#family stuff recently also has me in a funk

[risingsh0t]

i love u October but i'm ready to finish this crap month 💀

#i dont usually vent here SORRY who am i #this month has just been....not it #i'm starting a new job next month.. which i'm excited and overly anxious about #family stuff recently also has me in a funk #being optimistic abt next month being better #i need to indulge in some oc brainrot so bad #alyssa speaks

[whereianonymouslypostfics]

Midnight 

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x reader

Word count: ~4.7k

Summary: Wanda has been gone for work and you miss her

A/N: Hurt/comfort and fluffy fic because I can’t help myselff. 

Warnings: Hurt, comfort, some angst

You’d abandoned the popcorn in front of you long ago as you try to pay attention to the movie playing on the television. It’s Saturday night and you’re in your apartment trying to get out of a funk you’ve been in for a while with a horror movie marathon. It’s not working too well because you’re only on the second movie and your mind has already started to wander. Despite how much junk food you’ve eaten tonight and how excited you were to try and wind down after finals week, this night is a little bit of a letdown.

You only have one semester until you graduate and you can move on to vet school. You wanted to celebrate being finished with finals and finally being able to relax for a while. You did well on them and you should be relieved to be finished, and you are, but you’re also lonely. You’d been lonely these past two weeks, but you’d been able to distract yourself studying for the seven exams you’d had to take. Now that you were done, you had time to think about your girlfriend that you hadn’t seen in far too long.

You had been dating Wanda for a few months now, and to say that they were what you expected would be a complete lie. You had learned during the time you spent together that she was smart, thoughtful, and hardworking. You’d also learned fairly quickly that when she’d said that her schedule was unpredictable, she wasn’t kidding.

Sometimes you’d see her every day a week and you’d spend the night catching up and cooking dinner for each other. Other weeks you saw her twice, and sometimes you went days without seeing her, let alone hearing from her.

After Wanda had admitted that she wasn’t a student, she’d only told you the bare minimum about her job. She said she worked with her brother and they owned the family business that they’d inherited from their parents. When asked what the business entailed, she’d told you ‘a lot of things’ or ‘just boring shipping and manufacturing stuff’ and you got the hint that she didn’t want to tell you.

It wasn’t until more recently, right before her most recent disappearance, that Wanda told you that she wasn’t on the right side of the law. You’d suspected this, but having her tell you that it might be a while before you saw her again made it clearer.

You hated when Wanda went dark on you. When she didn’t text for days, it made the insecurities that you could push away when Wanda was with you come back with a vengeance. You’d question whether or not she actually liked you, and if she was just using work as an excuse to be away from you. Maybe she was seeing someone else who was far better than you were, and this thought put you into a slump similar to what you’re in now.

So yeah, you enjoy spending time with Wanda, but when she’s gone for extended periods of time, you’re at your most miserable. You sigh as you continue to pick at the popcorn in front of you as you consider what Wanda could be doing right now. You hope that work is going well, and that she comes back soon because you could really use a pick me up.

You fall asleep on the couch a little while later so you don’t hear your phone go off. It’s not until you wake up and decide to go to bed that you realize you have a few notifications. You ignore them because you’re too tired and you brush your teeth half-heartedly before crawling into bed. It’s almost midnight and you figure you’ll sleep in tomorrow. That’s the least you deserve from finishing all of your finals.

Wanda frowns as she reaches your voicemail again. She knows it’s late, but she really had wanted to see you today. You’d had your last final today and she hates that she missed the entire two weeks that you’d been so busy. She’d wanted to be here, but work called her away yet again and for far longer than she expected. She sighs as she gives up calling and decides to just check on your herself.

She’d driven over before she’d even gone home, so she’d been sitting for a while. She wanted to lie down, but she also wanted to check on you first to make sure you’re okay. Despite the late hour, Wanda can’t help but worry about you not answering the phone. She climbs the stairs to your apartment and takes note of how quiet it is. She tries to be mindful of this as she knocks on your door and waits to see if you’ll answer.

She checks her phone again before knocking one more time slightly louder. She waits for almost two minutes before she tries the door just to make sure. She’s alarmed when she realizes it’s not locked, and she’s quick to investigate. She opens the door and locks it quietly behind her as she pulls her gun and looks around the dark apartment.

She looks to the kitchen first to see that it’s empty, and the living room is equally so. The night light that you keep in the hall illuminated the area just enough for Wanda to see that your bedroom door was shut. She checks in the bathroom and then the spare bedroom before trying to figure out how to check on you.

She knows that if she surprises you, she might get a fist to the face as well as the neighbors calling the cops. The last time she’d scared you while you were sleeping, you’d screamed so loudly that your neighbor’s dog two floors up started barking.

“Y/n?”

You’re sleeping soundly and don’t hear her as she shuts the door behind her. She sees that nothing’s amiss and figures that you must have just fallen asleep and forgotten to lock the door. She plans on chastising you for this later, but for now she’s mostly just glad to see you again after so long. She sighs and puts her gun away before she reaches out for you carefully.

“Y/n, wake up. It’s Wanda.”

You think you’re still dreaming when you hear her voice and you shift so your face is under the covers. You want to stay sleeping so you can keep hearing Wanda’s voice, but something is trying to pull you from unconsciousness. You grumble under your breath as the covers are pulled away from your face and you roll away in annoyance. It takes you a good three seconds before you realize that someone’s in your room with you. You only keep yourself from freaking out by opening your eyes and turning back around to confirm your suspicion.

“Wanda?”

It’s dark, but you see her standing by your bed with a small smile. She’s dressed for work and looks tired, but she doesn’t hesitate to reach out for you.

“Hey, detka. Good to see you.”

You briefly wonder how she’d gotten into your apartment, but figuring this out quickly becomes unimportant when you realize that Wanda’s here. You haven’t seen her in too long and the excitement is enough to wake you up from your deep sleep and you sit up quickly. You smile widely as you reach out for her offered hand to pull her closer. It’s a little bit of an awkward hug given that she’s still standing, but neither of you mind as you hide your face in her stomach with a happy hum.

“Wanda, you’re here! I’m so happy to see you, but how did you...?”

You trail off as you release the redhead for two reasons. You notice as you hug her that she stiffens, and not in the way you expect. You want to ask about this, but first you would like to know if your girlfriend broke into your apartment. She seems to know what you’re asking and she shoots you a look that makes you wonder what you did wrong.

“The door was unlocked, Y/n. You should be more careful.”

You cringe slightly at the reminder that you’d completely forgotten to lock the door tonight. You had been wallowing in your self-pity and gorging on junk food, so you’d forgotten basic security. Luckily it was just Wanda who had come knocking, but you know that she’s right. You need to be more careful. You nod in agreement before you scoot over a little so Wanda can at least sit down.

 “Sorry, I fell asleep. Here sit.”

You smile as Wanda sits down beside you, but you’re quickly reminded of your second question when you notice that the redhead is still stiff. You frown as you reach out for her again and she realizes she’s caught as soon as you open your mouth.

“Are you okay? You seem tense.”

You know this could be a loaded question given that Wanda is coming off of what was undoubtedly a stressful two-week work stint. She just nods before she takes off her jacket and sets it aside with a sigh. You wait until she stands up again to take off her shoes, and gun before setting them aside. You think you almost have where she’s injured only seconds before she tells you what happened. You’ve always worried about her when she disappears for a while. You know that if she’s working there’s always the risk of her being in dangerous situations. So far, you’d both been really lucky and she hasn’t gotten too injured, and you just hope that tonight you’ll continue to be.

“It’s nothing serious, detka. I’m just a little sore.”

You don’t have time to ask or even let your mind run wild before Wanda’s unbuttoning her shirt. You wait with increasing anxiety as she finally reveals the angry, dark bruise that runs along her ribs on her left side down to her abdomen. You can’t stop the horrified gasp that leaves you when you see it, and you’re already moving to get out of bed.

“Shit, Wands. That looks awful. What can I do?”

You don’t even wait to hear her answer before you’re on your feet and heading to the bathroom. You have some pain meds from when you’d gotten your wisdom teeth removed that you never used. You’d never gotten around to throwing them out, and once you started dating Wanda, you figured it wouldn’t be a bad idea to hang onto them. You didn’t want to use them, but as you return to your room to find her wincing slightly, you’re glad that you have them for her.

“Here, let me go grab you some water. Then I’ll get you a change of clothes.”

“Y/n, it’s okay. You don’t have--.”

Wanda trails off as you shake your head and disappear through the door despite her protests. She just sighs in defeat as she takes off her uncomfortable shirt with a grimace. Despite this injury being a couple of days old, it still hurts like a bitch. She should have stopped by the compound before coming here, but she was exhausted and just wanted to see you as soon as possible. She hadn’t meant to wake you up and make you fuss over her.

“Here, this should help.”

Wanda thanks you before taking the offered medication with a smile. She doesn’t even bother asking what it is, but she hopes it’s something strong enough to put her to sleep for a while. She sets the glass down on the bedside table next to her gun as you bring her a change of clothes. You help her put the t-shirt on before helping her stand to finish getting changed. You wait until she’s under the covers before speaking up, and it’s not until she shakes her head that you go to lie down next to her.

“Is there anything else I can do?”

Wanda reaches out for you and you hurry to her side as she smiles at you gratefully.

“No, thank you. I feel better already.”

You roll your eyes at this as you get settled in bed with a sigh. You are too worried to simply go to sleep, and you can’t help but want to know what happened during Wanda’s absence. She turns to face you and isn’t surprised to see you shooting her a concerned look. She knows she needs to address it, and she will, but first she wants you closer.

“Come here, detka.”

You don’t resist the urge to cuddle close to your girlfriend, but you make sure not to hold her too tightly against you. You let her pull you close and you sigh tiredly before daring to ask.

“What happened, Wands?”

You lie in silence for a bit as Wanda recalls what had happened a few days ago. She’d been working on dealing with a new competitor that was trying to steal her business. They were unorganized and reckless, and confronting them had been as chaotic as expected. Wanda had killed more people in the past two weeks than she had in a long time. She’d been pressured into confronting them before she was ready because she had to stop an attempt at sabotage, and as a result there’d been a blood bath.

Bucky had been shot in the arm, but mostly everyone made it out with just some cuts and bruises. She’d only been injured because she’d gone off on her own to chase the self-proclaimed mobster. If getting hit with a bat wasn’t painful enough, her brother berating her for being reckless definitely made her regret her actions. Whenever he gets on her about something, she knows she’s really screwed up.

She conveniently leaves this part out because she knows you’ll probably get upset at her too. She doesn’t want to fight. She’s just glad that she’s here with you and that she didn’t get too hurt in the process of eliminating an annoying threat.

“Someone snuck up on me, but we took care of them.”

You don’t have to ask what this means, and you frown at the idea of someone hurting the woman next to you. You know that she deals with criminals, professional or otherwise, and they’d likely just shoot you before you could even touch them, but you still fantasize about punching them in the face. You know it’s a little more complicated than you’re imagining, but you try not to worry too much about what Wanda gets up to. You look up to see she’s watching you carefully for your reaction and you just sigh before shooting her a suspicious look.

“Did you see a doctor for this?”

Wanda is at least grateful that she can confirm that she did this. She’d honestly thought that she’d broken a couple of ribs, but luckily they were only severely bruised. She says this and claims that she got scanned and only left with pain meds and orders to rest. You nod at this and smile slightly as you dare to hope that she can stick around for a while. You’d never want her to be hurt, but you won’t complain about getting to have her around for a while as she recovers.

“How long are you around for? I’d hope you’re taking some time to get better.”

Wanda had thought about this for a while before coming to see you. She was told that she should take a couple of weeks, but she knew that this wasn’t going to happen. She was still busy and had some things she needed to do as soon as tomorrow. That said, when she’d left her brother earlier, she’d promised to remain scarce for at least tomorrow. Now that she’s told you what happened, she’d be surprised if you didn’t demand she sit out for longer.

“I’m supposed to take it easy for the week, but I still have work to do.”

You frown at this predictable answer and you’re already trying to figure out how you’ll convince Wanda to hang out for a couple of days. You’d already given her some oxy, so hopefully she’ll at least sleep through the morning, but you didn’t want to keep drugging her to keep her here. You’d prefer if she wanted to hang around opposed to being forced to do so.

“Well work can wait for at least a day. You’ll hang out here tomorrow.”

Wanda just smiles at you before she kisses the top of your head with a nod. She’ll take at least the day to relax with you and recover. Hopefully you didn’t have any plans that she was interrupting. She can already feel herself getting sleepy. She might end up sleeping through most of tomorrow.

“Yes, ma’am.”

You roll your eyes but say nothing as you lie down beside Wanda with a yawn. You are getting sleepy again, and now that Wanda’s taken care of you are able to relax. You close your eyes and breathe in deeply before turning your face into Wanda’s neck with a smile. You’re about to fall asleep to the soothing smell of her shampoo when she speaks up again. You open your eyes in confusion until her words register and you laugh quietly.

“How did your finals go?”

You hum in contemplation before kissing Wanda’s cheek with a smile.

“They were fine, babe. Go to sleep. We can talk tomorrow.”

Tomorrow comes sooner than either of you are ready for it. Wanda is still asleep at 10, but you need to get out of bed and make some breakfast. You’re careful not to wake her up as you sneak out of bed and retreat to the kitchen. You make sure that the front door is locked, even though you’re sure Wanda locked it, before you start on breakfast. You clean up a little from last night as your food is cooking, and once it’s done you set a plate aside for Wanda for whenever she wakes up.

You eat on your couch as you consider what you’re going to do today. Originally, you’d planned on going grocery shopping before relaxing for most of the day. Now that Wanda was here, you didn’t really want to leave, so you decided to just skip the store and go straight to relaxing.

A little later you’re in bed with your computer on your lap and your headphones in watching a movie. Wanda’s still asleep beside you, and you try not to disturb her as you watch your second favorite horror movie. You don’t notice her stir immediately because the best part of the movie has started, but once she groans and rolls onto her back, you pause it and take out your headphones.

“Hey there, sleepyhead. How are you feeling?”

Wanda doesn’t answer immediately as she blinks the sleep out of her eyes. She’s exhausted and she feels a little drunk from her extended sleep. She feels the familiar ache in her side and she sighs heavily before scooting toward you with a yawn.

“Tired. What time is it?”

When you tell her it’s nearly 1, her eyes fly open and you think she’d going to jump out of bed. You reach out to stop her as you try to reassure her that she hasn’t missed anything important. You run your hand through her hair as you list off what you’d already checked on.

“It’s okay, Wands. No one’s called you, or me, or shown up demanding your presence. Today’s about relaxing, okay? For both of us.”

You smile as Wanda frowns slightly as she thinks about this. She’s still tired, and she’s sure you’re tired from all of your finals, and given that it’s Sunday she really doesn’t have anything pressing to do. As realization sets in, Wanda lies back down and sighs in defeat before she shoots your computer a curious look. She nearly rolls her eyes when she sees what movie you’re watching. Again.

“I will need to get out of bed for food at some point.”

Wanda watches as you close your computer quickly before tossing it aside with a smile. You shake your head as you move to get out of bed, but you don’t quite make it before Wanda grabs your arm to keep you from leaving.

“I made you some breakfast, but I can also make lunch instead if you’d rather have that.”

Wanda shakes her head before tugging on you lightly with a pout that makes you cave far too easily. You fall back into bed and Wanda moves closer to you with a smile.

“Thank you, but later. I want to cuddle now.”

You can’t help but laugh at this, but you don’t refuse as you get back under the covers and pull Wanda closer. You wonder if the people in Wanda’s life knew how snuggly she was. You decide not to bring it up as you lie down with a groan. You could honestly spend all day in bed. Your brain was mush and your body ached, and you finally had Wanda back. You couldn’t think of anywhere else that you’d rather be.

You don’t realize that you both fell asleep until you are woken up by the sound of knocking reverberating through the room. You groan in annoyance before you realize that Wanda is still asleep. You mutter a curse under your breath as you get out of bed and go to investigate. You close the door behind you before heading toward the sound of increasingly loud knocking. You glance at the clock in the kitchen and realize it’s almost 6. Time for dinner.

“Hi, can I help you?”

You’re unprepared for the person on the other side of the door when you open it. He’s tall, blonde and built like a solider, and you have no idea who he is. If he wasn’t smiling at you, you’d be thoroughly freaked out. That said, you’re on your way there when he speaks up.

“Hi, my name’s Steve. I’m looking for Wanda, is she here?”

You have several questions that you’d like answered before you answer his. How did he know that Wanda was here? Who was he? And why the hell hadn’t you grabbed your phone? You frown feigning confusion before you shake your head in response. You’re not sure if Wanda has ever mentioned a Steve, but that doesn’t matter at the moment. You don’t care who he is because unless someone is dying, Wanda isn’t going back to work today.

“Sorry, you’ve got the wrong place, Steve.”

Instead of appearing apologetic or defeated like you were hoping, he just continues to smile as he looks over your shoulder into your apartment. He knows that Wanda’s here. He followed her here to make sure she got here safely, and now there was a problem that Pietro needed help with. He didn’t want to bother Wanda who he figured was sleeping considering she wasn’t nearby, but he did need her. He sighs quietly before opening his mouth to ask again, but you beat him to it.

“Who did you say you were again? Are you a friend?”

He takes a minute to consider how he should answer this. He’s not sure how much Wanda’s told you. He only recently found out about your existence, but the fact that Wanda was here now is very telling. She must trust you, and like you a lot, but still, she’s probably only told you the bare minimum because she’s always been paranoid.

“Yes. We’re friends and we work together. Steve Rogers.”

The last name doesn’t mean much to you, but he holds out his hand to you, a smile still on his face. He seems genuine, but if being with Wanda has taught you anything, it is to be cautious, borderline paranoid really. Still, you don’t think this man means you any harm. Other than trying to take your girlfriend after you just got her back.

“Nice to meet you, Steve. I’m Y/n, but I’m guessing you already knew that?”

You shake his hand, dropping it quickly as he smiles guiltily at your question. You’re not going to think too much about that and you sigh in defeat before trying to figure out your next move.

“I did.”

“Great, well Wanda’s resting, and she’s going to keep resting at least until tomorrow, so…come back then please.”

Steve opens his mouth to argue, but you shut the door in his face. You know you’re being rude, but you’re not letting Steve stress Wanda out after she slept nearly 12 hours. She clearly needed the rest and you don’t want her running off anywhere only to hurt herself more. You head back to your bedroom and are relieved to see that Wanda is still asleep. You sigh before getting back into bed and trying to relax again.

This lasts for 30 seconds before you hear a phone start vibrating. It’s not yours and you look around only to find Wanda’s phone on a chair in the corner with her folded clothes. You grab it and see that it’s Steve and you sigh in defeat. You answer it and can’t help but smile as you walk back out into the living room.

“Hello?”

“I really need to talk to Wanda, Y/n. “

You sigh loudly before you hang up the phone and walk back to your front door. Unsurprisingly, Steve is still standing there with his phone in his hand and a slightly annoyed look. You shoot him one back before you try to strike a deal.

“What’s so important that it can’t wait until tomorrow? Is someone hurt?”

Steve thinks about this for a second before he shakes his head. He’s not going to tell you the details because you won’t understand since he doubts Wanda told you about what happened to her, but he can tell you’re just as stubborn as he feared when you just frown.

“No, no one is hurt. We just need to talk about next steps.”

“You mean after she killed a bunch of people?”

Steve’s not expecting you to say this and he hesitates before shaking his head. He realizes he’s lying to you though, but you don’t give him time to take it back. You tilt your head slightly before asking the last question you plan to. Unless the answer is yes, you’re not letting Steve leave here with Wanda.

“Is Wanda in danger?”

Steve considers lying, but he’s really no good at it and he can tell you’re probably too smart to fall for it. So he just sighs before shrugging slightly and telling the truth that does nothing to convince you.

“Not any more so than usual.”

You smile at this despite hating the truth of the words and you prepare to close the door again.

“Okay, well not to be rude Steve because it’s nice to meet you, but please leave. Wanda will call you tomorrow.”

Steve just sighs in defeat before he decides to call it quits for now. Pietro can figure this out until at least then, and he can tell short of forcing his way in, he’s not going to get to talk to Wanda. He just offers you a wave before leaving.

“Alright fine. Nice to meet you too, kid.”

You frown at the name, but don’t bother arguing as you shut and lock the door behind him. You sigh in relief before you walk back to your bedroom. That was far more stressful than you anticipated it would be, and you felt wiped out. You notice that Wanda’s shifted since you left, but she was still asleep which you were grateful for. You were not looking forward to try and explain what happened just yet. She needs to sleep, and unless something drastic happens and Wanda is truly needed for an emergency, you plan to keep her here with you for at least the rest of the day. You were promised today, and you’d be damned if it was taken from you.

You kiss Wanda’s forehead and smile widely when she grumbles in her sleep.

“Night, Wands.”

Masterlist

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff fanfiction #silver springs #silver springs drabble #mob au

[aceofwhump]

HIIII

I’m currently not watching anything new, but AM going through a book phase??? (Haven’t finished a book in years, so thank you audiobooks and also probably Vyvanse?) Also I’m pretty sure some came from a rec post here???

I’d say that all of these books have:

- a focus on found family (!!!!)

- an angsty/whumpable male main character

- some hurt/comfort for said mc

- fantasy/magic with (imo) good world building

and are NOT driven by romance (anything that is there is side-plot), and do not include graphic sexual content (or, at least, it was insignificant enough for me to ignore it - same goes for the listed tropes, really - I was able to read with my fav trope blinders on, which doesn’t mean other stuff wasn’t there, but I can’t say that for every book)

1. Six of Crows/Crooked Kingdom (Kaz)

2. A Darker Shade of Magic/A Gathering of Shadows (Kell)

3. Dark Rise/Dark Heir (Will)

4. Sword Catcher (Kel)

(Why do they all have single syllable names mostly starting with K and ending with L?)

ANYWAY highly recommend (in order, from 1-4), and would love to know if you (or any followers) have recs for fic (of the above) OR other books that check the boxes (esp if heavy on the comfort!!)

THANKS!

BLESS YOU!!!! I love getting book recs especially fantasy books with little sex/romance!!! That's super rare nowadays so I thank you! I recently finished reading both Fourth Wing and Iron Flame and loved them both (despite them being very romance heavy I found that I didn't mind it at all and really enjoyed the world and the story) and now I'm eager for some more fantasy books to read. Thank you for the recs!! I'll go give them a look!

I have posted some Kaz whump fic recs in the past so I recommend you check out my Shadow and Bone tag for those. If anyone has fic recs for the others on the list please reply with your favs!!

As for other recs may I offer a few of my favorites? The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher, The Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind, The Ranger Apprentice books by John Flanagan, The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch, the Inkheart series by Cornelia Funke.

#books #book recs #whump recs #whumpy books #mod replies #ask

[p-redux]

Inbox Summary 9/29/2023

Hi peeps, so I'm going to try something new. For some of your Asks in my Inbox, instead of answering them individually, I'm going to do a combined summary post of all of them.

I'm doing this because a lot of the questions are about past stuff I've already answered. I don't have time to keep answering the same questions (Search is your friend, my friends), I don't want to take up space on my blog to answer stuff that has already been answered, and the main thing is, I'm TIRED.

I'm in one of my fandom "meh" moods. I get into fandom funks every once in a while, where I'm over it, and don't feel like posting. BUT, I love you guys, and I know the next big scoop is just around the corner. Every time, I say to myself, I'm just going to fandom retire, Cait gets engaged, Sam is seen with a new woman, Cait gets married, Sam is seen with a new woman, I get the scoop AHEAD of time that Cait is pregnant (remember when I posted MONTHS before that someone from Outlander was pregnant? and 'lo and behold, that August, Cait announced she'd had her son), Sam is seen with a new woman, Cait has her baby, etc, etc. So, I don't give up...because I know there's more stuff coming, and also, like I said, I really enjoy my Team here.

So, what I'm going to do is either on Fridays, Saturdays, or Sundays, depending on how busy I am, I'm going to do a weekly summary of answers to some of my Inbox questions. They will be short answers. And for further details, you guys can just Search my blog or Search Google.

I'll still answer some questions individually, but it will depend on the subject, and how busy I am in RL. Please keep sending me questions and DM's. I'll answer them. Some won't be answered as in depth as others, that's all.

So, here we go for this week's round up...in no particular order:

Susie Evans is in Austin with friends.

_

Sam is still in the UK. Cait is in Paris.

_

Sam is expected in New York next week, for the Keepers of the Quaich event ON Cait's birthday, October 4. For those gnashing "why do you think Cait wouldn't go to New York to spend her birthday with Sam?! She could?! They're friends?!" Um, yes, they're friends...but REALITY CHECK: Cait is married to Tony McGill and has a toddler son with him. Logic dictates that Cait and family aren't going to schlep from Europe to New York to be with Sam, who is simply her friend and costar, and NOTHING MORE. Cait will spend her birthday with her husband and son, and she has a TON of friends, she's not going to fly to NY expressly for Sam. Plus, he's BUSY on her birthday, remember? He's going to be at that Keepers of the Quaich event.

_

No, Sam and Sophie Skelton never dated. Sam never posts who he dates (except when he went Instagram official with Mackenzie Mauzy, but that was after 2 years of a committed relationship), and he posted pics with Sophie on a motorcycle at his Glasgow home. If they were secretly dating, he would have been much more secretive about it. I mean, I hope Sam is into some kink, but da/daughter ain't one of them. Who's your daddy? hahaha.

_

By now, we all know Sam's ex, Abbie Salt is fighting some type of cancer. Yes, she hasn't posted in a while. I'm worried about her too. But her sister, Charlotte Salt, has posted, and she posts on her professional design IG accounts as well. If Abbie had taken a turn for the worse, I don't think her sister would be posting. I hope Abbie makes a full recovery, wish her all the best.

_

Yes, I know, Sam's ex, Anna Modler is pregnant and having a baby girl.

_

Thanks for letting me know that two other of Sam's exes, Hannah James and Mackenzie Mauzy recently started following birthing, doula, and parenting accounts on IG. Looks like their next adventure is motherhood. Also wish them all the best.

_

The podcast with that IG influencer that was supposedly going to have some Sam content, as far as I know, there hasn't been any Sam mention. So, that was all smoke and mirrors, trying to get some free advertisement. Nothing to see there.

_

The two blonde, blue-eyed Scottish IG influencers supposedly being linked with Sam. I see no evidence of that. Again, seems to be just smoke and mirrors, and names dropped in my Inbox to see if I would post them or not. Nothing to see there.

_

Asking for a cheat sheet of the women Sam has dated and what do certain initials mean. I've done plenty of posts summarizing the women Sam has dated. Please Search my blog or Search Google. As for initials, I don't use initials, I post full names. So, if you see a woman's initials, match them to the full names I've posted.

_

Cait's dad's funeral. And do I have questions about Sam being there? Um, that's all Extreme Shipper bullshit, lies, spin, deception, and now they've sold it as shipper canon. NO, I don't have any questions because WHO was at Cait's father's funeral is VERY clear. Again, Search what I've posted. There are pic, video of Cait sitting next to her mother, and the "Sam is sitting next to Cait but he's wearing a wig" is her brother. NOT Sam. Tony is sitting in the rows behind, holding baby BalfeMcGill, as are other spouses. NO ONE from Outlander went to Cait's dad's funeral. Please THINK. Cait has a big family and she has a TON of friends, some she has known for YEARS. If anyone was going to go all the way to Ireland for her father's funeral, it would be her immediate and LARGE extended family, all the family's friends in Ireland, and then Cait's close friends. Sam and Outlander people aren't even in the first few rungs of WHO would get invited to the funeral. And yes, that includes, Sam Heughan. Besides, Sam was in Las Vegas during the funeral, and there are lots of posts showing that.

_

I know the TRUTH about Cait and Sam never dating, and Cait being with Tony since 2014. I know this thru verifiable and identifiable sources who directly and personally know Cait, Sam, and Tony. So, there are NO questions for me, because I've known the TRUTH for 9 years. It's that simple.

_

As, for my little frothy pet troll who sends me weekly rants about Sam. You can keep going, but all I do is laugh and laugh at how pathetic you are. What you write doesn't upset me because I'm not personally invested in Sam. I'm really not. I post about him because I get info about him, and people are interested in it. But I don't care one way or the other. My IP tracker tells me where the basement is from where you gnash and froth so desperately. So, go ahead, make my day, but I'm NEVER going to post what you send me. You'll never get that satisfaction. Never. Try me.

Okay, peeps, that's it for the summary. I may do more on Sunday. And like I said, I'll still answer individual questions, depending on what they are. If you ever want to know something from the past, please just Search my blog. If you can't find it there, then go to Google and Search p-redux and names or words you're looking for, and all my past posts will pop up.

Thanks for reading!

#samheughan #sam heughan #caitrionabalfe #caitriona balfe #tony mcgill #tonymcgill #tait #mackenziemauzy #mackenzie mauzy #hannahjames #hannah james #abbiesalt #abbie salt #cancer #charlottesalt #charlotte salt #annamodler #anna modler #jimbalfe #jim balfe #funeral #susie evans #susie nicole evans #austin #sophieskelton #whos your daddy #troll #frothy #pet #extremeshippers

[digitalsatyr23]

A late Writeblr Introduction

Beautiful art of Selena by the wonderful @extremely-nervess

Hello! I’ve been wanting to break out of my shell and interact more with the writeblr community, so here I am! Feel free to interact with me, whether in the form of asks, tag games, writing/WIP/OC questions, or similar stuff. Also if you would like me to take a look at your work, feel free to ask! I am a very slow reader, but I do enjoy reading quite a bit.

About my writing

I am primarily a dark fantasy writer who has been writing stories and running D&D/Pathfinder games out of my setting Arachnia for well over a decade by this point. (Although more work is on the gaming side, I’ve been trying to expand my library of literary works little by little.) I also dabble in horror, sci-fi, and mixtures of those genres. My works tend to be very character-focused with (relatively) simple plot lines. Very A -> B type stuff, though I have been experimenting a bit more as of late. Morality varies by the character. Some of my characters are heroes, others are... Not so much. Some are just regular people trying to figure themselves out. If that sounds interesting, quite a few of my stories are posted here. I also have a fanfiction I’ve been meaning to get back to.

About myself

I’m a 32 year old guy who has a great love of stories, art, and self-expression. I’ve recently shaken off a writer’s funk that kept me from really doing... Anything. If I’m being totally honest, I’m not in the best of places mentally. I deal with schizophrenia and depression on the regular, and I do what I can to deal with the day-to-day. Stories are... My passion. My life. I use them as a form of escapism, yes, but they help me cope. That’s just how it is. I also quite enjoy video games, cartoons, anime, music, and just about everything else I can find different kinds of stories and characters in. I sometimes talk about those things, so you might see non-writing posts on my blog.

WIPs

Saria, Hero of the Forest: An Ocarina of Time fanfiction set in an alternate timeline where Saria of the Kokiri has to take up the mantle of hero. In the beginning, the story follows the events of the game almost to a T (including existing dialogue), however events begin to shift and change as the story progresses... I also use this story to explore fan theories and expand on characters I really like that didn’t get much screentime, as it were. There are currently six chapters available, with the 7th that’s been waiting... Waiting for me to get my act together!!

Bebop Bayou Tales: Stories about a self-proclaimed protector of the swamp, Rina Woodshed! She’s a gator girl that goes on adventures with her friend Lafayette, a grey fox boy. The bayou and its surrounding lands seem to attract all sorts of wayward monsters and spirits, and Rina does everything she can to keep her home safe from harm. There’s already one story in this series that’s finished, but many others are going to be added to the series!

The Book of Songs: A long term project I’ve been working on every so often for quite some time now... It’s the story an immortal assassin trying to escape their past and live a normal life as well as a young girl who is saved from being burned at the stake. Together, these two try to find a place they can call home. The first book in the series is already finished (though I have yet to find a publisher for it), and the second book has been pending in the 2nd draft stage.

Collab Story (title unknown): Another long term project that involves me and three other friends creating a collaborative story involving our characters (including Rina, since her setting is a part of the collab setting as a whole). It begins with a young mage performing a dark ritual, despite the many many warnings of the school faculty. The next thing she knows, she’s dead... But it seems an enchantment she put on a family heirloom gave her a second chance at life, so she awakens as a lich, though her memory seems to be damaged. Soon after waking, she finds the family heirloom missing, and in her quest to get it back, she learns of a terrible plot and dark forces trying to gather a set of four ancient artifacts... One of which is her family heirloom. This particular story has a whopping 29 chapters to its name, though since it’s a very friend-to-friend work, I don’t think I’ll be allowed to show it until it’s finally finished.

What Keeps Me Going: A short story (or possibly novelette) I’m currently working on as a commission for a friend that takes place in my setting, Arachnia. It’s about a young adventurer named Reah Fenae who stumbles upon a village that has been beset by vicious boarmen called porga. After rescuing a child from imminent danger, Reah puts her life on the line to save the villagers from a fate worse than death.

Wonderful art of Rina by the very talented @delightful-69​

#writeblr #writing community #writeblr intro #writers on tumblr

[thestalkerbunny]

What is lollipop chainsaw?

Lollipop Chainsaw is a hack and slash zombie adventure game from 2012 (I was about 16 when it came out) where you play as hot bimbo cheerleader Juliet Starling on her 18th birthday who has a cool secret, she and her whole family are actually zombie hunters. And it just so happens on the day of her birthday-a Zombie Apocalypse is happening and destroying her whole town. And it's up to chainsaw welding Juliet to not only save her school and the town-but her family as well.

I've always been a big fan of the game because uh well, I was kinda in love with the villian Swan from the trailer because I was also an angsty grimey goth teen dillusioned by the world; extra grumpy and I saw him and not knowing any further context about him, I was like 'THAT ONE.'

My favorite is THAT ONE. (Thus starting my long time love affair with terrible terrible characters)

But the game mostly revolves around you beating up 5 bosses known as the Dark Purveyors who are all based off different genres of music (Punk, Metal, Psychedelic, Funk and Rock) And also double as representation for Swan's deteriorating state of mind

So YEAH. It's this old weird campy game I've liked a lot from afar from 2012, it was directed by James Gunn, you know, the Gaurdians of the Galaxy Guy that did some stupid shit a while back. And the og game apparently has a lot of pop music and stuff and Zed the punk zombe is voiced by Jimmy Urine and he also did a lot of the stage music.

Recently it was announced Dragami Games bought the title and is going to do a remake sometime in 2023; So that makes me VERY excited cause I could never play the original game (or find a copy) because I'd have to play the game in the living room and I kinda get anxious when people watch me play weird games who are my family.

#TSB ask #Lollipop Chainsaw

[formerlyknownas-delight]

I feel like participating bc New Year and such. There we go! Name: who's asking, the FBI?

Pronouns: She

Star sign: Pisces. I don't like that it's the only sign that's plural. Except gemini, but there it makes sense. Why several fish?? What are they doing together?

Number of siblings and fun facts about them: A slightly younger one who always has the best song recs. We mostly communicate via cat sounds.

Number of pets and their names: Bantam Silkie chickens: Fiederich the rooster and the hens Wilhelmine, Hilda, Rosalie, Agnes and Anathema Five cats: Charon "Fritzi" the former stray, Gwynn "Körnich" the beautiful orange idiot, Lieselotte "Lotte" the chonky introverted senior, Mucki "Don Muckelone" the scröngely mobster granny and Beau "Böbi" the visually impaired, kitten-sized annoying little sibling.

Fandoms: Alltime: Tolkien, Buffy, Ink-trilogy (which made me pick my path to become a bookbinder), The Tribe The Raven Cycle, The Locked Tomb, Discworld, The Sandman Call the Midwife (such a feelgood show), Critical Role

favorite color: Purple

favorite song: Alles ist Gut by Reinhard Mey

favorite author (books, fanfics, zines, webtoons, etc.): Tolkien, N.K. Jemisin, Maggie Stiefvater, Cornelia Funke, Tamsyn Muir, Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett

Favorite fic type: I very very rarely read fanfiction. I'm a simple woman: Explicit f/f with 3 chapters max

Favorite holiday: Halloween. No active christianity, no family obligations, recently a workfree day where I live

Do you have a partner (romantic, qpr, etc.)? 2! One for 13 and one for 3 years. We recently moved in together and it's a delight allaround.

Hobbies: So many crafts, for example resin pouring, crocheting, polymer clay stuff. But also reading. Playing video games (always Sims, but also DA, BG3, Planet Zoo...But I'm only good at Dorfromantik).

Fun facts about you: I'm a traditional bookbinder and love my job to bits, but I really despise doing paper crafts like origami or window decorations

#following the fish #f #memes

[nenekiribookwyrm]

CWs: mention of death.

March 2023 Update!

The weather continues to get warmer and my scales are thankful for it. I've had a massive case of cabin fever lately and been itching to go out flying in weather that won't freeze me into a dragon popsicle. Here's the update on what's been going on around the castle this past month.

Firstly, I had a death in the family about halfway through the month that knocked me off-balance in terms of getting things done. Add to that finishing up an intensive project at work and it might not be a surprise that I didn't get much done creatively this month. I'm trying to be patient with myself as I move through the grieving process, but being creative is a big part of how I like to spend my free time. So the last half of March has been a blur and I'm hoping that next month I'll be able to pull myself out of the funk and start making things again.

If you didn't see me talk about it last month, I was recently published in Happy Howlidays: A Furry Short Story Anthology which has a bunch of holiday themed stories and features my story "One Last Winter Ride". I'm pretty proud of how this one turned out and hope that you'll check it out! https://thurstonhowlpub.storenvy.com/products/36440494-happy-howlidays-a-furry-flash-fiction-christmas-anthology

I joined a werewolf themed game jam at the beginning of the month and while I haven't worked on my submission as much as I had anticipated at the beginning of the month, I am still excited to submit whatever I have done. I think I'm going to need to pivot my project into something with a lot smaller scope if I want to submit something complete, but I have a few ideas that might work for that. It's just making sure that I make the time to get those ideas written down. If this sounds cool to you, please check out the list of games once everyone has submitted theirs and play them: https://itch.io/jam/werewolf-jam

The current deadline is April 6th, which is the next full moon, so howl with us as we play some fun indie werewolf experiences.

We're in the middle of Furry Awards Season and the window to vote on your favorite furry books and short stories is closing fast! The Ursa Major Awards close at the end of the month, March 31st and the Coyotl Awards close voting on April 15th. Make sure that you vote and make your voice heard:

https://ursamajorawards.org/Voting.htm

https://coyotlawards.com/2022-coyotl-awards-ballot/

Twitter is going through another death gasp, and with the proposed changes being implemented soon I figured it was a good idea to mention I am other places. You can find me at the links over here: https://nenekiribookwyrm.carrd.co/

It feels like Tumblr and Cohost are going to be the places I post a lot of stuff should Twitter fall, so be sure to check those places if you want to keep up with me on social media.

Contact your representatives! If you live in the United States, there are a ton of anti-trans bills that are being pushed through right now and we need to call our senators and house members to let them know that won't fly. There's also the matter of the Tiktok ban bill, also termed the RESTRICT Act, that is much more than a proposed ban on Tiktok. It has a lot of wide reaching applications that could make privacy on the internet much more difficult in the future. I would recommend reading up on the bill and then calling your reps to let them know how you feel. It's a rough time for LGBTQ+ folks, especially trans people, and we gotta stick together through it.

I've been catching up on reading and as such, I'm posting reviews over to my Goodreads account: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/97223644-nenekiri-bookwyrm

Of note this month was Rafts, the debut book from Utunu which I enjoyed quite a lot. A very sweet gay love story that touched me.

That's about everything I have to share for this month. Here's to healing and a better state of mind the next time I speak to y'all.

Curl up with a good book and be kind to yourself

#monthly updates

[new-eyes-extra-colors]

1, 6, 7, 15, B, D, & H for the uncommon asks?

[uncommon character asks]

1 What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

I think it would depend on her current mental state. If she's in a real "can't do anything but stare into the middle distance" funk, I'd say an hour or two of that before she manages to shake it off. In a more manic state of mind, I think it'd be down to minutes before she'd start bouncing a leg, pacing, or playing with her hair.

6. Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

Nora considers law flexible, in that she believes more in the spirit of the law than the letter of it, and it's the spirit she tries to uphold during her time as a lawyer. (That doesn't always go so well, or earn her many friends.) She believes that circumstances do affect whether something is right or wrong, and takes things on a case-by-case basis rather than believing morality is black and white.

After the War she has certain standards of morality she tries to stick to, and for a while falls into the habit of asking Nick, Piper, or her other friends what they think the best way forward is. The Commonwealth being what it is, she also occasionally just resorts to violence to get the outcome she wants (and then struggles with herself over whether that was really the only/best way forward). She's not convinced she should have the authority to make those kinds of decisions.

7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

Taste and smell is a big one for her. Favorite foods she had before the War (tamales and lemonade are the main one) tend to make her feel nostalgic for family (especially her grandmother, whose tamale recipe Nora uses and tries to replicate once she's in the Commonwealth). Whether that's a happy thing or a sad thing depends on the day, so once she knows something will elicit that feeling, she's careful about triggering it.

15. How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

Nora usually thinks through what she says, or prevaricates if she can't come up with something on the spot. She gets lax about this if she's around people she trusts, being more willing to say what pops into her head or ask questions she might otherwise be expected to know already. After waking up in the Commonwealth, it takes her a while to become comfortable asking stuff that she perceives might be common knowledge, because she doesn't want to appear naive or easy to manipulate.

B. What inspired you to create them?

I talked a bit about this in this post under the "milky way" question, but I originally started playing FO4 as the male sole survivor and didn't think of Nora past being a background character in his story. It's why when her husband is referred to, he's named Dana instead of Nate, and Nora has the default name. I just got sick of hearing about all the other characters' dead wives and decided to un-fridge the one I had narrative control over.

Rest in peace, Dana. (...I have a few sketches of a very self-indulgent AU where he and Nora both survive. It's significantly more comedic than the fic I'm writing.)

D. Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

Nora's general appearance has stayed the same, yes. I've edited her in game more times than I can count--her hair especially I haven't managed to get right with the mod options available to me, but I think I've finally settled on a face for her. Also, here's some old art showing some of my first sketches of her (~2020) to more recent stuff.

H. What trait do you admire most?

Probably her ability to keep outwardly calm under pressure, so that even if she's feeling anxious it doesn't show. It's a skill she honed both during her childhood and her time as a lawyer.

#yikes sorry this took a minute #autumn.oc #oc: nora navarre #thank you for the ask!! i want tamales now. #nora's sense of morality is something that gets increasingly mangled #the further into the story we go #i think the way far harbor goes is that she OFFERS to whack tektus for dima before he can even bring it up and he's like #...let's table that for a minute okay #big f in the chat for nick who has to wrangle that mess

[breathenbounce]

Life block

I am truly sorry I didn't get this done on Wednesday. I have been so good about writing these things on Wednesday, but this week has been a tough one. First I didn't even know what I wanted to write about. What great wisdom could I impart on the small amount of people who read this. Then I realized it's not just writer's block I was suffering from, I was in the middle of a life block as well.

Last week somehow I really hurt my hip. So I have taken a week off from doing my usual routine of fitness which included the yoga and I felt like absolute dog shit. In fact this week has brought up so much shit for me, it has been just difficult going through day to day stuff.

I find myself laying on the couch most of the time, watching FB reels, seeing pictures of my family on my phone randomly come up, just feeling totally miserable. You see, BPD sucks. Sometimes you lose your identity, and then you feel like crap. I have been so depressed since 2015 and it has brought some real havoc into my life. One of the worst parts of my depression is it manifests as anger. I also am so afraid of losing people in my life, I don't always tell them how I feel and what they really truly mean to me. I feel like when I do, they run away, and I have seen that happen recently with some people. So I find myself uncomfortable to live in my own skin.

Taking this break has helped me feel better physically buy mentally it has done a number on me. However, I think there's other things going on. I vomited all over my therapist yesterday with all my depressive stuff and then I drove home hoping to feel better. I didn't. I just drove home in silence with the music off. When I got to Algonquin Rd, I did a shuffle with my music, couldn't find one song I wanted to listen to. Truth is I brought much of this shit on myself. However its because I didn't know how to survive with all these mental health conditions I have. I've lashed out, been defensive, blamed others, etc, etc. I have truly been working hard to reinvent and grow, but I don't feel like I am growing.

People tell me I am, however people important to me refuse to talk to me. I started medication in hopes it would help my depression. Lately, it hasn't. I feel weird when I get around people lately. Like I would rather be anywhere else. I went to a slow yoga class yesterday where we did little movement and it was more like meditation. Every time I go somewhere, I feel like people don't like me and think I am weird. I don't want to talk about it because people will then accuse me of trying to get sympathy, or some other bullshit like that.

Usually here on GC and BNB, I try to be positive. Mainly because I want to help others. I hate to see people feel this way that I'm feeling. Lately I feel like I am not helping anyone, most importantly myself. I got certified to teach yoga and no one wants me to teach. People say they want me to but when I show initiative to want to, I'm shut out. I am trying to put together experiences and having difficulty finding places, but then I say to myself, will people actually come? No one cares about the show.

Then my logical mind or wise mind has to come into play and say that it takes time to build a brand. Then I have to ask myself am I doing the best I truly can? Is my depression stonewalling me from reaching a higher level? I think about so many of the sins I have committed in the past and it makes me feel like maybe I don't deserve anything. Maybe I deserve to be alone. Maybe BNB won't help anyone. Maybe I’m just too much for people and I just have to accept that that I’m not anyone’s cup of tea and people just say things to be nice to me and they don’t really mean them.

Yes, I am in a funk, and I hope I can find a way out of it soon. I feel like the hole gets deeper and deeper that I have to crawl out of day by day. However, I still keep crawling out just to fall back in.

I guess I'll keep fighting. I don't know what else to do. Keep fighting too.

Love,

Michael

#mindfullness #breathenbounce #bpd #depression is a bitch #sorry for being depressing #depressing shit #dont want to be here

[princessaurora11]

Diary 5/17

I didn't realize it had been so long since I had written an entry until I just redownload the app and looked at my post history XD

I guess I'll write a general update then write a few things about today.

In relation to my last post and why I haven't written in so long, life went downhill since then but uphill since recently I guess? I got really depressed, mostly because of how stressful my job is and how many panic attacks I've had because of it and how customers and management treat me.

I almost quite SO MANY TIMES. But never did for one reason or another. I went through with my plans to go see my best friend, it helped me a lot in getting out of my funk from just working day in and day out. I finished her custome backpack and gave it to her when I went to see her, finishing it while at her dad's house lol.

I took a ungodly amount of photos, we went to get grandpa's the morning after I arrived, went to hot pot with her family because her uncle and his family were there at the same time, complete coincidence in timing but known about beforehand. I got a keychain from the boba place we went to, it had a claw machine and all the other customers slowly noticed me and all started reacting to me and cheered when I won on my last turn XD we went and bowled, I got overstimulated after such a long day and eventually had Amber play for me because I just needed to sit :p We went to a play at a collage, it was nice.

We stayed at her grandpa's over night and the next day went to San Francisco, I found a few bobbles like a monarch butterfly pin for my hat which matched the short I was wearing and a cute second hand cottage core shirt, it's my new favorite shirt hehe, we stayed at her grandpa's house again overnight and went back to her days the next day.

We went on a lot of hikes after we got back to her dad's on day 4, I'm just gonna put in a bunch of my favorite photos, a hike is a hike and I don't remember details about stuff like that. Other than that the first hike we went on we got water logged and I wasn't happy. I'll make a part 2 because I'm at my photo limit lol

I bought some second hand DS games at a second hand game shop, I know there's more but I've got a small working memory and I'm getting bored of talking about the vacation I took 2 months ago lol

I got stuck on the plane an extra hour because of a inside storage unit not closing 😑 then my Lyft home got us lost by missing our exit and ngl I wasn't sure he didn't plan to steal me or something.

Updates outside of my vacation:

I got my electric bike, I'm making payments I stead of paying all at once because my twin borrowed all my savings from me 😑 he's being really slow at paying me back but also he's having a hard time in Ohio or Iowa, idk lol. His friend was murdered and his new roommate bailed. I know he'll pay me back eventually but I miss having actual savings 😑

I still wanna quit my job sometimes but I'm also used to it and really close to my 1 year bonus so I'mma wait for now. I finally went to the dentist again after trying and failing for so long, I should be getting my broken tooth removed soon.

I started paying for a Minecraft realm for me, my best friends and a few other people like her brother and his friend. It has the Medevil Minecraft mob pack on it.

I decided to keep trying to start my crochet club at the library, found out I can't, found out there's a stitchers group at the library already and on my day off so I went today. It did end up being a crochet and knitting group, as expected all the women are. 60-90 other than one who's around 40 lol but they were nice ladies and one of them wants me to help her learn to make a frog toy she bought a kit for. The kit installations were shit and poorly written so I'm gonna leach her how next week ✌🏼

Well that's enough for now, Aurora out ✌🏼✌🏼✌🏼

#diary #dear diary #san fransico #vacation #hiking

[finiteui-music]

I wanted to start this blog for a few reasons. The main one is to chronicle my musical discoveries, so that I might have a list to go back to and read over. Another is to simply share the music I’m enjoying. But I also wanted to work on my writing, and my ability to put my thoughts and feelings into words. It’s never been my strong suit, and even now I struggle to describe why I like something beyond just general vibes and gushing about it.

I love finding new music. I’m constantly reading different blogs, watching YouTube reviewers, and looking for recommendations on multiple platforms for new music. I have a standing goal of listening to at least 52 new (to me) albums a year, but I don’t take this to strictly.

I’ve been through a lot of musical phases. Growing up, my family mostly listened to whatever country music was on the radio. While I don’t generally listen to country now, I still have a fondness for late 90s early 2000s country. Outside of this, there were some CDs that my parents had that got a fair amount of play (Metallica’s black album, Beastie Boy’s License to Ill, Maroon 5’s Songs about Jane, a few funk compilation CDs, and a plethora of country albums to name a few), and obviously songs popular in movies, tv, commercials, and the pop radio stations when we got a bit older. In my early teenage years, the discovery of Linkin Park on YouTube and Slipknot from Guitar Hero 3 (lots of stuff from GH actually) dominated the music I listened to. In high school, I found Gorillaz. In early college, I went through several phases, including a Christian Rap phase, Power Metal phase, Black Metal phase, Christian Metalcore phase, rap phase, and a progressive metal phase. In recent years I’ve been listening to a lot more death metal, tech death, and the like. This year I’ve gone back to a lot of older emo and metalcore bands. I’m always looking for new music to listen to.

Anyway, hopefully I actually start writing on here. I hope to start with album reviews for the more notable albums I listen to.

Here’s my music site links:

[cosmicanger]

“with as many lgbt musicians and artists that aren’t being given the same entry into the music world, why are we content with being background noise for cis het women still? why are we just a trend to hop on when the girls run out of ideas? what is “homage” when we’re still here? how many times are we just gonna let Big Freedia be the background noise for every artist that feels like they want to suddenly give our community temporary basic respect??? what “wins” do our musicians have other than just being a sample to be used on cheap vogue tracks? how long is everyone just going to accept being an accessory before they realize the black lgbt has the best musicians in the world and that the support should be redirected?! oh well. it’s like speaking to a bunch of cows. just eating the grass waiting to be turned into a burger. you don’t see none of these cis het women out fighting for us and risking their career for us but somehow every time they need a pick-me-up, they run to the LGBT. it’s kinda silly to look at. and we fall for it each time and yet they still use their money and fame to do nothing. like. i get it we’re cool but also it’s like okay now what? das it. not gonna address all this shit going with us and our rights? just a tribute album? not gonna put queer artists on? lol. it’s whatever. Just to clarify. I only have lgbt musician mutuals. i was more so talking to them/with them. not the rest of y’all. we talk about this stuff literally all the time in our spaces. It’s not just about Beyoncé, idc bout her. she just happened to be the most recent person to do this. I keep getting quotes from people who don’t know anything about music and what lgbt musicians face. so that’s just what i needed to clarify. But i’m not the first person to say this. This has been a discussion for 20+ years since Madonna’s Vogue.”

“this shit is very accurate. i do believe we gotta stop going so hard for these cishets too. we turn out in droves to support these hoes that literally feeds us crumbs and be silent when it comes to fellow queer artists lol.”

“Literally. it kinda makes me upset cause Byrell The Great can make her something way better than the song she made with his sample. And it would shake the industry. but instead we just got interpolations of what culture for us was 7 years ago.”

“no one wants to talk about the way cishets love to really gatekeep their coin and access for themselves cause there is truly no other reason for these artists not to exclusively have queer artists as features, producers, and songwriters ESPECIALLY if the goal is to pander 2 us.”

source

all of this !!!! this is Beyoncé’s queerbait album to me even if it is highly skilled singing wise and production wise. if Beyoncé was about it, every Black LGBTQIA+ who did any labor for the album would have a house and car paid off for them and enough money to have live off for a while. That family got the money. like she would never tho. no rich celeb Black or non-Black would do that. and someone do the numbers on tracks, how many people were actually listed as featured on tracks that were Black cis men & non-Blacks & how many that were Black LGBTQIA+. and not them being sampled but did production or lyrics or background vocals or verses or hooks like integral to the tracks. its like Solange’s albums. be so “proBlack” but you look who listed and its like… thats a lot of white people here and nonblack people on Beyoncé doing radical chic pop funk to appeal as many as possible to make more money she doesnt need like with the world what is it right now people were worried about getting tour date tickets then idk the two pandemics we are in right now? like people love celebrity culture, celebs and non-Black people too much.

#beyonce #beyoncé #nonblack comments not welcome

[fandomout]

heya! can i request lots of lip gallagher angst please? i love what you write and need him in my life </3

Thank you so much! I'm not sure when I'll be able to make more Lip angst or Lip fic's, but I'll be sure to try when I get an idea. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this one. 💜

Lip Gallagher X Reader-Imagine trying to convince Lip that Helene, his professor, isn't the best thing for him, but he can't see the truth

Warning! Mentions of virginity and sex, but there is no actual smut. Slight fluff. Lots of Angst. Not sure if this has been done before. If it has, credit to them, and this is my version of it.

Smiles and laughs grace your best friend, Lip, and you can't help grin just because he seems happy. He tells you about his recent endeavors at college, specifically how he’s having the greatest adventures with his professor, Helene. When you 1st heard about this mysterious woman, you were initially livid, on the inside, of course. You wanted to know everything and nothing about her all at once. However, just like always you had to find a way within yourself to support Lip’s happiness. You always hold onto the friendship that’s graced the both of you with each other. Also, you couldn’t help internalizing Lip’s trauma's and emotions throughout the years. He deserved to go to school and become even greater than he already is, and although you couldn't always stomach the thought of him with someone else, you’d support that too to see him be loved. You were as it goes hopelessly devoted to Lip, so you hadn't really dated too much. Nothing could ever get serious when you’d hold him in your heart.

🖇

One day, you were at Lip’s dorm helping him clean up a bit when Lip seemed to really catch the fact that you'd apparently been single for “too long”. You scoffed at Lip and asked, “What’s that your business for?” He laughed at the comment and added, “I just want you to be happy. I mean we don’t get as much time these days. Me in college and with…” He smiled and looked off to space. You mouth her name as he says, “Helene.” You roll your eyes at it and shake your head and bitterly say, “I don’t need to be with someone to be happy.”

“I get that, but maybe you’d seem a little...a little...better?”

“Better?”

“You just seem a little down lately. Seeing as you won’t tell me what it’s about, I’m just trying to find an all around solution because I care.” His hand finding your shoulder.

”I’m doing fine, really. You're just so up in the clouds-”

“I want you up here too.” You sigh as the words are a rubber band to the heart as you wished he meant together...

“Lip, I don’t need someone.”

“It doesn't have to be serious. Just get laid.“ His insistent nature angers you to shout, “I can't! I’ve never-” You stop yourself too late. Your virginity has never been a topic of concern. You both just glossed over it. To you, it never seemed like Lip knew you hadn’t gotten that far, regardless, you never wanted it to be made so clear. Silence passed between you two before he started to laugh and said, “You’re fucking joking.” You looked down to your feet, which was when he actually believed your words. “No shit. No fucking way! You haven’t gotten laid yet!”

“Want to scream it out any louder! Shut the fuck up!” He laughed before he held his hands up in surrender.

“That’s crazy to me.”

“Of course it is. You bang anything that walks. Lip-”

“Even with any of your s/o’s, you never-”

“No! I'm a virgin. No big deal!”

“Yes. I just find it hard to believe nobody would try. Did they?”

“Maybe once or twice, and I shut them down.”

“Not good enough for you.”

“Something like that.”

“People are fucking stupid. You are hot, and it surprises me there aren't any more.”

“It's the story of my life.”

“What?”

“Getting overlooked.” You said simply before continuing to stack a book on a high shelf.

“Come on, that can’t be true.” He turns you toward him. “I see you unless I see dead people.”

“Haha.” You grin.

“I’m serious though. When you walk into the room, it’s brighter. Maybe you catch the attention of shy people. Maybe pay more attention?”

“Can we stop talking about it?”

“Yeah. Yeah.”

🖇

You were on your way home late at night when you got a call from Lip. You answered and immediately thought it was a bit late.

“Hey!” He said a little off.

“Lip, what’s up?”

“Just need a drinking buddy.” You hear a bottle crash on his side of the phone.

“You doing okay there?”

“Yup! Having the bez time.”

“You already started drinking without me. Where are you?”

“I think I’m on campus on like a lawn-can’t remember which one.”

“I’ll be right there. Stay on the li-” He hung up. You jumped a fence and ran all over campus with no sign of him, and he wouldn't take you calls. You finally found him toward the back exit of the campus. He was swinging his body silly with heavy footsteps. You rushed over to support him. Immediately, he detached himself. A pout on his face with slumped shoulders. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” He laughs dryly.

“Come on, sit down.” You have him sit on the curb and wish you brought him a bottle of water or something. “What’s this about?”

“Helene...She’s married. She has a kid.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. This must be shocking to hear-”

“I already knew.”

“What do you mean you knew?”

“These past few...weeks? Weeks, I think, I knew. Hell, her husband watched us-Well, watched us fornicate.”

“Gross.” You couldn’t help but say. He shrugged at your reaction, not really being able to defend that truth. “You agreed to it?”

“I did, but I feel her pulling away now. I haven’t changed anything though.” He turns quickly toward me like he’d get whiplash. He points his finger to his chest and hits his chest aggressively as he says, “I’m me! I’m still giving her everything I have!...It leaves me in a funk.”

“You want to be with her that badly?”

“Yeah.”

“But, it doesn't feel so good.”

“Right.”

“You know why?”

“Yeah. I just said she has-”

“I didn’t mean the family thing.”

“Then, why?”

“You should try a relationship that’s more meaningful.”

“This is meaningful to me.”

“I meant a healthy meaningful.”

“Who are you to tell me?” He said it harshly.

“You’re right. I have no right to tell you what’s meaningful to you. You have to admit you're not in the best situation.”

“You’re one to talk. You’d rather have nothing than search for something. I think your standards are too high.”

“Trust me, they're not that high… Top 3 are honesty, communication, and trust.”

“Hmm ...You want to tell me something?” He smirked.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m all three of those for you. I must be your dream guy.”

”You could be, except it wouldn’t happen obviously.”

“Are you sure about that?'' He found himself saying.

“Here we are talking about your women, I’m sure...” You bite at your lip. Your thoughts stop when you see a few tears branching out of his eyes. You comb your hand through his hair. As he looked for more comfort, he wanted to lay down. You convinced him to let you get him to his dorm. He allowed you that, and he cried himself to sleep on your lap. He snuggled into your leg while you rubbed his back. You’d already had a distaste for Helene, but now you really couldn't stand her. She’d been fooling Lip, and she still had the power to keep going along with it.

🖇

After the incident, Lip wanted to act like it didn’t happen. He had told you that they were working on it. He even said it might be the closest thing to a relationship he’s had. You wanted to be there for him, but you had to admit you couldn't support this harm. There is a difference in this case to supporting him. You didn’t want to be a part of any longer. You kept quiet about it initially since she’d only done “one” wrong by him, according to Lip. He talked to you less and less it seemed after it. You tried your best, but something always seemed to come up. You’d get calls from Ian or Fiona that he’s drinking a lot which worries you and hasn't attempted AA when they think it's becoming a big issue. Finally, you confronted Lip on the street.

“I can't talk now.” He said. You didn’t let him push past you and stated, “No. You are not ditching me once again. You have stuff going on. It probably has to do with that woman-”

“Helene. That's none of your business.”

“None of my business?” You look at the bag under his eyes. He reeked of alcohol on his disheveled clothes. “She’s ruining you, but that’s none of my business? What happened this time?” He took out a cigarette and lit it before he sniffed and gave you a side smirk.

“I just maybe happened to beat up her son after I thought she cheated on me with him. Isn't that funny?” He giggled and hiccupped.

“Why were you upset? You were fine when she had a husband to cheat on you with.”

“That was different. Anyway, I see you’re upset about the lack of time I’ve been spending with you, but I can fix it. Let go for a drink.'' He put his arm around your shoulder and was probably leading you to Kev and V’s. You removed the arm and snapped, “What you need is some water. You’ve had enough.”

“What do you mean I haven’t drunk today?”

“Tell that to your breath and clothes. Do you think I’m stupid?”

“I think this conversation is stupid and remember why I was trying not to talk to you.”

“You did it on purpose?”

“I just knew you’d get all worried for nothing.”

“For nothing? She’s not good for you to begin with. Lip” You hold his hand and softly say, “Lip, She was your professor and married.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m stupid.”

“Lip-”

“I love her! She sure is a hell of a lot better than the ones telling me otherwise. You have no right to judge me. Take a look at yourself!”

“What are you talking about?”

“You go around pining for me in hope someday you’ll be the one. You’re pathetic! You can’t be the one because Helene was! She is! You’re single because no one wants you! You try to act so high and mighty! If you're so great and talented, leave! You’re useless around here! You fucking suffocating me with your supposed love and care! Thanks so much for it! You-”

”Stop!...I get it. You don’t want me around. Get some help from a sponsor and go to the AA meetings.” Tears began to pour, and you sniffled. “You wouldn’t want to lose and hurt someone you actually care about.” As he saw your tears and hurt, he sobered up slightly and said, “Wait-” You quickened your steps to get away as fast as possible. He tried to follow after, but his drunken body wouldn't allow it as he reached forward and fell right on his ass. "Fuck!"

Hope your day got better

Part 2 Lip realizes his mistake

Lip Gallagher Masterlist

Full Masterlist

#lip gallagher #lipgallagherimagines #lip gallagher preference #lip gallagher x reader #lip gallagher fluff #shamelessimagine #shameless x reader #shameless preferences #shameless masterlist #imagine #preference #reader insert #reader imagine #x reader #fluff #One shot #lip gallagher fanfiction #lip gallagher one shot #angst #lip gallagher angst

[loopy-froots]

Childhood Friends

Brahms Heelshire x afab!Reader

Author: @loopy-froots

Word Count: 3261 (WOW wtf…)

Slight request by @leahromanof : small age gap (Brahms is 26-28 and the reader is 20)

Summary: The Reader grew up very close to the Heelshire family, as their parents were business partners with them. However, after the fire incident, Brahms and the Reader took some space from each other. While the Reader knew Brahms was still alive, they didn’t know under the circumstances he was. When a sudden tragedy strikes their family, the Reader is left with no home. The Heelshire family offer their home with welcoming arms, but much has changed between all of them since they have last seen each other.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, swearing, slasher x reader, smut, virgin/unprotected sex (masc and fem), abusive parents (fem), insecurities (on both parts), slight age gap (6ish years?), a slight size kink (if you squint?), etc.

Author’s Note: I wasn’t too sure what to write for the age gap so I hope this is good enough!!! I also threw in a lot of personal needs I’ve been having, so I hope y’all don’t mind! Feel free to let me know your thoughts!!!

~~~

*2nd Person POV*

You couldn’t believe this was happening. You were finally going to see your beloved childhood friend, Brahms Heelshire, again after close to ten years of separation. You wished this was not under these circumstances, as you never intended to cause your family such turmoil.

“Y/n! Come in, why don’t you?” Mr. Heelshire exclaims as he opens his front door. He must have seen you walk up their driveway. You can see Mrs. Heelshire inside, but she shares a concerning expression. Trying to brush it off, you step inside and am greeted by the warmth of the house. It was a terribly chilly winter day, and the walk there exhausted you.

“Come, dear! Let me get you a cup of tea to warm you up! You look rather frozen!” Mrs. Heelshire snaps out of her funk and laughs al0ng with her husband. Their jovial attitude makes you feel rather welcomed and loved.

“I cannot thank you enough, Mr. and Mrs. Heelshire… I… I’m terribly sorry that this all happened… especially so suddenly…” You look down with embarrassment.

“Nonsense! We’re always happy to have you, Y/n! Our home is yours!” Mr. Heelshire smiles at you, but you get a somewhat urgent vibe from him. You’re not sure how to feel about it, but you figure since they’re being ever so kind you were in no position to question.

“Now, dear… why don’t you tell us exactly what happened… Perhaps we may help with your parents’ situation?” Mrs. Heelshire gently suggests, but you shake your head in disagreement.

“Unfortunately, I’m not sure that’s possible… you see, I recently came out to my parents as non-binary… they’ve never been overly supportive of that kind of stuff, but I knew I couldn’t hide myself any longer…” You explain shamefully.

“Oh my… that is a rather difficult predicament, hm? However, we want you to know that we fully support you… in fact, our own Brahms considers himself genderfluid,” Mrs. Heelshire shares, which honestly makes you feel less alone.

“Really? I… I had no idea… Thank you, but speaking of which… where is Brahms…? Does he still live with you?” You wonder.

“Oh, um… yes… he does, but he’s grown to be rather… timid… so he doesn’t always come out when people are visiting…” Mr. Heelshire explains swiftly, and you try to understand. You don’t fully know what he’s been through, so who are you to judge his social anxieties?

“That’s alright. Well, I just hope he knows how excited I am to see him again…” You confess, causing a surprised reaction from the Heelshire couple.

“Really? Well, that’s certainly wonderful! I’m sure he'll become more open to meeting you after he gets used to you being in the house…” Mrs. Heelshire states with a gentle smile, and you nod your head in agreement.

With that, you are then taken on a tour of the house. You’re shown areas you can and cannot wander to, and you mentally note each location that’s off limits. You’d never want to make the Heelshires uncomfortable, despite how curious you were. They show you to your room, which you immediately recognize as Brahms’ childhood room.

“Oh wow! This looks exactly how I remembered it!” You giggle.

“I’m glad you’re fond of it still, as Brahms insisted you take his room for your own… comfort…” Mr. Heelshire shares, but something tells you he’s not entirely being honest. However, you ignore the feeling bubbling up in your stomach.

“Well, feel free to unpack your things dear. As we mentioned before, we are planning on going on a trip within the next few days. So it will be just you and Brahms for a while…” Mrs. Heelshire reminds you, and you shiver slightly for some reason.

“Oh, yes… Well, I hope the two of you enjoy it!” You politely respond.

~~~

“Goodbye, dear! And remember, follow the rules and you’ll get no trouble from our dear Brahms!” The Heelshires bid you farewell and leave in their cab. Closing the door, you sigh in relief.

“Alright, follow the rules… I can do that… it’s the least I can do since they were so kind as to let me stay for a while…” You motivate yourself.

“Y/n…” A sudden familiar, childlike voice echoes through the house. You looked around to see who it came from, but you saw no one. It had to be Brahms, right? Who else could it have been, but where was he?

“B-Brahms?” You sheepishly call out. You hear no answer and suddenly feel quite stupid. Maybe you just heard the shifting of the house or imagined someone was calling your name?

“Alright, focus… first things first, making some lunch… hopefully he’ll come down to eat with me…?” You hope. You could’ve sworn you heard another childish giggle somewhere, but you try to shake the skittish feeling building up. You quickly make whatever you feel like for lunch, desperate to finish so that you can call Brahms down to eat.

“Um, Brahms? I… lunch is done… if you want some?” You yell throughout the house, but you hear no answer. Finally feeling defeat, you turn back to the kitchen and notice that one of the plates of food has disappeared.

“How did he get to it without me noticing?” You ask out loud. Every instinct within you tells you that something was wrong, but you tried your best to give the man some time to adjust to the new living situation.

“Y/n…?” In the middle of eating, you hear a now more adult version of the voice you heard earlier. You drop your fork in surprise and frantically look around for the source. You then see a tall and scruffy looking man standing at the end of the dining room. He was holding the plate that is now empty, and you figure that must be Brahms. He was very odd looking, in all honesty. He wore a porcelain mask that resembles the type of little dollies you used to keep as a kid.

“Oh, um… h-hello, Brahms…?” You try to be friendly towards him, despite the creepy feeling you got from him already. However, him not answering causes the suspicion to form again.

“Um… did you enjoy the meal I made for you?” You try to spark a conversation, but Brahms nonverbally nods in response.

“That’s good! I’m… glad…” You smile awkwardly at him, but his masked face remains expressionless. You shift uncomfortably in your seat, and Brahms notices the tense state you’re in. He begins to step closer to you, and sets his plate on the table. Sweating profusely, you wonder what he’s doing. He steps closer and closer to you until he’s directly in front of you. While you sit, he towers over you. You’d never admit it, but he’s very intimidating. However, you try your best to be polite.

“Is… everything alright, Brahms?” You ask innocently. He just stares at you, though, never saying a word. When you were about to get up and try to walk away, he grabs your arm and pulls you into him.

“B-Brahms…?!” You exclaim as he squeezes you in his broad arms. He’s rather warm, but trembling. Your heart relaxes when you realize he only wanted a hug.

“Y/n… nice to see you again…” He finally peeps out. Your cheeks heat up, but you lean into the embrace. The two of you just hold onto each other for a few moments, enjoying each other’s presence.

“Good to see you, too! I was worried you were upset with me for coming back after such a long time…” You try to pull away and look him in the eyes, but his grip keeps you there.

“Mm, no… not upset… lonely…” He breathes into your ear, sending a chill down your back. He was… lonely? That makes you feel bad… really bad… how could you leave him like you did after the incident?! It wasn’t completely your fault, as you parents were the main reason you stayed away. They told you what a dangerous person Brahms was, and they forbid you from being influenced by him in any way.

Additionally, your parents never liked how fond the two of you seemed towards each other, despite the slight age difference you had. Brahms was only six years older, and to you it didn’t matter for terms of friendship. However, your parents saw the attraction Brahms had towards you right away. As children, it only developed into a little crush, but the older the two of you got the more obvious it became, to the adults at least. You seemed quite oblivious to his attempts to woo you, as you had just thought he was being friendly.

“I…I’m sorry, Brahms… I should’ve… I wish I’d have… I’m sorry…” Tear well in your eyes as you look down from his gaze. Your focus then shifts to the ever growing bulge in his pants that you hadn’t noticed before.

“It’s alright… happy you’re here now…” Brahms strokes your hair with his free hand, and he leans into you. You feel him stroke your neck with his nose, seemingly trying to get a reaction out of you. Completely frozen, you felt unsure of what to do. All of the sudden, your head’s ideas clicked and made you realize the years of yearning he’d been doing for you.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t still have feelings for the boy you grew up with. You always admired how protective he was of you. You never admitted your affection towards him, though, as you thought he might react negatively. To you, the age difference acted as a barrier, but to him, it seemed he didn’t mind in the slightest. All he’s ever known was his love for you, despite the age gap. However, is this still the same boy as before? You probably barely knew him anymore. Then why were you getting so flustered over this simple interaction?

“Brahms?” You look back into his eyes with a curious glint. What was he planning with you?

“Hm?” He nonchalantly answers.

“Are you…?” You start, but then feel too embarrassed to finish.

“Yes,” He agrees without needing you to explain. You feel him jerk his hips into your stomach softly, desperate to get some friction between the two of you. As intoxicating as he was being, you still felt unsure of your stance with him.

“I’m not sure I want to… I mean, this is so soon… don’t you think?” You try to reason mainly with yourself to try and stop this from happening. With that, Brahms stops and pulls away from you with a pout.

“No?” He questions with sweet eyes.

“I… yes…?” You try to stand your ground with yourself again, but it’s no use. Brahms’ heartfelt pleading turns you to putty in his hands.

“Please?” He begs. With that, you finally agree, and he’s onto you. Groping all up and down your sides, front, and back, he feels every inch of your body as if he’s desperate to find something in you.

“Brahms… wait…?” You stop him again, realizing you hadn’t seen his actual face yet. You politely ask him to remove his mask, but he visibly slumps.

“Why…? You… don’t want to see me…” Brahms insecurely explains, but you shake your head.

“I do! Please…?” You whine as he continues to feel up your back. Brahms hesitates slightly, then agrees. With that, he slowly removes the porcelain from himself. This leaves his bare, burnt, and uncertain face into your view. You’re unsure of what to say at first, as your feelings are conflicted. However, you quickly decide to go with what your heart felt.

“You’re so handsome, Brahms…” You confess with a sheepish smile. He doesn’t respond, though, almost as if he’s debating what to say as well.

“Mm!” You moan through a sudden kiss he placed on your lips, making Brahms smile to himself in the kiss. He loved the way you reacted to his touch. He quickly realized you were feeling the same towards him, and that gave him the confidence to continue. You rapidly grew a certain heat in your pelvic area, but the feeling was still unfamiliar to you. Only on the rare occasion did you allow yourself the pleasure, but you felt guilty for it every time.

“Slut… whore… useless daughter…” Your parents’ past words radiate in your head, and a panic washes over your body. Brahms senses your inner conflict again, and stops once more.

“Y/n…?” He gently asks to see if you’re alright. Tears well up in your eyes as the guilt of disappointing your parents consumes you.

“I’m sorry, I just… my mom and dad would be so upset… I just feel so… lost…” You admit, and Brahms wipes your cheeks with his calloused hands.

“Mm, screw them…” He chuckles darkly.

“But…” You try to argue, but he shushes you instead.

“They’ve never been good to you, Y/n…” Brahms shares, and it confuses you at first. They’ve always given you food, shelter, and anything else a child would need.

“But they… they mean well…” You try to reason it out, but he still disagrees.

“I’ve been watching, listening to how they treat you your whole life, Y/n… the way they scream at you, gaslight you, disappoint you… that’s not love… that’s abuse…” Brahms whispers with a broken heart for you. The pain of realization hits you, but you try to muffle your cries with your hands over your mouth.

“I’m so sorry… I know how hard it is… but I… I want to love you… really love you…” He kisses the top of your head sweetly. His words fill your heart with hope that you might not be miserable the rest of your life.

“Really…? I mean, I would love that… but I don’t want to force you into anything…” You self doubt yourself.

“Absolutely. I mean, hell… why do you think I was doing all of this?” Brahms wonders, and you suppose he’s right.

“Yeah, true… I’m sorry, I just feel bad… but thank you, I’d love to… y’know…?” You admit with a shy grin, which he immediately returns.

“Good,” He smirks and kisses you again. This time, the kiss was much more desperate for the sweet result. Brahms shows no mercy for you this time as he begins biting your lips. Your little gasps invoke a strong sense of pride within him. He was making you feel this way, and he alone would make you feel good.

“Hm,” His deep voice rumbles in his chest. Your eyes flutter open and shut, unsure of how to go about this situation. Squirming around awkwardly, you then feel Brahms grab your waist as he lifts you up and onto the table.

“Ah! Brahms...?!” You yelp in surprise.

“Take off your shirt, Y/n.” He demands, already sliding his hands underneath. You timidly follow his instructions, removing your shirt and bra from your body. Brahms looks down from your face and onto your breasts. He adored them, so he ran his hands over them as he gave each nipple a cheeky pinch.

“Oh, Brahms…” Your eyes close in bliss, but he snaps your attention back to his eyes.

“Look at me,” He suggests sternly.

“O-okay…” You do as he wishes and stare deep into his icy eyes. He’s tender and gentle, but he still makes you feel so small next to him.

“You’re so pretty, Y/n… I’ve always loved you…” Brahms brushes a stray lock of hair out of your face, giving him a better view at your beauty.

“I have loved you for the longest time, too, Brahms… I just never knew how to tell you…” You try your best to express your feelings, but your past experience with doing so has never been easy for you. Each emotion you shared ended in an argument with your parents.

“I’m so glad… please…” Brahms pleads, leaning his forehead against yours. He didn’t have to finish for you to understand what he wanted.

“C’mere…” Your sudden burst of trust hits the two of you like a train. Brahms roughly attacks your neck with his lips and teeth, nipping at all your sensitive areas. Exploring each and every inch, he scopes out which areas you like best.

“Mm, Y/n…” He whimpers, rubbing his needy cock against your body. You had neglected it for far too long, and you wanted to give it some love too.

Lowering your hand down to his member, you stroke him through his pants. Pre-cum leaks from his tip and soaks through his underwear slightly. His moans fill your ears with sweet misery. The lack of being inside of you was killing him, but he wanted to take things slow for you.

“Ah, Y/n…! Please! I’ll be a good boy!” He begs you to allow him entrance, and you agree. Instantaneously, he pulls his clothes off and prepares his painfully hard cock to slide into you.

“Oh! You feel… so tight…!” He didn’t tell you, but this was his first time as well. The first feeling of being inside of someone, especially when that someone is you, was the best feeling he’s ever felt. He couldn’t help himself but pump in and out of you. He tried his best to go slow, but his selfish excitement got the better of him. However, you were far from upset by this.

“Ah! D-don’t… stop…!” You plead with him, and he obliges. Slapping his body into yours in a rhythmic motion causes you to quickly feel that coil in your stomach tighten around him.

“F-fuck…! You’re gonna make me…!” As quickly as it started, your love making ended. The two of you came together simultaneously, and everything felt perfect to you. However, Brahms felt a wave of guilt.

“I… I’m sorry… I wish I had lasted longer… and I shouldn’t have pressured you into this…” He goes on and on about all the things he could’ve done better, but you then stop him with a chaste peck on his lips.

“You were perfect. Thank you,” You lovingly look into his eyes. He searches for any sort of regret, but when he finds none he settles into your arms.

~~~

MY REQUESTS FOR DRAWING AND WRITING ARE STILL OPEN!! FEEL FREE TO SEND AN ASK/MESSAGE WITH YOUR IDEA!!

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[dubreggae]

One of history’s best music lists -- better than Pitchfork’s, Rolling Stone’s, or Elvis Costello’s -- was made by a teenager named Snoopy in the summer of 1977. In the London music newspaper Black Echoes, he published his 125 favorite albums from the golden age of dub reggae. Forty-four years later, thanks to a lucky break, I found him. 

Snoopy, born Paul Nagle, is a hero three times over. First, he vividly chronicled under-documented and mysterious music, producing the closest thing I know to a kind of Leonard Maltin Guide to the history of dub. Second, when I reached out, he was willing to respond to a stranger: "Hi,” he said. “My friend told me you were interested in getting in contact with me.” The third reason is that he answered my series of questions about his life, the list, and its beautiful music with the same kind of warmth and expertise that makes his writing so valuable.

His memories of late-70s reggae record shops, radio stations, zines and newspapers, and the adventures, fights, and relationships that came along with them, make for one of the best accounts I’ve ever heard of the dub reggae scene, especially the version that migrated from Jamaica to England at the height of King Tubby, Lee “Scratch” Perry, Dub Specialist, the Revolutionaries, the Aggrovators, Augustus Pablo, Yabby You, Joe Gibbs, Keith Hudson, Sonia Pottinger, 4th Street Orchestra, Lloyd Coxsone, Rupie Edwards, Derrick Harriott, Skin, Flesh & Bones, Tommy McCook, and Duke Reid. Inspired by Snoopy’s list, I made a compilation of about 81 hours of dub, which you can listen to right here. Here’s what he told me: Who’s Snoopy? Paul Nagle is the name I was born with. I was born in Islington, London, in April 1959, and moved with my family to the new town of Basildon, in Essex, in 1964. In 1969, when I was ten, a friend of mine’s sister recommended and lent me a book of American cartoon strips called For the Love of Peanuts. I immediately fell in love with the Peanuts gang, in particular Charlie Brown’s dog. A few years later, I became penpals with a girl from my old school called Marianne. She was in her sister’s band, had a stage name, and used to sign off her letters to me using it. I was quite jealous, so I adopted Snoopy as my pseudonym. When I was sixteen, I wrote a letter to a weekly rock paper called New Musical Express congratulating them on their recent coverage of reggae, which i was fanatical about at the time. I didn’t want to use my own name, so i signed the letter Snoopy. 

It was printed as their letter of the week on their Gasbag page. There was a note at the end of my letter which asked that I contact the features editor, whose name was Neil Spencer. I did so and he invited me to start writing about reggae for them on a freelance basis. Snoopy became my nom de plume, and the nickname has stuck with me for the rest of my life. Most people, apart from my family, know me as Snoopy. Of course, people often get the name wrong: I have been called Spooky, Snotty, Snooty, Snooky, Sleepy, Noddy and countless other derivatives.  

How did you learn about dub reggae? My generous dad gave me his copy of Rockers Meet King Tubby in a Firehouse. I was nuts about records and music from a very early age. My parents had a great record collection and I could place 45s and 78s in their generic company sleeves before I could even read. By the time I was four years old I was obsessed with playing singles. In fact, the oldest living example of my handwriting, actually a scribble, is on a Tony Bennett single my dad bought in 1963 – it was also my first experience of entering a shop that sold records. My mum came from a large family and my parents and aunts and uncles were always throwing parties. My cousins had amazing records, too, and had quite eclectic tastes. So apart from the usual pop stuff, I was also hearing jazz and soul and folk and funk and reggae and country. My first musical obsession, apart from the Beatles, of course, was the Tamla Motown record label. I adored The Supremes, The Temptations, The Four Tops, The Miracles. All of them! 

I was introduced to reggae by my cousin Steve around 1968. His influence on my musical directions was massive. He was an avid soul collector, too. In 1973, we moved back to London, and during the following year I got the reggae bug. I was still at school. I was spending all of my pocket money on records. I used to frequent chapel market, just around the corner from where I was born, and listen to the reggae records, because, of course, it wasn’t getting any airplay on the radio. That changed, in 1975, with the introduction of a Saturday night show called TV on Reggae, which was on a relatively new London-based station called capital. The DJ was Tommy Vance, who wasn’t a reggae buff but a good DJ. He’d have various reggae sidekicks who knew their stuff visit the show. I used to always record the show on cassette tape – and one week there was a whole hour dedicated towards dub. This one show completely blew my mind. I had heard and owned b-side dubs and versions, but it was the first time I’d heard tracks taken from dub albums. I didn’t have a clue what most of the records were, because it was an uninterrupted session. No information was given about the chosen tracks, but it made things all the more exciting trying to find out what they all were over the next few years.

What was Black Echoes, and how did you end up publishing the list? In January 1976, a new weekly Black music newspaper was published in the UK, which featured soul, reggae, jazz and blues. I was 16 and had recently started my first job, an office junior for the institute of accounting in Bedford Square in London’s West End. A ten minute walk led to a reggae record shop in Hanway Street, the first ever in that part of London. It was called Daddy Kool. This became my lunchtime hangout, and even after work and on Saturdays. I would spend nearly all my wages on records. A few doors away was a soul record shop called Contempo that I also frequented. Dave Hendley worked in there, who went on to write the reggae column for Blues & Soul magazine and take some of the greatest photographs ever of reggae artists. Steve Barrow was my go-to at Daddy Kool for tracking me down tunes. He wrote the reggae singles reviews for Black Echoes.

When I did a couple of record reviews for New Musical Express, I was introduced to Penny Reel, whose writing on reggae I had come across in the reggae fanzine Pressure Drop. He introduced me to Black Echoes’ editor, Peter Harvey, who asked if I wanted to write for the paper. I was sixteen at the time and so I was up for it, even though I had no journalistic experience. I started to do album reviews and eventually did news stories and articles, live gig reviews, interviews and took over reviewing the reggae singles when Steve Barrow left. I quickly became a fixture at Black Echoes and was the baby of the family. My ambition was to write a few articles on one of my favourite genres of music, and it the first time there had been any kind of substantial listing released worldwide of dub albums. Did you have help? The content of the list was mainly researched and compiled by myself, but Penny Reel and others also helped with information about albums. Of course, in those days, there were no computers. It was a lot of legwork, traipsing around London to specialist record shops and record stalls in markets and trying to find those elusive dub albums. At that time, not many were being released in the UK, so it was mainly expensive Jamaican imports that I tried to track down, to listen to -- even if not to buy. A lot of the research was really about rummaging about in specialist record shops, junk shops, mail-order lists, record company advertisements, record reviews and my own record collection and those of other fans. Gradually the list of albums grew bigger and it seemed to come together, though it was often difficult to verify things. Of course, it didn’t help that I was on a deadline for publication. There were a few errors made as a consequence, but not that many.

Can you describe what makes dub so magical? For me, it's the mix of the improvisation of jazz, folk music's local tradition, and gospel's holiness. But it's hard to describe, isn't it? I think what initially fascinated me the most about dub was its fluidity and immediacy. Dub mixes are one-off attempts at recreating something new out of something previously recorded. 

There is definitely something akin to jazz about dub, I suppose because mixing has that improvised feel to it, things can go either very right or very wrong. The unexpected twists and turns a dub track can take is very much like the unimaginable flights of fancy taken by Charlie Parker, John Coltrane, Jimmy Smith or even Jon Hendricks. I think the other-worldliness of dub is what makes it really magical. So many of the sounds are unlike any you’ve ever heard, at least in those early days of dub. there is also an affinity with disco which I was also heavily into during the late 70s, when producers and engineers like Shep Pettibone, Walter Gibbons, Larry Levan and the incredible Tom Moulton were laying down the foundations of dance music and experimenting with mixing in a new and vibrant way. 

The heavyweight combustion between the sound of the crashing drums and the booming bass was also something that particularly appealed, and the use of echoed-vocals has always been something that has really made me sit up and listen. 

I loved that Bunny Lee flying-cymbal sound. The crisp channel one rockers sound was something that as a young person I found really exciting. Lee Perry’s more technically experimental sound was perfect for dub and Augustus Pablo’s mellow, more mystical sound was so brilliant. There was some magical dub in the years after 1977. Do you have favorites? A few spring to mind. I loved Gussie’s Black Foundation Dub, Dennis Brown’s Umoja Dub, Gregory Isaacs’ Slum in Dub, Linval Thompson’s Negrea Love Dub. Nuh Skin Up Dub had some good tracks. Scientist Rids the World of the Evil Curse of the Vampires -- great title, great LP! I also should mention Captain Ganja & the Space Patrol. I came up with the concept and titles for Venture Records. My old school friend Marianne and her husband Steve designed the cover. They also did High Risk Dub and Lovers Dub. There have been some really great compilations as well: Termination Dub, Dub Gone Crazy, Dub Like Dirt, in fact all of those Blood and Fire dub comps are wicked. My old friend Steve Barrow on the case. Do you have any regrets about the list? Things that should have been on or off? I was only 18 at the time. What I got together, considering I’d never researched anything before, was pretty good for the time. I purposefully included albums which weren’t strictly dub albums, for example, instrumental albums and albums with both vocal and dub tracks. I think I did that because those radio dub specials also featured vocal tracks, it’s not something I would do now. However, if you excluded vocal tracks, then that would wipe super ape, which has killer dubs and vocals. 

It would have been nice to include release dates on the list, but at that time there was pretty much no way of knowing what first appeared when. This is mainly because Jamaican record companies rarely put the year of release on a record. Even now, a site like Discogs is filled with errors on its inclusion of Jamaican dub albums, where contributors are just having a stab in the dark. 

I would definitely have African Dub Chapter Three in the Top 10. It was listed 115 in the list! At the time, hardly anybody had heard it, and shops in the UK certainly couldn’t get hold of it. It didn’t enter the black echoes UK reggae LPs chart as an import until October 1977, nearly three months after I’d compiled the list, when sufficient copies started entering the country. Within four weeks, it was the no. 1 album, and remained on the charts as a Jamaican import for an amazing 35 weeks. The opening track chapter three was a sound-system steppers tune favourite that has lit reggae dance floors pretty much ever since. 

With regards to my original top 20, I think it’s pretty good. I still love most of those albums. their order I would maybe juggle around, I think either King Tubby Meets the Rockers Uptown or King Tubby Meets the Aggrovators at Dub Station, or even Pick a Dub would deserve to be at the top spot. Later I realized dub station was a UK issue of the Jamaican release Creation of Dub with different titles, the latter appearing at 41 on the list. That turned out to be a bit of an issue. It was impossible to know whether a UK release was a new one or a Jamaican one under a different title, for example Ja-gan was also known as Morris on Dub.

Who are the producers you return to over and over? For me, it's Scratch, King Tubby, the Dub Specialist series -- and, post-1977, the wonderful Scientist. I am still a huge fan of Bunny Lee’s productions. He was ridiculously prolific, of course, but I rather liked that. In 1975, he must have issued around 40 singles by Johnny Clarke alone. I loved that 1974-76 period of his music. 

I can always return quite happily to listen to Lee Perry productions as well. He was always so inventive and creative and groundbreaking, really. He most definitely was a true artist in the artistic sense of the word, pushing music beyond its boundaries to create sounds that were truly unusual and magnificent. An innovator. I first heard Blackboard Jungle round Steve Barrow’s place in 1976, and it blew me away. Revolution Dub is still a classic for me. I love that it features snippets from a popular British TV comedy of the time, Doctor on the Go. The dub of Jimmy Riley’s version of Bobby Womack’s Woman’s Gotta Have It is exceptional, too. 

I think Niney the Observer is an often overlooked producer. Dubbing with the Observer and Sledge Hammer Dub remain real favourites of mine. What has the response to your list been like over the years? After 1977, the list was pretty much forgotten, and things remained that way for decades. I was proud of it at the time, but never considered it to be anything more than an opportunity for me to compile and rate the dub music I loved. I certainly never thought of it, or looked at it. It never occurred to me that anyone would read it ever again. 

The advent of the world wide web changed all that. I think it was during the early 2000s when I first became aware that scans of the list were starting to appear. Frankly, I was astonished. The websites that featured it were mainly music forums and reggae sites. Obviously the list came in for some criticism regarding the positioning of some of the records. African Dub Chapter Three was a particular bone of contention, with detractors saying I didn’t know what the hell I was talking about, as I had it so far down the list. And no one agreed with my choice of King Tubby Meets the Upsetter at the Grass Roots of Dub as the no. 1 album. But it was the first dub album I bought when I was 16, and so it meant something special to me. Hindsight is a tremendous but dangerous thing. 

But the positivity about the list far outweighed the negativity. Lots of people have expressed their pleasure in reading it, so I am well chuffed about that. Sly Dunbar put the list on his Facebook page fairly recently. He played on a lot of those albums! it has also been a joy to discover and read other people’s dub lists, and I thoroughly enjoyed Martin ‘Sky Juice’ Blomqvist’s recent book 100 Days of Dub. He’s so knowledgeable and his enthusiasm is infectious. I've been able to find almost all of the records, but there are some entries that confuse me: King Tubby's Vengeance, Prophets Bootleg Dub, ABC Dub, Sir Collins in Session, Ja Man in Dub, and Aquarius Dub 2. You’re right, Aquarius Dub 2 doesn’t seem to exist. it could be that it was planned and shelved, as a few on the list might have been forthcoming releases that were never issued in the end. And there were quite a few Vivian Jackson albums about at the time with similar titles, which could be confusing. What have you been doing these last few decades? I’m always dabbling one way or another. Whilst working for reggae record companies back in the 70s I got involved with singing and made a few recordings. I became lifelong friends with British lovers rock group Natural Mystic, so have sung and arranged backing vocals on quite a few of their records down the decades. For the past 25 years or so I have been working with young people on films, concerts, recordings, dance projects, self-development and community productions. My writing necessarily diverged into creating scripts and composing lyrics. And for many years I have been researching and compiling a book I’m calling Celebrate Good Times: 20th Century Soul, Reggae and Dance Music, which analyses 24 years of charts. It is a real labour of love: there are over 5000! I’ve also been writing a novel these past couple of years, which I’m finding challenging but quite rewarding. 

Could you pick one single song, the greatest dub of all time? It is a fight between two records: King Tubby Meets the Rockers Uptown by Augustus Pablo and the flipside of I Admire You by Larry Marshall, King Tubby’s immense Watergate Rock. Either would be contenders for the greatest dub of all time. I love them equally. On my millionth read of the list I noticed this: “Snoopy has decided to extend his survey of dub into a six part series.” The whole series was entitled The Story of Dub. the people at Black Echoes were pretty amazing. They really encouraged and indulged me. The first part was published in July 1977, and was written in collaboration with my mentor, Penny Reel. He was pivotal in developing my writing and expanding my general viewing of life itself. We wrote The Roots of Dub together, and it was his influence and incredible writing that made that opening salvo so special. The list came next: Rubbin’ the Dub. The third part, More Rubbin’ the Dub, focussed on dub versions on 45. Dub Fix 50 included imports, basically just favourites of mine from my own record collection. I also invited other writers such as Chris Lane, a true pioneer in writing about reggae, Hendley, who also provided me with great photos, and Penny posing as Scotty Bennett, to submit a list of their top three dub 45s and single favourite dub album. In part four, The Routes of Dub, I wrote about 12-inch singles and provided readers with an opportunity to commission their own mixes for dub plates from Silver Camel, who remixed records; Step Forward Youth was all about young sound systems. And in mid-August was Dub Conclusion/Confusion, the end to the series. The whole thing was fun to write. But the list was my favourite part, as I love a list.

-Max Abelson

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