#cause to him the end outweigh the cons of his decisions | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

elysianslove · 3 years

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Please wrote more surrogate fics please . could I request one with SakuAtsu or could you just start a series on these. If you'd me comfortable with that. That on IwaOi surrogate fic brought me so much joy. I can't even describe it.

oh my goodness i’d love to!!! it makes me so happy knowing you liked it cause like,,, idk why it’s just special to me :) also im so glad you asked for sakuatsu bc these two ships are basically my favorite jhfgbsj. and yesyes i’d love to have a mini series with like little scenarios of each ship <333

this was insanely long. like insanely.

content warning; artificial insemination, pregnancy, haikyuu manga spoilers, gay people being happy idk

being iwaoi’s surrogate

BEING SAKUATSU’S SURROGATE

↬ it took forever to even get them together, so with a duo as indecisive as them, it’s imaginable how long the decision to raise a child together took. it took a long, long while for that transition from enemies to lovers to be final, and even then, they hadn’t realized how serious their relationship was until they were off getting married and then suddenly wanting a child?

↬ it was something atsumu brought up out of the blue, just casually as they sat side by side on the couch. “wouldn’t it be nice if we raised a child together?” and it stuck with sakusa ever since. he didn’t know why he was obsessively thinking about it as much, but it’s all he could think about. literally. anytime he so much as thought about atsumu with a child, and a child of their own too, his stomach did a thousand and one flips. sakusa was never the biggest fan of children, and he knew that neither was atsumu. but, this would be different, wouldn’t it? Still, he tried to remind himself of the cons; they were pro-athletes, they didn’t have time, they didn’t understand the weight of the responsibility, were they even ready for something like that? somedays it was too tiring to take care of themselves, of each other. were they ready to be responsible for a whole life, someone dependent entirely on them? it seemed too— unrealistic. like something he could only hope to dream about, and just dream about.

↬ until he thought of atsumu with a little kid, a spit image of either one of them, sitting on his lap, giggling and laughing and squealing in glee. and so he decided, there will always be cons, he just has to see if the pros outweighed them. and honestly, they did. they were pro-athletes, sure, but that also meant they were financially stable, and could provide for a child, properly. they were mature now, knew each other very well, and had adapted to living with one another. they had family and friends all around. the kid would for sure grow up loved and cared for, and him and atsumu would add another person to their family. it really seemed like a dream, but this time, an attainable one.

↬ so as he ate dinner with his lover, he blurted out, “let’s raise a child together,” and atsumu honest to god choked on his food. he asked sakusa if he was serious, if he meant it, if this was real, and sakusa’s answer was yes to every single one of his question. yes, he was serious; yes, he meant it; yes, this was real. as real as can be.

↬ they both already knew they wanted a surrogate, and it didn’t matter who was the father. so long as the child was theirs.

↬ finding a surrogate was, well, a pain, to put it into perspective. sakusa was so picky about the “requirements,” if you will, and atsumu was suspicious of every single woman, it was kind of ridiculous really. he just “didn’t trust that they wouldn’t run away with the baby!” in his words. atsumu suggested sakusa’s older sister, which seemed perfect in his head, but sakusa refused, claiming it was 1. extremely weird, and 2. he doubted she’d say yes, with her own life to handle.

↬ and it finally, finally, came to atsumu: he could always just ask, well, you. he had met you during his college years, and since then, he’d been coincidentally crossing paths with you ever since then, and you’d even managed their msby jackals team at some point. it was weirdly ironic how he’s coming back to you, kind of like fate.

↬ so he suggested it to sakusa, and for once, the latter didn’t really have any way to object, except, “what if this inconveniences her?” other than that, you were the perfect candidate. they knew you well, trusted you, knew they could rely on you. and atsumu was sure you wouldn’t run with the baby. with regards to the inconvenience part, well, they could always just deal with that when the time came.

↬ they invited you over for some breakfast two days later, after they’d thought about it properly, endlessly, and figured you were their best option. it was weird seeing them so nervous when you first arrived, like they were breaking up with you or something. atsumu barely ate with how nauseous he felt, and sakusa spent the entire time watching you eat instead, hands fidgeting and legs shaking. it was really weird, but you didn’t bring it up, letting them take their own time to tell you whatever it was they wanted to tell you, because obviously, they clearly had something to say.

↬ after breakfast, you sat in their living room, just watching the tv quietly, until sakusa offered to get you some water. you weren’t really thirsty, but you agreed anyways, unsurprised to see atsumu rise from his own seat a minute later with a, “be right back,” as he headed to the kitchen. you could hear them bickering and whisper-yelling, and if you weren’t starting to grow as nervous as they were, you would’ve had it in you to laugh. they returned looking like they were bearing the most daunting of news, sitting down on the couch perpendicular to you. atsumu’s hands were sweaty and intertwined tightly together, while sakusa tried to remain as composed as possible. it seemed like the dark haired man would speak up, finally, parting his mouth with a deep breath.

↬ but it’s atsumu that blurts out, “please have my baby!— our baby. please have our baby.”

↬ honestly, your first response was to laugh, in disbelief, as you clutch your glass of water. but then you see their faces — god they looked so goddamn scared — and you realized that, they were really serious. they really wanted you to carry their baby for them. holy shit?—

↬ you were mostly speechless after that, stuttering as you ask them to please explain, you’re honored but are they are, have they thought about this? properly? in depth?

↬ to your surprise, they really knew what they were doing. they’d done their research, and thought about a million other options before deciding that you were the best one. they also repeatedly told you that you didn’t have to do this, and that they didn’t want to guilt-trip you into doing it either. they wanted you to say yes only if you yourself wanted to say yes, and if this wouldn’t negatively affect you or halt your life in any way. you were the one that was going to be carrying the baby anyways, weren’t you? at the end of the day, this was all about you.

↬ you asked them for time to think about it, and reminded them that it wasn’t a no. you just wanted to make sure you were making the right decision whichever that ended up being. a few days later, you call them, asking them to meet up one way or another, and atsumu’s even more nervous than he was asking you; not even sakusa’s gentle lips to his temple or large hands soothingly rubbing at his back or his kind words could help him. sakusa himself was insanely anxious. in his head, it seemed like your ‘no,’ would finalize everything. that it would really mean no hope in having a child of their own, their very own.

↬ you invite them over to your home, and the kettle is already boiling when they arrive. you make them tea and make small talk if only to delay the inevitable. but, to each of their surprises, you take a deep breath and say, “i’d be honored to carry your baby for you,” with the brightest, warmest smile. sakusa has to bite his inner cheek to will himself to not cry, because he can’t believe you said yes. you agreed. you’re going to carry their baby. him and atsumu were having a baby.

↬ atsumu doesn’t stop himself from throwing his arms around you, collapsing on top of you in tight hug that you kind of can’t breathe, but you let him, and you laugh when he thanks you for saying yes, that he’ll “be forever in your debt.”

↬ it’s the happiest you’ve seen either of them.

↬ when you’re done with the process of insemination (of course, atsumu does joke that the three of you should go the natural way and have a threesome, to which he earns a smack from his lover and a smack from you, at the same time), the three of you just have to wait, really. it’s the longest period of waiting you’ve ever had to do, but you try to be patient, as patient as you can be. when you wake up one morning and throw up, you look at your period tracking app to see if maybe you were pms’ing. except, you weren’t. you were late. like a good three weeks late.

↬ immediately, you’re booking a doctor’s appointment. you wait to tell sakusa and atsumu after confirming your suspicions, because you don’t want to raise their hopes up for nothing. they’ve already been swimming in a pool of doubts ever since the insemination, calling you everyday to check up on you and ask for any progress. when the doctor confirms your pregnancy — holy shit you were pregnant — the first thing you do is go over to their house. you know it’s not the best idea to show up unannounced, but with how long they’ve been waiting, and how much they’ve been wanting this, the more and more you fed into it, you couldn’t wait any longer to tell them. you arrive, and the moment sakusa opens the door for you, you gasp out, “i’m pregnant.”

↬ sakusa’s quite literally frozen in shock, his mouth pressed in a thin line with eyes wide open, while atsumu walks over and goes, “oh hey,” in greeting before noticing sakusa’s face and just ???? “what’s going on?”

↬ “i’m pregnant.”

↬ “you’re what?”

↬ you show them with tears stinging your eyes the results of the test you’d taken at the doctor’s, and atsumu grips the report so tightly, like it’ll disappear if it slips only slightly from his hands. sakusa’s still in shock, trying to process everything. it takes him a good while before he can function properly again.

↬ the pregnancy itself is a lot smoother than you’d imagined. iwaizumi, as their athletic trainer, although not well versed with pregnancy, knew a lot about health and taking care of yourself in general, so he made sure you were always eating right and healthy. he even accompanied you once when sakusa and atsumu couldn’t, to the doctor, and made sure to ask him specifically what you should and shouldn’t be eating. all of the olympic/national team are more excited than anything. they’re insanely protective over you, and always pamper and care for you you when they can, whether that be back/neck/shoulder massages or giving you their food when they notice you eyeing it or letting you lean entirely on any of them for support as you walk. granted, they do make fun of you, especially the bigger your stomach got, but they mean well, really. suna once made fun of you and, because of the hormones, and because he was genuinely just mean, you started to cry. since then, suna swore off bullying you, at least until you gave birth.

↬ osamu is beyond ecstatic to become an uncle. he’s so excited it makes atsumu incredibly emotional. he goes with his brother on trips to ikea to buy a crib and gifts him an insane amount of baby clothes and always begins a conversation with, “how’s the baby?” every time you’re around, osamu’s hand can be found resting on your stomach, soothingly rubbing, excitedly grinning when he feels a kick. he is just so happy for his brother, he could cry.

↬ you ask them if they want a gender reveal when you find out or to keep it until the delivery of the baby, but they’re both insanely impatient (even though sakusa does try to convince atsumu to wait because it’ll be exciting, he himself isn’t even that convinced of that and they just ask you to tell them). with the help of osamu and his and atsumu’s parents, you organize a gender reveal party. the moment he sees the pink smoke, atsumu cheers so loudly it makes you laugh till your stomach hurt. sakusa’s grinning wider than you’ve ever seen him, grabbing atsumu’s face and kissing him, before pulling you into a tight hug. it’s literally the cutest thing ever, everyone just cheering loudly around you and celebrating with you.

↬ when you go into labor, you’re with neither of them, but with osamu, aran, and kita. they were staying the night at a hotel since they had training away from where they lived, and you were spending the night at osamu’s because the fathers of your baby really didn’t want you to be alone so close to your due date, and who better than osamu? your water didn’t break, but you kept having contractions. you were brushing it off as normal pain at the start, but they started to get worse, and closer together in time. kita, because he’s kita, had been keeping track, and told you how far apart your contractions were. to which you went, “contractions?!”

↬ aran’s calling sakusa and atsumu as kita grabs your bag as osamu grabs his keys and helps you to his car. you really couldn’t have been around a better set of men, because they were perfectly composed the whole time, helping you breathe and stay calm by staying calm themselves, reassuring you that you didn’t need to worry and that you will get to the hospital in time. they did flinch every time you screamed or cried out in pain, but aran held your hand the entire drive there, and kita guided you to steadying yourself as osamu drove as fast as he could.

↬ the issue was with sakusa and atsumu. to say they were freaking out would be an understatement. they were positively losing it. atsumu’s anxiety was louder than sakusa’s, but the latter’s was clear as ever on his pale skin and clammy hands. they were so annoying in the delivery room, literally faring worse off than you, who was pushing a whole baby out of her body. when you finally gave birth to a healthy baby girl, atsumu sobbed and sakusa cried in his hands, so maybe it was alright after all.

↬ they literally couldn’t believe their eyes when the nurse handed you the baby and placed her on your chest. she was so, so tiny, so beautiful, and theirs. honestly, you couldn’t hold back your own tears at the sight of her, and at their reaction to her. you held her in your arms as they thanked you, over and over and over again, for the biggest blessing they could ever receive.

↬ despite the fact that you were simply their surrogate, sakusa and atsumu knew they couldn’t just separate you and your baby, and neither could they just take her home all of a sudden. so for the first few months, you stayed in their guest room, but the baby slept in her own room. it was more difficult than you expected it to be when you were leaving her to go back to your own home, but they promised you repeatedly that they’re not really taking her away. it wasn’t as if you couldn’t visit at any time you wanted to come visit her. but at the end of the day, you knew what you had been signing up for, and that she was their daughter.

↬ she grows up to be a gorgeous woman. she’s interested in volleyball, sure, she’d been raised with volleyball players everywhere around her, but it’s not her immediate passion. atsumu thought he’d be more upset about that than he actually was, because he found out that it didn’t matter at all what she wanted to do. hell, if she wanted to do nothing at all and stay home forever with them, he was 100% on board with that. whatever made her happy and healthy, he was okay with. she grows up to be really close and really comfortable with both of her fathers, and they make sure with every passing day that no matter what, she can always come to them. and she does, about every little thing. and each and every time, they listen and advice and guide her properly. a s parents, they’re a perfect balance of strict and lenient. they set and raise her to never cross those boundaries, but otherwise they give her complete freedom. they respect her privacy, her decisions, everything.

↬ there was a day when she came back home from school, and they had taken a biology class for kids, where a teacher had explained periods to them. obviously, as curious as ever, she’d asked her dads about it, because she didn’t really get it. she wanted to know the how’s and the why’s and the what’s and the when’s. with every passing second atsumu had felt his lifespan shorten. eventually he suggested they call you, who she knew as her ‘aunt’ for the time being, since you were a woman and nobody would really explain it better than you. when she did get her period eventually, and had to sheepishly and shyly ask her dads to go to the store for her because she needed, um, supplies, atsumu lost it. sakusa had to try and calm him down all while laughing as he got ready to go to the store for her, because the drama of miya atsumu never gets old. he just couldn’t believe she was already getting her period. what the hell! what the actual hell!

↬ of course, he proceeded to embarrass her by telling osamu, telling sakusa’s parents, telling his parents. not cool :(

↬ when she was old enough, especially to understand the concept of being a surrogate (oh my god the sex talk was a whole other insufferable thing), they told her about you, and that you were actually her biological mother and not just an ‘auntie.’ she tried to be angry at them for keeping it from her, but she was honestly more excited about finding out than anything. it brought the two of you closer together, and for the next mother’s day, she organized a whole brunch for you, her and her dads, got you a gift, flowers, everything. yeah, you did cry.

↬ you genuinely have never been more satisfied and thankful for a decision like this one, ever, especially because of how much of a blessing the outcome had been.

can u tell this isn’t my first time thinking about this. ever since i posted the iwaoi one i’ve been wanting to do a sakuatsu one, but i didn’t really know whether anyone had enjoyed that or would want more, so thank you for sending in this ask!! love u all mwah <3

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #miya atsumu x reader #sakusa x reader #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #atsumu x sakusa #sakuatsu #sakuatsu x reader #atsumu x reader

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anika-ann · 4 years

Text

State Your Name (for the Record) - S.R.

Type: One-shot, Reader Insert, emotional H/C

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader Word count: 5560

Summary: For a man haunted by nightmares, waking up was an ambivalent process.

For a man in love, the pros outweighed the cons. And make no mistake, Steve Rogers was a man in love.

In which Steve feels blue, but he can count on his girl to raise his spirits – especially since she can convince his whole team to do something nice for him.

Warnings: implied mission going not so well, angst, crying, self-doubts, swearing ,fluff and cheesiness of the highest order

Waking up was an everyday process most people considered unpleasant.

For a man haunted by nightmares, either made up by his traumatised mind or simply by pressing re-play on one from the stack of torturous memories, the action was both relieving and exhausting.

Waking up meant the nightmares were over; waking up meant he had to pick himself up and, despite all odds, face another day, even when his body ached and his soul seemed too tired, yet determined to continue to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders.

For a man in love, the pros outweighed the cons. And make no mistake, Steve Rogers was a man in love.

A woman he proudly called his girlfriend was nothing less than everything he could wish for; she carried beauty in features she considered imperfect, she never failed to make him smile for at least a fraction, her laughter filled his chest with delight as it lit up the room and she was gentle and dorky to a fault. And for he was willing to give her the world, she reciprocated his feelings to full extend.

Waking up next to the woman he loved was what always won over the desire to bury his face under the covers and tell the world to let him fucking rest.

He even cherished waking up with you. Hell, if he could squeeze in a morning run between the time he got up and you did, the better. He loved pulling you from your dreamland, even when you had clearly been dreaming a sweet dream, your lips gently curled up in a smile; because every time he tenderly welcomed you in a new day, your smile would turn brighter.

Which was exactly the reason why, when he opened his eyes today and found your side of the bed – how bold of him to call it that, when you usually slept in his embrace anyway, keeping his heart warm while he did the same for your body – empty, he knew that day would downright suck.

Steve muttered a curse under his breath, running his hand down his face as he forced himself to sit up and swing his legs over the edge of the bed.

You weren’t exactly a proclaimed early riser, so not only that your absence was unnerving and painful, because today more than at any other day Steve would beg for you to be there when he entered the reality, but it was also slightly disconcerting.

He tried not to read more into it and as he glanced at the clock, he knew shouldn’t – after all, he had been informed you would be gone at that time.

Still though, dark thoughts were sometimes hard to chase away. Thoughts regarding you avoiding him. He hated when he was pulling your bright spirit down, dragging you into the shadows of his world, bloody and violent, fearsome and traumatising, offering nothing but bruises, cuts, stab-wounds and shot-wounds, broken bones and broken minds.

Whenever he came back to you from a mission – a bad one, in particular – and you offered him comfort, kindness and understanding that rationally didn’t have any base since you weren’t a soldier of any kind, he questioned whether this was the last time. Whether this was the last drop into the metaphorical goblet of your patience with which it would overflow and you would finally break things off with him after a year being together, living with him for half of that time.

Steve closed his eyes, recalling your words from yesterday, ones that, at the time, fell to deaf ears.

“It wasn’t your fault,” you soothed him when he told you what had happened, how he had messed up and nearly got Natasha killed, which had resulted in Clint yelling at him for being incompetent for leading the team. “From what I hear, anyone would have made the same decision on their best conscience if they received the same intel – hell, this was the best option, they could have decided worse. You’re a great leader. And an amazing friend. The fact you’re beating yourself over something that was beyond anyone’s control only proves it. Let the guilt go.”

He had basked in your embrace and soothing voice, but the message you had been trying to send was not quite getting through, leaving him restless and feeling uneasy, drowning in self-doubt and pain.

Of course, being a bioengineer, having been the one to help developing actual painkillers and anaesthetics for him, you had also basically shoved the former down his throat because of his healing broken ribs, which caused him to sleep through your alarm and wake up at shamefully late hour.

Which meant he missed you and you had already must be on your way to France for symposium of biogenetics.

As if it wasn’t enough that he was questioning his yesterday’s decisions, his position in the team as a leader and a person to be begin with, and his life choices overall you weren’t here.

Maybe Clint was right; he might have been a captain, but in a name only. He fucked up royally and it could have cost his dear friend her life. He wasn’t what he had used to be. This century offered people much stronger, smarter and more capable than him, easily being able to replace him in the position.

His gut twisted at that idea, but perhaps this could be the time he should make space for someone else and just follow orders. Hell, he never wanted to lead in the first place! Not when he had first joined the army nearly a hundred years ago.

His sigh was the only sound in the screaming silence of the bedroom and Steve pushed himself to his feet, not surprised at all that his ribs only echoed the previous pain, and shuffled to the bathroom to have a shower.

Too sleepy and cranky to notice it earlier, he only found a sticky note – possibly having been on the mirror but peeling off because of the steam from the shower – in the bathroom sink.

Unwittingly, his lips curled up in a small smile when he recognized your messy handwriting.

Morning, Stevie. Find a little thing in our kitchen :)

Not bothering to wear more than his boxers, he obediently walked to your private kitchen. You both enjoyed breakfast with the team in the communal kitchen, but there were times you wanted some privacy, revelling in the moments you could have only for yourselves.

Kitchen? Had you managed to make him breakfast? Steve wasn’t hungry, his insides too tight for that, his mind too heavy, but he appreciated the gesture anyw-

He frowned when he found his laptop on the counter instead, a flash drive lying on top of it with another note. He wondered how could he not wake up with you moving around the apartment.

Please, play ‘PLAY ME’ video. I think it’ll be worth it. xxx

Steve found himself tilting his head to side, curious and confused. He couldn’t imagine you leaving something of a-- dirty nature for him, knowing the mood he had been in last night and yesterday in general. Sex was usually not the best way of cheering him up in such situation. As embarrassing as it might seem, he was more of a cuddler at times like these.

Not bothering with fixing himself breakfast, debating Natasha was probably still asleep in her bed in the med bay, he seated himself on the bar stool and heard out your plea.

He was not by any means ready for what was waiting for him after pressing play.

Whoever was filming was apparently not very good at it as the screen appeared to be shaking, but in the end, the device must have been placed on a steady surface and actually zoomed onto something concrete instead of showing a blur.

What surprised him more though was that it was Clint’s voice sounding from the speakers of his laptop, even before the screen showed his face.

“You for real? Do you realize what time it is…? --Oh, not as late as I thought actually. Ugh, okay. I guess that’s fair. You’re actually making this easier for me, you know that?”

Steve frowned, gulping as the voice of his teammate turned from annoyed to surprised to grateful. All of the emotions were far from what Steve had been met with yesterday’s afternoon after the mission.

The archer was seated on an empty bed in med bay, probably alone in the room (unless Steve counted the person who was filming), because there were no intrusive sounds. Steve wasn’t taken aback by the environment he found him in – after all, Clint probably spent a lot of time there, watching over his partner in both work and personal life. He fidgeted before looking directly to the camera.

“Okay. Here we go. Hey, Cap. Steve. I’m sorry. I… I shouldn’t have yelled at you yesterday. I was being an ass,” he admitted, the annoyance back – this time though, it looked as if the source of his indignation was Clint himself. “You know… you know Tasha’s my whole world and seeing her almost blown up… it got the best of me. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. In fact, I think I’d give the same order. So… I’m sorry.”

Steve gulped, not entirely convinced. If he was being honest, the seeds of doubts had been planted and while Clint’s apology did lift some of the weight from Steve’s shoulders, genuinely appreciated, his mood remained rather sour and gloomy.

Confusion never left him either. He was 95% percent sure you had been the one to film the apology, but the reason behind such action was escaping him. Had Clint left with you, hence apologizing like this instead of in person? That wasn’t right. Why would he go with you?

Turned out, expecting that that was it, the end of the recording, was a mistake. The recording went on and Steve only now noticed what length the timer actually showed. It would go for… several minutes, actually.

That was strange.

Clint on the screen fidgeted and took a deep breath, exchanging a look with of whom Steve assumed was you.

“The truth is, I wouldn’t trade places with you. Like, ever. The pressure we put on you must be unbearable. I think we forget about that sometimes, what a toll it has to take on you. The responsibility on your shoulders has to weigh a fucking ton. We don’t say thank you enough and when we do, you shrug it off, because that’s what you do. Because you think that’s what’s expected of you.”

Steve blinked in surprise, the words striking him right in his chest, knocking the air out of his lungs. What… why would Clint say that?

“And it is, but I want to tell you we appreciate it. We do. To actually fulfil my assignment, I should phrase it differently. I appreciate your modesty, your determination and the fact I can always rely on you. Except when your lady’s around. Then you kinda get lost in-”

A terribly aimed slipper hit the archer in his shoulder and the corners of Steve’s lips automatically twitched in amusement. Oh yeah, it was definitely you behind the camera, now he was sure. Familiar warmth spread around his heart when he realized you wanted to prove him that Clint not only didn’t blame him, but appreciated him even.

What had Steve even done to deserve you?

“-ouch!” the man in the recording complained, pretending to be wounded. “What? It’s the truth—fine. You’re just- you’re great, man, alright? That’s it.”

Steve nearly went for his phone that very second, wanting to let you know how much he loved you, even though his doubts didn’t go away.

The picture changing in a sharp cut made him stop as he spotted a flash of red hair.

Natasha. She was awake. It was undoubtedly her and in a recent footage, because Steve recognized that wound on her head – and she was lying in a hospital bed.

What in the world even…?

The tension in his shoulders eased despite his heart racing. She was smirking even.

“Hey there, you righteous guilty-driven ass!” she greeted him, only to be scolded by your voice from behind the camera.

“Nat!“

“I swear I’m about to make a point!” the spy protested, raising her uninjured hand in a gesture of surrender. “So from what I understand, you’ll get this video only in the morning and by that time, you’ll have already checked up on me for three times – or four, unless you bothered to find this recording first thing after waking up – despite doctors telling you I’d be fine every time you do.”

That-- was unsurprisingly accurate. What Natasha said was true – Steve had checked up on her three times before you had talked him into finally going to bed to get some sleep and he had been thinking about stopping by first thing after finishing this video.

It was almost infuriating how much Natasha knew him, but Steve was too relieved she was awake, speaking and calling him out on his bullshit to care.

“‘cause you’re fussing, Rogers. You’re a mother hen.”

Steve sighed. She was right once more. He had been said such, multiple times. But he felt responsible for his team, for his friends and you and he had seen too many deaths in both the past and the modern times to not to fuss.

“But you know what? We bitch about it, but we love it,” Natasha announced, her smirk softening into a smile. “Let’s be honest; our team needs a babysitter. Clint and Tony are giant children with dangerous weapons, not to mention oh so mighty Thor, I admit I can get cocky just to prove myself in the sea of testosterone from all of you and Bruce… you always try to get him in, showing him that he’s worthy as both the Hulk and his human self. You’re a mother hen with giant heart and you’re baring it for us, carrying it on your sleeve and putting in into everything you do. So… keep rolling. And for god’s sake, do not visit me again.”

Terrible wink followed, very unsubtle, as if she was telling him she was only kidding, but at the same time not quite, because he was overdoing it with his mother-henning.

And Steve found himself laughing at the glint in her eyes, feeling tears forming in his own. His limbs felt strangely floaty, as did his head. He couldn’t remember receiving so much compliments and support in a very long time, certainly not from the former assassin duo.

The sensation was pleasant, but oh so unusual, he couldn’t even describe it.

Of course, the fact you had orchestrated this whole this was not helping his lovesickness. It was hard to tell whether it was day or night from the footage, when exactly you did this, but he was aware of how nervous you were about the symposium. You should have been going through your notes for your presentation (for like… the tenth time, because for all your brilliance, you were a very nervous speaker, a bit like Bruce); instead, you spent your spare time doing this, only to make Steve feel better.

And the video was far from being over.

Surely enough, the scenery changed again, the camera aimed at a computer screen this time. Steve didn’t understand until he recognized Thor, who was currently spending his time with Jane Foster in New Mexico, video-conferencing with you.

“Unbelievable,” Steve muttered under his breath, amazed.

“What is it, lady of Captain’s?” the alien demigod asked, frowning at the screen of his own computer. “This way of communication is still confusing, why are you writing when we can talk together? …Oh.”

The blond was silent for a moment, appearing in deep thought, before smiling broadly.

“Very well. What is of the Captain’s qualities. He’s a mighty warrior. A brave man I would always follow into battle without question. Excellent leader, always having his garrison’s safety in mind-“

A sting of guilt burned at Steve’s consciousness at that.

Did he? He always tried, sure… but was it enough? Yesterday’s incident was proving the opposite, yet he had been acting in utter belief that what he had decided was for the best, confident that the risk for his teammate was minimal. That was the problem with bad intel; they never knew it was bad until something blew up in their faces, sometimes literally. He could never predict what had happened.

And with each minute of this video, Steve felt he was letting a piece of the guilt go, along with doubt.

He wasn’t stupid; he knew that precisely that was the point of this thing, but… yeah, that realization did nothing against the fact that it was working.

“Steven radiates strength, both bodily and mentally and he is a great friend of all,” Thor on the screen continued in his loud voice. “I feel blessed by the Allfather and all Gods above for I encountered him and fought side-by-side with him as well celebrated victories. I look forward for more to come, always delighted by reconnecting with him.”

By the time Bruce in his lab coat appeared (seriously, how did you manage to get a hold of everyone? Steve wasn’t sleeping for that long, though it probably helped that half of his team, if not all, were insomniacs), Steve was breathless with anticipation, greedy for hearing what others had to say, no matter how selfish it made him.

He craved comfort and since you weren’t there… you obtained a different kind of comfort for him and shit, was it working.

“Uh. I’m not good at this-”

“Try? Please?” you asked the scientist softly and Steve could imagine your soothing smile, the gentle hope and plea in your eyes. Steve could never deny you when you asked something of him like that and when you stooped even lower and used your puppy eyes, he stood no chance.

“He’s lucky to have you, you know,” Bruce noted and Steve’s smile widened when you sounded flustered at that remark.

“Bruce…”

“What? You’re an important part of him we appreciate. But I understand complimenting you isn’t the point of this. Just let me… eh. Alright. I think I got it. I’m not good at talking, but I’m gonna try,” he exclaimed, clearly determined. He wasn’t looking directly into the camera, but that didn’t steal any significance from his words.

“Steve, I hope you don’t beat yourself over what happened yesterday. I mean… I know you do, but my point is – don’t. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. You do what you believe is right and we know you long enough to know that that moral compass of yours is as important as your quick decisions in the field – right ones. But what is even more important and why I appreciate you is that… you try to see that piece of goodness in everyone. You see it in Nat, who sure made some questionable things in the past. You see through Tony’s façade and… you see good in me. You look and you see good in people – and every creature – and that’s the best thing about you. Ugh… yeah, I don’t think I can do more.”

He smiled awkwardly, fiddling with his fingers then and lowering his gaze.

It was easy to imagine what – or rather who – was coming next. Steve wasn’t confident he could take it. He had felt an uncomfortable stinging in his eyes two people back, few tears at bay, but he wanted to watch the rest.

The floating sensation overwhelmed his brain and he was honestly surprised he was still breathing, because he felt too stunned to do so. And he felt… moved. Appreciated. Cherished. Hell, he even felt the confidence he needed in the field to the exact quick decisions Bruce had mentioned slowly returning.

His team, his friends… they trusted him. They doubted him less than he doubted himself.

The picture got blurry once more, Tony’s incredulous voice crystal clear.

“So you want me to make a video equivalent of a love letter to him,” the billionaire stated sceptically and despite himself, Steve grinned.

Tony was a complicated person, but leave it to him to be sarcastic and lift the spirit in his own very specific way.

“No! That’s not- Tony. Please?”

“You know, this puppy eyes shit only works on Rogers, not-“ he wavered and Steve laughed as the recording cleared and focused on Tony’s torn expression. Oh, he was going to give in to Steve’s amazing girl, Steve could tell. “-shit. I can’t believe you’re making me do this. You’re infuriating.”

“I know,” you sing-sang as Tony sunk further into the chair in his workshop. “And thanks.”

“Fine. Hey, Capsicle.”

Steve could practically hear your eyeroll at the nickname and for a good measure, he rolled his eyes too. Capsicle. It used to irritate him more, the word Stark used the first time they met. Now it was-- Steve was only mildly annoyed when Tony called him that. There were worse names he had been called.

“Steve. I bet you know, unlike like Miss America over here, that I only give nicknames to people I like,” Tony made a point, looking at you with a smirk and Steve was sure a light-bulb appeared above his own head as he realized that… it actually made sense.

“There aren’t many of those and even less of them realize that they are part of that exclusive club. Look, I do stupid shit. I built robots for fun and to cover for the fact I couldn’t exactly fight without them, and I’m terrible with people. Fury didn’t even want me on the Avengers initiative, because I’m known for being a selfish bastard and not a team player, which you recognized within five minutes of meeting me.”

Steve felt rather bad for such an early assumption. Admittedly, he had been harsh on the man, letting the information he had received cloud his judgement and became a willing victim of prejudice. Hearing Tony self-reflecting his faults, eating the humble pie, it only proved how wrong Steve had been. Hell, Tony had turned out to be the man to make the sacrifice the very same day Steve had accused him of his inability to do so.

Which was why Tony’s next words knocked the air out of Steve’s lungs very effectively, striking his heart with deadly precision. He honestly had no idea what to do with the knowledge he obtained now.

“The thing is, your stupid blond ass is making me want to change that. I hate saying this, because I’m aware it can be used against me, but you’re my friend. I respect you and I admire you. You inspire people. I will always brag about the time I carried a nuke into a wormhole, but the truth is, as much as I liked Coulson and his death was something that brought us together, without you, I don’t think I would have done it. I will bitch about you, I will call you names, I will be an arrogant ass, because that’s who I am, but it won’t change the fact I look up to you. …‘kay. I think that I did ok-- are you crying?”

Steve shook himself, for a moment swearing Tony could see him and spoke directly to him. He quickly blinked away the few tears, shocked to his very core.

Tony… was claiming to take the risk of dying during the battle of New York, because… Steve had inspired him? What the actual-

“Shut up,” you murmured at Tony’s accusation and Steve couldn’t blame you one bit for the tears he couldn’t see. He was such a mess himself. This was too much.

What Tony had said, what you had done for him, what everyone shared through this recording--

He wanted to close the laptop shut and deal with the raging sea of emotions, the silly laugh and tears threatening to spill in waterfalls, the feeling of his heart swelling and nearly bursting in his chest, making it difficult to breathe, his head spinning-

But the video was still not over.

The scenery didn’t quite change, except the chair Tony had been sitting in was empty now, his voice sounding as he spoke from a different angle to the device.

“Come on, doc, you have to do this too, otherwise it won’t count. Do it for the old man. Should I leave so my virgin ears don’t bleed on the dirty things you-“

“Tony… shut up.”

Steve could hear your sigh and heavy hesitant steps and then you appeared in the frame, seating into the chair with a discontent frown, fidgeting nervously.

Steve thought his mouth might actually tear with how widely he was smiling now. You were adorable as the camera revealed you in all your glory – Steve’s long t-shirt you usually slept in and a pair of baggy sweatpants you wore when you were cold, as well as a light sweater thrown over your shoulders. Which, given how tired you looked, made sense, because you were always cold when you didn’t get enough sleep.

Steve hadn’t thought he could get any more touched by what you did, but seeing you now, he assessed the sacrifice you had made just to make him feel better all over again, the severity of your actions hitting him.

What you had done must have been a spontaneous action; you had actually filmed all of those things in the late night and early morning. Tired, with no make-up on yet, but smiling that nervous sweet smile, you tucked a loose strand of your hair behind your ear. You were not looking to the camera, worrying your teeth over your lip.

“Okay, okay…. Please, look directly to the camera and state your name and date of birth for the record,” Tony encouraged you, indulging the moment your roles reversed.

“I’m not doing that,” you hissed, but then you raised your gaze and Steve’s heart stopped. Despite the exhaustion on your face, your eyes radiated warmth and tenderness. “Hey, Stevie. I guess Tony has a point for once-“

“Hey-!“

“-and since I came up with this, I should contribute. But where do I even start?” you wondered as if you truly had to wonder, as if there were too many things to point out. Steve craved having you in his arms to hug you profusely and kiss the living daylight of you for being so sweet and precious.

“And they all gave names to your qualities so well! Uhm… now, I don’t have a first-hand experience with your Avenging, so I can leave out this part of you, but there is still so much to love about you. First of all, you’re kind. Such a gentle soul, such a giver. You’ve been kicked down so many times and yet here you are, not yelling at me when I eat too much chocolate and then complain about stomach-ache and my belly being too soft-“ Steve chuckled at that, recalling way too many times that situation occurred. “I bet that watching this video, you’re still thinking I look cute instead of acknowledging I look like shit. Because you seek the beauty in everything and you love the world. It was one of the first things I noticed about you-“

“Right after his ass and muscles, no doubt mesmerized by his sky-blue eyes,“ Tony hummed from the background, effectively startling Steve who had honestly let the fact that Tony was even there slip from his mind, too lost in your love declarations.

“Fuck you, Tony. And his eyes are not sky-blue, they have a little green in them.“

“Really? Jarvis, show me a good picture…”

“Anyway. You give so much and don’t ask anything in return. Sometimes I can see how much you want to, but you never do. It’s like you don’t expect to get it anyway, not even the little things. As if you didn’t deserve it. Newsflash, Stevie, you do. You deserve the world. I wish I could give it to you…”

Oh, you’re doing that, sweetheart, Steve wished to tell you, but even if he had you on the phone at the moment, he wouldn’t be able to say a word with his throat constricted with the overwhelming emotions.

“And the world itself won’t come crushing down over a mistake that wasn’t even in your power to avoid and it won’t break down if you take a breath and relax. I always think I’m on the right way to convince you about that, but then you shy away from it. You matter, Stevie. You, Steven Grant Rogers, matter so much. Everyone pointed out at least one thing about you and not the Captain and that’s not a coincidence. Despite everything, you’re only human, we remember that and we all love you for it.”

“Some more than others…” Tony interrupted again, his voice carrying a hoarseness as if he was affected by your speech as well. You pointedly ignored him.

“Don’t forget that. I have it from a good source that a guy once told you that everything special about you came from a bottle. We both know that’s a load of bullshit. Even Doctor Erskine recognized how special you were and decided to choose you. Good becomes great, you told me he said. Well, sure. It just needed an opportunity to show. Let’s be honest, I have no doubt that your stubbornness and other tiny flaws amplified too, because you’re unbelievable sometimes, but that’s okay. In the end, you’re the best man I have ever met and I am lucky and feel proud to be called yours. I love you, Stevie. So much,” your voice lowered to a whisper and with a tight smile, you lightly kissed your fingers and nearly touched the lens of the camera.

Steve choked on a watery laugh. You really were too cute for words. A brilliant scientist, one of the most intelligent women the world knew, and here you were being adorable and utterly devoted to him.

Christ, he didn’t deserve you.

“Stupid allergies…” Tony complained, fooling no one as his voice came out scratchy from the lump that no doubt formed in his throat. “You done?”

To Steve’s utter surprise, you shook your head, drying a stray tear that escaped your eyes as well, but the corners of your lips twitched in attempted smile.

“Just a sec. I’m sorry, I want to edit this video more, cut some parts out, but I’ll probably run out of time and I want you to have it in the morning. It’s a bit messy, but I hope with all my heart that you received the message loud and clear.” You have no idea. “Also, sorry for the killer dose of painkillers and sneaking out without a goodbye. I’d be pissed if you did that to me, so… you know, sorry. I promise to make it up to you when I’m back-”

“Ouch, ouch! That’s what I was talking about, I did not want to hear that! I’m scarred for life!” Tony howled dramatically and Steve didn’t even had energy to roll his eyes. He was a complete mess.

“Tony? You’re an asshole.”

“And you’re too good to be true, doc. I think you gotta get on the plane in like thirty minutes, so-“

A look of utter shock and horror appeared on your face and you jumped from the chair with admirable energy for such an early hour and the all-nighter you pulled. “Shit, shit shit-- I’m not gonna edit it at all then, dammit-“

“Nah, I bet it’s better without it, more authentic. Go write a note or something equally sickeningly sweet that you romantics do-”

“Turn it off, you goof!” you giggled, reaching for the camera and the screen went black as if on command.

Steve sat on the bar stool for several minutes, staring on the screen absently, grinning and feeling… so indescribably loved he couldn’t quite contain it.

What you had done-

Feeling like an idiot for not doing it earlier, he sprang towards the bedroom to get his phone, typing a message to you. If he remembered correctly, you might still be on your way, but sometimes it was hard to tell with Tony’s inventions.

S: Have a safe flight and nice stay, sweetheart. You’ll rock. x

S: And thank you for what you’ve done. I don’t deserve you.

His heart skipped a beat when the phone chimed in response almost instantly.

♥: Clearly, you weren’t paying enough attention when watching. Go play it again, Stevie.

He grinned. Apparently, despite the lack of sleep and the nerves he had seen every time you had thought of your presentation, you were fine.

His heart felt too big for his ribcage, squishing his lungs as it grew in size, barely being able to let out a laugh.

S: I did!

S: Correction then: thank you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I’ll always be grateful for you and I love you more than anything.

This time, he expected the early comeback.

♥: Love you too. Miss you already! xxx

Steve set the phone down with a goofy smile plastered over his face and went to watch the video again – the part with you anyway.

He could go and check on Natasha later. After all, she told him not to do that again anyway.

⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊰

S.R. masterlist

⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊰

I should be posting Errare Humanum Est and Attached, but I was feeling a bit down and overwhelmed with schoolwork, so I dusted off this baby for you. I hope you enjoyed :-*

Steve deserves some love from his girl and from his teammates. I actually considered writing this with few alternations so it was Peter doing the video (as a non-relationship kind of thing), but I guess this is even sweeter... in a romantic way anyway.

Thank you for reading!

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kim-ruzek · 3 years

Text

All The Ways A Heart Can Break

Summary: He remembers all that, and all the moments like that. And that’s why he knows that if he has the chance to make her smile, make her day he’ll always take it, even if it ends like this, even if it ends with her on a date with Roman and him alone, in his apartment, getting drunk, with only his self-hatred and pity to keep him company.

Adam turns up at the theatre, only to see Kim walk in with Roman.

Fix-it for 3x18/19. Very angsty, but it does have a happy ending. Technically has some Roman bashing in!!!

Warnings: angst!!!

Word Count: 16.3k words. (Only the first 2k is here, you'll have to read the rest on AO3, which will be linked both here and at the bottom of this post, due to length!)

Read on AO3

Notes: I hope y'all enjoy!!! This has been a labour of love and I'm so excited to finally share. A special thank you to @justanoffalygirl bc without their reactions to the snippets I sent, I might've given up!

Adam stares at himself in the mirror, the self-doubt and uncertainty he’s feeling staring back at him. There are so many reasons this is a bad idea, so many reasons why he should just get out of these clothes, why he shouldn’t go out, why he should just stay at home and drink his weight in beer.

The probability of this going bad than good is high, that the chance that he’ll be home again within in the hour, his heart torn afresh again, is too much of a possibility that he should just cut the going out part, and just skip to the self-hatred part of the evening.

If he had any sanity, any logic or rationality, he’d listen to that voice that quotes him the statistics, that tells him it gets harder and harder to hear her rejections, and it’s not worth it. But Adam’s team doesn’t affectionately call him a bit of a dumbass for no reason.

It’s not like this is a hasty decision. It’s been days of confusion, of contemplation, of questioning and uncertainty. Days of weighing up the pros and cons, and despite the cons outweighing the pros, this is the conclusion he came to. That he might be getting rejected again, that he may have a rough evening ahead of him, but no matter how high those chances are, the small chance that it’ll go well, that he’ll make Kim smile, make her happy, is worth all the pain he’s chancing.

Adam had been deep in concentration, so focused on the paperwork he was filling out, that when his phone had buzzed with the reminder which set off these chain of events, he had initially thought it was a text, not immediately recognising the difference in tone.

Assuming it had been some random text from his sister, or father, or even Kev seeing if he wants to escape from the monotony of paperwork and make a quick trip to the vending machine, he had picked up his phone, looking at it casually.

He wishes, even now days later, that he had realised it wasn’t a text, that it was a reminder. That he had been prepared in some way for the punch to the gut the reminder caused, the way it didn’t just remind him to make sure his suit was ready, but that it reminded him how much his life has changed since the day he made it, reminded him how much he’s lost since.

Reminded him that his biggest concern isn’t making sure that he doesn’t prove Kim right, that he has to set a reminder so that Kim isn’t right in her statement that he’ll forget to make sure his suit is ready.

Reminded him that in the few months since he made that reminder, he’s lost everything, lost his happiness, lost the future he thought he was going to have, lost his girl.

Reminded him of how he made the reminder with a smug grin, sitting on his bed, listening to Kim list all the examples of times he forgot to prep his clothing from the bathroom. Reminded him of how he pictured this going, of him getting his suit ready, of her realising he had, of the smug playful way he was going to wrap her up in his arms, trailing her skin with barely-there touches in the way that he knows gets her all bothered and needy for him, of how he was going to growl against her how she owes him an apology, of murmuring into her ear, telling her exactly how she could apologize to him.

Reminded him that he had made it when everything was okay, when he had Kim, when he was happy, when his heart was fine, unbroken, full of love.

When Adam didn’t have to look back on his memories of Kim and wonder if she was actually happy, if she was actually smiling because she wanted to, because she was happy, content, or if it fake, that she was miserable and he just didn’t notice.

When he didn’t have to wonder, question, analyse, dissect all his memories of her, of all their interactions, didn’t have to wonder if their playful banter was just that, if their little harmless and half-playful, affectionate arguments were really so little or harmless or if it was just another missed sign. Was she happy, in despair of him but happy, or was his habits, his casual forgetfulness really grating on her that much?

When all his memories of her wasn’t tainted with these questions, when he could look back at them, and just get lost in the happiness, of the love, because they were happy memories with the love of his life. When he didn’t have to wonder if they were really happy memories, or was it just her being miserable with him and him being an oblivious dick?

Adam had put down his phone after reading the words, turning back to his paperwork, trying to focus on the words and not on the agony twisting in his heart. All while trying to keep an impassive expression, maintaining that everything is okay, that he doesn’t once again feel like the walls are too close and he can’t breathe, not wanting his unit to realise something is wrong.

He had dismissed the notification, making it disappear from his phone screen, never to appear again, but the damage was done; there was no dismissing it from his mind.

From that point to now, Adam’s been in hell, in a constant state of heartbreak, of confusion, of contemplation. It should’ve been just as easy as dismissing it from this phone, the reminder just another relic from his life before Kim left him. It was just something he set before and had forgotten about, there was no reason for it to affect him.

Maybe it’d cause him to drink a little more at night, causes his self-hatred increase, causes his mind be occupied by thoughts of just how much he fucked everything up. And it did, but it also changed things. It made him wonder what he should do about it, made him remember that Kim will have two tickets she ordered when they were together, and made him wonder if he should approach her about it, ask about it.

Made him wonder if he should offer to pay her back, wonder if he should maybe make sure he’s fine if she wants to take someone else, like Nicole.

Made him wonder if he should tell her he’ll still go with her, if she wants. Adam knows her, knows how she’ll be in turmoil over these tickets as well, knowing how she hates wasting stuff, but also knowing how she hates going to things alone.

He had mulled over this for days. Kim had made it perfectly clear that she didn’t want him to talk to her, didn’t want him to discuss anything about them, about the engagement, about the life they were going to share together, and that should’ve made it easy for him. That he should’ve been able to stop thinking about that damn play, about the reminder, about her, but he couldn’t. His thoughts constantly plagued by the question, that if he should ask her how they should proceed, inform her that he’s still an option if she’ll have him.

Adam had planned out what he would say to her, that he’d just casually bring it up when he sees her, or even just shoot her a casual text—ignoring how if his heart was beating even a fourth as it was when he was planning this he could hardly call it casual—saying that they were friends first, so if she needs company, he’s there. As a friend.

Although if Adam is honest with himself, and the way thoughts of her have consumed so many of his thoughts since they met, Kim and him have never just been friends. It’s not something he likes to reflect on, unless he’s got her in his arms because that reminds him that he may feel like a bit of dick for it but she’s worth it, but they’ve always had this spark, this connection between them. It’s never not been a casual, at-ease state for him to just flirt with her, to watch her blush, to see her flirt back, and that’s not friendship.

And yet again, if he’s honest with himself, it wasn’t just heartbreak, confusion and contemplation that he’s been feeling these past few days. It’s hope. He shouldn’t, he should chase away, to squash all that hope with the memory of her leaving him, that hope and Kim shouldn’t go hand in hand, not anymore, but despite all that, he hoped.

Hope, because this could be the thing he’s been waiting for, the doorway in, the step to getting her to talk to him, to stand near him for more than thirty seconds, for her to look him in the eyes. Hope that maybe, just maybe, if he offered to go with her, it’ll be the start of them again, that he could get her back.

In the end, he didn’t approach her, didn’t text her with that offer, just too caught up in his doubt and self-hatred. Caught up in the memory of her leaving him, caught up in the uncertainty he has towards all their happy moments. Caught up in wondering that if he didn’t notice just how miserable she was with him, what if she agreed to let him accompany her out of politeness, and he doesn’t notice that as well.

Up until a month ago, Adam had prided himself of knowing everything about her, of reading her so effortlessly, but he didn’t see her leaving him, didn’t see her being fine with the breakup, and now he’s not sure of anything.

For all he knows, he could be wrong. Kim might not be in turmoil over these tickets, she may be assured and certain with what she wants to do with them, if she wants to go, if she wants to take anyone with her. He’s been so wrong about everything else, why not this?

There’s a part of him that wishes that would be that. But Adam doesn’t have it in him for to let it go, he can’t, no when Kim’s concerned. He may not have asked her, might of chickened out, weighed down by the cons until it was too late, but he can’t not do something.

So here he is, dressed in his suit—tie and all, despite how much he hates it—preparing to potential gets rejected. He hadn’t originally planned to wear the tie, having planned to win Kim over with the undone buttons, but they’re not together, he can’t just flirt and seduce his way out if things, and he needs to show that he’s just trying to be a friend, that he’s serious and just doing something nice, not playing an angle.

Adam knows this is a bad plan. To not even ask her, or bring it up first, to just turn up outside. To see if she’s decided to go, if she’s taking her sister or even someone like Lindsay—they may not be together anymore, but he still notices things, like the two of them bonding.

But the thought of her turning up alone, feeling shy and out of place because of it, and knowing that he could make her night, make her happy, just by showing up is the only thing he needs for the resolve to stick to this plan, to ignore all the reasons why he shouldn’t go.

CONTINUE ON AO3

#burzek #kim burgess x adam ruzek #kim burgess #adam ruzek #chicago pd #burzek fic #chicago pd fanfiction #Ree writes #ree's.writing

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solarune · 3 years

Text

drop out

@rasapad said: Hello! Here’s an idea: “Do you think the moon is jealous of how pretty you are?” + Renjun, and motorcyclist au… except let’s make it fun and have the reader as the one with the motorbike!

pairing: huang renjun x reader

genre: angst, some fluff, college au

warnings: swearing

word count: 1,996

a/n: my first renjun fic!! hopefully i got his characterization right, please let me know what you think!

Renjun has never been one to take risks. Before every choice he makes, he always makes a mental list of pros and cons, thinking of every single outcome possible and what they could potentially lead to. Do the pros outweigh the cons? Does this benefit him in the long run or this is only temporary? Will he get hurt?

Renjun never takes risks but when it comes to you, it’s very hard to say no.

And that’s exactly how he finds himself on the back of your motorcycle, hands clasped together over your torso as he holds on for dear life while you zoom down the highway. You weave around cars and buses alike to avoid the traffic, some of them honking at the two of you, but unlike Renjun, you like taking risks. Where Renjun is logical, you’re emotional. Where Renjun is overthinking, you’re spontaneously doing. The two of you are exact opposites and it’s for that reason that you’re best friends and for that reason that Renjun caught feelings for you. How could he not? You’re everything he isn’t. You with your confidence, no bullshit attitude, easy laughter, and attention-grabbing aura. You’re everything he wants to be.

You reach a red light on the way to your destination and Renjun’s grip finally loosens to allow his hands to rest for a few seconds. The leather jacket that you’re wearing squeaks as you turn to look over your shoulder at him and you push the visor of your helmet up to reveal a bright smile. His heart skips a beat and he clears his throat, raising an eyebrow and asking in a bored voice, “So are you going to tell me where we’re going or are you just going to keep on driving? I would at least like to know which ditch I’m potentially going to be left for dead in because of this metal death trap you’ve forced me on to.”

You roll your eyes with a smile still on your face as one of your hands leaves the handlebars to gently hit his leg. “We’re not going to die, Junnie, you’ve been on my motorcycle enough times to know that! And-”

“And yet I still feel like I’m close to death every time I get on,” he interrupts you. “Funny how that works.”

“And no, I’m not telling you where we’re going,” you continue with a pointed look after his rude interruption. “It’s a surprise!”

“You know I hate surprises,” he grumbles but his words are lost in the sound of your motorcycle’s engine revving the second the light turns green. His grip on you tightens once more and when he lets out a squeak when he feels you accelerate, he prays to every higher power out there that you didn’t hear him. It would only cause you to go faster and it’s taking everything in Renjun to not press his entire body up against you and hide his face in your neck until you get to your destination.

Renjun doesn’t even notice that he falls asleep until you’re shaking him awake, soft voice calling out his name while the two of you just sit on your parked motorcycle. His vision is blurry from just waking up but it doesn’t explain why everything is dark and he begins to panic and is about to call out to you for help when he realizes that he’s still wearing your spare helmet.

“You’ve been overworking yourself, haven’t you, Junnie?” you question him as you take the helmet from his hands. “I don’t know why you keep doing this to yourself, you know that lack of sleep and caffeine just end up making you more tired.”

Renjun huffs as he rubs at his tired eyes. He knows that but-

“I can’t afford to waste any time, (Y/N). My classes as a second year music theory major are some of the hardest classes I’m going to take, I can’t afford to fail.”

The two of you have had this argument before; Renjun telling you that sacrificing proper sleep is necessary to maintain his perfect GPA and you telling him that taking a 15 minute break and getting at least 8 hours of sleep twice a week isn’t going to kill him. It’s like you’re both talking to a brick wall but neither of you are willing to back down. Renjun wants to succeed and you just want to keep your best friend alive and functioning.

But you don’t argue with him this time. “I know,” you simply reply, and Renjun is taken aback. No snarky response? No threats to his life? What the hell is going on? “Anyways, we’re here!”

When he looks around, all he sees are trees and grass lit up only by the moon. That’s it, Renjun thinks to himself. I’m going to die here. You begin to walk deeper into the forest and Renjun scrambles off of your bike and runs to catch up with you, the darkness of the unfamiliar forest keeping him on edge. “Can you please tell me what we’re doing here?” he asks. He doesn’t care if he sounds scared or desperate because those are the only two things he’s feeling right now. “Because the more we walk, the more I feel like you’re going to murder me-”

The two of you emerge out onto a cliff and the entire city is laid out before you. It’s enough to take Renjun’s breath away as he stares down at all of the lights, and even in the dark, he can just make out all of the cars on the highway that you were on before. When he takes a deep breath and the cold night air enters his lungs, Renjun feels like he’s at the top of the world. When he looks over at you, he finds that you’re already looking at him with a fond smile on your face and Renjun can’t help but smile back. “This place is amazing, (Y/N)!” he exclaims. “How did you even find it?”

You take a seat on the edge of the cliff, your feet dangling off and swinging in the air, and you pat the ground beside you as a silent request for him to sit beside you. “I was just driving around one night looking for a place to think and just happened to come here.” You shrug and don’t even look up at him as you pull up handfuls of grass. “It’s been around a month since I first found it and I thought it was finally time to bring you here.”

Renjun only nods in response and a comfortable silence falls over the two of you while the wind and muffled sounds from the city provide you with background noise.

“Do you think the moon is jealous of how pretty you are?” you ask randomly and Renjun swears he almost topples off the cliff from how fast his entire body turns to look at you. You’re staring up at the moon and even though you’re not looking at him, Renjun can tell that you have a strange look in your eyes. He doesn’t like that. “I’ve always thought that moon is pretty, but to be honest…” Your eyes finally meet his and a sad smile appears on your face. “I think you’re prettier.”

All Renjun can do is stare at you as he attempts to process what you just said to him. “Are you okay?” he asks, leaning forward to touch the back of his hand to your forehead. “Are you sick? Why are you being so weird tonight?”

You swat his hand away with a laugh, but the happiness on your face is short-lived and is immediately replaced by a somber expression. “I’m not sick, Junnie, I’m fine.”

When Renjun looks at you, he can tell there’s more you want to say but you just don’t know how. So he waits in silence, allowing you to gather your thoughts and giving you the time that you need to say what you want. Maybe her dog died, Renjun thinks to himself, trying to think of every possible thing that could have happened that would cause you to be this serious around him. Or she had a bad day, maybe it was her idiotic chemistry lab partner. Or-

“I dropped out today,” you finally blurt out. “Like, out of college.”

All of the air feels like it just got knocked out of Renjun’s lungs. “You what? Why?” It’s okay, it’s fine, he reassures himself. She’s always been impulsive. Maybe she just needed this semester off and she’ll come back next year. And it’s not like I’ll never see her again.

“I’m moving to America to live with my sister.”

No.

“What the fuck, (Y/N)?” Renjun practically shouts as he jumps up from his seat on the ground. “This isn’t funny, stop joking around.”

“I’m not joking around, Renjun,” you say softly as you get up to stand in front of him. “I’m leaving in 2 weeks.”

Renjun. You never call him that. It’s always ‘Junnie’ or ‘Jun’ or ‘idiot’. Never ‘Renjun’.

His vision goes blurry and Renjun doesn’t even realize that he’s crying until he feels tears running down his cheeks. He wipes away at them angrily as he glares at you. “What the fuck were you thinking, (Y/N)? Why didn’t you tell me you were thinking of dropping out? I could have helped you, we could have figured this out together!”

“This is exactly why I didn’t tell you,” you respond, and Renjun can hear frustration in your voice. “I knew you would be like this. You wouldn’t understand-”

“Understand what?” he asks. “Understand that you just threw your entire life away?”

“Understand that this is me finally starting to live the life that I want!” you retort and at this point, you’re both shouting at each other. Your fights have never been like this before and the anger between you two is so visceral that it makes Renjun even more scared. “I don’t belong here, Renjun; in this school, this city, this country. There’s so many things the world has to offer that I wouldn’t ever learn in school and I want to find out what they are. I’m tired of sitting still. I want to do something.”

Renjun doesn’t know what to say at this point. You’ve always been restless but he didn’t think it would come to this. You’re taking a big risk and even though the decision was never his, he still feels scared.

“I’m not like you, Junnie.” Your voice is soft and when Renjun looks at you, all he sees is sadness and uncertainty, plain as day on your face. “There isn’t one thing I particularly like enough to study, I don’t have a dream job, I’m not passionate about something that’s able to make me a ton of money in the real world. At this point, I don’t even know what the hell comes after moving to America. But I need to get out of here.”

More silence. Renjun can’t bring himself to say anything. His mind is blank.

“I wish it wasn’t like this. I wish I could be like you,” you confess. “You’re always so sure of yourself, you always know the right choices to make to get to where you want to be. You’re so smart, Junnie. I wish I could be like that.”

Renjun’s hand balls up into a fist at his side. “You are smart, (Y/N), don’t you dare think otherwise. I may not agree with your decision but I always knew deep down that college isn’t meant for you.”

He looks back out onto the view of the city. I’ve always wanted to be like her but she wants to be like me. How ironic. Now he knows why you brought him here after all this time. You were waiting for the right moment. “I just wish you weren’t leaving me.”

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gothgovernment · 4 years

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In Bed With Geo (Louis Tomlinson One Shot)

December 2015

"Hi friends and welcome back to in bed with Geo. As you can see, today I'm in bed by myself. This video has been a long time coming, which makes filming it right now absolutely terrifying..." I trail off with a nervous laugh. "Because I was so nervous, I spent three hours getting ready just to avoid this for as long as possible." I smile into the camera before taking a moment to collect my thoughts.

"As I'm sure you've all heard, One Direction announced their hiatus today. I've known this was coming for a few weeks now and it breaks my heart to see this all come to an end. These guys are the reason I have a career. These guys are some of my best friends. These guys are the reason I'm still here. And I am so proud of them for doing what's right and taking a break now before they all burn out..." I start to tear up. Fuck this video is going to be a rough one to edit.

"So, this is my story of how One Direction, and one member in particular, impacted my life in the best way possible."

September 2011

"Welcome Mr Tanaka," the petite lady at the door said as she let my father and I into the party. It was packed with important looking people wearing their nicest suits and dresses. One Direction signs littered the walls as everyone celebrated the release of the boy bands first single 'What Makes You Beautiful'. My dad is a musician with Syco. He helped write and record the guitar for One Directions upcoming debut album. I've always admired his work and I am so proud of him for helping aspiring musicians to realize their dreams.

Dad turned to me and smiled while throwing his tattooed arm around me, "you look so beautiful tonight, honey." He always knew how to ease my nerves. I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear as I responded with a soft thanks. "I've got to go congratulate the boys, want to come meet them?"

"Of course! I've only been asking you to introduce me since your first session with them," I giggled as Dad stuck his tongue out at me. I quickly grabbed a glass of champagne from a tray a waitress was carrying before following dad in the direction of 5 young lads. As we approached them, beautiful blue eyes locked with mine. I smiled politely at the handsome boy as Dad and I came to a stop in front of the group. He returned the smile and stuck his hand out for me to shake.

"Ahh so you're Geo. Izuki here has not shut up about you! I'm Louis," he said cheekily, giving my dad a playful nudge on the shoulder after our hands parted.

"Oh really? What has he said about me? All good things I assume," I bite back a smile as I see Dad rolling his eyes at us. Dad has told me a lot about the boys, but especially Louis. He seems to think we are destined to be friends.

"Alright, give it a rest," my Dad huffed with a smirk, "Boys!" My dad called to grab the attention of the remaining four band members. "This is my daughter Geo. Geo, this is Zayn, Harry, Liam and Niall." They all took turns shaking my hand with Harry even giving me a hug. "Right well, I'm leaving Geo with you while I go and talk business." Dad quickly turned and walked away, leaving me with these strangers. I watched Dad walk away before slowly turning back to the boys, immediately locking eyes with Louis again.

I spent the next 3 hours being dragged around the party by Louis, being introduced to countless important people. Something about this boys carefree and almost childish nature made me feel instantly attached to him. He is just so unapologetically himself all the time, it's almost contagious.

We had just finished raiding the food table when Louis asked me, "so, Geo... what are your plans for the future? Izuki has mentioned you're an incredible drummer." I should have known my Dad would talk about my drumming. It is, after all, his greatest achievement in me. Instilling me with a passion for music is the reason we are so close to each other. After my mother suddenly passed away, connecting through music has gotten us through our grief.

"Well right now my dream is to work as a drum tech but I also have an idea for a YouTube channel where I interview musicians, in my bed, pyjamas on, and ask them real questions. I want to talk to people about how their lives have influenced their music. How being in the industry impacts them. I want to know about their families, their hopes and dreams. I want to talk to artists like real people. Get to know why they are in this industry and if it's worth it. If the pros outweigh the cons... But that's just a fantasy. I would have no idea where to even start. I mean, the only musicians I really know are my dad and now you." I fiddle with the ring on my middle finger, realizing I just gave a much longer than necessary answer. Louis' silence causes me to look away from my ring and toward him. He is looking at me, mouth agape. His face suddenly splits into a smile which instantly helps to ease my slowly growing anxiety.

"You're a very interesting girl, Geo. Very interesting indeed..." He trails off as he quickly pulls out his phone, texting someone rapidly.

It's now close to midnight and Dad has decided to call it a night. As I bid farewell to the boys in the form of hugs, I reach Louis last.

"So..." I made eye contact with the Doncaster boy. "is there any chance I could grab your number? Ya know, in case you ever feel like making that dream a reality?" The cheeky glint in his eye makes me nervous.

"What? You want to come on my imaginary show?" Surely he was just being polite. No way would he actually want to waste his time on an interview that would maybe get 6 views.

"I text the lads about it earlier and we're all on board. It sounds like a brilliant idea. I fully believe in you, love." Okay wow, this feels like a dream. THE X Factor boy band One Direction want to be interviewed by me?

"If you're trying to make me swoon, you've achieved your goal," I giggle, pulling my phone out of my purse and handing it to him. When he returns my phone I see that he had text himself 'sup u sexy fuck'. I burst out laughing before giving him a long hug, whispering a goodbye in his ear.

December 2015

"I met One Direction in 2011 at the single launch for 'What Makes You Beautiful'. My dad was the guitarist for all of the recording and writing of Up All Night. All the boys instantly accepted me into their lives. Especially my now best friend Louis Tomlinson. After talking to Lou about wanting to start this channel, he immediately encouraged me and we set up the first ever 'In Bed With... One Direction'. That video gained 400,000 views within six months and affectively created my career. My whole life as I know it is owed to Lou. If it wasn't for his complete and utter faith in me, I don't think I would be here today." I start to cry, reminiscing on beautiful memories. I take a sip of my tea and think for a moment. I really wish L was here right now, but I know we would both be blubbering messes. I need to do this alone. For once, I need to do something without relying on him.

"Since my first interview with One Direction my channel has blown up. It has afforded me this house, my friends, the opportunity to meet some of my biggest idols and most importantly it has moulded me into the strong and powerful woman I am today. So I want to take this opportunity to thank you boys. Louis, Harry, Zayn, Niall and Liam. I love each of you more than I can put into words."

My phone buzzes beside me and I pick it up. 'Big Louser' sent me a text.

baby g, you okay? youve

not text me in a week :(

I sighed as I put the phone back down. I should have known he'd pick up on me semi-ghosting him. I have been so nervous around him ever since he and Eleanor split up about 9 months ago. It's like, I finally have my chance to tell him how I feel but I am so scared of losing the best part of my life. That's why, when he called me about a month ago to say the band had finally come to the conclusion of going on an extended break, I knew I had to make this video. So that the world can know and remember how important Louis and the rest of the lads are. And so that Lou can finally know how I feel. I pick my phone back up, knowing I should reply.

I'm sorry L. I promise

I'll make it up to you.

I'm filming a new video

right now that will be up

later tonight. I'll send

you the link when it's up!

Love you x

I turn my phone onto do not disturb and return my focus to the camera. "I want to talk a little bit about each of the boys from a friends perspective. Firstly, I would like to talk about Zayn. Z, you are one of the gentlest, kindest people I have ever met. You have dealt with so much during and after your time with the band. The constant racist and Islamophobic tweets and comments really wore you down a lot more than you'd let on. But Z, you would always rise above them, knowing that your culture made you into the incredible person you are today." I pause, hesitant about what I am going to say next. I would hate to overstep any boundaries here.

Choosing my words carefully, I continue. "Leaving the band must have been the toughest decision anyone could make. I remember you texting me about two months after you left to ask if I thought you'd made the right choice leaving behind your friends, your brothers. Your concern wasn't about if this would affect your future career, it was if it affected your friends. That's the epitome of the Zayn I love." I knew I would edit in a few videos I have of Z and I over the years throughout this mini speech.

I have a video of Zayn and I napping together on the couch in the green room before their show in Sydney in February of this year. He'd been really anxious about the first show of the tour and the nerves wore him out. We were originally sat together, talking about how huge this tour was going to be when he drifted off to sleep with me in his arms. I soon followed after and we napped for two hours before he was woken up to get his hair done. Who would have known that just a few weeks later he would crumble under the pressure and quit. I wish I noticed the warning signs.

"Liam 'good game' Payne, where do I begin? You are my brother, my teammate, my friend. You have always been my favourite person to play Fifa with. I remember a week after my Dad died, I heard the doorbell ring and when I opened it, you were standing there with a dozen of my favourite red velvet cupcakes and your PS4 controller. We played together in silence for hours. Once I was finally ready to talk, you stayed awake with me until 6am, sharing stories about my Dad, our lives and talking about our futures. I will always cherish you, no matter how frustrating you can be." Again, I know exactly what videos to edit in of Liam and I. One of them is him, wearing a crop top and skirt voguing after I did a full glam makeup look on him. He's going to hate me for posting it.

"Haz. My love. My guiding star. I would be a complete disaster without you. Although you are the worlds worst replier and you never answer when I call, you always seem to text me or show up at my house right when I feel like I'm falling apart. It's like the universe has linked you to me. You're my crisis line, and I am yours. I cannot even begin to count all the nights we have lied on the couch together just crying. Happy crying, sad crying, angry crying... It would almost have to be as many nights that we have spent laughing together. H, you were destined to be a rockstar. I can't think of any other job you could be more suited to. I know this is just the beginning for you, and I honestly can't wait to see you grow." I still cannot believe that my baby H is only 21 yet has achieved more than most people do in their entire lifetime. "I love you almost as much as I love apple pie." I am full on crying now. That last sentence really broke me. He and I have an inside joke that nothing in this world is better than a homemade apple pie. We would often text each other about incredible/rare/unique moments and rate them on an apple pie scale.

"Horan. I don't really have much I can say here because 90% of our conversations are inside jokes but I will say this; you have changed my life in such a unique way. I know we've had our differences, but I wouldn't change any of it. You're the one person who can make me laugh no matter what mood I'm in. You are such a light to this world. Without you in this band, I think the boys would've collapsed under the pressure a long time ago. Without you, this industry would've swallowed up every bit of joy they have. You have kept all of us sane with your stupid, loud laughter and irritatingly optimistic attitude. Please never, ever change for anyone you precious wanker." I know that I might seem a bit harsh towards Niall, but this is how we speak to each other. We've always been way too honest and, at times, cynical with only each other. He truly is one of a kind. Niall and I haven't shared as many moments together as I have with the other boys, but the moments we've had are definitely special.

"And last but certainly not least, Louis 'dumb fuck' Tomlinson. I don't even know if I can put into words how you have changed my life. You are my favourite person in this entire universe. Without you, there's a good chance I wouldn't be alive today. You are the reason I have so much self-worth, confidence and happiness within myself. You have single-handedly gotten me through some of my deepest depressions. I can't imagine my life without you. I've been trying to think about what story best represents how you're truly an incredible friend. I decided that although everything you do is a testament to how amazing you are, I would tell the one that made me cry the most.

"The year was 2013, I was 20 years old and I experienced my first heartbreak. My girlfriend of 2 years cheated on me with multiple people. I called you up, crying so hard I couldn't form a sentence. You sat patiently on the phone with me for an hour, never knowing what was wrong, just waiting for me to calm down. When I finally just hung up because I couldn't string two words together you text me that you love me. Six hours later and you walked into my bedroom, pulled me into your arms and laid with me for two days. You flew home early from your press tour without any idea of what was wrong with me. You just knew I was upset and you pushed everything aside to be there for me. When I finally told you what had happened, you hugged me tighter, looked me in the eyes and said, "you are the most perfect person in the world and you deserve to be with someone who recognises that." I think it was then that I realised that I'm completely and utterly in love with you. But you were with Eleanor, whom I adore still to this day. I would never have wanted to ruin what you two had. Because all I've ever wanted since I met you is for you to be happy. And El always made you happy." A sob escapes my mouth as I think of how broken hearted I have felt over the last few years, knowing that my true love would never be mine.

I decide to talk some time to cool down, so I walk to my kitchen to make another cup of tea. While I wait for the jug to boil, I rub my finger over my tiny teacup tattoo. Lou and I got matching tattoos not long after the boys finished recording 'Little Things'. He showed me the song and I fell in love with his verse, so we went out that afternoon and got our tattoos together, his shout. I walk back into the bedroom, press record on the camera again and get comfortable.

"When you called me up crying because you and Eleanor split up, I came straight over and returned the favour. I lived at your house for a week, doing anything I could to make you happy again. And then you went back on tour, and I returned home, and I've never felt so alone. After that week of us spending every second of every day together I realised that you're my soulmate. There's no one I want to be around more than you. And I know you're going to be so mad that I'm posting this video instead of texting you back but I want the whole world to know that you are perfect."

I finished the video with a few happier stories about my time with the boys, then wrapped it up. This was going to be an emotional afternoon.

Pressing public on that video was strange. I almost felt numb after all the emotions I had poured out while filming and editing it. I immediately text the link to all 5 boys and went to have a shower. The video was about 20 minutes long so I expected their responses would be a little while away. What I didn't expect was to walk out of the shower and into my bedroom to see Louis sitting on the end of my bed, tears streaming down his face.

We made eye contact once he realized I had entered the room. Frozen in my spot, Louis took the initiative of standing up and walking towards me. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" His voice broke as he spoke, tears threatening to spill. I tried to form words but I was too scared of the impending rejection. "Geo. We're best friends. Why didn't you talk to me? I thought that... I..." His words trailed off as the tears streamed down his face. He looked down at his feet, he always gets embarrassed when he cries. I gently grab his right hand, causing him to make eye contact again.

"I am so, so, so sorry Lou. I didn't know what to say or how to say it. I guess I thought saying it indirectly would make this easier but it's so much harder than I ever could have imagined." I look away from his bloodshot, blue eyes and focus on my hand in his. "I'm in love with you. I think I always have been... And I'm sorry that this will make our friendship weird now. I don't expect you to ever want to talk to me again to be honest."

"How fucking dare you think that. If you think I could live without you, you're insane." Louis swiftly pulled me towards him with his free hand, kissing me with all the love he could possibly give.

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a-detraque-barista · 4 years

Text

Our Haunted House

Title: Our Haunted House

Rating: M

Word Count: 5.4k

Genre: yandere, horror, smut

Warnings: cursing, yandere behaviors, mention of blood, tentacle fucking, buckets of cum, biting, marking, possessiveness, unprotected sex

Summary: On your first trip back to the Halloween Fest you ran into a quiet but attractive man. Once you get separated from your friends he can’t keep himself from touching you.

A/N: HAPPY SPOOKS DAY EVERYONE!!!! A perfect rainy day (not for trick or treaters) for Halloween and to stay home and have a Halloween Movie Marathon while eating candy and other junk food. Anyway, this is my very first smut and I hope you all like it. I also entered this in @bang-tan-bitches writing challenge, Monster Mash. So go check out all the other amazing stories posted in the challenge and show them some love and now on with tentacley Jimin 💜 💜 💜

The music box played alone on the stage. It reminded you of carnival music but there was a dark undertone to it. You were only twelve and your father decided to bring you to the annual Halloween Fest. You never got scared when someone jumped out in front of you. For some reason, you have never felt fear. Nothing ever frightened you like other people.

Your mother had voiced her concerns on more than one occasion. Calling you a freak, a monster, even going as far as a demon. She doesn’t speak to you anymore. Ignoring your existence and spending her time drinking wine and watching trash television.

The stage you sat a few rows away from had gone completely dark before a clown was in the spotlight. His makeup was done terribly. His lips were painted black which was peeling and the white paint on his face was cracking. As he smiled widely you could clearly see black smudges on his yellow teeth.

“Hello ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls!! I am your host for this evening! And tonight I welcome you to The Clowning. I did not come up with the name by the way,” he spat as he spoke with a fake speech impediment. “And now I present to you, Stabby the Prankster.”

Your father’s eyebrow raised, just as many other parents at the name. Then a clown wearing all red and black popped out from behind the curtain. A laugh similar to Woody the Woodpecker reached your ears. And just as his name entailed, he had knives in both hands. His makeup was just as terrible as the first. Instead, his eyes had red circles and his cheeks had red spots on top of the cracking white paint.

He jumped down from the stage and in front of the first row viewers. His bulging eyes looked from left to right before lunging straight ahead and swiftly slit the young boy’s throat.

Screaming followed as people began to rush towards the exit. Your father picked you up and began to run with you tightly in his arms. Pushing his way through, he got to just outside the door before stopping dead in his tracks. Everyone around the two of you gasped as they saw the dagger sticking out of his back.

Your father looked down at you and smiled weakly before dropping to his knees and before he could fall forward onto you, a family friend hoisted you onto her hip. She ran with you as you looked back to your now-dead father lying on the floor.

The clown that had thrown the knife had made his way to your dad’s body and locked gazes with you. His smile was gone and he was no longer slashing townspeople one by one. He seemed as if he was worried about something.

The clown that had claimed to be the host grabbed Stabby by the neck and threw him back into the auditorium before disappearing behind the doors himself.

“It’s going to be okay sweetie. They can’t hurt you. There’s nothing you have to worry about,” the woman carrying you said softly as you began to cry. Your father was the only one that cared about you. And you were old enough to know that.

It’s been around a decade since then. You moved out of your mother’s house into your own. You finally had your own space. Your mother didn’t talk to you much after what happened. Only a few words every couple of weeks.

As you grew older, nobody realized your dad was one of the victims. Which led you to make friends. Your best friends were Jennie and Mark, they even wanted to be your roommates. You may not live alone but you still consider this your own space, compared to your mom’s house.

You laid in your bed as you played on your phone. It was already four in the morning, but you couldn’t sleep. Nothing worked. Listening to classical music, drinking some of Jennie’s chamomile tea, tossing and turning. Now you stared at your white ceiling thinking of other ways to fall asleep.

Halloween is coming up and you had to think of ways to decorate the house. No wonder why you can’t sleep, your mind always wanders off. Still, you think about all the decorations you have in storage in the attic and think of new ones you could buy.

As you zone out you see something in the corner of your eye. Quickly looking to the side, you see nothing but your closed closet door and look back up at the ceiling to see swirling patterns begin to slither across. They were navy blue mixed with graphite grey. They were like vines twisting and curling around each other. Your eyebrows furrowed as the vine-like tendrils became bigger like they were getting closer. You feel the smooth tip of the reaching blue vine graze your nose. You attempt to sink further into the bed but as you run out of space the tendril still follows and moves to the side to comfortingly caress the side of your face. It was gentle and you could feel your eyelids becoming heavier.

Trying to fight it, you struggle to keep your eyes open. Even attempting to hit it away with your hand but another tendril grabbed your wrist, with the utmost care. It laid your hand back down softly as if it didn’t want to cause you any pain, even a little.

Your eyes were closed by the time the most soothing voice you’ve ever heard say, “You have all the power over me.”

Mark jumping onto your bed while Jennie made an alarm go off on her phone was what woke you up. Mark began to shake you violently as he laughed, “It’s one in the afternoon, lazy ass. Get up.”

You weren’t able to say anything until he finished shaking you. Even then you didn’t say anything and just groaned. Mark and Jennie both started to jump on the bed and stopped abruptly to hear what you had to say.

“Fuck you,” you swiped your leg into theirs to make them fall. Jennie landed on her back on the bed and Mark landed on the floor.

“So mean,” Mark grumbled from the floor. You sat up and leaned on your elbow to give him a blank look when he popped his head up.

“So annoying.”

Mark laid back down on the floor to sulk while Jennie turned to you, “Wanna go to the Halloween Fest with us? I know you never go but it’ll be fun.”

You got up and walked to your bathroom connected to your room, closing the door behind you. You never told them about your father being one of the victims during what they called, Hallow’s Eve Massacre. You had always thought it was a dull name. Created by none other than the group of moms that have nothing better to do than to drink overcomplicated coffee that was too expensive for their small sizes and get into other people’s business like it’s their own.

Standing at the sink you thought about the pros and cons of going. Pros. Delicious seasonal foods, haunted houses, everything scary you love, and getting out of the house with your two best friends.

Cons. Paranoia, especially of clowns and stages, people you don’t like to even be within a ten-mile radius, and going outside.

You supposed the pros outweigh the cons. Who knows, it could be fun.

You regret your decision the moment you walked through the admission stands. Looking around you saw many clowns. Or were they your former classmates? It was hard to tell. None of these-

“Ow!” Landing on your ass you ended up dropping your coffee.

“I’m so sorry! Are you alright?” The man who bumped into you kneeled down to make sure you were okay. You felt like you've seen his face before but couldn't really pinpoint where you've seen him.

"Yeah-yeah. I'm fine," you felt him begin to pull you up by your arms to stand up directly in front of him. “Are you okay? I mean I ran into you-”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Good,” you stood there awkwardly and watched as his hand soothingly rubbed your forearms. It felt comforting. His hands were warm and it seeped through your jacket and into your skin.

“Jennie, I think we’re interrupting something,” Mark joked as he leaned into Jennie’s side like he was whispering to her but spoke in a normal, almost loud voice.

Your face gained a red hue as you stepped away from the man who tried to look into your very soul, “Sorry again. I’ll try to pay more attention.” You stared at the ground and began to quickly walk away from the man.

“Please don’t. I’d love to run into you again sometime,” he called out before turning the other way and continued his path to wherever he was going. You kept walking with Jennie and Mark until you arrived at the part of the fairgrounds where they had all the rides.

First, you rode the Twirling Tangerines, inside the large oranges there was a wheel you could all turn. Then, you rode the Spider, where you sat in a cart-like box that spun as the arms lifted you up and down.

You were on your way to the haunted house when you turned to Mark, “I think I just saw-” Noticing he’s not with you, you look around the crowd to try and spot him. “Jennie, where’d Mark go?”

She turned to you and looked around as well, “How the hell could we lose him?” She took out her phone from her pocket and clicked on his contact to call him. He didn’t answer.

“We’ll have to split up and look for him,” you shrugged as you headed toward back the way you came and Jennie veering left from the way you were going.

It took almost half an hour before you get a call from Jennie, telling you she found him. She failed to mention the man that Mark had crossed paths with on his adventure.

You met them at one of the tents where they had a rigged game for people to play as stuffed animals hung from the top. You may or may not have stopped at the apple cider stand on your way to the game tent.

“Woooooow. You didn’t get us any?” Mark was obviously hurt but you didn’t really care. “You shouldn’t have wandered off like you did cause then we’d both have apple cider right now,” you took a sip of your hot drink while looking at him.

Your eyes shift to the man who you had bumped into earlier. You began to cough up the warm beverage that was trying to intrude into your lungs from your sharp intake of breath. Coughing into your sleeve, you tried to breathe again before asking, “What are you doing here?”

“Mark ran into me while I was heading toward the Baker’s Street and he was looking somewhere else,” his smile was so big it made his eyes turned into crescent moons. It almost made you want to smile. He walked closer to you before reaching out his hand to you, “My name’s Jimin. What’s yours?”

You stood there wide-eyed and shocked before snapping out of it and taking his hand. Maybe a bit too eagerly, “Y/n.” You took your hand back and turned to Mark and Jennie, “Ready for the haunted house?”

Mark groaned and Jennie gave an unconvincing “yeah” as she kind of curled into herself. You lead the way and never turned to look if Jimin had ended up following you or went ventured off somewhere else.

You didn’t really know what to do with guys. Keeping to yourself you never really talked to people. Especially guys so it was kind of new and weird for you to speak with such an attractive guy that wasn’t a close friend like Mark.

Walking up to the house you showed the wristband you got at the admissions booth to allow you to go in.

"I'm sorry sir. If you don't have a wristband then I can't let you in," the woman at the entrance practically spat the person she was talking to.

You turned around to see her speaking to Jimin and felt kind of annoyed by how she spoke to him. She didn’t really have any reason to be so rude, that you knew of. “He did have one, I saw it on his wrist a few minutes ago,” you don't know why you were vouching for this guy. You just felt like it, you guessed.

The lady reluctantly nodded him through with a sneer. He smiled politely towards her before joining your group into the dark foyer.

As a dressed up ghoul jumped out in front of you and Jimin, you did nothing but stare blankly at the man while Mark yelped and Jennie gasped. How Jimin ended up next to you, you didn't know.

Jimin noticed how the jump scare didn't frighten you. He found it intriguing, in fact. You didn’t even bat an eyelid.

“Where’s Mark?” Jimin’s head snapped to you as you looked around for your not-so-bright friend once again. Jimin began to look around with you.

“You must be fucking kidding me,” Jennie sighed before saying, “I’ll go look for him so he doesn’t make any weird friends in here.”

Leaving you and Jimin alone, you kept walking through the hallways and up the staircase. Many people attempted to scare you but none of them succeeded. And Jimin tried not to laugh at your reaction to their attempts. It’s not that he was making fun of you. He was just amused how much effort the actors put into being frightening and all they get is your eyebrow raised at most.

You felt Jimin take your hand gently and slowly tighten his grip into a comfortable hold, “I’m scared.”

Immediately, you could tell he wasn’t scared at all. He just wanted a reason to hold your hand like he was smooth. But you didn’t really have the heart to take your hand away. And you didn’t really want to. You felt him come closer to you bit by bit until your shoulders were rubbing against each other.

“You wouldn’t mind if I held you would you?” Jimin broke the eerie silence that sat between you two.

“Why do you want to?” you found the question odd but weren’t completely opposed to it. You weren’t a hoe but he just made you feel comfortable.

“Cause I want to get closer to you.”

“But you’re already close to me,” you smiled. “I suppose.”

He reciprocated your smile and let go of your hand to wrap around your shoulders. He tugged you closer so you were tucked into his side. The warmth from his body kept you from shivering because of the freezing temperatures inside the building.

Seeing a door crack open not far down the hallway, you expected someone to jump out of the room. Getting close enough to look into the bedroom, no one jumped out. Jimin noticed your interest in the room and peeked inside with you. The only thing in the room was a wardrobe, a desk, a king-sized bed, and a mirror hanging in front of the desk. All were caked with dust.

“Must be an extra room they decided not to use,” you concluded before you took a glance at Jimin, only to meet his eyes. You quickly looked away and awkwardly scanned the room.

All you heard were his footsteps before feeling his grip your arm to turn you towards him, “Keep your eyes on me.”

Your cheeks felt like the sun had been shining on them for hours. And as he demanded, you kept your eyes on him. The thumb on the hand that rested on the side of your face came up to slightly pull down your bottom lip.

“You wouldn’t mind, right?” he said quietly then bit his lip while looking at yours.

Shaking your head gently, Jimin kissed you without a second thought. It was rough and hungry. He didn’t hold back for a second. Licking your lips, practically begging for access. You parted your lips slightly and that’s all he needed to slip his tongue into your mouth. No inch was left untouched. He started to walk forward making you walk back until the back of your knees hit the bed.

After falling back on the bed, Jimin practically ripped off his thick black hoodie, showing the loose white shirt beneath. It was thin and the neckline hung well below his collarbones. The hoodie landed somewhere by the door as he got down on the floor on his knees. He gently took hold of the waistband on your pants before pulling them down slowly. As they pooled around your ankles, he came back up to start peppering kisses along your inner thighs.

“I’m sorry baby girl, I would take my time with you but I can’t wait anymore,” his voice was thick with arousal as he tore off your shoes, socks, and pants. “I need to have you.”

Jimin ripped your panties from your waist and fell to the floor in shreds, “I’ll get you new ones.”

Trailing more kisses down your thighs he got closer and closer to your core. His fingers began to skim over your folds and dip between them to land right on your clit. Rubbing small circles around it, his soft lips were at the apex of your thigh.

He was so gentle with you, you weren’t sure how to feel. Adored, impatient, excited. Personally, you were never the vanilla type.

Jimin was so close to your core, so close. But he pulled away at the last second. You whined, at which Jimin laughed at, as he pulled his shirt off from over his head. Tossing his shirt away he climbed back up your body.

“There’s something I need to show you,” Jimin’s eyes were dark with excitement as he hovered over you.

Your puzzled look was all he needed to continue to show what he meant. He was groaning as his head hung and his expression made it seem like he was in pain. You didn’t understand what was happening until you saw the tendrils coming out from his back. They were cobalt blue. Two were thinner than the other two. They grew and grew towards the ceiling but stopped just short of it. Once they were straight, as if they were stretching, they curled back down towards you and Jimin. They floated in the air and you stared at them. You weren’t appalled. No, you were...curious. You would’ve never thought he was anything other than human.

It’s not like you believed in aliens and werewolves it’s just you the type of person that thought, maybe they do exist, maybe they don’t. It looks like they do.

“Are you gonna fuck me with those or not?” you said half-joking.

“You’re not disgusted? Horrified?” Jimin could not believe what he was hearing. You wanted him to fuck you with his tentacles. You wanted him.

“No, why would I be? I’m surprised and I have some questions but those can wait till later. Don’t you think?” you answered honestly and looked Jimin in the eyes while you said it. And after you said it, the tendrils behind Jimin visibly relaxed.

Jimin’s eyes lit up for only a second before he attacks your neck with his pillowy lips. One of the smaller tentacles reaches down between your legs causing you to get surprised and you try to close them. Jimin sucks on your neck harder as he held your legs open with his right hand, “It’s okay, jagi. I’ll make you feel good.”

As Jimin nibbles on a particularly sensitive spot, you moaned. He almost came right then and there. Your voice was already music to his ears. But your moans? Absolutely heavenly. He tried his best to keep his body from shaking from the numerous shivers. Part of him couldn’t even believe that this was happening. He was touching you, breathing in your scent, pleasuring you. It was his dreams coming true and he was intoxicated with everything you.

The tentacle between your legs began to rub your clit faster than what Jimin did. More moans started to escape you and your head tilted back into the pillows. Jimin was still making his way all-around your neck, making sure he was marking your neck thoroughly.

You felt the other small tendril circling your entrance. Becoming coated with your arousal. It slowly began to enter, inch by inch. It was about the same thickness as your trusty vibrator at home so you stretched to its girth with ease. Its smooth texture slipped past your walls effortlessly.

Jimin was starting to groan the deeper the tendril went. His breath became heavy as he nuzzled his face into your neck, “Jagi~ you’re so tight around him. I can’t wait until my cock is inside your hot cunt. Can I, jagiya?”

“Yes, please. I want you to fuck me,” you said brokenly in between moans.

Jimin sat up and quickly unbuttoned his pants and took them off swiftly. The two larger tentacles reached down to you and took off your coat and shirt. You arched from the building pressure in your abdomen just in time for them to take your bra off.

The tentacle fucking you took up a hastened pace. It was starting to go deeper and deeper with every thrust. The knot in your lower stomach grew tauter. Jimin kissed you feverishly and swallowed your moans as you got closer to the peak. The very last thrust of the tendril made you come the hardest you’ve ever came before. You felt the tendril in your stomach as it spurted. As did every other tentacle and even Jimin’s cock was spewing out cum.

Jimin’s moan was getting you excited again. It was deep and guttural. You were panting as you felt full of his cum and felt more cum on your chest and stomach.

“I didn’t know all of them had cum,” you chuckled as you regained your breath.

Jimin laughs with you, “Now you know how I felt the first time I jerked off.”

His statement made you laugh harder as both of you came down from your highs. The appendage slowly began to pull out of your cum-filled cunt. You whimpered from the sensitivity. Jimin’s cum flowed out of your entrance before Jimin plugged you up with the tip of his cock.

Feeling the head, you realized just how big Jimin was. Being too distracted to notice earlier. Jimin could tell your realization by your expression.

“What’s the matter, jagi? Never had anyone this big before?” Jimin knows he was being a tease. Even though he doesn’t want to even think about the others who’ve touched you. Only he can touch you like this. He’s the only one who can pleasure you.

You knew what he was doing. He was getting smug. But you didn’t really have the patience to play games with him.

“Who knows.”

Jimin’s smirk fell as yours grew. Jimin stared into your eyes as he slammed his entire length into you in one thrust.

“You know I’ve stuffed you full. I don’t think there’s even any room for one of my tentacles. I can feel how I’m stretching you,” Jimin wasn’t going to let you win this one.

He wrapped his arms around your waist to bring you with him as he sat back on his heels. Your chest heaved from his massive girth inside you. One small tendril wrapped around your wrists and held them above your head, the other small one began to circle at your puckered hole while a larger one spread your right cheek to give it room. And lastly, the last, larger tentacle curled around one of your breasts.

Jimin slowly pulled out his thick cock before slamming back into your hot cunt. His moans mixed with yours as his pace became faster. Soon he was slamming in and out of you at a bruising pace. The appendage at your tight hole caught some of yours and Jimin’s combined cum and lubed you up.

At first, it only dipped in its tip. After a few thrusts, it started to go further. Still taking on a slow pace, it steadily enlarged your hole.

Jimin’s right arm let go of your waist to support himself above you as he leaned forward. He was still pistoning in and out of you with no intention of slowing down. Hair stuck to his forehead as did yours. Moans left you uncontrollably as both of your holes were being fucked and your tit was being gripped.

You felt the pressure on your breast vanish before feeling the said tendril slither up your neck. You hear Jimin breathe out a laugh as he saw his appendage shyly touch you.

“I think he wants to know if you could suck him,” Jimin smirked, knowing that’s exactly what it wanted.

Opening your mouth, the tendril appeared to become a light blue as it took the invitation. You felt the tentacle practically purr from the wetness and warmth from your mouth. It thrusted into you languidly. Not going very deep so it wouldn’t hurt you.

“Look at you. Being a slut for me. All your holes are filled with parts of me.”

His thrusts were becoming sloppy. And the tendril in your mouth was going down into your throat until you were gagging with every plunge. Your ass was so stretched out you knew that there was going to be a gap now. Maybe not a large one but there will be one. And Jimin was still pounding your swollen cunt with his massive girth.

The tendril around your wrists let go to reach down to rub your clit in quick, small circles. You’re loud, almost screaming moans were muffled by the deep throating appendage.

You could feel you were getting so close to your release. You felt the familiar knot in your stomach building. By Jimin’s groans growing louder and his sloppy pace, you tell he was close too.

He opened his eyes to see your body being completely surrounded by him. He let his arm fall around your waist again but he laid his head between your tits and put the rest of his energy into the last few hard pumps and stilled as he felt your walls flutter around him.

Your eyes rolled into your skull and Jimin squeezed his eyes closed tightly. Your walls milked Jimin’s cock as it pulsed and shot cum inside you. You felt all the tentacles pulse out cum into your throat, ass, and onto your clit and mound.

Reaching up to Jimin’s hair, you carded your fingers through the strands. Both of you were trying to calm your breathing down. Jimin was still coming but the tendril down your throat pulled out so you could breathe more easily.

Jimin began to kiss your sternum after he came down from his high. You glanced down and back up, only to glance down again to notice a visible bulge in your stomach, that's still growing.

"How much cum do you have?!" you exclaimed as you watched it grow bit by bit.

"Don't pretend you don't like it," Jimin's smug attitude was still there as he knew he was right by your silence.

Jimin reluctantly pulled out of you and he didn’t mind how much cum was pouring out of your cunt. He knew there were going to be many more times like this. And that’s when he’ll worry about keeping you plugged up but for now, he just wanted to fall asleep next to you.

He pulled your exhausted body back up to the pillows with using the help from his now sky blue tentacles before they slowly retracted back into the slits in his back.

“We should probably go, Mark and Jennie might be worried about us,” trying to sit up Jimin pulled you back down.

“No need to be in a hurry, jagi. You’re too exhausted to go out looking for him-them right?” Jimin brushed the hair from your forehead so he could see your eyes more clearly.

“Yeah, you’re right. Let’s just hope none of the employees find us,” you huffed out a laugh as you snuggled further into the covers.

Jimin wrapped his arms around you and entangled his legs with yours. He wasn’t able to even doze off until you were sound asleep. He tried not to think about what just happened so he wouldn’t become hard and wake you up. He needed the whole night to transform this place back to the original with how worn out he is.

“Goodnight jagi. Tomorrow you’ll start your new life here with me. In our own haunted house.”

You woke up to Jimin hugging you tightly beneath the warm blanket that you had dirtied just a few hours ago. Your muscles didn’t want to make any effort to move so you had to lay there until you had the energy to get up and get dressed. Stretching out your legs a bit you felt a crack somewhere in your spine. You’re puzzled about how that would affect your back but you don’t worry about it. Nuzzling back into Jimin’s neck, you finally remembered Jennie and Mark being in the house with you. They must have gone home without you given how long it’s been.

They were adults, no reason to really worry about them. You tucked the blanket over your shoulder to hide from the cold draft. Jimin felt you moving around so he got impossibly closer to you and pulled the blanket up to his neck so it covered most of your head.

You groaned and tilted your head up causing your chin to rest on his chest making your lips pout. He cracked an eye open to see what you were doing. Seeing your sleepy, pouty face made him let out a breathy chuckle.

Jimin leaned down to kiss your forehead, “Did you sleep well?” He continued his kisses all over your face, moving down to reach your nose.

“Mm-hm,” your eyes were still closed when you thought about what it was. “Do you know what time it is?”

“No,” he kept smothering your face in kisses.

“I have to go home soon.”

“No.”

“No? I kinda do. I need clean clothes, I need a shower, and I need to check up on Jennie and Mark,” you began to untangle yourself from Jimin’s arms and legs only to have him roll you over to lay on you. “Jimin~ I have to get up,” laughing you tried to roll back over Jimin had you completely pinned.

“You’re not going anywhere,” he said quietly into your ear before he kissed right below your lobe. “My marks are fading already, stay still.”

You huffed as he darkened the already almost purple hickeys on your neck, “After this, you have to get off me so I can go home.”

“But you can’t go home. You live here now, with me,” he pushed himself up with his forearms on the mattress. His eyes were stone. But they were warm as they bore into yours. “You’re not leaving me.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” you whispered as you maintained eye contact. “How can either of us live here when it’s just a stage for townspeople to dress up and scare people?”

“It seems, you haven’t noticed the change in the room,” Jimin smirked as his eyes left yours to scan the room, causing you to follow his actions.

The room was no longer a dirty beige with dust-covered furniture. It’s the same exact room except, it was gray. Everything in the room was gray beside you two. The window that had light from the fair shining through was completely blacked out. And the mirror above the desk was completely shattered. Little to no pieces remained in the frame.

“Besides, your friends tried to find us but they kind of got trapped,” He laid back down next to you and rested his head on his hand. “So there’s no need to worry about them, sweetheart.”

You pushed his arm off and swung your legs onto the floor but you felt the familiar wetness from one of Jimin’s tentacles wrap around your abdomen. It made you sit back down and pulled you back to Jimin.

“It’s true that you have all the power over me. However, that doesn’t mean I’ll let you go.”

Your heart undoubtedly fluttered.

#park jimin #bts jimin #yandere!bts #yandere bts x reader #yandere jimin #yandere jimin x reader #jimin smut #possessive jimin #possessive bts #bts smut #tentacle smut #tentacles #halloween #monster mash

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mccnyoongi · 5 years

Text

buttercup ⇢ pt one

⇢ pairing: yoongi x fem!reader

⇢ genre: smut + slight angst

⇢ au: college!au, fwb!au, stoner!yoongi, assholeish!yoongi, fuckboyish!yoongi fwb to lovers trope

⇢ word count: 6k+

⇢ warnings: smut, honestly mostly porn, unprotected sex, recreational use of drugs & alcohol, dirty talk, praise, degradation, ridiculously excessive use of pet names, fingering, dom!Yoongi, unprotected sex, slight dumbification (whoops), hair pulling, creampie??, oral (f receiving), pussy slaping, reader has a thing for Yoongi’s hands because who doesn’t, reader and yoongi are both sarcastic and oblivious, this part is basically pwp.

⇢ synopsis: Min Yoongi wears leather jackets, fucks you like he hates you, spends most of his days on the wrong side of a blunt, and calls you the sweetest names when no one else is around. And you definitely aren’t falling in love with him.

⇢ author’s note: so yes, buttercup is being cut up into two parts thanks to a lot of my life getting uprooted this week!!! ill spare you the details but everything is really chaotic rn so im sorry this isnt exactly what i promised :( thank u for all the insane amont of love ive gotten so far. this is a pretty um... filthy piece of writing skfjsd and it’s definitely not perfect and id love to get better with everything i put out on here but i hope u guys enoy ily xx

If there was a magic lantern hidden somewhere on the campus of this university, you’d find it and your first wish would be to make it so that no one found out about this whole illicit affair you’ve been having with Min Yoongi. The secrecy was fun, sexy like you guys had a whole Mr. and Mrs. Smith thing going on. Or something. Your second wish would be to make his dick vibrate.

But then he just had to go and go down on you in a bathroom during a party at the Beta Tau Rho house, not even a month into the fall semester, knowing you wouldn’t be able to be quiet or subtle at all. And he was so smug about it too, the fucker.

You can still feel the embarrassment buzzing under the surface of your cheeks from when you walked out that bathroom door and a dozen frat boys and mutual friends of yours and Yoongi’s were out there, waiting for the two of you to emerge and giving you a round of applause when you did. Yoongi had just laughed and rolled his eyes before leading you to the kitchen to get the pair of you some drinks. He’s always been particularly good at brushing that shit off of his shoulder. You aren’t, but you’re pretty good at pretending.

Maybe you should have ended it all that night. Of course, you didn’t. You figured, hey, you’re young and in school so fuck making good decisions. Of course, the fact that no other guy has ever been able to dick you down nearly as well as Min Yoongi can is probably a huge contributing factor.

Sure he might be grumpy, and sarcastic, and he tries way too hard to look cool and nonchalant, but he’s also the first guy to ever make you squirt. And you’re pretty sure that the way he waxes poetic about your pussy would make even Shakespeare swoon. So maybe the pros outweigh the cons, but only just.

“I can’t believe you’ve been getting Yoongi dick for almost three full months and haven’t divulged every single detail and vein to me, you cold, uncaring bitch-” Jimin’s voice is far too loud for the student-run coffee shop the two of you regulared every Sunday; a tradition that Jimin always insisted upon. He loves his traditions almost as much as he loves destroying any personal boundaries between the two of you.

“Keep going Park, see if I ever buy your coffee again.”

“Don’t change the subject,” You can’t say you’re surprised that Jimin is reacting like this. Self-proclaimed ‘disaster bisexual,’ Jimin was one of the very first friends you made back when you were a shy, barely functioning freshman.

He actually introduced you to all his frat brothers, and a large number of the people you now call your friends. Including Yoongi, whose dick seems to be a reoccurring topic between you and… most people you know. Even if they weren’t at that dumb party, Jungkook made sure that every living being that stepped onto campus was aware of the newly found out fuckbuddies.

“We don’t keep anything from each other, Y/N,” He’s whining over his coffee now, full lips perched in that pretty pout that he regularly uses to his advantage. “I even told you about that time I puked on Namjoon’s dick in our second year!”

“Mmm, and I wish you hadn’t told me, Minnie-” The visual still haunts you, but Jimin has never had any predilections when it came to oversharing, especially not with people who have the misfortune of being his best friends. “‘Sides, I didn’t figure it was important, the whole Yoongi thing-”

“His dick, you mean.”

“Because it’s not like we’re getting married,” You carefully ignore him, a useful habit you’ve picked up three years into being his friend. “Just sex, remember?”

“So fucking what? You told me how you sucked Jeon’s cock in a movie theatre less than twelve hours after it happened-” You take a large gulp of your own iced coffee to busy yourself when the shameful memory is brought up. Not shameful because of the promiscuity of the act, no you’re an adult, thank you very much, but rather because of the boy you performed them on. Jeon Jungkook is now more of an annoying younger brother to you than anything. Not to mention he’s got a giant mouth that couldn’t keep a secret even if it killed him.

“Jesus you could’ve picked any other example-” You groan out as Jimin smirked, receiving the exact reaction from you he wanted. You think you’d have learned by now. “I’m sorry, okay? You big baby.”

“Hey, you’re on thin ice,” He points an accusatory finger at you and you have to fight the urge to smack it out of your face. “Now you have to make it up to me.”

You sigh- Jimin can really be exhausting when you’re only half a medium coffee in. “And how do you expect me to do that, Park.”

“Dick details, fucking obviously,” He says it like you’re a moron for even asking. And maybe you are. “Well details in general, I guess. You know, the basics; length, girth, does he make you call him daddy, is he good- I mean he must be un-fucking-real if you’ve been bouncing on it for three goddamn months, you whore.”

“I’m not giving you measurements, Jimin, I’ve yet to take a tape measure to it- and stop assuming everyone has a daddy kink just ‘cause you do.”

“Okay, vanilla bitch. You’re lucky I already know he’s got a monster cock from that time he streaked at that post-mid-term party next year.”

“Then why’d you even ask?”

“To see if you’d tell me the truth. It was a test and you failed.”

“I may be a college student but you’re gonna have to threaten me with a little more than a failing grade to spook me,” You roll your eyes playfully- there’s no real threat in his words, there never is.

“You’re right, I’m sure you’d much rather be punished by Yoongi, huh?”

..............................................................................

Watching Yoongi roll a joint, his long, slender and experienced fingers moving quickly and deftly, has always had this near hypnotizing-like effect on you. His apartment smells like weed, the scent never surprising and would almost be overwhelming if you weren’t so used to it by now. The sight alone is almost enough to make you wet. But you’re stronger than that- except for when you’re not.

Sexy hands aside, but unfortunately not on you, you’re thankful for his cannabis-related expertise because a) you can’t roll one yourself to save your life and b) despite normally reserving your consumption habits for parties, you feel like you deserve a fat one after the week you’ve had. What with, you know, the stress of having every student on campus knowing about yours and Yoongi’s torrid affair, thanks to fucking Jeon Jungkook. Brat. Plus incessant goading from both Jimin and your roommate, Irene- equally angry as Jimin about your worst kept secret- has only made you sink further into your insecure and paranoid thoughts.

The weed would help, you’d told yourself when your phone pinged with that much anticipated what’re u up 2? late night text from the raven-haired devil himself. Yep, it was the weed, the comforting blanket of getting high. And had nothing to do with the boy that was offering them. Not even his fat cock or magnetic pull he seemed to have on you.

“Alright, dove,” He says from his spot on his worn-out single-dorm couch- the names don’t tend to surprise you the way they used to. You kinda figured that the affection-starved Yoongi had just you know… gotten comfortable with the girl he had been fucking for the last couple of months. No big deal. Sure they made your heart swell and your panties dampen, but then it could be looked at as a positive.

He looks up at you from his spot on the couch, where he’s uncomfortably hunched over the table as he works and notices how you’re looking rather spaced out- not entirely rare for you. He’s used to the hundred-mile stare you tend to adopt when deep in thought, though it’s considerably less common for a sober you.

“Dove?” Nothing. “Y/N?” It’s the use of your actual name from his lips that finally grabs your attention. You finally turn your head to look at him, the glaze of deep thought finally leaving your eyes. An eyebrow quirks to let him know you’ve heard him, but his gaze remains piercing and unwavering on yours. “You need to stop worrying so much, dove.”

“That’s what the weed is for, Yoongs.”

“The weed? You’re just here so I can smoke you out then, huh? No ulterior motives, hm?” His tone is as dry and sarcastic as ever, qualities he had quickly become known for around campus. He shurgs “Fine. Just here to sesh. C’mere then.”

You scoot closer to his side of the couch, not even thinking twice before listening to him. His tongue is tantalizing as he licks the rolling paper, even if he doesn’t mean it to be. He’s almost always tantalizing to you.

“Don’t be grumpy. You invited me over,” Your words are softer than you meant, but your proximity to him makes you feel stilted. He was right, you really needed a smoke, more on edge than ever.

“Well, technically,” He starts, unlit, perfectly rolled joint now perched between his lips. He grabs at your legs before continued so that you were resting sideways on the black couch, legs strewn over legs, thighs touching thighs. “I invited the best pussy on campus over.” You crinkle your nose at his bluntness.

“Yoongi-” You scold indignantly and pinch at a well-toned bicep. “Don’t be an asshole, you asshole.” He grins despite the insult like he’d expected it. Or he’s revelling in it.

“You know I’m just fucking around, angel,” His arm tucks around your waist comfortably, pulling you even closer. “Tryna chill you out. I can tell when you’re all strung out. I know how you,” He pokes you in the middle of the forehead, still grinning, as you pout from being called strung out. “Tick.”

He really does, doesn't he? The thought is mildly terrifying, and you think that Yoongi might be too smart or his own good sometimes. When he’s not smoking himself into another dimension, that is.

He leans back into his seat, uncurling from around you to finally light up. A few sparks later and the room is fogging up with overly pungent smoke- the cheap smell makes you think that he probably bought it off of Hobi, too lazy to go any further off-campus than his own block of apartments to one of the nice but relatively affordable dispensaries. You crinkle your nose at the scent, grateful he’s too distracted to notice since he’d probably just tease you for liking the fancy shit more. At least you trust Hobi, and he lives only two buildings down from Yoongi. Truly an age of convenience.

A few passes, tokes, whatevers later, and you’re feeling substantially... floaty. You’ve completely relaxed, choosing to lie down rather than put the effort into sitting up, though your legs are still thrown across your equally high counterpart’s. What’s left of the roach is left to burn in one of many strategically placed ashtrays around the apartment, this one being on the living room table.

Yoongi has barely moved in the past while, head resting lazily on the back of the couch, black hair messy and his neck- which is somehow handsome to you- stretched out, and hands resting against your bare knees. You’ve barely paid him any mind, the silence nothing but comforting and easy.

Which is why you can’t help but jolt just a little in surprise when those hands, the hypnotizing ones you’re so obsessed with suddenly start creeping up your legs, halfway up your thighs, carefully kneading the supple flesh he finds there. He chuckles at your reaction, finally picking his up his head to watch you through heavy-lidded eyes. “Bet you’re extra sensitive right now, huh petal?” He doesn’t have to bet because he knows it’s true, knows how needy you get when you’ve smoked. And he loves it- it’s why he never makes you pay for any of the times he smokes you out.

“Fuck off,” You whine at his light-hearted teasing, but Yoongi just giggles- he fucking giggles- in response, hands still travelling the expanse of your thighs.

“Be nice,” His words are still jovial, but there’s a gruffness behind them that sends a shiver down your spine, despite the relative stuffiness of his living room.

“I am nice, you’re just a dick,” You pout- childish, but you can’t quite come up with anything more clever at the moment. The jab may be weaker than your usual quips, but Yoongi seems to have decided it’s enough to warrant a punishment of sorts, as he sends a quick slap onto your thigh. It’s certainly not the harshest hit you’ve received from him, it’s more playful than anything, but it’s enough to make you whine, not even noticing when your own hands jump down to grab at him and your now sore flesh.

His eyes take on a new sort of darkness, beyond the dilated pupils from the high he’s in the middle of as he grabs at your wrists, any assault you had planned halting in its tracks. His large hands that you’ve drooled over- figuratively and literally- many a time are big enough that he only needs one of them to hold both of yours steady. He uses his grip on you to yank you back up to a sitting position, where your noses almost touch and you can feel his breath fan across your lips.

“I told you, I know how you tick,” He lets his tongue swipe out to wet his lips, the act distracts you and makes you mimic it with your own tongue and lips. The smirk he gives you is all at once wicked and panty dampening. “Which means I know you like it when I’m mean. I know you like when I treat you like this, like my little slut,” The word makes you draw in a breath as your face reddens in humiliation and tension. “And- and I know you’re probably soaking through your panties right now, all over my couch. Making a fucking mess.”

It infuriates you to no end how right he is as your breaths come out shaky and uneven as you feel your pussy flutter around nothing beneath your shorts and panties.

“Aren’t you?” His tone doesn’t leave room for playfulness anymore, and you’re nodding dumbly before you can give it a second thought. “Good girl.”

He doesn’t give you any time to bask in the praise before he’s leaning in to capture your lips in a searing and sloppy kiss. He’s domineering even in the way he kisses you, teeth biting and tongue sweeping into your own mouth as he revels in the small sounds that escape you. His hands leave your wrists, freeing them so you can grip onto raven locks with a newly freed hand as his own wrap around your waist.

Every sense is filled with him, and it is all at once comforting and exhilarating.

He tugs and roughly manhandles you so that you’re properly astride his denim-covered thighs, your lips never untangling in the process. When your lips finally do come apart, it’s with a lewd sound and a gasp from your mouth. He’s still smirking.

“Gonna fuck you so good petal,” Yoongi has always been so blunt and unforgiving, whether in bed or out and it had been one of the things that first attracted you to him, besides his obvious good looks.

Before the two of you had even gotten together, when you were friends who didn’t fuck on the regular, you had even mustered up the courage to touch yourself to the thought of him speaking to you like this- your own fingers circling your clit and delving into yourself without abandon. You had only been able to imagine up a fraction of his sexual prowess.

Like the time only a few weeks ago you admitted to him in a foggy haze, high than you think you’d ever been. how you’d brought yourself to climax with images and soundbites of him flitting through your head. He’d immediately made you put on a show for him- recreating those nights, but this time with him sitting feet away from you and ignoring your pleas for him to touch you.

Right now, however, the only things keeping you grounded in reality is the feeling of the muscles in his thighs flexing beneath you, though nowhere near where you truly ache to be touched, and one of his hands brutishly tangled in your hair, pulling harshly so he can have easy access to your neck. Plush lips start soft, kissing and licking at the skin there, before his teeth join in, biting and sucking like he loves the taste of you (because he does).

“Y-yoongi-” You’re trying to keep the whimpers at bay, like maybe if you stop yourself from seeming so turned on so fast it’ll get him to fuck you faster. “C’mon, just fuck me already.”

“So demanding for such a needy bitch,” He has you squirming on his lap and you don’t know why you thought you had any power over him left. “Have you forgotten your place? Can’t think of anything else but getting fucked, huh?”

You nod in agreement, but find out he must want a verbal response when you’re met with a sharp spank to your ass that has you squealing and bucking into his lap. “Yeah, yeah Yoongi ‘m sorry, just need it.”

“I know, baby, I know, you can’t even help it when you get all messy like this, I know,” You can’t decide whether his words are sweet or patronizing when he coos at you like that, but either way he’s got you another pair of panties.

“Need you to fix it, Yoongs,” All pride is out the window when he’s got you like this, and you love pleading with him to give you what you want almost as much as likes making you beg.

“I will,” He gives you one more harsh bite to the junction of your neck and your shoulder that you know will blossom into a bruise just in time for your 10 AM class tomorrow and you hiss at the mingling of pain and pleasure. “Now fucking get up,” He pats lightly at your thigh twice at the order.

You’re in no position to disobey, and you know from experience that not listening to him will end up with a sore ass and no release in sight. You stand up on shaky, doe-like legs and he grins at the sight of you. He stands up with you, his lean form and strong stance making him look taller than he really is. Then his long fingers are pulling at what little clothing you have, stripping you of both your tank top and your shorts and your bra isn’t far behind. Soon you’re clad only in your panties while he’s still fully clothed in black form-fitting jeans and a plain white t-shirt. Thankfully he leaves his cliche, but devastatingly sexy leather jacket at the door.

He doesn’t make any move to undress at all and you hope to god he will eventually- you love seeing his honey-coloured skin covered in a thin layer of sweat as he fucks you into oblivion. But for now, he stays fully clothed and he roughly pulls you by your upper arm until he can bend you over the arm of the couch, panty-covered ass high and perfectly on display for him.

“God, you’re fucking dripping,” He taunts, fingers running over your pussy through the thin cotton, making you whine into the rough cushion your face is resting on. “All this from almost nothing, huh? You’re such a fucking slut for me, shit.” He sounds genuinely amazed by you and when you uncomfortably crane your neck back to get a good look at him you let out a proper moan. He must have stripped his shirt off when you weren’t facing him, because his chest is bare for you to gaze at, or you would gaze at it if you weren’t distracted by the hand that isn’t on you, which is lazily working over his cock, rock hard and aching through his jeans.

He smirks when he notices what’s grabbed your attention, knowing you’re only moments away from quite literally drooling on his pillows. “Is this what you want? Hm?”

“Ye-yeah your cock, Yoongi, need your cock,” Your face burns red and blood burns hot as the crude words leave your mouth.

“And you’ll fucking get it, dove,” The cute name contrasts the second harsh spank he lands on your ass and you moan at the delicious sting.

You think that he must be about to tear your panties off and sink into you, but that would be too predictable and Yoongi loves to keep you on your toes. Instead, he disappears from your line of sight, a dull thump coming from the hardwood as he drops to his knees, feline gaze now level with your cunt.

“Yoongi-” You’re whining again, and you even have to hold yourself back from stomping your foot childishly because, god, you just need him to do something.

And then he finally does- he licks a thick stripe, right from your clit to your entrance, still over your panties, and you gasp in surprise. He does it again, twice, three, four times until your hips are bucking and you’re whining because you need more, you need him to actually touch you and not be a giant fucking tease for once in his life.

“Be fucking patient,” He hisses out, but at least he’s finally rolling your underwear down your legs to toss them somewhere across the room. “Or I swear to god, I’ll hold you down just like this so you can’t even squirm while I get myself off all over your messy cunt,” His hand is running up and down your bare pussy as he speaks, spreading the wetness around, to your clit and your thighs and your ass and then back again. “And then I’ll send you home without touching you or cleaning you up, so you’ll have to take the subway home covered in my come and fucking trembling. So be fucking good.” At the last word, he lands a mean slap against your gushing cunt and you let out an embarrassing squeak.

“Shit-fuck- Yoongi, please, just-” You stutter through your words, needing to get them out, though you don’t know why. “I’ll be good, okay? ‘M your good girl, I am, promise, I’ll be good.”

He doesn’t respond, at least not verbally. But you have to assume he’s happy with your desperate response when he finally delves into your pussy like a man starved, tongue licking into you, the muscle sending spasms up and down your legs. You have to muffle your moans by biting into a pillow, not needing another altercation with his neighbours, but you want nothing more than to yell his name as loud as you can until your voice goes hoarse when he shakes his head from side to side, tongue still buried inside of you and one of his hands now roughly circling your clit.

It’s too much, but it’s not nearly enough. It’s when he switches positions between his hand and mouth that you think you might explode; his mouth latches onto your clit, tongue circling and playing with it and two fingers fucking into you, preparing you for the impressive girth of his own cock.

Your teeth let go of the strong grip it has so you can warn him of your impending orgasm. “Yoongi- gonna come-” You manage to choke out between barely quieted moans.

You know that he wouldn’t be able to respond if he was still suckling on your clit, but you still whine and wiggle your hips as he pulls away, earning you yet another spank to your rear, where you can only assume a nice handprint is forming. “Yeah? Want you to come all over my face, like a good messy whore- gotta come for me before I can fuck you like you need.”

When his mouth finds your swollen clit again, you can’t help it as your orgasm barrels through you almost violently, every muscle tensing and fingers grasping at whatever they can find, neighbour’s delicate sensibilities forgotten as you moan out Yoongi’s name. He licks you through it, fingers no longer pistoning into you. When the last of the tremors have faded he finally pulls away, using his clean hand to wipe your mess off of his chin, though it hardly cleans him.

“Good fucking girl,” The roughness with which he was grinding his still covered bulge into your now sopping wet center would be impossible to ignore even if your head weren’t a million miles away. But for now, everything is Yoongi, every single scent is filled with him and you think that that might be making your head even fuzzier than the drugs coursing through your system, but you’re too far gone to be sure. Or to even care.

Because all you can think about is his mouth-watering hands kneading at the slightly pinkened skin of your ass, his mouth-watering cock rutting against you and his mouth-watering, well, mouth pressing wet kisses and occasional bites up and down your spine. “Yoongi,” You meant to speak with at least a little more conviction, but his name comes out as little more than a mumble.

“Hm,” He hums against your skin and even those slight vibrations reverberate straight to your heart, which starts beating faster at the thought of what’s to come. “What, is my babygirl still needy?”

The use of the word my in front of the affectionate name makes your heart jump, but you don’t even have time to scold yourself for thinking with your post-orgasmic pussy before he continues talking with that sinful mouth of him. “Such a greedy, desperate girl, won’t be happy ‘til you’re stuffed full of my fat cock,” His words have you whining and grinding back against him, where you don’t have to look to know you’re leaving a stain on his favourite jeans. If you’re unlucky- or lucky depending on your mood- he’ll make you clean it up with your tongue as further delicious torture.

But smoking makes Yoongi needy too, no matter how much he teases you for the effect it has on you, and he can’t wait much longer, not with his cock so hard he was a razor blades’ edge from losing his mind. He needs to be inside you as much as you need him.

Which is why you don’t doubt him for a second when he’s murmuring things about how he’s ‘gonna fuck you so good, gonna fuck you stupid,’ and you can only respond with even quieter whispers of ‘I knows’ and ‘pleases’ as he strips himself oh the rest of his clothes, hissing from oversensitivity as his cock makes contact with the air. It’s wonderfully overwhelming and he’s not even fucking you yet.

You can’t even explain how grateful you are when Yoongi turns you around because you love just seeing his cock. You’ve never been one to describe guys’ dicks as pretty before- except that TA you managed to fuck before Jimin sunk his claws into him, Kim Seokjin, because, well, you’re not blind. But Yoongi’s dick is gorgeous. It’s not the biggest thing you’ve ever seen, and it doesn’t have to be, not when it’s girthy enough to make you salivate with a curve that points to the heavens. Gorgeous.

He’s pulling you on top of him so he can sit back down and you’re back to straddling him, and you don’t complain because you know he’s tired both from the pot and crouching on his haunches for access to your center not two minutes ago. Plus he loves when you ride him, breasts bouncing in his face, wetness making a mess out of his lap and full access of your entire body for both his hands and lips.

“Need you to bounce on my fat cock before I fucking explode, baby,” And you’d have to be some sort of a madwoman to deny him.

“Need it too, Yoongs,” You don’t know why you feel the need to remind how desperate you are for him, surely he can feel it, your swollen pussy resting only centimetres above his throbbing length. “Can’t think of anything else.”

“I know,” He’s rubbing the angry red tip against your sopping folds, tinges of overstimulation making you jolt. Or you would jolt if his hands weren’t heavy on your waist, keeping you steady so you couldn’t a) get away from his cock or b) properly sink down onto it. “So pathetic and perfect for me like this, all cock drunk and fucked out and I haven’t even fucked you yet, huh?”

You nod frantically, and you can’t even find the energy to be embarrassed when a hand comes up to pet your hair with a condescending ‘awe’ as he pouts at you. You bat his hand away with a whine and furrowed eyebrows, but all that gets you is his hand tangled in your hair, yanking sharply in retaliation. “Careful, slut, or you won’t be coming for the next week-”

“Please, Yoongi-” You don’t let him finish, knowing from experience to always take his threats seriously. “I’m sorry, I’m fucking sorry, okay just please-”

You cut yourself off with a high pitched, tea kettle-like squeak as he uses his hands on you as leverage to have you sink down onto his cock in one fell swoop. “Shit, god, you’re always so fucking tight around me, fuck me.”

I am, is what you wish you were coherent enough to snark back with, but you’re sure no one would blame you if they could feel what you feel right now. And what you’re feeling right now is how well Yoongi feels inside of you, like no cock you’ve ever had. Every ridge and vein on his cock fills you up to the fucking brim, no room left for a pinky or a thought that has to do with anything other than Yoongi, Yoongi, Yoongi.

And then he starts with those devilish moments of his hip, fucking into you shallowly and slowly to start and it’s all Yoongi’s dick.

“Fucking bounce on it, dove. Fuck yourself on my cock, show me how much you need it,” He speaks through gritted teeth, each word a struggle as he tries not to fuck into you without thought. And it’s with the satisfaction you get knowing he’s just as desperate for you as you are for him that you find the strength to do as he says.

With quivering thighs, you push up and off of his cock, the two of you sharing a harmonious groan at the feeling, foreheads pressed against each other, skin sweaty. And this all just in the calm before the storm.

It’s not long before the both of you are moving frantically, mere seconds, really. It’s intense and all-encompassing, as you grind and roll your hips, cock deeper than you knew to be possible, and his bucking his own hips into you roughly, no doubt as deeply in some sort of euphoria as you are. His hands are everywhere and so are his lips. He sucks marks into your tits and gropes your ass, controlling your movements to the best of his abilities.

All of that, plus your clit grinding against his pelvic bone every other second and your head just might be in another universe.

Yoongi’s words are swirling around in your head, though you’re not properly taking any of it in- his velvety voice goes on about how wet you are, how tight you are, how you’re a good girl and it’s all another instrument in your downfall. You’ve never been much for heights but being with Yoongi feels like something akin to what you assume bungee jumping is like, and you’re just about at that point where your cord runs out of length and your heart drops to the bottom of your stomach.

“Tell me you’re fucking close, baby, c’mon,” This is as close to pleading as you can ever get Yoongi but you’re still swimming in pride. He brings a hand off of your ass to cup your cheek, brushing away your now mussed hair and a single stray tear and you drink in the look in his eyes, dark red-rimmed and needing. “Gonna fill you up with my come, just like I know you like, my perfect little cumslut, fuck, just need you to come first, yeah? All over my fucking cock.”

And with a particularly hard grasp at your ass, bringing you to grind your clit against him again, you’re gone. It’s considerably less intense than the previous one, as many second orgasms are, but your head is still spinning and you think you might have drooled a little, but you don’t mind and you know Yoongi doesn’t. Your attempts to stifle your moans are unsuccessful as the name of the man attached to your favourite cock falls from your lips like a mantra.

And where your orgasm is, Yoongi is rarely far behind- he loves seeing you fall apart around him, because of him and you always clench so fucking hard around him in the peak of your pleasure how could he fucking not. He’s grunting, moaning, damn near growling as he spurts his own release as deep into you as he possibly can, coating every inch of your delectable pussy, vague mumbles of how he’s filling you up, just like you’re meant to be that you can just barely hear.

Shakey breaths hit each of your faces as you come down, now still and worn out. Your chests move up and down and you don’t know when you’ve buried your face into the crook of his neck, but the warmth and smell are more comforting than any hit you’ve ever taken off of one of his blunts.

“Shit, buttercup,” He chuckles, the vibrations rumbling through his chest and where you’ve tucked yourself He runs a hand through his sweaty black locks, the other hand locked around your waist. “I don’t know how we’re gonna move without making this couch fucking disgusting.” Mood killer.

“Don’t give a shit.”

“Yeah, but I do. Especially if Joon or Hobi someone finds it and makes a big fucking deal out of it, like no other guy in his twenties has some come stained furniture.”

You pull back from the spot you wish he’d just let you fall asleep in so he can see your pout. He can’t find the sight of you… adorable? Your hair matted, bruises, courtesy of yours truly littering your tits and chest, a thin sheen of sweat making your skin glow and bottom lip jutted out exactly enough to be overexaggerated and so fucking adorable.

At that moment he’s glad that about three weeks ago the two of you had started to break the unspoken no sleeping over after sex rule because he just wants to clean you up and feel you curl yourself around him like you like to.

You don’t know what time it is, just that it’s late and that it doesn't matter, because this was certainly time well spent. You wonder how much sleep you’ve given up in lieu of Yoongi’s pretty dick. Of course, it does matter... because you have a 9 am class tomorrow morning that you can’t miss, but that’s for future you to worry about. For now, it’s time to try to get up without defiling this Ikea couch (you failed miserably and giggled about it while Yoongi groaned in mock pain), burn out just one more joint, steal some clothes for bed and some snacks from his fridge, and pass the fuck out on his bed, which you think is way better than yours, but that has nothing to do with the boy in it or his comforting warmth and smell.

..............................................................................

Past you is a dumb bitch. Also maybe current you. Point being, you hate you, because you’re sore and stiff and ten minutes late to your dumb 9 am class and it’s all Yoongi’s fucking fault. You texted him this much, calling him a ‘little bitch boy’ for not even waking you up to make you a cup of coffee with his fancy instant coffee machine before you left. He hasn’t responded yet because holy fuck does that guy sleep like a rock. A really cute, cuddly, sex-god rock.

But, as usual, Jimin came in clutch, handing you off a coffee as your paths crossed on campus, each of you heading to your respective classes. He gave you a one-armed-too-tight hug and a comment on how you have that very glamourous ‘I got fucked by Min Fucking Yoongi last night and you didn’t so I’m better than you look.’ You tried to take it as a compliment as you thanked him for the coffee. He gave you a cute kiss to your forehead that reminded you you could never even be annoyed at him for too long.

And now you’re in class. Headache from not getting enough sleep getting worse by the second while you tried not to think about what judgements people must be passing on you, with your sunglasses inside and hickeys you didn’t have time to cover up.

When your phone pings you assume it’s Jimin, with something slutty or sarcastic or both. But it’s not. It’s Yoongi- well, it’s what you have Yoongi’s number saved under, aka the drooling emoji three times over… You’re surprised he’s awake, you’re pretty sure he doesn’t have shit to do until the afternoon.

You have a fleeting thought that it could be a dick pic- yeah it’s a little early for that kind of dumb fuckboy behaviour, and you’d previously thought that too, but Kim Taehyung proved you wrong last year.

Yoongi isn’t a dick pic kind of guy anyway. No, he’s the guy that sends pictures of his hand around your throat that one night you let him take artsy photos of you two fucking on his film camera. The kind of guy that sends you audios of him jerking off and moaning your name that you listen to through your earphones in between classes because he knew you wouldn’t be able to help yourself. He’s the guy that drives you crazy because you can never quite predict what he’s gonna do next.

[9:23 am] From 🤤🤤🤤: you could have woken me you know dummy

[9:24 am] From 🤤🤤🤤: subways are gross in the morning

[9:25 am] From 🤤🤤🤤: i could have u know, driven u…

[9:26 am] From 🤤🤤🤤: cant really say no to u buttercup.

You don’t know why you’re heart’s beating so fast so you reprimand yourself for thinking with your pussy. Min motherfucking Yoongi is gonna be the death of you.

#bts smut #btswritingcafe #yoongi smut #yoongi x reader #bts x reader #buttercup #bts fic #yoongi fic #bts fanfiction #bts oneshot #bts writing #def not my best work but u know JKFDHKJFHS

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stardustkenobi · 4 years

Text

Toska

Din Djarin x Reader

Warnings: canon typical violence

A/N: Hi all! I know it’s been awhile but I’m hoping to find somewhat of a regular content posting schedule within the coming weeks now that school is officially done for the semester. This is part one of a series that I’ve been planning out for quite a few months :)

Toska [tuss-kAH] — noun. A sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without a specific cause; a longing with nothing to long for.

“I won’t accept Imperial Credits, Max. Not again.”

The elderly junkboss looked at you through narrowed, beady black eyes as the useless commerce was pushed in your direction once more. “This is all I can give you for today.”

Your expression mimicked his with slightly more of an edge before sliding the credits right back. “I’ve just provided you with my largest haul to date — probably your largest acquisition in months. I know you have the means to pay well and you’re holding back on me?” You jerked your head over to your land speeder with lips pressed in a hard line. “I want all of that scrap back on my speeder in five minutes so I can go take it to another buyer.”

The look you received in return did not necessarily convey the sense of increased urgency in Maximilion Bane’s response to your withdrawal of your side of the bargain. “I can give you half in calamari flan, then tomorrow when I sell these to my client I can pay the rest in nova crystals.”

Your breath caught in your throat. “What kind of buyer is giving you nova crystals?” You hadn’t ever seen one in person and if you had even one? You’d be able to take a long break from scavenging.

The junkboss stayed quiet before pushing forward the first half of his updated offer. “Do we have a deal?” He asked, your question completely disregarded.

You stayed silent for a moment or two, hedging your bets. The calamari flan was worth far more than the Imperial Credits, but the small sum was certainly not enough to cover the value of your haul. The decision came down to whether or not you could trust Maximilion Bane.

Within a minute, you came to the conclusion that the risk of missing out on one of the galaxy’s most valuable prizes outweighed the risk of being swindled.

“If you screw me over again, I will never, ever do business with you again.” Your voice was steely as you took the rubbery discs off of the counter. “Do you understand me?”

He nodded, knowing all too well what the value of keeping a scavenger as resourceful as you meant for his business. “Come back tomorrow at fifteen hundred hours, then I can give you your cut of the sale.”

With a stern nod, you pocketed the first half of your payment and turned on your heel, making your way out into the glaring Tatooine sun and leaving your speeder docked near where you would usually work on cleaning all of your findings. It was almost impossible to keep your thoughts of the prospect of having some of the most valuable currency in the galaxy in your hands in only little more than twenty four hours. Had you not been hardened by ten years of voluntary self isolation, supporting yourself by collecting scrap metal and selling it for less than what it was actually worth, maybe you would have allowed yourself to smile. Allowed yourself to let some former version of yourself creep over your features as a reminder to all that even those whose hearts have been hardened by hardship are still themselves at their core.

However, this was not one of the fairytales your father read to you at night when you were a child — those days were too far gone and you felt that you outgrew them the minute your feet crossed over the threshold of your home as you ran away from everything you had ever known when you were just fifteen. You didn’t operate in silly clichés and you certainly didn’t want to sit in your emotions and allow the past to soften you. To eat up all of your energy like it used to on cold nights when you’d first left home and wanted nothing more than to go running back to the comfort of your father’s arms.

All of that was in the past now, and you supposed that the past was simply prologue. Just a blip on the timeline of events in your life that has led you to the bittersweet plateau of the mundaneness of routine — get up, search for scrap, clean and sell the scrap, sleep. Nothing more, nothing less.

The road to your home wasn’t necessarily unpopulated by any means, it was just dusty and the sun was high, so more likely than not people were taking shelter in their homes to take their midday meal. There wasn’t anything unusual about not encountering many, if any, individuals on your way back from work.

So, tripping over a little bundle of something unexpectedly about four yards away from home naturally took you by surprise.

Falling to the ground, you immediately reached for your blaster, making a quick draw and pointing to toward whatever had tripped you only to find two large black eyes staring you down.

“Hello?” You asked timidly, blaster still raised as a soft coo met your ears. Your eyes widened and you dropped your weapon almost immediately because holy shit there was a child sitting right in front of you and it was defenseless and you suddenly felt absurd.

The child didn’t answer you, save a little giggle at your expense, no doubt noting you opening and close your mouth like a fish because you had never seen anyone who looked like that in your entire life. To hell with any of the manners your parents had worked to shove down your throat when you still lived with them.

You slowly crawled over to them, blaster in your hand with the safety on. They cowered back a few paces, ears lowering a bit. “It’s okay.” You said, voice a lot more certain as you tried to garner back your people skills. “Are you alone, little one?”

The only response you received were two little green hands stretching up toward you, causing you to flinch. He continued to move up toward you, eyes now determined. Your gaze focused down toward where their hand was going and your eyes softened a bit as you fixated on the target. The one piece of home you kept with you, a simple disc with your parent’s wedding anniversary date inscribed into it on a chain, had slipped from underneath your tunic when you had tripped.

“Is this what you’re looking at?” You asked, as if they even understood you. You reached up, pulling the chain out a little further so they could get a better look at it.

A more enthusiastic sound than the previous one met your ears and you smiled. Shit, when was the last time you had smiled? You gave the chain a tug, yanking it off of your neck and dangling it in front of the child’s face.

They broke out into a smile, despite looking somewhat uncomfortable just moments before, and surged toward you as quickly as they could on their little feet.

Something between a snort and a giggle left your lips as the little disc on the chain was suddenly pinched between green pudgy fingers. “Where’s your family, hm?” You mused, more to yourself than anyone else as you sat up on your knees, reaching back into your small bag filled with little odds and ends and pulling out small bit of food and offering it to them. “Are you hungry?”

The glistening of metal under the sun was no match for an unsatisfied stomach, apparently. The chain, which had found its way into the child’s mouth, was instantly forgotten and the food you offered was snatched from your hand. You scooped up the chain, a smile crossing your lips once more as you watched them raise the food to their lips and —

“Get away from him!” Someone snapped from behind you.

Fuck.

Finding a random kid on the streets without some sort of handler or parent or guardian or whatever was just not feasible, you knew this. Boy did you know this, because, fuck, you had been a kid on the street without a parent in Tatooine at one point. The streets were not kind to the innocent here.

You rolled back on your knees, pulling your blaster again and putting yourself between the child and whoever was yelling at you to move. Hitting the safety, your stomach sank as the sun glimmered off of whoever it was.

A Mandalorian in all of their shiny armored glory stood before you, blaster drawn on you. Whoever they were clearly had an advantage over you, what with your free arm protecting the little one you had tripped over and your dominant hand pointing your blaster back at them from the ground. Even if you had been standing it wouldn’t have mattered – they had you on height and muscle.

“Who the hell are you?” You finally settled on, steeling yourself as your gaze trained onto what you figured was your best guess of where their eyes would be had they not been covered by beskar as expressionless as the blasters in either of your hands.

“Doesn’t matter.” The modulated voice was undoubtedly male, there was no questioning that. “Give me the kid.”

Your eyebrows furrowed as you tried to stay perfectly still. “How do I know he’s even yours?” You challenged. Was this most likely a con job that was going to lead to you getting kidnapped, robbed, or both? Definitely. This child was definitely with the Mandalorian. However, on the off chance that he really wasn’t with the Mandalorian, some feeling that you could only identify as a mix of protective instinct and adrenaline made you shift in front of the child even more. “You certainly don’t share any resemblance.”

The Mandalorian’s head tilted, as if he was thinking. “Shut up.” He said after a moment, taking a few steps forward.

Your arm gently pushed the child back as you scooted back in the sand, trying to put some distance between you and the towering figure looming over you and your new found companion. “How do I know he didn’t get out of someone’s house and you’re trying to hurt him?” You challenged, a little more confident in your abilities to do more than hold your own if the situation came to combat.

“You don’t.” He said as plain as day, keeping whatever he was feeling so perfectly under wraps beneath the sparkling armor that encased his head. He was silent for another long moment as the child cooed behind you, making grabby hands at the Mandalorian. For all you knew, it could have simply been because of the shimmering metal in front of you, just like the chain in your free hand. “Are you in the business of taking things that don’t belong to you?”

“No.” You snapped, still staring him down over the barrel of your blaster. “Are you?”

Your question was ignored as he came forward even more and you gritted your teeth, squeezing the trigger. The shot simply ricocheted off of the Shar’tas covering to the space where his ribs ended. Attempting to take another shot, hoping the lack of distance would give you a better chance, your finger struggled to push the trigger once more, alerting you that the weapon had stalled. Shit.

The Mandalorian kicked the blaster out of your hand, the action messing up your balance and pushing you too the ground along with the child, who was adeptly scooped up and put to the side after the expressionless warrior had straddled your hips and pinned you down.

“Get the fuck off of me.” You snapped, panic rising in your chest as you tried to reach for the child, who was just out of your reach. Part of you was, again, trying to protect what you still hoped to be an innocent bystander rather than a part of a con job, part of you was trying to protect yourself. He wouldn’t kill you if you were holding a kid.

“What exactly were you planning on doing?” He said, voice still eerily calm. “Killing me, taking the kid, collecting a bounty?”

“A bounty?” You said, gasping for air as his weigh started to stifle your air supply.

The arm reaching for the child was suddenly stuck in the sand. “Do you think you could even handle taking care of a kid?” He continued, as if he were testing you.

Your eyebrows furrowed. “Go fuck yourself.” You snapped, trying to buck him off of you. “I wasn’t trying to do shit except get home to rest when he literally tripped me, fuckin’ bucket head. Maybe you should take better care of your kid, if he’s even yours, considering he was alone and hungry when I found him.”

A modulated huff echoed in your ears as the Mandalorian reached for the kid and plucked something from around his neck. He dangled a necklace with a small mythosaur skull in front of your nose, his way of telling you that, yes, the kid was really with him. “This good enough for you?”

You nodded, bucking your hips again. “Get. Off. Of. Me.” You said through gritted teeth, continuing to buck your hips until the weight above you relented and rolled off of you, blaster trained on you once again.

“I’ve never seen a Mandalorian before.” “Why are you so concerned with the kid?”

Your words echoed one after another as you sat up, hand on your own weapon, as useless as it was. Your head tilted to the side as you studied the warrior sitting in front of you, then the plucky little baby glued to his side. Before you could say anything else, you were cut off again.

“You seem too scrawny to be a bounty hunter.” He continued, his head tilting as well.

“Hey, I —“

“So what do you want with him?” His voice was steely and guarded, just like every other part of him. “I know for a fact that there aren’t any Guild tracking fobs on him, but then again Moff Gideon —“

“Will you shut up for one second?” You snapped, finally sitting up. “I’m not with the Bounty Hunters’ Guild, I’m a scavenger, okay? I don’t even know what the hell that thing is.”

“He’s not a thing, he’s a kid.” The bounty hunter said simply, starting to stand up.

“Exactly.” You responded, starting to move but holding your hands up when he pointed his blaster at you again. “He’s a kid and I thought he was lost. I’d do it for anyone, okay?”

“But why?” He pressed, still not totally convinced that the woman in front of him had intentions motivated by good will alone.

“It doesn’t matter.” You said, finally standing up and putting your blaster away. “I’m gonna go. Glad you found your kid.” As you leaned down and grabbed your bag that had been tossed to the side, you heard a soft whimper and the patter of tiny feet in the sand. Turning on your heel, you were met with the sight of the nameless bundle of burlap and green waddling toward you, eyes somewhat concerned. You bit your lip, crouching down and reaching into your bag again, fishing out some more food and passing it into his hands when he finally made it to you. “Can you please lower your blaster?” You huffed up at the Mandalorian as you stared down the barrel of his weapon.

“No.” He responded almost immediately, leaving it at that as he watched you scratch the kid’s head on the spot that would typically have him fast asleep within ten minutes, even during the most fierce of tantrums. He listened to your soft whispers as you told him that you had to go, but it had been nice to meet him.

You stood as the kid finally got distracted by his food, then slung your bag over your shoulder and headed back on your way toward your house, shoulders still tense because you had the strange suspicion that a blaster was still trained on your retreating figure.

“Why would you sacrifice your life to save a child you just met?” He asked, making you freeze on the spot.

You stared off down the path for a long moment, trying to decide whether or not it was even worth responding to him. “Because he’s a kid.” You finally said, turning around to look at him. “Because I was raised to protect people. You don’t get rid of instinct and training like that.”

As you finished speaking, the kid cooed again, trying to make his way toward you once more. His eyes were round and his hands reached out toward you once more.

“Can you kindly take your kid and go? I have to make myself something to eat.” You mumbled, finally prying your eyes away from the little green friend you had made and started on your walk back up the path, doing your very best to ignore what sounded like disappointed cries.

It was easier to ignore the kid than you initially expected as you continued down the path and made it home, too exhausted by the exchange to even care about the fact that the Mandalorian very easily could have tracked you and, more likely than not, did track you home. It was far easier to leave your tracks uncovered — the sand would blow them away soon enough. However, as easy as it had been to leave the Mandalorian and his child behind, your difficultly forgetting about them more than made up for the struggle that you might have endured earlier.

The novelty of meeting a Mandalorian in any capacity wasn’t what had peaked your interest. Maybe it was the kid or maybe it was excess adrenaline coursing through your veins from the almost fight for your life that had taken place. Maybe it was the fact that that Mandalorian specifically had so many questions, was so uncharacteristically talkative in that moment. He could have just ended you. Taken you out quickly as soon as the kid was out of the way.

But he didn’t.

And that was what haunted you throughout the rest of the day and far into what proved to be a restless night.

#the mandalorian #mando x reader #the mandalorian x reader #star wars reader insert #din djarin #din djarin x reader #star wars #self reader insert

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nineteenninety-six · 4 years

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An Un-ideal Situation

Why can’t I stop writing Javi angst. Please send me Narcos/Pedro requests pls. I won’t lie, I hateeee this. Also, ignore the title please, I struggled to come up with one.

TW: Kidnapping, abuse

SUMMARY: Reader experiences something that forces her to make a tough decision

(Y/N) woke up alone again that morning and she didn’t know whether he had even come home at all or stayed the night in his office but after a few moments of thought, she realised that she’d rather not know.

Her relationship with Javier was troubled to say the least and it had been for a while. (Y/N) knew he was occupied with catching Escobar and she was immensely proud of him and his colleagues but she felt suffocated and always on edge. They lived in Bogotá which was a hive for cartels and other criminals, most of which, she guessed worked for Escobar in some way and Javier’s face had been plastered on newspapers and news reports across the country leaving no doubt that Escobar and his sicarios knew who he was and that made her connection to him a dangerous one.

She loved Javier, she really did but the current situation was tearing her heart in two. One part of her wanted to stay with him but the other half wanted to go back home.

She worked at the local hospital along with Steve’s wife, Connie and (Y/N) had gotten close to the women, she found solace in the only person who knew how she was feeling and what she was going through. Most of (Y/N)’s patients were victims of Escobar and his men. They were either innocent locals or they were from a smaller cartel that hadn’t bent at the knee for Escobar and because of this, she felt like didn’t have an escape. Whether she was at home with Javi or at work, she was suffocated by Escobar and whatever he left his imprint on.

As she made her way to work that morning, (Y/N) was distracted by her thoughts about Javier which meant that she wasn’t paying attention to her surroundings which was her biggest mistake. Too caught up in her head she didn’t hear the van speeding up to her or the door opening, she only knew she was in trouble when arms wrapped around her and pulled her backwards, a palm quickly fitting over her mouth to prevent her from screaming. (Y/N) was swiftly pulled into the back of the van, a piece of fabric quickly fitting over her eyes, another in her mouth forcing her jaw open along with her wrists and ankles being bound together, then she was knocked out by a harsh hit to the head.

(Y/N) woke up to the sound of voices muttering to each other but she struggled to make out what they were saying due to her pounding headache. As she blinked away the grogginess she realised that she was bound to a chair, her ankles were bound to the chair’s legs and her arms were pulled behind her back around the back of the chair and tied together but she wasn’t blinded or gagged.

(Y/N) groaned out loud as she tried to make sense of what was happening around her causing the voices to stop talking.

“Oh! She’s awake~” A mocking voice called out as footsteps made their way towards her.

(Y/N) didn’t recognise the man who stood in front of her, “W-who are you? Why am I here?”

“You don’t know who I am? Your boyfriend didn’t tell you?”

(Y/N) felt nervous, she didn’t know if he was talking about Javier or perhaps mistaken her for a girlfriend of a random cartel member

“I-i have no idea what you’re talking about.” (Y/N) harshly swallowed, “P-please--”

“Javier Peña, DEA agent.” The man smirked down at her, “You can’t lie to us.”

(Y/N) took a deep breath a tried to settle her racing heart and think clearly, she hoped she could lie and try to convince them that they’ve got the wrong person but that idea was killed struck off after they named Javi.

“Who are you?” She questioned.

“La Quica” The man smiled a nasty smile at her.

(Y/N) instantly felt sick, she knew who La Quica was and she knew he wasn’t good news and that she was in danger.

La Quica grinned as he spotted her change in expression before he started to frown, “Your boyfriend has been causing us a bit of trouble and we just want to send him a message.”

“And I’m the message.”

“There you go” La Quica gave her malicious smile before slapping her across the face.

(Y/N) choked on the gasp that escaped her and felt her cheek burn from the slap. It wasn’t long until she was slapped again, this time her lip split open. She began to cry as the pain and situation settled in, she was most likely going to die today and there was nothing she could do to prevent it.

The beatings continued and (Y/N) tried her hardest to dissociate from what was happening. She didn’t know how much time passed until he stopped but she was aware that her body hurt pretty much everywhere and she was bleeding.

(Y/N) winced as she let out a shaky breath, her ribs throbbing in pain, “Are you-- are you going to kill me?”

La Quica smirked and shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know, maybe.”

He then pulled out his phone and began to dial a number, grinning at her as he held the phone up to his ear. The person answered and they went back and forth a bit, (Y/N) could only hear what La Quica was saying but she knew he was having fun by the smile on his face. He then made his way over to where she was and held the phone up to her ear, she shot him a confused look but it quickly melted away when she heard the voice on the other side.

“(Y/N)?!”

(Y/N) could hear the panic and fear in Javier’s voice as he shouted over the phone.

“Javi?”

La Quica snatched the phone away after that and brought it back to his ear, “You hear that? She’s alive but she won’t be for long, so you should get here fast.”

La Quica hung up the call and looked down at her, “Your boyfriend is on his way, don’t know how long it’ll take him to find this place but it’ll be long enough so we can still have some fun.”

(Y/N) didn’t know when she passed out but she woke up to a hand gently clasping her face and fingers brushing over her cheek.

“Hey...hey wake up for me darlin’”

It was Javi. (Y/N) sobbed in relief.

“You’re okay, you’re okay. I’m here darlin’”

“Javi...” (Y/N) whimpered

She fell into his embrace as he loosened the ropes tieing her to the chair, he soothed her as she cried into his neck.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry mi amor.”

(Y/N) felt herself get lifted as Javi held her in his arms and left the building, soon after she was placed in the back of an ambulance. She didn’t pay attention to what was happening around her, focusing only on Javi’s hand in hers. She passed out again but this time when she woke up she was in the hospital and Javi was sat in the chair next to her bed.

As (Y/N) gazed at him, she made her mind up. She couldn’t do this anymore, her love for Javi didn’t outweigh the cons by being with him.

Javier looked up from the papers he was reading and saw that her eyes were open, “Hey, you’re awake.”

He pressed a kiss to her head and took her hand in his, “How are you feeling?”

“I’m alright.” She sent him a pained smile, “Javi, we-uh need to talk.”

Javier frowned, “What do you mean?”

“I can’t do this anymore, Javi.” (Y/N) blinked back her tears, “Being with you is too risky.”

“(Y/N)-”

“I’m sorry, Javi but I can’t be with you anymore. I can’t live my life by being afraid to go outside. It’s not fair for me.”

Javier stuttered over his words, caught off guard, “I--, we don’t have to break up. You can go back to Texas and I’ll come back after we’ve got Escobar.”

(Y/N) shook her head as tears fell down her cheeks, “I know you, Javi. Escobar won’t be the end for you, once he’s gone there will be another cartel that pops up and you’ll be after them too. We should end this for good.”

“I’ll stop after Escobar, I promise.” Javier was begging.

“I can’t ask you for that Javi. I love you but we can’t-”

“Please!”

“I’m sorry, Javi.”

Javier clenched his jaw and nodded before he stormed out of the room, the door slamming shut loudly behind him causing (Y/N) to flinch. She loved him more than he could ever know but she couldn’t risk her life by staying in Colombia for any longer. It broke her heart but she had to leave.

#javier pena x reader #javier peña x reader #javier pena imagines #javier pena #narcos imagine #narcos fanfic #imagines #fanfic #angst #javier peña #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal imagines

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blackmissfrizzle · 5 years

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Dirty Little Secret Part 2

Title: Dirty Little Secret Part 2

Characters: Chris Evans x black!reader

Summary: The reader attends Ace Comic-Con with Chris

Word Count: 1331

Being out in the public with Chris had been the best decision. Sure, there were some racists trolls and paparazzi would try to photograph you two all the time, but it wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. Chris would shut down the haters and you both tried your best to keep your whereabouts a secret. The good definitely outweighed the bad.

You even attended Chris’s high school reunion, which you had a blast there. His old classmates wasted no time telling you embarrassing stories of Chris and you ate it up. Chris was glad to bring you to his reunion. People would think he would want to brag about his Hollywood life, but all he did was brag about you and how lucky he was.

Now you were standing offstage while Chris, Don, and Jeremy were answering questions for the Ace Comic-Con. Currently, the moderator was asking about the acrylic memes of himself that was taking over social media. You thought those memes were a gift from God, especially the one that went over Civil War.

“Yeah, my girlfriend showed me them. Well, she tried to. She was too busy crying over how funny they were. Our favorite one is the recap from Civil War.” Chris explained how he found out about his new makeovers.

Excited to hear about you, Angelique, directed her questioning to the topic of you. “Speaking of your girlfriend. You broke a lot of hearts when you two publicized your relationship at the Endgame premiere. How’s everything going with you two?”

Chris instantly blushed at the mention of you and you heard the whole crowd go ‘awww’. “Great. Everything’s great. Except she got mad at me for not warning her about Cap’s ending.” Everyone in the room laughed at that.

Don butted in. “I don’t know how you didn’t tell her. Have y’all seen that video of Y/N kicking MBJ’s butt in the boxing ring. I’m scared of her. All she would have to do is raise her voice and I’d be singing like a canary.” The crowd erupted into laughter once again.

Luckily, they were able to shift the questions from you and into other things. Angelique had just asked the men what their favorite fighting scene from all of the movies and Chris accidently cussed, which caused you to palm your face, and he immediately followed it up with his iconic line ‘Language.’

Cheadle got up to point to a child, “There’s a child right here.” As he and Renner went off stage, he pointed at you, “Even your girlfriend is disappointed in you!”

The moderator had the crowd chant to bring back Don and Jeremy onstage and they also cheered for you to join them. With enough coaxing from the pair and the crowd, all three of you joined the stage.

Since there were no extra seats on the stage, Chris pulled you into his lap and gave you a kiss, causing all the women and some men in the room to swoon.

“Welcome, Y/N. Since I already got these fine gentlemen’s answer, would you please like to tell us what’s your favorite fight from the MCU?”

Why did she ask you such a hard question? You probably had more than 5 favorite fights. In response you bit your nails and a sheepish look on your face, which made everyone laugh. “Oh my God, that’s so hard! There’s so many. Obviously, there’s Chris’s elevator fight, the airport fight, the Avengers last fight, the Endgame battle, the last fight in Infinity War, and the casino fight in Black Panther.”

Chris laughed at your enthusiasm; he knew how much of a Marvel fan you really were. “Babe, she asked for one fight not all of them.”

“Y’all see how mean he is. Hmph, that’s why Anthony is my favorite Captain America.” You elbowed your boyfriend in his not so soft stomach, but he still grunted in pain. “Anyway, before I was rudely interrupted,” you cut your eyes to Chris. “I’m gonna say my favorite fight has to be the casino fight in Black Panther and it all has to do with Dani throwing that wig! I actually bought a wig for that exact reason. I wore it when I was sparring with my trainer, and I whipped it off and threw it at him and I managed to take him down in my fastest time.”

Don looked at you in awe. “See this is why I love black women. Now, I just wanna see a bunch of wigs flying throughout a fight.”

After that the questions were directed towards Chris, Jeremy, and Don. You would give your input every so often and some questions would be directed towards you. A young black girl asked if you considered being in a Marvel movie, which your response was you wished you could, but your acting skills were horrible and that there was so much undiscovered talent that you would feel guilty for taking a role.

The questions were rolling when Chris got distracted by a dog. He actually got off stage to pet the fan’s dog. “This happens every time,” you pointed at Chris. “When he sees a dog, he drops everything. I mean everything and goes to pet them. I honestly think Chris is a dog in human form and he’s tricking us all.” you explained to the crowd.

Chris finished petting the dog and awkwardly hopped back onto the stage. Then he tried to be cool by flipping his mic, but he failed when he dropped it.

“Dork,” you mumbled.

When he returned to his seat, Chris licked your face. “Since, you believe I’m a dog.”

You wiped the cheek he licked with a look of pure disgust. “You’re just mad because Dodger loves me more,” you taunted him.

The rest of the con went on with a breeze. When Chris was taking pictures with fans, some even asked you to join and you happily obliged.

By the time you left the con, you and Chris returned to the hotel and automatically prepared for bed. You didn’t realize how exhausting being at a comic-con could be.

“How do you think today went,” Chris asked from his bed while you were going through your bedtime routine in the bathroom.

“Babe, it was amazing. I don’t know why I was so worried. Is it always like this?”

Chris broke out into a smile. He knew you would fall in love with the cons, he thought it was the best part of his job. Meeting the people who loved the work he did and supported him was wonderful and Chris was glad you got to enjoy it. “Yup. It’s even more fun with RDJ there, but I’m kinda scared if you and Robert shared the same stage.”

Offended that your boyfriend didn’t want you to share a stage with one of your good friends, you poked your head through the door to peer at him. “Listen to me Evans, me and Robert would be fun on the stage.”

“That’s my point! You two you would be ganging up on me.”

Going back to your nighttime routine you manically laughed at Chris. People typically hated when you and Robert were in the same room, because you would two would team up and roast everyone in the room and Chris is usually your favorite target.

“Maybe you have a point.”

Chris and you fell into a comfortable silence while you finished getting ready for bed. You were reminiscing over the day and he was practicing his speech for you in his head for tomorrow. When you finished getting ready, you joined Chris into bed he instinctively pulled you into his embrace. He smiled against your neck and you thought he was happy at the turn of events for today, but in reality, his smile stemmed from his excitement about the ring he was planning on giving you and taking one step closer of making you Mrs. Chris Evans.

Tags: @blackreaders-assemble @chaneajoyyy @pastelastronomy24 @dumbchick @nickidub718 @valkyriesnymph @marvelmaree @lildashofmelanin @cyrioussoul @wakanda-inspired @destinio1 @toniilaney @euphoric05 @yoyolovesbucky

#black!reader #cevans #chris x black!reader #chris evans x black!reader #chris x reader #chris evans x reader #rpf #mcu rp #mcu fanfiction #mcu #marvel fanfic

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puppyexpressions · 4 years

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Pet Euthanasia: When Is it Time to Let Go?

One of the most difficult decisions any pet owner is faced with is knowing when to let go. Choosing the right time to euthanize your beloved fur-baby is never an easy one, but it’s unfortunately a necessary part of life, however heart-wrenching it may be.

Although there are a number of factors to consider carefully before going through the process, it’s important to remember first and foremost that you love your pet dearly, and putting your dog or cat to sleep when he or she is too sick to maintain a healthy and happy existence is the most humane and responsible thing you can do, even though it may not feel like it at the time.

Pet euthanasia is an extremely sensitive subject, and a personal decision that must come from within you. Although your veterinarian knows your pet’s overall health and what may be best for them, they will respect that it’s ultimately your decision to elect euthanasia as a last resort.

Putting your cat or dog’s welfare above your own happiness is one of the most selfless things you can do, because in the end, you’re preventing them from needless suffering. Below is a list of questions you may wish to ask yourself when considering this life-altering choice:

Is your pet terminally ill? When you schedule an appointment with your vet, be sure to ask him or her what to expect, and ask yourself if you’re prepared for the next phases of treatment or actions.

Are you able to afford adequate treatment, medications and/or operations? Although we cannot put a price on our pet’s unconditional love and friendship, end-of-life costs can be extremely expensive and can complicate the grieving process with the additional stress of debt.

Does your pet still have an appetite? A sharp decrease in appetite is a tell-tale sign that your dog or cat is nearing the end of his/her life.

Has your dog or cat lost his/her bodily functions? If your pet is experiencing any or all of the following, s/he is experiencing a very poor quality of life:

Is it possible that additional treatment will improve your pet’s quality of life, or simply maintain his current condition? If the latter, you will want to give his prognosis some thorough consideration.

Consider your pet’s best interest: If you’re extending your cat or dog’s life simply because you’re grappling with the sadness of saying goodbye, it is important to remember what the humane choice is, even though it may be a painful one.

Chronic pain

Frequent vomiting or diarrhea that is causing dehydration and/or significant weight loss.

Pet has stopped eating or will only eat if force fed

Incontinence to the degree that s/he frequently has accidents

Lack of interest in favorite activities (such as going for walks, playing with toys or other pets, eating treats, or receiving affection from family members)

Unable to stand on his own or falls down when trying to walk; incapable of climbing stairs

Chronic labored breathing or coughing

Searching for Answers: Knowing When It’s Time to Say Goodbye

While some dogs and cats pass away peacefully in their sleep, more often than not, pet parents will come to the realization that their four-legged friend is no longer enjoying the joys of life they once knew – and it’s up to us to make the right decision.

Our responsibility to our pets includes keeping them comfortable as they age, providing them with protection against pain and suffering, particularly if they develop serious health conditions or terminal illnesses. Despite the fact that modern veterinary practices have flourished in the past several decades, it’s not always in your pet’s best interest to prolong his or her life. So how do we know when it’s time to say goodbye?

Here are some thoughts, actions and contemplations pet owners may go through before making their final decision concerning the welfare of their beloved cat or dog:

Look for signs

Oftentimes, pet parents know when their dog or cat is approaching their last days – the bond you’ve shared with your cherished family member gives you an innate understanding of their behavior. Whether it’s a lack of appetite, an inability to stand up, or hiding out of sight, there are certain signs your pet will display to indicate the imminent future.

If you see that your pet is experiencing a drastically diminished quality of life, euthanasia may be the most merciful and dignified action you can provide to protect them from further suffering.

Consulting family and friends

It can be comforting to seek the support system available through your family and closest friends – asking your relatives for advice is a natural reaction when you’re not sure what to do. Sometimes we simply need a heart-to-heart conversation with loved ones to lead us in the right direction.

Going with your gut

Many pet owners get a gut feeling that it’s time to make that fateful trip to the vet. Although taking the moral high road can be a painful emotional journey, you’ll know in your heart you are doing the right thing.

Getting a second opinion

You’re also entitled to a second opinion – if you find yourself on the fence or in disagreement with your family vet’s advice, you may wish to visit another office to help clarify your decision-making process.

When you’ve reached a breaking point

At some point, you may find that it’s become too painful to watch your pet suffer and realize you have the power to help end your pet’s misery. Although we arrive at this phase after attempting every possible form of treatment, you will feel a sense of relief knowing your beloved pet will no longer suffer.

Circumstances beyond our control

Sometimes, we may find ourselves in situations where the decisions in life are made for us, even though they may not be of our choosing or preference. In crisis scenarios – such as your pet’s operation revealing the cancer is in its final stages – we are forced to choose the most humane course of action.

Coming to terms with the inevitable

Once you have come to terms that your pet’s quality of life is declining and that you have the power to provide him with an act of mercy, it’s okay to embrace all of the emotions that come with your decision – euthanasia can be a relief to both you and your pet, because your dog or cat will no longer be in pain.

Preventing additional pain and suffering

When you realize that no matter what you do to alleviate your pet’s suffering, they’ll still be in pain and misery, it becomes a bit easier to accept euthanasia as the best option. Waiting until your dog or cat is completely incapacitated is far worse than taking a humane approach and letting them go with dignity and grace.

Ask your vet

For those who have established a good rapport with their veterinarian, it’s common for pet owners to ask them for their personal opinion – not just a medical recommendation, but actually asking them point-blank, “What would you do if you were in my shoes?” Nearly every vet has had similar experiences with other pet parents, so don’t be afraid to be candid if you feel it will help to have a conversation with them.

Additional Factors to Consider: Keeping Your Pet’s Best Interest in Mind

As is the case with any life-altering decision, there are many factors to be taken into consideration when coping with the possibility of euthanasia. In some instances, you may be part of a couple where one partner is having a more difficult time than the other at ‘letting go’. In this scenario, it’s essential to have a calm and rational conversation to decide what’s the most humane choice for your pet.

When looking to your vet for guidance concerning your pet’s future, it’s important to remember that although vets are trained to save lives, they can only make certain decisions with your consent. When your pet’s health is beyond saving, you will know what the right decision is – don’t be pressured to put your pet to sleep if you believe your cat or dog still has some good years left.

However, be vigilant when weighing the pros and cons regarding your pet’s overall quality of life, and base your decision on that alone. Even if you can afford treatments to extend your fur baby’s life, ask yourself if it’s truly in his or her best interest.

Some people may ask the question, “Am I playing God by choosing euthanasia?” Although that is a moral question that is subjective to your personal belief system, providing medical treatment to save your animal’s life may be viewed the same way – so you’ll want to give this decision some heavy contemplation. Because you may choose to be present when your pet passes so that he’s not alone, consider your reaction – if you’re unable to remain calm, you will spare your cat or dog additional trauma by remaining in the waiting room.

Don’t forget this simple fact: your pets live in the moment. Unlike our predisposition to reflect on the past or anticipate the future, your cat or dog is enjoying the present – and with that said, if they’re not happily ‘living in the now’, it’s important to assess their quality of life. Since our pets are unable to verbally tell us how they’re feeling, it’s essential to pay attention to their body language. If you know your pet is ill and notice their condition is steadily growing worse, be mindful of their behavior.

One of the surest rules of thumb to determine their overall well-being is to write down their five favorite things – whether it’s socializing with other animals, eating, or going for a walk, if your pet is no longer enjoying his or her favorite pastimes, you may want to consider talking to your vet and seeing if euthanasia is a merciful option.

In addition, keep track of their routine – take notes to see how many ‘good’ days versus ‘bad’ days your cat or dog has over the course of a few weeks. If the bad days outweigh the good ones, you should have a fairly clear indication as to the next steps for your pet.

Once you have made your decision, be sure that all family members have a chance to say goodbye to your pet before the procedure takes place. For families with young children, gently explain what is happening and prepare them for the loss of your pet. Since it may be your child’s first experience with death, it’s important to assist them through the grieving process. There are many children’s books available to open up a dialogue and help your child cope when dealing with this difficult subject.

Most of all, keep in mind that every situation is different – what may work for one pet family may not be feasible for yours. In the end, it’s up to you to trust your instincts, consult with your veterinarian, talk to loved ones, and do your research before arriving at your decision.

Although you’re losing a member of your family, administering euthanasia to terminally ill pets is actually a gift of sorts – by providing a peaceful passing for your cat or dog, you’re honoring the life you shared together and respecting that life by removing additional pain and suffering.

#Euthanasia #senior ogs #health #elderly dog

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mezzomercury · 5 years

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Bohemian Rhapsody in Blue- Mini Chapter Two

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: Implied and referenced smut

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September 23, 2017

London, United Kingdom

Circa 10:15am

Eliza gently woke up to the scent of a familiar musk and the feeling of warm, naked skin pressed against her own. It took a few moments after her eyes fluttered open to note the man in bed next to her. Curly hair, tan complexion, with large eyes that were resting shut. As soon as she drew the connection, she nearly gasped, but covered her mouth before she could wake up the man whom she had spent the night with. This wasn’t supposed to happen. She thought to herself, before once again studying him, observing his nude form between the bedsheets, as her heart couldn’t help but feel elevated to the stratosphere. Fuck, he’s so beautiful.

The sequence of events the night before that all led up to this moment seemed to bleed into each other: It was Joe’s birthday party, and after a long day of filming Bohemian Rhapsody, he decided to invite everyone, Eliza included, to a animal onesie-themed party, which Rami offered to host at his place. Everyone invited had to arrive in an animal onesie, and she decided to sport one resembling a tiger. It was a fun night of drinking, dancing, and the usual comradery, until she started talking to Rami, who dawned a panda suit, away from the crowd. What happened between then and when they ran up to Rami’s bedroom was a mystery even to them, as both of their suits were unzipped and thrown to the side of the room, and the two spent the rest of the night engaged in passionate, albeit intoxicated, lovemaking. Rami had explored every inch of Eliza’s body, and made her orgasm not once, not twice, but eight times in a row. It was a new record for both of them, and they revelled in the feeling of their warm bodies holding each other, not wanting to break contact in the slightest. After what Eliza could describe as the best sex she’s possibly ever had, they fell asleep cuddling in each other’s arms, with Rami whispering something about how beautiful and sexy she was.

Now, in the aftermath of all of this, Eliza was starting to panic: This was the man playing her father in a major motion picture. He’s not someone she was supposed to sleep with. Sure, she had thought about Rami in that way multiple times, but she knew it would probably never happen, at least it shouldn’t happen. They were both mature, professional adults. They had their own lives and careers, and having any sort of relationship besides friendship would most likely complicate things. But god dammit, she thought, He makes me feel a way I haven’t felt for the longest time. He makes me feel confident, sexy, and that I matter, above all else. She tried to get up out of the bed and stand up as quickly as she could, but was stopped with a sudden dizzy spell and had to lie back down.

The mild commotion caused Rami to stir awake and open his eyes to see Eliza, sitting on the bed beside him, completely nude and just as perfect as how she appeared to him last night. He observed how her long hair draped over her breasts, as if she were a mermaid, and the soft curves of her body that fanned out to meet her long legs. When both of them were standing next to each other, Eliza was two inches taller than him, but he didn’t mind in the slightest. Rami adored how she could be so statuesque yet somehow so petite at the same time. He reached out his hand to touch the small of her back, which caused her to yelp a bit and turned to him in a quick motion, contrasting his gentle and glacial ones. Her wide, brown eyes came to meet his blue ones, and she bit her lip out of anxiety. “Hey…” he calmly whispered to her, inching his hand to hold hers. She reluctantly accepted the invitation and sighed. “You know what we did, right?” she asked him, a small part of her wishing that he didn’t so they could just resume their relationship just as friends. He slowly nodded in response before adding with a grin on his face, “It was….it was...I can’t really describe it in words.” She smiled a bit sadly and looked into his eyes again. “I feel the same way,” feeling antsy and unready to address the inevitable.

“You know we probably can’t continue this, right?” Eliza nearly sighed out, as if she purposefully didn’t want Rami to hear it. “What do you mean? Why not?” he questioned, his face suddenly looking concerned by her statement. She refused to look into his soulful eyes and glanced down at her fidgeting hands. “I mean, this would cause a lot of issues, wouldn’t it?” she asked, continuing, “Don’t you think this is a bit….unprofessional, to say the least?” Rami could only smirk and shake his head. “I don’t care about professionalism, at least not with this.” he responded before reaching out his other hand to her face and stroking her cheek with his thumb, “If it makes you feel any better, we don’t have to keep doing this.” This proposal didn’t satisfy Eliza, as she still wanted him in the way she had him last night, but couldn’t think of any other decent solution. “OR…” he suddenly suggested, “We could just not tell anyone. I’d personally want to keep...whatever this is...going.” She couldn’t help but smile as her head eased into his hand, then broke away to consider the issue at hand.

It took a while for Eliza to respond to Rami’s proposition. She quickly tried to weigh the pros and cons in her head, with the former outweighing the latter by a decent amount. The timing for all of this was far from perfect, but being with him felt so right. Eliza hadn’t been in a steady relationship for a couple years, as she was still somewhat recovering from the train wreck ending of her previous one. Now, the memories of her toxic ex-girlfriend seemed to fade away, making room for someone new. It became evidently clear that this person was Rami. They happened to find each other in the strangest of circumstances, but weren’t all great couples’ origin stories like that? Everything about this seemed like she should give this relationship a chance, yet, she still felt some unknown reason stop her.

As Rami watched Eliza rack her brain, anxiously awaiting for an answer, he too pondered his potential future with her, but was far less hesitant. His brief thoughts were interrupted when Eliza placed a hand to cup his face, stroking his cheek with her thumb as he did to her before. As she quietly swallowed and bit her lip, she looked into his eyes once more, gradually growing more confident with her decision and finally spoke it to the universe. “Alright, fuck it. Let’s give it a go.” Her positive but candid response made Rami grin like the Cheshire Cat as he slightly turned his head and lightly kissed her fingers. After he did that, Eliza took the plunge and closed the gap between them, seizing his mouth to her own in a deep kiss.

Their lips were locked for quite some time, as their hands explored one another’s bodies in gentle yet intense passion, so much so that they both fell back onto the bed, lying side by side. Although not wanting to in the slightest, Rami broke the kiss and pulled back his head to look at Eliza. Her lips were now slightly swollen from his administrations and the tension and worry that had previously resided in her eyes was now gone. Licking his lips and pressing his forehead to hers, Rami remarked, “Good, because that means I get to do that thing you loved so much again,” as he suddenly started kissing down her body, slowly making his way towards her warm core. Before he could make it past her stomach, Eliza abruptly stopped him and lifted his chin so that he could look at her. “Wait,” she continued, “Can we please keep it confidential for now?” Her question surprisingly made Rami smile in response as he placed a kiss right below her navel. “Of course, babe. We can let the world know whenever you’re ready to, or never. It’s entirely your decision.” She nodded in approval and ran her fingers through his playful curls. “Now, could you be so kind as to make me cum for a ninth time, darling?” she purred to him, watching as Rami immediately followed her request and slowly resumed his administrations, wanting so desperately to please his enchanting tigress...

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Permanent Tag List: @siriuslovesmarlene, @r-ahh-mi, @unknownauthor, @yousaycoke-isaycaine, @ramibaby, @rami-malek-trash, @britishmoonchild, @onexlittlespark, @rami-hoe, @xtrashmammalstefx, @wanderlustnightwanderer

#bohemian rhapsody in blue #rami malek imagine #rami malek x oc #rami malek fluff #rami malek smut #freddie mercury x jim hutton #queen band #queen fic #bohemian rhapsody imagine #classic rock fandom #rami malek fic #rami malek

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thatsweetsexypsychotroyotto · 5 years

Text

I'm Not a Bad Person- Chapter 6

SUMMARY: Troy Otto does have feelings you know. He's in the process of figuring them out; especially when it comes to his childhood friend, Jaymie. Whatever they are, they're rooted deep, and they're growing.

WARNINGS: Language, Warped thoughts, Violence.

WORD COUNT: Fuck if I know.

PAIRING: Troy Otto x OFC

AUTHOR'S NOTE: My plan is to follow along with the events of season 3, but with my OFC involved. I'll veer off plenty of times and probably switch shit up completely. Not sure yet. We'll be exploring different characters' perspectives throughout the series. I'm not great at this writing thing but I try my best. Hope you like it enough. All characters except my OFC don't belong to me.

*******

Chapter 6

(Jaymie's POV)

The next day, a memorial service was held to honor Charlene- Jeremiah's goddaughter. She was the pilot of the helicopter that Jake, Alicia, Luciana, and Travis were on. She survived the crash, but the dead got her on the way back to the ranch.

To be honest, I didn't like Charlie. She was such a bitch to me. It was because her dad had an affair with my mom, and her parents split up. So she took her anger out on me.

One particular day she was talking shit; telling our mutuals I'd end up a whore just like my mother. That was stupid of her, mostly because Troy happened to be walking by. He turned and made a beeline straight to Charlene and decked her; no questions asked. I laughed my ass off when I found out. Wish I could have seen it first hand.

Naturally, Troy got in sooo much trouble. Mainly because he hit a girl. Pretty hypocritical of Jeremiah, but he was a "Do as I say, not as I do," type of parent. So, Troy was grounded for a month. That didn't stop me from sneaking in to the Otto's house every single night though. I'd take him desert and we'd stay up till 3 or 4 in the morning playing cards and board games.

Anyway, after Charlie's service, it was lunch time. I worked the line with my friend Gretchen, scooping globs of mac and cheese onto everyones' trays. Madison and Alicia were approaching, and I heard a community resident giving them a hard time. I felt bad for them, until Alicia said that people should be harassing Troy instead of them. Madison responded, 'I think they would be if they knew what he had done.' I know what Troy did was fucked up. That won't stop me from defending him though. Nothing will. I guess that makes me fucked up too; and I'm fine with that.

Both Madison and Alicia stopped abruptly, making eye contact with me. They realized I was serving, and that I most likely heard what they said. I tried not to let it show that it bothered me, but I know my eyes looked sad.

Gretchen broke the awkward silence with her subtle humor and kind words. Then she invited Alicia to attend one of her "Bible studies" (which was actually just a handful of our friends getting together to drink and smoke pot). There was no hiding Alicia's reluctance, but Madison practically made the decision for her to go. I'm grateful for it, because I need to figure Alicia out. Is she trustworthy? Could I see myself becoming friends with her?

***

About 2 hours later...

(Jake's POV)

How am I going to convince Troy that he needs to stay away from the Clarks? Ever since T.E. began he's been harder to control. I need Jaymie's help on this. She's the only person who has more influence on him than I do.

I find the two of them working together on mending one of the crops' fences. Both their faces are plastered with smiles. They kneel, preparing to wrap extra barbed wire around the bottom of a post. I can't make out what they're saying, but Jaymie throws her head back with a vivacious laugh. She nudges Troy with her shoulder, and he retaliates with a playful shove, causing her to topple over. She counterattacks by throwing a handful of dirt at him. They're honestly adorable.

It's a heartwarming sight to watch my brother in normal-human-being mode; and genuinely happy. Jaymie's good for him. Except on occasion she tends to enable his psychotic side. Though I'll admit that many times his semi-sociopathic behavior has been in her defense. He saw nothing wrong with it when he ki- ...never mind. I don't want to think about that. Anyway, the pros still outweigh the cons by a long shot, and they really are a good match. I kind of thought they'd have gotten together by now.

Troy offers Jaymie a hand and pulls her back to a kneeling position. She tries to wipe the dirt off that she threw at him, but she's actually making it worse since her hands are covered in soil. They're still laughing when I reach them.

Troy notices my presence and his smile falters slightly. "The boar's back. Keeps digging up the fence posts to get to the cabbage. Could use an extra pair of hands tracking it tonight."

May as well cut to the chase. "Stay away from Madison and her family."

"They're my friends."

"They came here under my invite. They trust me."

"They came here not to get eaten. I wouldn't flatter yourself."

Jaymie snickers at Troy's response, then looks at me with a grin she tries to suppress.

"Yeah, but they're staying cause I said I'd protect them- from you.

"And how are you going to do that?"

I knew this would be difficult. "Please don't do this, Troy. Please. I'm the one who still believes in you."

"Well I don't need you to anymore."

"Yeah, you do. If the ranch knew what you really are-"

"And what am I Jake?"

I look to Jaymie for an assist, but she's clearly upset with me. She stands and stalks toward me, grabbing my arm to pull me away from the scene. "What the hell would you say that for?!" She scolds me quietly.

"You know he broke in to Madison's cabin and threatened Nick?"

"And you're dumb enough to believe she's not over exaggerating?"

"Do you have any idea what he was doing at the depot? Do you?" Her expression is unreadable. "He was murdering people, Jaymie; timing how long it took them to change."

She sighs. "Yeah, yeah I know."

"Then why are you standing here upset with me?" I don't understand. She's acting like it was no big deal.

There's venom in her response. "Because of what you said to him back there, about what he is. You act like he's some kind of monster, Jake. He's your brother! Why would you say that?!"

I cannot believe what I'm hearing right now. So much for getting Jaymie on my side. I walk passed her and reapproach Troy. "Do you really think you were helping those people out at the depot?"

"I think I was helping all of us."

Alright. This is going nowhere. Let's try a different angle: "Troy, when Dad's gone, this is all on us. We have to take care of this place. We have to lead."

"Together." His tone sounds incredulous.

"Yeah. But I need you to do something for me. I need you to stay away from the Clarks. Do you hear me?"

"Yep. I hear you."

"Do you mean it?"

"I always mean it, Jake."

There's nothing more I can say. I turn to leave, and as I pass Jaymie, I beg her in a commanding tone, "Please help me with this. I need you on my side. Troy needs you on my side. He just doesn't realize it." She narrows her eyes at me with annoyed inquisitivity. "Just, think about it, alright?"

***

(Troy's POV)

Jaymie's so pissed off at Jake. She's always got my back. It doesn't matter who it is or what it's about. I know she doesn't agree with everything I've done. She does try and steer me in a different direction sometimes. I don't listen to her as much as I probably should, but whatever I end up doing, she never ever judges me. She's the only one. God, I love that girl... Wait, what?

"You alright?"

"Huh?" I didn't even notice she was by my side again.

"Forget what Jake said."

"Wasn't even thinking about it."

"Good." She gets back to helping me with the barbed wires, in silence, until, "Maybe we should both avoid Nick and Madison. Just for now?"

"Nah, I'm gonna have Nick help out with the boar tonight." I feel her looking at me. "It'll be fine, Jayms."

She considers my words for a moment then nods. "Alright. Well, I gotta get ready for Gretchen's Bible study. I'm gonna try and get to know Alicia; see what I think of her."

I give her a half-hearted smirk. "Have fun with that." I'm just bummed out she's leaving.

"I'll see you later?"

"Yeah. Later, Jayms." I watch her walk away, lost in the thought I had just a minute ago.

*******

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