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peakyswritings · 6 months

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Heart, Body and Soul || Tommy Shelby x OC

PART V

Summary: As they get closer, Tommy and Nina start to realise that their time together is limited. However, an unexpected event makes the tables turn.

Warnings: mentions of arranged marriage, slow-burn, small age-gap (Tommy’s 30, Nina is in her early 20s), time-typical misogyny, mentions of war, mentions of mutilation, this chapter contains triggering themes, such as sexual assault and violence. Read at your own risk.

A/N: I hope this is worth the wait! Useful information: in the first part of this chapter Nina is 17. She’s depicted as naive, maybe a bit too much for a seventeen-year-old, but bear in mind that she grew up in an extremely conservative environment. Also, I wrote all the dialogues in English because it would’ve been too much of a mess to switch between the languages, so keep in mind that whilst the dialogues between Nina and Agnese could be in both languages since they’re bilingual, the ones between Nina and Stefano are technically in Italian. Last, some things from the previous chapters are really important for this one. I do not claim any ownership to the dialogues excerpts taken from the show. English is not my first language.

After this way too long note, I hope you enjoy this chapter☀️

PREVIOUS PART

SERIES MASTERLIST

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Dividers credit

1915, five years earlier

“They say Italy might join the war soon.”

It was the first time Nina voiced her concerns. She always had the feeling that if she expressed what was troubling her out loud, it would inevitably, irrevocably become true. But she had been bottling up that fear of hers for weeks now, and it had been growing and growing, consuming her from the inside. The weight of the basket she was carrying was nothing compared to the weight of uncertainty, of not knowing what to expect.

“They say that at your school?” Agnese asked absentmindedly, looking in the windows of the small bakery they always used to stop by when they were children, because they knew the owner would give them freshly baked biscuits for free.

“They say that everywhere,” Nina murmured, kicking a stone with her foot.

Agnese had heard about that possibility, and it scared her as well, but she didn’t fully understand the extent of the seriousness of the situation. No one ever bothered to explain it to her, and every time she asked questions about it, her family would just brush it off. She shouldn’t trouble herself with such nonsense, they said. And although she could ask Nina, she never found the courage to do it, far too ashamed of her own ignorance. Her cousin knew lots of things, talked about serious matters, had opinions that contrasted with everything they had ever been taught, and most of the times Agnese had troubles following the things she said. But she said them with such conviction, such mastery that she couldn’t help but agree with her. And she suspected that the reason why no one ever listened to Nina was because they had troubles following her as well. There was something unsettling in her cleverness.

“I’m worried about my brothers,” Nina admitted. “They’re old enough to be enlisted.”

Agnese shifted her attention back on her cousin, sending her a sympathetic look. “Maybe we won’t enter the war. And even if we do, maybe they won’t have to go. Your father can find a way to-”

“They’re not cowards,” Nina interrupted her with resolution, shaking her head. “The Spinietta brothers are cowards. Pietro and Salvatore are not like them.”

“What do the Spiniettas have to do with it?”

“I heard my father say that if we join the war, Mr. Spinietta already knows who to talk to to make sure his kids are not enlisted. He’ll shake a few hands, make a few threats, and they will be safe and warm in their houses. He might even send them to America, they have relatives there.”

Truth was, Nina wished they’d be sent to America. She wanted them to be as far away as possible from her, from the village. They walked around as if they owned every street, every shop, every person; as if everything was owed to them, because they had money and power. But everybody knew where that money came from. And even though she was aware that her family wasn’t any different, that their own money was mostly blood money, she still believed that her brothers were better than them.

“They’re cowards. Cowards and bastards, that’s what they are,” she gritted her teeth.

“You can’t say things like that,” Agnese hissed with wide eyes, frantically looking around to make sure no one was there to hear her. “Lower your voice.”

“I’m just telling the truth. They’re bastards. Sick bastards. You’ve seen how they’ve dragged that poor girl in their car, last week.”

Nina watched as her cousin pressed her lips together, avoiding her gaze. The episode had left both of them with a bitter taste in their mouths, and a feeling of powerlessness that haunted them still. They didn’t know why they had done what they had done, what they would do to her, but somehow they knew it wouldn’t be anything good. Because despite the kind smiles they were wearing and the false gentleness with which they had guided her into the car, it was clear that they were forcing her. The two cousins heard some girls say that she wasn’t the first, and probably wouldn’t be the last, and that the reason why they targeted her was because she had no father nor brothers.

Everyday since that day, Nina cursed herself for not intervening. Would things have gone differently, if she had said something? Would she have been in trouble as well? What kind of trouble was that girl even in? She didn’t have the answers.

Now she carried a pocket knife with her. If they even tried to get close to her, or to another girl in her presence, she wouldn’t be afraid to use it.

“You still can’t say things like that.”

“It’s not like they can do anything,” Nina shrugged.

There was a delicate balance between the families, assured by mutual fear and by the possibility of a bloodbath that wouldn’t suit anyone. But even that wasn’t enough to guarantee peace, one wrong step was all it would take to disrupt that balance. It was like a bomb waiting to explode.

“I need to buy some thread for my mum,” Agnese changed the subject, stopping in front of a shop. “Wait for me here.”

As her cousin disappeared into the shop, Nina placed the heavy basked on the ground to clench and unclench her sore hand. She slightly rubbed the red marks which were appearing on her palm, wincing at the pulsating sensation. The rev of an engine came to her ears, and before her mind could register what was happening, a car stopped in front of her. Stefano Spinietta stuck his head out of the window and sent her a smile, showing a perfect set of white teeth. “You want a ride home?”

Nina frowned, trying to suppress the feeling of disgust that came over her at the mere sight of his face. “No.” She said firmly, the lump in her throat preventing her from saying anything else. She had always hated how nervous she was when he spoke to her, when he looked at her. He always looked at her as if he wanted something from her. What it was, she could not tell, but it made her feel incredibly uneasy. His handsome features and immaculate manners didn’t fool her.

“Don’t worry, I don’t bite,” he taunted her, getting out of the car. “Let me help you with that.” Stefano reached his hand towards the basket, but before he could take it, Nina pushed it away with her foot. A glimmer of amusement flashed through his eyes, lighting up his face.

Her hand went to her pocket, and she clutched the small knife tightly, the weapon giving her a new found sense of security. She looked right into his eyes, and spoke enunciating each word carefully. “I said no.”

“I just wanna take you home,” Stefano insisted, his stupid smile still plastered on his face. “C’mon, get in the car.” He took ahold of her arm, slightly squeezing it as if he wanted to reassure her.

A wave of uncontrollable rage coursed through Nina, and in a matter of seconds she had him pushed against his car, her blade grazing his throat. Surprise spread across his features as he looked down at her.

“Touch me again,” she said through gritted teeth, “and I’ll cut your throat.”

Silence fell between them as they glared at each other in an unspoken competition, both of them waiting for the other to cave in. Nina forced herself to keep her burning gaze on him, while every muscle in her body urged her to run away. Instead, she didn’t move, head high, hand steady. She wouldn’t bend. She couldn’t bend. Stefano slowly held his hands up in surrender, the shadow of a grin playing at the corners of his mouth. Under her confused look, he slightly leaned forward, causing the blade to pierce his skin, and a trickle of blood seeped from the small wound, red, thick. It ran all the way down to Nina’s hand, and its slimy texture almost made her flinch. Stefano, on the other hand, had regained his composure, as if he was the one in control of the situation, as if he didn’t have a knife pointed at his throat.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed out, staring at her with an indecipherable look in his eyes.

Nina hesitated for a moment, then, with a swift movement, she took a step back and placed the knife back in her pocket, suddenly aware that she had held her breath the whole time. Stefano sent her one last glance, before turning around and going back in his car without saying another word.

As he drove away, she glanced down at the crimson stain on her hand with wide eyes, her heart thumping in her chest. When Agnese walked out of the shop, unaware of what had just happened, she closed her shaking fingers in a fist, and hid her hand into her pocket.

“What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” her cousin chuckled, looping her arm though hers. “Let’s go home.”

Present day

“I swear to God, I swear to God…she gave me sixpence. She sends me to the shop for margarine, eggs and bread. When I came back…”

“With a top hat and a coconut,” Nina shook her head, a laugh escaping her lips.

“And that was all the money we had for the whole fucking week,” Tommy stopped to lit his cigarette, then he raised his eyebrows, a smirk growing on his face. “And me mum beat me with a fucking frying pan.”

“Why the hell did you buy a top hat and a coconut?”

“‘Cause I thought she deserved it. I thought we all did. And I could never understand,” he hit his hand on the table, a hint of some old anger creeping into his voice, “why people like us only had bread and fucking lard. And I wanted to be different. That’s what I wanted.” Silence fell between them as he took a drag from his cigarette, his gaze getting lost in old memories.

Their late-night chats had become a habit now. The night after the first one, for some reason, Nina went downstairs to make herself a cup of tea, and, for the same unknown reason, Tommy went into the kitchen with a dry throat. Just like every night since then. They stayed up late, sharing thoughts, doubts and memories, whispering them into the night and letting it take them away. Over the past week, Nina had come to realise that there was way more than Tommy let on behind his stoic facade, and she found herself wishing to know more. As for Tommy, he liked hearing her talk. She had something to say, and she wasn’t afraid to say it. It was refreshing, and a nice change from the hordes of people who repeated somebody else’s words like parrots, without fully understanding their meaning.

“And you are different, aren’t you?”

The depth of Nina’s eyes became too much to bear. For the first time, Tommy suddenly felt exposed. It was as if she was reading right into him, as if she had him completely figured out, as if every thought, every fear, every unspoken word was no longer a secret. It scared him.

He cleared his throat, stomping out his cigarette. “I heard your brothers also fought in the war.”

“Yes,” she nodded. “They were at Caporetto.”

Pietro and Salvatore still bore the marks of that defeat, both physical and mental. Pietro, the older one, had almost lost an arm in combat, and even though two years had passed, sometimes it still hurt. But in exchange for the arm, the war took something else away from him. There seemed to be nothing left of his once caring nature, and his innate attention for details had turned into a urge to have everything under control. As for Salvatore, the war had enhanced the restlessness that had always distinguished him. He was angry, easily triggered, spiteful. And now he had a deep scar which crossed the left side of his face, making his expression appear even more grim. However, in Nina’s eyes, Pietro was still the boy who fought for her to keep on going to school, just like Salvatore was still the playful kid who took advantage of their size difference to sweep her off her feet and spin her around. But they were not those kids anymore. A line was drawn between Nina and her brothers, and that line became a breach, and that breach had continued to open up until an abyss yawned beneath their feet.

Nina took a sip from her cup of tea, sensing that it might be time to change the subject. The war was clearly a sore point for both of them, although for different reasons. “Agnese told me you like horses,” she sat up straight in her chair, her gaze lighting up with curiosity.

“Yes, I do like horses.”

“When I was a child I wanted to learn how to ride. I even asked my father to buy me a horse for my birthday,” she reminisced, a small laugh escaping her lips. “My mum threatened to leave for good if he ever dared to come home with a horse.”

“So you didn’t get the horse.”

“I didn’t get the horse.”

“You know, I’ve got horses, I could teach you how to ride one,” he proposed, the words escaping his mouth before he could think about what he was saying. Then he realised, and he paused for a moment. He wouldn’t get to teach her. A faint, bitter smile appeared on his lips. “I mean, when you come to Birmingham to visit your cousin.”

Nina couldn’t explain the strange effect his words had on her, the sharp stab of sadness that hit her right in her chest. She brushed off that feeling, telling herself it was just the thought of not seeing Agnese - her only friend and the only ally she had in that family - to cause it.

But Tommy recognised the stinging sensation that was rising up inside him, a sensation he had already felt before. A sensation he couldn’t admit, not even to himself.

“How are things with Tommy?” Nina casually asked her cousin, struggling to hang a bedsheet on the clothesline to dry in the shared backyard.

A sly smile flickered on Agnese’s face as she glanced at the black-haired girl, keeping on folding the dry clothes. “You call him Tommy now?”

Her question made Nina’s movements come to a stop. She shut her eyes for a moment, cursing herself for letting the man’s name slip out of her mouth. She hadn’t told anyone about how she and Tommy were on better terms, about the frequent conversations that had brought them to that point. She had been extra careful not to show the slightest hint of friendliness towards him in public, for she knew people would talk. She couldn’t risk Agnese getting the wrong idea. “Only when he isn’t around,” she murmured, starting to hang the laundry again.

That wasn’t too far away from the truth, though. Although Tommy did call her by her first name, she didn’t remember ever doing the same with him. She didn’t call him Mr Shelby anymore, either. She just didn’t address him. For some reason, calling him by his name seemed too personal. It felt like crossing a line that was not supposed to be crossed.

“I almost thought you were starting to approve of him,” Agnese joked, letting out a small giggle.

Nina forced a laugh, shaking her head, and a sense of guilt rose inside her. She told herself it was just an innocent, white lie; those secret conversations didn’t mean anything. It wasn’t even a lie, just an omission of truth. A justified omission of truth.

Then why did she feel so bad?

Agnese fiddled with the necklace Tommy had given her, pondering her words. “He doesn’t seem to be…taken with me,” she revealed, a glimpse of worry shining in her green irises. “Don’t get me wrong, he’s a gentleman, and he’s been nothing but polite to me, but… I don’t think he likes me.”

“Agnese, are you joking?” Nina hung the last shirt, before turning towards her cousin. It pained her to see her like that. She was the most beautiful person she knew, inside and out, and she didn’t deserve anything less than being happy. “I’m sure he does. How couldn’t he?”

“What if he doesn’t love me?”

“Love will come with time,” Nina walked up to her to take her hands in hers with a reassuring smile. “Everything will turn out for the best. You have to believe that.”

She felt relieved as Agnese nodded, worry starting to fade from her expression. Truth be told, even Nina didn’t fully believe her own words. She couldn’t be sure that Tommy would grow to love her cousin, nor that they would have a happy marriage; she couldn’t be sure that the war that would follow with Sabini would end well for them. But she said what Agnese needed to hear, because she didn’t have the heart to to make her fears seem even more real.

“Thank you, Nina.” Agnese whispered, wrapping her arms around her. When Nina awkwardly returned the embrace, patting her on the back, her cousin couldn’t hold back a chuckle. It was no secret that Nina wasn’t big on physical affection, but for a few selected people - that she didn’t have the courage to push away - she brought herself to tolerate it. At least she tried.

“I need to help my mum with lunch,” the brown-haired girl said, breaking the hug to grab the basket full of dry clothes. “She’ll have my head if I don’t.”

“You’d better go, then.”

As Agnese walked back to her house, Nina finished hanging the laundry, humming a little song to herself. She tried to keep her mind busy with futile thoughts, like what Winston might be doing in that moment, what she would eat for lunch, which book she would start to read after finishing the one she was currently reading. She thought about anything and everything in order to keep her mind off Tommy, Agnese and their departure, off her father and what he had told her that day in his study, off the uncertainty about how her life would turn out. It was a nice day, and she didn’t want to plague herself with such worries. However, in the back of her mind, all of that was still present, poisoning even the nicest of thoughts.

When she turned around, the figure of a man leaning against the wall of the house made her flinch. Stefano Spinietta was standing there in silence, observing her, and she had to fight the urge to ask him how long he had been staring at her. “What are you doing here?” She frowned, collecting herself.

“Business meeting. Your father gave me permission to spend some time with you, while he talks with mine,” he explained, pushing himself away from the wall.

A scowl formed on Nina’s face, and a new wave of irritation ran through her, this time directed at her father. All that speech about him wanting her to make the decision for herself was, indeed, just speech. Words he had said to keep her nice and quiet as he indirectly pushed her down the path he had charted for her. “What makes you think I want to spend time with you?”

Stefano’s lips curled in his ever-present grin, as if he found great amusement in her reactions. But that was exactly the point, to some extent. It had become a game to him, some sort of dark, twisted game. The more she rejected him, the more stubborn he became. Something that had started years ago as a mere interest, had slowly taken a different turn. He wanted her, he had been wanting her since she had drawn a knife at his throat. She was carved under his skin just like the scar her blade had left on his neck. There was something about her. Maybe it was her defiance, her refusal to bend, to mould herself into what she should be. He could make her. He could smother the flames of her fierceness and turn her into a quiet pretty thing. “Why do you always have to be so hostile?” He asked her, squinting his eyes.

His question made Nina’s annoyance grow even more. As if he had no clue of how much he had pestered her all those years. Now he had the courage to act all innocent, to play the part of the nice, polite guy who was just courting a girl he liked. He might’ve fooled everyone with that act, but he had never fooled her. “You asked my father his blessing to marry me.” She snapped, taking some steps in his direction. “Did you really think he’d say yes?”

“He never said no.”

“I did.”

Silence fell between them as they stared at each other, once again refusing to be the first to cave in. But this time it didn’t take Nina any effort to keep her eyes on him. She wasn’t a naive seventeen-year-old anymore. Now she knew what it was that he wanted from her. And his gaze didn’t intimidate her anymore.

“Listen to me, Stefano, and listen to me carefully, because I’m not going to repeat myself,” she said in a low voice, coming even closer to him. “You disgust me. You and all your kind,” she spelled out, making sure to emphasise each word. “And I’d much rather jump in front of a train than marrying you.”

Stefano didn’t say anything, at first. He just clenched his jaw, and his hands balled into fists by his side. Then he broke into a half-smile, one that didn’t reach his eyes, trying not to let his wounded ego show. “I’ve been nice to you, and yet you keep on insulting me.”

This time it was him who got closer, towering over Nina. His eyes darkened, and he looked at her with such contempt that for a moment she had the impression he might hit her. With a quick, sudden movement, he grasped her jaw, and before she had the time to react, he turned to push her against the wall. She looked up at him, trying not to show an ounce of fear as her heart increased its speed.

“My patience has limits. And you shouldn’t forget who you’re talking to,” Stefano gritted out through clenched teeth, digging his fingers in her cheeks. His whole body shook with anger, and the mask of politeness he always hid behind began to fall apart. “You’re playing with fire.”

The same uncontrollable rage that years ago gave Nina the courage to point a knife at him now gave her the strength to stomp on his foot, making him hiss and take a step back. Taking advantage of his distraction, she darted forward, but as soon as he tried to escape, Stefano forcefully slammed her against the wall again, holding her in place by the throat. A sharp sting of pain flashed through her spine at the impact with the cold surface, and a whimper escaped her lips as the air was knocked out of her lungs. Fury flared in Stefano’s dark eyes, but then something changed in his expression. His pupils dilated, and he seemed to lose any kind of control over his actions as his hand left her throat to slowly wander down her body.

An overwhelming sense of panic started to rise inside Nina. She wriggled, trying to free herself from his grasp. “Stop,” she raised her voice, but Stefano promptly covered her mouth with the other hand, pressing his body against hers. She squeezed her eyelids shut when his hand became more insistent, squeezing her small breast in a painful hold, then travelling down to her hipbone to keep her still with bruising force. His hot breath burned on her skin as he leaned over her, bringing his face closer to hers. Nina tried to turn her head in response, but the hand he still had on her mouth wouldn’t allow it. She emitted a muffled sound, bringing her hands to his chest to push him away, but he was too strong, and twice her size. All her desperate efforts to put some space between them were useless. He was a rabid animal, a wild beast devoid of any rational thinking as he ground against her, trying to slide his filthy hand under her skirt. Nina’s face scrunched in disgust, and her whole body stiffened under this touch. A whirlwind of thoughts swirled around in her head, endless, confusing, as if she couldn’t exactly register what was happening.

Then he stopped. Much to Nina’s surprise, Stefano suddenly seemed to come to himself, and he took his hand off her mouth. But there wasn’t a hint of guilt, or regret, in his eyes. On the contrary, he looked almost satisfied. And then she realised. He had been in command of his actions the whole time. “What, you don’t talk anymore?” He asked provocatively.

Nina’s wide eyes rested on Stefano in shock. The lump in her throat kept on growing and growing, making it impossible for her to utter a single sentence. She swallowed, trying to regain some kind of control over her emotions, to force herself to speak, and when she did, she faked a confident tone. However, the trembling in her voice betrayed her fear. “Once my family hears about this, you’ll-”

“I didn’t do anything you didn’t want, love,” he interrupted her, furrowing his brows, his face assuming a perplexed expression.

“What…” she batted her eyelashes in confusion, her voice barely above a whisper. “No, I didn’t...” the words died in her throat as the awareness of his implications started to set in.

Stefano leaned in, bringing his hand to her cheek to caress it with fake tenderness, and a terrible smile made its way on his face. “Who do you think they’ll believe?”

Nina shook her head, a feeling of helplessness she had never felt before taking over her. She just wanted him to leave. She wanted him to take his hands off of her. She wanted to kick him, to scream at him, to dig her nails in his face deeply enough to make him bleed, and yet all she could do was look at him in silence.

But then someone must’ve heard her prayers, because Stefano was abruptly pulled away from her. It was as if some kind of supernatural gust of wind had ripped him away from her body, freeing her from the heavy weight that had her pressed against the stone surface. Except that it wasn’t some supernatural force. The person who had grabbed Stefano by the collar of his shirt was very much human.

“The fuck are you doing?” Tommy growled, his knuckles turning white from the tight grip he had on the man. Stefano, not understanding a word he had said, just raised his hands, as if to show that he meant no harm.

Tommy had recognised the guy. He was the one they had met two weeks ago in the city, the one who had given him a bad feeling as soon as they had met. He couldn’t explain the pure rage he had felt when he caught him holding Nina against a wall. Her scared, helpless expression was all it took for him to see red and launch at the Italian man. The thought of what could’ve happened if the meeting with the Ferrantes and the Spiniettas had finished just a bit too late made his skin crawl. Still holding him by the collar, Tommy raised his fist, driven by the sudden urge to break his nose, but before he could land the blow, Nina’s voice stopped him.

“Don’t!” She exclaimed, causing him to look in her direction. “He’s Spinietta’s son,” she frantically explained, getting a bit closer, but still keeping herself at safe distance.

Tommy shifted his eyes on the Italian man again, his fist still in the air, and pondered for a few seconds. Although Stefano couldn’t understand Nina’s words, he probably had a vague idea of what she had said, because the corners of his lips tugged upwards as he stared at Tommy steadily. Nina held her breath, her heart skipping a beat at the Italian’s implicit provocation. Tommy was really close to doing something that might put him in a dangerous situation, and it seemed like Stefano was doing everything in his power to encourage him. It was part of his fun, of his sick little game.

Feeling his hands itch even more, Tommy charged again, nostrils flaring, almost letting his impulse win. Fuck Spinietta, he thought to himself. But he was not in Small Heath. Begrudgingly, he lowered his hand and let the guy go with a violent push, making him stumble backwards. “Fuck off,” he snarled, pointing towards the path that led to the main garden to get his message across.

Nina sighed in relief, and she wasn’t sure whether it was because Tommy had made the right choice, or because that situation was over. Stefano took the time to straighten his shirt with unsettling composure. Without saying another word and keeping on watching them, he walked past them, his wicked eyes shining with amusement.

The adrenaline started to wear off, leaving Nina in a growing state of dizziness. The panic, the disgust, the anger. All of that became a single, indistinct mass aiming to engulf her and suffocate her. Her ears started to ring, and she had to fight the instinct to cover them and scream at the top of her lungs.

“Are you alright?” Tommy’s voice came to her ears, snapping her out of her trance.

“Yes.” She nodded, blinking a few times. Now aware of her surroundings, she felt as if she was re-entering her body after rising out of it, and the reality of what had happened was crashing on her. Bile raised in her throat, and she knew that if she had had something in her stomach, she would’ve thrown up. “Yes I’m alright.”

“Nina, you’re shaking,” Tommy noted with a hint of worry in his voice, his own heart still racing in his chest.

“No, no I’m fine,” she insisted, turning her face to hide the tears welling up in her eyes. She tightly crossed her arms over her chest, hoping that her hands would stop trembling. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine.” He shook his head, tentatively reaching out to hear. He was approaching her slowly, almost with apprehension, with his palm open, like one would do with a scared stray cat. “Come here.”

Nina hesitated for a while, torn between what she needed and what she was supposed to do, instinct and reason endlessly fighting. For once, she chose to act without thinking. Cautiously, she pulled Tommy into a hug, resting her head against his chest. Hit by an implacable wave of tenderness, he gently wrapped his arms around her, placing his chin on the top of her head. It didn’t make sense, but having her safe in his arms brought him a sense of calmness and security, and his tense body began to relax.

The warmth of his body, his scent, the reassuring sound of his heartbeat, the unfamiliar softness he was showing her; the combination between all of that gave life to a feeling Nina had never felt before, and she couldn’t put a name to it. Between all of that, she was relieved by the awareness that, at least for that moment, she didn’t need to be strong. Tears began to spill out, and her facade fell for the first time.

When a suffocated sob escaped her lips, shaking her slender shoulders, Tommy’s heart painfully clenched in his chest. His hand found the back of her head, and he started to soothingly run his fingers through her soft dark hair. He wanted to say something, but he knew that there was nothing he could say that would make it better. So he held her tighter, as if he could shield her from harm with the sole strength of his arms.

“Breathe, love,” he whispered when he noticed that, in an attempt to hold back her sobs, she had tensed up a bit too much. “Breathe.”

Nina took a deep breath, focusing on Tommy’s deep voice and the delicate motion of his fingers through her hair.

“There you go,” he murmured encouragingly, feeling her calm down against him. She sniffled, snuggling even closer, and, once again, Tommy was overwhelmed by the need to protect her.

They couldn’t care less if someone saw them. In that moment, their embrace was the only thing that mattered.

Laying on her side with her knees drawn up, Nina stared at the shadows created by the small lamp on her bedside table. She could still feel the heaviness of Stefano’s hands on her, the burning of his hot breath on her skin, the suffocating smell of his cologne. She only wanted to get rid of those hands, that breath, that smell. She would gladly rip off her whole skin if it meant to forget.

She hated herself for allowing him to make her feel small, weak, for he had made it quite clear that was what he wanted. Because even though for a moment he had indulged in the temptation, he wouldn’t actually dare go through with it, not in her house. His purpose was to show her that he could overpower her at any time.

But then came feeling of being wrapped in Tommy’s arms, of being pressed against his strong frame, the feeling she had been desperately trying to give a name to. Until it occurred to her. Safe. She had felt safe.

A soft knock on the door of her bedroom pulled her out of the vortex of thoughts. She sat up on the bed, crossing her legs beneath her. “Come in,” she said, but her voice was so feeble that she doubted the person on the other side had heard her. Still, the door opened, and in the dim, warm light, Tommy’s figure appeared on the doorstep.

He had never been in her room, but somehow it was exactly like he had imagined it. Ivory-coloured walls covered in a pattern of small flowers, dark wooden furniture, lace curtains. Handwritten sheets of paper scattered all over the desk, along with pens and pencils. It was bit messy and full of books, and it smelled like her. A mixture of lavender and honey.

When that night Tommy had come out of his room, the first thing he noticed was the unsettling silence. No rattle of pots coming from downstairs. But a half-light shone through Nina’s bedroom door, and he found himself desperately needing to know how she was. She had been avoiding everyone the whole day.

“I just wanted to check up on you,” his deep voice came out in a low sound, and it held some kind of uncertainty. He wasn’t sure that going to her had been a good idea. Maybe she didn’t want to see him, maybe knocking on her door was too much.

His doubts faded when the ghost of a smile formed on her face, and she motioned for him to come in. He carefully closed the door behind him, then went to sit on the edge of the bed, keeping his distance. A vice-like grip held his stomach when he noticed her puffy eyes and red cheeks. How many times had she cried?

“You’re paler than usual,” Nina teased him to ease the tension, but her voice didn’t hold the bantering tone he had grown used to hear. “You should get some sleep.”

Tommy half-smiled, shifting his gaze on the floor for a moment. But instead of spitting out a retort - contrary to Nina’s expectations - he just nodded. “You’re right,” he conceded.

A sigh escaped Nina’s lips, and she nervously fiddled with her own fingers. He was walking on eggshells, and she didn’t like it, not even a bit. “Please, stop treating me like that.”

“Like what?” He furrowed, looking at her again.

“Like I might break at any moment.”

Tommy said nothing. He could see why she didn’t want to be treated any differently, but she did look like she would break. Not once had she shown a single shred of vulnerability until that day, and it was disarming. Truth was, he didn’t know how to act.

“I’ll forget it ever happened,” she spoke again, this time with resolution, but she didn’t sound fully convinced of what she was saying. “And you should do the same. No one can know about it.”

“You should tell-”

“No,” she firmly interrupted him, Stefano’s veiled threat still echoing in her ears. “I can’t,” she continued, her voice becoming softer.

Tommy suddenly remembered what she told him a week earlier at the beach, and everything became clear. It was all it took to make his blood boil again. The room went quiet, but the silence was soon broken by a faint rustle of sheets, as Nina left her spot to sit closer to him. Honey and lavender filled his nostrils, and he had to restrain himself from inhaling deeply, eager to feel more. More than the light brushing of their arms, separated by the thin fabric of his undershirt. They were barely touching, and yet his skin burned. As hard as he tried to suffocate that feeling, to extinguish that fire, the flames kept on flaring, higher than before. He couldn’t fight it. She placed a hand on his shoulder, and that feather-like contact was enough to send sparks of electricity through his body. “Promise me,” she whispered, “you won’t tell anyone.”

Tommy turned to look at her, and the proximity allowed him to spot a small scratch on her cheek. Without thinking, he delicately ran his finger on it, and he was almost surprised by the feeling of her soft skin under his rough hand. Slowly, even hesitantly, his hand went to cup the side of her face, and he gently rubbed his thumb along her cheek. “I promise.”

Tommy’s hoarse voice, along with the warmth of his hand, sent shivers down Nina’s spine, and her pulse started to race. She couldn’t explain how the closeness of his strong body was making her feel, nor the effect his masculine scent had on her. Aftershave, cigarettes, and a hint of musk. And she couldn’t help but wonder: if she pressed further into him, if she let herself be held by him again, would it lift the weight off her chest? Would it take away the pain, the revulsion, the shame? Would his touch be enough to replace Stefano’s hands?

When he felt Nina unconsciously get closer, Tommy closed his eyes, drowning in her scent, and he could swear there was fire running through his veins. It was as if some unknown force was pulling him towards her, drawing him nearer, and when her soft lips brushed against his, his mind went blank. Every cell in his body was begging him to give in.

No. It wasn’t right.

Nina was vulnerable, too vulnerable, and probably unable to make any conscious decisions. He couldn’t take advantage of her like that. It took all his strength to move away and bring her in to press a kiss on her forehead instead. He lingered there for a few seconds, savouring the moment. When he let his hand fall from her face, the warmth left him, and it seemed to him that his fingers had sharply gotten cold.

Feeling her confused eyes following him, Tommy got up and walked to the door, ignoring the invisible string that was pulling him in the opposite direction. He couldn’t stay in that room any longer. If he did, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to restrain himself.

“Goodnight, Nina.”

NEXT PART

Tag list: @iamngoclinh08 @lilywinchesterlove @fandom-puff @capitanostella @caelys @lucillethings @peakyxtommy @queenofkings1212 @lyarr24 @kmc1989 @call-sign-shark @jomarch-wannabe

Heart, Body and Soul tag list: list: @zablife @queenofshinigamis @raincoffeeandfandoms @call-sign-shark @kmc1989 @babayaga67 @kmhappybunny240 @diorrfairy @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @gaslysainz @brummiereader

Tommy Shelby tag list: @50svibes

#peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinders fics #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby x oc

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sockiestupidity · 10 months

Text

Eating Habits-Miguel O'Hara x platonic!teen reader

sequel to my last fic???-am i fr going to make this a series👁️👁️

Miguel notices a change in your eating patterns😧

warnings-bad writing/grammar/dialogue, angst, bad eating patterns, possible ed???, ooc miguel???, implied abuse/neglect (reader has bad eating patterns bc of fam), might be triggering for some, dw they end up happy again i promise, the word mijo is used like once???

again implied nonverbal reader (nonverbal rep bc i said so🫡) making this up as i go tbh-reader may use aac or communication cards

autistic coded reader????

AGAIN, ENGLISH MAY BE MY FIRST LANGUAGE BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT IM GOOD AT IT(AGAIN, JUST MAKE THIS CLEAR, I AM INDEED A NO SABO KID🥴)

povs may possibly change at times-lowercase intented as usual🤩(possibly no use of y/n in this one🤷‍♂️) IM SO TEHE AB THIS MAN (AND SPOT BUT WE DONT TALK AB THAT) sorry for all the warnings, just wanna make sure yall know what to expect

over time, you and miguel had.. unexpectedly started to bond more and more, which surprised a lot of spiders. the two of you were both equally closed off, but even then miguel had interacted with more spider people than you had. since your arrival, miguel had been the only spider person you had interacted with due to your mistrust.

most of the spiders had decided to simply not acknowledge your new friendship with miguel..simply because miguel had scared them off for you.

with you and miguel forming a new bond, he started to notice something about you..

while you enjoyed all types of cooking and baking, you never really ate much. miguel had chosen not to acknowledge it because he thought you just had a smaller appetite than most spiders, and he also thought his judgement was just clouded due to the fact that he had to eat more than most spiders did.

maybe your portions just looked small because of his size? he glazed over the thought, but it didn't make much sense, he ignored until..

your eating habits became worse, he had now come to the realization when he decided to treat you to a hamburger and you only ate a couple of fries..days later he noticed that when you had cooked something for the rest of the spiders, you hadn't plated any food for yourself. he felt a heavy pang in his heart, he knew the signs, because he would often neglet his humger needs due to his work.

when he brought up his concern that you were not giving yourself food you simply pulled out your cards, flipping to a card that said "no" and another that said "hungry". (A/N-i refuse to believe that reader would have "not" on their card bc "no" is way more conventional so pls dont come at more for this)

miguel heavily sighed, if course he didn't believe you, he could see the fear and sadness in your eyes. when he saw that look, he knew he had to do something.

a couple days had passed and you had stopped cooking and baking all together. you were simply just sitting on a couch that was placed in the HQ living quarters for everyone to use when suddenly you saw a large figure in your peripheral vision. you instantly knew that it was miguel. (A/N: MANS LITERALLY WEARS HIS SUIT EVERYWHERE OK?😭)

once he was in front of you, you decided to look up to him, furrowing your eyebrows to indicate your confusion. he wore an expression that you still were not used to identifying.

sympathy.

he pinched the brige of his nose, this was going to be harder than he thought, "we have to talk, mijo".

you pulled out your phone, getting your acc app ready incase if you need to respond to whatever he was about to announce. trying to do so calmly, as to not make him worry.

you gave him a nod, as to let him know that you were listening. he moved in order to sit next to you on the couch, his weight making a significant shift on the cushions.

"i need you to look at me alright? you don't even have to give me eye contact" he didn't want to pressure you, because he knew how much stress eye contact gave you at times.

you looked in his direction and tilted your body towards him.

he took another deep breath in and out before saying, "i noticed that you've been.. eating less, i mean, eating less than you usually eat.." he trailed off, he had to think carefully about his next words.

as soon as he said this, you looked away with a pained expression on your face.

he touched your cheek, and you flinched at the movement. "hey, none of that alright? i just want to make sure that everything is fine, mijo. has there been something on your mind recently?" he removed his hand from your cheek, wanting you to be able to fully process everything.

you let out a sigh and clicked one of the words you had preset on your app. "family" the robot voice spoke.

miguel nodded, although he hadn't seen everything that had happened he knew that overall, it wasnt the best situation. there was a pause before the robot voice began to speak again.

"food. bad" miguel's heart broke, and his strong stature had softened. he wanted to hug you, but he wasn't sure if he was overstepping your boundaries.

he carefully thought over his words before speaking, "never let anyone ever tell you that good is bad for you, alright mijo? it gives you strength, and helps you live" he looked right at you, making sure you digested every word he had said. he could see you blinking tears away, but they just continued flowing.

abruptly, you began to hug him. miguel was caught by surprise at this, as you buried your head into his chest. he awkwardly patted you on the back.

"from now on, i'll help you out" he stated. he felt you nod your head in agreement, head still buried in his chest.

from then on miguel made sure to coach you during mealtimes, giving you praise when you started to eat normal portions. (a/n hes channeling his inner sport mom vibes🥰). with miguels help, you started to feel more comfortable treating yourself to small treats, and even eating infront of people without caring what they thought about you.

at this moment you realized that, miguel might be your true family.

A/N: CURRENTLY SOBBING DID NOT MEAN TO MAKE THIS SO SAD IM SO SORRY PEOPLE.

on a realer note:if reader is just like u fr id encourage you to please seek some form of help/support system💞its important that u take care of urself-there are multiple free resources that you can find online just with a simple google search

small explanation ab readers fam: due to neglect, reader was never given a lot of food, and the food they made would be for their fam. and their fam would often shame them when they were allowed to eat (again, if reader is just like u fr, pls seek some sort of help)

also if we could please refrain from using the comment section to trauma dump/nbr (i am not a professional, nor am iequipped to handle other's problems)

#angst #atsv #across the spider verse #angst with a happy ending #sort of #miguel o'hara x gender neutral reader #miguel o'hara #platonic relationships #spiderverse x reader #gn reader #x reader #spider man: across the spider verse #platonic reader #running out of tags #again #hope u like it #<3 #teen reader

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the-wiggler · 19 days

Text

I hope we kiss goodnight, it might just end my life

phyiscally cannot stop thinking about elliot and sunshine and im projecting bad in this fic but shhhh im allowed to.

sypnosis: sunshine cant sleep, except when elliot is around. [title is from Kiss Goodnight by IDKHOW]

word count: 1.1k

Their eyes slowly fluttered open, blue morning light washing over their room, tinting everything in the same hue. They were facing the ceiling now, their blanket tangled between their legs. 6 am. Their eyes fluttered shut, a weary sigh filling the empty room. That was what…2 hours of sleep? It’s better this way. Force themselves to sleep later, the self-induced insomnia meant that their brain prioritises deep sleep over REM, the dream-having sleep phase. That was what their therapist said anyway. Less sleep means less REM means less dreams means less nightmares.

Sure, it was an “unhealthy” coping mechanism, with its “averse” side effects, and a method their therapist “highly discouraged”. But if it meant fewer nightmares, Sunshine would brave the sluggishness, the irritation, the occasional nausea and the concerned looks from their friends.

Like now, as they sat on the worn, soft couch of Elliot’s apartment. Sinking into the worse-for-wear leather, scratched and faded in a way that perfectly matched Elliot’s second-hand-vintage-found-on-the-side-of-the-road-borderline-trash-esque design choices, they avoided the watchful gaze of their friend and hoped that their concealer had done a good enough job to cover their eyebags.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, because I think you look amazing as you are, Sunshine,” He chuckled, settling down next to them, “But, uh, you’re looking a little….worse for wear.”

Ok so maybe the concealer wasn’t doing the best job.

They waved their hand dismissively, making up some excuse about jobs, life, busy this, busy that, no time to rest. It came easily now. Lying, that is. And it wasn’t really a lie, they had filled and jam-packed their schedule full of random events to avoid a moment of rest, should they accidentally slip back into the ever-inviting embrace of sleep.

Not good enough for Elliot, though. As they watched his brow furrow in a way that made them want to instinctively smooth out, they racked their brain to reassure Elliot. There was, after all, no need to pile on more shit to Elliot’s plate.

“I’ve just been having trouble sleeping is all,” They reassured him quickly, “Nothing to worry about, I got some melatonin pills and it’s just taking some time to get used to.”

He conceded with one last concerned look, before turning his attention to the TV. “Alright, so, I was thinking for tonight, we could watch…The Tunnel? Or….Final Prayer?”

Now it was their turn to quirk an eyebrow. “You want to watch a horror movie? Mr. Never Watched FNAF, Mr. Scared of the Babadook, Mr-”

“Ok listen, I think we both know that the 4th FNAF game is genuinely horrifying. And, well, no, I’d much rather watch an actually feel-good movie. But if my bestest friend of all time has been raving about how wonderful this movie is, and has been feeling down, I will concede and watch whatever mind-fucky content you so eagerly consume as a coping mechanism. I’m simply fulfilling my best friend duties. No matter how messed up it is. And I will ignore how the fact that you watch horror movies as a coping mechanism is a major red flag and possibly a sign of a budding serial killer. Because I’m such a good friend. The best, even. ”

They scoff indignantly, “Ok, yeah I’m the serial killer. Says the one whose forever excuse is Sorry, was burying the bodies.”

It always starts like this. As Elliot loads up the movie, they make sure to maintain a completely platonic distance between them, two friends sitting on a couch, five feet apart because they are not pining for their ridiculously attractive, soft-hearted best friend. Elliot scoots closer, the leather dipping under his weight, forming a crater around them, cocooning them together, pushing Elliot closer to them. They feign annoyance as Elliot shoots a mischievous look at them. “Oh don’t think you’re getting away scot-free, Sunshine. I might be sacrificing several nights of sleep to cheer you up, but you’re going to be my human shield tonight. Trade-offs.”

Despite this, he wraps an arm around them, the dip of the couch pushing them snugly into his side. Who’s protecting who, Elliot? Regardless, they lean into his touch, his hand gently moving up and down their arm.

They blink.

The blanket around them definitely did not belong to them, but smelled familiarly comforting in a way that broke down all of Sunshine’s defences. Half asleep and not fully cognizant of their surroundings, they push themself deeper into the blanket burrow around them, instinctually chasing the fuzzy feeling of slowly waking up in the morning after a good, solid, rejuvenated night of sleep.

“Morning sleepyhead.” A familiarly husky voice; and the words don’t register, nothing but the groggy understanding that this voice emanated safety, understanding, and protection pulled Sunshine out of their dazed state. They push themselves up, rubbing their eyes to see Elliot standing there, morning hair unruly, beaming down at them. “You zonked out last night on my couch.”

Too groggy to come up with a retort, they lean into him as he sits next to them. He makes a noise of surprise, but otherwise lifts his arm to allow them to press into his side. “You’re oddly snuggly Sunshine,” He chuckles, pulling them closer, “And you fall asleep every time we hang out, am I that boring?” They half-heartedly slap his chest, feeling his chuckles reverberate through them. They sit there, in silence, simply enjoying the slow mornin in each others presence before Elliot clears his throat awkwardly.

“Anyways, uh, how was your sleep last night?”

“Good,” They mumble, “Slept well.” No nightmares, no dreams at all, actually rested. Better than they had all month

“That’s uh-that’s good.”

“Only ever sleep well when you’re around.” Still sleep-addled and fueled by the simple wants of the heart, they bring their arms to wrap around his torso, mumbling sleepily against his chest, “Maybe you’re magic.”

As they drift off back into a dreamless sleep, Elliot’s hands move to pull them in closer. Pressing a kiss to the crown of their head, he whispers, his voice impossibly soft, yearning dripping from his words, “Just for you, Sunshine.”

#redacted elliot #elliot redacted #redacted asmr #redacted audio #the balance redacted #no. 1 fan of reuniting elliot and sunshine PLEASE #fuck wlse do u tag lmfaoooo #silly writing stuff: redacted edition #yapping about elliot #my humble offerings

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wh0refornikolailantsov · 10 months

Note

omfg I loved "Almosts" for Tolya - could we see a part 2? like more of the aftermath? also Zoya is a queen and I adore her

Zoya is a Queen and we all bow to Queen Zoya in this house my WIFE. But also, thank you and I aim to please so

Almosts (Part 2) - Tolya Yul Bataar

Grisha Reader, Order Unspecified.

Trigger Warning On This One Pals.

Content Warnings: Discussions Of Self Sacrifice And Prisoner Mentality. Discussions Of Torture, Severe Harm And Death. Canon Complaint Death And Violence. Kidnapping. Explicit Language. Not Beta/Proof Read.

Part 1

Nina gives you just as much as a talking to, but she understands it, more vibrantly than Zoya, having been more close to what you have, it is easier to understand your position. It's Tolya that you know will get you.

You know that he knows why you... but it didn't matter. Not right now. Right now, those soft eyes look like they could cut right through you. You know you will break under the weight of his concern.

So when you are finally alone with him, having had every healer from here to the coastline check you over and say you're physically okay, you aren't sure where to start.

"Tolya," you say, softer than you thought it would come out, still not able to knock the pleaing feeling from using his name. The thoughts of how many times you said it to yourself, in the quiet, like it might be the last thing you heard. Him. His name. The thought of him coming for you. That was all that stood between the torture and your breaking point.

You kept his name to your chest like a prayer, like saying it could save you, and part of you believes it did. He would've come for you in silence, he would've come for you if you hadn't wished for it, he would've come for you if you'd given up, given in. It would've have mattered to him. But you didn't, you couldn't, you would have rather died than given him up and that knowledge is ringing out like bells in the silence.

"You knew I would come for you, right?" he asks again, as if he doubted your answer the first time, like it was possible it was in the haze.

"I never doubted you Tolya, not for a moment, it was never if, only when," you assure him.

You don't want to think about if he had been much later, even moments later. What you would have left him to find, and what that would've meant. How you could never have explained your choice to him, how you would have never gotten the chance to tell him you held out the time you did, for him, to protect him. To protect your family here.

"And I didn't know if it would be in time," you admit.

"They wouldn't have killed you," Zoya says eavesdropping from the doorway.

"You know that's not what I mean," you eye her, "not in time to stop me saying something I can't take back."

Zoya looks fit to start a whirlwind in the room but Tolya gives her a glance, "can you be anywhere else right now?" he asks her, the tiredness not unfamiliar but lacking his usual wit and charm at getting on Zoya's nerves.

Zoya seems reluctant to leave you alone for any long period of time, it feels strange, you hadn't ever considered her being particularly protective over you, but maybe in hindsight she always has been, like with Nina, or maybe recent events has brought it out in here. But she leaves with an iciness around her, entrusting your safety to Tolya, in truth no one has ever made you feel safer than he does.

You don't say anything for a while, until you lean into him, letting the exhaustion move through you until his strength is all that is keeping you up, he becomes the pillar you lean on. He rests his arm around you, his spare hand moving to hold yours, running his thumb over your palm in small circles.

"I didn't mean to scare you," you tell him.

"I understand the position you were in," he whispers softly against your hair as he rests his head atop of yours, "but I meant what I said."

You don't ask him what, you don't need some clarification on what he means, because you know. You could not forgot those words and there are no other things he could possibly mean in this moment.

"Then betray me," he had, and if your heart had made a sound you doubted either of you could've heard it over the ringing of his words, "if it keeps you safe, it keeps you from harm, betray me, always betray me. I can forgive betrayal, but I cannot forgive the loss of you. I could overcome betrayal, but I can not overcome the loss of you."

"Tolya, I couldn't live with betraying you," you say, wishing you had a better answer, a softer resolve, but you have nothing to offer him except the truth.

"Losing you would've been the betrayal," he says, "and I do not say that to put guilt on your conscience but just for you to know that there is no way that you could betray me, no thing you could say, no secrets you could offer up, that would be worse than knowing you are in harms way because you think that better than telling things that are not yours to tell." You held out as well because the knowledge you had was keeping you safe as you were getting, and that was a tactic for survival as much as for loyalty, but the pull of protecting your friends, of protecting Tolya, that had been the strength that kept answers from your lips and you all know that well enough.

"You want me to promise you that I will betray you next time?" you ask. He shakes his head, a soft exhale leaving his lips.

"No, I want it to never happen, I want no next time," he tells you, "but that is not a thing I can have bound in a promise."

"I promise to try and not get kidnapped," you offer, trying to lighten the mood and sway the sadness out of his posture, "and if I do... Saints forbid, I'll do everything I can to give myself the time for you to reach me, I promise you that Tolya."

"I couldn't ask for more."

Tolya is asleep, and you are barely still awake, lain against his shoulder, you are slightly stirred by the sound of something touching the table to the side of you. You open one eye to see Zoya. You shuffle slightly and notice the blanket covering you both, that must've been Tamar, so you figure you dozed off listening to Tolya's heart at some point.

It's dark in the room, a slither of moonlight letting you make out Zoya's expression. "I had a durast make the adjustments," she tells you, "it's a promise, the same as before, but a different one."

You don't let Zoya get as far as the door before you grab the object from the table, it's the same metal she had taken off you when she rescued you, that slither of a blade meant as a promise to give up before you give in. But it's all different now, twisted and woven into a wrist cuff.

"Thank you Zoya," you tell her. Her back is turn to you, so you don't see that faint smile dance over her lips.

"Please, let's not get sentimental."

#shadow and bone #grishaverse #tolya yul bataar #tolya #tolya x reader #tolya my darling i adore you

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welcometojackass2022 · 7 months

Text

M (the boy) and I got dinner again yesterday and it was LOVELY so here’s an update now that it seems he may actually have feelings for me and is just incredibly scared because he’s never had a relationship before and might be scared of ruining our friendship:

Okay so first off, he doesn’t wanna risk making me go somewhere I don’t like so even when I tell him to pick he’ll still say three or four places and make me pick the one we actually go to. This time I picked a restaurant on our campus and we went there around 7:30! There was a big crowd and he was all nervous so we ordered online, got a table, I grabbed our food for both of us and then when we were filling our drinks and getting ketchup he clung to me like a kid clinging to his mom LMAO. He looked so lost when I went back to our table before he’d grabbed his ketchup. Anyway we sat at the table and talked until 10ish and it was a VERY good time. The energy felt different than usual, like we were closer and more intimate than before and neither of us felt the need to tone ourselves down. One thing about him that really came out yesterday is how unbelievably protective and worried he can get. I mentioned I have a tendency to get dizzy easily and have been exhausted a lot lately and he got concerned and googled anemia symptoms. Turns out I have all but 2 of the main symptoms. At that point he basically BEGGED me to start taking iron supplements and when I made a joke about not wanting to spend money he very sincerely said he’d happily pay for them himself if they’d make me feel better. (I ended up getting them today and he was happy I did!) he was also concerned cuz I’ve lost a lot of weight recently, and because I threw up Saturday morning from nausea due to not eating much the previous days.

He also gets worried for me in emotional ways. I was talking about an ex-friend of mine who’s a guy. M already dislikes this guy cuz he knows he treated me pretty bad and yesterday he really went in on him, saying nothing would ever make him like that guy in the slightest because of how disgusted he is about how he treated me and said how much of a piece of shit that guy is for trying to project a certain image onto me and for lovebombing me and then getting pissed when I just wanted to be friends. It was nice to hear. M’s the only guy who’s never objectified me or made me uncomfortable or insulted me/was mean to me as a “joke”. We discussed childhood hospital visits, us wanting to potentially go on a trip together some time, and how we both want to marry someone who has goals in life and actually wants to do something meaningful. He also complimented my writing skills cuz he knows I want to pursue writing as a career.

Interestingly enough, yesterday was also the first time I’ve ever heard him make dirty jokes! I had mentioned that me and one of my friends love dirty jokes, and after I said that he made a few. One about getting his cherry popped (not literally, he’s more of a Virgin than I am and that’s saying something), one about people who like to be choked, and at one point he said “pussy” which shocked me cuz he won’t even say boobs, he says breasts. It was hilarious, and it was nice to see him be less serious with me than he is with most. I also mentioned that I “test” men to see if they have bad tempers or not, and he asked if I’d ever tested him and sincerely wanted to know if he’d ever done anything to make me worried he had a temper. I told him no, he’s never done anything to worry me (he hasn’t), and he seemed relieved. He also said he’s never been annoyed or frustrated with me, so that’s good. He has a strangely protective vibe, like he wants to take care of me and keep me safe. I like it.

Anyway, after we left the restaurant around 10pm, we walked back towards my building. He knows I love looking at posters around campus, so he purposefully took me on a path with plenty of posters and stopped to look at them with me. Any time I’d stop to look at bugs or pick up a piece of trash, he’d immediately notice I wasn’t walking with him, turn to look for me, and then patiently watch me do whatever I was doing. Then he’d gently ask “all ready?” And I’d nod and walk back over to him and we’d keep walking. Usually we talk in front of his building, but mine was closer, so we stopped and talked there. We had a really funny conversation about tarot cards and zodiac signs where he made a couple of subtle jokes about tarot cards predicting that the two of us would be together or that he had appeared in my dreams (he actually has). We looked at bugs again and talked about whether we want to have our own rooms as married adults or not. At 10:40 he reminded me that I’d mentioned earlier that I had a paper I still needed to turn in by 11:59 (I’d totally forgotten), and then reminded me to take my medicine when I went back to my room. We hugged (super nice hug, I had on a tank top so there was a lot of skin to skin contact and I think the poor guy was a little hard. Plus I could feel his cheek pressed against my shoulder. Also this was in public so people could see us hugging for ten seconds straight lol), said goodnight, and that was that. Very sweet night. Felt good.

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rexxdjarin · 2 years

Note

Hi it’s me again

I’m here to be a menace

And I’m thinking about HNN reporter!Reader again and about how you and Rex finally DTR

You’ve been hooking up for awhile now. He basically comes over whenever he’s planetside and messages you almost everyday.

But you go out for drinks with some friends one day and they’re talking about how hot the clones are and about how they must get a lot of tail while they’re traveling

And now you’re sort of stressed because you haven’t had the exclusivity talk with Rex yet. So he could totally be hooking up with other people. And that makes your stomach turn. But you’re worried about coming off too clingy bc it’s bitten you in the ass before. What if he’s not looking for anything serious??

MEANWHILE Rex is having the same sort of thoughts. Like the 501st is camped out in a rare moment of respite between campaigns. Someone is bragging about the ladies he’s been messaging and Echo is totally scandalized.

“You’re messaging another girl? What about Zina?”

And the other trooper is like PFFFT we never said we were exclusive 😏

And echo is like 😦

And it’s got Rex thinking. And WORRIED. He’s 100% head over heels for you. This man does not do anything in half measures. And there’s a PIT in his stomach because he knows you turn heads. Every post on space Twitter has a ton of gross dudes hitting on you even if you’re posting about something serious. What if you don’t want him like how he wants you?

HNNReporter!Reader x Rex is quickly becoming one of my very favorite collaborative things ever.

You’re sitting there staring at him, desperately trying not to get all misty eyed and anxious in front of him. You couldn’t possibly scare him, he’s a fucking Captain and a pretty highly decorated one at that. But what you want to ask him could very easily be too much to expect of a man who already has too much weight on his perfectly broad shoulders.

Every time you try to bring it up, the right words just don’t come out. He can tell somethings up and there’s this suspicious look on his face like he might be worried too. Might. With feelings and emotions, any clone is pretty hard to read.

“I- uh- I went out with my friends the other night. Risha went home with Commander Wolffe. You know him, right?” You turned to Rex, studying his body language to try to gauge his reaction. He stiffened and his arm around you slid down to run his knuckles across the back of your shoulder.

He sighed, “Yeah, very well. Why? Something happen?” He tipped his head toward you, look up at you with those pretty brown eyes full of concern.

“N-no. Nothing bad. He just never called her the next day.” I glanced down at my hands in my lap and fiddled with my sleeve. “I guess a lot of clones get around a lot. That’s…what they were saying.”

Rex inched closer, his knuckles along your skin slowly turning into his entire palm resting on your shoulder. “Some do. I guess. Wolffe is…complicated.”

“He’s slept with like at least 5 girls I know. What’s complicated about setting intentions? Being on the same page?” You asked, putting on your journalism hat and immediately prepping yourself to have to grill the man you really, really liked. Just like you’d had to do so many times before with other men you also really, really liked. Before they acted like expecting feelings to be reciprocated was too much to ask.

“Nothing! That’s how it should be…but Wolffe has been through a lot. Lost almost his entire battalion a few years back. That kind of loss sticks with you. It’s hard to shake. So Wolffe doesn’t like being left alone to think about all that. He hooks up with women to fill the void in him that he doesn’t know how to fix.” Rex slid a soothing hand down your arm.

“That’s terrible. I didn’t know.” You whisper turning to look up at Rex and finding him staring off in space, like on some level he understood where Wolffe was coming from.

“I guess picking up girls and hooking up is a way to feel normal. Women are really good listeners. Accepting and comforting.” He laughed softly, flicking his gaze up to give you a pointed look. “Pretty and soft.”

You wanted to pull him close and hug him, kiss his whole face and comfort him like he apparently really appreciated. But you had to know before you fell so hard for him you’d never recover.

“And what about you?” You whisper, your voice trembling the way a HoloNet News Reporter’s never should.

“Me?”

You swallow, forcing yourself to make direct eye contact with him.

“Do you…are you seeing other girls? Anyone else?”

Rex’s eyes widen in surprise. At the worry pinching your brow and the wetness shimmering in your own eyes. Like he can’t believe you were asking him. Like he was as worried about where your relationship stood as you were.

He scoots across the sofa, as close to you as he can get and cups your cheek tenderly.

“No,” he breathes, “I’m all yours. Only yours.”

The way his face scrunches up as he smiles at you and his known inability to lie told you all you needed to know. You exhaled and felt all the anxiety and stress leave you like a dissipating dark cloud.

“Thank the stars above. I-I was so worried you wouldn’t be interested in something serious. And I didn’t know how to ask you without seeming so clingy. That’s happened to me so many times. I really didn’t want to push you away and-”

His lips crashed into yours harshly, the grip he had on your cheek holding you steady as he kissed you so desperately you were sure he was trying to take enough breath out of you to stop your heart from racing. You kissed back, practically whimpering in his mouth as you slipped your tongues together. Your hands holding securely onto the collar of his body glove.

When you pulled away he gave you that trademark tilted smirk that could make you smile on even the dreariest of days. “And here I was worrying that you’d get sick of looking at a face you’ve seen a million times.”

“Rex. How could I get sick of the perfect man?”

He shifted his gaze down to his boots, suddenly getting all bashful like he tended to when he was he heavily complimented. “I dunno. You have every guy in the galaxy falling at your feet to talk to you. You could have anyone you want. I’m just another clone.”

You pulled yourself into his lap and dragged your hands down his chest. “Not to me. You are so much more than that. There’s no one who will ever measure up to you. No one else matters. Let them all wish they could have me. Know that whenever you see me, I’m thinking about you. I’m all yours.”

He leaned his forehead onto mine and tangled his grip in my hair. “So let’s prove it. Show me how much you mean it, mesh’la.”

So you do. Over and over and over again. To the point that Rex is getting some suspicious glances at the purple marks littering his lower jaw and the skin just below his ears. And you’re getting the same look from your makeup artist who has to spend an extra 30 minutes color correcting and covering up every purple hickey and finger shaped bruise scattered across your usually perfect skin.

You ask your makeup artist to leave just one slightly visible on the side of your neck, so that the next time Rex watches HNN with his men they’ll put two and two together. And Rex can watch as you proudly wear the way he claimed you for the entire galaxy to see. You’re his girl now. You’ve got his bite marks on you to prove it.

#HoloNetNewsReporter!Reader x Captain Rex #B THIS IS MY FAVE COLLAB EVER #captain rex drabble #captain rex x you #captain rex x reader #HNN Reporter girl is me I love her

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loufi8iepuff · 11 months

Text

Cd - Lee Felix (Part 2/3?)

Warnings and/or tropes: Best friends to lovers, Kind of unrequited love?, Mention of food, Written a while ago, not my best work.. Pretty dramatic, (-but feelings are always vallid!! Just depends how you act on them)

Summary: (y/n) is acting weird after she found out that her best friend, Felix is in love with her and he notices. He tries confronting her, but she doesn't say anything. While Felix is trying to figure out what's wrong, (y/n) is slowly developing or discovering feelings.

Word count: 1881

Stray Kids Masterlist - where you will also find my main!

I slam that cd out of my laptop and throw it back. I jump, -or rather katapult myself back onto the bed and barely two seconds later Felix walks in.

He probably looks very confused. I wouldn't know though, because I can't even look him in the eyes right now.

"What happened?"

He sounds genuinely concerned. He thinks I hurt myself. Right!

"I just fell"

Quiet.

"Are you okay, (y/n)?"

Still concerned. That's good, he believes me.

"Yeah, I'm fine"

"You sure? You don't really look fine..."

I don't really feel it either... But he wants to act like nothing happened, so I have to do at least that for him.

"I'm really fine, mother"

"Look at me"

I can't. I try, but I physically can't.

He places a hand on my cheek and guides my head in his direction. He is looking me right in my eyes and I have never felt more nervous. He just stands there and keeps looking me in my eyes. Yep, my heart is gonna explode in about five seconds now. 4..

"Hey, I'm really okay, Felix"

3... 2... And I look away again. I know he doesn't actually believe me, but he'll stop asking.

"How about we go and make the coco and then finish the movie?"

"...Okay"

And we do just that. Then I leave.

As days pass and I feel less and less awkward around Felix, but we both know that something changed. Felix hasn't said anything about yet, but I know he really wants to.

I hate this too, Felix.

Then he asks. I brush past it as quickly as possible.

He asks again and I avoid it again.

He asks again, I avoid it again.

He asks again, and again, and again-

Until I get the call.

I'm sitting comfortably in my bed reading, drinking tea. Peacefully. Quietly

*RING RING RING*

I jump in shock. I have no idea why my phone is so dang loud.

*RING RING RING*

I frantically throw around all of my pillows.

*RING RING RING*

"I SWEAR T- .. oh" And it's on the bedside table.

*RING RING RING*

I hurry over to take the call before I claw my own ears off. It's Felix.

"HI! what's up, fellicia?"

"... hi. (y/n)?"

"..yes...?" I suddenly felt very cold.

"Did you find the Cd?"

Forget cold, I'm now in antarctica.

I'm frozen. literally and metaphorically. The goosebumps spread around my body at an alarming rate and my toes and fingers might just fall off at any second now.

My fingers does. They fall off and with that my phone falls to the ground. The sound of it hitting the ground, sounds like ice breaking.

The ground I'm standing on falls apart -or it's my legs that can't carry the weight anymore. I don't know which.. All I know is that I've fallen into the ice-cold water. Not waist or neck deep, but all the way under. It feels like a million knives stabbing me. I'm suffocating.

I'm overeating.

I am aware of that and I know I don't have the right to. I'm not the one who loves someone who doesn't love me back. I'm not the one who is probably hurting everyday and spends forever being scared that they might figure out my feelings. I'm not the one who has to be terrified of losing my best friend because of some dumb feelings i have no control over.

I couldn't live like that. I can't live without Felix and now I might lose him. Just because I was curious. Just because I had avoided thinking about him like that my whole life. If I hadn't, I might've known. I might have caught feelings for him too and we would have lived happily ever after.

"(y/n)?" It's Felix' voice. Hesitant and quiet.

"y-es?" I manage to mutter.

"Did you?"

I don't want to answer. What if I just died right now? If the cold water around me and in my lungs caused a heart attack? That'd be nice.

But I can't; I have to answer.

"Yes." This time my voice sounded more sure, but it still wasn't much.

"Okay.." 1.. 2.. 3 seconds of silence.

"-Did you listen to it?"

"Yes."

"And that's why you've been ignoring me?" Happiness..? He sounded relieved.

"I didn't ignore you!"

"Avoiding, then." I really didn't!

"No, i-"

"Yeah, whatever (y/n). It doesn't matter... The distance.. between us. It's because of.. that, right?"

"..yeah."

"Oh thank god. I thought i did something that would've made you hate me"

He was relieved? That doesn't make any sense at all. His big secret just got exposed and I'm the one who is freaking out?

"You're not-.. Why-... I-.. I really don't get you, Felix."

"Well.. How would you have wanted me to react?"

I have no idea.

"I don't know? .. I just figured you'd be like.. Scared or shocked or... Mad even?"

"Why would I be mad?" ... Duh, Felix?

"Because I looked through your stuff?"

"Oh, right.. Nah. I bet you feel guilty enough on your own."

Silence. It's my turn to say something, but nothing comes out.

"Hey, it's okay, (y/n). I'm okay. I'm used to it by now. I know you don't feel that way about me. I think I'm actually happy that you know. It feels like a burden has been taken off my shoulder."

It takes me a few seconds, but finally something comes out.

"I'm sorry, Felix"

"It's okay! Do you want to go get ice cream or something? I'm really craving sugar right now. -It's not a date or anything! So no pressure."

He changes the subject, to make me feel better. It feels wrong. It should be the other way around, but I don't think he wants me to comfort him.

Honestly I'm in no mood for ice cream, but i can't say no to him now. Plus, maybe it'll be less awkward now. Maybe things can go back to normal.

"Sure!"

"Let's meet in the park then."

The ice cream shop in the park, behind the big playground. The one we've gone to so many times. Times where I'd blabber on about; First my, then, boyfriend, then my ex and now the latest date i'd been on. It had probably made him feel horrible.

"Sounds good."

I take my shoes on and walk out the door. It's a short walk; the park isn't any more than five minutes away. I enter the park through the rose-filled entry and not even a minute later I can see Felix, standing a few meters from the people waiting in line.

And then he sees me.

He waves at me, with a big smile.

I try to smile too, but it comes out a bit weird. I run, -or speed-walk, over to him and he hugs me. A big hug that lasts a few seconds. Pretty much just like he usually does.

"Ah, I've missed you, (y/n)!" He just looks at me happily. Not a sign of anything else.

"I've missed you too" I really mean that. I smile at him too.

"So what flavor? And I swear if you pick vanilla and chocolate again I am never gonna let you hear the end of it!" -I said. It felt normal. Our interactions. Maybe everything will go back to normal now! I feel a little bit bad, but this was what he wanted, too.

"What's wrong with vanilla and chocolate?!"

"Vanilla; nothing, it's just plain, but chocolate ice cream kinda tastes like shit. Chocolate is great, but the ice cream: No!"

"Cmon! You literally eat "plain" vanilla with raw cookie dough."

"And it's a million times better!"

Felix and I spent the rest of the day together, first we ate our ice cream. Brownie fudge and cookie dough. We walked around the park for a while and then we walked back to his dorm. Then we just sat and talked for hours.

After that we talked everyday and things went back to normal. mostly.

To Felix and everyone else it probably seemed normal, but I keep getting nervous.

I don't know why and it's incredibly unlike me.

I would get it if I just felt guilty at times, but I'm just always nervous.

When he is talking to me, looking at me or just close to me in any way. I get nervous when he calls and texts me. I get nervous everytime i think about him, which lately is a lot.

I feel unsure of myself around him, for the first time in my life.

Maybe I do have a crush on Felix? It just doesn't make sense. If I did, I would know. I've always been so sure of my own feelings.

Maybe I'd been in love with him for years, I was just so used to it that I didn't notice?

No.. Back then, I had feelings for my ex and not much has changed between me and Felix, since then.

Can you have feelings for two people at the same time?

I don't think so..?

How do you even know that you have feelings for someone? What does "having feelings for someone" even mean?

My thoughts keep rambling. For hours. It's late, waaay too late to use my phone, but I still pull it out.

How do I know if I have feelings for someone? :I googled.

I click on the first link.

It's long and takes me forever to read. While I read I take mental notes. What I do and don't do. I do feel nervous around him, I care so much more about his opinion than everyone else's, I think about him a lot, list goes on.. But all of those could just be because he is so important to me.

I don't, -I can't, imagine being with him. -romantically. Or maybe I just haven't?

He would be a good boyfriend. I mean he basically already is. There aren't really that many differences, from our relationship now; to an actual relationship.

I think I've always viewed our friendship as more than any other kind of relationship.

I trust him with my life, I feel safe around him, I love spending time with him.. I love him.

That's how someone would feel about their partner, right? That, just plus the kissing and stuff.

I wouldn't mind kissing him. He has such nice lips. They look soft and... very kissable.

I'd like to kiss him.

You don't think like that about a friend. I wouldn't really want to kiss any of my other friends.

I've always been very attracted to him, haven't I? I've always thought he was the most beautiful person I've ever met. He looks like an angel. I just thought it was simply an observation. A fact. I can't imagine someone not finding him attractive. You just do?

I found him a million times more attractive than everyone I've ever dated. -Which probably isn't a very friendly thought.

I've always known that I love him. -I do.

What's the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone?

Isn't being in love with someone, just loving someone, while being attracted to them?

I love Felix and I'm for sure attracted to him.

I'm in love with Felix. -too.

Gosh. It feels like I'm floating. High up in the sky, looking through the skies down on the place I was laying two seconds ago.

The guilt I've been feeling the last few weeks is gone. Most of it. I still feel a little guilty for not realizing earlier. I don't know when I developed feelings, but it must've been a while ago.

I know now, though.

I know that I'm in love with Felix, too.

I think I want to finish this off better, but if I do it might take a while. Don’t wait on it..(:

Here might be part 3.

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aneenasevla · 2 years

Text

Devil's Food - Chapter 24

MasterList /Ayami’s Profile /Previous

Chapter 24 - Swordswoman

“I am home!” Ayami announces, taking off her shoes after entering “Akito?”

“Welcome” Akito answers, appearing in the hallway. He had his cell phone in his hand. “Hey, Aya, is it ok if I go to my friend’s house this weekend? It's one of the Kenjutsu boys, you know them…”

“Oh, yes, I know” she was even now practicing together with them at the dojo, twice a week “all right. Take your things and be careful, okay? How do you get there?”

“I'll take the subway…”

“Hmmm” she looks at the time on the wall clock “yeah, I think if you go in at most half an hour, you can arrive at a reasonable time. You may go.”

“And you, are you going to be okay?” he approaches. The truth is that he was kind of nervous about leaving the house after all, but since Ayami insisted that everything was fine now, that nothing else was going to happen, he was trying to get on with life, even without their father there. It was a very complicated situation, and they both needed therapy, but in those two months, only he was getting it. Aya needed friends first, and that was what she was looking for. Friends and Defense Training.

“I'll be fine” she concludes “I don't have any commitments this weekend, and the house also needs cleaning…”

“Okay, Thanks, Aya” he smiles, almost jumping “I'll get my things and let the guys know.”

“Call or text me if you need to, okay? And when you arrive there too, please.”

“Okay,” he smiled tenderly. Other brothers would be annoyed, but Akito had had enough experience to understand the value of it “I’ll warn you, yes. I'll even leave the phone charged.”

“Thank you” she entered the house and started to relax.

…

She watched Akito leave the house, until he disappeared from the street, and took the bus to the station. They might already be safe, but being the only family she had now, the feeling of concern was mutual. She went back inside, mostly when she heard the sound of thunder. A summer storm was approaching.

“Yeah, apparently I’m going to have to hang out the laundry on Sunday,” she mutters to herself, “next step: close the windows and make dinner,” and she stretches out in her baggy shirt and short shorts, now a little baggier than usual because of her slight loss of weight due to the exercises, and proceeds to do what he had said. And since she was home alone and had a good day to eat whatever she wanted, she decided to take the day off to take care of herself too. Do what she liked to do too. She had to stop being workaholic, after all, it was one of the things she'd seen that she did a lot. And tomorrow would be Saturday, so it would be a rest day, as the rain would probably last a while.

She lifted her feet and began to dance down the hall, as she went through the rooms of the house to close the windows. She could see the raindrops falling, slowly increasing, but she was in no hurry. She was having fun, forgetting a little about concentration…

You have to be alert to your surroundings… that voice echoed, and she stopped, gripping the porthole of the master bedroom window, the last one of the house. She sighed, closing but not quite, she wanted the air passing a little.

Again… he couldn't get out of her head. But she didn't feel scared, or anxious… just extremely irritated. Was there some kind of trauma like that? She didn't know, but if she booked therapy, maybe she'd find out. She was going to see it next week, after business hours. She had already gotten the first part, after all. Kanami was a great friend, and in those days, she had met two other friends of hers too, so they formed a little group. From time to time they would go out to drink or eat something together. She even received an invitation to attend the Obon festival, but she declined. They sure would take their boyfriends, and as far as she knew, she was single, so she didn't want to be the only one alone. She would celebrate at home, with her brother, or another acquaintance.

She just knew that she didn’t want to be alone. She would find a way.

She sighed. Why is creating friendship so complicated? It shouldn't be.

She left the window and went to take care of dinner. An omelet with vegetables and cheese would do the trick. She took the ingredients and got to work.

She broke the eggs and scrambled, to organize the dough, and was about to fry it when she remembered that she needed to organize the vegetables. She turned off the fire and went to work on it.

You are incredibly inattentive… his voice said in her mind. She snorts.

“I'm not. I'm normal, I was just in the midst of… monsters” he murmurs as he carefully cuts the vegetables “you really are so special that you think you're superior… but you're nothing but assholes… especially…” him.

Yes, indeed, she definitely needed to go to therapy. Assholes were always the hardest to forget…especially when she had to put up with him so much of the time. Even more so when he was a moody, irritating, spoiled, and pretentious guy… and fun, chaotic, incredibly smart, despite his malice, and there was no denying that he was also full of surprises, and curious… he just needed to know what the hell was a limit...

She shivered as she realized what she was doing and shook her head “Uuuugh, Ayami, don't” she dropped the knife and sighed “Not that again.”

Then like a rubber band, her ultra-focused mind remembered she was going to the wrong place and quickly came back, remembering the day it all went down the drain. That's it, focus. In this you need to keep your head.

Ayami goes back to work, now with more rhythm, and with the vegetables properly mixed in the egg and seasoning mixture, she turned on the fire to actually fry the omelet.

He didn't deserve anything good. She would always remember him as an idiot who one day was holding her hand, and the next, spitting on her with those absurd words. The moment her hand found his face was extremely cathartic, despite being an extremely dangerous movement. But Fusui and Youko were there, and they were willing to help her...

Weren't they? Or were they so shocked they wouldn't react if he tried to fight back? She shivered. The thing could have escalated into something very bad… she knew the abyss, so much so that she almost fell into it. Now she was staring at it from afar. Yes, her family's problem was resolved, and she was now at peace with the Kure…but they wouldn't blame her if she didn't react well if he showed up.

She removed the baked omelet from the heat and placed it on the plate, arranging some rice in the bowl, arranging the table. She was hesitant not to arrange for two, on the other side. She always organized everything, and remembered the other two residents of the house. It was hard to remember that they now only had two residents, instead of three. She sighed, and arranged for one more, just out of habit. She wasn't going to get anything dirty, so she wouldn't need to take it off the table later. She sat up, slightly more satisfied.

She clasped her hands in thanks for the food when she heard the bell ring. The rain was falling hard outside. She blew out a breath through her nose, standing up and heading for the door. The bell rang again.

“Oh, come on, calm down!” she complains. Whoever it was, they must have been in a hurry because of the rain. She looks at the door, and concluded she would have to install a peephole in it someday, for sure. She opened the door “May I hel-?”

There was no one at the door. And the rain was pouring down cats and dogs. She looked a little further ahead, taking advantage of the small roof at the entrance, and looked at the street. No one at all.

Huh.

She sighed. How could anyone have the audacity to pull this kind of prank in the middle of a summer storm? The person could have been struck by lightning, or something like that! She shook her head and walked back into the house, closing the door and locking it… the floor was even wet from her feet…

But her feet were dry, in her bare feet… strange. She turned to go back to her dinner when she almost bumped into something, and stopped the moment she realized it and looked up.

And her eyes widened at the sight.

“Hey”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHH!!” In reflex, she threw one of the shoes from the closet behind her, and hit him square in the face. And she didn't stand still, of course she ran away, she wouldn’t stay even if they paid her.

It was him. It was the devil himself. What would he be…?

“Oy! Hey! Is this how you welcome people to your house?!” he complains, that husky voice that haunted her mind, now vivid and real in her ears.

“Go away! Get out of me, die, Devil!” She ran into the house, to her room. Where the hell was her Katana? He had left her somewhere...

“Hey, wait a minute, Mou-eh, Ayami!” she heard his call, but she didn't care. She wouldn't fall for that again. That toxic relationship was over!

“Go away! I have nothing to deal with you!” She went into her room, closed the door and locked it. Fuck dinner, she wasn't coming down again. She felt her body shake.

What the hell was he doing there? Would he by any chance come to kill her? Torture her? Humiliate her some more by telling her what a petty thing she was?!

She took a deep breath, and looked for her weapon, it was somewhere, where?! Damn, goddamn brain, work!

She remembered that she had left it at the head of the bed, and went immediately to get it. She had promised herself that she would avoid using it, both for her own good and for everyone around her, but now the case was different. This was not someone you wanted well.

She closed her eyes, catching her breath as she slowly unsheathed her sword. She felt the weight of the purple steel in her hand, and tried to calm herself. That was her weapon, her deadly arm, her extension… she faced the door, and braced herself for a possible break-in. He was strong enough for that. She would meticulously count all the expenses to charge those bastards.

Depredation of property, home invasion, moral harassment, perhaps physical… the list just kept getting longer. She would move worlds and funds to sue and arrest this man. It would be the end of him.

He might be the Devil, but she was a Lawyer.

Ayami waited in front of the door, and nothing. Silence. Just the rain outside and the thunder. She felt her spine prickling. Behind you.

Dammit, the window, why did she have to forget about the window?! It was so obvious...

She turned her sword, barely making a sound, and she tensed when she saw him, the thunder shaking the world outside. He was soaked from head to toe, and when he faced her, in the dark, his silver eyes reflected the dim light, just like a cat or some night creature. This frightened her enough for her to activate the defensive instinct.

“Ayami…-”

“Don't come any closer!” She pointed the sword at him, he retreated a stel “what did you come here to do, Kure Raian? Is it not enough what you did two months ago? Not enough for you? Did you come to finish the job and kill me for good?”

“If I wanted to kill you, you would have died the moment you opened the door” he tries to smile, the smile flashing in the dark, she gasped, but her hands firm on the Katana “But I knew it would be something like this…” he approached a step, and she brought the Katana toward his neck. He recoiled the step he took, suddenly well aware of the blade.

“Then go away,” she warned, “or I'll be forced to defend myself.”

“Defend?” he chuckled “defend from what?”

“Don't fool me, Devil, it's from you… don't come here, invade my house, just to say you're not attacking me. I'm not stupid, and neither are you. So please go away, and leave me alone.”

“Not until I sort out what I have pending,” he says firmly.

“Then go to hell!” She advances, and he widens his eyes, dodging at the last second of the thrust, after the side cut, making agile jumps back. He was fast, even for someone his size.

“Fuck, what's this, woman, calm down!” he said, while dodging two more blows “I come in peace to talk and that's what I get?”

“I don’t. Want. To talk!” She said with each blow, her eyes in fury “GO, AWAY!”

…

Raian could dodge, he could see her movements, even in the dark, he was made for that, after all. He came prepared to fight, as usual, but the problem was, he wasn't prepared for her to be wielding a real Katana and hadn't even studied the terrain first. He only realized his mistake, however, when he felt his back hit a wall, and her blade was unstoppable. The rip she gave his shirt drew a trickle of blood from his chest.

He widened his eyes at the light blow.

Holy crap.

It only grazed, but she wasn't kidding.

He caught the blade in time with his boot before it sliced him cleanly from bottom to top on the leg and shoved it hard, to not have his leg torn apart. He felt the razor-sharp blade cut something on his foot, but he was thankful it wasn't meat.

“Oh, so that's it” he said as she stood up “you really want to kill me.”

“I'm not afraid to use my sword” she assumed a fight position, her arms were firm.

“Great” he holds the hem of his own sword “Because I brought mine too.”

Her eyes widened when she finally saw what he had brought. Another Katana, a Yamanoito just like hers, almost like a twin. Maybe if he showed it in a way that was harmless, he could…

“I knew…” Her eyes glazed over in the Frenzy “I knew I couldn't trust you…” and she assumed a pose. The sword held high, and the center of gravity concentrated at the back of her body.

Yeeaaaaaa… That had the wrong effect. Oh Fuck. He should have taken the sword from his belt with the scabbard instead of drawing it. She thought she had no choice but to fight.

“We'll see” he assumes a fighting pose too. He hadn't wielded a real sword against a real swordswoman in a long time, but he would have to make do with what he had.

She attacked first, and if he hadn't been a Kure, he would have been cut in half across the shoulder, but he managed to defend himself with the weapon. The two Katanas sparkled as they met. Her eyes had lost their fire, turned to hot steel. Ayami no longer was answering for herself.

It was your fault for getting her into this, now bear it, Raian.

She manages to free both swords from the encounter and then prepares for another attack, and another, and another, all of them meeting with sparks and screeching swords. Up, down, left, up… one from the bottom up as her hair flew and her feet moved, nimble. She danced between moves with a grace he thought only existed in movies. Focused, in a trance.

Wonderful.

Like a prey that finally resolved to attack.

As much as Raian didn't really want to fight her, part of him was incredibly fascinated by the resourcefulness, and another part of him was completely aroused by the fight, a competitive and very strong part of him, so he couldn't help but smile.

“Hahahaaha” he laughed, while blocking another blow “I can see you now, Ayami… you really hide things from me…”

She didn't answer, the Frenzy wasn't meant to chit-chat. He barely dodged another blow. He knew that if he didn't stop her, he would be forced to attack to defend himself, and he could injure her, so it wouldn't be good.

“Ayami” he called “Ayami, stop, I-”

“Raaagh!” She interrupted him with a scream. Yeah, talking would be pointless. He has to move forward. That or there would be no end, not until she passed out from exhaustion. Also, in this state, Raian wouldn't be able to advance, she didn't give a break.

He had an idea, he didn't like it at all, but it was what he had. He growled in anger.

“Aaaargh Fuck it!” He dropped his sword, blocking a blow to the head with his arms. She wanted to hit him, so hit him!

But the blow did not come. He only heard the sound of his Katana hitting the floor with a metallic clang, and nothing else. And her breath was in gasps.

Would he be dead? He peeked through a gap between his arms. She had the blade millimeters from his skin, trembling. He looked into her face.

Face scrunched up in anger, teeth clenched in disgust…

But eyes brimming with tears.

“Why…?” She growled, her voice stammering “Why can't I…?” She struggled to bring the blade down, and almost succeeded, touching the skin of his arm and scratching, a trickle of blood pouring down from the cut. But it didn't go beyond that. “What did you do to me… Raian?! What spell is this?! What did you do?!”

“I didn't do anything” he takes a step back, away from her, but still in defense “you're the one who stopped.”

“Why did you come here?! Why do you decide to torture me like this?” Her voice chokes more, she starts to breathe with difficulty. Raian stands up, still watching the blade.

“I'm not torturing-”

“TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT!” she screams.

“I CAME TO FUCKIN’ APOLOGIZE!” he yells back.

She widened her eyes, still with her guard up, but pulling the blade away.

“W-what?”

Raian grimaced in agony.

“Don't make me repeat it, woman!” He protests “Holy shit, I walked in through the front door, I even rang the fucking bell, for what?! If I had broken into the house through the window, it would have been all the same!”

“Well, that's what happens when someone humiliates someone in front of everyone, in the middle of breakfast, right after having a good moment, and after two months tries to talk like nothing happened. I won't accept it, now go away.”

“What? No, you'll have to listen to me…” He clenches his fists, starting to advance when she points the sword at him again.

“NO! You who will listen to me now, Kure Raian!” she growls, fierce “You are a man who was put to marry against your will, I know all that... But did you stop to consider my side?” she approaches very slowly “I was taken to your house, as a captive, not your fiancée, I didn't know anything about this marauder until your sister told me, I, being a woman, was extremely terrified. Even more so when they warned me about you and who you were, they talked about you almost as if you were a rapist or torturous monster. I felt like I was being sold to be able to free my family. Every day, I remembered them and stood firm, I didn't want to wed you for me to stab you, or bend your family to my feet, I wanted to survive! Do you know what this is, Raian? What would you do in my place?”

“I…”

“Of course you don't know, you're a psychopath who doesn't have an ounce of empathy for others, that's your biggest flaw. And every day, you had to make it harder, didn't you? With your pranks, your laughter, your cursing… and then you changed tactics, until you finally pretended to be nice to me…” she sobs, trying to hold back tears “and you stabbed me in the back, not me! You, instead of talking to me and the two of us working this out like two adults and leaving this pact in peace, even as friends, you had to summon the fifth-grade kid and make a scene!”

“So tell me… Why now…” she puts her sword to his neck “should I let my guard down, when I was clearly betrayed by you?”

He swallowed hard. Not for the sword, but for what she said. Was he a traitor? When was that? Since when…? His insides began to shake. This clearly wasn't right, and it pissed him off very much.

“I… didn't fake it.” He frowns, gripping the blade of her sword. “I didn't pretend to be nice to you…” he advances, using his strength to push her back and take the sword away from him “at no time I faked anything, Ayami.” He gripped the base of the sword with his other hand, a trickle of blood seeping from flesh torn by the edge. He stared at her, his abismal eyes making her shiver, now afraid of the slow but almost suicidal attack “I just wanted to make you give up, make you run, make you afraid of me. Because no one can stand being close to me. But you had to stay!” Raian grabs the sword and snatches it out of her hands “you had to play the brave, the rational girl, the good angel… you had to be the perfect girl that everyone loves, surrounding yourself with friends, all of them being my family, my allies, to fight against me” he throws his sword aside, shaking his bloody hands at that point “You had to prove yourself valuable, to prove being useful, to show me your strength” She tries to run away but he holds her arms, making her step back until she stumbles and sits on the bed “and… mostly… had to make me desire you like the madman that I am, with those eyes of helpless prey, luring me into a trap” he brings his face close to hers, she trying to pull away, now closing her eyes “You had to make me like you… hadn’t you?”

She stops, her eyes opening and widening, when she hears what he's said “You…? You're not teasing me, are you? Is this serious?”

He chuckles a little, but his smile wasn't malicious. “Why would you think I'd be here hunting you, Mousie?”

She didn't want to believe it… it wasn't possible… was it…?

“I… don't believe you…” the tears were coming back, she approached his face, almost growling, as he widened his eyes “you said the same thing, before turning back on your word… how can I trust that? How do I know you're not leading me into another trap?”

He stared at her, the two silver pupils looking back and forth at hers, practically lit in the darkness of the room, reflecting the light from a street lamp outside.

He sighs, letting his guard down a little.

“Ayami, I was honest that time, as I am being honest now” he says “But I was pissed at what I heard, so…”

“So you made that fuss.” She pouted.

“Yeeeaaah, anywaaay” He squints his eyes, grunting low, gripping her wrists a little harder. “I wouldn't be here if I didn't want you, Ayami. Understand this at once.”

She stared at him for a moment, still suspicious, but she didn't want to fight anymore, didn't want to ask any more questions…except one.

“Okay… okay, fearsome hunter… now you've got me…” she risks, still afraid, but something else was quickly taking its place, as she looked at him, suddenly shy “what are you going to do with me now?”

He chuckled, seeming to relax his shoulders minimally, and responded with his lips on hers, making her shiver, but in a good way.

Feeling her body soften from both relief and arousal, she simply gave up on resisting.

The real conversation would have to wait. She wanted him there, and now.

Next Chapter Here

#kengan ashura #kengan omega #kenganverse #heavybakery #devilsfood #kengan oc #fanfiction #raian kure #kure raian

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f1luver-95 · 3 months

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Fate Charles Leclerc Story…

… Chapter 6 …

Waking up I felt like I had been hit by a transport truck... I felt both physically and mentally exhausted... like the weight of what has happened the last week was finally catching up to me.

I spent most of the night wide awake, I just could not get the message I received last night of my mind.

I had brushed off the first couple of messages I received from him but now I was starting to get worried... specifically the most recent text was very concerning.

It started off with the innocent I love you... I miss you... I messed up... I didn't know what I had until you left.

One thing about Jake is that he hates to lose... and now that he lost me... it seems like he was going to do anything possible to get me back.

I wasn't sure how far he would go to get me back and that's what scared me the most. I didn't know what he was capable of doing anymore... at one point in our relationship I knew him like the back of my hand... now he's a stranger.

I'll see how things go... but if things start to get worse I will tell Kelly and Max.

I grabbed my phone and looked at the time 10:30am... man I loved sleeping in on weekends.

I climbed out of bed and got dressed in a light blue matching sweater and sweat pants.

As I walked down the hallway I could hear voices coming from the kitchen and the further I walked down the hallway the more familiar the voice sounded. It oddly sounded a lot like my best friend Lucy, but there is no way she was here... she lived in Miami.

As I turned the corner and saw a tall brown haired women facing away from me, instantly I knew who it was.

"Lucy... is that you?" I asked as tears started to roll down my face. I quickly reached up to wipe them away.

Lucy turned around quickly at the sound of my voice "Elle."

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I closed the distance between us, giving her the biggest hug possible not wanting to let go.

"Kelly and Max told me that you were having a rough time because dick head keeps messaging you. I booked the first flight out of Miami." Lucy said as she pulled me even closer.

I looked over towards Kelly and noticed a small tear start to form in Kelly's eye, as she watched the reunion of the two best friends.

I pulled away from Lucy and walked over to Kelly and gave her a big hug. "Thank you so much."

"Oh honey... this was all Max's idea." Kelly said as she pulled away from the hug grinning at me.

"Max's idea?"

"Yes, he just really wants you to be happy... he knows how much you missed Lucy."

I nodded my head... my heart swelling from all the love and support I was receiving from everyone around me.

"Lucy... How long are you here for?" I asked as I sat down at the kitchen table.

"I think for a couple of days... but who knows I might just look for a job here. You know I can't be too far away from you."

"Why don't you girls head to the pool." Suggested Kelly as she placed some breakfast foods on the table.

"That's a good idea Kelly. Lucy you're going to love the pool area."

We finished some breakfast before heading towards my bedroom to change into our bathing suits, Lucy pulling her suitcase behind her.

We changed into our bathing suits and cover ups grabbing some towels and made our way to the pool.

"Wow this is beautiful." Lucy said as she looked out the floor to ceiling windows... you could see the waves crashing against the sand in the distance.

"I'm so proud of you Elle."

I couldn't help the blush on my face, as I looking down.

"I mean it Elle... look at everything you have been through... you are stronger than ever."

"I'm only this strong because I have amazing family and friends who are always their to support me." I replied as I continued to look out the window, watching as the waves crashed back and forth against the sand in a perfect rhythm.

"So tell me more about that hottie Charles... I was talking to Kelly this morning about him. Apparently sparks fly whenever you're in a room together." Lucy teased as she gently pushed my shoulder.

"We are just flirting with each other right now." I said as I looked over at her, "I can't deny that I want something more though... I'm just scared he is going to hurt me."

"Elle, based on what you told me about him... he sounds nothing like Jake... and heaven forbid if he does end up hurting you, you have an army of people behind you ready to love you and support you. Hell I even think Max would kick Charles ass if he hurt you."

"You're right... I shouldn't be worried about the what ifs."

"Lets go out tonight," suggested Lucy as she pulled out her phone and started researching bars in the area... "I think we need to go out for a couple drinks and some dancing."

"Ooh that sounds like so much fun. Maybe Kelly or Max have a suggestion on where we can go."

Lucy and I spent most of the afternoon chilling by the pool, catching up and just enjoying each others company.

After eating dinner with Max, Kelly and Penelope... Lucy and I headed to my bedroom to get ready for the bar.

We opened a bottle of white wine and sang along to Taylor Swift as we started getting ready to go to the bar that both Max and Kelly had recommended.

I looked at myself in the mirror... surprised to see in the refection a strong, confident and beautiful person staring back at me.

I was wearing a black lace bodysuit, with my favourite blue highwaist jeans and a black leather jacket... I looked confident and sexy.

Lucy was wearing a similar outfit just choosing to wear a blazer instead of a leather jacket.

"Im nervous." I said as I finished curling my hair... "this is the first time in a long time I'm going to be going to a bar without being engaged or in a relationship."

"Elle, you know what they say... the best way to get over him is to get under someone else." Teased Lucy as she put the finishing touches of her make up.

"Lucy..." I said in shock at what she had just said "there is no way that is a saying."

"I have definitely heard it somewhere."

We both started to laugh as we continued to get ready. Once we were ready we made our way down the hallway, towards the front door.

"We are heading out." I said as I noticed Kelly and Max were sitting in the tv room watching a show. Penelope had gone to sleep a couple hours earlier.

"Have fun girls," replied Kelly as she paused the tv show and looked over at us... "you both look beautiful."

"Have fun..." Max said "if you girls need me don't hesitate to call."

"Thank you, have a good night." Lucy said as we grabbed our purses and made our way out the door.

The bar that Kelly and Max had suggested was about a 15 minute walk from the apartment, we had decided that we would walk there and Uber home later on. The walk to the bar was beautiful, the street lights laminating the cobblestone pathway as we made our way to the bar.

The moment we walked in the bar we noticed that booth near the back of the bar. Lucy grabbed my hand a lead me over to the booth immediately ordering us both a couple of rounds of tequila shots as we sat down.

Once the shots arrived at our table Lucy quickly handing me one saying "Cheers to finding happiness" as we both downed the shot... five shots of tequila later we were starting to feel the effects of the alcohol.

"Elle, what if I moved to Monaco? That way we will always be close to each other." Lucy suggested as she took a sip of her vodka and cranberry juice.

"What? That would be amazing." I said smiling at her as I looked around the busy bar.

"Elle is that you?" I heard as some one walked by our table. I looked up towards the voice... low and behold it was Charles.

"Oh hey Charles." I replied as I looked at Charles, shocked that he was standing right in front of me. "This is my best friend from home Lucy... she's visiting from Miami for a couple of days." I said as I introduced Lucy to Charles.

"Elle... Lucy this is my friend Lando," Charles said as he pointed to the man who was standing behind him. "We came out for a couple drinks... I didn't think that I would bump into you here. Do you mind if we sit with you beautiful ladies?" Charles asked as he sat down in the booth beside me casually brushing his fingers along my thigh as he scooted into the booth... instantly sparks flew at the small gesture.

I looked over at Lucy and saw that she was now sitting beside Lando deep in conversation about something that I couldn't hear over the loud music.

"How's your evening going?" Asked Charles as he whispered in my ear so that I could hear him over the loud music.

"Good... Better now that your here." I said flirting back... the tequila giving me some liquid courage.

"If I knew you would be wearing this outfit... I would have came earlier." Charles said as I caught his eyes scanning my body... you could see the lust in his eyes as he softly bit his lip.

Just as I was about to reply a server came to our table to get our drink orders...

"Can we get two margaritas?" I ordered for both Lucy and I.

"Lando and I will have a pitcher of beer." Added Charles as he put his arm on my shoulder, smiling at me as he did.

I looked over at Lucy and saw that she was winking at me.. before turning back to her conversation with Lando.

Lando seemed really nice from our quick conversation... you could see that he was the type of guy who was an amazing friend. Lucy and him seemed to have a lot of similarities... maybe if things with Charles works out for me... then maybe I can play match maker for Lucy and Lando.

"Elle! Let's go dance!" Exclaimed Lucy as one of our favourite songs started playing, she grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the dance floor. As I was being pulled I turned to look at Charles who mouthed, "I'll be watching," as he winked.

As Lucy and I danced to the beat of the music I would occasionally look over to where Charles and Lando were talking causally drinking their beer, and occasionally looking over in our direction.

As I was dancing with Lucy, when all of a sudden I felt arms wrap around me and pull me close grinding to the beat of the music. For a second the alcohol that I had consumed clouded my judgment and a started to dance, quickly realizing that those were not Charle's arms around me.

"No... STOP" I yelled as I struggled to get out of this strange man's grip. He smirked at me as I struggled to get free.

Lucy quickly started smacking the man as she yelled, "Let go of her." Desperately trying to pull me out from the mans grasp.

Both Charles and Lando saw the commotion on the dance floor springing into action quickly.

Charles came storming in grabbing me out from that mans grasp and gently placing me behind him.

"Let go of 'My Girl' she said No." Charles yelled over the loud music as he got into this mans face pushing him away from us.

I looked around the dance floor and noticed everyone around us had stopped dancing at the commotion-taking place.

" Look at what she is wearing man. If you ask me she is just asking for it." said the man slurring his words... the smell of alcohol on his breath as he tried to look past Charles so that he could get another look at me. His eyes slowly undressing me as he licked his lips... Disgusting.

I felt myself cowering behind Charles as I buried my head into his back... trying to hide from the man who was undressing me with his eyes.

"Shut the Fuck up! It should never matter what a girl is wearing because it never justifies sexual assault or harassment. Women should never be afraid to wear what they want because of guys like you," yelled Charles getting angrier by the second.

I felt a small hand on my shoulder causing me to look up from where my head was buried him Charles back. Lucy gave me a reassuring smile as Lando had his hand on her back ... ready to spring into action if he had to protect Lucy... from the look on his face he was definitely interested in my beautiful best friend.

"Charles... I know you're upset but it's not worth it." Said Lando calmly as he noticed two security guards walking over towards us ready to intervened as they took the man away.

Charles gently placed both of his hands on my face using his thumb to gently brush away the small tear that was slowly escaping from my eyes asking "are you okay?"

I nodded my head, as I couldn't trust myself to speak. All I wanted was to be was wrapped up in Charles arms as they created a sense of safety and belonging for me.

Charles held me in his arms as he whispered over and over again "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you." I could tell how upset he was with himself for not stopping the man sooner.

I pulled away from Charles and looked up at saying "you did save me."

"Are you okay?" Asked Lucy as she pulled me from Charles embrace and pulled me into a hug.

"I'm okay. I'm just thankful that you guys stepped in when you did. Not everyone is lucky enough to have people looking out for them like I do."

The guys nodded their heads and sadly Lucy understood what I was feeling. The sad truth is that girls feel the need to justify what they are wearing when they are sexually harassed or assaulted. As if they need to prove that it wasn't their fault it happened. We should never be afraid to walk home alone and be afraid of the what if's when we leave the house.

"Can we go back to the house? I really want to go to bed." I asked Lucy as I looked at the time. I was physically and emotionally exhausted from tonight's events.

Charles and Lando quickly walked towards the bartender so that they could pay for our drinks. When they returned they placed their hands gently on both our backs and guided us outside so that we could wait for a taxi. Once outside a gust of wind rushed past us causing me to shiver. Charles looked down at me and slowly took off his jacket and placed it over my shoulders so that I would be warm. I had only ever seen this done in movies... Charles was to good to be true.

Once we got back to Kelly and Max's place he guided me into the apartment using the key that was in my purse. Before I could even step into the apartment he picked me up and started carrying me towards my bedroom room. I couldn't help the giggle that escaped my lips as I quickly covered my moth with my hands... I did not want to wake up the house. I looked over Charles shoulder and saw that Lando had his arm around Lucy as he was helping her walk down the hallway to my room as well. I guess both Lucy and I had a little bit to much to drink.

I placed my head on Charles shoulder as he kept walking towards my room. I couldn't help by sign in content... when I was in his arms I felt like I was home.

"Thank you." I mumbled as my eyes started to close. The sound of his heartbeat lulling me to sleep. I could feel Charles gently place me under the covers of my bed lifting the blanket so that it was covering my body. I was so tired that I couldn't open my eyes, I could feel Lucy climb into bed with me and cuddle into my side.

"Sleep well... mon cheri." Whispered Charles as he kissed my forehead.

I fell asleep with the biggest smile on my face.

... Charles POV...

I watched as Elle smiled in her sleep after I kissed her on the forehead... she looked so peaceful that I wanted to stay with her... forever. I looked over at Lando and saw that he was also looking at Lucy the same way.

I felt so helpless when I saw that man in the bar put his hands all over Elle. I instantly felt rage and jealousy run through my veins, as I sprung into action. All I wanted to do was protect her from that man... I wanted to make her mine so that no other man would dare to touch her.

I have been thinking about asking Elle out the moment we ran into each other in the cafe... but I was to scared that she would turn me down. After tonight I wasn't going to sit by and wait for someone to else to make the move... I was going to be the one to do it.

As we walked out of Elle's room quietly I noticed the door to Max and Kellys room slightly open, Kellys head popping out.

"Thank you boys for taking care of them tonight." She whispered.

"Of course Kelly, have a good night." Lando and I whispered as we started to walk towards our own apartments.

"Charles Mate." Lando said as we stepped into the elevator "you need to grow some balls and ask Elle out on a date."

"I will but only if you ask Lucy out... I saw the way you looked at her all night." I said as I teased Lando.

Tomorrow I was going to do it... I was finally going to ask her out on a date.

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc fanfic #romance fanfiction #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #charles imagine #f1 imagine #racing fanfic #wattpad #fanfiction

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fertility-journey-20s · 8 months

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I'm struggling.

I was doing ok, I really was. I threw myself into watching what I eat and working out, working out filled up any alone time and helped me stop thinking about things but somethings happened this weekend and no amount of working out is going to make me feel better.

I think this has just tipped me over the edge.

My parents dog is not well. This might seem so small to some people but she's the sister to my dog, we got them both at the same time whilst I still lived at home and she's part of the family. She's adorable and unique as every dog is - you don't ever get 2 the same

For a while now their dog has struggled with walking, she's over weight with arthritis and only u years old. It's a catch 22 situation the weight makes the arthritis worse but she can't exercise to lose the weight due to arthritis. The vets were trying to help with injections but it wasn't the best solution and was referred to a vets specialist where they advised that on at least 2 legs they would need to put a metal plate in and fuse the bones together as it was to bad. She had her 1 operation around June time on her back leg... since then she's had to go back 3 times to have screws replaced because they kept getting loose or snapping. She went in for her front leg operating on at the beginning of the month and it seemed to be healing much better, she was using the paw a lot more and it looked really good. On Thursday when she went back in for the 3rd operation on the back leg they raised concerned that something didn't feel right with the front, they could feel something. The vet had a feel and said "it's just the top of the plate there's nothing to worry about". The day after she started limping on her front leg, the day after that she wouldn't put any weight on it at all and she was taken back once again. The vet still said he had no concerns but agreed to scan the leg to put our minds at ease. We'll it turns out the metal plate has snapped in two. They can't remove or add any more screws because her bones are too brittle (a detail they failed to mention prior to the initial operation) and now they don't know what to do, the main surgeon isn't back until Friday and so she had to suffer like this for another week. I dont know what they will do and I'm so scared they will advise that it would be best to PTS....

I'm really struggling to see any positives in my life right now. Obviously positives are- I have a lovely husband, cat and dog, we have our own house, we can pay the bills, we're all healthy etc... but I'm failing to see what positive things have happened in the past few years... we've had 6 family members die, including my father in law unexpectedly at the age of 60, we've suffered from unexplained infertility, we've gone through a round of IVF and failed, my husbands work is not doing too well, my own job isn't safe at the moment and I could be redundant in the new year due to restructures and not enough new roles for the old roles to fill and even if I do get the role I don't think ill be happy with the new expectations of me. I watched my parents have a car accident and now I panic on motorways. My mother in law keeps having episodes where she's just nasty and I don't understand why (is there such thing as a normal mother in law).

I cant think of 1 good thing that's happened to us since covid came into the world.

Photo of the poorly pooch before she had her operations 😔

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mirallog · 2 years

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Kelly jo bates

#Kelly jo bates update#

#Kelly jo bates tv#

So, are you glad to hear that Kelly Jo Bates is doing better now? Let us know in the comments below.įor more updates about the Bringing Up Batesfamily, check back with TV Shows Ace. New episodes air on UPtv Thursdays. Luckily, it seems like she’s going to be okay with the help of the medications. It sounds like this issue was caused by an infection in her esophagus. Mother of nineteen children, she and her expansive brood have become. She tells fans that the new issue isn’t related to her surgery, adding that the operation in October went “tremendously.” Kelly Jo Bates is a famous Reality Star, who was born on Octoin United States. As it worsened, she decided to seek medical attention. Kelly Jo Bates is an American social media personality and TV star who is known for being the wife of Gil Bates and the matriarch to 19 children and 18 grandchildren who are part of the TV show 19 Kids and Counting. She went to the ER on the Wednesday prior to Mother’s Day due to some pain that began in January. She thanks her followers for all of their love and prayers too. In her video, Kelly Jo explains that she’s on her way home from the hospital and picking up her prescriptions. She writes, “ Update: Thank you all for praying! I got checked out! Thank everyone for your prayers and concerns! I am going home to rest and to finish antibiotics! So excited! I know I keep getting ‘wake up’ calls to eat healthier and do better, so maybe I’ll have more success with my motivation this time 😱” Batesfam Instagram

#Kelly jo bates update#

On Instagram on May 10, Kelly Jo shared a video, giving fans an update on her health scare. It’s unclear whether this new health issue is related. As she recovered, she said that she was thankful that she went through with the operation. It was to help with her acid reflux, and it seems like it went smoothly. On the show, Kelly Jo’s recent surgery has been documented. Many of the family’s fans sent encouraging words her way and asked for updates. Join Facebook to connect with Kelly Jo Bates and others you may know. Naturally, fans were pretty concerned about her. View the profiles of people named Kelly Jo Bates. Several other members of the Bates family shared similar posts about her hospitalization as they dedicated social media posts to her on Mother’s Day. So we are waiting to find out what they can do.” She is the wife of Gil Bates, with whom she has 19 children and. They are checking for infection and a perforation. Kelly Jo Bates (ne Callaham) (born October 26, 1966) is the matriarch of the Bates family. She’s sitting in a hospital bed, and he writes, “Everyone is probably wondering what’s wrong- there’s something on her esophagus causing pain. In his Mother’s Day post dedicated to her, Trace Bates shared a snap of himself and his mom. Kelly Jo Bates hospitalized on Mother’s Day The Bringing Up Bates mom has since shared an update about her health and what’s going on. However, they are rich with so many family members.Kelly Jo Bates sadly spent Mother’s Day in the hospital, as we previously reported. Well certainly, this is Gil Bates’s family and not Bill Gates’ family. Kelly’s estimated net worth is around $1 million approximately. All this happened in less than half a second, kelly jo bates weight loss best rated. Similarly, Kelly Jo Bates also earns a lot because of her popularity in the show. Kelly Jo Bates Weight Loss Are Diet Pills Safe To Take For Sale. He also owns a company called “Bates Tree Service”. Who is Kelly Jo Bates Reality Show Star and. Her husband, Gil Bates earns around $250k a year and his primary source of income is the reality show in which the family featured. Even someone who already has a child can have problems with fertility. Kelly Jo is professionally an actress and reality star who first appeared on TV in 2012. Now you might be wondering, how much is the net worth of Kelly and Gil Bates and how can they afford to provide for such a huge family. Where it all started- the 19 Bates kids and Mom & Dad! Can’t wait to post more pics from Brittany Cruse & her husband’s recent photo shoot with us at Papa’s 80th party! We had to do the “train” pose cause when they were all little we had them “train up” from youngest to oldest everywhere we walked so that we could fit through store aisles and keep up with all of them! #Brittan圜rusePhotography (Gil, Kelly Jo, Jeb, Judson, Callie, Ellie, Addee, Isaiah, Warden, Jackson, Katie, Josie, Carlin, Trace, Tori, Alyssa, Nathan, Lawson, Erin, Michael, Zach Bates) Scroll for more pics!Ī post shared by The Bates Family on at 11:46am PDT Kelly Jo Bates Net worth

#Kelly jo bates

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dreamystarrycloud · 2 years

Text

So I have made a decision and only time will tell if it is a Bad Decision.

Knowing that I have the holy trinity of being a zebra (hEDS, POTS, and Gastroparesis), I know that my eating habits are 100% unhealthy.

I'm 99% sure the only reason I've maintained the weight I have is simply because I was stuffing myself and ignoring my body's cues of "no want food, stop eating" because they'd occur too early for me to eat anything of nutritional value and thus I would end up feeling very very ill.

As of recently, I've decided to just.. stop when my body said "no more", which as it turns out can be about 5 or so bites into whatever it is I'm eating.

Now the reason I can't tell if this is a good or a bad decision: I have tried this once before and lost weight rapidly because I wasn't "gorging" (eating a normal amount) myself in my one or two meals a day. I lasted about a week or so before I gave up because I was scared I was losing weight too quickly.

The thing is, it's the lesser of two evils here. I either eat what my body says and lose weight or "over eat" (once again, eating what is a normal amount to most people) to the point of feeling worse and maintain weight. At the current point, I think the better option is the former and not the latter but I really won't know for a bit.

I am, however, realizing how little I'm actually able to eat and I'm just glad that I've gotten the couple of procedures that my Gastro doctor ordered out of the way because since they both came out clear, it seems the next step is going to be a gastric emptying scan (hopefully) and then I'll finally get to rub in his face that I was right about my illness when he said "You look relatively healthy" and "Gastroparesis doesn't usually represent with diarrhea".

My only major concern at this point is I might end up with a feeding tube if shit goes the way I'm thinking it will. Yay, fun.

As for everything else, my worries of lupus are getting more and more solidified and it's been over a year since I've been referred to a rheumatologist and yet nothing has come of it. Hopefully when I bring up the scaly rashes to my GP on Thursday and my concerns of lupus again (which I only mentioned in passing), maybe we'll get into the rheumatologist sooner.

Although, with the looming concerns of lupus, if I do have it that also means I won't be able to get diagnosed with hEDS until my mother does due to the diagnostic criteria of hEDS. So basically, I'm at a standstill with the diagnostic process of almost everything except the POTS.

Life sucks, being chronically ill is hell, and I'm slowly gaining a massive care team.

Thanks for listening to me complain. Go ahead and put some shit about your own health in the comments if you need to vent.

#CW: doctors #CW: Medical stuff #CW: Food and weight loss #gastroparesis #lupus #heds #hypermobile ehlers danlos syndrome #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #chronically ill #chronic pain #my stuff

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lotus-flowerz · 3 years

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hello hello I love your writings so far sobs I couldn't help but do an ask myself aa (it's my first ask ever help hwkajd) could I request perhaps gn reader that flinched away from the boys by reflex? (preferably with Diluc, Kaeya and Kazuha but you can add or remove someone if you want to!) like they were hanging out and reader was lost in thoughts and suddenly when they see in the corner of their eyes how the boys raise their arm for smth reader quickly raises their arms above their own head to protect it- how would they react and how would they comfort the reader? I hope it's not too much or if you're uncomfortable with it you can ignore it if you want to whaaaa

AHHH TY IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE MY WRITING! i actually do this too, some of my old friends would make fun of me for it, so i hope that my writing here is accurate >.<

i also added beidou in here, hope you don't mind, i just had to since she's my favorite character <3

TW!! FLINCHING, ANXIETY, PAST TRAUMA, MENTION OF DEATH AND INJURIES

SLIGHT INAZUMA ARCHON QUEST SPOILERS

KAEYA BACKSTORY SPOILERS

The cherry blossoms fell silently from the trees under which you and Kazuha were sitting. Those had remained unchanged since you and Kazuha were children. The beauty of the pink blossoms falling towards the green earth without a care.

It had remained the same through the vision hunt decree, through the war, through watching Tomo get killed by the shogun, through both of you getting injured during said fight. Kazuha's hand was burnt from Tomo's vision, and your body had a large scar running from your knee to the side of your neck from a stray bolt of lighting from Tomo's divine punishment. If not for Kazuha's determination to not lose another friend and Beidou and her crew caring for you, you would be dead.

These days, although you and Kazuha both carried the same trauma, he seemed to be doing leaps and bounds better than you were. Your eyes flitted to Kazuha, who was writing poetry. The only sound that could be heard was his pen gliding across the paper, filling it with his eloquent words that always seemed to flow so smoothly.

You were deep in thought, when out of the corner of your eye you spotted something coming towards your face. Instinctively, your hands flew out to shield yourself, leaving a very confused Kazuha, who was only scratching his head, looking at you with concern in his eyes.

"Dove.. did you think I was going to hurt you?"

You slowly lowered your arms, guilt washing over you.

"No! It's just- sometimes, when movements are too sudden.. I.. you know, I try to protect myself because uh.."

His eyes drifted to your scar, then looked up at your face, only to find it tilted to the ground. He put a finger under your chin, bringing your eyes up to meet his, then kissing your forehead.

One hand snaked around your waist while the other traced lightly over your scar, sending shivers down your spine. You wrapped your arms around him as well, putting a little of your weight onto him.

He kissed your lips, squeezing you tight against him.

"I'll never let anyone hurt you again. I promise."

"Kazuha, it's not-"

"I know it's not my fault. And I know I couldn't have prevented it. But I promise you, you're safe now."

He brought his hand up to cradle the back of your head as you buried your face in the crook of his neck.

"Thank you." you said, squeezing him a little tighter.

"No need to thank me. I love you, Y/n."

"I love you too, Kazuha."

You had been a part of Beidou's crew for just over a year now, after meeting her in the wharf of Liyue harbor after finally finding the courage to leave your abusive and toxic partner. You didn't have a place to stay and you were clearly distraught, so when she asked if you were okay and you immediately began to cry, she offered you to come on her ship. You trusted her, since she was the well-known captain of the Crux. After you had explained your situation, she offered you to join her crew. You agreed, and began dating her about six months after joining the Crux.

Because you had been aboard the Alcor for a year, you knew the crew was loud and prone to get drunk. You had never liked to drink, preferring to quietly sip a small glass of dandelion wine while sitting next to Beidou while she drank a few beers and talked with her crew.

It was now the one year anniversary of when you had left Liyue Harbor, and conveniently, the Alcor was anchored there for a bit for a supplies run, imports drop off, and exports pickup. While out and about with Beidou, you had seen your ex in the wharf. They were about to come and talk to you, when you had pointed them out to Beidou. Beidou had slipped her arm around your waist, glaring at your ex, who glared back and turned heel to walk away.

Now, you sipped your wine beside Beidou, deep in thought. The loud atmosphere wasn't helping your anxieties, and you couldn't get your ex's glare out of your head. You didn't even realize you were completely zoned out until Beidou raised her arm to sling it around your shoulders, after she noticed you were zoned out.

Your arms flew up to shield yourself, and you spilt wine all over the both of you. The cup clattered to the floor, but luckily no one else noticed what just happened.

Beidou's face dropped and she quickly picked up the cup, setting it back down on the table.

"Men!" she called out. "Y/n and I are turning in early tonight! Make sure you scallywags have this cleaned up by the morning!"

The crew cheered their goodnights, raising their beers to their captain and her first mate. Beidou smiled, slipped an arm around your waist, and led you back to your guys' shared quarters.

"Alright doll, what happened just now?"

She closed the door behind her and sat on the bed next to you, looking at you with a certain softness that made you melt.

"I'm.. I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my ex, and how we saw them earlier, and I couldn't get their glare out of my head.. and I left them exactly a year ago.. I don't know why I flinched away from yo-"

Beidou cut you off by taking both of your hands into hers.

"Y/n, don't say sorry! You know, your ex wouldn't stand a chance against even my weakest crew member. They will never hurt you again."

"I don't doubt that for a second," you said, a small smile growing on your face, "Thank you for taking me in, Beidou."

"No, the pleasure is all mine. I couldn't ask for a better first mate. You're safe now, okay?" she smiled, squeezing your hands.

You looked into her eyes for a moment before throwing your arms around her. She squeezed you back, kissing your head.

"C'mon, let's shower and get this wine off of us." she giggled.

You laughed. "Yeah, let's."

Kaeya had told you his backstory, but you never mentioned yours. You just weren't ready to talk about it. Your parents had never been great, you always walked on eggshells around everyone, and everyone was all too rough with you, emotionally and physically.

You had met Kaeya in the tavern one night, while trying to drink away what you were feeling. Kaeya had noticed how obliterated you were and let Diluc know he was taking you to stay at the Knights Headquarters, and would keep an eye on you. The rest was history, and now you and Kaeya had been dating for a little over a year.

Kaeya had told you his backstory on Monday. That same day later on, you had a run in with your parents at Blanche's, where they had yelled at you for deciding to become a Knight, and proceeded to pick you apart from your very core.

In turn, you had been drinking a little more than usual for the entire week. You seemed more withdrawn and just not fully there. And it all came to a head when you were laying in bed next to Kaeya.

He went to put his arm over you, a loving gesture, but your arms came up on instinct to shield yourself. He sighed loudly.

"You're scared of me."

"Oh Archons- I didn't mean to- no, I swear it isn't-"

"You've been acting all angry and cold ever since I told you about my roots. I thought you would be the one who didn't leave me after I told them."

"No, Kaeya- please, just let me explain!"

"I'm listening."

You began to hesitantly tell him about your parents. His face grew angrier and angrier every time you told him another thing your parents had done to you.

"I'll kill them. I had no idea that that happened though. I'm sorry for assuming."

"It's alright, Kaeya. I didn't even consider that you might think I was acting weird because of where your confession."

"I swear they'll never get near you again, alright? You're safe now. It's alright."

He pulled you into him, wrapping you up in his strong arms and putting his legs over yours, making you feel protected and safe.

"No one will hurt you, not on my watch. I love you, Y/n."

"I love you too, Kaeya. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"No need for apologies, you were gonna tell me when you were ready. Now let's get some sleep, that dandelion wine I downed earlier is starting to get to me."

You giggled, burying your head further into his chest.

"Alright. Goodnight, Kaeya."

"Night, prince/ess."

You and Diluc had been dating for a few months now, you had met when he had needed to hire a new bartender, and you volunteered your mixing skills to the Angel's Share. You had caught his eye immediately, and he had asked you out on a date soon after you began your work there.

Your ex wasn't a kind person, to say the least, so you had been hesitant to say yes. You assured Diluc that this was just because your ex was unkind to you, but you had never mentioned physical harm. You hadn't wanted to worry him.

You were sitting on the couch with Diluc, his arm slung over your shoulders while you stared into the crackling flames of the fire burning before you. Diluc wasn't paying attention, as he was reading a book in his free hand.

He raised his arm up, attempting to adjust to a more comfortable position, but you misread this. Your arms were shielding your face in an instant, and Diluc was looking at you with a shocked and concerned face that quickly morphed to anger.

"I'm going to kill him." he growled/

You lowered your arms and looked down, avoiding looking him in the eye.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that."

"Did he hit you??"

"I, um, didn't want to worry you."

"Barbatos.. and this domestic abuser is just, what, roaming around Mondstat? No punishment for the pain he put you through?"

"I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want him to come and hurt me. I also didn't want to cause any trouble."

Diluc rubbed a hand over his face, before wrapping you in a hug.

"You're safe here, alright? I will never lay a hand on you to hurt you. I won't let anyone else hurt you either, okay?"

"Thank you.." your eyes welled up with tears, "I thought you would be upset that I didn't tell you."

"No, never. It's a hard thing to talk about. If you'd like, I have connections. We can have him arrested."

"I don't want to cause trouble.."

"You won't. He won't be able to hurt anyone else this way. But we can discuss this later. Would you care for a cup of tea?"

"That'd be nice. Thanks, Diluc."

"You're welcome, angel. Tell me if anyone hurts you again, alright? I'll protect you."

"Will do. I love you."

"I love you too."

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yesimwriting · 3 years

Text

To Be Alone

VAGUE SPOILER WARNING FOR SHADOW AND BONE BOOK SERIES-- I try hard not to mention why the Darkling/General Kirigan is the bad guy so that I don’t spoil anything,, but the reader finds out that he lies about his identity and that he’s super sketchy/not a good guy (again,, I avoided as many specifics as possible to keep it from being spoiler-y)

Warnings: lowkey manipulation, kissing/makeout, slight fingering

A/n y’all drove me to this lol,, pls be nice!! This is the closest to full on smut I’ve ever written!! Ahh I’m lowkey scared to post

Summary: the reader finds out something about the Darkling/General Kirigan, he finds a way to convince her to stay

No amount of evidence will ever be enough to convince me fully. A part of me will always hold onto unjustifiable doubt because a part of me hopes that if I hold onto the lies tight enough they’ll turn into the truth. But that’s not how the world works.

General Kirigan. Ravka put its faith in him. I put my faith in him. I did more than that. I pushed aside my reservations and doubt in order to try and comfort him when he spoke of loneliness. Was all that a lie as well?

No. I can’t afford to think of the emotional side of it all, because if I do I may find myself incapable of moving from this spot. I don’t have time to reflect on it all, to try and unravel hopeful lies and manipulative truths. That can be done when I’m not here. If I stay here, he’ll know I know and he’ll stop me from...what? What am I supposed to do next? I could find someone with some level of power to warn.

“There you are.” Kirigan. I’m turned towards the window, not facing him, but there is no weariness or malice in his voice. He has no reason to suspect my suspicion. “Are you unwell?”

Calm. I need to pass as calm. Not turning, I force myself to ignore the endearing hint of concern in his voice. “No.” I can hear his measured footsteps. “Why would you think that?”

“I haven’t seen you all day,” he’s directly behind me now. If I turn, I’ll practically be against his chest. “And you didn’t come see me last night.”

Oh. I knew it was a mistake to begin to pull on such a small thread so close to when he expected to see me, but it kept gnawing on me. That doubt. That tiny thing I couldn’t ever let go off. “I fell asleep.” No--I cringe at my impulsive response. He knows how difficult it is for me to fall asleep. “Yesterday was just really...draining.”

In an easy movement, he places his hand on my shoulder. It’s a silent request for me to turn. Exhaling, I obey. Why? I could lie to myself and say that I’m listening to him in order to kill his suspicions, but the effect he has on me is undeniable. Even before touching each other became a casual thing on his part, my body wanted to react to him.

He’s quick to cup my face, tilting my chin up slightly so that I can’t avoid his gaze. “What troubles you, little dove?” A nickname for when he’s feeling particularly gentle. Thoughts of the evil he has to be twist my stomach as my face flushes. Kirigan’s thumb brushes over the corner of my bottom lip, stalling as I fight the urge to melt into the contact. I meet his tense gaze cautiously. “You said nothing could make you look at me differently.” No. There’s no way he figured out my change with one look alone. I’ll deny it. I’ll do what I need to do to be convincing, and then I’ll manage to escape. His grip on my shoulder tightens. “Don’t you dare lie to me again.”

The urge to snap and point out the sick irony of him telling me not to lie at him almost forces me to break. His gaze starts to shift away from me--towards the half packed escape bag I’d been in the middle of constructing. I stretch my arms forward, desperate to keep his gaze on me and away from what I can’t explain.

Kirigan’s free hand moves to pull my hand off of his cheek, but he pauses, eyes shutting in peaceful contentment. “What do you know?”

I expected his words to be angry, to border on violent...but he just sounds tired. Please, Saints, let me be wrong. “Is there anything to know?” The only reaction I get is the slightest stall of his breathing. “You said you didn’t want to be alone anymo--”

“I don’t.” The harshness of his words almost coax a small flinch from me.

Swallowing back the knot in my stomach, I exhale slowly. “A part of not being alone is being honest.”

His eyes finally open. I don’t dare move as he moves my hand off of his cheek so that he can brush his lips against my knuckles. I suppress an embarrassing shudder. “You wouldn’t have stayed--if you knew you wouldn’t ha--”

No denial. I can’t--I can’t do this. “You know what the worst part is?” I can’t believe I’m about to say this. I can’t believe it’s true. “I might have.” Those words break something in me as I force myself away from him. The lack of contact leaves me more frozen than ever. “I might have! I might have been able to bear all the monstrous things you’ve done if you had just--”

“What?!” He meets my outburst with one of equal power. “You might have stayed regardless?” The way he scoffs leaves me feeling like a wandering child. “You might have still looked at me like I hung the stars in the sky instead of like I’m the darkness they fight against?” I stay silent as he steps forward, quick to hold my chin in place with his long fingers. “I couldn’t risk you on possibility.” Kirigan’s gaze is so intense, a part of me is surprised that shadows don’t come at me--drowning me in darkness and him. “And don’t think me foolish enough to believe that someone like you would understand that I have to do what I’m doing--”

“Have to?” No--how did I almost let him lure me back in so easily. I pull myself away, approaching my open wardrobe. “That’s not past tense.” He’s still--he’s still actively hurting people. Why had I been so stupidly naive to think that maybe this was all history? “I--I can’t do this.”

Each step towards the exit of the room chips away at a piece of my soul. “You’re not walking away from me,” his strong grip is on my arm in a sharp instinct, “I won’t--I can’t be alone again.”

I swallow back the lump of emotion in my throat. “You already are.”

His eyes are pleading, pools of frightened adoration. “No--no,” he steps towards me, not releasing his grip on my arm, “You’re hurt that I lied, but now I’ll never have to lie to you again.” I push against his grip. Kirigan doesn’t release me. “Y/n,” my name is a lament from his lips, “Please.”

My eyes round out as my heart leaps into my chest. “I used to think that you were only touched by the darkness, but now I’m not sure you can tell where the darkness ends and you begin.” His grip just barely falters. Maybe it’s acceptance.

I shift weakly, a softer attempt to escape. His grip tightens even more than before as he tugs me forward. The reminder of his physical strength leaves me frozen in shock. I can’t read his expression, but something about him has darkened. When I don’t pull away again, his thumb brushes up and down my forearm. The silkiness of his touch is warm temptation. I inhale slowly as he moves his other arm in order to touch my shoulder. The contact is almost shy.

“Kirigan,” my voice betrays me, breaking as his fingers trace down my collar, “What--what are you doing?”

He tilts his head, taking in the way his touch rids my body of fight. “Nothing, really.” His voice is low, supple in its assuredness. “You’re the only person who has ever seen me--and for you to leave me after that.”

“No,” I try to step back, but my body freezes as he toys with the collar of my dress, “What I saw--what I found out--that wasn’t you.”

“It’s who I have to make myself be,” he whispers, “I’m doing what needs to be done.”

“That logic can earn you a lot,” my words are careful, “But it cannot earn you me.”

His hand brushes past my neck, finding the root of my hair. Kirigan pulls on it slightly, forcing me to expose my lower jaw and neck. I’m still as he leans forward, warm breath fanning across my skin. I fight against a shiver in vain as his lips brush down my skin, only stopping as he nips the base of my neck. I can’t help the small sound of surprise that escapes me.

“Are you sure about that?” Blood rushes to my face, motivated by both embarrassment and something else. “Little dove, don’t ruin us.” His touch is warm, but his words leave me with an uncomfortable chill. In an attempt to escape the coldness, I half-press myself into the trail of soft and desperate kisses he’s leaving down my neck.

Kirigan pauses, exhaling slowly, and I feel some mental strength return to me. “There can’t be an us--not like this.”

“Y/n.” He never uses my name. “You are the only light I know.” His words steal something from me as he pulls away enough to look me in the eyes. “I can’t handle the weight of solitude anymore--it’s worse than the dark.”

I am unflinching, watching him with a markman’s care. Kirigan takes my silence as a positive. I don’t move as his gaze drops to my lips before he presses his own together. I don’t move as he destroys the distance between us like it’s some type of unbearable weight. His lips meet mine with enough force to bruise my face. The surprise of it gives him the chance to coax my lips into parting as his hands move to either side of my face. My body reacts without my permission, letting him deepen the kiss. Every time I find some kind of free will, Kirigan pushes it away with some kind of tactful lull of his tongue. Keeping his control, Kirigan ends the kiss by grazing sharp teeth against my bottom lip.

I’m left panting. “You’re--you lied, Kirigan--I--”

“You told me once you could never see me as a monster.”

“I said that to a version of you that technically doesn’t exist.”

The grief in my chest and desire in my stomach twist in a nauseating way. Kirigan’s eyes watch me patiently, a pain similar to my own reflected in them. “Who I am when I’m with you is less fictitious than any identity I’ve ever given myself.”

The vulnerability in his voice is as alluring and distracting as the kiss. I find myself thinking of the warmth of his mouth against my skin. He had kissed me like the cure for ancient solitude could come from me. I think he had a point, because now that he’s not touching me in that way I feel the familiar tugs of cold emptiness.

“I don’t understa--” My words are cut off by his lips brushing against mine.

His touch is soft, but it’s far from shy as he draws out the kiss. It’s an attempt to keep me on edge, to keep me wanting him enough to push past my doubts. “Y/n,” there’s a reverent quality to his voice, “I--” Kirigan grabs the collar of my dress, pulling me to him sharply. His kiss conveys things that neither of us truly understand. “Don’t go.”

I don’t want to. The realization is a cruel wave crashing against my chest. “You lie to everyone, you lie to me--you--you hurt and destroy and I--” One of his hands brushes against the hem of my dress. “What are you,” the words are supposed to be sharp, but my resolve melts as his hand presses firmly against my thigh, “Doing?”

“You know me,” he draws out each word as his fingers graze towards the inside of my thighs. The cool metal of his rings are practically ice against my flushed skin. “Little dove, trust me.”

My nails dig into my palms as I try to ignore what he’s doing. “I did and you betrayed me.”

“I couldn’t lose you,” he whispers, thumb inching up my inner thigh.

I press my lips together, fighting against a natural reaction. “You did lose me.”

Kirigan’s eyes darken as his grip on my thigh tightens. “We’ll move past this.” He’s both pleading and assured. “I think I know how to make it up to you.” He trails his hand up my thigh swiftly, stopping with his hand on my lower hip. Shamelessly, he toys with the hem of my underwear. “The only thing that’s really changed is that now I’m touching you like this.”

The only thing I can do is gape at him. He’s a villain, his hands are coated in unnecessarily spilled blood, and I am helpless against his slightest touch. I should try pushing him away or at the very least resist his blatant advantages. His fingers brush down my underwear, stopping at a growing wet spot. The knowing look he gives me burns my core. I try to keep my expression hard in a final form of protest, but when he presses his pointer finger against me all the resolve in me is shattered.

My eyebrows draw together as a small sound escapes me, “Kirigan.” I can’t tell if it’s praise or a warning.

He pauses, hand retracting slightly at my whining. “Y/n,” his other hand cups my cheek. I lean into the contact without permission from my body. “There is only one name that I have not given myself and only one name I want to hear you breathe like that.” His thumb traces my lips softly. I don’t move as he leans forward, turning his lips towards my ear.

“Aleksander.” His name is nothing more than a breath, a stolen heartbeat on his lips.

He presses his fingers against where I’m the weakest again. My hips grind forward instinctually, desperate for more contact as he kisses the top of my jaw.

“Aleksander.” The name escapes me in the form of a broken moan. Speaking it feels more intimate than the way he’s touching me.

There’s the slightest pause in his consuming actions. “Again,” he breathes, “Say my name again.” His request is so soft it feels like he’s more at my mercy than I am at his.

My eyes shut as his teeth graze my neck. “Aleksander.” At the sound of his name, his teeth brush against my skin harder than ever.

When he starts to pull away, I reach out desperately, grabbing his kefta. “I thought you wanted to leave, little dove.”

No. No. He is not going to get me to agree to stay by giving me something as intimate as his original name and by denying me his touch. “Please.”

He reaches for my hand, pulling it off of him cruelly. “Do you want to stay with me?”

I know which answer will get me what I really want, but I’m not sure which answer is true. Do I want to stay with him? Even after knowing what he’s done? “I don’t want to leave you.” The vulnerability of the statement cracks at my heart. He turns away from me in order to face the wall. I take a tentative step towards. “But I’m not sure what I want matters.”

In one quick motion, he’s yanking more forward and pressing me into the wall. “Of course desire matters,” his body is pressed against mine almost entirely, “It means something.” He brushes his knuckles against my cheek. “It means you could choose me.”

What could I say to that? I part my lips to speak but he silences me by pressing his lips against my jaw. I offer no protest as he starts touching me the way he did earlier. I’m more desperate now, more needy and okay with that. His fingers slip past my underwear testingly, hesitating before finally entering me slowly.

“Aleksander,” my voice is so needy I’m not sure it’s my own.

“I want you to say my name like that again,” he whispers, kissing down my collarbone as he begins to press his fingers in and out of me faster, “And I want you to say my name casually,” his pace doesn’t slow, even when I begin to let out indistinguishable whines, “And I want you to say my name while you’re falling asleep,” his touch becomes more aggressive as his words become more sincere, “And I want you to say my name every other way there is to say it.”

The bundle of nerves in the pit of my stomach grows until there’s nothing else for me to hold onto. I finish with a sharp gasp. The feeling of euphoria is only intensified as Aleksander begins to kiss up my jaw before finally pressing our lips together.

I break the kiss first, desperate to breathe. Have my legs been so shaky this entire time? Aleksander lets me recover, resting his head against my forehead. “I’m tired of being alone.”

I imagine all the foul acts he’s committed and all the bad he wants to bring. I picture all the innocent blood he’s spilled. I see all of it--every horror and dark deed he’s ever committed. But I cannot see me leaving him. Maybe that makes me a monster, maybe that makes me an idiot...but I can’t do it.

Slowly, I move to drape my arms over his back in a loose hug. “You’re not alone, Aleksander.” I’m not sure what that signifies, but I know it’s true. There has to be good in him. No one capable of such warmth can be pure evil. “I choose you.”

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