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#i wake up and i say to myself in the mirror that im not gonna get rabies

explodingstar · 2 days

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Simon’s Caretaker

Warnings: talk of alcohol and drinking. Pairings: Some of TF141 x reader

“Oh come on darling, come hang out with us!”

You look at the two big military men sitting on the couch in front of you. “I don’t like going to bars Simon, you know this.” You look at him and he basically has his puppy dog eyes begging you to come with him. “Oh one time won’t hurt. Right Johnny?” “Right!” Johnny says looking up at you from the couch. “I said no now go have a boys night and call me if you need anything.” You smile at them as they get up from the couch. “Bye!” They both say goodbye back in unison and walk out the front door.

You head to bed and put your phones volume all the way up just incase you get a call from them while they are out. A couple hours go by and you wake up to multiple dings from your phone. “What the fuck?” You turn on your phone to see you were invited to a mass group text between you and all the guys on the task force. You start reading the messages and then you get a call from Johnny. “Hello?” “Hey bestieee!” Johnny slurs over the phone. “Hey look you have to come pick us up things got a little bit wilddd and Price and Gaz joined us and now Simons throwing up cause he drank too much and none of us can drive safely right now sooo you have to come get us” He says over the phone trying to use his charm so you say yes.

“Dammit Johnny. What bar are yall at?” You say rubbing your eyes while trying to find a pair of shoes to throw on. “Oh you know the usual. Simon im on the phone with Y/N!” “Okay ill be there give me like 15-20 minutes.” You grab your keys and head out of the house. “Okay thank youuu!” He hangs up the phone and you put yours down and start driving over to the bar. You get there in like 15 minutes and everyones outside. Johnny and Price are kind of holding up Simon to lead him into the back seat of the car. They get him in and sit on both sides of him. Gaz gets in the pssenger seat and you start the car back up.

“Simon you okay?” You ask looking back in your review mirror. He gives you a thumbs up and you look back at Johnny and roll your eyes.

“Thank you for coming to the rescue again Y/N. Johnny says. “No problem guys.”

You take Price and Gaz home and start driving back to the house you share with Simon. “Johnny do you mind staying the night so you can help me get him into bed” You laugh looking back in the review mirror and seeing Simon curled up in the backseat asleep. “Yeah I dont mind” Johnny looks at you and laughs. Yall get back to the house and open up the car door.

“Comeon big man” Johnny says as he tries to pull Simon out of the car by his arm. Simon wakes up and stumbles out of the car. “Heyyy loveee” Simon looks at you and smirks. You smile and unlock the door while Johnny is basically carrying Simon at this point. Everyone heads inside and you lead Simon to the bed and help him lay down. “Thank you Johnny for helping I would not have been able to do that myself how much did yall drink anyways?” “Only likeeee a beer n a half” Simon slurs. Johnny bursts out laughing “maybe like a bottle and a half for you alone!”

“Seems about right.” You laugh and go into the kitchen to get a glass of water and a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich for simon. “Johnny feel free to eat whatever you want im gonna go lay down and try to make him eat this.” You walk back into the bedroom and hand Simon the sandwhich and glass of water. “Here eat” He takes a couple sips of water and a couple bites of the sandwhich before handing both back to you and passing out for the night. “And this is why I dont like going to bars” you fijish the rest of the sandwhich but put the water on the nightstand along with some medicine for his hangover in the morning. You lay down and wrap your arms around him before going to sleep yourself.

A/N: I have no internet right now so Ive been bored outta my mind just writing away. (I skimmed over this at like 5am so if there is any errors im sorry lol)

#cod #cod fanfic #cod mw3 #cod x reader #call of duty #cod modern warfare #ghost cod #simon riley x reader #cod fic

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ilypaigebuckets · 11 days

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Dating Kate Martin Headcannons!

little head cannon post bc i have so little written for kate! sorry i haven’t been active ive just been so busy but im otw to the lizzy mcalpine concert sorry just doxxed myself maybe?? idk but yay so fun but yeah im not busy after tn like no plans whatsoever 🥳

- kate definitely fell first

- i don’t think she’d be like ACTIVELY looking for a partner i think she just saw you and was like “yep i want that one” but was too scared to actually pursue you

- caitlin definitely had to hype her up to ask you out on a first date

- your guys’ first date is definitely something cozy and personable like a little coffee shop or cafe. even though it’s simple, kate would be so nervous. you guys spend the time together getting to know each other and for your second date you invite her over to your apartment that evening to watch a movie and have dinner

- she definitely kisses you on the second date bc she’s such a uhaul and already knows you’re gonna be special to her

- her love languages are definitely physical touch and quality time, and words of affirmation too!!

- she loves having full on cuddle sessions with you in the mornings, before bed, even in the middle of the afternoon when you guys have a spare moment to kill. she’s the self proclaimed queen of cuddles and always tries to scoop you up into her lap whenever she gets the chance.

- kate always wants to be touching you, no matter where you are. even in public, she’ll be hugging you from behind or holding your hand. her teammates have definitely had to tell her to cool it with the pda once or twice because she’s so enticed by you she totally forgets about everyone else around you two.

- kate’s always making time for you. even if you guys are just studying for your classes in silence or she meets up with you to walk you to your lecture, she enjoys it because it’s with you.

- she wants you to come to all of her games. one time you missed one of her away games due to a family get together and she was really upset by it. she wasn’t mad at you or anything, but she was definitely pouting about how much she missed you.

- kate is such a sweetheart to you. if you’re feeling down about yourself, best believe she will be able to tell!! she writes sweet sayings and positive affirmations on little sticky notes and puts them up on your refrigerator and bathroom mirror for you to look at.

- she loves taking care of you, to her you’re her little baby. if you’ve had a tough week, she’ll lay down with you to take a nap and after you fall asleep she’ll get up and tidy your room up a bit. you wake up feeling so grateful for her but she assures you that she’s just a neat freak and it was her pleasure to

- she’s a super patient, and i think she’d definitely find that attractive in you so i don’t think you guys would have too many fights.

- most of your fights are probably driven by jealousy on either side. kate loves you so much and she sometimes gets paranoid your eyes will wander somewhere else. you love kate just as much, and all of the fans writing flirty comments to her definitely makes you insecure from time to time.

- when you fight, you and kate never yell at each other. you’re more passionate, while she’s more calm and collected so you might shed a few tears trying to prove a point. once she sees that you’re crying, though, it’s game over and she squashes the entire thing and rushes over to hold you in her arms. she hates seeing you upset, and she hates even more that it’s partly because of her.

- kate definitely loves attention and gets annoyed/slightly jealous when you talk to her teammates over her

- “i just don’t understand why you were talking to caitlin for SO LONG y/n. do you think she’s cooler than me?” and she shows her little puppy dog eyes and pouts her lip at you and you almost fall for it

- nicknames: for kate, you definitely call her love, lovebug, baby, sweet little names like that. kate calls you baby, princess and have you guys seen her tattoo that says sunshine? she would definitely call you her sunshine too (i have a fic idea for this so lmk if you want me to write itttt)

#wlw post #iowa wbb #kate martin x reader #kate martin #lv aces #iowa hawkeyes #wbb x reader #wcbb x reader

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justangelheree · 6 months

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escapism-matt sturniolo (18+)

masterlist

warnings: drinking, cursing, kissing, break up, partying, drugs, use of pet names, choking, creampie, unprotected sex (please wrap it before u tap it), oral(f receiving), confession?, little bit of soft dom matt not proofread like always🙉

summary: reader gets broken up with, after a little drinking she ends up at matt’s door. will he give in to her thoughts?

i wake up with tear stained cheeks and my hair all messed up. i get out of bed looking at myself in the mirror. god i look a mess over some guy. i sigh as i get up texting my friends we’re doing out tonight and they all agreed.

as i got into the shower i was just thinking was i upset that he broke up with me or that i wouldn’t have a boyfriend anymore? i laughed as i got out. i was still hurt but it is what it is. i needed to get forget about him and move on.

as i got ready i put on my favorite black dress that my ex would never let me wear. felt so good to do whatever i want and god did i look good. it was strapless so my boobs were pushed up and my figure looked amazing.

i sat down at my vanity putting on my makeup and doing my hair. i just have forgot how much of a bad bitch i was because damn i look good. i facetimed one of my best friend nala telling her i was ready to go and ill be on my way to her house.

as i hopped in my car connecting my phone to aux playing the hills by the weekend turning the radio up. i got to my friends house getting out the car an walking in i didn’t need to knock. she gave me a hug “girl im sorry his ass broke up with you he was an asshole anyway. moving on to bigger and better things” she spoke.

“and i hope bigger dicks too” i replied giggling. “you ready to go!” she said excitedly. i nodded as she ordered the uber. as the uber arrived she locked her door and we walked outside into the uber. “everyone should already be on there way” i said looking up from my phone. she nodding sliding some pill on her tongue i’ve never seen before. i shook my head smiling at her knowing she was in for a ride tonight.

about an hour later im a couple shots deep since my group of friends kept ordering them an who was i to say no. my body was now almost numb but in a good way, a freeing way.

on the dance floor me and nalas bodies pressed together as we danced to music in the background. nala grabbed my phone from my pocket going to snapchat and recording me bending down and twerking on her. she posted it to my story giggling giving me my phone back.

i giggle back singing along to whatever song was playing as i walked to the bar. i got another drink sitting on a stool scrolling through instagram when a certain someone’s post came up. matt sturniolo a guy i used to flirt and hook up with before i got a boyfriend and man did he look extra fucking fine.

all of a sudden i got hot and sweaty as a wet patch grew in between my thighs thinking about our past experiences. i started to get needy for something i didn’t even know. i needed to go see him. he wouldn’t even be shocked if i pulled up to his house because we used to always show up out of nowhere just to fuck. god was i really this drunk?

i called nala over to me and said i was gonna leave and she gave me a hug goodbye before sliding a bag of pills and a condom into my purse i laughed at her as she walked back to our friends.

matt.

matt

matt.

was all that rung through my head. i hoped into my uber debating it i should take the pills but then i realized girl wtf no. it was hard to not move around to create friction being drunk and horny.

the uber parked right outside his apartment i opened the door as i grabbed my bag and walked to the door. i knocked on the door hope his brothers weren’t home. the boy i’ve been needy for half the night answers the door.

“princess what are you doing here?” matt spoke rubbing his eyes. i could melt just from his words. “i just came from the club and i need you matty” i said quietly. he nodded as he moved out the doorway so i could walk in. he shut the door turning me around to face him.

“need me to help you baby” he softly said. i nodded my head as i whined. “come on mattys here to help” he whispered as he took me to his room. he shut the door behind him locking it.

as he stepped closer to me he wrapped he’s hand around my throat connecting our lips. i walked back letting myself fall onto his mattress not breaking the kiss. his arms were on the sides of me keeping himself up. his lips found my neck lightly sucking as i moan feeling super sensitive from the alcohol.

“gonna make you feel good” matt spoke as he reached his hands to the bottom of my dress lifting it over my head. he groaned as my body was on display infront of him realizing i only had underwear on.

his fingers touched my folds through my underwear “already wet baby, you been thinking about me doing this?” he questioned. “fuck.. yes matt been needing you to touch me all night” i answered.

he slide my panties down my leg as i lifted my hips up to help him. “been missing this pussy so bad. too bad your shitty boyfriend had to take it from me” he spoke rubbing my clit in circles i moaned out at his actions. “i’m not with him anymore matt.. he broke up with me” i struggled to get out.

“im sorry princess i don’t know why he would ever part from this pussy” he said dipping his head down connecting his month to my pussy. i slide my hand to his head lightly gripping his hair. he moans against me send vibrations threw me.

i rock my hips against his face as a euphoric feeling rising in my stomach. he pushes my torso down so i’m stuck in place as he just devours me. “fuck.. matt keep going” i moan out back arching against the bed.

his hand reached reached up to grab my boobs kneading them. the overstimulation of my body sent the pit of my stomach out on to his tongue. he pulled away licking his lips. “best pussy i’ve ever tasted” i smiled as i pulled him back up kissing his now swollen lips.

i reached my hands underneath his shirt pulling it above his head taking him in. “god am i drunk or did you get finer?” i question giggling. he laughed shaking his head reaching down to take his pants off.

it felt like he was taking ages to get undressed so u spoke up. “matt please..” he aligned himself infront of me. “please what princess?” he gently spoke. “i don’t want to feel how i did last night so matt just take this pain away!” i raised my voice slighty at him.

“ill give you what you want but dont raise your voice at me. every. again.” he stated wrapping his hand around my throat before pushing himself into me. only response i had was a pornagrapic moan coming out my mouth.

“such a good fucking girl” he said as i clenched around him. my hands find his neck bringing him close to my face sharing breaths. his thumb slid onto my bottom lip as i open my mouth and let his finger slip into my lips on my light sucking his finger and swirling my tongue around it.

he groaned as he kept his finger into my mouth holding my jaw bucking his hips deeper into me. my moan vibrating his thumb that rested on my tongue. his mouth taking the place where his thumb once was. “fuck matt give me it all.. please” i said digging my nails into his skin.

he obeys putting all of his dick in me i whine out from his actions. “you got it. take it like a good girl.” he spoke throwing his head back. “fuck.. fuck.. matt!” before i could say anything pleasure rushed over me as i dragged my nails down matt’s back.

he moaned against my neck thrusting into me gripping my hips. “i’m almost there baby doing so well for me.” he whispered as i whined from being overstimulated. a few more thrust and a warm liquid was now filling me up. his moans were being covered by my neck, i reached up to rub his face as he came down from his high.

“can we just stay like this for now?” i spoke softly. “anything you want baby” he whispered back. “one thing i will let you know is that im never letting you or this pussy go ever.” he said wrapping my legs around him as he reposition us. i smiled as i cuddle into him getting sleepy.

if you want to be tagged lmk!

tags: @lustfulslxt @oversturn @ilovemattsturn @oliviasturniolo21 @wh0szjoanna @flowerxbunnie

a/n: so sorry if i forgot to tag people some of my posts i can’t see comments but i hoped you enjoyed! also sorry it took me forever i am school and im still in the process of unpacking but two new smuts will be out soon. as always i🤍u

#Spotify #sturniolo triplets #sturniolos #matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets smut #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo smut #smut #the sturniolo triplets #escapism

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themswriters · 2 months

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What’s wrong?

billy loomis x reader

Summery: You decided to go to a halloween party that tatum invited you to only to get fucked by your bully

Warnings: SMUT, fingering, swearing, making out, p in v, rough sex, unprotected sex, choking, hair pulling, cheating

You and Tatum are walking to your next class together when she started to talk about stu’s party later on “Come on y/n it’s going to be fun” she said trying to convince you to go. “do i really have to go billy is gonna be there ” You and Billy used to be close in middle school until something happened between your parents would caused you guys to stop talking to each other. “ So who cares about billy y/n please just come, for me and Sidney” you thought about it for a moment and decided “fine i’ll go but only if me pick an outfit”. “okay that’s fine with me!“ said Tatum, we both then waked into class and go to our seats.

After a while off listening to our teacher the final school bell rung for the day . I got up to me Tatum at the door so we could leave to go to her house. “Finally we’re done with school so we could go find something to wear for the party” Tatum said excitedly. We started to walk out the school then we saw Billy and Stu approaching us. I groaned when saw billy “Hey baby” stu said when he hugged tatum “hey” “are you still coming to the party” “of course I am, wouldn’t want these girls getting a piece of you”. As both stu and tatum were talking about the party i made eye contact with billy “ oh look who is its” billy says as i rolled my eyes “come on let’s go tatum” i say as i stared to walk to her car “okay give me a second y/n” she says “no tatum now” i say while opening the car door “finee” she turns to stu and kisses him goodbye and walks to the car

After a few minutes of driving we finally got to her house and right now we are in her room debating on what outfit looks good on “Does this shirt make a tits look small” “ No it doesn’t” getting annoyed of how many outfits she kept changing into i looked at my self in the mirror to see if too much of my tits wear showing through the nurse costume.

After a while of more outfit changes tatum couldn’t find anything that looked good on her . She finally picked a skirt and with a green short sleeve turtleneck after she picked it we both put our shoes on and finally leave her house. We walk to her car and both get in me in the passenger seat and tatum in the drivers seat, after about 15 minutes we finally make it to stus house.

I walked into his enormous house that was he’s parents the smell of alcohol hit me and the loud music “hey” i said to stu while walking past him “ hey y/n if your looking for drinks there in the kitchen” “okay thanks” i replied. I got to the kitchen to get myself some soda because i didn’t enjoy the taste of alcohol. As i grabbed the drink of my choice i started to think of where tatum was because we spilt ways when entering the party without paying attention to my surroundings i bumped into someone. “Watch it” i heard a familiar voice then i looked up to see billy we stared into each others eyes until he ask “why are you here” he says while stepping closer to me “tatum begged me to come, you have a problem with me being here” “ yea i do because nobody wants you here” he said while staring at me instantly “fuck off” i said while pushing past him to go to the living room to join the games that people were playing.

I sat down on the couch then started to drink my soda while looking around to see sidney and tatum sitting down on their partners lap and randy sitting on the floor and also couple of other things people i recognized from school.“Do you want to play with us y/n” randy ask “what are you guys playing?” “we’re playing spin the bottle “ he said. “no im good” i replied “of course the little miss perfect doesn’t want to play because she things she’s too good for others” i heard billy’s annoying voice say “shut up loomis” i said while standing up to go find the bathroom. “why would you say that” Sidney ask her partner who only had a fussy look on his face “ because she’s a bitch” “don’t call her that and go apologize to her” said sidney “fine”

Billy got up to go find y/n to apologize to as he was going up the stairs he heard his best friend stu laughing at him having to listen by his girlfriend. As he was upstairs he started to open each door insight only for some to have couples making out or it being empty. He finally opened the last door in the hallway to find y/n in a medium size bathroom. He walked inside then locked the door so no one could enter

“what” i said when i noticed billy enter the bathroom “just here to apologize” he said while walking closer to me, i scoffed “you billy loomis the same kid that bullies me and make fun of me” “well i didn’t have a choice so don’t get to cocky” i rolled my eyes. Then stepping back a bit as he kept walking towards me “are you done yet” i said “not yet” i heard him reply to me as i felt my back hit the white tiled walls which cause me to look away from him because of how close he was

I felt his hand brush against my face to force me to look at him “ “you know when we started high school i hated the attention other males got to give you” “what do you mean” i said “you know what i mean” “i really don’t know billy” “fine since you don’t know i’ll tell you, i hate how guys get to look at you and how they get touch you” he said in a tone that sounded like he was angry “you had other guys touching what was mine” he continued to talk while looking at my exposed tits though to my outfit

“You’re mine” he said while moving my hair out the way to suck on my neck. i groaned “what are you doing “ i said in a shakey voice while rubbing my thighs together “don’t act like you don’t want this” he said while moving my nurse costume up alittle to grab my ass “billy you can’t do this, you have a girlfriend and she’s going to find out” “she won’t know, only if you tell” . He replied while kissing down my neck i then felt his fingers go under my dress to touch my undies “look how wet you are” billy said “such a slut getting turned on by your best friends boyfriend huh” i could only reply with a groan as i felt him rub my clothed clit “yeah feels good huh baby” “ yeah y-” “shh “ i heard him say while pulling away from me “what are you doing” i said with desperation in my voice while making eye contact. Before i knew it he was kissing me with his soft lips against mines then i felt his tongue in my mouth fighting for domination against mine.

I grabbed the back of his head pushing him deeper into the kiss. i pulled back to get in oxygen “such a good slut” billy said while pulling my panties off my leg “ billy more” before i could whine anymore i felt two fingers thrust into my pussy with no warning “of fuck, billy” i groaned as i felt him going faster “shh baby, someone could hear us” you felt close to cumming “ come on darling cum for me “ he whispered into your ear as your orgasim hits you hard.

You felt him turn you over in the sink and pulling your dress up so your ass was out and you were arching before any moment wasted you felt his cock spilling open your pussy, then him thrusting into you, his hips going at a ungodly pace

Your moans were filling up the bathroom as he grabbed your hair to pull it back while he kept thrusting into you deeper than ever “fuck baby this pussy is so good” he groaned “all mine right?” “ye—s ba- by all yourss” you said struggling to speak

After a while of him fucking into you then the last thrust you were close “c— close” you said in a loud voice “i know baby, i know” you heard him say. You felt his fingers move up to your clit to rub it fast “cum for me” he said in a raspy voice, you felt and heard how close you were through the wet gushing nose your pussy made as he was fucking you hard

you clench around him as your release came upon you hard which caused your eye to roll back “th— that’s it baby” billy said while reaching his high too then releasing it inside you

After you both calmed down he pulled his cock out of you then back into his pants “good girl” he said “don’t forget this pussy is mine” he said to me before turning around to leave you inside the bathroom.

authors note: hey guys what do you think of this and sorry we didn’t update sooner but send us recommendations of people you would want us to write about 💗

#billy loomis #x reader #scream #billy loomis x reader #stu macher #tatum riley #18+ only #smut #enimes to lovers #female reader

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thedivineflowers · 6 months

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hi!!! Love you works they’re so silly and good😜but sad😔 anyway I hope you’re doing well! I wanted to ask for when the boys (idk how many you’ll take but I think if you need a limited amount go with the first years😭) but yea when the boys say something plain ass bitchy and mean to middleschool!reader, like how were magic-less useless kid (looking at you Ace😡) saying some shit about our family or babying us too much till it become insufferable or smth and then when we get rightfully upset and cry or get upset (leaning on crying for more drama, angst and guilt😘) they realize how bad they fucked up and apologize, I feel like we would be a little stubborn about the apology depended on who it is to😭 but yea my goofy ahh request take your time and you can switch up the characters it’s your writing I don’t care! Love you works<333

YEHAHAHAHAHAH I LOVE THIS IDEA SM AND I LIKE DONT REALLY HAVE A LIMIT UNLESS I COULDNT REALLY THINK OF SOMETHING SO EYEYEYEY

OKAY IMA ETART IM SOMEZCIYED

I ONLY DID THE FIRST YEARS BECAUSE IT WAS GONNA TAKE SOME TIME AND I DIDNT WANT TO KEEP YOU WAITING SO HERE 😆

Ace: he’d always tease you. And during the first few weeks when he was warming up to you he’d diss you by saying that you were nothing without magic. He even referred to you as the useless and magicless kid for some time. Even after months he still referred to you as that and one day you just bursted. “Why can’t you shut up about me being magicless?! I know I’m at a disadvantage but I’m tired of it! The jokes dead now why can’t you get it!? If I could I’d just make a portal by myself to go back to my world so I don’t have to listen to you all damn day but guess what?! Im just some useless and magicless kid!!” You shouted at tears ran down your face. You stormed away and he tried running after you but you quickly maneuvered away from him. Because of his pride he didn’t apologize for days and stayed quiet when around you. One day after he was given a reality check by Deuce he apologized because guilt was really eating away at him. You still avoided him for a bit just to make sure but your friendship came back together.

Deuce: he kinda has a temper (to me he does) and he’ll let it out sometimes making him call you shit like Ace. But because he is trying to be a good student (and a good friend) he’d be very quiet if he’d call you things but you always manage to him whisper it to himself. One day you two were alone in the classroom doing detention because you two got into a fight when a guy mocked you. “Hey, Deuce.” You called him with an empty tone. “Do you really wish that I had magic. That I had someone to look after me so you didn’t have to stick around me all the time?” You asked as you eyes were glued to the table in front of you. Barely managing to answer the first question on your math homework. “I see how you look at me when I mess something up because I lack magic. I just wanna know.” You said as there was a pressure on your throat. Like you wanted to throw up and let out a yell at the same time. His answer only made the pressure worse as your breathing became short. Did he really think that it’d been better if the magic mirror didn’t pick you? That you’d only stay as the schools janitor? You quickly walked out leaving everything behind to go to the teachers bathroom that you had access to. Everyone thought the same thing about you so why were you throwing up in the sink and crying your eyes out? Because you thought of him as different? No. Deuce came to your dorm later that evening with your completed math homework and backpack. He sighed before apologizing about what he said earlier and the things he’s called you. After some talking your friendship was alright but with rockiness

Jack: At first because you were obviously magicless he’d be very overbearing to you when it comes to things like flying your broom three feet off the ground. He’d chastise you when you used simple spells by waking you up the morning and running with him. He’s trying to protect you but it seems that he underestimates what you know you can and can’t do. You’d get frustrated and try to express that you didn’t need to be babied but the words would just stay stuck in your throat because you knew that he was just trying to look after you. “I can do this Jack! You need to stop worrying about me with small things like having the damn ladle stir itself in the pot! I’m not gonna get hurt with it and I know you’re looking after me but you’re making me uneasy like I could die from just touching a book about small spells! You’ve seen me fly a broom around and be perfectly fine in Mr. Crewels class so what is it that makes you think that I need you breathing down my neck all the time?! Is it because I’m magicless and from another world? Is it because I’m still a kid?” You bubbles over and spewed at him one day while you were making yourself dinner. Jack stood there as he awkwardly looked to the side trying to find an excuse. “I-“ “Im not as fragile as you think. If I was I would’ve been dead.” He’d been contemplating how much magic you could handle and he knows you know that he’s watching over you but he doesn’t know that it was getting overwhelming for you. He avoided you for a bit before apologizing and admitting that he had protected you because he feared you were weak because you were still a kid. You nodded in understanding and forgave him.

Epel: he had a small ego boost because he heard that you were magicless and a child who still knew nothing. He’d also heard Vil chatting away about you and saying mean things even when you were around. So he thought that you wouldn’t mind if he did too. You tried getting along with him at one point but he just pushed you away. “Is there something wrong with me that makes you stay away from me? I know that Im nothing like you but I’m trying to make an effort to get along with you!” You cornered him one day in the hall with small tears about to well over. He had almost nothing to say but a small peep “Does me being magicless and from another world disgust you? If it does then just say it already so I can leave you the hell alone and stop wasting my time trying to make an effort!” You demanded “I- no, not at all! I just…” He cleared his throat away of his country accent. “I thought that a kid like you couldn’t go through so many things and not have anything to hold onto yourself, ‘thought it was silly and that everyone and you were bluffin’ so I pushed you away because I thought you were way over yourself before I even got the chance to talk you properly…” he trailed off as you wiped your eyes and looked at him in understanding. Over time you both tried holding conversations to get to know each other and get warmed up so the same mistake doesn’t happen again. (It is hot in my damn room help 😭)

(The ones from diasomnia don’t really know you here)

Sebek 😈: He’d always talk about it was ‘impossible for a child with nothing to their name’ to even do anything in a world where they didn’t belong when he wasn’t stuffing his mouth with praises for Malleus. How ‘Their parents clearly made a mistake in raising them’ because you couldn’t cast a spell in class without needing help or looking at the instructions again. He’d even insult you in front of Malleus when you do someone like walk past their table “That child has no grace when they walk! Even in the presence of my lord himself! Utterly disgusting!” He’d say and the other three wouldn’t really respond because they hardly know you. One day Mr. Crewel had you two paired in a project so you two went to a secluded place to start (I mean he walked away while you followed after him.). “For the hundredth time that species will poison you! Can’t you understand?! Sevens I don’t know how you’re alive when you can’t even memorize stuff like this.” He muttered as he pinched the space between his eyes. You then slammed your fists in the table with tears of Frustration boiling up. “Can’t you understand that I can’t get a grasp of things here?! I’m only (age) and I’m in the (grade) grade! No sebek I cant understand anything because I’m not from here! I’m not supposed to be here making spells or talking to you because I’m supposed to be in a world where I get shut out like you have done to me because of shit like this! I don’t have an identity but only my face as proof of my existence! I don’t care about this project anymore you can blame me all you want I’m leaving.” You concluded before shoving papers in your bag and hastily walking away before he could even speak. After he had complained of what you said to him to Lilia he suggested that he look at it from your view and apologize. So he did. Which earned him nothing more than a smack on the face and a door to his nose. It’s up to you if you forgive him.

#thedivineflowers #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #middle school mc #deuce spade x reader #jack howl x reader #epel felmier x reader #sebek vigzolt x Reader #ace trapolla x reader #middle schooler mc #twst x child reader #twisted wonderland x child reader

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crowleys-bentley-and-plants · 2 months

Text

Damaged

I dont think this is so much a poem as me just smashing words together to cope. im just trying to make sense of things. this is years and years of pieces of myself and of Crowley spilled over the screen. i might have taken it too far i mightve choked on the things i wanted to say but well it's done now so yeah. please proceed with caution this poem deals with self loathing and the such

How can you see beauty

In a broken thing like me?

For I am tainted, stained by sin

How can you love a crippled soul

That’s marked by scars too deep to hide?

Scorched and carved up and then spit out

By the place I once called my own

Forced to grow fangs and claws

To shield myself from the torment of my past

But now, I brush my hands against yours

And I leave a trail of scarlet upon your flesh

I've become the beast I feared

Struggling to recognize the reflection in the mirror

As it distorts

Into a monstrous mask

Yet you hold me with gentle hands

As spiders spill from my eye sockets

Falling on the ground that grows webs in their wake

Securing me in place

To ensure that I cannot escape

Myself

Yet you remain steadfast by my side

As my sharp branches that I call limbs

Ensnare your figure and pierce your sacred skin

I see the pain etched upon your face

And I curse myself for it

For this is how I love—

With claws that cut and fangs that maul

And no one should endure the love I give

For is it love, if it destroys

You?

Yet still, you stay,

A martyr, a sacrifice,

A holy fool

You see value where there is none

I am but a stain upon your purity

A blemish on your perfection

A poison coursing through your veins

A parasite feeding on your kindness

Venom oozes out of my wounds

Burying you alongside the echo of my being

I am a plague, spreading with every breath I take

The ruptured creature within

Will not stop until you collapse into my useless arms

Until we become one

And I would rue the day I first drew breath

The day She sculpted me out of fire

And left me there to burn

The day she imprisoned me in this vessel

Cursed me to crawl on broken legs

She never loved me—

How could She love a creation designed to falter?

Yet you do

Despite my flaws?

So teach me, angel, if you dare

Show me that I’m not beyond repair

For I’m still damaged, in need of mending

How can I not be? Look at me

How can you love this misshapen thing I am

With jagged edges, dented thorns?

My mouth so rough, my wings all faulty

My eyes unable to perceive the light

My body, nothing but shards of broken glass

And my heart, a barren wasteland

My tongue slit, but what’s one more tear,

On my already fractured frame?

How can you love me

When I have forgotten

How to love myself?

ive never been more scared to post something. im gonna disappear from the face of the earth for a bit now

read it also on ao3:

hey my absolute favourite people of this site i hope you dont mind @crowleys-hips @bearthewhipsandscornsoftime @fearandhatred @ghostsparrow @eybefioro @seven-stars-in-his-palm @ficreader500 @crowleys-curl @crowleybrekkers @notagoodlad @lickthecowhappy @di-42 @goodoldfashionednightingale @spookyllamatree @wanderer-main @ineffabildaddy

#good omens #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #good omens poem #good omens 2 #good omens season 2 #go2 #original poem

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lovebvni · 1 month

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HI - i hope ur well

i just wanted to ask, as someone that’s recently discovered loa, how would you go about materialising a complete head to toe glo up, like yk in the movies how the girl changes overnight and everyone and their momma is like "woah omg who is that ????" yes.

i don’t necessarily have a lot of hatred towards my looks, i’ve had very bad skin (hyperpigmentation) on my face for a few years tho, definitely want that gone now that ik about the law and even my smile, those two things are what i’m most focused on? but otherwise i want like a "woah omg who’s that" moment esp now that i have school break

any words of advice, any suggestions, tips - i don’t want to feel like i’m waiting for this one, like it must materialised like TODAY like SOON

yes

thank u in advance btw

hii anon!! i’m sorry im kinda on and off here bc of some recent frustrations, but for manifesting complete change i would js have to say stick w it!! it’s gonna b hard sometimes, but always know u will get what u want.

for me, if i were to do this, i would 100000% start with writing down what in specific i want gone in some sort of journal. i know a lot of people say physical is better but u can do it wherever and how ever u want.

have that written down on one sheet of paper (or one section of the notes app) then on another section i would make some sort of check list and schedule

so i would list kinda like a check list, and i would plan it out almost like its a normal day.

wake up

brush teeth n wash face

affirm for *different eye colour* (or whatever) while getting dressed

look in the mirror before i leave and tell myself “oh i love x feature and im so glad i manifested it!!” (x obvs stands for what u want to b there)

go on with your normal day w school, work or whatever

random my decide to affirm when ur bored/not doing much (write it or js verbally/mentally affirm.)

on ur way to wherever u live, listen to a positive song, a sub, or frequencies and affirm to them.

do ur hw or whatever, anything u need to when u get home and pop some headphones in and listen to some more subs, frequencies or positive music

journal abt ur day!!! say if u felt anything odd? bc it could deffo b a sign of a change!!

(optional) do a dance!! get the positivity flowing <3 it helps me a lot !! or do anything creative, get in touch w ur spiritual side.

do ur night routine, shower, do whatever n js affirm — do it a bit more than u have earlier js to make it like more important so u can affirm in ur sleep.

when going to sleep, you can affirm urself to sleep, affirm and listen to a sub, or js decide u have what u want, go to sleep, and wake up with it

that’s like pretty much what i would do if i wanted to change my whole body. i dont follow these step by step personally, but i would 1000% recommend step 12 bc like ive sen the most results that way <3

i hope this helps anon!! i’m sorry this is so long and it took so long to reply 😭😭

#abyss .answers #manifesation #manifest #law of manifestation #manifestation #manifestations #loa blog #loa success #loa #loa tumblr #loablr #loassblog #loassumption

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buckybabieboy · 2 years

Note

cg!bucky being insecure about his arm

so the little!reader buys magnets and decorates them along his arm and says "look daddy! now you see what i see!" 🥹🥹

Now You See What I See <3 <3

⚠️TW: daddy!caregiver!bucky, fem!little!reader, Bucky calls reader ‘Kitten’, cuteness😭.

☁️Summary: cg!daddy!bucky is insecure about his arm, so you buy magnets at the beach to make him feel better.

📝A/N: This is sooo cute babie🥹!! I really hope you like what I did with it! I don’t usually write little!reader fics but I really like this suggestion lol. Pls keep the requests coming guys I love doing them :) (I hope it’s okay that I put she/her pronouns. Feel free to replace those with anything you’d like)

“Y/n, kitten wake up.”

You wake up to a pair of beautiful big turquoise eyes, staring down at you sweetly. Bucky has his flesh hand cupping your cheek and stroking it lightly with his thumb.

“Da-Dada, still tired..” you mumble as you lean into your daddy’s touch.

“But we’re going to the beach today, kitten. It’s gonna be so much fun!” Bucky responds, voice enthusiastic. He kisses you on the forehead and you sit up slowly and rub your eyes, trying to wake yourself up.

“Can you be a big girl and wash up for me?”

You nod your head yes and squeal, wanting to prove that you’re a big girl. After you wash up and get dressed in your beach clothes, you see Bucky standing in front of the mirror, examining his arm intently. He notices you, and gives you another warm and vibrant smile.

“Wanna choose out Daddy’s outfits?” Bucky asks as he turns around in the mirror, inspecting his outfit. In the corner of the mirror, he sees how wide your eyes got as you let out another squeal of excitement.

“Yeeaaah!” You exclaim as you dash to the closet. You search for some shirts that you think will make him looks sexy, but are also comfortable enough for the beach.

You return with 6 selections in your hands, all of them being short sleeved, button down shirts.

“These are my favorite ones daddy!” You exclaim as you lay them all out on the bed for him to see.

“I also picked out some shorts f’you and-” you look up to see Bucky’s face. You expected him to be as excited as you were, but instead his expression was blank.

“Y-you don’t like what I chose f’you?” You ask, hoping that you didn’t disappoint your daddy. You look down at the shirts, trying to figure out what was wrong with your selections.

“It’s not that, baby. It’s just I can’t show my arm out in public.” Bucky responds as he moves his fingers in front you.

“But your arm’s so cool, daddy.. why wouldn’t you want anybody to see it?”

Your eyes stay locked on his fingers as you watch them extract and retract in awe.

“Well not everybody thinks that, darling.” Bucky says in a soft tone.

You look up at his eyes, down at his arm, and up at his eyes again. You give him a wide eyed and confused look, because you couldn’t think of one reason why anybody would think his arm wasn’t cool.

Bucky takes the shirts you picked out for him and places them back as they were in the closet. He picks out the same-old boring long sleeve shirts and places them in his bag.

“Let’s go, baby.”

You nod your head and grab his hand as you head to the car. He buckles you up in your seat and you guys head to the beach.

“Daddy, look at the waves! I can’t wait to get in!” You giggle as you jump up in down.

“Go ahead, baby. I’ll be watching you from here.”

You frown at Bucky’s words. His facial expression was hard to read again, which frustrated you a lot.

“Get in with me! Don’t wanna go in without my Daddy.” You grumble as you try to tug at the bottom of his shirt.

“What did I say earlier, kitten? Daddy doesn’t want to show his arm, okay?”

Bucky’s tone was stern and you didn’t like it. What could you do to show him how cool his arm was? To show him what you see?

“Daddy, I have to use the bathroom. Im gonna be a big girl and go by myself! ‘Kay bye!” You say quickly, not even giving him a chance to respond.

Instead of going to the bathroom, you ran to the gift shop which was right next to it. You found these cool magnets, which were sure to make Bucky feel good about his arm. Some are waves, some are the sun, and you even found Captain America’s shield! You quickly pay for them and run back to the beach, the bag of magnets in your hand.

“Where’d you run off too, baby?” Bucky asks as he watches you approach him.

You giggle in response as you sit down on the sand. He follows suit and watches you as you take the sun magnet from the plastic bag. You grab his vibranium arm, and roll up his sleeve. You feel him try to to pull away, but you don’t let him.

“Daddy, let me see it…” Your tone was soft and innocent. He hesitated for a moment, but he finally gave into you. You put the sun magnet on his upper arm. Then you put the beach magnet under that one, and the Captain America magnet under that one. You put a few others on his shoulder, and when you’re finally done you smile at your work. You hoped that he liked his newly decorated arm, because you decorated it with allll your love.

“Look daddy! Now you see what I see!” You smile at him. The biggest and purest smile that he loves so much. Bucky looks down at his arm, and he laughs at how silly and adorable it looks. It has you written all over it, which makes him even more happy.

“I love you, baby. So, so, so, much.” Bucky said as he looked at you like you were the most precious thing in the entire world. He smiles before kissing you softly on the lips.

“I love you the mostest, daddy!” You smile back at him and tug on his shirt.

“Wanna swim with me?” You asked with a hopeful tone.

Bucky nods his head and takes off his shirt.

“Of course, kitten.”

You squeal at his response, excited and happy that you made your Daddy feel better. You run into the crashing waves and turn around to see Bucky, and his cool vibranium arm that you love so much.

#buckybabieboy #dom!bucky #little!reader #cg!bucky #daddy!bucky #sebastian stan #bucky barnes x female reader #daddy!bucky barnes #bucky blurb #captain america #tfatws #marvel

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nnight-dances · 2 years

Text

BIG WORDS

pairings: huening kai x gn!reader

mentions of: txt's yeonjun, txt's beomgyu, nct's haechan, nct's mark, (g)-idle's yuqi

genre: fluff, angst, slightly suggestive at the end, humor if i may say so myself

trope: best friends to lovers! how cool and original ha!

what to expect: he laughs, “i don't care if you're about to pee your pants. you’ve done it before. what you haven’t done before is avoid me.”

author's note: reader is pansexual :) :) i gave up on doing an elaborate pride-themed series because i don't trust myself but i will try to release something for each member. and if you have any requests, do feel free to leave them!!

—

you wake up to your phone blowing up beside you. the buzzing of your phone startle you and you roll over to the side, picking up your phone with a groan, peeking at your phone through squinted eyes.

you sigh with recognition when your phone lights up with 10 unread messages from hyuka

hyuka: yo

hyuka: dude

hyuka: y/n…

hyuka: hulloooooooo

hyuka: y/n the loml my bestie my dear friendo

hyuka: wake up how much do u even sleep brooooo

hyuka: broski it’s important

hyuka: wow i cannot believe youuu……. stoppp ignoring meee

you groan again, cursing him in your head as you swipe your phone open.

hyuka: aha!! ur online

y/n: no shit bitch you spammed me like you were on fire or some shit

hyuka: i could’ve been on fire and u would sleep through it

y/n: happily

y/n: what the fuck do u want this early

hyuka: early?? it’s 12 pm but ok

hyuka: ok but but but i have a idea

y/n: an*

y/n: and stop having ideas

hyuka: ur gonna regret saying that

hyuka: bc i was gonna ask u to come shopping

hyuka: but ig not since u want me to stop having ideas

y/n: ….. you little shit

y/n: come pick me up in 30

hyuka: and why would i do that

y/n: because you love me <3 and you support me <3

hyuka: first i’m hearing of it 🤔

y/n: alright bye im going back to sleep if that’s what u want

hyuka: fINE BE READY BY 1!!!!!!

—

“i thought i told you i’d be here by one?” the feigned disbelief rings in hueningkai’s voice as he steps into your bedroom to find you crouched in front of your measly but functional dressing table.

“you said to be ready by one,” you mumble through gritted teeth as you focus on getting the stroke of your eyeliner right, “and that doesn’t mean you’d be here by then, so i took some more time.”

“ah, sorry, i forget how stupid you are sometimes,” hueningkai comments as he flips down on your bed. you sigh, finally satisfied with the winged eyeliner you’d been perfecting for the past five minutes.

“and i forget how shameless you are sometimes,” you retort, standing up with a huff, “barging into my house without even knocking? you’re worse than any toxic parent i’ve met.”

hueningkai greets with a sarcastically bright smile, sitting up and watching you as you put on your crocs with a pout. he laughs and you glare at him.

“’s funny how you put all that effort into your outfit only to top it off with your ugly crocs.”

you throw a handful of the tissues you used to clean up your failed eyeliner attempts at his face, “i’m going shopping without you, asshole. maybe i’ll get yeonjun, at least he understands fashion.”

“hmm, i’m gonna tell beomgyu-hyung you chose yeonjun-hyung as the fashion expert, and then we’ll talk.”

you flip hueningkai off, shoving him through the hallway of your living room, with shooing sounds. as you grab your car keys and exit the house, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the only full-length mirror at your place. a white loose-fitted shirt slightly tucked into the front of your denim shorts pair smoothly with your black crocs — you have no idea what hueningkai’s going on about, you think as you follow him with a smirk.

—

“ohhhh, how is this one?”

you stop in your tracks with a glower on your face, wondering why hueningkai is pointing the ugliest shade of green in your face.

“what?” he squeaks when he spots the look on your face, “i thought you liked green! i can’t keep up with you!”

you shake your head, “i love green, hyuka, but that—” you point a hesitatn finger at the not-green jumper in his hand, “that’s fucking devil vomit. i’m not wearing that even if you paid me real money to.”

“what if i treated you to frozen yogurt after this?”

you wordlessly snatch the atrocious piece of clothing from him, “i’m never going to buy it though so don’t even think about it.”

“don’t be so sure of yourself, y/n,” hueningkai grins at the sight of his chosen piece lying in your shopping bag and you sigh internally at how adorable it is of him to be so excited over having bribed you into simply trying on the jumper. the vision of his sheer happiness remains ingrained in your mind later, when you do put the thing on, and much to your surprise, you’re not knelt on the floor puking your insides out.

“how is this?” you deadpan with a dead look on your face as you open the door to find him already jumping up and down like an excited child at the sight of cotton candy. if only the jumper you’re wearing was the color of cotton candy, you’d consider justifying hueningkai’s taste in clothes.

“wow! wait, you actually look cute in this!”

“so you did think it was an ugly sweater?” you hit hueningkai’s arm and he bites his lip at having been caught. “fuck you. just for this, i get to choose what flavor of frozen yogurt you’re getting.” you turn around only to be spun back around.

hueningkai’s flushed face greets you and he looks down at the floor, “i’m- i’m serious! you look cu- this looks cute! seriously! i’m not pranking you right now?”

you choke over a laugh at his flustered state, both confused and half-flustered yourself. you would always have so many questions about this boy. but for now you settle your insides with a loving head-pat to hueningkai’s brown hair, “i believe you for some reason. i’m going to try the other stuff on.”

as you close the door behind you, hueningkai sighs into his hands, unable to understand what he was doing. he’s ready to melt into a nondescript muddle of emotions outside your trial room to recover but your voice calls out to him sooner than he expects.

“hey, hyuka?” his heart skips a beat at the hesitance in your tone, “um, fucking hell, i need some help here.”

hueningkai chokes over his words, “h-help? you- what, you can’t even wear clothes without my help now?” he laughs at his own unwise joke, ignoring the eye-roll of the hormonal pre-teen kid next to him.

“can you actually shut the fuck up for once and like, help me before i suffocate to death?”

hueningkai coughs, feeling his ears burn. he slightly opens the door to your trial room. “i can come in?” he mutters, heart in his throat. “yes! do you need me to write it on a fucking paper or something? come inside!!”

the boy beside him chuckles, and hueningkai glares at him, cursing him for still not having had hit puberty.

either way, he shimmies into the room, and the first thing he thinks when he looks at you is: god, he hates stupid clothes that get stuck around people’s limbs.

second, he thinks: fuck, you’re standing half-naked in front of him.

you look at him through the mirror in front of you, “hello? i’m literally being hung to death by a piece of clothing and you’re busy gaping at me? do i need to start crying before you—”

“alright, alright, i’m helping so please stop screaming at me,” he fumbles with the hem of the sweater, trying to figure out the ends of the tag that was obstructing the cloth. as hueningkai struggles with the intricacies of threads, you struggle with the feel of his fingers brushing against your skin, every other second.

“are you done yet?” your comment is meant to be frustrating but the way you say is saturated with nerves, your voice half-breaking halfway.

hueningkai chuckles, sending a flush of air against your back, making you shiver. “i’m trying!” he says, eliciting another less intense shiver from you.

“oh, wait, i get it now.. i think.”

it is now, after having sacrificed at least a majority of his working brain cells, that hueningkai notices that the sweater is a lovely shade of lavender and it fits you snugly, sitting cozily against your hip.

“oh, wow,” you voice his thoughts when you look at the mirror, “this sweater is fucking god-send.”

“i can’t believe you actually look nice right now,” hueningkai mutters. you roll your eyes at his classic back-handed compliment and turn around as he continues, “you know what is a god-send? me. your bestest friend who spent an hour trying to untangle this impossible thing.”

“so i take it you’re saying i should buy this, then?” you inquire, leaning on one leg, hands on your hips. hueningkai looks away, afraid to look at you for too long and shrugs, “i mean, it’s more decent than the rest of your closet so—”

“get out of here, hyuka.”

you sigh in relief when he leaves you alone, and feel a dull twinge at his lack of enthusiasm toward your outfit. it’s stupid, you know, to base how you feel about yourself on the basis of what someone else says but the most valid explanation you can give to that is hueningkai qualifies as something other than someone else.

put in his own words, he’s your ‘bestest’ friend. in your own words? he’s… annoying.

and just because he’s annoying and you can’t get it out of your head how annoying he is, you interrupt a perfectly peaceful, albeit far from civil, frozen yogurt debate to ask him a stupid question.

“who do you find attractive?”

hueningkai blanks out for a whole minute, comprehending that you, y/n, are asking him this, a question about who he’s attracted to. you try to hide your embarrassment by stirring around your yogurt, looking through the window.

“what? i’m curious because i’ve literally never heard you talk about being into someone.”

he shrugs as nonchalantly he can, “because i’m not into someone.”

“no, that’s not what i mean,” you nudge him again, “like, a stranger, you know? just a surface-level attraction is what i’m talking about?”

“are you seriously asking me what my type is right now?” hueningkai narrows his eyes, “what is this? a scheme to set me up with a friend of yours?”

your heart aches, wondering how much easier life would be if your ulterior motive was the simple, that easily revealed. “no! i’m just asking you! it’s not that deep, you don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.”

you go back to eating your respective yogurts in silence after that and you’re one minute away from banging your head against the wooden table in front of you.

“it really depends. i can’t explain it that well honestly,” he says suddenly. you look up, brows raised. “it’s hard to find someone who has all the things.. you know?”

“and the same features look so different on everyone?” he points at you, “like you have short hair, right?” you’re glitching the minute he brings you up but you nod affirmatively because of course, you’re aware that you have short hair.

“but even yuqi has short hair but she looks completely different to you,” you already don’t like where he’s going with this, but you know you’re gonna sit through the suffering anyway, “she’s very loud and like, out there? yours is much more subtle.”

what does that even mean?

“ha,” you jump up in realization that you’ve said this out loud and hueningkai fumbles, “i have no idea either, it’s just… there isn’t a blueprint. you know like both yeonjun-hyung and beomgyu-hyung have had mullets but gyu-hyung looked more androgynous and ethereal.”

“what i’m hearing right now is that you have a hair fetish?”

“i hate it when i’m being vulnerable with you and you make me a pervert, y/n.”

you chuckle, stuffing another spoonful of yogurt in your mouth.

“what about you?” hueningkai asks, almost accusingly, “what’s attractive to you?”

“i hate it when people ask me my own questions, so fuck you,” you flip him off, “also, i’m attracted to people’s personality more.”

“yes, yes, i’m aware. you told me you need to get to know people properly before you can be into them?” you nod, “so then, what quality makes you be into someone?”

you sigh, “come on, this isn’t a fair question! personality isn’t like appearance! i can’t just say that my type is beomgyu in a mullet and get away with it like you!”

“hey, i never said that my type was— that’s! that’s besides the point! i’m, for example, i like funny in a person-”

“you mean a sense of humor?”

hueningkai glowers at you, “just give me something here, y/n, you’ve made me spill my beans, now you tell me at least one thing.”

“fine! god, let me think,” you mumble. a few minutes later, you shrug, “i guess.. affectionate people are.. i have a soft spot for them?”

“that’s a bad answer, who isn’t affectionate in this era? what are we all, a bunch of tsunderes?”

“i’m leaving before you give me any more trauma, hyuka.”

—

at this point, it is clear to everyone and their mother that you have a joking as a coping mechanism problem which makes the fact that you joke around hueningkai natural. of course, there comes a time in your life where you find yourself alone in your bed, unable to asleep and unable to stop yourself from doing the one thing you’ve managed to avoid pretty well: thinking.

thinking leads to thinking about hyuka which leads to thinking about your conversation with him and how yuqi is loud and out there while you’re designated a lonesome word like subtle. it doesn’t help to know that yuqi gets along so well with hyuka, despite having met him fairly recently. and you see no reason for them to not be so close, honestly. both of them are crazy, to say the least. loud, hilarious, easy-going. they could spend hours cracking jokes and laughing at them. you could sit in the same room as them and go completed unnoticed.

you sit up with a groan. you hate being like this, you do. so bitter towards people just because you’re stupidly into hyuka. god, you groan again, in realization of the fact that you’re stuck in a cliche: helplessly in a one-sided love with your best friend. you didn’t just have the second-lead syndrome, you are the second lead. you’d just watch from beside hyuka as he falls in love with someone like yuqi, words Loud! and Out There! embellished around her head.

and you’re right about the fact that you’re inside of a cliche. you’re wrong about which cliche it is.

because around the same time as you, hueningkai is whining into beomgyu’s arm about how much he hates himself for saying what he’s said to you.

“they hate me for sure! they think i have fucking hair fetish!”

“you know, huening, if you’re actually secretly in love with me instead of y/n, you could just tell me.”

beomgyu’s grin doesn’t shrink even at the sight of yeonjun’s disgusted grimace as he pulls hueningkai off him and pats his back.

“kai, calm down, my man. they said they like affectionate people, right? that’s basically you!”

hueningkai shakes his head, “no, y/n’s definition of affectionate is very different. you won’t get it. i probably qualify as clingy.”

beomgyu shakes his head behind hueningkai, “you sound insane right now, i’m sorry. i can’t take it, i’m just going to text them—”

“NO! YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING!”

—

the next time hueningkai sees you, you have red hair.

at first, he doesn’t even realize it’s you. he’s too busy looking around the room for you that when beomgyu screams, “y/n, you’re fucking crazy!!!!!” he squeals in surprise. when he turns to look at you, he expects you to just be drunk or in the middle of a wrestling match with yuqi but no.

“y-you have red hair?” he stumbles his step at the sight because he’s the one going crazy right now. what does one do when their crush dyes their hair out of the blue? or should he say, out of the red? (sorry not sorry for the bad joke. he’s down bad for you.)

his comment is drowned out by the choruses of wowing and screams around him as yeonjun and beomgyu jump around you excitedly, playing with the freshly red strands of your hair. most of the conversation is unintelligible as is to be expected but a part of it stands out.

“oh my god, why suddenly?”

you shrug, “i was just bored with my hair. it was too… subtle.”

you know what you’re doing, being overtly obvious about your motives but thanks to everyone’s enthusiastic reactions (and hueningkai’s unenthusiastic reaction), it is easy to disappear from his sights after that comment.

the rest of haechan’s game night is spent with a bunch of people rushing at you all at once, marveling at the change and catching up with you, the latter thanks to your absence at last month’s game night.

“i really missed you last month, you know!” mark jokes, poking your shoulder, “there’s nobody else who gets the hype of connect four like you!”

you laugh, “i apologize for abandoning you, my dude. i was burnt out after finals week so i just slept that whole weekend away.”

“ah, understandable. you’re forgiven in that case,” he mumbles, patting your head, and hueningkai suddenly appears at your side. though his signature goofy grin is plastered to his face, he seems stiff. you notice it right away and dread fills you, and then guilt. you’ve been ignoring him the entire night and he’s run out of patience. god, you hate life.

“you know what, we should play now!” mark exclaims, catching a glimpse of the uncharacteristic tension between the two of you. “all three of us, connect four. what say you?”

you freeze, and look around the room for an excuse. “um, actually, i was just going to go find the bathroom. you two should carry on.” mark stares at you warily before cracking a tight smile, “sure, y/n, you go do your business. we’ll be here.” he waves at you, watching you leave.

“or, i guess i’ll be here, all alone,” he corrects when hueningkai takes off right after you.

“wait, y/n.”

you would rather not. you keep speed-walking toward the bathroom, hating every step of the way.

“what-?” hueningkai takes hold of your shoulders, fixing you in place as he blocks your way to the bathroom. “hyuka, i’m literally about to pee my pants right now. so please unhand me now.”

he laughs, “i don't care if you're about to pee your pants. you’ve done it before. what you haven’t done before is avoid me.”

“avoid you?” your voice breaks because your body is never on your side, “what? i try listen to my liver's needs and suddenly i’m avoiding you-”

“i heard what you said, you know. about your hair.”

“my hair?” you mumble, and though you know what he’s referring to, you ask him, “do you like it?”

hueningkai feels the weight of the question uneasily, as if you’re not the y/n he’s known for more than just the length of his entire life, but rather as if this is a y/n he’s just met at a stranger’s party.

“i’m- i, yes, it’s nice. it looks natural. like you were born with red hair.”

the amused look on your face falls at his comment and you truly want to strangle hueningkai in that moment. you don’t.

instead, you shrug his hands off of you and rush into the bathroom, nails pressed up painfully against the skin of your palm.

“hey, y/n! what- i’m not done- hey, what’s wrong?”

hueningkai has followed you into the bathroom where it’s so much more silent and you want to go back outside. another one of those moments where your thoughts hit you hard. hard enough for you to say them out loud.

“of all the things you could say, hyuka! of all the things you could’ve said about me and my stupid fucking hair! first, it’s subtle. and now it’s, what? natural? honestly, just-” you stop when you realize you’re tearing up, “just, can you go right now? i’ll talk to you later.”

“what do you mean? i’m- did i say something wrong? i- i don’t get it.” hueningkai is truly stumped at your outburst. all along he’d been worrying about if he was being too obvious about his feelings about you. now he fears he’s not been obvious enough. (no shit, sherlock.)

you’re silent and fuming. breathing. “i don’t understand, is this about the other day? i didn’t mean anything bad-”

“but that’s just it, hyuka,” you’re not mad now. just heartbroken. “look, i didn’t think i was this far gone but i guess i am. and you’re still so fucking dense, dude. i’m in love with you but i can’t tell you that without crying like this because i’m your stupid best friend and- and just, ugh, just leave me alone right now and i’ll apologize later. please.”

hueningkai’s breath hitches, mind in chaos as he processes your words. it’s only when your hands push him toward the door of the bathroom that he springs into action.

“y/n! what the fuck is wrong with you?”

the words come out without the context of the 19 years’ worth of love he’s harbored for you so now you’re just crying harder.

“wait, no! no! i mean, i’m in love with you. i love you more than you could imagine, you literal dumbass. and you’re dense for not getting anything right. subtle? natural? have you ever heard me using big words like that for anyone else? i love you, y/n, because you’re you and that’s that. fuck you for not interpreting my words correctly.”

“what?” you choke out, wiping your tears, “you’re- but? wait, but?”

hueningkai pulls you into a hug and now it’s just adrenaline speaking for him, “i’m in love with you, y/n. in. love. with. you. with you! in love! i love you! love, not platonically, but romantically! as in i’m into you. more than friends. more than best friends and definitely, more than bestest friends—”

“okay, okay!” you shout hoarsely, pulling him closer, “i think i get it now.”

he pulls away, “you think you get it? i’m in love with—”

“i get it! you love me!” with that, you’re pressing closer to him, lips touching his cheek. “i love you.”

“can you do that again? i don’t think i get it, honestly.”

you roll your eyes but he leans in closer, lips a breath away from yours. his ears are red now and he’s back to being shy. you chuckle, your hands taking his face in them delicately and you kiss him fully on the lips.

“thank god that finally happened,” a voice from outside speaks up. you jump up and hueningkai throws the door open.

“what the fuck, beomgyu? get out of here!!”

—

“you know,” you whisper into the skin of hueningkai’s neck later that night, “you have used bigger words.”

honestly speaking it takes hueningkai a minute to recover from your incessant kissing to understand what you’re saying. “what?”

“you literally called beomgyu ethereal! that’s a really big word, even for me!”

hueningkai pulls you back into him, lips finding yours, “i’m sorry but i’m always going to love beomgyu-hyung more than you, babe.”

you shiver at how low his voice his gotten, and kiss him back, “mhm, the feeling’s mutual then.”

it’s only when the two of you are panting after nearly an hour in the darkness that your words come back to him. he pulls at your arm, “hey, what do you mean, the feeling’s mutual?!”

—

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eldrbraus · 1 year

Text

here we go again.

TWISTED WONDERLAND BOOK 7 CHAPTER 3 SPOILERS.

a small summary with the most important parts and not a dialogue translation. once again, dont trust me a lot on the dialogue parts as this is more of a general summary of what happened. also its a live reaction for the most part so its not exactly super coherent.

·we begin the chapter on idias room, and... ortho is calling him on his phone?

·idia is extremely confused because ortho is supposed to be with him at the nrc but apparently ortho is in the rsa...? hes a student there and its the day of the opening ceremony for both schools, huh! so apparently ortho is alive now. cool cool cool.

·this has to be a dream.

·idia is just as confused as we are honestly, it takes him a while to understand whats happening but everything seems to fall into place after a while

·oh he got a message from crimson muscle ;; they talk about games and something and basically still talk about how they are both going to an event tonight but wont connect the dots www

·they play all day until night and then idia puts on his robes and holy shit hes actually going to the ceremony himself and not by tablet lmao

·idia finds malleus on his way to the mirrors chamber and... malleus has his gao gao all grown up? even when the dragon cant technically do that, its weird. the both of them nerd a lot about the game and apparently idia and malleus have a really good relationship

·yeah this is most definitely a dream because malleus actually went to the ceremony and took the diasomnia students himself instead of lilia ww

·idia comes back to the dorm after all of that and talks with ortho again. apparently rsa is pretty similar to nrc [roomates are the same, theres dormleaders...], except people are actually nice in there www

·we switch pow to yuu/grim [yuu had the sleeping beauty vision just now, aurora was almost stung by the needle]

·they are in a different room in the ramshackle dorm? but they remember the whole thing with the overblot, unlike idia

·they are trying to get out but... apparently cant and now all the furniture is alive. what.

·if this is yuus dream im going to ask myself what the fuck was yuu smoking before they fell asleep honestly

·oh grim ate... something? [grim stop eating random shit i beg of you] and became a gigant but came back to normal after a little while

·yuu says that all of this made them remember what mickey said and... mickey appears ww [a friend told me that the music when mickey appears is... kingdom hearts music? no idea i didnt play the game]

·apparently yuu and grim are on mickeys... dream? dimension? no idea

·they all talk about a little bit of everything, about how yuu is trying to go back to their world, and apparently mickey doesnt have/uses magic so he also has no idea why the room is alive rn. ok great.

·mickey says that he only goes to that world when hes asleep, and now yuu is worried about that because if this is a dream... where the fuck is their body? in diasomnia still?

·a phone rings? and mickey disappears because hes waking up :(

·a lot of blot appears and theres like... a new type of monster and this mf has 50k HP help

·grim is slowly getting out of magic and wants to protect yuu but he cant, poor kitty

·holy shit silver appeared and rescued yuu and grim with... his UM! it got revealed! the name is “Meet in a dream”

·we switch pow to... ortho! who apparently is sleeping in his body BUT hes also on the internet because his consciousness is not tied up to his body ww. we kinda predicted this one

·ortho is trying to wake idia using all the devices on his room but nothing works. he goes around the island and everything is dark, full of thorns and blot and everyone, even the animals, are asleep :(

·apparently even time has stopped??? malleus is op as fuck, even ortho is worried about that

·he tries to contact STYX of course but all communications are just cut off from the exterior... my poor son is all alone

·he says something about an... anthena???? that hes gonna use to get into STYX... internet ig??? lmao something like that. he uses that to go to STYX via the internet apparently ww

·aand we switch pov to STYX where a man with a helmet is kind of nervous, with all the personel. so they do know about the whole thing already, huh

·holy shit they are saying everyone might be dead lmao. so negative-

·oh wait another character appeared, this time a woman with a helmet saying that they musnt lose hope just yet. im betting my everything they are idias parents.

·YUP. THEY ARE. damn the mom is a catgirl ww

·its a shame their heads are covered up

·ortho arrived! [its a call, ortho is not physically on STYX] god this is so cute we get a lot of famiy talk, the mom was so worried about both shroud brothers ;;

·ortho explains everything and something something, apparently the parents said that they should wait for malleus magic to run out but then they remembered that fae get their power from the nature so malleus magic could last forever and it could even EXPAND EVEN MORE. shit.

·they want to contact Briar Valley! cool, lets see those fae folk.

·ortho says “nam fam i got this” and that his parents need to make him new gear, and the mom refuses dsfkjbnsdjfknd she says its too dangerous but ortho said he would take the cerberus with him if they dont do it. bitch if that was my mother i would be SO grounded. the mom agrees after ortho disappears but shes that she will remember this ww

·some time pases and the gear is ready so ortho comes back and the mom yells at him that he shouldnt have hang up the call because you cant hung up your mom like that WWWW.

·the mom told ortho to not tell idia about the fact that she can get into idias pc anytime she wants [because she used that to get the new ortho gear blueprint], but he tells her that idia will know the moment ortho appears in front of him with his gear WWWWWWWWWW why are they so funny help

·orthos mind gets into the gear and hes now physically in STYX on his new body... aww the shroud hug and the parents tell him that both of the shroud brothers are their children even if ortho is an android and to be careful im going to fucking cry.

·we are back to silver/yuu/grim pov and after silver helped them, they are just... fucking falling down from the sky what the fuck

·silver made an spell so they fall to the ground without dying ww

·they are in diasomnia now, and silver says that this is all a dream but that he doesnt know whos person is. apparently he has seen mickey before on his dreams, which he finds weird because his UM can only make him go to the dreams of people he knows

·smth smth about exams, not really important

·silver comments how he cant choose the dream hes going to end up in, but that he can find out because a bird (?) flies next to the host of the dream, and... soon they find sebek with a bird (?) so this is sebeks dream

·silver is taken by sebek to a party they are doing because lilia and malleus finally choose where are they going in their fourth year...? grim asks if this is the farewell party for lilia again, because of the whole “he doesnt have magic now” and sebek is super offended that grim thinks lilia doesnt have magic now WWWWW

·malleus is going to do his fourth year to the country of heroes (?) and lilia to the country of the crimson dragon, silver asks lilia if he would go back to their house once his fourth year is done and lilia says of course because thats his home ;;

·silver cant take it anymore and said that this is all a farce, a dream... and that he would like for lilia to go back to this house with him but he doubts lilia will be alive by then holy shit silver ;;;;;

·he tells sebek to remember everything and that this is not reality but no one listens to him. he keeps going on this and malleus completely loses it uh

·he screams that he knows the three of them are awake and that they shouldnt try and ruin (?) the dreams and

·sebek goes to defend malleus and challenges silver to a fight! nooooooo my son ;;

·while they fight sebek begins to remember everything and finally sees malleus overblot so he stops

·the four of them wake up and fight overblot malleus once again, but once again they lose and... silver asks the three of them to hold his hand (sebek complained about it but did it anyways), screen goes black

·apparently malleus tried to make them sleep more deeply so they wouldnt wake up this time, and its working because silver is having a hard time trying to use his magic... but the ring that lilia gave him is shining in the dark! so he follows that and

·the four of them appear in a forest... wait its the sleeping beauty forest! so this has to be briar valley!

·suddenly soldiers appear, with masks... they are 100% fae because they are talking in a language only sebek understands ww

·PAST LILIA APPEARED IT HAS TO BE HIM BECAUSE HE IS SMOL AND HAS THE RED-BLACK HAIR HELP [he has a mask so we cant see his face!]

·he told them “shut up, humans” so mean.... its confirmed that they are on lilias dream...

and the fucking chapter ends. HELP. how am i supposed to wait months for more this was so shorttttt ;;

and lilia looked so good in that outfit FUCKKK I NEED MORE.

#twisted wonderland #twst book 7 spoilers

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iris-is-silly · 6 months

Text

To be honest I’ll never actually post anything besides this on here and it will probably be a depressing post.

I hate my life. I’m losing a good reason to wake up every time I get up. It’s to the point where waking up and staying awake is a chore and would just love to bedrot. I’ve written suicide notes on suicide notes and I’ve written one for everyone. I’ve even written a poem and some stories.

I love my friends and my cats but thats all anymore. Even then I still struggle with my friends. I hate talking or trying to start a conversation now and most of my messages feel like they are hitting brick walls.

I hate my body. God is my body disgusting. I feel like throwing up looking in the mirror. I can’t go anywhere without covering up my body. If I’m seen without a hoodie I scurry like a rat till I feel safe.

I hate the stress. I’ve been degraded my whole life. Whether it be in elementary for doing nothing and being the odd one out for being neuro-divergent, To being bullied and degraded by my own mom and dad. Im able to drive and the elementary high school bullying went to being attacked, SA’d, talked about everywhere and being hate crimed. All of these things because what.? Im different from you all.? That justifies your need to attack me and shit talk every one of my uncontrollable insecurities day by day.? Well guess what assholes you are winning.

I hate living. I’ve never had a break. No matter how hard I work. No matter how hard I try. No matter what every single break ends up being dragged into a worse and worse event. “Let’s go to the amusement park” Friend attempts suicide. “Let’s go to vegas get a break take out some anger.” Dog dies. “Im gonna go camping and unplug for a while.” Come back and boom I’m removed from their life and I’m the bad guy for wanting a break from life.

I struggle to stay happy. I miss being a kid. Clueless to the horrors of what was to come. Unable to understand why the kids would laugh or point at me. Blind to the hate. I miss the days where I could look around and take a deep breath and enjoy it.

I’ve lost hope. No coping methods work anymore. I sit on my blood stained mattress wondering why I just add to the stains without finishing the job. I try to find the good in the world or the stuff to make me happy but all I find is a fistful of cats and friends. Nothing makes my happy anymore.

My own family lets it happen. I love being in able to work because of how hard it is to focus. Everyone says “Take your meds” “If you just took your pills” “You wouldn’t fail if you were medicated.” Well guess what? I have been taking them. You pay no notice because you all spend that time berating me. Shoving more pills down my throat for what? A reason to blame me for your anger?

So I’ll leave this earth. No one who is part of my blood ever acts like they care anymore. I wake up to hear “Your rude asshole” For making breakfast and apologizing. I get beat for cooking my dad and brother a steak I saved up for so they can be happy. I get publicly shamed because I was sick and refused to eat. I am the bad guy in every situation and when Im not, Im attacked, Degraded, Left to rot.

If you want me to take them, I’ll take them all. I wish crying myself to sleep at night at-least was a good enough cry for help. Its not. They slow painful feel as my body aches dragging my almost dead limp appendages across the floor to rest just to be called to do more work. They hear me cry. They see how much pain I’m in. They know my condition.

Maybe this is a cry for help. On a day where maybe I’m not always thinking about killing myself something changes that. I wish just once that I may be free from this cycle of constant negativity, But it will always go un-answered.

When I’m gone and days quieter look for me in the fields. I will be sitting besides you although you may not know I’ll be there holding your hand.

Im sorry for wasting your time. You may hate me and this stupid rant. But its no different you just join the common mass. I left a-lot of details out to protect and so my classmates or friends don’t report me to the school. If you know me and you see this. Keep quiet.

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imsogayyippee · 3 months

Note

favorite lyric from each mcr album?

oh that's. pretty hard to decide hold on

long ass post sooo ↓

so from bullets, some lines i really like are:

"and you must keep your soul like a secret in your throat" (vampires will never hurt you)

"Oh, how wrong we were to think that immortality meant never dying" (our lady of sorrows)

"with ice cold hands and grabs a hold of your heart/that's if you've still got one that's left inside that cave you call a chest" (skylines and turnstiles)

"i'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets" (demolition lovers)

"And after all the things we put each other through and/I would drive on to the end with you/a liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full and/I feel like there's nothing left to do/But prove myself to you and we'll keep it running" (demolition lovers)

"All we are, all we are/Is bullets, I mean this" (demolition lovers)

"As lead rains will pass on through our phantoms/Forever, forever/Like scarecrows that fuel this flame we're burning/Forever and ever/Know how much I want to show you you're the only one/Like a bed of roses, there's a dozen reasons in this gun" (demolition lovers)

from three cheers for sweet revenge:

"Can you hear me?/Are you near me?/Can we pretend to leave and then/We'll meet again/When both our cars collide" (helena)

"well, don't I look pretty walking down the street in the best damn dress I own?" (give 'em hell, kid)

"pain in my heart for your dying wish/I'll kiss your lips again, yeah" (you know what they do to guys like us in prison)

"pull the plug, but i'd like to learn your name/when holding on/oh, i hope you do the same" (the jetset life is gonna kill you)

"Preach all you want, but who's gonna save me?/I keep a gun in the book you gave me" (thank you for the venom)

"Don't stop if I fall and don't look back/Oh, baby, don't stop/Bury me and fade to black" (hang 'em high)

"when you go, just know that I will remember you/if living was the hardest part/we'll then one day be together/and in the end we'll fall apart/just like the leaves change in colors" (it's not a fashion statement, it's a fucking deathwish)

"And we'll love again, we'll laugh again, we'll cry again, and we'll dance again!/and it's better off this way, so much better off this way/I can't clean the blood off the sheets in my bed!/and never again, and never again/they gave us two shots to the back of the head/and we're all dead now" (i never told you what i do for a living)

from the black parade:

"you might wake up and notice you're someone you're not/if you look in the mirror and don't like what you see/you can find out first hand what it's like to be me" (the end.)

"and would you even turn to say i don't love you like i did yesterday" (i don't love you)

"tell me i'm an angel/take this to my grave/tell me i'm a bad man/kick me like a stray" (house of wolves)

"You should have raised a babygirl/I should have been a better son" (mama)

"and if you would call me your sweetheart/i'd maybe then sing you a song/but there's shit that i've done with this fuck of a gun/you would cry out your eyes all along" (mama)

"so shut your eyes/kiss me goodbye/and sleep/just sleep/the hardest part's the awful things that i've seen" (sleep)

"na, na, na, na, na, na, na (let's blow an artery) /na, na, na, na, na, na, na (get plastic surgery) /na, na, na, na, na, na, na /keep your apology, give us more detonation" (na na na)

"coming out of this place in a bullet's embrace" (bulletproof heart)

"are we still having fun?/are you holding the gun?" (planetary (GO!))

"they laugh, we don't think it's funny/if what you are is just what you own/what have you become when they take from you/almost everything?" (DESTROYA)

there's probably more but it's late and ive been writing this for like an hour LMAOOO im sorry 4 not answering before

#my chemical romance #mcr #i brought you my bullets you brought me your love #three cheers for sweet revenge #the black parade #danger days: the true lives of the fabulous killjoys #asks

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wisdominfumbling · 1 month

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The importance of listening to your body.

Have you ever just looked in the mirror and you cant really point out exclactly what is it that makes you feel off?

Then the next step is realizing is not just one thing and its a couple.

Then you realize you're bloated (or fat), your hair is dry and ugly and suddently your pores grew times two! It makes me furious but i never had a real answer to it, I just always do what a true good woman would do.. blame everyting on my period.

But my girlies I have been wrong. Truth is, my body has been rejecting certain situations, stress related. My ex to be precise. Oh I would have never imagined that but it is true, specially with my last one.

It all started when I would see him sporadically at hangouts, all good and then the next day I would wake up with a new pimple or dry patches, weird but I never thought anything of it, i would just say it was the effect of a bad sleep night or the alcohol. But later on, when we started going out on dates and making out.. I started noticing it more and more, but I was also going through a thing with my dad so I let myself believe it was cause of my daddy. Turns out I moved out from my dads house and my pimples and now super dry patches were still up and running. But I still thought noting of it, I always tell myself that if I stress more because of things like that, the more theyre gonna appear on my face.

After the whole mess happened (im explaining it on a different entry) and there was no stress (or so i thought) my skin started to get better, every day I had less and less pimples and dry patches. But it was my mommy that brought it up and it made a whole lot of sense.

The issue is that to this day I still stress and worry about it so my skin has not been able to re incorporate to the usual program, I believe as soon as I get 100% over it, my skin will be beautiful again. Im working on it so just wait until the end of May.

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wearequeer-andwearehere · 2 years

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Okay... SO- I started to question my gender recently because of this one singer/actor who's very obviously masc (except for recently when he started dressing a bit femme but he still looks masc) and I've always wanted to have hair and eyes like his but recently I've also wanted his (again, masc) voice and facial structure. And like... I've used he/him pronouns before, but I always told myself that it's because I want to help trans and nb people by doing my part in normalising using different pronouns, not because I AM trans/nb. And like... I prefer loose clothes and short hair, but I always told myself it's because I'm queer and want to look queer. Anyways sorry for rambling

Don’t apologise. I’m hear to listen and help.

First off, it seems like you gotta unlearn some shit. Being trans is okay. Drill that into your head. Being trans is completely okay. And it’s okay if you’re trans. That is a possibility. You need to grasp that concept, I think. Being trans isn’t only for other people, for characters and friends and some far away distant thing, it is close and real and you can grasp it. You can be trans.

And I think you’re focusing more on finding something definitive. You’ve gone through all this uncertainty and now you want something solid. But it’s gonna take a while. In the mean time learn to live with it. You don’t know who you are, and that’s okay.

In the mean time, stop asking yourself “what gender am I?” and start asking “what makes me happy?”

What makes you happy?

Does they/them or he/him make you happy? Use it! Does masculinity make you happy? Be masculine! Do lose clothes make you happy? Wear lose clothes!

Be HAPPY!! That is all that matters!! Use the pronouns that make you happy dress in a way that makes you happy be the gender that makes you happy and everything will fall into place, or maybe it won’t, and that’s okay too bc being urself and being happy is what matters.

Added disclaimer of course, make sure to be safe, if you are in a transphobic area or depend on transphobes for financial support etc.

But like…you can be a dude if you want to, you know? Like that’s a thing you can just Do. You can legit jsut go what’s up, I’m a guy, and BAM!!

You can try it out for a bit, if you like. Genders are like. Comfy sweaters!! Try on different ones for a few days or so and see how you feel til you find one that’s comfy and fits.

Wake up brush your teeth look in the mirror say “Im a dude” and just. Don’t panick about it don’t overthink it just live with it, feel it in the back of your mind as you go to school do chores laugh with friends. See how it feels.

You can hold your heart in your fist or you can be afraid. Transness is not foreign, it is real and close to you as the soil beneath your feet and the blood in your veins. You can be trans, and if you are, that’s completely okay. Try it out. Be happy. Do what brings you joy, and everything will fall into place. You could be a masc or gnc woman or nonbinary, or you could be a dude. It’s okay whatever happens. Be happy.

#ask #coffeelovinggayidiot #helping out a questioning person

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