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imagine-that-100 · 3 years

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Why No Answer? | Part 2 |

Description of Part 1: Alex Turner x Reader (Female) | You’re woken up in the middle of the night to find Alex drunk and high on your doorstep. Looking after him proves to be a tiring and revealing ordeal.

Word Count: 12.8k

Warnings: Angst (from the past) but lots of fluff.

A/N: So this was requested by the lovely @psychkunox, really hope you enjoy this. I don’t know what happened, but I got very carried away with the word count yet again sorry about that ahha. I would recommend watching the Restaurant scene from When Harry Met Sally either before or after you read. It’s quite comical and will give you more context. Anyway though, Likes, Reblogs, and Feedback is always appreciated, but thank you all for reading, I really hope you all enjoy xx

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Read Part 1: | Here |

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“Al stop.” You scorn him in a whisper as he once again kisses the back of your neck as you stand in the queue for Space Mountain.

You really tried not to indulge in the feeling of his lips on your skin because it was an extremely addicting sensation. But you were in public, in Disney World of all places where everyone had their phones and cameras out, and the band were all standing in front of you in the queue.

“Alex.” You whisper shout again and pull yourself out of the hold he had on your hips when you felt him do it again.

You turn around and shake your head when you note the mischief in his eyes and the slight smirk gracing his pretty lips. You wanted nothing more to have them on your own in such a beautiful place but that couldn’t happen since you both decided you wanted to keep your relationship between yourselves for a while longer.

You were their photographer which meant that you didn’t want things to get weird with them on tour. And after you and Alex both decided to keep your relationship on the downlow when you initially started going out with each other, you sort of wanted to keep it that way, so nothing changed the dynamic of your group.

You were only 2 years younger than Matt and Alex, 3 years younger than Jamie and Nick, so you’d always been pretty close with them all. You thought of them all as your brothers as you were growing up as Alex had gone to the same primary school as you and Matt and they had been best mates since the beginning.

They met Jamie and Nick in High School along with Andy who was obviously initially in the band, before he stepped down and Nick took over. They had always been your family who’d taken good care of you and you knew just how lucky you were to have them all.

But obviously to them you’d always been Matt’s little, and sometimes annoying, sister. When they were 14/15 they all wanted nothing to do with you and you were certain Alex had hated you once upon a time, but that might have been because you were a 12 year old who’d started growing up having crushes on all of your brothers friends.

Thankfully they didn’t disown you completely as when you reached the less annoying age of 15, they didn’t seem to push you out as much. You liked hanging out with all of them, and you saw them more because they always had to come to your house because Matt couldn’t move the drum kit unless it was for a gig.

You’d always liked music as it had always been an escape for you. Like when the band were first starting out when you’d go up to your bedroom to escape the utter shit music they were making, and you’d have your Pulp and Blur records on.

There was a new band you actually introduced them too at the time which was The Strokes, which is comical in hindsight because if you’d never told Alex and Matt to listen to that record when they caught you humming along to Barely Legal, you weren’t sure Alex would have had the motivation to keep the band going and get it as big as they had become.

It wasn’t a secret that Alex’s hero was Julian Casablancas.

A few years later the band was getting bigger and the excitement in your household at them potentially making it big was intense. So much so that your Mum and Dad threw a party for them all when they got scouted and got the record deal.

It was at that party that Matt and Alex drunkenly agreed to let you be their photographer as soon as you were done with your photography apprenticeship. It was something they never forgot though and they did actually let you become their photographer.

So as soon as your apprenticeship finished in the summer of 2006, your 18-year-old self joined the lads on their tour. To say it was a dream come true would be an understatement.

Both you and Matt had loved photography your entire lives, stemming from when your Grandma bought you both a digital camera each one year for Christmas. Since then, it’d become your passion and your plan was to be a photographer anyway.

But being the photographer for Arctic Monkeys meant that you got to travel the world and see places you never thought you would, and you never got home sick because you already had your family around you.

You honestly adored your job.

In the breaks between their tours and them writing new material you would take other photography jobs in the years off, but that didn’t really happen for the first four years of them all being big.

Alex asked Domino if you could do their The Age of the Understatement tour too which you were surprised by, but of course you did it. A job was a job and you weren’t going to turn it down just because your brother wasn’t there.

Usually on the tours you’d stay in a separate bus from the lads because after the first week into the first tour you joined them on you saw what an absolute shit tip they all created. They were all revolting and all typical lads, being messy, every other sentence was a sex joke, and they were just revolting creatures.

To you it was genuinely a surprise they actually showered after every gig.

But thankfully with the years passing and being on tour busses became a constant for them instead of something new and exciting, they all got better. So, their Suck It And See tour was the first full tour you’d actually stayed in the bus with them.

Although sometimes you wished you hadn’t because that tour was where he met Breana and you definitely heard things you’d never want to hear again. You don’t know how the other lads weren’t scarred from the noises that came out of Matt’s bunk those nights.

All you had to say about it was thank god for earphones and ear defenders.

But you think it was on that tour that you started getting closer to Alex and the other lads. Mostly due to Matt being a love stuck puppy who spent most of his time with Breana but also because you didn’t want to burden him with your emotions.

About a month before the Suck It And See tour started in the February of 2011, your arsehole of a boyfriend texted you saying that he didn’t want to see you anymore. He was an arsehole for doing it over text and then not answering your calls afterwards, but he was an even bigger arsehole for getting with who you thought was your best friend as soon as the tour started.

Matt and the lads obviously knew about the breakup but due to them all having no social media none of them knew what your best friend had done to you. So, you cried about that betrayal in your bunk at night when you knew everyone else was asleep and you cried when you found moments of solitude.

They had enough going on with interviews and tours and you didn’t want them to burden them with your issues too. But that stopped when Alex walked in on your crying in the back lounge of the bus about a month into the tour.

Your ex best friend had just posted a picture of her and your ex who you still had the misfortune of having feelings for and you just crumbled. When you saw it you just couldn’t bear the thought of being around anyone else, so you slipped out of their presence and cried your way back to the tour bus.

Thankfully no one followed you in your time of crisis which meant that you got your uncontrollable sobs out of the way alone. But of course, someone came back to the bus and found you.

And that person was Alex.

He’d come back for another pack of fags needing the extra nicotine in the hours before a show. But all thoughts of that stopped when he heard crying come from the back end of the bus.

He walked past the bunks and opened the door into the back lounge to find you sat on the floor with your head buried into your knees and sobs were ringing in his ears. His heart dropped at the sight.

“Y/N what's wrong?” Alex asks, rushing over to you.

And when you didn't answer he called your name again. “Y/N?”

But you just shake your head and continue sobbing into your knees. So he begs, “Please talk to me, love”

He was kneeling down beside you, his hand coming to the back of your head as if to slowly coax you out of your hiding stop. And after stroking the back of your head for a minute, your head rises from your hiding spot but your eyes remain shut and you continue to sob.

Alex tries his best to coax you out of your sobs but you’re pretty much hyperventilating in front of him. After another one of the longest minutes of Alex’s life he manages to get you to slow your cries enough for words to fall from your lips.

“My life’s falling apart” You sob, still refusing to look at him. Your breathing is better but still erratic when you continue to tell him in a pain stricken voice, “I can’t carry on crying myself to sleep like this every night... I- I just want to feel normal again”

“What’s happened? Why are you upset?” Alex begs for you to tell him, ripping the tears from under your eyes.

The only thing that comes to mind is your previous relationship, so Alex asks, “Is it about your ex?”

You nod, tears still pouring down your eyes, “He’s taken everything Alex... My life is fucking ruined”

“No he hasn’t Y/N. You’re here, you’ve got us” He tries to assure you, but you just shake your head.

After a second you open your watery eyes and Alex can see how much pain they hold. They somehow contain even more when you speak the words out loud, “He’s going out with Y/B/F.”

Even Alex’s blood runs cold when he hears that. His words almost get caught in his throat when he asks, “What?”

You nod, sniffling a bit and wiping your own tears from your cheeks when you repeat, “He’s going out with Y/B/F.”

“Please tell me you’re joking” The words fall from his mouth before he can stop them.

You and your best friend had been together since day one, like you’d practically been friends since birth. You were practically sisters.

It was only the odd time Alex would come to yours and Matt’s house growing up and Y/B/F wasn’t there with you. You were the annoying girls he couldn’t escape.

Not that he still felt like that as you yourself had become a really good friend but back when you were 12 you were both so fucking annoying. But everyone knew that your and Y/B/F came as a pair.

You were the best of friends, and completely inseparable.

“I don’t think I’d be on the floor crying if I was joking Alex.” You whine, trying your best to stop your tears now someone else was with you.

You nod towards your phone that you threw on the sofa when you walked in the room and say, “Just look”

So Alex does. He takes your phone off the side and unlocks it knowing your password was your birthday and he quickly puts the numbers in and watches as it unlocks.

And his heart sinks at the proof that lays in his hands. There on the screen he can clearly see the picture of your best friend and your ex-boyfriend quite clearly together.

They were posed in the way couples typically posed for pictures and then there was another of them at the same party and they stood kissing, and Alex found it repulsive.

“This isn’t okay.” Alex looks up from the phone to see your head no leaning back against the settee, tears falling freely down your cheeks now.

You make no effort to look at him when you say, “I know.”

“Why didn’t Matt tell me?” Alex asks, a little confused.

Surely this was something that was to be at least hushedly whispered to the people closest to you.

“Because he doesn't know.” You say simply.

“Why?” He asks, locking the phone so you didn’t see the pictures again.

You told Matt everything these days. There was no point in secrets between you as you were adults and you cared for the other’s well-being.

You’d always been open with each other, minus the time that you went out to a party when you were 16 and came back with a series of love bites on your neck. All of the lads had been really shocked when you walked in a little bit tipsy with those on your skin.

Matt had been furious and a little disgusted knowing someone had been touching you in a romantic sense. So, it was no surprise to the other lads that when you were questioned on if something more happened, you pressed your swollen lips together and slipped up to your room denying that anything else had happened.

It was comical because it was clear to everyone else that it had gone further than someone kissing your neck.

Everyone took the piss out of Matt that night saying that someone had just taken his sister's virginity and it left the drummer mortified. But you always denied it to the full band until about 6 months later when Alex had asked you in the kitchen if you were actually lying or not.

Of course, Alex didn’t actually tell any of the others when you confirmed what everyone already knew. But that was the last time you’d ever lied to your brother.

So, hearing that your brother didn’t know about this shocking and frankly disgusting news in your life was concerning.

You looked up towards your brothers’ best mate and told him the truth, “Because I can’t ruin his time with Breana…”

You had to trail off because the lump in your throat was getting too much. So you swallowed it away before continuing, your voice still pained, barely above a whisper, “He really likes her and he doesn’t need to be worrying about me... She could be the mother of his children for all we know... I’m not ruining that chance because my life has fallen apart.”

“He’d understand Y/N/N.” Alex told you, once again leaning forward to wipe away your tears.

You shake your head, “It’s not fair.”

“And you think what’s happened to you is fair?” Alex questions, knowing full well that it wasn’t.

No one deserved this type of betrayal. Especially you.

You just started weeping again then and Alex brought you into his arms, needing to console you in a hug. Thankfully you didn’t resist his hug and Alex let you cry into his shoulder as you clung to him.

After a while of him rubbing your back and whispering you sweet nothings, he had to tell you, “You could have told me Y/N/N.”

You shake your head into his neck then, Alex could still feel the tears falling onto his skin. He just about hears you say into his shoulder, “You’re happy with Arielle, I don’t want you dealing with my shit either.”

“Your family, what hurts you hurts me” Alex tells you, “You’ve always got me Y/N… Always.”

After another five minutes of you both on the floor, Arielle walks in and is immediately worried seeing you sat on the ground crying into Alex’s arms. Alex just politely asked her to go and get Matt though which she did, and you didn’t oppose it.

You couldn’t deal with that on your own any longer and you were thankful for Alex being so kind to you. Your heart just fully melted in your chest later on after everything had been explained to everyone and he pulled you aside and gave you another big hug.

He whispered to you, “You’re going to be okay Y/N/N.” before placing a kiss to the top of your head.

The rest of that tour was filled with him making sure you were always okay and so did the other lads. But maybe it felt more personal to you when Alex checked on you because he was the one that found you.

It was him that just told you to cut them from your life completely and block them on everything as ‘they weren’t good enough for you anyway’. After you did that you felt better about your life. You’d cleared them from your Instagram, leaving no trace on your page that they were ever in your life and it was a difficult purge, but it definitely helped you in the long run.

The years without them in your life were tough but it had proven to be for the best in the end.

Because once upon a time you thought you were going to marry your ex-boyfriend, but now you were standing in Disney World with your boyfriend trying to steal kisses from you. And you wouldn’t change it for the world.

You give your boyfriend of 4 months a warning look, but his eyes just held mischief. You had to remind him, “They are going to see.”

“Then let’s go somewhere else.” Alex says moving back towards you, and ushering you to move up the line a bit.

“After this we’ll try and escape.” You promise, but he was really shit at turning you down and you wanted it to be believable. “But you have to actually pretend you don’t wanna go.”

He rolls his eyes but sighs, “Fine.”

After Space Mountain you announced to the lads that you wanted to go see the Disney characters next which they all groaned at. You first of all pleaded with Matt to come with you knowing he wouldn’t before the rest of the lads and one by one they all dismissed you.

The last person you asked was Alex and he surprisingly put up a good fight until you ‘wore him down’ and got your own way. You spent the rest of the afternoon going round with him and getting pictures of the both of you with the characters and you got a nice lady to take a few pictures of you both outside the castle.

Those were your favourites, especially the one where he was kissing you.

As you were walking back to meet the others who were already back at the bus, you felt the need to tell him something which you’d yet to say. You didn’t think you’d find a better time than walking hand in hand in front of the Disney castle after one of the best days of your life.

So you pause your walk back for a moment to kiss him one last time before you make it back to the others. The kiss was sweet, just like the whole day had been, and you definitely felt like it was the right time to say, “I love you Alex.”

Immediately a smile found its way onto his lips, and he was practically beaming with joy. “You love me?” Alex asks you in a little disbelief.

“Yeah…” You nod, a massive smile on your lips “A lot as well.”

Alex leant down and kissed you again then, this time though his arms wrapped around your waist and lifted you off your feet, spinning you around in his arms. It caused you to giggle into the kiss a little but you loved it.

When your feet touched the ground again Alex told you, “I love you so much Y/N”

“I know.” You grin as he’d already told you once before.

Alex just chuckles at you, “Alright Han Solo” which made you giggle.

“I love you more than anything Al, thank you for making me happy.” You tell him wrapping your arms around him, needing a tight embrace just so he knew you meant every single word.

His arms obviously snake around you, making you feel secure in the warm hug. And your heart melts once more when he kisses your head and says, “I love you more Angel, thank you for letting me make you happy.”

~*~*~*~

“Al.” You said attempting and failing to pull away from the kiss he’d trapped you in.

If you were honest, you really weren’t really putting up much of a fight to stop the kisses. You were in one of their many tents that this festival they were performing at had given them.

There was one for chilling out in, one that was essentially a bar, and a few more you’d yet to explore. But Alex had pulled you into one with the mass of beanbags in it and he wasted no alone time to have his lips connect to yours.

“Yes baby?” He says in his low voice and you could hear his hunger for you in his voice before he kissed you again.

It made your stomach flip as you knew exactly what he was thinking as you’d heard his voice like that many times since you started seeing each other. You both had to show some restraint though as anyone could walk into the tent, there was only a flimsy curtain between inside and outside.

You pull on his hair to make him pull away as you couldn’t do it yourself as he’d trapped you between him and a beanbag. Once his soft lips parted from yours, you told him seriously, “Wait until the hotel.”

“But I want you now.” Alex then pouts at you, confirming the explicit thoughts that were running through his head.

You tell him truthfully, finding his pout very cute, “And I want you, but I’m not shagging you in a tent.”

“Why?” Alex questions, looking around for a moment before his gorgeous brown eyes meet your Y/E/C ones again. He chuckles, “It's a really posh tent.”

You guess it was too post to actually call it a tent. It was huge for a start and looked very expensive. You definitely felt privileged to get to experience all of this with him and the band.

“Hun you had me all last night...” You shake your head whilst smiling like an idiot, “You can retrain yourself until we get back.”

“Not easily.” He pouts again and it makes you giggle which he once again finds adorable.

Another kiss is exchanged then but you don't let it get to what it just had been like. You stop it after he tries to distract you and deepen it again but you’re having none of it.

“You need to go or there gunna be like ‘what’s he doing in there?’” You say knowing he’d be asked to drink with them sooner rather than later.

Alex smiles knowing you’re right, but he chuckles when he tells you, “You know we have to tell them at some point, right?”

“Yeah I know, I just want as much of this tour to be as normal as possible.” You say, aimlessly stroking your fingers up and down the short hair on the back of his hair. You grin when you say, “I’d like to escape Jamie’s jokes for as long as possible.”

Alex just laughs then before he pecks your lips once more. “I don’t blame you Angel… But you can handle yourself. We’ll be fine.”

“I know.” You smile, feeling very content in this moment that you had with him. “I love you Al.”

“I love you too.” He tells you before he steals another kiss and gets himself up. “Do you want a drink?”

You shake your head whilst you get yourself comfy on the beanbag, also reaching to the nearby blanket to cover yourself with. “Nah, I’m good thanks. I’m gunna have a nap before the show.”

Alex smiles at you then, turning back towards you when he gets near the curtain to leave. He just stops by the curtain that divides him from outside and when he sees you getting curled up under the blanket.

He can’t help but nod and say, “Yeah.”

“Yeah what?” You ask looking back up to him standing there grinning at you.

Alex nods down at you in your cosy spot and continues, “Yeah, you were definitely meant for me.”

You grin like an idiot then before you tell him, “Love you baby.”

“Love you too.” Alex smiles and sends a wink your way before he heads out of the tent.

You can’t help but shut your eyes and snuggle into your new ‘bed’ with a massive grin on your face. But when you hear Miles say, “Oi Al, you dickhead. Come and have a shot.” you just start giggling.

~*~*~*~

You were absolutely plastered, and it was really making Alex laugh. Even more so than it usually would because you were trying your best not to be obvious that you wanted his affection.

You were a clingy drunk which was absolutely fine, and all the lads knew that, but watching you slip up around him and having to make up for it with the other lads was really comical for Alex.

You’d just come over to Alex after you’d beaten him at pool and teased him for being shit. To which Alex was shooting digs back at you but all you did in response was laugh, call him a sore loser and ruffle his perfect hair up which you knew annoyed him.

So Alex had just forced your hands out of his hair by grabbing your wrists and stopping you from doing anything more. He gave you warning looks like he would have done any other time you annoyed him before you got together but you also noted the looks as a reminder of the secret that you’d set out.

That was what led you to sitting on Jamie’s lap and talking his ear off about Katie whilst playing with his wavy hair. He threatened you to get off it, saying he’d cut it all off which you at first drunkenly pleaded with him not too but then you changed your mind saying he could definitely pull off a Peaky Blinders cut.

Once off Jamie you went on to have some flirty banter with Miles as Nick and Jamie played pool. Alex was watching you with an amused look on his face as his best mate was teasing you about not being on the pull whilst being in a bar with everyone.

You came back with things like, “Aw Miles, I couldn’t do that to you. I know you’d cry yourself to sleep if I entertained anyone elses flirting besides yours.”

Alex also found your laugh adorable when Miles kissed you on your cheek and Matt told him to leave you alone and to stop flirting with you. It was times like that that made Alex glad his best mate didn’t know about the two of you yet.

But after Nick’s game of pool finished and Nick won, he was calling it a night, despite it being relatively early. It seemed that you knew your tolerance though and decided to head back to the bus with Nick.

So you then went around the other 4 lads who were staying and made a bit of an effort to kiss them all goodnight, Alex presumed so you could kiss him. Something which proved to be correct because you came to him last after kissing all the other lads, including your brother, on the cheek and came to give him one.

“Thank you for my drinks” You drunkenly smile at him and Alex grins down at you in an amused way.

“You’re welcome love” Alex chuckles at your tipsy state and you then force a hug upon him.

He obviously hugs you back but he’s aware of his mates looking so he doesn’t make it completely obvious that he’s enjoying the hug as much as he is despite him really wanting to. He wanted nothing more than to kiss your lips instead of you leaning in to kiss his cheek.

When you left his arms, he smiled at you and you moved back to your brother and made him give you a hug. Something which Matt did but not without a roll of his eyes, but Alex could tell it was a playful one.

“See you in the morning guys.” You say with a smile after linking your arm through Nick’s so he could help you walk back.

Everyone said bye to you then and their attention was on the new game of pool again. But whilst it was Matt’s go Alex let his eyes focus on you.

You were so cute, he wanted nothing more than to take you back to a hotel away from the others so he could just be with you all night. But Alex also understood why you wanted to keep it a secret for a while longer.

Tours were long, and he knew you’d both be bullied about it for a while from the others, which you were both prepared for. But you were due to be on the road for the next year with AM due out in September.

The plan was to tell them as soon as interviews back home started so you didn’t have to be around the joking for long. Alex was used to it after Alexa and Arielle, but he knew you weren’t, and he respected that.

So that was why he denied it when the lads began to question him on it about 5 minutes after you left.

“What’s going on?” Matt asks as Alex pots another ball into the pool table.

Alex grins thinking Matt was just fuming he was losing. As Alex moves around the table to eye up another winning shot, he says, “I’m beating you at pool

“No.” Matt shakes his head, earning eye contact from his best mate. “I mean with Y/N/N.”

“What do you mean?” Alex asks as he leans over the table to play his next shot, “She’s just gone back with Nick.”

“Don’t think he means that.” Miles grinned at him after he missed the tricky shot he’d chosen.

Alex raises his eyebrows in a questioning way, getting the feeling that people were catching on to how you were around each other.

And that suspicion is confirmed when Jamie says, “You’re very touchy with each other.”

“Touchy?” Alex laughs, as he watches your brother take another shot, “Jamie mate, she was on your lap earlier.”

“Yeah, but she keeps like teasing you and messing with your hair and shit.” Matt chips in with his observations after missing his shot on the stripped balls.

Alex rolls his eyes, “Matt, you literally fucked with my hair earlier today and Jamie did it yesterday... You all like to fucking annoy me by doing that.”

Alex continues to defend the both of you even though he wishes he didn’t have to. “You know what she’s like when she’s drunk, she doesn’t leave anyone alone.”

“He has a point; she didn’t shy away from me kissing her.” Miles points out raising his pint to the drummer.

Matt fakes a gag then and says, “Leave her the fuck alone Kane.”

“But she loves me.” Miles pouts, resting a hand over his heart like Matt’s words had hurt him. “You definitely want me as your brother-in-law.”

Alex smiles to himself knowing that he was now 6 months ahead of Miles in that category. God, he loved you. He could definitely see a bright future with you, and he had every intention to marry you one day in the years to come.

“I’d rather go to a Radiohead gig.” Matt says which earns a laugh from everyone, knowing how the hatred between the bands still hadn’t died out.

~*~*~*~

A month later you thought you were doing well. You were very careful around everyone after Alex told you about the questioning he got after the bar.

You were just normal with each other throughout the days, not overly interacting with each other. But when Alex’s eyes were hidden by his sunglasses, he couldn’t help but let his eyes wonder.

And it definitely helped that it was your job to take pictures of him. You could stare at him all day that way, even if it was through a camera lens.

Moments alone came when you’d stay in the bus when they went on nights out and Alex would venture back early meaning on nights like that, he actually got to give you goodnight kisses like he loved doing. Other moments took place when he would wander off at the multitude of festivals they were doing.

You’d say you were going getting pictures of different acts that no one else wanted to go watch. Alex would say he was going for a walk about 20 minutes later. Purely coincidence that you met up with him on his walk after you’d taken a photo or two.

Other times you snuck into each other's hotel rooms about an hour after you’d all gone your separate ways. But it was your nights in the hotels that you loved the most.

You got your privacy, and it was secure. The same as it was when he came to your house before the tour or when you went to his.

You loved being alone with him.

And tonight, all the other lads had gone out to a party somewhere and Alex had been faking an illness all day so he could stay in and they wouldn’t ask questions. They wouldn’t think it was weird you not going because you rarely went out with them.

They knew you valued your sleep too much.

So that was why you were alone in the back lounge with Alex tonight. And you’d honestly had one of the best nights being your normal cuddly selves.

You’d just watched a film with each other whilst being cuddled up on the sofa and you very nearly fell asleep in his embrace, but you weren’t wasting a full night alone with him. After the film you both went out and got yourselves a takeout from a place just down the road.

You made it into a full date night which was fucking adorable. After food, you coexisted normally for a little while, Alex letting you lean back against him whilst you edited your photos on your night off.

You were a pro at it after so many years, so it took no longer than an hour for the ones promotion wanted of them all. Alex was quite happily watching you edit the pictures of him and his friends as he absentmindedly played with your hair, placed random little kisses on your neck or on the back of your head, and at one point he even sang.

It was a really beautiful song, one that you’d only heard once before when he let you listen to the album when it was finished.

You only knew the title because he said it often in the song but having your boyfriend softly sing Mad Sounds into your ear as you worked you wished you could freeze time and appreciate it. His voice was amazing as everyone knew, but hearing it so close and so soft, it was hard to keep shivers from running down your spine.

“Such a beautiful song Al.” You smile closing your laptop as you’d finished what you needed to do and he’d finished singing.

You turn to him a bit more and he smiles back at you, tucking a stray strand of your hair behind your ear. “Like you then.” Alex grins before pressing his lips to yours.

You smile into the kiss as the comment was very adorable of him, but when you pulled back bullying was in order, “You’re so cheesy.”

“You love it.” Alex grins as you get up and put your laptop away, but you grab your small Lumix camera and come to sit back down.

You grin as you come and sit back down, this time straddling his lap so you could get a few close ups of him looking cute. You bring the viewfinder up to your eye and once you see his adorable smile on the other side of the lens you capture the perfection.

“I do.” You grin back at him.

You like that Alex never shies away from you when you have a camera in your hand. You knew after this much time that he trusted you with what you were capturing, especially in these moments together they wouldn’t be seen by anyone else.

“However…” You say, putting the camera down for a moment, “Me and your music are nothing alike.”

Alex frowns at you a little then, his hands running up your thighs, pulling you a little closer, “I think a certain track and our text message history would claim otherwise.”

You roll your eyes then knowing he was talking about Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High? But when he grins at your eye roll you quickly snap another picture of him.

“I guess I shouldn't have got involved with a lyricist if I didn't want songs about me, should I?” You ask with a knowing smirk as you pull the camera away from your face.

You don’t bother checking it on the screen as it pops up, you already knew it would be a good picture. Not because you took it, but because it was of him and he was happy.

“No, probably not.” Alex chuckles as he takes the camera from you before raising it to take one of you.

You give him a pointed look after the photograph and joke, “You better hope you get to release your B-sides before Matt catches on.”

“I’ll be murdered, I have no doubt.” Alex grins and you burst out laughing at him being dramatic.

Alex thinks you look gorgeous though, so he raises your camera back up and you let him, not having a problem with him taking your picture. You smile at first but after he gets the first picture, he keeps looking through the viewfinder so you then puff your cheeks out jokingly and move closer to the camera.

Alex chuckles from behind it and he moves the camera from his face so you can both giggle together. He steals a kiss from you which you gladly accept, and you can't help but bite your lip afterwards.

He just looked so good. His skin was flawless these days and the fact that all of his fair wasn’t around his face anymore made his stunning jawline stand out. His brown eyes that were usually always hidden by sunglasses were shining brightly and the smile on his lips really showed how happy he was.

And seeing him happy made you happy. You could safely say you truly loved him. You’d do anything to keep you both as happy as you are now.

Whilst you’re deep in thought, Alex raises your camera back up to his eye which breaks your daydreaming about his features and you playfully roll your eyes.

“Smile for me Angel.” He asks and you do for one shot because he is pretty cute and pretty impossible not to smile at.

“Beautiful.” Alex confirms when he quickly looks down at the screen seeing the picture, he just caught of you.

“Like you then.” You use his own words against him with a playful smile.

Alex then puts your camera down to the side and with his newly free hand he cups the back of your neck and mumbles a ‘very good’ before bringing you in for a kiss. Playful and sweet were the only ways to describe it.

You just adored this alone time with him, sitting on his lap at the back bus, which was usually a very crowded area for you all to use, and you were kissing each other like it was just yesterday you got together. Everything still felt just as exciting and new and you never wanted his lips off yours.

You loved that it was you who got to run your fingers through his hair and pull on it when you wanted a kiss to carry on longer, like you just did. You loved the way his large hands held your hips, keeping you close to him.

But mostly you loved that he was always wanting affection. You’d not been in a relationship for a very long time so it made you nervous initially but there was something about Alex that you craved, and his affection was definitely one of those things that you were addicted to now.

You never wanted moments like these to end. But of course, that wouldn’t be realistic.

“I fucking knew it!”

You both pull away from each other to see Jamie with his jaw agape by the door. And your heart dropped to the ground.

“Jamie.” Alex says before Jamie can run out of the room.

“Oh I can’t fucking believe it.” He says, still stood there with his jacket in his hand but he looks like his whole world has ended. “I’ve gotta go get Matt.”

The panic in you rises then and you practically just off Alex’s lap and grab your intruders’ arm before he can turn back, “Jamie no, don’t.” You plead, pulling on his arm to come into the room.

He turns back towards you then and he lets himself be pulled into the room. His head is still baffled though which leads him to say rather loudly, “You’re shagging, aren’t you?”

Your eyes go wide at the volume of his voice and you scorn, “Jamie.” quietly as you pull him further into the room so you can shut the door once more.

His eyes go wide impossibly wider though and he gasps, “You are!” looking from you to Alex who was still sat down.

“Matt is going to fucking murder you.” Jamie chuckles looking Alex dead in the eye as you ensure that no one else is on the bus by looking down through the bunks (thankfully all the curtains were still open) to the front lounge and you saw no one down the other end.

“Jamie please don’t start.” You hear Alex say, evidently not wanting this to get out of hand.

You close the door and turn around to the still very shocked man and say, “I’ll explain just please shut up and sit down.”

So you did explain that you’d been seeing each other for months. Jamie was shocked because he only started to suspect something a month into the tour.

But after he’d let the information sink in, it wasn’t really so shocking anymore. Which is why you’d got onto the conversation of why it was still a secret after you’d been going out for months.

“You know he’d be fine.” Jamie tells you, sitting down opposite you both, trying to persuade you to tell Matt. “He wouldn’t actually kick off, you can both do what you like.”

“It’s not really just about Matt.” You tell him honestly from your point of view. “It’s about all of you making jokes and shit for months. I didn’t want that.”

“Y/N we wouldn’t do that.” Jamie says leaning towards the both of you from the other sofa, but you’re having none of it.

“Cookie you’re the worst one for it.” You say with a pointed look.

You then point to Alex, who you were sitting beside now and say, “I remember what you were like with him and Arielle.”

And it was a lot. They joked about it all the time to start with, and it was annoying for you, let alone Alex and her.

“Him and Arielle were different.” Jamie states, a little on the defensive side, but then he follows it up with, “You don’t make funny videos for a living, I actually respect you a hell of a lot for putting up with us.”

You shake your head and tell the tipsy, but now definitely more sober man, “You’re not that bad.”

“Oh, we are.” Jamie says and you laugh because you were just being polite.

They could be a handful sometimes if you were telling the truth. But you wouldn’t change anything about any of them. You loved them all because of who and how they were, and they were all your family.

Jamie follows up with, “I'm genuinely surprised you actually want to go out with him after knowing what he’s like.”

You giggle at that and just pout as you joke, “I know, but you’re taken Cookie, so I went for the next best thing.”

“Hey” Alex scoffs, looking towards you, pretending to be offended.

You and Jamie just laugh at him though, and you intertwine your fingers when you grab Alex’s hand to hold as a little apology. You’d be sure to actually swear to him that you were joking later though.

Jamie notes the gesture and he can see the little knowing smiles on your faces and his heart melts a bit for the both of you. You were both pretty cute with each other to be fair and the more that Jamie had been playing detective about it he thought that the two of you would be a pretty good match.

So he was genuinely happy for the both of you.

“And as for the jokes…” Jamie continues, causing the two of you to look back around at him. But Jamie looks at you as he says, “If it upset you, you know I wouldn't do it”

“I don’t mind the odd joke about me sucking his dick or whatever, but I’ll go crazy if that's all I hear about for the next year.” You tell him honestly.

You could handle jokes, it wasn’t anything new. They joked about your first boyfriend to Matt for the longest time and had done each time you got a new one.

You could take a joke. But not 24/7 like this tour would promise it would.

“Okay, never say that again.” Jamie pleads, the shocked look not coming off his face, but you and Alex just laugh at his reaction.

His head goes into his hands for a moment but afterwards he looks at you both and says, “Yeah, you don’t have anything to worry about, joke wise, until I get comfortable with this dynamic because that was strange coming from your mouth.”

“You’ve heard me say worse than that, surely?” You ask, very amused by his discomfort.

Jamie just blankly says, “Not about Alex… And you’re practically my sister.”

“Sorry Cookie. I’ve got a right to say rude jokes about my boyfriend when I want to. He can say ones about me but from your reaction I don’t think you want him to.”

He then looks Alex dead in the eye and begs, “Please don’t.”

You both just end up laughing.

~*~*~*~

You decided after that night that you would think about being more open to telling Matt about everything that was going on. Thankfully Jamie was quite respectful of the whole thing and actually kept your secret.

He didn’t make things awkward for you both either, if anything he helped you both out a lot. Sometimes when you were out with them Jamie would keep the others entertained so you could escape with Alex for a little bit on a ‘fag break’ which would consist of stolen kisses.

Other times when you were all out, Jamie would lowkey guilt trip Alex into going back with you early so no one asked questions which you loved him even more for.

During this month that Jamie knew though, you’d been trying to come up with a way to tell Matt. Because you weren’t stupid, you knew this couldn’t go on for much longer.

Each time you tried to tell him though something would happen which meant that you didn’t. Once you froze, unable to tell him because you just genuinely didn’t know how to.

It wasn’t exactly something that you could drop on him and expect him to be fine with. Your nerves probably didn’t help but other times when you worked up the courage to do it, other things would go wrong.

Matt was in a foul mood one of the times, so that was a no go. Miles and Nick came in and interrupted another time before you got the words out and it was like a never ending series of unfortunate events that stopped you.

Alex had politely offered to do it after a few failed attempts but you said that you’d be more comfortable doing it. Partly because you thought that you should be the one to tell your brother and partly because you knew Matt wouldn’t hit you.

But there had been multiple failed attempts since then so you thought that you may actually make it to the end of the summer festivals at this rate.

It was nearing the end of August now and you were all staying in a hotel again tonight as you’d got to the city they were performing in the day before the show. You were pleased because it meant another night in with Alex so after you’d all had your dinner downstairs you’d given him your spare key card for your room so he could come to you whenever he liked.

Alex told you that he was looking forward to using it and he was excited to spend another night with you. It warmed your heart hearing that and when he rang you at 9:30 saying he was just running to the shop to grab the both of you some snacks, he said he’d let himself in about 20 minutes when he got back.

And that is why you were a little surprised when there was knocking on the door about 10 minutes later. You thought that was fast for a start but you gave him the key card so you wouldn’t have to get up and answer the door.

“Come in!” You shout across the room hoping he would hear you.

It seems that he does but his muffled response is, “It’s locked.” when the handle doesn’t budge.

You roll your eyes and mumble, “That’s why I gave you a key.” under your breath as you get up off your bed and head to the door.

And you’re about to scorn him but when the door opens you don’t find your boyfriend. You find your brother.

“Hey.” Matt says, stepping into your room after the door opens.

You’re shocked by his presence but try and act as calm as possible when you say, “Hey, you alright?”

Thank fuck you were still dressed. And thank fuck Alex wasn’t already here because you didn’t want him to find out like that.

But then you realised he’d be here in 10 minutes or so. And that made you want to get Matt out as quickly as possible.

“I’m fine, are you?” Your brother asks once he picks up the complimentary chocolate that the hotel had put on your bed which you were saving for later.

Any other night you would have ripped the shit out of him for coming in and doing that but now was not the time. You were borderline panicking as you were about to be caught out. But you try and disguise that as best as possible.

“Yeah, great thanks.” But really you’re just thinking, Shit.

Your brother asks you, “What do you have planned for tonight?”

Thinking on your feet all you can come up with is, “Just editing more pictures.”

“Fancy blowing it off and watching Netflix with me?” Matt questions and you all of a sudden feel really guilty that you want him to leave as much as you do.

You pull a little bit of a face at his question and try to carry on your lie, “Oh, I would but I’m honestly not feeling all that great after tea, so I was just gunna get an early night after I’ve done a few more pictures.”

“Funny that.” Your brother states when you turn away from him to grab your laptop from your bag as he sits himself down at the end of your bed.

You move towards the little desk that was in the room though and ask, “What is?”

“Alex isn’t feeling too well either.”

Well shit. You were too alike for your own good, coming up with the same excuses without telling the other.

“Oh?” You question, shitting it at this point, so you just open up your MacBook to distract you. “Maybe it was something we ate downstairs?”

All your brother replied was, “Doubt that because I had the same thing as you both.”

You choose no response as your best response and just continue to pull up a picture of Matt you hadn’t finished editing on photoshop yet. Being creative always eased your nerves so hopefully him watching you edit a picture of him would distract him.

“Y/N.” Matt says, trying to gain your attention.

You instead just carry-on messing with the photograph and suggest, “Maybe you should go check on our friend bro, could be being sick for all we know. Wouldn’t make for the prettiest show tomorrow”

“Y/N…” Matt says once more, and you know he wants you to look at him.

So you do and you see your brother sat on the end of your bed, looking at you. He asks in a serious yet calm tone, “Is Alex really ‘just a friend’ anymore?

Well. You guess you didn’t have to find a way to tell him anymore.

You sigh and shake your head, “No.” and as you close your laptop you tell the truth, “He’s a lot more.”

Matt can tell you’re serious straight away just by the way you were looking at him. And it makes him shake his head a bit in disbelief. He says calmly but in a tone that worries you, as he also runs a hand through his hair, “I knew it.”

“Please don’t be angry Matt.” You all but beg as you turn in your chair towards him more. “It’s my fault we didn't tell you sooner... I didn’t want things to be different with the group, so I was the one who wanted to keep it a secret.”

“You know you didn’t have to do that, right?” Matt has to ask you, feeling awful that you felt like you couldn’t tell him something. “I just want you to be happy... Al’s practically family so of course I want the same for him.”

“I know, I’m really sorry…” You trail off for a second, “It just got to a point where I didn’t know how to tell you and when I tried to things always got in the way.”

Matt nods completely understanding that. At least you wanted to tell him.

“When did it start?” Is the question Matt asks you next.

“New Year’s Day” You say quickly before wincing a little, hearing that it has been 8 months out loud.

You felt so bad.

Matt is shocked by that news too, “That long...? Really?”

“Yeah.” You nod, feeling awful, “I’m sorry.”

Matt ends up asking you a few more questions after that which were pretty much big brother sort of questions, making sure Alex was treating you right and stuff like that. Thankfully this had all gone very plain sailing and Matt was happy for you like you both knew he would be.

And he had forgiven you for not telling him for so long too which was a big relief. It felt like a massive weight off your shoulders.

So much so that you had to get up off your seat and give him a hug. Matt stood up for the embrace, so you got to hug him properly and it was such a lovely warm hug that you felt like you hadn’t had in such a long time.

Halfway through that long hug though, both you and Matt hear the door to your room unlock. You press your lips together and wince a little knowing exactly what is about to happen.

“Hey Y/N/N.” You hear Alex say from somewhere behind you and you let go of Matt and both of you look towards Alex now closing the door, not yet noticing the situation.

After he closes the door though, he begins to say before he turns towards you, “I got you thes- oh”

Matt smiles though seeing your favourite flowers in his best friend’s hand. You can’t help but smile at the sight of them too, and his face falling realising Matt was here was a little funny too.

He looked a little scared.

“I’m glad you’re treating her right Al.” Matt tells him, and Alex struggles with his words for a second and he looks to you for help.

“I just told him.” You nod confirming it out loud for him.

Alex’s eyes go from you back to his best mate then and he starts, “Listen Matt, I’m sor-”

But Matt interrupts, “No no I don’t need an apology.” He shakes his head, “Just don’t fuck it up.” He then looks between the both of you, “Either of you... Because that would make for a really awkward tour.”

You smile at that and say, “I don’t plan on doing, and I know he doesn’t either.”

Matt grins at you then and he looks back to Alex and takes a few steps towards him. He points a finger to his chest and says very seriously, “Make her cry Turner, and I'll castrate you.”

Alex slowly nods, “Noted”

Matt must then break into a grin because Alex does too, and your brother then heads over to the door.

Matt turns back towards you and says, “Have a nice night love birds.” and walks out with a grin and he shuts the door behind him.

Both you and Alex stay silent for a second looking at the door almost in disbelief that the thing you’d both waited 8 months to do, was now over. Alex turns around to look at you and you’re both just awkwardly smiling at each other.

Alex puts the plastic bag filled with snacks down on the table he was standing beside and says, “Well you could have pre warned me.”

You shake your head, “I didn’t know he was coming. But he asked me to watch Netflix with him and apparently I gave the same excuse as you.”

“Oh fuck. Clever, aren’t we?” Alex chuckles a little and you nod in response.

Alex holds up the flowers he got for you and you can’t help but smile, “Well, I was hoping to surprise you with these, but you definitely won on the surprise front tonight.”

You giggle at that and you lean up to kiss him after taking the flowers from him, “Thank you my love.”

You briefly put them down whilst you say, “At least we don’t have to stay away from each other anymore.”

“Never going to let you go now Darling.” Alex chuckles before picking you up in a hug and spinning you around. You can’t help but giggle.

The next morning you both ventured downstairs to have breakfast with the others and found that they were all there waiting for you at your table with knowing looks. You and Alex just had grins on your faces knowing Matt would have gone around and told them all before you even got the chance.

They were all of course happy for you but of course you got some jokes and some questions. Jamie had got a bit used to it now, so he was starting with his jokes in private to you but when you sat down, he asked the both of you, “Suck his dick last night?”

“Wow, you’ve been waiting for that one, haven’t you?” You laugh, sitting yourself down next to him, immediately reaching for the menu so you could see what was on offer for breakfast.

The table obviously all laughed, and it was all fun and playful as you imagined it would be. You were glad Matt wasn’t cringing at all the details that you were giving out, as it was things like how far back moments happened, like when Alex asked you out officially and stuff like that.

All of the lads seemed really happy for you and even some of your other friends that were a part of the crew were shocked but buzzing for you. Alex got loads of people saying, ‘You better treat her right’ which made you laugh a lot.

But thankfully it was business as usual, just with the addition of getting to hold his hand and kiss him the odd time when you wanted. You’d rather most of your affection be in private though so not much had really changed on the social front.

Even when you were trying to be discrete about it, you didn’t find it too hard because you were still just the same Y/N and Alex. You’d been friends for years, so the dynamic shift wasn’t all that drastic.

You both were just the same friends that you could walk next to each other and it just be normal. You didn’t have to be touching each other all the time, you’d go walk with Miles or Nick and just go spend time with Alex every now and then.

You were glad that things never felt too different.

You guess the only thing that marginally was different was the first night back on the bus after you’d been staying in the hotel. You were all heading to bed and when you came out of the bathroom after changing, you headed to your own bunk, but then realised you didn’t actually need to.

Alex’s bunk was the top bunk in the middle, so you walked right past your own and straight to his. He was just in his boxers like most of the lads usually were when they slept on this bus.

“Hey.” You say with a big smile.

“Hey.” Alex grins, his messy hair almost falling into his eyes. He makes you smile when he says, “Was just about to come kiss you”

“Vile.” You hear Miles gag from the bunk directly below and you look down at him and frown.

“Miles, he kisses you... What are you on about?” You question, not understanding.

They were literally always touchy feely with each other which you thought was cute and adorable. They’d always been great mates and were close enough to actually perform together using one microphone.

So it made you laugh when Alex lent down over his bunk to say, “Little offended there mate.” to his friend.

Nick bursts out laughing at your backchat and Alex’s hurt and you chuckle along before you glance back to your boyfriend. Once his head was the right way up again you smile at him.

“I can join you for the night now, right?” You ask him and you love the smile that comes to his lips.

He nods, “Course you can.”

So Alex shuffles back in the bunk, enough for you to comfortably jump up and once you lay beside him you can’t stop grinning. It definitely felt weird to be in a bunk with him for everyone to see but it definitely makes you happy, even if it was a tight squeeze.

“Hi” You grin at him as he’s on his side, his back pressed to the wall of the bunk, looking down on you.

“Hey beautiful.” Alex says before he leans down and kisses you.

You of course kiss him back but after a second you quickly part so you can reach down to the curtain and pull it closed. You doubt that Nick wanted to watch from the bunk opposite.

As soon as your lips were back attached to Alex’s though you hear Nick whisper shout to everyone, “It’s starting!”

If your eyes were open, you would have rolled when but you just try to keep the smile off your lips, so you don’t ruin the kiss. And thankfully you both controlled yourselves enough to hold your smiles so you could indulge in a very nice kiss.

“If I hear anything come from that bunk, you don’t want to know what will happen.” Matt calls out loudly and you break apart from the kiss to laugh.

It seems like everyone else found it comical too, but it was even funnier when Jamie asked him, “What are you gunna do? Cry?”

“Fuck off Cookie.” Your brother says back, and you chuckle at that too.

You and Alex keep your curtain closed as the rest of them chat away and you get yourselves comfortable in the bunk. You are basically cuddled together in the bunk, with the duvet over you both, you still on your back and Alex tucked into your neck as he lay on his side.

You were glad you didn’t feel like you were about to roll out of the bunk, so it definitely made sense you were that way around. That and Alex quite liked to pick his head up every few minutes and trap you in another kiss.

A trap you certainly didn’t mind.

Usually when you all got in your bunks, curtains would stay open as you would all chat to each other and one by one curtains would close until you were all knackered and pass out until the next day. So, it wasn’t a shock that tonight you were all talking for quite a while, you and Alex just chatting to each other quietly in your bunk, liking the privacy that the curtain provided.

But after about 15 minutes someone shouted your name, popping yours and Alex’s bubble.

“Y/N?” You hear Jamie call you.

You smile knowing a joke was bound to come your way and respond, “Yeah?”

“I’ve got a question for you.” He informs and you can practically hear him smiling.

You grin at Alex and shout back to Jamie, “Okay, go on.”

“You know because you’re a photographer... Does that mean you take pictures of you and Alex in the bedroom?” Jamie asks teasingly and your immediately roll your eyes, but it doesn’t stop you from playing along.

“Shit.” You say jokingly loud, “How do they know?” You scorn Alex jokingly and he’s just silently laughing.

“Matt.” You call and joke, “Maybe don’t go through that SD card tomorrow.”

Earlier on he asked to see some of the pictures after the gig tonight and you said he could look through them before you started editing them tomorrow.

“I’ll burn it” Matt says back, and you just start silently giggling.

“What are you both up to in there?” You both hear Nick ask.

Alex says in a teasing voice, “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Both of you have another few kisses in the time between those jokes and the next time you were heckled. But you were just cuddled when they next started joking.

“They are very quiet up there.” You both hear Miles say.

You shake your head and Alex sighs a little as you hear the rest of them chuckle.

“You doing good? You getting it up, Al?” Miles asks and you both feel him punch the top of his bunk, subsequently the bottom of yours.

You aren’t surprised when Alex doesn’t grace him with an answer.

“Very quiet indeed.” Nick laughs, more than likely looking down at Miles so they could share a laugh.

Jamie seems to jump in then with, “They are definitely biting their tongues.”

“Fuck off all of you.” Matt gets defensive but that just makes it comical.

You decided to upset your brother then by pretending to be annoyed when you scorn them, “You’re all really ruining the mood.”

Alex chuckles at that then, even though you weren’t doing anything. That is what made it funnier to him though.

“Sorry, do you need silence for Alex to get you off.” Jamie asks and it makes you roll your eyes at the question.

You reply, “No.” as an idea comes to mind.

“So you don't mind us carrying on talking then?” Miles asks teasingly. You can practically hear the smirk.

You backchat with, “Not if yous don't mind some noises too?”

“Fire away Hun.”

You brother almost shouts in distress, “No don’t. Both of you stay very fucking quiet.”

Jamie defends you both then, “Oh right so it’s alright when you and Breana fuck but when it’s Alex and Y/N you’re suddenly a prude.”

An argument starts out then with Matt defending himself and then Jamie defending you and so on and then it becomes a big thing. But you find it quite funny that Matt is getting annoyed, so you decide to make your own joke too.

“Al” You whisper, and he looks up at you for you to ask him, “Have you ever seen When Harry Met Sally?”

“Yeah, I watched it with you on the last tour.” He whispers back, reminding you.

You remember him doing now. You’d all had a movie night on the bus during the Suck It And See tour and because you were a little depressed they let you choose the film and you chose that one because it made you laugh.

“Okay, good.” You smirk knowing exactly what you were about to do.

Your boyfriend doesn’t yet get it though, so he asks in a whisper, “Why?”

“Alex” You say a bit louder, a smile you couldn’t hold back drawing to your face.

“What babe?” He asks you and you have to close your eyes, so you don’t break and start laughing.

You try to make your voice sound sultrier and you fake moan louder, “Oh god.”

At that though the boys arguing dies down as Alex whispers, “What are you doing?”

You hold your laugh and, “Alex.” falls from your lips in a breathy moan. And it’s loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Y/N, fuck off.” You hear your brother shout, clearly not amused.

You however come straight back with a very load moan of, “Alex fuck.”

“Matt I’m not touching her.” Alex shouts and you open your eyes to see Alex propped up to the side of you, looking at you like he was scared.

You don’t give it a second thought before you gasp even louder, “Right there Al”

You can hear Miles cackling below you both and you don’t let up with the moans you’re making despite wanting to laugh too. Next you raise your hand up to the ceiling of the bunk as if you’re using it to brace yourself, “Fuck.”

“Oh my god, don’t stop.” You plead in a desperate way as you look to your mortified boyfriend.

“Y/N shut up.” Alex whispers, but it just makes you carry on more.

The fake moans fall from you lips, filling the bunks with your pleads and gasps. Alex is still mortified, but the laughter coming from Jamie, Nick, and Miles just fuels you on.

You go fully Sally Albright on them. A series of loud moans leave your lips like:

“Yes Alex yes!”

“Faster.”

“Oh god.”

“Don’t stop!”

Alex shouts over your loud voice, “Matt, I fucking swear I’m not touching her!”

The way you moan, “Fuck Al” seems to just dismiss what Alex said straight away though.

“Stop!” Matt shouts back, obviously angry now.

You immediately contradict in a fake moan, “Don’t stop!”

“Alex!” You all but scream as you bang on the ceiling of the bunk again a few times.

You go to take it a step further, but you’re apparently not allowed, “Fuck, Alex plea-”

Your boyfriend puts his hand over your mouth so you can’t carry on. However, you just start dramatically fake moaning, and it sounds a lot dirtier because his hand is over your mouth.

You carry on until you get a rise out of Matt despite Alex pleading with you to stop with a scared look on his face. But you know your brother was about to stop so you just looked at your boyfriend’s gorgeous brown eyes and carried on.

And before you know it Matt is swearing getting himself out of his bunk and the curtain of yours is practically ripped open. As soon as you see sight of your brother you stop the fake moans completely as if it never happened.

Alex holds both his hands up in the air as if he’s being held at gunpoint. Matt can quite clearly see you're fully clothed and have a massive shit eating grin on your face.

“Damn that was good, thanks Al.” You joke to your boyfriend but you’re looking at your brother.

Matt holds up a finger at you and warns, “You’re on very thin ice right now.”

He looks angry and embarrassed all at once. He’s bright red but looks absolutely fuming so you can’t stop your laugh.

You giggle questioning, “Why because you know your best mate can fuck your sister?”

Jamie bursts out laughing at that and you crumble into a louder laugh.

“Stop it.” Alex gasps, playfully hitting your shoulder once again looking petrified as he glanced from you to your brother.

“I don’t need to hear whatever that was.” Matt scorns you and you’re very quick to give him some backchat.

“Did you just admit to us all that you’ve never given Bre an orgasm? Because if you don’t know what those sounds were then I feel sorry for her.” You joke back trying to be cocky.

Jamie’s laugh echoes through the bus and you can hear Miles cackling from below. You could see Nick gasping for breath in a fit of laughter and Alex gasps in shock from beside you.

“You need to fuck off Y/N.” Matt gives you one more death glare before he stalks back to his bunk.

“Oh pull the drum stick out your arse!” You say getting a little annoyed at how your brother couldn’t take a joke. “You better hope our hotel rooms are never next to each other.”

“Shut the fuck up. I won’t tell you again.” Matt says as he gets back into his bunk and shuts his curtain in a strop.

“Aw…” You pout turning back to Alex in your bunk. You give him a quick kiss and then joke, “Better save the next orgasm for the next hotel Darling.”

“I’m begging you to stop talking.” Alex shakes his head, still looking at you a little shocked that you’d actually done what you just had.

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you from Matt.” You giggle, and you say louder so the bus can hear you, “He’s not that scary... Just gotta bring up the time he shat himself when we were in the bat house in Chester Zoo and he quietens right down.”

You all hear Matt shout, “Fuck off!”

You and everyone else on the bus, bar Matt, started laughing then and you were still giggling away when you cuddled yourself into your boyfriend's body. Jamie and Miles begin to applaud you during their continued laughter which just makes your giggles difficult to silence.

Alex is still half shocked as he cuddled you into him, loving your humour but not actually believing you just faked an orgasm that loud on a tour bus surrounded by all your mates and your brother. He shakes his head and kisses the top of yours before telling you, “You’re gunna be the death of me.”

“Least it’ll be a fun death.” You joke and Alex laughs.

“You’re right.” Alex chuckles when you look up at him. You're grinning like an idiot and Alex tells you, “I love you, you psycho.”

“Love you too, weirdo.” You grin and proceed to kiss him sweetly.

After the kiss though you actually want to go to sleep in your boyfriend's arms peacefully. So despite Nick, Miles, and Jamie all still chuckling away, you turn back towards the curtain to redraw it and as you do you catch Jamie’s eye.

You wink at him before drawing the curtain and Jamie wolf whistles, which has you and Alex giggling away together as you cuddle yourself into him once more. You kiss Alex once more before playfully calling out to the others who were still laughing, “Night boys”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Thank you for reading x

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thefallenbibliophilequote · 3 years

Text

Blank Space

Loki x Reader

1989, chapter 2

"There once was a girl known by everyone and no one"

Summary: It's hard to find the one, but even if you do find him it's always going to be a daily struggle to make it work. Can you even make it work after he broke your heart? The answer to that is complicated, but it all started when you found each other again in the stark tower- and that's where our story begins.

Word count: 4,864

Warnings: medium level angst I guess, and language as always.

A/N: writing this was challenging and I complained about this for like half of my mutuals lol. However, I did find the perfect song to mix with the title track obv and it was perfect to show their past. You will learn more about their past in future chapters.

A/N: thanks to @chrissquares for making me beautiful dividers especially for this series and @nacho-bucky for beta reading it all! A reminder to check out the song before reading/during!

No one is allowed to repost my writing or steal or copy my work! Reblog on tumblr is fine.

Series masterlist

song on Spotify and YouTube

"You know him? Y/N, why didn't you tell us?" Steve scolded you as you sat in one of the rooms, in front of him, Natasha, Thor, and Tony. This felt more like an interrogation than a talk.

"Is this an interrogation?" you looked him dead in the eyes, you saw him falter.

"It doesn't have to be if you don't lie to us again."

"I never lied to you."

"You held back information." Natasha said then.

"Fine, yes I know him, I knew him." You sighed, remembering the night you met him, before everything went wrong.

You were walking through the park in the night, was it dangerous? Of course, but you needed to clear your head. That was when you saw him, sitting on a bench in the rain. He was different, you knew that the minute you noticed him- it wasn't even the weird attire he wore, but rather the feeling that came along with him, you didn't feel threatened and you have mace in your bag, so you approached him.

"You will get a cold if you keep sitting in the rain, don't you have an umbrella?" he looked at you and you got shivers from his blue eyes.

"No, I will be fine. Thank you my lady for your concern." God was his voice enchanting. Curiousity got the better of you then.

"You saw him on earth and you didn't say anything? He is not allowed to be here." Tony said, his fingers fidgeting with his cuffs.

"I knew him long before the invasion happened, it wasn't near the time when I became an avenger, or on shield's radar at all." You tried to explain yourself to them. You never lied to then, you never thought you'd see him again especially in the tower. "Look it is all in the past, there is no reason to talk about it."

"You were mad when you saw him, why was that?" Natasha glanced at you, you knew she would read you if you lied.

"Well, I knew him for a while. But he is the god of lies, I don't like being lied to. So that says it all." You shrugged it off.

"So you won't tell me where you're from?"

"I told you, I'm from England."

"No you're not, you're a pretty lousy liar you know?" you smirked at his taken aback look.

"I think you'd be surprised."

"Nope, I can already tell- you're a bad liar. Or you might be good, but I'm better." He gave you a curious look as the rain kept falling around you, the umbrella you were both sitting under protected you.

"He never mentioned you, or going to earth at all. When was this?" Thor asked you.

"Around 2009" it was so long ago, you now realized, but it still felt close to you.

"You should take my umbrella." You suggested to the man but he just laughed as you sat beside him. "What? You said that you need to go, and I live closer than you, I'll be just fine without it, the thunder doesn't scare me."

"I am not quite fond of it actually. But you should get home, it is getting late." He smiled at you and you got up.

"Let's make a trade then, you will take my umbrella" the two of you stood now. "And you will give me your name."

He eventually took the umbrella with a smile, his fingers were cold when they lightly brushed yours, and you went your separate ways.

"You have no reason not to trust me, I never saw him again after 2011!" you just wanted them to understand that it is all behind you.

"I never said I don't trust you, but kid why would you hide this from us?" Steve asked you, you were pretty close, he was kind of like a protective older brother to you- ironic since he is pretty reckless and Bucky is saner than him, but he cared about you.

"It isn't important Steve, he is a liar that isn't new to any of us. It's nothing personal or important anymore."

"Kid it seems pretty personal-" Tony started to say.

"Well it's not!"

"Okay fine, but just know that he will be here for a while until we figure out and deal with this hydra shit. Then after that Point Break over here will take him away." Tony was sincere now, you could see the worry in his eyes, you knew he was affected by the invasion the most. "So take my advice, and make sure that it really isn't personal."

You nodded to him.

"You are however more than welcome to throw him in a little nightmare, I'll pay you." He smiled and you chuckled.

"What are you saying Stark? My lady," oh you haven't heard that in a while. Fuck. "Do not give my brother nightmares, however you plan on doing that." He looked you up and down, and it was as if you could read him like an open book, you didn't have to use any of your powers because you already knew exactly what he thought in his head.

"I'll stay away from him. Just make sure he does the same."

You looked innocent, not harmful, the kind of girl you would offer help to with even the smallest stuff- a good girl. That's what they all saw before getting to know you, and maybe that was you before you got these dark powers, you knew you missed the old you but you could barely remember her.

•

"Are you certain that's what they said?" Natasha asked you from the kitchen table as you made her pancakes.

"I know, it sounds weird but it's Asgardian, they have weird names. Plus I doubt they were lying, they were sleep deprived and I can assure you they have been through a lot of stuff before I started to actually talk to them. Ready?" you looked back at her and she nodded.

You threw the pancake back and by the small 'yay' Natasha let out, you didn't have to turn back to know she caught it with her plate.

"Well, I think I'll go and make them write it down because I am certain we are pronouncing it incorrectly."

"Well I tried! Their accent didn't help at all!" you defended yourself.

"You're still pronouncing it wrongly." You froze, turning around to look at Loki and Thor who walked towards the kitchen. "One would think it was made up by how horribly you ruined the word. How would you know they were truthful after all? What could you have possibly done?"

You held his gaze before deciding to not retort back, you ignored that curious familiar look. He has some nerve to talk. You sat in front of Natasha with your own batch of pancakes, the room was quiet before Thor chimed in to break the tension.

"Are those the cakes from the pan? Oh they are tasty! Would you mind making me and my brother some, Lady Y/N?" Thor was actually nice, how could you say no?

"Of course!" you got up with a smile. "Oh, but I'm afraid there isn't enough batter for the two of you I'm afraid."

You let a small frown take over your face, and you saw Natasha's small smile when you turned to make Thor some pancakes.

"You are a bad liar." Loki pointed out and you didn't have to think.

"I fooled you." Soon enough you turned around to give Thor his pancakes with a smile, pouring the rest of the batter in the sink before sitting down to eat. "Oh and Thor, this is the second warning about what we discussed yesterday, I won't hesitate."

"Very well, however you never did tell me what-"

"It's not important." Thor glared at his brother.

"Brother please be more civil, it's for your benefit." You felt Loki's gaze on you as you ate.

"Do tell me brother, how is it for my benefit?" Loki chuckled.

"Well, you have wronged a lot of people here, and so lady Y/N agreed to not harm you if you stay away. We are here to help my friends!" Thor's booming voice alongside his hopeful smile contrasted his brother's.

You should have known he would test it.

"Oh, and how can she harm me now?" the minute Loki uttered these words you glanced at him for a moment, and the next thing he knew, his heart beat loudly as he fell down from the portal in New York, terrified when he saw the Chitauri around him, one monster opened its mouth and Loki was a moment from dying in its clutches when he heard Thor's voice.

"Enough!" Thor said sternly and Loki was back in the kitchen, disoriented as he took in his surroundings. You only nodded at Thor before you kept eating. Loki disappeared a moment later with a green shimmer.

"I don't like using my powers Thor, but if you care for your brother keep him civil." You said, sorry that Thor had to get offended by it too.

"I understand, but he is here to help right now, mere comments are the least harmful things he could do, there is no need to take it to heart." He put a hand on your shoulder and it was warm enough to get you to agree with him. Stopping hydra should be your top priority.

•

"I hate it when he does that." Tony groaned at the marking on the ground just outside of the compound.

Thor and Loki were now back at the palace gates, they heard a call, and Loki turned to see Iyllir walking up to him. She smiled at him and he smiled back, grateful for the lack of observant eyes to tell his fake smiles apart from the real ones.

"Prince Loki, what took you so long? You missed our picnic." The lady put her arm through his and he heard his brother snicker.

"How unfortunate. My brother and I still have very urgent business to tend to. I must go to a court meeting now." Loki gently tugged his hand out of hers.

"I thought you said this won't take long?" she frowned at him. She certainly was beautiful, with red hair and grey eyes, always majestic like a lady, and yet he couldn't follow both of their families' wishes.

"Well I am afraid things have changed, I won't stay here for long this visit." With that he went and followed his brother towards the big doors that opened for them and he saw Odin there alongside trusted advisers and of course- the warriors three. And then the meeting began.

Loki sat in his chair, bored as they talked about the mortals.

"Father, I can assure you that as of now there is no need in sending Asgardian forces there. My friends are handling it well now." Thor explained to his father and Loki couldn't help but get distracted.

"Let me help you, Y/N" he asked you, chuckling and biting his lip when you glared at him.

"I can handle it Loki!" you said as you tried to handle the pile of books in your hands so you could get the key for your apartment. He was thankful that you couldn't see his face now as he watched you struggle to balance the books on your thigh.

You let out a small shriek as the books fell out and were about to hit the floor when they just stopped midair, and you looked at Loki only to see him leaning on the wall, arms crossed with a smug smile on his face.

"I bet you liked my help now." You groaned.

"Yes thank you and your stupid magic Loki." You leaned down to pick up the books and stack them again after opening your door.

"If I remember correctly you were, oh what's the word- petrified when you first saw my magic"

"That is a big exaggeration! I was just a bit… startled maybe." You walked into the apartment and he closed the door behind you when you suddenly stopped, turning to him with an annoyed shocked expression, your mouth agape and your eyes wide and not amused. "You knocked my books down!"

You were met with a mischievous grin.

"You hurt my feelings darling, do you have any proof?" you huffed out a breath.

"You are insufferable!"

"You seem to manage so far."

"From what I gathered so far, the group called Hydra there seemed to have a hold of some old weapons of ours, nothing too big yet but we are looking into it to find out if there is more stuff we don't know about."

"And do you really think the mortals can handle this?" Odin asked the brothers.

"Yes father, they are very powerful." Loki couldn't help but agree with Thor, they really did manage to surprise him this time. He never expected her.

•

"What is this A children's playground? Stop pulling your punches and fight me." You grunted as you tried hitting Bucky again, you've been too distracted lately, your training didn't go too well and you ended up on the mat more often than not. At this point you considered just using your powers to make it seem like you're winning but now you were fighting Bucky, and from the day you met him you swore to yourself that you will never use your powers on him. He doesn't need anyone messing with his mind again.

So long story short you were getting your ass handed to you.

"I'm not a supersoldier may I remind you, so I'm sorry if I am a little tired! Bucky come on let's take a break." You ducked another punch.

"Maybe your mind just isn't with us right now." Natasha helpfully provided as she sat on the side with a smoothie.

"Fuck off."

"No, really, what is your deal with Loki?" at his mention you delivered a kick to Bucky that made him fall on the mattress with a thud.

"Nothing. Is this good enough for you now Bucky?" you reached out a hand to help him up.

"Now that we got you riled up about him, yes- let's go again." He laughed at the glare you gave him. Your jaw clenched as the two of you got into position.

"Bring it on, Barnes." He went in with his left arm now.

"I will, how did you know him? It certainly looks pretty personal and in-" you turned him around and pinned him to the ground.

"Shut up, just fight me." You heard Natasha laugh beside you and in that moment Bucky took advantage and got you on the ground instead. And you went back.

"What the fuck!" you screamed when you saw the figure in your room, Loki stood there, his face scrunched up.

"Sorry, my love."

"We talked about this Loki, you can't just teleport here- especially when I am sleeping!" you sighed when you saw his regretful face. "Don't stand there like a creep, come here I missed you."

He smiled and you closed your eyes, you still saw the green light that lit up the room when he changed his clothes and got under the covers with you. His hand was cold, making your skin prickle but it was worth it when he pulled you to him and the warmth spread between the two of you.

You fell asleep content with a smile on your face at the kisses he laid on your neck.

"Y/N?"

"What?" you looked up at Bucky who sat back on his heels, his brow was raised.

"You kind of spaced out, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm- I'm fine. I probably should go though." you got up. "Bruce probably needs help in the lab."

•

"You did not tell father about lady Y/N." Thor stated the obvious.

"Don't call her that. Why would I do that? She is of no import." Loki walked towards his chambers, but alas Thor decided to escort him there with preying questions.

"How did none of us know that you spent time in Midgard?" Thor stopped Loki with a hand on his shoulder.

"That was a long time ago brother."

"And yet it seems that you have quite a history, what happened between the two of you? Were the two of you…?" Thor trailed off and Loki groaned.

"Don't insinuate that, there wasn’t anything. We knew each other for a while and then we didn't. Now, if you will excuse me, I'll go to my room. Alone."

Loki shut the door behind him, in his mind he still saw you and your eyes and then the flashes of the battle of New York. The day was tiring; he decided to get some much needed rest, to get you out of his mind.

The day was exhausting; he had to stay back in Asgard. He couldn't put up illusions all the time, it was taking a toll on him, but it was worth it in his eyes.

The palace was now quiet as everybody went to sleep. Loki wanted to rest too, so he snuck out towards the bifrost. Heimdall had already seen him coming, and was ready to open the way.

"Are you going to keep going to her every night, my prince?" Heimdall asked him and Loki let out a smile.

"Yes. Thank you, truly for keeping this a secret for so long." Heimdall only nodded at him.

"If you are going to keep sneaking out to see her, someone will end up seeing you sometime." Heimdall stepped down and came to Loki. "I think I should show you another way to pass through the realms, I think you are mad enough in love for it to work for you."

When Heimdall showed him the way, he thanked him sincerely, it looked impossible at first but soon enough he was there in your room. You already fell asleep. He watched your figure as you rested, your state of calmness washed over him, and then you suddenly screamed at him, maybe he should have tried to wake you sooner, it didn't exactly matter to him much when just a few moments later he was curled up in the warmest bed he'd ever known.

•

"So you see, this part here it seems to be controlled by the holder of the gun, that must be the Asgardian tech combined with our own." Bruce told you as you gently examined the weapon.

"Damn, how long do you think they had that then? Like, just the time that it took them to develop it…" you thought. There were probably much worse things out there at their hands.

"I'd say at least a couple of months. It's a shame about those scientists." He hesitated to say that and you knew why.

"I didn't know they had that, no one checked their teeth. I was doing my job. It's okay, you can talk about it." You shrugged it off. With a power like yours, you have to get used to using it, you must fit yourself to it… because it certainly won't happen the other way around. But you were fine. You were different now.

Right?

"Well, next time we will check their teeth, to make sure this won't repeat itself. But at least we got some information before that's good right?" you nodded to Bruce and took out the bullets from one of the guns. There was something red, or was it orange, inside it. You examined it closer, moving towards the microscope to try to see for yourself before you ask Bruce about it.

Curiousity killed the cat.

Before you could reach the table, there was a warm sensation in your hand where you held it and then all you knew was that your hand hurt and you hit the floor, the bullet exploding with whatever was in it. Maybe you should've worn gloves.

Oh well, satisfaction resurrected it.

"Bruce, did you see that?"

"Yes Y/N, are you okay?"

"My head hurts but I'm fine, did you know those bullets do that?" you got up a little too fast for Bruce and your head's liking, but you went to the table nevertheless.

"No, they were fine before, you shouldn't have touched them," he fussed around.

"But I saw something-"

"You need to ice your head, tell me or Cho if you feel anything weird. This isn't something we know about Y/N." he handed you an ice pack for your head and told you to sit down, to which you grumbled but obeyed.

"Ah, Y/N, F.R.I.D.A.Y has been telling me that you've been trying to blow up the lab." Tony laughed at you as he entered.

"No, I would never try to steal your job." You shot back and he winked.

"Okay Elsa, I thought you'd like to know that we managed to make sense of some of the files we found in the warehouse and it looks like they have been making trades and dividing what they found."

"What do you mean?" Bruce asked him.

"That place we found was only dedicated to create a couple of things, but they have more out there, dedicated to building who knows what." Tony groaned, "We will need to divide and conquer this, we can't waste time and there is no way I am letting those Asgardian warriors come here. Don't blow things up kiddo!" you nodded to him, things were getting worse by the minute. You pressed your hand holding the ice pack harder against the back of your head. You were not looking forward to tomorrow, so you kept Bruce company until you were too tired to push it any longer. You went to bed and magically managed to convince Bruce to go to sleep.

•

You woke up groaning, you apparently forgot to close the blinds the night before. Going back to sleep will only cause you to oversleep, which will cause Steve to activate the stupid alarm protocol Tony built for him after you annoyed him.

You did not want to wake up to old Captain America songs blasting your ears off.

So you got up and after a short breakfast you reluctantly got on with your duties and important paperwork.

"Miss Y/L/N, you called me? I'm Mike, you asked for an analysis check on some data?" you turned to him then from looking at the board in the small conference room.

"Yes! Hi Mike, thank you. We have some encryptions that probably lead to very specific locations, check radars of isolated places or you know what- scratch that, they could be under our nose in the middle of a city." You looked at him apologetically. "Sorry, I can't narrow it down but we do need those answers as soon as possible. Okay?"

The poor guy looked horrified, his brown eyes were wide and you let out a small sorry when you handed him the big file.

"Yeah, of course Y/N, I will get right to it." With that you were alone in the room once again, going over the information you managed to get from the now dead scientists. This is going to be a long day. You saw it coming and that didn't help at all.

•

"Oh fuck." You cursed when the cold water from the sink touched your palm, it wasn't badly burned but it still hurt you.

You closed the door to your bathroom and turned around to see him standing in your room. Your eyes locked with blue ones, they certainly were familiar even after all this time, but while you could see the hesitation and the other swirling emotions in his eyes you couldn't tell anymore if you could trust what you thought you knew.

"When?" you felt your blood boil, but you knew you couldn't avoid him forever.

"Sometime after-" you hesitated with your words, walking towards your cabinet to put away the first aid kit you had. "After." You settled with that.

"What are you doing here Y/N?" Loki heard his own heartbeats, seeing you here… After all this time and he never forgot you. How could he?

"I'm an avenger now Loki," his name felt bitter on your tongue and you had to swallow to continue. "A lot has changed you know, you don't need to ask all these questions. There is no point to them."

"Oh but there is," at his angry tone you turned around. It was years of bottling the fight that you never had, he never let you have it. "You never wanted this life Y/N! What are you doing fighting out there with heroes or whatever they like to call themselves?"

"They are heroes, they help people. You however seemed to do the opposite from what I remember seeing on the TV." You laughed and shook your head. "I was still there you know, I was right in that same apartment where you left me. And there I saw you on the TV and I didn't even recognize it was you."

"Did you get hurt?" the question startled you.

"No, but it doesn't matter Loki! I am fighting alongside heroes now, I changed since the last time I saw you, this is my place now!"

"Oh darling you can pretend all you want in front of them, but I still know you." He matched your stare now. "This is not your life."

"Well yes it is!" you shook your head when he got closer now, every emotion you never got to express came back to the surface. "Why are you here? Huh? You're the one who left in the first place!"

"I've come here to help-" you stomped up to him.

"You know damn well that is not what I asked." You hated how your voice wavered.

"I did come here to help with the weapons," he continued before you could try to intervene. "And I didn't expect to see you again. But you're here now, and so am I."

"Damnit Loki, we have been through so much together, we weren't dating for only a month or two. A year. We were dating for more than a year and that is a lot." The tears were brimming now when you remembered your theory, that one little theory that ate your heart out, this one theory you found only a few days after. "Or at least here it is. Maybe in Asgard with all the almost-immortal gods a year is insignificant to you- that sure explains it all."

"No, it's not!" he dismissed it immediately and you felt your defenses shattering when he walked towards you. "I know there's pain inside of you, which was caused by me. But I am here now and I can't deny that I can still feel what I felt all those years ago. Just hear me out, we can call it even, just for a little while."

The last time you played this game it left you with a nasty scar. The more that he said, the less you knew what to think anymore.

So you didn't.

You hated the calmness that took over you the moment his lips touched yours, tongue sliding over the other, it left you breathless. You knew it was still love for you, but it was torture, you knew the high will not be worth the pain but he felt too good, too familiar that it made you question that. You didn't know how long has passed, all you knew was Loki, you still fit perfectly with his body which was pressed against you. Time flew by and you didn't know how you got here.

One moment his lips were on yours, the next you were pressed into the mattress, his figure pressing on yours. Maybe this could be good for the weekend… the next moment your legs somehow were wrapped around him and pulled him more into you. His lips trailed down to your throat, making breathy moans come out of your mouth. Your eyes opened and were focused on one spot on the ceiling, when you managed to break out of this delusional pleasure time flew by.

"No Loki, stop." You pushed him off of you. You sat up, curling your legs.

"What? Darling-" he tried reaching out for your thigh but you shook your head.

"You should go, Loki." You didn't look at him. Your hand covered your mouth as you sank into thought.

"Go? Why would I go? I know you feel exactly like I do." You couldn't deny it. You both knew that.

"You left me before Loki, what is the problem with leaving me now?" While you couldn't see him now, you had to get him out of here, so you could think clearly. This was too reckless. "It doesn't matter, this was just a relapse."

He left you there, and once the door shut you broke down, hating yourself for drowning into him again. You knew you were the one breaking your own heart when he took his warmth from the now cold bed. But it is better that you'll break it before he ever gets the chance to do it again.

Tags: @ayybtch @buckys-other-punk @chaoticpete @madcrazy50 @mishkatelwarriorgoddess

#blank space #my writing #1989 #loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki odinson x reader #angst #loki fanfic #loki fanfiction #loki angst #loki fluff #loki odinson #loki

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lighdramons · 3 years

Text

Hi I'm back. I promised awhile ago I’d tell the story of the fucked up digi.mon cult, so I figured that’s a great start for getting back onto this hellsite.

If the read more works, everything will be below the cut and it is a mess. Just a few things before the cut though:

General TW as I will be bringing up some of the bad experiences I had as well as talking about mental illness.

I will not be using names of sites, usernames, etc. I will not answer on specific users either. I’m sure these sites are still operating somewhere privately and back in the day, some of these people were big in the Digi.mon community outside of the sites as well.

If any of the people involved see this, no ill wishes towards you guys, just my take on things.

I quit these sites back in early 2015. I do not know what happened after I quit. I am only still in contact with a few individuals who either quit around the same time as me or long before.

As a general courtesy, some of these sites still exist. Please do not go harass them. A lot of the public sites are just teens trying to figure out themselves.

If you have questions or comments after reading this whole thing, I’m happy to answer any either publicly or privately. And yes, you can reblog this post.

We need to jump back to 2007 to begin with. I was a middle schooler getting back into Digi.mon because I walked into Gamestop and Digi.mon was sitting in the new releases. And I had access to the internet. I did binge S1-5 with subs and watching reruns of the dub on Toon Disney. I spent some time on the big fansite. Great site, just bad experience at the time because I was a teen and probably lied about my age. I didn’t feel like that was the community for me. I do check it every day now for news, just never made a new account cause I don’t even remember what I used back in the day.

By end of 2008/beginning of 2009 I began looking for other sites, stumbled across the digiclipse stuff on the bad encyclopedia site, looked into it, thought it was neat, moved on. Stuck with the big site for now because the only other sites I found were RP sites and not my thing at the time. Got hit hard with depression at the start of 10th grade (late 2010) and found my way back onto the digiclipse stuff. Didn’t really believe most of it, but thought the idea of creating AI Digi.mon was neat. Joined the smaller of the two sites because it felt friendlier and most users seemed my age.

For people who do not know, digiclipse is the act of going outside and holding the toys up hoping to get teleported. Most people by the time I joined thought the people who did this were crazy. Some people liked to do it for the lolz though.

Anyways, most of what happened on the sites was just talking and hanging out in chat rooms about life and other things. It was pretty chill. I can’t speak for everyone on the sites, but for me it was an escapism kind of thing. I was depressed and hated life so pretending that a magical adventure was a possibility gave me some hope. But honestly, got a group of people who were cool to talk with for the most part. There was one older female in her mid 20s that would come in the chat drunk and sexually harass the other female users and tell all the male they should die and are worthless. Nothing was ever done about her. And honestly it was weird having her there when most of the other people on the site were under 18. That was initially my only bad experience on the sites.

At some point during 2011, there were three individuals who claimed to see and speak with their digi.mon partners. And that they could read your aura and tell you exactly your digi.mon partner. And everyone believed this shit, mostly because two of them were prominent members and how could they lie. The process was simple, you would DM them either a creative piece you’ve done (art, writing, etc) or send a photo of yourself and they’d come back in a few days and tell you who your partner was. There was only ever one individual this method of tracking did not work on and that is yours truly. Oh and at the time it hit hard because I had started falling down the rabbit hole. This is the beginning of the cult-ish stuff.

Then the Ouija board happened. I have no issues with what happened during the fucking around with said Ouija board, I have issues with everything that spiraled out of control after. They fucked around with it confirming people’s partners that the others had “found”. And eventually they asked about mine. And then it was basically said, “oh we can’t tell you the results”. I was eventually added to this secret site of “The Chosen”. And basically told, “oh your partner is the offspring/creation of THE BIG BAD” and there were all sorts of debates on what to do about it. I literally thought I was getting punked at first and these people are clearly taking this whole thing too far. No, these people all believed this. Oh and the best part, most of the people involved in this “chosen” group were in their mid 20s. Me being a depressed as fuck 16yo that just wanted something exciting in life ended up eating all this up. I felt special and chosen. I look back on it now and I’m like what a fucking idiot.

We were all taught from the three who could do the stuff I explained earlier how we can also learn to bond and communicate and see our partner. I had absolutely no progress. Eventually this stuff led to everyone in this “chosen” group getting a “special guardian spirit”. Again, I made no progress on this. And to the point where they made me feel special again, I was the only person who had the wrong “guardian spirit” and they eventually found my “real one”, more on this later.

These discussions moved from a forum site to a private skype chat room, and then further smaller private chat rooms. The movement to skype is where I started having some bad experiences. I gave a few of my “close” friends on the site my phone number, soon everyone had my number. And this happened to multiple people over the years. My own stupidity at the time.

This stuff continued as I finished high school. At the time, I still managed to maintain my social life with school friends, keep up my grades, etc. Got into college with a good scholarship in my dream field. And then I started to go downhill once I got to school. The longer this stuff went on, the more you were expected to be involved. Including being on skype calls all night. It slowly began consuming my life. I ended up not only with depression, but ending up with an ED that was tied to anxiety so I’d go days without eating. I was seeing things and hearing voices, which was highly encouraged because it meant things were working. I literally could not tell the difference of when I was asleep or awake. I honestly do not remember the majority of my freshman year of college. I had no real friends and was just barely scraping by grade-wise. And well, the academic year almost ended with me hanging from a pipe in my dorm.

I ended up running the site I started on as an admin after the original admin team left. And it was expected you do not mention any of the “secret” stuff on the main site. Over the years I know it became clear to the users not included that there were secrets in the background. And those who knew stuff would actively fuck with these users. And if I haven’t made it clear yet, there was a hierarchy to this whole secret group. And it was the original three who were mentioned at the beginning that were on top. And what they said was gospel. Whatever they claimed is what happened and whatever rules they had were the rules. But of course certain people could break the rules and get away with it.

This next part happened at some point during my freshman year and will be relevant again later on. This is the biggest TW section so skip if you have to. I had a user dox me. He had my home address and threatened to post it. He had sent it privately to a few other users as well that alerted me of this. His reasoning? I would not date him or say I loved him. He told me that he would come to my house, murder me, r*pe my dead body, because he is the only one who gets to have me. Another user got involved and called the cops. I do not know if anything ever came of this because I never spoke to anyone about it. I at the time had admin privileges on one of the sites so I banned him and blocked his IP and I blocked him on anything I could. And I continued doing this over the years. I was told I was a bad person for doing this because I did not understand him. This lead to a lot of the things in the above paragraph getting worse.

As this all continued, there were battles and casualties and everyone ended up with like 20 partners. And if you haven’t noticed I’ve stopped using the term digi.mon entirely in the past few paragraphs. That’s because oh they weren’t digi.mon. They were spirits/dimensional beings that took on a form we were comfortable with and we formed a bond with. And I kept going along with all of this because I was in too deep at this point. And obviously yes, this all made sense. So at some point during this time, my “spirit” went to sleep and a new one “awakened”. And I of course still went along with all this. The BIG BAD kept mutating into stronger forms and blah blah blah.

During my fall semester sophomore year, I joined theatre at my college and did tech. Honestly, one of the reasons I was able to begin breaking away from this. I started to get an actual friend group and have less time for these sites. But there was always a pull of “you have to be here”. You were expected to be on skype calls and/or active in chat.

Well, that all changed at the start of 2015. They wanted a deletion of all the other sites and they would have one site united under one belief system. I was not a huge fan of this and made this known, but also offered to help in the coding as that was a skill I had that no one else really had. It got out around that I was a cunt and a power hungry bitch and blah blah blah. If it was just that, I would probably not have left. No no no, I was accused of lying about the shit that that user said and did to me. Because he is such a nice guy that could never do that type of stuff. And unless I provided the receipts I was clearly an attention seeking liar that wanted to ruin his life. That was the straw. I fucking blacked out in a rage and attempted to delete some of the different websites, I blasted some of these people on their real facebooks, and then I deleted all of my accounts and blocked everyone and blocked their numbers.

After that, I started talking with other people that quit. I started enjoying my college life. And I tried to act like none of that stuff had happened. I distanced myself from those individuals that were active in the Digi.mon community. I stopped hearing the voices and seeing things. I started going to therapy. My road hasn’t been perfect, but I’ve come a long way since I got out of this stuff. Honestly going to meet up with one old member after covid is all clear cause we’ve known each other for over a decade now and its about time we finally meet in person.

So yeah, that’s my story. I know I jumped around a bit and thoughts might not be too clear, but I wanted to share the fucked up things that happen in the background of the digi.mon community. Did I have good times? Hell yeah. The Olive Garden incident still to this day is iconic. We played d&d oneshots sometimes. We had memes. We all watched xros and hunters together live. And I still have some good friends out of this. The most fascinating thing out of all of this is everyone from the community that I still am either in contact with or see them via social media had admitted over the years to suffer from some kind of mental illness and has come out as part of the LGBTQA+ community. My own conclusion is a lot of us got sucked in due to depression/escapism and just a feeling of not belonging. And being around people of similar age with similar interests just made things more bearable at times. It also made a lot of us very vulnerable to the manipulation that took place, whether it was intentional or just one big group delusion created by multiple mentally ill people. I call it a cult, but I'm sure people will disagree with me. Whatever you want to call it, it wasn't good for my mental health in the long run.

If this shit is still going on, I hope people aren’t letting it consume their lives. And I just wish the best for everyone even if some of the shit hurt me.

As I said up top, if you want me to elaborate on anything or have questions, I’m good with talking about stuff. If you know me IRL and are reading this and are like "RACHEL WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK" I owe you a drink and explanation. And of course it Is okay to reblog. This is one hell of a comeback post on this site, am I right?

#ray's rants #im back on this hellsite and im here to share bullshit

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buzzyglovehorn-enthusiast · 3 years

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Got tagged by @parttimereptile and @to-catfish-a-bottleman a few days ago for this ask game, thanks.

Why did you choose your URL?

I used to play french horn. At the end of every year for my high school band, usually the older kids would come up with awards for everyone involved and I believe when I was in grade nine @to-catfish-a-bottleman crowned me the buzzy glovehorn enthusiast. Because you know. To play french horn you put your hand in the buzzy horn like a glove.

Any side blogs?

Yes I have one, it started as just the blog where I'd put stuff if I was like. Sad or felt like I was posting too much here and now it's still those things but to a lesser degree, with the addition of things I'm reblogging to save and I'll actually be able to find them later because of how infrequently I post there. It's funny because I've never explicitly told anyone the URL and my mutuals keep finding it by accident and it's kind of like a game for me to see how many of you have actually found it.

How long have you been on tumblr?

Yikes I'm not sure, I think this blog has been around since like 2017 but I definitely had one before that where I made one Harry Potter post and then lurked for the rest of it's existence. No interaction with anything. That was weird and I genuinely have no idea what the URL was.

Do you have a queue tag?

Definitely not I hardly queue anything except for things with my birthday in them (tagged it's my birthday, so I guess that could count) and that one post for the ides of March. Anything else you get the pleasure of seeing them whenever I decide that I am logged the fuck on, and that's your problem <3

Why did you start your blog in the first place?

Why do I do anything. Honestly I don't remember starting this blog so I don't know. It just popped into existence one day and here I am.

Why did you choose your profile picture?

I used to have plastic dinosaurs all stuck to my walls. I didn't have a pfp so I took the shittiest resolution picture known to man of one of them and bam. There's the iconic dinosaur you know and love today.

Why did you choose your header?

I went to a con with @to-catfish-a-bottleman and we saw a bunch of skeletons playing risk. Iconic. Blog worthy. I couldn't resist putting them on there and they're probably here to stay because I'm resistant to change.

What's your post with the most notes?

Not sure specifically, but some of my greatest hits include Problem Pasta, the restaurant that only played songs from the Gnomeo and Juliet (2011) soundtrack, rocks are good for holding, there's a fine line between too much outfit and not enough outfit and I'm gay so I have no idea where it is, etc. Most of the ones that get any traction tap out around 20-25 notes and I'm fine with that, considering the way that I embody the meme that's like "heartbreaking: man thought 2 or 3 note post was really more of a 5 or 6 note post".

How many mutuals do you have?

Kind of a lot, actually. I don't know what the actual number is but I. Am addicted to making friends. Thanks

How many followers do you have?

102, but it feels like every day I meet another ass bot so not actually 102. A large number of them are blocked. 9 on my other blog but 4 of those are blocked too. To everyone who can read this: thank you for not being a bot/sending me unsolicited dicks. I really appreciate it.

Have you ever made a shitpost?

Define shitpost. Most of my posts are shit posts, but in the kind of fandom sphere I've made a bunch for different books I've read and immediately forgotten that will, not often, but occasionally get notes.

How often do you use tumblr each day?

It varies. I haven't really been active lately (hey, I'm still alive!) but when I am, I do end up on here for hours at a time. Often.

Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog once? Did you win?

I don't think so, I don't like discourse or arguments.

How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

I hate them. If it's reblog bait it will be ignored, I promise.

Do you like tag/ask games?

I do, and fun fact about me before I moved rooms I had my bed up against the wall and I'd write the questions on it in pencil so I'd remember what I was responding to.

Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

Babe I don't know. If they're on my dash they're on my dash. We're all just distant acquaintances waving at each other, sometimes rapidly cycling through various disguises and telling me So Much about things I know nothing about. I don't know who half of you are anymore. That's fine.

Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Yeah I'm actually pretty into @to-catfish-a-bottleman . Nobody tell my girlfriend

Thanks guys, hope you feel like we're best friends now. Feel free to say I tagged you in this if you want to do it.

#in case its unclear. theyre the gf #its been a few days since i got tagged to do this #thats fine though #ask game

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razanartuk · 3 years

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about me tag game thing

i was tagged by the wonderful @nothingunrealistic! thank you very much ily <3

under read more bc i was not capable of keeping my answers brief this time around

why did you choose your url?

this...was supposed to be a short explanation but it turned into quite a tale so strap in i guess because we are going on a ride. back in 2017 i was just getting into musical theatre rp and i was still feeling too shy to really talk to anyone ooc so i would just wait for people i wanted to interact with to post starter calls so i could just do things in character with them the easy way. So i did this with my friend cam, who posted a starter for me using a lyric from If I Could Tell Her. she linked the song so i could listen to it, so i did and i went ‘wait a minute, is that Ben Platt from Pitch Perfect?? (and other things too, but i only recognized his voice at the time bc of the acappella girl movies)’ and yes it certainly was.

i had zero idea what the plot of Dear Evan Hansen was about at that point, and for some reason based off Just That One Song and the poster art of who i assumed was Some Guy in a Polo Shirt i started to think it was about some jock guy who broke his arm and had an emo/goth friend who had either died or gone missing under mysterious circumstances. also i intuited that Evan had a crush on his friend’s sister but he couldn’t tell her that directly or his emo friend would kick his ass. so i was like mostly wrong, but a little bit right.

oh and i knew jared and alana were characters from the show bc cam said that they were i think?? but i had no idea what their role was. so after listening to if i could tell her, i listened to good for you and all i really got out of that was that evan the apparently not-jock guy had done...something... that really hurt jared and alana. and at that point i finally decided to go look up a plot synopsis and i found out i was waaay off base. but honestly this is why cast recordings should include scene dialogue in the songs bc otherwise you just get soundtracks like dear evan hansen where the songs have like. zero context. we really just go from waving through a window to for forever to sincerely me without like. any reason as to what is happening huh. It’s honestly not a surprise anymore that all those people on twitter had no idea the plot isn’t about gay teenagers.

anyways. cam was writing jared and she made a post at one point about wishing somebody would write alana and i was like ‘oh i could do that!’ (after i had actually Seen a bootleg and finally knew what the whole story was, of course) so i made a multimuse rp blog featuring alana beck, nabulungi hatimbi, chloe valentine and some other characters, and cam started sharing her headcanons with me that alana is trans, jared and alana were close friends when they were little kids but they sort of drifted apart as they got older and their priorities in life changed, jared was the first person alana came out to when she realized she’s trans, etc.

one night i started talking about wanting to pick a more theatre-relevant url for my blog and trans-[character name] urls were getting pretty popular, and at least 3 of the friends i made through rp had changed theirs to coordinating trans-[character name] and i think it was cam suggested i should make mine be trans-alana so i did. eventually i realized the unhyphenated version was available so i changed it to transalana with no hyphen and i have lived here ever since. sometimes i think about changing it but i feel like transalana has become a part of My Brand and i am not so great with coming up with cool names for things.

any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

in theory, i have sideblogs... i don’t really use them, but of the ones i do have, there is:

emsbookblog - this was supposed to be where i would post excerpts of the book that i’m working on, but i think i did that maybe one time roughly 2 years ago and then promptly forgot about it/got nervous about my writing and was scared to share anything else. the rest of the stuff that is there is assorted writing tips. i don’t really know what to do with it now. i probably should post all my little thoughts about em and anita and caleb there instead of infodumping on my main from time to time, but if i do that then i have to promo a sideblog and direct people over to it which is always annoying to me when i could just do it on this blog which is much easier

dearnovelhansen - this is basically no longer used, but was a sideblog i made specifically to talk/complain about the novel adaptation of Dear Evan Hansen which was about 3 years ago?? maybe? i can’t be trusted to understand the passage of time. but to summarize: i thought it was an honor just to have the story be made more accessible since many of us couldn’t see the stage performance, but i hated a lot of the creative liberties that were taken. my main grumbles are that everyone who isn’t evan or connor is done so dirty in the novel. connor’s still kind of done dirty in the book, but not as much as like. heidi, alana, jared, and zoe are.

horseisle3 - this one was meant to be a place where i could just enthusiastically post screenshots from hi3, but instead it turned into a blog where i occasionally reblog other players’ hi3 content and bitch about how bad the game admins are bc hi3 is the tumblr famous (infamous?) homophobic horse game. the game where it was once okay to call your club store the gulag bc according to their head of hr, ‘it’s just a russian word for prison’ but you can’t say ‘im gay’ without somebody accusing you of corrupting young children who play the game. unfortunately there aren’t very many good interactive horse games out there, so this one is still about as good as it gets. it’s either that or star stable and i don’t care about star stable.

mlaenie - i’ve had this url saved for i don’t even know how long. way way way back in the day when i wanted to escape from the clutches of the onceler fandom i abandoned my first blog where i basically had an alter ego i guess?? and i decided to just be myself on the new blog. i don’t fully remember who came up with it, but one of my sister’s mutuals suggested that if you scrambled the letters in your name you could come up with aesthetic-looking urls. so lauren’s url became lrauen, and to match with her mine became mlaenie, which i abandoned on tumblr after about a year or so? but have continued to use as my main username on twitter, reddit, youtube, xbox, steam, and discord. i barely ever use any of these accounts aside from twitter, steam, and xbox, but yeah. so i’ve decided to try and turn this empty sideblog into a place for video game thoughts maybe. we’ll see how long it lasts this time around.

how long have you been on tumblr?

i made my first tumblr account in december of 2010, but i didn’t understand how to use it at all or how to customize my theme to look cool and unique so i quickly abandoned it. i made a new account in september of 2011 after some kids at school and my sister told me i should and i have been trapped here with varying degrees of activity/inactivity ever since. i have witnessed the rise and fall of the lorax/onceler fandom, hyperfocused on lord of the rings, star wars and back to the future all at the same time, and for the past 4 years i’ve mostly been a musical theatre blog with assorted other fandom stuff mixed in. i feel i have seen everything and nothing, but mostly i’m just tired and bored.

do you have a queue tag?

no bc i don’t use a queue. i’ve tried using it in the past but i irrationally feel pressured to sustain a coherent theme to queued posts and my brain simply does not vibe with that so i just don’t use it at all anymore. Instead i instantly reblog or post several unrelated thoughts in succession and then don’t post again at all for 3 days. the way god intended

why did you start your blog in the first place?

my very first blog was intended to be a place for me to post all of my petz 5 animals’ profile info, but i didn’t have any understanding of how coding worked at all and i don’t think i really wanted to learn, either. so it just sat there, unused. my second attempt at blogging was as a classic rock fandom person, so as you can probably imagine i was pretty pretentious about ‘modern pop’ vs the beatles, the rolling stones, the who, the monkees, and so on. and then i slowly devolved into a lorax fandom blog and everything went to shit so i made a new blog for lord of the rings/the hobbit which later evolved to include star wars and back to the future blogging. and then for the past 4 years i’ve been mainly a musical theatre blog with other random stuff i like thrown haphazardly into the pot. wonderful.

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

because my url is transalana and two of my most prominent lgbt headcanons are that alana beck is trans and a lesbian. i gotta be shouting out @kinqmike though bc she’s the one i adopted the trans alana beck headcanon from in the first place!

why did you choose your header?

in 2017 i was hyperfixating on Dear Evan Hansen (and Be More Chill, but there weren’t many gif-able videos then considering it ran for a month in New Jersey in 2015 and there was only one yet-to-resurface 35 minute bootleg) so i just grabbed a random gif off of google. i really should get to replacing it with a new header of my own though. i just don’t know what i should do for it.

what’s your post with the most notes?

i have lost track of how many notes it has (i think it’s somewhere around 200 now?) but when Will Roland and George Salazar performed Two Player Game on Good Morning America, i posted a screencap of their Jeremy and Michael along with that one quiz answer meme that says stuff like ‘i want to see it grow up healthy’. i didn’t tag it with any ship names or anything because i was anxious about having it show up in the tags, but somebody who reblogged it from me did tag it as boyf riends and i firmly believe it took off because of that. i don’t think i make posts that are relevant enough to amass thousands of notes, even by accident. which is probably a good thing bc if i did i would have to block so many of them.

how many followers do you have?

on this blog? 175 according to the counter. how many of those are still real people and how many are bots and abandoned accounts? i have no idea.

how many people do you follow?

i try to keep it somewhere around 200. i think i’m sitting at 180 right now but i kind of need to go through and clear out the really inactive blogs.

have you made a shitpost?

let’s think about this for a second. i’ve been on tumblr for nearly 10 years. you might even be able to say i’ve made more than one. they’re just not what you would call...popular shitposts.

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ post?

that stuff makes me so incredibly anxious that i have to fight the urge to want to yeet my laptop or mobile device through the closest window whenever i read it, so i try very hard to avoid any sort of ‘if you don’t reblog this, i’m judging you’ posts. i find them very manipulative and not particularly helpful

do you like tag games?

yeah babey!! i just frequently forget to do them, but please know that if you have ever tagged me in a tag game i felt incredibly touched by the gesture and the @mention even if i completely forgot to do the thing afterward

do you like ask games?

i do! but also rip to literally anyone who has ever sent me an ask meme bc it takes me so long to answer them. i’m still working on a micro fic prompt from a few weeks ago. also, horrified to realized that it has in fact been a few weeks and not 3 days anymore.

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i don’t know that any are tumblr famous as a whole. but probably @neverheardnothing

do you have a crush on a mutual?

in any sort of romantic connotation? no. not that i’m aware of. there are mutuals that i have friend crushes on where i want to be friends with them but i get so anxious when it comes to meeting new people that usually nothing ever comes of it. i’m really not good at small talk or other casual conversation either which, as you may or may not be able to imagine, sucks. i just wanna skip over all of the awkward introductions and ‘hey how are you, how is life, what are you doing with yourself?’ stuff. not because i don’t care about it. i do, but i think most of my friends/the people i want to be my friends are also depressed and anxious so asking these basic questions about life tends to uh. make us all nervous. and i don’t do much with my life so i always have the most boring answers anyways.

i’m not tagging anyone officially bc the @ thing has just completely given up on me at this point, but if you want to do it, go for it. and then say i tagged you so i can read it c:

#mel.rtf #abt me #tag games

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justaswampdemon · 3 years

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Tagged by @marjansmarwani Thanks babes!! Now that my life isn't a tornado of crazy I can finally answer this!!!

1. Why did you choose your url?

When I set too unrealistic goals for myself that's usually what I tell myself... "You're just a swamp demon...give yourself a break." I guess you'd call it motivational?

2. Any side blogs?

A witchy blog @theswampdemonsgrimoire and a blog for cryptid and stupid conspiracy stuff @swampdemonlovescreepystuff

Honestly I mainly use them to just save stuff for myself.

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

Ummmm 2011 or 2012 I think...

4. Do you have a queue tag?

Technically yes....but I never fucking use it.

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

Fandoms mainly, and cause I wouldn't have to interact with people I knew in real life...then I found such a large queer/neurodivergent/disabled presence which was pretty amazing.

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Because Andromache...I think I changed it around Halloween and have just stuck with it.

7. Why did you choose your header?

Its a pic I took in Japantown and then messed with the filters and shit...I just think it's neat

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

I think its the one with Hen telling Buck she'd throw him out of the truck if he had his bisexual awakening working as a ranch hand.

9. How many mutuals do you have?

I don’t know? But I love them all very much

10. How many followers do you have?

221

11. How many people do you follow?

Like...953 or something ridiculous...I'm sure a bunch aren't active anymore.

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

Pretty sure that's my most popular post...

13. How often do you use tumblr each day?

Its sort of my go to when I'm messing around at work, so probably a lot.

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

Nope.

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblogged this” posts?

The way to get me to absolutely not do something is by telling me to do it. I'm stubborn and petty like that.

16. Do you like tag games?

100%

17. Do you like ask games?

Also 100%

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I think there are actually a few of you 👀

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

No, but all the mutuals I've talked to are lovely humans and I've become good friends with a few which is awesome.

I honestly do not know who to tag...but if please do it if you feel like it! I'm tracking #userliddy so if you do tag me!!!

#tagged in #thanks jilly!#ask a swamp demon

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percywinchester27 · 4 years

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@caughtaghostsomehow reblogged your post A lot like ‘Us’ (Part-26) and added:

I feel so goddamned sorry for Sam. He was ready to listen to Jess's advice and at least try to rekindle whatever he had with his wife but then Meg put this idea in his head that he's hurting her and he's not gonna let it go unless he hears from her lips that she wants him in her life. And who knows when that's gonna happen? She probably already noticed him being distant and she has no way of knowing what caused it so how would she even talk to him about it?

And poor Max... I know Sam feels awful with what he's doing to him but he feels it's necessary so that his wife and son don't end up even more hurt but holy shit it's really not going well. I know Max is hurting too and I definitely understand why he's angry with Sam. And Y/N is probably worried about the boy as well... She got a message telling her he's fine but come on... She's probably wondering what happened suddenly that Max didn't come visit. It's an all around messy situation with literally everybody getting hurt in the process.

Yeah, she’ll eventually notice... I mean there’s only so much Sam can do to keep them apart. She’s bound to get suspicious at some point. The problem is that everyone is going off half information here- for the reader it’s hard facts that she doesn’t know and in Sam’s case, it’s the emotions.

I was taken aback by 2011 Sam... His wife leaving changed him into a completely different person. I like how we get to see him notice that people are reacting to him differently but the fact he hadn't noticed before? I knew he was incredibly hurt when she left but fuck, this did him a lot more damage than I originally thought. He's so... Calloused. And sharp and intimidating. A real stereotype of a lawyer. Also... The fact he didn't do pro bono cases? You managed to convey so much about Sam in that period of time in only just a few sentences and it's incredible. I wonder what would've happened if he never met Max... If he'd stay this way or manage to overcome the pain he's been living with on his own.... Max really did save him.

This was what I was telling you about? Him becoming dispassionate and insensitive. And the only way to actually know you’ve become a heartless person is to see yourself through other people’s eyes. He wasn’t gonna wake up to some divine intervention telling him, ‘hey you’re a jerk now!’ Thank you so much for saying that! I thought that might be the best way to put forth how different he was because we’ve all seen him being so careful for James’s pro bono and it was an independent case.

Hmmm... I’ve given it some thought and I think he’d let his anger for the reader fester any more than that, and he hadn’t found Max when he did, maybe the change would have been permanent. If he’d met her later in life, instead of the anger he was feeling at the beginning of the series, he’d have felt utter contempt and hatred. Now THAT would have been angsty :P

A brief mention of Chase because I like him more and more with every chapter 😁 I can see why Sam and him became friends. And Stacy! She seems genuinely lovely, I feel so sorry that she had to deal with Sam's mood swings.

Hahahaa I like how everyone (my beta, that is) saw all that chaotic good energy went like, ‘Yep! Checks out! That’s definitely Chase’ I mean you guys don’t even have a doubt! Yup, Stacey is pretty cool. There’s very little of their interaction outside of the memories, but, it all adds something to the story.

I had a feeling that Max never really had proper parents but this still hurt to read. The fact that a maid cared for him because no one else would... And he was literally hiding in the closet when his parents were murdered. They didn't deserve that title but still, I'm so glad he didn't actually see it happen or find their bodies... Poor baby.

Max has gone through so much in such a short life I had to stop and take a breather while reading. No wonder everyone falls in love with him when they meet him, he's such a sweet boy despite all the pain life brought him. I'm so glad he found a real family in Sam... They really ended up saving each other.

No, he didn’t. Sam’s right about that bit- how Max had no clue what parents were supposed to be like. He had to go through extensive therapy, but because he was that young, he didn’t understand a lot of the emotional trauma he experienced (thank God!) only the physical trauma became an instinct. And yeah, it’s actually good that he was ignored, because otherwise he’d have been in that room and either seen the murders or worse.

I think that bit brought down Sam more than anything from his callous high. That a kid that small, having suffered through so much bullshit could still be that nice... he was an adult with sensibilities. I’m glad they ended up finding each other, too! He’s been a pleasure to write.

That moment when Sam saw the emptiness in Max's eyes and almost had a panic attack... Jeeze that hurt. I know he had his wife before his eyes when he saw that little boy's expression and the fact that he had this visceral of a reaction remembering that time? My heart is breaking. I wonder if Y/N was already working then... Or where she was in life. I have my own head canons about that but I'll only tell you if we don't end up finding out a bit about her past too 😁

I also love how Sam interacts with Max. I love that he treats him with kindness and speaks to him gently but doesn't dismiss his intelligence. He can clearly see the boy is incredibly clever.

You caught that, huh? ;) You smart, smart girl! I was contemplating whether to refer to the reader explicitly in that part, then let it slide. I mean, sure he could go off being the heartless lawyer, but it’s because he is hurting SO much inside and burying it. One time he slipped and allowed himself to remember, the pain was staggering.

Ummm I think the reader was in college for Pre-law in Texas and working part-time. I think. We’re not getting anymore of the reader’s backstory... just a vague timeline of her academic/ professional achievements. You’re free to spin your own headcanons. They’ll probably be more on point than mine XD

I don’t know much about parenting, but I do believe that’s how you should treat kids- with respect. Maybe Sam’s attitude as a dad was what helped Max heal the most.

So this is probably why it became his favourite book, huh? I wonder how many times Sam read it to him. Something in my heart definitely tightened when Sam had to stop reading cause the last time he probably opened that book was when he read it to his wife... Oh that hurts.

I breezed through this chapter, Ana, I need more like now 😫😂

But seriously, I loved it so so so much. I'm so happy were getting to see more of Sam's life after she left and Max's story. I can't wait for the next chapter, I wanna know everything 😁❤❤❤

Yep yep yep! Nothing there is coincidence. Sam didn’t remove the book from his phone cause he just couldn’t bear to do it. And Max probably started associating the book to the first safe place he’s ever known- Sam presence. Also, YOU CAUGHT THAT! Sam’s pause! You’re in MY HEAD! While you’re there, please help me with that design brief as well :P

THANK YOU SO MUCH, Ria! I swear your reblogs add years to my design brief ridden life. Next chapter is a slightly bigger bomb ;) I can tell you now that you’ll like that one, too, if you liked this!

I love you so much <3

#Ana loves Ria #Ana replies #thank you soooo much #love for Allu #allu 26 #q

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itslaurenmae · 4 years

Note

What is this sudden influx of "Cabin in the Woods" reblogs? Did you just see it for the first time? Second time? Umpteenth time? Your take on things must be had, lest the old ones wipe it away.

I am SO GLAD... so BLESSED to receive this ask. This turned into a full-on essay, sooooo buckle up and read on. (TL;DR I rewatched Cabin in the Woods and forgot how much I loved it, sooo yes, you're gonna see a lot of it on my dash) - SPOILERS AHEAD

I rewatched Cabin in the Woods for the second time on Saturday night and DEAR GOD. I’m gonna have NO CHILL while responding to this because I’ve been thinking about it for a day and a half already.

First of all, I should probably state for the record that I am a longtime Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan. I wasn’t allowed to watch the show when it was airing on television (thanks to my very strict evangelical conservative upbringing) - I found Buffy in my early twenties and fell in love. The subversion of tropes, the excellent character writing hand-in-hand with narrative arcs that actually make sense... it really is one of the greatest shows that’s ever been on TV. Yes, I will fight you about it. I haven’t watched everything Joss Whedon has ever touched, but I also really loved Dr. Horrible’s Singalong Blog and Angel, so I am not a stranger to the Whedonverse.

Cabin in the Woods is the first horror movie I remember watching and genuinely enjoying. Loren and I had decided that, with my being deprived of Halloween traditions (thanks to that upbringing), we wanted to start a new tradition of watching a horror movie on Halloween night. This was back in 2013. Our first daughter was only a few months old.

I’d seen maaaaybe two other actual horror films before CitW - but I’d long been a fan of books, tv shows, and other mediums in the paranormal family (because that was okay, because it was spiritual - thanks again, upbringing). I think a friend from college had recommended it to us - and once I'd seen it had Joss Whedon as a writer and producer, I knew I'd probably like it. So, we put our daughter to bed, snuggled up, turned off all the lights, and watched our very first Halloween horror movie.

I fell in Love.

It was funny? And subversive? And I was scared in a good way?

I had no idea what was going on in the very beginning, but as this tale unspooled itself on our flatscreen, I knew I Loved this movie.

From that day forward, anytime anyone asked me what my favorite horror movie was, I said Cabin in the Woods.

I said that for seven years.

Somehow, seven years of my life went by? We had another baby? We moved houses? I left jobs and got a new job and Loren moved school sites and wow... somehow it was 2020. We watched lots of horror movies, and not just on Halloween anymore (take that, upbringing!!). We're huge fans of a YouTube channel called Dead Meat, and specifically, a series they do called the Kill Count.

Every Friday, James A. Janisse and his team release a new video counting down the kills in a horror movie. And when I saw at the end of 2019 that he was going to do one for Cabin in the Woods, I was SO EXCITED.

It had been YEARS since I'd seen it, but I remembered that I Loved it. And yes, I'm using Love with a capital L. I Love this movie.

Loren and I watched the Kill Count the day it was released. I remembered most of the kills, and I definitely remembered that ending. It made me so happy to watch something about that movie again.

Some time goes by.

Covid-19 happens. We all get told to shelter in place.

We log in to Hulu one night after the kids are down to watch Letterkenny, and I see that Cabin in the Woods is streaming. I was SO HAPPY to see it there.

Some more time goes by.

We finished watching Letterkenny.

We can't pick another show to watch together. So I suggest we watch Cabin in the Woods.

That was Saturday.

I forgot how much I Love this movie.

I forgot how much I Love Fran Kranz’s character, Marty.

I forgot about how much I Love the look of relief on Kristen Connolly’s character, Dana's, face when Marty shows up at the dock where she's about to be clobbered to death. She thought he was already dead, but no, he's alive. And he clocks Matty Buckner with his giant bong and they run like hell back to the house.

I forgot that Marty figured out that the whole thing was rigged against them.

I forgot they break into the elevator to confront The Organization about killing their friends.

I FORGOT ABOUT THE VERY TENDER HUGGING FROM BEHIND IN THAT SCARY AS HELL, MASTERFULLY DONE ELEVATOR SCENE.

I forgot about the very painful and earnest exchange of apologies between Marty and Dana at the end, after they decide they’re gonna let the Ancient Ones rise.

I forgot about the way they scoot to be near each other as the building is coming down.

I forgot about the way they put their heads together, shivering, as they huddle for some semblance of safety and comfort as the world is ending.

It's so HUMAN - that last scene between Marty and Dana. And you get this feeling that, if they survived this, they'd maybe have a shot at something good together.

Basically, I forgot how much I Loved this movie.

And it all came back to me on Saturday night.

It's good writing. It's good acting. It's just good.

Something A LOT of media just isn't anymore.

Character writing. Overall narrative. Subversions on the genre. An ending that is tragic and shocking but still MAKES SENSE.

Watching this movie reminded me of the kinds of characters and stories I love. And it had been a long time since I'd watched something I Loved.

Especially after watching a very popular franchise I love shit the bed last year, I've been feeling very uninspired and unimpressed by most popular media.

Most shows or movies I've watched from the last decade just feel... soulless. They don't make me feel things.

They don't affect me. They're numb, they have no heart. They kinda pass the time but they don’t move me.

The characters don't feel real.

They don't make understandable, human decisions.

It all feels really stilted.

And that’s because the writing is bad.

I think most actors out there are doing their best, but there's just been a deluge of seriously shitty writing, and people aren't discriminating enough to either notice or care, or stop spending their money on things that are frankly, poorly crafted cash grabs.

I don't want to point fingers and name names (because a. that’s been done already, and b. Whedon's not getting off scot-free here, he's one of the men behind one of the biggest franchises of the late 2000s and 2010s) - but somewhere in the last seven years, a lot of soul just died in the writing of American TV and movies.

But not this movie.

This movie is real, and it's human, and it's funny and subversive and tonally resonant and I Love it.

So yes, the deluge of content is here because I remembered I Loved this movie.

I Love Marty and Dana and their very human clinging to each other in that crumbling building.

I Love those scenes in the elevator, I Love the tragedy of sacrificing young people to appease a nameless evil, I Love the way Marty and Dana choose each other over all the rest of humanity, I Love the humor and the wrongness of it all being engineered in an office.

It's just Good, and I’ve really missed Good Shit.

So yes, I’m gonna post the hell out of The Cabin in the Woods (2011) on this blog for however long I see fit. Bless you, @iowastubborn, for gracing my inbox with this ask. It’s the first thing I’ve written in MONTHS and it felt good to write about something I Love.

If you need me, you can probably find me in the marty x dana tag at 3am anytime in the foreseeable future.

#iowastubborn #ask #answered #lauren talks #the cabin in the woods #an essay no one wanted #so yes i'm gonna post the hell out of citw on this blog for however long I see fit #bless you tylor for this ask #it's the first thing i've written in MONTHS #blood cw #spoilers?#spoilers

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goofygomez · 5 years

Text

Anniversary - Clouis Oneshot

Description: Clementine and Louis have been together for almost a year, and Clem begins to ponder on how to celebrate such a special occasion.

Wordcount: 5700

A/N: Hey there! I’m finally posting some new content. Shocking, right? I wanted to write this in honor of Clouis’s actual anniversary, which is today (September 25th). Aside from that, this fic is doubly special because it is dedicated to one of my best friends in the fandom, whose birthday was just a few days ago @missdaisymayrio. Happy Birthday, Layla, hope you enjoy your handmade gift!

As always, comments, reblogs and likes are greatly appreciated, since I deleted my previous account and I’m trying to be more active now. Enjoy!

---

Clementine paced her room impatiently, muttering under her breath, the carpet muffling the thud of her crutches. Violet was sprawled at Clem’s bed, silently thinking of Clementine’s request. The two girls had been in her room for about an hour, trying to come up with something Clem could give Louis for their anniversary. They only had a week left, and so far, no ideas came to mind.

“What if you just… didn’t give him anything?” Violet suggested for what felt like the hundredth time.

Clem rolled her eyes and turned to her best friend. “I can’t do that,” she said. “He already gives me these little gifts every couple weeks that he finds on supply runs, I have to do something for our anniversary.”

“Can you believe you guys lasted a whole year?” Violet said, changing the subject. “I owe Aasim an energy bar.”

“You guys bet on us staying together?” Clem said indignant, sitting down on the bed opposite Violet.

“Not really,” Violet shrugged. “Mostly on who would freak out about this date first, and I lost.”

The early morning sun was streaming through the winder between them, bathing the carpeted floor with a golden hue, punctuated by the boards stuck to the window hinges. A few birds chirped happily to the rise of a new day, while the fluttering of their wings traveled softly to the room.

“So you’re saying that Louis hasn’t freaked out…?” Clem asked, furrowing her brow.

“Knowing him, he’s had your present on the ready since the day we met you,” Violet said, making a gagging noise. Clem smiled.

She thought back to all the good times she and Louis had had over the past year. All those stolen kisses in supply raids seemed childish at the time, but Clem still kept them close to her heart. After all, how long had it been since she’d allowed herself to feel childish? She’d had to care for AJ for almost seven years now, and her formative years hadn’t exactly been a picnic either…

In truth, the escape those small tendrils of happiness gave her was the most wonderful gift Louis had ever given her. Though she hadn’t said so to him, it had very easily been the best year of her life. If only she could muster the courage to say those words instead of rehearsing them a thousand times in her head.

After a few minutes of lingering silence, a knock came from the door, and the usual sing-song voice of Louis sounded from the other side. Clem was pulled from her thoughts as they both turned to the door.

“Violet, Aasim wants you for something!” he was saying.

Rolling her eyes, Violet walked to the door and flung it open. Louis was standing at the threshold, one hand up mid-knock and the other in his pocket. His usual smile was plastered on his face, and his eyes sought Clementine at once.

“Hey there, morning,” he said.

“Morning,” Clem said with a smile, picking up her crutches and limping to Violet’s side.

The blonde wasn’t as pleased to see him, however. “You could have just said you wanted to see Clem, no need to make up excuses,” she said in a bored tone, pushing past him and waving a lazy hand back to Clementine. “See you later, Clem.”

“Yeah,” Clem said feebly, turning to Louis. “What’s up?”

Without a word, Louis let himself into the room offering his right hand to her, his left still tucked in his trench coat. He leaned forward and planted a kiss on her forehead, making her blush. She didn’t know why she still blushed after a year of being with the most affectionate person she’d ever met, but Louis wasn’t complaining. Even with the slight elevation the crutches offered, Louis still towered over her with ease, to the point where she often wondered if his father had been an NBA player.

“Not much,” he said, taking a seat on the spindly chair by the desk, helping Clem down to sit on the bed. “Just wanted to see you, is all.”

“That’s it?” Clem asked skeptically, raising an eyebrow at his left hand. “And what’s that you got there, huh?”

He looked down and feigned surprise, making Clem roll her eyes. He retrieved his hand from his pocket and produced a small parcel wrapped in what looked to be old newspapers. A bold headline on the front claimed that ‘Stock market plummets as the recession continues.’ Whatever that was, it sounded serious, Clem thought.

She examined the small package in his hands and cocked her head, confused. “Are we having a game of Pass the Parcel?” she asked innocently, looking up from the parcel and seeing her boyfriend’s face break into a smile.

“Nope, but that sounds like fun,” he said. “What’s that?”

Clem chuckled. “It’s this British game where you pass a wrapped object around and keep removing its layers,” she explained, “and whoever gets to remove the final layer gets the parcel.”

“And how do you know of this game?” Louis asked, intrigued. “Ever been to the UK?”

“Not really,” she said, shrugging. “But I did have a British classmate back in elementary school. His name was… Mark something? I don’t really remember.”

“Sounds like a grand ol’ chap!” Louis said in a lousy attempt at a British accent, tipping an invisible top hat and adjusting an imaginary monocle.

Clem could not help but laugh at her boyfriend’s antics, looking from him to the small package still clutched tightly in his hands. Curiosity was burning inside her, yet she decided not to push him for it. Instead, she chose to expand upon their subject of conversation.

“So,” she said, leaning forward. “Have you ever been outside the states?”

Thankful for the chance to just chat about meaningless things, Louis put the parcel on the desk and scratched his chin meaningfully. He hummed a song as he thought, which Clementine recognized as ‘Oh My Darling, Clementine.’

“Well, I went to Spain with my parents when I was seven,” he said. “Some place called Majorca or something fancy like that.”

“Sounds like a lot of fun,” Clem said, leaning on her elbow. “Did you learn any Spanish there?”

“Not really,” Louis admitted, shrugging. “We didn’t really go out much, except to restaurants and shit.”

“Fancy,” she said, chuckling.

As she heard him talk about the time his dad took him on a hiking trip up some mountain or other, her mind began to wander. She thought of all the times they themselves had taken a hike through the forest, Louis helping her up fallen logs as she struggled to lift her crutches over moist soil. She always loved how passionate he became about the most insignificant things, like the movements of the moon in the sky and the shifting bugs within the forest.

Without thinking, her eyes drifted over to the parcel on the desk and by the look of it, Louis took note of that. He grabbed the package and laid it on his lap. Looking up at her, he handed her the wrapped object and waited expectantly.

“What’s this?” she asked, curiously turning it in her hands. It was rectangular and thin, much like those old VCR movies her parents used to watch sometimes. She shook it softly, expecting it to rattle, yet it made no sound.

“Open it,” he urged, gesturing to a loose piece of home-made wrapping paper.

As she tore open the newspaper, her excitement never wavered. Louis looked on in silence, a smile etched on his face, expectant. The only sound between them was of ripping paper and the chirping birds outside. When she got to the final layer, she almost dropped it from shock.

“Oh my god,” Clem gasped.

She was holding a framed picture of her, AJ, and Louis standing in front of the school. Louis stood in the middle, his left hand around Clem’s waist and his right hand on AJ’s shoulder, clutching it affectionately. The three of them were smiling widely, their cheeks flushed from the heat. Clem remembered that day vividly. It had been around three months ago when Louis had found a Polaroid camera hidden in an abandoned classroom.

The frame itself was carved with small words along the edges, snaking across the entire surface of the wood. Her mouth agape, she raised her eyebrows at Louis, who beamed. It seemed the birds outside had sensed the awe in the room, for their singing had ceased to let room for the words that Clem was trying to form. Unfortunately, none would come.

“Look closely at the frame,” Louis said, almost in a whisper, too excited to contain his voice.

Instead of pursuing speech any longer, she did as she was told. Upon closer inspection, another gasp escaped her. Etched on the surprisingly smooth wood, spreading in a clockwise rotation, were the beginning lines of Clem’s favorite song.

“Oh my Darling, Oh my Darling,

Oh my Darling, Clementine.

9 – 25 – 2011”

Words seem to come back to her at once. “Louis, this is beautiful,” she managed to say, looking up at him again.

“Happy anniversary,” he said cheekily. Clem’s eyes went wide, fear that she’d forgotten the date creeping up her spine, and Louis chuckled, apparently reading her mind. “Don’t worry, you didn’t forget. I was just too excited to wait another week, so I figured I’d give it to you now.”

“That’s nice,” Clem said, smiling softly. “How did you do this? I didn’t think that camera would actually work after so many years.”

“Neither did I, but Tenn helped me find a book with instructions on how to develop pictures. It’s surprisingly more difficult than the movies made it out to be, to be honest,” he added, furrowing his brow.

“Well, tell Tenn thank you from me later,” Clem said, clutching the frame tightly to her chest. She closed her eyes and let out a soft sigh, her eyes filling with tears against her better judgment.

Louis stood and kneeled beside her, placing his hand over her right knee. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it,” she said, dabbing furiously at her eyes. “I love it.”

And indeed, she did love it. That evening, as she paced the room once more, the framed picture of their ninja family, as Louis called them, sat on the bedside table. The downside of the gift being so incredible, Clem thought ruefully, was that now she had to work twice as hard to come up with a great one herself. How could she ever hope to compare to a beautiful handmade gift such as that?

The answer to her question, thankfully, came to her in the form of Aasim a few days later. He walked up to her as she was doing her usual walk around the perimeter. For the last few months, Aasim had been trying to grow a beard, much to Ruby’s dismay. Despite his best efforts, it was patchy on spots and did not look nearly as cool as he’d hoped it would.

She chose not to comment on it when he beckoned her to a corner of the wall. She followed his gesture and leaned against the wall, thankful for a small relief from having to carry her whole weight on one leg.

“What’s up?” she asked, intrigued.

“I heard that you still haven’t found a present for Louis,” he said, cutting straight to the chase.

“Yeah,” she said, slightly ashamed of herself.

“I got something you could give him,” Aasim said, smirking.

Clem surveyed him, scanning him for any signs of a package. When she found none, she stared at him with a puzzled look. “If you do, you hid it very well,” she teased.

Rolling his eyes, Aasim shook his head. “It’s not exactly an object,” he explained. “I just want to help you out, since Louis can go a little overboard with gifts sometimes.”

Thinking of the frame on her bedside table, she nodded vigorously. “Why are you helping me?”

“He’s my best friend,” he said simply, shrugging. “And I know he’ll love this.”

And so, Aasim relayed the information to Clementine. The more he talked, the more Clementine liked the idea. Barely twenty minutes later, the plan was in motion as Clem and Aasim made their way back into the school for dinner.

It was a testament to how excited she was to give Louis his gift that she barely slept that night, thinking of all the things that could go wrong. Two nights later, she dreamed of Louis turning down her gift because it was too simple and did not compare to his. No matter how much she argued, he would not change his mind.

She woke with a start on the morning of September 25th, cold sweat running down her back and forehead. The clock on her nightstand told her it was nine-thirty, much later than she usually let herself sleep. The bed on the other side of the room was empty. AJ must have let her sleep in while he went on patrol with Tenn, she thought.

He would be seven years old soon, Clem realized with a start. Had it really been that long? With a yawn, she lifted herself from the bed and grabbed the crutches that leaned against the bedside table. She stretched her right leg, looking down at the stump on her left knee.

No matter how many times she looked at it, she was still not getting used to the feeling. Sometimes it even felt like she had it back, a tingly sensation where her toes were supposed to be. She would look down in excitement only to be disappointed time and time again.

“I guess this is how Reggie and Lee felt, huh,” she mused to herself, thinking of their amputations. Had Reggie had so much trouble adapting to his new reality? Clem surely was…

After donning her leather jacket and denim jeans – the latter was still tricky business with only one leg to support herself – she waddled over to the door and walked into the hallway to face the day ahead. Upon arriving at the courtyard, she looked around and found Aasim standing by the gate, speaking to Willy. She walked over to them just in time to hear the tail end of their conversation.

“-me know if anything’s moving around out there,” Aasim was saying. Willy nodded and turned back to his post, holding a hunting rifle they’d found in a nearby town.

When he turned, he spotted Clem standing beside one of the tables and walked up to her. “Morning,” he said. “Slept well?”

“Not at all,” Clem said truthfully, “Have you seen Louis?”

“I sent him on a supply run with Violet, as promised,” he assured her, nodding. “It’s on the other side of the forest, so you’ll have enough time to prepare for when he comes back, which should be around dusk.”

“Good, thanks.” She looked around and saw the rest of the group milling about their respective chores. The morning sun blazed above them, the last vestiges of summer lingering for a few more days yet. Despite the warm weather, the first leaves of fall had already begun to fall onto the courtyard, spraying the ground with a bright orange and yellow hue.

Ruby was using a large rake to clear a path between the admin building and the greenhouse, muttering a soft country song to herself. Tenn and Omar were discussing lunch and dinner plans for the day by the pot, apparently deep in conversation. She did a headcount in her head, coming up one person short.

She was about to ask Aasim about AJ when her question was answered. The boy had just walked out of the admin building’s doors, his trademark revolver in his hands. When he spotted Clem, as was his custom, his eyes lit up and he rushed to her, much like he’d done that fateful day almost a year ago.

“Clem, you’re up,” he said excitedly, stashing his gun in his back pocket.

“Had a fun patrol?” she asked him, ruffling his overly long hair. He’s overdue for a haircut, she thought to herself, making a mental note to ask Ruby for scissors.

“Yup,” AJ said, nodding. “I found a couple of rats in an abandoned classroom, but I couldn’t catch them.”

“Best not to try again, kiddo,” Clem warned him, frowning. “They could bite you or something.”

AJ furrowed his brow as well, thinking hard. “Can rats make you turn into walkers?”

Looking around to Aasim for assistance, Clem shrugged. The man did the same and placed a reassuring hand on AJ’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, I don’t think they can,” he assured the boy. “I think Louis got bit once when we were like twelve. Had a nasty scar on his finger, but hasn’t turned since.”

“You never know,” AJ muttered, looking down in thought. Both Clem and Aasim laughed, confusing the young boy even further.

Excusing herself, Clem led AJ to one of the tables and asked him to sit down. AJ did as he was told, leaning on his elbows in the same fashion Louis did sometimes at dinner. It was uncanny how many mannerisms the boy had picked up from the young pianist.

“Anything interesting to report?” she asked conversationally, resting her chin on one of her hands, tiredness still tugging at her eyelids.

“Not really, other than those rats I told you about,” AJ replied, shrugging. “Sometimes I try to make up games to pass the time, but I’m not very good at it.”

Clem raised her eyebrows, a smile etched on her face at his innocence. “Games such as…?”

Looking down at the markings on the table, AJ said, “Um, well. Like counting how many windows there are in the entire school.”

“Sounds like fun,” Clem said, nodding. “And how many are there?”

“Couldn’t remember the numbers past seventy, but I think there’s probably a lot more.”

“Yeah, we’ll work on that a little more, how about that?”

AJ nodded vigorously, clearly eager for another session of homeschooling with the rest of the group, all of whom had added something to the table when it came to educating Clementine’s young charge.

So far, Ruby had taught him to tend to small plants, which he didn’t find particularly fun, but still pleasant nonetheless. Aasim and Louis had taught him to tie a number of knots for traps, most of which were still too complex for him to memorize them, but his spirit never wavered. Since Clem could not easily move around, Violet had taken over training him in a rudimentary form of hand-to-hand combat, which was definitely AJ’s favorite new subject.

“So,” she said, scratching the back of her head. “I’m going out of the school tonight.”

“Like, into the forest?” AJ asked, puzzled. “Why at night?”

“Just… something,” she said vaguely. “I won’t be sleeping in our room tonight either, but I’ll be back in the morning before you wake up.”

She’d been expecting some sort of interrogation, and maybe even sadness, but she hadn’t expected what came next.

“No,” AJ said simply, crossing his arms. “No, you’re not going out unless you tell me what you plan on doing.”

“What?” Clem asked, taken aback.

“I’m tired of you not telling me stuff to protect me or whatever,” he said, making air quotes with his fingers; another one of Louis’s teachings. Damn you, Louis. “Either tell me or I won’t let you go.”

Sighing, she looked back at the gate through which her boyfriend was gathering supplies for the group. She figured nothing would change the young boy’s mind, so there was no use in arguing back. She turned back to AJ and nodded, pursing her lips apprehensively.

“Alright, you deserve to know, I guess,” she said.

Taken aback by the quick change of heart, AJ’s eyes went wide and he fell silent, his mouth slightly open in anticipation.

“Today is mine and Louis’s anniversary,” she said, unsure of how to approach such a delicate subject.

“Anni – Anniversary?” AJ said slowly, his look of wonderment still present on his face. “What’s that?”

Thinking hard, Clem chose her words carefully. “It’s like… a birthday,” she explained awkwardly, tilting her head to her side. “Like a birthday for our relationship. It’s been exactly one year since he and I got together, you understand?”

“Yeah,” he replied, still looking puzzled. “But what does that have to do with going out at night?”

“You see, when you celebrate an anniversary, you give each other gifts,” she said, pointing to the window that led to their room on the inside. “Like that frame he gave me the other day. And my gift to him is hidden outside in the forest, and it’s better to give it to him at night.”

“I see,” AJ almost whispered, his eyes running the length of the table, scanning the markings that he himself had added onto. “Can you tell me what it is? Maybe I can help you.”

Clem chuckled and reached over the table, tapping his nose affectionately. “No, kiddo,” she said, shaking her head. “This is something for just us, I’m sorry.”

AJ nodded slowly, a little crestfallen. “I understand,” he told her, smiling back at her. “Thank you for telling me, though.”

She placed a soft hand over his and smiled. “Don’t worry, I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow.”

Sure enough, that night, Clem was waiting for Louis at the gate around dusk. The sun was beginning to set on the west, the orange tint of the sky the only evidence that it had even been there minutes before. She nervously tapped her right foot on the concrete, thinking about the route Aasim had told her to take.

“A right, left, then another left,” she was muttering to herself. Seemingly out of nowhere, another voice replied with a cheerful yet tired tone about it.

“What, did your GPS break down?”

Whirling around as fast as her crutches would allow, she now stood in front of a tired-looking Louis, whose forehead was matted with sweat. He carried a medium-sized box with a few cans of beans, tuna, and what looked like expired candy.

“You’re back,” she exclaimed, smiling. “I was getting worried.”

“Worry not, I have returned,” he said, extending her arms theatrically. “I’m starving, actually.”

“Um,” she said, stopping him from rushing to the admin building. The rest of the courtyard was already empty, as they had had an early dinner. “I was actually thinking we could go out for a walk, don’t you think?”

She gestured to the forest, where an owl hooted loudly and flapped its wings. Louis raised an eyebrow at her, puzzled.

“Is this some joke Aasim put you up for?” he said, chuckling.

Sure hope not, she thought to herself. “No, I just wanted to show you your gift,” she said in a convincingly innocent tone. “Happy anniversary, Louis.”

She reached over and planted a soft kiss on his cheek that seemed to reawaken his senses. His face parted into a grin and made sure to leave the box of stuff by the gate. When he was done, he clapped his hands together. “That’s awesome, scavenger hunt sounds like fun,” he quipped, leaning down and taking her hand in his.

The couple started walking forwards, Clementine mostly leading the way. Despite not being accustomed to seeing her stump every morning, she had become quite adept at moving around on crutches, mostly due to Louis’s and AJ’s assistance. She trudged through the muddy grounds, making sure not to sink the wood too deep into any loose dirt patches.

The dark forest loomed ahead, the full moon shining brilliantly above them like a beacon, beckoning them to go deeper. Their steps were punctuated by the crunching of dry leaves, the only sound other than their breaths and the scuttling of small animals. Louis followed Clem without a word, and Clem went through the path in her mind over and over again.

At one point, about an hour after they’d departed, Louis’s resolve was beginning to waver. She heard him clear his throat behind her.

“Hey, Clem? Where exactly are we going?” he asked, his right hand in Clem’s and his left holding Chairles loosely.

Clem took a moment to stop and look around, grinning at him. “It wouldn’t be much of a surprise if I just told you now, would it?”

Louis sighed and nodded wearily. “I guess you’re right,” he said, smirking back at her. “Lead the way, Sunshine.”

Clementine chuckled as she turned and started back up the winding path. “Sunshine?” she asked, shaking her head.

“What? I think it’s cute,” he said, shrugging. “I was trying something, give me a break.”

“Alright, I’ll give it to you, it was kind of cute,” she admitted, rolling her eyes. “But don’t get too used to it.”

“Too late, Sunshine,” he quipped, picking up the pace to be on par with her and looking down at his girlfriend.

Sighing, Clem shook her head. “I guess I had that one coming,” she conceded, squinting as she looked for the signal Aasim told her would be around. When she spotted a small red handkerchief protruding from a spruce tree to their left, she knew where she was.

“We’re very close, only ten minutes left,” she told him, squeezing his hand affectionately.

“Can’t wait.”

For ten minutes they trudged through the thicket of trees that seemed to deepen the darkness around them, yet a single strand of silver light still illuminated their path for them. At long last, the small path opened up into a small pond the size of a large swimming pool. Around it, the roots of the trees shied away from the edge, yet small, white flowers blossomed on the reed-filled bank on one side.

Both Clem and Louis took in a deep breath as they took in the sight in front of them, their hands still intertwined. The lack of treetops above let enough moonlight shine through that visibility was enough to move around. They walked towards the edge of the water and around the pond to where a small clearing stood, almost expecting them to take the spot for themselves.

“Woah,” she heard Louis say as he looked around. “How come I’ve never found this?”

“Aasim said you probably haven’t wandered this far north,” she explained. Louis extended her hand to help her down and sat down beside her, setting the crutches on her side. “He claims to be the only one to know about this place.”

“Well, I’m sure Ruby knows about it too,” Louis said cheekily, smirking. Clem chuckled and silently agreed, making a mental note to ask Aasim if he’d brought Ruby here.

The couple sat in silence for a few minutes, basking in the beauty of their surroundings. The cold autumn breeze blew past them, making Clem shiver and wish she’d brought an extra layer of clothing. Louis seemed to have read her thoughts, for he took off his trench coat and draped it over her shoulders, much like she’d seen men do in those cheesy movies her mother used to love so much.

“Is this my anniversary gift?” Louis asked, looking up at the star-strewn sky.

“Uh, yeah,” Clem said lamely, scratching the back of her head. “I thought you’d like it.”

Backtracking, Louis nodded vigorously and smiled at her. “Oh, I love it! It’s very romantic,” he said, running a hand through his dreads and pulling them backward. His green shirt stuck to his body from sweat, making him seem slimmer than he was. Almost in unison, they both lay down on the bed of leaves, their hands intertwined at waist-height.

They talked about their days, Louis telling her about a couple of walkers he had to take out to get a hold of those expired candies. Unfortunately, once he’d tried one of them, his illusion to give them to AJ had been crushed. It hadn’t stopped him, however, from bringing them back just in case.

“You really went to all that effort for AJ?” she asked, tilting her head as much as she could, given her position on the ground.

“Of course,” he said, as it if was the most obvious thing in the world. “He’s your little dude. Our little dude.”

After saying the last words, Louis looked away quickly, his cheeks flushed. Clem’s eyes were wide, yet she did not flinch. As scared as she was of planning her life ahead, she knew her future, however short it may end up being, contained Louis in all scenarios.

“He really is,” she said reassuringly, placing a hand over his cheek and leaning in awkwardly. She planted a soft kiss on his lips, pulling him towards her. She heard his intake of breath as he deepened the kiss, running his thumb over her cheek.

After a few minutes, they broke apart, taking deep breaths as they regained their composure. Both their cheeks were flushed, and Louis’s chest was rising and falling rapidly.

“That was interesting,” he said croakily, barely above a whisper.

“Yeah,” she breathed, her eyes falling to his lips and back again to his brown eyes; the brown eyes that held so much joy in them and managed to reflect his smile every day, no matter how bleak the world may look now.

“Thank you, Louis,” she said finally, closing her eyes.

“What for?” he asked, puzzled.

Clem rose and leaned on her elbow, looking down at her boyfriend’s face. No matter how many times she had rehearsed this in her mind, the actual thing was much scarier than she’d ever imagined.

“Thank you for being there for me,” she explained, unable to meet his eyes. “For not giving up on me even when I seemed to give up on myself. In all honesty, I thought you’d leave me like a month into our relationship.”

“You know I’d never do that,” Louis exclaimed, almost defensively. Clem laughed softly despite herself.

“I know you wouldn’t,” she assured him, placing a finger over his lips to shut him up. “But that’s just how my mind works, don’t worry. And now, it’s been a whole year and we’re still together.”

Louis nodded with a smile, tilting his head as if to say, “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“So I guess what I’m trying to say is,” she whispered, finding the courage to look Louis in the eyes. “I love you.”

Louis’s eyes, those that were always so confident and full of joy, opened wide as plates. His mouth fell agape and his heart seemed to have skipped a beat from the movement he made. As a response, he leaned in and placed another kiss on Clem’s lips. When they broke apart once more, they were both smiling.

“I love you too, Clementine,” he whispered, much gentler than Clem had ever heard him speak.

Somehow, they both managed to chuckle heartily, seemingly unable to keep their eyes off each other. For a few minutes, the two of them was all that mattered in the world. They were everything that was real, and everything else was just outside intrusion. No owls hooted nor frogs croaked as if the forest were holding its breath to give the couple the silence they deserved.

For minutes that seemed to stretch into hours – hell, it could have been days, – none of them spoke. Their hands rested on each other’s waists, Louis’s hand drawing small circles on a bit of exposed skin on Clem’s side, which made her giggle softly.

At the sound of her laugh, Louis smiled and kissed her again, as if he could not get enough of it. Neither could she, however, so she didn’t stop him.

This time, a sound did break their seemingly impenetrable silence. A small cricket had rested upon a small rock, drawing their attention to it. Suddenly, Clementine remembered the second part of her present.

“Oh shit, I forgot,” she exclaimed, looking around the ground, searching.

“You hid something else in here?” Louis joked, following her gaze.

“No, silly,” she said, rolling her eyes yet smiling nonetheless. “Got it!”

She was holding a small rock the size of a golf ball. Louis looked at her with a puzzled expression and waited. Clem lifted herself up to a sitting position and threw the rock in the middle of the pond, disturbing its waters as ripples exploded from where the rock had hit it. For a few seconds, Clem thought she looked foolish and thought maybe this really was a prank by Aasim.

After a few moments of pure silence, however, her prayers were answered. A small lightning bug appeared from within the reeds, lighting up like a small light bulb in the night. It flew out into the air and towards the sky before more followed. More and more fireflies were emerging from the darkness and lighting up the surface of the waters in a bright yellow hue.

“Wow,” she heard Louis whisper as he himself scrambled to a sitting position beside Clem.

Together, they watched the dance the fireflies made, wavering in the cold breeze into the autumn sky, joining their brethren toward the stars, seamlessly fading into the darkness. The scene reminded her of those times in New Year’s, when her parents would light up a balloon and let it loose into the air, joining countless others from their neighbors. The breath seemed to have escaped Clementine as she marveled at the dancing lights, and she knew Louis was thinking along the same lines.

“That,” he said from beside her, placing a hand on her thigh, “was beautiful.”

“You’re beautiful,” she said, making her own lame attempt at being as cheesy as her boyfriend. To her relief, he found it rather amusing and laughed.

“I think I’m rubbing off on you,” he said cheerfully, kissing her cheek. As was usual, she blushed.

“Yeah, maybe,” she said, turning to look at him with fire in her eyes, heat rising to her cheeks once more. “Happy anniversary, Louis.”

Smiling once more, Louis said, “Happy Anniversary, Firefly.”

#twdg clementine #twdg louis #twdg telltale #twdg season 4 #twdg aj #au #fanfic #fireflies #fanfiction #clouis #louisentine #fluff #lots o fluff

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