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#hes always like. its only an issue if its like ruining ur life. and hes right and i definitely meet the standards of both of those things
opens-up-4-nobody · 10 months
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#ugh. the fucking struggle of a thing i will not talk about. its just an off shoot of one of my many#obessive compulsive tendencies. it just makes me think of my dad. like hes also a fucking anxious person but hes like. i have the thoughts#but then i dont let them control me so its not an issue. and he knos i get caught up on the structure and identification of problems so#hes always like. its only an issue if its like ruining ur life. and hes right and i definitely meet the standards of both of those things#bc im fucking thinking abt these things constantly. its in my head literally all the time. every second of the day#and i mean i guess this specific thing isnt ruining my life but it certainly isnt helpful and in combo with everything else my quality of#life is not what it could b. idk it just feels all empty which is y i became a fucking workaholic#bc i just get so fucking bored stuck in these stupid patterns that at least i can make myseld useful as i drive myself nuts#it also doesnt help that im still trying to unfuck my leg and not being very successful bc theres this fucking voice in my head like#keep moving. u cant sit down. walk around. dont stop. dont stop. dont stop. i can feel the muscles getting irritated again#its unbearable bc it doesn't really even hurt. i just kno im fucking it up for myself and i have all this excess energy that i cant get rid#of bc i cant run. anyway its just irritating#i probably triggered myself by watching the bear all day lol. its so good but it reminds me of working in a shitty banquet hall when my#brain was on fire. and theyve got that toxic workahoism that i so desperately cling to. and in a weird way i can relate tho their fucked#up mom when everyones just trying to help but shes so fixated on this thing that's clearly causing her distress but shes just screaming at#them. like i mean i have insight into my issues and i try not to let them affect anyone but me but its so hard when its like. i have to do#this thing. i have to do it. i kno its bad. i kno its fucked up but shut the fuck up and let me do this. u dont fucking understand#but i wouldn't say that bc i kno its irrational. ugh. i also have to go to a lab dinner tomorrow. maybe#no time has been listed so idk. its for my leaving so im technically the focus. hate that for me. whatever. itll b fine#at least the place is within walking distance and its like less than 3 weeks until i leave#unrelated
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barrenclan · 1 month
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obsessed with the.. floatyness ? of this issue ? i love how its disorienting and pinepaw cant keep track of time. how its not a concrete timeline and instead just... a collection of thoughts. youre always so good at that stuff.
i will always love how INEVITABLE of a tragedy patfw is. it was always going to be this way.. doomed by the narrative. pine and cormorants conflict doesnt stem from easily fixed miscommunication but instead allowed you to empathize and understand Both sides perfectly well. pinepaw has all the pieces.. they both do.. but that doesnt make it easier. theres no fixing this. they just have to wait. cormorant must feel absolutely devastated right now. from his perspective, hes tried so hard to learn to love and he cant even do That without hurting others... driving them away. as if he'll never be able to be normal.. theres just inherently something broken in him. if only he knew how loved he is.
poor pinepaw. poor everyone. youre absolutely incredible. one of my favorite storytellers. happy ur back.
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Thank you both so much!! PATFW is definitely inspired after classic tragedies, where the inevitability of conflict and doom could be so easy to avert and yet it simply couldn't be. Cormorantpaw definitely feels like a monster right now, like he's ruined the last good thing in his life, and that the one time he let himself open up he managed to mess it all up. Poor boy.
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fatuismooches · 5 months
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Pantalone’s love language is most definitely Gift Giving.. He loves spoiling you, getting you big and fluffy blankets and the softest sweaters. You wanna eat out? He’s taking you to the fanciest restaurant there is! He also loves when you give him things, even if they don’t have much monetary value he cherishes them!
Oh, but then you give him things you made yourself and he MELTS. He holds whatever you made for him, wether it be something small like a drawing or you made jewelry with your own two hands for him he just stares at it dumbfounded.
You made that? For him? He fucking loses it. Holds it close to his chest n gives you a little smile, he opens his eyes and you can just see pure appreciation and love behind them.
If it’s something he can wear like clothing or jewelry he will wear it on very special occasions and is very careful to not ruin it. If even so much as a scratch or stain appears on your gift he will be devastated. If it’s a little keepsake or trinket like pottery, wood carving, a painting or drawing, really anything he can’t wear, he’s gonna have it framed or put on a pedestal.
Imagine you try wood carving or pottery and ur like “its not very good :((“ And give it to Pantalone and he puts it on a shelf in his office or like a center piece somewhere. Like he doesn’t care if it has little monetary value, you made it and gave to him, so now he’s gonna treat it like its made of pure gold.
[📺{
UGH REALLLL I'M CRYING 😭❤️❤️🥺 Hehe Pantalone is the literal embodiment of gift giving, he adores both giving and receiving!! No one can outdo him!! He is always so attentive when it comes to giving gifts too, he always listens to you even when you think he isn't... he's always thinking about how to make your life more comfortable and happy... really you don't have to be shy about asking for stuff you (even though you probably always will be) he's more than happy to spoil you :)
He truly loves receiving gifts from you, especially when it's handmade. Because for him, that's like, one of the ultimate displays of love you could ever present to him. Since you are putting so many things into it for him - time, energy, skill, materials, etc - that just shows him how much you really love him. Because you really don't need to do all that for him, he's content with just you alone, but going out of your way to try and show your appreciation and love for him?? He's really whipped for that kind of stuff ;( The emotions Pantalone shows you when you shyly present him your gift, which you might be a bit embarrassed about since it's not the best, are only a fraction of what he feels. When you're not around he just sits and glides his fingers over the gift and smiles to himself a lot 😭 Ugh him taking care of your little gifts with the utmost attention... you're confused as to why he even likes it that much? It's nowhere as good as a professional, and surely he could afford someone to do it far better... but he literally does not care. You made that and to him it's priceless!! Ugh him being heartbroken over your gift being damaged and you're just like 'bby i'll make a new one for you dw' and he just. Loves you so much. You're willing to go through all this again for him?? Let him kiss you right now.
The only issue is that when you decide to gift him something, he feels that it's necessary to return the favor much harder... he just needs you to feel the extent of his appreciation.
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iloveslllycatss · 11 months
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## "𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐏𝐀𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘"
𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 ! 𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘣𝘺 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘯𝘦 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘴 ! 𝘍𝘖𝘙 𝘔𝘓 𝘏𝘈𝘉𝘐𝘉𝘛𝘐 𝘕𝘈𝘋𝘖𝘖𝘕 @sttarzxx 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬, the paraghraph text and response to it was copy and pasted from me and the dude this happened to me withs chat......... 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 ! 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵 2 𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧, 𝘋𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘐𝘕𝘚𝘐𝘋𝘌 (𝘫𝘬)
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"im gonna do it. im gonna text him."
you were on vc with your best friend. for context, you had a crush. a MASSIVE crush on a boy named robby. you had liked him for 2 years now, the only bad thing? you guys were barely friends. you guys had a class together, and he would always talk to you (hed call u weird when u declared you were spiderman.).. all until you left school for second semester. you hadnt seen robby in about 6 months, but you still liked him (attachment issues go hard). u guys used to text, too. itd mostly be u texting with double chats and him replying in a dry way... but u still liked him AHAHA, so 2 days ago.. you asked your friend for his number...
"hey"
you texted, and he replied right away
"hi"
after that, you guys had texted for 5 minutes, asking things like "hru" or "wyd" until he finally said
"who even are u?"
your eyes widened seeing this, and you were a pussy, so you said
"im f/n (fake name)"
you guys, for another day kept texting back and fourth.. the only thing is, you acted like u didnt have a clue who he was, what he liked, and what he did.
"i do karate, i think its cool to have balance in your life and karate gave me that."
..... you already knew that, but you couldnt help but act like u didnt.
it was like u two havent met eachother. but little did u know, he was observant as fuck.
"you know u remind me of someone, u text the same as her. her name is y/n"
he said, and ur eyes widened. u couldnt believe that he had memorized your texting style. but you were a pussy, so u denied it.
a couple days go by and u guys still text, you overthink everything he says and you were starting to think your friends were getting tired of you ranting ab it to them all the time. there was this one time where u two had been talking, and the convo? it wasnt good. at all.
"k"
he said, and you furrowed ur eyebrows...
"WYM K?? THATS LIKE THE DRIEST MESSAGE EVER"
....
"yeah ik"
...... what? you couldnt believe it. was he bored of u already? were u being too annoying? were u just a bother?
your heart sunk, and u felt ur knees go weak. not weak in a "i just folded" typa way, but in a "im gonna kms" typa way.
your thoughts kept flooding with things like "i just annoyed him" or "he doesnt want to talk to me anymore." and you wanted to cry.
you start to rant ab it to your friends, balling ur eyes out as u do, you were in ur head about it, letting it get to you. your hands trembled as u typed about it to your friends. you had always been insecure about your personality, not wanting ppl to see u as too much or crazy. so u finally replied to him.
"ok"
its been 15 since youve been on delivered (or read, he didnt have read recipts on)
u desperately wanted to talk to him so u sent anotyher message
"hihii"
when he replied, you got so happy u forgot about the fact that you were crying about him the night before. but the thing is, he would leave u on read the whole day, and it stressed u out.
everyone had been telling u to just tell him who u were, and to stop being a pussy. hell, even snap ai wasnt on your side. so u write a paragraph, wanting to send it to him
"hi robby, so ive been feeling kinda bad recently for this and i hope u forgive me and that this doesnt ruin our 'friendship' kinda thing going on, basically i lied ab like a couple things and i feel bad IFDJNEJN so uh im y/n (u guessed right kinda craz) and IK I LIED AB NOT KNOWING B/F/N BUT I FELT LIKE ITD BECOME AWKS and stuff, f/n is my online name since ion give my real name out (and its a nickname my freinds call me), im sorry for acting like i didnt know who u were i was just being a pussy difjejfn but the truth is i asked b/f/n to send me a bunch of (school name) numbers and u was like the only person (other than 2 girls) who texted me back and I DIDNT KNWO IT WASS U AT FIRST but when u told me who u were i didnt know how to keep the 'friendship' going (r we friends??? idek atp) nd ik this is gonna make everything awkward and stuff but uh yeah im really really sorry for lying 2 u and i hope we can still b friends lol (ts up 2 u//im coming back next year too so idk if that helps EKJFNEIJNF)"
SENT !
... you were stressing atp, would he block u? would he be dry? would he ghost u? say "oh ok"? call u weird and tell everyone?
you didnt know how to feel, you wanted to cry. you were in ur head about this whole situation and u couldnt help but overthink. so u turn to your best friends, wanting-- no, needing reassurance. they continue to tell u its okay and that he wont break your heart. but you cant help it, that feeling. that feeling of your heart sinking, the feeling of the lump that forms in your throat, the feeling where you just want to feel better. but you cant. you were paranoid. you were tearing up. but you forced yourself not to cry, u didnt wnat to be a crybaby, but u couldnt help it. the tears had already formed and started to fall, your vision fogging up and your eyelashes wet. you couldnt believe u thought ur lifew could be like a wattpad love story. you were cracking your knuckles and picking at the skin around your cuticles, something u did when u were stressed. you then went to bed, hoping everything would be okay.
the next morning u wake up. the first thing u do is check every other social media and dm before his, you had a feeling he was gonna make u cry (again).
when u finally open the text, your whole expression lights up.
"I mean I suspected it and I am personally fine with the lie you told and yea I can forgive u but as you know I am a dry texter"
you were so happy. u couldnt believe it. you quickly change his contact name back from "oh" to "ROBBYYY! <33" and you smiled so big your jaw started to hurt
maybe there was a chance.
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@/ilovesillycats
plz dont copy my work 😞
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merakiui · 1 year
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Ooh I love the reverse isekai idea! Ok but consider that when their memories start to return, along with their personalities and quirks, so does some remanence of their OB selves. And considering that the only thing on an OB’s mind is their desires, so u can imagine how bad it gets when they start crushing on u. At first their just little urges or voices in their head but they chalk it up to being intrusive thoughts. But it just keeps getting worse, sometimes they see passing glimpses of monstrous versions of themselves when they turn a corner. Till one night while u both sleep on the bed, he wakes up unable to move but can clearly see their OB selves hovering over u, and they start to taunt them, touching u in all the ways they can only dream of ur body reacting in such a delightful way they can’t help but get turned on. They curse the monster calling it despicable for taking advantage of u but the monster keeps taunting saying that they are him except they have the balls to get what they want. In conclusion, the OBs cuck the boys (and Azul‘s bullies shouldn’t be limited to the tweels, so why not make himself his worst enemy) - I did this at 4 am and I didn’t have any sleep bc of midterms so excuse the mess that is this post
Yes!!! I considered something where the Overblot manifests itself in the characters’ shadows, hardly noticeable at first. But eventually you’ll see characteristics in the shadow that don’t align with your friend. Azul’s seems to have extra limbs. Leona’s seems to have animal-like ears and a tail. There’s always a halo-like crown bordering shadow Vil’s head. Thorns border Riddle’s shadow. You’re certain there are snakes coming out of shadow Jamil’s head. Idia’s hair seems to be more unruly than usual. And is it…made of fire in the shadow? You’ll point out these peculiarities and he’ll shrug it away, laugh it off, tell you the light’s too bright and you’re just imagining it.
But it becomes impossible for him to push it away. He’s remembering more and more of his past life and he’s so close to figuring out how he died and ended up in this magic-less world. When he peers at any reflective surface, the face of his Overblot smiles back. It’s getting harder to ignore this pressing issue, especially when he starts coughing up a thick, dark substance that resembles molasses-like ink. He has a sneaking suspicion that he’s dealt with this before. This thing… This blot. Right, that’s the word. Now he remembers.
And when it gets to an unbearable breaking point, the Overblot is birthed from his shadow, having existed in the dark for so long now, silently observing, growing, learning, feeding off of his desire to have you, to love you, to trap you, to protect you. All of these obsessive behaviors, each masked under the guise of a caring friendship, give the Overblot its power, and soon it no longer wishes to be the shadow the flame casts.
The Overblots exist as separate entities, which means you’re stuck with another version of your friend. And this version is cruel, detached, and very verbal about his innermost desires, especially when it comes to you. The original will tell you that that’s not him. That…thing is nothing like him. He’s not actually this disturbed. You’ll believe him because you trust him and you know nothing of the world he came from. Besides, he wouldn’t lie to you, right? He’s just as lost as you are… Right?
For now, you have to put up with a very troublesome Overblot and a very annoyed original who wants nothing more than to skewer his Overblot for ruining his chances and crossing lines he’s been trying to ease into.
The Overblot adapts rather quickly. He’s still very rooted in desire, but he uses it to his advantage. If you want him to behave, you could grant him a kiss or a hug or something more and he’ll be on his finest behavior. If you want him to stop sneaking into bed or the bathroom with you or locking you in a dark room until you’re begging to be let out, all you need to do is comply with whatever he wants from you. Though he’s still unhinged, he can be somewhat reasonable if it’s on his terms. But if you say or do the wrong thing, he’s quick to anger. Step delicately around him and choose your words with the utmost care, otherwise you might just be putting yourself in danger if he goes into a rage.
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bkghq · 2 years
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hi hi i saw your requests were open? i was wondering if i could request a scenario where reader remembers how bad she used to be treated in high school by her friends, and she comes across a report she made a long time ago to her teachers about her being bullied online for her looks and being called really vulgar names by boys, but now it’s made her indifferent to expressing emotion and she starts crying when she sees the report, so bakugou comforts her? maybe takes her out to eat? i’m so sorry if this is too much, i’m in my last year of highschool kinda sitting around the sidelines and I remembered how bad it used to be which ruined my whole day😭 have a good day/night :)
ᝰ INCLUDES ⋮ bakugo katsuki x fem! reader
— CONTENT WARNING ⋮ angst w fluff ending, bullying, past trauma, best boyfriend katsuki, use of the endearment 'pretty girl' twice (other than that its pretty much gn)
— BONUS ARYA ⋮ hello luv ! ! m so sry it took me superr long to get to ur request,,,, first n foremost i wna say that i love u so much n im always here for u,,, im so sry u had to go thru something like this, i hope this piece can make ur day a bit better ! ! also my inbox is always open if u wna talk <3
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ever since you were three you’ve felt as if you were a fighter, a fighter fighting through the rough reality of being quirkless. it was not only hard mentally but also affected your school life gravelly. from being being bullied to being called vulgar words. you were from the very start a prey for this world full of predators.
however, life seemed to get better when you met your boyfriend pro hero dynamight. even though you were a quirkless nobody as per you, bakugo knew you were special. and at times he didn’t understand how someone as sweet, loving and caring as you could feel as if they were a nobody.
you’re everything and more he could’ve asked in a partner, and listening to things you went through, through-out your school life made him sick. because he knows he made someone else make the same way as people made you feel.
thinking about how he was once the predator preying on someone who he thought was a quirkless nobody.
he has changed though, bakugo katsuki is a changed man and he proves it to you on every occasion he can that he is no more a predator, he is now an alibi to protect people like you, who are bullied for something they can’t control.
and he succeeded in it. you had no longer thoughts about people who bullied you, it was a chapter in life that you had shut closed and you were finally happy in life, so so happy.
however, everyday is an up and down.
one evening while you’re boyfriend was showering you stupidly enough decided to go through some old stuff of yours. and thats when you found it, a hardcopy of the report you’d once written to your homeroom teacher in 11th grade when things had gotten really really bad for you.
your curiosity got the best of you, and even though the small voice in the back of your head begged you— it begged you to not read it, not read through the trauma you’ve faced, something you always wanted to shut down and never open again, you did it anyways.
you skimmed over the format diving straight to the main matter of the report.
i’m writing this letter to you to bring a very important issue to your attention and i’m hoping you can help me. i’m a student in your grade, along with 20 other students. as you may already know i’m quirkless and that has taken a toll on my mental health ever since i was big enough to realise what being quirkless meant. however, i’ve been continuously bullied and harassed by my fellow students. being called stuff like ‘useless’, ’stupid’, quirkless idiot’ and many other words which are extremely harsh. on many occasions my fellow classmates have told me to take my own life because im so ‘useless’.
recently my house address has been leaked by someone and i have experienced my fellow batchmates throwing stones at my window. i feel highly unsafe. it was bearable when it was just verbal abuse but now it’s getting out of hands and i’m quite literally scared for my life—
you clutched the piece of paper tightly, not wanted to read anymore. it was so painful reliving those times. it felt as if you were stuck again, stuck in the constant loop of being bullied and tortured. continuously being told to end your life. 
thinking about it all restricted your breathe, it coming out in pants as tears flowed through your eyes freely.
it hurted so bad, your heart felt so fucking heavy, all these things all this trauma that you, as a 16 year old faced has affected you even when you're a grown up.
opening upto people, talking about your feeling, all of this has made it so hard for you. how indifferent you are just because you didn't have a quirk.
“babe have you seen-“ bakugo said as he came out of the shower with only his sweatpants on, though he stopped mid- sentence when he found you on the edge of bed clutching a paper in your hand and crying.
without wasting another second bakugo rushed to your side, sitting infront of you on the floor on his knees, taking the piece of paper from your hand and placing your small hands in his huge calloused ones.
“wha’s wrong pretty girl?” he asked rubbing his thumb on your palms as worry laced his feature.
sniffling you said, “’s nothin’ Important ‘suki, ’s jus’ my old report i wrote to my homeroom teacher.” bakugo’s hand moved to your face wiping away your tears
“what report sweet girl?” he asked, while his one hand stroked your cheek and the other held your hand.
you looked down, a fresh set of tears forming in your eyes, your lower lip wobbled as you sighed,”’s from back when the bullying….” you looked up at the ceiling still not meeting your boyfriend’s worried gaze,”……’s from back when the bullying got really bad, ’n i know ’s stupid cryin’ over it now but—“
bakugo stood up in a heartbeat and engulfed you in a hug, “’s not stupid baby, don’ beat yourself up, your feelin’s are valid.” he pulled back holding your face in his hands, his thumb stroking your cheek bones, “gosh i hate those fuckers, wish i coulda beat the shit outta each ’n every one of them.” he angrily said, though a softer tone still visible in his voice.
a choked chuckle left your mouth at his words, soon followed by another sniffle,”’s alright i’ve got you now.” you smiled at him hugging his waist and snuggling your neck in his broad chest.
“you w’na go out pretty girl? jus’ you ’n me out on a date? we can go wherever you want?” he whispered in your ear as he hugged you tightly letting you embrace him. bakugo placed a chaste kiss on the top of your head waiting for your answer.
“……even to the cafe you don’t like because there are so many cheesy couples?” you asked face still buried in his chest as you enjoyed the warmth that his body radiated.
“yeah, even that shitty cafe you like so much.” he grumbled, but he knew— he knew that he was more than to take you to that shit ass cafe with the cheesiest couples if it meant that you’d be happy and smiling again.
“yeah, yeah i’d love to go with you ‘suki.” you replied pulling away the slightest so you can look into his beautiful crimson eyes that brought you so much warmth.
bakugo nodded his head and gave you the softest smile, a smile only and only for you. 
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THNX 4 READING <3 RBS + COMMENTS APPRECIATED ໒꒰ྀི ⁰́꒳⁰̀ ꒱ྀི১
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I went on a tiny tangent that I figured deserved its own post so eh.
Team Natsu is probably one of my least favourite of the teams. I don't hate them but they aren't as interesting now as they used to be.
I enjoyed watching them when they had character arcs that I cared about. You know, Gray's unresolved trauma with Ur, Erza learning to be open with those around her, Lucy learning to stand up to her father. Those I enjoyed because they were good character arcs that actually got me feeling emotional.
Now, eh. Its kinda dropped off. Like Natsu has one of the most interesting concepts possible, He's a demon from the X300s who probably remembers dying to fire and is the younger brother of Zeref. Like that's such a cool concept. But nothing is done with it. Like yeah his relation to Zeref is brought up once or twice (which him using it against Alderon was definitely a smart move. Like I've said, he is smart but in his own way) but we never really address the whole, he's a demon thing again. Yeah Lucy rewrote his book but that doesn't magically make him human. And what exactly happened to the book? Is it tucked away in the guild library? His house? Dunno. Never mentioned.
My main issue with Gray is that he kinda just stopped with the creativity of his spells. Like maker mages can make whatever they imagine based around what they can do. (Lyon could make any animal, Gray any object and Rufus can combine an infinate amount of spells) Yet he sticks to the same 5 spells with some Devil slayer magic thrown in on occasion(which why is it canonically called Devil slaying magic when it slays demons. Why not just call it demon slayer magic?) Also I will say this over and over, I don't hate Juvia but I can't help but see Gray now liking her as him just being worn down. Like he was on and off constantly and its just.... Kinda uncomfortable.
I think I really dropped of the Erza bandwagon during the Alveraz arc after she destroyed an asteroid with only one arm that wasn't broken. Like that's one of the most op things ever and then her power level seems to have dropped slightly in 100 years. I know she's always been strong and such but that was a bit much for me (Alveraz was a pretty hit or miss arc anyway. Its not as focused as it probably should be and is full of too many fakeouts to keep the stakes high enough throughout. The good arcs are the ones where the stakes don't get absolutely hammered into the dirt with a metal stick. You know like almost all the arcs before it. All of them had some form of stakes that kept me on the edge but Alveraz ruined the stakes when anyone who was supposed to die didn't. Gajeel, Juvia, Makarov and Natsu all had last minute ass pulls to keep them alive or bring them back. (Natsu kinda makes sense since his life essence is the book Lucy rewrote and Gajeel I can give a slight leeway since he wasn't physically harmed and while Irene's spell was convient, it wasn't to do with Gajeel but Acnologia so I can forgive that. Juvia and Makarov rocked the boat though and that fake out with Anna and Ichiya was pretty cheap along. Lucy was never actually dead so that one doesn't count and Carla came close but she was suspended in time so I can believe that she'd live too)
With Lucy I'm half and half. I don't hate her (in fact I think she is pretty unfairly 'teased' a lot (Happy's weight comments come to mind when he's carried people who must weigh more than Lucy. He's carried Gajeel for one who I'm 100% confident is heavier than Lucy considering he is taller, more muscular and has a lot of hair. All things that would contribute to him weighing more than Lucy does. So really the comments are just not warranted or needed and its one of the running jokes I just can't get behind now like I did when I was younger) although 'teasing' seems to be common place for certain members of the guild considering Gajeel gets his own fair share of hurtful comments thrown his way. They aren't of the same nature, Lucy's mainly focus on her personality and appearance while Gajeel's are more focused on either his strength or his likes but still, both ways are mean) but like I don't have as much intrigue in her as other characters. Like she has a bit more to her than some other celestial mages (Sorry Yukino but the only time you are entertaining is in the twin dragons manga and anime only people will def not have read it. Make the dragon slayer side manga's into ovas or something you cowards) But like, I just don't get that excited overall with her.
Maybe its kind of telling that most of my favs are characters we rarely see. Like The sabers, the thunder legion, crime sorciere don't get as much focus after their original introductions. Like I'd love to see Gray interact with Bickslow or Freed at some point or Erza with Ever(even if it is petty fights, its fun to see) or even show Laxus interacting with his own team more often. That's what I enjoy most, the interactions so it kinda bums when we mainly stick to interactions with the main group. Its why I like the second split up in KOTSH because it actually has the characters work with someone else. (Shame we didn't get to see much of team ups like Freed and Gray) I liked seeing Erza being petty with Ever, Bickslow trying to protect Wendy only for her to insist that she protect him (the whole cow thing was funny) Gajeel and Juvia having drifted apart after bonding with others. It was fun and I wish to see more of it.
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skittsyteacup · 1 year
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TW VENT!! dont read if ur sad or smth!!!
i hesitate to write this. genuinely. theres people i know will see it and theres those who wont but i really want to. i dont even feel upset writing this, i feel pretty good actually. i think writing this wont help, i know it wont, but itll be said right? which is better than nothing(maybe). 
some of us, and i wont name, have a horrible habit of checking accounts of people we no longer talk to and wow! you guessed it. exs fall into that. its mainly to see how theyre doing(usually /neg) or cus theyre bored. but we all get those memories. and the pain can meld to others which sucks, really. thankfully this doesnt happen often! but it still happens and it still hurts. an example is one of them sent a anon tell to an ex of ours asking if they checked their exs accounts. part of the reason why other than curiosity was because we were a little suspicious they sent us tells n shit. im more confident they dont now after a bit of research but we cant talk in headspace easily. and even so who wants to talk about their bad habits? not them. but to the actual point, ive had nightmares my whole life. i dont have dreams anymore as far as i can tell, they always morph their way into something i dont count as a decent thing. and more often than not ive found someone from our past whos hurt us a lot is always there. we had one with a man named steven who ruined our childhood a couple days ago. we screamed at him about how we hate him so fucking much and personally? thats progress! we recognize we didnt deserve it. we recognize that it was wrong and he deserves to burn. 
but quite a few of these nightmares have our most recent ex. since theyre not almost dead like steven i wont name them, ill refer to them as K. im not sure theyll see any of this. part of us hopes they will. part of me hopes that too. id like to help set the record straight.
we dated them for a year and a few days. we met on discord and grew close in a short amount of time. they were 16, i was 14. theyre 18 and im 16 now. so its been almost 2 years, its been 2 years since we met though. the relationship was good as far as i knew but now as ive grown i realize even if the age gap isnt big, thats 2 different maturities. they were hypersexual, i was asexual. the pressure made me graysexual and im also now hypersexual(in a way). i felt bad for saying no, which made me what others see as a shy partner who relies on their s/o to function. i felt bad that i didnt rely on them to exist, as if theyd get mad at me for not needing them to breath. and i think i was right too. even if they think now ‘no i wouldnt of’, i know that that would upset them. because in a way, a twisted way, thats upsetting to someone who wants to be your whole world. they want you to only need them. theyve probably changed. i hope theyve changed. 
but someone stalked their tellonym the other day to see the answer to the tell they sent and they found something else, im quoting so i dont fuck it up,  “whats your opinion on a partner that is being shy?”                                        “it’s whatever but i can’t stand overly shy partners like i’m not going to do everything for you. my ex was like that and it drove me fucking insane”              i want to scream and yell that ‘you did this, this is your fault, it was and still is a problem you created’ but ive grown too. we’ve grown. but i want to talk about how youre wrong, K. how wrong you are. you got upset when i told you no, when i wasnt ready to fuck, when i had issues sleeping, when i hung out with anyone, when my constant attention wasnt on you. you probably dont remember it like that, and thats ok but it wont change my memory in any way. you can shit talk me and i know you have about things you shouldnt. you can get angry over this. i hope you do in a healthy way and right now some of us disagree with me hoping that. back to the topic at hand, though, i felt like you would hurt me if i didnt get your permission or do something you didnt like. maybe thats why i got called co dependent. and i dont mean physically, that youd hurt me like that, i meant mentally. i wouldve dont the physical part. i know i wouldve. i know all of us wouldve. an unspoken part of our brain thought if we didnt then we didnt love you. i remember one time, i was up past 12. you woke up and saw. you got upset, made me feel like the worst person because i wasnt asleep. i went into another room and hyperventilated, having one of the worst panic attacks ive ever had. thankfull i was too distraught to search for anything harmful, and the house was small(we all slept in the living room, the other 3 rooms were in shambles(kitchen worked a little)) so searching for stuff was noisy already. and i knew if i relapsed you would make it about you. which is another thing. i dont think you ever realized it. i could never bring it up either for that reason. i didnt like talking to you about my issues because id just end the topic feeling worse than i started, but this time id also feel like i hurt you. and since you didnt like me talking to other people, and when i was i had to tell you, i just never said anything. and when id have doubts about our relationship, like i felt like you didnt love me/i didnt know how to handle something with you/you did something i didnt like/i noticed a red flag/you think im cheating, i didnt have anyone to talk to. i think i didnt break up with you because i never vocalized my doubts too. i did ask my friends during our half ass break if i seemed like a cheater, if i was like one, if i had tendencies of one. ive been cheated on before and i personally dont think im like one at all but others insight helps a lot! they said no, though, but part of me is still scared they lied. it doesnt matter much anymore though. anyway. to continue on your wrongdoings of a sort, you also accused me of cheating many times within the last week or two of our relationship because i 1) didnt let you log into my discord, you never told me why you wanted to and i wasnt ready to talk to you about a few things until i saw you(or was supposed to) 2) called you a new petname, i called you a lot of things related to the moon i dont understand why that upset you 3) everyone you talked to about us said i was cheating(ill admit, im still a bit disappointed your mom thought that too.). i cant think of anything else at the moment. but still its all bad, right? i dont know anymore. i still feel like i deserved everything you did to me. but ive been told i dont. that i didnt deserve the sexual pressure and the sexualization, that i deserved a nurturing relationship. but you still helped shape who i am now, mostly for the worst, but i know what not to do now so thats something?
im gonna end this here. its long enough, ill continue at a later date if i need to, reblogging is a thing here. i just needed somewhere to say this. theres more to say but god this is long?? enough for now??? and i need to do other things. on a side note, i hope osiris is doing well.
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ghostdrew22 · 3 years
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angst fic where ravenclaw!reader has thalassophobia and is playing with the water by the shore in the dark lake with the necklace draco gave her before they broke up a few years back when the new girl he’s been going out with throws the necklace into the middle of the lake in spite, and the reader cannot afford to lose it djeiwis sorry if it’s messy u dont have to do it ure uncomfyyy
Prompts:
If you die, I’m going to kill you.
Jump In || Draco Malfoy
Requested: Yes Pairing: Draco Malfoy x fem!reader Warnings: ANGST, a bit of swearing, panic attacks and thalassophobia mentioned. Summary: Years after breaking up with Draco you find that the last gift he gave you is still the only thing comforting you, and his new girlfriend doesn’t like that.
WORDS : 3546
Gleaming, twinkling Eyes like sinking ships on waters So inviting, I almost jump in
The crescent moon outside begs for your company and you oblige, preferring to be alone than stuck in a room full of people who pity you. You lift the bottom half of your dress from the ground and sneak out of the ballroom nonchalantly, anxiety dissipating as the soft breeze comes in contact with your face.
The sound of your heels clacking against the cobblestone fills the air as you walk toward the boardwalk hanging above the lake, and it reminds you of a time when Draco would bring you down here. The lake behind the Malfoy Manor has always been subject to your fear, and you rarely ever go toward it, but tonight you’ll do almost anything to feel alone and normal for once.
The tiny ripples forming on the surface send shivers running down your spine and you look up at the sky immediately in an attempt to subdue your anxiety. A few meters away lies the ballroom, full of dignitaries and old family friends of the Malfoy’s who attend their annually ball every time without fail, and you can hear the faint sound of laughter mixed with a beautiful crescendo. You shut your eyes, take a deep breath and drag your fingers up to your neck to toy with necklace lying around it, as you try to imagine that you’re anywhere else.
You’d thought that it would be easier, coming to the ball and seeing him with his new girlfriend, but it had proved to be a bigger challenge than you’d anticipated, and residual feelings that you’d been trying to stuff down for months had resurfaced like anchors being pulled up from the bottom of the sea. It reminded you of what he said that day, “I’m yours forever, even if you’re not mine.”, and the only thing that stopped you from running back into his arms was the chain hanging around your neck.
A silver chain with a midnight blue sapphire dangling on its end, worth one of your arms and a gift from the blond himself. He had given it to you as a promise, one to love you till the sun stopped rising, and at the time you had thought that it was the perfect gesture. But reality hit and you soon realized that a life with Draco Malfoy would be one filled with envy and uneasiness, and you knew then that you both deserved more.
The necklace’s monetary value reminds you that Draco belongs to a long and esteemed family line which demands attention that you cannot cope with. But the fact that it had been his proclamation of love reminds you that in order for you both to lead happy lives, you must be apart. The way it gleams beneath Chandeliers is so captivating that it always brings you back to earth; a life with Draco is inviting, but some invitations mustn’t be accepted.
But I don't like a gold rush, gold rush I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch Everybody wants you Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you
All eyes instantly fell on him the second that he appeared; sporting that notorious smile which always brought people to their knees, and a priceless suit that hugged his figure so well it made all the straight men positively envious. A true Malfoy; charming, rich, attractive, easily the whole package. You didn’t get a chance to speak with him because he was instantly preoccupied with the ramblings of his mother as she dragged him around the room with pride, showing off the son that she’d done such a good job at raising.
Draco’s life had always been politics and he’d been raised to invariably stand tall, look presentable, get good grades, converse well. You watched him in awe every time, admiring the grace and ease with which he conducted himself. But it made you wonder when he’d been taught the art of letting the spotlight go, to focus all of his attention on the one he loves instead of the search for approval. And the answer was that he hadn’t, Draco never grew out of the desire to have everyone’s praise and approval.
‘If everyone loves you, if everyone wants to either be you or be with you, then you’ve succeeded.’ He’d told you late one night after one these balls. You’d looked at him with pity, not having the heart to tell him that love and validation are not synonymous, and you’d hugged him so hard that somehow you both knew it was all coming to an end soon.
He grew up being a magnet to both jealousy and admiration, a symphony of applause being the background track to the movie of his life, and he didn’t know how to live any other way. When all you’ve ever known is lustful stares from fellow peers, stolen glances at the back of your head, and unbridled acclaim masked behind attraction, then it’s hard to put that life behind and settle for the love of only one person.
Walk past, quick brush I don't like slow motion, double vision in rose blush I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush Everybody wants you But I don't like a gold rush
He truly was magnificent though, even you couldn’t deny. Years ago, when he’d walked down the stairs in one of those clad black suits, he had met you at the bottom of the stairwell and you could’ve sworn that you were floating on cloud 9. He had smiled so brightly at the sight of you, had laughed so sweetly in the space of your ear, and fit so tightly into your side like it was a home made only for him, that you were intoxicated on the feeling of him and hadn’t noticed what was happening.
You were falling in love. You weren’t flying, no, you didn’t have wind beneath mystical wings that you’d somehow managed to grow. You were falling, and at a speed so treacherous that you didn’t even realise it was happening until it was too late. One day you were falling, and the next you were ruins buried so far into the ground that you couldn’t even tell where the earth stopped and you started.
Falling in love with him was fast, like a bullet train, but everything after was so slow that you felt as if you weren’t even moving at all.
What must it be like to grow up that beautiful? With your hair falling into place like dominos I see me padding 'cross your wooden floors With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door At dinner parties, I call you out on your contrarian shit And the coastal town we wandered 'round had never seen a love as pure as it And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea 'Cause it could never be
Promises to run away together and start a life somewhere off in a distant town.
Fingertips, laced with the narcotic effect of young love, tracing lines across the expanse of each other’s faces and trying to figure out which of the other’s features would be inherited by your children.
Dreams about a time when your lives would no longer be dictated by the paths your parents had set out for you, but instead by the spontaneity and reassurance that came with endearment.
Tastes of tea replaced instead with the taste of each other as long-forgotten tisanes made home on bedside tables because you both got lost in the haze of tenderness.
Arguments about mundane and useless concepts that would go on for longer than necessary, because he insisted on disagreeing with everything, and always ended with your acute responses.
Lives that had once lacked passion, that had once been so dull they compared to Snape’s drawling, instead replaced with all the colours that the world had to offer.
It was the perfect life, the one you two had planned.
But it was too perfect to ever be real.
You take a deep breath and unhook the necklace to observe it once more, hoping that it’ll provide some comfort for the ache in your chest.
'Cause I don't like a gold rush, gold rush I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch Everybody wants you Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you Walk past, quick brush I don't like slow motion double vision in rose blush I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush Everybody wants you But I don't like a gold rush
“Y/N.” A voice slurs behind you.
You turn with furrowed eyebrows and roll your eyes when you see who it is, “Pansy.”
“Don’t be rude.” She hisses and hiccups as she stumbles toward you, “What are you doing out here?”
“Could ask you the same thing.” You narrow your eyes at her, “Are you drunk?”
“Just a tad.” She replies as she hiccups again and finally stands before you. You watch silently as she gracefully sits on the wood below her, making sure not to create creases in her dress or fall over in her heels.
“Shouldn’t you be in there? On his arm like a trophy?” You ask, and inwardly groan when you hear how jealous you sound.
“Probably.” She shrugs and looks out into the water. “It doesn’t matter though, I’m not you.”
She looks up and into your eyes, you look away immediately. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to take from that.”
“Yes, you do.” She states bluntly, “He told me why you left him. That was really selfish of you.”
You gasp and turn to look at her, “How dare you? You have no idea-“
“No, actually, I do.” She gets up from the ground swiftly as a fire rages in her eyes, “You think I don’t know what it’s like to be like him? We’re the same, we were practically raised on the same blueprint. Despite what you think, there’s a lot more to the issue than what lays on the surface.”
“Oh and I guess you have all the answers?” You spit out with a scoff.
“I thought Ravenclaws were meant to be smart.” She shakes her head and hiccups as she turns to face the water, “Draco’s entire life has always just been this.” Pansy turns and gestures toward the Manor with a grimace.
“It’s always been about being the best in the room, just so that he can earn five seconds of approval from his parents. But you came, and you showed him more, you gave him a glimpse of what love feels like. Then, because you were scared and couldn’t hack it, you left him.” She continues and you grip the necklace tightly in anger.
“That’s not what happene-“
“How can you possibly expect him to come back to me, to this bullshit, when he’s experienced actual happiness? How is he supposed to come back from you?” She finally turns to face you and you hear a slight crack in her voice with the last words, “I love him so much and if I could make him half as happy as you do then I would.”
“You can.” You breathe out shakily, “If you two try a little more then you’ll realise why it just makes sense.”
“Love isn’t about sense Y/N. It’s not about appearances, it’s not about applause, it’s not about any of the crap that him and I were raised to prioritize.”
“You call it crap but that’s all he knows, and he just isn’t ready to give it all up.”
“Why do you get to decide that for him?” She tilts her head to the side and raises her eyebrows, you look away from her.
“I should probably get back inside.” You mutter as you start to turn toward the manor.
“You’re righ-“ She gasps and you turn to see what’s shocked her, “You still have it?”
“Have what?”
“The necklace.” She points to your hand and you nod awkwardly in agreement, “I helped him pick it out.”
“Oh.”
“A sapphire to match your virtue and faithfulness.” She says absent-mindedly as her eyes lock on the piece of jewellery. “Guess he got that wrong.”
She laughs coldly and you scrunch your face in confusion, “Excuse me?”
“You’re just like the rest of them.” Before you even know what’s happening she’s reached for the necklace in your hand, “You love him until it’s no longer convenient, until the paint starts to chip.”
“That’s not true.” Your voice comes out shaky and lacking conviction, it makes her laugh again in disgust.
“And then who has to pick up the fallen pieces? Me.” She continues to ramble as she walks toward the edge of the boardwalk, you feel your breathing start to pickup as you try to focus on her instead of the lake behind her. “As if I don’t have my own pieces to pick up.”
“Pansy, please just come here so we can talk about this nicely.” You respond and swallow.
“No. You don’t deserve a civil conversation.” She spits out as she finally reaches the edge of the boardwalk and hangs the necklace out by her arm, “In fact, you don’t deserve anything. You don’t deserve his love and you definitely don’t deserve this pendant.”
“No!”
What must it be like to grow up that beautiful? With your hair falling into place like dominoes My mind turns your life into folklore I can't dare to dream about you anymore
Everything after falling in love with Draco happened in slow motion. You don’t know how, or when, but your life had become a slackening slideshow of bad decisions.
You hold your breath as you watch the necklace fall into the lake. It’s as though minutes, hours, days pass in that moment, but you know that it’s merely a few seconds. When the splash finally sounds, you let out a huge gasp and Pansy laughs as she turns to leave.
Panic sets in and you start to contemplate your options. You could jump in and get it yourself? No, that’s absurd, you’re not going to overcome your fear that easily. You could rush into the manor and find someone who’s willing to get it for you? No, no one would take you seriously.
You shake your head and decide to just do the easiest thing; try and work up the courage to get it yourself. You start to pull off your heels and scrunch up your dress so that you can step into the water and you walk toward the edge of the boardwalk.
But as soon as you’re near the water you realise that you can’t do it and your panic rapidly worsens. You step back a few paces before falling to the ground and pulling your head into your knees as silent sobs begin to shake your core.
Breaths, in rapid beats, are going to and from your lungs as the sound of the water swishing fills your ears. Nausea begins to set in your stomach as you think more and more about your terrible predicament, your fear of bodies of water and your sadness at losing the necklace combining to form one indestructible lump in the pit of your stomach.
“Y/N? Are you out here?” A voice calls out from a yard or two away and you try to recognize it, but everything is foggy in your state of trepidation.
“Shit, Y/N!” The voice calls out once more and you hear footsteps pick up to a run as the person approaches you. “I swear to Merlin, if you die I’m going to kill you!”
You realise that the person still hasn’t noticed you, and is probably assuming the worst, so you try your best to croak out a word- any word.
“Here.” You manage to rasp out between sobs and wheezes, and the person immediately runs toward you.
“Y/N? Are you okay?” They ask as they pull your head out from your knees and you try to nod slowly.
You blink back a few tears and try to focus on the face in front of you, “The- the-“ You try to say and shake your head of the confusion as the words refuse to formulate.
“Hey, breathe princess.”
You recognize the nickname and then soon enough your eyes register that Draco’s kneeling in front of you. “Draco?”
“Yes, it’s me.” He responds softly as he cups your face in his hands and tries to wipe a few of your tears, “Take a few deep breaths for me, yeah?”
You nod and do as told, breathing until you finally calm down and manage to think clearly again. “I’m okay.” You breathe out and he sighs in relief.
“I was so worried, Pansy came in rambling about getting back at you and something about tossing and water- And I was just so scared that she’d thrown you in or something, because I know that you can’t swim and you’re terrified of the lake so I-“
“Hey, slow down, I’m okay. I’m right here.” You respond and manage a weak smile. He nods and sighs again. “She didn’t toss me into the water, though I think she would’ve liked to. She threw in the necklace. Shit! The necklace, it’s still down there!” You exclaim as you try to stand up but find that your legs are asleep, and end up coming back down instantly.
“Calm down. What necklace?”
“The one you gave me, the one with the sapphire that you said was a family heirloom?” You ramble and he furrows his eyebrows.
“You still have that?”
“Yes, I do. And it’s at the bottom of the lake and I need to get it back!” You stand up and Draco immediately does the same, placing his hands on your shoulders to keep you still.
“It’s just a necklace Y/N, you don’t need it.”
“It’s not just a necklace, it’s-“ You pinch your nose and sigh, “It just means a lot to me, okay?”
He narrows his eyebrows but nods in understanding, “Okay.” He steps back from you and pulls off his suit jacket, looking absolutely magnificent with his toned shoulders showing beneath the well-fitted shirt.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m going to get it for you.” He shrugs and you shake your head.
“You don’t have to, I can figure something out.”
“You tried to figure it out and you had a full on panic attack, I’m the best option.” He says sternly as he looks at you and you nod in agreement, “Now just wait, very far away, and let me find it for you.”
“Thank you.” You call out behind him but he doesn’t respond.
At dinner parties I won't call you out on your contrarian shit And the coastal town we never found will never see a love as pure as it 'Cause it fades into the gray of my day old tea 'Cause it will never be
“Here you go, in perfect condition.” He says as he drops the necklace into your hands and runs a hand through his hair. He looks gorgeous and you look down to avoid getting lost in his eyes.
“Your suit is wet.” You mumble with a sniff and he chuckles, the sound makes your heart race.
“We have magic, I’ll dry up.”
“Thank you.” You whisper as you finally look up at him and he smiles, that same hypnotic smile. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without it.”
“It’s just a necklace Y/N.” He smiles softly and you shake your head as tears begin to stream down your face again.
“No, it’s not just a necklace.” You sniff, “It’s you and I. It’s all that I have left of the love that we had, it’s all that I have left of the life we were going to build together.”
“Y/N.” The sternness in his voice makes you swallow hard, but you pull your hand up to indicate that you’re not done.
“Let me talk, please.” He nods and you continue, “This little gem is all the words that we never had the chance to say. It’s the nights we would’ve spent climbing into bed together, in our little house that’s tucked safely into a small town. It’s the cups of coffee I was going to make you when you woke up in the mornings, and the cups of tea you would’ve made me when we went to sleep. This little gem is the only thing I have to remind me that our love was real.”
“It also doesn’t hurt that it costs a fortune huh?” He asks with a grin, despite the fact that there’s sadness in his eyes, and you nod with a choked out laugh.
“Definitely a bonus.” You say as you laugh a little more and wipe away a few tears.
Draco pulls the necklace out of your hands and opens it to put it around your neck once again, and you turn around so he can put it on. “Look, Y/N, life is too short to fill up with ridiculous mistakes. You left me, like I never mattered to you, and it broke me.”
You turn back around quickly, “That wasn-“
He twists you back around abruptly, “Let me talk now.” You nod and he continues to hook the chain around your neck. “It took me months to decipher what you meant when you said that I had too much love for the spotlight, that I didn’t have the capacity to let it go. It took me months to finally grasp what you meant when you said that people fall at my feet, that my contrarian demeanor is a crowd-puller. And the recognition hurt, a lot, because I realised that you we right about most of it.”
You feel his fingers leave your neck as he places a soft kiss on your shoulder, “What was I wrong about?”
He pulls you back to face him and smiles as he looks down at you, “The only thing you were wrong about was my unwillingness to let it go.” He pulls you into his arms for a hug, and you sigh in his arms.
“You can’t just leave this life Draco, we both know it isn’t that simple.” You muffle into his chest and the vibrations of his chuckles make you smile.
“That’s where you’re wrong angel, I can just leave this life. You never gave me the option but,” You pull apart and he smiles so wide that you think his face might come apart, “I would give it all up, for you.”
Gleaming, twinkling Eyes like sinking ships on waters So inviting, I almost jump in
His eyes are shining as they look down at you with adoration and commitment, and it takes all the strength you have left inside to not pull him back into your arms. He brings his fingers up to the sapphire and rubs his thumb along it.
“It’s not all you have Y/N.” He pulls your chin up so you look him in the eyes, “I’m still right here.”
~~~
get added to my taglist 
taglist: @dracoscene @dreaming-about-fanfictions @astoria-malfcy @gwlvr @wh0re4blaise @marrymetheonott @dracomalfoyposts
~~~
hi lovies! guess who’s finally feeling good enough to write again! :) we’re going to ignore the fact that the FOOLWAG sequel is beating my ass though
I will not lie, I had a great time writing this, possibly one of my favourite requests by far. I was originally going to make the ending angsty but I figured  @evermoreeve (thx sweetie<3) reminded me that we all deserve a happy ending now and then.
anyway, i love you all,
jean <3
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papers4me · 3 years
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Fruits Basket Manga Review , ch 111
sigh~~~ I feel that my recent posts are a bit negative towards the anime, but thats cuz the chapters I’ve read so far are either unbelievably important character depth content cut for no valid reason or content in the anime but packed with million other things that it lost its purpose or importance. Basically tohu’s ep 6 which consists of 4 chapters & now ep 5 which is a momiji ep & yup, packed with 4 chapters as well... so, I apologize for any negativity, my intention is just analyzing artistic & story-telling aspects, I love se03, but yeah it screwed up lots of important characters due to its not so thorough plot decisions & harmful character insight choices.
today.. we explore Momiji... but only before his curse breaks.
Furuba anime struggling to know how to design an episode based on various plot-heavy chapters?
so, they decided 13 eps, & decided one ep for momiji cuz motoko’s graduation & the fanclub is the core of the furuba & have already cut tons of tohru, cuz who cares? she’s kind. be like her. end of lesson. No. really, jokes aside, how to do this?
How to combine several chapters in one ep? collect small snippets from chosen chapters/content like a bee does flowers? you gotta skip some content, you gotta highlight others. The ep is only 20 min after all & you got an op & Ed that you cant always skip.... so.. furuba team decide that momoji’s ep should be true to his zodiac animal, this is the rabbits last appearance in spirit. so, they went with quick hopping from one chapter to the other like a rabbit?
No really, ep 5 is really like a rabbit in its flow, you can’t savior a moment enough before jumping to the other: we learned momiji grew up!! loves toheu romantically, challenged kyo, really meant it, wanted a fair love game, got freed, lost tohru romantically & faced momiji! but that’s not all? we still have space!! quick add akito’s moodiness & love triangle with her dog & her submissive bed partner, add a happy comedy for no reason whatever & make shigue kiss tohru & wish shes 'was his lover instead!!!!!!!!! Mind you all this happened in the anime before shigure hurt tohru with his “the truth of the zodiacs talk & them accepting & feeling consolance that kyo is doomed”talk. 
-Gets whats my biggest surprise after reading this chapter ?????????
Shigure is consistent!! He isnt a rabbit hopping here & there. The dog is loyal & is tired for good reason! Him being depressed & his weird talk with thoru makes so much sense given the manga’s order.
Kyo is consistent!! In the anime, momiji surprise him with confession he loves tohru & challenge him, then kyo la~la~la~joins them downstairs for curry. Not a single expression on his face, where is the expression? it will appear when the plot is forced to address it: by the end of the ep when momiji face hin again. Then we get kyo’s reaction.
I need someone to tell the anime that actions require a reaction. You can refrain from showing a certain reaction if you can’t address it now, but you can’t erase it, negate it, then make it appear when have to!!!! couldn’t they make kyo refuse to join them & eat together? the     other characters wont be surprised they think he’s needlessly moody. The audience will know that kyo is troubled with momiji’s challenged & it will excite them!!! having kyo just go eat & watch the momiji/hiro/haru/yuki comedy skit is weird.
The manga’s author wanted kyo to join the dinner, like the anime did. but huge difference. the author actually cares for logic reaction & understands that the audience aren’t dumb little kids that will sit & wait for kyo’s turn to...react! nope! she did this: (a) & (b) below.
-Lost Small Bits/ Panels from the chapter.. But Sadly Big Huge Chunks for Characters buildup & Growth:
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(a) addressed the fact the hiro noticed kyoru is in love & dressed that shigure was right!! the cat being in love is a weird concept to the zodiacs! hiro reacted naturally & the author used hiro to flesh yuki’s (the rat), momiji’s (the rabbit) & haru’s (the cow) decision to silently watch the kyo (the cat) makes his own decisions to live!!! They won’t interfere or tell akito or remind him of his state as the doomed caged cat. So sad this moment is cut from yuki. Why must yuki only interact with kyo to beat him (all seasons)? why must yuki only think of kyo to envy him (all seasons) ? Here, yuki’s growth towards kyo as a person & his relationship with tohru is 1000 times better than all tohru is my mom’s sh!t & I envy kyo’s Sh!t we saw in the anime over & over till we memorized it.
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(b) kyo didnt just go la~la~eat with momiji after knowing he loves tohru. Nope, there’s small bits missing: called logical emotional reaction. He was surprised he’s caught pining over tohru! cuz yuki, the audience representative, has told us in the previous chapter that ppl in love dont notice anything around them. Kyo thinks him being cold hid his feelings. the dummy’s feelings are as bright as the sun in the Sahara, tohru too. a child read her! such small thing that wont take much space from the ep but was cut cuz kyo only needs to be responsive at the ep’s end. & this scene of kyo & tohru looking awkwardly at each other is minor in space but so important cuz kyo is determined to let go but his decision is challenged by not only momiji, but his natural attraction to tohru. Here he knows he’s caught & exposed... here he knows momiji is a better choice for tohru cuz he wont didn’t hurt her mom... here he knows that even yuki is better cuz never had to pretend to be cold to her... here he knows the world is better than him... & here he just cant help by smile & walks towards her... T_T ... another lesson in writing slow burns by Takaya-san.
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-Why would the anime team pass on this?? drawing kyoru closer after the epic tear in Cinderella ep, cuz they want empty suspense~! The anime team thinks that if kyo & tohru stand next to each other, then it means all their issues are solved & the audience are so stupid as to forget tohru’s mom, kyo’s imprisonment, kyo not confessing his sins to tohru & tohru’s need to make a choice wether to fogive hom or not.. nope! you see, they think, ppl who read mangas are smart, so the author can give this epic symbolism & pp would still be not sure kyoru is end game & tohru will forgive him or kyo even fogive himself, but ppl who watch, oh no, gotta cut all the plot worthy content, produce a graduation song for a minor character, cut all kyo/tohru interaction cuz it only means romance & not at all character depth & oh if we show yuki actually formulating deep thoughts that aren’t centered around him, the audience might forget his se02 struggles! or that might ruin yuki’s upcoming growth moment in the finale where he .. you guessed it hits kyo.. as he always do & sulk &  think abt himself cuz yuki can only do monologues when he’s directly involved.... man~it is so sad how the anime is dumped down.. Who is the target audience again? not kids as young as hiro cuz even hiro is smart!
-just look:
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 Momiji talks abt kyo shouldn't give up loving tohru & the authr shows this this ghost!!! his mom! The author reminds us that kyo isnt da~~~~ forgetting anything. He’s a deeply troubled soul & hos mom wants him locked cuz she too was locked in a cage & thinks that’s safer...why oh why you dump ur own story! sh!t~
Side Notes:
I like the closeups on Kisa’s face as she interacted with kyo. It’s very rare for kisa to have a world beside the endearing parental/big protective bro/big doting sister love she has with tohru & haru & off course the romantic love with hiro which was perhaps since their birth or sth. lol.  Kisa & kyo arent much on the brotherly side as they rarely interact, but its one of those  refreshing  interactions she has that helps cast a new light on her as tiny as it is,  but its sth out of the norm around her. She sees him  around tohru & gets to perceive his true unprovoked character. “He is  nice guy”.
I really wanted to punch kureno this chapter.. like Shigure is a jerk shitty dog for sleeping with akito’s mom but kureno... dude.. you submissively sleep with the guy’s eternal love interest & still walks in on him talking to her!!! lol. you’re mentally, emotionally & physically weaker than him & yet, she puts you on her bed, not him & you, tho not wanting her at all, dont walk away. No wonder shigure is defeated & wishing for someone like tohru, lol! Even if shigure met an older tohru-like person, it wont work. shigure deserve someone like him mean, schemer & loves playing power games. Tohru is someone who values honesty & commutation, not saying she’s an angel on earth, but tohru knows who suits her.. except fate is saying: NO. .... currently. lol.
I know kureno’s weakness is part of his character & I love that such characters exits. There are ppl ike that in real life. It’s just this chapter, I felt shigure’s frustration. XD
Yuki in this ep is the best yuki. no exaggeration here, I love when yuki is calmly thoughtful of others & here its kyo of all ppl !!!! cutting this scene is sad.. without it, kyo & yuki remain a cat & rat in the anime. Only ever thinking abt each other thro envious binoculars or hateful words or yuki giving kyo comedic hitting or life’s problem-solving hitting. Why can’t anime yuki be interactive outside his self-centered issues is beyond me.
Momiji & kyo’s interactions are always the best! whether comedy or drama.
I hated the curry cooking scene in the anime... so weirdly out of the ep’s flow.. very forced comedy... in the manga it had a purpose! not just quick add comedy cuz next shot momiji curse breaks & drama & we’ll close the ep with tears & sadness & glimpses of hope...
I love haru’s answer to hiro... so him.. “a guy can’t fall in love?”so chill.. so..simple.
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Note
HI i just wanted to say that i really enjoy your twilight metas (as those are the only ones ive read so far) and you're a genius. it's awesome to me how realistically you think about characters and the plot, which i have never been able to do because i always get confused. thank you especially for your post about jacob and how the fandom treats him bc ive always had mixed feelings! i love him (the fanon/new moon him ofc) but i also felt rly weird about the whole SA thing, especially as a brown boy thats been villainized (i didnt SA anyone i just realized how that sounds) i understood that it had racist roots but it still...happened, yk? anyways u put it beautifully and its alot easier to understand how i feel about him now. also like everything else u post about!! i despise the cullens w my every being but its so entertaining to see their dynamic and actions laid out. mostly bc it solidifies my hatred but anyways. they also kind of change my views on other characters, like i always kinda liked bella (i dont like alot of things she does but alot of the fan content i see on her made her feel rly relatable) and its rly interesting to see that she would be a kind of absent parent, bc id never considered it like that and it makes so much sense and woah. u have so much evidence to back up ur theories and opinions too--i tend to get lost in fanon but i dont rly do that w ur posts! even ones where ur spitballing its just muah chefs kiss i love. i write alot of self fulfilling fanfiction and tbh it does not feel the same when the characters r too ooc and ur posts have helped a fuck ton! ur super cool and i love ur stuff keep going :)
i do have some questions tho u dont have to acknowledge it at all and ik you tend to focus more on the cullens, but what do you think the wolf pack is like now that jacob, leah, and seth have left, and now that they have so many new members? do you think any other girls would have shifted and how would they be treated? ik leah was kind of alienated in canon not only bc shes a girl but also bc of her feelings, and i cant tell if the pack would be wary of her/treat her the same as leah, or if they would have learned their lesson.
have a good day!
Well first, thank you, I'm very flattered. I'm going to go ahead and acknowledge @therealvinelle here as well as she's I believe the one who originally posted the post about the very complicated topic of Jacob Black and his terrible choices throughout the series.
As for your questions there are a few pack questions in my inbox but it's mostly a matter that people keep asking questions about Bella and she keeps getting eaten.
Also, I'm not sure you want me answering these questions. Like all of Twilight, it's a bleak pit of despair.
But here we go
What About the Pack/Tribe After Breaking Dawn
There's a lot of shit going on in the tribe right now. Jacob leaving is just part of it.
They have an unprecedented number of shifters in the community and that's going to spell... a lot of issues in the years to come.
Namely, per Sam and Emily, domestic violence will be through the roof and kept very hushed up for the understandable reason of these people look like they were mauled by bears. This will also likely increase the number of deaths in the tribe, especially among those who are young. Accidents happen, it's not good, this is going to have a devastating impact on the people.
You also have a lot of angry, disaffected, young men who can no longer really be a part of society. They can't really attend school, can't even really leave the reservation for fear of turning into a wolf, they can't hold a job, at the age of nineteen or younger they each had their futures ripped away from them.
Some, Seth, handle this very well (possibly because he hasn't clued into what this means yet), others like Jake... do not. These people have had their lives turned upside down and in some cases utterly ruined: that's not good in any society.
Then you have the imprinting, lord, the imprinting.
To date, there's the Sam, Emily, and Leah disaster. The three of them handled it very well, but it still utterly destroyed Leah's life and emotional stability. Not helping, of course, is that Leah has had her very identity taken from her, has no privacy, and her only option of escape is to follow Jacob around which... we'll get to in a few paragraphs.
Added to that, you have the Claire/Quil disaster, in which the tribe is desperately trying to handle it by a) keeping it very quiet b) trying to make Quil just be the babysitter. That's unlikely to work out for them and is just angstfest all around and no one's fault.
And then, of course, Jacob/Renesmee. Jacob, having now imprinted, will follow Renesmee to the ends of the earth. He has no other purpose now. Which means that Leah and Seth, who are in his pack, get to follow along and uproot their lives. For the tribe this means they'll never be rid of the Cullens, not truly, and Billy has lost his son entirely. Not to mention it's guaranteed to go awful places.
Then you have the paternity questions this whole thing drudges up, the trauma of these children having to be sacred warriors and having slaughtered demons with human faces, many of whom were also once children and more.
The tribe and the pack are a goddamn mess.
Jacob imprinting on the Cullen hybrid daughter and leaving the tribe? Yeah, it's weird and no one likes it, but that isn't even the peak of the nonsense these people have to deal with.
Would the Other Girls Shift?
No.
Leah seems to have won the genetic shitty lottery. In 600 years of shifting, there has never been another woman, and Leah has all shifting bloodlines in her veins.
It seems Leah was just very unlucky.
Were other girls to shift I imagine they'd face much the same situation. Suddenly teenage boys are witnessing them naked, all the time, they have no choice to become sacred warriors (a role not typically meant for women and which will very much feel like 'the boy's club') and I don't get the idea that anyone learned anything from Leah.
Jake certainly didn't, he just thought she was Uber Bitch until she begged him to let her in his new pack and reminded him she was a human being with feelings.
The concept genuinely had not occurred to him.
TL;DR Remember kids, Twilight is despair
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h34rtizuku · 3 years
Text
𝔭𝔦𝔱𝔶 𝔭𝔞𝔯𝔱𝔶
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i hate angst without happy endings, but i’m also self-destructive. therapy is expensive, but ripping your own heart out and bearing your insecurities into a full-fledged story for you and others to read? free.
warnings : angst without a happy ending, insecurities, jealousy, mayhaps toxic behavior?? idk if ur looking for a good time, this isn’t for you bestie <3 also i might misspell uraraka’s name wrong a few times, i’ll fix them later :*
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being quirkless had its advantages. with such a small number of us being born without powers, it left a lot of the mundane jobs open.
which is why, as soon as pro-hero deku opened his agency, i came to him with the request to be his assistant.
on the daily, he had people coming up to him asking for internships or to be his sidekick. but he never had anyone ask to be his assistant.
being the number one hero often meant that every day things, things one may take for granted or deem insignificant became just another list of things on the busy man’s to-do list.
therefore the appeal of having someone file his paper work and run to get him coffee in the morning was great enough to hire me.
and i was glad he did.
this is what i have been working for since i was a first year in high school. after watching the freckled boy break limb after limb to defeat his opponent.
yeah, i saw it as irresponsible and stupid that he had to break his own body to save others. but i was willing to overlook it.
my one goal during my remaining years of high school and up to college was that wherever that little green haired boy went, i would follow.
and that reigned true as his assistant. i would shuffle after him like a duckling following it’s mother, wherever he needed me.
if he needed me in a briefing to take notes for him, i was there. if he needed me to put in overtime to help him file the last minute paperwork, i was there. if he wanted a particular pastry from a specific bakery half way across town, i was there.
izuku was never mean, or demanding. always thanking me profusely for anything i ever did for him. leaving me to remind him that this was my job, and any way to make his life easier was good enough for me.
but maybe i should have held onto those blushed cheeks and crinkled eyes as he thanked me for the coffee that he didn’t even know he needed, for a just a little bit longer.
you know how a child will open a new toy on christmas and it quickly becomes their new favorite toy? playing with it non-stop, taking it wherever they go. until one day, they grow bored of it and never touch it again as it grows dusty at the bottom of their toy bin.
i know izuku wasn’t doing it on purpose, he didn’t have an intentionally mean bone in his body. i guess you could say, some other toys came around and took his attention away.
and that toy, was a particularly difficult mission in collaboration with uravity’s agency.
the two spent long hours cooped in his office as they went over notes, plans, intel, etc. until the conversation melted into talk about the old days and the wonderful memories they had together in high school.
i went to work the following days with absolutely no energy to handle whatever would be thrown at me. i hadn’t been able to get much sleep, as when i closed my eyes the only thing i could see was the look in his eyes when he saw her.
my patience was already thin given the events of the most recent week, but when the printer started malfunctioning leaving me unable to fax the papers izuku wanted me send, you could say that was the first domino.
i swatted and kicked and pressed any button on the stupid machine. telling myself i was merely trying to get to stupid thing to work, but deep down i knew that the printer was just my temporary punching bag. an outlet to unleash my anger and emotions onto something instead of letting them fester inside me.
so when one of izuku’s sidekicks came by, giving a snarky comment about my behavior, i was able to brush it off with a roll of my eyes and an equally snippy comment back.
but as the hunk of plastic remained steady in its plan to ruin my day, the lack of sleep and lingering resentment started to bubble within me once more.
i heard footsteps behind me and a joking voice say, “having a bit of trouble are we?”
if it weren’t for the white hot anger buzzing in my ears i may have been able to identify the voice before i lashed out on them. but we already established this was not my day.
so as my hands moved to clutch the machine below me, most likely to restrain my abuse to merely verbal instead of physical. i spit out, “listen i’m fucking trying okay? so how about you get off my ass and do something useful.”
i turned around to face who i thought would be another sidekick sent to push my buttons. but i instead came face-to-face with the green haired man himself.
eyes blown wide, mouth agape in shock, a light blush dusted under his freckles as he fought to handle the situation the best way he could.
but i beat him to it with a deep bow and an endless flow of apologies, opting to only blame my anger on the malfunctioning piece of junk behind me and not the several other reasons i was plotting murder in my head.
with a gentle smile and a soft chuckle he placed his hand to the back of his head, rubbing at the baby jade hairs of his undercut. “i see. bad days happen to the best of us.” he replied, his voice like honey.
i became drunk on the minor interaction he was giving me, bringing me back to the beginning days at this job where we would spend late nights trying to keep each other awake under the only singular yellow light as we finished paperwork. or where sometimes he’d invite me to spend lunch with him as he felt he’d enjoy the company.
i got lost in the intricacies of his face as he tampered with the printer. thin eyebrows furrowed in concentration, bottom lip captured between his thick scarred fingers as he muttered to himself.
i fell in a trance, locked on the slope of his button nose, his gemstone eyes, and chubby caramel cheeks dusted in freckles.
he looked essentially like the same boy i saw on the screen all those years ago, yet matured and hardened by the realities of life.
i wanted nothing more than to reach out and protect him any way my small quirkless body could. to be there for him the same way he was for everyone else.
he eventually got the printer to work with a boyish smile on his face as he told me that despite the good roughing up i gave the machine, he was able to locate and handle the issue. “next time, skip the punching and come find me, yeah? i’ll help with any problems you face.” he joked as he made his way into his office to resume his work.
i didn’t know it was possible to fall harder for that man, but he proved with every day of his existence that the impossible didn’t apply to him.
i was finally able to get some sleep the next few nights as my eyelids filled with the blush on his cheekbones and his gaze of concentration.
but my trip to cloud 9 didn’t last very long as the occasional meeting with uraraka became trips to her agency, and occasional meetings in civilian clothes to civilian places, like coffee shops and corner stores.
to anyone else, those would read as dates. to me, they read as dates. but izuku assured the gossiping sidekicks that it was strictly professional ~ nothing more, nothing less.
i knew that i would end up with more fits of restlessness and sleepless nights as i pictured the two of them laughing over a cup of coffee. so i sought out a replacement.
a moment. a look. a sentence.
anything directed at me that would choke out the ugly thoughts and images my brain would show me of the two of them together.
so that afternoon as i brought him his lunch, i placed the box safely onto the table beside him as he continued skimming through the papers littered across the desk.
he muttered a small ‘thank you’ but it wasn’t enough. as my hand moved to place his drink that i held in my other hand next to his food, a different idea popped in my head.
my hand moved faster than my brain could register what it had just planned to do. squeezing just enough for the lid to pop off and slip from my fingers to tumble into his lap.
as soon as the liquid and ice hit his lap he flew up from his seat and away from his desk.
my hands flew up to my mouth as a string of apologies fell from my lips. eyes watering in guilt as they moved around the room trying to locate something to soak up the mess with.
“i am so sorry, my fingers slipped and before i knew it i had lost control of the cup. i-i can’t tell you how sorry i am.” i rambled as i took my blazer off to wipe at the wet stains starting to form at the bottom of his teal suit.
“hey, hey, hey.” he said softly, taking my tinier hands into his large and battered ones. warmth enveloped my clutched sticky hands as he gently urged me to stand from my crouching position in front of him.
“it was an accident. no harm, no foul.” he said with a soft smile.
i should feel bad, as it wasn’t entirely an accident. but the warm and gentle look in his eyes made what little guilt i felt crumble away.
his thumbs rubbing soft circles to my skin as he worked to get the tears to stop streaming from my eyes was enough to get me to sleep like a baby for a good 2 weeks.
until it became a cycle. he would spend too much time around uraraka, and then i would do something all in the name of garnering his attention back on me.
was it wrong of me to do, to take advantage of his kindness? to take advantage of the fact that he was naive to my true intentions? maybe.
but i felt i deserved it. i felt i deserved to be looked at the same way he looked at her.
i wasn’t any different than she was. with the way she used her big brown eyes to pull him in. or the way her cute behavior made him blush. or the way her sweet way of talking made him laugh.
i can’t be her, or compare to her. so i found my own way around it. and no one could fault me for doing so. they just couldn’t.
at the end of the mission, uravity decided to throw a party in celebration of their win. a nice formal gathering, with everyone she had involved.
when izuku pulled me aside one late night to tell me that he was extending the invitation to me felt akin to a marriage proposal.
i wasn’t involved much in the case, merely being used as the one who provided them their lunch on their long meeting days. or filing and organizing the paperwork and notes that they would compile. i wasn’t out in the field, breaking bones like izuku or saving lives like uraraka.
i didn’t deserve to go, but i didn’t care. izuku had invited me personally and damn it, i was gonna be there.
yet, i shouldn’t have gone.
i shouldn’t have spent the hours on my makeup. i shouldn’t have enlisted the help of my best friend to do my hair as i gushed about how izuku had personally invited me, how he was the most perfect man ever, and how i was undoubtedly in love with him.
i shouldn’t have spent the week leading up to the event going from shop to shop trying to find the prettiest dress that was just the exact color of his eyes. i shouldn’t have spent about half my paycheck on said dress when i found it.
i shouldn’t have decided to face my fears and step out of my comfort zone to join a group of heroes that i knew were old classmates of izuku’s as they whispered about something that clearly was a raving topic.
because then i wouldn’t have heard how izuku was planning on confessing to uraraka. i wouldn’t have heard how this mission caused old high school feelings to rekindle. i should have known my place.
and that was far away from here, from the hero scene. i should have grown up to be an accountant or a chef.
when my father took me to get that checkup when i was 5, to confirm that there truly resides no quirk inside me.
i should have left it at that.
when i was riding my bike that day as a first year and i saw the group of boys huddled around a screen as they tuned into the u-a sports festival, i should have kept riding.
as maybe it would have saved me a lot of pain.
i backed away slowly, heels tapping against the tile floor as i hurried out of the building.
i didn’t realize how suffocated i felt until the chilly autumn hair brushed my face and into my lungs.
my whole body felt hot, i felt numb. i stumbled onto the sidewalk as i looked into the dark azure sky glittered with stars.
the tears finally spilled from my eyes as the stars muddled together into a messy blur. my stomach swirled and tensed as pit of nausea sunk in my stomach.
my chest heaved as it tried to process the crisp cold air into oxygen, but my throat was too tight to let much in.
i gasped and sobbed as my back hit the brick behind me, my legs wobbling unable to carry my weight much longer.
i slid into a crouched position as my tears mixed with the black of my mascara. streaming in pools down my cheeks, neck, and chest.
in the midst of my sobbing and heaving, i called my friend who was still at my apartment awaiting details of that night when i came home.
knowing it was far too early for me to be calling her she picked up the phone with confusion. it didn’t take much words from me, not like i gave her much, to convince her that she needed to come pick me up.
as she hung up the phone, my hand slipped from my ear, falling limp to my side as i placed my head into my other arm resting atop my knees.
this was inevitable and i knew it. no matter how many ways i was able to manipulate a sweet glance from him, it didn’t mean anything.
izuku was nice to everybody. sweet to everyone. kind to anyone.
but with her, it was different. he treated her that way, not because he had to, but because he wanted to.
they had years of memories, of laughs. they were perfect for each other, both smart, and kind, and always looking to help others. never acting selfishly or for personal gain.
they shared soft touches like they did old stories. they looked at each other with the same respect and admiration.
i was wrong. uraraka and i are nothing alike. she didn’t have to beg izuku to look at her like she hung the moon, he did so without asking.
unbeknownst to me, as i was manipulating izuku into these fabricated moments of gentle gazes and kind words, i was manipulating myself.
lying to the deepest parts of me that knew that this wasn’t real. that i wasn’t her. that he didn’t think of us the same way.
to him, uraraka is an old friend, who views the world the same way he does, who shares his same passions, who built her quirk to do some good within this world.
to him, i was a coffee-getter, the girl who knew his lunch orders like the back of her hand, the girl who filed his papers. the quirkless little fangirl who practically begged him to give her a job under him.
i heard the metal door open and snap shut announcing that someone was now outside with me. however, i just assumed it was a party-goer stepping outside for a smoke or a phone call so i didn’t bother to look up.
i also wasn’t in the mood for if the person happened to be a drunk girl who was ready to become my therapist as she saw me crouched on the sidewalk wishing to become one with the cement and simply cease to exist.
“there you are, i was wondering where you went?”
i would have taken the amateur therapist over this.
the voice belonged to izuku, dripping with sugar and default kindness.
if i could become one with the bricks just a little bit faster that would be great.
“hey, are you alright?” his tone became worried but i still didn’t dare to look up from my arms.
“do you feel sick? did something happen? do i need to take you home?” there he goes, into hero mode. ready to drop anything to help anyone facing the slightest of inconveniences.
“please just leave me alone.” i mumbled, throat tight and voice wavering as i try to hold the tears that still remain to fall.
“what did you say? i didn’t quite hear you.” he said softly, gently setting his large hands onto my exposed shoulder.
they should feel like welcoming warmth, but instead they felt blistering hot as i shoved them away as quickly as i could.
“i said leave me alone.” i said, slightly louder as i no longer was stuffed in my arms and knees.
he immediately saw the mess my face was in, i could tell by the way he quickly reverted fully into deku.
“hey, what’s wrong? whatever it is, i can help. didn’t i say you could come to me whenever you ne-“
“oh my god just stop! i can’t take it anymore.” i snapped, finally able to look him in the face.
but not for long as i saw the same look on his complexion as the first time i snapped at him.
“you’re too fucking nice. leaving you vulnerable for people to take advantage of you. giving them a reason to be selfish.”
“i dont-“ he tried to start but i cut him off.
“i don’t need a hero, izuku. there are people you just can’t save.”
as he worked to wrap his head around what was happening, my friend pulled up in my getaway car.
i bent down and grabbed my purse, but before i could fully escape this night, izuku grabbed my wrist causing me to stare into his eyes.
now lit aflame with desperation, “please just tell me what’s wrong. let me help you.” he encouraged softly.
but i wasn’t going to fall for it, not again.
i wasn’t gonna be played for the fool as i took the soft look in his eyes for anything but the gaze of a hero hoping to add another save to their statistics.
“god you never know when to quit!” i yelled as i yanked my wrist back. “and i hate that i-“
loved that about you?
no, love that about you.
i shook my head, thankful that for once my brain caught my actions before i spilled and made a mess again.
i walked quickly to the car, opening the passenger door almost as fast in hopes that within its metal sanctuary i could finally escape this hell.
“y/n- i-“
“mr. midoriya.” i just about whispered, my energy long since drained.
he laughed gently and i cursed the way my heart squeezed a little at the sound.
still head over heels for the angelic sound.
“you haven’t called me that in a long-“
“i quit.”
“w-what?” he muttered in disbelief.
i wouldn’t believe it either, not after the way i came to him nearly 4 years ago saying i would even be willing to clean toilets if he asked me to, so long as i got to work for him.
“i quit.” i repeated.
“you don’t mean that.”
he’s right i didn’t, not really.
hot tears started to dribble as my lower lip puckered in a sour quiver.
“no i do, sir.” i shook. “i will send someone to collect my things on monday.”
and with that i closed the door.
“drive.” i whispered to my friend who after a moment of looking at me, trying to read me, silently put the car into drive and started forward.
leaving izuku behind to stumble after the car, mouth muttering, trying to form any sort of sentence or sense.
but i couldn’t see him, knowing not to look at the mirrors situated on the side of the vehicle.
for they too are liars, as objects in the mirror are farther than they appear.
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*** my little blue bitch working overtime
🧼 also mayhaps “soap” by melanie martinez fits this story… unintentionally ~ but if i’m wrong it’s cuz i haven’t listened to it in a while
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babygirldennis · 3 years
Text
This shit is fake bby!!!
Here she is.. My masterpost of all the dumb, illogical bits of info contained within these s15 “leaks” that make me fairly confident they are complete bullshit. It also includes my little tinhat theories that have absolutely no evidence.
I will be putting it all under a Readmore in case you don't want to risk it or if you simply Do Not Care
First up, I'd like to point out that these call sheets repeatedly give very detailed backstories to characters that have few lines which conveniently paints a picture of each episode's plot. And I'm not an expert so correct me if I'm wrong, but after looking at other similar casting calls, they only ever include the demographic and necessary skills.
Basically who in their right mind would write up casting calls that give away so many spoilers? Seems like that could cause and issue if they were leaked lol. But anyway that's my 1st point. But onto the actual content
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So the conceit of this episode as a whole is that during the pandemic, the gang "gamed the system" and received three (3!) Loans to start businesses that went bankrupt. One of these businesses is implied to be the one started by dee and charlie who end up selling to Qanon shaman. Already this is so impossible baby.
1. We've already seen the gang try to get a loan and it didn't work. They don't have good ideas. Ur telling me, they managed to finagle 3 separate loans for 3 separate business ideas from an actual bank?
2. Maybe I just have bad reading comprehension but how does one have a business that is both fictitious and bankrupt?
3. If the customer is supposed to be Qanon shaman, an actual real life guy, why are the only descriptors white and male? They say he's shirtless so are they going to paint on all of the tattoos he has? And if so, doesn't that kind of ruin the dramatic reveal when charlie "throws in" the viking helmet? Why would he do that anyways? Sus.
Moving on
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Alright this episode would fucking blow for obvious reasons but im going to refrain from looking at this through my gay dennis thruther lens because im biased.
Purely from a narrative standpoint, a woman hasn't been shown to be interested in dennis in nearly 5 years during the wade boggs episode. Ever since, every single woman he approaches has been actively creeped out by him. And now I'm supposed to believe that 3 "smart, passionate woman" (In Their Twenties!!!!!!) agreed to go on a date with him? And Anna even slept with him! Just because he what? Agreed with her? I'm not buyin it.
Plus the concept of this scenario lacks any potential for comedy. When iasip gets political, they always discuss a very specific topic using hyperbolic situations and flawed metaphors. If this is supposed to be a political episode, what ultimately lukewarm point would rob be trying to make here? So far we know they're ranting about
The patriarchy
Privilege
Socialism
No more personal responsibility(?)
The... nature of power in society(??)
How on earth would an episode like get approved? This shit sounds like a Ted talk. It sounds like it was written specifically to sound like a political episode so boring and pointless it would generate outrage and mile long essay posts from Tumblr users and reddit users alike. Almost like this one lol.
On a completely unrelated note, do not try and convince me that Frank "casual cock ring wearer" Reynolds is unable to perform.
Jeez this is getting out of hand fast. Let's move on
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Ok now we're starting to getting into the Ireland of it all. Let me go on a bit of a tangent here about all this.. Now I thinq there are just 3 possibilities. Either this is all a publicity stunt and there is some truth to the Ireland rumors, the entire thing could be bogus from some weirdo fan (ps, if a fan did write this I want you to know I fucking hate you. You did this to me), or it is a publicity stunt but Ireland is just more bullshit.
I am going to assume it was a publicity stunt, otherwise I just wasted my entire evening and I can't have that kind of mentality rn. Additionally, I'm Going to tinhat here for a second and say that the Ireland rumors are true, but the details are different.
I say this because if they were going to do filming in Ireland, they probably figured that that information would be impossible to hide. In essence, my completely unfounded hypothesis is that this leak was their fucked up little way of controlling the situation while simultaneously messing with us.
Ok tangent is over, returning to the casting calls. From the looks of it, dee starts a "scam" acting class and has some very devoted students (Note that Tony was also the name of the porn shop owner. Seems weird!) Presumably after the gang replaces her with a monkey as the title suggests.
Honestly, there isn't too much here that's a red flag to me... seems like a nice little dee-centric episode that is the link to the Dublin angle. Assuming I am At All right, this could be a genuine plotline for Dee. However, the monkey could be a red herring and there could be a whole different side plot with the guys. who's to say. Next one!
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Ah yes this is the dennis we all know and despise.. no red flags for me here really, I'm also running out of steam because idk if it shows, but I am majorly sleep deprived atm. Anyway I'm going to the next one
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Okay this is where things start getting weird again ough a migraine just hit, anyway back to my earlier point about how casting calls would never contains major spoilers bc the people who see these wont be under any kind of NDA..
These ones reveal that bonnie dies. Again, that info wouldn't be in a casting call.
But also they suggest charlie has a irish penpal named Shelley who is his biological father. First off charlie is illiterate, although as pointed out by @undeadbreeze shelley could also be communicating in symbols. However, this scenario is still unbelievable to me for a couple reasons:
1. Bonnie's last name is Kelly obviously, and we know it's her maiden name because Jack's last name is also Kelly. But Shelley's last name is... also Kelly? In the context of this big ol hoax, it feels like it was written to show that look! his last name is the same as charlie's! That's how you know that's his dad! But It would be way too big of a coincidence if charlie's dad happened to have the same last name bonnie.
And 2. There's the whole mystery of charlie's long-lost sister from 'charlie got molested' but never any mention of a brother which according to this, shelley has been pretending to be his brother for years. And we all know how much rcg loves their continuity, it seems uncharacteristically lazy to just tack this on without any prior buildup.
And finally let me talk about mac for a second and specifically the line in gus's summary "both are gay men who are attracted to the priesthood for all the wrong reasons"
Iasip has commented on pedophilia in the priesthood many times in the past which leads me to believe that they are implying that mac is a pedophile? Please let me know if I completely misread the implications of that statement, but if not, then that is completely insane and one of the biggest indictators that this is fake. Mac is awful, just like everyone in the gang but he is definitely not a pedophile.
However even if i did completely misread that, it's still proof this is fake.. For all his faults, Rob put a surprising amount of care and effort into mac's coming-out. It hasn't been perfect, but Mfhp in particular firmly established that mac's faith is integral to his identity so Its unlikely that rob would throw all of that away for a cheap shot at priests.
Ok my brain is irradiated sludge at this point, but in conclusion. I hope that 1. I'm right, at least about it being fake (Otherwise damb that'll be so humiliating for me) And 2. This eases ur fears a bit. I don't want to lose all faith in future seasons bc I love iasip and miss the gang. If you read this far youre insane but I literally love you so goddamn much because I spent so so long tapping this out on my silly little phone
Please feel free to add on or message me your thoughts and opinions I need to know I'm not the only one who uhhh went a bit insane. And finally: whoever made these is a cunt. Mwah.
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scandeniall · 3 years
Text
story of us
pairing: suna x reader
the story of ur relationship <3; alternatively (more) dating sunarin headcanons but this time is somewhat of an order and talks good and bad 2K+ worth lol
a/n: i had more planned but half of these have been sitting in my notes for months and its kinda fucking long already bc he lives rent free!!!
warnings: uh the usual aged up (in ur 20s time skip type beat), language, yeah
Meeting
Now when y’all met suna was not looking to love at all. That man was just living his life and so where you. The two of you pretty much meet through komori. You’re a friend and it’s his birthday so him and a few of his friends go out for drinks bc why not. Young hot pretty financially stable v-ball players. Nah no ones there for any type of hookups literally just there celebrating a great guy.
They rent out a section at a relatively nice bar tbh. Not the cheapest and you can actually hear conversation. But also not a super expensive one where the patrons are middle aged with jazz music and the occasional track to relive “youth.” Komori’s a sweetie and will come outside to get you when you text that you’re there. You’ve met washio and ofc sakusa Before so you greet them casually then you turn and there’s Suna and a few others you haven’t met.
That greeting isn’t anything special I promise. Just “hey I’m so and so” and vice versa. It’s one of those meetings where you just think “he’s cute” but it’s such a fleeting thought. Y’all don’t even really talk that first night tbh. At the next practice Suna mentions offhandedly that he didn’t know komori was dating someone and komori is like: huh? Yeah sorry. I love (Y/N) and all but were just friends. Suna just shrugs not really caring to be honest until Komori just asks what did he think of you.
“Don’t really remember much man. Seemed cool though” he didn’t think he’d really see you again. Yeah you were close enough to have been at Komori’s birthday but if that was his first time ever meeting you, he figured you weren’t from around there are present very much. Yeah he was wrong.
Suddenly you were on Komori’s snap story more often, or maybe he’d just been noticing more. Too bad he couldn’t even remember your name 💀. Then it turned into you occasionally popping up where he was. He’d been told your name at least 5 times already but wouldn’t remember it the next day. Whenever he’d see you again he’d get a strained look like: “what is this mf name again” just laugh and tell him again bby.
That changed at some random house party by another mutual friend you two apparently had? You two were the only people just around the fire pit trying to catch some warmth in the chilly night. He’s probably just on his phone head bobbing his head to the muffled music from inside. And you’re just like “remember my name yet?” All jokingly. This sparks the tiniest bit of interest in him and he lets out a low chuckle and just admits “not at all.” I also feel like this is the first time he really looks at you and he’s like 🤨, wait you’re actually kinda cute.
That night y’all just kinda talk and vibe. The conversation comes easy as you two jump back and forth from talking about the music playing to sneakers which he brings up to stuff that you like. He’s actually really easy to talk to. So easy that u can forget about him not remembering your name despite meeting several times. You mention that you’d hung around komori before while they were gaming and that he seemed pretty cool. That leads him to asking “how do you know him anyways?”
“I used to date Sakusa”
Mentally he’s just like— ‘yeah I’m not getting involved in this. Time to go.’ Until you just start laughing.
“I’m kidding. He’s not really my type. We met after being paired together for a project in school.”
The two of you spend quite a bit of time just talking that night until you are joined again by some friends and it’s deadass like y’all weren’t just talking for almost an hour straight.
Getting Together
The process of getting together is like a cat and mouse game. You two start getting closer than friends and then something happens and you’re not talking for weeks. Whether it be life just getting busy, and then someone ending up on some random tinder date or so be it. Definitely one of those things were somehow someway y’all end up just hanging on one of your couches watching a movie. At some point there’s definitely a hint of sexual tension but neither of y’all act on it (later on you find on his finsta that he used to post several “i wont you 😔” memes  Folks can’t tell if hes joking or not (hes not))
You probably gotta tell that man you like him so if that ain’t you I’m sorry. Y’all not dating 😹. It’s something casual, y’all going to pick up some snacks for a movie night and why this mf keep looking at you out the side of his eyes instead of the road. You def texting the groupchat asking if you should confess. They tell you to boss up and just do it baby.
You literally end up confessing in that parking lot. Like right when he shuts the car off and starts swinging his keys on his finger and you kinda just blurt “I like you. Like like you.” He just kinda nods before his eyes widen. “Wait are you fr?” Like no you’re joking tf. It gets a lil awkward so you just go to get out the car and he’s like “I like like you too.”
I definitely don’t think either of you ever officially asked the other out it’s just at some point the understanding that you two are a couple. Like when you’re hanging out just you two hes more touchy, and then y’all start kissing and holding hands at some point. Then when you’re with friends he almost exclusively sits next to you and your friends notice the whispers in one another’s ears at the loud bar that seem just a hint too intimate for ppl who are just friends. Then y’all start arriving and leaving places together and people just at some point get the message (it’s later confirmed by you tweeting some shit like: I hate Rin why is that mf my boyfriend)
As far as anniversaries y’all draw straws to pick a day in the ballpark of the time y’all both think you became official. That’s the day you stick with even if it’s not true.
Relationship Flaws
A fault in the relationship is sunas kinda poor communication when it comes to things that matter. How he feels. Arguments. Love sure as hell don’t come east with anyone but when your partner won’t let you in? Yeah that’s like hell. That’s something you struggle with. And then on your end, it’s the impatience with him not letting you in. You try to wrongfully rush it.
 There’s definitely been arguments that stem from him just being upset about something unrelated to the relationship then coming to you for comfort without actually telling you what’s wrong. He kinda just wants to lay with his head on his chest but at some point that’s not enough. Y’all are in a relationship and should be able to talk about your bad days too.
You’re not innocent in this issue either because sometimes it comes off too pushy. Yes it’s from a place of care but sometimes that silent comfort is necessary. The walls will break in due time and y’all both know that deep in the back of your minds But then there’s a part that’s like— yeah we can’t let this become the norm
“Rin, can you please talk to me”
He will have literally told you “whatever” and that he “can’t deal with this rn” several times as he just shrugs and is like yeah “I’m gonna just go home. I’ll text you later” with an awkward ass pat on your shoulder if it really ruined his mood. If he’s leaving before he gets super upset and uncomfortable just some half assed kiss in your cheek
Another thing is I feel like he could be passive aggressive and let’s be real other folks doing it causes you to do it to. Y’all probably drag eachother on your finstas where you can both see it lol
But when it comes to making up he cracks first and apologizes when he started it. Or as y’all get more comfy with communication. If it’s not anything major he’ll just hit you with a text like “I’m bored come hang”
More Relationship Things
I feel like he love/hates driving. Likes the ride not always driving though. So if you ever proposed a late night drive he’d be down (if you offer to drive). He does let y’all take his car though. He reclines the seat pretty far back. Alternates between just closing his eyes vibing w/ the music or kinda just looking at you (he the type of bf that makes u nervous no matter how long y’all been together)The way he looks at you makes you nervous cause that man is fine as hell and you can just feel his eyes on you.
He films you on Snapchat and sends the video to you like “you look hot”
If he’s not ‘resting his eyes’ he’s mumbling along to the music because he has the aux. if y’all music tastes are different he occasionally throws in something you really like bc he likes how you perk up at one of your fav songs
Moving on. Y’all dap eachother up after s3x because it’s “modern romance” (boy stfu). You two came up with a sex playlist together and it’s on both of your phones. Sometimes one of you will add a troll song that the other doesn’t know and put it in the lineup. (Stole my heart by 1D has definitely played before and you were practically in tears laughing at his reaction. That was one of those songs he was like ‘yeah alright i think we’re done).
At some point you two develop your own handshake and it’s cute. Whenever either of you have to travel without the other that’s always the last thing you do before you leave eachother. There’s vids of your friends daring y’all to do your elaborate ass handshake drunk and doesn’t matter what’s in your system, you both know it like the back of your hand.
I think he values quality time a lot so there’s so many nights where you’re both just chilling in his room just doing your own things. He could just be at his desk watching some game highlights and you’re just doing hw on his bed with your own earbuds in work all spread out and he’s content. He’s also attentive so if he calculates that you’ve been working too long he’ll just take ur earbud like “hey let’s go get something to eat.”
People definitely think he’s the lazy one in the relationship but it’s 100% not true. Like stated above, he’s very attentive and can pretty much gauge how you’re feeling in the blink of an eye. He knows when you need alone time but won’t go without reassuring you that he’s here whenever you’re ready. When you do just need him he’s there without a second thought. If you’re more touchy he’ll have your head in his lap his arm running up and down your as you tell him what’s wrong. He knows when to joke about a minor inconvenience and over the course of your relationship knows when to cut the jokes and be serious with you.
He’d never admit it but he knows your coffee order by heart (he keeps up his image my asking wtf do you get everytime. Just let him LOL). He the type to peek at what you plan on wearing and ‘accidentally’ color coordinate then pull some shit like “why are you copying me”
Y’all def shit talk together. See someone doing something completely out of pocket in public— straight to ur phones you go (pack it up shade room). To the public it just looks like you aren’t paying any attention to one another on your dates but y’all are. Just over the phone so u don’t piss off ur target 😌
Y’all are very comfy in your relationship that you just say stuff. Y’all don’t even think.
“Rin, what if i crashed us in this car rn 😹”
“Do it. Might be fun”
When you two finally move in together it’s almost like how your relationship starts. Slowly more and more spares of stuff for you end up at his. He does sorta make the move near the end of your lease and is just like “you’re here more than me anyways.” (hes nervous but swears he’s not. Bby you’re literally shaking). Him moving you in is like hell. This mf takes sooooo long to help with boxes. Picks up 1 then sits for like 15 minutes. You ask for help the first few times and he’s just like “I got you” while continuing to scroll his phone.
Sleepy Shoulder kisses in the mornings. Only form a greeting you get but it’s ok
this is like my 100th dating suna hc and im still going this is SICK. it was so hard to not drop old refs bc i still believe in them 100% yes i do!!!!
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poptod · 3 years
Note
Congrats for finishing ur exams! Hope u have time for relaxing in summer :) if u take ficreqs & this is topic ur comfortable writing for I'll have an ask: Kenny having/going thru some body image issues (it came to my mind when in season 2 he was going out w/Dylan he was fussing w/his shirt & being like is it too tight etc.)
Notes: thank u!! honestly its kinda nice to b able to project my own eating disorders on a fictional character lmao. thats twisted as fuck of me. warnings: eating disorders, homophobia, the whole rundown lmao. the reader in this is kind of dumb as fuck but well-informed so do with that what you will WC: 1.4k
+
It happened over the summer.
No one else noticed, but you did. He stopped wearing his big shirts, and the smaller ones now hung over his frame in wrinkles too big for his body. His jaw strengthened, his eyes steely, and his words remained sweet, if not awkward, as ever.
You've talked to him a couple times, but never for long, and his interactions with teenagers as popular as you are are limited and uncomfortable. On his part, he doesn't really know you personally––only as a sort of monarch to a high school. This image of you leaves him stuttering as you trap him against the lockers, surrounded by the silence of a vacant school.
"Wh - what are you –"
"Quiet," you say, glancing up to meet his frantic gaze.
The heat of his stomach moving with rough breaths warms your hands, sliding up his shirt to pull away the fabric and reveal the bare skin. His ribs are showing. From experience you know they didn't use to, but you can't deny the excitement that rushes through you at the sight of his thin waist unobstructed by clothing.
"How'd you lose weight?" You ask, withdrawing your hands from his midsection while keeping him stuck between lockers and you. You had never claimed to be anything but straightforward, almost violently so.
He shifts his weight on his feet, shoulders tensing till they reach his ears.
"Why do you care? You don't even know me," he says with a glare focused on the floor beside you.
"Your name is Khaleel but everyone calls you Kenny because people are dickbags, and you're always hanging out with that Larry kid. And I know for a fact you weren't this skinny," you say, tugging the belt of his loose pants to peer down.
"Don't," he grits out, and he writhes in your grasp, attempting to escape.
Seeing his discomfort, you withdraw your hand once more, and look him in the eye.
"I've seen things like this before," you say, boring into the soul behind his own eyes. "I've been this thing before. Tell me how you did it."
"I..." he pauses, searching your expression for any give in your request, before he gives up with a sigh. "I stopped eating meals for a week."
"Why?" You ask in a much softer tone than your previous, your fingers brushing over his unsteady hands.
"I hate how I look," he admits in a broken voice, eyes tinted red as tears form on the edges. "I'm sick of being unattractive and unwanted. I just wanted to be appealing to someone, for once."
"You're wanted," you say, beginning with a much-needed assurance. "High school is absolute ass and everything that happens in it has nearly no affect on your life. You're going to grow up, and you're going to find cities full of people who want to kiss you. The effects of purposeful starvation on your body and mind are not worth this temporary conformity to the American beauty standard."
Now he just looks confused. You sigh, exasperated by kids who don't seem to get your line of thinking pertaining to society and its expectations of adults and teenagers.
"This is such a small part of your life that can be so deeply enjoyed if you do it right. Don't ruin it with this," you say, and your own voice cracks, strained by the tension stuck in your throat. "You're never going to be skinny enough for this disease. Not even if you're ten pounds."
These words––they're all birthed by what you wish someone had told you. What would've stopped you from doing this to yourself.
The tears long building round his eyes fall at last, creating streams down his cheeks that he covers up by hiding his face in his hands. He falls into you, leaning his weight on your body, and hiding his face (which is still hidden in his hands) in the crook of your neck. Knuckles of his fingers dig into the sensitive skin there, but it is no hard task to ignore it.
You wrap your arms around the boy, holding him tight to you and running your fingers through his hair. Chest to chest, hips to hips, legs nearly stepping over one another. Muffled sobs wrack his weakened shoulders.
"I know," you whisper. It's all the sound you can manage. "It's alright. I know."
"I just wanna be wanted," he chokes out, shifting to hide himself deeper in your touch.
"You already are," you say in a hum, turning to kiss his temple.
"No," he says, shaking his head. "No, no, my parents don't even want me. No one does."
"What do you mean your parents don't want you?" You ask as a deep concern settles itself within you.
He won't pull away, and as much as you want to see his expressions, you know he needs your touch more than anything in this moment.
"I haven't seen them in weeks, they won't let me back into the house. I don't know what I did wrong. I don't..." he trails off as a new burst of tears shivers throughout his body, weakening his already frail limbs.
"They kicked you out?" You ask.
"... yeah," he says, sniffing.
His hands finally leave his tear-covered face, and he wraps them around you as tight and close as he can, shifting his head to the side to truly lie on your shoulder, with his nose nudging your neck. His hands cling to the back of your shirt, nails almost digging into your back as his tears soak your shoulder.
"Adults aren't infallible," you say, your own words now muffled as your chin rests on the crest of his head. "One day they'll realize their mistake, and they'll want you more than anything."
He goes quiet for a while, still sniffling, before he says in a trembling voice, "but I want to be desired now. I don't understand why no one wants me."
"I actually know for a fact that someone in the school very much wants you," you say without hesitation. You can't be the only one who sees how sweet this guy is.
"Really?" He sniffs and pulls away, but his hands linger on your waist. "Who?"
Your mind pulls a blank before it hits you like a trainwreck––it's you. You're the one that wants him. Maybe you are the only one to see him at all, and that realization leaves you stumped. Could you so plainly tell him? Would that be taking advantage of him in his state?
Whatever, you think, still staring blankly ahead as Kenny awaits your answer. This guy needs a pick-me-up.
"It's... me," you say in your most awkward voice since middle school. You cringe inwardly. It's like you're giving him bad news.
His mouth falls open, and he stares at you like you're the only thing to look at in the whole world.
"With..." he jabs himself in the chest with his own finger as he points to himself, ".. me?"
"That is what I just said, yes," you say, nodding.
He tries to stutter out a sentence, something along the lines of why, and you hardly want to hear what he has to say. None of it is going to be true. It's all muck about him not being worth it, and as he grows more frantic, you know you have to calm him down yourself.
Your eyes shut and you lean in blindly, having memorized his face from lunches spent staring at him from a table across the room. Lips mould to his and the words fizzle out, devolving into soft whines as the tail end of his sobbing dies out, suffocated by his first kiss.
He leans into you once more, resting his unsure hands gingerly upon your shoulders. You take his wrists, never parting from his lips as you pull him nearer, till his elbows rest on your shoulders and he holds you closer than before. When his hands tangle into your hair unprompted, you hum, fall, and pin him back against the lockers.
"Hey!"
Someone is shouting at you from down the hallway. You sigh and part from him, turning with a blasé look to meet one of the teachers.
"No making out in the hallway," she scolds but says nothing more, continuing to walk into the next room.
You turn back to Kenny and he's bright red, looking horrified with himself.
"Oh my God," he whispers out as his hands shake ever so slightly.
"It's alright," you murmur, too close to him to stand anything else. You kiss his forehead before you continue, "it's not a big deal. It's alright."
You pull away, looking him in the eye as you say, "come to my house?"
He hesitates.
"I'll make you something to eat. You don't have to eat a lot," you offer.
"... yeah," he says, and nods, looking up to meet your eye. "Yeah, that sounds nice."
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neoraso · 4 years
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royal guard!minho
requested | some gender neutral hc for how he starts to wish he was maybe more than just a guard to you 
to put things lightly, minho was the ace of your entire guard
like he was better than anyone …at everything
so originally he was on (your father) the king’s immediate guard
he was nothing but professional and saved the king too many times to count even from like stepping on rocks idk 
when you turned like 17 and had to do more public appearances obv u were in a lot more danger so ur father jumped at having minho reassigned to u as the head of your personal guard “nothing but the best for his child”
the first time you met him… he only nodded or said yes or no to everything u asked him n ur jus like ok not much of a talker that’s not so bad ig haha ʕʘ‿ʘʔ
he was so quiet and “polite” for months despite you constantly trying to get something out of him
ur other guards always tried not to laugh bc if only u knew he had like two friends and was generally a pretty serious guy
but one day there was a festival in your kingdom’s central city so obv you had to make an appearance which u were very excited abt bc you only get to go into town like twice a year and THIS was one of those times
being “of age” and that much closer to taking the throne you might as well have painted a big red target on your head to signal people against the throne
everything was going fine, everyone was having fun and you decided to visit some of the booths and musicians around the square
minho was already suspicious of the situation and tightens the rest of your guard without u evenn rlly noticing but like
just as you turned to show these cute little candies to minho to maybe get a reaction for once -
the second he looks at you, someone moves to grab you but the flash of a knife in his other hand causes minho to jump immediately into action
honestly who knows what rlly happened minho moved so damn fast but the next thing you know, ur in the middle of your whole guard squad
looking through the gaps of their shoulders you see minho pinning down your assailant with a blade against his neck waiting for someone to arrest him even though he rlly wanted to just execute the guy right there 
the festivities were kind of killed for u after that bc you and your family were rushed back home which u might’ve been more sad abt if u werent in so much shock :<
obv minho was the one to escort you back but like all he said was “you’re okay?” and after u dumbly nodded with wide eyes he walked with you but kept a hand around your shoulder
no one really talked after that which wasn’t unusual for him but in his mind he was rlly like 
“?? ok i know its literally my job to protect this family but?? hm whyyyy do i seem to care sm more rnnn??//?” help him sdhskjd
u just looked so shaken up and disappointed and suddenly he was like damn </3 they rlly have no fun in their life and this one time they could was ruined :///
u had to stay inside for weeks after that bc it turns out there was a whole conspiracy to “eliminate” your family line so you waited in safety until the criminals were “taken care of” 
minho had everything triple checked around the castle for your safety and secretly made sure you had extra treats and warm drinks sent to your room sometimes with little notes that he had the cook pretend to have sent because lately he’d heard you had trouble sleeping sometimes he’s shy boy aw
he started to realize how much he had gotten used to your smile and your little jokes and the way you sometimes tripped on the corners of rugs. and he thought maybe it was a good thing you guys didnt have many interactions lately because he was way too attached
you on the other hand, couldnt even rlly complain about having to stay inside so much bc you had everything you needed and- you knew it was for ur safety but- it wassss kind of suffocating at times
u tried sneaking out at first ((just to the garden!!)) which obviously was a bad idea bc it’s impossible to get past minhos fcking hawk eyes lmao
he STILL didnt say anything like he would just follow right behind you
n like u kinda huffed but whatever honestly at least it was just him and not 15 other guards like everyone acted like you needed
plus it was somewhat comforting to have someone so solid around even if he never talked smh
one night you sat near the little pond and tried to calm your mind by watching how the moonlight rippled in the water
you can feel him behind you so u just turn around and look at him ignoring how he was already looking at you
 “would you at least sit with me?”
he kind of hesitates bc …what if someone tried to come up behind you? but with the sad look on your face he cant help but give in and sits on the stone bench at the opposite end of you
it becomes actually somewhat peaceful until you just decide to ask everything you’ve been wondering n u just blurt out-
“would it kill you to talk with me once in a while? i mean, talk like a normal person and not a machine? i dont bite i promise..”
he furrows his brow bc he’s shocked you cared at all and also he doesnt rlly know how to respond without being like “its not really in my job description to make conversation” but he honestly just thought you were being talkative out of niceties.
 before he could even form a sentence you continued,
“i mean- i’m always trying to get your attention. i dont get to meet many people for obvious reasons but my guards are the closest people to me-literally, and i dont want there to be a big gap between us just because of my status..”
he cuts you off before you ramble yourself to death 
“i didn’t know you were this troubled by it… i just take my job very seriously and i dont want to risk anyone’s safety for the sake of conversation”
u almost roll ur eyes but not wanting to be rude ur just like “even at home? i know you’re serious about your duties, believe me, i just… i get lonely.”
smthing inside him literally breakkkssss when you say that like u are such a pure and sweet person that deserves to have all the love and friends and fun in the world so he just gets quiet for a second and looks down
“im sorry.” he said it so softly you almost didnt hear him “i’ll be there for you more- if thats what you need. im essentially in charge of your safety and care and i’ll do anything to fulfill that responsibility.”
ok.
well this was good right? so why did you still feel unsatisfied?
“i dont want to just be a responsibility, cant we just be like friends? or…”
you cut yourself off before talking too much again
you had to admit to yourself you had developed a bit of a liking for minho, not just because he was probably the most handsome person in your kingdom, not even just because he saved your life, but he had really been a pillar of security in your life and you respected his loyalty and ambition.
he was more than admirable and everything you wanted as a standard for your kingdom
sometimes you let your mind wander to him getting on one knee and leading alongside you..
no, now youre getting sidetracked and delusional and he can practically hear the gears turning in your head so he stands up and reaches his hand out for you to grab 
“of course you’re more than a responsibility to me, come on, lets go inside it’s getting cold.’
taking his hand and realizing the conversation was over, you moved to link arms instead  as he walked you all the way to your bedroom door 
u slept a lot better that night 
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from that point on you could not get rid of minho 
like everyone was borderline uncomfortable with how jarring his change in attitude was 
like he was constantly behind you looking right over your shoulder or grabbing your arm to stop you from bumping into things
even when he wasnt technically on duty he had taken it upon himself to give you little lessons in archery and even some defensive moves to help you protect yourself in case someone wasnt fast enough to help you 
your tried not to get flustered every time he adjusted your form and the way you could feel his breath behind your ear
or the head pats when he walked you to your room at night
or his hand on your back when you guys would take walks in the garden
honestly it did not take long until one night you were sat next to your pond and after some comfortable small talk you noticed how close his face was to yours
but he noticed you didn’t pull away even as he leaned in closer and finally just kissed you
when he pulled away and saw your eyes still closed and how soft you looked his heart almost exploded
“i didnt mean to make things weird i just,, couldnt help myself, sorry”
his rushed confession pulls you out of your daze and you’re so happy (a little shocked) but you’re quick to reassure him
“it’s ok, i’ve been wanting you to do that for a while …”
he’s jus like “rlly?😳”
obviously this complicates things a lot and you aren’t really sure if you would even be allowed to have a relationship with minho bc of ur position
or if he would get in trouble for breaking the rules of attachment to u
all of this is kind of racing thru both of ur minds as you look at each other but you laugh after u both start talking at the same time
you prod him to go first so he grabs your hands and says like
“look i care about you a lot, and i know we’re not really supposed to be doing this but if i can be by your side … beyond my duties…i would really love to. but if we can’t, i can survive with just being here to protect and serve you in anyway i can”
he’s so honest and genuine and earnest it shocked u a little
even tho you were uncertain abt the situation as well you knew you had grown a little too fond and dependent on minho that you would do anything to make it work
luckily an arranged marriage was not required for you so that wasnt really the issue, but falling in love with someone not at all royal..? it was a daunting thought how the idea would be perceived 
you wouldnt have said anything if you both weren’t completely sure of your feelings;  but you really could not imagine being content or safe spending your life with anyone else so you mustered up the courage to ask the king and queen…
when you brought it up to your parents they looked pretty concerned
minho went on the whole “i’ll do anything to protect them and this kingdom” speech and your father just waved him off and was like
“i know u would …. i’ll allow it because there’s really no one better to represent the kingdom and because i want only the best for my child ;)”
u and minho were literally in shock but just quietly said thank u and left the room
when you had privacy he immediately pulled you in for a kiss (maybe several all over ur face)
you had a lot to figure out and many responsibilities but now you had an amazing person by your side to help you through it :.) <3
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