#i know i don't have to be productive to 'deserve' to enjoy myself but that's just how i'm wired right now

[monkey-d-ezekiel]

personal

#i just don't know how to manage. my low self esteem anymore #i realized today how miserly i've become #i don't spend on anything more than the essentials and even there i cut costs #i see other people spending money on themselves and i just feel perplexed #on their hobbies and stuff too. i cannot fathom spending money on things which don't enhance my “productivity” #i feel like i don't deserve it and i just can't consider my happiness important or put effort into it without feeling guilty as hell #i feel it all kinda stems from how i was raised and how my parents rarely spent money on me outside of what's needed to “advance in life” #and i was called a spoiled kid and made to feel ashamed by my dad for wanting more than my books n stuff #i still feel like im extorting someone or taking advantage of them whenever i have the urge to buy something for myself #even though it's my money now #i just wish i could enjoy pointless things without guilt #personal #vent post

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

Valentines day (Emily Sonnett x Reader)

I don't really know what this is. The idea randomly came to me so I hope you like it :)

Summary: Emily loves valentines day so despite them being in a fight, Y/n still does something for her.

Warnings- Tiny bit suggestive at the end

Words: 1.8k

---

Emily and I had gotten into a pretty big fight a few days ago. We had barely talked or even see each other since with her staying in the spare room. I was meant to move to be with her, but there was a big project at work that I had to finish before I could. Well, I could have not done the project. It just meant likely missing out on a big promotion with my transfer. Understandably, Emily wasn't very happy about that because it meant a month or two before I could make the move. 

It was valentines day, we still weren't talking, but I wasn't going to not do anything because of that. With how pissed she was at me, she likely hadn't done anything for me, but I didn't care. I didn't care much about the day anyway. Emily loved valentines day though, I wouldn't take that away from her, no matter how annoyed I was.

Although I had to work today, I still wanted to make it as special as possible. Months ago I had made reservations at the fancy restaurant Emily had wanted to try. I didn't know if Emily would come to dinner with me, but I was going to be there to pick her up regardless. Before work, I made Emily her favourite breakfast. She was likely awake so I quietly peeked in the room to find her sitting up, scrolling on her phone. Emily didn't acknowledge me, only looking up when I placed the tray on her lap. I walked back to the door, stopping briefly before leaving. 

"Happy valentines day. I love you."

Just before the door closed I heard a quiet 'I love you'. It was something at least. I hadn't heard that in person since our fight. I would never go that long without telling her I loved her, so I had messaged her at least once a day. Emily always replied, sometimes even messaging me first.

Before leaving, I left flowers in a vase on the counter, making sure to put a fake flower in with it. Every time I got Emily flowers, I would add a fake one in. It had become sort of a tradition after we were messing around in shops one day and I jokingly held up a fake flower, telling her I would love her until it died. I also added a massage/spa voucher, a nail voucher and a letter. It was written before our fight. Everything in it was still true though so I wanted her to read it.

Hi my love, 

Happy valentines day. I want you to know how much you mean to me, not just on Valentine's Day, but every single day. You are my rock, my partner-in-crime, and my favourite person to spend time with. I love you more than words will ever be able to express. 

You bring light into my life in ways I never imagined possible. Your laughter and smile is infectious, it fills me with so much happiness, love, and warmth. Everyday with you is an adventure, filled with love, laughter, goofiness and so much more. Being with you is the happiest I've ever been. I can't wait for the adventures, the boring, the fun and everything else that awaits.  

Unfortunately, I have work to do today, but you deserve to be pampered like the royalty you are. Go enjoy your day getting pampered, then put on something semi fancy and a little sexy ;) I'll pick you up at 6:30. 

I love you more than words can describe <3

P.S I'm going to love you until the last flower dies.

-Y/n

---

Today had probably been one of my least productive days at work. I had spent the entire day thinking about if Emily would actually come to dinner with me. I would convince myself she would, then the doubt would creep in and I would convince myself she would stand me up. 

At 6:30, I was waiting in the living room for Emily. To be honest, I was still half expecting her to not come out. Thankfully, a few minutes later she appeared, wearing a knee length, halter neck red dress with black heels. My eyes roamed over her body, taking in every inch of her. Fuck, she looked incredible. I stood in front of her, not touching her because I wasn't sure where we actually stood. "You look incredible Em."

"Thank you, you look amazing Y/n/n."

I offered my arm, internally smiling when hers looped with mine, "You ready to go?"

"Yeah. Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

Emily was super excited when she saw where we were. Throughout dinner, things were slightly awkward, but we had both seemed to put our fight to the side for now at least. We talked about our days and any light hearted topics we could think of. Even though things were still a bit awkward, I was incredibly happy to be talking again. I did miss touching her though. We were a very touchy couple, especially in private. Normally, there would be arm or leg touches, random kiss or cuddles. Tonight there was only a few minutes of hand holding and a cheek kiss. 

"Thank you for today by the way. I haven't been pampered like that in a long time. You didn't have to make me cry with that letter though."

"You deserve to be pampered Em. You also know I'm better with written words then spoken."

"It was beautiful. I didn't forget or just not do anything by the way. Your gift is just running late, it should be here tomorrow."

"You know I wouldn't care if you didn't get me anything."

"I know, but you deserve to get spoilt as well."

After dinner, we found ourselves walking along the waterfront. We weren't talking or touching, but it was nice regardless. I didn't want to go home still on bad terms with Emily. The fighting was exhausting, I missed my girlfriend and just wanted to finish the night cuddled up with her. So when we came across a bench, I sat down, patting the spot next to me. 

A few minutes of silence passed before I decided to speak up, "I wasn't sure if you would come tonight. Honestly, I was expecting to be stood up."

"We may be fighting, but I wouldn't miss this for the world Y/n/n. I know you. Which means I know you thought about this and booked this months in advance. I know you put a lot of thought into valentines day because you know I like it. You put so much effort into this for me, I love you too much to just disregard that."

My fingers laced with hers, kissing the back of her hand,  "I don't want to be fighting anymore. I miss you."

"Me neither. I guess I was just hurt that you didn't want to come with me."

I turned so I was facing her, hands holding both of hers. I wanted her to see how serious I was, to remove any doubt about me wanting to be with her. After closing the distance, I couldn't imagine ever going back to that long term. I needed her to understand that. 

"Emily, I'm still coming with you. Not coming with you has never been a thought let alone an option. I just need a month or two to finish this project. It's not ideal, I know that, but this project will get me to the point in my career that I've been working toward for years. It'll mean less hours, more autonomy over what I do."

"Maybe didn't want to come was the wrong way to say that. I was worried that you would change your mind and decide you didn't want to move. Or what if the project runs longer or something happens."

"Hey, listen to me. You are my future Em, there is nothing that would make me not want to move with you. If I stay, even if the project runs longer, I will be coming to you in 2 months at the absolute most."

"If that happens you won't get your promotion."

"I'll figure it out if that happens. There will be other options if it comes to it. Look, if you really don't want me to stay, say the word and I'll move when you do. Our relationship is more important than a job."

Emily squeezed my hands, shaking her head quickly, "No, this is a huge opportunity for you. I'm not going to take that away from you because I got scared. Besides, you're moving because of me, it wouldn't be fair. Get that promotion then come home to me. I know it was a bit of an overreaction, we've done long distance before, it's just been a while and that fear creeped in. I love you Y/n/n."

"I love you. I will always come home to you, you are my home Em. Now that we've sorted that, kiss me because I miss that."

Emily cupped the back of my neck, lips connecting with mine in a rough, passionate kiss. Things got heated quickly so I pulled away as we were still in public. "I missed you."

"I missed you too. I'm sorry for being so stubborn."

"It's okay, let's not make a habit of it though. Since it's valentines day, can you tell me what my gift is?"

Emily chuckled, pecking my lips quickly, "Nope. You can be patient one more day."

"Fine. Can we get ice cream then go home and cuddle now?"

Emily winked, "Just cuddles?"

My fingers ran along her thigh, slipping under her dress, "Maybe spicy cuddles."

---

The next day, Emily and I had spent most of the day in bed sleeping after a long night and cuddling. I had surprised her with breakfast before confusing her by getting back into bed. Normally, I would have to work, but after the last few days, I had decided to take the day off to just spend time with her. About mid afternoon, Emily dragged us out of bed to shower and finally get dressed. I didn't understand her rush to get ready until there was a knock on the door.

"Are we expecting someone?"

Emily smiled excitedly, "That's probably your gift. Go open it."

I slowly opened the door to find a large teddy bear on the other side. I figured it was a delivery person holding it so I awkwardly said hello, waiting for them to move or something. The teddy bear was handed to me, though when I looked up, it ended up on the floor. Standing in front of me, was my bestfriend that I hadn't seen in person for over a year. He had moved out of the country and things were busy so visits were few and far between. I jumped into his arms, holding him tight for who knows how long. We had been friends since birth pretty much, this was the longest we had gone without seeing each other. 

I pulled away, letting him inside before hugging Emily, "You did this?"

Emily smiled, wiping away my tears, "I know you how much you were missing him."

"Thank you Em. I love you so much."

#uswnt x reader #uswnt imagine #woso imagines #woso x reader #emily sonnett x reader #uswnt imagines

[pascaloverx]

OUR SECRET — MYG

chapter six

Summary: You and Yoongi are having an affair. No, you are not being his lover. But the world is not ready to know that an idol is dating someone. So you two were doing your best to make sure no one found out. Until he breaks up with you. His mistake.

Author's note: This fanfic will contain inappropriate language and intimate moments between some characters. Be warned. I will let you know if anything becomes inappropriate. Please enjoy this Yoongi fanfic.

PREVIOUS NEXT

The baby shower was fantastic. You didn't even miss the baby's father that much. Then you decided to go to bed early. But before you got it falling asleep, you heard the doorbell ring.

"I am going." You say as you walk towards the door, coming face to face with Yoongi. He has a visible bruise, very close to his eyebrow.

"Before you want me to leave, could you take care of that wound?" He asks, looking very downcast. You step back so he can enter his apartment.

"You and I are going to be parents to the same child. Obviously I'm going to take care of you." You say before closing the door and going directly to the bathroom to get the first aid kit. Yoongi sat on the sofa in your living room and stood there muttering words that you didn't quite know what they were.

"I know you're going to want to know what happened..." He says as soon as you sit down in front of him on the couch. You start to apply a product that will clean his wound and he lets out a groan of pain.

"If you don't want to tell me, that's fine. But stay still. Show our daughter that her father is strong enough to withstand this pain." And so you continue bandaging him, while he tries to bear the pain. He doesn't say anything, nor do you. It's frustrating.

"The woman I went out with had a controlling ex-boyfriend. He just showed up at our date and punched me. I defended myself, and when he realized I was famous, he ran off. So, I paid the bill and came here." Yoongi explained as you finished helping him with his wound.

"I'm sorry for you. And for her. No one deserves to go through these things." You say as you put away your first aid kit in the bathroom. When you return to the living room, Yoongi is almost lying down on the couch as if he's exhausted. You sit down beside him, gently stroking his head.

"Do you think I deserve this for what I did to you?" Yoongi speaks with his eyes still closed as you continue to stroke his head.

"No, I don't think so. Yoongi, I don't think you're a bad person. You make questionable choices and you're terrible at both breaking up with someone and proposing, but you're a good guy. You don't deserve to get hit by some ridiculous man who can't get over a breakup. Rest assured." You say reassuringly as you continue to stroke his head.

"I broke up with you against my will. The truth is, a gossip page found out about us. My company asked me to take action to fix it, and I took that step, which is pretty stupid, I know, but it wasn't an easy decision. And in the end, it didn't even matter. Soon, everyone will know that you and I are going to be parents, and personally, I don't care if it disappoints my fans." He says, gently opening his eyes to look at you. As for you, you were a bit emotional, perhaps realizing how fragile your relationship with Yoongi was.

"Do you think your fame would be alright if you were married to the mother of your child for a while and then you separated?" You ask, distancing yourself slightly from Yoongi. He looks at you, confused.

We get married, you announce to the world that you're starting a family. After a year of marriage, we divorce. We'll tell everyone it was the best thing for our family." You propose. Yoongi's eyes widen in surprise, processing your suggestion.

"Are you serious? You'd be willing to do that for me? For us?"He speaks surprised. You know he had proposed something similar before, but now this situation will be on your terms.

"I'm willing to do this for the future of this baby. A fake marriage to sort things out and move on. No feelings involved." You say seriously, and he seems to understand what you're proposing. Honestly, you don't want to get romantically involved with Yoongi again.

"No feelings involved, then." He reaches out his hand towards you, and you shake his hand, as if sealing a deal. You just hope you won't regret this.

#min yoongi x reader #min yoongi fanfic #min yoongi x you #min yoongi #yoongi x reader #unexpected pregnancy #ex to lovers #namjoon #jin #jhope #jungkook #jimin #taehyung #Spotify #yoongi fanfic #bts fanfic #yoongi fic #female reader #fake marriage

[shadow4-1]

You're Not My Boyfriend! - Crazy!Soap x Reader Imagine (SFW)

[I just found out that my best friend of 10 years thinks we're dating (even tho he knows I'm married and have only ever referred to him as a friend - albeit my best friend). Idk what mental hoops he had to jump through to get to this point. Instead of dwelling on this interpersonal fact, I'm going to distract myself with a imagine on why Soap would most certainly act with the same kind of crazy.]

The two of you crossed paths for the first time because you're someone who works a support role for the 141 (ie. the medical/technical fields). You're not in the 141, in fact, you rarely see them because you're too busy with your own duties behind the scenes. You know they're important/a big deal because your superiors tell you so, but it's not like you really care. You don't deal with them enough to.

When you finally crossed paths with Soap, you find all of the team a bit brutish. You don't really like talking to them, and if you have to, you keep it curt. Soap is the one who actually tries to chat you up. You still keep up the same behavior because no thanks. He smiles too wide, and he doesn't blink enough. You're 95% sure all of these men are psychopaths.

A few weeks go by, and you completely forget about him. It isn't until flowers and chocolates and teddy bears with your name on it start showing up. The same note is always inside: Can't wait to see you again. Your stomach flips because you haven't been on a date in a couple years. All of your coworkers think you finally have a new significant other. They coo over the gifts and talk behind your back about how someone like you doesn't deserve the effort. You don't have it in yourself to speak up nor would it really matter.

You throw yourself into your work to distract yourself from the gossip. You tear through assignments like it's no one's business. Eventually, your productivity is noticed by Laswell. Unbeknownst to you, she does a background check on you. She finds out you've already been noticed by the 141 and have been receiving gifts from a particular member. She's half tempted to tell you but decides against it. She knows this won't end well either way. Laswell decides to leave you be, but manages to pull some strings to get you a well-deserved promotion.

The gifts stop for a few months but start up again sporadically. Rumors start about how the timing of the gifts matches up with the 141 deployments. Someone on the team has taken a liking to you. You roll your eyes at them, and you don't want to believe them. Those meatheads from the 141? One of them likes you when they've got dozens of other pretty young things working in their peripherals? Ha, likely story. The person actually sending you the gifts is probably the old janitor. After all, chivalry is so dead nowadays.

The gifts keep coming even as you enjoy your new promotion. The notes start to change, but they continue to remain anonymous. You start to accept that your favorite flowers are being sent from a 141 member. You have to see them more often, thanks to your new post. It doesn't take you long to figure out which man has been trying to capture your attention. God, why does it always have to be the creepy ones?

He's too touchy and too insensitive, and he's loud and makes you feel small. You want him to leave every time you have to be in the room with the team. Why couldn't it have been the Captain or the maniac in black? Why does it have to be the Scottish one who won't shut up?

You learn (against your will) that his name is John "Johnny/Soap" MacTavish, he's single and ready to mingle, he loves his mum and his sisters and he thinks you're "bangin" (whatever that means). It's so obvious he's got a crush on you, but you desperately try to play it off. He's a puppy, and all you have to do is wait for him to grow up and realize it's never going to happen.

One night, you decide to head out with your coworkers for drinks. And lo and behold, guess who dragged his whole team out to the same bar? You're understandably pissed off, but you can't bear to tell Soap off in front of everyone. It's probably the biggest mistake of your life.

He physically sweeps you off your feet and refers to you as his "bestest girl". Despite how annoying he is, his good mood seems to run off on everyone...including you. He buys you drinks, and you keep him at a respectable arms length. Despite how much you really don't like him that way, you have to start admitting he's got a weird charm to him.

You make him repeat it back to you. He seems all too happy to agree with you.

Later on in the night, you take him off to the side. You explain to him clearly that the two of you are friends. Only friends. You'll never be more than that. But, he's a good guy, and if he needs someone to talk to, you're down to be friends.

"Yes, Bonnie. We're only friends."

With a sigh, you slap his shoulder and tell him to buy you another drink.

Weeks drag on. The romantic gifts stop, but the gifts keep coming. At first, it's nothing you'd really bat an eye over from a good friend. It's Scottish hot chocolate tablets that he swears you have to try. It's CDs of his favorite bands because your taste in music should be broadened! It's books and bags and stupid little trinkets to personalize your desk.

You can't believe you find yourself humoring him, but you do. After all, it seemed like his crush on you disappeared. You get him weird snacks and make him mixtapes for his longer missions. Always under the guise as a treat from the rest of the staff, you send care packages if you can. Johnny calls you out on it but you feign ignorance. He's your friend. You'd actually hate to know he's slogging around in mud, hungry and alone.

That sounds like pure hell.

"Y' git used to it, Bonnie."

Eventually, he suggests spending time outside of work. He mentions he'd gotten a new gaming console you'd been dying to have yourself. That night, the two of you sit comfortably side by side, trying to kick each other's asses at a video game. When he wims, he leans back and laces his arms beneath his head, grinning and laughing. He looks so proud of himself. A part of you whispers that it's because he'd weaseled his way into your good graces, but you were in too good of a mood to listen to that part of your brain.

Just as you were about to get ready to leave, Johnny stops you. It was late. You should take his bed and get some rest. He'd take you to work in the morning. Despite yourself, you agree. It was late, and you were tired, and the drive back home would be too long. You take off your pants, crawl into his huge bed and pass out.

The next morning was normal. You had an extra uniform in your locker, so you got changed at work. You had gotten a great night's sleep, so you didn't think about your appearance. But apparently, everyone else did.

The gossip began at full force. Someone saw you changing despite the fact you always came into work in uniform. Johnny looked terrible. It was obvious he hadn't gotten great sleep last night. You looked well rested. In fact, you were even glowing! And Johnny had dropped you off, too?

Oh no.

You wanted to address the new rumors, but that's all they were. And even if you did, you were sure it would just backfire. You tried to keep your head down, but one of your best friends (a fellow coworker) came by your desk. Apparently, Johnny was bragging that his bestest friend spent the night over.

You were so mad you tracked him down and pulled him to the side. You whispered angrily at him, chastising him for making it seem like the two of you were an item. You were only friends!

"Yeah, you're m' bestest girl." He shrugged, grinning happily. "N' m' you're bestest boy. We love each other."

The deranged pieces were starting to come together. The way he brushed off the advances of the other girls. The way all of your prospective partners disappeared after getting into it with him. The knowing, almost pitying glances of the 141.

"W-we're friends!" You squeaked. "You're not my boyfriend!"

"Boy friend. Boyfriend. What's th' difference?" Johnny laughed hard, doubling over. "We're together."

After that, you blocked his number and tried to ignore him. Of course, it didn't work. Johnny was relentless. He got new phone numbers to text you. He started sending gifts (this time a mix between the romantic and the mundane). He sent letters of all kinds during deployment. He even sent pictures you were sure would get him in trouble.

You tried so hard to ignore it all until one night, he messaged you on social media.

He was out on a mission again, but he just had to say how he felt:

I can't wait to get home and see you again. I miss you so much. You're one of the only people I can talk to and laugh with. I'm sorry if I made you upset. We should talk about it over dinner. My treat, Bonnie.

You knew better. God, you knew better. But that part of your heart that wanted to trust and love won over. You agreed to talk when he returned, but you made it very clear that it would be a meeting between coworkers, not even friends.

The day eventually came, and the two of you sat across from each other at a too fancy restaurant. There was a dress code, so you had on a nice dress. You were mad from the jump, you couldn't believe you'd let him talk you into this.

He was dressed nicely in a suit, with a bushel of flowers and a medium-sized gift box. He apologized for making you feel uncomfortable. He'd never meant to make you feel that way. He really did see you as his best friend. In his eyes, you were the only person who truly understood him. He let his physical attraction blind him, and for that, he was sorry.

"I'll admit, I did a few bad things against y'." He offered you the box. "I wanna give it all back, wipe the slate clean, love."

Love?

You shakily opened the box and felt bile rise up in the back of your throat. It was pairs of your old panties, missing chapsticks, nail polish, scrunchies, and even a dirty uniform shirt you thought you had lost. The contents of the box had a slightly musky scent that no longer resembled yours. He'd stolen these things and had kept them for a long, long time. Perhaps even before the two of you had become "friends".

You covered your hand with a mouth as you felt like you were getting sick. What the fuck?

"We'll, now tha' everything's been laid bare..."

You watched in shock as a few classical musicians with their instruments came around the table. They encircled you and began playing a romantic piece with sweet vibratos. The guests at other tables started to gasp and point at you. You tried to stand, but John put a hand on your shoulder to keep you sitting. With a voice loud enough for the whole restaurant to hear he began to talk.

"These last couple years you've been my bestest friend, m' bestest girl." He sighed dreamily before getting down onto one knee.

You were mortified. You tried to pull your feet away from him, but he placed a firm hand on your knee. He pulled out a shiny box from his suit pocket. The music hit a peak that made you start to cry from overstimulation. No, no, this couldn't be happening. He's crazy!

"Please, be m' bestest girl forever." He practically pleaded, opening the box to show off a much too large diamond ring. Women at the tables behind you gasped. The music began to stop, but the whine of the violins hurt your head. Tears began to spill down your face.

"Marry me, love."

The entire restaurant went silent.

You could feel dozens upon dozens of eyes on you.

The pressure was too much for you to outright say no.

But you couldn't say yes, either.

You began to sob loudly. You covered your face and tried to hide away from the gaze of the strangers. John shushed you and cooed and pulled you into his arms. You wanted to fight him but his large body shielded you from the petriying public gaze. He rubbed at your back and whispered encouraging words to you. Eventually, he got you to stop blubbering and pulled away from you just enough to look down into your face.

"I love you. N' 've always loved you." He smiled.

You squeaked at the feeling of ice-cold metal being slipped down your middle finger.

You looked down at the ring in shock.

The entire restaurant erupted into claps and whistles and congratulatory whoops.

"N' now we'll be bestest friends forever, love."

#cod imagines #soap x reader #soap headcanons #john soap mactavish #soap cod #soap imagine

[venelona-turtle-den]

A bit of a side thing, but, yeah. Me tired. Feel free to disregard this post, I'm just letting some feelings out so my brain stops torturing me.

Honestly, tired is not quite the right word. Its more like I've been too caught up in work and my brain denies me relaxation? Like... ever since I got an idea for the Ghost Future Leo, I've been working on him every day. And by the nature of how I do things, I don't start a new drawing until I finish the last, so, he was all I've worked on. And it comes with the anxiety that 'I haven't posted anything in so long, that's bad, you're not productive'.

And then I finished Ghost Leo to the point where I could post him, and, it, uh... Got complicated? Because, no doubt, it's a BIG project, I worked A TON on him, but it wasn't really, like... a comic. Or a drawing. So I took a break, I promise I did, but then I wanted to get back to posting proper art and all.

Exceeeept I also wanted to keep working on Ghost Leo. Partly because I like working on him, truly, but also... I feel like I owe it to people? Like... I live with the fear that there's not enough to him, that people will get bored in like three days and that will be that, and I owe folks who enjoy spending time with him to expand the features. I want to respond to people posting and talking about him because that's everything I've wanted, to see people's reactions, and I feel like I can't leave anyone hanging, because that was what I asked for in the first place... All those posts and nice asks bring me so much joy, and I want people to know it.

As well as all the asks from people who need help - as a creator, I owe it to them to help them through everything, to fix mistakes and bugs, to answer questions...

And because of that, I feel bad when I try to take a break for more than a day - I have things to answer, and I don't want to answer them inadequately, because I want people to know that I care about every ask.

So, in short... despite me doing art I still feel like I'm not doing enough, despite the recent updates my brain still tells me I need to do more, and I'm afraid of starting on something like a comic because it feels I have too much of other stuff to do and I can't let myself focus my attention on something else for a week or two...

I know its all baloney, and that I deserve to rest, that I can freaking sit down and play Star Rail for three days and people won't hate me for it, but... that's not what my brain thinks and signals to my body. Silly me.

Thank you for reading this to those who did, I wrote this thing to just say... I hope my brain is actively lying to me, and people won't riot if I take a bit of time getting to answer the asks or posting more art. I promise I read everything, I just need to get back into a groove of things, especially since May and June are months that get busy with the school work on top of everything. I hope that's understandable 💖

#v rambles #vent #cw vent #in short this post is about my brain being like 'hey. i know you made this big project but lets be real. you didnt post shit' #and im like... i know its not true. but my brain tells me it is and doesnt let me relax #sorry for a sudden personal infodrop #i just felt like if i dont talk about it i will keep getting more anxious

[lemongrabbsworld]

Little minx

Vulcan x reader

Warnings:smut, Spanking, spitting, fem!Reader, exhibition (somewhat), sexual photography, oral (m!receiving), degrading, praise, Mean names for ex. slut and whore ect., Smut with little to no story, Please tell me if I missed a tag or if I should put a warning about something that makes you uncomfortable <3

Walking into the room you noticed your tense boyfriend he was talking and working on his newest project. The smells of the tangy metal and flames infiltrated your nose. As you sauntered closer you’re now noticed by your boyfriend and the captain.

“Hey Vulcan!” You say in the sweetest tone that you can muster up at that point, ”hey” Is all he says then continues back to the conversation captain and goes on and on about his newest product.

You visibly roll your eyes, he know that you hate when he does stuff like this but he can’t help that he was talking to the captain? Fine he doesn’t want to pay attention I’ll just have to take it. You had thought just like the bratty bitch you were.

NSFW UNDER CUTTTTTT

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You've been warned, if you don't like the story just block me and don't report

Aswell as don't repost my work

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The loud claps of your ass against his hand is what snapped you back to reality,”fuck, god how much of a whore do you have to be,” he stops groaning and slapping you ass again,” fuck, to make me hard n’front of my team.” He groans out push himself deeper inside your gummy walls. “Hah, m’so sorry Vulcan won’t happen again.” Grounding yourself against him chasing your release.

“ better not, and if you stop yelling like a bitch on heat you might even get to cum.” He says after forcing your jaw open with his finger making you glance back at him. "now be a good girl and open wide for me.” at this point he’s railing himself into you with his ring finger in your mouth gathering spit that's dribbling out of your mouth.

“Sucking and spitting gibberish all over my thumb isn’t gonna tell what you want. You want me to ruin your tight little pussy?” He daunts you, he wants you to know how much of a punishment this was for being a little minx, but you’ve enjoyed this more than normal sex.

“Do it, Vulcan I deserve it.” You say babbling while sucking on his thumb and looking at him through your lashes,” ruin me.” He moans out to your response thrusting deeper into your sopping cunt if possible.

“Shut,” Thrust. ”up,” thrust. “Slut.” Thrust. “Fuck they’re gonna hear you if you don’t shut up.” He says with a slap to your ass. “Can’t m’so close Vulcan please,” you whine and sputter out. “ so close wanna cum all over your cock please.” Crying and begging out as your walls clenched and sucked more of his cock inside of you. “So close, So close lemme cum please been so good lemme cum.” Babbling out to him. clenched around him, "fuckkk- yes baby cum all over my cock since you want it so bad, fuck!" he grunts out and thrusts up into your slutty, slimy cunt. If they were to be listening in on what was happening they would surely hear how sloppy and wet Vulcan had made you. "Oh god yes, Vulcan gonna I'm gonna-!" you sputter out drooling as your cunt contracts around him milking him while your Cumming, "Fuck Cumming baby I'm gonna cum-" velvet walks milking every last drop of out of him, he's grunting and throwing his head back at the work your cunt is doing to his now semi-hard cock. moaning and whining at him moving, "hmm stop moving its sensitive." you whimper out looking back at him with teary eyes and red tear stained cheeks. "Fuck baby, 'M so sorry just felt so nice couldn't help myself." he says moving close to kiss you on the mouth, moaning and grunting into the kiss, "Fuck baby you're such a whore you want me to fuck you again don't you?" He questioned turning you around onto your back and shoving himself back into you. You yelp and moan as he sets a painfully slowing his thrusts hitting every nerve inside your body. "God! I cant please Vulcan!" You moan out your walls contracting around his cock, "Mhm Baby yes you can I know you can just let it go f'me m'kay?" he says right against your ear sending you over the edge cumming.

"Hah, Yes fuck Vulcan!" you yell not caring whose around at this point and to be honest neither did he, "Fuck yes princess you needed that huh?" he questions kissing down your back as he still keeps his thrusts the same speed making you twitch and contract around him. "Too much, its too much fuck I'm gonna-"You cum again this time squirting all over the floor. Crying and weak almost ready to fall over, "Not yet baby Fuck Need to cum first? That okay, its okay if I cum in this slutty pussy hmm? My slutty girl fuck!" he moans out speeding up getting closer to his end, you know you should tell him to pull out but at this point you don't care all reason has left your head with the past orgasms you'd had. "Princ- HAH! Princess c'mon answer can I cum inside?" he begs getting to the point where he cant think and his body reacts to your soft cunt pulling and sucking him inside, "Mhm yes Vulcan y 'can please want you too." you moan and mumble out through choked sobs he cums moaning and grunting as he thrusts into your sopping cunt leaving a ring of cum and slick around the base of his cock as he grounds himself into your pussy.

pulling out shoving his fingers in you to keep cum inside , your limp body still having a reaction somewhat to his fingers. He pulls them out then rubbing it on your bare thigh as you shutter, "C'mon babe pose for the picture." He says with a camera out and at the ready to save your fucked out face for as long as he keeps the photo.

#x reader #reader insert #anime smut #vulcan #fire force smut #hard kink #cutie pie #cutest #dork #sweetie #cutie patootie #animes online #anime and manga #anime #fire force #company 7 #Vulcan Fire force #vulcan joseph

[dross-the-fish]

Thoughts on AI I was talking to some people about AI and generally I've been pretty neutral on AI as a tool. I've seen people bring up that it could be used as a good way for disabled people or people who generally aren't good at art to bring their ideas to life and honestly I'm pretty ok with that on principle. I am pretty firmly against AI being allowed to indiscriminately scrape the work of artists without their input or say so and I'm against Ai being used by the entertainment industry as a replacement for actual artists and writers. However what I really want to talk about is the use of AI as a tool, assuming it can be used ethically. I really hate the argument of "It's soulless," or "It's cheating" (used ethically it's just anther medium like photography or collages. Art is not measured by the amount of effort or the tools used. I am really tired of that take) and a particular scaremongering argument I've had directed at myself "It will replace you."

Because I do draw that's the one I get leveled at me the most. That AI will do what I do and do it better so there will be no point to me or what I make. They like to paint artists vs AI as John Henry vs The Machine and I just do not care for it. I think it's reductive to art and to artists to frame the value of art as a matter of effort vs quality of product. AI cannot make what I make because it's not me. It won't create my characters, it can only output what it's fed. The work it creates may be of better quality, more complex in texture and composition, more precise or more detailed but it can never build my characters because it doesn't know my characters like I do. I got curious and tried to use an AI image generator to see if I could make art with it and I could not. I have no idea how to input the fucking prompts in a way that makes something worth looking at and I lost the motivation to learn how to do so very quickly. As a creative outlet there was something so joyless about it. I felt like I was doing paperwork or coding and that's the shit I regularly get paid to do at my soul killing day job. I don't want to do it for fun. Also the intimacy was gone? I didn't feel like I was spending time with my creation and there was no sense of bringing something to life. None of the pleasure of watching a face take shape line by line and filling in the details until my character was looking back at me, imperfect due to the limitations of my skills but still fully realized and in some strange way "alive". Working with an AI generator felt so tedious. Even if I could learn how to use this tool and do it properly so that I get "better" looking results I don't want to. I feel so disconnected from the end product that I can't envision it ever bringing me any kind of fulfillment to make use of this tool. But I think, again, assuming it can be used ethically, as just another tool for making art it deserves to exist and be accessible to people who might enjoy using it to be creative. It's not the process or the software that's the issue, it's the way it's being abused and no amount of people trying to scare me with "AI could do it better than you" is going to frighten me away from preferring to draw by hand.

The point of art is not to be good, it's to create, it's to make something and to bring ideas to life. As much as I have my criticisms about AI I feel like a lot of the language used to condemn it presents a narrow view of what makes art "worthy" and it sets a goal post where none should exist.

Everyone should be allowed to create, and they should have access to whatever tools they are comfortable using and when we talk about AI vs Artists we should focus less on the quality and ease of use and more on the dilemma of using other people's work without consent and the potential for mass production of cheap and lazy products for profit from the entertainment industry at the expense of employing writers and artists.

#Ai discourse

[prettygirlmjmjmj]

Glowing up this school year

Whenever I am entering a new school year I'm always filled with excitement. I love shopping for new clothes, stationary and essential items. I get to pick out my favourite pens and decorate my folders and books with pretty stickers. But, I often find that as I shop and prepare for a new academic year I forget to check in on myself and ensure that I am at my healthiest and happiest. I have learnt the hard way that if I don't take care of myself and my mental health my academic ability slides. And that's the last thing I want (especially this year)! Starting a new school year is the perfect time to glow up in every way that I can.

Physical

1. First of all I will be aiming to work out 4 - 5 times a week. My body is deserving of me carving out a space in my timetable for exercise so that's what I'll do. I aim to work out for at least an hour with a mix of exercises (cardio, weights and Pilates).

2. Secondly I will start and end my day with a minimum of five minutes of yoga. Not only does yoga help relax me and allow me to unwind, it also helps with my flexibility and is just fun to do!

3. I will follow the 80/20 diet rule. I don't want to go on a super restrictive diet or force myself to eat healthy foods I simply don't enjoy, so I wont. Instead I will eat the rainbow, enjoying fruits and vegetables which I adore, avoid dairy except for special occasions (I love dairy products so much but I know they make me sick) and avoid unhealthy snacks or foods that I know will only make me feel worse in the long run. This is probably going to be one of my harder aims as I love food, baking and eating out with my friends. I will try to remind myself that there are dairy-free alternatives I can eat/bake and that an occasional treat once in a while is perfectly acceptable and healthy!

4. Drink more water and matcha, avoid sugary drinks. I know, I know every glow up list has to include this. But seriously I need to drink more water. I'll try and fill my water bottle up at least twice a day and drink plenty of glasses of water in-between. I also want to avoid sugary drinks that leave me feeling bloated. I plan on instead drinking water or cranberry juice and soda water (a fab combo in my opinion). I love matcha so much!! But, sometimes I'm too lazy to stand there whisking the matcha and making it foamy and completing all the steps required. I know that matcha makes me feel good so I want to drink it twice a week. Not only is matcha great for you but it's a super alternative to coffee.

Mental

1. My first mental glow up rule is to not go on my phone or other devices for half an hour in the morning. I know that going on my phone only slows me down and on a school morning it's especially important that I make use of all the time that I can. I will also not go on any devices for an hour before bed. Blue light really does affect your sleep schedule and I know that instead of scrolling through Pinterest or Tumblr before bed, reading or yoga really will make me feel so much better. I want to get 7 - 8 hours of sleep and avoiding my phone will really help me with that.

2. Reading 30+ minutes a day. This one will be easy for me which is great after some harder rules. I love literature and having already almost completed my 2023 reading goal I'm excited to find more books to read (please feel free to recommend me any of your favourite books! Especially any autumnal/spooky reads).

3. Developing my hobbies. I love scrapbooking, baking and writing along with so many more activities. I would love to invest more time in these especially as they help to relax me and just allow me to be more creative. I also want to find/start more hobbies so I plan on researching fun ways to be creative.

4. Learning new skills that will help me be better at my subjects and encourage me to take more of an active interest in them. I want to feel more inspired about my subjects. This will involve me listening to podcasts themed around my subjects, reading academic journals and so much more. I also plan on learning more about things that interest me that I don't necessarily need for school.

Personal

1. Firstly I will be consistent with my self-care and routines. My skin, hair, body and nail care routines are tailored to ensure I get the best results and avoid things like dry skin or scalp. Being consistent with these will ensure that I am taking care of myself and treating every part of my body the way it deserves.

2. Making sure my wardrobe and style stays clean and organised. If my clothes are neatly sorted and I know where everything is then I can make it easy to prepare a stylish outfit for the morning. Same with my accessories, the more I know my wardrobe, the more I know what works with what and so on.

3. Make sure I open myself up to new opportunities, people and things. I have a tendency to close myself of (especially with new people) so I'm so excited to be in a busier environment with more clubs and things to do. I don't want to overload my schedule but I am planning on joining clubs or going to activities which will help me with my subjects and benefit my academic career, as well as helping me make friends.

4. Finally I will be taking time for myself at least once a day. Whether it's reading a book for fun, taking a self-care bath, a hot girl walk or making an elaborate drink I want to make time for me. Even if it's only for five minutes I want to take a moment to prioritise myself.

Thank you so much for reading darlings! I hope you all have a wonderful day/night, drink plenty of water and take care of you and your mental health.

All my love, mj.

#glow up #self care #glow up journey #glow up era #that girl #mental wellness #positive things #self development #coquette #pink pilates princess #it girl #that girl lifestyle #that girl energy #that girl routine #becoming that girl #that girl aesthetic

[benkyoutobentou]

31 Days of Productivity Reading: Day twenty five

Before: We are getting scarily close to the end of the month… I absolutely want to read ten volumes of manga because I know that it’s doable. I had one month last year where I just ended up reading a ton and read thirty one volumes in one month. I’ve definitely been focusing more on novel reading this month, and I feel like all things considered, I haven’t had as much time for reading this month as I usually do. Which kind of makes me want to do this again some time.

The current plans for today are watch the last episode of ゆびさきと恋々, go to the library to study, and finish ベルばら volume two. It’s not supposed to rain today, so the current plan is to walk to the library. I’m also thinking that I might choose and English audiobook to listen to on the walk, so I’ll have to scour my English shelves to find one I want to listen to.

After: That was such a good last episode! I really hope they get a season two because this show totally deserves it. I love seeing people’s reasons for learning languages and seeing an interest that’s so dear to me in a fictional character is really special, so of course I loved seeing Itsuomi’s backstory. I also pulled out my fancy gyokurocha for this last episode. カンパイ！

Today's trip to the library was also successful and productive. My hold came in and they miscategorized my name again, but at least I know where to look now. I did in fact start listening to Little Fires Everywhere on the walk there, and studied some Mandarin at the library. My only issue with walking to the library is that after walking there (and walking the dog beforehand) and studying a bit, I get really hungry. Oh, I also discovered that my library has 青のフラッグ！This is great news for me and terrible news for my tbr.

I've been thinking lately on how this challenge is shaping up to be a little bit of a failure, and I'm trying to figure out why. I might get through all of my goals and I might be reading an hour every day, but I feel like I'm not prioritizing reading in my schedule this month like I normally do. Usually when that happens, it's because I'm not enjoying what I'm reading, or I'm not in the mood for it, but I can say pretty certainly that that's not what's happening here. Honestly, my hypothesis is that the timing aspect is putting extra pressure on me and causing me to avoid reading. Instead of reading a page here and there, which then turns into a longer reading session, I think I'm searching for the mythical "perfect time" to read so that I don't have to stop and start my timer much, and then putting off reading until the last possible moment in the day. Other than this odd little setback, I've been enjoying this challenge (and I think it's good for me), so I think I might bring it back in a few months' time and try setting a page count goal for myself rather than a time goal.

On that note, I read 56 pages today over an hour and one minute with an average reading pace of 1.1 minutes per page. Finishing this volume is absolutely in the cards for tomorrow, and I'd like to make reading a higher priority as well. It feels rough taking three days to get through a volume of manga anymore when I know I can do it in a day, it's just that I'm not giving myself the proper reading time to do so. Which I need to fix.

#benkyou posting #langblr #studyblr #language learning #polyglot #30 days of productivity #booklr

[strawberryicemoon]

Why I can't watch the Ducktales Finale

I'm not the kind of person who struggles to watch the last episode of something. I love to finish a show, and let it sit in my brain. I'm the kind of person who often enjoys spoilers because it adds to my understanding of the media. I love to view the media in their entirety just as much as I love a journey to get there.

But I can't get past the first few minutes of Ducktales 2017, The Last Adventure. And it's because of spoilers that I couldn't deal with. I don't like them, and even years later after I've had time to digest, and have seen so many finale clips, that I still can't just sit down and watch it. And I've made attempts. I've looked through the summary of the episode to prepare. But I can't.

And there's... a couple of things that rub me the wrong way about the Finale that keep me from being able to just watch it.

1. Webby is Scrooge's Clone Daughter

2. Webby is April, of April May and June

3. Donald and Daisy are going on vacation.

Now, I don't actually hate any of these... conceptually. And I'm well aware that Frank Angones has stated the Webby twist was planned from very early on. And usually I am completely down for whatever a finale is, as long as I can tell that this was something the creator really believed in.

I'm a fan of such "controversial" endings as, Amphibia and Digimon Adventure 02, because I know exactly why they ended like that. It's written in the themes. Even if it took me time to understand Adventure's ending, I've grown to understand it and love it once I learned more about the original Japanese version and the shows production (and also grew up myself). Amphibia ended exactly as I expected based on one of the very earliest things I heard about the show from Matt Braly: "an ode to past friendships". Even if I think there are things they messed up I GET IT. I wouldn't want them ending any other way.

So I understand WHY the decision is made. Conceptually it does make sense. Webby exists as a composite character of April May and June, and I believe shares the same name as April in one language. Webby being Scrooge's clone daughter is an effective way of full-circling her relationship with him. Strangers in each other's home to father and daughter. She's family not BECAUSE of Blood, but because of Love. She still loves her Granny, it's just the non blood relationship wasn't the one she thought it was. And Donald deserves a vacation, and to have the more down to earth life experiences he wanted, especially after raising his sisters kids alone for 10 years.

But they still twist me up inside.

And I think it comes down to three reasons: 1. Lack of Continuity between episodes 2. An over-focusing on Scrooge 3. Handling of Word of God

1. Lack of Continuity between episodes Part of what got me to fall in love with Ducktales was S1 and the continuity of the Spear of Selene subplot. We got hints at a semi-regular pace, but it successfully overhung the entire series. It was what separated Scrooge and Donald. It was why Della was gone. The subject matter was of course not something that needed to be overstated, as most of it was being kept hush hush. Sure it was a mystery, but not an urgent one. Dewey had never had his mom, so it wasn't like he couldn't focus on anything else for a while

But in S2 I started noticing that the show stopped explaining or foreshadowing things. Maybe it always did, I haven't re watched it properly. But I definitely noticed something off about the storytelling then. But it was definitely a problem throughout the show.

Webby never brought up Lena after her sacrifice until the relevant episode.

Lena living with the Sabrewings was something never brought up until episodes later we saw her with them.

We had Della talking about the boys with their "Uncles" setting up the pain of not knowing how things fell apart after her departure, only to get no payoff.

We didn't get ANYTHING about Webby's parentage until the final episode, and barely a hint in 1 season 3 episode.

Almost every finale episode changes the status quo in some way. The question is how much. Lots of final episodes kind of have things going back to the way they were before plot kicked off but better (like with new friends or a new government). Sometimes someone dies.

Webby being Scrooge's clone is paradigm shifting. And that kind of thing needs to be set up. You CANNOT catch your audience off guard with something like that.

In Digimon Adventure 02 the series ends with everyone on earth with a digimon partner which is controversial but at least built up throughout the series at hints of other digidestined until an arc near the end showcased many international digidestined. Hilda ends with the reveal that Hilda's mother is half-fairy, and despite not being present throughout the first two seasons, it was hinted at through the third season, and contextualized some of the few things we did know before about Johanna's childhood. The Hollow's first season ends with you finding out it was all a game, but it had been hinted at before with the video game nature of the world. Sure Avatar didn't hint at Aang getting the power to take away bending, but we knew he was a pacifist who didn't want to kill so was looking for a solution, getting the power to remove bending (ie power over others) works thematically, in the same way Anne using the power of the stones and getting brought back to life by a god like being worked. Sure, Scratch turning out to be a wraith at the end of The Ghost and Molly McGee was rather sudden, but people had been theorizing that Todd was Scratch's body for a long time, so it wasn't like there weren't any hints, and while the show was cut short and had to rush to end, the build up of Scratch's memories at least gave some sort of foreshadowing link to what was going on.

There's a reason people rarely throw in new characters at the very end of a show. It can absolutely work. Amphibia and The Owl House threw in "God" at the end, but that gets a pass for being the kind of figure they meet once and then move on with their lives. On the other side, you can sometimes have secret big bads that were pulling the strings the whole time too. I can't speak for the finale of Ducktales (because again, can't bring myself to watch it), but adding two new characters on top of changing the entire dynamic of how the family is set up at the very end of the show does not sit well with me. We won't get to see how this change in status quo effects the characters. We saw how learning about their mom affected the boys relationship with Scrooge, her return and having to build a relationship with her and her presence conflicting with Launchpad's. But we don't get that with Scrooge and Webby? Basically too many status quo shifts in the finale all at once.

All we got was Beakley was a spy, was overprotective of Webby, and a few episodes before the end it was revealed Beakley was lying to her. Webby didn't seem to care about her parents. And this was a girl who was very dedicated to unraveling the secrets of clan mcduck. Couldn't they have had one hint at some point in the show where it was unclear if it was the boys or Webby who were recognized as a McDuck? Some offhand mention where the boys ask her about HER parents, because she helped them with her mom?

You couldn't tell what was or was not going be important in the way they dropped. It's very hard to set your expectations when you had no clue what to expect. And while there is something to be said for unexpected surprises and twists in a story, an audience really needs to know what is or is important or they're going to go on wild goose chases and get disappointed when they build up hype for something the show then refuses to address.

In HINDSIGHT, I find it extremely odd that Huey and Louie, prior to finding out about Dewey's investigations, did not pry at ALL into the fact that hey: if Donald was an adventurer with Scrooge, then he had to know their mom. Like that’s weird right?

2. An over-focusing on Scrooge Scrooge is the Center of the Universe.

I'm not a Disney Ducks fan. Aside from 2017, and pop culture osmosis, I know very little. But the thing is I am someone whose first inclination once I become a fan of something is to check out the wiki pages for information. Find about what longstanding fan mysteries there are. I understand the importance of cross continuity callbacks. I'm a fan of other longstanding series and have rubbed elbows with several others. I get really long franchises with several iterations.

Which is to say that I, despite not having a horse in this race, understand how this works and how it should work.

Now a bit of this is the fact Ducktales is ABOUT Scrooge. But Scrooge isn't the center of the Duck universe. Something I find pretty interesting is the fact that Donald has reasonably fleshed out family trees on both sides of his family. That's cool. That's how real people work, a meeting point of the stories of those who came before. But Ducktales doesn't care, the only adult the show cares about is him. I get that to a certain extent it was the show execs insisting on focusing on the kids. And again, he's kind of the main character. But you brought back Donald, and Della. There are other characters here with rich lives, he doesn't need to take over everything.

It's especially egregious ANY time the McDuck clan gets involved. Could Matilda be the youngest child now? Sure. But that's a really arbitrary change, that they don't use for anything. And even if that was purposeful, the fact is that the first thing they established is Donald's mom is still Scrooge's sister, so Donald is the grandson of Fergus and Downy McDuck. Not nephew? Surely they could recognize him? But where is Hortense and Quackmore? They brought them up in the first episode, and then they never made any appearances aside from references. Why were Donald and Della staying with Scrooge for Christmas? Never clarified. Fans (reasonably) assumed they were dead. Scrooge called Donald his ward (admittedly when he also called him Fergus and Downy’s nephew rather than grandson). I mean where else would they be when their DAUGHTER DISAPPEARED. Would they not want to meet their grandchildren? But that was never clarified. And I've seen some fans alternatively interpret them as bad parents, which I think is just really unfair. Scrooge gets to be the good parent? It's once again Scrooge to the rescue. The CAPITALIST? I mean it's also a little bit just a family issue in general: It's Uncle Gladstone and Cousin Fethry when they are theoretically the same: technically cousins but old enough to be honorary uncles. It's fair enough. But really that brings us to the Duck family in general.

Grandma Duck? What about Gladstone and Fethry's parents? Gus Goose? Are they all dead? Does Fethry have any siblings? Do the boys not know or not care about the Duck side of the family? They know Gladstone but no one else? I mean Scrooge's parents, who should be dead, were magically kept alive but nothing for the duck family. Speaking of which, they constantly bring up how old Scrooge and occasionally refer to the causes of his supernatural age, but that does not explain how young Donald and Della are compared to him. Overall, we get nothing on the Duck family except for its existence at least, so even removed from the context of Disney Ducks legacy its weird to introduce a side of the family and just gloss over it.

The one episode about the Duck family legacy is a Webby episode. Which, fine, she's not a Duck, but she's part of the family. Except wait. She's Scrooge's daughter/clone, and you gave her the focus on the one episode about the Duck family not the McDuck's? You couldn't leave Scrooge out of anything?

So for Webby's great twist in the finale, was taking not just one, but two characters NOT related to Scrooge (April and Webby), and tying them to Scrooge. I think I could deal with Webby being April, and (HUGE MAYBE) Webby being Scrooge’s clone or April being Scrooge’s clone but not both. Not to mention April, May and June are DAISY's nieces... not random three girls who are her boyfriends uncles clone and and boyfriends uncles clones clone? It doesn't sit right with me that a character who I thought was supposed to be learning that he was sometimes in the wrong, and not the center of morality (see how he made Glomgold a villain through his own ego), continue to be made the center of the universe in ways he simply shouldn't be.

He's literally an old rich guy. Like there is historical context for why this character is like this, but why does the world revolve around him in this show.

3. Word of God Word of God is useful. As are interviews and statements made by the creator. It helps to provide insight into the themes. I love seeing the person behind the art.

But here's the thing. Word of God is clarification, insight into how you should look at the work to set expectations. It's supplementary. It doesn't replace text.

This is a little bit difficult to really talk about now that I'm several years removed from the experience, so grain of salt and all, but I really think the way Word of God was handled did the show a disservice.

Back to Lena becoming a Sabrewing, we didn't get that in show. Lena just dropped off the face of the earth, not until S3’s premier we got a clarification on that in show.

We never got Della's reaction to learning that Donald and Scrooge were estranged, she just suddenly stopped speaking under that assumption.

So Word of God became an essential part of understanding the text, because a lot of necessary information was left unexplained by the canon its a huge problem. And Word of God is often fluid. It can be changed later if during the writing process something changes. (We should probably cover this topic in show and want to do it a bit differently, I have a great Idea of what we can do to turn that error into foreshadowing, I was lying to the fans to keep a secret).

But when word of god is necessary, word of god becomes essential for tempering expectations about the show.

This is probably going to be less of an issue for people who come and watch the show later. Sure, things are still unexplained, but when you can binge the show Lena's unexplained absence is less obvious, you're so busy moving on to other things that Della's change in understanding about the situation is clearly unimportant and you can move on.

But what ended up happening is that Frank Angones struggled to balance clarifications, keeping show secrets, and a sometimes changing story. Which sometimes left characters completely sure on where the story was sitting, only for it to be ripped out from under them. Also, tying back to the first point, of plot points being dropped until the episode where they where they were relevant made it VERY difficult to tell what was or wasn’t going to be relevant, and what emotional beats to get emotionally invested in.

Prior to the finale there was a bit of a community of Webby/Triplet shippers. Personally, I see that as a complete dismissal of the themes of the show and a bit heteronormative. I avoided all such content. But at the same time, shipping doesn't hurt anyone. At the end of the day, the boys and Webby were not related by blood, and hadn't even met until age 10. There wasn't... really a reason you couldn't ship them. There are TONS of shows out there with 10 year old characters and love interests. Just off the top of my head: Any Ship with Ash Ketchum, Sprigivy, Phinabella, Kenyako, Sorato. Even if they don't get together at 10, (or at all) the fact of the matter is 10 year olds getting shipped is old news. I'm still attached to Pokeshipping and Takari to this day, even if I tend to see them more as platonic relationships these days. So I avoided all shipping with them, but I understood why people (particularly younger people) were shipping them. Until the finale hit, and the ships that people thought never going to be canon, but were safe, weren't. To a certain extent, that's the game you play with shipping clearly noncanonical ships. But I feel that the way questions about shipping were answered didn't help, because iirc he tended to say the show wouldn't focus on that more than he explicitly stated the kids were family. He called Webby/Triplet shipping highly unlikely for example, giving it more legitimacy than a no, which leant to it being taken as a solid fact prior to the finale that Webby was definitely not related to the boys, because a lot of what else was said was solid fact.

4. (Bonus): of course, I do also feel it kind of isn't enough to justify breaking the found family. So much of Webby's arc was being accepted into the family. Becoming the 4th triplet. So for her to have been blood all along is a little cheap. Sure it doesn't break the becoming family despite blood before. But, having meta-knowledge of Launchpad probably finding family with Gosalyn and Drake Mallard, it's just Beakley whose left as not blood related (and she's technically the help...). And yeah, there's the Granny/Grandaughter adopted relationship. But....

Webby is one of four kids. Again, she became one of the kids. So yeah. I'm happy that she became one of the kids. Able to call him uncle scrooge. But it feels weird to me that she, the kid who already lived in the manor with Scrooge even if they kept their distance, displaced the triplets as Scrooge's natural heirs. The uncle relationships in this show being parental/grandparental was already good. Not all families look the same, some people parent their siblings' kids for one reason or another. Scrooge's presumed "heirs' ' was his sister's descendants, not his, but he loved them like his own. That's good. So to not only break the "not blood related at all" to "actually daughter", kind of ALSO meant a "my niblings are my legacy" got overtaken with "my daughter is my legacy".

And maybe I'd feel less sour about it if we had more time after the show. But on a fundamental level it didn't just alter Webby's place in the family, but her grandmother's, and the Duck Twins and Triplets. Again, especially with the triplets. I wanted the four of them to become functional equals. The 4th triplet. But for her to have a secret Scrooge connection that overtakes the one she was jealous of the triplets of having doesn't sit right to say the least.

I feel I could get over this one, especially maybe if they gave us more time. But it just didn't make it worth it to me.

5. (Bonus Bonus): Now I don't use the term Mary Sue lightly. But what I do think of canon Mary Sueism is a tendency to make female characters on predominately male casts "special" in some way to justify their presence. They have to be the level headed smart ones and the ones with . They have to be likable so they're robbed of character. I wouldn't say Webby is a particularly bad example of this, and it's not like Ducktales lacks other flawed female characters (Della my beloved).

But the way Webby is treated reminds me of April from TMNT 2012, and Allura from Voltron Legendary Defender (and kinda Larmina from Voltron Force). All are 80s characters in shows that had a predominately male cast of characters, and who were both an outsider, and defined by being a girl. And then the reboot both doubled down on making them special, integrating them into the group more, but also making them generally tougher the boys in some way, and also sometimes more in the know about things. Webby is aged up to match the boys age rather than aged down to match the boys age like April but the effect is still the same.

The girl is now a peer to the boys, 4th triplet, rather than a little sister. Webby is more capable and well-read than any of the boys. And at the start of the series she's socially awkward enough it feels like it will work. And I'm not saying Webby isn't flawed, she is. But when it comes to the things the family finds important: adventuring, she doesn't have any obvious shortcomings. Louie quits easily and isn't as coordinated, Dewey is reckless and generally uneducated, and Huey isn't flexible. And Webby... used to be socially awkward???

It’s kinda trading 1 sexist trope for another. And yeah, all shows do have OTHER female characters who kind of avert this. But it doesn’t change the fact the leading lady is more “special” than the boys. Like being a girl has to be special.

In short, at the end of the day Webby being Scrooge's daughter doesn't help her character, her grandmothers, or the rest of the family. It kinda helps Scrooge’s character, but while I haven’t seen the episode myself, I’m not sure there would be enough time for it to be meaningful. And again, I think a lot of the characterization and worldbuilding of other characters were already sacrificed for Scrooge’s sake in the show already.

Oh and the Donald/Daisy thing.

The reason Daisy/Donald's trip doesn't sit right with me is we barely got any Donald and Della having to coparent. Get used to each other again. We barely got any of them and we're heading back into separation. It doesn’t feel cathartic when we still have unanswered questions from this stage in their life. And even if the trip is well, a trip. It feels weird.

It feels kind of unexpectedly "conventional family", even if it's still really unconventional. Donald is going to go be happy with his love interest, away from the boys he raised who aren't actually his sons (and yes, I know he takes May and June with him but still, knowing that May and June are by default Daisy's nieces kind of has "new kids with new wife" implications to me but that's neither here nor there). Adding this to "Webby being Scrooge's daughter is a good plot point for him" and it's just really weird, and kind of feels like the final nail in the nontraditional family dynamics coffin. If feel only way they could have buried it more is if Beakley died or something.

I was already kinda uncomfortable with the “Daisy being the only one to understand him” thing because like. That’s sweet. His soulmate is the only one who really hears him. But also that’s a fucking speech impediment Donald has. Are you telling me that no one in his family cared enough to effectively communicate with him despite his disability? Like if it is REALLY that much a problem he should have an effective communication method. Sign-language for example?

The triplets he raised don’t always understand him. His twin sister doesn’t always understand him? But this random woman does? I am all for Daisy and Donald being basically soulmates. But uh? This feels both ableist and allonormative in a show that really wasn’t those things before. (well okay it was kinda ableist about Donald but it felt less weird to me when there wasn’t one person who could magically understand Donald). And Daisy understanding him still could be a big thing? The first person who understood him without getting to know him first/wasn’t literally raising him/raised with/raised by him?

I want to like Daisy so much, but she just feels a bit like Webby does: a legacy female character they are trying to make too cool, who gets some of their coolness incidentally defined by a male character, rather than a full-fledged character on their own. (For instance if we saw Daisy with anyone other than Donald, her overbearing boss and… whatever Storkules is). 

I feel some of these may have been resolved with more time. But some of these problems had their seeds planted as early as S1. That said I think if the quality of S1 was maintained they would have been fine. Overall, I think Ducktales is a good reboot, and a good show, but it really could have been better. Was so close to being better.

#ducktales 2017 #it's been years and I'm still thinking about this #for my part #I disregard the finale #Webby has dead parents that she knows about hence never needing to learn more #I disregard the family not understanding Donald #because Daisy being the first STRANGER who understands him right away is just as sweet #idk what I’m doing about Boyd or April May June yet though #I can do what I want its not like Ducktales was wholly original or anything #probably still better than vld's finale #but I started to have critiques in s3 #and all of s8 was a dumpster fire so I was emotionally checked out by the time it actually came to that point #again I haven't seen it so maybe I'd like it more if I did see it #but the fact that knowing this has put me so intensely off watching it really isn't a good thing either #and I have never had this issue with a show before even if it's bad #to be clear though I do overall like 2017 Webby and Daisy I just wish they were allowed to be a little MORE #to fuck up a little more #I really do want to finish my abandoned ducktales fics but also staring at the finale and trying to figure out what I should do with this #ah #ducktales

[dokidokiliteraturegirls]

Hey everyone! Feel Less will be going on a short hiatus... but we're not going anywhere!

Allow me to explain~

So, I gave a similar explanation last time, but because I'll be introducing some new characters, I need some time to finish all the art. I thought I could do it last week, but the extra week I took only allowed me enough time to finish Anna's sprites and cutscene graphics from the latest update, which I hope you enjoyed~ but I have to be honest with myself, and admit that in order to finish everything I want I need to take way longer than just 1 extra week.

You see, things in Feel Less are about to get fuuuuuuuuuucked up real interesting! [REDACTED] isn't the only character that's getting introduced you know~ The Some Things Are Better Left Unknown story route includes at least 3 other characters that could potentially join the party! And they're not gonna draw themselves lmao. Besides the new characters, there's also some very important story beats that are coming, which will also require original art. I could of course do everything with the sprites and backgrounds, but that'd be sacrificing some of the quality of the comic, and I don't want the story to suffer just to get it out on a self-imposed deadline, you know? This is not to mention the backgrounds needed for the new locations so... yikes! This is definitely gonna take longer than a week! Especially because I have a job besides posting comics online (sadly, I wish I could just do this full time aslkdmakldmml 😭)

Another important thing to note is that we'll be disabling player interaction for a bit, at least until all the important story points have been covered, which I think should be the next 3 updates.

Now, what do I mean by "we're not going anywhere"? Well, because this blog won't be going radio silent until everything's done, like I used to do in the past! I'll be streaming most of my art process on my twitch channel! I usually play games on there, but I'm going on an Art Stream Marathon until all the art for Feel Less has been completed! (I really, really want to prioritize this. Neon White can wait.) For those of you who don't know, I stream every Thursday and Saturday from 2:30 pm EST, to around 5:30pm. I'll be posting links to the streams on this blog every day I do them, so come say hi! 💖 There will be slight spoilers for character designs, but not plot points, so dw~

I want to close by saying that, to be completely honest, I never enjoy putting my works on hiatus. Keeping momentum going on a webcomic is difficult, but I have to make sure Feel Less is 100% something I can be proud of and not a rushed product. There's some cool stuff coming, and I want it to have the impact it deserves.

As always, thank you all so much for your support! The fact that you guys take the time to read my webcomic makes me so happy~~ 🥰 Also, important to mention that while the story's on hiatus the inbox will be wide open! So feel free to send questions and stuff, I'll still be here~ See you all soon!!!

-Yui Wrong 💖

#announcement

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

So many things have been written already, but since I can't stop thinking about it, I need to write some stuff down. Or as @twig-tea would say #typed so that I can stop thinking it.

We could talk all day long about what the show intended to say or not, what the show intended to portray and what message was actually all of it about.

But, as with most things, we will never know for sure. And you know what? It doesn't matter.

Because when you make anything for others to watch, as soon as the product leaves your hands, you give up any control you have over how it is perceived. That's, more often than not, the hardest part in creating anything. You lose all control over the thing, and all you can do is hope that what you wanted to do, was what people wanted to see, and what you wanted to say, was what people heard.

Sometimes these two things don't match up.

So, I won't speculate any more about what Jojo and co. wanted to say with this, or what they wanted the take away to be.

I'm fan of Jojo. Not in the way of, everything he's done was perfect, but I adore Gay Ok, I completely enjoyed 3wbf and warp effect surprised me weekly in a good way. I was happy. I was content. And maybe that set my expectations too high, because my biggest feeling about ofts finale is disappointment.

Before anything else, I fully admit by biases influenced my viewing of some things, but that is unavoidable.

I started this show relating a bit too much to some of the characters and that made it hard for me in the beginning. Specially when you have people talk about this characters in such a way that, at times, legitimately made me feel bad about myself. So basically I had to create a barrier. And look at this show in a more critical way. I still felt emotionally connected to the chars, but in a different way. And with that critical view came a whole set of new problems.

Whatever the direction the show was heading in the beginning, got completely lost somewhere in the middle. And I'm strictly talking about the writing now. The show lost all coherence in character development and any type of episodic theme went out the window.

I’ll start just referencing the frame works. (very well documented by @slayerkitty) They started as some sort of commentary that we could point to and say, that’s what they’re trying to say about this, that's the lesson this week. That got abandoned.

As I’ve written before, when the show started and we were introduced to the characters, we were led to believe that Boston, Ray, Mew and Cheum were the mains and where going to have equal weight throughout the show. That disappeared when Cheum did. It turns out it wasn’t that way after all. And as we started to see couples forming, or at least coupling happening, we knew who the mains were again. Because we got some (Top not included) of their backstories and povs.

The fear crept in here, that, because it’s gmmtv, we were heading to shipper land and all was but an illusion. But still the in p’jojo we trust was strong so we collectively, said to ourselves – It can’t be that. This is the messy show, with the messy gays, this is Jojo! And at least for me, that’s where it all began to fall apart. Genuine character growth got substituted for easy conflict, depth of character got substituted by fluffy couple moments that seemed out of place. [That is also why the beginning of Top/Mew was so divisive for so many people. Because, it could be cute in any other show, but it couldn’t be here. Because once again - This is the messy show, with the messy gays, this is Jojo! ] We got no accountability for most actions, no genuine character growth for most characters and in the end, nothing feels earned. And personally, it pisses me of when chars don’t get what they deserve, and worst, somehow end up on top, or thinking they are on top, or are morally superior.

But, even if that didn’t make me angry, it’s lazy writing. It’s conflict for conflict sake, it’s new storylines/characters that bring excitement but no follow through. it’s trauma as the easiest way to give a character depth (which I hate with a passion), it’s moral lessons that have absolutely no place here (This is the messy show, with the messy gays, this is Jojo! ) and worst of all it’s wasted potential. I might write more about this later, or on rewatch, but for today this is what I needed to type.

#still angry but less #maybe... #only friends the series #rose rambles #ofts

[hiighonmarss]

Another Punkflower Fic

idk what to call it, just fluff ig :)

no warnings

you’re now tuning into a hiighonmarss production.

word count: 1462

In a quaint coffee shop on the corner of 5th and Main, a barista named Miles found themselves in a rather peculiar situation with a regular customer, Hobie. Every morning, like clockwork, Hobie would stroll in with a mischievous glint in his eye, flashing a charming smile that never failed to make Miles’ heart skip a beat.

As Hobie approached the counter, their usual banter ensued.

"Alright, love, how about a little discount on my coffee today? A kiss from you would sweeten the deal, don't you think?"

"Nice try, but how many times do I have to tell you, I'm not giving you a discount on your coffee if you kiss me?" Miles would playfully chide, trying to keep things lighthearted despite the underlying tension.

Undeterred, Hobie continues his playful banter. "Come on now, doll. A handsome guy like myself deserves a little special treatment, don't you think? Plus, a kiss from you would be worth every penny of that discount."

Miles chuckles, shaking his head at Hobie’s persistence. "I'll give you points for effort, but rules are rules. No amount of charm is going to change that love."

Miles would lean in with a teasing grin, whispering, "But the kiss wouldn't be bad; I’m just not trying to get fired for giving you 20% off a fucking mocha latte."

Hobie finally relents and pays full price for his coffee, and he can't help but smile at the banter that has become a regular part of their interactions. He’ll win him over sooner or later.

As Miles hands him his coffee, Hobie flashes a mischievous grin and says, "You know you love me, Miles. I'll wear you down eventually." Miles rolls his eyes playfully and replies, "Keep dreaming, Hobie." But deep down, he knows that Hobie's persistence will eventually pay off, and he can't help but smile at the thought.

i’m sorry for not using british slang n stuff for Hobie, IM NOT GOOD AT THAT so just imagine his voice in ya head. HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED!

#across the spiderverse #hobie brown #miles morales #punkflower #flowerpunk

[kelseytheballerina]

Based on your blog I'm sure you've been asked this a million times, but do you have any practical advice for bettering yourself when you're starting at a really low point?

I've always WANTED to be better but I never follow through. I don't do anything impressive (I get up, go to work for 8 hours, come home, rest and try to recover from the day, sleep, repeat) but I'm so exhausted all the time anyway that adding extra effort to my routine feels impossible. In my free time I do basically nothing, I don't really enjoy anything except sleeping and I usually feel brain-dead tbh. I hate myself but even when I try to use that as motivation I flop every time.

I see all these people who do so much all the time and I want to be like you, but I can't imagine being able to do it. Where does your discipline come from and how do you maintain it when it's so difficult?

Keep in mind that the more you do, the more time it requires of you. Definitely don’t compare yourself to unemployed people like me or those who make a living being productive for social media. You work 8 hours, not to mention the commute, not to mention getting dressed and undressed, not to mention feeding yourself and taking care of all the things required to keep the house running and lights on. Add in dating, family, friends, grief, hard times, yeah it’s understandable why you are exhausted. You may see others in the same boat as you who also manage to muster up the energy to work on a degree and take care of their kids but not everyone can do the same things. We all have our limits. Our limits may change over time, but as of now your limit isn’t theirs and that’s okay.

What I think would be best is to not attempt to overload yourself if you don’t have to. Pick literally just one thing to put your remaining energy into for the time being. Let’s say that’s hitting the gym. Make that your thing for a while and ignore other stuff. Who knows, 6 months from now you may find that you can also squeeze in a cooking class once a week.

Obviously I’m someone who loves productivity and trying to maximize the days with all things learning and skill building. But I don’t think that everyone needs to live like that. Take care of your responsibilities first and have even just one thing on the side. You’ll feel better about yourself and you won’t be forcing yourself to be the biggest productivity slave. Bc if you aren’t even enjoying it, then what’s the point?

As for where my discipline comes from, I’d say that my mom instilled good habits in me when I was young (no tv until xyz is done, if you do it wrong I’ll wake you up and make you redo it so you might as well do it properly the first time, do these things bc you deserve to look good/live in a nice environment/reach your potential instead of just bc you “have to”) but also bc I went though a phase of uncertainty and unstructured living that made my life very difficult and I felt no pride in the way I was conducting myself, so I made changes to never feel that way again. I’ve seen what life is like when I don’t ‘parent’ myself and instead just run amuck and it’s not fulfilling, it’s not high quality, it’s not a life I am in love with. So in order to avoid that, I do the work and I absolutely positively love the results. That’s a priceless feeling.

#ask

[slamminslamminmcgill]

Box Cutter - Gus Fring/FTM Reader (NSFW!)

DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT

s4e1 rewrite. reader takes the place of victor, trying to complete a cook on their own. gus arrives at the lab and uses the titular weapon for a different method of intimidation.

tags/warnings: cnc/noncon/dubcon, knifeplay, humiliation/degradation, exhibitionism/voyeurism, outing, face slapping, object penetration, canon rewrite

anatomical terms: cunt/pussy/hole

words: 3,691

ao3 link

author's notes: ordering the gus cock meal at los pornos hermanos ♥ dead dove: do not eat

“Oh, you don't know what the hell you're doing, do you? You forgot the aluminum.”

What? Aluminum? Where was that supposed to go? You tried to remember the steps in your head, rewinding your memories of Walt and Jesse going through the process. Cooking meth was a lot harder than you thought, even without Baldy McLungCancer’s incessant heckling. You looked over at a big bucket on the side table. Was this it? I know they do something with this.

Walter was enjoying watching you flounder. He couldn’t keep his pride to himself. “One of the first steps in the…”

You weren’t listening. You tuned him out and grabbed the bucket of aluminum, dumping some into one of the tanks. Hopefully, this would make up for what you forgot earlier.

Walt looked at you in disgust. “Son of a bitch.” He muttered. Alright, so that wasn’t what you were supposed to do. Whatever. Cross that bridge when you get to it. 

Speaking of bridges, you heard a door click, followed by footsteps on the bridge above the lab. You looked up to see your boss, Gustavo Fring, had entered the premises. You knew he’d be upset given the circumstances, but hopefully, his ire wouldn’t be directed at you. His facial expression and thoughts were unreadable as always, but you’d gotten to know him pretty well by now. You pulled your mask up and waved at him, eager to prove your worth in his organization. He descended the stairs and strode past you to face Walt and Jesse. Okay, good. You weren’t the problem. You could try to finish the cook. Then, he surprised you, he walked past the two of them and over to the hazmat suits on the other side of the lab. Realization struck you: you forgot to put one on before you started cooking.

You tried to implement damage control and make your way over to the rack of protective gear. ”Oh, shit. Sorry, sir. Lemme-” Gus raised his palm out to stop you, a wordless signal. Stay right there. You obliged. You were not going to give him any reason to be upset with you. 

For all his intellect, Walter White did not think the same way. He wanted to poke the hornet’s nest. “All right, let's talk about Gale Boetticher. He was a good man and a good chemist, and I cared about him. He didn't deserve what happened to him. He didn't deserve it at all.” He turned around in his chair to face Gus and continue his tantrum, who was unbothered. He continued to disrobe and cloak himself in meth lab regalia.

As Walt bitched and moaned, you couldn’t help but notice the juxtaposition between him and his partner. Jesse’s face was harrowing. His eyes were red, glazed over, and staring off into the distance. His mouth was agape. He hadn’t moved since he got here. At first, you were annoyed that he had gotten you all into this situation, but after getting a better look at their dynamic, you didn’t blame him. In terms of Gale’s death, he bore as much guilt as the gun. He was a tool for someone else to do what they wanted. Walt pulled the trigger, and Jesse fired the shot. Maybe in another time, in a better life, under different circumstances, you two could’ve been friends.

In contrast, you could not foresee a timeline in which Walter White wasn’t an insufferable, egotistical prick. To him, a conversation where he didn’t have the last word was worse than an innocent man bleeding out on his carpet. He kept running his mouth. “Let me suggest that you keep one thing in mind. Without us, without Jesse and myself, you have no one to make your product.” He sat forward in his chair and pointed at you. “Certainly not him. This... This person doesn't know what the hell he's doing!”

Fuck him for putting you on the spot like that. Now you had to try to save face again. You figured taking accountability would get you back in Gus’s good graces. “Okay, yeah, I fucked up. I forgot the suit, and I forgot the aluminum, but is it really going to make that much of a difference? I mean, it’s meth. Do you think people will notice a mistake like that when they smoke it?”

Walt was personally offended by your statement. “Oh, oh, so god forbid we have standards, you know! Our clients are worthless junkies, we can serve them garbage as long as it gets them high!” He leaned over to nudge his partner in the shoulder, “Jesse, you’re an idiot who smokes meth, do you care about what goes into your body?”

You had never been more angry in your entire life. He had the audacity to make his partner do his dirty work, and then he calls him an idiot the first chance he gets? You stomped towards Walter, unwavering in your sheer hatred of him. “You soulless fucking pig. Leave him out of this. You’ve done enough to him. That’s not what I mean and you know it.” 

“So what do you mean then? What is it that you’re trying to say? Because to me it sounds like you don’t care about the integrity of what we’re doing h-”

The sound of a drawer opening caught your attention. Your eyes followed your ears, and what you saw was Gus rifling through a drawer. He pulled something out that you hadn’t seen in the lab before. A small thin object made of bright green plastic. From where you were standing, you couldn’t tell what it was.

At least, you couldn’t tell until he flicked a switch on the side. A tiny triangular blade popped out. It was a box cutter.

As much as you’d like to snatch it from his hand and drive it into Walter White’s jugular, the thought of him actually doing something with it tied your stomach in knots. You tried to reason with your boss. He was a man of reason after all. “H-Hey, no. Sir, there's no need for that. I… We can just delay the shipment due to the… the murder. The distributors will be understanding, right? Cause, like… like this is an extenuating circumstance, y’know? I mean, we just lost 50% of the cooking team. A few hours delay isn’t gonna kill us.”

Walt scoffed, practically begging Gus to stick the blade in his neck and shut him up forever. “A few hours? Do you know how much you’ve thrown off our schedule? Not only do we have to stop mid-cook and start from scratch, but we have to clean up the catastrophe that you left behind. We have to sanitize every surface, every tank, and that’s not even considering the amount of materials you just wasted.”

Gus Fring wasn’t listening to either of you. As far as he was concerned, this was an essential step he had to take. His circumstances had changed, and so his plans had to change in tandem. He approached Walt and Jesse, deadly weapon in hand. No one in the room dared say a word.

No one except for Walter Fucking White. Because saving his pride was more important than saving his life. “Gus. You do this all you'll have left is an $8 million hole in the ground…” 

Gus circled the chairs where Walt and Jesse sat, swirling around them, commanding their full attention with his every movement. A shark in the water ready to strike.

“This lab…This equipment is useless without us. Without… Without Jesse and myself you have no new product. You have no income. Your people out there will not be paid. Your distribution chain collapses.”

Gus slid in between the two chairs, his back to Jesse. He stared down at Walt, box cutter in hand. The executioner standing off to the side, waiting for the cue to flip the switch.

“Without us you have nothing. You kill me, you have nothing. You kill Jesse, you don't have me.”  

Gus completed his orbit, landing back by your side once more. You held your breath. You were stiff as a board. You were not about to question him. Whatever happened to Walt and Jesse was out of your hands. Everyone in the room was subject to his whims. A true God among men. 

“You won't do this. You're too smart. You can't afford to do this. Please. Let us just go back to work. We're here. Let us work. We're ready to go to work. We'll just pick up right where we left off.”

Gus whipped around and dragged the box cutter down the front of your shirt, slicing it in half. You gasped, breath ragged and hollow. You expected the worst pain you had ever felt in your now rapidly-ending life, but you felt nothing. You felt nothing but confusion and shock until you were shoved to the ground, your head pointed towards the witnesses, with Gus facing them head on. At that moment, you realized that this was in fact going to be the worst pain you’d ever felt, but there wouldn’t necessarily be the mercy of death waiting for you at the end.

You screamed and tried to crawl out from under him. “No! No! Mr. Fring, please! Please, sir, no! Please! What did I do?! What did I do wrong?!”

A rubber boot stomped onto your chest and pinned you to the cold tile floor. Gus knelt down to cut your pants off next. You tried to squirm away, but your flailing stopped once you heard the sound of ripping fabric. Your body calcified below your neck, fearing that any movement you made would get you stabbed. Having your clothes cut and peeled off your body versus having your skin removed the same way, the choice was easy. The choice was easy, but that was the only easy part of this.

Your head shook violently as you pleaded for dignity “No! No! Please, sir, no! Please don’t do this!”

Having reduced your pants to scraps. Your underwear was next, the last bastion between you and complete exposure. Like an artist’s brush about to touch the canvas, a writer’s pen about to touch the paper, he brought the box cutter down to your crotch with a steady hand, about to break your will.

You jerked your head up to the three men facing you, gawking at you upside down, and called upon them for aid. “Help! Help me! Somebody do something! Please!”

Walt didn’t move. Jesse didn’t move. They weren’t about to sign their death certificate. Mike had the thought to intervene. He pulled his gun out of his holster and pointed it at Gus, but not for long. All it took was a single glare. A momentary flick of the eyes in his direction. A look that managed to say “Do it. I fucking dare you.” without making a single sound.

Mike’s hand shook as he put his gun away. There was nothing he could do. For the first time in a long time, he felt weak. He muttered under his breath. “Sorry, kid…”

Gus took Mike’s subordination as a call to action. In one quick motion, in one flick of the wrist, Your underwear was cut, and the garment fell to the floor. You started to cry, messily and relentlessly. Before long, the tears blurred your vision to the point that Gus looked like a big pink blob. You heard a strained voice cut through the chaos.

“Oh… You’re…” 

That was all it said before it fell silent. You looked up at the audience, shook the tears away, and tried to match the face to the words, and the words to their meaning. It didn’t take you long to figure out who they belonged to: Walt. He was staring directly at your pussy, not even bothering with subtlety, not that he had to. The truth was right in front of his face. It dawned on you that you hadn’t told him or Jesse yet. You were waiting for the right time. You had wanted to come out on your own terms, when you were ready. That was just another piece of agency being stripped from you.  

Gus took his boot off your chest and grabbed the remains of your jeans. He used them to tie your wrists together, ensuring that he had full control over you. You would not try to run; you would not push him off; and you would not fight back. You would sit there and take whatever you were given.

What you were not given, however, was an explanation. An explanation wouldn’t have made this bearable, but it would have at least given you insight into what you did to warrant this reaction. That way, it wouldn’t happen again, but maybe, maybe that was the point. Maybe no matter what you did or didn’t do, maybe it would happen again.

You didn’t want to think about that. He grabbed one of your legs and pulled it away from the other, kneeling down between them. You shrieked over and over again, desperate for clarity. “Why?! Why?! What did I do?! What did I-Ah! No! No!” 

Hard plastic scraped your dry insides. It took a moment to process what was happening. Gus had retracted the blade, and he was fucking you with the handle. He was forcing you open, preparing you, stretching you out to make this experience more comfortable. For him, of course. Your comfort was irrelevant. Your dignity was irrelevant. You were irrelevant, and he treated you as such. He was looking at Walter, piercing him with his eyes and your hole with a hand tool. You were nothing more than an example, a warning, a show of power, a flex of muscle.

You felt yourself walk the tightrope between stages of grief. Denial, refusing to accept what was happening to you. You had skipped Anger, or maybe Agony took its place. Next, Bargaining. “Take it out! Take it out, please! Please, sir, I’ll do anything you want! Please! Stop it! Stop!”

Your offer was meaningless to Gus. If you were truly going to do anything he wanted, then you would let him do this without any verbal or physical resistance. This was what he wanted. As he raped you with the box cutter, you felt the next stages of grief approaching, holding hands as they commanded your psyche: Depression and Acceptance. They worked in tandem, talking you through the torture. Stop fighting. You’re only going to make it worse. Let it happen. Let him do what he wants. It’ll be over soon. You acquiesced, and let the torrent of terror-filled tears tumble down your cheeks, your cunt clenching the weapon with every single sob.

Gus noticed how you gripped it, how he had to pull out a little harder each time. He could feel his cock engorging at the thought, though he didn’t let it distract him. Business before pleasure. This was business, plain and simple, but that didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy his work. As you cried and cried, your eyes growing wetter and wetter, your cunt did the same, leaking shame against the plastic. That was what he wanted to see. Once you spilled, even just a tiny bit, he withdrew the box cutter and wiped your fluids off it using his hazmat suit. Then, he cut a hole in his protective gear, right by his crotch. You knew what was coming next.

Or so you thought.

He grabbed your ruined underwear and balled it in his fist before stuffing it into your mouth, a muzzle made of malevolence and humiliation. You closed your eyes and choked on your own despair. The last thing you saw was Walter White, grimacing in an amalgam of fear, pity, and disgust; Jesse Pinkman, mouth hanging open, focusing on nothing in particular; and Mike Ehrmantraut, gritting his teeth and hanging his head. You didn’t know how you’d be able to look at them after this.

Gus retracted his arms into the sleeves of his jumpsuit. You heard the rustling of polyester, the clinking of a belt buckle, the pull of a zipper, and more rustling fabric. He pushed his arms through the sleeve of the jumpsuit once more, and pulled his cock through the slit he had cut. Once he was in position, he positioned you, grabbing your legs and hooking them around his hips. He lined himself up with your desecrated opening, but rather than press forward, he reached over to slap you across the face. You yelped and your eyes snapped open, and you awoke in your nightmarish reality, face to face with sharp steel. Gus had slid the point back out and was holding it in your face. You looked past the blade and at him. He bore an expression of pure indifference. Lips straight across, brow slightly furrowed, pupils ever-so-slightly dilated. You had never seen such chilling rage, such calm violence. This was the face of a man who would slice your neck and step over your blood-drained corpse with the same indifference as a banana peel on the sidewalk. It was horrifying. Your eyes locked with each other, and soon, your bodies did too. 

Gus pushed inside of you, invading your hole for the moment, and surely your memories for the rest of your life. It was a painful sting, an intrusive presence, but at least it wasn’t as bad as before. For one thing, even though it was larger, his cock was softer than plastic, and having been torn open by the box cutter, in a most unconventional manner, mind you, you were at least somewhat lubricated. You couldn’t believe you were trying to think of the positives here, but a single candle is still a light in all-encompassing darkness. 

He slid out slowly, carefully, delicately, and then slammed his hips into you with all the force he could bring, hitting your cervix like a battering ram. Your body convulsed and you let out a pained sob, a sob that was absorbed by your own underwear. He did it again. And again. He wanted you to feel each and every millimeter of him. He wanted you to face the full extent of his fury. Soon, he felt like he had gotten his point across, and he set a vicious pace. 

One hand gripped your hips, nails cutting into you. The other held a box cutter to your throat, threatening to do the same. His cock bore into you over and over. You were blubbering, screaming into the cotton ball-gag. It muffled you a little bit, but you were still the loudest thing in the lab. Alongside your stifled cries were the sounds of skin slapping, fabric jostling, and your cunt weeping. Part of you was grateful that you’d gotten wet, so it didn’t hurt as much as it could have. The other part of you was mortified, feeling like your body was coaxing him further.

Another instrument joined your symphony of suffering and made its presence known. Gus’s breath sped up, huffing through his nose as he approached the end. He pressed the metal into your skin, not enough to break it, but enough to remind you that your life and body were disposable. You were inconsequential in his operation. At this point, you were there for his amusement, and nothing else. He sealed your fate by giving a few more firm thrusts and grunting as he emptied himself in you, staining you from the inside out. His eyelids dropped and he sighed, basking in the afterglow of his pleasure and your debasement. It was over. You’d say “Thank God”, but that meant there was a God watching this, which you hoped to God there wasn’t.

Gus pulled out his softening cock, his seed seeping out of you. With how much it burned, it may as well have been lava or acid. He stood up, tucked himself back in his pants, sheathed the blade, and dropped the boxcutter on your chest. He had one word for you, the only thing he had said since he had set foot in the lab…

“Slut.”

You broke right then, howling in pure misery. You rolled onto your side and pulled your limbs into the fetal position, feeling nothing but helplessness and hopelessness. Gus ignored you, walking past you and back over to the rack of hazmat suits. He discarded the ruined jumpsuit in the trash and redressed himself in his proper attire. 

Noticing that Fring’s attention was off you, Mike stepped in. He pushed through Walt and Jesse’s chairs and crouched down beside you. He untied the knot around your wrists, took your underwear out of your mouth, and propped you onto your knees. Then, he took off his jacket and wrapped it around your shoulders.

“Keep it for now. I’ll get you some pants before we leave.” He said as he zipped it up. 

You grabbed onto him and cried into his shoulder, full force and full volume without the gag to silence you. Mike rubbed your back and let you cry. He knew that’s all he could do. On the contrary, Jesse and Walt had no idea what to do. The both of them sat in their seats motionless, terrified at what Gus was capable of. They didn’t dare cross him now. They wouldn’t be next. Walt’s mind was concocting a plan, ever the strategist, wondering how he could end Fring’s reign of terror. Jesse’s mind was blank. In the span of one night, he had killed an innocent man, and watched another innocent man, a man with a body like his, be completely and utterly destroyed before his very eyes. He didn’t want to think about how it could have easily been him. The four of you stayed like that for a while, silent except for your sorrow. 

A firm voice caught your attention, calling down from the heavens. “Well?”

You all looked up to its source. Gustavo Fring, a god among men, stood above his subjects, and delivered his commandment.

“Get back to work.”

#brba #breaking bad #breaking bad x reader #brba x reader #cnc tw #knifeplay #gustavo fring #gustavo fring smut #gustavo fring x reader #gustavo fring imagine #gus fring #gus fring smut #gus fring imagine #gus fring x reader #better call saul #bcs #better call saul x reader #better call saul smut #better call saul imagine #bcs x reader #cnc ftm #ftm cnc #ftm reader #box cutter #canon rewrite

[the---hermit]

Protohistiry notes and the gifts I got for my mum (I will borrow the tote bag for sure).

21|02|2023

Today I have been on an emotional rollacoaster, again. I have said it before and I will say it again I don't like how emotionally vulnerable I have been feeling lately, and how much my emotions change through the day, it's really distressing and tiring. My social anxiety peaked especially today when I was in class, and when I got home I was to tired I couldn't bring myself to work it out in my journal. I don't know if I'll try that tomorrow, but after studying for a while (and actually accomplishing way more than I had planned/expected) I took the rest of the afternoon off to just read and enjoy myself with calm and all. The bit of joy I got today was also getting a small unexpected gift for my mom, because the past few months have been really tough and she deserves a little treat, she was really happy with what I got her and to be honest that made my whole day.

Productivity:

posted this book review

went to protohistory class

highlighted today's notes

read the first set of notes provided by the professor and added the missing information in my notes

finished the graphic novel I was reading

wrote for the creative project I am working on with my friend

practiced Irish on duolingo

Self care:

journaled a bit even though I really didn't want to

40 minute walk

did procrastinate washing my hair

took some time to relax and read in the afternoon and that helped a lot

📖: La Scuola Di Pizze In Faccia Del Professor Calcare by Zerocalcare

#studyblr #studyinspo #uniblr #university #historyblr #currently reading #notes #book #bookblr #journal #studying #notebook #knife gang #productivity #productive day #student life #self care #journaling #mine #the---hermit