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allhailthe70shousewife · 7 months

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I guarantee you could have polled every single kid in my grammar school in 1977 and not one of us was trying to be Donny for Halloween.

#probably a few wanted to be marie #i was obsessed with olga korbut and margot fonteyn and my teacher at that age #annoying teacher’s pet #i was more comfortable with adults #idle chat #halloween chat

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buggachat · 1 year

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not to say that ml is uncritcizable/perfect media or anything like that, but i think it's worth acknowledging that romantic media targeting a female audience as a genre is always waayyy disproportionately mocked. I'm just saying that if you've never even seen a single episode of the show and you confidently say that the show is "objectively bad", maybe you should ask yourself why you so confidently think that. and if your answer is the genre itself (mostly-episodic romance) or the target audience (young girls), then maybe. i dunno. take a step back and ask yourself why that's so inherently terrible to you

#also: if your answer is ''it's a cartoon that is popular with adults'' maybe you should stop being such a killjoy #again if youve seen the show and just don't like it or have problems with its structure or characters or whatever: this post isnt about you #but also i think people need to get more comfortable w the idea of describing media as ''not for me'' instead of ''objectively bad''

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rondoel · 2 months

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Looked into my folder and there was so much of them! 😭

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uncanny-tranny · 6 months

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I love you smile lines and worry lines and grey and white hair and wrinkles and purple spiderweb veins and the process of aging and living in a body that is standing the test of times. I love you experiences that make you wiser and stories that make you laugh, and every little process that happens to get to the point where you have so many memories because you have the fortune to be here and be so radiant

#positivity #pro aging #also i hate you 'anti aging' scams that capitalize on fear of aging. death by 1000000 papercuts for ye #saw a hair video where they restored the salt-and-pepper colour in an older clients hair and it looked SO GOOD at the end #i love when people throw in the towel and embrace their aging however that looks #it isn't productive to shame people who are ashamed of aging and i just want to. celebrate aging #in a world that simultaneously venerates youth and adulthood and hates BOTH you need to find some sense of freedom #as a Young Adult(tm) please please PLEASE older folks seeing this/following me know that i look up to you #older folks i need you to know that your worth NEVER diminished when you added a new number on your birthday cake #and your body and mind and soul NEVER lost worth because it started to creak a little at the joints #and i might be wrong about this because i'm still young but it can be SO tempted to miss your youth when you feel like...#...you've somehow LOST part of yourself by growing older. and so much of aging is about change and some things don't stay the same...#...and that IS scary and i will never once fault somebody for that. but please don't fall into the trap that because you've aged that...#...you somehow have forever lost fundamental pieces of Who You Are and you could never come back from that...#...for your own sake and sanity you deserve to find comfort and solice and understanding in who you still are...#...because you are still - at the core - the same. you can never take this away from yourself #and i know this might ring hollow because i just don't get what it's like to be older #but i have looked at my elders and felt awe at their age and their experiences #and i know what that is like and it's awesome. i just wish more older people knew that so many of us look at you with awe...#...and - if you can believe it - some of us ENVY your age or experiences or even body #i'm watching an 'older' content creator (older by internet standards 🙄) and i envy him for how eventful his life was #i envy that he experienced a different world - one that i have only heard about from my dad because i was too young to remember it #and i admire this person for their wisdom and thoughts because they've come from his experiences living in a Different World #it's that type of stuff that makes me unafraid to keep on living #inspired by following somebody like. twice my age posting about their excitement abiut growing older and !!!!!!! YEAHHHHHH #didn't realize they were closer to my dad's age but that's so cool???????????

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calamitys-child · 2 months

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My purpose and singular mission in life is to make sure queer and/or neurodivergent kids know that sometimes it really is their parents who are stupid and other adults are on their side. This, unfortunately, does not make me popular with their parents. Gonnae keep doing it though.

#kid was very overwhelmed by the theatre environment and panicking and didnt want to see the show cause it looked scary #and the mum was trying to get me to tell the kid its not scary (no i dont lie to kids i told her there are lots of funny bits but a couple #of maybe scary bits too)#and I told her hey listen the bravest thing you can do is tell people you arent comfortable somewhere. youve done so well to do that #and i gave her a program so she can learn more and make an informed decision if she wants to come another time #and i asked her what her favourite things are and she said science and animals and i told her to try the museum its super fun #and her mum was all 'ugh shes a nightmare she's ~on the spectrum~'#and i went yeah me too. and told the kid this isnt for everyone and she did well to tell me and i hope she likes the museum #and like. her mum yelling at her was making everything worse. talking to her like a person with agency?#got her from full panic attack to actively smiling at me in under 5 minutes #sometimes your parents or guardians are in fact being stupid or rude! neurodivergent adults exist! other people see you and hear what you're #saying and won't be mad!#anyway. now IM very overwhelmed but i really hope that kid remembers this and i hope she has a great day #im going to get a coffee and sit under a tree for a while

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novelconcepts · 11 months

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I’m sure I’m not the first person to say this, but I am so grateful that the Yellowjackets creative team has proven themselves flexible storytellers—in a lot of ways, but particularly regarding Van. ‘Cuz how many times do we get a lesbian in a show (especially a funny, lovable one) and resign ourselves to having to say goodbye in some catastrophic way? And this is absolutely the kind of show where, until you see the adult counterparts, any one of those kids could bite it. And that Van was SUPPOSED to die—or at least, wasn’t necessarily supposed to live—but Liv Hewson did such a fantastic job and the character became so enriched and so charming that she not only gets to live past season one, but gets to live into adulthood.

And that she gets to be so herself in adulthood; Van feels the least changed, in some ways, of any of the grown versions. She’s, as Ambrose and Hewson point out, dimmed down and calcified, but she’s still dressing the same, she’s still proudly gay, she’s out here acting as a sort of snarky cinema mentor to the kids who come into her shop. No, she isn’t happy, because none of them are, but she is alive, and she’s out and proud, and she’s a fundamental figure in this narrative when she could so easily have been written out in a blaze of fire or a wolf attack. I’m so grateful, because it means no matter where adult Van’s journey takes her, we’re getting to hang on to Hewson for as long as the show runs, as one of the core six members of the ‘96 cast, and that is fucking huge. We’re getting the message that at least two of those six characters are gay and get to grow up, and that gayness has nothing whatsoever to do with their trauma and problems in 2021. Like. Goddamn. That’s enormous.

#yellowjackets #yellowjackets spoilers #van palmer #liv hewson #am I worried about what will happen to Van the adult? fuck yeah #am I worried about what will happen to Van’s mental state in ‘96? of course #but we get to find out. we get to see her story continue to evolve #one of my favorite things about the structure of this show is that it manages to keep really high stakes #but also has sort of an underlying safety net of comfort for these characters we love so much #because they might die in the present timeline but at least for these core six we know we always go back to them in the past #it gives the meta energy of telling the story of a loved one after they’re gone #to keep them alive #and that we safely have that comfort with Taissa off the bat and now with Van as well? makes me so fucking happy #I cannot wait until we get more of this show. I can’t think about anything else

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cutieclangen · 3 months

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Do any other Clangen blogs want to be Clan neighbors? I think it's such a fun idea I've seen some do and I'd love to interact with others more! I have some events coming up that deal with two different neighboring Clans and I'd love to draw cats from other Clangens for them. Let me know if you'd like to be in-game neighbors!! :3

CutieClan is in the forest setting but honestly it doesn't really matter where your Clan is set in, I can make the interactions work out

Soooo yeah! c:

#i don't know what i'm doing but i want to be more involved in the community #we can talk about the battle cats through discord or something idk #just so everyone knows i am an adult #i'd prefer interacting with other adults #if you're a minor and interested in being clan neighbors we still can but #i am only comfortable contacting each other specifically about the comic and nothing else #and only through tumblr #clangen #warriors #warriorcats #cutieclan

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bytebun · 1 year

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I see a lot of characters older than a teen protag slotted into dad/uncle roles in found family tropes but frankly when I was 15-18 if anybody wanted to parent me I would politely remove myself from the situation. n if they insisted I would probably bite

#like no I totally get it and it can make for a good story and when you just want that found family comfort #but also like idk. I think teenagers esp those used to being on their own are gonna be a lot more bitey about it #the specific dynamic of uhhh yea no this isn’t my dad he’s my coworker friend guy. yea like 20 years older than me yea #is also under appreciated and rather funny I think.#I think a lot of late teens too basically think of themselves as fully grown adults more or less & responsible for themselves #and the dynamic of ppl around them going ‘this is a child’ is also very funny #I still remember the shocked look on my coworkers faces when I said I’d just turned 18 lol. Very funny #even if they end up as a dad/uncle figure I think the fraught process in between reaching that point is also very fun to explore…#bytebun rambles #tropes

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riddlerosehearts · 6 months

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thinking about floyd and riddle spending their first halloween as a couple together... i think floyd absolutely loves how varied and lively all of the different halloween traditions he's learned about since coming to live on land are, and he wants to try out as many of them as he can each year. so when riddle tells him that his mother always made him stay in his room studying on halloween, and that the only halloween activities he's ever done were those that NRC students were required to participate in, floyd decides that the two of them are just going to have to spend the day doing everything they possibly can. riddle tries to say he's far too busy for such things, but floyd will not let it go and honestly riddle is only half-heartedly protesting anyway because he secretly did always dream of doing the things that other kids got to do on halloween, and maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal to take one day off and spend time with his boyfriend.

so, riddle never got to make jack-o-lanterns? floyd decides to "borrow" about half a dozen of the pumpkins jade and azul had bought for mostro lounge and takes them to riddle's dorm room. riddle is terrible at trying to carve them at first and floyd can't help but laugh at him a little, but since he knows it's not riddle's fault he's never gotten to do this before, he says he'll show him how to do it. unfortunately floyd isn't nearly as good as he thinks he is on account of having lived in the ocean for almost his whole life and now riddle gets to laugh right back at him. they probably both get the hang of it right as they're down to their last two pumpkins.

riddle never got to go trick-or-treating with his childhood friends? floyd texts trey and convinces him to get in touch with chenya as well so that they can all go together. when they approach the first house, in the costumes they had prepared for each of their school's halloween events, riddle starts to get nervous and asks if they aren't all a little too old to be doing this. floyd shoves several huge handfuls of candy from that person's bowl into his and riddle's pumpkin-shaped buckets and tells him it's not like there's any rule that says they can't, and besides, riddle is such a cute little goldfish that he practically looks like a kid in his costume anyway! chenya stifles a laugh while trey has to stop riddle from committing murder that night.

riddle's never gone to a haunted house before? floyd and chenya both think it would be hilarious to make him go to one, so they do. riddle absolutely hates it, but it honestly does make him happy to see everyone else enjoying it--even if floyd and chenya both keep trying to egg him and trey on and get them to go down creepy corridors and check around corners by themselves, and even if floyd keeps running off to different parts of the haunted house and then coming back and hugging or even lifting riddle from behind knowing full well that he'll get freaked out by it.

riddle never got to play the apple bobbing game that's traditional in the queendom of roses? turns out there's a place right by the haunted house where they can go to do it! predictably, floyd is great at it while riddle ends up drenched without getting any apples, but just giving it a try is more fun than riddle expected.

riddle's never gotten to make candy apples before? luckily, trey knows an amazing recipe as well as what combinations of toppings work the best, and he's willing to teach them both! riddle gets very confused at imprecise directions such as being told to use "a few" drops of food coloring on the syrup or to drizzle "a little" white chocolate over it, and keeps asking trey exactly how much he should use. floyd thinks this is adorable. he also thinks it's adorable when riddle tries to scold him for ignoring half of trey's directions and just doing whatever he thinks sounds good.

riddle's never done a horror movie marathon before, or even seen any halloween movies in general? floyd insists that they marathon at least 3 movies together. after the experiences he had at the haunted house, riddle doesn't think he'll enjoy horror movies, but he tries to keep his cool throughout the first one anyway... which does not work out, because he really can't handle jumpscares or excessive gore. during the first movie they watch, floyd (who loves slasher films so much that he laughs and cheers every time the monster gets a kill) is happy to let his goldfishie cuddle up to him and grip onto his arm to keep himself from knocking the popcorn bowl onto the floor, but you know that once it's over riddle is getting teased relentlessly about how scared he was. floyd decides to be nice and put on something tamer for their next two movies, and riddle actually ends up really enjoying coraline and especially beetlejuice.

by the end of the night riddle realizes that they've stayed up way too late at night and a small part of him wants to scold floyd for keeping him up so late, insisting on having him do all of these silly activities and eat all of these terribly unhealthy snacks. another part of him wishes he could scold his mother for keeping him from doing any of these things as a kid, with his friends and the other kids in his hometown, the way you're supposed to do it... and another part of him still is just incredibly happy and grateful to floyd for finally giving him the chance.

#twisted wonderland #twst #riddle rosehearts #floyd leech #florid #floyddle #floyrid #floydriddle #floyd x riddle #riddle x floyd #man i wish the twst fandom agreed on ship names and tags lol. i think that's all the ones i've seen.#also YES i AM still posting halloween headcanon posts after halloween #sorry if this post is dumb and ooc. i may have a canon url but i do not claim to be a riddle expert much less a floyd expert #BUT i really do think riddle would enjoy animated halloween movies and more lighthearted horror comedies like beetlejuice #especially since beetlejuice has Rules. the ghosts have rules for the afterlife and even beetlejuice himself Has to follow rules.#so it's comforting and easy for riddle to understand #and i think floyd enjoys slashers and thrillers and such MORE than those types of movies but he will make compromises for his bf #because as much as he loves teasing him he doesn't want riddle to be like Actually Upset or to have a bad time #plus maybe i'm just a baby but i think coraline is genuinely pretty creepy even as an adult lmao #okay anyway. if it wasn't already obvious i love them <3

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mamawasatesttube · 1 month

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heres how t4t timkon can still win.

#rimi talks #every single timkon ive ever written is t4t and always will be. wahoo #take my hand. genderfluid transmasc tim and genderqueer nb kon. do you hear me #baby tim is closeted transmasc. teen tim is like im BINARY im MAN ONLY and in stringent denial of any dysphoria--#--around having more femme or agender days bc hes like no im clearly a GUY.#adult tim is genderfluid transmasc and finally comfortable in his own skin #meanwhile kon is assigned male at cadmus and doesnt start thinking harder abt it until his resurrection #at which point he gets a lot more introspective bc hes like. i was made to die saving the world and i DID so why am i back???#whats my actual purpose then?? what AM i ????#and the ''what am i?'' question leads to the queer realizations esp in the wake of his breakup with cassie #and he just slowly figures out feelings abt gender via learning fibercrafts and cooking and ''girl stuff'' from ma #hes like. well calling it all girl stuff is stereotyping i can be a boy who likes to make lace and decorate pies!!!!!#and hes not wrong he CAN. but also hmmmm actually maybe what if hes not. a boy.#do you hear me do you see the vision. i have thoughts

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quirkle2 · 1 month

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the angst in your zombie au bREAKS MY HEART INTO PIECES (I LOVE IT VERY MUCH)

okay, okay, so!! if the kagebros got separated from reigen and teru when mob is still fine, i imagine that their reunion would be hEARTWRENCHING also, i'm a bit curious, would mob still be able to recognize teru and reigen? or would he thought about them as strangers?

(tbh, following your lore, i imagine mob would act a similarly like nezuko from demon slayer? but instead of little hums, his zombie sounds would more like babbling and incoherent mumbles :"D)

the reunion is fuckin AWFUL man it's SO gut-wrenching. both reigen and teru feared this for Months while looking for the brothers; pretty much the worst case scenario was that mob or ritsu or Both turned—a lot of humans prefer death over being a zombie any day, so the idea of ritsu or mob having to go through that and wander around aimlessly until starvation or smth else gets them,,,

it hurts them so much to think about. teru forces himself not to dwell on it and he's pretty good at that but reigen thinks abt it a lot and he's honestly not sure what scenario is worse. best case is that they're both alive and unturned, obviously, but what's the worst case? you'd think it's both of them getting killed, or turning, but reigen also knows that if One of them got killed/turned, the other would probably lose their mind, especially if they had to watch. the fact that they're kids makes this all three times worse and reigen has to act like he's Not worrying himself sick over the brothers while he tries to keep teru in high spirits

the reunion itself is rly fuckin gut-wrenching for them. they see mob from afar, wandered off just a bit from ritsu and tome who are just around the bend looting a place, and they book it bc ofc they do, it's mob!! but then they see how pale he is, and when he turns around they don't see that light in his eyes that's usually there and the red is dulled and dead looking,, teru almost moves in for a hug before he realizes mob looks vastly different when he Rly takes him in, and mob doesn't rly react too much besides staring at them blankly. the obvious answer is almost too horrifying to even consider, so it takes them a minute to rly,,realize what's going on

tome comes around the bend and shouts, cuz when humans and zombies mix it's usually guns pointed at zombie heads. ritsu comes running out after her and when he sees reigen and teru his thoughts go, in order: holy shit is that reigen and tero ohmygod oh my god they're alive they're alive ohmy god i could fucking cry, and ohmy god they see shige ohno oh no oh no

ritsu sounds like a lunatic when he pulls mob away from them on instinct and says that he's safe to be around and that he's "still him" and he's "not gone" and he's very aware of that. he's very, intimately aware that he sounds fuckin crazy, bc ofc he does, this is what all the crazy people in zombie movies sound like. but he doesn't care, he doesn't care if reigen or teru dismiss him as nuts—he has to make them understand that his brother is still in there somewhere

and yeah, they both kinda think that ritsu's lost his marbles a little bit, but while teru is focused on that and the fact that mob doesn't look like he's rly tuned into Anything that's happening rn, reigen is a bit more focused on the fact that both ritsu and mob look awful? they're both very skinny and very dirty, obviously barely scraping by. they're cut up and ritsu's jacket is basically blood and dirt with a little bit of green fabric mixed in. and just by the look in ritsu's eyes, reigen can tell, man ... reigen can tell ritsu is like.not okay at this point he's kinda lost it.

i think the most painful thing about this whole reunion in general is that later that night, when reigen and teru r finally like ok we get it he's,, he's still mob. we believe you (they want to believe him... [they Do believe him, later, wholeheartedly]) and they settle down someplace safe, teru asks how long mob's been like this. and ritsu has to answer "since we got separated" and they both have that to stew over while everybody else sleeps

they realize that ritsu likely watched mob turn, watched the entire process, and that process takes a long time. it's at least a week of deteriorating motor functions and cognitive skill, and the fact that ritsu stayed for that to keep mob company is .ough. and it doesn't end there bc ritsu obviously stayed after that too

given how these things usually go, ritsu probably did think about killing mob. it probably did cross his mind, bc that's basically what everybody's been told to do. kill them before they have a chance to do any more damage. and it's obvious that ritsu did not have it in him

ritsu not only did not have it in him to kill him, he didn't even have it in him to leave him there. the kid fucking took him with him. a zombie. and he's somehow made it work, for months. and the next few days are filled with watching him still treat mob like a brother and take care of him and gently steer him away from a bird he tries to follow down the wrong street.ritsu is as gentle and kind as he's ever been with his brother. and even tho they're both hungry and tired and barely making it, ritsu is doing a rly good job taking care of mob with what he's been given

the kid obviously wholeheartedly believes in a cure and that mob is still There. he's gone through the trouble to take care of him, and the grief of continuously seeing a loved one that many would consider effectively dead, to get him that cure. to get him his brother back. and mob doesn't seem to be in any pain or distress, so reigen and teru think that this path ritsu has followed is probably infinitely kinder than the mercy kill method they've been taught to do

i think they have a new respect for ritsu, after that reunion

#qktalks #anon #zombie au #and also yes!! mob Would indeed recognize them and not attack them #i've never seen demon slayer but im assuming ur talking abt the main character's ??little sister?? smth like that #but yes i adore the idea of mob saying rly weird incoherent sentences that Almost sound like real words but like slightly to the left #bein a zombie rewires ur brain completely man .his mind is struggling a lot to say what it wants to say #it takes mob a moment to rly catch onto who's in front of him during the reunion but when he does realize there Is recognition in his eyes #fun fact; if u hug zombie mob muscle memory kicks in and he hugs back!#reigen and teru don't find this out until a few days later. they're a bit.. scared of him snapping at them for a while #but once they see that mob never once snaps at ritsu Or tome they're a little more willing to get near him and touch him #teru finally hugs mob and mob hugs back and it makes teru cry VGEAYEAV #(ritsu has hugged zombie mob enough to where now mob leans into his hugs.just giving u smth to sob over)#still related to the reunion but focusing more on ritsu:#after they reunite reigen notices that ritsu has a lot more..authority in his tone. he's a lot more comfortable taking charge #but he also notices that ritsu looks Exhausted and for a while he has trouble relinquishing the lead role to reigen aka the only adult #and it's entirely bc ritsu is just so used to doing things on his own now that he Forgets he has people to lean on #so it takes a bit for him to remember he has an adult to take care of him now #bro definitely overworks himself a lot in his haste to take care of mob :(#ritsu eventually lets himself lean on reigen when he's tired #poor kid melts into that kind of care after so long of not having that and being the sole provider for him and mob #when tome came around it got easier. but that also meant it was another mouth to feed so.only a little bit easier </3

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littlegeecko · 10 days

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ddo you still mess with the scary ass hedgehogs

yes : ] i think they're pretty neat, i just havent had the time to draw em again considering all my new projects are more echo centered (and feed on my adult audience a lot more)

#ask #plus i feel alot more comfortable on a side thats mainly adults #compared to the exe fandom #they're still fighting for their lives to be distinctive from fnf #soi really havent been very active on there in favor of echo #since furries and echo rn is giving me money and a more uhhh #stable ish? community

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akairokara · 3 months

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so many mangas have characters that look like they’re 15 but their actual age is supposed to be 25 or sth… but in one piece it’s the opposite…

you’re telling me this man is 21??? there’s no way he’s younger than 28

and you expect me to believe he’s also 21???? that is a 30 year old recent divorcee who’s coping by bleaching his hair and getting a soul patch

#one piece #i wonder if oda got more comfortable including actual adult main characters after robin was introduced #cos their ages do start to match their design more after i think… like yeah i could believe law is a scruffy looking 24 yo #but like. These are not young adults 😭

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notafagipromise · 9 months

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sometimes i hate reading fan fic because after it's over i will never have anything from that universe anymore and i will never feel what it made me feel again

#especially if it's an orphan work or from a anonymous author #yes this is about the devils white knight from a anonymous author #IT'S SO GOOD #i just cant get enough of it im rereading it rn #the relationship of Regulus and Harry is so sweet i see so many jegulus raising harry fics but this is the only one where harry is an adult #it's so nice to see Regulus as a steadying comforting presence contrary to james being more straight forward and protective #i love it so #like fr the scene where harry is suffering from night terrors and reg just holds him and makes him tea MY HEART!!!!#this is a love letter #author if you are seeing this you have no idea how much i love that work #the marauders #harry potter #jegulus #jegulus raising harry #james potter #regulus black #fanfiction

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tariah23 · 1 month

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I rly don’t see how ppl be 20+ shipping kids anymore tbh… like, it’s so rampant and I don’t see the appeal to it anymore being as tho I’m in my late 20’s.

#I’m grown….. it always baffles me to see it like man I don’t care I don’t find joy in it anymore since I’m not a teenager #I just look at them and think they’re like my fake son… daughter nephew niece whatever lol #give me the struggling and mentally fucked up 20+ year old give me those middle age bitches man if I’m going to like a ship now anyway #like i don’t care about the romance between kids man it sucks that this is such a huge thing in most fandom spaces #not that I participate in said spaces since ppl are annoying and embarrassing #also very nasty #sns is diff tho like that’s a whole other thing 🪽#sns is just a classic it’s legendary it transcends space and time it it-#I’m so glad that jjk is full of adults tho lmfaoo #one of Gege’s only W’s… especially impressive for a shounen #i like jjk outside of the goiji pairings too like I just genuinely enjoy it despite how awful it is now lol #again #I do think that ppl need to learn how to become more comfortable with enjoying media outside of shipping tho #like there’s nothing wrong with it obviously but I’m talking more like how tons of ppl only get into a new series for the sole purpose #of shipping instead of engaging with said media and the story that it’s trying to tell…#this is why fanon and wild insane hc’s usually get out of control too to the point where those who might be interested in checking out #a series might be deterred because they don’t even know what the show is about because the only stuff that ppl see about the thing is ship #stuff and like discourse #and the behavior of the fans…#these ppl be 30+ arguing with teenagers man it’s crazy to me #I just think there needs to be a balance lol #like still go crazy. Have fun and all but you get it #but anyway. with all that being said! Goiji stays winning in my heart 🚶🏾‍♀️#rambling

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creatingnikki · 9 months

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I'm doing all of this adulting right. I'm filing my taxes and I am paying bills and I am becoming fluent in corporate speak and I am not saying what I really feel. I am speaking to doctors for my parents' health issues and I am staying away from old lovers and new vices the best I can. I am doing all this. I'm trying to be rational and realistic and cancel my subscription to delulu land. But tonight...tonight I feel like a child who is crying simply because they want something they can't have.

What do I want?

I want you. More precisely I want to feel the peace I felt when I was with you. That summer night in mid July when I was drunk and high but still so very sober, lying next to you giggling, speaking softly. The way you held me. The way you asked me to stay a while and rest. The comfort and safety and peace I felt in those few moments, I haven't felt that in a really long time in the company of another human. I want more of that. I thought we would have more of that. If nothing else.

I was okay with it being so very lowkey that we only met during late evenings and chilled in your dim lit living room talking about art and books and how there are only really limited plot devices with you trying to scan your book collection to find me this particular book. I was okay with you not loving me as long as you were soft towards me and as long as you held me like that. I was okay with not naming this thing anything, throwing away all labels, as long as our eyes kept talking and we kept smiling in each other's presence.

But it seems like you don't need me. You don't need me to feel anything. Your peace is yours. Your comfort and your safety and your intimacy. You have plenty of sources for that. Your life is abundant. Whole. And you know I am happy about that. I love that for you. So, then, instead of needing me, can't you want me?

What can I do to make you want me?

If I stick to all the rational and reason of adulting I know the question to ask isn't that. The question to ask is how can I make my life abundant with peace and comfort and a sense of safety and calm? But until I don't find the answer, can't I come and lay my head on your chest and smell the detergent on your shirt as you hold me close and make it all feel okay? Can't I? Is that really so much to ask?

Can I?

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