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thefanficmonster · 3 years

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Corpse Infested

Corpse Husband & Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Mentions of dysfunctional family, Family problems, Swearing

Genre: Humor, Comfort, Platonic fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: When your friend disappears for a long time, seemingly having lost interest in what fueled the most passionate fire in their life, you cannot not worry about them. Even if you wanna give them space, you will reach out, you will offer your help. You will tell them they always have you to rely on and talk to.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! I’m really sorry it’s taken me so long to complete and post your request, but here it finally is! Hope you come across it and if you do I hope you enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

For me, it’s never hard to find things to do. I’ve constantly got things on my mind and tasks to tend to, keeping me occupied and my mind focused at all times. I think that comes with living in a home as dysfunctional as this one. I honestly can’t recall a time when my parents got along nor can I think of a time where there was at least one second of peace while the two are both present in the house. It’s always a warzone up there. I’m saying up there because I tend to live out of the basement of their home. I know living in your parents’ basement is considered a peak loser point, or the bottom of the bottom, but you’d have to believe me when I say - I wasn’t always like this. In fact, I only recently came back to this hell-hole and boy do I regret it. I mean, it was a decision forced upon me by circumstances. Trust me, I tried every other option there was. When my dorm was to be closed down and demolished, we were given a notice to start planning our next move about a month early. You can bet I immediately started looking at places but my very tragic and miserable budget didn’t allow such a purchase. No rent was adequate for me and my near-empty wallet so my second option was moving in with my best friend who was also not in the greatest of situations but I thought I’d give that a shot too.

Spoiler alert: it didn’t work out. She lived in a tiny apartment with her boyfriend and his best friend at the time, so four people in one apartment was a nightmare. Still a lesser nightmare than this one but a nightmare nonetheless. Some unwanted and downright traumatizing events chased me out of that place after barely managing to pack my stuff. Therefore, finding myself on the streets again, I had no other option other than the obvious and least liked one: moving back in with my parents.

Making money during my first year of college hasn’t been easy. Working two jobs at once and also streaming video games on the side was what my time was filled with all throughout the first semester but then this damn pandemic started and now ruined everything for me. I had things going for me, I was slowly getting my life together and now it has all fallen apart yet again. The places I worked at closed down due to quarantine and I haven’t been able to steam, not only cause I’d be the victim of my parents’ comments but also cause my terrible home life would be exposed to all my fans and viewers. It’s not like I could cancel out the commotion going on right above my head, it’s a livestream and this house’s walls are cardboard thin meaning all the arguing I hear almost 24/7 will serve as background noise for my streams.

I haven’t reached out to my friends or fans to inform them of this which I feel slightly guilty about but I’m really not looking forward to having to lie to them, just as much as I’m not looking forward to having to tell them the truth so instead I’ve picked silence which is probably either worrying them or driving them insane. Either way, I’ll make my comeback soon.

Well....not very soon by the looks of it...

I have to gather the money, then I have to find a place, then comes the packing, moving out of here, moving into the new place...oh God, there’s so much to it that I don’t even wanna think about. Just that thought that I’ll be inactive for that long makes my stomach turn. Streaming’s where I’ve been channeling all my negative emotions, turning them into something positive and entertaining with the help of my friends.

Speaking of my friends, I should probably put emphasis on how amazing they are. Basically the older siblings I’ve always wished I had. I’m the baby of the group, the eighteen year old freshman in college, powering through life the best they can cause they are constantly getting tripped up by inconvenient occurrences such as this one for example. I tend to have the gang poke fun at me quite frequently - all lighthearted and with good intentions obviously - but they are also the ones to get super defensive if anyone gets the balls to talk shit about me. They’d never allow me to be the victim of any smack talk or online rumors and ‘cancel culture’ or whatever the hell people will come up with to leave others restless and wondering if they did something shady a decade ago. Well, to be fair, I didn’t even know about the concept of social media a decade ago and I’ve never been one to post much but I still have a protection squad in case anyone decides to come after me.

Little do they know the people I need protecting from are the very people that are supposed to protect me - my parents. Luckily, they don’t venture into to basement very often if at all and I have my own exit to the outside world so I don’t have to run into them unless I absolutely have to. The only time I emerge to the surface of the house - aka the ground floor - I do so to leave my share of rent money on the dining table and I usually do it when they aren’t home or when they’re asleep - that happens often with how many bottles they each knock back on the daily.

*sigh*...at least I don’t have to talk to them, right?

Anyhow, remember how I mentioned I always have things to do? Well, right now I’ve tasked myself with rifling through the large boxes containing random stuff I found in one of the basements down here to see if there’s anything I could possibly sell online. For starters, I’d like to hope there aren’t any severed body parts in here because this was one shady-ass basement before I moved in and un-creeped it a bit so I wouldn’t have to become an insomniac due to the paranoia of there being a homeless person down here with me or some paranormal entity. Regardless, old basements tend to be, apart from haunted, also filled with junk no one would find valuable despite it actually being worth something after all. That’s basically what I’m hoping to find at the moment.

As I dig through the contents of the first box, the YouTube playlist I have put on on my phone cuts off causing me to furrow my brows in confusion for a second before my ringtone pierces the silence the lack of music created.

I quickly mute the ringing and take a look at the Caller ID to see a name I never thought would pop up on my screen as an incoming call - Corpse. I, as well as many of our friends, know that he’s not the biggest fan of talking to people on the phone so this is rather surprising. Still, I pick up the call in case it’s not a mistake and an odd chance that it’s somethin urgent cause Lord knows Corpse doesn’t call people willy-nilly.

Thank God it’s quiet up there at the moment.

“Hello?“ I try my best to cover up the confusion in my voice but I can only assume I didn’t do the best job considering Corpse replies with a slightly awkward chuckle.

“Surprised you, didn’t I?“ He asks, getting my cheeks to redden a bit, “You can’t blame a guy for calling after up and disappearing on him and on the whole internet. Where’ve you been?“

I open my mouth to respond when I hear the sound of glass breaking a shouted curse from upstairs.

Oh for fuck’s sake!

“Um...you know, places?“ I’m aware the answer isn’t only nonsensical but also sounds more like a question, but I can hardly focus on that right now. I’m too buys praying to an entity I don’t fully believe in for the situation above to not escalate.

“Uh, is everything ok over there? Where even are you right now?“ The teasing tone to his voice is all but gone at this point, replaced with deep concern, having obviously heard the commotion that did the exact opposite of what I prayed for - escalated.

“Y-yeah, it’s ok. It’s just another Thursday, you know.“ I attempt a small laugh but it’s blatantly miserable, “I moved back in with my parents when they announced the quarantine so that’s where I’m at now. They’re not the quietest of folks as you can tell so...“

“I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! I HOPE YOU DIE“

Oh crap, here we go.

“...So I can’t really stream a lot...or at all.“ I mutter, cringing with all my might, “But it’s only temporary! I’ll get back in the saddle as soon as I find another place to stay.“ I don’t dare mention how long that’s gonna take me, it’ll be too disappointing and depressing for the both of us. “So yeah...um...thanks for showing concern but there’s really nothing to worry about. I’m ok, everything’s ok, things are just...a bit off the rails, but I’ll fix em no problem. Like I always do!“ I attempt to sound as cheerful as possible with little success due to the overwhelming anger I feel towards those people upstairs and the gut-wrenching nostalgia for the world of streaming I can no longer be a part of because of them. Actually, I put the blame first on the pandemic and second on my parents - if it wasn’t for Covid I’d probably still be in my dorm!

“Hey...um, I think I know an affordable place where you can take up residence. Only if you want to, of course.“ He sounds hesitant but I easily overlook that as excitement bursts throughout my entire being at the sound if an escape being offered to me just like that. Had I known I’d find the solution to my problem in the very people I spent time avoiding because I was afraid of their pity, sympathy and judgement.

“Oh please, it could be a rat and roach infested shoe box and I’d go running to it. How much is rent?“ I ask through a gasp of hurried laughter that’s a result of my inability to contain said excitement. Listen, I’ve been sitting here in Hellsburg for three months now and haven’t gotten a proper shuteye during that whole period, whatever Corpse is offering has to be better than this misery.

“Rent can be discussed once you move in...“ He trails off, “And it’s not rat nor roach infested but there’s a slight issue...“

“Which is?“ I’m honestly expecting the worst: in a bad neighborhood; faulty wiring with a high chance of being electrocuted; faulty piping with a high chance of flooding; people have died there; things get randomly moved around in the middle of the night etc. However, I don’t voice any of them to avoid getting laughed at for my wild imagination.

“Well, uh, it’s corpse infested.“ He says a little awkwardly, causing me to let out an inaudible sigh.

So my ‘people have died there’ guess was on point, huh?

“People have died there, huh? Well, I can turn a blind eye to that as long as I don’t find their bodies in the closet or meet their spirits at 3AM.“ I attempt to joke, now second-guessing my eagerness to accept the offer.

Corpse bursts out laughing his ass off at my statement, getting me to furrow my eyebrows in confusion and wonder what I said was so funny - it was a poor attempt at a joke, it in no way deserves that sort of reaction, barely a chuckle in my opinion.

“You’re golden, Y/N, I swear.“ He says once he forces the laughter to subside, “I meant corpse infested as in Corpse Husband infested.“ He breaks out in another fit as my brain slowly starts connecting the dots.

Oooohh he’s asking me to go live with him

“Wait. Wait, wait, wait, hold up for a sec. Are you aware of what you’re offering me? I mean, we’ve never met IRL, you barely know me and....and for all you know I could be the serial killer in this situation!“ I have no idea why I’m pushing my luck, don’t ask. I just don’t want him to make a decision he’ll later regret, I guess. “Like, I could kill you in your sleep!“

“Would you?“ He asks confidently, silently stating he already knows the answer.

I roll my eyes, “Of course not! But...” He cuts me off.

“Great, the offer stands on my end. I’m not a noisy nor nosey roommate so I suggest you start packing. If you choose to live in that hell-hole over living with me, I’m sorry but I’ll be hella offended, just so you know.“

Corpse sounds like he’s about to hang up on me, a decision already made, so I hurry to stop him. “Wait! What about rent?”

“Fuck the rent, pack your bags.“ And just like that, despite my efforts, he hangs up on me.

Well...this is a chance of a lifetime that I know refusing would lead me to not only remain stuck here but also put me in the hugest loser bin. There’s also the fear of being Corpse’s burden which I’ll try my best not to be - I mean, I’m a super independent person and Lord knows that if this offer came any other time or from any other person, I would’ve declined asap, no discussion.

But streaming

But sleeping properly

But having a normal life again

Yeah those are most certainly the reasons I get up and go into the closet in search on my emptied suitcase. Time to fill it up again, I guess. This time with a smile on my face and excitement fueling each and every movement of mine.

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piracytheorist · 3 years

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Since the first thing that strikes me about re8, story-wise, is that it seems to be all over the place? Again, I’ve no idea how it ties to previous games but it feels like this parental/mother-child theme is just hanging there with no resolution at all? I mean yes, Ethan saved his daughter, presumably breaking some sort of abuse cycle, yay, congrats, but what about his wife/gf? Isn’t she supposed to be like the main protagonist of the story of a mother bereaved to the point of tyrannical madness

Or rather, this specific story is not the right choice for his character since there’s SO many ethical and philosophical issues and questions implied but never properly explored because of Ethan’s ‘fuck you, idc’ attitude (which is completely understandable in those circumstances but adds virtually nothing to the plot and arguably even ruins it a bit). Heisenberg could’ve been an excellent ally with fascinating grey morality (provided the writers wouldn’t push him to the point of absolute insanity and let freedom, not power-hunger be his main goal and motivation for rebellion).And again, aren’t the lords supposed to represent child development stages? In which case Ethan what? Kills the possibility of some evil version of Rose? Or his own chance to experience fatherhood throughout all of those stages? Either way, it seems a bit… weird to have a Parent destroy multiple people whose main relevance to the plot is that they’re children of an abusive antagonist in a storyline so extremely focused on parent/kid relationships.

I feel like the main theme of re8 is not just parenthood/motherhood, but the relationship itself of the parent to the child. There's a lot of mentions to "children being used". Miranda kidnapping people, experimenting on them and mutating them and then treating them like they're her kids; Miranda kidnapping and practically killing Rose; Dimitrescu making daughters out of reanimated corpses she experimented on; Heisenberg wanting to use Rose's powers, etc etc.

And it's important that Miranda is at the center of this. There's something very interesting she says to Ethan in her boss fight:

"Why do you interfere? Surely you have no need of Rose now, so close to death?"

And that's where her mistake was. Ethan wasn't doing all that because he needed Rose herself. He was doing it to save her, fully aware that he wasn't going to be a part of her life cause he knew he was dying. Miranda was way too dependent on her love for Eva - and like, I honestly get it that losing your child can devastate you (if anything my fear of that is one of the reasons I don't want to have kids) - so much that her life literally revolved around her child. Once Eva died, Miranda wanted to die. Once she found the Megamycete and discovered she maybe had a chance to bring Eva back, she dedicated her entire life and ruined multiple others to do just that. Her one and biggest need was to get Eva back. It wasn't a simple want or wish. It was a need. She'd get her child back, damn everyone else - including other people's children.

Miranda had no-one to blame directly; Eva had died from the influenza, it wasn't like she had any chance to change things. Ethan's case was different; he had people to blame, particularly, the one who kidnapped Rose and dismembered her, and her lackeys who kept said parts and fought him for trying to take them back.

So on one end, you have a parent who lost her child due to a tragedy, and ended up destroying other - innocent - lives in order to get her back. On the other, you have a parent who lost his child due to a crime, and ended up going after the criminals responsible in order to get the child back. Like, it wasn't even revenge, and it wasn't that he "needed" Rose in his life. He simply wanted to save her and ensure she'll be alright.

I fully agree it could have been Mia as the protagonist in re8, and that it was a wasted opportunity to simply fridge her and have her in the sidelines angsting over her husband. But whether it was Mia or Ethan as the protagonist, I feel like the theme that I explained above does offer a resolution, showing the opposites of Miranda and Ethan, and ending Miranda's tyrrany of her "need" to have her child back through Ethan's determination to ensure his child's safety and happiness - even if he doesn't get to be a part of any of that later on. Miranda showed obsession; Ethan showed dedication.

And this is how I see the abuse cycle breaking and the resolution is reached; an obsessed parent hurt a good parent's child to bring their own child back - the good parent's dedication stopped the former, allowing the former's tyrrany to end and their child to grow up safe.

Seeing as this is a horror game, I don't tend to focus on the morality issues (if I'm interpreting your second message correctly). Like, the developers are making a grant effort to put us in Ethan's shoes, first-person POV, plain character protagonist and all; our child got kidnapped and practically murdered, and we have the chance to bring her back. We'll absolutely raise hell to the people who are responsible for it and we will get our child back, fuck any moral dilemmas we might have. When someone is threatening your life, you have the ability to kill them to defend yourself. In the case of a caring parent, that ability may multiply by a lot when the threat is towards their child. And I feel that this is what the game explored in the end. Though the whole survival issue is taxing on Ethan, he doesn't give a damn about who he has to kill if it means saving his daughter - but again, it's only the responsible parties. We see how watching all the people at Luisa's house die affected him, and even before Elena died, he wanted to ensure her safety before he went searching for Rose; he is sympathetic and morally rational, but also capable of cold-blooded murder if someone is threatening his child. To a lesser extent, we saw that in re7 too. With his life on the line, he killed Jack (multiple times) and Marguerite, and at the end he recognized how they were actually victims of Eveline. But they were still actively trying to murder him so he wasn't given the chance to help them. With Zoe, he promised to send help, and he did, even wanting to talk to her once she'd been rescued by her uncle and Chris. The same applies to re8, but as I said, it's multiplied since it's his daughter who's in danger, and the end of re8 proves he cares for her safety more than his own.

Now, all that said, I think it's important to note how it's stil a Resident Evil game. I haven't actually played or watched any playthroughs of other games, but the basic concept in these games, from what I understand, is that the player shoots zombies; ex-human beings who have lost any human mentality and will just come for your throat if you don't kill them first. They're not humans anymore, they can't be reasoned or sympathized with. It's not really an issue of morality, ethics or philosophy. Your life, and the life of your child in the case of re8, are in danger. You don't give a shit. You just start shooting and hope for the best. Again, I don't know if the morality issue is explored in other RE games, but to be honest... Resident Evil doesn't sound like the kind of franchise that's thematically into going super deep into the morality of shooting zombies to save your life.

I have to admit I haven't thought of the Lords being representative of child development stages. I think they could be put as Moreau being a toddler, fully dependent on their parent - funnily enough, the Greek word for baby is "moro", pronounced almost exactly the way "Moreau" is pronounced in the game - Donna as a child, Heisenberg as a (rebellious?) teenager, and Dimitrescu as a late teen/young adult (if anything, Dimitrescu seems to behave like the eldest child of the bunch). But I'm not sure the connection that has to Ethan as a father, if anything because the bosses are fought in complete random order of age, if my analysis is correct. Like, I understand the symbolism behind the Lords' behaviours, maybe as you said they represent the obstacles Ethan had to overcome. In one single day and with his life on the line, instead of in the course of Rose's entire childhood and adolescence, but that's exactly why he hated being a protagonist of a horror game, lol.

Anyway, yeah. All in all, I don't think Resident Evil is a franchise where we should expect to sit down afterwards and ponder whether we were right to shoot the zombies that were trying to kill us. Again, I'm not the right person to ask this, since I don't know anything about other RE games, but that's the conclusion I'm making in a meta-thinking way.

#Resident Evil #Resident Evil Village #Resident Evil 8 #Ethan Winters #Mother Miranda #re meta #anonymous #ask and ye shall receive

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deans-mind-palace · 4 years

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Conversations in the Dark

Pairing: Castiel x Reader

Summary: Nothing’s real what happens in the dark. That’s what your mother told you about nightmares. But you’re hunter and you know that nightmares exist in the daylight, too. Your relationship with Cas isn’t always easy. However, in moments of doubt it’s good you have each other. Because that’s all that really matters.

Word Count: 2,496

Warnings: A lot of angst, fluff and some snoring Winchesters

Author’s Note: This fic is based on the new song ‚Conversations in the dark‘ by John Legend. It is a present for the 200 followers celebration. Show it some love. <3

Like always, my tag lists are OPEN!!!

Wanna read more? Have a look here: Masterlist

"So guys, that's it. We're all exhausted and there's no motel the next few miles. Guess, we have to stop here." Dean announced as he drove the Impala off the road and into a parking lot. The gravel crunched under the tires as soon as the car came to a halt and the engine purred until Dean pulled the key out of the ignition hole and ran over his eyes in exhaustion. The radio died down and for a moment there was silence in the car. Sam yawned and tried to fold his long legs comfortably in the passenger seat. Another night he had to spend sitting. Alone at the thought of the back pain he pulled a face. Dean stretched out his legs and leaned back in his seat as best he could. Cas sat with you in the back seat. You were as exhausted as the two brothers and could only keep your eyes open with difficulty. Your head rested on Cas' shoulder for some time. Gently his deep voice reached you.

"Come on, Y/N. You're tired, let's get some sleep." When he said "us", he really meant you, because the angel did not sleep. But since your relationship he had gotten into the habit of spending the nights with you, even if that meant he had to fold up with three other people in a car just to be at your side. You gave him a tired smile when you finally lay on the seats. The bench was not very broad and Cas held you tightly wrapped so you wouldn't slide into the footwell. Soon you had found a more or less comfortable position. Your legs were entangled and his hand rested on your back, while he pressed you against his chest. His chin rested against your forehead and your hands lay on his chest. He smiled at you through the darkness and his stubble scratched your skin. His teeth shone bright in the darkness. From the front seats you could already hear the brothers' steady breathing. They were fast asleep.

Talk Let's have conversations in the dark World is sleeping, I'm awake with you With you Watch Movies that we've both already seen I ain't even looking at the screen, it's true I got my eyes on you

You sighed contentedly and your gaze slipped out of the window of the Impala. While lying down, you could see the bright stars in the night-black sky. You were so far away from the nearest town that the sky was perfectly clear. Purple, pink and blue blended into a single work of art, interwoven with small white stars. "Cas. Look! Look at the stars! Aren't they beautiful?" you breathed happily and he could clearly hear the admiration in your voice. You beamed at the sight of the stars. Cas hummed. He had not even looked out the window. His eyes were only on you. How beautiful you looked. How the moon cast a shadow over your face and made your skin shine silvery. How your eyes sparkled in the dark and you bit your lip. "Hm, right." he muttered, but his gaze never left your face.

And you say that you're not worth it You get hung up on your flaws Well, in my eyes you are perfect As you are

"Have you ever seen anything more beautiful than the night sky? Anything more magical?" you asked as you continued to dreamily look up at the stars. Cas knew God's creation by heart. He had seen the stars countless times before, he was there when they were created. They were beautiful, but they could not keep up with you. You were the most beautiful thing God had ever created and he was grateful for every day he was allowed to spend at your side. You cast a spell over Cas with your very own magic. "Nothing is more beautiful than the stars," you whispered into the silence with fascination. "Yes, you," he replied honestly and his voice rumbled deep in his chest. You looked at the angel and smiled. "Charmeur." Your fingers gently stroked his cheek before kissing him. Your hand found his and you crossed your fingers while you looked up into the stars together and hung on to your thoughts.

I will never try to change you, change you I will always want the same you, same you Swear on everything I pray to That I won't break your heart I'll be there when you get lonely, lonely Keep the secrets that you told me, told me And your love is all you owe me And I won't break your heart

He loved your fascination, even for the little things. With such devotion you did the things you loved. Your selflessness. You would die for him or the brothers without hesitation. Your silence. You could sit for hours during a thunderstorm in a rundown hotel room, staring out the window, lost in thought, with his head in your lap and your fingers gently combing through his brown hair, while a pleasant silence reigned and you listened to nature. After a failed hunt you would tell him stories from your childhood until he would lie calmly with you in his arms. Even if that meant you had to make up stories. Castiel loved so many little things about you. How you would always let Dean pick the television channel to avoid a fight. How you always sang or whistled in the shower. How your nose turned up when you bit into a slice of your favorite pizza.

You were perfect. And Castiel loved you for who you were. "What's your greatest secret, Cas?" you asked, turning your head so your beautiful eyes met him. You looked at him questioningly. Cas didn't have to think long. "That I love you." And with a smile on his face, he watched you frown at that answer. "But it's no secret. Dean and Sam know." you muttered, and your eyes looked at him big and innocent. He laughed softly at your amazement. "That's right. But only I will ever know how much I really love you, because words don't even begin to describe it." The angel gave you a gentle kiss on the forehead. You loved it when Cas was like that. It was a side of Castiel that was reserved for you, that he showed only to you. Only with you was this quiet angel so open and soulful. Only with him did you feel complete.

Suddenly a shooting star was streaming across the dark night sky. You closed your eyes and made a wish. "What is your greatest wish, sweetheart?" mumbled Cas near your ear and a pleasant shiver ran down your spine. You embarrassingly bit your lip and avoided his gaze. "I - no, it's silly. It was a stupid wish I shouldn't have made. Forget it." You shook your head and looked ahead at your sleeping brothers as you felt Cas's fingers gently lift your chin and turn it towards him. "If this is your wish, it can't be stupid, Y/N." His blue eyes searching for yours and you saw the seriousness in them. You swallowed nervously and nodded slightly. You'd never told anybody about your biggest dream. Not even the person you loved most on this earth.

On Sunday mornings we sleep-in 'til noon Well, I can sleep forever next to you Next to you And we We got places we both gotta be But there ain't nothing I would rather do Then blow off all my plans for you

"I wish the apple pie life for us, Cas. I wish it so much. We could travel the country like normal people and stay in a place we like. We'll look for a little house in a beautiful area where the neighbours have barbecues and celebrate the Fourth of July together. We could make the house cosy and I could grow yellow tea roses in the front garden. Maybe we would have a dog. And a spacious kitchen where we could cook together. Maybe we could plant tomatoes in the garden. And never motel beds again! We'd have our own cozy bedroom. On rainy days we wouldn't even get up, but just listen to the rain pattering against the windows while I'm in your arms. On Sundays, we'd sleep in and I'd make us pancakes." As you talked, Cas closed his eyes and imagined every single scene you described.

How Cas carried you over the threshold of a small house and your eyes sparkled with joy. How your face and hands were encrusted with dirt, yet you grinned at him broadly. How you lay in his arms and his gaze followed the raindrops running down the window. How you stood in his shirt in the kitchen in the morning, making a mess to make pancakes.

There were scenes that put a smile on his face and he felt his heart longed for this life. It was a life you could never have, but with you at his side he dared to dream. He dared for a moment to give himself to the illusion of a normal life.

When Cas opened his eyes again, he saw other stars fall from the sky. Shooting stars were speeding across the sky. It was a night of the wishes.

And you say that you're not worth it And get hung up on your flaws But in my eyes you are perfect As you are As you are

If you were honest, you didn't know what you were wishing for. Like so many hunters of the supernatural, you had never led a normal life and had no idea what you were talking about. You noticed that Cas' smile slipped a little when you first made your wish. Of course it was bullshit. That's why you kept your wish to yourself. You swallowed. It was just one of your nonsense, that's all.

It wasn't the first time that you realized that you would never be married or have children. On some days the thought of spending the rest of your life with salt and corpses seemed unbearable. There would never be a normal life for you. Your boyfriend was an angel. A powerful, superhuman being who could end your life with a snap of his fingers if he wanted to. Cas would never be able to live like a human being. He was immortal, you just a human. You would not grow old together. His body would age, but his spirit could not decompose. One day, you would die, and Castiel would be left behind alone. The thought would make your heart contracted in pain. Cas read your mind, and he pulled you closer.

"I'm sorry I can't be the one you want me to be. That I can't give you the life you want to live." You looked at him with those big eyes. "And if you want me to go, I will, Y/N. All you have to do is send me away because I'm not strong enough. But it's selfish to take away your chance at a normal life." His voice trembled. "Cas, don't you ever say that again, do you hear me?" you said startled. "But-" You gently put your finger on his lips, and he looked at you insecurely as he fell silent. "My life is not normal, Castiel. Never has been, never will be. But, Cas, any life is a good life as long as you're by my side. I love you, and I would never want to change anything about you. You are my angel. Literally. Don't let them tell you different." He nodded hesitantly.

"All these things. They mean nothing to me if it means you're not by my side. That we have moments like this." Your hand was on Cas' chest above his heart and you felt the excited pounding beneath. He pressed a kiss against your temple and together you looked up at the stars again. "I wouldn't trade this moment of lying here with you, philosophizing about life as we contemplate the stars, for anything in the world. You are what matters, Cas. You make my life worth living, Castiel. Don't break my heart," you whispered softly into the darkness of the night, as if the stars could hear your words and carry them out into the world, until the last man knew that you and the angel were one.

When no one seems to notice And your days, they seem so hard My darling, you should know this My love is everywhere you are

"You know I'll always be with you and go with you every step of the way. I will follow you wherever you go. I'll look at the stars with you until the end of time if that's what you want." Suddenly he looked embarrassed and your fingers were combing through his brown hair. For a moment there was silence between you, while you waited for Cas' next words. From the front seats still sounded faint breathing and Dean murmured softly as he turned.

"I'm happy as long as you are." He finally said. His warm breath brushed across your ear and made you shiver. His deep voice echoing in your mind. "And I am happy when you are by my side. Until the end of time." "Until the end of time," the angel repeated, intertwining your fingers over his heart with his.

For some time you remained lying there in the silence and enjoyed the closeness of the other. Until dawn you looked at the stars shooting across the sky. You made wishes for the well-being of Cas, Dean and Sam. It was night of the wishes, after all, and tonight everything seemed to be possible. Maybe your wishes would be heard. You watched the sky change from deep black to stormy blue to dreamy purple to soft pink to fiery orange. It was the image of your feelings. The light of the stars faded as a new day began. And it was a good day because Castiel was with you and every day with Castiel was a good day. Because it had been a silent promise.

I won't break your heart

@zizzlekwum

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blundergato · 3 years

Note

I checked on Twitter and apparently Toei is gonna release The next DBS movie in 2022. Now, as much as I stopped follow the show I'll say this: If they don't put Cooler as the next canon villain in the movie, then I won't bother to watch it honestly.

cooler should have replaced freeza back in the resurrection of f movie. instead of bringing back a villain that has already been soundly defeated twice and giving him an absolutely heinous gold form, bring in his brother who already has a fifth transformation that actually looks cool and make it canon.

my biggest problem with freeza is that he wasnt just beaten, he was absolutely humiliated in both of his defeats. bringing him back and making him a threat again when he was used as complete fodder to introduce trunks is just sad. at least cooler wasnt canon at the time and has a reason to sort of want revenge.

i think cooler’s time has passed at this point though. theyve already introduced people on par with gods, so bringing in cooler just seems pointless now...though freeza is still around, so i dunno.

as for the movie, ill probably end up watching it no matter what because despite hating like 85% of modern dragon ball, im too invested now to stop. i wish the series would just die, but it wont, so ill continue to be dragged alongside its corpse.

#Anonymous

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avengersobsession · 4 years

Text

SPOILERS FOR STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER.

...

TROS.

Four weeks later. Anybody still care what I think?

Okay, anything I think needs to be tempered by this: I went in spoiled. For just about everything. Not intending to, but I saw the biggest spoiler accidentally (KR dies) and I couldn’t deal with any ambiguity on that one, so I hunted down every spoiler hint available to see if that was true. And I disliked almost everything I heard—Palpatine’s return, Rey Palpatine, Ben’s death, very little Rose. I was so, so, so prepared to hate everything (except the promise of Reylo and a Reylo kiss—take what we can get). I went into the theater thinking, “Ugh. Let’s get this over with.”

Fellow Reylos, I loved it. Maybe that was because I was spoiled? I maintain and will maintain that Palpatine’s return was dumb. I also maintain Palpatine lied. But my attitude to all the things I didn’t like was, “Well, if they were gonna do this...they did it as well as it could be done.”

Dumb: Palpatine’s return. Reality: Opening with Kylo Ren stalking across the system to confront the old geezer, cutting through everything in his path like a cold joyless bastard? Saying, “Fuck nosferatu here, imma go get Rey and overthrow this guy and rule the galaxy with her”? Ohhhh yeahhhhh.

Dumb: Retconning Leia as a Jedi at this late date. Reality: Leia being a Jedi Master, training Rey, having her own lightsaber? OHHHH YEAHHHH. I’ve been wanting Jedi Leia since Empire.

Dumb: Going after a MacGuffen as a main plot (again). Reality: A fast-paced multi-world quest featuring Rey/Finn/Poe with funny snarking (“You were a spice runner?” “You were a stormtrooper?” “Oh, we gonna do this now?”), Chewie as a true companion at risk, Lando’s return, Rey cooing over babies, Kylo showing up here and there through the force bond to freak out and interrogate Rey, funky hidden sand caverns, Rey healing scary space snakes...guys, this was all levels of OH YEAH for me. It was fun, it was exciting...it felt right for Star Wars, what can I say?

Dumb: Shafting Rose. Reality: ...there was so much going on already! You couldn’t fit any more people on the Falcon without it turning into...look, there’s a MST3K episode of the movie Lost Continent where the party of 6-7 prepares to head out on the expedition. “Are we ready?” “I’m good!” “Can’t wait to get out there.” “Yeah, let’s go.” And JoelandBots riff, “Everybody get a line?” That’s what it would have turned into. I wish there had been more time for her but I also recognize her major story arc was completed last movie. She was not treated disrespectfully here but there just wasn’t enough time. (Us MCU Hawkeye fans are all looking at Rose Tico fans saying, “what are you, new?”)

Dumb: Rey Palpatine. Reality: STILL DUMB. I’ll say more later.

Dumb: Hux: “I’m the spy.” Reality, still dumb, but his “I don’t care who wins, I just need Kylo Ren to lose,” is pure Kylux subtext. Bitter exes, so sexay.

Dumb: Ben dyi— okay, wait. Not dumb. A very real potential outcome for this story. Honestly, I never thought JJ Abrams meant Kylo to live after he became a patricide. I DIDN’T WANT THAT THOUGH. I wanted Reylo and Reylo wedding dress and Reylo babies on parents’ hips and gahhhhhhh. And yet? This is not a bad death if there had to be death. Unredeemed Kylo Ren = bad death. Stray blaster because sometimes people just die for no reason = bad death. Redeemed Ben who is tried and executed = bad death. But this is a narratively understandable death. Fuck, it would have been really, really hard to have happily ever after with the war criminal/patricide/genocide First Order leader, wouldn’t it’ve? This is the guy who cost the deaths of his father, his uncle, and his mother just to SLOW HIM DOWN, migod. They could have worked around it, yes. As my S.O. says, “there was never gonna be Poe-Finn-Rey-Ben poker night, ‘k?”, but we could have had Ben and Rey go off together, create a new Jedi training temple and never mention the name Kylo Ren again. It. Would. Have. Been. So. Beautiful. But he was redeemed, he was Ben again, he was lovely, he was brokenhearted, he gave his life to save the Jedi Rey who was the woman he loved. AND HE SMILED AND WAS GLAD TO GIVE IT. Oh, my heart. Reylo 4evah.

Okay, the good that was not dumb at all:

-Who said this was paced badly? It was so exciting! What did you want, sitting on couches? There’s a reason the prequels are all but disavowed.

-KYLO STALKER-CHASING REY. Ah ha ha. Oh. Oh my god, every beautiful horrible line of his. “The next time I see you, you will take my hand.” “The only way you’re getting to Exegol is with me.” TAKING THE NECKLACE omigod that was the sexiest moment in the whole goddamn series. I was so expecting him to say, “I’m a NICE GUY, why don’t you want me?” next, ah ha ha. Really, it was just so characteristic of the post-rejected TLJ Kylo that absolutely had to be. He had tried being nice, no, really—“You’re nothing. But not to me.” Ah ha ha, oh, KYLO, you beautiful idiot piece of trash.—now he’s going to turn the screws. And Rey, going for the lightsaber every time to make it a fight because she doesn’t want to talk to his stupid stalker ass. It. Was. Perfect.

-C3P0 not being a prick! He was prissy and annoying and actually funny this time around, but he put away the everpresent dickishness this time. Wow. Best Threepio since...ever, maybe.

-Doing what they could with Leia. I have craved Jedi Leia forever so I’m forgiving what should have actually felt like “too little too late.” And I’m never going to get over her achingly lovely embrace with Rey.

-Han. Han. Han. I don’t even love Han nearly as much as Luke and Leia and I’m still enraptured with this moment. Does everybody get that in TFA, Han walked out on that bridge with his son knowing he was very possibly going to his death? At the hands of his own son? That when Kylo said, “I don’t know if I have the strength to do what I need to,” Han fucking knew that he was warring, that what he wanted to do was kill his father so that he would have committed an act so heinous he could never never go back to the light? That Han knew that? And gave him his life willingly because he was ready to take that chance Kylo would not do it, but also that in killing him it might haunt Kylo and help him turn back later? Han is not an idiot. And he’s that much of a loving father. So when we got to the echo of “...to do what I need to,” it was that turning point that Kylo was at last feeling. YAYYYYY.

-New characters. I liked them! They were engaging and had intriguing presence.

-Rey Skywalker. Okay, some of you hate this. But I’m more than fine with it. The Skywalkers have been the most important people in her life: mother, father, soulmate. Why shouldn’t she claim it and refuse to let the line end with the dead? Though I would have been equally happy with, “Just Rey.”

-Force dyad. You know what that means? That means in TFA when Kylo says, “What girl?” it is subtextually possible that he already knows what girl—the dyad part of him he’s always felt. Ooooooooooooooooh.

-Passing the saber via forcebond. God, I wish I hadn’t been spoiled for that one.

And now, it’s time for:

(Note. I’m not telling you it IS this way. I’m telling you this is my headcanon and I’m sticking to it.)

-So Palpatine’s alive, sort of. In him are the spirits of ten thousand Sith or whatever, which he can wield, but he’s still a walking corpse.

-He’d prefer to possess the body of a great force-user but they’d have to allow it, ritually. Kylo Ren would be good for this, but he could also be a useful ally. Meantime the Jedi Rey presents a threat. Kill her, she’s out of the picture, good enough. He could have her body to possess if he turns her, though.

-So if Kylo Ren finds him, he’ll make an ally of him and tell him to kill Rey.

-If Rey finds him, though, he’ll convince her to turn. How? Rey doesn’t want power. He’ll give her the one unshakeable thing she wants. A family. A lineage. A destiny.

-His “I don’t want to kill you, I want you to kill me,” “you are my granddaughter,” lines are just that: lines. He shows his true colors later when he snarls, “a worthless scavenger cannot inherit the dark side.”

Liar, liar, Mustafar on fire. Her parents were filthy junk traders. Rey of Jakku. Rey Nobody. Rey Skywalker because she adopts it. There’s my truth. Pbbbbbthhtttpbbthhht.

#reylo #sw tros #tros #star wars spoilers #star wars #bendemption #kylux #palpatine lied

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returnn-of-the-mac · 5 years

Note

The companions (+ Maxson) talk to Sole about an annoying or boring subject and Sole screams Shut Up! 🤐

This one was a lot of fun! Sorry it took so long to complete! If I were a companion in this request, I think I would annoy Sole by fangirling over MCR. Other than that, I’m totally 100% Codsworth (tag yoself when you’re done reading). I also had to change some name brands to made-up pseudonyms to avoid copyright issues. I normally like to write a silent Sole, but this request kinda required a talking Sole. Anyway, please enjoy!😄 (also the movie nickname rq one should be out either tonight or tomorrow!)

FO4 Companions (+Maxson) React: Companions Rambling & Sole Telling Them to Shut Up

Sole’s eye twitched as their companion rambled on for the third day in a row about the same topic. As much as they adored their companion and admired their enthusiasm about the subject, they couldn’t take it anymore. A fed-up Sole stopped dead in their tracks, turned around, and snapped:

Strong:

“Shut up! I‘m done listening to you explain the best way to gut and cook rotting narwhal flesh,” Sole fumed, “I don’t care if you drench it in tato paste or barbecue blood. I’m never going to eat it, Strong. Never!”

Strong frowned, “No be mean human! Or no find milk! Be nice!”

“Strong, I’m sorry. I’m not eating a parasite-infested narwhal corpse.”

“Come on! Rotting horn whale taste like giant fish stick!”

Deacon:

”Shut up! I don’t want to hear about the benefits of changing the HQ password to DEACON IS COOL anymore,” Sole hissed, “Besides, there is a huge hole in your plan. You can’t even spell that with the letters available!”

“Woah there, calm down pal. I didn’t think of that,” Deacon mumbled. He quickly lit up, “But there’s nothing a little permanent marker can’t fix!”

“You think Desdemona isn’t going to notice black marker squiggles all over the door?”

Deacon scoffed, “Um, I’m not stupid. That’s why I’m going to use a brown marker, pal.”

Curie:

“Shut up! I can’t listen to you talk about spinal contusions and brain injuries anymore. It’s making me squeamish.”

Curie immediately stopped talking and her face fell.

“Curie, I’m sorry, I—“

“I’m sorry, [Madame/Monsieur],” the synth began, her eyes welling with tears, “I hope I didn’t upset you. I just find that topic fascinating.”

Gage:

“Shut up! I don’t care about all the pranks you’ve played on Mason. I don’t blame him for being pissed off.”

“Damn. Anyone teach ya manners, boss?” Gage scowled, “Anyway, what? Ya ain’t gonna appreciate the fact that I egged the furry bastard while he was ramblin some mumbo-jumbo-bullshit to his pack of loonies?”

Sole shook their head.

“Or that I lit a bag of Molerat shit on fire right on top of his pompous-ass throne?”

Sole shook their head again.

“Well, boss. You ain’t got no sense of humor, then.”

Piper:

“Shut up! I’m sick and tired about hearing about how Sturges is a synth,” Sole shouted, “I can get behind McDonough being a synth, but there is no way that Sturges is one.”

“But Blue, he has all the signs. He—“

“And so what? What do you want me to do? Even if he hypothetically is a synth, I’m not turning my back on him. I’m still friends with Danse and I’m not dead yet. Curie’s a synth and she’s a sweetheart. X6? Nick?”

Piper‘s face dropped for a moment, before glaring at Sole and turning her back.

Sole sighed, “Piper, I—“

“Don’t talk to me right now.,” The reporter hissed.

Longfellow:

“Shut up! I don’t care about the eight basic knots.”

Longfellow shook his head in disappointment, “I understand you’re sick of this old man bugging you about tying knots, but it is useful information. You never know when you could find yourself in a situation where you need to tie a good ol reef knot, or clove hitch!”

Longfellow pulled a small rope from out of his pocket and Sole sighed.

“Shall we attempt a figure-eight knot today?”

MacCready:

“Shut up! Stop talking about Santa Claus. I know you read about him in an old book we found but—“

MacCready stubbornly crossed his arms, “Oh yeah? I think you’re just being a snob. Some of us haven’t been lucky enough experienced this, [name]. How can you not obsess over a fat guy who spies on people to see if they’re good, breaks into homes, and leaves presents?That’s so cool!” He paused, “I…probably would’ve gotten coal though.”

Sole’s eyebrows furrowed, “Mac—“

“It’s a darn shame he had to die when the bomb dropped. He could’ve brought so much joy to the Commonwealth.”

“—he’s not real.”

MacCready’s jaw dropped, “But the books, the posters, the pictures…there’s so much evidence.”

“Marketing.”

MacCready shook his head in disappointment, “Pre-war Capitalist propaganda…”

Ada:

“Shut up! I already told you I don’t know what a Sara is. How am I supposed to understand what you’re talking about when you tell me you were a Sara prototype?”

“[Sir/Ma’am], like I said before: Sara was a virtual assistant software that was going to be implemented in all future Vault Tec electronic devices. It had a speech recognition engine that could assist users. My biggest flaw was that I could not translate into other languages. I was scraped and remained inactive in a dumpster for years before Jackson reprogrammed me.”

“I still can’t wrap my head around that technological advancement. It doesn’t seem real.”

“Yes, it was highly advanced. That is why it did not make its debut before the bombs dropped.”

Hancock:

“Shut up! I’m done listening to your crazy Daddy-O trip stories. If you hate the chem so much, why don’t you stop taking it?”

Hancock laughed, “Well, [brother/sister], my Daddy-O rides are a lot more fun to talk about than my Jet or Mentat highs,” he thought for a moment, “I mean, besides the time I solved the theory of Quantum Physics on a Mentat high— that was fuckin wild— but other than that it’s more entertaining to talk about the time I shoved an entire summer squash up my ass while on the Big D.”

Cait:

“Shut up! I wish we’d never found that copy of 40 Shades of Silver. Please stop talking about it.”

“Darlin, I never read. But I could not for the life of me put down that book,” Cait sighed, “It was so…wonderfully smutty.”

Sole grimaced.

“That lass really knows how to have a good time. Sounds like a fantasy of mine, gettin hot n dirty n aggressive like that.”

“Stop…”

“Why? Ain’t it a pleasure to talk about?”

Codsworth:

“Shut up! I don’t understand your obsession with Mr. Tidy Magic Erasers. You’ve been talking about them now for. Three. Days.”

Codsworth beamed, “Well, [sir/mum], you know what they say: there’s no tidy like Mr. Tidy!”

Sole rolled their eyes.

“Besides, have you seen how well those suckers eliminate stuck-on grease and grime from dishes,” Codsworth began, “Oh wait, you haven’t. That’s right. You don’t wash your own dishes.”

Preston:

“Shut up! I’m sick and tired of hearing about all the settlements that need our help. Maybe they‘d have a better chance of defending themselves if we didn’t coddle them.”

Preston crossed his arms, “How could you say that, General? I thought you truly embraced the values of the Minutemen.”

“I do Preston, but I think we just need to take a break.”

“Justice never rests. These settlements need us, General. I understand it’s exhausting, but we need to protect these innocent people from the dangers of the Commonwealth.”

Nick:

“Shut up! Please, no more dad jokes. I’m begging you, Nick,” Sole plead, “I’m…I’m annoyed.”

The detective chuckled, “Hi annoyed, I’m Nick Valentine. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Stop!”

“I’m not moving!”

Sole grunted in defeat at the detective wore a smug smirk, pleased by the outcome of his jokes.

Maxson:

“Shut up! I’m tired of hearing about the technological prowess of the Prydwen. It’s not that great. It’s just a blimp.”

“Show some respect,” Maxson growled, “And you think the Prydwen is just a blimp? How dare you deride the work of the prestigious mechanics who designed the Prydwen. It is my pride and joy. It is the most advanced vehicle in the Commonwealth.”

“Maybe you should get those prestigious mechanics to work on your Vertibird death traps.”

Maxson frowned, “Vertibird design overhauls are in the agenda. We just have more important projects to tackle before then…such as the redesign of my quarters,” Sole shook their head as Maxson pulled out a color card, “I’m thinking a Deep Ruby Maroon would feel more homey than the current Grumpy Grunt Grey I currently have. But I also like Apple Cider Brown. What do you think?”

Danse:

“Shut up! Can we please just talk about something other than the Fancy Lad Snack cakes?” Sole pled.

“First of all, don’t talk to me like that, soldier. That’s blatant disrespect and I will not tolerate it,” Danse barked.

“Sorry…”

“Second, that Courser friend of yours is out of his damn mind. How can any sane individual honestly believe that strawberry Fancy Lads are superior to vanilla ones?”

“Each to their own?”

“That only pertains to subjective topics. This argument— if we can even call it that— is a solid fact and therefore cannot be disputed.”

X6-88:

“Shut up! What is with synths and Fancy Lad snack cakes? You’ve been raving about them for three days.”

“Hey, now. I suggest you calm down,” X6 warned, “A lot of people— such as your Brotherhood friend— like the vanilla cakes, [sir/ma’am], but the real delicacy are the strawberry cakes with chocolate icing.”

“Does it really matter who likes what flavor?”

“Yes. This is an urgent matter. We should not have to dispute this to be completely honest. It is a fact that strawberry Fancy Lads are superior to vanilla ones.”

#fallout 4 #fallout #fo4 #danse #paladin danse #hancock #deacon #maccready #piper #maxson #elder maxson #porter gage #gage #longfellow #curie #ada #strong #cait #x6 #x6 88 #nick valentine #react

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red-in-the-streets · 5 years

Text

Listen, I think I can hear it

The Terf is hypin' herself in the mirror

Her wife tries to tell her that she's gettin' furious

She just yells, "Shut the fuck up, bitch, this trans supporter's serious!"

I hoped you would kill it, I'm always a optimist

Thought your response would be flawless and awesome

It's gotta be hard finding time to perfect

All your rhymes every night at Exclusion's Anonymous

Hi terf, hi terf, hi terf! I'm not even trying

I hope you have fun dying

You pathetic animal, you bad gal

You're a crazy son of a gun

All that bark and still you're a pussy?

You tap on my shoulder and run?

Where are you going? I'm over here

In a house that you can't afford with your career

Ridiculous hate comments that took an hour to type

Youre the fuckin' terf of the year

You probably broke and ugly, short and stubby, forty somethin'

With a face that was born for punchin'

Act tough but I know at your core it's muffins

The type to shack up the first douche who "loved" 'em

I'll piss in your mouth 'til you wheeze and gurgle

And stomp on your head 'til your cheeks are purple

I'll take you and your friends' by the ears

And then smash you together like Stone Cold's beer

Being a fucking loser's in your DNA

This ain't a punchline, it's a PSA

I'm lucky that I know CPR

My sis heard your response and she died laughing

My girl is taking my breath man

But you look like Death, fam

I'm the Grim Reaper, knew I'd spit ether

I'm collecting the soul of a dead terf

They're gonna need the cheapest of coffins

The shame and embarrassment in all of the comments

I have millions of friends, I'm living your dream

You're a horrified radfem, look like a meme

Go to stupid extremes, the definition of try-hard

"Watch me hate after eating a Tide-Pod"

Dying for attention, that's why you started this little beef

You're so desperate, expect that right after this ends your family will probably leave

Wanna know why I hate you and wanna hit you with my car?

Here, let me tell you, it isn't the gender and not the sexuality you are

It's the way that you talk, it's the way that you are

Nobody cares about your opinions no more

I got a question, how you disrepect everyone and still think you're important?

I killed you already, this don't need a sequel

I'm honestly bored with this shit

Feels like I'm kicking a corpse with shoes you can't afford

Feel horrible doing you like this

How many times did you write your response?

Come on terf, take the bullet

You a real piece of shit

Nah, like a real piece of shit

Like if a piece of shit ate a piece of shit, and took a pee and shit

You're that piece of shit

Piece of shit

Nah, like a real piece of shit

Like if a piece of shit fucked a piece of shit and got an STD

You're that piece of shit

Bet you never thought you'd be dead first

I'ma put you in the oven then you'll get burned

I'ma put you in a pet urn

Piss into the bottle, mix it up, and turn the ash into plaster

Give it to your mom

Tell her “make statues of me just to capture my wind.”

I'll just spit in her face and I'll dip

Get a hammer and come back and smash it to bits

Put a plaque in its place so that no one forgets

That your biggest mistake was as good as it gets

For a gal whose life doesn't even exist

It's the peak of the mountain for you, this is it

Your aesthetic is pathetic, you don't get it, I'm prophetic

Your ethics are boring, fuck it, Guinness World Record

Be careful where you are headed, I'm cemented as a legend

David Sheldon severed out his head and you be the evidence

Every post that you ever enter I will always be the elephant

You deader than Lenin, I sent a letter to Heaven

That explodes when you open, I hope it gets your attention

I can smell it, you sweating, and it's 11:11

I make a wish that when you die you come back resurrected

So I can kill you again and again and again

For the record, if you're feeling kind of froggy and you jump you get dissected

Oh dear, I can't believe that I had to set this shit straight, man

Bad eyes? I hope you now see exactly what I say

TRANS PEOPLE ARE HERE TO FOREVER STAY.

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legendsofthegffa · 4 years

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Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

A Satisfying Conclusion to the Sequel Trilogy, But an Underwhelming Finale to the Skywalker Saga

**SPOILERS!**

Well folks, here we are; four years ago, Episode VII came out and, despite leaning very heavily on nostalgia, still proved to be an exciting new beginning for Star Wars on the big screen. Three years ago, we saw Rogue One, which has proven to be a film that I enjoy more with each viewing. Two years ago, Episode VIII divided the fan base in a way not seen since Episode I, and proved to be an emotionally trying film for me personally. A year ago, we were without a Star Wars film, as Solo had already come out, and unfortunately had been caught up in the backlash against The Last Jedi, despite being a solid film in its own right. And now here we are with Episode IX; an exciting and enjoyable film, but one that stumbles to deliver on forty years worth of films and storytelling.

Rather than go into the plot, I want to touch on various aspects kind of like I did with my review of The Last Jedi; in this way, I can address some of my thoughts, critiques and predictions from that film as well as about the Sequel trilogy as a whole. First and foremost, let’s look at the biggest and probably most controversial aspect of the film: Palpatine. Making Darth Sidious the final villain was an excellent choice as a means of tying all nine films together; where it stumbles in his sudden and inexplicable return. As a hardcore Star Wars fan who liked the original story of the Emperor’s return in Legends, I was fine with them doing the same thing in the movies; while I do wish Snoke had returned instead (would have really been that hard to hand-wave Snoke’s return? It would have established him as having powers that Sidious didn’t, would have turned him from the joke that he became back into a serious villain, and would have given this trilogy its own unique feel, rather than the post-script that it ultimately was). Unfortunately, one of the core tenets of this film seems to be doing damage control for Episode VIII, rather than allowing it to tell its own story. While I appreciate that in other aspects, Snoke and Sidious is one place where I wish they had stayed the course rather than appeasing the really-sour fans that take their dislike of the film to new levels.

So with that spiel out of the way, let’s get into Palpatine proper. We don’t get any definitive answer to how he returned, but the body he’s inhabiting his decrepit and corpse-like, suspended from a mechanical arm (which, in all of the reviews I have seen of the movie, have yet to mention that it looks like Megatron’s setup from Beast Machines), and missing fingers. My guess, and we’ll get into this more when we look at the quote-unquote “build-up” for his return in the EU, is that he managed to transfer his spirit into a clone body, but the body can’t handle Sidious’ dark side power and is wasting away. When Kylo comes to confront him, we learn that Sidious has been manipulating Ben for years, including creating and using Snoke as a puppet to train Kylo Ren and speaking to him as his grandfather, Darth Vader. His plan (such as it is), is to either get Kylo to kill Rey, before I can only presume draining his life-force after proving he was the stronger Force-user, or getting Rey to kill him so that his power will pass into her and she will take his place as Sith Empress of the galaxy. Ultimately, neither of those things happens, and he ends up draining the life of both Ben and Rey to regenerate himself, but even for Palpatine this seems like a messy and convoluted “plan”.

Speaking of the “plan”, lets look at the hints that were laid since 2015, now that we know what it’s all been “leading towards”. We know that Palpatine was looking to expand into the Unknown Regions due to sensing a strong dark side-presence there; while at first we all believed this to be Snoke, but now it seems to be the planet of Exogal. What comes next is a muddled and uncertain, but at some point Sidious seems to have found this planet and set up his ultimate fail safes: a duplicate body for him to inhabit should he die, and a cult of ultra-loyal and dedicated Sith adherents to serve as his attendants, instruments and Final Order. The events of the Original Trilogy occur, and after Palpatine is killed by Vader, he puts some of his other contingency orders into effect: Operation: Cinder, and laying the groundwork for the First Order (which we now know has just been a front for the Final Order). The Emperor believed that if he was killed, then the Empire and the rest of the galaxy deserved to burn; had this gone on without a hitch, its likely Palpatine would have returned with his combined forces of ultra-loyal followers once he had regained his power and swept up the remnants of the galaxy beneath him. However, the New Republic and some of the Imperials interfered in his plans and prevented Operation: Cinder from being carried out, as well as forcing the Empire’s surrender at the Battle of Jakku.

Now, its likely that as with in Legends, Palpatine’s clone body couldn’t handle so much dark side power, and this is why he looked like a corpse in the film: if this is his one-and-only perfect clone body, then its probably been wasting away since day one, and even if he’s been able to keep transferring his body, its clear that this is not a long-term solution, unlike in Legends, where Palpatine was fine with transferring his essence to fresh clones until that plan was sabotaged by his supposedly-loyal underlings. Either way, with his body wasting away, Sidious needs to either transfer his power to his chosen vessel i.e. his granddaughter, Rey, or he needs both Rey and Kylo Ren so he can draw on their Force-bond (which is a whole other thing that I’m not even sure how to address in this review) to regenerate himself. Ultimately, he winds up nearly killing Rey and Ben Solo before Rey is able to redirect his Force Lightning back at him and cause him to destroy himself; his final defeat is one of the weaker aspects of the film, but I’ll get into that more in a bit. While Palpatine’s return was great, and can be made to fit with everything that has been leading up to Episode IX, there is no denying that at the end of the day Sidious’ inclusion will always feel like a messy addition at best, and empty fan service at worst.

Now, with that long-winded look at Palpatine out of the way, let’s move on to… a…different…Palpatine….who’s also a Skywalker…Rey, I mean Rey. Rey Palpatine is one of those base-breaking decisions that seem to be ever-present in Star Wars these days: some people feel that the evidence supports it, others feel that it’s a random pull for the sake of “subverting expectations”. Where do I stand? I think there is juuuust enough wiggle room within Episodes VII and VIII to leave it ambiguous enough for me to accept the answer. The biggest question I’ve seen is where the heck Palpatine’s son was this entire time, and I definitely think that that is an interesting story to be told, especially in regards as to whether or not he (and his wife, for that matter) were Force-sensitive. Me personally, I would have preferred it if Rey was the reincarnation of Anakin – being sent back to complete their task and bring balance to the Force. Some people also have issues with her rejecting her name and choosing to call herself a Skywalker but 1) at first, I honestly thought she was going to call herself Solo, just because Han was the first of the three she met and he seemed to have had the most influence on her (along with Luke) 2) I think the Hitler parallel is perfectly app here, most especially because Hitler was one of Lucas’ inspirations for Palpatine, and no one in their right mind would go around the galaxy with the last name that was equivalent to Hitler, regardless of how much good she did (for crying out loud, Leia was forced out of politics because the galaxy found out who her father was), so I don’t really have a problem with her changing it, and 3) with the Skywalker bloodline now (most likely) extinct, I think it’s good to have someone to carry that torch forward, along with the Jedi. As for her ultimate ending, well, that still remains to be seen. Rey Skywalker now has her own, orange lightsaber, and a brand-new galaxy to explore and rebuild. I’ve heard that Daisy Ridely is done with Star Wars, and while that makes me incredibly sad to hear since I really like the character, I can understand her decision to walk away from so much toxicity. Besides, I never thought that I would ever see an Episode VII, let alone be writing a review for Episode IX so who knows? All ways in motion is the future.

Now, lets move from one Skywalker to another, or rather, a Solo. I believed that Kylo Ren was irredeemable, after murdering his father and clearly trying to kill his uncle. I believed that the Skywalker legacy would be one of failure, and it was another problem that I had with the Sequel Trilogy as a whole, which flew in the face of both in the belief in redemption as well as Skywalker legacy of Legends. Thankfully, I can say that I was completely mistaken; while Kylo does have to pay with his life, he ultimately redeems both himself and his family in a very beautiful way. It starts after he and Rey engage in yet another battle, only for her to impale him with her lightsaber; Rey quickly uses the Force to heal and save Kylo, who is left stunned at both his brush with death and his salvation coming from someone he has been trying to kill for months. Kylo then has an internal discussion with a mental projection of Han where they repeat the dialogue leading up to Han’s death only this time, Ben does reject the darkness and discards his Sith saber. After rushing to aid Rey in her confrontation with the Emperor (which involves Ben completely destroying the Knights of Ren), Ben is unable to prevent Rey from dying while defeating Sidious, but after tapping into the Force, he is able to bring Rey back long enough for them to share a kiss before becoming one with the Force himself.

Ben’s sacrifice is one of the best moments of the film and one of the extremely few ways it ties into the wider saga. Anakin fell to the dark side because he was afraid of losing Padme, which ultimately he did because of his anger and lust for power. His grandson, despite making many of the same mistakes as him, is able to do what Anakin wanted most in the entire galaxy: to save the one’s he loves. It does come at a price, namely that to bring someone back, someone else has to give up their own life-force, but it still brings us full circle in a very nice way that parallels Anakin’s journey. It also helps that in doing so, he helps redeem the Skywalker name by passing the torch so to speak and helping undo some of the damage he caused by aiding the Sith and the First Order. Ben’s redemption is one of the strongest moments of Episode IX, and it makes me a little sad that we wont get to see more of him in the future.

So, now that we’ve gotten most of the important stuff covered, lets move on to some nitpicks before we look at the film as a whole as well as the Sequel Trilogy. The biggest wasted potential in this film to me was the Knights of Ren and, by extension, Luke’s Jedi Order. Ever since Episode VII, we’ve had only the most tantalizing hints about this dark side order, and when they finally appear on the big screen, it’s to stand around looking intimidating before getting slaughtered by Ben on his way to join Rey in confronting Palpatine. We no exactly zero about them, what their philosophy is, how they differ from Sith or why they decided to join Ben when he fell and turned against his uncle; maybe those that joined him were so appalled by Luke’s attempted murder that they cast off the identity of Jedi completely. The point is we don’t know anything about them, nor do we ever learn anything about Luke’s Order and how it differed from the old Jedi Order; from what I can gather it seems that Luke recreated the old Order nearly exactly rather than improving on it like he did in Legends, and I can’t exactly blame some people from going nuts after joining a religious extremist group.

Just like with Phasma and Snoke, the Knights of Ren and Luke’s Jedi are treated as an afterthought, an interesting idea that other media can talk about, but the movies cant be bothered with, and that is not only frustrating, but poor writing as well; and I know that all of these have a parallels with stuff from the Original Trilogy and the Prequels as well, but that just leads me to the jagged bedrock of my complaint: not learning from past mistakes, and just shrugging shoulders and saying “good enough, let someone else fill in the details.” The same also holds true for the final battle of the film; compared to the space battles of Episode III and VI, the one here is again, treated as almost an afterthought – something that needs to be there, but only serves as a backdrop to what’s going on with Palpatine. This battle includes fleets, ships and troops in almost never before seen numbers, and yet we only get a few snippets of action and shots here and there; when the reinforcements arrive, they fill out the screen, but none of them do anything special, or memorable or impressive. They go through all that trouble of having such an immense fleet, only for 95-99% of the action take place off screen. As with Palpatine’s defeat, the massive fleet had great build-up and potential, but fizzled out rather than concluding with a bang.

Speaking of the final battle, lets talk about the other half of that coin and its own lackluster finish. We’ve already gone over how Palpatine is defeated, but what I and so many other fans lamented was that no Force ghosts appeared, only spoke to Rey, and that the one appearance that would have really worked and helped give the film that sense of finality that it’s been claiming to represent, would have been an appearance by Anakin Skywalker. Seeing Anakin again after a decade-and-a-half since Episode III would have been incredible, given hardcore fans something special, and made sense within the story. We do hear him speak directly to Rey, but I have to wonder if either J.J. didn’t want to do it so as to keep the focus on Rey and her purpose/identity as All-the-Jedi-In-One, or maybe Hayden decided he didn’t want do it (and I cant say I blame him, after how toxic members of this Fandom treated him), but having three actors and characters from each of the three eras would have been a treat for everyone, and it’s yet another misstep that the film made.

So, overall, how do I feel about Star Wars: Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker? While I can appreciate everything that we got and how much it seems like they really wanted to repair the damage The Last Jedi did to the fanbase, I cant help but wonder at what could have been: what if the trilogy had been planned out from the start, or at least handled by one unifying creative director? Either way, it seems like what really hurt this trilogy was lack of direction and having to play catch-up when you only have half the pieces of the puzzle. In turns of the grand culmination of the Skywalker Saga…it’s not; it’s a satisfying conclusion to its own trilogy of stories, but in terms of being the grand culmination of forty years worth of stories, it just isn’t. If it was, it would have been treated that way and actually tied more of the three trilogies together instead of relying on nostalgia to round out the story the same way it began with Episode VII. I know this sounds like I didn’t like the movie, but I did: when I left the theater I was pleased with what I had just seen, and excited to see where the future was going to take these characters (well, mostly Rey, but that’s because Poe is barely involved in the story and poor Finn gets almost nothing to do – I heard how his entire character has been distilled into “the guy who shouts ‘whoo!’”, which is entirely apt and correct and yet another major misstep with this series since we finally have a character that was a former stormtooper, and they do nothing with him). While there are currently no plans for future films with these characters, there was a time when we all thought we would never, ever ever, ever see an Episode VII either, so I hold out hope that someday, these characters will return to pass the torch off to the next generation someday.

Final Score: 7.5/10

*Bonus*

My Star Wars 11 Films Rankings

Star Wars: Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope

Star Wars: Episode VII: The Force Awakens

Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Star Wars: Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker

Star Wars: Rogue One

Star Wars: Solo

Star Wars: Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Star Wars: Episode VIII: The Last Jedi

Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace

#star wars #star wars canon #star wars 9 #rise of skywalker #rise of skywaker spoilers

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nellie-elizabeth · 5 years

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Supernatural: Moriah (14x20)

Well then! Yeesh!

Cons:

I wish we could do a bit more to sort out this whole Cas vs. Dean thing. Now that we've got bigger fish to fry for next season, it seems like Dean and Cas' pretty intense disagreement will likely be pushed aside in favor of... you know... surviving the end-times. But maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised, and their relationship drama will continue to be a factor as we enter into the final season of this show.

I really, really like the direction this is going, but I can't help but wonder if there were re-writes once the decision was made that Season Fifteen would be the end. It seems to me that several elements of the story, especially the stuff with Lucifer coming back, wound up being scrapped in favor of the ridiculously awesome reveal that Chuck is our final Big Bad. So while this finale on its own kicked some major ass, there were definitely some elements that didn't add up for me in terms of the buildup from the rest of the season.

Pros:

What a smart episode this was, though. Honestly. Usually the finales of Supernatural have to escalate things to some new extreme height so that we know what's coming in the next season. Oh no, we've started the apocalypse! Oh no, all the angels have fallen from Heaven! Oh no, the Darkness has been released! This season is, in some ways, no exception to that. Apparently, God is the villain. And he's done playing nice. While this might seem like just another classic Supernatural power-creep escalation, it's actually something a little different. And I love it. This is an opportunity to pit early show vs. late show against each other, by bringing back old villains, but letting Sam, Dean, and Cas handle it in the way they've learned to do over their many years of being hunters. It's an opportunity for nostalgia while at the same time a chance to focus on the one and only true central theme of Supernatural: free will. Honestly, this show goes all over the place with its plots and messaging, but at the center of it all, from day one, has been the idea of free will, and I love that we're setting up the final season to be a direct reckoning of that theme.

This episode was also a lot more down-to-earth than some other finales we've got. It's very focused - Jack is out there. Dean wants to kill him. Sam admits that killing him is maybe their only option. Cas is not on board. Three different approaches to one big problem. Meanwhile, Jack is trying to do the right thing without a soul to guide his conscience. And then God is there, and we learn once and for all that he truly does view the Winchesters as a story. That they've been puppets all along, dancing for his amusement. The end. I love that a lot of this episode really was just sitting around talking things out, making plans. It felt real, and grounded, in a way that I really appreciate from this show.

Let's talk Dean and Sam for a minute - I loved the scene when Dean said he was going to take the shot at Jack, effectively killing both Jack and himself. They don't even need to have the full conversation, because they've been there so many times before. And Sam says no - he's not going to be okay with a plan that makes him lose Jack and Dean in one fell swoop. He's lost enough as it is. Dean, who has over the last few seasons grown into a person who actually respects his brother's right to make his own decisions, has been having a bit of a relapse on account of Mary's death. He takes the gun and leaves without telling Sam. It's predictable, and frustrating, and it was easy for me to feel Sam's pain.

I love how angry Dean is, how his tight grip on his control seems to be in constant danger of snapping. He loves Sam, he loves Cas, and he loved Jack, but he can't bring himself to process those emotions in a healthy way right now. He needs to be a man on a mission, otherwise he'll fall apart. Jensen is doing such a great job with this. There's the moment in his conversation with Sam where he talks about the fact that God told them that Jack needed to die, so that's the end of the discussion. It's just so Dean to be such a hypocrite about this. Billie tells him that locking himself in a box is the only way to save the world? Cool. He'll do it. God tells him to kill his foster son? Cool. He'll do it. Because Dean Winchester kind of hates himself. And he definitely hates himself for Mary's death. It's just that in this case, he can kill Jack, the person who he outwardly blames, and himself, the person who he blames for everything, in one fell swoop. Yeesh. Poor Dean.

The moment when Dean shows up to kill Jack, and Cas is there and tells Jack to run? I fucking lost my mind. I am so in love with the way they've positioned Dean and Cas on opposite sides of this debate. These are two men who would die for each other - who have died for each other in fact. And in this moment, they are as opposed as they've ever been. Not since Season Six have we seen Cas and Dean at such odds with one another. There's this delicious tension to knowing that Dean is going to kill Jack at any cost, and Cas is going to stop Dean from killing Jack at any cost, and yet the thought of either of these people doing anything to hurt the other is so ludicrous. This is the stuff good drama is made of.

Then there's Sam Winchester, who easily gets MVP from me for this episode. We've seen, from the very early stages of this show when angels were considered an unrealistic fairy-tale, that Sam has always had faith. Maybe he hasn't quite understood the specifics of his own belief, but he's believed in a higher power and he's believed in the essential goodness of that power. We saw the way he behaved with Chuck when they met the last time. He was worshipful. Dean didn't quite understand it, but Sam... even when Sam was annoyed or frustrated with Chuck, he actually believed in him. So the moment when Sam says "hey, Chuck," and shoots God in the shoulder is honestly just... exquisite.

Sam spends this episode trying to contextualize everything that's been happening to them recently - he blames himself for Mary's death, because he's the one who brought Jack back without a soul. He tries to understand why Chuck hasn't been showing up to help them before now. He tries to explain himself to Dean, to make his brother hear him. He tries to reconcile his love for Jack with what Jack has become. And then he picks up a gun and he shoots God, even knowing he'll hurt or even kill himself to do it. And it's not a brave sacrifice play, or a planned moment - it's done in anger, in desperation, in fear. The realization that Chuck doesn't care about them is the biggest betrayal Sam Winchester has ever faced, and that's saying something, given the life he's lead. It's so hugely important to me that Sam is the one to make this move, and not Dean. It represents a breaking point for his character that I cannot wait to see play out next season.

Obviously I figured that Dean wouldn't really kill Jack, but I admire how much tension they still managed to put into that scene, and how, as Cas says "writers lie." The magic gun doesn't kill Jack; Chuck does that directly once he realizes that Dean isn't going to play the little game he's devised. We get this final shot of Sam, Dean, and Cas all standing back to back, ready to fight against the hoard of returned villains that are closing in on them. Cas has the angel blade, but Sam and Dean are practically unarmed, and Sam is bleeding from a gunshot wound to the shoulder. It's bleak, and on top of it all there's Jack's corpse just sitting there, a reminder of their failure.

We see Jack awaken in the Empty, and Billie seems to have plans for him, so now we've got a Billie vs. Chuck situation, with Jack, Cas, and the Winchesters as potential pawns. I am beyond excited to see how this plays out, and where Team Free Will lands in this battle for their own agency.

Before I finish this review, I want to praise the episode for suggesting the apocalyptic scope of Jack's powers. This show has never managed to really convey the way the whole world is affected by the various apocalypse-y type things that have come up over the years. But here we see that Jack's order to "stop lying" actually throws the whole world into chaos. If Chuck had wanted to see that play out, he would have; it's only his ability to reset things that saves the world. We see how people's inability to lie leads to instant resentments and chaos. It's actually a pretty great trope to explore some inter-character drama, so at first I was a little surprised that Sam and Dean didn't accidentally drop any uncomfortable truth bombs on each other when they both lacked the ability to lie. But then I realized - while Sam and Dean are having a rough time because of Mary right now, they are firmly on each other's sides and fighting to preserve their family at all costs. They actually aren't hiding anything from each other, and they haven't been for quite some time.

As a plus, all of this stuff is actually pretty humorous too - I loved the Celine Dion bit, and Dean going on and on about internet gossip, and the guys fighting about yogurt, the newscaster confessing his love, and the not-so-subtle dig at Trump.

Okay. This review is long, but I think that's allowed, given that it's for a finale. I greatly enjoyed it. I thought the smaller scale and the more character-driven story worked in its favor, and I love that everything from the plot to the framing is placing Castiel on equal footing with Sam and Dean as a protagonist for the finale season. I can't wait to see what we get next year! This time in 2020, I'll be sobbing my eyes out as "Carry On Wayward Son" plays over one last montage... it's going to be a wild ride.

9/10

#review #supernatural #supernatural review #14x20 #spn 14x20 #moriah

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mikakrul-gives-me-life · 5 years

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Seraph of the End Theory: Being a Vampire is an euphism for having Depression

Hi everyone. This is your friendly neighborhood Scot mikakrul-gives-me-life here, and welcome to my first fan theory about Seraph of the End.

So, I think, in this show, being a Vampire is an euphism for having depression

This has been on my mind ever since I first watched Seraph of the End. I myself suffer from depression, and watching SoTE hit me in the feels about my depression, especially via the character of Mika. Let's dive in.

Firstly let's look at what happens when a human becomes a Vampire:

They lose all/most of their capability to feel emotion

They have no desire

They feel as if they have no reason to live

They feel worthless

They feel as if they don't have any emotional connections or bonds with anyone

Now, compare those with the signs and symptoms of a depressed/suicidal person

Not feeling happy anymore

Not feeling emotionally connected to people anymore

Feeling like a burden

Not enjoying things that you used to like

Feelings of worthlessness that persist for over two weeks

Not feeling like there's a home for you

Lack of social interaction with others

Constantly staring down at the floor

Having no desire to do anything

Just staying in the same spot for hours

Not really doing anything or caring when anyone insults you or related

Thinking everything and everyone would be better off if you killed themselves

Thinking life has no meaning anymore

Having immense feelings of anxiety and guilt

It's scarily accurate. It's too accurate to be a coincidence. This is why I believe Kagami himself, in real life, may have suffered from depression as well because only someone with depression could write such an accurate description of it.

Another thing that struck me about these vampires was that they hated the First Progenitor, who was their creator, for giving them such crappy lives. Compare this to a suicidal/depressed person hating God for giving them a crappy life.

Also, notice how most of the vampires are emotionless? Like, they have stoic expressions that don't change at all? That's what happens to you when you're depressed. Depression kills your ability to feel happiness and leaves you as an emotionless corpse. It's like being ready to die because you feel that there is no point in life anymore, you're a burden on everyone and death is the only thing that can give you peace.

Having depression is described by many as a curse. Ferid and Krul at different times refer to being a vampire a curse.

I believe that Ferid, Crowley and Mikaela represent different aspects of depression and how they deal with it.

Let's start with Mikaela.

It's established early on that Mika was abused by his parents, and him going to Ferid for food is clearly a prostitution/pedophilia analogy. Being abused by your parents and sexual abuse are two of the biggest factors for depression in young children. Even my own depression was caused by these two things. Some famous people who also had depression because of this include Chester Bennington. Depression leads to feelings of self loathing and self hatred, which in turn leads to suicide.

Now, Mika is clearly depressed. But here's something I noticed, that I'm surprised no one else did.

Mika’s “depression” didn't begin as he was turned into a vampire. It was before that.

Remember that scene where Krul kissed Mika? Before that, she offered him a choice asking if he wanted to live. Mika denied it, wanting to die instead.

THAT was when his depression began. The minute Ferid cut off his arm, he gave up all hope. At that point he was ready to die.

Even if he somehow did manage to survive as a human, it wouldn't change a thing about his personality. I believe that most of his cynical character is rooted in himself, not because he became a vampire.

Now let's move on to his relationship with Krul.

This one is rather confusing, because I cannot specifically pin what exactly Krul’s role to Mika is. It could be either

Krul is an euphism for a psychiatrist/psychologist. Think about it. She pulls Mika out of the brink of death and heals him, provides him the love and support and emotional connection he's been missing out on. It's implied that Mika told her everything about his life, like one would do to a psychiatrist. Her blood could be an euphism for antidepressants, which is why Mika craves it.

Krul is an euphism for an owner and Mika is her puppy. Think about it. She refers to Mika as her “puppy”, “servant” and “pet”. I mean, unless you're into S&M and that's what you call your sub, I don't know why else you'd say that. But Mika is an abused puppy. A scared one, and she showers him with the love, warmth and affection he needs in an attempt to pull him out of his depression. She wants him to be happy like puppies usually are. She also strokes his hair and pets him like he's her puppy. Even Lacus at one point says that Krul is tugging on Mika’s leash. Okay now that I think of it that's definitely a BDSM reference.

Krul is an euphism for God. Maybe I'm overanalyzing on this one a bit, but listen. She arrives at an INSANELY contrived time to rescue Mika and she bends the rules of mortal life and death for him. Also, when you look at the way Mika drinks from her from a specific angle it looks like he's in a praying position. Since Mika was named after an angel it makes sense.

Krul is an euphism for a savior. She pulled Mika out of a life where he was forced to prostitute himself for food, and she continues to provide Mika with free food and not demand anything in return. Mika owes his life to her for saving him.

Krul is an euphism for someone who has overcome depression, and wants to help Mika overcome his own. Given that Krul has been alive for over 1200 years, surely she must have found some way to put up with the curse of being a vampire. Either that, or she's still looking for it and having someone who suffers depression can help her.

Honestly, I don't know what exactly it is because we haven't seen much of Krul, despite the fact that she's the best character in the entirety of the anime. I haven't quite gotten my finger on it but right now (26th March 2019) these are my best guesses. I wish we got more of her though, so I could determine it.

Okay, now let's move on to Crowley.

Mika’s depression is rooted more in the abuse bit and feelings of self loathing, whilst Crowley’s one seems to be more of losing interest in things.

Let's start with the beginning of The Story of Vampire Mikaela.

It establishes that ever since the Crusade, Crowley has been losing interest in being a Templar, something Ferid, Jose and Gilbert lampshade on later. He rarely interacts with his comrades, instead choosing to stay alone like a hermit in his house. His reaction to Jose coming in is basically GET OUT OF MY SWAMP.

Like Mikaela, he shows symptoms of depression/common behavior characteristics of a vampire before becoming a vampire.

I think Chapter 3 of the novel (the ones where his Templar comrades fucking party) is one of the most important bits of the novel, because it shows us a lot about Crowley’s personality.

Crowley is shown to be introverted and not very social. Compare that to his best friend Victor who's really social with everyone, and literally any other Templar. With the exception of Gilbert, Crowley’s behavior is different from everyone else's.

I think Chapter 3 of the novel (the ones where his Templar comrades fucking party) is one of the most important bits of the novel, because it shows us a lot about Crowley’s personality.

Crowley is shown to be introverted and not very social. Compare that to his best friend Victor who's really social with everyone, and literally any other Templar. With the exception of Gilbert (Gilbert is seriously fucking underrated and deserved better), Crowley’s behavior is different from everyone else's.

All his Templar friends are social and outgoing, unlike him. I always interpreted it as Crowley having severe anxiety disorder or something. He's more of the shut in type. Scientific research suggests a link between anxiety and depression.

I feel that after the war, that's when Crowley’s suicidal feelings begin. He doesn't enjoy being a Templar like he used to, he doesn't ever seem to be happy. It seems that he's just waiting for his death to come. He seems to hate himself and even blames himself for not saving his comrades. He starts losing interest in everything, and that carries onto when he becomes a Vampire.

The end of the novel where Jose dies stabbed me in the feels. He was such a sweet cinnamon roll who deserved better. It affected Crowley as well, because for him that was the last straw. After that he became completely emotionless. Jose was the last connection Crowley had to the human world, and after he was gone, Crowley truly lost his humanity.

I think that it's something we're all personally afraid of - scared of losing interest in the things we love and change our completely happy and content states and becoming an entirely different person. Like I said before, depression kills your ability to feel happy. It kills your ability to feel love and self worth, and leaves you as a mess of worthlessness and hatred.

And now, Ferid. Dear God, Ferid.

Many people theorize that Ferid acts the way he does because a long time ago, he became a vampire and ever since then, he's been losing his emotions. His stints for “entertainment” are the only things that can give him emotional stimulation.

I kind of find fault with that theory, because it's been mentioned that Ferid was always like this, even as a child. Like Mikaela and Crowley: common characteristics of a vampire before becoming one himself.

We don't know much about Ferid's childhood, but we can assume Saito was there, though I doubt it. Saito treated Ferid the same way Ferid treated Mika, (though without the creepy rape/pedophilia thing, hopefully). An alternative theory is that he treated him like Guren treats Yu.

Here's what I think.

Ferid, even as a child, was insanely clever and because of that it was hard for him to make friends. Seriously. Becoming a vampire had no effect on him, because he was always like that.

The main reason he got along with Saito so well was because like him, Saito was insanely clever. Ferid saw him as an equal, but Saito only saw him for his Seraph gene and when that was deemed insufficient for him, he abandoned Ferid. Maybe he turned Ferid into a vampire as a punishment for not being enough for him.

But that's just beating around the bush, let's get too how Ferid represents an aspect of a depressed person.

Ferid, in my opinion, represents the Stepford Smiler aspect of depression. As the TV Tropes article says, it's a person who pretends their happy when they're actually the complete opposite.

When you're depressed, you don't really show it to your friends or loved ones. You act completely normal in front of them, but when you're alone you're a sobbing wreck.

Ferid on the surface acts happy, but in reality it's to mask everything he feels about Saito: anger, sadness, confusion, hurt or curiosity. I say Saito specifically because he's the only one who Ferid seems to care about.

His stints may or may not be for emotional stimulus, either they are, or either Ferid wants to wait for Saito to come back and needs to find some way to keep himself occupied until that day comes. Ferid could have other motives we don't know about.

Ferid could also trying to emulate Saito. He sees Saito being all cool and everything and thinks that if he becomes like him, all his depressed feelings will go away. He could be trying to turn Saito back into a human.

I don't know because like they say, Ferid is unpredictable. It could be one of our theories or something no one has ever thought of before.

But one things for certain: Being a Vampire is an euphism for having Depression.

And that really makes me think….what could have happened to Takaya Kagami that made him write all this?

He must have obviously had depression in real life, because this is scarily accurate.

I don't know much about his personal life and his website doesn't say anything about it either. I know that mangaka don't reveal their personal information that commonly but maybe in the future he may be more public about it.

I hope I'm not overanalyzing everything.

It's 1:33 AM as I write this I should be in bed now dammit.

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demigodofhoolemere · 5 years

Text

Oh boy. Here we go. Gonna try to get my Endgame thoughts out. Usually I give spoiler-free versions as well, but... you really can’t say a word about this movie that isn’t a spoiler, so everything goes under the cut.

~~~

Shortest summary: the things that were good were really good, but the things that were bad were just as bad (aka disappointing), and there are gray areas in between that I have complicated feelings for.

I’ll start with the bad so I can end with the good.

Complaints

- Anyone who knows how I feel about Ragnarok knows that the first and most frustration-filled complaint has to be about Thor. I try not to speak too openly about my feelings for that movie, because a) I don’t want to ruin anyone’s fun by saying how much I hate the thing they love, no one wants to hear that, and b) I don’t want to be eaten alive for it anyway. But given that we’re under the cut now: I really hate that movie. And there’s a plethora of things I could get into about that which I won’t, the important point here is that I can’t stand Thor’s characterization. They stripped him of everything that made him who he was, to the point of such unrecognizability that I only call him by name in quotation marks or refer to him as Fake Thor. I know how many people consider the overhaul an improvement, but I genuinely loved who he once was, and they turned my boy into the exact kind of character that I hate ten out of ten times. Infinity War, while still very much trying to keep with who he’d become, seemed like it was attempting to course-correct and let him actually be serious again, he definitely had some moments that I liked where I could see him as the Thor I know peeking out again. Foolishly I assumed Endgame would follow suit, especially since this is supposed to be the biggest, darkest movie ever. Instead I’m subjected to a “Thor” who is SOMEHOW even further removed from recognition and manages to even be an insult to Ragnarok Thor, who in the very least refused to give up on his goals and knew that hiding and drinking wasn’t the answer to problems. This yet newer version is drinking himself into oblivion and not trying even a bit to actually be any kind of leader for his people, and it’s all played for laughs. This genuinely tragic and miserable state they put him in is all played for laughs. I was looking forward to seeing how they’d have Thor respond to his trauma and depression, foolishly thinking that his characterization might be slowly headed to a better place and it might be something like how we used to see Thor deal with his pain (quietly, soldiering on, but clearly without his heart completely in it, he tries to be okay and he hides it and he smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes, and he hurts and he grieves but he never gives up because surrender is not in his nature) — but it turns out the man can’t even be depressed without it being a joke. It honestly pained me to watch and I wanted to throw up, because it feels like a stranger walking around in Thor’s corpse, and because it was all just one long joke about him being sad and fat (like that’s okay to make fun of?), and all of this during the hugest movie event ever. The culmination of a decade of stories, and this is what we get. A disgrace in every way. It’s terrible but when Thanos was digging the weapon into his chest, I was actually hoping he’d die. I can’t take it anymore. The only reason I have left for caring whether he lives is purely for Loki’s sake at this point, because he shouldn’t have to lose his brother, but then again, I really don’t even feel like his brother is home anymore. The lights are on but it’s someone else in the house and I don’t know who he is, all I know is I never want to have to see him again. (When Frigga says he’s not the Thor she knows... I know she meant it differently but that was a mood).

- Also, he never talks about Loki for a second, not a single namedrop, he’s not even alluded to in the present day outside of the audience simply knowing that it’s part of the reason Thor hates Thanos, but it’s vague at best. He outright walks past Loki in his cell without a moment of reaction. Their entire history and bond is treated as nonexistent. Thanks.

- While they were at it the movie also refused to acknowledge anything that Thanos did to Loki pre-New York, which I really didn’t expect but it would have been nice. Best we have is two seconds in IW of Bruce saying that he “sent” him, which really doesn’t do justice to the truth of it. And the thing is... I don’t know that I can even expect the Loki series to address it, either. It’s not present day Loki, which I’m peeved about because I wanted him back, and now we lose all post-Avengers character development, and I lose hope of seeing the one thing I’ve wanted for this character in the 7 years I’ve known and loved him: healing. I’ve only ever wanted to see him get help, figure out his mind, figure out who he wants to be, make progress and get better. Goodness knows that’s all Tom ever talks about wanting for him, too. I doubt that will happen now, given that a) they had Loki peace out with the Tesseract and b) the synopsis was something about him traveling through Earth history and influencing events, both of which tell me we could easily be going down the ‘haha I love stealing the Tesseract and stabbing people at random’ road that I so don’t want to go down, with an added ‘I want to screw up time just because’ for good measure. He’s a trickster, yes, but he didn’t used to be like this, and if this is all they’ll let him be then I lose hope of seeing him allowed to be emotional, or having any of his trauma acknowledged, or being shown to have actual personal motivations and desires outside of mischief, and the hope that he would have a moral code and display a capacity for goodness (yes, Loki has those things) is likely a pipe dream. Tom is my only hope, and knowing how he is with the character, his hands are extremely safe ones to be in and I know that no matter what’s written he’ll do all he can to bring as much truth to Loki as possible, but it still depends on who’s in charge, and unless by miracle it ends up being Kenneth Branagh, I have trust issues. I’m happy he’s alive at all but I’m worried about my boy. I just want him back from the present day, revived from having to be brutally murdered by his torturer, and out of the hands of anyone who’s not going to take care of his character.

- By the way, is “the sun will shine on us again” really just false hope after all that? He was the only optimistic person in the movie and had a suspicious 3+ minute absence where he could have been doing anything, and nothing comes of that? I mean, I’m grateful for the true sacrifice, and I’m glad the Russos know that he would do that (my issue with the scene not being that he uses a dagger, but only that we’re not shown him trying anything else first; I believe he’d do what he did if it was the last possible thing he could attempt, I just wish we’d been shown that that was definitively the case), and that it didn’t lean into the ‘oh he just loves faking his death’ misunderstanding, but I was kinda hoping for a reversal, you know? It wouldn’t change the impact, he still made his choice and it’s still massive for the character, it just... wouldn’t have to be permanent... please I miss my son so much.

- PROFFESOR HULK. I was afraid they’d go down this route, and it seemed more or less confirmed by the time the movie was about to come out. I’m highly uncomfortable with the whole concept, I’ve never liked it in any medium. Bruce was already OOC as well at times, particularly his first scene in the diner, but having him do this pretty much equates to him murdering Hulk. It’s Bruce’s consciousness in Hulk’s body, which kind of kicks out Hulk. Is his mind trapped inside or is he just gone? Either way, there’s clearly no intention of ever reversing this, which ends up still effectively killing Hulk no matter how you go about it. The arc Bruce has been on was supposed to be about him accepting Hulk, and the two of them learning to work together better. Having Bruce decide that he only wants the body is NOT conflict resolution. They acted like it was the best of both worlds, as if Hulk was only ever a secondary body and not an actual separate living personality, which drives me crazy. He was unceremoniously taken out, offscreen, by the same man who gave him life. He deserved better than that, he deserved to live. Now we’ll never see him again. Not a fun day to be a Hulk fan.

- Over-the-top humor where there shouldn’t have been. I love good humor, I’m grateful for relief from angst, and there were some very good funny moments, but there comes a point where it shouldn’t be done, if you can’t do it well and in a way that is not inappropriate for the tone (hint: fat jokes are inappropriate for the tone). Humor abuse is frustratingly growing more and more common, in Marvel and in general.

- Angst for the sake of angst regardless of whether it could have been avoided. I know that much of fiction works like this but still. Stephen could have used the Time Stone on Tony’s injuries to bring him to the moment before it happened, so that he could be saved without undoing the victory. He saved Wong that way, Thanos used the stone on Vision without changing anything else around him, we know it’s possible. Same could have been done for Nat, too. And my sister pointed out that they should have just time traveled to somewhere in that 22-day timespan to get the stones from Thanos before he destroyed them, because they were all together and it would have saved them the time heist and the massive battle. I know the movie would have been over quickly, but seriously, they went to a lot of trouble that they didn’t need to. I like having reasons for why things have to be done or not done a certain way, rather than asking me to ignore the obvious ways out.

- The time travel logic REALLY needed to be explained better. They made a point of contradicting the traditionally accepted time travel rules, and made a minor attempt at explaining how they were choosing to do it, but didn’t make it clear enough to follow. I can’t figure out for the life of me what’s supposed to become of Gamora, or why Nebula killing herself in the past doesn’t kill her in the present, or what in the world happens to personal timelines that have been tampered with (Loki not experiencing TDW and onward, Peggy not having her family, etc), among many other questions. Nothing makes any sense and they left a total mess in their wake. It felt like they were just giving themselves a pass to do whatever they wanted rather than follow any logic.

- On that note: Gamora. As much as I refuse to give up hope for her, it seems to me that they’re not planning on fixing that. The only reason I hadn’t been as panicked for her wellbeing as I could have been was because I figured they couldn’t just leave things that way. I remembered James Gunn once said that Vol 3 could be watched without having seen IW and Endgame, which implied to me that there would be no Guardians deaths that wouldn’t get undone, but now I’m wondering if it’s set before IW or I just misremembered what he said entirely - either way it’s feeling like we’re really just starting over with 2014 Gamora, which is all kinds of messed up to 2018 Gamora. What kind of ending is that? Killed by her abusive kidnapper “father”, and trying to make the audience sympathetic to his pain? That scene was beautifully done, in a sick and twisted way, but it needs to be fixed. I want her back in one piece. She deserved to see the end of Thanos, in her own normal timeline and not in her new one, and move on with her life and her sister and her family. Justice for Gamora.

- Rocket calling Mantis “the chick with the antennae”, as if he wasn’t friends with her for four years. I’m pretending that he was just getting too emotional saying all of their names and decided to distance himself from it, because that’s the only thing that makes sense, unless he’s legitimately having a memory problem in his older age. Rocket is gruff but his team is his family and that includes Mantis.

- Five years later. Why. Please don’t make my kids go through this for five years. You only did this for the Morgan pain, you sadists. You know that’s the only reason you did this, it didn’t need to be five years, why do you like to hurt me—

- In general it just felt like it didn’t live up to the promises Infinity War made? It feels like a completely different event.

- No Dum-E and U at the funeral. Unrealistic, Tony wouldn’t stand to have his bots left out. I know this isn’t important, but it’s important.

Conflicting Feelings

- Less worried about Vision since I know he and Wanda have a show coming and Feige said that the Disney+ shows are post-Endgame, but we don’t know in what capacity he’ll appear. He could be emotionless White Vision, or Wanda could be going House-of-M style and hallucinating him or trying to change reality to keep him, or who knows what else. Hopefully it’s all good. Cautiously optimistic?

- Not sure about Clint becoming a killer. I can buy a mourning family man having that anger in him, and I know Ronin is a comics thing and that historically he can have a bit of a temper at times, but at the same time... it’s Clint. I can’t figure out how I feel about it.

- What Tony did was amazing and everything, but Nebula still should have been the one to kill Thanos.

- Making it five years later makes things very awkward for setting things right. If you were to undo everything, you erase important things that happened in the time since, especially children born (and when they introduced Morgan I knew what path they were taking). It makes sense to bring people back without turning the time back. But the snapped people also miss five years of world developments, five years of their loved ones’ lives, and will now forever be younger than people that they used to be older than. Worse, it won’t undo the damage that was done outside of the snap. People who died in crashes because their drivers or pilots disappeared, people who died on operating tables because their surgeons disappeared, people who committed suicide because they couldn’t live with what happened. Those people are never coming back, unless we pretend that Tony took them into account when he fixed things. It’s just... no matter what way you go about fixing things, it’s uncomfortable for somebody.

- Nat’s death. Conflicted purely because I love her and I want her back. The death was incredibly well done and emotionally impactful and believable for the character and the journey she’s been on all these years. Can’t say enough for how much I loved she and Clint stopping each other back and forth, and how flipping proud I am of her and who she is. I would bring her back in a heartbeat and I’m completely devastated, but I’m so proud. However, where was her funeral?

- Tony... I sooo prepped myself for the wrong Avenger. I’ve been expecting Steve to die for years now, so that’s what I went in thinking would happen, and while I did have my concerns and occasional doubts, I had become like 90% convinced that Tony would be okay because I didn’t think they could actually do it, especially with him having so much to live for. It’s utterly heartbreaking, because we’ve gone through YEARS with him, he’s suffered so much and he’s earned his happy ending a thousand times over, it was owed to him, and to watch him die when happiness was within his grasp... that’s not entertainment anymore, you know? It’s just twisted and sadistic. I can see how it ties things together and wraps up his story, but not in a satisfying way. I wanted nothing more than for him to get to live with his family. If he had to die, the way they did it was amazing, it was beautiful and epic and it meant something, the reactions of Pepper and the others were completely heartbreaking in every horrible way, they used so many callbacks to his previous movies and especially the first one (I am NOT even getting into all of them, holy crap, they murdered me so many times over), it hit in all the right ways and it was all the right kinds of angst, it’s exactly the kind of thing I’d have done if I had to write that... but I didn’t want this. I’m devastated beyond description. I had to watch my sweet boy die with my own two eyes. He built the MCU from the ground up and this is his sendoff. It’s certainly one befitting his character, but that doesn’t mean it’s what he deserved. I want to erase this from my memories. Nothing happened, it’s fine.

- This one is going to sound cruel, but... as much as I don’t want Steve to die, I would have been less dissatisfied if it had been him. He had less to lose, I felt. He never truly felt like he belonged in the 21st century, he always struggled to figure himself and his place in life out, never seemed very comfortable in his own skin. It would have made sense for him to be the one to make the sacrifice. I could have accepted him achieving his personal peace in reuniting with the loved ones he’s lost, he’d get so much of his life back even if it had to be in the next one.

- On the Steve note, I love him and Peggy as much as the next person, truly truly truly, but... she had a family, she had an entire life. The Russos claim that the family still exists, but because none of this timeline stuff was made clear, it just feels like Steve erased her whole history so he could be with her and it honestly came across as uncharacteristically selfish of him. Yes, he deserves happiness as much as any of the Avengers, and believe me, I was sobbing watching them finally get their dance. Part of me is happy and satisfied. But... it doesn’t feel right. Not him messing with her life, not him going through all of those decades knowing what was happening to Bucky and doing nothing, not any of it. Obviously I know he struggled to move on, I mentioned that above, but he DID create a family and he had friends and people he loved, and he just left them. It doesn’t sit well. It gets worse when you factor Sharon into it, because for one thing, she’d now be his grand-niece and he’d have to live with the knowledge that he’s kissed her, and for another, talk about one last kick to the dead horse that was any hope of Sharon being allowed an ounce of good treatment from the MCU. There was a draft of IW where she and Steve were trying to live in an apartment together, that kind of seals the deal that they were attempting a relationship, and yet... not one bit of consideration for her. I’ve never even shipped the two together, but I care about Sharon and she has been done SO dirty, I feel so bad. I wish I could be happy about Steve and Peggy’s happy ending without so many things hanging uncomfortably overhead.

Good

- Got to watch Thanos die twice.

- Got to watch Tony and Nebula play table football.

- Clint has finally returned to me!!!

- So many good character interactions with emotional depth and people truly being friends. Eating sandwiches and laying around brainstorming. Steve and Natasha is always a favorite. Nat and Clint absolutely destroyed me, I love how they are as close as is humanly possible without crossing the romantic threshold (pretty similar to her with Steve, come to think of it). I loved Tony and Nebula’s relationship, and her scenes with Rhodey were meaningful. She and Rocket holding hands, my heart. Some good Rhodey and Carol content in there. Very nice to see Scott interact with people more properly than he got to in CW, and to see the Guardian survivors dealing with their Earth friends (I am never getting over Nat receiving emails from Rocket). That Clint and Wanda moment got me. Also just... so nice to see Clint even exist to interact with anyone at all, frankly. And I finally started to believe Steve and Tony as friends in this canon. A little.

- Generally just emotional about all of my babies.

- MARRIED PEPPERONY. WITH A CHILD. PRECIOUS FATHER TONY STARK. ALL MY DREAMS COME TRUE. I CAN’T EVEN BEGIN. I CAN’T GET INTO THIS. IT’S TOO MUCH FOR MY HEART. I HAVE TO LEAVE IT AT THAT.

- Gamora and Nebula being sisters!

- Harley! This wasn’t how I wanted to see him again, but Harley!

- A few seconds of light of my life Janet van Dyne!

- And Hank! Present day AND amazing 70s flashback hair with that beautiful classic Ant-Man helmet that would have been completely impractical function-wise but that I love and appreciate seeing!

- Scott and Cassie killed me. Anything Ant-Man related killed me. I have so many questions about what happened to people. What was Cassie’s living situation like? Are Maggie and Paxton okay? Luis? Kurt and Dave? I hope Ava did get snapped, actually, for her own sake considering she needed the particles to live and she wouldn’t have been getting them, and I don’t want Bill to be without her so hopefully they went together and can come back together.

- Carol. Just Carol.

- Rocket is always a delight.

- Again with the Budapest baiting! I want to know!

- Loved seeing the Ancient One! A breath of fresh air in a rollercoaster of breathlessness.

- The bit with Peter Quill on Morag made me smile so big. Loved the bonus shot of him singing along badly when we can’t hear the song. I needed that bit of happiness. Plus, GotG is one of the only ones I never ended up seeing when it was still in theaters, so it was great to be able to experience at least that part on the big screen.

- Man, going back to 2012 made me miss those days so hard.

- Appreciated the Winter Soldier references and appearances.

- Steve knowing he could disarm himself just by mentioning Bucky, my heart!

- Edwin Jarvis, my love! I can’t believe they incorporated one of the shows into one of the movies!

- Tony with Howard was so emotional. I know a lot of people hate Howard, and I get why, but I’ve always enjoyed seeing him, and I’m grateful that Tony has been able to really get closure in regards to his relationship with his father. It doesn’t change the negligence, but it’s important that Tony be able to be in a good place, I’m happy he’s healing. He made my heart turn mush during that sequence.

- WHEN STEVE WAS STANDING ON HIS OWN AGAINST THANOS AND HIS ENTIRE ARMY. POWERFUL.

- AND SUDDENLY YOU HEAR SAM’S VOICE AND “ON YOUR LEFT” AND YOU CRY.

- AND SUDDENLY YOU SEE A PORTAL OPENING AND YOU SCREAM BECAUSE LIGHT OF YOUR LIFE STEPHEN VINCENT STRANGE IS ALIVE.

- AND SUDDENLY YOUR WAKANDAN BABIES ARE BACK AND YOUR CHEST SWELLS.

- AND SUDDENLY EVERYONE YOU’VE EVER LOVED IS ALL THERE AND IT’S A BEAUTIFUL POWERFUL ENSEMBLE AND EVERYTHING THAT YOU NEEDED.

- AND AVENGERS ASSEMBLE. FINALLY.

- AND PEPPER COMES IN THE RESCUE ARMOR THAT YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR SINCE 2013 AND SHE AND TONY ARE A BACK-TO-BACK POWER COUPLE.

- AND TONY AND PETER REUNITE AND ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD.

- AND STEPHEN IS MOSES AND IT’S AMAZING.

- AND WANDA IS READY TO FLIPPING OBLITERATE THANOS AND START UNLEASHING SOME CHAOS MAGIC AND YOU’VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE.

- AND CAROL IS WRECKING THANOS’S SHIPS AND YOU’RE LAUGHING WITH GLEE.

- AND ALL OF THE WOMEN GATHER PROTECTIVELY AROUND PETER AND YOU’VE NEVER RELATED TO ANY OF THEM MORE AND YOU DON’T EVEN CARE THAT IT’S CONTRIVED THAT IT’S CONVENIENTLY ALL OF THE WOMEN BECAUSE THIS IS WAY TOO AWESOME OF A SHOT TO NITPICK.

- AND SCOTT AND HOPE ARE ADORABLE AND PERFECT.

- AND GAMORA DOESN’T KNOW PETER AND YOU CRY.

- AND STEVE IS WIELDING MJOLNIR AND YOU’RE SCREAMING BECAUSE YOU KNEW IT, WORTHY WORTHY WORTHY WORTHY WORTHY!!!!!

- AND YOU KEEP SCREAMING THROUGH THE ENTIRE BATTLE BECAUSE IT’S INCREDIBLE!!!

- I’M STILL LIVING ON THAT HIGH IN CASE YOU COULDN’T TELL!!!

- !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- And then just. Stephen lifts a finger. And you know.

- “I. Am. Iron Man.”

- Honestly thought he was going to say ‘invincible’ as a shout-out to his comic adjective but the full circle is way better and I’m a wreck. All hail Anthony Edward Stark.

- Watching Thanos turn to dust is very, very satisfying.

- For all of the years they teased Bucky!Cap, you’d think I’d be a bit put out that we’re not getting it, but honestly? Sam!Cap is a better fit, I think. Bucky needs rest, he deserves to not have to fight anymore. Sam has the skills and personality of a good leader, setting a moral example you want to follow, he embodies what it means and what it takes to be Captain America. He’s gonna be awesome at it.

- Peter and Ned reuniting at school! Babies!

- Happy’s general presence just made me weepy, I love him and we owe Jon Favreau everything.

- Erik Selvig on a screen! Why he was listed as deceased when there’s a (supposedly?) canon tie-in book that features him very much alive, I have no idea, but seeing him made me smile nonetheless.

- Seeing 2012 Thor again made me SO happy you have NO idea holy crap.

- Just seeing Loki again at all. Mimicking Steve, being snarky, waving goodbye to Hulk in the elevator. I’m happy to accept that little bit as canon, because it was actually good. It was what I needed to soothe my soul. I miss you, my beautiful sassmaster child. Come back to me.

- And Loki in the cell. That was always one of my favorite shots anyway, but just... such a breath of air. To see Loki on the big screen again, and not just that, but to specifically get a Dark World clip? I feel alive.

- The fact that Dark World is even being acknowledged as having existed is greatly pleasing to me, let alone being treated to seeing some of it again. Those were the freaking days, man.

- SEEING ASGARD AGAIN MADE ME SOB. MY TEARS WERE NOT PRETTY, BUT ASGARD SURE WAS. I MISS YOU, ASGARD.

- JANE FREAKING FOSTER. MY GIRL. I HOPED SHE’D SHOW BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO EXPECT ANYTHING BUT OH MY WORD DID I CRY. I CRIED SO HARD. I FINALLY GOT TO SEE HER AGAIN AFTER SO LONG. IT’S BEEN SO FLIPPING LONG BUT MY GIRL IS FINALLY REMEMBERED. HER DELETED SCENE WAKING UP IN THE ROOM ACTUALLY GOT USAGE YEARS LATER. AND JUST. NEW JANE. NEW JANE MATERIAL. ALL SHE DID WAS ASK FOR PANTS BUT I’LL TAKE IT. EVERY SECOND WAS A TREASURE. I MISSED YOU JANE I MISSED YOU SO MUCH. COME BACK TO ME. WRITERS PLEASE BRING HER BACK. I NEED TO SEE HER GET TO USE HER SMARTS AGAIN. I MISS MY GENIUS BABY GIRL.

- FRIGGA. WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL APPLE OF MY EYE ALLMOTHER FRIGGA. I CANNOT EXPRESS HOW GOOD IT WAS TO SEE HER. AFTER ALL THIS TIME, IN ALL HER AMAZING FRIGGA GLORY. MY QUEEN. I MISSED HER SO FLIPPING MUCH. I CANNOT BELIEVE I HAVE NEW FRIGGA CONTENT. SHE WAS SO PERFECTLY HERSELF. I CHERISHED EVERY MOMENT. TALKING ABOUT SENDING LOKI SOME SOUP AND SOME BOOKS BECAUSE OF COURSE SHE WOULD. SEEING RIGHT THROUGH FUTURE THOR BECAUSE OF COURSE SHE WOULD. I’M SO GLAD SHE WAS SHOWN TO BE IMPORTANT TO THOR BECAUSE THEY WERE ALWAYS THE LEAST DEVELOPED DYNAMIC OF THE FAMILY AND ALL OF THEIR SCENES ARE CUT. SHE WAS RAISED BY WITCHES AND NOW I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THAT. ALWAYS SO GENTLE AND CARING TOWARDS HER SONS. ALWAYS SO PERCEPTIVE. HER BEAUTIFUL AMAZING FRIGGA SMILE. WAVING AT ROCKET. THE WAY SHE TALKS. THE WAY SHE SAVED THE SCENE AND MY SANITY. IT WAS PERFECT. SHE’S PERFECT. I NEED HER BACK ALREADY. SHE CAN NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN. SHE MADE THIS TORTURE BEARABLE AND I MISS HER AGAIN ALREADY.

- ALL THE THINGS RELATED TO GETTING MY OLD THOR WORLD BACK ARE VERY OBVIOUSLY MY FAVORITE PARTS THAT MADE ME HAPPIER THAN I COULD POSSIBLY BEGIN TO DESCRIBE AND I AM GOING TO BE LIVING OFF OF THIS VICTORY FOREVER.

Conclusion

The things I don’t like aren’t canon and everyone is totally fine and nothing is wrong at all. I’m taking the good stuff and running away with it and doing whatever I want with it to turn it all into the best possible version in my head. The end.

#i think i covered most of it but if i remember something i may add later #marvel #avengers 4 #endgame #a4 post #review #spoilers #marvel spoilers #avengers 4 spoilers #endgame spoilers #endgame critical #ragnarok critical #marvel critical #thor critical

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iamanartichoke · 6 years

Note

I don’t know if ur still taking prompts but I saw this prompt once that was like “ur ship is in a situation where one kisses the other & the other is just shocked bc it’s not the situation that would happen in & they don’t expect it from them” like using it as a distraction or something?? Okay honestly it didn’t say that it explained it much better but if u .. kind of understand .. can u do it with valki? Or something similar

So this prompt inspired some Loki and Thor feels, which came out, in order to let Valkyrie pick up the pieces (kind of) so … I hope it’s in line with what you had in mind! Also, this is not particularly flattering to Thor, so I apologize, but I still love him, truly. Some of my prompts have been set in the Sanctuary ‘verse, but this is very much not, just as a disclaimer. Anyway, I hope you like it and thank you for the prompt and your patience!

Word Count: 2126

Loki’s biggest mistake, he would reflect later, was believing that Thor was at all capable of treating Loki as an equal.

It should not have been a surprise. Even after Loki had fallen, Thor had not seemed to understand - had not seemed to care - what drove Loki’s actions. Thor, who called Loki’s grievances imagined slights, who turned to throw blame at Loki’s feet quick as lightning when things went wrong, who had not hesitated to leave Loki writhing in immobilized pain on Sakaar.

You’ll always be the God of Mischief, Thor had said. Loki heard the truth behind the words - you’ll always be lesser, Thor might as well have said. You’ll always be a weaselly trickster up to no good. Returning to Asgard with the ship to save them all meant nothing, in the end. Loki thought he could die trying to prove himself to Thor, and Thor would only look at his corpse and scoff that his death could have been more glorious, had be bothered to try harder.

Three days after they’d set course for Earth, Thor gathered his tiny council - Heimdall, the Valkyrie, Banner, Korg, and Loki - to discuss preparations and logistics for their journey. While Loki appreciated that Thor included him on the council, he could not help but bring up the fact that Earth might not be the best destination for the Asgardian refugees.

“Surely we might be better received on Vanaheim, perhaps,” he suggested, “or Alfheim. Somewhere we’ve already got an alliance.”

“Earth has an alliance with Asgard,” Thor countered, “and it is where we have friends. It’s like a second home to me.”

“To you, yes,” Loki said, “but not to the rest of your people. Earth is a chaotic world, brother. Its governments are often in opposition to one another. Wars between the humans are on-going and violent. They are fickle creatures.”

“You think too little of them,” Thor said, clasping his fingers together. The others had grown quiet, watching Thor and Loki volley back and forth like it was a sporting match. Out of the corner of his eye, Loki noticed the Valkyrie bring a flask to her lips. “I have lived among them, brother; I know how they operate.”

“You know how your Avengers operate,” Loki refuted, keeping his voice even, though irritation was beginning to prick at his nerves. “Not humans.”

Thor tilted his head slightly, and the corners of his lips tilted in what Loki was beginning to recognize as Thor’s new smile. It was not borne of amusement or good-nature; it didn’t reach his eyes. (Eye, rather.) It was a smile that revealed an impatience Loki had never realized Thor possessed; it was a smile that said Thor believed he was right and that to try to convince him otherwise was to waste his time.

With a pang, Loki realized that it reminded him of the way Thor’s arrogance had taken hold before his first coronation.

“Do you mean to say that the Avengers are not humans?” Thor asked, with a lifted brow.

“I mean to say that they are not representative of Midgard as a whole,” Loki returned evenly. “Have you even considered the humans’ innate hostility toward a superior race? How much trouble it can cause?”

“You still think us above them.” Thor’s voice was flat.

“Of course I do,” Loki snapped. “We are above them. That is simple fact.”

“What’s simple fact,” Thor replied, his remaining eye darkening, “is that you are willing to put the remainder of Asgard in peril so that you can hide from the consequences of your crimes on Midgard. Don’t pretend that’s not what this is.”

Loki blinked. The words were cruel, even for this new Thor, and Loki’s guard was lowered enough that they hit him like a sucker punch to the gut. “Is that truly what you think?”

“I think that you always act in your own best interests, Loki,” Thor replied, “everyone else be damned.”

Loki’s anger sprung up so violently that it was a visceral shock to his system. He felt heat rush to his cheeks as he glanced around the table. Everyone was making great pains to avoid his gaze. When Loki looked back at Thor, he saw something that might have resembled regret, as if Thor realized he’d gone too far, but he did not take back the words.

“Clearly,” Loki said tightly, as rage began to build up beneath the surface, pulsing in his veins, “my opinions are not welcome here, so I shall take my leave.”

“Loki -” Thor began, but Loki was already pushing away from the table.

“Do as you wish, your Majesty,” Loki said. He spun on his heel, fists clenching at his sides. His anger radiated palpably off of his skin and several of the electric lights in the room burst and shattered as he passed. He paid them no mind. He just kept moving like a walking statue - eyes straight ahead, shoulders rigid, features frozen into a mask of impassivity. Anyone who looked at him, however, would have seen the dangerous darkening of his green eyes and been wise to stay away.

Loki didn’t know where he was going. He just knew he had to put as much distance between himself and Thor as possible. He thought of going to his quarters, but he did not wish to be cooped up in the tiny, empty space. He thought about going to the Commodore and simply taking it, Thor and the rest of Asgard be damned. He’d fly far away from this wretched ship, seek out Xandar or someplace similar, where all he’d need was his wits and a bit of gold to start anew.

In the end, he went to the observatory deck, where just a few days ago Thor had been crowned king and Loki had felt balanced and centered, for the first time in years. They’d all been riding the high of a battle hard won, he supposed, and the reality of Asgard’s destruction had not truly set in. What a fool Loki was, to believe anything had truly changed.

He stood at the window for a long time, long enough for his anger to simmer and cool, receding back under the surface. He wished that he could lose himself out among the stars - that he could simply be swallowed up by the glittering darkness and disappear into the void. It was such a tempting thought, until one remembered what terrors lurked in the folds and shadows of the void, unseen. Loki shuddered.

Soon, he heard footsteps approaching. He listened to the shuffle of the person’s walk, light and a bit uneven, before he determined it was the Valkyrie. “Are you lost?” he asked, without turning around.

“No.” The Valkyrie continued her approach until she was standing beside him. She folded her arms across her chest and gazed out the window, not looking back when Loki glanced at her. “Just seemed like a nice view.”

“View’s the same at any window,” Loki told her, clasping his hands behind his back. “I’m not sure why you chose this one.”

“Perhaps I wanted the company at this particular window,” the Valkyrie replied, lifting her shoulders. “Do you mind?”

“Yes,” Loki said honestly. “I do mind. I’d rather be alone.”

“Hmm.” Valkyrie did look at him then, something measuring in her gaze. “I think you’re right, you know.”

“About being alone?”

“No. About Earth.” Valkyrie reached into her pocket for her flask and offered it to him. Loki accepted it and brought it to his lips. He took a long swallow, his eyes never leaving her face.

“You could have said so,” he replied when he lowered the flask, handing it back to her. “In the meeting.”

“I could have,” she agreed, “but I don’t think it would have done much good. You and Thor are both so stubborn - when you get going, there’s nothing anyone can say.”

Loki scoffed and looked back out the window. They were allies in battle, perhaps, but being in their presence for a few days did not mean she knew either Loki or Thor. Not truly, not enough. Behind his back, he pressed his thumbnail into his palm, relishing the sting. “You must know,” he said, “that Thor is always right. Even more so now that he is king.”

Valkyrie said nothing. Not that Loki expected her to. He sighed, unclasping his hands so that he could examine his fingers. “Thor’s changed,” he went on, more quietly. “He’s always been arrogant, but I thought he’d outgrown it. Circumstances necessitated he outgrow it. Now … now he seems to be regressing into the hothead he’d always proven to be in our youth.”

“Maybe not,” Valkyrie countered. She tipped her head back, downing the rest of her flask. “He’ll seek you out,” she added, tucking the flask back into whatever pocket it came from. “After you stormed out, he was regretful. Said he didn’t mean to upset you and he’d grown too defensive. It’s just a quarrel, Loki. All siblings have them.” Valkyrie smiled a little. “You’ll kiss and make up, sooner or later. Thor does value you, even if you can’t see it.”

Loki felt a lurch in his chest. “Why do you care?” he asked, lifting his eyebrows at her. “I don’t even know you. Nor do you know me.”

“Call it turning over a new leaf,” she replied dryly.

They were quiet for a few moments, and then, as if on cue, Loki heard Thor’s heavy footsteps drawing near. He closed his eyes, wanting to neither argue with Thor nor work it out. Not yet. Either option seemed exhausting.

Perhaps, Valkyrie could tell. “You wanna talk to him?” she asked in a low voice, leaning in.

“Not really.”

“Loki!” called Thor, and Loki started to turn, but then the next thing he was aware of was Valkyrie’s lips against his.

He let out a sound that might have been a yelp, had she not swallowed it down. Her fingers went to his hair, gripping the strands and, even though everything rational in him screamed at him to pull away, Loki felt himself respond. She pressed against his lips, seeking entry; he granted it and her mouth felt molten against his tongue. Loki felt dizzy and somewhat faint, his heart thudding in his ears.

“Wow, um, okay,” Thor said, sounding very far away, and only then did Valkyrie pull back. For a long moment, she and Loki stared at one another. Loki noticed her cheeks were flushed and her eyes seemed much brighter than they had a moment ago.

Then Valkyrie turned her head enough to look at Thor, without letting go of Loki. “If you don’t mind, your Majesty,” she said, cocking an eyebrow, “we were hoping for some privacy.”

“Oh, um, right.” Thor looked nothing short of bewildered as he looked from Loki to Valkyrie and back again. “Loki, I just thought we could talk, but - uh, I guess … I mean, I can find you later. If you want.”

Loki managed to nod.

“Right. Okay.” Thor took a couple of backward steps and then shook his head. “I’ll just … see you two later, then,” he added, and then all Loki was aware of was the quickening of his steps as he all but fled the deck. When he was gone, Valkyrie finally let go and stepped back.

“What in the Norns was that?” Loki finally asked, backing up as if he expected her to fling herself at him again.

“Distraction,” Valkyrie said simply, and then laughed. “My God, you should have seen your face. It was hilarious.”

Loki was still having trouble finding his words. He could not remember the last time he’d been kissed. It had not been a priority in a very long time. “Distraction?”

“Yeah. Not only did I put off your inevitable talk with Thor,” she said, “but now, you’ll have something to talk about besides how much you two hate each other. Or love each other. Whichever.”

“I hope you’re not expecting me to thank you.” Loki’s tone was laced with a dryness that he did not quite feel. His heart was still beating too quickly for his liking.

“You kissed me back,” Valkyrie said with a shrug. “That’s thanks enough, if you ask me.”

“I -”

Valkyrie grinned and tossed her ponytail. “You’re welcome,” she said, and then she was sauntering off before Loki could respond. He watched her go, suddenly aware of her in a way he had not been before. He watched the swing of her ponytail, the shift of her walk, and then he brought his fingers lightly to his lips, and he smiled.

#tumblr prompts #charlotte writes #loki fic #valki #valki fic #thor and loki fic #brodinsons #angst #post thor ragnarok fic #a nonny mouse

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akualapaau · 5 years

Text

.: stolen from @yolodari because I need to flesh out this verse anyway :.

TEN LAYER CAKE

LAYER ONE : THE OUTSIDE

Name: "Leilani Kapula Mahea Nahoa Kanunu Kekauoha, at your service! ... Or, Lani, for short.”

Eye Color: “Hazel. I have my mother’s body and my father’s eyes. At least, that’s what I’ve been told. I remember her looking different but her and Papa told me I have her pre-me body.”

Hair Style/Color: “It’s just plain brown. In full sunlight, lighter bronze streaks show up. I wear it long because I like it. There’s no reason for me to have it long because I always have it tied up or otherwise restrained out of my work.”

Height: “I’m a little wee, even by human standards. I was huge in Ironforge, though.”

Clothing Style: “A long coat with lots of pockets or a bag is essential. Other than that, I’m used to wearing just about nothing. It’s one of the things I enjoy the most about around the great Illidari. Everyone else is just this side of naked so I don’t feel out of place wearing island gear. And most of them are covered in more scars than me so I’m kind of less self conscious about not being exposed. I definitely cover up if I’m going outside.”

LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE

Your Fears: “Spiders. And being useless in a time of crisis.”

Your Guilty Pleasure: “Children’s stories. Fairy tales. I’ve noticed some cultures are a little more bloodthirsty than others with the things they tell their children but overall, little bedtime stories make me think of a less stressful time of life.”

Your Biggest Pet Peeve: “People not putting things back exactly where they found them. There is order to my chaos!”

Your Ambition for the Future: “Travel the world, learn everything there is to know about every race as far as medical and healing goes, maybe get some surf and sand in when I can...”

LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS

Your First Thoughts Waking Up: “It’s usually along the lines of, ‘Okay, up on the count of three. One... two... HEAVE!’ and I have to go over it several times before I’m actually able to get up and move.”

What You Think About the Most: “How to phrase things without coming across as a mad scientist, like asking if I can have the corpse of the next dead out of any race so I can tear them apart and see how they work. I haven’t yet come up with a way that doesn’t immediately make people wary of me. I already work so hard to earn their trust so they’ll let me around even races that don’t usually tolerate my own, the last thing I want to do is have them hate me because I have a need to know.”

What You Think About Before Bed: “I think about going to bed, and then realize how much stuff I have to do, and then just don’t go to bed. If I go to sleep it’s normally not in a bed but on a desk or in a chair or even slumped over on an exam table.”

Your Best Quality Is: “I am obnoxiously insistent on helping. And although I really hate having to figure something out, I’m really good at it.”

LAYER FOUR: WHAT’S BETTER?

Single or Group Dates: “I... I don’t. Mostly because I don’t have time or anyone interested, but also because the last time I dated it didn’t end well and I’m still not real over it yet. He was not a good guy but I was lonely. The last time I saw him was when my neighbor, Lahoko, was dragging him out of my house by his neck, and Lahoko’s wife stayed with me for a few days. I don’t know what happened after that. Nobody on the island saw my ex again, but Lahoko returned with a severed tusk. It was neat because I got to figure out how to reattach it. He was very patient and sat still while I worked and moved only once to tell me in no uncertain terms ‘No more boys for you’ so...”

To be Loved or Respected: “You can hate me all you want but you will respect me or there will be issues.”

Beauty or Brains: “Brains. All day, every day.”

Dogs or Cats: “I’m actually a cat person! I prefer them, I’m more like them than a dog... but I have a dog. Granted, he was a gift and he’s very useful and I would be out to tide with no paddle without him but I would not have made the conscious choice to have a dog on my own.”

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?

Lie: “I... bend the truth to my advantage, and especially to the advantage of my patients, especially especially to parents. Will this otherwise perfectly healthy and robust orc child die from a small handful of poisonous berries? Most likely not. Will I tell his father that he might, if it means making sure the child will be properly treated instead of just left to suffer? You bet your ass I will.”

Believe in Yourself: “No, but I believe in what I know and I believe in my limitations.”

Believe in Love: “I believe in different kinds of love. I believe in the love I have for my island and all those on it. I believe in the love they have for me.I believe in the love of my friends and the family I made with the other misfits in the world, but as far as romantic love goes, I’m not sure there’s any for me. If it happens, it happens. I won’t chase it. I have too much else on my plate. Let it come to me.”

Want Someone: “It would be nice. I’m in no hurry. Let me cure the world and then I’ll worry about it.”

LAYER SIX: EVER?

Been on Stage: "As a speaker and a lecturer for some things I discovered but not as a dancer, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Done Drugs: “... I’m in pain a lot. I have to do something for it.”

Changed Who You Were to Fit In: "I reign myself in but I don’t change it. I know I can be a little much to handle so I try my best to keep that under control but that ‘little much’ becomes ‘just enough to get us out of this’ sometimes.”

LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES

Favorite Color: “Orange, pink, white, blue, yellow, red... all the colors of the sunsets I grew up under.”

Favorite Animal: “The owls in the Night Elven cities I’ve been to have all been beautiful and weirdly affectionate. I love it!”

Favorite Food: “Poi. It never fails to cheer me up. Finding the right stuff to make it is next to impossible, though.”

Favorite Game: “I am NOT good at darts but it is fun!”

LAYER EIGHT: AGE

Day Your Next Birthday Will Be: “November twenty third.”

How Old Will You Be: “Thirty three.”

Age You Lost Your Virginity: “We were both sixteen.”

Does Age Matter: “To a point. For the longer living races, being five or six hundred years older than me doesn’t really matter, as long as it translates over to about the same age range. Shorter living races, I cap it at seven years difference.”

LAYER NINE: IN A BOY OR GIRL

Best Personality: “Oh, wow, just someone who puts up with me and won’t try to force me to be something I don’t want to be.”

Best Eye Color: “It doesn’t matter. I don’t look at them much anyway.”

Best Hair Color: “Just so that it’s long, I don’t care. I like to braid stuff. It calms me down.”

Best thing to do with a Partner: “Make it through a shift alive. ... oh, you mean a romantic one? Uh... let’s come back to that one.”

LAYER TEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE

I love: “My job! I hate that it has to exist but I do love it.”

I feel: “Honestly, I’m in pain right now. I let Ruslan to go run around and investigate this new place so that if I need to rely on him, he won’t be distracted sniffing around at something he just discovered. It means I’ve had to be fully on my own for moving around on hard metal flooring. It’s not fun. I need to get better shoes for this place, I think. I wonder if there’s a bath to soak in?”

I hide: “A lot of things but mostly how much I want to stick my hands in the nearest injury.”

I miss: “Home. My grandfather. My parents.”

I wish: “People could trust each other even a little. Seriously! I’m a medic! I’m here to learn and help, not to cause harm!”

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fugandhi · 6 years

Video

youtube

My Favorite Drum Corps Show

If you have not heard of what Drum & Bugle Corps is - Do yourself a favor and start looking it up now.

It’s NOT the same as the live experience (WAY too much POWER in a drum corps for any device to capture - Take my word for it).

So, I marched drum corps years ago (due to my love for music, then band, then marching band, and then the rest is history) and it was one of the most difficult and yet most gratifying experiences of my life (aside from adulthood LOL!!!) and I encourage anyone who is reading this and is thinking of either becoming a musician or having their child or a friend or anyone they know who is really into music - Tell them about Drum Corps (pronounced “Core” not “Corpse”).

Drum & Bugle Corps basically took what my high school marching band program had already established and it took it a LEAP forward. I mean, we toured the U.S., PAID a ton of money to do it (Thank you, Mom & Dad), and we had to work ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL THE TIME!

Weird tan-lines galore, there’s a WHOLE subculture out there - almost a friggin’ CULT (I swear man) of really, really AWESOME and CRAZY kids out there (and even more insane instructors and tech��s who are all trying to get their careers as Educators or what-have-you all started up to share the gift of music & the marching arts - YES it’s an art-form, ABSOLUTELY - 100%).

If I were to belong to any cult - It would be Drum Corps (LMFAO!).

Origins of a ton of these corps dates back decades, and I’m talking some of them started from the Military Bugle Corps from wars - and others starts from Churches, Scout Troops (Boys Troops and Girls Troops to maintain the Scout Standard), Police Departments, etc.

I first came across drum corps because I happened to be flippin’ through channels, and I was like a freshman and I had JUST finished my first year in marching band (proudly/we did a rendition of Crossmen’s 1992 show, “Songs For Planet Earth” - AMAZING show and I had the honor to be in that show - still makes me cry every time I hear the closer because that show required SO MUCH HEART) - and there it was - Santa Clara Vanguard’s 1999 show.

I ran to grab a video tape, and I came back just in time to record Blue Devils’ show “Rhythms... At The Edge of Time” which I watched over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again - I’m talkin’ like I could not believe there were people who were literally doing what I thought was IMPOSSIBLE.

With the most insane irony (or maybe it was fate) - I ended up being taught by Gino Cipriani, Wayne Downey, and like Jeff Sacktig, and like it was a variety staff like a real motley crew ya know? It was a DREAM TEAM staff - and my dreams came true - and I will never forget how much it meant to me to be able to march with friends from my high school (some who had already graduated before I could march with them at high school) and have my band director there the whole time and like - it was just such a dream come true. We ended up breaking the mold of the class divisions (Magic of Orlando Drum and Bugle Corps - Division II World Champions with record breaking score of 99.05 - which the Cavies happened to break 99 AFTER us LOL like we had A DAY where we made history and had the highest score in Drum Corps International HISTORY!) and the funny thing is - I remember at the beginning of the season we literally were trying to get everybody and their brother (and sister lol) to JOIN because we had like NOBODY lol!

Well, we had a good size corps, but there were patches missing in some sections ya know? I mean, there was literally a camp when we had 9 Trumpets and Gino was like “Yeah... We’re gonna have to do something about this” because this guy came from like The Cadets who had been DCI Div 1 champs like a ton, and prior to that he friggin’ was the brass caption for BD - I’m like - Dude, yeah, the staff and Kim & Rod were the necessary Leadership required to make Magic happen in 2002 (after not being on-field for like 2 whole consecutive years).

Either way, when I marched, I was not able to afford any more seasons, so Magic 2002 was and still is one of the biggest blessings in my life (aside from my family of course) and like if it was not for my really crazy summer that year - I wouldn’t have the mindset that the impossible CAN be Possible. Good things can happen to people if they put their hearts and minds to it...

...So...We were truly the “Cinderella Corps” of that year, and yeah I know we dropped from 10th to 11th for Finals but honestly - that accident with the Tenor Drummer who had his drums fall on his face when he fell on his back during finals - that literally NEVER happened all year. We were undefeated all season, no one expected us to make finals - even on our brass bus like we were talking about how some of the staff was even makin’ a pool of whether or not we made finals - whether that was true or not, it was a necessary motivator to push us and you know what? We did it. And the rest, as they say, is history. I left drum corps and the marching activity years ago - I tried a DCA corps and ended up getting burned badly from them - so bad that I just turned my back and walked away from drum corps and decided to never look back.

...Until I saw Carolina Crown’s 2013 show. I was inspired again. I had never heard a BRASSLINE that was SO AMAZING. Literally, BECAUSE OF THIS SHOW - my faith in drum corps had been restored. I only wish I could have seen this corps live - it must have been an absolute DREAM to be in this corps and in this show.

Carolina Crown was always a corp I paid attention to, although I always admired other corps more (BD 96-99 OH and PHANTOM & MADISON 1996!, need I say more?) - anyway, I actually used to live in South Carolina (a piece of my heart is still in South Carolina to this day - very, very fond memories of my childhood there/one of the places I was stationed). So, needless to say, I was always keeping my eye on Crown, and I have friends who marched Crown - but, I knew there was a very powerful change when I saw them in 2008 in Atlanta - the first time I ever saw a corps that pleased me as a drum corps nut more than BD - of course Phantom was AMAZING (”I AM SPARTACUS!”) - but I remember a bud of mine David was marching Tuba in Crown and I always gave props like DUDE Crown’s brassline - HOLY SHIT (LOL!)

I could go ON and ON about that BRASSLINE. They are SO beyond amazing - especially this year, 2013! THEIR BRASS LINE LITERALLY GOT A PERFECT SCORE AND THEY REMAIN THE BEST BRASS SECTION IN DCI HISTORY - uh yeah - THAT’s saying something considering how much detail-oriented work goes into these shows just on an individual level, let alone a massive level of epic proportions with the size of the corps these days. .....Every Time I hear this brass section, I just start to melt - I’m like.. “I want to go to there” lol!...I am TELLING you.. This show inspires me every time I watch it - I literally have PHYSICAL REACTIONS to this SHOW! ...Like - I swear...that brass line performance.... I’ve had orgasms (LMFAO!!!) ...ANYYYY WAYYYYY hhahaha I highly recommend watching the entire FINALS show on Youtube (ya got like 10 minutes? lol “LET ‘ER RIP!”) and seriously - even though I’m not too huge on the narration in drum corps these days and the over-saturation of certain effects - I gotta say - this is one of those drum corps...it’s just like... poetry.

...You know how certain things just like, transcend their normality? Does that make sense? Like... In my humble and personal opinion - Drum Corps exists so that this show could have been made. This is one of many, many, many fine shows, but for me personally - this show is ELECTRIC (and like really profound). Even if you’re a die-hard drum corps dude like me (WHADDUP PEEPS?!), go ahead and like check out the friggin’ announcements and the crowd reaction from when Crown WON Finals Night! It is absolutely breath-taking because for any drum corps kids, we all dream of being Champions. We all strive for Perfection, and we always catch Excellence in the process.

It always makes me get like super emotional when I think about Crown winning, and it’s just so nice to know that the underdog can win, too. And, just knowing that those kids put their whole heart and faith into their work and their teamwork (a truly remarkable group) and they walked away Champions is absolutely wonderful. And the icing on the cake was how the corps was represented in receiving the Trophy, by their Drum Major, Linda Harvey - she was just so classy, and down-to-earth, and had such poise, and exemplified how honorable a Champion can be when it’s their turn to be number 1.

God bless Carolina Crown, God Bless everybody who has ever volunteered, watched a drum corps show, supported by investing in the youth programs for kids like me who believe in music and the power of inspiration and giving an audience something worth enjoying. Without drum corps, I would not have been able to believe in myself as a Musician today.

- ATOMIK 1

P.S. It has always been a dream of mine to one day own my own Drum Corps. I was always like, how would I do it if I ever had the opportunity to have my own corps - and I decided - I would totally have it be like Star of Indiana - you know, I’ll be like an older dude who’s got the bread and then I’ll just make sure it’s a well-oiled machine - and then have the quality of Star, but be designed like Velvet Knights (LOL!!!! YES!!!!) ESPECIALLY because they were the most FUN drum corps on the field and literally went the zany and quirky route instead of the super serious and militant way (and dorks like me rejoiced hahaha). ...chuck taylors and all LOL.

#DrumAndBugleCorps #DrumCorps #DrumCorpsInternational #Music #MarchingMusic #MusicInMotion #Brass #Percussion #Colorguard #Amplification?LOL #DCI #DCA #RESET!#ALRIGHTLETSDOITAGAIN!#LASTRUN...#...RESET!ONEMORETIME!#WATERBREAK!#GUSHANDGO!#TheseAreTheDaysMyFriends...

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amakira · 5 years

Text

05.27.18

You shitty mess,

Finding a peace that comes from a blade, wild nights that feel like you’re floating on clouds. So light weight, and the lovely gulps of something to ease you just for a little while. Anxiety. Severe Depression. Your lovely friends. The ones there through it all. The only friends that never left your side. The ones who love to hear your cries for help. The ones you vent too.

Don’t you just love the outside world? All the adventures. Sand. Wild life. Everything? What a shame to have to sit inside and debate if you’ll be able to make it a few minutes out there. There’s a lot of people surrounding you. Them tight spots makes it so much better. Being crowded. Don’t you think? I love to hear your heart beat so fast. Sounds like it’s going to explode.

How’s beating yourself up everyday? Why would you even consider to keep trying? Have I not given you enough reasoning? That’s ok. I can make it worse for you. How’s that breathing coming along now? Hurts doesn’t it? Gasping for the little bit of life you don’t deserve. Stop wasting your time.

I heard you have dreams. Goals. A nice house in the middle of no where. An island correct? Far away from these lovely humans. Exercising? Are you kidding me? How pathetic are you. Have you looked in the mirror? You’re not fit for such things madam. That will never go away dear. I won’t allow it. That involves people seeing you. I don’t think you want to hurt their eyes, do you? You’ll be the reason they die of starvation. The reason they better themselves. You’re pathetic. Do you honestly believe that will change you? You’ll still be the same piece of shit walking corpse you are now. You can’t change that.

You want to find yourself? Well what a shame. Try looking 6 feet under the earth. That’s where your answers are. Waiting eagerly for you to read.

Oh sorry, give me a second. It’s time to squeeze your heart and lungs now. I will be right back..

Sorry about that but you just don’t listen do you. I even made it race so fast I don’t see how it didn’t just go “pop”

What’s stopping you? I am in your head after all. And I say nothing. Why didn’t you press down a little harder? If you did, you wouldn’t have gotten yelled at you know. I feel how weak you are. That little strand just holding on for dear life. Why don’t you help me cut it darling? I just don’t have the hands to do it on my own. So you know, just lend me yours.

You know. No one cares. You’re blocking their path to success. You’re a burden. An annoying piece of shit. Why must you try to bring others down with you? They don’t deserve that. Build your feelings up. The cup still has some shards of glass in tact some how. Let’s shatter it for good. Shall we?

You’re a total disgrace. You don’t deserve happiness. You don’t deserve to be walking among these precious human beings. No one wants to be seen with you In public.

Doesn’t the loneliness feel nice? Tearing you apart piece by piece. No matter how many people you’re around you’re always alone. And guess what dear. No one cares that you are.

Tell me. Why? Why do you stay. I still want to know. You never gave me a reasoning. You’re better off gone. Out of the way.

Shall I call upon more demons to torment you? They all want to play. So the more the merrier right? You don’t handle the cards so well. So let’s paint these rooms with crimson.

Depression. Anxiety. You come and you don’t go. Some days you’re bearable. And some days I don’t know how I’m still holding on. You make me scared of people. Scared of myself. So empty. My shattered heart aches. All this pain you give me. I just wish I could shake you off. Most days I just want to die. I feel entirely useless. I feel like the biggest failure around. To feel so dead, yet I’m living. A walking corpse. I could just close my eyes and never wake again. I miss your touch. Carving memories upon my flesh. Every memory as a failure, seeing as how I am still here. Having such an empty mind yet it races with demon whispers. I don’t feel like I am worthy of anything this life has to offer. I’m not worthy of friends. Love. Parenting. How do you even parent when you’re a complete mess. Trying to not give your kids the life you had but I feel my vibe washes off to them too. I can see why they’d hate me so much. Being such a disaster to them. Am I doing all that I can to provide and comfort them? More than likely not. These demons want what Evers inside of me. So all I do is sit and stare blankly at a wall. Holding myself together another day. How do I feel so alone. It’s probably because no one really gives a damn? They just put up with me because they feel they have too. Everyone can say the opposite but it can’t change my mindset. It’s just how I feel. And nothing can change that.

You can’t even clean up a mess because I’ve been devouring the life out of you. What do you think your kids think of you? You don’t play with them as much as you should. Blame me. Because I just love taking your strains of life away from you. I love seeing you barley alive everyday. Your kids must really dislike.... no HATE you. You’re not a motherly figure. They want a playful mother. They want you to do things with them yet you sit there in silence and regret not doing so. I love stopping you. Every urge you get to change it,just know, I am stronger than you ever will be. They dislike you. They’re better off without you. Someone who gives 100% of their attention. She wanted to cuddle to go to sleep yet you said no. Because you’re avoiding sleep and you know once you lay down you’ll want to fall asleep. Yet instead i am playing in your mind. Insomnia is my friend. We play these cards well compared to you. What a Failure you are.

What’s holding you here? Tell me, so I can gladly rip it apart from you. Slowly. Oh how I love watching you suffer.

I made you scared of people, crowds, trust, yourself, and so much more darling. Everyone is starring at you. Laughing. Telling them amazing jokes. You’re ugly. Look how fat you are. Why are you here. They purposely run into you and bump you. They are trying to put you closer to that casket...

My bad. You don’t even deserve a casket. Just rot in the dirt. One day they’ll dig you up, put you back together, and then destroy you because of the horrifying scene of your bones. Even then you’re too much of an ugly disgrace to be looked upon. Dinosaurs are a better finding than some worthless human body don’t you think. I hope the day comes soon, so you can sit there on the planes of the in between. Stuck. Watching your body deteriorate. Cold. Dark. Breathless. Heartless. Oh... whoops. You have no heart. Unless you call that little micro piece glass your heart. How pathetic. How is it still beating?

Love. How is it you still have one? Your features, just you in general, who would love something like that? You know he deserves much better than you. You bring out the worst in everyone. You bring pain. Depression. Heart ache. Anxiety. You’re boring. You’re unloveable so what poison did you use? You deserve to be alone. With no one forever. You put them in a sad place just being around. They deserve happiness. Something you cannot physically and mentally provide. Unless he’s just using you. I can see that. I just can’t see you being loved. You’re not worthy of that strong suit. I’m sure all agree. So why not do him a favor and let him be so he can be happy. You’re not capable of doing such things. You deserve nothing dear. So stop holding on. What do you know about love anyways? Nothing I’d hope. Because you’re just giving yourself false hope. Which I can not allow you to have such a thing. You CAN NOT be loved. You deserve to rot alone. You cause anger. Hate. Nothing having to do with love.

Just give up on everything and drown with me. I want you to be alone. Sad. Angry. Depressed. Hurt. Hated. Which you basically are. Can’t you notice that no one is really there for you? You just get pushed down more and more. Isn’t that a sign to leave this place? I can help you end it all you know. Just let me in.

I am driving you crazy. I’m slowly killing you. But I rather speed up that process. You know I love giving you headaches. Punching yourself in the head is like a symphony to my ears. You should do it a lot more. Maybe it’ll knock some sense into you to just give up already you stubborn piece of shit.

#souls #illusional #thoughts #emptycanvas

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