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torreshalstead · 9 months

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Your eyes in my life - Chapter 23

Summary - The night of Kim’s final layover as a flight attendant ended with a one night stand with a stranger she met across a bar. 6 years later, that same stranger walked into the 21st District and was assigned as her new Rookie and her life was thrown upside down. She hadn’t seen Adam since that night in LA. But she saw his eyes every day. In the eyes of their daughter.

Chapters - 23/24

Chapter Summary - Kim and Adam tell Annabelle about the move and the big day finally arrives.

Notes - So… this actually isn’t the final chapter because I decided to add an epilogue but I want to dedicate this chapter to @justruntothemusic and @adamruz for their love and support on this story, it means a lot ❤️ AO3 Link

Kim needn’t have worried. When they had sat down and told Annabelle about the move, instead of the unsure and nervous response that Kim had been anticipating, Annabelle bounced up and down happily as if they told her they were going to Disneyland.

‘We are going to live together!’ Annabelle exclaimed loudly, her brown eyes wide and her toothy grin showing just how excited she was.

‘We are,’ Adam said with a smile, squeezing Kim’s knee where his hand had naturally found a place to rest.

‘Like a family!’ She said loudly, spinning around on the spot, throwing her arms in the air as she twirled.

‘We are a family,’ Kim smiled at her. The little girl's happiness was infectious.

‘Family!’ Annabelle reached forward and pulled them both into a hug, it was basically just her hanging off their necks but Kim and Adam both wrapped their arms around her and held her close.

‘Family,’ Kim repeated, looking at Adam. He winked back at her, the majority of his face obscured by their daughter's slightly wild hair. A family is exactly what they were.

‘Can I paint my room?’ Annabelle asked when she finally released her hold on her parents' necks. Kim rubbed the back of hers, who knew Annabelle had the hidden strength of a full sized man.

‘Whatever colour you want sweetheart,’ Adam smiled back, clearly just as excited as Annabelle.

‘I want it under the sea so Tommy is home too!’ She cheered, running into her room to clearly tell Tommy what was happening. They could hear her babbling to the stuffed turtle through the open door.

‘You are going to spoil her Adam,’ Kim said with not even a hint of anger in her tone. She knew what it was like to be completely wrapped around the little girl's finger, she had been herself since before she was born.

‘What my daughter wants, my daughter gets,’ Adam said proudly, throwing his arm around Kim’s shoulder and tugging her into his side as the pair fell back into the couch cushions. ‘Same goes for her mother,’ he murmured as he dropped a soft kiss to the side of her head.

Kim closed her eyes letting herself melt into his side breathing in his smell and listening to their daughter talk animatedly to her favourite stuffed toy. Family life was looking really good right about now.

‘I’m serious Kim,’ she heard Adam whisper against her hair. ‘Whatever you want, I’m here for you.’

She smiled and rested her hand on his chest, playing with the buttons on his flannel, ‘I know Adam.’ she sighed contentedly. ‘This is what I want, our family, together.’

‘That makes two of us,’ she heard him respond and felt him place another kiss on the crown of her head.

She pulled back slightly so she could twist and look at him. His features were soft, happy and content, everything she was feeling herself echoed back to her in his face. His eyes which she had seen everyday for the past 5 years in their daughter, the eyes which she could now keep in her life forever. Because she had her family together now and she had no plans on letting it slip away.

Kim pushed forward, sealing her lips to Adams in a soft kiss. They broke apart before either could deepen it further which was good as they had failed to hear the patter of little feet return to the living room.

‘Mommy!’ Annabelle said loudly, Kim spun around quickly to look at her assuming something had happened to cause her to yell like that. But she was met with her little girl’s mouth wide open but the corners turning slightly up in a slight smile. ‘You kissed daddy!’ she said and Kim heard Adam start to laugh from behind her.

‘I did…’ she said tentatively, hiding her smirk. ‘Is that okay?’

‘As long as I still get to kiss daddy,’ she said firmly, and Kim couldn’t help but join Adam in his laughter.

‘I have plenty of kisses to go around,’ Adam said with a huge grin. ‘Come here,’ he said, reaching out to Annabelle with his arm that wasn’t still wrapped around Kim.

Annabelle bounded over, throwing herself into Adam’s lap causing him to groan slightly as her boney elbows connected with his stomach but Kim just smiled as Adam began peppering Annabelle’s face with kisses, the little girl squealing with laughter and wriggling around.

‘Mommy’s turn!’ Annabelle yelled loudly and soon Kim was on the receiving end of a shower of kisses from the two most important people in her life. Her heart felt so full it would burst, she was certain she had never been this happy before in her life.

——————————————————————————

‘Is this the last box Adam?’ Kim called out loudly from where she was unpacking Annabelle’s clothes into the built-in closet in her new bedroom.

So far the move in process had been smooth sailing. Because Adam was already living in the apartment, they were able to take their time moving their things in rather than having to move everything on the same day. Annabelle’s helpfulness was slightly limited, Tommy the turtle was constantly tucked under one arm so she placed things delicately in and out of boxes with her other remaining hand. It was slow going. But today was the final day, they had handed in their keys to the landlord that morning when the final boxes had been loaded into Adam’s jeep and the final pieces of furniture taken down and laid in the back of Kim’s car.

They had decided to sell some of the furniture directly to the new tenants so they didn’t need to worry about taking the king sized bed down from Kim’s bedroom or the large dining room table. But other pieces they had decided to squeeze into Adam’s apartment because Kim couldn’t bear to be parted with them - she had been sitting on that couch when Annabelle said her first words and it was what she held onto taking her first steps, she couldn’t give it away. Adam’s spare room was also unfurnished so they needed to take everything out of Annabelle’s room with them until they could get the new pieces that Adam had promised her.

‘Mommy, daddy says I can get a bed with a slide,’ Annabelle had announced loudly one night. Adam at least had the forethought to look guilty but Kim could see how happy he was that Annabelle was excited about the move.

She knew he had been worried that Annabelle would resent him for it, feel that it was his fault they were being forced to move and not want anything to do with him anymore. His worry couldn’t have been any further from the reality of the little girl’s reaction. She had told anyone she had come across that her and her mommy were moving in with her daddy and her excitement was contagious.

Luckily for Kim they hadn’t come across anyone from the district yet but she knew at some point their little bubble would burst. She wasn’t worried though. They had covered their bases and not started anything before Kim had moved up to Intelligence. Well apart from having a one night stand with some less than stellar contraception 6 years ago, but that was before either was a member of the CPD. They would cross that bridge when they came to it, and they would do it together.

‘There’s one more in the back of the Jeep but I think it’s just the rest of Annabelle’s stuffies,’ Adam called back from the kitchen where he was adding Kim’s utensils to his own more limited collection.

‘I’ll grab it,’ Kim said, returning to the kitchen and looking around the apartment.

It was chaos. There were half unpacked boxes littering every surface, Kim’s couch was shoved in the corner next to Adam’s making an awkward mismatching L shape, Annabelle was sitting on the floor in the middle of the room happily popping the bubbles from the bubble wrap from a nearby box. It was chaos. But it was hers.

‘Penny for them,’ Adam said softly, wrapping his arms around her from behind.

She leant her head against his shoulder.

‘Just never thought we’d end up here,’ Kim said quietly with a smile. ‘But I am so happy we did.’

‘Me too darlin’,’ Adam whispered into her ear, pressing a kiss to it as he did. ‘After I woke up alone that morning in LA, I never thought I’d see you again. Never for the life of me thought I’d find you years later being assigned as my TO with my daughter at home.’ He chuckled lightly. ‘But our family is perfect Kim.’

‘Even in the mess,’ Kim said, gesturing around the room.

‘Even in the mess,’ Adam responded. ‘Whatever comes next, it’s us against the world now.’

‘You don’t have to sleep on the couch tonight,’ Kim said with a smile, allowing more of her body weight to relax into him.

‘What kind of man would I be if I slept in the bed and left you on the couch,’ Adam scoffed and Kim had to giggle.

‘Well I wasn’t suggesting that I slept on the couch either,’ Kim said, patting his arms that were still tight around her waist.

‘Ohh…’ Adam said in realisation. He spun her around so they were face to face and she wrapped her arms around him as well. ‘Are you sure?’ he asked.

She smiled and nodded, ‘positive,’ she whispered as she melded her lips into his, humming quietly as she felt his soft lips against hers.

A moment later, before they had a chance to pull apart, something slammed into their legs.

‘No hug without me,’ Annabelle said with a pout when her parents looked down at her.

‘Family hug,’ Adam said with a grin as he bent down to scoop Annabelle up and pull Kim into a hug with his other arm.

As Kim stood there, her arms tight around Adam and her daughter, she realised everything she had ever hoped, ever wished for, was right within her grasp. She knew it might not be all smooth sailing, hell she had just moved in with a guy after being on one date with a guy. But she smiled to herself as she remembered she had had his baby after one night together too. They were following their own path, it wasn’t the most conventional, it wasn’t the most normal. But it was them. And it was perfect.

#burzek #Chicago pd #one Chicago #Kim burgess #adam ruzek #Kim x Adam #burzek fic #Chicago pd fic #burzek fanfic #burzek fanfiction #chicago pd fanfiction #chicago pd fanfic

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kim-ruzek · 10 months

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Lost in Translation

Part one

Summary: All Adam ever seems to hear is Kim talking about Roman. In Molly’s, in the locker room, when he’s just walking through the district. All he ever hears is Kim making comments about Roman, about their relationship, about all the domestic elements of their life.

And it's killing him.

Or; Obliviousness, a game of telephone and a healthy dose of gossip leads to miscommunication... Miscommunication that just may lead Adam and Kim back together.

Set in S3, post break-up AU.

Word Count: 3k words

Read on AO3

Notes: This fic very much spawned from a cracky idea, so while it may seem angsty (and it is), it is primarily a fic that is rooted in humour. It is also a two part fic, this is part one, as it works better that way. It is also my first (posted) burzek multi-chapter, technically.

I first created this idea back in 2021, so I'm very happy I've finally written it and I hope y'all enjoy! 💖

Adam knew something was up with Kim and Roman.

That something was different, a difference that occurred after his engagement to Kim imploded and Adam isn’t stupid enough to not know that the difference most likely was because of said implosion. He may have been stupid enough to not realise Kim was slipping from his fingertips, that the fighting they had been doing wasn't only a rut, but he’s still a good cop and a good cop notices things.

His mind hadn’t wanted to go there; it rebelled at the very notion. But his eyes kept betraying him, pointing out all the ways they seemed to be closer, all the ways Roman was intruding in Kim’s personal space, and all the ways Kim didn’t seem to mind.

He chose not to dwell on it, or rather he tried, hard, not to—and was mostly successful, except for the dead of night when his bed felt so, so empty without her warmth snuggled beside him and there was no case or alcohol to distract him and occupy his mind with thoughts of literally anything else.

But he knew. He knew.

So when Adam heard that Roman suddenly went on furlough, and that he wouldn’t be coming back, that he had transferred, again, to yet another district, he had been immediately curious. Of course, he wasn’t allowed to ask Kim about it himself, but he could linger around corners and the locker room, acting like he was absorbed in something else, all while he listened to others asking.

All Kim said to anyone—even Kev—was that Roman needed a change of scenery, and she always said it so clipped, so final, making it clear she wasn’t engaging in any gossip. It’s something that would usually leave Adam feel a swell of pride for his girl, being so polite and tactful, but she’s not his girl, and it only made him feel mildly frustrated as he wanted to know why Roman left.

Naturally, Platt was no help either.

With no answers, Adam had made his own. He had decided that whatever was the thing happening between them, whatever that difference was, it had ended, been disconnected. And that was satisfactory enough for Adam—and a little bit of an ego booster, if he was honest.

But then it happened.

Adam was minding his own business in the locker room—for real, this time—getting changed before he headed to Molly’s when he overheard Kim talking to one of the other officers. It’s his fault, really. His ears are still trained to immediately zone in and listen whenever he hears her beautiful voice, even months after she broke his heart.

From context, Adam quickly got that the officer asked if Kim was joining them in Molly’s. Usually, he’d be crushed at her not going, always liking to catch a glimpse of her there even as she steadfastly ignored him. But this time, that’s not what crushed him.

“I can’t,” Kim said. “I have to get home. I’ve got a date planned for cuddles on the couch; Roman is still adjusting to the move,”

Adam’s heart had stopped.

He’s a good cop, but even an idiot could guess what had recently transpired in Kim’s life hearing that. Roman—he was living with Kim.

And Kim was having dates with him.

That’s when Adam realised he had gotten it all wrong; Roman hadn’t transferred because things between them had fizzled—but because he was dating Kim, because he was living with Kim.

Adam didn’t go to Molly’s that night. He still drank, but it was very much drinking to be alone, in the darkness, not amongst his colleagues.

Any hope that Adam had about him misunderstanding what he overheard evaporated only a few nights after. He was in Molly’s, and at some point Kim had turned up to, and when he was grabbing a beer, his ears betrayed him again and he tuned into her saying that “she had to leave,” that “she had a date with her boyfriends, Roman, Ben and Jerry,”

Despite having learnt already that Kim was living with Roman—living with him, when they never even got to live in a place that was theirs together—Adam hadn’t been prepared to hear the first time Kim referred to another man as her boyfriend.

Adam had an early night, too, that night. But his was a lot more miserable than hers was.

Kim had moved on. There was officially no hope for them.

After this, all Adam ever seems to hear is Kim talking about Roman. In Molly’s, in the locker room, when he’s just walking through the district. All he ever hears is Kim making comments about Roman, about their relationship, about all the domestic elements of their life.

And it's killing him.

He’s handing Platt some paperwork about his expenses when he overhears Kim talking with other officers about grabbing lunch. Someone suggests sushi, and Kim immediately groans.

“Ugh, no, pass, please. All I’ve been cooking recently is fish for Roman, and I’m officially sick of the sight of any seafood. Especially with how Roman eats it, I think he’s put me off fish for a lifetime.”

And he’s in the locker room, in the morning, getting ready for work when he hears Kim come in, chatting away with another officer—her replacement for Roman, he thinks, not that he’s been able to ask. Not when she’s avoiding him like he’s got the plague and not when he doesn’t know if he could get through a conversation with her without his heart literally breaking in two.

“And oh my god, the bathroom! I swear I’m having to clean it so much which I know I signed up for but he makes such a mess in there. And he always seem to want to pee right as I’m showering—no matter the time. It’s not even just that, it’s so much hair. You wouldn’t think that Roman would shed that much hair,” Kim sounds so frustrated, and Adam hates how much that hurts him, even though she’s venting about her new boyfriend.

“Typical man,” the other officer says, and the two of them burst out laughing, hard, for a reason that Adam doesn’t quite get. And it’s just another reminder that Kim has jokes now that he’ll never know, that it’s Roman’s privilege now to have that view into Kim’s world.

All these little moments that Adam overhears, they all hurt him. Deep, in an aching kind of way that he never thought he’d feel, a way he never knew was possible, a way that he never experienced when his previous engagements ended.

But the one that hurt him the most was another conversation he overheard in Molly’s. Kim is already in the bar when Adam gets there and if he hadn’t walked in with the rest of the unit, he might’ve been tempted to walk right back out. But he had, so he stayed, instead telling himself that he’ll stay way clear of her—he needs to give his liver a rest, after all.

His one consolation is Kevin, who shoots him an understanding look, clocking Kim as well. Things had been distant between those two, as well; Kevin had felt a bit upset at hearing about Kim and Roman through the district grapevine, and from what Kev had told him, which granted isn’t much, Kim had all but dismissed these feelings when he asked her about it.

If Adam’s honest, it doesn’t sound like something Kim would do, but then he didn’t think dating Roman would be something Kim would do, so what does he know? And he knows Kevin well enough to know his hurt is real.

It probably would’ve been fine, had Adam not needed to go take a piss. He was actually enjoying himself with his unit, so much that for a moment he got wrapped up in the fun he temporarily forgot that Kim is also in the bar. And that in order to get to the toilets, he had to go past where Kim sat.

“Partners... The wrong one can be so detrimental to everything, both personally and professionally.” It is busy in Molly’s, and so Adam was moving carefully, winding through the crowd and is unable to speed up to put as much distance between them as soon as he hears Kim’s voice and he remembers.

“Like my ex partner, he was just so wrong for me. His attitudes, the way he spoke to and about me and how he acted about my role, like I was beneath him? His opinions and wants was the most important and that was that. A partner to be good needs to support you, and help you accomplish what you need to, not dismiss your own dreams, especially your professional ones. But my partner now? Completely perfect for me, and that makes all the difference.”

There are times Adam wishes there is an off switch to his ears, and this is the only time he would be truly glad if that was the case. He couldn’t help listening to Kim speak, despite the noisiness of the bar, despite the obvious signs at the start of the sentence that it could be potentially devastating for him.

He had thought the moment when Kim handed him back her ring would be the most devastating moment of his life.

How very stupid of him indeed.

Adam knew, obviously, that Kim was unhappy with their relationship. She wouldn’t have ended it otherwise. And he knew that he wasn’t always the best—missing the dinner with her mom was a fine example of how he could fuck up. But he hadn’t quite realised that she felt like that, that she thought he was like that.

And suddenly all Adam could do was doubt himself, thinking back on things and wondering is that really how he acted? Is he really such a fuck up that he made Kim feel like he didn’t value her, respect her? That he dismissed her dreams and didn’t support her?

Adam feels sick, and he knows that he’ll be leaving the bar, now, even though just five minutes ago he thought he’d be here at least half an hour longer. That he’ll say goodbye to the team and head home—just as soon as he convinces himself to go back out to the bar, to leave the toilets. It’s a challenge to get his feet moving, standing immobile, unable to bear the thought of walking past Kim again.

He manages to, mostly spurred on by another man entering the toilets and Adam became so aware at how weird he would seem if he just remained frozen on one spot there. He hoped that maybe he wouldn’t hear anymore as he passed by again, but isn’t that lucky.

Even more unluckily, it seems that Kim is once again getting ready to leave the bar and Adam realises that if he just stayed in the toilets for one more minute, he would’ve been free of his hell. But he chose to leave, then, and as a result he gets to hear Kim say another thing that devastates him to his core.

“I’ll see you around. Good luck with everything,” Kim is saying as he draws near. “Now, I’ve got to get back to the love of my life,”

It is really credit to himself, and his dignity—what’s left of it, anyway—that Adam doesn’t fall to the ground right then and there, Kim’s words faltering him in his steps.

It’s not even the words. Well, not only the words.

But it’s how she says it. There’s a hint of humour to her voice, but there’s a certainty. That it’s like she’s just saying any old fact, that it is just the truth, and she’s just stating something so big like it’s something casual—because, in her life, as far as she’s concerned, it is.

The words haunt Adam for the rest of the night, going round and round in his head. He remembers all the times she said those words to him; whispered to him in their dead of night talks, casually said it over breakfast, or at a dinner with Kev. Remembered the time she stared at her ring for the one of the first times, and told him that, told him that she was so happy—happy because the love of her life wanted her just as much she wanted him.

How could it be that only six months after they broke up, that she had moved on so fast? That she had discovered that Adam was just a footnote in her life, and not one who’d have her heart forever?

But, of course, Adam knew how. He heard how from Kim’s mouth that same night; heard how she saw their relationship, saw him, and even though it confuses Adam, because surely, surely he wasn’t that bad, that doesn’t really matter. That’s how she felt during their relationship, and that’s exactly why she left him, exactly why Adam’s not the love of her life anymore, and why Roman is.

Adam had already been trying to stay clear of Kim’s path, out of respect for her wishes as well as preservation for his own heart, but after that night in Molly’s, he really starts avoiding her. If anyone notices, they choose not to comment on it, something which Adam deeply appreciates.

He doesn’t even wonder if Kim notices, knowing that she’s moved on, that he’s probably the person she least wants to think about and knowing that if she does, she’s probably glad—happily living her life with Roman, and glad there’s no lingering ex-fiancé hanging around her.

His avoidance amps up two months later when they hear word of a cop being shot in another district—and that the cop is Roman. There’s nothing Adam wants even less then seeing a distraught looking Kim, knowing that it will be because of her new partner, her new boyfriend, knowing that she’d be hurting over a man who gets to love her in the way he so, so wishes he still was allowed to.

Adam thinks the sight of it might actually be what kills him.

This includes not going to Molly’s, not wanting to run into her, not wanting to have to say his sympathies—or having to be the kind of man who can’t get past his own feelings to even choke out the words—and rather, not wanting to go and not see her and knowing it’s because she’s at his bedside.

And nothing makes cops group together like the one, big family they are like an officer getting injured and Adam heard words of everyone going to Molly’s because of the shooting and he knew he isn’t strong enough for that.

So Adam doesn’t go to Molly’s, and when he has some days off a week or so after the shooting, Adam stays in his apartment the entire time, even if before he would’ve spent the time catching up with people he hadn’t seen in a while.

No, for now, all the friends Adam needs is alcohol and takeout.

He’s half way through the Chinese he had ordered when there’s a knock on his apartment door. It confuses him for a second, looking down at his food, food that had already arrived and so didn’t need delivering but he shrugs it off and goes to the door anyway.

Kim repeatedly got on his case about his surprising lack of awareness depending he’s a cop, that he never questions why his door knocks, and about how he never ‘practiced safety’ by opening the door without checking the peep hole and this comes to his mind, now. Just like it had ever since she left him, his ears missing her voice repeating the same words she always did despite him never listening, and he had gotten into the habit of checking.

(There’s a part of him that wonders, if he did that more when they were still together, maybe she’d still be his).

But Adam’s feeling particularly irritable today, at the whole situation, at the aching emptiness in his heart that still remains despite the fact it’s been months, despite the fact that they’ve been split for as long as their engagement was now, despite the fact that Kim hasn’t given him a second fucking thought, despite the fact that she’s with another man.

So why the hell should he still be listening to her voice in his head?

Adam opens the door, pushing that voice into a box in his head. Because of it, he thinks he must’ve opened the door a little too forcefully, as Kim looks startled as he does so.

Wait, he thinks. Kim?

For the first time in months, Kim is standing at his door. It’s what he’s been dreaming of ever since she walked out on him, and he had came back to his apartment and every bit of her was scrubbed from it. Even just a few weeks ago, had she turned up, for whatever reason, Adam would’ve been immediately softened at her appearance.

Not today. Today, Adam feels irritable.

“What do you want?” He snaps at her. He doesn’t mean for it to come out just so harsh standing but it’s been months of no contact and now she’s standing here for god knows what reason and all Adam wants to do is finish his dinner.

Kim looks a little taken back by his tone, which should’ve annoyed him more, especially considering it’s reasonable to assume he wouldn’t exactly be all sunshine and roses at her presence, especially since he’s in a mood, but it makes him feel guilty, bad that he’s caused that reaction in her.

This woman is going to be the death of him, he thinks.

Still, Kim isn’t deterred by his tone because of course she isn’t, because she’s Kim, and Kim is a strong and determined woman who never backs down from what she wants to do.

“I think there’s been a misunderstanding.” She says, and Adam almost wants to laugh. What possible misunderstanding could there have been—what, did she not actually break up with him, didn’t actually break his heart?

“Meet Roman,” At that, Kim holds up something and Adam realises this whole time there’s been something in her arms, and a pet cage at her feet that he didn’t see. (Yeah, he’s a great cop).

“My cat.” She finishes.

Oh.

#ree.writes #burzek #chicago pd #adam ruzek #kim burgess #chicago pd fanfiction #burzek fic #kim burgess x adam ruzek #cíara tag #<- bc this fic never would've taken a coherent form without them #ree's.writing

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fighterkimburgess · 2 years

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Good At This

Summary: Adam Ruzek has the girl, and a daughter. His worries about not being enough are mostly in the past. But when he comes out for breakfast and sees his daughter wearing the one piece of his mentor he has left, he and Kim get to share parts of the man who helped them become who they are with her. With thanks to @sylvies-chen because this is so much from Abby.

Words: 1.9k

Warnings: Bob Ruzek’s A+ Parenting, mentions of a not-so-great childhood

—

Living in his childhood home again was a lot easier than Adam had ever expected. He’d thought that it would be tough to be faced with the memories of his parents marriage breaking down, of his stepmom moving in - and moving out with yelling. Of finding his dad’s blood pooled on the floor there. Seeing that every morning might kill him, but it was worth it to keep their daughter safe and happy.

But instead of all of that it was a home, his old swing set in the back yard getting fixed whenever he had a few spare hours so Mack could attempt to do a loop the loop. He tripped over her toys in the living room, reminding her with a look and soft words to pick them up. There were nights where he sat on the couch with a bowl of popcorn between he and Kim as they watched her put on a new show for them.

Adam was getting to raise his daughter to be happy and healthy, giving her the new, wonderful memories that he’d always wanted. Replacing the ones of shouting parents he had with joy and laughter when they went over old photos from his childhood and she chuckled at how he looked as a baby. When she finally met Sammy, all two years her older and they played soccer in the back yard in the goals he and Kate had played in. His name was going on her new birth certificate, the agreement he and Kim had come to - after Mack had final approval - that she’d be a Burgess but he got to be her legal father. How could he ever complain about that?

And then at night, in the bed they’d brought from Kim’s old apartment, he got to curl up with her in his arms. She was the last face he saw at night and usually the first he saw in the morning. It was work - a lot of hard work - but he got to be a dad and love Kim and be loved by her and Mack so he was delighted to do it.

Thankfully this Saturday was their DO, and he had plans to finish reinforcing the woodwork on the swings, the two by fours waiting in the shed for him. Once that was done it was a couple of coats of wood varnish and the set was ready for Mack to start playing on. She’d already talked to them about asking a girl from her class to come over after school, and he wanted to make sure it was ready for her first official play date. Adam finished dressing in clothes he didn’t mind getting dirty, coming out and down the steps to the scent of pancakes when he stopped dead on the last step to watch Kim and Mack. There were three plates ready on the table, but Makayla was wearing an oh too familiar grey and brown flannel. It swamped her tiny frame, the shoulders reaching down nearly to her elbows, despite her recent growth spurt.

”Hey Kim?” His voice was slightly strangled as his girlfriend - the word never failing to make him smile - turned to him. “Where’d you get that shirt for Mack?”

”Laundry. It looked clean enough, someone spilled syrup on herself. Is it ok?” Kim ran her hands over their daughter’s hair and Adam just smiled, blinking back his emotions.

”Yeah. It was Al’s.”

“I didn’t…” She trailed off and came over to hug him, the pressure firm between the two. His fourth anniversary had come and gone, and it would soon reach the point where he was gone for longer than he’d been in Adam’s life. That he was gone too soon still hurt so much.

”Who’s Al?” It was Mack who interrupted his thoughts, calling over to them as she pulled the two long sleeves up to reveal her hands. The pancakes on her plate were in the middle of a syrup lake, the sticky sauce dripping onto the table. When he was a kid that would have led to yelling from his dad, the kind that made him afraid to say or do anything for the rest of the day. Instead he and Kim wiped up the mess and put some paper towels down before sitting down. It was syrup, it could be cleaned. His daughter’s happiness was more important.

”He…” Kim trailed off and Adam looked at her, his foot hooking around her ankle for comfort. How did he explain who Al had been to them? How did he say it without talking about the danger they’d been in that Al had helped with?

”We used to work with him. He was a good cop, and he helped me get my head out of my ass about Kim. I’ll show you a photo when we finish breakfast, ok?”

It was jokes during the meal, Makayla insisting that she hadn’t poured too much sugar on her breakfast. Even Kim laughed at her antics as the sugar rush set in, giving Adam a syrup sweet kiss. He pulled up a photo of Al on his phone to show Mack, the seven year old nodding seriously as he did before disappearing to her room to read.

The thoughts of Al were in the back of his mind all day, but it was the kind of warm summer day that he could get his chore list done. The final nails went into the swings, a first coat of varnish on so Mack could get on them in a couple of days. While he was out in the sun he got the lawnmower out to trim the grass that had sprouted up high in the last week. Kim had started a veggie patch in the corner of the garden that was flourishing, bright yellow flowers turning to tomatoes, peppers, and beans. Once he finished mowing it got added to the compost pile and he laughed at just how domestic his life had become. And he wouldn’t change a single thing about it.

Their Saturday night routine involved getting either Chinese food or pizza and watching a movie, the three of them eating from the couch. That evening it was deep dish and the AC blew towards them to make the high temperatures a little more bearable. He’d watched Moana more in the last year than he ever thought he’d have watched it in his life, but this was his life and it was pretty much perfect. There was nearly nothing he’d change in it, his daughter and his girl in his arms.

“Adam? Can you tell me about Al?” Mack was quiet between them as the movie ended, looking up at him. She’d changed into pjs after her shower, curled up between the two.

“What do you want to know?” Kim was also quiet beside him, the two waiting to go with what their daughter wanted.

“Just about him. You looked sad earlier. Do you miss him?”

“Yeah, I do. I miss him a lot.” He swallowed, Kim squeezing his arm in comfort before he spoke. “Al’s the guy who helped me start working in Intelligence. If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have met Kim, and we wouldn’t have been there that day when we found you. Wanna know one of the first times I hung out with him?”

“Yeah!” The thoughts of another movie were abandoned as a little girl stared up at him with love and wide eyes.

“It was a couple of weeks after I started, and I didn’t know if I was doing a good job. You know when you’re not sure, but you’re afraid to ask in case you’re not doing good?” She nodded, curling in against him more. “It was like that. But I was out with Al and a friend, and my friend asked Al how I was doing in work. He said I was better than he was when he started being a cop. That meant a lot.”

“You made me feel safe when you found me.” She never really talked about that day with them, more giving oblique references to her life before with her Mommy rather than talking about it. “I was scared but you looked after me. You make me safe.”

“That’s what we’re here for, kiddo. Always gonna do that. And now, it’s bedtime. Who do you want a story from?”

“Both of you?”

They knew that soon she’d be too old to get a bedtime story, that at seven and three quarters most kids would have stopped by now. But while Makayla asked them for a story they would gladly give it to get to spend more time with their girl.

She crawled into the middle of the bed, Adam on one side and Kim on the other as Kim pulled out the Ramona Quimby book they were on. Before she could start Makayla took her hand, closing the book.

“Will you tell me one of your stories about Al?”

“Yeah…sure…” It was clear to him that Kim wasn’t sure what to choose, but she swallowed and nodded, the three curled up in their little bubble.

“A couple of years ago my sister was sick, so I had to take time off work to help her out. She’s fine now, but she needed me then. It was my first day back and it was a tough case, and a man came up to ask what we were doing about it. He called me some names, acting like I didn’t know what I was doing—“

“But you’re a good cop!” Mack interjected, making Kim smile and Adam laugh.

“Kim is the best cop, Mack. The best. Trust me.” He waggled his eyebrows to make his girls giggle, Kim shushing him so she could continue.

“Well I know that now. But sometimes when you come back to something after being away for a while you think you’re wrong, that you can’t do the thing. That’s how I was feeling. But Al stuck up for me, he made sure I knew just how good a cop I am and how good I am at helping people. It’s part of why I’m still one.” Their daughter’s smile was luminous, snuggling under the sheet she used in the heat.

“He sounds good. I wish I got to meet him.”

“So do I,” Adam murmured, kissing her forehead and helping tuck her in. Her platypus was tucked under her arm by Kim before she kissed their daughter goodnight, the nightlight going on as they took one last look behind them before closing the door.

“Beer?” Kim asked, Adam nodding immediately. She pulled out a pilsner and passed it over, the two sitting on the couch with the popcorn abandoned, tv automatically switched off.

“I think he’d be proud of us, y’know?” Adam began, taking a long drink before continuing. “Communicating, raising a kid together, in a relationship? He kept telling me we needed to get our shit together, that he knew we were meant for each other.”

“He never said that to me.” Kim was quiet, staring at her bottle. “For so long I thought he didn’t like me. I thought he’d hate us back together.”

“He loved you like his own, Kim. I went to his grave when you told me about the baby, asked him for advice. I asked him to look after them after we lost them.”

It was a comfortable silence, each taking sips for a few moments before Kim broke it.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For not giving up on us.”

Burzek Taglist: @aruzlover @morganupstead @adamruz @fullwattpadmusictree @redpoodlern @everythingaddictxx @write4life13 @jeanjacketjesus @tuxieboy101-blog @thelittlepterophyllum @planecrazylex @sophiatellerrhodes @ossypooh @kimburgess-ruzek @thestarrynightslover @reidskitty13 @etamne @torreshalstead @itsnotpersonalbut @kellykidd @dedlund82 @pinkwhitebrown @mmacke3613 @upsteadlovingheart @ittybitty-tittycommittee @takemetooneverlanddd @oracle23 @thedefinitionofendgame @burzekwater @butterflylies @afriendlyneighborhoodhufflepuff @withakindheartx @bebataylor84 @whoiamwhoistrivetobe @multicouple-lover @keenmarvellover

#burzek #adam ruzek #kim burgess #burzek fic #dailyburzek #Chicago pd #adam ruzek x kim burgess #kim burgess x adam ruzek #adam x kim #kim x adam #makayla ward burgess

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deanstead · 2 years

Text

Power Out

Pairing: Adam Ruzek x Kim Burgess

Requested: yes, by @adamruz

Summary: When the power goes out after she puts Makayla to bed, Kim gets wary for what might come through her front door.

Word Count: 711

Warnings: canon-typical mentions of guns, some anxiety

A/N: Hi Lexi, as usual you know I'm not confident about my Burzek writings but I hope you like it!

BURZEK MASTERLIST

Kim had just poured herself a drink, and was about to sink into a chair when the lights blinked out.

Normally, she’d have rolled her eyes but ever since the time Makayla had been taken from right under their nose, along with the kind of cases that they’d been handling recently, Kim’s guard was up.

Of all days, Adam had stayed back today to finish up some paperwork from their case that day so Kim could come back in time to tuck Mack in and considering the time, she wasn't sure if he was coming over to see Mack tonight.

Just as Kim was about to talk herself down from thinking the worst and going down to check on the electricity box, she heard a noise at the front door.

Kim frowned but headed straight for the child-proof drawer where she and Adam kept their guns when they were here with Mack, holding her gun by her side now as she continued listening.

You can never be too safe.

It wasn’t helpful that they’d just been on a case where the perps cut the electricity of each house they hit. Kim argued with herself in her head, reminding herself that they'd closed that case already, before she moved towards the front door. It was only the confidence that Mack was sound asleep upstairs that allowed Kim to raise her gun higher towards the front door, as the knob rattled.

Kim took a deep breath as the person on the other end of the door rattled the door harder, before pushing it open roughly.

“Woah.”

Kim blinked.

“Kim, it’s me.” Adam held his hands out in front of him. “What’s…”

Kim frowned. “Adam?”

She exhaled, realizing that she’d been holding her breath the whole time. Until she realized she was still pointing her gun at Adam.

Adam reached forward now, pushing the gun downwards and gently lifting it out of her hands.

“Mack’s asleep? The whole street's out, I just wanted to check in on the both of you.” Adam asked, his eyes unconsciously wandering deeper into the house before he looked back at Kim.

Kim nodded, letting out a dry laugh. “Sorry.”

Adam just smiled, patting the back of Kim’s head tenderly, like a habit. Kim glanced up at Adam, who returned her a small smile before he retracted his hand.

Using the light from his phone, Adam reached for a candle in one of the drawers and set it in the middle of the table, before moving to keep the guns away.

“We need to fix that door.” He commented, glancing backwards at Kim who’d been quiet. “You okay?”

Kim looked up at Adam and then nodded. Maybe it was the relief that it had been Adam who’d come through that door, maybe it was just being in the darkened living room that was lit only by the one candle Adam had found, but whatever it was, this time Kim was following her heart as she leaned forward and put her arms around Adam’s waist, laying her head on his chest.

Adam froze, surprised but Kim didn’t move away.

Adam’s lips turned up into a smile and he put his arms around Kim too.

Kim smiled now, her face still pressed in Adam’s embrace. “Thank you.” She whispered.

Adam’s eyebrows lifted a little, just as Kim pulled away just a little. “I just came to check on you guys and…”

He was interrupted by the lights flickering on again. Adam headed to the window, opening the curtains just a little to peer out at the street lights that were flickering back on as well as a few lighted windows from the neighboring houses.

“I’ll just look in on her and then I’ll get out of your hair.” Adam told Kim.

On impulse, Kim reached out for Adam’s hand. “Adam.”

Adam glanced back at her.

“Stay.”

Adam raised an eyebrow. “Kim, are you sure? You…”

Kim nodded, her grip tightening a little around Adam’s hand. “Like you said, we still have a lot to work through. But tonight, I think you should stay. I want you to stay.”

Adam let out a smile and squeezed Kim’s hand back.

It wasn’t much, but it felt like a step in the right direction.

THANK YOU FOR READING!! PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF THIS!!

If you want to support me, buy me a coffee!

Character taglist is open here

#resa.fics #resanoona request #lexi tag #burzek #adam ruzek x kim burgess #adam x kim #burzek oneshot #burzek imagine #burzek fanfic #burzek fic #ruzek x burgess

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burzek · 1 year

Link

FANDOM: Chicago PD

PAIRING(S)/RELATIONSHIP(S): Kim Burgess/Adam Ruzek

CHARACTERS: Kim Burgess, Adam Ruzek

ADDITIONAL TAGS: Post-10x17, Morning After (sorta)

STATUS: Complete, One-Shot

WORD COUNT: 1,114

LINKS: AO3 / FFNET

SUMMARY:

"I can't go back from this. We can't."

The morning after, or... minutes after 10x17.

#burzek #burzek fic #kim burgess #adam ruzek #chicago pd #chicago pd fic #mywriting

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thestarrynightslover · 28 days

Text

Maybe We Could Do It Again

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Word count: 4,632

Warnings: bickering and fluff.

Summary: Jay meets the Reader as they’re both babysitting Makayla for Adam and Kim and they end up tangled up on the ground and kissing.

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the One Chicago shows, or its characters, also not associated with it in any way, or know anyone involved with it.

A/N: Okay, so this is one of the longest fics I’ve written, which might be a little too long but I hope you guys like it and feel free to send feedback! By the way, this is the first time I insert Burzek in one of my fics but I think I got their energy right ;)

(y/n) = (your name) (y/l/n) = (your last name) (y/n/n) = (your nickname)

| masterlist |

“Oh my God, Adam! I can’t believe that even when you’re not supposed to do something you get it wrong!” Kim yelled at her boyfriend.

“What the hell-” He even tried to respond but got immediately interrupted for his bad language.

“Adam!” She hissed again, not believing how he could still curse so much now that the two of them had a child in the house.

“Sorry, sorry!” He said, nervously raising his hands, as Kim already peeked through the kitchen doors to see Jay and Makayla pretend like they hadn’t been listening to every word of their conversation in the living room. “It’s just… I remember you specifically telling me to find someone to babysit the kid, so I did it! How is it possible that I’m the one who-”

“Yes! I did ask you two to do that! On Monday! And do you remember what you told me?” He didn’t dare to say anything. “Oh, no? Because I do! I remember you saying, and I quote:” she said, even making finger quotes to emphasize the whole thing, “‘Where the hell am I supposed to find a babysitter for Makayla? None of my friends have any experience with kids!’” Kim shoved it in his face, making a very good point for herself. But, as usual, Adam decided to go against any sign of good judgment and continue to defend himself. He knew he could never let Kim in on it, but Jay himself was one of those who had already heard the officer saying how much he loved bickering with his girlfriend and getting her all fired up against him.

“No, uh! That won’t cut it! You told me, and I quote: ‘Then hire someone! I don’t know! But you’re the one who came up with the date night idea, so don’t come and throw something that should be your responsibility on my shoulders!’, so I knew that I needed to find someone! Kev and Vanessa are visiting his siblings this weekend, so I thought: why not Jay? He’s good with kids, and he offered to help us with Makayla!” Adam concluded, absolutely proud of himself while Kim just rolled her eyes.

“Oh. My. God!!! You do know he didn’t mean that literally, don’t you?” She was already fuming by that point.

“Err-” He had to admit that he’d never stopped to think about that possibility…

“No one means that literally!!” She shouted, this time, making even the neighbors hear their arguing. “No one means that literally, and, now, you’re just making us both look like the cops who can’t take care of their own kid in front of the entire unit.” She stated, in a lower, tone while pinching the bridge of her nose.

“But this is not the entire unit! This is Jay! Our friend Jay, who had offered!” Adam stood by that argument and Kim had already opened her mouth to shoot a remark back when Jay came into the kitchen.

“Makayla’s distracted with the tv.” He started with that so that they wouldn’t be worried. “Uh... Guys, Kim, you don’t have to worry about me telling anyone about this, okay? I won’t. Besides, I did mean what I said before. I’m here to help. Whatever you guys need. Plus, for someone who had plans of watching a game rerun alone at home on a Friday night, babysitting that cute little girl is almost like hitting a jackpot!” Jay assured, giving them a small smile and shiny eyes headed towards Makayla’s direction. Babysitting a kid, when he was probably never gonna have one of his own, was one of the things that he, personally, missed the most about when Will and Natalie were together. Back when Lindsay lived in Chicago, he used to be sure that, someday, he was gonna find someone. Settle down. Build a family. But, now… After everything that had happened, he couldn’t help but feel like his time to do all that had run out. So, instead of mooning over it, he could gladly babysit Makayla.

“Well, um, thank you, Jay,” Kim started, nervously tucking a string of hair behind her ear, “that’s really nice to hear. And we very much appreciate it. But-” She didn’t get a chance to finish as the doorbell rang and Adam rushed towards the apartment’s entrance to prevent his very excited little girl from opening the door by herself. When he got there, followed by the other two adults, Makayla was already standing on her tiptoes, hand-in-handle.

“Hey! Watcha doing, you little adventurous?!” Adam asked while picking her up from the floor and tickling her sides, which made her become a giggling mess. “You can’t just open the door like that, darlin’! You gotta check on the peephole first,” he said, as he lifted her up enough so that she could look through the hole, “like this. See someone?”

“Yes! It’s (y/n/n)!” She squealed out. “Can we open the door now? Please, Adam?” Makayla asked, shooting him pleading eyes, while her body buzzed with happiness.

“Ah, (y/n/n), right,” Adam said simply, opening the door and fearing that Kim would want to restart the whole discussion with him.

“Hey, princess!” And that simple greeting was all it took for Makayla to throw herself from Adam’s arms straight to yours. “Wow,” you laughed at her sudden movement, which had caused you to lose your balance a little, “you excited to see me?”

“Yes!! Did you bring the bakings???” She asked you eagerly, bakings being what she called your cooking utensils.

“No, not today!” Your answer made her face, almost immediately, turn into a sad frown. “But I brought this!” You told her while lifting up a box that read ‘karaoke set’, above a few drawings of a microphone and musical notes. Seeing that, Makayla’s saddened expression shifted in two seconds, eyes lighting up.

“Look, Kim!” The little girl shrieked, more than ready to have what she already knew was about to be the time of her life.

“Yeah, I see that! Seems like you girls are gonna have a blast…” Your friend weirdly trailed off, as her mind tried to find a quick solution to the mess her boyfriend had made.

“Uh…” Was all that a very handsome man you hadn’t met yet managed to let out.

“Jay, um, this is my best friend (y/n). (y/n/n), this is our friend from work Jay. I’m sorry about the mess, guys, it’s Adam’s fault.” Kim spoke again, bluntly accusing her boyfriend.

“My fault??? Are you kidding??? You told me to find someone to watch Makayla 'cause you didn’t want us to keep bothering (y/n)!”

“Guys! It’s no bother at all, really. Hanging out with this little princess is in my best interest, believe me!” You said, quickly defending your case.

“Well, thanks for saying that, (y/n/n). What happened here is that Adam told me he wouldn’t be able to get anyone,” Kim started while shooting daggers into her boyfriend with her bare eyes. “So, since I wasn’t about to just wait for a miracle, I called and asked you to do it. But someone didn’t think about telling me that he had already gotten Jay to come. And now you’re both here, ugh!” She finished, rather dramatically, while pointing a finger at Adam.

That was, seriously, the best couple you knew when it came to bickering.

“Okay, so, um, it’s not gonna be any trouble. I can leave since your colleague got here first and you don’t need to be stressed on your date night, friend.” You tried to bring things to a peaceful ending before Kim turned it into a murder scene.

“Oh, I do need to be stressed! I need to-” She started to debate but got cut off by Makayla’s cute pleading voice:

“But you can’t leave, (y/n/n)! We’re gonna play karaoke!” The little girl clearly had already gotten worked up by your idea for the night.

“Makayla, baby, please don’t be difficult. You hang out with (y/n/n) all the time, and uncle Jay is already here…” You watched as Adam tried to reason with his daughter while she held you really tight.

“No, uh…” Their friend started to say. Was it too weird for you to be thinking about how incredibly cute he looked when scratching the back of his neck like that? “Relax, man, I can go. I bet that you’re gonna have a lot more fun with her than with me, anyways, Mak.” He completed, talking to your little friend with a sweet smile, to which she reacted with a confused frown.

“But- but why does Jay have to leave? Can’t he play karaoke with us, (y/n/n)?” Makayla asked you poutingly.

“Now that’s something I’d like to see!” Adam started to mock but stopped when Kim punched him in the arm. “Ouch! That hurt, you know?”

“I know! That was exactly the result I was hoping for!” She squealed out sarcastically, “Makayla, honey, you can’t just ask both (y/n/n) and Jay to play karaoke, of all things, with you.” It was lovely to watch Kim interacting so patiently with her kid but the young girl still didn’t seem to understand.

“But why???”

“Well, they don’t know each other, Makayla.” Kim tried again but Mak still wasn’t ready to give it up.

“But they know me!”

“Good luck explaining now, ma.” As soon as the words came out of his mouth, all of you 𑁋 Adam himself included 𑁋 knew what was coming, fortunately, Kim just punched him in the arm again.

“You know, guys, you don’t need to fight over something like this, okay? Uh… Since he’s your coworker, I’m gonna assume that he’s one of the good guys, therefore I wouldn’t really have a problem with hanging out with him…” You said because you were never one to say no to little kids. “I mean if that’s okay with you, too, officer…”

“It’s detective, actually. But you can call me Jay, uh, (y/n), right?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“Well, I don’t have any problems with hanging out with you either,” Jay said and, Jesus, was that really his smile? “I mean, Mak should get all the babysitters she wants!” He told her with a wink. It was official. You were so done for the night.

“Ha!” Kim nervously let out a laugh, “let’s go easy there, cowboy! You can’t just come into my house offering the kid everything she wants.”

“Okay, okay,” the detective started to say with a gesture of surrender while the couple started to get out of the house to give you the space to properly go in. “Sorry ‘bout that, ma!” You could have sworn that you saw him tremble 𑁋 just a little 𑁋 under the deadly gaze your friend sent his way. Adam, who seemed to be off the hook for the first time that night, took the moment to laugh and hope that his girl would forget she had been so mad at him.

“C’mon, darling. Let’s get going before we decide it isn’t very safe to leave Mak with those two.”

"Yeah… I'm already deciding that but maybe they'll prove us wrong." Kim said, voice absolutely faithless. "You behave, Makayla!"

"It's more than obvious that she's going to be the best tonight. Get outta here already!" You heard Jay yelling a little in response to her, as you and Makayla started to get the karaoke set up.

But you, being the lucky person you were, obviously couldn't find your way around your friend's old stuff.

"Uh, you need any help there?"

“No! No, not all! Um, I got this!” You quickly responded because you could be pretty skeptical when it came to admitting your weaknesses and, from your point of view, not getting a simple karaoke set to work was a huge one.

“Alright, then…”

“Are you sure you don’t want Jay to help, (y/n/n)?” Mak asked, sounding way more reasonable than you, the actual adult there.

“Um, err, I guess maybe I could use some help… It’s just that this TV setup is quite different from mine…” You said, still unwilling to let how confused you were really show.

“Yeah, I can help!” you heard Jay as he left his spot in the corner of the room. “I was just ordering us pizza but I can totally help out 'cause Adam and I actually shopped for these TVs together, so I have the same one!” He said, this time, already gently getting the device from your hands before you could even react, which was probably him sensing that you wouldn’t give it up so easily, like he could see right through you.

“Okay, well, since you already ordered the pizza, I’ll go make us some juice.” As you said that you got both of your companions making weird faces at you, so you amended: “Or not, because you already ordered soda too… Just keep in mind that if Kim gets mad because of all the junk food that kid is eating, I’m telling on you, detective!” You said, making a point to stare right into his eyes 𑁋 God, they were so beautiful, was there nothing but beauty in this man’s body?

“Okay, so I think we’re all good here with the karaoke! Who wants to go first?” Hearing that you came of your very dangerous thoughts and Makayla jumped up and down, screaming:

“Me! Me! Me!”

“Alright, little lady, then come pick a song!” Jay told her and stood by to help her with her choice.

About three hours later all three of you had already sung your hearts out 𑁋 Jay having had gone for ABBA, which surprised you and Mak, to say the least 𑁋 eaten lots of pizza, drunk lots of soda and had begun watching a movie, cause you told Jay that that always did the trick when it came to Mak falling asleep. But, God, it was hard to pay attention to the movie you were supposed to be watching when sitting next to a guy like that. And he wasn’t just really handsome. He was sweet and kind and funny. Also, he was so good with Makayla. It was like everything you’d always imagined the perfect man being like was right there, reunited in the detective’s goof self. But you couldn't be thinking those thoughts about him. Not when he was so close. And definitely not when your best friend's daughter was lying on both of your laps.

So, in order to calm your thoughts for a minute, you gently put Makayla’s head on a cushion as you got up 𑁋 because she was already asleep 𑁋, and said I’m gonna get started on cleaning over there.” It was indeed necessary since Mak had dropped all of the content of a big ice cream container near the dining table, the ice cream being very sticky and sort of liquid 𑁋 which was obviously beyond your understanding but who were you to judge Kim and her preferences?

"Oh God, lemme help you!" You heard Jay saying, as he quickly made his way from the corridor over to where you were cleaning the floor, by the dining table.

"Ah, there's no need for it. I'm used to spending time with Mak, and, then, cleaning up before Kim sees it." You told him with a sly smile.

"Ha! Well, I don't doubt it! You're really good with her."

"And she's really good at making giant messes."

"Right." He said, chuckling lightly. "But, this time, I bet you felt like there were two kids, huh?"

"Your words, not mine, detective."

"Anyways, I'll help. Don't tell Kim and Adam, cause they might spread it across the district, but I'm actually pretty good at cleaning. Especially, when compared to someone who's doing such a lousy job." At that, you instantly snapped your head in his direction.

"What did you just say?" You asked, pretending to be mad while standing up and raising your sponge, as if it was a weapon you were threatening him with.

"Uh… Uh, d- did you know that pulling a weapon on a cop is a crime?" He asked, trying to play along, but stuttering a little.

"And what are you gonna do?" Now that Makayla was asleep… "Huh? Arrest me?" Jesus Christ, you definitely weren't thinking straight, you thought as you watched Jay drop his mop, also spilling all the soapy water on the floor. He even motioned to take care of it but stopped when he realized that you were, now, standing closer. Closer than it was safe for him to be near a woman like you. So he decided to take a step backward, not remembering the floor situation and slipping. As a reflex, you grabbed his shirt when you were obviously not gonna be able to prevent him from falling.

So, you ended up falling with him. On top of him. Oh God, was that living room always so hot? Your thoughts were cut off by Jay's laugh, it was an open-mouthed laugh, just like when you two were interacting with Makayla. He didn't seem to be the kind of guy who got to laugh too much, especially given his job. But it definitely suited his features. His smile, that bright, was so beautiful.

"So you're seriously not even gonna try and get up? Just gonna stay there staring?" Hearing that, you blushed instantly, because you hadn't even realized you were staring.

"Ah, uh… Right." Now, that was your turn to stutter, and Jay was loving every second of it. He thought you looked absolutely adorable like that. Even more so than you had looked all night.

But you weren't feeling adorable at all. You were embarrassed. By the situation at hand, sure, but, also, by your entire behavior that had, pretty much, gotten the two of you in that position. What was going through your head? The answer was simple: nothing. Or, better yet, Jay's gorgeous face, body, and behavior. Just, Jay being gorgeous all night. Now, what really made you wanna dig a hole and jump right into it was when you tried to get up but the floor was so slippery that you just fell back on him.

Needless to say, he was having a playfield. Laughing like there was no tomorrow. In fact, he had relaxed completely under you, laying his head on the soaked floor.

"You know what? This is pretty comfortable. I think I'll stay right here." It was official: you had no self-shame.

"Are you serious?" He asked, trying hard to hold back from laughing.

"Look, I don't know what else to do, okay? And my brain is clearly affected by your little charm, because I just keep mortifying myself over and over-"

"So you think I'm charming, huh?" Damn it. A thousand times damn it.

"Uh… That's not exactly what I-" You couldn't finish your sentence, as Jay started pulling you even closer to him. Kissing you. Oh boy, how he kissed you…

"Oh. My. God." Both you and Jay jumped away from each other, as much as you could, the second you heard Kim say that, her being followed suit by Adam:

"What the hell is that?!?" He half-asked, half-barked at the both of you, trying hard to not burst into laughter.

"Uh, it's, um, it's not what you're thinking, guys-"

"It's not what I'm thinking?!?" Yeah… It was safe to say that Kim was pissed. "Are you sure it isn't? Because the image actually seemed pretty self-explanatory to me!" As the both of you just kept working out a way to get up from the floor, she continued: "I come back home thinking that everything was gonna be perfect because my daughter had two adults babysitting her! People that I thought were quite responsible but, then, I come home to find those very adults making out on the floor in my living room! My very dirty living room! And, by the way, where the hell is Makayla?"

"She, um, she's in her bedroom. Asleep." Jay finally spoke. "And, about the mess… We were just, uh…"

"Yeah, man, we saw what you were just doing," Adam said, looking like he was having the time of his life.

"No! That's not what he was gonna say-"

"Ah, so the two of you got along so well that now you even know what he was going to say, (y/n)?" Kim said, while glaring at you.

"All I meant was that, well, the place got a little dirty…" Jay started to explain but not fast enough.

"A little???" Kim was really, really mad, you realized.

"But dinner was great!" At that, both you and Kim just stared at him incredulously while Adam started laughing on his way to the kitchen.

"That's what you were going to say???" You ask him, not believing you'd just tried to defend him for some joke. "Kim, I'm sorry things ended up this unfruitful…" You began to tell your best friend, to try and patch things up, when Adam chipped in from the other room.

"You know, darling, Jay wasn't wrong! This pizza is great!" He barked, mouth full. And that's what got Kim to go over the edge.

"Don't you realize what just happened here, Adam??? And, you two! I still haven't heard an explanation on what the hell I just saw!"

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry! We were cleaning up and then it just-"

"It just what, (y/n)??? It just happened? That what you were gonna say?"

"As a matter of fact, yes, it is! It just happened because you and your boyfriend made me babysit with this ridiculously hot guy and I'm human! Now, before you have another crisis, Makayla didn't see anything and I'm leaving because I just humiliated myself more than enough for a lifetime!" With that said, and your flight or flee instinct activated — cause you were never much of a fighter —, you did the smartest thing possible and stormed out of there, hoping to be able to get into some sort of protection program for embarrassment victims.

Meanwhile, Adam and Kim simply had to laugh, even more so when they noticed Jay's shocked twinkling expression.

"Jay! What is wrong with you?" Kim asked, taking him out of his daze.

"What?"

"Go after her! If I hadn't been so upset about the circumstances, I would've been the first one to say that what happened over there?" She asked, pointing to the floor. "What happened there was hot." The officer finished her trail of thought bluntly, as if it was the most obvious thing.

"But… What about your living room?" Jay asked, still unsure of what to do.

"Are you kidding me? Look, Halstead, if you promise not to break her heart… I won't hold it against you." Kim stated, making her stance on the whole matter very clear. She thought it was a good way to start apologizing to you after freaking out like that.

"Uh, uh, alright!" The detective rambled, looking like he had no idea of what to do next.

“Go!” With that last push, he left his friends’ house to go try and get the girl.

“You know, this is quite a mess but they do have the potential to be a great couple!” Adam happily pointed out, as he kept eating all he could find.

“Ha! If she’s as lucky as I am…” Kim ironically muttered, as she watched her boyfriend impolitely shoving food in his mouth.

“Then she’s a very lucky lady!” He confidently stated with a grin while all Kim could do was laugh at his messy childish ways.

Outside burzek's apartment — burzek being the ship name you used to tease Kim and Adam with —, you had been slowly walking towards the subway. You wanted to move faster but your mind was too full at the moment. And, sometimes, when you needed to get your head back on straight, you couldn't really do anything else, having a hard time concentrating on your flow of thoughts.

It was right when you were beginning to think you had stopped the spirals in your mind that you heard him: "(y/n)!" You recognized the detective's voice on the spot. How could you not, after how he had managed to disrupt your thoughts and actions all evening? But you weren't about to turn back around and have your very own movie ending with him. You just knew it wasn't gonna play out like that and decided to keep walking in order to preserve the little dignity you still had. "Oh, c'mon! Just give me a minute! Please!" That pleading made you turn around, to let him down more politely, which ended up with the two of you almost hitting each other. Once again, that same night, he was too close to you. The proximity with his body sending all sorts of heatwaves through yours. He seemed to be feeling it too, given the way he started to look at you, the damn smirk back on his lips.

"Nu-uh. You don't get to look at me like that. Not after what it did to me the first time."

"Huh. Care to elaborate on that? How exactly am I looking at you?" He asked, moving even closer to you altogether. "And, more importantly, what exactly did it do to you?"

"You don't need me to answer any of that." You pointed out, crossing your arms over your chest — clearly going into defensive mode.

"Maybe not," he started, tilting his head slightly — the damn smirks never leaving his face. "But. I'd like to hear it nevertheless."

"Well, you're not going to."

"Ah, okay." Wait, was he really giving up that easily? "Then maybe I can just try and see what it does to you one more time? For the sake of curiosity." All you could think to say was an enthusiastic 'Yes, please!' but, when he started leaning in to kiss you, you seemed to come back to your senses, pushing him away and taking some steps back of your own.

"Oh my God! Don't you get it? We can't be doing this right now. Not after the way I left things with Kim because of our previous, um, actions!" At that, Jay just gave you a confused look. "I stormed out of there but just because I was feeling too ashamed about it all and I honestly don’t think that I want any more embarrassment for a lifetime.

“Okay, okay. I get that but maybe it would feel less embarrassing for you if you knew that I was feeling all of that too: all of that buzzing energy and the goddamn butterflies and everything. You were doing exactly the same I did to you to me. And, as embarrassing as it was to be caught like that by Adam and Kim, I still can’t say I regret any of it. In fact, I was thinking that maybe we could do it again? You know, minus all the mess and the kid 𑁋 I mean, I adore Mak but that would be-”

You didn’t care to listen to the rest of all he had to say. Instead, you threw yourself into his arms, even making him lose his balance for a second, and started kissing him, except that this time it was a slow, hot, and thought-through kiss. And the second you did kiss him, you heard clapping and whistling from afar, as you turned to find Kim and Adam there, once again witnessing you and Jay kiss. And that had Jay whispering to you:

“Let’s get out of here?” To which you responded simply with a:

“Yes, please!”

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i-spaced-sorry · 1 month

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Burzek wedding One Chicago One Shot.

Hi y'all! Today at work it was slow and I saw this headline on my phone.

Obviously my first reaction was "The only logical way this would happen is if something happened to Kevin" I wrote some ideas on what it would look like in that scenario and then since it was slow at work I kept building on those ideas and it turned into a weird 2010 style fanfic. I feel like this might offend some people in this fandom if I didn't say it's suppose to be like a bad fanfic, so there's your warning.

This is my take on why Voight would officiate the wedding:

“Kev, what are you doing right now?” asked Voight when Kevin picked up the phone.

“Uh, nothing really, just going over my officiate speech for the wedding tomorrow” replied Kev while moving his laptop aside and sliding towards the edge of the couch, ready to jump up the minute his boss told him so.

“Alright, well, I need you to run to the 31st and pick up a packet that I need from them for our next case.”

Kevin crinkled his eyebrows in confusion. “Sarge with all due respect, but why am I going and not you? Or better yet why are they not just dropping it off the next day we are at the district. It’s 11pm. And Burgess and Ruze are getting married tomorrow so we all aren’t in the office anyway.”

Kevin could hear his boss sigh and could envision him throwing a hand down his face.

“I need you to go now, I’m stuck at the district doing last minute paperwork before we all take off tomorrow for as you said the Burgess’ wedding.”

Sighing, Kevin got up and replied, “Okay, I’m going now. But this packet better be worth the trip.”

“Thanks” and before he knew it his boss was hanging up on him.

As Kevin approached the 31st, he was reminded of Kim’s recent shift at the district and how there was a drive by. Praying that didn’t happen while he was inside, he got out of his car and walked towards the entrance past the migrants.

“Hi, I’m here to pick up a packet for the Intelligence unit out of the 21st” stated Kevin while walking up to the desk Sergeant.

Confused, the desk Sergeant looked at Kevin and replied, “I wasn’t made aware of any packet, if you just wait here a minute I’ll go take a look.”

“Uh yea sure” stated Kevin.

While he waited he turned around and looked out the window at the migrants. That’s when he noticed something and sure enough heavy fire happened just like with Kim. But this time, all the migrants ran into the building and the doors got locked and barricaded before he could start a chase. Great, he was now stuck inside a different district the night before his friends were supposed to be married.

“What do you mean he’s not here!” cried Kim into her phone. She was talking to Hailey about how she needed to go over something in her vows with Kevin before the ceremony. It was 9am, a little early for a traditional wedding. But this wasn’t just a traditional wedding, this was a miracle wedding between two people who had tried various times to get married. So to them a morning wedding was perfect.

“He texted me saying he was stuck at the 31st. They had taken really bad fire late last night and the migrants came into the district and a guy who blended in with the migrants has now taken it upon himself to tie up every officer who was there and has taken over the district. Apparently the 1st shift officers got there around 7 this morning and are right now trying to negotiate with the man.” replied Hailey over the phone. She was on her way to the venue and wished she could drive faster to be there for her friend.

“Ugh!” replied Kim before hanging up the phone and tossing it to the side and beginning to sob.

“Darlin? Are you alright?” called Adam. Kim looked up from her sobbing and turned her head towards the door.

“No, you can’t come in here! It’s bad luck” sniffled Kim.

“I know, but I wanted to let you know we will work this out.” soothed Adam from behind the door.

“How? We only have the venue for 2hrs and Kevin’s not here! Who is going to officiate the wedding?”

Kim sobbed some more but could hear some rustling behind the door and then she heard, “Kim, I can officiate your wedding.”

“Voight, I don’t know, do you even have your license?” asked Kim hesitantly.

“Yes, I have my license. Let’s get the two of you married!”

“Are you okay with that darlin?” asked Adam, checking his soon to be wife was okay with it.

“Yea, that’s okay.”

Hailey looked at the church room where her friends were about to get married and she smiled. It was an intimate enough space but also had exactly the vibes of her friends. It was perfect. As she walked down the aisle to her seat, she looked up and noticed her boss standing at the front with Adam. She was confused for a second but then realized that since Kevin was held up at the 31st, that he was filling in. ‘Even though my marriage fell apart, I at least knew not to get our boss involved in our wedding or marriage….Well at the beginning, he obviously snuck his way in later.” she thought to herself.

Soon the wedding began and the bridal shower, which consisted of Adam’s cousin and Kim’s cousin and that was it, came down the aisle. Next was Mack in her flower dress. She threw the petals and smiled extra big at Hailey. And then finally, Kim herself came down the aisle in her beautiful wedding dress and redone makeup.

On the other side of town, The negotiators were still at work trying to get the man inside to cooperate. “Come on man, just take the plea deal.” begged Kevin while checking his watch again. He was missing his best friends’ wedding for this shit.

After 10 more minutes of back and forth the man finally agreed to the terms and opened the doors. Kevin ran out, hung onto a responding officer's arms and pleaded his reasoning to get his statement at a later date. The officer was sympathetic to the fellow officer in blue and allowed him to go. Kevin got in his car and sped off for the church.

Back at the church, Adam had just finished his vows, when the chapel doors slammed open and Jay ran in, “No, I object to the wedding of these two!”

Kim and Adam stood there mouths agape. Hailey looked at her ex and exclaimed, “My guy! My brother from another mister, my ex husband who will forever be my best friend, what in God’s green Earth are you doing?”

Jay shook his head and stated, “I don’t really, I’ve just always wanted to do that. Carry on.” and with that he walked to sit next to Hailey, who smacked him upside the head rightfully so.

“Why is Voight officiating and not Kev?” stage whispered Jay to Hailey.

“He got caught up at a district and is now in a lockdown, I don’t like Voight officiating either”

“He’s bad news.” stage whispered Jay again.

Looking to her right, like in a sitcom, Hailey deadpanned, “You don’t say”

“Uh, guys?” coughed Adam from his spot at the front.

Looking up, the two hummed.

“Can we get back to getting married?”

“Sorry” replied the two while looking at their feet like lost puppies.

Whipping into a parking space, he shut the engine off, opened and slammed the door shut and ran up the church steps. Opening the door, he opened the second set of doors leading to the chapel and he heard the words,

“....Burgess take Adam Ruzek to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

As he heard his best friend reply yes, he dropped to his knees and screamed “no, I missed my best friends getting married” and sobbed.

Quickly when the small group turned his way, he got up and made his way into the pew behind Hailey and Jay.

The wedding finished up and the happy couple walked down the aisle.

Later at the reception, after Kevin apologized to his friends, he walked up to his boss.

“Sorry about what happened at the district” apologized Voight.

Looking mad, Kevin stated, “Me too. Especially since after all that, the Desk Sergeant claimed you already picked up the packet early that day.

Voight stared at his officer before responding, “hmm. I guess I did. Oh well, sorry for the trouble.” Then he shrugged and walked away leaving Kevin pissed.

#chicago pd #jay halstead #hailey upton #adam ruzek #kim burgess #hank voight #kevin atwater #upstead #burzek #burzwater #one chicago #Crack fic #chicago pd imagine

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sylvies-chen · 8 months

Note

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤️

Ahh ok this is so cute I’m glad I was sent this because I feel like I never promote my own stuff on here and wouldn’t unless prompted lol.

Hopelessly Devoted To You - anyone who’s read my stuff has probably read this one, it’s my most popular fic and my first ever AU. I was so proud of this story, and met some of the most wonderful fandom friends through this story

Spinning Out - this is my most severely underrated fanfiction ngl!! I was so proud of this when I wrote it and was in my Burzek feels. I owe @fighterkimburgess for this, who championed this fic for me, like I was writing it solely for you at one point cíara! you were its biggest fan for sure. anyway y’all can pry ballerina kim from my cold dead hands it was glorious.

Violin Concert in D Minor, Op. 47: I. Allegro Moderato - MY KENSTEWY FIC MY BELOVED yes I absolutely wrote a fic because of a violin concerto I’d heard it’s the geekiest thing ever but I lovedddd getting to write college!kenstewy and this was right after the succession finale too so I needed a win (or at least to write a little smut).

Where the Mind Wanders - one thing about me is that I LOVE the “dream sequence where deceased loved ones visit them” trope. think that episode of Sherlock where he gets shot, think 8.15 of Bones, things like that. because you get such an insight into a character’s psyche while also getting feral worried energy from character B who’s in love with them, and it’s just. SO GOOD. so I tried writing that for Chenford because we have yet to experience any true whump from established chenford now that they’re actually together and I wanted to write Tim losing it over Lucy being in danger!!

Love & Metachrosis - listen I love getting to write sort of higher concept fics and getting super creative with it, but this fic is none of that. it’s heartfelt as all my stuff is, but I’m proud of it for its comedy and humour. I genuinely did try writing it as a real scene from a (hypothetical at the time) season 2 episode of OFMD, and added in some comedy in there (I hope) so I’m proud of it precisely because it is super kitschy and silly and fun, but there is still a lot to sink your teeth into and it slowly sinks into the emotional stuff just like the show does. Idk, it was just the first fic I’d ever written for a show that is technically a comedy so I was really happy with the balance!

bonus points for my new chenford AU that I’m writing right now which is probably the best thing I’ve written and my favourite new idea, because I haven’t posted it yet but I still am so excited for it!! Title is TBD but @morganupstead knows what’s up (morgan it’s my superpowers fic and it’s coming along beautifully I totally need to send you the first two chapters or something because you kept me going with writing this)

#abby.answers #self promo #fic recs #fanfic #writing #fanfiction #fic writing #burzek #chenford #blackbonnet #gentlebeard #ofmd #kenstewy

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tessaservopoulos · 3 months

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of flower girls and best men

fandom: chicago pd pairing: kim burgess/adam ruzek rating: k summary: kim and adam tell makayla they're getting married, and she insists they call kevin. notes: just some post 11.03 sweetness.

#burzek #chicago pd #cpd fic #otp: cover my ass

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thedefinitionofendgame · 2 years

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CHAPTER UPDATE!

Read chapter 2 on ao3 or ff.net

-> Girls night and guys night and of course, drinking and laughter and surprises.

A/N: have no idea where my motivation to write came from, but i'm glad it's timing out with jesse's exit on CPD tonight (which i heard was awful so at least this is a distraction?) anyways, the story doesn't start to pick up yet, but this one has happiness compared to the first chapter...that i posted back in january.

wanna be on my taglist & get notified when I post a new fic?

Written, cover & trailer by @thedefinitionofendgame (aka me)

#begin again #jay halstead fic #jay halstead #hailey upton fic #hailey upton #the halsteads #chicago pd #chicago pd fic #willow trudy halstead #stella kidd #sylvie brett #kim burgess #adam ruzek #burzek #upstead #stellaride #brettsey #the definition of endgame

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adamruz · 1 year

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This Time is Different

Summary: My version of the morning after 1017. Rated T just in case.

Word Count: 899

Note: I had no plans to turn my idea into a fic until @piscesgirl87 volunteered me to write a fic, so here we are lol. I think this is the fastest I've ever written something.

Their clothes were still scattered on the bedroom floor with pieces of a broken lamp and teacup all over the living room floor as the sun began to peek through the window. “Well this is a welcomed sight,” Adam mumbled as he woke up with his arm still wrapped around Kim as she was tracing her fingers lightly across his chest.

She looked up from the spot her head was cradled in under his head and smiled. “What do you mean?”

“Usually you're out of my arms in the morning before I even wake up, but I like this version much better.”

“This time is different. What time do you have to check in with Sam again?”

Adam rubbed his eyes and answered, “not until around 3, but I was planning on going back to my UC apartment around lunch time. I can probably push it back a little longer though just to spend more time with you and Mack.”

Kim shook her head. “No, Adam, you have to stick to the plan just in case. You can’t get made. Plus we have the rest of our lives to spend together.” She dropped that last sentence so casually like it was nothing, but it made Adam shoot up to sit against the pillow behind his head. “What did you just say?”

“I told you this time was different. I know we have a lot still to talk about, but I’m done being scared with you. She leaned up to kiss him again until he pulled away.

“Hey, can we get something to eat first? I'm a little hungry.” Kim agreed and threw on Adam's flannel over her underwear and headed out to the kitchen. Adam stepped up behind her with just his boxers on and wrapped his arms around her waist as she got a pot of coffee started and rested his head on her shoulder while softly kissing the spot on her neck that she loved so much.

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. “Adam, what time is it?”

He leaned back to look at the clock and replied, “9 o’clock on the dot, why?”

Kim immediately started panicking. “Oh shoot, Amanda's mom said she was dropping Mack off at 9. I…we must have lost track of time.” Adam began laughing and couldn’t control himself. “Adam, this isn't a laughing matter. Our daughter is standing outside of our house right now and we're standing in the kitchen half naked and the living room and my bedroom are a mess.”

A knock came again. “Well you have more clothes on than me,” he proclaimed while still finding their current situation amusing. “Plus all of my clothes are upstairs.” Kim ran into her bedroom and threw his jeans from last night at him.

“Here. At least you'll have pants on.”

“Darlin’, I can't answer the door shirtless in front of a parent from school.”

Kim put her hands on his chest as she started to push him backwards, rotating him to face the front door, and eventually moving her hands to his butt to scoot him towards the door. “It's okay, trust me. All of the moms at school already have a thing for you anyways,” she revealed with a wink. “Now just distract them for like two minutes while I clean this mess up.”

Adam opens the door to see Makayla, Amanda, and Amanda’s mom standing on the front porch. “Hi Adam!”

“Hi Mack, did you have fun?” Mack nods and tries to run through the door, but Adam bends down to stop her. “Hey now, make sure you thank Amanda and her mom for having you sleep over."

“Thank you, see you at school on Monday," Makayla yelled as she waved to her friend and eventually pushed past Adam. “Mom, I'm home.”

“Hey bud,” Kim answered just as she was finishing shutting the door to her bedroom where she hid the mess with a robe on, replacing Adam's flannel she was wearing earlier. Adam turned the corner, afraid to see if Kim had enough time to clean up the mess and he had to admit she did a pretty good job. That was until Makayla asked, "what happened to the lamp that was here?"

Adam stood behind Mack in silence as he threw his hand over his mouth while Kim fumbled with an answer to her question. “I…I felt we had too many lamps in this room, so I put it away for now.” They both sighed in relief to have avoided that close call.

Makayla turned around and now inquired, “Adam, why do you have on the same jeans that you did when you dropped me off at school yesterday?” Adam was pretty sure his jaw was on the ground and now it was Kim's turn to start giggling as Adam tried to weasel his way out of this one.

“I will have you know, little one, that I have many pairs of black jeans that all look the same.” He wasn’t exactly lying as his closet did exist of a handful of black jeans, but she was right about this pair. It was like they were misbehaving teenagers again getting caught by their parents. It probably shouldn't have caught them so off guard that their daughter being raised by two cops in an elite unit would be so observant but here they were.

#lexi.writes #adam ruzek #kim burgess #burzek #chicago pd #cpd fic #chicago pd fic #burzek fic

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torreshalstead · 1 year

Text

all of it

Summary - She was finally back in his arms, arms that provided her the comfort they always had. It had taken them a long time to get here, but they had made it.

Post 10x17 morning after fic.

Notes: Rated T - AO3 Link

The first time was frenzied, hands roaming over any piece of bare skin they could find. His beard scratched her neck as he littered it with open mouth kisses, all the while his hands worked to remove himself of his last items of clothes, and rid her of hers. It was fast, it was messy, but it was honest. The pair had spent so much time apart that in the act of coming together now, neither wanted to waste a second. And any inch of their bodies that were not connecting, felt like a waste.

The second time was gentle, slow, filled with whispers of love, of thanks, of care. Adam had stopped to press kisses to the newest additions to Kim’s scar collection, looking up at her under his eyelashes as he did so, the love evident in his eyes. She fell apart in his arms, holding on as tightly as she could, fingers clawing at his back, heels locked around his hips. They stayed joined together afterwards, her face tucked tightly into his neck, refusing to be separated from him.

Being with Adam was like coming home. His touch was familiar, his voice whispering in her ear, the soundtrack she loved to play. He knew exactly how to get her where she needed to be. He always had. But tonight had been different. He had known that they both didn’t want to waste time, that they needed to be together as quickly as they could, it was a carnal need. But that it also needed to be something more, something they both felt on a higher level.

They had fallen asleep shortly afterwards, the exertion from their physical activities mixed with the emotions that the pair had experienced over the last few hours getting the best of them. When Kim awoke, it was still dark outside. The arms tight around her provided her the comfort they always had, that she had always seeked. The heartbeat steady under her head proving that it hadn’t been a dream.

She felt at peace, for the first time in a very long time. She felt sure of her emotions, of what she wanted, of what she deserved. She had spent years persuading herself that she didn’t feel for Adam what she clearly did. Of pushing the emotions down, of silencing them, of listening to others when the only person she should be listening to was herself. Persuading herself he didn’t feel the same, despite his countless attempts to prove otherwise. And yet, when she had finally let down those walls and told him, he had shown her that he felt the same.

She pulled herself regretfully from his arms, she would stay in them forever but right now she was gasping for a glass of water. Picking up his discarded flannel, she wrapped it around herself and tugged up her underwear. They were alone in the house but they hadn’t closed the curtains in the living room or the kitchen when they returned home. They had been slightly preoccupied, she smirked, but the neighbours didn’t need a free aftershow.

Padding barefoot into the kitchen, she took a second to look around. If you’d have asked her 5 years ago if she’d have ever thought she’d have ended up here, she would have politely disagreed. And yet here she was, here they were. She was a mom, Adam was the father she had always dreamed he would be and their daughter was the light of their lives. He had bought them a house, bought them a home and when it had seemed like it might be too much, had offered it to them with no strings attached. Willing to give up his family home, so her and her daughter had a place to call theirs. And now they were this modern family, the one they had discussed all those years ago when for a small moment in time they were going to bring a life into the world together, only to have it harshly ripped away from them.

The modern family may have just become a little less modern tonight, Kim thought to herself as she filled a glass of water and leant against the counter. Her gaze landed on the fridge which was covered in various art projects Makayla had brought home from school or done at home. The classic family image of the child and two parents, the house with the chimney in the background. Everything that Kim had always wanted. Everything she now had.

Returning quickly to her room, where she’d left Adam sleeping on his back, she lent against the door frame. The moonlight was filling the room, his bare chest reflecting the light, sheets pooled down by his hips. She obviously found Adam attractive, had from the moment she had met him 10 years ago now. But seeing the man he had become, she was so madly in love with him. She let herself a moment to just take in his beauty, to appreciate the body that had made her feel such incredible things just hours previously, the dull ache between her legs her own personal reminder, one she relished.

He stirred, the apparent lack of Kim in his arms waking him from his slumber. He rubbed his hand over his eyes and propped himself up on his elbow looking over at where she was still leaning against the door. ‘Darlin’ you okay?’ his voice thick with sleep, the old endearment sliping easily past his lips.

‘Just needed a drink,’ she said softly, a small smile tugging on her lips when she noticed his gaze drag down her body, taking in the shirt she was wearing, his shirt, open against her chest, the expanse of skin leading down to her lace trimmed underwear, his eyes roaming down her bare legs. ‘Didn’t get enough of an eyeful last night?’ she said with a smirk.

‘No such thing,’ he said smugly. ‘Coming back to bed?’ he asked and his smile grew when she nodded, climbing in next to him. Lying on her stomach, her head on his chest, arm thrown over him and legs tangled together. They fitted together like puzzle pieces, meant to be.

‘What time do you need to go back under?’ Kim asked, her voice quiet in the dark room, her fingers tracing meaningless shapes against his chest. She felt his arm tighten just a fraction more around her at the words, the acknowledgment that they would need to pull themselves into the real world at some point. That the real world for Adam right now was more dangerous than it usually was, something that she didn’t wish to linger on.

‘I should probably check in about lunch time,’ he said, his voice muffled by her hair as he had tucked his face into it when she had returned to the confines of the bed.

‘Okay,’ Kim’s voice was even softer now as the pair fell back into silence. Their steady breathing the only sound.

‘This is it now Kim,’ Adam said after a while. He was clearly attempting to keep his voice steady but it faltered slightly at her name and Kim could hear his heartbeat picking up slightly from where it was vibrating against her cheek. ‘Us,’ he continued. ‘I can’t go back to anything else.’

‘This is it,’ she echoed, tapping her forefinger against his chest three times, in the hopes he would understand the meaning, ‘we’re it.’

‘All of it. The proposal, the getting married in some bad banquet hall, the babies, the job, the mess, the whole thing.’ Kim’s hands stilled a second, shocked to hear her own words echoed back to her. She pushed herself up on his chest so she could look into his eyes.

‘You remembered?’ she asked, pushing her hair back off her face.

‘When the woman you’re in love with lists the reasons she doesn’t think you want to be with her, you remember,’ Adam said, reaching out to cup her cheek, his thumb smoothing gently under her eye, his stare full of love. ‘I always wanted it, you know, all of it.’

Kim nodded, knowing his words to be true. ‘We’re in a better place now’, she said. ‘If we’d have gone for it all then, I’m not sure we’d have made it here.’

‘I know. But I just needed you to know. You’ve always been it for me Kim. And I would have waited for years if that’s what you needed.’ His words tugged at her heart strings, the ones that had been broken years ago when she had walked out of the locker room without the ring that until that moment had been her most prized possession. It took a long time to heal, to let him back in, her walls had been a fortrice for a long time. Maybe too long. But they had healed. And they had grown stronger, she had learnt to heal them herself, to make them stronger. And when she had finally let him back in again, his strength had added to them, tangling his love for her around her love for herself and allowing her the opportunity to risk them breaking again. Because without risk, could there be love?

She had risked it all taking in Makayla, knowing that her relationship with Adam, her relationship with anyone would never be the same again. But it had been worth every ounce of risk. Her daughter was her pride and joy. She had risked it all going back to work, to a job that had almost killed her, had put her through hell. But she loved her job, she was a damn good officer and was willing to risk everything to serve and protect the people of this city. And slowly she had let herself risk heartbreak again by getting close to him once more. She kept him at arm's length for a time, easier to pretend what she felt for him wasn’t true. But with everything he did, everytime he showed her the man he was, that distance had lessened. She risked it again when she agreed to move in with him, knowing that it was inevitable that they would end up like this. But also knowing that unless she let him in, he would also keep her at a distance.

But here, in his arms, it had been worth it all. They were stronger now, stronger together. They were a family.

‘I know,’ she said quietly after realising she had been staring at him for possibly too long. ‘I just needed to get here, so thank you’.

Adam raised his eyebrows in a silent question.

‘For being patient with me. For being by my side through all of it. Through the scaredness, the numbness. I’m not sure where I’d be without you,’ her eyes began to swim with tears.

‘It’s where I’ll always be,’ he said, reaching down to press his lips against hers. It wasn’t like the kisses they had shared before, the frenzied ones, the slow ones, this one was full of promise. A promise that the life they had always dreamed about sharing was within reach, that it was possible. That it was theirs.

#burzek #Kim burgess #Adam ruzek #Chicago pd #one Chicago #burzek fic #burzek fanfic #kim burgess x adam ruzek #one chicago fanfic #chicago pd fanfic #burzek fanfiction #chicago pd fic #chicago pd fanfiction #one chicago fanfiction #one chicago fic

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kim-ruzek · 10 months

Text

Lost in Translation

Part two

And it's killing him.

Or; Obliviousness, a game of telephone and a healthy dose of gossip leads to miscommunication... Miscommunication that just may lead Adam and Kim back together.

Set in S3, post break-up AU.

Word Count: 5.8k

Read on AO3

Notes: Part two is here!! If you haven't read part one, you can find it through my AO3 or on my blog, and I do very much recommend reading part one first.

This fic was only meant to be a two part fic, but due to the length of this one, I've had to split it into two so it's now going to be a three part fic so oops sorry about that.

Enjoy!!

It is on a night out at Molly’s that caused it.

Kim hadn’t really wanted to go out with Sylvie that night, but the blonde was insistent. She wasn’t on shift at 51, and had been waiting outside of Kim’s new apartment when she got home. Kim had been sort of dragging her feet about arranging a day for a night out, not only because she struggled with the desire to actually go out, despite how much she forced herself to, but because Sylvie and her really started bonding right after Kim had gotten engaged.

It hadn’t been because of the engagement, but that just happened to be the point in time their friendship had blossomed. As a result, Kim couldn’t help associating nights out with her, and by extension, Sylvie herself, with being engaged. With coming home tipsy to Adam, to talking about wedding stuff at the nights out, to all those little moments that occurred when Kim was engaged Kim, moments that will never be replicated now she’s back to being single Kim—or worse, now she’s become recently un-engaged Kim.

And if Kim was going to drag herself from the comfort of her bed and crappy microwave dinners, she preferred if it could actually distract her from her failed engagement.

It wasn’t fair to Sylvie, Kim knew this. Especially when Sylvie is her only friend who gets it, her only friend who had been engaged herself, who also had a failed engagement. The situations aren’t identical, of course, really the only thing the two engagements had in common was that they were an engagement, but it still was helpful to know there’s someone who gets it, gets it in a way her other friends can’t.

So when Kim came home and saw her sweet, considerate friend waiting for her, she had no choice but to agree.

And, Kim had reminded herself, the only way she can hope to survive this is with help from her friends.

Sylvie had suggested they keep it low-key, just her and Kim, in Molly’s with a beer. It hadn’t exactly screamed a recipe for success but she had found herself agreeing nonetheless. And Kim was proven wrong; Sylvie had grabbed them a booth near the back, and intelligence had been wrapped up in a case so she didn’t have to see anyone from work, which had been a blessing.

There had been some officers hanging around, of course, and a couple of them looked eagerly at her and Kim had just known that they’d be approaching her to try and get the gossip on why Sean was transferring.

But Sylvie had also clocked them, and she excused herself to talk to Herrmann and Kim still has no idea what she said to him, but none of the officers bothered them that night.

“It’s just typical Sean,” it wasn’t long before Kim was bitching about her ex-partner. “Transferring in such a way and leaving me to have to deal with the fallout. He couldn’t even give me that one decent consideration.”

“He’s an asshole, Kim, of course he wasn’t going to.” Sylvie’s words aren’t said condescendingly, even if they could be seen that way.

“Like so the man tries to kiss me only weeks after I broke up with my fiancé, who we both work with, then tries to tell me that I was giving him ‘signs’, and then that he loves me and he knows I love him—which what the fuck, I just broke up with Adam, and he knows I’m still very much in love with him—and then when I rebuff all this he just... Transfers. And does it so fucking coyly that it means of course, people are curious. Which only leaves me in this position of being noncommittal and only fuelling the gossip, or telling the truth which, let’s be honest, is only going to make people think that there was something there—and god forbid it looks bad on him, no, it’ll only reflect badly on me and no one will ever want to be my partner.” Sylvie had been right, going out had done her good, giving her chance to vent.

“And what gets me is that he was able to just transfer. Bam, just like that. And he’ll go and settle in to his new place, and he’ll get barely if any scrutiny over it and even if he’s truthful about everything—which not fucking likely—he won’t get respected any less. Me, on the other hand.” Kim paused, to take a sip of her drink.

“You know, I was going to transfer. Yeah, yeah, I know. Not great, and luckily Platt and Lindsay talked me out of it. But one of the reasons I didn’t? Because it would follow me around. But Sean’s second transfer in just as many years? Nothing.” Kim couldn’t help scoffing, she was just about done with the hypocrisy of the police force, of the hypocrisy of her fellow officers.

Sylvie, to her credit, listened patiently, sympathising with her and asking her questions about how she’s doing and genuinely caring about her response—everything Sean should’ve done, everything a decent human would do.

It was one of Sylvie’s questions that lead to this, the blonde asking her about how she’s doing, personally, beyond the Sean stuff.

“Honestly? Pretty fucking lonely,” Kim had drunk all of her beer by that point and it was either that, or just because she was on ranting roll, that made her be more openly truthful about things.

“I’m hurting, like all the time, and work is now this... Huge dread for me. And when I go home, I’m coming home to an empty apartment. A few weeks ago, I had a fiancé and a future and now everything just feels so empty and lonely. I have no one to share my life with; my sister has her own life, and my mother just keeps telling me I told you so and saying I should quit being a cop and it’s just a lot. Probably doesn’t help my new apartment is one I first saw the listing for when I was looking for a place for Adam and I,” Kim couldn’t help but scoff at herself.

“It’s all a bit pathetic, isn’t it? Because it’s because of me that I’m lonely, like what did I think I’d feel?” She was feeling really self-deprecating about herself.

“Kim, no,” Sylvie had shook her head at that. “It is not pathetic. Ending a relationship, especially an engagement, it’s a big deal and a big change. And it does mean you find yourself feeling a bit lost as you readjust. At least you haven’t moved to a new city?”

Kim scoffed again. “Don’t tempt me.”

“Kim,” Sylvie said softly, but scoldingly. “Look, my point is just that your feelings are natural. And yeah, you ended it, but that doesn’t make you pathetic for missing it, because it was still a part of your life. You just need to remind yourself that the cons began outweighing the pros—you ended it to prioritise yourself and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

The doubt Kim felt evidently showed on her face as Sylvie continued.

“Okay, let’s brainstorm. You’re not over Adam, and jumping into a new relationship is never a good idea, so we can’t end your loneliness with getting back out there. We can try and arrange more girls nights—even get Lindsay in for it, and maybe even Sarah from med—but our lives are pretty busy so that might not be the most effective... Can you go visit family you haven’t seen in a while—your father? You’ve never told me about him, but is he an option? Sometimes going somewhere and clearing your head can do a world of good.”

Kim frowned, making it very clear that wasn’t an option.

“Okay, so that’s a no. Hm,” Sylvie looked thoughtful. She was silent for a long moment, before suddenly her face lit up, and she leaned forward very excitedly.

“You could get a dog! A cute, fluffy companion! No need to worry about scheduling nights out to get company, and someone to greet you when you come home. Plus I saw one of your neighbours had a dog while I was waiting for you, so your new place is pet friendly. It’s perfect.”

Sylvie looked so happy, so pleased with herself that Kim felt guilty for the way she would have to crush her.

“Sylvie,” her friend’s face immediately faltered at Kim’s soft sigh. “I work all the time. And because of the move and the calling off the engagement, I don’t really have a lot of savings so I don’t know if I’d be able to afford a dog walker and I just... I don’t think I’m in a place right now where I could adequately look after a dog, do all the walking and making sure it was happy. It wouldn’t be fair.”

“Right, yeah.” Sylvie nodded understandingly. Kim thought she had ruined the night, but then Sylvie’s eyes were sparkling again.

“What about a cat? We just responded to this cat sanctuary place last shift—one of their workers got woozy—and oh it is just so precious. The cats were all so cute, and they’re rescues and the owner was saying how they need more people to adopt them. All we’d need to do is get toys and set up a nice play area in your apartment to make sure they’re happy while you’re at work and oh you could get an automatic cat feeder and it’s perfect. And the owner said so many of them just wants love and cuddles and just a home.”

Kim frowned slightly. “I don’t know. I’ve never had a cat before.”

“Come and visit with me this weekend. Meet the little kitties, see for yourself. Come on, Kim. They need love, you need love... It’s a match made in heaven.” Sylvie had continued, looking so earnest at her.

And that’s how Kim found herself, on her day off, standing in a cat sanctuary, about to adopt a furry new friend.

The workers at the sanctuary had immediately greeted Sylvie with big smiles and sing-song hellos. The paramedic clearly had left a lasting impression on them, which, honestly, Kim got. Sylvie just has that effect on people.

“This is Kim,” Sylvie had introduced her, and then before she could even react, Sylvie was filling them in on everything, of exactly why they were there. Kim found herself feeling immediately annoyed at the blonde; she’s not exactly in a great place in her life and she isn’t exactly thrilled at it being broadcasted.

But the workers had been considerate, nice. They asked Kim questions about herself, about her home, about her wants and capabilities and advised her on everything she’d need to get and what she should expect, understating it all with that she had to actually want this, want the responsibility of another living being beyond just her own sadness.

Then they had told them to look around, standing back as they did so, giving them space while not being too far away.

Honestly, Kim was convinced she was just doing this to humour Sylvie. But somewhere along the line, between them getting there and the workers talking to them, and walking among the fluffy balls of cuteness, Kim found herself warming more and more up to the idea.

And then she saw him. A beautiful mix of white, brown and ginger, long-haired, especially around his neck and upper back, the only part of him, really, that was the ginger bit. He had sharp eyes, and when they met with her own, he flopped down looking adorably playful and Kim hadn’t ever really spent much time around cats but she couldn’t help but think that was his way of greeting her.

She never put much credence in love at first sight, especially after the closest thing she had to it imploded, but looking at that cat for the very first time, Kim immediately fell in love.

And she’d like to think he did too, that he didn’t just react like that to any old person, that he immediately saw her as his human.

The worker who was with them—Greta, her name tag said—clocked on instantly to the connection, and when Kim cooed at him, she jumped straight into action.

“That’s Roman. His previous owner was a history professor, and thought his fluff reminded them of Roman helmets. I don’t personally see it, but he’s a funny little dude and it suits him. Him being long-haired does seem to be putting a lot of people off, unfortunately, though but he’s just so precious.” Great informed her.

Kim faltered.

“Roman?” She repeated, unable to stop the frown that appeared on her face. Her eyes found Sylvie.

“We know someone called that—well his surname. And he’s an asshole,” Sylvie explains to Greta. “Come on, Kim, there’s other cats.”

Kim looked away from Sylvie then, and back at the cat—at Roman. There was a conflict in her; there was the association to the partner from hell that she’d very much like to forget, and Sylvie was right, there were other cats but...but Kim knew that her heart wanted this cat, that for whatever reason there was a kinship with this cat and that something as silly as a name wasn’t going to put her off.

Not when in the first time in ages, Kim felt like she might actually survive this.

“No, tell me more about him. It’s alright; I called him Sean a lot anyway. And this Roman is so much more of a nicer association for the name.” Kim said, and that was that. Roman the cat was hers.

Of course it wasn’t that simple. There was paperwork to sort out, a vetting the sanctuary had to do, and then Kim had to go and buy things for him—something she may have gone a little overboard on—and so much other things but he was hers.

And finally, her life had a little more light in it.

Kim and Roman settle into a routine before long.

Roman takes a little while to fully adjust to his new home with her, but after the first couple of days, even when he still hadn’t fully settled in yet, Kim would be immediately greeted by a little meow and a cat winding between her feet as soon as she got home.

More than anything probably because she’s the food provider, but he lets her give him a little fuss behind the ears when she walks through the door and after they have their respective dinners, they cuddle on the couch.

She had brought him a rather nice cat bed, and he does use it, uses the three different ones that somehow just keeps appearing in her home, along with more toys every time Kim goes shopping, but at night, he curls up beside her on her bed.

And Kim begins looking forward to coming home again. And for that, she is so glad that she took Sylvie upon her offer that day—even when it’s 3am and Roman is waking her up from much needed sleep for the third time that week for, as far as Kim can tell, no particularly reason.

She doesn’t exactly go broadcasting the fact she’s got a cat now, obviously, because it’s not really ground breaking news. But she does mention it to some people, just casually, and Kim expected that to be that.

It’s not, exactly. The district is a gossipy place, and it really can be unpredictable what is decided to be the new hottest piece of gossip, and Kim’s definitely been the source of that gossip a few times, but she didn’t really expect the fact she’s gotten a new cat to be that juicy that it spreads to everyone.

It even spreads up to intelligence, as Kevin asks her about it one day.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, sounding uncharacteristically hurt. It spreads around in the first few weeks of getting him, Kim still making sure he was adjusting, so she hadn’t had much time to talk to her best friend and so no time to catch him up with her life, especially when she’s been giving Adam space, and she knew that he’d need to lean on Kev and she never wants to make him feel like he has to chose sides.

It’s still never great hearing something new about your friend from district chatter, so she got his hurt to a certain degree, but it had taken her back a little bit.

“I didn’t think it was necessary—you would’ve found out eventually,” Kim answered him, confused. Even as she said the words, she knew it wasn’t exactly the best phrasing. Kevin—all the Atwaters—are an important part of her life and she realised that maybe with her break up with Adam he was wondering if she was ditching him too. To reassure him nothing had changed between them, she added;

“But now I’ve got you—do you want to come over soon? With Jordan and Vinessa, introduce them to him?”

Kevin’s expression is unreadable. “You want to my siblings to meet him?”

Between his expression and his tone, Kim just gets confused more. “Yeah? They’ll really love him. And I thought since he’s my family, and you’re—and they’re—my family that you’d—”

“That I’d want my siblings to meet him? Be a happy family?” Kevin interrupts her. “Look, Kim, I’m happy you’re happy. I am, you know I love you. But I’m just... Adam’s not doing well, at all, and I just think I need a bit of time before... that.”

If Kim hadn’t already been grateful for having Roman in her life, she would be then. There’s one thing putting some space between them for Adam’s sake, and maybe it’s because Kim feared Kevin wouldn’t understand, that if they gave him the option to choose a side, he wouldn’t choose her, not when Adam’s his brother, but Kim still—probably naïvely—thought that Kevin wouldn’t, that he wouldn’t choose a side.

And she suddenly didn’t expect him to choose a side without her asking him too.

“That’s fine.” Kim tried to smile and not let her own hurt show. “I have Roman, now, so yeah. Take time, whatever.”

It’s that day that when she got home, Roman first saw her cry. She hadn’t cried since getting him, but Kevin was the first person she ever truly felt was her family, someone in her peer bracket and loved her, and it hurt her deep that he didn’t choose her.

She didn’t want him to not choose Adam, Kim still loves Adam, and knows that Adam needs support and Kevin is both of their best friend, but she hoped that Kevin would still recognise she needed support—that Kevin is still her brother, that whatever happens between her and Adam, their respective relationships with him exists outside of that.

Instead Kim just wonders if this is confirmation of all her insecurities, her worries that saw how her boys bonded and the insecure girl inside of her worrying that Adam preferred working with Kev over her and that Kevin preferred Adam as a friend.

Roman is concerned for Kim, first pawing at her and when that didn’t work, he played with the toy that always makes Kim stop what she’s doing to coo at him and when that even didn’t work, he just curled up beside her.

“It’s just me and you,” Kim murmured at him, softly stroking his fur, comforted by the warm softness of it. “Just me and you.”

Life does get more bearable after that day.

It takes a while for her not to get that aching hurt in her chest, about Kevin choosing Adam over her, but she adapts. Just like she adapts to no longer being engaged, to her heart not hurting so much over that as well.

Kim quickly learns that she still loves Adam, that she’ll still miss him. That they’ll be days where she wishes for his smile, or his advice or nights where she’ll wake up from a bad dream and instinctively reach for him, wanting him to encase her in his arms, in a hug that smells like him and feels like love and safety.

And she quickly learns that unlike her previous relationships, she’s not going to fall out of love with him any time soon, that a part of her may very well always love him and that it’ll probably be a while before she’ll ever be able to think about dating again, let alone dating seriously.

But she learns that it gets easier to live with. She grieves their relationship, the relationship it was as well as what she wanted it to be, and through that she stops bargaining with herself, stops telling herself to lower her wants just for those times she misses him, that it had to be done.

And she stops wishing for all the ways the past should’ve gone and started just focusing on the future.

At work, Kim gets a new partner—Julie Tay—and they immediately get along like a house on fire. Kim never thought she’d find another partner as perfect as Kevin—Atwater, Adam is Ruzek, Kevin is Atwater, she’s taken up to telling herself—but Tay is pretty perfect herself. Exactly the kind of person Kim needs for where she is now, and that also helps take away the sting of Kevin choosing Adam.

Life gets into a new rhythm. It’s not like how her life used to be, but it’s how her life is, and she realises that she likes it. She has her cat, she has Tay, and everything just feels settled, that everything just feels easy again.

Sure, there’s no high drama or adrenaline in her life—beyond patrol chases—that everything feels very routine and that the height of her happiness comes from snuggling with Roman and a tub of ice cream on the couch, and there’s a case to be made that Kim prefers life when it’s a little bit more exciting, when there’s high emotions all around because yeah that means dealing with a rollercoaster of irrational emotions but it means that she’s not shutting herself off from feeling things, shutting herself away from experiences but after her past year, Kim is just ready to have it easy for a bit.

Before she knows it, almost in a blink of an eye, Kim’s had Roman for a little over half a year and it feels like a lifetime, life has settled that much.

She comes into work one day, after a hellish weekend of Roman being sick—nothing too serious, just enough to cost her a bill from her vet and a weekend of no sleep—and she knows she looks a mess. And so she mentions this, that she’s been looking after Roman all weekend, when she sees some of her co-workers give her a look that day.

Yet again, she expects it to not be so much of a big deal, but her fellow officers really are lovely people, and several times over the next week or so, Kim gets several of them asking after him. It’s nice at first—even if it’s somewhat baffling, especially the person who gives her flowers for him.

That one she had been confused at.

“Thanks,” she said. “They’re lovely, but he’ll probably just try and eat them,”

After she said that, the officer had the audacity to look at her funny.

By the time a week had gone past, Kim had officially reached her limit. She gets concern, and it’s lovely, but Roman has bounced right back now and she wonders why everyone is so concerned—especially when she has heard barely anything about an officer in another district who had gotten shot.

It’s Garcia that she finally loses her last straw with.

“How’s Roman doing?” He asks her and she normally likes the officer, but she’s beyond confused now and honestly just wishes that everyone would stop wondering about her cat, that surely she can’t always be the most interesting piece of gossip around.

“He’s okay! Having the time of his life pissing in my bathroom and eating damn flowers, stop asking! It was just a minor thing!” At what she bursts out saying, a few more officers nearby turning to look at them, Garcia frowns, looking rather confused himself.

“I though he was in ICU?”

Kim’s mind momentarily blanks at that, not in the slightest prepared to deal with how ridiculous gossip at the district can get, that information will pass from one lip to another and somehow get distorted to her cat being in ICU and she doesn’t even fully process the first thing that she says before it’s out her own lips.

“Do they even have ICU for cats?”

Garcia blinks. “Cats?”

And that is when Kim learns that for the past six months or so, everyone had thought she was dating Sean Roman, her asshole ex-partner.

Her asshole ex-partner who was recently just shot.

Naturally, the truth that Kim has a cat called Roman, and is not dating Sean Roman, isn’t spread around even a quarter as fast as the opposite was, and two days later Kim is still being asked, repeatedly, about Roman the human.

And even when Kim corrects them, they all pull the same kind of look at asks her if she’s sure—like she really doesn’t know who is and isn’t in her bed. Even Platt looks at her a little doubtfully.

Tay finds this all hilarious.

She finds it even more hilarious when on the third day, Kim walks into the district holding her pet carrier with a very confused Roman sitting in it. She hadn’t exactly been thrilled about having to take in Roman—although once he realised they weren’t at the vets, he seemed more calm—but needs must. Kim puts the pet carrier on Platt’s desk.

“Sarge, this is my cat, Roman. Proof I am very much not dating my ex-partner but that I am instead a dedicated cat mother. Now if you’ll allow it, I’d appreciate some time to go round and introduce my fluffy boy to the rest of the officers because I am ending this rumour, once and for all.”

Platt has had a range of different reactions to Kim’s demands before, and she never knows exactly how the desk sergeant is going to react. But today she knew it was going to be one of two ways; either Platt was going to tell her to get the fuck out and return cat-less, or she was going to find it all very amusing and let her continue.

Kim had hoped and hoped all morning that it would be the latter.

Luckily, it is.

“On you go, Burgess.” Platt had chuckled, a rare compliment in itself. “I’ve got to say, I’m relieved your brains aren’t totally useless, I thought you had better taste. And this Roman is an improvement on the previous one.”

It sounds like a compliment, but Kim doesn’t quite know what to think about Platt thinking she was dating Sean and very uncharacteristically not saying anything about it to her? There’s no time to dwell on that, however, she has a record to correct.

Even with her physical cat—and a photocopy of some of his vet records to prove his name—it’s still a frustrating job trying to convince everyone that yes, she’s really not dating Sean and that yes, all she’s mentioned Roman since he left was all about a cat.

Kim didn’t want to stay too long at the district, not wanting to put Roman through too much, but she ends up staying longer than she had planned. She’s giving him a little fuss in the quietness of the locker, checking to see if he seemed too overwhelmed.

“This is my locker,” she coos at her boy, pointing it out. “And right here is where I got engaged. And then un-engaged. Which is why I got you.”

Kim isn’t too sure when she became that person, the person to talk to her pets, but she had. She is just getting more relaxed and less frustrated by the fact that she’s having to do this, at the absolute absurdity of it, when another officer enters the locker room and she’s explaining, again, that she’s not dating Sean Roman.

This officer is being rather obtuse. He crosses his arms, and a look of triumph appears on his face and Kim just knows, knows, that she’s going to hate what he next says. She’s not wrong.

“Then why did he transfer? All you gave us was non answer bull, because you were dating him and you didn’t want everyone to know you’re a badge bunny. C’mon, Burgess. We all know you wanted to get into intelligence, fucking that Ruzek didn’t give you that, so you moved on to your partner. It’s fine, no one is judging you.”

“Excuse me?” The officer is lucky that she’s still holding Roman, otherwise she wouldn’t be accountable for her actions, that she’d be tempted to go for him. But as she’s holding her cat, she just enthuses her words with as much spite as she could without being too loud to not startle Roman.

“Get this through your head. I. Am. Not. Dating. Sean. Fucking. Roman.” Kim practically growls. Roman licks her chin. “And I didn’t fuck Ruzek, I was engaged to him, there’s a big fucking difference. And why we split has nothing to do with work, intelligence or any of your business. And fucking a cop, or two, or more, wouldn’t make me a badge bunny—it just means like every other profession, your colleagues are also your peers.

“And for why my old partner transferred? Because he wanted more and I didn’t and he was so fucking cowardly that he couldn’t just continue here or not make a big deal over it—and if you want a badge bunny, there he is. Because he has the record for seeing his partners as eligible romantic options not fellow officers and then running away, not me. Now get the fuck out of my face and I might consider not telling Sergeant Platt that she has a sexist officer.”

Kim has no intention of not telling Platt, but it’s worth saying it just to watch the officer’s face pale and watch him leave hastily. She immediately breathes out when she does so, smiling at Roman as he licks her chin again.

“Kim?” She looks up from her cat, to see Kevin—Atwater—standing in the locker room, looking at her with a sheepish and apologetic expression.

“I heard what he said to you—if you need a co-witness for your statement to Platt.” He tells her and Kim gets an ache in her heart at Kevin still knowing her so well that he knows, despite what she said, that she’ll be reporting the officer.

“Thank you.” Kim gives him a small smile, hoping that maybe there’s a way for them to fix the split between them. There’s a bit of an awkward silence so Kim approaches the pet carrier again.

“Anyway, I’ll get out of your hair now.” She says. She would’ve put Roman back in to the carrier then, but he stubbornly refused.

“No—I came in here to see you. I wanted to talk.” Kevin stops her anyway. “Well, rather apologize. I didn’t realise you had gotten a cat that day when I—”

Kim immediately gets what he is saying, a dawning realisation falling upon her.

“And you thought I was dating Sean, too. Right after breaking up with Adam.” Everything Kim said comes rushing back to her. “And thought I was telling you I wanted out families aka my new boyfriend to mix, when Adam is still hurting and is your best friend.”

“Exactly. I’m sorry, Burg. I shouldn’t have assumed.”

Kim is shaking her head. “No, I’m sorry. I just wanted to make sure you knew that you’re still my family, and that your siblings would probably love to fuss over a cat I didn’t think about phrasing. I’m just happy you didn’t choose Adam over me—I thought... I thought you loved him more,”

“Come here,” Kevin holds out his arms and Kim immediately goes in for the hug despite the cat occupying her arms. “Adam’s my bro, but you’re my sister. I could never choose between you.”

Roman squirms so they end the hug sooner than they probably would’ve, but Kim already feels so much lighter. She smiles, properly this time, at him.

“So then, do you want to bring Jordan and Vinessa over to meet my very cute cat? I’ll give them some treats to give him and he’ll love them forever,” Kim asks him again and Kevin smiles back.

“I’d love that.”

Kevin then pauses, frowning a little. “Have you talked to Adam?”

“... Not since the break up.” Kim shook her head.

“You should. Or I could, if you don’t want to see him. Just—he also thinks you’ve been dating Roman—the human Roman. And he’s not been dealing well with it at all.”

Kim’s heart immediately twists painfully.

Adam.

It’s been hard for her to remember that gossip reaches Intelligence’s ears all the same, and that Adam would hear things, things about her, that she doesn’t tell him. From basically the beginning, Adam’s always heard things through her telling him, usually the first one to find out—that is, until they broke up. But still it is a foreign concept for Kim to get her head around, that just because he’s not hers anymore, because they’re not together, it doesn’t mean that he somehow is blocked from ever finding out things about her, that just because she’s not telling him doesn’t mean someone isn’t.

Her heart aches. Aches because she should’ve realised, aches because she didn’t.

It’s been six months of an easy life, of low pressure and just existing, living in a peaceful bubble of just Roman and her, of healing and processing and moving on and a lot of that involved pushing Adam out of her mind, and it’s been good to Kim.

But that bubble bursts now. And Kim hurts—hurts because Adam hurts, because she’s always hurt when he does, and she hurts because it hits her then—she’s healed, and she still so achingly wants Adam.

“No, I’ll tell him—tonight.” Kim tells Kevin. She knows Adam needs to know, know that she never even considered Sean, and she knows that she needs to be the one to tell him.

#ree.writes #burzek #kim burgess #adam ruzek #chicago pd #chicago pd fanfiction #burzek fic #kim burgess x adam ruzek #ree's.writing

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Life In The Fast Lane Chapter 2 - Saudi Arabia

Summary: Plouch Racing is the first team to hit a Formula One milestone, but discussion brings memories Kim’s wanted to forget back to the surface. The time away from Adam doesn’t help either.

Words: 4.6k

Warnings: fatal car crashes, the dangers of motorsports, death. There’s some context notes at the bottom.

—

Kim knew there was a difference between the team budgets, but that difference had become night and day. Especially considering she was spending over a week alone. Before Adam moved team if there was a weekend between races they’d usually have five or six days alone at home before going to the factory. But now he had multiple media appearances and was flying to and from the UK to get to the VR factory. It was constant travel that tired him out. And Kim felt completely left behind.

Usually a race engineer was half engineer, half strategist. She’d work on the strategies on the off weeks. Sometimes she’d still go into the factory to see people and have conversations about car upgrades but usually she’d work remotely. Instead she spent her time between races in Plouch’s Swiss factory, sitting in her usually unused office and plotting strategies for Roman for Saudi Arabia.

He’d actually finished the last race which had surprised her. Not in the points yet, but he wasn’t the last to finish. Plus Antonio had come in P10 to get a point for the team. It could have been a lot worse.

She sat in the cafe with a coffee in hand, picking at the salad in front of her. Adam wasn’t back in Monaco for another few days and she wasn’t heading back before flying to Saudi Arabia. From there it was straight to Melbourne. Sarah and Crockett were flying up to meet everyone so she wouldn’t be alone.

But the little apartment she still kept in Geneva was lonely at the best of times. She hated having to be there, having to be away from Adam. They texted almost constantly and they were on FaceTime every night or two but it wasn’t the same. Lying in bed alone felt wrong after all the time they had together.

One of the only bright spots was that she’d gotten to know and get along with Gabby Dawson. The younger woman had grown up as her slightly older brother’s karting mechanic and until Antonio hit F3 she’d kept it up. But then she’d become his strategist and that had continued on. She was good at her job, enjoyed the work they did, and she and Kim could have good conversations. They hadn’t clicked the same way that Kim and Sarah had but it was a nice friendship in their crazy world.

The day before they were to fly out to Saudi Arabia Gabby was lounging on Kim’s sofa. There was a pizza box open between them for lunch and Die Hard was on tv.

“Is watching a Christmas movie in March really a good idea?” Kim asked and she watched how Gabriella shrugged.

“I’ll pretend I’m on the anti it’s a Christmas film team if it means we can keep watching?”

“Deal.”

They were having the lazy day before going back to the Middle East and everything a double header would entail. Their strategies were as good as done and would be finalised on the flight and they’d spent a solid hour going over ideas for the potential tyre compounds that they could get. There was nothing else to do until either the flight or they arrived at the track on Thursday to set up. A knock at the door surprised Kim, but she opened it to Sarah, Crockett, and Lolly standing there with their cases.

“Hi Kim!” Lolly said before going mute at seeing Gabby there.

“Hey Lolly. Do you remember Gabby? She works with Antonio on the other side of the garage.” Lolly nodded but still clung to her dad.

“It’s really nice to meet you. Trudy told me a lot about you, she showed me your desk in her office.” Gabby moved to the armchair while speaking and the mention of Trudy helped calm Lolly down.

“Sorry for bagging in, the hotel we’d booked screwed up our reservations. Can we stay in your spare room tonight?”

“Of course, come on in.”

They ended up sitting on the couches and armchairs watching movies. Instead of the evening of well watched thrillers it became a Marvel marathon. The four women sat there and watched while Crockett cooked blackened chicken for them to eat. It was a chance for them to all get along and get to know each other, and as far as bonding sessions went it worked really well.

Gabby looked at Lolly’s kart bundled in the hallway, turning to the little family as she put her coat and hat on to leave.

“Is this Lolly’s?”

“Yes.” Lolly had gotten her AAC app back up to talk to the new woman.

“When you decide to go karting will you tell me if I’m around? I used to go with my brother all the time, I was his mechanic. I can be yours if you want?”

It was really sweet to offer and Lolly nodded seriously. The app said thanks before Gabby left the apartment. Once she was gone and the four year old was tucked up in bed Kim sat on the couch with her best friends, Disney Plus turning Criminal Minds on instead.

“I think Gabby’s lonely,” Kim said slowly as Sarah turned around.

“We talk to her!”

“We talked to her three times, Sarah. I heard VR weren’t fans when she took over as her brother’s strategist but she knows her stuff. We should hang out with her for meals at the track. Especially if she wants to help Lolly, she loves that kart.” Crockett smiled at his wife before squeezing her hand once, Kim watching how Sarah nearly melted into him.

“We took her to Eze three times, it’s not even funny how much she enjoyed it. Al Olinsky was there with his daughter, Lexi is doing French F4 this year. She won her karting class last year and managed a sponsorship. He said Lolly has a talent for it but I don’t want to push her into it when it’s our lives.”

Kim let the conversation run over her as they sat there with the show on low. For the first time since returning from Bahrain she felt vaguely normal.

“Was it just the two of you?” She thought she sounded normal but Crockett’s expression made it clear that she hadn’t quite hit the mark.

“Adam came twice, he was in Monaco for a couple of days. Voight had him doing events in France and Belgium because Halstead doesn’t speak French. He made a joke about Bob traipsing around Europe for karting races with him helped for something. Have you been talking much?”

“We’re trying.” It was quiet until Kim spoke again. “We’ve both been so busy and I couldn’t leave Geneva. Texts and bedtime FaceTimes had to be enough. I think.”

“You’ll have time together in Saudi. We’re all staying in the same hotel, and the morality police won’t be allowed in the hotel.”

Kim smiled and tried to let it roll over her. It’d be fine. It had to be.

The flight to Jeddah was nearly six hours with everybody on the one wide body jet together. It meant that most people could have two seats as they lounged around or worked for the flight. Kim and Gabby had taken over a row of three seats to work on tyre strategies as they passed data points back and forth on an iPad. It was easy to ignore the noise as they worked. Roman was himself and had fallen asleep over a row of four seats with his eye mask on, but Dawson walked around the plane to greet everyone he hadn’t met yet.

“Kim Burgess, it’s nice to see you again!:

“Hey Antonio,” she replied as she stood to hug the older man. “Sorry I wasn’t here for your first race with us, well done on the points.”

It was clear that the drop to their team had hit him hard but he still smiled at the praise. “Platt runs a good team and Gabby’s good at her job, it was everyone’s hard work. It’s nice to see you here with all of us this time. Te gusto Bahrain?”

Kim replied in Spanish and the Dawson siblings continued the conversation in their native language. It had been a while since she’d gotten to stretch her Spanish skills and it was nice to have an in depth conversation in Spanish about work that wasn’t with a reporter who’d criticise if she missed a verb. Instead of the generic brief she’d given Roman shortly after boarding Antonio was interested in the tyre strategies they’d come up with for the race.

“So it’ll be a one stopper you’re telling me?” He asked as he looked over the colour coded spreadsheet in front of them.

“That’s the plan. If you’re potentially in the points we might try get you on softs with ten to go and try to get a fastest lap point to go with it. We’re pretty sure it’s going to be a Spa style race.” Gabby nodded as she showed the fastest lap point plan they’d spent a solid twenty minutes refining from their initial point of “drive fast”.

“This is…thanks. It makes sense, but if I’m not near the points then it doesn’t really matter, does it? Or do you want to take that point off people?”

“A little from column A, a little from column B.” The three of them laughed quietly, not noticing Roman coming up behind Antonio until he was there.

“What’s going on?”

“We’re talking strategy for the race. Do you have a preference for a one or two stop?”

“Does it really matter?” He walked off and Kim rolled her eyes, the action not going unnoticed by the other two.

“Is he always like that?” Gabby swapped to Spanish.

“Unfortunately. But the sponsorship money helps put up with it. At least Rhodes and Hawkins care about their teams.”

The heat hit them harshly when they made it to Jeddah, everyone piling onto the buses when they arrived in the evening. Lolly had begun to get tired and cling to her parents with Kim sitting in the row behind them. Fortunately one of the travel aides had the genius idea of doing a group check in so she could just hand out keys to everyone as they arrived. Once Kim took the card she hoisted up her bags to make it to the small room.

As soon as the door opened she was surprised to see the lights were on and a blast of cold air came out of the room to her. When she went inside and closed the door Adam was standing there with a paper bag in his hand, making Kim grin at him.

“You’re here?” It nearly didn’t feel real. It had been nine days without each other. They’d left Bahrain on Monday the week before and now it was Wednesday. But he was there and standing right in front of her.

“I’m here.” She dropped the case and ran into his arms as Adam pulled her close easily.

“This sucked.”

“It fucking sucked. Mouse kept telling me I looked like I was missing a limb when I was at the factory.” She reached up to kiss him, being in his arms and having him right there was enough for now.

“I think that’s the longest we’ve gone since we started dating.” He nodded and pushed a kiss to her forehead.

“I got you some rice dish that they said was good in a restaurant down the street. It’s rice and chicken and dates and I don’t even know what spices. Sarah said you were all getting room service together so I wanted to make sure you ate.”

“She helped you plan this?”

“We were in Eze with Lolly and she saw how miserable I was without you.” Kim laughed, sitting on the little desk as Adam sat in the armchair for them to split their meal. “Can I stay here tonight? I just want to be with you for a while.”

It felt like things were the wrong way around for them in the morning. Kim lay in bed and watched Adam slip out, head swivelling so he could get away unseen. She went down for breakfast and sat at a table with Sarah, Crockett, Lolly, and Gabby. She could feel Adam across the room from her but refused to risk looking over at him. Instead though Lolly ran to hug him when she saw him.

“Adam!”

“Hey Miss Lolly, let’s go back to your mom?” He came back to the table with her and greeted everyone. It was a weird moment to need to be professional because Gabby was there instead of not being able to be themselves.

“When are the two of you just going to sleep together?” Gabby asked as Lolly was occupied after Adam went back to his table, Kim turning and staring at her.

“What?”

“You know half the paddock has bets on the two of you getting together, right? I thought you just weren’t because of his dad. But he can’t take his eyes off you.”

The conversation stopped after Kim denied it, but the thought kept going through her head. If it wasn’t for the job at VR they probably would have announced they were dating over the winter break. But the idea of not getting to work with that strategy team hurt. She’d fit in well and thrived and she wanted to wear the uniform. She was good enough for it. She deserved it. She’d proven herself but if Voight didn’t think that she was professional enough and good enough she couldn’t get the job and that would be the end of it.

The setup time at the track was normal, Kim keeping an eye on Roman’s performance at the press conference as she showed Gabby the ways she set up the pit wall. Everyone did it differently and it was a good way to help her learn how she’d want to do it. Between them everything was finished and connected to their systems within half an hour so they could head for the debrief with Trudy.

It was the one thing that their Team Principal insisted on every day that they were at a track. The two lead race engineers would go over their plans so far for the weekend, what had gone well and what could be improved on. It was tiring and stressful and Trudy picked holes they hadn’t considered in their plans, but she did it because she wanted them to succeed. This time it was the two of them them with mugs of coffee in hand on the sofa, Lolly sitting in her corner colouring away on a Goat Racing colouring book.

“Miss Olivia’s in here because Sarah’s doing some work with the drivers and Crockett’s meeting the medical team. Does that work?”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

They went over the strategy plan and what had changed on each car, sipping coffee as they chatted. It was as informal as any of these got.

“We need to be careful with the front wings. We’ve swapped out to more downforce available because it’s a street circuit, but I’m not sure if it’s totally stable. I don’t have any worries about Dawson but it might be an issue for Roman. I’d re-evaluate what’s going on after FP1 tomorrow and then decide if we’ll change back. We’ve got both wings here.” Gabby took a cookie from the plate on the coffee table after she finished speaking.

“I agree. I want to see how Sean does around the circuit and what his lap times come out to. Last year he crashed out on lap twelve but the year before he finished. Our decision should depend on the mood and the track. It’s supposed to be good weather with temperatures around eighteen degrees. The track temp will be around thirty or so but we’ll get accurate weather information tomorrow. Hopefully the downforce and some good track conditions will get heat into the tyres easily.”

“You’ve got it well in hand. I don’t think I need to remind you that this team is making history this weekend, do I?” Kim and Gabby both looked at Trudy quizzically. “This is the first Formula One race weekend that a team will have a team principal and both lead race engineers be women. Wallace Boden reminded me of that when I saw him earlier, and Netflix want to interview both of you about your careers. They’ll be around after FP2 tomorrow for that.

It was an early night in Adam’s room before Kim got up and went to the garages for the first practice session. The cars were sleek, carbon fibre and steel ready to race around the track at outrageous speeds. It was a hive of activity and people getting ready to go.

But the practice sessions passed too quickly for Kim to really enjoy with the interview hanging over her head. She didn’t want to go and didn’t want to deal with it, but once the cars were back and Roman and Dawson were out she was sent to the media room Netflix had set up. She sat in a chair in the middle of the dark room, looking around.

“It’s just some questions, nothing big. We’ve got a lot of female fans and we want to show them that they can have a job in motorsport too.”

The first few questions were softballs, how did she get into engineering and how did she start in Formula One. Had she ever regretted going into it? Her response of the awful sleep pattern being a regret got a laugh. But it was the last question that made her stop for a moment.

“What does being involved in Formula One mean for your life outside of work? We see drivers not able to keep relationships going when they’ve got the money to fly to places for a night or two. What happens when that’s not an option?” She swallowed and tightened her fist for a moment.

“It’s hard. It’s really hard. I’ve missed birthdays, weddings…my niece was ill and I only found out afterwards because I was in Australia when it happened. Being honest and explaining what happens helps. But its not easy. We’ve got a married couple working with us at Plouch, they travel with their daughter. And that’s a stress on them but we all love it. You can’t do this job if you don’t completely love what you do and love motorsports.”

“Do you think you can keep doing this if you want a family? It’s a dangerous sport to be involved in.”

“I don’t know. There’s drivers who do it - look at Matt Casey. Sylvie’s there with their kids at every race when school isn’t in session, and at basically every European one because they’re close to home. Daniel Charles at Gaffney has his wife and daughter with him at every race. Ethan Choi’s family don’t tend to come to many races but he’s the first one to leave after everything’s done on Sundays to get home to see them. Trudy Platt set this team up when her son was in his teens. I think it’s hard, but it’s doable if you have the right support. But this sport…” She paused and took a minute to breathe, blinking back the tears that threatened whenever she talked about it. “It’s so much safer than it was in the past. If you told people there’d been two on track deaths in a decade they’d have called you a liar. But I was Justin Voight’s race engineer and I remember trying not to beg down the radio for him to respond to me after that crash. I was watching the telemetry and we knew something bad had happened even before the medics got there but we were just praying something had gone wrong with the sensors even though we knew it hadn’t. This is a dangerous sport. And we don’t tend to acknowledge just how dangerous it can be at times. I’m on the pit wall, I’m generally safe. But I can see why between the travel and the danger people can find it hard to make it work. God knows I do.”

“So there’s nobody special in your life?”

“My life has a lot of special people in it. Right now I’m not missing much, except maybe my bed!”

Kim left after saying goodbye, texting Trudy that she couldn’t make the debrief. She got back a terse no problem but she could explain what had happened in the morning. Right then all she wanted was a large drink to wipe away the grief and misery of having to talk about Justin. But they were at a stupid race in a stupid country with stupid no alcohol rules for most stupid places and she couldn’t let herself be seen like this. She couldn’t let people see her upset.

Instead she forced a smile as she walked down the paddock. A little girl stopped her as she walked to ask for an autograph because she wanted to be a “nengine-eerer” like Kim. She grinned and bent down for a photo with the child, signing her Plouch Racing shirt and promising if they were at the entrance to the garage in the morning she’d get Gabby to sign it too. The parents were grateful and thanked Kim repeatedly, the mother realising something wasn’t quite right and pulling everyone else away. Finally she got a cab back to the hotel and went into Adam’s room.

It was only once she’d gotten in there that she could let herself feel again. She’d seen awful crashes before at so many tracks. Kelly Severide’s car had gone up in flames when she was watching and he’d barely made it out. But Justin had been a freak accident, his car had clipped another and spun sideways into the barrier in Spa. The radio was open but he was barely speaking unless it was urgent, in the much needed points. He’d been driving around the corner and whatever way the racing line went he couldn’t follow and he’d spun out to hit the barrier at far too high a speed. The car had crumpled just like it should, the halo protecting his head from anything external.

“Justin? Justin can you hear me? Justin get out of the car. Hit a button. Something. Tell me what’s going on.”

The silence on the other end of the radio was endless as the red flags were called and everyone was brought in. Adam had been their reserve at the time and he had a headset on like everyone else in the garage. Everyone was tuned to the silent radio line. Kim could hear the muted tones from the coverage on the large TVs. The sound was blurry in her head as she focused on the fact that every piece of telemetry was showing nothing.

“It looks like that was one of the Plouch cars that went into the barrier. Do we know who it was, Bob?”

“Well we’ve just seen Halstead back in the garage so it’s Voight. The marshals are going over but there’s no signs of fire. I can see—“

“Let’s go to the pit lane. What do you see there, Sharon?”

It took twenty minutes for them to get him out. It was nineteen minutes too long. She knew from minute two what the outcome would be but she had to be professional, couldn’t yell. Mouse’s hand had gripped hers hard as they waited for confirmation before Trudy gathered everyone into the conference room. Hank had been there and Kim had never seen a more broken man.

The tears were streaming down her face as the door opened, Adam spotting her and dropping to the ground to hold her hand.

“Hey, hey, hey. Kim. Kim, what’s going on?” She felt him pull her close and wiped her eyes, desperate to stop sobbing.

“I…we’re making history this week with all female engineers and an all female team principal so Netflix wanted to interview me. Longest serving female engineer still on the grid and all that. But they brought up how dangerous the sport is…”

“And they mentioned Justin?”

“Yeah.” The sobs started again and Adam just held her closer.

“It wasn’t your fault. We all know that. Hank knows it, the FIA knows it, Erin knows it. You hadn’t talked to him for three laps and conditions hadn’t changed. None of it was ever your fault, Kim.”

“But if I’d just done something.” His fingers carded through her hair as he kissed her forehead, holding Kim close.

“Every single time we go out in those cars we know what could happen. It could be like Justin, or it could be like Andy Darden’s crash, or it could be one of the thousands that have happened. Its why I always tell you I love you. But we know the risk when we get involved, Justin knew it too. It was bad luck and nothing else. I promise.”

It took a few more minutes for Kim to calm down, wiping her sore eyes with the back of her hand.

“I should be more put together about this. It’s been almost three years.”

“You watched your friend die, Kim. You didn’t get to have the hope everyone else had because you had access to everything. Plus we all saw the way Voight spoke about the accident afterwards. I know he apologised but it’s still gonna leave a mark.”

“Yeah. Ugh, I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to apologise for.”

She managed to do her job for the weekend, just about keeping her head together even with the memories flashing through. Roman got through practice and qualified P18. It was a sign of how things were that they were celebrating not being last. Antonio made it to P12 with a good chance of scraping into the points to make the mood high in the garage post qualifying.

It didn’t last. Roman was lapped twice but had a DNF in lap 42, causing a safety car that meant Adam lost out on a podium. Antonio stayed in 11th, Stella Kidd’s smart defending keeping him out of the points and putting a damper on the whole weekend. Kim was thrilled for the first female F1 driver in years getting points, she’d wanted to talk to Stella if she got the chance. It would stop the media only talking about Stella and Kelly Severide at least.

But this was a double header so once the debrief was over everyone went back to the hotel to pick up their bags before heading to the airport. She pulled her eye mask down as soon as they took off. It was a stopover in Singapore where they could get off the plane, stretch their legs, buy some food and relax for an hour or two before onto Melbourne. Nearly as soon as she arrived she’d have a meeting with VR to discuss strategy and the last thing she wanted to deal with on the flight was more complaining from Roman about how he finished. Instead she pulled her hood over her head, curled up, and forced herself into the first dreamless sleep she’d had since the Netflix interview.

Notes:

Netflix does a TV show called Drive To Survive, that’s what Kim is interviewed for.

Justin Voight’s crash is essentially the same as what happened to Anthoine Hubert in the F2 race in Spa in 2019. He clipped a car, his car went over another, and Hubert was killed while Juan had spinal injuries. Correa only returned to racing in 2021, and made his F2 return in November 2022 for the last race of the season.

Andy Darden’s crash is based on Jules Bianchi’s crash in 2014. A car spun out on a corner at the track in Suzuka, and while under double yellow flags (a warning that there’s something on the track), a tractor crane was brought onto the track. Bianchi’s car collided with the tractor crane thanks to poor visibility. Bianchi died nine months later after being in a coma since the crash as the first fatality in Formula One since 1994. His death brought in more safety features such to FIA open cockpit racing.

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