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o-wild-west-wind · 7 months

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A Biracial Reading of OFMD, ft. Iggy’s Revenge Izcourse

a.k.a. I typed out a sentence that turned into an accidental essay of meta, whoops!

Y’all…I love this fandom to pieces, but I don’t think some of you realize why not all of us love Izzy/may be critiquing him. And major disclaimer—I am in NO WAY telling anyone to stop enjoying him as a character. This is NOT an anti-Izzy post (I will go into more detail on why I in fact encourage you to keep doing so later, and to the people who are sending unsolicited hate mail to Izzy fans & haters alike: please don’t!)—I’m just tired of seeing vitriolic hate against the people writing about him as an antagonist, or critiquing his actions based on canon, or post after post of “why don’t people love Izzy like I do!!” and then aggression when people explain their honest opinions. Look: we all have our skrungly little bad guys. I get it!! I’ve got my own collection!! I too have become a consumer and enjoyer of the Izzy fanon!!! PLEASE don’t take this as an attack—I just want to provide some personal, potentially fresh context from at least one (obviously non-exhaustive) perspective for those who want to know why Izzy isn’t universally adored, and also to make a plea for a safer fandom space where we can talk about our perspectives on these fictional characters without escalating to unnecessary vitriol, especially as s2 be upon ye (bc holy shit fandom is supposed to be fun, we’re having fun and that’s an order 😤)

(Oh, and I know I’m potentially stirring the pot with this post, but this should go without saying: don’t send each other death threats. What the fuck. Nobody do this?!)

So now that the legalize is out of the way: I want to share that the reason I initially imprinted on this show—and on Ed specifically—was because I’d never seen an explicitly biracial character treated with such complexity, nuance, and grace. While our ethnic makeups are vastly different, I too am half-white & half-brown—which means we’re absolutely nothing culturally alike, but our worlds view and treat us as pretty much the same regardless. And like Ed, my dad resents my mom and my racial makeup, and is prone to what I like to call “white violence.” Not going to overshare on the internet, but let’s just say that all this compounded makes Ed feel highly relatable to me (although for legal purposes I promise I have not krakened my dad 🙃).

When I first watched the show (and honestly also until my 3rd or 4th rewatch), Izzy IMMEDIATELY made me think of my dad. He also immediately made me think of Ed’s dad. Their mannerisms, word choices, and tones of voice; the obsessive need for control; the default of violence; the gradual dehumanization until an ultimate kraken-ifying breaking point—it all read to me like an intentional parallel. A shadow of white violence following Ed around that he hasn’t been able to shake, and mirroring to him the things he fears the most, including the things he fears within himself and feels forced to become (he is half-white after all, and this is a whole other post, but tl;dr there can be a lot of baggage that comes with being half-white/half-poc in regards to grappling with your toxic relationship to that white side of yourself, and especially if your white parent was racist and/or violent). And you can claim a different reading of all of this if you want (I genuinely mean that, like I’m in favor of meta & I think it’s great to analyze these things) BUT. that does not change the fact that I felt what I felt as a result of what was portrayed on screen and combined with my lived experience. Because fictional characters are just that—fictional—and are vessels by which you can process the world; we will always bring our personal lived experiences to anything we consume, and that’s okay—that can be the point, even. Art imitates life imitates art. Interpretation is the name of the game!

(more under the cut)

So when I watch this show, it’s a helpful tool for me to process my own feelings of being victimized by the white violence that’s followed me around my whole life, as well as the ways in which I’ve rebelled against it/tried to make peace with a non-toxic version of whiteness (in parallel to the more overt theme of masculinity, which is—ding ding—inexplicably tied to whiteness and western colonialism) via chaos, love, hurt, and sometimes giving up and giving in—and in this process, Izzy is a safe target. And you know why that is? Because he’s FICTIONAL. I can feel rage towards him because he’s NOT REAL. I can better understand and process the pain I’ve felt and rarely seen societally acknowledged by watching it paralleled on screen via actors and writers who have likely also grappled with similar feelings (I mean, I genuinely have made more progress with my personal biracial trauma via this show vs. years of therapy), and if I want to assume the worst of Izzy based on my interpretation of canon to help me through this? That’s fine! Because I can’t hurt his feelings and he can’t hurt mine!! Because he’s not real!!!

And here’s why I still support the Izzy-enjoyment: I am sure that many of the people who love Izzy and defend him to the ends of the earth probably feel a similar way that I do about Ed. It’s why we get all riled up and protective of these characters, why we might take attacks on them as attacks on ourselves; recognition of the self in the form of the other, and all that. Izzy is a vessel by which to safely work through the dark feelings and the pain you’ve bottled up—and he’s a safe way to do that because he’s FICTIONAL. And that’s a beautiful thing imo!! That’s truly the beauty of art—it is what we make of it, and what we make of it helps make ourselves better. It’s good to be open to interpretation.

HOWEVER: that does not give you permission to discount my relationship to this show (as I will not discount yours), and more importantly: that does NOT give you permission to reject the notion that canonically in s1, Izzy is literally and thematically (emphasis on thematically) an antagonist who is purposefully written to cause harm that can be interpreted as a hate crime, especially to those with lived experience of homophobia/racism/ableism/bullying/etc.—and you cannot harass people about this when conversing about theories of canon. If someone sees Izzy’s dialogue as cutting, degrading, and even triggering, that’s extremely fair of them to do so—clearly Ed was written to feel it that way! Con himself has paralleled Izzy with Judas! And can interpret it all differently? Sure! But you CANNOT assume that everyone else will, and then get upset when people don’t. I can’t believe I need to spell this out about an angry white guy in a show about toxic masculinity, but if someone does not like Izzy, it is likely due to a personal history of harassment (or worse) that he is reminiscent of; by making a point to defend him to someone—even if you are well-intentioned—you are very much putting salt in a wound.

I want to take this opportunity to further emphasize some tenets of fandom in general:

you can like characters who do horrible things without needing to jump hoops to argue their morals as pure 👏

conversely, you can critique their actions and still like them (encouraged, even) 👏

you can like characters who do horrible things simply because they’re cool and hot and interesting—don’t worry, we know it’s not the same as liking people like them irl 👏

your liking a villain archetype says nothing about your own moral virtue 👏

you can like horrible characters and see reasons for why they are the way they are/view them as tragic/note sympathetic dimensions of their personality/root for them to have redemption arcs while acknowledging that said redemption arc may not have happened in canon yet and that these are implicit, not explicit, readings of canon 👏

and you can also reimagine canon and change their contexts in fan works so that they ARE morally virtuous 👏 but PLEASE just be mindful and accountable when you do this in a context where not everyone will see a character the same way as you, and where multiple of people of marginalized identities have spoken out about the harm not doing so can cause. Just be honest, sincere, and kind, listen and learn, and don’t harass people for understandably needing space from a character that symbolizes something different to them than it does to you.

Also: blocking tags or people just because they have character opinions different than yours is totally okay and does not mean anything other than “I am curating my online space to have a better time,” it’s NOT personal

And most importantly: FANDOM IS FOR FUN! This isn’t our day job! We come to fandom to decompress. Don’t ruin people’s safe spaces!!!

Like I said, I’ve grown to enjoy Izzy over time thanks to fandom and fanon, and I think it’s fantastic that fandom can have such diversity in the way it interprets canon. I can’t wait for his probable redemption arc (it will likely be a healing thing to witness for many of us) and I’m truly glad that we can all have different relationships to the same characters. But please—when some of us need Izzy to be a punching bag, just let him be a punching bag. No, it’s not homophobic and DEFINTELY not misogynistic to view him as an obstacle in Ed and Stede’s relationship (baffled by the amount of times I’ve seen this take—it’s a funny joke but if you actually think Izzy is treated the way female characters related to other mlm ships have been treated, the point is very much going whoosh). You don’t have to engage; it’s not personal. It’s not about YOUR relationship with him—it’s about MINE. Please let me feel and even discuss rage towards him when I think about episode 10. Please let me throw as many sandwiches at his head as I need to. Because I PROMISE, it won’t hurt him—because he, and none of these characters, are real; and yet we, the fans, very much are.

#woof #did I add enough disclaimers?#this was longer than intended so if you read all the way through I’m giving you a kiss #I wasn’t going to engage but I keep seeing vitriol in the tag when all I want to do is decompress and I just…#I just came here to see gay ppl kiss sir this is a Wendy’s #fandom should be a safe space and I hate getting an ick from tumblr when it’s what I’m trying to use to escape the bad shit #life is hard enough lmao #anyway #please be kind to each other #I could go into the whole other topic of what the trauma of Covid did to our virtual affect and interpersonal skills but #alas that’s a thesis within itself #and on that note I have my actual thesis to work on so i won’t be closely monitoring this post just needed to get this all off my chest #and for what it’s worth I’ve been trying to avoid s2 spoilers so I haven’t seen the Izzy clip yet but that’s honestly irrelevant to this #bc this is in relation to s1 and I hope we can all just have a good time again this season #ofmd #our flag means death #the izcourse #ofmd meta #trauma #racism

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hoshinokaabi-secretsanta · 6 months

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Hi there, mod team, and thanks for your hard work in organizing this event! Kirby’s kind of a new fandom for me, but I’ve been getting super into it, and itching for an excuse to dabble more. I have a few questions, if you don’t mind? I’ve done a number of exchanges over the years, and there are a few things in your rule set I’d appreciate some clarification on—even if it’s just to declare, “Assume Good Faith,” and go from there!

Firstly, if I want to participate as only a writer, do I need to provide a link to examples of my writing for the Portfolio question on the sign-up? I would assume so, as the rules elsewhere say that writing and art are both allowed, but the rules seem to focus mostly on art, particularly in the Portfolio section.

Relatedly, if the poll option for matching participants by skill level wins, will writing also be privately assigned a technical skill ranking to help with matching? Since the rankings will be private, is there any plan to address what to do in case someone with, say, a high writing ranking but a low art ranking is matched to someone with the expectation that they’ll be doing fic but they decide they want to try doing art instead?

Secondly, can you elaborate on specifically how you’ll be applying the rule against romantic content between adults and minors? Read-as-written, I can see at least three different ways it could be interpreted, so some clarification would be much appreciated!

Is character maturity determined by canon? If so, which canon(s)? If multiple forms of canon are accepted, is it okay to request ships that might be okay in one canon but not in another?

Is character maturity determined by the mods? If so, can you share which characters you’ll be considering as minors versus which will be considered adults?

Is character maturity determined by individual participants? If so, does that mean that any ship is alright as long as the characters involved are both depicted as being on the same side of the minor/adult line, but determining where that line falls is left to the judgement of the individual participants, in accordance with their wishlists/blacklists?

Thanks very much!

Hey! Super appreciate how nice you are. I hope you enjoy this fandom, first of all. It's a very comfortable one to be in, in my opinion 🥰

I apologize the rules and otherwise are biased towards visual artists! As you'll soon see in my answers here, in my experience with hosting events, the more details you specify for people to follow, the more confusing it gets and the less people follow any of the rules in the first place. I understand too many rules and guidelines is overwhelming, so it was important to me to keep things curt in the initial posts. That means guidelines for writers, and age specifications, got cut a little because it applies to very little people in the first place. I realize that's disrespectful to other types of artists participating in our event though, so I added onto the rules post and I'll try to elaborate more here.

Answering your questions proper now: yes, please include a portfolio even if you're a writer! I understand the length of a piece can vary a lot, as does the amount of effort you put into a writing piece does not necessarily equal how "finished" you think it is, so writing portfolios don't need to follow the "at least three finished pieces" rule. Just include whatever you have, with showing one piece minimum, and at least one piece out of however many you choose to link must have at least 1200 words, since that's the minimum requirement for our event.

Writing will be its own category, rather than using the 5-point ranking scale, if that option on the poll wins. This is because making wishlists and blacklists work in a smaller pool of people (the people who stated they are okay with receiving writing as a gift) is quite difficult. You bring up a good point with the conflicting skills in differing arts though! Now that you mention it, multiple people who stated they could gift multiple arts only put drawings in their portfolio (no one has to change that by the way, if you're reading this and panicking). In that case, we might just assign them to someone who only wants to receive drawings to get rid of that variable all together. Again, due to the very low amount of writers/other artists participating in the first place, those will be assigned on a case-by-case basis. I will say we will follow what's in people's portfolios first and foremost though. We won't go and personally hunt down someone's other art work if they didn't list it. If someone stated they could gift both writing and drawings, but only showed drawings in their portfolio, mods will giving them a point ranking and be running under the assumption they'll be gifting drawings, while keeping the "writing" part in the back of our minds.

Onto your second question: I can also see three different ways that could be interpreted 😆 I tried to purposely keep it vague. You hit the nail on the head with "assume good faith". Stating that in the first place was mostly to scare away any true... questionable people rather than something I expected to enforce. From a cursory glance at people's wishlists so far, yep, there's either none or maybe one ship that could be considered that in anyone's canon on anyone's list, so I don't feel the need to set out guidelines for it. If you, or anyone, is really concerned about a ship you'd like to request being seen that way, I'd recommend thinking about and following the general fandom's view on things (ex: Kirby being seen as a child in any canon). Us mods wouldn't step in if you were to, for example, request Magolor/Kirby, because you could interpret those two to be in the same age range and we will assume good faith, but most people wouldn't be comfortable fulfilling that request. The same goes for any sort of non-adult/minor controversial ship too, really, but we don't have any hard-set rules on this.

#q&a

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licncourt · 6 months

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Hi!!!! I have been reading your tvc metas, and they are wonderful and I want to thank you for it!

I have been struggling to read theses books, and it really help me, I love IWTV, Louis is my fav, the aspect and style of first book is astonishing, the entire loustat dynamic is fascinating. And as much I love Lestat too, I didn't like TVL, and it left me frustrated with myself and disappointed with the book. It took me weeks to read TVL, and even more months to finish QotD. For me IWTV could stand alone, the other books seem to be part of a completely different series.

Your metas have helped me deal with my frustrations with TVC, and thank you for that, because i love theses characters (some of them) and I want to know their stories, still sad due to the lack of Louis, and I will try to read all the books so that my information about it are not all second handed.

and most important, I love your blog, I love your art and your fanfics 🫶

That's so nice of you I'm so so glad!! It's so exciting when someone likes my metas and fics, I love to write them! It's especially cool if it's made the books more enjoyable!! Book Louis is my special little guy of all time and like a small weird mangey rabbit that I keep as a beloved pet even though he bites so I'm also very happy to hear that you loved IWTV!!

As pretentious as it sounds, I was disappointed that a lot of new fans coming from the show didn't really Get book Louis or make an effort to understand his character. He's....challenging (nasty and gross) but there's so much rich character building there and it makes me sad when people write him off as boring and one note. AMC Louis is a really great character and I enjoy him a lot, but I don't like sentiment that he's a "fix" for a bad character.

As for TVL, I really do love it (even though IWTV is my favorite), but I can see how the style change can be jarring. In a way, it almost IS a different series because the narrator and POV has changed so drastically. It's in the same universe, but a totally different take on it to match a contrasting personality. I think it comes across better on a second read too because you're more prepared for the switch and have more context.

I can understand being partial to one style or the other (plenty of people prefer TVL to IWTV which I understand for sure), but I hope that even if the book itself wasn't for you that you enjoyed the insight into Lestat’s character. The first two books combined make for such a fantastic relationship dynamic in top of great stand alone characters, even better than just IWTV on its own in my opinion because now we know so much about them both.

This might be somewhat controversial among VC fans (?) but I don't really care for QotD either, with the exception of the Devil's Minion chapter and the ending with Loustat. I think it really shows the flaws beginning to emerge in AR's writing, but it's SO much better than what comes after that it gets more praise than maybe it deserves. Then again, I'm extremely partial to character-driven stories, so maybe if you're a plot guy it's a matter of preference.

If you've read my metas I'm sure you know that I don't really recommend anyone read past QotD, but I also see it as kind of rite of passage if you really want to be in the real trenches of the book fandom. It's miserable and you won't be the same afterward but the curse of forbidden knowledge is kind of a unifying factor, the ties that bind. If you choose to proceed then I wish you best and hope you'll come back to commiserate later.

Either way, I'm really glad you got some value from my metas! I love some of these characters so much and I'm super happy they were validating for you as a reader and maybe enhanced the experience in other ways! I aim to provide only the best VC Sparknotes.

I always have more to talk about (in meta and in fic), so I hope you enjoy everything that's coming just as much!

#answered #vc

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fure-dcmk · 7 months

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As one of my favourite and most inspiring artists on Tumblr, I wanted to ask you for advice about being an artist online

I'm a self-taught artist who mostly draws OCs for my own amusement but I also like trying to draw fan art and I had accounts before where I posted some of my art

But I'm very self-critical so I took down my art because I'm still learning and I hated finding mistakes in it. I also deleted my accounts due to personal life setbacks.

But I really want to get back to posting again one day hopefully after I practice digital art more.

So... do you have any advice for artists who are insecure about putting themselves out there and engaging with a public audience?

I really would appreciate your insight

Thank you

♥️

Aaaa anon i'm not sure if I can give any useful advice but i'll try T_T

personally I'm pretty lenient on myself, i prefer to prioritize productivity than quality. so im not sure how helpful my POV would be to a perfectionist. and i see myself as a 'fandom artist' where people follow me for a specific fandom rather than my own art. plus drawing is my way to consume and process my obsession, I have no inclination to do original stuff. in other word, i truly feel inept in providing an advice on this anon orz

but I'll try anyway, it depends on what you want from posting art online. do you want the dopamine from seeing others enjoying your work? do you want to make friends? are you frustrated a thing you like barely has any content so you decide to cook your own food? you should have a vauge idea of what you want from posting

in my opinion, new artist tend to be more insecure in posting, a lack of engagement can demotivate you from posting entirely. so, posting serious art that take days to make are the motivationally the riskiest. people usually struggle to give feedback to serious art. when these posts flop you'll end up feeling more insecure

my advice is to prioritize fun first. things like memes, funny or interesting ideas. sketchy comics are my go-to tbh. people usually have more things to say on things like that.

so you can try to balance low effort content so that it doesn't hurt as much when the stuff that you do spend a lot of time in flops. doesnt mean you should stop experimenting and improving, just do keep in mind posts like that usually don't do that well, you should set your expectations properly.

^this is the most realistic advice i could give anon.

also im not sure if this would be helpful but everytime i get into a new thing, i will first only draw for myself. I'll only start to upload when i hoard too much and it start to feel ridiculous to not publish them

I'm wishing you luck on your art journey!

#ask #all of my prev fandom that lead to my account growth all has element of me getting into a niche-#-and a luck element when im there at the right time #so my experience may be completely useless to an average online artist 🤕#excuse the poor grammar i was fighting for my life to make this coherent

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just-before-dawn · 1 year

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Regarding the CATS zine...

Hi everyone! It's only been a day and the form has already reached 50 responses which is what my goal was for interest! I'm surprised that so many of you are so interested in creating a zine! The form closes on January 30 at 11:59PM EST, so let's shoot for more responses in the meantime!

There have been some questions and concerns regarding this zine so I will dig into that.

First things first: THE THEME!!

A lot of you guys chose "Character Spotlight Pages" for the theme suggestions I provided and many of you guys also recommended for "Other Productions and Non-Replicas" as a theme suggestion too! Well, I think it'd be fun to do "Character Spotlight Pages", but the contributor gets to choose which production design for their chosen cat! This theme isn't official until after the form ends, but I want your thoughts and opinions about this!

Next, the steps...

After the interest check form closes, I will be opening up Mod Applications which are very important in the creation of a zine. I cannot handle so many things at once, so Mods will be super helpful in the contribution to this zine, and if they want, they can also participate as a contributor!

When Mod Applications close and Mods are chosen, then the Contributor Applications will open! This is when all of you wonderful and talented artists and writers apply for the zine. The chosen Mods and I will then decide who will be accepted to contribute (the number of contributors have not been decided yet, so please do not panic.).

A Discord server will be created for all communication and progress checks in regards to the zine. Contributors and Mods who have been chosen and accepted will be sent the link when it happens.

Who gets to join?

This zine is open to anyone in the Cats fandom who wants to contribute their artistic skills and writing abilities! Anyone can submit the Contributor form if they want to!

Contributors would have to start developing some sort of portfolio (like a Google Drive) so that the incoming Mods and I can see a full look at your work, this also includes writers!

But please know that not everyone who applies will be accepted, but don't let rejections ruin your visions on how you perceive your skill. Everyone is super talented in their own way, it's all in the matter of how many contributors we can fit into the zine in terms of production and costly manners. Think of it as a job application haha.

There have also been suggestions about some specific users that you guys recommended! (Some of you guys recommended a lot!!) I will try my best to invite as many as I can without overriding the expected number of people who wish to contribute!

Other Concerns...

I've gotten some comments and concerns about proshippers being in the zine? I haven't been in the fandom long enough to discover proshippers and all of that, but in all honesty, I've had huge problems with the entire proshipper/anti discourse in past fandoms and I'm extremely tired of it (I am neither a proshipper or an anti, I just wish to not dwell in drama, I'm here to enjoy a musical about singing and dancing cats asjdf). I want to keep this zine and the creation of this zine as unproblematic as possible, this should be a fun experience for everyone! If there are some MAJOR concerns though regarding a certain creator, please DM me and we will talk.

Some concerns about how Merch will be sourced, I, myself, am trying to open a small business and I have knowledge and experience (through other zines and my own personal work) about how certain merch items are produced.

For-Profit or For Charity Zine? I'm thinking of heading towards the Charity Zine! I have not decided about which charity to donate the zine's profits to...maybe some amazing suggestions for that as well?

That's all the questions, comments, and concerns I have gathered up for the moment! If there are anymore, my ask box is open as well as my DMs! Please do not hesitate to ask me anything else!

You guys are all amazing, be sure to share this post (and the link to the contributor form post) around CATS Tumblr! The more people, the better the results!

Contributor Form Post

#cats the musical #cats musical #cats 1998

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vesperewrites · 7 months

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"but I can't see any difference in quality" anon..Please be honest with yourself. Either you don't read much or I think you may be pretty deeply in denial. Just purely going off the fact that the lucemond ao3 feed is currently filled with twitter fics, google translated fics (and that's not an insult, the A/N will say, 'I put this through google translate') and people's first attempts at fanfic is a pretty clear indication that the objective quality has dropped. You are still allowed to enjoy these things and support these authors, but it's very much not the same as it was in the NOV-FEB period where we had very seasoned authors (if you don't like the term popular - fine. But these authors were much more experienced in world building, prose, character building etc) writing more than one shots for lucemond.

And like, I'm sad about it too? I want the fandom to prosper and to have fic variety and long, complicated fics but it's also normal for those kind of authors to move on because they are used to a certain level of engagement from their readers that Lucemond cannot provide at the moment. Because Lucemond and HOTD fandom is in a lull. Which again, totally expected and normal.

What i don't understand, is the point of this fandom's head-in-the-sand approach to nearly everything. Not just this, but when we talk about certain tropes, or character popularity or toxic comment culture - so many people think the best thing to do is pretend nothing is wrong or it doesn't exist. As though that'll make it go away somehow.

Hi anon, can you pick an emoji so I can differentiate between you and the other anons?

Special thanks to @jojodacrow for helping me word this succinctly and for letting me use your words to explain some stuff.

To start: There's so many talented arts, cool twt threads, and fics being made/updated. If it's not your cuppa, then I don't know what else I can say that I have not already said in previous asks.

I disagree that the "objective quality" dropped considering the bevy of talented folks here. If you're referring to the people that left, along with their fics (the quantity and quality of it), then yeah, shame. There's nothing we can do about it, and it's not my kink to beg.

There seems to be plenty of amazing writers (new and old) still here since the beginning, and I'm having a good time.

As far as the other "quality has been good" anon goes: it's not fair to say that they're in deep denial when that is their own fandom experience and opinion. Just like you're entitled to yours.

Anon, I feel like you are conflating two separate things here.

Every fandom has its peak, a time where everyday is just shiny and new--everyone is creating content, meta, art, inside jokes are created. The fandom feels the most alive for that extended period of time and everyday brings something exciting.

But that time never lasts.

Fandoms go through lulls, they ebb and flow like you have said. Some fandoms fizzle out very quickly. I think, that as a writer, I can imagine that there's disappointment with fic engagement going down. Most of my friends (DNF fandom) are writing for the love and enjoyment of writing, and not for the engagement they get. That's not to say that it's not okay to wish to have good feedback, kudos, or a nice comment. As humans, we naturally seek some validation. But there are authors who are only seeking those engagement numbers and interactions like a drug. There's nothing wrong with jumping to different fandoms/writing for new ships just to get that high again.

However, it's not an obligation for the reader to comment/interact every single time. Just like how we are not obligated to write/draw/create for this fandom.

Side note: That being said, it doesn't give a good excuse to harass authors or give entitled comments. :/ I'll reblog a post from a friend that nails this extremely well when it comes to comment culture and etiquette (thanks @jojodacrow!)

Like yeah, NOV-FEB seemed to have been poppin', cool, yeah. But uh, there's nothing we can do about it. We might see a resurgence for S2, but probably never to the levels we saw again. That is something you are going to have to accept. Even when the new season starts... it's not going to be like it was where we see those crazy amounts of fics again.

It's not that I don't like the term "popular"; that was only mentioned because you brought it up in another ask. But as I've said before: popular ≠ good. There is a certain level of experience that comes with someone's work being good, yeah. Again, I can't covet what I've never known to have lost. Whoever left, I don't think I got a chance to read, but I'm currently drowning in damn good recs.

I have no clue why they left the fandom. And unless you're friends with them, I don't know you are fixated on it. I'm getting the sense that you harbor a lot of resentment or frustration over this.

You say that you want the fandom to prosper, but I personally think it's been nice and peaceful on my end. I came when everything was on fire as I was updating SDP. There was drama everywhere and there is valid criticisms about commenting stuff.

But right now? As a a person here for less than six months? I'm good with what we have so far! Re: last asks and the linked authors.

So we can complain about it, we can move on to other fandoms, or we can find ways to enjoy what we have. There are lots of ways to do that. The fans that are still here can find ways to encourage activity. There's a fandom event going on!! We can comment on the stories we do like to encourage those authors. We can create fan events. We can foster writing/art challenges that center on the kinds of tropes we do love. If you think some of the younger/newer writers need help, then offer to beta read to help them improve.

At the end of the day this fandom is only as good as the work the fans put into it and complaining on tumblr isn't going to accomplish anything for this fandom if you aren't willing to do something to change it. But you said you were a writer? Then, it sounds like you're already doing your best, providing for the fandom.

As for your last paragraph, I think the commenting culture is well known by this point (I was so confused when I first joined the fandom too), luckily the comments on my fic have been lovely, so thank you readers 🥺❤️ I don't know anything about the tropes thing or character popularity thing, I'll admit. Is this regarding specifically the lu_cem*nd fandom? I have no clue what you mean about head-in-the-sand approach.

#author asks #lcmd discourse #im so sry everyone that this so long

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inevitably-johnlocked · 2 years

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what is your fave ever johnlock fandom memory ? 🏳️‍🌈xx

Hey Nonny!

Oh gosh, this is honestly a tough one, since I've been here for a long time and I've honestly had more good times than bad!

Hmm. Offline, I'd have to say going to 221b Con and meeting like-minded people, and spending a whole weekend just indulging in it. I've been to 2 and a half of them (the very first one I went to, our flights got cancelled because of a snowstorm and couldn't go until Saturday). I really miss going to them, but I'm still uncomfortable being in a crowded space after 2 years of NOT being in it, and my flight anxiety is even worse. Plus I don't even want to think about crossing the border at the moment. It makes me sad, and makes me wish there was a Canadian alternative (is the writer's retreat still a thing? I should go to one of those as moral support LOL). A focussed con is so different from a Comic Con, and it was lots of fun. Plus I got to be on a few panels, and met some people I adore from online.

Online, I'd have to say my old Saturday Night Watchalongs. I REALLY miss doing them, and I REALLY just loved spending 6 to 8 hours all Saturday with a bunch of people to just excited about movies and shows together. That fell apart in around 2019 after Rabbit shut its doors. I never found a replacement that worked well for everyone, and one that especially worked well for a host on a MacBook. It was depressing. I've been thinking for a year now of trying to start it back up, but similar to the way Sumatra is run (basically, everyone runs their own film and we're all just in a chat room), but on Discord. Thing is, mine was "successful" because I provided both the movie and the chatspace via Rabbit. I miss it.

Nowadays, I have to say it's the sense of community my blog creates. I love being a Curator of Fandom Things, and just being a Big Sister for folks "coming in late" to the fandom, and I like offering things I enjoy to you guys, and offering my life experiences where relevant. I like being a blog where people – fandom olds and fandom news – can come and feel comfort regardless of ship or whatever fandom they're a part of. I still feel really unmoored these days, though. I have a hard time making and keeping friends 🤷‍♀️

So yeah, that's what I got for ya <3 Hope that helps :)

#steph replies #fandom life #about me #chatting with nonnies #fandom things #my blog

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trashlie · 2 years

Text

ILY FP 181, 182, and 183

Man, I thought I’d at least put together one of these for 181, but I really have not been able to pull myself together for this last month, I guess, ugh. That’s okay, I think - it will keep me from turning this into a recap and maybe allow me to explore my VERY MANY thoughts on this little flashback! And trust that I have SO MANY.

It is no secret that I’ve taken a lot of interest in Alyssa over this last half year or so, so you can imagine how much I’ve been enjoying this flashback arc. While it doesn’t provide us a major look into who Alyssa really is, we’re finally getting more clues to cobble together than we had before, and it definitely is blowing some fandom beliefs out of the water! It also reinforces what I’ve said before - that Alyss and Kousuke are mirrors! In my Alyss and Kousuke As Mirrors post and ask responses, I had a lot of uncertainty as to where I thought this would go, because of how little we knew of who Alyssa truly is and what is part of an act. I think we’re starting to get somewhere with her now! I know she’ll likely never be a very sympathetic character to a lot of people, but my fascination with her has definitely increased and it’s giving me some hopes and wishes of my own!

To preface, I’d like to lay out what the general fandom belief of Alyssa has been. Until now, she’s been regarded as a fame seeker who wants to have everyone’s attention and always craves the spotlight, that she’s spineless and cannot handle confrontation which may be coupled with the fact that she wants to be liked (as in, to save face, she doesn’t defy or contradict others wishes), she doesn’t care about who she hurts to get what she wants, she’s more interested in Kousuke than Nol, and in general she’s been viewed as supremely selfish and self-centered.

There’s some things I agree with, others only to a certain degree, and still others I wasn’t totally sold on. In previous posts, I’ve noted that I believed it possible that Alyssa’s idol career itself may not have been what she truly wanted (although at the time I assumed it might just be a stepping stone towards what she really wanted, a necessary stop in her trajectory to her power-couple goal, to influence and power). At any rate, though, we can see now that a lot of this has been proven incorrect, although certain things have definitely been reinforced.

People Pleasing and Peer Pressure

Something that certainly stands is how very easily influenced by others Alyssa is. This isn’t something I’m going to fault her for, either, because frankly, I know a lot of people who take to their mid-twenties or thirties to feel comfortable and confident in who they are, regardless of what others think. Especially for a middle-schooler with no prior experience with social settings, this is extra hard for Alyssa, who begged her parents to let her attend public school with the dream of making lots of friends and experiencing a “normal” life. Peer pressure is hard and when what you want is to be liked and have a lot of friends, being seen as weird for the things you do like (like math) or hanging out with someone who everyone else regard as weird and potentially a bully doesn’t bode well with what you want. Frankly, it takes a strong spirit to be comfortable in your own skin, to be who you are, and Alyssa doesn’t have the experiences yet to be that person. I think we can also argue that the way her parents treat her hasn’t helped - though well-meaning, they seem to overwhelm Alyssa and limit her ability to actually explore the things she’s interested in. She states that she’s not even good at dance, which is why she’s taking lessons at all, and she’s only in them because she once expressed interest in it - and there’s an implication that it’s not something she even likes or enjoys anymore, and yet she continues.

Is it just that Alyssa lacks the ability to push back and tell her parents when she loses interest in something? Is it that they don’t give her the room to do it? It sounds a lot like they hear she likes something and then drowns her in that thing without ever considering that her interests will change and wane.

We are also given a lot of indication that at this early age, Alyssa just struggled to confront people in any form of it. She can’t stand up for herself to her parents about not wanting to follow certain paths, she can’t tell Shinae the truth about her feelings and seems to be cornered when she finally starts to open up, she can’t push back against people who are picking on her.

At any rate, the point stands that due to the way her parents treat her, smothering her with everything she dares to breathe about, she hasn’t been given the opportunity to find comfort in being who she really is, because they are always a step behind or clinging to something she said in the past that is no longer true. She’s too reluctant to mention anything else she likes because maybe they’ll do the same thing again. She has no room to breathe to explore herself to figure out what she really wants, and the things she does know about herself are considered “weird” by other kids - her disdain for kpop and preference for classical music, her favor for math and science type things, she goes to exhibits for her own keen interest! If the other kids knew, they’d definitely continue to pick on her and call her weird.

And yet that’s exactly what she’s so afraid of. She states she’s seen what happens to kids who are ostracized and that’s the last thing she wants. Alyssa is learning the hard way that not only are kids cruel, but who she wants to be is at odd with who she really is. If she wants to fit in with the other kids, she has to put on a front, feign interest in things she doesn’t care for, squash down her true interests and perform for them. Long before she becomes an idol, Alyssa is already having to perform and learn about conditional favor: people will like you only so long as you fit what they want you to be.

How ironic, that she had such strong disdain for kpop, and yet she had to perform for what she wanted, and ended up in that very career.

I still badly want to know how this happened, because it’s clear that the career Alyssa is in is not what she truly wanted. I’ve seen people argue that maybe she’s here for the stepping stone reasons, or because she changed her mind. But idk, she seems pretty set in her way with her interest there, and it just really reinforces my theory that Alyssa only wound up a kpop idol because she couldn’t speak up against it. It largely seems like something that fell into her lap and her parents jumped at it assuming that Alyssa was on board for it because she’d practically trained for so long. Maybe she felt too guilty about the money they’d put into her lessons - there’s implications that they’ve spent so much money on her that they’re tight on money - maybe it’s just part of her inability to speak up for and defend herself, her inability to say no this isn’t actually what I want.

Maybe it IS just that she reluctantly is following through for the hopes that it will afford her the connections to get out it and go for what she really wants?

Power (for freedom)

Even this little glimpse into Alyssa’s life has given enough to re-examine her previous statement about how she desires to be part of a power couple (and how Kousuke likely might be her intended target). Even though her family seems to be trying to do things for her favor, she still feels trapped and oppressed by them and craves escape. And now she’s in a kpop group that she doesn’t seem to enjoy completely - the fact that in middle school she made a note that being able to write music is far more interesting than being able to play instruments and she was given that opportunity to write a song, and it ends up being about feeling trapped and shackled down, unable to escape speaks volumes. Additionally, we know she spends more time with her sister than her group mates, it’s implied that she doesn’t practice as much/as hard as them and frankly I don’t think this is mean girls being mean. I think it probably IS true that Alyssa doesn’t put as much effort into things because she doesn’t enjoy it she doesn’t want to be here and who can blame her group mates? They DID train hard for this, they DO want this. Of course they’ll be upset by the way she acts!

Unlike them, Alyssa doesn’t want to be part of this career, and if her case is anything like Shinae’s, she feels trapped by Yui. What happens if Alyssa denies this opportunity? What has her family gained from Alyssa’s career/connections? I think there’s a good chance there’s a lot more on the line than we know about, and thus Alyssa has to continue to fake it to make it. So, who is surprised she wishes to be part of a power couple? It seems less about wanting to be influential, to have people look up to her and more about wanting to be in a position to feel in control of her life, to be free to do what she wants.

Consider this: Yui is a powerful woman with a powerful family name and more importantly, she is very much in control of herself, she takes no direction or control from others, she has shadow puppets (possibly including Alyssa herself). I think Alyssa is aware of what kind of person Yui really is - a widely-held fandom belief about Alyssa is that she wants to be the kind of person Yui is, right down to the scheming manipulation. But when Alyssa calls Yui a charitable woman and says she wants to be like her, her eyes are closed. They remain closed as Alyssa remarks how nice it is of her to give Shinae a job. I think Alyssa sees through this, because it’s the same situation she’s in, and she above all probably knows what a trap it is. If Alyssa feels stuck in a career she can’t escape, “gifted” to her by Yui, then she has an understanding of what it means for Shinae. I used to think maybe Alyssa said it because she understood the implications - that she, too, had been handed her career like Shinae, but if Alyssa has no love or pride in her career, then it’s less that she cares about what others will think of her being handed a career and maybe more about concern for Shinae, and what it means for her to also be entangled with Yui.

Despite this, though, Yui possesses qualities that Alyssa clearly covets - starting with the fact that someone like Yui wouldn’t be ensnared in traps like Alyssa currently is, the fact that no one controls her or dictates her moves.

And this brings us to Kousuke! From the outside, Kousuke lives this way, too. He looks to all outsiders like he’s completely in control of his life, on a path of his choosing that he was meant for, he’s successful, influential, rich, and in control. Like Yui, he looks like he is free to move where and how he wants, so it’s not a surprise that Alyssa is drawn to him. But more than that, we now know that Alyssa and Kousuke are far more alike than we had considered before! I used to think that Alyssa was drawn to Kousuke because she saw in him all the things she wants for herself, and while I do still think that’s true, it clearly isn’t the totality of it! I wonder how well she knows him - does she know they both favor the same kind of music? Kousuke is regarded as a bit of a genius, years ahead of kids his age in school, quick to pick up new things. Since she was 3, by the time she was in middle school, Alyssa had learned to play FIVE different instruments and wound up writing her own song pretty early in her musical career. And it’s not even a left vs right brain thing, because she’s also good at math and fascinated by science, especially anatomy, with a previous dream of being a biomedical engineer. Much like Kousuke, we can see that Alyssa isn’t really into things kids her age are. Does she know how similar they are? Does she just sense it? Kousuke clearly doesn’t see this in her yet (I think) but I wonder if with enough time, they could come to see this? She’s easily written off by others as being vapid and maybe even ditzy, with little going on in her head, but that’s clearly not the case.

Notably, too, where Alyssa learned to play all five instruments, Meg only learned a couple and stopped her lessons. We are further given a sense that there’s a “golden child” vs “the other one” with Alyssa and Meg. Was Meg allowed to give up because she wasn’t as gifted as Alyssa, not worth the money it would take to teach her? Is the focus just heavily placed on Alyssa so Meg is given the freedom that Alyssa badly wants for herself?

And so, in search of that escape, seeking a sense of normalcy and the ability to breathe and explore what she wants, Alyssa finds herself in public school, befriended by a boisterous Shinae.

Shinae from hope to self-isolation

This is a very Alyssa-heavy post, I know, but I do want to dedicate some time to Shinae, too, because the Shinae we see in the flashback is SUCH a contrast to the Shinae we first meet at the start of the series, which reinforces just how much of an impact this experience had on Shinae. Alyssa’s betrayal affected her so deeply it left her with not only physical but also mental and emotional scars, so deep that when Nol later betrays her and walks away, this bubbles back to the surface - an experience for which she blamed herself and repressed, shoved so deep down that she never recovered from it. Had she made peace, it wouldn’t have come bubbling to the surface when Nol acknowledged the very scar she hides.

Alyssa was so important to Shinae, despite their brief stint in friendship. She was Shinae’s first friend, someone who she found so cool and fascinating and she fought hard for that friendship, too. Both girls know that Shinae is putting more into this friendship than Alyssa is, and I think Alyssa shows some guilt over it. She’s never quite able to address her issues to Shinae and though we know she’s trying to pull away and distance herself, she never succeeds when Shinae calls her out on it and corners her. Shinae has spent much of her childhood picked on and bullied, not even defended by the school, and it gets so bad that she has to transfer schools! You can’t blame her for being a little desperate to keep that first friend, so afraid of losing out something she’s always craved.

There’s a lot about young Shinae that really hurts my heart, to be honest, especially compared to her current self. Her admission that despite the barriers she put up, despite all the ways she isolated herself for her own protection and chose loneliness over the risk of getting hurt again, she carried some hope that people would prove her wrong, that she would find the friendship and acceptance she actually craved HURTS - especially when you know that because of that quiet hope, she let down her walls for Nol who she thought had proved he wasn’t the threat she worried, only to learn that so much of him was a lie, that maybe that friendship never meant anything.

The Nol vs Alyssa parallel is SO intentional and BOY does it hurt! Also, I know I’ve talked about the irony that Shinae has been hurt by these two people who are dating, but it just feels even more intense in light of everything. Shinae put so much hope in Alyssa despite all the signs she should have listened to, she hoped so much and fought so hard to help Alyssa learn to ignore the feeling of being picked on, and in the end, she failed. Alyssa meant so much to her and as far as Shinae was concerned, she didn’t mean the same to Alyssa. If she did, wouldn’t Alyssa have chosen her over popularity? Wouldn’t she have stuck with her? If she meant so much to her, would she have treated her the way she did, ostracized her in effort to save herself from that very fate? For Shinae, Nol’s betrayal hurts so much not because of the lies but because it runs parallel to the last significant betrayal she experienced. Once again, she made someone so important to her, only to feel like she wasn’t.

It’s not about the lies or that he gave her a fake name: it’s because she believed it didn’t mean to him what it did to her, that she foolishly fell for someone who didn’t care about her the way she did him.

And that’s what is SO significant, too, about Shinae’s willingness to accept Nol, how desperately she wanted him to answer her calls or messages, to come back and show his face. If it was about the lies and betrayal, it might be harder for her to accept that friendship - but despite that, she ardently hoped he would prove her wrong, because she needed to know that it meant something to Nol, that her friendship was not so easy to cast aside, that she mattered. And that’s why she’s able to accept him back, albeit with anger. To know that she is important to him, that even though he began those friendships with no intention of them being real only for them to end up meaning so much to him makes up for the lies.

Popularity vs Individualism

The thing is, I think Shinae may have meant something to Alyssa, but she was just at odds with what she wanted. Numerous times, we see Alyssa get very flustered over the sincere, earnest way Shinae praises her, the way she sees her as this really cool person for traits that the other kids treat as weird, things she knows she would get made fun of for. She downplays her skills and intelligence, not even in a coy or demure way but like... Alyssa really doesn’t seem to think there’s anything special about being able to learn to play instruments or anything like that. She’s quickly learning what she needs to hide about herself in order to fit in, but outlier Shinae finds these things about her so admirable and cool. In fact, Alyssa is so sure that Shinae had lots of friends before because she’s so tough and confident and courageous and brushes off all the teasing that comes her way - but she only seems that way because she’s been there before, because she’s endured it before but NOW she finally has a friend. It’s easier to deal with that if she has a friend to have fun with.

That whole admission is so painful, for Shinae to confess that duh, of course she also wishes she could experience what it’s like to be liked by so many people instead of treated like a weirdo, picked up and bullied simply for existing. But she doesn’t know. That’s why Alyssa means so much and is so important to her. That’s why even though she knows Alyssa is trying to pull away, she keeps trying to reign her in closer, asking her to be her project partner even when she can see Alyssa looking away, calling her out on her she’s growing quieter and quieter and less involved in this friendship. Shinae is determined to keep this special friend.

But the other kids think Shinae is weird, and Alyssa knows this. In fact, the flashback where Maya overhead the girls calling Shinae weird is probably a big turning point for Alyssa. Based on the two flashbacks, that’s probably the day that Alyssa misses lunch with Shinae, and we can sense a big change in Alyssa. She’s been told that public school sucks unless you’re popular, she’s told that people think Shinae is weird and even that she looks weird, and though they don’t really tease her about it there’s definitely a dig about how Alyssa uses intelligent words the other kids do and that it seems weird to be so studious and well-learned. Again, Alyssa is learning that she has to bury who she really is to fit in, and while she seems to like Shinae, she also is learning that to stay friends with her will very likely lead to her own bullying. Alyssa never even though Shinae’s hair was weird until the other girls said anything! There’s so many things she accepts for what they are, until she realizes that others think they’re weird. I think we can agree that she’s shaped by what others think, but I think it’s a little more like... it’s not necessarily that it’s changing her opinion of things as much as she’s just learning what is and isn’t considered acceptable and she’s trying to align herself with the acceptable.

Everything is a parallel

It begins her rift with Alyssa, though. Through Maya’s flashback, we know something will go down with Alyssa and Shinae’s science project - there’s a flashback where she’s being accused of copying someone else’s project and Shinae pointed says she did all the work, it’s her project and never once mentions Alyssa about it. Following that, Minhyuk asks if Shinae hangs out with Alyssa anymore and she notes that no, they don’t hang out as much as they used to, because now Alyssa has lots of friends. Alyssa has been influenced and she makes her choice - she decides to fit in, to shrink herself into something the other kids will like, to start playing a role.

And yet, before she was influenced by other peoples’ opinions, Alyssa really did seem to like Shinae. She had fun with her in math club and she seemed really touched by Shinae’s sincere compliments and earnest friendship. But she also knew that she was making a different decision, that Shinae was giving more to their friendship than she was.

When Shinae smiles that blinding bright, very Yeonggi-like smile, Alyssa’s face screws up and she blushes - but I think it represents guilt and remorse, not anything positive. She feels bad Shinae cares so much and she herself cares more about popularity than this friendship. She knows the choices she’s making, that she’s pulling away, and she feels so guilty she has to physically escape.

In a very similar way that Kousuke seems to see Nol in Shinae, Alyssa seems to see Shinae in Nol. That bright smile she puts on is SO very like the kind Yeonggi would wear, so it’s only natural that in the aftermath of all that went down, when Alyssa was back to being lonely and friendless, when Yeonggi offered her his friendship and that bright, earnest smile, Alyssa would accept this weird stranger’s friendship, because it reminded her of another person who candidly offered her such sincere, earnest friendship when she needed it. And, likewise, when Alyssa is aware that she’s hurting that person, she finds herself pulling away and withdrawing.

For a long time I couldn’t tell if Alyssa really understood how much she was hurting Nol, if she simply took his friendship for granted. I think she definitely carries guilt that she refuses to acknowledge, which is why she deflects and throws things back at him when he calls her out. But I also think she knows that she’s being a bad friend, a bad girlfriend, and that’s why she avoids him, the way she avoided Alyssa. (Shoutout to DATBOYWHOISCHILL on reddit for calling out that parallel of avoidance). The way he reaches out over and over, just like Shinae trying to reign her back in, UGH the way Nol and Shinae are SO VERY SIMILAR and yet unaware of it just KILLS ME. It was even pointed out the way they both defend her and aren’t really met with gratitude - although I guess it’s worth noting that by the time Nol is doing this for Alyssa, her image is on the line and she’s already aware of the conditional relationship she has with her fans, the image she has to maintain if she doesn’t want to be ostracized and cast out.

Honestly, all of this makes me even more certain that Alyssa needs to experience a fall from grace in order to learn to be herself and to escape the people-pleasing quest of acceptance. Only when she loses everything - her career, her fans, her image - will she be able to face who she really is and who she really wants to be, to come to terms with being okay being alone, and maybe find her voice to push back against what she doesn’t want. And I still think it could possibly lead to some kind of reconciliation. While I’m not sure if Shinae and Alyssa could ever be friends - there’s so much hurt and anger there yet - I think they could at least make peace with their past and resolve their issues in a way that helps Shinae move on. An Alyssa who, like Shinae once had, has lost so much and hit rock bottom and has to go through the hardest and darkest times would probably be better able to understand what she couldn’t in sixth grade, how Shinae was able to endure the ridicule because she had a friend at her side. I think it would lead to Alyssa being able to accept herself for who she really is, and not the performance she puts on for other people.

Frankly, I feel like while Alyssa is a people-pleaser who seeks out popularity, what she really want is the kind of friendship Shinae offered. She’s chasing after something she won’t receive. Fans don’t unconditionally love their idol - they will only love her if she performs for them, and that means the person she presents herself as, too. Who will love Alyssa for who she really is, for her nerdy side and her love of classical music, for finding math fun, for her interest in anatomy. Who will love her for all the things that made her so “weird”? She continues to put on a front for people who “love” a version of her she’s created for their consumption, chasing down the sincerity and earnest approval she received from a maybe-weird outcast who saw her for who she really was and still thought she was cool and interesting.

Trauma and Healing

But to segue back to Shinae, I think these episodes have shined a lot of light on who she used to be, as well, and we can still see glimmers of that Shinae today. I keep thinking about that smile she wore for Alyssa, and how she said that she hated Yeonggi’s smile because she was unable to smile like that herself. She went from being able to wear that smile to finally defeated, scarred deeply by Alyssa’s choices and the fall that followed. Physical ramifications of trusting someone too much, of giving someone too much of a chance. In her eyes, she was punished for daring to think she could have friendship like that.

In fact, even though Minhyuk fills that void and becomes the kind of best friend Shinae needed, we know that years later she still has enough seeds of doubt to wonder if Minhyuk was only her friend out of pity because it’s so unfathomable for her to think that anyone can truly be her friend because they like her for who she is, and it takes reaffirmation for her to accept that it’s true.

That’s what makes this current arc SO special, in my opinion. This is a Shinae who still carries trauma with her, who is still so greatly affected by a literally traumatic fall, and in spite of that, she still finds herself wanting to find the best in people, craving the friendship she dares not believe she deserves. Despite it all, she held out a hope that she didn’t necessarily believe in, that Nol would find his way back to them not just for closure but to maintain that friendship. I think that much is obvious by the way she addresses him when he finally joins her on the rooftop - she’s cagey and uncomfortable having exposed so much of her vulnerable self to him because she thought they were ending things, not that he might decide to go back on his word, and she was so unprepared to face that. And still she tries to! Though he has to corner her to get her to, she admits that yes of COURSE she wanted him to hear all of that, to see him again.

In spite of all the ways Shinae has been hurt by people - by her mother, by her sister, her first friend, by Maya and Rika, by students who knew nothing about her but bullied her anyway, by the adults who never did their job and intervened or looked out for her - she still wants to find people who prove her wrong. I think this is even true for her relationship with Kousuke, who she has noted she thinks isn’t so bad as much as he just has lived a different life and is kind of misguided. I continue to think this is why Shinae will serve as a bridge between Nol and Kousuke, too - because she is likely to be the person to see the best in each of them, to bring out the best in them, and help them to see it in each other, too.

For as much as she’s told herself she doesn’t like people, that they will only let you down, for as much as she tried to isolate herself from others to prevent that kind of hurt ever happening again, she can’t resist but to want to let people in, because even though she believes the universe is punishing her simply for existing, I think she is learning that it’s not enough to simply bow your head and accept it. Things don’t ever change when you do that, and though she’s also experienced that sometimes things don’t change when you try to fight back, maybe it’s different when you have others by your side?

Again, I think Shinae’s entire experience with Alyssa has only reinforced her friendship with Nol, should they both decide to continue this friendship - which I think is what is being established. If Nol wanted to still run away, he would have used his opportunity. He states that his being there is for him - because it’s his last night and he wants to make things right, to make things up to the people he’s hurt. It’s for him because he wants to be where he really wants to be for once, and to atone for what he has done not for his karmic retribution or absolution, but because that is what friends do. The whole conversation that follows where he holds Shinae in place is not because he is finalizing their goodbye but to call her out and square things away. If they are starting this again, they need to do it on the same page.

Where Shinae gave too much of herself to Alyssa and to Yeonggi, maybe this time she and Nol will be equals, partners for real, and with this deeper understanding of each other, what their past has done to hurt them and twist their feelings, it is likely for them to form an even stronger bond and alliance.

UGH I have so MANY feelings and I feel like I’ve still missed so many points I’d like to make, but I think I’ve at least addressed a good bulk of them. I know there are people who aren’t enjoying this because they’d rather see Shinae and Nol talking, but this flashback is such a necessary piece of storytelling. It’s clueing us in more on who Alyssa is and what her motivations are, it’s really emphasized just how much of a toll this experience took on Shinae and comparing it to Nol demonstrates just how much it means for her to still reach for him. The perspective it’s given us is, I think, crucial to the friendship that Nol and Shinae are setting and helps us better to appreciate it as something beautiful in spite of the ugly they’ve endured, and what they mean to each other.

I think there are some readers who forget that what has happened to Nol, Shinae, Kousuke, and Alyssa in the past is absolutely a part of who they are now and what their paths currently are. Without examining all those scenes, we’re missing pieces in our puzzle and we can’t move on to their adult selves without exploring all of this. And considering this is a very character-driven story focused on exploring human traumas and the way it affects us, I, for one, am absolutely over the moon with this. I appreciate the rekindling of Shinae and Nol’s friendship even more knowing just how much Alyssa’s failed friendship hurt Shinae. Give me all the emotional baggage, thank you!

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #ILY FP #ILY Spoilers #Alyssa Cho #Shinae Yoo #this is largely about these two #admittedly it's very Alyssa-centric but I promise I get to Shinae throughout this too!#i'm forever fascinated by the way Alyssa and Shinae continue to parallel each other but more than that i am fascinated by how much their #intersection has affected them and the people around them #you could argue that as much as Alyssa has affected how Shinae responded to people and potential friendships Shinae has affected even how #Alyssa treats Nol which is just incredible to me and something i really didn't anticipate #i talk a lot about how i think Alyssa may never have gotten over what happened with Shinae too and how this might be something that affects #her to this day but god being able to see the core of who she is now back then is wild. and also sad #gonna character tag for nol too since i address him here #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Yeonggi #because there's some Yeonggi specific bases too lol #i'm gonna end up making relationship tags soon i swear #rs: a few good friends are more than enough #afkjafjkafkjaf lmao idk if i'll use that but i love the idea of it #because i just know that we'll be seeing a lot more of the alyssa shinae impact in time #anyway aAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH #i hope alyssa kousuke anon is out there and sees this cos man i am vibrating #i'll probably work on a follow up for that alyssa and kousuke as mirrors post in time too tho it may be better to wait for more eps #IDK we'll see #this post is a best i am sorry

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misophoniatimestamps · 2 years

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New Blog!

Hi all! My name is Rhyan, I use they/them pronouns, and this is Misophonia Timestamps: a sideblog where I seek to provide timestamps for a variety of tv shows, movies, and other media content for any sounds that may be triggering to someone with misophonia or other sound/noise sensitivities (such as autistic or otherwise neurodivergent people).

Content I hope to provide warnings for are the following:

What We Do In The Shadows

Our Flag Means Death

Supernatural

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

The Good Place

The IT Crowd

and much more.

I can't promise when I will get around to it, but those are my goals. As I watch the new season of WWDITS, that's the first thing I plan to release warnings for and then go back and check for more.

If there is a TV show or movie you'd be interested in me checking out for you, feel free to send it my way! I can't promise I will, but I will certainly consider it, especially if you would like me to vet for just one episode or so.

Please feel free to send in your own submissions as well! If you would like to send me timestamps for your favorite shows or movies, it would be greatly appreciated.

I do not personally identify as someone with misophonia, just as someone who is autistic and can get sensory overload from certain sounds. I know misophonia typically involves the aversion to chewing sounds, which I am fortunate enough to not have to deal with. This makes it easier for me to go back in media and listen for it though and I want to use my ability to help those who would be harmed by those sounds.

My best friend, however, does have misophonia and it's made me a lot more aware of the condition. We watch a lot of these shows together and I want her to have a fun, enjoyable experience when watching stuff where she doesn't have to suffer through sounds that cause her pain. So this blog is largely inspired by my love for her.

Additionally, this was inspired by another blog, @criticalmisophonia. When I seen their blog I knew I wanted to do something similar with my special interests so that anyone with misophonia or other sound sensitivities could enjoy them as much as I do! They cover timestamps for critical role, so if that's something you're interested in, please feel free to check out their blog.

Well that's all for now! Please feel free to send an ask if you have any questions or suggestions. Feel free to check out my main account @colinthrobinson for more general fandom & assorted content. Have a lovely day!!!

#misophonia #misophonia warnings #actually misophonic #actually autistic #actually neurodivergent #wwdits #spn #ofmd #cxg #tgp #pinned post

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rainbowsky · 2 years

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Hi! I was wondering if you know of any discords/groupchats for bxgs? For people like me who don’t post or hold bjyx accounts, I feel like it’s really difficult to really get into the fandom and find fellow turtles to talk to. We all get excited when we find candies or want to rant about a particular behind the scenes moment etc and i feel like something like a discord would really bring people together and create a community of people to talk to each other.

I was wondering if you know of anything like that? Or would you be willing to create something like that where the fandom could join?

Sorry if this sounds rude or presumptuous or anything, I was just wondering. Thanks!

Hi Anon,

There's no harm in asking an honest question, so no worries. 😊

I’m afraid I’m going to disappoint you, though...

I can't in good conscience recommend Discord. I don't think there's ever been a more appropriately named platform. If you and others enjoy it, please continue to, but it's just not my cup of tea.

Discord (like Twitter) is a platform that thrives on speed and immediacy, not accuracy or analysis, so platforms like that have a tendency to reward, push and perpetuate misleading and inaccurate information. Once an incorrect idea catches fire on a platform like that, it's impossible to correct it.

Those platforms stick to short, quick little bites, when my preference is for slower, deeper analysis and discussion.

These fast-paced platforms also often thrive on friction as a catalyst for more intense, more passionate (and more adversarial), engagement. In my experience, which I recognize isn't data but is just my own personal situation, Discord servers often become very toxic and gossipy, and are often used as HQ for harassing people on other platforms (in fact, I suspect some of the worst toxic solos organize there). I've been a member of many Discord groups over the years, mostly gaming related but also on other topics, and unless they are exceptionally well managed and heavily moderated (which only generally happens with the very large groups), they can become vectors of hate.

As I've said in the past, the nature of these platforms makes it more difficult to curate at times (especially Discord), and makes it much more likely that people will be exposed to aspects of the fandom that clash with their own views and values. It can also tend to exaggerate elements of the fandom that thrive in those types of environments. This can lead to conflict, and to people getting a distorted perspective on what the fandom is about and where most fans are coming from.

It’s usually pretty chaotic and fast-paced, and can feel like drinking through a firehose. I often find that type of setting overwhelming.

This is just my take on things. I recognize it's not my type of platform and it doesn't accommodate or encourage the kind of engagement with fandom that I enjoy, so my perspective is entirely subjective based on that.

No judgment to those who enjoy it. I have some good friends who spend a lot of time on BXG Discord.

If you are looking for more people to talk to I can understand your desire to find a chat server. I don't have any to recommend.

But I will say, don't be afraid to engage with people here, either. People do have great connections and conversations here on Tumblr, whether in the comments of posts, via reblogs or through private messaging. I've made some great friends here just using the tools that Tumblr provides, and I'm not a naturally 'ultra social' person.

Sorry I couldn't be of more help.

#bxg perspectives #fandom reflections #ask

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crimeloyalty-arch · 2 years

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knowing your partner well can make writing a lot easier / repost, don’t reblog!! stolen from @batfall. tagging lits whoever!!

name: octavia. pronouns: she/her. preference of communication: if we aren’t talking/plotting regularly, tumblr ims are great. if we are plotting more often (or sending longer/more frequent messages) then i prefer to switch to discord just so messages don’t get lost. i do purge my discord fairly often & delete everyone i haven’t talked to in a few months or if i can’t associate a handle with a blog -- not personal and happy to re-add if we start to talk again! i also tend to talk about harley more than i do myself!!

name of muse: harleen frances quinzel / harley quinn.

experience: ahhh i’ve been rping in general since 2009 or 2010 -- been rping on tumblr since 2012. hate that for me!

rp pet peeves & dealbreakers:

consistent negativity ---- everyone can post what they want on their own blog ofc!!! but i just find that when i read a bunch of negative takes it absolutely kills my ability to enjoy a fandom. i’d rather spend my energy loving stuff than hating it -- i think that’s a much healthier mentality for me; if i focus on negatives/criticism it really affects my mood, so i try to keep a clean dash in this regard. this also goes for elitism.

fandom/tumblr discourse ---- same as above. i’m 24 - i don’t find that i need this website to inform my opinions anymore. i’ve got a pretty good handle on educating myself about current events without tumblr’s help, and i think this website often does more harm than good, despite being well-meaning. a lot of inconsistent ideologies & bandwagoning here that i just can’t get on board with. here just to write & have fun!

fluff, angst, or smut: angst!!! i love writing angst because it lends itself so well to an actual plot. i have a hard time finding enough substance in fluff threads to keep them going, so i tend to keep fluff to memes ( i don’t mind if my partner writes a reply, but would prefer not to turn it into a full blown thread. ) i don’t rlly write smut so i won’t do stand-alone smut threads but i don’t mind writing non-explicit sex into threads when it’s necessary for the plot.

plots or memes: both!! i prefer plotting a little bit and then throwing some memes out there once we have a dynamic established. i also love memes because they provide a little bit more direction than starters. i’ve had a really had time with memes on past muses, but harley’s so down for whatever that it makes it really easy to write them for her. please always feel free to send me memes -- i don’t ever stop accepting them & love getting random ones!

long or short replies: long !!! i don’t mind short threads, especially for silly things without a lot of substance, but i have a really hard time writing concisely so i need a little more space to do that for anything heavier.

best time to write: tbh i write a lot during the day and then like 11pm-1am. basically right before bed or when i’m procrastinating something else.

are you like your muse?: 😳 pleading the fifth 😳

#⸻ to live for the hope of it all — ooc.

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tombpigeon · 2 months

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Something important

I want to speak my truth while talking about what I believe is a very important topic. I know I don't have many followers and not many people will see this but if I'm ever successful with my future content creation then there's a chance it could help someone. I'm also using this account to get this information off my chest. I've felt a kind of confidence seeing others speak about the things they've gone through. I've been lucky that those who hurt me weren't content creators so I don't have the horror of seeing their face all over social media.

One person I'll never see again as our paths have long since split and the other I never saw the face of so I wouldn't know him if I saw him. I suppose I'll tell my story first and then get to the message. I'm going to talk about two specific experiences I've had although I have experienced other traumatising things. These two instances have affected me the most. When I was 11 years old I created an account on an art website called DeviantArt, I loved to draw as a child and wanted to share my work with others especially others who enjoyed the same fandoms as me. I posted a lot of Eddsworld because Edd Gould has been one of my biggest inspirations in terms of art and animation. I made some good friends on this account including someone I've known for 10 years now. However, I was a naive child that didn't understand a lot of things.

A much older man began talking to me on this site. I'm not sure how these interactions started exactly but my own detective work tells me that he would've definitely been in his 20s at the time of the interactions. Bear in mind here that I was 11 and despite lying to DeviantArt to make an account I was very upfront about my real age in my posts and had posted selfies where I was visibly a young child. If my art and grammar didn't give me away then my own words and actual face definitely did. I didn't realise the true nature of this man's conversations until many years later (after the second instance that I will talk about) and the pain of unlocking that memory and realising what had been done to me still affects me even now. He didn't groom me in a way that could've in anyway registered as wrong in my young mind. He didn't say inappropriate words or talk about genitals. This fully grown man tricked 11 year old me into feeding his fetish. A fetish that very very few preteens would have any knowledge of. His reactions to the content I unknowingly provided him could only be read as perverted by an adult that knew what they were looking at. It was sneaky and there's no doubt in my mind he knew what he was doing.

I posted this content thinking it was silly fun stuff with my new friend. I was feeding the fetish of a grown man without even knowing I was doing it. When I discovered this while looking back at this old profile for nostalgia purposes, I desperately deleted these photos. I don't know if he ever saved them but I have reason to believe he did. I know that he knew what he was doing was wrong and you know how I know that? I wasn't the only person he contacted to feed this fetish but from analysing his profile it seems he only ever reposted the content that adults made for him. He never reposted or openly spoke about our interactions. He knew. I would love to out this man for what he is but the profile is long dead with no real name to identify him. My attempts would either be met with silence or cause me problems I quite frankly do not need right now. My second experience is one that has affected my relationships and ability to feel sexual attraction from the day it happened. While a lot of people on the ace spectrum are born that way some of us have very trauma based identities. I identify as demisexual but I didn't always feel that way. Before this second incident I was your average horny teen that looked at inappropriate content when my parents weren't looking. Now I feel no sexual attraction until a connection is made with someone (not by choice it simply just does not exist). I wish I could have casual sex and enjoy it but even friends with benefits leaves a hole in my heart. When I was 15-16 (I'm foggy on the year as I went through a lot after) I was pressured into sexual acts by someone I considered a close friend.

It was during the summer before our last year of highschool(we finish highschool at 16 in the UK) and I excitedly made plans to hang out with this close friend at their house. I wore a turtleneck, loose fitting jeans and my usual dirty trainers. At the time I identified as a girl because I was still coming to terms with my own identity and battling internalised transphobia. When I got to their house I immediately felt like something was off but I've always been anxious and socially inept so I just dismissed these feelings. It was just us and their cats as neither their parents or sibling were present. These cats I knew to be very reactive and I had actually been badly scratched by one of them before so I was naturally a bit on edge with them. We watched an episode of a show they liked sat in armchairs on the opposite side of the room. When we finished the episode the next one began to play and they suddenly paused it and said my name. I turned to look at them and felt a sudden discomfort at the way they were looking at me. They asked me if I wanted to be friends with benefits. I had never done anything sexual with anyone before, I was unsure and I hesitated. Their eyes changed to a more menacing look, subtle but enough that even as an autistic person I picked up on it. I stuttered trying to find the words and they started to shift out of their seat. I knew this person could easily hurt me, they'd jokingly done so in the past twisting my arm behind my back and pinning me. I knew this person reacted harshly to things and had hit classmates and other friends. I was afraid and I don't think I made much of an effort to hide it.

I mumbled something along the lines of sure and they stood up fully (being much taller than me especially as I was still sat down) and with a smile that one could easily see on a snake before it lunges at you asked "Are you sure?" I hesitated again and that change happened again but more obvious. A slight tilt to the head, a twitch of their mouth, that glint in their eyes. I nodded and they quietly led me up to their room and as we reached it they shuffled around so that they were now in the doorway. I'll stop here as I don't want to go into detail about exactly what they did and made me do. They grimaced and sneered at my naked body the entire time and when it was over they frantically washed their hands and told me "Thanks I definitely know I'm gay now". I checked my phone and found a missed call from my mum, she picked me up and I didn't tell her anything. I got in the shower as soon as we got home and threw up curled up in a ball sobbing. I spoke to friends about it but it's never left me. When confronted after they claimed it was accidental and apologised but I'm unsure how to feel about that. I've been mentally unwell ever since that day and I don't know if I'll ever feel better especially because bad things have continued to happen.

I wanted to post this into the void of my social medias to encourage people to talk about these awful things to someone they know so that it doesn't eat away at them like it has done me and many others. To anybody under 18 who may come across this post, please do not trust every adult you interact with online. There are a lot of bad people who use the internet as their get out of jail free card. Please be safe and I hope that all survivors find the strength to talk about what happened to them.

Thank you.

#sa survivor #vent post

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