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#i love these dweebs so bad
snowddeong · 8 months
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My fave part is you can literally tell their personalities from this picture 😭
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witchinatree · 3 months
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the differences in TMA and TMAGP are incredible
both had an existing story, TMA had the jonah magnus lifetime and the gertrude robinson empire but no one had experienced that. we didn't see what led to TMA we just learned it along the way. we had no idea what jon was getting himself to. TMAGP had TMA, some of us experienced it, we know what's coming, and the writers know it too
TMA didn't have some massive traumatic event behind it, there wasn't obviously (at least to my dumb ass) a secret slowly being chipped away at
TMAGP is more obvious, there's something that happened™ (mag200) and we're watching them learn what we already know, walk into the trap that we've seen before, uncover the secret that we learned
all of the writers are doing an outstanding job at changing how the story is written because of what we Know and idk i just really love these podcasts
also small side note, us being part of the problem is so fun, every magnus pod listener is an avatar of the eye and we cannot escape it anymore. we need to know.
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lady-ika · 24 days
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🪻🔮
If happiness was a tangible thing, it would be you.
If you'd have told me the feeling you'd bring, I'd think it untrue.
And people search for a wonder like you all of their lives
You still amaze me after all this time.
🔮🪻
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hecksupremechips · 2 months
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Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩
#the klock keeps ticking#yttd#i wanna replay yttd so bad but i also like Gotta play other stuff with the time i have akskks#but yeah the brainrot this specific character has given me idk if I ever really talked about it but it was BAD#i like obsessively played the game in like 3 days and it was not a good idea lol but just like shin#i had to take like a week to recover from this guy cuz i couldnt stop thinking about him and how hes just like me fr#first off just the very inconsistent personality hes got going on that is very me he has these different personalities he wears to cope with#all the traumatic shit happening hes both so helpless its comical and so manipulative its terrifying#and idk its really interesting how like good and bad he is at being manipulative like hes very smart and can analyze weaknesses and lie so#good not even he knows the truth but hes also grasping at straws he doesnt think things through at all#like the second main game he just didnt prepare at all hes fumbling his way through everything its going so bad#he just wants to go home he wants to outdo the game makers but hes being used by them so bad he wants it to STOP#and its just the way that like. it hits so hard cuz you know hes really not a bad person not at all he doesnt want any of this hes just#being horribly manipulated and doing whatever he can to survive but its also really scary how#well hes able to lie and manipulate and claw his way through but hes also weaker than a grade schooler#and you never forget that either and as much as he cheated his way through he still failed it was all just a cheap trick in the end#and all of this hits very hard like his personality is eerily similar to mine and just the way he thinks and acts#cuz im the same like im weak and a dweeb who likes funny cats but im also emotionally detached and observant and selfish#but where it hits the hardest is his relationship with midori like oooof that one was too real just like#the first person who was ever his friend was horribly abusive and treated him like a child and didnt respect any boundaries#and he just got sick pleasure out of seeing shin be upset and he was like. a groomer#and shin was fucking relieved when he died but also kept his scarf and adopted his personality to survive#and still goes by sou after ch2 and the scene that gets me the most is when shin ai is asked about his relationship with midori#and you can just SEE how horrified shin is because his deepest shame his abuse is being shared to everyone without his consent#and hes reliving it all in that moment and literally seeing who he used to be experiencing the abuse#he just curls into himself and like covers his ears and pulls his hair thats literally what i do AAAAAA#im just so grateful for the direction they took this character kokichi ouma wishes he was shin tsukimi so bad#and yeah just like damn. its scary how similar i am to shin like damn i really am going through it huh oof#I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I WILL DEFEND HIM WITH MY LIFE HE DID ALL OF THAT STUFF YOUR HONOR BUT LISTENNNN#have you considered that hes cute and smart and weird and maybe just needs friends who arent assholes
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wlw-cryptid · 1 year
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i should watch sleeping beauty again soon, i think i could dykify it in my mind real good
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"i think you need a doctor" he's working hard to earn that loser badge
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arodrwho · 10 months
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how to stop caring what people think of you
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hoonvrs · 1 year
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NOONA — p. sunghoon smau
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PAIRING younger!sunghoon x older!fmr
SYNOPSIS park sunghoon experienced love at first sight when he first laid eyes on his friends older sister. a series of sunghoon desperately trying to do anything in his power to get the girl and yang jungwon cockblocking him for funsies.
GENRE smau, fluff, highschool/college au, crack, sunghoon having no shame
FEATURING ( enha ) all, ( aespa ) karina + winter, ( txt ) beomgyu + soobin, ( loona ) olivia hye
WARNINGS swearing, kys/kms jokes, friendly bullying, dick/sex jokes, sunghoon crying every other chapter ( more will be added if necessary )
STATUS complete
TAGLIST (CLOSED)
S. NOTE adding this note here to remind everyone to not spam like! it shadowbans my posts and lessens my engagement, enjoy <3
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PROFILES loser lamo wannabe | WOMEN IN STEM (and man) | privs
CHAPTERS
01 | BLONDE JAKE HATE PAGE
02 | surprise shawty!
03 | what’s her name, quickly
04 | why’s he kinda…
05 | not a virgin anymore
06 | all da virgins mad😹
07 | do it for noona
08 | he’s out of line. let’s kill him.
09 | we both crode (+written 0.5k)
10 | you are scaring the hoes
11 | not living not laughing not loving
12 | she won’t me
13 | sounds sus…
14 | hey dweeb
15 | me n her are like this🤞🏼
16 | you wanna kiss me so bad
17 | i’m bathed in his blood
↳ extra: can you fight
18 | never beating them delusions
19 | what the actual fuck dawg
20 | you scare me sometimes
21 | what did you just call me
22 | hoes be mad
23 | gotta make mommy proud
24 | HES SO!:&:@2’d
25 | no comment
26 | the sexy six (+heeseung)
27 | y’all
28 | messy girls
29 | a little birdie told me
30 | i’m better than her
31 | BRING HER BACK🗣️
32 | heart brocken
↳ extra: ask me if i care
33 | i’ll understand
34 | I WAS A LITTLE EMOSH
35 | is it cause i’m too swaggie
36 | imma dawg imma freak
37 | y’all hear sumn😰
38 | ruh oh
39 | liverboy
40 | what if i was suicidal
41 | omg hes fucking french
42 | girl what
↳ extra: i can fix her❤️
43 | virgin with a capital P (+written 0.4k)
44 | in big 20 23
45 | kill you’reself
46 | i hate virgins
47 | we’re breaking up.
48 | the ‘park’ date (+written 0.4k)
49 | YOU CANNY TRICK MEH
50 | i’m gonna eat him
51 | not you lying on my name
52 | back up missy
↳ extra: deez nuts
53 | WELL THATS TOO DAMN BAD
54 | shut up 5’9
55 | /sad
56 | have some shame
57 | elimination
58 | do it No balls.
59 | past tense of see. seew
60 | CIC
↳ extra: random
EP1 | proof or it didn’t happen
EP2 | his ass is NOT studying
EP3 | #SNOWAPPDIE
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copyright © hoonvrs 2023 all rights reserved
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miupow · 3 months
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⭑𓂃 GETTING STONED W/ TXT .ᐟ ୭ ˚. [ HEADCANONS]
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☆〜(ゝ。∂)txt x gn!reader ⋆ cw// drugs/marijuana mentions! sfw, tooth rotting fluff <𝟑 kissing, cuddling, implied established relationships
⤷ what i imagine it's like smoking with the boys . . .
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연준 YEONJUN
i imagine him high is a lot like him drunk lol
soft, sleepy, cuddly and just the biggest baby whining that he wants kisses now
likes using your lap as a pillow for his head, the type to nuzzle his face in your belly and wrap his arms tight around you-- won't you play with his hair? tell him what an amazingwonderfulhandsome boyfriend he is?
tries very hard not to fall asleep on you but fails every time
pls take care of him :(
finds the other boys annoying when they're high lol but still does it with them because they're his baby brothers and he loves them no matter how much they piss him off <33
cannot smoke without you because he'd spend the entire sesh going "where's my baby?? i wanna see my baby, i miss them so much :(("
수빈 SOOBIN ⭑𓂃
the kind to just stare blankly at the wall for hours
"bin, you okay?" "uh huh..."
probably gets sensory overload easily, don’t have too much going on at once or he’ll get a headache :<
soogyu is my dream blunt rotation im gonna be honest they're so fucking funny they just be sayin shit
high bin says the some of funniest things you've ever heard in your life but he has no idea he's even being funny
"why are you laughing at me??? :(("
gasps when you tell him you love him even though you tell him every day
“REALLY??? I LOVE YOU TOO!!!”
will get into the dumbest arguments, especially with gyu?? “what do you think would happen if you put a werewolf on the moon…” “what the hell is wrong with you??”
“no, dumbass, that’s not even how ufos work. look it up.”
범규 BEOMGYU ⭑𓂃
true delulu headcanon time here but hear me out okay
he's so crazy adhd brain high energy when he's sober but i feel like when he's stoned he's so. chill?
put a movie on or something and he'll be quiet for hours he's just so transfixed by the moving colors and lights
just wants to cuddle with you in silence or like. talk about deep shit
you honestly kind of love it because you'll have conversations about your future and your relationship that gyu wouldn't take seriously sober
he's very upfront and straightforward with his feelings when he's stoned, which is so unlike him
says some corny shit with stars in his eyes like "i wanna spend forever with you" and then regrets it later because he sounded like a dweeb
he's so whipped for you and he can't hide it :<
let him lay on your chest, playing with his long pretty hair, calling him beomie while he looks up at you with hazy, unfocused but so in love eyes
again soogyu = dream blunt rotation gyu is so funny
“do crabs think fish are flying??” type mf i love him very much
태현 TAEHYUN ⭑𓂃
this might be an unpopular opinion but tyun is absolutely the biggest stoner out of the five of them
i feel like he would smoke to relax, not necessarily to get high-- he's on stress overdrive 24/7, especially during comeback season,, he smokes to finally make his brain go quiet for at least a night
big social smoker but also enjoys smoking alone or just with you
i see him the most like his sober self, quiet and content and not really paying much attention to anything
normally you have to fight him to get his picture taken but when he's stoned he'll just let you shove a camera in his face and you love it sm,, "tyunnie!! baby! smile!"
very content with letting you sit on his lap while he zones out, nuzzling his neck-- he loves feeling needed, loves taking care of you
thinks everyone else is very entertaining, just enjoys watching his brothers act like idiots
he's such a bottled up guy, doesn't like to show or talk about how he's feeling ;; but he'll open up easily once you get him loosened up
휴닝카이 HUENING KAI ⭑𓂃
i want to smoke with this boy so bad. it's not even funny.
he's so cuddly and sweet and giggly,,, i lob him,,
he gets too out of it to kiss you so he makes your plushies kiss eachother instead hehe
kiss his freckles :< just give him so many smooches all over his face while he laughs that it tickles
spooning is a need not a want. he'd rest his chin on the top of your head and hold you soso close while you lay on his bed watching a movie ;;
like soobin he probably gets overstimulated easily,, he needs the lights off and he likes when you wear soft/fuzzy clothes,, ur his plushie now :<
will not let you get up for anything at all. will literally follow you to the bathroom and wait outside of the door like a puppy
SOOO much skinship he needs to touch and be touched so badly
goes totally nonverbal when he's stoned. will not say a word for hours
TUMMY RUBS also lays his head on your belly ;;
thinks literally everything is funny. show him a picture of like. a horse and he'd laugh at it
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anniebass · 6 days
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baby don't be mad
1.3k word actverse ficlet under the jump rating: M tags: dialogue-heavy, beginning of the relationship, the boys are arguinggg, old man eddie's being a clueless slut, and also a dweeb, and steve's being... a person that rly needs therapy lol
Rapid catchups, they name it, though it doesn’t really need a name, it’s basically just talking. Early on Eddie realizes he doesn’t know all that much about his sexy old-but-new long distance serious boyfriend, that he possesses a fuckton of outdated information, that, duh, people change, especially in the long-ass time they spent apart. That the habits and opinions of a twenty-year-old shithead don’t necessarily last until someone’s forties.
That evening, they do the rapid catchups, starting off easy, prompted by the takeout dinner they have at Steve’s: best Asian food, go, at which without a second thought Steve says Chinese, while Eddie goes with Japanese, love me some sushi, yum. Later, when they’re full of kung pao and mapo tofu, lazily digesting on the couch, half-watching an old movie where Sharon Stone saunters across the screen and smolders at bad men, Steve says: you have to sleep with a woman, any woman in the world, dead or alive, go.
Eddie groans and slides down the couch, throws his hands up: dude, I don’t know! Uh, like maybe— Cleopatra? Or maybe one of those amazonian greek warriors with one boobie?
So, no one you actually know the face of? he says, with a little smirk.
Man, I don’t— I mean, there are some beautiful women walking this earth, like stunning stunning women I can’t get enough of, but that don’t mean I want to fuck them! My willy shrinks at the thought, he explains meekly, and shrugs, clicking his tongue: I dunno, maybe Eartha Kitt? She seems very fun.
Good choice, mutters Steve, and to Eddie’s your turn he tilts his head, scratches his nose: I don’t know if that question really applies to me. But if I had to have a sex list, it would be… Linda Evangelista? Or Sharon, she’s hot. Or— yeah, Monica Belucci, Jesus. Her, definitely. If not her then Cleopatra, that’s actually a great answer, she must have been good for all that shit to go down around her, he says with a smile, and Eddie sighs dreamily, oh, I’d love to watch. From the closet, imagine myself in her place. In a little egyptian wig, he adds, to which Steve snorts, rolling his eyes.
Alright, my turn. Best casual sex you’ve ever had, go, says Eddie, and Steve hums at that, leans back on the couch, rubbing his chin, mumbling under his breath, until he sighs and says: I actually didn’t have that much of it beyond my teens, and what I had back then was very… teenaged, y’know. And in that short gap between my first and second wife I slept with just three people, two dudes and one woman, and neither of those was mind-blowing. The guys were kinda disappointing, I thought after so many years of straight sex I’d be blown away, but it was just… okay. Actually—, he adds, shaking his head: it sucked. I was drunk, they were drunk, I don’t remember much of it. Or don’t want to. I remember stinky balls. So, I dunno—, he says, and sighs, and glances at him: am I a big loser if I say the best one was when we reconnected? Could say it was still casual back then, right? When we fucked in the church, or by the pool, or—, yeah, there was a lot of it, on that trip.
It really was magical, agrees Eddie, smiling at him.
So, uh, your turn, says Steve. Best you've ever had, go.
Oh, man, mutters Eddie. I know my answer to that. Japan, in the mid-nineties. We were on tour and stayed for a few nights in Tokyo, and I got to explore the city, research shit with the help of a very discreet translator, and finally, on our last night there, I ended up in a gay bar. Very hush-hush, a basement place hidden away in some grimy back alley, he says, lowering his voice into sultry tones of gossip. Met a guy there, this… slightly chubby middle-aged businessman type, suit and tie and briefcase, wedding ring on his finger, very regular looking guy, and we drank sake through the night, sang some karaoke, and ended up in some seedy by-the-hour love hotel. He didn’t know who I was, didn’t speak a lick of English, I was obviously drunk, but I still remember that night like it was yesterday. God, just— the way that guy fucked me, the way he seemed to know every inch of my body without having seen it before, the way he just knew what I wanted without any language, it was insane. We did it a few times that one night, practically without stopping, and never saw each other again. I actually jerk off to that memory to this day.
To this, Steve lets out a small hm, purses his lips and leans back, crossing his arms, and Eddie clicks his tongue, leaning closer, touching his shoulder: aw, don’t be jealous. That was casual, but out of all people, of course you are my number one, no contest. I just— remember that one time in Japan, because it worked so well without language, and that’s always kinda hot. Language of love, all that cheesy stuff. Up to that point and following it, it'd mostly happen with some hot Brazilians.
Okay, he says.
Eddie sighs, watching his face: Steve, you know that’s what my life was like back then, this neverending barrage of hookups. And most of those weren’t even that good, like, you talk of stinky balls? I met dozens, slobbered over them anyway like they were fucking Ferrero Rocher!, he says to a small groan in return, then sighs, speaks softer: being with you is a completely different quality from that, even from my previous relationships. It’s way different. With Marcell, we both slept around, there wasn’t much that we had in common beyond, like, incredible attraction at the beginning, and the fact that we work in the same industry, could endlessly talk about that. And with Zu, we— we really loved each other, but we weren’t a good fit. It was this weird thing where she needed someone more masc, but also I needed someone more masc, he says with an amused scoff. We were two bottoms in love, and it’s hard to make it work in the long term, without fucking other people. We’re way better off as friends. And the other dudes I dated, it was just— me being a drunken asshole, most of the time. I was a very shitty boyfriend for a looong-ass time.
There’s a stretch of silence, and Steve slides down the couch, still frowning: man… I just wonder why you asked that question in the first place. Because it seems to me like you wanted to brag a little about this incredible hookup you had in fucking… Japan. Do you miss fucking other people, Eddie?
He sighs, rakes a hand through his hair: Steve, I literally just told you I don’t. I might romanticize it, the— the way I might romanticize being on drugs, but I don’t want to go back to that. I asked because I want to know everything about you! I dunno, I— I guess I like Japan. It’s such a weird place, I really want to go back there, he says and inches closer, placing a calm hand on his thigh: come with me. Like, for two weeks or something. We’d take the girls with us, go in the summer or for the spring break. Would be cool to just wander around, shop, sing karaoke, eat tons of good food. Go to Kyoto, see the geishas, tea ceremony. Go to hot springs. Japan’s truly like no place you’ve ever been to.
I didn't know you liked it that much. A trip does sound nice, says Steve, with a small smile. Emily would go crazy, she loves those cartoons. Chels would like it too, I think.
Eddie smiles and squeezes his leg: sounds like a plan. Also, just to— get it out of the way: from the moment you first kissed me, I stopped thinking of us as casual. I was, like, fully fully back in love with you in point two seconds. Even before that, to be honest. If I ever for a single moment considered that a hookup, it’d totally blow that businessman out of the water. If you want, I could show you, uh, how I blew him out of the— fucking—, he falters, then snorts: sorry, failed metaphor. But you catch my drift.
Yes, please, says Steve.
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whoishotteranimepolls · 2 months
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Fandom observation nicknames and funny tags: Part One Piece
Okay, one piece fandom it's your turn and I'm going to highlight your creativity. Again this is not meant to shame or call anyone out. I am genuinely impressed with the creativity and you guys made me laugh. So again in my opinion these were too good just to be lost in the tags or in the anonymous messages, several you sent me. So expand post at your own risk. This one is unhinged
*updated as of May 4th with more tags and new characters
I have mentioned this before, but for some reason that is beyond me. One Piece fandom you guys refer to your characters as daddy and mommy (And it's in a kinky way) way more than any fandom. I think I should just start with the list of characters that have been labeled as such before I go into the creative names for individual characters. Because trust me who makes the list and who doesn't is actually funny.
One piece Daddy's: Shanks, Mihawk, Buggy, Sir Crocodile, Benn Beckman, Killer, Sanji, Rayleigh, Roger, Doflamingo, Rosinante/Corazon, Katakuri, Ivankov, Arlong, Yamato, Marco, Izou, Smoker, Garp, Sengoku, Zeff, Kuzan/Aokiji, Kizaru, Fujitora, Akainu, Blackbeard
When it comes to the One piece Mommy's: Nico Robin, Boa Hancock, Charlotte Smoothie, Charlotte Galette, Charlotte Amande, Vice admiral doll, Catarina Devon, Ivankov & Crocodile
Now due to popular demand the new category the One Piece Babygirls: Ace, Buggy, Sanji, Luffy, Sabo, Zoro, Ussop, Marco, Crocodile, Doflamingo, Kid, Law, Bepo, Killer, Mihawk, Shanks, Perona, Yamato, Kuzan/Aokiji, Kizaru, Fujitora, Rosinante/Corazon, Katakuri, Smoker, Robin, Nami, Vivi, Jinbe, Hatchan, Roger, Zeff
Now when it comes to individual characters there have been some interesting standouts but I'm just going to do some highlights because you guys have so many characters
Ace: "Depressed sunshine orphan boy with daddy issues", "ace has that grungy line cook riz you know he lays legendary pipe", " he got goofy older brother swag", "Beautiful butch dyke wife", "Ace my greasy fire narcoleptic king", "The narcoleptic babygirl", the greasy crusty desert rat. "He would be worth the burn risk", "my favorite fire donut", "something about greasy alabasta ace hits so different", "with his riz he's probably a walking STD risk but it would be worth it. Just look at him probably also probably got a couple bastard kids running around the grand line", it's ok he's still greasy in my heart worlds most feral baby boy he looks like he eats dirt I could fix him (force him to bathe regularly)
Arlong: "Y'all are too afraid to recognize the truth too afraid of his drip, his swagger, his saw nose, to admit that he's hot also live action arlong?!?!the only sexy fishmen," "arlong looks like a toxic florida frat bro," "I legitimately think there's something wrong with me sometimes due to how bad I want arlong the rancid personality enhances the appeal", "yall are p****" arlong is sexy put some respect on his name look at those lips the laugh the hair!"
Akainu: "The world's next top authoritarian," magma Daddy, "He makes donuts and I still love him"
Bartolomeo: "the man hasn't showered in probably a week he's obsessed with the strawhats he'll pee anywhere and he's an absolute dweeb he's like a stray mutt that followed me home look at his fit it's AWFUL AND FABULOUS he's gross and dumb and if something bad happens to this silly barrier- creating puppy i'll LOSE IT"
Belo Betty: "True story: Belo Betty made me, an Aroace woman have a sexuality crisis."
Ben Beckman: Dilf, "retirement blorbo", "Benn Beckman is a religious experience", "to me? beckman is the character with the most sex appeal ever. raw sex appeal. I would [redacted] if I met this man. just sayin", "He can ruin my life any day of the week", "Also lest we forget pre TS Beck a++ quality right there I just want someone smart who will also hit a guy with a gun is that so much to ask for", "This p**** wants what she wants and its always going to be Benn “back breaker" Beckman", husband material, "men are like wine in order to get a good vintage you want the one that's aged", he had that sexy blind and reckless loyalty about him", "Beckman is a fine aged vintage of wine as men should be", "DEAR GOD the things I WOULD DO to that man LIKE [redacted] and [redacted] because [redacted] and [redacted]", "idk how to explain it but he's so wife", "benn beckman? more like benn breastman ok sorry yeah anyways. said it before and ill say it again beckman exudes raw sex appeal like jesus christ. why would you not want to fuck this man ive had lesbian friends who said he would be an exception to them which is so real his tits are big he loves his captain he STUBBED HIS CIGARETTE IN A MAN'S EYE UNDER THE GUISE OF DEFENDING HIS CAPTAIN so fucking sexy mwah mwah beckman my wife you are so hot SO HOT. in conclusion benn breastman you will forever be a top sexyguy in my head oh also forgot to add. he canonically gets bitches which is so real. he could get me any day", "Oh dear I just realised I have a thing for older men with grey hair and have substance abuse issues I choose to believe lung cancer does not exist in opu", "
Buggy: Assigned clown at birth, walking disaster, "my pathetic sniveling wet clown", my Beloved, "he has blue hair and pronouns", Failboy, "the skrunkly clown", "my clown wife", "he has that fail boy cringe", "buggy has the stronger levels of foolishness and fumbling his way to success", "the cringefail clown extraordinaire buggy", "he is silly and pathetic like a bisexual divorced dad",
Catarina Devon: "my problematic lesbian sugar mommy”,
Cracker: "if Cracker just let his hair down he'd be unstoppable i fear", "get wrecked cracker", "I am so curious about the people voting for cracker let me study you please", "cracker getting murdered as expected", "you can't do my biscuit husband like that", "i find cracker really hot"
Crocodile: desert daddy, Babygirl, "He's like if tony soprano was trans", crocodaddy, crocomommy, Big titty mob boss, He's 8ft tall and I would let he ruin me,"Mr. Sandman", "the human sandcastle," "literally has sand in his britches", "son of a beach", "World's Most Expensive Sand Sculpture", "he's got 99 problems and his hook is one of them", "casino blorbo", "I would subject myself to sandburn any day for THE SIR FUCKING CROCODILE Anakin Skywalker don't go here because I WOULD love sand if it was like 8 feet tall and had a voice like that absolutely rabid he could stick his sand in so many places and I'd thank him crocodile is one of those guys i wanted to hate so bad and then went actually no i want this guy carnally Crocodile has some weird rizz goin on and i need to climb that sandcastle", "I'm so sorry but I need to eat crocodile's pussy", "With Sir Crocodile you can have Sex on the Beach. Literally. Plus he owns a casino so you could probably sip on the cocktail version too...while getting some cocktail.", "mafia vibes and style", "crocodile's got style. class. you will be wined and dined in the most exquisite way you can imagine", "He's got DADDY vibes", " One handsome mafia boss", "I love crocodile but also i wanna punch him and i feel like hes got the sandiest pussy/dick that shit will give me a rash", "my evilest baby boy", "Crocodile invented evil trans swag just saying", "im sorry az but crocodile was my dilf awakening", "in Crocodilf we trust",
Dragon: "the revolutionary scrungle dragon",
Doflamingo: "Dofy's got some wierd (potentially fun) energy but he would NOT treat you well he'd be awful", "The psychopathic pimp on a shoestring budget. Seriously dude, San Diego Zoo called and they want their flamingos back. That coat is so last season.", "fashion travesty", "Doflamingo dresses like an eye test and will probably steal your credit card by the end of the night not because he needs the money. because he finds it hilarious", "Mingo is just a spoiled frat fuckboy who's too full of himself to be interested in anyone/anything else", "a balding white man", "evil florida man my beloved they dont understand you", "Budget Pimp who robbed San Diego of their world famous Flamingo flock"
Eustass Kid: Pirate punk, "He's a sopping wet loser", "a man wearing eyeliner and nailpolish is by definition hotter", "my scrungy little fuck", he would also probably give me an STD and it would still be worth it
Franky: " Three words light up nipples"
Fujitora: "fujitora yes plz that like calm collected way he fights makes me KNOW hed take care of his partner real good", "have you seen how he slurps his noodles? I just know he could eat me out in ways I could never imagine"
Gol D. Roger: "the "Tom Selleck" of Pirates. He mustache'd the gold somewhere. You think these puns are bad wait until you hit my NSFW tags. Can't believe no one pointed those out yet, his name is a literal gold mine of innuendo. king of pirates? nah he's the king of rogering roger this roger that roger anyone he damn well pleases he has the D", "why does no one thirst after Gol like i do? youre all weak! cowards", "sorry but i am all about his dads mustache", " I can't be the only one that wants to ride that mustache"
Jinbe: "I wanna suck on the webbing between his fingers", does anyone else contemplate how soft Jinbe's tits are to lie on or is that just me?
Kaido: "beefcake beast of a man",
Katakuri: "I'm a monsterfucker at heart", "Katakuri is literally so good man he's a family man #he's badass he's got a great sense of honour you know I had to go for the mochi man", "donut king", "KATAKURI MY MOCHI MONSTER TEETH KING CHAMPION HUSBAND THAT I WOULD CLIMB LIKE A MOUNTAIN #I'M ALWAYS ON MY CLIMBING AGENDA WITH MY ONE PIECE KINGS!", "i just know this man would treat me right we love kata", "Kata definitely ticks that hot box"
King: "King is literally the most beautiful OP character you can't change my mind", "Gotta chose the melanin yknow", "king is so ajdhjdjdjchjd bark bark bark bark", "I saw King and decided he is my blorbo", "king of my [REDACTED]", " I know he's like 20 ft tall and I'm probably the size of his d*** but it would be worth it. I would gladly choose death by snu snu for one night with him"
Killer: "big tiddy murder boyfriend",
Marco: Bird daddy "Mr. Dr. Emotionally-Stable Scrungles", "surfer hippy electric blue glasses wing flapper", "DR. MMMMM", Fineapple
Luffy: "l am in the minority here I need luffy's gomu gomu no [REDACTED]"
Mihawk: The Vampire Pirate, Goth Dad, the sword father, Pirate Dracula, the big titty goth husband, "I think mihawk would treat you right. i want mihawk to treat me right", "I love his gay wine uncle energy", "I appreciate that he dresses Like That everywhere extra ass bitch", "hot vampire cowboy pirate", Morticia Addams, "Mihawk oozes 'step on me' energy",
Robin: "she has irresistible weird girl rizz", "big tiddy archaeologist gf"
Rosinante: "my insane clumsy tall dilf", "wife material", "he has cringefail dad swag", "rosi is everything to me actually. I would climb that tall clumsy king like a tree", "the klutzy mime", "he has that pathetic depressed clown vibe thats irresistible", "He's the epiome of strong but silent, he's the asshole with a heart of gold, he has everything", rosinante is hot tho and his clumsiness somehow enhances it", "I've said it before and I'll say it again I WOULD climb that clumsy king like a tall tree want to kiss him until his silly jester makeup is all over me too", "I am loyal to the guy who actively sets himself on fire",
Sabo: "bc he said killing woth lead pipes and then he just kept doing it its the crazy for me"
Sanji: fail wife, Cooking Daddy, "I NEED sanji to f*** me to tuesday and make me dinner before and breakfast after", "The man will feed you the best meal you've ever had and genuinely compliment something about you", "His fighting style is 'kick the problem until it goes away' and he chugs Love Women Juice", "he can cook and fight and he's damn fine while doing both"
Shanks: Margaritaville Himbo, "Dilflicious", "the deadbeat malewife wifi user", "I am a whole lesbian but if there were a butch girl version of these men I would let shanks ruin my life", "favorite guy in the local frat" He's probably a walking STD risk but he's hot and I'm a slut that has a thing for red heads, "the unwashed bitch", "LOOK AT THAT SCRUFF ON SHANKS the three scars on his face that smile", "my Scrungle drunk bastard", I would volunteer to be his next baby mama you know shanks got a few a dozen red haired children all over the grand line tell me I'm wrong"
Smoothie: "ah...smoothie....or as i call her... one piece tsunade Imaoo", "ultimately my desire to be crushed by Smoothie's thighs won out", "SMOOTHIE. THANK YOU mommy long legs... gauhggfghgh......i want her to juice me pleeeeaaaseeeeeeeeeee /silly",
Silvers Rayleigh: "Silver Fox Rayleigh", "he's old but he can get it", "Rayleigh has that 'your daughter calls me daddy too' energy", "he's a gilf who married a literal queen", "rayleigh has spent his entire life SERVING CUNT", "Raiyleigh has that gilf energy despite having no kids", I need him in so many different ways I cannot list", "he has my heart around his little finger", "Rayleigh makes me howl like a dog I swear", "I mean come on look at his HAIR his GLASSES that incredible STARE even his wrinkles are hot", "Rayleigh got the 50 year anniversary in the bag idk why you would go for anything else", "helloooo????? Rayleigh is the hottest old guy in one piece please", "I would let rayleigh ruin me and I would thank him", "Rayleigh to me is more like a really smooth mead", "genuinely may be the hottest man of onep just like. objectively", "rayleigh you will always be famous for being the most fuckable old man ever. there may be dilfs galore out there but ur the only gilf in my heart", "that scene where Rayleigh gets out of the ocean shirtless After swimming to the island of women I actually said Daddy out loud",
Smoker: "Smokedaddy", "Smokestack. 'Ole Smokey. Smokin' Hot Smoker", "smokers allergy to keeping his Tits covered compels me", "i do love smoked sausage i'm sorry i'll see myself out", "smoker he's just so beefy like fuckkk and he's like almost 40 i just wanna be smokers lil housewife", "smoker is a beautiful lesbian to me", "smoked sausage I just *know* he's got more to work with than a cocktail weenie", "SMOKEYBEAR PAPA SMOKE MY KING i would smoke him like a chimney if you're pickin up what I'm putting down wink wink nudge nudge he really would kill my lungs but it'd be a fun time", "SMOKER PAPUCHO RICO I NEED HIM", "smoker is solid (despite being made of smoke)", "smoker. smo-yan. ultimate "guy who is allergic to wearing shirts" and honestly? he's so right for that. he needs to show off his tits! in a one piece man boob ranking he's coming number 2 (after crocodile) i said this in dms earlier today but it needs to be released to the world "fat d*ck fat tits fat ass he has it all" smoker is PACKINNNNN in every way he's genuinely so attractive, even just considering him physically and look at his sexy facial scar also (beck also has one. very good) and his slicked back short hair.....not to mention the things that are very endearing about him personality wise - he does masculinity like NOBODY ELSE. genuinely NO ONE does it like him like. he's gruff but he has a very strong personal moral code and he really *does* care..... the man's a tsundere and he's never been cruel to those undeserving like in his introduction - kids bumps into him, spills ice cream on his pants YOU KNOW WHAT SMOKER SAYS? YK WHAT HE SAYS? "my pants ate your ice cream." KILL ME NOWWWWWW HES SO FUCKING HOT IM EATING MY OWN HANDS and then he GIVES THE KID MONEY TO BUY MORE ICE CREAM. jesus christ smoker big d*ick big tits big heart i fucking love him good god", "something something vague moaning sounds I would call him smokey just to provoke him", "
Trafalgar Law: "DR. Slut", "He has them tattoos which makes me go fucking feral", "A stoner greasy boyfailure", "the edgy emo orphan boy with daddy issues", 'My tried stressed bitch", "law is hot because hes pathetic has tattoos and is the narrative's favorite punching", "i am DERANGED over a depressed formerly-suicidal surgeon",
Yamato: "I need my trans man big naturals...... I know nothing about one piece but yamato lives rent free in my brain and my heart at all times the only anime figure i have is of him and i don't even watch the fucking show", "he's new + he's trans + he's over 8 feet tall + he's a wolf god what more could you want?!", "he is filled to the brim with TRANSMASC SWAG", "it's transmasc dog boy swag for me he's my best boy", "Yamato's boobs call to me I need to motorboat yamato titties. whoa who said that", "yamato could crush me and i would thank him yes indeed", "I just found out Yamato is Literally a whole entire meter taller than me & that's all the convincing I need", "my canon transmasc king", "cant compete with is the fact that on top of beautiful yamato is just. fucking huge like i can not will not get over it every time i remember he's 8'7 in canon I'm like aaaAaaAaAAaAAAAaa kiss me on the mouth big boy", "as an aroace person. if yamato stepped on me id thank him. thank you for your time", "hes literally the whole reason i started watching/reading one piece
Zoro: "The President of the strawhat's local big titty committee", "The king of boobs", "Beautiful butch dyke wife", I would probably get an STD but it would be worth it, "his stupidity and gay attire make him very appealing", canonically the biggest tits in one piece, He got them big naturals, "Big honkabadonkaroo hoinkybadinkirs massive man tiddies Zoro", "Zoro oozes 'I won't let anyone hurt you' energy", "zoro is hot because of his big naturals
Zeff: "He will wine and dine me before leaving me lovingly bedridden the day after. And he actually takes care of his kid", "Zeff is honorable and can cook and clean and bathes and almost dies for a kid that's not his and then adopts him" He's got line cook energy. If you know you know
I definitely know I'm going to have to add to this since there's so many more characters and you all are definitely going to get more creative after seeing the list.
And a few observations. Why did Sanji make the daddy list and not Zoro? Characters that I thought would be short cliff notes turned into some of the longest sections And characters I thought would have some of the longest sections turned into some of the shortest ones. And I still think this was worse theyn JJK I just forget how unhinged this fandom can be because your unhinged craziness is dispersed amongst so many characters. And I haven't decided which fandom's next.
I now have my answer on why Sanji made the list and not Zoro. Overall the fandom is just thirsty so very thirsty. Hence the many updates to this list
Commentary added as of May 4th.
Characters that I never thought I would ever add to this post are on here and I am so confused. When I started this blog, I was warned that the JJK fandom was unhinged horny and thirsty AF. But in my opinion, the one piece fandom is much worse. Just look at this post for proof. One Piece you guys are definitely the thirstiest fandom by far I mean Catherine Devon has a section. You guys just hide it better than the JJK Fandom. Plus I do regret challenging a few of you to come up with tags as a joke because you definitely delivered
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mediumgayitalian · 4 months
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“Oh, gods, it’s late.”
It’s the movement rather than the words that draw Nico’s attention; Will has been muttering to himself for hours. He usually does. It’s odd for him to stay quiet.
“Hm?”
“Curfew,” Will says shortly, strained as he flips upside down to store his book with the others under his bed. Nico grips his ankle, grinning, the dozens of times his boyfriend has landed sprawled on the creaky floorboards flashing through his mind. (He’s always so whiny after, embarrassment making his cheeks flush. Sometimes Nico just wants to — squeeze him. He’s such a klutz.)
“I could stay here,” Nico offers once he’s upright again. He tries for his most casual expression, leaning back onto Will’s pillows like it’s nothing, no big deal. He hears Austin’s snickering from the bottom bunk and subtly stretches down to kick him in the shoulder. “Might be easier.”
“I’ll walk you to your cabin. C’mon.”
Nico sighs, flipping his DS shut and climbing down ladder after him. Austin sticks his tongue out as Nico passes, so Nico flicks him on the head. Will watches them with a roll of his eyes.
“Teenagers,” he huffs.
Nico slips his hand in his. “You are fifteen years old.”
“In body. In spirit I am leagues beyond you. Sagacious. Wise. Enlightened. Uh —”
“Full of himself?” Nico offers. “Pigheaded? Conceited, perhaps.”
Will pouts. Nico laughs, slowing them down and leaning up to kiss it. He’s warm, even in the cool, late summer night, and he shudders when Nico slides his hand in his hair. His palms rest — hesitantly, as they always do, waiting for Nico’s hum of approval, waiting for him to set the pace — on his hips, fingers curling.
“Harpies,” Will mumbles against his lips. “Bad.”
“They’re afraid of me,” Nico dismisses. (It’s true. They are. It’s one of the many perks of being the son of Hades, he supposes, along with his knack for finding dark, private corners to drag Will into.)
“Yeah, but —”
“William. Può esso. Kiss me, before I lose my mind.”
He can feel Will’s smile against his mouth, feel his willpower — ha — dissolving.
“Yes, sir.”
“Good boy.”
As much as Will indulges Nico’s bossiness, grinning and saluting and letting Nico get away with things no one else would even push, he’s still Will. And after a few more minutes of Nico pushing the envelope, he sighs, pulling away, ignoring Nico’s huff and rolled eyes.
“C’mon,” he says softly.
Nico lets him tug them down the path to the Hades cabin, only dragging his feet a little bit. He resists the urge to sigh again — he doesn’t want Will getting guilty. He doesn’t actually mind Will’s whole thing about meeting curfew every night, despite his complete disregard for almost every other camp rule. He knows it has something to do with the example he tries so hard to set for his siblings, and besides — on nights where Nico really can’t sleep by himself, Will doesn’t hesitate. If he showed up pounding on the door of the Apollo cabin in two hours, wide eyed and wired, Will would have him ushered inside and layered in his lavender wash-scented blankets in minutes.
“Hey,” Will murmurs, sliding his hand down Nico’s arms to rest on his wrists, squeezing gently. “I love you.”
Nico smiles tiredly. “And I you, tesoro.”
He stands on his tiptoes and presses a soft, lingering kiss to the corner of Will’s mouth, smiling at his shiver, squeezing his hands twice before walking through the heavy stone doors. He watches out the one-way windows as Will lingers, grinning, hand pressed to the spot Nico kissed, before turning back and practically skipping to his own cabin.
Nico shakes his head. “Dweeb.”
His own smile makes his cheeks ache.
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jjuniehao · 1 year
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[11:42 pm]: lee felix
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“do you ever wish that we had met sooner?”
your boyfriend turns to look at you, attention ripped away from the movie the two of you were supposed to watch. his brows are raised in amusement, and the look on his face is urging you to elaborate.
“well, i just wondered if we would’ve dated if we met earlier than we did. would we even have gotten along? that stuff, you know.”
felix hums in understanding, pondering on your question for a little bit, “on one hand, duh. more time with my baby? absolutely, sign me up. on the other hand…” he trails off, grimacing a little.
you look at him in confusion, “what? was i that insufferable before?” he shakes his head almost violently, brows furrowed, “what? no!”
“it’s just that, i don’t think you would’ve dated me. i was kind of a dweeb.”
you snort, “was?”
felix gasps in faux shock, reaching over to pull you closer to him, his face only centimetres away from yours. “what’s that supposed to mean, huh?” while his voice is serious, there’s a clear fondness in his eyes that makes your heart swell.
“what, it’s nothing bad! i like dweebs. they’re cute,” you squish his cheeks together, pecking his puckered lips, “you’re cute.”
he squints at you, “yeah, now. you wouldn’t have appreciated me for who i was before i became the hotshot i am today.” you burst out into another fit of giggles, felix simply watching you with a gleeful smile on his face, eyes soft and heart bursting with love for you.
reaching forward you wrap your arms around his neck, pressing a gentle kiss to the tip of his nose, “you’re right. i’m so glad to have such a hot boyfriend who definitely isn’t a dweeb. i’m so lucky.”
he chuckles, “cute too?”
“the cutest.”
“i love you. as long as i have your future, i don’t care about the past,” he mumbles, pressing another kiss to your lips, then your forehead. “also, i’m pretty sure you were also a dweeb.”
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hangesfavles · 16 days
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Nerd Hange headcanons
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4.1k words. AFAB NB loser! hange x bimbo (ish)! fem reader. <3
Summary: Hange is more of a socially inept lesbian redditor gamer nerd rather than a normal ‘i’m smart’ dweeb :). These are general hcs of how you met loser/streamer Hange, things they like and relationship dynamics including you secretly eating them out on stream. <3
A/N: this is my first ever attempt at nsfw so i’m sorry if it’s bad or nondescript! also i know both of my fics so far have been for afab reader, but going forward i plan to write for a genny nootch reader just because i find it to be inclusive to wider groups of hange lovers <3 lol and last time i posted i said i never wrote fanfiction before but that was a tiny fib because i wrote shitty dumpster fire fanfics in middle school, but i’ve /srsly never tried my hand at nsfw before, but i guess there's a first for everything. pls critique me if u have any thoughts but be nice i’m sensitive. also shoutout to @abbyslev for helping me brainstorm <3 if ur reading my fanfics u probably already do, but pleaaaase follow her if u dont she’s lovely!!!! :3
Warnings: Nsfw content under my 2nd divider, sort of exhibitionism and masturbation. Not all of this is nsfw, but I’d still like for MINORS TO DNI. However, I know that you guys like to ignore those warnings, so I bolded the nsfw sections. At the very least, please don’t read the bolded hcs. Thank you & enjoy reading!
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❥Loser! Hange who is in the same math course as you. When you walk in on the first day, you’re drawn to them, but not for the reasons you’d initially think. You were almost positive that they would be a decent person to cheat off of. I mean, they seem to look like they know what they’re doing, right?
❥Loser! Hange that can hear their pulse in their ears when they see a pretty girl take the spot beside them. They feel their heart rattling around in their chest as they sneak glances at you whenever they get the chance.
❥Loser! Hange quickly figures out the reason why you decided to sit next to them, rather than the other isolated chairs inside the lecture hall. But don’t worry, of course they’ll let you cheat off of them. Unfortunately, their performance starts to dip a little when they realize what you’re doing. They’re frequently under your gaze, and they can’t help it that you make them nervous :c 
❥Loser! Hange that is unaware that your eyes aren’t only looking down at their answers. One class when you were copying off of them, you started noticing the way their fingers hold their pencil. How slender their digits are, that their nails are surprisingly short, neat and cleaner than expected. You also started to notice how their veins protrude slightly and move up their arm... You feel yourself biting your lip as you observe their side profile. Their cheeks look soft and pink, similarly to their kissable lips. Your eyes continue to trail over their face: their thin, ovular glasses are slightly pushed down on their hooked nose, and their long eyelashes flutter as they continue to take notes beside you.
❥Loser! Hange can’t not listen to you getting called out by the professor when they notice you copying off of your seatmates’ assignments and notes. It was rather embarrassing, but you’re just happy the professor didn’t catch you cheating on an exam and risking academic misconduct.
❥Loser! Hange nudges your arm lightly after that incident, their voice low so you both don’t get caught by the professor. "Hey, um... I've noticed you've been using my notes and uh... answers. Do you need any help with the material? I mean, like, we could study together or something! If you want." They ask you with an excitement in their eyes and voice.
❥Loser! Hange can’t even feel proud of the fact they managed to talk to you because they barely even got that sentence out, and they couldn’t look you in the eye for more than 2 seconds. But it seems like all that is forgotten when you actually agree to meet up with them. They feel a rush of giddiness, but they try not to make a fool of themself in front of you. “Right! Yeah, so here’s my number... We can plan something, er- sometime.” They write their number down, sliding you the ripped end of their notebook page.
❥Loser! Hange who feels their heart in their throat as they lead you into their bedroom. The study session started off a bit rocky and awkwardly, but the tension in the air decreased as time continued on. As much as you would like to actually learn this material to earn good grades, you find yourself wanting to earn their attention much, much more. I mean, you obviously wore your lowest cut shirt and a pleated skirt for a reason. You look up at them, calling out for them. “Hey, Hange?” You ask, smiling as their head shoots up from their notes. “Can you explain this question to me?” You ask quietly, turning around your notebook to face them. You lean closer to them, purposely displaying your breasts for them to (hopefully) ogle.
❥Loser! Hange who starts to feel like they’re being tested by a higher power. They have to physically stop themself from glancing down and making a fool of themself. They try their best to focus on explaining the math problem to you as you watch their every movement like a hawk. You notice their eyes fall on your chest for a split second, and you pounce on your opportunity to tease them further. You reach up to their face, flicking their nose up so they’re forced to look at you. “My eyes are up here, silly.” “I- Uh- Sorry, just-” Hange trips over their words as they try to formulate a cohesive sentence on the spot. “Don’t worry about it, I’m just teasin’. It’s not so bad to be stared at if it's you.” You say with a playful wink.
❥Loser! Hange folds immediately. “O-Oh... Me? Really?” They ask, their eyes widening and pupils dilating. You can’t help but chuckle at their disbelief and nod your head in confirmation. “Yes, you. Is there anybody else in the room with us?” You joke. They stumble over their words as they think of a response. “W-Well, no, there isn’t, but- y’know- I didn’t think you-” They stutter, pushing the notebook aside and gesturing their hands between the two of you. They feel their cheeks growing warmer from embarrassment as they struggle to coherently voice their jumbled thoughts. “You know, you should at least take me to dinner before looking at me like that.” 
❥Loser! Hange doesn’t need to be told twice. They grab your hand with a cheesy smile, practically dragging you to their car while suggesting all sorts of restaurants that you might agree to. “Is there a certain restaurant you had in mind? We can try something totally different, like a little hole-in-the-wall joint. Ooh, but picture this: hibachi. The whole watching people cook in front of me thing usually makes me feel awkward but the food is always soooo good. Oh, or maybe we could go to a steakhouse! No matter what you choose, I’ll be fine with whatever! What do you think?" GOD they are just so excited and you find it utterly adorable. They remained true to their word and took you to whichever place you decided and paid for both of your meals. (They would have done this even if you didn’t joke about it bless their heart.) But then that first date turned into 2 dates, which quickly became 3, 4, 5, then suddenly you both forgot because anything the two of you do together is a date in your minds.
❥Loser! Hange definitely asks you out after only the second date. But in their defense, you’ve been hanging out after class as well as coming over to their house for “study sessions” that alway turned into watching tv or movies, ordering ubereats, going to the movies, walking around their neighborhood, anything but studying. You even took them to a party once. (You guys left after a half hour because Hange got overwhelmed, but you were still happy they tried something for you.) So by the time you guys went on your second “official date” they definitely felt confident that you would say yes.
❥Loser! Hange who loves talking to you about whatever game they’re playing. If it’s a story game, they’d love to explain anything you missed or don’t understand. They also would voice their predictions about how the game will end or where the story will go. If they see something predictable, they’ll definitely tell you what they think will happen, trying to impress you so when/if it does they’ll look “cool” to you. In reality though, you just find them to be geeky in the most endearing way. “Look, there’s a bunch of ammo in this room. If there’s a boss behind this door, you have to give me a kiss.” They say to you with a sly grin on their face. If it’s a PVP game, they will explain everything about what skills and powers each character has and who their favorite to play is. They’ll talk about what they like and dislike about the different mechanics, their favorite characters, parts they find tricky, etc. And of course, you sit there with a dopey smile while you listen to their rambling without interrupting, even if you don’t understand a word of what they’re saying because they’re just too cute when they’re passionately rambling. 
❥Loser! Hange who loves inviting you over, even if you two are doing absolutely nothing. They adore when you watch them play all sorts of video games. If they’re playing a console game, Hange lays next to you with your head against their shoulder, your arm splaying across their stomach while your hand rests around their waist. You tend to get pretty invested if the game is story based, insisting that they can’t play it without you around to watch the next part of the story unfold. If they’re playing a PC game, you’re sitting in their lap with a skirt that does absolutely nothing to cover your body once you’re seated on top of them. You prefer to face away from them, occasionally squirming in their lap so they can feel your ass pressed against their thighs and stomach. However, you do occasionally enjoy facing them, your arms wrapped around their shoulders as your legs hang off of their gaming chair at either side of their body.
❥Loser! Hange who also loves when you’re sitting in their lap, even if they struggle to focus on the game in front of them when your warm body is pressed against their own. It doesn’t help that they can smell the perfume coming from your neck, tempting them to lean in and kiss you there.
❥Loser! Hange that can’t resist the urge to rest their hands on your thighs during a cutscene, between rounds, during any sort of loading screen or when they’re respawning. They’ll use your thighs to push your ass back and closer to their body. 
❥Loser! Hange kisses your neck from behind, causing you to tilt your head and expose more of your neck for them to kiss. You let out a chuckle at how you effortlessly turned them on just by sitting on their lap and looking pretty.
❥Let’s just say... Loser! Hange finds the opportunity to quit or pause the game as soon as they can. When they eventually return to whatever game they were playing, they find it much easier to focus after you’re both satisfied. ♡
❥Loser! Hange who is also a small streamer! They probably get a few hundred people to watch them game each stream. They may not have a huge community, but their fans are consistent, funny, and always welcoming to new viewers! It’s a comforting little community. Because of this, Hange responds to their chat quite a bit and they’ve made quite a few friends with their mods and regular viewers.
❥Loser! Hange had to explain to you what streaming was. They decided that they would show you what it's like by doing a short stream while you silently watch them game and listen to them talk with their viewers.
❥Loser! Hange never technically introduced you to their fans. Not because they didn’t want to, they just knew that the internet wasn’t always kind, even if their fans are 99% supportive. They wouldn’t mention it much, but they are a little insecure about themself. They know that they treat you like an absolute princess, and they know that you adore them, that’s not the problem. The problem is that they don’t know if they’ll ever feel deserving of you. 
❥Loser! Hange only mentions this to you at late hours of the night when they feel vulnerable and slightly sleepy. You spend countless late nights at sleepovers holding them in your arms and reassuring them just how attractive you find them and that no one has treated you better. They start to feel reassured more once you mention to them that you don’t feel deserving of the endless love they give or of the many ways they spoil you.
anyway back to streamer hcs
❥Loser! Hange didn’t expect you to surprise them one day in their room with their favorite takeout in the middle of a stream. You didn’t know that they were streaming and you wanted to sneak up on them and scare them >:). You slip into their room as quietly as possible, slowly tiptoeing to their form slouched over their desk. Because of the slight delay of their videocam to their viewers, Hange doesn’t get the chance to read all of the different messages of the chatters who spotted your presence and are questioning about it. You silently place the bag of food on the floor, wrapping your arms around their shoulders and kissing their cheek roughly. 
❥Loser! Hange practically jumps out of their chair, yelping from the shock. They realize that it’s you pretty quickly, because no one else would hold or kiss them like that. They pause their game, swiveling around to face you with a wide smile. “Hi, baby!! What are you doin’ here?”
❥Loser! Hange immediately forgets the world around them, forgetting they’re literally live as they try to grab at your hips while they talk to you. “Mmmm,” You hum and giggle. “I just wanted to surprise you. It’s been a few days, I missed you.” You mumble before stepping back so that their hands disconnect from your waist. “Let me get some plates and napkins real quick.” You tell them before you leave the room again.
❥Loser! Hange remembers that they’re streaming, facing their viewers again to read what they missed from chat. “Chat, what do you mean ‘how did you bag a baddie?’” They say, reading some of the messages out loud. “‘How come Hange can get a girlfriend and I can’t? Life isn’t fair-’ WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?” They cut themself off, their jaw dropping a little from the comments they read. The chat starts to go crazy after seeing you. Most of the messages are asking who you are, if Hange is dating you, or simply encouraging Hange to stream with you sometime officially. But of course, it’s much easier to take note of bad comments people say rather than nice ones.
❥Loser! Hange pouts when you return with plates in hand, ignoring their chat again in the blink of an eye. "I'm charming, right? and cute?” They look up at you with puppy eyes as you stand in front of them. “I'm desirable." They say those words like a statement, but it sounds like they’re trying to convince themself rather than state a fact. You hear the insecurities dripping from their tone. You promptly climb into their lap, placing a tender kiss to their cheek while your hand cups the opposite one. You progressively start kissing all over their face, and they close their eyes, giggling and getting lost in the moment. When you eventually begin moving down their neck, their eyes snap open as they remember the audience. "AAAAHHHH, I'M LIVE, I'M LIVE!" They warn you frantically, suddenly remembering again why they were a bit insecure in the first place. This causes you to jump a bit from their yelling. They swivel their chair around to face the monitor, looking at it from over your shoulder. "S-Sorry chat, ending stream a bit early today..." They say quickly, turning off their game and switching tabs to end their video. You chuckle, turning to face their camera. "Oops." you say only a few seconds before they end their stream. 
❥Loser! Hange decides that they might as well officially introduce you after that incident, since they know they’ll be getting teased for it for the next few streams.
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❥Loser! Hange never thought that they would be in this situation with anyone, no less you. This exact scenario had been nothing but a fantasy in the corners of their mind. A fantasy that would fog up their mind in the late hours of the night, prompting them to slip their fingers under their boxers and lightly circle their clit with their fingertips, eventually slipping them inside of their warm body. Their back would arch up off of the bed, trying their best to picture that their own fingers were instead yours.
❥Loser! Hange that noticed a sort of glint in your eyes when they asked if it was okay to stream while the two of you were still hanging out. They hadn’t been active in the past handful of days because they’ve been spending all their time with you. They just can’t deny you, especially when you both want to spend all your time with the other.
❥Loser! Hange who has to resist the urge to drool as you carefully and quietly crawl under their desk, looking up at them through your long, mascara coated eyelashes as your knees hit the slightly dusty floor... 
❥You aren’t sure what came over you, but when you were watching them put their headphones on and start welcoming people into their stream, you missed the attention being on you. So decided to tease and torture them and force them to give you attention still. 
❥Loser! Hange is forced to pretend you aren’t under their desk and spreading their thighs and pulling down their boxers while giving them that signature sultry smile with your matching lustful look in your eye. You bite your lip as you part their legs, moving in closer to their folds. They can feel your hot breath on their legs as you kiss, lick, and bite the plush skin of their inner thighs. For a few moments, you feel their hand rest on top of your head and stroke your hair approvingly as you start to rile them up. They can feel their face heating up a little, but if anyone in chat mentions it they just explain that their AC isn’t working properly. Even from just your breath and kisses teasing their thighs, they can feel themself getting wet, the stickiness spreading around their groin.
❥Loser! Hange melts under your touches, but they quickly become needy and desperate for more. Their resolve is always weak when it comes to you, and your teasing will be the death of them. They’re trying so hard not to whine and plead because they have to act normal and play their game. Even when your tongue finally reaches out to meet their pussy, you keep teasing them. You give them as little as you possibly can, spreading their folds with the tip of your tongue, only occasionally flicking up to their clit. You also kiss their puffy pussy lips and their clit, showing how much you love them while simultaneously subjecting them to such sweet torture. When they feel your tongue finally giving them what they wanted, their legs start to twitch slightly from the stimulation. They try their best to regulate their breathing so nothing seems out of the ordinary.
❥Loser! Hange doesn’t know how to act when your mouth starts to move faster and faster between their legs. They’ve stopped looking at their chat entirely, just trying to focus on playing the game somewhat coherently and occasionally talking about it or making a random comment without stuttering or sighing from pleasure.
❥Loser! Hange’s pussy is dripping onto their chair from all of your teasing. The combination of your tongue and their pussy makes an audible squelch as you suck, kiss, and lick up their slit and their hips move slightly, trying to keep up with the rhythm of your tongue. At this point, they’re starting to feel the knot in their stomach tighten, and they’re struggling to hold back their sounds. “Chat, I’ve gotta use the bathroom real quick-” They say, closing their webcam and muting their mic as fast as their fingers let them.
❥Loser! Hange’s hand finds its way back to your head, grabbing a fistful of your hair and pushing you as close to them as biology allows. Their head falls back as they let out a shaky moan. “Ahhh.. F-Fuckk... Please, please more.” They whine, encouraging you to eat them out without fear. You can both feel how their pussy throbs with desire for attention. They’ve been impatiently craving this, so they plan to take full advantage of the fact you’re right where they want you. You pick up the pace, sloppily making out with their pussy and sucking their labia between your lips. They toss one of their legs up onto your shoulder, allowing you more access to them as the knot in their core is almost ready to release. You look up into their eyes, slurping up their juices. The way you look up at them with devotion makes them feel even better due to how much desire is in your expression, adding another layer of eroticism for them from your enjoyment.
❥Loser! Hange feels the tension in their lower stomach releasing. They sigh and moan out into the air lightly as they feel white hot pleasure take their entire mind and body. They arch themself off the chair, trying to meet your mouth even more than already possible. Their body grinds against your tongue as they shiver from the intensity of their orgasm.
❥Immediately after their orgasm subsides, loser! Hange pulls your head up by your hair, kissing you deeply and not caring that they can taste their sticky cum on your plump lips. Their free hand slides down to the back of your thigh, guiding your body to sit on their lap. Their hands are protective and possessive while you make out. They are such a softie, always wanting to cuddle, hug, and kiss after sex. They love you so much and need to let it show, it’s like a warm blanket of warmth and affection covers their heart. They see the world with rose colored glasses for an hour or two after you make them cum, honestly. 
❥Loser! Hange holds you for a little while, their face nuzzled against your neck as they whisper sweet nothings to you. They’ll pepper your neck, collarbones, and face with kisses while telling you how good you made them feel. “I- love- you- so- much- sweet- heart- thank- you-” They’d say between pecks to your skin, causing you to giggle from the slight tickle of their lips moving around your upper body. They only stop their barrage of kisses when you start to push at their shoulders playfully, begging them to stop. “I love youuuu!” They say in a drawn out tone, giving your body a tight squeeze. “But duty calls, so we'll have to continue this later. Don't worry, I'll be thinking about you the whole time!"
❥Loser! Hange loves aftercare, giving and receiving, basically. They’re happy as long as you’re physically close to them <//3.
❥Loser! Hange also used to have inappropriate thoughts about you before you two were officially dating. They knew it was a bit weird to do so without you having any knowledge of it, but they couldn’t help themself. The two of you had exchanged Instagrams after your very first study session and since then, they can’t help but fuck their fingers to your posts. They try to refrain from doing so each time; they attempt to scroll past your stories as if the sight of your face hadn’t already turned them on. Each time it always ends the same, inevitably retyping your name in the search bar to revisit the photo. At this point it had to be some sort of conditioning, the way their body would react to you like clockwork. But they still feel so embarrassed to be so obsessed with you simply because you gave them an ounce of attention.
❥Loser! Hange used to imagine you in all sorts of different positions for them. You name it, they’ve probably thought about it once or maybe even twice. Sometimes they would imagine you sitting on their face, other times they could imagine you under them as they would fuck their strap into you. When Hange feels extra desperate, they like to picture the ways you would take them, perhaps you would trap them against the bed, fingering their throbbing pussy while making out with them to ensure that they weren’t too loud. A favorite daydream of theirs surrounds the different types of faces you would make as they eat you out. They yearn to see how your eyes might look down at them, pleading for them to make you cum, or how they may be shut entirely, your lips parted to sigh out with pleasure from how good they’re making you feel. They’d wonder what kind of sounds you would make. Were you loud? Quiet? Shy? Breathy? Are you the type that moans, or are you the type that whimpers? These questions had plagued their mind until they finally had you for the first time after 4-5 dates. <3
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i miss hange rip hange you would’ve loved being the most nerdy loser dork the geek world ever saw.
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thursdaygxrls · 2 years
Text
nsfw headcanons with steve harrington, eddie munson, & jonathan byers
summary — just some nsfw headcanons (i literally just thought them up while going to sleep)
parings — steve harrington x fem!reader ; eddie munson x fem!reader ; jonathan byers x fem!reader
disclaimer — i do not own st or the st boys
warnings — smut. all kinds of smut. if you do not want to read smut, do not read this.
all nsfw under the cut!
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steve harrington <3
i have absolutely no doubt in my mind that steve is a pleasure dom. season one steve may’ve had selfish tendencies in bed, but steve is thoroughly in it for your pleasure.
definitely loves giving head. like, loves it. i think he would like a blowjob here and there, but he definitely loves giving more than receiving, especially when you’re riding his face. he’ll cum in his pants from that but let’s move on
steve most definitely prefers to have sex in bed or in his car. maybe at skull rock, but that’s low key pushing it. for him, sex is an intimate thing that is shared between you and him in a place where you are both comfortable.
i also personally think his favorite position is any position where he is able to look at you, so mainly missionary. you on your back, your legs haphazardly wrapped around him while he clutches the headboard. sorry guys j imagining 😍😍
if i didn’t make it clear already, i think that with the right person (aka you), steve would take sex very seriously. it would be a romantic affair. your first time together would be very gentle. no matter how experienced you are, i feel like he would take great care with you.
this might be a good time to mention that he’s pretty vanilla. other than his pleasure dom tendencies, i don’t see him as the kinky type. he’ll most definitely try anything at least once, but he would most likely just want to stick to the good old-fashioned stuff.
i wanna suck his dick so bad. moving on!!
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eddie munson <3
let me start with this: eddie is definitely a sub. at most a switch. he may seem like the type of guy to take control, but when all the sarcasm and bad-assery is put away for the day, he’s most definitely moaning ‘yes ma’am 😩’
pillow prince. pillow prince. pillow prince. of course, he’s concerned about your pleasure, but like … he’s horny.
definitely into some light bondage. would probably love it if his wrists were tied to his head posts while you sucked him off. his toes would be CURLEDDD.
he’s a titty sucker. it doesn’t matter how big they are, he wants them in his mouth. hear me out: you ride him while he sucks your tits. he’d love it.
i personally believe he prefers hand jobs over blowjobs. it’s something about the eye contact: your sweet smile as your hand pumps his cock. he’s cumming in 0.4 seconds.
most definitely into fucking in the woods or in his van. i feel like semi-public places are his favorite. he’s a thrill seeker for sure.
tug on his hair he’ll come quicker than you can say vecna
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jonathan byers <3
as a disclaimer, all of these headcanons are for season 4 jonathan. he’s a greasy dweeb seasons 1-3, but now he’s a greasy stoner 😍
loves sloppy blowjobs. i can see him absolutely blown (lol) out of his mind, doesn’t know what to do with himself, shaking, toes sweating, fists clenched, knee deep in a wet, sloppy bj. he wouldn’t even be able to warn you before he’s cumming.
i really trying believe that he barely has any experience so anything you two do, paired with that fact that he’s high, is gonna be life changing for him.
loves when you ride him. it’s even better when you’re reverse cowgirl, because then he gets the perfect view of your ass. he loves anything where he has to put in as little effort as possible. that said, he would most definitely do doggy any time you’re not up for a ride.
if you’re not into weed, he’d totally respect that. if you are, though, my darling, you’re gonna be having a lot of high sex.
he’s probably going to want to have sex anywhere that is not his house, which means there is usually a car involved. while i do think he values privacy a lot, he just doesn’t feel comfortable having it at his house. made argyle let him borrow the pizza van to fuck in
honestly, i believe this man loves heated make out seshes and quickies the most. his hands under your shirt and your hands in his hair. a quick blowjob in the car before school.
never thought i’d want to fuck this man but here we are folks
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slxsherr · 1 year
Text
Feeling Like I Never Should
read part II here
pairing: kirby reed x fem!reader x charlie walker
summary: kirby is your best friend, which is why she knows you and charlie will never get together without a little outside help.
wc: 3077
warnings: fem!reader, inexperienced!reader, inexperienced!charlie, dom!kirby(?), cursing/swearing, descriptions of alcohol & alcohol consumption, oral sex (f! receiving), fingering, unprotected sex (p in v), squirting, creampie, virginity loss
a/n: this is kinda very kirby centered but for good reason
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Kirby is your best friend, and as your best friend she knows exactly when you need a push. Especially when it comes to Charlie. She loved to make the two of you squirm, to tease, to torment, until you were both a mess. 
You like Charlie, maybe more than a friend should, but his obvious feelings for Kirby have stopped you from ever pursuing him as anything more than a friend. But Kirby knows something you don’t, that no matter how much she heckles or taunts Charlie, no one makes him squirm like you do. 
His logic isn’t half bad, feign interest in her so that you don’t suspect his feelings for you, but one thing the dweeb never considered is that you might reciprocate his feelings. It’d be cute how oblivious the two of you are if it wasn’t so pathetic. Both of you pining over the other, too afraid to make a move. 
“What are you doing tonight?” Kirby asks you, shutting your locker abruptly and startling you.
“Please stop doing that,” you groan, ever the unexpecting victim of Kirby’s jumpscares. 
“You know I can’t,” Kirby says, disregarding your request. “So, any special Friday night plans?” 
“I’m alone again this weekend, so probably just takeout and—” you begin to say, but Kirby interrupts you. 
“And a rager?” She suggests jokingly. 
“No,” you shoot down her idea quickly, even if she wasn’t being serious. “Charlie wants to come over to plan Stab-A-Thon and my sister left behind some werewolf trilogy so we’re probably gonna watch that,” you answer, bracing yourself for Kirby’s response. 
“Sounds like a hot date,” she says sarcastically, reveling in your involuntary embarrassed reactions.
“Shut up. Why are you asking?” You say, changing the subject. 
“Because Jill, Olivia, and I are going to a party and I thought I’d extend an invitation, but you have plans. So, invitation withdrawn,” she answers, a teasing lilt in her voice. 
“You’re just gonna end up watching guys fawn over Olivia and Jill spend the entire time on the couch with Trevor,” you tell her, knowing that inevitably she will show up at your house sometime after two in the morning, drunk off her ass and complaining about how lame the party was. 
“At least there’ll be some free booze. See you later!” Kirby says before walking away. 
It doesn’t take long for you and Charlie to plan Stab-A-Thon for the third year in a row, sharing Chinese takeout while going over location, equipment, and all the other small details of the club’s most notorious event. Pretty soon you’re both sprawled over your couch, dissecting the first movie that your sister described as a feminist cult classic, your legs resting comfortably over Charlie’s lap. 
“Honey! I’m home!” Kirby yells, interrupting the second movie, letting herself in with a copy of your house key that you gave her freshman year. “And I’m really drunk!”
“Is that Kirby?” Charlie asks when you pause the movie, confused. 
“Yeah, I guess she decided to bail on the party early,” you say, getting up to bring her to the den. 
“Ugh, you were right,” Kirby says when you meet her at your front door, struggling to take off her shoes. “Olivia left with some guy and Jill barely let go of Trevor’s arm. But I got this!” She says, kicking off her shoes and holding up a bottle of tequila. 
“I don’t think you need anymore of that, come on, I’ll get you some water,” you say, leading her to the living room. 
“Charlie! How’s the werewolf trilogy?” You hear Kirby ask while you go to the kitchen to get her water. 
“Basically a high-budget snuff film,” you catch the end of Charlie’s thoughts on the movie when you come back with a water bottle for Kirby. 
“Ooh, will it be brought up at the next club meeting?” Kirby asks, pulling your back to her chest when you join them on the couch, resting her chin over your shoulder. 
“Maybe,” Charlie says, taking a swig of the tequila Kirby must have given him while you were in the kitchen. 
“Drink some water, you need to sober up,” you tell Kirby, twisting in her hold to raise the now open water bottle to her lips. 
“And you need to loosen up,” Kirby says, drinking the water reluctantly. 
“Only if you drink some water,” you say, handing her the plastic bottle. 
“That’s my girl!” She cheers, drinking more water while you turn back around to face Charlie. 
Your fingers brush against Charlie’s when you take the tequila from him, lifting the heavy bottle to drink the unpleasant clear liquid. It burns as it goes down your throat, settling hot in your stomach, the heat seeping throughout your body. Your face scrunches at the bitter taste, and you already know Kirby’s gonna have something to say about that. 
“Aw, do you need a chaser?” She teases, wrapping her arms around your waist, empty water bottle dropped to the floor. 
“Something tells me you didn’t bring any,” you rasp, relinquishing the bottle back to Charlie. 
“It’s not so bad,” Charlie says after taking another drink.
“I’ve had better,” you say, nursing the bottle, keeping it away from Kirby as she playfully bites your shoulder. 
Without mixers, it’s not long before half the bottle is gone and you and Charlie are about equal to Kirby’s somewhat less intoxicated state. The movie is long forgotten, frozen at the end of the first act. The three of you are squished at one end of the couch, you’re slumped against Kirby, legs thrown over Charlie’s lap, listening to Kirby’s drunken rundown of the party she left and how she stole the bottle.
“Hold on, I gotta pee,” she says, pushing you off of her to run to the bathroom. 
“Sorry,” you say, hearing Charlie groan when you’re shoved onto his lap. 
“No, you’re fine,” he says, hoping you don’t realize the hard situation he’s in. 
“I don’t think we’re gonna finish the trilogy tonight,” you giggle, laying back where Kirby was seated. 
“Definitely not,” he says, hands nervously resting over your thighs.
“I’m back!” Kirby announces her return, and you sit up to let her return to her spot.
“That was fast,” you say, shifting halfway on Charlie’s lap, too distracted by Kirby to notice him throwing his head back, his hands just barely gripping your skin.
“God, you’re such a tease,” she says, pulling you off of his lap and towards her once she’s sat. 
“What do you mean?” You ask, relaxing into her hold.
“Look what you’re doing to him,” she says, redirecting your focus to Charlie. “He’s pitching a tent just from you crawling over him like a little minx.”
“That’s not—” he tries to deny it, face flushing from being called out, but Kirby cuts him off. 
“Are you gonna help him out with his problem or not?” She asks you, both you and Charlie shocked by her words. 
“D-Do you want me to help you?” You ask him, head fuzzy from the night’s turn of events.
“Yes,” Charlie answers, and as soon as the word leaves his lips Kirby is pushing you onto his lap. 
Your thighs straddle his hips, your hands finding purchase on his shoulders from being moved so abruptly. Looking between them, you’re unsure of what to do, but as your best friend, Kirby already knows of your lack of experience. She moves closer to the two of you, cupping your cheek and turning your head to face her. Leaning in, she presses her lips to yours, kissing you wantonly. You return the kiss, albeit a bit sloppily, lips parting when her tongue swipes at your bottom lip, licking into your mouth. She pulls away soon after, not wanting you to forget about Charlie.
“Kiss him like that,” she instructs you, turning your head back to face him. 
You lean in, goosebumps rising across your skin as a shiver tingles down your spine from his intent gaze, pupils dilated from lust and alcohol. Pressing your lips to his, you copy Kirby’s movements the best you can, kissing him sensuously. He kisses you back hungrily, as if he wished to devour you. When your tongue swipes at his bottom lip, he parts his lips just as you did for Kirby, and follows your lead as your tongue meets his. The makeout is messy, both of you new to the act, and Kirby takes the opportunity to move Charlie’s hands to your hips from where they rested on your thighs. 
“Move her however you like,” she whispers in his ear, giving him the go-ahead to grind you on his crotch. 
Charlie’s hands move your hips slowly, his own hips bucking up to meet yours as you whine into his mouth. He’s not quiet either, low moans escaping him at the lewd acts unfolding. Your nails scratch at the fabric of his flannel, supporting yourself with his shoulders as heat pools in your core. Despite the layers between the two of you, the friction is just enough for a wet patch to appear in your panties.
“Alright, calm down, greedy boy,” Kirby says, pulling you away from the kiss by your shoulders. “Wouldn’t want you finishing before the main event,” she teases, having heard the desperation in his voice as the two of you began to get lost in pleasure. 
“Be nice,” you tell her, the words slipping out without thought. 
“You want me to be nice?” She asks, her mouth stretching into a devious smile. “Come here,” she says, scooting to the edge of the couch, back to the armrest, where she sat when she first arrived. 
You make your way towards her, letting her flip you around to face Charlie when you get close, your back to her chest like before. Her fingers play with the hem of your top, soft lips brushing against your skin as she leans forward, whispering in your ear to lift your arms. You do as she says, arms rising above your head, and she pulls up your top, exposing you to Charlie. He’s watching attentively, you can feel his stare hardening when your bra comes into view, fabric lifting over your head and being thrown to the side. 
“Come closer, Charlie,” Kirby says, and he doesn’t need to be told twice, moving closer to the two of you, slotting himself between your legs. “Isn’t she pretty?” Kirby asks, fondling you over your bra, and your breath hitches from her actions. 
“Yes, she’s very pretty,” he says, voice low and airy. 
“Do you wanna play with her tits?” Kirby asks, pulling the cups of your bra down to expose your breasts. “Go ahead,” she says, when Charlie only responds with a nod.
His hands are surprisingly cold, a shock to your overheated skin. Kirby undoes your bra, sliding the straps down your shoulders and stripping you of the last garment on your upper body before placing her hands on top of Charlie’s. She guides his hands to be less gentle, and you watch through hooded lids as he lowers his head to your chest. 
His tongue flicks over your pert nipples, testing for your reaction, continuing when he hears your soft whines. Kirby pulls his hair back, giving you a better view as he mouths at your tits, licking and sucking your hardened buds, skin shining from his spit. She pulls him away from you harshly by his hair, holding him in place.
“If you wanna get your dick wet, you need to prep her,” Kirby says, letting go of him. “Take these off for her,” she instructs, snapping the waistband of your shorts and panties against you. 
You lift your hips so that he can pull your bottoms off, and he accidentally pulls you closer to him, your head sliding down to rest against Kirby’s stomach. She doesn’t say anything, watching him push your legs up to slide the last of your clothes off. You’ve got your thighs pressed together tightly, feeling vulnerable being the only one naked, but Kirby doesn’t allow that for long. She forces your legs apart, giving Charlie a clear view of your wet cunt. 
“This,” she says, one hand trailing down to spread your folds with two fingers. “Is her clit, play with it right and you both get a prize,” she continues, rubbing tight circles on the bud, making you mewl as your hips buck for more. “Be patient,” Kirby warns you, pulling her fingers away to hold your hips down, ignoring the whimper you let out from the loss of friction. 
Charlie’s fingers replace Kirby’s, messy circles leaving you breathless as you moan quietly. Eyes screwed shut in pleasure, you don’t see him moving down until his mouth meets your core. He licks a broad stripe from your hole to your clit, sucking the bud experimentally between his lips. You’re left keening from his actions, Kirby’s hands keeping your thighs from shutting around his head and hips rolling for more.
“Good boy,” Kirby coos from behind you, watching Charlie eat your pussy like a man starved. What he lacks in experience, he makes up for in enthusiasm. “Now stretch her hole with your fingers,” Kirby instructs, ignoring your hands gripping the wrist of her hand holding your hips down.
Charlie slides a finger in tentatively, stroking your walls gently. You’re a whiny mess, begging for more, sweet voice echoing through the room. He slips another finger in, your tight walls sucking him in greedily. His thick fingers prod deep inside you, massaging a spot that has your stomach twisting in pleasure.
“Charlie,” you moan his name, breathing heavy as he fucks you open with his fingers, face flushing in embarrassment when you hear your pussy squelching lewdly. 
“Is he making you feel good?” Kirby asks, and you nod quickly, thighs trembling as she holds your legs open. “Is he doing a good job?” She asks, enjoying the way you struggle to muster even a non-verbal response as you do your best to nod. “No, use your words, hon. Tell him how good he’s making you feel, how good of a job he’s doing,” she says, watching your glossy eyes meet Charlie’s. 
“Feels so good, Charlie,” you say between ragged breaths, mewling when he thrusts his fingers harder. “You’re doing such a good job!” You cry, ears ringing and gripping Kirby’s arm tighter as you begin to teeter over the edge. 
“Stop,” Kirby says, and you whine at the empty feeling when Charlie pulls his fingers out, your orgasm ruined. “Shh, don’t worry, love. You’ll get to come,” she reassures you, massaging your thighs. “Take your clothes off, Charlie,” she instructs him, and he wastes no time stripping. 
“I don’t have a condom,” he says, down to his boxers, slowly moving back to where he was between your legs.
“You don’t need one, you’re both virgins and she’s on the pill,” Kirby says, pushing him to sit back to cushion, moving you onto his lap. 
Your thighs shake when you straddle him this time, nothing separating the two of you now. His dick is pretty, pale with a pink, almost red, tip, shiny from leaking pre. He’s got a protruding vein on the underside, you lick your lips wishing you could trace it instead, a trimmed dark patch of curls trailing up. 
“Spit,” Kirby says, interrupting your thoughts, holding your hand up to your mouth. “Good girl,” she praises you when you let your saliva dribble into the palm of your hand. “You’re lucky,” Kirby says to you, wrapping your hand around Charlie’s dick. “To have such a pretty cock as your first,” she finishes, pumping your fist leisurely around him. 
The sight of Charlie is sinful, almost pornographic moans slipping past kiss-swollen lips. His hair is a little messy from Kirby’s rough handling, blue eyes glistening as he watches Kirby move your hand around him, hips desperately meeting yours for more. But Kirby reminds him who’s in charge, hand holding him in place just as she did you before stopping your movements altogether. 
“Now sit,” Kirby says, pulling your hips up and lining him up with your entrance.
Charlie’s hands hold onto your hips as you sink further down, thick head stretching your hole as you lower. It’s not as painful as so many of your friends had said when they told you about their first time, moreso uncomfortable as his shaft stretches you wider than his fingers prepared you for. Your mouth is open in a silent cry, gravity forcing you further down and it feels like you’re being split apart.
“Are you okay?” Charlie asks when you’re fully seated, hands kneading your hips comfortingly.
“Yeah,” you answer, getting used to the full feeling, gaze shifting to Kirby’s, a question in your eyes.
“Ride him,” Kirby says, hands on top of Charlie’s, guiding you up and down his cock. 
Your hands find themselves on his shoulders, stabilizing yourself as you’re bounced on his lap. You moan wantonly as the two of you move together, pleasure zinging through your bodies each time your hips slam down. Kirby removes her hands from Charlie’s, one instead softly tracing across your lower back as you lose yourself, trembling as he thrusts up to meet your movements. 
A string of expletives leave his mouth, a whispered groan as he no doubt nears his release. It’s cute, Kirby thinks, how desperate the two of you are to finish. You hide your face in the space where his neck meets his shoulder, hands tugging at his hair as your hips struggle to keep up with his punishing pace, moaning incoherently into his skin. 
But Kirby can’t have that, so she sneaks a hand between your bodies, rubbing frantic circles on your clit. Your whole body tenses up, taut like a string, biting into Charlie’s shoulder to muffle your wail as your release sprays against his stomach and thighs. He fucks you through it, despite your walls tightening to push him out, hips jerking as he pulls you down one last time, coming inside you.
Kirby is your best friend, but even in her drunken state she can recognize that maybe that’s not a good enough excuse for what she did tonight. Driving you into Charlie’s arms just because she doesn’t have the balls to admit she’s in love with you is somehow worse than Charlie’s misdirection strategy. But that’s a problem for hungover Kirby, she thinks.
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