SUMMARY: Hesitant physical intimacy with Yuuta.
CHARACTER: Mito Yuuta
WARNINGS: Mentions of fatphobia.
COMMENTS: im so sorry this was supposed to be fluffy i PROMISE. um i was thinking about the possible parallels of him and azul's childhood and even NOW since fatphobia is still a problem today i have no doubt some students at nrc would be so NASTY about it. (especially since the mob students are total dicks NORMALLY) so yk. im so sorry i promise the next thing i write will be fluff PROMISE.
His hands are shaking.
You reach out and brush his dark hair away from his eyes, and in them you find your reflection. They sparkle when you tuck his hands into yours and lead them to your hips, where you press his palms into the skin. He sucks in a breath and flushes pink, trembling as his hands hold you like you’re going to shatter at any moment. Your heart aches with the need to make him comfortable, the new intimacy so tender and sweet. He leans into you, and even though he asked for physical affection, there’s a worried look on his face.
“I’m sorry.” he murmurs, soft and tender and kind, “I’ve never...I don’t know how to do this right.”
“There’s no right way to do it, Yuuta.” you say, hoping your voice is half as kind as his always is, “I trust you. You can touch me, it’s okay.”
“I...I want to. I just don’t want to do anything you don’t like.” he swallows thickly, blinking back tears, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying—”
You pull him against you, wrapping your arms around him and holding him close. Your lips twist in sorrow when he sniffles into your shoulder, arms wrapping around you in return. You know you couldn’t possibly find the words to explain how attractive he is to you, how badly you want to do this, how much affection you want to show him, but you wish you could find them.
You know what's causing his hesitance. You’ve seen it in some of the students here, how their eyes follow him with disdain. You’ve heard the comments about his weight, how people don’t think he’s worth anything simply because he’s fat. You've heard the snarky remarks about the new student and how, no matter what he does, you know he'll never fully be valued at Night Raven College because this world is built on magic and nobody bothers to even entertain the idea that Yuuta is a person in his own right.
You can't fix that.
But you can help him through it.
And so you press your lips to his forehead, running your hand through his hair. Your free hand trails over his back, up and down and up and down and up and down until his sobs slowly fade. You pull away and press another kiss right above his eyebrow, squeezing him in your arms.
“Thank you.” he laughs, pulling away from you to wipe at his eyes, “I...I’m—”
“Don’t apologize.” you cut him off, holding out your hands, “You never have to apologize for showing me how you feel. Thank you for trusting me so much, Yuuta.”
You wish you could say more.
He shakes his head, bloodshot eyes crinkling at the edges as he smiles.
“No, thank you. You’re too kind to me, really!” he pulls you into him, without hesitation, and you’re enveloped in everything that is him as he hugs you.
You grasp at the back of his shirt and hold him as close as you can, close enough that you can feel the beat of his heart through his soft chest. He holds you reverently, he holds you like you’re worth so much to him, he holds you like you’re a person and you’re imperfect and yet that will always, always be enough for him.
It makes you want to cry.
Instead of crying, you simply hold him tighter. Yuuta laughs into your shirt and finds your hand, intertwining your fingers.
And your heart almost stops when his lips press a single kiss, right above your eyebrow.
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Father of Humanity (Adam Headcanons)
My Adam Headcanons... This is a scenario that just went through my head whilst cleaning, and this will most likely feature in the Fall of The First Man fic in the future (will contain teensy spoilers).
(In which Alastor tries to return the humiliating beatdown Adam gave him in Episode 8 of the show during a 'trust, bonding and open forum' excercises in Hazbin Hotel because Adam Falls/is now a sinner (still not sure which, just that Adam will fall from heaven). Adam shows that despite Lucifer easily beating him up and almost killing him, he wasn't some weakling nobody that some low life sinner like Alastor could just push around. Adam shows to everybody that being the First Man and the Father of Humanity is NOT an empty title.)
"Hannibal Lecter."
Alastor tilts his head "What?"
Adam points at Alastor "You basically are a second rate rip off of Hannibal Lecter. Although unlike that dude, your pathetic."
Alastor sighed, legs crossing as he leaned back on the chair.
"I don't know the details, but I do know that this, Hannibal, is a fictional character that appeared in 1999. I would be the original serial killing cannibal. Your attempts to insult me are not only pathetic but also unoriginal-"
Adam interrupts him "Don't interrupt me, freakshow. We have our turns, and as the Princess of Hell decreed, this is my fucking turn."
Charlie nervously scratched her cheek. This was another failed attempt of bond excercise with Adam around. The others are all uncomfortable and cold, if not outright hostile to Adam except for Charlie and her Dad. The others all took their shot to insult Adam in their turns, and now Alastor was the worst. Honestly, Charlie could understand them and couldn't begrudge them for their feelings because Adam was still Adam, and despite his change of heart about the exterminations, he still was such an asshole and didn't seem to change that much that Charlie almost questions if he really had a change of heart.
"That's- that's right, Alastor. You had your turn earlier, now let Adam have his."
Charlie looked at Adam, who was for the first time in weeks, pissed off.
Adam, to his credit, brushed off the others outright hostile and unwelcoming behavior towards him and was apathetic. It was her Dad whom he would have an argument and be pissed off at, but even then, her Dad was... strangely welcoming to Adam, in his own sadistic, mischievious way with how much he keeps wanting to piss off Adam but still want to be around him.
Charlie thinks that Alastor finally got to him, and all the others who had smirks and grins and snickering and especially Alastor who was giving his razor sharp smile, was delighted by it.
Charlie hopes this wont end in a fight.
"First, let's get one thing clear." Adam leaned back, lazy and comfortable, despite the bright bright burning gold of his eyes glaring down at Alastor "This is me NOT insulting you. This is me speaking facts. This is me enlightening you WHY you will always be the scum, the bottom feeder of my shoes, the ugliest stain of humanity, and a cockroach in my eyes."
"Alastor and Hannibal. The similarities? Both of you were serial killing cannibals who thought themselves above others and were stupidly entitled they thought they had the RIGHT to take others lives because of it."
Alastor piped in, pointing out the hypocrisy "Isn't that what you did with the exterminations? Slaughtering so many because you thought you could?"
Adam raised an eyebrow "There's a fucking big difference between us, shitface. I am the First Man, of Divine Ordainment of the Heaven, and it was Heaven who wanted exterminations to happen and it was FOR Heaven that exterminations happened while your a stinky filthy ugly sinner who DESERVE to rot in hell-" Everybody rolled their eyes at this and bristled at the asshole arrogance of seeping through once again "The extermination is a job. My duty. You? What's your excuse, oh-second-rate-Hannibal?"
Then Adam leaned onto the table, elbows on it and hands loosely held together. There was a glow in his eyes as he stared at Alastor.
"You know what makes Hannibal better than you? He had a worse villain origin than you and STILL was the better evil between the two of you."
Adam smile was wicked and sharp "Again, the similarities. Both of you were serial killing cannibals. In your childhood, he only had his precious little sister, and you only had your dear sweet mother-" Alastor froze, radio crackling sharp it hurt to the ears for a moment as Adam continued on "Hannibal and his little sister were only little starving kiddies trying to survive a war, and then some assholes came by and kidnapped them, and decided to make a meal out of his sister. Right in front of Hannibal, they murdered and butchered and cooked his baby sister into a soup so they could eat. And you know what they also did? They forced Hannibal to eat her, because they pitied her! So in return of that 'kindness', little shit took revenge and killed them, and ate them!"
Alastor eyebrows twitched.
"What does this have to do with me?" He sneered "The story in question is a that of a mere fictional character. You make no sense at all."
Adam laughter had come to a stop suddenly, and suddenly he was standing, looming over Alastor with his hands on the table, casting a big shadow on the radiodemon.
Gold burning eyes and a unamused cold look on that face.
"What it has to do with you? You had the better story. A better childhood. A good fucking parent. You didn't have a little sister you had to take care of and be responsible of. You had a fucking sweet mother who loved you to bits." Adam said, his broken halo crackling with his fury "You had the better villain origin. Your bastard father killed her, and so you killed him. But you didn't have to eat him. Just like you didn't have to eat your other victims."
Adam's wings snapped open.
Everybody, including Charlie were frozen in absolutely fear as holy power and Adam's aura grew like a forest fire, making them unable to move and slowly suffocate.
Her dad, where was Charlie's dad?!
Alastor though snarled at the mention of his mother though "Don't mention her, you don't know her, you don't know anything at all-"
"Alastor Hartfelt." Adam spoke, voice echoing the room "Son of Mrs. Helen Hartfelt. Hannibal Fucking Lecter had the excuse of trauma and the horrors of what happened to his sister to turn to cannibalism. His psychopathy and number of victims in his ledger were all killed in ways just like yours, for artistry and for the satisfaction of sadism, and in a way, and all that stupid jazz. What about you? Is it because your dear old 'pops' used to beat you up every weekends?" Alastor radio screeched "Or is it because it was your dear old mommy who took the weekdays beating for you?" And then it was silenced, Alastor stared at Adam with wide eyes, fear and shock. He was all stiff and frozen, he wanted to run, but the loook in Adam's eyes, the gold burning eyes, Alastor could not move. He fucking felt like the deer he really was. Frozen in fear.
Adam hummed "Could be, could be. It's understandable. Scum sinners like Alan Hartfelt truly deserved Erasure. But here's the thing-
Hannibal Lecter is fucking fictional, but still has the better excuse than you do. Tell me, Radiodemon. Why is it you have more numbers in your ledger of 28 years on Earth than Hannibal Lecter's 48 years of living?"
There was not a sound from everyone at Adam's words.
Adam withdrew and sat back. With that, he folded his wings, his halo and aura returned to normal, and he wasn't fucking suffocating others with anything anymore.
Vaggie clutched her spear. The others were all pale and sweaty and fearful and wary.
"Redemption is proven possible thanks to prissy princess here. But don't get me wrong, there's a fucking reason why sinners are sinners. Why souls are condemned to hell." His eyes flickered to the others.
There, they finally felt it what must have Alastor on edge.
They fucking felt as if their souls were there for Adam to see.
"Anthony Genovese." Angel Dust flinched, Husk was hissing and snarling protectively, fur all bristled "Don't worry, unlike this antlered freak, I won't tell anything that I've seen in your life. Just know this. Solve that little soul contract issue you have going on, and fix yourself up, try harder in turning your life around. In this hotel, your are the one who is the closest thing to being the next redeemed soul, that is, if you and princess here have figured out how to do that without fucking dying by my hands."
Adam crossed his arms "You have someone waiting for you up there. A spider winner who looks like you, white and pink. But wings and halo and that shit. Molly's her name."
Angel Dust stood up, eyes wide in hope "S-she is?"
Adam nodded "The reason why exterminations were kept a secret by higher ups is to avoid winners, human souls in heaven, to be upset. Family is family, love is love, and all that shit. That snake weirdo in Heaven is now reunited with his wife and son. If you ascend to heaven, you would be another fuck you to Sera and the seraphim, the final nail to the coffin of the end of exterminations. You and that friend of yours will be the hope of your princess, and the winners in heaven to be reunited to their family. That is, if you work hard and stop fucking around. How, don't ask me. I'm just here to oversee the hotel, and what I have done is already enough."
Adam got up to leave.
Angel Dust didn't say anything, but there was hope in his eyes. Hope that was also in Charlie's eyes.
"Oh, oh Adam! Thank you!" Joy was in Charlie's eyes, she was happy with Adam's admission about Angel. This, she was sure was Adam's honest admission. No fucking around. Her heart swelled in joy. She always knew that he could do it. That they all could do it! They just needed time and faith!
Adam grumbled "Don't thank me. It's just me telling you an observation."
Charlie glanced at others, who were still wary, but were surprised and happy for Angel. But she glanced at Alastor, her enthusiasm died a little bit, and remembered that despite Adam's Fall, he was still very much powerful...
"But um, Adam that was not, very nice of you to do that for Alastor-"
Adam snort "That lanky prick has been nipping at my heels for weeks, he got what was coming for him."
Charlie wanted to admonish Adam more and have him apologize to Alastor, but at the look in his eyes, she remembered the oppressive suffocating fury he had earlier and decided to let it go. Adam did mind the rules, he didn't start the fight. Alastor did and even then, Adam hadn't really harmed a single hair.
"So, uh. I appreciate your uhm, encouraging words. Even though I've been nothing but shitty to you-" Adam waved away Angel's sheepish but heartfelt apology and appreciation.
"Don't mention it. Seriously, don't."
Angel continued "So uh, how did you do, uhm, what you did earlier? Is that what powerful angels do?"
"Oh, that." Adam kicked his chair back into the table and dusted himself off "That's just me alone. No one could do that. Not even Lucifer. The closest thing would be the Hell Book in Lucifer's hands, that tells the very sin and reason of how sinners are condemned to hell. Oh, not just me. God could do that to too, very easily. But he's not around, so it's just me. It's a perk of being the Father of Humanity, of being the First Man."
Adam let out an aggravated sigh "It's why I was very insistent on wearing the exorcists mask. One look at every human soul, I could see everything in them. Their whole lives, in just an instant. It's pretty fucking annoying."
Alastor gritted his teeth. Still standing tall, but when Adam turned around, and stared at Alastor with his golden eyes again. Alastor stiffened, baring his teeth and his ears pinned back.
"But it's useful every now and then." Adam says, but there was no look of gleeful satisfaction. Of malicious enjoyment at another humiliation of Alastor from his hands. At how Alastor seethed in hatred and anger, but also was stiff and frozen in absolute fear.
"Charlie."
The Princess of Hell perked up, it's the first time the man had addressed her by name instead of any nicknames, gross or insulting or annoying.
"I don't know what that guy is doing at this hotel, but there's no way he's here for redemption. He doesn't care, and even if he did, he'll never be redeemed. Zero chance in hell."
Charlie looked at him, upset.
"I'm serious. I'm not insulting you. You already proved that redemption of sinners is fucking legit already, and I believe it and I can see its possible with the pornstar here. But this guy?" Adam scoffed "No fucking way in hell. Not all sinners can redeem themselves, and not all sinners are deserving of the chance of redemption."
Adam gives a sneer and a disdainful look at Alastor.
"That guy is the kind of sinner that deserves to get permanently erased from existence by the extermination. And good fucking riddance."
Adam's next words pierced through Alastor's heart.
"Because if his mother ever were to see him, she would fucking weep."
Alastor felt his knees buckle from no outside pressure and fell to the ground, staring at the floor, feeling numb.
"Alastor!"
Adam didn't give a shit if the deerfucker fell to the ground and started sobbing, but the all red asshole really did look pathetic on the ground.
Without a smile on his face, and looking like he's about to have a panic attack right then and there.
Charlie glared at Adam, upset and angry, wanting him to take his words back. The others all rushed to the radiodemon, except for Husk who was looking at Alastor with an inscrutable look in his eyes. Alastor was swallowed by his shadow, and disappeared into the room.
"I'm not saying sorry. And shut your mouth Vagasaurus," Adam said as he put his finger on Vaggie's spear and moved it away from his face "Even you with your one eye can clearly see that I said nothing but the truth."
"Dude, that was uncalled for."
Adam shrugged "Truth hurts."
"Adam, you were unnecessarily cruel!" Charlie said, not budging.
"And you are stupidly naive." Adam was annoyed. The little bitch was the spoilt naive pampered princess who was sheltered by her asshole parents "Listen here, Charlotte Morningstar. I get that you care, like a LOT, but atleast be a realistic bitch! Your lil'gf and your dad can't keep pampering you and sheltering you. Your the goddamn Princess of Hell. Stop with the sunshine and rainbows, and actually THINK!"
Charlie eyes started getting teary, hurt but still remained firm in her stubbornness.
Adam sighs. Calm the fuck down, dude. Don't lose your temper at a kid. At Lucifer and Lilith's stupid kid, the spoilt pampered grown kid. Chill the fuck down or else your gonna get fucked up and thrown across all rings of Hell by her stupid dad.
"Take this seriously. If you keep up that naive idealistic rainbow mindset you have, not only are you gonna gett laughed by the entirety of Hell, you'll have Heaven looking down at you and not taking you seriously." Adam says "I'm not joking. Lucifer has no power to back you up against the High Council in Heaven."
Adam finally turned around and left for his room.
When he took a left, a direction to where his room was in, he was not surprised to see fucking Lucifer being the snake eavesdropping spy he always was.
"Not gonna throw a punch at me for hurting your daughter's feelings?"
Lucifer sighed, looking defeated "You said nothing but the truth." And then he shot a glare at Adam "You were being unnecessarily harsh to her though."
Adam was not surprised that he gave zero shits about the deerfucker.
"Your daughter is a century plus old. She's a big fucking girl. She can take it." Adam said gruffly, unimpressed and then scrunched his nose at Lucifer "What kind of parenting did you and Lilith did to her? You guys were massive assholes-" "Hey!" "but you guys were confident. Arrogant and entitled, actually. Your kid? Your kid is a century old but has the self-esteem of a poor imp with a deadbeat dad and a abusive mother."
Adam shook his wave "Nevermind, don't answer. I don't care really. Just go in there and fix your kid, give her the fucking truth about how the real word works and how she needs to pull it together. Heaven is not gonna cut her any slack, Lucifer. You should have knowm that more than anyone else."
Lucifer released a deep sigh, and ran his hair back.
"I fucking know, Adam..." There was a troubled look in his eyes "It's just hard... There's... I don't know where to start..."
Adam sneered, no pity party and sympathy for the deadbeat dad that was the Devil.
"Why don't you start small and in the beginning, starting with Eden, and how that actually went down. Hm?"
Lucifer flinched, a guilty look in his eyes.
"Adam, I'm- I'm sorry for that..." he said as he cringed,
"I saw that little book, and it seems that its spread all over in Hell. Even on some places on Earth. But I didn't mind it. Propaganda is also a thing in heaven." Adam gold eyes burned as he stared down at Lucifer "But I'm fucking confused why the hell is your pampered spoilt rotten grown kid still fucking believes that shitty propaganda of a fairytale is an actual thing that happened. Care to explain, L u c i ?"
"Adam, I'm sorry. We, I, I didn't mean to-" Lucifer stumbled over his words, unable to find the right fucking words, and reached out to Adam.
Who slapped his hand away.
"Save it." Adam said "Just go talk to your kid. Be an actual parent. And just mind your own business. Stop bothering me. I don't need your pathetic excuses. It's not going to change the past. Your fucking sins. Your fucking mistakes. All that you did. All that happened to me. Everything is all settled and done."
He steeled himself, and fucking took a breather.
Lucifer eyes were full of guilt and regret and shame. Adam had had enough of it. He wished he could pluck them off.
"Adam, please. Hear me out. Let, let me explain myself-"
"Didn't you hear me? The dust has fucking settled, Lucifer. Nothing can change the past. So fucking let go of it. And focus on the present and on the future, on your daughter. For fucks sake." Adam cursed, backing away from Lucifer who was still reaching for him, looking at him with those red red fucking red eyes full of regret and longing- "Just. Just do what you gotta do. I'm just here to see how your daughter is doing in redeeming souls and making sure she succeeds to say fuck you to Sera and the other angel assholes upstairs."
Adam closed his eyes "And if that happens, maybe, just maybe God will finally fucking forgive me and give me peace."
Lucifer stiffened at Adam's words. His face graying at Adam's words, a reminder of Adam's wish and motivations for helping his daughter succeed. It made Lucifer remember the aftermath of the extermination battle those weeks ago... The look of horror and fury. The desperation in Adam's voice. Of God answering Adam from where the fuck he is. Of Adam's eyes, full of despair and emptiness.
Lucifer held himself, his claws digging into his flesh. His He wanted to say something, but he couldn't find the right fucking word. In the end, he said nothing. He did nothing.
All he could do was watch as Adam left and headed towards his room.
Lucifer tried to swallow the stifled feeling in his throat. Tried to soothe the stifling ache in his heart.
Lucifer... Lucifer didn't Adam to go.
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