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Crusader of Life 3: Chapter 4

“Ah, you’re back!” Nadia chimed as Lucio and Emily opened the door. The girl looked down at the floor with a grim expression on her face.

“We are, and all in one piece,” Lucio chuckled. “Plus, we have some info about the death of Mista.”

“Really?” Nadia raised an eyebrow. “Well…?”

“I should… probably let Emily tell you,” Lucio’s grin immediately faded. “She’s the one who got the information in the first place.”

Oh, gee, thanks, Emily thought to herself. She picked her head up, and took a deep breath. “There was a letter in the bushes,” she answered. “I forgot who was put down as the recipient, but I remember one line of it.”

“Where’s the letter?” Nadia asked. “And what did that line say?”

“It’s not with us,” Emily sighed. “I’ll tell you more about that later. But I do know that the letter said that whoever killed Mista was on a mission to take Gionna’s life, and was instructed to kill anyone else in their way.”

The room suddenly became very still. Everyone turned their attention to Gionna, who was sitting at a table by herself. The girl was halfway through clipping a nail, but she was completely frozen at the moment.

“Why is everyone looking at me like that?” Gionna asked as she continued her nail clipping. Her voice was wavering the slightest bit. “I’m fine. I’ve dealt with this before. Nothing new.” Once she finished the nail, she got up and started walking down the hallway.

“Really?” Lucio asked. “You’re shaking pretty bad.”

Gionna stopped and looked down at her arm. Sure enough, it was trembling violently. She looked back up at Lucio with a glare. “I thought you were a bodyguard, not a therapist,” she snapped. “Mind your own business and go flirt with some girls, or something.”

As she stormed to her room and slammed her door, Lucio shouted back, “I flirt with boys, too, you know!” He looked over to Nadia and Marco, both of which were giving him looks of disapproval. “Can you believe that girl?” he continued. “Being Don Giovanna’s daughter really gets to her head.”

“I know she’s not a perfect little child, but everyone’s a little… bratty at her age,” Nadia replied. “And you really should apologize, since you did hurt her feelings.”

“I’m not apologizing,” Lucio huffed. “I said what I said and I don’t feel bad about it.”

“Then I’ll go apologize for you,” Nadia said, and left for Gionna’s room. “It’s not wise to make an enemy out of the boss’s daughter.”

“I’ll come to apologize, too,” Emily said. “This is kind of all my fault.”

“See, Lucio? This is what you should do,” Nadia called back. Once they reached Gionna’s door, they lightly knocked on it. “Gionna? Can we come in?”

No answer.

“If you don’t answer, I’ll have to assume you might have been taken away, and I’ll have to come in to make sure you’re safe.”

Still no answer.

Nadia sighed, and slowly opened the door while Emily peered in from the side. The room was very dark, and the only sound was short, staggered sobs coming from a lump underneath the covers in the bed.

“Oh, poor girl,” Nadia said. They sat down at the foot of the bed, while Emily stood right beside the door. “I’m sorry about Lucio. He doesn’t mean any harm, he just doesn’t think before he speaks.”

“I’m sorry, too,” Emily added. “I didn’t think about you when I announced that. I’ll be more mindful next time.”

“Go away,” Gionna mumbled.

“This situation must be scary, I’m sure,” Nadia replied. “But at the very least, I can promise that no assassin will come anywhere near you. You were put in with a group that Don Giovanna was sure could protect you, and I know each one of us would give our lives to do so.”

“I said go away.”

“Okay, okay,” Nadia chuckled. They nodded at Emily, who nodded back and left the room. “You know where to find us if you need anything.”

As Nadia closed the door, they returned to the kitchen, where everyone else was waiting.

“So, Lucio told Marco the rest of what happened while we were away,” Emily told Nadia. “The basic summary is that my dad found us and tried to bring me back home, but Lucio bargained with him and we agreed to fight in order to get the letter back from him.”

“That means we need a Stand best suited for taking down Emily’s dad’s,” Lucio continued. “What are his abilities?”

“Well, for starters, Hierophant Green is a long-range Stand,” Emily started. “It can possess people if it enters their body, and can also produce emeralds to shoot with. It can unravel into strings, which it can use to attack, as well. Those strings can also act as a tripwire to activate its emerald attack or to simply shoot them from all around the enemy.”

“It sounds like your father can attack from any angle,” Marco spoke up. “If so, then my Stand is the best fit for the job.”

Emily looked around the room, and both Nadia and Lucio were nodding their heads.

“I was just about to say that Marco should go,” Nadia said.

“Yeah, I wasn’t really worried about who was going to fight him,” Lucio replied. “What I’m most worried about is the part of the letter that Emily read. I mean, we’ve had to save Gionna from kidnappings before, but I’ve never heard about anyone trying to kill her.”

“You haven’t?” Emily asked. “I thought that since she was a mafia boss’s child, she-”

“Would be a target for obtaining money from that boss, yes,” Nadia said. “You can’t really threaten a parent with a dead child. You can threaten them with a missing child. Lucio is right, this letter is different.”

“This person is either really stupid, or they’re trying to obtain something other than money,” Lucio added. “My guess is that they want to break Don Giovanna. They want to break his spirits, then take his position from him while he’s down.”

“I think whoever it is is just stupid,” Nadia chuckled. “They probably just want the money, but forgot that ransoms only work if you can actually return the kidnappee.”

“Then why did they send an assassin for her?” Lucio asked. “And you of all people should know not to underestimate our enemies. We should always assume the worst when it comes to this.”

Nadia sighed. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t sweat it,” Lucio smiled. “It’s not like we can do anything about it until tomorrow, anyway. In the meantime, I think I should give Emily a little tour around this place.”

As Emily rolled her eyes, she felt Nadia place a grip on her shoulder. “I think she needs to hang out with more teammates than just you,” they laughed. “I’ll show her around. You just get back to what you need to do.”

“Thanks,” Emily whispered.

“Don’t mention it,” Nadia whispered back. “All you really need to see is where to bathe yourself and do your laundry, unless you’d like to room with someone other than Gionna.”

“My bed is in Gionna’s room?”

“She had her objections,” Nadia laughed, “but we decided that if you couldn’t choose between anyone, it would be best to put you in there. She’s getting to that age where she sneaks out at night, and an extra set of eyes would keep her out of trouble.”

“Then I guess I’ll stay in there,” Emily shrugged. “I do have a question, though. What exactly does this group do? Besides protecting Gionna and finding a murderer.”

“Well, our group is some of the elite, chosen specifically by Giovanna to deal with his… personal business, for lack of a better term. Usually, that’s just boiled down to being Gionna’s bodyguards, but sometimes something happens, like a close friend being killed, and we’re left to deal with it so Giovanna can still be fully present with Passione’s problems.”

“So… why am I here? I’m brand-new, so why am I in an ‘elite’ group?”

“I’m not exactly sure, but my guess is that he has something very important to you that’s scaring you into loyalty,” Nadia replied. “Something that he holds over your head. That’s why he can trust you with his personal business, because if you give away any secrets, he’ll do something terrible to whatever it is that you care so much about.”

Emily gulped and looked down. Images of her father and her brother flashed in her head.

“Of course, you don’t need to worry about anything if you aren’t planning on betraying him,” Nadia said with a pat on the back. “Anyway, if you want to get comfy in your new room now, you can. I was just trying to get you away from Lucio.”

Emily nodded her head, and the two parted ways. The girl opened up Gionna’s door again, and the lights were still off. She snuck into the room, and shut the door as quietly as she could.

“Why are you in here?”

Emily quickly turned to the voice, and saw a pouting Gionna staring at her.

“This is my room. Why are you in my room?”

“Well, unfortunately for you, this is my room now, too,” Emily replied as calmly as she could. “If you need some more alone time, I’ll be out soon.”

“You’ll be out now.”

“You don’t get to boss me around just because you’re Giorno’s daughter. Now I’m going to stay in here longer because you were rude to me.”

“What? No! You can’t do that!”

“Even longer.”

Gionna made a loud and exasperated grunt, then laid back in bed and turned away from Emily dramatically. Emily chuckled a little, then sat down on her own bed. She really didn’t want to stay that long, but she also didn’t want to be bossed around by a child, so she decided to stay for a minute or two. Just as she was about to leave, she heard Gionna murmur once again.

“I don’t want to die.”

Emily paused, then sat back down. “Want to talk about it?”

“What am I supposed to talk about?” Gionna asked. “You told me that people want to kill me, and I’m scared. That’s it.”

Emily patted the girl on the head as she headed out. “Well, just know that I’ll give my all to protect you.” She left the room, then went back to the kitchen. After she found a chair, she slumped down on it and groaned. “These people are the worst.”

***

It was the middle of the night. A near-full moon shone down on the ground, but it was impossible to tell in the room that the figure walked in. On the other side of the room was a woman who looked to be no more than 30, leaning on the walls.

“Well?” she asked.

“They took the bait,” the figure replied. “However, there have been some issues. The letter doesn’t need to be deciphered anymore. There’s a new member of the group, Emily, who can read Japanese. But they do have to fight her father for possession of that letter.”

“Do you think he’ll read it?”

“Even if he does, he would likely just report it to the police. They’ll most likely report it to Giorno, and that’s all we need to distract him. His daughter’s life will mean more to him than what we’re doing. Even so, I suppose you’ll send a few Stand users after Gionna, as well, just to solidify your claims?”

“Of course,” the woman let out a low laugh. “I mean, if one really does kill her, that would be a plus, right?”

As the figure left the building, the woman spoke once more. “Remember: your job is not to kill Gionna, your job is to spy. Keep an eye on the girl, but don’t harm her.”

The figure chuckled a bit. “Of course, Don Una.”

***

“Emily.”

“Emily, wake up.”

“If you’re late, then we can’t get back that letter, you know.”

Emily groaned as she stretched in her bed. Her eyes opened to Nadia standing right beside her, nudging her awake.

“Usually, I’d let you sleep in, but it is 11:00,” they continued. “Rough night last night?”

“Yeah, it’s hard for me to get comfortable in a new bed, and I’m prone to waking up at the slightest noise,” Emily groggily replied. She peeled off the warm layer of blankets and hesitantly touched her feet to the cold floor. “It definitely didn’t help that Gionna tried sneaking out a couple of times. That window is loud.”

“That girl,” Nadia murmured underneath their breath, then added in a normal volume, “I’ll take care of that. You just worry about getting ready.”

Emily nodded, and Nadia exited the room, closing the door behind them. As Nadia reentered the main room, Gionna’s face suddenly changed. She looked to the floor, avoiding Nadia’s gaze. She must have known Nadia had been updated on her escape attempts.

“Gionna,” Nadia sighed, “you know it’s dangerous for someone your age to be wandering alone at night, especially with who your father is.”

“Well, maybe if I wasn’t babied here, I wouldn’t want to leave,” Gionna retorted.

“We don’t baby you,” Marco said. “We protect you from enemies.”

“Yeah, we let you go wherever you want, so long as one of us is there to keep you safe,” Lucio added.

“I don’t want one of you there!” Gionna whined. She slammed her hands down on the table, then recoiled from the pain. “I want to be alone, for once in my life, and you made it harder with that new girl in my room!”

“Maybe if you hadn’t put yourself in danger before she got here, you could have a room to yourself,” Lucio shrugged.

Gionna opened her mouth to respond, but instead just let out a scream. “I hate all of you!” she yelled, and stomped down the hallway back to her room. On the way, she passed by Emily, who watched as Gionna slammed the door shut before turning back to everyone else.

“What’s with her?” she asked.

“She didn’t like being told she couldn’t sneak out at night,” Lucio said with a little chuckle. “She is seriously the worst sometimes.”

“I’ll go check to make sure she’s not trying to escape as we speak,” Nadia said. “Lucio, please try to leave Emily alone. She just woke up.”

“Fine, fine,” Lucio grinned. “So, what do you want for brunch? We have cereal, pancake mix, granola bars, and whatever else you want.”

“I’ll just have a breakfast bar,” Emily said. She grabbed one with Sunshine as she opened her phone for the first time that morning. Two new messages showed up in her notifications, both from Daichi. Dad told me about everything this morning, one of the messages wrote. Be extra careful, okay? I want to be able to go home with you.

Emily smiled, then sent another text back. Don’t worry. I’ll stay alive for you ^_^

After that text was sent, a knock was heard from the other side of the front door. Everyone went dead silent. Marco hesitantly approached the window right beside it, sneaking in a way to reduce his sound. He leaned on the blinds, lifting up one by his eyes, then sighed. “It’s just Giovanna’s bodyguards.”

Everyone seemingly melted as they finally allowed themselves to breathe. Marco opened the door, and a man with a black suit bowed. “I’ve come to pick up Gionna.”

“I’ll get her,” Lucio said. “You two go ahead and get to the meetup spot.”

Marco nodded. “Come on, Emily,” he said. The girl walked out with him.

“Good luck!” Lucio called out.

As Marco and Emily walked past the guard, Emily asked, “What are those guys here for?”

“Every week, on an unspecified day, Don Giovanna spends the day with Gionna,” Marco answered. “It’s his way of keeping in touch with his daughter.”

“That makes sense,” Emily replied.

“Oh, and Emily, I have to get you to promise me something.”

“What is it?”

“Promise that you won’t interfere with the fight. If either me or your father is in mortal danger, don’t start fighting either side. I only say this because… I’m not fully intending to spare your father’s life. My goal is to win back that letter, not to keep him alive.”

Emily gulped. “I don’t know if I can promise that, but I’ll do my best, so long as you promise to do everything you can to keep him alive.”

“I will,” Marco replied. “I made these white flags yesterday that means the other side admits defeat. I don’t know if your dad will actually use it, though.”

“Wait, you made those?” Emily asked. “That’s… actually pretty cool.”

Marco instinctively looked down. “It’s not that cool,” he mumbled. “I didn’t even dye them.”

“You can dye them, too?” Emily exclaimed.

“It’s just a pastime,” Marco continued. “I like dying fabrics, that’s all.”

“Don’t sell yourself short,” Emily chuckled. “That’s a really useful talent you have there.”

Marco didn’t say anything else, but he turned away from his teammate to smile.

After the two walked for a little longer, they stopped at the park where they were supposed to meet Kakyoin.

“Do you have the time?” Marco asked Emily. “I didn’t bring my phone because I didn’t want it to be crushed.”

“It’s about 11:40,” Emily replied. “Dad should be here soon.”

Marco nodded, and looked out to the horizon. “Speaking of, I think he arrived early like we did.”

Emily looked, and sure enough, her father’s familiar silhouette was approaching. She could suddenly feel her heart beating harder as his figure started becoming more recognizable.

“You’re here awfully early,” Marco shouted.

“I could say the same to you,” Kakyoin shouted back. “Since we’re both here, I suppose we should start the fight.”

“You’re forgetting something.”

Kakyoin furrowed his brow, then made an ah! noise. He summoned Hierophant, then brought the letter over to Emily, standing to the side. Immediately, she started to read the rest of it.

“There’s one other thing,” Marco said. He tossed a white flag over to Kakyoin. “If you need to surrender before you die, toss this flag. I’d rather not kill you, and I assume you’d rather not kill me.”

Kakyoin nodded as he examined the piece of cloth and put it in his pocket. “So, are we ready now?”

“I suppose so,” Marco nodded. “But I can guarantee you won’t hit me.”

“We’ll see.” Kakyoin narrowed his eyes. “Hierophant Green!” he called out, and the Stand sent a barrage of emeralds towards the boy before him. Marco stood where he was, not even flinching as the gems flew like gunshots to him.

Suddenly, the emeralds bounced off of a seemingly invisible force before they could hit Marco.

Kakyoin made a small gasp as he quickly had Hierophant get in front of him with its arms covering its chest, while discreetly shooting strings around the area.

“That position won’t help you,” Marco said. “Invisible Touch may seem purely defensive at first, but it has potential for offense, too.” As he talked, it looked like a light pink filter was taken off of a picture around the boy.

This is my chance! Kakyoin thought to himself. In an instant, he had the strings placed around shoot more emeralds, all centering in on his enemy. Marco’s eyes widened, and he quickly brought up the filter again, holding his hands out. This time, Kakyoin saw the emeralds hit around the pink-tainted area, forming small cracks in the surface.

“So, your Stand is a shield?” Kakyoin asked. He brought his strings back, but kept Hierophant close.

“I’ll let you believe what you want,” Marco replied. He looked up at Kakyoin with a dangerous smile on his face. His shield went down again, and he jumped into the air. Before he landed on the ground, however, his shield appeared beneath his feet. He leaped off of the platform, and it disappeared before a new one manifested where he was. He repeated this, going higher and higher, until he was directly above Kakyoin. Once he was there, he expanded the platform just enough so he wasn’t precariously balancing on it.

So it seems like he can only make one shield at a time, Kakyoin thought to himself. Unfortunately for you, a high altitude won’t help. He shot Hierophant straight up to the boy above him, but Marco still stood, unwavering. As the Stand curled around the platform and was almost just above it, Marco flicked his finger up, and an extension of the platform suddenly blocked Hierophant’s way. It was too late for it to move, so it collided with the new wall, leaving a crack where it was.

Down on the ground, Kakyoin suddenly found himself in a daze, teetering back and forth. Marco saw the man struggling to stand, and decided to make his move. He lowered the wall and jumped off the platform, extending his foot for a kick. Once his footing was completely off of the platform, he made it vanish and become a floor of spikes directly where Kakyoin would fall. However, as he was shooting downwards, Kakyoin turned to look at the boy with blood dripping down his forehead and a determined fire in his eyes. Hierophant wrapped around its user before firing emeralds straight at the boy. Before Marco could react, he was barraged with gems and fell to the floor.

“The strength of your shield depends on how fast you can visualize it, isn’t it?” Kakyoin heaved.

Marco slowly stood up with a scowl on his face. “And what makes you think that?”

“The only time I’ve cracked it is when you’ve had to create it on the spot, save for when you were climbing up using the same shape.”

Marco let a small smile form. “You’re good. If Emily is anything like you, I see why Don Giovanna wanted her on our team.”

Speaking of Emily, the girl had just finished reading the letter, and she put it away, breathing heavily. So, now I know all of the information, she thought to herself. Now I just need to hope that Marco wins without killing Dad, and I can relay the entire message to the team.

***

Quiet. That’s what described the table best. Giorno and Gionna sat in silence while they ate their food.

“So, I heard you tried sneaking out again,” Giorno finally spoke up.

Gionna huffed. “So what?” she asked. “You’ll come save me if I get kidnapped.” Then, in a hushed tone, she added, “It’s all you ever do for me.”

“And what if some fools kidnap you, then kill you?” Giorno set his fork down and placed his hand beneath his chin. “You’ll be gone, and there will be nothing I can do to reverse it.”

“It’s better than being locked up in there!” Gionna threw her fork down and stood up. “Plus, there are already people coming to kill me, so what’s the difference?”

Giorno immediately tensed up as his daughter clasped her mouth shut.

“What do you mean by that?”

Gionna slowly let her hands come off of her face. “I… I didn’t really…”

“Tell me the full truth.”

Gionna sighed. There was instantly a change in her face. “When… when Emily and Lucio came back from their mission, they told the rest of the group that they found a letter.” As Gionna spoke, her father nodded his head to show he was listening. “The letter was taken up by Emily’s dad, but Emily read something that said to kill me.” Against her will, Gionna’s lip started to tremble, and her voice started wavering. “So, yeah. People want to kill me. So what difference does it make for me to wander around alone?”

Giorno forced his hands to stop shaking as he took a deep breath. “Gionna,” he said in the calmest voice he could, “if you go walking around by yourself, you’ll be easier to find and track down. If they find out where you’re living, then I’ll send you to a different squad so you’re safe again.”

Gionna looked down as her father walked up and bent down to her. “The most important thing to me is your safety,” he continued. “Do you understand why I can’t let you go out alone?” Gionna didn’t answer, and kept her gaze facing down. After a few more moments of silence, he sighed. “If you won’t listen to that, then do you at least know where Emily’s father is?”

“He’s fighting Marco for possession of Emily,” Gionna mumbled. “At the park, apparently.”

Giorno nodded as he rose to his feet, then looked over at his guards. “Keep Gionna safe,” he said. “Don’t let her leave while I’m away. I have some business to attend to.”

***

Both Kakyoin and Marco flew backwards into the bushes surrounding the pathways. As the two struggled to rise up, they were already on the attack. Kakyoin sent Hierophant’s strings towards Marco, while Marco blocked it with Invisible Touch. On the sidelines, Emily was using every ounce of force in her body to keep herself from running up and stopping the fight.

He’s hiding something, Kakyoin thought to himself. I have to constantly be on the attack, or he’ll use it against me.

Once again, Kakyoin shot a barrage of emeralds towards Marco, only for him to block it. Of course, this time, Kakyoin kept it at a steady flow, making sure that his opponent couldn’t let down his shield. While Marco’s vision was impaired, Kakyoin sent some of Hierophant’s strings into the ground. After a few moments, they popped back up near Marco and wrapped around his neck, squeezing tightly.

Kakyoin stopped the steady flow of emeralds, and stood up straight again. “You were a tough opponent, I’ll give you that,” he said. “Unfortunately, it seems my battle experience outlives yours. Of course, there is that handy flag you made, if you admit defeat.”

Marco let down his shield as he desperately tried to open up an airway for himself, but despite his strained expression, he still had a grin on his face. “You didn’t think I would be out of options already, did you?”

Suddenly, Kakyoin noticed the pink filter fill his vision again. This time, though, when he looked around, the filter was all around him. He ran up to Marco, but was stopped by a wall.

“When you asked if Invisible Touch is a shield and I said that I’ll let you believe what you want, this is what I meant,” Marco continued, his voice straining. “I think of my Stand as more of a barrier than a shield, one that I can move at will.”

Before Kakyoin could make another comment, the barrier he was stuck in almost slammed down on him, forcing him to lay on the ground. He could feel his organs being crushed.

“Now who’s the one needing to raise his flag?” Marco asked. His face was getting purple. “I can permit anything I want to enter and exist Invisible Touch, so I’ll allow your flag to leave if you need to surrender.”

“Believe me,” Kakyoin coughed, “you’ll be the one needing to raise your flag.”

Emily watched in horror as the two started to slowly die, each too stubborn to throw their flag. Her father started to spit blood out of his mouth, while her teammate’s head continued to turn blue. She almost wanted to look away, but instead she started running up to the battle scene. “Both of you, please stop!” she cried. But as soon as she summoned Sunshine, Marco threw his flag up in the air. Everyone called back their Stands, and the two fighting gasped for air.

“Well,” Marco heaved, crouching to the ground, “you win.”

“You put up a good fight.” Although Kakyoin had the same out-of-breath tone as Marco, he was slowly standing up. “But of course, I’ll be taking Emily now. I don’t really care about that letter, so you can have it.”

As Emily suddenly realized what her father said, she ran over to Marco, who was still trying to catch his breath. “Listen, Marco, I know you’re not in the best place to listen to someone, but you have to. I don’t have time. The people who killed Mista, they’re an assassin duo. I don’t know what their Stand abilities are, but there’s two of them!”

Once Kakyoin was able to walk again, he had Hierophant grab Emily and drag her away from Marco. “There’s two of them, Marco! Don’t forget that!”

“Oh, Don Giovanna is going to kill me,” Marco murmured.

“Not necessarily,” a voice said from behind. “You did your best fighting against him. I can’t get mad at you for that.”

Marco turned around, and Giorno was standing next to him. “However, I can’t let Emily be taken away,” he continued, louder so that Kakyoin could hear him. “If she’s dragged one more step away from me, I’ll consider it a betrayal on her part, and I’ll convince the police that you should not only be convicted for murder, but for something so vile you’ll never be allowed to see your children again.

Kakyoin stopped, turning around slowly. Emily was frozen where she was, taking short, shallow breaths.

“And why should I give up my daughter again?” Kakyoin asked. “I would rather be stuck in prison for the rest of my life than have her life taken by one of your enemies, which I’m sure you have plenty of.”

“Because I’ll let you see her every week, to make sure she’s safe,” Giorno said. “I have a daughter of my own, and I don’t get to see her very often. The only time I can see her is on a random day of the week, to keep her safe. If you’d like, you can join us. I know what it's like to be separated from your child, and although I intend for her to complete her duties, I want to relieve your worries as much as I can.”

Kakyoin paused, taking in the information. Although Emily was squirming a lot less, he held on to her, as if she would bolt away the minute he let her go. “I suppose I don’t have much of a choice, do I?” he chuckled. Finally, he released Hierophant’s hold on Emily, and she stayed where she was. “When are you going to meet with your daughter next?”

“Actually, I left our lunch to deal with this matter,” Giorno answered. “If you’d like, you can follow me back to where I live.”

Both Emily and Kakyoin sighed, one with relief, and one with disapproval.

“Okay,” Kakyoin said. “Let’s go.” As he and Emily were following Giorno, he thought to himself, Don’t worry, Emily. I’ll get you out of here soon. Just give me time.

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blondrichclosetwitch · 5 months

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Katie and Horse 1/19/17

(a hotel room in CT, woken early by “katie” with news from jakk)

He told you that he wanted….to have sex with me?

(a long pause)

Is he up right now?

(contemplates)

Is there any safe medium for us to speak?

What is it?

I keep seeing “instagram”

Instagram private message?

( she starts pressing buttons on her phone)

But if i send it right now, Blond will see it…

“So don’t send it now…..send it later.”

Does he know that i’m going crazy?

He knows.

“He knows that Blond is being very aggressive. “

(pause)

Has he just, has he started…has he started the divorce process.

Is Jakk yelling at Blond? About what’s she doing? Is he really upset?

Should i tell him…that we’re talking about moving me to Chicago to get me away from her?

But that i really don’t want to leave.

(A shift)

Hi horse.You might have noticed that i turned into a bit of a wreck.

Do you think i need to move to chicago?

You think i just have to work in stamford

Do you think i should extend my hyatt stay? Yes? Probably?

This place is gonna work out?

(looking out the window) it’s nice to be able to see trees, it’s perfect for me

It’s good for me. It’s the perfect corner. Hmmm. i could stay for…like a good week or so. Make some money. Get both rents paid, just get them out of the way.

Can you do something about Blond?

Is she still pregnant?

Is she gonna miscarry soon?(refers to the person texting her) Is this person from Blond?

Is this person *Blond*?

Should i write Jakk a letter while i’m here, and then bring it to Lafayette, and then tell him to burn it after he’s read it?

Does he have a letter for me at Lafayette?

Ok.

(convinced) he has a letter for me.

So next saturday, not this saturday, but next saturday ….i’m going with brenda.

You swear that blond’s been doing spells on me. And on jakk.

And she’s gonna miscarry soon.

Do her friends know how evil she is?

Why did my old therapist appear in my dream….as i was supposed to go see a psychiatrist…Was that about old karma? Was that about her soothing me? Saying, you’ve figured out the root (starts crying) even though you don’t understand what’s happening….you are figuring it out.

Slow and steady wins the race.is that what that was? (teary) i needed to be soothed.

And jakk loves me. Even if his wife has been psychologically poisoning me..for so long. And when i try to get to the truth….

Will you please talk to me. Please talk to me Jakk.

Is he trying to get out?

“Yes he’s trying to get out.”

Oh god…why did this happen now?

(laughs at transmission)

Brenda says to turn it off. Do you think so? Ok. so what do i do about making her not harm me. How do i psychically protect myself, how do i make it so..is it true that she’s sending me……all those phone calls…*all* those phone calls are coming from her.

(stressed) Fuck. (tries to breathe)

She thinks she has him trapped, but she doesn’t.

(to self) it’s 36 degrees.

The divorce started?

(amazed) i feel that in my body.

Yeah but we’ve been saying that for how long though.

That would be nice.

(End of tape)

GOD 1/19/17

(I remember in this second conversation that I was very upset because I was told katie was leaving me against her will)

(whispers) …explode (breathing slow, crying)

Please explain what’s happening

Am i connected to you? Yes

Am i connected to katie?

Has blond been sending people to call me, and email me, and try to…get me…busted.

Yeah

Fuck.

Was that charles derren guy….was that Blond.

Yes

Were the…did psalm 91 make her realize that you were on my side?

Yes

Can i trust katie to guide me?

Yes

Are you worried..that i will…are you worried that i’ll kill myself…to follow her (sharp breath)

(voice breaking) If i promise you that i will not…if i promise you that i can maintain my connection with her…while on earth….will you let us stay as we are?

I make you that promise. I need her. I need her with me. I can’t be here without her.

(crying) ok. I’m barely hanging on. I need her though, ok?

I understand that….we need to be careful. (at this point, while typing this out , my eyes caught the time -17:57-and i could hear the real katie telling me to get her three off swords song, so i went to the she is always 17 list, & hit shuffle. second chance by 38 special started to play with the words “since you’ve been gone, i’ve been in a trance” sticking out. The times when it turned 17:58 were :25/-4:40, 440 being “fables” & 25 being knight of wands. Then, immediately after that a kevin morby song at 6:04 with the words “Katie, stop the song now, stop before I cry”)

And understand that we have limitations..and that we probably should have someone who knows something about this situation explain it to us.

Who would that person be?

Who would…have we met that person already?

Yes?

Is it Langston?

Langston’s the one?

Ok. (haggard breathing)

Am i safe up here?

Yes

Should i still meet with Blond’s mother? No

Should i tell…jakk to tell her that? No

Should i tell blond? No

Should i tell laurie? No

Just…..so i shouldn’t email Blond and tell her that i’m not gonna meet with her mother?

(sighs)

You don’t think i should tell her that her daughter has been ….you don’t think that i should tell her that her daughter has been harassing me?

(interpreting transmission)

You think i should send a message saying “your daughter has been harassing me and so i….disregard, i withdraw my request to meet you”

You think i should do that.

Ok.

And she’s still pregnant?

(end of tape)

#watch the tapes

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infiniteorbits · 7 months

Text

and i wait.

i’ve gotten really good at writing eulogies. i think i write a new one every day, or at least once a week. “a new one” might be a bit of a stretch, they all kinda stem from the same couple of ideas. they usually start by saying how i was jealous of my dad, or that it was hard to be raised in his shadow. “in his shadow” is an unfair sentiment, and i note that these feelings are unfair of me to everyone at this funeral. i say how he lived an incredible life and while i felt hopeless because i could never be as amazing as he was, it let me be as much of a fuck-up as i wanted, because i could never be better. i say that i was always surprised that my dad was proud of me, when he went so much farther (further?) and did so much more than i ever did. he shouldn’t have been proud when i got a big part in a play, or did well on a test, or did anything, when you compare it to all he did. but maybe he was just a better person than i was, i say, and i hope people laugh. the one thing i had or did that he couldn’t do, the one leg up i have on him, was that i was raised by the best dad in the world. i got to be raised by him, and he didn’t. i probably wouldn’t say it like that though, knowing that my grandfather would be in the audience after watching his son die the same way his wife did. i’ve imagined giving this eulogy, or a eulogy, so often,

i practically have it memorized. he’s not even dead, he might not even die. yet. he will, and maybe i’ll give this speech with my own children in the audience, god i hope i give this speech with my children in the audience.

but then he starts talking about how he’s seizing the day, how he’s seeing all these places he’s always wanted to see, how he’s lucky that he knows the end could be soon, how people on 9/11 didn’t know and people who have spontaneous heart attacks didn’t know and he’s lucky. he says that all statistics are truly 50-50 because they work or they don’t but the next one is supposed to work, like actually work, but no one will tell him if he’s going to die and his therapist (his therapist!) tells him that he’s being unreasonable and they can’t tell him and gets straight with him about things like that and he likes that, he likes how she does that. and i ask my mom if my dad’s going to die and she says she doesn’t know and i keep asking and expecting her to suddenly break and tell me the answer and give a definitive answer but she can’t and she just sits next to me trying to stop tears from growing too visible in her eyes and i’m sitting at the foot of my bed and my mom looks so small and i want her to tell me that she knows what’s going to happen and that this is all almost over. but instead we sit there, and she says she’s proud i’m going back to therapy, that she’s sorry for last spring and that my dad and her were worried about me. i make some joke and we laugh and i later learn that my friend’s dad saw her a few days ago and she was barely keeping it together, that she seemed “really upset” and i feel bad for pushing her and telling her that i’m going back to therapy.

but i hate that they keep bringing it up, that they keep telling me things and i hate that i’m home and it’s not really home and i hate that they keep telling me things and it’s never things that i want to hear it’s never anything definitive except “we got the scans back” “it’s gotten worse” “we’ll keep trying.” it’s only regiments and circles and i’ve never wanted to leave so badly. the dorm isn’t my home because how could it be and now my home isn’t my home because how could it be. so now where do i go with this. i don’t know anyone here and i don’t think i know anyone there anymore. i’m supposed to hate people i used to love and love people i’ve never heard of. my sister drives me places and i sit and look out the car window and remember when we both used to sit in the back together.

i make my dad a playlist of my favorite songs. i skip the sad ones, even though those are really my favorites. i wait for people to tell me what i want to hear. i wait for home to feel like home again. i wait for conversations to feel normal again and to just feel normal again and again and again and i wait. i’ll keep waiting until i’ll find myself in a black dress one day, giving a eulogy planned out by an 18 year old me. i hope i’m left waiting a long time. i hope i’m left waiting for no time at all.

#free form writing #writing #prose?#Spotify #creative writing #unedited #word vomit #is my dad dying? who knows #tw cancer #tw sickness #tw death

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inmyheadandthoughts · 2 years

Text

14 November 2022

I have no idea if i’ll keep this up but...here we go. Hello to a new digital journal of sorts. I realised that my hands hurt more when writing than when typing (and my typing moves faster than writing which is great for my brain which rapid-fires sentences so much so that my hands cannot keep up), so i’m beginning to port all of my journal in here. TW// before i continue and if anyone is reading this, this blog will have mentions of anxiety, depression, the desire to end one’s life, self-harm, all that jazz. Yall know how it is on here, so just a heads up.

Why post a journal on a public domain?? I write my journals in a tone that is very aware of an audience for some reason (even when i keep all my entries to myself, is that weird?), so might as well just put it out there. I think i just needed a space to vent, and partly because i was inspired by Baek Se-Hee’s I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokbokki - before the publication of her book she wrote alot of her thoughts online. And i’m just like, damn...that takes a lot of courage, to let people in on your inner thoughts. But perhaps it is almost comforting to do that in an almost-anonymous space. And if it resonates with strangers then...i guess that’s the beauty of the internet perhaps.

I’m trying very hard not to start this first entry on a morose note, but then again this journal is going to be very morose anyway. So...if anyone happens upon this blog, you know what to expect. I shan’t ramble today though - i’ve been falling sick and had a covid scare 3 times in 2 days (thankfully i’m still negative, we shall see the next day). And i’ve been wanting to write this in my journal for a long time now, but i think it’s burnout. I’ve never been this stressed out about a job (my “normal” levels already hover around “tense” and “overwhelmed”), but more so for this particular one. It’s almost as if someone is constantly watching over my back and waiting for me to make a mistake and embarrass me in front of the whole company and i’ll never get to come back from said mistake (which is what?? The only event in which that would happen is if i maybe embezzle funds or do some white-collar crime shit. Which obviously would never happen but i keep thinking about it, of course.)

But anyway back to the situation that is burnout. It’s so obvious and yet i can’t quit - yet. For one it’s been getting more and more difficult to find a job in this economy and it’s...tiring. Everyday i question if i’m fit enough to do this professionally and i’ve been in this industry for 4+ years. Imposter syndrome will never go away it seems - and that feeds into my cycle of anxiety and depression (i want to be careful with using these words because i’ve never been formally diagnosed even if the symptoms are glaring, which brings me to another point i will address later on) and hence, burnout. Add social anxiety to the mix and you’ve got a whole killer cocktail of nerves and clenched jaws and i can never relax. Maybe on the weekends - but when i want to relax i remember that maybe i should call my friends to hang out but i don’t because i don’t know if they’ll want to see me. Returning to Baek Se-Hee’s book (god, i relate so much almost every page has a highlight/bookmark), it’s probably really just(?) my low self-esteem. And try as i might (i went to therapy for 2 years between mid-209 to late 2021) i wasn’t successful in even beginning to see the other side of the coin, which makes me incredibly guilty for not doing so. Why did i waste my money (damn therapy is expensive; it will never be subsidised in my country) and my therapist’s time? I’ve also been so forgetful that i almost never remember to do my therapy homework or i’ll do it and sweep in under rug of my brain (which was also the reason why i’d stopped going abruptly, the other reason being money lol). So...(i lost my train of thought. This happens frequently in my journals and i often chastise myself for not concluding entries properly. For what reason, i myself am unsure)

Ah yes, my point was that maybe i want to take the money i “saved” from not going to therapy all these months to see if i can get formally diagnosed. For some reason i feel like test results would come back fine and the medical staff would just be like “why would you fake it? Were you going to use your fake-diagnosis as an excuse for your behaviour?” something along those lines. Maybe it’s just me and my problematic attitude (which i’ll try to explain and unpack perhaps.) But yeah i don’t know (i say this a lot as well, haha i really don’t know a lot of things LOL), maybe it might be a relief, regardless of the outcome of any diagnosis. Something tells me something is (almost) evidently wrong, but something tells me otherwise and that i’m faking it as an excuse, that maybe everyone is truly this miserable and i’m just not strong enough to cope well with it and get on with life. But if that were truly the case i’d not get on with it and find any means to an end, literally.

#journal

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cjsinkythoughts · 3 years

Text

Rocks, Shoulders, and Ears

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 3501

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, Major Angst in this one, guys, Loads of Feels (sorry not sorry), John Walker being a douche (I really don’t like the guy)

A/N: I’m SO SORRY! I promise I was planning on it being shorter, but I went a little overkill with the angst! There’s just so many feelings and not enough space in my heart and soul, so I had to pour them out here! You get to see more of Reader and Sam’s relationship in this one and there’s major Bucky Feels towards the end (in my defense, this is based on the Couples Therapy half of the episode).

I’m really hoping we get to see Bucky go to Louisiana next episode! I’m holding out for it! I have a few ideas that include Sarah, but I need the episode! Ugh! Now we have to wait a whole ‘nother week! I really shouldn’t write three chapters on one episode in one day. I just couldn’t help myself!

Anyways! Please enjoy this part and thank you so much for all your support! Seriously, it’s meant so much to me, especially after the week I’ve had! If you haven’t checked out the previous parts, my FATWS Series Masterlist is HERE, so please go read those first. Like always, this isn’t beta’d so please excuse any mistakes! Enjoy, babes!

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT!

The last thing you remembered was falling asleep in Bucky’s arms after walking a few miles. And a hospital in DC wasn’t exactly what you preferred waking up to, but it’s what happened. Turned out, not only was your shoulder dislocated and your thigh was strained, but you had a mild concussion. Your arm was in a sling and your palm, which you had completely forgotten about after you wrapped it while on Bucky’s back, was wrapped properly. Luckily, your thigh wasn’t too bad, but they wanted to put you on crutches, which you refused immediately.

You had to get out of that building. You had no idea where the guys went, which was weird because you were sure they’d never leave you alone. Especially in a hospital.

You quickly snuck your way through the halls after grabbing your bag which - thank God - was left on the seat besides your bed and changing into an extra pair of clothes.

You tried calling Bucky’s phone, the one he had specifically for you, which he always always answered. He even made an excuse to go to the bathroom once when you accidentally called in the middle of a therapy session. Nothing. You called the number four times before trying Sam’s phone.

It clicked on the first try.

“Hey. Listen, sorry for leaving-”

“Where the hell are you?”

You heard him sigh. “I was just about to explain, so hang on a second there. You weren’t waking up, probably because that concussion you forgot to mention to us-”

“In my defense, I didn’t know.”

“Sure you didn’t.” You rolled your eyes, throwing your free hand up, exasperated. “Anyways, Bucky wanted me to meet someone, we’ll talk about that when you inevitably get here, put we had a bit of trouble and Bucky was arrested-”

“What?!”

“Chill your pants, Y/L/N. Just listen. We’re in Baltimore. I’ll text you the address. Get here soon and I’ll explain the whole thing. We’ve been here for a couple hours, but there’s people on their way and we’re getting everything situated right now.”

“Okay. Fine. But you’re in trouble.”

“Don’t I know it, babe. Now hurry your cute little ass here. We’ve got stuff to talk about.”

*****************

The ride from DC to Baltimore is usually an hour or so, but you’ve got resources, especially in the nation’s capital, and riding the bike you got, being able to go way over the speed limit? You got there in half the time. Being an Avenger really does have its perks.

The moment you got there, you hopped off the bike, not even bothering to turn it off, and stormed into the precinct. You headed straight over to the desk, but a pair of hands caught you by your uninjured arm before you could make a scene.

“Hey, hey, hey.” Sam spoke softly, squeezing your bicep gently. “He’s okay, alright?”

“Why is he-”

“He missed his court-mandated therapy session.” Sam informed you, pulling you over to where he had been sitting previously. “There was a warrant out for his arrest. They had to bring him in, but it’s fine. His therapist’s been contacted. She should be here any minute to get him out.”

Your head fell back at his words. His therapy. How could you forget? You let Bucky complain to you about it and played along sometimes, but you really did think it was good for him and you tried supporting him. Yet you made him miss it and now he’s in trouble.

“Hey. Y/N. Look at me.” You found Sam’s worried eyes, his hand coming up to hold the side of your neck. “He’s okay. He’ll be out in just a bit. It’s fine.”

“It’s my fault, Sam.”

“No. It’s not. He’s a grown ass man who made the decision to skip.”

You shook your head, holding his wrist for something to anchor you down. “No, Sammy. I brought him along. I should’ve been more responsible-”

“I know we’ve joked around about you being in charge and stuff, but…you know it’s not all on your shoulders, right?” Sam tilted his head slightly, eyebrow pinched in confusion making his eyes narrow.

You turned your head, not wanting to look at him. You didn’t need another set of deep eyes to fall into. “Sammy…I promised him I’d look after you.”

“I know. And that’s fine. But looking after us - looking after him - doesn’t mean you have to be there to hold his hand and take the fall for him. He’s not a child. Hell, he’s a hundred years old. Tell me you understand that.”

Licking your lips, you closed your eyes and shook your head again. “I-I can’t-”

“Is that why you’re obsessed with finding Wanda?”

You frowned at his question, eyes snapping to his. “I’m worried about her, Sam.”

“I am too, but she can handle herself. And if she doesn’t want to be found, you have to let her be. I know the Avengers were your only family. I know how much Steve meant to you-”

“No.” You pulled away rather harshly, digging your nails into your palms, trying not to cry, ignoring the wound you were irritating. “No, you don’t. How could you understand my feelings for Steve when I don’t understand them myself?”

Sam always had this ability to make anyone feel important, just by looking them in the eye. It was something you always admired about him; the way his smile could light up a room, those warm eyes making everyone’s fears go away. They reminded you of hot chocolate. Something that could soothe your worries, comfort you, warm your very soul from the ice tragedy and heartache tend to big on.

You promised yourself you wouldn’t cry in front of people, but with the way he was looking at you, it was hard to keep the tears from slipping.

“You loved him, Y/N. Why is it so hard for you to see that?”

“I didn’t - I wasn’t in love with him, Sam.” You argued, wiping your cheeks aggressively and turning, crossing your arms defensively.

“What do you call it then?”

It was a rhetorical question, Sam copying your movements and sitting straight to watch for Bucky coming out. A rhetorical question that you didn’t know the answer to. Because you weren’t in love with Steve. No. Maybe you had been, but somewhere along the way he passed your heart to Bucky. So why did it hurt so bad?

You refused to dwell on it anymore, clearing your throat and dabbing at your eyes one more time before changing the topic. “Why are we in Baltimore?”

“Bucky wanted me to meet someone. Isaiah. You know him?” Sam turned back to you, his warm eyes shifting into something else. Suspicion? A bit of anger? Annoyance? You couldn’t tell.

“Isaiah? I don’t think I know any Isaiahs. And definitely not here. Why? Who is he?”

Sam shook his head, eyes darting around the lobby. “We’ll talk about it later.”

You nodded, although now your curiosity had peaked and you wondered who this guy was that made Sam so agitated. While you waited, you felt your eyes drooping and you let your head fall onto Sam’s shoulder, who chuckled.

“You’re still tired? You know you slept for, like, twelve hours, right?”

“I haven’t been sleeping much.”

Sam turned his head to kiss yours. “Y/N, I know you want to care for everyone, but you’ve gotta take care of yourself too.”

“I know.”

“Okay.” And with that, the subject dropped, Sam pulling out his phone while you rested your eyes.

It was another ten minutes or so before Sam’s name was called and the both of you stood up to greet the speaker. A woman, Dr. Raynor. Bucky’s infamous therapist.

And speaking of infamous. The moment you heard his voice, you squeezed your eyes shut, hoping it was just your brain malfunctioning. And then he was walking towards you, calling Bucky ‘Bucky’ like they were old pals and he was saving him from something terrible.

Your face scrunched up as Walker talked about stopping Bucky’s regular therapy sessions. “He’s too valuable of an asset to have him tied up-”

“Don’t call him an asset.” You snapped. “He’s a human being with needs, and therapy-”

“He’s a super soldier with skills that we need.” Walker cut in, making you scowl as he turned back to Raynor.

You scoffed in disbelief at his words, turning on your heel and walking away before he did, heading straight for Bucky, who lifted his right arm, wrapping it around your shoulders once you were close enough.

“Are you okay?” You whispered, closing your eyes and trying to relax in his hold, breathing him in.

“Are you? Should you be walking? What did-”

You shook your head. “I’m fine.”

“Really?”

“Promise.” You sighed out with a nod, squeezing him once more before pulling back as Raynor stepped forwards, ordering Bucky and Sam to do a session with her. You almost laughed when Sam tried refusing, a little chuckle actually leaving your lips when Bucky slumped, dragging his feet like a kid going to the principal’s office.

You followed, Bucky holding the door open for you. “Thanks, Buck.”

“Of course, doll.” He gave a small smile, before walking in after you, Sam letting out a, “hey!” when Bucky shut the door on him, making you roll your eyes. You let the corners of your mouth tick up slightly in amusement. Yes, they annoyed the hell out of you, but you had to admit it was pretty funny sometimes.

“I believe I asked for James and Sam, Ms. Y/L/N.”

“It’s Agent, actually, and I think I’m gonna sit in.”

Raynor narrowed her eyes. “I don’t think-”

“That wasn’t a request.” You threw her words to Sam back at her, making Sam smirk. You shot him a wink as she relented with a sigh.

“Fine. Just as a spectator. Don't interrupt.”

You raise your hands in surrender, slipping around the table to stand in the corner as your fellas sank down into the seats across the table from her.

A small puff of laughter came from you at the lack of response when she asked one of them to start. She shot you a warning look over her shoulder, but you shrugged. You couldn’t help it; it was like all those times back in grade school when a teacher asked for a volunteer to read in a classroom full of rowdy kids and crickets followed.

Once she mentioned the next exercise was used for couples, you had to laugh, making both men shoot you begging pouts.

“Y/N.” Raynor glared at you, so you controlled yourself, gesturing for her to continue.

Her miracle question did work so well, neither of them cooperating well.

She didn’t even bother with you when you started cackling after she mentioned the “soul-gazing exercise” and Bucky thanked her, Sam commenting that he would like this one. You gave a teasing wolf-whistle when they got close, one of Bucky’s thighs between Sam’s and vice versa.

“Doll.” Bucky whined at you.

“Listen here, smartass-”

Raynor cleared her throat, cutting Sam off from finishing his statement towards you. You leaned back against the wall, crossing your arms with a smirk. After all the bickering and side taking they’ve put her through, letting you enjoy this was the least they could do, and they knew it.

Of course, this exercise didn’t work out either. A staring contest. Children. She was best friends with literal children.

But then something happened. Something you never thought would happen. Raynor asked Bucky why Sam aggravated him, and Bucky looked over to you, his eye growing sad in a way they only did when Steve was involved.

“Steve believed in you.” Bucky told him earnestly. “He trusted you. He gave you that shield for a reason. That shield? That is…that is everything he stood for. That is his legacy. He gave you that shield, and you threw it away like it was nothing. So maybe he was wrong about you. And if he was wrong about you, he was wrong about me.”

You heard his voice crack a little at the end as he slumped down in his seat, you jaw dropping slightly. You listened to the rest of the conversation, catching the way Sam grew irritated again, something that you didn’t previously think was possible, but was happening more and more now.

Why wasn’t Sam talking to you? Why was he holding all this in suddenly? And why…Bucky…he didn’t tell you that. Why didn’t he say anything? How could he ever feel…

But you knew how he could feel like that. Yes, Steve believed in him so much that he tore the Avengers apart for him…but he was the only one willing to do that for him. Yeah, you and Sam and Wanda and Clint, you all joined their side but, being honest, it wasn’t because you believed in Bucky. It was because you believed in Steve. Of course, it was different now. You believed in Bucky with your entire being, and you believed in Sam with your heart and soul, but…did either of them know that? Did they believe you when you told them? Or did you not tell them enough? This whole time you thought you were doing right by Steve - trying you damn hardest to watch out for them. But it obviously wasn’t enough. And that was on you, no matter what Sam said.

You read people. That’s what you’ve always done, that’s what you’d always do. It was the reason you earned your spot on the team. You read people and situations and could figure your way into their heads in a second. Years and years of undercover work taught you how to do that and how to protect yourself while doing so.

So why? How? How did you miss something this big? How did you miss the way Sam was holding onto something? Why did you ignore the vexation in his tone for the last couple weeks? How did you miss that Bucky was hurting that deeply? Why didn’t you do anything more for him?

You left the room before either of the boys, but you heard Sam standing up as you walked out the door.

You should’ve known you weren’t the only one holding things in. Of course they were. The difference is, you were supposed to be their rock, the thing they could hold onto to ground themselves, the shoulder for them to cry on, and the ear lent to them whenever they needed someone to listen. That was your job. It wasn’t their job. Not for you. Your rock - your shoulder, your ear - he left you. And you thought, after all he did for you, if you just returned the favor for his best friends, you’d…you dunno. You’d be closer to him, maybe.

But you couldn’t. Because you weren’t Steve Rogers. And you knew that from the start, but you had to try. You tried. And it wasn’t working. He made it seem so easy when he did it for you. Clearly you didn’t give him enough credit for dealing with all your shit on top of his own.

“Doll.” You didn’t stop walking, needing to get outside for some fresh air. “Doll, hold on. Wait a minute.”

He grabbed your arm as you made it outside, spinning you to face him. “You didn’t tell me.” You spoke quietly, your voice fragile as you stared at him, confusion and hurt in your eyes. Were you really that bad at doing your job? Did you really already fail him? He asked you to do one thing…

“I didn’t…I didn’t want you to deal with my problems.” You opened your mouth, but he shook his head, holding your face between his hands. “I’m not stupid, Y/N. I know something’s going on with you. You’re good at hiding your nightmares at night, but I’m better. You’re jumpier than usual. Quieter. Every time Wanda’s brought up, you turn away. And the other day? On the truck? You froze. I was watching, doll. It was just a second, but you froze. You never freeze.”

“It’s not your job to worry about me, Buck-”

He frowned, tilting his head. “Not my job? Aren’t we friends? Isn’t that what friends do? Or am I just a job to you? I know you promised him to look after me. Is that all I am to you? A responsibility?”

You shook your head vigorously, holding onto his wrists. “No. No, Bucky, I just-”

“Do you think he was wrong about me?”

Salty diamonds ran down your cheeks as you clenched your eyes shut and shook your head. “No.”

“Did you ever believe in me? Did you ever care or was it all just because Steve? Is Steve the only reason you tolerate me?”

“Don’t say that. God, please don’t say that.” You begged quietly, meeting his gaze again. Every beautiful detail was laced with devastation, eyes imploring her to make him feel better. “Of course I believe in you. I have since Wakanda, you know that. Yes, okay, maybe Steve is why I helped you at first, but-but…I care about you, James. So much so that it hurts sometimes. He wasn’t wrong about you. Or Sammy. You both mean so much to me. Okay?”

You watched his Adam’s Apple bob as he swallowed thickly, nodding slightly. You both simultaneously moved to get closer, him pulling you while you stepped into his chest, arms around his waist. His arms were tight around your shoulder, holding you just as firm as the kiss he planted on your forehead.

Sam came out, planting himself besides you as you pulled away, Bucky wiping your eyes. “I feel better.” He huffed out sarcastically, making you smack him in the arm. “Ow! Yeesh. Women these days.”

The sudden siren of one of the parked police cars made the three of you look over, spotting Walker and Hoskins. You groaned. “Did he see that?”

“Hey,” Bucky caught your jaw between his fingers, shaking his head. “Who cares? It’s between us and us only. Right?” You nodded, making him kiss your forehead again, a whisper of “attagirl” against your skin. You hadn’t heard that from him in a while.

“Gentlemen!” Walker waved them over, nodding at you. “And lady.” The three of you reluctantly walked over, Bucky going to lean on the police car Walker and Hoskins were near and you hopped up to sit on the hood of the police car across from them, Sam besides you.

You got information from Walker, who was once again trying to get you to work with him, but Sam summed it up nicely, explaining that the three of you didn’t have to follow the rules he did. You started to leave, Bucky tucking you under his arms once you slid off the car, when Walker stopped you once more.

“A word of advice, then. Stay the hell out of my way.”

You grumbled under your breath as the faker and his lapdog walked off. “I’m gonna kill him.” You vowed as the three of you started in the other direction. “I swear to God, I’m gonna rip that shield off his back and use it to beat him in that stupid face of his-”

“Down, girl.” Sam jested, flicking your ear. “We need a game plan. What’re we thinking?”

Your eyes narrowed as Bucky piped up, talking about the Isaiah character - who you still didn’t know - before HYDRA entered the equation.

“Absolutely not.” You shook your head, tugging his arm to make him stop once he mentioned Siberia. “Do you remember Siberia? Because if you’re actually suggesting what I think you’re suggesting, we remember Siberia very differently.”

“He’s our best bet-”

“So you’re just going to go sit in a room with this guy?”

Bucky scrunched up his nose. “Ye-yes…”

A beat of silence passed before Sam gave his stamp of approval, but you still disagreed. “There’s no way this’ll end well and I refuse to let you-”

You found your face between Bucky’s hands again. You really wished he’d stop doing that and just ask for your attention. You didn’t mean that, of course. You’d be held by him every second of every day if you could. “Don’t you trust me, doll?”

You licked your lips, looking around the darkened street. This was not a good idea. A bad plan - a terrible plan, really - but, unfortunately, it was the only one you had. “Dammit. I’ve got a really bad feeling about this.” You finally sighed, running a hand through your hair after Bucky let go of you, his eyebrow quirking.

“Is that a yes?”

Sam nodded. “We’re gonna go see Zemo.”

You tugged Bucky’s hand when he nodded back and went to walk after Sam, who started walking around the corner, making him stop. “And yes. I do trust you. With everything I have, Buckaroo.”

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katishome · 2 years

Text

Grumps n’ Sweets

Pairings: CEO!Harry x Chef!Y/n

Summary: Harrys mending on his broken heart when he runs into the one person that could save him.

Warnings: Slight angst, swearing, aggressive behavior.

Word count: 1.5k

Harry still cried into his pillow every night wishing she was there. He’d never forgive himself for fucking everything up. He didn’t even know where she was, or what she did. Had she gone back to Georgia? God knows. Maybe she went to live with her dad in Miami. Probably not, but things might have changed.

“How are we doing today Harry?” Ruth, Harry’s therapist, asked.

“The same,” he replied flatly.

“Sad?”

“Yes,” he confirmed. “And angry.”

“What’s going through your head right now?” Ruth wondered.

“I’m furious with myself. I can’t believe I let her go, and I can’t believe I still haven’t fucking done anything about it.”

When they had broken up, and Harry began seeing Ruth, he decided to not ever tell her her name. So they just said her, that was all that was needed to say, he would get too emotional if he heard her name again. He saved his tears for his pillow.

“If she were here, what would you do? What would you say to her?”

“I-I’d ask if I could touch her, and I’d apologize for everything. And if she said I could touch her, I’d h-hug her so tight. And tell her I love her, an-and I’ll never hurt her again,” he was getting emotional. So his lips formed a straight line and his soft tone turned cold.

Ruth had asked this question once before, and she knew that over the years Harry only became more remorseful. So she knew that couldn’t be all he had to say. “Harry, try not to shut down. I know this is so hard for you, but you won’t get anywhere if you close yourself off.”

“‘ave a meeting. Thank you Ruth, I’ll talk to you later.”

That was that, shutting his computer, he blew his nose into a tissue before walking to the conference room.

He was always a closed book. He wasn’t exactly mean, but private. That all changed when she left. His moods became permanently sour, he was stoic and cruel. An intern getting him the wrong coffee? Fired. Walking into his office without permission, even though you knocked? Fired. People could hear his screams from all around the office when someone was fired. His comforting smile was never seen again.

***

“What?” Harry spat.

“U-um they were out of uh- the um almond croissants,” Laura, his new intern, stuttered.

“Uh uh I uh don’t fucking care! Go to a different bakery then!”

Harry didn’t care for the pastry, you could barely taste the nuts and if you did it was just a burnt flavor. He usually just let it sit on his desk until he was too hungry to wait for Laura to bring him what he actually wanted and pick the almonds off to eat it. Although Harry hated the taste, he loved the smell. He ordered it every morning, reminiscing how she used to have one every Saturday morning and pouting about how it was cold once she actually sat down to eat it.

“I did, they didn’t have any either.”

“Then get me a chocolate one,” he ordered.

“Y-yes sir.”

Those he actually liked, but

ate with a sour expression.

***

“Mr. Styles?”

“What?”

“I have your coffee,” Laura smiled gently. She placed the cup in front of him.

“The fuck is this, Laura?” He spat as he tried to look through the small hole you drink from.

“It’s your coffee!” She was too loud and chipper.

“‘Chai Tea Latte’ sound like my order?”

She jumped back at his booming voice.

“I- No Mr. Styles, I’ll go get your coffee.”

“Black fucking coffee one sugar! What’s so hard to remember?” Laura picked up the coffee and fled from his office, her heels clicking against the tile.

***

Harry sat back and sipped his coffee, frowning at the creamy taste. Storming out of the office and to the elevator, he harshly threw the cup into the trash can beside Laura’s desk. Huffing and glaring at his useless assistant. You would probably feel his anger if you were to stand next to him. He was fucking fuming.

“Medium black coffee, one sugar,” he mumbled.

“Okay! What’s the name?”

“Harry.”

And there she was. Just kneading some dough he could only assume was for the croissants. Has she been here all these years? At the little coffee shop across the street? The one with the candles on the counter? And the display of little cakes and tarts? She’s been hidden away in that kitchen all this time?

“Styles Da-”

“It’s me, Laura. Move my next meeting to this afternoon,” he demanded.

“Ok Mr. Styles, anything else?”

“No, goodbye Laura.”

He sat down at a table in the middle of the shop, where he had a good sight of her moving around and cooking. He even forgot about his half drunk coffee until it was cold. And only left when his client called to inform him he was on his way.

***

He did the same thing on Thursday. Moved all his meetings and appointments to the afternoon so he could sit and watch her. Now he didn’t need to eat those god awful croissants just so he could have a little piece of her with him; now she was actually there, and he could eat whatever he felt like.

Then again on Friday.

Even came in on his days off just so he could see her.

The 5 different baristas had even begun to remember his coffee order, since he was trying to go through the food menu to find what he liked best. So far it was the Lemon-Strawberry scone.

Harry didn’t know what he was going to do about it, he’d have to speak to Ruth. But for now, he was content with just being in her presence, even if she was in another room entirely. She was there, and happy, and that’s all that matters.

***

“Would you like some lunch Mr. Styles? That coffee shop across the street has some really good fresh pasta!”

“Sure, get me whatever. And a salad.”

Wait. The cafe across the street? Nevermind, he’ll get it himself.

“Actually Laura, why don’t you take off the rest of the day? I’ll get my own lunch.”

***

He found time to go and sit at the small shop at around 2:30. It was relatively empty and his usual baristas were nowhere to be soon.

“I’ll be right with you!” A voice shouted from the kitchen. Y/n’s voice. She walked out and stopped in her tracks, and Harry’s breath caught in his chest. This was not how he was planning to confront her, what now?

“Harry,” she sighed.

“Y/n.” His heart was going a mile a minute. He had butterflies in his stomach.

They just stood and stared for a moment.

“We’re closed.”

“You just said you’d be right with me,” Harry almost whined.

“Well, now we’re closed.” She was short and uncaring, “come back earlier tomorrow then.”

So he did, and requested for the chef to take his “allergy specific” order. He had no allergies, he just wanted an excuse to talk to her.

“Harry, I have to work. Order something or leave, I can’t stand here all day.”

***

Everyday this week, He would stand outside the shop’s front door at exactly 9:28 A.M. Two minutes before they open. Thinking of how he was going to make her smile, and how he’d ask for her number.

And everyday this week, Y/n unlocked the door and made a beeline for the kitchen before he could even start his sentence.

He frowned deeply when it wasn’t Y/n who unlocked the door on Friday morning. Pouting to himself as he ordered his coffee and stomped his way back to his office. Even though she refused to acknowledge him, seeing her up close was keeping him going.

And after another two weeks of being completely ignored, he decided to show up 15 minutes before they opened, that would surely guarantee that she said something to him.

He wasn’t expecting it to snow, but he decided to go along with the plan anyways. Maybe he should’ve worn some warmer clothes though.

He was too busy blowing warm air onto his hands to realize the door open.

“What Harry? What do you want?”

“Please, Y/n. C’mon. Just five minutes, please,” he begged.

“No, Harry. Go back to your office.”

***

“She won’t fuckin’ talk to me!” He shouted.

“Harry, deep breaths. She doesn’t want to talk to you, she’s not ready. You need to give her space-”

“I don’t want to give her space, I want her to talk to me,” he whined. Deep down, Harry was a soft, sensitive baby. There were 4 people that got to see him like that, Ruth, his mom, stepdad, and sister. No one else.

“Don’t push it, if you push her, she’ll be less likely to want to talk, Harry. You need to let her think.”

“She’s had weeks to think! I’ve stopped by everyday for weeks! Sometimes multiple times a day!”

“Is that letting her breathe and giving her space, Harry?”

“No,” he frowned sheepishly. His eyes filled with tears and he let out a whimper.

“But I love her.”

Part 2

#harry styles #grumpsnsweets #harry styles writing #kat’s writing #harry styles series #harry styles fic #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles soft #kat’s posts

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lubdubsworld · 3 years

Text

物の哀れ ( ‘the sadness of things’.)

Characters : Alpha! Jungkook x Omega ! OC.

ABO Dynamics.

Genre : Arranged Marriage / Temporary contractual Marriage.

Warnings : Non- Con/ Extremely Dubious Consent . High functioning alcoholism. Genre related consent issues. Implied suicidal thoughts.

Summary : A recently widowed Jungkook agrees to a contract marriage to keep his company afloat. His grief overwhelms him and it is hard to look at his new wife as anything other than an intruder .

[ Author’s Note : 物の哀れ ~ Mono no aware can be translated as ‘the sadness of things’. It comes from the words 物 (mono – thing) and 哀れ (aware – poignancy or pathos). The ‘sadness’ in question comes from an awareness of the transience of things, as taught by Zen Buddhism. When we view something exceptionally beautiful, we might feel sad because we know it won’t stay so beautiful forever – but appreciation only heightens the pleasure we take in the beautiful thing in that moment. ]

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

I wrapped the white wool shawl tighter around my shoulders. The night was still chilly and the and smelt faintly of impending rain. Why they would plan a party outside while it rained, was beyond me.

After my little skirmish with Jungkook, I had found Namjoon quickly only to be told that we couldn’t leave for another hour at least because there was a certain investor who wanted to meet Namjoon . The guy was running late and he had to wait for him. So here I stood, shivering lightly, all while keeping an eye on my husband as he got progressively drunk.

Namjoon’s words made me sigh a little.

“You can’t decide what someone else’s normal is, Namjoon. Especially when it comes to grief. But the drinking is an issue. And you’re right about the therapist. I know she’s doing her best but I’m not sure if she has the right answers for him. Or even the right tools to help him.”

“I’ve been searching up on therapists who specialize with alphas. There’s one in Itaewon , his name is Kim Taehyung. I really think he could help. He’s an alpha himself.”

“That sounds good. Betas may not fully understand alpha mating bonds or what it’s like when one of them dies. Taehyung may have a better understanding of what Jungkook’s going through.” I nodded, a little hopeful.

Therapy with the beta lady the hospital had recommended wasn’t really helping Jungkook the way it ought to.

Namjoon hesitated.

“Would you be willing to go with him? Taehyung insists a family member stay in the waiting room just in case...” he asked gently. I turned back to look at my husband, leaning on the mahogany countertop of the bar, fingers curled around a glass of whiskey.

“And I’m the one you want to consider for that? That’s ridiculous. Jungkook hates me.” Did I really have remind him of this salient fact?

“I’ve offered to, before. He doesn’t want me there." I sighed as Jungkook threw the drink back with ease.

“That was three months ago though. Things have changed now right?” Namjoon prodded.

I laughed, shaking my head.

“Not between us they haven’t. He’s spending more time with Mina and he isn’t throwing stuff around but he still loathes me.”

“He loathes what you represent: his own shortcomings and failures. Your father wasn’t kind in his approach and you are a reminder of all the things he can’t control.”

How fucking unfair, I thought playing with the tiny ring on my finger ( or should i say handcuff really? ), my wedding ring , the platinum band engraved with my husband’s name, a drop of his blood embossed into the metal.

An archaic tradition, that carried no meaning in modern Seoul but the idea of it was still alive and well. The idea that what we had was a blood bond, imbued in our veins now. An alpha’s connection with a beta or an alpha mate was usually quite fragile. But an alpha and omega mate bond. That was supposed to be powerful.

Unless the alpha was still phantom bonded to a dead wife , that is. It was odd thing. Mate bonds had to be mutual to work. So there was no bond between Jungkook and I . We didn’t have any feelings for each other of course. But wearing someone’s blood on yourself changed that . it forced a bond that wasn’t there. It was ancient magic and it worked on my kind. Not on his.

How fucking unfair because it wasn’t like I could control any of this either?

I grimaced. I had thought of taking the ring off

“Ouch.” I said with a smile. Namjoon waved off my self pity with an eye roll.

“You know what I mean. Even for an Alpha, Jungkook has always held on to his pride. Losing his wife and his company all in the same week probably left him feeling incredibly helpless and your father browbeat him into this whole thing. Of course he isn’t going to be eager to share heart to heart talks with you. ”

I held my hand up.

“I know all that Namjoon. I was there, remember? And I’m not blaming him for any of that. Trauma makes you do shitty things and I understand that . I also understand that if he was in his right mind he wouldn’t behave the way he does now. But that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t change his mind for him. If he doesn’t want to get help, I’m kind of helpless myself, you know?”

Namjoon reached out and squeezed my hand.

“I’m just asking you this because , he does listen to you at times. I’ve noticed it. He doesn’t outwardly agree with you but he takes your opinions into consideration. And, Heejin you live with him and you’re the one who managed to convince him to start scenting Mina. ”

And God, how exhausting that had been. I had kept at it because Mina was so young and she needed her father’s scent to grow. And while i could be persistent when necessary, I couldn’t work miracles.

“Namjoon oppa, “ I said softly, trying to explain myself without sounding like a horrible human, “ I don’t hate Jungkook. Far from it. I want him to get the help he needs and I’m here for him. If you can convince him to go see Taehyung and he’s okay with me coming along, I won’t say no. Mina needs him and there’s nothing I would like more than for him to get better. ” i smiled a little, “ But he’s still going to have to be the one to make that choice. i can’t make it for him.”

Namjoon nodded.

“ Fair enough. Well, I’ll talk to him about it. We’ll set something up. Thank you for not refusing Heejinah. I know it can’t be easy for you either.

I opened my mouth to respond but out of the corner of my eyes I caught a glimpse of someone, staring intently right at me.

I turned sharply, eyes locking with those of Kim Yugyeom and I stiffened, stepping closer to Namjoon on instinct. Yugyeom smirked, winking at me.

I shuddered in disgust.

Creep.

Namjoon followed my line of vision and swore.

“This motherfucker.” He made to move towards him. and I grabbed his arm, fingers digging into his forearm. The last thing i wanted to witness was an alpha alpha showdown in the middle of a party with me in the middle.

“Please, no. Don’t make a scene. It’s what he wants.”

“Jungkook has the shittiest friends on the planet.” Namjoon shook his head and I couldn’t agree more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mina’s appointment with the doctor went about as expected. She was right on time with her milestones and I sat in the waiting office for a mere twenty minutes before being called in. The doctor, an alpha named Min Yoongi gave me a small smile of recognition before flipping through the pages of her file.

“ Jungkook didn’t come along?” He asked casually, grabbing a pen and making a note of her weight and length before plotting it on the small graph. She was a little on the smaller side but she was growing well.

“He’s busy...” i said with a shrug, “ So I still keep giving her the polyvisol supplements?”

Yoongi nodded, “ The nurse will fill in the prescription for you. Are you sure he’s busy? He called me last night and told me he wanted to come see me?”

I blinked.

“He did ? “ I couldn’t quite process this.

“He wanted to talk about how she’s doing and I told him he could come in for her appointment today.”

I imagined a world where Jungkook actually spoke to me, instead of forcing me to navigate stormy waters on rotten plywood. Nine more months, i told myself firmly, already digging for my phone. Nine more months and I would be out of this living hell I’d gotten trapped in.

“Can I try calling him? He’s probably forgotten. I think he might regret missing out.” I begged and Yoongi gave me a small smile, waving me off.

“Of course you can Heejin-ah and tell him that if he wants I can drop by at the office and talk to him as well.”

I nodded quickly , moving out to the waiting area while the nurses held Mina, soothing her before getting her ready for her shots. I tried calling him and not surprisingly he didn’t pick up. I called his office next and Jungkook’s secretary picked up the phone .

The woman hated me.

“He’s busy.” She said curtly.” He’s specifically asked me not to bother him with stuff that isn’t important.”

Her whiny voice grated on my ears and i bit my lips to keep the irritation in.

“Since when does his daughter make that list, Ms Lee?” I said calmly and she hesitated.

“He’s in a meeting right now and-”

“I’m in the hospital with his daughter. I hope you’re willing to take the heat when he finds out that you wouldn’t let me get through to him. “ I said casually.

It was a twisted version of the truth for sure. Meant to imply that Mina was hurt in some way. But I couldn’t bring myself to regret it much. I had enough on my plate without dealing with twenty year old secretaries who fancied themselves in love with their hot boss.

“I... just a moment, Mrs. Jeon.”

I loathed the name. It wasn’t mine. It was hers and I felt like a thief every time someone addressed me that way.

After two minutes, Jungkook’s familiarly low and perpetually exhausted voice came out ,

“Hello? Heejin?” He sounded listless and his voice just a little slurred and i groaned.

“Please tell me you aren’t drunk.” I whispered.

“I’m not. “ He said shortly. “ What’s wrong? What happened? Is Mina alright? ”

“Did you tell Yoongi that you were going to meet him today?”

He was quiet for a second.

“i’ll talk to him.”

He hung up and I stared at the phone. I realized that I shouldn’t have called him in the first place. Should have asked Yoongi to call him himself. What was wrong with me? Even a few syllables exchanged with Jungkook felt like staring into an abyss .

I moved back to the clinic , just as Mina plaintive wail filled the room. The shots were done. It took us another thirty five minutes to finish filling her prescriptions and for Yoongi to finish examining her. She was already dozing off and I wasn’t supposed to feed her for another thirty minutes so perhaps the nap would do her good. I had just finished settling her into her Bjorn carrier when Jungkook’s voice came from the entryway.

��Is this the way to Dr. Min’s office?”

I glanced back to watch him . He looked ridiculously handsome in a three piece suit, jacket thrown over his arm and hair lightly damp from the misty drizzle outside. I saw the secretary’s mouth actually drop open and stay agape as she tried to process his questions. i could see the way his beauty had rendered her entirely witless and as someone who had experienced it first hand , i could sympathize,

But Jungkook was beginning to look annoyed from the lack of response and i decided to give the poor girl a break.

“He’s waiting for you.” I called out and Jungkook startled. He glanced up at me and for some reason he looked surprised. He always looked surprised when he saw me. As if i was just some monster out of his worst nightmares turning up in odd places . As if he couldn’t quite believe that i did exist in his life now. Unwelcome but impossible to avoid.

“You’re here.” He said blankly.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

“Yes, i am. I’ve been here for three months now. “ i said shortly, before i could stop myself, “ Mina’s fine. She just had her shots. I’m going to drive home and put her down for a nap. Do you want me to come with you ?” I pointed at the clinic.

He hesitated before shaking his head.

It was all according to script then. Jungkook would never include me in a single thing. Even if i was smack damn in the middle of the room with nowhere else to go.

“Alright. i’ll see you after work.”

“We’ll have guests for dinner today. ” He said suddenly.

I stared at him, confused.

“For dinner??”

“ Sooah’s parents.”

Oh, God.

Wary of the extra nurses suddenly filling the room, the little whispers and the curious glances, i kept my smile even.

“Of course. ” I bowed a little before turning on my heel and walking away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sooah’s parents were, for lack of a better word, selfish .

They had lost a daughter, so of course i could understand with their need to keep their daughter’s memory alive. But the way they chose to do it was unhealthy and borderline vindictive.

" She’s growing well.” Mrs. Kim had the same statuesque figure as her model daughter and she held her grandchild with a slightly unsure grip and Mina felt the uncertainty in her grip, breaking out into cries at once. I stayed still, my throat dry from disuse. I hadn’t said a word since they came in.

We were seated at the table, dinner was done.

Jungkook sat next to me, staring straight ahead while his father in law tried to engage him in conversation.

With Jungkook, the grief came in waves. Some days, the waves were small and gentle, like the ones that lapped at your feet on the shore of a tranquil lake. on those days e went about his day as usual, spoke to his friends and signed deals. And somedays they were big, behemoths carrying guilt and accusation, crashing over his head with a vengeance.

On those days , he looked like he’d been run over by a two ton truck.

Today was just one of those days and i could sense it.

The man was going on an on about some charity that Sooah had been involved in as a young girl... Could Jungkook make a contribution in her name?. Could Jungkook pay for a concert of her favorite singer in her hometown..? Could Jungkook possibly consider contributing to opening a foundation in her name?

I could feel the urge to scream, grow by the minute.

Each syllable that spilled out of her father’s mouth was aggravating, the sentences began and ended with her name, over and over over again and It felt terribly like she was standing right next to me, ice cold and dead but real and relentless at the same time. He spoke of her like she was still alive and i couldn’t fathom how that was healthy. How that was going to help Jungkook move on.

If anything it made it harder for him to move on.

And in a moment of chilling clarity, i realized that this is what they wanted.

They didn’t want Jungkook to move on from her. They wanted him to be consumed by her. In the wake of that realization , i felt anger surge.

There was just enough hurt and heartbreak and pain and grief in this room without these idiots adding to it.

“Jungkook is tired tonight, uncle.. Perhaps we can discuss this later.” I said finally, unable to bear it any more.

The man gave me a glare.

“I wasn’t talking to you girl.” He said sharply. I frowned.

“We’re trying to help Jungkook. “ The woman said sharply. “ Unlike you and your father we do not prey on the weak. “

Jungkook shifted at the phrase and I glared at her.

“He isn’t weak. “ I snapped, resisting the urge to add on a you bitch , “He’s grieving . And what he needs is space to process his grief. Not you people trying to shove your daughter into his throat with every sentence. “

“Don’t you dare talk about our daughter!” Mrs. Kim snarled and i felt a headache come on.

“I thought that was why you were here? To talk about her? Or should I say use her as an excuse to get money out of him?? What you’re doing is unfair and awful!! . Jungkook isn’t ready to talk about this and one look at his face should tell you that, if you even bothered looking at anything except his wallet.” I shouted.

“Heejin, that’s enough.” Jungkook said hoarsely and i bit my lips.

Of course he wasn’t going to support me even if we were on the same side. Defending him, protecting him was exhausting and it was such a thankless job. i wanted it to end.

“I think we should call this a night. please, just leave” I said sharply, standing up and reaching for Mina. She glared at me but handed the baby over.

“You don’t get to make that decision. My son in law is who I’m here to see. You’re just the parasite that’s attached herself to him. You sit there in my daughter’s place and you dare disrespect me this way. ” The woman snapped.

“Its still my house. “ I gritted out. “ I’m married to Jungkook whether you like it or not and so i have the right to ask you to get out of my house.”

“Heejin, stop.” Jungkook’s voice only made me angrier. He sounded drained and empty and still these leeches wanted to suck him dry. And he was too blind to see it.

“I’m done with this” I stood up moving to the small pack and play that sat in the corner of the living room. i placed Mina in and watcher her eyes flutter shut gently.

i turned back to stare at Mrs. Kim.

“i want the pair of you to leave. Get out before I call security.”

She gaped at me.

“you had a wedding... that doesn’t make it a fucking marriage. “ she sneered. “ Its probably not even legal until you consummate it. So go ahead, call the cops right now. You think i wouldn’t take you to court. ??!! ”

She was spouting absolute nonsense, probably driven by her own grief but i wasn’t feeling particularly charitable tonight.

“Why don’t you ask your son in law that? Ask him if the marriage was consummated or not...” I smirked.

She faltered, eyes wide and disbelieving.

“No. You’re lying ...he wouldn’t.” She turned to Jungkook who looked at me with fury in his eyes.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He said sharply and I scoffed.

“With me? What the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with these idiots that they think they can come here and ask you to sign a fucking cheque when you’re still out here grieving for their daughter?!”

“You don’t know shit about them or her...”

“I don’t have to. I don’t have to and i don’t care to either. All I know is that i married you and you’re my husband and whether you meant those vows or not, i did. I swore in front of my God and my family and I’m going to keep those promises. I’m going to protect you because I love your daughter . I’m going to protect you because you need to fucking live to be able to care for her. “

i turned to stare at his in-laws. They were staring at me, some of the fire dying out and in the span of a few minutes they somehow looked older .

“You don’t deserve to be here.” Mr. Kim said finally, voice cracking and i exhaled.

“And yet, here I am. And I’m not leaving. you are.” I said calmly.

They stared at me for one more second before standing up and moving out of the dining space and into the hallways leading out.

“We’ll call you later Jungkook-ah...” The man said before walking out of the door and slamming it shut behind him.

The silence between us grew heavier as the seconds ticked.

“We can’t decide how people grieve.” Jungkook said softly.

I stared at him in disbelief.

“You’re telling me that , Jungkook? Or did you forget all the times I indulged you when the only way you could grieve was apparently by forcing yourself on me.” i snapped.

His eyes widened , just a fraction before going blank again.

He took a deep breath and went on.

“They lost their daughter and they’re hurting. We can’t tell them they aren’t allowed to honor her memory...They’re clearly in pain...”

“Not more than you!” i snapped. “ You’re the one in pain here Jungkook. Your pain is so much more than theirs ..... Or may be it isn’t i don’t know.. But i do know that I can’t sit here and watch them bleed all over you when you’re cut just as deep as them.”

“You don’t know shit about e!” He roared. “ Don’t you fucking dare talk about my grief like you can understand it...like you actually know what its like to lose the woman who had your fucking heart, because if you did you wouldn’t have agreed to this fucking marriage...you wouldn’t be here in this room with me, intruding on my grief and my pain... “

The sound of his voice made my entire body freeze in fear. I stayed perfectly still, jumping when he crossed the distance between us and grabbed my face, fingers curling around my jaw.

“ You want to know how i wanted to grieve? I wanted to grieve in solitude!!! I wanted to grieve without some fucking stranger hovering over my shoulder like a fucking plague!”

I exhaled shakily, fingers trembling as i reached up to hold his wrist, my entire jaw throbbing with how hard his grip was.

“It’s the price you pay for getting your company back. Jeon Jungkook. “ I choked out.” Or did you forget that marrying me is the reason you aren’t homeless on the streets “

He laughed a little yanking me closer and wrapping an arm around my waist.

“You’ve learned to talk back these days...” He muttered , “ I think I preferred the girl who hid in the nursery for the first three weeks of our wedding.”

“I wasn’t hiding . I was avoiding you. Because your misery was contagious and i didn’t want any of it on me.” I snapped and his hold on my waist tightened.

“Are you trying to make me angry? ” He snapped, fingers curling on my waist and I swallowed the whimper of pain that threatened.

“Maybe i am... Maybe anything is better than watching you walk around this house like a corpse. You’re alive so I don’t see why you act like you died with her.”

He growled at that, eyes blazing as he stepped back enough to stare into my face.

“You’re right... I didn’t die with her. Although i wanted to...Maybe if i wasn’t such a fucking coward, i would have gone through with it. .” He laughed and I felt my heart go ice cold at the very thought of it.

“You didn’t die... So why don’t you get some help. There’s no shame in getting help... Taehyung...”

“I don’t need help. i need to be alone.” He snarled. “ I need to be allowed to cry and mourn my wife the way I want to but you and your father made sure that i couldn’t.”

I sighed, looking away in defeat.

“Fucking look at me!” He snarled, hands grabbing both my arms and yanking me forward. “ Why won’t you look at me huh? is the guilt finally catching up?”

“No. No guilt. Just loathing and resentment.” I snapped back and he laughed again.

“Well too bad. Because you know what? You’re right. I paid for my company with my right to grieve and you...you paid for my name with your right to say no . “

I swallowed as he yanked me away from the table, dragging me to the couch in the side.

“ I never refused you a thing.” I choked out, breathing ragged as he shoved me into the soft leather surface, crawling on top of me at once. “ I only said no when you were drunk out of your mind. When you thought it was okay to fuck me and call me by her name.”

He made swift work of the buttons of my blouse and I stayed still, arms lying by my side.

“ Are you telling me you want this ? You expect me to believe you want my hands on your body?” He sneered, fingers moving up to grip my hair. “You don’t want this and you don’t want me....Just like i don’t want you either. i’ll never want you. ”

“You don’t want me.??.. You have a funny way of showing it..” I scoffed , staring right into his eyes rolling my hips up into his , greeted by the hard press of his length against my thigh. “ And to be honest i don’t give a damn if you’re still in love with her , all I want is my name on your lips if you want to get off with me. Because I’m not just a toy you can use to replace your dead wife. I have a name and you should remember it. "

He growled again, fingers squeezing hard against the back of my head till my scalp felt like it was on fire.

“I hate you. “ He said clearly. “ I hate you and everything you’ve done to me.”

“Everything I’ve done to you? Oh you mean save your life? Taek care of your baby girl like she was my own? Give you the chance to rebuild your entire career.? Turn you into multi millionaire again? Good. Hate me. The feelings mutual. “ I snapped. “Now if you hate me so much why are you still here? Get off me.”

“I’m not going anywhere, wife.” He sneered. “ Because like you said, I’ve paid for this.” He drawled, reaching down and squeezing between my legs. “And I’d be a pretty bad businessman if i don’t collect from my investments.”

Before I could retort, he pulled back, just enough to grab me by the waist and flip me over on my front. I flinched when he grabbed my arms, yanking them back and trapping my wrists together in his fist at the base of my spine. My cheeks pressed into the leather couch, sticky and uncomfortable.

i heard the sound of his zipper, the clink of his belt buckle.

Coward.

I shivered when he pushed my skirt up.

“Don’t enjoy this too much, yeah?” I snapped, “ You hate me remember?”

“Easy enough to forget its you when I don’t have to look at you.” he retorted.

He slipped one arm under my waist, lifting me up just enough for him to yank my panties down.

“Just remember , you don’t get to blame the alcohol for this .” I sneered. “ You’re sober and clear headed and you’re hard for me. “

Somehow that seemed to bother him.

He stopped .

I could feel the hesitation in his limbs.

It made me laugh.

“You know Jungkook, i took you for lot of things but a coward wasn’t one of them.”

“What the fuck does that mean huh? I should put you in your fucking place for how insolent you are with me... ” he pressed down on me and i gasped when I felt his chest pressing into my back, his face inches from my own. I flinched when he sank his teeth into the mating mark on my neck.

“it means that if you’re going to do this, if you’re going to talk big about putting me in my place like the big bad alpha that you are, at least own up to the fact that you’re attracted to me. ”

“ You forget your fucking place, omega.” he hissed, voice sharp and furious against my ear. “ Another word out of that mouth and i won’t be responsible for what i do.” I gritted my teeth when he curled his fingers around the inside of my thigh, parting my legs and settling in between.

He pushed into me in one strong thrust and my eyes flew open in shock.

“Fuck.... why are you so fucking tight...” He groaned and my shoulders began to throb as he fucked into me, setting a punishing speed that left both of us panting . We were too fucking would up for it to last any longer than a few minutes and yet, i could feel pleasure swell inside me, wetness seeping out of me and onto the leather couch beneath us.

I wondered just how fucked up this whole thing was. Just how much damage were we doing to each other?? But it was hard to care too much about it, because even if though it was a terrible way to talk things out at least he had talked. It was nothing new....nothing earth shatteringly enlightening but he had said it all out loud and that made a difference.

“You think you can come into my life and dictate how i fucking live.” He grunted against my ear, fingers tightening on my hair. “ it pisses me off.”

“Everyone dies, Jungkook. People die and they leave loved ones behind but Life goes on. It has to go on. You can’t just pause life to grieve. Mina needs you.” I felt my eyes begin to sting with tears, the adrenaline from the argument fading and my body threatening to go limp as he drove into me at the same punishing pace.

He didn’t respond, fingers closing around my throat and squeezing lightly instead.

“Save your platitudes before i decide that the warmth of your body isn’t worth the grate of your voice on my ear.” He snapped and I whimpered when he stilled, spilling into me.

He stayed pressed up against me. breathing harshly against my ear and i waited till both our breaths evened out.

“It’s not selfish to move on Jungkook. You aren’t insulting your wife’s memory by wanting to move on. “ I said softly. ” Someday your heart and mind will agree with me. Whether you like it or not. That’s just how pain works, Jungkook. One day it’ll pack itself up and walk out of your heart in the middle of the night. You just have to hold on till then.”

He didn’t reply, merely drawing himself up and off me.

Once i heard the door to his bedroom slam shut i dragged myself up , thighs shaking and sticky. I grimaced at the mess on the couch. I stared at the packet of baby wipes on the table nearby and shuddered. That just felt wrong.

I’d just have to go grab a washcloth from the bathroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On that weekend, we had another dinner to attend, this time with a few investors from out of the country or so Namjoon told me.

Although we didn’t talk about what happened and he didn’t try to touch me again, things were subtly different.

Something had changed in the way Jungkook behaved with me. There was a little less of the usual zombie like indifference and he actually seemed to be avoiding alcohol actively. It was a welcome change. But to make up for it, Mina went into a growth spurt. Which meant ten minute naps every hours or so with wailing sobs in between.

i was exhausted.

So much so that Jungkook told me that he didn’t want to pick Mina up from Seokjin’s place till the next day.

It was a little past one in the morning when I finally trudged into the apartment. Jungkook wasn’t black out drunk but he was definitely a little loose limbed, eyes just a shade more glassy than usual.

“Tonight went well. I’m thinking the guy from Macau is definitely going to consider investing.” He muttered, gripping the door frame and taking off his shoes.

I toed my own heels off, feeling upset and bereft.

“Why would you tell Jin oppa that we’ll get Mina in the morning? She’s not used to being away the whole night.” I complained, feeling jittery and nervous because the house felt so empty and strange .

I didn’t like the idea of being alone with Jungkook without the buffer of his daughter between us. The house felt foreign, the walls seemingly closer together , the space to cramped.

Jungkook dropped his keys in the bowl and tugged on his tie, watching me carefully.

“It’s too late and Jin hyung said she was already asleep. He’ll drop her off in the morning. Just relax. Would you like a drink?”

I stared at him.

What now?

He looked nervous and a tad worried.

Swallowing , I shook my head, turning on my heel.

“I’m going to bed.” I was almost at the door to the nursery when he grabbed my arm, seemingly moving faster than I could breathe.

“Wait, Heejin… “ He stopped, worrying his lip between his teeth before sighing, “I… I need to say something..” He finished and I exhaled sharply.

I tugged on my arm but he wouldn’t let go.

“Jungkook , let me go.” I said sharply. “ I’m not in the mood tonight . You aren’t drunk now and I’m running out of reasons to excuse your actions.”

His hold on my arm relaxed but he didn’t let go.

“Namjoon hyung told me about that new therapist.... Kim Taehyung?? . I don’t think it’s a good idea.” He said roughly.

I sighed, defeated. It was expected and yet it stung. I wondered if perhaps I was just beating a dead horse at this point. But Mina deserved to have a father who loved her with all his heart and Jungkook’s heart was so filled with grief it had no place for his daughter. If there was any chance I could help change that, I would take it.

I tugged my arm away again and this time he let go.

I tried to smile encouragingly. it was hard because i was all out of comfort, my own exhaustion too overwhelming at the moment.

So I took a deep breath and reached out to lightly touch his arm.

“Listen, no one’s asking you to make a decision tonight, Jungkook.” I tried to smile a bit more widely but it probably came out as a grimace, “ Just sleep on it and think about why you think it isn’t a good idea. Taehyung’s an alpha and he may understand you better. Think about it and you can let Namjoon know later.”

He didn’t reply, merely staring at me till I began to feel a little hot around the collar.

“Well, Good night then.” I made to turn away but he grabbed me again, this time by my wrist.

“Wait.”

Patience wearing just a little thin, I stared at him, waiting as he requested.

“I’m sorry about what I said that night. At the party last week. About you not being her mother. I shouldn’t have said that.”

It was the first time he had apologized for anything.

It took me a second to even remember what he was talking about.

“Alright. I’m not mad. And I understand why you said it. Its fine. And you’re right. I’m not her mother and I should be more careful. ”

He nodded and then stepped back.

“ I’m sorry. For a lot of things. ” He bowed awkwardly and I could only stare at him, shaking my head. The apologies were somehow both welcome and abhorrent to me.

They were the kind of apology you would offer a stranger. And that made them insincere because I wasn’t a stranger. I’d been through too much these past few months, to be treated that way.

For now I could only accept them at face value.

“ Its alright. Just go to bed Jungkook. And listen to Namjoon oppa . I know you don’t trust me but you should trust him. He only wants what’s best for you. ”

I sounded twenty years older than I actually was and grimaced.

"There’s one more thing. Can I... I need... “ He stopped and stared at the floor.

I felt a huge sense of foreboding rise up at that.

“Are you going to pull the i paid for your body card? “ I said bitterly. “ You made it very clear that i can’t say no. I don’t see why you’re bothering to-”

“You can say no.” He said softly. “ You can say no.”

And then he looked up at with limpid doe eyes, shining with all the stars in the galaxy and I wanted to sob at the unfairness of it all.

“ And if I say no, where will you go? To a brothel? you’ll come back smelling like another beta or omega and you can’t come near your daughter till it fades. Which is what? A week? “

Jungkook didn’t say anything and I felt helpless.

“Is that why you sent her away tonight?” I demanded and he looked genuinely surprised.

“What? No. Of course not . i just...You looked exhausted. I thought you’d like a night off. And just... I don’t want to have sex. Can you just sleep with me. I just... I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“What’s so special about tonight?” i rolled my eyes already moving to his bedroom instead of the nursery.

He stared at me for a few seconds, eyes empty in the dark of the hallway.

I waited a whole minute before sighing. This was excruciating and my heels hurt from wearing heels all evening. i wanted to curl into the air mattress on the floor of the nursery , possibly lie sleepless till dawn and then drive down to pick Mina up from Jin’s place.

“Jungkook , let’s just go to bed and forget-”

“Its her birthday.”

I barely heard him, his lips barely moved and his voice was so low.

I stared at him. Not sure if I’d misheard.

“What?”

“Its her birthday. “ He repeated.

“You can say her name.” i said calmly. “ You’re not betraying her by saying her name out loud in front of me.”

He went a little stiff at that and i wanted to kick myself for the remark. What a hypocrite I was. I’d reprimanded Namjoon for trying to dictate Jungkook’s grief and here I was , doing the exact same thing.

“I’m sorry. God, Jungkook... I’m sorry. i shouldn’t have said that. i didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me.. I... of course you don’t have to be alone. Should i call Namjoon oppa? Or Jimin?” I asked gently.

“It’s Sooah’s birthday.” He was still staring at the floor, apparently he hadn’t heard a word I’d said.

I had a sudden flash of memory, remembering that Jungkook used to sing. He had sung at his wedding seven years ago. Serenaded his wife as she walked down the aisle. I had been young then but i remembered thinking how evident his love was in every syllable sung .

Something i could hear even now, in the way he said her name.

“Okay. What would you like to do? I... I can make seaweed soup.” I said softly. “ We can go see her if you like?”

He stared at me.

“I want to go alone.” He said finally.

I hesitated.

“I’ll drive you. i’ll stay in the car. You can’t drive.” I reminded him.

Jungkook’s driver’s license had been suspended after one too many traffic violations. I drove him around often .

He didn’t reply, staring out of the huge bay windows and i sighed.

“Alright... Why don’t you go change into something more comfortable yeah? i’ll get the soup going and we, “ i bit my lips, “ , I’m sorry, And you can go see her. “ I smiled, before moving to the kitchen and grabbing the dried seaweed. I soaked it in cold water, before getting the beef, garlic, soy sauce, salt and pepper and the sesame oil from the cupboards.

Ten minutes later, the soup was boiling away and I peered out at the door leading to his bedroom. I was still wearing the cocktail gown and my head was beginning to throb. I oved to the nursery and stripped quickly, slipping on my white t shirt and a pair of pink corduroy shorts.

I would be in the car anyway. By the time i finished taking off all my make up, the soup was done and Jungkook was slumped over the counter. He looked drained, more so than usual . In fact he looked notably worse than how he was ten minutes ago.

Torn between the urge to draw him into my arms and the helpless knowledge that he would absolutely hate me touching him , i merely hovered near the stove, pouring the stove into a small airtight container.

On a whim I moved to the cupboard in the corner that housed all the crockery and threw it open.

“What was her favorite bowl?” I said casually, staring at him.

He blinked, staring at me like i was speaking a foreign tongue.

“Her favorite bowl , Jungkook The one she always drank or ate from?”

He swallowed but leaned his palms down on the granite countertop, levering himself off the tall stool of the kitchen island and making his way over to me. I stepped back, giving him space to peer into the depths of the black marble shelves.

He finally stuck a hand in and drew out a pale yellow and mauve bowl , a little worn but intact.

He held it carefully, running his fingers gently over the bowl, savoring the surface his wife had once caressed with her own fingers. I watched as his lips curved, a pale pale imitation of a smile but a smile nonetheless and I felt my breath catch in my throat.

This was probably the first time he’d smiled in the three months i’d known him.

My heart began to pound, a steady staccato that began rising in volume and i willed myself to stay calm.

“I..uh.. I can wash it for you.” I said softly .

The smile disappeared as quickly as it had come and he stared at my outstretched hand like it was a snake .

Face almost eerily blank he cleared his throat.

“I’ll do it.”

i watched as he moved to wash the bowl under the spray from the faucet and finished clearing up the kitchen. i grabbed a small bag to keep the sea wood soup in and held the bag open when Jungkook finished washing the bowls. He grabbed a fresh kitchen towel and carefully wiped down the moisture before wrapping the bowl in the towel and keeping it inside the bag, carefully.

I smiled and zipped the bag shut.

“Lets go shall we?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I sat waiting in the car, staring out into the darkness of the parking lot, while the rain poured torrents outside the glass windows of the car. I felt unaccountably alone, like I was the only human being left on the planet.

It had been a little past an hour since Jungkook had disappeared into the building that held his wife’s ashes. I wasn’t sure if i should give him a call. Had he fallen asleep in there.

I told myself I would wait another hour and if he didn’t come out, I would go check on him.

I dozed lightly against the window, exhaustion beginning to creep in. I wanted to sob at how tired i was. I could have gotten a full nights sleep, something i hadn’t had since the day I took Mina into my arms.

But then, i remembered the tiny smile that had sprung up on his face and i grinned despite myself. That was progress wasn’t it? It definitely was. I was sure that if only Jungkook could be convinced to go meet Taehyung , the alpha therapist, things could get so much better for him. I wanted to have him at least halfway to being ..... capable of handling his own daughter, before i left him. if not the worry alone would eat me alive.

I was just getting ready to perhaps climb over the console and nap in the backseat when my phone rang.

I glanced at the dashboard, frowning. it was two thirty in the morning.

Who?

I grabbed my phone from the bag and my heart leapt to my throat.

“Jin? What’s wrong? What happened to her?” I could feel my heart threatening to give out, any number of terrible possibilities running through my head in a vicious loop.

“nothing happened, Heejin , take a deep breath... She’s just running a fever. it was quite low earlier but its hitting 101 now and I’m getting a little worried. I’ve given her cold baths and kept a wet towel on her but it doesn’t seem to be coming down.”

“We’ll be there in ten minutes! “ i said quickly.

“I’m sorry, Heejinah, i don’t have any experience with babies and-”

“it’s alright...thank you for calling me oppa!” i hung up , already fumbling with the door and stepping out into the rain. i was soaked through in three second flat. What a day to wear a white t shirt.

I ran quickly, stumbling a little on the gravel pathway and hoping to God i was going the right way. I ran into the foyer, the poor security guard falling asleep over his desk glancing up at me in sympathy.

“there was a man here earlier?”

“Second floor third room.” He said casually.

I nodded, already rushing for the steps. I climbed the four flights of stair in two minutes, my heart threatening to give out. I found Jungkook in the room , kneeling on the floor and he looked at me in shock that swiftly turned to anger.

“Jungkook-” i gasped because the run up had robbed me of my breath.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He moved so quickly I could barely blink before he was right up in front of me.

“Jungkook, I... We need...” I tried to draw a breath in but before I could form the words he grabbed my arm, so hard that I whimpered in pain.

“I told you i wanted to be alone, what the fuck is your fucking problem?!” He snarled.

“Jungkook-” Before i could finish, he yanked me just a bit closer to him before shoving me out of the room with his wife’s portraits and the small ornate vase that held her ashes.

it wasn’t that hard.

He didn’t push me in a very brutal way.

In fact it was probably with lesser force than what anyone slamming a door would use.

But,

Jungkook was six feet two. He weighed a 170 pounds.

I was a hundred pounds wet and barely came up to his shoulders.

And it was just my luck that the wall opposite to the door had a large concrete and granite horse figurine placed right in front of it.

I crashed into the torso of the equine, my bones rattling inside me and I whimpered when my wrist made contact with the hard surface, bending a bit out of place.

I slid to the floor in a wet lump, trying to catch my breath and process what had just happened.

Jungkook stood frozen by the door horrified as he stared at his hands, as thought he couldn’t quite fathom what he had just done.

A sharp burning pain began in my sides and I gasped out.

“Oh, fuck.” I swore.

Jungkook moved to help me up but i was already crawling away from him, scrambling to my feet, ignoring the ache in my side.

“I’m sorry.” I said softly, holding both my hands up. “ It’s Mina...she’s running a fever. We need to go get her.”

“Heejin-ah, I’m...”

One more apology and i would officially lose it, i thought slightly hysterically.

“its my fault.” I said sharply, “ I should have probably tried calling you from the car instead of barging in like this but Jin called and i got worried...I wasn’t thinking straight so I’m sorry about that... I think we should go get her as soon as we can.”

“Did i hurt you?” He demanded , reaching out for me again and I nearly fell again trying to move away from his touch.

“No.. No I’m fine.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you sure, we don’t have to go the doctor.? “ He asked nervously, watching me carefully wipe down her body with the slightly damp wet cloth. I nodded, carefully squeezing the water out before dipping the towel in water again.

“She’ll be fine. Her fever’s come down and with babies this young, its safer to care for them at home than to take them to a hospital.” I said casually,

“I wasn’t talking about her.” He said stiltedly.

I blinked, staring up at him in surprise.

“What?”

“I think we should go to the doctor. You fell hard. ”

“Jungkook what are you even on about?” I said crossly, steadfastly ignoring the pain in my sides. It was sharp and unbearable with every breath I took in but I was too terrified to go to the hospital and have them tell me I’d cracked my rib or something.

Partly because that would be so inconvenient.

Partly because Jungkook would probably go back to being a guilt ridden shadow of himself if that happened.

“I’m going to call Yoongi hyung.”

Before I could protests some more he was already on his feet, moving to the living room.

Yoongi arrived thirty minutes later , annoyed and sleepy, dressed in a soft white t shirt and stone wash jeans.

“It’s four thirty in the morning , she better be dying Jungkook..” He rasped out near the front door and i flinched at the murderous tone to his voice.

Suddenly , i hoped desperately that my ribs had cracked.

Yoongi stepped in , staring at me . He took in the mess of quilts i sat on and sighed.

“Come here and take your shirt off.” He said gruffly.

I blinked, feeling blood rush to my face. Was he always this handsome? Hating the very unwelcome flutter of nerves, I moved to stand in front of him, grabbing the hem of my t shirt .

But the movement jolted my rib and pain sharp and lancing shot through my side. I yelped and dropped my hand again breathing harshly which only seemed to make things worse.

I swallowed and Yoongi blinked, reaching out to gently grip my elbows.

“Hey...relax ... “ He said gently.

I felt the press of a warm chest at my back.

“Let me help hyung.” Jungkook’s voice rumbled through my body, his chin brushing the top of my head and he bent over me from the back, fingers gripping the hem of my shirt and carefully lifting it up to just above the curve of my breasts.

Yoongi was staring at Jungkook over my shoulders expression unreadable.

“So you do know how to act after all.” He commented drily and I heard Jungkook inhale sharply behind me.

“Hyung...” He said sharply, and Yoongi merely rolled his eyes.

“How did this happen?” He ran slender fingers all over my skin, feeling each dent and dip carefully.

“I ..uh.. I sort of fell into a statue? It was made of concrete and quite heavy.”

His face shifted into a frown.

“Jungkook , tell me you didn’t push her.” He said sharply and I jumped a bit.

“No...he didn’t.” i said sharply and Yoongi ignored me , staring right at the alpha behind me.

“I didn’t mean to.” He said finally.

“You broke her rib, kid.”

I groaned in defeat. Behind me Jungkook stiffened.

“It was an accident.” I said sharply and Yoongi gave me an unimpressed look.

“If i had a won for every wife that told me that.”

“It was my fault and-” I shut my mouth. I did sound like the poster child for abused wife in denial.

“Relax... I’m not going to send your handsome husband to prison.” He chuckled. “ This time.” He added, giving Jungkook another glare.

“It won’t happen again. ever. “ Jungkook’s voice shook a little.

I sighed, already imagining the self flagellation that was probably going on inside the alpha’s head.

Yoongi’s voice drew me out of my head.

“Its not a break. It looks like a crack which is easier to heal. But i still want you to come in tomorrow. We’ll get it x rayed. Its going to take a couple of months to heal.”

I gaped.

“Months?”

“As long as you take it easy you’ll be fine. Now where’s the little one?”

Yoongi dropped off a small bottle of pediatric paracetamol and told me to keep an eye on her temperature before bidding us goodbye.

Once the door closed behind him, Jungkook turned to me , eyes wide and lips parted.

“If you apologize , I’m going to throw this at your face.” i said calmly, fingers closing over the neck of the ceramic vase on the table.

Jungkook blinked.

“I’m sorry. “ He said nonetheless and I sighed, pulling my hands away.

How fitting. Neither of us could act out of character.

Jungkook couldn’t stop blaming himself for everything under the sun.

I just couldn’t bring myself to hurt him in any way.

“Just go to bed , Jungkook. I’ll be fine.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : As always the pain is here and probably going to get worse. But Jungkook seems to be turning mildly human so let’s see if he can keep that up. Also handsome pediatric doctor Yoongi as second lead because i like to torture myself.

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#bts smut #bts smut fic #bts fanfic #bts fics #jungkook fics #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook #jungkook alpha #alpha jungkook #jungkook abo #bts abo fic #bts abo au

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heyyyharry · 3 years

Text

Happier

(inspired by happier by Olivia Rodrigo)

Word count: 2.4k

I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

Part 1: Drivers License

Part 2: Deja Vu

A/N: I edited the original lyrics to match the POV :)

Harry had come up with a thousand scenarios of how this day would play out. Actually, he’d been thinking of this day since the moment he’d received the news. He didn’t dare to hope that she’d say yes to coming back for a sequel. He’d been sure that they would write her character off, give a lame excuse for how his love interest could not make a return and make his character forget about her completely to move on with a new girl in town. It would have been great if it was that easy in real life. Once someone was written off the script, they were gone for good. Real-life relationships were not that simple. Goodbye didn’t mean ‘never see you again’. You would still share the same friend circle and social bubbles, and it was worse when you two worked in the same industry. Harry didn’t know how he’d lasted a year without running into her, not since the Grammys.

“Didn’t you two date?”

“No.” Harry shook his head, but his eyes stayed glued on Y/N from across the room. She wasn’t looking his way, too busy saying hello to everyone else. “No,” he repeated, more to himself than to his co-star. “We didn’t.”

“But she wrote an entire album about you,” said the other twin. What was her name again? Lulu?

“Luna!” cried her sister, Lex. “You can’t ask him that!”

“No, it’s okay,” Harry said with a tight smile, slightly annoyed by the blonde twins, but he didn’t want to seem like an ass on the first day of filming. “And I don’t know if it was for me. You should ask Y/N.”

“Ask me what?”

Harry flinched when he looked up and saw Y/N padding towards them. She hugged the twins, who seemed way too excited. Harry guessed they were Y/N’s fans. They gave off crazy fangirl vibes, probably just pretending not to know the drama to interrogate him. He couldn’t blame them for assuming he was the villain and definitely could not blame Y/N for portraying him as one. It was more important that he knew who he was and how much he had changed since his last relationship. Maybe they could finally be friends.

“Were they bothering you?” Y/N asked him once the twins had left.

Harry nodded. “They’re your friends?”

“Oh, I met them last year on tour. I’m surprised you don’t know them. They were on Disney.”

“I don’t watch Disney,” Harry admitted with a smile. “Well, not today’s Disney.”

“Understandable.” Y/N nodded and bit her lip. She seemed guarded with her straight back and hands hidden behind her. She eyed him up and down, quite subtle yet noticeable. “How have you been?”

“Pretty good,” he said, nodding slowly. “You?”

“Yeah, but mostly tired because of tour.”

“You’re done?”

“Yup, last night was the last show.”

“Nice.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow. “Nice?”

Harry blinked. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No.” Y/N giggled. “You still sound very...you.”

“Well, shouldn’t I?”

“Yeah, you should. But it’s been a year so…I mean, you haven’t changed much.”

“Right,” he said lowly, his eyes falling to his feet. Harry supposed he should say something else, perhaps bringing up another random topic to discuss, but all he could think about was what had happened between them. Things had been messy, hadn’t they? How could they go back to before that? Before her first song about him. Before he’d chosen someone else over her.

Or he could talk about her new relationship. She’d been in a happy relationship for almost six months, right? No wait, hadn’t they broke up two weeks ago? He wasn’t sure because he hadn’t been catching up. If they’d broken up, he’d sound like an ass to even mention her ex’s name. He should just stay quiet.

“I’ll see you later?” she said, gesturing at her stylist who was waiting by the door.

Harry could ask her right now -- the reason she’d agreed to film the sequel to their first movie together. He’d heard from a very reliable source that she’d specifically asked her agent to decline any project that he was in. So did this mean they were good? That she didn’t hate him anymore? He could have gathered his courage and got the answer right then…

“Yeah, see you.”

...but he didn’t.

And so she gave him a smile and a little wave, then happily returned to her stylist.

“See you tomorrow, Y/N!”

“See you, Annie!” Y/N said as she put the rest of her things into her tote bag. Her new driver had got her schedule mixed up, and so she had to wait here for another half an hour. She was in no rush. It had been a light first day, and she’d had a fun time getting to know the new cast members and catching up with old friends.

She sat on the sofa in the lobby, legs crossed, texting her best friend about her day. She’d purposely left out the short off-screen conversation with Harry, and her best friend didn’t even bother to ask. In their world, he didn’t exist, and his name was censored in every conversation like a curse word that was even worse than ‘cunt’. Nevertheless, she didn’t hate him anymore. She was doing just fine on her own, being busy with her career, and she’d been in a happy relationship after her fall out with him.

She and the guy, a model, had broken up two weeks ago due to long distance and some differences that they could not change. They had ended on good terms and decided to stay friends. They said you could only stay friends with your ex when you still had feelings for each other, or you had never loved each other that much in the first place. For her, it was probably the latter. Her previous relationship had been more platonic than romantic, apparently. So she had nothing but the best to say about him.

As she was going through her camera roll, just reminiscing about the past, she heard footsteps approaching and looked up to find Harry. He offered a smile and gestured to the spot beside her on the sofa. “May I sit here? My ride is late.”

“Yeah, sure.” She hurriedly scooted over.

“Good job today,” he said. “You were great.”

“Thanks, so were you.” She smiled, and they both looked away at the same time. This was so awkward. She hated small talk. She’d never had to have small talk with Harry. Conversations with him used to be so easy and natural and silly. Whatever this was, it wasn’t them.

“Can we just be normal?”

At first, Y/N thought she’d been the one who’d said it, so when she realised it’d been Harry, she was speechless.

He swallowed and sat a bit straighter, still not looking at her. “I don’t want us to be weird and awkward.”

“Okay,” she said.

He cleared his throat. “Wanna try again?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Okay, not to sound like an ass but when Joey kept forgetting his lines, I was so pissed off, I could throw a chair at the wall.”

“Right?!” exclaimed Y/N, feeling free to have finally broken out of her shell. “Like, he doesn’t even have many lines. I know he’s new but damn...you can’t get far if you don’t learn your goddamn lines.”

Harry shook with laughter. “Oh God, we sound like dicks, don’t we?”

“Maybe.” Y/N laughed, covering her mouth. “But you know what? We can’t be nice in this industry. It’s impossible.”

“Shhh, if someone heard this, we would be into big trouble.”

“Oh please, I’ve had worse articles written about me than ‘Y/N speaks facts about her lazy co-star’.”

Harry tossed his head back and cackled. “The worst one I’ve got this week was ‘Harry Styles hates therapists.’”

“What?!” Y/N gasped. “No way! That’s so stupid!”

“Right?” Harry rolled his eyes. “I could get all my therapists to speak up for me but I’m kinda immune to bullshit now.”

“Therapists? Like plural?”

“Yeah, one in every city.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.”

Y/N rubbed her hands onto her legs. “Rough year?”

Harry’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as he leaned back. “You have no idea.” Then he swept his hair out of his eyes, sucked in a breath, and finally looked at her. “I wish I could have talked to you, though.”

She bit her tongue, knowing what she was about to say next would disappoint her best friend so much, but she had to. “So do I.”

Harry looked taken aback before his lips curled into a smile. “It’s silly, isn’t it? I haven’t talked to you in a year, and I feel like I know everything that’s happened to you except that I don’t.”

What he’d just said might make no sense for most people, but Y/N knew exactly what he meant. She nodded and wetted her lip. “You only know as much as everyone else does.”

“Yeah, I got updates on you from the news and our friends.”

“Same.” Y/N smiled back. “I hate how they write articles about your new haircut but not mine.”

“I like your new hair colour.”

“Thanks. I like your new car.”

Then they both burst out laughing. It was fun and also a little bit strange that Y/N didn’t feel the same anxiety talking to him as she used to. It must be because they had grown and were now meeting again as better people.

“Damn, my ride's here,” Y/N said as she read the text from her driver. “I gotta go now.”

“Oh, okay.” Harry stood up and followed Y/N to the entrance. “Hey, just wondering--”

“Yeah?”

“Am I...am I still blocked?” He looked a bit flustered as she tilted her head and squinted her eyes. “On your phone. Because I remember you having my number blocked--”

“I unblocked you on your birthday.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah.” Y/N shrugged. “I should’ve sent you a happy birthday text but...I didn’t want your girlfriend to get the wrong ideas.”

“My ex.”

“Yeah, I know.”

They smiled at each other one last time before saying goodbye. Y/N knew it was silly, but she was hoping he would go after her.

Ding.

A notification popped up when she was in the car. She was almost home, and it was from Harry’s number. He’d sent her a link with a message that said, “Hope you like it :)”.

Curious, she tapped on it and was directed to an audio file titled ‘Track 5’. The upload date was last year. About two weeks after their short conversation at the Grammys.

Hurriedly, she fumbled inside her bag for her iPods and put it on before she pressed play.

“Hey, Jeff, I couldn’t sleep so I wrote this song. Listen and let me know if it should go on the album.”

Then came the piano intro. It sounded good, so Y/N wondered how it hadn’t ended up on his last album.

But when he started to sing...

We ended a while ago Your friends are mine, you know, I know You've moved on, found someone new One more guy who brings out the better in you

And I thought my heart was detached From all the sunlight of our past But he’s so nice, he’s so funny Does he mean you forgot about me?

Oh, I hope you're happy But not like how you were with me I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

And does he tell you you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen? An eternal love bullshit he might not even mean Remember when you were with me I meant it when you heard it first from me

And now I'm pickin' him apart Like cuttin' him down will make you miss my wretched heart But he’s charming, he looks kind He probably gives you butterflies

I hope you're happy But not like how you were with me I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better

I hope you're happy I wish you all the best, really Say you love him, baby Just not like you loved me And think of me fondly when your hands are on him I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

The song was for her. He’d written it when her new relationship had gone public. Y/N sat there, staring blankly ahead until the honking of a car tore open her inner peace, and reality came crashing back in. The driver dropped her off at her house. Instead of going inside, she stood on her front steps and replayed the song one more time. When it ended, she decided to text him: Why didn’t this make it to the album?

She didn’t know where he was now, but it showed ‘typing’ in less than a second, as if he’d been waiting in their chat since he’d sent that link.

You would’ve hated me, Y/N.

True, she replied. Still, I would’ve loved the song lowkey. And added, I love it btw.

He took so long to type that it was driving her crazy. She flopped down on the concrete stair with her phone clutched in her hands, her heart thundering against her ribcage. Anxiety popped like a balloon when his message appeared: Were you happier?

She reread it again and again.

No.

I wasn’t either, he responded. I kept getting deja vu.

Ha, nice reference.

That song is my guilty pleasure. Love listening to you roasting me on loop.

That last message made Y/N bury her face into her palm and giggle like a fool. She thought for a second and wrote: I could come roast you in person now if that’s what you prefer. I think we’ve never had a proper roasting.

Can we meet, Y/N? Or are you busy now?

No, not busy.

Great, I’ll pick you up.

Just tell me where, she responded with a smile on her face. I got my drivers license now :)

#harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles writing #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles angst #harry styles one shot #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles fic

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thebeautyoffanfics · 3 years

Note

Hey there Savi.. could i request a kou,mitsuba and tsukasa x reader where their s/o gets bullied alot?? I've been struggling with it recently and now that school is going to start again im dreading it .. thank you in advance <3

kou minamoto x gn!reader, mitsuba sousuke x gn!reader, tsukasa yugi x gn!reader

a/n: of course!! I’m really sorry that you’ve had experiences like that, but I also genuinely hope that this year will be better! You’ve got this-!! And don’t be afraid to ask for help <3 you’re so so welcome, tho I’m sure schools probably started by now, therefore I’m super sorry for the time this took- and thank you so much for requesting <3

Waaaaaah i’m also sorry if it’s OOC, cos I know Tsukasa’s at least is;;; writer’s block is aaaaaaah-;; I’ve genuinely been writing this since September 19th,,,,

warnings: bullying

word count: 2,044

kou minamoto <3

You glanced at your phone screen, the date flashing up at you. It was depressing. Thoughts of previous years danced in your head, as you shut your phone back off. You currently stood outside of your school, “open house” finally over. School was starting back in just a few days. Your days of freedom could be counted on one hand… this was, by far, one of your least favorite times of the year.

“(Y/N)! Do you still want to walk to the park?” Kou questioned, running up beside you. You nodded, hoping that spending time with your boyfriend would get your mind off of school, and memories related to such. As the two of you began to walk, you could practically feel the question on the tip of Kou’s tongue. He always made himself rather obvious- his hands fidgeted a bit, his gaze lowering to the ground.

“Say, (Y/N)... you seem sad. Is it because school’s starting back?”

You thought for a moment, unsure of how to put it. He certainly wasn’t wrong…

“Yeah, that’s basically it… last year was just… not a good year, haha.”

“Oh? Well, I’m sure this one will be better!! If you want, we can make a list or something? All the bad things about last year can be something we change this year-!”

Despite bitterly knowing that it wasn’t exactly something within your realm of control, you laughed a bit. “That’s… insanely corny, Kou. I didn’t say a terrible idea- just… corny.”

When you glanced up at him, you noticed his red face, as he blurted out an excuse. A moment of fumbling over his words passed, before he gave up, glancing off to the side once more.

“Wh-whatever- I mean, just… like, tell me what’s wrong, if you want to. And I’ll try to help. Alright?”

“It’s really not something either of us can help, Kou.”

“So? I’m your boyfriend,” He seemed a bit embarrassed to say, most likely not used to pulling that sort of card, “If you don’t want to tell me, I can’t make you. But, if you’re alright with telling me, I want to know. Either way, I’m here for you...”

“Ah… I know it, Kou. Honestly, I just… dealt with some bullying last year, so I’m really not looking forward to this year. No matter how much I hear ‘oh, the bully does it to feel better about themself’, it’s just emotionally… hm, awful, you know?”

“Oh… I understand, (Y/N). I do remember some people picking on me, since I have a big brother like Teru- it’s not fun at all. Here!! I’ll stay with you, 24/7! Sit with me during classes, and I’ll hang out with you during free time!” “Thanks, Kou- but we probably won’t have every class together.”

“Then- just tell me if something happens during the class,” He spoke, crossing his arms rather seriously. “I’ll talk with the teacher! Easy peasy!!”

A moment passed, before Kou took your hand, looking at the ground, then back up with you. His eyebrows were furrowed just slightly, his eyes not as wide as they usually were. Kou was being serious- as serious as his sweet mind could let him be. He almost seemed to resemble his big brother even more- when the two were serious.

“If something happens, tell me, okay? I mean it. I don’t want this year to be bad for you- as your friend and boyfriend! Let me do what I can to help, alright?”

You blinked a bit. Kou’s words were so sincere, you felt your heart beat a bit quicker. “A-alright. Thank you, Kou. I really mean it.” You spoke, bringing the boy into a hug to hide whatever sort of expression you were making.

“Of course! You don’t need to thank me, (Y/N). I’m happy to try and help-!”

mitsuba sousuke <3

“(Y/N), if you don’t tell me what’s wrong, I’ll give you something to complain about.”

Ah, Mitsuba… he spoke, his arms crossed as he sat next to you, silently noticing your slightly disheveled clothes. Judging by the slightly down look you wore, too many things were now adding up. Something was bothering you, and he was bound and determined to find out what it was.

“Mitsuba, it’s okay, really. Here! Let’s eat, I’m starving!” You opened up your bento box, sliding one his way, and sticking the chopsticks into your mouth. Though you hummed happily, Mitsuba was… in Detective Mode, to put it lightheartedly. Your every move was being analyzed, as he tried his best to figure out what was wrong. Your eyebrows furrowed, as you swallowed a bit harder than usual.

“What’s the point of lying to me, dummy? If you aren’t hungry, it’s probably because whatever is bothering you is ruining your appetite. Talk to me. I’m serious.”

You sighed, feeling as if the food was stuck in your throat. Or maybe your throat simply felt as though it had a lump in it…? Either way, you were painfully aware of the unpleasant feeling. Along with the creeping suspicion that Mitsuba wasn’t going to leave this alone. Was he good at reading people?? Were you just easy to read…? Or maybe, he was just far too accustomed to the way you reacted to things. Able to focus in on the little things, especially when he wanted to. Perhaps it was the talent of a photographer? Being able to read the entire picture??

Perhaps you were thinking too much into it, desperate for a way to get your mind off of the things going on around you.

“I’m just… dealing with some stuff.”

“Well, duh. What kind of stuff?”

You kept your gaze glued to the floor, fiddling absentmindedly with the chopsticks. You knew you could confide in Mitsuba… yet, something about it felt practically impossible. What would happen if you told him? Could he do anything? He was merely a ghost…

“Oi, I asked a question. Listen, and listen well, you idiot- I know I can’t solve all your problems, but I can at least listen- which is what you’d better be doing right now. You listen to me, though who wouldn’t want to is beyond me, so I can at least do the same. I’m not your therapist, but I am your boyfriend.”

Those words danced around in your mind for a bit, as you considered how to put it. For a moment, you simply nodded, letting Mitsuba know you heard- and were acknowledging- what he said. A few more moments passed before you began to speak.

“Lately, there have been some students… picking on me, I guess. It’s… discouraging, and makes school feel like a living nightmare. You’re the only good thing in my day at this hellhole.”

“Oh.”

You tightened your grip on the chopsticks, trying to read Mitsuba’s tone. Suddenly, it clicked- remembering Mitsuba mentioning being bullied for being “feminine” and “foul-mouthed”. He truly, genuinely, understood where you were coming from.

“I see, then… I’ll tell you what to do, (Y/N). Tell an adult, lame-o. I don’t give a flying flip about ‘oh, they won’t believe me’ or ‘what if the bullies blah blah.’ At least try it- it’s hard, but I don’t care about that either. Also, freaking ignore them. Obviously, you don’t want to pay them attention, so don’t.”

“Mitsuba, it’s not that easy-”

“I know. (Y/N), I’ve been in your shoes. Maybe it’s different- I dunno what kind of bullying they’re doing. Still, if you’re good enough for my standards, you know you’re at least worth something. So don’t let those low-lives get you down. I promise you, if I could, I’d give them a piece of my mind. But, since I can’t, just… do it yourself, or something. Don’t endure it, you rat.”

(“Mitsuba, all your insults lowkey feel like bullying-”

“Shut up, stupid-face, you can’t tell a teacher on a ghost. What’re you gonna say?? Waaaah, sensei, school mystery number 3 is calling me names!! Hah.”

“Tsuchigomori-sensei can see you, you know. And he teaches both Minamoto boys!”

“Lalalaaaa, I can’t hear you-”)

tsukasa yugi <3

Tsukasa… knows.

There was no other way to put it. You knew he knew, and you knew he was just waiting. A part of him wanted you to ask him for help- to confide in him, even if it took some pushing. He was… a bit different in that sense- I mean, how was he to know you didn’t enjoy being bullied? Was it the same way he felt when Amane looked at him with such hatred?

“(Y/N)!! What’s with such a sad look?? Did you get a bad test grade?” Tsukasa questioned, floating alongside you as you entered the broadcasting room. You simply shook your head, placing your bookbag on the floor, then standing back up.

“It’s just been a day, Tsu,” You added, taking a seat near Sakura. As you did, she pushed a cup of tea your way, her gaze as it usually was. She looked right through you, as if you were nothing but a ghost. Still, it was a much better look than the ones given by the bullies. Muttering a ‘thank you’, you lifted the cup, fiddling with it slightly.

“If there’s something bothering you, feel free to share it,” Sakura spoke, her gaze staying on you, then finally closing as she sipped from her cup.

“If there’s something bothering you, share it.” Tsukasa added, placing his head on your shoulder and staring at your eyes. His gaze drifted to your hands when you brought the cup to your lips, then over to your throat as you struggled to swallow.

“Runt, if you don’t back away from them, you’ll the the one bothering them,” Natsuhiko spoke, raising his eyebrows at Tsukasa, then offering you a slightly concerned look. His expression was enough for you to know he wanted to know if you were alright- to which you shrugged, reaching up and patting the side of Tsukasa’s face.

“Don’t worry, guys. I’ll be fine, really.”

Sakura pondered for a moment, before standing. “Mitsuba, would you like to walk with me? I should go grab something.”

Mitsuba, who had been sitting off to the side- glanced up, his usual puppy-like expression on his face. “Sure,” He replied, standing up, practically in sync with Natsuhiko.

“I’ll go as well, my lady!”

Oh. She’s doing that on purpose.

Your eyes followed the trio as they left the room, and you could feel Tsukasa’s eyes still stuck on you. The moment the door shut, he spoke. “(Y/N), tell me what’s wrong. You don’t seem to enjoy being miserable!”

“Am I supposed to?” “You’re miserable then? What’s wrong, c’mon!!”

“I didn’t say I was- just that I don’t think many people like it,” You spoke, taking another sip from the tea. The warmth of it made your throat feel hot, but it didn’t help the lump stuck in it.

“(Y/N). Just admit to me what’s wrong, and I’ll do what I can!”

You sighed, not wanting to grow frustrated. Tsukasa was… trying. He just didn’t understand everything- the boy who enjoyed seeing people wear normally unpleasant expressions, of course he wouldn’t personally understand. He wanted to help you, but how could a ghost help? Much less, the ghost of a boy such as him?

“(Y/N)-” “I’m just dealing with some bullies. It’s fine, Tsukasa- I’ll figure something out.”

“I’ll kill them <3”

“Tsu-”

Tsukasa stepped away from you, crossing his arms. “So, (Y/N), you don’t like it when people bully you? I’ll take care of it! Promise!” “Stop it right there, Mr. Only-grants-wishes-for-the-dead. Don’t ‘take care of them.’ I just need to get enough confidence to tell a teacher or something…”

Tsukasa paused, pouting his lips slightly, before nodding. Quickly, he floated back over to you, and trapped you in a hug. His arms wrapped around you securely, making you feel rather safe for being in the arms of such a destructive boy. “Fine. I’ll go with you, then, (Y/N)! I’ll even hold your hand!! And I definitely won’t let those bullies bother you any more~.”

“Tsukasa, please, don’t do anything drastic-” “Whatever you say, (Y/N). You know I can’t go against the wishes of my cute partner~!”

#anon #gn!reader #x gn!reader #oneshot #tbhk #jshk #kou minamoto #mitsuba sousuke #tsukasa yugi #tbhk x reader #jshk x reader #toilet bound hanako kun #jibaku shounen hanako kun #toilet bound hanako kun x reader #jibaku shounen hanako kun x reader #kou minamoto x reader #mitsuba sousuke x reader #tsukasa yugi x reader

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dauntless-gothamite · 3 years

Text

Prove Them Wrong [5/?]

Fandom: Divergent Pairing: Eric Coulter x Fem! Reader Summary: Y/N is a Dauntless transfer from Erudite, and she has a drive, an ambition that sets her apart--it always has, even back in Erudite. She brings her perseverance (and need to prove others wrong) to Dauntless when she transfers, and she uses her mind to make her way through the initiation process. Along the way, she makes friends and enemies, and she finds herself comfortable around the man most people in Dauntless avoid at all costs: Eric Coulter. A/N: I am so glad people are enjoying this so far! I am having a great time writing it, and I am excited about the chapters that are yet to come. I’d love if you let me know what you think of this new chapter, but no pressure, enjoy!!

The next morning, as all the other transfers ran laps, you made your way to the infirmary for physical therapy. When you got there, the doctor who had stitched you up the day before waved at you in greeting. “Hello, Y/N, how is the leg doing?”

“Better than yesterday,” you replied with a small smile.

“Glad to hear it,” she replied. “You’ll be working with Andre today, he’s one of our physical therapists,” she said and pointed to Andre, who was standing a few feet away and waved.

“Alright, thanks,” you said and started walking towards Andre. “Nice to meet you,” you said and stuck out your hand.

“Likewise,” Andre said and shook your outstretched hand. “So the program I have designed for you focuses more on keeping your leg muscles engaged without running the risk of tearing your stitches open more than recovery because the injury is serious but ultimately, it is just a deep laceration.” You nodded in understanding, and he led you over to a stationary bike. “For the next half hour, you are going to ride this bike. I want you to work your leg muscles and cardio system, but do not put more strain on your legs than necessary, the last thing I want is to tear those stitches or for your leg to start bleeding. Here is a set of headphones that hook up to the bike’s electronic system; I know riding a stationary bike for half an hour can get boring, so feel free to listen to music while you work. I’ll come get you in half an hour, but you can call me over at any point.”

“Sounds good, thanks,” you said before getting on the bike and connecting the headphones to browse the music selection for a little while before settling on an upbeat song with a strong bass beat. Then you got to pedaling.

You were sweating--not as much as you did during regular training, but you were still getting a good workout in--when the thirty minutes ended. Andre walked over to you and helped you get off the bike, and it took you a second to adjust to the solid ground beneath your feet. “Good job,” Andre said. “It really seemed like you were pushing yourself while still respecting the boundaries set by the injury. That’s smart, if you keep this up, you’ll probably heal quickly. Most dauntless go all out and reinjure themselves, so it takes even longer to heal. But I see you have some brains, a good quality for future dauntless.”

“Thanks,” you beamed at him.

“Y/N,” someone said, waving you over from the entrance of the infirmary. You turned to see Four standing there, and you furrowed your brow; you were supposed to be at physical therapy for another half hour before going back to the training room.

“What’s going on?” you asked as you walked over to him, Andre right behind you.

“Eric changed the plan, we are working with crossbows today instead of fighting, and since you can participate in this, I came to get you while he explains what's going on to the other initiates,” he explained. “Although, perhaps leaving them alone with him wasn’t the best idea,” he said, half-joking, earning a smile from you.

“Alright, let’s go then. I’ll see you next time, Andre,” you said to the physical therapist as Four walked with you back to the training room. “So… what’s up,” you said to fill the awkward silence that settled between you and Four as you two walked. He looked at you, amused.

“Oh, you know. Training initiates.” You laughed at his bluntness.

“Right,” you chuckled. “So, why did Eric change the plan?” you asked cautiously.

“I’m not entirely sure,” Four shrugged. “Though I suspect it has to do with the fact that he’s particularly… grumpy today, and he probably wants to shoot arrows at someone.”

“Well, that does sound like a very real possibility,” you agreed, and the two of you reached the training room to see Eric walking up and down the line of initiates holding crossbows and aiming at targets, aggressively yanking them into the correct positions, yelling all the while.

“Finally,” he snapped as you picked up a bow and walked to the end of the line, lining yourself up with the target. You closed your eyes to prevent yourself from rolling them at his comment while he continued roughly moving arms and legs of different initiates, sometimes making them wince in shock, surprise at the force, pain, or all three. When he got to Tris, who was right next to you, he looked her up and down, moved her arms, and said “Back straight, initiate! With that posture, you’ll shoot yourself in the foot, assuming you even get the arrow out of the crossbow!” He waited for a second for her to move, but he quickly became frustrated and yelled to Four, “Four, you deal with this one, I’m going to catch Y/N up, since she has finally graced us with her presence,” he said sarcastically. Tris made eye contact with you, and you knew she was wishing you luck, making you smile a bit.

“Alright,” Eric said, turning to you. Turn sideways, aim down the line, legs shoulder distance apart. Don’t lock the knees, but stand straight. Non-dominant arm straight, other arm pulls the string back once the arrow is notched, pulling with the middle three fingers. Pull the string all the way back to your ear, look down the line, and shoot. Go,” he said, stepping back and watching with crossed arms. You took the stance Eric had described as well as possible, and Eric’s hands landed on your hips, turning them just the slightest bit. Then, as quickly as they had landed there, they were gone. “Same thing as with the punch, initiate. The angle of your hips matters; it’s where your legs and torso connect, so there’s a lot of power there. You can use your core to help your arm pull the string back further, allowing you to aim better and send a more forceful arrow.” You nodded, notching an arrow, pulling back, and looking down the arrow towards the target. Without hesitation, you released, and the arrow landed mere millimeters from the bull’s eye. “Good,” Eric nodded, walking away.

As you reached for the next arrow, Tris said, “What the hell just happened?”

“What do you mean?” you asked.

“Eric. He made us run fifty laps, then he changed up the plan and told us all to take an archery stance. Then, he walked up and down the line, pushing and pulling people into the right positions--I think he almost sprained Al’s shoulder! And then, just now, he just… what, turned your hips? No yanking or bending at unnatural angles or anything!”

“It’s probably just because I got injured yesterday and he doesn’t want to reopen the wound,” you shrugged.

“Maybe,” Tris said with a sigh. “But still, that was… weird.”

“As opposed to the way Four helped you?” you countered, and she blushed. If she thought you hadn’t noticed the way Four had helped her by taking a softer approach than Eric, she was in for a surprise.

“It’s better to try and get into a position you have a hard time with when you exhale,” she defended, knowing you’d heard Four’s suggestion of a quick breathing exercise.

“I know,” you smirked.

“Ugh, let’s just get back to shooting,” she said, and you laughed.

“You two, shut up and get shooting,” Eric’s voice called out, quieting your laughter and causing both Tris and yourself to fall silent. You both made eye contact though, took aim, and released your arrows at the same time, each sending a swift arrow into the center of your respective targets, pride for both yourself and your friend rising inside of you.

“Ten more minutes,” Four called out. “After that, you will retrieve your arrows, put your equipment away, and get to lunch. So give it your all!”

You took a deep breath, and each arrow you shot for the next ten minutes was aimed with extreme precision, resulting in a pretty crowded center of the target when Four called for everyone to stop. It also made the job of retrieving arrows easier since they were all in one area, which you were grateful for as you pulled each one out of the target.

As you and Tris walked over to the storage cabinets to put your bow and arrows away, Will and Christina jogged over to you guys, having already put their stuff away. “How was physical therapy this morning, Y/N,” Will asked as he came to a stop.

“It was good,” you replied, “I just rode a stationary bike so I could get a cardio workout and engage my leg muscles as well as my core in a more controlled setting.”

“That makes sense,” he nodded in approval. “I’m glad it went well. The rest of us had to run around here fifty times!”

“So I heard,” you said, still surprised at the number of laps your friends had run that morning. “And this one here,” he put an arm around Christina’s shoulders, “was one of the first people to finish!”

“Congratulations!” you said with a smile to Christina. She had set a goal for herself to improve her cardio, and it would seem she had reached it. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks,” she smiled, blushing slightly at the contact with Will. “So, wanna get out of here and grab some lunch?”

“That sounds great to me,” you nodded, ready to go.

“Y/N,” Eric said loudly from across the room as he strode towards you and your friends.

“Yes?”

“Before you go, I want to take a look at your leg; there’s a first-aid kit in here and I want to see if it needs cleaning seeing as you sweat earlier. The last thing I need to deal with is an infection.”

“Alright,” you said and walked over to the bench, your friends following you. You rolled up the leg of your sweatpants, and thankfully, the wound didn’t look too irritated.

Nodding, Eric said, “It looks good, but make sure to clean it well later. Use soap and water, and halfway through the day or between workouts, I would recommend disinfecting it.”

“Is there anything I can use now? Just to be safe?” He nodded and grabbed the first aid kit from a shelf on the wall, opened it up, and grabbed a hydrogen peroxide wipe.

“Here,” he said, handing it to you. “There is also some cream here which you’ll be glad to have once you feel the sting of that wipe,” he said, handing you some ointment.

“Thanks,” you said as you ripped open the hydrogen peroxide wipe and cleaned the wound.

You hissed as it stung, and Eric sounded further when he said, “Told you,” since he was putting the kit back. You grunted in acknowledgement, and after wiping the area down, you put some of the ointment on, which was a much nicer way of keeping the area clean. Then, you rolled down your pant leg, stood, and made to toss the ointment back to Eric, but before you could, he said “Keep it.”

“Thanks,” you said, surprised as you pocketed it. Eric simply nodded.

“Now get out of here,” he said, “go eat lunch.” And with that, you were swept out of the training room by your friends.

“So, we missed you at dinner last night,” Christina said as you and your friends sat down at a table in the dining hall. “Although I totally get that you had other things to worry about. You did get to eat though, right? We wanted to save you some food, but it was pasta night, and everyone had to fight just to get their fair share.”

“That’s sweet of you guys,” you said. “Four tried to do the same thing, but he was too late. “Luckily, Eric had a backup plan.”

“Oh my god, did you eat dinner with Eric?” Tris whisper-yelled, making eye contact with Christina, whose jaw was hanging open.

“Yeah, last night was a lot. I waited in his apartment while he got me some sweatpants, which are really comfy, and then he got back and made ‘low-carb enchiladas’ for dinner.”

“Of course they’d be low-carb, Will said, rolling his eyes.”

“Were they good?” Christina asked.

“They were so good,” you nodded.

“How was the company?” Tris asked.

“Honestly it was fine. I think that the fact that we didn’t talk because we were both tired prevented an argument from breaking out.”

“That’s good,” Christina said. “I’m glad he wasn’t completely horrible to you after you’d just gotten hurt. Although, I have to ask, why wasn’t he completely horrible to you today? I didn’t think he’d have that long of a ‘grace period’ after injuries.”

“He probably didn’t want to reopen the wound,” you said, repeating what you’d said to Tris earlier. “Why are you guys so interested in him?”

“Because he is the scariest person here, and he just gave you some ointment for your leg, which is the exact opposite of what it seems like he would do!” Will said.

“You do have a point,” you admitted. “Look, I don’t know, but it doesn’t really matter. Besides, we still have to talk about the way Four keeps eyeing Tris,” you said, smirking evilly as you turned the attention away from yourself, launching a new line of questioning, this time aimed at your friend.

Tag List: @shykoolaid, @taina-eny, @parabatai-winchester, @marvel-ousnesss, @kid-from-new-zealand, @polychr0matic

#eric coulter #eric coulter imagine #eric coulter x reader #divergent #divergent imagine #divergent fanfiction #four divergent #tobias eaton #tris prior #dauntless #erudite #amity #candor #abnegation #peter hayes #motherfxking-flannel #motherfxking flannel

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mrpenguinpants · 3 years

Text

Genshin: University AU [V1]

I love modern au. Or any “everything is fine, no one died, it’s just a fever dream” au. Half of me is thinking, damn maybe I should answer this serious- LOL HAHA no. That’s not happening. Time to crack my knuckles and let my brainworms take over again.

Once again, this is 90% crack 10% content. I want to switch up my characters from the last brainworm post but I included Kaeya and Diluc.

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Today’s appreciation post goes to twistedwishes. Hey! I’ve been seeing you pop up a lot lately and thanks for the support 💕💕 I hope things are going better for you and you’re doing alright^^ I feel kinda bad for making appreciation posts on crack fics but hopefully this is somewhat funny haha.

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Genshin: Holding Hands [V1]

Genshin: When you’re cold [V1]

Genshin: Roommate [V1]

Genshin: Royalty AU [V1]

[Masterlist]

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[taglist] <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

@mikeysbike @hanniejji@unionwitch @musekala @twistedsunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover @dilucsz @dai-tsukki-desu @thicmitten @youaskedfurret @diaxfeliz @wintergreen-aix @dandelily @thegayrubberducky @lovelykittycatmeow @yuunoagivesmelife @dokidokisama @simpygrimoire @minakohasmanyhusbandos @strwbrry-lia @tigerpriestess @yuu-yuukurotsuki

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Diluc

Absolute pretty boy who has braincells, but only if Kaeya is not there. In his mind, Kaeya’s presence makes his room loose 40% of their common sense. He can’t prove it just yet but he’s working on it. He majors in accounting but also has a minor in marketing, logistics’ management, fia- he majors everything business related. He’s going to become the next Elon Musk through smarts or by getting the competition drunk. There can be no contest if he’s the only candidate. He’s actually a hard working guy that overworks and stresses way too much. You have daily “Diluc recharge” evenings where he just hangs onto you while you go through your day.

“Don’t fucking talk to me until I’ve had my coffee,” except there is no coffee - he drinks grape juice out of juice boxes and his only energy boost is when he meets up with you - and that’s his constant mood. So he usually only hangs around you and Jean, since she has childhood friend status and is actually an angel. By default, Lisa is added and Diluc doesn’t mind her but if he see’s Kaeya, it’s full on war paint mode. If he's not busy with work or studies, he's usually with you either in your dorm or his apartment.

He has a fanclub and he seriously hates it and tries to do everything in his power to get Ningguang to take it down. Shouldn’t this be against his rights? But she refuses for whatever reason and makes a whole speech about free will. No matter what he does, someone manages to take a picture and it get’s printed in the university’s newspaper. The only bonding time he has with Kaeya is every Monday, where they collect and burn all the universities newspapers before anyone can get their hands on it. You always bring marshmallows to make smores during their arson activities.

“When I graduate I’m going to burn this school down to the ground. That’s not a threat it’s a promise.”

Ningguang

Is secretly the leader of the Diluc fanclub - not that she likes Diluc, she’s in a questionable platonic poly marriage with you and Beidou - but it was the easiest way to gain funds for the student council. Which she is the president of, so rip Diluc the fanclub stays. Ruthless business woman I tell you. But she can run in heels so her danger factor rises by at least 20%.

Majors in social sciences and law but more specifically the political science & government. She saw the Imperial State Crown that the Queen of England wears and says yes, that’s mine now. If she’s not with Beidou and you planning on “how to infiltrate the state government just for lols”, then she’s with Keqing, Ganyu, and Zhongli discussing student council things. Should they or should they not tell the student body that they can see everyone’s search results? Sit back and relax as the school goes into chaos.

She’s probably the scariest person on campus No, she is the scariest person on campus. She’s the scariest person on campus. But secretly she’s popping 20 aspirins just to make it through a night. She has the digestive system of steel. She still holds the title of "seriously do not try and beat her in a drinking game it's never going to happen" and that's her proudest achievement in life but sadly she can’t put it on her resume. Kaeya is still trying to beat her out of spite but so far it hasn't been working. You’re seriously concerned for her when she get’s challenged but Beidou gives you a way-to-hard slap on the back and cheers her on. If Ninngguang somehow get’s alcohol poisonings she’ll somehow find away to make a profit out of it.

"I'll let him die, I'll get the insurance money."

Kaeya

One day he chugged too much mouth wash, passed out, and somehow woke up in university majoring in law. His idea is that if he is apart of the law, he can therefore stand above it. To be fair, his only goal in life is to say “I am the manager” and he can go live the rest of his life in bliss or as a hermit. He’s secret best friends with you but wouldn't be caught dead beside you. He will stab a bitch if you ever get hurt but will still trip you on the way home. Seriously, you have no idea why people find him attractive. Your guess is it’s the eye patch or the clap of his ass cheeks that keeps alerting everyone.

He’s apart of the newspaper club and if anyone asks: No, he has no idea who keeps taking all the newspapers and burns them in the back of the campus. Originally, he joined because he was nosy and needed to join some type of club for his resume. He sometimes feels bad for his junior assistant Amber because he keeps tricking her and says that Diluc is secretly a demon that is trying to steal all the jobs and is apart of the lizard government hell bent on eradicating the human race. He even brought out a whiteboard for this joke, he’s dedicated to his job ok?

The type of guy to try and be humble and say his work is “okay” but will choke a bitch if anyone agrees. He tends to leave everything last minute and says that it’s his drug since actual drugs could land you one year in prison and a maximum penalty of $2,000. You have to awkwardly hold in your concerned mother head shake when you see him speed running his assignment literally right when the professor is walking around to check if students finished.

“I was taught how to lead not to read.”

Mona

Broke wallet #2. Zhongli is broke wallet #1 but Childe simps for him so is he really a broke wallet at this point? In this essay, I Mona Megistus, will explain why I have the rights to the title “Broke Wallet #1″...

Believes that astrology should be an actual career path but refuses to take astronomy as her major. I can read the stars not a textbook that tells me how to calculate the mass of the sun divided by the fucks I give. Instead she went into Philosophy and cries to Albedo, who is an actual prodigy genius- sir lend some braincells to everyone else please?, that her professor keep turning her paper down because “star reading” is not an academic source.

Fischl wants her to join the occult club because, surprisingly, Mona is very good at telling people’s fates through her crayon sketch ouija board. She thinks first year Fischl is cute but is put off by the cosplay roleplay that she has going on. She would join except that stupid hat wearing gremlin in her lit class would make fun of her if he found out.

You gave her half your lunch one day and bought her a doughnut "because she seemed upset" and "out of the goodness of your heart" whatever the hell that means. She thinks you pensioned it but once that thought comes she takes a bite. Poison from a doughnut is not the worst way to go out, classes are hard enough. She’s waiting for the lord to strike her down anyways.

“Its not about passing, its about doing better than everyone else.”

Venti

Slept through most of highschool and people question how he got into university. He’s a music major (wow how fucking original is that), and if anyone asks him to serenade someone or just do anything, he’ll do it for the right price. Or if you buy him alcohol because he still keeps getting ID checked. He’s banking on Kaeya actually becoming a lawyer or being on good terms with Diluc so he can finally stop being arrested for looking like a toddler.

Takes one step into classes and quickly nopes out and goes back to bed. Professors have no idea how he hasn't dropped out or failed. He just has some god given talent. He does whine at you to pretty pretty please with a cherry on top tutor him because you're such an angel and would never leave your poor but awesome best friend hanging right? He needs to get this essay down but how he is suppose to explain how the number 10 is symbolic and connects to the universe or the meaning of life. Do you think he can just say it’s apart of his culture and make up some random myth to pretend it looks like he knows what he’s doing?

He’s honestly going with the flow and put his brain on the back burner all of highschool and only now realizes wait, I actually have to use my brain?

He’s been banned from most club chats since Venti has the no chill card. Someone says “lol I look ugly today.” and he’ll respond "yup, you look like a cow." and he get’s banned. Zhongli keeps a speed run timer on his phone just to document these occasions.

"Sad spelled backwards is das and das how it be sometimes."

Childe

An actual dumbass that somehow does well. He eats sandwiches with the crust off, this heathen. Surprisingly he’s studying to become a physical therapist but most of his experience has come from breaking his own bones. You’re scared how he's going to be if he actually becomes a therapist. If he'll make bets with his patients or try to one up whatever crazy injury they get into. Everything is a challenge to him that sometimes the best way to deal with Childe is to knock him out.

This man really knows the way to a Zhongli’s woman's heart. Through micro transactions. Mona saw him accidently drop $20 and just shrugged and walked off. She has never been both spiritually and physically offended in her life. She did take the $20 though. As much as you hate leeching on Chile when he’s basically a walking wallet that probably uses bills as tissue paper, you can’t help but give him puppy eyes while planning on how to get into his will. If he even plans on having one, he might honestly write “whoever wins in a gladiator style duel in my funeral’s tournament, they will get my fortune.”.

Any sport the university offers Childe is probably in it. Which is how he met Zhongli, challenged him to a fight, proceeded to have his ass handed to him, got a backhanded compliment, and screamed to you he was in love and how he found his soulmate. He's secretly very sappy and has cried and watched every Disney and Pixar movie at least 28 times.

"IM NOT TOO SPICY! I’M A TINY BIT ABOVE MILD IF ANYTHING!”

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God if it isn’t Scaramouche, it’s Childe that ruins the aesthetic. This is why I hate you. Why do you people enable me like this, it isn’t even good. This is pretty much a @ yourself moment and I vibe hard with Venti. This entire post was just to make a joke about the clap of Kaeya’s ass cheeks alerting the guards.

This week might slow down since I have classes and assignments. My reply’s are gonna be late too, sorry;; (oh and thank you to everyone that was so supportive and nice when I mentioned it. All of you. Beautiful 💕💕 )

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baroquebucky · 3 years

Note

Hi! Can I request a bucky Barnes one shot with the line “I think that you’re not as dark as you want people to believe” please?

a/n: yup yup !! i hope you enjoy <333 I kinda went overboard on this one hehe,, feel free to send in some bucky requests !! pls tell me what u guys think !!

word count: 5.1k ,,, i said it was long,,

minor faws spoilers ?

bucky paints himself as a villain, someone to avoid at all costs. you think he’s too scared to admit how soft he really is.

masterlist

A groan escaped your lips as you mindlessly moved your hand around, trying to find where your phone was in order to turn off your alarm. You sighed as you finally found it quickly shutting it off and closing your eyes again. You lay there with an empty mind, sleep about to over come you again, thoughts of soft sheets and cozy couch- ding! ding! ding!

You jumped up in surprise, heart racing as your second alarm went off. Rubbing your eyes you tumbled out of bed, shuffling to the restroom to change and get your morning started. You headed out the door of your apartment, locking it quickly before going to work, taking notice of the uhaul truck parked outside.

As the day went by you went through the motions of your day, you were itching to get back home, eager to see if you had new neighbors or not. The last time you had neighbors it was a sweet old man, he brought you banana bread when he first moved in, telling you he hoped to be a good neighbor to you.

You had grown close to him, Stan, soon thinking of him like your own grandpa, but he moved away to live with one of her children. He had taught you to be more level headed and less stubborn and always treat other with kindness.

The thought of him warmed your heart, deciding then that if you had a new neighbor you would bake them some banana bread as a welcome gift, you hoped they were around your age since you didn’t have many friends and most of them were too busy half the time to hang out with you.

As you returned home, the door for the apartment next door was wide open and you could hear voices talking while boxes were moved around.

“Steve i can move it on my own youll break your back trying” a deep voice spoke, another one followed, this one lighter and raspier.

“you and i are the same age shut up” the other man spoke. You smiled as the two bickered, probably a son and his dad or grandfather you guessed.

You changed quickly, taking note of missing ingredients for your banana bread and headed to the store, giddy to meet your new neighbors. You had never been outgoing, throughout college you barely made any friends because you were too scared to talk to strangers, but you were trying to turn a new leaf now.

After paying and heading back to your apartment you quickly got to work, mashing bananas and singing along to your music. Finally popping the bread into the over and sitting on your couch, it was already 8 pm so you hoped your new neighbors would still be up, or else you would have to wait until tomorrow and you didn’t want to give them cold bread.

As the oven dinged and you made sure the bread was perfectly cooked you grinned ear to ear, taking it out and placing it on a plate you had bought earlier, the sides were adorned with a simple but cute floral design and you hoped they liked it.

You were about to head out the door when you took note of your outfit, you but your lip and decided to change clothes quickly, putting on some looser jeans, a white t shirt and a thin sweater.

You grabbed the plate and headed out, listening to see if there was any sound coming from the apartment, luckily you could hear the tv, they were watching a soccer game.

“okay okay, just knock say hello, bread then go easy!” You whispered you yourself, heart racing and palms getting sweaty. You backed away from the door slowly, nerves getting the best of you.

“No i can do this i can do this!” You scolded yourself, in one swift motion you knocked on the door before you could think. You face falling as you realized you had actually knocked, what if it was too loud? What if they thought you were rude now and that you were- oh, wow.

The door opened and there stood none other than Bucky Barnes. You recognized him quickly since he was all over your timeline on Twitter, everyone gushing about how hot he was and how he deserved better. Your mind was blank now that he looked down at you.

“can i help you?” He asked, looking at you and then at the bread, and then back at you. Your eyes widened and you nodded.

“oh yes! bread! I mean heres bread! i made it- here is some bread that i made as a welcome gift, like welcome to your apartment” you rambled, your face was burning and you hoped that somehow he couldn’t tell, maybe girls in the 40’s didn’t blush so he didn’t know what was wrong with your face you thought.

“oh?” was all he said, he could hear your heartbeat racing, he thought you were terrified of him, rushing though your words to get away from him as soon as heavenly possible. Bucky heard you rehearsing outside his door, a small smile on his face as you got the courage to knock, he was excited, maybe he could try to be your friend, his therapist said he needed it, maybe you wouldn’t recognize him and he could start new.

All that was thrown out the window when your eyes widened and your heart began to race faster as you saw him, obviously you knew him, he was the talk of the town at the moment.

“oh my god sorry! I’m y/n, i live right next door” you smiled softly, cocking your head in the direction of your apartment, the plate still in your hands and you wanted to cry because why hasn’t he grabbed the bread yet when i made it just for you.

“I didn’t know if you liked chocolate chip in your banana bread or not so i made it half with and half without i hope that okay” you continued, hoping he would take the hint and grab the plate from you. Thankfully he did and you sighed softly, glad that he took it.

“I uh- don’t really have an opinion” he stated, his lips pressed to a thin line for a second before he cracked a small smile at you, happily returning it.

“well let me know which you preferred” you laughed and he nodded.

“I’m James by the way” he said, placing the plate on a box next to him, “I’ll just got put this on a plate and I’ll give you yours back give me a second” he began and you quickly shook your head at him.

“Oh no! The plate is yours too! you can keep it” you grinned and his mouth opened a bit, no one was this nice to him besides steve. You were too kind, too caring and soft and he didn’t want to taint you or weigh you down with his baggage.

“oh uh, thank you” he cleared his throat, his mind racing and telling him to stop talking to you, leave you alone before he ruins your life like he ruins everything else. “It’s late so you should uh probably go” he started and you felt your stomach drop, part of you upset he didn’t try to talk to you more.

“oh yeah, sorry, have a good night! I hope you like the bread haha, if you need anything I’m right next door” you shot him a grin and he simply closed the door, a frown on your face as you walked to your apartment.

You let out a sigh before your eyes watered a bit. You were never gonna try and make friends again you told yourself, heading to your room to get your pjs and going to the restroom to shower.

Bucky could hear the music from your phone through the walls, they were thin enough to begin with but his super soldier hearing didn’t do him any favors. He could hear the rumble of your voice but he couldn’t make out the words as you sang.

Bucky smiled a little bit, you were so pretty and sweet. No one had even made him banana bread before, let alone make him half with chocolate chips and half without.

Bucky munched on the banana bread, deciding he liked the one with chocolate chips better. A smile on his face as he mindlessly watched his tv, thoughts only of the pretty girl next door.

You finished showering and quickly got changed, sitting on your couch and flipping through channels until settling on reruns of your favorite show. You were bored out of your mind and were about to head to sleep when a knock at the door scared you.

You grabbed your pepper spray from your bag and looked through the peep hole, letting out a sigh when you saw it was just bucky. You put the pepper spray back and rushed to open the door.

“hi bucky” you smiled and he pressed his lips into a thin line.

“I liked the chocolate chip one better” he spoke, looking at floor then at you. There was a smile painted on your face and you nodded.

“Guess I’ll have to make you more with chocolate chips huh” you joked and he smiled a bit before stopping himself.

“I’ll uh see you tomorrow” he spoke before heading back to his apartment and you smiled.

It was a little bit, but it was something.

The first week was pretty stagnant, not much conversation and just small waves from your end. The second week was better, he waved back at you and even gave you music recommendations. By the third week he was coming around more, telling you good morning and goodnight if you bumped into each other in the hall.

He helped you bring a pack of water up after seeing you struggle with the first one.

“I can- i can just help you with that if you want” he spoke from behind you, and you looked at him breathless.

“oh my god please” you sighed, he quickly took the waters from you and lifted them with ease, you stared at him in shock before opening the door to your apartment.

“You can just set it on the counter” you spoke, starting to take everything out of the grocery bags. “I’m uh i was gonna actually cook dinner tonight, if you want to come- not that you have to! I mean i can just give some to you and you don’t have to come over” you reasoned, rambling to the super soldier.

“I’m busy tonight actually” he spoke and you flushed red.

“Oh yeah no! Of course you being a hero in all, that’s fine! thanks for the water help” you smiled, he returned it before exiting and closing the door.

You scolded yourself, obviously he didn’t want to hang out with you god you were trying too hard.

By the time it hit a month and a half of bucky moving in you had given up, he seemed to be stuck in a funk, constantly brooding and avoiding you at all costs.

You baked some banana bread, adding extra chocolate chips and deciding to give him it and try to cheer him up, making get him out of his funk.

You knocked on his door and he opened it quickly. You smiled at the man and shoved the banana bread into his chest.

“I noticed you were upset and so i thought this would help, extra chocolate chips” you grinned as his face broke into a smile.

You turned to leave but Bucky grabbed your wrist, turning you around to face him.

“i- uh do you wanna come in?” He spoke, his voice wavering.

“I’d love to” you replied, following him into his apartment, a smile on your face as your eyes wandered.

“i know it’s not the best, your place is a lot more furnished” he spoke, setting the banana bread down on the kitchen counter.

“that’s okay, as long as you feel at home is all that matters” you said, smiling at him while he sliced the bread.

“I shouldn’t be doing this” he mumbled, “maybe you should go” he spoke, setting the knife down and looking at him.

“oh” was all you said, not knowing what to do.

“I’m just- fuck, look it’s not you i just” he cut himself off, sighing and squeezing his eyes shut for a second before opening them again.

“bucky it’s fine i can go” you whispered, setting a reassuring hand on his metal one.

He expected you to flinch, turn away at the cold feeling. But you didn’t. You kept your focus on him.

“I don’t want you to” he spoke softly, eyes locking on yours.

“i don’t want you to but you should, because I’m always ruining things, I’m always messing something up. Everyone i love or care about gets hurt- it’s like I’m some dark force that ruins anything good. I cant do that to you y/n” he finished, pulling away.

You debated on giving him space or wrapping your arms around him, you could tell what he needed more.

“I think you’re not as dark as you want people to believe” you spoke simply. Looking at the super soldier square in the eyes.

“You walk around brooding and acting like you hate everyone but in reality i think you’re too scared to let anyone in. You aren’t evil or dark. Youre insecure and scared, you just need someone to show they care but you don’t let anyone do that.”

Bucky looked at you in shock, not even Sam talked to him like that. Your eyes went wide as you realized everything you said.

“I’m sorry i don’t know where that came from- i can leave I’ll go i just- i just want you to know that I’m here, no matter what time it is I’m here” you mumbled, quickly leaving his apartment and going to yours.

Bucky stood there in shock, you were right. Everything you said was right. He was scared, he was terrified of letting someone in only to have them ripped from him. He didn’t want to run after you immediately, he had to think through his feelings.

He showered and changed into some comfy shorts and sitting on the floor next to his couch and turning on a soccer match.

His heart raced, brows furrowing as scenes as the winter soldier played over and over in his head. The sound of a gunshot in his dream made him shoot up. A thin line of sweat on his forehead had formed and he was panting.

He ran to the restroom, washing his face with cool water and listening to the faucet as his breathing steadied.

He checked the clock, 2:25 am. He threw on a cozy black henley and walked next door, he was scared. Knocking softly twice he waited for a second, his advanced hearing picking up on some shuffling inside.

You opened the door, a bat in hand that quickly fell to your side when you saw the state bucky was in.

“oh buck what happened? are you okay?” You asked, instinct taking over as you wrapped your arms around him, leading him to the couch.

“i had a nightmare” he whispered, eyes not leaving the floor.

“do you want to talk about it?” You asked, he shook his head and you nodded. You grabbed a fluffy blanket and handed it to him, giving him the controller to your tv and excusing yourself into the kitchen.

You made two cups of hot chocolate, adding extra marshmallows to his. You carried them carefully to the living room and set them on the table, pushing the one with more marshmallows towards him.

“maybe this’ll help you relax” you smiled and he thanked you, taking a sip. The two of you watching tv in silence, drinking hot chocolate and sitting close together.

By the time it was 3 am you were yawning, tired from your busy day. Guilt rushed over bucky, realizing he had woken you up and you had to be at work early.

“I’m sorry i should go it’s late and-” Bucky started, getting up and you stopped him, pulling him down softly.

“it’s okay, tomorrow’s Saturday” you smiled softly, his mouth forming into an ‘o’ shape.

“You don’t have to leave unless you want to, I’ll stay here for as long as you want” you assured him, placing your hand on his one more time and smiled, eyes soft and heart swelling.

You fell asleep watching tv, Bucky was wide awake, but the steady beat of your heart soon caused him to drift off not long after.

Something changed that night, Bucky became more comfortable around you, inviting you to dinner more and texting you when he didn’t see you. He even had made you banana bread, which he vowed never to do again because it turned out horribly.

You had it bad, you were so whipped for him and he was so whipped for you, both of you harboring a crush and neither of you realized.

It had been three months since bucky moved in, the last month and a half had been a blur. You and Bucky hanging out at any and every chance, going on walks together in the afternoon and even grocery shopping together. You had to museums and taken care of him after mission. You gave him hot chocolate after a nightmare and stayed with him until he fell asleep again.

Bucky helped you de stress, getting you away from paper work when you were too tired and getting you out of the house when you were cooped up during the weekends. He helped you become more confident, complimenting you any chance he got and getting shy around you.

Bucky had another nightmare, and as if instinct he got up, a frown on his face as he knocked twice softly on your door.

“‘M sorry doll” he whispered and you shook your head, holding his hand and leaving him into your room.

You were so tired, you had woke up at 6 am to get to work early after they called you in saying it was urgent. You had spent all day running around getting home later than usual. It was 9 pm by the time you were showered and having dinner.

You had called one of your friends, catching up with them since you missed their call earlier, talking until 2 am when you couldn’t keep your eyes open any longer.

By the time your head hit the pillow you were out, you didn’t know how you even heard buckys soft knocking. But sure enough you got up, and let him in, you lead him to your room without second thought.

You gently shoved him on the bed, moving to the other side and snuggling back under your sheets. “gnight” was all you said before passing out again.

Bucky was shocked, did you trust him that much? Did he really mean this much to you? You were exhausted and yet you still took care of him. His heart melted and he quietly took off his shoes, holding them in his hand as he walked to the couch, laying down and covering himself with the blanket you had given him the first time he came.

Morning came and you came out of your room, Bucky sound asleep on your couch, a fond smile on your face. You began to make the two do you breakfast, as quiet as you could so that you didn’t wake him, luckily he slept through it all.

You shook him softly, whispering for him to wake up when you finished, slowly he got up. Rubbing his eyes as you told him to go sit at table to eat his breakfast.

The two of you eating and chatting, both still tired.

“I didn’t sleep in your bed, i know you took me but i don’t know i felt like you were just too tired to think” he told you, your face burned from how hard you were blushing.

“I did what?” You asked, eyes wide. Bucky only laughed and shook his head.

“I figured you were just too tired to think of anything else so i took myself to the couch” he smiled and you giggled.

“did you sleep well at least?” You questioned and he nodded.

“not as well as i do with you by my side” he smirked and you chocked on your water, coughing at his statement.

“oh my god you- it’s 10 am can i please get a warning” you shrieked and he sat there confused.

“I’m sorry?” He said, both amused and confused.

“I’ll wash the plates!” You spoke quickly, getting up and taking his plate and heading towards the sink.

“I have to go, i have a thing with Sam today” he sighed and you nodded, “okay have fun, good luck and be safe buck” you spoke and he smiled, heading out the door, excited to see you again later.

“No sam like i like her” Bucky spoke, walking besides the man as he looked at something on his phone.

“oh you mean like, like like her” Sam teased, keeping a straight face.

“god i hate you” bucky groaned, regretting ever saying anything to the man.

“well if you like her why don’t you cook her some dinner, or take her to a park for a picnic or something” he shrugged.

“woo her with your charming cyborg mind” Sam smirked and Bucky glared at him.

“i cant- i don’t know how to and plus she probably doesn’t even like me” Bucky began and Sam stopped in his tracks.

“she makes you banana bread, hot chocolate with extra marshmallows and sleeps on the couch to keep you company after you have a nightmare” he spoke, looking at Bucky like he was crazy.

“yes” Bucky stated, brows furrowed.

“oh my god you idiot obviously she likes you” was all Sam said before continuing to walk.

Buckys mind kept drifting to you, did you like him too? Maybe he should take you on a date, you talked about ice skating one time maybe he should take you to a rink, or maybe a museum.

You were exhausted by the time you finished washing dishes, you had barely been sleeping this past couple weeks, always trying to stay awake just in case bucky needed you.

You didn’t mind it, you loved that he trusted you enough to seek comfort in you. Watching movies with him at night to help get his mind off things was your favorite thing, sharing popcorn and eventually he would fall asleep. He was finally getting rest and that’s all that mattered to you.

Your phone dinged as you watched some tv, a text from Bucky.

hi y/n

You smiled, heart pounding and stomach doing flips, you replied after a minute. You didn’t want to seem too eager.

hi buck! i hope all is well w you and sam :]

Buckys heart rate sped up at the site of your text, nervous as he typed out the message.

You saw the three bubbles appear, then disappear and then appear again. Was he okay?

“okay read this” Bucky shoved his phone towards Sam, he nodded in approval.

“no no too much right? let me change it” Bucky shook his head, deleting the text before starting a new one.

“Bucky just-” Sam began but was cut off by Bucky shoving his phone in his face once more.

“Yes bucky it’s good now send it” Sam groaned, just wanting his friend to finally go on a (successful) date.

“I’m gonna change th-” Bucky started, but Sam was faster, snatching the phone out of his hand and pressing send.

“there! now please tell me you know what to wear on a date” Sam pleaded, the silence was the only reply Sam needed.

I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date with me. I think you’re amazing and wonderful, please let me know- i would’ve waited to ask you in person but i can’t stop thinking

Your face flushed and a smile broke onto your face. Quickly typing out a response.

I would love you bucky

to**** i would love to

You groaned as you read over your texts, god he was gonna back out now, surely. This is the same man who took a month to wave back at his own neighbor for fucks sakes, now you just accidentally told him you loved him?

I’ll pick you up at 6:30 doll :-)

You bit your lip, smiling and jumping around in glee, you could hardly wait.

“okay if it’s just a museum date how about you wear this, and that” Sam spoke, smiling at how Bucky looked in his outfit.

“I’m gonna take her ice skating instead i think” Bucky spoke, and Sam nodded, looking in his closet.

“I’m not letting you near any of my sweaters” Sam spoke and Bucky rolled his eyes.

“i have something back home to wear, thank you Sam” he smiled, pulling him in for a hug. Sam smiled, happy that Bucky was finally finding peace.

Bucky quickly got ready, hopping in the shower and putting on a t shirt and pulling his black Henley over it along with some nice pants.

He checked his clock, 5:47. Enough time for flowers, he rushed out, grabbing everything he needed and heading for the florist.

He remembered how two weeks ago you told him your favorite flowers, gushing about them in your 3 am sleepy haze.

By the time he arrived at your doorstep and hesitated.

“okay, okay, i can do this. just knock, flowers and ice skating!” He smiled to himself, remembering how you were just as nervous when you first brought him banana bread.

He knocked twice on the door, you opened it with a smile. Buckys eyes went wide and his words got stuck in his throat.

You looked beautiful.

“I didn’t know where we were going so i kinda just put on something somewhat casual, i hope that’s okay! If not i can change” you rambled and Bucky blinked rapidly.

“You look beautiful doll” was all he said you blushed, smiling and nodding.

“i got you some flowers” he spoke, nervous to see your reaction.

“you remembered?” you whispered and he nodded,

“how could i not?” your face was burning as you took the bouquet from him, placing them in a vase with some water quickly.

The two of you left the apartment, nervous and giddy to see where the night would take you.

The ice rink was packed, something neither of you expected, and 30 minutes into the line YPU were yawning.

“I’m sorry doll i didn’t know it would be packed” he mumbled and you shook your head.

“i don’t mind I’m just a bit tired is all” you smiled, yawning one more time and apologizing to Bucky.

“Cmon i know what we can do instead” he smiled and you looked at him confused, but he quickly took your hand in his and pulled you out of line and back to his car.

The drive was silent, soft 40s music coming from the speaker as you headed to wherever bucky was taking you.

Before you knew it you were back your apartments, you were confused to say the least but decided to stay quiet and let Bucky guide you.

“Wait here” Bucky smiled, running to his apartment before coming back out with a backpack and taking your hand once again.

“I like to come up here when i need some time alone or just to think” he spoke, clicking on the top floor in the elevator.

You followed him out of the elevator, around the corner and up some stairs, and then you were on the roof. Bucky smiled at you as you saw the sunset over the buildings around you.

You were so busy taking in the view you didn’t see Bucky setting up the picnic infront of you, gasping at the small setup he managed to make.

“It’s not much but-” he started and you shook your head.

“It’s just enough” you whispered, sitting across from him.

The two of you talked until nightfall, smiling the whole time and giggling at each other’s anecdotes.

You were laying on Buckys chest, listening to him talk about the constellations as pointing them out with his metal hand, his other hand was softly running through your hair.

“-and that one is Ursa Minor, the little bear” he continued, listening to your heartbeat as it steadied. You had fallen asleep. Bucky smiled, happy that he could finally return the favor you had done for him every night.

He moved as quickly and quietly as he could, packing up everything into his backpack again. As he headed to pick you up you moved, opening your eyes slightly.

“did i fall sleep?” You mumbled and Bucky smiled, picking you up swiftly and you giggled.

“love when you treat me like a princess” Bucky smiled at your words.

“good thing I’m gonna treat you like one for as long as your mine” he replied, you blushed, fully waking up.

“yours huh?” You smirked and he blushed.

“You can put me down in awake” you smiled and he set you down gently.

“will you be my girl? I promise I’ll treat you like a princess, even promise to never bake again” Bucky smiled, stepping closer to you.

“you make a tough bargain barnes, i think it’s a yes” you smiled, pulling him by the hem of his shirt and placing your lips on his.

The two of you smiled into the kiss, breaking into a fit of laughter halfway through.

“why are you laughing?” You smiled, and he put his hand up in defense.

“you started laughing first!” He defended, pulling you in for another kiss before you could argue back.

You walked to your apartment hand in hand and in comfortable silence.

“I had a really good time tonight bucky” you smiled, turning to the super soldier.

“I had a great time too doll” he grinned and you turned around, unlocking your door. Bucky was already walking to his door when you stopped him.

“You arent gonna come in?” You questioned and he smiled, nodding and following you in quickly.

The rest of the night was spent cuddled up on the couch, hot chocolates in hand and watching your favorite movies on tv.

The two of you fell asleep before the first movie could even finish, you had never felt more well rested in your life. Bucky didn’t have a single nightmare and was the most relaxed he’d been in 80 years.

#bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes drabble #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #soft Bucky Barnes

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