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angelwolf985 · 2 months

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finished watching supernatural s1-15 in 3 months! here are my opinions on the finale!

(warning: probably unintelligible, and very ranty) (+ obvious spoiler warning)

episode 18 was fuckin emaculate. genuinly. it was amazing. the one thing i didnt like about it was how it jumped about, same with 19.( i dont blame them for it tho, it makes sense with the story, i just didnt really love it.) 19 was good for the most part and served as a decent ending but was missing castiel and eileen (mention + presence) which sucked but what can you expect yk,,

episode 20. i have. so many issues with episode 20. WHY DID THEY EVEN????? LIKE TWO MENTIONS OF CAS, NO MENTION OF EILEEN, DEAN FUCKING DIEING, SAMS WIG, ???HEAVEN BEING LACKLUSTER???? it was so. just disappointing. cuz it could've been great. the end part of 20 was the only good part (jared and jensen signing off of the show). the show should've ended on 19 tbh. thats how im seeing it anyway. in my mind thats where it ended, but like, with cas and eileen back.

what i really disliked:

deans death. im pretty sure everyone hated that. and the whole like thing of him dying was really,, sorta,, weird? like; why did it go on so long?? did it happen bc he doesnt have god given plot armor anymore or was it just cuz?did jack see it? how did he feel about it? did he care or did he be all omniscient because he became god?? how did he survive that long? logistically? there was a fucking rusty rebar thing IN HIS SPINE (or like RIGHT NEXT TO IT??). WOULD THAT NOT?? PARALYZE?? OR WORSE???. and, im sorry, but i hated the forehead touch. it felt weird man. i get that they were close but,, not that close? even when they were more unhealthily codependent they wouldn't have done that. i think so anyway. i dunno. also. DEAN HAS SHOWN MULTIPLE TIMES AND IM SURE THE WRITERS WERE OVERTLY AWARE THAT DEAN DID NOT WANT TO DIE ON THE JOB. HE WANTED TO RETIRE WITH SAM AND CAS. ALWAYS WANTED THAT. he often said shit like "we're gonna die on the job, draw the short stick, thats just how it is, how its gonna end for us." (mixing quotes from the top of my head so, not exact) which he clearly thought would happen because pessimism but he NEVER wanted that. for HIMSELF or SAM. dean dying in this episode IS A CRITICAL DISSERVICE TO HIS CHARACTER.

sams mystery wife and (non mystery) child. BLURRY FACE WIFE. WHY IS SHE. WHY. also- how did he recover (seemingly) so quickly? i mean- if he really believed dean was gone FOREVER. when death hasnt meant forever in forever, how would he be so okay? idk. also, idk why, but sam having a kid seems very bizzare. could just be me. also. where tf is eileen. is she the blurry face wife? why would they do that if yes? (could be a load or reasons, either way they couldve like, said it was eileen, if it was supposed to,, idk,,,)

one or two mentions of castiel. did the writers just forget his CHARACTER IMPORTANCE?!?!? HES SO IMPORTANT TO THE STORY??? HE GRIPPED DEAN TIGHT AND RAISED HIM FROM PERDITION. HE LOVED DEAN. DEAN (INARGUABLY) LOVED HIM BACK. he (castiel) deserved SO. much better. my friend who has watched spn since she was a baby AGREES WITH ME. i GRRR I GRR I GRRR!!!! cas not being in this episode is such an aggravating disservice to his character. he deserved more. the fans deserved more.

alright im done ranting now. may add more on later. im gonna go rewatch the show and read fix it fics.

#spn #supernatural #spn ending #supernatural ending #spn s15 #spn rant #.txtpost #should i tag as destiel #......#destiel

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alex-farrington · 2 years

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Could I request an angst, comfort & fluff fic for Dean & a Female Reader (who's also a hunter) where one day after a hunt she just disappears. Mainly because she's been silently suffering & dealing with mental health issues & it just got to the point where she had to get away from everything or else she was gunna go over the edge. But then a few years later she runs into him again & is finally able to tell him why she left & they end up confessing feelings for each other.

Im so sorry i dont feel comfortable writing for a romantic relationship with dean, but i can a platonic version where there bestfriends.

Tw, sh, deppression, anxiety

You just got back to the bunker with sam and dean after a particularly rough hunt, it was a den of werewolves and there were supposed to be only 3 or 4 there ended up being 7. You were the one that was supposed to do a scout at the beginning and count you were the one that messep up, it was all your fault.

" y.n, what was that? You said you counted and saw 3 there were like 7 werewolves i there?" " im sorry, i didnt see the, i saw only 3 i swear" you say in reply to dean. You look away, apollogizing over and over trying to explaim that they werent there or younjust genuinly didnt see them. But no matter how hard you tried he kept saying it was your fault.

You layed on your bed staring at the ceilling thoughts swirling in your head, it was all your fault, you were so stupid, why did it have to be like this.

Your shoulder ached at the still open wound refusing to clean it you settled for picking the splinters out, you felt relaxed at the pain.

You got up and slowly moved to the bathroom and opened the drawrer, the razor glinting in the yellow light dry blood still on it from last time.

You pick it up and sit on the side of the tub begining to slice into your tender flesh

1- they got hurt because of you

2- you made a stupid mistake

3- stupid bitch

4- why cant i just get anything right?

You stared at your arm caughht in a daze, untill a knock was heard at your door, your head snapped to the source of the sound " j-just a second im busy" "ok" replied the oldest winchester from the other side of the door.

You scrammbeled to pull a sweater over your body and hide the razor, wiping the blood with a towel then shoving it under the sink cabinnet.

You run out of the bathroom to open the door" hi" " hey, im sorry for snapping at you earlier i was just angry cause sammy almost got hurt i didnt even bother to ask if your shoulder was ok , i know it wasnt your fault and they probably werent in the den. " you stood there shocked by his speech, " thanks, my shoulders fine cleaned it and all, i think im just gonna get some shut eye." He bid you goodnight and left you in your room.

Guilt eating you alive for lieing to him, you cant do this anymore you need to leave. You rush and paxk asuitcase and backpack, grab some fakes ids and a few credit cards. Sneaking out into the quiet hallways of the bunker going to the garage and taking the keys to your car.

You put your stuff in the back and sit in the front seat having an internal sturggle to decide wethere or not you should leave. Yes. No . Yes no. YES, you start the car pulling out of the garage ready to leave this life in the rearview mirror.

3 year time skip.

You have a job working in a dinner a small one bedroom apartment you live a semi normal life untill one day the faces you never thought yous see again strolled into the door, you quickly headed out the back hoping they didnt see you, and ran to your car inly to find the brothers waiting there.

" where have you been y.n : says dean running over to you wrapping his arms around you pulli g you into a hug so tight you might die, pour choice of words i know. Y" i- i im so sorry i just couldnt anymore, i was trying so hard and i couldt stop." You say bursting into tears.

After a long conversation explaining what was going on and a heartfelt apology from dean and his younger brother, you decide to go back with them.

You arrive at the bunker, a place you never thoguth youd see again the femmiliar scene sending a wac0ve of nostalgia through you grateful that you had the time to work on yourself and now you can continue doing what you love

Saving people

Hunting things

The family buisness

~♡ Alex

#supernatural #Platonic dean #Dean #dean winchester #Spn #castiel #platonic #angst #Fluff #sam winchester #spn fic

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malus-thoughts · 1 year

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17 and staying alive

[trigger warning: suicidal thoughts and self harm] these are my last hours of being 17, or my last hours as a kid.

except, i will not change in the next two hours. the way i am suddenly percieved by society will change tho. i can drive alone, i can buy alcohol, i can sign leases and sign my own work contracts.

17 is my favourite number, it’s been for a few years now. i like the way it looks, i like that it’s a prime number. somewhere in the back of my mind i had this idea that because it was my favourite number, it would be a good year, you know?

in reality, 2022, which basically was me being 17 (because i was born at the end of december) was one of if not the worst year of my life. so dark, that i was not sure if i would be alive now. “i do not want to die, but I [really can] not imagine myself being alive in a year and having turned 18.”, i wrote that on the 3rd of january this year. and it wasn’t something i just said, i was scared for my life.

i finished school with a really good grade and started going to an outpatient clinic directly after my written exams, doing the oral one while i was a patient there. i was there for five months, two more than they usually do. i struggled to adapt and didn’t really talk to anyone for the first 3 months. i discovered that i have some traumatic experiences i still have to work through. at the end of my fourth month i met an awesome friend, she was the reason i was able to open up. we just get each other.

she is 6 month older than me and has already turned 18. today we talked about how turning 18 feels weird when you are suicidal and she sent me a screenshot of something she said the night before she turned 18. “i feel like i’m not supposed to turn 18, like i was meant to be one of the ones that didn’t make it.” i know that she gets how i feel, because this puts what i feel into words so well.

the first month after i left the clinic i felt good, for my standards. i didn’t feel great but it was the first time in at least 12 months that i didn’t feel like shit all of the time. the highlight being a cavetown concert i went to with the person i met at the clinic. i was genuinly happy. then it all went downwards and has been getting darker and darker lately, the thoughts getting louder and louder.

while 17 wasn’t the age i first stared having suicidal thoughts, it was the age i first had the idea that i could put these thoughts into action (i feel like the term suicidal ideation works really well here). it was the year i experience my first crisis, and the year i first spoke about it, to friends and medical professionals, which helps.

this year i realised that i am not cisgender, i came out to some friends and i got a binder. i even changed my hair to be more affirming and i am really in love with my (currently) blue hair and haircut. while i don’t love to be trans*, i am working toward feeling more at home in my body.

positvely, i am now 10 months self harm free.

thinking about it, i am glad i can let go of 17, while it doesn’t seem time yet. i still feel like a child. 17 feels right, i feel 17. but considering how this year went, the next year has a big chance of improving.

in an hour the number after “age:” will have changed, but i won’t have. it doesn’t mean i have to grow up right now, it just means that i get more priveleges. i dont believe a lot of the things i just wrote in this last paragraph, but they are new thoughts, i didn’t have myself before, maybe it is something to look forward too. this too shall pass.

#mental health #depression #anxiety #therapy #personal blog #birthday #growing up #age #staying alive

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loverboybitch · 2 years

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posting because getting out of bed is so so hard.//.

#.//.#imjustsittinghere #genuinly waking up at 5pm and being like no i cannot do this #i think a funny little thing ive been doing for so many years is being like oh ya i dont have an eating disorder i just have disordered eati #ng #FUCKNIG DOINK those r the same thing wym #anyway #anyway vent post >: )#but fr its wild how getting sick just like almost kills me lol #im ok now i slogged my lil body out to the grocery store and just bought like 4 boxes of granola bars and a ton of fruit and bread and penut #butter #so ill be fine cause i can at least eat some calories and not die #but fr like when i walk around rn i have no balance and if i turn to fast i almost fall over lol #muscles be like = atrophied #n boy i can tell u there r i am familar with the feeling #ive always just been like yeah but i dont hate my body i dont have an eating disorder #like ok true but u also have the body of a person with a eating disorder so #anyway ill be done now but do u think when i go to get a referall for an allergy test they can give me a psych referall too lol #would be kinda neat cause tbh im not super convinced that hives thing was an allergy lol #love to my aunt for when i was asking her if i should go get an allergy thing she was like yeah unless u think its stress #and i said aahhhh naaaaaaaah in a very uunsure tone i think #and she went ok well definetly go get an allergy test and if u need to talk to a doc about.....anything else......(ominously)#ull be there so u can do tthat to #thank u <3 #will maybe #anyway all this to say im so tiredf n i cant really think and moving sucks im so tired i wish someone would tie my limbs to strings and move #me around like a marionette doll #or simply im going 2 lay in bed forever whichever happens first #but this time with snacks #so i dont die

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littlx-songbxrd · 3 years

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Chain of Iron:Death theory

As the awaited release date for Chain of Iron approaches and the fandom decends into pure madness, I want to put in my last two cents of overthinking before I stop having coherent thoughts

So we all know this is a second book, and second books bring the absolute pain in the shadowhunter chronicles. There is likely going to be a death from the mains considering the theme of this book, and I am here to throw my theory and reasons as to who I think it might be. Im here to sadly theorize about why I think Christopher Lightwood might not make it past the last hours

1. Tatianas revenge

Right now, Tatiana wants revenge after all our main families: the carstairs, herondales, fairchilds and both branches of the lightwoods. For the lightwood-collins theres barbaras death. For the herondales her daughter has been manipulating their son for over 6 years. Theres a theory that the fairy poison Mathew bought that caused Charlottes misscarriage could be traced back to her. And there are other theories that Elias dissaperance between chog and choi could have something to do with Belial. As of right now the only family who is yet to recieve any permanent damage or tragedy are the lightwood-herondales. Which is really ironic considering its the only family that has two bloodlines Tatiana wants to harm. Not only that, but theyre also the children of who Tatiana blames directly for her fathers death, Gabriel. It seems fishy to me there hasn't been any permanent damage in their family, and I dont think that is gonna last for long

2. The family tree

The family tree states that Grace Cartwright (Aka Grace Blackthorn) marries Christopher Lightwood and theyre the ones who continue the line that leads to Alec and Isabelle. Now Cassandra has said varius times the family tree can be misleading, and I am a firm believer this is one of the misleading ends. Why this lie was created, I'm not sure, but lets analize some things. As of right now there are 5 lightwood children. At least 3 of them can pass down the lightwood name. Of those three, if we take into account that Thomas may not have kids due to being gay, that still leaves two branches of lightwood kids that may continue on. As of present time we only have word of one line, Alec and Isabelles. And Robert isnt said to have any cousins, theres no mention in the future of another lightwood line. So the idea that both Alexander and Christopher have kids is pretty unbelivable considering theres only one lightwood line in the future. Unless Alexander goes on to have only girls and Christopher has only one boy, it seems more likely the family tree is wrong. Isabelle and Alec are confirmed as of the bane chronicles to be decendants of Gabriel lightwood (Isabelle makes a reference to looking up her great great grandfather Gabriel Lightwood and telling magnus he was hot in the last story of the book)

So its already confirmed they're a) the last decendants of the lightwood line and b) that line stems from Gabriel. If we based ourselves solely on the family tree and Christopher being the one carrying the line, that would have been believable enough not to raise any red flags. Christopher IS the son of Grabriel Lightwood, able bodied and seems to have a general attraction to women (I mean, we all know hes aro/ace but lets stick with canon). There isnt anything pointing to him not being able to marry and have kids. Where the red flags raise for me is with Alexander

Alexander wasnt in the original plans for the family tree, he was added when Cassie started writting the last hours. If you take into account his role in chog, there really was no reason to add Alexander Lightwood. He doesnt seem to do anything, hes a 3 year old kid, you can very well delete him from the narrative and nothing would change. So why did Cassandra add him?? Why did she decide to make Cecily and Gabriel have another kid ?

To me, it seems a lot like the baby carstairs situation . The family tree says Alastair carries the carstairs line, Alastair is a gay man so he cant have biological kids, theres another unplaned baby to carry the line. It seems to me Christopher carrying the lightwood line is a lie, and Alexanders role is to carry it in his place. I even found a little info from an ask wayy before chain of gold came out where it said Alexander had green eyes, but in the book she changed it to blue eyes. The exact same shade the modern day lightwoods seem to have. A trait hes more likely to pass down than his lavender eyed brother who supposedly "marries" grey eyed grace

3. Character Arc

Characters in literature need goals, things to work for or work towards through the story in order for them to develop. We call those things character arcs, and it seems we have all ignored how christophers may have indirectly ended. If you read his short story, or just overall analize his character, his main goal is simple. He wants to create something that will help the nephlim through science. His personal character arc is that he wants to prove himself and his skill to the clave using his passion to be a hero.

An arc that could have been expanded all through the series, and ended with him using his skills in the end to defeat belial in some way, proving his passions worth. Through the story we could have had a glimpse at his struggles, how he was put down, the failed attempts, fustrations etc. This all could have rounded christopher as a character, and brought more satisfaction to the end goal of his arc which is proving the value of his science. But instead, his arc in book seemingly already ended? Because he did it, he figured out a way to combine science with his duty and saved the entire enclave from the demon poison. He is now acclaimed a hero for his skills. All the other characters have things to finish going into chain of iron, Christopher doesnt. Why would she end an arc that could have taken through the entire series in just one book? Christopher is the only secondary character with a defined personality and a lack of arc to look foward too in following books. This could all point that his arc was rushed because it was being cut short

4. Lightwood blood

There has been a lot of theories going around about Thomas being the one who gets killed in this book, which is resonable considering the unerving amount of forehsadowing we've had to him getting himself caught up in something. But I raise you this, why would CC be giving us so much assurance that Thomas was going to get hurt if she was going to kill him? Not only would she be reaveling one of her most devastating murders, she would basically be spoiling a very big part of her own book. Thomas death would affect everyone, if she WERE to kill him she wouldnt be indulging us in our Thomas death theory as much as she has. Itd be too expectable, I actually believe that by giving us all the info she has she has more or less confirmed he wont die.

I believe this is all a decoy. Shes giving us foreshadowing towards something bad happening to Thomas, to cover up the very big reality shes planning to kill someone else. Theres a very big chance that for the resurection, theyre gonna need Jesses families blood. Same way Malcom needed blackthorn blood to raise Annabel. As of rightnow there arent any blackthorns (by blood) left alive, the only blood relatives Jesse still had are the lightwoods. So we already know Thomas gets captured by the murderer (referenece to the art), but it is most likely he gets rescued. People speculate he most likely got captured for the resurection Tatianas trying to do, because of his lightwood blood. But if Thomas escapes, Tatiana still needs her families blood. And I'd like to point out this is also where the fact she hasnt taken permanent revenge on the lightwood-herondales would come in. Theres a good chance that if the murders are releated to her, and she cant have Thomas, she wont stop at just Thomas.

5. Story relevance

In all sense of story, Christopher is the perfect candidate to kill. As hard as that is to say: he's a secondary character, who has a well defined personality, loved enough by the fans that there would certainly be a shock factor following his death, important enough to the story that there would be a big impact to the narrative, and interwined enough with the main characters to cause emotional distress in the story. His arc is indirectly done, this author has a history of killing lightwoods, there isnt much to discourage the possibility he might be killed besides the faulty family tree. And as I said, that tree has been stated multiple times to be misleading

Bonus prove

6. Christophers cut-out

Same way were analizing the hell out of a broken spear, why are we not talking about the skull on christophers?

(Sorry couldnt get better quality pics)

The truth is, I hate this theory as much as everyone, Im genuinly hoping chain of iron proves me wrong. But there are 5 deaths comming, and not all of them can be side characters. Cordelia Lucie and James all have main character protection. I already explained why Thomas dying is unlikely. Anna, Ariadne and Alastair have gay protection (and I think some asks about Alastair dying were pretty much answered with a discreet no)

If there are mains dying, Christophers the most likely to go

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lulubs071 · 4 years

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diary of a confused teenager

Tuesday, October 13th- 11:18

oKAY so here’s whats new. spring break started. CAN I GET AN AMEN? also the boy I like finally texted me back and we called like for 3 days in a row for an hour or so :))))) happy about that.

some other news. a friend of mine invited me to spend the rest of sring break with her on the beach, thursday through sunday, but my mom said i can only go if I finish my homework/projects due after spring break. IN TWO DAYS. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. okay imma get this shit done because 4 days on the beach are way cooler than procrastinating at home.also some girls that I didn’t talk in a while invited me to go out friday which i said i would buuuuuuuuuuttt i meaaaaaaaaan oops.

also side note, this is all wearing masks, we all been social distancing properly, tested for covid, washing hands, i havent left the house in 4 months, so spring break is when my parents are letting me go out.

another boy i’ve been talking to since the beggining of quarantine invited me to sneak out like ... in November since his parents won’t be home the whole week. I can go “sleepover” at my bestfriends and go to his house. BUT IDK. like, there’s many cons.

1- it’s probably, most definetly a booty call

2- if my parents discover, IM GONNA BE KILLED

3- i like that other boy ......

but.... counterarguments

1- you’d enjoy the booty call anyways common

2- if my parents don’t discover, IT’S GONNA BE EPIC SNEAKIN OUT

3- YOU HAVE NO IDEA OF WHAT YOU’RE FEELING.

So yeah, but if the universe favors this event (since it’s like next month) I might go hehe. This is crazy, imagine if it actually works out. bruh it`s so weird to think about because ... I don`t know my life seems to be shifting so much this last month????? i started to manifest things and raise my vibration and stuff has been falling into place???/ so unexpectedly???? i feel like the univere is giving me a second chance to this year. but i have to be willing to make a sacrifice.

i might sound crazy but inside me I feel as if that if I put effort into school and have a good rel\tionship with my parents and take care of my mental health, things will just start falling into place the way I desire. which is amazing, but also hard since i really usually don’t give a fuck about school. but YA KNOW WHAT IMMA GET MY SHIT TOGETHER AND FINISH THIS ALL BEFORE SO I GET TO GO TO THE BEACH, GET MY CUTE MANS.

also my ex texted me today???? mmmmmmm ._. tf is this bout now. i think we just grew comfortabe talking to each other because there’s no fucking way he still genuinly cares/likes talking to me. every talk is kinda dry and the same?????? like common. oh well.

i went out for a walk saturday and burnt myself with my gym top, it’s like red all over lmaooooooo. i really want to start a podcast????? like my brother has his videogame headset THAT HAS A GOODASS MIC??? I COULD GENUINLY RECORD AN HOUR LONG EPISODE TALKING??? cuz i manage to talk bout anything for as long as fucking possible, i’d just need a day home alone to be able to talk for that long with his headset lmaooooo. i don’t really know how to upload it to anywhere, but soundcloud is chill, i’d just have to rip a rock out my ass to learn how to put it on spotify. BUT IT’S OKAY, i wanna try it anyways.

my mom said she’d beat my ass if I reactivated my twitter again because im not alloweeeeddddd but likeeeeeeeeeeee commON i don’t wanna loose the account, which will happen in 3 days if i dont reactivate. ya know im thinking about just reactivating and deactivating each month so i don’t loose it LMAOO.cuz like, all my friends are there and i love talking shit. like, its just not the same on tumblr or my spam instagram.i mean im sure that if i tried it would be cool but twitter was my shit bruh.

i hate that the more i write the dumber I fucking sound since these are paragraph long run on sentences and i deeply apoligize, my english teacher would die inside if she read this but honestly it’s just a brain dump. I swear that in real life I dont’t constantly talk about men and failing school and being irresponsible. but also i don’t think anyone really reads this. if you’re still reading write “flying cucumber”.

POLICE MEN SWEAR TO GOD LOVE SWEEPING FROM THE GUNSSSSSSSS I KNOW MY FRIENDS AND IIIIIII TUTUTUTU TO RUN AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

yeah thats it for today my fellow people, imma go finish some homework after watching 15 Corpse husband gameplays ON GOD THAT MANS VOICE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MARRY ME PLEASE, I’D PAY.

byebyeeeeee

#corpse husband #among us #diary #witing #writer #writeblr #brain dumb #dumb brain things #brain dump #stream of consciousness #hashtag #how are yall creative with tags #yeah #mwah

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thelittlehansy · 4 years

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Love is an open door is not lie ?🤨😁

After they met in the Movie.....

Kid book version...where it say hans is smitten by the princess

Books...

In a frozen heart hans find anna adorable and did have a great time at the coronation party after he say that at the end of the book

Even forest of shadow anna dont call him a liar 😂

Even video games 😁

Hyperion show : 😄

I dont have the image but in one of the representation anna take by surprise hans and hug him. He is surprise and genuinly return the affection it was beautiful 😢😁 like you can see on the actor face that his character is warm by such a thing that he dont have at home.

Now thinking about it

Once upon a time : even in ouat hans get jealous ans say "this is the man she is gonna marry" and have the need to say that "he never try to kill her but left her to die"🤣

Well all of this doesnt make things any better 😂 on the contrary !

But that means that love is an open door is really a song about two young people having a crush on each other and that hans even if he was interest in anna statue 😁 didnt had at all to manipulate her and genuinely like her.

#hansanna #hanna #hans x anna #anna x hans #anna and hans #prince hans #hans #hans westergraad #love is an open door #princess anna #frozen

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wellijustfinnihedoneofthebooks · 4 years

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Dumb things kids I've known have done that i find unreasonably funny

Time to explain the fuckery.

1. Bucket hat kid. So you know it was the dc trip in eighth grade and this one kid gets 3 bucket hats and 2 visors, so of course he decides to wear them all at the same time, now of course this is funny but here's the part I find even funnier when we were going back onto the bus me and my friend overheard his friend ranting, "Why do all of you keep getting bucket hats!?! Why!?! You all look the exact same! [He said bucket hat kid's name here but Im not gonna say his name] speant all of MY money on bucket hats! I hate bucket hats!" Which made me and my friend fucking die cause like bruh why did you give him money? Like dude you could've just not given him money to buy bucket hats with? Anyways time for more stories about bucket hat kid, to start off a personal favorite of mine, at like the cruise thing at dc he did a backflip to start the night. Like an absolute mad man he did a backflip (later the dj told everyone no flipping allowed. Buzzkill.). In like 6th grade when they announced who got perfect attendance he got it but was absent that day. He's really good at blackjack. One time him and another kid got in an argument and the other kid at one point just goes "well you dont have earlobes!", he has really small ears, and then he very angrilly responded with "i do! They're just little!" I found it very entertaining to watch from 2 seats away.

2. Double racket kid. Basically just once durring gym everyone was doing badminton and this one kid is just using 2 rackets and doing like the best in the class and then the minute he has to put down a racket he did really poorly. He's also my rival so I gotta include him, in all the classes we share we have a contest on which one of us can answer first, it is really intense in history. Were usually both unofficial team leaders in class debates and will just try our best to destroy eachother. And we cant work together cause then it's unfair for everyone else.

3. Salt bae. So one time for spirit week we had character day where you dress up as whoever you want and this absolute icon dresses up as salt bae and carries around a morton thing of salt all day. She's also a genuinly helarious person. And she was my only friend in 3rd grade and like it's impressive to be able to tolerate 3rd grade me, we bonded over anime at the lunch table :)

4. Virginity rocks. Time to go into the blondest person I've ever met, like no exadurating his hair is that shade of yellow, but so he sometimes just wears a hoodie that says "virginity rocks" on it, and according to my friend he also has a virginity rocks t-shirt, so there's a chance he has a virginity rocks shirt under his virginity rocks hoodie, and his phone background is virginity rocks and his Instagram profile picture. It's nice to see consistency in a person. But time for the real funny thing about him, the way he plays sports in gym. For instance once durring the pre-mentioned badminton game he placed his racket on the ground and tried to hit it with his hand, he also tried hitting it with his foot, but the main thing he does is try to hit stuff as high and hard as he can, like whenever there was free gym him and his friend would play hockey, and he would just try to launch the puck into the wall above the goal as much as possible, at one point he flung a waterbattle into the bleachers with his hockey stick while me and my friend were near the bleachers and he got extremely excited about it and braged to anyone in the near vicinity (honestly same bro) which me and my friend were the first he bragged about it to. I don't think I've ever seen anyone more excited than he was after hitting a water bottle into the bleachers. He also often would try to play hockey with basketballs. Or one time his friend left the hockey game to go play soccer so he went tok annoy him back into hockey by trying to play the soccer game with a hockey stick. Very entertaining person 10/10.

5. "Aren't eggs stored in the balls?" A quote from the magical time of eighth grade when a girl said this durring health. From the same girl that said "what's hygiene?" We got "aren't eggs stored in the balls?" To which the entire class died. Cause my god how did you get this far. 10/10 helarious but doesn't know it.

6. Tutu. So it was some like pink day thing so of course this dude comes in the outfit he wears everyday and a pink tutu. Okay but time to get into the real shit, so once durring spanish in one of the few moments of quiet this kid leans over to his friend and asks "could a dog have sex with a human?" Now he was clearly trying to whisper but he clearly can't physically whisper (same bro) and so the entire class lost it. As anyone would in that situation. Another time so a teacher put on finding nemo and he just started reciting along with it, like perfectly, at the end of that class he looked at me and said "I don't even like this movie." Legend. One time at the end of the year in sciemce sense we didn't have much to do the teacher layed out some stem kits things (similar to legos but not quite) and we got into groups of 4 and were supposed to make cars with the instructions provided, me and him were in the same group. For the first half of the class me and him just sorted out the parts while the other 2 actually made model cars and stuff but then we started messing with wheels and we made our own car completely without the instructions and barely staying together. The other 2 made 2 cars that worked perfectly and we made 1 car that only rolled if you pushed it (you were supposed to put in a rubber band to launch it. We didnt cause that seemed hard.) and might fall apart at that. But for 2 minutes we had a lovely (lovely to us at least) car that we then had to dismantle. It was fun. Then so one time when school was over I was walking down the stairs to leave, they were fairly empty for once and then suddenly a backpack flies over the edge and lands infront of me, I turn around to see this kid sliding down the railing which he then picks up his backpack and runs out. He's also one of the most charismatic and easy to talk to people I've ever met and that's not an exaduration. Like he can talk to litterily anyone.

That's not all the dumb shit I've seen at school but those are some big funny ones.

#do you like that i wrote a lot more for some people #my art #dumb shit #long post #stories #art #but like the fuck how can you physically be that blond? bruh #this took so long

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violentviolette · 5 years

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I genuinly wanted to know what you would feel. I know i cant compare myself to others and especially not this way. And yes, I don’t care about your feelings. I asked because I had a dream about someone close to me falling of a building (I lack empathy) and I was a bit sad about it. That’s why I asked. Wanted to know if it was really not that deep

thank u for explaining and providing context anon. honestly messages like ur other ones tend to be very off putting to me because I get a lot of bad faith messages, most of which I dont actually publish, from people looking to use my answers for some kind of agenda. or asking questions to try and "prove" that ppl with apsd/npd are actually incapable of things like love or healthy relationships. i used to get so many ppl telling me that i was abusing my wife simply by being with her and that ppl "like me" shouldn't be in relationships because we cant feel love. so when there's no context provided I get very suspicious. next time lead with why ur asking especially if it's something really personal and I can guarantee ull get better responses

but anyway, on to ur question. if it was my mother I would be very upset. I'm close with my mom despite her abuse and I care for her deeply. when she dies I will be devastated and honestly I dont handle grief well at all and so most likely I'll just shut down for a while. if it was a more distant relative like my grandparents or uncles, cousins, ect. then I wouldn't feel anything. maybe some momentary shock and surprise and an "oh shit" moment but after that it would be back to the normal grind. except maybe with my dad. if he died in that kind of accidental way I actually dont think I'd be able to stop myself from uncontrollably laughing. I might spit on his corpse if no one else is around. but that's about it.

either way, I would say ur dreams are not that deep. caring for other people doesnt have to be rooted in empathy. I care about my mom or my wife because I have deemed them important to me for one reason or another and now that they are "mine" I dont ever want them to leave. my life without them would be deeply upsetting because I have grown so comfortable with them in it and they each serve a unique purpose so I cant just replace them like I can friends for example. I personally have frequent nightmares where people I love or care about die and they're always very deeply upsetting to me. but I also dont have nearly as stunted of an emotional affect as a lot of other antisocials since I also have bipolar disorder, so the emotions I do feel I feel very overwhelmingly.

but that's obviously unique to me so ur milage may vary on that. but overall I'd say it's really not that deep. we can love and care for people and be sad when they die because none of those feelings are rooted in empathy. the difference for most antisocials is the number of people we care about, and how intensely we do or dont feel those other emotions. so I wouldnt let it worry u too much with regards to ur lack of empathy, being sad in that situation doesnt mean ur invalid or faking.

#jack.speaks #anon

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mugirmu · 4 years

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Dahlia for the oc thing

Congrats, you picked my current character! Kora is from an old campaign, while I haven't been able to use Oura and Kythera yet lol

Full Name: Yvette, Dahlia is an alias

Gender and Sexuality: trans woman, aroace

Pronouns: she/her

Ethnicity/Species: Half-elf

Birthplace and Birthdate: The Silverleaf Conclave at the edge of the Forgotten Forest, (the equivalent of) January 12th, 48 years before the campaign takes place

Guilty Pleasures: cuddling, lol. she thinks it's unprofessional and is lowkey touchstarved

Phobias: being forgotten/having no effect on the world, and honestly, same babe

What They Would Be Famous For: revolutionizing how we interact with religion and our deities, namely shifting from worship from a catholic perspective and more like your god is your best friend, which is what she was raised to think, but the rest of the world doesnt agree

What They Would Get Arrested For: "Disturbing the peace" for being a half-elf magic user of an unknown deity outside of half-elf conclaves (long story. basically, theres a shit ton of worldbuilding, magic is rare, elves fucked off the material plane thousands of years earlier, half-elves rarely if ever leave their secluded conclaves). Other than that, the only times she would commit a crime is to protect her dumb party svsjhs

OC You Ship Them With: None, but I really wanted her to become friends with this npc named Lady Torasi Tidelle, but we think she died?? agsjdvs

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Oura, if only because she'd get so annoyed by Dahlia's motherly tendencies that she's just blast her off the ship they probably met on. oura is........ feral

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: A secret sucker for romance novels; it fascinated her even though she doesn't care for it when it's targeted toward herself

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: i dont think she would have one of these

Talents and/or Powers: Life Cleric, so all of that lol. Very buff and utility-heavy. Has some innate spellcasting, and knows way too many languages lmao

Why Someone Might Love Them: Caring, honest, diligent, selfless

Why Someone Might Hate Them: Overbearing, nosy, "why are you telling me this, i literally just met you", indecisive

How They Change: While she is honest about most things, she has reasons to hide other parts of herself, most notably her race and reason for leaving her half-elf conclave (worldbuilding stuff), and she changes by opening up to her party so that there is trust on all sides. She also has a habit of looking down on those around her in a way, because how she was raised led her to believe most people need to be guided back to their purpose in life. She will eventually get over that, and see the people around her more as equals and less lost children.

Why You Love Them: She is so sweet! She's secretly a judgemental bitch! But we love her for that! She genuinly cares for these dumbasses she ran into and would literally die for them after like 2 weeks. She's got a job to do, but it can wait. I latched onto her emotionally because i'm proud of her backstory that i made, and i relate to some of her struggles and flaws. she is baby. my favorite oc, may i say

thank you for sending this in! i feel more connected to her now

#dahlia oc #dnd #cleric #halfelf #asks #mollymaukstealeafs

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starryicetea · 5 years

Photo

Another pair of OCs from a RP with https://spacedorked.tumblr.com/ those are for a Invader Zim RP if youre not familiar with the show, those two are Irkens, a alien race in the show now I wrote a whole a bunch about their backtory at the post of this pic in Deviantart https://www.deviantart.com/o-starryicetea-o/art/Irken-twins-797430242 and Im not going to repeat it all rufuu so here is copy and paste if youre interested in their backstory ,,So we started this RP with a Irken named Pom kicked out and stranding on earth where we meets a human teen named Tom, they both made a agreement that Pom wouldnt try anything bad (for those who dont know Invader Zim the Irkens are a alien species that made it their goal to conquer and colonize the galaxy and the plot of the show is basically the main character who is Irken named Zim trying to invade the earth) and Tom would help Pom living on earth since he pretty much crashed and seemingly has no way out. They kinda befriend, and then Pom gets contacted by the Tallest (who are the leaders) that gets the opportunity to prove himself again taking over the earth with their help (Now at this points Pom became found of earth and his human friend so he is torn deciding whether to go backstab and go back or ultimatly stay. Stuff goes down and in the ends Pom decides to stay on earth with Tom. They then become closer and become a couple BECAUSE CUTE ROMANCE PLOT. Now to the twins (THIS IS A LONG ONE OH GOSH) We thought that in the future Pom and Tom might adopt a kid, then the idea that it could be a Irken kid (smeet) and basically the concept of Lin was born. Later on I got inspired for some secret abonded twin plot and Evi was added. Basically when they where made on their home planet (smeets are made artifical in cans) there where suddenly 2 smeets in a can which where identical twins, and my idea was that the controll brains, a robot who controlls everything, would remove everything that didnt went after plan (even if in this case its a advantage because 2 soldiers for one but I had already thought it out) so it thought that one of them must be killed, they decided to have them live for a while and see which one would be the better one to serve as soldier later. Now the twins made the plan that, if they showed the same abilities controll brains wouldnt be able to decided who is better so they opted to stay on the same level trying to appear the same in abilities. Time passes and the decision must be made.Now Im not sure how it all eventually went down but here is my rought idea. Lin shortly before the decision where maybe one last fight would go down, overheard that if there no ,,better one,, the decision would be radomnize anyway, eitherway one of them is doing to die. Lin tries to inform Evi but fails because she didnt had time before the fight. It goes down and out of panic knowing thats going to happen Lin hits fight or flight panic buttom and went to win the fight.(take in mind she didnt wanted anything bad to happend on Evi, rather she genuinly just paniced for her own survival) Evi went shocked and in her mind Lin did on purpose and backstabbed. Lin tries to explans and try to talk the brains into having them both alive but fails.Lin gets her memories erases and sent back to continue her soldier training and Evi is planned to die. Lin would a while after that go higher to the academy where,however, she sneaks into a spaceships and accidently activates it bacially YEETED from Irk their homeplanet.She would land on earth and meet Pom and Tom who take her in and she basically becomes their adoptive daughter (this is when she is around 10 years old) Meanwhile Evi is suppose to be executed but BY CHEER LUCK, a blackout happened stopping her PAK from being deactivated (HOWEVER it took some damage explained later),she took the chance and went for the run,she ends up in a abonded ghetto like part of the city where some outcast Irken hide and basically had their underground group and they take her in, holding a grudge for what happened she then proceeds to plan revenge. SKIP SOME YEARS (like maybe 4) and Evi finished planning and tracks down on earth with the outcast Irken as her small army, action goes down. Basically Evi fighting Lin and Lin trying to explain during the fight. Now what I imagine is that they accidently create a explosion interupting their fight, they both get knock out but Lin wakes up later and drags Evi with her out of the fire. Lin explains her side of what happened later and feels bad, so Pom (who became kinda friends with the leaders) tells the Tallest that they could keep Evi on earth as banishment. So Evi ends up on earth aswell and becomes the adopted daughter too living with them. Now coming to their personalities: Lin: she is very outgoing and energic person who is hyperactive (kinda like Mabel from Gravity falls) and likes to go climb spaces (I imagine she would appear out of nowhere from a space she climbed and scaring other persons who didnt see her at the moment,she is a friendly person who can be childish and oblivious to things so can be angry and serious when needed. Evi: OH.BOI Evi is a very short tempered person with a short fuse basically better not mess with hershe will on first impression seems rude and angry and rebelic, however if you see you know her better she can kinda cool once she tolerates you. She occasionally does nice things if she thinks the person deserves it tho she would never admit she likes the person enought and would shrug it off casually like ,,oh I just had spare tiime, nothing special shut up,, Now her PAK, as mentioned, Evi PAK got some damage thanks to nearly being deactivated, this resulted in her nutritions settings and stuff to messed with in results Evi turned out smaller than Lin and sometimes has energy lacks that knock her out, she would basically be one second in a temper rampage and next second have wasted so much energy on it that she just drops unconcious and then waking up a second later. Also, since I guess this would also include hormons, who are important for brain chemics and if something is messed up it would result mental illnesses, I imagined Evi would could sometimes become very instable and go manic,depressive,psychotic e.t.c She would start to wear a wristband monitor that checks her levels so she can see when something goes out of normal, and carry substitues of hormons and stuff that she would inject to avoid becoming instable which she carries in the pouch (you can see on the pic),, Still there? wow, I said it would be a bunch XD thanks for reading throught tho

#InvaderZim #invader zim oc

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meyhew · 6 years

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Please talk to me about Harry’s eyes

i will Gladly talk to u about harry’s eyes lets begin i’d like to start with this particular photo:

and all i have to say about it is: there’s no such green. THERES NO SUCH GREEN!!!!!!!!!!!!! look how green and pretty that is, how gorgeous the green looks ringed by black wow im alrady raedy to collapse

before we go on here’s a fun fact: only 2% of the human population has green eyes and of course harry fycking styles is part of that tiny percent bc yes he is that special and unique i despise him

lets return to baby harry for a bit:

i am… Appalled????? LOOK AT THOSE EYES!!!!! like not to be rude but hol y shit?? look at how the light is hitting him look at that sparkle in those eyes look at how his left iris is slightly darker than his left iris the left one is so Clear and so Crisp it reminds me of a beach i wanan die

and THIS! ICONIC! PHOTO! i cant talk abt harrys eyes without mentioning this photo bc????theres golden treasures hidden in the green woWoww im jealous no fucking wonder louis’ so gone bye an d dont even get me started on those LASHES bc i swear i will not shut the fuvk up

and of course……, this Beauty. the eighth wonder of the world. i dont even have proper Words that could do this picture justice i mean… . thats a joyous tear in his eye i dont think i can talk abt this i have to move on

lets look at this and admire this Gift fro m teh gods about look how SOFT this is his eyes look more grey than green and theres that twinkle again?????? hes a witch im 97% convinced theres no way any one person can look Like That i mean theres just no way its a trick he uses to lure ppl in

AND THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!WHEN HIS EYES MATCH HIS OUTFIT!!!! AND THEY GET A THOUSAND TIMES PRETTIER!!! ! i am not even KIDDING i am no T OKAY@! IT LOOKS LIKE HIS EYE IS ON FUCKING FIRE LOOK AT ALL TEH MOLTEN GOLD OH MY DGO???????????????? i need to lay down

BUT WE ARENT DONE YET FUCKERS

WE’RE GONNA TALK ABOUT HARRY STYLES BLINKING

im going to ask a difficult thing of u right now. im going to have to ask u to ignore his dimple and his smile and look at the wAY HE BLINKS!! ! ᶠᴸᵁᵀᵀᴱᴿ ᶠᴸᵁᵀᵀᴱᴿ I MEAN COME! ON! who gave him the right i have questions

LOOOKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am in tears i am genuinyl on the verge of an emotional collapse look how soft! and slow! and gentle! i coutch watch it for hours holy shit damn u styles

AND THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is….. genuinly quite ofensive and i refuse to even talk about it so we’re moving on

that is just…….. it leaves me Breathless bc taht fucker is starng DIRECTLY into my soul he knows all my darkest deepest secrets so we’re going to swiftly transition to the most imposrtant part of this pos t

ur gonna prepare urself for this one…… we’re gonna talk abt the day i was birthed into this world ur going to need all ur strength lads

are you r e a d y

A R E Y O U R E A D Y ?

OH M DYD GODODO?// ??4W/??? ID ONT EVEN KNOW WHERE T O START HOLY FUCK I AM SHAKING THEHAIR????? THE SMILE????????????? oh mY fuckgni gOD his eyes are sparklign THRES A FUCKIGN TWINKLY IN HIS EYES HE LOOKS LIKE A REAL LIFE PRINEC ABT TO BLESS HIS PEOPLE OH MY GOODNESS

THERE ARE TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FUCKIGN CHEEKS GOD I WISH I COULD CARD MY FINGERS THRU HIS HAIR AND WITNESS HIM BLINK THAT SOFTLEY AT ME ᶠᴸᵁᵀᵀᴱᴿ ᶠᴸᵁᵀᵀᴱᴿ ᵇˡᶦⁿᵏ ᵇˡᶦⁿᵏ IM suing !!!!!!

shes dead shes typing from the great beyond (im she)

LOOK AT THAT EYEBROW RAISEHERE LIES TUMBLR USER ROSESAU

#i am............. ruined after this #moonshine #masterpost #tuna sandwich #medicinemp4 #answered

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mino177 · 6 years

Text

The Curious case of Heiman part1

(loooong post)

As I promised you guys I am trying to make sense of this relationship and also what is going on with Cartman and why does he behave the way he does. But first to answer these questions we need to remember that Eric isnt the most mentally stable person in South Park, heck he is one of the most f*ed up one. I did some research on the net to try to find what kind of mental illness/disorder he has and how this affects his relationship with Heidi. My best bet is to go with conduct disorder but he also has some kind of delusional disorder which makes his conduct disorder worse.

Conduct Disorder

At this age Cartman isnt a sociopath/psychopath because these disorders can be diagnosed if somebody is over 18 years old and there are other examples that rule them out fe: saved Kyle and his whole family, helped Stan and Butters and he seems overly emotional . Conduct Disorder is the precursor of these disorders but also the result of an untreated ODD.

There are some examples in the cartoon from Cartman’s past (and present)that point in the ODD’s direction fe: When the boys were in Pre-School and light their teacher on fire Cartman didnt even know how to make fire and he was the first who started to put out the fire. He genuinly felt bad about their teacher at that time and he didnt even realized they could get into trouble until his friends started to panic. This isnt the case anymore and he doesnt seem to care about their ex-teacher or what they did, the reason is because his disorder became worse. But he still has problem with focusing and paying attention and in many cases he is still more underdeveloped than the other boys fe: with girls, relationships (friends, family).

The symptoms of Conduct Disorder

1. Aggressive behavior that causes or threatens harm to other people or animals.

We saw Cartman many times hurt or bully others fe: when he handcuffed billy turner’s leg to the flag pole, gave him a hecksaw and poisoned his lunch milk and made him believe he need to cut off his leg to get the antidote or he will die just because he called him chubby and we also saw him hurt his cat in the past although he became nicer to it and to other cats.

2. Deceitfulness or theft, such as breaking into someone’s house or car, or lying or “conning” others.

There were many occasions when Cartman used his charm to manipulate others, his friends, classmates and mother fe: In the Casa Bonita episode when he tricked Butters who believed the world had ended and Kyle because he wanted to go to his favourite place.

But as time goes by he is getting better and better of it. In the past he had to hurt himself to cry but nowadays he can make himself cry on purpose.

And we also know that he broke into Kyle’s house many times and he had a mission impossible kit that he regulary used for who knows what.

3. Serious rule violations, such as staying out at night when prohibited, running away from home overnight.

Those things are also true. Cartman has a hard time to follow rules and obey others and he distrubted his class many times. And he also run away from home fe: In the Tsst and the cthulhu episode.

4. Many youth with conduct disorder may have trouble feeling and expressing empathy or remorse and reading social cues.

The show many times bring our attention to this, Cartman simply doesnt know or doesnt understand empahty and emotions and how they work. Sometimes he doesnt even know if he hurt others or he doesnt care because he is incapable to put himself into others shoes.

fe:

a.) Casa Bonita episode, his conversation with Kyle

K: That isnt it Cartman.

C: What isnt it?

K: That is just putting up a nice sweater.

C: I dont understand the difference.

K: I know you dont.

b.) He also asked Jimmy how does he act nicely to people and that shows that he believes everybody acts who is nice because he cant be genuinly nice. He also panicks and beats up Jimmy and tries to excuse his actions by blaming him and how rude he was to Kyle who he tries to manipulate again.

c.) His conversation with Stan:

C: Maybe Kyle’ s got a disease and died that would be so awesome

S: dont joke about that, it isnt funny.

C: Who is joking?

d.) His whole actions against Butters. He manipulated Butters and managed to get him out of his way but he forgot that other humans feel compassion and they would try to find the boy instead of having fun.

e.) When he thought Mr. Mackey made his mother cry instead of him

f.) In the chtulu episode he also questioned his mother about his feelings and what to do to fix his problems.

6. Often misinterpret the actions of others as being hostile or aggressive and respond by escalating the situation into conflict.

He does this all the time and his vivid imagination (which can also be because of mental illness) doesnt help. fe: when he imagined that Token tried to kill him or when Kyle tries to help him. The problem that Eric always reads Kyle’s actions wrongly and cant imagine that the boy tries to help him. Even with Heidi Kyle was the only one who tried to help him out in his own way but because he doesnt trust him he ignored his advice because he thought that he just wanted to ruin his relationship.

7. Conduct disorder may also be associated with other difficulties such as substance use, risk-taking behavior, school problems, and physical injury from accidents or fights.

We dont really see Cartman using any drugs maybe because of her mother’s influence but we saw him overeating, maybe instead of drugs and alcohol (like Stan) he gets his fix from food or he still uses the coughing medicine as a drug sometimes:

And we also see him get into fights because he cant express or even realize his emotions fe: He always teased Wendy after their kiss and probably had a crush on her but because he doesnt know how positive feelings work and how to adress his issues he bullied her which ended in a fight.

How this disorder affects his relationship with Heidi and how will it end?

Well for this I looked up how sociopaths/ psychopath behave in a relationship because as I said before conduct disorder is a stepping stone for it and it lines up pretty well what happened with them.

Stages of psychopathic relationship:

1. Love Bombing= Honeymoon Stage: That is the time of the perfect, idealized relationship. When the victim feels that their match was made in heaven and that she found her soulmate.

At the beginning Heiman was just like that. Cartman toned down his behaviour and pretended to be PC and care about the same issues as Heidi, although the whole thing can be the end result of the beat up he received from PC Principal and his friends’ betrayal, he still behaved differently and praised Heidi all the time, either to be on her good side because he didnt want to lose her too or because he cared for her. It is hard to tell because he imagined their life on Mars so there is a huge possibility he loved her. And even in the past he seemed to care about her fe: when he was happy to be paired up with her and when he asked Mr Garrison to give her a better grade, he even made a picture of her. So he had some kind of interest which probably got stronger when he started to date with her.

2. Devalution Stage

That is the stage when the psychopath’s fascination with their „loved” one start to lessen and they try to pull away. They starts to behave hot and cold because they still want to keep the relationship alive but at the same time want to get rid off their partner. They starts to devalue and abuse their partner while still try to give some kind of attention to keep her/him hooked up. This is the stage of manipulation. The psychopath’s behaviour is getting worse and worse until their partner starts to blame him/herself for their failing relationship and starts to feel completly worthless.

I think Heiman is in this stage right now. Cartman tries to pull away and break up with Heidi because he doesnt feel the same admiration like he did in the past but he still value her in a way and wants her back, he isnt ready to get rid off her yet. He balmes Heidi for his losing interest and he tries to devalue her and make her as miserable as he is, maybe to make her feel that she is the one who doesnt deserve him. He manipulates and abuses her. But there is a difference tho instead of balming Heidi he starts to put the blame on Kyle which is pretty strange. Maybe he genuinly feels that Kyle is to blame for his failing relationship or he just uses Kyle to manipulate Heidi. The first one seems more possible after the whole Dumbo and other references part:

The victim also start to realize that something is wrong but they deny it because of their good memories of the first stage. They question themselves and their relationship all the time.

3. The Stage of Contempt

The psychopath feel hate towards their partners and they dont feel any remorse for hurting them both mentaly and physically. At this stage the victims feel worthless and they endure the abuse because they blame themselves for everything. They are completly broken at this point.

As things going right now I think that this is where Heiman is heading in the future. We can also argue that they are in this stage already because Cartman seemed to start to hate Heidi and even tried to get rid off her although he seems to be more depended on her and tries to be on her good side instead of treating her as complete dirt and actually hurt her physically (he wants others to do it tho). We will see but I think his treatment towards Heidi will become really cruel and I am not sure if I really want to see the complete realization of this stage. :(

4. The end- break up. After the abuse of the last stage the psychopath will discard and throw away their victim as a broken toy. Probably this won’t happen because either Kyle will manage to convince Heidie to broke up with Cartman or she will do that by herself and she will kick Cartman’s butt.

There is an other way to look at their relationship which is less sociopathic but very close to conduct disorder:

At the beginning he was interested in Heidi but it wasnt as a big deal as his other interests or crushes fe: Wendy or friends or games but after his other interests disappeared and Heidi approached him and started to spend time with him he developed a crush on her or at least some kind of fascination, maybe even love because he seemed pretty into her or maybe being an outcast also stenghtent his feelings for her.

In a way he became pretty depended on her and he seemed content with that until Butters put the bugs into his ear with the whole girls dont need you and they will just use you speech and we all know how vivid Cartman’s imagination is and how badly he can read people and social norms so he believed Butters.

He realized how smart and amazing Heidi is and how people will follow and befriend her easily while he will stay in the shadow and how easily she can use and leave him. Heidi doesnt need to be alone, she chooses to be that way while he was cast out by others and he can never have the same realtionship with others like Heidi has. In a way he envies her and because she is too good for him he tries to devalue her to make her stay and appreciate him more.

And there is an other problem, lots of things in their relationship is based on lies. Cartman isnt PC and he doesnt care about the same issues as Heidi and sometimes he hates those things that she likes (fe: movies, healthy diet…) but he faked his interests maybe because at the beginning he also wanted to change (because of PC Principal) or to be closer to Heidi, who knows? One thing is sure he got tired pretending that he is somebodyelse and he was afraid that this would change their relationship and Heidi would get mad and leave him.

But instead of clearing up his mistake and admit his lies (which Heidi probably knows already) he started to put the blame on her and others. I think Cartman feels guilty but because that is a pretty new feeling for him, he tried to distance himself from Heidi and that is why he tried to escape with Alexa because he could be himself and didnt have to think about his emotions, problems and guilt.

And because of his disorder similar to introvers he needs space and the more Heidi tried to get involved and spent more time together the more he started to get annoyed, fustrated and yes even started to hate her and what introvers do when they are overhelmed? Well normal introverts would try to talk with their friends and partners about their issues (but people with conduct disorder are different, they have hard time feeling empathy so they dont know why people might want to spend too much time together and how to solve their issues) but if that doesnt help and they reach their breaking point they will ditch and ignore you like you dont exist. I think this was also the reason why Cartman broke up with Heidi at the first time and why he felt happy+ he got rid off his guilt. But after he had some alone time and could regain some of his energy and himself he wanted Heidi back because he missed her.

In a way Cartman in his mind at least he still thinks he loves Heidi but because he causes the failing of their relationship he tries to get rid off his own guilt by blaming others and as I said before he wants to force Heidi to stay with him because he knows that Heidi is too good for him so to make her stay he has to make her as ugly and miserable as he is which is f*ed up.

But after Kyle tried to step in we saw his broken heart which can mean that either he doesnt love Heidi anymore and he will focuse on his rivalry with Kyle or that he blames Kyle for his ruined relationship eitherway he will use Heidi up to get back at him, no matter what.

And I think we all know how this will end. Cartman will hurt and abuse Heidi but at the end he will fail and Heidi and the others will beat him up and maybe Kyle and Heidi will get together (which I wouldnt like that much because Kyle doesnt really like Heidi and she doesnt need an other bad relationship).

Or (which is unlikely but I am hoping for) Heidi manage to confront Cartman and he will break down and tries to tell the truth and fix his failing relationship with her. I would personally like a healthy Heiman relationship similar to what they had at the beginning but based on truth and actual caring.

Cartman can change and can have a normal life and realtionship but for this he would need real therapy fe: Psychotherapy and behavioral therapy (not anger management because that doesnt help people with conduct disorder) and the help of his mom and friends and classmates. We saw from the Tsst episode when the Dog Whisperer taught Cartman’s mother how to behave in front of her son and how to discipline him, we saw his behaviour changing because that is what he exactly needs. A healthy home, a normal mother and classmates. And he could keep these changes up if his mother didnt ruin the whole thing. His friends arent really good at helping him because he learned many of his behaviour from them and they usually just ditch and ignore him. And his classmates bully him. We saw what happened to Clyde after he took over his role as the fat kid in his class. He almost broke down and he became as agressive as Cartman.

I wouldnt mind if Heidi could help Cartman out with his issues but that is a huge burden for a little girl like her.

#eric cartman #heidi turner #heiman #south park #what went wrong?#cartman's side

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dysl3xia · 4 years

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you keep saying things written down is better then saying them out loud. Maybe thats what I am doing wrong to try to get through to you. Writing things down has always been a way for me to get my anger, worries and sadness down and out my mind but I have never had to address it to someone else for them to actually read it. Excuse my english , punctuation etc because dyslexia is a bitch.

I have so many things that bothers me about us right now and I am sick of having to keep telling you the same things over and over again. Why don’t you just stop. Listen. Think. I have a heart. A warm beating heart that is sensitive, beaten up and bruised. It’s got it’s scars, big ones at that but it still beats and loves you. It reminds me of the little cartoon one from that animation i liked with the two little boys who love each other and the ginger boys heart tries his best to get them together. Genuinely feel like that us sometimes. My heart only wants you and you’re away doing something else. It’s pointless pain that i have told you to fix and all you say is sorry and “ill be a better boyfriend, i promise”. Its exhausting and just sad.

Your arguments are almost always wrong / got nothing to add and its just repetition. This part frustrates me so much because you dont get it nor really seem to want to understand it. what. you. say. doesn’t. matter. you. still. done. it. You make up these lies, these “false statements to try and dig yourself out these holes but it never works. You talk over me and get frustrated that i dont listen but why should i? why do you have the right to be heard after you dont with me. I genuinly want to punch my laptop right now cause you’re so exhausting. I guess you will make a good lawyer one day because you can sure in heck argue a shit point across and try to make it work. Im not an idiot though and i know when im being lied to. You need to listen to me. Not let it go through one ear and out the other. Like reallyyyyyyyyyy listen to me. Take the time to process my words and realise “ was what i was going to say actually the thing she wants to hear” or “ help my cause? “ or “important” or mainly “the truth” should i not just admit to it instead of making a stupid long ass excuse and watching my girlfriend get fired up to the point i can see her face turn red, smoke come from her ears, fire coming from her mouth and feel her heart beat rise up as i touch her to say another stupid point. I cannot explain this enough but Michal you need to stop. think. and not just say everything out of “nervousness”. You're being stupid.

If i am shouting at you because i am frustrated with you because you have genuinely fucked up this time. That gives you no right to shout me down, put your stupid opinion in and stick your finger in my face and tell me “if you’re not going to listen to me i will not listen to you” I do not need to hear you Michal! you need to hear me. I am the one upset so you should be listening to me instead of giving me a mouthful from you about how you are in the right. We both know in the end it always ends up with me crying crocodile tears while you sit in silence thinking “wow i fucked it” and saying the most hated words of “ i am sorry, i will be better i promise”. I wish you could see this everytime because you don’t. How many times have i told you this when we fight? it makes my blood boil!

You take that plate. You smash the plate. The plate is broken. Say sorry to the plate. You say sorry. Is it fixed? No. Your sorrys dont do anything, it’s overrated. The meaning of sorry is you are genuinely upset and you want to apologise and NOT do it again. Do not say it if you keep doing it. Sorry aint a get out a jail free card.

My heart is braking every thoughtless action, every “sorry” that comes out your mouth, everyday. I am already a very damaged person and you seem to “not think” “not understand” or not want to hear what i have to say as your point of view is still more important? I feel my heart braking in two looking into the eyes of a “man” i love who used to have the purest white heart I knew turn into something dull and nasty.

I want your kindness, respect, care, thoughtfulness, compassion, love, your heart. I dont need your flowers, your aplogoy card or your chocolate, the exact basic stuff that a man will get his lady when he fucks up. I want thought, i want meaning. I want your kindness. You can tallk about how you weren’t “trying to buy my love” but how can i feel like you arent? I dont accept your apology as you hand me said items and you question why i didn’t bin them if I didn’t appreciate your kind gesture. I never asked for this nor didn’t i want this shit to happen where your “kind gesture” was the only thing you could offer me. Your ‘false statments” aka lies are not okay but you continue to make them. I don’t want your sorrys, i dont want your explaining. I want your kindess and your thoughts. It isn’t hard.

“Maybe I am not good enough for you” Lets stop there. Lets stop with the “maybe” and the “probably”. Lets be sure on our answers as these words show you have not understood and show you are confused yourself as to if these are your thoughts and answers. Second that is not it at all and it’s insulting you would give up so easily. If you truly understood / wanted to change this statement wouldn’t of came out your mouth. You were a boy who kept coming back to me , cared about me and tried to heal me. Who wouldn’t fall for that. Thats all that I wanted from you, you were always good enough. Your heart was always good enough because it made my rotten cold heart warm. You showed me what true love was. It’s sad that now only you are the one with a cold heart.

I am not a prefect human being and I have treated so many guys bad in my life time because i didn’t know what it took to love them. I got damaged and damaged people damage others. You my friend have no excuse. I managed to turn my life around and show someone that i love them. You never felt true pain and it shows. You would appreciate the little things and the big things that i have done and you would love me. Saying you love me and you would die for me blah blah blah will never be enough. I am not dumb. I have loved others before and fell for their dumb toxic words that made me stay. I am not making that mistake of falling for the words unless they show me.

It makes me sad when i am screaming at you in the car, crying and questioning my life decisions and you try to tell me you love me the same as i love you. Look around you. We are sat in a car which i contribute to, as we inhale the car air freshener i bought, using the tissues i bought and kept here for your trip to Amsterdam on valentines day while i sat alone ill. Your glove department is full of my thoughts of your everyday life. You listen to your music in the car because of me and charge your phone while you can now go anywhere because of me. After a long day of uni you can come home and play that expensive game, with your expensive headphones because a kind soul bought you it, when your done? hang it up cause you can now. When you go to sleep know you are warm because you sleep in someone elses bed sheets. Wash your body knowing you will never run out, but you basically lost that luxury because i refused to fund you after out last fight. So you can dry your ass with my favourite tye dye towel that i know you love because its big. So many things that you wouldn’t have and it can all be stripped away from you just. like. that. DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON YOUR FUCKING MONEY. you should know better.

I wear socks with holes in while you are walking around in the new socks I have bought you. The socks you put holes in and don’t replace. My socks.

“I love you” is such a cruel sentence to me. One boy said it and would run back and fourth to his ex. Ive had junkie with a swinging jaw say it to me. I’ve had you say it. I have had a boy say that his pupils got bigger because he loved me and he was staring at something beautiful. One was on coke and one was a liar. I have had a boy hold me tight and say it’s because they loved me. One boy missed being held by someone else, one boy was panicking on drugs and the last boy was scared of the dark. I cannot do this all again, say it and mean it. If not set me free because my heart cannot take it anymore.

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