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hussyknee · 1 year

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Guys, Z-library is back up, but it desperately needs our help.

Z-Library is one of the largest online libraries in the world. We aim to make literature accessible to everyone. Today, Z-Library contains over 12,140,413 books and 84,837,000 articles Z-Library has many servers all over the world. Our stored data now totals more than 220 TB! Every month, millions of people use Z-Library for their purposes — and that means we are on the right track. But it will be difficult to achieve our goals without your help.

As you may know, almost all public domains of the library were blocked in November 2022 by order of the US Secret Service. The inner infrastructure of the project suffered some substantial damage too. Today, we are still under unprecedented pressure. At the moment, Z-Library is going through the hardest times in all the 14 years of its existence. The library might work with interruptions, and we ask you to be patient. Be sure – we are doing everything possible to provide free access to knowledge for millions of people across the globe, and we expect you to help us with that and to support us.

But despite all the difficulties, the library continues to function and develop. We have recently introduced several important features: the new recommendations section, comments to booklists, the new web-site menu, personal domains and Telegram Bot, and more.

Your active support gives strength to our Team and inspires to work. Each donated dollar is not only money for us, but it is also the confidence that you really need our project!

On 15 March 2023, as in March and September of each year, we launched additional fundraising to project maintenance and development. We will be extremely thankful for every dollar that will be donated. Furthermore, UNLIMITED downloads (for 1 month) are available for ALL contributors who will donate during the fundraising period. The fundraising will run until 1 April 2023

Millions of people use Z-Library every month for their purposes — this shows us that we are on the correct track. But it will be difficult to achieve our goals without your help.

Please consider making a donation.

I know there's a lot of discourse around book piracy right now, but you know who absolutely cannot afford to buy your books in dollars, afford the shipping fees, or don't have access/ travelling distance to the kind of fully stocked libraries you have in the West? The Global South. Our factories make your Kindles, your phones, your textbooks, and then we can't afford to buy them from your corps that sell them at around 300% grate price, and half the books are not even available for our region. Our universities don't get your funding or recognition, and when we do sell our personal possessions to get the money and work our asses off to get admittance to Western universities, y'all use us as grunts, exploit us and pass our work off as your own. Worse still, you buy out our local publishing houses and shut them down.

You cannot imagine the extent of global apartheid and colonial economic order that capitalism runs on. Amazon cheats you out of royalties? We can't even afford to buy your books. A dollar can buy someone a full dinner here. These sites – Z-lib, Internet Archive, Libgen, Open Library, Sci-Hub, PDF Drive, LibriVox – they are essential to granting the global majority our human right to knowledge, education and access. Z-Lib is by far the best one of them all.

You will first need to sign up to Z-Lib and access it through the private domain link they send you. It's a simple process, and every little bit counts. You're a leftist that believes in equal access for all? Then literally, put your money where your mouth is.

#social justice #z library #books #free access #inequality #libraries #global south #capitalism #academia #white academia #amazon #publishing #reading #education #colonialism #decolonization #activism #knee of huss #piracy

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lemondaydream · 1 year

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011 . BERGAMOT — [ 𝚕𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚗 𝚍𝚊𝚢𝚍𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖 ] ...... DOWNLOAD NOW

It's been a while but I'm happy to bring you BERGAMOT. I made this back in August and I'm finally releasing it. The background images can be changed, this whole doc can have any vibe but I really wanted to make something angel-academic-heavy tones. Along with this template, you receive a free docs tutorial on how to edit it. Edit it in any way, shape, or form just please don’t remove my credit and link to lemondaydream.

These are meant to be only used by the purchaser or as a gift for another person. Allowing others to make copies off of your copy is stealing.

how to use

After accessing the full Google doc through the link on the PDF, select “file” and then “make a copy”

Do not remove the credit from the top and bottom of the template

how to edit

This template comes with its own tutorial upon purchase, read those instructions first if you have questions. They are on the PDF that is emailed to you.

The easiest way to edit and change any of the images is to right-click on the image and then click “replace image” in order to change it. Do not copy and paste images into the doc, it will ruin the formatting.

Some images might need you to first right-click on the image and click "select image" if it does not automatically create a bounding box. After this step, you can change it to be "in front of text" and then proceed with the instructions above. Just make sure to change it back to behind text after.

This document has "Drawing" elements! To edit the "drawing" simply right-click, "select image," and the box that pops up underneath has a button that says "edit." Edit will bring you to a pop-up window that will allow you to change the images by clicking replace image at the top right of the toolbar when clicking the picture.

Do not resize or paste any images into the doc, only use the method above.

The pictures on this doc are of Mishti Rahman colored with the PSD Most Ardently by Cavalierfou (with several layers removed.) The PSD is not included, please go support this fantastic creator to grab your own if you want. The background image and frames are from Pinterest.

Changing the fonts may cause tables to shift and resize, be careful in doing this, and remember, ctrl+z is your friend, if something messes up, immediately undo.

The tables are structured in a way that will move pages and elements if their limit is exceeded, if you need more space, I highly recommend linking to a continuation at the end of that space.

Thank you so, so much for your support!

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snakeoid · 8 months

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Sorry if this is weird to ask but what do you use for reference when you draw characters like zhongli? I've been trying to learn how to draw fat/old/non twiggy bodies in order to better represent myself and others and your art is a huge source of inspiration ^^; I just struggle finding things to study when I practice haha

i use the resource that is fat and skin folds by michel lauricella

i dont have a very articulate description but i think its a good book to read through to learn how to draw fat bodies and fat on bodies. there's a various examples of differing bodies and its organized by body parts like torso, lower body, face etc. i think everyone should read it. I dont have a download on me rn because i've kept it saved in folders for over a year now but I believe you can find a free pdf with minimal search

i use it less but adorkastock has a plethora of poses to practice from

i really recommend to just practice all around, I go back to the morpho book quite a lot, and I think learning about fat distribution and how fat naturally sits and folds on the body helps get a better idea of doing it w/o relying on references when doing your own poses.

and this goes for everyone out there, I think regardless on if anyone plans on drawing fat bodies, old bodies or whatever it's just something you should learn if you intend on drawing bodies at all yknow

#inbox #ok lemme change the tags bc my head went somewhere else lol #but when drawing bodies sometimes the best reference is also yourself methinks #i might not be the best person to ask this honestly im not fat im just someone who draws #if youve seen how many small edits ive made no you didnt im embarrassed for rambling again ok

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madsmilfelsen · 4 months

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Hello! I'm really curious, what books/authors would you recommend to someone who's new to writing horror?

Hi! Here is what I have on hand (minus my loaned out copies of my favorite book ever Mongrels by Stephen Graham Jones and Never Whistle At Night: an indigenous anthology of dark fiction which made me cry on an airplane and made the person next to me very uncomfortable, like she was just trying to build a cart at banana republic, apologies to seat 17B)

God’s Cruel Joke Lit Mag because I’m in them and will be in issue 4, too :) published either mid-January or February 2024– @labyrinthphanlivingafacade is in issue 3 with a great short story that I won’t spoil ***right now the magazines are available to purchase in physical copies but I was told all issues will be free to download as pdfs pretty soon!

Severance by Ling Ma (body horror but not in the way you think, the real horror is repetition and loneliness)

Wilder Girls by Rory Power (body horror)

The Female of the Species by Mindy McGinnis (adjacent the horror genre but a hell of a read)

ANYTHING BY STEPHAN GRAHAM JONES ANYTHING

We Have Always Lived in a Castle by Shirely Jackson (I read this for the first time last spring boy howdy, I also included The Lottery for its suspense)

Dean Koontz because my husband suggested it for the list— this was just the first title I grabbed, I think he said Patrician Crowell too but I was busy looking for Mongrels

A Good and Happy Child by Justin Evans (I didn’t finish this because depression set in shortly after I started but the first chapter plays with second pov which I really liked, I’m determined to read it this year)

Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn (I really enjoyed HBO’s adaptation)

The Girl With All The Gifts by M.R. Carey (likely the only zombie stories that made me weep uncontrollably)

Girls & Sex by Peggy Orenstein (non-fiction: explores modern young women navigating sexuality and because I have a thing for loss of autonomy— it’s been a few years since I read it but there is discussion of sexual assault, but I appreciate the expanse of her research and even included a conversation with someone who is asexual)

Black Leopard Red Wolf by Marlon James (got a chill just typing this out— the audio book is exquisite)

You’ll notice some nonfiction because, as a historian undergrad, nothing scares me more than man. The battles of Leningrad and Stalingrad are particularly stomach churning. America’s Reconstruction Era is full of acted out malice and under taught in my opinion.

An Indigenous People’s History of the United States by Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz

The 900 Days, The Siege of Leningrad by Harrison E. Salisbury

Enemy at the Gates by William Craig

(On the other side of WW2 I have a book of the experiences of German solider’s left over from a paper I wrote on the inadequacy of Nazi uniforms and how it expedited their failure in Russia, Frontsoldaten by Stephen G. Fritz)

Stony the Road by Henry Louis Gates, Jr (one of my favorite authors, try finding “How Reconstruction Still Shapes American Racism” Time Magazine, April 2, 2019, I used it as a source for a paper on the history of voting rights)

Bloodstoppers and Bearwalkers— folk tales of Canadians, Lumberjacks & Indians by Richard M. Dorson (published around 1952 but content collected from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan in the 40’s)

Raven Tells Stories: An Anthology of Alaskan Native Writing (I’m Alutiiq and the museum on Kodiak has a lot of stories recorded under Alutiiq Museum Podcast— my kids and I listen on Spotify)

I think the genre of horror is really mastering tension and playing on peoples fears which is why I included old school folk stories (An Underground Education had a great write up on the Grimm Brothers and the original fairy tales from around the world such as the Chinese and Egyptian Cinderella, as well as several different sections of funny tales, torture techniques, absolute weirdos etc etc) in this vein of thought The Uses of Enchanment: The Meaning and Importance of Fairy Tales by Bruno Bettelheim could prove to be useful

If you’re writing a character with Bad Parents— Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and Toxic Parents (it has a longer subtitle but I don’t see my copy anywhere) might be able to help you shape character traits

I reached out to @littleredwritingcat who has a mind plentiful in sources who recommended

The Gathering Dark: an anthology of folk horror (I will be picking this one up asap)

Toll by Cherie Priest (southern gothic)

Anything by Jennifer MacMahon

The Elementals by Michael McDowell

#book recommendations #answered #is that my ask box tag? I never get them and forget everytime lmao #I feel like I should have prefaced this with how I’m just dipping my toes into horror myself #so I’d love to hear what other people are reading too!!!!

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rpgchoices · 11 months

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Happy Pride Month: A queer game a day - 2nd June ENDERAL

For the 2nd of June I bring you one of my most recent obsession but also a special case. "Enderal" is a mod for Skyrim, so it is free and you will need Skyrim purchased to play it. But... it has nothing to do with Skyrim, it has its own plot, its own lore, its own characters. It is heartbreaking, it made me cry a lot, it is bitter sweet and beautiful. If the beginning scene of the game won't absolutely shook you to the core, I will be surprised.

It is a classic action rpg, where your choices will change the direction of the story and how you relate with other characters. You play as a character of your creation (male or female), and a refugee who was found on the ship they were using but was saved by a mysterious veiled woman... and now found they have strange magical powers.

During the game you will encounter different characters, some of them with queer stories to tell. And you can befriend and/or romance Jespar or Calia (who are both bisexual), both have extensive quests and amazing dialogue (and all the characters are voiced too!).

I also recommend to go in completely without spoilers, and it will be such a heart shattering experience. WHAT A PLOT. I AM OBSESSED.

But yeah, this is the bullet point list with all you need to know (careful that at the end there will be spoilers, marked in bold so you can avoid them).

A last small note I would like to add, this game really manages to succeed even in making simple fetch quests. Nothing is simple because even that character who asks you to grab a couple of herbs will have an interesting story to tell you.

You can understand how good the writing is... if I tell you that I ended up downloading the pdf of a book IN GAME (the volumes are in the game) to read it, so I could analyze it because it was amazing.

(small tip, the game is quite hard in combat, there are a bunch of cheats you can use, and you can even enable god mode. The story of the game alone is enough to be able to enjoy it even if you play in "story mode").

#enderal #skyrim #enderal forgotten stories #queer games #pride month #pride month recs

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sieclesetcieux · 2 years

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Book Recommendations on the French Revolution (the "short" list version)

(For some reason, the original anonymous ask and answer I thought I had saved in my drafts has disappeared? Did I accidentally delete it? Who knows with Tumblr. Anyway, good thing I screenshotted it, I guess.)

Since I am STILL working on my extremely long post series going in depth into recommendations, I guess I should really just answer this ask and give a plain and simple list, as it was requested -_- (Don't worry, the extremely long post series is still going to happen.)

First of all, let’s just say, again (and it really must be insisted on), that most Anglophone historiography is… not very good. There are exceptions, but not many. At least, not enough to satisfy me. Fortunately, some good French books have been translated to English – so that’s great news!

So here are my main recommendations:

Sophie Wahnich’s La liberté ou la mort. Essai sur la Terreur et le terrorisme (2003) which was translated to In Defence of the Terror: Liberty Or Death in the French Revolution with a foreword by Slavoj Zizek in 2012.

This essay basically changed my life, and led me to take the path I have walked since as a historian. Zizek’s foreword is very good in summarizing the ideological oppositions to the French Revolution (until he rambles the way he usually does).

It opens with a quote from Résistant poet René Char which perfectly sets the tone:

“I want never to forget how I was forced to become – for how long? – a monster of justice and intolerance, a narrow-minded simplifier, an arctic character uninterested in anyone who was not in league with him to kill the dogs of hell.”

Keep in mind that when I first read it, in 2003, the very notion of anything like the Charlottesville rally happening was still in the realm of pure fantasy.

Marie-Hélène Huet’s Mourning Glory: The Will of the French Revolution (1997). One of the rare books in my list that was originally written in English (!). I think a lot of it might be available to read via Google Books, but it’s worth buying.

This book is hard to categorize: it talks of historiography and ideology, and it’s overall a fascinating book.

It feels a lot like Sophie Wahnich’s first essay – it was also similarly influential on my research. It inspired a lot of my M.A. thesis. I’ve recently found my book version of it, and this book was annotated like I’ve rarely annotated a book. It was quite impressive.

Dominique Godineau’s Citoyennes Tricoteuses: Les femmes du peuple à Paris pendant la Révolution française (1988) which was translated to The Women of Paris and Their French Revolution (1998).

It’s the best book on women’s history during the French Revolution IMO. I really don’t have much more to say about it: it’s excellent. It talks of working class women, it talks of the conflicts between different women groups, it talks of what happened after Thermidor and the Prairial insurrections, and the women who were arrested. No book has compared to it yet.

Jean-Pierre Gross’s Fair Shares for All: Jacobin Egalitarianism in Practice (1997). You can download it for free via The Charnel House (link opens as pdf).

Another rare book that was originally written in English, and later translated to French, though the author is French! (I think some French authors have picked up that the real battlefield is in Anglophonia…) It’s very important to understand social rights, a founding legacy of the French Revolution.

François Gendron’s essential book on the Thermidorian Reaction: first published in Québec as La jeunesse dorée. Episodes de la Révolution française (1979) (The Gilded Youth. Episodes of the French Revolution). It was then published in France as La jeunesse sous Thermidor (The Youth During Thermidor). As I explained here, its publication history is quite controversial (though it seems no one noticed?). It was thankfully translated to English as The Gilded Youth of Thermidor (1993). However, the English translation follows Pierre Chaunu’s version – which didn’t alter the content per se, but removed the footnotes and has a terribly reactionary foreword – so be careful with that. If anything, that’s a very good example of all the problems in historiography and translations.

Much like Godineau’s book on women, no book can compare. In the case of women’s history during the French Revolution, it’s because most of it is abysmally terrible; in the case of the Thermidorian reaction, it’s because no one talks about it. And it’s not surprising once you start reading about it.

(You might notice that Gendron’s translated book, much like many others, are prohibitively expensive. I do own some of these so if you ever want to read any, send me a message and we’ll work it out!)

Antoine de Baecque’s The Body Politic. Corporeal Metaphor in Revolutionary France, 1770-1800 (1997), which is a translation of Le Corps de l’histoire : Métaphores et politique (1770-1800) (1993). (Here’s the table of contents.) It’s a peculiar book belonging to a peculiar field, and it can be a bit complicated/advanced in the same way most of Sophie Wahnich’s books are, but I still recommend them. See also: La gloire et l’effroi, Sept morts sous la Terreur (1997) and Les éclats du rire : la culture des rieurs aux 18e siècle (2000), but I don’t think either have been translated. Le Corps de l’histoire and La gloire et l’effroi also are nice complements to Marie-Hélène Huet’s book.

If you can read French, I really recommend the five essays reunited in Pour quoi faire la Révolution ? (2012), especially Guillaume Mazeau’s on the Terror (La Terreur, laboratoire de la modernité) – which I might try to eventually translate or at least summarize in English coz it’s really worth it.

The following books are extremely important to understand the historiographical feud and the controversies that surrounded the Bicentennial of the French Revolution in 1989 (and both have been translated to French so that’s cool too):

First, Steven L. Kaplan’s two volumes called Farewell, Revolution: Disputed Legacies (1995) and The Historians’ Feud (1996).

Then, Eric Hobsbawm’s Echoes of the Marseillaise: Two Centuries Look Back on the French Revolution (1990) which gives you the Marxist perspective on the debate. If you want to look for the non-Marxist perspective: look at literally any other book written on the French Revolution and its historiography (I’m not kidding). For example, you can read the introduction by Gwynne Lewis (1999 book edition; 2012 online edition) to Alfred Cobban’s The Social Interpretation of the French Revolution (1964), the founding “revisionist” book.

Again, if you can read French, I recommend Michel Vovelle’s Combats pour la Révolution française (1993) and 1789: L’héritage et la mémoire (2007). I have not read La bataille du Bicentenaire de la Révolution française (2017) but it might recycle parts of the previous two books, so I’d look that up first.

Marxist historiography is near inexistant in Anglophonia, because of reasons best explained in this short historiographical recap on Anglophone historiography and specifically Alfred Cobban (link opens as pdf), but there was Eric Hobsbawm, who wrote a series of very important books on “The Ages of…”:

The Age of Revolution: 1789-1848

The Age of Capital: 1848-1875

The Age of Empire: 1875-1914

The Age of Extremes: 1914-1991

Some of Albert Soboul’s works have been translated as well:

A Short History of the French Revolution, 1789-1799 (1977)

The Sans-Culottes: The Popular Movement and Revolutionary Government, 1793-1794 (1981)

Understanding the French Revolution (1988), which is a collection of various essays translated to English (here’s the table of contents)

While we’re on the subject of classics: I do need to re-read R. R. Palmer’s The Twelve Who Ruled (1941) to see if I still like it, but I believe it’s still positively received? I’ve never actually read C. L. R. James’ The Black Jacobins. Toussaint Louverture and the San Domingo Revolution (1963) but I’m going to rectify that this summer.

That’s a good way to segue into a final part.

Here is a list of books I technically have not read yet (I skimmed through them), but would still recommend because I trust the authors:

Michel Biard and Marisa Linton’s The French Revolution and Its Demons (2021) which was originally published in French as Terreur ! La Révolution française face à ses demons (2020). It looks like an excellent summary of all the controversies surrounding the Terror: Robespierre’s black legend, how the Terror was “invented”, the conflicts between different political factions and clubs, the Vendée, and stats on who actually died by the guillotine (no, there was no “noble purge”). (Here’s the table of contents.)

Peter McPhee wrote several good syntheses, the most recent being Liberty or Death: The French Revolution (2017). Others he wrote: Living the French Revolution, 1789-99 (2006) and A Social History of France, 1789-1914 (1992, reedited in 2004). Why 1914? The 19th century was defined by Hobsbawm (see above) as “the long 19th century” (by contrast with “the short 20th century”), or “the cultural and political 19th century”, which is regarded as lasting from the fall of Napoléon Bonaparte to the First World war.

Eric Hazan’s A People’s History of the French Revolution (2014) and A History of the Barricade (2015), which are translations (Une histoire de la Révolution française, 2012, and La barricade: Histoire d’un objet révolutionnaire, 2013). If you can read French, check out his essay published by La Fabrique: La dynamique de la révolte. Sur des insurrections passes et d’autres à venir (2015).

Just as a final note: this post is the equivalent of four half single-spaced pages in Times New Roman 12 pts. It also took two hours to write and format (and make the side-posts with table of contents) even though most of it is already written in several drafts – i.e. the long post series of in-depth recommendations, so that gives you an idea of why that other series of posts is taking so long to write.

I’m going to go lie down now. -_-

ETA: Corrected some typos and a link that didn't quite go to the right place.

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gomzdrawfr · 9 months

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Hi Gomz! Been so inspired by your art, I'm considering picking up digital drawing again haha. What device and app do you use? What would you recommend if I wanna restart drawing? Would be great if you can answer with doodles :D thanks!

Hello Cumi! Thank you very much for this ask, to think I can inspire other people with my doodles means a lot to me <;3 ((def not cryin rn))

In this ask response, I'll include some links that you can check out for the appropriate stuff! I hope you can understand some things by the end of it :D

Disclaimer: im no professional, so most of this is just based on my experience!!

Okie dokie first off:

What device and app do I use?

I draw using a drawing pad, the Deco Mini7 on my laptop, and I use Krita to draw :3

Krita is free to use! You can download it here, or if you can afford it, clip studio paint is definitely a popular choice out there, some people use adobe too!

I will say it may seem complicated at first BUT it is relatively easy to learn once you get the hang of it, there have a full tutorial on their website with videos included if you wanna know more! digital art apps usually works the same way, once you get the fundamentals you can draw on any app tbh

Or if you do want to start using Krita, then you can send me another ask in the future and I'll share you my tips and tricks (which are honestly pretty scuff HAHA))

Other recommendation if you want to draw on phone/tablet/ipad!

2. I know you didnt ask this, but I wanted to share my experience starting out with digital painting/using the drawing pad for the first time

the thing about digital painting is that there's a lot of features here and they serve to make the process easier, but it can be quite overwhelming when you start off! examples are layers

drawing pad also means getting used to not looking at the pad and the screen at the same time + getting used to the pen, I had a hard time with it but the more I use it, the more i got used to it :D

funnily enough, I actually gotten this drawing pad bcuz I started using lecture notes online through pdf and such xD

3. What would you recommend if I want to restart drawing?

Not really sure what you mean about restarting, but Im assuming like finding a new artstyle or trying out different art medium is it? (like from traditional pencil doodle to stylus pen) but if you mean literally restarting then uhhhh XD I guess you gotto start drawing then haha?

I think my motto when it comes to drawing is that no matter what it is, just do it

"its gonna look bad" its okay bcuz at least I drew it, yk? xD the thing with art is the more you draw, the more you're familiar with it, the less intimidating it will become(tho it can still be scary, but hey! baby steps right?)

perhaps what I would recommend is testing out all kinds of artstyle, ask yourself:

what am I going to draw? ex: I wanna do self potraits! I wanna do silly doodles of my favourite characters!

what style do I wanna do? ex: Chibi, non-chibi, landscapes

Sometimes, you won't know those answers to those questions until later on, which is exciting dont you think? one day I said "im gonna draw Ghost in full gears" then the next I decided "actually nah screw that im gonna make Ghost cute" -w-

didchu know my first few digital doodles were done on OneNote? haha yes! and on my lecture notes nonetheless pfttt (this was around october 2022)

When in doubt, always ALWAYS start small and simple. Draw a circle, draw a blob, anything! Make it manageable :D

You can, of course, challenge yourself and go big! the most important key is you're drawing for yourself :3 and you should do something you're happy with!

well, sometimes there are moments where you wont like what you draw or artblock, when it comes to those time Id recommend taking a break xD

Finding your artstyle is an ever growing journey, I would suggest looking through websites like Artstation or Pinterest and collecting artstyle that you like! then learn from it, replicate it, trace it(AS LONG AS YOU DONT CLAIM IT AS YOUR OWN AND YOU DO IT FOR PRACTICE PURPOSES!!!) and study it :3

like heck I just found a new artstyle yesterday literally HAHA so you know, enjoy the fun!

4. Other helpful links and video for starting out digital painting:

Marc Brunet, has a ton of tutorials that are useful! my fav one being this one about face drawing and cell shading

Bluebiscuits, very cute artstyle and the videos are always soothing and calming to watch! they did this video about finding your artstyle which I highly recommend! their face drawing tutorial is also really good :3

I also watch tppo occasionally, his video focuses more on how he study other people's artstyle and then implementing it on his own! If you like art studies you can give it a go, like this one!

practice, practice and practice! things like art takes a while to master and get happy with :) like i said, keep trying and dont forget, all of this is for fun!

have a good day! feel free to ask me anytime if you want if you want some clarification <3

#gummmyspeaks #ask response #thanks for the ask <3

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transcarcinization · 2 years

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novels 4 free or cheap

I saw a video on youtube about barnes and nobles that really annoyed me so if you read a lot and dont want to pay full price for books here’s my personal list of places I check first. this is NOT for textbooks its novel/fiction focused there are enough textbook resources

FREE:

1) libby. libby is an app that lets you check out ebooks/audiobooks from your local library. you need a library card for it to work (this is free!! get a library card!!) and you can have multiple cards on the app if you have multiple. this supports the authors of whatever you’re reading and automatically tracks what you’re reading for you, its really nice. the only issue is you are restricted to the books your library owns. hoopla is the same thing but better for comics/graphic novels (that’s a whole other ballgame)

2) pirating: we all know about sci-hub but for fiction/novels i check lib-gen first. if you like reading on your phone i recommend getting an epub reader app, theres several free ones, this is much better than reading a novel from a pdf trust me. sometimes just googling ‘[book] epub’ also gets kind folks dropping the download link on twitter. this obviously does not support the author at all.

‘but i hate reading on my phone and want to own the actual book’ i understand you. don’t use amazon. the following places are for real physical books and so cost money

CHEAP:

3) thriftbooks is a site for used books and where i check first when i need a specific book. it doesn’t always have a used version of the book you want but sometimes they do. abebooks is basically the same thing but better for textbooks (regularly much cheaper for textbooks than amazon!)

4) if you just want books and don’t care what book it is, or you want a classic book that has had 400 editions printed, see if there’s a used bookstore near you. they are more common than you think and i regularly get books for <$5, sometimes 50 cents. this is where 80% of my books come from

5) bookshop is my last resort, as it sells (new) books full price, but if i absolutely cannot find a book used, this is better than amazon: it’s basically a storefront for independent bookstores.

#i dont know if anybody needs this but seeing people genuinely not know about these things makes me sad #i basically run down the list in this order for anything i want to read #textbooks and comics are slightly different lists #ref #also STOP FUCKING USING AMAZON ITS NOT EVEN THE CHEAPEST OPTION

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justsomeguysadvice · 11 months

Text

RIP FF.net: How to save your favourite fic as an epub.

So since FF.net seems to have been shut down, I’ve seen a lot of posts about backing up your favourite fics.

Just a quick FYI, m.fanfiction.net still works, for now. FF.net bookmarks on AO3 also seem to work. But get in quick to save your favourite fics because who knows how much longer those links will last.

EDIT: @kagenoneko has helpfully let me know that FF.net is not gone; to access the desktop version of the site all you need to do is add www. before fanfiction.net. So “www.fanfiction.net” instead of just “fanfiction.net”.

Now, the quickest and easiest way is to use AO3′s download epub option.

But if you’re like me and you don’t like how the file is organized/laid out (theres no cover!), or you love a fic on a site that doesn’t have that option coughcoughLiveJournalcoughcough then heres some guy’s guide on how to turn your favourite fics into epubs.

First of all, a download list:

Calibre (yeah, you can convert files to epubs online, but Calibre lets you customise the e-book metadata that your device uses to organize files.)

Firefox add-on “Absolute Enable Right Click & Copy” (Don’t use Firefox? Google “Download Firefox”)

Microsoft Word or LibreOffice (LO is free and just as good as MW!)

But wait, random guy on the internet! What is the add-on for? Well, FF.net thinks it can stop you from highlighting and C&Ping text. FF.net is wrong.

Anyway.

Now that you’ve got your software, go ahead and C&P the fic into MW or LO. I recommend adding a page before the fic with some general information. This helps you remember all that useful information on the fic page. Below is what my first page looks like:

(Am I using a Naruto fic for this guide? Yes, yes I am. I’ve reached a point in my life where I have no dignity and no shame.)

Save that bad boy to your documents. Do not change the fic, remember it isn’t your work!

Now, open up Calibre.

Go to “add books” in the top left corner. Calibre accepts .doc, .docx, and .odt (LO’s file extension).

Now, at this point, the information boxes should be empty of everything except the title and, maybe, the author. If the author is wrong, chill, MW and LO sometimes save you as the author. Just change it to the correct author.

Anyway, now you get the fun fun job of reopening the fic page if you closed it. (Or, if you’re smarter than I was when I was figuring this out, you left it open. Go you!) Go over one button from “add books” (Or hit that right mouse button and go to “Edit metadata” then “Edit metadata individually”).

Most, if not all, of the information you need should be on the fic page. Some sites, like LiveJournal, will not have a lot of info, so you might need to wing it. You will need to create your own cover if you want one (look at my quickly thrown together one, they don’t need to be perfect. Mine has just enough info for me to know what fandom the fic is from).

The comment section isn’t very important, whatever you add there doesn’t show on the epub. I personally like to had the quick summery from the info page mentioned above.

Once you’re happy with the information you’ve added, hit “ok”. The row should look something like this (give or take whatever columns you have (I’ve personally removed some)):

Still happy with the info? Sweet! Time to move on to converting the file. Two buttons over from “add books” is “convert books”. Clicky.

One final chance to be really REALLY sure you’re happy with the info added, double check that the outcome format is epub (pdf is also there if you want it, but for e-books, epub is best. Reading something made of images like manga? I suggest pdf. But I also suggest a different program for pdfs.)

Still happy? Yay! Click “ok”. In the lower right corner, an arrow will appear over “Jobs: 1″. You can click “Jobs” if you want, but the conversion should only take a few seconds. If you click it, you’ll get this pop up:

Hide your old jobs if you want, its not overly important. I do it to stop the list looking to busy.

Once your file is converted, it’ll be saved where ever you stuck your Calibre file. Mines in a book file where I keep my ever growing collection of epubs and manga pdfs.

Upload that bitch to whatever your device is, however you upload files to your device. Personally, I rename the file to “Author - Fic Name” then drag and drop it into books on iTunes.

And boom:

You can also now change the settings to your preferred reading settings.

Now, enjoy your fic without worrying about it being deleted, or the site its uploaded to going down.

#Fan Fiction #fanfiction net #ff.net #epub #fandom #AO3 #Archive of our Own #Life Journal #fanfiction.net

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sleepy-shutin · 2 years

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thank you so much for the hopeful response on recovering without therapy. it means a lot coming from someone who also cant afford it. i do have the dbt skills workbook pdf , if you have any others id absolutely appreciate them. you for real made a little light in my week thank you.

for starters, my two top websites for getting any books for free to read are z-library and openlibrary. you can download free PDFs of almost any book imaginable on z-lib, and on openlibrary, you can "borrow" books for about an hour at a time, and generally books on DID aren't going to be in huge demand, so they can be easy to find and read.

what i look for specifically are books about treating and self-help with DID. my recommendations are generally based on my personal experiences with these books, and some of what others have said.

-"got parts" by ATW is pretty good with several things here and there, but has some pretty poor advice for dealing with persecutors that is not at all recommended, so keep that in mind. it's a book written about managing life with DID, written by a person with DID, and it's a popularly recommended one, (though, not the only one). this book in particular helped me figure out how to set up a meeting area internally, how to schedule system meetings, and how to figure out having a journal-thing with everything important in it, (i.e. everything from my work schedule, to my actual journal, to my list of parts and other things, etc. it's a 3-ring binder-zipper-case-thing with dividers and pockets, and a handle and strap, and it's filled with filler paper i got from the office supplies section. highly recommend)

-"healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors" by janina fisher is a book you might've seen a bunch of snippets from in the DID community. it's a very famous book about trauma and parts work, and has helped and continues to help me remember and figure out how to empathize with my parts and understand their motivations better.

-"the body keeps the score" by bessel van der kolk is another incredibly famous book about healing trauma. one of my friends continuously cites it and sings its praises, and describes it as a very hard-hitting book.

-"understanding and treating dissociative identity disorder" by elizabeth howell is a book that i'm fairly sure was originally intended for therapists to better understand and treat DID patients, but i believe it does a great job at going into the history of DID, shitting on freud and getting into more clinical aspects of DID, and talking more about it from the therapist's perspective, which i personally find really interesting.

i hope these recommendations can help you get started in reading more into DID and helping yourself heal.

#ask #anon #advice #books

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altruistic-meme · 1 year

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hiii

ok SO

a lot of your posts are about aftg and i looked it up and it sounds good but my library doesn’t have it and it’s not really anywhere online

i saw it’s on apple books for FREE (usually apple books cost a lot) but i don’t know if it’s a scam or something (even though it’s through an app directly from apple, im still paranoid about this kind of stuff because a couple months ago my phone was hacked and every day i live in fear)

i was wondering if you know anything about that? where did you read the books?

you seem like you know stuff

are free books on apple books safe? do you know if they’ll charge you money later?

sorry this is a lot of questions i just can’t find anything about it and wondered if you know anything

ahh ok bye (you can completely ignore this ask if you want) <3

OH HI!!!!!

aftg is an amazing series im always glad to be the cause of people becoming interested in it 😌 I'll never be tired of asks like this fkjfkks

first as always, idk if you have yet but I will always say to look at the full list of trigger warnings for the books (here is a good one) and i am also available if you want me to expand on any of them, with or without spoilers

OKAY THAT SAID: I unfortunately know just about nothing about Apple products so I have no idea if they are safe and legit :(

when I first read the books, I ordered physical copies from Barnes and Noble, so I've always had those. I did also download PDFs for free from zlibrary, however, which is where I got my free digital copies. Though I know zlibrary is down now :/ [though there is a website that claims to be zilbrary by im not sure that it's legit, though it does also have aftg]

according to Google, its free on the Kindle store and on Kobo (though I'm not sure what that one is)

there are quite a few websites that pop up if you just search "the foxhole court free pdf" though I can't vouch for their security

if I could figure out how to, I'd absolutely give you the PDFs that I have but I'm not sure how to share them :((( if you happen to know anything about this though, let me know and we can 1000% do that!!

also, even if you're library doesn't have it I would recommend asking them if there are any in the public library system that they could order to have sent there! additionally, see if they have any ebooks and if you could maybe find them through that.

these are all the free options I can think of, but of course there are also options for buying them (though that will depend ofc on where you live and what stores you may have) but like i said, I ordered the trilogy from Barnes and Noble, and it is also available on Amazon (the first book is listed as about $9) and you can, of course, always check secondhand stores :]

that's all I can think of right now! good luck with your search and lemme know if there's any other ways I can help 💕

#askers #yesterdayorcenturiesbefore #aftg #shh ac

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writingpuddle · 2 years

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Your hashtags make it seem like you’re very passionate about your recent reblog about one story having a trope being fine versus the entire trope being bad.. I’d like to hear more about your opinion behind it if you wouldn’t mind sharing!

thanks anon! i suppose all my exclamation points were a bit of a give away. i should clarify perhaps that what i am passionate is less that specific topic than the general notion of statistics.

(this got real long and a bit meandering, but i will not apologize, because i think its fascinating)

we as humans are...really bad at statistics. honestly, thats being kind. we are terrible at understanding statistics. you see a weather forecast which says 20% chance of rain, and while you know, logically, that means there is some chance of rain, your brain basically reinterprets this to: It Will Not Rain. 20% is the same as zero percent. if it rains, then the probability was actually 100%, and the forecast was wrong. but actually, it was 20%, and some random winds blew just right and your campfire got drizzled on.

statistical literacy is wildly important for understanding large societal trends and also wildly undertaught. (i am particularly salty that a few years after i graduated my province removed statistics from the high school math curriculum. i love math, i really do, but while i think theres value in people knowing about calculus and the ways we can use it, most people wont have to actually use it themselves. everyone can benefit from understanding how to read statistics better. in our current society, its almost a critical survival skill)

(i also want to add a caveat which is that while i love statistics, statistics are also incredibly easy to lie with. no, seriously. this is part of the statistical literacy i am talking about. if you like reading academic articles, i recommend this one, which discusses how if you analyze the data differently, you can often get large variations in results. if the pdf is not free for download, the unpaywall extension will grab it for you)

(relatedly, this is why i am of the opinion that you should be careful of any statistic that is presented in only one way. This Medication Doubles Your Risk of Blood Clot! (the risk went from 1 in ten million to 2 in ten million))

so, statistics are important. statistics reveal a lot about society. but we dont experience life as statistics, we experience life as a series of events (or anecdotes). large numbers are not something that we actually evolved to understand very well. we process the world through stories and examples, and we have to learn to think carefully about numbers.

(even watch: i am about to use an anecdote to centre this discussion. i use it to place my point somewhere, because thinking about it in abstract is difficult to do without practice. but it is also falling prey to exactly the fallacy that i am talking about)

i was discussing last summer an incident in which a Black athlete tested positive for marijuana and was given a temporary suspension. she claimed this was a racist ban, and a bunch of discourse ensued. (please note: i am not interested in discussing the validity of her specific claim, which is why im not linking to a specific incident. this could apply to any number of similar examples, and others have likely done more in depth analyses of the particular event. i am using it as a rhetorical device to discuss bias and how it manifests, and am not interested in debating about this one incident. pretend it is a fictional example, if you wish.)

with all those caveats out of the way, here is why this is a difficult claim to make: in isolation, there is very little substance to it. there was a rule, which a person broke, and they received the standard consequence for it. its hard to argue bias when the narrative is so linear. especially if we assume the situation has no deeper narrative (as we know, often stories like this contain more blatant bigotry, while only the softest version makes the headline.) there is little to support the idea that this was a racist decision. moderates might see this and, without more context, think that its a lot of fuss kicked up about nothing. because on its own, it is.

what makes this a racist incident isnt (necessarily) that it was a specific Black athlete that was hit with the suspension. its that there is a trend wherein Black athletes are more likely to be tested, and more likely to be punished rather than dealt a warning.

which returns me to my point, which is the statistics. literally nobody involved in this specific suspension had to be individually racist, or have racist motivations. hell, this individual suspension could be totally ideologically squeaky clean of racism. but on average, in the system, certain people are being hit harder than others, and that indicates racism in the system. but its hard to tease out that racism because every individual instance of it seems kinda wishy-washy. the trend is only obvious in aggregate, and we are, as ive said, very bad at understanding the abstract statistic, especially when we can look at an individual event and label it (we think) clearly.

we focus on the individual rather than the aggregate, which is a natural, and very human response. rather than address the racism in the system, the discussion becomes primarily about whether the people enforcing the ban are racist individuals.

(i emphasize primarily because this is still a good question to ask; you want to make sure there arent any explicit racists in the system! but it should not be the only question you ask, because there are systemic factors that could produce this bias without a single outright racist person involved)

a lot of systemic bias works under this kind of...plausible deniability schema. this athlete broke a known rule and faced consequences. how is that racism? that femme gay man keeps getting rejected from jobs, but there are lots of other qualified candidates, and its not like resumes can really be objectively classified as 'better' or 'worse.' some people will rank resumes differently. maybe the other candidates were just more qualified!

but when there is an average of femme gay men having trouble breaking into a profession, or of trans women struggling to find housing, or or or or...then it reveals something about the structure of the society that is happening in. the individual incident may or or may not be a manifestation of bias, but the totality is. it is even possible the hiring manager who has rejected all these applications is, themself, unaware that they are subconsciously judging these men as being less qualified based on their voice and bearing.

ie. it is possible to perpetuate bias without any conscious malice. and it is very frustrating to our brains, which like stories, when we cant find a clear villain and hero. when its just an evil hiring manager, the situation is comprehensible. when its a bunch of neutral parties that all have the same cultural framework influencing their decisions subtly in a negative direction, its harder to process. and also a lot harder to fix. being able to point to an Evil Hiring Manager is nice because we can boot that person, and the problem is fixed. it feels good to be able to fix a problem, and systemic factors are way harder to actually address.

which is also why its sometimes very hard to criticize things like media trends (yeah, we're looping back to that original post now, im getting there) because we are so much better at processing individual stories than statistics. the problem is often not a specific narrative--ie. a gay character dying in a story--but an overarching trend--ie. all gay characters in stories die. pick one single story out of this trend, and you learn nothing. it may be that in isolation, this story is moving and beautiful, that the death was narratively necessary, that it spoke to a lot of people. individually, the story could be a net good. and so when the trend is criticized, those who enjoyed the individual story, rather than have a more nuanced discussion about what the trend reveals about how our society treats queer people, and how we subconsciously think about queer narratives, people jump to defend the one story in isolation. the point of criticizing a trend is not (or should not be, or generally should not be) to say: This Story Can Never Be Told. it should be to ask: why is this the only story being told?

the question when looking at a trend, or a statistic, should be: what does this imply about what is going on under the surface. and well meaning people who are anti-bigotry can fall prey to whats under the surface. hell, people who are members of the groups in question can fall prey to whats under the surface. i'll give a fandom example (since i do fandom shit on this blog).

now most people who are in fandom would probably agree that trying to label one member of a queer couple the 'man' and one member the 'woman' is stupid. theyre both the same gender! thats the point!

but when you think of your favourite blorbos...you know, right? even if you vehemently disagree, even if you think that way of looking at relationships is stupid...you know. you know which one is on average treated within the fandom as taking each role. even by people who are vocal allies, or who are queer themselves. maybe your instinct is to push this knowledge away from you, to claim you only know it because other people are biased, but you do know it. you are aware of the general trend. we cant help it. we are part of this society, so we know about it, even if we dislike it. and even if we dislike it, we can still accidentally absorb it.

heres a metric i find interesting: when constructing an au of a queer couple based on a het story, which member of the queer couple gets the womans role, and which gets the mans?

even the most progressive het stories still, on some level, have absorbed the cultural context we live in. most stories, not being the Most progressive, will be saturated with many, many small gender stereotypes. it will influence what careers the characters have, what type of choices they make in the narrative, how they interact with the other characters, etc. its not always blatant, but its often an undercurrent (and sometimes it really is blatant).

one would expect, then, that with a queer couple, sometimes it will make sense to mold the het story one way, sometimes the other. but if i look at my own fics that are based on het couples...both of them i have the same character taking the mans role and the other the womans. and i know that falls in line with who fandom as an average treats as the 'woman' in the relationship and the 'man'.

now, two fics does not a significant dataset make, but i also have no evidence that had i not started to think about this trend, i would not have continued to accidentally follow it. and i would wager if you did a survey of all fics in a fandom, you would not find a vaguely 50/50 split, with half the time one character getting one role and half the other, but some kind of skew in the expected direction.

what does this mean? i would hope, in reading either of the fics ive just referenced, few people would walk out saying 'that was homophobic.' the stories themselves are almost irrelevant to the discussion. but it does serve as a probe. somewhere, in the bottom of my mind, whether i want it there or not, gender and sexuality stereotypes are still fermenting quietly. growing like long-lived weeds in places they were planted when i was so small i dont even remember it. tiny seeds planted daily by subtle interactions with the world. being aware of this makes me a little more able to prune back some of these weeds. to interrogate my own beliefs and counter them. and it came not out of a specific homophobic statement or act that i made, but a statistical trend that would be too subtle to notice in isolation. if i look at each story on its own, i can offer very good explanations for why i made the choices i did. but somehow i still managed to blindly find my way into a stereotypical cave.

i use myself as an example because i dont want to point fingers and say: These People are being bad. its not a valuable way to approach narrative analysis. if you are looking at broad media trends, the goal is to understand what societal beliefs and motivations might lead to that trend, even if that wasnt the specific motivation of an individual creator who happens to fall under the trend. every single creator may, individually, have a very good reason for the choices they made. but the fact that we all made the same choice tells us something. and maybe what it tells us is its time to explore some alternative choices.

no individual story needs to be at fault. but it is very hard to separate the statistics from the individual, because our brains are literally programmed to focus on the personal. a story does not have to be bad to be part of a trend. pieces of a trend can be good even if the trend itself is bad.

which is a very long winded way of saying that bias is statistical, and people are bad at statistics. when apes started to walk around and start talking, there was no evolutionary pressure into understanding exactly what a percentage means. it takes conscious effort to not take statistics personally. your favourite story doesnt need to be monstrous to spend time thinking about why a popular trope it happens to contain might be rooted in something you dont believe in.

i will leave you with one final bit of wisdom when it comes to statistics: be skeptical of any statement containing absolutes.

yes, even this one

#discourse #racism tw #homophobia tw #transphobia tw #statistics #i love math and i really wish it was taught better #so many people would benefit from a solid understanding of numbers #but school focuses on rote memorization instead of interpretation #and it does us a major disservice #thanks for the chance to ramble anon #hopefully you dont regret asking haha #anons #asks

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till-neptune · 2 years

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June, 8th, 2022

So I need to really decide what this blog is about.. Yes in genreal it will be the prgress made on what ever subject I choose

Yet will this be strickly on that progression or will it be a proeranl blog?

For my first post it will be a mix of both since I cant decide and it will advance & evolve as I go.

First post

For the first time in a long time, I sat on a bench in a park without a swing. Watching the young leafs softly sway back & forth. Watching the clouds, envious over their graceful existence. Sitting & being okay with just existing is harder than it seems.

Well I guess it's time to properly introduce myself. I'm Donald Hughes, 22 laps around the sun, & A introvert. I'm more of a cat rather than dog person, Cold over hot. My ambitions right now are to become a writer. The way I would define that is by having an active project besides my blog. While looking around my local city website; I found a volunteer page. One of the things being writing a 4 page a month local paper. I typed up a quick email (expecting nothing from it) & hit send to the writing director. Surprisingly they are actively looking for someone to take over that 4 page a month local paper. Tomorrow at my favorite coffee shop thats right around the corner. I have a meeting with that very writing director. I have no credentials for the potions other then Ive lived most of my life in the suburban city. Even if I don't get to take over the project, I will find or make something else. In my thoughts "how hard could it be to start my own local paper?" In preparation I downloaded a few basic english pdf books from the internets. It's been a while since I last looked at the rules for English. It's fascinating how once you get a little bit of responsibility, It gives you a surge of motivation.

One other ambition I hold is to get foothold in photography, Particularly in real estate photography. Its something I've been wanting to do for a while now. Theres this person that has been doing photography since i was in high school. I messaged them & they gave me the recommendation for a camera & some lenses I should use for real estate. I remember always being told that I was photogenic. That I know how to take really good photos of myself. I know that it's not how I look but how I took the photo. I know how to see things & capture its aesthetic on a camera. I've done a photo shoot of my ex on my Yamaha MT-03. Edited them & when she posted them, her friends praised the quality. Other then that I've only done a few other shots & edits of my motorcycle in the mountains. Its a natural skill that I could profit off of. I know it's not a good idea to have that be the motivations behind something. Money is my biggest stress right now so it is what it is. I have a Iphone 11 standard, Perhaps I could start with that. Free commission so that I can build a portfolio to advertise. My first thought is to call a dozen or so realtors & ask if they want some free shots of a property they're showing. One thing I've learned while operating in the real world. If theres someone to call & past work to show. Thats as valuable as a college degree for a lot of applications. I'm not familiar with the linguistics of photography. The internet will provide me with some basics. I should go get started.

I'm gunna go get more coffee. Have a good rest of your day. Goodbye 👋

#studyblr #light academia #aesthetic #dark academia #bookblr #chaotic academia #cottagecore #library #books #romantic academia #bookstore #bookshop #reading #writeblr #female writers #writerslife #studyspo

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talenlee · 6 months

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Desert Bus '23 Game Jam Game: The Coffee Question

Okay here’s a weird, non-standard thing.

See, I made my game jam game. I put it on this site. I hated it and brewed about it for a bit. But i believe in tracking my mistakes as well as my successes, so I figured it was better being done and moving on. But then a few days later, before the jam ended, I got a different idea and wanted to act on that, and so I did. What that means is this article has two distinct parts.

Part 1, here, before the fold, is me just showing you a game and linking to its itch page. After the fold is Part 2, the original version of the article, which is written by a more bummed out version of me.

The game I made is called The Coffee Question, and it’s based on the idea of trying to remember a complicated order for the whole staff when you run down to get people coffee. It’s a small game, only 27 cards, and it’s fully cooperative. You play it in two rounds, and have to try, collectively, to memorise an order of the food you’re there to get. Consider it a lesson about writing things down. It’s also built around a lot of different references to what I think of when I think of Desert Bus and food, though some concessions have been made to make the things hard to remember.

I think it’s fun! I recommend it! I like cooperative games for Desert Bus, feels more charitable. You can go get it over on itch.io. You can also get it here:

The Coffee Question – DB2023 Jam GameDownload

The rest of this article is preserved for archival purposes, and the other game is there for consideration, but really, don’t worry about it. The game is fine I guess, but I was really upset by the whole process. This one also had the same kind of upset but after writing about how you should route around those problems, not doing that in my followup shows how silly I can be.

Desert Bus 2023 happened! I made a game for it! Here’s my game jam game for it! I am not happy about it! I have thoughts about it and my approach that are bad! I’m going to talk some smack about it but also there’s a free to play print-and-play game pdf in this post! It’s just after the picture but before the fold!

Download the Print-And-Play File hereDownload

Okay, there’s a Desert Bus themed game jam that goes with the Desert Bus Event. Last year I did it, and I liked it and I liked the game I got out of it. The game I made out of it was a game about THE ANTI BUS and what I made was a drafting game full of references to the day to day events and memes of that desert bus event. I finished it and moved on to this year’s, armed with the knowledge that no, of course nobody looked at my game, because why would they? Very few game jam games get any attention.

But this year the prompt was COFFEE QUEST.

And I am still mad about this prompt.

I’m mad about this prompt because I let myself be pushed completely in the wrong direction for this game jam and the result was feeling like the game I made could never work. The game I made, if you look at it, has a terrible name and a dumb theme. It’s about people doing the shifts of Desert Bus and doing things to keep the energy up of each scene so they don’t fall asleep. The person who plays the most energetic card each turn wins, but there are cards that change that relationship. It’s a very simple game where you pick one of your two cards, and they do something. Coffee is the one trump card in the deck that beats everything but the three anti-coffee cards. That’s it! The whole thing is built out of what assets I could use for the $2.50 I already spent on art assets.

I did not want to make the same kind of game I made last year. I wanted to make something different, with a different prompt. But the only feedback I got about what I was doing was that it ‘should be about Desert Bus.’ Which… isn’t the rules of the Jam. It’s really not.

Look, my thinking now, after I’ve done is that if I made a Kingdom Hearts fangame with coffee minigames in it, that counts. If I made a game about gundams fighting, that counts. If I made a Roborosewater Cube, that counts. If I made a game about surveying teenaged girls, that counts. The idea that you need to fit ‘Desert Bus, The Event’ in your game is stupid. It’s huge and it creates the demand that the whole game be abstracted until it’s literally just a collection of references. The idea that you need to fit ‘Desert Bus, the game,’ in your game is even more stupid. The whole point of the jam is to be open and the whole point of Desert Bus, the game is that it sucks.

But when I found myself, responding to feedback, thinking I needed to make my game ‘fit’ inside the confines of Desert Bus rather than responding to Desert Bus, I wound up feeling like I had to try and make a quest game, you know, a game about going somewhere and achieving something, that related to coffee, the most boring kind of g-rated personality alongside ‘weed guy who won’t say weed’, and somehow find the room for everything else in the whole event to be referenced.

This is stupid! I should have just said ‘no, I hate your feedback,’ and ignored it. But I didn’t, I instead tried to imagine a way to approach this impossible space of making a game in a week that was also a seven day marathon and a quest game and the most boring game in the world and do it in a way that made it interesting. What I should have done, day one, is discarded all of the feedback, and day two should have been spent coming up with a thing to focus on that I liked – something I liked in the whole idea space that I could play with. A coffee game, a game about how coffee tastes like dirt, a game that had a quest for going and getting coffee – a game about a barista on a quest, a game about building lego instructions where you can use coffee to burn through more –

Even then I hate these ideas because I think that coffee sucks and I think ‘using coffee’ in the game needs to be something that actively engages with coffee and doesn’t treat it as just a generic powerup or feedback button. Like, it wasn’t that I got bad advice about coffee games. I just got bad advice for trying to accommodate that initial feedback that it ‘should’ be about Desert Bus more and these things are directly at odds with one another.

So here are my lessons:

Don’t try and force a relationship to a theme you hate. You can drop jams. Nobody cares. Nobody cares if you succeed, if they care that you give up, then they really are fucking with you.

Don’t try and encapsulate bad games with your game designs. Make good games that interest you. Your interest is vitally important to the whole experience.

Have a ripcord. If you have to, if you’ve committed for some reason, have a good reason in your mind to get out of it and something you can throw into the hole and bury forever.

I hated this experience and that’s a sign I should have quit. I should have quit and wrote about quitting and how good quitting made me feel. Instead I made something that sucks and now I’m writing about how much I hated pushing through this experience that sucks.

Don’t do that! That sucks! Game jams are meant to be fun!

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

#Games #Making

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