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fear-of-flyers · 2 years

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you can let it go (luke hughes)

Luke Hughes x gn!reader

Word Count: 4059 (including lyrics)

Warnings: troubled family dynamics, flight anxiety, general angst (please let me know if i missed anything)

Author's Note: I'm sorry this took so long for me to post, life has been busy. But, I'm super proud of where this ended up and hope y'all enjoy! Also so much thanks to @cobrakaisb for proofreading and letting me bug her about this for a month.

You were riding your bike to the sound of "It's No Big Deal" / And you're trying to lift off the ground on those old two wheels / Nothing 'bout the way that you were treated ever seemed especially alarming 'til now / So you tie up your hair and you smile like it's no big deal /

"Y/n, are you going home for christmas?" Thomas asked. There it was, the question you had been dreading since the talk of the holidays began. "No, I'm gonna stay over break and work. Why?" Bords shrugged, "Just curious, you haven't said anything before and we've talked about it a lot." You shrugged back, choosing not to address it further. The conversation naturally transitioned but you didn't fully insert yourself again. The truth was you didn't want to go back home. Your parents were narcissists who had raised you and your siblings with the highest of standards and very little affection. You had always thought it was normal, not knowing any other way of life but when you started high school you realized that your home life wasn't "normal". As you grew up you distanced yourself from your parents as much as possible, learning to find things you actually liked, not just things you liked because your parents wanted you to like them. That's how you found yourself at Umich. Despite the school being higher level, it wasn't an ivy and therefore wasn't good enough for your parents, who went to Yale and Brown respectively. But you couldn't imagine life anywhere else. Minoring in photography you found yourself working a lot with the hockey team. Eventually Nick and Luke introduced themselves and now, almost 4 months later, you hung out with the team all the time.

You can let it go / You can throw a party full of everyone you know / And not invite your family 'cause they never showed you love / You don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up, mmh /

Surrounding yourself with people you loved at college made you realize how much you were missing out on in your home. To know the unconditional love you felt from your friends changed you forever. You were truly happy, which is why, now that everyone was going home you found yourself feeling isolated again. It was a couple of days after that conversation, and a week before break, when you were hanging out with the boys again. This time you were in a private study room in the library, everyone finishing up the last of your work before leaving. You had control of the aux, playing some soft music, and were talking a little with everyone, keeping the mood up even on your third hour of studying. Then, as it always did, the conversation shifted to everyone’s plans for break. Brendan was especially excited about seeing Jordan after so long, and was looking forward to Bords flying down with his family a couple of days after christmas. When it was clear that the conversation was going to stay in that realm for a while you excused yourself, grabbing your water bottle to fill up and quietly leaving the room. You walked to the water fountain in the hallway and slumped against the wall, sighing heavily. You felt bad. You didn’t want to bring the mood down because of your issues and felt like it was your fault when the conversation switched away from holiday plans. You were outside for not very long, but lost in your thoughts, when someone cleared their throat next to you. “Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.” You said, rushing to fill up your water bottle, “I was lost in thought, I just have to fill this up really quick.” You rambled on, embarrassed. “Y/n, stop it, you’re fine.” A familiar voice said. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. We were talking about going home again and I know that can be tough for you.” You turned around and found yourself face to face with Luke, “I'm fine, just stressed. Thank you Luke.” You said, and he nodded, putting his water bottle under the fountain, but you could tell he didn’t fully believe you.

Of the boys on the team you were closest with Luke and Nick, hanging out with them after they introduced themselves and growing closer over the course of the season. Because of this, Luke was able to read you very well, and despite the limited knowledge he had of your family he could tell it was a deeper issue than you were letting on. Therefore, the first thing he did when you mentioned that you were staying on campus over break was call his mom. On the call Ellen could tell almost immediately that something was wrong with her youngest son. He only called so often and had already talked to her earlier in the week to solidify flight plans. With the smallest push, Luke let her know what he had called for and, not even 15 minutes later, a ticket was bought; plans were made for you to spend the holidays with the Hugheses. That brought you to the present, the boys studying, Luke nervous and you blindsided.

Matilda, you talk of the pain like it's all alright / But I know that you feel like a piece of you's dead insidе / You showed me a power that is strong enough to bring sun to the darkest days / It's none of my business, but it's just been on my mind /

“Luke, where is this coming from? I’m fine with my plans for break.” You said, face twisted in emotions you couldn’t begin to place. “It’s not that I didn’t think you were fine but I was talking to my mom and friends’ plans came up. She wanted to offer so you didn’t have to stay here.” At that you scoffed, you didn’t want Luke or Ellen to think that you needed help or a place to stay. “Do you even want me there? I mean, your mom offered. Do you not?” You asked, voice full of accusation and eyes full of rage. Realistically, you knew that Luke was trying to be nice and there was no malice in his actions. But you hadn’t ever had someone do something that big or nice for you and you truly couldn’t figure out how to react. Luke’s face dropped, “No, I- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. The offer is still there if you want it.” He said before grabbing his water bottle and turning away, walking back to the study room.

Watching him walk away you knew you messed up, you had overreacted and definitely upset Luke. As he disappeared around the corner you finally filled your water bottle up and tried to figure out how to fix your mistake. But, when you walked back into the study room the first thing you noticed was that Luke wasn’t there anymore. The music was still playing but it was no longer yours, probably Nick's because he knew your phone login, and the mood was a bit more somber. You quietly made your way to where you were sitting before and got back to your homework. The issue was you couldn’t focus. You knew Luke left because of you, and felt like the biggest asshole. You finished the last problem in the set you were working on and started packing your stuff. “Y/n you good?” Briss asked, turning to you, eyes full of worry. You nodded softly, “Yeah, just tired. Plus, I wanna get back before my roommate does and clean a little.” Briss nodded, accepting your answer but clearly not fully believing you. You disconnected your phone from the speaker (but left the speaker for the boys to use) and softly waved as you left.

When you got back to your dorm you did clean, turning on music to lift your spirits and help you stop thinking about everything happening in your life at the moment. But, about halfway through your normal cleaning routine your mom called. You let it ring through, wanting anything but to talk with her at that moment. Luckily she only called once, leaving a probably long voicemail, and it allowed you to finish your cleaning and homework. But once you finished you were faced with the reality of the situation you were in, the situation you put yourself in. The first thing you did was text Luke to apologize. You let him know that you were really grateful for his offer and that, all willing, you would love to go to Florida with him for break. You also asked him if the two of you could meet up for lunch the next day so you could fully explain everything. The next thing you did was call your mother back, letting her know that you wouldn’t be home for christmas, before texting your siblings and apologizing for your future absence and promising to still send presents.

You can let it go / You can throw a party full of everyone you know / And not invite your family 'cause they never showed you love / You don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up, mmh /

You went to bed early that night, wanting to get a good rest before meeting with Luke, anticipating a difficult conversation. The next morning you woke up and got ready for your 10 a.m. history lecture. You got out of the shower to a text from Luke accepting your apology and confirming lunch, offering the name of your favorite diner. You responded saying it was perfect and that you would see him at 12, enough time for you to walk from class but early enough where Luke wouldn’t miss his late afternoon practice. Class was uneventful but that didn’t matter because you spent the whole 90 minute lecture thrumming with anxiety for your lunch with Luke. You had no clue how he felt given how you had left off the last time you saw each other, just that you clearly upset him. You didn’t know if he was going to forgive you or even if the offer that had started the whole situation was even still on the table. You got to the diner with 3 minutes to spare and opened the door to Luke already sitting at your usual table. You smiled awkwardly as you made your way over, sliding into the booth across from him. “Hi,” you said, meeting luke’s eyes. “Hi Y/n” he said, smiling gently, “I’m sorry for what I did,” he added, shocking you. You shook your head immediately, “No, Luke, don’t be sorry, I'm the one who should be apologizing.” You said, rushing to explain before he could say anything. “I was mean to you Luke. I know that you were trying to be nice, I knew that when you offered and I brushed you off and acted like you were crazy for it. in truth, it’s just hard for me to think about going anywhere else, no matter how much I want to.”

That admission had a rush of emotions crossing luke’s face. “You want to come home with me?” He asked, eyes shining with excitement. You nodded, “And if the offer is still open then that’s the plan.” You added, wanting to make sure you weren’t inviting yourself. “Of course it is Y/n, I wouldn’t dream of taking it back.” Luke responded. but his smile fell when he remembered what he wanted to ask next. “Okay. You don’t have to tell me but, why aren’t you going home?” He asked, rushing to add “Please don’t tell me if you don’t want to, you don’t have to” When he saw your face falling at the thought. You laughed a little, Luke's panic lifting your mood a bit. “Luke calm down,” You said, “I’m gonna tell you because I want to. Plus, I think it’ll be good to get it off my chest.”

Taking a deep breath you started explaining everything. “My parent’s kinda suck. They’re narcissistic and only really care about how we make them look, not how we feel. My siblings and I had to be perfect growing up; all As, first in sports and extracurriculars, if there was an award for something we were expected to win it. And because it was all I knew, I didn’t think anything of it. that changed going into high school. I realized that it wasn’t normal for parents to control every aspect of their child’s life so I started distancing myself from them, which they hated. When I was applying to colleges they made me apply to all the Ivies, arguing which of their alma maters I would go to. They hated it when I chose Umich instead of Yale and made me think I was gonna hate it here. But I don’t, and being around you and the team and my other friends has made me realize how much I've been missing out on. Y’all make me feel so loved.”

“You are so loved, Y/n.” Luke said, reaching across the table for your hand, “And, if I didn’t make it clear before, I do want you there for the holidays. It would make me so happy to be able to spend time with you, even happier if it would make you happy.” When he finished you look up from your hands, the hands Luke hadn’t let go of, and make eye contact with the boy sitting across from you. You were crying a little, you knew, but couldn’t help it. “Hey, are you okay?” Luke asked, eyes shining with worry, scared he upset you more. You nodded, wiping your eyes. “Yeah,” you answered “I just really appreciate you Luke. Thank you so much, for everything.” At that the worry left Luke's face, “Of course Y/n, I would do it all over if you asked.”

You can see the world, following the seasons / Anywhere you go, you don't need a reason / 'Cause they never showed you love / You don't have to be sorry for doing it on your own /

You found yourself, five days later, in line at the airport Starbucks to grab drinks while Luke grabbed the two of you snacks for the flight. The days leading up to the flight you spent panicking about not having gifts for anyone that you would be seeing, especially Ellen; so you spent the time in between working and classes packing and online shopping. You had planned to pick flowers up at the Orlando airport to give to Ellen when she picked you up but you wanted to have at least something small to give everyone else. Luke indulged you, helping you find things he thought his brothers and dad would like and you thanked him endlessly for putting up with you. What you didn’t know was that whenever Luke answered “Of course” he meant it with his whole being, he would do anything you asked. The boy you found yourself spending so much more time with had been harboring a crush on you since he made Nick go with him to introduce himself.

You finally boarded at around 3:30 and were scheduled to land at 6:10. Settled nervously into your aisle seat, you got out your water bottle and book. “Ya ready?” You asked, but turning to Luke you saw that he looked particularly nervous. “Hey, are you okay?” You asked, grabbing his hand. He nodded shakily but you didn’t fully believe him. “Luke, you don’t have to be okay,” you said, “Are you nervous about bringing me home?” you asked. That garnered a more confident response as Luke shook his head. “No, of course not. They’re all going to love you too.” He said before rushing to continue, to cover just what his words revealed, “I just kinda hate flying. I know I do it often but the fear just won’t go away. Promise you won’t make fun of me?” You shifted so that you could look at him comfortably, “Luke of course I won’t make fun of you.” You said “You can hold my hand as long as you need, okay?” He nodded at that and pulled your hand into his lap. The two of you made quiet conversation as the plane took off. Then you let go of Luke's hand long enough to plug your headphones into the screen, give one side to Luke and choose a movie.

That was the last thing you remembered because 2 and a half hours later you were waking up to Luke softly rubbing your shoulder that wasn’t slumped against him. You shuffled lightly, slowly opened your eyes and looked up at luke. “Yeah?” You asked, not fully understanding what was going on. “We landed sleeping beauty.” Luke said, a smile painting his face, “People are already getting off and I just texted my mom.” You nodded, lifting your head off of his shoulder and started to put everything into your bag. When there was a gap in people, you and Luke stood up and grabbed your luggage before deboarding the plane. Then when you made it to the terminals you made your way out of the way before stopping to figure out where you were going. After reading the signs you turned back to Luke who had a guilty look on his face.

“What?” you asked. “So my mom just texted that she got caught up in prep stuff.” Luke started, “So my brother Jack has to pick us up.” You nodded, expecting more. But when he didn’t continue you asked “Is that it?” He nodded. “Oh,” you said, “that’s fine. I was expecting something much worse.” Luke sighed in relief “Cool, that’s great. Well, he’s almost here so we should probably start moving again.” You nod and grab the handle of your suitcase, following the signs to the gate that Jack was waiting at. As you walked you asked “Why were you apologizing because your brother is picking us up? Is he really mean or something?” At that Luke looked surprised, the real answer was that he had talked about you a lot, especially leading up to this trip, and he was certain that his brothers would tease him for it. But, he couldn’t say that without exposing how he really felt so he settled for an adjacent truth, “No, not mean. Just a lot.” he said, “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable and I know that Quinn would’ve been more lowkey.” You nodded, but you could tell there was more that he wasn’t letting on and hoped it wasn’t bad. “Well,” you said, “I appreciate you being concerned. I know it’s gonna be fine though.”

You're just in time, make your tea and your toast / You framed all your posters and dyed your clothes, ooh / You don't have to go / You don't have to go home /

You had been with Luke and his family for a week now, both Christmas and Hanukkah have come and gone, and you were in complete bliss. Being surrounded by, and included in, a healthy family dynamic was refreshing to you and you were eternally grateful that Jim and Ellen welcomed you into their home. Throughout the week you had gotten closer with both Jack and Quinn, but had bonded even more with Luke and were absolutely harboring a crush on the boy. You had barely spent a second alone throughout your stay, wherever you were Luke was close behind, but you couldn’t complain. Luke’s company has always made you feel safe but this was true now more than ever, and despite not talking to anyone about it, Luke’s family could tell that you liked each other and were waiting until you could figure it out yourselves. Little did you know, Luke had been planning to ask you out for most of the trip and, with Quinn’s help, had the perfect way to do it.

It was a Saturday, three days before you left, and Luke asked you to go to breakfast with him. Of course you said yes, but he was nervous leading up to it which in turn made you nervous. His nerves made for a very awkward car ride filled with a thick tension and deafening silence. Finally, you couldn’t stand it anymore. “What’s happening Luke?” You asked, eyes full of concern and voice laced with anger. You were angry, you had been having what you thought was a great week only for the most awkward car ride of your life. You just wanted answers. “Do you regret this or something?” At your question Luke realized his mistake, he hadn’t considered that the lead up to his question could look bad. Aggressively shaking his head Luke pulled over onto the side of the road. “Luke what is this?” You asked again, your anger replaced with nerves.

Oh, there’s a long way to go /

I don’t believe that time will change your mind /

In other words /

I know they won’t hurt you anymore as long as you can let them go

“Okay,” Luke started, “I’m going to say something but you have to let me finish before you respond or react.” You nodded confirmation, hoping it wasn’t something that was going to break your heart. “To start, I’ve had a lot of fun this week and am super happy that you came home with me. The week has only made me realize how much I love having you in my life and how much I really like you. Like, as more than friends.” Luke rushed out, pausing to breathe. “Now, this isn’t how I wanted to do this but clearly I didn’t think through execution far enough to do it right. Will you go out with me? No wait, that sounds too casual. Will you, Y/n Y/l/n, be my partner?” Finally Luke finished what he was saying and looked into your eyes for a response. Unfortunately, the first thing you did was laugh which scared him to death. But you quickly realized your error and rushed to correct it “Oh my gosh, I’m sorry I just thought something was wrong because of how nervous you were.” You said, “Of course I want to go out with you Luke. I’ve liked you for so long.” With those words the energy in the car lightened immediately, and Luke couldn’t help but pull you into a kiss. You pulled away from him, your hands on his face, smiling wide. “It might be too soon but I have to say something” You say, “I love you.” At that, Luke’s grin widens even more than he thought possible, “I love you too.” He responds, thanking his lucky stars that everything worked out.

After your moment you continued on to breakfast, which you agreed counted as a date, and then back home where Quinn was waiting to hear how breakfast went. You and Luke walked into the house holding hands and all Luke had to do was nod in confirmation before Quinn whooped with joy. At his burst of excitement you blushed and the rest of the family came rushing into the room from around the house, not sure whether they had to be nervous or not. “What, what?” Ellen asked, eyes checking over her oldest and you and Luke for injuries or emotion. Eventually though, her eyes settled on your intertwined hands and a smile broke out onto her face. “Congratulations,” she said, smiling sweetly with eyes full of love, “I take it breakfast went well, Luke.” At his mom’s comment, Luke nodded before turning to you and placing a brief kiss on your lips to clue in Jack and Jim. With everyone on the same page Ellen came over to hug you and her youngest, whispering in your ear, “Having you with us has been a joy, you are welcome back any time.” You thanked her quietly, knowing you had finally made it home.

You can let it go / You can throw a party full of everyone you know / And not invite your family 'cause they never showed you love / You don't have to be sorry for doing it on your own

#luke hughes x reader #luke hughes imagine #luke hughes #umich hockey imagine #umich hockey #hockey imagine #hockey fic #my writing #fear of writing

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barbiewritesstuff · 2 years

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Church Encounters: Chapter 17

-- OMG I have been so excited for this chapter y'all have no idea!!! Also sorry this one is like 11k words again, oops

ALSO We will be taking a small hiatus til the 4th of October so we won't post Church Encounters for a while but pinky promise there will be more chapters in the future!!

This fic was written in collabpration with @lgg5989 who will be posting this to her AO3 and her tumblr! She also made the lovely moodboard below!

Comments and reblogs are appreciated and we take blurb requests!

Previous Part

Taglist: @acarboni21 @unsurebuttrying @dempy @peaches-1998 @bbooks-and-teas @roosterscock @positivelyholland --

Jake’s hand had been killing him for a few days now, ever since your vigorous activities on Saturday night. He had gone to the med bay on base, and to his humiliation had to explain to the nurse how punching a wall had split one knuckle and bruised the rest. Not even the good Lord could save him from the blush that spread up his cheeks when the nurse realised that he had put his fist through the drywall during a rather pleasurable encounter with his wife.

“Well you haven’t broken anything Lieutenant Commander, but in the future I would try to…um…restrain yourself from fighting anymore drywall,” she said, a knowing smile on her face. She was a little older, probably around his mother’s age, and she almost teased him about how he was injured, something he found rather funny. The other nurses in the ward had been damn near fighting over who would get to attend to him, but she had picked the file off the stack and sent them scurrying away with a loud barrage of disappointed sighs.

“Yes, ma’am. Am I going to be grounded?” he asked, looking at her nervously. Their team had just been tasked with a new mission, and he didn’t want to risk sending them out without him.

“I don’t think so, just keep icing it like you have been and it’ll be good as new in about a week or so. I would advise against participating in any other strenuous activities for the next few weeks though, we wouldn’t want you to reinjure it,” she finished, handing him a cool ice pack to place on his hand.

“Thank you, ma’am,” Jake said as he stood from the examination table giving her a small smile before exiting the office.

Pulling his phone out, he scrolled through the contacts until he came across Bob’s. Clicking the call button, he brought the phone up to his ear, waiting on Bob to pick up.

“Hello?” his voice said, sounding a bit out of breath.

“Hey,” Jake said, “I was wondering if I could have some help with something this weekend?” he asked.

“Sure, what’s up?” Bob asked, his words broken up by sharp pants.

“You good man?” Jake asked, concerned.

Bob let out a breathless laugh, “Yeah, Phoenix is kicking my ass, treadmill is at like a seven incline step.”

“Alright I’ll be quick then. I…um…I put a hole in the wall in my living room, and I’ve injured my hand…I need someone to help me patch it. Can you come by on Friday evening, say around dinnertime? Y/n’s making some kind of pasta dish, you can join us.”

“Sounds good, I’ll be there,” Bob said, “Got to go.”

“Don’t let her beat you too bad Bobby,” Jake said, laughing a bit before hanging up the phone.

Friday night came sooner than Jake anticipated, and he had forgotten to stop and pick up the materials he and Bob were going to need to fix the wall. By the time he pulled his truck into the driveway, Bob’s Astra was parked on the street, and the sun was beginning to set.

Walking inside, he called out, “Sorry I’m late, I forgot to get the damn supplies to fix the wall.”

“That’s alright,” Bob called back, “Y/n is trying to teach me how to cook, I don’t know how well I’m doing.”

“You’re doing great,” you said with a smile, patting Bob on the back as he stood over the stove, “And how are you doing my dear, injured husband?” you inquired, stepping in front of Jake to take his lunch box and press a kiss to his cheek.

“I’m alright, hand is feeling less sore so that’s good,” he said, smiling down at you and brushing a piece of hair behind your ear.

“How did you injure your hand?” Bob asked from his place at the stove.

You tried to hold back your laugh as you watched Jake flounder at the question, “Well, I…um…I was coming in and tripped, yeah, I tripped and my hand went through the wall,” he said, unconvincingly.

Bob looked at Jake, took a step to look at the wall in question, and then looked back at Jake, “Suuuure you did,” he said with a laugh.

Jake could feel the embarrassed blush from earlier come over his face, and before he could restrain himself he said, “Hey, I can’t be held responsible for what my hot wife does to me.”

Bob let out a groan, “Never mind, I don’t want to know what happened. As far as I’m concerned you closed your hand in the door of your truck or something.”

The three of you had a nice dinner before Jake and Bob set about patching the wall. Jake looked on as Bob screwed in a small piece of wood before fitting in a new panel of drywall that they cut to fit the fist sized hole. Finally finishing it with some fast curing drywall putty, the men waited an hour before digging the can of paint from the basement and rolling a coat over the new section of wall. I looked great, and you couldn’t even tell where the hole had been.

“Damn Bob, you’re practically a professional,” Jake said, impressed at the WSO’s home project abilities.

“Yeah, I had a lot of practice,” Bob said, “I used to work a construction job in high school, making extra money for mom to use on groceries,” he let out a small laugh before continuing, “That’s actually where my callsign comes from, I’m Bob the builder,” he finished laughing at the surprised look that came over Jake’s face.

“So not Baby On Board then?” Jake asked him, his face red with laughter.

“Definitely not,” Bob replied, “Maybe one day though.”

“Bob, that's my sister you’re talking about!” Jake said, slapping the man on the back of the head with his good hand, “Besides, the two of you aren’t even married yet, you can’t be thinking shit like that.”

“Tell me you didn’t and I’ll stop,” Bob said, raising one eyebrow at Jake before looking back at the wall they just finished painting.

Jake let out a sigh, grumbling something under his breath as he turned around and picked up the gallon of paint, bringing it out to the garage. Bob just laughed, he was going to be in so much trouble if Jake ever found out how far he had toed the line with Maria.

---

Jake had been working on the room you had decided would be the nursery. The two of you had been talking about having a baby for a few months and with your family’s history of having trouble conceiving, you had decided to try sooner than originally planned, figuring that you were unlikely to get pregnant on the first go anyway.

You walked into the nursery, dressed in a casual jersey dress, feeling a little down.He stepped away from the crib he was putting together and pulled you into his arms, “Hello, maybe-momma.”

“Hi there, almost-daddy,” you said back, laughing a little at the different versions of future mom he had been calling you, “How’s it coming?”

“As well as expected, what man has ever read the directions,” he stated playfully, winking at you before pressing a kiss to your lips, “How about you? Any good news?”

You frowned, producing the pregnancy test from behind your back, “No, still negative.”

Jake pulled you to him in a hug, “It’ll happen baby, don’t worry. God will bless us when he thinks we are ready.”

You nodded, the disappointment still cutting deeply into your heart. It didn’t help that you had been feeling strange for weeks now, with a weird assortment of symptoms that you had tried to google. Doctor Internet was as unhelpful as ever, telling you there were only three possible causes for your sudden bouts of sickness: pregnancy, cancer, or the flu. You could scratch off pregnancy as every test you had taken came back negative, which left only two things on Google’s list and a few thousands on your own list of completely ordinary causes for your aches and pains.

“I think I need to see a dentist,” you said, “I keep tasting blood.”

“It could just be working out,” Jake offered, trying to ease your worries. He knew how much you hated the dentist and how much losing or damaging your teeth freaked you out.

Besides, they weren’t empty reassurances, it was well known that working out could cause a metallic taste in the mouth. Jake vaguely remembered his biology teacher explaining that a very high pressure of blood moving into a person’s lungs through their membranous tissues could make someone taste blood although he couldn’t for the life of him remember why. You had just started a new workout regimen, helped by Phoenix who was known amongst the squad for going hard at the gym. Your body simply wasn’t used to the new intensity.

You nodded, ready to accept that as the answer when the alternative was so frightening to you.

“Or,” Jake said carefully, not wanting to hurt you any more than necessary, “It could be your monthlies…”

You sighed, on the verge of tears. Jake knew how much you had come to dread it, but it was undeniably going to happen at some point.

“I know honey,” he said, pulling you close to him in a comforting hug, “But we can’t deny it, yeah? You’ve been having hot flushes, you feel dizzy, you’ve been… emotional,” he explained

“And sleepy,” you added, nuzzling into his chest in the hopes that the fabric of his shirt would sponge up any tears should they fall, “You’re probably right,” you whispered, “It’s just periods.”

“I’m sorry honey,”

“No, it’s fine. We expected this. We knew it would take a while,” you replied, rubbing your eyes and giving him a sad smile, “The Lord will bless us when we’re ready,” you repeated back to him, patting his chest before turning around and leaving for the kitchen.

You dropped a pod of Jake’s favourite coffee into the machine and pressed pour, fitting a large mug underneath the spout. Jake was right, periods would explain a lot of your symptoms but there were a couple you just couldn’t explain away. You couldn’t for the life of you find a satisfactory explanation as to why you were always so damn itchy, or why you suddenly got so clumsy, or why you kept getting nosebleeds, or even why you were getting strangely vivid dreams. But strangest of them all was your sudden and very acute disgust at the mere concept of coffee.

---

Lizzie: You free next week? Beau is taking the kids out and we need to catch up. I want to see the pictures from your honeymoon.

Jake’s out of the house next Saturday, I can make lunch? You texted back, excited at the prospect of seeing Elisabeth again.

You had seen Beau at work since your return but his wife had remained elusive. She was always so busy running around taking care of the kids, organising meal trains for people around the parish and otherwise volunteering her services as a birth doula to mothers who couldn’t afford it.

Lizzie: Perfect! Looking forward to it!

You immediately set to work, leaving the house to buy ingredients. When you came home an hour later you placed a pot on the hob, tipping in two litres of water and adding salt, sugar, saltpetre, a cinnamon stick, mustard seeds, peppercorns, cloves, allspice, juniper berries, bay leaves and ginger. You let it cook on high until the sugar dissolved, then, you removed it from the heat and stirred in some ice before checking the temperature. Once at the desired 7C, you placed your two kilo beef brisket into a bag and filled it with the brine, covering the meat, sealing it well and putting it into the refrigerator where it would stay for the next ten days.

Once Saturday came around you removed the brisket from the bag and rinsed it under cool water. You placed it into a large pot, adding onions, carrots and celery and covered with water. After boiling it, you reduced the temperature from high to low and left it to simmer for three hours.

You cut a few slices to test, making them thin enough to place on Jake’s sandwich which you packed in a lunchbox and set aside for him to take on his trip. He was joining his fellow Youth Ministers for a weekend in Joshua Tree National Park, requested by Freddie and Matt in an effort to bond more as a team. Jake was less than enthused by the idea, not keen to leave you home alone when you had been feeling ill for so long.

He ran around the house trying to pack, taking more breaks than necessary to check his phone, drink some coffee and kiss your cheeks as you cooked. Eventually, he could no longer delay his departure and was forced to bring the bags to his truck, forcing the guitar into the passenger seat and unceremoniously dumping the duffel bag into the truck bed.

“Honey?” Jake called from the kitchen, after remembering he’d bought some snacks for the trip. You hummed from the sofa where you were sat reading your bible, acknowledging that you had heard him, “Honey, why do we have pickles?” he asked, holding up the jar to show you.

“I don’t know, I saw them at the shop and they looked good,” you replied, shrugging your shoulders.

Jake hesitated, “Sweetheart, I thought you didn’t like pickles?”

“I know but -- I don’t know, I’ve been craving them… I made you a sandwich! It’s on the table” you said, pointing towards the blue lunchbox on the kitchen table. Jake picked it up and lifted the lid, “It was supposed to be a reuben sandwich, but I swapped out the sauerkraut for pickles,” you explained.

“Thank you, honey,” Jake said, picking up the lunchbox before making his way to you.

“You have to go now though, or you’ll be late,” you chastised him.

“Yes, that would truly be a shame, wouldn’t it… It’s weird, I suddenly don’t feel so good anymore, do you think I could stay home?” he asked, making a pouting face and pulling his collar away from his neck.

“No,” you laughed, “Go! It’ll be fun.”

Jake snorted, “Says the woman who doesn’t have to share a cabin with Henry Greuvel, the loudest snorer this side of the equator.”

“It’s only for one night!” you giggled, pushing him towards the door.

“Fine, but text me, okay? I wanna know how you’re feeling. If it doesn’t get better by Monday, I’ll take you to the doctor’s,” Jake said, he leaned down to kiss the top of your forehead and when you looked up at him, he kissed your lips too, “Have fun at church. I love you, see you tomorrow evening!” he shouted as he walked out of the house.

An hour later, with Elisabeth’s arrival imminent, you got up from your seat and walked to the kitchen again where you switched on the kettle and prepped a mug with a homemade anti-nausea ginger and lemon tea bag. You poured the water in as soon as the kettle clicked and drank a few sips before pulling the ingredients for a russian dressing out of the fridge. You spread the mixture generously on two large slices of toasted rye bread, adding a few thin slices of still warm brisket, as much cheese as you could cram on and topping it all with a large helping of sauerkraut before closing the sandwich with another slice of bread. You had just plated it all when the doorbell rang.

“Oh goodness, it smells amazing!”

“It’s ready to serve,” you laughed,

“Good, because I am starving!” she said, walking into the living room where you had dressed the dining table and put the plates, “It is so nice not to have to cook for once,”

“Dad doesn’t cook?” you asked, sounding confused.

Elisabeth scoffed, “Beau isn’t allowed to cook.”

You looked at her, concern written on your face, “He’s not bad, I’ve had his homemade pizza before.”

“And therein lies the problem, my dear, it’s better than mine! I can’t take that kind of defeat,” she said with a wink.

You walked back to the kitchen, picking up the pickle jar that Jake hadn’t placed back in the cupboard, and relieved for once as you had started to feel a little dizzy and didn’t feel confident about reaching for the highest shelf. You carried it back to the dining table and twisted the lid open, picking two long slices of pickled cucumber and placing them on top of your open sandwich.

“I thought you didn’t like pickles?” Elisabeth remarked.

“I think they’re growing on me,” you replied with a small smile.

The sandwich was delicious. You had never tried that recipe before but with each bite it earned itself a higher spot on the leaderboard of all your favourite dishes. You collected the plates and placed them in the sink, running some water over them before walking back to the coffee pot.

“Would you like a cup of coffee Liz?” you asked her from across the kitchen.

There was a moment’s pause before she answered, “That sounds great, maybe with a splash of milk?”

Before even approaching the coffee pot, you popped a ginger candy into your mouth, taking a few good swallows of the sweet ginger flavour before approaching the pot with a mug ready. You poured the coffee into the mug and stirred in a little milk with minimal gagging before bringing the cup to Elisabeth.

“Here we are,” you said, placing it down in front of her.

“Aren’t you going to have one too?” she asked, looking at you confused.

You grimaced, “I don’t think I could even if I wanted to,” you said, “The smell of coffee recently has been making me nauseous.”

“Are you…” she asked, an excited smile growing on her face. It fell almost immediately when she saw you grow sad.

“No, women in my family have a history of struggles when it comes to conceiving. We’ve started trying but as much as we want it to happen, we know it’s unlikely to happen right now,” you explained, “The waiting is agony though,” you added.

Elisabeth nodded. You stayed quiet for a moment while she seemed to be thinking of something.

“Beau and I struggled too. We had Peter without an issue but Matthew was a little harder, then when we went to the doctor’s to see if we could have a third, they told us it was unlikely we’d conceive again. We were heartbroken but we held on to the fact that they said it was unlikely, not impossible. We tried for years after that and nothing happened, so we gave up. It was a really dark time in our lives, we stopped going to church, I quit my job, and Beau and I seemed to fight every other night,” she said, pausing for a moment,

“And then one night, I was packing up our shrine to throw most of it away when I knocked something off of a shelf. I don’t know, maybe it was coincidence, or maybe it was the Lord trying to show us the way, but I had knocked Peter’s bible down to the floor and it opened on Luke Chapter one. The first thing I saw was, oh I remember it as though it happened an hour ago,” she said, wiping tears from her eyes,

“The first thing I saw was ‘Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to call him John.’ I called Beau immediately, even though he was playing baseball with buddies, and I told him to get his ass home because we were going to church,” she laughed, “He didn’t argue, even though I never told him about the verse or the Bible. And two months after that I went to the doctor’s for some unrelated health issues, and they told me I was pregnant. I was convinced we’d have a boy, obviously, and we were going to call him John. But then the three little ladies arrived and Beau asked me if we could name one ‘Joanna’, he said he didn’t know why but he felt it was right to use that name, as if he was fulfilling his end of a promise.”

You looked at Elizabeth for a moment, unable to think of what to say. She placed her hands on yours, gently squeezing, “All I’m saying is the Lord provides, but He does so in His own time and for His own reasons. We can’t understand them, nor should we want to but we can trust Him. And I trust He will bless you with your own bundle of joy soon, but in the meantime, you must listen when He tells you things about yourself and your life, even if they’re things you would rather not hear. While Beau and I waited to be blessed again, I ignored when the Lord tried to tell me I was impatient, quick to anger and jealous, I blamed others when I should have looked at myself. Instead of laying my worries and anxieties on God, I tried to deal with them myself, and if I had just left my heart open to His guidance, I could have let all that go sooner. And since I have, I have been a better wife, and a much better mother,” she finished.

You had often looked to Elisabeth for help and guidance when you had trouble hearing the Lord, and you valued her experience immensely. You were so relieved to finally be able to talk to Lizzie and air your worries, the experience only somewhat marred as your head kept spinning and you felt a little dizzy.

“You okay?” She asked, as a hot flush washed over you and you felt the colour drain from your face as soon as it departed.

“I feel funny,” you replied, your speech slurred by the speed at which the room had started spinning

Elisabeth grabbed a hold of your arm to ground you, “Hey, don’t faint on me, sweetheart,” she said, “Have you had much to eat today?”

You shook your head, instantly regretting it as it made your head spin faster. You felt Elisabeth move and you grabbed the edge of the table in an effort to keep yourself upright.

“You need sugar,” Elisabeth said, standing up to look through your cupboards.

“I have some in the pantry,” you told her, dropping your head down into your hands in an effort to stay conscious. Lizzie jogged down the corridor and came back into the room with a bag of sugar. She dumped two large tea spoons into a cup of freshly brewed coffee.

“Drink, you’ll feel better,” she said, moving the cup closer to you. The smell overpowered your senses and you stood, trying to escape or at least turn away as your stomach lurched, but you didn’t have the time to be sick because as soon as you stood, your vision faded to black and you hit the floor with a heavy thud.

When you came to, Elisabeth was kneeling beside you, fanning your face with a notepad she had found somewhere, “Y/n can you hear me? Are you okay?” she asked, you tried to get off of the floor but she stopped you with her hand, “Take it easy.”

“It’s okay, it’s happened a few times, I’ll be fine,” you said, placing a hand on the coffee table and trying to pull yourself up.

Elisabeth stopped you again, “A few times?! And Jake leaves you home alone like that?”

“No, I -- I haven’t told him. It’s nothing, just my periods,” you mumbled out, suddenly feeling a bit stupid for not telling him.

“Y/n, this isn’t normal. You need to see a doctor,” Elisabeth said, pulling you up and sitting you carefully on the couch before getting her purse from the door, fishing her car keys out of the side pocket.

You let out a sigh, “Liz --”

“Do not make me play the ‘mom’-card, Y/n. Do as you’re told,” she said sternly, using the same tone of voice that she used whenever she needed to make Beau do something he didn’t want to do.

---

The ride to urgent care was short and tense, Lizzie looking over at you every couple of seconds to make sure that you were still okay.

“I’m fine Liz, I’m not going to keel over,” you said, raising an eyebrow at her.

She sighed, “You might not keel over but that doesn’t mean I’m not still worried about you.”

You sighed, looking at the grey building that appeared in front of you as Liz pulled into the parking lot. She had an arm wrapped around you as she walked you inside and you checked in at the desk.

When the nurse called you back and brought you into a room, she asked you the routine questions: Have you been in before? Do you have a fever? Are you pregnant?. At the end of their questioning, you sat thinking about the last time you had a period, you’d been having all the usual symptoms but it hadn’t started yet.

The nurse left, telling you the doctor would be in soon, leaving you and Liz in a comfortable silence. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door and a short woman walked in.

“Mrs. Seresin?” she asked, looking at you sitting on the table.

“Yes, that’s me,” you said, smiling a little at your still fairly new title.

She nodded, coming to stand in front of you to do a basic examination, “I am Dr. Fielding, is there anything specific bothering you today?”

You explained the situation as she examined you and when she was done, and once she had looked over your chart, she said, “I think we need to do a blood test, you have been fainting recently and with the other strange behaviours I would hate to miss something, otherwise, physically, you seem fine.”

“Alright,” you agreed, “Whatever it takes.”

She nodded at you before leaving the room, “Nurse Amy will be back in soon to do the draw and we should have the results back in about an hour for you.”

Once your blood was drawn you and Lizzie settled into the uncomfortable waiting room chairs. After only thirty minutes, you were called back into the exam room, Dr. Fielding waiting for you.

“Mrs. Seresin, I am happy to tell you that you are pregnant, the blood work shows elevated amounts of HCG hormones indicating pregnancy. If I had to guess you are only a few weeks along,” she said, a small smile on your face.

You felt the world rock, and you were half convinced that there was an earthquake and no one else knew it. The first thing you wanted to do was call Jake, the thought of telling him exciting you and scaring you at the same time. What if he wasn’t happy that you were going to be having a baby so soon? What if he was excited? Then your mind wandered to his family, and how good he was with kids, and your heart stopped in your chest. What if you wouldn’t be a good mom? Jake had wonderful parents to look up to and yours were dead, and a shitty parent at best. What if you were no good? What if– your thoughts were cut off by the doctor speaking.

“This is a list of recommended prenatal vitamins for you to start taking and I would make an appointment with your gynaecologist or an OBGYN for a better estimate of the development of your baby,” she finished, “I’ll have Amy check you and you you should be good to leave, make sure you keep that blood sugar up.”

The next half hour felt like it passed you in a daze, Lizzie was excited for you and she chatted animatedly to you the whole ride home. Once she helped you inside and made sure you were settled in, she asked, “Do you want me to stay with you?”

“No that’s alright, I think I’m going to call Jake,” you said, trying to put a smile on your face for her benefit.

“Alright dear, well it was wonderful to see you, and I am so happy for you and Jake!” her excitement causing you to smile for a moment longer before you see her out.

As you close the door you called out after her, “Oh Liz?”

“Yeah?” she asked, turning to look at you.

“Will you keep this a secret from Beau for a bit? I want to tell him my own way,” you requested, hoping she would agree.

She smiled brightly, a devious look in her eye at the thought of surprising her husband, “Oh of course! I wouldn’t want to take that moment from you. Let me know if you need any help planning anything okay?”

“Okay, I will. Drive safe!” you called out before stepping inside and closing the door.

Once it was shut you pulled out your phone and wrapped your now shaking frame in the throw blanket that you kept out on the couch. You clicked on Jake’s contact, the icon saved to your home screen under Hubby. You paced in front of the windows of your living room a few times before pressing the call button.

When you pressed call, it didn’t even ring before being sent to voicemail. Your heart hurt, and tears sprung into your eyes. He probably didn’t have a signal and he didn’t expect you to be pregnant, but there was something inside you that screamed Why didn’t he pick up the phone? Does he know? How could he possibly know? Maybe he- you shook your head, trying to block out the intrusive thoughts that were trying to take over your mind. You tapped on Annie’s number in your contacts, hoping she’d answer. The phone rang three times before finally clicking through, “Hello?” she spoke into the receiver

“Hey, how are you?” you asked. Now that you had made contact, telling her suddenly seemed like a monumentally terrible idea.

“Err, I’m okay, I’m working,” your sister replied, clearly unsettled. You never usually called during the weekend, and certainly not while she was working. The last time anyone had done that it had been to tell her about the passing of your grandmother, “Is everything okay?” she asked, worry laced in her voice.

You couldn’t back out now, you had to tell her, because she’d never buy that you wanted to catch up and quite frankly, you weren’t sure you would be able to keep yourself from crying much longer.

“Are you okay?” she asked again, apologising as she made her way through the throngs of children she had been supervising during afternoon garden playtime and into a more private area where she no longer had to strain her ears to listen to you. You heard a door shut behind her and suddenly the ambient noise of the garden, the children and the blowing wind disappeared, much to your relief, you hadn’t realised how much the sound of kids had been making you feel worse.

“I’m okay,” you lied, “I’m pregnant!” you tried to sound excited, but tears bubbled in your throat and your voice came out wobbly and uncertain.

“Oh my goodness! That’s amazing!” she screamed, “I’m so excited! Does Jake know? Ooh! Are you going to do one of those cute Pinterest reveals? Oh my god this is going to be so great! You HAVE to film it and send it to me, I want to see his face! How far along are you? Are you--”

“ANNIE!” you snapped, “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean -- I’m so sorry,” you sobbed, your legs buckling underneath you and dropping you onto the floor with a painful crack of your knees.

“Is there something wrong with the baby?” she asked. You could practically see her standing there in front of you, one hand clasped in front of her mouth, a horrified expression on her face, it made you feel so much worse.

“No,” you whispered, “There’s something wrong with me.”

“What do you mean? Do you need me to fly over? Is Jake with you?” she asked, her words coming out in a panicked rush, and you could hear her rustling around in the background of the call.

“Annie, what if I turn out like mum?” you said, “What if I hate them? What if something happens to Jake and I turn out like her?”

Annie was quiet for a second, “Honey, that’s never going to happen,” she whispered into the receiver, “It’ll never happen because if anything happens to my niece or nephew I will come down to California and kill you,” she joked, eliciting a watery laugh from you.

“In all seriousness, Y/n, I think you’re going to be an amazing mom. You’re kind, you’re caring, you’re gentle, and most importantly, you’re willing. This is what you have wanted since you were old enough to understand, mom… Mom became a mom because she thought that was what the world wanted. She had us to become the picture perfect family and when dad died, she couldn’t be bothered with keeping up appearances,” she said, “You wouldn’t know, because we don’t really talk about this, but when dad died, mom didn’t get any worse. The only thing that changed was that she didn’t talk to us anymore. Before then, dad took care of us, brought us to school and helped us with the homework. Her contribution as a parent extended to showing up at PTA meetings, dressing us all nice for school pictures and dishing up punishment whenever she thought we needed it. Mom was never good.”

“What if I find out it’s not what I wanted? What if I hold my baby and I look at it and I realise I made all the good bits up?” you sobbed

“Oh you will. You’ll hold the crying kid in your arms and your ears will ring and you’ll be desperate for sleep and you’ll wonder why on earth you even made the nugget. And then it’ll say ‘mamma’ and it’ll waddle over to you, or wave or smile for the first time, it’ll give you their first drawing and you’ll get it, even if the drawing is terrible, or they fall and hit their head and cry some more. Y/n, every season in life will have regrets, you can’t always be happy. You won’t get everything you want, and that’s good, because if you did you wouldn’t appreciate life as much as you do. Let me put it in terms you understand,” she chuckled, “If humans were awake and energetic all the time, we’d never have invented coffee.”

You laughed a little, “Promise me that if I ever fail at being a mom, you’ll be on the next plane over,” you said, growing a little more serious.

“Pinky promise. If you fail at being a mom, I will personally come and set your head straight. But I won’t need to, because if you were going to fail at being a mom, you wouldn’t have called. And if you were going to fail at being a mom, you wouldn’t have spent so much of your life trying not to be like mom,” she said, “I take it you haven’t told Jake?”

“No, I tried calling but he’s spending the weekend with youth ministry leaders and they’re in Joshua Tree with horrible cell service,” you explained

“Don’t forget he’s there too, yeah? He wants this as much as you and I’m sure he’ll have his own little freakout about being a good dad, so when the time comes, let him. Let him figure things out, let him have a couple of firsts, both good and bad. I know it’ll be hard, but you have nine months more than he does to bond with baby, so let him catch up a little. And he’ll fuck up, just like you will, but if you’re going to expect him to help shoulder all the burdens, he’s gotta go through the learning process too,” she said, “Speaking of learning process, having kids doesn’t come with a manual, but I’ve been a preschool teacher for ten years, so if you have a question, I’m here. And I’ll give you a little more free advice: pray. For the good things, the bad things, for everything. And read the bible, too. I think Proverbs 31 gives you a good blueprint on how to be,” she finished.

You walked up to your shrine and opened up your bible to the book of Proverbs and turned the pages till you hit Proverbs 31, you read through the entire verse twice, your eyes flicking down to the end. "Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.’"

““Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death,” you whispered, putting your phone away after hanging up, “Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for me so that I may be the mother my children need. Pray for me so that my children may rise up and call me blessed.”

—

Jake knelt down on the uncomfortable floor of the wooden cabin, the badly hammered nails digging into his legs. He leaned against the bed, hoping to alleviate some of the pain and brought his hands together in front of his head.

“Our Father, Who art in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name, Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our tresspasses, as we forgive those who have trespassed against us, and Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from Evil,” Jake spoke, his voice echoed by Henry, doing the same behind him.

He lowered his voice, wanting privacy for the next bit, “Father, I thank you for the opportunities you have given me. Thank you for the people you have brought into my life and thank you for the people you have taken out. Thank you for creating the people I love and for the people I dislike too, I hope all who deserve it feel Your love and obey Your Will. Please keep Y/n safe and healthy. She hasn’t been feeling well these past few weeks, and I worry about her. Please keep Bob, Maria, my team and my parents and friends in your thoughts too,” Jake whispered,

“I confess, Father, that I have been impatient. I know You will Bless us when we are ready but waiting has been torture, I find myself unable to think about anything other than having a little one of our own and how much happiness it would bring us. I ask that you help me remember Romans 8:25: "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." when times become hard,” he continued.

“Lord, I pray that you might guide me, and help me use the gifts you have given me. You know what I need and what I want, Father, and I pray my life may be filled with some of both. Amen,” he finished, using the bed to stand up, rubbing his knees free of the bumps and dips caused by the rough floor of the cabin.

He climbed into bed, pulling the duvet up to his chest, feeling cramped and claustrophobic on the tiny single bed and terribly lonely without you laying right beside him. He had been tired when the evening had come to a close but now that he was there, sleep wouldn’t come. He seemed to be the only one suffering from insomnia, though, as Henry had begun snoring as soon as his head hit the pillow, causing Jake to wonder how park rangers hadn’t already been called for breaking the 60 decibel noise ordinance.

He tossed and turned for twenty more minutes, the words he had prayed reverberating in his head so loud that he was getting a headache and finally harmonising with Henry so perfectly that it was slowly driving him insane.

Unable to take it any longer, Jake stood up and went for a walk. Walking along the main trail until he hit a fork in the road. He had taken this road not even an hour ago, but they had taken flashlights then and Jake had forgotten his phone, in the moonlight, he was entirely incapable of remembering which way to take. He concentrated, trying to hear the gentle noises of the river they had eaten next to but he couldn’t find it in the ambient noise of the forest, moving with the breeze. Then, carried by the wind, the sound of a quiet melody came through from his right. Throwing all caution to the wind, Jake took that path and walked down until he hit a small clearing.

The bonfire they had made was still going strong, and in the flickering light of the flames, Bob carefully strummed the chords of Jake’s guitar. Seeing him standing there in the shadow of the trees, Bob stopped.

“Couldn’t sleep?” he called out.

Jake shook his head, “Thinking too loud,” he confessed.

“You’re bunking with Henry and your thoughts are too loud? My, you must really be worried,” Bob chuckled.

“Not worried,” Jake replied, “Okay maybe a little worried,” he admitted, “We’re trying for a baby.”

“I thought you were going to wait a while?” Bob asked, bending over the guitar’s neck to fiddle with the strings, pretending to be doing something to avoid making Jake uncomfortable. He had been his friend long enough to know that showing any emotion except happiness made him intensely uncomfortable, and that Jake seemed to have an easier time talking when Bob pretended not to be listening.

“There’s a history of difficulties with conceiving in Y/n’s family, we figured we’d start trying now, you know… In case it takes a while,” Jake said, his eyes trained on the fire.

“Ah,” Bob said, “That’s fair. How’s Y/n feeling about it?”

“Well, it’s been two months and we’re both feeling pretty impatient,” he replied, “It’s hard to just … let things happen.. You know?”

“I know,” Bob agreed, leaning back behind him to fish two sodas out of the cooler and giving one to Jake, “I was feeling the same about meeting someone before Maria,” he admitted.

Jake sighed heavily before continuing, “And I’m honestly scared shitless that once we have a kid, we’ll -- I’ll fuck shit up.”

“If it makes you feel better, the Lord seems pretty forgiving about that,” Bob said, trying to add the shame and the sound of his thumping heart with a nervous chuckle.

“What do you mean?” Jake asked, looking up at Bob, his voice laced with concern, “You haven’t fucked anything up with Maria, I had her on the phone like, this week, she seemed fine.”

“I fucked up,” Bob replied, “We fucked up,” he added, his voice low enough that it could have been covered up by the crackle of the roaring fire.

“Floyd, what did you do?” Jake asked, his voice almost as threatening as it had been the night of the bar fight.

“I…nothing, nevermind,” Bob tried, taking a sip of the Sprite he had pulled from the cooler.

Jake let out a laugh, “It’s too late for that Bobby-boy, tell me what you did.”

“I don’t know man, you are her brother, I don’t need to get the shit beat out of me on a Church retreat…” Bob said, his voice trailing off on the last word.

“Should have fucking thought of that before doing anything to my sister,” Jake said, the threat of bodily harm evident in the tone of his voice.

“Hey, hey, hey! I didn’t do anything she didn’t ask me to do, okay,” Bob exclaimed in outrage at the accusation, “This fuck up is on both of us!”

Jake heaved out a large sigh before demanding, “Last time. What. Did. You. Do?”

“Nothing… -- We didn’t sleep together,” Bob said nervously, his hands gesturing wildly in front of him, “Qualifies as heavy petting at most.”

Jake grabbed the collar of his shirt, standing up and lifting Bob up with him. For an agonising minute, Bob thought Jake might punch him but as soon as Jake had lifted up a fist, he had lowered it again, “I can’t really say anything, just -- just take care of her, you know, and keep the rest of it for the wedding night.”

“I take it y’all did the same?” Bob asked, one hand coming up to run through his hair as Jake let him go and stepped back.

“Absolutely not,” Jake replied, his voice sounding final.

Bob winced at the tone, “I didn’t mean to --”

“Got so close though,” Jake chuckled, “And I was the one to stop it, if you’ll believe that.”

Letting out a laugh Bob replied, “Now you’re just making things up.”

“You wound me,” Jake said, raising a hand up to his pec, looking down at it like he was trying to keep himself from bleeding out, “Look at me, wounded,” he joked.

“So you’re not mad?” Bob asked, his voice nervous.

“I never said that, but I don’t get to judge,” Jake replied, “Not my job. And if He forgives you for it then there’s no reason I shouldn’t either.”

Bob nodded, staring at the bonfire’s dying flames, “Pray for me and I’ll pray for you?” he offered, “For the baby, I mean.”

“Now?” Jake asked.

Bob shrugged, “Seems as good a time as any…” he said, “I’ll start if you want?”

Jake shook his head, “I think I know the right way to start,” he said. Jake took a deep breath, pausing for a second to gather himself, looking up at Bob, he started into one of his favourite prayers, “Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death,” he paused, waiting to see if Bob would take it from there.

“Holy Mary we pray to you today so the Lord may bless Jake and Y/n with the child they desperately want, and that when the time comes and they fall pregnant, that Y/n may be healthy and enjoy every minute of the nine months their blessing will take to arrive. I pray Saint Joseph guides Jake along the path of Fatherhood, and that you, Saint Mary, help Y/n become the mother the child needs and that she would have liked as a girl. I hope the child is healthy and happy, that they learn to follow the Word and that they never stray far from His teachings,” he said, then, stealing a side glance at Jake, he added, “I also pray that Jake and Y/n learn to be more patient, and listen to Galatians 6:9, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time --” Bob began, his retelling of the verse rudely interrupted by a sharp slap to the back of his head.

“You’re a prick,” Jake said before adding, “Mother, Mary, please watch over Bob and Maria, and remind them of Romans 8:25, “But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”

Bob let out a laugh, “I’m the prick?” he asked, before concluding the prayer, “Please guide us both closer to your immaculate self, and let our actions honour God’s will. Amen.”

“Amen,” Jake said a second later.

“Well that was interesting,” Bob said with a laugh.

Jake rolled his eyes, “You are the biggest shit stirrer I’ve ever met, you know that?”

“Yeah, I do,” Bob said with a smile, “Soon I’ll be your family too, no way of getting rid of me now.”

“I don’t know, I think I could probably bury you out here somewhere, help Maria move on with….Coyote, yeah Coyote,” Jake said, one brow raised.

Bob let out a nervous laugh, the colour draining from his face, “You wouldn’t,” he said, his tone contradicting his words.

Jake just let out a deep laugh, almost falling off the log he was sitting on, “You’re right, I wouldn’t. But that has more to do with the fact that Maria scares me than my self control.”

Bob nodded, a smile cracking over his face, “She is a little scary, isn’t she?”

“When she wants to be,” Jake said, “But who do you think taught her that?”

“It wasn’t you Bagman,” Bob said with a laugh, “I believe wholeheartedly that it was your mom.”

“You might be right there, she and Nonna have this way about them,” Jake said, shivering slightly at the thought of his mom and grandma’s abilities to scare people.

Checking his watch, he realised the time, “Well Bobby, we should probably get back to bed.”

Bob nodded, “Yeah, you gonna be able to sleep?”

“Probably not, but that’s what the coffee is for right?” Jake asked, a tired smile on his face.

Bob just nodded, “It’ll give you practice for when the baby you’re trying for comes along.”

Jake just laughed as the two of them stood up and made their way back to the cabins in a comfortable silence.

—

It started about twenty-five miles outside of Joshua Tree, the ringing. Jake and Bob’s phones were blowing up with notifications all at once. Things they hadn’t seen all weekend due to their lack of service.

Bob picked up his phone, scrolling through the notifications, “Um..Jake?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Jake said, glancing over at him, “What’s up?” he asked, upon seeing the concerned look on Bob’s face.

“There’s an email here, titled, ‘Father John’s Funeral Arrangements’,” he said, sounding confused, “And I have ten missed calls from Cheryl, you know the Church’s scheduling secretary?”

“Are you…Are you serious?” he asked, his attention now solely focused on Bob.

“Jake, watch the road!” Bob shouted, and Jake cussed as he looked forward and saw a line of stopped traffic, slamming on the brakes and steering the truck off onto the sandy shoulder, he just missed the minivan in front of him.

Bob looked at him concerned, “You good man?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Are you okay?” Jake asked, making sure that the rough stop didn’t cause any damage to any of the cars around him.

“I’m alright, I think we need to stay here a minute though, call the church,” Bob said quietly.

Jake just nodded, he and Father John weren’t the closest but he did think that the man was a damn good priest. He heard Bob talking to who he assumed was Cheryl on the phone as he watched Henry’s truck pull up behind him, the man got out and walked to Jake’s window.

Just as Jake rolled it down, Bob hung up the phone.

“You boys alright?” Henry asked, “I know you’ve got a new wife Jake but really shouldn’t be on the phone and driving.”

“I wasn’t,” Jake answered, a little offended that the man thought so little of him. Before he could defend himself further, Bob cut in, “Father John passed away last night,” he said quietly.

“What?” Henry asked, his eyes growing large as he looked between Bob and Jake.

“We got emails about it, you’re on them too,” Jake said, grabbing his own phone from the console, he unlocked it to see that you had called him several times and left several messages. There were about a hundred unopened notifications, twenty of them from you.

He closed his eyes, rubbing his head with his baseball cap before placing it snugly back on. Bob and Henry were talking and the rest of the men were probably wondering what was happening, “Alright,” Jake said, interrupting the conversation, “Let’s get home, there’s nothing we can do for anyone stuck three hours away with limited phone service, right?”

Bob nodded, “He’s right Henry, Cheryl said that they were following Father John’s wishes and that one of the other priests from our sister church would cover masses until a replacement can be assigned by the diocese.”

Henry let out a strangled sigh, “You’re right, let’s get home.”

Jake rolled up his window and merged back into traffic, his phone still in his hand, all the messages from you were increasingly more concerning.

Saturday 12-noon

Mine <3: Jake, call me when you can.

Mine <3: It’s important.

Saturday 1 PM

Mine <3: I don’t know what to do, I need to talk to you.

Saturday 3PM

Mine <3: Not being able to tell you this is making me feel sick.

Mine <3: Please call when you are able.

Saturday 10PM

Mine <3: Jake, where are you?

Mine <3: I need to get you a sat phone next time.

Saturday 12-midnight

Mine <3: Please call me soon.

Mine <3: I don’t want you to hear this from anyone else.

Sunday 8AM

Mine <3: No mass this morning

Mine <3: When you get back into range you will know why

Mine <3: Call me when you can.

Jake didn’t know what to do, when he tried to call, his phone said it didn’t have enough service. The messages weren’t much more descriptive than the texts, just saying that the two of you needed to talk and that you had news.

He drove on, him and Bob sitting in a tense silence, by the time they had service again, Jake’s nerves were fried. He hit the call button on your contact as soon as he was able and had the phone pressed to his ear, “Come on baby, pick up, pick up, pick up…” he said under his breath. Jake could feel Bob’s eyes on him, but he didn’t care if his friend heard the call, he just had to know that your messages were about what he thought they were and not something to do with you.

Finally, on the fourth ring, you picked up the phone. Glancing at the dash, Jake realised that you had probably gone back to sleep after the eight o’clock messages, considering it was only eleven now.

“Jake?” you asked, your voice a little rough from disuse.

“Baby? What’s wrong?” Jake asked, “I got all of your messages, and a few more. We know about Father John,” he rushed out, “What did you need to talk to me about?”

He heard you take a deep breath on the other side of the line and there was only a moment’s hesitation before you answered, “Oh, that was it. I just wanted to spare you from finding out from someone else is all,” you said.

“Are you sure that’s it?” Jake asked, “It sounded like there was something else. Have you been to the doctor?”

Another pause before, “No that’s it. I made an appointment for this week,” you said in reply.

“Okay, we are on our way back. I’ll be home in a few hours,” he said, still not totally convinced there wasn’t something else wrong.

“I’ll see you then, do you and Bob want me to make you something for lunch?” you asked, hoping a change in conversation would help distract him from your earlier panicked text messages.

“Sure, anything you want to make would be great,” he replied, “See you soon honey.”

“I love you,” he heard you say softly.

Jake’s mouth quirked up in a small smile, “I love you too.”

A second after he hung up the phone, Bob asked, “Everything alright?”

“I think so,” he replied, “I don’t know, she seemed like she was hiding something but I’m not sure what it would be. She has been acting strange recently.”

“Are you sure she isn’t pregnant?” Bob asked, trying to lighten the mood some.

Jake shrugged, trying to put the pieces together, “If that’s all it is, I’m going to be the happiest man in the world.”

Bob nodded, “I’m sure she is fine, you’ll know when you get home anyway.”

“Yeah, maybe she is just waiting to tell me when I get home,” Jake agreed, feeling a little lighter even though his mood was thoroughly soured by the passing of their church’s most trusted guide.

---

You were sitting in Jake’s truck, waiting for him to come back out of the house. He had been on edge ever since he had received the news about Father John, with his mission coming up at work and you being ‘ill’ he had a lot on his plate. He rushed out of the house, his tie held in his hand, and a few notecards almost falling out of his pocket. He climbed into the driver’s seat of the truck and put it into gear, backing out of the driveway and almost taking out your mailbox in his hurry.

“Jake!” you chastised, “We are only running a few minutes late and we are still an hour early for the funeral. It’s going to be alright,” you said, taking his hand in yours across the console and gently prying the tie from his grip. “Take a deep breath,” you tried, squeezing his hand in yours.

He glanced over at you, an annoyed expression on his face. You raised an eyebrow at him, rubbing one thumb over the back of his hand, he turned his attention back to the road for a moment before looking back at you. He took a deep breath, pushing it out and you felt his hand relax in yours.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his eyes now focused on the road, “I’ve been a bit of an ass haven’t I?” he asked, his mind wandering back through the events of the morning. You hadn’t been feeling well and laid in bed much later than usual. When you struggled out of bed to make breakfast, against Jake’s insistence that he could do it, you had gotten sick at the smell of his coffee. Then Bob called and said that the florist had not yet delivered the flowers from the parish to Father John’s funeral service, then Decan Dan had called him and asked if Jake could give a short eulogy. With the mission coming up and all of the other things piled up on top, Jake hadn’t been in a good mood at all today. He took another deep breath, risking a glance over at you to see if you were mad, he had been rather short with you earlier.

“It’s alright, you are under a lot of stress right now,” you said, giving him a reassuring smile. While you loved him dearly, you knew that when Jake was feeling overwhelmed he had a tendency to snap out at people, it didn’t happen often and that didn’t make it okay, but in this case you had decided to let it go. The two of you had bigger fish to fry, Jake just didn’t know it yet.

“Have you been to the doctor yet?” he asked, his brows creasing in the middle as he slowed down to stop for a red light. Turning to look at you he just missed the look of guilt that had settled over you. It had been almost a week since Elizabeth had forced you to the urgent care for a check up where you discovered that you were pregnant. You just hadn’t been able to find a way to tell Jake.

“I have an appointment for later this week,” you replied, which wasn’t exactly a lie, you did have an appointment at the OBGYN for them to do a preliminary check on the baby.

“Okay, good,” he said, his brows still creased as he accelerated, the light turning green, “You don’t think there’s anything seriously wrong do you?” he asked quietly, you almost didn’t hear him.

“I’m sure that I’m fine, probably just too much stress from being in contact with you all the time,” you said, trying to lighten the mood.

Jake sighed, his face contorting into something that almost resembled anger, “It’s not funny Y/n, what if you have cancer, what if you are dying?” he asked seriously.

“I feel like I would know if I was dying, Jake,” you tried again, you were starting to get nervous, you were only a few minutes from the church and your goal had been to calm him down not rile him up more.

He opened his mouth to say something, but you stopped him with a raise of your hand, “I know I’ve had some weird symptoms recently but I think it could just be my hormones since I quit my birth control,” you said, trying to brush over the topic.

Jake’s mouth snapped shut and he guided the truck into the church’s almost empty parking lot. He flicked the key off and the humm of the engine cut out, leaving the two of you to sit in silence for a moment. You were going to try and say something again but at that moment Jake threw open his door and got out. You watched as he closed it, a little harder than necessary, before he wiped a hand down his face looking frustrated.

You knew that it would only piss him off further if you opened the door for yourself so you waited for him to come around to your side of the truck. When he opened the door for you, presenting you with his hand, you swung your legs across the seat, taking his hand, you pulled him towards you with a sharp tug. Jake wasn’t expecting it and he moved somewhat surprised towards the truck.

Reaching out, you tucked the collar of his shirt up, taking the tie you had saved from his grip earlier and slipping it around his neck. Wrapping it around itself and pulling the long end through, you tugged it gently until the knot rose to the top, just under his neck. Tucking the sides of his collar back down, you smoothed your hands over his chest, using the lapels of his suit jacket to pull him into a gentle kiss.

As the two of you parted he let out a quiet sigh, one of his hands resting on your cheek and the other on your thigh playing with the hem of your black dress, “I just don’t understand why you aren’t more worried,” he said, his eyes raising from your lap to your eyes.

You opened your mouth to respond but he interrupted you, “No you had your turn to talk and now I get mine. You are my wife and I love and respect you dearly, but I am worried about you. Baby you went from drinking seven billion cups of coffee a day to throwing up at the smell of it. You have been acting strangely, eating pickles, and been overly emotional, and I mean that in the nicest way. I just think there is something wrong, and –”

Jake was cut off by you pulling him into a kiss, he tried to pull back from you to say something else, but your grip on him was too tight. When you finally parted, you rested your forehead against his, “You wonderful, stupid, caring man,” you said quietly opening your eyes to look into his.

You couldn’t wait any longer to tell him, you couldn’t keep him in any more suspense, “I’m pregnant, Jake,” you said, pulling back some so you could watch his face for a reaction, “I found out this weekend, Lizzie made me go to urgent care when I fainted and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I just didn’t know how and I wanted it to be spec–”

Jake cut you off with another kiss, you could feel him smiling widely, his lips tight against yours. He pulled away with a laugh, taking a few steps away from you and the truck before turning back and pulling you into his arms in a tight hug, “Really?” was all he could think to ask.

“Yes,” you replied, pulling him tighter to you, “The woman at urgent care said maybe two weeks along, but I have an appointment this week with my doctor to get a better estimate.”

“Why were you in urgent care?” he asks suddenly concerned, “Wait, did you say that you fainted? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to worry,” you said quietly, the look of joy slowly melting off your face.

“Hey, you’re my wife, you can tell me anything, especially if it has to do with your health, okay?” Jake asked, “Promise me you’ll tell me if something is wrong in the future?”

You nodded, “I promise,” you said and he pressed a quick kiss to your forehead.

He helped you down from the truck, one hand braced against your nonexistent bump and the other supporting your back, a huge smile splitting his face.

“Honey?” you asked him.

“Yeah?” he replied, taking your hand and locking the truck.

You hesitated for a moment, not wanting to ruin his fun, “We are about to attend a funeral,” you said rather bluntly.

Jake looked at you, his face still forming a smile as he said, “Yes I know that,” he replied.

“Well you might want to try and wipe the smile off of your face then,” you told him with a giggle of your own, “Don’t want anyone thinking you’re glad the good father is dead or anything.”

Jake spluttered at your comment, the smile still on his face, “I don’t know if I can,” he said, trying his hardest to look sad. You just shook your head at him as you entered the church.

You helped Jake set up the church for the funeral, placing flower arrangements and pictures around the space, by the time you were done, the church was looking forlorn but brighter. The new priest who was going to be taking over for Father John was supposed to hold the funeral mass for the older priest and Jake was talking him through a few things. By the time people started to file into the church, you had taken a seat in a pew, feeling a bit light headed.

You pulled out a bottle of Gatorade, taking a sip and closing your eyes, letting the sugary drink work its way into your system.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Elisabeth asked, sitting down next to you, placing a hand on your leg.

"A little dizzy," you replied, opening your eyes to see her looking at you with a bright smile, "This is so exciting! Have you thought of how to tell Jake?"

“How to tell Jake what?” Bob asked, scaring the life from you.

“Um, to tell Jake that…I broke a nail,” you said, your lie as unconvincing as the face you made trying to think of it. You could see Lizzie roll her eyes at your poor attempt at lying over Bob’s shoulder.

“You’re pregnant aren’t you?” he asked, a knowing look on his face.

You tried to cover up the shock that struck you but all that could come out of your mouth was, “How did you know?”

“It was the way you talked to Jake on the phone last weekend, and how he’s smiling today. He can’t hide any emotion that crosses his mind can he?” Bob asked, chuckling a little, “Congratulations, I’m really happy for you two.”

You nibbled your bottom lip, "Thank you, he was so worried and so scared and I just couldn't keep it from him!" you whisper shouted, a small smile etched on your lips.

"You should have, he looks as happy as he did on your wedding day," she giggled, "People will get the wrong idea."

"What's up with Jake," Cyclone asked, joining his wife on the pew next to you.

"Err.." Lizzie offered.

“Jake’s sister-in-law is pregnant, we got the news five minutes ago,” you replied.

“That’s wonderful, but people are starting to notice,” Cyclone said, “Mrs. McCreedy has already asked me if you were pregnant, because that’s the only reason she could think of for him to be smiling.”

“Huh,” Bob said, “Well… That was a fairly close guess…”

Cyclone hummed, he turned around to wave down Peter and Matthew, the triplets having been left at home with a new babysitter. They were still too young to properly grasp the concept of a funeral and as this one was open casket, as per Father John’s request, The Simpsons’ didn’t really want to have to deal with the questions as well as manage their own grief.

The boys shimmied into the pew, walking past their parents to sit as close to you as possible.

“How are you two holding up?” you asked, wrapping your arms around the boys.

“I’m doing okay, but Matthew hasn’t slept too well since Father John’s falls,” Peter leaned in close to whispered into your ear, “He’s been having nightmares,”

“I have not!” Matthew protests, a deep blush turning his ears a dark burgundy and slowly creeping down his neck. Behind him, Elisabeth mouthed ‘He has’. You looked at Matthew with a frown, gently running your hand through his hair.

“There’s nothing wrong with having nightmares, it doesn’t make you any less brave. Jake and I have nightmares, and I’m sure Daddy does too,” you said, “And Peter used to have nightmares when he was your age.”

“No I didn’t! You’re a liar,” he exclaimed, jumping up from the seat, attracting looks from the people in the pews around you.

“Oh, so I didn’t have to hold you while you fell asleep after you watched an episode of Thomas The Tank Engine?” you asked him, your tone questioning.

“No,” he answered too quickly, “I’m not scared of a cartoon,” he added.

Matthew smiled next to him, “So if I ask to watch it later --”

“If you do that I will hide Mamma’s creepy old doll in your bed,” Peter said quickly.

The smile vanished from Matthew’s face and the two boys settled down, their parents both giving them harsh looks for drawing attention during the funeral. Jake helped to lead the proceedings and by the end of the services, the smile he was trying so hard to keep off of his face was still there.

“Mr. Seresin,” Mrs. McCreedy called, “Why is it that you have been smiling this whole service, is there something good you’d like to share with the group.”

You quickly joined Jake’s side, plastering a smile on your own face before answering, “Well Mrs. McCreedy, just before the service we received word from Texas that our Sister-in-law is expecting another baby,” you said excitedly, “And we are just so thrilled for them.”

When Jake looked at you, a bit of confusion on his face, you nudged him, hard. He immediately turned back to the older woman, “Oh yes, my brother Tony’s wife is expecting another little one,” he said with a smile.

“Well,” Mrs. McCreedy said with a smile, “How blessed for them, maybe the two of you will be so lucky soon enough.”

“We hope so,” you replied.

Once everyone had a convincing story as to why Jake couldn’t keep the smile off his face, the rest of the day went rather smoothly. On the way home, he looked at you and you could feel the question he was about to ask, “We don’t tell anyone yet but our families,” you said quietly, “I just, I want to keep our little bean a secret a while longer, so they are just ours.”

Jake nodded, “Alright, if that’s what you want darlin’.”

“I was thinking we could ask Bob and Maria to be the Godparents, what do you think?” you asked him, taking his hand in yours.

Jake gave you his megawatt smile before answering, “I think that sounds great, I’m sure they will be so honoured.”

You smiled back at him, bringing his hand down to rest on your still flat stomach for the rest of the drive home.

#fanfic #top gun fanfiction #top gun maverick #top gun x reader #fanfiction #original fic #hangman x reader #jake hangman seresin #jake seresin #hangman top gun

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jasminewalkerauthor · 7 months

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My writing process

So a few of you have been wanting a post about my writing process and so here we finally are, I thought that I would go through it as my process is weirdly systematic even though I didn't intend it to be. For this I will be using my book 'The house of hidden miracles' as example as it is my most recent release and also a standalone so I don't accidentally spoil anything for future releases.

A little disclaimer that this is my personal process, which may not work for everyone, I advise that you look over this to pick out ideas that you think may work for you.

Planning

So I have been coming up for ideas for books long before I started publishing so I actually have a release schedule that at the moment goes as far as october of 2026 but I am aware that this is very much a me thing and you definitely do not need a schedule going that far.

Anyway so when starting the planning stage of a book I make an idea dump doc, this tends to be a page to a page and a half of bullet points to get the general idea down and is mainly my internal monologue. In this I try to identify a vibe for the book, note inspirations to look at, and an idea of main characters (you can see with a snippet of my idea dump below)

As you can see it is a little messy but it doesnt need to be final, not all of these ideas even made the final cut (for example i did not block it out in months, charlie and will were not roommates, and the christmas party turned into a solstice ball)

From there I made jamboard profiles of characters and notable locations (also i found out recently that jamboard is being shutdown soon and i am heartbroken) from here i flesh out the character properly, adding details that may not exactly be mentioned but influence the vibe when writing. An example for the main character, ivy, is below

Then finally I block out chapters, first writing a general timeline of events before writing short, paragraph summaries for each chapter. Unrelated really but this also tends to be the point that I make spotify playlists for the project.

Drafting

I tend to have four or five drafts for books but there is no real set amount that you should or shouldn't have for a book. For this book in particular I actually wrote my first draft in script format but that is only effective for certain projects in my opinion.

The biggest problem I find with drafting is keeping the motivation to keep writing, I personally try to write at least 500 words a day but I know that this method is known to only work for some people. While writing I also listen to either the playlist I have created for that project, classical music, or the doctor who soundtrack (do not knock it til you try it, you will be surprised how much it hypes you up to write)

Editing

If you ask any author, editing and formatting books can be more tedious than actually writing it. I am very lucky to have a group of friends who are more than happy to proof read for me and I really reccomend getting a fresh set of eyes on your project as you will be surprised just how much you will miss.

It is during this stage that I also start working on book covers and promotion for the project, I usually use photopea for this but if you have a software that you are more familiar with.

And that is about it for my writing process, I hope y'all find this interesting and possibly a bit helpful :)

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dallonm-archive · 3 years

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[image description: a wideshot of the san francisco skyline, tinted orange by a sunset. Above the skyline, in a white serif font reads "REVELATIONS, REVELATIONS." in all caps. below, in lower caps reads "update #2" /end id]

Revelations, Revelations | Update #2

Hey besties! I've got a funky little RR update

I've had a little bit of a love hate relationship with this book in the last two months but I am loving it right now! I think my struggles came from how I didn't really accept that this book is Hard to write. like it's complicated! and it's set in another country in another era like idk what to tell you! And accepting that was such a weight off my shoulders because I'm not putting the blame on myself. I also was really stuck in part one's problems and I had to be like <3 bestie <3 abandon it til post draft editing. So right now it's like:

Part one: I see it as a little stray cat in an alleyway that I kneel down in front of like pspspsp :) and then it hisses and bites me because it is actually a feral raccoon. Definitely not where I want it to be but like I can fix him

Part two: super fun!! A lot of deeper (and messier) elements are introduced here and I feel like the story's ~vibes~ have clicked. It's a lot of fun and it's getting complex. Whilst there's conflict going on in part one there's definitely this false sense of stability and then part two hits all of them like a baseball bat

My drafting has been much more chill and non linear too, just writing the scenes I want to and then connecting them together. I've been focused less on rich prose/descriptions and more on prose that explores character and it's been very refreshing! I love my flowery prose but I think it's easy to get caught up in. I'm also no longer going to do chapter by chapter updates, both for plot privacy but also because this story is very delicate both in content and the drafting process and I don't just want to expose the bare bones of that, you know? So I'm just gonna do some sectioned rambles and talk about a couple chapters under the cut!

also no longer doing multiple taglists because i can't keep up so! general taglist, ask to be added or removed! ; @kowlazovdi @avi-burton-writing @ryns-ramblings @kitblogsthings @ezrathings @aetherwrites @radiomacbeth @bijouxs @bookphobe @haldimilks @alicewestwater @bookpacking @shaelinwrites @onlyganymede @theelectricfactory @write-like-babs @oceancold @veiliza @sidhewrites @wolf-oak @oasis-of-you @coffeeandcalligraphy @cecilsstorycorner @howdywrites @keira-is-writing @flip-phones @svpphicwrites

Only major change to report is I switched to alternate POVs instead of multiple chapters at a time in one POV because I'm insane <3 I had a lot of fun braiding POVs in Life Cycle of Massive Stars and wanted to try it here and it works much better! Though at this point I am simply ignoring the existence of part 1 because it really was the guinea pig part LMAO i experimented so much with structure and form and now it's a mess but it's <3 a future problem <3 i'd rather have one messy part than a whole first draft that's behind on my growing ~vision~ of the story.

[image description: a slightly purple tinted photo of two arms extending from the top and bottom of the photo, cropped to only show their hands. Their index fingers touch. in the middle, in a white serif font reads "dorothy" /end id]

Not a chapter, I had a lot of trouble with Dorothy in part 1 but I still love her so instead y'all are getting a mini character ramble! I felt really bad about her for the longest time because I've only been writing her since last summer whereas I've known Felix since like 2018 so there's naturally an imbalance, but I Do Not like that!! And she's really taken her time revealing herself, but I am ~fascinated by her.

I feel she's best summarised by this disillusionment for her life but mostly herself, because she's framed her whole identity by illusory perceptions of other people: a mother she doesn't remember, a girlfriend she breaks up with every six months but still shares a bed with, a twin brother she hasn't seen in person for four years and still sees as a teenager drenched in religious manipulation. It's a lot! She assumes that she feels dissatisfied with her life because she's without her twin, but then Felix returns to her life and shockingly this does not fix all of her problems??? She also doesn't know how to be alone, which definitely will not get better after Felix returns oop

The day her brother decides to leave, Dorothy is home alone.

Her San Francisco apartment is hollow like a hungry stomach. Three days ago, she drove Jolie to the airport then came home to cover the bathroom mirror with towels. On the first day she took an extra shift at the book store, drove through Sea Cliff at sunset, bumped into Mona on the stairwell and joined her and Margot for wine and slipped out when they began arguing over rent and office interns, started then discarded a portrait of a fictional girl and slept from two to five in the morning. On the second day she worked and spent an extra hour designing a window display on science fiction that she put together on the third day. Cut and painted a rocket ship on cardboard that she’ll have to scold kids for tugging, then get scolded herself by their mothers.

The day I finalise a design for their apartment it's over but I call this trick Trying To Get Around The Fact I Made Characters In Their Earlier Twenties Live In San Francisco (cw: drowning)

The apartment is nicer than her, but it’s been home for three years and they get $100 off rent each month because Jolie tends the garden and looks just like the landlady's daughter that drowned in the Pacific.

I don't think I've talked about Jolie much here which is funny because she is probably the most well-received amongst my friends! They love her so much and it's because she's a hot but slightly toxic lesbian smh, I'm like no seriously she does some fucked up things and they're like you promise?? Some funky facts:

Her real name is Jolene and she hates it except when the Dolly Parton song came on, that gives her a god complex

We are going to ignore how I accidentally named two characters after words for beautiful and pretty in French we are going to pretend it was intentional because when this gets published a uni student could get some good analysis out of that in their Intro to Literature class

She joined the cult with her mother at 13 and left as soon as she turned 18 LMAO. She was Dorothy's only connection to the "outside world" and the only reason she was able to leave

Her dream job is gardener/florist! We get it I watched Bly Manor last November. She's also a bartender

would probably have this on her car /j

[image description: a close up of a car sticker of a frog above "MILF" in green caps. below "MILF" reads "Man I Love Frogs" /end id]

Dorothy and Jolie have always been on and off and building tension but Dorothy realises this can't keep going when Jolie gets into a barfight at work and Dorothy feels Insane because she's the only one concerned?? (cw: blood, mild violence)

“You’re lucky it’s not broken.” She angles Jolie’s face, hand under her chin. Even with red blotted around her nostrils and lips, mulberry lipstick smudged, she still smiles like her bruises are a trophy. It’s a surprise she doesn’t dwell on it: it’s just some blood, doll, nothing to worry about. She didn’t even strike that good. Her technique was all off. If she shows her face back here I’ll just teach her how to punch properly. The worst part is over and I’m a big girl. Do I look upset? Am I crying? When they drive home, she’ll ask to stop and see if she can get free cigarettes or beer by holding her nose and making herself cry. She’ll probably ask Dorothy to hit her so it starts bleeding again. But she’s quiet, leans against the basin and lets her dab damp towels on her face. It doesn’t take long to clean up. It was just some blood.

“Nursing,” Jolie says.

“What?” “You keep saying you want to go to school but don’t know what for – nursing. You’re too good at taking care of people.”

That ending is like Top Three dialogue lines that made me really Concerned for how this character arc is gonna go :) but don't worry about it y'all. I do think Jolie genuinely loves Dorothy but that does not mean! the relationship is healthy!

Basically I love her a lot now that I know her better and I am excited to see where she goes! I think the biggest part of her arc is motherhood/daughterhood and TBH as a recently realised trans dude it took me a Minute to feel entitled to write her story? But being a cis woman shaped my life for two decades and getting to navigate that and being a daughter from a perspective that's totally distanced from myself is very helpful. It's about the inherent admiration and pain that comes from being a mother's daughter! (cw: blood, diet culture/disordered eating)

She lies next to the table and presses her forehead to the glass corner and imagines what would shatter first: the glass or her skin. And she imagines being a girl again, with French braids and too much baby fat in her cheeks and being picked up by a mother before the blood stains her hands and then her dress. She’d tell the mother she just wanted to read her magazines, the dog-eared articles about divorce and top tips for menopause and the benefits of eating half a grapefruit before your calorie-counted meals. And the mother would just brush the bangs out her face, press a pack of thawed peas on the wound and let her choose between the band aid with hearts or the band aid with flowers. And maybe the mother would know she did it for attention because they both know a daughters cry slices oxygen like glass to skin, but she’d still detangle her curls in the evening and kiss her forehead goodnight and serve her breakfast in the morning with half a grapefruit – the other half on her own plate, untouched and left to rot.

[image description: an orange firework exploding against a black sky. across the photo, in a white serif font reads "the last 10 hours of 1986" /end id]

This is technically two chapters, one in each POV and they close part one! Title is v explanatory and they're meant to be framed like a countdown - my plan was for the scenes to get shorter as it gets closer to midnight and that didn't really work but? The twins def get messier as the countdown goes down and THAT is what we like to see. This is also the only end of a part where the twins are separated but don't worry about it hehe :)

Dorothy

This chapter is like the First Time Dorothy does something for herself and. Good for her!

She’ll publish poetry under a pen name and horror short stories under another. She’ll paint indigo mountains and magenta oceans and not care when the colours stain her clothes. She’ll teach Felix how to blend acrylics and he’ll teach her how to remember piano notes and they won’t argue about who abandoned who. When Mona and Margot break up, she’ll go down to comfort Mona or Margot and then kiss Margot or Mona. She’ll move out and tell neither of them. She’ll find a landlady with a dead daughter and get a discount on an ocean view apartment with wall-length windows. Isaias will move in next door and they’ll have weekly dinner parties with wine that costs more than $10. She’ll go vegan. She’ll be so in tune with herself she won’t need to read magazine horoscopes or pay $50 for a psychic reading that assumes she knows her grandparents. She’ll know when she’s happy sad angry and why. She’ll take portrait commissions so she can afford a therapist. She’ll love her life and ignore that there’s no space for Jolie because she wants there to be. She’ll need nobody except herself. She’ll try and make things with Jolie work. She’ll kiss a random girl at midnight to see if it’s any different. She’ll go home after the countdown.

I had the revelation (aha) of Isaias and Dorothy as besties and I am OBSESSED! I love Isaias but struggled with his role so I'm really happy about this. Like he practices calligraphy and writes poetry titled after his favourite plants is he not the ideal character!! Hoping this will make it easier to learn about him so we can get that fun content

Felix

Felix's is fun because he makes the best decision of his arc but also the stupidest fucking decision of his arc. He truly has the range NOBODY is doing it like him. Here's a part that mirrors the excerpt above because even when they're apart Felix and Dorothy are like hmm we Will Be Intrinsically Connected (cw: drug, vomit and sex mention sorry he's going through it!!)

Two hours before midnight and Felix is alone in the bathroom. The party he abandoned synths through the ceiling. He plays Love My Way on his Walkman. Highest volume. Eyes closed. Imagines 1987 and decides he’s going to be honest about everything and nothing. He’s going to tell strangers at bars that he studies Literature at Stanford. He’s going to date a girl and pretend he has parents to introduce her to, that he grew up on a farm in Ohio and was secretly raised atheist, lie about what lies his parents told him. He’s going to grow out his hair and and blend cyan on his eyelids and send polaroids to his father with no return address; burn his fingertips on a candle flame like Michael will burn the photos of his son. He’s going to adore himself. He’s going to quit smoking and start jogging. He’s going to fuck Pacific Heights husbands whilst their wives sleep in the master bedroom and maybe they’ll angrily call him when they’re served divorce papers and hang up when he laughs. He’s going to get promoted to Assistant Manager and not care that his job is dead-end. He’s not going to kiss anyone at midnight because he doesn’t want to. He’s going to flush the cocaine because he doesn’t want it. He’s going to stare at his reflection until it moves for him. He’s going to vomit in a minute. He’s going to pierce his right ear with a sewing needle.

Felix at the end of part one: I give no more fucks!!! I am going to do whatever I want!!! Life is too short!!!

Felix at the end of part two:

[image description: screenshot of a tweet by @/idksomedumbshit. the tweet reads, "i can't mansplain manipulate manwhore my way out of this one boys" /end id]

I do think it's iconic that this time last year Felix was a repressed Christian boy and now his dream is to be a homewrecker THAT is growth. I also got to write Felix and Jolie which was fun because they do Not like each other <3 but they respect each other <3 but only sometimes <3 They have their first little bonding moment where Jolie pierces his ear in their bathroom but then Felix says something to piss her off so Jolie is like hmm okay time to chose Violence. This dialogue is funny because Felix does not really hate himself at this stage Jolie just knows she's gonna fuck him up by saying that !! My life would be so much easier if these twins had a normal relationship with the concept of being a twin but also this story would be very boring

The needle pierces his skin and he doesn’t feel it. Only the tequila swirling behind his eyes. The sting of the light-bulb. Jolie speaks again, “but she looks just like you, doesn’t she? Not the same of course, but enough to see each other in each other. That’s the worst part, right? To see the person you hate on the face of someone you love?”

[image id: a photo of the ocean with cliffs in the background, tinted orange by sunset. in the middle, in a white serif font reads "1/10/1987" /end id]

This chapter is so CUTE and also my first successful attempt at a different form that I can consistently keep in the narrative <3 I really like the idea of a fluid novel form that's adaptive to how the character's perception of the world would change which? Idk how much I can maintain that but this definitely follows it. I need to fine tune the execution but the concept is shots and transcript from a camcorder recording and playing with what the camera sees/doesn't see. The title is what the tape would be labelled, and on 1/10/1987 (american dates throw me off omfg) Beau takes Felix to a seaside town for his birthday and yes it's gay <3 but it's also just a lot of stupid dialogue which was very refreshing because I overthink dialogue so much I always think it has to have deeper meaning when sometimes its like....characters can sometimes...have Fun together. They are simply displaying Relationship Dynamics!

BEAU: Okay, give me a second…(the camera zooms on Felix) There we go! Right, okay, so it’s Saturday, January 10th, 1987, what’re doing out here today?

FELIX: What is this, an interview or something? You sound like a TV host on those morning shows.

BEAU: Oh my God no they’re so annoying, don’t compare me to those.

FELIX: No but I can imagine it perfectly. You’d just be all (holding a pretend microphone) Gooood Morrrning from sunny San Francisco! My name is Beau Teixeira and—

Beau: (laughing) Shut the fuck up!

I love this chapter a lot because you can definitely tell that their dynamic has Shifted but also! They are still just friends being friends and I really want them to just kiss already but also I love the natural progression of friends to lovers....falling in love and not realising it and then suddenly it all makes sense...

BEAU: You wanna try filming? It’s easier if you hold it on your shoulder. Like this. Put your hands where mine are.

[How their fingers whisper against each other. How Beau’s cologne smells of lime and tangerine. ]

Beau steps back into view, runs a hand through his curls. Leather jacket flutters in salted wind. Behind him the sunset flickers over waves like a candle flame. He smiles at the camera.

BEAU: I think you’re a natural! You’re definitely gonna be first choice for cameraman on my shitty morning show.

[How Felix smiles at him.]

(cw: next paragraph talks about the AIDS crisis)

Whilst this is a Fun And Cute Chapter there is more depth to it since the last time we see Beau and Felix before it is the first time they open up about the AIDS Crisis and their fears surrounding it. I have a lot of complicated thoughts about writing this part of history that I could write about all day but it boils down to the fact that "so many queer stories are centred around queer trauma and tragedy and queer people deserve to read stories centred around love and happiness" and "with a queer novel set in 1980s SF it'd be just as bad to completely ignore what happened" are two things that can coexist. I definitely think stories centred around the crisis are necessary (recently read The Prettiest Star by Carter Sickels and highly recommend! Also has a similar camcorder function and an emphasis on preserving. Also made me cry) but shouldn't be the default, especially in a story that if published would have a queer readership, so whilst it's something I want to explore I want to do it in a way that ultimately celebrates queer happiness, love and life. Definitely way more that could be said about this and the function of queer trauma in queer narratives but! Both Beau and Felix feel a need to not only capture as much as possible, but to capture it specifically with the intent to look back in the future, as well as a general We Are Going To Try And Find Happiness Wherever We Can. Also feel like a lot of Beau's character clicked whilst writing it which was very fun!

[How Beau wouldn’t say where they were going but cracked before they left San Francisco because he had too many stories to tell: five year old burning his tongue on café tea, six year old falling into waves and being unbothered, seven year old plucking chrysanthemum petals from stranger’s gardens. How Beau has an orange car freshener and missing headrest on the passengers seat. How Beau drove a longer route because it was closer to the coastline. How Beau played Pet Shop Boys’ Please and knew the words to every song. How Felix realized that he did too.]

[image description: a man and a woman sit next to each other on a bench. the photo is taken from behind them. in the background, you can vaguely see water, hills and the golden gate bridge. across the image, in a white serif font reads "everything the same about dorothy and felix" /end id]

Little title explanation: part 1 has two chapters, "Everything Different about Felix" and "Everything Different about Dorothy" which introduce their relationship + impression of each other after not seeing each other in person for four years (and also how they have images of each other in their heads that are false but they're attached to and it's really not helping the whole complicated twin relationship thing but don't worry about it) and I'd like to expand on that in part two so! An attempt was made. This takes place the day after the above chapter on the twins' actual birthday, the first one they're celebrating together since they were 18 and the first one in the "outside world" so it's a moment!

I'm not happy with how this chapter came out but I think it's just because it's an important one to me! Partly because it helps cement the idea that in spite of their complex relationship, Felix and Dorothy never stop being twins and they never stop loving each other even on the days they dislike each other. But mainly because: these are two adults who lost their childhood to trauma and they finally have the freedom to live their life and! Sometimes that means living for the inner child that never got to be a child. As a certified Adult With Childhood Trauma having a chapter like this was v important because trauma never leaves you but that doesn't mean you can't be happy!! Also it's just. cute. They run around San Francisco, bake a really shitty birthday cake, talk about whether or not San Francisco is real, I want what they have. There is underlying conflict because hoo boy there is Shit simmering rn! But it was nice to have this and the previous chapter as just like. Two little golden moments you know. Calm before the storm if you will

Midnight. Dorothy lies on a mattress on the floor in an apartment in San Francisco. Her brother’s head in her lap. “You know what’s crazy to me? Nobody ever asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. That just wasn’t something we were allowed to think about. I know it’s depressing, I just think about that a lot.”

Felix keeps his eyes on the ceiling. The clock ticks. “Well, what do you wanna be when you grow up?”

“Astronaut, of course.”

“I was gonna say astronaut.”

“You definitely weren't,” she says. “Besides, I already claimed it.”

He looks at her. “I was thinking it. Before you said it, I claimed it in my mind.”

“That’s not how it works. I can’t read your mind.”

Felix sits up. “Wait, you can’t? Gee Dotty, some twin you are.” He grins. So does she.

Usually I am like. I don't think they would care too much about the twin thing. But I also think they would definitely joke about it, like if someone asked a stupid question Felix would be like "well of course we can read each others minds, dont you know how twins work?? like right now my twin sister who is my twin is thinking about giving me, her twin brother, $200" But lets end this on an excerpt where Dorothy doesn't give him $200 but she does think Oh How Did I Spend Four Years Without My Brother

(cw: death mention + missing persons mention, plane crash + boating accident mention)

Dorothy is used to his presence, has been for a year: coffee stains on the table, cupboards left open in the kitchen, clustered ashtray in the living room, hair gel and Jazz aftershave behind the bathroom mirror, Queen or Bowie or Alphaville sifting from his room. His voice. How he always knocks on her door to say goodnight. How he weaved himself into the ecosystem like air but tonight she watches her brother do nothing but breathe and she remembers waking up every January 11th in 1983, 84, 85, 86, and chucking a towel over the bathroom mirror. How she told strangers at bars that she’s an only child; or that she had a younger brother, but he died in a plane crash or a boating accident or went on a hiking trip and never came back, was likely immortalised as a John Doe in Oregon or Nevada records. How she went four years without coffee stains and open cupboards and goodnight knocks and Queen or Bowie or Alphaville renditions when he forgets that she exists in this space too. How hollow those four years were.

And that's all I have to share! I'm not sure when the next update will be, but I much prefer this format of talking about the story! If you read this far I love u <3

#revelations revelations #atlastracking #writing update #i wrote most of this update at 5am so ignore any typos god bless

38 notes · View notes

angelbabyszn · 4 years

Note

can you do something about quarantine too but with oscar? 👀

Spooky Time (Oscar X Reader) 😷

Requested!

OMB Masterlist

C/C: Celebrity Crush

"What are you laughing at, babygirl?" asked Oscar with a smirk as he looked at you giggling underneath your breath as he was wiping his hands off with a rag from the oil of his car.

"Nothing mi amor." you said looking from a funny video C/C posted on Instagram to your boyfriend with a smile from your beach chair a few feet from him and his car.

Oscar nodded and smiled back at you and started to work on his car again. You went back to looking at your phone and refreshed C/C's Instagram page to see a new post.

You went to the new post and your eyes widened to see C/C laying out on a bed in a pose with their shirt off looking straight into the camera lip biting.

"D*mn..." you said underneath your breath as you start to look at details of the photo and your mind going into imagines.

"Saying that word about C/C and drooling all over his photo is nothing?" asked Oscar in your right ear in a deep and husky voice.

You jumped and turned around to see Oscar behind you with his arms crossed against his chest while looking down at you with a serious face.

"Baby I-"

Oscar quickly grabs your body, carries you to the back of his car in bridal style, and puts you on top of the thunk.

Oscar got between your legs and pulled your waist closer to him along wrapping your legs around his waist.

You looked at him with your eyes wide surprised, not knowing what he's going to do now. He leans closer to your left ear.

"I'm about to show you what a real man does for their lady." said Oscar in a deep voice and you got a feeling through your body. Oscar pulls you even closer than before and starts to lean in to kiss you.

"Can y'all not get physical around me? It's disturbing to me."

You and Oscar turn your head and see Cesar standing at the doorway that leads into the house while holding a soda in his right hand. You quickly unwrap your legs from Oscar’s waist.

"We're not getting physical. We're just having a talk." said Oscar and you look at him crazy.

"Oscar, we ALL know you don't just talk." you said, looking at him with a serious face. Oscar turned to his brother to see if he agreed with you and he nodded.

"Cesar, we won't let you see it again, okay?" you said, looking at him with certain eyes and Oscar quickly turns and looks at you crazy.

"Y/N. Come on now. Give me a kiss." said Oscar and started to lean in again but you softly pushed him away.

"Sorry if we were doing too much, Cesar." you said looking at your boyfriend's brother.

"Thanks Y/N. At least somebody apologizes." said Cesar while glaring at his brother before entering the house again.

"Y/N! What was that?!" shouted Oscar with an upsetting face.

"Remember, you have lived with Cesar your whole life and I recently moved in with you not even six months. We're stuck in quarantine altogether. We can't do a lot of things around." you said, looking into your boyfriend's eyes to see if he understands.

"Yeah, I know. Since I accept it, do I get something good out of it?" asked Oscar with a grin while leaning closer to you.

"Maybe." you said with a grin back and you push Oscar away from your body and walk back into the house with your phone.

"Spooky, let go of me." you said trying to get out of Oscar's arms on the couch because you need to go to the bathroom.

It's been a few hours later and you were just cuddling with Spooky for the last two hours. You miss spending time with him.

While you were doing college, he was always involved with the gang and barely saw each other all the time. You hope by the end of this quarantine, your relationship with Oscar will become stronger.

"No. I don't want you to go." said Oscar as he holds you closer to him than before. You still tried to get out of his arms but you couldn't move.

"Might stop moving, babygirl, cause you ain't going nowhere." said Oscar with his eyes still closed. You giggled as he leaned your forehead in front of his lips and kissed your forehead.

You smiled in happiness and started to get comfortable again with Oscar in his arms.

"What y'all doing? I'm bored." asked Cesar while entering the living room, and sitting down in the recliner, making you and Oscar separate from each other and sit up. .

"Always ruining our moments." mumbled Oscar but you heard it and hit his left arm.

"Oh nothing. You want to watch a movie?" you asked looking at Cesar with a smile. Cesar leans his head towards Oscar and he gives him a huge grin.

Oscar's eyes widened and he quickly shook his head no repeatedly because he knew what Cesar was about to say.

"How about a scary movie? I think that would be great for everybody. Don't you agree...mano?" asked Cesar with a huge smile on his face while looking at Oscar.

"Um, sure. That would be fine. Y/N?" asked Oscar looking at you for your answer kinda nervous. He really hopes you said no.

"That would be good. If I get scared, my Spooky would protect me." you said with a smile and kiss his left cheek.

"I'll go make some popcorn. Y'all can choose the movie, okay? This is going to be fun." you said with a smile and you got up and walked into the kitchen.

Once you walked in, Oscar quickly moved closer to Cesar.

"What the h*ll you doing?!" whispered Oscar a bit louder than he was planning but gladly you didn't hear him because of the sound of the popcorn.

"Just making things interesting this quarantine." said Cesar with a smirk.

"Well stop making things interesting. I don't want Y/N to find out my fear." said Oscar with a serious face.

"Well that's your problem. Good luck." said Cesar and he winked at him. You came back with a bowl of popcorn in one hand and chips, and drinks in a bag in the other.

"Hey boys. You found a movie?" you asked, coming back and sitting down on the couch.

"Yep. We're watching a classic: "Scream"." said Cesar with a smile looking at you.

"Ooo, sounds good. Let's start." you said and you sit back on the couch and start to snuggle up next to Spooky while eating a piece of popcorn.

Cesar smirked at his brother and leaned back and put up the recliner with his drink and chips after pushing play on the movie.

Oscar starts to get scared and tense up, making you notice.

"Baby, are you okay?" you asked, looking up at him concerned.

"Yeah. I'm okay. I'm more worried about you with this movie. Are you sure?" asked Oscar so he didn't look like he was scared.

"I got you by my side. Nobody I've rather be with." you said, making Oscar smile and looked back at the movie.

About 45 minutes later into a movie, the climax starts to escalate and Oscar starts to get tense again.

You didn't say anything but you felt Oscar's body shifted and not in a very comfortable way. You snuggle with him again to be comfortable while keeping a close eye on him.

The movie showed the girl running through the house trying to find a place to hide. A moment later, the killer came out in their ghost mask in front of the girl with a huge knife ready to kill her.

"Oh my god." said Oscar underneath their breath holding his heart with his right hand. He was trying to calm himself down from seeing the killer all over the screen so you won't see his reaction.

Oscar turns his face to his annoying brother and he was dead-on smirking and laughing underneath his breath at this like it's a comedy f*cking show of him and you.

"Just 30 more minutes left. Just thirty." thought Oscar so it would help him to get through the movie.

He looks down at you and sees you wrap around his chest with your arms while watching the movie. Just seeing your face made him want to push it out for you til the very end.

About 30 minutes later, the credits started to roll and Oscar smiled proudly because he just went through a horror movie without actually breaking into his fear in front of you.

"That was a good movie." you said sitting up on the couch again while putting the empty bowl of popcorn up on the coffee table in front of you.

Oscar was looking at TV and out of nowhere, a ghost appeared out of nowhere on the screen that was way scarier than ever before with a huge bloody knife. It caused Oscar's turn white in fear.

Oscar quickly got up and ran to the bedroom, making you completely confused and concerned while Cesar was laughing hard.

"Cesar, why are you laughing? What's wrong with Oscar? I've never seen him like that. It seems like he was..."

"Scared?" said Cesar, coming down from laughing and you nodded.

"Cesar, you better tell me what is going on with him or you'll get something you won't like." you said angrily, making Cesar quickly shut up.

"Go talk to him. He should tell you." said Cesar and you quickly got up and jogged up to the bedroom door of you and Oscar's.

"Spooky? Baby? Are you okay?" you asked through the door and knocked on the door with your knuckles of your right hand. No answer.

You slowly open the door as you were peeking in to see Oscar wrap around in the cover while hitting at the edge of the bed with a face you never saw before.

You open the door completely, enter the bedroom and close it behind you. Oscar didn't even acknowledge you coming in.

You slowly walked up to him and sat next to him.

"Baby?" you asked, trying to hold his hand but he wiped it away.

"Please tell me what's going on. I hate you being like this and you know that. I want to help you. I won't judge." you said leaning your head towards him but his face was turned away from you.

Oscar hesitated until he got some courage to look at you again into your eyes. He saw concern and sadness that he caused on your face.

"Y/N, I'm sorry." said Oscar looking straight into your eyes and you grab both of his hands with yours and hold it while looking at him.

"Whatever going on, you know you can tell me right? I'm your number one best friend too. Don't forget about that." you said as you start to caress Oscar's left cheek with your left hand.

At this moment, Oscar felt this would be the right time to tell you his fear because he doesn't want anything like this to happen again.

"Y/N, I'm going to be real honest...I'm afraid of ghosts." said Oscar, looking straight into your eyes. He looked at your face to see any slight any different expression shown on your face but there was none.

"Baby, it's okay." you said, looking into your eyes, making Oscar's eyes widened.

"Really?" asked Oscar and you nodded.

"Everybody has a fear. We're all humans. Nobody with no fears doesn't exist. I wish you told me this earlier. We could've watched a different movie." you said.

"So, does this change our relationship bad or-"

"No! It actually strengthens our relationship, Oscar," you said smiling. "You're having a fear makes me learn about you more and make you even more attractive to me."

"So, what you're saying...I'm more sexy with my fear? Thanks Y/N." said Oscar with a smirk and you started to laugh hard

"Yeah, sure, Spooky." you said while laughing while Oscar chuckled.

"This dude needs to turn off his ego." you mumble underneath your breath while turning away from him but he heard you.

A moment later, Oscar was on top of you with a smirk on the bed.

"What do you say reina?" asked Oscar in his deep voice, making your eyes widen.

"Don't flip this on me." you said and Oscar starts to go down to get closer to your face.

Oscar slowly kisses you and you kiss him back. You love moments like these and surprisingly, Cesar didn't ruin this one and you were grateful for that.

"I win!" shouted Cesar and Oscar bangs on the table with his right fist angrily. All three of you just finish playing another board game.

"You f*king cheated mano." said Oscar with an upset face.

"No I didn't. You just don't know how to play." said Cesar, making you laugh out loud and Oscar quickly turned his head to you with a straight face.

"I'm sorry, babe. You really don't know how to play." you said, looking at him seriously.

"Whatever. Let's play. I'm winning this one." said Oscar seriously and you rolled your eyes in Oscar's ridiculousness.

"I'll be right back. My group wants to talk." said Cesar looking at his phone at the messages. Cesar waved his hand bye and you waved back as he went into his room.

You start to shuffle the cards again for the new game until a few moments later, Oscar gives you a kiss on your lips which surprises you.

"Awe, what was that for?" you asked looking at your cute boyfriend.

"For being the best girlfriend ever. I made you dessert." said Oscar and he grabs a plate of chocolate cake with ice cream with a fork next to him you didn't notice until now.

"You are always cooking now. When did you have the time-"

"Y/N, all I got is time. Time with you." said Oscar and your heart melted in his words.

You grab both sides of his face with your hands and kiss him in happiness and love. He kisses you back the same way as he wraps his arms around your waist to pull you closer.

Who knew a spooky movie and his fear of ghosts would strengthen your relationship with the man you love.

#onmyblock #onmyblockimagines #on my block imagine #on my block x reader #omb season 3 #omb imagine #oscar spooky diaz #oscar diaz x reader #oscar diaz imagine #oscardiaz #spooky omb #cesardiaz #spooky diaz #spooky #cesar diaz omb

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wellamarke · 4 years

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Alright. This is going to be shorter than I planned because I keep tying myself in knots over the very first shot, but I'm going to skip straight to my main point about the Dashing White Sergeant, which is this:

Nobody gets to dance with the person opposite them in the circle.

That is not how the dance works. In DWS, you dance with two people: the ones either side of you, in your row of 3. Yes, to be fair, you join hands and walk back and forth to meet your opposite person, but that person never gets your hand. So, how, pray, do we get this:

AND this:

Well, it's because, in what is arguably his boldest move since 'carrots', Gilbert breaks the set and spins Anne over to his side:

When what they're supposed to have done is this:

ie. Diana, Gilbert and Jane should have performed a straight swap with Caleb, Anne and Charlie. That twirl? Does not exist in the Dashing White Sergeant.

This absolute... opportunist, sees his moment and risks throwing the whole dance just to get to hold Anne's hand. I'm so proud.

The first time they come into the centre he's all smirky, because yes, being face-to-face is fun and an excellent twist on their usual head-to-head. But that's not enough, he wants to dance with her. He's going to get his hand-hold after 3 years of waiting for it, damn it all.

(I know, I know, I'm coming late even to the Netflix release and I've missed the intense week-long dissection of the scene by literal months, so obviously all this has been said. But it's NEW TO ME and I haven't seen the text posts so I'm going to still talk about it).

There is so much metaphorical resonance here.

The two positions (beside and opposite) are supposed to be irreconcilable in the dance. Anne and Gilbert are two people who so often oppose each other but, when it comes to things that really matter, they are on the same side. Likewise, the parts of the dance they spend opposite each other are fleeting, and for the main section, they are on the same side.

Both Anne and Gilbert are the center dancers of their row (the center is the only person who dances throughout - all 4 corner dancers wait out certain bars). This mirrors how both of them have their own storylines, concerns, goals etc in the show. But when Gilbert breaks the set, positioning Anne as to his choosing, he doesn't make her a corner dancer. Instead, she becomes the center dancer of his line. What an interesting fact about the axis on which Planet Gilbert spins.

Even when they're part of the same row, things aren't straightforward: there's a third person involved. In real life it's Winnie; in the dance it's Charlie. Gilbert watches Anne with Charlie and has to wait out the bar. Anne will have to do the same with Winnie.

At the end of the dance - literally in the last few bars - he returns Anne to her original position. In practical terms, this means Mrs Lynde doesn't have anything to complain about, as there's no evidence by the end that the set was ever broken. In sneaky terms, it means he gets to finish the dance face-to-face making eyes with Anne, and not Jane or Diana. In heartbreaking terms, it foreshadows how (at least for now) the discoveries made during the dance aren't going to change their relationship, as everything goes 'back to normal' on the outside. In romantic terms, it could be seen as Gilbert saying: "I want you by my side, but in the end, I'll put you before myself" (in the sense that 'before' can also mean 'in front of').

Breaking the set ought to have thrown everything off - if nobody else moves, Gilbert has put Anne next to Diana, so the boy-girl-boy-girl pattern is lost. The fact that the dance is able to continue means that others have moved to compensate. Crucially, one of them is Diana, who is best placed to perform damage control as it's her spot Anne's moved into -– foreshadowing her manoeuvring the situation on the train and saving the day! But it's not just Diana: everyone in the set will have noticed the shift – mirroring how the whole of Avonlea are basically aware of how these two feel about each other before they are.

Or, in more mathematical terms, the other 4 people in the set, shifting to make way for Shirbert, represent the 4 people with the most to say about Shirbert: Jane plays Winnie (telling Anne she isn't engaged to Gilbert; this parallel works weirdly well since Jane and Gilbert are seen dancing together, and Jane's traditional values mirror Winnie's 'expectations') Diana plays herself (being the person best placed to call Gilbert out the train journey, and being the person best placed to compensate in the dance itself, since Anne's in her spot. Damn, she even does the callout opposite him in a train carriage, a position usually held by Anne). Charlie plays Cole (telling Anne about Gilbert's crush; interesting, then, that Charlie's got a crush on Anne) and Caleb Lynde plays Bash (knowing about Shirbert before so much as meeting Anne; and would you LOOK at that, I was about to say I can't find a link between Caleb and Bash, but the link is MISS STACY!)

Most dancers look in the direction they are skipping in for the circle part of the dance: Gilbert and Anne look dead across at each other before the swap, and then after the swap:

...yeah, they're looking at each other the whole time, even for the direction change - which means that one of them is always skipping 'backwards' (sideways, but against the direction they're facing, led by the other). If that ain't a metaphor for trust, I don't know what is. Also, they will each be the backwards-facer for the same amount of steps, and if that ain't a metaphor for compromise... you get what I'm saying.

I will probably think of a few more resonances after posting this, and yes, I know that I'm reaching on some of it, but even without all that symbolism, you HAVE to hand it to Gilbert. As far as he knows this might be the only time he'll ever get to dance with Anne, so he's going to make the most of EVERY SECOND, and dance more with her in that one rehearsal than any other couple in the room have managed in two.

Something else I like, as well, is that he knows the format of the dance from watching the initial demonstration - so he COULD have tried the spin in the first run-through. But he doesn't do it until he gets the vibe from their first face-to-face that Anne, maybe... isn't opposed to dancing with him. (Also, he waits 'til he's invalided Moody out of the running, freeing his buddy up to give them some nice twinkly backing music... Gosh, Gilbert, how far back does your web of cunning go?!)

Just as a parting shot, I'll point out that Miss Stacy is the one who pushes Gilbert (nonsensically) to the other side of the room, where Anne ends up. I say nonsensically because at the beginning they're standing like this:

with Gilbert being the ONLY boy on the right hand side of the room, so no way should he be moving across. What actually needs to happen is that two boys from the left should go to join him. Gilbert should have stayed put. But no, Miss Stacy wants him over there:

She ships it, y'all.

Gilbert then stands for a bit in the middle of the room, foreshadowing his indecision/being torn between two options later on:

Look at him, stroking his chin, all confused! Thankfully, Mrs Lynde is there to park him firmly on the left side of the room, ensuring proximity to Anne. Thanks, Rachel. Thanks, Ms Stacy.

And most of all, thanks to whoever choreographed this scene! It took me so long to get a comprehensive look at Gilbert's actions because I kept getting distracted by everything else that's going on: Ruby, Tillie and Jane are all wonderful too, and let's not forget Moody and Charlie partnering each other just before Mrs Lynde yells 'stop'. Wonderful. Perfect scene is perfect.

#awae #anne with an e #shirbert #gilbert blythe #anne shirley cuthbert #gosh this got very long #meta #awae meta

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cryptidofthekeys · 3 years

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Yandere Chase x Reader (An Average Day in Hell)

TRIGGER WARNINGS: YANDERE BEHAVIOR, KILLING/BEATING TO DEATH, DEATH, SLIGHT MANIPULATION??? (unintentionally and intentional technically speaking), MENTIONS OF A CAR CRASH BUT NOTHING TOO IN DETAIL OF THAT, ALSO DIVORCE MENTIONS, AND SOME SLIGHT ABUSE AT THE END PLEASE KEEP THESE IN MIND BEFORE READING

im not good at titles either also this one is like SUPER fucking long as well- so a keep reading is 100% needed also probs gonna tag it with long post just to be super safe

also wanna interact with the yandere egos? Well, shoot me an ask and I’ll post a link to the sideblog on my main (not gonna copy n paste that here, it took a good few minutes to get this story off my docs n shit lmao)

You were out for a nice walk on one of the trails nearby your house, it was one of the trails you could walk on without worrying about running into anyone, and you liked it that way… You’d rather not deal with a lot of people, you continued onward, taking in the beautiful scenery of the trees, the forest surrounding the area was so beautiful this time of year… The trees were all turned to such pretty colors, that doesn’t mean they weren’t pretty before of course, they just became even more beautiful than before that’s all. You were so distracted you hadn’t even noticed the man that was suddenly walking next to you, you were so fixated by trees until the man coughed into his sleeve and this made you jump and stumble backwards until you were suddenly on your ass.

The man looked down at you and he almost seemed panicked “Oh shit dude! I’m so sorry! I didn’t like, mean to spook ya!” He extended a hand “Are you alright, bro?” You looked at the man for a moment, he had a dark gray heather shirt on, black denim jeans, combat boots, and his hair was a grassy green color, and he wore a baseball cap of sorts with a skull on it, his eyes were a bright ocean blue, overall he looked like a pretty average dude, an average bro some would say (that was the stupidest thing thats ever come outta my mouth imma shut the fuck up now), you realized you had been staring at him for the past few moments, to avoid making this any more awkward, you took his hand and thanked him for helping you get to your feet.

The man grinned happily “No problem, I mean, it was my fault after all, I scared the absolute fuck outta ya” There was a pause before he cleared his throat “My name’s Chase, Chase Brody!” He offered a hand for you to shake, of course, not wanting to be rude you returned it “It’s nice to meet you, Chase… My name is (Y/N)... I uh, don’t think I’ve ever seen you around here before?” You questioned which made the man chuckle a little bit “Yeah, I uh, I’m new here technically, I just like, needed to go out and get some fresh air ya know, that’s all… I take it that not many people use this trail here, yeah?” You nodded “Yeah, it’s rare to see ANYBODY on this trail, well, except for me that is, I always use this trail for that reason” You smiled, this man was at least friendly enough… The two of you continued walking up the trail, might as well at least have someone to converse to while you're walking “Sooo…” The man began “How long ya lived in these parts, because it’s like, really beautiful!” You nodded “Yeah, it’s one of the reasons I moved here actually, because of the beautiful scenery…”

Chase nodded at this “Same, I mean, don’t get me wrong, where I lived before?” He paused, rubbing his shoulder rather awkwardly “Aha… It had SOME beautiful areas but nothing compared to this!” Chase looked as if he were about to say something else but he must’ve decided against it because he just paused for a few moments, trying to think of something else to say “So uh, what do you do exactly? Like, do you have a job? Orrr any hobbies?” You shrugged “A few things here and there, as for a job? Uhh, well… I work at that old timey family diner in town actually” Chase’s smile widened “Oh damn, that sounds cool, I don’t think I’ve been to that one yet, I have explored a little bit of the town though…”

You nodded “Well, I mean, there’s always time to check it out!” Chase nodded and looked up towards the sky and frowned “Ah shit, it’s getting a lil late… I need to like, go pick my kids up from school n shit, you know how it goes”

You blinked in surprise “You have kids?” Chase nodded “Yep! Two boys and one girl!” Damn… You didn’t expect that, but then the man began to run off, he turned back to wave "Gotta hurry n go! I’ll seeya sometime maybe!” You gave him a wave back and just like that he was gone… You smiled, that was a nice conversation at least… Even if you usually liked to be alone on this trail and not to talk, in fact this time it was the exact opposite… You hoped you’d see him again, truth be told ...Maybe one day, for now you focused on getting through the rest of the trail, and maybe then after this, you’d head into town if you still had time for it… Eventually, you did manage to get through the trail, it took a long while, longer than you would’ve liked but you still had some time to kill for the day, so you headed back and then off into town you went, you’d just browse around for the day… Seeing what was at the shops today and such as that.

You headed into one of the bookstores to see if they had anything you’d be interested in reading or purchasing, you looked around each aisle and looked at each genre, you found a book called an 'An Average Day in Hell' ...You inspected the book and skimmed through some of the pages, it was about a man ironically enough named Chase, you snorted at the title, the dialogue and narration was just... "...This all sounds cheesy as fuck..." You then put the book back and finished up in the bookstore, nothing really caught your eye so you then headed for the next shop, it was a clothing store, maybe you could find some cute outfits in there! You headed inside and glanced around at all the options, this store had a lot of things... There were fancy suits, casual clothing, etc. As you browsed around the shop you suddenly paused and shivered, you had a feeling... A weird feeling, like someone was watching you... You casually turned around and saw that nobody was there ...Maybe you were just imagining things.

(this is future me at past me while breaking the fourth wall there: ...Hm, not the WORST but definitely not the best use of fourth wall breaks, im, not proud of that part okay moving on)

You shook your head and continued to browse around, you pulled out one of the outfits that had particularly caught your attention, and went into one of the changing rooms, you tried on the outfit and examined how it looked on you, you liked this one, you liked it a lot ...You just needed to make sure it was within your price range before you actually bought it, you looked at the price and it was... Way too much for you to afford unfortunately, you sighed and took the outfit off and put your original clothing back on, you then put the outfit back on the rack and went on your way, you headed for one of the ice cream shops, some ice cream would cheer you up for sure! You were about to head inside before three kids rushed into the shop, practically pushing you aside, a very familiar voice called out to them in a scolding manner "Now kids! It's rude to push people like that! No ice cream until you apologize!" The man turned towards you and was about to apologize for his kids before... "No way... (Y/N)? Is that you?"

You smiled and turned to face Chase "Hey Chase! Takin' the kids out for some ice cream?" The man grinned and nodded "Yepperino!" The kids came up to you "We're sorry for shoving you (Y/N)! Very sorry!"

You shook your head "It's alright, I imagine you were just excited for the ice cream, yeah?" The kids eagerly nodded and were about to run off again before their father stopped them "Now now, don't just go runnin' off! Ya need to meet daddy's friend!" The kids came over and Chase pointed at the eldest son "This is Trey" then to the second eldest, the daughter "This is Chelsea" and then finally to the youngest son "And this is Greyson...!"

(looked on wiki for the potential boys, so two potential canon names and one I just bullshitted til I got a girl-esque name in my brain)

Greyson hid behind Chase, the boy seemed pretty shy... Meanwhile Trey and Chelsea greeted you instantly "It's nice to meet you (Y/N)!" You smiled "It's nice to meet you too kiddos!" Greyson grabbed Chase's shirt who knelt down instantly "What's up kiddo?" Greyson whispered into Chase's ear who smiled "Greyson says it's nice to meet you too..." Chase stood back up and whispered to you "He's a very shy kid around strangers, he'll get used to you eventually" You nodded and with introductions and such out of the way, you all proceeded to get some ice cream, Chase insisted on buying you some but you refused, you were not going to make him pay for you like that.

Eventually after defeating Chase and getting him to relent from his actions... All of you then sat down to enjoy your ice cream, Trey got some vanilla, Chelsea got some strawberry, Greyson got some chocolate, Chase had gotten some cookies and cream, and you had gotten your favorite as well

(i'm not gonna specify that, i mean y'all know what ya like)

As you were eating some of your ice cream, you sighed and set the cup down for a few moments, Chase noticed this and he looked concerned "Is somethin' wrong (Y/N)?" You looked up at Chase before leaning in to whisper, you didn't exactly want the kids hearing this "I dunno... It's just... I was browsing in the clothing shop near here and I just... I got the feeling someone might've been watching me..." Chase's concern grew at this as he whispered back "Oh? Did ya like, manage to see anybody...?" You shook your head "Not at all... I dunno, maybe it was just my imagination playing tricks on me or something..." Chase shrugged "I'd hope it's just your imagination... I'd be pretty spooked if someone was followin' me for sure..." Chase then paused to...

...No, no, he did not just do that... He did not do what you think he just did ...Oh my god he did, he did the absolute thing you thought he did, it's evident in the ice cream... ...Chase just bit. Into. His. Ice. C r e a m... You cringed at this "Chase, Imma be honest with you, if you do that again in front of me, I WILL get up and leave this table" The man grinned and let out a little laugh "Aww c'mon bro! Don't leave me!" ...His tone sounded off there, maybe his voice cracked, because it definitely sounded like a bit of one, either way you couldn't help but giggle "I'm kidding, but please, resist from biting your ice cream like that" Chase chuckled "Okay, okay, I won't bite my ice cream again ...Maybe..." You gave him a playful glare to which he just grinned and finger gunned at, the rest of the evening was spent cracking jokes back and forth, Chase threatening to bite into his ice cream again and then threatened to bite yours, to which you responded by holding the cup near you and muttering out a 'my precious...' in a low raspy voice.

The way you said that and the sheer silliness of the situation caused Chase to practically burst with laughter, you joined in as well, it did turn a few heads but the two of you didn't seem to care, his kids had finished their ice cream a good bit ago and were just sitting there, they seemed... Really happy at the scenario right now... Eventually you looked out the window and your eyes widened as you immediately stood up, this caused Chase to pause before tilting his head "What's up?" You sighed "As much as I've enjoyed our evening... I really need to get going... It's getting super late, and I just, I hate walking home late at night..." Chase nodded "Ah yeah... I should get the kids home too, if ya want, I can drive ya back to your place" You smiled "Oh no no, I don't wanna trouble you..." Chase reached out and gently grasped your hand "(Y/N), I promise, it isn't any trouble at all, you didn't let me buy ya any ice cream so at LEAST lemme do this for ya" You sighed, you couldn't argue with this one and you nodded "If you insist"

Chase smiled and nodded, standing up and getting out of the booth, motioning for his kids to come on which they did, you all headed out and hopped into Chase's car, he cranked it up and then off he drove, in the direction of your house, there wasn't much talking in the car, as both Chelsea and Trey had fallen asleep, Greyson was in the seat twiddling with his thumbs, eventually Chase did make it back to your house, he pulled into the driveway "Welp, here we are, home sweet home! Er, for you that is I guess" You smiled and turned toward Chase "...I just, thank you Chase... Really, you know... I had a lot of fun tonight, that's the most fun I've had in awhile..." The man smiled "Honestly? Me too... I uh, I'm glad you had fun..." You nodded "...If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to do it again actually..." Chase's face flushed immediately and his eyes were wide, he turned towards you in shock "R-Really? You... Want to... Meet up again?" You nodded "Yeah, I mean, er... If you want to do that!" Chase had the biggest and happiest smile on his face "YEAH!!" He shouted, startling his kids awake and then he cleared his throat and spoke much softer to his kids first "Sorry...!" And then he reiterated what he said before "Yeah, I'd love to meet up with ya again...!"

You smiled “Hmm… Ice Cream shop meet up again?” Chase chuckled and nodded “It’s a date! ...E-Er, wait no… I didn’t mean it like that, I-I meant…” He was getting nervous to which you responded by resting your hand upon his “...It’s a date, for sure, I’d like to get to know you better actually! So how about… Six PM?” Chase’s breath hitched, whether it be at your hand upon his or your words, but he had the biggest smile on his face “O-Oh… Ye-Yeah… Yeah, okay…!” You then hopped out of the car, thanking Chase for the ride home, he gave you a thumbs up and then you headed quickly inside your house, it took Chase a few moments before he pulled out of your driveway and headed off. You smiled to yourself, Chase was such a sweet man, sure, it hadn’t been too long ago since you had met him but you already wanted to hang out with him again, this time, you wanted to get to know him a little better… Calling it a date out of the blue like that was weird, but you… You were beginning to really like the guy!

… You then paused your thoughts, that dude must’ve been a single father, you didn’t see a wife or partner of any kind around, maybe he has been divorced or he divorced someone, you don’t know how someone could divorce someone who seemed so sweet, so loving, so kind! Then again, you also didn’t know the full story... Divorces and stuff can be a tricky mystery, it’s not really any of your business anyways so either way, you headed off towards your bedroom and got changed and ready for bed, tomorrow was going to be an eventful day, you had to get some sleep for sure, you flopped down onto your bed and closed your eyes, slowly drifting off into dreamland…

And then it was morning, you slowly opened your eyes to the sun shining brightly on your face, you squinted and slowly rose up from bed, rubbing at your eyes and looking around at your room, you looked at the time… 10 AM… You slowly got up and opened your closet, for now you’d put something comfortable on… You were going to save your best outfit for tonight! You smiled at the thought of getting to see Chase again, for now you had to make yourself some breakfast and then clean up around the house, really just so you can get that out of the way but also to kill some time today, after putting on your outfit, you then went to the kitchen, fixed yourself some breakfast and then got to cleaning for the rest of the day, you had some extra time so you freshened up a good bit and then put on your favorite outfit.

And with that you headed out the door, rushing off to the ice cream place, you had to admit while there was a nervous feeling building in the pit of your stomach you were also very excited for this… In your excitement you had arrived at the shop a little earlier than you intended, but either way, you took a seat at one of the booths and waited for Chase… When the clock hit six, he had practically rushed through the doors, a smile on his face as well, he looked just as excited as you were, he scanned over the shop but he didn’t see you which worried him for a moment… You then waved him over and he strode over towards you immediately, he didn’t have the kids with him this time “Hey (Y/N)!” He greeted you and sat down, he then took a proper look at you and he looked surprised “Woah… You look… Awesome…!” You smiled and blushed at his comment “Thank you Chase… You look awesome as well…” You looked at his outfit, it uh, was the exact same one he usually wore but you liked his main outfit, it was cute and fitting for him.

Chase was blushing as he suddenly pulled a box out and slid it over to you, it was a fairly large box and it was wrapped so neatly, you looked up at Chase who was rubbing the back of his head awkwardly “I got this for you… I hope you like it…” You looked down at the gift and slowly began tearing into it, once you got the wrapping paper off you opened the box and gasped at what was inside… ...It was an outfit, but not just any outfit, this was the EXACT same one you had wanted at the clothing shop nearby! ...You looked up at Chase in shock, you then bit your lip “O-Oh jeez… This is the EXACT outfit I wanted... Chase… I… I didn’t even get you anything in return… And this was… So expensive… H-How?” Chase smiled and laughed “Don’t worry about gettin’ me anything! And besides, I thought it’d look good on you!” You reached over to hug him from across the table which surprised him, Chase’s hands twitched for a moment before he slowly reached up to hug you back… This felt… So good to him…

“So… Warm… And soft…” Chase muttered, you blinked and pulled back from him “What was that?” Chase’s eyes widened, he had a blush on his face, before he shook his head and just smiled “Oh nothing… I just… Was saying thank you for the uh, hug…!” You smiled and nodded “No problem!” Chase nodded and then he realized “Oh uh, we should, probably like… Get some ice cream, if ya want of course” You grinned “I’m always up for some ice cream!” Chase and you had gotten up from your seats, getting in line to get some ice cream, when the two of you got to the counter, Chase was absolutely refusing to let you pay this time, you sighed in defeat after a moment of bickering but gave him a smile nonetheless, a stubborn man this one could be… Either way, he got a milkshake that the both of you could share and you headed back to your booth, sitting down and enjoying the milkshake together. You took a few sips before pausing and looking at Chase “Soo… Were you, uh, married at one point…?”

Chase frowned suddenly and sighed “...Yeah, I uh used to be… I’d… Rather not talk about what happened of course, I’m sure ya understand…” You gave him a sympathetic look and nodded “Of course, we uh, don’t have to talk about it… Sorry for bringing it up” Chase shook his head and gave the milkshake another sip before continuing “Nah, don’t worry about it…” You sipped on the milkshake as well, trying to think of another question to ask, something that… Wasn’t, a marriage themed question… “So, why did you move here exactly? Aside from the beautiful scenery…” Chase looked as if he were in thought for a moment “Eh, to be honest? I just needed to get away from it all… Where I lived before was alright but like, I needed something new, something fresh! I got so used to seeing the same ol’ same old… And the kids did too… They were getting bored of the old place… I do feel a little bad because they did have some friends back there but… They don’t seem to mind at all, in fact, they’ve made more friends here actually”

You smiled at this “Well… That’s good, at least they have made new friends here, the people of this town are… Pretty friendly, I’ve made a few friends here myself actually” Chase seemed to perk up at this “Really? I mean, like, I wouldn’t be surprised because you’re an awesome person!” Chase paused for a moment before getting embarrassed “I-I mean…” You shook your head, not giving him time to finish his sentence “Thank you… I’m glad you think so…” You then paused and sighed “...I am worried though… I haven’t heard from one of my friends in awhile… I hope they're doing alright…” Chase gave you a nod “I’m sure they’re just fine… Maybe busy with some stuff, I’m sure they’ll call ya soon enough” You looked at Chase, he was so sweet… “Yeah… I hope so” And then there was a pause, the two of you taking the time to enjoy the milkshake in silence before you looked at Chase “What do you do for a living exactly?” Chase shrugged “Meh, I’ll take what I can get really, gotta support the kids ya know… I mostly do youtube stuff of course but I gotta do a lotta other shit, I don’t want… I don’t wanna risk them going hungry or some shit” You gave him a sympathetic look “Sounds really rough… I’m sorry…” Chase shook his head “Don’t be, there’s not much you can do about it anyways, it’s not your fault”

You nodded and offered Chase the cherry after finishing the milkshake to which he shook his head “Nah, you have it, I insist” You shook your head and used one of the knives at the table to cut it in half and you offered one half to Chase “We’ll just share it then, how about that?” Chase gave you a smile and took the half of the cherry, the two of you clinked your halves together

(listen, i know i said its an ice cream shop but they have knives there for some of the other desserts, its not just specifically ice cream, just- sh- sh, let the plot advance okay?)

“Cheers” and then popped it in your mouths, giggling slightly at the silliness of that situation before you stood up and stretched out and looked out the window “Hm… We still have some time left, is there anything else you had in mind for the night?” Chase shrugged “I mean, if ya want, you can come back to my place and we could hang out, I got some video games we could play together!” You grinned and nodded “Sounds like fun!” Chase smirked at you and stood up “Just be warned though… I’m one of the best gamers around! Although, I could let’cha win at the very least” You chuckled “That’s very bold of you… And very naive to think I need or want you to let me win, do NOT underestimate me, Chase~” The two of you exchanged a playful glare as you headed out of the ice cream shop, hopping into his vehicle and heading back to his place.

Once Chase pulled into the driveway, you looked at his home, it wasn’t.... Too terribly big, in fact rather small to have three kids in but you wouldn’t say that, it wasn’t really any of your business anyways, and besides maybe it was bigger on the inside than you thought, looks can always be deceiving you know… Chase hopped out and you soon followed, he gently opened the door after unlocking it and it wasn’t as small as you thought it’d be inside but it’s definitely not large either “I uh, it isn’t… Much, but at least it’s a roof over our heads, ya know?” You nodded at the man’s words, you then both turned around upon hearing the kids voices call out, they immediately ran up and hugged their father and gave you a smile and a wave, then another voice called out “Oh! I didn’t expect you to be back so soon, Mr. Brody!” Chase nodded “Well we didn’t have much else to do in town really, so, (Y/N) and I decided to come back here and play some video games” You assumed this was the babysitter, they approached and smiled “Ah, so you must be (Y/N) then, actually… The kids have been talking about you nonstop tonight…” They extended their hand for a handshake, you smiled and exchanged a handshake with the other, meanwhile Chase had bit his lip and looked away and toward his kids, who seemed preoccupied and happy they’re father was home.

Chase then grabbed his wallet from his pocket and paid the babysitter who then waved goodbye to the kids, Chase, and you as well and headed out, you noticed Chase staring them down as they went out which made you raise a brow, you gave him a nudge “You okay?” Chase looked back at you and smiled “Oh uh yeah, just… Thought I saw something out there?” Oh, maybe you were quick to assume he was staring at them then… Either way, you were excited to play some games with him! You quickly grabbed his arm which he gasped at, he barely had time to react as you dragged him off to the couch, the kids giggling while following the two of you. He had quickly gotten the game set up and tossed a controller your way, Chelsea had a grin on her face as she read the title of the game once it popped up “Oooh daddy’s really good at the super smash bros games! He’s gonna kick your butt (Y/N)!” Trey then interrupted “Yeah he’s the king of these games!”

You chuckled “I hate to be the bearer of bad news kiddo but… Your daddy’s about to lose that crown of his~!” Chase raised a brow “A very bold claim your makin’ there, eh (Y/N)?” He had a cheeky grin on his face, you challenged his grin with a playful glare “I don’t plan on losing tonight Chase, you might as well kiss that crown goodbye” He chuckled at that “Alright then, whatever ya say… We’ll see what happens” And then the game booted up, Chase chose a character called Ridley (I like to imagine he has a few mains but you know he be choosin that one especially) and then you chose Isabelle (listen I’m sorry if this ain’t y’alls main but just trust me on this one okay? It’ll be worth it in the long run and I know the match up itself is… a lil silly but just shh) Chase couldn’t help but snort at the selection you made, although Chelsea seemed happy enough, she must’ve liked Isabelle a lot! And then the game began, before Chase did anything he paused it and looked at you “Ya need any tips or you good for this one?” You shook your head “Nah man, I’m good, I’ve got this… What, you scared to lose your crown?” Chase snorted “Not a chance, ya really are full of yourself sometimes (Y/N)” He unpaused it and then the fight began.

The fight… T’was an epic battle of skill and wit… This battle was like no other, the children cheered with each punch thrown, each move made, and to Chase’s surprise, you were REALLY good at this game, you were almost giving him a run for his money! BUT the fight wasn’t over yet, he was still on the stage and kicking, at first there was some banter, some swearing under your breath so the children wouldn’t hear, but now? There was nothing but pure silence and concentration, complete focus and even the kids had fallen silent now, watching in sheer awe at how good you were, and now… It was time for the ultimate end game, as you hit the buttons and watched Isabelle unleash her Final Smash and this caused Chase and the kids jaws to drop to the floor, you all watched as Isabelle delivered her move and then it was endgame… You sat the controller down, crossed your arms and had a wide smirk on your face as you looked over to Chase who wasn’t even mad, he merely looked over at you and solemnly tipped his hat to you

“Damn (Y/N)... That was e p i c… You’re really good at this!” He grinned and he seemed happy enough, which you were glad of, you nodded “I told ya, not to underestimate me, that’s what’cha get!” Chase nodded “Yeah, I did kinda do that, didn’t I?” he chuckled nervously, to which you only gently punched at his shoulder “No hard feelings of course!” The kids were clapping, Chelsea was practically beaming “Wow!! (Y/N) that was so amazing!! I’ve never seen anybody as good as dad!”

Trey nodded “Yeah, that was awesome!” You smiled at this, and then Chase was looking up at the time and then he stood up “Alright, it’s time for bed kiddos” And at this the kids pouted “Aww dad, do we have to?” Chase nodded “It’s a school night, gotta get a lotta rest so you can be ready for tomorrow” And despite the kids not really liking this reasoning, they agreed and headed off to go get ready for bed, you looked at Chase “Hey, uhh, where’s your bathroom?” Chase pointed down the hall “At the very end of the hall and to the right” You nodded and headed down that way, upon getting halfway down the hall you felt a tug at your shirt and looked down to see Greyson, you knelt down and looked at him “What’s up buddy, need somethin’?”

Greyson twiddled with his fingers and looked down, keeping eye contact with the ground before suddenly reaching out and hugging you “...T-Thank you…” He stuttered, you raised a brow at this “Uh…” You paused before carefully hugging him back “Why are you thanking me exactly buddy?” There was a pause before Greyson pulled back “D-Dad… He… He um… He seems m-much more… ha… uh… He seems to be m-much happier… Ever since… h-he fir-first… me… first met you…” You were… Shocked by this… “Greyson’s right you know” Chelsea called out, a smile on her face, Trey was also smiling as he began “Yeah! Please… Don’t tell dad we told you this… But, we’ve noticed he didn’t seem as happy as he used to be… The last time he was happy was before… Before…” Chelsea interrupted, a hint of sadness in her voice “...Since mommy left…” You felt sorry for the kids and for Chase but even then you didn’t know the full story, and you sure as hell weren’t going to ask why, it wasn’t in your place to just ask about personal things like that… You only smiled “Well… Hey, kiddos… I… I’m glad I’ve made your dad happy at least, I’ve had a great time with him, really, he’s a sweet man and he seems to care a great deal for all of you… I’m sure things’ll be just fine, yeah?” Chelsea nodded “I hope so, just um… Please don’t tell daddy about this, he doesn’t like talking about mommy or the past really… Don’t tell him we told you” You nodded “Don’t worry, I won’t” The three kids hugged you tightly and then ran off to go to bed.

You smiled at this, they really did seem like such nice kids… They just wanted their father to be happy again, you would try your best to help them out with their little wish, you headed to the bathroom finally to do your business and then finally back to the living room, you saw Chase laying there on the couch scrolling mindlessly through his phone, upon noticing you he gave a friendly smile and a peace sign “What took ya so long dude? Get lost down there?” You glanced back to the hallway before laughing “Nah, nothing like that… It was just that… The kids were still amazed at how I beat you at the game like I did~” You grinned to which Chase scoffed at “I let you win just so you know, just to be nice…” You laughed at this and walked over, moving his legs out of the way so you could sit down “Mmmhhmmmm suurrree you did, you just can’t admit or accept defeat can you?” Chase cheekily grinned as he rested his legs over your lap now “Nope, I can’t and won’t admit defeat, not ever, you might have won the battle but you won’t win the war! You’re going d o w n next time” You rolled your eyes at this “Yeah right” you tried to push his legs away and off of you but he seemed content just leaving them in place “C’mon Chase, get your legs off me, don’t be salty just because you lost” This made the man playfully glare at you and then he went back to looking at his phone, ignoring you for the time being as you tried to push his legs off, he was a stubborn one for sure.

Although you knew he was just messing with you, it was nothing serious, nothing serious from you either, honestly… You were having a lot of fun tonight with Chase… You sighed, you felt content “You know, Chase… I’ll be honest, I’ve been having a lotta fun with you tonight, it’s the most fun I’ve had in awhile actually” And that made Chase smile, a genuine smile… “I’m glad, I was worried I’d bore you or some shit ya know? I uh, don’t consider myself to really be any fun to hang around with” You looked at Chase and shook your head, placing a hand in his which made his breath hitch in his throat “That couldn’t be farther from the truth! Ya don’t need to be so hard on yourself Chase, you are a really sweet man, you are kind, caring, and-” And then you were trailing off, your face turning bright red as you realized what you were saying to him…

“I uh, I mean…” Chase only smiled at this, his face also a bright red “Hey… Uh, (Y/N)...? I actually have something I’ve been wanting to ask you…” He began rather nervously, and you were curious as to what he was going to say before your phone buzzed in your pocket “Oh uh, hold on a second, then you can tell me” Chase nodded at this and watched as you pulled out your phone, he watched your eyes scanned through whatever it was and he could see the look of shock and worry on your face “...(Y/N)...? I-Is everything alright?” You immediately got up from the couch and looked at Chase in a panic “O-One of my friends is in the hospital… I...I fuck… It sounds serious too, they were in a bad car crash!” Chase’s eyes widened at this statement, while he didn’t like to see you so stressed, he didn’t like the fact this little nuisance had interrupted his confession “I mean, maybe they’ll be fine? I… I mean like, I’d hope so anyway is what I’m trying to say!” You barely registered his words and quickly shoved your phone back into your pocket “I’m sorry Chase but, I gotta go! I promise you can tell me what you wanted later, but right now, I need to go be with them, I just… oh god, fuck... ” There was a pause before Chase nodded, he wanted to clench his fist but to avoid suspicion he stood from his spot “I’ll drive you over there, you’re panicking too much to drive by yourself right now, what I want you to do is take some deep breaths while I get stuff ready” He gently placed his arms on your shoulders for a moment.

“Can you do that for me, babe?” You slowly nodded “I-I’ll try…” Chase smiled “Good, just, stand here and take some deep breaths for me, I’ll be right back” And with that he was off, he had to go get a pencil and a piece of paper JUST in case the kids woke up, he didn’t want to worry them if he wasn’t back in time… He quickly wrote a note, putting his eldest in charge until he got back, mentioning if they needed anything, they had the babysitter’s phone number and his as well, it was extra precaution, and then he grabbed his keys, looking back over at you “C’mon (Y/N), let’s go” you immediately came running over and the two of you headed out the door, quickly hopping into his car and then speeding away, he knew how to get to this particular Hospital, after all, you can never be too careful when you have children, and knowing how to get to things like that is very important, the drive was mostly in silence, until you looked over to Chase and you wouldn’t deny, something about him seemed… Off…. He had a darker look in his eyes “...You, uh… Okay…?” Chase looked over to you, that darkness quickly fading “Oh uh, yeah, even though I don’t know ‘em personally, I’m still worried about your friend and I know your worried sick too” Ah, so that was what the weird look in his eyes was for, Chase was so nice…

He cared about his family, friends, and you as well it seemed, hell, even people he didn’t know, complete strangers he had a great deal of care for, he was such a sweet man, and it felt like no time at all had passed and then you were both at the Hospital, Chase got out quickly as did you and he let you lead the way, you knew what room they were in so it’d probably be for the best if you led him there, one of the nurses had came over and stopped you both “Excuse me, are you (Y/N) by any chance?” You nodded quickly and pointed toward Chase “He’s with me as well” The nurse nodded and began to escort you both to the room “Your friend really desperately wanted you here with them, you two must be very close”

(i know thats probs not how it works in hospitals, they probs dont let’cha visit like that but listen, its just for plot- just s h h-)

You nodded at this “Yeah, we’ve uh, always been pretty close” Meanwhile Chase’s eyes darkened momentarily, he didn’t like the sound of that but, nonetheless, he just needed to calm down, before something v e r y bad happened… Eventually you both reached the room and immediately you ran over to your friend’s side “I’m here (F/N)! I’m here” (just give them whatever name ya want) Your friend looked at you and shakily reached out a hand to grasp at yours “(Y/N)... F-Fuck… Everything hurts like hell, th-that accident really did a number on me, one of the nurses just gave me s-some pain meds though” They laughed a little dryly, they looked to be in pretty bad shape “I just, I’m glad you’re alright, er, well, I mean not dead or anything… Jeez, what the hell even happened to you?” Your friend sighed “Some shithead wasn’t p-paying attention to… To where they were… Were going… I don’t even… I don’t even fucking know wh-what happened to them…” Your friend then turned over toward Chase “Oh? Who’s this guy?” You looked over and then back to your friend “Oh uh, this is Chase, we’ve uh, just been hanging out today ya know, had some ice cream and then went to go play some video games” Your friend then gave you a look and a weak smirk “Oooh~ So (Y/N)’s got themselves a lil date, yeah?~” Your eyes widened and you blushed a little “W-Well uh, I dunno if I’d call it that…”

Your friend then grinned “C’mon, (Y/N), really, your literally blushing…! It’s gotta be a date if your going that red faced over my simple question…!” And then a pause before a genuine smile crossed their lips, or well so you thought anyway “I uh… I’m… Really glad for you… Glad you found someone you like to spend time with…” Even though you couldn’t really see it, Chase could, that was no genuine smile… They were hurt… And for what? It’s not like you would have ever fallen for them, you two were just friends! ...And yet, the thought of them taking you away made Chase clench his fist and his breath hitch, he jumped however as you called out to him “You okay over there?” Even the nurse had looked concerned who was in the room, mostly checking to see if everything was still okay with your friend, Chase stood up and awkwardly chuckled “Oh uh, yeah I’m fine… I uh, I feel a bit awkward just idling here so Imma step outside, give ya some alone time with your friend…” And with that he stepped out of the room, pulling out his phones and earbuds, he leaned up against the wall and placed the earbuds in, although he definitely wasn’t planning on listening to music, he was just going to pretend he was so he could listen in on your conversations with t h e m…

Once the nurse had deemed everything was in order, she had left the room, on the way out she gave Chase a look who only flashed her a peace sign, and with that she walked away, you looked at your friend who was staring out of the room and you looked at them confused “...Uh, why are you just… Staring…?” Your friend looked back to you with a concerned expression on their face “Just, just be quiet for a few seconds…” You were confused but you did as told, staying quiet and for a few moments that’s all it was, except for the, well, the sounds of the Hospital, and then your friend turned to you “Just… Thought I heard something… That’s all…” There was a pause before you spoke “Are you like, okay…? You’re acting a bit weird…?”

Your friend only smiled “I’m fine, I swear, don’t worry so much (Y/N), I just genuinely thought I heard something, that’s all but I guess it was nothing, aside from that, I do gotta ask… Are you REALLY on a date with this uh, Chase guy…?” You shrugged “I mean… I dunno if I’d call it that…? I uh, I mean, I do like him honestly, he’s very sweet and kind…”

Your friend looked down at this “...I just, listen, I know this might sound outta place, and hell, it’s probably not even my business… But, I dunno about the guy… He gave me some, strange vibes… How did you two even meet?” You looked at your friend, a little offended at that statement but you’d carry on for now “Well, he bumped into me while I was out for my usual walk on the trail” Your friend looked over at you “...On the trail… That nobody but YOU usually goes on, yeah?” You didn’t like what they were trying to imply but you needed to keep your cool “(F/N), I mean, come on, there’s other people out there that walk the trail I’m sure of it” They only looked at you quizzically “...Have you ever seen these people…?” You were about to argue with that but then you thought about it and your friend did have a point at that, you really never saw anyone out there… However before you could speak out against them, they continued on “Like, what if he was stalking you or some shit?” And that’s when you narrowed your eyes “...(F/N), I really don’t like what you're implying here… I’m sure there are other people who walk the trail aside from me, I just so happened to run into one of them and that was Chase that day”

Your friend looked at you, almost glaring “I just, I dunno I don’t trust this dude… There’s something off about him” You looked offended at that “(F/N)...! I don’t exactly appreciate you saying that, Chase is a lovely man, he’s so sweet, kind, and honestly very caring” Your friend rolled their eyes “I dunno I just, I just don’t think he’s good for you…!” You glared at them and crossed your arms “I don’t think this is really any of your business, he’s treated me so nicely so far, and I think if there was something off about him I woulda noticed…” Your friend shook their head “I just, like, dunno about him! ...During your date or even before, did anything strange happen?” You were surprised by your friend’s sudden change in behavior, you didn’t understand this at all and honestly, you were beginning to feel a little hurt by it before you began remembering something… “...Well, before the date, I was just browsing through the shops, and I…” You paused, pondering for a moment before you frowned “...I… I DO remember getting a sensation of being watched while going into the clothing shop though now that I think about it…” And then the more you thought about it… Your eyes widened as you realized something “...And… And I was looking at one thing in particular… And, then I left because I couldn’t… I couldn’t afford it…” Your friend was looking more and more intrigued and concerned “And then what happened…?”

You looked up at them “...I remember Chase giving me… The… The EXACT same outfit…” You then shook your head “But there’s no way, he would NEVER do that” Your friend only sighed “How do you know that though?! You don’t KNOW him as well as you think you do, I guarantee he’s got some dark weird shit to hide…” Meanwhile outside, Chase was clenching his fists and gritting his teeth, he immediately stepped away and headed off to the bathroom, he had to… He couldn’t explode right there because then he’d scare you off… Eventually he found his way and slipped into the bathroom and he snarled, looking at himself in the mirror “...They're trying to take them away from me…” He muttered to himself.

He took his cap off and ran a hand through his hair, gripping it tight and tugging at it, he was s o fucking angry… How DARE they… First they interrupt him from telling you that he loved you, he was SO fucking close to FINALLY making a proper move… But nooo, that dumb b i t c h just HAD to get in his way… … He stared into the mirror for a few moments before glaring and punching it, he didn’t put enough force to break it but it definitely made a noticeable crack “...I need to take care of them… Before they take (Y/N) away from me, before they convince them with their shitty little ‘assumptions’... I… I just…” And then his eyes went wide a bit, he began shaking not only out of anger but also, there was fear, fear of losing you… Fear that you’d believe them, fear that you’d… You’d fucking h a t e him “God, oh god… Fuck, I can’t… I can’t lose them… I can’t lose them like I lost h e r…”

He tugged at his hair again, heavily breathing, he slumped to the floor, dropping his hat and mumbling over and over the words of ‘I can’t lose them’ mumbling all kinds of things, all the things he would do to your friend… But you’d never know about it, oh no, god no… Chase would never want that, he’d never want you to be scared of him, he loves you so much and he just… Needs to show you his love, that’s all… Needs to prove your friend wrong with the assumptions about him... After a few moments of panicking, he took some deep breaths, trying to calm himself down and focus, he knew what he had to do... He then picked his hat back up and stood up, placing it back on his head and storming out of the bathroom, he knew his plan, he’d come back when you weren’t here, that’s when he needed to strike… Meanwhile, back inside the hospital room, you and your friend had gotten into a heated argument, you not being able to believe that Chase would stalk you or be weird like that.

“Fucking hell (Y/N)! Are you that fucking dense?! There’s NO fucking way he got you the EXACT same outfit you were JUST looking at just, fucking randomly like that! He’s a fucking stalker! He was stalking you on that trail too I GUARANTEE it!” You shook your head “You don’t know that!! I… I just…” And that’s when you broke down… You were crying now, falling by their side and just sobbing, you just… Couldn’t believe this, you didn’t know if you should… They WERE your best friend, they always looked out for you, but… You really liked Chase so far, he seemed so genuine, so sweet and caring and just… Your friend’s gaze softened and they put a hand on your shoulder, maybe, maybe they took it a bit too far this time… “I… I… …(Y/N)... I’m sorry… I just, I’m scared for you… I don’t want you to get hurt, especially not when I can’t fucking be there to protect you… I… I’m sorry for calling you dense, and being so hostile… Please, just, be careful around him okay? Stuff just… Doesn’t add up with him…” You nodded, still face down by their side, all this had made you feel sick… Your friend patted your shoulder a bit “I mean, I’ve always looked out for you, usually I know what’s best and I just… I dunno, he gives me bad vibes… ...I-I’m not, just, look I’ll be honest… I was a bit jealous of him at first but-” Before your friend could finish you roughly pulled away from them and stared at them in disbelief.

“...You…. Your jealous of him…?” Your friend had realized perhaps that was a bad time to say that but before they could speak again and clarify, you glared “No, just fucking s t o p… I’ve heard enough from you, I don’t NEED your fucking ‘protection’ I see exactly how it is… THAT’S why you’ve been acting so weird since you saw him! You’re only protecting me because of jealousy” You paused before shaking your head “Listen to me, we’re JUST friends, I’m sorry… I just, I’ve never felt THAT way about you… And I NEVER will… I can’t fucking believe you tried to fool me into thinking Chase was a bad guy! When really YOUR the bad one here!” You yelled, standing up and then storming out, ignoring your friend calling out to you, you bumped into Chase who looked confused now “(Y/N)...? What… What’s wrong? You look angry…” You only looked at him then back at the room “Go ask them, I’m going back to the car okay? Just… Whenever you get ready you can come on…”

And then you left without another word, before Chase could even say anything, the man bit his lip and then wandered into the room, looking at your friend who laid there, sniffling just a little bit “I...I’m sorry…” They mumbled, and now, if you had been calm they might would have gotten sympathy from you, but from Chase, there was never going to be any fucking sympathy from him, he casually sauntered over to where your friend lay and startled them once he sat down in the chair “Care to explain to me why (Y/N) was so pissed? Like, damn, I’ve only known ‘em for awhile but still, ain’t seen ‘em that angry even yet”

Your friend only glared at Chase “Shut the fuck up… This… This is all y o u r fault… You sick fuck, you were following them, weren’t you? You were fucking stalking them! Nobody else but me and (Y/N) has ever walked that trail, and the EXACT same outfit they just so happened to want?! That’s not a coincidence, listen to me you shithead… I might not be able to get up and go with them right now or anything like that, but when I get out of here, I swear… I’ll p r o v e to (Y/N) that you’re a sick bastard, I’ll fucking p r o v e it to them” Chase’s eyes darkened, however there was a sly smirk playing on his lips “...Aren’t you the jealous type? Fuckin’ hell dude… And I thought I could be jealous sometimes… But you? You are really ridiculous…!” Chase leaned closer, causing them to try and lean away in case the man tried something “...What makes you think even for a second (Y/N) would even believe you…? You really shouldn’t have admitted your jealousy to them, that’s such a rookie mistake…!” Your friend’s eyes widened “You...You fucker! You were listening in on our conversation! I… I…” They immediately tried to sit up and Chase grasped at them, not too roughly of course, he didn’t want to hurt them ...Yet… However at that, they immediately smacked him in the face “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!” And that made Chase yell for one of the nurses who quickly came running in “What’s going on here?!” Chase feigned innocence at this “I… I don’t know…! Something’s wrong with them…! They were trying to get up and walk outta here and then when I tried to stop them, they hit me…!”

(I thought for a moment that i fucked up but Chase, had probs come back from the bathroom and was right there as they admitted jealousy maybe? Idk, just- gonna cheese this part n say that- also I really dont like how the friend fight went, if I had time or patience, I’d genuinely probs try to re-write it but you gotta understand, this is already a LONG ass story so thats a big oof, and a big goof on my part so yeye)

The nurse was shocked by this, and even your friend was shocked by this, damn… He was good… Real good… They tried to explain as the nurse got the doctor and then they came over with a needle, they struggled, trying to kick at the doctor’s and nurses, trying desperately to explain that Chase was lying… But they didn’t believe it for one second, just thinking they were in pure hysterics, they gasped as Chase took a hold of them and smiled so sweetly

“Don’t worry (F/N)... I promise you, I’ll take EXTRA good care of (Y/N) while you’re here...” And with that, the doctor managed to FINALLY sedate them, the last image running through their mind before passing out was of you, of Chase doing so many horrible things to you… Chase then sighed deeply “Phew… I don’t know what happened… I just didn’t want ‘em tryna get outta here, I uh, know a thing or two when it comes to bein’ in hospitals, and in their case, I guess it’s like, really important to get rest n stuff like that” The doctor nodded “We do appreciate your help and for you notifying us Mister…?” Chase smiled and extended a hand “Just call me Chase, dude…” The doctor nodded, returning the handshake “Of course, thank you very much Chase” And with that the doctor began looking over the other’s vitals, and honestly, he seemed to be pondering what on EARTH could have caused a reaction like that…? The nurse came over to Chase and looked at the bruise forming on his cheek “Sir, would you like me to help you with that…? They must’ve slapped you pretty hard…” Chase shook his head “Nah, trust me, I uh, I’ve been through worse… Imma go, (Y/N)’s waitin’ for me in the car… I should… Definitely get them back home” The nurse nodded, waving as Chase left the room, he was turned to where they couldn’t see but he had a pleased smirk on his face, he’d be back for them tonight…

There’s no way he could just let them live now, they knew too much, they’d get in his way… He had to eliminate them but first things first, getting back to you so he could comfort you, after all, the fight you two had must’ve been pretty severe… The thoughts of your friend upsetting you in such a way only fueled his anger and hatred toward them even more as he made his way into the parking lot and to his car, he saw you through the window, he could tell you were crying and his gaze softened, a frown on his face, that fucker… They made you c r y… Oh the t h i n g s he wanted to do to your ‘friend’ more than likely former friend after all that’s happened… He wanted to just strangle them, beat them to death with his bare hands even, he wanted to feel their blood on himself but given they were in the hospital, he needed a quicker method, luckily… He had something but, not now… He took a deep breath and hopped into his car, noticing how he startled you “Sorry! Sorry…! I just, uh, had to use the bathroom…” You looked at him, not caring if he saw your red and puffy eyes really, because you had noticed on his cheek, a large bruise forming “What happened to you…? Did you get into a fight in the bathroom?” Chase looked down “Not… Exactly… U-Uh… I just…” He took his cap off and ran a hand through his hair before putting it back on “...Your friend, was like, trying to escape the hospital and shit like that… And I just, didn’t want ‘em hurting themselves more than they already were and then they hit me… They called me a sick fuck, a stalker, all kinds of things… I just… I don’t, understand… Did I do something wrong...? Why do they hate me already?”

You gently placed a hand on his cheek, making sure not to apply any pressure to the bruise “...No Chase, no you haven’t… They were just fucking jealous, and I don’t even know w h y… I don’t like them, not like that, but… Now, I’m not sure I like them at ALL… Not even as a friend anymore, they literally just fucking HIT you…! And for what?! Because they were jealous?! That’s NO excuse to hit anyone!” You sniffled, and at that Chase pulled you into a hug “(Y/N) just, sh… I… I… I’m sorry… I didn’t… I didn’t mean to come between you and your friend… I… I never wanted to do that…” ...Well, part of that was technically a lie, Chase couldn’t care less about coming in between you and t h a t friend in particular, they are too much of a hazard…

He knew, if they had continued to live, the moment they got out of the hospital, they’d try taking you away from him ...N o t. This. Time… He might have slipped up and let h e r escape but not you… No n o… You are so much more special to him than she was anyways at this point… You wrapped your arms around him “C-Chase, please… It’s not YOUR fault… I just… I dunno about them, g-god if they hit you… Oh jeez, what if they hit me…? What if they tried to hurt me…?” Chase gripped you tighter, that thought not sitting well with him at all “...I wouldn’t let them, not ever” You couldn’t help but smile at those words, your friend was wrong, so wrong about Chase, he wasn’t a creepy stalker, he was a nice caring man, it was THEM who was bad, hell, for all you knew excluding the outfit THEY could have been the one stalking you earlier… You just didn't know… This was all too much for one night “Can we, uh, go back home…? I… I don’t wanna be here anymore…” Chase nodded “Uh yeah, I do have something to tell you though… I’ll make it quick I promise” You looked at Chase, a bit confused by this but then you remembered earlier “Oh yeah, go ahead and tell me, what’s up?” Chase bit his lip and he was shaking suddenly, it was now or never… He took your hand gently in his “(Y/N)... I genuinely care so much about you, I’ve needed to get this off my chest for a while now… I love you, with all my heart, you mean the world to me… And I… I just, uh, do you… Feel the same way…?” He looked so nervous and scared, you had honestly felt bad for him but you simply smiled and placed a quick peck on his cheek “...Despite what my ahem, ex-friend had to say… I don’t think you're a bad guy, you’ve been nothing but kind and sweet to me… And, if I’m being honest, I’ve had a wonderful time with you so far, so what I’m trying to say is, yes, yes I do feel the same…”

And that’s when Chase could swear, had it not been something cartoon-y or in drawings, his eyes would have formed into hearts right there (cursed thought: Chase doing the very stereotypical yandere pose and you know he’d have them heart eyes motherfucker) he had so much adoration and love for you, he really did… He then pulled you into almost a too tight hug and began sobbing into your chest “I… I was so…. I was so scared… Scared yo-you’d say no, scared… You wouldn’t… Love me back…” You were a bit shocked by that but you only held him back “Chase…” You spoke, your voice soft “I promise, to love you, forever… You’re the sweetest, kindest man… It’s okay hun, I promise, I’ll always love you no matter what” (-eyes reader nervously-) That made Chase smile “...Thank… Thank you… I’ll love you too… Forever and always… I promise, I’ll take good care of you…” And with that Chase let go, wiped some tears away and cranked up his vehicle “C’mon, I’ll get you back to your place, it’s uh, been a l o n g ass night…” You nodded and the ride was mostly in silence, apart from you leaning over onto Chase’s shoulder, the man smiled at that, he seemed so happy… So much more happier now that you had both confessed your love for each other “Go ahead and sleep a little babe, it’s gonna be a pretty long ride back to your place from here…” You nodded and yawned, nuzzling into his shoulder which he blushed at, that happy smile never leaving his face.

You then slowly fell asleep, comfortably nuzzled into Chase’s shoulder, now… Chase hadn’t forgotten what he had to do, but first thing was first, getting you home safe and sound… Blissfully unaware of the man’s intentions and he’d try his damnedest to keep it that way… Eventually he pulled into your driveway and looked over at you, he nudged you a little and you stirred slightly, rubbing your eyes and looking around a bit disoriented “Mm…?”

Chase then carefully hopped out of his car and made his way over to your side, opening the door and scooping you into his arms bridal style, he was careful to not jostle you too much “Don’t worry (Y/N) my darling… I’ll take ya inside... I put my kids to bed all the time, so this is a piece of cake” He grinned, and you only grumbled at that “I’m not… nng, a kid… I’m a gro...grooowwwnnnn asssss…. Adult…” You slurred, making him chuckle a little bit “I know babe, I know…” He made his way inside, furrowing his brows a bit “...Honey, you need to remember to lock your doors next time… No tellin’ what kinda freaks and sickos could get in here…” You only nodded, half-understanding what he said, he made it to your bedroom finally and laid you down carefully into your bed, letting you get into your most comfortable position and then proceeding to tuck you in, you mumbled a soft goodnight before passing out once more and Chase only softly chuckled, leaning forward to brush his fingers against your cheek before giving it a quick kiss “Goodnight babe… Seeya tomorrow…” He whispered, and with that, quietly made his way out of your room and out of your house, he crept back into his car and pulled out of your driveway carefully, his car… Wasn’t the MOST silent on the planet but he was sure it wasn’t enough sound to wake you up.

Now, before he headed home… He had one more thing to take care of, the night was going to be over soon so he had to act fast… He drove back toward the hospital, he kept thinking about your little friend or as you said earlier, former friend… But even then, that wasn’t enough because he knew, deep down, that if your friend had made it out of that hospital then they would definitely take you away from him, the thought of them trying to take you away made him grip the steering wheel tightly in anger, no… There was no fucking way he was going to let that happen, no one would take you away from him, not EVER! And with the last thought going through his head, he sped up, luckily he had the perfect weapon in the back of his trunk, perfect for this particular occasion… Eventually… He reached the hospital, slowly getting out of his car and retrieving said weapon, he looked toward the building in question, a sick grin spreading across his face “...Let’s take care of ‘em before they become a b i g g e r problem…” He muttered to himself, heading toward the building in question, he knew his way around this hospital so far, it wasn’t too terribly hard to navigate the place, and of course likewise he knew exactly where their room was now…

He headed toward the back of the building, it’d be easier to enter from there and he also wouldn’t be spotted too easily, however upon getting back there he saw your friend limping away, looking back at the door and around to make sure nobody was around to see them, however when they locked eyes with Chase their eyes widened, they immediately limped over “What the fuck are YOU doing here…?!” They half-whispered, not wanting to draw any attention to themselves, Chase only raised a brow at this, a small smirk on his face “I could ask you the same question bro, what’cha doin’ sneakin’ outta here?” They shook their head “None of your business, now get the fuck out of my way, I’ve got things to do…!” They tried to move past but Chase only shoved them back, they glared at him but he only chuckled “Now see… I can’t let’cha do that dude… I KNOW exactly what you’re gonna go and do… I can’t let you take (Y/N) away from me, I love them t o o much for that…” He paused before grinning “And besides… They k n o w what you did, they saw the bruise on my cheek, and now…”

He paused for a few moments, the weapon in question he had pulled from his car earlier was a baseball bat, he revealed it to the other and their eyes widened, suddenly their confident demeanor had changed and Chase seemed to get a chuckle out of that “They’re afraid of you… Afraid you’ll hit ‘em or do some other awful shit, I promised (Y/N)... I’d never let you hurt or take them away from me… ...And I came here to make g o o d on that promise…” They backed up as Chase came closer “...You… You are fucking insane… No w a y (Y/N)’s afraid of me…! I… I would… And I’d NEVER fucking hit them…! They don’t know what you said to me, if they did, they’d understand WHY I hit you then…! You manipulative piece of shit…!” Still had so much spite, despite their confidence going down the drain “...They even said you were their former friend now, it sounds to me like (Y/N) doesn’t wanna associate with you or be around you anymore…” Chase spoke and that made them pause, their eyes wide “...They… You… No, NO! You’re fucking lying!” They paused for a moment, even though Chase had a bat and the crazy bastard probably wanted to kill them, they still had one trick up their sleeve “I’m not going to let you manipulate and hurt my friend like this…!” Chase only smirked and tilted his head “I would n e v e r wanna hurt (Y/N), you ain’t gettin’ it through your thick skull are you? I l o v e them with all my heart, I just want to make them happy… I just want (Y/N) to be happy, with me… And besides, just how exactly are ya gonna prove to ‘em what I said? They’ll NEVER believe you now…”

A pause before he continued “They’ll never believe ya if you told ‘em I was listening in to your conversations, they’ll never believe you if you tell ‘em I stalked them on the trail and of course at some of the shops, but ya know… I’ll go ahead and admit to ya right now, seein’ as they’ll never believe shit you say… Oh and of course, the fact that I’m gonna kill you... I w a s stalking them… They were just so beautiful… I needed to know what (Y/N) liked, what they wanted, and from the very first moment I laid eyes on them I knew… They were the one for me… They were m i n e… And I just had to have ‘em” They only glared at Chase as he spoke, wrinkling their nose in pure disgust, before they suddenly grinned, this caused Chase to raise a brow “...I’ve got proof… At least now I do… See, I figured you would come back… I KNEW you’d want me outta the picture so you could be with (Y/N)...” They pulled out their phone and showed him it had been recording all this time and now it was Chase’s turn to lose his confidence, his eyes widened as he watched them put it back in their pocket “...And once I get out of here, I’m going to let them hear e v e r y t h i n g you said… The part about you stalking them, you listening into our conversations, even you threatening to kill me! I’ve got it all recorded, your ass is as good as gone when they find out, they’ll leave you, they’ll never want to be around you EVER again!”

((BTW: Here’s the fight/beating/death part, just as a reminder to you all okay?))

Chase hadn’t accounted for this… For them to plan this far ahead, if he didn’t get rid of them right now… If he didn’t finish them off right now, they really WOULD be able to take you away from him… Slowly, he began to spiral, the thoughts of losing you to anything really made his heart hurt and his eyes then darkened, he clutched his bat and immediately lunged for the other, knocking them down on the ground, their eyes widened and they pulled a scalpel from their pocket, raising up to cut into Chase who grunted and then backed off to avoid anymore cuts, despite being small, if he let them, that scalpel could do a hell of a lotta damage if he wasn’t careful, all he needed was a good hit with his bat and it could stun them or maybe even…

Kill them immediately… However, that’s not really what he wants, he wants to drag this out for a bit, he really wants to make them suffer, suffer for them for getting in his way so much, for trying to tear his beloved (Y/N) away from him, eventually they made a move and tried to get past him, not really wanting to fight him or even kill him, they just needed to get back to you with the evidence before it was too late, however… Chase saw the opportunity and swung the bat at them, hitting them in the back mostly but it was still enough to knock them down and then the scalpel had unfortunately fallen out of their hands and onto the ground, before they could manage to crawl over and get it, Chase had stood his boot onto their ankle “No, no ya fuckin’ don’t…! I’m NOT letting you take (Y/N) away from me! You just can’t STAND us being together! And for what?! Because you’re fuckin’ jealous or some shit? Lemme make it VERY clear for ya… (Y/N) is not and will NEVER be interested in you…! They are MINE…” He snarled, venom lacing every word he spoke as he leaned down to spin them onto their back, he then raised the bat up and proceeded to hit them over and over, repeatedly, as they screamed for help he leaned down and roughly slapped a hand over their mouth “Shut the fuck up…!” He spat, giving them a harsh punch with his hand, then he raised back up and continued his onslaught with his bat, making sure to deliver heavy and harsh hits to the other.

They coughed up some blood and looked up at Chase, their vision blurring as they whimpered and cried out “P-Please… I… I… I won’t… I’ll leave… you… alone… Just… F-fuck…” They groaned in pain, their eyes staring up into Chase’s “Please… Please don’t kill me…” They begged, but Chase only laughed at that “No way…! After ALL the bullshit you’ve tried to pull you HONESTLY fuckin’ think I’m going to spare you ANY mercy…?” He lifted the bat high above his head, a sick grin spread across his face “Go to hell!” He yelled, slamming the bat down hard on their head, blood splattering all over the pavement, the bat itself, and even over Chase, with that last hit they fell limp, no life detected in their eyes whatsoever, just to be sure however… Chase leaned down and checked their pulse, checking for any breathing as well, he smiled to himself when he heard nothing, not even the faintest sign of breathing, he reached into their pocket and grabbed their phone, looking over the recording and sighing, he dropped the device to the ground and smashed it underneath his boot, no way in hell was he going to let that thing stay in tact… Now however, came the big problem of getting the body out of here, and just where the hell was he going to put this thing…? Before he could even decide, he heard someone coming up and his eyes widened, he made sure not to leave his bat behind and ran off into the darkness, he needed to get back to his vehicle and quickly before someone caught him.

He could hear the scream in the distance as he made his way back to his vehicle and hopped inside, placing the bat in the back underneath one of the seats, luckily the blood was beginning to dry, well, okay no, that wasn’t THAT lucky… Considering he wanted to clean the bat later but oh well, he then sped off into the night, not even glancing back at the Hospital, he smiled to himself, very pleased with his work, at least they wouldn’t ever come between him and you anymore… No more worries, all he needed to do now was get home and- ….THE KIDS! His eyes widened as he sped up a little more, while, preventing them from becoming a nuisance was very important, he still cared about his kids, and oh god… He didn’t want them to see him like this, not with blood all over his clothes, how would he ever even explain that to them…

Eventually, he made it back home and slowly opened the door, looking around to make sure his kids weren’t awake yet, it was almost time for them to get up given it was a school day so Chase quickly crept off to his own room, firstly he put the bat into his closet, outta sight outta mind he thought before grabbing another shirt and jeans, he didn’t really care what he put on so long as it WASN’T bloodied… He went to the bathroom and looked over the wound from the scalpel, frowning slightly, he had a med kit, okay, well… A few med kits lying around, he wanted to be extra prepared just in case, he then began cleaning the wound of any blood, disinfecting it which made him hiss in pain, damn… Stab wounds are a bitch to deal with, after making sure it was disinfected properly he wrapped it up with some bandages, he then ran some water and scooped some up in his hands to splash on his face, cleaning himself up just a bit more, once he was finally free of any and all the blood stains he put the new shirt and jeans on and smiled “That’s better…” He then headed out to go wake the kids up, even though they didn’t really want to but really what kid ever wants to get up that early…? ...Eh, either way… He fixed them some food, helped get them dressed, and then waited with them until the bus arrived, he then kissed their foreheads and waved them off as they headed off to school. Now… He needed to do some laundry, get those bloodied clothes outta the way…!

Some time later in the day, you woke up with a groan and looked around, you remembered what had happened the other day and you honestly still felt like shit because of all that… You wanted to just relax for the day… Maybe later you would go and visit Chase but for now you just slowly got out of bed and headed for the shower, taking a quick one and changing clothes just to get freshened up a bit, which honestly had helped you feel just a LITTLE better… You then went off to grab some cereal, taking it to the living room to watch some tv, you had turned on the news not… REALLY to watch the news portion of it but you just wanted to know the weather for today before planning anything, as you were watching for a bit and eating your cereal slowly, your eyes widened slightly as the headline read ‘’(Friend’s full name) was found last night by one of the nurses, the reports say what likely caused their death was more than likely a baseball bat and a very nasty blow to the head, there is no information on whom the killer may be at this time but we’ll keep you up to date with any new information.’’ you stood up and accidentally dropped your bowl, it came crashing to the floor, bowl shattering and the rest of the milk and cereal pieces splattering everywhere, you were shaking as you raised a hand up to cover your mouth, tears beginning to pool around your eyes, you… Despite claiming they were a former friend just the other day, th...that was just out of anger!

You didn’t want anything BAD to happen to them! You DIDN’T want them to fucking D I E! You had broken down into sobs and almost borderline screaming, you whispered your friend’s name a few times, muttered so many apologies to them and wishes that it wasn’t them… Why did it have to be them? Why couldn’t it have been YOU instead?! You regretted the big fight you two had, you regretted calling them a former friend, you regretted it all… You wondered if they had regretted it, you wondered who could have even done such a thing?! Who had it out for your friend?! ....It… No... You didn’t want to start thinking like that… Besides, Chase would NEVER do something that cruel, that horrible! He’d NEVER fucking murder someone in cold blood!

You just wondered… Who could have done this? You just… You couldn’t… You continued to sob and wail, the grief was overwhelming, you didn’t even hear the door open… Chase sighed “Again, babe, the do-” before he could finish his scolding, his eyes widened when they landed on you on the floor, practically bawling your little eyes out, a broken bowl and a mess on the floor, he immediately dashed over and was going to reach down to pick you up but then he paused “H-H-Hey… hey baby, darling… What’s wrong…? Can… Can I touch you…? I wanna, like, help you up outta the floor…” He needed to be sure, once he got your nod he carefully picked you up and placed you on the couch, he noticed you had gotten some milk and remains of the bowl on your pants, he’d deal with all that in a moment however, first and foremost… He sat down beside you, placing a hand on your back and rubbing in soothing circles “Honey… What’s gotten you THIS distraught…?” You continued to sob, your throat was growing hoarse and you felt like vomiting, you couldn’t even manage to tell him what was wrong, you just pointed to the tv and Chase looked over, since it was still fairly early and it hadn’t been too long, the news, weather, and all of that repeated, the same story you saw about your friend came on and Chase’s eyes widened, he figured this was the case…

He would have hidden the body where no one could have found it had he had the time… He hated to see you this upset and distraught “O-Oh… Fuck… Babe, I’m so sorry for your loss… I-I know, you both had that big fight… And just… That makes it… just, fuck… C-Come here, do you want me to hold ya? I-I mean like, is… is that okay dude?” You slowly gave a nod and Chase leaned over, gently taking a hold of you and embracing you in a tight hug, it wasn’t tight enough for any discomfort, quite the opposite actually, his arms around you and being this close to him was what you needed, you sobbed into his chest and he began slowly stroking your hair “Shhshhshsh… It’ll be okay…” He paused before whispering little reassurances into your ear “I...I know how it feels… To lose someone close to you… I-I mean, I don’t… I don’t know if she’s dead or not… But… My… My ex-wife, she left, a l o n g ass time ago, left me, the kids, all by ourselves… And it, it still hurts even to this day… Just, not as bad as it USED to... Grief… Look, I’m no expert, but grief can come in many forms but eventually… you’ll… You’ll get through it, eventually, it, it won’t hurt as bad ya know? And baby, listen, Imma be right here with ya every step of the way, I promise…” He smiled slightly, pulling you a bit closer, you listened to his words and you didn’t have the ability to speak at this point, your voice was hoarse from all that sobbing but you slightly smiled at that, you were… Glad he’d be there for you… The one thing you managed to utter out was a “sorry… about… the shirt…”

Chase chuckled and shook his head “Eh don’t worry about it, I have plenty more shirts where this one came from… Now just… Here, lemme get this cleaned up for you and then I’ll getcha some water, and then we’re gonna head over to my place, or if ya wanna stay here at home that’s fine too, I just gotta be back before my kids get home from school today though…” You looked at Chase and he could tell you were about to argue with him “Before you even try to say what I think your going to, please baby, I insist, I’ll clean this up for you, it isn’t a problem” You then sighed and just let him do what he wanted, first and foremost he grabbed some water, tossing it your way and he was surprised when you got it “Nice one babe!” He called out from the kitchen proceeding to go and look for the tools he needed.

He came back over, proceeding to sweep up all the bowl shards, he didn’t know whether to be lucky that the milk had dried up or not but either way, he managed to get the shards into the dustpan and then he began mopping up the milk, eventually he managed to get it all cleaned up and threw the shards into the trash can, and then he came back over and looked at you “So… You wanna stay here, or head on over to my place? Ya… Ya don’t gotta speak if ya don’t wanna, just hold up one finger for your place, two for mine” You smiled at how thoughtful he was being, you then took a few sips of water and held up two fingers to which he nodded at, he then scooped you up “Welp, c’mon then, let’s go chill for awhile, take our minds off all the bad shit!” He grinned and carried you out the door to his vehicle, opening the door and putting you inside, you slowly managed to get buckled as he hopped in the driver’s seat, he had really wished he had time, time to hide that body, time to prevent you from seeing that tragedy on the news, from making you bawl your eyes out, part of him felt guilt, not for killing them, oh n o… The bitch deserved it, but… You didn’t deserve to see that, you didn’t deserve to hear them announce their death, you shouldn’t have even known about that in the first place…

That was the only reason for guilt but at least you didn’t know he was in fact the one that did it… Nothing could get in his way now! Nothing could come between you, nothing could ruin this day! The drive back to Chase’s place was mostly in silence aside from Chase cracking a few jokes, he really was trying his best to help you feel better, and you won’t deny some of the jokes definitely made you crack a smile, as he pulled into his driveway, he hopped out and helped you out and inside, he sat you down on the couch and then grabbed some controllers, he handed you one and then turned on Minecraft “Let’s uh, play a more chill game this time around, yeah?” You smiled and nodded, watching as Chase created a new world for the both of you, he kept it on survival mode but he then set the difficulty to peaceful “Next time if ya want, we’ll play in easy, normal, or hell- hard if you’re feelin’ brave enough! But for now, let’s just gather supplies, food, and have some fun” You nodded, still not really wanting to talk, you didn’t want to wind up straining yourself… So you two sat in silence, just gathering up some food, supplies, and various other items, honestly this was pretty relaxing, it was really helping you de-stress… You even managed to find a good amount of diamonds which Chase seemed proud and impressed by “Guess the seed we spawned in is a pretty damn good one ain’t it, babe?” You nodded at his words.

You two played Minecraft for a long time, it was more than likely hours actually, minus getting up to fix some food or grab a snack or something to drink, eventually you got tired of playing Minecraft and cuddled up next to Chase who smiled at this, he placed an arm around you, pulling you closer to him, the embrace felt so nice… Your eyes fluttered shut as you leaned in a bit more, snuggling up close to him, you were just beginning to get comfortable before your eyes opened “...Annnd I have to pee…” You groaned in frustration and shot up from your spot and you heard Chase snickering as you walked down the hallway, you looked at his room and noticed the door was cracked open, now… Going into someone’s bedroom all of a sudden without their permission was… Pretty bad to say the least, but something in your head was telling you to go satiate whatever curiosity that had just sparked in your brain…

(it's the writer astral projecting curiosity onto the reader bc he needs them to go into that room to advance the plot- im kidding ofc but still tho)

You quietly crept toward the door, looking back to make sure Chase wasn’t there, you didn’t… Really want to upset him by doing this, all you wanted was just a quick peek and then you were done… Upon pushing open the door your nose scrunched up, you smelt something awful… It smelled… Metallic… It was an absolutely rotten stench that had plagued your nose, you looked over toward his closet, whatever the smell was it seemed to be coming from that direction, you were thinking now that maybe you shouldn’t have come in here, for some reason… The Closet had given you an unnerving feeling… You felt as though you should just turn back now and forget you ever came in here, however… It was too late to turn back now, your curiosity was too strong, just… One quick peek and then you’d forget the whole thing… You stepped closer to the closet, your body growing tense as you shakily reached out for the knob, you then pulled the door open and your eyes widened at what you had seen on the ground… It was a baseball bat… Your mind flash-backed to this morning, the reports on the news had said the weapon was a baseball bat… ...No, just no- There was no way… Chase would never- this had to be a coincidence, you noticed some dried red stains on the bat, the closer you got the more that smell overwhelmed you, you knew that scent, after all… Blood, even when dried, is a hard scent to mistake…

You slowly backed up from the closet, eyes wide and in shock, how… why… Why would he?! There’s no reason, this HAS to be a misunderstanding surely, you jumped and almost screamed when you heard a small tsk sound come from behind, you spun around quickly and looked Chase in the eyes, he was leaning on the doorway, arms crossed and a neutral expression on his face, he didn’t look angry but then again he didn’t look happy either “(Y/N)... Hasn’t your parents ever taught ya not to snoop through people’s shit…? We all have our private stuff dude, that’s so not cool…” You looked at Chase then back at the bat then back at him “Ch-Cha...Chase…” You whispered, this seemed to catch his attention and his expression softened a little bit “...Babe… I’m just, look, I’m not mad I promise… I AM disappointed however” He was scolding you, as if you were like a child… “Cha...se… did…” You took a shaky deep breath, your hands and legs beginning to shake, you… You just needed to know “...Did you do it…?” The man still had a smile on his face as he tilted his head slowly “...Did I do w h a t, baby…? Are you… Trying to accuse me…” And then there was a pause before slowly he stood, still blocking your exit “...Are you seriously trying to accuse me of murdering your friend…?” There was some hurt to his voice but something was off, he didn’t have that loving and caring aura around him anymore, you felt… Nervous… More nervous than you should have ever felt around someone you had come to love.

“You… You di….You did, didn’t you…? I….I… You… You got mad… That they hit you… d-didn’t you? You killed them didn’t you?!” You suddenly yelled and Chase looked taken aback before he frowned “...Babe, I think you’re overreacting and jumping to conclusions here… I didn’t touch your friend, I swear…” You shook your head “How...How can I trust you, how can I believe you? That bat has fucking dried blood on it!” Chase shook his head “It’s just a design!”

You then glared at him “IT EVEN SMELLS LIKE BLOOD, CHASE!” You shouted, tears welling in your eyes, this wasn’t… This couldn’t be happening right now, this wasn’t… You couldn’t… Just… Chase seemed to notice your panic “H-Hey… Heyy… Sweetheart… Please, just… Calm down, it’s alright… This is all one big misunderstanding… I promise you…” He tried to step closer and you immediately backed up “S-St...Stay away from me, Chase… Just… Just stay away… I… I don’t… I think… I-I just…” You were breathing heavily, staring into his eyes “I...I just… wanna go home… I just… I just need some rest I think ahaaa… I-It’s been a long day already and just…” Chase nodded “C’mon then, I’ll drive you-” You interrupted him “NO!” You shouted but then coughed and shook your head “I-I mean, no, no… I...I’d rather just walk…” Chase’s eyes darkened and he clenched his hand into a fist, the next sentence he seemed to grit his teeth as he spoke “Then how about I walk ya home, s w e e t h e a r t…?” You shivered as he stepped a little closer “I… I… C-Chase please-” He interrupted you “Baby, I don’t know why you're acting like I’m some kind of monster, I told you already… I didn’t do SHIT to your little f r i e n d… And b e s i d e s… Just…” He took a deep breath and looked at you, pure adoration in his eyes “Baby, I love you, so much… I’m not a monster, I didn’t kill your friend… I would n e v e r do that… Please, you have to believe me…” You looked at him, you just… You thought back to what your friend had said.

“...Maybe they were right about you… Th… Oh my god…” You had just realized something “...They told me they had a bad feeling about you, I thought they were just jealous…” Chase then tried to interrupt “Because they w e r e honey, they were jeal-” You shook your head and cut him off “No… No they weren’t just jealous, maybe there was something there but… They… They’ve been my best friend for as long as I can remember… They’d never lie to me… I… Fuck, I’ve made a mistake… I just, Chase, I just… I don… I don’t think… It’s going to work out between us” And that made Chase snarl, he reached out and gripped your arm tightly, this made you cry out in pain “(Y/N)... No, don’t you d a r e say that… I just- Listen… I have TRIED my damnedest here… But if this is how your gonna be... You wanna know the truth? Do you REALLY wanna know the truth? About EVERYTHING?” You looked at him confused before your eyes widened, the sudden grin on Chase’s face made your stomach churn “...I did it… But, I didn’t do it to hurt you… Baby… They wanted to get in my way… In OUR way… They were going to get out of that hospital and try and take you away from me… I just… I couldn’t, I couldn’t handle the thought of losing you… I… I know what I did was wrong, I know… But I just… You have to understand, I do NOT want to lose you…”

(Another BIG reminder: Abuse is bout to happen!! Chase is about to do something he regrets MORE SO than forgetting to expose that bat fkjdslfdjsl)

You felt sick, you felt absolutely sick and disgusted with what you heard “...Chase… You fucking killed my BEST friend! YOU FUCKING KILLED THEM, YOU FUCKING BASTARD- JUST LET ME GO- I DON’T WANNA BE WITH YOU ANYMORE!” You began thrashing in his grip, trying to get away from him, but suddenly out of the blue, a fist had came crashing down on your cheek, it wasn’t hard enough to break a bone but it was sure gonna leave one hell of a mark, your eyes were wide and so were Chase’s as he let you go for a second, you stumbled and fell onto your ass and held your cheek, tears beginning to well up in your eyes as you stared up at Chase fearfully who looked… Regretful, looked shocked even, he placed a shaking hand over his mouth as he stared down at you “I…” He began, but then paused, what could he say now…?

He knelt down and tried to get closer to you only for you to back up in fear, your heart beating out of your chest right now as tears ran down your face, little sobs escaping your form as Chase shook his head “No… No no no… Babe…. That… I didn’t… Please, I’m sorry… Really I am, I didn’t mean to hit you… I just… It’s just, you… You promised to be with me forever, you promised you’d love me no matter what, and I just got angry and just… Please, c-come here, let me see…” He reached out to grab you again and you went stiff even if his touch was gentle this time, he moved your hand from the bruised area and gently and ever so carefully ran a finger down it “F-Fuck… I did the one thing I said I was never going to do… I s w o r e I’d never fucking hurt you… I’m such a fucking idiot…” Tears were now in his eyes as he thumbed over the bruise “J-Just… Come with me… I’m going to take care of this…” You were like a deer caught in headlights as he pulled you up and along with him, he wasn’t being as rough or forceful this time but you were fucking terrified, terrified he was going to hit you again if you tried anything or said anything… You flinched away as he began doctoring the area he just hit, you really didn’t want him touching you, you really didn’t even want to be around him anymore, but you had a funny feeling if you said that again… Well, there’s no telling what he’d do, after he finished doctoring the area he leaned in and kissed it better, you cringed in disgust at his actions.

“T-The...There… All… All better now… I… I, (Y/N)... I know you don’t believe me right now… I k n o w you probably even fucking hate my guts right now but l-listen… I… I genuinely d o n ‘ t want to hurt you, my anger just… Got out of control but I can promise you, I can and WILL control that from now on, I won’t ever hit you again… I swear, I...I know it’s hard to believe me right now, but I’ll show you… Jus-Just, just please, give me another chance? Whatever you want, I’ll give you the fucking WORLD if I have to just… pl-please… oh god, please… Please don’t leave me… Please don’t…” Tears fell from his eyes and sobs racked his body, he… He really did regret that, but you said nothing… You just let him hold you there, too frightened to move or say anything… But Chase only looked at you, a pleading look in his eyes “...(Y/N)...? I… I can be good, y-you just… Need to trust me again… Th-That’s it… I… Look, if I could have I would have just hidden your friend, that way, you didn’t even have to see that tragedy on the news, besides… Y-You really don’t understand j-just…” He let out a heavy breath as he stroked your hair lovingly “Just how much I love you… Th-They were literally going t-to… to… Take you aw...away from me… I can’t lose you… I had a fucking panic attack in the hospital after I heard all they said… I just…” Your heart twinged at that but… N-No! NO! You… You shouldn’t feel sorry for him, he killed your best friend and then he fucking HIT you! ...T-There was no way you’d feel sorry for him…

Yet… There was something… About it… He seemed so genuine, so genuinely desperate and guilty… It made you feel… Conflicted… Chase then pulled his shirt down a little to expose a bandaged wound “This, is what your friend did to me last night… They stabbed me with a scalpel, t-this wasn’t like… This was b e f o r e I did what I did…” Chase looked as if he were about to say something before he heard the front door open and his kids all scream for their dad, they sounded so worried and both your eyes immediately widened “...(Y/N)... Please… Don’t tell the kids… A-After all… A-Ahh… Haa…” He chuckled dryly before continuing, his tone reeked of panic and desperation as he spoke.

“Y-You wouldn’t wanna upset the kids, yeah? If you tell anyone about what I did, if you expose me… Y-You’ll make these kids lives a living hell… You’ll hurt them, and I’ll be honest (Y/N)... While I love ya, I won’t allow you to hurt my kids… Nobody gets to hurt them… So please, for me, but more importantly… For the kids, please… Stay…” (despite being a yandere Chase does truly care about his kids and he won’t ever let anything bad happen to them or do anything bad to them, he’s still a monster but not THAT kinda monster) You swallowed, hard, your throat felt dry but you nodded at his words, the thought of breaking these kids hearts was too much… You remembered how happy they said you had made their dad, reluctantly you finally spoke “O-Okay Chase… I- I promise, I… I won’t… I won’t tell anybody…” Chase then looked at you quizzically “...Annnd…?” Your eyes widened “A-And I won’t leave you!” You quickly added in fear he’d get angry at you again but then he smiled, just then the kids burst into the room and saw you two there, they noticed the bruise on your cheek and Chelsea was the first to speak up “D-Daddy?! Wha...What happened to (Y/N)!? Who hurt them?” Chase only smiled nervously “U-Um…” You quickly spoke up then, the fear of the kids finding something out too much to bear, the kids didn’t deserve to have their father ripped away from them, they seemed to care so much about him “I had a little accident kiddos but, I-I’m… I’m fine now…!” You sounded strained unfortunately but the kids still seemed to believe that part “A-And yo...your dad… He was just, um… Helping me! Yeah, I’ll be fine, I promise”

Chelsea smiled “Oh…! That’s good then” Trey spoke up next “We just got worried when you weren’t at the bus waiting for us, Greyson almost started crying” And Greyson frowned at that and turned to Trey “D-Did not…!” Trey looked at him and grinned “Did too!” And oh boy, you and Chase both knew where this was going… Chase quickly spoke up “Kids, now, come on… That’s enough, how about you go, wait in the living room and I’ll be right there with you, okay?” The three nodded and went off, you both could still hear Trey and Greyson arguing albeit a bit more quieter, and then you and Chase looked toward each other, you wouldn’t deny, you were definitely still afraid of him, but you had every right to be! ...But you just, you couldn’t hurt those kids like this… and Chase, you could see it in his eyes, he was desperate “...(Y/N)...” He began and you couldn’t help but flinch as his hand reached out which he quickly retracted back “S-Shit, sorry… Sorry… Listen, I know… You really don’t like, believe me and shit right now… But, I...I promise, it’ll get better… I just… When you said you didn’t wanna be with me anymore… It just, it really fuckin’ pissed me off… but, th-that… That’s not an excuse, and I know that…”

Chase paused and looked at your arm, he winced at the bruising he seen there too “F-Fuck… We’re REAL lucky the kids didn’t see that but I-I’ll get to that in a second…. Just, look… (Y/N), I promise I will NEVER hit you again… I don’t want to hurt you, I genuinely don’t… I just… I just wanna be happy together, I want to be with you, and I don’t want you to like, be with me out of fear and shit, I genuinely want you to love me… I’ll... In fact, actually... I’ll prove to you that I’ll NEVER hit you again! And… Listen, y-your friend… I’m… Just, I was just so scared they’d get in our way, scared they’d take you away from them and y-ya know they say f-fear… Fear can make… Can make you do some crazy shit… Y-Ya know…?” You looked at Chase and bit your lip, damn this man… Even after all this bullshit, your heart can’t help but twinge, he sounds so genuinely upset and sorry… Your head was a mess of emotions and thoughts, it honestly made your head hurt…

You felt an overwhelming sense of exhaustion even, then Chase looked into your eyes “B-Babe…? Pl-please… Please talk to me…?” You sighed and there was a brief moment of silence before you spoke up “A-Alright Chase… I...I’ll stay… I… I won’t… I won’t leave you…” You shouldn’t be saying that, you shouldn’t but really, what would happen if you said no again, what would happen if you had denied him and told him you wouldn’t stay here? ...The thought of that made you shudder, you weren’t… Secretly, deep down, no, you weren’t… You were NOT doing this because you felt sorry for him, you didn’t feel any pity for him, you were doing this for his kids… You were doing this to protect the kids, and… It’d break their hearts to see their father so unhappy, just… You could get through this, yeah… I- Maybe… Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, you flinched as Chase started bandaging your arm up next “T-Thank you… Thank you so much (Y/N)... I promise… I’ll make it up to you…” And then he smiled and gently took a hold of your face, his hands were definitely shaking as he touched you and then he gave you a gentle kiss “...I promise… We’ll all be one big happy family… You and me, together f o r e v e r… And of course don’t forget the kiddos… We’ll all be happy, okay?” You nodded at his words and he seemed ecstatic “Love ya babe… I really do” You glanced at Chase, together with him forever… Christ, this… What the hell had you gotten yourself into? You did regret not listening to your friend when you had the chance but it was too late now, it was f a r too late to turn back “...I..I… Lov… Love...you too…” That made you want to retch but Chase seemed so fucking happy.

...This truly was going to be hell, your hell, and honestly, you didn’t see any ways out of it, you were trapped in a bad situation, between a rock and a hard place, you were going to be stuck here, with him, forever… If there were ever a next time, you would definitely listen to your friend instead…

(An Average Day in Hell? More like an Average Eternity in Hell amirite? Lmao anyway this shit is long and honestly I never intended it to be- And I know y’all probs wanna finish this and be done with it already so lemme clarify a few things here, 1: I completely forgot how I was supposedly going to like end this thing, I forgot a few plot points and I just went in the direction my brain told me too and now we got this. 2: In the Yandere AU I have here technically speaking, these are NOT his canonical kids names, I ripped some of these from a wikipedia page I saw, the only canon name I MIGHT keep for one of his kids is Greyson bc that’s fitting, I just needed some names for the story, im sure y’all understand.

3: Im not gonna defend Chase, but I will say, he can be… Well, hm, how should I put this… I mean sometimes im sure he can do it intentionally, but half the time his manipulative tones and the shit he says is by sheer accident, and him hitting the reader? Well, I can absolutely say this would be the only time EVER Chase did that, he genuinely means it when he says he doesn’t want to hurt ya, but you see… Rage in the wrong hands, in a person’s hands who’s heard those exact same words from a certain… OTHER person can definitely be a potent and fatal combination… Aside from that shit tho.

He genuinely just like, wants you to be happy, he wants to be with you because he really does love ya ….but, the shit he can do can make loving him a bit… Difficult to say the VERY least.

Anywho I feel like that’s enough explaining how this process went, just one more thing and I promise it’s the last thing then you can go do what’cha wanna do n shit yeah? There was going to be an alt ending but I’ve got too many other stories to do already so I present you with the alt ending summarized p much

1: Chase successfully hides the body, now on this path you probs would still find out on the news or some form of device that your friend is missing but, it’s like a 1 in one million chance you’d find out Chase did it so bam, happily ever. Alright, im done)

#jacksepticeye #jse community revival #jse community #yandere chase #chase brody #reader insert #tw yandere #tw blood #tw death #tw mentions of car crash #tw abuse #tw manipulation #both unintentional and intentional TECHNICALLY speaking #i dont really know if im really proud of this or not yet- its- not what I EXACTLY wanted but its here now #long post #long story warning #long story #just adding those tags just in case

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