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#but then in the comments people talk about it as though that's the shittiest thing a kid could ever do??
colognedecigarette · 1 year
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some people just never experienced living in a community and it shows. 😭😭
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BOO!!!!! sillyguy jumpscare
“looks like a raver ancient built him” - my friend
“i am SUCH a fan of how you make all of your fanocs annoying himbos with unnecessary swag” - my other friend
“he’s fresh sans” - like, two people
so — he’s finally here!!! the Basketball!!!! be warned INSANE and MINDBLOWING loredrop below‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ as well as some general trivia about NWB + some more silly doodles
The Ancients, dissatisfied with the very prominent lack of results the Iterator project was bringing, began having doubts. Perhaps they had gone about this the wrong way? After all, the jellyfish that doesn’t try is the one that doesn’t get caught in the net. It seemed they had made their design of the Iterators inherently flawed — they tried too hard to solve the Problem, over and over and over again.
It was time for something new. An alternative.
And so, the idea for the Anti-Iterator project was brought into the world — a whole generation of Iterators that didn’t try. Some called it redundant, some pointless. But it convinced plenty, certainly enough to make that idea a reality, and the plan came into fruition.
No Way Back was the first created; his name was given to him to signify a turning point, a new era of Iterators. One that would bring with it change and, hopefully, finally, a solution.
so anyway NWB did absolutely nothing except talk excessively about the ancients’ fashion and sometimes ask them for their drip clothes for his collection and also make cringefail music. the project was discontinued immediately
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NOW!!! TOP 10 GAMER TRIVIA:
- makes the shittiest sounding music possible, sincerely believes it’s peak art. if you don’t think the same way he’ll say You dont get it. You just dont
- fan of fashion, art & history, but in a normal way (unlike pebbles). really wishes he could have a whole wardrobe of clothes like his creators, but they’re all gone now </3 and even back then when they were all still alive they. did not like giving him stuff (they did not like him)
- one of them did give him the nikeys though
- most of his creators deemed him useless and didn’t particularly care for him. however, some of them (usually the kids) liked talking with NWB, and he enjoyed interacting with them too. he kind of misses the ancients even if they were asses
- is an enigma to his local group: he barely sends messages, and when he does it’s wildly off topic, and literally NEVER about work related stuff. occasionally he’ll drop his “bangers” in the groupchat and ask for opinions. unfortunately most of the iterators ignore him because they find him annoying (and useless as well. very ancientcore of them)
- kind of incomprehensible. he just says things
- doesn’t really have a god complex so he’s generally friendly, open-minded and easy going, but if you’re mean to him he’ll go Wow. Not cool, man. and he’ll probably give you a lecture like a 90s PSA
- calls himself a DJ. doesn’t even have a proper DJ name. probably doesn’t even know what a club is
- fan of nature, enjoyer of life. has no friends and no purpose but doesn’t let it get to him. at least he can make the equivalent of cbat 2 and force every iterator in the world to listen to it
- he’s stupid but he’s also really smart because. supercomputer. however he chooses to not use his brain and instead be silly. he thinks it’s funnier that way
- sometimes sends his music to other iterators besides his local group’s. they also ignore him
- you really can’t tell when he’s being ironic or not, and whether he’s really THAT dumb or if he’s just trolling. one thing for sure — he loves to mess with the stuck-up iterators from his local group if they decide to bother him
- if the ancients had any equivalent of the 80s, he would’ve been a very very big fan of it
- loves animals too. would call slugcat “little dude”
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leave your thoughts in the COMMENTS below!!! remember to LIKE and SUBSCRIBE and listen to DJNWB on SPOTIFY (suddenly becomes normal) if you have any questions feel free to ask and i will answer. i love this guy he’s my everything
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braywashed · 16 days
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How can we let WWE know that Pretty Deadly have won the hearts of another fandom that is completely unrelated to sports and also that Kit and Elton have been fan cast for the roles of two major characters from a Tolkien book? 😄
If I may also add that prior to watching that Magic Mike video, I thought that Elton was the more graceful one of the two but now I think it's definitely Kit. He did a great job with the dance and the entire choreography while Elton seems to have struggled a bit more, especially with the hips moves.
As a person with so much insight, I was wondering how do you think Pretty Deadly are liked amongst wrestling fans? I watched almost every video I could find of them in the past few days and they certainly have their fanbase but they also have detractor (which I guess is normal). I noticed that when they win a match sometimes they are being booed by the public? Or is the audience making the spooky fingers wooo sound?
I still can't believe how two wrestling guys won my heart! The fact that they are so similar to Celegorm and Curufin in appearance and in character definitely helped but now I also love them for themselves because they are so hilarious and entertaining and such good friends! I am eager to know as much about them as possible!
lmao, I mean... you could tweet them... though they've heard 'Legolas' so many times and begrudgingly meme'd about it that they might not want to know. But they do have twitters! And they'd probably love more fanart and shit! Who knows. They might appreciate the deeper dive reference.
Also it's funny, I could talk about their physicality for like an hour. I think Kit tends to be a little stiffer than Elton, which lends better for Elton for like... jumps and shit. But I think Kit is better with like, motions. Like actual muscle manipulation? idk. He used to have a lot of weird shit in his moveset.
"so much insight" adjsajdsljsdllalkdj thanks
So, I guess, idk, two things -
1.) They're heels/bad guys. Them being booed is expected and actually a good thing, that's their job. That means they're doing it well. Silence is the worst reaction they could get. There's actually a big chunk of like, long term fans who make comments like "Wow, I actually genuinely hate these guys... and that's a good thing." and that's just absolutely true. They're vain, they cheat, they're there to make the good guys look better. It's not super often in this day and age that a tag team makes people feel some type of way like that, and a lot of those same people will tell you they feel like they came out of the 80s for that reason. There's a lot about them in both character and just overall presentation, and the stuff they do in the ring, that appeals to like, actual fans of different eras, and not just a modern fanbase.
But like 2.) The "Main Roster" so to speak of the 'E is.... difficult. Because half the fanbase aren't those fans, they're casual fans or a younger audience. And unfortunately, since they were brought off the developmental show (which primarily has a very loyal unique audience and is almost always broadcast from the same building as opposed to on the road), and also because there was an injury early in the run, they got kind of... stunted, I think. They kind of went from one of their biggest up and coming acts to being pushed to the sidelines. So you end up with half a crowd that doesn't "get it" so to speak, or just dislikes them because... well... a lot of wrestling still appeals to a less than great crowd and they're the effeminate English guys and like, das gay, bro. So I think if you're watching stuff from Smackdown in particular, the reaction to them is a little unfortunate, and I'm hoping that changes soon because there's some new teams on the show after the past couple weeks and maybe they'll finally get a new storyline to work with to kinda re-introduce them.
Anyway I am glad you love them.
I love that they bonded over having the shittiest favorite Friends character. And that they claim the first thing they did in public after lockdown ended was do the stupid Dirty Dancing lift in the middle of the street in front of their girlfriends. Goals tbh.
Also some of my favorite things said about them besides Elves comparisons is "Didn't Ramona Flowers date both of these guys at the same time?" and "These guys remind me of Sailor Moon villains." Like ah, yes, they are exactly my Type.
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thebluespirit83 · 3 years
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debunking pro-snape/anti-james arguments and putting it on the internet because clearly i hate myself. buckle up. this is gonna be a VERY long post. im ready for the amount of hate i will get; im willing to take one for the team. 
1. james forced lily into dating/marrying/etc him 
this literally never happened? because its almost as if lily is her own person who is able to stand up for herself-
“I wouldn’t go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid,” said Lily.
“LEAVE HIM ALONE!” Lily shouted. She had her own wand out now. James and Sirius eyed it warily.
She turned on her heel and hurried away [from james]. 
-and so she would not allow someone to walk all over her. its almost as if james (canonically) matured as a person, and she appreciated this, realised he was a good person and got feelings for him? because james’ only negative traits were that he was conceited and a show off. people are able to mature and grow from these things! james did this! he did not ‘force’ lily to go out with him!
2. james and the other marauders bullied snape
you know what, i cant even disagree with this one. you’re right - they did bully him. but lets look a little bit at the context. 
sirius and james were both upper class, naive white rich boys. they are idiots. they were both stupid smart teenagers!! they were popular! and while this does not excuse the gross bullying snape was subject to-
Pink soap bubbles streamed from Snape’s mouth at once; the froth was covering his lips, making him gag, choking him
Several people watching laughed; Snape was clearly unpopular ... Snape was trying to get up, but the jinx was still operating on him; he was struggling, as though bound by invisible ropes.
-it (unfortunately) makes sense with context. james and sirius also stopped bullying people, and even expressed discomfort/regret with the way they acted-
“I’m not proud of it,” said Sirius quickly.
“Of course he was a bit of an idiot!” said Sirius bracingly, “we were all idiots!
[sirius talking to remus] you made us feel ashamed of ourselves sometimes
A lot of people are idiots at the age of fifteen. He grew out of it.
-when they were younger! i’d also like to point out these little lines i noticed when i was finding quotes for my argument which snape stans like to ignore:
James and Snape hated each other from the moment they set eyes on each other
I mean, he [snape] never lost an opportunity to curse James
there was a flash of light and a gash appeared on the side of James’s face, spattering his robes with blood
wow, look at that. the hate they felt for each other was mutual! snape also jinxed james! but oh wait - james was the one who matured! snape was the one who bullied his son twenty years later because he looked like james! 
3. snape didnt abuse the kids at hogwarts 
here’s a real argument i saw when looking through some pro-snape posts: ‘snape wasn’t an abuser, because abusers don’t let their victims retaliate, but snape did let the kids talk back to him’
what. the. fuck?! 
this is the dictionary.com definition of abuse: ‘to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way’ or ‘to speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or about’. i’m pretty sure snape did both of these things-
“I don’t need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!”
“So,” said Snape, gripping Harry’s arm so tightly Harry’s hand was starting to feel numb.
Snape threw Harry from him with all his might.
[hermione’s teeth]  "I see no difference."
‘Idiot boy!’ snarled Snape [at neville]
-on multiple occasions. i’d also like to remind you guys that neville’s worst fear is SNAPE?! his TEACHER, a figure that is supposed to be there for emotional and educational support is his worst fear in this entire world?! above the woman who drove his parents to insanity? over failure, over his abusive grandmother, over everything? his teacher? and for the pro-snaper that used this quote-
Nearly everyone laughed. Even Neville grinned apologetically.
-to claim that it was a joke, it isn’t a joke. because when snape came out of that cupboard, he was terrified. yes, it’s an embarrassing thing to have as your boggart, but the point is is that it is. he is terrified of that man. 
4. james only joined the order because his wife was a muggleborn and he ‘had to’
this is just factually incorrect. james had been sticking up for muggleborn rights since he was in school, far before he started dating or even became friends with lily: 
“Apologize to Evans!” James roared at Snape, his wand pointed threateningly at him.
“I’d NEVER call you a - you-know-what!”
so this is literally not true!! plus, at least he did join the order, whatever his reasons where (which were canonically good). snape didnt join the order. snape was friends with someone who suffered discrimination in society, and instead of using his privilege to help her and support her, he joined a group that was set on murdering people like her. when james had a friend who underwent oppression (remus/lycanthropy) you know what he did? he illegally became an animagus. 
5. snape had to be a death eater to survive at hogwarts as he roomed with blood supremacists
this is the shittiest excuse i have ever seen in my entire life. as a poc, this comment really reminds me of the argument ‘i was raised in a racist white household! i cant control my beliefs!’
you can always control your beliefs. i understand not going on big rants about blood inequality in front of a bunch of supremacists, and i understand wanting to blend and fit in (especially because he was unpopular and needed the support the slytherin boys provided), but i will never understand then becoming an active member of the group yourself. he got the dark mark. he helped voldemort. he was a death eater, and a proud one at that! no-one forced him to join. this argument literally makes my blood boil. 
6. snape had a lot of trauma from being raised in an abusive household
okay? so did sirius. so did neville. luna was bullied at school, just like snape. harry lived in an abusive household. did any of those people bully children? did any of those people join a blood supremacist group? and dont get me wrong, im not calling any of these people perfect - they all had a lot of flaws - but none of them hurt another people to the extreme that snape did. 
7. snape saved the trio’s lives many times
this is the absolute bare minimum. ‘oh wow, he didnt let harry die!! what a king! he should be respected and praised! we should excuse all of his other actions because he didnt let people die <3′ 
8. snape is not a perfect person, he also did good that many people overlook
you’re right, snape did do some good things in his life. but unfortunately, for me and many others, doing a couple of good things doesnt excuse all of the shitty, abusive things he did too. we’re not ignoring them - we just dont think they’re good enough reasons to forgive him. 
‘but james and sirius hurt others! you ignore all the bad things they did in favour of the good!’ you do the same thing with snape, first of all. second, they did a lot of good stuff. james’ and sirius’ only crimes were being annoying. for being a bit of a dick, conceited, knew they were hot and were a bit entitled. while these things are annoying as fuck, they were also stupid teens that eventually grew out of their behaviour and became better people. not perfect! better. while snape just stayed bitter at the marauders, long after their deaths, and even took his anger out on an innocent child. 
9. people only hate snape because he was poc and queer coded
as a poc and queer person, please stop. this is a very bad excuse. being poc and queer (which im pretty sure he isnt, but anyway) doesnt excuse you from your actions. plus, a huge amount of harry potter readers are poc and lgbtq. why would they hate snape for those reasons?! 
so thats all i got for today. im not gonna go into a deep snily/jily thing because i literally cannot be bothered. anyway im done. i need to go revise, i’ve already spent long enough on this. 
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makeste · 3 years
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BnHA Chapter 311: Hand Gun
Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “thinkin’ about dropping in some woke analogies of the very real and very presently relevant issue of racial profiling idk what do you guys think” and then shrugged and did it without waiting for an answer, and ngl it was a bit sudden, but I’m here for it. All Might was all “DEKU YOU NEED TO EAT” and Deku was all “OKAY” and took his hero bento and went to go stand dramatically on a tower in the rain whilst having some highly anticipated Vestige flashbacks. OFA II was all, “sup, I guess I’m not Kacchan... OR AM I,” and ngl I think he is?? Alternate universes anybody?? Hello??? But anyway, so OFA the First a.k.a. Yoichi was all “remember that time you guys rescued me from my evil brother and Two took my hand and we Had A Moment?”, and Two and Three were all “ahh yeah good times”, and it was very nice and very, very gay. The chapter ended with it being very unclear if Two and Three have actually lent their power to Deku yet or not lmao. Y’all need to get your shit together dudes.
Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “what if I gave a random bad guy a fucking tommy gun that shoots nails” and jesus christ calm down son. The Hawksquad, a.k.a. SQUAWK as per @hotchocolatier​, are all “time to drive aimlessly around town acting like Deku has a restraining order on us because that’s literally the best plan to combat the League we could come up with,” and I have no further comment. Hawks is all “idk about you guys but I want to know more about AFO and Tomura’s whole deal” and I can’t remember the last time I identified so strongly with one of these characters. All Might is all, “[EXPLODES???]”, and the chapter ends with that mysterious hot girl from the Tartarus breakout being all “HELLO I CAN TURN INTO A GUN AND I LITERALLY DON’T GIVE A FUCK” and (1) WOW, and (2) IT’S TRUE, SHE CAN, AND SHE REALLY DOESN’T. GODDAMN.
(ETA: so this wholly escaped my notice on the first go, and also has nothing to do with the chapter itself, but I only just realized that this chapter was scanlated by a new group, TCB Scans. they actually did a very good job, and I’m curious if they’ve found a new RAW provider, because the quality this week is actually crazy good in comparison to what we’ve been dealing with for the past few months. I’m gonna have to get caught up on what exactly happened here lol.)
so what will it be this week? more Vestige antics? more of Sad Nomad Deku standing on buildings and pretending like he’s some cool aloof antihero, as if he could fool us when we all know his hero backpack is secretly stuffed full with his nerd diaries and the remnants of all the hero bentos that All Might keeps giving him?? or, just putting it out there, just a crazy thought, but you don’t suppose we might actually cut back to U.A.? mmm. side-eyes emoji
maaaaaan I’m starting to get tired of this trend of beginning chapters by dropping in on random power-tripping civilians and/or Shindou lol. just once can we get a chapter that opens with someone I actually give a fuck about
oh at least Endeavor is here
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A WHAT SUPPORT ITEM!??! HOLY SHIT DDLKJSLFKJL
lol somehow that’s more terrifying than bullets for me?? like I’m fully aware that bullets will fuck you up way worse and that in real life nail guns probably don’t work like this AT ALL and only have a range of like... hold up let me just google... up to 100 to 150 m/s and distances of up to 500m wait WHAT
okay wait. hold up. like I was expecting google to tell me nail guns only shoot a few feet at most, and instead the first search result is some CDC blog article that’s “dispelling” the “””myth””” -- please note my repeated sarcastic quotation marks -- that nail guns can fire 1400 feet per second, by explaining that actually they can fire anywhere from 315 ft/sec to 1,295 ft/sec, and that “it is in the pneumatic nail gun user’s best interest to handle these tools as if they were a firearm despite having a lower velocity” dlkjdslkjflkl
SO THAT SCENE IN IRON MAN 3 WHERE TONY RAIDS A HOME DEPOT AND BUYS A BUNCH OF RANDOM TOOLS AND SHIT AND GOES ON TO STAGE A ONE-MAN INVASION OF AN INTERNATIONAL TERRORIST’S FLORIDA MANSION HQ IS ACTUALLY TRUE. YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT THE FILM “HOME ALONE” IS ACTUALLY A DOCUMENTARY. “the Discovery Channel television program “Mythbusters” compared the penetration capacity of an airborne projectile shot from a pneumatic framing nail gun to that of a 9mm hand gun” HELLO YES AND A MERRY “WHAT THE FUCK” TO YOU AS WELL
anyway, so. there’s apparently a reason why the Number One hero, who can burn people with the intensity of a sun going supernova, is hiding here behind this concrete support column making frowny faces. nope. nuh uh. he ain’t about that. I don’t blame you buddy
so now he’s barrel rolling out of his hiding place and setting this dude THE FUCK ON FIRE because HELL NO. BAD ENOUGH I HAD TO WATCH THAT FUCKING MUSHROOM EPISODE LAST WEEK! YOU TAKE THAT SHIT SOMEWHERE ELSE
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LOL look at his face
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I know the context is actually him being all “I know I’m responsible for basically everything that happened and so that’s why I’m so grim and serious about this mission to set things right piece by piece,” but in my mind this pissed-off face is 100% all because this dude tried to shoot his eye out with a nail gun. look at that. you made him go full flame face again. beard and all. protecting his face so that it can hopefully melt any stray nails that get too close. nope nope nope
good lord. so what’s up next. let me guess the guy fighting Best Jeanist has like an atomic chainsaw or some shit
lol nope we’re just cutting back to Hawks and Jeanist chilling in the Jesla after they’ve wrapped things up
Jeanist has got some serious Groot energy you guys jesus christ he’s like 12 feet tall
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oh snap someone threw a pipe at him now
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today is just the chapter of Endeavor being assaulted by random DIY tools I guess
I mean, I get why they’re pissed at him obviously; I would be too lol. but tbh I also don’t really understand the “get out of here we don’t want your help” attitude that all of these people suddenly seem to have?? like it if were me, I would be fucking DEMANDING for him and the other heroes to be working round the clock to fix their stupid mess. I mean who else is gonna do it?? it’s their mess, I sure don’t want to be the one to clean it up instead. anyways but whatever lol
oh shit?
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so they haven’t dropped the whole “OFA secret potentially gets revealed to the world” thing yet after all. that makes sense I suppose, it did seem like that whole thing wound up playing out a bit too easily
anyway so yeah
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the locals are definitely none too happy. well at least Dabi’s got something to be cheerful about I guess
so now we’re cutting to the interior of the Jesla and they’re chitchatting about the current investigation
oh wow this actually makes a bit of sense now. so there was a reason they were keeping their distance from Deku
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please note that even in this abstract Endeavor’s-Mental-Image-Of-Him panel, Deku’s eyes still don’t have the light in them anymore :( my poor son
also ftr I still think using Deku as bait in this particular sense is the shittiest idea ever ngl. like sure, let’s let the sixteen-year-old run around battling miscellaneous escaped prison convicts while we stay several kilometers away ON PURPOSE despite the fact that you’re using him as bait to draw out the Big Bad, who just a reminder can destroy anything with a mere touch and who you were all basically helpless against. what exactly are you all planning to do if Tomura or one of the other League VIPs actually shows up to retrieve him?? are you even keeping tabs on him at all in real time?? jesus
(ETA: well that escalated quickly lol.)
Horikoshi is all of a sudden dropping whole pages of exposition here and I can’t be bothered to summarize this lol so just,
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a big fat YES to what Jeanist said, though. that’s why imo they would have been better off laying a trap at U.A. rather than just wandering around out in the open. I assume they’re trying to cut their potential losses because U.A. is full of students (and civilians), but those students also happen to be more capable than pretty much anyone else in the manga at this point. and tbh they’re already in life-threatening danger regardless of how things play out from here on, so they might as well at least try to use the few advantages they have right now. U.A. is almost certainly going to come under siege at some point anyway, so they might as well prepare for it
lol I don’t think I’m explaining this very well because I don’t have the patience right now to break it down point by point like it really ought to be, so for now I’ll just say that imo “U.A. siege” stands a good chance of being the eventual endgame even now, and so this whole “Deku runs around being bait” arc is really just killing time until then lol. like and subscribe for more rambling nonsensical takes such as this. maybe next time I’ll even put it all into one single sentence for maximum meandering senior citizen rant value
well it’s nice that they’re finally talking about all of this I guess
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we readers have known all of this for months now but this confirms the heroes are finally caught up. ALSO, Hawks is so fucking smart, as always. kinda wonder if things would have played out differently if All Might had let him in on the secret a bit earlier. probably that’s why Horikoshi made damn sure they didn’t find out until after the War arc lol
OH MY GOD YOOOOOO HAWKS OUT HERE ASKING THE REAL QUESTIONS
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“anyone else wondering why AFO bothered to raise Tomura as his fake heir for fifteen years when he was secretly planning on taking over his body the whole time” YES, [raises hand] lmao Hawks where the hell were you when I was debating this “AFO is the final villain and Tomura is just his pawn” thing on multiple occasions over the past several years lol
lmao seeing them debate the metaphysics of OFA and all of its mystical bullshit is seriously surreal you guys
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JEANIST HAVE YOU CHECKED OUT MY META TAG I HAVE WRITTEN SO MANY ESSAYS. I ACTUALLY WAS PLANNING ON WRITING ANOTHER ESSAY ABOUT THE THING THAT I’M PRETTY SURE HAWKS IS ABOUT TO BRING UP, BUT I NEVER GOT AROUND TO IT WHOOPS, BUT MAYBE I WILL NOW LOL LET’S SEE HOW IT GOES
yes!!
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WHICH AFO FUCKING ENSURED HE WOULD BE BY LITERALLY PLANNING OUT EVERY LAST DETAIL OF HIS FAMILY TRAGEDY, FROM SECRETLY GIVING TENKO THE QUIRK TO MAKING SURE NO CIVILIANS OR HEROES WOULD HELP HIM UNTIL AFO FINALLY STEPPED IN. I’M 1000% CONVINCED THIS IS THE CASE YOU GUYS. NOT JUST BECAUSE I’M NOT A FAN OF “THE WORLD IS A FUNDAMENTALLY SHITTY PLACE, ACTUALLY” TAKES BECAUSE MISTER ROGERS TOLD ME TO ALWAYS LOOK FOR THE HELPERS, BUT ALSO BECAUSE IT LITERALLY JUST DOESN’T MAKE A LICK OF SENSE OTHERWISE. THEIR ENTIRE HOUSE CAVED IN FFS, YOU’RE TELLING ME NONE OF THE NEIGHBORS FUCKING OVERHEARD THAT SHIT AND WENT “UMMMMMMMMM” AND WENT TO SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON?? “DIDN’T THERE USED TO BE A HOUSE HERE, AND LIKE A WHOLE FAMILY, AND SHIT?”
LIKE I’M SORRY, BUT IT’S ONE THING TO SAY IT’S REALISTIC THAT NOT A SINGLE PERSON WOULD ATTEMPT TO HELP THE WANDERING TRAUMATIZED CHILD AFTERWARDS (WHICH I DISAGREE WITH AS WELL BUT AT LEAST THAT’S MORE SUBJECTIVE), AND IT’S A WHOLE OTHER THING TO ARGUE THAT IT’S REALISTIC THAT NO ONE WOULD BE FUCKING NOSY. LIKE THAT’S A WHOLE DIFFERENT LEVEL OF “THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS” ENTIRELY LOL. anyway tl;dr AFO is a piece of shit and Tomura’s entire worldview is based on a magnificently intricate and savagely cruel lie more at 11
anyway so after all that ranting it looks like that wasn’t even what Hawks was talking about after all lol. I just went off for absolutely no reason lol oh well. instead it seems that Hawks is suggesting that Tomura’s carefully cultivated hatred might not yet have actually reached “can defeat OFA” levels even after all of that trauma. interesting!
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don’t mind me, I’m just sitting here while my brain furiously scrambles to put together all the parallels between Hawks and Tomura that it never noticed before until exactly this second. like I’m not even sure that was the intent here at all (I need to check out another translation or two lol), but regardless my mind decided that now would be the perfect time to make the connection between these two twenty-somethings who both had horrific childhoods and spent years being molded by their respective manipulative guardians, and developed eerily similar “laugh at everything because what else can you do” coping mechanisms to deal with it all hmmmmm
anyway so they were talking more about their strategy, but now all of a sudden Jeanist’s phone is beeping??
AND NOW WE’RE CUTTING AWAY TO ALL MIGHT AND HIS MIGHTMOBILE DAMMIT so that means the call to Jeanist was actually something important then!! WAS IT BAKUGOU OMG. DOES YOUR INTERN WANT A WORD FFFKLFSJK please it’s been so long I just need a little crumb or two to tide me over lmao have mercy
anyway so All Might’s following the GPS tracking device he’s apparently got planted on Deku (which in my conspiracy headcanons he’s actually had for a long time now, like since before DvK2 lol because HOW ELSE WOULD HAVE HAVE KNOWN THAT THEY WERE FIGHTING EACH OTHER IN GROUND BETA, PEOPLE) and thinking angsty thoughts about Deku’s sucky life
AND NOW ALL MIGHT’S PHONE IS RINGING TOO?? BAKUGOU HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE YOU CALLING. “WHERE ARE YOU HIDING THE NERD GODDAMMIT”
OMG
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lol is he under attack or is he just finally giving All Might the slip like we all know he SECRETLY PLANNED TO ALL ALONG oh my poor dumb angstmuffin
OMG AHHHHHHH WHAT
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DID ALL MIGHT JUST FUCKING DIE LMAO NO OF COURSE NOT, BUT WHAT
WHAT IS HAPPENING OMG
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THE FUCK IS THAT. AT LEAST IT’S NOT A NAIL
OH IT’S A SPEAKER!! OMG DID THEY TAKE ALL MIGHT HOSTAGE
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“THEY’RE HERE” WELP, TIME TO SEE JUST HOW SHITTY THIS SHITTY PLAN REALLY IS LOL
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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SHE!!!!
omg. AND OVERHAUL JUST CHILLING THERE IN THE BACKGROUND ALL “WHAT DO YOU EVEN WANT ME TO DO I’VE GOT NO FUCKING ARMS” YEAH GOOD RIDDANCE LOL
DOES THIS GIRL HAVE ONE GIANT LEG OR WHAT, LIKE WHAT’S THE DEAL HERE
-- HOLD UP WAIT, THE GUN IS HER ARM, HOLY SHIT SHE CAN TURN INTO A GUN -- OKAY HOLD UP BECAUSE I NEED TO SAY THAT IN BIGGER TEXT BECAUSE !!!!
YOU GUYS, THE COOL TARTARUS GIRL IS BACK AND HER QUIRK IS “CAN TURN INTO A FUCKING GUN.” THIS IS NOT A DRILL!! MY BEST GIRL MT. GUN IS FINALLY BACK ON THE SCENE WITH HER QUIRK “CAN DO ANYTHING A GUN CAN DO.” “I HEARD Y’ALL WENT AND NAMED ONE OF YOUR HEROES ‘GUNHEAD’ EVEN THOUGH HIS HEAD ISN’T EVEN A GUN, LIKE WTF IS UP WITH THAT LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT’S DONE” DANG OKAY
lmao only fifteen pages this week, and STILL NO KACCHAN (THEN WHO WAS PHONE!!!), but man I don’t even care because finally we’ve got a cliffhanger that’s actually deserving of being a cliffhanger! hot dog. okay then
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Text
Stark Legacy
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part 01/?? "the only person"
master list
word count 4.3k
an: :3 welcome to a new fic bc idk how to control myself
WARNING: this part does depict alcohol usage, and mentions of other substances a character uses to cope (though nothing is explicitly mentioned).
“An unemployment and housing crisis skyrockets to higher levels as people still struggle to adjust and accommodate the population we had years ago. Streets are littered with people seeking hope-”
“According to world economists, the surge in loan denials is leading to an unprecedented end, leaving the experts scrambling for a way to get the economy back on track, also claiming that the Global Repatriation Council may be asking for too much-”
“Protests break out across Switzerland as support for the group known as the Flag Smashers rises, with the Global Repatriation Council denying any comment on the matter, as well as refusing to comment on the rumours that the newly titled Captain America is investigating the matter-”
“What can we expect from Stark Industries now that Tony Stark is no longer with us? Pepper Potts, while having led the company in a positive direction prior to the Blip, has had no new developments over the last six months. With these newfound challenges the world is facing we’re left to wonder.. Who is going to step up as the ingenious mind behind new innovation? Will the youngest Stark continue on in the steps of father and brother, or are we seeing the end of the Stark Legacy?”
Click.
Silence filled the blue colored cottage that was tucked away at the end of the street in Ransdorp. Though dim and lifeless inside the cottage, outside the sun shined while birds chirped away happily and the sound of children playing echoed through the air. But inside the cottage, all alone, someone stood and tossed a television remote back onto the couch that was once occupied. They shed the blanket that had been wrapped around their shoulders all night while listening to all the different news reports, and entering a small bedroom and dressed in the dark. It was a Wednesday afternoon, and after shuffling through the cottage to grab a few things, the back doors were pushed and locked open, and a breeze blew through the house.
You squinted as you put a sun hat on and oversized sunglasses, overlooking the green oasis you had worked on every day for the last six months. Pushing away the thoughts of what the news had been saying, you stepped down onto the wooden patio that lined the back door and carried a hefty packed bag with you to the garden you had planted. You set the bag down and kneeled into the soft grass, and got to work on picking on fresh vegetables to use for your dinner later. Lucky for you, the soil was perfect here.
So… How have the last six months been for you?
Well the garden was a distraction your neighbor had suggested after finally catching you one day while throwing out a bag full of alcohol bottles you had consumed. You could see her take a second glance over your disheveled appearance, but she ignored it for the most part (which thankfully she did, you were a little sick of people telling you how to feel at the time). Naturally, instead of working through your problems, you distracted yourself from them.
But in all honesty… It’s been hard. Maybe it was selfish of you to think so, but you felt like you had been dealt one of the shittiest hands from the universe. The pressure from the world after… After Tony’s death was suffocating. As more paparazzi followed you around, the worse that anxiety had gotten. With that newfound attention, you had also been summoned by the United States government to attest for your time as a HYDRA agent. Lucky for you, in some way, they dropped any serious charges due to your restraint under the program, but sentenced you to weekly therapy sessions (since SHIELD had denied to disclose your mental capabilities). To your knowledge, Bucky Barnes had been offered a similar deal. The therapy lasted all of a month before you… Negotiated your way out of it, and returned to this safe place.
You drowned yourself in drinks and other activities after leaving New York, which in turn made your black-out episodes reappear, which had become evident as the photographed wall in your second bedroom started to be crossed out fast. You couldn’t help but twitch at the thought, and steered clear of that subject. But as of five months ago, you were all but cut off from all things Avengers.
Everyone had gone their own separate ways for the most part. Wanda was off the radar, Sam had gone and gotten a contract with the Air Force, Clint got his family back, Rhodey was some top notch Air Force guy (you didn’t really know what he was up to nowadays), Thor was gone offworld, Scott was making up for lost time with his family, and Bucky… Well, you didn’t know much about that situation either. Sam had tried to reach out after everything, but in one of your drunken states you threw your phone in the Weersloot river. You didn’t need a reminder of that day, or those few weeks even.
You never played the message Happy had given you from Tony. You never had the courage to do so, and you had it tucked away in your room safe and sound. Honestly? You were starting to think you never would be ready to hear what Tony had to say to you before he died. You just couldn’t bear to hear it, never would… Because if he even mentioned someone’s name you didn’t know how you would react.
When you started to think about Steve, you picked up a drink to take your mind off it. You had yet to come to terms with him leaving, because it still hurt like the day it happened.
Losing Tony was the worst thing that could’ve happened in your eyes. He was your family, though Pepper and Morgan had become your family too, Tony was the last piece of your family you could hold onto. The last shred to the past you fought so hard to remember and cherish, and now him and that part of you was gone. He was your everything. He always would be.
But Steve? Losing Steve wasn’t something you had ever even considered. While Tony was your soul, Steve was your heart. Despite everything you two had been through, the feelings hurt and the years it took to make it back together, Steve always had your heart. He was the man you wanted to fall asleep with and wake up to. He was the man you talked about growing old with, what life would be like if he gave up the Captain America mantle, he was supposed to be your future...
And then he stayed in the past, and left you here confused. Hurt. Alone.
You lost the two people you had left in the world. Your heart and your soul. And it was the most devastating blow you had ever felt… Everyday you wondered how someone comes back from something like that, if it was even possible.
Your thoughts were interrupted when a hefty softball landed in a thud in your garden and smushed one of your little tomatoes. You blinked at the sight before grabbing the ball and looking up to see the familiar short boy next door pulling himself up on the fence that separated your yard from his, and you grabbed a rag from your bag and wiped the softball off.
“Je vernielt in zijn eentje mijn tuin, weet je,” (You’re single-handedly ruining my garden, you know) you said to the boy and looked up at him through your sunglasses.
“Vergeef mij,” (Forgive me) he said and rested his head on his hands to watch you finish wiping his ball off. “Mijn vader wilde niet met mij spelen” (My dad wouldn’t play with me).
You stopped wiping for a moment and could see the sad look in the kids face. You smiled softly and stood, making your way over to the fence and handing him his ball back, though his expression didn’t change.
“Vraag het me de volgende keer dat je wilt spelen, oké?” (Next time you want to play, come ask me, okay?) You told him, and the smile reappeared on his face and he gave you a nod. You ruffled his hair as he jumped back off the fence and played once again. You went back to your bag, now full with vegetables, and picked it up to head back inside. You had a sweet pasta recipe to try tonight, and you think what you selected should work great-
You stopped in your tracks right before the back door. You lowered your sunglasses and lowered your gaze to the ground as you tried to focus on the sound in the air, the shift in the environment. You may have been slightly hungover but the presence was not hard to miss. You straightened your stance and gripped your sunglasses in your fist.
“Sam?” You called out. At first there wasn’t any rustling, but after a few moments you heard your back gate unlock and creak open, and that’s when you could hear the extra set of footsteps. You slowly turned around to face who had finally tracked you down, and were met with Sam Wilson… And Bucky Barnes in tow.
“What are you doing here?” You more so asked Sam. The pair glanced at one another and Bucky nodded his head at his partner in crime (God, you could just tell they were up to something) and Sam shoved his hands into the jacket he had been wearing.
“We came to see you, check in on how you’re doing,” Sam said. You chuckled a bit, and shook your head.
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” you called him out. “What are you really doing here?”
“We need your help,” Bucky said. You bit your tongue and looked them over, maybe just a little curious as to what was going on. Just a little. “We stumbled onto something that I think you may have some information on.”
You hummed to yourself for a moment, thinking it over. Truthfully, the last thing you needed was whatever this was. So you shook your head and shrugged your shoulders. “I’m afraid I can’t help, but thanks for thinking of me.”
You turned your back on them and stepped up a couple steps into your house, and was all but ready to close the door to the world and close yourself off from Sam and Bucky, but Bucky took a step forward.
“There’s more super soldiers out there,” Bucky said in a serious tone. You stopped in your tracks, gripping onto your door for a few moments before looking back out to the pair. Bucky was watching you intently, in a stare you had only seen on him once before (which you didn’t want to recount at the moment). There was movement near the fence, and your eyes darted there to see the neighbor boy peeping his head over to see what was going on. When his gaze met yours, and you gave him “the look” he disappeared just as quickly as he appeared, and you looked back at the pair standing in your yard and against all better judgement, motioned your head behind you. Understanding your cue, Sam led the way inside, and you shut the door quickly behind Bucky.
You moved around the burly super soldier and brushed past Sam to set your bag of veggies in your kitchen. You had to take a moment to compose yourself before facing the duo who had been watching you intently. “Okay.. Go on. What do you mean there’s more super soldiers?”
Sam grabbed something from his pocket, a phone it looked like, and pulled something up before handing you the device. You hesitantly took it and looked down at the phone, where a video began playing of the recent Gasel Bank heist. You watched as someone got beaten to the ground, but what was astonishing was the sheer strength the masked person showed. Captivated, you carried the device into the living room and plopped down into the cushions of your sofa and watched more footage, this time up close from what you could guess were Dumb and Dumber who moved to hover over you.
“We were hoping you might know something,” Sam said. You handed his phone back to him which he graciously accepted, and you tapped your fingers together in thought before looking over at Bucky.
“What makes you think I know anything?” You asked. Bucky seemed to huff in annoyance at your questioning him, in all honesty you just wanted to hear him say it.
“You and I both know what went into the replication of that serum, your program especially,” Bucky said. You felt a lump form at the back of your throat and you casted your eyes downward. “You were still there after me… Did they perfect Stark’s serum?”
You looked back up at his question, and you held his gaze for a moment. You couldn’t believe this was how your day was turning, and you were pissed that he of all people were bringing up your past, like you volunteered for any of that shit.  You lightly bounced your leg as you fought to remember what you had known.
“HYDRA had been unsuccessful in using my father’s formula of the serum again, even after you managed to escape their hold,” you started. You swallowed the lump in the back of your throat and leaned back into the couch, averting your gaze from Bucky to the floor as you searched your memory. “They brought in a scientist, but it wasn’t my op, and it was on a need to know basis. The only reason we knew they started the research again was they started taking people from the Phantom program to test the serum on.”
“Phantom program?” Sam asked.
“That’s what they called us,” you mumbled. “All of us were deemed dead so… It was only fitting.”
“Did the scientist perfect the serum?” Bucky asked. You shrugged your shoulders and met his look again.
“Didn’t think so,” you answered honestly. “So if there’s serum still out there, he has to be your guy. Though I can say I didn’t see any kind of sign of that activity when working with SHIELD.”
“But it’s a start,” Sam nodded and Bucky looked his way. The two started sharing odd glances, and you watched in confusion. Sam suddenly looked your way and motioned around. “Think you could spare some time and do this mission with us?”
“Sam-” Bucky began to say as a warning, but you chuckled a bit which made him stop.
“I don’t do this anymore,” you told them as you motioned between them.
“Come on (Y/N),” Sam tried to reason as you stood up and walked your way back into the kitchen and opened up a cabinet in search of tonight’s bottle of wine to go with dinner. “I get that you’re going through it, I really do, but-”
Just as you managed to select the perfect medium-bodied red wine, Sam had come up beside you and took the bottle out of your hand. “This isn’t going to help you.”
“Yeah Sam and what is?” You asked while crossing your arms. “Because right now the only thing that would help me out is to see my brother again but guess what! It’s not going to fucking happen! It’s just me, here, and all by myself. All by myself…”
Your words trailed off as a heaviness grew in your chest. The atmosphere in the room was a lot more stuffy, and you would rather curl up and disappear then let Sam (and Bucky) see you cry. But here you fucking were, with Sam seeing the tears build up in your eyes and the look he gave you, you wanted to be mad but the only thing that you could seem to feel was just sad. You blinked back the feeling and took a glance back at Bucky, who stood in your living room and averted his gaze. You looked back at Sam, and put on the best front you could.
“You’re welcome to stay for the night, someone can take the bed in my room and someone can take the couch, but tomorrow? We go our separate ways again,” you said in a low tone. Sam’s look at you was… Disappointment. Before the sentiment could settle on your already guilty conscience you turned around and grabbed your keys and a peacoat and stopped at the front door. “Help yourselves to whatever you need.”
With that, you pulled the door open and just as swiftly shut behind you. The cottage walls shook for a moment before settling to a silence inside. Sam looked down at the bottle in his hand and set it back onto the counter before looking Bucky’s way, who still looked annoyed.
“What?” Bucky defensively asked when he noticed Sam’s stare. Sam shook his head at him and pushed the wine bottle to the back of the counter.
“You pushed that too hard,” Sam said, to which Bucky scoffed.
“Me? You’re the one who asked her to join us which, by the way, where did that come from?” Bucky questioned as Sam came back to the living room and sat down on the couch. Sam leaned forward with his arms on his legs and rubbed his hands together.
“Take a look around Robo-cop,” Sam emphasized and Bucky let out an annoyed sigh. “You’re seeing what I’m seeing, right?”
Bucky looked around at your surroundings. He wouldn’t peg it as chaotic, but he also couldn’t pin it as put together. There were personal touches here and there, but it didn’t feel like you belonged here. Bucky wasn’t blind to what was going on here, but he also didn’t see how that pertained to what Sam was suggesting.
“Sam, we came for some information, we got it, so why don’t you tell me what you’re trying to say,” Bucky replied. Sam rolled his eyes and leaned back into the cushions.
“We let her come here, by herself, even knowing how devastated she was after Tony died,” Sam explained. Bucky’s eyes darted to the floor at the memory of him following you out to that shed the day of Tony’s funeral, and the empty expression your eyes held. “Hell, we don’t even know how she felt about Steve. We should’ve been here for this. And that makes us shitty friends.”
“Ah, I wouldn’t say we’re friends-”
“Oh I’m sorry, who's the one that said she owed you a favor?” Sam asked and Bucky shrugged his shoulders.
“I did, but that doesn’t mean-”
“Nah ah,” Sam cut him off and Bucky rolled his eyes. “If you two owe one another favors, then your friends.”
“That’s sound logic, Sam,” Bucky sarcastically said.
You tossed your glass bottle of whatever the hell it was you drank earlier into a trash can on your way back home. You pulled your keys out of your jacket pocket and jingled them around until you found your house key and hipped quietly. Your cottage was just in view and all the lights were out. You grumbled to yourself as you neared, forced to remember what had happened earlier in the day (and boy did you work hard to forget that Sam and bucky were at your lace haha). You stumbled up the two steps to your door and used the wall to steady yourself, before quietly shoving your key into the door and pushed the door open.
It took a second to adjust to the environment, but the whole cottage was pitch black, besides whatever light from the moon managed to filter in. You carefully walked around the couch and glanced down at who occupied it, and when you saw Sam peacefully asleep you then looked at the door to your room and shuddered at the fact Bucky must’ve taken residence in there. You huffed a bit, and pulled a spare blanket out of a basket and moved to the back door. When you finally got outside and shut the door to not disturb your guest you tossed your blanket onto the patio sofa you had and kicked your shoes off.
After shedding yourself of your peacoat and plopping down on the hard cushions, you inwardly cursed the two men inside. You were doing just fine before their arrival, you had a schedule of self loathing and drinking then sleeping that they were interrupting. You just weren’t looking forward to the repercussions of tonight’s sleep. You laid back across the sofa and looked up at the sky, though nothing was there anymore. Or at least there wasn’t anything you could see.
Let’s be honest here. The reason you had turned to drinking was because of the fuzzy feeling you got after awhile. Your mind got to drift to something else besides the memories of your past, like… what to drink next, or in this case, is that a star or an airplane? It made the moment more simple, it made you forget who you were until you woke up again. That didn’t mean you didn’t resent yourself for your actions, but you just added that to the list of reasons why your endgame was the best resolution. You just weren’t ready to tell anyone what that endgame was.
Your gate creaked and you tilted your head to look in that direction. You could barely make out the figure as they neared, Bucky’s face became more clear. You looked back up to the sky and shook your head a bit to yourself. Bucky came to a stop close to you, and sighed a bit.
“You should go inside,” He said quietly.
“You should just leave me alone,” you quipped back to him. Though you couldn’t see it, Bucky rolled his eyes at your drunken response. You suddenly felt a lot more sober, and you turned your head to face him. “You had no right, you know.”
“What are you talking about?” Bucky asked and you huffed.
“You had no right to bring up the Phantom program. I didn’t tell anyone about that, not even Tony,” you admitted to him. Bucky bit his tongue and looked up at the sky for a moment to collect himself. “I didn’t want anyone to go digging into the extent of that.”
“I didn’t know,” Bucky admitted. You blinked at him as he caught your gaze again. “Look… I’m sorry.”
You fell silent before letting out a small sigh and adjusting yourself to be a little more comfortable, your head finally starting to feel dizzy again. But Bucky wasn’t ready to settle this, he shifted his weight and turned to face you.
“Why are you doing this to yourself?” Bucky asked. Your eyes fluttered back open and you looked over at him. He had taken a step closer, and hovered over you, and you raised a brow.
“What are you talking about?” You asked him this time.
“The drinking,” Bucky pointed out. You huffed and turned your head in the opposite direction into the cushions, and Bucky rolled his eyes. “It’s not going to help you know.”
“Yeah and how would you know?” You asked and looked back at him. Bucky leaned down to get in your face, and you tried to move back from him.
“Because I’m probably the only person who really knows what’s going on in your head.”
You bit your tongue, and Bucky backed off. In a bit of a daze, you plopped back down onto the cushions and pulled the blanket you brought out up to your chin. Bucky rolled his eyes at you shutting him down, and he moved to the door to go inside. The sooner the morning came and Sam and he could leave, the better for him.
“I never blamed you, you know,” you said in a light voice. Bucky stopped in his tracks and looked over at you. Your eyes were closed, and you were breathing evenly. Bucky retracted his hand from the door knob and took a couple steps closer. He needed to hear that again.
“What did you say?” He asked. You stirred a bit, but didn’t answer him. Carefully, Bucky used his gloved hand to touch your shoulder, and give you a small shake. When you still didn’t say anything, Bucky sighed and looked between the door and you and cursed in his head.
Bucky carefully slid an arm under your shoulders, and then hooked his other under your legs. He hoisted you up into his arms and into his chest, and your head rolled into his arm. Bucky shook his head at it and carefully brought you back inside, and past the couch, and pushed your room door open with his foot. Bucky sat himself on the edge of your bed and balanced you in his lap with one arm, and pulled your blankets open with a free hand. When he finally got you into your own bed, he took the blanket you had outside from you and tossed it onto his shoulder, and pulled the blankets on the bed onto you. Bucky stood from your bed, and before leaving the room he took a final glance at you as you stirred just slightly.
Bucky closed your door, and walked back towards the couch and settled himself onto the floor. As his back met the floor, he couldn’t help but wonder if you meant what you said, about not blaming him for what happened. One thing he did know was he meant what he said. Bucky stared at the door to the second room in the house, and he shook his head.
If there was one person he truly wanted to make amends with, it was you. After all, you were on his list of names.
- - - - - - - - - -
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mm2305 · 3 years
Note
Hi Mil!!
I thought those Meet Cute asks were so much fun!! I am glad you did too!! If you have time I would like to request #35 for Ethan and Olivia.
Thank you!!
-Kate
Please drive!
Pairing : Ethan Ramsey x f!mc (Olivia Valentine) ¦¦ Words/Rating : 1.4k / T ¦¦ Warnings : mention of aggressive dogs ¦¦ Setting : Alternate Universe ¦¦
Prompt : They jump into your car breathless and tell you to keep driving
A/N : Hello!! I'm sorry this took so long but it's here now and I really hope you like this Kate! I certainly had lots of fun with this. Request from the meet cute prompt list (requests still open). Happy reading!
Disclaimer : all characters belong to the rightful owners. Also the Thomas Mendez headcanon here is by @jamespotterthefirst
Masterlist
-/-
It was a warm, sunny afternoon, the sun high upon the sky, the air unusually filled with humidity. A dreadful combination, for sure. The street was mostly empty, the sight of another soul, rare during this time that the heat was at its fullest. Most people would be sensible enough to not go out at 103°F, but as much as he needed to be one of those people, Ethan was on borrowed time that day.
Being an intern at a hospital was probably the hardest - and let's be honest, shittiest- situation you could be in, right? The answer is a big fat no. At least that's what Ethan Ramsey, a doctor who at just his second year as an attending was at the top of his game and highly successful, would say. Why? Because someone has to deal with the interns and that brave soul has to deal with a lot. He speaks from experience.
Hence why this was the only moment he could slip in his schedule to take a break and get some decent coffee. His best friend Tobias, had suggested he go to the new place in the suburbs to get his caffeine fix. Of course, Ethan didn't believe him at first. A coffee shop in the suburbs? Sounds like one of Tobias' usual pranks. Still, his curiosity won and he drove all the way to the suburbs in search of the infamous coffee shop.
He would die before he admitted that Tobias was right, but that was some pretty good coffee. Content and somewhat more ready to go back, he began walking to his car. He could hear some barking in the distance, but that was to be expected. All those rich people around here sure would keep a dog or two. "Well maybe I should adopt the pup Thomas stole. I could use the company of someone not constantly talking" , he thought to himself as he unlocked the car.
Ethan quickly got in and immediately turned on the air conditioning. He sinked into his leather seat and closed his eyes for a minute, finding some relief from the unbearable heat. Suddenly he heard the door of the car open and close along with some very loud barking and he instinctively jumped in his seat, turning to look at the person who jumped in his car.
He didn't even get to utter a word before the woman turned to look at him with pleading eyes.
"Oh my God I'm so sorry for barging in but please please drive ! I'll explain everything I promise!"
Not even thinking about it, he started driving, while keeping an eye on the woman next to him, who was breathing heavily and looking out of the mirrors. It was then that he saw six big dogs running after his car and all that barking he had heard started making sense.
The dogs stopped following them after a few more minutes, their endurance making them seem understandably terrifying. Only then did she relax and take a deep breath.
"Thank you so much for this. I'm so sorry for jumping into your car.", she thanked him with a small smile.
"Uh… it's no problem. Glad I could help."
"I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Olivia Valentine, nice to meet you.", Olivia extended her hand towards him in a handshake.
Turning his eyes on her he briefly shook her hand. "Ethan Ramsey, it's…certainly interesting to meet you"
She laughed slightly at that, shaking her head and looking out of the window.
Ethan couldn't help but really notice how attractive she was. Her hair was gold blonde and tied back into a high ponytail, shaped in loose curls. Her eyes were big and green and her skin was spotless. Olivia wasn't wearing much makeup but what really stood out was her plump, bright red lips, perfectly contrasting with her fair skin. She was dressed in a simple, professional, dark blue , form-fitting dress with black high heels that accentuated her long legs. She was wearing a silver, elegant wrist watch and in her lap rested a black briefcase.
"Would it be okay if I asked what just happened to you, Miss Valentine?", the urge to solve mysteries whether it was regarding medicine or this beautiful woman, propelled him towards asking her this question. Besides she just came out of nowhere, I have a right I ask her. Right?
"Please call me Olivia."
"Only if you call me Ethan"
She grinned and nodded. "Deal"
"So, Ethan , I am a real estate agent. I had an appointment with a client to show him a villa that was for sale but I had been waiting outside the house for thirty minutes and he hadn't shown up. And of course, he didn't even call to let me know that he wouldn't come, instead of letting me roast in the sun. Anyways, I decided to leave and I walked a couple of blocks down the street in hopes of getting a cab. You can guess how well that went in this time and area, so I called a colleague to come pick me up. I was waiting for her to come, when two of these huge ass dogs escaped their homes, thinking I was an intruder just because I passed by and began coming closer, teeth bared and all. Since I am so lucky today, somehow more dogs gathered so I panicked and ran. They started chasing me… and then Olivia met Ethan", she finished her story with a dry chuckle.
Ethan was left speechless. His surprise must have been written all across his face because next thing he knew she was bursting into laughter.
"I'm-I'm sorry… it's just--that you should see your face", she said in between laughing.
"I mean. Wow. And all because of that jerk of a client."
"Definitely a jerk and not only because of that. He's a plastic surgeon and he's all about how successful he is or some shit. "I'm Dr. Thorne and I'm one of the leading plastic surgeons in Massachusetts." As if I give a damn. ", she rolled her eyes hard.
"Dr. Thorne you said? Ugh he's one of the worst of his kind"
"You know him?!"
"Yeah unfortunately. He works in Edenbrook, as do I. I'm a doctor."
"Ohh interesting! Let me guess. Internal medicine?"
"Actually… yes. How did you guess?", he turned to give her a surprised look.
"You previously said of his kind. I know enough about doctors that one working in internal medicine isn't particularly…fond of surgeons. Am I right?", she asked giddily.
Ethan chucked at that. "Yes, you are. Mostly at least"
"Nailed it."
Valentine. Where had he heard that name though…?
"You work in the big firm downtown don't you?" , he stated rather than asked after a moment of silence.
"I was wondering when you would figure it out Dr. Ramsey.", Olivia teased him, smirking.
"I am a diagnostician Ms. Valentine. I notice things. And your firm is difficult to miss"
"Technically not mine. My father owns the business."
"So it's safe to assume, your mother is the doctor?"
"Bravo, Doctor. Yes indeed. She works at Mass Kenmore."
"I see… So. Want me to give you a lift? We're already in the car and your work is on my way.", he raised an eyebrow expectantly.
"Sure! Thanks Ethan", she replied, grinning widely.
They spent the rest of the way comfortably talking to each other, both genuinely enjoying each other's company. For someone who was so talkative and gregarious, Ethan found himself interested in anything Olivia had to say. She was smart and confident, but in the most charming way possible. At last they reached the firm and Ethan pulled over.
Both turned to look at each other and started talking simultaneously
"Olivia--"
"I --"
"Ladies first.", he motioned for her to say what she wanted.
"Right. Thank you once again Ethan, both for the save and the ride. It was really nice to meet you.", her hand reached and squeezed his arm.
"You're very welcome, Olivia. I uh… wanted to ask…only if you want to of course… can I have your number?". He was quite visibly stuttering, but he tried to hide it behind a cough.
Olivia looked him in the eyes, clearly seeing through him and smiled. "Yeah, absolutely. Can I have yours too?"
He smiled back at her. "Yes of course"
They exchanged cards and after saying goodbye, Olivia got out of the car and walked back into the office. Just as she sat down at her desk she received a text message.
Ethan : Meet me this Saturday at 8, in "Gaston's Bistro"?
Olivia : I'll be there :)
Ethan : Perfect :D
She put her phone away and got down to work, smiling all the way, already excited for her date this weekend.
-/-
A/N : Of you made it till here, then thank you for reading! Likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated :)
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zuffer-weird-girl · 4 years
Text
Anonymous said:
Heresan angsty fluffy request for Dabi,what if one day it was just a bad day for dabi.His scars were getting to him,the past kept coming to his mind and he was just feeling unworthy,like he didn't deserve his doll.That leads us to now,him standing shirtless infront of a mirror,judging his appearance and him in general so much that he doesnt notice his doll until she wraps her arms around him,gently holding him and telling him that it's not true that he deserves good things and that she loves him
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Shit. Absolutely the most shittiest day he ever had on his adulthood so far.
Shigaraki had been a pain on his ass ever since he joined the league of villains, and when he was isolated by that crazy doctor on a moutain he thought was going to get a bit of peace.
Keyword: thought.
His colleagues despite becoming part of his daily routine were cool and all but he got irritated easily with their bullshit. Instead of wanting to expose the corruption and fake hero society all they cared for was being accepted and just watch the world burn down.
Heck, he tried his best to not be like him, but when he was out of pacience he tended to snap at anyone whose even got in his front... including you.
He felt like shit everytime and knew very well that a apology wasn't going to erase his harsh words... neither his own attitude.
Thankfully though he was fucking terrified of becoming the monster that married his mother, so he never once raised his hand at you.
He couldn't even once get a bit of peace on this fucked up life...
He was about to head to a shower he took off his shirt... looking at the corner of his eyes the nasty scars, covering more than half of his chest as the stables clinged and holded his still healthy and burnt skin together.
How the freaking hell you accepted being him out of all people on Japan? He was like a broken vase, couldn't fix it and just... was made to be left alone and on the fucking trash can.
He brought his hands to his camp of vision and saw the scars littering his forearms and hands, attached to staples... his breath started to quickened at remembering especially why he had them, whose fault was that...
Anger and anxiety combined surely wasn't a good thing.... without him thinking his quirk started to heat up and his skin if he could alscream would have already in pain.
He looked, trembling in wrath, at his reflection... and the sign was enough for him to shout and punch the mirror at the point it shattered in pieces and injured his hand badly...
Panting, his senses come back a but and cringed at how much blood it was dripping from his hand and dirtying the carpet of your guys room... for now.
Pieces of glass was still on his flesh but his anger hadn't vanished as he started to punch the wall until he was tired of it... the pain was one of the things that proved to him he was still alive.
So what is more? He felt worse after all...
He punched that wall until it got dirty with his blood and until he was tired of it... Sighing he clenched on the injury and got into the bathroom to take the goddamn shower.
.
.
.
Your voice calling for him and the door being slowly opened interrupted his thoughts... he vringed at the causation tone of voice you used and only waved his hand once to tell you it was okay for you to enter.
"We went out to get some food so.." he felt the lightly slightly short on the bed near him "I got some of your favorite..."
He didn't answer. He knew that one harsh word could leave or even the worst thing, you could get that he was on a bad shape, you could just fucking see when he was overthinking ... damn you for being so blind to not fucking see je is not worth of you.
"WHAT THE- DABI?!" He widened his eyes when you grabbed his hand, your horrified expression at seing the injury "What the hell happened?! I thought you-"
"I made it myself." He spoke on a cold tone of voice that even himself cursed himself for it.
"You're crazy or something?! How?!"
"Why being so dramatic over it? I have tons of scars sweetheart, I'm fucked already and just you who doesn't seem to notice." He shrugged as you looked at him before narrowing your eyes and getting up with a huff.
Just when he was about to sigh, you pocked a chair and put on his front agressively with a first kit aid.
"Aw. Cute seing you trying to fix me (Y/n)." His sarcasm was like venom as you grabbed his hand and started to bandaged.
"Fix and help to cure the wound are differents things and you know it very well, Todoroki." You hissed his last true name as got up and grabbed your wrist as you two exchanged glares for a bit before you gritted through teeth "Sit. Down."
He scoffed and sitted back on the bed as you sit down as well, bandaging him and taking the minors piece of glass out of him with the help of an twessee.
He hissed at one particularly large, stuck on his knuckles as you looked at him, your anger vanishing at seing him biting his lower lip and trying to mantain a nonchantly expression as he refused to look at your eyes.
Sighing in relief when the last piece of mirror left his hands, picking up a bit of alcohol, cottom and the bandages to wrap around the injury.
"... not going to give up are you?" He muttered as you remained silent while doing your work, cringing when he let out a dark chuckle.
"You're such a thick skull... cant even see it doesn't matter and you can do better than this..." you stopped with wide eyes before looking up at him.
"Huh?"
"Oh come on doll... you know that staying with me is a loss. What do I even have to give to you anyway? How do..." he snickered, letting his head fall on the hand you weren't treating "How do you even look at me with those fucking gorgeous eyes..?"
You blinked, words lost in your throat as you saw Dabi on that condition... slowly, you put the supplies aside, one hand holding his as the other barely touched his arm.
"Do you know I love you right?" You muttered as he barked on a laughter.
"Yeah..." he looked up at you in pain but with a maniac smile still present "I just don't know how."
.
.
.
Ever since that evening you started paying more attention on your boyfriend. Instead of replying with a snarky comment whoever joked about his scars he only sighed a "fuck off" and left... how he didn't even let you see him without a shirt.
It was like all the improvement of him thrusting you to not judge him for his past or appearance had come down hills... his usual cockiness and sarcasm aurea was just pushed all inside and eames back the aloof and cold Dabi...
You couldn't just let this continue... Dabi knew you love him but didn't know how? Well, damn him, you were going to show it like him or not.
With determination you walked and opened the door to slow your movement at seing Dabi staring at the mirror, his back at you as his head hung low, supporting himself on his hands on the mirror.
"You listen you bastard..." you listened him talk to himself "Stop being a selfish pig and let (Y/n) go... no one deserves getting stuck with a walking disaster... you wont drag the one you love to hell along with you." He growled the words as tears threaten to form in your eyes.
Saying fuck it, you almost ran into him while hugging him from behind, a gasp leaving him as the muscles of his back tensed and looked at your reflection clinging to him.
"How can you say that to the men I love..?" You whispered, wet cheek resting and nuzzling on him "You're not dragging me to hell if you're not even going there..." you sobbed as his wide turquoise eyes remained on your reflection... frozen body... he couldn't even think to be honest.
"You deserve happines just like everyone does... You make me happy by being you Touya..." you clinged onto him and burried your crying face on his back "I don't want to let go... you're the best thing that ever happened to me so dont you fucking dare to say things like that about yourself!"
You felt his rough and half scarred hand touch yours at first before holding it like his life depended on it.
"You know... if I could cry... pretty damn sure I was weeping right now at only seing you suffer because of me..." his hoarse voice came out and you clinged onto him tighter.
"You're the blind one for thinking that you dont deserve me or you aren't beautiful... scars and all." You mumbled before leaving a chaste kiss on his back, one that made his body shiver.
It was quiet for a moment before Dabi got out of your arms as you whimpered before gasping when he cupped your cheeks and smashed his lips on yours.
When he broke the kiss you hugged him.tightly as he slowly returned the affection, resting his chin on your shoulder as he felt his eyes burning.
"Dont hide from me anymore..." you sobbed as his heart clenched at your crying and hugged you tighter.
"I won't... I won't." He pulled you even closer to his chest as he kissed your temple.
"Get on your thick skull that you're beautiful and handsome you idiot!" You punched his back as he let out a weak chuckle on your hair.
"Only because you make me feel that way doll..."
263 notes · View notes
keilemlucent · 4 years
Text
lavender latte: iii
(T (for now!))
hawks | takami keigo x reader
ao3
chapter 1   ||   chapter 2   ||   chapter 4
word count: 4.2k
a cheeky drink and some mutual sabotage. 
warnings: oh no, they say s*x, fluff, pining, the usual, and a wittle angst on the side, reader smokes cigs bc its a salem trademarked fic thing
enjoy folks ;^) the whole of this piece is gonna be about? ten chapters. so. hold on tight!!!
beta read by @keiqos, heart EYES
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“Let that sit for a second or you’ll burn yourself—”
“Don’t need to tell me twice, angel. I know the drill.” Hawks replied with a wink.
You weren’t ever going to get tired of that.
You really expected Hawks to disappear out of your life. You really, truly expected him to run off for good. How many bigger, better, and more important things did he have to do? Even if you managed to speak to him and regard him like any other customer (or, perhaps acquaintance, and more recently, friend — ), your mind swam with insecurities that only seemed to get worse over time.
You were waiting for the metaphorical thread to snap.
You waited for the day Hawks simply would stop texting you flirty bullshit on a somewhat regular basis.
But, holy fuck, the dude didn’t.
 You couldn’t think of why. You weren’t complaining about the attention, but you also were terrified of getting too used to it. Hawks was a part... bird (?) right? He was flighty by nature.
Despite this, Hawks continued to not only text you but also stopped by the shop fairly frequently for his special, quirk-fueled beverage fix. Politely, he’d text you the day before he planned to make an appearance to check and see if you were working, and then show up the next day like it was nothing. 
He usually wouldn’t stay for long; the hero was ungodly busy and always on the move. But, he always took the time to flirt and get a full description of his drink before dashing out to save the world once more. 
Most days he visited were his ‘hero work’ days. He’d appear in his costume, done up and dashing for a sip and a quick talk before disappearing once more into the skies. Every once in a while, Hawks had an ‘office’ day where he’d be confined to his agency to catch up on his insane backlog of paperwork. On these occasions, Hawks would talk (stall) at the tea shop for as long as possible. You talked and joked with him as long as he would let you. Sure, it put you behind on work, but no one at the shop was going to tell you off for fraternizing with the number two hero (whose repeated presence was drawing more customers anyways). You both reveled in each other's attention, drinking in the other’s slowly softening smiles and quick wit. 
 On this day, Keigo’s wings were the shittiest they had been in a while. Plucked and almost barren with how much he’d been working lately. Total exhaustion seemed like it was constantly on the horizon, tugging as his eyelids and weighing down his chest each morning.
It was easier to get out of bed when he got to think about seeing you.
Sure, your drinks were a perk. Very much so. He was getting so used to the artisan beverages you crafted that the taste of his normal canned coffee was starting to bother him. 
But, what his real thrill in visiting the tea shop was that he got to see you, and that made his heart pound. 
He sat across from you, looking down into your newest drink. It swirled between dark and milky, a heady, rich aroma billowing up with the steam it produced. He had requested something ‘surprising, new, and horribly caffeinated’ as deep fatigue was the worst villain he’d likely see that day. You had just nodded, cheekily starting to prepare his drink with a bounce in your step, pupils going wide. 
“I feel like you’re gonna start running out of ideas one of these days,” Keigo laughed, adjusting himself on his stool, gloves and jacket removed. He almost looked like a normal patron.
 You grinned to yourself, idly cleaning around you as you often did, “I dunno, I’ve got a lot.”
Hawks raised an eyebrow, “Tell me about them.”
“Nope, top-secret,” You shook your head, digging into your apron to flash him the small notepad you carried on you.
Scrawled in nasty handwriting, you carried your many ‘feeling’ ideas around with you. Different concepts and abstractions all scribbled down, a nice long list to look back on whenever Hawks would make his appearances and his own vague requests. Your backlog of ideas made it easy to find something more than suitable to make for him.
When Hawks saw your notepad his eyes widened, tilting his head and a devious smirk coming to his lips.
Your expression fell, and you stuffed the papers back into your pocket, hiding your hot face by idly cleaning some more. 
You left yourself very open for teasing, it seemed.
(Not that you or Keigo minded.)
“You keep a little list of all of your ideas! I’m beyond flattered,” Hawks ran a hand through his hair, flashing a cocky smile for you. 
“I have to stay prepared, can’t be disappointing my celebrity sugar daddy,” You winked as Hawks’s eyes went wide, half-hearing a choke get caught in his throat. (You loved it when you were able to get him visibly flustered. What a treat.) You nodded down to the drink, “Should be good to try now.” 
 Keigo really liked spending time with you. He knew it was always fleeting and short and consistently he wanted to find reasons to stay with you at the tea shop counter for longer and longer. Your quips and chides continued to get quicker and more clever and he was having an increasingly difficult time keeping his cool around you. Most of the time he smoothed himself easily, not showing a trace other than that which he neurologically couldn’t control. 
But sometimes, you were bold enough and ballsy enough to get him to gag on his literal words and he was positive that you were the only person to ever have him break composure in such a way. 
He covered his weakened poise by sipping the new drink, mindfully letting the taste wash over his tongue.
Increasingly, you’d been changing up the so-called ‘vibe’ of your beverages. It seemed like each time Keigo dropped in, you had something new and vibrant to show him. 
This drink was particularly different.
The taste was rich, dark, and smooth, rolling into the back of his throat and down his spine. It coated his insides with a warm, low heat. Peeking through were sweet, light accents, warm but almost... teasing?
His dick twitched.
 Hawks’s mouth dropped open, any and all professional veneers dropped as you just beamed so fucking smugly at him. 
“What do you think?” You leaned a bit forward, bouncing on your toes with excitement.
“Is... Is this supposed to taste like sex?” Hawks asked, taking another mouthful to confirm. Based on the way his eyes briefly shut and some of the tension rolled from his shoulders, he thoroughly confirmed it.
“Technically, it’s crafted based on like... a late-night rendezvous. I left it fairly up to interpretation beyond that. The rest is on you.” You shrugged, still bouncing as Hawks took another chug.
“What the fuck, (Y/N),” Pleasant shock colored his features, but clear amusement stretched across his lips as he continued to drink. 
“You wanted something surprising and horribly caffeinated. That’s a dark chocolate mocha with two extra shots, our in-house raspberry and rhubarb syrup, a bit of white chocolate syrup, and a few of my add-ins as well. It’s pretty different from what I’ve made you before,” You blinked at him, stomach twisting as his expression remained unguarded. “I... I probably should’ve asked before giving you a drink that definitely could’ve been taken as sex. That’s my bad. I can remake you something else if you’d like?”
 Keigo shook himself from his stupor, shaking his head and quickly regaining his composure. He took another sip to emphasize his words, “No, nope. It’s okay. Definitely okay. The drink is really good. I’m just now wondering something.”
“And, what’s that?” You asked, reaching behind the counter to grab your own iced beverage.
“Can your quirk be used to manifest bad feelings and concepts, just like good ones?” Keigo asked. Normally, he’d add more nuance, but he was getting impatient and sloppy around you. He’d have to keep that in check.
Especially with the way your shoulders drew up and tensed. You turned a bit away from him, any and all potential for eye contact torn away.
He hit a nerve.
“The type of abstract feeling doesn’t matter, I can emulate it,” You replied, pulling at your nails. Keigo had long picked up that it was one of your habits when your anxiety spiked. 
He dropped it, but didn’t forget. There were public files on quirks. Maybe he’d look into it. Maybe. It felt a bit invasive, but considering plenty of that data was freely accessible, it hardly was an invasion of privacy, right? 
(Except for the fact that it obviously made you very uncomfortable to discuss the more unsavory potentials of your quirk.) 
(He just wouldn’t tell you.)  
Keigo switched topics, easily rolling away from the topic, “Any particular... event that inspired this one?” 
You pressed your hands into the counter, leaning over it to glare at him, “Are you referring to something with that comment, Hawks?”
He shuddered when you said his name, but you don’t notice. 
“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not,” Keigo shrugged easily, going for another sip.
 The drink was inspired by the several day cinematic, wine-bender you went on a week or two prior. An entire weekend with just you, your cats, three entire bottles of wine, and a backlog of movies to catch up on. You tried to consume lots of different types of media, but what had been catching your eye lately had been anything with gushy romance for fairly obvious reasons.
(There was an embarrassing amount of ideas for drinks that were a bit too romantic to properly indulge with your quirk. You’d never tested the limits of how certain feelings could manifest, and you weren’t quite ready to face the reality where you could make people nut from caffeinated milk.)
“It is good though, the drink,” Hawks smacked his lips together as if it would make his coming analysis more credible. “It definitely does taste like sex, but more so complicated. Darker.”
“Deeper.” You smiled. “Your palette is getting more refined. I’m proud.”
“Are you saying it was bad to begin with?” Hawks pouted, flashing you falsely weepy eyes and a puffed out lip.
You rolled your eyes, “Yes, you yourself have admitted this. You drink canned coffee still, so I can’t even call your taste good.”
Hawks gasped, putting a hand to his chest, “I’m hurt, truly wounded.”
“I’m sure you are, tailfeathers.”
“I really thought I had reliably moved up to ‘birdboy’, angel.”
You snorted, covering your mouth with your hand, “Just goes to show how quickly the tables turn, tailfeathers.”
Hawks’s pager suddenly chimed, a familiar sign. He took a quick look at it and sighed, moving to re-robe. You were surprised by the speed at which he did so, and the way he became tense so quickly. 
It made you realize that he was always tense.
(Unless he was talking to you.)
“I thought today was an office day?” You asked, a bit of a disappointment clouding your voice.
Hawks just gave a small smile, fully plastering back on his heroic facade, “Duty calls. Lots happening lately.”
He flicked his visor back over his eyes, slid you your normalized wad of cash, and whisked himself out the door, immediately taking to the skies from the streets.
He’s in a bit of a hurry.
He... didn’t even say goodbye. 
Wonder what’s happening?
 Truthfully, Keigo was a bit startled by the notice on his pager. The whole reason he’d started patrolling the particular neighborhood the tea shop was in was because there was word of a villain syndicate working nearby. It hardly seemed right for the neighborhood, but Keigo knew that villains hid anywhere. Whatever they were planning was still relatively shrouded, but it was clear that it needed to be treated delicately. That particular neighborhood was rife with pedestrians, businesses, and homes and any sort of villainous activity had the possibility of reaping a heavy amount of collateral damage. Keigo and the Commission had been on their guards about it, but things had been steadily becoming more intense over the past few weeks. 
Plopping himself on a rooftop, Keigo took up residence to stake out his newest lead, watching figures and silhouettes in a nearby office building.
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 Funnily enough, the rest of your week went horribly. Just downright shitty. You figured at some point, things would let up, brighten, but they didn’t. Each day brought some new, personal calamity. 
The first was a trip to the emergency vet with one of your cats after she swallowed a hair tie. An expensive vet bill later, she was perfectly healthy, but you remained wracked with anxiety. 
Another day, the owner of the tea shop paid a visit to chew you out for your newest tea blends not fulfilling his picky seasonal requests. You were relieved it had nothing to do with how Hawks monopolized your time. Still, getting yelled at easily within earshot of both coworkers and customers made your insides twists. 
The final small disaster was when a particularly asshole-ish customer chucked a hot drink all over you and your cute white sweater. One of the younger openers had been dealing with a difficult patron and an incorrect order, nothing out of the ordinary. When you tried to step in and de-escalate the situation, the man ripped the lid from his cup and splashed you with the burning liquid. You held back any sounds of pain even as your skin stung like hell when you offered to remake his drink.
One of your managers luckily allowed you to go home early. Thank god.
By the end of your shitty week, you fell into your apartment and just cried. White sweater stained and day feeling fairly ruined, you let yourself have a good, solid sobbing session to just release how terrible things had been. 
It would pass, you knew. But it sucked at the moment.
It also didn’t help that Hawks had been particularly absent after running out the last time he came around. He’d still managed to shoot you a funny text or two, but mostly, it was silence from him. You rationalized it by reminding yourself of how quickly he flew off at the end of his last visit, hero business forever more pertinent than you and the shop.
You reminded yourself to keep yourself grounded in Hawks obvious impermanence, even if you were starting to get used to (and really like) having the hero around. 
You decided that your Friday evening would be good. You treated yourself to a hot shower, noting with a hiss the pink scalded skin that covered your chest from your collar bones to just below your breasts. You threw on a facemask and uncorked a bottle of wine you had been saving for a rainy day. 
You clicked on one of your favorite shows, an older cartoon that brought you consistent comfort in times like those. Curled up with a knit throw blanket and your healthy cats, it did help soothe the burns, mental and physical.
That is until you got a bit too drunk on red wine and it turned into sad drunk.  
So, you made your way to the roof.
You weren’t fucked up beyond belief, despite the fact that you were towing an open bottle of red in one hand and a pack of cigarettes in the left. The cold would sober you up, along with the nicotine. You hoped it would force you out of your head. 
Upon throwing open the door to your apartment complex’s rooftop, you were made very aware of its wintertime disuse. The gardens that grew during the summer were snowcovered. The chairs and tables for lounging were in a similar state. You didn’t mind. 
The view was still nice. 
You set down your bottle and zipped up your coat. Quickly, you brushed off the flurries from a rickety lawn chair and plopped yourself down. You threw on some music from your phone, playing some sweet, old songs that made your chest ache when you needed it to.
The city stretched in front of you, beyond the rooftop. You didn’t live in a particularly wealthy district, but there was no shortage of dazzling neon and bright street lights dotting the ground below. You watched how the rest of the city stretched far beyond your little pocket, still gleaming with multi-hued lighting and dazzling in the wash of the crescent moon.
You took a swig, fishing for your self-dubbed ‘sad cigarettes’ and lit up. With your exhale, you watched as smoke lazily swirled away, carried by the soft winter wind. If you were any less drunk, you’d be freezing.
A shadow, winged, fell across the snow. 
“You know, I get nervous when I see pretty girls on rooftops with bottles in their hands,” You jumped at the voice, whipping your head to the source.
Hawks stood, scarlet wings fanned outwards, on the lip of the rooftop. 
Your eyes widened.
You took another sip.
He gave an affectionate laugh, jumping down into the area where you were seated.
 Keigo had just been out on his normal, nightly patrol. The leak had been correct and he’d been stealthily tracking the villains while completing the rest of his hero duties. He was able to laugh off his exhaustion, but it was starting to eat him. Several cans of coffee a day was hardly doing it for him. He hid his sleepiness and aches well, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t difficult. All the same, his typical roles had to be fulfilled. 
He was surprised to see you, all alone on a rooftop with a lit cigarette between your fingers. Keigo let himself be surprised before noting that ‘ yes, you definitely probably live in this apartment building and you’re just outside to smoke’, but the sudden jolt of panic he felt was crushingly unbearable. 
Mostly because it was personally protective and not heroically instinctual and he couldn’t start acknowledging that aspect of his feelings for you. Not yet. 
Keigo walked towards you, asking, watching you blink blearily at him “You doing alright?” 
Eyes downcast, you shrugged, “We all feel shitty sometimes. Just depends on how you cope, ‘ya know?”
“And how do you cope, (Y/N)?” Keigo asked, pausing before brushing off a chair. “Mind if I join you for a bit? I could use a second to rest my wings.”
You nodded, almost offering him the bottle, but quickly pulling it back to your chest before taking another inhale. Offering a pro hero alcohol while he was pretty obviously working seemed like a bad move, even in your tipsy state. 
“Most of the time, I watch nice stuff and distract myself, like most people, ya’ know?” You exhaled as you smoked, relishing the nicotine buzz. “Sometimes, though, I just feel extra shitty and need to extra cope.”
Hawks hummed in agreement, sitting back in the chair. His wings were folded up and over its back, the longest feathers trailing in the small snowdrift behind him.
“Do you get cold, being in the sky all the time?” You asked, eyes going cloudy as you stared up at the lights of the city and higher into the sky. 
“Most of the time,” Hawks chuckled, throwing his arms behind his head, “I’ve told you this, angel. It was one of our first conversations.”
Your eyes widened at the realization, mouth open with a hearty laugh.
 It made Keigo’s eyes water a little. He blamed it on the wind. 
 “I’m silly, I can’t believe I forgot,” You nestled back into your chair, tracing the lines between constellations. “It’s the whole reason you came to the teashop in the first place.” 
Your voice resonated, focus foggy. Somewhere else, old memories played in your mind, recounting your first few meetings with Hawks.
A warm, small smile stretched across your face as you traced the stars. 
 Keigo watched, enraptured. You were cute, especially like this. All bundled up in your winter coat, half-zipped. There was a lot less stress in your shoulders than he normally saw at the shop, especially as your thoughts were so far away.
He wanted nothing more than to commit the contours and shadows of your face in the white moonlight to memory, never forgotten in the blissful cold. 
 You interrupted his thoughts so beautifully.
 “Thanks for talking to me.” You took a sip from your bottle just after speaking, half-drowning your words, but Keigo caught each one. “I appreciate you.” 
“P-pardon?” Keigo couldn’t tell if you caught his stutter, but even if you did, you didn’t show it. The comment felt like a jab to his jaw, half-knocking the wind of him and turning him into a filthy masochist. He’d take any whiplash if it meant you saying such kindnesses to him. 
How could you just say shit like that?
What exactly did you mean by that?
Why did your attention make his legs tremble?
You turned your attention from the night sky to Hawks, something like uncertainty bubbling in your chest, “I appreciate you, ya’ know? Coming by the tea shop still, teasing each other and shit, you humoring me—”
Hawks interrupted you, feathers tensing at his back.
“I’m not humoring you.” Hawks deadpanned, staring at you oddly seriously. The yolks of his eyes seemed even more intense in the neon and night light. 
“You’re... not?” 
There was utter disbelief in your voice, accented by the way your jaw was half-opened.
Hawks shook his head, standing in emphasis, feathers fluttering as he did, “ No, angel. Not at all. I visit because...”
I like you.
“Because I like your drinks.”
  Because you make me feel good in a way I’ve never felt.
“You’re fun to talk to, too. Added perk.”
  Because I want to hear your voice when I breathe and when I die. 
“I enjoy it, you know? You're fun.”
 Some feeling in your chest, something full of hope, crushed itself and compacted to the point of pain. You sniffled at his admission, blaming it on the cold. In a fucked up, sad way, part of you was so relieved. 
He likes the shop. He likes your drinks. 
He’s around because he wants to be. 
But not because you’re special to him. 
 His words reminded you of your insignificance in Hawks’s life. No matter how much you craved his attention and words, and more recently found yourself staring at the plumpness of his lips and the curve of his cupids bow and daydreaming about how much you wanted to lean over the tea shop's counter and kiss the constant, teasing smile off his face—
But.
You don’t matter that much to him.
Sure, he likes you, but he’ll never feel the same way about you. 
 You made the decision then to make the most out of Hawk’s affections and sweet words. You’d take what you could get, even if it was fleeting and probably  eventually heartbreaking. It seemed smart, to refuse to get your hopes up for someone so unattainable.
 You let out a shaking sigh, “Thank you, Hawks. I appreciate you coming around. You really light up my day.”
 Keigo saw the fall of your face and bottled himself up. Shoved down everything. Fuck his feeling, fuck how he felt about you, this was all fucking terrifying. It was getting to be too much and he had to try and control himself.
Just like he’d been taught so well.
He was just so happy to be around you. He could squash his feelings, even if they were fairly obviously somewhat mutual. God knows that he didn’t know how to handle anything like that.
On the gods, his pager beeped.
 “Duty calls?” You said, standing up yourself and brushing off the stray snowflakes. 
“Seems so.” Hawks sighed, nodding, “Thanks for letting me rest here. It was good to see you, (Y/N). I’ll see you soon, okay?”
You waved goodbye as Hawks disappeared as quickly as he came, launching himself from the roof with the heavy sound of wing beats. 
Soaring away, Keigo risked a final look at you. He swore he saw tears in your eyes.
He forcibly repressed his feelings, reminding himself that your company, words, and quirk-made beverages were more than enough. The flutter in his chest when he thought of you wouldn’t rest, but he could learn to ignore it. 
 On the roof of your apartment, you felt fatigue in your bones and wetness on your cheeks. You ignored both in favor of smoking another cigarette, soft, melancholy music being your only constant, reliable companion. 
You reminded yourself that he, Hawks, was a temporary fixture, more flighty than most and liked you just enough and for surface-level reasons. You could take that. You’d do anything to be around him more, even if it never amounted to anything. 
You, just as Keigo did, pressed down any larger feelings.
 (The thing about feelings, though, that neither of you was very good at remembering, was that they don’t go away. Sure, you can let them go, but that takes time or a practiced mind!)
(When you take feelings, big, aching, soaking feelings and shove them down into the deepest parts of you, they just tend to make you bleed. The ‘hidden’ feelings color your blood as it spills, even if you don’t notice when it falls and its change in hue.)
(One can only hope that both Keigo and you listened instead of lied.)
 Both of your hearts ached, and neither of you fully understood why.
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ushisrever · 3 years
Text
Puppy Love
Pair: Satori Tendou x gn!reader
Genre: fluff
Content: cuteness
Word Count: 985
Summary: A puppy's love is all it takes for you to feel better after a shitty day.  However, it seems a certain person is willing to give the same affection. 
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Everyone would always have shitty days.  Then the next day they'll eventually be able to forget.  That's what you also believe in; however, not today.  Today is the shittiest day you could ever get through.  You only just found out that the person who called your best friend has been the one spreading those rumors that has been ruining your everyday life.  
You do not know how to feel about it.  For a moment you just felt numb about it.  The person you trusted is actually the person you shouldn't even give an ounce of trust to.  You have no other person to talk to about this, so all the overwhelming emotions eventually built up on you.  
Instead of using the small elevator, you used the big staircase placed in the middle of the building as its main feature.  Going up to the sixth floor probably is the best way to remove more of the overwhelming emotions but it just came back to you.  As a result, you just sat at the top of the staircase. 
"That's some plot twist," you chuckled bitterly.
You let the silence linger, until you suddenly feel a cold wet thing on your shoulder.  You turn to find a puppy golden retriever licking your arm.  A smile immediately plasters your face. 
"Where did you come from, sweetie?" You said as you pet the puppy.  The puppy continuously wags its tail as it looks at you.  You can't help just melt at the cuteness of the puppy.  For a moment your worries melt away as this puppy gave this unconditional love.  
"Aren't you just adorable," you carry the puppy practically just taking in its cuteness.  The puppy keeps wagging its tail and licking your face.  
"Oh...there you are, little boy," a man's voice interrupts. 
You turn and look up to see a red-haired man looking at the two of you with a wide smile. 
"This is your puppy?" You asked as you stood up still carrying the puppy. 
"Yeah, I kinda accidentally left the door open," he nervously chuckled.  You then jand the puppy to him.  You got a glance up close to him and you are not sure if he's just blushing for a moment. 
"You're lucky I was just sitting in the staircase," you said with a smile and gave the puppy one last pat.  
He smiles wider. "Thank you for that.  I'm Satori Tendou," he lightly bows. 
"Y/n.  Though, I have to thank your puppy.  He made my day better," you smiled. 
"I'm glad he did.  He did his job well," he scratches the puppy's head giving him a wag on the tail.  
"Truth be told," he looks up at you with sort of curious eyes.  
You raise your eyebrows in anticipation. 
"I may have sort of seen you feeling down when I was supposed to go out to throw the trash.  So, I may have kinda asked this little one to cheer you up," he said with a much brighter smile.  For a moment, you may have found a similarity between the puppy and Satori which you found...cute.  The owner and the dog have that bright personality to cheer people up.  
Then, again...you just met him.  It's a bit too fast to already say he's a nice person, you think.  Besides, you just thought your best friend is actually your best friend when in fact she's not. 
"I'm...surprised you took back what you said about accidentally leaving the door open," you narrow your eyes.  
"Well, what's better? The lie or the truth?" 
"Valid question," you chuckled.  For a moment, you suddenly felt warm and freeing upon talking to this man who is apparently your neighbour.  You've seen him from time to time when you work, but there hasn't really been much conversation going on between the two of you.   
"You know...an ice cream and a stroll always makes me feel better," he tilts his head to the side. 
"Ah, well...it's kinda late.  I don't want to walk alone," you beam a nervous smile.  
"The three of us can walk together.  I need to take him out for a potty anyway.  Then we can eat ice cream along the way," he giddily replied to you.  You blink at the sight of the puppy and Satori having the same expression of anticipation.  Something you do not see everyday.  It honestly just makes you feel like nothing is entirely wrong in the world. 
"Well...if you two insist, I would love to," you said with a soft smile. 
"YES! Okay! Hold on.  Lemme just get a little boy's leash," he quickly runs back to his apartment and goes back in no time with his puppy on a leash.  
"Okay, we're ready," he said with that kid-like expression on his face.  
"Aren't you just adorable," The words just literally slip in your lips and late to realize that it was loud enough for him to hear.  He freezes and his eyes widen for a moment. 
"I-I- I mean the puppy.  The puppy's um...adorable.  Yes," 
Satori laughs and cheekily smiles yet with a blush on his cheeks. "Oh come on, you can't take it back.  That comment was supposed to be for me," he teased. 
You shake your head and giggle at this little incident.  "Suit yourself," you said, not giving him the satisfaction and turn to press on the elevator. 
You never knew it could happen.  You never knew that you can instantly be happy after having the most horrible day in your life. And maybe you believed on that night stroll with Satori and Little boy that there would be people who would leave you and there would be people who would come to your life and stay there beside you.  
You are glad that he arrived just on time and you knew then that you are happier than you were before. 
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NIA’S MASTERLIST
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nightowlwriting · 3 years
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summary: sometimes relationships aren't made to last. sometimes years later, it still hurts. sometimes closure comes where you least expect it.
word count: ≈900
warnings: mentions of a rough breakup in the past.
note: requested by @taylortheeshowpony
masterlist - request - support my work? - ao3
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When Elliot Stabler shows up at the boarding school you teach at, you know that nothing good is going to come from it. You were called out of bed in the middle of the night, and now you’re standing outside of a dorm, robe tucked tightly around you as you talk to a detective from the Special Victims Unit. From Manhattan. You are definitely not in Manhattan - or New York, in fact.
You’re in Vermont, where you moved after high school. (After high school where Elliot Stabler broke up with you in your junior year, leaving you devastated while he moved on to bigger and better things.) You’re in Vermont, at your school, while detectives from another state tell you that your students are in danger. In fact, you don’t even register that it’s Elliot Fucking Stabler standing in front of you until he puts a heavy hand on your shoulder, calling you a nickname you haven’t heard since your junior year in high school.
On instinct, you push his hand off of your shoulder, taking a quick step back. “Don’t,” You snark before your brain can catch up to who’s in front of you. When you realize it’s Elliot, the hurt that you thought had closed up opens back up and suddenly you’re seventeen, learning that Kathy is pregnant and that they’re getting married (-he told you that he never wanted to get married, ever-), and that he’s joining the Marines and shipping out. Seeing the hurt look on his face when you pull away so angrily is almost vindication for all of the pain you felt all of those years ago.
But, really, you’re still just hurt. You’re pretty sure you were in love with Elliot Stabler at one point in your teenage life, but that seems so far away now and… Well, how much do teenagers know about love? So you take a deep breath and shake your head, “Sorry, Elliot. This is a lot.”
“I get it,” He shoves his hands in his pockets and takes a step away from you. “It’s been a while.”
“Let’s not do this,” You purse your lips and look around at the detectives and officers crawling around the school that you’ve come to call home, “But you can explain to me what’s happening here.” He smiles, ducks his head, and you want the hurt inside of your chest to go away but it won’t. There’s something to be said about a first love showing up out of the blue, especially when you haven’t thought about them in a while. Elliot is exactly that - he was, is, your first love and you’re not sure that you can get over that. Does anyone ever get over that?
Still, he leads you into the room the dorm parents stay in when they’re running their shift overnight and takes a seat next to you. It’s strange being in a room with him, but you’re an adult and he’s wearing a wedding ring. He explains something that goes sort of over your head about an online hate group targeting your school because… It’s a private school? And people have to pay to enroll their children? You’re not sure. It’s still early in the morning - before the sun has come up. It’s when they hand the case over to the local precinct that Elliot hangs around where you’re talking to another administrator, waiting for the conversation to end so he can swoop in and talk to you again.
You know that, so you quickly end what you’re saying and turn back to him. “What?”
“I just wanted… I just wanted to apologize.” He sucks his teeth, looking away from you and squinting into the distance. He does it with such ease and familiarity that you know it’s a habit even though you've never seen him do it before. But, before he can say anything else, the hurt in your chest disappears. You hold up a hand, smiling softly at him.
“You don’t have to apologize, Elliot.” He whips back around at your sudden change in tone, “Listen, I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you tonight. This is too fucking much and I had just gotten to sleep when I was woken up.”
“You, uh, seem happy.” He rocks on his feet for a moment, “I should still apologize for how I left things… With us. I should have had more tact.”
You think about that for a moment, letting Elliot stew. When he had broken up with you it had been nothing more than a casual passing comment in the hallways of your high school. He had left you there to puzzle out what he said, process the meaning, and then mask your reaction in front of most of your mutual friends who had also heard what he said. It was awful, hurtful, and most of all - humiliating. You purse your lips before speaking, “I forgive you. I’ll have to admit, it was the shittiest way you could have possibly gone about that, but we’re different people now. You’re not that kid from school, and neither am I. We’re adults. You’re married. You have at least one kid, and we both have decent careers. I think what happened in high school has to be water under the bridge at this point.”
Elliot smiles and shrugs. “I guess. Kathy, um, Kathy and I are getting breakfast tomorrow near here. Would you - I know it’ll be awkward, but we were friends before we-”
“I’ll join you,” You cut Elliot off, “But we should make it brunch. It’s five in the morning and I will not be awake for anything that we could remotely call breakfast.”
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academla · 3 years
Text
Guys, I made it!
Wow, it’s crazy to be back on here. I don’t know if anyone still follows me and/or remembers I exist, at this point. I came here because I finally let go of my domain name. It was a really difficult decision which felt like leaving a part of my life behind me and closing a chapter, but I don’t use this blog enough anymore to justify the cost. 
I created this blog over FIVE years ago. It’s associated with so many memories - primarily good, but also some of the shittiest times of my life. Regardless, my time in the studyblr community was pretty formative and I’m so glad I was able to experience it. I have zero regrets and never will.
Even though I’m leaving it behind indefinitely, my blog will forever be a part of me. I’m still getting emails and some comments on the fanfic that somehow stirred up controversy and drama in 2017, I actually sent The Academic Zine to one of my account leads at work the other day, and in my interview for my current job I talked a lot about how running my blog influenced and reflected who I am, my strengths as well as my weaknesses. I’m still in touch with the company that reached out to me about collaborating on a self-help book so you never know... maybe someday the stars will align and that will pan out!
This is more for my own closure than anything (so please forgive my rambling) but I know I have periodically come here and posted brief updates. If I recall correctly, they are usually also associated with empty promises/declarations of an inevitable return, which I can safely say is most likely not going to happen anytime soon.
Hard to believe I had just graduated high school when I first joined. To those who still remember me and my journey - trying to juggle mental health, school, and paying my way through college - here’s a final (for now... I’ll probably be on here in another 5 years when all the people I used to follow are like, getting married and having babies LOL) update on my achievements in the past year or so. I’m by no means perfect and I have a long but exciting road ahead of me, but put in the context of the person I was even 2 years ago, I would say with cautious optimism and pride that I did indeed make it.
Updates below, in case you aren’t reeling enough from the wall of text that just unexpectedly popped up on your dash...
- I graduated summa cum laude from the honors college in May 2020 with my psychology BS and the 4.0 GPA that my mental health sometimes seemed destined to make an impossible achievement. Even in the end I had to take an Incomplete for one of my courses because I was unfortunately in the midst of a relapse. This shit is real, guys. But even in spite of it, I was able to succeed.
- I paid for 6 out of all 8 semesters, as was my goal all along - through working my ass off and trying to be somewhat responsible with money. Donations I received through here were a massive help as well and I’ll be forever grateful for each and every person who contributed. I also applied for and received a few merit scholarships, which helped. I graduated with $15k of debt, which is less than half the national average. So, I did pretty well for myself.
- I’ve undergone some tough mental health challenges and hurdles. Some of the darkest times I’ve ever sustained, where I was scared for/of myself and was so much worse than I was when I was 15 yet had so fewer resources. Somehow I made it through - and will continue to. I made that pledge in 2015 and I still stand by it.
- I’m now working for a market research company. I knew by graduation that I didn’t want to be in academia, but I didn’t know if I had enough passion/commitment to a clinical career to undergo the financial, mental, and academic burden of a graduate program. I had a minor existential crisis over that all summer. Fortuitously, I emailed one of my favorite psychology professors from my freshman year and her son-in-law was able to refer me to this market research company. Everything came together and I love my job more than ANYTHING. Work is (most of the time) incredibly fun and something I look forward to every day. 
- EDITED TO ADD: I’m also living on my own in the city, hooray! I thought the day would never come, but luckily it did. It’s painfully expensive (because city) but for the amenities, location, and quality of the 1-bedroom apartment relative to many other options I looked at, it’s worth it. We can reassess whether or not I’m broke in August when the lease is up.
Listen, I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I’ve dealt with a lot of adversity and trauma, too. And at the same time I am fortunate: I was raised in a (mostly) loving household, I was afforded educational opportunities that not everyone is lucky enough to have, I was able to get the help and support I needed when I was unsafe. I won’t invalidate my own struggles because the hard work I’ve invested, the literal blood, sweat, and tears, all of that - that was real and valid. But I don’t take a single thing for granted.
I made it, and you can too. If you are a stranger wondering who the hell I am, you can go here if you want to be assaulted by a wall of text, or here for a more concise and recently updated synopsis.
That’s all I’ll say for now (did anyone miss my novel-length posts?) but I do still manage my email address ([email protected]) if for any reason anyone is looking to connect. 
Just for the hell of it, I’m also updating some of my pages. Catch you (I’m talking into a void right now, I know) on the flip side!
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scarecoen · 3 years
Text
Trigger warning ⚠️ domestic violence.
I've typed this story a million times so I'm just going to summarize as much as I can.
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A few days ago I was assaulted by my partner's family members. And as I've mentioned, I've typed this a million times and I'm honestly just exhausted thinking about it, but we could use some help.
My partner has always had a transphobic family. (I don't have anyone but my dad, who's in no position to help anyone.)
Her mom used her disability against her and manipulated her into giving her MOST of her checks. She's abused the system and my girlfriend.
When I met Jackie, she was with a terrible biggot. Jackie had came out, and her mother conspired with an abusive long distance ex, to fly her here, to stage an "intervention" and stop my partner from transitioning.
It worked. For years.
I met Jackie here on tumblr, we became good, SECRET friends because she wasn't allowed to talk to anyone.
I told Jackie openly about my views regarding gender and how I myself, was not cis.
Eventually she told her partner about us playing games together, which she responded to by harassing me.
Jackie ended up spilling the beans to me, about her mom, about the ex, everything. I realized that she had been extremely isolated and controlled her whole life.
So I intervened.
I got the two of them to separate, which wasn't smooth because Jackie was scared. She had been with her abuser for 9 years at this point. She's never known anything else.
The ex moved back to her state, and I started seeing Jackie, although she was stuck at her mom's... who was trying to play innocent at this time.
Eventually, I kinda just came and picked her up, she stayed the night, she didn't want to go back home. And I can't blame her. The house wasn't only disgusting, her family microagressed her all the time and they would tell her to pretty much stay in a dark room all day.
Ofc I didn't bring her back.
During early quarantine, we had a lot of self reflection and she started distancing herself from her mother, coming around to holding her accountable for her horrible actions.
Her mom messaged her things like "Why won't you talk to me? It's like you're trying to punish us!" Ect, just every fucking manipulative thing she could say, without ever apologizing.
Unfortunately the place we were staying fell through when my best friend's ex husband decided he wants a divorce and decided to throw in some transphobic hatespeach towards me.
We were all looking for somewhere to go.
I'm sure you know where this is going but listen, she told us EVERYTHING we wanted to hear. She told us she's not hateful now, told us she would go to trans support groups, pride, said she's realized how much she loves Jackie and it's time to accept her- and look- we had NO WHERE TO GO. We have 2 cats and at the time, a car that has no a/c or functional locks. AND I have a chronic autoimmune condition that I recently started taking chemo meds for. (Methotrexate.)
I'm too sick to be on the street, and survive. I had to think about me, Jackie, Zoe, and Boops.
And Jackie wanted to go..
I told her we'd be cautious and try to get out asap.
Well, looking for places right when the housing market crashed really fucked us up. That- and because I had only just finally got approved for disability, means I was set back in life- and had no credit to my name. No credit= no place to live.
I had almost built enough, but things went down hill very quickly with her family. Which leads us to right now:
After weeks of microagressions, giving us breakthrough covid cases, yelling at us to clean other's messes, and forcing us and our cats to isolate in our room, many broken promises, and straight up transphobic hatespeach (because she promised to get vaccinated but then said nvm as soon as we moved in and she went on vacation and got covid and gave it to us, which nearly killed me--) she said not getting the vaccine "IS A CHOICE, JUST LIKE YOU BEING TRANS AND TAKING *gestures to my testosterone* THOSE DRUGS."
We just were avoiding each other while I desperately try to gather resources for us to get out, NOW.
Of course, that wasn't good enough, so when her step father messaged her in all caps about our cats having to stay in our room and "I WON'T FUCKING TELL YOU AGAIN" my partner had a breakdown..
Her mom had let her step dad talk to her like this her whole life, basically.
Out of desperation, we went to her sister for help, maybe hoping she'd give us a place to stay for two weeks while we sign off on the lease for our new apartment.
She pretended to want to help and even said... something fucking weird? She made the comment that I'm a good person and I'm so much like her own boyfriend, that it's "scary"...
A few hours later she came to the house. She talked nicely to us, to gain access to our bedroom.
Then she attacked me.
I called the police right before, and was on the phone with dispatch when she lunged at me because she was aggressively trying to MAKE Jackie go into a separate room WITHOUT ME and Jackie was saying no, BEGGING her to STOP.
I wasn't going to let her take Jackie into that room. She looked fucking crazy.
All of the family came into our room, her two sisters, her mom, and her cousin- When they heard yelling.
It was actually me telling her mom that she's a terrible mother, that triggered her sister to try and attack me- although I knew she was planning on trying to from the moment she came into our room.
And that was after her mom was screaming in my face that if I have something to say, say it now.
Dispatch heard everything and sent emt as well...
But the police stayed outside, talking to them for a WHILE before even asking for us.
Her cousin is the only one that would have stood up for me, saying her sister never should have tried to hit me. But he was in the room with Jackie, giving her support...
I faced the cops alone.
He already had "that look."
He shined a light into my eye, letting the family stay on the porch, throwing insults and just letting it happen. He asked me where I'm hurt, and before I could even show him the scratches on my arm, he said "how do I know YOU didn't put those there?"
I wanted to fucking die in that moment.
This is a conservative city.
No one has equality stickers here. No one flies gay flags. People here that are lgbt- they LEAVE.
This is EXACTLY WHY.
I said "well is there any reason I should tell you anything when, clearly, you're already bias?"
I looked at the emts. I looked at his partner. I looked at all the lights and people coming out of their houses-
And behind me was her family.
Her sister that assaulted me, was laughing about having work in the morning.
All of them were looking at me, with hate in their eyes.
He tried to feed me bullshit about "well if I'm taking someone to jail, there has to be proof."
He dismissed everything I attempted to say, until I just stared at the ground and he decided he did his job here.
I told him my whole fucking body hurts because I had 4 people fucking toss my 100lbs ass all over the fucking room, which was a mess that he refused to look at.
He said "I don't see bruises."
I SPAT "BRUISES TAKE TIME?"
He retorted IMMEDIATELY- "YOU'RE NOT EVEN RED."
I asked what about the dispatcher- she seemed concerned- to which he said "you see, sometimes when people call us- they scream and be dramatic- for a quicker response."
I asked what we could do while the two weeks go by for our new place, and he fucking said "I DONT KNOW. BARRICADE YOURSELF IN YOUR ROOM OR SOMETHING."
Needless to say, we are now safe, in a hotel and I've gotten in touch with a few lgbt organizations that are attempting to help us get justice.
Unfortunately because it's a holiday weekend, all we can do is wait right now.
Our first order of business is getting a protection order, so that we can retrieve the rest of our things without her sister trying to attack us again. (I say us because she kept jumping towards Jackie, like she was threatening to hit her.)
I've been so gaslit and victim blamed that I was too scared to go to the er, even though this all happened in the midst of a flare, possibly including my liver health.
There's so much more to this story, as I'm sure other trans people can relate.. unfortunately.
The emts reluctantly offered to take me to the er, but I was like "and leave my partner here with them?" And he just fucking shrugged dude.
I hate this city.
I want out so bad but unfortunately I've committed to a year, but at least it'll be *our* apartment.
We could NOT stay there for two more weeks. Her step dad is a violent offender that has attempted to murder a homeless prostitute over some fucking pocket change- and he has a GUN in the house.
This hotel might run us into a hole, despite it being the cheapest, shittiest hotel in town, it's still going to be about 700$ for ONE week.
To ADD INSULT TO INJURY, SOMEONE ATTEMPTED TO STEAL MY VEHICLE WHILE WE'VE BEEN STAYING HERE.
I'm feeling incredibly paranoid and unsafe, but I'm on anxiety meds now at least and its SORTA helping us cope (My partner and I have the same Dr and she gave her permission to have some.)
The organization BRAVO is trying to help us with a hotel voucher, but because of all the natural disasters, it's hard to find room in charity for people like us, which is fair enough. We aren't immediately on the street, and for that I'm incredibly thankful.
However, if you or anyone you know wish to help you can donate to venmo: kittyzibby. Or you could just signal boost this.
If you can't help, I understand. And IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING FINANCIALLY, don't worry about it, for real.
Right now I'm just scared we'll go into debt before getting the apartment settled in.
I will update on things once our case moves along more, and we were already considering turning to OF sexwork before all of this, so if there could be support that way, maybe we'll get that going once we get moved in. That way, I feel good about providing a service in return.
Thank you so much for sticking with us during all of this. And really- we're doing much better today. We've given each other pep talks, but we are still determined to start our lives together.
Her family was merely trying to scare me away from her, but I got my girl's name tatted on me for a reason.
I know I'm not the bad person here.
Every time Jackie is feeling more gender euphoric, and showing me her changes, and seeing her get more confident, the more I know that what I'm doing with and for her, is right.
I love her so much. And I will never abandon her, like they tried to get me to do.
Jackie is taking a break from some socials, but she's given me permission to talk about what's been happening.
She needs justice too.
I will update as much as I can, but seriously, I think we both just have a fire under our asses now.
Mentally, we're stronger than ever.
Thank you for reading. My heart really goes out to the rest of the queer community that have experienced or are going through similar things.
It's really made me realize why we need to stick together and fight this bigotry bullshit! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈
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rurifangirl · 3 years
Note
chile, could ya explain the magic system in yo oc world more? im kinda confused w how it works👁👄👁
Oh boy, here we go bitches.
So as an intro to this, I said bout last oc post in Qiran's part that their fam was full of mages n shit, but also some of em weren't, n since they do have magic istelf Imma do more parts (3 parts)
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First part- how does It all work (Humans/Mages)
First of all, not all of em have a connection with magic, for example Evelyn doesn't at all while Lyva does but only through a magical item so It doesn't really count.
Other then that, if you're born you can either be born with some kind of magic, or simply not. It all depends from your family's lineage, for example If you come from a family of mainly rougues it's hard to get some kind of magical power, while if your parents have both some kind of power or even if it's only one of em, it's more likely you'll end up with something really similar, or a mixture of the two. (In case both of your parents have magical powers of any sort.)
It also depends on where you're living, for example If you'd be born from a cold place it's unlikely ya'd have magma magic rather than snow magic.
Between humans/mages the system Is kinda the same, but that does change for Hybrids/Demi gods/anything that isn't born between the same species.
Between humans/mages it's more of how their ancestors managed to treat its powers, as some got even destroyed for not being worthy of its usage, so If anything at this point and time they're lucky about getting somethin.
Mages are far more cautious about It, having both a lot of hidden knowlege about spells or even origins of some types of magic, though that being the most "common" ones, (for example fire, water ect.), because it's not only them of course, there's far more variants and all are different from eachother.
They can also get stronger by the worshipping of certain gods, which I don't think I will really talk about, at least in this post. (And also because they're still a wip of mine)
But the gang until now really never relied on any of them, or at least Lyva/Rui n Naexi never really did, while the others absolutely did. This Is also why I will do another post as a sorta of a part 2.
Anyways back on topic, most people in all parts of my oc world aren't used to worshipping anymore, or at least a great part of It, mainly because of a loss of knowlege about anything about them.
It's kind of taboo even mentioning most gods names, as they fear something will go wrong if they would (*ahem*being suspicious n allarmin the cult*AHEM*). In fact it's hard to get on most religions because the only remains of It are extremely either hidden, or destroyed in the meanwhile.
I wanna say that another reason because the worshipping stopped Is also because of Rui's cult. Yes, remember that?
It's gonna be talked about on its own post, but let's just say that for them, it's a safe way to restrain anyone knowing far too much about how everything works.
They're the only ones owning most stuff about different coltures to avoid having them against their side,
If there's no worshippers, no knowlege, n more weak magic because people don't strengthen them, who's gonna go against em? (It'll turn out to be the shittiest idea they've ever had but that really did work for the longest time.)
Oh I think i forgot to mention this, but since magic goes lineage to lineage, It also weakenens as generations pass by, as THAT'S the reason they absolutely need those texts.
That's also the reason most humans struggle w keepin magic. Mages can manage, though it's a small portion, since sometimes not even what they've learned over generations works anymore.
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Second part- how does It all work (Hybrids/Demi gods n stuff)
Oh boy, so, I'm also gonna use Shou n Naexi a lot here, so bear w me. As I said earlier, it's different from em, since it's not about lineage at all.
Apart that the union between different species Is both a taboo n seen as something "ashaming",so even if they had a child It was more likely they'd Hide It or leave It behind. So it's already a really, god-awful situation for them.
The magic works kinda randomly, in the sense that since the hybrid's nature is seen as unstable to begin w, there's no real critere to handle how the child born Is gonna turn out to be.
Sometimes it's really hard to notice, having yeah some features but can be hidden really easly, but other times Is just, a real mess between the two species, n the magic Is also uncontrollable, especially during their first years of life.
For example, in Shou's case he used to really switch a lot between em, that being the reason he later on prefers not to switch, n havin to learn as soon as possible how to learn how his magic n form would work w It, having again a lot of preassure comin from people he knew.
This Is unfortunatly a really common situation between most hybrids. And there's also no choise.
If you as an hybrid can control magic w/o anything to rely on then you can live, while if you cannot do It, it's a matter of time before you'd get zoned out by everyone and everything.
This Is a big issue, other than having everything fucked by the cult but that's another story.
Aight now bout demi-gods, they're also really not seen well. Most of them prefer not to interact at all with anything that Is not godly related, and in fact, most of em even refused to adknowledge their mortal parent, since they all have resentment over the sudden disappereance of all belivers.
If anything Naexi Is a weird one at that, as they did have a suddent interest in humans and ungodly creatures, though still recognized about how cruel any of them could've been, especially she's a demi-god and has a bad reputation at that.
The magic system Is relatively simple, they just get a certain amount of power from their god parent and are actually pretty capable of controlling them in confront of Hybrids.
That mainly comes from a special connection w their god parent's power, so in theory they're sort of devoted to them.
I wanna expand this when I'll do the gods post n finnaly introduce some of em (And potentially Naexi's mother👀), so I'll not go beyond this atm.
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Third part- Magical items/weapons
Aight onto another important part, which Is basically how tf would that work. We have that comin from Qiran's sword n Lyva's earrings, so they'll also be later on disscussed bout.
Even though it's a tough and long procedure, you can transport some of your own magic onto somethin as ordinary as an hat or as sharp as a dagger.
This Is being mainly used in emergency situations, as that energy can eventually be re-used later on by its user.
The user can be changed as long as there's a deal between both parties, whether that being a gift, buying It, or anythin up to them really.
It can also be a great way to hide mage's power, since there are some parts where they arent exactly that respected, so they could blend in with normal humans.
In fact, Qiran does that continiously thanks to their sword, daggers and other lil weapons, and they keep a big part of It there, to seem rather a normal knight/adventurer rather than havin somethin supernatural goin on.
They have a great holdo it since their father did make them learn to fulfill their request to be freerly goin round.
With Lyva it's not really different, even if she kinda stole It n there wasn't really a deal at that moment, but before runnin away from everyone n everything she convinced her mother to give her something that she could use to defend herself, since they were never around and when they were, they would've kinda avoided her.
Oh, and to add this, you could also curse an item. It's a way to mainly punish since ,well, it's a curse,
and makes the user either completely obsessed with the object itself or makin them do somethin w/o any type of consent, whether physical or emotional.
In some cases It can also be a torture tool. Though, as some recent stuff happened, they're somewhat hard to find.
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If you still have somethin unclear lemme know cuz idk If I covered everythin or if somethin ain't clear enough😭
Tags undercut:
@a-chaotic-dumbass @spoopy-fish-writes @dopesaladlady @damnfoxx @audre-falrose @nadi-117
(If you want your tag removed/added either dm me/go in the ask thing or do the tag thingy in the pinned comment‼️)
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felswritingfire · 4 years
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Relationship Headcanons (SFW)
Kaioh Retsu:
I'd like to start this off that he'd be really picky with his partner. Like, super picky not because he means to- it's just diffcult for him to be genuinely attracted to someone enough to pursue a relationship with them.
Looks aren't all that important to him, but personality is an extremely important aspect. He prefers people that are a tad more outgoing, but knows when to reign in their excitableness- that being said he also really likes shyer people as well; he thinks that they're very cute (what I'm getting at is that I high-key headcanon him as Pansexual-)
Before he got with you, he made sure that you understood his fighting career and how dangerous it could be. He'd leave it up to you if you'd like to pursue a relationship after he tells you, but he'll respect your decision if you say no. But he will be e l a t e d if you say yes
Away from that, though, when he does find a partner that he wishes to persue a relationship with- he is super, super sweet!
He's an extremely considerate and understanding partner and just really wants to prioratize you're comfort
If you want a more laid back partner, he is your man- there's barely any arguements in the relationship, and if there is anything bothering you and/or him, he'll bring it up in a conversation so you guys can talk about it
It takes him a bit to be completely open to physical affection, even when he does get used to it, he's still a soft maybe on PDA; he won't hesitate to hold your hand tho. He loves holding your hand. LOVES IT.
The first time he held your hand though, it was about 1 1/2 months into the relationship (no one else knew about your relationship prior to this), and Katsumi, Katou and Doppo almost shit themselves because "oH MY GOD, RETSU'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND/SIGNIFICANT OTHER! RETSU'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND/SIGNIFICANT OTHER! RETSU'S GOT A GIRLFRIE-/BOYFRIE-/SIGNIFICA-" (and yes, I have a feeling these three have just enough dumbass bastard vibes enough to chant this)
Retsu was red for a week because these guys are (lovable) assholes. And Katou gets socked in the face because he just straight up went: "So, you bend them over ye-" and then he got a broken nose
On a different note, he's really touchy-feely in private
HE LOVES COOKING FOR YOU
And if you can cook- then, baby, it's partner cooking
You are 10/10 meeting his master, he's also excited when you guys get along
You also end up becoming well acquainted with the others (Katsumi, Doppo, Baki, Etc.) If you weren't already. And, boy, do you end up with some life long friends from that (and good training partners if you fight!).
Even if you do fight, he's protective of you. He'd try to sheild you from anything- even Yujiro if you, God forbid, caught his attention (this could be from just being a pretty face that appeals to him or a SUPER strong fighter that he wants to be his pray). This man is very ride or die.
If you're with him for the Convict Arc, and you are a skilled fighter, be prepared for the fact that he almost shit himself if one of them attacks you. It's their funeral if they end up hurting you- no matter how bad- they're dead.
Now you manage to fuck one of their shits up? He is both simultaneously worried about you, proud of you and being like: Oh shit that's hot-
Retsu doesn't get jealous. He gets mad if someone is trying to come onto you and making you uncomfortable and will not hesitate to get in their face. But not jealous. He's a man who is every comfortable with himself and the relationship. He wouldn't have started dating you if he had even the slightest inkling that you were going to cheat on him.
No matter how tall or short his partner is, he likes to rest his face on their chest.
Jack Hanma:
You two, MOST LIKELY, met a Restaurant- like, maybe you got stood up by some asshole and you just happen to notice this monster of a dude sitting at the table right next to you shoving an entire steak in his mouth, holy shit?????
When he catches you staring at him in bewilderment, he just gingerly dabs his mouth with his napkin and says, "What you've never see someone eat before?"
"Oh, I've seen that plenty of times- I've just never seen someone shove a whole steak into their mouth." You snark back.
He's honestly a little flustered on the inside, because yeah, you're right. But on the other hand, this (he thinks) is prime flirting time. So then you guys hit it off from there and by the end of the night you two have become friends and exchanged numbers.
If you have daddy issues too, prepare to bond over them, because he will not hesitate to bitch about his dad, because fuck that guy
Once you do get in a relationship, you realize Jack is a very quiet lover. He's calm and collected and he doesn't say much
But he listens and you know he does because he'll hum and grunt, stealing little glances at you if you're chattering away
He's really attached to you and is another extremely sweet partner
He's also really observant and will snag things that he knows you've been eyeing
Meeting his little brother is a must, you gotta meet Baki and be approved, which you most likely will be because Baki is a super sweet dude and he knows that his brother would pick an asshole to date
He dreads the day that his dad will meet you, because it'll happen inevitably, but he doesn't want you to happen
When it does happen I feel that it's a similar situation to Baki and Kozue, the only difference is is that Jack is hella pissed and on the verge of going ballistic, because what the fuck, dad???? ME AND MY S/O WERE HAVING A MOMENT, ASSHOLE-
He's a soft maybe on PDA, it reay depends on the time of day with him
When he is in a mood though, he'll hold your hand or wrap an arm around you to keep you close
He likes to lay his head in you lap at home and just stare up at you
You're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen
Likes to give you kisses on your cheek and forehead
He also likes to pick you up and carry you: you talking your friend? Sorry, baby, it's time to go. Shopping? I don't want to be here any more and I'm bored, let's go. My dad's here? TIME TO SKADDADLE, BABE.
He's huge, so I doubt your taller then him, but, hey, I might be wrong, but he really likes pulling you into him and holding you to his chest
He takes you out on dates to fancy resturaunts
He has some insecurities from whenever he was young, so when he gets jealous he gets HEATED
Like he is ready to kill a man, pls do not push his buttons when he's like this, just take him out of the situation and shower him in love snd affection because he worries he's not good enough
Please smooch him. He's sweet
If you're a fighter, he'll spar with you, but very gently, which may or may not piss you off tbh
But he means well
Absolutly head over heels for you
Hector Doyle:
Ok, I want to say, Doyle is a very tricky man who loves his teasing.
It'd be pretty "obvious", from his stand point, if he had a thing for you and wanted to pursue you. To you and everyone around you though, he just kinda comes off as,,,,a creepy dude???
Like, this poor guy has the shittiest time with... Personal interactions, unless it's fighting or social situations where he has a "word template" to go off of. He's just a real awkward dude and he kinda, low-key, has no tact sometimes; like when he just stares at you from across that Café you like to go to like some sort of freaky stalker guy planning to kill you. It doesn't help that you two bump into each other a lot and he just blurts out "You're hair looks really soft" BUT YOU TWO DON'T REALLY KNOW EACH OTHER AND WHY IS THIS DUDE TALKING ABOUT TOUCHING YOUR HAIR??????
When you two do, somehow, finally manage to talk to one another, he explains all the freaky stares and comments and he's like obviously I was flirting? Isn't that how it's done?
No Doyle. That is not how it's done.
Once you two manage to establish a relationship, it's kinda up to you to make a lot of the first moves again, Doyle is very ignorant to how social interaction works, this applies to relationship etiquette as well. That being said though, he has some sort of knowledge about how relationships work from books and shows, that also being said, his version of relationships is probably outdated because of the type of books and shows he watches/reads (Pride and Prejudice, The Great Gatsby, The Picture of Dorian Grey, etc.)
You gotta be prepared to put in the work to reap the rewards in this relationship-which are a lot actually!
For one thing, he is an extremely loyal partner and a really good listener (this not pertaining to the end of season 3, you know?) And he surprisingly has really good advice to offer
And! Once he figures out flirting, he's really good at it! He end up flustering you a lot, so be ready for that.
He's an unintentional hard yes on PDA. He just doesn't care. Your his and he's yours- he can smooch you when he wants. BUT, he is still really weary of this since he is a convict and he doesn't want you to be used against him. Or get hurt because of him. But he does end up touching you in whatever ways he can to be close to you: so, a slight bump of the hands her; maybe if you two are in a crowded enough bar, his hand caressing your lower back or resting in your back pocket; feet resting on top of one another under the table in the very back of that Café where no one can see you two-
At home it's a completely different situation- he likes to grab your hips and press you against the wall and just kiss the ever loving F U C K out of you; his hands will wonder and this usually leads to some fun times, but sometimes it just ends in some cute ass cuddles.
And might I just add on to the whole Convict part: he didn't tell you that he was a deathrow inmate until the fourth date. And he just brought it up casually, on the inside he was nervous as hell, but on the outside he's like, normal calm and collected Doyle (I mean, if you didn't already know).
Doyle gets jealous every once in a while, but it's still pretty rare, usually he just, kinda shooes them off. But, when those rare moments do occur, get ready for a blood bath because whoever thought it was smart enough to try and flirt with you is either getting a verbal beating of a life time or a physical one. And let me tell you, either one is crippling, one just means you can walk away in tears while the other you're most likely dead
After that mess Doyle'll drag your ass out of there and take you back to the apartment where he's even more touchy then usual.
He tries his absolute hardest to shield you away from the other convicts. He doesn't trust any of them and is so, so afraid one of them will do something to you.
Similarly with Retsu, even if you do fight he'll be protective of you, but he'll most likely be more relaxed about it if you can fight.
In that same vein, he'd totally spar with you. And if it gets heated that just means he manipulate it into some fun times ;)
Really like movie night as a date night. He's been exposed to so many mainstream shows/movies because of you, it's great.
Sikorsky:
THIS BITCH- THIS SUAVE BITCH-
He walked into wherever you were and pinpointed you, out everyone else in the room, as the hottest piece of ass in there. Waited for you to notice the heavy weight of a heated gaze on you, look up and make eye contact with him before he gives you this lazy smirk and saunters, easy, slow steps, with all the confidence of Apollo, over to you and leans against the wall with one arm and starts chatting you up. It doesn't matter if you're taller then him, you will feel small and a lil' intimidated/turned on.
I ain't gonna lie, you guys probably start out as a one night stand and became a friends with benefits after you fed him waffles in the morning after aforementioned one night stand and got to know each other, knowing Sikorsky- he just ends up coming to you every time he needs to blow off steam, which is, admittedly, a lot.
Sikorsky is a big ol' dumbass when it comes to the dreaded things called emotions, so he drops of the face of the Earth (at least to you) after he realizes how bad he's got it for you.
He pops up again after he had time to think about it and mull it over. And, would you look at that? He brought flowers and chocolate!
He's real shit at using his words to express himself, he's more of a actions type of guy, opposed to words, that doesn't mean can't be eloquently spoken, he just has a hard time when he's getting frustrated/experiancing heavy emotions; so gift giving is his go to as an apology!
He's actually a really observant lover due to this! He also remembers really important dates too!
He's really good with his hands so more often then not, he'll offer to give you a message after you had a long day at work, this sometimes leads to some sexy time; even if it doesn't though, his hands still feel amazing: they're rough and calluses, sure, but it sends such nice tingles down your back, you can't help but sigh.
He's really gentle when he holds your hands because he knows that his grip strength is off the wall and, he won't tell you, but he is terrified of hurting you.
Another hard yes on PDA but this time it's intentional. Sikorsky likes to prove his dominance over you, which may or may not lead to some arguements between you guys, and flaunt you relationship so he will openly shove his tongue down your throat to prove a point.
He has a tendency to grab your hips and press you flush against him, or even pull you onto his lap in resturaints, he'll whisper dirty things into your ear like this, so be prepared.
He likes to push your buttons once in a while because he thinks your hot when you're mad. He's a little shit and sometime has the mental fortitude of a 12 year old boy. It just comes with the territory of dating him, unfortunately
Sikorsky gets jealous easily and flies off the handle way too much, you'll have to really talk to him about that. But afterwards he'll drag you of there and, instead of making it to your guy's humble abode, he'll take you into the closest alleyway and start making out with you hard. It's almost too much, but it's kinda hot????
Anyway, Sikorsky may not seem like it, but he has your back. He wouldn't let anything happen to you without a fight. Even if you're a fighter.
SPEAKING OF IF YOU'RE A FIGHTER, SIKORSKY WILL FIND IT HOT AS F U C K. LIKE, TRY AND KICK HIS ASS, BABE, DO IIIIT
You will def. be his training partner, whomst he will smooch and smack your ass at any given opportunity
He likes to lay his head on your ads and straight up be like "don't fart, babe, or I'll slap your ass so hard that you won't be able to walk for a week" and you've never want to slap a man more in your life.
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sinnabonka · 4 years
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Negativity in the fandom
Hey @bad-wolfies, I’m sorry for putting you on the display, but your reply simply fits perfectly my need to talk about something that’s been bothering me for a while.
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I mentioned in some other reply, that I write every single meta firstly for myself, to proof myself wrong, to fight the first impression. And then I share it, because I know that if I can save even one soul in this fandom from aching, even for a short moment, it’s worth it.
Everyone yells in my face Cas is not coming back - what tells me otherwise? Supernatural has a natural tendency to hurt characters and fans - what tells me things are different this time? Episode 19 is the shittiest shit ever produced - what’s brilliant about it?
I’m an angsty person, I’d die for a good cry, in my teen years I was that bitch who turned the sad music on and cried just for the sake of crying, that’s how angsty I was.
My natural way of perceiving things and situations is through finding the weakest points, through finding how it possibly can bite me in the ass. (It’s the essence of my job, though, so sometimes it’s a good thing to have).
I’m not a positive person, if I don’t put all my strength in it.
When I look up and see clouds, I think “Fuck, it’s gonna rain and I’m gonna get wet, get sick and then die”, never “Ah, maybe I’ll see a rainbow”.
The first thing I think of while doing anything? What am I gonna do when I fail. Not if, but when.
Why do I tell you this?
I’m very careful with what I absorb these day. I choose wisely what post to read, to reblog, to recommend in my blog. I’ve built for myslef a perfect little world, I gathered amazing positive people around me, who believe good things do happen and, most importantly, they will.
I read 3 comments on YouTube yesterday, accidentally, for fuck’s sake, and it sent me down the bottomless pit of angst for the whole evening. I could not bring myslef to replying any asks I got, because people were asking me for hope, for comfort, and I could not deliver. You can’t pay with what you don’t have.
I’ve reread all the amazing specs and metas of my favourite people in fandom, every single one weighed and logical, every single one reminding me of what I truly believe the ending of Supernatural will be. And I got back on track.
I put so much strength in being that little spark of hope and joy for everyone following me, but the truth is that I’m running on empty (see what I did there?), and I don’t need people shitting in my replies with their negative theories. Because I can’t help but join them in despair.
I’m willing to help, I’m happy to put all my faith in my specs, to help you overcome you concerns and fears, but I’m not gonna fight you.
You believe what you want to believe, I won’t be the one to change it for you, I want be the one to proof you wrong.
I give you the instrument, you are the one to use it any way you want.
Thank you!
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