coffee, not really paying attention to the younger members of the pack messing around by the pool, his eyes slowly wandering over to where the two other werewolves were hidden. “They have been watching us since Y/N and Jiyoung have arrived don’t you think that it is odd?” Jisoo, or Joshua he prefered to be called, pointed out. “It is weird, but they haven’t made any move yet. It must be because we are strangers in their area” Jeonghan shrugged watching the younger ones of the pack move to pour a bucket of water over a sleeping Wonwoo. “I’m going to have to talk with their pack leader” sighed Seungcheol, “I don’t want them constantly watching us or else a fight will occur”. “Hoshi has already threatened and so has Woozi, and you know we can’t stop them” he groaned. Why did it have to be difficult, all they wanted was to be with Y/N. And Jiyoung. “Don’t worry i’ll come with you, you need me there anyway as you suck explaining why they cannot tell we are werewolves” Jeonghan pointed out the obvious, laughing as an angry Wonwoo chased Chan around the pool, the others hiding leaving him as sacrifice. Joshua laughed along with him whilst Seungcheol just shook his head. A rumble of a car meant that Seokmin and Mingyu were nearly back from dropping Jiyoung off. Minhao waltz in the garden, sunglasses on his face and watched the chaos that was unfolding, how did I end up with these idiots, he laughed to himself. “Wonwoo I think you're missing someone” Jun pointed out Seungkwan's hiding spot “Hey no fair!” the younger boy shouted pointing at Jun, gulping when he saw Wonwoo with Chan in a headlock. “Yah, Wonwoo, you know it's some fun right?” He chuckled lightly getting ready to run. Wonwoo nodded at this, threw Chan into the pool and ran after Seungkwan which made him scream and run. Minghao face palmed.

“Is Y/N still napping?” Woozi asked taking one of the spare seats ignoring what was happening in the garden. “Yeah she is, she seems so tired recently, I don’t think she is getting enough sleep” Jeonghan furrowed his eyebrows, a look of concern over her face. “I’m sure she will be fine, it is Y/N after all” a new voice perked up. “Are they still watching us though? As I will go over there. I didn’t learn taekwondo for nothing you know? My human form is just as strong as my wolf form” Hoshi pointed out. “They are still there but they don’t really seem to be paying attention anymore” Joshua answered “And I don’t think Seunghcheol wants any confrontation” he added as an after thought knowing full well Hoshi would go over which meant that Woozi would too. Shrugging Hoshi decided to leave it “Okay then, whilst you all watch them i’m gonna go swimming. Hoshi dived into the pool and when he resurfaced he saw Seungkwan and Vernon in a headlock by Wonwoo. He was one werewolf he was glad to have on his side. He laughed as the latter threw the two boys into the pool before taking his previous napping spot.

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Jungkook barged out of the room, causing the others to follow. This was the worst dream you had, he could feel your fear, the dread, the overwhelming sadness. The human part of him knew what he was doing was wrong, he could hear his pack mates trying to stop him, but the wolf in him had taken over, his mate was in pain and he needed to see her. Even if he couldn’t stop it.

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Sitting up you sob, shaking you try to stand but fall. Seokmin, who had come to wake you up to let you know dinner was ready could tell something was wrong. Making eye contact with him you let burst into more tears and whimper “Seokminnie”, he was by your side in an instant. Rubbing your back he started to rock you placing kisses on your head trying to calm you down. “It’s okay, I am here, I am here and never going to leave you.” The two of you stayed like that for a while, thanking the others didn’t come into the room, even though they could tell something was wrong. “You going to tell me what is wrong?” he said quietly disturbing the silence. You sniffle and close your eyes. Taking a deep breath you start to speak, trying to hold it together. “I’ve been having dreams Seokminnie, dreams which i haven’t told anyone about before” humming to show he was listening and understanding you carry on. “There was so much blood, tons of it, usually it is just about a lone wolf, but this time all of you guys were in it. They tortured you Seok” you burst into tears again “not only you but Chan, Seungkwan, Mingyu, all of you and that brown wolf”. Closing your eyes you could see the massacre. “There were many other wolves too”

Start of the mini massacre scene - Skip the italics if you dont want to read!

You were on your knees, you couldn’t scream. In front of you the dead wolf of Seungcheol lay, his usually pristine light brown and white fur matted with blood, Chan screaming in pain as the hunters laughed stabbing him slowly with a knife, causing extreme pain and a slow death. Seokmin lay against a broken tree barely breathing, blood gushing out of his wounds, a small pale brown wolf which almost looked white in certain light lay dead, a tree trunk stabbing her ripping a giant hole in the middle of her body. It felt a lot like Chunha. Blood covered most of the surrounding area, bodies of werewolves in both forms lay around, dead or near death. A whimper came from behind you and you made eye contact with those familiar eyes of gold, gasping you crawl as best as you can to the dying wolf. Most of his bones were broken, a large wound in his side poured a continuous stream of blood, no matter how hard you tried it didn’t stop. Sobbing you cradle the dying wolf in your arms “I love you, I love you so much” you confess as a hunter came up behind you “It’s too late little one” he chuckled grabbing your hair yanking your head back as a knife neared your bare throat making the broken wolf in your arms whimper, eyes widening as he witnessed your throat being slit.

End of mini massacre scene

Seokmin wondered if these dreams were linked to the mating bond. You had no idea of the customs of the werewolf community as they tried to keep you out of it as much as they could so you wouldn’t know about the dreams. But he couldn’t help but get angry at the wolf that refused to claim you and would rather let your mind be ripped apart. If he ever met this werewolf he was gonna rip him to shreds. He carried on rocking you till you were okay enough to stand and go down for dinner, but before he did he made sure that your face was all scrubbed so you looked nice and fresh to face the others. You smile at him hip bumping him, “Thanks Seok '' you reach out and squeeze his hand which he gladly returned. “Hey that’s what i'm here for” he stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the words before dragging you downstairs.

“Y/N!” Jeonghan called as soon as he saw you come outside, he was worried for you but knew you would tell him later on, or Seokmin. Grinning you run to him and you were immediately engulfed in a warm hug. Because your face was squished in his chest you missed the serious look Seokmin gave the latter. Kissing your forehead he gave you a loving smile “You okay?” he looked at you worriedly and you pat his cheeks, “yes of course I am! Seokmin was there to cheer me up as always” causing Jeonghan to roll his eyes and a smirk to appear on Seokmins. “Come on you slow pokes we all are getting hungry here!” a grumpy Mingyu called out, causing all of you to laugh “Okay okay mr grumpy, we shan’t keep you away from your food any longer!” You ruffle his hair which made him grunt and took a seat next to him. “Where is Chan and Seungkwan?” Joshua questioned looking around for the two of the youngest, it was unusual as those two never missed dinner. Sensing something was wrong the guys all stood up and looked towards the forest, causing you to grab the nearest guys hand, which was Mingyus, for comfort. You were not used to these situations arising. Two large familiar werewolves ran into the garden with two unrecognisable wolves chasing them. The two new wolves were fairly large, rivelling the wolf forms of Seungkwan and Chan. Chan was a pure dark grey wolf, which he found boring but you found it made him look majestic. Seungkwan's wolf form you always called Boots, he was a dusty blonde wolf with dark brown around his paws which reminded you of boots. He was slightly smaller than Chan, which annoyed him to no end, but it made you giggle. The other two wolves growled teeth bared, the dark chocolate wolf bigger than the silver grey wolf which had a white tip tail. They sure did not look happy. “Jimin! Taehyung! Back off now” a voice called out causing the two new wolves to falter in their positions and whimper. Hang on, I know those names, you perked up face draining of colour when you saw Namjoon, wait Chungha? Chungha is with them? Well fuck. You thought. This was going to be a mess. Making eye contact with Chungha she gave you a smile and you immediately relaxed, somehow knowing things would be alright.

Oh how you were wrong. What you didn’t notice was that Jungkook was growling at Jeonghan both eyes turning golden as they neared each other not noticing what was going on in their surroundings. Their only focus was on each other. Jungkook had seen the loving smile the blonde haired boy had given you, he had also seen the hug and the forehead kiss. Jealousy was an understatement. And now he knew that he was a werewolf, even if he didn’t smell like one, he was gonna rip him to shreds. Without shifting Jungkook threw a punch to Jeonghan's face causing the blonde haired boy to have a nose bleed. Tutting he wiped his nose “Now that’s not nice, we’ve only just met” he said before throwing a punch back. He may not be as strong as Jungkook but he sure did have speed. “Jungkook what the fuck are you doing?!” A scream shout pulled the two boys apart from their fight, you ran towards the two boys tears streaming down your face, you somehow dodged the hands of the other boys who tried to stop you from getting in the middle of the fight. Seeing Jungkook with a bust lip made you cry even more, your heart went out for him, making eye contact with him he could see the disappointment in your eyes, but also underlying concern. “Y/N…” He went to take a step forward towards you but you broke eye contact with him and ran to Jeonghan instead, cupping his face examining his bleeding nose. Jungkooks heart shattered, did you really choose that werewolf over him? You sobbed more whilst Jeonghan tried comforting you, the others not daring to get any closer, waiting for the right moment, or an order from their respected alphas. After making sure that Jeonghan was okay you turned around and stared at Jungkook, he was taken aback by the anger in your eyes. “Jungkook. Why the fuck did you think it was okay to go and hit my brother?”

#BTS jungkook #bts au fanfic #jeon jeongkook #bts jungkook #jungkook #werewolf jungkook x reader #werewolf bts x reader #werewolf jungkook #werewolf bts #bts werewolf au #bts jungkook x reader #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jeon jungguk #jeon jungkook

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inknose · 4 years

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mdzs read diary part IV, the end

It’s inspiring how much self care wwx is gonna finally get now that his husband will go along with whatever he does, so he’s gotta look out for lwj’s well being if not his own. that is emphatically the STUFF

dragging my hands down I face as I read this, after all these chapters of getting up close and personal with ghouls bleeding from every orifice, slaying ancient beasts, rebelling against the entire cultivation world, the two of them are absolutely paralyzed by middle school crush sleepover math

chicken

he actually drew kissy doodles .... he....

IDK I THINK I JUST DOCUMENTED THIS PART CUZ I WAS STILL SCREAMING you cant expect me to have very useful things to say at this point

this is torture you are both so mushy you are so GONE

This part really stood out to me, it’s an attitude I feel like wwx implies with his inner narration a few times but most clearly says here: he’s not one for allowing himself to exaggerate how bad his circumstances are/could be even a little bit - he’s already lived through some extreme low points and found a way to keep going, so he never makes sweeping statements about what he couldn’t live without (Inner JingYi: you’re supposed to say you’d be lost without him here!!!) Instead he seems to accept as a given that being alive doesn’t guarantee him any pleasantness or joy at all, and as a result his feelings toward being in TRUE LOVE are surprisingly pragmatic, but also colored with such gratitude. There are a lot of things in the novel that struck me, like this, as being just a little to the left of familiar tropes/sentiments, and were more touching for it. Whether it be the influence of culture difference as opposed to what I’m used to reading in most western romance stories, or MXTX’s unique outlook, or a combination of both, it was really refreshing and made me pause over it. Not “I can’t imagine living without you” but “I could be living without you, but instead I get to be with you and I think that’s the best thing that could happen.”

ADJFDKFJ THE UST BEING SO STRONG THAT EVEN THE VILLAIN COMMENTS ON IT IN THE MIDDLE OF EXECUTING HIS EVIL PLANS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT WILL NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF. hes like god damn! here I thought I had problems

it was at this moment that I realized we were doing this Now... I’m still recovering. What a scene. I am so glad I saw the most incredible fanart soon afterwards, bc the fact that someone has already drawn a perfect comic of this part means I don’t have to

I love you so much, you are so annoying, you are perfect... I like how he’s been experiencing openly requited love for all of ten minutes but he’s already figured out how to weaponize it to piss people off

doing!!! his!!! job!!!!!

ahh... it’s a really good story. JGY is a great character. One of the most interesting differences for me between drama watching vs. novel reading experience is that without an actor to bat his vulnerable doe eyes at you and smile faintly with his cute dimples, the book does not go much out of its way to try to lull the reader into a false sense of security around him or *endear* him to you the way the show does. But just by seeing events through wei wuxian’s POV, its still enough to evoke pity or understanding towards him. The overall impression is a bit more detached though, there’s less emphasis on the spectacle of how he could manipulate everyone closest to him and more of a general feeling of resigned tragedy that everyones the worst on this bitch of an earth.

I CANNOT DEAL WITH YOU FOR EVEN ONE MORE SECOND!!!!

I clearly paused to take note of less and less parts at the end & the extras due to: a) too excited to reach the end b) too spicy to photograph and c) too sleepy cuz I kept reading in the middle of the night. but I absolutely took the time for Bro We Are Teens appreciation corner:

I’d absolutely read 40 more extra chapters of their monster-of-the-week field trip antics.

god... poor Jin Ling now basically has to deal with divorced parents that talk shit about each other to him whenever he is saying with one of them. except they are both his uncles. just a disasterhood of all uncles from start to finish. AUUUGH wei wuxian and jiang cheng have fucked me up completely, I dream of them reconciling but I also REFUSE to believe it would ever be easy. let me know if theres a fanfic that absolutely tortures you for decades before they hug

HAHAHA oh no this man ain’t making it to immortality thats for damn sure. HE’S JUST GONNA TRY AS HARD AS HE CAN HIS WHOLE LIFE NOT TO LOOK AT HIM BUT THEYRE *MARRIED* SDLKFJSF ohhhh it’s too funny, like... the mundane domestic family drama IN the fantastical swords and sorcery setting is what really ratchets up these things from amusing to fucking hilarious I think

aaaa the end... final random thoughts? No not final, I would like to please keep discussing at length and exhaustively, all the time please - CQL has gotta be one of the best TV adaptations I’ve seen. ANY adaptation of anything would be lucky to be so good!! reading the novel has just made me appreciate it even more.

- I don’t think I can do justice to what I find most fascinating about comparing the two versions briefly, to do that I need to get drunk and ramble at my friends for hours but... the condensed version is something like this. Really all the significant differences between the two versions (besides the ones which can be attributed to censorship and therefore aren’t worth discussing) are a side effect of the structure of how the story is told - there’s barely anything changed arbitrarily. Aside from having a cold opening, the drama sticks to a very linear version of the story, and I think for a TV show or film, that’s probably the best way to do it. We see everything, we get shocked and tricked and betrayed and surprised along with the characters, we feel the biggest impact at the climactic scenes having experienced all the build-up. The novel on the other hand is not only much more non-linear in WHEN we learn bits and pieces of information, but that information is also obfuscated under wei wuxian’s multiple layers of Unreliable Narratoritis, which are as follows: 1) difficulty remembering things because of personality/avoiding painful memories/actual memory loss, 2) No Homo Goggles still on, and 3) a wry sense of humor that makes the reader unsure of how much they can trust his attitude toward things, especially near the beginning. The experience of reading is a puzzle the reader has to mentally piece together through all of the above listed camouflage, and the puzzle itself is a three-sided mystery: One - How Bad of a guy was Wei WuXian really, and how exactly did all the bad stuff in his life go down; Two - wangxian epic pride & prejudice gambits; Three - political murder mystery. (I love stories like this btw... though I fully admit I’m glad I watched first this time bc it might have taken me a long time to tackle otherwise.) Because of this, where the drama wants to pull you in and submerge you in all the most potent emotional parts, the novel in direct contrast deliberately side-steps around these things and asks that you hurt yourself by filling in the blanks. In fact the more intense emotions and painful memories involved, whether it be his relationship with jiang yanli, his DEATH, the darkest days of war times etc, the more the novel evasively withholds details. I actually really like both styles of storytelling but each one is obviously way better suited to its medium. ANYWAY.... THATS BASICALLY WHERE MY BRAINS AT WHILE IM READING GAY SWORD WIZARD BOOKS

- The extras are so saturated with domestic married bliss that it’s a good thing I stopped taking pictures because I’d just take a picture of every page. this is too much for me to take... I did jump the gun a few times and read a few fanfics while I was still mid-read of the book (I tried to hold out but alas I am mortal) and at one point after finishing I was like “wow what fic was it in where lwj says something cute and wwx kisses him in public but they’re in the corner of the restaurant so no one really sees... OH NO WAIT that was actually in there.” and ... and that’s the LEAST OF IT... *stares into the distance* theyre married wow

- I ofc couldn’t help but see a few vague blogs beforehand so honestly I was braced for something like, wildly ooc for the sake of porn to happen in the extras... I definitely appreciate how the incense burner porn interludes could be uhhh a lot for many people and not my personal cup of tea in terms of smut however [here follows the words of a poisonous frog who has dwelt her whole life in the rainforests of BL] the concept is also surprisingly SWEET SDFLKJF like wwx sees lan wangji’s darkest mixed-up violent teenage fantasies and he’s just like aww babe you had a crush on me!! just... good for them

- I swear I’m not gonna rehash every cute married thing they do but wei wuxian grading papers in the tub........................rEALLY GOT ME

- I want to Draw - ok thats enough if I keep going I’ll just write “wei wuxian grading papers in the tub” seven more times probably

#mdzs readthru #this obviously has many spoilers

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kuuderepunkin · 4 years

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May I please have a match up for Death note and Assassination classroom?

I’m an INTJ, Scorpio,I like to draw/paint and write. When I get the chance to Im very out going but I’m normally very shy and cold at first. I love true crime and psychology sometimes I just watch people to see why they act a certain way I have a very low self esteem and I have problems eating and sleeping, I know how to use people to get want I want and I can change my personality to make the people around me like me a lot better

When I’m in a bad mood I normally just want to be alone and way from everyone except for the person I love or am closest with. I deal with a lot at home so I don’t like being yelled at at all and tend to flinch a lot. When I get comfortable with someone I am very cuddly and clingy.

I have dark blue hair right now and blue eyes, I normally have to wear glasses but don’t if I can help it. My style is punk mixed with grunge. I love dark things but secretly like cute things.

Of course! Honestly I love true crime/psychology too o0o and I feel you on the home life, so I hope these help out at least a little bit <3 I hope you enjoy these!

Death Note matchup: L Lawliet

I would match you up with L for a couple reasons, you’re both analytical and observant of people, your interest in true crime and psychology obviously interests him as well. And your initial shy or cold personality does not bother him one bit, he’s a patient man and highly observant himself. He is very interested in your appearance as well, it’s quite unique and draws his attention immediately. When he first sees and approaches you, it’s a bit awkward, because he kind of just stares at you which may be a bit uncomfortable.

Your first meeting was probably a public police press conference, it was discussing the current growth in unexpected and unexplainable strings of deaths attached to criminals.

As always L was there just in the background despite being the one who wrote most the police reports, when he spotted you in the crowd.

You had probably heard about the case on the radio or news and became curious about the details, being a fan of true crime you wanted to see what the police investigation had turned up.

As the press conference went on you began to feel uneasy, when you caught someone staring at you. It was unsettling at first but the moment the dark haired male caught you making eye contact with him, he approached you. His piercing eyes just bore into you as he remained quiet, the two of you just standing there in false silence as the detectives began to talk about their leads in the case.

After that long awkward exchange L finally speaks and bluntly tells you he likes your hair and the “manner in which you dress.”

He curiously asks you about your opinion on the case, if you tried to cater your personality to fit a discussion with him I think he would catch on to the flexibility in your disposition.

L is very interested in what you have to say about the case, any outside perspectives are always riveting to him. If given the chance he is very excited to tell you about his personal theories on the case.

Before the two of you go your separate ways he asks for your phone number or other means of contacting you. And to ease your suspicion of his strange mannerisms he tells you who he actually is, because the time he spent talking with you he decided there was no chance you would be involved with the case, so revealing his true identity wouldn’t jeopardize anything.

It doesn’t take long for him to become attached to you, and he invites you over often to talk about different true crimes and analyze different people in deep intellectual conversations. He really enjoys having someone to discuss these topics with, let alone someone he finds himself becoming attracted to.

Even before the two of you become an official couple he will point out that you haven’t “eaten the proper amount of food necessary to sustain the human body.” And he does not hesitate to get you some food, insisting that it’s important for your mind and body.

Sadly, he is also not the best when it comes to getting rest, so sometimes he will make a compromise, he will join you in trying to get some much needed sleep. If it’s not just because you fail to get sleep, but have trouble falling asleep he will do his best to find solutions for you.

He’ll make you tea, rub your back, play with your hair to lull you to sleep, and if you’re up for it he will cuddle with you to make you feel warm and secure.

L never yells so you don’t have to worry about that at all, besides he’s so patient I feel that it would take a lot for him to become remotely upset. And if someone else is raising their voice he is quick to deescalate the situation. He’s also not a fan of people being loud, and if you’ve told him about your rocky home life he does not tolerate people making you upset.

And while L may not seem to be the type to be into affection, he truly adores it, but he never rushes into it. Especially understanding you are more introverted. Once you become comfortable with physical touch he will always crave to be near you. Not always in extremely obvious forms of affection, but he enjoys sitting next to you with his legs touching your own as your arms press into each other.

He will intertwine his fingers with yours as the two of you sit beside one another. He loves when you lean your head on his shoulder and sometimes he will put his head on your own.

When watching television on his couch he loves being the big spoon, or just sitting up and having you sit between his legs with your back against his chest. I feel he may be a bit touch starved but he only craves being near people he trusts.

I can see him watching you from the side as you draw or paint only to sneak up and gently take your glasses off and put them on, curious as to how it feels to look out of them. He gives them back after checking himself out in a nearby mirror.

Contrary to belief he is not critical about everything, by this I mean he is never critical of your art. He is curious and observant and will ask questions but he will never give his own opinion unless told explicitly to do so.

He appreciates your creativity and believes putting any kind of critical analysis on something you care deeply about, that has to do with self expression, is counter productive.

He also loves getting you gifts, it’s a mix of both your grunge/dark aesthetic and your love for cute things, somehow he finds the perfect things to get for you. Anytime he has to leave you for a job he sends gifts to you to remind you he’s constantly thinking about you.

Assassination Classroom matchup: Karma Akabane

As for Assasination Classroom there are a lot of good candidates, so choosing a single character to match you with was a close call. Nagisa is a great match for intellect and psychological discussion but his well mannered behavior may prove difficult in breaking through your initial cold exterior. Karma on the other hand is quite smart despite not initially putting his full effort in the series, and his edgy aesthetic and personality would be a great match for your own grunge/punk style. Talk about power couple, he will bring out the best (or worst) in you. He’s slightly teasing but he knows where to draw the line because his intention is not to make you upset just to see your reactions.

If you have even an ounce of sass in you, he’s going to help draw it out, making remarks about others and having you join in makes his heart grow 10 sizes. He’s so proud he can have the effect of making you more confident, even if it’s just because he’s around you.

While he hates to admit it, he’s pretty smart if he would just put the effort in. So while you discuss your interests in criminal cases and psychology he will do his best to entertain you without revealing too much of the intellect he is in public.

Luckily in private he doesn’t care how much he shows off his intelligence, he will hold long discussions with you about different people you’ve seen and the two of you will pick apart their personality and analyze every aspect of their possible psychology behind why they act the way they do.

When the two of you watch a movie you often discuss the characters and maybe how ridiculous the plot is. He’s a savage and will tear down the villains in the media because of how ridiculous they can be. It can get to the point where he’s analyzing the writers at some point because “who would write such a two dimensional character? They’re not even likeable.”

He will not let you neglect your health and will constantly remind you to eat and keep hydrated. Sometimes it sounds like he’s nagging but it’s because he doesn’t want to seem like too much of a softie.

And as for your sleeping trouble’s he’s not going to let those slide either, he’s going to be giving you massages, running you soothing baths, preparing you some tea and bed time activities to help you unwind.

If you’re down to let him cuddle he’s going to do everything in his power to lull you to sleep, tactical hair brushing, rubbing small circles to your arm.

If people yell around you he’s going to go into dark Karma mode and just be little them to the point they have crippling anxiety and just leave the two of you alone. He tries not to be too confrontational around you because he doesn’t want to make you anxious.

But he’s your body guard and won’t let anyone say or do anything that makes you nervous.

In public he’ll let you cling to him, but he insists he’s just being a good supportive boyfriend, and not that he loves to have you attached to his side.

He slightly teases you about your love of the more cute things, but he bought it for you so he obviously cares enough to make you happy. It just really gets him going to have you be expressive, whether you’re telling him off or blushing from the teasing he’s happy either way.

#Punkin look #Match-ups #submission #matchmaker #gif #I hope you like these!!! ;0;#Punkinwrites

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horansqueen · 5 years

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AM Conversations : chapter 16

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -3.9k. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- IF YOU WANT TO BE NOTIFIED WHEN THIS IS UPDATED, I THOUGHT I COULD START A TAG LIST SO LET ME KNOW. IF YOU’D RATHER BE NOTICED IN PRIVATE, MESSAGE ME TOO PLEASE!

- more smut to cum

- i’m having a hard time finding 2015 Niall gifs so i may add 2016 gifs instead. if you want to propose me any PLEASE message me. youll make my day!

- thank you so much for all the asks i get. you guys make me so happy. i cant even explain. thank you forever. i love you!!!

- the ending sucks? im sorry

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 16 : His chapter

NIALL

I tried to enjoy the afternoon with everyone but I couldn't pretend that I didn't mind that Liv was not there with me. After all, I decided to accept Harry's invitation this weekend to spend time with her and I was a bit annoyed that I was stuck with other people. I swam a bit but ended up mostly checking stuff on my phone and trying not to interact with people too much but I couldn't ignore them forever, especially not Maya who had tried to catch my attention all day.

I felt her sit on a chair next to me and it reminded me of when we were all around the fire a few nights ago. I could still remember her hand on my thigh and It made me swallow hard. I could feel her eyes on me and after a while, I couldn't resist and looked up, sending her a small but uncomfortable smile before looking back at my phone.

"I know you're avoiding me, Niall." she just admitted with a sigh, making me close my eyes. "I'm not sure why, though. I mean, you kissed me yesterday.. Is it wrong of me to think you may like me?"

I remained motionless for a few seconds, not really sure of what to answer her. I had no idea why I had kissed her but somehow, I regretted it. I knew doing something like that with her was going to make everything messier and that was why I had decided not to do anything in the first place. Now, it was too late and I knew blaming it on alcohol was just plain wrong, even if it was tempting.

I breathed in and turned to look at her, the expression on her face making me feel extremely guilty. Did I like Maya? No, I really didn't think so, and I was not sure why. She was physically everything I would have dreamed of, and had a great personality too, but I just didn't feel it at all. I remember wanting to shag her a few years ago but now I just didn't care. It made no sense and I didn't even want to try and understand my own feelings.

"Honestly, Maya." I sighed and shook my head slightly. "I'm just not ready for a relationship. Actually, I don't want a relationship."

I saw her face change and I could read sadness on her traits. I was a fucking asshole and also an idiot.

"I'm sorry, yesterday was just... a spur of the moment." I explained, moving my face closer to her and talking in a low and gentle tone. "Maybe I shouldn't have, but at that moment I really wanted it, but I don't think I want things to go further, you know?"

I noticed how disappointed she was and perhaps even heartbroken. I didn't know she liked me that much and it surprised me but there was nothing else I could do. I knew if I kept talking I would probably make things worse so I just reached out to grab her hand and squeezed it a bit, sending her a sad smile.

"Are you okay?"

I expected her to take her hand back but she just squeezed it too, putting her other hand over mine.

"No, I mean yes." she expressed, closing her eyes for a few seconds and chuckling low. "I mean, if you change your mind..."

I opened my lips to answer her but suddenly received a beach ball on my head, making me groan as I turned around. Gemma was laughing and Louis just shrugged as an apology, his eyes open wide. He looked amused and I just rolled my eyes.

"Clearly you suck at this game Tommo!" I yelled loud enough for him to hear when I noticed they were playing volleyball. "The girls are winning!"

"They beat us in numbers, that's why we're losing!" Liam argued, making me laugh again.

"Yea you tell yourself that, Liam!" I let out with a laugh.

"Why don't you show us your skills then, Neil?"

I hesitated a few seconds but finally got up, taking my shirt off and throwing it over my phone before running to them and joining the guys' team. We played for about an hour but lost against the girls and when we all walked back to the cars, I was exhausted. It made me realize I hadn't thought about my best friend in a while and just that simple idea made my heart skip a beat. She probably wasn't thinking about me either, most likely too busy to make out with Harry and I grimaced at that thought. I felt like i'd never be at ease with their relationship and it bugged me.

I noticed Maya decided to ride with Louis and it made me frown but at the same time, it was a relief. I didn't know how to act around her anymore and I was scared I had been a bit rough with her. After all, I did send her a few mixed signals and it was wrong of me, but it was better to be honest now than to make her believe something could happen between us.

"It's early, d'you think Harry and Liv are done doing it or should we just go grab a bite to give them more time?"

My head moved up to fast I almost heard my neck crack and I stared at Louis as he unlocked the door of his car to let people in.

"They're not... doing... anything." I pointed out with an annoyed chuckle, raising one of my shoulders up. "What are you on?"

"Oh Neil, you poor poor naive boy." Louis said with a laugh, shaking his head and putting his hand on my shoulder. "They've been postponing this shit for so long, don't you think they want to have some fun now?"

I frowned more, my eyes roaming on his face as he smiled more.

"If he touched her i'm gonna kill him." I just replied without thinking, making Louis chuckle.

"That's not really your business, Niall, is it now?"

My facial expression changed but I tried to keep the anger in. I was tired to hear that it was none of my business and that I was not allowed to protect and care for Liv. She was my best friends and that's what best friends do. I wanted to tell him to keep his opinions to himself but I swallowed my words, the feeling extremely unpleasant. Louis took a step closer and looked behind himself to make sure everyone was in the car before turning back to look in my eyes.

"If you want to be more than friends with her, you need to do it now, or it may be too late." he pointed out in a low tone, raising his eyebrows at me.

"I have no idea what the f-" I started, taking a step back, as he gripped my shoulder harder.

"Shut up." he cut me. "That little competition you've got going on with Harry? It's getting annoying, and it's about Olivia. The sooner you open your eyes the better, so we don't have to witness it anymore, okay?"

Without giving me the chance to answer, he turned around and sat in his car, closing the door roughly. I stood there for a few more seconds and finally pushed all the air out of my lungs before walking around my car and sitting behind the wheel. I would have laughed at his words if I hadn't been so fucking pissed. Everyone around me was going fucking insane, and Louis was just the worst of them all.

Maybe the way I cared about her could pass as more than friendship but they all knew how close Liv and I were and I couldn't understand why suddenly, it meant something else. Nothing had changed between us except maybe the fear of losing the other but that didn't mean we had feelings for each other.

I drove the whole way back to the lodge in silence, trying to respect the speed limits, even if I was impatient to get back there, if only to know if Louis was right. Now that he was mentioning it, they were always flirty around each other and it made something stir in my stomach. I remembered the way they danced at the club or the things they said when we played truth or dare. Why didn't I notice that before? It seemed so obvious now that that's what Harry had in mind when he asked me to spend time with Liv alone and I slapped myself mentally for being so oblivious to his intentions.

My seat belt was undone as soon as I parked the car and I quickly grabbed my stuff to walk back inside fast. I was still mad and I really didn't feel like talking with anyone so when I rushed to my room, I didn't think to knock. If catching my best friend masturbating wasn't enough, finding her naked under one of my bandmates would certainly do the trick from now on.

Liv let out a short high-pitched scream while Harry muttered a curse word, pushing his body over hers to hide her from my eyes. His reaction brought back the anger inside me and I held my breath as my eyes found Liv's. She immediately closed them as I remained motionless, facing the bed. I couldn't think of any worse scenario than this exact one.

"Niall, could you please just fucking leave?" Harry asked, glaring at me.

"You're fucking my best friend! I'm not leaving!"

The words escaped my lips and my heart skipped a beat. It didn't make any sense but at the same time, it did to me.

"We're not having sex, we were just making out." Liv explained in a soft voice, her eyes still shut tight.

"You're bloody naked!" I mentioned, my face twisting into an upset grimace. "You guys have been dating for like, two minutes!"

"That's none of your business, Niall, now leave." I heard Harry say, making me even angrier.

"You, you don't tell me what to do!" I let out meanly, taking a step closer and pointing a finger at him.

"NIALL! LEAVE!"

The room became quiet and my eyes met Olivia's as my lips parted in surprise. I let my arm fall back on my side, my heart beating hard in my chest as I tried to remember if my best friend even yelled at me before. I couldn't really blame her. I was, in fact, yelling at the guy she liked while she waited naked under him, but I was still shocked by her words. I remained motionless, just staring at her for a while, until she swallowed hard, closing her eyes again.

"Please, Nee, leave." she repeated in a low tone this time.

It took me about a minute to turn around and leave, shutting the door so hard behind myself that the frame shook slightly. I passed my hand in my hair, pulling on it hard and roughly, as I paced in the hall. I didn't know how to let go of that insanely painful and annoying feeling inside of me and I groaned low, closing my eyes hard, trying to get rid of the image of Harry on top of my best friend.

I don't know how long it took but it seemed to take forever until the door opened again. Harry stopped in front of me and we stared at each other until he shook his head a few times.

"What?" I let out a bit too loud, raising my hands up. "You're mad at me because you didn't have time to shag her?"

"I'm mad because you hurt her and she's sad." he let out slowly and in a low tone, making sure I heard every word. "I'm mad because she asked me to leave and I can't comfort her, she won't let me be there for her and yes Niall, I blame you."

He just moved past me, hitting my shoulder with his arm lightly as he left but I didn't budge.

"If you loved her, you should have told me when I asked you." he added as he reached his room. "Now it's too late."

I held my breath until I heard his door close and took a few steps, pushing on the ajar door of the room I shared with Liv. I was surprised to see her walk quickly around in the dark, wearing Harry's shirt. The sight made me cringe but I just shoved my hands on my pockets.

"What the FUCK are you doing?" I asked, my eyes following her as she grabbed stuff around the room.

"I'm leaving!" she just let out, not even looking at me.

"Leaving? From here? Or just from this room?"

She didn't answer but sniffed and that's when I noticed she was crying. I felt my heart break in my chest and most of my anger vanished. Seeing Olivia sad was the worst thing in the fucking world. I could have told her to leave. I could have told her to go see Harry if that's what she fucking wanted. But she was crying and it made me want to take her in my arms instead. She ended up on her knees, sobbing even more, and I knew that if she was shamelessly crying like that in front of me, it meant she couldn't control it. I sighed and put myself in front of her, getting on my knees too. They brushed against the carpet and I winced a bit at the pain in my left one, making me realize I shouldn't have played volleyball for so long.

"Please, petal, i'm so sorry."

Cautiously, I reached for her shoulders with both my hands, expecting her to push me away but instead, she just collapsed in my arms, her head leaning against my upper arm. I held her closer and tighter, burying my face in her hair and smelling the same thing I had noticed a few days ago. I inhaled deeply, the scent of vanilla invading me, and pressed her body against mine the best I could. It was ridiculous. I was ridiculous, and I was not even sure why she was crying. All I knew is that I wanted her to stop being sad.

"I'm so sorry." I repeated just as low. "I really shouldn't have. Fuck. I don't know why I got so pissed I just.. I just don't want him to take advantage of you."

I held her close a few more minutes and she wiped her tears on my shirt, looking up in my eyes. I brought both my hands to her face and cupped her cheeks, running my thumbs under her eyes to remove what was left of her sadness. My gaze traveled on her face, noticing how heartbroken she looked, and my lips parted slightly at how close we were.

"He was... he was not. I wanted this." she murmured.

I couldn't understand myself anymore. I didn't know what was happening to me, or what I wanted. All I knew was that I was losing her and that no matter what I did, nothing seemed to go back the way it used to be.

"I don't deserve it but please, forgive me." I breathed out, watching her eyes flutter close and open again, my face still only a few inches away from hers. "I'm gonna leave you two alone now, okay? I'll let you do whatever you want without a comment and without butting in."

She closed her eyes and I felt her shake a bit, aware that she was near sobbing.

"Hey, hey, Liv..." I tried to get her attention back. "I promise. Just... look, i'm so fucking scared to lose you."

I thought i'd regret my words but as soon as they escaped my lips, I felt an incredible relief wash over me but still held my breath. I could feel my heart beat against my rib cage but her eyes opened and she shook her head lightly.

"You'll never lose me, Niall." she pointed out, swallowing hard. "I feel like you're always so close to leave. I'm scared you'll realize that I'm nothing compared to the people you hang out with and you'll just drop me."

Her voice was low and weak and her words shook me in a way I didn't expect. How could she ever think something so bad coming from me? How could she ever think so low of herself?

"If anything, you're too good for me." I whispered, running one of my thumbs on her lips. "You're my best friend and I love you, okay? I'll always love you."

Her eyes got slightly bigger when I moved closer for a few seconds but I finally moved back and licked my lips, still cupping her face.

"You understand?" I asked, raising my eyebrows as she nodded slowly. "Okay."

I loosened the grip I had on her cheeks and she sat up, closing her eyes. I felt like shit for how I was acting around her and even if I couldn't shake the bad feeling I had about Harry and her, I knew I had to keep it to myself from now on, even if it would be tough.

"Please, stay."

She didn't look at me at all. She just got up, leaving her stuff on the floor, and walked to the bed to sit on it. I got up too and sighed, biting my bottom lip as I looked at her.

"Are you hungry?" I just asked, shoving my hands in my pockets again.

"Yea, give me a few minutes, I'll dress up and meet you in the kitchen." she said after clearing her throat. I nodded and turned on my heel but stopped again when I heard her voice. "You should go talk to Harry."

I shut my eyes tight, grabbing the inside of my pockets tight as I breathed in. I knew she was right, but there was nothing I wanted less than to go talk to him. Still, I had to do it for her.

"Okay."

I closed the door behind myself and quickly walked to Harry's room, knocking on the door. It swung open after only a few seconds and when I saw his smile fall down, I realized he had hoped for Liv, and not for me.

"Harry, I just wanted to say that i'm sorry." I quickly let out, one of my hands still twisting the fabric of the inside of one of my pockets. "That won't happen again."

His face softened slightly but I could tell he was still pissed at me. We remained silent for about a minute and I just nodded a few times, turning around to leave.

"Why?"

His question made me frown and I turned around to look at him again, shrugging.

"Why what?"

"Why didn't you just tell me that you loved her?" he questioned me, taking a step closer to me and leaning against the door frame.

"Because I don't." I rolled my eyes. "What's wrong with you guys? Liv and I have always been close, it's nothing new."

"No, things have changed." he argued again. "You never cared about who she dated before."

He was right, but I couldn't tell him that I knew him and that I was scared he'd break her heart. I couldn't tell him that seeing them together gave me a wrong vibe. I couldn't tell him I felt like I'd be the one who'd have to mend the pieces of her heart after he breaks it. So I just shrugged and raised my eyebrows.

"I've always been protective of her."

"That's very close to being possessive. You should know that."

I grimaced at his accusation but swallowed a bitter remark.

"Well that's over." I just explained. "I promise this won't happen again. By the way, it's dinner. I think Louis bought food on his way back."

When I walked down the hall, I heard some whispers and everyone was sitting at the table when I entered the kitchen. It was so obvious that they all had been listening that I suddenly felt nauseous. I took a seat as everyone started taking food from the bags Louis had placed on the table. He had decided on chinese and it made me take a mental note to hit the gym as soon as this crazy weekend would be over. I realized a bit too late that I was sitting next to Maya but I decided to not overthink it.

I tried not to stare when Liv and Harry entered the room too but noticed Louis sending them a smirk. They both sat next to each other but on the other side of the table and I bit my tongue hard enough to make sure I didn't make any comment about it. Was I annoyed that my best friend wasn't sitting by my side? Yes. But after the tantrum I had just thrown, I knew I should lay really fucking low.

We all started eating but for some reason, I didn't feel like talking with anyone. I didn't add anything or even laugh when Louis made a few comments about Liv and Harry spending the whole day alone together in the house. I focused on eating what was in my plate quickly and when I was done, I brought my dishes to the counter and got out of the room, letting myself fall on one of the couches with a loud sigh.

I only had a few minutes of alone time when I realized Maya had joined me, taking a seat next to me but not close enough to touch me. I looked up at her and blinked a few times as she sent me a sorry look.

"We sort of heard." she confessed, nibbling her bottom lip as my gaze dropped to my lap.

"Yea, I sort of guessed."

"I know you just want us to be friends but I want you to know that, if you need me, I'm always here."

I felt defeated and I didn't know why. I felt a lot of things these days that I just didn't understand. Olivia and I had talked, and we both made it clear that we would never leave each other. Then why did I still feel like shit? Why did I feel like a truck had ran over my heart until it stopped beating? Why the FUCK did I feel like I had lost?

"I don't know what I want anymore, Maya." I sighed, closing my eyes and passing one of my hands in my hair.

"What does that mean?"

I stayed motionless for a few seconds and finally opened my eyes, sighing again. I shrugged and looked up before diving my gaze into hers. She was gorgeous and kind. Smart and sexy. She was literally everything i've always dreamed of.

"It means i'm not making promises, but I guess we could try. We could go on a date, maybe?"

I saw surprise light up her face and her lips parted, making me chuckle sadly. I was not sure I was doing the right thing but at this point, I was not sure of anything. Perhaps, finding myself someone to be with would make all of this easier. Maybe I wouldn't be so angry anymore when I'd see Harry with my best friend.

"If you're still interested, of course."

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things-we-used-tc-share · 5 years

Text

adoration and all it’s side effects.

Warnings: sex mention, touch starvation

Ship: Logan/Roman/Patton

Plot: Logan managed to go twenty-two years of his life without ever once even thinking he is falling in love. Until another man moves in with him and he’s so full of sunshine that Logan realizes he always had the capacity to love, he’d just ever acknowledged it before.

And then he meets his boyfriend

The first day that Logan had been living with his new roommate, he’d dreaded having company. He’d lived alone since he was 18, with his own structured life and routines that he didn’t want interrupting. He feared that the company would disrupt his life. He did, disrupt Logan’s life, just not in the way he was expecting.

Logan came downstairs to bright blue eyes and messy curly hair as his roommate hums around the kitchen making pancakes. He looked so carefree, so content, so happy, and he was making Logan breakfast. The man barely has time to say good morning before a plate of pancakes are being pushed into his hand, this dazzling smile on the other man’s freckled face, and stunned by this show of kindness he’d never once received in his life, can only mutter a “Thank you, Patton,”

And Patton, who has got to be the polar opposite of Logan, settles so easily into Logan’s routine without really disturbing it. At lunch, the student will knock on the other’s door and asks if he wants something to eat before he himself returns to his studies. At dinner, when Logan comes downstairs after finishing his work Patton will ask him if he’s okay with a meal he’s made, if not Patton will freeze the leftovers for another day but more often than not Logan will want the food (Especially as he’s good at many things, cooking is not one of them).

Logan’s sure he’s feeling something that he’s never felt before and puts it down to his long lack of companionship. Until he catches himself one morning staring at Patton as the man dances along to the music, a grin on his face whilst he makes a cup of coffee and some waffles. His thoughts wander, thinking about how happy Patton is, how he wishes he could make him happier.

And kiss him.

The dark haired man physically recoils at the thoughts, sitting bolt upright because that’s new, he’s never wanted to be with anyone before. And yet Patton, dancing around in shorts and a shirt that’s three sizes too big with his messy light brown curls sticking up in every which direction, is someone he really does want to be with.

Even if he’s extremely silly and his absolute opposite and cries after watching Disney movies.

Instead of addressing it, Logan eats his pancakes and drinks his coffee and disappears upstairs, because like fuck is he going to try and think about that.

Then one day Logan comes in from doing the shopping and Patton certainly seems to have company if the noises are anything to go by, he’s never moved so fast to get out of his own house before, but it seemed there's a first time for everything. When he comes back later he gets to meet Patton’s boyfriend.

Who is, by the way, the most flirtatious guy he’s ever met. And Patton doesn’t seem to mind at all, laughing as Logan’s cheeks get redder with each compliment and innuendo. Logan can’t particularly say he minds either. It’s strange, new and unusual, but not the worst experience he’s ever had. Suddenly Patton seems to flirt more too, after this encounter.

It takes a while for Logan to realize that Patton knows he heard them going at it.

It takes even longer for him to realize why the two were flirting so empathetically with him every single time he meets them. “Oh,” He mutters, staring at his plate with red cheeks “Are you, asking me on a date?”

“We’ve been trying to tell you for about two months now but you don’t seem to get...beating around the bush,”

“Sorry, Roman, It’s a slight first for me, so some things just metaphorically go over my head,” But he accepts, because he’s twenty-two and never been on a date and because they’re both really quite nice and that’s something he’s not used too either. And also because Patton’s smile makes his heart race and because sometimes Roman speaks in Spanish and it makes his body temperature rise. And maybe, just maybe, because he doesn’t know the word love and what it does, he can tentatively admit he adores them and all these little side effects they bring.

He adores them.

It’s been a while since Logan has been genuinely excited for anything or anyone in his life; but Patton comes out of his room with this long blue skirt and white blouse looking like...something wonderous, and Roman turns up with this white shirt and skinny jeans, orange and red eyeshadow decorating his eyelids, and Logan feels his heart stop in his chest.

Is he even good enough for either of them?

They take a hand each and he smiles a genuine smile, the sort of smile he hadn’t seen since he was a child at Christmas. He’d become so comfortable in his own loneliness that he’d never realized he didn’t have to be alone, even less so that he had to be lonely.

By the end of the date, they were all a little buzzed from glasses of wine mixed with the most delicious food and sugar-filled ice creams. Moving back into Logan and Patton’s apartment, leaning on each other to flop on the couch, Logan finds Roman’s head on his shoulder whilst Patton practically curls up in his lap.

Roman kisses his cheek and his face heats up, his mouth feeling dry and his heart hammering in his chest. His body demanding more of these gentle, innocent touches. He leans into Roman a little and the elder smiles gently, tilting Logan’s chin up to kiss his lips just quickly, softly, innocently.

Logan whimpers.

“You’ve been alone for a long time, huh?” Roman mutters gently and Patton looks up at the two from where he’s lying across their laps, eyes wide and full of care. “Come on,” Patton sits up and lets the two stands, sitting cross-legged as he watches Roman unravel all of Logan’s fears with the touch of his fingertips. Patton leans his head in his hand and smiles at the two, watching as the elder leans forward to capture the other’s lips, gentle fingertips sliding under his shirt.

Logan is so touch-starved. The two note at once as they realize that what Logan for isn’t asking for isn’t more as in sex, but more as in...he needs to be held. So Patton stands up and wraps his arms around the other’s waist from behind and kisses his neck gently, whilst Roman peppers little kisses against his lips and cheeks.

And Logan starts tearing up and panics, unsure why he’s crying, unsure what’s wrong. “It’s okay,” Patton whispers soothingly “You’re not used to it, it’s normal to feel weird,”

“But we’re here, and we’ll take care of you,”

And they do, they eventually end up lying in Patton’s bed, wearing sweatpants, or boxers if you’re Roman with an irrational fear for being too warm in the middle of the night. Logan falls asleep with the tears drying on his cheek, feeling the most comfortable he’d ever felt in his life; warm adoration pumps through the valves of his heart and heats his blood, before relaxing his breathing into comfort.

@analogical-mess // @unikornavenger // @mycatshuman // @creativity-killed-thekitten// @theresneverenoughfandoms // @charmingprincey // @aclickonapostwillchangeyourlife // @heck-im-lost//@k9cat//@stilljittery//@romansleftshoulderpad // @sanderssideslibrary // @max-is-tired//@therealmoshar//@punsterterry// @trashypansexual// //@demigodnamedathena//@sevencrashing//@misunderstood-shadow//@aphriteblack//@jemthebookworm//@sandersandthesides//@penguinkool//@georganabanana//@importantrunawaystudentstuff // @ao-koshka // @dangerous-doodle // @river-waterfall // @hell-or-high-waters // @no-sleep-gang-posts//@wxlcomxtothxjunglx // @marshmallow-the-panda // @flix-net

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yuhoht-t · 4 years

Note

For the ask thing do 1 through 50 please because you're cool

OH my god. WHO ARE YOU because i Hate you now omg

but okay here we go:

1. What’s your sexual orientation?

BI! i am bi bi bi :)

2. What are you obsessed with right now?

right now? here in the year of our lord 2020? at 9:25 am?? march 11th? nothing, my brain is a little preoccupied atm with the absolute stupidity of the american college system

3. Ever done any drugs?

i have not, sometimes i want to, but then simply do not

4. What piercings do you want?

i kinda want snake bites? or maybe a second ear piercing. but im not really sure

5. How many people have you kissed?

uno

and honestly? it kinda sucked?

6. Describe your dream home.

a cottage situated in a nice little cliff-side meadow, a beautiful forest to one side and the ocean to the other. I have a small little garden for herbs and easier to grow staples. Maybe a couple of chickens. There’s a whole room, maybe even a whole other structure, dedicated to just being my art studio. It almost definitely smells like oil paint and graphite. There also has to be a large bay window with a seat, two floor to ceiling bookcases on either side.

There’s a lot more I could say, but basically look up cottagecore/goblincore/dark academia and that’s basically it

7. Who are you jealous of?

anyone who gets to go to art school

8. What’s your favorite show to binge?

usually it’s a mix between parks n rec and the office

9. Do you watch porn?

i am an adult

10. Do you have a secret sideblog?

oohohohohahahahaaaaaa, yes. many actually

11. If you could teleport anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

question. am i immune to any diseases in the region? if yes. can i just take the teleporter and go wherever? there are too many places i want to go

but really i suppose, Ireland? I mean it is March

12. What’s one of your fantasies?

that someone likes me

13. Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced?

no i don’t think so. it just kinda sounds a little uncomfortable. but it is pretty hot i won’t lie

14. How would you spend a million dollars?

art school. i mean i’d have to see if i get in first! but then after that i’d give the rest to my mom. i owe her and if i ever get the chance i will be paying her back.

15. Are you in a relationship?

bitch? who do you think i am? what do you think i look like? of course fucking not.

16. Do you follow porn blogs?

[this image violates tumblrs guidelines]

17. Are you angry with anyone right now?

yes. is it petty? also yes. but it’s affecting my sleep and how comfortable i am in my environment so i think actually kind of justified.

18. What tattoos do you want?

i want a design with poppies and lavender and maybe my mountain, and i’d like to have it, well, let me see if i can find a picture

like this

but it’s kind of a pipe dream since tattoos are expensive and hurt lol

or this:

AHAAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAAAA

19. If you could change your name, would you? What would you change it to?

so, heres the thing, i don’t technically mind my name. it’s a good name. it’s gender neutral both in long form and my preferred nickname. BUT. it is very common and i certainly don’t actually love it all that much. However, i have no fucking clue what i’d change it to.

20. What is something you’re obsessed with?

internet culture. i don’t usually talk about it, but i absolutely love culture and specifically the cultures that have been cultivated from the internet. it’s so cool!

21. Describe your best friend.

okay, so, she’s amazing. extremely talented and smart. and honestly has the coolest style of anyone i’ve ever met. the biggest gemini bitch you’ve ever met and i love her for it. she knows so much about horror and movies and is just really informed about so many interesting things. And she’s not afraid to get into politics and religion and all that “taboo” stuff. she’s actually taught me so many things! she’s great n i don’t get to gush often about the people i genuinely like in this world so yeah. also, she HOT AS SHIT N EVERYONE IN THE WORLD IS DUMB IF THEY DON AGREEEEEE

22. Tag someone you think is hot.

ahahhhahahhahahahhaaaaa no.

23. Who are five of your favorite bands/musical artists?

- Ghost

- Gorillaz

- Phoebe Bridgers

- Orville Peck

- FIDLAR

(okay, so I was doing this and really there are too many, this is not a great list but I think it covers the range of taste???)

24. What are three places you want to travel?

Japan, Italy (for the art), and ummm, probably Iceland (for the continental divide)

25. Describe your perfect Friday night.

this gonna sound so sad but, literally, all of my roommates leave and i get to spend it in solitude doing whatever the fuck i want without having to worry about being watched (that’s what we call paranoia kids!)

26. What’s your favorite season?

it depends. but right now i’m jonesin’ for some good ol’ fashioned summer thunderstorms.

27. What’s your pet peeve?

people

28. Who is the funniest person you know?

me bitch, next question

nah i’m kidding, maybe my little brother? or maybe my friend Shareeza? there is somethin about that girl that just makes me die every time she talks

29. What’s the most overrated movie?

maybe because it’s been a long time, but like, Frozen? idk. it’s what my intuition is telling me so ima go with that.

30. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message.

you know i’m not really sure at this moment, but straight up, this is now an open call for anyone who wants to message me, shy or not, i promise i’ll answer lol ^-^

31. Do you like paper books or ebooks better?

paper, obviously. who do you think i am?

32. If you could live in a fictional world, what world would you pick?

maybe Spiderwick Chronicles? I love the idea of being able to actually see the fey. or really any world where there’s a hint of me possibly being able to actually have magic or a magical experience.

33. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like?

ALL

34. What’s your coffee order?

carmel mocha, if i’m paying for coffee i want it to taste like pure caffeinated sugar

35. Do you have a crush on anyone?

maybe? i have a hard time deciphering those types of feelings

36. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes?

don’t got none. for past crushes tho? i’m not really sure.

37. Have any tattoos?

38. Do you drink?

39. Are you a virgin?

i don’t have to answer this, do i?

(that basically is an answer)

40. Do you have a crush on any of your mutuals?

again, hard time with understanding romantic feelings.

41. How many followers do you have?

642

42. Describe the hottest person you know.

i feel a liiitlel uncomfortable with this question. and on those grounds i don’t think i’m gonna answer it.

43. What’s your guilty pleasure?

not killing myself :)

44. Do you read erotica?

45. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?

too fresh bro, mmmm can’t open up those wounds quite yet

46. How many people do you follow?

293

47. If you could marry any celebrity, who would you pick?

maybe Jameela Jamil? she’s just so pretty and smart

or maybe David Tennant cause like. i’ve had a crush on him since my doctor who days so really, why not

48. Describe your ideal partner.

willing to go to battle for and with me. and against me.

also it’s important that they’re understanding of me and my struggles, as well as accepting my points of view as my truth and not belittle me for having them. And be willing to give there all in these aspects because I will give my all in these ways for them. That’s just how i work.

49. Who do you text the most?

oh idk, maybe my mom?

50. What’s your favorite kind of weather?

clouds. and wind. i like to feel like i’m gonna blow away

okay, jeezus, this was a lot. I hope one of you fuckers actually reads this

#about a mouse #ask a mouse

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drsilverfish · 5 years

Text

The Riddle of the Sphinx: 14x12 Prophet and Loss

First, thanks to @verobatto-angelxhunter @gneisscastiel @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @mrsaquaman187 for inviting me to guest this week, as part of their ongoing SPN #Metafest project @metafest

along with several other guests: @bluephoenixrises @poorreputation @agusvedder @amwritingmeta @savannadarkbaby @prairiedust and

@norahastuff

I’m going to guest meta about the Riddle of the Sphinx.

Here is creepy Tony Alvarez drowning his first victim.

Despite an opening dose of Bucklemming torture-porn (ugh - although tbf there was a narrative point, as the drowned girl was a mirror for Dean, just like the slain first-born son and the dude who almost got barbecued were - more on that later...)... So, yeah, despite that, I was thrilled to see this in the visual narrative architecture - the Sphinx Machine Shop, where Tony does his mangled prophecy induced killing.

The Sphinx, as you know, is a fearsome part-woman, part winged-lion beastie, in Greek mythology, who was famous for guarding the entrance to Thebes and asking travellers to solve the answer to a riddle in order to gain safe passage to the city. If they failed, she devoured them.

She is tied in mythology not just to puzzles and their solutions, but to fate...

Here is the Sphynx of Naxos, from the Temple of Apollo at Delphi (560 BCE)

Image from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sphinx_of_Naxos

The Temple of Delphi was the site of the Oracle of Delphi, who was the High Priestess Pythia (a transferrable role) famous for her prophesies, which came to her in trance-states, supposedly from the God Apollo.

You see the link to SPN’s own Prophet role here....

The Sphinx also, famously, appears in Sophocles’ play Oedipus Rex, which became the basis for Freud’s also famous (and relevant a bit later) “Oedipus complex”. Sophocles didn’t invent the myth, but his telling is its most famous rendition.

Despite his other misfortunes, Oedipus doesn’t get devoured by the Sphinx, because he solves her riddle, a popular rendition of which is:

“What goes on four legs, on two legs, on three, and the more legs it goes on, the weaker it be?”

The answer, is - a human (baby, adult, old person with a stick).

Oedipus’ story is a classic story about fate, just like Appointment in Samara (re-worked in an SPN episode, 6x11, but originally an old Mesopotamian tale) which @mittensmorgul and I were talking about just recently, in relation to themes of fate vs free will in SPN (specifically in relation to the role played by Death - see here for the discussion:

http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/182454009599/mittensmorgul-drsilverfish-mittensmorgul )

Oedipus’ story is a (f-d up) family drama - rather relevant to our very own Family Winchester [no, NOT because this is all about either of the boys wanting to sleep with Mary Winchester - thanks Dr. Freud - although, come to think of it, Dean did say she was hot in 4x03 In The Beginning :-)]

14x13 Lebanon promo shot

When baby Oedipus is born, his father King Laius receives a prophecy that his son will grow up to kill him, and so, he sends a shepherd to expose the baby on the mountainside to die, before that can happen. The shepherd however, not being an asshole, saves the baby, and raises him secretly as his own.

Oedipus grows up, and he eventually learns from the Oracle at Delphi herself (see above) that he is fated to kill his father and marry his mother. Believing the shepherd and his wife are his true mother and father, whom he loves, he leaves his home in the mountains for the city of Thebes, determined to defy the prophecy.

On the way, he meets a quarrelsome old man on the road, they fight, and Oedipus kills him:

When he gets to Thebes, he finds the King has been slain, by persons unknown, and the town is at the mercy of the Sphinx. Oedipus, by guessing the Sphinx’s riddle, obtains safety for the town and is, in gratitude, appointed King himself and given the widowed Queen, Jocasta’s, hand in marriage.

All is well for a bit, until a plague descends on Thebes, and Oedipus is told that to save the city, he must avenge King Laius’ death. So, he goes sleuthing, with the extremely relucant help of his seer Tiresius, and to his horror, discovers that he is the one who killed the King (that old dude on the road to Thebes all those years ago), that he is the King’s true son, and has, therefore, killed his father and, in marrying Queen Jocasta, married his mother and committed incest, fulfilling the prophecy he set out to escape from. He promptly blinds himself in horror. Poor ancient Greek dude.

The Chorus laments the power of fate

O heavy hand of fate! Who now more desolate, Whose tale more sad than thine, whose lot more dire? O Oedipus, discrowned head, Thy cradle was thy marriage bed;

http://www.gutenberg.org/files/31/31-h/31-h.htm - Project Gutenberg translation of Oedipus Rex.

A reference to the story of Oedipus and the Sphinx is extremely pregnant right now in the SPN narrative, for two reasons:

1) Fate vs Free Will

2) The Ghost of John Winchester

1) Fate vs Free Will

Dean thinks his interpretation of the book Billie handed him in 14x10 Nihilism - apparently the only death of his in which AU!Michael doesn’t take over his meat-suit and burn the world - means he has to sink himself to the bottom of the ocean, in the Ma’lak (angel) box and that’s “fate”.

Like Oedipus, there is no escape.

However, 14x12 tells us two things. Firstly, by analogy - the prophecy is wrong. Alvarez thinks he is carrying out the prophetic Word of God TM by recreating a twisted version of the Plagues of Egypt sent by God in Exodus:

1) The slaughter of a first-born son

2) Drowning in the Red Sea

3) Fire out of Heaven

(all of which are mirrors for what Dean thinks is his “fate” right now: death of a first born son; being drowned forever at the bottom of the ocean in the Ma’lak box; being consumed by the AU Archangel Michael’s Heavenly grace/fire).

But it’s a garbled message, received as a result of Prophet Donatello’s comatose scramblings.

Secondly, screw prophecy - against the odds, Dr. Sexy of the Lord (yeah - you know Dean thought it) is able to revive Donatello, thus preventing further scramblings (aka wrong prophesies).

CASTIEL: “Dean - if there is a spark, a hope, then I have to try.... you taught me that!”

I loved that line, with its resonance all the way back, like a skein of blue grace, to the Apocalypse Mark One, when Dean convinced Castiel, in Zacharia’s (also due to return in 14x13 Lebanon) “green room” in 4x22 Lucifer Rising, to disobey Heaven for the sake of humanity (Yes, Dean, an angel did fall for you...).

In other words, just as the Winchesters beat their “fate” to be “angel condoms” for Michael and Lucifer last time around, by “tearing up the script” and “making it up as they go” (4x22 Lucifer Rising) thanks to the help of rebel angel Castiel, so they can do so again.

2) The Ghost of John Winchester

In the SPN world’s worst kept spoiler, we know John will return next week in 14x13 Lebanon. We’ve been meta’ing about the ghost of John Winchester haunting the SPN narrative for... forever.

Here is some meta of mine on the subject from S12:

http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/158388550099/john-winchesters-ghost-and-the-haunting-of-s12

John is explicitly recalled, during the brothers’ (beautifully rendered) car conversation in 14x12:

DEAN: “You ever think about when we were kids?”

SAM: “Maybe, yeah, sure, sometimes, why?”

DEAN: “I know I wasn’t always the greatest brother to you.”

SAM: “Dean, you were the one who was always there for me. The only one. I mean, you practically raised me.”

DEAN: “I know things got dicey, you know with Dad, the way he was... and I just.... I didn’t always look out for you the way that I should of. I mean, I had my own stuff, y’know, and in order to keep the peace, it probably looked like I took his side quite a bit. Sometimes, when I was away, you know it wasn’t cos I just ran out, right? Dad would, he would send me away, when I really pissed him off. I think you knew that.”

SAM: “Man I left that behind a long time ago, I had to.”

AU!Michael, I’ve been arguing since the start of the season, is a mirror for Dean’s self-repression and for John Winchester. See:

http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/179463975289/shirtlesssammy-14x03the-scar-meta-writers

John was one of the major causes of Dean’s self-repression, as illustrated in the convo above, where it’s clear Dean had to grow up too fast to become a substitute-parent to Sam, where he was often obedient to their father to “keep the peace”, and where he was also often, unreasonably, punished by his father in the process (such as, as we already know, when he was sent to Sonny’s after stealing food for Sam in 9x07 Bad Boys).

According to psychoanalysis, we always internalise psychological constructs of our parents - Freud calls them imagos. So the Riddle of the Sphinx, for Dean, is how to kill (or rather, lay to rest) the ghost of his father (whom AU! Michael is a mirror for) and with it, the self-repression which has wounded him so much, psychically, since childhood, without letting it kill him too.

Nick, of course (general shudder) also serves as a John Winchester mirror in the episode - his obsessive revenge quest for the slaughter of his wife (aka mirror Mary Winchester) by Abraxas, led to something she never wanted - damage to innocents along the way (aka mirror innocents, Sam and Dean).

To Conclude

The answer to the Sphinx’s riddle, the one that helped Oedipus avoid being devoured by her was.... humanity.

Light Sphinx, 2015-2016, Mixed media (inc. foam, hand stitched fabrics, LEDs, beads, synthetic hair), 74 x 32 x 54 cm by Tarryn Gill

https://tarryngill.com/Light-Sphinx-Shadow-Sphinx-2015-16

Dean IS the symbolic representation of humanity (which is why Amara was so fascinated by him, and let’s not forget Metatron’s words about Castiel in 9x22 Stairway to Heaven - “He’s in love with.... humanity”).

Our first-born Winchester son just has to believe what this episode showed him - prophecy can be wrong.

His “fate” - to die, to drown forever, to be consumed by holy grace/fire, to remain trapped by the ghost of his father, by his own self-repression, by AU!Michael, by the Ma’lak box (aka, in subtext, the closet) is NOT the “Word of God”.

And killing one’s father doesn’t (as it did for Oedipus) have to mean damnation, if, the way one does it, is symbolically, by laying his ghost to rest in one’s heart and mind (hello upcoming SPN 300 14x13 Lebanon).

Freud believed the resolution of the Oedipus complex (for boys) was identification with the father (and no, we don’t have to concur with Dr. Freud). Dean has actually been on an oppositve journey, to get out from under his father’s shadow.

The Jungian solution, which the S14 narrative is offering to the metaphorical Riddle of the Sphinx, is, to turn around and embrace the Shadow-self (the parts of oneself one has repressed) and in so doing, to evolve - to become more fully human.

So, a final salute to Jerry Wanek and team, and the ever wonderful SPN set dressing narrative, for The Sphinx Machine shop!

NB:

You can read my Jungian Meta series here, if you’re interested:

http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/180906003584/the-shadow-14x08

http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/181122764984/14x09-the-spear-jungian-decoder-ring-edition

http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/182299438269/jung-and-deans-journey-towards-self-integration

And if, you want to read more of my SPN meta in general, go visit my blog and look under the “Meta” sidebar tag: http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/tagged/Meta

Plus, if you want to read lots of other people’s fabulous SPN meta, go check out the “SPN Meta” sidebar tag: http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/tagged/SPN%20Meta

Thanks for having me @metafest !

DrSphinx out.

#Supernatural #SPN meta #Metafest #14x12 #Prophet and Loss #Winchester Family Dynamics #Dean vs repression #Fate vs Free Will #Set dressing narrative #Jerry Wanek #SPN spoilers #Meta

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thecandywrites · 5 years

Text

Isthantari- Part 3

HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS!!!!!! I was NOT expecting this story to take off or be popular. (look anything over like 2-4 notes is a massive success to me, Im not popular, I’m barely a bump on the radar so this is wild crazy success to me which I am very grateful and appreciative for because only 24 hours after posting part 2- both parts got OVER A HUNDRED NOTES OMG and REBLOGS, if you look at your guys’ notes you’ll notice I HAVE TRIED to track all you who have reblogged or commented or are now following this blog or even my main blog @yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy and I’m trying to follow you guys back and I just want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! because it means so much to me, it really does, like I legit cried tears of happiness this morning when I woke up and checked my phone and went - OH MY GOD YOU GUYS LIKE IT, YOU REALLY LIKE IT!- Sally Fields moment (you like me! You really like me!)

Ok, so let me tag @catsithsitter and @royale-skeleton-key and if any of you ever want to get tagged if I continue this story passed this part three- let me know. Because you’ll notice I’ve left it open ended.

Part 3

On the fifth day, a Jika rescue team found you and Jaxon had panicked and picked you up to fly you away but you were captured nonetheless as you stared in surprise at him that he could fly and wondered how long had he been able to do that for before you were offered an apology by the Jika who found you. There had been a mix up and misunderstanding, because Jaxon’s mental message was to save his queen, they had thought that you had been the queen, thus why they shot you down at the same time they murdered the real queen. Jaxon’s brother Jye, Dr. Emily Kimble’s Jika, had thankfully explained his own relationship with Emily because he mentally had to fight not to mentally message that to the hive as well because he had wanted to react the same way but once the new queen took over and realized that you and Emily posed no threat to herself as queen because you were humans just doing your jobs, she let them live and ordered for your rescue. And since you were wearing Jika cum as sunscreen- that had actually helped a great deal, the nature of it giving off a bright signal in both the visible and ultraviolet spectrum. You were brought back on board and you gladly welcomed a long hot shower, Jaxon, never leaving your side as he scrubbed your skin clean of his cum with extreme care and finesse as you finally got to really wash and condition your hair and put on deodorant and perfume again and shave and felt more like yourself. But you did get to keep Jaxon’s cocoon and water catcher because they held significant sentimental value to you as you sent them off to be washed before they were returned clean and even combed silky smooth as Jaxon moved into your room with you and used the water catcher to make you a hammock large enough for a whole family and used the cocoon to make your bed absolutely epic and ridiculously comfortable and more than big enough for you both.

Then you were summoned by the new queen and you anxiously wore your best outfit and makeup and loads of deodorant, body spray and perfume, not wanting her to think of you as a threat by your smell otherwise. When you arrived, yourself and all the other human doctors and the surviving members of the royal brothers were gathered there.

“Hello Sable.” Queen Kat greeted you. She was obviously a very young queen and unusually small and lean and even smaller than you, barely five feet tall and if you had to guess only about a hundred pounds or so but her attennae were like horned spikes and she reminded you of maleficent because of how angular she was but had dozens of consorts attending her none the less and you recognized the look about them, like ants that had those parasites and they were completely under her control and you noticed the air around her smelled like the worst B.O. you had ever smelled in your life, it made you want to gag it was so nasty and gross but you couldn’t risk offending her.

“Your scent is unusually strong your highness.” You tried complimenting her as your eyes watered as she came up to you and looked you over, but she looked unusually fierce and it scared you but Jaxon was right behind you, your back right up against his front, using your close proximaty to try and resist her allure and control over him as Jye was doing the same to Emily.

“Thank you!” She beamed happily. “I just wanted to see the reason why I’m now the most powerful Jika queen in this quadrant now.” She grinned smugly at you.

“Excuse me?” You frowned in confusion.

“Well it was Jaxon who contacted me to come and overthrow Queen Ki, because she was so weak she couldn’t control the hive from swarming a lowly human who smelled better than she did, a very great disgrace among Jika you see. For a Queen to have a scent weaker than a lesser species such as a human is a sign of great weakness and taking over was extremely easy and I apologize if you were caught in the crossfire, I understand since Jaxon is weak too for thinking you, of all specimens in the universe- is his queen.” She giggled menacingly. “Jika culture dictates I should kill him for inferiority. But it’s him that has handed this over to me so I will show lenience and let him live. But beware, if you ever attract any others,you and they will be put to death. Having more than one queen will spell chaos and I refuse to put up with it in my own realm.” She warned and you had never felt so gutted in your life.

“So...I’m the reason his family is dead?” You asked as tears blurred your vision and your whole body wanted to tremble and shake.

“Yes, but again, she was incredibly weak, I’m sure any other human woman brought on board would have had the same affect and the same outcome so don’t take it personally. Jaxon should be commended for remaining loyal to the species and doing what’s best for the hive. Now I understand you are working to improve Jika foods and making them more palatable to humans as well as to the other species and I wanted to tell you I fully support your work and you will have whatever funds you need to realize that goal. So many earth foods are positively delightful and perfect and we owe earth and it’s inhabitants a debt of gratitude and if food is how we can do that and protecting you from other species who mean you harm so you can keep producing those foods, then that’s exactly what we’ll do.” She reassured you and you just got the sense she was just a bratty, presumptuous tween but she held the power over millions of Jika. This was the mother ship for all the Jika in your quadrant.

“Which I have a thought about that your Majesty.” Dr. Helga Wads piped up.

“Oh?” Queen Kat asked as she turned and strutted up to Dr. Wads.

“I have noticed that ruling families in the Jika are made up of a single family line but that the offspring of an outside queen with native males could be more robust and I think there is something that can be said for biological diversity, if you were to mate with males from other families, it could be promising for the future generation.” Dr. Wads explained as you and Emily both stared daggers at her, neither of you wanting to give up your mates for that endeavor but at the same time, you knew that your own personal relationship could be brought into question or exposed and much ridicule from the human side and Jika could come your way. Inter-species relationships were still seen as taboo. Even though they had been going on for the last decade or so, since aliens came into contact with humanity.

“Really? I’ve never noticed, we shall have to do “research” as you put it, and I’ll start with your Jika- Kin is it? You will isth with me- now.” She ordered as she came near him and you and Emily watched in horror, trying to conceal it from your faces as Kin became just like a drone and one of her many consorts before she mounted him in front of god and everyone and rode him a little before sucking on that gland but she buzzed angrily and within a split second had eaten his head before hopping off of him and kicking his twitching corpse aside, his cock and gonads popping off and remaining in her before she expelled them before they erupted all over the floor so that none of it actually got inside her before her own consorts gathered him up and consumed him too and you watched as they did, the spikes on their own armored exoskeleton grew in length and thickness as they ate him.

“Why did you kill him?” Dr. Wads demanded.

“His royal jelly was not to my liking and thus his seed was not worth preserving, your theory has clearly proven false, the next theory you have that proves false or that questions the supreme Jika ways, you will meet the same fate your Jika just met.” She threatened as Dr. Wads gulped and her own cheeks flushed as you and Emily each gave a worried and meaningful look to each other, both of you trying to think of a way to save Jaxon and Jye from that fate.

“If you will permit me a request Isthantari.” You blurted as Emily looked at you in heartbreak, knowing there was only one way you would know that phrase because you must have learned it the way she did and the Queen looked unbelievably pleased at you referring to her as such.

“Could Jye and Jaxon be withheld from this. Since they are from the same family and same generation, you may not find them to be your liking either and they are... valuable to us and can assist us and are...vital to our work and our well being.” You pleaded, trying to sound scientific and official in your request.

“Very well, I suppose you may also use the others as well since I don’t think they will fare much better. I suppose I should have considered that if such a queen were weak, her batch would be too.” She spat in disgust as you felt everyone else in the room collectively exhale in relief before you were all dismissed.

Once in your room you went to your bathroom and furiously scrubbed the streaking makeup off your face. You were fuming, you were heartbroken, you were shocked and horrified all at once. Maybe things would have been better if you never came. A whole royal family may still be alive.

“Sable?” Jaxon called out worriedly from the other side of the bathroom door and suddenly your rage sparked and ignited in your chest.

“I don’t want to talk to traitors right now.” You snarled at the door.

“What?” Jaxon asked as he finally opened the door and you took the washrag in your hand and threw it as hard as you could and hit him in they eye with it as he recoiled from that and made a pained sound which only hurt your heart worse but you were still furious.

“You traitor!” You accused as you pointed at him as your own face twisted into an angry snarl as Jaxon bowed his head guiltily. “Just because I stink worse than your sister, you went and called another queen to execute your own fucking sister?! Do you Jika have no familial bonds at all or is it just the hive and nothing but the hive to you?!” You demanded as you shocked yourself at how speciesist you sounded.

“What are you gonna do when I get old and my stink changes huh?! Are you gonna find another younger, stinkier Isthantari and have her kill me off?! And since when could you have flown?! When were you gonna tell me you were healed?! We could have rescued ourselves instead of being captured!” You sobbed angrily.

“Look, can we, please talk. Please? Just hear me out. Queen Kat is still my sister, she’s just a younger generation, the last generation of my family. When a queen retires, she’s not completely done giving birth, she’ll usually have one queen left, a last batch of eggs, these eggs are incubated within the queen herself and she gives live birth to them and that last queen becomes a super queen, because the first few years of their lives, they get to have the queen’s undivided attention and eat the queen’s own royal jelly and the queen passes down all of her wisdom she had acquired as her consorts instruct the super queen’s super consorts, who I don’t know if you noticed have shit I wish I had, did you see their spikes on their skeleton? Anyway, very rarely will a super queen get overthrown. There’s a lot of stability and prosperity that comes with having a super queen for the hive. If Emily had let my brother contact her when they first met and he went through what I’m going through now, she would have been here then. It’s part of Jika makeup, find the best queen and serve her.” Jaxon tried to explain.

“Then what am I?” You asked.

“You are still my Isthantari, nothing will ever change that. And when you get gloriously older, you will still be my Isthantari, the human equivalent to that is marriage, till death do us part, literally. I just...I wanted and needed to protect you. A strong queen will tolerate rivals who she knows are not strong enough to pose a threat to her personally but who serve a purpose to the hive, she probably could have let Ki live to keep birthing offspring until she’s large enough and mature enough to do so on her own, a weak queen can not take the risk to differentiate that. The message I got from the hive mind, that the drones and anyone and everyone who was around you and realized you were stronger than her- that got reported to the hive mind and it was a matter of time before she dispatched her consorts to kill you and I couldn’t let that happen so I beat her to it. Humans have a saying for this, ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’. That’s who Queen Kat is. She is our friend. I know she may not look it or you may not feel she is, but you smelled her yourself, to yourself- you stink, but not nearly as bad as her right? And even to me she smells awful because I’m smart enough to know the difference between strong and good, because while she’s stronger- you’re still better. You still smell glorious and amazing and you always will and even if you didn’t, I’m still in love with your mind and personality, heart and soul so don’t worry about me or my loyalty to you ever coming into doubt or question. And she’s still so small, it will take her a very long time, like another year or two, maybe even three- to grow big enough to start producing eggs which means all of Ki’s children are safe and nothing bad will happen to them because Kat knows she can’t do anything detrimental to them or else she herself will personally suffer and the hive will suffer from a loss of drones and Kat is very smart. She didn’t kill Kin because she thought he was distasteful, she did it to make a point to Dr. Wads to never challenge or question Jika ways.” Jaxon explained calmly which made your own anger abate as he slowly and carefully came closer before wrapping you up in his embrace.

“So when did your wing heal?” You asked as you reached around him and flicked it with your finger.

“Hours after eating the first coconut crab, but I wanted to spend more time with you alone, away from all of this. You saw how the Kat’s consort’s spikes and exoskeleton grew when they ate Kin? Well that’s why I ate so many crabs, my wings are the strongest they’ve ever been and my exoskeleton is now stronger than anyone else’s, even Kat’s consorts, if she had tried to force me to isth with her, she would not have been able to eat me or bite my head off, I’m tougher than her mandibles ever will be.” Jaxon insisted.

“So you need to eat more crabs?” You realized.

“I don’t need to but they are delicious. I know Kat and her consorts won’t eat them out of prejudice.” Jaxon shrugged as you took a minute to think all of that over and realized he had very valid points.

“Then I have an idea on how to save your brothers at least.” You offered mischievously before you called Emily to your room to discuss your idea with her, as she herself was so excited and relieved to hear it before you both mounted an expedition to the tropics and paid locals to capture coconut crabs to buy them as you and all of Jaxon’s royal brothers helped you to go to every coastal island in the tropics to look for sizable coconut crabs before you had a private feast just for you, Jaxon, Emily, Jye and the other remaining royal brothers- you and Emily eating another huge red snapper as you watched Jye, Jaxon and the remaining royal brothers eat hundreds of crabs, their own abdomen’s swelling as you watched their own exoskeletons grow thicker and tougher and even spikes formed. You knew if the Jika as a whole were to discover crabs that they would probably wipe out the earth’s population of them, but for right now, this was a way to protect Jye and Jaxon and the rest of their siblings and would have to remain your little secret as Jye and Jaxon talked in the Jika language between each other, their clicks and buzzes of delight music to your ears.

“So, if you are comfortable talking about it, I’d love to get any and all information you could give me about your relationship with Jaxon.” Emily instigated as you two sat side by side on the beach.

“He fell in love with my stink.” You snorted a laugh.

“Well yeah, but did he try courting you?” Emily asked.

“Uh, well he flirted a lot and he gave me a perfume made from Jika flora.” You noted.

“So he did. The males from the royal batch, will make gifts for the queen so that she chooses them, the bigger and better the gift, the more she’ll favor them and mate with them for life. They will usually spend the first year of her life observing her and getting to know her to make her the perfect gift. Most queens have multiple vaginas- depending on the size of the batch- the more she’ll have, it wouldn’t surprise me if Kat has dozens of them since she’s a super queen and so if ever a male irritates her or disappoints her or isn’t living up to her expectations but she still wants them to father offspring because they’re genetically viable, she can yank their privates off and keep them in a dedicated vagina inside her abdomen and the two will fuse so that she can draw all the sperm she wants from them without having the hassle of dealing with the male and feeding him and taking care of him. Some queens have dozens of vaginas just for that and they already knew about males from other families thing, she’ll often send her own drones and consorts out to “kidnap” other males just in case their version of ‘inbreeding’ happens, which I haven’t quite figured out how many generations of the same family line have to propegate for that to happen yet.” Emily explained.

“Really?” You asked in astonishment.

“The ones she actually likes, she keeps them alive to ‘service’ her whenever she wants though.” Emily added.

“Which actually I need to ask you about that. What will happen when I reach menopause and I’m not “viable” from a biological perspective? Will Jaxon loose interest? Will he try to find another Isthantari?” You asked her.

“No.” Emily firmly shook her head no.

“When the Jika first came, I was near the end of my own cycle when Jye first met me and he thought I was God’s gift to him. And I worried about the same thing, but he stayed right with me just as I entered menopause and I’m still going through it and he’s still just as madly in love with me as ever, if anything he’s grown with me and when we go to the surface to do our grocery shopping together, he’s around everyone and he notices that some women still smell good to him but he still prefers me over them. And I ask, every single time and his answer is always the same and completely sincere. Now he does worry that I will find another Jika that I like more than him even though part of him thinks I should have at least six other Jika to attend to me but I am happy and content with just him and I’m personally not really into polyamory, not to knock it, it’s just not for me. But anyway, considering it’s only the specialists and up that have penises to begin with, because the normal green drones, don’t have penises because they are not incubated long enough to develop them, if the drones are the standard for incubating then they get to be incubated for X amount of time, while blues get one and one third, military gets one and two thirds and purples get literally double the amount incubating time while the queens and princesses get triple, the longer they incubate for, the bigger and more advanced their brains are, they actually get personalities and obviously “equipment”. Now the specialists from the blues and reds up, they have penises but the blues, are literally a third of the size of the purples, and only have one testicle, the reds are two thirds the size of a purple and have two testicles and the purples, obviously are full size and have three because they’re meant to mate with the queen, the only reason the reds and blues have a penis and testicles at all are just in case the royal family gets infected with some kind of sickness and they all die off, the military and the specialists still contain a “back up”- if you will- of the genome the hive collectively had and they can inseminate another queen to keep the genome going so it’s not all completely lost. Now there was one instance where a hive was attacked and only a handful of greens survived and no one else and when they were rescued by another hive, they got re-incubated and came out as purples to save the genome and serve the new queen and during the re-incubation process they grew their brains and their sex organs but that was a very rare, extreme case, otherwise the greens are basically asexual and have no desire to mate, they just want to work to serve their queen and I hate to paint them so flatly or so one dimensional but that’s the way it is.” Emily explained as you listened with rapt attention.

“Now what about his royal jelly?” You asked.

“Actually I wanted to ask you about that, what does it taste like to you? Because it really does change from individual to individual.” Emily returned.

“It tastes like a...you know at Red Lobster? That Bahama Mama? It tastes like that only...I guess creamier. Like mango, pineapple and banana milkshake with some peach, passion fruit and guava and actually this last time we had sex it had a heavier coconut note to it, but that’s because, obviously they love coconut crabs and besides the wild fruits, that’s all he ate.” You specified.

“Ooh, see Jye tastes more pina colada to me, heavy on the pineapple and heavy on the coconut but you’re right, heavy on the banana too but with mine I get hints of peach and apple though and when we’ve argued and we’re having makeup sex, it’ll have a margarita twist to it. Like tequila and lime notes.” Emily explained.

“Really? No way.” You marveled.

“Now there was one time, when he first discovered ripe passion fruit, his ‘nectar’ as I like to call it too, had some heavy passion fruit notes so maybe some of it has to do with his diet because he eats pineapple and coconut every single day. I can’t imagine how awesome it would be to be stranded on an island for almost a week, did you guys get to fuck like rabbits?” Emily giggled.

“The last four days we did, once we started, yeah, we..can not help ourselves to stop. It’s the best sex of my life.” You confessed as your cheeks burned.

“Yeah, that knot is something else huh?” Emily snickered as her own cheeks burned bright red too.

“Oh my god!! Yes! Like now I love some werewolf smut like any other girl but the real thing? Lord have mercy! Oh and does Jye ‘buzz’ when he’s in you? Because that is epic, it’s like a living vibrator.” You giggled.

“Oh Honey, there’s been a few times when I can attach a tube to his nectar duct and have him take me from behind, like bend me over a counter top or a desk or something and fuck me into oblivion or even up against the window, that’s great too so I can still suck it down and not make a huge mess everywhere because that stuff is outstanding and I swear I can get tipsy drunk off of it too. And when he grabs my hips with his lower hands while his upper hands can grab me by the hair or the shoulder or even my breasts? Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm- DAMN. That’s some good shit. Like god tier epic good shit, like I want to take him behind that tree and have him fuck me over there right now.” Emily cackled as you laughed so hard you were crying.

“That’s amazing, I’ll have to try that.” You snorted as you wiped your tears away. “I was just blown away by their cum! I have makeup that I paid an arm and a leg for that doesn’t glitter and glow nearly as much as that does. And it saved me from my sunburn! Because I put it on and it has this cooling affect to my skin and like a mineral ice-ish affect. And it’s even moisturizing, like my skin felt like I put body butter on when I took it off. And it didn’t itch or anything like normal glitter can sometimes. Like part of me wants to collect it and bottle it and sell it as makeup. Granted it’s precious stuff to me and I am very possessive about it because part of me is like ‘no! that’s all mine!’.” You explained.

“Really? See I think there would be so much potential there then because that never occurred to me to use it for anything I mean you can’t really “use” human semen for anything other than it’s intended purpose. Now I want to investigate it, I really do, but I don’t know, depending on the outcomes and results- if I do and I publish my results, every blue, red and especially purple Jika would never be safe if their sperm is good for something other than inseminating a queen, now if you do get pregnant, which I really don’t think you will but just in case, you probably would have to stay to be studied, just a heads up.” Emily warned and you nodded in understanding.

“Hey Em?” Jye suddenly asked.

“Yeah Hun?” Emily returned.

“My brothers would like to find Isthantaris besides Queen Kat, could we help?” He asked as Emily grimaced and sucked in a breath through her teeth.

“Babe, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I don’t think it’ll be tolerated. I think the only reason we’re tolerated is because we serve the hive too.” Emily tried to gently break it to him as she gestured between herself and you but perhaps you were rebellious but you were already thinking of a way that could happen, knock that bratty queen down a peg. Granted you would have to be careful because you didn’t want to start a war or anything.

“Is there any way we can get them to live off the mother ship? Put them on one of the other ships to keep them away from her watchful eye? Or even get them to live on the surface, get jobs on earth as...I don’t know correspondents or something? Or better yet, is there a way to close them off from the hive mind so that that thought won’t get reported and we won’t get murdered for thinking that once we’re back on board?” You questioned as Emily looked at you in alarm while Jaxon and his brothers looked at you excitedly.

“Yes! Our entire conversation has been outside of the hive mind.” Jaxon informed you proudly.

“Good, because while I don’t want to overthrow another Queen, I think you guys should be entitled to have a life and love outside of the hive, she’s already demonstrated how she doesn’t care for you by killing your brother Kin and didn’t even save his seed for future use, she doesn’t need anything you could ever offer her. So why not? What she don’t know won’t hurt her right?” You shrugged as you grinned mischievously.

“So you’ll help us Sable?” Jye asked excitedly.

“Yeah, I know there’s a lowkey monster dating app, get cell phones and get on it and Emily and I can screen the candidates to make sure you guys don’t get taken advantage of.” You offered sweetly as Emily narrowed her eyes at you.

“You are playing with fire, but you’re right.” Emily sighed in resignation.

Now to find others who would like to date a Jika too…

#exophilia #alien boyfriend #monster boyfriend #Isthantari part 3 #alien #wasp alien #hopefully you'll like this too #tada!#Thank you for reading

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