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hajihiko · 2 years

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Ive been wondering. Did Hajime and Izuru finally fuse at the end, or is it still somewhat Hajime, and Izuru is just rolling around in his head drinking tea like a high class individual?

I think it's never totally explained, only that somehow neither Izuru nor Hajime is gone. But here's my own (long) take on the whole shebang;

Mind you, this is just how I like to interpret things, for my own reasons! Not dissing anyone else's takes, and my only reason is "this resonates a lot with me". Also it's just my general take, maybe other people have opinions and maybe it depends on AUs and such. I implore you to remember that this is just how I like to look at the topic through my own lens.

Basically, when I'm drawing Hajime or Izuru or HajiZuru, it's Oops! All Hajime.

Hajime at the earliest that we see: student, crippling self esteem and inferiority issues, pretty brash but smart and friendly. Signs up for the Project.

Hajime (Izuru) in and after the project: No emotions, no personality, no memories. This stuff makes up a person, so he *is* effectively a different one, but it's still a Hajime. Just, one that has been completely crushed and is behaving purely on auto-logic, with no past references to go off of. The identity of Izuru Kamukura was thrust upon him, and he never really had any opinions on who he was (or, anything really).

Hajime (HajiZuru) post-game and onwards: both of those guys' memories, which are his memories, because he never really stopped being himself in the flesh. He's not the same as Hajime 1, because who could possibly be the same after that experience, but he's also not like Some Other Guy. He's the same but different, like you are the same person you were 10 but also probably fundamentally different

Like, I think of it less as different personalities in a literal sense, and more like "you're not really you when you lack everything that makes you you, and going through that much trauma changes you without removing you from yourself". Does that make sense?

To me, Izuru isn't a separate person or personality, just the complete lack of a personality in a person that's gotten their brain fucked with. They doesn't feel strongly about anything including themself and their identity, and I think someone mentioned that they use a phrase "I am called Izuru" rather than 'I am'. The lack of anything that makes up their person is what renders them almost unrecognizable from someone who was feisty and strong-minded and had some real wants and fears.

Sort of like, and maybe someone can relate, being intensely and I mean intensely depressed, traumatized and then amnesia on top of it all.

The way things have been explained to me (by a few therapists and a year of psychology, not that I'm saying I'm an expert just that it's a common way to look at it) is that, the brain makes these little pathways to have an easier time reacting to stuff. These pathways can be really fucking difficult to get out of when they're deep enough, and they tend to get deep when it feels like a matter of life and death or when they serve as a defense.

One of these pathways might be Shutting Out Emotion. Feeling feelings hasn't helped in the past, just made things worse, and Not Feeling was better than being miserable all the time, so there ya go. The tricky part is that shutting out every single emotion includes stuff like, want and need and hope (hehe) and dislike. It's hard to get out of this rut when you don't- can't- want to.

Izuru to me is what happens when a person breaks completely and the brain shuts it all away for protection because it can't deal. Being upset, in pain, angry, etc was Not Helping Hajime's situation so it all got filed away, but it's hard to shut out only certain parts, so the whole entire emotions thing got chucked out (with the help of surgeries). Brain enters complete depression mode of Nothing Feels Like Anything. And when things stop hurting, the brain is like OKAY GREAT WE DID IT. And like, it sort of did; the brain is not in constant distress anymore, so it does work as emergency protection (which is what the brain likes to do under so much duress). Also, again, surgery speedrun.

Hajime in the game gets a brain-altering kick out of this rut, that he wouldn't have managed on his own. His Big Moment was the choice to not fall into that brainpath again, even though it might be easier and more convenient (tying into my take on the theme of the ending which is to face hardships and not take the easy road out of fear or desperation or apathy). He gets back enough of memory, feeling and sensation to understand that he does want to be himself fully, warts and all, and now he can work on carving out brainpaths that let him have feelings and be himself as he chooses to be.

The idea that Want is an emotion is pretty big to me. Someone with absolutely no want, like Izuru, wouldn't really want to change, but not really want to stay the same, anyway. Doesn't want to be alive, but doesn't want to be anything else either; total apathy, which sounds like hell, except you can't really feel bad about it either. Hajime wanting to protect his friends from an impossible choice and not wanting to disappear was a deciding factor.

So, to answer the actual question lmao, in my opinion they can't really fuse since they were never different people to begin with, and they aren't separate either. It's just one guy who goes from being a normal insecure person, to having no memory or feeling, to regaining his memories and choosing to take on the mess that is The Human Condition. Izuru is just a name someone slapped on a boy that had his brain broken.

I also think that there is a danger in Hajime ever falling back into that deep deep brainpath that he was in when he was effectively Izuru. If he embraced that emotionless but admittedly incredibly convenient way of being, it would be hard to get back to wanting to get out. With time, he might have carved out an even deeper brainpath that he decided on himself, and doesn't need to worry about snapping into an emotionless fog again. Ideal ending!

(Personal [feel free to skip]: the reason I'm really About this whole narrative is because I'm currently in the stage of carving out Emotion Brainpaths myself. No forced surgery or superpowers included (I wouldnt mind the latter), but I've been in a place where feelings were so shut out there was no Want for eating or moving or breathing, no sense of right and wrong beyond objective knowledge, and lot of reckless behaviour just to see if it did anything. I'm better now though! And that's why I'm so emo about my own take on this whole narrative.)

That was a long fucking read gold star if you made it ☆

#Not an art #Talky talky #Talky talky Tuesday #Oh boy it very long reader beware. Also a bit personal

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strozzaprete · 3 months

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hi. i feel so awfully bad and i need somewhere to vent and im so sorry to do it here but i need someone to just. tell me what to do or how to feel. this is pathetic and i apologize and you can always just dismiss this ask. sorry.

but, see, i'm in high school (already inherently bad) and i have no friends but my boyfriend. he is really an amazing dude and i know i shouldn't send this to quote unquote misandrist blogs but whatever. he is truly fantastical, somehow.

as i said, i have no friends, and it's been that way for... a good while, aka years. i've been bullied a considerable amount and my mind itself is not the prettiest landscape. i am frequently alone, constantly lonely, and rarely happy. my only relieves are my family (sometimes, not even always because it can be a very toxic environment too) and my aforementioned boyfriend.

he has helped all the way through my eating disorder and all other troubles - i don't self diagnose, but, just so you can get an idea, the BPD and depression type. we see each other every day at school. he is the only person i know i can always count on. the two only other people i sometimes talk with and laugh with, both girls ive known forever (been at this school since kinder), are often pretty mean and have no problem ignoring me when they want to. my boyfriend never does that. never has.

but now he is changing schools too because he also is having a shitty time without much friends. and i cannot change schools because of budget. but i simply don't know what to do without him every day in my life. i dont know who'll help me when ive been so down i cannot listen at all in class and cannot understand the work. i dont know who i'll sit with. i don't know how i'll have lunch all alone and feel this invading me again. he had helped me be calm so many many many times and now it's so gone and i'll be without anyone once more and i've been proven right that everyone ends up leaving me. he'll have a better life than me and i'll stay in this cursed place imprisoned while he is out meeting people so much better than me in all aspects. he swears by his mother he'll keep in contact and not fall for anyone else but how am i supposed to believe that when i am so inherently unloveable? why wasn't i enough for him to not leave? why does he leave when he can still hang out with me? why can i be able to endure having no friends, but he can't?

there's no way to convince him to stay, and i don't want to go around begging him and, even worse, affect his academic future, given he is going to a "better" school.

i'm so sorry. i send this to u because everyone else here on radblr is like. 30. and that'd be uncomfortable for both.

please remember u can just delete this. god. sorry again

i know this feels like the end of the world right now but it'll pass. i've even graduated postgrad now but i haven't finished high school that long ago really, and for the first couple of years it was basically the same for me – minus the boyfriend lmao. i know it sucks. teenagers were fucking horrible in my time so i can't even imagine what they're like in 2024. i am so sorry you're in this rut right now but remember that even if it feels so far away high school will eventually finish! it'll be so liberating, and it'll be easier to find people you actually want to spend time with, especially if you continue your studies.

it pains me that you're putting so much importance on a single person who is not you. the only piece of advice i can really give you is to try to get to know yourself a bit more, and get to the root of your discomfort – you're not inherently unlovable, your life experience might have lead you to integrate that into your belief system because it's a normal reaction to the bullying. i know it's easy to say and hard to do but you must learn how to be comfortable with yourself because at the end of the day you're the person you're going to spend your entire life with. your personality will shine through and the people who are right for you will eventually find you. (fuck those mean "friends"! you deserve better)

you're young so i know everything is so intense for you right now, and i understand, honestly i usually don't respond to anons like these cause idk if i'm equipped to give real advice, but really i was an infamously shy weirdo loner and everything gradually got so much better towards and after the end of high school and now i'm literally unrecognizable lmao while the "cool" people in my class stayed the same... and they were only really "cool" in high school. this entire post sounds like a cliché i know lmao but it all changed once i realized that these people ain't shit... but i am lmao. because i slowly got to know myself, figured out what i liked doing more than anything else (listen to music), and specifically because i told myself so. i started standing up for myself against some things that i wasn't okay with, like bullying (and for a considerable amount of times i was bullied by teachers lmao). and i wasn't always successful but it helped build my character in the long run. i also stopped reacting to stuff that was going wrong by being self-deprecating or making suicidal jokes, even if they were just in my head, and replacing them with some flavor of "i can't wait for this moment to pass/high school to finish". it sounds stupid but it really works. and it gives you something to look forward to. i really wish you the best

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gurugirl · 2 years

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The Forbidden Part IV*

Summary: Harry is your stepbrother and from the first moment you two met there’s been an intense attraction that you’ve been unable to deny. But life and outside opinion can get in the way of you and Harry ever really being able to be happy together in the way you both want.

Pairing: artist!reader + musician!harry (stepbrother!Harry)

A/N & Warnings: this will be a multi part short series (short for me). This is stepbrother!harry and reader mc so if you aren’t into that this series won’t be for you. Warnings include smut, lots of angst, mentions of drug use and inebriation by alcohol, cheating, choking, unprotected sex, gooey expression of emotions type of shit, NSFW, 18+ only (comprehensive list for all parts - I may add to this in the future) 5.6k words

Part 3*

Part IV* Since the First Night We Met

3 years later

It’s absolutely insane for you to be doing what you’re doing right now. Harry has you locked in the bathroom at the restaurant you’re both dining at with your parents.

You got up to use the bathroom and cool down a bit. You were feeling nervous because you and Harry had planned to tell your parents that you were a couple and planned on staying together no matter what they said and you were both going to do it after the dinner was done.

But then Harry came in after you and now he’s got you pinned against the sink counter, his hips rutting into you where you can feel he’s hard under his pants. His got a hand under your dress, squeezing at your ass and the other is holding you by the throat keeping you close to him.

You push at him to lean back so you can speak, “Harry, we can’t do this right now. Not here!” He disregards your words and presses his lips right back over yours and then applies more pressure at the sides of your neck.

Harry makes you dizzy. He’s always so forceful with you but you like it. A lot. You always have. Now you and Harry have been together for three years and it’s time to finally time come clean to your parents.

You and Harry just want to be open with everyone. Your friends know already but now you’re ready for more. You want to live together. You practically already do. Well, Harry will be moving into your apartment next month so if you don’t tell your parents now, they’d figure it out one way or another when they come to visit you at home. It’s best to just tell them.

Harry undoes his belt and pants and lowers his jeans. He pulls your panties to the side, “Knew you’d be soaked for me already. So desperate for brother’s cock like always.” He chuckles.

You moaned as Harry pulled his heavy cock from his briefs and lines himself up to you. You have already resigned yourself to this. Harry doesn’t stop when he’s made up his mind. He’s going to fuck you and you’re going to let him.

“What’s that? Whining for me, sis? Wanna come on my cock? Cream all over your brother’s dick while I come inside of that desperate pussy?”

He pushes in and it’s over. You’re gone. He’s so good, knows your body so well, knows just what you like that makes you come over and over again. He’s been fucking you for years and you’ve had sex in public bathrooms a dozen times. Harry likes to have you wherever and whenever he wants and you let him have you. Because you like what he does and you want it.

Harry’s thrusts are long and deep and he presses into you in a pace that works perfectly for how you’re angled against the sink counter. You’re both pretty much pros at this so it works well and you’re going to get off like this pretty quickly.

“God I need you. Feel so thick. Look.” You speak to Harry as he fucks you. You direct your gaze to where he’s stuffing your cunt and how his cock is stretching your soft flesh around him.

“Mmm, stretching your cunt with my cock, sis. That fertile pussy is just begging for my come.”

He leans in to kiss you and continues rocking into you. And it doesn’t take long after he moves his lips down to your neck and stuffs his fingers into you mouth while you rub your clit for you to begin to quiver and throb with your orgasm spreading over your body.

Harry slips his fingers deeper into your mouth, causing you to gag a little and to keep you quiet as he begins to come with you, pouring himself into you in relief.

“Fuck, babe. You always squeeze the shit out of my cock.” He laughs as he pulls out and reaches for the hand towels to help wipe you up a little.

You adjust your clothes and wipe your face and smooth your hair as Harry takes care of his own appearance.

You leave the bathroom quickly and get back to your parents.

“You okay, hun? Took you a while. Harry’s been gone a bit too.” Anne asks you.

You raise your brows and smile, “Yeah, I’m fine! Sorry. Didn’t mean to take too long.” You looked at your dad and he was assessing your words, you could tell.

Your dad hasn’t forgotten about what he saw all those years ago. In fact he has a hunch (that he’s kept to himself) that you’re fooling around still.

Then, Harry arrived at the table just as the waiter began setting everyone’s plates down for everyone.

Eating dinner felt painful. You were not hungry. Your nerves were a wreck. Your tummy bubbled in worry. Harry wasn’t as nervous as you but he was feeling anxious to get it over with.

Conversation flowed nicely, thanks to Anne. When plates were cleared and your dad was getting the check (he insisted on paying) Harry tapped his fingers in the table and cleared his throat. That was the signal. He was about to speak up. Like you’d planned, he grabbed your hand before speaking and both your dad and Anne looked between you two in confusion.

“We wanted to tell you both something tonight. Please let us speak and then you can say what you need. Okay?”

Harry was looking directly at your dad who was beginning to get red in the face. He knew what was coming. He’d known deep in his guts this was going on.

Harry looked to you and gave you the sweetest, softest smile he’d ever given you and it nearly had you in tears. He lifted his head back up to look at his mom and then your dad.

“I’m in love with your daughter. She’s in love with me.”

Your dad begins to stand up but you put your hand out, “Dad, please stop. Please listen.”

Anne is also holding on to you dad, anchoring him in place. He looks down at Anne and softens and sits back down.

“I’m only going sit through this because of her,” he points to his wife, “and when you’re both done relieving yourselves of the burden of years and years worth of lies and guilt we are leaving here and I don’t want to hear from either of you for a long time.”

Anne gasps and looks at Harry with worried eyes.

“Fair enough.” Harry speaks calmly as he squeezes your hand.

Everyone sits looking at one another for a few moments and then Harry resumes, “We have been together since the first night we met, essentially. I fell in love with her quickly and I’ve never felt like this about anyone.”

Harry paused briefly, taking a needed breath, “We know this isn’t a good look. People don’t like the idea of stepbrother and stepsister, and we get it. But the truth of it is… is that we met as adults, not as children who grew up together as brother and sister.”

You decided to speak up to give Harry a little break, “It’s true. We’ve never even thought of one another as a sibling. We fell for one another fast. I’m sorry that it happened this way but that’s it. We didn’t want to lie to you anymore.”

You can tell your dad is barely listening and Anne has tears in her eyes. This went just about how you thought it would.

You look at Harry and he gives you another one of those smiles that means everything to you and then he looks back up to your dad and Anne.

“I’m going to be moving in with her in the next couple of weeks. We can’t keep paying rent at two places when we’re pretty much together all the time.”

Anne’s eyes go wide and she lets out the smallest breath, maybe in shock of the implications of what Harry’s saying. It means you two go to bed together every night. Your dad cringes and closes his eyes. You are going to lecture Harry later about this approach because he certainly could have been more tactful, or just left it at the first sentence. The second sentence was totally unnecessary.

“We also want to start a family in the next couple of years, maybe even sooner. We would hope that by time we are all past this issue and you two could be active grandparents.”

You reach across your lap and grasp Harry’s forearm, to indicate I want to speak.

“Obviously all of this is something we can think about at another time. But I think Harry wants to make it clear that he wants everyone to find conclusion.”

Anne raises her hand and leans forward, “S’it okay if I speak?” Harry nods at the same time you say yes.

“For, what, three years now? How have I not seen it?!” She raised her voice at the end of her sentence, as she was starting to feel emotional.

“Yes, three years now.” You spoke your answer easily, calmly. You’d been ready for these questions. You and Harry practiced what you would say and what they might ask. That was an easy one.

“But how did we not know?” She gestures between herself and her husband. “And you’re so serious that you’re moving in together?”

Harry took the floor this time, “Well, it was just you that didn’t know, Mum. He knew.” Harry ticked his chin upward in your dad’s direction.

And, as you’d expected, this is the conversation ender. Anne wants a word with your dad for keeping this a secret, and now your dad is really fuming for Harry outing him before he got a chance to explain himself. Everyone gets up to leave at the same time.

Harry did it on purpose though. It was a way to get some of the heat off you and Harry and maybe Anne would be the voice of reason in the end. Because we knew she’d be upset that her husband kept such a secret from her.

You and Harry hadn't heard from your dad or Anne for some time.

Harry moved in with you a few weeks ago and you'd really hoped to have heard from either your dad or Anne by now. But you knew it would take time.

When you both told your friends about your relationship, there were a lot of questions at first. A lot of doubts, some concerns, and opinions were thrown about, but in the end, each and every one of your friends had come around to the idea of you and Harry being together and the longer they'd known about it the less weird it seemed.

Tonight Harry was playing at a larger venue with his band, there were a few hundred people here tonight and even though Harry and his band weren't the headliners, people did come for his band. He had become popular and now he even had fan pages and accounts dedicated to him and his band.

You tried not reading about the things people had said about Harry specifically. There were comments about his sexuality, about who he was seeing romantically (most of the public didn't know you and Harry were together), about how they'd give anything to touch him, etc., etc. Harry is an attractive man and he's a musician so this was not something you were terribly surprised by overall, you just couldn't stand reading some of the things about him.

Around a year ago a girl posted on her Instagram about meeting Harry at an LA show and him taking her back to his hotel room for the night (he never takes a hotel room while he's in LA since he lives here, her first obvious mistake that very few people noticed). She posted that she was at a concert of his and then afterward was when they met. She took pictures from the crowd and posted them to her Instagram page as proof. The thing was that you were at the concert that night and after the concert you and Harry went out with the band for some drinks and then later went back to your apartment where he ate you you and then fucked you while he wrapped his hands around your throat.

The girl was probably in the crowd that night based on the pictures she got, but she most certainly didn't hook up with Harry. However, the responses she got made her quite famous on Instagram and the story still goes around today about how Harry took a girl back to his hotel room after a show. So now there are a lot of girls out there thinking they'll get their shot with him. You notice it more and more too. The girls all crowd at the front and try to get Harry's attention while he sings. They wait around after shows and bombard him, looking to get an autograph and a hug. It's usually pretty innocent but there have been some pretty bold advances.

When the second song was done, the lights went low on the stage as Harry switched out his electric guitar for an acoustic and sat down on a stool at the center. The band started up with something gentle, strings, light taps on the cymbals, then Harry spoke into the mic and looked at you in the crowd (he knew where you were - he always spotted you fast and would look directly at you for much of his set), "This song was written about a year and a half ago for my girlfriend, who's here tonight. She hasn't heard this song yet, nor does she know about it at all, well, except now she does,” he laughs, “This one's for you, babe."

The way in which half of the crowd turned to look toward where Harry was looking was almost comical. You tried to remain stoic so no one could tell it was you, you were a little worried about the treatment you'd get once they realized who the girlfriend was, and since most of these people didn't even know he had a girlfriend in the first place there would be some disappointed girls here tonight.

Harry began singing into the microphone, the melody was slow and sweet and Harry's raspy voice carried the whole song. It was light on instruments, mostly consisting of Harry's vocals. Sarah chimed in a few times with a back up bit and you were stunned.

You hadn't expected this. Harry and his band would often practice and write together through the week and this was probably something they'd been cooking up for a while.

You put your hands over your mouth as you watched and listened. It was almost too much. You started to tear up a bit. You noticed that by the end of the song there were plenty of girls looking directly at you. As much as you tried to hide your emotions so as not to get noticed you couldn't help it.

Harry was a romantic and he was sensitive and emotional. He was tearing up himself by the time the song was over and he strummed the last note, looking right at you.

"I love you." He stood up and switched back to his electric guitar as the band got ready for their next song. A girl made her way to you, you saw her coming, her eyes on you. She had long dark hair, was tall, and slim. She had a strange smile on her face and you just wanted to get out of there. You didn't want any confrontation.

"Hey!" She spoke up once she was about fifteen feet away. You locked eyes with her and smiled, hoping against hope that this would be a nice encounter. You honestly hadn't had a lot of experience with this but you were nervous nontheless.

"You the chick with Harry?" She stood before you, her short, tight dress showing off her long legs.

You nod, "Yep." You give her a smile and keep your comment short.

"Yeah, well, thought you should know he slept with one of my friends a couple months ago at an LA show he did." She laughs and then points to the stage before continuing, "No one knew he had a girlfriend. He never talks about you." She had a pleased smile on her face.

You roll your eyes and cross your arms over your chest, "Yeah? He doesn't like talking about it because it's not anyone's business. And I go to all of Harry's shows and he always leaves with me, so your dear friend has lied to you. Sorry. She isn't the first one to make up such a desperate lie."

The girl scoffs and turns back to the stage. Harry is looking in your direction, but he doesn't miss a beat with the song.

"Honey, he's playing you. He sleeps around. I've heard things."

"Do you believe everything you hear? That seems like a tactic that could easily have you led astray. Don't be so gullible." You laugh and try to focus your attention back on Harry. This girl is a joke.

"Are you gullible? How are there so many stories of him fucking around then?" The girl gets in closer to regain your attention.

"No. I'm not. Like I said, I'm with him at every concert. After every single one he's with me and he takes me back to my apartment or his. That's all there is to it. Your friend and all the people who've said they've slept with Harry lied to you and you believed it. I'm sorry to crush your dream of having a chance with him."

You stepped away from the girl, trying to give her a hint that you were done talking but she must have been on drugs or something because she wasn't quitting.

"My friend says she has pictures to prove she was with Harry." The girl follows you.

"Have you seen them?" You raise your brows at her.

She nods, "Yeah. Pictures of them in his hotel room." She looks down at you with that strange smile she's kept on her face the whole time.

"Why would Harry need a hotel room when he lives in LA?" You ask her feigning confusion.

The girl shook her head, "Don't know. I've just seen them and it's true."

You laugh and shake your head, "Honey, you are naïve to believe rumors. Harry and I only get a hotel room when he's got a gig out of town and like I said before, I'm always with him. Can you please go bother someone else? I'm not sure what your goal is here anymore."

With that you turn and head toward the backstage area to get away from the psycho. She followed you to the door and the bouncer allowed you in because he knew you but he stopped the girl who tried entering behind you. You were thankful for the bit of security at the venue. Not all venues offered this and had this one not, that girl would have continued harassing you and would have followed you into the backstage.

You sat down on the couch and took a few breaths. This was what you didn't want. These girls could be brutal and the things you've read, the few you've allowed yourself to indulge in, were ruthless and full of made up stories about Harry. Harry was a flirt on stage, sure. He'd wink and point, wave at people in the crowd but that was his on-stage persona. After every show for the past two years you've been with Harry every single time.

You got up and poured some water for yourself and you could still hear the music being played. You were disappointed that this was where you had to sit for the remainder of the show but it was worth it to avoid anymore encounters.

After the show, Harry took you home quickly. He could tell you were upset and he knew it had something to do with that girl. She tried to approach him after the show but he could tell that she’d been aggressive with you so he brushed her off quickly.

You told Harry it was fine but he knew better than just to drop it at that. He'd worked hard to regain your trust from the first mistake he made with you all those years ago. He loved you and did everything he could to prove he'd never hurt you like that again. And you believed him.

"It's not you, Harry. It's just the idea of that being one of the first encounters with a fan of yours. She was brutal and relentless. She wanted to make me think you'd cheated on me with a friend of hers. She lied about seeing pictures even, just to get under my skin. I knew she was lying because... it doesn't matter. You've done nothing wrong. It was just upsetting to go through that. I couldn't even enjoy the show after she kept bugging me. Had to sit backstage while my boyfriend played a show. Fucking sucks."

Harry held your hand and kept you close to him. He knew this would happen. He was always approached after shows. You'd seen it over and over again as well but now that people knew he had a girlfriend, things could be even worse.

"Baby, look, we'll just try to avoid things like that. I don't know how to avoid it but I'll figure something out. Maybe we can have someone with you while your in the crowd. A friend, or even house security to check on you?"

You nodded. Who knew how this would play out, but this wasn't what you thought your first encounter would be like. Not at all.

Harry was soft and sweet to you for the rest of the night. Loving on you and touching you more often than he normally did.

When you both finally crawled into bed Harry fucked you gently, rocking into you deep and slow, telling you how much he loved you and wanted to marry you, give you his babies, grow old with you. Harry was the sweetest guy you'd ever met. Yes, he could be aggressive and forceful, but that was mostly a play for you two. He knew you liked it and it turned you both on.

But tonight was just about making you feel safe and loved. You whined at the feel of him inside of you, long, languid strokes deep into your hot center.

You both came at the same time, mostly because Harry held out until he knew you were coming. He poured into you, "Yeah? Fuck! Gonna get you pregnant, fill you up with my come and get you knocked up..." He loved saying it. He started to really get into talking about getting you pregnant during sex after you went off birth control when he moved in.

You were both 26, nearly 27 now and you felt it was a good time to get pregnant. You wanted Harry's babies and Harry wanted you to have his babies. You two were serious about one another. Despite what anyone could think of your relationship, you were simply drawn to one another and fell in love fast. He was it for you and you trusted him completely.

2 months later

You knew you were pregnant before the test told you. Harry was practicing with the band while you went out after a long session of painting, to buy pregnancy tests, sparkling wine (for Harry), sparkling grape juice (for yourself), pre-natal vitamins, and stuff to make his favorite pasta, along with two 1/2 gallons of ice cream (you couldn't decide which you wanted so you just got both).

You still hadn't heard from your dad or Anne. It'd been three months since you told them the news. You were very upset about it but you also knew they'd come around. Especially when you planned to tell them about being pregnant. You knew they'd want to be around for their grandkids one day. They would get over their preconceived notions about your taboo relationship and move on. You knew it.

At home, just as you thought, the test showed positive. Harry texted you when he was on his way home and you started making dinner, music playing around the apartment. You were so happy.

Harry came home to the smell of dinner being made and saw two empty champagne glasses next to two bottles on the counter, a sparkling wine, and he noted the Welches sparkling grape juice as well. Immediately his eyes went wide and he paused as you turned around with a huge grin.

He slowly crossed the room to you and grabbed your face, pulling you into him, a searing kiss to your lips.

"Tell me it's true? I got you knocked up?" He reached down to touch your tummy and you nodded. You both were overly dramatic and emotional, as you both could tend to be (artist types and all), tears and whimpering from all the sobbing. Harry holding you tight, blubbering words against your face and neck, his tears raining down your skin.

Dinner was amazing, you both enjoyed your separate sparkling beverages and pigged out on two kinds of ice cream while you sat together on the couch and talked about how your day was and Harry told you about his. The TV was on in the background but you both ignored it in favor of your conversation and company together.

Harry drew you a bath where you both soaked until the water grew tepid. Then he laid you on the bed and massaged your back and neck, then he lowered his hands to your thighs and bum. The massage eventually became sexy when Harry parted your cheeks with each squish of your bum as he massaged your soft flesh.

He dipped in to kiss you right on your bum hole and you jumped with a laugh. Harry kept at it, lowering his mouth to your pussy, where he ate you out from behind. He had you rub at your clit while you remained on your tummy as he lapped at your warm pussy, eating you up swallowing all of you juices.

You were extremely sensitive to his touch for the past week, which was one of the ways you knew you were pregnant. Tonight, with emotions high everything was so much more intense. You came face down into your bed and Harry flipped you over, stroking his cock before plunging into you.

"Gonna have you come on my cock again, sis." He panted as he began thrusting into you.

The way his big cock stretched you out felt so fucking good. You loved how big and heavy he was inside of you and the way he felt moving in and out of you, pressing into your soft insides, moving your walls apart at each thrust.

Harry loved how slick you got for him and the way it sounded having his cock squelch into you was hot. He loved the way your bodies moved together and sounded together during sex.

"Fuck, Harry. Your cock fills me up so good." You cried at his thrusts.

Harry didn't fuck around when he began to hasten his pace. He was desperate to come inside of you again and his orgasm was so close, knowing he was fucking you while you were pregnant with his baby was so sexy.

"Yeah? You like getting stuffed full with brother's cock every morning and every night? Like getting fucked while you're pregnant with my baby?" Harry groaned as he dipped in deep.

"Yes... I do. Yes, yes... Oooh, fuck!" He knew your spots, he knew how you liked it and his mission was to make you come fast tonight, because he was on the verge himself.

And he never failed. You lifted your hips up toward him in fast motion and you grabbed his arm to bring a hand to choke you but Harry shook his head, "No..." He slowed the rolling of his hips, looking down at you. "Don't want to hurt you, or the baby...", he slowly dragged himself in and out and back in.

"Please? You're not gonna hurt me. I've been pregnant for a bit now, Harry and you've been choking me every time we fuck, twice a day."

It was true. You and Harry were trying to get pregnant so he was fucking you morning and night. You both fucked a lot anyway as it was, but you had a schedule once you began trying to get pregnant.

Harry reluctantly put his hand over your throat and gently squeezed. He was scared to squeeze too much. He truly didn't want to hurt the baby. He knew you could handle it because he'd been fucking you and choking you for years now. But a baby? Was it okay to choke you while you were pregnant? He'd be googling this ASAP.

It took very little more for you to begin coming around his cock and that sent Harry over the edge as he squeezed just a little harder and came inside of you with a low groan.

Harry held you close that night and whispered into your ear how much he loved you and needed you. He rubbed over your tummy, even though there was no physical sign of a baby bump just yet, he knew his baby was in there.

1 month later

You and Harry both went to your dad's and Anne's house. You called beforehand and left a voicemail for your dad, and Harry for Anne, warning them you were coming over and you had news.

Anne answered the door and she drew you in for a soft hug and then did the same with Harry. Her smile told you she'd heard the voicemail and you bet she assumed what this visit was for.

She led you both to the living room where she motioned for you and Harry to sit on the couch. You held hands and stayed close. Harry kissed your temple and looked at you with eyes of longing, soft and needy. You kissed his lips quickly just as your dad walked into the living room, Anne following closely behind.

Your dad and Anne sat on the love seat to the right side of the couch and he stayed silent. You smiled at your dad when you saw him and to your relief, you saw him grant you a small smile in return.

"We won't stay long if you don't want us to. But we wanted you two to be the first to know..." Harry spoke and then he looked at you, eyebrows raised so you could take it from there if you wanted. You nodded.

"I'm pregnant. Almost, technically 9 weeks now. I took a test about 4 weeks ago and it was positive and I've seen a doctor and we're going to be having a baby before the end of the year. You two will be grandparents."

Anne immediately began crying. She got up from her seat and grasped you into her arms, pulling you up from Harry and wrapped you in her arms. She spoke quietly to you, "I'm so happy, dear. I'm so happy. I love you."

You burst into tears at that. To hear her say she loved you was healing and nourishing to your soul. You held onto her for a bit until Harry stood up and Anne hugged him too. You sat back down, your dad was still seated. His face was a mystery. You weren't sure what he was thinking but he was looking at you.

When Anne and Harry had finished their warm embrace, everyone sat back down and you looked at Harry, feeling relief. At least Anne was happy about the news and you knew if Anne was happy, your dad would come around.

You didn't stay for long after. Anne offered you water and you spoke a bit. Your dad stayed silent throughout. You weren't too surprised by your dad but you were pleased with Anne's reaction.

The following day your dad called you while you were in the middle of painting a commission piece. Normally you would have let the phone go to voicemail during a fit of inspiration but you saw the caller ID and you were quickly dropping your brush and wiping your palms down your overalls as you shakily picked up your phone.

"Hello?" You sang out, hoping you hadn't missed him because it took you a bit to get to the phone.

It was silent, but you could hear something. You knew he was on the line. You remained quiet, waiting for him to speak.

"I love you, hon. I'm glad you're doing well. I'm excited to be a grandpa." You sat down on the floor and began crying (you'd been doing that a lot more than usual) and you spoke with your dad for a few minutes, taking whatever little bits he'd give you. The call ended on a light note and you felt lighter, more complete.

You called Harry right after and he stopped rehearsal to answer your call where you told him about your dad. Harry knew he'd come around since his mom had been so open to the prospect. He told you he always knew everything would work out, that everything would be okay because you were together.

And everything would be okay because you had him and he had you. Your relationship would never be considered normal but that didn't matter to you. You'd rather have people wondering and skeptical about you and Harry than be without him. Ever since the first night you met, nothing has been the same in your life. Harry changed everything for you and there isn't anything in you that regrets how messy things got or what it took to get to this moment in your life. Every bump and every dip was going to be worth it.

That's it for The Forbidden series! Thanks for reading!

Check out my masterlist if you enjoyed this 💕

Xoxo

@victoria-styles

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@angelqueen99

@sombrioinvernoemveneza

#stepbrother harry #stepbro!harry #harry styles smut #harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles one shot #harry styles writing #forbidden relationship

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justkafka · 10 months

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I go back to working in less than a month. I swore to myself right before I left my old job that i was going to take some time for myself and really try and just zone out or relax and go places. I have no idea why i applied for that job anyway and i have an even bigger doubt with myself now on why they even chose me. I asked for a big enough salary for me to actually want to take the job even tho a huge part of me didnt really think they would give it. Now im already thinking about what im going to do once i get back to the role i just left at my old job. Why do i always put myself in such difficult positions. Everything is just so fucking frustrating. I wasnt even supposed to get a job yet. Im also terribly squeezed by my schedule as my entire family is currently here in the metro to bid farewell to my sister and nephew as they head to canada for good. Im completely lost and it feels like im still waiting for something to strike me, something that'll pull me out of this rut and into a better disposition. Ive stopped posting on my social media accounts because i didnt want to spend the months during my vacation looking at my phone. I now have the power to actually go out and enjoy myself but i just cant. Im so exhausted. The past 13 years have been so fucking stressful. Someone please put me out of my misery

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sleevesareforlosers · 1 year

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happy solstice jordan!! one thing i’m looking forward to for the new year that i’m also kind of terrified about is graduating and finally being done with school! i’m anxious about finding work but i think once i’ve got everything smoothed out and in place i’ll be really happy post-grad!

something i’m bringing forward from this year is the work i’ve put into my art, i really want to keep experimenting and pushing myself and not just letting myself get into a rut. i’ve been experiencing a lot of self-doubt this year with my art especially but i’m proud of the way i’ve been managing my time and the challenges i’ve faced so i want to bring that energy with me into 2023 :}

the weather here has been clear and sunny but pretty cold the last few days! right now it’s like 11 pm and it’s about 30 degrees F outside, so that’s like. -1C? during the day it’s more like 35-40 F. i don’t really care much for the cold so i comment on it every time i go outside BUT it’s still nice and it’s given me a chance to wear my new winter coat which is a very cute puffer jacket!

if i could be anywhere right now i think i would still pick to be home :) one of the things i’m most nervous about with moving out on my own is not being in my home where i’m comfortable and have all my stuff with me the way i like it but mostly about not being around my family so i’m enjoying spending as much time as possible living at home during the breaks and being around pretzel and my parents and siblings. also once i move my friends who live around here aren’t going to be as readily available though others will be so there’s that as well 🤔

definitely i am a serial rewatcher/listener/reader! i like the things i’m comfy with and it’s hard for me to go outside of my comfort zone and experience new things with media especially. i reread a lot of books and i rewatch youtube videos and movies and music. especially shows, i really don’t watch a lot of tv, and when i do watch tv i have a tendency to put on old shows that i’m comfortable with. i make exceptions for star wars shows but that’s it and aside from the mandalorian and andor sw has been very disappointing lately so that’s been tough. i think the one thing that may be an exception is music! while i like relistening to all my favorite bands over and over and over on loop i also really enjoy the experience of finding new music that i enjoy and playing that over and over also :)

i hope you’re having a wonderful day danny i love u!! 💝💝💝

pretzel says hello as well 💕

[ID: a fluffy golden puppy dog lying on a tan corduroy couch, looking into the camera with his paws tucked up. end ID]

happy day after solstice love!! enjoy a longer day today than yesterday

!!!! wah thats so exciting. i cant believe ive known you like. long enough to see you do your entire degree im SO excited + proud of you and im wishing you ALL the best w your postgrad stuff!!

YES its been very clear in the art ive seen that you're putting so much effort into it and its absolutely paying off. cannot WAIT to see where you go from here! ik self doubt is a bitch but you rly are so talented i hope you can keep up your energy w it into the new year and beyond

OUGH! chilly! im glad you have a nice new jacket to keep you all toasty esp if you dont rlly like the cold. and i hope you've got as much hot chocolate as you want to warm up w when you get back inside! ive been drinking sooooo much hot chocolate recently its life changing esp when its cold out

wah thats so sweet. i absolutely understand moving out can be SO intimidating but i hope when you do end up moving you find a place that you can make yours and be just as comfy there as you are at your parents place. and in the meantime! enjoy the being home! give pretzel a BIG BIG kiss for me im saying hello back to him and givin him a good scratch

this answer does NOT surprise me at all and props on being the first person to come down firmly on one side or the other. esp w tv i totally get that <- has been rewatching supernatural unfortunately. its so much more of a time commitment and esp with shows that are just coming out its like. you want a decent payoff for your time + energy investment. like w star wars shows i was SO excited for bobf and then. well. i think i watched like two episodes and then the Thing Happened and i was like 'yeah im not finishing this' but i have heard SUCH good stuff about andor and its done coming out for this season so i just need to sit down n actually watch it.

its nice that new music is easy for you its SUCH a delight to find new music you actually like so im glad that you get to have that!!! anything specific thats been in your playlists recently?

i DID have a wonderful day yesterday i hope you have a good one today!! love youuuu

#discussion group #ghostxraven

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brokensoulblog1998 · 2 years

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insecurity is a motherf*****, as of late it has been getting the best of me and im not proud of it at all, ive struggled with that feeling for as long as i can remember, ive really never had anyone to openly share any of these types of feelings with so writing it all out feels really good. i wanna learn to love myself the way i love other people and heal myself where its needed so i can finally be happy and move on with my life. being in a long term relationship for the past two years ive been very toxic and lashing out and i feel so ashamed for putting my loved one through my raging mood swings becasue of past trauma or getting insecure over every little thing an picking fights so i can be right. i never noticed my toxic behavior how it affected my loved one and how it ultimuatly ruined my relationship my partner my self. and honsestly since i promised my self i would always be honest here with my self i think the real reaon i get so insecure is because ive given up on myself compelely, i stopped doing things for me i stopped taking care of myself and just started sittiing around crying and complaing about all the little things i needed to change but really never ever made that effort to change any of those things. i no longer wanna be that girl, im ready to actually put myself first and get out if this rut. i cant keep blaming him and freaking out because he like another girls picture or because he wants to stay in touch with his bestfriend thats a female like those things shouldnt make me insecure i cant expect his wjhole social life to stop just because hes with me. yes i hate that fact that for 30 seconds he looks at a pitcure of another girl and likes it but like he has reassured me so many times that im sure hes tired of doing, none of that crap matters hes a guy at that a younger guy and just because he likes or talks to another girl doesnt mean is intentions are to replace me or cheat on me cause if he wanted to do that he would have. its been two years since this ride to hell began and im ready to hop off. im ready to just let all off that go and just be together. i have to get ovet the fact theres always gonna be other girls and more pictures to like but as long as things are good at home between us and we dont let all that shit on the outside get in well be okay and i know he would never do anything to hurt me hes always been a blunt straight foward kind of guy i just worry sometimes because hes also the kind of guy to tell you what you wanna hear so youll drop it, and i hate that i think that one thing about him fucks with me constantly, but i need to learn hes not my prisoner hes my lover and if were ever gonna get out of this, if im ever gonna get out of this rut ive been stuck in i need to learn to let go and if i dont like something about myself its up to me to change it no my loved ones to tell me what i wanna hear just to comfort me. at one point in my life i knew how to embrace myself and be confident that girl is in me somewhere its just up to me to find her. i honestly dont know if anyone will ever come across this or read this or relate to this im just a girl trying to let go of all this crap i hold in and sharing here makes me feel like this will help me not do that so whoever is reading i hope you know you are not alone im lost to looking for that girl that was once happy and didnt let all her inseuriies destroy her

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tuiccim · 3 years

Text

Almost Had Me Believing It - Part 4

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 1569

Warnings: Mutual pining, smut

Summary: An undercover operation playing Bucky Barnes’ wife is a dream come true. Playing house in the suburbs while trying to take down a drug ring brings you and Bucky closer but a nosy neighbor causes trouble in paradise.

A/N: Divider by @whimsicalrogers

Almost Had Me Believing It Series Masterlist

A few days later you and Bucky sit at breakfast discussing how to get more information about Frank.

“Well, we know one way I could get in his house but I’d rather chew glass.” You grouse.

“You, uh, you don’t find him attractive?” Bucky stutters.

“No. I mean, Frank’s a good looking guy, but he’s not a good person. He gives me the creeps, honestly.” You shudder.

Bucky reins in his smile at hearing that. He hated the idea of you liking any other man. At some point while running through the meadow yesterday, he realized you weren’t afraid of him. He was chasing you and you had this glorious smile on your face. There was no fear or anxiety about you as he tackled you to the ground. You had laughed as he did it and held onto him during the ride as if you felt safe with him. It was nothing short of a miracle in Bucky’s eyes. Very few people in his life watched him approach them without some apprehension in their eyes or tension in their body and nobody looked to him as a refuge of safety but you had. He still didn’t think he deserved it but he was determined to be a safe place and friend to you.

“He’s not like you.” You say the sentence, pulling Bucky out of his thoughts, while causing butterflies to erupt in your stomach.

“Like me?” Bucky says in surprise.

“You’re a good looking guy but you’re also good and sweet and kind. You want to help people, not destroy them, not hurt them. And you don’t give me the creeps.” You laugh lightly hoping to cover the emotions you feel towards the man in front of you.

Bucky chuckles, “I’m glad I don’t give you the creeps.”

“Not at all.” You smile at him.

“You’re a peach.”

You smile at him and then the light bulb goes on over your head, “I have an idea.” You grab a large cup from the cabinet.

“What are you doing?” Bucky asks.

“Well, we are out of sugar.”

“No, we’re not. It’s right there on the counter.”

You take the container and dump it out in the trash, “Oops. As I was saying, we’re out of sugar. I’m gonna go borrow a cup from our neighbor.”

“How does that get us more information about him?”

“He’ll invite me in and I’ll plant a bug.” You say as you pull one of the devices out of your pocket.

“I’ll go with you.” Bucky says.

“That’d look a little strange. Maybe he’ll let his guard down if I’m alone.”

“I don’t like you being alone with him.”

“I’ll be fine, Bucky. If I can take you to the mat I don't think I’ll have a problem with Frank.” You smirk at the supersoldier. Bucky gives you a nod and crosses his arms looking unhappy. “I’ll be back.” You say as you head for the door.

Frank answers his front door within a couple of minutes and smiles, “Hey. What’s up?”

“I’ve come to beg a favor of a benevolent neighbor.” You repeat the phrase Frank had used a few days ago.

Frank laughs, “Are you in need of coffee?”

“Sugar. I knocked the container over and lost it all on the floor. Do you have some to spare?” You keep your expression self-deprecating and sweet.

“Of course. Come on in. I have all kinds of sugar you can have, gorgeous.”

“I just need the white granulated kind,” you giggle as you slip past him into the house.

You follow Frank to the kitchen. He takes the cup from your hand and goes to the pantry to retrieve the sugar for you. Taking a quick assessment of the available real estate for a bug, you attach it to a space where you hope it can pick up sound in both the kitchen and living room.

“So, I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you.” Frank says as he emerges.

“Yeah?”

“About a job.”

“Oh! Great. Where?” You ask.

“Do you have any bookkeeping experience?” Frank asks.

“Yes. I worked for a couple of small offices where I doubled as the office manager as well as nurse. I’m pretty decent at that kind of thing. Where’s the job?”

“Here.”

“What?” You look at him utterly confused.

“You know I’m a landlord and I have several properties. I need someone to do billing, take the payments, handle utilities, deal with the tenant requests. The accounting side has never been my strong suit and I added three more properties in the past year. It would just be part-time. If you're interested…”

“Part-time is exactly what I’m looking for right now. Do you want me to bring you a resume?”

“I’ll take you at your word.” Frank winks. “Why don’t you come back after lunch and I’ll have everything together for us to look at?”

“Are you sure about this? I don’t want to take advantage of our friendship, Frank.”

“I’m sure, gorgeous.” Frank puts an arm around your shoulders as he walks you to the door. “I’ll see you this afternoon, right?”

“Okay. Thanks, Frank.” You smile as you head back to your house. You find Bucky in the office messing with the receiver. “Is it working?”

“As soon as you attached it, I could hear everything. A job offer, huh?” Bucky raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah. A lot of access that way.” You smile.

“A lot of time alone with you.” Bucky grouses.

“I’ll be okay, Bucky. This is good.”

You had spent the afternoon with Frank going over everything with him touching you nearly constantly. Your skin crawled but you managed to play him off. His books really were a mess and you arranged to work with him for the next few afternoons to get things in order. This would afford you the opportunity to plant more bugs. Hopefully, this would also help you gain Frank’s trust and get him to eventually reveal his not so legal dealings. Bucky was unhappy with your report of the afternoon. He did not like you spending so much time alone with Frank.

“Come here, Doll.” Bucky beckons to you from the living room.

“What’s up?” You ask.

Bucky puts his arms around you and his hands grab your ass, “Jump.”

You wrap your arms around Bucky’s neck and jump wrapping your legs around him. Bucky presses you against the wall and you whisper, “Frank watching us?”

“Yup.” Bucky says as he presses his lips to the side of your neck. You arch your neck to give him better access. “Thought he might need another show. Don’t want him getting any ideas that you working for him is gonna get him anywhere.”

“I appreciate that.” You are desperately trying to hold in your moans as Bucky kisses your neck and your hands grasp his hair. Giving in to your own impulse, you pull his head back and meet his lips with your own. Bucky melds his mouth to yours and you feel his hands flex their grasp on your ass. His tongue slides into your mouth and the moan you had been holding in slips out. Your hips shift of their own accord and you can feel Bucky’s erection pressed against you. Bucky pushes away from the wall and carries you down the hallway. He pulls his lips away from yours and gently lowers you to the floor outside your room.

“You okay?” He asks.

“Yeah, you?”

“Yeah.” He looks at you for a moment. “I hope you didn’t mind. I know I was touching-”

“Bucky. It’s fine. You’re just trying to keep Frank off me. I appreciate that. Plus, you're my husband, right?” You smile.

“Yeah. I just, I don’t want to take advantage of the situation.” Bucky says.

“I know you wouldn’t do that, Bucky. Don’t worry, okay? Good night.” You hug him around his torso and scurry into your room.

Bucky retreats to his room and flops down on the bed. You had reassured him that you knew he wouldn’t take advantage, but that’s exactly what he was doing. He saw an opportunity to touch you again and he couldn’t pass it up. You had felt and tasted just as sweet as the first time he’d touched you a few nights ago. You were the one who’d kissed him though. For a minute, he allowed himself to indulge in the thought that you had wanted it, that you had enjoyed it. That your moan had been real. The kiss had been real. The way you rolled your hips against him was because you wanted him, too.

Bucky’s hand moved of their own volition and pushed down his sweats. His cock was painfully hard and he had to relieve the pressure. Fisting himself he remembers your sweet whimpers when he had rutted against you the other night, the moans you released as the two of you kissed tonight, and he imagines his hand is you wrapped around him. He thinks of how wet you would be as he presses into you and the breathy little sounds you’d make as he bottomed out inside you. “Fuck.” Bucky whispers as he imagined your face scrunched up in ecstasy. His hand speeds up as he pictures you riding him and he bucks up into his hand. “Fuck.” he whispers one more time as he comes all over his stomach.

Part 5

Masterlist

Permanent: @bubbabarnes @badassbaker @thefridgeismybestie @strangersstranger @cherthegoddess @buckyluvrs @sherlocksmanwatson @cap-n-stuff @finleyjayne @caplanreads @connie326 @daydreamerinadazedworld @bugsbucky @chrisevanscardigan @harrysthiccthighss @palaiasaurus64 @rebekahdawkins @maaaaarveeeeel @tllynn15 @learisa @jelly-fishy-babie @fistmebuckyskywalker @nerdy-bookworm-1998 @liebs82 @honestly-dontknow @a-really-bi-girl @saiyanprincessswanie @baddie-barnes @aikeia @paleo-runaway @marvelgirl7 @starlightcrystalline @xxloki81xx @kcd15 @slytherinambitious @sallycanwait68 @slytherdorxmd @fangirlforever2412 @rainbowkisses31 @whisperlullaby @thejemersoninferno @thehumanistsdiary @supraveng @dispatchvampire @juenenfeu @sxbby-barnes @allonszassbutt @y-napotat @reallymagnificentinfluencer @is-it-madness @harold231 @buckysbaby32 @purselover23 @ene-rene @chrisevansbaby @rosesanchez12298806 @xxpapasfritasxx

Almost had me believing it: @farfromjustordinary @iheartsebastianstan @7minutes-tomidnight @thechaoticargonaut @marylimlp @buckybarnesdevotee @janaienaae @its-a-simply-me-thing @rosalynshields @oliviastan17 @onlyjamesbuchananbarnes @fangirl-swagg @wrdro @vicmc624 @lokilokilokilokilokiloki @fangirl-swagg @jonhsrevelation @ivettt @detroitobsessed @mypoisonedvine @thebuckysoldier @teenagedreams-bucky @chipilerendi @bloodyproudpotterhead @jaywolf840 @mysfitdragony564 @disasterbii @daddys-minty-princess @whatrambles @emmabarnes @pitypartycityy @srrymydood @legendarysuitstudentfan @wittyrosebushb @stuckysavedmylive @perfectlymaximumphilosopher @potatopineappleposts1 @yolandamontezistherealwildcat @irishflutiegirl @itsaliceheree @fictionalhoomanofnowhere @thatchickwiththecamera @wendyswildwonders @empath-bunny @the-lake-is-calling @thebadassbitchqueen

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luminnara · 3 years

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It’s Been a Long, Long Time | Ch 6

Summary: When HYDRA had their prized asset, the Winter Soldier, they did something no one ever thought was possible: they gave super soldier serum to an omega. With the sole purpose of tending to him during his ruts, she spends decades living in HYDRA facilities, denied her humanity and her life. Now, years later, Bucky Barnes has his mind and his own life back...and the last thing he ever expects is to see a familiar omega again. Bucky/OC, a little angsty but mostly smutty/fluffy/romantic!

Part One | ... | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven

Tags: @kyrah-williams @oceanmermaidwitch @shawnie--jo @super-cape @ferxaniti @namjoonwatcheshentai @fandomsstolemylife00 @youngblood199456 @nightlygiggless @darlingely @ bluemoon-icecream @kaz11283 @jenjen8675309 @dollfacev8 @witchinpractice @mystical-b3ar @sukeraa

Bucky refused to leave the omega’s side while she stayed in the lab. Bruce had to stop him from trying to crawl onto the bed with her, and after about the third time, he convinced the super soldier to just pull up a chair like a civilized person and hold her hand while she drifted off to sleep again. Now that she was with her alpha, she had settled down for another nap, more interested in resting than answering any more questions so long as Bucky stayed and kept an eye on her.

Steve had to admit, it was endearing. He had never seen his friend so absolutely enraptured like this. Whenever the omega, or Ten, as Bruce was still calling her, shifted in her sleep, Bucky’s eyes were snapping over to make sure that she was okay. Whenever she let out a little whimper, he was purring and stroking her hair. Whenever she seemed like she might wake up again, his attention was completely on her.

“So...sure you don’t remember her?” Steve asked, pulling up a chair. He had left for a few hours to work out, and after a lack of updates from FRIDAY, he headed back down to check on everything. They were exactly as he had left them, which was a good sign. At least nothing was getting out of hand.

Yet.

Bucky shrugged, rubbing the back of the omega’s hand with his thumb. “I dunno. It’s...foggy.”

“Well, it seems to me like you’ve either got a history together, or she’s mistaking you for someone else.” Steve said. “Quite frankly, it’s hard to do the latter.”

“I’ve dreamt of her.” Bucky said quietly.

“...what?”

“It’s not much, but...I’ve seen her face.” Bucky looked down at her. “I think that no matter how many times HYDRA wiped my memory, she’s always been in there. Kinda like the one constant that was always around, the one thing I could always count on being in the base with me.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Steve asked.

“Never knew if she was real or not.” Bucky sighed. “I thought...maybe she was just something my mind made up to fill some of the gaps. But she smells exactly like I remember.”

Steve sat back in his chair, his arms crossed over his chest as he watched his friend. Bucky wasn’t snarling anymore, most of his attention trained on the omega while she slept. Now that he was close to her, he had calmed down significantly, though he still wouldn’t let Steve within five feet of her bed.

“Just got off the phone with Tony,” Bruce announced, walking in. “He and Pepper will be back tonight. Pepper’s having some clothes and personal items delivered for our new omega friend here. They also asked about renovating a more permanent room for her, but I, uh...told them I wasn’t exactly sure what the situation would be.”

“She’s staying with me,” Bucky said immediately.

“Now hang on, hang on,” Steve leaned forward.

“Steve,” Bucky growled. “I want her with me.”

“Buck, you don’t even know her—“

Bucky interrupted him with a loud snarl, the omega in question whining and squirming in her sleep at the sound of it.

He immediately shut up, brushing a thumb over her cheek and shushing her until she was sleeping soundly again. Fuck, he felt so stupid. What was wrong with him? She could have woken up, or been scared, or upset, all because he couldn’t keep his big mouth shut. She needed her rest, and he needed to stay quiet.

Steve almost couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“Oh, Buck,” he shook his head. “You’re in deep.”

—

Amoretta woke feeling well rested, and it wasn’t until she tried to stretch and felt the tug of her IV drip that she remembered where she was. Opening her eyes revealed the bright lights of the lab, and as she started to sit up, a few faces came into view.

“Welcome back, Sleeping Beauty,” Bruce said. “How are you feelin’?”

She licked her lips. “Juice box. Now.”

“Way ahead of you. Had this one waiting as soon as you started waking up.” He tossed one to her and was pleased when her hand shot up to catch it. “Reflexes look good. Vitals are all reading normal. I’ll have to run another test to see what’s going on with those suppressants, but I’m willing to bet you’re metabolizing them fairly quickly now. How are you feeling?”

She pulled the little straw off the back of the carton and jammed it into the top. “Nauseous. Like usual.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Side effect of the suppressants?”

“Always has been. Other than that...I feel great, actually.”

“Well, as soon as these wear off, we can figure out something nicer and more modern for you. If you want to use them, I mean.” Bruce shrugged. “Your choice.”

She smiled. “Choice. I like that.”

“Hey, we’re all about independence here,” Steve said happily. He was glad to see she was awake, even though Bucky wasn’t.

The other alpha was still at her side, but, as of about half an hour ago, he was napping. Steve made a mental note to never let him forget the way he slept straight through the one moment he had been waiting for all day.

“What time is it?” She asked. “There’s no windows in this damn place.”

“Just after dinner,” Bruce chuckled. “You slept most of the day. Bucky hasn’t left your side.”

She looked over to her soldier, smiling warmly at the sight of him sleeping. He was even snoring softly. “I haven’t gotten to see this in forty years.”

“Did you two, uh…” Steve cleared his throat. “Spend a lot of time together?”

The omega laughed. “You always this awkward around girls?”

“That’s not—“

“Relax, I’m just giving you a hard time.” She sucked on her straw. “But...yeah, we did.”

“So...you were just kept for his ruts, or…” Steve was so awkward it was almost endearing. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong. I think.”

“It’s okay. I know my lot in life.” She kept her eyes trained on Bucky as she spoke. “But if I’m going to answer more questions, I want to get out of this bed. And I want real clothes. Then I’ll talk.”

And so, only several minutes later, Bruce was handing her a sweater and some shorts he had grabbed from a little stash of extra clothing, and Bucky was startled awake by Ten stepping past him. She was finally free from all the tubes and cords that had been sticking out of her during her little hospital stay, and she was all too eager now to explore the tower.

She stood on wobbly legs, almost falling onto him when she tried to take a step. Bucky was up in a flash, ready to catch her, and as she fell against his chest, he wrapped his arms around her. Despite just waking up, he felt fully alert, completely ready to tend to his omega’s every need.

His omega...he liked that train of thought.

“We can head up to the common area. It should still be quiet.” Steve said, leading the way out.

Bucky kept an arm around his omega’s waist as they followed, Bruce bringing up the rear. He wanted to be touching her at all times, constantly in contact so that he couldn’t lose track of her. His instincts were roaring to life, demanding that he do everything in his power to make sure that she was safe and in his line of sight. The elevator ride was tense and full of possessive growling, Bucky constantly shoving Ten behind him to keep her in the corner and as far away from Steve as possible, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief when the doors slid open and they could step out of the cramped space again.

The common area was empty, thankfully, FRIDAY informing them that the other Avengers were all either working out or in their private quarters.

“Good,” Steve said, heading towards the couches. “No interruptions. Got it, FRIDAY?”

“Understood, Captain Rogers.”

“C’mere,” Bucky mumbled, pulling his omega down to sit on one of the couches with him. Part of him was feeling a little sheepish and self conscious of his behavior...but the rest of him didn’t give a shit. The others could stare and shake their heads all they wanted, but he’d be damned if he let Ten slip through his fingers again.

Or whatever her name was.

Steve and Bruce sat across from them, making sure that they left as much space as possible between themselves and the new omega. Neither of them had ever seen Bucky behaving quite like this--he was on guard, hyper aware of everything around him. He made sure that she was pressed up against his side, an arm draped possessively over the back of the couch so that it was unmistakable that she was with him.

Christ, what had gotten into him? He couldn’t remember ever acting this way about an omega before.

“So…” Steve cleared his throat, sitting with his elbows resting on his knees.

Bucky didn’t really like the way his posture made him lean forward towards his omega, but he could deal with it for now. “So.”

“What do you wanna know?” Ten asked, plucking at Bucky’s shirt. She seemed to be even clingier with him than he was with her, perfectly happy to be hanging off him or tucked up against his side. “You met my demands. I guess I’m an open book now.”

“I don’t want to overstep my bounds,” Steve said. “We just need to know as much as you’re willing to share.”

“Then ask a question.”

“...Alright.” he cleared his throat again. “You said HYDRA used you to help with Bucky’s ruts?”

Ten nodded, her expression remaining even and cool.

“Could you tell us more about that?” Steve glanced at Bucky. “Were there ever any other omegas, or anyone we should know about?”

“There were omegas before me.” she answered. “When I first got to the compound, there were a lot of us. They kept us all in big cells, so everyone talked. People said things about how HYDRA was grabbing omegas off the street for their super soldiers, and how the one at our base was the biggest and scariest.”

Bruce raised an eyebrow at her tone. He wasn’t exactly sure what he expected her to sound like while she regaled them with her life story, but he definitely thought there would be a tad bit more apprehension in her voice. She seemed proud of herself, and more matter-of-fact than a lot of omegas would be while talking about their alpha’s previous partners. Or...whatever you called prisoners whose only purpose was to help during ruts.

“And I bet he was,” she sighed, leaning her cheek on Bucky’s chest and looking up at him adoringly.

“Well, I don’t know about that…” Bucky said, an almost shy smile on his lips. And...was he actually blushing?

Steve was going to lose his mind.

“You said the other omegas couldn’t handle it? That’s why you were given the serum?” he prompted, trying to keep them on track before he drowned in the sticky sweetness of her happy pheromones.

“Right.” she turned her attention back to Steve and Bucky let out a quiet huff. “HYDRA didn’t really like to take care of us. And the soldier--I mean, Bucky--would wear them out. So...HYDRA would just kind of let them go. Or put them down, maybe. I never saw it.”

Bucky’s expression dropped. His blush was gone, and he almost looked like he was going to be sick as he listened to her talk.

“But it wasn’t his fault,” she said quickly, glancing between him and Steve. “I don’t think it was ever on purpose, you were just...demanding.”

He gave a groan, leaning his head back against the couch. “You don’t have to sugarcoat it, doll. I’d rather know what I did, at this point.”

She offered a small shrug. “I don’t really remember it being that bad, but I don’t think I ever met you before they gave me the serum.”

“That’s something, at least.” he mumbled, dragging a hand down his face.

“Why you?” Steve asked. “Did you have any prior military experience, any ties to something the others didn’t?”

“No.” she laughed. “I never even got in fights before HYDRA.”

“Then why’d they use such an important resource on you, specifically? Not trying to take a dig at you, it’s just...well, omegas don’t usually…”

“I know,” she said. “Omegas aren’t supposed to be tough, right? That’s why they only ever let alphas become super soldiers.”

“That’s not what I…” Steve trailed off and then sighed. “Sorry.”

“I told you, they gave me the serum so that I would be strong enough to hold my own. It also ensured I would always be around, no matter how many years passed.” Her fingers found Bucky’s free hand and she took it, absentmindedly playing with the smooth vibranium knuckles. “Having me as a constant meant they could stop spending so much time and effort on always having a new omega around for him. Plus…well, I wasn’t really there, but I heard something about it once…”

“What?” Bucky asked.

“They let you choose who was going to become your omega.” She said, looking up at him. “They gave you a bunch of scents, and you chose mine. I guess it was the only reason they didn’t, uh...humanely euthanize me.”

His eyes were wide. The thought of HYDRA killing his omega brought a low growl to his throat, his chest rumbling with the vibrations of it. “No.”

“Well, clearly they didn’t!” She said brightly. “My file said I was a kicker.”

“So they gave you, an already aggressive omega, the serum, but never gave you any trigger words or fished around in your brain?” Bruce shook his head. “Surprisingly sloppy, considering who they are.”

“It’s not like they ever sent me out into the world. I stayed in my cell all day, unless I was needed for a rut. Then I went and stayed in a different cell.” She sighed. “And if they ever needed to, they could just use the alpha to grab me.”

Bucky clearly didn’t like the thought of that. He made a frustrated sound, leaning his head back again. “Great.”

“It was never bad.” She let go of his hand, moving her fingers to cup his jaw. “You never hurt me. You wouldn’t. Sometimes, when I acted up, they would make you go retrieve me, because they knew you were the only one who could do it. If they didn’t send you, they would just knock me out.”

“So...that was it?” Steve asked. “Ruts, serum, cryo?”

“For thirty years!” She chirped. “The last time they froze me, they were freezing him, too. They always tried to keep us in cryo at the same time so that I could be thawed out and ready when he needed me. But...I guess they just...left me there?” She frowned.

“See, that’s what I’ve been trying to figure out.” Steve said. “I didn’t see any signs of a struggle at that base. I’d say they left in an orderly fashion, but the fact that they didn’t take you along makes me think they were in more of a hurry than they made it seem.”

“Natasha might have a better idea,” Bruce suggested. “We can talk to her, try to figure out—“

“FRIDAY, open the damn door or so help me God I will rewrite your entire personality.” A voice interrupted from the other side of the door.

“I’m sorry, Tony, but Captain Rogers asked me not to.” The AI said.

“Well, is it an emergency?” The man scoffed.

“No emergency measures have been executed. No security breaches have been identified.”

“Then I’m sorry, but Captain Rogers does not outrank me when it comes to my own robots. Open the door, beautiful.”

She seemed to sigh. “Very well, Mr. Stark.”

Ten perked up, leaning forward slightly. She was watching the door curiously, tilting her head a little when she heard it slide open. Bucky rolled his eyes, grumbling to himself quietly and pulling her up against his side as another alpha strode in.

“Really? Having a party without me?” the man asked, a smooth, casual air about him as he walked in and looked at everyone on the couches. When his eyes landed on the omega cuddled up next to Bucky, he stopped. “Ah, is this our new guest?”

“Go away, Stark.” Bucky growled. He didn’t like how long the other man’s gaze was lingering on his omega, not when there weren’t any scars on her neck to show who she belonged to.

“Always such a charmer, Barnes.” Tony said, flopping down next to Steve. “Lovely to see you, too. Care to introduce me to your friend? ….No, you’d rather just snarl and forget your words? I knew you were old, but I didn’t realize you were actually a caveman.”

“Tony,” Bruce groaned. “Don’t aggravate him. Please.”

“Why not?” Tony leaned back against the cushions, completely at ease and totally happy to be pressing every one of Bucky’s buttons.

“Are you Tony Stark?” Ten asked, wiggling out of Bucky’s grip to sit on the edge of their couch.

Bucky caught her around the waist before she could get very far, though, and dragged her onto his lap. He loomed over her, sneering dangerously at Tony as the other alpha flashed a smile.

“Bingo.” he said.

“I never thought I’d meet a Stark,” she admitted. “I always heard about Stark Industries, but I lived too far away from any big cities to ever get to see any of his exhibitions.”

“Ah. You’re from my father’s time. Of course.” Tony shot a pointed glare in Bucky’s direction. “Seems like Bruce left out a few teensy weensy important details on the phone today.”

“Well, it’s been, uh...an ongoing learning experience.” Bruce said sheepishly.

“Lots of developments, huh?” Tony raised an eyebrow.

“You could say that.” Steve said under his breath. “We came up here so Ten could be more comfortable while we talk.”

“Oh yeah? What’re we talkin’ about?” Tony asked.

“They were asking about my time with HYDRA,” she answered, cutting in before anyone else could. “And with...Bucky.”

Saying his name felt odd. Her tongue wasn’t used to it, and her mind wanted to call him alpha, or Winter Soldier. Bucky just seemed so…casual, such a strange thing to call a deadly super soldier. When she heard herself, though, she decided that she definitely didn’t hate it.

Bucky’s heart gave a little leap at the sound of his name falling from her lips. He wanted her to say it over and over again, in whispers and in screams, for nobody else’s ears but his.

“...Buck?” Steve asked, pulling him away from his thoughts. “You, uh, kinda zoned out there.”

It wasn’t until Bucky looked at Steve that he realized his eyes had been trained on the omega in his lap. “Yeah?”

“...Is this seriously how you’ve spent the past day and a half?” Tony asked. “Steve, I’m sorry, and I’m sure you’re just trying to be as helpful as you can be, like always, but I think you should let these two get a room.”

Steve looked at him incredulously. “Tony, really? I’m trying to get to the bottom of why exactly HYDRA would abandon the omega they pumped full of super soldier serum. They can get a room later—“

“Yeah, uh, wonder boy? I don’t think your pal is gonna last much longer before he tries to rip our heads off.” Tony nodded towards a very disgruntled Bucky. “You can resume your interrogation tomorrow, Cap.”

Steve looked to Bruce for help, but he only offered a small shrug and stood, heading towards the door. “He’s right, Steve. They deserve some alone time.”

“But—hey!” Steve protested as Bucky picked his omega up, striding past the two alphas sitting on the opposite couch.

“Thanks for everything, Steve.” Bucky said over his shoulder.

Ten squirmed, peeking around Bucky’s arm as she was carried away. “Bye, Mr. Stark!”

“Don’t look at him,” Bucky growled as they walked out the door.

“Did his father really make hoverboards? I heard once that Howard was promising hoverboards—“

“No.” He said flatly.

“...oh.” She huffed, slumping against him. “Where are we going?”

“My apartment.” Bucky stepped into the elevator, his grip still tight around her.

The omega perked up. “You have a whole apartment?”

He puffed his chest out a little. “Course I do. Gotta have a nice place for you, don’t I?”

“So I can stay?” Her eyes were bright and happy. “I can stay there, with you, all the time? Not just when you rut?”

He felt a sad little pang in his heart. When he spoke again, his voice was low and soft. “Of course, sweetheart.”

Then, his eyes widened as he realized what he was saying. “I mean, uh...i-if you want to, that is. I know it’s fast and all, and maybe...would you rather have your own room? Or I can stay on the couch—“

“Bucky,” she cut him off with a laugh, a soft hand cupping his jaw. “You’ve been my alpha for seventy years. I’d say we’re actually moving pretty slow.”

His expression relaxed again, lips stretching into a small smile. “Right. Yeah. You’re right.”

They spent the rest of the elevator ride in comfortable silence, Bucky rubbing his scent glands all over her hair. He wanted to make sure that the next time they encountered anyone else, she smelled exactly like him.

Like her alpha.

When the elevator came to a gentle stop at Bucky’s floor, the doors opened, and he stepped out in front of his apartment door. It opened for him, having already scanned his biometrics, revealing a small, but cozy, living room.

He set his omega down on her feet, watching anxiously as she stepped into his quarters. Did she like it? Fuck, was it too small? It was too small. She probably hated it. Fuck, fuck, fuck...he had to salvage this somehow.

“Well, uh…” shit, he sounded too nervous. He wanted her to think he was a strong, capable alpha.

He cleared his throat for another start. “Welcome home, Omega.”

Wait. That wasn’t right. Should he be calling her that? No, probably not, it sounded too possessive, too uncaring. He wished he just knew her fucking name, or something.

“I mean…Ten?”

Shit, he sounded so stupid. He wanted to impress her, not...do whatever this was.

She just laughed, though, turning and looking at him with those eyes that sparkled like starlight. “Amoretta. My name is Amoretta.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x oc #abo #omegaverse #alpha bucky #alpha bucky barnes #it's been a long long time #avengers x reader #avengers x oc

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kookingtae · 3 years

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how’s writing fiy going? I hope you’re doing good and staying healthy ❤️ also you’re my fav writer on here🥺

AHHH YOUR FAV WRITER ON HERE OMGGG IM SO HONORED TYSM tbh ive been in kind of a rut w my writing, ive had no motivation/inspo lately AT ALL but i’ve been helping @mercurygguk outline risqué pt 3 (which i’m so excited about btw) and it’s made me miss writing my fiy babies so much 🥺🥺 SO i really want to start up again and get pt 8 out as soon as i can! ideally i’d like to have it posted by the end of this year 😳 but i’m going to be SO busy, i’ll be going on two trips, one across the country and one across the world, so idk if i’ll have time 😥 BUT that also means i’ll just have plenty of free time on the plane to get some writing done so we’ll see!!!

#ask #anon #falling into you

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sexysilverstrider · 2 years

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Hello, first and foremost I'd like to say that I'm a big fan of your writing - you really helped fill in that empty void that was left behind in my heart after I finished Pokemon Black all those years ago and fell in love with Ferrishwheelshipping. Your stories really lit up my life then.

Secondly, I have a problem and really wanted to ask your advice about it - I recently became invested in Legends: Arceus and somehow came out of it liking the idea of Volo x Akari, for a lot of reasons, but basically because I don't think Volo is entirely as evil as parts of the fanbase make him out to be, I think he has light in his heart and deserves a second chance.

I mean he has not one, not two, but THREE friendship evolutions, all three evolving from baby Pokemon, and during a time when Pokemon and humans were at odds with each other. And has a photo of himself and his egg baby.

(And I read there's a possibility that Giratina might have had some influence on him going totally bonkers)

Anyways, I've been a longtime fan of Pokemon and your work, and I've written several stories before, but this is the first time I've wanted to write a Pokemon fic this badly - a Volokari story (not sure what their shipping name is yet). But I'm worried about receiving backlash because in my story Akari (who is actually Hikari) is an adult when she's whisked away to Hisui, and I don't want to receive hate messages over something that's supposed to be emotional and fun.

But at the same time, I really, REALLY want to write this story sometime, how Arceus not only brought Akari to Hisui to save the land, but also Volo, and how the two hold Cynthia's existence in the future in their hands...

But I'm so sensitive, especially these days, I don't think I'd know what to do if I received hate messages over something I worked so hard on and put all my soul into, especially when those messages are calling me terrible things that make me feel like I should be burned at the stake.

hi hi!

first of all. omg. aaaaa thank u! im happy to u know love my fws esp my fws fics aaaaaaa all the stuff ive written in the past are quite dear to me so its nice to know people enjoy wm

second, regarding your problem, i solely believe in Write For Yourself. make your own food. cook your own feast. make the characters alive through your eyes for YOUR viewing pleasure. i know getting validation from others is great but it also risks the unnecessary backlash from ppl we never asked opinions from. so what i can say is start off by writinf for yourself. trust me. years later im still in a soulsilver n ferriswheel rut n all the fics ive written in the past are for my own benefit. it helps on the long run.

if u hv ao3 u can post on ao3 w proper tags! usually the readers are nicer coz it takes actually googling and filtering to find what one wants. no asshole is tht desperate to do so just to spread hate.

if not u can post here too! if youre still nervous, switch off replies or turn anon off. theyll be some useless bastards once or twice unfortunately but think of it this way: your life is way more vast, way more important and these useless things are barely worth your time or notice.

it might sting to get one. bt trust me, there are SO many people who support n love u. outside and inside the internet.

so i hope youre passionate enough to write vlkr! i knw im still super interested in them n years of doing what i love make me so desensitized by some backlash from people i couldnt care less coz the internet is just a small part of my big big world lol

#ALSO YOU HCANON AKARI AS HIKARI TOO??? POG #i also hcanon she got yeeted into hisui when shes 17 #a year after she became champion #rei is maybe 16 #volo is 20 or 22?#so if i were to write anythng postgame akari is like. 18 at best #imagination can do many things #what matters is we enjoy them wout hurting others :)#ask #anon

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prettyboy-parker · 3 years

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favorite fics of 2020 (and a goodbye)

hi all!

first, i wanted to say this is inspired by one of my closest friends my bitch @honeybunstarker . thank u for that

secondly, i wanted to say a final goodbye. i know that i nearly left a few months ago, but i was still on the fence about writing for marvel then. now, ive lost all interest. thank you all for fueling my love for writing, and making these past two (??? i actually don’t know) years full of excitement and encouragement! from the ups (the blocklist, secret santa) to the downs (my favorite blogs and friends deactivating without a word), ive had the greatest time in this fandom.

in case you were worried, i am NOT deactivating. my fics will be available for you to read whenever you want.

but, i will not be writing for marvel anymore, nor will i be posting on this blog.

now that the sad part is done, i didn't want to leave you guys without anything to entertain yourselves with. so, here are my favorite fics, including some non-marvel, from this year!

(all descriptions are from the work itself)

my top fic from this year, which is also one of my favorite fics of all time, is a dog named sunshine.

“Bucky Barnes has issues. Mental health issues, and a whole lot of them, to be precise. Bucky is fucked up, and he knows that. His apartment looks like a dumping ground on most days, he can’t sleep through the night, sometimes he doesn’t shower for six days and doesn’t leave the house except to see his therapist once a week. Mostly, Bucky has no idea how the whole “talking about your problems” thing is supposed to help him, but sometimes his therapist has some really great ideas. Like getting a dog. Which is how Bucky meets Steve. Steve has blond hair and shoulders as broad as Bucky’s future if he wouldn’t suffer from depression and multiple mental disorders, and a waist as small as Bucky’s self-esteem. Steve also has a yellowish dog with floppy ears called Sunshine. And sunshine makes its way into Bucky’s life with a bounce in its step.”

a modern stucky fic which portrays depression in the best way i have seen in a fic so far. unfortunately, it has been orphaned before being finished :(

starker:

hey baby, slip between my beta-pleats and get to know my alpha-helix? By @starkerforlife6969 and @darker-soft-starker

“Even though Tony can't tell the difference between Manolo Blahnik and Jimmy Choo, Peter really has no other choice.

His heat is around the corner, so even though he loathes the party-going, booze drinking, smug playboy know-it-all that is Tony Stark-

He'll just have to do.”

if you asked me what my favorite starker fic of all time is, i’d tell you it’s this one

raising hybrid puppies by jaypendragon

“A non-powered Tony/Peter coffee shop AU with billionaire Tony and working-class, teenage Peter. Also, Toomes has a bakery and somehow Last Week Tonight is a genuine plot point.”

underage, slowburn, happy ending

even though it’s one of the most notorious fics for the ship, i never read it until the summer.

waiting for marriage by tuesday

“In which Tony gets married and kidnapped in that order.

—

Tony Stark went to Vegas to cause a scandal.”

just super fun!

push you out (pull you back in) by @lovelystarker

“So basically, Peter's kind of fucked. And not in the way that he wants to be-preferably by his mother's hot new boyfriend who has beautiful brown eyes and a disposition that's more than put-together. It wouldn't be so hard to ignore the crush, really it wouldn't, but Mr. Stark has practically moved in, so Peter can't avoid him if he wants to, and unlike his mom's past boyfriends, this one actually likes to spend time with him. So yeah, Peter's kind of fucked.”

just,,, wow. important to note that it is unfinished.

stucky:

you go to my head by alby_mangroves and brideofquiet

“Why would you do that for a man you don’t know?” Bucky asks.

Steve raises one slow eyebrow at him, then the other, till his expression turns from skepticism to disbelief. His forefinger and thumb reach into his shirt’s front pocket and draw out a wrinkled dollar bill.

Steve looks him in the eye when he says, very patiently, “For money, Bucky.”

40′s stucky is my favorite stucky

that boy is a problem by 2best friends

“In which a twinky little goth punk named Bucky puts a leash around Steve's dick and he's really into it.

(The leash is a metaphor. For now.)”

just porn

all the angels and the saints by speranza

“In which Steve Rogers loses God and finds God and loses God, and also: Bucky.”

if it makes you cry, it’s probably good!

sugar sweet by colorcoated

“College Student Bucky finds himself immediately attracted to Steve. He knows that Steve's a bit older than him, and that Steve himself is put off by the age difference. . . But that doesn't stop Bucky from wanting to climb him like a tree.”

the only slowburn i have tolerated

my bucky by cleo4u2 and xantissa

“Bucky finds a feral Alpha in the woods. Rather, the Alpha finds him. Bucky is sure it’s the end of his life as an independant Omega. It turns out to be the beginning of the strangest romance Bucky’s ever known.”

stony:

(i want you to see) the darkest side of me by ann2who

“In Monte Carlo, Steve meets the wealthy widower Anthony Stark. It’s love at first sight—at least for Steve—and he can’t believe his luck when Tony asks him to live at Stark Mansion, his large estate in Malibu. Never in his life had Steve thought something like this was possible… never had he been this happy. However, soon Steve realizes that Tony is still deeply troubled by the death of his first wife and haunted by the many ghosts she left behind. The longer Steve lives in her shadow, the more he understands that… He can never be what Tony’s wife had once been for him. And Tony might never truly love him.”

total mindfuck.

ironstrange:

let it be by lucifersfavoritechild

“While dealing with his son's car accident and a rapidly-dissolving marriage, Tony is drawn to Peter's surgeon, Dr. Stephen Strange.”

where severus snape is hot, not a stalker, and somehow gets the girl by utopiste

“Or: Peter Parker is sick and wants to cut his Neuroscience class. Tony just wants to help (and maybe date his son's hot teacher). Stephen Strange just wants to give his lecture in peace.”

miscellaneous:

geraskier: who needs plans anyways by NTK

“All witchers are alphas or betas by nature, since no omega has ever survived the Trial of the Grasses. Gerald has never had any problems with satisfying his needs on the occasional rut, for the whores from Poviss to Nilfgard were eager to be of service to a sturdy hunk like him. On the other hand, a certain omega/ bard/ occasional witcher tagalong has always made certain to acquire enough suppressants from local healers before setting out on a new adventure. That is, until the travels with his favourite White Wolf led the unlike pair into uncharted territory for longer than expected… life ensues”

philtriss: bound by sapphiresmoke

“Leashing involves a pupil being bound to their master in body, mind, and magic,” Philippa explained, folding her hands on the desk in front of her. “It is not something to undertake lightly, but if you accept, I will be able to share my magic with you, and instruct you in ways that would be otherwise be impossible if I were to only rely on verbal communication. It is intimate, it is at times invasive, but if you consent to this, Triss, it will make you vastlymore powerful, and from the look in your eyes, that seems to be exactly what you are looking for.”

vandermatthews: one more night like this would put me six feet under by jukeboxgraduate

“To be alongside the same person week after week, to share honesty and trust with someone day after day, is a rare treasure in a life that hinges on dishonesty. Hosea holds it close to his heart.”

din/cobb: every wave is a tidal if you hang around by wolfhalls

“Din comes to Mos Pelgo, and finds a lot more than he was looking for.”

and finally, rough day by @no-droids, because we all need to be a little indulgent sometimes.

#starker #stony #ironstrange #stucky #fic recs #geraskier #philtriss

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atticweirdo · 3 years

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Rules: answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you want to get to know better...

thank you for tagging me @boogiepilgrim !! 😊 😊 💕

Nickname: lasse (sort of a diminutive of my name. i’d compare it to a name like michael being shortened to mike except lasse is longer than lars... lol) & also laars/laarsje (meaning “boot” in dutch)

Zodiac sign: scorpio

Height: 178cm or 5’8″ i gwess

Last movie I watched: in the mood for love in a small cinema near me that was doing a retrospective on wong kar-wai... huge recommend! so wonderful

Last thing I Googled: not counting me converting cms to feet and in the mood for love... things about required items for a weapon i’ve been grinding for in guild wars 2 the past week lol

Favorite musician: eeeepp i can’t possibly pick one <3 EJ, jethro tull, dEUS, hatari, mad season, steely dan, stille volk. kind of in a rut rn tho i wanna find more new music.

Songs stuck in my head: on the halfway line by school is cool & the cage by elton john most recently!

Other blogs: none! i have my empty main (jar-t-vis) which hasn’t been used since i wiped it clean in like 2017. wish there was a way to switch this blog to the main blog but i don’t wanna move the urls n start all over. too attached to everything that’s on here.

Blogs I'm following: 226. i like to be able to scroll back to where i was every time i open the app again

Amount of sleep: i preferrrr 8 to 10 hours but obviously if i work that’s not possible. and also sometimes my brain breaks and i only sleep about 4.

Lucky number: ive never had one of those

What am I wearing: huge orange tinted glasses, black bleach tie dye shirt, black cargo pants, thrifted new rocks... off to the city soon

Dream job: HOPEFULLY something that involves my studies once i’ve finished them!! my DREAM dream job is probably tattoo artist but idk if my current artstyle is very adaptable to that medium.

Dream trip: i hooope to go to berlin next year w a few friends so that i guess. and i love hiking so anywhere you can hike a lot. the alps scotland or ireland. yes girl i love to get rained on <3

Favorite food: if it comes out of the oven and has a lot of vegetables i will probably love it. love mexican food too

Play an instrument: i used to play bass guitar (self taught) regularly but i kind of dropped it when the pandemic hit 😔

Languages: Dutch (/Flemish lol), English, French. Wish i knew German!

Describe yourself in aesthetic things: ummm what even counts as aesthetic i don’t really think about myself in terms of that i think it’s kind of a weird concept so here’s Some Things. bikes lying in the grass because you’re having a picnic a few meters further, sitting in a café at 11 in the evening with a friend, marginalia in medieval manuscripts, feeding pigeons ur leftover food. the end

Favorite Songs: great american nude by dEUS, thick as a brick by jethro tull, i think i’m gonna kill myself and also ballad of a well known gun by elton john,the ‘97 live version of big love by fleetwood mac are a few

Random fact: my friends make fun of me for being attracted to taron egerton and maybe i deserve it a little but have you seen that body<3

i tagggg @ghostparadoxa/ @devilsflowermantis (idk which one you’d prefer to use) @alekasatics @mortimer @jaaaor @idontreadtheory

#don't feel pressured it's fine if you don't wanna do these. but hi sorry i don't talk much to you all i treasure you as mutuals #and i open my mouth

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quillandink333 · 3 years

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Scarlet Carnations ~ Part V

BotW Link X Zelda ~ Detective AU

Rating: T

Word Count: 1.9k

WARNINGS: death, murder, loss, trauma, blood and gore, terrorism, organized crime, self-harm

Summary: Inspector Zelda Hyrule, assisted by the faithful Constable Link Fyori, is infamous for cracking the most confounding of cases in a town dominated by crime. Her latest assignment is to solve the murder of her own godmother, Impa Sheikah, the late CEO of Sheikah Tech. Incorporated, while staying under the radar of the dreaded Yiga organization.

Part I • Part II • Part III • Part IV • Part V • Part VI • Part VII • Epilogue • Masterlist

“‘Justice is Dead’: Inspector Hyrule Loses her Badge for Lying in Sheikah Murder Trial”

This headline, alongside a photograph capturing the catastrophe that had been Link’s trial, was what had made the front page of the Times not long after it had all transpired. And it wasn’t the only one of its kind. Far from it. It seemed every publishing firm in town had released an article covering my epic blunder in court.

My name wasn’t unfamiliar to the masses either. As the daughter of the last pre-Yiga mayor to stand in office, anyone who read the paper regularly knew who I was. Until now, I’d been known all across town as the prodigy detective dedicated to keeping the streets free of crime, but now, all those people would look upon my face and see nothing but a filthy, lowlife perjurer.

I could live with my name being ground into the dirt by the media. What made me truly bitter beyond words was that the few individuals whom I’d once trusted and looked up to would now think the same of me.

I’d tried reaching out to Prosecutor Sigatur countless times in the hopes that she could in some way continue the investigation in my stead, but every time I called, she would never pick up. She probably saw this case as closed now anyway. I had managed to get a hold of Auntie Purah, but all she’d been willing to say to me was that she needed time to think before hanging up. As for Paya, I couldn’t even bring myself to try to contact her.

It wasn’t something I took pride in. Clearly the best thing for me to do would be to apologize to them all for my actions, most of all to Paya after all the needless grief I’d caused her. But I simply couldn’t do it. Just the idea of it felt wrong. No words that I could possibly say to them would be of any use in bettering the circumstances. I couldn’t bring Auntie Impa back. I couldn’t undo what I’d done. I couldn’t do anything. There wasn’t a single thing I was good for other than making a mockery of myself and disappointing those who’d once dared to put their faith in me. Nothing at all.

And now, to put a cherry atop the sundae of darkness and misery that my life had come to, the one person who mattered most to me, the one I’d dedicated myself to protecting, was gone, forever. Just when we’d finally found each other again. There was still so much I’d wanted to ask him, and even more that I’d wanted to say, but...

What I wouldn’t have given just to be by his side at that moment. What we did didn’t matter. Even if he and I were simply in the same room together, I’d feel more at ease. But who was I to wish for such things? I was the one who had failed him. I should’ve just testified that I’d been the one behind everything. I should’ve been the one on death row right then. Not him.

I thought recalling a happier time would perhaps help to restore me to my rational self, before it was too late, but in the end, it only proved to pour more salt in the wound.

“Alright, I’ll see you around.” Both Paya’s and my own ears perked up at the familiar, jovial voice down the hallway. “Great time catching up with you!” No sooner than we’d heard those words did Link come striding out of one of the classrooms on the left.

“Uhh...!” I turned toward Paya, who was suddenly as red as a raspberry. “I j-just remembered I had something to ask one of my teachers about!”

Just then, Link’s eyes landed on the two of us. Paya gave him a wave and a sheepish smile, both worth no more than half a second.

“You two have fun!”

Then she started to turn on her heel.

My outstretched arm just barely missed the strap of her school bag. “No, wait!”

“Bye!”

I gave a disgruntled snarl as she made her hasty retreat. She was far enough now that if I tried calling out to her, I’d only be drawing attention to myself.

“Everything alright, Zelda?”

“Link!” The boy in question was right there, just a foot’s distance or so behind me. “Oh, yes. Quite. Paya’s just...”

“She seemed busy.”

“Yes, yes,” I grumbled. Busy putting me on the spot, more like. As always. “Who was that you were talking to just now?”

“Oh, you must mean Sidon!” he exclaimed. “He and I knew each other in elementary school. He just transferred here last week, or so I’m told. What a small world we live in!”

He spoke animatedly, gesturing with his whole body as he told me tales of the mischief he and his childhood friends used to get up to. Though he himself had only been enrolled here since the start of that year, it seemed he already knew everyone on campus. Even the members of faculty were fond of him.

“So I heard you got in touch with my father again the other day,” he said as we rounded the corner of the building’s exterior on the way to our usual lunch spot.

“Oh, yes, I did!” He took a seat next to me on the concrete bench in front of the greenhouse.

“How’d that go?” he asked, then tore a massive bite out of his sandwich.

I winced in a mixture of worry and amazement. “Well, he didn’t really have much to contribute to my case, but I appreciate his hearing me out all the same.”

“Ah’m thure you ‘o.” He swallowed his mouthful of food before continuing, to my relief. “But he doesn’t take time out of his busy schedule to talk to just anyone, you know.”

“Oh, certainly. If it weren’t for Urbosa, I’m sure he wouldn’t even give me the time of day.”

Then a teasing grin lit up his face. “Aren’t you forgetting about someone?”

“Oh! Of course. My apologies,” I bowed, swivelling in his direction. “You’ve been a great help as well, Link. Thank you.”

A faint crease formed between his brows. “Come on now, I was only joking.” He gave my shoulder a light shove, nearly making me drop my lunch tray. “You should try being less prim and proper all the time. No one’s counting on you for anything, are they?”

“No, I suppose not.” No one amongst the living, anyway. Besides, he already had me eating lunch outside the cafeteria. How much more improper did he expect me to be? “I think it’s just the way I’ve been brought up.”

He gave a slow nod. “That’s understandable.” No doubt he could imagine how strict the CEO of Sheikah Tech. could be with her daughters sometimes. “Still, if you want my advice, try lightening up now and then. Trust me, you’ll be loads happier that way.”

My heart swelled at his kind words. If it were anyone else, I probably would have dismissed them as just another naïve optimist. “You think so?”

He shook his head, correcting me with, “I know so.”

I’d bumped his knee with my own when I’d turned to face him a short while earlier. It was then that I finally took notice of our sustained bodily contact, which in turn made me notice how little distance there really was between where he and I were now sitting.

He must’ve realized this as well. While I was still in a flustered rut about what to do, he caught me off guard and scooted even closer, until our thighs were just a hair’s breadth away from touching. I, of course, was a gawking, red-faced mess at this point, but he didn’t seem to mind. He simply kept looking at me with that disarmingly sweet smile of his.

Never in my life had I met someone more determined to keep smiling in spite of all the world’s cruelties than he was. It wasn’t ignorance; his father was none other than the district’s chief detective. He was simply, genuinely, fearless.

“Hey, so...” His mannerism had shifted out of nowhere from confident to slightly less confident. “Will you be coming back here for the horticulture club meet this afternoon? I just remembered you mentioning that the other day, and if you are going, it’d give me a reason to go.”

A rush of giddiness took hold of me, causing my heart to thrum wildly within my ribcage. “Really?”

“Oh, wait. Did I just—” He laughed into his palm, then groaned. “Did I say, ‘a reason,’ just now?” I nodded, perplexed. “I meant, ‘more reason.’ That’s what I meant to say, obviously, because I was already thinking about going before you mentioned it.”

He seemed to be telling that more to himself than to me. I did my best to reciprocate his forced chuckle. “Alright.”

“Yep...”

The bell rang in the distance, signalling five minutes until the start of class.

“Oh, dear. I’d better be off.” In a rush, I stood up and gathered my things. “My next class is on the other side of campus. Bye for now, Link!”

“Wait, Zelda!” I halted. “So...are you going?”

I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my lips. “That’s what I had planned for today, yes.”

“Oh, spiffing!” His crow’s feet appeared adorably at the corners of his eyes, making my own smile grow. “I’ll see you then!”

By the time the memory had reached the end of its reel, there was a knife situated in the trembling grasp of my hand. Though the cuts were already a great deal in number, I’d barely even felt them until now. Now they stung like venom. In truth, it was most likely a result of the tears that had begun to fall upon the marred surface of my inner forearm. With this realization, my silent tears were only magnified into sobs of insurmountable extremity. The blade in my grip clattered mercilessly onto the desk. I was never going to see him again, was I?

As the salt of my tears mixed together with the little puddles of red that had formed, I caught myself staring blankly at the ball key sitting on the far end of my desk: the one Link had found at the scene of my godmother’s killing and had kept secret until the day before his conviction, when he’d entrusted it to me. Its dim, tangerine glow was just another painful reminder of how hopeless this situation really was.

Of course, being the spectacular mess of a person that I had become, I’d made the oh-so-wise decision to cut myself at the place where I carried out my chemistry experiments. With grandiosity, I oafishly spilled an entire beaker’s worth of fluid just as I’d finished wiping away the blood.

But just as I was about to go and fetch the mop, something happened that I never could’ve expected.

In the darkness of my apartment, the area on my desk where there had once been blood was glowing a strikingly brilliant blue.

I picked up the beaker that I’d knocked over. It bore the handwritten label, “5-Amino-2,3-dihydrophthalazine-1,4-dione.” Scanning the desk’s surface, something else caught my eye—something that could potentially be the “key” that I’d been searching for since the moment I’d discovered my dear godmother’s dead body.

The orange glow of the ball key, which had just so happened to find itself square in the middle of the splash zone, was being obscured by spots of blue light.

#my writing #fanfic #botw #zelink #botw zelink #zelink botw #link x zelda #zelda x link #botw link x zelda #botw zelda x link #zelink fanfic #zelink fic #zelink ff #zelda pov #detective au

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