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boxwinebaddie · 2 months

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Hi Uncle Nina! What kind of movies do Ravenstan and Jerseykyle like to watch? ^^

OOOOOOOH! so as with everything, i Definitely think jersey is a snob. movies are no exception. also he does not call movies 'movies', he 100% is annoying and pretentious as fuck and uses 'film' or 'cinema'. also speaking of being pretentious, annoying and the word 'cinema', i think ravesey's dynamic is super funny for a lot of reasons but in this case, it's funny to me bc when style watches movies together, kyle says shit like 'y'know i like the plot progression of the film, but i'm not a big fan of the cinema topography."

— and stan trying to be big brain is like "ya! i also hate the cinnamontophography." <3 skdhsldsk bless him and kyle is abt to correct him bc ohhh my fucking god, but lowkey he tried his best and that was very cute, so kyle just kisses him on the cheek, squeezes his shoulder, stifles a laugh and is like "well, i guess you're the expert, cinnamon boy." <3 jersey stop being Sweet and Lovely!!!

anyways, jersey is giving me the energy of those kids in elementary school that adults say have an 'old soul' and likes really complex abstract movies, foreign films in black and white that play at some tiny theater for $5 on fridays, which, kyle is obviously a homebody and hates other people, but when he needs air or is feeling briefly zesty/willing to endure human beings enough to see a movie ( which, granted, it's def just him and the old ass man/annoying indie college student that run the place shooting the shit in there ), he will...make the trip out there and buy a pack of skittles and a sparkling ice ( okay, i had an anon say that kyle probably drinks those sparkling ice drinks and i fucking cried bc he DEFINETELY does and it's def the black cherry flavor bc kyle is cherry coded, however he will also accept the raspberry one or the fruit punch in a punch ) and ofc only eat the red skittles, smh.

i do think he still likes all the regular kyle scifi movies/high fantasy movies, stuff with dystopian societies/political uprisings ( him & stan have overlap there and obvi some high fantasy/scifi stuff but kyle has to explain a lot of it, kyle do be mansplaining shit but its okay because stan loves the sound of his voice <3 gay ) specifically things with deep complex lore, movies with puzzles/things that need to be solved, def watched interstellar a couple times and like, donnie darko bc of all the time lore ( that movie does freak him out btw, he was clenching hard the first time he watched it because he thought that the fucking rabbit dude was gonna kill everyone and it was gonna turn into a horror movie which...more on that subject l8r )

and i bet you he says his fav movie is some big brain movie in like swedish, black and white, is all philisophical and pretentious and deep but tbh...? i think jersey's favorite movies are specifically old romance movies like fkn casablanca, gone with the wind type stuff. yes, kyle being a secret romantic boy is very cute to me, i fucking love him so much, he is secretly v sentimental and warm.

if you've seen gossip girl, jersey is a blair waldorf variant

( which, okay sidebar for nina lore but i watched a fuck ton of gossip girl growing up and i had such a fat crush on serena van der woodsen, like not even blake lively, specifically serena van der woodsen like i have mental problems, i would not fumble her, fuck you so much, dan humphrey, serena please ONE CHANCE!!!!!! )

and i think he fucks very heavy with audrey hepburn and her movies, like roman holiday, sabrina, okay my fair lady is so jersey coded bc of his new jersey slaughterhouse accent/its a musical and he is a dork, he does like musicals so much buuuut i think his favorite movie is my favorite movie which is...breakfast at tiffany's. WHICH???

okay, if you think about it is super interesting given stan's previous line of work ( which okay, i know he wasn't really doing anything and just sort of enduring it to be able to sing, but being trapped in that uncomfortable, hypersexual environment and being constantly percieved & being constantly obsessed over. )

he do be skipping over the all the really insensitive shit w/ the overblown racist asian caricature of holly's neighbor ( that man is too loud anyways he's like please shut up, his ears are sensitive...both to sound and just in general, fml there's a nsfw headcannon abt that ) but idk all the romantic stuff is very cute, he likes the cinnamontophography, all of holly's stuff about getting over her fear of commitment, the fashion statements...chef's kiss to him.

i think he also fucks secretly with pride and prejudice like pep!kyle wHERE IS THE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE THEMED MARRIAGE PROPOSAL STAN I'M WAITING!!!! kyle can quote it line for line, i think he likes when they're set in victorian periods like omg i bet you he watched bridgerton and was obsessed lmaooo, all the adpations of emma jane austen movies, atonement...stuff like that. he does make stan watch them with him sometimes and stan is so hopeless his adhd is so bad he needs ACTION also all the shakespeare-y speak stresses him out so bad, he asks so many questions and can't sit still.

he does...sigh, strategically time makeout sessions In The Middle Of Movies when he gets bored, kyle is like stanley marsh that is not going to work...it does...work everytime skdhshds speaking of that nsfw hc, kyle's neck and ears are hella sensitive so if you like drag ur teeth along his ear or start trailing kisses down his neck, his mind goes completely blank, stan does it when kyle's yelling at him about stuff all the time, kyle gets so mad at him later...and i do mean later because he is like i have to do something first ( hint: it's stan, lmao )

SPEAKING OF STAN!!!!! in vein of them being opposites attract kings, stan is naught an old soul ( i mean, in terms of music, he is sorta vintage ) and fucks very heavy with new movies. he really likes actiony stuff, lots of explosions and shit, very loud, very fast-paced. i feel like he likes superhero movies, like part of the stan name is because he was like eight and thought stan lee was a GENIUS. he watched into the spiderverse like...40 times. he has mental problems. stan likes cars, he does like the fast and furious movies, smh.

i think he...Specifically likes horror movies, though? because he is a spooky ooky edgy boy halloween KING? they just scratch an itch in his brain and he is engaged the entire time because there is either constant suspense or crazy amounts of action and running around. KYLE HATES IT, BTW!!!! kyle is a scaredy cat. like he is the scariest motherfucker on planet earth in person, but the silences and shit freak him out so much, he is not good with jump scares, he is behind his hands, in stan's lap, swearing soooo much like stanstanstan what the fuck I SWEAR TO GOD IF THAT WAS THE INVISIBLE MAN, I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF, HOLY SHIT DID THAT JUST mOVE??? stan is deeply amused and thinks it is adorable, so he does subject kyle to stan spooky scary movie hour sometimes just to hold him...gaaaaay! idk which one is his favorite i have to get back to you on that. if you have suggestions like me know haha i am also...a scaredy cat.

a couple last things on stan and horror movies though is, i feel like that might be a contreversial take because stan doesn't like blood, but i think the scenarios being fake and because he works with so much fake blood doing whore-ror crimson dawn music videos, he just knows what it looks like and can tell hella quick. if he knows it's not real, it does not freak him out. i think he only thing he doesn't like is animals being killed...like people are fine??? help??? oh my god??? but not dogs or anything. he will cry and cower.

i also think that...weirdly...it combats his ptsd? specfifically final girl type movies where someone lives and kills the antagonist in a horror movie because it's very...relevant to him and reminds him that you can survive something horrible and be okay. and again, even when it's a total wipeout and not a happy ending, the catharsis of being scared and surprised is relaxing to him and knowing scary things can happen and be fake/everyday is not war or hell is good for him. he does avoid specifically triggering things with farms or fire? unless there is something where setting something on fire as a final girl/boy saves the town or everyone because...again...relevant and healing.

idk...complicated, but we get my gist, yeah?

i think they do a movie night once a week or something and they alternate choosing...they also complain bc their movie tastes are so different but love conquers all lmao, and they can always watch lotr and star wars and stuff. I THINK WHEN THEY'RE BEING CUTE THEY WATCH STUDIO GHIBLI MOVIES AND STUFF??? SO CUTE OMG. speaking of cartoons and anime adjacent things...stan do be making kyle watch stanime...kyle is in hell...jersey is like why are there so many boobs, why are they screaming, why are there 1000 episodes, he does also strategically plan makeout sessions ( i am so sorry it doesn't always work, stans boyfail cringe energy is so strong it's so awful, kyle is like literally on top of him and is like ;) if you turn the tv off, i can turn something else on and stan is like baby, you are blocking the epic battle scene, he's about to charge up his attack!!! KHDLSK I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN KYLE IS GONNA KILL HIM )

they do watch a lot of tv shows together, kyle's comfort television shows are still say yes to the dress and masterchef/gordon ramsey food network cooking competition type stuff — bc i'm watching next level chef, they are also watching next level chef and they scream so much like bRO HE'S GONNA MISS THE PLATFORM WHAT THE FUCK WHAT IS HE DOING!!!! it's so funny

speaking of say yes to the dress tho and stuff like that when kyle comes in all busted up from his bar fight and stan's patching it up, towards the end of that interaction right before they get back together, kyle is like "did you watch the new one?" and stan's like "no. i couldn't watch it without you. & even if i could, i wouldn't bc i don't know, i just didn't want to think about people being in..."

and kyle just takes a deep, steep breath and is like...

"...love."

and stan nods.

fuck my life.

ANYWAYS! there you go!

-uncle nina, butcherer of headcannons

#this was so long i am so sorry i had a lot to say #i hope this makes sense and feels right it felt right to me ig?#it made sense to me? idk idk idk #but no kyle is definetely an old school dramatic romantic movie boy even if he doesnt look like it and will lie & say hes not #it makes his heart warm and his eyes shiny omg #stan initiating makeout sessions when he gets bored is so real oh my god kyle is so weak too hes like Stan Absolutely Not #buuut it works everytime literally every time im not even joking hes like siGGghhh *pause* the netflix 'are u still watching'#no they are not...no they are absolutely not #jersey is def the type to watch those dramatic british victorian romance movies swooning over hands tensing and veins and shit #he is so touchy feely on the low im crying #MEANWHILE STAN IS ROMANCE BOY BUT HE DOES NOT HAVE TIME FOR THAT SHIT HE IS MOVING #HE IS SO SLAM WHAM POW WHACK SMACK #people fighting and shit? beating up bad guys? car chases explosions aliens monsters ACTION #hes so with it his eyes also get shiny he gets so excited #kyle does not watch anything he just watches stan get excited abt stuff and stan vice versa im love them #STAN AND HORROR MOVIES IS REAL THO HIM USING IT TO FIGHT HIS PTSD IT MEANS A LOT TO ME IT FEELS RIGHT TO ME #like just overcoming fear and just being constantly engaged bc of the suspense and all the running and stuff but yeah horror movies #specifically when the protagonist lives or says most of their friends or their town and defeats the big evil...good for stan #jersey kyle being baby asf and in stans lap is also v cute to me #it is very cute to stan he is like mi amor its gonna be ok!!!#kyle is like im gonna kill myself its gonna jump out rn okay im ready im ready n HES STILL NOT READY FOR IT LIKE WHAT THE FUCK

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1bringthesun · 2 years

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okay i do NOT know how tumblr works so i’m making this new post bcuz someone commented about the Mori comment i made last post so basically i’ll go over a crash course on why i don’t think he’s a pedo!

1) he calls Elise his wife

yup, he says this in an omake of bsd. however, the word he uses in this context is 妻 (tsuma), which is used to mean wife NOW, but meant something more along the lines of “lifelong partner” in the past. he’s being a screwy bastard and trying to toy with Fukuzawa by using a word that means either “wife” or “partner,” but basically he’s trying to see how far he can take it. calling a kid your wife is strange, sure, but calling a kid your partner could really mean anything.

2) he sees Elise naked

tbh i’m not really sure why this one proves anything. he’s trying to put clothes ON her, not take them off. he doesn’t look aroused or anything. actually, he looks… no thoughts brain empty. there’s not a single thought in that head of his at this moment, much less any sexual comments about Elise’s body.

3) Elise is based off of Yosano, Mori was obsessed with Yosano

once again, there’s nothing inherently sexual here. he abused Yosano (not with the intention to hurt her, but with the idea that her mental and physical well-being were a worthy sacrifice for the hundreds of thousands of other lives on the line), he didn’t prey on her? he canonically feels remorseful over Dazai’s lack of will to live, so it’s not too much of a stretch to say he has regrets about Yosano as well. in that case, Elise would represent the petulant and innocent attitude Yosano could have developed instead of her hardened views of the world. i think he sees Elise as a daughter, and i think he regrets not being able to treat Yosano as one either

4) “i prefer those 12 and under”

i’m foggy on the details, but he says something to that effect in a conversation with Kouyou. The context is that she’s calling him a capable boss, to which he replies, “i prefer my subordinates to be younger” (or something…). once again, this isn’t something that strikes me as inherently pedophilic. he likes young subordinates because they are weak and impressionable, and that sort of docile attitude just so happens to fit in well with his pastime of mansplain manipulate malewifing the yokohama underground. anyway, it’s nothing sexual. his organization literally human traffics, and he’s never once stepped in to do strange things to the children on their way to be sold. he couldn’t care less about them, he just wants smart yet dependent and naive underlings. also anyone who read this scene as them flirting is very ill-read in my opinion. they are not flirting. stick your shipping agenda back into fanon interpretation of characters. Mori and Kouyou are girlbossing the entirety of the port mafia together, but they’re not girbossing each other.

5) his character sheet

his character sheet does indeed have “young girls” in the likes category, but let me amend this- the words used are 幼女, aka “maiden.” you might say, “tai, japanese doesn’t differentiate singulars and plurals,” to which i reply, “have we seen him even interacting with woman out of his job?” the answer is no. he basically speaks to Elise and Kouyou, and there’s his female companionship. he’s married to his job, guys. he doesn’t have the time to frolic around with young women. but anyway, it doesn’t say “young girls,” it says “maiden(s)” so just take the plurality in the translation with a grain of salt. it could be referring to one single girl (Elise cough cough) (his daughter cough cough). also please ignore how astoundingly high res this image is.

6) Mori and fukuzawa’s argument

who’s surprised at this point when i say that this was also a mistranslation? not me! Mori says something to the effect of, “are you still fawning over stray cats?” to which Fukuzawa replies “and are you fawning over that girl still?” it was translated, for some inconceivable reason, as “only as much as you fawn over young girls” (or something) which i just don’t understand. yenpress, look me in the eye, this is not you. anyway zenki soukoku beloved.

7) letter to nathaniel

Mori plans on killing nathaniel and margret in the guild arc, right? so he has absolutely zero reason to lie when he sends them a letter saying “i want your ship and also you guys’ lives. thanks uwu” right ????? in the official translation in that letter, he calls Elise his child. idk how much more specific you can get there, chief. Elise is Mori’s daughter, your honor.

is this all i have to say? absolutely not. i could talk my head off about why Mori isn’t a pedo for ages, and i can connect it to “vita sexualis,” “the dancing girl,” Asagiri’s own opinion on Ougai’s legacy as an author and general, the irl Mori and Yosano’s relationship in comparison to the bsd version, and also the opinions of the fans in different languaged-fanbases. unfortunately, it’s way too early for my brain to function, and i now depart to feel the warm embrace of my very own Yoshiko chan. goodbye, tumblr, and i hope you agree with what i’ve said in this long-winded message~~

#mori ougai #elise #bungou stray dogs #rant #spare me please #god i have too many thoughts #someone kill me now #anyway Mori is so pretty and you guys just aren’t ready to handle his swag

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capn-o-my-soul · 9 months

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can someone pls help me determine whether or not i accidentally mansplained to someone

(long ass post)

<head>

ok so im going to give quite an excessive amount of detail here but i feel like it is necessary because i think i might have mansplained to one of my only friends today and i feel really bad about it.

(btw im (a senior) in high school)

also my friend Anon mentioned in this post is not male.

also also i don't think i ordinarily exhibit traits of toxic masculinity or even masculinity (i've been told i could tell people i was a girl and they'd believe me if i changed my outfits a little bit)

</head>

so the marching band season started last week and basically that means we are learning how to march football game halftime shows for 11 hours a day for 5 days a week in the middle of summer.

in the morning we work on marching technique as well as setting the formations (the big shapes and patterns made of people) and in the afternoons we work on music (and a little more marching fundamentals), separated by an hour's lunch

today was especially hot (irrelevant)

</exposition>

<body>

so today i came inside the school after the morning practice and put my stuff down in the trumpet room (each section puts their stuff in a classroom) and then i washed the sunscreen off of me and went to sit down with my friend Anon for lunch (i don't normally eat lunch but i still like to sit with them while they eat lunch)

and so Anon was eating lunch and we were talking and then Anon sees one of their friends (who is in the color guard (the people with the fun flags and (fake) rifles)) and was like "HI [name]!!!" and Anon's friend came over and was like y'know talking and stuff like a normal person might.

the color guard at my school does marching outside with the band during the morning then has a four hour break then comes back in the evening to work on flag twirling technique

so Anon's friend was on their four-hour break which starts at the same time as my lunch

</irrelevant section>

so Anon's friend came over (i'm in a computer science club with them (them as in Anon's friend) so i've spoken to them a couple times) and i was like "hi" and then Anon asked what Anon's friend was up to. Anon's friend said that they were studying for the upcoming August SAT (which i am also in the process of studying for) and i said "omg im working on that too!" and they were like "omg cool yeah i'm trying really hard to get a good score on this one because i DO NOT want to have to have it hanging over my head until the october SAT" (the october SAT is the only one after august until december and college applications are due in between november and january)

my school makes all sophomores and juniors take the PSAT for free on one day in october. on the same day, seniors optionally take the SAT for free.

additionally, there is another date that the SAT is offered (not for free and not by my school) that is also in october

</relevant side note section>

and then Anon was like "yeah i'm not doing early action or early decision or anything so i'm probably going to take some extra time to study up for the october SAT"

[here's where i think i went wrong]

then i asked Anon "are you taking the free SAT at our school or are you taking the other one?"

then they seemed a little bit confused which to me seemed to indicate that they weren't aware of the one offered by our school.

then i said "the one offered by our school as in the one on that one day in october each year where all the sophomores and juniors take the PSAT and the seniors take the SAT for free"

and they seemed to hesitate a little bit before resuming the normal pace of conversation (which could have been my imagination as i was exhausted) which to me seemed to indicate that i did something wrong

at this point i don't even recall the rest of the conversation or even the rest of lunch for the most part because i was thinking about this the whole time.

(Anon didn't seem upset or anything and there was no perceptible change in the mood)

</body>

so what do you guys think

did i mansplain to them

thank you for your time and as a reward for reading this whole thing i shall grant thee a silly, low-quality picture of my cat

#advice #morals #mansplaining #patriarchy #196 #yes i put the 196 there because i want people to see it because nobody would probably see this otherwise #friend advice #relationship #relationships

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mychemicalimagines · 2 years

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Ray of Sunshine-Dwayne Hoover-Chapter 5

Summary: Seventeen-year-olds Dwayne Hoover and Tyler Walker (or Ty as she’s affectionately known in the Hoover house) have been best friends since they were born. His mom and her mom are best friends too, so they had every chance to be together. They only have each other and are madly in love. However, the other person doesn’t know about their friend’s feelings. Will a chaos filled trip to California for his little sister’s beauty pageant allow these feelings to surface and let the childhood friends become more or will the the inseparable duo keep them bottled inside, not wanting to risk that cherished friendship that’s always been a little more?

Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI! Language, Talk of Underage Sex, Mentions of Attempted Suicide - not by Dwayne or OC, Fat Shaming of a Seven Year Old, Absent Parent, Death of Character - Not Dwayne or OC, ALL Warnings for the movie apply to this series!

Words: 4,511

Tag List: Reblogging

A/N: Thank you so much for waiting. We’ve been working hard on different series to get out to you but we’ve definitely been working on this for ya! 5 Comments = Next Chapter!

To Be Tagged: Comment, Message Me, Submit an Ask, or Tag Yourself in My Bio!

Third Person POV

After everyone finishes with their breakfast, Richard rushes outside to call Stan before they get on the road. Tyler shakes her head, watching him run out the door as she wipes her mouth with her napkin. Sheryl hands the waitress her debit card before taking the last bite of her food. When the waitress returns, she puts the card back in her wallet before everyone stands up.

They all exit the building, noticing the man standing to the side on his cell phone. Sheryl approaches him but everyone else starts walking toward the RV.

“You get him?” She asks, putting her sunglasses on.

“No. I can’t get a signal out of this thing…” He starts but she starts walking away from him.

He sighs and looks at the bars on his phone again before putting it on the clip of his belt, walking after his family.

“How long till we get there?” Olive asks, glancing up at her father.

“A long time, honey.” He answers.

“I know, but…how long?” She asks again.

“Well, we’re doing six hundred miles today and two hundred miles tomorrow. It’s a lot of driving. Let’s go.” He waves for his family to hurry up.

Tyler raises an eyebrow as he makes his way to the front of the group. She leans over toward Dwayne who is walking beside her, his hand on her lower back.

“He does realize that we're all right here, right?” She whispers, glancing at him.

He shrugs and shakes his head, silently informing her ‘he’s an idiot.’

“Honey, I’ll drive for a while.” Sheryl speaks up, fixing the sunglasses.

“No. no. I got this.” Richard shakes his head.

“No, you’re right. I gotta learn to do this. I mean, you’re doing it. How hard can it be?” She shrugs.

“But, Sheryl. You tried driving with my mom’s car and it didn’t work out very well.” Tyler says, walking past her.

“It’s okay, Ty.” She pats her back as the young girl walks by. “Richard is here this time to show me.”

Everyone gets into the bus, this time with Sheryl behind the wheel. She starts the vehicle, but when she tries to back up, she starts grinding the gears. Tyler lays her head on Dwayne’s shoulder, listening to the gears grind just like they did when she was being taught how to drive. She did end up getting her license but that was after Sheryl used her own car to teach her.

“Push the stick down hard.” Richard says, watching her.

“I’m pushing hard.” She says, trying her best.

“Push the clutch in all the way to the floor!”

“It’s on the floor!”

After a few more seconds, and exhausting even himself with his mansplaining directions, Richard wants to try, wondering why it’s not working, thinking that his wife is obviously not doing it right, and that it’s not the vehicle itself. Sheryl smirks with her arms crossed from outside the driver’s side door.

“It’s just…sticking on there.” He grunts, pushing down on the shifter.

“Push it down hard.” She says, monotonously, reiterating her husband’s earlier instructions.

The Hoover’s were forced to get the VW towed to the nearest mechanics. Inside the shop, Richard and Sheryl are talking to the lead mechanic, trying to figure out what’s wrong with their vehicle. Outside, Olive is pushing a large tire, getting her exercise in while Edwin watches. Frank is sitting on a cinderblock nearby, just waiting for the situation to resolve itself.

Dwayne and Tyler sit on the hood of a broken down car, staring toward the road, watching the cars drive by. Every so often, one of them would lean over and tell/write the other one a joke or something funny they’ve heard before. After about ten minutes of waiting on the hood of the car, Tyler looks to her left when she feels a tap on her arm.

He holds up his notepad, causing her to put her hand over her eyes to block out the sun so she can read what he has written.

‘An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body.’

She starts laughing, putting her hand on his upper arm to keep her balance.

He smirks, making sure she doesn’t fall off the car.

“Are you the old friend or the good friend?” She asks once she calms down.

He scribbles a few words down before holding up the pad again.

‘Definitely the good friend. Where’s the body?’

She shakes her head and laughs before leaning toward him.

“Nowhere yet, but if Richard keeps acting the way he is, I’ll have one later.” She whispers. “You’d be the first one I’d call.”

His smirk gets bigger. Frank, who can see the teens clearly, watches them with a small hidden smile. He’s betting they don’t realize how close their faces are right now. After watching them last night, cuddling in his bed, he began to think. He wasn’t sure about the answer to his theory but after watching them again, right now…he’s sure he’s correct.

There is no way these two don’t like each other. They spend literally every minute together. They have no other friends. He’s caught them on multiple occasions holding hands or at least, touching each other’s hand. They’ve technically snuggled while they were sitting, their heads on one another’s shoulders.

They…just aren’t together - at least not as anything other than friends, despite it being clear that they think of each other as more than that - and he’s wondering why. He watches as Dwayne writes something down and Tyler starts laughing again, this time putting her face against his shoulder. He notices the blush appear on his nephew’s face as he grins down at her.

Frank grins to himself and stands up, dusting off his pants.

“Come on, you two. Let’s see what’s going on.”

Dwayne slides down the hood of the car before putting his hand out toward his best friend. Tyler happily takes it, sliding down herself before standing straight. Never letting go of the other’s hand, they begin to walk toward his uncle, only letting go once they reach him. The trio begins walking straight to the building, stopping at the door to listen to the mechanic.

Sheryl walks toward them, shaking her head slightly. They can all tell she’s irritated.

“You don’t need the clutch to change from–from the third to the forth.” He says, gesturing with his hands. “You only really need the clutch to go from number one to number two. But as long as you keep parking on a hill, and you let it go, and it goes fifteen, twenty miles per hour, you start her in third and you go from third to fourth.”

“W-What if there’s no hill?” Richard asks, gesturing outside. “There’s no hill.”

“Yeah, it’s…” The mechanic cuts himself off with a grin and turns to look at the whole family.

After Edwin and Olive walk into the garage, he realizes how many people this man has with him. That’s how the Hoover family plus one was talked into pushing the bus. Richard opens the sliding door before looking at everyone, his father standing at the sliding door.

“Olive, Dad, I want you in the car first.” He says, walking around the back of the vehicle, noticing the mechanic was standing beside his step-son, ready to help.

“I know, we know.” Olive says as her mother rubs her back.

“Is everyone ready?” He asks, opening the driver side door, not waiting for an answer. “Alright! Push!”

Everyone, including the mechanic, begins to push the bus as hard as they can, causing it to slowly roll. Frank, who is using his forearm to push the bus, looks toward his sister and Tyler.

“I just want everyone here to know I’m the pre-eminent Proust Scholar in the United States.”

They start laughing as Sheryl’s husband jumps into the driver's seat.

“Here we go!” Richard calls out.

He starts the bus as it starts rolling faster and faster, everyone running behind it now. Grandpa jumps in and sits in Olive’s original seat, facing the side of the vehicle.

“Olive! Get in. I’m putting it in gear!” Richard yells out.

The young girl runs toward the sliding door, her grandfather calling for her. He grabs her arms and she jumps, getting into the bus.

“Sheryl!”

She starts running after her daughter, laughing and cheering before jumping in herself. She moves to the passenger seat and looks out the window. Tyler begins running, already out of breath from helping to push the van. Grandpa puts his arms out, ready to take her hands.

“I got you, little lady. You got this!” He calls out.

The bus is rolling at a steady pace now, already in third gear. Tyler grabs Edwin’s hands, using them as a way to jump in before sitting in the back seat, panting. Frank, noticing the family friend is in the vehicle, starts running, but he’s not as fast as she was.

“Slow down!” Sheryl says, noticing her brother is lagging slightly behind. “You’re losing them!”

“I can’t! I can’t slow down.” Richard says, slightly panicking.

“Come on, you dumb bastard.” Grandpa says, keeping his hands out.

Dwayne looks toward his uncle as the mechanic stops pushing beside him. He runs up behind Frank, pushing on his back, helping him. Frank gets the momentum he needs and jumps into the bus, almost landing in Tyler’s lap. It takes Dwayne a few seconds, with his family yelling at him, but he’s able to jump into the vehicle, this time actually being the one to land in Tyler’s lap since Frank had quickly moved seats after he got in.

She groans at the weight of her best friend as Sheryl cheers, happy everyone is in the bus.

“No one gets left behind!” Frank smacks the seat in front of him. “Outstanding, soldiers! Outstanding!”

Dwayne quickly moves to the seat beside her as Grandpa closes the sliding door.

“Did you have fun?” He asks, looking at Olive as he gets comfortable.

“Yeah.” She smiles widely, still panting.

After everyone catches their breath and they’re on the road, Frank and Dwayne switch seats, leaving Tyler in the middle so Frank and Grandpa can switch as well. Once everyone is back in their normal seats, they all relax, trying to enjoy the ride. After about ten minutes, Olive has put her headphones back on and Grandpa has fallen asleep, leaning against the window beside him.

Tyler looks up at her best friend and decides to tease him. “You’ve got a helluva boney ass. At least I’ve got a little extra cushion.”

Dwayne quickly looks around, making sure no one else heard before he playfully flips her off and grabs his notepad, scribbling something onto it and showing her.

‘Maybe I just never said anything about your boney ass.’

Tyler cracks up laughing at the :P he drew at the end of his statement.

“Nah,” She whispers, her tone still playful. “You’d have said something. You’re not really good at keeping ‘your mouth shut’ when something happens that you don’t like.”

He scrunches his brows, pursing his lips, pretending to think about what she said before shrugging with a nod and a large smile. He starts scribbling on his pad again, tilting it toward her.

‘I was just being nice!’

“Since when are you nice?” She smirks, crossing her arms as she leans back in her seat.

His mouth opens slightly in shock before he writes on his notepad again.

‘ALL THE TIME!’

“Sureeee, Dwayne. Sure…” She bites her lip to hide her smile as she uncrosses one arm to pat his knee.

He playfully glares at her and grabs her hand, holding it there. Frank glances back at them, a smile appearing on his face at their interaction. Sheryl, who was turned around, raises an eyebrow at her brother, confused on his grin. He glances down at Olive before scooting forward in his seat. His sister leans down, unsure if he wanted her husband to hear.

“Are Dwayne and Tyler always like that?” He whispers, gesturing behind him.

“Like what?” She murmurs, glancing at them.

“So close. Not like how we were as brother and sister growing up. Or even how close you and Abby were as best friends…but more like,” He pauses as he thinks. “How you and Matthew were? All cute and sappy. Like there was nothing else or no-one else in the world that mattered.”

Sheryl thinks for a moment as she thinks back over all of the times her son and her best friend’s daughter have hung out. Hand holding, small cuddles and laughter fill her mind. She glances back at the two teenagers to see her head on his shoulder as he looks out the window, a small smile on his face. After a long pause, she looks back at her brother.

“Now, that you say something…” She whispers. “...yeah. They’re always like that.”

“How long have they been like that?” He raises an eyebrow, resting his elbows on his knees.

“Umm, since they were like…ten?”

He nods slightly, glancing over his shoulder again before whispering. “I think there’s something there and they aren’t doing anything about it.”

“You think so too?” Her eyes widen slightly.

He nods again with a hidden smirk. “We gotta do something.”

“What are you guys doing?” Richard asks, glancing down at them.

The siblings sit up almost immediately, shaking their heads, acting as if they had just gotten caught by a parent in the middle of a scheming plan.

“Nothing, honey.” Sheryl says, patting her husband’s arm.

He raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t question it any further as his brother-in-law moves back into his seat.

The family has been driving for a total of six hours since they left the house and they’ve had to keep themselves occupied. Grandpa found some snacks and has been tossing popcorn in the air, catching it in his mouth to entertain Olive. It only lasted for about twenty minutes, though. Tyler and Dwayne have been reading their books, after playing a few more games of Tic-Tac-Toe on his notepad, but the bumpy ride kept breaking their concentration.

After a while, Richard realizes he never told his brother-in-law how he met Stan Grossman and started getting the Nine Steps up and running.

“...So finally I’m just sitting there, and I decide, you know ‘This is Stan Grossman. What the hell?’ And I start pitching him the nine steps. And about - I don’t know - two minutes in, he stops me, he says, ‘I can sell this’.” He grins at his wife.

“Mm-hmm. Interesting.” Frank says, nodding slightly.

Everyone, except for him, has heard this story about a million times. Grandpa is napping while Tyler and Dwayne are staring out the window. They still haven’t let go of one another’s hand, loving the feeling of the other's hand, one soft and the other rough with a few callouses. Sheryl rolls her eyes slightly at her husband as she blows a bubble with her gum, staring out the windshield.

Frank has left arm holding the elbow of his right arm, while his head leans against his right hand.

“Yeah, and this is the guy who knows how to do it. You start with a book, and then you do a media tour, corporate events, DVD, VHS series. I mean, there’s a whole fascinating science into how you roll these things out.” Richard continues.

“Wow.” Frank says, staring into space as if he was actually listening.

“Yeah, so he’s in Scottsdale right now, you know, building the buzz and kind of getting the whole hype thing going. He’s doing what the pros call a ticking clock auction.” He chuckles softly.

“Oh, how about that!” His brother in law says sarcastically, dropping his hands to his lap with a smirk on his face.

Tyler and Sheryl both try and hide their smiles at how quickly the conversation just changed. Richard, noticing the change in Frank’s demeanor, glances at him through the rearview mirror.

“Yeah, and I can detect that note of sarcasm there, Frank.”

“What sarcasm?” He chuckles. “I didn’t…I didn’t hear it!”

“But I want you to know something.” Richard says, cutting him off. “I feel sorry for you.”

“You do? Good.”

“Yeah, I do. Because sarcasm is the refuge of losers.” He continues.

“It is? Really?” He says, his sarcasm very prominent now.

Sheryl keeps glancing between them, a smile growing with each comment.

“Yep. Sarcasm is losers trying to bring winners down to their level, and that’s step four in the program.” Richard says, holding up four fingers.

Tyler bites her lip and hides her face in Dwayne’s shoulder, not wanting to be caught laughing at his step-father.

“Wow, Richard! You’ve really opened my eyes to what a loser I am! Say, how much do I owe you for those pearls of wisdom?” Frank asks, looking at him.

“Oh, that one’s on the house, buddy.” He glances back at him. “It’s on me.”

“It is?!”

“Yeah, it’s on the house!”

“Okay, you guys. Enough.” Sheryl smiles, putting her hands out to defuse the situation.

They all begin to talk over each other, blaming each other. They were loud enough that Grandpa had woken up. Tyler shakes her head against Dwayne’s shoulder, giggling softly as he smiles, still staring out the window. Richard’s phone starts ringing, cutting off their play fighting.

“Wait a second!” He says, grabbing it from his belt clip.

“You’re so bad.” Sheryl says with a grin as she smacks her brother's knee.

He shrugs with his own smile, looking back out the window. In a way, it’s almost like they were back - years and years ago - when they were kids and goofing off like this. It was one of the few times growing up where they were actually on the same side as siblings, instead of at each other’s throats like most brothers and sisters.

“Quiet! This is that call!” Richard says, answering the phone. “Hello? Hello? Stan?”

He begins moving, trying to get a better signal. When the call cuts out, he immediately gets off the highway and pulls into a small gas station, making sure to park on the slight incline of the parking lot before rushing to the pay phone. Wanting to get out of the bus, Tyler and Dwayne get out of the vehicle, walking to a small patch of grass nearby. Sheryl opens her door and looks back at her daughter.

“Honey, I’m gonna use the ladies room. You need to go?” She asks, stepping out.

“No. I’m gonna go practice my routine over there.” Olive answers, getting out of her seat.

“Okay, well, don’t go too far.” She says, walking toward the gas station.

Realizing he hasn’t done any of his exercises that morning, Dwayne begins to do his push ups as Tyler sits beside him, pulling at the grass. Getting an idea, she uncrosses her legs and rests them on his back, leaning back on her hands as if she was reclining in a chair. He raises an eyebrow at her, pausing his movements for a split second before continuing his exercise.

After a few minutes, she has gotten bored and decides to tease him.

“Twenty four - twenty five - twenty six…”

He pauses and looks at her, glaring playfully. She starts laughing, tilting her head back.

“What?” She giggles. “Did you lose count?”

He shakes his head slightly and starts his push ups again, of course not telling her what number he’s starting on. It may be twenty seven now.

“Eight - nine - ten. Come on, Dwayne. I thought you could do more than that.” She teases, causing him to stop again. “Usually you’re at like eighty by now!”

Tired of her shit, he puts his knees down on the ground and sits back on them, causing her legs to fall off his back.

She raises an eyebrow. “What? You know that I’m…”

Before she can finish her sentence, he moves toward her, immediately tickling her sides. She squeals loudly, trying to push him off but he’s way stronger than her. She falls back so she’s laying down in the grass and he straddles her legs, tickling her more. She laughs, trying to fight him off but the Hoover boy is too strong for her.

Playfully throwing her arms away from her body, he continues to tickle her sides, a large smile lingering on his face.

“Uncle! Uncle!” She squeals, trying to get away from him.

He stops and looks down at her, the smirk very prominent now. She’s panting slightly from all the laughing and screaming. After a second, she calms down but pauses when she realizes how close their faces have gotten. His eyes widen slightly before sitting him with a small, but silent, cough. He stands up and puts his hand out, helping her up from the grass.

Both of their faces are red now, but neither one of them care. Still holding hands, they walk over to the bus. Grandpa notices the two teens are walking back so he gets out and gestures toward their shared seat as if he was Vana White. Dwayne nods his thanks while Tyler giggles softly at his antics as they get in.

After making sure that they’re comfortable, Grandpa gets back in. Tyler leans her head against his shoulder as they relax into the seats. He pulls his book out, wanting to get some reading done while they are parked, scooting closer to his best friend so she’s even more comfortable. After a few minutes, Grandpa speaks up as he tilts his head down.

“Christ, he’s not getting it.”

Tyler looks out the open door of the van to see Richard clearly in distress, meaning his phone call isn’t going as well as he hoped. Sighing to herself, she sits up slightly, knowing that the rest of the ride isn’t going to be very peaceful. Frank leaves the store with a plastic bag in one hand and a drink cup in another, an embarrassed look on his face.

When he steps into the bus, he tosses the plastic bag at Grandpa, meaning whatever he bought belonged to him. Before she can ask what happened, she notices Sheryl walking out of the gas station. A small smirk on her lips as she sits up and almost mimics Grandpa’s stance, wanting to know what happened.

“So what happened?” Sheryl asks as Richard hangs up the phone.

“Nothing. Let’s get out of here.” He says before walking toward the bus.

“Wait a minute.” She says, walking to catch up with him. “I thought you said this was a done deal?”

“He said it was a done deal.” He sighs, never slowing his walk.

“You didn’t get anything?” She asks but he never answers. “Where does that leave us?”

“Fucked. That’s where it leaves us.”

“I can’t believe I’m hearing this. Did you try negotiating…?”

Richard immediately turns toward her and snaps, trying to keep his voice down.

“Yes, I tried! What do you think…Let’s just go, okay?”

He sighs and gets into the driver’s seat but his wife wasn’t having it. She glares at him through the windshield, never even blinking. He narrows his eyes and leans his head out of the window.

“Let’s go!”

Walking around the car, never breaking her eye contact on him, Sheryl gets into the passenger seat and slams the door. He lets out a deep breath and starts the bus, allowing it to slowly roll down the hill he parked on. After a few minutes, they’re back on the highway, the bus completely silent. Dwayne starts to realize that they are down a person.

He leans over Tyler slightly to look over the seat, causing his best friend to raise an eyebrow. He ignores her and looks into the back of the bus where all the luggage is. He immediately grabs his notepad and scribbles a few words before handing it to his uncle. Frank takes the pad and reads aloud.

“Where’s Olive?”

Tyler’s eyes widen as she sits forward and looks over the seat, almost exactly like he did a few seconds earlier. Sheryl turns around and looks at the empty spot.

“Oh!”

Richard gets off the highway almost instantly and drives back to the gas station. Standing next to the phone booth is Olive, who has a large smile on her face as she sees the yellow VW bus driving into the lot.

Without slowing down, Richard drives by her, forcing her to run alongside it. The door slides open and Frank holds his arms out.

“Come on, Olive.”

She grabs onto his arms, and jumps into the bus, not caring that everyone they’re driving by is staring confused.

“I got her! I got her!” Frank chants slightly, moving over so Olive can sit in her seat.

Tyler and Dwayne let out a breath almost in sync. They can’t believe they let Olive get left behind. It was an accident but still! Something could have happened to her.

It’s been about an hour since they picked Olive back up and everyone besides her is tense. She’s the only one who doesn’t know that her father’s plan completely backfired and that her uncle just saw the guy he was in love with watch him buy porno mags for Grandpa. Tyler and Dwayne play hangman using his notepad, needing to keep their minds off the day that they’ve had.

The words she chooses are JET PLANE, but he’s not getting it, and he’s one move away from his stickman dying. Wanting to tell his son something, Edwin stands up and walks toward the front, kneeling in front of his granddaughter.

“Richard?”

“Yeah?” He sighs silently, not wanting his father to lecture him right this minute.

“Listen, whatever happens - you tried to do something on your own, which is more than most people ever do, and I include myself in that category. You took a big chance. It took guts and I’m proud of you.”

Not knowing if his father was being sincere, he sarcastically says, “Okay, dad. Thank you.”

Sheryl glances over at him with a look, meaning ‘he was just nice to you. What the hell?’. Edwin, wanting him to know he wasn’t being an asshole, puts his hand on his son’s shoulder and waits for a moment. When he removes his hand, Richard puts his hand up, his eyes never looking away from the road.

His father grabs his hand and shakes it slightly before walking back to his seat. Tyler, waiting for Dwayne to make his guess, reaches over and pats Edwin’s arm, silently informing him that he did a good job. He smiles slightly at her as he pats her knee and nods before looking out the window again. She looks down at the notepad and raises an eyebrow at Dwayne as he gets the words right.

He smirks at her before flipping the page, ready to go another round.

#dwayne hoover love story #dwayne hoover imagines #dwayne hoover imagine #dwayne hoover x reader #dwayne hoover fanfiction #dwayne hoover fanfic #dwayne hoover little miss sunshine #dwayne hoover

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mammss · 2 years

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taking a .5 picture of the brothers

a/n: idea stemmed from my oc ship and was too funny not to write about also I promise my next body of work will be an event post I just need to write what my brain thinks of first <3

warnings: not proofread all the way

who doesn't like a little fun? As you were cleaning your room you stumbled upon your human world phone. Forgetting the task at hand you mindlessly scrolled through every app and photo you had and remembered a .5 picture you took and laughed at the memory. You didn't have data down here to do a lot of things on your phone but who was gonna stop you from taking pictures of the brothers????

mammon: this lovable insufferable man was looking for attention from you and thought that's what he was getting, not a camera shoved in his face and at the worst angle imaginable! most likely said something along the lines of “Oi! No free flash photography from The Great Mammon! No photo of me taken like that is gonna sell!!!” “Here let me show you how it’s done.” then proceeds to mansplain how to take a picture AND at the right angle AND his angle none the less AND THEN gives you a run down of how much you need to sell these for and how you’re gonna split the money with him. When you tell him what .5 pictures are and show him some the girl boss in him and demon in him can picture one, how much the brothers fan clubs would go crazy over some new content and two, how if he didn't sell them right away he could always use the pictures as blackmail in the near near near future. So with the idea in motion he left you to find his brothers... completely forgetting you have a .5 picture of him you could use yourself

asmo: you would have to basically be on your hands and knees BEGGING asmo for a .5 . i know for a fact this man micro manages everything especially his pictures, they have to be the best of the best all edited the same way to fit his aesthetic devilgram nothing ugly or silly. BUT because asmo loves you he wouldn’t be opposed to it you would just have to promise NO ONE IN EXISTENCE ever sees that photo!!! so finding him in his room you beg for a picture and he agrees, semi easy to work with but in exchange you have show him how to take them because as much as that angle is hideous, it was very fun and he would love to have pictures like that just for his eyes only…

beel: finding beel wasn’t hard. he was in the kitchen cooking with levi though levi seemed to do all the cooking and beel looked like he combust at any moment. when asking to take a .5 he doesn’t understand and thinks it’s a new trend asmo taught you but nonchalantly agrees, what you didn't plan for is how you’re gonna take the picture because beel’s like 6′0 so prepare to stand on some chairs or a countertop or you can kiss that photo goodbye. he thinks it’s weird but as long as your happy and giggling he’s content to do anything for you

levi: he was recreating some food he saw in an anime hence beel watching him like a hawk so he wasn't really focused on you. not until he turns around to get something and sees you on the counter taking a odd picture of his brother and laughing does his curiosity get the better of him. two ways this could go 1, he sees how much you and beel are having and gets jealous enough to join in or 2, seeing as you were taking pictures and laughing he could get insecure real quick and won’t want a phone near him. but for the sake of the headcanon we’re using one. he completely forgets cooking and shyly asks what you’re doing, when you tell him your taking .5 pictures of everyone and show him ones he starts laughing and comments on everyones especially mammons but is timid to get his own picture taken. why you may ask well that forehead of his will take up the entire screen!!! I feel like he'd be way more comfortable if you included others into the picture just as a warmup and then when he sees how fun it is he’ll allow you to take one of him alone. he enjoys it so much that he asks his mutuals to take .5s and send them in there group chat YES LEVI HAS MUTALS CLAIMING THAT NOW

satan: reading outside in the garden as always so it wasn't that hard to find him though you saw some random cats purring and walking around him definitely putting him in good mood. good mood plus cats? you know your getting that picture but before you come any closer with that camera you absolutely must take some pictures of satan and the cats so he can remember this moment for life priority’s mc priority’s… anyways satan would ask so many questions before like “why would you wanna take a photo like this? what’s it’s purpose?” or “by any chance mc could you take a picture of lucifer like this??… no i’m not gonna put it on a billboard and humiliate him” just like lucifer you can’t show this to anyone he’s not embarrassed by it but if lucifer were to see the HoL wouldn’t be standing anymore. while you’re taking pictures he does understand the fun in it and takes some .5 of the cats but instead of laughing his heart just melted by the cuteness rip satan…

belphie: this could go either two ways, one you find him and get the photo quick because he doesn't care and sees you’re happy with whatever you just did or, two its gonna take centuries because he's sleeping in the weirdest position so you can’t take the photo. If he's walking around thank the devil because nows your only chance to get it and with everyone else he's so confused why you’re taking a picture of him that close but when your laughing and smiling he's not gonna argue with you just take your weird picture with no context and go about your guys day, catch him sleeping? rip he's not getting up anytime soon he's curled up with every blanket in the HoL and pillows surround him like a barrier for whatever reason. if you wake him up when he's drowsy and confused with the angle right? you just hit the jackpot, that photo will be shown by everyone and I mean everyone it was too funny not to keep it hidden away!!! don’t wake him up and you won’t get a good picture there's too much stuff around him and with him laying down you’re gonna have to sit on him and do a lot of moving around. i suggest its not worth it tbh...

lucifer: three words, good freaking luck. lucifer would never let you take a .5 . you’re too nice to all his brothers you could send that picture to any one of them and he’d have you killed and everyone who’s seen it. satan and belphie could easily have that picture and do who knows what but it would be pure humiliation on lucifer’s part and the more he thinks about it the more he needs a drink in one hand and mammons head to squeeze in the other. you knew he would be in his office doing paperwork, heading towards the man in question you slyly asked him and as you expected he declined saying nonsense like “you know how I don't like others taking pictures of me.” or “did one of my brothers put you up to this? You know what I'm going to say...” come on this is lucifer but you know he loves you from the celestial realm and back so as long as you beg enough and cutely big eyes and all you will definitely get your picture, as long as you follow his rules and DONT SEND THAT PICTURE TO ANYONE MC!!! or if he's drunk you know that photo is gonna be a piece of cake.

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cherrycelsius · 10 months

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+ another 50 things i love about you (freak nsfw edition kind of. these are just the more unhinged ones or ones i'm too ashamed to admit/put in the og)

1. it gives me strong satisfaction when you pull sexual jokes with me because it gives me war flashbacks of when ivory used to complain about you not being sexual with her 😇 i'm a petty, vengeful girl.

2. not only that, i kinda love u being sexual with me it makes me feel things.

3. the way in the bdsm test you're submissive and i'm dominant and i just think it makes so much sense like yassss let me dominate you

4. when we're both into bondage LMAOO let me tie u up bbg

5. and that we're both into exhibitionism,,, like ok freak. you're such a freak.

6. "he ate her out in the shower before this but okay" "ok when we recreating 🤨"

7. every time you call me a slut or a whore..... do not ask. please.

8. when i say my ass or back hurts and u say sorry.

9. like yeah it's ok u can break my back any time you'd like, i'll let u. go ahead.

10. & when you say fuck you and i say when

11. and vice versa honestly.

12. the way i would let you fuck me honestly.

13. the way you'd just randomly send a fucking porn edit in the middle of a conversation

14. i remember vividly talking about my mother and you sending a porn edit of ashley and leon inside the church

15. when you go along with me being a freak........

16. even better when you get flustered when im being a freak, you're adorable. i'm into u.

17. when u channel ur inner dark daddy dom persona and it scares the shit out of me

18. those moments where you're so in character in being a dark daddy dom that sometimes i'm appalled u have the capacity to be that lewd

19. like what r u on about calling me kitten and asking me if my kink is pulling eyes out with spoons? i love that truly

20. the fucking vecna roleplay stunt you pulled on me. that was traumatising. but i loved it.

21. when we'd freely be talking about porn and you telling me you've already seen it like bro? horny much?

22. when you asked me to get off of xvideos and i had to do a double take because how the fuck did you know it was xvideos?

23. the aeon nsfw pics you send me. ah.

24. that one ashley x leon pic we have pinned on discord

25. THE LEON KENNEDY FANART U WERE OBSESSED WITH A FEW MONTHS AGO WITH HIM BEING TIED UP AND BEING USED AS A GLORY HOLE OR WHATEVER U CALL

26. the mcdonalds x burger king nsfw art you used to always send me.

27. when you said you'd let ME bite YOUR ass even if i wasn't a fire ant, i thought it was so funny.

28. you'd let me suck your dick inside a horror house i think that's peak soulmatism

29. "go rougher next time i want my intestines out my body" amen

30. sometimes u say shit that makes me horny i'm acyually going insane

31. that one point in our relationship where there were pegging allegations.

32. and u were leaning into it. and im the one allegedly pegging you

33. every time you'd send me those fake niche messages that are so us and sometimes i get scared that i got hacked bc it's totally some shit we'd say.

34. when we match models idk why but it just is so adorable, you're adorable.

35. these really specific moments where i just wanna kiss you really hard

36. for example when you're mansplaining something to me and you get so into it and i get this feral urge to

37. yeah. i find it sexy. i'm into nerds.

38. SPEAKING OF NERDS when you panic in your games and immediately pause, that's adorable.

39. the way you would pause the game you're currently playing and i automatically prepare my keyboard in case you're typing something

40. when you let me watch you edit and i can see the way your brain works while you edit. i love that.

41. when you fall asleep after i tell you to sleep and i start missing you as if i didn't ask you to sleep in the first place

42. and sometimes when u wake up after i miss you ijust wanna squeeze u virtually until u die.

43. every time we'd be arguing in plato and you'd get turned on by the voice in bingo.

44. when we're talking about our feelings and get to be vulnerable around each other and i feel like i could genuinely be myself around you and it'd be okay

45. when you told me you're uncomfortable with telling people you love them but you make sure to tell me that you love me everyday :(

46. your sexy edit u made me amen

47. your big brain

48. dick

49. pussy

50. ass. that is all.

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marquisoforder · 3 years

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Ranking the Nine Princes of Hell from TSC from the least to most sexy

(Technically 8 cause Lucifer is just a chair but eh)

8) Coming in at dead last we have Asmodeus cause I hate this generic white man energy he’s giving here. He’s the demon of Lust cause the only way he could get bitches was by tricking and manipulating them. He’s serving Frankenstein’s Monster had a baby with a CEO from a yaoi hentai realness here. The Worst of the Demons? More like the Worst Dressed of the demons! Black tie with a white suite? 🤮Sir are you out of your goddamn mind? Did Raphael bonk you on the head until your fashion sense left? -1/10 you are simply hideous sir

7) Coming in at number 7 we have Mammon looking like Jeff Bezos’s capitalistic wet dream. How are you literally all about money but still look tacky as hell? This man shows up to the MET Gala in a tux with no effort whatsoever I can just feel it in my bones. All these eyes but you still couldn’t locate a better fit. I was gonna ask why he looks constipated but then I read the part where he eats blood and gold for every meal so he’s obviously suffering from indigestion. (And it shows king, it really shows) 0/10 - Do fucking better and get a plastic surgery or a proper diet with all the money you are hoarding up

6) At number six we’ve got Belphegor. Honestly I’d have ranked him much higher if it wasn’t for the goat skull situation going on there like what’s up with that king? Is this a political statement? Or are you just taking covid precautions? Either way I can’t rank you higher than six with that face. (Even tho the body is definitely 1. Like you mean to tell me a demon with abs like those is the demon of laziness? He ain’t lazy if he’s grinding in the gym which he apparently is cause he’s legit shredded.) also kinda cute that you were married to a mortal. Maybe if they pegged you you wouldn’t have denounced the institution of marriage. (Try it next time. I’m certainly up if you are 👀 haha jk unless 😳) 5/10 - Sorry about your goat head

5) On the position of number five we have the one and only Leviathan! He’s not a fallen angel! He’s not like other girls! He’s edgy, he’s sensitive, he’s sad, nobody understands him. He kins Ebony Dementia Darkness Raven Way. But in a sexy way. I like what you’ve done with the hair. Paired with completely black eyes he’s essentially the perfect Scene Boy™️ from back in the day. He would have been Tumblr famous. Even now he has the capacity to become one of Tumblr’s sexy man (derogatory) cause he has the same vibe as Jotun Loki. 6/10 - No Comments cause I’m worried he might actually just eat me.

4) Belial is number four cause while he’s definitely good looking there’s something about him that screams I’d Mansplain Your Own Period To You. Probably invested in Bitcoin and trying to overheat the planet to death. Not gonna lie whatever he’s doing with his hands is actually giving model, it’s giving Timothy chalamet, it’s giving white boy who paints nails and wears rings and doesn’t shut up about it. The hair is actually really cool and I wish my hair looked that effortlessly good. Whatever hair products you stole from Brad Mondo, I want some rn 😤 6.5/10 - idk still kinda basic tho

3) Moving on to the top three we have Azazel! I liked him when we saw him in TMI. He’s giving fuck boy archie andrews here. Probably says baby girl unironically. Are his pants sagging or are they two toned? That’s a secret he’ll never tell. The reason he was cast down from hell is actually because god was jealous of that one lock of hair that falls perfectly across his forehead. His nails are done, his hair is perfect, his abs look rock hard. All in all has that all-American rugged good looks to him. 7/10- red hair actually looks good on you king keep it up

2) Our runner up is none other than Astaroth! Look at that serve! Look me in the eyes and tell me this man doesn’t belong on the cover of a cheap erotica novel about fallen angels!!! The glance downwards, the wings bared, the contrast of the red cloth with the black wings!! He did not come to play because for Astaroth, the world is a runaway and he’s a model. The luscious hair and the sexy torso scars truly sets this man apart. I’m not big on selling my soul but for you king, I’d fr put that shit on eBay for 50 cents. You think you were misjudged and pleads your case? Lemme be your defense attorney king, I’ll fight God in a Denny’s parking lot for you no questions asked. 9/10 - Unlike Belphegor I still believe in the institution of marriage so ahahaha 👀😌 iykwim

1) And finally our top boy from Hell is… none other than Samael himself! That cute lil feather on the hat paired with that Jack sparrow red scarf really shows he knows how to work a fit. The rolled up sleeves got me 👀 at his forearms like I’m a Victorian man seeing a bit of ankle. This demon legit looks like a man young Taylor Swift would write a song about. He’s young, he’s hip, he probably has a fashion tiktok and does mad transitions from outfit to outfit. 10/10 wouldn’t do this man’s sexiness justice cause he’s simply too sexy for such a trivial scale.

#the shadowhunter chronicles #tsc #princes of hell #cassandra clare #shadowhunters #asmodeus #astaroth #samael #bilael #mammon #belphegor #leviathan #azazel #the mortal instruments #the infernal devices #magnus bane #jace herondale #tessa Carstairs #malec

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iwadori · 3 years

Text

Why you and the haikyu boys broke up (Atsumu,Oikawa,Kageyama,Kenma,Akaashi,Sugawara)

Part two: Osamu, Iwaizumi, Daichi, Ushijima

Genre:angst

masterlist

Atsumu: “god yer so clingy and annoying”

You and Atsumu have been dating for years and every year was worse then the last. Atsumu became more distant and standoffish as your relationship progressed.

“‘Tsumu, where were you said that you’d be back by-“

“Gosh Y/N, just leave me alone, I don’t need you doting all over me like your my mum or something” he said harshly making you flinch

“Well I wouldn’t keep acting like your mum if you weren’t being such a child, you dick”

“God Y/N, yer so cling and annoying”

That was the last thing he said to you, well the last thing you heard, since after that you were gone. You definitely didn’t care for Atsumu anymore and you definitely didn’t care about his mutiple messages and calls asking begging you to talk to him.

You were done and you silently asked yourself the question “who’s the clingy and annoying one now ‘tsumu”

Oikawa: “If only you supported me like she did then..”

You and Oikawa, the classic ‘highschool sweethearts,’ with him being the athletic trailblazer with you at his side through it all, always known as “Oikawa’s girlfriend”

Being known as that, at first you didn’t mind, since being attached to the Oikawa name in any aspect was something to brag about (especially when you’re a teenage girl.)

But as you got older you didn’t want to be just somebody’s “girlfriend,” you wanted to be Y/N The doctor or Y/N the lawyer, journalist or whatever.

And Oikawa wasn’t particularly fond of the idea.

As the time went on, with you now studying and preparing for your new found dream job (which you were over the moon about.) Oikawa became unbearable, late nights out, always hiding his phone when you were about, he had this odd scent about him one that was different to usual.

He was cheating on you. You knew it, but since there was no physical proof and because you loved him so much accusing him of such a thing could ruin everything.

You didn’t need too though. Since one night, when Oikawa was supposedly meant to be at an away game. He was away, but in someone else’s pants... in your bedroom.

After being caught he pleaded for you to hear him out and when you wouldn’t he said “if only you supported me like she did then I wouldn’t be cheating on you”

That was definitely the final straw, you became the best doctor that Japan had ever seen, and you didn’t know what happen to Oikawa and that girl.

You may of heard through the grapevine that she definitely cheated on him a month into their relationship, but what do you care anyways.

Kenma: “gosh y/n I’m not your therapist”

Kenma and you were childhood friends before you started dating. You were two peas in a pods.

You worked perfectly as you being the talkative one always talked and him being quiet just always listened.

That’s how you worked and it was fine, right?

Well of course it wasn’t, well at least till when you were a few years into your relationship it wasn’t. Kenma was obviously a popular gamer and kind of a businessman, he wasn’t as free as he used to be and neither were you and you both knew that.

So when you did have time to hang out you most certainly made the most of it, doing what you normally did: you talk, he ‘listens.’

Even though Kenma wasn’t listening anymore, who knows when he stopped listening but he probably hasn’t heard nor cared for a thing you’ve said since you were 5.

“Gosh Y/N I’m not your therapist” he said after you were telling him about a terrible day you had “ I don’t even know why we’re still together, or together at all... “

“Fine, if that’s how you feel I’m gone”

“Wait Y/N I didn’t mea-“

You slam the door blocking out the rest of speech which you didn’t need to hear since obviously ‘you aren’t his therapist.’

Akaashi: you’re just too much of an idiot too understand.

When you and Akaashi met, it was in one of your classes, and you first noticed him when he was answering in a question in class.

Hot and smart was what you thought when you first laid eyes on him

What you didn’t know by the time you got together was that ‘hot and smart’ translates to the biggest patronising mansplainer ever.

Akaashi has a way of belittling you and dumbing you down, you didn’t know why he was doing it. Heck, you didn’t know he was actually doing it until he actually said “you’re just too much of an idiot to understand.”

The other times it was subtle, but obvious enough to leave you sad and uncomfortable afterwards questioning every aspect of yourself.

One night, you don’t tell him what your doing, you pack up your crap leave the rest of the months rent on the kitchen counter along with a note saying ‘I’m breaking up with you,’

You knew that sooner or later that day you’d get a text from him and you did which read:

Akaashi: what do you mean I’m breaking up with. Why ?

Y/N: oh I guess you’re too much of an idiot to understand.

Kageyama: you don’t work hard enough Y/N

You were dating the best setter in Japan. It always felt surreal when you said that to yourself, or when someone said that to you.

Since ‘how could you’ get ‘someone like that.’

That was the question that many people asked, since of course ‘Tobio Kageyama was only worth the best of the best,’ and to them you most certainly wasn’t that.

You got comments like that all the time online, but you didn’t care but one time you were scrolling through Twitter and so a post about you and the comments were all talking about your body.

This crushed your heart, as the comments they were making were vile so this definitely hit a tough spot.

When Kageyama came home and saw your distressed state he rushed to your side to see if he could help. However once you showed him what you were crying over, his tone of voice changed as he said,

“They aren’t wrong Y/N, ever since we got together you’ve definitely not really been looking after yourself lately”

“What is that supposed to mean” you retort

“ I mean, you don’t work hard Y/N, you don’t work at all... as of lately you’ve just been bitching and complaining and mooching off of my success whilst you let yourself go.”

Ouch.

“If that’s how you see me, then so be it” you say gracefully standing up and exciting the building. You were done with Kageyama and you both knew that, there was no going back after what he said, especially since you could tell he was thinking that for a while now.

Sugawara: your not the girl I fell in love with

Sugawara and you were described as the “perfect couple” by people that didn’t know you. Which you always faked a smile a compliment, knowing certainly well you weren’t.

You’ve loved sugawara ever since you met him in your first year. But you knew, you always knew he didn’t love you back.

Kiyoko Shimuzu, her name was. A pretty name for a pretty girl. All the boys were in love with her (some more vocal about it then others) but sugawara even though he wasn’t shouting his love from the rooftops, you caught the looks of adoration he gave her when she was simply walking by.

You dated him anyways, maybe he could sense your desperation or maybe he needed a distraction. You didn’t know why he decided to ask you out and you didn’t care, he was yours and you finally ‘won.’

Well you were winning up till you got a certain invite in the Mail:

You are invited to the wedding of Tanka Ryunnsoke and Kiyoko Shimuzu.

Even though sugawara looked happy at the idea of his two dearest friends marrying, you could tell he was heartbroken. And he knew that you knew.

That is why, on the day before the wedding as you were packing your bags to go, it turns out he was packing his bags too. But for a completely different reason.

“I’m leaving” was all he said at first heading for the door.

“Where? Why?” You aksed

“You know why Y/N, you’ve always known why And itll do more harm then good if we keep this charade up any longer”

“But I love you” you cried latching on to him

“And I love you, but you were not the girl I fell in love with and I don’t think that love will ever stop”

You knew he was right and you let him go, crying over your one true love.

An: I kinda heavily like this one, (maybe because it’s hard to write on my phone and this style is definitely not what I’m used too so I’m appreciating my efforts.) what do you guys think ??

ALSO MY PHONE WONT LET ME DO READ ORE AND ONCE MY LAPTOP WORKS TOMMOROW I WILL DO IT SO SORRY!!

Taglist[bold can’t be tagged]: @sakuxxi @iimoonii @hamdehlesmis @Shoyosupremacy @meadowsinjapan @iambashfulperson

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nashibirne · 3 years

Text

Where The Wild Roses Grow - An August Walker Story - 3

You can find the previous parts on my masterlist

Pairing: August Walker x OFC (Fern) Summary: Don't screw the crew? This doesn't work for August Walker Warnings: Smut, Sex, 18+, NSFW, unprotected sex, rough sex, slapping, kinda soft August Unbeta'ed! English is not my mother tongue, so please be lenient with me

Disclaimer: I don't own August Walker (but he owns me...)

Pics for the header taken from Pinterest.

Taglist: (let me know if you want to be added or removed)

@lunedelorient @inlovewithhisblueeyes @willkatfanfromasia @hell1129-blog @mis-lil-red @agniavateira @kebabgirl67 @omgkatinka @legendarywizarddetective @summersong69 @taebfada @xxxkatxo @madbaddic7ed @artandotherdelights

~~~~

Chapter 3

Fern

So, today's the day. I'm going on a date. The first in I-don't-know-how-long. Two years, three years, I don't remember. After my long time relationship with Max went down the drain I didn't want to date and here in London there was just no opportunity. To be honest I'm quite nervous. I mean, I don't know much about Lucas and I haven't interacted with a lot of people since I'm in London. Actually just with my neighbor Sloane and her wife Jackie, who are very nice and we have a little chat from time to time and with Peter and August and our clients of course. But that's it. That's pathetic you say? Yeah, maybe you're right but that's just the way it is and it's okay. Basically I like my life the way it is, I love my work, I enjoy my affair with August but deep down inside I crave intimacy, tenderness and a life outside the office. So I'm really looking forward to this date and to getting to know Lucas a little better.

I'm sitting in my car right now. I'm ten minutes early so I have enough time to check my make-up -I think I look alright- and to straighten my clothes. I get out of my car and check my reflection in the metallic paint of my Classic Mini Cooper. I'm wearing a light blue summer skirt, a plain white sleeveless shirt and white loafers. I considered wearing the blue dotted dress but I can't wear it without thinking of August so it wasn't really an option.

I lurk around the corner and there he is. Lucas is waiting for me at the entrance of the museum, checking his watch repeatedly. He looks good with his blond hair and the blue eyes, not extraordinarily handsome like August but attractive. A John Doe but in a good way. Okay, guess it's time to go. Wish me luck!

There was really no reason to be nervous, Lucas is really nice and charming, the perfect gentleman. He knows a lot about art and I love how he shares his knowledge with me but never mansplains. He's not a bit arrogant or bossy, unlike many other men. August for example. Speaking of which, I think I spend too much time with him. When Lucas and I were walking around the museum I thought I saw August from the corner of my eye. Twice! I must be hallucinating or something.

Right now I'm standing at the souvenir shop waiting outside for Lucas who wants to buy a present for his son Milo who lives in Liverpool with his mum, Lucas' ex-wife. We're done with the exhibition and he asked me if I want to have a coffee with him in a cafe nearby. I said yes. I really enjoy his company and it feels so good to finally do something that has nothing to do with my work.

A loud noise suddenly startles me. It sounds like someone has dropped a glass that's smashed to pieces. I spin around quickly to localize the noise source and that's when I see him. It's really him. August Walker in the flesh, standing behind a pillar, watching me.

I stare at him, surprised, or to put it more precisely, stunned. What the hell is he doing here?

He gives me a nonchalant smile and strolls in my direction as if it was the most natural thing to meet me here.

"Fern. What a lovely surprise."

Is he kidding me? Lovely? He never uses words like this, they are not part of August Walker's vocabulary.

"August. What are you doing here?" I don't feel the need to exchange polite phrases.

"Enjoying the exhibition."

"Oh really?" I cross my arms in front of my chest.

"Yes. Why would you doubt it?" He smiles innocently and it makes me mad.

"Because you're not interested in art."

"Well, I am now."

"I took both tickets because you said you didn't want to go." I point out.

"I changed my mind and bought a ticket."

I take a deep breath and roll my eyes. I can't even explain why I'm so annoyed by the fact that he's here.

"So? Where's your date?" he asks en passant.

Now it dawns on me.

"Is that the reason you're here? Are you spying on me?"

August's face hardens and he looks at me with a frown. "I'm not spying. I'm just keeping an eye on you."

"I don't need a babysitter, August."

"You don't know anything about the guy, Fern. He could be dangerous."

He comes one step closer and is standing right in front of me now, our bodies almost touching.

"He's not dangerous. He's a teacher at a primary school."

"That's what he says." He almost whispers. It's ridiculous.

"Why would he lie to me?"

"Because maybe he wants to cover up his true identity."

I laugh out loud. "Like what? Like an undercover agent or something. You think he's after you?"

August gives me a death stare, his lips pressed together to a thin line. "Exactly. And he wouldn't be the first." His voice is only a low growl. "I mean, come on, Fern. He sees you for what -5 minutes maybe?- and asks you out? Can he really be that smitten by you?"

I stare at him, his words cut right into my heart, and I try to hide it by being even more sarcastic than usual.

"Oh, you mean you find it more likely that he's a spy, sent by the government to get to you, than the simple thought that he's attracted to me and therefore asked me out? Wow, I mean, that's flattering, August. So basically you're saying I'm so uninteresting that it's not a realistic scenario that a man meets me and wants to date me?"

"That's not what I meant, Fern. All I'm saying is…"

"Hi." I freeze when I hear Lucas' voice. I step back to bring a little space between me and August and turn around.

"Lucas. Did you find something for Milo?"

"Yes. I did." He gives August a funny look and things are getting pretty awkward. I clear my throat.

"Um, Lucas. This is my boss. August Walker. We just bumped into each other."

"Lucas Bellingham. Nice to meet you." Lucas gives August a nod and August gives him a forced smile in return.

"Yeah. Nice to meet you."

I can't believe he used to be an agent, since he's such a bad actor.

"Well, I'll leave you to it. Fern, see you on Monday."

"Sure."

He leans in, grabs me by my elbows and kisses me goodbye french style. Two times. Right. Left. Mua. Mua. What the fuck? After the second innocent peck on my cheek I feel his breath hot against my ear. "You look hot in that skirt. Be a good girl and wear it on Monday."

His soft words sent shivers down my spine and at the same time I'm fuming with anger.

All he can expect from me on Monday is a cold shoulder and a lecture.

August

Okay, that monitoring operation on Saturday didn't go exactly as planned. I guess I'm a little out of practice. Of course Fern wasn't supposed to see me nor was her date. Lucas Bellingham. A boring name for a boring guy. I checked his record, of course I did. How, you ask? I'm sorry but I can't tell you. If I would I'd have to kill you.

Hey, don't be so shocked, I'm just kidding. Really. Relax.

Anyway, I have ways and means to do a background check on someone and Lucas seems to be legit. On first sight that means. I told Pete to dig a little deeper, just to be sure. He has his ways and means too. I promised Fern she'd be safe with me when I hired her and I'm a man of my word. I'm not going to expose her to any kind of danger. And no matter what she says, it definitely is possible that someone is sending an undercover agent to spy on me or Peter. Could be the US authorities or the MI5 or someone from my past, there's no lack of enemies, I've pissed off a lot of people and I know one day I will regret it. You know what they say. Karma is a bitch.

Well, here she comes.

"Good Morning, Fern."

"Morning."

Okay. A look that could kill and no skirt. Tight black jeans and a turtleneck sweater. All buttoned-up. Okay, woman, I get it. You're mad at me. She goes straight to her office and I follow her and sit down on the edge of her desk. She doesn't even look at me but starts typing something into her computer.

"Are you alright?"

"Of course I am."

"Really? You don't even look at me."

She takes a deep breath before her eyes meet mine.

"Just stay out of my way today, August."

I know I should take the hint and leave her alone but I can't. I don't take orders. Not from her, not from anyone anymore. I'm the one in charge, she should know that.

"What if I don't want to?" I give her a smug smile.

"I don't care what you want. Just fuck off."

"Woman." I growl. "Who do you think you're talking to? I'm still your boss."

"Then let me do my work. Boss." She holds my gaze and I know I'm going to lose any kind of staring contest with her so I decide to change my tactics. I hop off her desk and sit down in a chair.

"I just don't get why you're in such a bad mood." I try to smile and I have a feeling that it makes me look like an idiot. Fern furrows her brows. "Oh really. You have no idea?"

"Is this about Saturday?"

"Yes, you bloody genius, of course it is. Your behaviour was beyond the pale."

"My behaviour? I was visiting an exhibition. Just like you."

"Don't give me that, August."

I stare at her. What does she want from me? I did nothing wrong goddamn.

"I was just trying to protect you, Fern. You tend to trust people too easily."

Her eyes shoot daggers at me and god, that's so sexy. Why the hell isn't she wearing that bloody skirt like I told her?

"People like you, you mean?"

Ouch. That hurts.

"I don't need you to protect me, okay? Not in a situation like this. Fuck, August. It was just a date with a harmless guy in a public place. What was he supposed to do? Kidnap me? Murder me?"

I don't know how to respond to this so I just shrug it off but the way she looks at me tells me she expects me to say something.

"I was just trying to keep my promise, Fern. You know I guaranteed your safety and I guess you have no idea how many people want to see me dead. You never know what they are up to and when someone new appears on the scene I get suspicious. This has nothing to do with you. It's just me and maybe I overshot the mark." The next words are the hardest part but I know if I want her to wear a skirt or dress ever again I have to say them. "I'm sorry."

Her face softens a little.

"Just don't do it again, August. My private life is none of your business."

I nod and I really want to know if she's going to see him again but I don't ask.

The next few days totally suck.

Tuesday: blue jeans and a cold shoulder. Shit.

Wednesday: skinny jeans and distant behaviour. Goddamn.

Thursday: A jumpsuit and a little smalltalk but not much more.

She's driving me crazy and she knows it. If she keeps on acting so stubborn she must not be surprised if I don't want her anymore. Ah fuck, who am I trying to fool. Truth is I want her more than ever. I want to fuck that distant look off her face. I want her to moan my name. I want her to obey. To give in. To acknowledge that I'm in charge.

On Friday I don't expect much, but to my big surprise and relief she shows up wearing the blue dotted dress she wore when I took her for the first time. I give her a glance when she walks past my office with swaying hips and she returns it. She even smiles at me.

Okay, I have to get rid of Peter. Asap. I go to his office and close the door behind me.

"August?"

"Peter. Go home."

"Excuse me?"

"Leave. Work from home today."

He leans back in his chair and crosses his arms with a frown.

"Why?"

"Because I say so."

He snorts and turns to his laptop again.

"Fuck off, August."

I roll my eyes and sigh.

"Please." I say through clenched teeth. "I need some time to talk to Fern."

"Talk, huh?"

"We had a little fight the other day and now it seems she's willing to forgive me." I know I sound desperate and Peter looks at me again. "Yeah. I know about your visit to the museum. And you think you can get back into her pants today."

She told him about it? This takes me by surprise. But I don't say a word and he knows me well enough to interpret it as a yes.

"You know my opinion on your little affair."

"I do and you know it's none of your business."

"Right." He hesitates and scratches his chin. "Well, do what you think you have to do. I'm going to have breakfast in the little cafe around the corner and try to get the number of the hot waiter. You have an hour." He gets up and grabs his wallet and his phone.

"Thanks, Pete."

"I'm not doing this for you, August. I'm doing this for our business and my future. If you and Fern don't talk you can't do your job properly and this could ruin everything we have built up yet. So get your shit together and return to normal. Whatever it takes."

He leaves and I can tell he's pissed but well, he's gone and that's all that matters. I go straight to Ferns office and now that I'm standing right in front of her I'm so aroused and full of anticipation I feel like I'm about to explode with lust and I'm sure I look like a predator. She looks at me and slowly stands up.

"You've been a really bad girl." I growl.

"Is that so?" She bats her lashes innocently. Oh, her audacity.

"Yes." I murmur. "You kept me waiting for four days."

"You deserved it." Heavens, she's really a challenge.

"I'm gonna show you what you deserve, woman."

Two wide strides and I'm standing right next to her. I grab her by her waist, spin her around and bend her over her desk before I lift her dress and rip her panties into shreds. I press her down with one hand between her shoulder blades and unzip my trousers with the other. My dick is so hard it hurts. I don't waste time. I enter her without any kind of preparation or the slightest hint of foreplay. I wanna punish her by being raw and ruthless but she won't let me. She is wet. So fucking wet and she takes me as well as usual. Sighing with lust when I stretch her pussy. Moaning when I start to fuck her deep and fast. I let out a moan too. "You're so wet. You've been looking forward to this." I hiss into her ear while railing her so hard that the desk moves under us. "I've been all wet since the moment I put on the dress." Her voice is dripping with desire. "I've missed your dick so much."

I keep on fucking her with long, deep movements and when I slap her ass out of the blue she cries out my name. "August." She likes it, oh yes she does. She likes it a lot. I can tell by her moans that get even louder. I've never done this before though I wanted to, but I was scared she might not like it or think I'm a perv and tell me to fuck off. I move faster and we are both gasping and panting like never before. I'm close and so is she. I can feel it.

"Again." She begs. Oh how I like the sound of it.

"What did you say, pretty?"

"Again. August. Please."

"Do you think you deserve it?"

"Yes."

"You want it?"

"Yes."

"Say it."

"Slap my ass, August. Please."

She's a whimpering mess now and I slap her again. Harder this time. She shrieks and it sounds incredibly hot. I go on and on and after the fifth slap I feel her come. Her walls clench around me and her legs shake. "Fuck...oh god. August…" Her sweet little cunt milks my cock and when I cum too I throw my head back and sigh her name softly till my orgasm is over. I press a kiss on her back and give her ass a few gentle strokes to sooth the pain. I bet it stings, her cheek is crimson red. I pull out reluctantly. I feel the strange urge to stay inside of her but I fight it. She turns around and looks at me with a smirk. She licks her lips and it's obvious how much she's enjoyed this.

And so have I.

I enjoyed it and I've missed it.

I've missed her.

#august walker #august walker smut #smut #august walker x ofc #august walker fan ficiton #henry cavill #henry cavill fan fiction

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tetsunormous · 3 years

Text

Random Ick the Boys Have

genre: Fluff

A/N: this all all for jokes but some of these feel canon lol

Sugawara - he will imitate people, which would be fine, but he does it at really inappropriate times. Two people will be having a heart to heart and he’ll butt in and it just makes everything so much more awkward.

Daichi - mansplains how to do simple tasks just cause. Literally without prompt.

Yamaguchi - bites his nails but then he eats it. He chews on his nails and then swallows.

Tsukki - he thinks his music taste is superior. He thinks no one else listens to the same artists but he listens to Tame Impala

Kageyama - he uses 5 in 1 for everything

Noya - doesn’t understand why you have to wash your hands if he doesn't touch anything when he pees.

Iwaizumi - will tell you you’re stretching wrong and will force you to follow him after every practice

Oikawa - he likes to sing the same line over and over again for days, but it’s not just off-key, it’s also off tempo.

Kunumi - He spoils movies cause he thinks it’s funny when people get mad

Kindaichi - randomly screams to feel masculine

Yahaba - smoulders at anyone he finds attractive not knowing he looks ridiculous. Like he does the chin scratch, eyes squinted, lip biting smoulder.

Ushijima - tells people crying is weak and then asks them to stop

Semi - he knows he’s super pretty and acts like he’s doing the person who’s approaching him a favour

Shirabu - he keeps his pinky fingernails long so he can pick out his earwax and inspect it

Goshiki - aggressively inhales through his nose, kinda like he has a stuffy nose, every time someone is explaining something to him

Kuroo - wears socks with holes in them, gets blisters cause he trains in them, and then shows and complains to everyone he has blisters

Kenma - is a sore loser when he games. This man will huff and puff and call you a cheater and demand rematches until you lose

Lev - he does not know how to wipe and has been caught with skid marks

Fukanaga - he waits until his hair is so greasy it’s itchy and the access buildup falls out before washing

Bokuto - His go to order is chicken fingers and fries

Akaashi - he fuels your worries. If you’re overthinking and you tell him why, he will make it worse

Konoha - He’s quick to point out why things aren’t working or who’s at fault, even if it’s just a fun game like slapjack

Terushima - literally harasses pretty girls for their number

Sakusa - points out your acne and then proceeds to explain his skincare routine

Kita - will ask you a question regarding something that happened three weeks ago, expecting the correct answer

Atsumu - he farts and then proceeds to tell you what he thinks he ate to produce the smell

Osamu - he tries to gatekeep harry potter but he hasn’t read the books, and he’s the type to ask to name your top three spells

Suna - he scratches his balls and he doesn’t even try to hide it

Omimi- will tell girls to smile more and gets offended when he gets flipped off for it

Hoshiumi - he makes everything into a competition but gets upset when he loses

#haikyuu!!#hq #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu fluff #hq headcanons #hq fluff #hq funny #sugawara headcanon #oikawa headcanons #kageyama headcanon #kenma headcanons #akaashi headcanons #atsumu headcanons #bokuto headcanon #kuroo headcanons

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bleep-blop-lizard-hop · 2 years

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Thoughts/Headcanons Part 2

Back with mooooore!

1. I thought it was brilliant how we got a scene of Ah Toy walking down the down the stairs in all her glory. Contrasting that with her nearly getting killed and sitting on the stairs, physically and emotionally drained. We clearly saw how devastating it was for Ah Toy, especially when it put Nellie in danger too. I kept thinking about Nellie and what was going in her mind during that scene. Seeing this other shocking side of Ah Toy with a sword, having to leave and walk all the way home like a mess, worrying nonstop about Ah Toy.

2. Post-fight reunion, Nellie going through a fucking riot for Ah Toy. Ah Sahm already know she’s bi, but who the hell is this random white woman??? Excuse me Ah Sahm but you don’t have a monopoly on white women lol. Ah Toy holding out her hand for Nellie like “Ah Sahm stop blocking my wife and sit down.” Nellie wants to bring Ah Toy, a well-known Chinese brothel madame to her house is peak scandal! But it’s true love, bitch! Ah Toy lightly joking about Nellie’s “white lady house” and knowing that she can’t argue with Nellie to leave this time. Ah Sahm connecting the dots and politely leaving them alone, He’s definitely gonna give her all the shit for it later, like an annoying brother lol. Nellie staying with Ah Toy and wanting to know all of her, even the bad parts. She would understand Ah Toy fighting for her people, and women with swords are hot. She would be all up on that. Also they both look like fine snacks in that scene, except for Ah Toy still being bruised and bloody.

3. Ah Toy’s Sexy Stubborn Dumbass Energy. Which Ah Sahm also has so I blame him for rubbing off on her lol. Homegirl literally went across the city to threaten Patterson while injured and bleeding to death. Choosing vengeance, which is understandable, over more important medical attention. Then Chao finding her laying in bed because she just need “a little rest.” Pretty concerning because you have people who love you Ah Toy, like Nellie and Ah Sahm and Lai. Don't you dare fucking die, bitch!

4. No relationship is perfect, so there’s bound to be drama for them in season 3. I just hope they’ll be able to work it out because I love them together! Can’t stop thinking about an argument where one of them shouts “because I love you!”

5. Nellie is lesbian in canon. I don’t think she was fully prepared for the formidable opposition of Ah Toy. The elite prime brothel of Chinatown and she took it as a challenge. Then she actually sees Ah Toy, “Fuck me.” During her visits with the girls she learns that Ah Toy swing both ways. Verrrry interesting, indeed. That girl Ah Toy was sending off with Nellie? She saw them, she knew what’s up.

6. Their first night lovemaking was so beautiful and romantic! But I wanted moooore! I want the build up, foreplay, flirting, touching, undressing, testing boundaries, exploding passion! I want the morning after, waking up in bed, getting ready for the day, parting with sweet words and kisses. Chao coming in early and spotting them together, that would be priceless! Ah Toy, Chao, and Ah Sahm could form a “I Love Duck” club lol.

7. Ah Toy rarely gets jealous, but when she does she adorably tries to hide it. That mansplainer Phillip from the dinner keeps sending Nellie invites for tea and shit. Nellie reassuring Ah Toy, and them laughing about how he has literally zero chance.

8. Haaaiiiir! They love stroking and playing with each other’s hair. Washing each other’s hair too.

9. Relaxing after a long day with a bath and giving massages.

10. Nellie saying how the wine storage is her “favorite spot on the entire property.” Well it will definitey be their favorite spot for impromptu makeout sessions lol.

11. Ah Toy bringing supplies to the vineyard, getting familiar with the girls. Her and Nellie helping out with the chores and farm stuff.

12. Ah Toy and Lai practicing maneuvers with their swords. Nellie just watching, in awe of their strength and elegance. Seriously, who can resist a woman with a sword??

@legends-of-apex @simpingforclaudette @ladybug023 Warrior friends! :D

#warrior #warrior cinemax #warrior hbo max #ah toy #nellie davenport #ah toy x nellie davenport #otp #DavenToy #thoughts and headcanons

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antiloreolympus · 3 years

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10 Anti LO Asks

1. ok im sorry you cannot post that thanatos and daphne panel and not tell me that isnt just hxp with hades painted a different color. thats like insulting bad in how lazy the art as become. also thats not how a kiss works, where did his mouth go?

2. i dont care if an artist draws their characters nude and w/ greek gods its kinda expected but its a purposely put in design feature and characterization and plot point in LO that persephone is barely legal with her age always being emphasized, is constantly sexualized without her knowledge esp by hades, and looks so young w/ several times of her just being naked while possible being a minor. like no wonder people get creeped out by LO even at first glance, that IS weird no matter how you cut it.

3. webtoon creators making nsfw work of their comics is not an issue lmao the problem in rachel's case is most of it is overwhelming about persephone being submissive and confused and even having hades call her a "little girl" and having it as the logo??? like if its behind a paywall thats one thing, but just cutting off the lower part and having it in print where kids can see it and disguising the context is disgusting. its not right, but i can see why some have some concerns about RS's character.

4. i know if it happens it wont be for awhile but god, the webtoons batman comic they put up is already up LO's butt and steadily climbing. If it actually pushes LO off it's top spot i'll be so happy. Not the hero we deserve but the hero we need. (PS its a good comic too, go read it even if you're not a DC fan!)

5. the LO porn rachel made wasnt even good lmao like a lot of was just uncomfortable to look at bc only hades seemed to be enjoying it and the other half just seemed traced from actual tumblr porn gifs so it just looked even weirder with her cartoon faces, like it was just weird? anyway congrats to rachel to somehow making even 4chan think she's gross. they literally invented bronies and even think that is weird.

6. I went to check out the reviews for the LO book preorder and they're all so funny to me because it's just so fake????? Tell me who the hell would call this story a delicacy. I'm not joking. One of the reviews literally calls it that.

I hate it. Anyway. Punderworld volume 1 is available to buy so buy that instead of LO y'all

7. fr the more i learn about the most popular creators on webtoons (not just rachel but ppl like the ladies behind lets play and age matters and basically all of the romance genre) the more im convinced being a straight white lady rots your brain. yall stay safe out there because none of you will be seeing the gates of heaven ✋🏾😷

-----FP Spoilers-----

8. Making Themis pregnant made lo and mythology timline dont much up, bc themis was one of zeus's first wife(i think second) but bc their kids were looking undesireble he break up with her, but didnt mistreat her like metis, but he gave her this job as a law goddes, and later marry hera. So if she is pregnant and she have only kids with zeus this would mean that he and hera would be couple for not too long, but their kids are older and in flashbacks it was shown that hera was his first choice.

9. The reason actually Law gods/goddesses are gone is cause reasonable people with any kind of morals will be against Persephone. Even if they're getting paid by the richest guy in the world to defend her. Only those who have not only drank the HXP Kool aid, but have downed an entire bowl of it through a funnel like a sorority girl at a frat party will be allowed to defend her. As is right of course. No contrary opinions about HXP are allowed in LO, lest you be labeled a villain by our Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss Queen and her Mansplain Manipulate Manwhore King. All Hail HXP. #Asspollo

10. um im sorry, even ignoring how dumb of an excuse "maternity leave" is bc shes a goddess why would they need time off, but like??? you really mean to tell me it wouldnt be badass to show a working mom bring her baby to work to defeat zeus at this own game??? like wouldnt that be actually feminist and show the power of women?? rachel sucks so bad at being "progressive".

From OP, not anon: Themis is currently pregnant.

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical #lo critical

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cometcrystal · 3 years

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my favs + character flaws

gwen - overshares and then says she’s funny because of trauma

trent - maroon 5 is his favorite band

candace - ships kpop members and larry

jeremy - will sing wonderwall on his guitar at a public park and thinks he’s doing a fun thing

fluttershy - her favorite steven universe character is pearl

discord - runs crazy-acey-in-spacey/doo-doo-snowball-ace

cleo - her twitter account has been suspended 17 times bc she keeps getting into fights

deuce - holds the door for you when you’re 20 feet away so you have to do the half-run so he won’t be standing there for too long

audrey - will say your baby is ugly to your face

uma - is one of those Dog People who thinks cats are evil

evie - stays friends with a straight girl shes crushing on who treats her badly bc she’s delusional

mia - thinks she can Connect with every animal she meets and then gets embarrassed when a stray cat scratches her

yuko - asks for some of your fries and never gets any of her own

mo - mansplains but does it to everyone not just women. he just assumes he knows more about every topic than everyone

addison - says “haha i guess it’s free then” when her card won’t swipe

zed - unironically says swag

violet - legit rolls her eyes when you haven’t read at least 5 books on communist theory and treats you like an idiot for the rest of the convo

tony - repeats “i’m fine with whatever!” and won’t just be the one to decide on a restaurant to eat at

kairi - posts basic instagram captions and thinks it makes her look cool. eg. “we out here” “you already know” “watch me”

sora - says “happy hump day” on wednesdays

riku - tries to act brooding but ends up just being rude when someone else is trying to be polite

daphne - likes candy corn + takes the best piece of pizza first

fred - uses his phone on speaker in the middle of walmart

milo - can’t order his own food without apologizing

kida - no filter. you’ll be at dinner and she’ll come back from the restroom like “sorry i had the runs from a bad burger i ate for lunch”

yakko - goes to school/work when he’s sick because “he’s fine”

wakko - similar to yuko’s but won’t even ask first before he grabs a handful of fries

dot - takes everything you say personally. literally everything. you could say i dont really like burger king and she would be like thats where i had my 7th birthday party. and get mad at you

#autism tag #this is sorted by chronological special interest #this isnt all my favs btw. just the ones i could fit in here without it getting obscenely long

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nutterwithasolderingiron · 3 years

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so. let’s talk about tramp stamps seriously.

this has been a topic on my mind since my friend first sent me one of their tiktok videos saying “lol, look at this cringe” and indeed, it was cringe. next i started seeing more and more videos about how bad they were and how much astroturfing they were doing on social media to get attention. when this level of astroturfing goes on, it’s most people’s first response to look into things deeper. and there we found problematic tweets, cringe lyrics, cousin loving cousin, dr. luke and much much more. during this time, i seen a few people saying “oh, you only hate these guys because your a sexist fuckhead” even when women and queer folk were criticizing them. then they came to tumblr..... and left tumblr 5 hours later. then the stans started doing what they do best. seeing how some of the stans have responded to the release of the new record, this is going to be me “mansplaining” or whatever. this is me explaining what i see the 2 major problems people have with tramp stamps. the woke aspect the most common complaint i seen with the tramp stamps was their politics and almost co-opting left wing talking points without any understanding or nuance on the situation at best. this is why people dislike the whole “girlboss” thing. not because they are sexist, but because it’s often invoked in “fuck everyone, i can do this because i’m a badass bitch” which is really just the middle class millenial version of a karen. at worst, some of their lyrics are problematic. need i bring up the lyric about her drunk boyfriend not getting it up? if you don’t know what’s problematic about that, think of her intent in the situation, now picture the genders reversed? yeah.

the “authenticity” aspect.

this is the one i feel more inclined to talk about. i’ve been a part of the punk/post-hardcore/emo scene since i was in my teens. i’ve played in a lot of local bands, ran shows, social media accounts, street teams, repaired guitars, pulled sound for 15+ years. now, in these scenes, there can be some gatekeeping BUT usually that attitude gets called out. i’ve had afab bandmates get heckled like crazy and in those situations, we’d pull a kathleen hanna and escort the fuckers out the venue. so what i say when i bring up this next part is not “gatekeeping” it’s just how the scene works and has always worked.

these scenes foster a community based on authenticity and the attitude of having to grind to get results. most the all time great bands in the rock/punk/metal/hardcore/emo/post-hardcore had to grind but also come across as authentic, you gotta network, you gotta send out hundreds of demo’s. spend thousands on recording, touring, merch, promotion. you know what a 20 year old ford transit with 6 people in the back, all of which have not showered in 2 weeks? i do. most bands know it’s all about luck and connections and grinding, but they still do it. 99% of your favorite rock bands had to do it. my chemical romance? yup, i remember them on their first uk tour. green day? part of the gillman punk scene. fallout boy? pete wentz was in the vegan straight edge scene.

what people are objecting to is the tramp stamps using their connections before they’ve even really played a gig or tried immersing themselves in the scene and tried making connections. the felt fake from the very beginning. “oh but marissa did grind at her publishing job” maybe, i dunno what her job really was. but the point is, it felt very fake, it felt like there was astroturfing. it didn’t feel like 3 girls who wanted to make this music they wanted, it felt like marketing folk at her publishing job said “hmmmmm, the whole e-girl/tiktok/pop-punk revival is going well, how do we jump on this band wagon?” and people seen it for what it was.

so, tramp stanz or whatever your fanbase is called. before you call me a sexist asshole, i’m going to give you some homework. i’m going to list a few great bands with a strong female creative voice (even if they’re not the singer), my tastes tend to lean a bit weirder so i’m sorry in advance. listen to these, not all of them are all female bands since i often feel separating female/afab musicians from male/amab doesn’t create a good scene. patti smith (often considered to be the godmother of punk) bikini kill (remember when tramp stamps would hashtag riotgrrl everything? bikini kill were the band that coined the term) bratmobile (same vein as bikini kill) jack off jill/scarling (if there’s such a thing as a musician i’d simp for, it would be jessicka addams) babes in toyland (some super noisy girl grunge) l7 (heavy alt-rock/grunge with some super catchy hooks) slant 6 (what kind of monster are you is a fucking freight train of a song) hole (as much as we make fun of courtney love’s shit stirring, she could write some of the best choruses ever) unwound (my favorite band and their drummer sara is the fucking heart of the band) rolo tomassi (eva spence’s voice will blow your socks clean off) distillers (brody dalle is a fucking queen and you can’t convince me otherwise) against me (transgender dysphoria blues is an album that makes me tear up everytime i hear it but in a good way)

#tramp stamps

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zalrb · 3 years

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OKAY. SINCE ANONS SEEM TO BE INTERESTED. HERE IS MY DAWSON’S CREEK 1X01 REVIEW.

@jayciethings IF YOU ARE INTERESTED.

1. I think the opening scene does a good job in establishing the central struggle of the season and it does it in 3 minutes: 1) things need to change and Joey wants them to 2) Dawson doesn’t see why anything has to change and doesn’t see what Joey is trying to say 3) burgeoning sexuality 4) Joey-Dawson friendship.

2. I also think the Joey-Dawson friendship is also established really well and it’s actually a time where dialogue and action work in tandem. They give a brief history/overview of their friendship: “you’ve been sleeping over since you were 7″ “i’ve seen you pick your nose, scratch your butt” while also showing them watch tv, playfight and ultimately end up sleeping in the same bed, like they did when they were 7.

3. I actually don’t find the dialogue as annoying right now.

4. I will forever be angry that they didn’t pay to have the original music with their scenes because Dawson’s Creek is not Dawson’s Creek without “I Don’t Wanna Wait”.

5. “He did it again, he grabbed my ass.” “Like you even have one.” Joshua’s delivery is perfect because it’s resigned and un-offended.

6. “I’m Jen.” “Oh right, the granddaughter from New York.” That actually isn’t clunky. It’s a good way to do exposition.

7. “You look different.” “Puberty.” LOL Joey Whitter sass.

8. Honestly, at least so far, Joey’s behaviour makes sense for a 15 year old girl who is in love with her best friend who doesn’t see her as a sexual being and then has to watch him salivate over The New Girl. No, that isn’t Jen’s fault but sometimes people on this site act like teenagers or adults for that matter don’t have messy and not-so-great emotions/reactions to things. Unless, apparently, they’re men who are rapists and serial killers, then the understanding is boundless.

9. It’s actually refreshing to hear “Mr. Leery” “Mrs. Leery” since teens in shows now just call adults by their first names, which I would NEVER do. I still can’t do that. If I had to address initiumseries’ dad it would be Mr...

10. I also think it’s funny that this dialogue is being made fun of but this kind of cadence and irony is the kind of thing shows go for now -- Riverdale tries to emulate this and I would argue Euphoria tries to do an edgier version of this. Like Nellie insulting Pacey, that kind of tone is what they’re trying to go for with Cheryl.

11. I’ll admit this is more fun than I thought it would be so far.

12. I LOVE WHAT’S EDGY FOR THE NINETIES. SHE IS IN A SUNDRESS. SETTLE DOWN.

13. “I have it on pretty good authority that mothers have excellent sex.” LOL Pacey, dick move.

14. Renting The Graduate, how on the nose.

15. THEIR CLOTHES ARE SO 90s.

16. The soundtrack pisses me off so much.

17. Oh Dawson. I knew so many self-important, I’m-so-deep-I-like-these-kinds-of-movies or -this-kind-of-music boys in high school. Like I find it so typical that he thinks his obsession with Spielberg would interest Jen.

18. Dawson taking Jen to his studio is like Klaus taking Caroline to sees his drawings.

19. Oh man, I remember being a kid and watching these teen shows with my cousin and seeing how Capeside High School was with everyone on a quad and throwing footballs and being like HIGH SCHOOL IS GOING TO BE LIKE THAT and my cousin just being like

20. I like how Dawson’s Creek is the whitest show and they still managed to have more Black extras than Gilmore Girls.

21. Dawson and Jen actually have a nice chemistry. But everyone is coming on super strong with Jen and she’s just kind of like, this seems normal.

22. The film teacher is a dick for no reason. I’ve had my fair share of dickish teachers but this is excessive right off the bat.

23. Lol poor Jen, she really is trying with Joey.

24. I like how a status of Joey’s class is the fact that her sister is engaged to a Black man *eye roll*

25. I don’t know of any school where teachers ate in the cafeteria with the students. In my school there were teachers who supervised the cafeteria but that’s it. Wow, I spent like no time in my high school cafeteria.

26. “I’m having a climax issue”

27. Tamara, Ms. Jacobs, you should be in jail.

28. I like how this school LOOKS like a school.

29. Ugh, a trans jokes. Ugh, there was so much of that in the 90s.

30. “Nothing has to change. We can talk about anything.” Honestly, from a screenwriting point of view, this is a solid pilot. I remember in a screenwriting class I took, we studied The Social Network and every 10 pages someone calls Zuckerberg either an asshole or a jerk or something in that vein as a way to reiterate a key part of the theme of the movie and while I don’t have the pilot script in front of me, DC does reiterate the theme of the season frequently without it being repetitive.

31. The dialogue isn’t as hyperbolic as I remember tbh. And I’m going to say it again, shows are aiming for this, even the one episode I saw of the Winx Saga, when they try to flirt about mansplaining, when she’s fighting with her mom about how she’s not a feminist, they’re trying for this. But DC manages to make it more natural and it’s because the Core 4 have a charm. Even if you hate Dawson.

32. Who is Dawson’s dad. Is he in something else?

33. No, I just think he looks like Dr. Cox.

34. Dawson’s rant about sex not being important is hilarious. Yes, Dawson, you’re just pursuing Jen out of intellectual and philosophical desire.

35. I like how Joey is supposed to be a tomboy just because she’s the only girl/woman in Capeside who doesn’t wear a sundress.

36. Poor Jen.

37. Joey is super dramatic, I get that, but I kind of love it because I’m going RELAX but the way I would to a teenager. Like CALM. DOWN. Also “all I do is understand” is something that we needed to see more of before that argument.

38. Dawson, you never ask anyone else any questions about themselves, lol.

39. “How can you say you were just renting a movie??” Pacey is such a fifteen year old and I do wish the show would just ... let him be one? And what I mean by that is Pacey is supposed to be the friend with the edge, the fact that he “pursues” Ms Jacobs is supposed to attest to that fact, it’s framed as taboo and yet they’re presented as being on equal footing, even the way her date moves to grab him out of his seat when the fact of the matter is, he’s a kid, and if the show didn’t actually make the Tamara/Pacey relationship a storyline and made it about another way teenagers have certain idealized perceptions of relationships or apply kid knowledge to adult situations which still makes them kids, it would’ve been interesting too.

40. Dawson is literally dressed in different shades of beige. If that doesn’t say everything you need to know about his character --- which is intentional. But like jfc man.

41. I love that they can’t say “masturbate” so she has to say “walk your dog” I LOVE THE NINETIES.

42. And you know what, after that question was asked, the sheer heartbreak on Joey’s face and the sadness in Dawson’s eyes is done really well.

43. LMAO SO ANGSTY. No one does angst like the 90s.

44. And legitimately, the ending of this pilot is great screenwriting because a change is noted, the beginning of the episode, Joey does end up staying the night, the end of the episode she leaves because they both realize it’s true that things are changing and yet Dawson answers her question about what time of day he masturbates and to who because they’re still Dawson and Joey. And that’s the way a pilot should be written.

OK. I’ve done it.

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