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lavellander · 3 years

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hello im feeling extra “touch the stove”-y today so. i was looking for any dialogue where solas just straight up lies and (of what i could find online/transcribed, obv) i didnt find anything that was 100% untrue. he’ll completely avoid the question, change the subject, give part of the truth, etc etc etc, but nothing was just Entirely A Lie

what really gets me is that there’s a handful of convos where someone infers something from what solas says, and he will even point out that he didn’t directly say that. like, he tells people how to see through his shit, lmao

here is an embarrassingly long ass list of examples, all sorted by what kind of not-lying he’s doing lol, just bc i am unhinged<3

*note that some of these are cut from longer bits of dialogue or have been split up from one conversation into different categories*

literally just Not Answering The Question lol

Dorian: How much “will” do they have? They’re amorphous constructs of the Fade. Solas: Hmm.

Dorian: Solas, have I offended you? Solas: If you have, why would it concern you?

Dorian: Solas, what is this whole look of yours about? Solas: I’m sorry? Dorian: No, that outfit is sorry. What are you supposed to be, some kind of woodsman? Dorian: Is it a Dalish thing? Don’t you dislike the Dalish? Or is it some kind of statement? Solas: No.

Dorian: Let me get this straight, Solas. Dorian: You’re an apostate – neither Dalish nor city elf – who lived alone in the woods studying spirits. Solas: Is that a problem for you?

Solas: [has a whole tactical moment about the red jennies lmao] Sera: Where d’you get all this, then? Solas: Do you wish to be unnerved by another tale of my explorations of the Fade? Or do you wish to learn something?

Vivienne: You must be pleased with what was revealed at the Temple of Mythal, Solas. Solas: Why should those ruins please me, Enchanter?

changing the subject before he backs himself into a corner

Gatt: I don’t see any tattoos, but you’re carrying a staff. Are you from a Chantry Circle? Solas: No. And I would prefer not to discuss it.

Solas: I find the fall of the dwarven lands confusing. Varric: What’s so confusing about endless darkspawn? Solas: A great deal, although that is a different matter.

giving the truth, but not the whole truth

Blackwall: Skyhold. How did you find it? Solas: I looked. Blackwall: Now you sound like Cole. You looked? Solas: This world is full of wonders for those who seek them.

Blackwall: You spoke of seeing death and destruction. Did you fight in a war? Solas: There are struggles across Thedas at any given time. I doubt you would have heard of it. Blackwall: An elven skirmish? Solas: In a manner of speaking, yes.

Cassandra: Solas, have you always lived alone? Out in the wilderness, as an apostate? Solas: For the most part.

Cassandra: Have you ever encountered templars before? Solas: Only at a distance. I am an apostate, after all. Cassandra: And they never caught you even once? Solas: I am a very careful apostate.

Dorian: We found elves, living ancient elves, at the Temple of Mythal. Does that bother you, Solas? If Inquisitor allied with the Sentinels: Solas: I am pleased we were not forced to kill them, if that’s what you mean.

Iron Bull: You’ve got an odd style, Solas. Your spells are a bit different from the Circle mages or the Vints. Solas: That comes from being self-taught. Solas: I discovered most of my magic on my own, or learned it from my journeys in the Fade.

Vivienne: So, an apostate? Solas: That is correct, Enchanter. I did not train in your Circle.

Solas: You are a man who made a choice... possibly the first of your life. Iron Bull: I’ve always liked fighting. What if I turn savage, like the other Tal-Vashoth? Solas: You have the Inquisition, you have the Inquisitor... and you have me.

from cutscene at beginning Inquisitor: [mentions the anchor closing a rift] Solas: Whatever magic opened the Breach in the sky also placed that mark upon your hand. I theorized the mark might be able to close the rifts that have opened in the Breach's wake – and it seems I was correct.

from cutscene at beginning Solas: [to a Dalish Inq] You are Dalish, but clearly away from the rest of your clan. Did they send you here? Inquisitor: What do you know of the Dalish? Solas: I have wandered many roads in my time, and crossed paths with your people on more than one occasion. Inquisitor: [Crossed paths? dialogue choice] Solas: I mean that I offered to share knowledge, only to be attacked for no greater reason than their superstition.

from “I’d like to know more about you” convo in Haven Inquisitor: What made you start studying the Fade? Solas: I grew up in a village to the north. There was little to interest a young man, especially one gifted with magic. But as I slept, spirits of the Fade showed me glimpses of wonders I had never imagined. I treasured my dreams. Being awake, out of the Fade, became troublesome.

actually telling the truth but no one picks up on the gravity of it

Solas: [...] I believe the elven gods existed, as did the old gods of Tevinter. But I do not think any of them were gods, unless you expand the definition of the word to the point of absurdity. I appreciate the idea of your Maker, a god that does not need to prove his power. I wish more such gods felt the same. Cassandra: You have seen much sadness in your journeys, Solas. Following the Maker might offer some hope. Solas: I have people, Seeker. The greatest triumphs and tragedies this world has known can all be traced to people.

Cole: No, inside. I don’t hear your hurt as much. Your song is softer, subtler, not silent but still. Solas: How small the pain of one man seems when weighted against the endless depths of memory, of feeling, of existence. That ocean carries everyone. And those of us who learn to see its currents move through life with their fewer ripples.

Cole: You didn’t do it to be right. You did it to save them. Inquisitor: Solas, what is Cole talking about? Solas: A mistake. One of many made by a much younger elf who was certain he knew everything.

Solas: Empires rise and fall. Arlathan was no more “innocent” than your own Tevinter in its time. Solas: Your nostalgia for the ancient elves, however romanticized, is pointless.

Solas: Our people used to be here. Sera: Pfft, you say that everywhere. Solas: It is more true than you want to believe.

Vivienne: You must be pleased, apostate. With the Templars dissolved, your rebels will be most difficult to pacify. Solas: My rebels? Am I an agent for their cause, whispering poison into the Inquisition’s ears? Solas: How comforting. Vivienne: You enjoy seeing yourself as a villain? Solas: No more than any other clever man who wonders what he could do if pushed.

Vivienne: [about the Temple of Mythal] Now you know the elves were once a mighty nation. Solas: I always knew, Enchanter. The Temple of Mythal is just another reminder of what was lost.

(in the Emerald Graves): These forests have changed much since I was last here.

during the Fade!Haven cutscene Solas: It seems you hold the key to our salvation. You had sealed it with a gesture... and right then, I felt the whole world change. Inquisitor: [romance option] “Felt the whole world change?” Solas: A figure of speech. Inquisitor: I’m aware of the metaphor. I’m more interested in felt. Solas: You change... everything.

pointing out that people assume he means things he did not directly say

Cole: There is pain though, still within you. Solas: And I never said there was not.

Solas: You may well become fully human, after all. I never thought to see it. Cole: When did you see it before? Solas: I did not say that I had.

Iron Bull: We’ve got the alliance with my people. Given how much you love the Qun, I figured... Solas: I might scold you? Berate you for your decisions? Iron Bull: Hey. The Chargers died as heroes for the good of the mission. Solas: I never said otherwise.

Sera: Don’t you start. Solas: I’m reasonably certain I said nothing.

Vivienne: [talking shit about grey warden mages] Solas: I never claimed mages should be above the law, Enchanter. Vivienne: No, darling. You merely implied it, while offering no viable suggestions for improvement.

after infamous “side benefits” dialogue Warrior Inquisitor: You find my muscles enjoyable? Solas: I meant that you enjoyed having them, presumably. Warrior Inquisitor: Ah. Solas: But yes... since you asked.

diminishing things he does actually know by saying he he “believes” or “thinks,” or that things were vaguely “said” or “told”

Solas: I say what I believe to be true, even if it gives offense to those who prefer the lie.

Dorian: That orb Corypheus carries... are you certain it’s of elven origin, Solas? Solas: I believe so. Why do you ask?

Solas: It is said that we lived at a pace that sustained us for... ages.

making it sound like he’s talking about something/someone else, but it’s just him lmao

Cole: Do you know a lot about wolves? Solas: I know that they are intelligent, practical creatures that small-minded fools think of as terrible beasts.

Solas: No man can kill so many people without breaking inside. To survive... those you fight must become monsters. Iron Bull: The ones that kill innocent people, yeah. The rest... I don’t know. Solas: The mind does marvelous things to protect itself.

during In Hushed Whispers Inquisitor: I’m glad you understood what he just said because I’m not sure I did. Solas: You would think such understanding would stop me from making such terrible mistakes. You would be wrong.

misc

this one i wanted to include because it’s the only circumstance (that i came across) where someone directly asks solas to lie and he literally says he can’t

during the fucking crestwood breakup scene Inquisitor: [angry option] Tell me you don’t care. Solas: I can’t do that. Inquisitor: Tell me I was some casual dalliance so I can call you a cold-hearted son of a bitch and move on! Solas: I’m sorry.

*also note that most of these are banter transcriptions from the wiki; some are cutscene / other dialogue posted by either @/daitranscripts or u/karinini on reddit; it’s not all his cutscenes obv, but I’m not about to look up every single one individually sdlkfj*

#i am................incredibly embarrassed that i did this #forgive me. the brain worms would not leave until it was Done #also sorry that its ugly no matter what i did tungle was NOT happy w my formatting. just know its clean and easy to read in my mind :/#and i know none of this is new information but i am riddled with terminal grad student brain disease so i like having my evidence organized #long post #(bc its long as hell if u open the read more)#im going to put this in my #ref #tag. bc i sometimes get tripped up writing his dialogue to be cryptic but true

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morgana-ren · 3 years

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Morgana, now you got me curious. How would dear Shiggy cope if his s/o broke up with him? Would he try to move on?

Oh bud, I say this a lot, but not well.

He’s grown roots inside of you, flourished under your attentions. It’s never easy and amicable and mature, because this is a disgusting thing you’ve done to him. Abhorrent and foul and unforgivable.

Shigaraki is a reserved guy, and he'll abide the people around him, but making a connection with someone on that level is... hard. When it severs, it leaves yet another bleeding wound for him to cauterize and seethe over. Something to breathe life anew into his hatred, his rage. Another lesson in a long life of hardship and strife that sends him reeling into obsession, consuming him and suffocating as he breathes deep the ashes of the one source of happiness he’d stitched into himself and left him with yet another twisted scar when you wrenched yourself away.

You stoked something inside of him, a kindling fire that the lingering ghost of you warps into a raging inferno, scorching him from the inside out that leaves him flayed raw and open. He can taste you behind his teeth, the desire to carve his name on your very soul an unending burn in his gut. Shigaraki does not connect with anyone but you wormed your way into his blood and threaded yourself into his spine, his very bones scrimshawed in your image.

You are his. You leaving him is something he can’t abide. You just need to be reminded, that’s all. You love him, you need him. You’re just a stubborn little brat with delusions. You don’t know what’s good for you, but thankfully he does.

You allowed him to bury his sorrows between your sweet thighs, build a sanctuary and find solace deep inside of you, and you dare to try and walk away? You leave him alone in the dust against the world without you at his back when you promised him forever?

Oh, he doesn’t think so. Absolutely not.

It doesn’t matter what your reasons are. He let you into his bed, into his brain, only for you to cruelly rip yourself away now that you’ve made him need you? You came into his life and laid him low before you; he yielded to you, let you burrow beneath his ribs only for you to take his heart with you when you clawed your way out.

He can’t abide that.

That connection is permanent. You made a vow to him, one you can’t rescind simply because of your silly little whims. You belong to him, you are his, and while he prefers you by his side, he’ll take you on your bruising knees groveling and begging forgiveness if necessary until you’re ready to stand on your own two feet beside him again.

You told him you loved him. Sighed it sweet into his ear with him still buried deep in your body and your fingers clawing little love trails into his back. Your lips against his neck, panting breath causing his shorthairs to stand on end.

He won’t even entertain the pain of your loss, because there is no loss. Just a silly little girl playing with fire and about to get burned. You fool. You idiot. You impudent little bitch. You’ll pay for this.

You don’t just stop loving someone. You love him. You do.

You’ll come back to him. You will. You will plead for his forgiveness and he will make you earn it for this trespass.

But if you don’t, he’ll drag you back.

You love him. But more importantly, he loves you. He loves you. Do you understand what that means?

You will.

#reader x shigaraki #nsft #morgana and friends #I’m so tired lmaooo

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phoebenavarro · 3 years

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the fading sun

I haven’t posted any of my writing here in a very long time but I’m rather proud of this piece so, why not. part of my “Jon decides Tim is the only person he can trust in s2″ AU, but can be read on it’s own

the magnus archives, jontim, 1,456 words

on ao3 here

Jon is the most tactile person Tim has ever met. It came as a bit of a surprise to him, because of the general vibe Jon has projected the entire time they’ve known each other, but as they’ve gotten closer, Tim has learned that Jon only allows himself to be like this with people he trusts, and Jon has never trusted many people. Tim feels all warm and fuzzy, knowing he’s one of the few people Jon trusts. So Tim holds Jon, and Jon clings to him like a lifeline. Jon is wrapped around him, with his head resting on Tim’s chest, and Tim is stroking Jon’s hair when a thought strikes him, and he snorts. Jon hums an inquisitive tone.

“Nothing really,” Tim says, “I just realized that this…..” he gestures between them, “Whatever this is. Us. Is the most stable relationship I’ve had in years.” Jon huffs out a half laugh, a little bitter.

“Yeah. Yeah, me too.”

Tim lets that sit in the air for a few minutes, enjoying the calm between them.

“What are we?” he asks, “Are we a couple? Romantically, I mean.”

Jon considers it. “I don’t know, are we?” he replies, lifting his head to look at Tim with a raised eyebrow. Tim pulls Jon up to face him more comfortably.

“Oh no, you’re not turning the question back on me,” Tim says, a little indignant, then, softer, “I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t interested.”

Jon has definitely thought about it. He’s thought about how his relationship with Tim really isn’t that different from any other romantic relationship he’s had in his life. The main difference is the lack of kissing (or well, snogging, but Jon hates that word), and going out on dates. Tim is handsome, and kind, and funny, and he’s the only person who makes Jon feel safe, the only person who understands exactly what Jon is going through.

So yes, it’s safe to say Jon is interested.

“I’d like that,” Jon says, shyly, “If you would.”

“Oh, I absolutely would.” Tim waggles his eyebrows at him, a large grin spreading across his face. Jon smiles back at him for a second, before his brain decides to ruin the moment for him.

“I’m asexual,” Jon blurts out. He winces, embarrassed at his own self. He’s never been good at this part. Tim sits up a bit, leaning on his elbow. He looks a little surprised, but not shocked at the sudden change in topic.

“I mean, I figured?” he says. Jon’s brain short circuits.

“You… What?”

Tim gestures to the black ring on Jon’s middle finger. “The ring. That’s an ace thing, right?”

“Oh!” Jon looks down at his hand. “Yes, uh.” Georgie gave it to him, shortly after he figured out he was ace. She was the first person to accept that he didn’t really want sex, and she was integral in helping him discover that there was a word for the way he felt. “I— Sometimes I forget I’m wearing it, and that other people know what it means.” Tim nods.

Jon plows on, unable to stop talking. He hasn’t dated in a long time, since before he got the head archivist position, so he hasn’t had to do the ‘coming out to a potential romantic partner’ spiel in a while. He’s always anxious about it, but with Tim, he’s terrified. Not that he thinks Tim will react badly, but… Every person he’s dated since Georgie lost interest after he came out to them. He knows that, statistically, his asexuality couldn’t have been the reason for all of them, especially when he considered his difficult personality, but the last thing Jon wants is to ruin what he and Tim have now.

“I don’t experience sexual attraction, I never have, and I just want you to know that sex isn’t something I’m interested in, except on very rare occasions. An— and it’s nothing you’ve done, it’s just me. It’s how I am.” He wishes he could blame it on a low libido, but it’s a lot more complicated than that.

Tim is looking at him with such gentleness that he thinks he might cry.

“Jon,” he says, “That is okay. More than okay, really. The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable.”

“I mean— I don’t—“ Jon sighs, “I know that sex is something that you enjoy.”

Tim laughs a little, because now it’s his turn to explain a complicated subject.

“Yeah, sure, I have been known to enjoy casual sex,” an understatement, “But it’s not something I’ve been doing lately.” He sighs, unsure of how to explain it. “After Danny I was just… Numb, for so long, and hooking up with people was an easy way to feel something. It was a coping mechanism, I guess, but it really wasn’t healthy, so I stopped. Not that I stopped hooking up with people completely, but y’know, going on dates with people first and making more genuine connections instead of just… using them. And then Prentiss happened, and well, I haven’t exactly been sleeping with anybody.

“I know what my reputation was in Research. and I first liked you because you were never all judgmental about that. So if you never want to have sex with me, I’m fine with that.”

“Well, I didn’t say never,” Jon mutters. He knows he gives off a ‘never’ kind of vibe, (and he was, for a long time, until he figured out what he likes and how he likes it), but he genuinely enjoys sex, on occasion. Usually the issue is that he’s too much in his own head, thinking too much about the logistics, the vulnerability required, that it’s too much trouble, but it can be different with someone he trusts.

“That didn’t come out right,” Tim says, “I don’t want you to think that you’re a burden, or something. Because you’re not, and I want to give this a go, with you, because you’re you, and I love you.”

Jon stares at Tim, dumbstruck for a moment, because it is such a painfully Tim way to say it, and Jon once again feels like he could cry.

“Thank you,” he says, “I appreciate you saying that. Other people have not taken it well, in the past.”

“Fuck that,” Tim responds, “I’m sorry people were shitty.”

“Guess we’ve got that in common,” Jon says.

“Yeah,” Tim sighs, “Bi ace solidarity?”

Jon nods and leans in closer to Tim. “Kiss me?”

Tim doesn’t need to be asked twice. He’s been thinking about it fairly often for the past few weeks. He presses his lips against Jon’s, gentle and chaste.Jon melts against him. Tim doesn’t want to push things too far, since they haven’t had a real conversation about boundaries, so they just trade soft, sweet kisses for a while. It feels simultaneously novel and intimate, and Tim finds himself thinking that he would be content to stay in this moment forever.

After some time, Jon pulls away, a small grin across his face.

“Alright?” Tim asks gently.

“Very much so,” Jon replies.

“Hey, if we’re dating, is it weird if I still call you boss?” Tim asks, humor back in his voice.

“Only if you’re into that,” Jon deadpans, and Tim laughs that delighted laugh he reserves for when Jon surprises him with a joke.

“Oh Christ,” Jon says, as he thinks about the implications of dating someone who is technically his employee, “HR is gonna be a nightmare about this.”

“I mean… Who says we have to tell them?” Tim says, and Jon stares at him, affronted. “Yes, alright, I’m sure the employee handbook has lots to say on the subject, but this stopped being a normal job the moment we got attacked by a worm lady, so forgive me if I don’t see the point in doing the proper HR paperwork.”

“I suppose you have a point.”

“I genuinely don’t think there’s much we can do at this point that would make Elias fire us. And if he did fire us for dating I would leave a hell of a bad review on GlassDoor.”

Jon smiles. “I don’t think academics really use GlassDoor.”

“Whatever,” Tim shrugs, “I think HR would also have a thing or two to say about me sharing a bed with my boss every night for the past few months.”

Jon’s face goes red at that. “Yes, alright. We won’t tell anyone.”

“I’ll make it up to you. We could go on a real, proper date? Go out to dinner, maybe see a movie?”

“I haven’t been to the cinema in ages,” Jon says, “ ‘Would be nice.”

Tim snickers. “Cinema. Alright, Grandad.”

Jon kisses him again to silence his teasing.

#the magnus archives #tma #tma fic #jontim #jontimweek #mine #my writing

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mostlydysfunction · 4 years

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Sacred Part 2

Summary: Tusk has made his decision, something that changes both his and Chloe’s lives forever.

Pairing: Yautja x human OC

Warnings: Some violence, shitty Yautja anatomy descriptions, some fighting, a little blood, smut

A/N: OMG I did it. I finished part 2. I’ve literally been working on this since I wrote Part 1 like three months ago. My muse bit me in the ass and here we are. BONUS: extra love to whomever can figure out the ending....

Part 1| Masterlist|

Tarei’hsan frantically presses buttons on the console, the ship shuddering as shots are fired at them. Chloe is safely tucked away in a pod, strapped in and ready in case things go wrong. The coordinates are set, ready to send her to the nearest oxygen-based planet. All he has to do is press a button.

He weaves the ship, dodging fire as he attempts to start a jump. He needs to get as far from there as he can, his ship only capable of taking so much fire. Things had not gone as he’d hoped. He had thought they were in empty space, but it appeared there were others in the area.

He had abandoned the idea of returning to his Clan Ship. There was a chance they would be killed on sight. There was a chance they would kill Chloe and make him watch. There was a chance she would be hated for her entire time there, shunned by the males and scorned by the females. He couldn’t put her through that. So he had changed course, cut the ties with his clan, and sent the ship off to empty space where he would have time to figure out where they were going to go.

But then she’d come in, smelling like sweet meat, clean and musky and he’d completely lost control. He’d mated with her, lost himself in her. He’d let his guard down and now they were being pursued by another spacecraft. He had sent the ship right into a trap and now he was paying the price.

He curses, steering away from another blast. The ship was almost ready, vibrating from the force of the damage and the power needed to make such a big jump. It was the safest place he knew for both of them and their best bet on a place to lay low for a while.

The wormhole opens in front of him, his ship jumping through, thankfully closing before the other ship can follow. He slows his ship down, preparing to enter the atmosphere of the planet before him. He keeps Chloe stored away, wanting to be ready for anything. She would forgive him later, he’s sure of it.

He lands on the planet, kicking up dust as he sets the ship down roughly. He runs a scan, pulling up everything that’s damaged. He’d need to do repairs before they did any more serious traveling. He makes sure the cloaking is on before he leaves the pilot’s seat, heading back towards the pods. He opens the pod, catching Chloe as she slides out. It would be a few minutes before she would wake up, so he returns to the pilot’s seat, holding her in his arms.

She’s soft and warm against him, and he can’t help but remember how she’d felt wrapped around him, tight and wet. He’d let her dominate him, let her take control. He’d wanted to fuck her like a female but he knew she was more fragile, more delicate than the females of his kind. He didn’t want to risk hurting her. She’d been so receptive to him, the sounds she’d made, the way she shivered when he touched her. He can feel himself getting hard again and pushes the thoughts away. That was for later.

Right now, he needed to find them someplace to stay, someplace to lay low.

Chloe starts to shift in his arms, groaning a little as she stretches. He purrs quietly to her, smoothing a hand down her back. She groans again, nuzzling closer to his chest. He stares down at her for a moment, tracing her features with his eyes. Yautja don’t define beauty in the same way humans do. Yautja don’t have a concept of beauty at all. Strength, power, hunting, and fighting abilities. Those were things Yautja took into consideration when looking for mates. But this small ooman, pathetically weak compared to him, had warped his ideals. She had wormed her way into his mind, into his heart, and changed him. But he had been the one to let it happen, too. He had let her worm her way in, twist him inside, change him. He liked it.

He leans back in his seat, cradling his tiny ooman in his arms. His clan may not agree, may not accept her, but he was willing to let it all go, leave it all behind for the sake of his ooman. His Yeyinde.

Chloe starts to stir again, Tarei’hsan’s helmet picking up her rising heart rate and her quickened breaths. He doesn’t loosen his hold, staring down at her as her eyes flutter then open. She frowns for a moment, looking around, her body tensing slightly.

“Tusk.” She says, her voice groggy and rough.

He purrs in reply, shifting her slightly to free one of his arms, reaching out a clawed finger to brush a stray hair from her eyes. He lets the claw trace lightly down the side of her face, watching her struggle to come out of the drugged sleep she had been forced into. He had given her half a dose, knowing her biology was different, and regardless of his blood running through her system, he could have easily killed her with a full dose.

“What...happen...”

“Attack.” He says, searching for the words in his database. “Hostile ship.”

“Where are we now?” She asks, rubbing her eyes.

“Safe.”

She groans, laying her face against the armor on his shoulder. He continues to hold her, hoping he did the right thing. Hoping he made the right decision. He was forever an outcast, leaving his clan, his family behind, all for this tiny, fragile human in his arms. Was she worth all of it?

Yes.

He could start his own family, his own clan. He had heard of it being done. Bad Bloods did it all the time. He would be his own leader now.

********

Chloe rubs at her eyes, bare feet kicking up sand as she follows close behind Tusk. She was still groggy and disoriented, but Tusk had told her that would wear off soon. She pulls the blanket tighter around her, picking up her pace so she doesn’t get lost behind the long strides of her alien companion.

She hadn’t gotten much out of him, not that she had asked much to begin with. Wherever they had ended up, he had deemed it safe enough for them, at least for the time being. Chloe starts to get flashbacks to the time she’d watched Star Wars, being reminded of it as they enter the metal building. It wasn’t enough that she was being reminded of it, she’s living it. She was on an alien planet in outer space. Obviously one that was heavily trafficked, as the many ships sitting outside had told her.

She keeps her head down, a blanket covering her as she sticks close to Tusk nearly pressed up against his back. He’s speaking with someone she can’t see, not that she really wants to. It was enough of a shock to register the fact she wasn’t on Earth anymore, let alone the fact she was with an alien...an alien she had fucked...to try and wrap her brain around the fact there were more aliens around her. They were all aliens to her. Or was she the alien?

Chloe grips the back of Tusk’s belt as he speaks with someone, pressing up against his warmth. It had been warm outside, but the metal floor is cold against her bare feet. Thankfully no one seems to pay them any mind, giving them a wide berth in fact. Perhaps it was the nature of her companion. Or maybe that was just alien etiquette.

She’s pulled along as Tusk begins to move, making his way through crowds of creatures. Chloe keeps her head down, holding onto Tusk as he weaves his way towards a staircase, heading up. She nearly runs into his back when he stops, heading down a hallway before opening a door. She’s ushered inside before he closes the door, the airlock hissing. She pulls the blanket down so it’s wrapped around her shoulders, looking up at him. He’s at the small window, glancing out. Chloe takes a moment to look around the room, taking it in.

Had she not known she was on a different planet, she would have guessed she was in some sort of strange hotel. Maybe something one would find in Roswell or the Southwest. The entire room is metal, giving it a very futuristic look despite the obvious wear and tear. There’s what seems to be a bed in the corner, and a desk in another. There’s a door next to the bed, what she assumes leads to the bathroom. What she hopes leads to the bathroom.

Tusk moves from the window finally, making his way towards her. She looks up at him, craning her head to see him as he stops inches from her. He lifts his hand, clawed fingers tracing over her cheek before his palm presses against her skin. She leans into his touch, letting her eyes flutter closed.

“What happens now?” She asks, lips brushing the rough skin of his palm.

“Stay until safe.” He says through his helmet, claws running through her hair gently. “Then...I don’t know.”

She opens her eyes, looking up at him. “We’re not going to your clan are we?”

He shakes his head. “Too many...risks. Not...worth it.”

Chloe frowns slightly, pulling away from him and sitting on the bed. He watches her, mandibles clicking in confusion.

“I can’t help but feel this is partially my fault. Actually, it is all my fault. I’m the reason you can’t go back to your family. Your clan. You did all this for me and now you can’t ever see them again.” Chloe runs a hand through her hair tugging on it slightly. “Your entire life is ruined because of me.

The hand on her shoulder startles her. She had been so lost in her own thoughts she hadn’t even noticed him move close to her. Her back hits the mattress with a hard thump, nearly knocking the wind out of her. It’s not as soft as she’s used to, not even the pile of furs she’d been sleeping on the past few days weren’t as firm as this mattress. Despite its firmness it still dips as he climbs on, heavy weight denting the firm substance.

She can feel the warmth of him as he kneels over her, caging her in under his body. He lowers himself down, holding himself up on his elbows. His mask is nearly touching her face, close enough she can see the roughness of the metal, the divots and impurities in it.

They lay like that for a few moments, breathing in each other’s air before a single word is uttered.

“No.”

Chloe stares into the eyes of the helmet, lips parted slightly as she breathes in the slightly musky scent coming off him. She feels exposed suddenly, the blanket had fallen open. She had been forced to dress in her dirty clothes, her torn pants and the tank top she’d worn under her layers on Earth. The room is cold, making her aware of her lack of bra but he doesn’t seem to notice.

“Yeyinde.” He breathes out, shifting ever so slightly over her. “Worth it.”

Chloe bites back tears at his words. They were simple but she could understand. He wouldn’t have risked taking her on his ship in the first place, he would have left her to die in the cold on Earth if he hadn’t thought she was worth it. He wouldn’t have risked his entire life, he wouldn’t have saved her. He wouldn’t have let himself be so vulnerable with her...he wouldn’t have been so gentle with her had he not thought her worth it. He hadn’t left his family, his clan because he felt like he had to. He was doing this because he thought she was worth it. He was putting her above everything he knew.

He pushes himself up, kneeling over her on the bed. Chloe chases him, pulling herself up so she’s kneeling as well, only putting her about eye level with his chest. She puts her hands on his shoulders, bringing herself up to press her lips against the metal of his helmet. He tenses slightly under her hands, but she moves back before he gets too uncomfortable.

“I understand now.” She says, sitting back on her heels. “Besides, we don’t need them. We can be our own clan.”

***********

It’s dark out when Tusk returns to the room. Chloe is wrapped up under layers of blankets, trying to get warm. It was warm on the planet during the day, but the nights were something else. Chloe had her back to the door, not wanting to move out of the warm spot she’d created. She knew Tusk would be disappointed in her lack of awareness, of her lack of self-defense, but she was tired and finally starting to get warm.

She hears the familiar hiss of air as he removes his helmet, setting it on the desk with a clunk. A few more clunks follow, meaning he had stripped off his armor. The bed dips as he settles on it, cold air meeting her skin as he slips under the blankets. She instantly rolls back against him, seeking out his warmth. She can feel the wire netting against his chest, pulsing out warmth under the blankets. She sighs contently, her sigh being met with a purr. She smiles softly to herself, a thick arm wrapping around her stomach, pulling her tighter against the solid body behind her, mandibles twitching in her hair. She feels small like this, his sheer size evident in moments like this. She’d been close to him, closer than this. She’d seen more of him than she ever thought she would when she first woke up in his ship. They’d shared an extremely intimate moment, one she wasn’t even sure the cultural meaning of to him completely, and to be totally honest, she wouldn’t mind doing it again.

But not right now.

She’s tired, the last of the drugs he’d used to knock her out wearing off, leaving her feeling exhausted despite the fact they’d put her to sleep. Despite the unknowns, more on her part than even his, she feels safe and comfortable in his arms. She knows he’ll take care of them both. He had so far.

********

The clothes help infinitely. Chloe’s not sure where they’d come from, or how they look perfect for humans, or even how he’d gotten the right size, but they fit almost perfectly and they’re extremely warm. She could gauge enough from his silent emotion and his posture he still wasn’t comfortable with her leaving the room yet, but at least he remembered to feed her and he had tried to make her as warm as he could. It seemed aliens were more adapted to the chill of space, and so most outposts like this were colder than humans were used to. It made sense to her. It wasn’t like humans were exactly traveling out this far. They weren’t adapted to this kind of life. She was the first, and no one even knew it.

It made her feel slightly melancholy. She did miss Earth. There were things she had hated, but it was still her home. She hadn’t left much behind, but her exit had been unexpected and the reality of her situation hadn’t hit her during her blissful time on the ship. But it wasn’t like she could convince him to go back. From what she could garner, his kind visited Earth fairly consistently and so going back would be a risk. It would be easier to track them. This was her life now.

He was her life now.

*******

“What are you doing?” Chloe asks him one day. She figures they’ve been there about a week now, as far as days go on the planet.

“Fix ship.” He says, messing with something electronic on the floor of their room. Chloe couldn’t even begin to tell you what it was or what it did. “Damaged.”

“From the other ship?”

All she gets is a grunt in reply.

“Was...was it your kind...that attacked?”

He shakes his head, locks swaying back and forth. “No.”

“Oh.” Chloe looks down at her hands. “Can...can I do anything to help?”

“No.”

Chloe bites her lip, pulling her knees to her chest. She can’t help but start to feel bored. She had absolutely nothing to do. She was stuck in their room all day, every day. The only excitement she had was his coming and going and their mealtimes. She needed something to do. Some entertainment. Anything.

That’s why she decides to leave the room one day when he’s out. She knows she shouldn’t, she knows she’s entirely alien to everyone that could possibly be in the outpost. She knows it’s dangerous, but she’s tired of being cooped up and bored. So, she leaves the room when he’s out fixing the ship.

She slowly makes her way down the steps, entering the lobby of sorts. There are creatures her mind couldn’t fathom sitting around. It was more like a bar than a lobby, really. She’s utterly fascinated by the completely different world, taking in everything she can.

She’s drawn to where groups of creatures are sitting around tables, playing what looks like Craps, but she can’t discern anything else. She leans against the side of the table, watching them curiously. None of them give her more than a glance, Chloe trying to work out the rules and point of the game on next to nothing as far as information goes.

After a couple of rounds, the creature next to her sets the dice in front of her, giving her a look. She doesn't need to speak the language to understand what that look means. She’s reaching for the dice before she can really think it through, but she’s stopped when a clawed hand wraps around the back of her shirt, yanking her away from the table. Her feet slide on the floor as she’s dragged towards the stairs, Tusk’s nails cutting into the skin on the back of her neck.

He’s angry. She can hear the angry trills and growls from his chest as they move away from the lounge area and back towards their room. Her feet leave the floor as she’s quite literally tossed into the room, hitting the metal floor hard. She coughs, the wind knocked from her lungs at the impact. It jars her, but not quite as much as the seething Yautja across the room.

Chloe jumps as his helmet hits the floor with a loud thud. She’s shaking, she realizes as she props herself up on her hands, staring at the angry alien. His eyes are filled with rage, glaring yellow slits at her. His mandibles are flared wide, fists clenched.

“Ooman stay.” He growls out, pacing back and forth.

“I was bored.” Chloe tries to defend herself. “I have nothing to do.”

“Dangerous. Ooman not know.”

“You won’t tell me anything! How am I supposed to know when you won’t tell me anything?” Her voice is rising, pushing herself up to her knees. Her side is sore where she hit the floor. She knew he was strong, but she hadn’t ever pictured the strength being used against her. She had herself convinced he wouldn’t hurt her. But he was still an alien. Had she made a mistake in thinking that of him?

“Ooman stay safe. Ooman do as told.”

“You’re not the boss of me!” Chloe says, feeling childish but she’s so angry and tired she can’t help but fight back. “I didn’t ask you to take me. I didn’t ask to be with you. I didn’t ask you to leave everything behind for me. I didn’t ask you to-”

A loud roar shocks her into silence. It’s louder than she’s ever heard from him, her ears ringing at the sound. She can’t help but fall back at his roar, backing up in fear. The sound is primal, dangerous, awakening some prey instinct in her that has her making herself as small as she can in the far corner of the room.

He’s standing there, eyes wide in anger, mandibles splayed. Chloe hadn’t felt this afraid of the one she’d met on Earth. She hadn’t ever felt this afraid before.

He stops roaring, glaring at her for a moment before bending to pick up his helmet, leaving the room with a slam of the door. Chloe curls up tighter in the corner of the room, burying her face in her arms.

**********

Chloe sleeps alone on the alien planet that night. She hadn’t seen Tusk since their argument and part of her is afraid he had left her. Abandoned her on this planet in his anger. She had just been bored. She hadn’t known anything. She didn’t know anything about the galaxy or other planets or the life on them. A few weeks ago she hadn’t even known life existed outside of Earth. Of course, there had been the “sightings” and the people who were convinced, but she had always been skeptical. Skeptical until proven real. That was her mantra.

But aliens were real. She was on some distant planet Earth probably didn’t even know about yet, crying over a fight with an alien species Earth also didn't know about. It was all very real, and here she was, crying after a childish argument with a species that could probably tear her in half with his bare hands. Who was she to think she could make decisions like that. Act stupidly in a place she was totally ignorant of? She doesn’t know what she’ll do if Tusk doesn’t come back. If he really did abandon her here. She really doesn’t know.

*********

Tusk can’t sleep.

He’s staring up at the three moons in the sky from the pilot seat of his ship. He had been so afraid...so worried when he’d spotted her in the lounge at the table. He had told her to stay in the room. He had told her it wasn’t safe and she had acted like a pup and defied him.

But her face when he had roared. The...fear in her eyes.

He feels a sick twisting in his stomach as he replays the moment in his memory over and over. It was a side of him he hoped she would never have to see. A side he never wanted to direct towards her. She was fragile, small. His little ooman and he had roared at her like...like an animal. He hadn’t meant it. He was blinded by his anger. He had lost his temper like a fiery Young Blood. He wouldn’t ever hurt her. Not his little Yeyinde.

And now here he was, sulking in his ship while she was alone.

He gets up, heading back into the outpost and up to their room. It’s dark inside but he can see her, curled up in the bed. She’s asleep, her breathing soft and even. He sets his helmet quietly on the table, getting rid of most of his armor as well before climbing into the bed next to her. She doesn’t wake, but she does shift closer to him. He runs a hand down her arm, feeling the softness of her skin, how delicate it is. He can smell the dried blood on her neck from where his claws had cut into her when he’d grabbed her. He feels the twisting in his gut again, moving his head to lick at the wounds.

He purrs quietly, tongue tasting the metallic blood. She stirs slightly, letting out a quiet groan.

“Tusk?” Her voice is thick with sleep, hand rubbing at her eyes.

He lets out a louder purr, nipping softly at her shoulder. She rolls back over, settling into sleep again, Tusk wrapping himself around her tightly, holding onto her determined not to let go.

**********

Chloe wakes up warm and comfortable. Her head is moving slightly, up and down in a smooth pattern. She would have been convinced she was on a boat if the past day’s events weren’t flashing through her head.

She moves slightly, lifting her head so she can look up at him. His eyes are closed, face relaxed as he sleeps. Chloe wants to move away from him but she’s stuck to his side by the arm around her waist. Her leg is thrown over his, body pressed tight against his side. She rests her chin on his chest, fingers tracing the mottled pattern of his skin. She doesn't remember him coming back, doesn’t even remember him joining her in bed.

She can’t help but remember the day before. The anger in his eyes, the roar. She’ll always remember that roar. More so that it was directed at her. But staring at him now while he’s sleeping, it’s hard to picture him as that fearsome predator she had seen yesterday. He’s still fearsome, but there’s a softness about him in his sleep. This is the Tusk she knew.

She looks back up at his eyes, finding them open and staring at her. She had been so lost in thought she hadn’t realized he had woken up. Hadn’t felt the change in his breathing. He stares at her with his yellow eyes, all signs of anger and malice gone. Her wandering hand is almost at his jaw now, her fingers wrapping around one of his locks. He lets out a trill and suddenly she finds herself laying on top of him.

“You scared me.” She says quietly, running her fingers over his lock, feeling the texture of it. “I thought...maybe...”

A purr rumbles through his body and into hers, vibrating every inch of her. His hand is splayed on her back, the other tracing the skin on the back of her thigh. “No hurt Yeyinde.”

Chloe lowers her gaze for a moment before looking back up at him. His hand has drifted down her back, splayed out on her lower back now. She can feel his heart thumping in his chest, an unusual rhythm to what she’s used to, but it’s become comforting to her now. She wraps her hand around his lock, tugging on it lightly. His body jerks under hers, hips shifting slightly. She gets a mischievous glint in her eye, tangling a hand in his locks before tugging hard.

He lets out a roar, but this one is different than the one he’d made yesterday. She’s familiar with this roar, having heard it before. She tugs again and he’s sitting up, her body dropping the few inches into his lap. Her shirt is history, claws leaving light lines on her skin as he rids her of the fabric, hands sliding up her sides. His nails brush against her nipples, making her shiver. He does it again, her body starting to flush in response.

He leans down close to her but her hand in his locks stops him. He stares at her with a question in his eyes.

“No.” She says, tugging on his locks again, his breath fanning over her face in a huff at the motion.

She stands up on the bed, standing over him, and for a moment he wonders if she’s changed her mind, or it wasn’t what she wanted in the first place. But the moment her knee hits his chest, attempting to shove him back onto the bed he understands. Her hand yanks his head back as he grabs her leg, his other hand pushing against her back. She tugs his locks again as he flips her, easily overpowering her in this fight as she winds up on her stomach on the bed.

He’s faster than she is, somehow having removed his loincloth in the time between when she’d hit him and when she’d been flipped. His hand presses between her shoulders, her head turning so she can still breathe. Her pants are yanked down, hips being lifted and rested on something soft. She goes limp as he positions her, taking a moment to make sure she’s comfortable before his hand is between her legs.

She’s already wet, slick and warm against his fingers. A breathy moan leaves her lips as he brushes over her clit, hips jerking slightly to chase his fingers. He purrs deeply, the head of his length replacing his fingers, running it along her slit. Her blatant displays of aggression towards him, along with her hand in his locks, had pushed him over the edge, his length straining against his loincloth painfully until he had released it. He was well versed in doing this quickly, having to tame several females who had fought him for dominance in bed. But she wasn’t a Yautja female. She had given over quickly, and he had made sure to be gentle with her. She had known she wouldn’t win against him, her actions were solely to rile him up.

He’s not as gentle this time, offering her no preparation as he begins to press himself inside her. A low whine leaves her lips at the stretch, her body having forgotten already what it was like. He seemed bigger than before, her body stretching, trying to fit him in.

She’s glad the pillows are holding her hips up, her legs already shaking by the time he’s seated as far as he can go. His own breathing is labored, mandibles flared at the sensation of her tight, wet heat. He begins to move his hips, fighting the resistance of her body as he pumps himself in and out of her. She’s slowly relaxing, hands gripping the blankets on the bed, the most endearing sounds leaving her lips.

He snaps his hips into hers, her body jerking in response. Her eyes roll closed, a high pitched moan leaving her lips. His mandibles click together in a laugh, repeating the action. She tightens around him even more, a deep growl leaving him in response. He picks up speed quickly, thrusting in and out of her hard. He folds his body over hers, hands resting near her head as he mates her the Yautja way. The sound is wet, along with skin slapping skin and their moans and growls.

He leans down, shifting his hips slightly as his mandibles trace along her face, tongue tasting the sweat on her skin. She grips the blankets tighter, squeezing impossibly tight around him, ooman words spilling from her lips before she goes silent for a moment. A long, keening whine leaves her then, eyelashes fluttering. She’s squeezing him, fluttering around him. He growls, hands gripping her hips as he picks up speed even more, thrusting harder and harder into her.

His hips still, head rearing back as he lets out a roar, length pulsing as he releases inside of her. Pleasure tingles through him, traveling along his spine into his stomach and through his length. His little ooman is whimpering at the sensation, legs trembling still from her own release.

He pulls out of her, sitting back and watching as their mixed fluids drip from inside of her. He leans down close to her, letting his tongue run the length of her slit. Her hips jerk in response, her back arching slightly. She’s tangy on his tongue, mixed with his musky flavor. He finds he likes the taste, pressing back in for more.

**********

Chloe can barely leave the bed for a week. She had complained about being bored and having nothing to do, but she hadn’t quite had this in mind when she had said that. Tusk had become relentless, every moment he wasn’t fixing the ship, feeding her, or sleeping he was between her legs. He let her take the lead sometimes, but others he was ruthlessly fucking into her, leaving her with bruises and scratches. She can’t exactly complain, though. For all of their differences, he at least knew how to be a decent lover. She’d lost count of the time she’d cum from him.

But thankfully he seems to be slowing down, spending more and more time fixing the ship, meaning it was close to being done. Perhaps that meant they would be leaving soon. Where they were going to go, however, she hadn’t gotten an answer. Perhaps because Tusk didn’t know either.

She’s also thankful he’s gone more because she’s started to feel sick. She was eating less, none of the foods he brought seeming to be appetizing to her anymore. She had managed to stomach most of them before, but it seemed like she had lost all taste from them. Her mind comes back to the stories she’d read about alien diseases, bacteria and microscopic lifeforms brought back from space destroying humanity. Could she have gotten some sort of space parasite suddenly? Had that been why he’d been so adamant about her staying in the room?

Chloe rests her head on the edge of the toilet seat, or what she calls the toilet seat, wiping some of the sweat from her brow. She’d puked up breakfast again, thankfully Tusk gone from the room so he wouldn’t be worried. She felt fine otherwise, just nauseous and tired.

She washes her hands, splashing water on her face before going back to the room. She’s barely sat on the bed when Tusk comes into the room, leaving the door open for a change.

“Come. We leave now.”

“Now?” Chloe asks, watching Tusk grab the few things they had accumulated during their stay.

“Yes. We go now.”

Before she knows it she’s back on the ship, tucked safely in Tusk’s bed as he takes off. Her stomach lurches as they leave the planet, threatening to bring up the nonexistent food left. She lays there, thinking for a moment when it suddenly hits her. Her stomach drops as the ship rocks as they leave the atmosphere, eyes wide as she calculates the numbers in her head. She didn’t know exactly, but from what she could figure out, it had to be true.

She rises out of bed, making her way from his room towards the control deck. She doesn't get that far, however, Tusk meeting her halfway.

“Yeyinde.” He says, pausing mid-step.

“Tusk, I need to talk to you. I want to know where we’re going.”

“Somewhere safe.” He says, moving past her.

“Tusk, please, tell me.” She turns to him, watching him go with a sigh. “Tarei’hsan.”

He stops at her attempted pronunciation of his real name. He turns slowly to face her, shoulders tensed. She approaches him, staring up at his face through the helmet.

“Tusk, I’m...” She bites her lip. She’s not sure if the word will translate correctly or even have a meaning to him. So instead she grabs his hand, putting it over her stomach. “Pup.”

He stares down at his hand for a long time, her small one covering his where it’s resting over her stomach. He rapidly switches through signatures on his helmet, finding the small zygote resting in her body every time. It’s faint and barely there, but he can see it.

**********

EPILOGUE: 40 years later

Chloe steps out of the hut as the ship lands in the clearing. The other members of their clan, cast outs and loners like them stepping out as well. They had been gone for weeks now, something Chloe had gotten used to after Naugui was born. Tusk had been adamant about raising him the Yautja way. Chloe had no problem with that, after all, Naugui took after his father in every way. An outsider would have questioned whether he was Chloe’s son, but he knew, and so did his parents. Chloe had nearly died birthing him herself, and it was something she would never forget.

She pulls her greying hair back, tying it up from her face as Naugui and Tusk step out of the ship. Tusk had managed to keep himself connected to other Yautja clans without them knowing, secretly spying on them since he left. There had been talk recently, worrying talk. There had been word of an invasion on Earth spreading through some of the clans. Tusk and Naugui had gone to see if it was true.

Chloe can tell by their body language when they approach her what the answer is.

“What do we do?” Chloe asks, wrapping her arms around Naugui.

“We can do nothing,” Tusk says, cupping her face.

“Earth was my home once. To think it could be gone...wiped out...” She chews on her lip, Naugui pulling away from her slightly.

“The armor.” He says, looking to Tusk. “If it can get to Earth...”

“No.” Tusk says. “It’s too risky.”

“They need a chance to defend themselves. Oomans are part of me. If I can give them a chance, I will take it.”

Tusk lets out a breath Chloe understands the meaning of. She turns back to her son, wrapping her arms around him tightly. She knows the risk well. She’d heard first hand the whispers. Being the clan leader’s wife she knew everything he did. If Naugui did this, there was a strong chance he would not be coming back. But that was the Yautja way. It was a risk they took on every hunt. A fear they faced unflinchingly.

“Do your best, son,” Chloe says, cupping his cheek through his helmet.

He leans forward, resting his forehead against hers for a moment before standing up straight. Chloe watches him walk to the ship, leaning against Tusks’ side, ruminating on the fact this could be the last time she sees her son.

#sacred part 2 #i finally wrote it #yautja #predator #predator x human #yautja x human #preadtor x reader #yautja x reader #preadtor x oc #yautja x oc #violence #space adventures #the ending is a reference #who can get it #well see

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revengeisourlullaby · 3 years

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Hi I just read “everything happens for a reason” (loved it btw) I was wondering if you could make a sequel to it? Y/N is still try to get over her break up with Thor and Loki reassures her that she is more than enough for him. It would be more vanilla though. (Sorry that this is so long🥺)

it’s not long at all, don’t worry! i was actually contemplating about making a sequel to it. so i already have smth in the works! i’ll have it done probably by the end of the week :))

edit: I’m so sorry for this being so late!! I know I said a week and then my life went up in chaos. Forgive me for my untimely posting. Regardless, here is the sequel to the Loki fic, Everything Happens For a Reason. Hope you enjoy!

Warnings: None. Just fluffy Loki

Loki x female!reader

Word count: 2.3K

You awoke to the pitter-patter of the New York rain falling against the window yet again. You thought the worst of it happened yesterday while you were running away from your problems. Speaking of problems, the last thing you wanted was to go back home. Even though it wouldn’t be until later this evening, you felt that your apartment was forever tainted with the betrayal you witnessed. Going back in there would be like playing a broken record. Forever stuck in the limbo of what was.

Rubbing the sleep from your eyes you rolled over to feel for Loki, but instead, you were met with room temperature sheets, another body vacant from the bed. Your stomach sank. Had Loki lied? It wouldn’t be beside him but with you, he was so transparent. It felt like cigarettes were being put out all over your skin, your nerves were fired up in all the wrong ways. You sat up in the bed and pulled the sheets up to your chest along with your knees. You felt your body become lethargic.

Am I worth anything to anybody? Am I really that disposable?

Hot, stinging tears began to fall from your eyes. Self-doubt and deprecating thoughts filling your brain. Perpetual questions of wondering your worth not only in romantic fashion but just in life came to be the spearhead of your worries. Everything felt intrusive and counterfeit. Maybe he saw you as easy and knew you would give up easily to him in your state of vulnerability. You just wanted somebody to be appreciative of you.

Maybe he and his brother weren’t cut from that different of a cloth. Sliding out of the bed you went to put on your clothes from the night before in hopes of getting out of the hotel without too much trouble. But when you bent over to pick your jeans up from the floor they were damp and cold and it made you feel even worse. Your hoodie was in a similar condition and to top it off, you couldn’t find your underwear to save your life. You groaned out loud and felt trapped in this opulent room and everywhere you looked was a painful reminder of everything bitter and vile.

You climbed back in bed and decided to just wait for your clothes to finish drying up. Unsure of when that would be because the rain outside was creating a thin layer of humidity in the room. Sighing you curled into the fetal position and held onto an extra pillow hoping that it would provide you with some semblance of comfort. Your tears started up again and there was a pain beginning to build in your stomach. You wanted to scream. You wanted to release yourself of all the negative energy that was boiling within you. Clutching the extra pillow to your face you let out a wail that you had been holding in for far too long. All the pent-up energy from yesterday of trying to hold your own against the perfidy Thor presented you with and now you were struggling with the concept of Loki using you and your vulnerability for a cheap fuck. You were curled up in a hotel room, naked and crying about everything. You felt pathetic. You just wanted to sleep forever.

With the last sniffle leaving your body you took a deep breath and shuddered into your body. Your breathing labored and shallow, you tried to calm yourself down in hopes of falling back asleep. But those hopes were dilapidated when you heard the hotel room door click open. You thought about faking sleep but the idea of faking anything took up too much space to even think about carrying out. So you opted to just lie still and wait for anything to be said to you. Maybe it was just one of the housekeeping people and they would leave upon seeing someone still in the room.

“Y/N, you up yet?”

Housekeeping would’ve been too easy wouldn’t it?

Sighing you meekly responded to Loki, tears and sorrow welling up in your eyes and throat once more.

“Yeah, been up for a little while.”

He caught on to it immediately. Your position in the bed, the lack of tone in your voice. He knew he should’ve waited but he thought a surprise of something would lift your spirits even more. Time was simply not on his side and you arose long before he anticipated. Making his best judgment at the situation he was debating which road of sentiment he should walk down. He didn’t want to make things worse for you.

Loki set down a bag, the crinkling catching your attention and you looked over your shoulder to see where he was.

He went to get food? He hadn’t skipped at all?

“Surprise.”

Instantly you were filled with regret, upset with yourself for jumping to conclusions about the situation at hand. You couldn’t help it though, your ability to have trust within someone else was smeared, and regardless of Loki’s reassuring words the night prior, the pain had yet to subside. Upon seeing your face, Loki saw the residual puffiness in your face and how the tip of your nose was heated and slightly swollen from your crying before he walked in.

“I’m sorry, Loki.”

Was all you could muster, wordwise. You sat yourself up in the bed and wiped the residue of tears from your face trying to make yourself appear as normal as possible. Wrapping the sheet tightly around you, you finally faced him. Loki stepping lightly to the edge of the bed.

“Did you think I left...for good?”

You rolled your heads towards him, cynicism clear on your face. A bit of sarcasm was thrown into the mix but it was all a guise to somewhat shield him from the pain and embarrassment you were feeling. Looking at the wall in front of you, a dry response left your lips.

“Yes. What else was I supposed to think? My mind was running through all the possible reasons as to why you left. And the one that kept nagging was the idea that my vulnerability yesterday was used to an advantage other than my own.”

Sadness no longer colored your emotions but rather numbness. You weren’t sure what to feel. You wanted to trust Loki and you believed that you could but time was definitely needed. With another sigh, you continued.

“And then you walk in here with bags of stuff and I look like a fool for being so dramatic in nature.”

“Well that’s nothing new for us now is it?”

Loki’s quip back at you had your eyes narrowing into thin slits but again was quickly washed away because something about him made the circumstances seem not so perilous. You bowed your head, feeling that you had said enough. In place, Loki’s voice filled the silence.

“My intention was for you to still be asleep by the time I returned. You seemed so peaceful. The last thing I wanted was to wake you from that state of rest. I figured I’d be back in time to properly surprise you with some gifts.”

You smiled a bit, feeling the angst start to fade away, but quickly to feel it fade into guilt. But you weren’t allowed to stew in it for too long, for Loki standing up from the bed caught your attention distracting you from your thoughts.

“Before it gets cold, I got us some breakfast. And..”

His sentence trailing off into a strain as he bent over to the side of the desk in the front of a room to pull out yet another bag.

“I picked you up some clothes to wear for today. Figured wearing the ones from this past evening was morally and aesthetically dull and trudging back to your apartment would be in poor judgment. It’s not much but enough for the day and for our date this evening.”

Your eyebrows shot up into your hairline completely forgetting about what you agreed to with Loki during your session of pillow talk while you were drifting in and out of sleep.

He really meant that? Wow, okay.”

“Oh come now, you hadn’t forgotten already had you?”

Loki was mocking you now. Fully aware that by your initial reaction you had forgotten.

“Look, in my defense, I was drifting off to sleep.”

“Mhmm, sure Y/N.”

Setting the bag in between the two of you on the bed, Loki looked at you, eyes urging you to dig in the bag.

“You happen to have another shirt I can throw on before I start eating? My hoodie is still damp and-”

Loki reached into the bag full of clothes and pulled out an oversized graphic tee cutting your sentence off and holding it out in front of your face.

“Thank you.”

You were genuinely surprised and grateful. It was such a simple act but the fact that Loki went out of his way to get you clothes and food following a night of such intensity made you feel warm and finally appreciated. Something you hadn’t felt with previous relationships, especially with your last. Taking the shirt from him, you looked for the tag and pulled it out with your teeth.

“Animal.”

Loki side-eyed you, his comment made obviously in somewhat of jest. You chuckled and wormed your way into the shirt. Once pulling it over your head you finally dug into the paper bag that was still surprisingly warm despite the time that had gone by. The smell of a breakfast sandwich filling your nose and your stomach growled in response, eager to be fed. Loki made a sarcastic remark but you couldn’t be bothered with responding the second you placed the sandwich to your lips.

The satisfaction of the food also gnawing away the ritual morning agitation you were always burdened with. Nothing but soft smacks and soft moans of enjoying your food filled the space. A sign that obviously, the food was worthwhile. Loki had looked at you eyebrow raised and chuckled to himself watching you be completely lost in the sandwich.

“If I would’ve known you’d be tearing the sandwich up like that I would’ve purchased three.”

Your eyes rolled and simultaneously you were thinking about how he got all this stuff in the first place. Mouth still full with food, your speech a little muffled.

“Speaking of purchase, how’d you buy all this anyway.”

“Mischief always finds its way, darling.”

“I think the word is pronounced thievery, Loki.”

“Same difference.”

It’s almost as if all the trauma that you suffered through yesterday had never happened. Being with Loki and the playful banter that was his character made everything feel at ease. You felt happy, actually and most importantly you didn’t feel guilty for it. Was the timing a little brisk? Perhaps, but in the end, what really mattered was your happiness and right now it felt that you had found it.

Finishing up with your sandwich you balled up the wrapping and threw it back into the bag. Standing up from the bed you excused yourself to go to the bathroom. Turning on the light you saw a plethora of toiletry products that you hadn’t brought. A toothbrush, toothpaste, body wash, lotion, a few makeup products that you knew were picked up in pure confusion, and some leave in for your hair. Your eyes widened and you let out a belly laugh.

“Jesus Loki, did you raid the fuckin Walgreens on the corner.”

“Hey if you don’t want it, with the flick of my wrist it will vanish. Choose your next words wisely.”

You knew he was playing and you decided one last epigram would satisfy your bratty nature. Peeking your head out from the bathroom, you bowed in a dramatic courtesy.

“Thank you my king for so valiantly stealing all the toiletries from our nearest corner store. My gratitude is eternal. Like that?”

“You’re impossible.”

Walking back to Loki, you stood between his legs and raked your fingers through his slicked-back hair. A softness took over your features, appearing small and doe-like to Loki as he looked up at you.

“Thank you, Loki, really. I know we bust each other’s balls but I really appreciate you. I can already foresee how tightly I’m going to be wrapped around your finger. You already have me falling for you at a speed that is impractical to calculate.”

“My Y/N.”

Hearing the adoration layered in his tone made your heart warm and the possession of your name falling from his mouth made your body shiver. Realizing how quickly you could get used to this.

“Now you’ll finally see what it’s like to be on the receiving end. Ever since we stumbled upon each other I was enamored with you. I couldn’t bear to see you with another and that another being none other than my brother was like a fiery blade that I had no power of removing. When I fell for you I knew I was irrevocably destined to be yours. Regardless of the circumstance. And now, if you are willing to take my hand in this journey I would like to make you mine.”

You pressed your lips together in a firm smile before showing your teeth, feeling overwhelmed with reverence for the man in front of you.

“I’d be more than happy to accompany you. Even more so for this evening.”

Loki lightly smiled and then leaned up to press a gentle kiss to your lips. The air light and emanating the tender yet sardonic romance that was beginning to brew between your long-lost lover.

#loki #loki imagine #loki fluff #Loki Laufeyson #loki x reader #Loki Laufeyson x Reader #loki laufeyson fluff #marvel fluff #marvel imagine #marvel x reader #loki fanfic #marvel fanfic

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blushing-starker · 3 years

Text

For my Gracie dear. What would I do without you in my life? Merry Christmas darling. @vaguekiwi

"Well, you wouldn't really be in this position if you had accepted my proposal, baby cheeks. In fact, I'm practically drooling over the thought of you saying fuck it and coming to visit with a few surprises beneath that second skin you're rocking." Two sentences, two very different tones of voice, both trying to coax him in. Reprimand and flirt, the only possible courses of action for Wade when it came to them.

"So I guess it's true what they say; chivalry died when you were born, Wade. Every single conversation between us is proof and the world knows it." He grinned as soon as he heard the exaggerated gasps over the landline, always loved these tennis matches with his partner in crime.

Sure, the 'red devil' of Cliffwood often threaded barely subtle, often outlandish innuendos into their interactions and never denied the neighborhood a chance of seeing him draped over Peter, but it was, God forgive him, fun. Exciting and a little thrilling.

And also past their bedtime. So to speak. "I gotta go and I know Wanda likes to cook late. Go help her in the kitchen, Mr Gifted Hands. Vision might give me an A in the next exam if I told him I encouraged you to make his favorite lasagna." It won't happen, obviously. The Maximoffs, because Vision had adopted the name on his second date with Wanda long before their wedding, were usually chaotic neutrals that tried sticking to the right side of the law. Hopefully, Mr Maximoffs' morality would at least allow the man to add a five point bonus on Peter's next physics test.

"Oh, you finally admit my hands are gifted, Mr Parker? How forward of you." If there was one thing that he loved about being friends with the incorrigible Wade Wilson, it was how the man oozed sex like it was nothing. His surety in it, in flirting, in courting and joking made Peter feel at ease. Most people, even those like Mr Rogers with his slightly conservative views, enjoyed Wade's antics because they were harmless.

Most of the time. The guy had slept with two thirds of the town, after all.

"I'm not sleeping with you, Wade. What would Vanessa say of-"

"Please, the woman basically throws me at people in the hopes of watching me sleep with them."

"you being with me before her?"

"..."

Peter squinted at a shiny red nail, worried he'd somehow messed up Morgan's job of decorating him in the Christmas spirit. The lamp next to the couch is a tad dimmer than usual, right, he has to swap the bulbs. He'd completely forgotten in the midst of playing with Morgan and Rocky, baking them brownies, battling the upstairs shower mold, decluttering the toy boxes and throwing something semi appealing for dinner. There was a spare light in the, was it the garage? No, his memory had been reduced to physics laws and the kids' allergies, but Peter's sure he would have noticed. Maybe Morgan had hidden them in the office, Rocky liked chewing on light bulbs so it's not too unlikely

"Shit, Parker, now I'm thinking about that, Jesus. Christ on a bicycle! Hmm? It's nothing, Wanda, just Peter being a brat and a tease."

"Hey, I'm not a brat!"

"Says you. I bet a certain member of the awesome facial hair club could evidence the opposite. Actually, I'll go right over and ask, hey!" The sound of Wade distinctly face planting onto the Maximoffs couch sent Peter into enough hysterics he could barely make out what Wanda was saying.

"I sincerely apologize for the little devil-"

"I'm almost two heads taller than you!"

"that can't seem to mind his manners no matter how many times we try to teach him how to be human."

"It's," God, he's wheezing like a freshman first day of gym with Coulson, "perfectly alright, Miss. I'm the one that should say sorry for keeping him up so late, I know he has chores to do around the house. Lovely Christmas lights, by the way. I think you guys might win the competition again this year."

There's a tiny worm of guilt crawling up his throat; how could he distract Wade when Wanda had her hands full with an energetic baby ready to sprint out of the house at any moment?

"Oh sweet Peter," she drawls out the vowels, like they're honey and she's trying her best to stretch them out, savour them, "you really think so? I thought the yard looked perfect, but Vision insisted on decorating the roof to 'ensure our win against my dear brother in law'. And please, a happy Wade that's finished his teasing for the day is wonderful for us. He cleans faster and doesn't kiss my cheeks as much."

"Wait, you did the roof?" He knew the Maximoff siblings were intense, had witnessed Pietro stabbing flamingos into Clint's lawn just to add some color to his already bright remodeling a weeks ago.

"You haven't seen it? Tell Morguna's father to take you outside to see it while the kids are watching television. That way you can go back with an excuse if you get too nervous with him."

Peter spluttered, ignored the fact his cheeks were flaming, pretended he couldn't hear Wade's howling through the phone. "I don't, I wouldn't, it's not like, I mean. The, the kids will probably sleep early tonight."

"Perfect, you won't have an excuse and he'll finally kiss you. Oh, Vision. Hello, dear, I'm saying goodbye to Peter. That idiot might kiss him tonight."

"Hello? Hello, Peter. I'm very happy for you both; but may I request you kiss after midnight? I'm afraid I made a substantial bet regarding that kiss and was hoping to get Clint back over Banner and Natasha."

Great, he'd died and entered a hell where the only thing he could do was stutter and flush crimson. Typical Parker luck, really.

"SurebyeMrandMrsMaximofflaterWade."

He slammed the phone back on its pedestal, dove into the leather couch and screamed until his throat ached.

--------

"Daddy? Peter, daddy's here! Don't let him go to our room until we're done with the Christmas card, please!" He yanked his head from under the cushions, scrambled to the door, tripped over Morgan's race car, narrowly avoided the destruction of Rocky's Lego chop shop, hastily stashed a pink apron in the drawers by the door, failed to straighten his sweater (a gift from the kids' grandmother) and took all of ten seconds to fix his hair before opening the door. In the exact moment the owner of the house leaned against it to enter.

There's a second where realization kicked in, worry is splashed over both their faces, he darted forward to help so the man's heart didn't shut down on them right then, said man wanted to preserve such a young, healthy body; they tried to control the damage.

They failed. Spectacularly. Crashed into each other, somehow elbows and knees sunk into bad spots, bone snapped, ligaments wept in pain, a chest became winded, one of them got a black eye and the other a constricted throat. This was, of course, before it started raining and two idiots got drenched while piled up on the front door.

Peter gasped, wasn't sure whether it was better to lie under his dream, his wet fantasy, his goal in life or allow his brain some oxygen.

To be fair, this would only happen the once. He could breathe for the rest of his lonely life.

"Uh, welcome home, Mr Stark. How was work to, today, sir, that's not my thigh." Wade would know. Jesus, Wade would find out Mr Stark touched his dick for the first time and it wasn't even on purpose.

"Kid, I'm so sorry. Here I was wondering if I could give you your Christmas gift without ruining the box and now look at me. Peter, you don't have to come back to work if you don't want to-"

"Wait, you got me a gift, Mr Stark?"

"I will pay you for this whole month, obviously." The man shuffled back, attempted to shakily stand up like a foal and immediately slid down onto the sleek young man.

"Not come back to? Mr, ow, Tony, I'm not going anywhere. Not on Christmas, not ever. Look at me." Don't look at what's between my legs, Peter prayed, don't look at how you are between my legs, don't look.

Tony Stark glanced down, inhaled sharply and snapped his gaze to the au pair's. He may have leaned against what he hoped was his Christmas gift. Maybe.

"I'm not leaving, Mr Stark." The rain kept drizzling into the house, his throat continued to ache, the distance between their two bodies remained the same. But there was something in Mr Stark's eyes now, yes indeed, something Peter had resolutely ignored for the past six months while working with the sweetest family he'd ever known. It was the same something Wade yelled about when talking about his best friend's employer's face as it regarded the au pair.

"I think Wade might kill me if -"

"Rhode's is gonna choke me out if-"

"Are you two gonna kiss or not?"

They risked whiplash to peer right at, or, in Peter's position, upside down at Morgan and Rocky who unflinchingly stared at the ridiculous site their fathers made. Rocky even shook his head the way Tony did when he was disappointed. Little Morgan criss crossed her arms and Peter thought he'd sob because that's just how he taught her.

"We were going to put mistletoe on the door when you came in; we finished the holiday card months ago so that was the one thing left on the to do list."

"Months ago? I helped you two make one last week!"

"Oh yeah, how were you going to hang up mistletoe, daughter mine? There's no nail." A soft thwump over the doorway. It seemed Clint had given Morgan her own bow. And she knew how to use it.

They collected their courage, scraps of reduced pride, some drool and a tiny drop of sweat before turning to the man they'd been waiting for for so long.

"Mr Parker, will you do me the honor of bestowing a kiss upon an old man with creaking bones and heating hair?"

Oh. Oh, this was happening.

"I love your hair and I'll get you a walker that has a cup holder for water and a few pain pills. Mr Stark, will you kiss a kid from Queens who's so into you the red devil of Cliffwood himself doesn't dare sleep with either of us and get in the way?"

"Well, first of all. A walker, really, am I that old. Second, nice call on the pain pills, very good save on the hair. And please. He'd never get in the way of us two-"

"Great, are you gonna kiss me?"

"Why, Mr Parker. Don't mind if I do." It was a soft statement he would otherwise confuse as a plea.

"Fucking finally." That was a bit more of a pained gasp instead of a sigh of relief, but Morgan and Rocky were doing enough sighing for the both of them afterwards.

Afterwards though, when the blood is finally distributed to the right places

"Yeah, I think I broke my wrist and you should get that throat checked. I'll get the car."

"Tony, it's the fifties. I can get the car while you call Bucky to look over the kids. Anyone talks to me and they'll think you had something to do with my throat."

"That is a fantastic idea, sweetheart. Save it for later, maybe raincheck?"

"Get the car, Tony."

"Yep. Come on, you rascals. Help an old man out."

----------

Wade can't look at Tony without howling, mutters something about a limp wrist while Vanessa sighs and apologizes, compliments Peter on surviving life with a ridiculous best friend by his side. He says it's ok. Wade's his go to guy for whenever Peter has to get his head in the game and his lips on Tony's.

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occasionalrpmemes · 3 years

Text

Will Wood: the Normal Album Sentence Starters

lines taken from the 2020 album. edit as desired. tw: violence, disordered eating, gender dysphoria, mental illness, substance abuse, suicidal ideation, death

01. Suburbia Overture: Greetings from Mary Bell Township! / (Vampire) Culture / Love Me, Normally

“Trick or treat. Merry Christmas.”

“Howdy neighbor!”

“Thank you Jesus!”

“It don’t look like survival, but buy now or die.”

“You’re not alone.”

“The lights are on, but no one’s home.”

“Takes a village to fake a whole culture.”

“Home is where the heart is- You ain’t homeless, but you’re heartless.”

“It’s the safest on the market.”

“You still gotta watch where you park it.”

“Give me your half-life crisis.”

“I can tell that you know where paradise is.”

“Parasites don’t care what your blood type is.”

“A snowflake only matters in a blizzard.”

“Everyone knows that nobody knows that.”

“Well, word gets around on hit number stations.”

“Smile and wave, boys, kiss the cook, live laugh and love, please pass the pills.”

“It’s only culture. It’s only culture. It’s only culture.”

“Didn’t they want your blood?”

“Why apologize when you turn blue and cold?

“Hey, fuck your culture.”

“Do you know the difference between blazing trails and slash-and-burn?”

“Hey, you’re only mortal.”

02. 2econd 2ight 2eer (well, that was fun, goodbye)

“The devil made me do it, but I also kinda wanted to.”

“Forget bored stiff, I got rigor mortis.”

“My third eye’s open and I like what I see.”

“If you knew what I knew, if you saw what I see- ”

“But I got facts and I’m not afraid to use ‘em.”

“I’m getting better one forever at a time.”

“If sick is defined by what’s different, well then pull the plug out and let me die.”

”Who I am, I choose through all the things I do.”

“If it rhymes, it’s true, but I hate poetry.”

“Well that was fun, goodbye.”

03. Laplace’s Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!)

“Have you ever died in a nightmare? Woke up surprised you hadn’t earned your fate?”

“Have you ever felt like Atlas, threw your back out on the axis, and collapsed and threw the planet away?”

“Nobody dies agnostic.”

“Nobody dies agnostic, but we still dial 9-1-1.”

“Am I really that bad?”

“Whatever you think of me, if you were in my shoes, you’d walk the same damn miles I do.”

“With my head up in the clouds, I can see so much ground.”

“From up here, you look like ants in a row.”

“It doesn’t take a killer to murder. It only takes the reason to kill.”

“The difference twixt fate and free will is whether you’re singing.”

“You wash your hands of where you’ve been until you flood the second floor. Neatly fold your skeletons, but still can’t shut the closet door.”

“The only ones in need of love are those who don’t receive enough.”

“You could break an angel’s fall, and ignore the Devil’s call.”

“It’s a small hell after all.”

“Man, no more than animal, is made of moral chemicals.”

“If you were in my shoes, you’d see I wear the same size as you.”

04. I / Me / Myself

“I’ve been feeling lightheaded since I lost enough weight to fit back in my skin.”

“Am I pretty now?”

“For some reason, I find myself lost in what you think of me.”

“I wish I could be a girl, and that way you’d wish I could be your girlfriend, boyfriend.”

“Am I pretty enough to lie to?”

“Just little old me in a big, big world.”

“I’ve been feeling lighthearted since I gained enough weight back to cover my bones.”

“You’ll be walking out early, but the show must go on.”

“No, I know that I’m wrong. But I love how you’re on my side when I cross that line.”

“It’s been a point of contention between myself and this body that they stuck me in.”

“The privilege of being born to be a man.”

”I am quantum physics; my witness brings me into existence.”

”Am I pretty enough to love back?”

“Am I pretty enough to fucking die?”

“I wish-”

“Don’t you think that there’s a chance that you could live without it?”

05. ...well, better than the alternative

“My daughter’s growing up. She’s gonna be a lot like me, but I don’t wanna be at all like me.”

“I don’t wanna be at all like me.”

“You’re telling me I’m holding up eleven fingers.”

“Stranger things than death can happen.”

“Everybody knows that nobody knows that.”

“Everybody’s in on everybody’s business.”

“This isn’t my first Christmas, I know mistletoe when I see it.”

“Baby, could you play along with me?”

“Baby, would that be alright with you?”

“When we find out what’s wrong with me, could you tell me how I’m right for you?”

“Could you tell me how I’m right for you?”

“Could you tell me if I’m still pretty?”

“If they could see the future back when times were simple...”

“If everyone’s sick, well then, nobody can catch it.”

“Everybody’s all up in my god damn business.”

“This isn’t my first kiss.”

“It’s better to be lost than loved, now, isn’t it?”

“Everybody’s all up in my motherfucking business!”

“This isn’t my first anything.”

“After all of that’s been done to me, could you tell me how, could you tell me how, could you tell me—”

“What’s so wrong about what’s wrong with me?”

“I’m just trying to do what’s right by you!”

06. Outliars and Hyppocrates: a fun fact about apples

“Did you know that the hole in the apple didn’t come from the outside in? It was eaten from the core and out to the skin, and that’s why you’ll never find the worm in it.”

“The disease is defined by its treatment.”

“You people make me sick.”

“Who’d want to be human anyway?”

“Why’d you come into this world or come out that way?”

“Isn’t it funny? Well, not "ha-ha" funny, but y’know, funny.”

“I doubt that you would even if you could change.”

“You think it makes you special, but it makes you strange.”

“The things that make you special are the things that make you strange.”

“I am the shadows cast aside by gallows, and you the red-hot sky.”

“And if you’re believers, then why would you grieve for the dead, instead of a devil that you never prayed for?”

“Too weird to love, too scared to die. Too alien to take you home.”

“Who’d want to belong to anyone?”

“I mean, what do people even do?”

“If you love me, let me let you go.”

“Five more minutes, please? You wouldn’t believe the dream I just had.”

07. Black Box Warrior - OKULTRA

“Bless the torpedoes!”

“For what? For what??”

“For what it’s worth, if it was going to kill you, boy, it would have by now.”

“There’s no more looking back, it’s looking up or looking down.”

“Wonder if Christ-Consciousness would charge a cancellation fee.”

“Auf wiedersehn! Au revoir!”

“Hello, welcome. Why don’t you take a seat? Get comfortable, relax, take a second if you need to.”

“Now, what’s bothering you?”

“Well, why don’t we start at the beginning?”

“Growing up, how was your relationship with the fundamentals of conscious existence?”

“Did you die before your day?”

“You got a better idea? It’s about the best we could come up with.”

“What, you think ideas spread because they’re good? No, they spread because people like them.”

“So here we are once again. Holding, as it were, a mirror up to your mirror.”

“I guess it’s just something people do!”

“You learn to be an animal instead.”

“I never did think you better than this.”

“It’s you who are the problem. Not the things you do, but something sick inside.”

“Boy, you really is defective.”

“Offer up your innocence, please ignore the side effects.”

“You’ve lost your mind and almost lost your life before, so you’ll be fine!”

“Why would you want to look back? I mean, it’s no good looking back. So try to look forward now.”

“For what it’s worth, if they were gonna get you boy, they would have by now.”

08. Marsha, Thankk You for the Dialectics, but I Need You to Leave.

“They could prescribe you any illness you’d like if you define the terms of your ailments.”

“A crow don’t know the smell of carbon monoxide.”

“How many years have you been on that couch?”

“Your draw a line in the sand where it ends and you begin, but the tide rolls in, so who knows?”

“A little identity never hurt nobody, but lately you’ve been focusing too much on yourself.”

“How many milligrams of you are still left in there?”

“Back in my day, we didn’t need no feel-good pills and no psychiatrists. We just drank ourselves to death. And god damn it, we liked it!”

“What’s a symptom, what’s a flaw, can it be both?”

“Well, I suppose that’s an answer.”

“Would you give up your humanity for just a touch of sanity?”

“They’ve discovered a cure for the symptoms of being alive. It’s a painless procedure with a low rate of failure, but very few patients survive.”

“And a little conformity never hurt nobody, but lately I’ve been worried that you’re losing yourself.”

“What’s my prognosis?”

“Disease is in the eye of the beholder.”

“Tell me ‘so it goes.’”

“Better safe than sorry, and we both know the danger.”

“So doctor, could you run another test?”

“If our harmonies don’t sync, we can change our voices.”

“Don’t heed no evil wills of moral nihilists.”

“Don’t you make me waste my breath.”

“GOD DAMN IT!”

“Does aspirin kill you with the pain?“

“You’re not your thoughts, you’re not your brain, you’re just the character you’ve made.”

“What seem like separate body parts come together to believe they’re you, and not just chemistry.”

“It’s not the way that you were raised, or what the advertisements say.”

“It’s not what you pay for, what you pray for, what you want, or what you say.”

“Something tells me that you need, forgive me now if I misspeak--”

“Something tells me you prefer to be sitting there flipping through those old issues of People.”

“Well, that’s our time. See you next week.”

09. Love, Me Normally

“In lipstick on the mirror are the lyrics to my obituary.”

“Crossing my eyes, dot my T’s.”

“I was delivered holding scissors.”

“I live deliberately, I’m a quitter.”

“I never agreed to participate in this game.”

“Won’t follow my dreams, cause they all got me waking up screaming.”

“I’d rather be normal. Yes, so normal.”

“I suggest that we keep this informal.”

“A normal human being wouldn’t need to pretend to be normal.”

“Well, I guess that’s the least that I owe ya.”

“C’mon, c’mon, and love me normally.”

“If I could live in third person, well, I don’t think life would be much worse than it is.”

“Is it courageous or escapist to leave the quarantine when you’re contagious?”

“It may just be a cold. And besides, I don’t wanna get old.”

“I drank myself to death to be the afterlife of the party.”

“When the afterparty came, I was rolling in my grave.”

“Now, this is the part of the song where I talk to my audience.”

“There’s something I want from you hepcats tonight.”

“I want you to look to your left. Look to your right. Your twelve o’clock, three o’clock, six o’clock, nine o’clock, rock around the clock tonight–”

“I want you to find those points of no return, those singularities, those burning rings of fire in the beautiful pupils and the beautiful eyes of the beautiful boy, girl, neither, both, or in-between that you brought with you tonight. And I want you to tell ’em how you really feel!”

“Jam that square peg in the round hole in their hearts!”

“You love them exactly the way that everybody else is.”

“I was nothing before, so I couldn’t have asked to be born. I’ll be nothing again, so what am I between now and then?”

“Is there nothing to fear? Cause shit’s getting weird.”

“So to God who made this man: you better have one hell of a plan.”

10. Memento Mori: the most important thing

“If you’re lucky you’ll be surrounded by the ones that you love, when the lights in your eyes fade and life flashes by.

“One day you’re going to die.”

“Heaven, hell, nirvana, nothing, no one knows how it ends.”

“Rest in peace— or pieces.”

“Read your horoscopes, your palms and tarot cards. But either way your destination ain’t very far.”

“You could drown, or choke, or burn, or be hit by a car.”

“What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but something will eventually.”

“One day you’ll look back at the life that you lead. No more future left to fear that you’ll have the past to regret.”

“But your worries will be over if you truly realize— one day you’re going to die!”

“Take it away, hands!”

“In the fabric of time and in the vastness of space, a billion amounts to nothing in infinity’s face.”

“Your life never mattered, so who cares if it's a waste?”

“Well, one day you’ll be not even a faint memory.”

“You’ll never know what it all means.”

“Just keep this in mind: that everything and everyone goes with the passage of time.”

“No need to fear, ’cause when it’s here, you won’t be alive.”

“Try not to think about it!”

“So if you only have one chance, you oughta try your best to live as you like.”

#rp memes #sentence starters #dialogue prompt #writing prompt #wwattw

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miraculouslycool · 4 years

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So I noticed something...

I find it weird yet slightly cool how different Marinette and Adrien's ways of dealing with Lila are.

When Marinette met Lila in Volpina, her first reaction was to expose her in front of Adrien as Ladybug, and later after defeating her, she regrets her actions and apologizes to her. Lila of course, doesn't accept it.

In Heroes Day, she tries to counter Lila's lies through a video chat, but fails. The only other person who knows what she is going through and isn't even aware of it, is Adrien.

In Chameleon, Marinette got threatened by Lila face to face for the first time. She tried to call her out publicly, but no one believed her. She forgives her and accepts her fake offer of friendship. In the end, she made do with Adrien's advice on being quiet about the whole thing.

In Onii Chan, she follows her and Adrien into his house and tries to get inside and fails. She gets caught by Onii Chan thanks to Lila but succeeds in getting out with her brains and her Chat Noir.

In Ladybug, she is framed by Lila thrice. All the time she tries to explain to everyone sans Adrien that Lila is a bitch who is up to no good, and even Adrien and Alya's efforts are in vain. In the end, she does get back into school because Lila admitted that she has a lying disorder, and gave her another chance, which Lila brushed off again.

Adrien, on the other hand, made a mistake in believing Lila when she said she was the descendant of a fox superhero. It's kind of justifiable, since neither him nor Ladybug had met Master Fu yet and didn't know anything about the history of their powers. Yet, he was close with Ladybug and didn't think twice about the fact that she would have told him about another superhero.

In Heroes Day, his role with Lila was limited. All he can do is shake his head sadly as she continues to lie.

In Chameleon, he tries to give her another chance. He asks her nicely not to lie to him again, and that he is not judging her. Of course, this doesn't go well. He becomes Chameleon's first victim, and once again as Chat Noir.

Adrien realises that Lila can be extremely petty for her own good, and learns to be wary of her, even though he thinks she is essentially harmless.

He becomes afraid for Marinette's sake, though. Because as far as he is concerned, Marinette hasn't seen all the sides of Lila like he has. He isn't aware Marinette and Ladybug are the same person. And somehow, the class' cleverest person has figured out that Lila's words are bogus. He doesn't know how she did it, but he knows Marinette will be in danger if she tries to expose her.

Lila got akumatised because of him nicely calling her out, and HE was the first person she targeted. What would have happened if Marinette had agressively called her out in front of everyone? Lila would have (willingly) gotten akumatised and gone after Mari on a much bigger scale. He also knew that nobody was in the right state of mind to believe Marinette.

So Adrien wasn't defending Lila, or being a doormat, as flawed as his advice was. He was protecting Marinette.

In Oni Chan, since Adrien is a good guy, he agrees to help Lila, since she seems to be in need of it. He was only planning on helping Lila out at school though. He tells her plenty of times that his father would never allow visitors, and is taken aback when Lila lies her way into his house, effectively getting Natalie and the Gorilla into trouble with his father. Even then, Adrien believes that she wants attention and that getting them into trouble was not her intention.

But when Chat Noir sees that Lila hates Ladybug so much that she would leave her to get caught by a supervillain she made a deal with, he truly realises that Lila Rossi isn't just a petty, mean, desperate liar. Oh no, she is far more dangerous than that.

He finally openly berates her as Chat Noir and uses her with Ladybug's help to defeat Oni Chan, who was Kagami akumatised because of Lila.

The next day, Adrien is absolutely fed up with Lila and her lies. He gives her a weak reason, that she got Natalie and the Gorilla into trouble to mask the real reason, that she messed with both Ladybug and Kagami.

"Lila, you can always count on me, as long as you don't hurt the people I love." That's Adrien Agreste politely saying, "Fuck off, bitch." ladies and gentlemen.

In Ladybug, what Adrien feared came true. Lila finally went after Marinette and despite his efforts, actually succeeded. Getting sidetracked by Mayura and Hawkmoth was not going to stop him from giving Lila exactly what she deserves.

He marches up to her- after she had somehow wormed her way into a photoshoot with him- and tells her straight up that he is absolutely done with her messing with his loved ones, and Marinette was the last straw. He makes a deal with her. She gets to be around him and his father's brand as long as she gets Marinette back into school, not by telling the truth, because Adrien has realised getting called out will not make Lila stop, but lying her way into it again. He makes her lie that she has a lying disorder so that no one will believe her words anymore. Oh and also, she must leave his Marinette alone. Mess with Marinette, and she'd have to face his wrath.

He did all that without raising his voice.

That is both clever, selfless and sad, because Adrien's self esteem issues come into play. He sees himself as someone dispensible, some replacable, someone no one would even guess would intend to make a deal as twisted as this. But it actually works in his favour, and that's incredibly heartbreaking.

The irony is, Marinette was the one who saw Lila for who she is since the beginning. And yet, she has failed over and over again, where Adrien succeeded.

Marinette keeps on holding on to her anger at Lila since the moment she met her, and thus she is unable to find a way to get rid of her other than try to expose her and/or make a truce with her. That anger is holding her back from seeing how Lila operates.

Unlike Marinette, Adrien got to learn what Lila was like step-by-step. Girl with a crush on him -> Desperate wannabe for attention -> Dangerous, petty bitch -> Manipulative, cruel psychopath.

He wasn't angry with Lila until the third stage, and thus he was able to see through her motives with clearer eyes. He never uses the same method over and over again like Marinette. He began with believing her lies gullibly ->to being forgiving -> to being wary of her -> to warning her -> to outright berating her and selling himself in a deal to protect Marinette. He learnt from the mistakes he made. He gave Lila too much room and now he has her pegged down. (He is a lot more like Gabriel than you think and that genuinely scares me)

Marinette- 10

Adrien- Infinity

Lila - negative infinity (Ha, you thought you could mess with Ladybug and Chat Noir? YOU THOT)

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deliasbabe · 4 years

Text

Because I Could Never Hold a Perfect Thing & Not Demolish It- Venable x Reader

A fight at your apartment forces Venable to reveal her true feelings about you, whether she wants to or not. Based on the song “Forever...(is a long time) by Halsey.

Words: 3,676

Warnings: Strong Language, Implied Sexual Content

When you heard a knock on the door one early Sunday morning, you almost didn’t answer. You weren’t expecting anyone, and considering you were only wearing an oversized white t-shirt, you weren’t exactly dressed for company. But something told you that you knew who was on the other side of that door. After all, you had turned down Venable’s request for your presence at her house Friday night, and ignored her numerous phone calls the next day. It wasn’t like it was unwarranted, she had spent the majority of the work day berating you, even going so far as to call you “daft” and “a waste of space”. What you two had wasn’t exactly serious, but it wasn’t casual either, and you had spent many nights trying to figure out exactly what this was. It wasn’t unlike your lover to borderline abuse her staff, but up until that point, you had been the exception, mostly because she knew there was no way in hell you would stand for it. At least, you thought she knew that, but her actions that day very much said otherwise.

It wasn’t like you didn’t expect her to show up. You had learned very quickly that a request from Wilhelmina wasn’t actually a request, more like a not-so-polite demand, and you refused her, of course she would show up to set you straight. But avoiding your boss had given you a strength you didn’t know you needed, the upper hand in a situation where it seemed like saying yes was the only acceptable option. You could face her, tell her off, and send her on her way. You could do this, and with a gust of courage, you opened the door.

Venable, as cold as ever, didn’t even bother with a proper greeting before she stepped into your apartment, her heels clicking along the wooden floor as she took a regal stance in your kitchen, like she had the right to do with your home as she saw fit, and you rolled your eyes as you shut the door. She always was far too arrogant, but you did have to admire her confidence. Still, her impoliteness didn’t make you falter, if anything it fueled you.

There was an eerie silence as you walked toward her, firmly planting your feet in front of your counter. This was your home after all, she wasn’t going to get the high ground. She flicked her steely gaze over you briefly, before deciding she couldn’t even be bothered to look at you, her face impassive as she set her sights just over your shoulder, as if you were beneath her. “You haven’t been returning my calls.” She stated flatly, like you were total strangers, like you hadn’t spent countless nights in her bed, in her home.

“I know.” You responded coldly, her eyes quickly darting to you and boring into your brain, outraged that you would dare challenge her.

“Care to tell me the reason?” Venable spit out between gritted teeth, and you wondered how she was able to look so angry yet keep her tone so emotionless, a black void threatening to swallow you whole. You had played her games long enough to know she was waiting for you to buckle, but you wouldn’t, not today, and you clenched your jaw as your stared her down, openly defying her seemingly endless willpower.

“I really don’t think I should have to explain it to you.” You spit in the most condescending tone you could muster. You wouldn’t fall, not today, not ever again.

Her face was hard as stone, a concrete wall, but you could see in her eyes that she faltered, just a bit, and it gave you a sick sense of victory. “Y/n,” Venable bit, “Let’s not be childish.”

“This isn’t me being childish. This is me being pissed off.” You fired back, silently cursing yourself for letting your cool demeanor slip. You were supposed to be short, calculated, cruel, just like her. But you weren’t like her, not one bit. Still, this seemed to grab her attention, and she raised her eyebrows, silently demanding an explanation, like she didn’t have the slightest idea as to why you were upset. You shook your head dismissively, “You know what? Whatever this is that we’re doing? It’s done. I’ll hand in my resignation tomorrow.”

There it was, that sickening smirk your lover always gave when she got a rise out of someone, almost as if hurting you was a victory in itself, “Don’t you think you’re being a little rash?”

You scoffed, “No. Believe me, this is a long time coming.”

Your boss took a moment to right herself, like she was talking to a petulant child, “I don’t accept your resignation. You are a valuable assistant.”

“I thought I was daft and a waste of space?” You bit, watching her physically recoil, but only slightly, “And you really don’t get to call the shots on this one.”

Venable gave a condescending laugh as she leaned forward on her cane, “You can’t expect me to give you special treatment.”

“I’m not asking for special treatment, Wilhelmina. I’m just asking to be treated like a human being.” You vented, hoping just once, just this once, that she would see her horrendous ways, that she would see reason.

But still, your attempt was futile, you could see it in her face, “I treat you the same way I treat any other employee.”

“And you don’t think there’s something wrong with that?” You bit, beyond frustrated, “You can’t expect me to be treated like shit and then hop in your bed at your beck and call.”

Venable let out an amused, breathy laugh, “You think I’m using you for sex?”

You dropped your shoulders, utterly defeated. It just wasn’t worth it, and you hated yourself for thinking it would be any different. She was stubborn, an impenetrable force. You couldn’t change that. Still, you mustered up the strength to finish, “I don’t know what you are doing, but I’m not doing it anymore. If I wanted a hookup I wouldn’t do it with someone I work with, and certainly not someone who doesn’t appreciate me in the slightest.”

Again, she smirked, “You think I don’t appreciate you?” Just like that, you were done, rolling your eyes and moving towards the door, only for your soon-to-be ex to bang her cane on the floor, “Y/n! Talk to me.”

You whipped around and stomped back to your previous position, utterly pissed off. “Why should I?” You yelled, suddenly not caring about how emotional you seemed, “You never talk to me! You say we’re exclusive, but you won’t tell anyone about us! All we ever do is fuck and I’m sick of everything being on your terms! I’m not spending the next few years being in a one-sided relationship! I’m done trying to earn your approval. I’m just…done.” You broke your gaze, feeling completely drained, like all your life force was just sucked out of you. You didn’t have it in you to fight for her, to make her see you. You just couldn’t do it anymore.

“What makes you think you haven’t already gotten my approval?” Venable asked, calm as ever, acting as if you didn’t just emotionally implode all over her expensive purple suit.

You let out a scoff, not even bothering to look her in the eye, “Because no one will ever be good enough for you, and certainly not me.”

You didn’t look at her, waiting for whatever insult she had decided to throw your way, but all you heard was silence. You weren’t used to silence, not from her, and you glanced up to make sure she actually heard you, only to see tears in your lover’s eyes, and your heart dropped. Your boss was always stoic, so much so that you wondered if she was psychopathic. She always was this force, and you sure as shit had never seen her even come close to shedding a tear, and it took the fight right out of you, your stomach twisting into knots.

“Is that really what you think of me?” Venable said, shifting her gaze to the floor and praying you didn’t hear her voice waiver, but you did, and suddenly you weren’t sure exactly who you were dealing with.

You softened, but only slightly, “I don’t know what to think, Mina. I’ve tried, but I can’t figure you out. It’s like you are a completely different person with me than you are at work, and they don’t line up.” You waited for her to speak, but she didn’t, so you continued, “I get that you can’t be the same at work with me because you, for whatever reason, don’t want anyone to know about us. You’re ashamed or… whatever, and I get it, I do. But this game we’re playing? I just can’t play it anymore.”

That got the woman’s attention, and you quickly glanced away from her. As she started to move toward you, you ducked your head in response, preparing for her to be angry with you, but she gently lifted your chin, forcing you to look into her soft brown eyes. “I’m not ashamed of you, little one.” Mina said carefully, “Not one bit, and I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I’m proud of you, so, so proud.” You looked utterly confused, and it pained the woman, because she knew it was all her doing. Hearing her praise is the very last thing you expected, and she hated herself for doing this to you.

Wilhelmina Venable had never been very good at expressing her feelings. She hated feeling vulnerable, but somehow you managed to slip past her iron gates, worming your way into her heart and cracking her wide open. She had never been in love before, truthfully she thought it didn’t actually exist, but there you were, and suddenly her world started spinning a little faster, too fast for her to keep up, to stay ahead, and that scared her. So, she did what she did best, she shut down, and she pushed. She pushed and pushed until she broke you, and she understood why you wanted to leave, but she couldn’t forgive herself if she didn’t at least try to put you back together again.

Still, this was uncomfortable for her, uncharted territory, and she hesitantly took a step back, “The reason I…” She began calmly, before you watched her face contort as she choked on her words, not even able to repeat the atrocities she had carelessly fired your way previously. The woman cleared her throat awkwardly, ducking her head, “Jeff and Mutt, they noticed that I wasn’t as harsh with you as I was with the others. They suspected I was interested in you, romantically interested.”

You sat silent for a moment, analyzing her words as you leaned back on the counter, raising your leg and bracing your foot on the cupboards as you crossed your arms. The gesture was innocent, but it was enough to make the woman’s head spin, desperately trying to not give into her own selfish desires and averting her focus from how good you looked. “And you aren’t?” You asked, slightly defensive, reading between the lines and coming to the conclusion that she really was just in this to fuck.

Venable tried to focus, tried to formulate an answer that didn’t include how delicious your exposed thigh looked, but she couldn’t, and she bit her lip. You took her silence as a yes, after all, what else could it mean? “Ok.” You said with a sadistic laugh, moving to show the woman out, “I guess it’s settled then.”

“Y/n, wait!” Venable yelled, lurching toward you and throwing herself off balance, barely catching herself on your arm. The shock was clear on your features, and before she could get too much inside her head about it, she blurted, “I am interested.” Your gaze was unwavering, unnerving, so she hesitantly continued, “Very Interested. I just… I didn’t want them to know.”

You stare at her for a few moments, desperately wishing you could fish inside her brain and find some sort of clarity. She looked so scared, her hand grasping yours tightly, but you weren’t sure if it was because she almost fell or something more, “Would it be such a bad thing if they knew?”

Venable shook her head, but her words didn’t match. “Yes…no… I don’t know.” She fumbled, “I’m not very good at this.”

You furrowed your brow, “Good at what?”

You had never seen your ever-confident boss so unsure of herself, “Talking about… this.”

You paused, trying to figure out exactly what she was getting at, but then it dawned on you, “Talking about your feelings?”

Your lover quickly glanced at the floor, nodding slightly, and you nodded in return. This, you could work with. You let out a sigh, drawing her attention back to you, “Why don’t you sit? I can make us some tea?”

That gave the woman a moment to compose herself, and she silently thanked you for not making this any more painful than it had to be, “Tea would be lovely.”

You gestured toward the couch, and Venable moved to take a seat, studying your apartment as you worked. It was the first time she had been in there, and as she looked around she noticed just how much it fit you. It was a little messy, just like you were, a mishmash of flea market finds and old furniture, but something about it felt cozy, warm, and she couldn’t stop herself from running her finger along the soft flannel blanket you had strewn over the loveseat. That was a fitting word, loveseat, because in your apartment, staring at you as you silently moved around the kitchen, Venable was finding it incredibly hard to deny that she was hopelessly in love with you, and that terrified her.

“You have a lovely home.” Venable said politely, trying to ignore the gnawing feeling she got when you bit your lip and threw her a smirk.

“Sorry it’s a mess. I wasn’t exactly expecting company.” You teased, meeting the woman’s gaze.

“It’s quaint.” Your lover said quietly, and you were so focused on making the tea, you didn’t even bother to look up as you laughed.

“That’s a nice way of saying tiny and cluttered.” You joked, not noticing your girlfriend studying you like you were her favorite piece of art, and boy, did you look heavenly with your nimble movements and messy bun, barely held together by a set of chopsticks. You hated having your hair in your face, that was the first thing Venable noticed about you. Every morning, you would come into work with your long hair down, and by the end of every night, it was being held back by pens. You never could get it to all stay back, however, and the few wispy strands always framed your face in a way that could only be described as angelic.

You finally finished your task of making tea, glancing up only to catch the woman staring, and you threw her a lopsided, soft smile that made her so dizzy she had to look away. It was just too perfect, you were perfect, and she didn’t deserve perfect things.

You handed her a warm mug, and she quietly thanked you as you sat on the couch, leaning back on the arm and tucking your legs beneath you as you sank into the cushion. It was strange to see you so comfortable, but then again, this was your house, and this time it was Venable who felt out of her depth, making sure to sit as straight as she possibly could as she murmured out a thank you for the tea. She sipped it tentatively, but was pleasantly surprised to find that you had made it exactly to her tastes, sickeningly sweet, despite it not being her usual order that you brought her every morning. It made her insides warm, realizing just how well you knew her, how much you paid attention, and she couldn’t help but look at you in admiration.

“What?” You asked after noticing her staring, throwing her a smirk.

Mina tried to pry her eyes away from your form, tried to look anywhere else, but she couldn’t, and she found herself speaking before she could even formulate a coherent thought, “Nothing. You’re…uh, you’re just so… beautiful.” And boy, Wilhelmina didn’t think she could possibly love anything more than the way your cheeks blushed as you were caught off guard.

“Well, thank you. But I should let you know that flattery won’t get you out of this conversation.” You joked, watching her gaze fall as she nodded. “Mina?” You asked softly, waiting for her to bring her eyes back to yours, studying her delicate features for a moment, “Why don’t you want anyone to know?”

Out of reflex, Venable snapped, “Because I prefer to keep my private life, private.” It wasn’t the answer you were looking for, and she knew it, but you didn’t push like she was expecting. You just sipped your tea, patiently waiting for her to gather herself and give you a real answer, and she hated it. She hated the silence, and she hated how gentle you were being with her, like she was something soft, breakable, but then again, maybe she was. “I didn’t want them to ruin it.” She finally spits out after a moment, the truth leaving a bitter taste on her tongue.

“How would they ruin it?” You asked softly, causing her to scoff. But once again, you waited, and she wished you would just pry the answer out of her like so many before had tried to do. At least then she would have a reason to be hostile.

Venable clenched her jaw, “Because right now it’s just us, and I like just us. I want it to stay just us.” It wasn’t exactly a coherent response, but you knew immediately what she meant, because you felt it as well. You two had somehow managed to create your own little world together, except you didn’t mind sharing it.

“Even if they know, it can still stay just us.” You offered, getting another scoff in return.

“That’s not how Jeff and Mutt operate.” Venable bit, expecting your gaze to harden, but it still was just as soft.

“But it’s how I do.” You said confidently, “They can tease us as much as their little coked out heart’s desire. It’s not going to change how I feel about you, nothing will.” You watched your lover’s eyes go wide as she glanced away, panicked, and you tried to soothe her, “Hey, look at me.” You said gently as you cupped her chin, “I’m not trying to overwhelm you. We can slow things down if you want.”

“I don’t want to.” Venable said quickly, and you cocked your head to the side.

“Then what is it?” You asked, giving her a reassuring smile. She didn’t answer, but she didn’t really need to, you already knew. You knew how she felt about you, you had known for a while, she just couldn’t say it, and you got it, you really did. So you left it alone, at least for the time being, and changed the subject, “Stay with me today, here. We can order take out, or I can cook if you want. Just us.”

Venable looked at you doubtfully, but there was a glint of adoration in her eye, “You can cook?”

“I’ll try for you. No promises that it will be edible, though.” You joked, throwing her that lopsided smile that made her absolutely melt, and she couldn’t help but offer a small smile and nod back at you. You grinned, jumping off the couch and grabbing the now empty mug in her hand, “More tea?” She gave another nod, and you quickly pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose before disappearing back into your kitchen.

You spent the day drinking tea and watching terrible movies, ordering Chinese for dinner and eating it out of the paper cartons with chopsticks. You even managed to find a pair of purple pajamas for Mina to change into so that she was more comfortable. “I’ll put the food away. Do you want some wine?” You asked, grabbing the cartons from the coffee table and pressing a kiss to the woman’s forehead, smiling when she nodded.

You danced around the kitchen with light steps as she watched, and as you poured the wine she felt like if she held it in any longer she would burst. “Y/n?” She asked, you humming in response, not taking your eyes off the glasses you were filling, “I love you.”

You glanced up at your girlfriend with a small smile on your lips, grabbing the now full glasses and making your way to her, softly planting your lips on hers. “I love you, too.” You said once you broke apart, handing her the glass as you got a teasing look on your face.

“What?” She asked carefully, thinking there was something she was missing.

“Nothing.” You said, still smirking as your voice dropped, “You know, you still haven’t seen all of my apartment.”

Mina furrowed her brow, “You just poured wine.”

You gave her a shrug, “I don’t have any pets. We can leave it.”

“Or we can wait.” Venable said, still not catching onto the suggestive undertones. That was until you pulled off your shirt, leaving you in a black lingerie set that made the woman’s mouth water.

“Or we cannot.” You said, motioning her forward with your index finger as you stepped back towards your bedroom, laughing when your lover shook her head in mock disapproval. You had her wrapped around your finger and you knew it, and it was only confirmed as she followed behind you the very second you disappeared from her view. Boy, was she smitten for you.

#wilhemina venable x reader #wilhemina venable #venable has a sweet tooth #sarah paulson #sarah paulson x reader #i didnt even edit this im so sorry

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whatareyousearchingfordean · 4 years

Text

Happiness Begins

Part 10

Chapter Summary: The reader slips away from the party to clear her head and runs into Jensen doing the same thing.

Word Count: 4K+

Warnings: Language, marijuana use, protected intercourse, oral sex (female receiving)

Author’s Note: If you didn’t realize from the warnings, it is 18+ only from here on out. It’s the moment you all have been waiting for, so without further ado, here is part 10. xo Alex

Catch up with the series masterlist and check out Alexandra’s Library for more works by yours truly!

The sounds from inside the house were instantly muffled as she closed the sliding door behind her. Her heels clicked low against the wood of the back patio as she made her way around the house to somewhere she wouldn’t be caught. It was almost midnight, and she wanted to be away from the festivities when the ball dropped. There is nothing more awkward than standing there staring into space while everyone else in the room is kissing their significant other, and after her Christmas, it would be harder tonight. Especially when the only other single people here tonight were the kids and Jensen, and she was far from wanting to open that can of worms.

She clutched her coat tighter to her body as she fished around in the pockets. The light material of her costume did little to protect her from the cold Texas winter night. Granted, it was nothing compared to what she had grown used to in Vancouver, but it was still below freezing. She eventually found what she was looking for, a present she had gifted herself and hidden away for moments just like this. She lit the blunt and took a nice long drag as she continued past the chicken coops. She let the smoke sit in her chest for a beat before exhaling, allowing the cannabis to invade her system faster. As she rounded the coop, a dark figure caused a squeak to leave her mouth and the hit that she was taking to get caught in her lungs. Her body went into a fit of coughing as it fought to rid itself of the foreign substance.

“Woah, are you okay?” Jensen’s soft voice met her ears as he stepped into the light. He had concern etched across his features as he stood there awkwardly, unsure of how to help.

“Yeah… I’m good. We have to stop… meeting like this.” She said between pathetic coughs as she hit her fist against her sternum.

“Sorry about that.” He had on the first genuine smile she had seen from him all night, and it made her happier than she cared to admit.

She stood up straight once the hacking subsided, hiding the blunt behind her body. “What are you doing out here in the dark?”

“I was going to ask you the same thing, but I think I figured that one out.” He raised one of his eyebrows at her and nodded towards the hand that held her blunt. Blood rushed to her cheeks like a child being scolded. He just continued to stare at her for a moment before holding his hand out to her. With a sigh, she gave up her marijuana and placed the half gone joint in Jensen’s hand. He surprised her by taking a hit from it and not putting it out. She had been sure she had been caught.

“You didn’t answer the question.” She noted as he handed it back to her. She took another hit as he answered her.

“Avoiding the ball drop.” He shrugged before taking a drink of his whiskey. His tongue darted out to catch a stray drop of the amber liquid as he pulled the glass from his mouth.

“Me too.” She looked off towards the expanse of the backyard, hitting the joint again. She breathed deeply, trying to soak up the tranquility that the quiet night had to offer.

“It’s always so awkward when everyone else is kissing a person and you are making out with your drink.” He laughed. She turned back to him, a large smile on her face. She traded him back the joint and he hit it. She shook her head when he offered it back, allowing him to finish it off. It had done its job for now.

“Tell me about it. My mother was on my ass about being single at Christmas.” Y/n moved to lean against the wall of the guest house. “God, It pisses me off that in the year twenty nineteen she can’t comprehend that a woman’s life is more than a husband and kids. Sometimes, I feel like she doesn’t even care about anything else I’ve done because I don’t have a family. Which, realistically, I know is insane. But then I just get even more fucking mad because I do want a family and she doesn’t even think that I’ve tried, when you know damn well, I’ve tried.” She was rambling, her inhibitions lowered just enough that she couldn’t shut herself up. Not that she would have wanted to shut up. Ever since moving to Vancouver, she found that Jensen had become one of the few people she could vent her frustrations to. He was almost like neutral territory, not having enough prior knowledge to be able to judge. He just listened and offered his views. A fact which didn’t help her to quench that longing for him. In fact, it did just the opposite. Not to mention his little pep talk at the bar two weeks ago.

“What else are parents for than to haggle you about marriage and kids?” He agreed. The two of them fell into silence, taking in the sounds of the lake in the background and the muffled party inside the main house. Jensen spoke up again after a minute, his gaze focused off towards the water.

“I want it too, actually. I was so focused on my career for so long that now it feels like I missed my chance, you know, at a wife and kids. I hate saying this but, I look at Jared and Gen and I just get so jealous sometimes. He found his person and they had three beautiful, amazing, children. I’m beyond happy for him, don’t get me wrong, but I envy his happiness at the same time.” His words tugged on her heart. She had no idea he had felt that way, and she knew exactly how it felt too. He was always so great with her nephews and Odette. She hadn’t realized how much he longed for his own children though. Jensen was a caring man by nature and she supposed she should have seen it sooner. How could a man like that, a well raised, southern, Texas boy not want a wife and kids?

“Jensen, you did not miss out. You still have time, I promise. If I do, then so do you.” She pushed her weight off of the brick to put herself in his line of sight.

“I’m ten years older than you are.” He reminded her, his gaze glancing back to hers. She shrugged.

“I’m aware of that. You are forty, not ninety. Guys can have kids pretty much as long as they can keep it up.” Jensen guffawed at her bluntness. It was one of the things he admired most about her, her ability to always find the humor in any situation. She smacked his chest with the back of her hand before continuing. “I’m serious, you just have to find a girl who hasn’t hit menopause yet, which at forty, shouldn’t be a problem.”

“A girl like you?” He had grabbed her hand when it connected with his chest, squeezing her fingers in his palm. She had offered him the perfect opening, and he took it. Ever since Jared had mentioned it to him, he couldn’t shut up the pull she had on him. He was an idiot for not seeing it before. If Jared hadn’t said anything, he’s not sure if he ever would have figured it out. At least not until it was too late. And he had tried hard to forget about all of it, but seeing her again tonight had nearly broken his resolve. Even more so when he realized how much it hurt her when he had tried to push her away.

Her heart swelled in her chest, leaving an empty feeling as she struggled to find the right words.

“Sure, like me.” She agreed, her voice breathy as she tried to make sense of what he had said. The noise inside the house rose, and they could hear the group counting down.

Ten

Nine

Eight

“Y/n/n?” Jensen leaned in closer to her, his face hidden mostly by the shadows. She could still make out his green eyes in the low light, the whites slightly bloodshot from the joint. His gaze flickered across her face, moving from her eyes to her lips and back again.

“Yeah?”

Seven

Six

Five

“Tell me you don’t want this.” He leaned in further, his nose nuzzling against hers, their breaths mingling as their lips grew closer. She froze, her eyes fluttering closed as she soaked up Jensen into every sense she could. The heat from his body so close to her own, the smell of whiskey and weed on his breath, and even the roughness of his hiatus beard where his chin rubbed against her own.

Four

Three

Two

“No.”

One

His lips pressed against hers tentatively at first before he pulled her closer to him, his hand guiding her against the back of her neck. Cheers and applause could be heard emanating from the house as she opened her mouth to him, allowing his tongue to move against hers. She moaned into him before he pulled away, both of their chests rising rapidly with their breathing. Her fingers came up to touch her tingling lips as her brain tried to catch up to what just happened. She could still taste his whiskey on her lips and smell his cologne in her nose.

“Jay,” She started, only to be cut off by him.

“Fuck it.” He growled before he could talk himself out of it. Everything about her was screaming out to him, but Jared’s words continued to echo in the back of his mind. He grit his teeth and willed them away, focusing on the flushed complexion of the beautiful woman in front of him.

She gazed at him as he held out his hand to her. She took his hand, letting him guide her around the corner and inside the Padalecki’s guest house.The door was unlocked allowing him to quickly pull her inside and tug her body against his own. His hands cradled her jaw as he took in the amused expression on her face.

“What’s so funny?”

“Absolutely nothing.” She shook her head, her hands slipping up Jensen’s biceps and to the back of his neck to pull him down to her, allowing her to catch his lips with her own again. He kissed her back with fever, the feel of her lips against his everything he had imagined it would be. She was plaint under him but not so forgiving that he forgot the woman he was dealing with. Her skin was heated under his fingertips where he gripped her jaw. He could’ve gotten lost in the soft breathes coming from her as she opened her mouth to him, or the way her full eyelashes looked fanned against her cheekbones.

Jensen began to guide her back into the guest house and towards the bedroom, his hands roaming over her body as he moved, sending chills down her spine as they went. She caught on quick enough, pushing him through the door until the backs of his knees hit the bed. He fell onto the edge of it without even a nudge. His pupils were blown wide as he looked up at her when they separated. She threw off her coat into the corner of the room and moved to grab the hem of her dress.

“Wait, are you sure you aren’t too drunk or... high.” He put his hands on her hips, halting her movements. His eyes were twinkling in the low light of the room as he waited intently for her answer.

“I mean, I am, kind of. But not so much so that I don’t know that I want to do this.” She shook her head, trying to focus a little better. Yeah, she was sure she wanted to do this, drunk or not. The inhibitors just hid away the insecurities that would have been screaming at her otherwise.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And do you? Want to do this, I mean?” She bit her lip, waiting for him to respond.

“Fuck yes.” He growled, his hands replacing hers at the hem of her dress, bunching the material in his fists and raising it up so she could pull it over her head. She had never been more thankful than now for her choice in lingerie. The thigh highs for her outfit connected to her combination garter and panties that sat low on her hips. The black lace on her panties matched the thin bra that she wore as well.

A blush ran up her neck as Jensen stood back up and rid himself of his own tuxedo coat, not taking his eyes off of her. He was still fully dressed compared to her, and she felt incredibly exposed in just her lingerie. Jensen stepped to her, his large hands coming to her neck to turn her chin up to him. He placed a kiss to the corner of her mouth before trailing his lips across her jaw and down her neck. He sucked deeply at the junction where her collar bone meets her throat, eliciting a breathy moan from her lips and another shiver to run down her spine.

“You’re wearing too much.” She breathed out as her fingers wrapped around his forearms, holding him to her as he continued his assault on her neck.

“Am I?” He chuckled as he stopped and looked at her. She nodded at him and knocked his hands from her so she could have access to his bow tie. She tugged it loose easily, tossing the tiny black material across the room. Jensen was breathing heavily as he let her shove him back. towards the bed. He fell onto it as she toed off her heels and crawled over him. She fixed her knees on either side of his hips and leaned over him, catching his lips with her own again. Her hair fell like a curtain around them, and she had to push it behind her ears to get it out of the way. Jensen’s hands found her hips, his blunt nails digging into the flesh there. She rocked her hips against his in response, the hardness of him inside his slacks sending jolts through her nervous system, and reminding her of where they were headed.

It was like she suddenly looked up to see headlights coming at her and she was crashed back to the reality of what was happening. Sure, as she had pulled her dress over her head, she knew what she was doing, and hell did she want it more than anything. But now, there was little left in her system to hold back those nagging thoughts in her mind. Anxiety collected in her chest as the adrenaline continued to push away her high. Every insecurity she had ever had was culminating inside her mind but she tried to push through it. The last thing she wanted was for this to end. Her body betrayed her though as she sat back on her legs and began to undo the buttons on Jensen’s shirt. Her hands were shaking just enough to make the task difficult.

“Hey,” Jensen caught her wrists in his hands and waited until she looked up at him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Her assurance wasn’t even convincing to her own ears and she took a deep breath before elaborating. “It’s just… it’s been awhile.” Her shoulders slumped and she looked away from him as she said it aloud.

Jensen sat up, slipping one arm around her waist to hold her on his lap. He brushed back a few stray hairs from her forehead with his other hand and cupped her cheek. “We don’t have to do this, you know.”

“I know, but I want to. I really want to.” Her stomach dropped at the idea of this moment ending, no matter how anxiety riddled her brain may be.

“Me too. If it helps, it’s been a while for me too.”

She scoffed. “Yeah, right. You have thousands of women that would sell their first born for five minutes alone with you.”

Jensen shook his head with a chuckle and kissed her. “That may be true, but one night stands aren’t really my thing.” She nodded, kissing him fully again as she fought down her anxiety and tried to focus on his lips against her own. Suddenly, Jensen stood, taking her with him, before spinning on his heel and tossing her back on the bed. Her eyes went wide as she bounced slightly and sat up on her elbows. He grabbed her ankles and tugged her down the bed. The forcefulness and fluidity of his actions sent a jolt straight to her core and she bit back her moan. Heat pooled in her stomach as he kneeled on the edge of the bed between her knees and finished taking off his shirt.

Y/n took her chance to take in the freckles dotted across the expanse of his broad shoulders and down his toned stomach as he leaned over her. Jensen has always seemed slimmer in person to her than he did in photos or on TV, but now, with his arms encasing her underneath him, he had never seemed larger. It was the first time she felt small compared to him, and she was loving every second of it.

The scratch of his beard against the smooth skin of her chest brought her back to Jensen working his way down her body. He grazed his tongue across the swell of her left breast as his fingers pushed the fabric down, exposing her nipples to the cool air of the room. Jensen wrapped his mouth around the bud, circling his wet, warm tongue around it a few times before giving her other breast the same treatment.

Jensen sat back up on his knees so he could unclasps where her garter connected to her stockings. He slipped his finger in the elastic of her panties, looking up at her and waiting until she nodded for him to continue. He pulled them down her legs, his fingertips leaving a fire in their wake as he trailed them teasingly across her legs.

“Those needed to go.” He murmured as he kissed the inside of her thighs. She nodded her head in agreement, the coil in her belly tightening as he hooked her legs over his shoulders. He blew gently over her heated sex, her body twitching as a chill rushed through her.

“Oh god, Jay,” She moaned as he licked through her folds. His beard scratched deliciously against her skin as his lips wrapped around her clit. The mix of sensations were overwhelming and she had to fight against closing her legs around his head as he worked her over. Jensen made eye contact with her as he shoved two fingers into his mouth, coating them with his saliva. She let her head fall back against the bed as he slipped one finger inside her, crooking it against that sweet spot inside her as his lips came back against her clit. “Fuck!” She screamed, her hands flying to cover her face as he fucked her with his fingers. Her muscles tensed as he built her up, the embers inside her belly ready to ignite. It was all too much at once, yet somehow not enough.

“God, you’re so fucking beautiful.” Jensen growled as he inserted the second finger inside her. Her moans were growing in pitch as her orgasm built higher. “Come on you’re right there, come for me, Y/n.” He sucked her clit back into his mouth, his hand moving swiftly as she fell apart around him, the embers in her belly lighting on fire. Her juices flowed down his hand as he brought her down from her climax, his hand still pumping inside her lazily. He lifted her legs off of his shoulders, rubbing her thighs gingerly as they shook. He climbed up the bed, stopping only for a second to wrap his mouth around one of her nipples, letting it go with a pop before coming up to kiss her. She opened up to him willingly, tasting herself on his lips. He pulled away and she buried her face into his neck, taking deep, steady breaths. Her whole body was vibrating and she wanted to stay right here for a moment, just breathing him in.

“You okay?” He did nothing to hide the smile in his voice.

“Fantastic, amazing, and any other synonym you can think of.” She sighed as she let her head fall back against the mattress. She reached up to cradle his head in her hands. The euphoria of her orgasm and Jensen’s praises bringing back that little bit of confidence she had previously. There was nothing she wanted more right now than to feel him… to feel all of him.

“But now, I need you. I need you to fuck me, Jay.” She held his gaze, her hands splayed across his face on either side.

“Jesus, okay.” He choked back a groan, surprised by her change in demeanor. He pecked her lips once more before climbing off of her to dig a condom out of his bedside table. She scooted up the bed, watching him as he rid himself of the last of his clothing and rolled the condom down his hard length. She licked her lips as she took in his cock standing ready for her against his stomach. Her imagination had not done him justice. He was thick and long in all the best ways, dripping precome as his cock twitched. He crawled back between her legs, wrapping his fingers under her knees and hitching them high on his waist before sliding easily into her. He stopped, allowing her to adjust to the delicious burn as he stretched her walls.

“God, please move.” She begged as her hips lifted in search of friction. Jensen wrapped his hands around her hips, holding her in place. He moved back slowly, pushing into her at an agonizing slow rate a few times before finding his rhythm. His movements were calculated and she felt every push and pull of him inside of her. He lifted her knees closer to her chest, his new angle allowing for him to go deep and she could feel him brushing her cervix with every thrust. The feeling sat on that odd line between pain and pleasure, and before she knew it, she was coming again, her walls fluttering around him.

“So fucking sexy when you come, you know that?” He growled as he pulled out of her. He dropped her legs and tapped her hip. “Hands and knees, baby.” She sat up, catching his lips in a chaste kiss before turning and dropping onto her forearms, ass in the air for him without a second thought. He grabbed one of the globes of her ass, his blunt nails scratching slightly as he squeezed it. He let go as he thrust into her, immediately setting a pace again.

“Fuck, you’re so big.” Her words were swallowed by the blanket she had shoved her face into it. Her body was overly sensitive from her orgasms, and he had given her no chance to adjust to the new angle. Jensen knew what he was doing. He had figured out exactly how to unravel her in record time. She was moaning obscenely into the comforter as her stomach clenched and she tried to find that end again, to let go one last time.

“Come on, one last one. I’m right there with you, you can do it.” His pace was faltering, his thrusts becoming erratic as his cock throbbed inside her. Jensen snaked one hand around her, his fingers finding her clit, brushing over it in tight circles. She bit into blanket, muffling her scream as she came for a third and final time. Jensen grunted as he stilled inside her, his cock pulsating as he came with her. When he finally caught his breath, he pulled out of her and tossed the condom. Her legs collapsed under her and she nuzzled into the bedding, still on her stomach, fully ready to succumb to the bliss.

“Hey,” Jensen’s fingers were feather light as they trailed up her spine and brushed her hair from her face. “You good?”

“Stop asking me that.” She chastised as a smile graced her features. She opened her eyes to see his own not far from her. “I’m really good. Really, really… good.” Her hazy brain couldn’t find a better word to describe what she was feeling.

“Good.” He laughed as he kissed her nose. Jensen climbed off the bed with a grin on his face and slipped his briefs back on before getting under the covers. She didn’t bother with dressing, hoping to get back inside before anyone noticed her absence and instead just slipped under the covers with him, nuzzling into Jensen’s chest as he pulled her into his side.

“Happy New Year.” He breathed as he nuzzled into her hair.

“It really is.”

Part 11

Forevers: @spn-impala @22sarah08 @turtlepad @callmekda @chaldei @hobby27 @casualfestivaltrashpainter @cowboysnwinchesters @tranquility-or-chaos @pikabootoyouchu @dawnie1988 @grease222 @frackinawesomeninja @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @polina-93 @clarinette07 @moonlight-babeh @suckerforfanfic @witandnargles @sleepylunarwolf @stiles-stilinski-24-dylan

Et Cetera: @jbbarnesgirl @hillface89 @arses21434 @thevelvetseries @sslater34 @mrsirishboru @smoothdogsgirl @spnfamily-j2 @encounterthepast @facadeformyrealblog @supernatural-bellawinchester @screechingartisancashbailiff @rebeccathefangirl @squirrelnotsam @heartinmyhead1 @1d-killed-me @samsgirl93 @deans-baby-momma @deanmonandnegansbitch @woodworthti666 @supraveng @onethirstyunicorn @heartsaved @know2grow @littlewhiterose @surprisinglysarah @stoneyggirl @carryon-doctor-lock

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chemtrailsovertheclub · 3 years

Text

old poems v1.

here you go. dated august-september 2019 or so.

my brain is a conglomeration of suffering it is everything it's all in my head though. by the time it shows on the physical, the damage is done, the war has been won and i am not victorious, maybe i won a few battles but ultimately i gave more than i gained from all the agonizing pain it's all in my head though.

i don't have a sense of identity and i don't have very much empathy because i feel so much to begin with how am i supposed to take on your problems too? i don't want to hurt you that's the last thing i ever wanted to do but so i push you far away and i don't say the things that haunt me because i know you feel so much empathy i can't have your hurt be because of me so i push you away

it's all in my head though. it's not a real problem. i'm perfectly fine. and i live a lie.

you make my heart beat go faster and the time goes slower and i feel my heart get closer and it melds into yours for hours that seem like years so when you go and i'm left alone my heart craves you my mind misses you my body is cold our love grows old and i worry it'll never be renewed

you are my drug, my medicine, my addiction my confliction of interest, of distress, of wondering what will come next my love, my joy, my shining light, my star so bright, those lakeside nights, those neck side bites, those streetside lights, those endless nights, those endless nights

i don't know what you want from me i don't have any sympathy for your self made misery

i don't know what world you live inside, all you seem to do is hide maybe you should step outside

into the light i promise it's not too bright i promise it's not a fight i promise if you'd just try you'd see just why life isn't just suffering until you die.

it's fine, pretending you're divine, that life is great, you feel no hate, there's no need to do a thing did i mention life is great?

it's a shame there's no one to blame for all the ways you bleed from your very own knives what a surprise! you take so many lives, why not your own? when you're finally all alone, when everyone you ever cared for is gone, when you've pushed them all away, i promise i won't say i told you so don't you know?

it's fine, pretending you're divine, that life is great, you feel no hate, there's no need to do a thing did i mention life is great?

black like mold the staleness you bring to the air gets old darkness and decay only leave so many words to say statements of agony proof you're not okay, proof that there's no way, you're ever going to change

i like the way you make feel at home like i do when i'm all alone i like the way you love me with all of your fragile heart like it won't get broke, like what all i said was a joke i knew it from the start, and every, day and night, it tears me a-part

i like the way you make me wanna run, away, never to be seen again by anyone of any concern, it's like i never learn, but they're my bridges to burn, it's my turn

it's not too hard to disappear, if you live your life running in fear if all you ever wanted was right there

i like the way i sing this song so soft and distraught when i let out my thoughts

i can't maintain my composure it's over exposure it's vulnerability it's me showing me for all the world to see and i can't take criticism very well and i didn't think this would go so well go so well can't you tell can't you tell? i burn my bridges before anyone can cross them but you must have swam, you must have swam because you made it across and what happens now? all my defenses are down. fire at will.

i want to bleed out every single ounce of my soul let it leak out of my body through each and every pore i crave liberation from my whole i would much rather be a piece of the puzzle than the whole fucking picture but here we are and the light, the light is blinding, and the darkness is consuming and the love is gone the love is gone. i am not at home in the one vessel i have for my spirit. can i get a replacement? is there a warranty on the carrier of my essence? dance with me and sing with me and drink with me and smoke with me and numb your feelings numb your pain numbness is satisfaction and as a matter of fact, satisfaction smells like worms in the rain.

i am a person for equality i am of a nationality that presents me with an easier way across the street, a paved path to walk on, the white privilege meant i could easily defeat, anyones suspicions, all your nonsense superstitions, all your tired inquisitions, all your conniving accusations, declarations, the satisfying sensations that you leave dripping down my throat

i feel everytime i forget to wear a winter coat, it is a message from you, a dream in the way it is afloat, it will never actually be perceived as more than glasses that need to be cleaned but no one told me the world wasn't this messy, i grew up in a world that's so numb to their feelings it's depressing. and the weather, it gets colder than i planned for, my jacket still probably lying on the kitchen floor, i am getting older and the blasphemous ones wear sheep's clothing, my mom is in the basement crying in the basement cause she's insecure, she's not sure she's worth anything, not a price at a bargain store, please close the door, oh please no more, i do implore have some sympathy for my dystopian society it's not predicted (but it is) it leaves me conflicted (i start to hiss) it leaves me afflicted (with all your sins) and i will not repent, for the message is best sent through a "i'm disappointed" by your closest parent.

i will not listen nor will i give in, when the chorus comes in, when the guards come in, when the cops come in, when the lights go out, when the last bit of tension building inside my cranium as your fingers instrument a destruction of the last thing you have finally learned to call home, for when you are alone who is there to judge you for not conforming when you are the whole, you are 100% of whatever you want to be and if one day you can wake up and finally see the reflection that stares back at me from the awkward first compliments to the snarky half-assed arguments that ended with my sticking out my tongue at you and kissing you and forgiving you because no one is perfect and i am sorry, i am sorry i created a pedestal for you in my head, you know some days i'd rather be dead, or at least just in a coma something to give me a moment i got my highschool diploma like you said i was supposed to you said, nothing.

i didn't really plan to live this long. how could the world have done me so wrong? trying to teach me a lesson? but here i am just stressin? my fight or flight reactions actin up, i think i'm coming up, i think i've had enough, i think i'm kinda fucked up, someone get me off this ride i can't decide for the life of me why i get no sympathy, like the simple fact of my humanity, negates my value as a human being. i am seething, soon no newborn babies will be teething because the majority of people i ask on the street, seem to agree that this world ain't so organized and neat, and the people here all be trying to compete, trying to delete, any trace of their origins or else how are they supposed to make their fortune releasing an autobiography with insights the one and only, the prized show pony, the don't leave me i'll be lonely, the if you could see me maybe you'd tread slowly, maybe you'd consider the possibility that you are not everything a human can be, sure it is possible, but you sir are making me rethink making me wonder making me more aware, more scared, more fear, more here, less beer, more liquor and it's getting quicker to take a shot or two or three down my throat and the warmth has finally become an expected gift, it's not something i try to shift away from my body, it's not naughty to want to feel comfortable in your own flesh, you are some combination of all your physical features but most importantly you are a culmination of your choices, of every single one of the voices that you decide were worthy of being heard for a change, i know they may sound strange when they first start on the stage, but look at them, they are acting their age they are being vulnerable they are feeling satisfied without eating till they're beyond the limits of full, they are complete before you two even meet and if you refuse to give her the heat, the intensity, the devotion, the endless flowing fountains of emotion, she gives you all of hers if you just would pick her a pretty flower.

so what if, we were to develop a place where the motif, the reason for the season, the blinding sheet in which they are not told they are a project, no for once, they are not simply something someone has likely forgot, can't you see how i'm falling, desperate and distraught death is sometimes a thought, quite a lot. but instead i make a scrapbook, i get a pretty one, i make it fun, i try to make unburdening all the weights others put on my back a thing i do everyday but it's so much easier to say, to delay, to just offer "how much do i need to pay", what feminine figure of weakness do i need to portray so you can save her? every page has effort and time put into it and just because you're not as into it as that little girl fantasizing about that imaginary world doesn't mean you can't for one second for one, humble, moment, for one silent showing of hands, of all those who have demands from the dead, they must be read, we do not judge nor hold any grudge for the ending will be the same, no matter what personality we choose to play the game today.

#mine #for you know who #content... is heavy

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jujutsu-headcanons · 3 years

Note

Yes to Yuji wrecking Mahito! Just so much yes my boy needs to avenge those wrongfully killed!

See I wanted Geto to be on my shit list (as I'm not normally a bad guy lover) but I swear he wore me down reading the manga. Plus he's just so pretty he makes my brain all static noises 😳 Not to mention that backstory between him and Gojo like YES give me all the drama I need buried drama 🤩

Totally agree on the Mai thing. See I wanted to hate Todo too bc of well him beating on Megumi but the moment him and Yuji were just like "Big Dumb Meat Heads" together I threw that out the window! Those two together are *chefs kiss* Absolutely stupendous I never get tired of them 👌👌👌

Mai on the other hand is just crawling more and more under my skin. Like why you gotta be like that gurl? You wanna go in the crusty corner with Mahito? Cuz you gotta crusty attitude that needs fixing like yesterday 😐

Literary brain tells me it wants more drama/character growth between Megumi and Toji. But my useless overly big heart wants to punch Toji and protect Megumi at all costs bc he just showed up on the screen like the kool aid man and burst right into my heart and I shan't forgive Megumi for that but now I will die for him so ¯\_( ツ)_/¯

But I'm not the only one who lowkey fantasizes about self inserty type day dreams??? Like every day all day I got my thoughts flowing into 500 different lil oneshots I'm too chicken to post anywhere bc I havent written anything in a while and I feel I'm rusty. But your idea! YOUR IDEA WOO BOI- I'm not even a Gojo fanatic (like I adore him but my heart dick thudded elsewhere RIP) but that scene you described of straddling him just to rip his blindfold off in the heat of an arguement that's clearly deadly to either party- Just to see him on the brink of tears fighting back every emotion to slate his composure to cocky/uncaring. Only to have it obviously failing, and the metaphorical reality around you both crumbling along with Gojo's emotional state- Oh God I would read that crap outta something like that. It fills me with the angst and I thrive on it daily *heavy breathing* You should think about posting more of your original content too! Self inserty or not bc that sounds down right brilliant on so many levels

💛anon

Bro I can't help but feel had for Gojo. That shit must have hurted. Like he looked so calm and collected when it all happened but was he really? His best friend potential lover went feral and murdered an entire village AND his family then he tried to kill his first years once and now AGAIN what is happening. Did you see the look on Gojo's face when Yaga told him he went rogue? That was a face of hurt and betrayal he couldn't even begin to understand at the young age of... What was it, 17? 18? He was practically a little itty bitty baby compared to now. I haven't read the prequel yet don't laugh at me but I've heard it hurts so much worse having to face Getou back then AND now. Stupid brain worms, stop fucking around.

I wanted to hate Todo too hut before he even turned good I couldn't. I have a thing for big buff boys who have zero brains and too much brawns I'm looking at you Metal Bat, Captain Ōbi I just wanna adopt/marry them because in all reality they're trying their best. I'm really glad Todo exists and has his big brother delusion because honestly I think that's something Yuji needs, especially in the current arc. Yuji needs as much support as he can get.

PFFFT CRUST CORNER I cannot with you omg they do need to sit on the time out chair for s bit and think about what they've done lmaooo

DID YOU CALL TOJI ZENIN- FUSHIGURO THE FUCKING KOOL AID MAN AHAHAHHHSH oh my god i hate this so fucking much or were you calling Megumi the koolaid man bc really each one is absurd n e wayz I dunno bro I rlly can't wait until Megs wakes up post Shibuya arc and actually has time to process what the fuck happened to him back then. I really want to know if he can connect the dots by himself and realize holy shit that was the source of my daddy issues right there in the flesh and how he reacts to him being a curse and all that. There's so many ways that can go too it's scary to think about.

Low key unrelated but I have a theory that Gojo can see everything from his little cube prison and knows what's going on. Its probably because of the six eyes, or because he's just fucking Gojo, or even because Geto seems kinda sadistic and would do something like that. But I can imagine him watching Megs and Toji fight and it absolutely destroying him. For starters, Gojo killed him .... Right? Wtf is he doing back? What? Second don't commit suicide in front of your kid oh my god Toji what (I'm probably just salty because of a past experience, but also, calm down Toji oh my god) and third I can see it hurting Gojo because in a way it feels like he's been trying to protect Megumi. Its obvious Gojo has this attachment to Megumi, and maybe it's because they've known each other so long, but I don't think Gojo is prepared to deal with the aftermath. Does he have to tell him, if Megs doesn't put the pieces together? Will he have to knock some sense into him to actually tell him? Because he DID try to tell Megs once before and he avoided it like the plague. Its also gotta hurt when you feel like someone's dad and you witness them have a bad interaction with their other dad.

Throw in his daughter being on the brink of death, his other son being emotionally demolished, his second year kids lost in the void and not even his void, his best friend locked him in a box, his other best friend exploded, etc. I think Gojo I pretty distraught even if he doesn't show it

Bro okay my brain is riddled with ideas like this and 90% of them are always angst. Idk where tf they come from half the time but they exist and I hate it. They're always self inserts too.

So I actually read this ask last night, but due to personal reasons I didn't reply to it now, and I actually started experimenting writing out this scenario. I had to stop when I wrote the line "Approximately one year after the first finger was consumed, Itadori Yūji was formally executed. At three minutes to midnight, Sukuna Ryomen was expelled from his body, destroying the vessel along with it. The executioner was none other than the teenager's teacher and mentor Gojo Satoru. When Y/N awoke to this news, they attacked on sight."

Oh god I made myself so sad with that line

And i do really want to post some of my fics, like I did with Nobara Meeting Sukuna For The First Time. However, I only posted that because it was short and simple lmao it was basically just a meme I didn't even run it though grammarly like I do with the headcanons.

I like sticking to the headcanons as of right now because I feel like grammar didn't exist when I make those. I can spell things wrong and leave off punctuation and word then like I'm a third grader just learning English and no one will laugh lmao. Fanfics kinda stress me out because i want them to be perfect. I also have a hard time with fight scenes and transitioning and it's s mess.

I REALLY want to write out my Guardian Angel! Junpei AU because I think it's so cute. Just the idea that this boy is assigned to fight against fate and the higher ups and keep Yuji alive despite him being an idiot and a target is cute to me. Like I just canon him being the plantonic equivalent of in love with this boy and he feels like he rlly owes it to Yuji for trying to save him it's the LEAST he can do. Plus I need the mental imagine if Junpei annoying reader-chan into finding Yuji because "they play a pivotal role in Yuji's future" just for the "pivotal role" to literally be playing therapist and just being there for him and being a medium between Junpei and Yuji because guardian angels aren't allowed to reveal themselves to the person they're guarding but also/// he might risk his wings being stripped just to talk to Yuji one more time////

Okay I'm going to stop now

But yea, maybe if I have time and create little mini works like Nobara Meeting Sukuna For the First Time I'll def post them! I'll work on casually making them longer and soon I'll be confident to posts longer ones. But until then I hope just the headcanons at alright ;-;

#.ask #💛 anon #long post

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aacnaz · 5 years

Text

Arranged Marriage Alternative

@ravensflockofrobins

Jason took a deep breath, counted to ten, and released it.

This was stupid.

As Gotham’s head of Foreign and International Affairs, he had to be in meetings and deals that involved foreign countries. Doing it for a few years now, he knew that while he wasn’t perfect, he could get the job done. So far, things have been relatively easy.

Until today…

When his idiotic brother, Richard, decided that he wanted to break his 5 years old arranged marriage barely a month before his wedding...because he fell in love and slept with his bride-to-be’s best friend.

Richard barely avoided Jason’s punch toward his face.

He did not dodge the one to his gut.

But no matter how good it felt to punch his idiotic brother, that did not fix the problem.

Richard was supposed to marry Raven, the daughter of the legendary Trigon the Great, or Trigon the Terrible (depended on who you talked to). He was an impossibly tall man with the muscles to match. Known for his elaborate loincloths that he wore with pride, the only other attire on his body were forearm armor, leg armor that covered his thigh, and boots that came to his knee. Thick, black and intricate tattoos littered his chest and shoulders. He religiously wore a helmet with two thick and long horns that curved upward. His red eyes held mischief and his all-knowing smirk showed off his abnormally sharp canines. Known for his many conquests in a short timespan, Trigon was a formidable leader. Ruling many nations and having a vast amount of land, he knew just the right moves to make one’s land rich and how to make another starve to the brink of cannibalism.

Which is why when Bruce took Jason’s advice to make an alliance with Trigon, he wanted to hug his adopted father. He was still fairly new to his role as head of Foreign and International Affairs and while confident, he was also wary that his advice wouldn’t be heeded. Bruce, fortunately, understood the importance of being at least civil with such a ruler.

Richard, apparently, didn’t.

Which is why Jason, Bruce, and Richard was sitting on one side of Trigon’s negotiation table with their hosts, Raven and Trigon, on the other side (the latter with a shit-eating grin).

“My my, isn’t it a lovely day to talk about your breach in our contract.”

Jason held in his groan. He was sure that Bruce was feeling the same way.

“Now father, let’s not be too harsh.” Raven stared into Richard’s eyes as her cool, steely voice filled the room. “It’s not every day that your husband-to-be and your best friend sleep with each other in your own bed, at your own engagement party. I just wished I walked in when they finished and not right as they stained my sheets.”

Oh, that’s right.

How could Jason forget something so stupid!

At least Richard had the decency to look guilty.

“Rae-”

“It’s Raven, Richard.”

This was not off to a good start.

It was then Bruce decided to step in.

“Miss Raven,” she turned her eyes to the older man, “we would like to apologize for what happened and the disrespect we brought upon you.”

“I don’t want to hear it from you.” She turned her sharp eyes back to the guilty man in front of her as she continued. “I want to hear it from Richard, the man who is supposed to be my friend only for him to humiliate me on my own land.”

Everybody’s attention turned to the blue-eyed man who could normally charm himself out of any situation.

This was not one of them.

“Raven, I’m so sorry. I...I fucked up. You are one of my closest and best friends and I can’t believe I would throw away our relationship like it was trash. All I can do is ask for your forgiveness, but I understand if you say no.”

There was a tension building pause as all eyes turned to Raven, but she didn’t respond.

She just continued to glare at Richard, watching as he squirmed under her scrutinizing gaze.

Like a worm dug out of its soul ridden home.

Finally, she rolled her eyes.

“You are forgiven, Richard. You are a dick, but you are forgiven.”

A full smile spread across Richard’s face and Jason could feel the tension of the situation leaving him.

“We will not wage war on your land for your transgressions.”

Sweet sweet music to his ears.

“And our alliance is off.”

And just like that, everything came crashing back down.

“Wha-but I thought all was forgiven!” Richard exclaimed.

“It is,” Raven started as she shot them a bewildered look, “but you can not possibly think we can continue with the alliance if you can’t even follow through with your end of our contract. You should be grateful that this happened before the marriage and not after. Your head would’ve been sent back on a spike.”

Trigon smiled, made eye contact with Richard and added, “It’s a very lovely ceremony. One that involves days of humiliation before we chop off your head.”

Richard gulped as he rubbed his neck.

Jason let a little of his annoyance and frustration out with a small sound. Trigon’s military was one of the largest, deadliest, and brutal ones in history. They had a hundred percent success rate and was feared with good reason. The last few battles they were to engage in forfeited out of sheer terror. It was better to have someone like that on your side.

Not to mention Trigon had a large territory. It stretched so fucking far, it touched seven other nations as well as held near-complete control over the river that ran on the other side. And while Gotham hits it off well with all seven of the other nations, the nation that sat on the opposite side of Trigon’s was Hal Jordan’s, a ruler that didn’t hate Bruce but he did take great delight in having Bruce personally ask to use his roads.

They needed this alliance.

“Is there any way we can convince you to reconsider?” Jason looked from Raven to Trigon as he pleaded.

Trigon smiled as he shook his head. “Don’t look at me. I’m just here to watch this trainwreck.”

Jason turned back to Raven as she glanced at him with apathetic eyes.

“You are Jason Todd, second heir to the throne and head of Gotham’s international affairs?”

Jason nodded as he stared into her violet eyes. This was his first time really looking into them. It was also his first time meeting the elusive Raven. For one, he never had the care to meet Richard’s friends. Nothing against Richard. He didn’t have the care to meet any of his sibling’s friends. For one, he had a big family and his family tended to have this unnatural pull with different folks of different strokes.

It was a mess getting their relationships right.

But with Raven being friends with not only Richard but Tim and Damien, their younger brothers, one would think Jason had plenty of chances to meet her. She was invited to many of Gotham’s social functions and gatherings. And for some reason, their paths just never crossed.

Which was a shame, because anybody who can get Tim and Damien to be sociable to each other was worth meeting.

It was also a shame their meeting was under such unfavorable circumstances.

“While an alliance with Gotham would be nice, it is not a need. What do you have to offer that would make me reconsider?”

For weeks before this meeting, he studied anything and everything that had to do with Trigon’s province. Searching for anything, any little thing that could prove Gotham’s worth. He was only able to find one thing, and could only hope it would get them somewhere.

“Does that name Angela Roth mean anything to you?”

Jason watched as Raven’s eye widen a little.

That got her attention.

“How do you know that name?” she asked as she stared into his eyes. Her eyes were so beautiful. So intense. Everybody else seemed to vanish from the room as Jason returned her stare.

“I have intel that you are trying to find information on her. Ms. Roth happened to be a citizen of Gotham. I can help you with your research if you will continue our alliance.”

It was a small trade, and Jason knew that, but it was all he had to offer to the prosperous family.

But it seemed to be working.

Raven appeared deep in thought as she contemplated the options. There was a hesitant that colored her face, but also, a light of hope.

This just might work.

“No.”

Fuck.

“But…” Raven started, “if you were to agree to one other condition, I might reconsider.”

Okay. They still had a shot.

“And that would be?”

“You, Mr. Todd, are to find me a husband by the end of the month.”

There was a pin dropping silence that settled over the room. Every member of the Gotham kingdom brains took a pause as they collectively looked at each other and back to Raven to see if this was a farce of some sort.

“Ms. Raven, you can’t be serious,” Bruce interjected, the first to speak.

“How is he suppose to find you a husband in two and a half weeks? He just met you today. It’s a near-impossible task!” Richard passionately voiced the very thought that Jason knew was in everybody’s mind.

Raven nodded her head before she finally spoke.

“You are right. It is near-impossible, but when there is a will, there is a way,” and then she smiled a positively sinister smile that was only rivaled by her father’s as she added, “and I’m looking forward to watching you try to find your way.”

Her attention turned back to Jason, her smile never faltering.

“Do we have a deal, Mr. Todd?”

Jason looked to his apprehensive family before he turned back to the beguiling woman.

“You got yourself a deal.”

Why did he feel like he just made a deal with the devil’s daughter?

#jayraeweek2019 #Jason Todd #raven #Arranged Marriage Au #jayrae

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diariesofaworkingmom · 4 years

Text

New Beginnings...

Hey there! I know, it’s been a while since I last wrote. Got to deal with a lot of adult stuff, I was so busy. But since it’s lockdown, I have a lot of time in my hands. And I said, I will write at least 1-3 blog entries in a week.

For those who follow my blog, I did deleted my early entries. Why? Because as I was reading them, I just realized, what or rather who was the concept of those blogs. It was him. And as it is a new year, I wanted to start my personal blog with things about myself, my family, the things I love, my challenges in life, and my triumphs. So join me as I embark on a new journey, a journey of truly finding the peace and healing that I have always prayed for myself since this ordeal broke out.

They say new year is the best, it signifies the end of an era, a chance to start things right. It is where you can re-do the things that you have regretted, the chances that you did not take, let go and forgive, move on and live your life the way you wanted to.

Easier said than done right? When you are a person who is in their early 30’s and above, most of the time, you get used to your routine. I am not talking of course about the majority, but admit it, well at least I can speak for myself, that it is the case. We do the same things over and over again, we get somehow contented with what we already have and achieved, we tend to be satisfied about how we look, most especially for the married ladies out there, we feel that no matter how we dressed, we always feel secured about our boyfriend, partner or husband.

If there is anything that I have learned in my 34 years of existence,it is that you can never be secured of anything. One moment, your on top, you are so succesful, you were happy and you were so much in loved. And then, your life came crushing with something that you never thought would ever happen to you.

That was my case. I was so secured, I was happy and contented. And then, with just a snap of a finger, everything fell apart. I said earlier that this will not be about him, though of course, he would always be a part of what I write but this is more of me and what I have learned from the experience.

Coping with betrayal, anger and pain is so difficult. What makes it even more difficult is when you get it from the least person that you thought will never do it to you. But that’s life. There are some things that we would never understand, but as a wise man once said, everything happens for a reason. It may not make sense now, but it would definitely teach you something in the long run.

I was, for a long time in the grieving stage. All I could think of is how angry I am, how bad I wanted to get back on them for hurting me, how much I regretted all those years of being faithful, how I dedicated half of my life on him. How I forgot to take care of myself. I was hurting. There was not a night that I haven’t cried. Anxiety got the best of me and gave me sleepless nights taking a huge toll on my health. I neglected my responsibilities as a mom and my business. I was such a mess.

A friend told me, “it is okay to cry, it is okay to be hurt, healing is a process, it takes time, but don’t dwell on it for too long.” It took a long time for me to get used to my reality. Being single again after 15 years of being with one man was hard. I can’t imagine growing old alone. I began to feel scared. I felt self-pity. But dealing with so much pain made me realized how strong of a woman I am. Of how strongly I held on to him until I decided to finally let go. So, after going back in the Philippines, I suddenly felt I was getting better, little by little, the pain doesn’t keep me at night anymore, I was getting used to how it is now. And I felt at peace again. Something that I haven’t felt for a very long time.

After being emotionally stable, certain situations opened up a pathway for communication with him again. I said to myself that it would be just strictly business. But then, as the days past by, I felt at peace with how familiar the feeling was. It was something that the both of us were so used to. So I decided to be the better person and set aside the anger and pain that I am feeling to pave way for peace and healing.

Though, you are only human, and once you started to entertain those emotions, most of the time, it gets the better of you. It’s a risk. One may lead to being happy again, and the other might lead you to more heartbreaks and disappointments. For some, it is like opening a can of worms.

But then again, you will never know unless you give it a try right? Would you choose to stay angry for the rest of your life? Would you rather dwell in the past? Or would you like to start a new beginning?

If your going to ask me, I would choose the latter. So let me share with you some of the things that I have learned so far from my own experience.

It is okay to feel hurt. You have all the right to what you are feeling right now. It is okay to cry, or even scream. Let it all out. Once your done, make sure to wipe your tears, put some makeup on, stand and say to yourself, “Girl you got this!”

Even if you think that you got it all together, know that every once in a while it is okay to feel like the pain is still there. It is okay from time to time to think about it, healing doesn’t happen overnight. It is a process. It takes time. You don’t need to rush. Once the wound is fully healed, you’ll just smile to yourself and say for sure that “I am now okay”.

Learn to love yourself first. Take care of yourself. Dont deprive yourself just because you think you have given up. Dress up, put some makeup on. It is even okay to go to the gym and start a diet, just make sure that when you do this, it is for the right reasons. It is for your own well being. A chance for you to feel proud of yourself and not because you want to get back at someone. Remember, health is wealth. When you take care of your health, you are at your prettiest.

Keep yourself busy. When the mind is at work, you won’t have time for lingering thoughts. This is also good for your mental health. Go out, hang with your friends and family. You’ll feel better sooner than you expected.

Have a strong support group. Your close and trusted friends and family will always be there to support you. Don’t hesitate to talk to them. They will listen and love you no matter what. Talking about it will somehow lessen the burden.

Always try to keep calm. Being impulsive won’t do you any good. There’s a reason why the brain is placed above the heart. The heart sometimes makes you do or say things that you don’t really want and mean. When faced in extreme situations, take a deep breathe, ask the Lord for some guidance and think. Decisions are best made when you are not angry same goes if you are too happy. Remember too much of everything is also bad.

You are more than enough. Don’t think for a second that your not. Yes, we have our flaws, but that doesn’t give anyone the right to hurt, cheat and blame you for their own shortcomings and selfish desires. If you cheat on somebody you promised to be faithful to, then he is the problem, not you.

Pray for healing and Peace. God is always bigger than your problems. He is the only one that will understand you and he will never forsake you. Lift up everything to him as only he can give you healing and peace.

I’m sure that there are still a lot that I can say but let’s leave it at this for now. So to all my good ladies there with a good heart, one day, you’ll get what you deserve.

Keep up the faith. Your new beginning is just there, waiting for you to grab it. ❤️

#diairiesofaworkingmom #new beginnings #dealing with heartbreaks #love yourself #motivation #penny for your thoughts #empowering women

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cockbiteproductions · 5 years

Note

primed to scream PRIMES! PRIMES! PRIMES!!

f i just typed the answer to most of these questions and chrome crashed so christ i have to fucking retype all these but much condensed because i am lazy.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

chocolate bars. but only milk. my mom buys exclusively Very Dark Chocolate though so i usually just stare at those and Wish.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

well bubblegum or cotton candy flavored stuff neither they both taste nauseating. if we’re talking about the actual stuff then bubblegum because i can pop it. this actually reminded me i have gum in the pantry from the beginning of the semester i havent even opened yet so now my roommates have you to thank for popping noises the next hr or so

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

soda bottles because i dont like to drink soda quickly and so i want to close it and not let the carbon dioxide escape. soda cans a close second because it’s satisfying to open the tab.

7. earbuds or headphones?

wired earbuds because headphones are too big and clunky and you cant easily lay on your side with headphones on. but if my next pair of earbuds break within a month i might consider Switching because ive had 3 break on me in the past month and half and im at my wits end with earbuds.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

i dont eat much for breakfast cause i want to sleep in until the last possible moment and i get stomachaches when i eat a lot in the morning but ill eat a piece of bread and yogurt maybe.

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring but that’s just because i havent used a lanyard before. i think i would like a lanyard. im constantly looking for my keys in bags.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

this pair of black sandals that i have tan lines on my feet from how much ive worn them

19. sleeping position?

ill sleep however... i like sleeping on my left side. on my stomach with my head to the right. on my back with my arms crossover my chest to keep warm. at the end of the bed with my head where my feet should be. i dont move at all when i sleep so freshman year when i had a lofted bed i think my roommate was a bit concerned in the beginning when i refused a bedrail because she thought i might fall. i never fell which was nice.

23. strange habits?

oh man idk i probably have a lot of those but nothing i can think about right now when im being put on the spot.

in elementary school i used to refuse to step on the yellow tiles at school.

29. best way to bond with you?

talk to me about the stuff i love!!!! and watch the stuff i love with me!!!! i am always down to [whatever the rabb.it replacement is these days] stuff with people and just generally both yell at each other and be passionate about stuff. currently what im passionate about is the stuff im screaming over at @winstonbillions so talk to me about that stuff!! please. i am always 3 seconds from screaming about ANY of that stuff.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

idk about outfits to kick ass and take names but i have outfits where i get my ass kicked and name taken aka what i wear to exams. which is my tower of pimps shirt which ive deemed lucky. is it lucky in any way? no, but i’m hoping if i wear it enough to exams it might.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

duffel bag. suitcases are so large and unwieldily. that reminds me i have a suitcase of winter clothes in my trunk i need to take out.

41. last person you texted?

as in actual texts on my phone? that would be my dad. asking him if i should drop my class im failing.

as for the last person i instant messaged, that would be one of my mutuals through my musical theater sideblog im currently yelling at about [musical theater related interest]. im not kidding guys talk to me about the stuff i post about on @winstonbillions PLEASE

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

2 months ago i would have said hoodie but im kinda becoming a cardigan kind of person now. theyre just Soft and and Long and Casual and i love them. hoodies are too hard to take off.

47. favorite type of cheese?

mild cheddar, american, and mozzarella. i actually only Recently started cataloging cheeses in my brain to their actual names so for my entire life i was like i just like cheese even though there are certain ones i hate like swiss and blue cheese.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

a bit cold and a bit tired from typing all the answers to all these asks tbh. but other than that good. i just cut my nails because they were atrociously long.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“worm” or “fuck” or “no!” according to my roommate

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

oh my ogdokh oym ogdos sd fdospohm to mo edf ucmign fugod mfyo uacant just ask me this im going to absolutely die

in absolutely no order, all from completely from memory, and favorite for a variety of different reasons

“fuck you, math man. if you’re such a genius why can’t you count to loyalty” - mafee in 4x11 lamster billions

“captain, he think, and feels that much more powerful” - luminousbeings in you don’t have to (say yes) the star trek fic

“more than you know, i understand wanting to walk away from the jedi”“i know.” - anakin skywalker and ahsoka tano in 5x12 the wrong jedi star wars the clone wars

“i won’t leave you, not this time.” “then you will die” - ahsoka tano and darth vader in 2x12 twilight of the apprentice star wars rebels

“there is nothing so pure as a man on a mission. when faced with the fire, never quivers or runs. there is nothing so noble as sticking together, for lonely is the life lead when sticking to its guns." - narrator in bloodsong of love by joe iconis

“now i’ve got myself a name and i’m ready to risk it with a battle cry disguised as a sing-along” - never heard nothing by joe iconis

“i’m frickin done with being the loser, the wuss, the underdog. being the misfit, the old school analog. being the oddball, the weakling freak. the failure, the sucker, the please-don’t-speak. oh i can’t hardly wait for the moment when i’m not the loser the geek or whatever, ever again” - jeremy heere in be more chill by joe iconis

“i’m tired of being the person that everyone thinks that i am” - various in be more chill by joe iconis

“q is for quantitative, baby!” - winston in 4x12 extreme sandbox billions

“the cheering is just as important as the song” - lisa and ms. werring in the black suits by joe iconis

“first, best destiny” - spock in star trek ii wrath of khan

“be proud of your place in the cosmos. it is small, and yet it is. how unlikely. how fantastic, and stupid. and excellent.” - cecil in welcome to night vale old oak doors part b

“are we living a life that is safe from harm? of course not. we never are. the questions is are we living a life that is worth the harm?” - cecil in welcome to night vale parade day

“as I turned and my eyes beheld you, i displayed emotion. i beg forgiveness.” - spock somewhere in star trek tos

“the sky collapsed without a sound. these broken pieces hit the ground. the rain fell down around me and i drowned, but i will save you.” - part of me from dear evan hansen

“this is, after all, the story of how i died” - epsilon in the rvb13 trailer

“and while the law has many punishments for the atrocities we inflict on others, there are no punishments for the terrors we inflict on ourselves.” - the director in the s6 finale of red vs blue

that was in no way an exhaustive list but all i could think of at the moment

67. good luck charms?

not really any tbh. i try to wear my tower of pimps shirt whenever i take an exam but that’s about it.

71. least favorite pattern?

what does this even fucking mean?????? i will say the observer design pattern in programming because i don’t understand it well despite having used it twice now.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

oh god idk why are all these questions getting harder. nothing i can think of at the moment.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

i say school id tentatively, but neither of them looks great. my school id photo was a selfie.

83. writing or drawing?

writing. i wish to GOD i could draw and i probably could if i put in the amount of time i need to to learn how to draw but im a lazy bastard. but i’m not that great at writing either as i’ve found out. everything is way too short and out of character and too venty and i am weird about letting people i know read what i write (sorry @ all the people who keep asking me to let them read my writing. it’s not that great you’re not missing out at all and i hate the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known) and i abandon ideas literal minutes after getting them.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

what the fuck kind of question is this?????? i GUESS the answer should be me but uh i am not even putting myself before myself as i am procrastinating on a shitload of homework with this. i guess my “close” friends. they’re pretty chill. but generally ill do anything for anyone all you have to do is ask.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

4, my own, my home landline, my dad’s cell, and my dad’s work.

#not rt #teresa answers stuff #long post #jesus christ sorry for the infodump #Anonymous

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