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#girl i cried to my mom several times i was so scared last night for real.
sapphirebluebird · 1 year
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fuck with me and my antibiotics rn .
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reiyo0chu · 4 months
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THE PINK KNIFE
creator's recent nightmare.
plot:
(this might be a little confusing)
TW!
major amounts of blood, knives
This is not suitable for people who get scared easily and/or have scopophobia.
10:07 pm
I was looking after my siblings, my dad was on his phone, and my mom was cooking. Suddenly, the tv silenced for one moment, though it was still normally playing those bright childish videos. I heard babbling that sounded like the middle brother (we are 3 siblings in my family, I am the oldest). A couple seconds later, it got slightly louder. My mom went to the door and saw a humanoid child in all black with luminous little white eyes. I put away my phone for a second and looked at the screen door. I saw it too, I immediately alerted everyone to go to the bedroom. My parents were demanding the reason and evidence and I showed them a news article that explained everything.
" If you hear a voice that sounds like you,
keep calm and hide somewhere safe. "
They needed me to elaborate.
" There were reports from families that
they saw black humanoid entities that
like any of the family members' appearance
when they are against the light. They
have luminous white eyes and clearly seen
in dark places. "
Ex:
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I convinced my family for the second time. "Please, let's just go."
We went to the bedroom, the babbling got louder. 5 mins later I heard the screen door make a sound. He's inside, keep quiet. Then I heard the kitchen items clitter and clank.
Then someone was knocking at the door. My innocent siblings were making too much noise. The entity forced the door to open.
There it was. He was holding a knife. As soon I was about to be stabbed, I punched the humanoid child, grabbed the knife and stabbed him several times.
The entity became unconscious, then vanished in thin air. My parents thanked me, but I felt stupid. Why tf would I choose to hide ourselves in the bedroom. That was so fucking dumb of me.
We all went out of the room, and my mom hurried to check on the dish. It was ready, we then had dinner and straight after, prepared to go to bed. But I was not only ready for bed, I was prepared for the worst.
The moment I turned off the lights in my room, I started to pray, desperately hoping that I, my family, and everyone will be safe. I closed my eyes, with my face covered with a blanket. I never knew that it will be the last day of my life.
3:16 am
I heard someone knocking at the door. I knew it, it was here. Although the house was secured, how did it manage to- common sense, the windows. But how did they open? I was totally confused. I went to the door and blocked it with my body.
BAD DECISION, BAD DECISION. I broke into tears. I looked at the window and there it was. The entity had hair like mine, and supposed she was wearing a mini dress, the outfit I was wearing last night.
My windows opened.
I was in tears, pleading, begging, and said my last words. My teeth were grinning. I was scared. She was holding that pink knife from the kitchen storage.
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"PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME! I'M JUST A NAIVE, WEAK LITTLE GIRL, PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME! *sniffle*
...
"I'm sorry, Mom, Dad, I know I was the cause of your stresses. I was too much in my world. I'm sorry, God, that I have sinned too much. I wish everyone won't forget me, if they make it alive. You, everyone, you won't see me again in person, but please make a place for me in your heart too. I love you so much that I will never forget you, even if I went to either heaven or hell. I'm sorry for what I did wrong to you all, but now it's goodbye. Thank you so much for being with me through the years. Once again, I love you all. Goodbye, friends, family, everyone. "
The lights turned on.
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(THIS WAS JUST THE LIGHTING OK)
There my corpse laid, the pink knife penetrated the right side of my chest. My blood splashed and flowed until it was outside my bedroom door.
🩷🔪
(I cried while doing the ending)
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Found this question list thing, thought I would fill it out (I just like talking about myself) ----
01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? -> not really, better with my dad than my mom.
02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? -> ironically, my mom.
03: Do you regret anything? -> plenty of things, mostly just stupid decisions that hurt the people I care about
04: Are you insecure? -> about my body, yeah. Other things, no.
05: What is your relationship status? -> single. Ready to mingle, but I don't care enough to do anything about it
06: How do you want to die? -> sort of imppssible, but in a hospital with my cats. I'll likely die young and in a hospital due to my chronic illness, but I would rather have cats than people because I don't want the last thing I see to be my best friend crying.
07: What did you last eat? -> garlic Zucchini noodles
08: Played any sports? -> figure skating and bouldering (rock climbing without a harness)
09: Do you bite your nails? -> no
10: When was your last physical fight? -> I've never had one, but I would love to fist fight my mom, ex, and (ironically) anyone who's mean to my ex
11: Do you like someone? -> probably not, it's hard for me to tell though.
12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? -> yes
13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? -> yes... place your bets as to who
14: Do you miss someone? -> yes
15: Have any pets? -> 3 cats
16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? -> tired, upset for not good reason
17: Ever made out in the bathroom? -> no, that's gross and lacks privacy
18: Are you scared of spiders? -> inside, yes. Outside, no
19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? -> no, I'm afraid of the butterfly effect (if that's what it called)
20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? -> my room
21: What are your plans for this weekend? -> sleepover with my buddy, then study
22: Do you want to have kids? How many? -> none, I would be an awful parent
23: Do you have piercings? How many? -> 12, they're all on my ears, all done at home.
24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? -> best: math, favorite: English and history
25: Do you miss anyone from your past? -> not anymore
26: What are you craving right now? -> ruffles cheddar sour cream chips
27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? -> supposedly
28: Have you ever been cheated on? -> I don't think so
29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? -> Yes, several times, apparently
30: What’s irritating you right now? -> my headache, my stomach ache, my joints
31: Does somebody love you? -> I would assume so
32: What is your favourite color? -> yellow
33: Do you have trust issues? -> likely
34: Who/what was your last dream about? -> unsure. My dreams are all weird and vauge
35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? -> my mom, I only cry when I get pissed off enough
36: Do you give out second chances too easily? -> most people no. My ex yes.
37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? -> neither
38: Is this year the best year of your life? -> no
39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? -> 14
40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? -> never
51: Favourite food? -> rice
52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? -> no
53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? -> drank diet cherry coke with my melatonin, counterproductive
54: Is cheating ever okay? -> no. polyamory or break up, it's not hard.
55: Are you mean? -> not outwardly
56: How many people have you fist fought? -> none
57: Do you believe in true love? -> maybe
58: Favourite weather? -> high 60's (Fahrenheit), misty, humid, light breeze
59: Do you like the snow? -> not really
60: Do you wanna get married? -> no
61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? -> not for me
62: What makes you happy? -> cats
63: Would you change your name? -> already have, I'd do it again though
64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? -> physically, no. Mentally, I'd rather kms
65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? -> Talk some sense into her, we're gay in the opposite direction
66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? -> yes
67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? -> my best friend
68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? -> my best friend
69: Do you believe in soulmates? -> maybe
70: Is there anyone you would die for? -> my best friend
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justtogetthrough · 2 years
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My mom is here for the week and tonight, night #1, when I tried to escape to my room to lie down and exist in silence she came and sat in my window and kept talking to me. In the process, DID came up and I mentioned my first ex had it and she as like oh, how did you know, and I was like lol because one of her alters was 6 and it was really fucking obvious when the 17yo in front of you began acting and presenting like a child in every way possible and then would talk about the blood coming from her long deceased mom's head being warm in present tense?
My mom was like. Did her mom actually die? I said yes, she shot herself in front of my ex and it created an alter stuck in that moment. That I had to keep crayons and a colouring book available for at my apartment after my group home kicked me out because I had no idea how to entertain a small child or what to do when alters appeared because I was still a teenager myself and had no experience with anything like this.
My mom had other questions and I was basically like, *presents an overview of the extreme abuse this girl suffered starting as a baby and continuing to the time we dated, it never ended* and this is why that was the 🙌 most 🙌 fucked 🙌 up 🙌 relationship I've ever had and I was only 18 and it was my first relationship ever, and there I was being traumatized both from direct harm by this girl who treated me like absolute shit (understatement), and the vicarious trauma from x, y, z of her ongoing abuse.
My mom cried and was like .....I had no idea. I'm so sorry you went through that.
I grimaced and said "yeah, there's a lot you don't know."
And now I'm here realizing that for the last 13 years, my mom has had NO IDEA why I have been absolutely crippled by ptsd for all this time, that she has had no comprehension of any of the horrific shit I went through with that girl. Idk what she's been telling herself these past 13 years while I have extreme and debilitating symptoms of diagnosed ptsd. like. What did she think happened to make me like this? The things I told her tonight were just like... regular day to day stuff. That was just, being alive in the same space as this girl. That doesn't even come near the actual ways she maltreated me and ruined my brain and nervous system forever. I agree that that all was a horrifying experience for me as a teenager, and very traumatizing, but that wasn't even the abusive parts that gave me what psychiatry now calls "severe" ptsd lmao
It's wild to think of how few people actually know the horrors I carry with me.
My family legit all pitched to buy me security cameras for my house last year because even after 13 years I'm still hypervigilant as fuck and never feel safe. It was really touching how supportive they were in assisting with that, but I realize now that none of them actually know why I feel so unsafe and scared all the time. I don't think a single person in my family knows why I have debilitating ptsd that has made me government-certified disabled.
Wild.
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bitches-who-write · 3 years
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Can you do headcanons siblings of the gang ? Like, how they act with them and how they treat them and how they let the gang act with them ?
Somewhat important note below~
So we know we said we take requests on a first come, first serve basis; however for the sake of time today (and due to the fact that we did not post anything last week) we decided to take on this request early. PLEASE do not be offended or upset if you are still waiting for your request! We promise we will be getting to them ALL. After this post now, we will go back to our fist come, first serve rule.
We have a few requests which we'll be writing longer stories for vs casual headcannons. Stories typically take us several hours to complete since your 2 lovely bitches who write do not live close enough to one another. We write together via FaceTime and Google Doc. We appreciate all your support and patience with us as we write you guys the best content possible! Enough rambling now, Enjoy these headcannons!!!
Patrick With A Little Sister-
Oh boy… Patrick is crazy over protective of his little sister.
Maybe the word should be obsessive and controlling instead~
He watches her every move. He even comes into her room as she sleeps just to occasionally check on her.
Whenever she gets out of Belch’s car heading to school, Patrick keeps a close eye on her again. Mentally noting everyone she talks to.
He makes sure everyone is in line. It doesn’t matter if it’s an adult or a kid. If they do something Patrick doesn’t like, they’re getting fucked up.
Patrick refuses to let guys talk to her. Only Henry, Vic and Belch are allowed to.
When Patrick isn’t around, he puts the other Bower’s Gang members in charge of her. And she knows well enough to listen to them.
He sometimes makes inappropriate comments about her, resulting in a smack off the head by the other guys.
Patrick LOVES to mess with her.
Always holding things over her head so she can’t reach.
Laughs as she tries to jump up and grab it from him.
He’ll lean down and rest his arms on the top of her head since she’s so much smaller than him.
When she doesn’t listen to Patrick, he will literally just pick her up and throw her over his shoulder and laugh as she struggles to get down.
Even though she’s a girl and a few years younger than him, doesn’t mean she’s safe from how rough Patrick gets.
He still wrestles her to the ground and puts her in a damn headlock.
Definitely gets a few bruises from Patrick playfully hitting her. (Patrick doesn't realize his own strength.)
One word… tickled. Patrick is always tickling the shit out of her to tease her.
It’s even worse when the entire Bower’s Gang joins in on torturing her.
Look… this is Patrick. So he still has a mean, sadistic side.
He gets off on fear so he loves to scare her anyway he can.
Whether that is by jumping out at her, or doing something dangerous and reckless like picking her up and dangling her over the cliff edge to the quarry. (she hates heights and doesn’t know how to swim.)
“Uh no! You’re slipping! Better hold on, sweetheart. I know you don’t know how to swim.” He chuckles darkly, smirking down at her as she grips onto his forearm tightly and cries.
Patrick doesn’t hesitate on the low- blows, either. Making comments that he knows will make her cry.
If she threatens to tell their parents on him, Patrick will grab her from behind agressively, making her gasp as he covers her mouth tightly and whisper tauntingly in her ear:
“Now, Now.. Just why would you say that? You know that only gets you in trouble, little one..” He chuckles darkly and tightens his grip in a painful manner.
Patrick With A Little Brother-
…… I think we all know how this ended…. Patrick disliked his little brother, Avery… a lot. You see, Patrick likes being the only male sibling. It’s less competition and less hassle for him. Only Patrick is allowed to make (more like break) the reputation of his family’s name in the small town of Derry, Maine. Bottom line, if Patrick had another little brother, it would result in the same outcome as Avery. Sorry.
Belch With A Little Sister-
Very protective. Does not let her out of his sight for a second.
Hovers over her when they walk in the woods so she doesn’t trip or fall down.
He brings her along when he goes out with the guys sometimes, unless he knows they will be partaking in illegal activities.
Keeps snacks in his car for whenever she rides with him and always makes sure she eats 3 proper meals during the day.
Not only does he have extra snacks but he has a first aid kit, too.
He’s always prepared knowing she’s small, so there’s a good chance she’ll accidentally get hurt hanging around the guys.
And yes, it has happened on more than one occeasion.
He checks on her during school and makes sure no one is messing with her.
After school, Belch makes sure she does her homework but never really helps her with it. Why would he? He doesn’t even do his own assignments.
For the most part, he’s pretty sweet but sometimes the big brother power goes to his head.
He makes her do her chores and his around the house.
If she ever did something wrong, Belch goes right to blackmail.
“I won’t let mom know about that F on your report card… only IF you wash my car everyday the rest of this week.
Henry purposely spills his drink on the hood of the car right after she just got down cleaning it.
“Opps.. looks like you missed a spot. Better get to it, kid.” Henry says mockingly as he ruffles her hair walking by.
Belch always makes sure she’s safe in bed by the end of the night though.
He even kisses the side of her head when the guys aren’t around.
Belch With A Little Brother-
He takes him under his wing.
Loves to talk about cars- the makes and models, horsepower, you name it.
Even though his little brother isn’t old enough to drive yet, that doesn’t stop Belch from giving him driving lessons.
But bet your life he threatens him before taking off. “I swear to fuck though man, if you crash my car, I will end you. Okay, now put it in reverse. Let’s go”
Belch watches sports with him and even plays in the backyard, as well.
Belch acts as if he’s his coach to prepare him for the school’s team.
He also teaches him how to properly lift weights and spots him, too.
Belch told him “the ladies love a man with muscles, so to keep lifting bro.”
Speaking of girls, Belch was the one who gave him ‘the talk’... in very elaborate and explicit detail leaving his brother shocked, disgusted, and intrigued all at once.
Although he does hang out with his brother from time to time, sometimes Belch chooses friends over family and takes off for long periods of time.
Belch for the most part tries to be patient with him, but still gives his brother tough love as a form of preparing him for the real world.
Overall, Belch is a pretty decent big brother.
He means well but sometimes misses the mark.
Henry With A Little Sister-
Their father works long shifts, often resulting in an absence in their home life.
Henry’s dad basically tells him he’s fully in charge of his little sister.
Henry acts pissed off about that like she’s a bother and interrupts his life but deep down, it makes him feel important for once in his life.
Henry is both very strict and protective over her.
He’s also very controlling such as who she’s allowed to talk to or what she’s allowed to wear.
Nothing short or low cut is allowed. She better not even think about talking back, either,
Henry doesn't have much patience for anything and his temper is even worse.
For example- Her short legs means she walks slower than the rest of them.
Henry rolls his eyes and ends up dragging her by her wrist or sometimes just throwing her over his shoulder because he can’t stand waiting for her.
When it comes time for school, Henry makes sure everyone knows she’s a Bowers. If anyone (child or adult) even just so much as looked at her funny, Henry is throwing hands.
Speaking of school, Henry doesn’t help her with any bit of projects or homework. “Don’t fuckin’ ask me! You do it, or don’t, I don't really give a shit.”
When it comes time for dinner, Henry makes simple stuff like peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, mac n’ cheese, or sometimes just fixes a bowl of cereal. But he always makes her clean up the mess / dishes after.
If she talks back, Henry has no problems getting in her face and yelling loudly.
Sometimes when his anger gets the best of him, he’ll smack her across the face.
He stiffens up when he sees the tears form in her eyes. Sometimes he just walks away and doesn’t want to deal with it, and other times he stands there stiffly and gives her an awkward hug.
“Sorry kid. I didn’t mean to hit you. You just pissed me the fuck off.”
Henry would never let anyone ever see this but occasionally he gives her a quick kiss to the side of her cheek when he’s feeling extra guilty. 
Similar to Patrick, Henry loves to get on her nerves.
Tripping her as she walks by.
Embarrassing her in front of the other guys just to see her blush.
Smacking her off the head as he walks by- her angry face makes Henry laugh.
Tickling her to make her admit something or as a form of punishment because he knows she hates that.
Barges in her room without knocking first.
Warns her she's never, ever allowed to have a boyfriend. And if she has a crush on either Vic, Belch, or Patrick...she’s dead meat.
Won’t allow her to drink alcohol or smoke. If she sneaks and does it, Henry teaches her a ‘lesson’.
“Find you wanna drink? Then here, take it. But now you have to drink the entire thing.”
He smirks and watches her get sick from the alcohol thinking that actually taught her a lesson and will deter her from it in the future.
Speaking of drinking-
When their dad comes home drunk, Henry is the one to take all his shit just to protect her because deep down he does care about her even though he calls her a “little fucking shit” daily.
Henry With A Little Brother-
In Henry's warped mind, his brother is a guy too, so he doesn’t need to be coddled like his little sister does.
If Henry has to withstand hits and verbal abuse, then his little brother should too. “Why should he get a pass?” Henry scoffs.
Henry gives him a lot of tough love.
He tries to make him ‘stronger’ by saying some really rotten shit to him. “Builds character, get used to it, kid.”
Henry does teach his brother how to fight though. “Put those stupid fuckin’ books down pussy. Books can’t teach you how to be a fucking man, but throwing punches will.”
Henry gave his little brother his own knife for his birthday.
He told him since he’s a Bowers, he's a target so it will come in handy~
Gives his brother “advice” on girls and sex; telling him which girls around town ‘put out’ the most.
One day when his brother asked Henry about a particular girl Henry responded with: “Ooh yeah, (random girl’s name), the only thing good about her is her pussy. Face is busted.”
Overall, Henry isn’t too bad towards his brother but once again, when his temper is raging, no one is safe from him.
Vic With A Little Sister-
Overly cautious and protective of her. He’s basically like a helicopter parent.
When the guys are swearing around her, he covers her ears and tells the guys to cut it out.
“Guys! Language!”
“I’m only a few years younger than you guys, I’m not a child!” she retorts.
Patrick, being classic creepy Patrick circles around her. “Just give it a few more years babe. Based on how your mom looks...” Patrick licks his lips envisioning Vic’s mother until Vic smacks him in the balls making Patrick hunch over in pain.
Vic likes to keep her in sight so right after school, he goes straight to her locker and makes sure she rides home with them, too.
When they get out of the car to bully some kids, Vic tells her to stay put. He doesn’t want her involved in anything.
When walking through the woods to the quarry, He always has a hand around her upper arm for support when climbing down the embankment.
He watches her like a hawk when swimming, so paranoid something will happen. Again, think helicopter parent
While he’s sweet for the most part, there’s times he just loses his temper.
He’ll explode and begin yelling at her, only inches from her face.
Sometimes when she does something really, really out of line, Vic will shove her into Henry and Patrick.
“Here guys, teach this little bitch a lesson for me. And don’t go easy on her.” Vic says walking off to calm down.
A part of him feels a little guilty when he sees her cry but other times he feels it’s justified.
He isn’t overly affectionate with her around the guys, the most he does is put an arm around her shoulder.
Sometimes sneaks behind her and tasers her sides and laughs when she jumps and collapses to the ground.
But when no one is around, he 100% gives the best hugs.
When she’s going to a sleepover at a girl-friend's house, Vic tells her to be safe and mumbles, “love you.”
Back at home before bed, Vic will tease her for being paranoid as she makes her way around the house, triple checking to make sure all the windows and doors are locked.
“What? Afraid the boogeyman is gonna getcha?” Vic mocks.
If she’s having a nightmare and calls for Vic, he’ll come and sit on the bedroom floor next to her bed until she falls asleep again.
Vic With A Little Brother-
Vic isn’t as protective over his little brother as he is with their little sister; but he still cares for him.
He just feels that his brother is able to hold his own while his sister needs more protection/ guidance.
He let’s his brother tag along with the guys. They all don’t mind. If anything, they refer to his little brother as Vic number 2.
He genuinely listens to his brother’s interests. Okay.. sometimes he zones out when he drones on and on but he always acts interested.
Vic is pretty book smart so he helps his brother with school work, especially in math.
Tries to make his brother more confident when it comes to talking / picking up girls.
Basically acts as his wing man.
The guys try to give his brother tips on how to pick up girls...Vic usually tells him to ignore everything they say because all that's gonna earn him is a slap in the face.
Tells him not to listen to Henry or Patrick for girl advice.. EVER.
He does teach his brother how to fight though.
Just because Vic is one of the sweeter ones in the gang; that doesn’t change the fact that he’s in a gang to begin with…
When his brother told him he was being picked on, Vic taught him how to fight, but also got involved himself.
Nothing like sending an intimidating message to a few assholes.
When Vic and his brother fight with each other, he doesn’t hold back just because that’s his little brother.
Overall, they get along for the most part and Vic is a pretty decent older brother to his siblings.
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IN LIFE, IN DEATH..
Part Two
Part One
Warnings: swearing
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‘Carefully, you reached towards the piano and tried to touch a vase of flowers but they passed right through your fingers. Your entire hand went numb then a tingly feeling spread throughout your body.
Well, two things were for sure.
You were definitely back, but you were definitely dead.’
-
“(Y/n)?”
Alex appeared by your side, pulling your hand away from the vase that you couldn’t seem to stop sticking your hand through.
You had been so distracted, you didn’t realize that the girl had come back until you heard her scream. Alex covered his ears and shouted over the noise.
“Please stop screaming!” He shouted.
She did, but she kept eyeing the four of you suspiciously. 
She was holding a cross out as she slowly stepped into the room. Her eyes were still wide with fear but she stood her ground. “Who are you and what are you doing in my mom’s studio?”
Luke gave her a look of confusion as he stepped forward. “Your mom’s studio? No, this is our studio.”
He yelped as she came at him with the cross. He jumped up on the piano and slid across the surface. “The grand piano is new, and-”
Luke cut himself off suddenly and in a fit of excited giggles, he ran towards the other side of the room. “My couch!”
You watched as he ran his hands over the worn leather, a dreamy look on his face. Despite the situation, you couldn’t help but laugh a little. After your time in the dark room, it was comforting to see some things never change.
Luke’s eyes flickered up to the ceiling, his eyebrows knitting together as he inspected the lights and chairs hanging down and you were reminded that more things had changed than stayed the same.
You decided you couldn’t take it anymore. You had to get to the bottom of this. And to do that, you needed the boys to focus for more than a few seconds.
“Boys, can I see you over here for a minute?” You said, gently leading Alex and Reggie away and gesturing for Luke to follow before turning back to the frightened girl.
“Excuse us for a second.”
You gave her an apologetic smile and shuffled over to the other side of the garage with the boys in tow. Once you got far enough away, Luke frantically whispered. “What is going on? How did she get her stuff in here so fast?”
“Maybe she’s a witch. I mean, chairs are floating on the ceiling.” Reggie exclaimed. You could feel Alex glaring at him as you placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.
“There’s no such thing as witches, Reg.” You said.
“You sure? Cause I used to think that there was no such thing as ghosts.”
Alex nodded reluctantly. “That’s fair.”
“Okay,” Luke butted in, “So, we’re going with witch?”
“No!” Alex scoffed. “We’re not going with witch. Look, she’s just scared. Let someone with a softer touch handle this.”
He turned towards the girl and approached her slowly before practically yelling in her face. “Why are you in our studio?!”
“Real soft, Al.” You whispered to him before extending your hand out to her, wincing at the awkwardness once you realized that like the vase, you probably couldn’t touch her either.
“I’m really sorry we scared you. I’m-”
Before you could finish, she jabbed her arms forward until the cross went clean through your chest. The tingling sensation came back in full force and you resisted the urge to shiver.
“Oh my gosh! How did you do that?” Her eyes were wide and unblinking as she stared at you.
“Clearly she doesn’t get it.” Alex said, turning back to the boys and then back to her, obviously exasperated. “We’re ghosts, okay? We’re just four ghosts who are really happy to be home.”
“We’re actually in a band called Sunset Curve.” Luke explained, his tone full of pride like it always was when he talked about the band.
“Tell your friends!” Reggie piped up with his signature line and you snorted. It was nice to know that even in death, Reggie was still the best hype-man.
“Last night was supposed to be a big night for us.” Luke said. “It was supposed to change our lives.”
“I’m pretty sure it did.” Alex interjected.
“This is freaking me out!” The girl shouted, keeping one hand held out towards you with the cross and the other pulling something out of her back pocket which she began frantically tapping on.
“What is that?” Luke asked, and the girl rolled her eyes.
“It’s my phone.” She cursed herself and shook her head. “No! Stop talking to them. They aren’t real. There is no such thing as cute ghosts.”
Reggie flashed her a dopey smile. “You think we’re cute?”
You rolled your eyes and Alex leaned forward. “Who are you calling?”
“I’m googling Sunset Swerve.”
You couldn’t help the surprised giggle that escaped your mouth as the boys groaned in unison. “Sunset Curve!”
Over Alex’s shoulder, you could see the bright screen of her phone as she pulled up an article. At the top was your professional band picture you had taken a year before the Orpheum. Luke was goofing around and playing Alex’s leg like a guitar while you stood by his side, sticking a finger in Bobby’s ear.
“Whoa.” She muttered. “There is a Sunset Curve and you did die. But not last night.”
You tried to keep your composure as she turned to look at the four of you, the fear in her eyes replaced with a small trace of sympathy. “25 years ago?”
“What? No, that’s impossible. After we floated out of the ambulance all we did was go to that dark room where these two cried.” Reggie gestured between you and Alex.
“Well, I think we were all pretty upset.” Alex said in his high pitched voice that usually made you laugh, but the mention of the dark room made you remember your moment with Luke. You turned around to look at him only to find him several feet behind you, eyes focused on a spot on the wall just past you. 
The fact that he was still avoiding you didn’t escape you, but you forced yourself to swallow the sad feeling and focus on the issue at hand.
“But that was just for like an hour.” Luke said. Despite the tension between you, the sound of his worried tone made your heart ache. “We just showed up here.”
The girl sighed. “I’m just telling you what my phone says. You died in 1995 when you were 17. It’s now 2020.”
“So, this is the future?” Reggie asked.
Your head was spinning. There was no way it had been that long, right?
“It’s really been 25 years? I’ve been crying for 25 years, how is that possible!?” Alex shouted. You rubbed his back softly.
“You’re an emotional person.” Reggie shrugged.
“I am not!” He said, his high-pitched voice coming back as he pouted.
Just then, an unfamiliar voice chimed in. “I thought you were too afraid to come out here.” 
You turned around to see a kid standing in the doorway, smiling as he came into the room. “You talking to your ghost friend? Is he hideous?”
“He can see you.” Alex snorted, bumping Reggie with his shoulder.
“No, he can’t.” The girl blurted, receiving a weird look from the younger kid.
She asked him what he wanted and he rolled his eyes. “A normal sister for starters, now stop being weird and come eat.”
The girl blinked at the garage doors her brother had just exited from before looking back at Alex. “He couldn’t see you.”
“Well, yeah. That’s kinda how ghosts work.” Alex said.
The girl huffed and marched towards the doors, spinning on her heels to face you again. “Look, I’m sorry for what happened to you guys, but this isn’t your studio anymore. You have to leave.”
“Wait.” Luke took a step towards her. “We didn’t get your name.”
“It’s Julie.”
“Cool.” Luke smiled. “I’m Luke, by the way, and this is…”
“Reggie! Hey.”
“I’m Alex, how’s it going?”
“I’m (Y/n).” You waved to her awkwardly as Luke stretched out his arms and made a little ‘tad-da’ sound.
“Okay...” Julie said before disappearing out the doors.
“Julie seems nice.” Reggie said brightly, making Alex sigh.
“Did you miss the part where she kicked us out?”
As you patted Reggie’s shoulder, your eyes drifted up to the loft where you could see the outline of more instruments. “Alex, aren’t those your drums?”
Alex followed your gaze and poofed up to the loft. “All of our instruments are up here!”
Luke immediately shot up from the couch where he had been sulking and faced you and Reggie with a mischievous grin on his face.
Half an hour later, you had your instruments set up in the middle of the room. Once it all came together, you could almost convince yourself you were back in the old studio having a normal band practice. The boys must have felt the same way because before you know it, you were singing as loud as you could as Luke played the opening of ‘Long Weekend’
You got lost in the music, smiling and dancing around. Even though it felt like it had only been a few hours since you sang at the soundcheck, it had been 25 years. It was as if everything you didn’t get to feel in all that time started pouring out.
You felt like you were floating - and not in the ghost kind of way. 
It wasn’t until you heard Julie’s annoyed rambles that you came back to reality. You stopped singing and the boys followed, though Luke couldn’t resist doing an extra few riffs on his guitar.
“The whole neighborhood can hear you!” Julie yelled. “I thought I told you to leave.”
“Wait, people can hear us play?” Luke asked. Your stomach fluttered with hope as Julie sighed.
“Yes! And so did my dad and my brother.”
Alex stood up from his drums. “So, only you can see us, but everyone can hear us? What kind of ghosts are we?”
Luke gave him a fistbump. “Who cares, man? People can hear us play!”
Suddenly, the door swung open and a man stepped in.
Julie smiled nervously. “Dad!”
“Hey, I was just making sure you’re okay.” He smiled.
“I’m fine. I just had to turn off the CD player.”
Julie’s dad nodded before turning around and looking at your instruments. “Is this the junk that was in the loft?”
“Junk?” You and Luke scoffed. His eyes flickered to yours but you looked away as the man started tapping on Alex’s drums with his fingers.
“Hey, man! Tell him to stop touching my drums!” Alex complained. Julie just shrugged as the man pointed to the CD player.
“I liked that song you had on.”
“Sweet! We’re Sunset Curve.” Luke cheered.
“Tell your friends!” Reggie said as if he could hear him.
“It’s just an old CD I found.” Julie explained.
Her dad smiled. “Well, it’s still nice to hear you listening to music again. Out here you can play whatever you want, whenever you want.”
Something in his voice was a little sad even with the smile on his face, and you noticed something seemed a little heavier about Julie too. You got the sense that the conversation wasn’t just about music.
He stretched his arms and they went straight through Reggie and Luke’s chests. They both shivered but smiled brightly.
“That’s nice.” Reggie said, which made Julie sigh in frustration.
“Stay out of this.” She snapped and her dad gave her a confused look and started to apologize. Julie shook her head frantically.
“No, no. Not you. You know what? Just give me a minute.” She grabbed her dad’s arm and started leading him out of the garage.
Before he stepped out, he gave her a squeeze on the shoulder. “We’ll figure out this music program thing.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
He gave her one more reassuring smile before he disappeared out the doors. 
Julie paused for a moment, seemingly lost in thought. You were just about to ask if she was okay when she whirled around and glared at all of you. If you weren’t already dead, you’re pretty sure that her stare would’ve killed you.
“He liked our song!” Luke yelled.
“He doesn’t count. He’s a dad.” Alex said.
Julie stomped her foot. “Why can’t you just be normal ghosts? Go haunt an old mansion or something! I heard Pasadena is nice!”
She stormed out and Alex whistled. “I think she’s warming up to us.”
“I’ve always wanted to go to Pasadena.” Reggie said.
“I feel bad.” You admitted. “I mean, if I was her, I’d probably be pissed too.”
“I don’t think-” Alex started, but before he could finish, Luke poofed out of the garage. 
“Rude.”
It was quiet for a few seconds before you heard Luke’s voice just outside the studio. You pointed towards the doors and Alex and Reggie nodded.
You closed your eyes and focused on where you wanted to go. Within seconds, you were standing on the pavement of the driveway, facing Julie as she and Luke talked.
“Look, I’m sorry we came into your life.” Luke said. “But what I just felt in there actually made me feel alive again.”
He looked back to the three of you and you nodded.
“We all felt alive again.” Luke sighed. “So, you can kick us out if you want. But we’re not going to stop playing music. I mean, we can play again! That’s a gift that no musician would give up. You gotta know that. I mean, clearly your mom is into music.”
Julie’s look shifted from understanding to sadness. She took a deep breath. “Was. She passed away.”
Luke exhaled. You could tell he was beating himself up a bit as he chewed on his lip. “I am so sorry.”
“Yeah, we didn’t know.” Alex said. Reggie nodded solemnly behind him.
“It’s okay.” Julie shoved her hands in her pockets and looked at Alex. “You haven’t seen her anywhere, have you? Like from wherever you’re from.”
“Uh, no. I mean you’re kinda the first person we’ve seen.” Alex said.
“Yeah, but she’s not dead so that doesn’t answer her question.” Reggie piped up, making Alex roll his eyes.
“I think she knows what we mean.” Alex turned to Julie. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
Julie’s gaze fixed on her shoes and she shrugged. “Thanks. Sorry I got mad. You guys are kinda good.”
“Kinda?” Luke scoffed. “That’s just 25 years of rust getting dusted off.”
“Yeah.” Reggie agreed. “Do you play piano too?”
Julie shook her head, a sad smile on her face as she stared through the studio’s window. “No, that’s just my mom’s stuff in there.”
“No way! She’s an amazing songwriter.” Luke said.
“She was.” Julie tore her eyes away from the garage. “Wait, how do you know that?”
Luke shrugged. “There’s a song on the piano, if that’s hers…Your mom was really talented.”
You nodded and Julie scanned all of you one last time. “I guess, if you need a place to stay…you can stay in there.”
You all cheered and Julie rubbed her temples. “This is just too weird.”
“Thanks, Julie.” You said. The other girl gave you a weak smile before she disappeared behind the gate leading back to the house.
-
An hour later, as you paced around the garage, you got an idea. Your hand flew to the front pocket of your jeans and you turned to Alex. “Hey, Al. I’ll be right back.”
Before he had a chance to ask why, you had poofed away.
It didn’t take long before your feet landed on the doorstep of the house. You wandered inside and it took a full minute of searching before you arrived at Julie’s bedroom door.
You tried to knock, but your hand went straight through the wood. You cleared your throat. “Hey, Julie?”
“Come in.” Julie said.
Carefully, you stepped through the door and into her bedroom. It was decorated a lot like the garage, with bright lights and pretty paintings. Julie sat in the middle of the room on her bed, and even though you probably couldn’t sleep anymore, you wanted nothing more than to lay down and take a nap.
“Hi. I’m sorry to bother you.” You fiddled with the zipper of your jacket. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry about your mom.”
The friendly smile she had wavered before she nodded sadly. “Thanks. I’m sorry again for freaking out back there. I guess I just still kinda think of it as her place.”
“Don’t be sorry!” You told her. “Believe me, I wouldn't have handled it as well as you did.
 I know we’re a lot to handle sometimes. And by ‘we’ I mean the boys.” 
You both laughed and Julie shrugged. “They’re not so bad. As far as ghosts go I would’ve expected them to be a lot scarier.”
“It’s really nice of you to let us stay. But I’m sure we can find somewhere else to go. I wouldn't want to intrude on your mom’s space.”
“No!” She said, sitting up slightly against her pillows, “I think it’s what she would’ve wanted.”
“She sounds like an incredible person.” You said. 
“She was.” She nodded. She took a deep breath in, “It’s just kind of hard to talk about her sometimes.” 
You nodded. “I understand. My dad died before I was born. All I really have of him are a few pieces of clothes and this picture.”
You reached into the pocket of your jeans, pulled out a polaroid picture and handed  it to Julie. It was of your mom and dad on the day they got engaged: your mom showing off her ring and your dad unable to stop smiling as he kissed the crown of her head.
It had been on you since the day your mom gave it to you with a box of his old things. The sight of your mom made your heart wince, but you weren’t ready to think about that yet.
Julie smiled as she stared at the picture then pointed to your jacket. “Is that his?”
It was a dark blue hoodie with sleeves that were a little too long for your arms so you had to bunch them up to fit your hands through.
“Oh, uh. No, this is Luke’s.” You explained, trying to fight the blush spreading across your cheeks. “Or at least it was before he waged a war on sleeves.”
Julie laughed again, and you couldn’t help but feel a little lighter.
“Anyway, I know it’s not the same,” You took the photo back and shoved it in your pocket. “But I do know what it’s like to miss someone, and if you ever want to talk about how much it sucks, I’ve been told I’m a pretty good listener.”
She nodded, a grateful smile on her face. “Thanks, (Y/n).”
You nodded and waved goodbye before poofing back into the garage. 
Between working at Cece’s, going to school, and making music, you never had much time to make friends when you were alive. Especially girl friends.
But you were starting to think that maybe you could have one now.
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July 1994
“Slow down!”
You yelled over the noise of the crowds, your tone sounding a lot less intimidating than you wanted due to your laughter as Luke dragged you up the boardwalk.
He responded with a smirk over his shoulder while he waved through dozens of excited carnival-goers. The smell of fried food, funnel cake, and fresh ocean air flooded your senses as you tried to stay on your feet. The pace was almost dizzying, and your body was buzzing from the excitement.
You hadn’t realized where he was taking you until you saw an array of flashing neon lights spinning above you. The Ferris wheel.
“Seriously, Luke?”
“It’s tradition.” He beamed, fidgeting excitedly as he got in the line. It was not lost on you that he was still holding your wrist in his left hand. “I mean, can you even remember the last time we did this?”
You didn’t. But you weren’t going to prove Luke’s point for him.
“Next, please.” The ride operator gestured for the line to move up and before you knew it, Luke was shoving you into the cart. It was a faded red one with a ‘7’ painted on the side.
“You know, it’s okay to admit that you only dragged me over here to avoid everyone seeing me kick your ass at Skee ball.” You joked.
The ride started and your cart was lifted into the air while more people got on.
“Excuse you, I dragged you over here because I wanted to spend time with my best friend.” He said sincerely, but you could see the mischief behind his eyes. “Or maybe I wanted to do this!”
Luke suddenly jerked forward, then pulled himself back, making the cart wobble.
“Luke!” You gripped the support bar and glared at him. Once your heartbeat righted itself, you shoved him with your shoulder. “You’re hilarious.”
“About time you admitted it.”
The ride spun around a few times before slowing to a stop just as you reached the top. The sun was gone now, but there were still soft streaks of pink in the sky left behind. The noise of the carnival faded out beneath you and the playful mood shifted into something different as the sky began to darken.
“Are you cold?” He asked, looking back at you for the first time in a few moments. Something in his eyes seemed softer, but you tore your eyes away before you could figure out what it was.
You shook your head and tried to hide the fact that you had goosebumps from the cool night air. Despite Alex’s reminders, you had forgotten your jacket in the car. But you were too stubborn to admit that you needed it, especially knowing how much Luke would tease you for it.
“Dude, you’re shivering.” Luke laughed and rolled his eyes before shrugging his jacket off his shoulders and wrapping it around you.
The material was warm and soft against your skin. It smelled faintly like cinnamon and laundry detergent and suddenly your head felt dizzy all over again. "Thanks, Lu."
You weren't sure what gave you the confidence for your next move, but you ignored the screaming voice in your head as you slid over and tilted your head until it rested on his shoulder. It was something you’d done before out of comfort, but you felt out of your element in this moment.
Some hair on the top of your head ruffled as he took a deep breath and you could hear the soft smile in his voice when he spoke.
“Anytime.”
There was a moment of anticipation, like just before a big drop on a rollercoaster. Neither of you dared break the silence for fear of shattering the moment and the feeling that came with it. Just as it seemed like maybe it would last forever, the Ferris wheel suddenly moved forward and the moment evaporated.
"So." You said, trying to distract yourself from the fluttering in your stomach. "How much do you wanna bet that I actually can kick your ass at Skee Ball?"
-
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wannabemobwife · 3 years
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Guns, Glamour and Goodfellas - Chapter 8
Chapter 8: Sinking Friendships
Dad!Mob!Tom x Mom!Mob!Reader
-Pairings: Tom Holland x Reader, Rosie Holland x Henry Osterfield
-Warnings: Language, Blood, Car accident, hospital scenes/talk, small talk of religion (sorry it just felt right for the story), angst, fighting, typos
-Words: 5.6K
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Author note: Sorry for the shit writing, it was so hard to write the car accident. Tried to make it as medically accurate as possible. Most knowledge derived from Grey’s Anatomy/WebMD. Sorry this chapter is long. Feel free to leave comments or message me directly your feelings while reading the chapter. Every message I've received is so sweet thank you all.
*Anytime 3 dots/ellipses (…) its a sob/breath and a moment of reflection during dialogue.
Chapter 8: Sinking Friendships
Words: 5.6K
Sirens, flashing lights and screams were the only thing Henry remembered. It all happened so fast. One minute Henry and Rosie were laughing together getting lost in each other’s eyes and the next they were both unconscious awaiting their death.
There was no time for Henry to react in anyway. No swerves or movements were made to prevent the impact. A maroon truck had collided Roise’s side, jolting her entire body. Her door was dented beyond belief.
From the forceful impact caused their car skid on the pavement, wearing the paint job away, and crash into the street pole. Henry’s entire body screamed out in pain, his injuries weren’t as bad as Rosie’s though.
“Rosie? Rosie! Rosie!!” Henry called out, desperately wanting to hear her lovely voice. Panic and heartbreak ensued when he saw blood dripping down the side of her head.
Rosie wasn’t moving. How could she be full of life one minute and the next, not? Henry reached over and placed two fingers below her jaw searching for a pulse. He felt he was able to breathe once her felt her few and far between heartbeats, it was faint but it was still there.
“Darling, wake up. Rosie, wake up! Open your eyes for me.”
Henry could feel himself fading by the moment. He used his last breaths to tell the girl he loved he was sorry. Her life was hanging by a thread and in that moment Henry was utterly useless. Praying that she would wake and he would get to hold her again, as everything faded to black.
It had to be about 15 minutes. 15 minutes for an ambulance to arrive. 15 minutes that Henry and Rosie had been unconscious for. 15 minutes of complete stillness, as everyone outside the vehicle panicked. The witness had called 911 multiple times and the other driver was unconscious at his wheel.
After those brutal and possible life ending minutes, help finally arrived. They pulled Henry from the wreck, putting him on a gurney.
“Sir, can you hear me?” called out the paramedic. “Yes. My girlfriend, help her please,” Henry was pleading for his life. How could he be so careless, it was only an accident? “Sir, just lay back. Let us take care of you,” the paramedic uttered, putting her hand on his shoulder to hold him down.
“No. I need to make sure she is okay.”
“Sir, you need to restrain yourself. The other paramedics have got her.”
“ROSIE! Just please let me know if she is okay,” screamed Henry.
“Sedate him please. I’ll go check on the girl,” said the paramedic. Henry faded into a deep sleep a moment later.
“Hey, how’s the girl? Her boyfriend won’t stop asking,” asked the paramedic to the one attending to Rosie. “Unresponsive. She has head trauma and a pulse, thank god,” he murmured. Henry was sent along with Rosie to Kingston Memorial hospital. The hospital was 20 mins away, so much can happen in that time.
Everyone else was sleeping soundly within the walls of the Holland Manor. It started to become a common theme that phone calls in the middle of the night usually meant someone was hurt. This time it was Harrison calling.
“Haz? It’s so late why are you calling?” You asked, jolting awake.
“There’s been an accident and Tom didn’t answer when I called. It’s Rosie and Henry. It sounded bad, Y/N.”
“Oh my god. I’ll see you there,” you responded, barely forming the words as tears started to fall.
“TOM WAKE UP!” you screamed, shaking him awake.
“What?… I’m up. I’m up.”
“There’s been accident.” No more words were said, they just hopped in the car and drove as fast as possible. Tom knuckles grew white clutching around the steering wheel. He couldn’t even begin to fathom a world with his Rosie in it. Harrison was already there, pacing in the waiting room.
“Haz. Where is she?” you said, tears begging to fall.
“I don’t know they won’t tell me anything because I’m not family,” Harrison answered.
“Fuck that, you are our family. How’s Henry?” Tom exclaimed.
“He’s ok. Just a minor concussion and dislocated shoulder, he’s in there right now. They are putting his shoulder back in its socket. He was really lucky but, I am worried about Rosie.” Haz said, just as a doctor dressed in surgical scrubs approached them.
“Are you here for Rosie Holland?” asked the doctor, Tom just nodded in response.
“Mr. and Mrs. Holland, I presume,” continued the doctor
“Yes, that’s us,” Tom replied, clasping your hand in his. He tried to put on a brave face for his wife. You couldn’t both be a mess.
“Ok, Rosie is still in surgery. With extensive injuries like hers we like to keep the family updated as much as possible. Your daughter was the nearest point of impact. She came in with a puncture wound to the abdomen, a severe concussion, massive internal bleeding, many cuts caused by broken glass and severe trauma to her head.”
“Will she be okay?” you asked, accidentally interrupting the doctor.
“Let him finish darling,” Tom said, his grip on her hand tightening.
“It is still too early to know. I have to get back.”
“Alright Doctor, thank you,” Tom acknowledged. You just fell into Tom’s arms, letting all the tears you were holding back fall. You broke into a fit of sobs in his embrace.
“Tom, I don’t want to lose her. I can’t lose her. She’s our baby,” you whimpered, your tears staining his t-shirt
“Shh, darling. She’ll pull through. Remember she is just like her strong mother.”Tom whispered, rubbing a soothing hand over your back.
“Have you gotten in touch with Parker?” Asked Tom as he continued to comfort you.
“No, I’ve been trying. Leaving message after message… Why fuck isn’t he picking up?” yelled Haz. Just then, Henry had walked up, sporting a cloth sling His heart nearly broke as he saw you crying your eyes out buried in Tom’s arms.
“No. No, no, no. Don’t tell me she didn’t make it.” Henry cried as his knees started to buckle at the thought of losing Rosie.
“Henry no, she’s still in surgery. Hey, come here.” Harrison said trying to calm down his son.
“Henry, what the happened?” Tom asked, scared for his daughters life.
“What were you doing with Rosie anyway? It’s late.” Tom questioned again after Henry stood silent, growing louder.
“Hey, Tom. Back off,” Harrison said, standing in front of Tom.
“No. I want to know the reason why my daughter is in there fighting for her god damm life.” Tom screamed. Henry was like a deer caught in headlights. He couldn’t lie his way out of this one. His eyes just shifted between Tom, you and his dad.
“A truck hit Rosie’s side when I was driving, I’m sorry, it was an accident.” Henry cried, barely able to get the words out.
“Son, we know it was an accident. It wasn’t your fault,” Harrison said, comforting Henry.
“Where? Where were you guys?” Tom pestered on.
“Umm, we were on our way back from… from a date. We are dating.” Henry muttered, his eyes glued to the floor.
“What? Y/N did you know about this?” Tom asked, ready to throw hands.
“Yes, Tom,” you murmured, avoiding Tom’s disappointed glare.
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” Tom screeched.
“And for you. Who the fuck said you could date my daughter?” Tom bellowed, pointing his finger at the poor boy.
“I did kind of give them permission by keeping their secret. In your own time frame though you were supposed to ask Tom,” you muttered, bouncing between Henry and Tom.
“Wait. For how long? For how fucking long?” Tom cursed.
“2 months.” Henry whispered.
“2 months. 2 fucking months. You were lying to me?” Tom screamed, he was livid at you.
“I don’t want you dating her,” Tom growled with an unchanging expression.
“I’m sorry, sir. What?” Henry asked, dumbfounded by Tom’s response.
“Tom, what?” Haz faltered.
“Tom don’t do this, he is a good kid,” you begged.
“Break up with my daughter or there will be hell to pay,” Tom declared and with that he walked away.
“Tom, you can’t do that to them,” you yelled after Tom.
“Really Y/N watch me” Tom said, ignoring his family. His heart had been broken too many times tonight. First when he heard about the accident, another when he had learned of Rosie’s injuries and another when he found out that you had been lying to him. His mind needed to be on one person right now, Rosie.
Tom managed to cool off, but immediately changed the subject anytime you would start to apologize. He didn’t have the energy to focus or listen, all he cared about was Rosie. Parker had showed up 10 mins later, he was off doing god knows what.
“Where the fuck have you been?” Tom yelled, as he saw Parker come through the sliding doors.
“Sorry. I just got your message. Is she okay?” Parker explained.
“We don’t know she is still in surgery,” you whispered, trying to hold back tears.
“What I went out for a bit and shut my phone off. What’s the big deal?” Parker asked.
“The big deal is that I didn’t know where you were. I couldn’t get in touch you. Rosie was in a car accident and I couldn’t call you,” screamed Tom, still angry from the conversation that just perspired
“And Henry?” Parker question, ignoring Tom’s scolding.
“He’s ok. Haz is with him right now, they went to get some coffee,” you informed him.
“Are you okay, mom?” Parker asked, remembering the conversation they had the night before.
“I’ve been better. Just glad you are here,” you said, bringing him into a warm embrace. As they all stood together as a family, Rosie’s doctor came to update them.
“She is out of surgery and stable. Her heart did stop and we were able to resuscitate her, she’s in the ICU now…”
“Can we see her?” Tom asked, interrupting the doctor. A huge weight had just been lifted off his shoulders, his baby girl was going to be okay.
“Yes, but you need to know something. Her brain started to swell in surgery so we had to put her in a medically induced coma to bring down the swelling. We don’t know when she will wake up or if she will at all,” explained the doctor.
All the Hollands stood like statues, unable to process the news. You felt as though you had been punched in the stomach, you wouldn’t be able to handle losing your baby girl.
Minutes, hours and days had melded together. It had been 6 days since the accident and Rosie was still the same, laying unconscious in a hospital bed hooked up to various machines. All of you stayed at the hospital expect for Harrison and Henry. Harrison was running the mob for Tom, for the time being.
You refused to leave her side, spending every waking and sleeping hour right beside her. Seeing your daughter like this was killing you. You weren’t getting any sleep and your hair started thinning.
Rosie looked pale and lifeless, the only thing guaranteeing she was alive was the incessant heart monitor. Her bruises had started to heal, changing from a vibrant purple to an opaque yellow. Everyone prayed she would wake up.
Henry tried to visit everyday but Tom wouldn’t allow it. He was still furious his daughter was dating him and everyone else knew about it except him. Tom’s heart ached for Rosie to wake up and be his funny, sassy, brave girl once again. Tom, however couldn’t stand how the waiting was making you feel.
“Darling. Wake up!” Tom whispered, gently shaking you.
“What? Did something happen? Is Rosie ok?” You exasperated, jolting out of your sleep and trying to catch your breath.
“No, she’s fine. It has just been a while since you had gone home and cleaned up. It might do you some good, baby,” Tom pleaded.
“Tom, I can’t leave her,” you whispered.
“Y/N, it’s ok. Let me take you home and Parker will be here in case anything were to happen,” Tom explained.
You were hesitant at first but eventually agreed, it had been awhile since you had showered or had a decent meal. Living off of the same sweatshirt and hospital cafeteria snacks for the past couple days. All your energy had been put into watching Rosie.
While Tom took you home, Parker was tasked with watching his sister. As kids they were both active and had gotten hurt, only most ever being a broken bone, never a life or death situation. Not only was Rosie Parker’s sister, but she was his twin.
His built in best friend. There had never been a time where he didn’t know her, maybe the first 5 mins of his life, but Rosie soon followed. Sure they fought and argued like all siblings do, but they couldn’t imagine their life without each other. He needed her sarcastic comments and infectious laughter to brighten his day. He needed her warm, slightly awkward hugs and her bitchy attitude once in a while. Parker didn’t know what he’d do without her.
“Rosie, I don’t know if you can hear me but mom is a mess, dad has barely said to word and everyone just needs you to wake up. I need you to wake up…. We all do, especially Henry,” Parker whispered.
“God, he secretly loves you. He hasn’t had the balls to tell you yet, but if that it is what you need to wake up, then do it….Let that be it…. That he loves you, Rosie…. He loves you.”
“I know what it is like to lose someone you love. Charlotte didn’t have a choice, but you do. You can fight and come back to us…. Come back to Henry. He needs you. He calls me every night asking if you had woken up yet. Dad banned him from visiting the hospital. Really fucked that one up didn’t you Roo…. You should’ve told him about you and Henry, but that’s beside the point…. The point is let today or tomorrow or next week be the day I tell him you did…. Just promise me you will wake up ok. I know I don’t say it often but I love you.” Parker got everything he needed to say off his chest. Tears had managed to escape from his eyes as he held her hand. Henry was standing in the doorway, when Parker poured his heart out.
“Hey mate. Mind if I have a minute with my girl?” Henry spoke.
“Not at all. Perfect timing, my parents just left,” Parker said, getting up from his crouched position.
“Yeah, I know. I was parked in the parking lot, waiting for them to leave.”
“How much of that did you hear?”
“Oh, none. None what so ever.”
“So practically all of it?” Parker said in response.
“Yeah,” Henry just nodded along.
“I’ll leave you guys alone,” Parker said as left the room.
Now it was just Henry and Rosie.
Tom had forbidden Henry from seeing her, he hasn’t even gotten to hold her hand. Henry tried to hold back tears as he saw the girl he loved looking half-dead. Her skin had lost its color and her necklace, the one he had given her, was stained with blood sitting in a bag on her bedside.
“Hey Roo. I’ve missed you…. Life hasn’t been the same these past few days. I’ve missed all your good night and good morning texts and your smile.” Henry started.
“Everyone wants you to wake up. They need you to wake up. Can you just open your eyes and flash that smile for me? I need it and I need you…. Rosie,… here it goes,… I love you. I couldn’t stand the thought of you never knowing I love you. So there it is, I love you.”
“I love everything about you…. Your eyes, your laugh, even that weird snort you do. I love you and that has to be enough. It has to be enough for you to wake up and come back to me…. Don’t just do it for me, do it for Parker and your dad and your mom. They have all been losing their minds without you.”
“Rosie, please baby. I love you and that has to be enough,” Henry concluded as tears streaked his face. He moved to press a chaste kiss to her forehead when all of a sudden machines starting going off and beeping left and right.
“Rosie? Rosie stay with me!” Henry didn’t know what was happening. All he knew as that she was still alive and prayed to god he wouldn’t hear her flatlining.
Rosie’s body started to jerk and shake, involuntary. The room filled with nurses and doctors, rolling Rosie on to her side. Her muscles spasming everywhere.
“Sir, you need to leave,” said the nurse, prying Henry away from Rosie.
“No, please let me stay with her,” Henry cried, refusing to avert his eyes from Rosie.
“You need to leave. Let us help her.”
Henry stood crying, peering through the glass doors at the love his life slipping before his very eyes. Her seizure only lasted about 8 minutes but, minutes bleed to hours as tears refused to stop.
“Henry? What happened?” Parker said, running up to Henry crouched on the floor with his knees to his chest and head buried.
“I don’t know. They forced me to leave. Her body started shaking violently, I don’t know what happened,” Henry sniffled, titling his head up. His eyes were beet red and his face was riddled with tears. Parker just stood there dumbfounded. He only left for 10 minutes to get some water. How could so much go wrong in that time.
“Young man, are your parents here,” asked the doctor as everyone came out of Rosie’s room.
“No, they went home to grab some things. Why?… Is she dead?” Parker questioning, pulling at the roots of his hair.
“No, she’s alive, but we can’t share any further information till they get here,” explained the doctor. Parker just nodded in response and Henry was able to breath again, exhaling the breath he was unaware he was holding.
Parker was about to make the call he dreaded. This was the entire reason you refused to leave, in case anything were to happen.
“Parker, what’s up. Is Rosie okay?” Tom said as he answered the Parker’s call.
“Dad, no, you need to get to the hospital. Something happened with Rosie but, they won’t tell me anything,” Parker said, his voice wavering.
“Oh my god, I’ll be right there,” Tom said, hanging up the phone. He had been refusing the chance to break down, he felt as though he had to be strong for everyone else.
“Y/N! Y/N!!” Tom screamed through the house. The one time Tom tries to do something good everything gets screwed up.
“Tom, what?” You exclaimed, startled by his screams
“Something happened with Rosie,” Tom said, a fews tears dripped down his face.
“What? No. No, no, no. I wasn’t there. I’m her mom and I wasn’t there. Why the fuck did you make me leave?” You cried, feeling like a terrible mother. You never should’ve left.
“I’m sorry. Be mad at me later, let’s just go,” Tom said, grabbing his car keys.
Tom’s reckless driving was not the problem at the moment, you just need to be there for Rosie. At the hospital, Tom barely parked properly before they were running through the halls. He came upon Parker in the waiting room, looking disheveled as fuck. His eyes were puffy eyes and hair stood up, he could tell his son was tugging on it in frustration.
Tom needed something to take his mind off Rosie. He needed to punch something or beat someone up or even just take his angry out with words.
“Parker, what happened? Is she okay?” You said, scared for Rosie’s life.
“I don’t know. No one has come out of her room,” Parker explained and you just nodded in response, trying not to cry again.
“Parker, what the fuck is Henry doing in here?” Tom demanded.
“Umm,” Parker mumbled.
“I’m sorry sir, I needed to see her,” Henry said profusely, apologizing
“I don’t care what fuck you needed to do. You are the reason she is dying. You were the one driving,” Tom screamed.
“Tom it was an accident,” you said, trying to reassure yourself in the process.
“Y/N I don’t understand how you can take his side when he almost killed our baby girl.”
“Like, I said it was an accident!” you explained.
“Nurse! Nurse!” Tom yelled.
“Yes, sir. Do you need the doctor?” asked the nurse, worried someone was bleeding.
“No. I want to know who the fuck let this boy in here.” Tom thundered.
“I don’t know sir, I’m so sorry. This won’t happen again,” she explained.
“Tom he can stay. If he is telling the truth about loving Rosie this concerns him as much as it concern us,” you said. This must be killing Henry like it was to you.
“No, he fucking can’t. Now get out, before I have you escorted out of here in a body bag,” Tom threatened.
“Alright, I’ll go. Just please, tell me if she wakes up,” Henry pleaded, slowly walking away. He wasn’t going to go home, he couldn’t. He couldn’t leave, not when Rosie was still in that state.
They all saw the doctor come out of the room and quickly cornered him. A grim expression draped across his face created uneasiness in everyone.
“I’m Y/N Holland, I’m her mother. What happened? I just left for twenty minutes,” you asked, tears streaming down your face as you barged in the room.
“We put her on a ventilator, the seizure was caused by lack of oxygen to her brain,” the doctor said.
“I’m sorry, what? She had a seizure?” Tom said, trying to put the puzzle pieces together.
“Yes. Her brain function has remained unchanged for several days now. In my expert opinion, her outlook isn’t very good. I would prepare yourselves. We can keep her comfortable if you would like or we can arrange her to be moved to a facility where she will possibly heal in the future,” explained the doctor.
“What are you saying? She’s brain dead?” asked Parker chiming in.
“It’s too still early to give a definitive diagnosis, but most likely, yes. I’m sorry for your loss.” The doctor said, exiting the room. You wanted to die right in that moment. A piece of you died the second those words slipped out, you were inconsolable.
“Y/N. Baby, come here,” Tom whispered. Trying to reach out for you, his broken wife.
“Don’t fucking touch me. I should’ve never let you convince me to leave,” you cried.
The guilt was enormous for everything. You were the one who let Rosie and Henry date, without that they would have never been driving together. Never gotten in the accident, you couldn’t help but feel responsible.
It was always the same feeling, you felt walking into Rosie’s hospital room. The feeling of drowning or being burned alive. It’s indescribable. A feeling felt by those who lose their children. You put them on this earth and for them to leave it before you was wrong.
“Rosie, I’m so sorry I left baby. I’m here now and I’m never leaving,” you said, combing your hand through her brown locks.
“But its okay if you need to. It’s okay. I’ll be alright, we all will be…. You can let go…. I love you so much sweetheart, don’t every forget how much mommy loves you…. You can rest now,” you said, moving to Rosie’s side to take her hand in yours. Seeing Rosie like this was tearing you apart from the seems.
It wasn’t long before all tears had put you to sleep. Tom had covered you up with a blanket. You talked to Rosie as though she could hear you. Maybe she could, maybe not but, you definitely wished she could. Tom hadn’t had the chance to break down like you. You needed him to be the strong one, but he was human too.
“Rosie, it’s dad. Everyone besides me has gotten the chance to talk to you, so here it goes,” Tom started.
“I know your mother said that is was ok to leave, but it is not. You hear me. Don’t you dare leave…. Rosie, darling you need to fight. Fight whatever it is that will bring you back to us. You are so much stronger than you lead on baby.”
“I love you so much, please come back to us…. I don’t know if your mother can take losing you. Also that boy you secretly hid from me. Once you wake up you are grounded. I don’t know why you fell for that scruffy looking kid but he needs you, baby. We all do,” Tom concluded. There was no easy fix to this problem. He couldn’t go out and torture somebody or beat them til they broke. Not even money could fix this. He felt completely and utterly useless.Tom reached out to the only thing that could help his daughter, God.
“Hey, god above, I don’t really have a name for you. You are just the one who watches over people, you could be from any religion. I don’t know,” Tom said, clasping his hand together as he spoke to the heavens above.
“I know we don’t talk often and I’m sorry for that and I’m sorry for the despicable acts I’ve committed but I need you help…. My daughter needs your help. She was in a car accident and she hasn’t woken up yet. She’s so young, she has her entire life ahead of her and I want her to experience it all…. I’d really like to walk her down the aisle someday. Can you just bring her back to me? That’s all I ask, just bring her back.”
“Thank you. Shit, I’m believe I’m supposed to say amen and I’m sorry for cursing a second ago. Just remember what we talked about, do this for her not me. God knows I don’t deserve it,” Tom said, ending his plea to the god or gods above.
Tom couldn’t of imagined better timing, with his speech, Rosie’s fingers started to twitch in his hand.
“Y/N wake up?” Tom yelled.
“What, I’m up. Is she ok?” You asked, confused by his outburst.
“Better than ok, her hand moved,” Tom explained.
“Oh my god, really? Parker go get the doctor,” you said, moving towards Rosie.
“Rosie?” Tom said as she started to stir.
“Rosie, baby. I’m here” you said, holding her hand. Rosie eyes fluttered open as she choked on the intubation tube, which gave her oxygen.
“Shh, you’re ok. You were in a car accident with Henry. You’re ok,” you said, softly. The look on Rosie’s face broke your heart. She looked so confused and overwhelmed all you wanted to do was hold her and never let go. Yes, she was a teenager but she will always be your baby girl.
Parker quickly brought the doctor in and he conducted a neurological exam. He removed the tube down her throat, allowing her to breath normally.
“Rosie, you’re awake. Don’t try to talk, it will feel weird for a while. I can get you something for the pain. I’m going to have you do a few tests. Blink once for yes and twice for no, ok?” The doctor explained. Rosie followed his instructions and blinked once. You and Tom were holding each other, praying Rosie didn’t have any brain damage.
“Follow the light for me please. Good. Squeeze my hand. Good grip… These are all amazing signs. Everything looks good. No neurological deficits, but I still would like to get an MRI for her. In the meantime, just rest. It’s going to feel weird as your brain has basically been sleeping for a week,” the doctor concluded, leaving everyone alone to rejoice.
“Mom?” Rosie said, her voice extremely hoarse.
“Yeah, honey. Take it easy,” you said. Words couldn’t describe how you were feeling, you got your daughter back.
“Where’s Henry?” Rosie croaked out.
“He’s ok Rosie, I believe he is outside. Would you like to see him?” You asked, much to Tom’s dismay. Rosie just nodded in response, trying to make everything seem less hazy.
“Rosie,” Henry said with a biggest smile on his face. Nothing could bring this boy down from cloud 9, she was ok. The love of his life was ok.
“Hi,” she said with a half-smile. That’s all she could must her up with her energy.
“Thank god you’re okay. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Henry said, kissing her forehead.
“We will give you two a minute,” you said, pulling Tom and Parker out of the room. Tom was giving you a bunch of harsh glares, he knew what you were doing. However, he too ecstatic that Rosie was awake to be mad at Henry.
“Are you okay? How do you feel?” Henry asked concerned.
“I’m okay. Henry, I have to tell you something,” Rosie responded.
“I love you…. Walking up in the hospital bed just made me realize who cares if it’s too soon or if you don’t feel the same way, I just had to tell you. I love you,” Rosie declared. This was his chance, break her heart and walk away, she didn’t deserve to be here in a hospital bed. Tom was right, Henry knew what he had to do.
“Rosie, I think we should break up,” Henry said, already feeling like he made the biggest mistake of his life.
“What, why? Did I do something wrong? I thought we were happy. Just yesterday you said you were falling in love me. What the fuck happened?” Rosie faltered, confused by everything.
“Rosie, it’s just not working,” Henry exclaimed with the lamest excuse.
“Fine. Leave,” she said, trying to not let tears fall.
“Roo, we can still be friends.”
“Don’t fucking say that to me. You don’t get to call me that anymore,” Rosie screamed.
“Rosie, I’m sorry,” Henry tried to say something else but was cut off.
“Just get the fuck out. I’m serious, FUCKING LEAVE!!” she thundered as he left. Henry felt like literal shit and an asshole and a fucking idiot all at once. He had just broken the heart of the girl he loves. It was never supposed to happen this way.
“Henry? What’s wrong?” You asked as you saw Henry storm through the halls.
“Are you happy Tom? I did it,” Henry barked.
“Glad she’s awake. Y/N you should go in there, she needs you,” Henry exclaimed, before leaving for good this time.
“Tom, we need to talk about Rosie and Henry,” you said, furious at Tom and his decision to break them up.
“He’s gonna fucking break her heart and I won’t allow it,” Tom yelled.
“You can’t keep them apart and you already did that,” you said sternly, you couldn’t believe the nerve on your husband.
“Y/N end of fucking discussion. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. We don’t keep secrets from each other. For fucks sake, how fucking stupid are you? Letting our daughter whore around with that kid, just like you did,” he vociferated.
“Whore around like I did? Really? Why don’t you look in the fucking mirror?” You screamed, zero fucks were given.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Tom barked.
“I know about you and Jazz.”
“What?”
“You went to a hotel and met her there. Tell me I’m wrong,” you interjected. Tom was too furious to explain his actions, he let you believe he cheated on you.
“Your silence answers my question,” you remarked, wanting to break down inside.
“Tom, just so you know you're sleeping on the couch tonight,” you said. You had your answer now. How could Tom do that to you. I didn’t matter in that moment all that mattered was consoling your daughter who Tom broke.
“Real fucking mature Y/N,” Tom yelled, as you walked away.
“Rosie?” You asked, knocking on her door.
“Mom… he broke up with me,” Rosie said as tears fell.
“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t know what I did wrong…. I swear to god if he met some other chick while I was in a coma.”
“No, nothing like that,” you said, trying to comfort your daughter. There is nothing like a first heartbreak.
“There has to be a reason. One minute I was in love with a boy who loved me back and now, I’m not.”
“Shh, it's okay,” you said, rubbing you hand down Rosie’s back as you pulled her into your arms. How could Henry actually do that to her and flee the scene like a coward. Parker managed to chase him down in the parking lot.
“What the fuck Henry?” Parker called after him
“I did it because I love her,” Henry exclaimed, continuing to walk away.
“Bullshit,” Parker yelled as he punched Henry square in the jaw.
“Owww.”
“I said, I’d fucking hurt you if you broke her heart.”
“Yeah, I know. It was still a shitty threat, but I deserved that.”
“I don’t understand what happened Henry. One minute you tell me you love her the next you don’t…. I don’t know if I will ever understand but you can’t come by the house for awhile,” Parker pleaded, wanting to know the truth.
“Alright. Just tell her I’m sorry mate.” Henry concluded, feeling like literal shit and an asshole and a fucking idiot all at once. He had just broken the heart of the girl he loves. It was never supposed to happen this way.
Author note: I'm sorry for all those who love Rosie and Henry. Don't be afraid to call me a bitch for breaking your heart, my brother did when he read it. Also Tom is a literal asshole in this chapter.
I really can't wait for you guys to read the next ones, even if you don't ask for it. I will post hints for the next chapter with emojis because it's fun.
Guns, Glamour, Goodfellas Masterlist
Taglist: @thenoddingbunny-blog @adriannauni @dummiesshort @bi-lmg @allthisfortommy
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cosmiclatte28 · 3 years
Text
Amnesia (Jaehyun x reader)
tw : amnesia, crazy parents, drunk driver accident, failed attempt to write an angst
a/n : hello, so I read this work I left since December 2020 but yeah I read this and turns out I want to know if this is interesting enough to have another chapter to finish the story or not. If not then it's okay I'll just leave it here, but if you're curious I can try work it out.
tagging @charmingyong @neopalette .. @yutahoes and @swagmonsterofficial who can probably help me with the writer's block . you too readers. help me finish this story :))) thxxx
The thing you fear the most in this life is the day where you lost your memories. Memories of everything important in your life. You've been so afraid of not remembering things, mostly because the doctrine of your parents planted inside your brain.
"Look at your brother, Doyoung, he aces all of his tests, have time to do sports, sings well, proper manners, and always practicing doing his best. You too should think of being like him."
For sixteen years you're always compared to him. For sixteen years you worked your brain off to memorize extended classes you were forced to take. For sixteen years you faked your identity in order to look smart. For sixteen years you pray with all your might nothing bad will happen to you that involves a reset button to your brain.
That day happened, on your last year of high school where you've prepared yourself for the national entrance test. You've forced your brain to memorize everything, maximizes all you know since young age, and even pushed your other desires aside (not that it is new, you never put your desire first)
You start preparing it one year prior
"Don't go too hard (y/n)... I know you can do this," your boyfriend (secret boyfriend) calls you when he checks on you.
"Oh Jaehyun-ah, as much as I want to slack off there is no way I'll live in peace if I score lower than Doyoung's." You reply him as you flip through some sets of questions.
Jaehyun sighs from the other end of the call "And your brother scored perfect?"
You hum "Actually yes he did."
"Did your parents really love you? Why are they torturing you this way... I remember playing when I was younger and yet I made it to this stage." The young future psychologist boasted.
Jaehyun is actually the same age as your brother, he is Doyoung's friend and he knew you from visiting Doyoung back then in high school. He secretly learns about your name and even your number, since then he's been calling you and giving you all the love, you could never get from your family.
"I study psychology and what they're doing is not good." Jaehyun lays down on his bed. As much as he questions himself why he wanted to date you he can't answer it.
His friends had been telling him to break up with you because you're just going to make his life hard since your parents went too hard on you. But his heart screams that he needs to help this little girl he secretly feels bad. Jaehyun saw you sitting on your room sticking your nose to a book he thought was a middle school's book... when you were just graduating elementary. He was pretty sure you're not happy and even Doyoung secretly spills the hidden feeling that he doesn't like seeing his sister treated that way.
He remembers the conversation he had with his bestfriend on that summer vacation
"Make it stop then Doyoung..." jaehyun said as he played with a soccer ball inside the big room.
Doyoung sighed "I tried Jae, but mom and dad didn't seem to listen. They just told me they wanted the best for (y/n) and that by pushing her she'll find her way to be successful."
Jaehyun snorted "Gosh I'm glad my parents are not like yours."
Doyoung massaged his nose bridge "I even tried messing up my scores, but I earned myself detention and she was told to never be like me. Look I tried rebelling, but they're not fazed."
Jaehyun rolled his eyes "Want to escape to my house? Take (y/n) too maybe..."
Doyoung buried his face on his hands "Oh I wish Jae! I am also hating this, but I'll be dead and if this involves (y/n) I'm double dead because," Doyoung fixed his posture and mimicked his parents "Doyoung you're the brother here, a gentleman will always protect a lady and (y/n) is your sister and she's a girl."
"Damn it. Jae, I need that scholarship!" Doyoung groaned.
Jaehyun nodded "The one offering a seat in USA? Go for it. I didn't see why you hesitated... with that brain you didn't need to study and still get perfect."
Doyoung went silent for a minute "But won't I just make her life harder? Who will help her if I am not here?"
Jaehyun snickered "As if you have been helping her at all... take that chance. I'll look after (y/n) she's already like my little sister."
Doyoung couldn't thank Jaehyun enough when he hugged his friend before leaving to the states.
Doyoung hugged you too and secretly whispered "Jae is my substitute, please please promise me you will be honest with him and tell him whatever you're feeling. I'll see you in the states! Girl this is your chance to leave the dark alley." Doyoung wiped your tear that left your eyes. Well Your brother has been secretly sneaking from his room to teach you things you still cannot understand when you're younger. He kept on apologizing for the situation you both live in... but you can't totally blame him too. In this life if someone asked you who were the most important person, you'll say it's Doyoung then Jaehyun.
In the meantime
"Look Jae, I need that scholarship... Doyoung is waiting for me. He's been telling me life is not that gloomy." You sound so hopeful and Jaehyun doesn't want to spoil your small happiness.
He sighs "Fine, you've learned enough! Please a good rest is also important."
"Yeah yeah say that to my parents and see if you got slapped." You giggled and Jaehyun noted that. Well he had been noting your behaviour too and planned to make you his first journal subject.
"Look I love you okay, don't tire yourself too much. Drink water, stay healthy and sleep." He bids you goodbye and little did you know that was probably the last night you could sit in your room and absorbed new materials inside your brain.
For the next day when you got home from school, you never made it back home. You did not remember anything, only a loud horn and your body hitting the asphalt. Your ear rang and your eyes went dark.
Your parents were crying when they heard the news of you getting hit by a car and it was a drunk driving accident. Jaehyun left his class when Doyoung texted him about you. Well Doyoung was called in the middle of the night and he was more than broken hearted to hear this.
Jaehyun was shocked when he heard the news, but he was more shocked when he sees your parents are there weeping like how parents love their children so much and super afraid of losing them.
He wonders why they would treat you so strict if they love you this much. Well some people say that is their way of showing love, but for rational people Jaehyun disagree how hard your parents were on you and your brother.
Your mother recognized Jaehyun and explained everything that happened.
Jaehyun's heart broke when the paramedics informed them on the next day that you got the amnesia.
Your parents cried maybe because it is the natural way to act, but Jaehyun's world collapsed when he remembered you telling him the worst thing you fear is waking up with a blank brain.
It took you some days to wake up from your coma, considering that you also had some broken bones and some operations are done on your body, Jaehyun's glad you woke up four days after the accident.
He saw it the first time you open your eyes and you squinted all around he saw the slight tremble you had in your eyes.
Though he's not sure if you have amnesia you could remember fearing this to happen, but he believed your heart remembered this fear and showed how scared you are.
The doctor ran the first test and you happened to know basic things like your name and at least your parents. You know their faces but not their names and Jaehyun, it took you some time but the glint of hope in your eyes was enough to let Jaehyun feels not left out.
"Jae" you whisper, and the doctors were delighted when you could mention his name.
Your parents were crying, feeling super sad that their daughter had to go through this but once you got a time alone with Jaehyun you couldn't cry nor can you laugh.
"Jae," that is all you can think of.
You move your hands and find them fascinating. Jaehyun wanted to cry, it's as if you're a baby discovering new things you can do again. This is the same girl who understand chemistry even when she's just eleven! The girl who speaks five languages fluently, the same girl who can play the hardest piano piece, the same girl who was forced to be perfect and she did it she was perfect but she lost everything she worked super hard for.... within one blink of an eye. For the first time after several years, Jaehyun cried his heart out in silence alone in his bedroom.
For two months you were on a therapy session to regain your memories and some of them are coming back. Jaehyun took a break on his school, saying he is doing a research (well he didn't lie) but mostly because he needs to and wants to take care of you. He didn't want your parents to ruin this golden chance of him fixing you (he wishes)
"Name?" Jaehyun asks every time he visited you. You could answer that easily "(y/n)"
"Siblings?" You could also answer that "Doyoung."
It took you sessions to find a trigger word that could bring more memories back.
"Books?" The doctor once asked and you blanked out. Your body shakes and the traumatic experience of being forced to read from a young age came into you.
"Books?" The therapist asks again when you kept quiet. Jaehyun sits next to you, holding your hand and he frowns when your grip tightens.
"Hell." Was all you say before clenching your fist and holding your head from throbbing so much.
You woke up on your private room already Jaehyun happens to be writing down the notes from today's session.
"I saw some memories Jae. What month is this?" You asked out of the blue
"No don't ask me questions. Rest (y/n)" Jaehyun tried to divert your attention.
"Month Jae!" You scream and right on time a nurse came in she heard your question and easily answered “November?"
You count and stared in horror "The test... 8 months left Jae! How can I memorize what I've learnt since baby to now?!"
The nurse was surprised maybe by your burst of words or just surprised by your sentence and Jaehyun shot her a dead glare.
She quickly changed your IV and left after seeing your panic stage.
You were shaking, nerves suddenly transmitting traumatic memories and you cried when you tried to remember everything you've worked super hard on... gone with one accident.
"(Y/n) calm down. Forget that! forget that test! You need to heal yourself first." Jaehyun holds you back from your panic attack.
Your parents saw you frantically shake on your bed with Jaehyun trying his best to calm you down. They ran to your side and when they heard what you said, their heart broke and for the first time your parents realized they've been doing the wrong thing to you.
"Mother is sorry, please (y/n).. honey" she cried... if your mind is right, you'll choke up for she never calls you sweet names, but you have no recollection of that, "honey please forget that test. Forgive me and dad for being too hard on you. Please my one and only precious daughter... just heal yourself first. You don't have to take the test now. Calm down."
Actually, Jaehyun finally talked to your parents, he talked politely about the way your parents raised both you and Doyoung in a wrong way. No, he didn't blame your parents for wanting the best, he just told them they shouldn't be comparing child and shouldn't put too much force on something one doesn't like. He explained the effect you had growing up like that and your mom was crying when she heard Jaehyun's easy explanation.
"We're sorry... now how do we fix this?" Your mother asked to the young man across him.
"If you let me, this is a new blank page. Like a reset button, though (y/n) might get fragments of the dark memories, but we can at least rewrite the pages and put in more love and joy into her life."
Your parents both agreed and let Jaehyun does his best to fix their mistakes.
So here you are, sitting on your bed for the third month already, mind still somehow fuzzy and you always stare at your room with blank face. You noticed the plain walls and when you arrived at your home, the grand piano greeted you, but you were confused of the big thing.
"Hey (y/n)," Jaehyun greets you when he comes into your room, "Hungry?" He asks first thing first after you wake up.
You nod your head and notice the lack of food on his hand.
"No breakfast?" Your face shows confusion.
Yes you were eating breakfast on bed for one month, mostly because your doctor also told you to not use your legs too much, but Jae saw it is quite the time you learn to walk and eat properly.
"There is, but not here. Come, we will eat properly." Jaehyun helps you stand, and he walks you to the dining table.
There you sit down, eyes empty as you scan the room, still unable to remember where and what is this place.
Your maid comes with a plate of your favorite breakfast. You look at Jaehyun with expecting eyes, he usually sits on the side of your table and feeds you. All you have to do is wait for the food to come into your mouth!
"Jae?" You question him when he picks up his own knife and fork then he digs into his own plate.
You watch him and he speaks up "Copy me."
You pick up the fork and knife, take the detail and switch the position when Jaehyun shows the right way.
He sees you struggle with your knife still and chooses to cut it for you. He returns the plate with small chunks of eggs and sausages then pushes it back to you.
"Now, eat." He continues doing his activity and with trembling hand (because everything is like you learning from basic) and slow but steady you can eat by yourself.
Jaehyun smiles with adoration, he couldn't deny you're actually smart like gifted smart... he thought there was no way someone could live like you and Doyoung if they do not have a bright basic.
"Delicious?" Jaehyun asks after you finish your plate.
You nod "Thank you" and both your eyes and his open wide.
"Did I just say thank you?" You also sound surprised.
Jaehyun nods "I mean i haven't remind you about table manners, but as expected that big brain is not completely blank, I guess."
The day continues with Jaehyun teaching you some more basic knowledge, you sit down on the sofa and your eyes bore into the big grand piano. Jaehyun noticed ever since you came home you seemed super curious about it. He is not the best pianist, but he can play some songs.
"Come, I think you're interested in this." Jaehyun sits you on a chair beside the piano and he takes his seat.
"Okay I am not as good as you, but let's try this. maybe music can bring back my (y/n)." Jaehyun plays some keys to warm up his fingers and he didn't see the sudden surprise you have in your eyes.
Jaehyun plays a simple piece of your favorite sad song, Clair de Lune. He said he wasn't a great player, but here he is confidently playing one song from the master part.
You clap your hands astonished when he finishes half of the song and surprise him with what you say next.
"That is beautiful. Why did you stop?"
Jaehyun wants to scream, music brings you back? Did your brain forget everything else that is painful to you, but not music because it's the only thing you do with love?
"Want to try?" Jaehyun stands up and helps you get comfortable.
Your eyebrow knits together when you first eye the black and white keys and then after placing two hands over them and closing your eyes, as if it's muscle memories your finger expertly play the same piece Jaehyun showed you, but this time you finished the whole song.
Jaehyun has this recorded and if he knew this earlier, he would've made you sit here and play more music. He notes how your eyes glimmer when your fingers still remember the song and for once Jaehyun saw a willing to live in your eyes.
to be continued... (or not if this is not interesting to read :D)
tell me should I continue or not? and make this happy end or sad end?
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shespeaksinsongs · 3 years
Text
You Are My New Fear | Letters To My Mom
TW: MOMMY ISSUES, MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION, SUICIDE, AND ANXIETY.
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Me in my game room at about five years old.
I wish somebody would have told me that that smile I used to slather onto my face so effortlessly would soon become something I forced. I'm not sure if it would have made a difference, but it's best to be prepared in any case.
-
"What's your biggest fear?" My elementary best friend asked, kicking her feet giddily under the table. We were still too little to reach the floor.
"Drowning." I'd say, with a panicked look on my face, growing pale at the mere thought of dying that way.
-
"What are you most afraid of, hija?" My dad asked on our regular morning car rides to school.
"Drowning." I'd say, without even thinking twice. The answer was almost prepared, seeing as how casually it rolled off my tongue.
-
"What's your biggest fear?" My friend asked in the comfort of her room, watching as I shifted uncomfortably in my spot on her bed.
"Becoming my mother." I'd say wishing that drowning was the most of my worries.
-
I don't know when my default answer of drowning to death switched to the terrifying idea that I would, one day, become my mother. Still, somewhere along the lines, those little moments that I would suck up to my mom and gift her pretty pictures I spent hours working on and picking daisies from my backyard for her turned into scheduling my crying for nighttime when everyone was asleep.
Slowly but surely, I became uneasy about the idea of marriage, fearing that I'd only ruin it and become a wife like my mother. The idea of having children scared me to the point where I felt I would rather sacrifice my own happiness so that my children wouldn't have to live to see the day I turn into my mom.
Because in my eyes, my mom is a monster. She's not the kind of monster that has big, sharp teeth and scary yellow eyes, and a menacing growl. She's the kind of monster that you would never suspect. She's the bloody hand, but you were the accomplice. She was the screwdriver, but you were the loose screw. Sure, she hurt you, but you let yourself be hurt by her - so really, whose fault was it?
My mom is the kind of monster that uses your vulnerability against you in the worst way possible.
-
"I'm just not feeling good right now. I feel like I'm dying, and I feel tired all the time." My sixth-grade self, awkwardly positioned in the passenger's seat, turning my head away from my mom.
"Well, you know we care about you." My mom said, stoic in her demeanor and ultimately still in how she held her body up.
It was a day I'll never forget. She picked at her fingernails and anxiously tapped the gas pedal, waiting for me to be done talking about my emotions so she could drive back "home."
Warm tears stung my eyes, forcing their way down my face in slow streams. "You don't get it, I-" I stopped, knowing it wasn't worth it to try to make my mom understand feelings she'd been adamant didn't exist.
"Ay, don't be so dramatic." My mom said, waving her hand up to dismiss me and my silly ideas. She was right. I wasn't depressed or anxious, and I definitely didn't look for any excuse possible to threaten suicide against myself. My mom said so.
-
I don't know why I kept running back to her in times of need. Maybe it was my dream version of her that I relied on to justify my ever-growing love for her. Feasibly, it was the person I wanted her to be. And perhaps, just perhaps, my expectations of her drove me to the point where I'd convinced myself my mother was the person I saw when I closed my eyes at night.
I remember telling her things, spreading rumors I'd heard about people in the family, hoping that it would make us closer. The things I did just to make her happy...
-
"Mom, I'm trying my best!" I cried on the floor, cleaning up the mess my new puppy had made. She'd pooped and peed all over the kitchen. I was exhausted, previously knocked out in my bed, when my mom called me downstairs, screaming for me to get my ass down there.
"No, you're not! You never try! You're useless! I should've never had you!" My mom yelled from the bottom of her heart (or lack thereof).
Tears welled in my eyes for the millionth time because of my mother. This wasn't the first time she'd wished me dead, and it sure wouldn't be the last time. "Mommy, please just leave me alone and let me clean up." I begged, letting broken sobs come out of my mouth. I wanted to hurt her, and I wanted to hurt her as bad as she hurt me.
My mom refused to leave, yelling at me, watching as I piteously scraped my dog's contents off the wall.
-
It's sad that the only good memories I have of my mom are those I couldn't participate in. Instead, I have stories of her youth and how caring of a mother she used to be when I was a baby - conveniently so far back that I can't remember it. It pains me more knowing how she was before she had me, her firstborn. If she were this way her whole life, would I take it so personally?
Am I dramatic for wishing I had a mother who could hug me back when I hugged her? Am I a selfish and pathetic bitch for feeling envy when I see how my friends' moms act with them? Why can't my mom love me the way she loves her? Why does my mom have more pictures of her first niece than she does of me? What did I do to her?
-
"Mommy, mommy! Look!" I said, running up to my mother, holding my report card in the air like a shiny new toy - all A's.
"Nice job, Fio. I'm so proud of you. You're doing great. Keep it up." My mom said softly, pulling me into a warm hug. Somehow, that was all I needed - that's all I wanted. It really is a shame that that memory is fake.
-
I have plenty of other fake memories that I store in my head, letting the (also fake) backstories take over my mind when I go to sleep. For one of them, I was romping around on an old swing set, one that made little squeaky noises whenever I swung too high.
Somehow, I lose control of the swing, and my mom comes rushing up to me, worried and begging for me to tell her how she could help. I don't know when or how she got there (my dad was usually the one to take me to the park), but what I do know is she's exactly who I needed there at that moment.
So many real memories I have of me needing my mother most, waiting for the day she would actually turn up in one of them. She was always the first to pick me up in school lines. She was always at my open houses. She attended every grade promotion I had. But she was never there. It was all a facade. She'd said so herself that she craved being the all-star mom, the one who'd win several gold medals if there were award ceremonies for that sort of thing.
Her perfectionism is what makes her corrupt. She has spent my entire life telling me what to do, how to do it, scolding me for not doing it the way she imagined me doing it in her head.
She refused to seek help when that's all I wanted her to do.
-
"What do you want for your birthday, hija?" My dad asked, glancing at me while keeping his eyes fixed on the road, humming along to a Christmas carol playing on the radio.
"Honestly, dad?" I asked, only twelve years old, my green eyes twinkling in hope.
"Whatever your heart desires." My dad said in a goofy voice, making me smile.
"I want Mom to get help." I said sadly, hoping my dad would agree and push the idea upon my mom.
-
My mother went to therapy for four months. My dad had to pay her every session for her to go. In my mom's life, money has never been an obstacle. Her father was a middle-high class socialite in Venezuela who worked in engineering and oil companies. Her mother, who passed away of Leukemia when she was twelve, spoiled her rotten until her very last breath.
Eventually, I became mentally sick to the core. Writing and singing, my two favorite things in the world, became hobbies, and life had lost its zesty twang. Little things like music and the people I passed on the street that waved "hello" at me became nuisances. My mom "gave up" her therapy so I could get help.
I still wonder if she did it for herself or for me.
-
A few times a year, I get asked what my biggest fear is. Sometimes it comes up in conversation. Other times I create the question, not thinking about the consequences if people answer with "Spiders, yours?"
Each time I get asked, I take a deep breath and lie. "The dark." I say now, the idea of death by sea sounding more of tranquility than a travesty.
I look back at the old pictures I have of myself, a smiley and shy little girl who was afraid of nothing and everything at the same time. To her, I ask, "When you have nothing to lose, why be afraid?"
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Me, with my baby doll at age three. I loved taking care of her. I used to take her everywhere with me.
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reidgraygubler · 3 years
Text
a different type of high (spencer reid/reader) pt 4
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Title: A Different Type of High (part four)
Request: no
Couple: spencer reid/gender-neutral!reader
Category: angst in the first half, some fluff in the second half
Content Warning: mentions of death, talks about parent death, relapse scare, suicidal ideation, talks about drug usage and drugs, anxiety/panic attacks, explanations of nightmares/night terrors, swearing, intrusive thoughts,
Word Count: 4,514
Summary: Reader nearly relapses because of the anniversary of her mother’s passing. 
A/N: this one does deal with some heavier topics (see CW's), so please proceed with caution. I originally had t his as on big long part, but, uh, it was too long. So it’s two parts… anyways, thank you all for the love and support! check out my masterlist!
last part  series masterlist  next part
{***}{***}{***}
I sat in the living room with my eyes on the coffee table. Several orange pill bottles sat lined up on the edge. The way the light caught the plastic caught my attention, mostly in a bad way. I was already on edge, and my day was already ruined. Any number of things could have made my day bad, but we can easily put the blame on my mother. And, I’m not just saying that because she’s an easy target. No, I’m blaming her because she died a year ago on this very day.
I was hungry, and not for the food in my fridge. No, I was hungry for the high and the nothingness. The high that was dangerous and could likely kill me. Maybe that’s what I wanted. I mean, the only person I have in life to keep me grounded was Spencer… And we’ve only known each other for a short time. What if he’s faking it all? He doesn’t really care about me. He just says he does. Saying stuff I want to hear.
My body was on autopilot as my hand moved towards the bottles. The grip I had on the lid was tight like my life depended on it. Mostly because, in that moment, my life did depend on it. That was until a slip of paper caught my eyes. An unfamiliar handwriting was scribbled across the paper, but a more familiar name was at the bottom. 
Just because I’m at work doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about you! Please call me if you need help with anything! 
-Spencer
I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked at the note. I have no idea when he would have written it and put it there. But it was the exact sort of pick-me-up I needed to stop me from making a stupid mistake. 
I stood up and shoved the paper and bottle of pills in my pocket before making my way to the door. My keys and a small stack of quarters sat on the side table beside the door, they ended up in my pocket. 
My feet moved themselves, and I soon appeared at the laundromat down the street. There were a few people there, and I could tell they 
hadn’t been there for very long. I just hope my phone call to Spencer wasn’t too long and they didn’t listen. Although, why would they listen to a random girl’s phone call? They don’t care, they won’t care. 
I quickly made my way towards the payphones, going to the furthest one to ensure my own privacy (again, they won’t care). I fished out the quarters as I sat down. It was kind of amazing how quickly I dialed Spencer’s number, and more impressive how fast I remembered it. It was the next number I remembered after my address.
The phone only dialed for a few seconds before he answered. I would have assumed he was busy with work or something. But, I guess, like his note said, even if he was busy, he was thinking about me. I’m pretty sure he was just saying that though.
“Hello, this is Doctor Spencer Reid,” he spoke calmly like he didn’t know what was happening. Well, that was probably because he had no idea I was on the verge of a breakdown. “Hello?”
“It’s… It’s me… Spencer, Spencer, I…” I swallowed roughly as I stared blankly at the wall in front of me. I could feel my heart beating a million miles an hour and hear the beating in my head. It was nearly deafening to me. Being alone didn’t help the anxious feeling. “Are you home?” My voice was a light whisper, and I wondered if he even heard me ask. I don’t even know why I asked if he was at home. I knew he was at work. It’s only 3 pm. Maybe I was just hoping he’d be home, and he could come over and save the day, make me feel better somehow. How though? I’m not sure. Spencer’s a fix-it type of guy, I’m sure he’ll figure something out.
“I’m still at work. But I should be home soon. Why? Is everything okay? Are you okay?” He asked, his voice heavily laced with concern. It was that moment that I realized he did care about me. 
I closed my eyes and brought my hand to rest over my mouth to muffle any sobs. “Are you okay? I need you to talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.” He asked again when I stayed silent. I let out a deep sigh and shook my head, even though he couldn’t see me.
“I, uh, I… I want…” I let out another deep sigh, hoping he’d know what I was getting at. “Please don’t make me say it,” I whispered and looked at the counter. My fingers rapidly tapped against the smooth surface. We both knew I had to say it and admit my defeat and the fact that I was sitting in the laundromat, with a bottle of whatever drug I had hidden in my bathroom. “Fuck,” I shouted before slamming the phone down on the hook. The other few people in the laundromat looked at me with caution in their eyes. 
“What?!” I looked at them before I tightly tugged my sweater around my body before storming out of the laundromat. The pill bottle in my pocket rattled with each step I took, and it was getting very difficult to move without wanting to take anything. Tears sprung from my eyes, blurring my vision the longer I was outside.
When I finally made it back to my apartment, I stormed to the bathroom. My reflection scared me. I almost didn’t recognize myself. It was a little horrifying, seeing myself as so unrecognizable. So, I stared at myself, my hand in my pocket, rattling the contents inside.
I scoffed before shaking my head. My hand came out with the bottle, and my eyes looked down at it. My thumb fidgeted with the lid, wanting to pop it off and pour the contents into my mouth. But, instead, I chucked it to the sink, the lid popping off and pills flying everywhere, before I ran to my bedroom.
I pulled the blankets over my body to hide from the world. Tears were rolling down my cheeks and face and I knew there was nothing I could do to stop it. That’s a shame too… Nearly two months clean and all I wanted to do was not exist and ruin everything.
{***}{***}{***}
I jumped awake when a very loud banging came on the front door. I looked around my room before swinging my legs off my bed and leaving the room. I dragged my body across my apartment and to the front door, where the banging hadn’t stopped.
I pulled the door open and looked up. Spencer was standing there, looking at me with a frantic expression on his face. I stared at him with wide eyes, my earlier fears and anxieties quickly returning. I had nearly forgotten about calling him too. Damn it.
“You didn’t do anything, did you? You didn’t take anything?” He asked, looking down at me. I took a deep breath and shook my head. I stepped to the side and silently invited him inside. He stepped inside and looked back at me, before looking around my home. He was probably looking for any signs of current drug use. The only real sign was in the bathroom… Where the bathroom had a grenade of pills explode all over the place. We’ll just keep him out of there… For now...
“No, no, I didn’t. I swear I didn’t. I, uh... I took a nap and cried it out,”  I rubbed the underside of my nose. I pressed the door shut before turning around to look at him. He was looking at me, he still wore a panicky expression in his eyes and it made me feel sick. He doesn’t believe that I didn’t do anything. I wouldn’t believe me either.
“What happened?” Spencer finally asked as I walked up to him. He opened his arms up and allowed me to hug him. I honestly didn’t want to answer him. Everything about today was already awful, and I just wanted it to be over. “Can you tell me what happened?” He asked after a moment of silence. I let out a deep sigh after he pulled his arms away from me. He noted my deep breath and wrapped his arms back around me. 
I turned my head away from his chest so I could have a coherent sentence. Er, well, as coherent as it could get. “My… It’s the anniversary of… Of my mom's death,” I swallowed roughly. Spencer looked down at me before squeezing me harder. I pressed my face into his chest and shook my head. “And, I just…. Wanted to disappear. I don’t know…” I spoke, my words being muffled into his shirt. One of Spencer’s hands cradled the back of my head while the other held me closer to him. “I didn’t want to be alive at the moment,” I whispered. 
“Don’t say that,” he returned the whisper. His voice vibrated in his chest, and it felt good against my head. The way he squeezed me made me feel safer in the moment. “Please don’t ever say that again,” his voice cracked at the end. I bit my lips together as I started to cry. “Don’t even think like that,” his voice got even lower, probably because he was also crying and he was just trying to mask that fact.
“You don’t get to think that way either,” I looked up at him and furrowed my eyebrows. He looked at me as he remembered when he was gone for a week and how he stood in front of several people with loaded weapons. 
“This isn’t about me… It’s about you,” he whispered, bringing a hand to my face. His thumb brushed away the tears that were rolling down my cheeks, but that was basically useless because I couldn’t stop crying. But it felt good to cry, to be honest. “You’re still young and have so much to live for. Someone has to save you,” he looked down at me, his hand still holding my face. I feared that he was only doing it to make sure I was still here and alive. Which was a weird fear for me to have, and I suppose for him to have. 
“So are you, Spencer,” I whispered as I leaned into his touch more. He swallowed roughly as he kept his eyes on me. His eyes grew glossy the longer he stared at me. “You save everyone… But who saves you from yourself?” I furrowed my eyebrows. Spencer sighed deeply before hugging me again. 
“You do,” his whisper was hardly audible, so I was happy I heard his words. I wasn’t so sure what he meant by that. I mean, obviously, I was the thing that kept him sane while he was home. But, I don’t exactly know how I save him though. So, I was unsure as to why he told me that.  “It’s just been difficult for me recently. But, I’m working on getting better,” he spoke softly. And, I swear he said ‘for you’, but it was so quiet I couldn’t be sure. Even if he did say it, I’m sure I wasn’t supposed to hear it.
We stayed silent for a while, and we just stood in each other’s arms for even longer. Being in his embrace made me feel safe, and I know I said that earlier. But it’s true. I wonder if he felt the same.
“You alright?” Spencer looked up at me. I looked down at our hands and nodded. “You look like you haven’t slept in a couple of days,” he spoke, his tone was soft and gentle. I could tell that he really cared and was trying really hard not to sound mean. I didn’t mean to take it to heart the way I did, but I did.
“Not really,” I grumbled and looked down at the ground. I shrugged and quickly glanced at him. He was looking at me with an apologetic look on his face, silently telling me that he was sorry for suddenly offending me. I shrugged it off like it was nothing. It wouldn’t be the first or last time someone offended me over something so… small and unimportant. He shouldn’t be sorry, it’s my own fault. He was just asking if I was alright.
 “The last few days have been rough for me, ya know? Especially with this whole thing,” I sighed deeply and shrugged again.
“If I stay here, will you promise to get some rest,” Spencer offered, grasping both my hands. I looked at our hands with a dullness in my eyes. I was beginning to zone out because of how tired I was getting. Spencer lifted a hand and gently rubbed my shoulder. I sighed and looked down before looking up at his face.
“I’m having nightmares, and they’re really realistic… That’s why I’m losing sleep,” I whispered. Spencer looked at me before pulling me into a hug. “And they’re about everything. Me, my mom, you, drugs, dying, death… I don’t know,” I mumbled into his chest. I pressed my chin into his chest and looked up at him. Spencer looked down at me with a smile on his lips. We were really close to each other’s face, and I know he noticed that too. “I like when you spend the night,” I noted, changing the subject to something lighter, even though it was that much lighter. 
“Really,” he asked, raising an eyebrow and smiling lightly. I nodded and returned the smile. “Why’s that,”
“Because then I’m not lonely, and left with my thoughts,” I whispered as I stared at him. I’ve never noticed how pretty his eyes are, with their golden and greeny color. He looked at me like he saw something, but I was clueless about what he saw. “And, whenever I’m with you, I feel safe and at home, in some weird way. I’m sorry. I don’t know. The exhaustion is starting to hit me now that you pointed it out,” I sat back away from him. I pressed my hands into my face and shook my head. “I just never sleep anymore and I’m honestly used to it at this point. But I’m tired all the damn time,” 
“I’ll be here, you can rest. You don’t have to worry about anything hurting you,” he whispered before wrapping an arm around my body. I looked up at him and nodded. “Let’s lie down?” he asked softly. I nodded before going to walk to my bedroom. Before I even got the chance to step a foot away from him, Spencer picked me up and carried me. I looked at his face and furrowed my eyebrows. “I’m fully capable of walking, you know,” 
“I know,” Spencer smiled as he readjusted his hold on me. He was carrying me like a backpack, but on his front instead of his back. “But you’re tired,” he hummed as he held me tightly.
“Yeah, I am,” I looked at him with a smile. Spencer laughed at me and shook his head. Our faces were close again, closer than before. And, for some reason, I really wanted to kiss him. Which, again, is weird. He’s my best friend… And I want to fucking kiss him. It just felt like the perfect moment for us to kiss. But, I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I can’t lose the one thing that’s keeping me grounded. And he can’t lose the thing keeping him grounded.
Spencer carefully kicked my bedroom door open and walked in. He laid me down on one side of the bed before going to the other side. The blanket was pulled over both our bodies and Spencer was close to me.
“Please get some sleep,” he whispered, brushing hair away from my face. I looked up at him and nodded. “Do you want me to rub your back?” 
“I knew there was a reason I kept you around,” I laughed before rolling onto my stomach. “My bestest friend ever,” I hummed as he started running his hand along my back.
“Aren’t I your only friend?” Spencer joked lightly.
“Ah, not only that. My bestest friend,” I looked up at him and smiled. Spencer shook his head before brushing his fingers across my eyelids, somehow getting me to close my eyes. 
“Go to sleep,” he whispered. I giggled and nodded before moving closer to him. Spencer returned the laughter before wrapping an arm over me. 
{***}{***}{***}
I wrinkled my nose as I noticed a weight across my body. It wasn’t like an emotional weight like I’ve been so used to waking up to recently. No, there was something actually on top of me while I was asleep. So, when I opened my eyes, I wasn’t too surprised when I saw something on me. However, I was more surprised that it was another person. That’s right, Spencer stayed the night.
His arm was strewn across my torso, and his legs were entwined with mine. His head was resting on the same pillow as me. The way he slept so soundly and restfully made me mildly jealous. How come he gets to sleep so peacefully and I don’t?
I hope he was as peaceful as I thought. There was probably not a bad thing he was dreaming about. Unfortunately for me, I was freaking out because I dreamt that I watched my best friend being killed.
I laid back, pressing my head into the pillow before turning to look at Spencer. His nose twitched as he stirred lightly before hugging me tighter. I held my breath, worried that my breathing would wake up. But, it did. There was no need for worry. He must be having a good dream with all the humming and hugging he was doing. 
I looked at his face, mesmerized by the way he slept so soundly. The way his eyelashes pressed against his cheeks, and freckles dotted the bridge of his nose. His lips pouty and slightly parted. I didn’t even realize he was awake and I was staring till he said something.
“Hey,” he murmured, pulling me closer before nuzzling into me more. I smiled softly as I looked up at him again. “You don’t have to go to the bathroom, do you?” he hummed as he closed his eyes again. 
“No, I don’t,” I replied back, giving up on any chances of getting up. We might be here for a while, so there’s probably no point in getting out of bed with Spencer holding me hostage. 
“Mmm, good,” he opened his eyes and looked down at me. The tired smile on his lips made me feel warm and safe as I looked at him. “How long have you been awake?” he asked, his thumb rubbing circles on my shoulder.
“Not long,” I whispered, looking right at his eyes. He looked back at me and nodded. “How did you sleep,”
“I think that was the best sleep I’ve had in a very long time,” he closed his eyes again, “Something about your bed is very comfortable,” he looked down at me and smiled. 
“Is it the bed or is it because you’re sleeping with someone to cuddle with?” I asked myself as I stared at him. “I’m happy you find my bed comfortable,” I laughed lightly. My bed is not comfortable. So I know he didn’t find it that comfortable.
“How did you sleep?” he asked, placing a hand on my cheek. I swallowed roughly as I stared at him.   
“Better than the previous night,” I shrugged a little bit. Spencer frowned as he readjusted his hold on me. “Let’s make breakfast,” I spoke out loud before sitting up, pushing his arms off me. 
“Breakfast?” 
“Yeah,” I smiled as I slipped out of bed and grasped his hand to pull him out of bed. He grumbled before standing out of the bed. I smiled at him before practically skipping out of the bedroom. “I’m sure I have something!” I spoke out loud, knowing I have nothing much for breakfast.
 I went right to the kitchen, instantly eyeing up the loaf of bread that was probably a little stale. I grabbed it and opened the fridge, happy to see a carton of eggs. And with that, I made eggs in a basket. I hope that Spencer would enjoy that. Considering it was one of the only things I knew how to make.
“Coffee?” Spencer asked as he slowly walked into the kitchen. I turned around and pulled open a cabinet. A can of Folgers was sitting on the top shelf. I pouted as I stared at the can.
“I don’t think it’s good,” I muttered as I pulled the can from the shelf. “I probably had this stupid can of grounds for an embarrassingly long time,” I spoke as I looked into the can and noted that the grounds were kinda gross and kinda clumpy, causing me to pout. “No coffee,” I muttered, tossing the can to the garbage, only to miss and go over. The can landed with a clang on the ground. 
“We can always get some later,” Spencer smiled as he bent over to pick up the can. I raised my eyebrow at him as he tossed the can to the trash, without failing.
“We?” I asked, turning to watch him lean against the counter. He shrugged and smiled.
“Why not,” he shrugged again. I smiled as I looked at him. It was only then that I realized I was burning the food.
“Oh no!” I jumped around to the stove to remove the pan from the stove. “I hope you’re okay with burnt eggs and toast,” I pouted as I looked back at Spencer. He had stepped closer to the stovetop to watch me. He looked very amused with my laughter and urgency with cooking. “Don’t laugh!” I looked up at his face.
“I just don’t think I’ve ever seen you panic over food before,” he pointed out with a smile. I looked down at the burnt food as I carefully moved it to a plate.
“I’m hungry,” I muttered before shrugging. I looked back up at Spencer and shrugged.
“That’s a good thing…” 
“Being hungry? How is that a good thing?” I scoffed and raised an eyebrow.
“You have your appetite back,” Spencer pointed out before he lifted me up to set me back down on the counter. It was so effortless as he moved me. I was impressed that he barely strained to lift me (unless, he did and I was just oblivious to it).  We were at the same level now, and I was able to look him in the eye instead of at his chest. 
“Why’d you do that?” I looked at him before looking at the counter beside me. 
“So we can have an eye to eye conversation,” he smiled at me. I rolled my eyes and looked down at the plate of two burnt eggs in a basket. “Can I ask you a question?” he asked, watching as I started picking at the food. He smiled as he stood between my legs. 
“You just did,” I smiled, trying to pretend like I wasn’t suddenly anxious. Why ask someone if you can ask a question? Why not just ask the question? That’s like #1 reason why people get anxious. 
“I want to take you to the office, so you can meet everyone,” he whispered as he grabbed some food too. I looked up at him with wide eyes.
“You want to take me… To the FBI…” I stared at Spencer. I almost relapsed yesterday and had the worst day of the year yesterday... And, he wants to take me to… The FBI to meet his friends… I could feel bile rising from my stomach. It honestly took everything in me to hold back the sick. So, I slowly lowered my hand and food back to the counter.
“Yeah, they’re my family, and you’re my family… So, that also makes them yours,” Spencer smiled at me. I dropped my shoulders as I stared at him. I really didn’t want to argue his logic there, but I understand why he said that. 
“Won’t… They’ll… Spencer, that’s… I don’t think that's a good… They’ll ask how you know me,” I whispered as I looked away from him. He rested a hand on my knee and looked at my face.
“We won’t worry about that right now,” he whispered in a reassuring tone. I stared at him and shrugged.
“What’ll we tell them? When they ask, ya know?” I looked up at him. Spencer stayed silent as he looked around my kitchen. I could only assume he was thinking really hard about what we would say and how we would lie to his family. 
“I’m not sure,” Spencer shrugged as he grasped my hands. I looked down at our hands and felt a frown forming. “I don’t know,” he whispered and shook his head. It was obvious for both of us that we would have a hard time being around his friends. Everything about telling a bunch of FBI agents that you’re addicted/was addicted to drugs can be a little (alright, a lot) intimidating. What are they going to do? The worst thing is they arrest me and fire Spencer. “Don’t overthink it,” he looked up at me. I nodded.
“I just won’t think about it,” I forced a smile before shrugging. Spencer gave me a knowing smile. “If they’re your family, Spencer, then they’re my family,” I sighed deeply as I looked down at my legs. I pulled my hands from his before rubbing my hands up and down my thighs. “And, I’d love to meet your family,” I sighed even deeper as I looked up at him. His face lit up a little bit with my words, and it genuinely made me feel happy. 
“You’ll love them,” he whispered before pulling me off the counter. I wrinkled my nose before looking up at him.
“I mean, I’ve already met Emily. And, she seemed definitely cool,” I laughed as I grabbed the plate. I looked at the two burnt pieces of bread. I tossed them into the trash and looked up at him. “I just hope everyone else is just as cool as she is, and even as cool as you,” I cocked my head as I looked up at him. He stayed silent before pulling me into a hug. “When would you even want me to go?” I asked once he released me. My stomach felt upside-down as I asked my stupid question. “Whenever you want,” he spoke softly. I looked down at the ground and nodded.
 “I should let you get to work. I know you don’t like being late,” I pouted, “I’ll see you later?” 
“Of course,” Spencer smiled before hugging me again.
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didn’t work: thatsonezesty13,  mediocrehamiltrash
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fluffymisha97 · 4 years
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Baby Rose
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Summary: Reader and Chris had a little baby girl. But not everything is going that well, you're both trying to navigate life as new parents.
You were desperately trying to get your 3 month old baby to sleep. But that wasn't happening anytime soon. She just kept crying and crying. You felt like the worst mother ever. You couldn't even comfort your own child. You tried everything that you could think of.
You were bouncing her slightly while singing every lullaby you knew. Nothing worked. Dodger was on floor in the nursery looking at you two. After an hour of non stop wailing, the dog ran elsewhere. You didn't blame him. You went to get your phone to text Chris.
You kept bouncing Rose on your hip while she cried at the top of her lungs. You tried calling him but it went straight to voice mail. He was supposed to be home by now.
"Oh I know, I know baby. Daddy isn't home yet. It's okay we can do this. He'll be home soon."
Rose got a bit quiet at the mention of Chris. But she was still unhappy. You tried to put her in the stroller and walk around the house but that only seemed to make it worse. By now you had called Chris three times and still no answer.
You could feel your own tears forming and a lump caught in your throat. You even considered calling your mom for help but it wasn't like she was the most maternal person you knew. So instead you called Chris's mom. Lisa answered almost immediately.
"Hi Lisa, sorry for calling you so late but I just..."
You couldn't help but let out a sob.
"Sweetheart, what's going on? Talk to me."
You couldn't find the words and was borderline hyperventilating. It felt as if you couldn't breathe.
"Come on Y/N sweetie you gotta breathe. Take deep breath. We can do it together. Listen to my breathing and try to match it... That's so good, hun you're doing great."
You could feel yourself calming down from each breath you took. 
"I don't know what to do. Rose has been crying for hours now and I can't get her to stop. I tried singing, the swaddling, rocking her, feeding, changing... Nothing helps. I CAN'T do it. I'm a horrible mom. And I'm all alone. Chris isn't answering his phone and I don't know what to do. And I can't do it by myself."
"Sweetheart listen to me. You're a good mother and I know that because I've seen it. Okay, all of this is still new and you guys are getting the hang of it. I picked up most things along the way. I was nervous and scared each time but it takes time."
You and Lisa talked for a little bit and you had never been more thankful for her. She knew exactly what to say. You had grown closer to Lisa after the birth. The three of you had stayed at his family home for a month or so after Rose was born. Lisa had been such a great help.
Lisa had offered to come over to help you seeing as she only lived half an hour away. But you being you didn't want to burden her any further. The two hung up then phone and you went back to your daughter that were still crying.
Not long after did you hear a door open. You thought it was Chris but when you turned around you came face to face with Lisa.
You could almost cry all over. You had never felt more relieved, she walked over and hugged both you and Rose. She quietly took Rose from you and sat in the rocking chair and started humming a tune. You had never been more thankful for Lisa.
You tiptoed out of the nursery and went down to the living room. A little while later, Lisa emerged from upstairs and went to sit with you. You then poured out your heart to her and she listened. Each time Rose got a bit fussy, Lisa went to see her. She offered to spend the night so that you could rest.
About two hours later Chris came home. Dodger went to greet him at the door and you had stayed glued to the couch of exhaustion. Several days of insufficient sleep was catching up with you.
Chris went to get a beer and sat down next to you. Chris wrapped up an arm around you and you automatically leaned into his touch.
"Hey. Where were you?"
"After working on game plan for ASP, Mark invited us to stay for a beer afterwards."
You could feel your body boiling with anger now despite the exhaustion. You turned your head and glared at him before standing up.
"So I'm home alone with your baby while you're out drinking beer with your buddies"
"Hey, why are you getting upset? You make it sound like that's the only thing that I've been doing."
"Oh I'm so sorry honey. That was inconsiderate of me. You know what else is inconsiderate, you leaving me all alone with Rose when we had a deal."
"I'm sorry but one of us has to keep working towards a normal every day like. I'm working my ass off trying to get things ready for the big launch of ASP."
"I do understand that Chris. But I recall you saying before Rose was born, that you would still help me and that we would figure things out. But here I am all alone in this. Even when you're home it's like you're not here."
Chris was quiet for a while and didn't really know what to say. You threw your hands in the air and went to go upstairs.
"I'm going to bed now and I would prefer it if you slept on the couch seeing how the guest room is occupied."
He was about to ask you who was using the guest room but kept his mouth shut. Chris watched as you walked upstairs with Dodger hot on your heels. Chris turned on the TV and sipped his beer but he couldn't shake was you'd just said.
Chris had done as you had told him and spent the night on the couch. He could feel his back aching. He then caught the scent of freshly brewed coffee and followed the smell and found his mother working her way around the kitchen.
"Hey... Ma. What are you doing here?"
"Don't you 'Ma me' Christopher Robert Evans. I'm here because your girlfriend needs you. Y/N can't do all of this alone. She and that little baby needs you to step up."
"Ma, I was only a few hours late last night. And apparently she had you around to help out. I don't get why she got so upset. It was just a one time thing."
"Chris, honey that's just plain dumb. Because this hasn't been a one time thing. You're leaving her all alone and coming and going as you please. You don't see Y/N do that, do you? I know that ASP and your other projects has been a handful and I'm truly proud of you for doing something you're so passionate about. But as your mother I am compelled to say when you're acting like a idiot. If you don't start to prioritize better, then I fear Y/N isn't going to stick around in the long run."
"What am I supposed to do? Can you just... "
"Chris, you have to figure this out for yourself. But trust me if things aren't going to change. You're going to risk losing them both and I know that you don't want that. Chris, be the dad that you're meant to be."
Chris stayed for a while in the living room after his talk with his mother thinking about she'd just said. Chris watched as Lisa went upstairs to say bye to his daughter and girlfriend. Chris went up to stairs and hugged his mom as she was leaving. She gently patted his cheek confident that her son would to the right thing.
Chris could her your voice from the hallway. You were humming a tune as you changed Rose's diaper. The baby giggled and was flailing her small chubby arms in the air. She was just the cutest baby in the while wide world. Rose had her dad's eyes but your lille button nose. When you were done you picked up Rose to go downstairs.
You came face to face with Chris who had been watching from the doorway. Chris always had a very telling face. You knew that he felt bad but it wasn't enough. You marched straight past Chris and went downstairs where you put Rose on her playmat. You went to the kitchen to prepare yourself some breakfast and get Rose's food ready. You could feel Chris's eyes in the back of your head.
Rose was babbling while trying to reach some of her toys. She was doing a little more every day. Dodger came over and laid down next to Rose. Rose rolled bit over to try and pet the dog with her uncoordinated grabby hands. Dodger didn't seem to mind at all.
You smiled at the sight but your smile fell as you saw Chris's sad expression. He felt like he missed it all. He hadn't even noticed how big of a psychical development she had gone through. He had been around of course but hadn't been paying good enough attention to what was happening.
Chris sat down on the couch and watched his beautiful daughter in disbelief. He had no one to blame but himself. This right here was something that he'd wanted for so long and now was missing out. You walked over to Chris and kneeled down in front of him.
"I can't believe how much that has happened and I didn't even notice. Y/N I'm really sorry."
Chris continued apologizing while saying there was no excuses for his behavior or actions. You cut him off.
"I know, Chris. But we have to find a better solution. I know that one of us has to work and everything. But there has to be a easier way for us all. Rose and I need you here too..."
"Yes. I'll figure something out. I’ll talk with Mark about finding something more fitting to our situation. I'll fix it. I promise."
Chris later watched as you fed Rose. His heart swelled from the sight, watching you and his daughter. He couldn't afford to miss out on anything else in you or Rose's lives. He couldn't bear it. He made a deal with Mark about working as much as possible from home. Chris loved you and Rose so much and he would do anything to make it work.
And on that day he had never been more thankful for knowing the two best mothers in the world. His mother Lisa, for calling him out in his BS. You, for having Rose's best interest at heart and for giving him a chance to be a better dad.
(An idea I got earlier today. NOT that I'm saying Chris would be a bad dad or anything. He’ll most likely be an amazing dad when the time comes.  This is strictly fiction - please don't hate me. BUT I have my doubt about this one being okay or not. 
There's probably some errors here and there and timeline might not fit) 🤷‍♀️😅
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edasnest · 3 years
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Fair enough my friend. In any case it probably won't be canon, (to me) because its too good to be true. Though at least its clear the Good Witch Azura is no mere book series and has a role to play. Anyway, allow me one headcanon ask!: How would Camila react to Willow and Amity and specially to know they are in a relationship with her Luz? And how would Amity and Willow feel about meeting Camila for the first time?
(This took me forever and I’m so sorry)
This one’s a lot lmao
Camila:
I think after Luz introduces them as her girlfriends Camila had to have a Conversation with Luz after the girls have gone home for the night. Like, she watches them interact in the time that she meets them but her Mom Alarms are ringing in her head. Two girlfriends???? 🤔 they all seem to get along fairly well (which is actually almost a little jarring to Camila; she’s used to kids Luz’s age thinking her “too weird” to hang out with unless they had no other choice) and she sees these girls....actually look at Luz without judgement. In fact, they look at her with adoration, even when Luz starts acting “weird” in the way that would make other kids uncomfortable. These girls laugh at Luz’s antics, but in a kind way, a way that says they love the way she is.
Camila, as a nurse, didn’t exactly have “the Talk” with Luz so much as she just answered Luz’s questions as she grew up. When Luz was about four or five and asked where babies came from, Camila left out some details, but explained the scientific process to her on their drive home from kindergarten. Luz yelled about how yucky it was because “boys have cooties!!!” And didn’t bring it up again until she was maybe 10 and got her first period. It was then Camila went into more depth about the whole “baby making” process and the concept of intercourse in a strictly medical sense that made Luz super uncomfortable and hate everything about human biology. She wished so desperately to live in the world of her Azura books where Azura never got a period, she was too busy adventuring and saving the day.
So when Luz goes missing and then comes back with not just one, but two girlfriends?? That’s another layer of The Talk that Camila hasn’t gotten to yet. So after the girls go home, Camila sits Luz down at the kitchen table and starts asking her questions about Amity and Willow, just trying to get to know them from Luz’s perspective a little more and get a gauge on how their relationship started. Camila is relieved beyond all else that Luz goes on one of her patented Exciteable Babbling Sessions; absolutely cooing over how adorable her girlfriends are, how smart and brave and talented they are, how they were the first real friends (besides Gus) that she made on the Boiling Isles, the adventures they’ve gone through together, the wacky antics they got caught up in, etc.
Camila’s genuinely happy for Luz at this point, but she still has Mom Responsibilities. So she asks Luz if they done anything more...intimate. And Luz flushes bright red before vehemently denying the accusation and hiding in her hoodie out of embarrassment. Which is exactly the reaction Camila was hoping for, so she finally relaxes and laughs and coaxes Luz out of her hoodie to give her a hug, letting her know that as long those girls make Luz happy, Camila will be happy for her. AND as long as they make smart decisions and don’t do anything crossing that line until they’re older to which Luz just groans and buries her face in her mom’s shoulder, begging her to stop.
After all the introductions and reassurances are out of the way though, Camila finds that she loves Luz’s girlfriends. Luz was absolutely right; they’re both smart and talented and extremely bright young ladies that are both eager and exciteable like Luz, but have a grounding element in each of them that helps tether Luz and brings her back to earth when she starts getting carried away. Camila is amused at how curious they are about human devices too; Amity is especially taken with Camila’s meal prep without the use of any magic at all. Willow is in awe of the computer mostly; she’s certain it works similarly to a crystal ball, but she can’t figure out how it’s supposed to work without magic.
Willow and Amity:
Willow and Amity are scared shitless the first time they meet Camila.
Luz being able to go home to her mom has been a primary goal of hers ever since the portal was first destroyed. Ever since then, there have been countless times Luz has sought comfort from her friends and eventually her girlfriends. So when they were able to access a new portal, they were so scared about what that meant for the three of them. Luz insisted that she go back to the Human Realm; not forever, she’d never just abandon the life she made on the Boiling Isles, not unless she didn’t have a choice. But she needed to go back to her mother and see what she could do to convince her to let her come back to them. She promised it wasn’t a goodbye, it wasn’t a breakup, and it wasn’t the last time she’d see them. So Willow and Amity held Luz and cried and eventually let her go and they slept over at the Owl House that night (with Gus too, he was part of that See Ya Later party and made sure the girls stayed hydrated what with all their crying).
When Luz returned a few weeks later, in her school uniform and scaring her girlfriends half to death by sneaking up on them, they tackled her to the ground, hugging and crying and laughing in relief. She explained the deal she had with her mom and that she wanted to bring them all to the Human Realm to meet her (Camila had actually already been to the Demon Realm in this time; Luz gave her a grand tour of everything she knew about while also keeping their heads low so as to not draw attention. It’s in this time that Camila came to understand what the boiling isles meant to Luz, reaching an understanding with Eda, and telling Luz she needed to finish Human School too, but she could do so online. So now that Camila knows about and has accepted Luz’s life in the Boiling Isles, Luz wants her to meet all the amazing people she’s met).
So the following weekend, they planned a trip over to the Human Realm (Willow, Gus and Amity with Eda as the chaperone) where they all finally got to meet Camila for the first time.
To everyone’s relief, Luz opens the door first to welcome them inside. She leads them to the couch to sit down and her mom enters with a (probably overeager; she’s very nervous) hello and a tray with several glasses and a pitcher of batida de lechosa. She sets down the tray on the coffee table and introduces herself to the kids one by one and Amity has to summon her inner Blight Poise to make her voice not shake. Willow has to pretend this isn’t her girlfriend’s mom she’s introducing herself to. (Camila is secretly just as nervous as they are; she wants to make a good first impression on Luz’s friends.)
Once they start talking though, everyone manages to relax. The kids are all extremely enthusiastic about the batida de lechosa (and tell Camila as much) and Gus can barely contain his excitement and at some point just starts shooting rapidfire questions about human life.
Overall their visit goes well, although Willow and Amity are on edge the entire time, doing their best to be polite and gracious and answer Mrs. Noceda’s questions. They really want to make a good impression on Mrs. Noceda, but Luz’s constant flattery and talking up their accomplishments (*cough*bragging*cough*) leaves them both flustered and blushing.
When they return to the Demon Realm after that visit, they’re both lamenting about how nervous they were, how they must’ve fucked up since Mrs. Noceda seemed so reserved and on guard during their visit. Eda has to remind them that the existence of the Demon Realm is still p new to Camila which does ease some of their fears, but certainly not all of them.
Luz texts them later about the MORTIFYING conversation she’d just had with her mom about “intimacy” and “waiting til we’re older” and “consent is no laughing matter, Luz” and as embarrassed as Willow and Amity are at the implications, they’re both relieved that that is what made Mrs. Noceda act so stiff during their visit. Nothing to do with them being Witches or from another world, just a mom protecting her baby.
From that point on tho, they totally hit it off with Camila; Camila loves sharing Luz’s most embarrassing baby pictures (which Luz complains about but takes it in stride). The girls love discussing more of the nuanced aspects of Human Culture and are extremely interested in Camila’s job as a Healer Nurse. Camila loves watching the girls perform magic like it’s second nature to them and absolutely delights in the flowers Willow grows in pots that she never had the time or energy to take care of herself.
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flyawayrachel · 3 years
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Sometimes when I'm having a particularly hard day excepting my lot I go back and read this little thing I wrote a few months after leaving my family to remind me that I made the right decision. Idk why I am choosing to post this today but I've never posted it anywhere before. I've never been quiet about who I am and what I came from and sometimes it's nice to just get the feelings put there.
My whole life I had never been allowed to make decisions for myself, so why now, was it up to me to make the biggest decision of my life?
What school I could attend, what major I could study, what clothes I could wear, what teachers I could take, what jobs I could have, who I could speak to, who I could be friends with, what bank I used, what hair style I had, what nickname I could go by, what music I could listen to...all these things were policed since I was born, and the first decision I got to make solo was the most world defining decision I'll ever make.
Since then I've made a lot of decisions about myself, some little and some huge, but each one comes with a hill to climb. Through this series of decisions I've come to discover a little more about myself and who I am, a long painful process of deciding for myself.
The first decision.
It was a Sunday. I was expected to attend three morning protests and church at 11:30am, my father would be giving the weekly sermon. This Sunday, however, was different. For the first time in my life, I had a separate obligation. I chose, or tried to choose, to skip church that week.
This was not my first decision as it was reviewed by my parents and shut down.
It was 7am that Sunday morning, and I jumped out of bed, got dressed, and headed to work. I had discussed the days events with my parents two nights prior, today we had a fundraiser. A local family had just lost their daughter to brain cancer, and for once in my life I felt I had the power to do good, instead of spread hate. This was a huge deal to everyone there, and the community surrounding us. I was excited. As a new business, this would be great for us. We'd learn how to handle big crowds of people, we'd all bond over the stress of the situation, we'd have a great time, and we'd be doing good. I got to the restaurant around 7:45, and jumped into work. We had a LOT to do. I was anxious, I knew I was doing something I shouldn't...or at least something my parents don't approve of. It wasn't until 9:21 I heard from them
"Are you planning to miss church today?" My father text me.
"I'm planning to make it back, but if we get people in at 11, I probably won't be able to." I replied
"OK this doesn't really work for me. You aren't at a spot in life where this should be getting asked of you and this was supposedly made clear when you joined. If they cannot respect your need to be in the Lords house you need to find other employment. We need to talk about this"
Fear. Fear was all I could feel. I cried. Knowing exactly what "We need to talk about this meant" it wouldn't be a conversation with just me and him. Or me him and my mother, it would be everyone. Every adult member of our church would sit me down, accuse me of all manner of wrong doing, scream, yell, and refuse to acknowledge anything I said and brush it off as if I was a liar. A decision they had made for me when I was not even a teenager yet. At 11 years old I had been pegged as a liar and forced into seclusion by the church all because my mother, forgetful as ever, had forgotten a conversation I had with her a few weeks prior to it all coming to light. "If they're too scared to talk to me(referring to my older brother as I) then they can't speak to anyone" an aunt of mine had said, and her word was regarded as law at that point. Months of silence on my part followed. I became solemn and bitter after that. My social skills had been destroyed and I would never get over what they'd done to me. The happy little girl was gone, and in their eyes, she never existed. I was ridiculed for years because of this change in demeanor.
I received several phone calls from my parents that morning. I answered none of them. So my mother chimed in...it was 9:57:
"It is not ok for you to miss Church today. We need to have a serious discussion today about what's going on with you."
Again the threat of intervention.
I had to go home. My boss rolled his eyes, dispite his knowledge of my situation he couldn't help but be annoyed that his second hand was leaving, right before open, on what would be our busiest day ever. When I left, there was already a line at the door. I later learned they filled the restaurant within seven minutes of opening the doors. It didn't stop until we closed that night.
My dad gave the sermon that day. It was long. Nearly double the normal length of our weekly meeting. I couldn't tell you if it was purposefully, knowing him it probably wasn't, but that didn't help my view of the situation. Once church was over, I spead down the highway back to work, it was nearly 2pm by the time I got back. It was chaos. People everywhere, we were running out of things, and the dishwashers they'd pulled to prep just couldn't keep up. I was put in charge of running prep and we prepped and prepped and prepped. Ticket times were awful and I don't think we ever got out of the weeds, even now I feel the effects of that day on our staff. I remember at one point I was apologizing to one of our cooks, who we affectionately refer to as "Mom".
"I don't know if I can stay there any more" I'd said. For the first time in my life, I'd admitted to someone that I didn't see a future for me in the church. I'd been toiling with the feeling for years, but it wasn't until early February that I'd realized that I couldn't stay. "Get through school" I'd tell myself. With two years of school left, and my whole life crumbling, I knew I wouldn't last.
"If you need a place to go, I have a spare bedroom. You're welcome there" she replied.
I was floored. Being told your whole like that the world is against you, you learn to accept that, but this woman, this mother of three, had just offered to open her door to me, no questions asked.
We closed at 8.
Once it died down I sat at the bar with my chef. The foh manager behind the bar, pouring them both drinks. I can't tell you the exact words that were spoken, what, if any, words of encouragement were given to me, but while sitting there, I made my first decision. It was time to go. I remember thinking that I needed permission from someone, anyone, to do this, but it never came. My chef never told me I should, our foh manager never told me I should, no one told me to do it. I had to decide, and decide I did.
Once I got home late that night I told my sister. I didn't tell her I would leave immediately. I just told her I couldn't stay and she was always welcome to join me when she got older. I remember telling her there are other ways and places that we can serve the Lord without being subjected to the cruel glares and sneers of those around us. We had discussed often the wrong doings of the "Elders" of our church. I thought she'd understand and maybe she did, but she was hesitant. She was only a child after all, 13 years old, but had already been through hell and back with these people.
The next day I packed. I used the pretence that I was cleaning out my room and giving a bunch of my clothes to Goodwill, an instruction my father had given me a few days prior. This came only months after my mom had my siblings strip my room of much of my belongings and furniture while I was in class one evening. Many garbage bags full of clothes with other items hidden within made their way to the car. It was hard. Making the decision on what to keep and what to leave behind. I had collected many things from many different fan bases I considered myself a part of, while much had been taken from me I still had decisions to make. A lot got left behind. It was now Monday. I didn't work Mondays so I had all day to work. At 8pm we all sat down for our evening reading. I remember choking back tears realizing this would be the last time I sat in a room along side all six of my siblings and my parents in an amicable manner, still, the looming threat of these "talks" overtook me with fear. Once we were done and we'd said our evening prayer I went up to my room. I cried. I cried for the hurt I would do my dad, it was a common joke in the house that I was his favorite. His first little girl. The years I'd miss watching my baby brother grow up. The betrayal my sister would feel when she woke up the next morning. Knowing that in the following weeks every inkling of my existence would be stripped from the house, I still wonder what became of my old bedroom. Did my sister take it like she'd joked about when I would tell her I was dying from a migraine or dealing with a particularly hard day at work? Would my mom take it and use it as an office or spare bedroom for when my dad snored too loud as she often did when I would sleep over at my cousin Vicky's house?
My mom left the house at 4:30am. I was awake before she left. Silently selecting the last few items I would take with me. I wrote two notes. One of apology to my sister for leaving her here in a cave full of wolves. One to my dad, asking to be left alone and explaining that there had been irreparable damage done by other members of the church and that I did not believe their doctrine. I wrap my house key, pink and bedazzled with fake diamonds because my dad picked it out and never really got who I was back then, and copy of their credit card in it and stuck it in his cubby before walking out the door, tears still wet on the paper from when I wrote it. I only had one chance, as all windows and doors on our house sent chimes throughout the 10 bedroom, 6 bathroom, three kitchen home when opened. I got in my car, contemplated my decision one last time, and I left.
I sat at my job for hours alone, drinking ginger ale and eating sourdough bread. Wishing the nausea would go away. Not long after getting there I received a message from my dad. He would not ask me to come home, but extended the invitation to talk if I thought it would solve the problem and I could continue living under their rule. Reiterating the fact that they would not be changing for me. If I left I was going to be on my own. I spent the morning crying as I went about directing prep work for the week, we had a lot to recover from and my personal turmoil couldn't distract me from my work. Hours later my mom showed up. It was on the way home from the early morning yoga class she had taught, which is why she left the house so early. I couldn't recount the exact words said because I was to distracted by the way she was speaking to me. I was a stranger now. She's a lawyer and treated me like a client, taking notes as we spoke with no regard to my emotions or well being. She'd always counted the days to my 18th birthday, the only hope she'd rid me from her life forever. This was her chance.
The months following were hard. I had a lot of decisions to make and no one to guide me. The people who swore to make it easier only made it harder, but I bonded with the least expected people, some of which continue to be my greatest friends even to today. It was a decision that I don't regret, not even on the hardest days, the days I mourn the time lost with my loved ones and the very real possibility they'll never come back to me. The nights I sit up scrounging the internet for any glimpse into their current lives, or when I read people's"hot takes" about who they think they are, often getting it wrong and seeing my family as a one dimensional group of haters. I've made the decision to me myself and it's a decision I'll stand by until the day I die, eternity be damned.
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bechloeislegit · 3 years
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25 Days of BeChloe Christmases - 2020
Day 10 - Fourth Time's the Charm
Prompt from Tumblr User Anonymous: Bechloe Christmas 2020 prompt. Beca and Chloe announce to the Beale family that Beca is pregnant . . . [the full prompt is at the end]. I changed it just a bit; I hope you like what I did with it.
Author's warning: this deals with previous miscarriages but nothing graphic.
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"Good morning, Mrs. Beale," Dr. Morris said as she walked into the room. "How are you feeling?"
"Am I pregnant?" Beca asked.
"Beca," Chloe admonished. "She'll get to that. Be patient."
"I know you're anxious," Dr. Morris said. "So, let's get right to it."
Dr. Morris sat on a chair and looked at Beca.
"Congratulations," Dr. Morris said. "You are pregnant. Based on when you had the procedure, you're at three weeks now."
Beca laid back on the table with tears in her eyes.
"Babe?" Chloe said, squeezing Beca's hand.
"I'm happy about it, Chlo," Beca said as the tears fell. "I swear I am."
"I know, Becs," Chloe said, holding back her own tears. "I'm happy, too. I just wish I could carry it so you wouldn't have to worry about possibly going through all that again."
"Stop," Beca said. "It's not your fault. I'm happy I can get pregnant." Beca sniffled and added in a small voice, "But I'm also really scared."
"So, am I, baby," Chloe said softly, wiping the tears from Beca's eyes. "But, no matter what happens, we'll get through it together."
"Mrs. Beale, may I say something?" Dr. Morris asked.
"Go ahead, Doctor," Chloe said as Beca nodded.
"We've run every test we can think of," Dr. Morris said. "And, we feel confident that you will take this pregnancy to term."
~~ Day 10 of the 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases - 2020 ~~
Beca sat in the passenger seat, staring out the window as Chloe drove them home. Chloe looked over at her at gave her a gentle smile.
"I know you're scared," Chloe said, reaching for Beca's hand. "I'm here and I meant what I said. No matter what happens, we'll get through this together. I'm not going anywhere."
"I know," Beca said, turning her head toward Chloe. "I was just thinking."
"What about?" Chloe asked.
"I want to wait as long as we can to tell anyone," Beca said. "Just in case."
"I'm fine with that," Chloe said, gently squeezing Beca's hand. "We'll tell people when you're ready to tell them."
"Thank you," Beca said. "I love you so much."
"Right back atcha, babe," Chloe said, smiling at Beca.
"Do you mind if we stop and get pizza before we get home?"
"Eat in or carry-out?"
"Eat in," Beca said. "If that's okay?"
"Eat in is more than okay with me," Chloe said. "Luigi's?"
"As if there's any place better," Beca said with a smirk.
Chloe chuckled as she thought, "Everything is going to be fine this time. It has to be."
~~ Day 10 of the 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases - 2020 ~~
Two months later, Chloe received a call from Emily.
"Hey, Emily," Chloe said as she answered the phone. "I thought you were having lunch with Beca."
"I am," Emily said. "I think you might need to come and pick her up."
Chloe's stomach dropped. "Wh-Why do you think that?" Chloe asked. "Is something wrong?"
"I think she's sick," Emily said. "We barely started eating and she jumped up and ran to the lady's room. She looked like she was going to throw up."
"Um," Chloe said. "Did she come back yet?"
"Once already," Emily said. "I asked her if she was okay and she said yes. But then, she jumped up and ran back to the lady's room. I think she might have the flu or something."
Chloe let out the breath she had been holding, her brow still furrowed in worry.
"Where are you guys?"
"The diner near her studio," Emily said.
"I'll be there in fifteen minutes," Chloe said. "Thanks for calling me."
"You're welcome," Emily said. "See you soon."
Emily ended the call as Beca returned to the table.
"I called Chloe," Emily said as Beca sat down. "She's coming to get you."
"Why did you do that?"
"Because you're obviously sick," Emily said. "And shouldn't go back to work."
"I am not sick," Beca said.
"Puking twice in ten minutes is not the actions of a well person," Emily said, defensively.
"I'm not sick," Beca said. "I'll prove it to you."
Beca began eating her lunch and the food seemed to stay down this time.
"See?" Beca said after a few minutes. "Not sick."
Beca and Emily continued talking and eating. A few minutes later, Chloe came rushing in and looked around until she saw Beca and Emily.
"Are you okay?" Chloe asked Beca as she walked up to the table.
"Oh, my stars," Emily said, seeing Chloe standing there. "I forgot you were coming."
"I'm fine, Chlo," Beca said, standing to give Chloe a hug and whispering in her ear "Just some morning sickness."
"Oh," Chloe said, pulling back to look at Beca.
"I should have called you back and told you Beca was fine," Emily said. "I'm sorry I worried you over nothing."
Chloe gave Beca a questioning look; Beca nodded and smiled.
"It's okay, Em," Chloe said. "You were being a good friend. But, we also have something to tell you."
"I'm pregnant," Beca blurted out.
"Holy Shit!" Emily squealed, causing several diners to look over at them.
"Language!" Beca chastised.
"Sorry," Emily said sheepishly. "This is wonderful news. How are you feeling?"
"So far, so good," Beca said, smiling happily. "Except for the morning sickness, which you just saw firsthand."
"So, that's why you had to throw up," Emily said as she jumped up and hugged Beca. "I'm so happy for you both."
Emily released Beca and grabbed Chloe next.
"Thanks, Em," Beca said. "We have to ask that you not tell anyone. We want to wait until we're one thousand percent sure everything's going to be okay."
"I totally understand," Emily said. "I won't say anything, I swear."
"Thanks, Emily," Chloe said. "For calling me and for keeping this to yourself. You're a good friend. And we love and appreciate you so much."
"I love you guys, too," Emily said, wiping a tear from her cheek. "And I'm very happy for you."
~~ Day 10 of the 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases - 2020 ~~
As with the first three pregnancies, Beca told Theo and Khaled that she was pregnant and asked that they not tell anyone. They agreed to keep it to themselves and allowed Beca to do all her work from home until after the baby was born. Beca was thankful she had a fully-equipped studio at home, and could video conference into any important meetings.
Everything was working out well. Beca's pregnancy was progressing normally and they managed to keep it a secret from Beca's fans and the media. Chloe was beginning to worry about how their families were going to react when they found out.
One night, as Beca and Chloe were cuddling in bed, Chloe was lightly running her hand over Beca's stomach.
"You're due in three weeks," Chloe said. "We can't wait anymore. We have to tell my folks we can't make it to Tampa for Christmas. And I think we should tell them why."
"I know, and I agree with you," Beca said. "And I think I have a way to let them know that will make them less unhappy with us."
"How?' Chloe asked, sitting up to look at Beca.
"I'm really comfy," Beca whined. "Could you get that small, dark blue box from the shelf in the closet for me?"
Chloe smiled and went to the closet. She stood on her tip-toes to reach the box and walked out of the closet with it in her hand.
"How did you get this up there?" Chloe asked, holding the box out to Beca.
"Don't worry," Beca said, reaching for the box. "I tossed it up there. Made it on the first try, too."
Beca smirked and Chloe laughed.
"Okay," Chloe said, getting back into bed. "Show me what you got."
"It's going to hit you in the feels," Beca said. "So, fair warning. I thought we could send it to your mom and tell her she can't open it until she Skypes us."
"Okay," Chloe said. "Show me."
Beca opened the box and took out a charm bracelet with five charms on it."
"It's a grandma charm bracelet," Beca said. "These two purple footprints are for the first two we lost."
Tears came to Beca and Chloe's eyes.
"This one," Beca said, her voice thick with emotion. "Is for Sophie."
"That one was really hard," Chloe whispered, sniffling. "We only had her for a few hours."
The two laid together, holding each other while they cried, letting all their pent up emotions out. They finally calmed down and Beca held up the last two charms together.
"And these two are for Dylan," Beca said, wiping her face. "It's a copy of his first sonogram and a blue footprint to let her know it's a boy."
"It's beautiful, babe," Chloe said, choking back her tears. "My mom will love it."
"Good," Beca said. "Because I had one made for each of us, too. Yours is under the tree."
~~ Day 10 of the 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases - 2020 ~~
Two days later, Beca had sent Mrs. Beale's bracelet via overnight courier. Beca got a notification that the package had been delivered. Beca grabbed her laptop and went to find Chloe.
"I guess your mom will be calling any minute," Beca told Chloe, handing her the laptop.
It was only a matter of seconds later that they received the notification for a Skype request.
"Hi, mom," Chloe said, seeing her mom's face pop up on the computer screen. "I have Beca with me."
"Hi, Mrs. B," Beca said, waving at the screen. "Is Mr. B with you?"
"I'm right here, girls," Mr. Beale said, popping into view. "What's going on?"
"We just wanted to let you know we can't make it for Christmas," Chloe said, looking at Beca.
"Why not?" Mr. Beale asked, disappointment in his voice.
"Open the package you just got mom," Chloe said. "And we'll explain."
They watched as Mrs. Beale opened the package and held the jewelry box in her hand.
"Should I open this box, too?" Mrs. Beale asked.
"Yes!" Chloe and Beca exclaimed.
Mrs. Beale opened the box and took out the bracelet.
"What is this?" she asked.
Beca held up her wrist to show Mr. and Mrs. Beale her bracelet. She used it to explain what each charm was for.  Mr. and Mrs. Beale were in tears by the time Beca reached the final two charms.
"And these two are for your grandson who is due in a little over two weeks," Beca explained.
Mr. and Mrs. Beale both gasped as more tears flowed down their cheeks.
Beca cleared her throat and added in a shaky voice, "His name is Dylan and this is his first sonogram."
"So, Dylan is the reason why we can't come home for Christmas," Chloe concluded as happy tears ran down her face.
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Full Prompt from Tumblr User Anonymous: Bechloe Christmas 2020 prompt. Beca and Chloe announce to the Beale family that Beca is pregnant after 3 miscarriages (all Beca, Chloe is infertile), they announce by giving Chloe's mom a grandma charm bracelet with a sonogram pic and note saying "4th times the charm". There are 2 purple baby foot charms on it for the first two they lost, and a blue or pink one with an initial on it for the third who had to be delivered which they found out the gender and named the baby.
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wannabemobwife · 3 years
Text
Guns, Glamour and Goodfellas - Chapter 15
Chapter 15: Sacrifice
Dad!Mob!Tom x Mom!Mob!Reader
Pairings: Tom Holland x Reader, Rosie Holland x Henry Osterfield
Warnings: Blood, Language, Kidnapping, Typos
Words: 5.5K
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Chapter 15: Sacrifice
Words: 5.5K You and Tom didn’t know how to react. You wanted to scream and cry but inside you knew that wouldn’t solve anything. Causing a fit would only give Carter the satisfaction he was looking for. To break the Holland family. Your only daughter had just been taken from you and being held for ransom by some miscreant.
Every time you got a call about Parker and Rosie hurt or missing, you wonder what would’ve happened if you left the mob and took them with you a long time ago. Leading you down a long path of misery and regret.
You didn’t want to take Tom away from his kids but, you never wanted this life for them. You had an image of your idyllic family when you were young, dreaming of your husband coming home everyday after work to your kids, two boys and one girl. Sometimes life doesn’t plan how you wanted it to but, the love you had found is irreplaceable.
Not marrying Tom would have had it’s advantages of not constantly looking over your shoulder. Or scared to death he will come home bruised and beaten or worse, not come home at all. A lifetime without pain but one without your best friend. Tom was the person you wanted to share everything with. He was the one who would let you vent about the stupidest little things. Usually something annoying the kids did, you were the main person with them from ages 0-14. Dealing with everything from runny noses to school projects.
You and Tom knew you could survive anything as long as you continued to love each other but everything that was happening at that moment was new feat. There weren’t guarantees that you would get Rosie back. Praying she wouldn’t come home in a body bag. Thoughts like these always plagued your mind. Especially when Parker was in the hospital after being almost beaten to death.
Losing Rosie was too much, too much you didn’t even want to think about it. If she didn’t come home, you didn’t know where you could go from there. Everything will have lost its meaning. The things you once adored, would offer no importance, including Tom. Your future together seemed bleak if he couldn’t do the one thing he always said he would, protect his family.
You were another story. Sure you didn’t appreciate waking up in a hospital bed. Being blinded by the white lights after some horrific accident but it was you. You knew you were strong and could take care of yourself. But when it came to your kids, all bets were off.
The main focus of everyone was finding Rosie safe. Parker and Haz came back home with an unconscious Henry in Haz’s arms. But no sign of Rosie. Tom was adamant to find out why Carter was targeting Parker.
“Parker what did you do? Carter Wilson is the one who took Rosie,” Tom asked Parker as he walked in along with Haz.
“Who’s Carter Wilson?” Parker questioned.
“Angus Wilson’s son. I ask again, what did you do?” badgered Tom.
“The night of the heist.—“ Parker started but was cut off.
“What heist? My heist? The one on at my casino? That was you?”
“Yeah, we are off topic. We can talk about it later…. So that night I went to tell Wilson I was quitting and then he started running his mouth about how he was the one who killed Charlotte and caused your and mom’s helicopter crash. I couldn’t take it anymore and I snapped,” Parker explained.
“Don’t tell me you killed him,” Tom announced as he shot daggers at Parker.
“I did. You don’t understand. I couldn’t let him get away with everything,” Parker mumbled, Tom’s disappoint washed over him like a wave.
“Holy fuck. Parker how could you be so stupid? Now this guy is out for your head. And he has Rosie.”
“I know dad. I KNOW. I have to fix this,” Parker vocalized.
“No, Parker. You’ve done enough. I can’t lose both my kids. Your mother won’t be able to handle it either. All we can do is treat her kidnapping with money and offer a ransom,” Tom bellowed.
“Dad I’m going,” Parker barked.
“No you are not,” Tom snapped back.
“Why not? A few days ago you couldn’t even look at me. I doubt you’d miss me if I was gone….We can’t just let her die. This is my fault. I caused this. Let me fix it. Let me save Rosie,” Parker pleaded.
“We won’t. She’s not going to die,” Tom asserted.
“If you show up, to wherever she is, without me, he’ll kill her on the spot.” Parker barked. Tom noticed how you turned white as sheet at the mention of ‘death’ and Rosie’s name in the same sentence. Tom begged to comfort you, but he knew it wouldn’t do any good if Tom couldn’t bring Rosie home.
“Y/N, why don’t you go lie down. I promise I’ll get her back, darling,” Tom mentioned as he saw you look broken hearted. Just staring into an imaginary abyss.
“Tom, don’t make promises you can’t keep. Parker, please listen to you dad for once. He’s right, we, I can’t lose both you and Rosie,” you sniffled. Your eyes stained red from crying yourself dry.
“What choice do we have? How are you going to get her back? He made it very clear he only wants one thing, me,” Parker shouted, tried of Tom not trying hard enough.
“END OF DISCUSSION!!! Now go to your room,” Tom growled.
“But dad!�� Parker shouted
“No buts. I won’t hear anymore of this,” Tom concluded. “Let the grown ups handle it. I’m sorry Parker but, I won’t lose anyone else.” Tom finished, pushing Parker out of his office and closing the door. Maybe Parker inadvertently kidnapped Rosie, by going after Wilson but Tom had to finish. He needed to prove to himself and you that he could protect his family.
Rosie had no recollection of how she got there. She was sitting tied to chair, wrists and ankles bound, in a huge room with cold crisp air prickling her skin, giving her goosebumps. Her head pounded in her ears, throbbing too much to let her close her eyes.
“Rosie, darling. Wake up. I have big plans for you my dear,” Carter said, gliding over to Rosie tied in a chair, tearing the burlap sack off of her head.
He put two fingers on her chin, to force her to make eye contact. Rosie had been beaten and battered. Her skin stained red from tight ropes around her wrists and ankles. Tears had stopped coming, having cried all of them.
Rosie had given up hope that anyone was coming. She didn’t know if Henry was alive, last seeing him lying an alley.
“Please let me go. I don’t have what you want,” Rosie said, refusing to open her eyes and come face to face with her assailant. “Oh, I know that. But you will help me get him,” spoke Carter, revealing his face.
“If you’re talking about my dad. You’ll never take him alive. He’ll kill you before you even get the chance to load your gun,” Rosie asserted.
“No, I mean the Holland you share a birthday with,” Carter laughed off.
“What do you want with Parker?” Rosie questioned.
“You’ll see soon enough,” Carter finished, covering her face once more with a bag.
Back at the mansion, night had fallen and Tom and Harrison along with several other soldiers were held up in Tom’s office developing a rescue plan. Tom had been doing everything in his power, mostly throwing vast amounts of money to Carter as ransom.
Tom was frustrated that he couldn’t do anything. Not knowing Rosie’s location or Carter’s demands, besides giving up his son, Tom’s hands were tied. More like amputated with a machete, Tom felt helpless.
“Tom, another video from Carter just came through,” Haz informed Tom, playing the video on his computer.
“I don’t even want to look at it. Just tell me if she’s dead or not,” Tom whispered, rubbing his eyes. It was a video of Carter torturing Rosie. Tom wished he could trade places with her. If he could he would in heartbreak.
“I don’t know what more persuasion I can give you. I already have you daughter, now hand him over. Or poor, pretty Rosie over here is going to have a hard time breathing,” Carter reckoned.
“Ohhh, Rosie,” Carter motioned. “Your daddy’s watching. Why don’t you smile pretty for him.”
“Dad, please. Please save me.” Rosie pleaded before her head was plunged in a bucket of frigid water. Carter held her down long enough to where her lungs started to fill up with water but she didn’t stop breathing.
Her pulled her head out forcibly. Rosie came up, gasping for air. She coughed up all the inhaled water. Carter repeated this process three times, each time broke Tom’s heart even more.
Carter needed to show him he meant business.“You have until midnight to bring me Parker. This is your finally warning. Rosie we will learn how much you family truly loves you,” Carter concluded shutting off the video.
“Haz, I have a plan. It involves everyone. I need you to stay here and take care of Y/N. Even if I don’t come back, make sure she is okay. Don’t let her cry over me too much and tell her I love her one more time,” Tom pleaded, he didn’t want to leave you. But sometimes people don’t have a choice.
“Tom, tell her yourself. You’ll be here to take care of her. I’m sure of it. Along with everyone else, okay? But while you are gone I promise to keep her safe.”
“Always looking on the bright side, huh?” Tom quipped.
“I think I got it from Henry. Takes a lot to bring that kid down. Even in this life,” Haz chuckled.
He knew not having Rosie anymore would break him though. Harrison remembers how mopey Henry was when he and Rosie broke up. Refusing to do his chores and waking up late on purpose for school so he wouldn’t have to go.
Haz had never a found a love like that. One where you would put yourself in harms way just so the other wouldn’t even feel and inch of pain. The kind of love, he knew Tom and you had and only hoped Rosie and Henry had.
He couldn’t imagine if Henry had to experience the same type of pain Parker did. Losing Charlotte broke Parker, he was never the same after.
Parker made his way to the guest room, where Henry was recuperating after his concussion. Henry was the only person he could talk to. Everyone would just brush him off and not even give him the chance to make amends. Parker knew Rosie was tangled up in this because of him.
“Henry, I need to talk to you. You awake?” Parker whispered through the door.
“Come in,” Henry responded, Parker surprised he heard him.
“Hey, mate. How ya feeling?” Parker asked, walking into the room very stealthily.
“Shitty physically, shitty emotionally. I let them take her. I should’ve protected her,” Henry lamented, trying to not let the tears that pricked at his eyes fall.
“It’s in the past now. All we can do is try and get her back,” Parker assured. There isn’t really time to dwell on past events. Especially zeros time for what ifs.
“How? You’re being watched like a hawk. We all are.” Henry questioned, but if he knew his best friend at all. Nothing ever stopped him.
“I have a plan,” Parker concluded, explaining everything.
You had been resting in your room, ever since Tom banished you from his office. You understood he was just trying to protect you but it only drove you more insane. Not knowing everything, all the uncertainty was eating you alive.
You sat up in bed trying to fall asleep or at least let your mind stray away from everything long enough to close your eyes. You perked up as Tom walked into the closet, not giving you so much as a glance.
“Tom, are you coming to bed?” You asked as Tom came in your room for a change of clothes.
“I’m afraid not, love. I’ll say good night here. Night sweetheart. I’ll bring her home, please don’t worry,” Tom explained, kissing your forehead.
“If you say so. Good night.” Tom noticed how broken you seemed.
He desperately wanted to hold you and comfort you but he knew it wouldn’t do any good until he brought Rosie home. If he didn’t, he was uncertain of where that left you and him. But he couldn’t let these grim thoughts plague his mind.
Not even 20 minutes later, Parker walked through your door. Right as you were about to shut your eyes. “Mom, I just want to apologize for how I was acting earlier. I’m just scared we won’t get her back.”
“Baby, it’s ok. I am too. But you have to understand, I can’t lose you too.… Wait? Why are you dressed? No. Honey, I know what you are going to do but you can’t,” you cautioned, noticing Parker’s outfit.
“Mom, I can’t let Rosie die knowing I could’ve done something to stop it. I can’t let you stop me.” He said, backing up towards the door to your room.
“Parker, don’t do this. No. No, no no.” you barked as he shut the doors and locked them from the outside.
“I’m sorry mom, I really am. I’ll miss you.” Parker emitted through the shut doors.
“Open these doors, now! Parker get back here! PARKERRRR!!! TOMMMMM!!!” You screamed. They really locked you in your fucking room. Those bastards.
“This is fucking ridiculous. Someone let me out.” You shouted, banging on the door from the inside.
Parker and Henry made their way downstairs, first stopping in the gun room to load up on ammo. Henry had never shot a gun before, well not as much as Parker. Henry was more of the getaway driver. Parker grabbed the keys of the Rolls Royce, even if it was a rescue mission, it will be done in style.
In the garage they were greeted with Tom, loading up the trunk.
“Dad what are you doing here?” Parker asked, hoping he won’t be berated for sneaking out for the hundredth time.
“The same thing you are, going to get Rosie. Thanks for the distraction by the way, would’ve never been able to get passed your mother. How did you convince her?” Tom question, a little surprised that he was able to get passed you.
“I locked her in her room,” Parker mumbled, knowing it shouldn’t have done it but what choice did he have.
“Pfft, oh god. That’s one way to do it,” Tom chuckled at the thought of you locked in your room, like you were in a time out.
“Alright, boys. We have one mission, get Rosie and get out. I won’t be coming with bad news okay?”
“Understood. The Wilsons have taken too much from me. I won’t let them take my sister too.”
“Well said, makes me feel like we are in a movie.” Henry mocked, Parker’s statement.
“Everyone in the car. Seatbelts.” Tom announced as everyone hoped in.
Both Parker and Henry looked at him with an expression of ‘Are you kidding me?’
“What? I’m still concerned for your safety,” Tom concluded pulling out of the estate and embarking to the address Rosie was at.
All the while everyone was risking their lives, you were trapped in your god damm room. The nerve Parker had. You knew it had an influence from Tom.
“I know someone is out there. You can at least answer.” You whispered, voice hoarse from yelling. Yet no one answered, making you believe you were utterly alone.
After a few minutes a voice spoke, “Hi Y/N/N.” It was the voice of Haz.
Over the years you had grown very close to Haz. You would even call him your best friend. He was there for all the big moments. The birth of the twins, someone had to drive you to the hospital and when Tom proposed to you. And of course he was here now. When you needed someone the most.
All you could think about were worst case scenarios. Concerning Rosie, Parker, Tom, even Henry. Everyone had left you alone, you couldn’t even make them stay. The fear of losing them was too much.
“Haz, how could you let them do this to me?” You cried as tears streamed down your face.
“I’m sorry. I had to respect Tom’s wishes,” Haz murmured.
“You didn’t even go, but you let your son. Tom and Parker left with Henry to risk their lives and need to be there…I have to be there. I can’t lose all of them…Haz, I can’t…. I can’t breathe,” you exasperated. The air in then room growing more thin as you hyperventilated.
“Oh my god, I’m coming in. Are you okay?… What the—?” Harrison immediately unlocked the door to come to your aide. Worried he’d find you passed out or something.
Quite the opposite, you were standing there dressed in all black, with a pistol in your hands pointing at the only person standing in your way.
“I need to know where they went,” you said, cocking the gun, directly pointed at his chest.
“Y/N, don’t.” Haz whispered, throwing his hands up in surrender.
“I’m sorry Haz. I really am. But I can’t let Parker do this. Where’d they go?” You asked with an unchanging expression.
“Some warehouse on Adams Ave and 3rd Street. That’s all I know.” Haz said, closing his eyes, knowing Tom will have his head for letting you trick him.
“That’ll do. Thank you. I really don’t want you to follow me,” You mumbled, realizing what you had to do.
“Just get it over with.” Haz commented, holding his hands out to be bounded.
“I’m sorry but this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you,” you apologized as you tied his ankles to chair legs.
“I seriously doubt that. Please make sure Henry gets home safe. Wait, where’d you get these handcuffs,” Haz said as he was bounded to the chair. He soon realized what he was bound with. The hot pink fluffy handcuffs around his wrists were meant to only be used by you and Tom.
“Umm, you don’t want to know and I promise I will.”
“Gross, Y/N. Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Harrison made a face of pure disgust.
“I could say the same to you. Wait, Tom probably hid all the keys. Can I?” You said as you shoved a clean sock as a gag. So he couldn’t scream.
“Take them and go,” he concluded as you pulled the gag out and told you where his car keys were.
“Thank you. I’ll be back with everyone. I promise,” You said, pressing you lips to his cheek before you placed the gag between his teeth.
You quickly hopped into Haz’s jeep and jetted off. Trying to get there, soon enough to stop Tom, Parker and Henry.
At the Carter’s warehouse, Rosie couldn’t shake the taste of blood on her tongue. Carter had gotten a few licks in. A harsh slap to her right cheek, leaving a faint imprint. She couldn’t even soothe it, still restrained rather harshly. The ropes digging into her skin.
“You better hope they get here. And love you as much as they claim they do. Are you sure they didn’t forget about you. For your safe return, I’m asking big. Your brother needs to turn himself over to me,” Carter exclaimed. Rosie tensed at Carter’s ask. She can’t and wouldn’t let Parker die for her. Her face said it all. An expression of pure worry washed over her.
“Ah, there it is. That look. Deep down you know he isn’t coming. You’re more expendable than the golden boy of the Hollands and you’ve known it for years. Save your breath sweetheart. You are an afterthought, just like me,” Carter grinned.
“You’re wrong. I know they are looking for me. Once they find me, there will be no place on earth you can hide,” Rosie spat. Carter continued spewing lies about her and her family.
“I know what it’s like to be the forgotten child. Believe it or not but I had an older brother, Jacob. My father’s pride and joy and when he died, the mob could only be passed to me. My father resented me for taking Jacob’s place, I wasn’t my dad’s first choice neither his second or third or fourth for fucks sake. Hated that daft man. Kind of mad your brother beat me to kill, didn’t get the satisfaction of seeing the life slowly drain from his eyes,” Carter lamented, spilling his darkest thoughts to Rosie.
“You’re psychotic. You shouldn’t have been treated that way but it’s not too late. If you hated your dad so much, why are you after my brother for killing him. Seems like he did you a favor,” Rosie quipped.
“What kind of son would I be if I didn’t avenge his death? I stepped up and the moment Angus died, I became the leader. The same will happen to you,” Carter questioned.
“I have no idea what you are talking about. I’m just the daughter, maybe the forgotten child but not a killer.”
“I’ll wait and see. We are the same Rosie. Sooner or later, once I kill your brother you will be the new Holland to take on the mantle. Don’t you get it, we are the same.”
“You’re wrong. I don’t need validation from my family, I’m glad I don’t have the burden of living like this,” Rosie responded. Not letting him see that his words were piercing her heart.
“Maybe you don’t need it, but you’d appreciate it. All those times of living in the shadows of everyone else. Never being the first choice. ALWAYS BEING SECOND!!! Aren’t you fucking tired? I sure as hell am and there is hell to be paid from all this.” Carter shouted, causing Rosie to thrash in her restraints
“What are you suggesting?”
“Join me. You talk about not wanting this life, but deep down you are mad at the world you weren’t picked first. Like if we were still in grade school lined up against the gym wall waiting to be picked for dodgeball. You have anger, I can feel it. Use it. Let it fuel your vendetta, Rosie you’ll never get a better offer. Don’t let this be another regret,” Carter requested.
“I’d rather die than join you,” Rosie spat at him.
“If your brother doesn’t show up that can be arranged. You see, I’m a man of my word. Hopefully your brother is too,” Carter concluded, leaving the room.
Rosie couldn’t let him see it, but she was crawling her skin. Begging to get away from that heinous man and back in Henry arms.
‘Oh, Henry’ she thought to herself. The last she of him was when she was abducted. Knocked out alongside her. For all she knew he could be dead, cadaverous lying lifeless somewhere. A few tears slipped out as she let those grim thoughts plague her mind.
Rosie owed everything to Henry. Life without him meant nothing at all. He was there when she needed him most but not right at that moment.
Little did she know, Tom, Parker and Henry were all outside of planning how to bring her home safely. “Ok. We don’t know how many people are in there. But since it’s a warehouse Rosie is probably being held in the main garage. Nobody splits up. Henry you have to stay out here. If Rosie comes out, drive off,” Tom explained.
“What? No. I’m going in there.” Henry questioned, a little annoyed they didn’t want them in there. Sure he had never held a gun before or had to deal with a hostage situation, but he wanted to be in there.
“Henry, your dad needs you and Rosie needs you. She needs you if we both don’t make it. She needs you always. Just promise me, you will treat my daughter well,” Tom uttered.
“I will, sir. Parker, when you're giving that bastard hell, don’t give him a shitty threat. I’ll be waiting for all of you. Now go get our girl.” Henry said, realizing that staying outside was for the best.
Tom and Parker slowly, make their way in the warehouse. Quietly to not alert any lurking guards.
“Parker, I don’t know what we’re walking into. I don’t say it enough but, I love you son. Take care of your mother for me if anything happens?” Tom pleaded.
“I love you too, dad. I will, I promise. But nothing is going to happen,” Parker assured Tom.
“I’ll lead the way. Make sure you stay behind me.” Tom whispered, holding two fingers up.
“Psst, dad,” Parker faltered as Tom was throwing him hand signals.
“Parker, I know you haven’t really been in a shoot out, but shut up.”
“I don’t know what that means…Dad stop, I don’t know.”
“Seriously. It means, I go right, you go left and also shut up.”
“Shut up, two fingers means—“ Parker mocked, becoming oblivious to his position. He was standing right in front of an open hallway.
“Parker, shh…. Get back.” Tom whisper-screamed.
“Oh shit.” Tom mentally face palmed as Parker walking right into open sight giving away their position.
Carter’s men immediately pulled out their guns after noticing Parker jump back behind the corner. Tom and Parker both start firing, covering each other. Bullets strike the two assailants, killing them.
“Like I said, I’m leading—“ Tom said, before being disarmed.
“DAD!!” Parker screams as Tom’s gun is knocked out of his hand and one of Carter’s men wrap his hands around Tom’s neck.
“Shoot him.” Tom managed to croak out as his voice grew more hoarse, by his wind pipe being crushed.
“What?” Parker questioned.
“I said shoot him. SHOOT HIM!” Tom’s voice coming out more as a whisper scream.
Parker aimed his gun at the henchman, closing his eyes. He didn’t want to hit Tom. One shot fired, flooring the thug. The hands around Tom’s neck became limp and Tom coughed to catch his breath.
“You closed your eyes!” Tom wheezed, allowing air to once fill his lungs again.
“What? No, I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did. You could’ve killed me.”
“I didn’t want to hit you,” Parker explained.
“And closing your eyes, impeding your eyesight would prevent that?” Tom thundered sarcastically.
“Ok, if I’m right, they are keeping Rosie past they corridor and there are about three guards right there. I need to save my bullets. But we can take these guys right?” Tom mentioned.
“I guess so,” Parker hesitated.
“Here I’ll make it a fair fight.” Tom said, holding his gun up from around the corner. He fired blind and all you heard was a thud.
Parker was beyond impressed, his jaw slacked open. “How? Hooowww?”
“Parker, close your mouth. Fists up,” Tom replied, throwing the first punch. Barely making a dent in the man’s chiseled face. More punches were thrown by both Parker and Tom. Tom managed to get one of the assailants in a head lock and with the twist of his wrist, snapped his neck.
Parker tried the same but failed epically, “Damm they make that look so easy in the movies.”
“Alright. I’ll stay here to cover you. Go get your sister,” Tom chuckled. Parker just nodded and went through the corridor, finding Rosie centered in a great room tied to a chair. He approached her slowly, trying to stay quiet.
“No, please. No more torture. Just kill me already,” Rosie pleaded with her eyes shut, trying to stop tears from coming.
“Rosie it’s me,” Parker whispered, placing a hand on her cheek.
“Parker,” Rosie exclaimed. All the hope that had dissipated coming back. She was saved.
“Yeah, its okay. We got you now. You’re safe,” Parker assured her. All her bruises and cuts made his heart clench. She wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him.
“Oh, look who finally showed up. Glad you’re somewhat honorable, giving yourself to save your dear sister. The deal was you for her,” Carter jeered coming out of the shadows.
“He’s right. I have to do this,” Parker asserted, going to walk toward him but Rosie grabbed his wrist.
“No you don’t,” Tom yelled, running up to protect Rosie.
“Parker come on,” Rosie begged.
“Are you a man of your word or a sad pathetic little boy?” Carter snickered.
“I’m sorry guys,” Parker pleaded. What choice did he have? Give himself up or have his family be constantly hunted.
“You aren’t taking him.” Tom shouted about to pull out his gun but Carter beat him to it. Shooting him in the left shoulder.
“Daaadddd!” Rosie yelled, dropping to Tom’s level.
“I’m okay, Rosie. I’m okay,” Tom explained, hissing from the pain. His shirt becoming bloodied.
“Come on, I could see you coming from a mile away,” Carter smirked.
“Well did you see this?” Parker said, sending a bullet through his abdomen. Blooded seeped all through his white shirt, the blood loss made him stumble as he fled.
“Rosie, there’s a car outside. Take dad,” Parker disclosed.
“Parker, no. You have to come with is.” Rosie pleaded, tears threatening to fall.
“I’m right behind you. I have to know he is dead. And you have to get dad home.”
“I won’t leave without you. I promise.”
“I’ll be out soon. Go,” Parker motioned. Rosie held Tom close to her body, holding him up as she made her way to the exit.
“Carter, you’re not getting away that easy.” Parker called out, running to the back of the warehouse in search of Carter.
“Come to finish the job? Missing that clean, one shot kill. What was it, execution style?” Carter joshed, coughing as blood filled his mouth.
“Exactly what I’m doing. This bullet was never meant for you but you came after me and my family,” Parker lamented.
“Parker, they’ll never be safe…. The blood you have spilled has marked them for life. They will always be leverage for the man who killed half of London’s mob scene…. Always a pretty penny for your head.” Carter said with labored breaths.
“Shut up, I can protect them,” Parker barked, soon realizing Carter was right.
“They only way you can protect them… is by leaving them.” And with that all life and breath had left Carter. Parker’s thoughts kept coming one after the other. They wouldn’t stop. All the knew was that Rosie was now safe and so was Tom.
Rosie opened the doors to be greeted with her loving boyfriend, Henry. They exchanged a few words, before he attended to Tom.
“Henry,” Rosie whispered, a smile streaked across her face.
“Rosie,” Henry returned, the same smile appeared as he stared at her with pure adoration.
“Tom. Are you okay?” Henry asked, noticing Rosie was carrying him.
“I’m fine. Can we save this love fest for later?” Tom mocked as he clutched his arm.
Not even a minute later, you came running up to the warehouse. You heart stop as you saw a bloodied Tom, “TOM! Oh my god Tom.”
“Y/N?... Baby I’m okay its just a graze.” Tom was surprised to see you here, because he specially left Haz in charge of watching you.
“Owww. What was that for?” He questioned as you punched him in the arm.
“That’s for locking me in my fucking room,” you remarked.
Next what you did, surprised all of them. Who knew anger and adoration were such close emotions. You pressed your lips to his chapped ones. He was surprised by act of love, but relished in your kiss.
“And that’s because I’m so happy to see you,” you whispered, breaking away from a gentle kiss.
“I promise I’ll never leave again. I’m sorry.” Tom whispered against your forehead as the pressed a gentle kiss.
“Rosie, where’s Parker?” you questioned, realizing your family wasn’t whole. You felt your heart sink to your stomach.
“I d-d -don’t know. He was right behind us.” Rosie stammered.
“Henry, I’m going back in. To get him.” Rosie asserted.
“Rosie, please don’t leave me again,” Henry begged.
“He came to save me. Someone has to do the same for him,” Rosie assured.
“I’m going with you,” Henry agreed.
BOOM
As they were running back to the big metal doors, a loud explosion rang through the streets. The building before their eyes burst into flames, before they had the chance to enter. It was engulfed in flames, along with everyone else.
You felt as though your heart stopped and you began to fall to your knees. Buckling under the grief. Tom caught you in his arms as you fell. No one could survive an explosion like that. Not even Parker.
A/n: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Two chapters left, then the sequel series.
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Taglist: @thenoddingbunny-blog @adriannauni @dummiesshort @bi-lmg @allthisfortommy @quaksonhehe
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jenmitski · 3 years
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Running Away With Me
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jennie kim x reader
tw: a little heavy, implication of self-harm or suicide but doesn't go too deep into it. hope you are well :)
"Let's run away together."
You raise your eyebrows, shocked. The idea doesn't sound horrible— not in the slightest, but it's so abrupt. It's so out of nowhere, and most of all, it's just unrealistic. You guys were only in high school. How were you two going to make a living for yourselves? How were you going to even be able to pack your bags without raising suspicion? You weren't the closest with your mom, but you couldn't imagine worrying her like that.
As if sensing your hesitation, Jennie turns her head to you. You both are sitting on a log at the back of some warehouse where a big party is going on. It's a fun night, and there's a fun concert inside, but Jennie wasn't in the mood to have fun. She just wanted to sit with you. Now that you think about it, she'd probably wanted to propose the idea to you the whole time, seeming more reserved than usual all night, like there was something on her mind. There's a firepit in front of you, and the flames are bright on her face. She looks so beautiful. You don't believe it would take much convincing for you to agree to run away with her, and while the thought scares you, you sit and wait for her to speak.
"I know it sounds crazy, okay?" She says, her eyes vulnerable. By the way she bites her lip, you can tell she's afraid you'll call her crazy and leave. But that's not you, so you take her hand and squeeze it to reassure her it's okay. She sends you a soft smile at the action, twisting your hands so that she can lace your fingers together and hold them in a tight clasp. Taking a deep breath, she averts her gaze to the fire. You keep your eyes on her, unable to take them away. "I just- I'm so tired, y/n." Your heart breaks a little at the words. You know how stressful it's been for her lately. "School has been awful. I'm not failing because I've put all of my energy into it, but I don't think I have any more left to give. I'm going to start failing- and when that happens, my parents will be so upset with me. And I won't be able to act in any more plays if my grades get too low." Her voice gets a little shaky, and you squeeze her hand one more time to calm her down. She sighs, glancing down at your hands one more time before looking back at the fire in front of her. "I don't know if I want to stick around here to see that. I- I don't think I could take it. It would be too much."
You furrow your eyebrows, the words concerning you. "What do you mean you won't be able to take it? You're so strong, Jen."
Immediately, she shakes her head, and you see a single tear fall down her cheek. "I need to leave this town. I need to go. If I don't, I don't know what I'll do to myself."
Your hand untangles from hers, leaving it to instead hold her face in both of your hands, turning her to look at you. You both shift your bodies slightly so that they're facing each other. She reaches one hand up to lazily rest her fingertips on your arm. Closing her eyes, several tears fall. "Don't say that, baby." You whisper, rubbing her cheek with your thumb. She relaxes into your touch, but she can't stop the small sobs that come out. Pulling her close, you wrap her in a warm embrace as she cries into your chest, not caring to be silent anymore. The sound almost makes you cry. You hate seeing her in pain, and this is the result of her bottling it up, of her never taking a break. You stroke her hair rhythmically, trying to soothe her as best as possible. It takes a few minutes, but eventually her breathing slows down, and her grip on your shirt loosens, and her whole body relaxes. The muffled sounds of the party inside is so contrasting to how the girl in your arms is feeling, but you know that it's somehow calming you both. You're both slightly in a daze, but a small giggle from Jennie snaps you out of it, your heart beating at the sound.
"What?" you ask, a small smile forming on your face.
"I'm going to fall asleep if you keep stroking my hair like that." She mumbles, the drowsiness from her cry already apparent in her voice.
Your smile widens at that, letting out a chuckle yourself. "Go ahead, you can fall asleep. I can wake you up in an hour or two." Your voice is so filled with love and genuine care it makes Jennie's heart burst. This is when she's happy. Nights like this. With a sigh, she stays in your arms for a moment, and you think she will actually fall asleep right here, but she sits up, looking at you. Her eyes are puffy and slightly red, the sight making your hand reach out and caress her cheek. She hums at the feeling, her eyes fluttering closed for a second before she gently pushes your hand down to rest on her leg instead. When she opens her eyes, they're filled with a fondness that's familiar to you. It's the way she always looks at you, and it never fails to make your heart skip a beat.
"I love you." She says, so quietly it's almost like she exhaled the words. You open your mouth to say it back, but she cuts you off. "Don't. Just let me speak." Closing your mouth, you nod, listening intently. "Hopefully, I can get through this without crying this time..." you both laugh half-heartedly at what she says, before she continues. "I love you, so much. I don't think I've ever loved a person this much in my whole life, and- and I don't think anyone's ever loved me so much either." You place your hand on top of hers, and she does the same with you, your hands stacked atop one another in care. "But I meant what I said," her voice cracks a little bit, and you're worried she's going to cry again, but she composes herself. "If I have to go another month in that place, I- I don't know if I'll be strong enough to take it."
"I'll be there for you, Jen-"
"Even with you with me." She says. "As selfish as that sounds, I just know. And you're right, I'm smart, and I'm strong. But even I know what I can't take. I've been draining myself ever since I entered school, ever since my parents put so much pressure on me to be perfect. And I'm using what little strength I have in me to make this decision and leave." You nod, not knowing if you should speak or not. She looks at you, shakes her head with a laugh, then removes her hands from yours, looking down at her feet. "I'm going to leave either way, whether you come with me or not." The thought makes your heart hurt. She would really leave you? "I don't want to." Her eyes are back on yours. You wonder if she heard your thoughts. "If I left without you, I'd be happier than I am here, but I'd still be hanging on by a thread. Only... the thread would be stronger, I guess." She bites her lip, not sure if the meaning got to you. "Look, what I'm saying is I want to go with you. All you have to do is say yes- and- and I know it's a lot to ask of you so suddenly, but I need to know. If you need a night to think about it, I'll give you it, but I need to go soon and I love you and I'll only be fully happy if you come with me."
Taking a moment to process everything she's saying to you, you sit there. She just looks at you, her eyes pleading for you to agree. To just say yes. To get rid of all her stress and worry and fear with just one word. But, you can't. That's never been you. You like to dream, but you have to be rational. You can't get lost in it. You have to give all decisions some proper thought.
"How soon are you thinking?"
You can tell that a question isn't exactly what she wanted to hear from you, but it's not bad. It still gives her hope, so she sends you a small smile. "I don't really have a set date. Before the month ends."
"The month? That's in two weeks, Jen!"
"We can make it work! I know we can." She reassures you, "Two weeks is a lot of time. And- and besides, that's not the deadline, it's only ideal. I would be okay within three weeks."
"What?" You ask exasperatedly. She shrinks at your tone, and you sigh, rubbing a hand up and down her leg lovingly. Her eyes watch your hands, not wanting to meet your face out of embarrassment. "Look, it's not that I don't want to go with you, Jennie, I- I do, I think." She scoffs at your uncertainty. "But you can't just expect me to blindly agree! You're already so stressed, if we leave unprepared, you'll be under even more stress. Where did you even want to go?"
"New York."
"That's... that's impossible."
"Stop speaking like that!" She exclaims, a hint of anger in her voice. Her eyes are narrowed at you now. "Don't you love me? Don't you believe in me? I have money! I've been saving up money for the past few months, and up until recently, I didn't even know why. But now I do. My body has always known what I wanted to do, okay? And I have always pictured that with you! So could you just please say yes and we can figure this out another night?! Please?" Your eyes soften at the desperation in her voice. What can you say? What should you say? "Please," she begs, "every night I feel like this sadness is going to consume me. Like- like an ocean, like the waves are engulfing me and I'm drowning, but then you come. Baby, you come to me." Her voice is cracking, and you see a line of water threaten to spill at the bottom of her eyes. "You come to me and you pull me out of that, like you're my breath of fresh air. You're my oxygen. I can't breathe without you, y/n. Just take a chance on me, just this once. Let me be the most important thing in your life, let me be selfish with you, please."
No.
No, you tell yourself. No, no, no, no, no. Over and over again. You should say no. You know this probably won't last. You know that even with all the love you two hold for each other, there's still a big chance you both will end up working yourselves to death trying to live, especially in New York, where everyone is trying to make a living.
Yet, the way she's looking at you is just too much. It's filled with too much hope, and vulnerability, and desperation and fear and want and need and love. She loves you, with every bone in her body. And it's the mutual feeling that you have that has you shaking your head yes. That has everything in you sending alarm signals to your brain as you say the word, "Okay." And you almost can't believe yourself. You almost want to take it back. To end things here, to tell her that you'll still support her but you can't leave with her.
But then her whole face lights up. Then she flashes that same gummy smile at you that you've come to love. Then she throws her arms around you and squeals in excitement and you hear the most joy from her voice in months. Then you realize just how much she's been under, and as much as you've tried to help, you've never really seen it the way you do now as she grips you so tightly and thanks you repeatedly. And then you know you couldn't have said no, no matter what. You know you wouldn't have said no in any universe, in any world, in any place, no matter how much or how little convincing she tried to do.
You hug her back, laughing happily at her small sounds of excitement. She pulls away from the hug, only to capture your lips in a kiss. It's filled with emotion, with passion, and you two can't stop smiling and laughing in between kisses that you can never kiss longer than several pecks. You can taste the salt from her tears on your lips. You could bask in her joy right now. You are. For someone who was so hesitant only a few minutes ago, you feel like you share the same amount of excitement for the future as her.
"I love you," she whispers, her forehead leaning on yours as she stares into your eyes. Her hands are cupping your face intimately. "I know I'm asking for a lot."
"I don't care." You say, and you definitely do not. "I would throw it all away for you. I will throw that all away. Because you're right, Jen. I'm your oxygen. And you are mine. And any life with you away from me is meaningless."
She laughs sweetly, "You're so cheesy."
"Says you. You just poured out your heart to me using several literary devices."
"Ew, no school talk." She complains, before capturing you in another kiss. This one is longer, now that the happiness is beginning to calm down and settle in you two. It doesn't get too heated, but you both only pull away when you need to come up for air. You both sit there for a little bit afterwards, giggling together at the high you're feeling. "See, doesn't it feel good to take a risk?"
"Only with you, angel."
She hums, pecking your lips one more time. "I'm so glad I met you."
You smile. This girl is about to ruin your life.
"Me too."
----
A/N: If you stumbled upon this, hope you enjoyed loool, it was inspired by LIS: Before The Storm, or more specifically the character of Rachel Amber hehe. Sorry if it's shitty or if it feels rushed, but it was just an idea in my head :) lmk what u think or smth if that's what ur heart desires !!
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