#i felt like accepting i was aro also meant accepting that i would never grow up to live a happy life | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kusuokisser · 7 months

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oomf reblogged a bunch of aro stuff and in honor of pride hour (i made it the fuck up Dont ask me any questions i dont talk to paparazzi) i want to talk about MYYY experience being arospec because it is Isolating and even if this reaches literally no one id rather at least have tried to share my feelings. Spreading love! 💝

growing up i very quickly realized that i wasnt getting crushes like the other kids were. as early as second grade i started trying to force myself to like the boys in my class. id, like, look around the classroom at the start of every new school year and look for the next boy to have a "crush" on. It sounds kind of funny looking back but like i remember how desperate i felt doing it. i remember one year i genuinely hated every boy in my class with a burning passion and, if nothing else, i remember the feeling of being wrong. i, a 4th (maybe 3rd?) grader, felt isolated and gross because i couldnt force a crush for a year.

i had known none of the other ones were really crushes, but it wasnt the romance i wanted it was the connections. i wanted to be able to join the girls talking about their crushes and i wanted to have a reason to try talking to boys; i wanted to be liked.

in 6th grade i think was the first time i didnt try to force a crush. i dont remember much from that year but i know that i didnt feel good. youd think that, as an arospec, i would have enjoyed the break from faking romance but at that point i didnt understand that my feelings werent quite real. i knew they werent like everyone elses, but i really wanted them to be even if it meant lying a bit to myself on the way. i felt wrong and weird.

in seventh grade that was when covid hit and everyone was quarentined, and also that is the year that holds my worlds most obvious example of my aromanticism ever. genuinely think back to this and go "how didnt i figure it out sooner"

i convinced myself i had a crush on my at-the-time best friend. there was no crush by the way, i judt knew i liked him more than all my other friends and to my socially deprived brain that meant it had to be romantic right? well he didnt like me back and literally i went, watched like two YouTube videos on something or other, and was over it. because the feelings were never genuine. it was never love it was a desire to be close with someone

8th grade was the first time i actually fell in love. by then i had figured out im a lesbian, and i met this girl named Jane. She was literally everything you could want in a girl and i fell HARRDDDDDDD i was so in love dont even. but I found that my capacity to love her fluxuated. the love was always there, but some days it was more platonic than anything. sometimes thr platonic periods would stretch for weeks. sometimes it would switch between platonic and romantic multiple times a day. it confused me and honestly? it scared me a lot. i distanced myself from her and eventually we broke up (for seperate reasons but this def contributed)

that really messed with me because now i was left with two understandings: i can definitely experience romantic attraction, and the romantic attraction can change at the drop of a hat.

after a lott of time and research i finally realized and accepted that im aromanticflux (will go into detail if necessary) and you know what? it didn't make me feel better. if anything it made me feel worse; i felt like such an asshole for getting in a relationship if it was always going to end.

now i am. Still coming to terms with my identity but i am learning to love and be kind to myself. the point of this whole thing is. youre never alone. there are eight billion people on earth, at least one of them is going through the exact same thing as you right now. you are not any less of a person because of your attraction or lack thereof

#Mimi gets serious wtfff #gross never do it again #faun talks about something other than saiki???#aromantic #aroace #aromantism #arospec #Umm how do you even tag this #If it finds you it finds you. Love yourself ☺️💝

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early2000smovieimagines · 3 years

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Meeting and Dating Nick Jones

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

(I was planning on writing for Bo and Vincent for my October lineup but I also had this request in my inbox and these came easier to me so I hope you don't mind!)

- Growing up with Carly Jones as your best friend meant that Nick had always been a sort of minor character in your life. The two of you had never been very close but if you’d been asked a few years back, you would have; at the very least, called him a friend. Nowadays …well nowadays you just didn’t know.

- Nick was different now. He was much more hostile; especially towards his sister, and he seemed to be slipping further and further into the role of “the evil twin”. It was something you and Carly talked about from time to time: how her parents always made her the good one, how they were getting tired of her brothers antics, how he seemed to be getting worse and worse and that he blamed everyone else for all of it.

- It was probably the reason why you’d decided that you needed to do something about it. You knew that he wanted nothing to do with his family, and no offense to Dalton but he was nowhere near a “good influence”. So, apart from a counselor that he would have never agreed to see anyways, you’d felt that it was up to you to be there for him.

- And maybe, just maybe, a part of you wanted to rekindle your friendship for your own sake; a sake that had more than a little to do with your best friend finding a boyfriend who she was falling more and more in love with every day.

- So, with all that in mind, you started to plan how you’d go about reconnecting with a boy you felt like you didn't know anymore.

- You had to really think about it. You didn’t want to come across as someone who was trying to fix him or make it seem like his family was using you to keep tabs on him; since that literally wasn’t the case, nor did you want to make him come to some conclusion that would make him resent you the same way he resented Carly. So you started off small.

- Greeting him was easy enough; easier than you thought it would be actually. When you first saw him standing near his car, you’d pictured him glaring at you and asking what you wanted, but he’d merely given you a rather nonchalant “hey” before turning back to smoking and skimming through his cds.

- When you asked about the albums, he’d given you a curious look; as though he was confused as to why you were still standing there, but nevertheless, he’d taken a long drag of his cigarette; leaving you waiting in anticipation to see if he was gonna shoo you away, before rattling off a few band names and watching your reactions to them.

- For the rest of your talk, his responses were short but they weren’t rude. In fact, it felt like you were getting somewhere; though you supposed that it was less “getting somewhere” as much as it was getting back to where you used to be.

- By the time he made it obvious that he wanted to get going, you were feeling more than a little optimistic about everything, and starting to remember exactly why; and just how much, you’d liked the “old” Nick.

- But it wasn’t all sunshine's and rainbows. He wasn’t always nice, and he was never completely sweet even when he was. During the start of your blossoming friendship (i.e. when you first began to go to the places he went and try to hang out with him) there were more than a few occasions where he’d insulted you, made some snide remark or insinuated something that genuinely got under your skin.

- Like the time he’d managed to see right through you and made some mocking comment about how you were ditched by Carly and that that was the reason you were hanging around him now.

- And though it hurt to hear; because to some degree it was true, it was also the one that managed to break the camels back and really get him to accept you back into his life.

- Maybe it was the nature of what he’d said or your heated response that was along the lines of “god forbid you like being around him” but he’d really felt guilty after that one. He spent all night trying to convince himself that he didn’t care that you’d stormed off but only managed to make himself angrier and realize just how much he’d enjoyed having you around.

- And so, in an attempt to apologize as best as he could, he’d driven to your work the next day and, for the first time ever, actually invited you to a party, opening his passenger side door for you after ushering Dalton into the backseat and giving you a softened look that seemed like the closest thing to a pleading sorry that you’d ever get from a man as he leaned over the seat.

- You seemed to really be on his good side after that. Almost all of his insulting stopped, turned into the occasional playful ribbing that was always followed up with or administered with a grin. Instead of you having to force yourself on him, he was now picking you up and taking you places. Hell he’d even stolen you from a hangout with Carly a few times; something he probably took great pleasure in doing.

- You were officially his companion and it was like the best feeling in the world; so pleasant that it genuinely surprised you. But that warm, pleasant feeling was nothing compared to the first time he’d kissed you.

- The action had taken you by surprise. Sure, the two of you had flirted and teased each other here and there, but you’d never actually expected it to go anywhere. So when he’d lifted his head from its perch on your shoulder, cupped your cheek and kissed you in the middle of one of your late night hangouts, it took you a few seconds to react.

- You weren’t sure what you were expecting a kiss with Nick to be like, but it wasn’t this; not that you were complaining. You’d expected fire, a raging sort of fire that gave off the same aggressive feeling as the rest of him. But this? This was soft, a slow burning sort of warmth that felt perfectly right against your lips.

- And so, the evil devil finds his angel.

- Nick bounces back and forth between his feelings about pda. Sometimes he’ll only tolerate the bare minimum while other times he’ll want to be all over you; it really just depends on his mood and the type of company you’re in.

- Even when he isn’t in the mood to be all affectionate with you, he’ll still hold your hand, enjoying that little ounce of comfort while his other hand rests in his pocket or holds his beer.

- Most of his affection is surprisingly soft and sweet: like the way he kisses your cheek, his lips pressing delicately against your skin, lingering there for as long as they can. He’ll rarely outwardly admit that he wants more but it isn’t hard to tell.

- Slow, passionate kisses.

- He is honestly such a poser: acting like he’s so big and bad when you both know damn well that he’s gonna be laying on top of you the minute you crawl into bed, his arms wrapped around your middle and his face pressed into your neck. It’s something you like to tease him about, and depending on how long you’ve been together, he’ll either roll his eyes and push you away or mumble out a “shut up” and nuzzle into you even further.

- He consistently sits in prime lap seat position and you would be a fool not to take advantage of it.

- Whenever you’re around other people, he tends to just call you by your real name, but when you’re alone, he’ll call you things like angel, babe, and beautiful.

- Being with Nick is an experience that is bound to boost your self esteem. Believe me, even if you’ve never considered yourself to be something to look at, having him for a boyfriend will start to make you reconsider your view of yourself. You can’t help it, not when you’re sat in his lap and he’s looking at you with that half lidded gaze, a bottle pressed absentmindedly to his lips as he takes in every detail of your face. When you ask him “what”, all he can manage to say is “you’re so fucking pretty” before he’s sitting up to kiss you.

- Him checking you out is commonplace and he does it in a multitude of ways. Sometimes it’s sweet, other times it sinful, but it always manages to threaten the longevity of your panties.

- He hates having people; including you, think that he’s sweet but he would genuinely give you the shirt off his back if you asked him to; or didn't, and that is not a metaphor.

- At some point in your relationship, he gifted you a piece of jewelry; one that probably had his name on it, and you were both in a silent understanding as to what exactly he meant by giving it to you, even though he acted like it was no big deal: as though he hadn’t painstakingly chosen exactly which one he’d wanted to get you.

- He definitely just nonchalantly handed the box over to you while the two of you were hanging out; in the same way he’d hand you a cigarette or something of the sort. He was too nervous to watch your entire reaction, and he was also making a point of not staring to try to make it seem like less of “a thing”, but he did glance over at you a few times; and happily accepted the kiss and hug that you gave him.

- And, on the note of gifts: he steals shit for you constantly. What’s that? Don’t have enough money for some little overpriced thing that you really want/need? It’s already halfway down his pocket by the time you start walking away from it with a frown.

- Random visits and “I’m coming over” texts. You should always try to be prepared for anything because he has a tendency to just show up or tell you that he’s taking you out without any prior notice. Whenever you ask why he’s there, he’ll make some comment about not being allowed to want to see his girlfriend and you’ll just roll your eyes and let him in.

- He A) watched you grow up while he did the same and B) grew up with a twin sister, so it’s safe to say that he’s pretty familiar with all of the different bullshit that comes with being a girl and at this point, none of it takes him by surprise. Periods, pimples, stretchmarks, makeup and lack there of; it’s nothing he hasn’t seen before and you never have to worry about it when you’re with him.

- He’s definitely a bit of a loner but he likes being alone with you. You’re always welcome to come and sit by him while he makes himself comfortable away from the group; and sometimes he’ll just drag you along with him himself.

- Standing with him outside while he smokes. He lights up cigarettes whenever but he also has specific times where he actually needs one; especially if he’s trying to quit, so you’ll come outside with him at like nine at night or right after he wakes up at like noon and you’ll keep him company.

- Amusement and water park dates. He gets to act tough and like he isn’t scared by the rides, see you in a bikini or tank top all day, and probably take a road trip out of town to go to said places, so it’s really just a win all around.

- Given the type of personality that he has, he would genuinely find it adorable if you were the type of person to get scared or nervous easily. He’ll roll his eyes and tease you but he’ll do it affectionately.

- Getting dragged to random places; usually ones that have you worrying that you’ll get in trouble for trespassing. You’ve explored a lot of abandoned areas with him.

- Late night convenience and grocery store runs.

- Spending a lot of late nights together. He’s usually awake anyways so you’re dragged along on adventures with him till like three am whenever he can convince you to come.

- Constantly having Dalton around. He’s a bit of a third wheel most of the time but he’s at least fun to be around; when the camera is turned off that is.

- Fast food dates. He usually buys you something even when you say you don’t want anything, or laughs at you while he takes a bite of his own, right before letting you have some like the pushover he secretly is.

- Concerts and club dates.

- He sort of just goes along with you to places. Sure, he might complain if you want to go somewhere that he deems as being “lame” but it isn’t the first time he’s been dragged into bath and bodyworks, believe him.

- Long goodbyes. Both of you; though it is mainly him, tend to put off leaving each other for as long as you can, not wanting to part but knowing that you have to.

- The amount of times this asshole corners and cages you up against a wall is atrocious. He has no right doing it, and enjoying it, as much as he does but that’s just something you’ll have to live with.

- Nick gives off the distinct vibes of a man who plays Xbox and I cannot tell you why. What I can tell you is that he’d like having you sit with him while he does so and would not so secretly get upset whenever you wanted to leave; even though he’s paying like zero attention to you.

- Affectionate insults and name calling.

- He’ll pretend like it doesn’t matter but he was so happy when you posted his pic for the first time; he probably only has a myspace account so that he can see your posts and chat with you. And speaking of: whenever the two of you take pictures together, he always does that stereotypical boyfriend pose where he’s stood behind you and his face is half hidden by your hair.

- Wearing his hoodies and jackets.

- He’s probably gotten a tattoo that is either your name or something that represents you/your relationship. He’s that kind of impulsive.

- Helping him buzz his hair. There’s really no way for you to mess up and it makes his life a whole lot easier so of course he’s going to ask you for a little assistance. He’d prefer not walking around with random patches of hair on the back of his head, thank you very much.

- He definitely comes to your house to sleep in your bed; both because he just likes being in your presence and thinks it one of the most comfortable things in the world and because he doesn’t really have a place of his own.

- He probably didn’t immediately tell you after his parents kicked him out and you only found out because Carly told you when you went over there to look for him; which just gives him another reason to resent her. He should really be thanking her though, considering you now either have him living with you or let him stay over a lot more.

- Trying to help him deal with his issues. You’re probably going to have a few break ups here and there because he’s shit at expressing himself and his emotions, but believe me when I say, he does love you and he’s trying really hard to be better for you.

- He’s a stubborn person, it runs in the family, so that's just something you’re gonna have to deal with in a multitude of ways.

- Getting him to lighten up on Carly.

- Keeping him in check since he has a tendency to do stupid, aggressive shit without thinking it through. You don’t need him going to jail because he hates the world.

- He always covers for you whenever the two of you get in trouble. He reasons that you’ve got a clean record and he doesn’t so you shouldn’t jeopardize yours when he can just add on whatever crime you’ve got yourselves into under his extensive belt.

- Nick has his fair share of insecurities so even though he doesn’t get jealous all of the time, certain people will set him off: i.e. people he deems as having something he doesn’t or who seem like they’d be better for you. He tends to just act blatantly rude towards them until they take the hint and/or learn to; at the very least stay, away from him.

- He’s a pretty hostile person in general so he’ll have no problem telling someone to fuck off if they’re bothering you or annoying him while he’s out with you. He’s very protective of you so his reactions can range from verbal assaults to just plain throwing punches.

- The two of you are gonna either fight a lot or not at all and it really just depends on the type of person you are. When you are fighting, he tends to be hurtful; whether purposefully or not, and that’ll usually lead to the argument turning into something far worse than it had to be.

- That being said: he does know when he’s gone to far and though he might not apologize in the moment, he will the next chance he gets after the two of you have calmed down. Most of the time, he’ll show up at your door, a few hours later with a guilty look on his face, calling himself an asshole and seeking your forgiveness.

- He tries not to make a big deal out of saying he loves you; even though he probably waiting forever to say it for the first time. He’ll usually use it nonchalantly, giving a “love you” after he pecks you on the lips when you're saying goodbye.

- He’s certainly not the easiest to love but he’s trying to be better and he’s hoping that you’ll stick by him long enough to see it.

#nick jones imagine #nick jones headcanon #nick jones headcanons #nick jones imagines #house of wax imagine #house of wax headcanon #house of wax headcanons #house of wax imagines

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aquanova99 · 2 years

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Back for You (Marcus Volturi x OC)

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Summary: Marcus is suddenly deterred on his way back to Volterra. When he runs into Ruby his world is completely turned around. He never dreamed of finding another mate, will she be able to help be happy again?

A/N: I have to admit I love writing for Marcus but god I feel so bad because I am not good at ocs. I am so sorry to who requested this, I am not good at incorporating specific details without being glaringly obvious 😭

A/N: thank you to anyone who read this anyways I love you 😂 reblogs are appreciated and askbox is still open 😅

You were glad the confrontation with the Cullens got resolved. You didn’t want anyone to anyone to go. Especially the guard, you could tell Felix and Demetri had been worried about their mates. Whether they admitted it or not. They had been specifically instructed to think about anything but them so as to not give the Cullens any reason to look for certain targets. Especially when they found out the Romanians were there. Heaven knew they would have enjoyed torturing anyone as means of payback for the war they lost.

You also knew the Cullens were bound to break the law again. And next time they won’t be able to gather witnesses like this. Aro would strike then, Caius would make sure of it. You were just tired. You knew Aro worried about you after Didyme but you would easily accept death at this point. You were bored, it gets tiring to be the fifth wheel so to speak.

You were running through the woods to get back to the jet to get back to Volterra when you were hit with a smell unlike anything you’d ever encountered. You didn’t even think of letting Aro know, you were suddenly distracted. All you could focus on was finding the owner of that scent. It didnt take you long to find out.

You came face to face with the most beautiful human you’d ever seen. Impossible, you thought. You hadn’t felt this way since Didyme. Was it possible that you found another mate? You gift confirmed your suspicions. As she her eyes found yours, you felt the bond seemingly click into place. You were frozen in place, as if her diamond blue eyes had a power of their own.

You could hear your brothers approaching. Their steps snapped you back to reality. The girls lips seemed to open to speak but you ran before you could change your mind. You’d learned from previous experience that your life wasn’t meant for mates. A part of you also felt as if you were betraying you previous mate. How could you even think this way about someone else?

You quickly ran into your brothers.

“Marcus What is the meaning of this?” Caius asked, he was already frustrated from the lack of a fight.

“I simply got distracted, my apologies brothers.”

Aro tilted his head. You knew that he was going to figure it out sooner or later. You sighed and held out your hand.

“Interesting…” he turned to Caius, “It seems Marcus has found another mate.”

“Another? Is that even possible?” The concern in Caiuss voice was evident. As much as he portrayed to be the cruelest of the three of you, h had often been the one you would talk to about Didyme when the tragedy had originally occurred.

“Are you going to bring her back?”

“She has no idea who or what we are. It wouldn’t be right. Besides Didyme…” your voice trailed off, you were so conflicted

“Brother. You have another chance to be happy. I don’t see why you should squander it.” Caius said simply.

“It seems we are in agreeance. Besides she’s seen you, you know how these bonds work.” Aro was the next to agree

“She’s never spoken to me. She could think it was a weird dream or a hallucination.”

“We are talking about you.” Caius crossed his arms as he said this, “look what happened to Edward, and they weren’t even mates.”

You knew he was right. Even now your curiosity was getting the better of you, god you felt so guilty. You shouldn’t want this. And yet at the same time you couldn’t cut off the bond. A small part of you wanted to meet your new mate. Except that small part of you was growing quickly.

Aro scoffed, “well I say we get on with it. Let’s go brother. Lead the way.”

“But I—“

“Nonsense, either you bring her or I’ll send Demetri or Chelsea later.”

You heard yourself sigh again, but you ran back in the direction of your mate. The others agreed to wait unless things got out of hand. You prayed to whatever power was listening that it didn’t come to that.

Of course as usual, it seemed no one was listening. The second you arrived it seemed your mate was on the defensive

“Oh look who’s back.”

“Sorry to bother you. My name is Marcus.”

“Okay. Ruby. Now what exactly are you?” Ruby. What a beautiful name. No. Stop. This is wrong.

“It’s a bit complicated my dear.”

“Well no one can just magically disappear so, either I’m hallucinating or there’s something else about you.”

“I suppose you aren’t wrong.” You started fidgeting you could hear other people asleep. “I need you to come with me.”

“Excuse me? I don’t even know you.”

“Please. If you don’t some of the people here could be hurt.”

“Yeah, that really makes me want to go.”

You heard Caius huff and begin coming over to you. Before you could stop him, aro and him rushed to your sides.

“Are you going to tell us your not even the least bit curious about him?” Aro asked

You saw her cool demeanor shrink. You cursed yourself for not ignoring her scent in the beginning.

“They won’t hurt you Ruby. I promise.”

She raised her eyebrow at you, “okay. I believe you. I doubt the people here will notice I’m gone anyways.”

“How would they not?” You asked

“Oh I’m pretty sure they wanted to see how I would do. It was supposed to be a class trip. Have some fun with the quirky girl. Yesterday we all went on a hike, or we were supposed to but when I woke up they were gone. That’s why I’m up now. So wherever we’re going will at least be more interesting. It’s going to be warm right?”

“Of course.” Aro answered, “Marcus why don’t you pick her up. We will take care of the story.”

“Story?” Ruby asked

“I’ll explain later.” Without thinking you scooped her up, “Sorry, I hope this is alright.”

“Well I doubt I could keep up if I followed myself.” You couldn’t help studying her face, her brown hair was cut in a way that framed her face perfectly. You shook the thoughts forming in your head off and took off towards Heidis meeting point. As you ran you felt her cling a bit tighter to you. You hated that your heart swelled at the gesture.

Heidi had arranged a car for yourself, your brothers, Renata and the twins. You had asked to have another vehicle for herself and her mate and along with Felix and Demetri and their mates. Jane greeted you first.

“Master, who is this.”

“Jane. This is Ruby. My— she will be a guest in our castle.”

Jane seemed to understand, her working manner thrown to the wind now that she knew she was off duty.

“Hi Ruby, I’m Jane.”

So far Ruby had been polite but cold, almost aloof. You were worried that Ruby would continue to address the rest of the guard. Jane was, as much as she hated it, still a child. She wouldn’t understand Rubys immediate distance. She already dealt with that during trials. Rubys voice broke your train of thought.

“Hi Jane, your hair is lovely by the way.”

“You like it? I can never do anything else to it.”

“Of course, it’s absolutely lovely, maybe I can try something new if youd like?”

“Really? You aren’t—you aren’t scared of me?”

“Should I be?”

“Hmm maybe?” Jane shrugged

“Well I promise to be nice, if you are.”

You could see Janes bond immediately growing attached to Ruby. “Okay!”

She grabbed her hand and led her to the car. Aro and Caius came as Jane introduced her to everyone.

“Seems like our Ruby is doing well.” Aro announced

“Only with the younger ones it seems. She hasn’t even looked in my direction… not that I’m waiting for her to.”

Caius chuckled, “sure brother. Well, I’m sure she has some questions about us, yes?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ruby took everything extremely well. However part of you couldn’t help but wonder if it was because she wouldn’t let her guard down around you.

Jane immediately went to grab something that suited Ruby’s style. She was back in less than an hour with a beautiful sky blue gown.

“Oh jane its perfect, thank you.”

Jane smiled and stuck her tongue out at Alec, “I told she would like this one.”

“That’s not fair, she didn’t even see my option.” Alec countered as the two walked away bickering.

Everyone figured out she was your mate without you having to say anything, thank god because her bond to everyone but the twins was already hanging by a thread. You led her to your chambers.

She changed into the dress. You couldn’t help and stare when she came out. She looked stunning. You tried to remember to give her some space, so as not to scare her off.

“I know today has been a lot. You must be tired. This room is now yours. So please make yourself comfortable. Heidi will stop by tomorrow and take you shopping for anything you might need.”

“Can—can you stay actually? I just have so many questions still.”

You wanted to say no, but you didn’t think you could say no to anything she wanted. “Of course. What would you like to know?”

“How did this start? I mean how did you guys decide you were going to tell other vampires what to do?”

“I suppose I’m not sure how it turned into that. There used to be others more or less in charge but they didn’t hide who they were. They would take humans as slaves and would maybe turn them on the rare occasion that they proved to be as bloodthirsty as they were. The world was chaos, Aro sought to make it better. We still have our flaws, believe me. But I’d like to think it’s better than what we used to live like.”

“That makes sense. Humans aren’t scared of vampires lurking around. So how do you eat humans now?”

“Most of our kind just hunts the random human, there are two covens that eat animal blood.”

“Why doesn’t everyone?”

“Frankly? The taste is horrible.” This got a laugh out of her. “In all honesty it doesn’t make sense to hunt animals, you need a lot more to even come close to satisfying you. It also makes you slower and weaker than those of us who just drink human blood.”

“I imagine that’s not doable in the vampire mafia.” You chuckled at her bluntness, “so how do you get so many people with so many of you here.”

“We are fortunate enough to have Heidi. She is a siren of sorts. Technology has actually made it very easy, she sends an email for a free vacation. Most people have no idea they are even in Italy.” You said the next part in a whisper as if Aro hadn’t seen how Heidi operated, “she’s very selective on who she invites.”

“What do you mean?”

“Heidi did not have an easy life. Her mate helps her now, but she scours the worst type of people to bring here. Believe it or not we try not to ruin or interfere with a humans life.”

“So I’m an exception?”

“It’s err a bit complicated.”

“You said that earlier. Why did I have to come with you?”

“I would rather not answer that yet, if you don’t mind. I want to answer it’s just hard to explain and I want to make sure I phrase it correctly.”

Ruby pursed her lips but nodded, “you said heidis mate? Is that like her boy or husband?”

“Her wife actually. Our kind tend to have a mate, it’s someone you have an instant connection with.”

“Like a soulmate?”

“Something like that, if someone loses their mate it is devastating. The vampire who loses their mate can be in a state of grief the rest of their existence.”

Ruby thought this through carefully, “so who’s your mate?”

Yours lips tightened, you hated talking about this, “I don’t have one. My brothers both try and keep their mates safe by keeping them in the castle as often as they can. When they do leave they are heavily guarded, unless they go out with them.”

“That must be sad to live all those years alone.”

Her kindness surprised you, it was plain to see she was a friendly soul once she began getting comfortable. You could see her bond slowly begin to strengthen with you. Your resolve to not fall for her waning.

“I wasn’t alone the whole time…”

“Oh I guess that makes sense, I’m sure there are lots of vampires who wanted company.”

“No, it’s not that. I just— I used to have a mate.”

You saw her face fall “I thought mates were forever?”

“They’re supposed to be, but it’s partly why my brothers are so protective. After my mate was killed they did everything they could to protect them theirs.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up sad memories, that must have been very hard on you.”

“It was, it still is.”

“Do you want to talk about her?”

“I’m— I’m sorry?”

“Well it sounds like no one would bring her up especially since you’re one of the three people in charge. Do you ever have someone you can talk to about what you miss? Do you let yourself feel everything?”

“I used to when it first happened. But I haven’t spoken about Didyme for centuries. I try not to say her name at all but I guess there exceptions.”

“Well if you want to talk about it I’ll be here.”

“Shouldn’t you be getting some rest?”

“Would you be able to sleep in a castle full of vampires as a human?”

“I suppose not.” You chuckled again.

“Well then, you know Aros gift?”

“Mhm.”

“Well Didyme had a gift too. She quite literally made everyone around her happy. We have someone else with a similar power but if she uses too much you can get withdrawals. After a while it doesn’t seem to work. Didyme never seemed to have anything like that. Out of all the mates we had the strongest bond, though part of me wonders if her gift ever played into it.”

Ruby reached over and grabbed your hand, “I’m sure it didn’t have anything to do with that. Sorry to interrupt but how did you know about your bond?”

“I suppose that’s my gift I can see how close someone’s ties are to another.”

“Anyone?”

You nodded, “I can see that before our conversation you felt the closest to Jane easily.”

“I do like her, it’s sad she seems to be frozen at such a young age.”

You nodded in agreement, you couldn’t keep it from her any longer. Her hand was still on your arm and the only thing you wanted was to hold it.

“Ruby, I must tell you the real reason i had to bring you here. I’m afraid that you are my mate.”

Her hand recoiled at her words. You didn’t dare look at her. The possibility of her bond being tethered to you was almost too much to bear.

“But I thought you already had a mate?”

“It would appear I have two.”

“Are you mad that it’s me?”

You couldn’t help it you looked up at her, trying as hard as you could to not use your gift, you took both of her hands in yours, focusing on her hands “of course not. I just never expected to feel this way about someone again. I’ve spent centuries honestly wishing I was gone. I don’t know what to do with these feelings.”

“You aren’t looking at me.”

“It’s tempting to use my gift. I’m afraid of what I’ll see.”

“Why?” She asked as she rubbed circles on your hands

“As much as i tried to push away these feelings I can’t deny I keep wanting to know you more and more. I can see how kind you were to the twins and even to me a stranger who’s taken you away from your life. If I saw that you were wary of me—“

“Marcus?”

“Hm?”

“Use your gift.” Your eyes slowly traveled back to her face, it was an interesting color. From what you could tell she was still a bit wary but curious nonetheless.

“See not so bad.” She grinned

You smiled at her, “I’ve been talking about myself nonstop, could you tell me a bit more about yourself?”

“Hmm maybe later. I think I’m finally ready to get some rest. Would you stay with me?”

“Of course.”

She began to curl into the bed, “Well Marcus, I hope you can be happy again one day. No matter who it’s with.” She murmured after a while. Soon after she fell asleep.

Oh my darling, you thought. You have no idea how much you’ve already changed me. You looked down at her and saw her bond slowly start to strengthen to yours.

Taglist: @adaydreamaway08 @artaxerxesthegreat @aunt-pipie @avyannadawn @imtoanonymousforyou @lacychick @minghao3o @quarthly @raindancer2004 @venusdelaroix @volturiwolf @xcastawayherosx @jelly-fishy-babie

#marcus volturi #marcus volturi imagine #marcus volturi x oc #twilight #breaking dawn #eclipse #new moon #twilight renaissance #twilight saga #twilightedit #the volturi #volturi supremacy #volturi #the volturi coven #volturi coven #volturi imagines #volturi imagine

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algumaideia · 2 years

Text

Aspec rep in Loveless

My attempt to write an organized post about the matter.

(I'm gonna fail, this post will be messy)

It is important to you, the person reading it, know that I'm a ace girl who is questioning if I'm aro. So, you know it is just my opinion. I also read half of the book with a headache, I didn't like it and I'm brand new to the ace community.

Edit: I discovered that I'm aro.

(Thinking about it now it all seems just like the bare minimmum.)

SPOILERS

@wint-er maybe you would like this post?

1. The character is not treated as broken, inhuman or something like that by the narrative

I don't think I need to add anything about it. But yeah, the narrative never treats the ace characters like that.

2. The way it dealt with aphobia

I really like how the book shows the different ways aphobia can look like. And besides Georgia's internalized aphobia, the characters that say, do something aphobic are always put as wrong or bad guys. It is framed as bad, disrespectful.

When it is about Georgia's internalized aphobia, the narrative is neutral about it. Which for me is fine, her journey is about her discovering she is aroace and accepting it. Since it is told by her pov, her internalized aphobia is not like called out for most of the book. But she gets better. So for me it is fine. Her development is about she understanding romatic love is not the only kind of important love, is not the happy ending to everyone and this is totally fine. People can be as happy without love.

3. Being aroace is not the character entire personality

Georgia is an akward shy teenager, but that is just because Alice Oseman likes to write akward shy teenagers and not because she is aroace. It is a story about Georgia discovering she is aroace, but she is never only aroace. She is shy, akward, doesn't know how to interact in conversations or talk to new people (I felt that), loves acting and Sheakspare, likes fanfic, etc. She is a character which brings me to the next point.

4. Good rep and being just a character

I think Alice Oseman books are in some ways similar to Studio Ghibli, in the same way she writes her books with rep in mind, Studio Ghibli made their movies with the goal to show girls also can be heroes. But in both cases I never felt like the rep aspect overshadowed the character. The characters are allowed to be their own selves, be unique, have journey, learn and not be the perfect rep that works for everyone.

Idk I have this problem that when it comes to female characters they like are a lot of times created with only representation in mind so like they end up so badly written. They have flaws, but no one never adress them and they have no consequences caused by their mistakes when they truly make a mistake, they have always been great, they don't learn anything knew, they don't grow, they were amazing in the begining and they continue amazing. Mulan 2020 is a good example of this, where is the character development?? There is none, Mulan started the movie having a great chi and being an amazing fighter and ended the movie like that. It was so horrible. They are just there to show: wow females can do this and this. And like they are not allowed to be well written characters that you know make mistakes because they are made to represent everysingle woman that existis.

Georgia, she is her own person, she makes mistakes and she grows. She is aroace rep? Yes. But she is a character before it.

5. There is no generalization of the aspec experience

I never felt like Georgia was meant to represent every single aspec person. It is her story. And not only that but there are other aspec characters!

We have another aroace girl.

A bisexual aromantic girl.

A homoromantic ace nonbinary folk.

Not only that but the book say that the asexual and aromantic spectrum are like huge and people that use the same label can feel things very differently.

A quote from the book:

'Some asexuals still enjoy having sex, for a whole variety of reason,' he continued. 'I think that's why a lot of people find it confusing. But some asexuals don't like sex at all, and some are just neutral about it. Some asexuals still feel romantic attracton to people - wanting to be in relationships, or even kiss people, for example. But others don't want romantic relationships at all. It's a big, big spectrum with a whole range of different feelings and experiences. And there's really no way to tell how one specific person feels, even it they openly describe themselfes as asexual.'

6. Steriotypes and being relatable

To be honest I don't know what are the aro steriotypes, cold hearted person? Anyway. The ace steriotypes I'm aware are that ace people are childlike, immature, naive, do not understand sex jokes, are oblivious, sex repulsed, traumatized. And I'm not here to say that is wrong if an ace person fits in those steriotypes. Far from me saying this. But it is just that although I think Georgia kinda fits in some of the ace steriotypes, she is allowed to be more. She is not only a girl that thought media was exaggerating in their portrayal of sexual attraction, she is more.

And there is no problem with Georgia fitting some steriotypes, really none. I just really like that she has a personality outside of it. And I think that this mix is what makes her relatable. Not everything she goes through will be relatable to everyone. But a lot of things hit close homes. It is not a check box of every single aspec experience. It is Georgia own journey, that has some general aspec experiences.

(This section makes no sense, but I swear I tried)

7. Friendship and queerplatonic relationships

I don't know much about queerplatonic relationships, but I know they are really important for a lot of aspec folks. I understanding it as what Aled said: Platonically falling in love with someone. So you have a platonic relationship with someone but in a way that most people associate with romantic relationship. (I don't know how to write, I'm sorry).

Georgia's journey ends with her understanding that platonic love is as important, as amazing, as fulfilling as romantic love. And it is also about her forming a queerplatonic relationship with her roomate. In the end of the book they declare their love for each other and they say how they're gonna be their person in the end.

And Georgia says how her true love were her friends. This book is about love and how romantic love is not the only option.(Congratulations for her because I cannot say I love you to anyone but my parents without feeling weird)

Something worthy to point out is that this book has a lack of cake, garlic bread and dragons. There is no jokes or anything.

This ended up worse than I thought it would.

Best regards,

Me.

Ps. If any aspec folk wants to add, comment or correct me, feel free. Non aspec people can also interact, but like no aphobia.

#loveless #alice oseman #ace #ace community #aspec community #ace character #aro character #aroace character #ace representation #aro representation #aspec representation

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catsandstrawberries · 3 years

Note

Hi do you take request ?If yes, can you do a platonic BTS x reader where reader is coming out to them ?

(I’m personally Bi , aro ,ace and non binary,but if you’d rather do something else it’s fine too!)

Sexual Identity Crisis

Pairing: 8th member x bts (platonic)

Word Count: 1.6k

A/N: I hope you don't mind but I made the reader bisexual and use she/them pronouns, I also made it platonic as in 8th member. Hope you like it! (this is unedited so sorry for grammer)

It was the little things that you first started to notice.

The way you would blush on stage during a performance when an army would call your name. The squeals for your attention no longer embarrassing or cute but stirring something deep within you. You never liked the idea of dating as an artist, too much drama, too many things, too many feelings.

But it wasn't until you were preparing for one of your solo songs, one of the noona artists your age fixing up your makeup, you started to notice. You started paying attention to the way some of the noona's would wear leggings that fit tight to their bodies, or how gentle their hands felt on you.

It only confused you more when you felt the same for guys. The harsh jawline, the big hands, thinking about it made you flush.

During interviews, as you sat next to your brothers, and tried not to seem as disinterested as you felt, they would ask you the question.

"Who is your ideal type?"

Images. Images of curvy bodies and plush skin, hard stomachs, gentle hands to caress your face, and thick fingers to ground you.

"I don't think I have a type." You respond with a smile. Deflect a few more questions, just as you deflected the feelings within.

Whenever you felt panicked you liked to make lists. You were good at that. A few things to take note of,

One: You might not be straight.

Then you met Shawn Mendes and Camilla Cabello and fuck you've never wanted to have a threesome so bad.

One: You're bisexual.

Then you had another jaw-dropping, mind-altering revelation.

It was caused by TikTok. BigHit thought it would be a great idea for BTS as a band to post a series of TikToks to help gain attraction and give content to the fans.

It was really fun.

Pulling pranks on the boys like cutting the power in Jungkooks room when he was playing video games or handing Jin salt instead of sugar for his coffee gained a huge following.

But on rainy days when you had no work to do (which rarely happened), instead of making videos, you would scroll through the app. It caused your heart to stutter, the users on the app who smirked and winked at the camera made you feel so nervous. As if someone would spot you and your secret would be revealed to the world.

But then your eyes would linger on a few guys. As the only girl in BTS oftentimes you were trademarked to be the girly girl, or on the extremist side of the gender spectrum. But you had always secretly wished to hold the same power your brothers did. Some days you hated the weight on your chest and wished your boobs could pop right off. You wanted to be like Jimin who was so fluid in his gender identity and wear tux's and give

smolders to the fans.

Two: Your pronouns were she/they.

Three: You need to tell your brothers.

Well, you didn't need to tell them. But you wanted to. As the youngest and declared golden maknae duo with Jungkook, they had practically raised you.

You love them.

You started small.

"Hey, Hoseok, have you seen (G)I-DLE's new music video, oh my god'?"

You were in the dance studio refining the black swan dance for an upcoming performance when you asked him. Taking a chug of water as you watched his reaction.

"Of course I did! They're trending right now, after I watched the teaser video I was hooked."

"Soojin looked hot." Fuck, you meant to bring it up more calmly but it comes out rushed in one breath.

You feel yourself flush but get back onto the dance floor, hoping that it will pass off as exhaustion.

"If you want to hang out with her, I'm sure PR won't have an issue with it," Jin comments from the side, and you just nod hoping to change the conversation.

The next time it happened, you and the boys were traveling in America to go on James Cordon's show. It was supposed to be a casual interview but nothing ever casual in America.

"So Jungkook, (y/n), you were at the Grammys a couple of weeks ago, right?"

You and jungkook both nod, and you get a strange pit in your stomach for being called out like that.

"Well, you both had such strong reactions to meeting them!" Oh shit oh shit oh shit.

"(y/n) Shawn Mendes is quite beautiful, isn't he?"

"I think a lot of people are beautiful, but he is very good looking." You wince as you feel Namjoons gaze burn into the back of your head.

"Interesting."

James continues asking questions to your brothers and delves into several female celebrities, and after what feels like forever, it's over.

Then you're in the car with Taehyung, Jin, and Jungkook and the maknae starts to mimic you.

"I think a lot of people are beautiful but Shawn Mendes is so cute oh I could look into his eyes forever-

"Shut up Kook!" and then you take a breath and mumble under your breath,

"Camilla is pretty too." Little did you know that Jungkook was too busy making kissy faces to hear you, but Jin and Taehyung definitely share a look.

The third time is when the band is having a dress rehearsal and the style is very edgy and the boys are dressed in jewelry and punk rock and eyeliner, but they want to put you in this white frilly dress even though you have to dance, and...and you just don't want it.

So when one of the Noonas isn't looking you grab one of Yoongis discarded outfits and put it on, a pair of black skinny jeans, a metal chain, and a white tea with a black suit blazer.

When you go to show the boys they don't make a fuss, and you hope no one notices it's not your original outfit. But then one of the noonas is bringing you the dress and you're casually walking away from her but she starts to shout,

"(y/n), isn't this your original outfit? Where did you find that?"

But then Jimin is throwing an arm around you and glancing you up and down, "Ugh, our little maknae is growing up, can she wear this instead noona?"

And the girl just huffs out a fine while Jimin pats your cheek lovingly, "I got your back."

But you never could have imagined telling them like this. You wanted to sit all of them down and pass around hot chocolate and have a revelation about your sexuality and gender status.

But no, nothing can ever go your way.

Hobi was introducing Becky G to the 7 of you in person. It was a few months after chicken noodle soup had come out and she had decided to stop in Korea for a break on her solo tour. Hobi thought it was only right for the rest of BTS to meet her since they had worked so well together.

It was the way she walked into the room with so much confidence, wearing whatever the hell she wanted, and glancing at you with a wink as she bowed and repeated the mantra she had been learning for weeks.

"Annyeonghaseyo, (y/n)!" Respond back to her, it's not that hard. Just say hello.

"I'm so fucking gay."

You could literally feel the temperature in the room change and even some of your security guards passed you a look.

Shit.

"Well not like, fully gay, I'm bisexual."

Why are you still talking!?

An awkward chuckle left your mouth as sets of eyes stared at you, and as if you couldn't make things any more uncomfortable, you added,

"I want to use she/they pronouns."

"(y/n), love, we aren't mad." You had just arrived back at the dorms and immediately sprinted for your room but Namjoon was hot on your heels.

"Got her." You squealed as Jungkook wrapped his arm around you and practically dragged you to the common area.

"So you swing both ways?" Jimin added nonchalantly both of his legs tossed over your lap, "that is the best way to live life, dear."

"Jimin! Not helping" Jin berated before taking a seat next to you on the couch,

"How long have you known?"

"I feel like, subconsciously I've known for a while, but I didn't really accept it until six months ago."

Jin winces at your words,

"did you think we would be mad? Six months is a long time."

"It must have been hard to keep that to yourself," Yoongi adds, rubbing a soft circle into your palm.

Namjoon sighs from the loveseat next to Tae, "Look, (y/n), you're our little sister, and we will never be mad at you for doing what you need to do to be comfortable in your own skin."

"We'll always support you, in fact, if you need any lady advice-" Tae's suggestive smirk is cut off by Hobi who smacks him on the back of the head.

"Now is not the time!?"

"Whether or not you want to go public with this information is up to you, but we'll need to talk to Bang PD if so." You nod at Namjoons words but thinking about going public makes your head spin.

"But Namjoon, if they don't want to, we can keep it our little secret, right?" Jimin's use of the pronoun causes you to shift your eyes to him, and before you know it you're attacking him in a hug.

Namjoon adds with a smile on his face,

"of course, whenever they're ready."

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moonlightserenadeeznutz · 3 years

Text

Harry Potter queer headcanons (pride day 3)

Golden trio era:

Harry Potter- Bisexual he/him

Cedric was of course his bi awakening, and judging by how he describes male characters in the books, he has a preference for men. Bit of a closeted femboy, doesn’t realise that he actually quite likes acting/looking feminine until he’s out of Hogwarts, and then you bet your ass you’re seeing him in a crop top and painted nails. And low key he totally painted his nails black during his Hogwarts years sometimes, especially fifth year emo Harry.

Ginny Weasley- Bisexual she/they

Ginny absolutely dated Luna in fourth/fifth year. This is canon no matter who you ship her with, whether it’s Luna or not, there is no universe in which they didn’t date at least once. Possibly genderfluid in that they fluctuate between feeling like a girl, feeling masc-presenting non-binary and feeling fem-presenting non-binary. I can see them wearing very masculine clothes, but also loving their long hair. Like please... Ginny wearing a suit with her long red hair, I think I just became even gayer.

Luna Lovegood- aro/ace, mtf trans (she/her)

I believe that during her relationship with Ginny, she realised that she only saw Ginny as purely platonic, and that’s what their relationship morphed into. I really do feel that Luna connects with people in a platonic way. Romance never meant much to her, and she never found herself being attracted to people either. But she forms such close bonds with certain people, whether it’s Ginny or Rolf (whom I also see as aro/ace). “But Luna has children!” Bro not all kids are biological. Adoption exists. I love the thought of Luna and Rolf’s platonic relationship, deciding to raise these twin boys together. Because can you IMAGINE?? Luna, the literal embodiment of fairycore, and Rolf Scamander- descendant of Newt Scamander- with his menagerie of creatures. Try and give me better sounding parents. I’ll wait.

And Luna is absolutely trans, and I feel like growing up she had a very supportive environment. Her mother treated her like a girl, and would spend ages brushing her long hair and putting flowers in it, and they’d wear matching flowery dresses together, and she spent the evenings with her father gazing at the constellations and learning about astrology until she decided to name herself Luna. All in all, she grew up in a very open household, so her identity never felt like anything she had to hide.

Dean Thomas- bisexual he/they demiboy

I just get he/they vibes from him. I feel like gender doesn’t really matter to him. He walked around Hogwarts with black nail varnish and rings and bracelets and he wasn’t afraid of trying on a skirt every now and again. I wouldn’t say they had much desire to be feminine, they just vibe around, wears what they want and feels like that they/them pronouns suit them as well. Bisexual, because I do think he liked Ginny (and honestly hear me out, I feel like he also had a crush on Luna. They had genuine chemistry in their few interactions). But ultimately he gets together with Seamus because OF COURSE HE DOES.

Seamus Finnigan- gay he/him

I feel like Seamus had quite a lot of internalised homophobia for a bit- I get the feeling that his mam may not have been fully accepting- but Dean would have helped him through it, and in the process Seamus fell head over heels in love with him. Not much else to say except height. difference. couple.

Neville Longbottom- pansexual he/they

I think Neville came to terms with his sexuality way after Hogwarts. It’s not that he had any internalised homophobia (because if you try and tell me that Neville Longbottom would be homophobic in any way I will steal your kneecaps) he was just deeply closeted. But eventually he realised that he just really liked people. Have a conversation with him about plants he’ll probably fall in love with you no matter what your gender is. Also get the impression that he’s rather disconnected from his male identity, so he feels comfortable being referred to as they/them as well as he/him (and actually prefers they/them).

Fred Weasley- aro/ace he/him

Sorry thirst tik tok, but I really get aro/ace vibes from Fred. I feel like his “attraction” to girls is more superficial, a joke really. Like, he’ll constantly joke about railing people but in reality he has no interest in it, nor does he have any interest in being romantic with anyone. Let’s be real, all Freds are aro/ace. I don’t make the rules, Scooby Doo does.

George Weasley- bicurious?? (He/him)

Idk I get the vibe that he will flirt with everything, and most of the time it’s serious. Like... he will make out with his guy friends.

Percy Weasley- bisexual trans ftm (he/him)

You cannot tell me that he and Oliver Wood weren’t in a relationship because they absolutely were and I can’t believe jkr’s heteronormative arse really went to the trouble of giving him a wife named Audrey (actually yes I can, that’s classic Rowling 🙄). And I’ve been obsessed with trans Percy for weeks now, like his coming out was very matter of fact, Molly took a little time to fully understand it, but all in all, his family were perfectly accepting. And Fred and George probably teased him for choosing the name Percival because oUT OF ALL THE NAMES.

Charlie Weasley- aro/ace he/they (non-binary)

Dragons.

Bill Weasley- omnisexual he/they

I got a lot of he/they hcs but f*ck you that’s why. You can’t honestly look at this mf and tell me that gender means shit to him. And he will flirt with everyone. Literally everyone. Red haired version of Captain Jack Harkness right here, I take no criticism.

Ron really out there being the only Weasley that isn’t queer, and even he’s walking on thin f*cking ice. I saw the way you thirsted over Victor Krum, Ronald. You can’t hide from me.

Draco Malfoy- bisexual he/him but ridiculously closeted

Like he never admits to himself that he’s bisexual as f*ck but sweetheart baby, we all read Chamber of Secrets. We know you talk about Harry to Lucius constantly. We have receipts. But how’s Narnia looking at the back of that closet, my love?

Blaise Zabini- aromantic nblm they/them xe/xem

Idk man I get secret god who’s actually a thousand years old vibes from them, and secret gods who are actually a thousand years old have no need for gender. And nor does anyone named Blaise tbh. I also get the impression that they really wanted to get railed by Draco. I have no evidence for this, I just feel it in my queer bones.

Pansy Parkinson- lesbian trans mtf (she/her)

Secret crush on Hermione, she really just wanted to sit with Hermione in the library and listen to her talk for hours about whatever book she was reading. And if she wasn’t a future death eater, Ginny probs would have made out with her, and both would have thoroughly enjoyed it. Also I need no explanation for her being trans, she just is.

Marauders era (oh boy here we go):

Remus Lupin- bisexual trans ftm he/him

I’m not going to explain this one bc I have an entire fanfiction dedicated to Remus being trans so... hey, read this fanfiction :)

Anyway, now that we’ve got that plug out the way BOY IS TRANS.

He’s also bisexual with a preference for guys, because... DO I NEED TO EXPLAIN. SIRIUS EXISTS. THIS WHOLE THING IS VERY SELF-EXPLANATORY LET’S MOVE ON.

Sirius Black- gay as all f*ck, genderfluid (he/she and sometimes they/them).

Sirius is just a very gender person. Like there’s a lot of gender there. And I relate. Like I’m just projecting here, like he identifies as a guy, but oh my god the euphoria from dressing like the opposite sex, and hhhhhhhh other pronouns and then just like,,,, like femme but masc but just aLL the gender and

I’m having a ✨mental breakdown✨ But the point is: gender. Sirius has it all. And the bastard better f*cking sHARE IT WITH THE REST OF US.

Oh yeah and he gay. But are we surprised?

James Potter- oh he bi as hell (he/him)

Literally just the embodiment of NSYNC’s Bye Bye Bye. Also, biggest ABBA fan in Hogwarts and I think that tells you all you need to know.

I’m kidding, liking ABBA doesn’t automatically make you gay//jk

Anyway, dude had a crush on Regulus. Speaking of which...

Regulus Black- agender they/them, maybe zey/zeir or something similar. I can see them using neopronouns. Sexuality: ??? Honestly, after growing up in the Black family with their hyperfocus on gender roles, especially on them after Sirius was disowned, I can imagine Reg just straight up rejecting gender altogether. As for zeir sexuality, I don’t think even zey knows, but one thing’s for certain, James Potter is HOT.

Marlene McKinnon- she/they butch lesbian

I feel like she went through the punk rock phase with Sirius, with spiked hair and fishnets and chain smoking, like her and Sirius just f*cking crushing gender norms, name a more iconic duo, I’ll wait. Definitely dated a lot of girls, but she had a crush on Dorcas from like day one, she was just very intimated.

Dorcas Meadows- feminine presenting nb (she/they) lesbian

I can’t explain why, I just get non-binary vibes from them, but they absolutely love the femme aesthetic. Dorcas also had a crush on Marlene since day one, but the two’s oblivious lesbian arses didn’t start dating until seventh year.

Lily Evans- pansexual (she/her possibly she/they)

Again, no explanation needed, she’s pansexual as f*ck and probs dated Marlene before dating James.

Xenophilius Lovegood- trans ftm (he/they)

I just get a lot of trans vibes from the Lovegoods, and can you imagine trans Luna being raised by her trans father who knows exactly what she’s going through and can support her completely because 🥺💞

Next gen

Albus Potter- gaaaaaaaaay (he/him)

God this kid is gay. He’s absolutely oblivious to the fact that he is until like fourth or fifth year but everyone around him is just like “when is he gonna come out bc we’ve been preparing our supportiveness for like TEN YEARS”. And Scorpius Malfoy is just absolutely flawless, Albus is WEAK.

Scorpius Malfoy- bisexual (he/they)

Scorpius is everything his father wasn’t able to be, like he is walking around Hogwarts, femboy as f*ck, he’s probably wearing a skirt, his nails are painted and they’re literally reenacting swan lake right now. Had a crush on Rose Weasley, but then was like “oh wait Albus is gorgeous and I’m drooling” so anyway they make out a lot.

James Potter- omnisexual (he/him)

Flirts with everyone. EVERYONE. I said Bill was like Jack Harkness? Nothing compared to James. He loves people, he loves everyone, he’s always dating. Had like three girlfriends and two boyfriends during Hogwarts. Smooth mf. Settled down with Alice though, because Neville had a kid named Alice, the epilogue can suck my dick.

Lily Luna- pansexual (she/they)

Basically like her namesake, and also no one in that family is straight I refuse. Harry, Ginny and their three kids are just so queer. One big queer family. It’s perfect and I’m obsessed.

Teddy Lupin- pansexual non-binary (they/them)

About as queer as you can get, non-binary of course, though also describes themself as a femboy, they wear a lot of skirts and fishnets and now I feel like the author of My Immortal writing that, but shut up they do, they have Damiano David vibes.

Victoire Weasley- trans mtf pansexual

Teddy and Victoire really just out there being the queerest most iconic couple. We stan t4t and let’s be real, Bill and Fleur were supportive as f*ck.

Extra characters:

Minerva McGonagall- trans mtf lesbian

Because please. We love our trans lesbians in this household and we also love McGonagall. Put the two together? Queen of my life. JK Rowling (derogatory 🤮) is absolutely sobbing on the floor right now :D

(Also low-key was dating Pomona Sprout)

Professor Sprout- trans mtf lesbian

YEAH THE T4T LESBIANS ARE ICONIC, WHAT’S NEW?? I’m going to make every character so damn trans that the author is going to sue me, and then the judge of the trial will agree that McGonagall and Sprout are iconic trans lesbians and will rule in my favour, and then i’ll get all of Rowling’s money and I’ll make her watch as I give every last penny to trans and queer charities and I’ll buy all my trans masc friends binders (and get one for myself bc pls), and I’ll pay for the surgeries of all my trans friends (but only if they want them of course bc not having surgery doesn’t make you any less trans 💞) and...

Well anyway, they’re gay.

Oh my god how did I forget Tonks- non-binary (all pronouns), bisexual

I mean this one is obvious, Nymphadora is literally their dead name, they are so genderqueer it’s ridiculous (I relate).

I may have missed out some people, so I might add more later, or other people can add their own headcanons (please do). And have a fantastic pride month! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

#harry potter #queer Harry Potter hc #Harry Potter pride month #hp headcanons #ginny weasley #remus lupin #golden trio #sirius black #marauders #hp next gen #lgbtq+

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quid-is-a-skam-stan · 3 years

Text

Just some thoughts! No harm meant!

I know this is an old discourse, but I have always found ace/aro exclusionists to be very very strange because most arguments rest on the idea that to be apart of the LGBTQIA+ community you must be oppressed, in pain or harassed in some way or another. This is strange to me because the LGBTQIA+ community is for people who do not fit the heteronormative idea of what gender and love is and can be, an umbrella that aro/ace’s fall under. If being oppressed is the standard for being allowed into the LGBTQIA+ community what is going to happen when all of us queers are accepted and no longer systematically discriminated against? Are we no longer apart of the LGBTQIA+ community? Of course not, because that’s not what our queerness relies on. Universally accepted or not, we are still apart of the LGBTQIA+ community. On top of that, the only reason that asexuals and aromantics are (seemingly) more accepted in society is because the bible never states (or is falsely interpreted to state) that not having romantic and/or sexual attraction is wrong, so therefore aro/ace’s have had less religious backlash against them. If the bible, however, had a verse condemning asexuality and aromanticism they would be just as oppressed and “othered” as the rest of the community. In fact, without religion, everyone else in the LGBTQIA+ community would also be (seemingly) more accepted in society, but that doesn’t take away their queerness. In fact, you will hear lots of stories from aro/ace’s about how confused they were, how they wondered if they were broken or cursed, how painful it was to realize they weren’t like everyone else, the shame that they felt because of it, how many people told them they would grow out of it or that it was not real. These experiences that you see them go through is not the result of a rogue group of people looking for attention, but rather what being queer looks like in a world with less religious condemnation. Still valid, still confusing, still queer. Our identity as members of the LGBTQIA+ community has never and will never rely on how much organized religion and society hates us and we should never decide who gets to be apart of the LGBTQIA+ community by that standard. We should never make people feel ashamed that they were not oppressed. We should never make people wish that they were more hurt so that their experiences and identity can be validated and accepted by those like them. The LGBTQIA+ community is for a community of people whose sexual, romantic and gender identity is different from what is considered the “norm” and this includes asexuals and aromantics. Thank you for reading! :3 <3

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elenajohansenreads · 3 years

Text

Books I Read in 2021

#84 - The Glittering Court, by Richelle Mead

Mount TBR: 70/100

Rating: 1/5 stars

What did I like about this? It was digestible. Having just come off a heavy, plodding, disappointing fantasy read, the easy YA tell-don't-show narrative style went down smooth like a slushie on a hot day.

And that's the best thing I can say about the whole book--it read fast and easy.

What didn't I like?

1. The fact that this touts itself as fantasy when it's not in the least bit fantastical. I don't require my fantasy to have magic or creatures or zombies or anything, but if you're going to call something "fantasy" it should at least be about fictional cultures that the author has invented. This is just England colonizing the Americas with the names changed. The only thing that could be said to be "fantasy" is that the population they're displacing in the process isn't an indigenous one, it was established by previous outcasts from their own country--though that wasn't clear to me until the first time we met them and they were white, blond, and used woad as decoration. So they're not supposed to be Native American analogues, they're supposed to be displaced Picts?

2. Either way, it's still racist and pro-colonization, because even if the Icori aren't meant to represent an indigenous people, they're still clearly Other, and constantly labeled as "savages" in order to justify taking their land, which all of our protagonists are participating in, in some form. Does it matter what color this fictional group of people is, if the narrative is parroting real history and real racism?

3. The second half of the plot feels, at best, tenuously related to the first half. The change in fortune for our protagonists that happens at the midpoint struck me as so flimsy and unbelievable that it was hard to take the rest of the book seriously, and that made it more obvious to me who the real villain was, despite whatever weak red herrings were planted along the way. Seriously--the first half of the story is The Bridgertons but the second turns into Little House on the Prairie. It's too big a genre shift to make the transition seem natural.

4. There were times when I was approaching a reasonable level of sympathy for our heroine, despite her many flaws, but every time the story had a chance to explore those flaws and perhaps let the character do some work on them...well, she just kept being headstrong and selfish and whiny, right up until the LHotP section where after a single pep talk from the hero, she's completely changed, resolved to her new station in life with a determination that seemed half-delusional and certainly out of character. She didn't work for it, so it didn't seem real.

5. I did not know, having picked up this book in isolation, that the rest of the "series" is actually the same time period from the perspective of one of the other girls, specifically the two best friends of the heroine. Now that I do know that, the giant blank spaces in this story where Mira and Tamsin constantly fall out of it without explanation--or with the pointedly obvious lampshade "it's not my business so I'm not going to ask"--make sense structurally. However, that doesn't mean I don't think it's a terrible flaw, because these holes are constant and irritating. For a while in the middle of the book, it felt like every time I turned two pages, the heroine was asking out loud, "Where's Mira?" And pretty quickly I knew that question wouldn't be answered in this book, so why keep asking?

6. I never found Cedric compelling enough a hero to justify the constant sacrifices that Adelaide made for him. I don't think he's a terrible character, and I enjoyed some of their banter and their occasional fights, but I'm also not about to add him to my book-boyfriend list, so it was hard to imagine myself, or anyone for that matter, doing as much for him as Adelaide did.

7. Religion. Woooo boy. I guess this part is the "fantasy" I was lamenting the lack of earlier, because if the accepted and heretic forms of this fictional religion are supposed to correspond to real-world counterparts, I didn't pick up on it with enough certainty to tell. But my problem is that it's suddenly a Very Big Deal that one character is a heretic, when religion had played such a small part in the story leading up to that revelation that I was mostly operating on the assumption that the main religion was socially performative, and that no one in the story was especially devout. Adelaide certainly doesn't seem to be. But since this heresy becomes central to the conflict later on, I wish it had been better established in the beginning, because (again) the second half of the book seems wildly different than the first, and this was another aspect that made it hard to take seriously.

8. Heteronormative AF. There's one token queer person who has a minor role, showing up just long enough for Adelaide to realize other women/cultures don't abide by her society's rigid norms and to feel briefly uncomfortable about it. But there's no follow-up, no depth, no opportunity for Adelaide to grow beyond what she's been taught. To some extent, I'm okay with that--not every story has room for fighting LGBT+ battles, and even more simply put, stories are allowed to be about other things. But parading just that one wlw character out for a moment, and making her a foreigner to reinforce her otherness, strikes me as a really poor choice if the story didn't actually want to fight that battle. Why bring it up at all? Especially as this is supposed to be fantasy, why couldn't the Glittering Court be an institution that provides marriage candidates to both men and women? If the candidate pool was both male and female, and so was the clientele, then many forms of queerness would be covered by it without having to dig into specifics about each character. (It doesn't directly address ace/aro people, but presumably they'd be less interested in a marriage mart anyway, on either side, and self-select out of it.) I mean, I know why, because that would mean that in the New World there would have to be women in positions of power who needed husbands (or wives, yes, but this wrinkle is about men.) And there's no shortage of men in the colonies, so that doesn't track logically the same way the actual setup does. But again, if this is supposed to be fantasy....

#booklr #book review #the glittering court #richelle mead #book photography #my photos #my reading challenges #mount tbr 2021

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snarkymonkeyprime · 3 years

Text

Xerynn doesn’t care for Jac’s inability to understand his place in the world.

Also, this was a prompt of “jealousy” from @magic-ramen after she’d had a shitty day (sorry it took so long, babe!) <3<3<3

Any other day, Xerynn likely would have ignored the news report. Besides, it was information he’d already been well aware of. He’d known the moment Lillian had died. And how. That her death was reported, however, was more of consequence.

Xerynn never did concern himself with being known. Given the fragile nature of mortals, they tended to make their own conclusions regarding why a defense attorney from Portland also appeared to be criminally connected and eerily similar to supposed paternal relations. However, that did not mean he enjoyed the attention. It was nothing to sway the minds of police but given the option, he would much rather not have to expend the energy to do so.

He scowled at the article on his laptop. And when that attention came from tools better used in other situations, he grew doubly irritated.

He tapped a button under his desk.

“Yes?”

“Ms. Lusk,” he began, “do contact Mr. Sayer and inform him he’s required at my office. Sooner rather than later,” he finished.

“Certainly, Mr. Warrgott.”

He sat back, tapping his index fingers against his lips. He would never have this kind of complication with Natalie. Nor Kai, bizarre as that was to admit. His brow furrowed. For as much of a mouth as that man had on him, he held enough sense to know not to cross Xerynn in a way that created impact. It was abundantly clear, however, that his latest acquisition had not yet come to that realization.

He lifted his chin, glancing toward the ornate doors of his office. Across Portland, he could sense Jac’s intention towards his office, proving that Natalie was once again prompt. The emotions there were the same as he’d felt the first day he’d noted the assassin; arrogance, confidence, desire, violence.

Initially, he’d found it amusing that Jac still wore the veil and refused to see Xerynn’s godhood. The idea that someone as steeped in blood and violence, who’s inclination rarely wavered from sadism, could refuse to believe in old, primal gods was charming in its way.

Now it was frustrating.

Less than half an hour later, Jac sauntered into his office, unbuttoning his peacoat as he moved. “You rang?”

“Sit.”

Jac paused, one eyebrow lifted. He smirked as he slipped out of his coat, turning to hang it on the coatrack near the door. “Uh, oh; someone’s in trouble,” he teased.

Not rising to the comment, he turned his laptop, aiming the article at Jac. “It appears that Ms. Rogers met with an accident last night.”

Jac didn’t look at the article, only kept his gaze with Xerynn’s, grinning all the while. “Aw, what a shame. She seemed awfully friendly with you the night before. My condolences.”

The laptop shut with a thud. “I do recall you seemed quite focused on her as well that night. Perhaps I should be extending the same,” he drawled. He steepled his fingers. “Shame indeed; she was quite useful.”

“Was she?” Jac shrugged. “She was a pop culture blogger; she was probably at the gala because she’d shagged someone more important.”

Xerynn smiled then, the air around them growing still as his power curled along the windows and the shuttered door. “That so?” He pushed back, rising. Jac’s eyes stayed on him but the smile had faded. Xerynn smoothed his suit coat and slowly moved out from behind his desk. He stopped within arm’s length of Jac, hands folded neatly before him. “Jac.” His power shifted, surging through the room, lights flickering around them. “Jac, Jac, Jac,” he chided.

The assassin’s brow furrowed but he stayed quiet.

Xerynn stepped close and lifted Jac’s chin. “I’d suggest marking your territory elsewhere in the future. Dare to piss on my property again and you’ll lack the ability to do so.” He let go and lifted his brows, the lamp behind him popping, the expensive porcelain shattering and tumbling to the floor. “Have we an accord?”

Jac craned around Xerynn, frowning at the broken lamp. “Guess they don’t make them like they used to, hm?”

Oh, I see. You believe you still retain control. Xerynn grinned then, lips drawing back, teeth bared. Before him, Jac tensed as he shifted back.

“If I deign to employ another, you will accept that.” His grin grew, reshaping his jaw as it widened. “If, by chance, you decide your opinion matters more?” He leaned down, teeth splitting from his jaw, razor-sharp and brilliant. His voice boomed through the room, pictures rattling against the wall, glass trophies sending shards tumbling to the floor.

“I’d advise you to retain said opinions unless I require them.” He read confusion in Jac’s eyes as the man obviously struggled to reconcile with Xerynn’s horrific appearance.

“She . . . was useless,” he managed, voice rough.

“Do recall that I required her there.” The skin around his jaw split farther, bone elongating, the rage of war twisting his visage into that of a charred dragon. Darkness crowded around them as he pulled Jac into his realm, drawing him into that same darkness he appeared to crave so much. “You insult me with your petty actions,” he stated, words hissing out with strings of fire and smoke.

Again, he read the discomfiture in Jac’s mortal eyes. The man wanted so badly to believe he retained all control. That he alone directed his life and path. That life and death were so neat and tidy in his blood-soaked world.

Xerynn laughed then, the sound a clash of stone and steel. “You are more the fool, Jac Sayer,” he warned. “Understand that I alone now own your soul. That I decide when you will move. When you will speak.” He leaned close, those hazel eyes muddy with desperate turmoil. “You are a tool, Mr. Sayer. You will stay sheathed until I decide.”

With a snap, the light returned and they were once more standing in his office, pictures hanging neatly, trophies gleaming under bright lights.

Jac blinked, frowning as he tried not to glance around. But even so, Xerynn heard his rapid heart. The swirl of thoughts as he tried to rationalize what he’d experienced.

Shame. You would be so much more useful without the veil. A failing, certainly. One that Xerynn hoped would correct itself sooner, rather than later. He could force the tearing of the veil but unfortunately, it often left mortals more useless given it tended to overwhelm their fragile minds. Jac’s was already poisoned enough of its own; no need to encourage further degradation.

He shifted in his chair, clearing his throat as he smoothed his shirt sleeves. “So. Done with my punishment?” he rasped.

Xerynn’s eyes narrowed. Still so haughty. Had it been Kai, he would have left it there and ordered him out. For all his insolence, Kai was by far the most accomplished Servitor he’d retained. He allowed the man a long lead. Jac, however, clearly needed more restraint.

“If I find that you have allowed your baser thoughts to interfere with my business again, our working relationship will be severed.”

Jac laughed then. “Oh, please. You’d never find anyone half as good as me.” He preened and winked at Xerynn. “I’m one-of-a-kind.”

Mortals and their egos. So trying. Xerynn didn’t rise to the comment. He watched as Jac removed a gun from a well-used under-arm holster, checking the clip and letting it hang loose from his hand. He tilted his head at the action. “Is that meant to frighten me?”

Jac’s amusement tempered, his mouth struggling to hold his cocky grin. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he purred, lifting the gun slightly.

Xerynn’s hand snapped out, grabbing Jac’s wrist and yanking the man to his feet, the gun falling with a thud to the floor in the process. “You think yourself untouchable?” he mused.

The assassin swallowed but continued his attempt of controlling the situation. “You wouldn’t have employed me otherwise,” he pointed out.

Xerynn tutted sharply. “You, my boy, are not the marvel you consider yourself.” He began to walk, pushing Jac back, the man struggling to keep his feet as Xerynn clasped his wrist. The bones beneath his fingers creaked and he knew, with a single additional squeeze, he could shatter that fragile framework. He could rid himself of Jac in a moment, reduce him to nothing but skin and organs.

But the man was useful. He was violent and effective. And there was no doubt the man was pleasurable to use. Recalling that, he shifted his grip to Jac’s neck as he slammed him into the door to his office. The sudden boom would likely require an apology gift for Ms. Lusk. A small matter.

He leaned in, whispering low, Jac’s pulse rapid and hot under his fingers. “You are unique, Mr. Sayer,” he began. “But there will always be another: stronger, faster, far more obedient.” He tightened his fingers, the air bubbling under his grip. “Do not encourage me to locate them.”

Xerynn straightened, careful to retain his grip on Jac’s throat. He recognized swirls of anger and arousal in the deep hazel. He smirked then, amused again that even near death, the man’s mind remained on its singular track.

Even as he struggled to remain conscious, Jac lifted his chin, smug as ever. “If you tried to get rid of me,” he forced out, “I’d only kill the idiot you wasted time on.”

It was almost amusing, in truth. That Jac thought himself so highly prized. Xerynn certainly hadn’t dissuaded him from the idea in the beginning; after all, he needed a confident assassin in his employ. To do otherwise would be asking to be questioned by authorities at every turn. But now it grew tiresome. Mortals and their afflictions had long been a bore for Xerynn. And he certainly didn’t need to deal with the jealous moods of a killer.

Xerynn didn’t smile. “And who is to say you would even be alive to attempt it?”

For the first time, he saw the assassin’s confidence slip. A shadow of uncertainty across his face. Enough to know the words hit home.

“Tell me, Jac,” Xerynn hissed, feeding his power outward. “What is it that you see?” He tightened his fingers around Jac’s throat, knowing he could crush the man in a breath if he wished. It would be simpler, to be fair. Jac was rapidly proving to be more trouble than he was worth. Yet, it was rare for Xerynn to find such an exquisite weapon amongst the mortals. He loathed washing his hands of such a find so quickly.

Jac’s swallow moved rigidly past his fingers. “A reliable client.” The words were barely there but Xerynn heard them all the same.

“Client.” Xerynn grinned. He caught a thread of doubt in Jac’s eyes, his power once more manifesting in that moment. His fingers brightened, gleaming like steel. Threads of crimson began to bead along Jac’s neck, dripping along paling skin.

“Oh, my dear boy,” he breathed, “I am so much more.” Skin split further under his bladed fingers, runnels of fluid warm and sticky against them. “I am what you crave. Without me, you are nothing.” He leaned in, licking Jac’s ear, catching the strain of his heart and air. “Were I to be undone, your very existence would lack purpose.” He pitched his voice lower. “Do not believe you know what I require. You will never kill without my direction. Do so again, and yours will be the last blood you feel through your fingers.”

The beat of the heart under his fingers slowed, growing sluggish. The blood was thicker now, leaving the man’s crisp, white shirt sodden and dark. He let go then, snapping his fingers.

Jac’s neck was whole again, his shirt unmarred. The assassin grabbed for his throat, eyes wide. He stared at Xerynn, once more struggling to understand.

Xerynn raised an eyebrow. “Have we an accord?” he asked again, voice low and cold.

The man swallowed and straightened, holding Xerynn’s gaze. “Understood,” he remarked, the arrogance long gone from his voice. He tugged on the collar of his shirt, a fine tremor on his fingers. “Anything more, Mr. Warrgott?”

Xerynn smirked then. He reached out and stroked Jac’s cheek, cupping his chin. “I have no targets for you as of now.” He swiped the warm, lower lip with his thumb. “Be at my home in one hour; I have a better use for you tonight.”

The cocky light returned and Jac opened his mouth, sucking Xerynn’s thumb in. “Of course, Mr. Warrgott,” he purred. “I’m at your disposal.”

“You would do well to remember that, Mr. Sayer.”

#hhnf #xerynn warrgott #jac priddy sayer #blood #violence #body horror

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gay-jesus-probably · 3 years

Note

Bisexuality didn't "feel right" as a label because you're biphobic and will do anything to distance yourself from bisexuality. Get well soon, the bi community will be here when you're ready.

Are you the raging homophobe anon back for round two or a new guy? ...It doesn’t really matter, you people are all the same.

If you are the same anon, then now I’m extra pissed off at you because do you have any idea how difficult it is to make fun of your messages? You’re making this really hard for me. First you send a five word ask declaring me a homophobe with no details, and it took a lot of thinking to come up with a vaguely funny response to such a lackluster prompt. You’re a really bad improv partner.

And now you send me this shit. Sorry everybody, no jokes today, now I’m actually just fucking furious.

Let me tell you a story, anon. When I was an innocent little twelve year old back in the far of reaches of 2011, I first discovered Tumblr, and soon enough I was learning about different genders and sexualities, and began exploring my own identity. As you already know since you’re sarcastically quoting me talking about my own fucking feelings, I’d been having a minor sexuality crisis for several years at that point, since gay, straight and bisexual were the only label I’d known before then, and none of them fit me. Despite me trying all of them. Multiple times. You condescending piece of shit.All this was resolved by me stumbling across a post defining pansexuality, and that being the first and only sexual identity that’s ever actually felt right for me. It clicked instantly, and has continued to be my sexuality for literally a decade now.

But back when I first started entering the queer community, pansexuality was actually pretty controversial. So was bisexuality. The two were just lumped together actually, because according to the exclusionists back then, bi/pan people are attracted to the opposite sex, and therefor are basically just straight. Actually they rarely cared enough to bother differentiating between bisexual and pansexual people, they just lumped us all in together as a bunch of heteros pretending to be gay for attention and oppressing the real gays. What a bunch of special fucking snowflakes, pretending to be gay for attention. So there I was, a twelve year old queer kid with a brand new identity, being welcomed by a bunch of exclusionists angrily yelling about how I was definitely just a hetero faking it for attention, and being pansexual was Wrong and Bad. But it was okay, because the exclusionists knew better than me. They knew how I really felt, and what my real identity was. They could fix me. I just had to agree with everything they said and become the person they decided I was supposed to be.

I didn’t do that.

Let’s jump forward a few years. I was older, and still perfectly confident in my identity as a pansexual. I hadn’t considered any other parts of my identity. Why would I? I just never really thought much about gender. Then shortly after my fourteenth birthday, I watched a short film online about a trans boy figuring out his identity and working up the courage to come out to his mother. I don’t remember what it was called or most of the details. All I remember was the last scene where the boy and his mother got into an argument about him not feminine enough, which ended with him screaming that he wasn’t a girl. And then I unexpectedly burst into tears because neither was I.

So that was a fun surprise. Once I pulled through that unexpected sobbing breakdown in the middle of the night and re-evaluated my entire life, I realized that yeah. I really wasn’t a girl. I wasn’t a boy either. Fortunately by then I knew that nonbinary people were a thing, so I had plenty of options. I spent awhile feeling things out and experimenting with different labels and pronouns before finally settling on agender and they/them pronouns. Which was great! I felt better than ever, and was confident that I had my identity down and everything would be fine. But everything was not fine. Because I’d been so happy about the biphobia dying down that I hadn’t quite noticed the exclusionists switching targets. Now the nonbinary people were lying. What a bunch of special fucking snowflakes, pretending to be queer for attention. The ones who wanted to medically transition were declared to actually be poor confused trans people who couldn’t get over their internalized transphobia to accept their True Identities. And the rest of us... well, we were just a bunch of cishet special snowflakes playing at being trans for attention, and oppressing the real trans people. I wasn’t agender. I was a cis girl making up fake identities for attention, and calling myself nonbinary was Wrong and Bad. But it was okay, because the exclusionists knew better than me. They knew how I really felt, and what my real identity was. They could fix me. I just had to agree with everything they said and become the person they decided I was supposed to be.

I didn’t do that.

Step forward a few more years, now to eighteen year old me. There’s no dramatic revelations or long struggles this time, just a slow realization. Because I’d been single for years, and I wasn’t bothered by that. I actually enjoyed it. Marriage didn’t sound very appealing. Neither did dating. I’d dated people before, but I wasn’t sure if I actually wanted to; it was just... the thing I was supposed to do. I found people attractive, sure. But I hadn’t wanted to flirt with anyone. Actually, now that I was thinking about it, had I ever felt romantically attracted to anyone? I didn’t even want romance in fiction! So I experimented. Went on some dates just in case age made it more appealing (it didn’t). Began calling myself aromantic, and was pleasantly surprised to find that the longer I used it, the better it felt. It was right.

But once again, the exclusionists were back and even angier than ever. Because now aphobia was in full swing. After all, asexuality wasn’t really queer. It’s just not having sex! It’s basically straight! What a bunch of special fucking snowflakes, pretending to be queer for attention. And the aromantics, oh the aromantics who weren’t asexual were even worse. Because everyone knows that love is what makes us human. How could someone not feel romance? Us aro people weren’t just lying about our identities, we were pretending to not have feelings so that we could get away with using people for sex without commitment. Being aro meant I was an abusive sex crazed monster taking advantage of all the poor innocent allo’s. I wasn’t aromantic. I was a sexual predator making up a fake identity to take advantage of people, and even though I wasn’t actually sleeping around calling myself aro was Bad and Wrong. But it was okay, because the exclusionists knew better than me. They knew how I really felt, and what my real identity was. They could fix me. I just had to agree with everything they said and become the person they decided I was supposed to be.

And I didn’t fucking do that.

Look. I’ve been here for a very long time, and I have dealt with so many versions of exclusionist bullshit. Every aspect of my identity has been met with random fucking strangers online smugly informing me that I was wrong about myself and they were right. And that’s just the ones that wanted me to pretend to be something else; about half of the exclusionists didn’t make any attempts at conversion therapy, and instead skipped straight to suicide baiting. I’m not even getting into the actual homophobes I’ve had to deal with, or the TERF’s that have come after me under the assumption that I’m a trans woman. My point is, I’m pretty fucking used to this sort of thing.

This just hurts a little more, because like I said earlier, the first round of exclusionism I faced was just expanded biphobia. And the bi/pan community banded together in the face of that. We weren’t the exact same identities, but we were being treated the same, and we were similar enough that nobody really minded the difference. It was wonderful. Bi and pan people were a tightly knit group, and that was a sense of community I desperately needed when I was young. I’ve been seeing this coming for awhile. There’s been increasing amounts of bi people getting drawn in by exclusionist bullshit, and I’ve seen anti-pansexual sentiment growing. I just... really hoped it wouldn’t get this far. It’s sad, y’know? It feels like losing an old friend. I’m really disappointed that you think trying to force people out of their community is right. It’s fucking pathetic, and I hope that someday you’ll rediscover basic compassion and realize how much damage you’re doing to yourself and others. This sort of thing doesn’t help the bisexual community. It drives people away. It’s like the damage that TERF’s have done to the lesbian community; this sort of thing poisons the whole well. I hope you re-evaluate what you’re doing and find a more healthy mindset.

...But also at the same time: Who the fuck do you think you are? Take your condescending bullshit and shove it directly up your ass you fucking waste of oxygen. How the fuck dare you. Do you realize the fucking audacity it takes to claim to know someone's identity better than they do? You self centered egotistical douchebag. Your parents should feel ashamed for having raised such an utter failure of a human being. I’d tell you to go fuck yourself, but I can already tell you beat off twice a day to how fucking clever you think you are. If you ever darken my inbox again you’d better be damn sure you keep it anonymous, because if I find you I’ll kick your fucking teeth in, you smug piece of shit.

#i spent like two hours on this lmaoooo #no regrets tho this is some damn fine writing

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aspiringhorrorauthor · 3 years

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hello, PLEASE tell me your aroace analysis of the black parade album, i would like to see it 👀👀

What up guys, I just passed a vet med practice exam and I’m aroace and emo as fuck so let’s do this

First off, I will preface that I know that this wasn’t quite MCR’s idea of the album, but art is interpretive and I will at every possible opportunity rub my grubby little aroace hands all over that shit. This is also gonna get long so here’s a read more

Okay so first off, let me just exclude the following songs from this interpretation simply because they are exactly as they appear: The End, Dead!, Welcome to the Black Parade, Sleep, Teenagers and Blood. I can’t find anything to really psychoanalyse in this regarding the aroace experience so much as they are about the emo experience. And also, as a heads up, I feel this may teter more into aromantic interpretation than asexual simply because that’s how I roll, baby.

Let’s start with ‘This Is How I Disappear’, there’s something in here that strikes me as ‘coming to terms with being aroace Very Badly’, that first onset of panic when you realise ‘oh crap, I’m not allo’. I didn’t have the ‘hell yeah no sexual/romantic attraction oh wait there’s a word for that?’ realisation often stated online, I was in a lot of denial, especially when I first started listening to this album.

The lines “And without you is how I disappear/and live my life alone forever now” really strikes this message to me. The gnawing sense of loneliness and isolation when you first realise that you’re not like everyone else, that ‘living a life alone’ is both what you want from life and dread, as an amatonormative society drills into every one of us that love and relationships is what makes us important in life, and without it we will simply disappear. The line hits home the pain of questioning, the horror of when you realise this is who you likely are before you can truly accept it. It’s not a pretty part of being aroace, it wasn’t for me, but it is an important one, and the lines always hit home to me in this era.

Added on to this is a sense of how we’re seen in media. Consider the line “Who walks among the famous living dead”. There’s a real push in amatonormativity that love and romance is what makes us human, what makes us alive, and without it, we’re not human. Therefore, by extension, the aromantic narrator is ‘not alive’ by these standards, nor is their community they’ve yet to find. This is also doubled down by the monster symbolism throughout the song; especially when I was younger, aromantic (and asexual) coded characters in media were always the bad guys, the monsters who could only be stopped by the unstoppable power of love; the narrator is lamenting how this part of themselves seems monstrous, evil to society, when really that isn’t true, and this evolves over the course of the album.

Let’s move on to The Sharpest Lives. This is less aroace specific, but it certainly seems like a downward spiral of the narrator, which carries on from the self-loathing of Disappear. There’s really only 1 line I want to talk about here: “Juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands/Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo”. This is an obvious allusion to Romeo and Juliet, but it turns on its head the usual story of Romeo and Juliet being in love; Juliet doesn’t love Romeo, she just loves the beat, and Romeo is taking it too far. This speaks to another experience, not exclusive to aromantics, but definitely strongly felt in it, when someone misinterprets the relationship or your feelings and tries to push for romance when all you wanted was a good time. I had an awful experience of this myself, so I’m claiming this one for the aroaces.

(As an aside, I got into MCR around the same time we did Romeo and Juliet at school, so imagine little me, not knowing she’s aroace and sick to death of talking about romance at school and hearing this line. To say I lost my shit was an understatement. I ADORE that line.)

Next up is ‘I Don’t Love You’. I’ve talked about this one before on my blog, but this is the song that really gives it away to me that this album is very strongly catered towards aroaces. “But it’s a break up song!” No, it’s not, if you look at it from the correct angle. Also I’ve gone to further lengths with other break up songs so try me bitches (See: Love Drunk by Boys Like Girls being about disregarding amatonormativity rather than breaking up with someone. It’s so damn obvious too)

Here’s the short of it: I Don’t Love You is actually about falling out with a friend because you had entirely different ideas as to what it was you wanted from your relationship. The aro narrator wants it to remain friends; they’re happy with where they are, and doesn’t want it to change. The other ‘person’ in the song is alloromantic, and wants it to become a romantic relationship. The most important line for this is the most important line in the song: “When you go, would you even turn to say, I don’t love you like I did yesterday”. Let’s focus on the word choice here: ‘Like I did yesterday’. When allos talk about love, they talk about the amount; if this was about falling out of love, it would reflect that, that the other person in the song loves them less, not differently. The narrator is lamenting that their friend no longer loves them as a friend; the friend’s view of love has changed, they love them romantically, and less as a friend as a result, and the narrator’s insistence on remaining friends has highlighted this.

What’s more, I don’t think this is the first time the narrator has gone through this. Admittedly, I misheard one of the lines for years and I insist the line is “Another time was just another blow” but I’m not American so we don’t have dollars, and this is about me and my interpretation of the album so we’re in this ride together and I’m driving so lets do this. The song is very pained, you can hear it in Gerard’s voice, and there’s so little about the pain of losing a friend, especially when they wanted romance from you, that this song really speaks to.

What really gets me though is how the narrator is clearly still struggling with being aroace too. Let’s consider the line “Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading”. The narrator clearly isn’t at ease with their identity yet; maybe they wish they could keep their friend, but their placing their boundaries down, even though its costing a friend. These boundaries are important, and its important for our friends to respect them too. And listening to, and singing along to, this song really makes me proud for the narrator in a sort of self-love kind of way when you couldn’t love yourself.

Final matter on this song: the narrator still thinks of them as a friend, which is tearing the narrator apart. Yes, the line “Don’t ever think I’ll make you try to stay” might make you think differently, but I believe that’s the narrator setting their boundaries; they’re not going to become an item just to please their friend and make them stay. Instead lets look at “Better get out while you can”. The narrator sees that their different views on the relationship is incompatible, and suggests they ‘fall out’ before their friend gets too caught up, and the rejection pains them both even more.

Now for House of Wolves. Not a long to say on this one, but I see it as being about media and ace exclusionists. See, the song flips between another character seeing the narrator as an angel and as a sinner simultaneously; just as how the media depicts asexual/aromatic/aroace people as non-human, that our sexuality (or lack thereof) makes us incomplete (the sinner aspect), while exclusionists say that we must be loved by the same media (and by religion too) for being aspec (the angel aspect). The song flip flops between them very rapidly, a state of confusion that felt very poignant for me when I was questioning in the height of the ace discourse.

Okay Mama is just here not for interpretation but because my English teacher once told us to analyse songs for her to mark as revision for exams and she loves long songs and kept making us analyse them so I analysed Mama and handed that in and got an A*. So Mama said AroAce rights that day.

Disenchanted is another strange one, filled with lines that mean more to aroace interpretation than the song itself. It spoke to me most when I was on my year out, having failed to get into uni despite good grades, still struggling with coming to terms with being aromantic, and dealing with severe anxiety. All in all, it was a year of disenchantment. It’s a good song. So what about an aroace interpretation?

The main thing about the song seems to be pretending to be someone you’re not. And really, when talking with family who expect you to be allo, how can you be anything but? I was told in this time that ‘Girls only go to university to find a husband’, which is many levels of wrong, but that thought always sticks in my head with this song. Moreover, I always think of break up songs with the line “You’re just a sad song, with nothing to say”, because they ARE just sad songs with nothing to say; and yet we’re expected to love them, because it’s a universal experience. There’s never been nothing to them.

But really, the line “I spent my high school career spit on and shoved to agree, so I can watch all my heroes sell a car on TV” is what really spoke to me. You spend school years being told that these people are sexy, you’ll want romance one day, and you have to agree or we’ll bully you mercilessly for it. The kids at school knew who was aroace before they knew what aroace meant. And we grow up watching heroes we relate to on TV, the fantastic loners who don’t need a significant other, only for fandom and the shows themselves to pair them up, make them “sell cars on tv” and sell out what made them special to us. And it hurts. And this song reflects that so well. In this song, the narrator is reflecting back on the years lost by hating themselves, slowly coming to terms with being aroace.

And finally, Famous Last Words. This is the real tipping point where the narrator feels comfortable with themselves, and finally confronts the friend from ‘I Don’t Love You’. The song is sung by one person, yes, but it feels like a dialogue between the friend, who still wants to hold a romantic relationship with the narrator, and the narrator who’s finally had enough. The introduction is from the friend, their thoughts on the narrator and how they know that they’re not going to win, but maybe they can make them feel bad for it “But where’s your heart?”, the friend is accusing the narrator of being heartless for being aromantic. But here’s the thing:

The narrator’s accepted who they are. “Well is it hard understanding? I’m incomplete.” The narrator accepts that they’re aroace, that to the friend, they are different, they don’t experience romance. The pain that they felt in the first few songs, of being the living dead and disappearing, makes them feel incomplete still, but they’re finally secure with being aroace enough to declare that, while they aren’t fully there yet, “I am not afraid to walk this world alone.” The narrator knows who they are, and they’re no longer afraid of it. Even when the friend tries to backpedal “Honey if you stay I’ll be forgiving” the narrator knows that the friend isn’t worth the pain anymore “Nothing you can say can stop me going home.”

That’s also why the lines about ‘love’ in this song are so important too. “A love that’s so demanding I can’t speak” “A love that’s so demanding, I get weak”. The narrator is explaining that, for them, romance is demanding; it’s not easy, and it’s not worth it for them, it’ll tire them out. The first quote can also speak of their friendship now; it’s so demanding, the narrator feels that if they stay, they may not be able to speak up for themselves any more. They have to friend break up, for both of their wellbeings.

And finally, the last verses “Awake and unafraid, asleep or dead” is the final attempt at kicking the narrator, harking back to “the famous living dead”. But the narrator refutes it by insisting that they’re not afraid to be alone anymore. And the song ends with the narrator winning, leaving the friend for good, for a better life.

And that’s the aroace interpretation of Black Parade.

And it’s 2200 words long fuck

#my chemical romance #the black parade #aroace #aromantic #asexual #You should've asked me why I can headcannon every video game character as aroace instead its shorter #Well all except the sims 2

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arokaladin · 3 years

Text

Can we talk about the pressure on people with less well known or ‘newer’ identities to represent *specifically* that identity and the shame that might come with questioning?

The idea of being an ‘ex-gay’ is something that’s considered to be pretty fringe, and would be mocked even by most decently educated straight people. But ‘detransitioner’ is a label that even queer cis people will use quite seriously (often incorrectly, aka to mean they used to identify as trans, rather than to mean they have medical transition regret, and in a way that adds further stigma to real trans experiences). And of course there are people whose entire personality is based in how they used to think they were asexual.

(I had to ask tiktok to stop showing me videos from this one girl who seems to be quite popular because most of her content from what I can tell is about how much she hated being ace and how she has all this supposed inside gossip about the ace community being cultish and lesbophobic because she ~used to be one~ but god. lets not get into that ok?)

All of this, along with the fact that ‘obscure’ labels are targeted even more by the ‘just a phase’ argument, even within the queer community, makes things so much harder for people who are re-questioning or even just using a different label under same umbrella. People can be hesitant to talk about their experiences out of fear of proving the stereotype. I think I’ve seen a few people touch on this. However the other effect is that when you are comfortable in a label with this kind of stigma, there’s pressure to be really loud about how comfortable you are, and constantly be reaffirming your identity to outsiders. You kind of have to be aro/enby/bi/whatever else before you get to be queer, because you feel a responsibility to be a role model for this specific part of yourself that is least represented.

Personally, I started this blog when I was what? 16? I was barely confident in my own aromanticism, still working on unlearning a lot of things, and was inspired to start posting here so I would have a space to vent and work through those feelings. I was always open about my age and the fact there were plenty of things I didn’t have answers for, but nevertheless I got absolutely tons of asks from people wanting advice. My community was so small that I was simultaneously a baby aro, and being cast in the role of community elder just because I was out of the questioning stage.

As well as an overwhelming number of people wanting advice, I also regularly got asks (and even direct messages) from people who were venting, a lot of the time obviously depressed, and often not even asking a question but just using me as a place to send negative feelings. It got so bad that a few times I had to make posts asking people asking people to stop. People did this to me because our community was so tiny and lacking visibility that some teen’s inbox was possibly all they had, and I was well aware of that.

I think in part this is why I started many projects within aro activism that I never continued with (aside from my executive dysfunction and the aforementioned fact I was 16). I felt like I had to be the one to bring certain resources into being, because most of the time nothing of the kind existed.

Nowadays I’m the least certain of my identities I’ve been since I originally questioned. I genuinely think I am still aro, but I’ve been pretty shaken up all round recently and it’s made me realise how upset I would feel if that did change (even though I still wish feel ashamed of my aroness sometimes and still fight the desire for a ‘normal’ amatonormative life) I’m honestly pretty terrified of losing community were my labels to change too much, even though logically I know my friends wouldn’t drop me if I turned out to be a slightly different kind of queer, let alone just a slightly different type of aspec. And I think this is probably in part because of how outwardly adamant I’ve had to be about my identity for years.

I guess it’s worth noting the role of the ‘Discourse’ in this: being constantly under attack has meant the aro and ace communities specifically have had to become pretty isolated. A lot of us don’t trust even other queer people, for good reason, and a lot of us again keep to even smaller subsets of the community to avoid other bigotries. And the way the internet is encourages the urge to divide yourself up and put the parts in boxes. But I think the pressures I’ve talked about would exist even without those factors.

I’m not sure if I have a conclusion to this, because I’m still thinking about it a lot. I’m not sure how we fix a problem like this because I’m not sure there’s technically any problem to fix. A lot of it is just the growing pains of a small community. I would like to start a dialogue, however. Does anyone else feel this way? How do we accept possible future re-questioning without telling ourselves this might be just a phase, or rolling back our progress accepting our aromanticism? How do we create spaces needed to vent, and discuss difficult topics, without burning each other out or creating a crab bucket? How do we vent about burnout without depicting the aro community as toxic? What do we do to fill the absences left by non-existent elders? I don’t know but maybe we can figure some things out.

#sorry that this is incoherent #im not rlly sure how to phrase all this in a way that isnt #mine #im also not sure what to tag #ah well

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romace-tea-cup · 3 years

Text

imagine being the daughter of bella and edward and your coven finds out about your relationship with felix part two

************************************

I got woken up by the beautiful sun shining on my window , i was in a happy mood for a second when i remembered what needed to be done for today . I then let out a heavy sigh and i got up , i did my bed and cleaned any left over mess i made the night before and i got in the shower and i took a quick but hygienic shower that left me smelling like baked christmas cookies and mint candy canes . I then got dressed for my outfit of the day , i made sure i was comfortable enough because i knew felix would be taking me to volterra in a private jet . After i was done getting dressed and did my hair and make up the last thing i needed to do is to pack my bathroom essentials and bring my phone and my phone charger , after i was done i looked around and noticed how empty the room felt with only my bed and my tv and some furniture left in my room . At this point some of my tears started to drip , i was afraid this was gonna end up bad , what if felix would fight them and he killed my dad like last time in italy ? What if my dad would kill felix ? What if my coven would disown me ? I started to shake out of it , i then grew enough balls and esme had prepared me some eggs and bacon , i smiled at her and pulled her into a tight hug and she just chuckled .

" Thank you esme , i love you so much you are the best of the best no one can top your cooking "

" oh sweetheart , i love seeing you in a good mood , you are never this sweet any special occasion ? "

" N-no , i just thought id show my gratitude towards you and thank you for being there since i was born esme , thank you for taking care of me , thank you for the love you have given me since birth , you really are like a second mom and i would never trade it for anything in the entire world and im thankful i have hou by my side no matter what "

" Oh sweet heart , i love you as if you were my own , i love watching you grow into the amazing lady you are now , and im sure you will keep being the lovable lady you are "

I then nodded and we were talking while i was eating , after i was done i gave her a kiss on the cheek and she gave me one as well it felt like i was saying my goodbye to her which was true because i don't know when ill see her again or if ill even see her , i then did the rest with my family . I saw nessie and she was trying to braid her hair but she was unable , so i stepped in and i braided it for her .

" Let me see "

" Thank you y/n "

" It's no problem nessie , so how is your life with jacob ? Any problems ? "

" My life is amazing , Jacob is the sweetest to me and he cares for me allot , im grateful i have him "

" Well im glad he is treating you like the little princess you are . I hope you know ill always be your sister no matter what , ill always be available when you need me , and no matter what happens ill still love you and i hope you will to little sister . "

" I love you more big sis , and we will always have the same bond because we were in mommies belly , even though you are full vampire and you grew up faster than me and i still look 8 we will never be separated no matter what "

" Well im glad you think so , like it ? "

" i love it ! , thanks sis ! "

" No problem nugget "

We hugged each other and i placed a kiss in her forehead and now i headed to spend time with uncle jasper , he was watching tv and i just sat down next to him .

" Hey uncle jasper "

" What's up ? "

" Nothing much , just thought i would spend some quality time with my favorite historian person "

" Psh im more than a historian "

" Yeah ? Like what ? "

" a great uncle , you can't deny it "

" Yeah of course not , So how are you and aunt alice ? "

" We are doing great , i keep falling in love with her more after each day that passes "

" Well im glad to hear that heh "

" I was meaning to ask you , about what jacob said yesterday , you know you can trust me , did it really happen y/n ? "

I knew i could trust him

" Well yes it did , with another vampire uncle , just don't tell anyone or jacob "

" I won't , so who is the guy ? Do we know him ? "

" I guess you will have to wait and see "

YES YOU DO KNOW HIM IN FACT YOU ARE ABOUT TO MEET HIM AND YOU WILL PROBABLY DISOWN ME BUT ITS LOVE WHAT CAN I SAY !

We spent time together with him telling me his battle stories and i hugged him and headed out to spend time with uncle emmett , he was as usual working out so i changed into my sport clothes and headed out to see him and give him one last work out buddy bonding before i headed out .

" Hey uncle em you ready for a race "

" psh game on "

We ran three miles around the woods and he ended up beating me as usual .

" I won "

" Yeah Yeah stop showing off it was luck "

" Wanna lift next ? "

" Oh you are on ! "

We started lifting and i won this time and he started chuckling , we then went out hunting as usual and he catches a bear while i ate a deer and we headed back to the house honestly im thankful vampires don't sweat . Next up i went to spend time with aunt rosalie and aunt alice , they are usually together but first i gave uncle emmett a hug and then headed off , they were in Rosalie's room .

" Hey aunties , can i come in "

" Sure y/n me and alice were discussing what we are gonna wear for the upcoming ball "

" Ball ? What ball ? "

" The volturi will be hosting a ball in new years eve , we are invited and we were gonna go shopping for dresses next Friday ? "

" Oh um ill go some time another day aunt rosie , in fact i came here to spend time together with both of yall "

" Well why dint you say so !? I just learned new make up tips i wanna show you ! "

" And ill show you how to style your hair y/n "

" sure guys feel free to show me "

They showed me new make up tips and how to style my hair and honestly i appreciate it because i learned how to style my hair better and how to glam myself up for this upcoming ball i never even hared off yet . Now i headed to spend time with mom and dad , he was playing the piano while my mom was reading a book in her room in the couch , my dad purchased him a piano in his room .

" Hey mom and dad , can i come in ? "

" Hey y/n yeah sure "

" Thanks mom , so what are you guy's doing ?

" Im practicing a new song i learned wanna hear it ? "

" Sure thing dad "

He started playing a song and i honestly loved it and i gave him a hug after he ended the song , then me and my mom were talking and we bonded real good . i hugged them both before i confronted jacob about what happened yesterday .

" Hey jake um do you have a moment ? "

" Sure "

" I wanted to apologize over um yesterday , i know i can be a bitch sometimes but i just get annoyed quickly "

" You and apologies ? You feeling well y/n ? "

" Yes jake , i just thought it was right if i apologized to you "

" Well apology accepted "

" Thanks , and thank you for making my little sister happy , i hope you continue to love her as much as you love her right now "

" I will of course , now im heading out to have a meeting with sam , but thanks for the apology , ill be back before 6 "

" Thanks and good luck "

Now it was time to spend time with the last cullen carlisle , he was in his doctors office in the house and i just knocked .

" Hey Carlisle , can i come in ? "

" Of course y/n you are always welcomed "

" So what are you doing huh ? "

" Just doing some research for the upcoming ball "

" So you and aro were friends huh ? How was that ? "

" He can be a bit power hungry but i know he is a great guy "

" What about the guards ? "

" They were fine , i got along with everyone , alec and jane were just chilling but the guards i spent time with were Jane , Alec , Demetri , and Felix . "

" and how was felix ? "

He then looked at me and i started to panic

SHIT ! SHIT ! WHY DID I ASK THAT ?

" He was a great guy , he is the most strong vampire in the world and everyone fears him , im sure you are dreaded to meet him , you and felix were meant to be you know ? "

Wait a second ... He knows about us ?

" Wha- what do you mean ? "

" Well i know you both are mates and you have been seeing each other and that today is your last day here before you head to volterra with him "

" How did you - "

" know? Aro told me , but the rest of the coven does not know because its not my place to tell them , its yours . I have spotted yall both hugging and kissing , i also noticed that you packed your bags yesterday and today , not to mention i knew thag whatever jacob was talking about was true "

I then started to have a faint blush .

" Yeah uh about that i can explain ! "

" No need to , that is a natural thing with mates , and felix will do anything in his power to see you happy , trust me i know him longer than you "

" I guess you are right "

Then a loud voice caught me and Carlisle attention

" WHY ARE YOU HERE !? "

We both rushed to the living room and then i saw him , well all of them exactly ! I thought it was only gonna be felix but i was wrong ! It was the four guards !

" We came here to collect y/n "

Jane spoke and the tension was high as fuck

" My daughter will not be collected without a reason ! "

" y/n is felix' s mate , they have been seeing each other for quite a while , now it is set for her to leave this coven and join us "

Alec spoke and i felt like i was about to have a panic attack .

" Y/n what is he talking about ?! "

" Mom i ... "

" So what jacob said last night was correct ? You slept with this murderer ! "

My dad shouted and then felix growled and speed next to My side protecting me and he stepped infront of my dad .

" And if we had sex what is the problem ? She is my mate and i have every right to please her in bed and have the right to touch her if i wanted to and whenever i want to "

" So that's why you been acting all weird huh ? You knew this was gonna happen "

My aunt rosalie stated and carlisle put a hand over her and let out a sigh and my dad then knew then and there that he knew .

" So you knew all along !? You were her partner in crime and you backed her up with this relationship ! "

" It was not my place to say something edward , this is y/n's and felix's business "

" Mia tesoro please grab your bags , its time to head out "

I just simply nod but alice and my mom hold my wrists

" No ! You can't go ! You cant be part of there coven y/n ! "

Jane then uses her power on alice and she falls in pain but bella uses her shield on her so she is able to get over it and i quickly head for my bags and i have my mini back pack .

" Jasper you also knew about this and you dis not bother to say one word about it !? "

My dad shouted

" I just found out today edward "

" So what i smelled was true , you guys were riding like it was the best time of your life and if your life depended on it y/n "

Felix and demetri then chuckled but my dad and mom shouted at him .

" Jake ! Stop ! "

" As much as i am delighted to see this controversy we need to go master caius would be very upset if we arrived late "

Jane said and i just headed out and felix put a hand over me while my family watched me leave with sadness in their face , i let a few tears slip here and there but felix grabbed my face in his huge ones and wiped my tears away with his thumb .

" Amore mio, per favore non piangere, non sopporto di vedere quei tuoi bellissimi occhi piangere. Ti amano e lo supereranno amore mio, per favore sorridi perché quando piangi mi sento come se stessi crollando. "

Translation

" My love , please do not cry , i cant stand to see those beautiful eyes of yours cry . They love you and will get over it my love , please smile because when you cry i feel like i am crumbeling down. "

" Vorrei solo che questo potesse essere diverso amore mio, spero davvero che trovino nel loro cuore per rinunciare a me e per essere felici per noi.

Translation

" I just wish this could have been different my love , I really hope they find it in their heart to foregive me and to be happy for us . "

" They will my love they love you and they will accept us if it means they see you happy "

" Thank you my love , your everything i need right now "

We hugged and he placed a kiss on my mouth and i kisses back with gratitude .

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Hoped yall liked it ! Ill be posting the next one tommorow ! Question of the day ! ( If u can answer ) what was your favorite bonding experience with a cullen ? Follow me on wattpad and give it a like and follow if you wanna see more ff of felix ! 💞

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Username : yunnoitwasshorty

Name : romacetea

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odannygirl7 · 4 years

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Carnival of Aros - July 2020

I've been meaning to type about this for a while, but then this month's carnival of aros is about music, so I figured... well, two birds one stone I suppose lol.

Musicals are sort of like music right? I mean, I don’t think this is too far from the idea, even if it was meant to be about, like, individual songs.

This is about a whole musical where I just immediately felt that it was a missed aromantic opportunity.

Company.

Company is a musical by Sondheim from the 70s that seems to be brought back every decade or so. It’s about a guy, Bobby, on the night of his 35th birthday. He’s a bachelor, the only one among a bevy of married friends - all of whom wonder why he can’t keep a girl and hasn’t gotten married yet. The show moves through snippets of Bobby’s experiences with his friends… they’re all basically trapped between the horribleness of being married and the horribleness of, well, not. They love Bobby for his freedom, for the advice he gives, for the fun he brings into their life, for watching their kids, for always being there without being a detriment to their coupleness.

But the entire play is them badgering him about why he isn’t getting married.

There’s also three of Bobby’s girlfriends who wonder the same thing, what’s wrong with him, why can’t he commit.

One could also view it as Bobby internalizing everything his friends and lovers have said in the past and having a freak out about it. The whole show is kinda… disjointed in that, while it takes place all on one night, the majority of scenes are from the past or possibly not real.

The show is set up, for most people, to be a commentary about, idk, like growing up or realizing that you can’t be alone or you gotta be open and vulnerable, but like you need to share your life with someone and that someone… uhh, can’t be your friends cause they all have their significant others and that’s the way things are (*hard side eye* lmao). And that’s a real shame, because the show is this wonderfully accidental portrait of a closeted aromantic struggling not only with the pressure of the conventional relationship narrative, but with friends who buy into that. Bobby doesn’t know what he is, or can’t accept it, or can’t admit it, and he’s struggling to force himself to feel the things that come so naturally to everyone he knows. He wants love, to be loved, but what’s in him, what he’s capable of, isn’t what everyone else has. I mean, look, he’s 35 and has never been in love, doesn’t understand love… *looks into the camera like I’m on The Office* come on.

I’m not going to go through the whole show, just hit on some highlights that scream aromantic to me, cause not all the songs are about Bobby’s relationships. Some are about the other character’s relationships. There’s 18 songs in this musical, lots of material.

Here’s a link to the whole thing … this is the 2006 version with Raul Esparza, who is fantastic.

We’ll start in Act 1 and go from there. About halfway through we get Bobby’s three girlfriends singing “You Could Drive a Person Crazy". This is an upbeat, vicious song about how they feel betrayed that he never takes things to the next level. They can understand if he was gay, or bad in bed, or actually dead… but Bobby is none of those things, instead he’s a crazy, troubled, person who has something wrong with him. He’s a zombie with a loose connection.

I don’t think I’m the only aro who’s been called similar.

Later Bobby sings about someone (“Someone is Waiting”)… an amalgamation of all his lady friends… pleading for this person to wait, because he’s ready. He wants to find them, if he’s not out of luck and too late. He already has what he’s looking for, theoretically… if only an alternative relationship structure existed. As is, he has to try and find someone new. Conform to the idea of the superiority and inevitability of the exclusive pair bonded romantic-sexual relationship.

When one of his friends is freaking out about getting married, close to calling off the wedding, he proposes to her. Because it makes sense. She doesn’t want to be married, he doesn’t want to be married, they can both be married and have their freedom, everyone will leave them alone.

“You have to want to marry somebody, not just some body,” says Bobby’s friend, deciding that she really does want to marry her fiance.

This leads to Bobby singing “Marry Me A Little”, imagining a marriage as being soft and respectful, no big fights, no big promises… and that he’s ready for that. Things like mutual respect and care. “We won’t have to give up a thing, we’ll stay who we are,” he sings. “I’m ready now.”

There comes a point as an aro (tho this applies to aces and people of any orientation who don’t really want a relationship as well), or for, I think, a lot, or a good number, of aros when you start looking at a future that doesn’t have the spouse and the kids and pets and picket fence. When you start to come to grips that you might be looking at an empty road instead. And it’s not necessarily that you don’t want that, or that you really want something else, but there’s a kinda scary point where you realize that it might just be you, alone. That no matter what friends you have or partners or whatever… that they’re eventually going to want to “get serious” and “have their own lives”, lives that don't include you as a main component. And “somebody”, anybody, that will make it so you’re not alone starts sounding pretty good. You’re almost desperate for it. If you could just find that right person, the one that would make it make sense to have the spouse and kids and pets and picket fence… you could do that. You could. It’d be so easy. And then you’d have someone and isn’t that what everyone wants?

Anyway… Act 2.

All the married couples sing about how much they love having Bobby around in "Side by Side by Side". But then also rag on him about how worried they are for him being alone and try to set him up ("Poor Baby" and "Have I Got A Girl for You"), which is par for the course I think for an aro.

There’s also “Barcelona”, where Bobby makes a vague, surface, “going through the motions” plea to one of his girlfriends that she should stay after they’ve slept together. He doesn’t try very hard and when she decides to stay, well he sings “oh god”. ‘Nuff said.

All of that is, you know, it builds, but the real highlight in Act 2 is “Being Alive”, which is where Bobby finally learns that he really does need someone.

Or, you know, when he’s been beaten down by life and his friends and partners so badly and so thoroughly that he decides that he’s not even alive if he’s alone. That he needs another person to make him alive. “Alone is alone, not alive.” Tragic.

He starts off with things like being held too close and hurt too deep, to which his friends comment about how he can’t possibly think that that’s all there is, telling him he has no reason to be alone, encouraging him to keep going cause he’s “on to something”.

Bobby’s seen the terrible bits of their marriages and, to his friends, also the good bits. But if you read Bobby as aromantic then he has no context for the “good bits”. He’s watched them dig at one another with secret info, argue, pester, have the other person say they hate it… and then it’s just fine, because of ~feelings~??? Incomprehensible magic. There’s a trick in there somewhere and Bobby can’t see it.

But Bobby’s trying. Forcing himself. If he just really thinks about everything they’ve told him...

“Hey, buddy, don't be afraid it won't be perfect. The only thing to be afraid of really is that it won't be,” says one friend. Yikes. “It's much better living it than looking at it, Robert,” says another. And I suppose if you do have feelings for someone, it’s not that bad.

Bobby finally… it’s sad, really… like I know it’s supposed to be a song of him figuring everything out, but it feels like a descent. He’s given in. He believes there’s literally nothing for him, he’s not living, unless he has another person. “make me aware of being alive” “make me alive”

Horrific.

I’m not entirely sure how, like if this show were to be reworked with Bobby as aromantic (and god knows it gets revived enough, it could happen if anyone knew what aromanticity was) how that would be communicated. Unless, like, you had Bobby admitting that he is aro from the start, but you’d have to assume that the audience would know what that was and actually, you know, not agree with all the other characters.

The latest revival in 2018 did a gender swap with Bobby, which is something. Now, I had thought it was just Bobby as the swap, but they swapped all her girlfriends into boyfriends and then made one of the married couples gay. Apparently, according to reviews, the whole thing was a revelation and really freshened up because, you know, it’s super hip and modern to do a “ticking bio clock” story line with a woman nowadays. (there's also the soundtrack to the gender swap on youtube, it's got Pattie LuPone in it!)

Personally, I would have just swapped Bobby… I’m not sure how well an aro reading there would play, not because there aren’t aro lesbians, but I feel like there are a lot of layers to a lesbian not wanting to u-haul and then getting harangued for it by her presumably hetero friends steeped in hetero society, just aside from any aromanticity.

But the whole thing takes on a very tragic tone when reading Bobby as aro, I think. I suppose what’s even more tragic is that Sondheim probably has no idea that he possibly wrote an aromantic character. He thinks he wrote a show about fixing someone who was broken. Just like the show Bones fixed Bones from being broken and how HIMYM fixed Robin and (tried to fix) Barney. I need to find a better way to end this, probably, we’ll see…

I wrote this three weeks ago on pillowfort and did not find a better ending lmao.

#carnival of aros #aromantic

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like-rain-or-confetti · 5 years

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Request: Coming Out (Jane Volturi x female!Reader )

You lightly put a hand on Alec's shoulder leaning up to his ear, on the tip of your toes. Alec turned his head slightly, his eyes shifting to you. "Can I speak to you in private later?" You whispered and Alec nodded. "Thanks." You stepped away and carried on as usual and looking for his twin sister, Jane. You had given up a lot to be with Jane. You were a missing person, having ran away to be with her and ultimately leaving your older sister Bella and your father behind. Bella and the Cullen's caught on quickly what had happened and Bella had almost disowned you for forcing her to lie to Charlie that she didn't know where you were. To watch him in so much pain and knowing Bella could fix it but shouldn't, it was awful. You felt sympathy but she eventually came to realise that you'd have been forced to do the same thing for her.

When you came to Italy, you weren't actually exclusive to Jane. As a matter of fact neither of you really understood the connection you had with one another since you barely spoke to each other but couldn't be apart. Then it seemed that Aro spoke to Jane about you and ever since she seemed to actively avoid you, just as the ice between you both seemed to be breaking.

It had been two weeks of Jane avoiding you but her gaze always lingering on you. You wanted to ask her what you had done wrong but she wouldn't really speak to you and was always dismissive of what you had to say. Then you noticed you had been walking in on Jane's talks with Aro...a lot and he too soon began to pin pointed gazes between both you and Jane as though urging something to happen with his mind alone. What exactly you didn't know.

It really took a turn when you entered the throne room and Aro immediately wanted to take your hand after his quick greeting. He seemed to concentrate hard, eyes fixed on your hand enclosed in his. Aro then chuckled but gave no explanation as to why and casting a knowing glance to Marcus who simply returned Aro's gaze. It made you nervous, Jane being in the room, her eyes pinned on you only made it worse, a strange fluttering sensation in your chest. You didn't understand why. "You do not need to fear it, my dear." Aro's words tore you from the thought as you looked at him with confusion again. He chuckled as he released your hand. "I...I don't understand what you mean, sir." You said quietly. "You do." He smiled knowingly. "You'll do well to admit it sooner than later, my dear." "Sir, with all due respect I really don't know what you're talking about." "Well, if I may, it is very apparent from your thoughts that you...favour female over men in romantic terms." Aro seemed to be choosing his words carefully and it took you a moment to catch up and realise he was trying to be as appropriate and gentle as he could. Then it hit you what he was trying to say. "Wait..." You shook your head, a lump forming in your throat. "I'm not...I don't- no. You're wrong." Tears were quick to rise but you refused to let them fall. Aro didn't seem surprised, instead prepared to attempt to settle you. "I mean no harm. You need not upset yourself so." "Y-you're wrong." Your throat was almost closed, breathing beginning to grow slightly erratic. "My dear, we do not need to speak of this any further." "Sir, that can't be right. You've misunderstood. You must have. I'm not-" You could only deny it. "(Y/N)." Aro took your shoulders making you look at him. "Calm yourself. I've seen your thoughts. I am not wrong." His voice was soothing but also had no room for argument. You couldn't push him any further and you honestly felt you couldn't push yourself to fight him either. You were quiet for a moment. "May I be excused?" You asked quietly, with a slight tremble. "Of course." Aro turned you towards the door moving you forward with his hand with a gentle touch. When you were gone, Aro looked to Jane who had no expression. "Don't be disheartened, my dear. Be patient." Jane gave him no response, her lack of expression not cracking in the slightest.

Aro called you to his office that night. You had calmed down but your judgement hadn't changed. You had a lot of questions about yourself, sexuality included but you weren’t ready for such a conclusion. You couldn’t be attracted to girls. Surely it was just a misunderstanding and there was a simple explanation. You thought of how you felt around Jane and the previous boyfriend’s who just never worked out. You thought you were too young to have understood what it took but that didn’t explain the issues when you got older. Relationships never worked with guys yet you didn’t dare think of girls. There was a tiny piece of you that you denied within yourself that you found girls very alluring. Yet still you refused to believe Aro. It had to be a mistake. “I apologise if my statement was too much for you, my dear.” “It wasn’t. It was just wrong.” Aro leaned forward, clasping his hands on his desk, eyes staring into yours. “Why do you think I’m wrong?” “Because I can’t be. There has to be some other explanation.” “My dear, I sincerely believe you’re in denial. I say this because you aren’t denying you feel something. Actually that you do but don’t understand it quite yet. I say this because when I took your hand, you feel the same way as I do about females. I have a female mate. You are female and feel the same way as I did when romantically involved with females.” You felt the lump in your throat again. “Let me be clear, I’m old but not oblivious. Neither are my brothers. Times are changing around us and so we must adapt. Quite frankly, we’ve seen many things to fear and same sex relationships aren’t one of them. You feel this way and that is okay. This is who you are. It’s why you feel so strongly for our dear Jane for instance. It saddens me that I know you know this about yourself and you want to ignore it and it makes you were unhappy at times.” Aro watched as your mouth twisted, jaw quivering and eyes filled with tears. After a moment he held out his hand, a silent offer. You knew immediately what the action was. It was an offer of comfort but also an act to understand your feelings at that moment. After a moment you took it, taking deep breaths to counter the growing sobs. He slowly nodded responding to a statement you never said. “I know.” He whispered to you. “I’ll tell you something else. It was a shock for Jane too. She is from a different era where this wasn’t acceptable and never spoken of. I had to tell her the same a few weeks ago. She’s slowly coming to terms with it… And you will too.” Aro assured you.

It had always surprised you just how supportive Aro had been. It wasn’t like him. You could only assume it was for Jane more than anybody. To keep her loyal to him perhaps. Regardless, in the end, he didn’t just out you but Jane too. He caught himself before he confessed that Jane had very strong feelings for you. Backtracking and immediately telling you that ‘was for both you and Jane to find out for yourselves’.

When you and Jane shared your first kiss, Aro was smug. He might as well have said 'i told you so’. Caius’ reaction was priceless. He wanted to know when you and Jane became so close to begin with. Aro seemed to have not updated him since Caius’ jaw hit the floor.

The two of you had rushed away for some privacy, the guards in swarms, large swarms. The Volturi always had some form of get-together every so often, allowing the ranks to mingle. You’d describe it as a work night out if you had to compare it. Though the two of you had gotten very close, a last resort of hiding from the other guards. It meant the two of you were huddled in the corner of the outside corridor of the very busy throne room.Though you had gotten to close to one another that your noses were very close to touching. “This is going where i think this is going...right?” You whispered. Jane slowly nodded. “I think so.” Both of you had gotten even closer over the past while. Mentally you two were exclusive, no one had caught either of your attention. It was latched on one another. Yet neither of you had really taken the step of approaching the subject of exclusively dating and physical contact had been limited to hugs. It seemed like at any second that was about to change. However, neither of you had approached the subject of kissing either, yet another topic that would have to be added to the list. “Do you want me to step back?” You whispered, ready to step back but you felt Jane’s cold hand coil around your wrist. You asked because you knew Jane wasn’t very comfortable with physical contact to most, if not all people but her brother. “No. Don’t step away.” Jane said lowly. Jane leaned closer, your noses touching. You barely got a breath in before Jane’s lips were on yours. You kept still, not wanting to cause her any discomfort. After a few moments you broke away. You exhaled. “Wow...that was...wow.” “A first.” Jane mumbled to herself. “On more levels than one.” You agreed. After a brief moment the two of you locked eyes. Your mouth twisted into a smile trying not to laugh. “Trust us to find the corner of the dark doom and gloom corridor for quiet and end up kissing.” Jane smiled slightly in return. “Sorry, I get nervous in these situations really easily.” You said meekly. “That’s understandable.” You took another breath. “What are we? Like what am I to you? I don’t want to assume anything.” “You’re a lot to me.” Jane answered. “I need more than that. What do you mean?” “I mean that, I don’t want to see you with anyone else. I want to be in your life, I want you in mine.” “Like...dating?” “I don’t know what you call it. It was once called courting, I believe.” “Yeah.” You nodded in confirmation. “I want that too.” Jane smiled slightly again and you took her hand. “Let’s get back inside.” Jane said after a moment of silence. “Before someone comes looking for us.” “And finds us in a dark depressing corner of a dark and depressing corridor.” You added and Jane hummed in response, casting you a glance in amusement.

Demetri chuckled, getting Caius’ attention. “What?” Demetri nodded to the other side of the throne room. Caius turned to see you and Jane in conversation but were...’handsy’ as he’d put it. Soon it was no longer enough to be hand holding as you played with one anothers fingers. Instead, your arms were looped loosely around Jane’s shoulders, Jane more than pleased, running her fingers up the span of one of your hands, the other at your waist. Both of you smiling and laughing, especially you. Jane wasn’t one to laugh, it was a rarity and this occasion wouldn’t be one of them. Though she was smiling more than she usually did. Caius’ eyes widened. When did this happen? Caius’ mouth gaped open, unable to believe his eyes, his glare only complimenting his surprise.

Soon it turned into a relationship, learning the tiniest details about one another. For example, Jane loved it when you scratched her back absentmindedly. You often teased her about the bodice of her dress was so thick you were surprised she could feel it. You’d always get a small glare in return. She also loved small public displays of affection in greeting. There has been many times the guards would come across you both. Your arms would be wrapped around Jane’s waist or shoulders as you leaned into her, sometimes pressing a kiss to her cheek as her attention was elsewhere. Jane on the other hand could be very affectionate when she wanted to be but in public always kept close to you. If she couldn’t see you for whatever reason, you were too far away and had best change that before she did. When alone, she’d often nuzzle her head into your neck or even plant her own rare kiss to you. As though to remind you every so often that she did love you. She always spoke as though you’d be around forever despite you being human. You weren’t to worry about that though. Jane was going to change you and then you’d be together forever and that was all.

The many months you had been together were the happiest you had ever lived. You knew she was the one. You wanted no one else, no one made you happier. You spent more time laughing with her than anything else and you almost forgot what you were so afraid of. It was just like any other relationship but your bond with Jane was better than you could have ever dreamed. On one particular day, you’d be leaving with the Volturi and Heidi thought it’d be fun if Jane did your make up. Heidi wanted to see every small moment between you both before that night. Jane shrugged it off, willing to do so if you were fine with it. You figured it couldn’t hurt and so you both sat at the table gaining an audience of Heidi, Felix, Demetri and Alec. All looked pretty invested in the scene as Jane got to work. You kept as still as you could for Jane, looking at her as she lightly dabbed at your face with a base you didn’t get to see. “I love the way (Y/N) looks at you, Jane.” Alec smiled, looking at you both but then sharing a look with Heidi who couldn’t agree more. The corner of Jane’s mouth curled upwards in approval. When she was done you gushed that she did an amazing job, trying to hide your nerves about leaving.

Nightfall arrived and you were outside of the castle, by the fountain, waiting to leave for the mission. It started with the two of you just simply sitting by the fountain before you were hand in hand as she walked you around the fountain. Even joining you to spin one another through your giggling. The rest of the Volturi were also outside and Jane admitted to you she had no idea as to why. Alec got Jane’s attention and she helped you down from the fountain before turning her back to you to address her brother. You knew this was your moment but got nervous unable to move and your heart pounded in your chest. Alec wad unable to stop his twin turning back to you and pulling you into her side. “Are you alright, my love? You’re heartbeat just got very fast. I can feel is racing against me.” She rubbed at your shoulder with her arm that was around you and you nodded with a smile, taking a breath before locking eyes with Alec for a moment.

You broke away from her, taking her hand before bending down on one knee. Her eyes widened as the Volturi around her buzzed with excitement. Even the leaders unable to prevent a smile. “What are you doing?” Jane asked. “I wanted to do this the traditional way.” You began as you dug around into your jacket pocket. Jane never got what she wanted. She was the witch twin that no one wanted. You did and you didn’t want her to miss even a second of the experience. “So I asked your brother first.”

“What did you want to speak to me about?” Alec asked as he dropped you into the forest floor. You were evidently nervous which meant something was wrong. “I wanted to do this the right way and you’re the only blood relative Jane has left. I can’t think of anyone better to ask.” “Ask me what?” Alec asked with unease hoping his twin wasn’t in any danger. “I want to ask for your permission to ask Jane to marry me.” You said finally, rushing it out in on breath. Alec was very surprised, not expecting it. “Seriously? You aren’t joking?” You shook your head. “No jokes. One hundred percent seriousness.” Slowly, a smile broke onto Alec’s face. “You want to marry my sister?” “So I won’t lie. I don’t know if I actually can for many obvious reasons but if I can, I’d marry her in a heartbeat. She’s the one.” You were quiet for a moment before you quickly added. “with your permission, of course. Jane never got this but was raised to want it. I don’t want her to miss it.”

Alec was touched for his sister. You had surpassed all expectations he had to earn his to his sister. You continued to do so by acknowledging Jane’s past. She was raised to want to be engaged, be married and have children but no one ever got down on one knee. Humans were very extra-curricular now with engagements and so it was heart-warming to see you work hard to go back to traditional method and ask for approval. “(Y/N), nothing in this world would make me happier than to have you as a sister. You had my approval long ago and have it now.” “Really?” You breathed. “You make my sister happy and that’s all I want for her. ” You could cry. You felt the tears rising. “Thank you.” You said quietly before you could no longer speak, overcome with emotion. To your surprise, Alec pulled you into a hug. You wasted no time returning it. “I already saw you as my sister. This only makes it official. You have more than my permission.”

Now came the next tough and awkward part which might ruin everything. “So, uh, there’s only one problem.” You began, slightly muffled against his shoulder. “I don’t have a ring and I can’t buy one because I’m a missing person and if i touch my account it’ll be traced-” Alec cut you off. “Don’t worry about that, I’ll handle that. I should also inform you that wouldn’t be a regular wedding, some adjustments would be made.” You nodded. “That’s fine. Thank you. Now I just have to hope she says yes.” “I think she will.” Alec smirked. “She loves you and I’m her twin, I know better than anyone.”

“Alec graciously gave me his approval and had helped me out with this. Full credit to him and a few other guards for the ring.” You opened the box and Jane looked even more surprised. “So only one thing is left to ask you. I don’t want to spend forever with anyone else but you. Our time together has been more than a dream and a gift and I’d be honored to spend the rest of me life with you. Jane, will you marry me?” Jane was absolutely stunned as everyone waited for her answer in excitement whilst you did the same but in anxiety. “I want nothing more in the world…yes.” Jane nodded quickly as she bent down slightly to meet you and pick you up off the floor as the Volturi clapped with grins and smiles as well as a few ‘woop woop’s being heard.

Jane let you work the ring onto her finger before pulling you into her, holding you close and mumbling how much she loved you. “I need to get you one- a ring.” Jane mumbled before pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Do you know we can’t actually get married?” You nodded. “I don’t know what happens instead.” “Well it means we’re technically married now by our kinds standards. We can make some celebratory things but really I just need to get you a ring and change you. If you really want something like a declaration.” “What do you mean?” “It’s no secret, my love. I chose you a long time ago. You’re already my mate. Though I won’t deny the thought and the effort put into this is breathtaking. I got a mate and I got a proposal…thank you.” “Of course. I couldn’t allow you never experiencing a proposal and when our several hundredth anniversary comes up and I’m loaded with money I somehow magically have, I will buy you a planet.” Jane couldn’t help but be amused. “Uh…who’s name are we taking?” “Mine.” Jane said immediately. “Hey what’s wrong with Swan!?” You were offended by how quickly she responded. “I refuse to share a name with your sister.” She sneered at the thought of Bella. Jane loved you, but hated her. No exceptions. “But-” “Volturi. You’re taking my name.” Jane left you no room to argue, sealing the deal with a kiss.

#request #twilight #the volturi #volturi #jane volturi #oneshot #female!reader #one shot

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