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kazumist · 10 months

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CLICHÉ TROPES WITH THEM .ᐟ

✩ — includes: various x gn!reader. fluff and crack. no cws. wc: 1603 (yeah i know it's pretty long). reblogs and feedback are very much appreciated !! :D

diluc — !

the one trope where the two main characters end up living together. you were going to move in with kaeya, who was also a good yet troublesome friend of yours. but you ended up meeting his brother at the doorstep with his luggage instead of him? that’s quite peculiar. you loved kaeya, you really did, but making you live with someone you rarely even know (you both know each other’s names but nothing other than that) just to spice up your life? it’s something that you’d definitely hate him for.

but hey, at least you get to live with someone less troublesome and actually do chores properly, right? oh, how wrong you were; diluc was worse than kaeya. yes, he knows how to cook and clean, as well as other chores, but communicating with him is one of your main problems. more headaches that you have with him are that you never have the same opinion with him, unlike you did with kaeya. so much for hoping that they’d at least be a bit similar. however, there’s still hope to get along with him, right?

childe — !

the trope where it’s idiotic love but also mutual pining in high school. both of you know that the other likes them back, but you both deny it, thinking that it’s some mistake. your relationship with childe is quite frustrating—from those small hugs and the moments of the two of you laughing when he walks you home from school, it’s frustrating to the point that both of your friends abandoned you on your problem and decided that the two of you suffer with it alone.

there’s also the festival, where you and childe just ditch the whole event and chill at some abandoned playground. you got to know each other better, yet you’re both scared to admit your feelings—the hesitation is quite obvious if either of you try to bring up the topic. but finally! you and childe decided to go by the bridge to watch the fireworks more closely, and that’s when the two of you finally confessed. there wasn’t the "kiss under the fireworks" kind of thing; no, childe was leaning on the bridge too much to see the fireworks clearly, to the point that he fell and pulled you with him into the water. so all of your mutual pining and stupidity just resulted in you and childe freezing! how romantic indeed!

xiao — !

childhood friend to lovers, but your romantic moments always get interrupted (plus, you’re dense about xiao’s feelings). everyone always comments on how the two of you look, but you and xiao always shake it off, saying that "we’re just close friends, nothing special." but when did "close friends" accompany each other to go shopping? when did "close friends" decide to hold hands frequently, even in public, with your other friends?

there were a lot of moments of xiao wanting to express his romantic perceptions to you, but every time he attempted it, he got unfairly disturbed by someone calling you on your phone or someone entering the scene. it was frustrating; xiao doesn’t show it, though. but maybe now is not the time to confess just yet? he’ll get his chance soon.

albedo — !

he’s the quiet art kid who always works near the back of the classroom. you two got paired up for an important project. (mind you, it was a mixed-class thing. albedo is in another class while you were in a different class too.) but the thing is, you know nothing about art, nor did you really have good grades for it. you were basically the hopeless one between you and albedo but he was willing to help you learn the usual basics. he was rather patient with you; even if you made errors, he wasn’t strict with his teaching, nor was he angered by how much of a slow-paced learner you are.

he was just... calm during your moments together. but alas, good times have their endings, and you two luckily finished your project. you’d admit it—you had fun with albedo. to the times where you would chase each other to smudge paint on each other’s faces or the times where you would accidentally fall asleep while working on your project, leaving albedo to do the majority of it—you’ll miss it. however, there’s still a chance that you can spend more time alone together, right?

kaeya — !

the flirty coworker who seems to slack off most of the time but actually gets his work done. your work space is right next to his, which gives him more access to bother you even further. you really wonder how he gets his job done—or how he still even works at the place—when all you can remember are his cheesy pick-up lines and questions about whether he could treat you to dinner. kaeya would never shut up when he was around you. he’s always blabbering about the most random things. even though it does seem like you aren’t interested, you actually pay attention to his ramblings.

kaeya is somewhat the person who makes your work experience quite interesting, even though all he does is ramble and flirt with you. you didn’t mind his flirtatious actions, but you can’t really say if it would be a good decision. does he do this to other people too? or are you the only one he ever bothers to even flirt with? you didn’t know. he makes you so confused, to the point that it’s frustrating. and so you confront him, asking him if he’s just doing all of it for boredom or if he's actually willing to try a relationship with you. the second that kaeya would hurriedly press his lips against yours, you got your answer: you were the only one he ever bothered this much.

zhongli — !

you and he are both teachers who are shipped together by the majority—a very old trope. if childe (who was also your fellow coworker as a teacher) hadn’t start teasing you on how you and zhongli spend your breaks together, then the school wouldn’t have known. you truly do enjoy your breaks with zhongli; you two just chatter about how the other has been or introduce new things that the other doesn’t seem to know about. nothing too romantic, right? but what if the teasing and shipping that childe had started actually made you have second thoughts if you were catching feelings for him?

kazuha — !

awkward and silent bookworm who wants to have his peace and quiet, but you always disturb him. until one day you didn't, and he gets confused, but that’s when he realizes that he actually likes you and your bubbly self. kazuha had always appreciated and even enjoyed his time with you. he just didn’t know how to show it. he didn’t know how to say that he adores how you talk, how he loves it when you get happy at the smallest things, and how he gets ever so lovestruck when you flash him that smile that he knows was directed at him.

kazuha doesn’t know how to say all of this in the flowery words his mouth spills, so his only choice is to keep quiet about it. to keep it to himself, but he knows one day he has to let it out. and he did. during the one day you weren’t cheery like you usually are, kazuha knew something was up. it took you a while to let it out, but you eventually told him how you felt so tired with all of the schoolwork and how exhausted you were to even stop being all happy. kazuha listened to you and even gave tips on how to maintain your school life, and you never felt so grateful for meeting him. maybe one day he'll also get his chance.

thoma — !

the trope where he’s a popular yet stupid senior. he has really bad grades, so you were asked to tutor him for your upcoming final exams of the year, or else he would have to repeat a school year instead of moving up. you were simply too smart for people around your age, but you didn’t want to comply. (you did anyways because who knows what the consequences will be?) and so the two of you had an awkward start. with thoma scratching his neck as you stare him down with the most neutral look a person can pull, that’s how your tutoring sessions started.

when the exam results came, and wow! thoma passed! and that means he gets to move on with life, but that also means that he has to leave the school, and he’ll never see you again! you weren’t planning to get attached to him, but you did. and you weren’t that shy to admit that you’d always crack up whenever thoma would act all goofy around you during your tutoring sessions. and thoma loved it when you looked so calm whenever you taught him. he may or may not have pulled that one move where he would tuck your hair behind your ear just so he could see your face better. just who knew you’d develop feelings for a guy like him?

scaramouche — !

you’re each other’s academic enemies. and not only that, you compete between smarts; you both fight over anything, maybe even everything. everyone would tease you both, saying things like, "just confess already! we know you two like each other!" or something like that. but did you? did you actually have feelings for each other but were too proud to admit it, so you two just fought about it? maybe. just maybe.

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doodle-pops · 18 days

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Domestic Life With Glorfindel Would Include...

𑁍 So first of all, domestic life with him would mainly happen when you two are back in Valinor when the both of you don’t have any strenuous work as heads of the House. This means that you two get to lay back and relax a lot more than usual.

𑁍 He’s going to be all over you more than ever (so if he wasn’t in the beginning) and fewer duties means more time in private. He’s not going to let you go so easily so you’d be locked up with him more often.

𑁍 With domestic bliss in your life, things go a lot slower than back in Middle Earth but you’re both able to savour every moment better now.

𑁍 I did mention that he is a good cook, he wasn’t the best when you first started dating him because as a Lord, he was always busy with meeting and war and protecting people, so he never had or made the time to learn how to but when you came into his life, he made the effort because he always saw how you’d cook for him and so he wanted to reciprocate.

𑁍 So, now that you’re in your domestic bliss with less work on your plate, he’s going to be doing the cooking more often than you, sometimes if he sees you cooking either he makes you leave the kitchen so he can finish up or he joins you. He has it in his head that he’s a pro chef now.

𑁍 He’s going to help with household chores but he’s not going to be the best help because you probably never get anything done correctly or on time. He’ll constantly distract you from everything. He’s one of those people who starts cleaning and then finds a whole bunch of items and forgets cleaning to play with them. You’ll walk into the room and meet him covered in old items and playing with some toys from his childhood.

𑁍 Since he’s back in Valinor, this means that most if not all of his friends from the first age are reborn, so if you weren’t from the first age, he’s taking you to meet them. Lunch dates or dinner dates will include his friends and you so all of you can get to know each other and also do lots of catching up.

𑁍 If you two didn’t have children in Middle Earth because of all the chaos unfolding, then he’s going to bring having children up since it’s a good time and there’s no impending doom raining down on your heads.

𑁍 This means that he has more free time on his hands to romance you all the time without having to worry about someone interrupting, so I hope you have tons of energy to keep up with him.

𑁍 When you do have a child (the rest would come after), your domestic life begins to feel halfway complete as though this was what you two were missing.

𑁍 He is ecstatic when a baby becomes a part of your domestic fairy-tale life. For him, everything is now perfect. His days are filled with more fun as the baby grows. He’ll be playing all sorts of games and taking them on tours around Valinor.

𑁍 Speaking of tours, if you weren’t born in Valinor this would be the most opportune time for him to show you around, you’ll be touring Valinor as a family showing off your little bundle of joy along the way while he’s pointing out to and them all the places, he told you about.

𑁍 “Yes, do you see that curved statue over there, the one wi- Oh, hello, yes this is our newest member of the family. Cute, aren’t they? – right anyway, like I was saying…”

𑁍 Your domestic life with him will be filled with joyous moments and this would be one of the times you’d truly see him at his happiest, knowing that he doesn’t have to leave you or vice versa, it calms his heart and puts an ease to his worries. He doesn’t need to be scared about something happening since you’re living in paradise with him.

Masterlist

Taglist: @ranhanabi777 @lilmelily @mysticmoomin @rain-on-my-umbrella @asianbutnotjapanese @batsyforyou @mcwentfandomtraveling @involuntaryspasms @stormchaser819 @aconstructofamind @addaigio @lamemaster @hermaeuswhora @zheiya

If you would like to be tagged, click the taglist link to join.

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wandixx · 2 months

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Ghost of fries and hero of cookies part 5

All work words count: 14 643

Words in this part: 1 685

Summary of whole work: Duke wasn't expecting to wake up from his quick rooftop nap to some meta kid with fries. He also wasn't expecting kid to stay

Danny asked Dani to stay safe while she was in Gotham. Where would she be safer than under the wing of local hero? And he looked like he needed bad day combo anyway

This part summary: Steph finally gets to meet Duke's kid. And she comes bearing gifts!

Beta read by @audhumla-sailor though English is second language for both of us, so proceed with this in mind. I also know all of the charaters through fics alone, so probably ooc. Stay catious if it's something you don't like

First part, Previous part

Duke was really glad that Bruce was busy whole previous evening and couldn’t give him The TalkTM Vigilante edition. Maybe he shouldn’t because B being busy spoke trouble but he couldn’t feel too sad about it. He didn’t want to have The TalkTM though.

For now, Dani was running next to him, with a serious look on her face that was kinda uncanny. She wasn’t supposed to not be happy and some weird instincts were screaming at him to fix it and fix it now. But he didn’t know how!

Though some of his jokes caused a little smile, so it was good.

It turned potentially less good when she stopped without warning, lowering herself to the fighting stance (finally proper, which made him so immensely proud by the way). He stopped too, wishing they wouldn’t have to fight but he knew better than to latch on this hope.

“What’s up, Hoopoe?” he whispered.

“Someone is coming. Light, use grapple” Most likely one of the Bats then, they were due to a visit anyway. However better to not lower his guard in case he was mistaken or it was a prank/test. His expectations were proven right though, when purple blur flipped over the edge of the roof. He relaxed and put hand on Dani’s shoulder so she wouldn’t tackle Steph before they could explain anything. She seemed on edge like that whole day.

“Hey Spoiler” he greeted to further show that the blonde was a friend.

“Sup Signal! Heard I can finally meet your little friend!”

Dani straightened herself and tried to float a few inches up to seem higher probably.

“I’m considerably higher than most kids my age” she deadpanned. She really wasn’t though. He was still trying to learn whether her size was caused more by genetics or malnourishment. Her only family member Duke knew of was also small, so maybe it was a family thing though.

Steph shrugged, waving her palm a few inches below her shoulder, approximately where Damian reached, quite few inches over Dani’s head.

“Robin is the family’s smol violent bean and you’re shorter than him. You’re small bean, deal with this”

Little girl pouted, crossing her arms. Steph cooed.

“Oh, you even get angry like he does!”

Young meta looked like she was asking ‘Should I use violence?’ and inch towards the answer ‘Yes’. Duke decided he should step in before she acted on these thoughts. Teasing was the opposite of what girl needed at the moment. Some good fight might not be bad but maybe not with Steph.

“Cut it Spoiler”

She rolled her eyes so dramatically he could tell she did so despite her mask. He still thought it was impressive “Don’t be boring dude”

Dani growled in a way that couldn’t be fully human, just like she did when they talked about her training for the first time. Duke squeezed her arm. Girl glanced at him before sagging so much he was scared she would fall for a hot second. He exchanged concerned looks with Steph over her lowered head. It was not normal nor was it good.

“Alright, you’re not smol,” Steph agreed lightly “Officially at least. What’s in my head stays there. Does it work for you?”

Duke almost hit her in the arm. Not strongly, in a friendly manner but still. He didn’t only because it seemed to somehow work. He let his hands drop.

“Your mind is sacred,” Dani started seriously “what leaves your mouth is not. Can’t diss you on your thoughts but I’ll on your words” she shared like it was some important truth of life. Or folklore proverb though Duke wasn’t sure about the latter. Afterall he was Gothamite born and breed, he knew countryside from movies “And actions. Actions are kinda important,” meta girl added in lighter tone after moment of thinking.

“Yeah, actions are the best” Steph agreed easily “Hey, can I get it on a T-shirt? I’ll love and cherish it”

“First you laugh at my height and then you want my intellectual property for free? For shame, Spoiler, for shame?”

Steph looked thoughtful, theatrically over exaggerating her body language.

“Valid” she nodded.

Duke decided he would just watch whatever was going to happen and did damage control if needed. He didn’t feel up to anything else anyway.

“Heard your cape went in an adventure,” the purple vigilante admitted after moment of silence. Dani shrugged rubbing her arms awkwardly. Duke knew she normally would fix said cape. It was her way of fidgeting.

“Yup, it’s good way to put it,” girl nodded. “Somebody needed it more, I hope it enjoys its travel. I should get a replacement soon”

“Well, I can’t let fellow caped crusader, who understands necessity of hood, run capeless”

Younger girl waved her hands in a flurry motion of dismissal.

“Don’t-” she stopped when her eyes locked on orange bundle Steph took from somewhere under her cloak. Opportunity to pull tricks like that had made Duke consider adding some sort of cape to his Signal suit back when he had been working on it back in a day but dismissed it. He still wasn’t looking forward to learning curve of fighting with such additional liability. He couldn’t turn it intangible when it was in a way like certain white haired cheater did.

Speaking of Dani, girl stared at Steph’s gift like she couldn’t quite believe it was real. She held her hands close to her chest but her fingers flexed in grabby motion. Her eyes were hidden behind black lenses of her mask but everything else about her face further proved how awestruck she was. Even her muted aura brightened a bit in a way that he learned to recognize as excitement.

It was still kind of weird, by the way. Normal auras haven’t changed, it was kinda their thing.

Steph wiggled her gift a bit. Dani finally took it but had yet to put it on.

“It’s for me?” she whispered so utterly shocked and small that Duke mentally did a double take.

“Yeah, like I said, can’t let you run around without it”

“Oh”

Dani’s hand was gnawing at the edge of the material as if it was some sort of squashmellow.

“Try it on,” Steph encouraged gently.

“We need to check if Spoiler haven’t messed up something”

“Signal!”

Dani snorted, which was all Duke tried to achieve.

She put it on and after a moment of shuffling she once again became orange cloak with feet. She grinned widely looking far more relaxed and settled than she did moments before. She moved around a bit like she was in model show or at least what ten years old thought it could look like.

“You like it?”

“Yup, it’s amazing, thank you Spoiler… Though it’s heavier than I expected”

“Well, I don’t know what your first one was made out of but this is material I use, I found it the best balance between durability, weight and comfiness. Still, it’s quite dense and a bit heavy. Also, I added pockets because you can never have too many of them. Plus there are few glitter bombs inside. You know, ‘welcome to the team’ gifts,” Steph explained eagerly and judging by Dani’s smile, she loved her gifts. Duke would be a little worried on a Gotham crime’s behalf if it wasn’t well, crime and if he wasn’t all there to watch chaos these two would unfold from sidelines with bat-popcorn in hand (though it wasn’t really a thing yet, he would have to mention it to Tim or Jason). For now though, they really should continue on the patrol.

“Now that introductions are over, let’s get going. Crime never sleeps or something,” It was really weird to be the organized one. Before Dani showed up, on a day shift he was a sailor, a captain and a ship (or maybe Gotham was a ship-), We Are Robins days were chaos in purest form and shape and when he was called out for a night he usually was too tired to behave and was just additional mess to organize (on purpose, let him have his goddamn sleep, he wasn’t Tim).

“Okay,” Dani agreed cheerfully “There is a robbery at the greek diner we visited last Thursday. ‘s been going for five minutes or so,” she added unbothered.

“HOOPOE!”

“What?”

***

Spoiler jumped through the open window of the diner with a graceful roll, glitter bombs at hand. Hoopoe and Signal came inside right after her.

“Spoiler alert!” purple girl yelled, throwing two bombs at robbers heads and kicking third one in the ribs.

Dani decided that she liked Spoiler right then and there as she threw her own brand new, orange(!) glitter bombs at remaining criminal.

***

Three of them were running through the city mostly uninterrupted after diner mishap. Steph tried to engage Dani in quip battle but younger girl for once wasn’t jumping on occasion. She kept close to Duke and his only reaction was smug smile in Spoiler’s direction. That’s what she got for trying to steal his sidekick.

“Oh!” Dani exclaimed delighted, stopping abruptly, a smile that spoke trouble gracing her face.

“No, we’re not busting Joker’s scheme by jumping into the meeting to beat them all up without proper back up, again, Hoopoe. They had guns, Hoopoe.”

“Wha- Wasn’t last time enough? Anyway, I heard there is fan meeting with Martian Manhunter in Los Angeles tomorrow,” Great, so no giving him heart attack right now. Thank God for that.

“Shame he won’t make it, huh?” Steph mussed “He is in Illinois right now, isn’t he? It would take him two days driving to even get there”

Dani’s expression looked thoughtful “It’s quite far”

“Yeah, around… 2,500 miles from here”

“Huh”

“What got you thinking kid?” she inquired, ruffling her hair.

“Not a kid and I thought- there is kidnapping at three!” Dani darted in that direction before finishing sentence. Duke jumped right after her slightly scared. She was not ready to handle stuff like that without back up and she would try if he let her run of like that.

********

Steph: I'm meeting my almost niece tomorrow what should I- *gives a gremlin child an ultimate weapon of chaos*

Sometime before this part:

Steph: So, how is your kid?

Duke: She is not my kid!

Duke: By the way, wanna see video I saved of her doing proper side kick for the first time?

Danielle "looks like 10 years old is 10 months max" Phantom: I am in fact much higher than most kids my age

Duke "whoever is feeding this tiny child does bad job at it" Thomas & Stephanie "it's just a lil baby" Brown: Yeah... sure...

Next part

"Tag list" (i haven't expected to ever make it)

@pickleking8

#dpxdc #dp x dc #dcxdp #dc x dp #dani hangs out with duke #signal got new kid and cares about her deeply #dani took so long to tell them about robbery because she didn't like their food and is petty little gremlin #dani says most and not all because she knows vlad is incapable of coming up with something original #so there had to be other clones around #and they probably were higher than here #with her being prematurly released (hence why she is younger than danny)#and fact that danny is short #now that i think about it #dani is opossite of “this is 43567 year old demon acting like child in a body of the child” trope #but baby enough to not risk “born sexy yesterday” area #perfect #wandixx writes #ghost of fries and hero of cookies #have a nice day dear stranger who got to this part

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lil-lost-mind · 3 months

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(This is a bit of a along post about my general experience in the qsmp fandom, both good and bad, and it does mention xenophobia but not direct experiences)

I'm happy to see people here being so nice and reminding that we(Brazilians) are welcome here

I was really hesitant about interacting with fandom at first, I actually was there the Brazilians arrived because suddenly tazercraft live appeared for me on YouTube, I joined for a moment but didn't stay long, but I did look about it later. Because Brazilians youtubers/streamers are on a server with a bunch of people from other countries? I was curious about what this would lead to

Didn't regret it, but since then, I was a bit scared of interacting on fandom. Some comments on clips were fine. But then I started using tumblr because of a friend's recommendation, I kept a look on what was happening on lore on general but didn't really interact on fandom. Hence why I created this blog, and also why it took me so long to link this blog to my main one

Because, well, if I got hate for any reason, it would only be a sideblog that I only posted about qsmp. I could just delete it or just ignore them

I am by nature a person who is very shy to talk about my interests, it might have nothing wrong about it but I'm shy, I'm the type of person who goes on asks box on anon because is too shy, even if I'm not doing anything wrong there's this fear of judgemeent.

In the light of the recent events, I am once again reminded that's why I don't use or plan to use Twitter, but still I couldn't avoid but feel... scared in a way, I don't think anyone would like to be treated that way. And even a bit ashamed of saying that I'm brazilian. Ashamed might not be the right word, but there's this feeling wich is similar, and while I'm proud of being a brazilian, I just... maybe invalidate is a more fitting word, it's just feels like my culture is unimportant compared to others.

And this is what it seems, in my understanding, what looks like suffering from xenophobia is, but I imagine it's worse suffering it directly ofc, and ironically, I don't think I ever felt like that for those reasons before. And while I can't talk about how it feels when suffering from it directly, I feel bad for the people who had to go through it(not only Brazilians). Nobody should feel ashamed of their culture or ethnicity

Ofc tumblr isn't free of people like that. After all, no social media will be free from intolerance. But it feels like it's harder to see it. But I can't emphasize enough how it makes me happy to see so many people saying their blog is a safe place for us. After seeing this stuff, it makes things better, for me, at least. It reminds me that my culture isn't less important than any other

And qsmp brought something beautiful, the unity of communities. Because even with those bad things happening, it's not the only thing in fandom, it happens, and any fandom has this, unfortunately. But I love to see every time someone talks about their culture, facts about their languages, to see people motivated in learning new languages. It's beautiful and makes me happy each time

I don't regret making myself part of the fandom, the opposite, really, I've met creators that I would have never without the qsmp. I've met amazing people there, I've found incredible artists and writers. I've had fun

I've found the motivation to learn new languages again, more passion to draw

And I'm thankful to everyone there who is incredibly nice and so made me more comfortable interacting here, even if they will probably never know

So despite everything, I think it was worth it

Was worth reading character analysis and theories, enjoying stories, seeing fanart and animatics, learning new language facts and about other cultures. Was worth seeing people being happy

Again, I'm very thankful for all the people who made me, and I'm going to assume a lot of other people who needed to hear that, comfortable and validate here, I can't express how much this made me happy, I hope everyone coming from twitter have a good time here<3

And a very big and sincere "VAI TOMAR NO CU" to any xenophobic and racist person

I know very few people will see this, or even read everything, but I had to say this somewhere, so yeah, I'm rambling on tumblr again:D

#qsmp #qsmp fandom #I have no idea of what to put in the tags #why are those so hard???#lil's rambling #also it's flipping 3:40 am for me #my schedule is so screwed

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mercymaker · 5 months

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Tav NSFW Questions

As seen here, compiled and posted by @tragedybunny

What is your Tav’s sexuality/orientation preference?

Mal is very much bi (or pan, I guess?). She is weak for the ladies because they're so pretty and it can make her flustered so she tries to combat that by pretending that she's all calm and cool and unbothered. An absolute dork.

What are their biggest ‘NOs’ they will never consider doing during sex?

I'd say anything you'd consider "extreme", or anything that would seriously hurt her. The mental aspect is also quite important to her, so any words or actions that would harm or degrade her would be out of the question.

Are they a Top/Bottom/Switch?

At first, she's quite passive and submissive when it comes to sex, purely based on her inexperience and just being unsure of what to do and how to do it. There's a little bit of that pride in her that wants to do something well that prevents her from even trying in the first place, but eventually, as she gains more experience (and encouragement), Mal becomes more assertive and less passive, even when she lets someone else take the lead. So, I guess, once she gets to the place where she knows what she wants, she's kind of a switch? Maybe with a slight preference to letting her partner(s) take the lead?

Favorite Position?

Alright, so one time Astarion pinned her to the wall and fucked her till she saw stars and the whole thing is etched in her memory forever. There was something about that lowkey claustrophobic feeling of being trapped combined with his body pressed firmly against hers, getting overwhelmed by all the sensations and also not having to worry about finding support. Just wrapping her legs around him and enjoying the ride. I think that's the one.

Do they prefer giving or receiving?

God, I can't believe I'm doing this to my own beloved character, but I do think that Mal's a wee bit of a pillow princess. At least at the very beginning. She just sort of... relaxes and enjoys whatever she's given. BUT! With time and experience her role does shift, especially when she realizes that her actions can absolutely melt her partner under her, so that newfound sense of power is very intriguing to her and in some way a bit intoxicating. Maleane becomes much more active and wants to learn how to give and be good at it, so in the end it depends on the day and the mood.

Tits or Ass?

Tits, chests, torsos, tiddies, boobies, all of that stuff! It's where the heart is! It's where love lives! But nah, Mal likes seeing, touching, suckin, lickin, all that good stuff, she might bite your nip nops a bit, so watch out!

How experienced is your Tav?

Before all the tadpole business and getting involved with the pale elf, Mal was a 100% forest-grown virgin, so not experienced at all! She does eventually pick up a thing or two from her vampire boyfriend but having no and then one partner for quite a while doesn't really make her someone I'd consider experienced.

Do they have any traumas around sex?

It's not necessarily a trauma, but the first time Mal had sex was quite a complicated experience that left her somewhat hesitant to do it again. While she did feel attraction and wanted to experience getting all wild and dirty, Maleane was also pretty scared (there was a very real possibility she might get killed) and nervous, but tried to compensate for it by playing it cool and looking confident. In turn, she made it worse by encouraging roughness as she thought it would mask the fact that she's just a wee lil virgin girlie. So yeah, it was a mixed bag, and Mal would probably like to go back and change the way it happened, but not the fact that it happened. They got better at it, eventually. Mutual trust and all that stuff.

Do they have any taboo kinks?

I've been on this site so long, I honestly don't even know wtf is considered a taboo kink. Like.. is getting blood, biting, and ropes involved in your bedtime activities considered too nasty these days? Or is it the other way around? 🤷‍♀️

Would they want a polyamorous relationship?

I don't think she'd necessarily seek a polyamorous relationship, but I also don't think she'd be completely against it. Mal wants to try so many things, so being with more than one person, when all the parties involved are cool with it? Yeah, pretty sure she'd be down to try. But then again, I'd consider Maleane a somewhat jealous person and considering how she doesn't exactly have a basis for a super healthy relationship, I'm not sure how long the whole shebang would last.

How do they feel about voyeurism? And would they do it?

Not to be a complete freak, but watching other people from afar is kind of her whole thing. Growing up, Maleane was not allowed to approach others, so she mostly just watched and observed them while being unseen herself. She witnessed some sexual acts as well, and that was sort of her first look at sex and intimacy. It doesn't feel weird to her at all, because that was just a part of her life.

How big is your Tav’s sex drive?

Mal struggles a bit with disconnecting her overthinking noggin, so it can make it quite difficult to relax and just fuck. As with most things, she learns how to manage it better with time, but she never quite catches up with Astarion. They find ways around it, though.

How many rounds can they last?

Not that many. I see her as someone who gets overwhelmed and overstimulated pretty easily, once it gets to that point. And considering how often times fighting discomfort in her intimate life is a pretty significant issue, the last thing she wants is to get more of it by pushing herself past her comfort zone. That being said, though, Mal does have her moments that surprise even Astarion, but those aren't very common.

What is their aftercare like?

Lots and lots of touch. She might not necessarily need a word of reassurance, but a touch with the same intent is what Mal needs. Holding hands, cuddling, soft caresses, all that. She wants to feel safe and appreciated, and it goes the same both ways.

What lingerie does Tav wear?

Coming from someone who lived nearly three decades in the woods wearing whatever the fuck was available to her, Mal quite likes all the pretty fabrics and clothes. I'm pretty sure that, when they can, Astarion likes to indulge this side of her by getting her pretty things, including lingerie. He gets to peel all of it off of her, after all. Maleane quite likes all the lacy stuff, but it's pretty expensive and not that common, so.. yeah. It's a bit of a special something.

Double penetration?

Gods, when I think of Mal she always seems so tense and tight, like a little clam, especially in the early days. I think it takes her quite some time to open up, both physically and mentally. She would like to try and maybe with some proper prep it could be achieved, but it's no easy task. It also depends on the, uh... dimensions we're working with here sdfsdfdsf.

Least likely person they’d ever consider themselves sleeping with.

Mal does have a bit of an issue with her fellow drow, so it takes her a looooooooooooooooong while to be comfortable to even be around them, let alone sleep with any of them. It's a lot of trauma in that department, so it's understandable.

How long since their last sexual encounter?

Considering she's in a relationship with Astarion, probably not that long, lmao.

Ok with period sex?

I think, yeah. Mal's nasty, she grew up in the woods wading through all sorts of stuff. The blood itself might not be an issue, but feeling like utter crap might not be the best premise for some "fun times", however, hormones work in mysterious ways so.. yeah!

Are they loud or quiet during sex?

She is surprisingly quiet in her little moans and whimpers. Which Astarion, naturally, takes as a bit of a challenge, he wants to make her truly sing. And yeah, eventually, Mal does let go a little bit, it helps her with the overall "shit, why am i constantly in my head through all of this?" problem, and allows herself to be just a tab bit more vocal.

Alright with Dub-con/CNC? Role Playing?

I think Mal sits at the very edge of this very definition to the point of getting into the semantics of the word. Role-playing? Yes, that's one of her fantasies. But even that whole scenario comes from a place of tremendous trust, as she's quite fragile and just a single thought on how the situation could be real entering her mind would cause her to absolutely crumble. She doesn't want to be forced to do anything, but she does find the idea of pretending to be in certain risky scenarios very appealing.

Are they more serious at the moment? Are they humorous?

Oh boy, at first, she's too serious. All tense and overthinking and making it more serious than it actually is. As with her general attitude, her views on it shift with time. She allows herself to have more fun, both in everyday life, as well as her sex life.

If your Tav has a vagina, do they like anal?

I wouldn't say she's someone who'd enjoy it often, but considering some of her kinks and fantasies, there are situations where it feels fitting and Mal prefers it in those scenarios. Like when she's feeling particularly submissive or when they're role-playing something or when she's feeling very naughty and wants to give someone "a treat".

Does your Tav want other people in a relationship?

Yes and no. On one hand, she wants to experience a lot of new things and what life has to offer, just explore what's out there, so getting other people involved does sound tempting. But on the other hand, she's also quite jealous, so it depends on which devil on her shoulder wins that day.

How well groomed are they? Shaved completely? Does the carpet match the drapes? Etc.

I'm actually not sure how it all works with elves and stuff. Slippin' n slidin', no?

What is your Tav’s favorite place to have sex?

Mal likes to be comfy and relaxed, so... bed. But! A patch of nice comfy grass somewhere in a private location works just as well when one's not available. I know, quite boring, but you argue with her!

What about quickies?

She's not a big fan of those, but when you're on the road a lot getting into all sorts of situations, they just happen! When you're someone like Mal, it takes a bit of preparation to get her to a place where things feel good, so she tends to lean more towards, uh... less rapid scenarios.

Would Tav like to participate in orgy?

I think so! Just to see if it's something she'd like or not. After all the game events, Mal is out on a journey to explore the world and everything it has to offer. And I do think getting sandwiched between two bodies would do her good, maybe allow her to relax a little bit. She would need to build up a little bit of courage and experience for it beforehand, though.

Would Tav like to use gags?

Yes, if the situation calls for it.

Soft and slow or hard and rough?

It depends on the day and the mood. Considering how difficult at times it is for her to get into the right mindset for sex, it helps when things move slow and she's allowed some room to breathe and keep track of things. That being said, there are days when she's just horny and wants to be bent over and pounded. And then we have those situations where things start soft and slow and eventually lead to hard and rough.

What’s their favorite toy?

Considering that she spends a chunk of her time alone in the woods, I think a very simple dildo does wonders for her. The good ole reliable, as they say.

Does your Tav have sexual fantasies?

Oh, yes! For the longest time that's the only thing she had. Just imagining scenarios where she gets to experience all those things she read about or observed in the outside world. It helps that eventually she gets a boyfriend that she trusts enough to share those fantasies with, so they can both work on bringing some of them to reality.

Is there a companion they would sleep with but not want to date and why?

I'd say it's probably Wyll. He is incredibly attractive to her, but their personalities would lead to constantly clashing over things. She could put up her good girl appearance, but who wants to build a fake persona for a relationship to even have a chance of lasting?

Can your Tav not have sex for a long period?

Yes, I'd say so. Being able to be on her own is one of her core strengths, so not fucking someone for a while wouldn't bother her too much.

Who was your Tav’s first sexual experience?

It was Astarion. And it was stressful and scary, but also kinda hot at the same time? It's very complicated, but they managed to more or less figure it out, eventually.

Blood kink?

I mean, she's dating a vampire spawn, so you can't really walk around the whole blood thing, can you? Mal does indulge him in quite some blood-drinking during their activities, but she's very uncomfortable with Astarion putting those fangs on her neck, so he makes do with what he can: shoulders, wrists, thighs, tits, etc. And then one night when he returns from a particularly messy hunt, Mal opens the door to her boyfriend being absolutely drenched in blood and that, uh, that very much turns her on! So not only does she kiss his bloody mouth, tasting all that sticky red on his skin, Maleane also gets a bunch of it on herself when she fucks him like there's no tomorrow.

Spanking?

A cheeky slap on the bum every once in a while, especially during the act, I can see her entertaining. Anything more than that, she would probably decline.

Will they want to have sex during pregnancy?

Does she want to? Yeah, those hormones be wildin, after all. (Un)fortunately, for ms. preggers Mal she's all alone in the woods with no one to smooch, so wish all you want lmao.

What was the worst moment your Tav felt lust?

I mean. She finds watching Astarion doing his thing very attractive. They also kill a lot of things on their journeys. You put two and two together.

What is your Tav’s class and how does it affect their sexual life?

She's a storm sorcerer, so magic's always brewing somewhere within her. However, Mal tries to not involve it in her sexual endeavors as her type of magic is quite dangerous and a lot of it is tied to her emotions so creating an association between those sort of feelings might lead to some literally explosive orgasms sdfdsf. Besides, while traveling with Astarion, she already uses quite a lot of her spell-power, so there's usually not that much left for the, uh, extracurricular activities.

How naughty are they? Does Tav like to tease?

I think somewhere along their journeys she finds quite a bit of mischief in her bones. It's sort of hard not to when you're constantly volleying with someone like Astarion. She does like to tease him quite a bit, especially in order to "provoke" him to do things to her. Often times, he doesn't need much, but he enjoys seeing her get all playful, so at times he pretends to be much more resilient to her charms.

What is your Tav's safe word?

It has to be "red", no? Because blood and vampirism and all. Yeah, I think that works.

Does your Tav like oral? Giving or receiving

Yes yes yes, Mal loves getting her pussy devoured. With Astarion, at times it comes with some nibbles to her thighs, but she considers it a fair exchange. When it comes to giving, she's a little bit more hesitant because she's not very experienced and also she can't handle a lot. But she tries, god bless her heart, she tries so hard!

Does your Tav like handjobs? Giving or receiving

She actually does! Considering Mal's not always comfortable or willing to do penetration, sometimes she chooses to employ her hands to please her partner. And with a lot of pointers and questions, she gets pretty good at it!

Does Tav like bondage? Being tied up or tying up your partner?

If there's enough trust between them involved, then absolutely yes. She likes being tied up, pinned down, restricted, but she also likes to tie her partner up when it's her turn to take the lead. And because early on she's a bit unsure and not that comfortable in a dominant role, restraining her partner gives her a bit of a prop to work with.

What does Tav consider “cheating”?

Probably getting involved in any sort of sexual or emotional situation without her knowledge. After all, her and Astarion go on some wild adventures that involve sucking and fucking a bunch of other people, but as long as they keep communicating with each other, it's all good.

What spells does Tav use during sex (i.e. “silence” because they are too loud)

I have a feeling she would try to keep the use of magic in the bedroom minimal, BUT I can also see Astarion coaxing her into trying some things out. Definitely everyone's favorite Mage Hand and something like Hold Person for some uh... fun times.

Is your Tav into breeding?

No, she already took one creampie too many and had a case of a baby. Though, she does brew some plan b tea alongside all of the other potions and poisons, so she doesn't particularly mind her partners coming inside (for some tea dgdfg).

What makes your Tav absolutely horny?

Not to sound like a nun or something, but seeing her partner naked and doing some suggestive shit. When it comes to Astarion, him + a blade does something to her she cannot fully understand. Just the way he handles a dagger, how quick and precise he is.. HIS FINGERS???? HMMMMM YES.

What part of their partner’s body does Tav like the most?

Arms, hands, fingers, cock. Maleane gets a bit mesmerized watching Astarion do things with his hands. Picking locks, playing with cards, handling a dagger, all that good stuff. Mal's all heart eyes over that.

I've also answered this before in an ask so I'm just gonna drop it here as well:

From the moment she met him, Mal thought that Astarion was absolutely beautiful (yea, peak drow features - red eyes and silver white hair sdfsdfsd). But very quickly she gets somewhat obsessed with his arms and fingers. The way his muscles flex when he holds a bow? How quickly and precisely his fingers move, making all the traps and locks just crumble under his delicate touch. The way they eventually find what makes her body quiver too.

And then I reckon it would be fair to include Halsin since Mal's actively smooching him in my mind as I'm typing this. She loves his chest! It's so warm and fuzzy and when she rests her head against it, she can hear his heartbeat and it feels very intimate and calming. It's also a pretty good base to rest her hands on when she's on top of him.

What parts of Tav’s body does their partner love the most?

I also answered this before soooooo:

Astarion loves her mouth, her lips. He's quite in awe how she makes other people open their doors the way he does with locks without a key. And he soon finds out that often times it's that smile, one that could only be described as "disarming", that makes people drop their defenses. Sure, there's something playing behind her pale lilac eyes as well, but the man's focused on her mouth more often than not. And throughout the years he notices the very subtle differences when that smile is honest and when it's not. He's drawn to the way she laughs around him. How her lips feel and taste when she kisses him, how warm they are when she presses them against his skin or when they're wrapped around him.

Lights on or off?

I mean, they both have darkvision, so it's not like it matters too much.

How sensitive are your Tav’s nipples?

The normal amount?

Does Tav like using sex potions \ spells? (which make them more horny or allow to make more rounds)

Honestly, I kind of see them experimenting with some things, for sure. Just to try them out. Like shrooms that makes you mega horny? Why not?

Does Tav initiate sex more often than their partner?

While Mal does initiate it at times, it's nothing compared to Astarion. I think it's also because he's much more comfortable and suave in that department and Maleane feels like she's stumbling in the dark more often than not.

i'm tagging either the closest pals OR any of you that encouraged me to do this ♥ if you don't want any part of this, let me know and imma promptly remove your tag!

@ruinbringer @euryalex @arduath @baldursgaye @sorceresslodge @vspin @kiaransalee @ansburg @sageofthestrange

#baldur's gate 3 #the bg3 adventures #oc: maleane #maleane/astarion #maleane/halsin #tag meme #this took me so long and some of these had me thinking hard #trying to figure her out #but i love her so much and it was so much fun to write her and try to see what she'd prefer and not #nsft

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to-the-stars8 · 2 years

Text

Learning to Love Slowly

Parings; Jason Todd x Reader 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 A/N; GUYS, has anyone ever thought about a medieval Jason Todd as a knight?? Because that sounds like a good ass story to write or fucking regency Jason todd? Fuck yes! I am really considering writing a story on either one. Honestly tho I feel like this isn't my favorite chapter ever but I hope you guys enjoy it! Also pls excuse me I love using the A/N as an outlet to talk to yall!! I also am adding the under-the-cut part (did I say that right?) bc I feel like this chapter was kind of edgy, for the lack of a better term. It's just more or less gets into a bit of trauma but also gets a bit graphic with the violence, too.

17- Robberies and Grandmas

You had been robbed once before, on the street, and Jason could still remember the angry tears on your face--He didn��t want to see that again.

Several Months Ago

“Give us your purse.”

You were turning around when someone pushed you up against a wall, causing you to lose all focus. It hurt when your cheek made contact with the bricks, sending you falling to the ground. A bit shaken by the fall, you tried to quickly recover, but a hand grabbed your arm, yanking you forward. Letting out a yelp, you tried to draw back, finally seeing two boys standing above you.

One of the boys yanked at your arm again in an attempt to get your purse off your shoulder while the other flashed the gun in his waistband. Scared, you relented, letting them shake off your bag before running off with it. You scrambled to your feet and stood in that spot for a moment from the utter shock before your body reacted by running to the nearest police department.

Through shaky breaths and tears, you explained what happened to the police officer who only shared a glance with his partner with a slightly amused smile. He offered you some papers to fill out saying that they would look into it. Unfortunately, you knew that meant little to nothing, especially in Gotham. Purse stealing was at the bottom of the list of crimes that you knew didn’t matter.

Still, you did the paperwork with some hope that something would come of it, but anger started to bubble in your chest.

When you got home Jason was there already like an angel sent from heaven. The moment your eyes landed on him you instantly broke down in anger, not at him but at everything that happened.

You felt helpless like you should have done something to defend yourself--That, just a little bit, you felt like the fault was all on your shoulders. Then there those asshole cops that you knew would do nothing which left even more anger not just at yourself but that this fucked city. Jason knelt before you as you lamented all this to him, sobbing through your words as you tried to describe what happened.

Despite trying to remember what happened, it all seemed to fall back in bits and pieces, but it was enough for Jason to get the picture.

“I feel so stupid,” You wept. “I should have…”

Jason knew what you were feeling a little too well. He had blamed himself for months after his death. His mind constantly ran through all the things he could have done differently. “No. No, don’t say that. You’re not.”

“But I didn’t do anything, Jason,” You whispered, looking up at him with tear-filled eyes. “I just let them…It’s my fault.”

“No, it’s not,” He said more firm this time. “You did the safest thing you could have done. No one can or should blame you for that.”

You reasoned with yourself at his words. It was common knowledge to let robbers take the things they wanted, whether that be a purse or wallet, to avoid escalation of a situation. Slowly, you nodded, sitting back on your heels to wipe away your tears.

Jason watched as you calmed yourself down, wishing he knew the words to say to comfort you. Anger bubbled in his chest the longer he stared at you. Your eyes were glassy from the tears, a dark spot blooming on your cheek from being pushed into the wall, and you seemed just overall shaken by the experience.

“I need to cancel my cards,” You said, getting up. Patting around yourself, you realized what was missing.“Fuck! My phone was in my purse, too.”

Jason stood with you, putting a hand on your back, though remaining at arm's length, and walked you over to the couch to sit. You thanked Jason, leaning back in an attempt to relax for a second so your anger would bubble over again.

After a few seconds of silence in which he sat in thought, Jason finally spoke up. “Rest for now. I’ll be back in a little while.”

What he said was so sudden that it took you until he was halfway out the door to ask about what he meant, but when had finished the question he was gone. Slumping back into your spot, you tried to relax as he said.

It was easy to track your phone since it was something Jason had done before, not your phone that is. He hopped from rooftop to rooftop as he watched the dot on his phone screen move closer to his red dot. It eventually led him to an old run-down apartment building in Park Rowe. Jason knew the place well, it’s where he had met Bruce and spent most of his youth jacking car parts. It was up and coming thanks to the Wayne foundation, but a lot of it had yet to be fixed.

Sliding down the fire escape, Jason hopped through the first open window he saw. It was an old lady’s apartment and the sight of the Red Hood made her gasp. She cowered in her little chair, holding her robe closer to herself. Jason found it a bit cute, not that he would ever admit it.

“Sorry, Lady,” Jason said, walking toward the front door. “Didn’t mean to scare ya just looking for…”

The words died on his lips when he saw your purse on the counter of the serving hatch. Jason knew it was yours because he was with you when you bought it. You liked it for the pockets, you had said.

Turning back to the terrified lady, Red Hood jabbed his thumb over his shoulder at the purse. “That wouldn’t happen to be yours, huh?”

The lady shook her head quickly, mumbling out a no. Nodding, Jason grabbed the purse and went through it, noticing instantly that your wallet was missing. He looked back up at the woman, but she seemed too old to be in on it. Plus, you had said it was two boys. Tucking it under his arm he started to open every door in the apartment, letting his anger show through every slam of the door.

“Say, lady, you wouldn’t happen to--” Jason started to yell before he opened the last door at the end of a hallway to reveal two older teenage kids huddled around the contents of your wallet. Cash and cards were displayed out for him and them to see. Horror crossed their faces when they saw the Red Hood standing at their doorway seemingly glaring down at them.

Jason thought it a bit of a pity that he found their reactions amusing, but ultimately decided he didn’t care if they were scared or not.

“I heard you kids were stealing from people,” He said, kneeling to their level.

Their faces turned nearly as red as his mask as they stumbled out explanations of how they would never steal, but he wasn’t having it---especially when the proof was in his hands. They were kids, sure, but they were old enough to know better. Still, Jason had stolen in this very part of the city before Batman entered his life, that was then. And he never tried to hurt anyone in the process.

Before they could finish their explanation he was ordering them to put everything on the floor back into the wallet. Even Jason was surprised by how stern his voice was, and for a second he felt like Batman when he was lecturing Robin.

When they presented him with the wallet, Jason put it back into the purse and then grabbed each boy by their shirt collar. They begged for forgiveness, but their pleas went willingly unheard.

“Hey, grandma,” Jason said as he entered the living room with the terrified grandma. Her eyes widened when she saw the boys in his grasp. “These fuckers have something to tell you.”

When they didn’t say anything he shoved their shoulders, hard. “Tell her!”

“Granny we, uh, we stole,” said the older boy, obviously humiliated.

Jason stepped up closer to the boy’s, leaning down to their height. “Tell her why you did it.”

The younger boy spoke up first, “We…we wanted to buy that new game console.”

Jason’s eyes couldn’t have rolled his eyes anymore and smacked the back of the boy’s head. Anything else, like needing food, he could easily forgive since it was a necessity. Even you would have been remorseful, but a damn game console? He reminded himself that these kids were that--Kids. They knew better, but they were still young and dumb. Really dumb. Sucking in a breath he started to say something before he was cut off.

The lady stood up suddenly, wagging her finger at them. “I work hard for you boys, and fuckin’ look at ya now! I got one of the Batmen in my damn living room.”

Snorting at the Batman comment, Jason let the boys go to endure the wrath of grandma, which he knew that there was no worse punishment. He started out the window, stopping to undo one of the guns on his holsters. The room fell into a terrified silence, watching as he took out the magazine to pop out two bullets.

Flicking each boy a bullet, he warned, “Clean yourselves up, kiddos, or that’s the bullet I’m putting in your fucking kneecaps. Do some honest shit before you end up in Blackgate.”

With that, he vanished into the night with your purse.

Jason returned to your apartment through the window, quietly stepping onto the wood floor, seeing you asleep on the couch. He put your purse on the coffee table so you would see it once you woke up, then grabbed a blanket folded on the corner. He put it over you, tucking it under your body so it wouldn’t fall off when you moved.

Watching you, Jason wished that he could just move to lay down in that big empty spot on the couch. He wanted to curl into your body to feel how warm you felt, and, maybe, sleep peacefully for once. Sighing, he talked himself back into reality. You didn’t like him like that. The two of you were just friends no matter how much more he wished it was more.

When he made a move to the window, you opened your eyes, making him stop. Sleepily, you sat up saying his name. It took you a moment to realize that your purse was now in front of you and, with a smile, thanked him graciously.

“Oh, Jason, I really cannot thank you enough--”

“Don’t mention it, please,” He asked, removing his helmet because, for some reason, he couldn’t meet your eyes under that damned thing. Explaining everything that happened, Jason watched as you lowered your head in embarrassment and shame.

“Holy shit,” You scoffed at yourself. “Some kids robbed me? Can’t feel safe from anyone in this city.”

“I’m sorry,” Jason said because nothing else came to mind. After a second he continued. “You’ll call me if you’re in danger? Or, if you even feel like you're in danger? I would like to help you make feel a little bit safer.”

You nodded, looking down at your hands, mumbling something about buying some pepper spray and a taser. “You always make me feel safe, Jay.”

Ignoring the blush, Jason mumbled something about getting you the mace and taser, then hurried toward the window. What you had said made him feel something that made fear crawl through him. He wished he knew it was love back then. You followed him to the landing of the fire escape where you thanked him one last time.

“You’re welcome,” He said, finally. “Get some rest. I’ll be nearby so call me for anything. It can be a bit scary after something like this, so I…I want to help, okay?”

You smiled, feeling a bit better. “Okay.”

#jason fluff #jason todd x you #robin jason todd #jason todd x reader #jason todd #jason todd fanfiction #red hood x reader #romance #batfamily #batman

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whereianonymouslypostfics · 11 months

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Hey! I love your work :) Could I please request something along the lines of 'insecurities' for the Silver Springs head cannons? Thanks either way <3

Thank you!!! I love this idea and mostly focused on earlier relationship stuff, but I definitely could see writing a 2nd or 3rd part too.

Insecurities pt. 1 (they have a lot 😢)

Warnings: angst, references to violence

(Wanda)

When Wanda met you, it didn’t take her long to realize how nice you were. You always said ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, and you refused to badmouth anyone unless they were truly terrible. Even then it was like pulling teeth. She’d seen how you never hesitated to offer someone help, and whenever the task was done, you’d never asked for anything in return.

Wanda loved this about you. She loved how you were so thoughtful and she wasn’t used to being around people like you. Given what she did for a living, the people who she interacted with weren’t nice as much as they were compliant or respectful due to their sense of obligation or fear. You weren’t like that. You offer something different that she really appreciates, and she wishes she could be the same way.

Before you really knew about what she did for a living, she’d always been afraid of scaring you away. Of course, the illegal aspect was a concern, but she was mostly worried about you seeing her differently. She isn’t the same person with you as she is with her employees or anyone else that she works with. She’d learned early on that she had to be tough to keep people’s loyalty, and sometimes even mean when people failed to meet her expectations. She didn’t make a habit of it, but she couldn’t say that she’d never hurt people to make a point, and she just knew that you wouldn’t be okay with this.

Needless to say, most of Wanda’s insecurities revolve around her job, but this was the earliest one. If you found out who she really was, and how she treated people when you weren’t around, she feared she would lose all of your respect.

For this reason, when you finally learned about her job, you both had agreed that the less you know, the better. You’d rather not have to fear that Wanda would be hurt all the time, and Wanda wants you to remain blissfully unaware of how cruel she could be.

Later in your relationship when you were kept busy in school, Wanda realized that you were often lonely. She wasn’t able to spend time with you very often because most of her work took place at night, and when she’d go a week or more without seeing you she always feared that you’d grow impatient.

You’d told her that you understand that her hours are horrible, but she knew that you wished to spend time with her either way. After a long day of classes and an afternoon of studying, you just wanted to curl up on the couch with her and watch a movie, or just relax. You got to do this maybe once a week, maybe once in two weeks. It wasn’t always the easiest, and sometimes you grew frustrated and you didn’t hide it well.

Especially on tough days, Wanda would hear in your voice how tired and disappointed you were, and it always made her feel guilty.

You deserved better than being lonely while you wait around for her to show up.

In those first few months, and even later in your relationship when things got really busy, she worried that you’d finally call it quits and find someone who could spend more time with you.

(Y/n)

You’ve never really felt like you were good enough to be with Wanda. Even before Vision came into the picture, the idea that this successful, beautiful, and secretly bashful woman wanted to be with you seemed comical. You weren’t exactly a slouch, but compared to her you feared you’d never measure up.

It took you at least a month to believe that Wanda really was interested in you for you, and not any other reason. You hadn’t really dated anyone before her, so everything was new and you honestly never thought you’d start at such a disadvantage.

Wanda seemed to always know what to say to make you smile. She could make you laugh like no one else could, and you felt comfortable with her. This was something that you weren’t sure you’d ever find as an introvert. Someone that you wanted to be around more than you wanted to be alone, and it was a little overwhelming.

You tried to follow her examples and put in the effort to make her happy, but sometimes you let yourself become intimidated. You liked Wanda a lot, but how long could you really humor the idea of being with her given your very different career trajectories?

Sometimes you overthought it to the point that you considered breaking up with her. You didn’t want to put her at risk or hold her back. When you first learned of how dangerous it could be for the two of you to be together, you’d considered calling it quits.

You didn’t want to because at that point you’d truly fallen head-over-heels in love with her, but was that really enough?

You’d taken a leap of faith and decided that the two of you could figure it out together. The two of you were good together and she loved you. She’d told you she did.

You were feeling good about your relationship for a while.

Then you met Vision. **

The very first time you’d visited the compound you ran into Vision and he made you feel insignificant within the first 30 seconds of talking to him. You’d begun to doubt your worth again to anyone, especially Wanda and you left feeling defeated.

You hadn’t wanted to bring it up with Wanda because you’d already discussed these feelings you had and she thought they were resolved. You’d hate to bring them back up and upset her, but the decision is taken away from you in the end.

Beyond feeling like you’re not good enough for Wanda, the more you learn about her job the more incapable you feel of taking care of her.

You know she’s tough and doesn’t need your help, but you wish you could offer it sometimes. Especially when she comes home a little worse for wear after a deal goes particularly poorly. The first time Wanda’s shot, you panic and ask Nat to teach you how to use a gun.

You want to be more prepared for whatever may come for both your and Wanda’s sake. You don’t want to be a liability if you can help it.

**I have a drabble planned for this unfortunate interaction

Headcanons masterlist

#wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda maximoff #wanda x reader #wanda x you #silver springs au #silver springs headcanon #mob au #let me know if you want a part 2 #I'll add it to my list

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fitzs-trained-monkey · 1 year

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Uh uh uh can i pls get a headcanon style post of finn dealing with his s/o's bipolar or borderline personality disorder? I was really touched by how u did ur autistic s/o kol post and it made me so happy and i feel like ud do other disorders/not "normal" things well bc ppl hardly do things out of the norm for x readers lol. But if its too hard im fine with just finn x autistic!reader djdjjdndnd its ok if u dont vibe with the req u dont have to do im happy with ur usual posts! Thank you!!!! 💚💚💚

Infinitely Ordinary

Finn Mikaelson x BPD!reader Headcanons || Here lies my Masterlist

Warnings: None

A/N: Please listen to Infinitely Ordinary by the Wrecks while you read this. You won't regret it.

Let's get one thing straight, right off the bat.

You're not an attention-seeker.

It's not that you crave validation or anything, it's just that people have so many expectations of how you should behave. Is it really that big of a crime for you to wish you were a little less bland?

Seriously, you live in a town populated by vampires, doppelgangers, hunters, witches, werewolves, and hybrids. And sure, you're not actually involved with any of that - which is great because you like being alive, actually - but it's just that…

Well, this is your life… and you feel like a side character.

When you were little, you never had a lot - never felt like you did anything exciting - so you made up a lot of stories.

You got really, really good at it. Yet, you stopped once you grew up a little bit and realized that everyone is actually pretty ordinary and you don't always have to stand out in order to be seen. You stopped because life was normal.

Until it wasn't.

As things got crazier in Mystic Falls, you started telling stories again.

You made things up. You lied.

You did it a lot.

Now, it was never anything bad - never anything harmful. You just wanted to be better. You didn't want to be slow, didn't want to be boring, didn't want to be left behind. You didn't want to be annoying or any inconvenience to… well to anyone.

So you just lied.

And, slowly, quietly, without you even really noticing - things got out of hand.

You didn't just tell lies. You started living them.

You said you liked things and people that you didn't. (You went out drinking with Damon Salvatore, who you absolutely despised, and he would always order you bourbon because you'd said that was your favorite too even though you would honestly rather just have a Coke.)

You told people that you'd been to places and cities you'd never so much as thought about visiting. (Then you spent hours researching literally everything you could possibly learn about those places in case someone asked you about them. You had to maintain the lie.)

You made up an entire personality - several of them. You became someone you simply weren't.

You went places you didn't want to go. Like the Mikaelson Ball for example.

That was where you met him.

It was so odd because he noticed you and you weren’t even doing anything. You were just standing at the bar, frowning into the drink Damon had ordered for you.

“Are the drinks not to your liking?” He just wandered up to you and asked.

Turns out, that one question was all you needed to break. You started panicking in the middle of the foyer. There were too many people around and too many people you needed to be all at the same time.

You didn’t even know his name but he took you out to the gardens of that mansion and you probably scared him out of his wits when you started screaming. You just had to get it out. Luckily, the Mikaelson’s had soundproof walls.

He just sat next to you with a hand on your shoulder until you finished screaming.

“Can I tell you something?” You’d asked. “You can’t tell anyone else.”

He just shrugged. “I have no one to tell.”

You ended up spilling the whole bloody story - all the lies you’d ever told and how sick you were of keeping up with them. You told him how trying to keep track of what lies you’d told to who was like riding on a carousel that never stopped spinning. You told him how empty you felt all the time. You told him how you felt like you were slowly going insane.

“I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

And somehow, he’d said exactly what you needed to hear.

“I don’t think who or what you are is important so much. It's what you do that matters.”

“And what should I do?”

“Perhaps… tell the lies that make you happy. Then go from there.”

“Is that what you do?”

He smiled. “Most days.”

Then you went home and that was that. Or so you thought.

You started seeing him around more often. Every time you saw him, you remembered what he’d said. His words, it turned out, made you rather happy and the changes from there came slowly. You stopped hanging out with people you hated. Stopped accepting things you didn’t want.

You asked him on a date before you asked him his name. The two of you went mini-golfing and it was spectacularly ordinary.

The two of you go on a lot of walks. They help you clear your head. It gets noisy in there sometimes. Luckily, Finn is a great listener.

You didn’t really stop lying exactly, but you started telling more truths and that was significant you thought.

His siblings make fun of both of you for being boring. He reassures you that's better than destroying yourself trying to be something you're not.

You didn’t really realize that your mood swings were actually mood swings until you met Kol. The two of you react to each other like thermite reacts to ice. That is to say - you can’t be in the same room for any amount of time without trying to tear one another’s throats out.

“Shut up. Shut up! SHUT UP!!!”

You would deck that kid if not for Finn. He had to pull you out of the room. He looked very concerned. Which was nice but you couldn’t understand why.

“Do you need to go somewhere to calm down?”

“Why? I’m not actually mad. He was just talking too much.”

It was Finn who suggested you go talk to someone. That was when you were diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Yet, he never judged you for it.

Provided you stayed away from Kol, your mood swings typically remain confined to less violent emotions. You get really excited over the smallest things and Finn thinks it is the purest thing he’s ever seen.

Both of you fear that the other is going to leave. In fact, when he told you what Esther was planning to do, you nearly lost your mind.

After spacing out for three hours or so, you made it your mission to throttle that witch. You told her she couldn’t kill him - that you weren’t afraid to kill her again if she tried. And it was true. You really weren’t afraid to kill in order to keep Finn around.

In hindsight, threatening the woman who created vampirism probably wasn’t a great idea. She threw you off the upstairs balcony.

Unfortunately for her, Finn saw the whole thing. You were willing to fight for him, whether it be his siblings or his mother.

He would return the favor. No matter the cost.

Tagging: @yn-ymn-yln@r13mar@rootbeerfaygo @iiskittles16ii @fandomrulesall-blog @dark-night-sky-99@railingsofsorrow@apolloroid@thatweirdoleigh@misswe03@eat-cake@felinegrate@cute-freak27@fayeatheart@archangelslollipop@aonungs-tsahik@sleepneverheardofher@heartbreakgrill@whatsupb18 @enchantedlandcoffee @trikigirl271@dreamingwithrafe@her-violent-delights@witchcraftandgeekness @dreamingwithrafe@acixsracix@susannahmikaelson Comment or DM me if you want to be added to my tag list!

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nerves-nebula · 5 months

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Are you ever you ever insecure about your art? And could you explain you answer to that?

Venting to you now

Drawing has taken a lot of effort for me, more than usual recently. I started working on something I originally felt really passionate about. It's more common for me to very quickly give up or get bored so I was really excited to be able to post some artwork. But I ended up not liking the result and I'm not sure if I'm willing to try something else. I've given up on trying in a lot of parts of life to try and save energy to do something I thought I was passionate about (art) but I am still lacking the motivation. The reason I reason I really wanted to share it was because I'm terrible with self-motivation. If I can't make at least one person genuinely go 'oh, neat' even for just a second and even if they soon forgot later, I'd feel like I'd have a reason to keep living (to keep making art). If the only people who'd see it end up disappointed I'd want to disappear.

It's not what art should be. I know it's value is like a person's. It's worth more than how someone reacts to it, right? But I can't apply that rule to myself. I should seek support from the people who 'know' and actually care about me, but I don't want their appreciation. I want some imagery status of a 'good artist' because that's what seems to give me dopamine.

I also wanted to mention how much I admire how open you are with your struggles. I want to be the same but I'm scared of people thinking less of me. I know that's dumb but I don't know what I'm good for if I can't make people happy. If I'm not going to be content with myself I want to not be a nuisance at least. I like to think that if I stopped caring about my impression on people, I'd be better off. But I'm scared that I'd have to learn to like myself. I don't like myself and I have no interest in liking myself. I don't see the point.

oh boy, this is gonna be a long one. also, don't take anything i say too seriously, i don't know your situation and I'm barely an adult. anyway, response under the cut

soo lately I'm less insecure about my art and more frustrated when things don't come out well. but i still post that shit !!! I'm still insecure if i'm doing, say, a project for homework, and i don't think i did as well as I could have, but in my personal artistic endeavors it's more about getting it done than it being perfect (for example, my webcomic! my motto is any comic made is better than no comic made and if people don't like that then it wasn't for them in the first place)

the thing about me is that drawing and art and stories is all i've ever had. it's my main form of interacting with the world. these days i make art the same way I live, which is to say in spite of wanting to kill myself. I would LIKE if my art was perfect, and i would LIKE to not be in pain. but i AM in pain and i have to live anyway, and my art ISN'T perfect but i'll make it anyway.

and i like when other people's art isn't perfect either, when it isnt super polished. I think that definitely helped. seeing artists whose work i fell head over heels for when it's never been more than sketches and a bit of shading. it really cemented in my mind that it isn't art being technically perfect that makes it worth while.

i've gotten a lot of people saying kind things to me, saying how much they enjoy my art and my blog in general. and though it doesn't always help, it sometimes inspires me to imagine the number of people who appreciate my stuff who might never mention it to me. I myself am used to lurking and not interacting very much (a habit I'm trying to change since I know artists & creators love feedback most of the time) i know it sucks to not know if anyone gives a shit for sure, but you really can't make that your only reason for doing art, cuz half the time you prolly wont even know if your art deeply affects people or not. it's fine to want that attention but you gotta have something else goin on too, at least I do.

i also know the fear of worrying that you'll lock yourself into something you don't want to do, or something you'll lose passion for. for me, I generally rotate a cast of characters & interests around for years a time before making significant progress. There were spans of times where I'd go years without thinking about loose stitches, but none of that time developing other stories & characters was wasted. it gave loose stitches enough time to properly cook, and the story is still developing under my hands as i draw it, influenced by my other stories and other characters.

it's ok to abandon something and pick it up again years later, or to never pick it up again at all. it's ok to hate the way something turns out but to keep making it anyway because you have to move forward (at least, I do)

moving forward despite not liking the original product is the only way to progress, I think. I don't super like a lot of the first pages of loose stitches but I'm still grateful that past-me posted them because that means present me is at page 76 !!

If I can't make at least one person genuinely go 'oh, neat' even for just a second and even if they soon forgot later, I'd feel like I'd have a reason to keep living (to keep making art). If the only people who'd see it end up disappointed I'd want to disappear.

the problem with this mindset (in my opinion) is that some people aren't going to like your art and that's got nothing to do with the art itself. if you want to find people who go "oh, neat" then you have to keep posting until they see it. trust me, they're out there. like, i don't post for people who can't stand the idea of child abuse, i post to FIND people who want to interact with stories about child abuse the same way i do.

it would be insane to stop trying to find those people because someone else was disappointed or upset by my art. which isn't to say you gotta lock yourself into doing one thing, but that you gotta post what you care about, and people who also care will find it. posting fandom stuff with the same themes as your original art certainly doesn't hurt either, if you REALLY want to find those people faster.

art should be literally whatever. it's worth is literally whatever you want, it can be a big deal or not. i'm not sure what part of being a "good artist" gives your brain the Good Feelings juice but I'd investigate that feeling more and try to figure out the roots of it, cuz then you might actually be able to figure out what it is that motivates you. approval is nice, yes, but i like approval for things i enjoyed making even more.

i always find it amusing when people refer to my "struggles" if only because I don't really consider them that way. to me it's just like, a thing that happened that sucks. i don't consider myself "struggling" with it, even though I guess that's what's happening. also, let's be real here, it's not like I'm using my real name. this is an anonymous tumblr blog. though, my openess on here has actually lead to me making more art about it IRL so. eh.

anyway, lucky for you, you can stop caring about what other people think without necessarily liking yourself! for me, it's about spite (sort of). I don't like myself much more than I used to, I just decided I hated everyone else more haha. I still care what people think about me, and I'm still scared of what people might do to me, but I'm also not bending over backwards to please people i dislike. I just get annoyed at them instead.

i did this basically just by repeating it until it became true, lol. there's only so many times you can petulantly say "well fuck those guys anyway they suck" before it becomes your true first reaction.

at some point, i decided i needed to pick and choose who i wanted to please, because it can't be everyone. that's just literally not possible. so i looked at the kinds of people i liked and appreciated, and basically disregarded everyone else. it's the whole "don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from" thing (not sure where that comes from)

obviously you should probably try to internalize the idea that you even HAVE to be "good for something" but that's way easier said than done. i find it more useful to devote yourself to finding a few things (causes, people, philosophies, niche interests) instead of just general usefulness. because then you can form stronger relationships, be useful, AND not burn yourself out trying to please everyone.

take all this advice with a grain of salt though, I definitely need therapy and this Bitter Angry Defensive persona will probably need to be deconstructed soon... idk. i think it's outlived its usefulness to me but i'm not sure what to do next hahah.

sorry if none of this was helpful or the point. im not even sure why i wrote this much, i kind of just ramble sometimes. i hope you figure it out!

#nnstuff #ask #asks are sweethearts

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falsettos-tight-knit-family · 4 months

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30 Falsettos Challenge in 2 Days (Part 2)

16) A Character You'd Want To Date: Whizzer. No questions asked. Next-

17) A Character You Want To Get To Know Better: As I said before, I'd love to know more about Charlotte as a character because I love the lesbians and I feel like even Cordelia got more fleshing out than she did.

18) Best Decision Someone Made In The Musical: Jason choosing to have his Bar Mitzvah in Whizzer's hospital room is something that still emotionally pains me every time I hear that song tbh

19) One Character You'd Want To Sing With: I'd take either part in any Whizzvin duet, especially if we're talking about Christian and Andrew's versions, they both have such good voices to harmonize with.

20) Favorite Cast Member: Andrew Rannells. I became immediately obsessed with other stuff he's done (I want to watch Black Monday and The New Normal so bad, but my family doesn't have Amazon Prime). Only when I watched the Thanksgiving side by side did I realize that the entire cast is incredibly chaotic in the best of ways and has such good chemistry together.

21) To Try To Convince Someone To Watch Falsettos, What Would You Show Them? I've already done this twice with my friends, the first thing I show them is a very specific compilation on youtube (Falsettos Act 1 Moments That Make Me Scream), because it's the same way I got into Falsettos to begin with

22) Which Act Did You Prefer? In terms of just music, probably Act 1 because I always lean towards more upbeat songs and it has less of a chance to make me burst out crying while watching/listening to it. But in terms of which I'd rather watch, I'd for sure say Act 2. The lesbians are there, you get to see Marvin and Whizzer get back together along with all of his and everyone else's character development, the story is absolutely heartbreaking, and I could go on-

23) Something That Makes You Passionately Rant: There's so many details between Unlikely Lovers through the end of What Would I Do that I feel the need to rant about. This is all stream of consciousness written at 2 am, so fair warning and I hope it all makes some kind of sense. So I talked briefly about Unlikely Lovers in another question, but ever since I saw someone point out how one of the reasons Whizzer probably wanted Marvin to go home was because he didn't want Marvin to have to wake up next to him if he died in his sleep, which I believe is true and the implication that he would rather spend what is hypothetically his last night alone, than for Marvin to have to go through that hurts me so bad- I already talked about the Cordelia part, but I will bring it up again because it is literally the first time we see her sad and it needs to be acknowledged more often. Jason praying to God and asking him for something for what appears to be the first time ("I don't think we've ever really spoken"). He doesn't know if God exists, but he's praying and hoping that if He does, He can somehow help Whizzer. In the Something Bad Reprise, when Charlotte says the line about AIDS being infectious, it feels like there's hardly a reaction on Marvin's end. As if he's already lost so much in the few weeks since learning Whizzer had it, that he's either numb/not surprised anymore or just doesn't care as much if he lives or dies if Whizzer will be gone by then anyway. I don't think there's much to be pointed out about You Gotta Die Sometime, but I do want to bring up how the end of that song immediately transitions into Jason's Bar Mitzvah. Whizzer finally let himself feel scared and just had an emotional breakdown over accepting the fact that he's about to die. He was sobbing by the time the transition happened and it's still noticeable as Jason starts singing. He's terrified that he's going to die, and now everyone he cares about is suddenly here. In his hospital room. All together here to celebrate one of the most important days in Jason's life, with Whizzer, who just two years ago was only known as Marvin's male lover. The one who broke up the family. Now he was part of the family, the one bringing them all together. Again, What Would I Do is just depressing even on surface level. I know everyone says they cry over "We're just gonna skip that stage" and i understand that, I'm much more emotionally damaged by Marvin's "I'd do it again. I'd like to believe that I'd do it again and again and again" which aside from showing how much he's grown since the beginning, he's not only saying he'd go through all that drama and heartache just to be with Whizzer every single time, but he also knows at this point that he is also most likely going to die directly because he was involved with Whizzer. And still, he'd do it all again for him (As I write this I am not okay-). Oh and also, in Days Like This, right before the song starts, Marvin very clearly puts on a fake smile to try and make Whizzer feel better and it really does need to be appreciated more-

24) A Character From Another Musical You'd Like To See In Falsettos: After that essay of pure sadness, I'm gonna go for the funny route and say Elder Price, not for anything story or even character related (because idk enough about the story or characters of BoM), but purely because it's Andrew Rannells² and I think the reactions to someone who looks just like Whizzer would be funny

25) A Character You Can Identify With: As much as I'd love to say Whizzer (and I do identify with him to an extent), it has to be Cordelia. Her general aura of happiness and energy, being the only one entertained by Marvin during The Baseball Game, and awkwardly laughing at Mendel's bad jokes, all are things I heavily relate to-

26) Favorite Non-Romantic Relationship: Whizzer and Jason's stepfather-son bond. I love them so so much, I wholeheartedly think that he was Jason's best dad of the 3. He came to his baseball game, despite being broken up with his father for 2 years and even when not part of the family, made it clear to everyone that he loves Jason ("I love baseball. I love Jason" "I love Jason, but this is not his venue"). He was the one who stood up and taught him how to swing the bat correctly and supported him fully, even though he knew as well as anyone that Jason wasn't great at the game. I will never be over this

--- 27) Favorite Quote/One Part Of A Song: Well the "kill your mother" line is taken from earlier so I'll say during Everyone Tells Jason To See a Psychiatrist, from when they introduced Whizzer like a Heather and through to the end of the song. The dramatic entrance, the head flick, Whizzer’s excited smile when Jason says he’ll go, Marvin mocking Trina’s hand movements during “they don’t make house calls” it’s all great

28) Something A Character Did That Pissed You Off: Marvin hitting Trina would be too obvious and the Chess Game was a metaphor, but Marvin in This Had Better Come to a Stop when he says Whizzer should "Always be here, making dinner, set to screw" and just being generally hypocritical (ex. "Whizzer screws too much to see what a joy's monogamy" sir you cheated on your wife and want to have both her and Whizzer at the same time. Idc if it's not sexual, it sure as hell isn't traditional monogamy)

29) A Photo/Edit/Manip That Makes You Happy: Here’s a couple of many behind the scenes pictures that make me smile (yes one is technically a gif)

Can you tell I love Andrew Rannells?

30) Something Else About The Musical You Want To Add (Wildcard): You know what I'm gonna simp in the wildcard- The way Andrew says a couple of his lines, specifically in the proshot, are randomly very attractive to me. I specifically mean "Hang up your clothes Marvin, breeding shows, Marvin" in TTOFL and "Sex and games in New York City" in A Day In Falsettoland. Also, idk if this is simp worthy or not, but the higher harmonies Christian hits in some of the songs (ex. Unlikely Lovers) are so pretty and super satisfying to listen to

#falsettos #falsettos challenge #Whizzer brown #Marvin gardens #trina weisenbachfeld #mendel weisenbachfeld #jason weisenbachfeld #charlotte dubois #cordelia falsettos

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millaneyy · 10 months

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Why TOTK Ganondorf is the best Ganondorf in the series

This became a bit of an essay by accident hehe

Goes without saying: HUGE MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR THE FINAL BOSS AND ENTIRE STORY!!! All the gifs used are my own, and even though they're a bit crunchy, feel free to use them as you wish!

Anyways, starting at the start.

The Character

I'm not exactly a long time Zelda fan (botw was my first proper zelda game), and therefore didn’t know that much about Ganondorf before I saw him in the trailer and decided to research the lore like a crazy person. Based off of that, I think that Wind Waker Ganondorf is the best by far.

He had such an interesting aura to him- less like a power hungry madman and more like a wise old king who was also very evil, and his motivation made it difficult to see him as a true villain. As they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. His whole plan revolved around the fact that the Gerudo people, his people, were left to suffer in the desert while the rest of Hyrule prospered, and he decided to take action. At least, that's what I remember. Please correct me if I have that messed up!!

Anyways, I think that motivation is what makes WW G-man cool- he's a total asshole, yes, but he has this kind of twisted honour that almost makes you feel bad for him. And this brings me to my one little gripe about TOTK Ganondorf- he doesn’t really seem to have a motivation? At least, not that I heard of. So in that sense, he doesn’t really feel as driven as WW Ganon. We never learn WHY he wanted to rule over Hyrule, he kinda just did. He wanted power, that much was obvious, but that was it. On the other hand though, it’s always fun to have a villain who’s evil for the sake of being evil, and it didn’t detract at all from his presence in the game.

And boy, is he a PRESENCE. Some of his lines are incredibly cold- "I will rule. That is what a king must do" WITH THE ORGAN IN THE BACKGROUND AND HIS DEMON KING TITLE ON THE SCREEN, or "Do not look away, you witness a king's revival" (the line that drove the whole community insane for a little while- if you know you know) as he draws his sword with all the confidence of a centuries old evil incarnate.

Even better- "I will be taking far more than your arm this time", as if Ganondorf, through the Calamity, hasn't taken away everything Link knew and loved already. This dude is crazy.

(And a little bonus that I found out about right before posting this- apparently in the Japanese version, he does have a very clear motive? But it was lost in translation? I need to research that a bit more though. If you know anything about that, do tell!!)

Now, with that out of the way...

The Build Up

Thematically, I think that the build up to his fight is pretty awesome, even compared to the other three G's. If you did the entire story (geoglyphs included) beforehand, then you know that this dude:

a) straight up killed someone with his bare hands (he wasn't holding the knife when he killed Sonia, so I kind of just assumed he broke her spine or something)

b) is so powerful that 7 of the strongest warriors in Hyrule WITH secret stones couldn't defeat him, and was only taken down by sealing his power away- which is still only a temporary solution

c) lived on after reawakening despite being an actual emaciated corpse

d) was so busted that even in (kind of) death, the essence of his power (the malice) that leaked out of his seal was strong enough on its own to completely DECIMATE Hyrule

So yeah, I was a little scared on my way down because I knew this guy was going to kick my ass (spoiler alert: he did).

The little gauntlet of monsters to fight as you descend was pretty sick, and serves as a fairly good warmup for the army later on. The silver lynel totally caught me off guard though. As you get closer to the lowest point in Hyrule, you end up amassing some of the most powerful weapons imaginable thanks to all the silver enemies, which got me feeling so goddamn strong! That's important later.

And eventually, getting to the Forgotten Foundation and realising that I was back in the prologue area as that scary music started back up sent chills down my spine.

And the music. THE MUSIC.

youtube

Give this a listen (youtube because soundcloud links are jank, sorry)- skip to about 2:00 because that's the bit I'm talking about!

As you get deeper and deeper, the music gets more and more intense- and if there’s one thing I absolutely adore about TOTK, it’s the dynamic music throughout (see example: THE DUNGEON THEMES). The use of music that changes as you go- and this is by far the best example.

At first, you don’t really notice it while you’re preoccupied. You’re more focused on weapons and monsters and all that mess. But the first time I really noticed it was, as I said, when I realised I was in the prologue. The cut up voice clips and the drone in the background are a little creepy, and remind you of what happened the last time you tried to fight this guy,

Then, it starts to develop once you walk past the mural. There’s the choral singing, the drone in the background picks up into something with more melody, and the entire run up to the boss is completely enemy free- it gives you time to let the circumstances sink in as the music swells and you approach the heart of the depths. Also, the music builds as you get deeper and deeper, which from what I know is a subversion from the usual "music building as you climb his tower" or whatever he's in normally. Very nice.

Idk about you guys, but I slow walked down there for the DRAMATIC EFFECT.

At about 3 minutes into the video is how it sounds when you dive into the imprisoning chamber, where it all started (and I'll talk more about the parallels between this and the prologue another time... THE TORCH AUGHHSYWJHFH) and keep trucking on through the gloom, the horror movie piano kicking in as you walk through the final tunnel and stand on the precipice overlooking the dark, unknown pit below...

And jump.

Then the track finally reaches its climax as everything starts to overlap, the bells and organ (i think thats what it is?) screaming at you in the background as you fall, making the song feel like an epic of vengeance. There's so much dread, and an underlying ominous/threatening feeling that encapsulates the fact that Ganondorf is the embodiment of an ancient evil, one that has tormented Hyrule for centuries- but at the same time, there's an element of finality and inevitability, because you're going to put that evil down, and make up for all the grief and the death and loss that constantly follows in his wake.

I mean, just listen to the last 30 seconds or so of that track and tell me you don't feel excited. In awe. Because I deadass teleported back up to the mural just to hear it again.

I think I got a little carried away there, but moving on to the bit you probably came here for…

The Fight

Phase one - The Demon King's Army

Remember how I mentioned that the earlier monsters and busted weapons make you feel powerful? This is basically that x10.

The whole sequence feels very epic, ESPECIALLY after the build up, and with the appearance of the Sages mirroring the attack of the Champions from BOTW, it almost feels like victory is assured already as you cut down hordes of monsters with practically no effort, all while the strings in the background kick in and get more intense with every wave.

This serves to make you feel even more like God- taking out waves and waves of fairly tough enemies made me feel like I was on top, like nothing could stand in my way. It's pretty cool, a good way of integrating the monster army you keep seeing in the cutscenes, and manages to keep the energy from the descent going pretty well, while also being a casual reminder that this Ganondorf bloke can summon world ending horrors at will. ESPECIALLY when the dungeon bosses come back to life and force the Sages to stay behind.

Phase two - The Menace Unleashed

youtube

Once again, the music goes absolutely crazy. The first phase feels intense, but still like the fight is only just beginning. Just an ambient drone, near silent as he approaches, picking up as you start to duel. No one is here to help- no Sages, no Zelda- just Link and Ganondorf, a rematch that's been in the making since 2006.

If the army battle makes you feel powerful, then the first few seconds of this fight are what takes that power away- because this guy is a total damage sponge and moved a lot faster than I could predict. Additionally, you can't fast travel outside to heal gloom hearts if you have medallions set up (i thought i was so smart for that too), so if you used all of your sunny food during the army, you're doomed.

Most of his attacks in this phase are fairly simple, with only one or two for each weapon he can wield (and tbh the switching weapons really threw me the first time), but like I said, he goes pretty fast. Therefore, if you're like me and can't differentiate some of his tells, you're also going to lose a lot of hearts very fast. And did I mention he gives you gloom hearts instead of normal damage? Again, no sunny food = death of the instant kind.

On top of the general stress of trying to get the timing down, there were a couple of moments in this phase alone that had me yelling something along the lines of "WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT"- one of which being some of the tricks he pulls under certain conditions. For example; a standard looking sword attack where he swings once, then as you lower your shield to get a hit in, as you naturally would, he swings at you again. He also kicks you if you hang too close, and fires off some of his gloom attacks faster if you're trying to attack him as he charges. It makes him feel more like an actual person you're fighting, and stops you from hanging close and swinging wildly the whole time.

(i was going to make this a video, but tumblr only lets you add one. anyways, see what i said about him swinging again if you lower the shield?)

As well as that, he taunts and mocks you when you get hit- make any misstep or stumble into an attack, and he'll laugh and insult your skill while he casually walks up to you like the absolute gigachad he is. It's not like the Twilight Princess walk where it feels a bit slow- this walk made me feel THREATENED. Circling in the opposite direction when he circled me with the spear made me feel like a pro swordsman. On one hand, I thought the taunting was super cool as a mechanic! On the other hand it made me want to kill him even harder.

And the other moment that made my jaw drop? This guy. Can DODGE your regular attacks AND FLURRY RUSH. And by flurry rush I mean take a really tough/fast swing at you. BUT STILL.

For as long as I can remember, the perfect dodge and flurry rush have given Link an unfair edge over most enemies and bosses- it's an opening to deal mass damage with no counters. It’s made link OP against everything the game throws at him- up until right now. This highlights the fact that Ganondorf is no pushover- him and Link are evenly matched, and you’ll need some actual consistent skill to take him out. The good news is that your own flurries are still pretty powerful, and 5 or 6 are enough to start the next phase.

As the fight progresses and his health starts to go down, the music starts to build up more (at about 1:25 in the video above)- the barely present drums starting to speed up and get louder, accompanied by sporadic piano, more choral snippets, and an ominous undertone as their duel grows more intense, eventually building to a climax and slowing down a tad (2:45) as he activates his secret stone and transforms, beginning the third phase.

Phase three and four - Master of the Secret Stone

Well this one was certainly something. Once again I jumped out of my seat and YELLED when his health bar started to refill past the normal amount, all the way off of my screen. It just didn’t stop. There are no words to describe the primal fear of realising how insanely busted this dude was. I tried to get it on the gif up there, but that made the video too long to convert :(

The music here is my favourite bit of the whole phase- as you face down the powered up Ganondorf and his phantoms, you hear the familiar but melancholy motif of BOTW/Dark Beast playing around the same time the Sages show up once again to deal with said phantoms (at about 3:22). For a second it's just that- melancholy, encapsulating the same kind of hopelessness that followed Calamity Ganon 100 years ago. But at the same time, as your squad comes to assist, you're reminded of the Champions and their aid, and suddenly it feels like you could still turn the tides of this seemingly impossible battle. Just like you did with the Calamity.

Yes it was cool, and yes I nearly cried.

The phantoms were actually the worst for a minute or so- it takes a while for the all of the Sages to appear and lighten the burden, meaning that you end up needing to take on 2-5 of these guys at once as well as the real deal. This got me killed more times than I'd like to admit. Once all the Sages arrive, the arena becomes a complete warzone with everyone duking it out at once, the real Ganondorf’s attacks start to get faster and harder hitting, and he starts to dodge and rush you more often- even dodging more of your attacks and forcing you to flurry him, so if you don’t have your timing down, this is awful. Not to mention, it's very easy to lock on to the wrong Ganon, which makes it harder to block the real attacks with a shield.

And also, this is the point where he starts destroying literally all of your shields in just a few hits, meaning that if you can't dodge or parry, then it's only so long until you're left defenceless.

Aside from that, this phase plays out like the Phantom Ganon fight in the Castle until you get his health bar down about halfway, when he recalls the phantoms and biden blasts the Sages away, beckoning Link forwards and starting phase four, which is basically phase two again but insane.

This is where the fight- for me, at least- became incredibly difficult, since Ganondorf not only dodges your regular attacks, but also dodges your flurry rushes and counters with his own EVERY SINGLE TIME, forcing you to flurry rush again to hit him. Not only does this require perfect timing, but is also the only way to damage him for the remainder of this fight (unless you cheese it with arrows or sneak in some hits in while he's switching weapons- but the latter is dangerous since he still attacks faster when you're close).

A little video to emphasise the flurry rush thing; the timing for that second dodge had to be dead on. What you can't hear is me yelling something along the lines of "GOD, FINALLY" after dying to this phase many times and mashing the y button like my life depended on it. LOOK HOW FAST THAT MF IS ON THE SECOND ATTACK

The soundtrack becomes super crazy again, this time using the motif of Calamity Ganon/the Blights (starts at 5:00, and you can also hear it in the video above) and bringing back that sense of hopelessness again- but this time with with a strong side of excitement since you're now in the final stretch of the fight. Because the Blights were supposed to be the equal match for each Champion, this bit of the theme makes it feel like Ganondorf is an equal match to Link- which I know I've said already, but that's kind of the thing that's blown me away the most about the whole battle.

It's the fact that you can't just wail on him and spam flurry rushes without him countering you in some way- which in this case mostly consists of him dodging you and attacking back at an insane speed. This isn't like Calamity Ganon where you just hit and dodge for five minutes, this is an actual proper swordfight, and exactly what I'd been hoping for from the final boss!

Additionally, the Blight/Calamity motif (well, more like entire theme) represents his ties to Calamity Ganon, the force of nature that took Link 2 tries to beat (with death included), and it's use in this part of the battle tells you that right now, Ganondorf possesses the same level of destructive power as that thing- and he's sure as hell going to make sure you know that.

As well as the whole "dodging the flurry rush and forcing you to pull it off twice" thing, he also pulls out a few more projectile based attacks. These aren't too bad (WE GET THE RETURN OF ARCANE PING PONG FROM OOT), but he usually follows them up with a quick swing, making them a distraction that takes a while to get used to.

And finally, as a last little surprise, getting hit by any of his gloom projectiles in this phase takes away one of your maximum hearts. PERMANENTLY. Not like the gloom hearts, where you can get them back and then heal. Nope. That shit is gone gone.

Once you finally whittle down his ridiculous health bar, we launch into the customary "massive beast" style phase as he straight up just rips the secret stone out of his head and eats it, giving up his mind, body and soul for the sake of defeating Link, becoming a Dragon and escaping through the top of the arena.

Phase five - Draconified Demon King

So like I said above, the Demon Dragon is basically Dark Beast 2, except it's so much cooler! The cutscene does a great job of highlighting the insane size of this guy- it's like 3x the size of the already massive elemental dragons and emerges from the depths in a way that eerily resembles the Calamity, right down to the glowing yellow eyes. And yeah, that's probably the point, but it's still cool.

Luckily for Link, Zelda/the Light Dragon swoops in and rescues him from the jaws of death (literally), taking him high up into the air so he can attack from above. It's an absolute spectacle, and the epic style remix of the game's main theme that plays makes it even better, instilling the same level of awe that Dark Beast does- at least for me.

Just like DB, the fight has you up against a massive malice/gloom infused monster (the dragon, in this case), getting close and attacking it's weak points and then finishing it off by destroying the secret stone on it's head. There's a lot of downtime, which is kind of to be expected with this style of fight, but I honestly don't mind because these colossal battles are supposed to feel less like a Dark Souls boss and more like a victory lap- like a "you're Link, the legendary hero, slaying this massive beast in the name of Hyrule" kind of thing.

My personal favourite bit of this whole phase is the fact that when you dive down to the Dragon's weak points, Zelda dives down next to you to get underneath and catch you afterwards. So sick. I also really like the use of skydiving! It pairs super well with the music and made me think of that final trailer we got in April- like THIS is the epicness we were promised.

(and also dodging the fireballs was way more fun than slowly sidestepping a laser. sorry dark beast, but i gotta say it </3)

Final thoughts

I'm gonna be honest: I kind of forgot to compare his fight to the other 3 mainline ones, but doing that now would make this way too long! I just love the TOTK fight so much and needed to get it out.

While I'd still say that each Ganondorf (in the mainline games) has their own unique trait that makes them cool: OOT Ganondorf is the original, and the most cunning, WW Ganondorf has the best character and TP Ganondorf is the most evil by a mile- TOTK Ganondorf feels like a combination of those best traits (minus the characterisation) paired with the greatest final boss I've ever seen in a Zelda game, which makes him the best for me.

The first phase in particular was my favourite- wayyyyy back in April when I saw big G in the trailer, my first thought was "oh man i hope we get an actual sword fight boss instead of calamity ganon 2.0" AND MY PRAYERS WERE ANSWERED!!!

Ganondorf literally just rolled up, delivered some cold lines, and then kicked my ass with his cool sword. Many times. And I think that's exactly the kind of boss fight he deserves. I'm just so happy that it feels like we're in an actual duel, mano a mano, instead of just being able to chance a win like with Calamity.

FIN

thank you for reading my zelda obsessed rambles! i just beat the boss last night and have been working on this on and off all day, so any reblogs or shares would be massively appreciated <3

GANONDORF FANS UNITE!!!!

#totk spoilers #totk ganondorf #totk thoughts #tears of the kingdom #long post #i'm not joking this is a whole essay #i'm just so goddamn happy that we got a GOOD final boss in comparison to calamity ganon #don't get me wrong i love botw #but calamity ganon was just so shit. it was basically another blight #dark beast was cool though. i'll die on that hill #certified millaney moment

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sionisjaune · 2 years

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Notes on “18: Nico Rosberg: ‘I don’t miss the driving, but I do miss the winning...’“

Nico Rosberg on F1: Beyond the Grid, 2018

On cooling relations [21:20]

Clarkson: Why did relations [with Lewis] cool?

Rosberg: ‘Cool’ is a very neutral word.

Clarkson: [laughing] A bit benign.

Rosberg: It seems a bit further downwards than cool.

Clarkson: But why did it cool so quickly?

Rosberg: It’s just because there was so much at stake. So much.

On the Best of All Time [09:59]

Clarkson: Did Michael live up to expectations?

Rosberg: [inhaling] Well, no. He didn’t.

On marginal gains [16:07]

Rosberg: I worked on my gloves to remove any kind of seams or any kind of patches that were between my finger and the clutch pedal to really get the best possible feel and make it as thin as possible. And that really helped me as well, going away from the way the standard Puma glove was done, to making it custom-made just for myself. The way the clutch finger -- just the finger, yeah? -- is modeled, that was a huge help for me. I had a string of four, five races where I nailed the starts, and then Lewis was wondering, ‘What the hell is going on? Why is he doing starts so well?” and then he took over that glove design as well.

On his work with a psychologist [32:18]

Rosberg: I worked with a psychologist for many, many years in F1, and especially in the last year, very, very intensely. We’d do two hour sessions every second day -- huge efforts.

Clarkson: How would that help you?

Rosberg: [pause] Learning about myself. Learning how to approach life. Learning how to cope with emotions that come, because you can't switch off emotions when they come. But if you understand them -- why are they there? -- you can react much better and much more appropriately. And that has a huge snowball effect.

Clarkson: When inside the car or outside?

Rosberg: Everywhere. Everywhere. Except in the last four laps in Abu Dhabi, where nothing helped. [laughing] Just a complete, out of control situation. I tried all my meditation tricks -- nothing worked.

On perfect endings [38:50]

Clarkson: There isn’t a tiny bit of you that’s intrigued to see what these new, slightly wider Formula 1 cars are like? I just find it amazing that you’ve been able to just switch it off as quickly as you were able to do.

Rosberg: It comes with fulfillment, because I really managed to accept, in my head, that this is the perfect way for my career to come to an end.

...

Clarkson: You wouldn’t be worried that [driving a current F1 car] would reopen something in your mind?

Rosberg: [interrupting] No, no, no. That’s passed.

On Keke Rosberg’s absence at the 2016 Abu Dhabi Grand Prix [41:29]

Clarkson: I remember your dad, I think, watched the Abu Dhabi race in ‘16 from Dubai -- is that right? And then he came over after the race?

Rosberg: Yeah. Because he was supposed to come, and then suddenly he realised, ‘Hmm, maybe that’s not such a good idea.’ So he called me, and he said, ‘Do you think it actually makes sense that I’m coming to that last race, although I’ve never come to any other races?’ I’m like, ‘No. That does not make sense. You’re going to walk in the paddock, and it’s going to create total chaos.’

On legacy [42:36]

Clarkson: So, two Rosbergs have won the world title. You’ve got two lovely girls. What’s the chance...

Rosberg: [quickly] No, no. I really hope not. I’d be so scared.

Clarkson: [laughing] Why?

Rosberg: I’m quite a scared dad, and that would not be good.

On keeping his daughters grounded [44:40]

Rosberg: I like to think I’m quite a good example of someone who did manage to not completely lose his head while growing up in Monaco.

On attitude versus results in parenting [45:44]

Rosberg: Even now, I’m trying to reward attitude rather than result. It’s so wrong that everything we do in life goes by result. So, someone who just has less natural talent won’t be able to get that result even though he’s been putting so much more passion into it, tried so much harder than the guy who had the talent. And yet it’s the guy who has the talent who gets rewarded by the whole world with applause.

On fame and attraction [50:34]

Clarkson: Does it help that Vivian knew you before you were famous?

Rosberg: Yeah, I’m sure it does. Yeah. Because unfortunately your fame and money will always play a role in the way you are attractive to somebody else. You can’t switch that part off. But it’s a difficult one. So I’m very lucky that we met when we were eighteen years old, and I was just nobody.

On his new hobbies [54:32]

Clarkson: Have you taken up any new hobbies, sports that you weren’t allowed to do when you were driving, because contractually it was too dangerous? Paragliding? Horse riding?

Rosberg: Nothing.

Clarkson: No?

Rosberg: No. Nothing new. [suddenly] I want to learn the guitar. That’s my next thing.

Clarkson: You could have done that when you were racing.

Rosberg: I did, and I got tendonitis and couldn’t upshift anymore.

Clarkson: [laughing]

#nico rosberg #nico characterization #f1 #brocedes #(sort of)

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our-lesbian-experience · 2 months

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I suggested inviting a newer male friend (who I’m worried may be kinda into me because he looks at me a lot — I have good peripheral vision and in the environment we’re usually sitting where I can see him — and like always helps me and it’s kinda just a vibe mixed with those things) to the movies if my original friend I invited couldn’t make it and my mom reacted like. like “ohhhhhhh okay” like. Like it was romantic. And I’ve told her I’m not into him. And I was so so uncomfortable by this and it made me kinda anxious and like not wanna invite him anymore because it seems too flirtatious. And I feel like in the past (I’ve had stuff like this happen a lot) I would have thought oh no am I into him because of that reaction but since learning more about comphet…I think it might just be comphet. Which is scary as hell tbh because have I not been attracted to guys this whole time??? On the other hand if i haven’t and I do like girls and the possibility of me being a lesbian gets easier and less heavy on my shoulders (I’m hoping so hard it’ll be like how when I first came out of religion it sucked but now I’m very much at peace with it and glad overall) it’ll be kinda reliving I’m not. Idk. Someone who gets feelings and then backs out because I’m scared of commitment. I’ve always worried I’m like that. I’m starting to think maybe I have a reason (and also…those aren’t Feelings)

My mom has shipped me with my male friends all my life, and while I would have had it anyway probably, I think it really hasn’t helped the comphet. I can think of three examples — all boys — that she liked for me when I was 5 💀 and I didn’t reallyyyy mind it but if I told her it made me uncomfortable she kept doing it

At one point when I was twelve or so she kept mentioning this one boy I played games with pretty often and I told her (not angrily, but sorta passionately? ) to stop because that made me uncomfortable and it’s weird and she asked if I thought it was weird for the boy too (he would not have known my mom shipped us but his mom did) and I said yeah probably (although idk if he did — I found out shortly thereafter he had a crush on me and then I started talking to him significantly less and even missed his birthday party, even though I had been to every one since we met prior to that point, because it made me really anxious. And I thought maybe that was attraction. And I was bad for avoiding it.)

now that I’m allowing myself to maybe not be into men im more and more thjnkng j might not be. which is only making the shipping weirder, because like. you (my mom) migjttttt be missing a piece of the puzzle here

it really is wierd thi that the more I allow myself to be removed from being attracted to men the more I realize…idk if I even wanna date one? anyways yeah sorry this is all over the place I was kinda just wondering if you could relate or had any advice? and i’m sorry it got so long.

the comphet realization rollercoaster is so real. and the mom thing too, I still haven't come out to my mom and sometimes she brings up my "crushes" from when I was really little and it makes me uncomfortable but idk what to do :/

I can't really help you about the mom part but i can try to help w the comphet! try to do some introspection on what happens/happened when you feel attracted towards a man (like are you just attracted and notice or do you see a man, think that he is objectively attractive, and decide you're attracted? That might be a little 'severe' for the lack of a better word but it's kind of how I experienced it)

Also hypothetical scenarios are helpful. idk how old you are or if you've had a relationship yet so i'm just going to assume you haven't for the sake of simplicity. When I imagine a relationship with a woman, it's a lot different than imagining a relationship with a man. Sapphic relationships feel more real and something about it just feels more right. when i imagine being in a relationship with a man, it feels very theoretical and out of place, almost as if i'm imagining a caricature of myself or me in an alternate reality. Trying to imagine relationships with different genders can def help with figuring out if you'd want a relationship with a certain gender

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autumnbell32 · 4 months

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1/14/24 at 2035: Message to Therapist

Hi. I've been sad about our last appointment- it seemed, I don't know, disharmonious. I know I keep repeating the same patterns (is that normal?), and I feel like I am not grasping/remembering things I am supposed to be learning very well. And maybe that is frustrating for you? I was definitely on the defense, maybe projecting. Usually I come out of our appointments with at least a little hope, but I honestly just felt stupid and kind of scared- is this the point where literally EVERYONE stops having patience with my issues? I know what you mean when you say that I reach outside of myself once I get to a certain point with bad depressive episodes. You are right, I do. This stuff is isolating, lonely, and mirrors when I used to get so overwhelmed with emotion as a child (and teenager) that I would cry to the nearest adult. Things that helped in the past that may not help now or have any permanence: reaching outside of myself for inspiration/assistance/hand-holding from others, following plans and lists, being rigid, seeing in black and white. But I'm not sure what else to do because it is like playing the lottery- one of these things MAY work (they've worked in the past), and it may provide relief (even for several months!). Do I have to totally abandon my old operating system? Although, these things are losing their efficacy over time and as I get older, honestly.

I am on a medical leave. I am not sure for how long, but I will get some pay while off. I tried to go to work Thursday, was relieved a supportive manager was going to be there, was packing my lunch and spilled some oatmeal and just broke down. And then that caused a cascading effect- everything after that made me break down. One minute I was crying, the next I was filled with so much rage that I felt dizzy. Not good. My PCP referred me to a gynecologist that treats PMDD, I see her Tuesday. I'm hopeful something outside of myself will still provide relief- PMDD is gnarly. I need a stone, at least one stone, lifted off of me so that I can continue to try (good grief, SOMEONE give me a piece of paper with a plan on it that I can follow and check boxes and tell me they will see me in a week to check my progress because this plan will likely give some relief from the cycles). The obstinance is just ridiculous- it's like the toddler in me has stomped her foot and said, "No more, someone do something to help or I'm not moving from this spot." It feels both good and bad, and I don't know how much I am screwing myself in the process, or how many more chances I will get or how many times people (my family included) will continue to help.

What have I done this past week (jesus, I haven't been at work since December 30th, got a small check last Friday)- watched PBS a lot, cried, cried while watching PBS, did some chores here and there (sometimes while crying), picked up books I long to read and then immediately put them back down because I can't concentrate or be motivated for more than a few minutes, binged, colored in an adult coloring book called "Cat Farts" (it's exactly what it sounds like), and imagined myself being better in the spring somehow (I have visualized this so many times over the last several days- actually progressing in the right direction consistently). I fall asleep many nights talking on the phone to Josiah because I feel less alone that way. I'm screwed. Am I screwed?

#bipolar type II #ED NOS #PMDD #writer #writeblr #writing #invisible disability #journal entry #fucking neurosis #i'm lucky to have a therapist that welcomes messages #but this one is long even for me #ugh

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agro-carnist · 1 year

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not sure how any of this will be taken but it is all well-meaning and if i seem harsh anywhere it is probably the autism, because i don't hold malice toward you.

i appreciate your response to everything that's been happening. i must admit that it hasn't changed my opinions on the posts you've made or art in question, but i want to emphasize that suspecting someone is a pedophile or a zoophile is Never something i deprive joy or satisfaction from (it's just scary.), and hearing you explicitly say you are neither and explain why is truly a genuine relief.

i do believe you when you say you are neither. i am also appalled to hear that anyone has compared you to people like hypnotistsappho, i cant imagine how awful that would feel.

while my opinions (in regards to the art in question, the enjoyment of minor/adult relationships, or my belief that engaging with potentially dangerous paraphilias is indeed a bad idea) will likely never be changed, i did read what you've said in good faith and i will make an effort to atleast think over the points youve made. i also do not believe in thoughtcrime and do recognize that many of us can fall into black/white thinking regarding kink and the like.

i personally am also into kink, although it falls into "tamer" categories (for lack of ability to think up a better word), and to an extent i understand where some of what you say is coming from. i suppose regardless of my personal morals, in the grand scheme of things, as long as you arent hurting anyone (which you thankfully dont appear to be) it isn't my business and i don't need to understand anyway.

there is one post i wish you'd addressed but i can see why you didn't because it wasn't really in discussion much, and maybe isn't as big a deal as i am making it out to be. but as someone else with diagnosed ocd your post about (and forgive me because i do not remember the exact wording of your post. i promise i am not trying to put exact words in your mouth) "antis secretly enjoying the things that they claim disgust them" was really gut-punching to see and to be completely honest i felt a lot less open to hearing your side of things for a while after learning about it, because it just felt so mean spirited...

i know it wasn't aimed at other people with ocd but i wish you'd taken into account that other people with ocd would probably see that post before making it. especially since ocd is something you have personal experience with and know what it is like to suffer from. while we may disagree over the morality of much of what's being discussed, i am sure we can both agree as people with ocd that being told you secretly enjoy the thoughts that scare and disgust you or that go against your morals is never fun. it is a trigger for me but i think it is rude to imply this even to people without ocd. im not sure what i want to get out of sharing this. but i did want to be honest about how that post came off to me since i feel quite dissatisfied about it

all that really matters i guess is that you've provided clarification and were honest in your post. i really had no idea what else to think with what information and pieces we had beforehand, and now i simply hope we can all quietly avoid eachother in peace.

That's all I really want. I just want to be heard and understood. I really appreciate this. I'd rather be in civil disagreement than fight each other.

As for your concern on that post - I completely understand the concern there. There was a context for that image and I didn't expect it to be shared on other sites. I made that at a time when a lot of people were making "my favorite ship dynamics" tweets but using it to vilify other ships. It was kind of a trend to post your favorite ship dynamics with a doodle of generic blob people showing the dynamic. A lot of these were "problematic" tropes and a lot of people started a pushback trying to shame the original tweets. I was annoyed seeing tweets all the time that essentially boiled down to "the best and only valid ship dynamics are healthy and wholesome relationships." So I made that as a jab at them. I see a lot of hypocrisy among those types. I know a lot of people, including myself, would preach only what we deemed as healthy or unproblematic but had deeply repressed interests in the "problematic." And also heard of many instances where someone like that would be found creating and/or consuming equally nasty art. It was meant to point that out. I didn't mean to imply that everyone actually has secret taboo fetishes or that people genuinely upset by certain tropes are lying. I understand that can be upsetting and I apologize I made people feel that. Like I said I didn't think it would leave that context. It was just supposed to highlight a harmful attitude I kept seeing. In hindsight I could have made that clearer. I want people to accept their fantasies and not live like they're trying to cover them up by being a hostile moral crusader but I dont want others to feel hurt for that to happen. Again I'm sorry that it came to people getting triggered by what I said

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