#i keep feeling like i'm not going to have enough time with her and i dont know how to deal with it

[woso-dreamzzz]

Play, Sleep, Repeat

Arsenal Women x Teen!Reader

Summary: You're Katie's cousin

Katie has never quite understood you.

You'd always been on the fringes of her awareness.

She has all her siblings. Her close family is big. Her extended family is even bigger.

You're her cousin, on her mother's side.

She'd never really kept up with your life. She'd see you at family reunions maybe once, twice a year and it would all be a quick conversation before she moved on.

She'd never been close enough to her uncle, your dad, to really know what was going on the two of your lives. All she really remembers was that his wife (your mother) had left him and he was a single dad.

It was surprising to see the Arsenal announcement photo with you smiling at the camera, a big Ireland flag draped over your shoulders.

It should have made her feel bad that you didn't drop a text to say you were signing but Katie didn't even know you played football until the announcement so she decided that she didn't really have room to have her feelings hurt over it.

She had hoped this would be the opportunity for you both to grow closer but, as she looks at you now, horsing down your lunch, she kind of thought that was a pipe dream.

You get up immediately after finishing, avoiding the table with the other younger players and heading back out onto the pitch.

It was like clockwork with you. You were either crashed out asleep in the break room, eating like you'd been starved or practicing for hours before or after training.

"What's up with your cousin, McCabe?" Leah asks, watching you leave as well," She never hangs around."

Katie shrugs. "I dunno. She's always been like that, I think."

"You think?"

"She's being raised by her Da. I guess she's never been around this many girls in her life."

"Surely she played on a girl's team before coming here."

Katie shrugs again.

"You don't know?"

"I've got a big family, Williamson. I hardly see her back home. Sue me for not stalking her every move."

Kim slides into the seat next to her. "I'm worried about her," She says," She's always here early and she stays late too. I've never seen her Dad pick her up."

"So what? She's a big girl."

Kim raises a brow. "I wasn't worried because she promised me that you've been dropping her off."

"What? She told me Kyra was doing that."

Kim sighs. "I got her address off Jonas. Do you and Caitlin mind popping by tonight? I'd do it myself but she might respond better to you."

Katie stands at your door a few hours after training has finished. She'd been waiting in her car for a while now, unable to believe her eyes when you'd stepped off the bus barely ten minutes ago still in your training kit.

Her hand hovers over the door, unmoving.

Caitlin nudges her to the side, pressing the doorbell.

"Hey," She says when you open it," Can we come in?"

Your eyes dart to the side. "Er..."

"Is your Da in? I need to talk to him."

"Da's busy," You say.

"That's okay. We can wait." Katie barges in and Caitlin follows her before you can stop them.

"How long will he be?" Caitlin asks and your eyes dart to the door.

"Well..."

"Have you had dinner yet?" Katie asks," 'Cause your fridge is bare."

"Stop it!" You say, pushing her out of your kitchen," Stop snooping!"

"Are these takeout boxes?"

"Katie, I mean it! Out!"

"Nah, where's your Da? Surely, he can't be letting you eat all this crap."

You mumble a response that Katie forces you to repeat. A response that gets regurgitated to every responsible adult on the team.

Your Da didn't come with you to England. In fact, your Da hadn't even be to one of your Arsenal matches.

"He'll come when I make it into the Ireland squad," You'd told Katie and Caitlin," He promised."

The team keeps a close eye on you. Your back prickles with awareness and every time you look behind you, someone is watching.

Things change as well, slowly but surely. It's enough to put you on edge.

It starts with Caitlin and Katie driving you to practice. You usually leave hours ahead of when training starts so you can get the bus and still have time to practice before it begins.

(Maybe if you have a bit extra training then Gleeson will have no choice but to call you up for the next international break).

You have no idea how long they've been camping in their car because you get up stupidly early.

They bundle you in with them. They grab breakfast at a quaint place in town before getting you to training on time.

Next comes Kim. She sits with you at lunch and talks to you enough that you finish the same time as everyone else.

Leah helps you with your kit.

Lia sits with you on the bus.

Lessi, Vic and Kyra splash you with water during the changeover at training.

Beth lets you nap against her and Viv makes sure you have a protein shake ready for you when you wake up.

Slowly but surely, you're folded into the team that is Arsenal. You existed on the fringes of life in London, focused on nothing but finally having your father support you in football.

Now though, you have the team to celebrate your goals with. You have Katie shaking you with joy when you score the last minute winner against Everton.

You also have the text from your Da nitpicking your every move in the match.

You feel lucky that he even kept the match on with how shit you were apparently making. A few months ago, you would have gone back to your own habits. A few months ago, you would have ran until your legs gave out.

But it's no longer a few months ago.

So, you just put your phone away and let Steph ruffle your hair on the way back to her seat.

You're actually part of the team now. A key part of the team if you go off how many times you've started a match.

A key part of the time if you go by how you seamlessly tackle Cuthbert and send the ball rolling straight to Caitlin to collect. You're about to stand up but Cuthbert can't stay on her feet and she stumbles, falling with a sickening crunch onto your ankle.

The scream you let out is guttural and you push her off you to grab at your ankle, as if touching it would suddenly make it feel better.

You slap the ground with your fist and scream again. Leah comes sliding in next to you, pinning your ankle to the ground with a firm hand.

"I know," She says," I know but we need to keep it still. Just stay still."

"Leah," You sob," It hurts!"

"I know," She repeats," The physios are coming straight on. Just keep it still."

Katie comes running to you next, tucking your face into her chest as you sob, shielding you from the fans.

Caitlin has taken her job at yelling at the ref, desperate to get some kind of compensation even if it was all a complete reaction.

"I...I..." You manage to get out through your tears," I don't think Gleeson's going to call me up for the break."

Lia, who had gently removed your cleat, laughs. "You don't need to focus on that right now." She peals your sock down. "But it's nice that you've still got your sense of humour."

You hiss as someone else touches your ankle.

"Hey!" Katie snaps," Careful with her!" She turns back to you. "Can you walk?"

"I don't even think I can stand up."

"You're going to be okay," She says as the stretcher is brought on," They'll fit you with a boot and you'll come back to mine."

You groan. "God, not your place."

"What's wrong with my mine?!"

"You can't cook! Can I go to Kim's instead?"

"I think I preferred it when we didn't talk."

You grin. "Didn't your Ma ever tell you lying's bad?"

#woso x reader #arsenal wfc x reader #arsenal x reader #arsenal wfc #woso community #woso fanfics #woso imagine #woso

[scribblesofagoonerr]

— Where's dumb and dumber?

here's pt. 4 of chaos fc, this is honestly so much fun to write and its' a nice break from the angsty stuff as well, cos' I really can't be dealing with any of it right now!

thanks to @alotofpockets as always for helping me out with ideas along the way and giving me the confidence to post!

pairings: kim little x reader, kyra cooney cross x reader, awfc x reader

summary: reader and kyra continue to try and cause trouble down under, however, some of the girls are quick to realise before its' too late.

also, reader is a protective guarddog when it comes to her best friend getting hurt.

"Come on Kimmy, it was harmless fun!" You exclaim, trailing through the hotel after the long bus ride back from the open traning session and it was safe to say that your Captain was still pretty miffed about what had happened in the changing rooms.

Well, if the looks from the Scots' women were anything to go by then, yeah, you were definitely still in trouble.

"Harlmess or not, I told you to not cause anymore trouble!" Kim states in a firm tone of voice, stopping in her step to turn and look at you, "I feel like I can't even leave you alone for 5 minutes without you gettin' into trouble!"

"I don't see what the big deal is," You can't help but huff and wonder if your Captain is being slightly dramatic.

That was definitely the wrong answer to say, if the look that the older Scots' was anything to go by.

"The big deal?" Kim scoffs and shakes her head, "The big deal is that I'm really gettin' fed up with the constant immature behaviour-- When are you going to grow up, Y/N!?" She snaps.

This is probably the point in which you should say something sensible...

"Where's the fun in that though?"

Or not then.

You watch as your Captains' eyes widen in disbelief before shes' shaking her head, "Thank God we're going back to London in a few days!" She mutters before she pinches the bridge of her nose, "Enough of the pranks, now! I mean it, Y/N. You so much as pull another prank and I'm phoning Leah again to let her know of the recent trouble you've gotten yourself into!"

Without so much as another word, Kim storms off in another direction and your left dumbfound, feeling more than guilty for causing your skipper a near nervous breakdown from the trouble you've been causing.

"Leprachauns' out for revenge," Your partner in crime leans in and whispers, careful to not get caught as shes' under the watchful eye of Steph still, so you can guess that she got a grilling about things as well.

Plus, Caitlin as well most likely, after all it was her girlfriend that got the brunt of the prank that backfired on the wrong victim.

"Yeah, I'd say we're toast whenever she catches up to us," You tell her in a hushed whisper as she wince when your eye catches the Irish defender, who your certain is definitely still holding a grudge about what happened.

"How much trouble did you get in with Kim this time?" Kyra wonders, curiously.

"Eh its' nothin' I can't handle, but she did threaten to call Leah again," Your face pales at the thought of the blonde hearing what else you had been up to. "What did Steph say to you?" You ask.

"Pretty much to not do it again, you know? Blah, blah, blah," Kyra relays what said back as she rolls her eyes. "Caitlin wasn't too happy either about things, considering its' her misses." She states, amusedly.

"Oops," You can't help but surpress the giggle that slips out of your mouth. "Guess we've gotta tone it down on the pranks for a bit." You murmer in realisation.

No way did you want to deal with an angry blonde yelling at you down the phone again, needless to say you were going to try and keep a low profile for now at least.

"Where's the fun in that though?" Kyra jokes as she slides her phone out of her pocket and starts to scroll through her Instagram feed, "Hey, Y/N-- Have you seen these?" With that being said, she not so politely shoves her phone in your face.

"Wha-- No way, seriously?" You can't help but crack up laughing as you watch the fan edit replay over fans' speculating that you and Kyra being together as more than just friends, "There's no way that people are believing this!" You exclaim.

Kyra can't stifle her laughter as she nods, "I know, right? We're just friends!" She finds humour in the situation; Your used to fans freaking out about things, but seeing the interaction between you both and immediately labelling it as a relationship was just hilarious to even see.

"We're nothing but chaotic, platonic little shit best friends," You grin as you playfully throw your arm around the older girl and lock her in a head lock. "Hey! I have an idea, let's just give the fans what they want!" You exclaim as an idea pops into your head.

Kyra manages to wrangle herself out of your grasp and scrunches her face up, "Ew. No offence, Y/N/N, but I don't see you that way. I'm not kissing you." She states.

"Wha-- No, not like that you idiot. Lets' just wind them up!" You roll your eyes as you pull your phone out of your pocket, tapping on your Instagram and hold it in front of you both as you playfully plant a kiss on the older girls' cheek, "Ere', smile!"

"Right, so when we get to the stadium we'll-- Oh hold on a second!" Kyra's quick to get distracted in the middle of her explanation, leaving the piece of paper with varies scribbles out in plain sight for anyone else to walk past and see it.

Definitely not careful enough to hide it.

A certain blonde is able to find them easy enough.

"What're they up to now?" Alessia furrows her eyebrow as she lifts up the piece of paper, skeptical of being caught victim to another one of your pranks after watching the latest mayhem unfold with the Irish being the one to pay the price, "Vic, have you seen this?" She motions to the Dutch player.

"Seen what?" Vic asks, confused.

"This," Alessia mumers, gesturing to the paper that she holds up in her hand. "I can't really understand it-- Butterfingers and pancake? Are they, like, yeah I'm confused." The blondes' at a loss, trying to wrap her head around the explanation of the writing on the paper.

Vic isn't able to understand it either by her puzzled facial expression, "What the-- Are they baking a cake?" She questions, confused.

"I... I don't know," Alessia is clearly stumped over what it means as she looks around for someone who might understand it clearly, "Katie! Come look at this a second, please?" She gestures in the direction for the Irish girl to join the conversation.

"What's up?" Katie wonders, walking over to the two girls. "What you got there?" She asks, confused as she glances at the paper in her hands that Vic hands to her.

"We don't know. We can't understand it," Vic admits, confused.

"Butterfingers and pancake," Katie repeats, bewildered. "What... Whos' is this?" She asks, at a loss of what to even make of this right now.

"Kyra left it on the bench," Alessia answers.

Katies' eyes widen in realisation, "It's another prank." She mutters, searching round the room for the two culprits, who are strangely quiet right now. "Caitlin! Have you seen dumb and dumber?" She questions.

"Who're we talkin' about, right now?" Caitlin questions, laughing in amusement.

"Y/N and Kyra," Katie states, motioning to the paper that she holds in her hand. "I think they're up to something again." She adds.

"Oh you mean the English and Aussie pest," Caitlin jokes, walking over to join the three of them as she eyes' the paper in her girlfriends hands, "Seriously? Not again." She grumbles, shaking her head.

"I say that we let Kim know what's going on," Katie declares, looking around for the older Scots' women. "Kim!" She got the attention of the captain.

"Ye', what's up?" Kim looks over in the Irish girls' direction.

Katie wordessly hands the paper over to the Scottish women with an amused expression plastered on her face, "Thought I'd give you the heads up, Cap." She jokes.

Taking in the notes on the paper, Kims' left looking bewildered and lost for words, "Just one day," She mutters to herself, at her wits' end the troublemaker duo.

"What'd they do?" Steph chimes in, being near to the Scots' women.

"Take a look yourself," Katie jokes, glancing to the paper.

"Oh boy," Steph exhales a sigh as she reads over it, "What the hell does butterfingers and pancake mean?" She asks, confused.

"I don't know, but I know it means they're up to no good," Kim mutters, exhaling a sigh.

"Steph and I will have a word with Kyra and we'll leave Y/N to you," Caitlin reassures the older Scots' woman as she pats her on the shoulder before trying to spot out the Australian girl, "Kyra, over here!" She speaks aloud to get her attention.

"Wha-- I didn't do out!" Kyra exclaims in protest, throwing her hands up in the air.

"Not yet you haven't, we're putting a stop to it before it happens," Steph chimes in, shaking her head as she slings her arm around the girl.

"Y/N, come here!" Kim shouts aloud to get your attention from across the room.

"Busted," You mutter to yourself and slump over to meet the stern look of your captain, suddenly having a sense of dejavu about this certain situation. "Whatever you think I did, I didn't do." You state.

"What's this?" Kim holds up the paper note in her hand.

"Er, well its' a piece of paper. Was that supposed to be a trick question?" You question, sarcastically.

By the look on the older womens' face, you should know that she is not messing around and you should most definitely refrain from any further sarcastic comment.

However, you just can't help yourself sometimes.

"You know what I mean," Kim deadpans, pursing her lips. "Whatever this is, it stops right now!" Your captain is promptly wagging her finger in front of your face.

"I don't know what your on about," You mumble, trying to play innocent. "I don't even know what that is." You add, continuing to play dumb about it all.

"Yes you do, Y/N-- The girls found it, I know its' a prank and I'm telling you to pack it in right now!" Kim lectures; You have to admit that she really can be scary sometimes, and its' nothing to do with her height.

"Snitches," You murmer under your breath as you can't help but glare at the girls around the room.

"You should be gettin' ready for the match, not planning any of this dumb pranks-- Carry on and I'll have you benched!" Kim continues to scold you, mentioning about the upcoming match you're currently supposed to be getting ready for to play against the All Stars. "Stop muckin' around and get ready right now, do you understand?"

You swallow the lump in your throat and shuffle in your spot, "Yes Kim, I understand." You mumble, although you can't help but stare down at the floor.

Sure enough the lecture is enough to scare you to try and not cause any more chaos, besides that can wait for after the match at least for now.

"So, Tiny threatened to have me benched if I pull another prank," You murmer to your best friend after you finish getting ready for the match.

"I just got a right earful from Floof and Veggie," Kyra huffs in agreement as she finishes tying up the laces on the boots. "They found the papers." She adds in realisation.

"No shit, only cos' you left them aside for anyone to see!" You exclaim, glaring at the older Aussie girl.

"It weren't my fault I got distracted!" Kyras' quick to protest as she throws her hands up in mock surrender.

"Well either way, I have to keep on her good side now or shes' gonna call Malfoy!" You tell her, huffing and slumping your shoulders; You really didn't want to endure a certain blonde defender lecturing you down the phone at all.

"Malfoy?" Kyra questions, confused.

You nod in agreement, already reaching for your phone to explain the reason behind the newfound nickname for the centre back, "Yep, new nickname for the English skip, cos' I seen the comments about her new haircut and they're hilarious comparing her to a draco malfoy wannabee," You tap on the former picture that the girls had taken back in London and show the older girl. "See?" You smirk in amusement.

"That's brilliant!" Kyra can't help but burst out laughing, "Your right, suits' her well!" She adds in agreement with your name for the stern english captain.

"Come on, lets' go girls. We need to line up!" Kim motions the pair of them out of the changing rooms with the rest of the girls.

"Comin'!" You shout in response, the two of you both dwadling to join the rest of the girls.

Kim spins around and eyes you both skeptically, "Remember what I said? No trouble!" She warns.

"You got it, Cap. No trouble whatsoever!" You grin in agreement, eager to stay on the Scot womens' good side for the time being.

"I mean it," Kim states.

"I know, I know. I'll be on my best behaviour, don't yer' worry!" You agree, signalling a mock salute as you join the end of the line, ready to head on to the pitch to face the All Stars.

"Agh!" You know you should be focusing on the game, however, its' impossible with what is currently going on right now.

Seagulls, feral birds that you're terrified off.

"God damn this ball-- They keep deflating!" Katie exclaims, motioning to the ref for the need to change the ball again, meanwhile you're still trying to not have a complete meltdown about the severe amount of seagulls flying around the pitch.

"Kimmy, help me! Somebody, anybody, help me!" You dart around the pitch like a maniac, to try and avoid them.

"Y/N, calm down! You're fine!" Kim tries to reassure you, all while trying to keep her focus on the game that you're currently playing on the pitch.

You shake your head and your not afraid to admit you were deeply scared of this birds, "I'm not fine! There's... Theres' birds, everywhere!" You exclaim.

"Y/N, they're harlmess..." Steph chimes in, mostly amused with your freak out on the pitch.

"No, no, they're fuckin' not!" You shout aloud in fear, doing your best to try and duck down as one flies in your direction. "Why the heck are they flying so low?" You question in horror.

"Y/N, focus on the game!" Caitlin chuckles, shaking her head.

"I... I can't! There everywhere, Caitlin!" Your downright petrified of these birds, however, your team all seem to find the situation amusing.

Kim pinches the bridge of her nose and shakes her head, "Good lord," She mutters to herself as she moves to gain possession of the ball. "Ere' Y/N!" She shouts in your direction to pass you the ball seeing as your stood in a spot that's open.

Dodging the pesky seagulls, you swoop in towards the direction of the ball and kick it towards Mini Viv who then is able to knock it to Alessia, whos' remaining unmarked and shes' able to head it in the back of the net to give your team to advantage to take the lead and be 1 nil up.

"G'wan, Lessi!" You exclaim, running towards the blonde to dive on her in celebration for the wonderful goal she had scored. "Lessi Russo with the stunning header!"

"Shut up you idiot," Alessia chuckles and swats the back of your head.

Taking the opportunity to enjoy the moment, your focus is switched back to the game in hand, wanting to at least have the chance to score another goal before the end of the game.

However, your fear for the certain birds turned into anger at the very minute that you watched your counter partner be involved in a particulary nasty foul and land on the ground.

"What the-- Nah seriously, ref? What the actual fuck!" Your throwing your hands in air in protest, outraged how the player on the opposite team was able to get away with it. "Are you blind!? Your an absolute idiot to not see that!"

You can admit that you might have been a slight bit more angrier with your words than you should have been.

Thank God it is just a friendly and no yellow cards can be given out.

"Kyra!" You are quick to rush to her side, the fear for the older Aussie girl whos' now being seen by the medical team. "Are you okay?" You question, concerned.

"Ow," Kyra murmers, wincing in pain.

Breathing a sigh of relief that she seems to be fine, given the cheeky grin she gave to the camera when she was being seen by the medical team, you stood up and turned to look at the player in anger.

"What the actual fuck-- Are you that stupid to hurt her like that?" You just see red, getting up in their face and pushing them back roughly. "You'rea fuckin' idiot!" You seeth.

"Y/N, cool it!" Kims' quick to try and reign in your outburst on the pitch,  trying to grab a hold of your upper bicep and drag you away from the situation before you make it worse for yourself. "What the hell are you playing at? Are you purposely looking for a way to cause trouble-- Control your anger!" She states, firmly.

"They hurt Kyra," You murmer, looking over to check in on your best friend. "They didn't even care about it either!" You motion to the player, who seemed completely unphased about the foul.

"Relax, Y/N. Kyra's fine, you need to control your temper," Kim states, sternly as she shook her head. "Your lucky this is just a friendly, or you'd have been sent off already!"

"They... They hurt Kyra," You repeat, not entirely happy that the player got away with it like she did.

It seems like your outburst on the pitch was more of a reason for Jonas, or as you'd kindly labelled him, Thanos to sub you off in replacement from one of the young guns; Initially, you were annoyed about it, however, you were soon joined by Kyra, so at least the two of you could chat on the bench.

"Are you alright?" You try and see if Kyra's actually okay, depsite the fact the medical team had seen to her on the pitch and even went to so much trouble as bring a stretcher on.

"I'm fine, relax, guard dog," Kyra jokes, plonking herself down in a seat beside you. "You know, fans' seeing your outburst like that is just gonna give them more reason to speculate them rumours." She jokes.

"Let them speculate all they want. I'm just a protective best friend," You grumble in response, not liking the fact of seeing the Aussie girl go down on the pitch at all.

© scribblesofagoonerr

#woso x reader #woso fanfics #arsenal women x reader #woso imagine #woso one shot #arsenal wfc x reader #kim little x reader #kyra cooney cross x reader #scribblesofagoonerr #chaosfc

[grind-pantera]

In A Hurry. ( Noa x Reader Oneshot. )

Fuck I love angst don't even TOUCH ME with your eyes I'm in my feels.

Title: In a Hurry. Fandom: ( Kingdom of the ) Planet of the Apes. Pairing: Noa x (Human) Reader. Rating: T ( Mentions of blood, injury and potential death, tiny bit of language. ) Words: ( I have no idea how i swear this was supposed to be like 2K words AHHH ) Summary: Noa bargained. Maybe you were gone by choice but the idea lingered - Had you been injured?

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He knew the moment his green eyes looked at the sky, noticing the dip of the sun as it skirted its way along the horizon, that he had made a mistake. You were supposed to be back. He thought to himself, resting a spear head on the ground in front of him. He had been messing with it, scraping a piece of wood into a sharp point to dig into a hole that he suspected might be infested with bugs of the pesky nature after someone in passing had brought it up. He had been so oblivious to the passage of time, a foolish choice to make when you had left a few hours to go forge for some berries. It was hard to keep track of time though, especially when Noa had a front row seat to watch Soona and Anaya bicker. Today’s special was about Anaya- as it most usually was. Noa smiled at the familiarity before it quickly faded into oblivion at the existential thought. You were supposed to be back. 

You never went too far; never too far into the woods, knowing of the possibility of danger especially as an Echo, never ventured away from the Clan, from your home, your nest, your things… From… from Noa. He felt something surge inside of his chest that yelled at him to move his body. You were supposed to be back. Noa often went with you along with Soona and Anaya - An unbreakable bond began forming around the four of you. But, in those instances when Noa was unable to go, he would urge Soona, Anaya or even his Mother on occasion to go. At this point, his body was in movement, spine aching ever so slightly at the straight posture he was using to prepare his horse who greeted him with a joyous neigh., Noa wasn’t even sure how you convinced him to let you go alone, letting his mind drift to the conversation only three or so hours ago, when the sun was beginning a rather leisurely and slow decent as the afternoon had passed. It was definitely alluring what you asked of him, which was why he granted you to go alone, without accompaniment. You told him it was only for a short amount of time, letting your hand lightly grasp at his bicep in some Echo communication that physical touch would get your way. It often worked but Noa held on until you explained you wanted to get some berries for dinner, that you promised not to go too far, and that you would bring your spear with you to fend off any potential attacks. They seldom happened so close to the village, but they were not unheard of by any means. You wanted to go to get some space to yourself, you told him, Noa having to remind himself that it was indeed a regular Echo thing. To enjoy their own personal space. He never understood it, always having Anaya or Soona with him when you weren’t with him in most cases, and when he wasn’t with them, he was deep in thought, obsessing at his own ideas, his own improvements. At those moments, his thoughts became his friends and he was never really lonely.

Noa contemplated it, but essentially let you go to the mild fury of both his friends, like he wasn’t already uncomfortable enough letting you go without any of them.... Anaya, worried just as much that something could happen to you, even going as far as to tell Noa to just follow you at a distance; Noa had to shove aside the fact that he had the same train of thought earlier but following you could result in less trust in the relationship, Anaya was slightly receptive to that but stood his ground in telling Noa he should just follow. Soona, who obviously thought the same thing, but in her everlasting rationale to keep Noa somewhat grounded, nodded in understanding when Noa told her the reason you wanted to go alone. It wasn’t a slight at them, just one of those pesky Echo things. Personal space, they repeated to themselves over and over. 

His forehead pressed against your own as a departure, your hands full. One with a weaved basket, albeit a little janky as you had made it yourself and had yet to master the art, and one with your spear. He felt a sense of calm at that. You were not far; if you screamed, he most likely would be able to hear it and you had a weapon. You were not going far, he told himself over and over again and trailed around the village in search of something to bide his time until you returned.

In the distance it took him to travel from his spot to the horse paddock, both Anaya and Soona had joined. Noa left so abruptly, saying nothing to them and the haste of his movements spurred his friends to follow. He knew they were talking to each other, the flurry of signing and the some words hit Noa as Anaya had finally asked, “Where?” “Echo is… not back?” Soona asked.

It appeared the consensus was that you had returned and no one noticed. Noa would. Noa would always notice. Growling under his breath, he turned to both of them and said, “Stay here in case… She comes back,” He glanced over his shoulder, “Noa… will go. Look in the woods. Can’t be far.” He was just saying that to keep them calm. “Stay,” He told them again, “Could come back while away.”

Stupid Noa, the Ape scorned himself as his long arms grasped at the saddle of his horse and within seconds, in a graceful sweep, he was perched on top, Eagle Sun coming to affectionately rest on his shoulder. When Noa mounted his horse there was more than enough incentive for Eagle Sun to join along. He’d ride for a few moments before opting to fly. The bird chirped, twisting their tiny head to the side a few times. Noa raised his hand at that, pressing a finger to their beak. Eagle Sun then took off with purpose. Find you, and if he found you first, show Noa the way. You were not back. You were supposed to be back. Before dusk, before dinner. 

Maybe you got lost, Noa thought as he tightened his grip on the reins, kicking at the side of his steed and urging them to go. Faster than he had been for a while, thighs tightening their grip on the sides as he blasted away from the village in the general direction he had bid you goodbye to early in the day. He was snapping inside of his head; unkind notions at how stupid he was to let you go alone, he should have known better, should have never… Never let you convince him. But, what was he supposed to do? Another part of him shouted. Keep you there? Never let you out of his sight?! From experience, Noa knew that to be a bad thing. The tighter you hold onto things, sometimes the faster they slip away. He was so fearful of you thinking, assuming that he was smothering you by not giving you personal Echo space that he now drove himself to the brink of insanity for letting you do something alone. The dissolution he had in himself; the tugging of his emotions as his gaze flickered around the racing landscape on the back of his stallion. He felt like he was going to be physically sick at the notion that you were… Gone. But if anything, he hoped it was by choice. He could at least begin to cope with the idea that you chose to leave, maybe figuring out that your future with him, with the Eagle Clan was going to go nowhere. Noa could learn, albeit out of bitterness, how to live with that. On the other hand lingered the absolutely disgusting notion that you were gone because you were spotted, chased and hunted down by another Clan. That they had the audacity to make their way onto Eagle Clan land and rip you from him.

 His teeth fell together in his mouth, the primal impact sending a clattering noise through Noa’s ears. He knew how the others were, what they did to Echo’s. Chased them to the brink of exhaustion, tied them to the back of their horses and dragged them through the terrain until they were dead. He, Soona and Anaya had come upon remains, skeletons of the Echo’s that had that misfortune. Noa squeezed his eyes shut at that visual now running circles in his mind and tried to quiet down the battling nature of his turmoil. Instinctually, he pulled the reins of his horse back to slow down, now urging them to be quiet with a hand placed on their neck. He was breathing heavily, chest heaving with ripe anguish and he swore his lungs were filled with nothing but water because it felt like he was drowning, swimming through the air. He was frantic to jump from the horse, feet hitting the ground hard enough to send a vibration through his entire body, followed by his hands. He moved faster on all fours, if he heard you, if he just knew where you were he could run. Noa began scanning the area. Between trees, around foliage, behind tree trunks, around the usual areas Noa had been with you. He recognized the area all too well, a surge of saddened negligence hitting him like a wave of the ocean.

This was where you and he first really talked, taking in the Summer weather spewing through the trees above asn Anaya and Soona began a conversation about which berries to pick. Anaya wanted the red ones off to the right to which Soona promptly turned him down. They were poisonous. Where the two of you went to seek solace from the prying eyes of the Clan, always curious what Noa’s decision was going to be regarding you being there. This was where you first held each other, a tight embrace… Hug, he recalled the word fondly falling from your lips… The way your body pressed against his, the way he was so unsure of it before giving in, long arms wrapping around you in a similar fashion and pulling you in close, close… The laugh you gave him when he squeezed too tightly, not aware of his strength being incomprehensible to you. What if… Those things…were all the last time? He was always fast to crumble, fast to fall down and this was no exception as his emotions began to collapse just like the Echo ruins that surrounded the Eagle Clan. The last time Noa saw you, smiling graciously at him as you trail to the woods, the sum beaming down on you and drenching you in that quintessential summer time shine. The last time Noa touched you, his hand cupping the side of your face, foreheads grasping at each other out of clear desperation to be near. The last time he heard your voice, so delicate in nature as you assured him that nothing was going to happen to you, that you were going to be okay… You were not a liar, Noa knew this, but the bile rose in his throat at your words. So tender, so reassuring to him in the moment that they felt so out of place now. You were not back, you were gone. They were all gone. And you had promised him otherwise. It was obvious from scent alone that you had been in the area, Noa took gross solace in that as it hit his nose. He figured this was where you would come, being most familiar with the area, with previous knowledge of blackberry and blueberry bushes around. Slated green and gold eyes caught something on a few leaves to his right, his glancing almost too quick to pick it up on the first sweep. He had mistaken it for a berry at first, but that was very much not the case. It was red, for sure, but not the kind he wanted it to be. He watched it drop from one leaf, onto another before taking refuge in the puddle of vibrancy against the brown of the Earth. 

Blood. It was blood, and Noa scooted towards it, gravity taking hold on his actions rather than the usual conscious thought. He almost fell over, tangling his hands and feet in the dirt as he stopped dead in his tracks. It was more blood than he cared to admit and it smelled… Smelled like you, fragrant as usual, and all too familiar to Noa. it lingered uncomfortably though and it began to smell of iron. Fresh. It had to be, there was no way it would hold onto that without being spilled recently; at least in the last thirty or so minutes. The fur on his neck and shoulders were prickled, Noa found himself on the defense thinking about what your movements had to have been. What had to have happened. Were you found? Bludgeoned and then taken away? Did you fall and hurt yourself? You were prone to that Noa thought with a bitter laugh at how clumsy you were at times. Were you still in the area--- 

Your basket! He raced a few feet to the left, grasping it in his hands. There were contents inside, not many, but enough to put Noa in a whirl of relief for a second or two. You were here recently, he reminded himself again, setting the basket down on the ground after its brisk analysis. His mouth slacked open animalistically, eyes narrow with the metaphorical hunt. His hands and feet dug into the ground. He was focused, primed and ready. What was that? Noa’s head whipped to the left again. A sound. Not an animal he knew; not even that of Eagle Sun who must have been still searching for you; a true testament to how quickly Noa was to get to the area. He managed to beat his bird. There it was again! That sound caused him to raise his body and shuffle towards it. It was hard to deduce, but it was enough to give Noa a sense of what direction to take. Slightly to the east, right passed the blueberry bush that you had dubbed your favorite months ago due to the pure amount of berries you got in one picking. Noa looked at it almost tenderly, thinking about that as the leaves brushed against the side of his body as he clutched passed it. His eyes hardened, his mouth opened in defense, baring his canines to whatever was making the reverb that Noa was picking up on. It was either dangerous or not given the blood spotted. Given the basket that was abandoned. It could be another Ape, aggressive. The thought alone caused the fur all along Noa’s spine to spring to attention.  It was getting louder, more guttural that sound… Oh.

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no.

The first thing Noa went for was your face. His hands were large, grasping at your head on each side, pulling it up from the rather awkward position it was hanging in as you had only managed to get yourself slightly propped up against a tree, at least that’s what Noa was able to put together. His first initial thought was that you were dead. You had to be, you couldn’t be, he was shouting at himself to pull it together but he couldn’t. The feeling of tears hit the back of his eyes at the very state you were in. 

There was blood on your face, he had smeared it artistically on his own hands before drawing his grasp downwards onto your chest. He left a barren red hand print there, accessing the skin of your sternum, hard with bone under his touch. Breathing, good, he took quick note of that, feeling the slower than usual pace of your heartbeat against the tips of his fingers. He tried to ignore the arrow that was jutting from your right shoulder with his movements, but it was brought to his attention when he minorly grazed it with his forearm after a feeble attempt to get you to sit up, sit closer to him. He wanted you near him, he needed you near him. As close as he could get so he could leverage himself up with you in his arms and get you back to his horse, back to the Clan… Arm under your knees, arm around the upper part of your body, careful around the arrow he had noticed, but enough for the Ape to help. He could pick you up with ease but stopped once he shifted to do just that. You groaned, eyes squeezing, instinctually, your hand raised and grasped at his forearm that was encased around your upper half.  Spurred by the hot sensation of pain rocketing through your entire being from just one simple move, Noa’s heart surged at the pure agony that came out of you. Okay, so… He couldn’t get you up. He couldn’t move you without causing more pain. “(Name)?” It felt strange to say still. Your name. It became such second nature in his mind but to say it…

Perpetual fear hit Noa but he tried his hardest to stay grounded, to put the pieces together. So. You were breathing, that was a plus. There was an arrow in your shoulder, not a plus. He was afraid to move you, another negative.  Not conscious to ask you any questions, your eyes were rolled back, only slightly open, another negative.. He figured you had no idea what was going on based on his call of your name and the lack of response, his eyes dropped down your body again, now laying in his arms lifeless, unwilling to give him a smile that he so needed now. Unable to say something sarcastic in that tone he loved to hear, unable to hold him in response…. Injury, he yelled inside of his head. Bad injury, he lingered, piercing his gaze into the arrow that had made its very home in your right shoulder. 

He gasped quietly at that, unfurling his hands against you before he dug his fingers right into you, protective in their stance. Noa finally noted the severity, no time to beat himself up over the immature idea to let you go alone for berries. He needed to do something about it. It was not a clean wound. The arrow went through, the arrow did not come out the other side of your shoulder, at least from what he could tell. He panicked, no idea what to do. Injuries were not his forte. They never were. He left them to the Village Elders who knew more about this, he left it to his Mother who soothed all his injuries growing up, even to this day he would occasionally ask for her assistance. “(Name.)” Noa’s voice was sharp, waving right around the edges in faltering resolve. He just needed you awake. Needed you to say something to him. Acknowledge him in any way or he felt he was going to lose it--- Lose you. “(Name).” Within a blink, Eagle Sun came to rest on Noa’s left shoulder. The bird was curious by nature, looking down at your body with beady eyes. Noa did the only thing he could process in that moment and that was to sign his bird to go get Anaya, Soona and his mother. He--- He couldn’t do this, couldn’t fathom being the one there to pull the arrow out of your shoulder. He’d make it worse, he’d hurt you, he’d make you hate him, he’d… He’d kill you… Noa didn't know what he would do then. He’d fall into ruin, destitute, unable to cope, unable to breathe with you… Without his mate, without his life and love and joy. 

He was--- God, he was weak. Never a leader like his Father, never a caring Ape like his Mother. He was… Weak… Green eyes bore a hole all along your expression, hopeful that maybe you were able to give him something in your teetering balance of unconsciousness as he moved the hand from under your knees out and upwards to cup the side of your face tenderly. He ignored the blood that he was putting against your skin and focused.  He needed to know what happened--- Needed to know who did this to you so he could tear their face from their body. Noa was beyond scared, now sensing the feeling of your blood against the fur of his upper body and his thigh where he was keeping you pressed against him. He was so scared, taking a few moments to tilt his head back in a bargain. He’d do anything you asked of him, anything at all, if you pulled a rabbit out of the hat. If your injury was not as severe as it appeared to be. Noa had a hard time really telling - Maybe it wasn’t as bad, maybe it was worse. He had no visible way to tell anymore. Eagle Sun’s squawk came to hit him, finally for once, Noa found it to be a good sound, often finding it rather annoying when the bird would bother him when he was deep in his own introspective. Good, good…. Anaya, Soona, Dar… They could help him. He needed them to help him. You’re so weak, Noa. He knew that. He knew that so well and watched helplessly as Soona and Dar took you away from him, resting you flat on your back and examining. They made a choice in silence. The arrow had to come out. It took Anaya to push him back as it happened, to keep Noa from absolutely crashing into his mother and Soona, to beg them to stop and that you were in more pain than he could bear. The screams that emitted from you were enough to give Noa nightmares for the rest of his life. 

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・●・○・

Minutes… Turned into hours… Which in turn gave Noa a full day of complete and utter shattered silence as he watched over you, your soft breathing that would rise and fall consistently, your twitching and muttering in what he hoped were good dreams. Or maybe, you weren’t dreaming at all and it was just a void… Noa tried to not focus on that, focus on how lonely and desolate it sounded. Dar, his Mother, had told him you’d survive. It was good when Noa found you, you had lost a lot of blood at that point, but good none-the-less. While her words were always reassuring to Noa, he took no solace in them this time around.

He couldn’t- not when the reasoning behind you laying so gently in the nest you shared with Noa was due to his absolute absurdity and poor judgment. You moaned in reaction to his fingers as they lightly placed themselves on the side of your face- Only fleetingly, Noa had to talk himself down from it. You were able to sense him, but you had yet to stir awake for him. That, he suspected, was due to a bump on the head, mentioned to him by his Mother. How… how small and fragile Echo’s bodies were… How even the smallest of injuries, a bump to the head, could cause unfiltered waves of unconsciousness. Noa felt sick again suddenly, replaying what must have happened to you in the woods. The sensation of isolation smothering all of his senses. Had you sustained a mild head injury from a fall? Were you struck by some outside force? He had no idea of knowing, but the obvious scramble was evident at the scene. You straggled, you crawled your way to the tree trunk after the arrow struck you, seeping your blood all along the floor of the woods and propped yourself up as best you could before the cold wash of oblivion must have taken you downwards. He could almost vividly see your hand marks on the tree trunk. You must have attempted to stagger to your feet but couldn’t--- Noa swallowed hard at that. You were just trying to survive, trying to get home. He’d find himself brushing his fingers along your body, anywhere he could, every few minutes just so you were aware that he was there. Much like before, his hand reached out and instead of your face, he lightly rested it against your uninjured shoulder, bare to his eyes as you had been stripped of your upper body clothing, well… More or less, your sweater and under-shirt were ripped off by Soona to get a better view at what had happened to you when Eagle Sun brought them to the event. 

Noa’s eyes couldn’t bring themselves to even look at your injury, rooted paste placed on top, along with a thin cloth to keep it unexposed to the air. Based on his internal clock, Soona would be there in an hour or so to replace the cloth with another... He was there the entire time, not having any time set aside to eat, to be with Soona and Anaya who he knew were waiting outside, unwavering in their friendship to him, unsettled in Noa’s choice of mate. To them, you were one of the Eagle Clan, and for Noa, they accepted you with open arms. Your blood still clung to the very tips of his fur. He hadn’t taken any time to even groom, how could he? How could he leave you? His mate. 

That loving notion that always wrapped Noa in warmth didn't stop the young Chimp from flying off the rails at himself. The stupid, so vastly immature mistake at letting you go alone. Had he been with you, this entire situation could have been avoided. You’d be awake right now, looking at Noa with those eyes--- Those eyes that he loved, that he found himself getting lost in from time to time, even in his own mind did he get lost. You’d be conscious, maybe even with your hand in his fur, the way he liked, the way that got him to pause and to come down from even the highest of highs. His hand had trailed from the rest on your shoulder upwards to your hair where he gave it a tender stroke. There was dried blood between the strands, he noticed and could hear your voice in his head. 

I must look like shit.  When can I go to the creek to wash myself? He smiled at the imitation he had of you in his imagination, it being rather remarkable. He’d spent so much time observing you that your tendencies, Echo or not, were well ingrained into his memory. How you would react to things, how he knew in this moment you’d be concerned about looking bad in front of him; a concept that Noa didn't care much about. To him, in any circumstance, you were beautiful. Even now… He thought quietly to himself and brought his hand back upwards to your hairline before brushing very gently backwards. In wishful passing, with each stroke of your hair Noa just hoped and hoped it would be the one that would spur you to wake. He hoped.

#noa #noa x reader #noa x human reader #planet of the apes x reader #kotpota #pota #kingdom of the planet of the apes #noa pota #planet of the apes #owen teague #noa kotpota #emmy writes #fanfiction #fanfic

[authorhjk1]

Hi! Loved your Yoona fic and your idea. Hope you can do something good for Yeri in this outfit since she looked spectacular in this.

Black

(Kim Yeri X Male Reader)

"You look way better now."

You let out a heavy sigh as you calm down on the park bench.

You are just outside of Seoul. This park used to be part of a garden from one of Joseon's palaces, if you remember correctly. But time and nature have run their course. The park is now starting to turn into a forest.

Kim Yeri looks up at you, after you spoke. She is kneeling on your jacket, right in front of you. After a couple of wonderful moments, she finally made you cum on her face. And while she always pretends to be shy and innocent, you know that she likes being used. Especially when she becomes a brat. And especially in public.

It turns her on, knowing that someone could catch her. Red Velvet's innocent maknae, kneeling on a small gravel path in front of a bench, her face covered in thick, sticky semen by a man her fans don't know.

A man who uses her when and wherever he wants. This is already public enough for your taste. But you wonder if Yeri would've been able to take it a step further. You remember the large pedestal where the throne was standing on as the two of you entered the throne room. There would've been enough room for you to fuck her, while the tourists in the room would've taken pictures of the throne.

"Thank you, daddy."

Yeri scoops up some of your cum with a finger, before she licks it clean.

You were surprised when she called you that for the first time. But it fits her persona. Bubbly and innocent on the outside. A slutty brat on the inside.

"You think I'm done yet?"

Yeri sends a questionable look your way.

"Why did you think I wanted you here and not in a quiet room in the palace?"

She shrugs her shoulders, pretending not to care.

"I didn't want everyone to hear your slutty moans when I fucked you. Now get up."

Yeri gets on her feet, while you are blissfully aware that your cum is still staining her face.

"Bend over."

Despite being a brat and teasing you throughout the day, Yeri follows your every order as soon as you promise to use her. After all, this was her idea. You are just enjoying the ride.

Holding onto the wooden backrest of the bench, Yeri looks over her shoulder at you. Her cum covered face turns you on more than you expected. You are already hard again.

Your cock is still wet from Yeri's saliva as you take it into your hand and reach underneath her black dress. No underwear. Not that you expected any. She understood the concept of free-use.

Without another word, you push into her from behind. Yeri lets out a gasp as she feels your cock penetrating her snug pussy. It's way tighter than her mouth and you enjoy the way her walls wrap around you.

You keep pushing deeper, until your base meets her cheeks. Her dress is bunched up around her waist now, so you have a perfect view of her well shaped butt.

A couple of quick and definitely unexpected spanks make Yeri yelp in pain and surprise. You quickly knead her cheeks afterwards as you pull out of her again.

"Have I been a bad girl, daddy?"

The both of you know that she was. She always is. Especially when she wants to be used.

"Let's see how long you can keep this up."

You're already speaking through your teeth. After cuming on her face already, your cock seems to be more sensitive than usual.

Just as she is about to give you a cheeky reply, you thrust into her again. A load moan escapes her mouth instead. No one is around, or at least you hope so, as you start to take her from behind.

Yeri quickly turns into a mumbling mess within a couple of thrusts. Her tolerance for pleasure is very low. You know it's not going to take long for her, until she is walking on clouds.

You use her inability to keep herself together to, well..., use her. Your hips meet Yeri's with a steady pace as you thrust forward again and again. The young girl's moans increase in volume. Her knuckles turn white as she tightens her grip on the bench and on you.

"Please, daddy! Make'm watch!"

You are too far gone by now, to actually comprehend what she just said. Is someone actually watching? Did you get caught?

You can't think about these questions for more than a split second. Yeri's pussy sucks you in. Your cock, your thoughts, your soul.

"Fuck, daddy! You gonna make me cum."

You catch a globe of your cum falling off her face as you look down on her from behind.

It makes you fuck her harder. Yeri is mewling and crying now, her legs buckling. Her thighs quivering deliciously.

Another hard spank makes her rock forward. Now she is bend over the backrest, her legs holding onto a lower part of the bench. Another spank and Yeri loses complete control.

You hear her shoes scramble in the gravel as you make her climax in public. The light wood starts getting darker underneath her as Yeri stains the bench with her juices.

"God, Yeri."

You groan, knowing that she is gonna make you cum again so soon.

You planned on filling her up to the brim, but where would be the fun in that?

Yeri likes it public. Dearing. Borderline slutty madness. And so, you add to her already stained appearance.

As you are about to climax, you quickly pull out and cum all over her hair from behind. White pearls of your cum cover several parts of her black silky hair.

You know you've made a beautiful mess of her. There is know way she can walk around like that. And yet, Yeri doesn't say a word of disapproval. Her face and her hair covered in your cum and yet, she looks over her shoulder at you, smiling. Glad you took out your stress on her beautiful body.

#ask #kpop #kpop smut #kpop girls #kpop gg #male reader #red velvet smut #red velvet #red velvet yeri #kim yerim #yeri #yeri smut #authorhjk1shorts

[lesbojournals]

Hi Liz! I’ve just read your poly!marauders pregnancy fic and I love it! Your reading is stunning!

I’m here with a special request… I was wondering if you could write a poly!marauders x fem!reader where reader is acting weird and distant and the boys are worried and at the end she was hiding a huge secret, a pregnancy. She was scared they wouldn’t want a baby but they all ended up really happy about it? Just some slight angst with happy ending. ❤️

a/n: hi anon! i did put a little bit of my own twist to this, hope that's okay!

Poly!Marauders x Pregnant!Reader

It had only been two days. In fact, it was only the beginning of the second day. 

One full day and some hours since you found out you were pregnant.

One full day and some hours since you started ignoring your boys.

What else were you to do? It was a complete surprise. You'd never even discussed having a baby together, let alone if they even want children.

After taking your pregnancy test, you bolted out of your shared flat with no explanation, driving yourself to the beach so you could have a long cry.

Each boy texted you separately and called you separately, various times. You ignored every call.

I'll be home soon. Staying at my parents for the night. is what you texted in your shared chat. 

You weren't lying…yet. Just withholding information.

As you had driven up to your parents house you felt the tears all ready to burst. The shocked look on your mom’s face when you were at the door was enough for her to bring you in and comfort whatever you were going through. You had told her your secret, and she admitted the boys reached out to her in concern. You fell asleep on your parents’ couch in distress.

One day and a few hours is when you woke up. You scrolled through your phone. Missed texts from Remus, missed calls from Sirius, voicemails from James. 

“You're going to have to tell them, you know.” Your mom entered the living room with a cup of tea for you. 

You gratefully took it and sat up, shaking your head. Your hand went to your stomach without thinking. 

“I know,” You said, starting to feel worked up again. “I know.”

It was an hour or so later of your mom giving you the confidence to tell your boyfriends that led you to dial Remus’ number. 

“Honey?! Oh, my love, are you okay?!”

“Is that her??”

“Give me the phone!!”

The voices of your boyfriends rang through the speaker, and you sighed with a shaky voice. 

“Can you guys meet me at the beach? We need to talk.”

It was James that broke the silence that took place after you spoke. 

“Yea, of course darling. Be there in 10?”

You felt tears dripping down your face. “Mm-hm. Love you. Bye.”

Three “Love you”s chorused through the phone. You hung up quickly and held your face in your hands as you cried. Your mom rubbed your back encouragingly.

“Love, it'll go okay. And if it doesn't I'll be right here for you.”

That brought you to arriving at the beach. Your mom drove you because of how emotionally distressed you were, not being able to control your tears. 

You saw James’ car in the lot and took a deep breath as you rubbed your eyes. 

“You got this sweet pea.” Your mom gave you a shoulder squeeze.

You hesitantly exited the car and watched as the boys did the same. 

They looked broken. Remus was unusually dressed in sweats and one of Sirius’ shirts and looked like he hadn't slept. James eyes were bloodshot and cheeks pink. Sirius, on the other hand, had a dangerous look on his face, borderline between looking like he'd scream or cry.

“Where have you been?!” He came off intimidating, eyes glossy. You flinched at his tone, leading Remus to step in front of him.

He grabbed your hands. “Dovey, why did you leave?”

You looked up at his hazel eyes, noticing James holding Sirius in a side hug behind Remus. 

“I…I…” Your voice cracked and you felt hot tears slide down your cheeks. 

Remus rubbed your hands gently with his thumbs. 

You let out a desperate cry and looked down at the ground. “I'm pregnant. I’m keeping it.”

With that Remus let go of your hands, and you felt your world collapse. You started to cry harder, about to bring your arms around your body to hug yourself before a body slammed into yours, grasping you tightly.

“Oh, love…” Sirius spoke into your neck. 

You looked up in shock at James and Remus, both looking utterly surprised. 

James stuttered as he spoke. “I, you, we are going to have a baby?”

“You guys are staying with me?” You asked, uncertain.

Sirius whipped from the crook of your neck to grab your face with both of his hands. 

“Is that what you thought dolly? That we wouldn't stay with you!!” He almost seemed hysteric at the thought.

You shrugged. 

“Oh sweetheart…” Remus spoke quiet. 

Before you knew it Remus and James both joined you in your hug, holding onto you tightly.

James was the one who broke it apart. “I just, I can't believe it.”

He grabbed your shoulders and gave them a gentle shake. “We’re going to be parents!!”

You blinked and James had you up in the air, swinging you around in a circle as Remus fretted and Sirius laughed. “We’re gonna be parents!!!”

#poly!marauders x pregnant!reader #poly!marauders fluff #poly!marauders x reader #poly!marauders #poly!marauders x you #james potter #sirius black #remus lupin

[invisible-lint]

Everything Could Be Okay: Chapter 4

Rhys x Tamlin's sister!reader

Summary: You tell Feyre about the bond and come up with an idea

Warnings: none

Word Count: 2.1k

Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

You're surprised your pacing hasn't worn a hole in the floor. You had finished your bath and dressed. Eaten the food that had been brought in for you, and even braided your hair. But you couldn't convince yourself to leave the relative safety of this room. Because you knew yourself and you knew that you wouldn't be delicate about it. No, the moment you see Feyre, you're going to just blurt it all out. And you're not sure how she’ll react. You love her as if she were actually your sister. Some days, you feel as if you may love her more than your brother. You're not sure you could stand it if she hated you.  So here you are, pacing like a coward. You suppose you should just do it. A wound doesn’t hurt any less if you know it’s coming. 

You wipe your hands on the pants of the night court attire, trying not to squirm. It was the first time you had ever worn pants and you weren't sure how you felt about the way the material gathered between your legs. It'd have to do for now, there weren't any dresses in the wardrobe. 

You finally force yourself to leave the bedroom, heading for the library. You linger outside for a moment before taking a breath and walking in over to where Feyre sits. You pull the chair out and sit across from her, but the moment she looks up from the paper and sets the quill down, your nerves get the best of you, and you stand back up, starting to pace again. Feyre watches you, curious.

“What is it?”

“Rhys. Rhysand is my mate.” You pick at the cuff of the shirt.

“Oh. Does that mean you're going to stay here?”

“No. I'll still go back to Spring with you when it's time.” You look at her, trying to gauge her reaction, but her face is blank, expressionless. 

“Why?”

“Because I don't want you to have to deal with the fallout by yourself. And because I don't want to leave you there alone.”

“I wouldn't be alone. I have Tamlin.” 

“Feyre…” You barely manage to hold back a sigh. 

“What?” 

“Do you want to marry him?” You reach for her hand, trying to offer comfort, but she pulls her hand away, anger dancing across her features. 

“Why do you keep asking me that?” 

“Because I don't think you do.” 

“I think you should stay here.”

You bite the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from flinching, uncertain why the words hurt so much. “Why do you think that?” 

“Because you're miserable there. That's why you think I don't want to marry Tamlin. Because you're worried about me ending up like you. But I won't. Because I love him and he loves me.” You do flinch that time. Were you truly so miserable that everyone knew it? You had thought you had done a good job hiding it around Feyre at the very least, and the realization makes guilt sink in your stomach like lead. 

“Is that enough for you? Is the life he will allow you enough? Planning parties and birthing heirs?” 

“Do you think your life here will be anything different?” Her words sting. Rhys was nothing like Tamlin. 

“That’s not the point, Feyre.” You press your palms against your legs, breathing deep, to try to keep your temper at bay. 

“No? What is the point then?” Feyre crosses her arms, her gaze hard. 

“You're already miserable in Spring, but you're not trapped. At least not yet. That doesn't have to be your life.” You sit down across from her, trying to soften your gaze, eyes pleading.

“You're not trapped if you want to be there. I just… I just need the mating bond to snap and then everything will be better.” 

You nod, chewing your lip, reaching for her hand again. She uncrosses her arms, letting you take it this time. An olive branch, you suppose. 

“You think you're mates?”

She nods. “I do.” 

You force a smile. “Well, now I understand why you got so defensive when I suggested you didn't want to marry him. I'm sorry, Feyre.”

She smiles back. “So am I. I could have told you. So… Rhys is your mate? How do you feel about that?”

You blow out a breath, slumping in the chair. “I… Need some time to wrap my head around it.” 

She nods. “Because of your family?”

You manage to hold back a grimace. Of course Tamlin told her about that. You're sure he left out the part that made him look bad. The reason why Rhys and the previous High Lord had killed your family. 

“Not really. I spent more time in close proximity to our family than Tamlin did. Aside from our mother… They were not good males. They deserved what happened to them.” You notice the way Feyre's eyes widen in surprise. She looks like she has more questions she wants to ask, but you keep talking. “No, I'm not quite ready to move on yet. I need a little more time.” She pulls her hand away, guilt shadowing her face. You can see it as she retreats into herself. You stand from your chair, walking around the table to kneel in front of her, taking both of her hands in yours. 

“I will never, ever, blame you Feyre. You never have and never will be to blame for what I lost. I wish you could have come into our lives another way, because you have become like a sister to me and I am so glad that I have gotten to know you.” 

You're both tearing up, but Feyre is smiling, and you do too. 

“You've become like a sister to me too. Can I ask you something?” 

You nod. “Of course, anything.” 

“Would Andras want you to be miserable? Or would he want you to move on?” 

You stare at her not saying anything, but your silence must answer for you, because she nods, squeezing your hands.

“That's why you should stay. So you can move on, because I don't think you can in Spring.” 

“I’ll find a way. But I want to come up with something that keeps Tamlin from wrecking too much furniture.” 

Feyre rolls her eyes, shaking her head, but the smile is still on her face. You stand, letting go of her hands. “I'll let you get back to your letter practice. I found a music room with a piano in it and Rhys said he would get me new music to learn! It's been so long since I've had new music!” 

The guilt that had been gripping Feyre's chest tight ever since she had become your friend, your sister, loosens itself at the way your eyes light up with excitement. 

“I'll have to find you later so I can listen.” 

You smile, squeezing her shoulder as you leave, finding your way back to the music room, just in time to see Rhys laying a packet of music on the piano bench. He turns to look at you when you enter, smiling at the smile on your face. 

“I take it your conversation with Feyre went well then?” 

“It did. We both lost our tempers, said some unkind things, but we also said things that the other needed to hear. She thinks I should stay.” 

He raises an eyebrow. “And what do you think?” 

“I think she's right. I'll never be able to move on as long as I'm still in Spring. There are too many memories there, too many reminders. And I know it's what Andras would want. I know that if the bond had snapped while he was alive, he would have been cautious. Probably would have insisted on being here with me, but he would have encouraged me to explore it. He would not want me to be miserable.” 

Rhys nods, walking over to take your hand, brushing his thumb across the back of it. “We take this at your pace. Whatever you want.” 

“I'd like for us to be friends first. I want to get to know you. The real you. Rhys, not Rhysand.” 

“I think that could be arranged.” He smiles, violet eyes twinkling with stars. 

“And I'd like some dresses. I don't like wearing pants.” 

He laughs. “That also could be arranged.” 

You look over the male in front of you, your mate, eyes lighting up as the start of an idea forms in your head. 

“Tell me everything about Feyre's bargain, bargain tattoos and bargain magic.”

It's nearly the final day when you burst into the library, Rhys following close behind. Feyre jumps, quill scratching across the parchment, startled by your sudden entrance.

“I came up with an idea so that I can stay here. When Rhys takes you back, he’ll tell Tamlin that I made a bargain with him to release you from your bargain. You have to return to the Night Court two more times to make up for the remainder of the three months missed, but once those weeks are over, as long as I remain in the night court, you don't have to return. You and I will also make a bargain, but we'll get into that when Rhys leaves.” You glance at him over your shoulder, giving him a pointed look. He raises his hands in mock surrender, turning to leave, tugging on the bond as he does. You shake your head, grinning. 

“I think overall it's a good idea. Why are we making a bargain?”

“Because I want to know that you're okay. I know you want to be in Spring. And I understand why now. But if anything ever changes, I want you to tell me and we’ll get you. I don't care if it's a week from now or 100 years from now. You'll always be there because you choose to be.”

“And you won't be upset if I do?” 

“Of course not. I hope the way I pushed hasn't made you feel like I would be. I really did think I was helping.” 

“I know you did. What will our bargain be?”

“Rhys said it can be something simple, as long as it remains unfulfilled, or is open ended, the tattoo and the bond that comes with the bargain will remain.” Feyre nods, waiting for you to tell her your idea. “We promise to write to each other once a week for the rest of our lives.”

“You made Rhys leave for that?” She raises an eyebrow.

You grin. “Yeah, I did.” 

She laughs. “I accept your bargain.” 

You feel the tattoo appear on the inside of your forearm, near your elbow and roll up your sleeve to take a look. You smile and the cluster of flowers that appeared on your skin.

“Little lillies?” Feyre asks.

“No,” you say, shaking your head. “Alstroemeria. Flowers have symbolic meanings and this one  means friendship, love, strength, and devotion. It's for people who help each other through the trials and tribulations of life.”

“For sisters.” Feyre stands, pulling you into a hug.

You pace in the study, waiting for Rhys to return from taking Feyre back to Spring. It shouldn't be taking this long, should it? You had sent Feyre back with a letter for Tamlin, explaining that you had felt responsible for Feyre's bargain with Rhys, so you had made the bargain to take her place. She would give it to him after Rhys left. 

You tug on the bond, trying to make yourself relax, managing to do so when you find it firmly in place. You would know if something was wrong. He was probably just antagonizing your brother. 

Rhys winnows back in, crossing over to you, placing his hands on your shoulders to stop your pacing. “If you keep going you might wear a hole in the rug, and I'm rather fond of this one.” 

“How did it go?” You drop your shields enough to let him in so he can show you, grimacing at what you see. 

“Don't fret, Darling. It could have been worse.” 

“It absolutely could have. I'm just not a fan of the way he pulled Feyre away from you. If he's not careful, he's going to hurt her.” You frown, brow furrowed. 

“If he does, we’ll know.” He taps the spot where your tattoo is. You nod, trying to force yourself not to worry. Part of you still wishes you had gone back with her. 

“So what now? You bring me to your Court?”

He nods. “I do, but not the Court of Nightmares. I bring you to my true court, to my home. I bring you to Velaris.”

A/N: And there it is! It took a completely different path than I was expecting. Unless I get super inspired and write the next chapter between now and Monday, the next chapter will not be posted until the 17th at the earliest. I will keep my requests open, because I'll probably still write, I just won't be editing and posting!

Divider by @tsunami-of-tears

Taglist: @lilah-asteria @readingislife2006 @acourtofimagines @mistymoocow @irelanrose

@darker-december @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @loving-and-dreaming @bravo-delta-eccho

@sidthedollface2 @oucereeng @jesskidding3 @panther-girl-124 @jiarkives

@thecraziestcrayon @nebarious @nyctophiliiiiaaa

#rhysand x reader #rhys x reader #rhys acotar #acotar #acotar fic #acotar fanfiction #acotar imagine #acotar x reader #acotar x you #maasverse #fanfiction #imagine

[the---hermit]

05|06|2024

New day new struggles working on this history paper. I cannot stress enough how stressed I am about how bad the new research interface of my uni is, I feel like ever since they did the big update it's super complicated to get results that have to do with what you are looking for and that are accessible too. Moreover no one cares about this topic because I genuinely cannot find anything. I have found a couple of articles to help me with context but not much. By the end of the week I plan on finishing reading and highlighting what resources I have found and then I'll see what I can make of them, and get back to the professor. I am procrastinating emailing her back because I have no idea what to say tbh. My English lit review on the other hand is going pretty well, and reviewing in the afternoons seems to be a good plan. Since I am a bit more tired having to review out loud helps me with staying focused, and I also don't have to read historical sources all day, or else I'd lose my mind. This afternoon I struggled to stay focused anyway, but at least I got some stuff done, if I had to continue my history research I wouldn't have done anything probably. My brain is just very very tired again.

Today's productivity:

started my morning with an audiobook

more struggling looking for historical sources (I found a couple more but I am keeping those for the very end because they are once again not 100% relevant to what I have to do)

read and highlighted quite a few sources I downloaded at the beginning of the week (a couple were more or less useful a couple were a waste of time, but maybe I'll quote a couple of context details in the end, who knows. At the moment I only need to read two more and then I am done with my first round of secondary sources, but one of those might get deleated because I'm pretty sure is totally useless)

got to practice my French because of a couple of said historical sources, and wrote down the new words I learned today (surprisingly my understaning is better than I expected giving that I have not used my French in years, I should really get back to it more seriously)

continued my first outloud review of all my English lit materials (today I started working on the Shakespeare part, it will take a couple of days to finish it, especially bc today I didn't do as much as I had hoped)

wrote a little summary of a couple of sentences for all the scenes of The Merchant Of Venice in order to review it without having to reread it for the fourth time

#studyblr #studyinspo #uniblr #university #historyblr #journal #studying #productivity #journaling #knife gang #mine #the---hermit #the tired brain cronicles continue

[k-aay]

WHAT... MY GIRL?

synopsis :: when their friend confesses to liking a certain someone that they are very familiar with. but they cannot do anything since they're supposed to keep the relationship a secret. and it's someone they'll never let go no matter how close they are. so what do they do in that situation? featuring :: gojo, geto, nanami, choso, toji, sukuna (part 2/2)

☆ CHOSO

He sits along the bleachers, watching as you practice with the students and have fun. It's the most beautiful sight: you smiling and laughing while being yourself with others. Seeing that brings a shade of pink to his cheeks, making him feel all warm inside. "Hey," Choso recognizes the voice of his brother beside him. The boy takes a seat beside him, happily admiring the view Choso had seen before. "What's making you so happy today?" Yuji questions. Choso shrugs his shoulders, trying to play cool as he remembers your orders about not telling anyone about your relationship yet. "Nothing."

Being his older brother, Choso noticed everything about Yuji. How he acted when he was embarrassed, upset, happy and as of right now, conflicted. He had something weighing on his mind and Choso spotted that immediately. "What happened?" he breaks the silence, catching Yuji off-guard. He takes a moment to think before sighing. "Okay, you promise you won't tell anyone?" Choso nods his head. "y/n," he speaks, pointing at you. In that moment, the older brother knew what was going on but didn't want to give in to that thought.

He didn't want to admit the fact that his younger sibling had a crush on you. His girlfriend. His partner. "What about her?" he questions, sounding more panicked by the minute. "I like her," Yuji admits. "She's funny, smart and a good person overall!" Of course, Choso knew all of that already. You were everything Yuji described you as and more. He couldn't blame him for falling for you. Even Choso fell head over heels all over again just by the sight of you smiling.

"I know," Choso mumbles shortly after Yuji spoke. "Sorry, I didn't hear you properly. What'd you say?" He could feel a mix of emotions rising but only one of them was clear enough to him: jealousy. "You can't like her. I'm sorry but she's my girlfriend. I don't think I could let go of her so easily."

☆ TOJI

The man watched as his friend, Shiu filled out a few documents lying on the table. Toji knew him well enough that he barely made any mistakes at all. But spilled coffee and papers that were messily completed were all he needed to know to prove that his friend was distracted. Something was on his mind. "The hell is wrong with you?" he asks. "Got a new girlfriend?" Shiu rolls his eyes and continues with his work. "Nothing's wrong with me. And no, I don't have a new girlfriend." Toji lifts his feet and puts them on the nearby coffee table placed in front of him. "Bullshit. Something's wrong."

The sigh that escaped his lips signalled that he was on the edge of venting what was on his mind. "You know the girl that transferred here like a few months ago?" Toji takes a moment to think before something snaps together, "y/n?" Shiu nods his head. "I asked her out the other day but she turned me down and hasn't really spoken to me since." Normally, the man with his feet on the table would've been laughing and teasing his friend about this. This time, seriousness pooled over and left him annoyed and the reason was none other than you. "You asked y/n out?"

Shiu could've been attracted to anyone but of course, it had to be you. With your beautiful face, your intriguing personality and the way you make other people feel. Especially Toji. You made him feel alive in so many different ways no one could ever come close to. "... Yeah?" Shiu answered, causing the other to scoff. "Really, man? You had to ask out my girl?"

"Your girl?" Shiu repeated. "Yes. Don't you ever fucking walk up to her again, alright?"

☆ SUKUNA

He was a lot of things but jealous was never one of them. And he would love to continue that streak. Feeling such a thing for a person he could easily kill? He would rather die himself. You brought him to a party which was, in your opinion, a bad idea now that you really thought about it later on. He was uninterested in everything others did in the crowded place you people called "fun." That's when he saw someone he recognized before while you were chatting with others. They walked up to Sukuna, a blank expression on their face. "Uraume?" he speaks.

"Did you get dragged here too?" they question. Sukuna nods in response, watching as you talk with some guy. "Do you know who that is?" Uraume nods their head, "Yeah. He was running around the entire place earlier and hitting on random women." A feeling within him struck and burned. "Now that I think about it, he did have a thing for y/n." That was more than enough reason to interrupt the chat you were having with this ass. Maybe it was for the reason of your safety, but he couldn't deny the sunken feeling he had in his chest. Jealousy.

It wasn't as bad as he thought. In reality, it gave him a rush. Knowing that you wouldn't dare to be with anyone other than him filled Sukuna with all the reassurance he needed. Also knowing that he could rip off all the limbs of the low-lives who even thought of talking to you to take what was already set as his made his blood boil even more (in a good way?) He stood behind you, placing his arm around your waist.

"Who's your friend here?" he asks carefully, glaring at the so-called "man" in front of him. "Just... someone," you spoke. He lowered his head so his lips reached your ear, "Tell this 'someone' that you have to leave early before he's never seen again."

#jjk x reader #fanfic #fluff #jjk fanfic #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #angst #jjk imagines #choso #choso kamo #jjk choso #choso x reader #toji #toji fushiguro #toji x reader #jjk toji #sukuna #ryoumen sukuna #sukuna x reader #jjk sukuna

[emberuby]

in your arms forever — preview: chapter one. | p.js

pairing: park jongseong x reader (feat. ex. almost fiancé! park sunghoon)

a/n: here is a sneak peak of the first scene of chapter one <3 i've been writing a lot for the past few days but it's a slow process so i wanted to post a preview. however, i finally have a date for the release: june 14th woohoo! there will be 3 chapters and an epilogue. i have the entire story mapped out so i'm very excited!! if any of you have questions feel free to ask. ^^

warnings: the full chapter is pretty intense but the preview doesn't have many warnings, just isolation, slightly toxic! jay (may or may not get more toxic 🥹) and mentions of infidelity.

series taglist: @nshmrarki, @strxwbloody, @anittamaxwynnn, @heeheeyeoiizz01

wc: 980

It had been a week since you began living in Jongseong’s manor, a beautiful cage where your every move was monitored. You had an hour to spare before he came home, an hour to savour your solitude before the pretense of ignoring and dismissing him continued. Despite his attempts to break your shell and get closer to you, you maintained a cold distance.

Eva and Celia, Jongseong’s two corgis, laid beside you on the floor of Jongseong’s study as you read the books he left to keep you occupied, as if you were some helpless child. Your phone had been confiscated, leaving you with only the option to contact him through his servants. Any outing required a chaperone from his guards, who conveniently never allowed visits to your father, sister, not to mention Sunghoon. Gods, you missed Sunghoon. Your body ached to be held by him again, and your mind grieved at the thought of never seeing him again.

Time had frozen since you entered Jongseong’s home. You had been mostly alone with your thoughts, except for the corgis’ whines when they were hungry. The servants and guards barely acknowledged you unless it was to tell you not to do something. You kept wondering what your father could have possibly done to piss off the Parks and now owe something to them. This marriage, you were certain, was not about the flimsy excuse your father had told you but rather the Parks’ insatiable hunger for power. A part of you was grateful that all they demanded was a marriage, given they could easily kill you and your family with a snap of their fingers. You shivered at the thought.

“How are my sweet girls doing?” you heard from the door, and you sat up, surprised that your fiancé was back so early. Jongseong smiled widely and walked up to Eva and Celia to pet them. He began scratching Celia’s chin, followed by asking, “Has Y/N been treating you well? I’m sure she has; I know how much you love her.” He turned around to face you and continued, “I’m honestly quite jealous of how much time you spend with them. I think they’re starting to like you more than me,” he laughed to himself.

Your face remained unmoving; you didn’t know what to say back. You tried to stand up by yourself, but Jongseong grabbed your hand and gently pulled you up instead. You hated how your body reacted every time he touched you. Your body was hot whenever he was near, and your skin felt like it was on fire wherever he laid his hand. You would have been lying if you said he wasn’t attractive. He had the alluring look of his mother, magnificently beautiful. It was hard not to stare and admire him when he wasn’t looking. Then you remembered just how wrong this all was. You had the love of your life, and you were betraying him every time you leaned too far into Jongseong.

“Cat got your tongue, my love?” Your thoughts were interrupted by him again. The more you got to know him, the less he intimidated you. Honestly, you thought he was quite pathetic, constantly at the beck and call of his mother, desperate for her approval. You weren’t sure if he did anything without his mother knowing about it. It made you feel a bit brave.

Brave enough to point your chin towards him and glare at him, “I want you to let me go see Sunghoon.” He stood there in silence for about a minute, with a completely unreadable expression. You thought he may have not heard you until his menacing laughter broke the stillness. The way he was folded over, you’d think you were a comedian.

He finally calmed down and said, “That’s hilarious, Y/N. I know you’re not stupid. Tell me why the fuck I should let you go see your boy toy?”

“He’s not a boy toy,” you continued testing your luck, “and why not? It’s not like we’re in a real relationship. I don’t owe you anything and you don’t owe me—” he cut you off.

“Don’t fucking think about it. Our marriage is public news as of now. Why do you think I’m so scared of letting you out? The paparazzi are on our ass and they can’t find out that this is arranged,” he furrowed his eyebrows and scoffed, “Can’t have the press thinking I’m getting cuckolded by my wife with some nobody, now can I? Wouldn’t be good for my reputation.”

You clenched your fists, anger boiling inside you. “But I know this isn’t about your reputation. I know you and your mother are using me as a pawn. You’re probably out whoring yourself around with any girl that gives you attention, but gods forbid I go to see my boyfriend!” You yelled that last part and immediately regretted it when Eva began whining.

The fire in Jongseong’s eyes extinguished. “You are scaring the girls, Y/N,” Jongseong sighed and stepped closer, held your waist, and pressed a kiss to your temple. His eyes softened slightly, but his presence was still intimidating. “Don’t think so low of me, honey. I admit I’m a romantic, but I would never be unfaithful. You’re mine now, and I’m yours.”

Him standing so close reminded you just how much he towered over you. Half of you wanted to hit him in the chest and run in the other direction, while the other wanted to lean into his touch and let him hold you closer.

“Remember, Y/N, you are my wife. That little boyfriend of yours is someone you need to forget. You can keep fighting it, but it doesn’t change the facts,” then he whispered, “you belong to me.” He could feel you tremble in his arms, so he reached out for your hand and squeezed it.

#jay enhypen #park jongseong #jay smut #jay x reader #enhypen #enhypen x reader #enhypen fic #enhypen smut #enhypen angst #iyaf🕊

[mrm0rgansw0man]

hi !! can i have a more angsty arthur fic of the reader admiring him from afar and wanting to give him all the love he’s deserving of but feels she doesn’t have the chance to ? :)))) happy ending would be nice maybe arthur reads a note of hers !

god i love writing angst. LETS DO THISSS

hope you enjoy!! Xx @risingtripletaurus

I can let you down, I can make you Hurt.

Bitter, freezing cold. That was all you felt. Just the cold and the ache in your heart. Your whole chest ached, from the cold or from the emotions you were feeling you didn't know.

This whole Blackwater fucked up mess was just what you needed. You had already been struggling, being new to the gang and trying to help out and earn your keep. And, not only that, but Arthur Morgan hated you. You were sure of it, you had no clue what you did to offend him but just until right before this mess he started pulling away from you.

He was always friendlier with all the women of the camp, but you and him had taken a liking to each other. But one day, it just stopped. The hellos. The cups of coffee he'd bring you every morning. The shared cigarettes. The random talks, it was so nice. You'd be lying if you said you hadn't fallen for him. You though he could be falling for you too, but looks like you were wrong. You knew it was too good to be true.

"You're so down." Charles said simply. You looked up at him, not even having noticed he came into the cabin you had been sitting in.

"I can practically feel it in the air around you." He continued. Your eyes flit away from him and back to the floor. You watched a few snowflakes melt into your boots.

"Why do you care?" You asked quietly. "I'm sure you've got much better things to worry about than my problems."

Charles shrugged. "Just wanted you to know I'm here if you want to talk. I'm not doing much lately, cause of this hand. So I've noticed more."

Tears welled in your eyes. You blinked them away before you thought Charles could notice. But he still did.

"I've never seen you like this before. I'm worried about you, (Name)." Charles said. His voice more stern now. "Ask anyone, it feels like and looks like, no offense, that the life has been drained out of you."

"It's jus' the cold..." You mumbled. "I'm fine Charles.."

"You know, I was sitting in this cabin with you for hours. You didn't move once. You didn't even know I was here, did you? And Abigail came in to try and talk to you, but it was like you were in a whole different world."

Uh oh. Fuck. He's got you there. You didn't even know Charles had come in, let alone Abigail.

"Have you ever had to love someone from a distance Charles?" You asked weakly. You finally lifted your head enough to meet his eyes.

"No." Charles said with a sigh. "But I can't imagine it's a great feeling."

"It's not." You said with a sniffle. "Not at all."

"Can I ask who it is?" Charles asked you cautiously.

You let out a choked cry. You took a few deep shaky breaths, trying to keep yourself together. It was getting harder and harder by the second. God dammit Charles why do you have to care?

"Arthur." You whispered, wiping away the few tears that managed to escape your eyes. "It's Arthur."

Charles didn't say anything, he only nodded. So you kept talking.

"He was so kind to me when I first started riding with you. We got on real well too." You said, finally starting to weep. Who cares anyways? "I started falling for him. Quick and hard, and could you blame me?"

"No, I was convinced he was sweet on you." Charles admitted. Though all it did was send more tears floding out of your eyes.

"He'd bring me coffee in the mornings. We'd talk. He always said Hi to me at the very least when we crossed paths." You said softly. "And he made sure I was eatin'- I mean you know how I was when I first got here."

"Always sick and thin as paper." Charles said grimly, having been on of the few people that helped take care of you during that hard time.

"Neither of us sleep very well, he'd come find me or I'd go find him. We had such nice talks on those nights, he opened up to me. Like really, really opened up to me. And I opened up to him too." You continued, your cries becoming harder and your voice rising.

"I don't know what I did!" You cried. "But one day it all just stopped! He wouldn't talk to me, he hasn't even looked me in the eyes Charles! I don't know what's wrong with me! I just want to love him!"

"Oh (Name)..." Charles started, but you cut him off.

"He deserves so much Charles!" You sobbed. "He is such a good man, no matter what he says when he looks in the mirror! I just want to love him, he doesn't even need to love me back! Do you know how pathetic that is? How disgustingly pathetic I am to love him like this!?"

You inhaled and exhaled at a frantic pace, running your hands over your tear soaked face. It was too much. You couldn't breathe. You wrapped your arms around yout face and buried yourself in your knees. Charles rushed to your side, kneeling down next to you. He placed both his hands on your shoulders and just stayed there, giving you something to hang onto. Keeping you grounded.

You finally lifted your head and met Charles's eyes, only to find them already locked on you.

"I just want to love him. T-that is all I w-want." You managed to get out between sobs. "And now I've lost m-my chance! I can't keep going like this Charles! He's- he's been through so much. That poor man has suffered and s-suffered and I just want t-to make him feel like he deserves something!"

"Arthur-"

"Needs me! And I need him to need me because look how badly I need him! If he doesn't love me the-then what am I supposed to do?!"

You broke apart, sobbing harder than you were before. Probably harder than you have ever cried in your life. Charles caught you, and he wrapped his arms around you. He let you sob and scream into his chest until you couldn't breathe.

"I just want a chance I just want a chance! I want to know what I did wrong!" Was all you could say, over and over again. Charles rocked you back and fourth, letting you cry yourself out. It took at least an hour, but eventually your cries had lulled to a stop.

Once your breath had returned to normal, Charles spoke.

"I'm going to go get Miss Roberts and Miss Gaskill. They'll take care of you. I'm going to talk to Arthur, don't you worry about this for another second." Charles said soothingly. It was all you could do to nod a yes at him. He pulled away from you, but right as he was about to reach the door you called out for him.

"Why are you being so kind to me?" You asked horsely. Charles looked back at you and gave you a small smile.

"First of all, I like you. Quite a bit, your a good person (Name)." He said simply. "And secondly, you haven't moved from that spot for over a day and you haven't even noticed. Someone needed to do something."

And with that, he left. You sat in silence until Abigail and Mary-Beth showed up. They tried to talk with you but you didn't have the strength to even reply to them. They accepted this, and helped you to your room and laid you down in your cot.

You laid there for what felt like hours, completely lost in thought.

"Glad to see your feelin' better, Miss." Arthur said, handing you a tin cup filled with scalding hot coffee. You took it gratefully.

"Thank you, Mr. Morgan." You said with a smile. "I've got to say I'm liking your company more and more each morning you visit me."

"Oh don't be too flattered, your jus' the only one up as early as me." Arthur said with a smirk, playfully elbowing you in the side. You chucked and hoped Arthur didn't see the blush spreading across your face.

"Well a girl can dream!" You said, that same flirty smirk crossing your face.

"Arthur! I need to talk to you!" Dutch called.

Arthur groaned in annoyance. He turned to leave, but at the last moment he turned back. He grabbed your hand and squeezed it.

"Meet me at the campfire tonight. We never get t' talk without gettin' bothered." Arthur said. You nodded your head happily as he turned to leave, running of to do whatever the hell Dutch wanted him for.

You felt yourself smiling at the memory, even if it was just a weak one.

That night at the campfire was the first of many, you two met every night you could. And that was when you truly began to fall for Arthur, those nights by the burnt out campfire. The last night it happened, you told him about your life before joining the gang, and why you were so sick when you first arrived.

"No one in my family was right." You said with a deep sigh. "My daddy hung himself in our living room right before my mama had me. And since then she just never had any happy in her head."

"Jesus.." Arthur mumbled. "Was your Mama good t'you, at least?"

"Pfft, no!" You said with a laugh. You took another swig of whiskey from the bottle Arthur stole from Pearson for you. "Beat me halfway to hell every other day. I think she had some disease. Think I might have it too, honest to god."

"D'ya really think that?" Arthur asked, taking a swig of his own whiskey bottle.

"I jus' get so low sometimes.. Not enough happy in my own head." You said sadly. "Not something I can really help, but it happens. Part of the reason I was so sick when I first got here, that and being out in the elements."

"What a woman you are, Miss. (Name)!" Arthur said with a laugh. "Survivin' yer' Mama, survivin' runnin' away into the wild, and survivn' yourself!"

Arthur and you spent a lot of time talking about your past life that night, so much time you had finished that whole bottle of whiskey. Bittersweet tears filled your eyes as you remembered what happened next.

You stood up from the ground, and wobbled your way over Arthur and poked him in the chest.

"Tell me, Mr. Morgan!" You slurred. "What have you survivedddd?"

"Oh sweetheart, we ain't got time for that tonight." He said, shaking his head at your drunken boldness.

"Pleaseeee Arthurr??" You whined, a wrong step sending you tumbling down into his lap. He wrapped his arms around you instinctively, and you smiled happily. It was a giddy childlike smile that Arthur would never forget.

Arthur had no idea what possessed him to do so, but he gulped down the last of his whiskey and started talking.

"My mama died when I was real young..." Arthur said, his voice going quiet. "My daddy was a thief, a petty one at that.. Wasn't even a real father. He wasn't good t'me at all. The lawmen got him when I was jus' eleven."

" 'M so sorry Arthur..." You said, wrapping your arms around him and hugging him tight. He rested his chin on your head and returned the hug, god it was so nice to be held like this. To be able to feel freely.

Arthur had no clue why he was so drawn to you from the very start, but ever since he first laid his eyes on you he couldn't get enough. He knew he was a goner, but he'd be lying if he said the thought didn't terrify him. Hell, sitting here like this with you terrified him! But even with the fear in the back of his mind, he could feel the whiskey clouding his thoughts and what little remained of the walls he so constantly put up crumbling.

Arthur went on about his family for a bit, and then told you all about getting taken on by Dutch and Hosea. He told you about what a deliquent he was, told you about when they brought John in. And Miss. Tilly. Then he told you all about a girl named Mary Linton, and about the love they used to share. You listened intently to every word, even in your drunken state. You prayed to whatever god above that you remembered this all tomorrow.

"I had a boy once." Arthur said, after a long stretch of silence. "His name was Issac. He passed on, though."

"Oh Arthur." You whispered, finding his hand and holding it tight. "I'm so sorry!"

"Some bastards killed him 'nd his Mama. Eliza." Arthur said, his voice breaking. "Shot 'em. All for a measly ten dollars."

"What is wrong with this world.." You murmred. Arthur just shook his head.

"I wasn't there f'him much. I shoulda been a better father to my little boy..." Arthur mumbled, his words starting to slur. "I was good to them when I was 'round, but that doesn't make up for nothin'. I'm a horrible person, (Name)."

You sat up, moving your legs around Arthur so you were straddling him. You grabbed his face in your hands, forcing him to look you in the eyes.

"Did you love his Mama? Did you treat her well?" You asked fiercely.

Arthur nodded his head frantically. The change in you startled him.

"Did you play with your boy? Did you hold him? Did you tell him stories, or sing him to sleep?" You pressed on, even with the tears forming in Arthur's eyes.

"Y-Yes!" Arthur said, stumbling over his words. "He was small, but he still liked to run. He liked being held-"

Arthur stopped, a strangled cry escaping his throat. You took your hands off of Arthur's face and wrapped both of your arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms back around you, burying his face in your hair and neck. Arthur thought that he should want to leave, but he realized he'd rather be buried alive then leave your arms right now.

"His favorite was 'Hush Little Baby'" Arthur said softly, you could feel the tears falling from his eyes now. "I was so happy to sing it to him the last time I...."

You sat up- which scared the wits out of Abigail and Mary-Beth-and covered your eyes. Trying to block out the image of what came soon after that.

The comfort you brought Arthur. The way he held your face in his hands. The kiss, so passionate. You both tasted of lust, whiskey, and pain. It was a fiery mix of emotions that sent you both stumbling into his cot and ripping off each other's clothes.

And then he wanted nothing to do with you.

"Honey? What's wrong?!" Abigail said, she wrapped her arm around you and Mary-Beth took your hands off of your face and held them.

Charles had given them a brief explanation of what had happened, but they were anxious for him to get back. They wanted to know what Arthur had to do with you being in an absolute state. They sent each other worried glances.

"When will Charles be back?" You asked with a sniffle. You leaned into Abigail and held Mary-Beth's hands tighter.

"Shouldn't be much longer, I promise honey." Abigail said.

"Want to tell us what's wrong?" Mary-Beth asked softly, she was testing the waters.

You looked between your two friends, and smiled weakly. God, you loved them so much.

"Okay."

»»———-　　———-««

"Arthur? Are you here?" Charles called out before going right into Arthur's room.

Charles found Arthur sitting on the edge of his cot. He was reading a letter.

"What is it, Charles?" Arthur said, still not looking up from the paper in his hands. Arthur didn't even seem like he was listening to Charles.

"Put that down. I need to talk to you." Charles said, his voice becoming more serious.

Arthur re-read the words written on the paper one last time before looking up at Charles.

'Arthur, please tell me whatever I did. I just want to talk to you again. Please, just talk to me whenever you read this. Your true friend, (Name)'

"You know, (Name) isn't doing good. She's been sitting in the corner of her room, curled up. Not moving, not talking. Nothing." Charles said simply.

Arthur's eyes widened, but he didn't say anything. Charles continued.

"I sat there with her for hours, and she didn't move a muscle. I watched Abigail come in and try and talk to her, but it was like she was talking to a wall." Charles said. "And that was after Molly had tried to talk to her for hours the night before. She's the one who came and got me."

"Is..is she alright?" Arthur asked, his nerves evident in his voice. He knew this was his fault. He could feel it in his bones. Oh god, he was a fucking idiot,

"No! She's not alright!" Charles snapped. "She barely even looks human! When I finally got through to her all she could do was cry! And she was crying about you!"

"No.." Arthur said softly. "Where is she now? I need to go see her-"

"You can go see her when we're done here." Charles said sternly. "Arthur, did you know she was in love with you?"

Arthur ran a hand over his face. Oh great, now he'd really done it.

'I'm such a piece of shit..' Arthur thought to himself. 'God.. Oh my god..'

"No." Arthur said. "I jus' thought... I don't know what I thought! I jus' didn't think she loved me."

"I just want to love him. He doesn't even need to love me back." Charles said with a sigh. "That's what she said to me, while she was sobbing so hard she couldn't breathe. And then 'I just want a chance! I want to know what I did wrong!'"

"I get yer' point!" Arthur shouted. "Jesus christ..."

"She's broken. Between having to be here, the whole mess in Blackwater and you completely disregarding her, she is broken." Charles said.

"I KNOW GOD DAMMIT I GET IT!" Arthur shouted, standing up from his cot. Charles stood firm, crossing his arms over his chest. He had said his part, now it was Arthur's turn to speak.

"Does.. Does she really love me?" Arthur asked weakly, taking off his hat and running his hands through his hair. Charles nodded. " I thought she was just' sweet on me a little bit, I thought I was jus' sweet on her.."

"Do you feel different now?" Charles asked. When he joined this gang, he never expected this would be the role he took on. Oh well.

Arthur stilled for a moment. He knew how he felt about you. But how could he even say it out loud, knowing how love had turned out for him in the past?

Mary had to leave him. Her father hated him because of his life as an outlaw.

His love for Eliza and his child only got them shot.

How could he condemn you, someone who has suffered and suffered, to a life with him? He wanted nothing more than to make you feel loved, protected, and cared for. He wanted to hold you like he did that night, to keep you close. To kiss away all your pain and never let you feel like you don't deserve it. Because you deserved the world, Arthur just didn't think he could give it to you.

And he was scared. He was so scared, so instead of being a decent fucking human he ran. And now look at what he did to you. Sent you right back to that dark part of your mind where you never wanted to be stuck in again.

"Yes." Arthur said finally. "But, how could I even try anythin' with her? I don't want nothin' happening to her cause of me! She deserves so much more than I can give her!"

"Arthur, I don't think you understand." Charles said with a deep sigh. "She doesn't want more! She isn't expecting anything of you! All she wants is. you."

"Why does this matter to you anyways! Who are you, t'come in here and talk t'me about this!" Arthur spat. "You have no right-"

"Yes I do!" Charles said, his voice rising. "I took care of (Name) when she first joined us, so I'll continue to take care of her now! She can't function! She needs you, Arthur! And I have a feeling you need her too."

Arthur stood there, glaring at Charles. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to scream foul things at him, for getting into his head like that. But he also wanted to thank him. For being there for you while he failed miserably.

"Figure it out. And then you go see her." Charles said coolly. "Don't go see her like this, she's not strong enough."

Charles left, Arthur's cold stare practically ushering them out the door. Arthur stood there for a few more moments, not really knowing what to do with himself. Charles had sent his mind reeling.

He knows what he wants to do. He wants to go to you, hold you, kiss you, tell you how sorry he is. Tell you that he loved you so much but he got scared, and instead of facing it like a man he ran like a boy. He never wanted to hurt you, but look how bad you were hurting now!

You loved him. And he loved you, but Arthur ran away and now would you ever be able to forgive him? He hadn't even told you he loved you! Arthur was sure he had already ruined everything. Not to mention the two of you slept together, which Arthur didn't even know if you knew it happned or not you were both so god damn drunk!

Arthur sat down and sighed. He took out the letter you left for him to find. He read it again, only this time he stopped over a certain line.

"Just talk to me."

It echoed in his mind. Arthur could practically hear your voice, begging him to talk to you. And he knew what he had to do. Arthur folded the letter up and placed it neatly in his pocket, before placing his hat back on his head. He made a beeline for the hut you were staying in with Molly.

»»———-　　———-««

You had just finished telling your sob story to Abigail and Mary-Beth when Charles returned, not even giving them a moment to react.

You didn't even look up at him when he came back, feeling so weak having to relive what happened with Arthur yet again.

"He's coming. I don't know when, he needed to collect himself. But he'll be here to see you, (Name)." Charles said softly. You nodded, reminding yourself to go and thank him properly when you were better.

"Miss Roberts, Miss Gaskill, please stay with her until Arthur gets here." Charles asked them. Of course they agreed. And then Charles left, god he needed a drink.

Abigail and Mary-Beth stay there with you, wrapped up in blankets in your cot. It was a comforting couple of minutes of silence before Arthur practically broke the door down and rushed into your room. Abigial and Mary-Beth said some hurried goodbyes to you before rushing out of the room.

You knew Arthur was there, but you couldn't look at him. You continued to lay down on your cot, wrapped up in blankets and facing the wall.

Arthur looked at you for a few moments, before taking a deep breath and starting to speak.

"(Name)" Arthur said softly. "Can I uh.. May I sit with you?"

You rolled over slowly, and forced yourself to meet Arthur's eyes. They looked just as broken as yours did when you looked in the mirror. You nodded yes weakly, and Arthur sat down on your cot next to you. He placed a hand on your shoulder, and you closed your eyes. Arthur saw the tears flowing from them.

"I'm so sorry honey." Arthur said with a shaky sigh. "I should never have pushed you away like that."

"You fucked me." You spat, opening your eyes to look at him. "You fucked me! And then you wouldn't even look me in the eyes!"

"You know!?" Arthur gasped, completely shocked. He didn't think you were sober enough to remember what happened that night.

"I OPENED UP TO YOU ARTHUR!" You yelled, finding the strength in your anger to sit up in your bed. "I GOT CLOSE TO YOU- I LET YOU IN! YOU KNOW THINGS ABOUT ME KNOW ONE ELSE DOES!"

Before you even knew what you were doing, you got up and started pounding your fists against Arthur's back. He was caught off guard, so you got a couple solid punches in before he turned around and grabbed you by the wrists.

"You FUCKED ME! AND THEN YOU THREW ME TO THE SIDE LIKE SOME WHORE! YOU MADE ME LOVE YOU! AND ALL FOR WHAT!? ALL FOR WHAT ARTHUR MORGAN!? IS THAT ALL YOU WANTED FROM ME FROM THE START!?" You cried, not knowing when the shouting stopped and your tears began.

You fought to get your wrists out of Arthur's grasp. But he wouldn't let you go. In fact he held on to you tighter, pulling you firm against his chest. He wrapped his arms around you tight and without even knowing what he was doing started peppering your head with kisses.

You punched, you sobbed, you screamed, you fought like a bat outta hell trying to get out of his grasp. But Arthur wouldn't let you go. He took every hit, every foul name and every insult.

Eventually, your thrashing stopped. Your sobs turned into small shaky breathes, and instead of punching him your arms were wrapped around his neck and you crawled into his lap. Arthur started rocking you back and fourth, and was whispering comforting things in your ear.

"I didn't know you remembered.." Arthur said softly. "Honey.. I thought I took advantage of you. I didn't think you'd wanna sleep with me if you were sober."

Arthur felt you softly shaking your head, but you didn't speak. So Arthur kept talking.

"I never woulda' acted how I did if I had known you remembered that night." Arthur whispered. "And, I can't lie to ya' honey. I was afraid. I didn't feel worthy of somthin' like what we had going on. I wasn't thinkin' right- actually I don't think I was thinkin' at all."

"Do you love me?" You asked, your voice a broken whisper. "Arthur I have loved you from the first moment I saw you. You know just as well as I do that there is some type of connection between us that we didn't even spark ourselves. Everyone saw it happen before their very eyes."

Arthur looked down at you, and you were looking up at him already. You looked like a scared little girl, and it broke Arthur's heart. How could he have done this to you?

Arthur swallowed thickly. It was now or never. He was afraid, but his fear meant nothing. Nothing mattered when it came to you. Arthur couldn't bare to lose you, especially not like this.

"Yes." Arthur breathed out, a small chuckle leaving him. "God, I love you so much. Please forgive me f'being such a goddamn moron-"

Before Arthur could continue, you grabbed Arthur by his coat collar and pulled him down into a passionate kiss. Arthur moved his hands to cup your face, using his thumbs to wipe the tears that fell from your closed eyes.

You kissed until the both of you needed to pull away for air, and then Arthur kissed you again. He never thought he'd be able to feel your soft and loving lips against his own ever again, so he made sure to savor every moment.

Once you had both caught your breath, Arthur sat there. He held your face in his hands. The love in his eyes sent a blush to your cold and tear stained face.

"I love you (Name) (Last-name)." Arthur said, placing a gentle kiss to your forehead. "S'much. More than you'll ever know. More than I'll ever be able to show ya' sweetheart."

You let out an airy laugh, and for the first time in a long time you felt like you could breathe. Your chest wasn't heavy anymore and it felt like your heart was actually beating.

"But I sure as hell will try. Like you said, there is somethin' between us that's not even we could control." Arthur said softly. The smile on his face sent butterflies to your stomach. " 'M so sorry I made you feel so horrible. I'll do everythin' I can to make this right. To make us right, honey."

"It's okay.." You whispered. "It's not entirely your fault, y'know I'm sick anyway-"

"Which is another reason why I shoulda' been smarter!" Arthur said, his voice soft still but also firm. He pulled you into another hug. "I need to keep the happy inside your head."

"You remember that?" You gasped. You were deeply touched that he had remembered something so small.

"I'd have to be dead to forget any of the talks I've had with you sweetheart." Arthur said, his tone nothing but truthful. You smiled into his chest, his words made you feel like you were floating on a cloud.

You both sat there in a comfortable silence, Arthur gently rubbing your back and rocking you back and fourth. You had your eyes closed, listening to the steady beat of his heart. Arthur noticed a shift in your breathing, and he knew you had fallen asleep.

As quietly and comfortably as he could, Arthur shifted so that you were both laying down again. Arthur wrapped you up in a blanket and let out a content sigh. This felt so right. So perfect. He was still scared, but he couldn't let it keep him from you. It was better to be afraid with you, so you could learn and grow together, instead of pushing himself away and hurting the both of you.

"I'm gonna give you the world, my sweet girl. Jus' you wait and see.." Arthur whispered. He planted a kiss on the top of your head, before drifting off himself.

»»———-　　———-««

a/n: i hope you guys enjoy this! ive literally spent all my free time on it the past few days lol i got wayyy to invested into this, but are we suprised at this point??? Xx

#arthur morgan #rdr2 #rdr2 arthur #x reader #arthur morgan x reader #red dead fanfiction #red dead redemption 2 #angst with a happy ending #angst #arthur morgan x you #arthur morgan rdr2 #lots of angst #but also lots of love #arthur morgan angst #fic request #sad with a happy ending #sadnees #arthur morgan fanfiction

[followthebluebell]

Hey, have you been following the recent bird flu outbreak stuff? I am wanting to get some info re: how safe cats are going outdoors (IN A CATIO) while all this is going on. I have two senior cats who don’t/can’t leave my catio, but the ‘ceiling’ is uncovered (the walls are tall but since I rent I can’t have a “permanent structure” which means no roof) They’ve never caught a bird in three years of spending time out there, but there ARE lots of birds in the area, and I’ve just got a pop-up gazebo covering ~2/3 of it. I’m trying to figure out — should I keep them inside for their wellbeing? How risky is a catio? I’m planning on asking my vet her thoughts but if you or your followers have info that can help me decide too, I’d really appreciate it.

So, I find that a catio is pretty low risk. I've reblogged a few things about bird flu and have been following cases pretty closely since the initial outbreak in Poland.

Interestingly, most bird flu cases have been in dairy farms. I'm guessing that's partly because birds are just more likely to hang around farms in order to eat the grains being fed to the cows and because cows are contracting the virus and spreading it in their milk. Most cases are in Texas. With this info, it's fairly low risk to keep your cat on a catio for brief periods of time unless you've got lots of bird feeders around, as long as you're away from the known epicenters. Most birds won't hang around where there's no food.

Personally, I've brought my feral cats indoors for the summer because I don't think I'll be able to spot signs of disease in them early enough to keep them safe. I've also taken down the bird feeders at work to discourage them from hanging around.

But I am still taking my senior cats (Duck and Kara especially) out for little walks every day and most of my catios are staying open for my more easily treatable animals. My catios are mostly fully fenced. Small birds can still get in through the wiring on the largest playroom catio, so i can't deny that the risk exists.

It's worth knowing that I live fairly far from Texas, so I feel that, personally, the risk is lower. If you live closer to the epicenter, you may want to keep your cats indoors or only do supervised catio time to ensure birds stay away.

This is VERY much worth discussing with your vet, since they'll be more up to date on what's going on and what the risk factors are.

[perfectsunlight]

04 ━━━ YOU'RE LOSING ME

warnings: angst, swearing, overworking, strained marriage, divorce

word count: 5.6k

synopsis: your ex-wife receives an invite to your wedding, but will she let you say "i do" for a second time?

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after 5 years of being on the backburner, y/n knew she had enough of the marriage. 

you say, "i don't understand," and i say, "i know you don't"

we thought a cure would come through in time, now i fear it won't

the backroom that overlooked the skyline of the city was both her favorite and soyeon's favorite part of their home. soyeon especially loved it because of the lighting, especially during the sunset. when they bought the home, they turned it into a second living room. during the early days of their marriage, the two spent hours together watching movies or just simply having a glass of wine or two. nowadays, y/n used it as the perfect place to cry. 

remember lookin' at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light

now, i just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time

the curtains were always shut closed, never letting the light shine into the home. y/n didn’t want to do anything when she sat in that room. she didn’t know how long she spent there on a daily basis, but it was easily over an hour or two. the former idol would just sit in the darkness, listening to the hum of the air conditioning unit while she either sobbed or sat in silence. 

a marriage consisted of two people, so why did she feel so alone in her own?

she loved soyeon, and was well aware of the responsibilities that lingered over her head. however, her spouse was well into her career as a ceo now. the company was doing phenomenal, and soyeon had even hired an even more phenomenal staff team. there was no reason for soyeon to not be home anymore. 

do i throw out everything we built or keep it?

i'm getting tired even for a phoenix

y/n didn’t understand how her wife could not be bothered with being away from home for so long. the former idol even thought about pretending to go for an interview at soyeon’s company just so she could see her wife. 

of course, there were times where the younger girl went and showed up to surprise her wife with lunch or dinner. however, the ceo was always in a meeting or could only spare a few short minutes together while she was on a phone call.

in the beginning, it felt manageable. it felt tolerable. now, it was not any of those.

always risin' from the ashes

mendin' all her gashes

you might just have dealt the final blow

“you should see someone, maybe talk to a therapist about it?” yuqi said gently as she sipped her coffee across from the other girl. y/n had met up with her former groupmate for a quick coffee to get some fresh air and try and enjoy her day for once.

the married woman gently traced the top of her cup, staring at her reflection in the dark colored drink. “i don’t think it would help change my mind.” y/n said as she poked the inside of her cheek with her tongue.

yuqi's expression softened with concern. “y/n, it's not just about changing your mind. it's about finding clarity and peace for yourself. you deserve that at least.”

she sighed, feeling the weight of her thoughts pressing down on her. “i know, but sometimes it feels like no matter what i do, nothing will change.”the café was bustling with life around them, but the married woman felt detached from the vibrant energy. 

she had been running on empty for so long, and the thought of seeking professional help seemed both daunting and futile. 

“give it a try, at least,” yuqi urged gently. “you've been carrying this alone for too long.” y/n nodded slowly, dismissing what she already knew to be true. 

“i'll think about it.”

stop, you're losing me

“have you thought about marriage counseling?” the therapist across from her asked, shuffling through a pile of loose papers. she was an older woman, and from the ring on her finger, also married. y/n wondered if their marriage was anything like hers.

y/n fought the urge to roll her eyes at the question, but simply cleared her throat before answering.

“my wife won’t even come home for dinner, much less a counseling session.”

stop, you're losing me

thankfully, the therapist’s timer went off, signaling the end of their session. “i’ll see you next week,” she said as she stood and smiled. “try and practice what we suggested. meditation could help a lot.”

y/n drove home that afternoon feeling more heavy than she had going into the session. all her therapist suggested was to basically beg soyeon to come home or just try and ignore it, but of course in a “healthy” way.

“bullshit.” she muttered under her breath as she stopped at a red light. glancing at her surroundings, she noticed a building straight ahead of her. it was a divorce lawyers office. 

divorce. the word used to terrify her. now, not so much.

stop, you're losing me

y/n gripped the steering wheel tightly, her knuckles turning white as she stared at the sign for the divorce lawyer’s office. the idea of divorce had once seemed impossible, an admission of failure. it meant that she would be alone, permanently. 

however, it couldn’t feel too different from the way she felt right now.

the red light turned green, and instead of driving past, she made a spontaneous decision and turned into the parking lot. she sat in the car for a few moments, taking deep breaths to calm her racing heart. this was it. the first step toward reclaiming her life. 

with a final resolute breath, she got out of the car and walked toward the entrance. the receptionist greeted her warmly, and without thinking, y/n blurted out the first words that came to her mind.

“i think i need to get a divorce.”

i can't find a pulse

my heart won't start anymore for you

within minutes, she was seated in an office, speaking with a lawyer who listened intently to her story. “divorce is never easy,” the man said gently. “but it sounds like you’ve been dealing with this for a long time. we can help you navigate this process and find a resolution that works for you.” 

she scheduled a follow-up appointment to discuss the next steps and left the office with a packet of information, feeling a strange sense of serenity. as she drove home, the weight on her shoulders felt a little lighter. 

she was no longer waiting for soyeon to change.

'cause you're losing me

the next morning, y/n stayed in bed just a bit longer. soyeon’s faint scent still lingered on the sheets, and she felt her heart ache with every inhale. 

she didn’t know when she started crying. maybe it was when she fell asleep. maybe it was when she woke up. 

y/n missed her wife. she missed feeling loved. she missed being a priority. weren’t all marriages supposed to be a priority? why wasn’t hers?

the former idol stayed in bed, staring at the ceiling, her mind swirling with memories of better times. she remembered their wedding day, the laughter, the promises she and soyeon made to each other. 

how did their marriage end up like this? 

as the morning light filtered through the curtains, y/n knew she couldn't stay in bed forever. she needed to get up, to face the reality of her decision. slowly, she pulled herself out of bed, her movements sluggish and heavy. the woman glared at the framed photo of their wedding day as she made her way to the kitchen where she prepared a cup of coffee. the usual routine brought her a small measure of comfort.

sitting at the kitchen table, she opened the packet of information from the lawyer's office. the paperwork seemed daunting, but she reminded herself that this was a necessary step. each form she filled out, each line she signed, was a step toward freedom from this feeling.

every mornin', i glared at you with storms in my eyes

how can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying?

the day dragged on, each minute feeling like an hour. y/n tried to distract herself by cleaning the house, re-organizing closets, and doing anything to keep her mind occupied. 

but no matter what she did, thoughts of soyeon lingered, and the emptiness in her chest refused to go away.

in the afternoon, she decided to take a walk. she thought the fresh air might help clear her mind. she put on her shoes and stepped outside, feeling the air on her face. the neighborhood was ambient, but quiet, and as she walked, she let her thoughts drift.

she remembered the early days of their relationship, the late-night talks, the shared dreams. they had been so in sync, so in love. when did things start to go wrong? when had they started to drift apart?

y/n walked to a nearby park and sat on a bench, watching children play and couples walk by hand in hand. she felt a pang of envy, wishing she could go back to those simpler times. but she knew that wasn't possible. she had waited around long enough. 

the only way forward was to accept the reality of her situation and move on.

i sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick

my face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick

soyeon returned home early that night. y/n sat in front of the dark tv, watching some american sitcom from the 70’s. there were no more tears left. she had nothing left to give soyeon, or their marriage.

“hi honey,” the ceo said as she set her things down by the shelf near the front door. “did you eat dinner already?” y/n was surprised the woman wasn’t on a phone call or busy rushing to grab her plate and run back to her office. 

“i finally got to go home early today, but there’s a monthly evaluation tomorrow that i’ll need to attend.”

soyeon said as she walked over to the couch, a bit confused with her wife’s silence. y/n didn't immediately respond, her eyes fixed on the tv but not really watching it. she felt soyeon's presence beside her, the weight of the unspoken words hanging heavily in the air.

“i didn't eat dinner,” y/n finally said, her voice void of emotion. she turned to face soyeon, seeing the confusion and concern in her eyes. all soyeon could see was someone that looked like the shell of her wife.

“we need to talk.”

soyeon's expression shifted, a flicker of worry crossing her features. "what is it, baby? are you feeling alright?” the older woman stuck her hand out to touch y/n’s forehead, but her wife simply moved her hand down.

“i’m fine,” taking a deep breath, y/n steadied herself. “we need to talk about us.”

soyeon's eyes widened, and she sat down heavily on the couch. whispers of her fears started to speak in her mind, and she felt a pit in her stomach forming at just the thought of where this conversation was headed.

“what are you saying?”

and the air is thick with loss and indecision

i know my pain is such an imposition

the former idol swallowed hard, the lump in her throat making it difficult to speak. “i’m saying that i can’t keep going like this. we’ve been drifting apart for a long time, and it’s not getting any better. i feel invisible.”

the ceo’s face paled. she opened her mouth to respond, but no words came out. she simply looked at y/n, her eyes filled with a mixture of confusion and hurt. “invisible? how can you say that? i’ve been working so hard for us, for our future.”

y/n shook her head slowly, feeling a wave of sadness wash over her. “but what about our present? what about the time we’re supposed to be spending together now? you’re never here, and when you are, it’s like you’re not really with me.”

tears welled up in soyeon’s eyes. “but i thought you understood. i thought you supported me. this job, it’s important. for both of us.” she couldn’t imagine her wife thinking she was out doing nothing. everything soyeon did was for y/n.

the other woman’s voice softened, but her resolve remained firm. “i do support you. i’m proud of everything you’ve accomplished. but somewhere along the way, we lost each other. and i don’t know how to find our way back.”

now, you're runnin' down the hallway

and you know what they all say

“then let’s try and find our way back,” soyeon reached over and placed her hand on her wife’s thigh. “i can switch schedules and make more time to be home. it’s just been so busy with the new group debuting soon, and–”

“soyeon.”

y/n gently placed her hand over soyeon’s, her eyes filled with a mix of sorrow and determination. “we’ve been saying we’ll find time for us for years now. every time there’s a new project, a new deadline, and every time i’m left waiting. i can’t keep waiting.”

the ceo’s grip on y/n’s thigh tightened slightly, a desperate plea in her eyes. “baby, please. just give me one more chance. i’ll make it right, i promise. i’ll prioritize us. anything you want to do, we can do it. just name it.”

y/n simply shook her head and motioned to the stack of papers on the coffee table. soyeon’s heart dropped when she made out the faint words at the top. the silence in the room was deafening. 

you don't know what you got until it's gone

“no, i can’t lose you.” soyeon fell to her knees as she grabbed both of y/n’s hands, her own trembling. “please, y/n, don’t do this. we can still fix it. i can still fix it.”

y/n's eyes welled up with tears as she looked down at her wife. she wished she had it in her to believe her, but she didn’t. 

“i’m not happy anymore, soyeon.”

soyeon’s tears fell freely now, her face a mask of anguish. “but i love you. i don’t know how to do this without you.”

stop, you're losing me

y/n knelt down beside her, taking her hands in hers. “i love you too. but love isn’t enough when we’re both hurting. this isn’t what love is supposed to be.”

something in her wife’s expression was a mix of desperation and frustration seeping through her tears. “so you’re just going to walk away? just like that? after everything we’ve been through?”

the former idol's jaw clenched, her own frustration bubbling to the surface. y/n knew soyeon wouldn’t take this lightly. “i’ve been trying to make this work for years. i’ve been patient, i’ve been understanding, but nothing changes. you’re always too busy, always putting everything else before us, before me.”

“that's not fair!” soyeon snapped, standing up abruptly. “you know how hard this has been for me, too? you knew i had responsibilities.”

stop, you're losing me

“responsibilities?” y/n snapped, rising to her feet. “what about your responsibility to our marriage? to me? i’ve felt like a ghost in this goddamn house, soyeon.”

“of course i noticed!” soyeon yelled, her voice breaking. “do you think this is easy for me? i’ve done everything for you, for us! do you think it was easy for me to stay away? i had no choice.”

y/n’s eyes flashed with anger. “don’t you dare turn this around on me. i’ve been supportive, i’ve been there for you, i have been the only participant in this marriage for the past 5 years.”

soyeon's face flushed with guilt. she was well aware of her shortcomings in her matrimony, but to be confronted with them like this? it hurt, and she didn’t like it.

“you think i don’t know that? you think i wanted things to be like this? it’s my job to keep the company running well. but i work my ass off for us, for our future!” she

the younger woman let out a bitter laugh. “our future? what future, soyeon? the one where i keep waiting for you to come home, where i’m always second to your job?”

stop, you're losing me

the shorter woman’s emotions boiled over, her voice trembling with anger. “you're being selfish, y/n! you don't understand the pressure i'm under, the sacrifices i've had to make.”

“you can add our marriage to that list of sacrifices,” y/n's hissed, her own anger flaring. “and what of the sacrifices i've made? do you think it's easy for me to sit at home, alone, while you're out there, building your empire?”

“i never asked you to sacrifice anything”" soyeon shot back, her voice rising. “you chose to stay at home, to support me from the sidelines. don't act like it's my fault. you chose this.”

i can't find a pulse

my heart won't start anymore

for you

“you're right, i did choose to support you. but i didn't choose to be neglected, or to feel like i'm nothing more than an afterthought in your life.” y/n whispered, frustrated tears now falling from her own eyes. 

the shorter girl ran a hand through her hair as she started pacing. “i've never neglected you, y/n! i've always put us first, even if you don't see it.”

y/n scoffed, her voice dripping with bitterness. “putting us first? is that what you call it? because from where i'm standing, it looks like you're putting everything else first—your job, your career, your ambitions.”

soyeon whipped around, jaw clenched and patience wearing thin. “i'm doing what i have to do to provide for us, but all you seem to care about is what i'm not doing for you.”

'cause you're losing me

'cause you're losing me

y/n sat back down on the couch, holding her head in her hands. there was no way she could help her wife see her point of view. she didn’t know what else to say. it was never going to work, they were never going to work anymore.

“y/n,” soyeon whispered as she picked up the divorce papers. “why is this already filled out?” 

the mentioned woman looked up, eyes burning with frustration and hurt. “because i’m done, soyeon.”

soyeon's grip tightened on the divorce papers, her voice trembling with a mixture of anger and desperation. “and what about me, y/n? what about my feelings? you act like i don't care, like i don't try, but i do! i do everything i can to make this work, and it's never enough!”

stop (stop) 'cause you're losing me

y/n's jaw clenched as she fought to hold back her tears. “for the millionth time, it's not about the sacrifices, soyeon. it's about the fact that i'm always second best to your job.”

the ceo’s eyes flashed with confusion and frustration. “but i have to work, y/n! i have responsibilities, i have people depending on me. i can't just drop everything all the time because you're feeling neglected!”

“well maybe if you actually made an effort to be here once in a while, i wouldn't feel neglected!" y/n shot back, her voice rising with each word. “maybe if you put half as much effort into our marriage as you do into your career, we wouldn't be in this mess!”

the room fell silent, the weight of their words hanging heavy in the air. soyeon's hands shook as she looked down at the divorce papers, her heart torn between her love for y/n and her commitment to her career. 

she knew that something had to change, but she didn't know if she was ready to let go of everything she had worked so hard for. her company was a growing superpower in the entertainment industry. but y/n was the love of her life.

my heart won't start anymore ('cause you're losing me)

my heart won't start anymore ('cause you're losing me)

“i have a follow-up appointment with the divorce lawyers on monday.” y/n whispered, reaching for a nearby tissue from the coffee table. “they’ll let us know what the next steps will be.”

“no.” soyeon said as she shook her head. “i thought both parties had to agree to a divorce. i don’t agree.”

y/n's heart sank at soyeon's words, a mix of frustration and disbelief washing over her. “you don't agree?” she repeated, her voice barely above a whisper. “you’ve seen me suffering for the past 5 years, and you have the nerve to say you don’t agree?”

how long could we be a sad song

'til we were too far gone to bring back to life?

soyeon's expression softened, her eyes pleading for understanding. "y/n, i know i've made mistakes, but i still believe we can work through this. we can't just throw away everything we've built together."

“tell me,” y/n's frustration bubbled over, her voice tinged with bitterness. "what have we built, soyeon?” the older girl fell silent at her wife’s words, simply racking her brain to try and find the right words to say. 

i gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy

and all i did was bleed as i tried to be the bravest soldier

the ceo’s silence only added fuel to y/n’s emotional fire. “in the five years that we have been married, what have we built together? you’ve built an empire, all for yourself. and i have built myself a prison in this marriage.”

“i’ve cooked you dinners that you don't eat, i’ve dealt with missed anniversaries and forgotten dates. i feel more like a maid for you than i do a wife.” y/n continued, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands. 

soyeon looked like her heart had just been pierced a million times. she had nothing to defend herself with. she knew her wife was right, even if she didn’t want to admit it.

“and all i ever got was nothing. crumbs of your love and time at the most. but a marriage cannot survive off of crumbs.” y/n added, watching as soyeon went back to pacing.

“and let’s not act like this isn’t the first fight we’ve gotten into about this,” she added while glancing at the time on the clock. “there was the time you deliberately ignored me.”

soyeon's pacing slowed as she listened to y/n's words, her chest tightening with each painful truth laid bare. she knew she had failed her wife in more ways than one, and the weight of her guilt threatened to consume her.

but as y/n spoke of their past fights, soyeon's mind flashed back to one particular memory—an argument that had shaken the very foundation of their marriage.

"i remember," soyeon whispered, her voice heavy with regret. "i remember that fight."

fighting in only your army

frontlines, don't you ignore me

“soyeon!” y/n hissed as she slammed her palms down on the ceo’s desk to force her to look at her. “you can’t just ignore me for 3 days because you don’t like the conversation.”

the air crackled with tension as y/n's words hung heavy in the room, each syllable laden with hurt and frustration. she watched as soyeon's expression hardened, her features tightening with annoyance at being interrupted.

but y/n refused to back down. she needed to make her understand, to bridge the growing chasm between them before it widened beyond repair. 

"please, soyeon," y/n implored, her voice softening slightly as she met her wife's gaze. "i know you're busy, but we need to talk about this. i can't keep feeling like i'm invisible to you."

soyeon's jaw tensed, her frustration evident in the way she clenched her fists at her sides. “i didnt want to miss our date," she finally admitted, her voice tinged with defensiveness. “but you know how important this meeting is for the company. i couldn't just cancel it.”

y/n's heart sank at the admission, the sting of disappointment cutting deep. she knew soyeon's dedication to her work was unwavering, but it didn't make the hurt any less painful. “i understand, i do,” y/n replied, her voice trembling with emotion. “but that doesn't change how i feel. i need you to be there for me, too.”

soyeon's gaze softened slightly, a flicker of remorse crossing her features. “i'm sorry, y/n,” she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. “i need to go now, i have a meeting in 5.”

i'm the best thing at this party

(you're losing me)

“then there was the christmas party.”

soyeon’s annual company party was full of glitz and glamor, with the elite of the entertainment industry gracing the event with their presence. it was a night that soyeon looked forward to every year, an opportunity to network and showcase her company's ever growing success.

but for y/n, it was a different story. she had always felt like an outsider at these events, despite being a former idol herself. she was surrounded by unfamiliar faces and forced to navigate the social intricacies of the new entertainment world on her own. 

and this year was no different.

as the party buzzed with laughter and music, y/n found herself standing alone in a sea of faces, watching as soyeon worked the room with effortless charm. she had hoped that this year would be different, that soyeon would make an effort to include her in the festivities. but as the night wore on, it became clear that she was once again on the sidelines, forgotten and ignored.

when her ceo wife finally approached her, it was only to offer a brief apology before disappearing into the crowd once more. and as y/n watched her mingle with the guests, a sense of loneliness washed over her, a reminder of the gaping divide between them.

“you promised me that we would do this together,” y/n continued, her voice tinged with bitterness as she recalled the events of that fateful night. “but instead, you left me stranded, alone in a room full of strangers. again.”

soyeon's expression softened at the accusation, a flicker of guilt crossing her features. “i didn't mean to leave you behind,” she insisted, her voice laced with regret. “i just had to make sure i made a good impression with the investors, they’re the best thing to happen to the company.”

‘but i’m supposed to be the best thing to happen to you’ was what y/n wanted to argue with. however, for the sake of the night, she bit her tongue.

and i wouldn't marry me either

a pathological people pleaser

“you’re serving me with divorce papers and telling me everything is my fault?” the ceo scoffed, disbelief and hurt in her eyes. “you’re putting all the blame on me?”

y/n rose to her feet quickly. “yes because i’m not the one who is putting us second.”

silence passed for a few beats, and y/n could see anger swirling in her wife’s irises. “you know what?” soyeon hissed before slamming the papers onto the coffee table. 

“i should’ve never married you.”

who only wanted you to see her

and i'm fadin', thinkin'

but as the words hung in the air, a heavy silence settled between them, suffocating the room with its weight. y/n's heart sank at soyeon's admission, the pain of rejection cutting deep into her soul. if there wasn’t a final straw before, this surely was it.

“you don't mean that,” y/n whispered, her voice barely above a whisper as she struggled to hold back her tears. “you can't mean that.”

but soyeon remained silent, her gaze fixed on the floor as she wrestled with her own emotions. and in that moment, y/n felt the walls closing in around her, trapping her in a suffocating embrace of heartache and despair.

“i should've never married you,” soyeon repeated, her voice hollow and empty as she spoke the words aloud again for a second time. and as the reality of their crumbling marriage washed over them, y/n couldn't help but wonder if they had ever stood a chance at happiness in the first place.

"do something, babe, say something" (say something)

“then there truly is no reason for us to be married any longer.” y/n finally said with a shaky breath, tears falling from her eyes freely. deep down, part of her screamed at her wife. she wanted soyeon to fall to her knees and try and fix it, to leave the company for her and the sake of their marriage.

"lose something, babe, risk something" (you're losing me)

soyeon wiped her own eyes and turned her back to the younger woman. y/n watched her face forward again after a few moments, emotions at an all time high.

with trembling hands of anger and hurt, the ceo reached for the divorce papers on the coffee table, her heart heavy with sorrow. she picked up the pen and signed her name on the dotted line, officially agreeing to a mutual separation.

however, she couldn't shake the feeling that she was signing away not just their marriage, but a piece of her own soul.

"choose something, babe, i got nothing (got nothing) to believe, unless you're choosin' me"

“i’ll sleep in the guest room. just leave by monday night.” soyeon said bitterly, leaving her pen on the table while y/n sat with her head in her hands once more. to see her wife’s name on that paper was what she did want, but not like this.

this hurt more than asking for the divorce in the first place.

soyeon left the room without a second glance, leaving behind an atmosphere heavy with unspoken regrets and shattered hearts. the younger girl sat in silence, the weight of their failed marriage pressing down on her shoulders like a suffocating blanket.

as the sound of soyeon's footsteps faded into the distance, y/n couldn't help but feel a sense of profound loss wash over her. 

you're losing me

she had thought that by taking this step, she would find some measure of closure, some semblance of peace. but now, all she felt was emptiness.

with a heavy heart, y/n rose from her seat and made her way to the guest room, the weight of the moment hanging heavily in the air. she knew that their marriage was over, that there was no going back now. 

but as she settled into bed, surrounded by the echoes of their broken promises, she couldn't help but wonder what might have been. what their life would've looked like if her soon to be ex-wife had put the relationship before her career.

stop (stop, stop), you're losing me

what y/n didn’t know was that soyeon regretted signing that paper immediately after she did it. 

the ceo tossed and turned in her own bed, haunted by the memory of signing her name on those divorce papers. the weight of her decision bore down on her, suffocating her with remorse and regret.

as she lay there in the darkness, she couldn't shake the feeling that she had made a terrible mistake. the realization hit her like a tidal wave, flooding her with a sense of panic and desperation. she had been so consumed by her career, so blinded by her ambitions, that she had failed to see what truly mattered. 

and now, faced with the prospect of losing the love of her life, she felt a profound sense of loss wash over her.

stop (stop, stop), you're losing me

but as the hours passed and the night wore on, soyeon found herself grappling with a difficult truth. no matter how much she regretted her decision, no matter how desperately she wished she could turn back time, she knew that some mistakes were irreversible.

with a heavy heart and tears in her eyes, soyeon whispered a silent prayer into the darkness. she didn’t care who was listening, or if no deity was listening at all.

“please,” she heaved out. “let me fix this.”

she knew that despite her deepest desires, some wounds could never fully heal. and as the first light of dawn painted the sky, she realized that her chance to salvage their marriage had slipped through her fingers.

her denial crumbled the moment she saw y/n had left her wedding ring on the counter. 

i can't find a pulse

with a heavy heart, soyeon accepted the painful truth: she had lost y/n, perhaps forever. and though the regret weighed heavily upon her, she knew that she had to accept the consequences of her actions.

y/n had only lost a marriage that wasn’t benefiting her. it was the best thing for her at the time. soyeon had lost the love of her life. it was the worst thing she could have ever experienced.

in the end, both women were left grappling with the consequences of their choices. y/n had found freedom, while soyeon remained trapped in the prison of her own making. 

and as they each navigated their separate paths, they couldn't help but wonder if they would ever find their way back to one another.

my heart won't start anymore

a/n: pretend i posted this months ago...

#jeon soyeon #song yuqi #gidle series #gidle #soyeon x reader #gidle x reader #original series #angst #kpop #wlw #gxg #i do #perfectsunlight

[sissylittlefeather]

Your Love's Been a Long Time Coming: The End

A/N: My heart, y'all. I can't believe this is over. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this last chapter for Elvis and Vivian. If there's enough demand, I'll write more of them happily ever after, but otherwise, here it is: the end. Please let me know your thoughts in the comments. I love to hear from you!

Need to read the rest? Masterlist here.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI! Kissing, cussing, fingering, oral sex (m&f receiving), p in v penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie

Word count: ~3k

"Are you?!"

"Yes."

******

Sonny's shoulders slump as he sinks into a chair. Vivian's heart breaks for him, but she just couldn't lie to him anymore. It's not fair to anyone involved for her to keep pretending like there's nothing between her and Elvis.

"I knew it. Jerry told me about the wedding and I just kept hoping it was him being, well, him. But no, this has been going on for a lot longer than just that time, hasn't it?"

"No, we've never really been anything-"

"But that's what you've wanted. You love him and you always have." He pinches the bridge of his nose and Vivian swallows deeply. He's right. "I can't fight him. I won't win. Not if you're in love with him."

Sonny looks up at her with his eyes glossy and wet. He takes her hand and kisses the back of it.

"Sonny, I-"

"No. It's okay, sugar. I love you too much to keep you miserable. If you want him, you should be with him." She sits on the floor in front of him and leans on his knee.

"I'm not miserable."

"No, but you would be eventually. Especially if his marriage is over. It's cruel for me to make you stay, knowing what I know now."

"Sonny... I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. You can't help who you love. Can I ask one thing, though?"

"Anything." Vivian looks up at him sadly. Some part of her does care for him. Just not enough. Not more than she loves Elvis.

"I'm gonna go for a drive for a few hours. When I get back here, please be gone." She nods slowly.

"Okay. I can do that."

"Thank you." He whispers and then leans forward, kissing her forehead. Then, he stands up and walks towards the door. When he gets there he turns. "I don't want you to feel bad for me. I'll be alright. Just go be happy."

She nods again as he walks through the door. The tears come hot and fast for a while as she sits there in the rubble of her ruined marriage. After a while, she stops, though, and there's only one thing on her mind.

Elvis.

She jumps up and starts to pack.

******

Elvis is sitting in the dark in the TV room. All three TVs are going, but he has no idea what's on any of them. His mind is racing. How did he get here? He's alone, his own wife gone to another man as his heart longs for a married woman. What a mess.

His mind drifts back to the night he met Vivian. She was so beautiful reading the book of French poetry in the corner at his party. He should've whisked her away from Charlie that night. He should've broken up with Anita the second he met her and taken her in his arms to be his forever that afternoon when he found her crying at the cafe.

And all the movie years. How stupid was he to value his string of flings over her? How easy it would've been to leave them all in the dust and marry her in 1962.

And the conversation they started should've finished with them together. Why did he abandon her for Ann? Yes, he loved Ann, but what was she compared to his future with Viv?

And WHY, WHY did he choose Priscilla?! He looks at the corner of the couch where Viv had laid that night they made love for the first time. It's like a movie with the scene of her on his porch, arms full of liquor bottles, a soft smile on her lips. Then it cuts to her gently shaving his face, an ultimate gesture of love and service. And the kiss, his mouth on her body, carrying her upstairs and pulling off clothing. The flashbacks wash over him and he lets himself weep. His tongue pushing into her as she moans, her mouth wrapped around him, him pumping into her overcome with passion and love and a need to be hers forever. The gentle and affectionate touches when they finished and held each other like they'd do it every day until they died.

"Oh God, Vivian." He holds his head in his hands as the tears stream down his face. He should've married her. His heart aches thinking of her coming to see him when he was so hurt and needed her so badly, only to be turned away. How could he have spent all those years angry? How could he let her fall into Sonny's arms?

And now she's gone forever. She'll have a baby soon and then he will have truly lost her. He'll only ever-

There's a knock at the door. Whoever it is can wait. Elvis is too lost in his grief to answer the door right now.

He wraps his arms around himself and lets his shoulders shake with sobs.

Another knock, this time a little more urgent. He listens carefully and realizes it's raining. Briefly, he feels for the person who is soaking wet on his porch, but not enough to get up and answer the door.

He's always taking care of everyone else. In this moment, he needs to just be and feel and nurse his broken heart.

More knocking, almost frantic.

Fine. He gets up off the couch and goes to the door.

******

Vivian sits on the front steps in the rain, crying. She's knocked and knocked, but either he's not here or he doesn't want to see her. She has nowhere else to go and even if she did, this is the only place she wants to be. Why won't he answer?

She gets up to walk back to her car.

******

"Viv?" He says it softly, not believing what he sees in front of him. Then, he realizes she's walking away and runs out to her in the driveway. "Vivian!"

She stops dead and turns to face him.

"What are you doing here?"

"Sonny left."

"He did? Why?"

"Because I'm in love with you." His heart skips.

"You... what?"

"I'm in love with you, Elvis. I always have been. I love you with every fiber of my being. It's like you're a part of me that I can't dig out. You're in me. You are me. I love you. God, I love you." She stands there, chest heaving, trying not to be a cliched crying mess in the rain. Elvis's heart has stopped with her words. His hands shake and he wants to pinch himself to make sure he isn't dreaming.

"Am I- am I too late?" She asks, almost panicked. Finally, he finds his voice.

"Never."

He takes two steps and has her in his arms, his mouth pressed to hers in a desperate kiss. The years of yearning pour out of them into the way their tongues mix in an ardent dance of need. He grabs the back of her thighs and she jumps to wrap her legs around him. Then, he turns and carries her up the steps into the house, slamming the door behind them with his foot.

She moans into his kiss as they make their way up the staircase to the bedroom, her still wrapped around him. In the room, he sets her down gently and begins peeling off her wet clothes, one layer at a time, dropping his lips to every new exposed inch of skin. He makes a trail of hot kisses along her body, finally dragging down her pants and underwear until she's fully naked in front of him. But when he goes to dive face first into her center, she stops him.

"No. I want to feel your skin." She unbuttons his shirt and pushes it off of his shoulders, going to the buttons on his pants next. He kicks off his shoes while she undoes the zipper and pulls, exposing him to her fully. They stand for a second, just taking each other in with nothing in between them, finally.

He caresses the side of her face and steps closer to her so that their bodies touch softly. She looks up at him in anticipation as he runs his thumb over her cheek.

"I have loved you from the moment I saw you. I should've said it then and every day since. It's always been you, Viv." He leans in and kisses her gently again, his hand moving down her body tenderly. When he gets to her lower back, he pulls her in close to press against him and kisses down her neck. She whimpers at the feel of his length pushing into her hip, reaching down to stroke him with her hand. He grunts at the sensation and slowly walks her backwards to the edge of the bed. She sits down, her hand still pumping him, but he stops her and gets on his knees.

"You're the love of my life, Vivian. I want to give you the world." He leans forward and kisses her thigh, pushing her legs open further to get to her center. "Let me give you everything I have, baby."

With that, he lowers his mouth to her and presses his tongue into her slit, dragging it up to the hardened bud, licking over and around it vigorously. She inhales sharply and throws her head back.

"Oh, God, Elvis." She runs her hand in his hair. He groans, but doesn't stop working his mouth on her. He moves his tongue in circles and then in a hard line over the top of her clit, keeping a steady rhythm. Her hips buck forward into his face and he slides a finger into her, tickling the spot that makes her moan out loud.

"Fuck!" Her back arches as her orgasm builds quickly. She feels herself on the edge, ready to spill over into an ocean of pleasure.

"Come on, baby. You're right there. Let go for me." He goes back to licking her with a fervor he's never expressed before. He's never been so invested in a woman's pleasure but he wants to give Vivian more than she's ever experienced. And he does. In that moment the dam breaks and she cries out as the waves of ecstasy crest and break inside her over and over again.

"Yes! Fuck! Yessssss!" She moans with her teeth gritted, her body quaking with the aftershock of the most unbelievable orgasm.

When she finally comes down, she sits up and grabs him, pulling him into a deep kiss, her tongue diving into his mouth feverishly.

"I'm so... in love... with you..." She whispers in between kisses, her hands running down his chest. She stands him up and he looks down at her, cupping her chin in his hand.

"No, baby. I'm in love with you." She smiles and leans forward, holding his cock in one hand, pulling his foreskin back and running her tongue around the tip. He leans back, his lips parted slightly and his eyes closed. "God, that feels good."

She tries not to smile as she pulls him fully into her mouth, letting him hit the back of her throat. She buries her nose in the hair at the base of him, swallowing around him. Then, she begins to move up and down as he thrusts slowly. She puts her hands on his hips and works him gently, moaning. He grunts and takes a handful of her hair.

"Viv, baby, you have to stop. I'm not finished making love to you."

She pulls back off of him and looks up, crawling backwards onto the bed. He climbs on top of her, kissing her neck and chest up to her mouth.

"I am yours, Vivian. Body and soul." He lines his cock up with her dripping entrance and teases her clit for a second. "I want to love you like this forever."

"Please, Elvis. Never stop." He nods and pushes into her.

"I won't, baby." He whispers as he slides in as deep as he'll go, grunting when he feels her tightness around him. "You were made for me."

She whimpers as he fills her, pulling back and pushing into her again. Neither of them will ever get enough of the way it feels to be connected like this. They fit together like a lock and key and the pleasure hits them both at the same time.

"Yes, Elvis..." Her back arches as he continues his sensual rhythm of sliding out and filling her, his hips rolling into her over and over and over. Their sweat begins to mix as their bodies meet in burning kisses, breast to chest, stomach to stomach, hip to hip, and thigh to thigh. His hand runs up and down her, squeezing and pinching softly where it pleases them both until it settles on her hip, holding her in place as his thrusting picks up. He's still moving slowly, pounding her deeply, slamming her with his cock both passionately and lovingly.

"Oh, God, Viv, I love the way you feel." He sets his head on her shoulder, knowing his climax is coming fast. "I don't want this to be over."

She takes his face in her hands and kisses the tip of his nose.

"This will never be over. I'm yours until the end. Let go, baby. I'm not going anywhere." He whimpers softly and peppers her face with kisses as he goes back to pumping into her. His pace increases and her breasts bounce as he moves inside her harder and harder. He feels his orgasm building in his cock and he knows he's ready to explode. He slams into her two more times and then cries out as he shudders.

"Fuck, yes, Viv!" He feels his release wash over him as he cums hard inside her, emptying himself as the tsunami-force ecstasy crashes through him. He's frozen inside her, cock throbbing until he's completely spent. She whines through her own orgasm as he collapses on top of her, careful not to crush her with his weight. He slides out of her gently and lays next to her, pulling her into the crook of his arm where she fits perfectly. She reaches up and pushes his sweaty hair back off of his forehead and then runs her fingertips down the side of his face. He grabs her fingers and kisses them, looking down at her. She smiles up at him and whispers. "Je t'aimes toujours avec tout mon coeur."

"You know I don't speak French, baby." He chuckles.

"It means 'I love you always with all of my heart.' It's something I was saving to say to the man that set me on fire. And it's you. I burn for you, Elvis. I always have and I always will." He smiles, his eyes brimming with tears.

"I will make you mine forever as soon as I can. You are the one who my soul loves. Viv, tell me this is us, from now on."

"Always and forever, Elvis."

"Always and forever."

******

A lot happens for Elvis and Vivian through 1972 and 1973. Vivian moves into Graceland and they christen every room in the house. Then, Elvis films Elvis on Tour in April and Vivian is there. He plays at Madison Square Garden in June and Vivian is there. He goes on tour again and still, Viv is there. Then, he does the Aloha show in Hawaii and she is there for that too. Both of their divorces are finalized in 1973 and they're there for each other. By Thanksgiving, Elvis has a 10-carat ring on her finger and by Christmas they're married.

He records an album at Stax that won't be released until 1975, but there's a song on it that makes him think of Vivian so much he almost cries. He saves it for the right moment, though.

So when she comes to him on New Year's Eve with a note from the doctor confirming her pregnancy, he knows exactly what to do. He pulls her into a warm embrace, kissing the top of her head. Slowly they begin to sway and he sings:

The first time I saw you I knew I was hooked on somebody other than me

And the first time I held you, your soft lips and blue eyes

Were as far as my eyes could see

Yes, here in my arms I knew I had found the reason that I'm livin' for

And I felt the feeling, such a wonderful feeling

That I'd never felt before

Baby, you're love's been a long time comin'

Baby your love's got a hold on me

Baby your love's sure got me hummin'

Baby your love's been a long time comin'

******

Fin

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Taglist:

@ccab @elvisfatass @elvisalltheway101 @aliypop @18lkpeters @dkayfixates @tacozebra051 @your-nanas-house @deniseinmn @joshuntildawn13 @lookingforrainbows @60svintage @littlehoneyposts @epthedream69 @louisejoy86 @rjmartin11 @from-memphis-with-love @deltafalax @jhoneybees @everythingelvispresley @returntopresley @atleastpleasetelephone @burnthheparaphilia @cinnamoroll-things

#elvis presley #elvis presley fanfiction #elvis #elvis fanfic #elvis presley fic #elvis smut #elvis fanfiction #elvis fic #elvis x oc #Elvis x Vivian #elvis presley fanfic #elvis presley x oc #Elvis Presley x Vivian choquette #your loves been a long time coming #ylbaltc

[obsidiancreates]

Bad Day

Shawn Spencer, Head Psychic of the SBPD, doesn't have bad days. He had exciting days, setback days, annoying days- but never bad days.

Shawn Spencer, the ADHD and CPTSD riddled human man, does have bad days. He had them Fairly often from ages 0 to 8, Frequently from ages 8 to 18, and Near Daily from ages 18 to 28.

But he'd tucked the Regular Human Man away when the Head Psychic became a real, viable option, so if you asked him "How often do you have bad days?" he would put a finger to his head, smile, and say he never has bad days because he can see them coming to avoid.

At least, he usually would.

Today though. Today started with a groggy morning escape from a Greatest Hits Roll of his most upsetting moments in life posing as "dreams", then an empty fridge, his go-to cafe being closed for a health code violation, the office fridge being empty, and finally a voicemail from his dad scolding him about some thing. A case, maybe, Shawn doesn't know- he's already lived a full day, as far as he's concerned, and now it's time to lay in the empty office and reset.

So he lays down on the couch, closes the blinds, and lays his slightly-pounding head on the armrest.

Running through woods, sweating in a trunk, failing the math test and knowing the bully did too, gun to his face, gun to Gus's face, tape on his Mom's face-

"Shawn!"

Shawn's eyes snap open, taking a breath like a barb that stabs the back of his throat. Great, he slept with his mouth open and now his throat is sore and dry. Just what he needed today.

"The Chief just called me, she's been trying to reach you all morning." Gus picks up the office phone, and tsks. "How many times do I have to tell you which way the phone goes in the charger?"

"You could try telling me when I care." Shawn throws his arm over his eyes.

"Wha- Shawn!"

"Wha, Shawn!"

"You better knock that off before we get to the station."

"Sure, Dad."

"I'm serious, Shawn! Get up! She said it's important!"

"She always says it's important."

"And it usually is!"

"And sometimes it's her needing a babysitter!"

"Fine, then I'll go get the case, and keep your part of the check."

"... Fine."

The ride in the Blueberry is quiet. Gus keeps looking over at Shawn, and it makes his skin prickle. It's not the first time- Shawn loves attention, but sometimes someone looks at him in just the wrong way at the wrong time and it feels worse than having a weapon waved at him.

They pull up, and they walk in, and Lassie and Jules are already in the office.

"Gentlemen, nice of you to finally join us," The Chief says, her controlled tone the perfect example of Passive Aggressive.

"Sorry, Chief, it's just that we have lives sometimes."

She pauses her flipping through files, and looks up at Shawn with narrowed eyes and lips pressed thin. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Gus begin his Lamaze breathing, Jules's eyes widen as she dips her head, and Lassie smirk a bit at the oncoming trouble Shawn's surely just invited for himself.

"Well, Mr. Spencer, so do we, but-"

"But you're city employees, aaand we aren't." Gus elbows Shawn, hard, and Shawn just grits his teeth and pushes back.

Lassie looks at him with equal amounts shock and wicked delight, Jules with just plain shock. The Chief blinks, letting out a huff of what could be laughter, but probably isn't.

"I don't know what's got you in a mood, Mr. Spencer, but I suggest you sort yourself out now. This case is looking like a high-profile murder at the moment."

"Looking like?"

"We've got blood, a broken-in door, and a knife missing from the residence. The body is missing, but our victim was one of the top, tobacco production CEOs in the entire west coast, and he had enough enemies to fill the station and more."

Lassie whistles. "Impressive."

"And time-consuming. We need-"

"Me to get a reading on the suspects, right, can I see the crime scene photos?" Shawn grabs them without an answer. Jules gasps like she just witnessed a stabbing- or is about to, which she very well may, given the look The Chief gives him. If Shawn's head didn't hurt, and he didn't feel like every emotion he's ever felt in his entire life were all compacting into one horrible apathetic brick in his chest, maybe he would care enough to scale back a little.

He flips through. Standard crime scene, terrible photos, worse than the time the murderer was the one taking them. "You should fire whoever took these. I mean it."

"Shawn!"

"Shh." He waves his hand in Gus's face. Knife missing from the knife block, no evidence of it anywhere else in the house, blood on the bedroom rug, smearing suggests a body being dragged, but ooooh, what's that?

"Who checked this crime scene?"

"We did." Lassie looks at the photos over Shawn's shoulder- well, head. "Why?"

"We were really thorough."

"Do we both think that word means the same thing?" He doesn't want to say it, but it slips out, and Jules looks hurt instead of shocked this time. But he's not wrong.

"The victim isn't the victim, he's the killer. Oh, I see it." he half-heartedly waves a hand and closes his eyes. "Yeah, the blood spray, the victim was attacked by someone laying in the bed. And this one-" He flips to another photo in the stack, eyes still closed but knowing it's right. "-This one shows the knife block, I can see there are no grooves in that slot of the block, it wasn't regularly removed and returned but all the others were. I think our 'victim' knew someone was after him and probably slept with that knife under his pillow."

"We did find a journal with some paranoid ramblings," Lassie mumbles.

Shawn opens his eyes. "Seriously?"

"Well, they were written like a whackjob. Just pages of the same thing over and over."

"What thing, Lassie?"

"I don't know, some bull about being watched and being ready."

"Like maybe by an enemy? And being ready to kill to defend himself?"

"Geez, Spencer, what is wrong with you today?"

"You're right, I'm sorry. Clearly, we should throw out all the important evidence because it seems just too helpful!"

"Watch it-"

"That is the usual procedure around here, right? Just sort of miss and ignore evidence until I show up? Follow all your worst leads first?"

"That's it!" Lassie grabs Shawn by the collar.

"Detective!"

"Carlton!"

"Shawn, say you're sorry!"

"You've been an ass before Spencer but this is- CHRIST!"

Lassie yanks his hand away, and Shawn makes a face as he wipes at his teeth with his shirt. The fabric comes away slightly red.

Jules pries Lassie's good hand off the hurt one, and then looks at Shawn like she's never even seen him before. "Do you even know what you just did?!"

"Assaulted an officer!" Lassie growls, accepting tissues from The Chief to press to his bleeding knuckles.

"Not my fault you have thin skin. ... Literally."

Lassie reaches for his gun.

"Enough!" The Chief slams both hands on her desk. "Mr. Spencer, out. I am letting you off with a warning this time but if you ever, bite one of my officers again-"

"He won't," Gus says quickly. "Right Shawn?"

"Did everyone miss the part where he tried to choke me?"

"Shawn!"

"Right, sorry, I'm sorry, everyone, I forgot that Lassie gets special privileges when it comes to police brutality."

"That's a serious accusation, Shawn!" Jules is backing away now, standing closer to Lassie's side.

"Wow, I had no idea! It's not like I know everything about police procedure because I was drilled on it my whole life!" Shawn knows he's out of control now- he knows, he hates it, this isn't fun out of control, this is bad out of control, this is that Out Of Control that pushed him to steal a car and run away without goodbyes and try to just burn every bridge. It's building up, brick after brick of compressed bad days and weeks and years, and it's not fair to take it out here and now but he can't help it.

"Mr. Spencer, you are officially withdrawn from this case."

"Got it, uh, good luck, detectives, with actually arresting the right person."

"MCNAB!" The Chief's shout makes Shawn flinch even through the foggy, half-aware state he's slipped into. He's just... mad.

Buzz comes running in, almost slipping, barely avoiding hitting his head on the door. The laugh that sneaks out of Shawn is ugly even to him, and he hates it, hates everything he's said and done this whole day, but it happens away and Jules looks at him with unfiltered contempt and Lassie looks ready to actually kill him and Gus looks like he might help out.

"Escort Mr. Spencer out, of this station."

Buzz points at Shawn, mouth slightly agape as his eyes travel over to Lassie cradling his hand and Jules now refusing to look at Shawn at all and Gus holding Shawn like he's a misbehaving dog.

"Careful, I bite." He's not really in control of his own mouth anymore. He feels more like he's dreaming now that he did earlier. Is this the part that isn't real? Is this the nightmare? God, he hopes so.

"Oh, geez." Buzz hesitates for a second, and then tentatively puts an arm behind Shawn. Shawn smiles at him. The look in Buzz's eyes makes him think there's still some blood on his teeth.

He jerks at Buzz a bit. Buzz only startles, but Lassie, Jules, and The Chief all brace to get in the way. Why did he do that? This is getting dangerous. He should just stop.

"Um, just, this way." Buzz puts only a little pressure on his back, but it sends a shock through Shawn's system like a car battery. He has a full-body convulsion away from the touch, and in the shocked silence that follows it he shoulder-checks Buzz as he storms out the door through the station. Eyes are on him, prickling and stinging at his skin, brick on top of brick and-

... Ow.

He blinks at the blood on the rough wall of the station lobby, and looks at the mottled skin on his knuckles.

Gus catches up to him and takes in the scene. The whole station is probably staring too. A numb feeling in his hand starts to spread, but it's not numb-numb, it's pain-numb.

"I think I broke it." His voice sounds jarringly solid and steady to him.

"Yeah." Gus approaches carefully. "Are you uh... feeling better?"

"... No." Shawn clenches his fist and watches the skin stretch, fresh blood beading across the wounds. That should be bothering him. It should be snapping him out of it. It's not.

"Are you gonna do something if I try to touch you right now?"

"... I think so."

"So this is bad-bad."

"And I thought I was the observant one."

Gus tsks. "Will you go to the car? Without anyone making you?"

"... Maybe." He wants to say no. He's just barely holding back from saying no, from calling the car stupid and pointless like it's driver and he doesn't want to think that but he's barely here right now and it's just ringing over and over in his head and-

"Can you stop yourself from punch the car?"

"Yes!" It comes out a snap, a shout, and Gus backs up, and Shawn feels sick but he can't seem to do anything about it.

Gus is about to say something more but Shawn is moving and slamming the door behind him and he could get shot he could get shot but he does and he avoid The Blueberry and just walks. Away from the station, his apartment, the office-

His phone chimes and his hand is shaking as he rips it out of his pocket and throws it against a wall, gritting his teeth so hard as he walks away from it shattering that he breaks a tooth as well. He hears it happen. The phone is more of a good solid bam! while the tooth is a smaller crrrk!

The wandering is the most dreamlike he's ever felt. Just passing buildings and people and seething over nothing and going nowhere.

And then all of a sudden he's Back.

He blinks, and stops, and sucks in a breath, and it all crashes down on him.

The bricks blocking up his chest crumble, their dust clogging his lungs, and he can't breath as it all replays with a sharper clarity than he'd had in the actual moments. He sinks against a wall in some... somewhere, and stares at a tree while it all plays over and over and his head screams to go back and face it an apologize while his everything-else screams to just leave, just go and keep going and never look back-

It's nearly dark out when he sees The Blueberry come into view, but he just stays like he is, arms on his knees and head leaned against the dirty concrete wall. Gus slams the door as he gets out. Shawn feels a flinch try to make it's way to the surface, but now he's in a different dream. It's not so mad, but it's still not good. He's still not here. He was, for a few minutes, and then he'd sat down and... when exactly did he go away again?

"Dude, you have problems." Gus is sweating, breathing hard, eyes bloodshot. "You have serious problems!"

Shawn would nod, but his neck is stiff. He hadn't really noticed until now.

"... Get in the car." Gus's voice is a little softer this time. "I'm taking you to see someone tomorrow, I mean it. ... Chief's orders. It's that or we never work for them again."

"That's fine with me." It's not fine. It's not fine! Why'd that come out of him? He didn't say that.

"No, it isn't." Gus moves out of his vision. Shawn hears fabric against wall, so Gus probably sat down next to him. "... What is this, Shawn?"

Shawn swallows. His throat is dry. He hadn't noticed that, either. No, not hadn't noticed- hadn't been capable of feeling it. Like how he can't feel his body, really, and can't seem to control his words, and can't even control where his thoughts are going.

He has to try a few times, to be able to say anything. To even pry his dry, cracked lips open. To even wrestle back control of his vocal cords. To even identify the problem.

He licks his lips, and Shawn Spencer the ADHD and CPTSD riddled human man, speaks.

"... I'm having a bad day."

#psych #psychusa #psych usa #psych 2006 #Is this somewhat projection/a vent? Yes #Do I struggle with dissociative episodes like these anymore? No. Thank god. #fanfic #my attempts at fanfic

[onceuponaoneshotfanfic]

We’ll Always Have Chelsea

I'm Bright Baby Blue, Falling Into You

Chelsea!Roy Kent x Coach's Daughter!Reader

1.7k words

Warnings: Language, lying/sneaking around, no Ted Lasso characters except for Roy, extremely protective father, angst, maybe some slut-shaming

A/N: Thank you for all the love you've shown this story! Let's consider this a "mid-season finale" of sorts. I'm currently working on the second half of this story, and once it's complete I'll resume posting it. Feel free to send asks and questions about the Chelsea!Roy universe in the meantime; it seriously keeps me motivated!

(And thank you to @kissykissymouth for the chapter title!)

“Let’s go, Roy-o!” you shrieked from your seat as the announcers called his name in those booming voices that echoed through the stadium.

Katie rolled her eyes playfully as she clapped along with the roaring crowd. “You are the most obvious human being I’ve ever met, you know that?”

“I can afford to be obvious now,” you said with a smile. When Katie quirked a curious eyebrow at you, you leaned in close. “He asked me to make things official last night.” You sounded like a silly little teenage girl, all giddy and delighted over a boy, and you didn’t care one bit. “To be his girlfriend. To stay together even after I’m back at uni. That whole thing.”

Her smile was soft and genuine. “Oh, that’s so great!” she gushed as she grabbed your hand. “Now we can plan some real double dates. Go out on the town, all four of us.” Her glee faded as she studied you for a moment. “But what about your-”

“We’re telling him after the match.” For the first time since Roy climbed back out your window in the early hours of the morning, you felt confident in the idea of telling your dad. This wasn’t just a summer fling anymore; it was something real, something that would hopefully last.

And your dad was going to have to figure out how to deal with it.

Katie let out a low whistle. “Well, good luck with that,” she hummed, giving your hand a squeeze. “Let me know if you need help planning Kent’s funeral.”

You gave her a friendly shove and turned your attention back to the pitch, not bothering to hide the way you couldn’t keep your eyes off of Roy. In a few hours, your dad would know, and there would be no reason to keep anything a secret from anyone. You’d be able to come to every match and proudly wear Roy's name on your back, the way all the wives and girlfriends did, and wrap your arms around him when he emerged fresh from the showers. He could take you to post-match celebrations and charity events and any of the fabulous places a fella like him would take his girl. And you’d be able to bring him home, have him spend time with your family, properly introduce him to your mates.

As long as your dad didn’t kill Roy first.

~

After the match- a flawless 4-0 Chelsea victory, much to your relief- you lingered by Katie’s side to wait for the men to come out of the changing room. When was the last time your palms were this sweaty or your heart raced this fast? Every time a player walked out the door, your mouth went dry, wondering when it would be Roy. Somehow, you just knew that his sparkling brown eyes would be enough to calm all your nerves.

Jules emerged with a smirk on his face. After kissing his wife, he quirked an eyebrow at you. “Kent’s pretty jealous.”

“What makes you say that?” you huffed, pretending you weren’t utterly pleased at the mere mention of Roy's name.

Jules tugged on the sleeve of your kit playfully. “Apparently he doesn’t like that you wore my kit instead of his today.” He quirked his eyebrow. “Mumbled something about his girlfriend being unsupportive already.” His eyes shifted to a grinning Katie before returning to you. “Want to explain to me why the hell Kent’s calling you his girlfriend, princess?”

“Because she fucking is.” Roy smirked down at you, his fingertips twitching as he shot you a wink. “And at our next match, there better be a six on your back, gorgeous.”

You beamed up at him. “You were great today, Kent.” Fuck, you wished you could grab him and kiss that smirk. Next time, you promised yourself as the two of you batted your eyes at each other, probably making the married couple roll their own eyes. Next time you’d be wearing his kit, and you’d be able to greet him with a girlish squeal and a kiss. You’d get to finally be Roy Kent’s girl.

All you had to do was break the news to your dad.

“Your dad’s already in his press conference,” Roy murmured with raised eyebrows. “Should we… go wait in his office?”

There was that dryness in your throat again. “Yeah,” you managed, blinking rapidly. “Guess we should.” You offered Katie and Jules a tight smile. “We’ll see you guys later.”

“Good luck,” Katie called in a sing-song voice as you and Roy turned to walk down to the coaching offices.

Sure enough, your dad’s office was empty and dark. You flipped on the light and turned on his television, greeted by his face as he sat in front of the crowd of reporters. His normally stern expression was relaxed as he answered questions about the match, clearly glowing from such a great win. If there was ever a day to tell him that you were dating his completely off-limits star midfielder, it was today.

Roy leaned against the edge of your dad’s desk, next to the framed photo of you and your brother that sat by your dad’s computer. Roy took your hand and tugged you to stand close to him, pressing the tiniest kiss to your temple as his thumb stroked the back of your hand.

“It’s gonna be fine,” he whispered.

You gulped and nodded, keeping your eyes trained on your dad’s face. “I know.”

“-performed very well today,” your dad was saying as he picked up the water bottle that sat beside a microphone. “For goodness’ sake, the man scored two goals today. Don’t know what all this is about a slump. I hope all the fellas fall into this kind of a slump.” He chuckled good-naturedly and pointed off-camera. “Next question.”

“Moving on from today’s match,” a cautious voice called out. “Coach, what d’you have to say about those photos of Roy Kent and…” The reporter cleared his throat. “… your daughter?”

For a moment, your father’s face was bright red as he set down the unopened water bottle. “I’m sorry?”

Your blood ran cold while the reporter continued. “There are photos of them at a casino. They were with, uh, Jules and his wife.” He cleared his throat again. “They were quite cozy.”

“Fuck.” Roy squeezed your hand and tore his eyes away from the television. “I-”

“I don’t comment on my players’ private lives.” Your dad’s jaw was tight as he sat up at his full height. “Especially Roy Kent.” His laugh rang hollow in your ears. “If I commented on every rumor about that kid’s love life, I’d never have time to manage this team.” He moved to stand, not quite looking at the camera. “Now, if there’s no more football-related questions, I think we’re done here.”

Roy let out a low growl and switched the telly off. “Well, fuck.”

“You should leave,” you murmured, looking into Roy’s panicked eyes. “Seriously, Roy. This is so much worse than we thought. It might be better if you go.”

He shook his head. “Fuck no.” He let go of your hand in favor of wrapping his arm around your waist. “We said we’re doing this together,” he said slowly. “So, we’re doing this together. I’m not going to be the kind of prick who runs away when things get hard.” He sighed and closed his eyes. “And this is going to be so fucking hard.”

The two of you flinched when you heard doors slam and feet stomping. Instinctively, Roy removed his hand from your hip, but he stayed close enough for you to feel his warmth. A smart move, you had to admit. A smarter move would be for him to run away from Stamford Bridge altogether, to never speak to you again, but you were glad he stayed. Something besides fear swelled in your heart when you realized that Roy was sticking by your side, even in the face of your father.

Your father, whose raised voice you could hear down the hall. “Where the hell is my kid? And where the fuck is Kent?”

Your entire body trembled as his footsteps came closer, finally stopping in front of the open door of his office. His eyes widened when he took in the sight of you, standing far too close to Roy Kent in the office that held framed photos of your childhood and crayon drawings from over a decade ago. He stormed in, ignoring you in favor of grabbing Roy by his t-shirt.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Kent?” he barked. “All the fucking models and actresses in London, and you decide to shag my daughter?”

Roy shook his head frantically, hands up in defense. “Coach, it’s not like that-”

“Get the fuck out, Kent.” He released Roy and pointed to the door. “Before I take a real good look at your contract.”

You found your voice. “Daddy,” you said shakily. “Roy’s not going anywhere.” You reached down and intertwined your fingers with Roy's, ignoring the player's wide eyes. “We’re dating, Dad. Me and Roy.” You gave Roy’s hand a squeeze. “We-”

“One rule.” Your dad’s voice was low, filled with anger. “I had one rule for you hanging around here. No. Footballers.” He pointed at Roy. “Especially that one.” He shook his head at you. “What were you thinking?"

“I’m thinking I care about Roy and he cares about me.” You gripped Roy’s hand like it was a lifesaver. “And I’m thinking I’m an adult. You can’t tell me who I can and can’t date. I’m not sixteen anymore.”

Your dad’s eyes were full of rage and pain as he stared at you, looking at you like you were a complete stranger. “You’re sure acting sixteen, sneaking around behind my back.” He shook his head, eyeing Roy with disgust. “But you’re right. You’re apparently all grown up now. Do what the fuck you want.” He grabbed his bag from behind his desk and made his way to the door. “Besides, you’ll be back at school soon enough.” His gaze was steely, lacking any of the usual affection he sent your way. “And Kent’ll be back to his normal self. Once you're gone, he'll be right back to his models. Maybe then you’ll realize I was right about him all along.”

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[gracev0609]

Dirty Love

Josh X Danny

A @lipstickitty / gracev0609 collaboration.

We decided to try our hands at angst after getting inspiration from Mt. Joy's song ' Dirty Love '

This is set in a different universe than our previous Josh and Danny by the way! Two different sets of characters!

Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI, Angst, Betrayal, Lies, Cheating, Heartbreaking, unwillingness to come to terms with their sexuality and hurting others in the process.

WC: 2.7k

The group was enjoying the evening, taking turns passing a blunt, and drinking way too many white claws. Jake and Sam sat on one side of the fire pit, while Josh, Danny and Alexis, Danny's longtime girlfriend,sat on the other. They were jovial, enjoying their time on break together, it was one of the last evenings they had before tour resumed.

Josh stood from his lawn chair, swaying back and forth slightly from his indulgence,” I'm gonna go inside, gonna get another one. Anyone want another seltzer?”

After taking count he wandered his way across Sam's backyard.

Suddenly Danny announced,” I'll go help him.”

He stood, quickly following him, leaving the rest of them around the warmth of the fire.

Josh was in the kitchen grabbing the beverages from the refrigerator when he heard the sound of the sliding door opening and closing. As soon as the refrigerator door was closed he felt Danny's presence. His body mere inches away, he could feel his body heat against his back.

“Hi Joshy.”

Josh peered over his shoulder and in an instant Danny's soft warm lips were on his. For a split second he melted into the kiss. How he wished that he could forever melt into Danny's warm embrace. Soon enough, he'll be his, Danny said so. Suddenly ice trailed up Josh's spine and he was very aware of what they were doing and where they were doing it .

Pulling away Josh put his hands on Danny's chest, separating them,” Danny stop. Stop. Not here, not now. Not with Alexis out there.”

Danny backed up, until his lower back hit the island,”Fuck. You're right.”

Josh's trailed from Danny's face down to the floor gazing at their shoes,” When… when are you going to do it. When are you breaking up with Alexis?”

Quietly Danny mumbled,”I don't know.”

Josh's brows furrow,” You don't know? You never know. Y-you always have an excuse Danny. First her grandfather died, and I understood. Then her dog was sick, and I understood. But fuck Daniel it's been 6 months, I'm tired of being a secret.”

“I know. I know you are.”

Josh balled his fists, energy coursing through his veins,” Jesus Christ Daniel. We keep doing this, and you keep claiming ‘ that you love me and want to be with me’ but you don't break it off. You don't even want Sam or Jake to know about us. What am I? Just your Dirty Love?! All I want are your eyes on mine. I need more! I- I need commitment and accountability, I can't do this anymore, I can't be the ‘other man’ anymore. It's not fair.”

Danny slowly exhaled,” I'm not ready. I'm not ready for you to be my boyfriend.”

“You can't control who you really are, or what you really want.”

Danny just stared back at him, unable to say anymore.

Josh’s eyes brimmed with tears he was furiously trying to hold back, “So that’s it then. Nothing you said was true?”

Danny also felt the prickle of tears beginning behind his eyes, sniffling them back. “No, Josh it’s not like that. Everything I said was true, or at least… it was at the time. I do love you, you have to believe that. I do want to be with you, but I’m not ready for this. I can’t do this, not now.”

Josh felt his temper rising, the overwhelming sadness and hurt flooding him transforming at least temporarily into rage and the hot tears began to flow. “You know what, that’s fine. Just forget it, forget all of it. I have to go.”

He pushed past Danny and moved to the door, ready to barrel through and make his exit, but the door slamming alerted everyone outside that there was something going on. Danny just watched him leave, knowing nothing he had to say would make the situation any better. Jake offered to go see what was wrong, jogging around the side of the house to see Josh almost collapse into the driver’s seat of his car, sobs wracking his frame. Jake quickened his pace, now running to his brother. Josh wept into his hands for a moment before shaking his head and putting the key in the ignition, the engine roaring to life just as Jake reached the car door. He watched Josh reach for the gear shift to move it from park to drive and yanked the door open just before Josh let off the brake.

He quickly sat down in the seat and pulled the door shut behind him, turning to his distraught brother in the driver’s seat. “Hey, what the hell happened?” Jake asked as the car took off, his hand on Josh’s shoulder trying to soothe him.

Josh didn’t even seem to hear him over his own cries and inner turmoil, wiping his tears away with one hand though new ones just replaced them as soon as he was done. “Why did I agree to this? Why did I let myself settle for it? Why did I let him use me?” He turned to look at Jake for a split second, tears clouding his vision too heavily to see much of anything.

“Danny?” Jake sounded totally taken aback, not having known anything about any of it before he got in the car.

A loud sob ripped through Josh’s chest as he nodded. “Josh, pull over.” Jake said firmly, not taking any arguments. Josh nodded again, turning his blinker on and pulling into the first parking lot they came across.

As soon as the car was safely parked, Jake leaned over the console and pulled Josh into his arms, rubbing his back gently as Josh sobbed into his shoulder. “He- he said that he loved me, and that he was going to end things with Alexis. For 6 months he told me that, and I believed him. Why did I believe him? Why wasn’t I good enough? Fuck, how am I supposed to face him next week when we’re back off break?” Josh’s words came out broken, stuttered in between his sobs and heaving breaths.

Jake felt Josh's words rattle his body, they were powerful and he tried his best to not be upset. He wanted to be Josh's comfort,” Josh. You absolutely are good enough. This. This isn't your fault, this is his.”

Josh cried harder as he desperately tried to keep his sobs and wails to a minimum. His body shook and he knew he was soaking Jake's shoulder in tears and snot.

He was blubbering, his head pounding as he wailed,” Why was I so stupid?!”

Jake clung his body closer to his, trying to ease the pain of his broken heart. Jake knew he was feeling intense rejection and embarrassment.

Rubbing his hand up and down his trembling back,” It's okay, you're not stupid Josh. He wasn't telling you the truth.”

After what felt like forever, Josh finally calmed down enough to where he could talk in full sentences again,” So.. I guess you want to know what happened.”

Neatly folding his hands in his lap, Jake nodded,” If you want to tell me, I'm here to listen.”

Josh wiped stray tears from his eyes, and Jake quickly leaned down and opened up his glove box finding brown paper fast food napkins and handing him a small stack.

Josh let out a shaky breath,” Well… around 6 months ago we started getting closer, flirting a ton, talking a ton. Danny.. he- he said he wasn't enjoying being with her anymore. He said he wanted to see what it would be like with a man, wanted to see what it would be like with me. And I fell so hard, so fast. I mean it's Danny!” A small sob escaped his lips and he swiped a scratchy napkin across his eyes once more. “ We slept together, and we kept sleeping together, and we were having so much fun. It felt so easy and wonderful and full of love, but we had to keep it under wraps. And fuck, now here we are. I believed all his lies.”

Jake reached out, squeezing his hand around Josh's,” I'm so sorry Josh.’

🔥🔥

Danny tried his best to compose himself in the kitchen before he walked back outside, but despite his best efforts he knew he still looked a mess. He may have been able to fool Alexis by telling her he just wasn’t feeling well, but he was well aware that Sam knew him like the back of his hand and would instantly know something was off. He rubbed his hands over his face, trying to ease the pounding in his head. With one more deep breath he walked back out to face them.

Just as Danny had known he would, as soon as Sam caught sight of Danny’s face his brows tented in confusion and he looked around the yard, everyone’s drinks scattered around to be forgotten about. The expression on Danny’s face paired with the sound of the twins peeling off out of the driveway painted a picture that Sam was puzzled by and he wanted answers. “What’s the matter? Why did Jake and Josh tear out of here like that?”

Danny tried to keep a straight face, but his guilt was eating him alive. He couldn’t think of an explanation that would satisfy Sam, not with Alexis there and his brain so jumbled.

His hands scrubbed over his face once again as he mumbled, “Please Sam, I’ll tell you later. I can’t talk about it right now.” He pleaded, tears threatening to make another appearance.

Sam’s eyes narrowed, “That’s not gonna work for me. You went in there with my brother and then he takes off like a bat out of hell and you look like you’re about to cry. What the fuck happened in there, Daniel?”

Finally he snapped, “Because I’m the biggest piece of shit in the world, okay?! Because I can’t be who I want to be, because I can’t be honest about any of it! Because I ruined everything”, tears flowing freely now, he pointed in Alexis’ direction, “and I’ve been cheating on her for 6 fucking months!” His head fell into his hands and he finally allowed himself to really cry, sobs tearing through him. Sam's jaw drops, and his eyes go wide.

Alexis stands, her expression mirroring Samuel's,” 6 months?! What the fuck Daniel! I-im done, I'm so fucking done, I'll drop off all of your shit next week.” As she walks away, she raises her middle finger in the air,” I hope her cunt was worth it!”

Sam shook his head, confusion settling in as Danny cried into his palms,” So, what does any of that have to do with Josh?”

Danny lifted his head, his cheeks wet with tears and his eyes bloodshot,” Because I was cheating on Alexis with Josh.”

Sam turned his head, jaw clenching, he knew Josh didn't run out of his home because he was happy. Sam took a seat in the lawn chair Alexis previously inhabited, his mind racing, he wasn't happy. On one hand he was sad for Daniel, he felt like he couldn't be with who he wanted to be with. On the other hand he used Josh, his eldest brother. Crossing his legs Sam huffed,” So.. Do you want to talk about it?”

Danny cried,” I fucked everything up Sam!”

Agreeing, he chuffed,” You really did.”

“ I was comfortable with Alexis, but I loved Josh and I just wasn't ready. I told him I wanted him, and that I loved him, and it was true until it was time to face the music.”

“Ready for what?” Sam clenched his jaw, feeling protective over his brother.

“I wasn't ready for everyone to know that I'm queer too. I've barely wrapped my own mind around it, I only knew that I wanted him. I wasn't ready to take him on dates or answer to fans or -”

“That's really fucking shitty you know.”

“I do know! I'm so fucking stupid! I let everything slip through my fingers, Sam.”

“Honestly Daniel… you dug your grave and now you have to lie in it.” Sam stood,” Go home, pack your ex-girlfriend's shit up, and think of a way you can apologize to Josh. Because what you've just put him through is really shitty and really unfair. You led him on. That's really fucked.”

Without any more discussion Sam walked into his home and began cleaning up the leftover food and empty seltzer cans. Leaving Danny to sit with his thoughts.

🔥🔥

“Jake, why did he lie to me? Did-did I ask too much of him? I can’t trust him anymore, I’ve always been able to trust him, and he ruined that. I mean, we were kids together, all of us, and we’ve been taking on the world together and now look where we are!” Jake took in what his brother was telling him, one hand still rubbing soothing circles on Josh’s back while the other held another stack of napkins to give Josh if he ran out.

Jake’s heart was broken for his older brother, he just wanted to take his pain away from him but he didn’t know how. He couldn’t exactly disagree with Josh, everything he was saying was completely true.

“Honestly I don’t know why he lied, and it was a really shitty thing for him to do. You’re not asking for too much, Josh. I’m sorry it happened and I wish there was more I could do to make it better. How about I run into the store real quick and grab us some supplies and I stay with you for a few days? I don’t want you sitting alone in that house brokenhearted.” Jake offered, looking at Josh’s bloodshot, tired eyes, nose rubbed raw, and tear stained cheeks. Josh just nodded, emotionally drained.

“Switch seats with me while I’m in here, I’ll drive us back.” Jake called over his shoulder as he climbed out of the car and walked into the store. While Josh waited on Jake, his mind raced incessantly. He couldn’t stop thinking of every empty promise Danny ever told him. Most, if not all, of his trust in Danny had been destroyed. The months of Danny holding his heart in his hands, telling him exactly what he wanted to hear almost every single night, sweet nothings whispered in the dark, confessions of love and nights spent holding each other tight, only to be torn apart by one short conversation. Josh hadn’t even been concerned with telling the public, he just wanted to belong to Danny and for Danny to be his like he had promised, he wanted to be able to tell his family about it whether the rest of the world knew it or not.

Jake came out of the store a few minutes later loaded down with snacks, drinks, and anything else he could possibly think of that they might need. He arrived back at the car to see that Josh had in fact done as he asked and moved to the passenger side, and was just leaning his head against the window with his eyes closed.

He loaded all the items in the trunk and put the cart away before climbing back in the car, still idling as neither of them had turned it off. The ride back to Josh’s house was mostly quiet, both of them trying to take in the events of the night.

Back at Josh’s home, they both unloaded the groceries and walked inside, setting everything down and putting it all where it needed to go. They threw a frozen pizza in the oven to bake and brought the snacks into the living room to eat while they watched movies and waited on the pizza.

Conversation stayed pretty light until the movie was on, Jake insisting that they watch all of Josh’s favorite movies to try and cheer him up. Shortly after the opening credits rolled, Josh finally spoke up, “I just.. I really thought we could make it work, ya know? It was everything I wanted, and it all got ripped away in a split second.” His words were soft as he blinked back more tears, not wanting to cry again.

Jake felt his heart crack a little more in his chest and he pulled Josh into his arms on the couch. Josh just let his brother clutch him tightly to his chest, knowing that while everything felt awful in that moment, his twin would get him through it.

Fin.

I know, we're sorry... This one hurt us too 😭

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