#but no. i don't get that shit. she lives in my home and uses my stuff without permission and eats the food that is explicitly mine and -

[cre8inghavoc]

What are friends for?

PT. 12

Status: ongoing!!

Updates: no set date.

WC: 2349

Pairing: megumi fushiguro x FEM!reader

Genre/Warnings:[18+] Characters are aged up. This story contains toxic boyfriend, cursing, name calling, self-doubt/hate, angst, breaking up, post-breakup, alcohol, drug use, drunk moments, new friends, dating!au, college!au, no curses!au, dark humour, dark jokes, SMAU (not always), smut, violence

Recap:

You step out of the car, your voice trembling with emotion, a sense of numbness washes over you. "I-I can't do this right now…" you murmur, your words barely audible.

"Y/n! Wait!" Megumi's desperate shout echoes in the air.

"Y/n…?" Megumi's voice softens as he steps out of the car, searching frantically for any sign of you. Panic sets in as he realizes you're nowhere to be seen.

MEGUMI'S POV:

What the fuck?

Where the fuck could she have gone that fast?

Megumi's panic escalates as he realizes that there's no plausible way you could have disappeared so quickly without a trace. Frantically, he searches the surrounding area, driving through the town in a desperate attempt to find you. With each passing moment, his worry intensifies, his mind consumed by the fear of what might have happened to you.

Unable to locate you, Megumi's anxiety reaches a boiling point. He decides to return home, his heart racing as he bursts through the front door. As he enters the house, he's met with the sight of his friends gathered in the living room, preparing to eat breakfast.

His breaths come in shallow gasps as he struggles to compose himself, the weight of his concern evident in his frantic gaze.

"Where are you coming fr—" Maki starts, but Megumi cuts her off before she can finish.

"Have any of you seen Y/n?" he blurts out, his voice tinged with urgency as he paces back and forth.

His friends exchange concerned glances as they take in Megumi's distressed demeanor.

"Y/n? Isn't she asleep in your room or something?" Yuta asks.

"I thought she was with you?!" Itadori's voice carries a mix of confusion and frustration, his eyes narrowing as he searches Megumi's face for answers.

Megumi runs a hand through his hair, his thoughts racing a mile a minute. "She was but then she… She just disappeared."

His friends' expressions shift from confusion to worried as they absorb his words. "Disappeared? What do you mean?" Nobara questions.

Megumi shakes his head, his heart sinking with each passing moment of uncertainty. "I don't know… One minute she was there, and the next she was gone. I've been searching everywhere, but I can't find her."

"Megumi, what the hell are you talking about? It's like 7 in the morning. Where the hell would Y/n be? Where did you two go?" Nobara questions, her tone sharp with concern.

She glances over at Megumi and notices how he's staring at Itadori, so she turns to Itadori and fixes her gaze on him. "Itadori, you know something we don't?"

"Uh, no… Haha, what makes you think that?" Itadori says, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

"You're really bad at lying, you know that, right?"

"No, seriously, this isn't the time for jokes. What the hell is going on?" Maki says.

"Uh… well, you see, Megumi had to… you know, work?" Itadori stammers out. Megumi just rolls his eyes and adds, "I had to get shit done for Toji."

"What the fuck, Megumi? I thought you said you were done with that shit!" Nobara shouts, clearly frustrated.

"No, seriously, Megumi, why the hell are you working for your shitty dad?" Maki demands.

"Not my fucking dad."

"Well, whatever, you get what I mean."

"Wait, what does Y/n have to do with that anyway?" Inumaki asks.

"Uh, she kinda followed him… I tried to stop her, but she managed to get your keys and, well, took off before I could process what's going on. I chased her down in my car but lost her at the last minute," Itadori explains, his voice tinged with guilt.

"This isn't fucking important right now! We don't know where she is, and she could be seriously hurt! I don't know what the hell to do!" Megumi's voice raises, a mix of frustration and concern colouring his words.

"Wait, I have her location. Let me check." Toge says calmly as he opens his phone to check.

Megumi's heart races with anticipation as he rushes beside Toge, his eyes fixed on the screen of your friend's phone. With bated breath, he waits for the location to load, his stomach churning with anxiety.

After a tense moment, the screen displays a map pinpointing a general area. "Here," Toge announces, pointing to a spot on the map. "She's in this area."

Without a second thought, Megumi quickly rushes back to the door before his friends can even get up from their seats.

"Wait, we're all coming too!" Nobara shouts as they head out the door and follow Megumi. Megumi hops into his SUV, a seven-seater, and everyone else gets in too. Inumaki takes the passenger seat, his phone opened to the map to direct them to your location.

Y/N'S POV:

As you slowly open your eyes, you take in your surroundings, quickly realizing that you're not familiar with the area you're in. A single dim light hangs above you, casting a feeble glow on the dirty, messy space you find yourself in. The floors are dirt-covered, the walls look ancient, like you're in some sort of abandoned place.

Where the hell am I?

A sense of disorientation creeping in.

Am I dreaming?

But before you can process it further, a sudden pounding in your head jolts you back to reality.

Okay, definitely not dreaming…

You then feel something tight around your wrist, prompting you to turn your head slightly and peer down... but everything feels like it's moving in slow motion, and like it's almost blurry...?

Fuck… What the fuck? What the fuck! The thought sends a shiver down your spine as you struggle to make sense of your situation.

Panic surges through you as you realize the tightness around your wrist is indeed a rope.

Oh fuck, fuck, FUCK! AM I FUCKING KIDNAPPED?

Your heart races, and a cold sweat breaks out on your skin as the gravity of the situation sinks in.

No, no, no. This can't be happening. This can't be fucking happening! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Your heart pounds louder as you hear someone approaching, but the dim lighting and the haze in your mind make it impossible to discern their identity. Everything feels blurry, as if you're looking through fog, and even lifting your head feels like an insurmountable task...

That's until you hear their voice…

"Missed me, sweetheart?"

Haruta.

He moves in closer, his hand reaching for your chin to lift your head, and he smirks as he takes in your half-lidded eyes and constricted pupils. You try to speak, to say something, anything, but no words come out…

He chuckles at your expression before quickly withdrawing his hand, causing your head to fall back down, too heavy to hold up. "Already feeling it, aren't you?" he remarks with a hint of amusement.

You attempt to look up at him, managing to lift your head slightly and scrunching your eyebrows in confusion, but everything feels strange. Your movements, everything—it just feels off. He looks at you and chuckles again. "What's with that face?" he teases, noticing your expression.

"What the fuck did you do to me?" you mumble, your words slurred.

"What was that? Couldn't hear ya," your ex says teasingly.

"I said, what the fuck did you do to me, Haruta?" This time, you manage to speak more clearly, the frustration evident in your voice.

"Isn't it obvious? What I always wanted to do!" he laughs, his amusement ringing through the air. He moves closer, grabbing a chair from a corner and placing it right in front of you. Taking a seat, he reaches for your face again, but this time his grip is aggressive. "Make you take heavier drugs," he smirks, his eyes gleaming with malice.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? What the fuck do you want from me?" you say again, this time more aggressively. "Oh, come on, sweetheart, don't be like that," he says, his hand moving higher up your thigh.

Is he about to—

You panic, not knowing what to do, so you spit on him. "Don't fucking touch me! You fucking disgust me!" you shout, your voice filled with anger and disgust. "Let me go!" You begin to shout even louder, struggling against the restraints of the chair, desperately trying to break free from his grip.

But his grip tightens around your face, and he quickly turns your head to face him again as he rises from his chair. "You fucking bitch! Don't try that shit again, or I swear to God, I'll fucking kill you," he snarls, his voice laced with venom as he looms over you.

He moves his other hand to your throat, tightening his grip until you gasp for air, but you can't do anything to stop him. "Fuck you!" you manage to choke out, defiance burning in your eyes. "I fucking hate you Haruta."

This is it.

This is how I'm going out…

There's no point in fighting anymore…

But suddenly, he lets go of your throat, and you gasp for air, your chest heaving as you start coughing. "This isn't how I wanted to kill you, Y/n," he says, a hint of frustration in his voice.

"Why are you doing this?" you manage to say between coughs and gasps for air.

"Why now?"

"Oh, Y/n, I've always wanted to do this," he says, laughing as he grabs a needle and flicks it with his finger.

"What… What do you mean…" you stammer, fear creeping into your voice as you watch him with wide eyes.

"Don't be stupid. You really think I dated you because I loved you?" he sneers, his words cutting through you like knives. You freeze, feeling a mix of confusion, loss, and hurt wash over you.

"Oh god, you really did think that," he laughs, the sound echoing with cruelty. "Pathetic."

Your heart sinks as the truth of his words sinks in, leaving you feeling raw and vulnerable.

"I only dated you to get close to you, Y/n… Close so I could kill you," he admits coldly, the words like a dagger to your heart. "How do you think people would react if my clan murdered the daughter of the L/N family? We'd be the most powerful clan in the world."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" you say, your voice trembling with anger and disbelief. "Why didn't you kill me then, huh? Why after almost a fucking year of being together, why now?"

"I tried. I tried to fucking give you this shit," he says, looking down at the syringe in his hand before locking eyes with you once more.

"Just two milligrams of this can cause death, and you already have one injected, what's one more, right?" he says, his laughter filled with malice and cruelty.

He steps closer to you, and you frantically try to get out of the rope that's tied around your wrists.

"Please," you plead, your voice barely above a whisper, desperation evident in your eyes.

"Please,"

"Don't do this. I—I'll do anything, just please let me go."

But he only chuckles darkly, the sound sending shivers down your spine. "It's too late for that now, sweetheart," he sneers, advancing closer until you can feel his breath on your face.

You whimper as he comes closer, feeling utterly helpless in his presence. "Please, I don't want to die," you plead, tears welling up in your eyes.

As he looms over you, your heart races with terror, and you struggle against the ropes binding you, but it's futile. Tears stream down your cheeks as you realize the gravity of the situation.

"Please," you whisper one last time, your voice barely audible.

But he simply raises the syringe, his face contorted into a twisted grin. "Goodbye, sweetheart," he says, before plunging the needle into your skin.

You feel the sharp sting of the needle as it pierces your skin, followed by a rush of cold dread as the lethal substance begins to course through your veins. Your vision blurs, and the world around you fades into darkness as unconsciousness claims you.

In the depths of your fading consciousness, you can only pray for a miracle, for someone to save you from this nightmare. But as darkness envelops you completely, you realize that there will be no rescue, no salvation—only the cold embrace of death.

MEGUMI'S POV

"What building is she in? Where does it show?" Megumi demands, his voice tense with urgency. Inumaki quickly checks his screen, scanning the buildings in front of them. "The first one to your left," he says, his voice tight with worry.

Without hesitation, they all rush into the building, their hearts pounding with fear and determination. Frantically, they search every corner, calling out your name until they hear laughter echoing in the distance.

"Fuck," Megumi breathes out, his worst fears realized. They follow the sound of laughter and finally spot Haruta, standing over you with a sinister grin. Horror washes over them as they see you tied up against a chair, your form slumped and barely conscious.

They all gasp in horror as they take in the sight before them, Megumi's fists clenching with rage and desperation.

"What the fuck did you do, Haruta?" His voice is low and dangerous, his eyes blazing with fury.

But Haruta only grins wider, reveling in their anguish.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?" Megumi's voice trembles with anger and fear, his hands shaking with adrenaline.

"I'll fucking kill you!" Megumi's voice echoes with raw fury as he rushes forward, his hands closing around Haruta's throat with a vice-like grip. Itadori and Inumaki react quickly, rushing over to restrain Megumi and pull him off of Haruta, preventing him from carrying out his threat.

"Megumi, stop! Gojo will be here, he's gonna handle this," Itadori urges, his voice urgent.

Nobara and the others work to untie you from the chair. With their combined efforts, you are freed from your bonds, though you remained unconscious.

As Megumi backs off, his gaze shifts to you, his concern evident in his eyes.

Megumi rushes over to you, his heart pounding with fear and desperation as he kneels beside you, gathering you into his arms. "Fuck… Y/n, wake up! WAKE UP, please," he pleads, his voice trembling with emotion. Tears well up in his eyes as he gazes down at your still form, his hands gently stroking your cheek.

"Please, angel…" he whispers, his voice choked with emotion, as he presses a kiss to your forehead.

im so sorry this took so long to finish and im sorry that its kinda short...

also im sorry that this is kinda dark....

OK NO MORE SORRYS

also this might be shit? might not be... idek how i feel abt it...

TAGLIST <3

@lavender-hvze @xbarrjallenx @atinymonbebestay @1l-ynn @chilichopsticks @dr-fluff-meow @lost-resonance @maya-maya-56 @ichorstainedskin @luciiferslover @madaqueue @vanitywoo @hazedganyu

#fushiguro megumi x reader #smau #jjk smau #jjk #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk fanfic #megumi fushiguro #megumi smau #jjk fluff #megumi fluff #fluff #angst #jjk angst #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen smau #jujutsu kaisen megumi #jjk x y/n #jjk x you #jjk fic #jujutsu kaisen x you #jjk x reader angst #jjk x reader fluff #jjk series #fushiguro #megumi x you #megumi x reader #megumi fanfic #megumi smut #fushiguro megumi smut

[starry-bi-sky]

For the Danyal Al Ghul AU: How would Danyal react to other canon events like when Sam wishes she never met Danny, Tucker wishes for powers, the christmas episode, or other DP canon events?

(Also, I assume Danyal's cover is blown by the reality Gaunlet event.)

Ohooho I love this question. So im only gonna respond to the episodes you mentioned, since it's been a while since i actually watched the show and I don't remember all the episodes. And also since I don't remember them fully, I'm gonna get details wrong. I am fine with that, it still gets the gist down lol. I've got the tvtropes recap page pulled up, so i'll be using that to try and hit the major points it mentions.

So, Memory Blank! Man I've thought about that one, and its the one I'm frankly most excited to answer because it gets to show just how much of a positive impact being friends with Sam and Tucker had on Danyal. So where to start? Their fight goes differently than in canon, but I'm going to start from after Sam makes her wish.

Firstly; she and Tucker are friends, but the two of them are not friends with Danny. He's on his own. In this au, the three of them became friends when they were 11 and Danny's been in Amity Park for about a year.

They met in the beginning with Sam trying to befriend him at first because she realized that they shared similar ideals on environmentalism, but he rebuffed her pretty harshly due to a combination of grief over leaving his home, trying to process the fact that he can never return and will never see his brother again or meet his father, and just plain League arrogance lmao. He really hated being in Amity Park just in general because it wasn't his home and it was the city too.

So he was really rather unapproachable in the beginning. People kept a pretty wide berth of him due to Fenton association and his own vibes.

But Danny's still a kid, and they want socialization with their peers. At 11 he didn't have any friends, and was frankly quite lonely. He decided to approach Sam and Tucker after deeming them "acceptable allies", although Sam wasn't really interested at first up until he did the equivalent of apologizing. Tucker warmed up first afterwards, but Sam really wasn't too far behind.

So thats how they became friends, post-wish though? Lets say that Sam didn't accept the apology and rebuffed Danny, and kinda intimidated Tucker into doing the thing. Danyal closed down, backed off, and then never approached them again because he decided right then and there he wasn't going to chase it. Wasn't worth his effort or time.

Then he just. never approached another person after that because he didn't want to get rebuffed again (he wouldn't admit that it hurt a bit), and he could already tell his efforts wouldn't work. He turned his attention to other stuff. In this timeline it wasn't too difficult to find him at events dedicated to combatting climate change, deforestation, light pollution, animal cruelty, etc. the LOA is an environmentalist group, after all. They just also happen to be eco-fascist assassins-for-hire.

In summary, Sam and Tucker helped Danyal realize the flaws in some of the League's beliefs (the fascism) to the point where he could deconstruct it on his own. Being friends with them made him realize that, frankly, genocide was not the answer to environmental equilibrium, and that the people outside of the League had lives worth living. They also helped quell his arrogance, and just in general influenced him to become kinder even if it doesn't look like that all the time to other people. Sam and Tucker make him laugh, and smile, and just happy.

OG Danyal: wears pretty casual teen clothes. More punky-aesthetic. Has multiple ear piercings. These were self-done. Will have a lip piercing by the time he reunites with Damian, mark my words. Can and will wear muscle tees. Makes puns, jokes, is generally sassy with his friends. Can, will, and has climbed shit he shouldn't be because he enjoys the challenge of scaling a building. It's also very funny seeing Tucker and Sam reenact the "Gregory! HOW DID YOU GET UP THERE?!" meme. Still has a questionable moral compass, but like, he's not an eco-fascist.

This Timeline Danyal: dresses much more sophisticated; dark academia vibe. Closed off, cold. Is 2x more likely to kill someone than OG Danyal, who was frankly, pr kosher with murder already but only if he deemed it extremely necessary. Still an eco-fascist.

Danyal without Sam and Tucker? Still believes in the teachings of the League because he has not been really challenged on them. In fact, he has doubled down on it, actually. Living in the city, growing up estranged and ostracized by his peers, has only strengthened his resolve that all of humanity minus the league (and the Fentons) deserves to be wiped out. He is disgusted by the people around him and desperately wants to go home, even more than the last timeline. The only reason he hasn't is for Damian's sake, but he's been checking in with mother whenever she visits and asking to find a way to come home. She's been steadily wearing down on it; her child is miserable here.

This version of Danyal should not have powers, and is, essentially on the fast track of rejoining the league -- doubly so when he hears Damian is living with father. Clearly it's safe enough for him to be with father, if mother allowed it, and father has become safe enough for Damian to live there. Good. With the threat of two heirs being in the League gone, Danny can return with Mother's permission. And. he probably takes Jazz (and the Fenton parents) with him. Forcibly if he has to.

So Sam has her work cut out for her here, a lot more than in canon, because even when she does tell him that they used to be friends in another timeline, and he believes it, he is not going to give a shit. Clearly they were not as good of friends as she thought they were, if she had wished they never met in the first place. Good riddance, then. This Danny is cold, incredibly hurt, and very closed off.

He is a cave wall in comparison to the Danny Sam knew, and talking to him feels like walking into one. Because he is looking at her with just utter disgust and disdain, keeping a distance like he is revolted by her presence and allergic to her and everyone else's touch.

Which really, really fucking hurts when she knows that in their last timeline, he would actively seek out her and Tucker's company and affection. Sam could read her best friend like an open book, and now its like she's trying to read one in another language she barely speaks. This boy used to smile at her, he used to laugh at Tucker's jokes, and he was so passionate about the things he enjoyed. Now he looks at her like he wants nothing more than for her to drop dead on the spot.

It hurts even more knowing that her last words to her Danny were the words, 'some days i wish we never met'; the way he looked at her afterwards haunts her. For a split second, he looked completely crushed and heartbroken, before his entire body language and expression shut off and he totally closed down on her.

Because by this point in his friendship with her and Tucker, he's told them, he has told them, in a very intimate moment of vulnerability, that they are one of the best things that's happened in his life -- right there alongside the day he first met his baby brother. They are very important to him, and he has finally felt comfortable enough with telling them. There's not a day that goes by that he isn't grateful for their friendship.

So to hear Sam say that some days she wishes they never met? well. That breaks his heart. Just- just a little bit. Sam regrets it the moment it leaves her mouth, and she immediately tries to apologize, but Danny immediately spits back; "Well. I hope you get your wish." and then stalks off.

I'm warring with myself here trying to decide whether or not this new timeline Danyal is at a "point of no return", where nothing Sam says is going to make him attempt to reignite that friendship. Clearly that will end badly anyways, if this is the result of that friendship. He's cut all ties from these people; he feels no prerogative to fix things she broke.

Like, the version of Danyal I'm thinking of here has no close bonds with anyone in the city sans Jazz -- and she? has her own life outside of Danny. She is not his keeper, not his caretaker, and certainly not his therapist. (which i have beef about too, considering how she gets boiled down to 'therapist with no life of her own' but im not going into that.) She has some influence on him, but frankly not enough to really make him challenge his beliefs. Danny cares about her that, if he returns to the league, she is coming with him. Or at the very least, will be spared from the League's goals.

Mmmm. I can't make it a total point of no return though. Sam's very stubborn, and she knows Danny. And while this Danny is still very different, he is still Danny. She'll try and befriend him insistently in a way that might annoy him, but at least not push him away further.

(Tucker, meanwhile, is just soo confused about Sam's very random, very abrupt switch up. Cuz girl he thought you hated this guy? Why are you suddenly trying to get all buddy-buddy with the terrifying Fenton kid. Have you been possessed? Is this some kind of crisis?)

(Sam drags Tucker into befriending Danny because he is the only person she knows that can get him to belly laugh. Tucker is mildly terrified but going along with it.)

Anyways this does end with Sam befriending Danny, or at least getting him to like her long enough that he'll pick up a ghost weapon and face off against Desiree. There's no way in hell he's walking into that portal, that last timeline might have been a 1/billionth chance of it happening and he's not dying for the chance to get powers. And frankly with his training -- which he's probably kept up with even more than the old timeline because he had no one to spend his time with -- he doesn't really need them to be good at fighting them. Just show him how to ghost proof a weapon and he'll handle the rest from there.

But Sam does end up undoing the wish and getting back to her own original timeline in the end. It's the morning after her fight, and the literal first thing she does that morning is get her shoes on and fucking sprriiint to the fenton house. Bursts into tears when she sees Danny and apologizes over and over again. She swears she didn't mean any of it, and to please believe her, and Desiree's still loose and they need to stop her, and she's had the worst time.

She does tell him about the other timeline she just went through, and she hopes that, if it still exists, that that Danyal manages to find friends in the Sam and Tucker there after this. And if not them, then anyone.

Danny's still pretty hurt by what she said, it cut really deep, but he forgives her.

-----

Tucker getting his powers! Frankly things gooo... relatively the same as canon, I think? Actually, no. Danny probably figures out the whole Genie "i wish you would go back into your lamp" thing faster than canon danny since he's not a C student lmao. TV.Tropes doesn't give me too much specifics for a recap on the plot, so we're gonna wing it. For the plot I'm going to say that Tucker gets his powers before Danny figures out the "i wish" thing, which happens relatively quickly.

Danny tries to be... rather supportive of his friend getting powers? Especially since, in comparison to Danny, it was rather painless. However, he's also very suspicious. He doesn't trust the source of Tucker's powers, and warns him to be careful and to let Danny know if he feels off in anyway.

Tucker does end up helping Danny a few times, but the quick progression of his powers and Tucker's willingness to use them more often than not worries him. He reminds him a handful of times that Tucker shouldn't rely on his powers to help -- not even Danny does that. He prefers to use his weapons and martial arts to fight instead. Tucker doesn't listen.

And they end up fighting anyways. Things get resolved, everything turns out okay!

------

Christmas episode straight up just. doesn't happen. Danyal doesn't care enough about the Fenton arguing or about Christmas to be upset about said arguing. He thinks its really childish, but he's not a grinch about all of it.

--------

Okay it wasn't explicitly mentioned but i have thought about TUE. And I'm trying to think how that would go because it's the result of Danny getting his hands on the math answers and cheating. Which Danyal would not do.

And someone mentioned in the comments on my ao3 under the oneshots there that TUE might just straight up not happen. Which makes sense, Danyal is so different from canon that things don't have to always happen like it did in canon. So that's something I need to chew about, cuz if it does happen, then I'm going to figure out a different way for it to.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #danyal al ghul au #dpxdc crossover #danyal al ghul #usually i'd have a plethora of tags to add. but i dont really have much running commentary in mind lmao #i technically could just blow them all up in nasty burger just without the added 'cheating' thing. however. thats boring. #so i'll do my own thing #things in threes au

[munsonsmixtapes]

Hello my favorite writer!!!

I have a story request.. if you don't want to do it that's okay.. it was a dream a few nights ago and I can't get it out of my head.. but I suck at writing..

Older Eddie.. and younger reader.. like early 40s/mid/late 20s(Again, if it's uncomfortable for you write however you would like..) But reader finds out she is pregnant she is terrified to tell Eddie.. but he's like F. Yeah I still got it or something.. Prompt 33 and 40

Would love NSFW even as like a flashback.. or him being obsessed that she's pregnant.. 😱😅

(Tbh I think I'm just ovulating.. and that man has me absolutely feral haha)

Hello, my lovely! Thank you so much for the request! Tbh I eat this kind of shit up so this was so fun to write!

older!Eddie x fem!reader

cw: reader is 25 and Eddie is 40, mention of pregnancy, hurt/comfort

Prompts used: 33. “Why have you been ignoring me?” and 40. “What’s on your mind?”

This is a continuation of my older!Eddie series!

You stared down at the pregnancy test in your hands, the two pink lines staring back at you. You couldn’t believe it. You were pregnant. You and Eddie hadn’t even been together for very long and you weren’t exactly sure what he was going to say when you told him. If you were going to tell him. You just couldn’t bear to lose him after only having him for a few months.

You figured that you had been pregnant when you missed your period since it always came right on schedule and had been avoiding Eddie ever since. You knew that it wasn’t very nice to do, but you were panicking and that seemed like the only logical option.

Your heart hammered in your chest as you heard your bedroom door open. You quickly hid the test behind your back in a panic, knowing that Eddie would have been able to see it if he looked hard enough.

Eddie entered your bathroom and you tried your best to put on a smile that he quickly saw through. He looked upset, angry even. You supposed it was what you deserved for ghosting him like that. In your head, he had every right to be upset with you.

“Why have you been ignoring me?” He reached for you, resting his hands on your shoulders, giving them a squeeze. God, got missed his touch.

“I haven’t.” Why you thought you could lie to him, you didn’t know. He was always able to find out the truth when you did.

“Lovebug, I live next door. It’s pretty hard to ignore me unless it’s on purpose.” You knew he was right. He always was even if he’d let you be sometimes just to make you feel better.

“I’ve just been busy, Eddie.” That wasn’t technically a lie. Things at your job had been picking up so you had been leaving home earlier and coming back later so Eddie and you had been on completely opposite schedules. But that didn’t stop him from trying to see you.

“Right, busy not wanting to talk to me, hm? What’s on your mind, bug?” His hands rubbed up and down your arms as way to bring you comfort and you felt the test getting heavier in your hands as he tried to get the truth out of you.

“It’s nothing.” You shook your head, but Eddie wasn’t buying it. You were a terrible liar.

“Clearly it’s something if you haven’t wanted to see me. You can tell me anything, you know that, right?” Of course you knew that. Eddie was the person you trusted most so you didn’t know why you were so afraid to tell him the truth.

Trying to keep your secret was weighing on you and the guilt was eating you alive. You let it get the best of you and slammed the pregnancy test down on the counter where Eddie could see it.

“That’s why I’ve been avoiding you. Happy?” You stepped away from him and crossed your arms over your chest.

Eddie pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and took the test, holding it close to his face to see the results. Once he could read it, he let out a gasp and accidentally dropped the thing, letting it clatter to the floor as he took you into his arms.

“Of course I’m happy!” He exclaimed. “You’re pregnant. And I want you to know that whatever you decide to do, I fully support you.”

“I want to keep it. And I want you to help me raise it, but not if you don’t want to.” You didn’t want him to feel obligated even though you really wanted him by your side throughout the child’s life.

You could just picture it; him putting together crib, reading stories to your stomach, holding your hand while you were giving birth, and tears welling up in his eyes as he held the baby for the first time. In your head, that sounded like the perfect life.

“Of course I want to. This is the happiest day of my life, bug.” His eyes were getting misty and you wiped his tears away before your own started rolling down your cheeks.

“It is?” Your face lit up. Your fantasy was actually going to come true.

“Of course it is!” He picked you up and spun you around as giggles escaped your lips. “The woman I love is having a baby.”

“You love me?” You figured as such, but hearing the words was much different than assuming. God, he loved you. You really couldn’t have asked for a more perfect boyfriend.

“Of course I love you, lovey.” He pressed a lingering kiss to your lips.

“I love you too,” you replied, pulling him in for another kiss.

“And I love you,” he rested a hand on your stomach before dropping to his knees. He lifted your shirt and pressed multiple kisses to his as you let out multiple giggles as the feeling of his soft lips tickling your skin.

“C’mon, hon,” he took you by the hand. “Let’s go call Wayne. He’s not going to believe it.” Eddie dragged you into your room and sat on the bed before taking the phone and calling Eddie’s uncle to give him the very good news.

#stranger things #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x fem!reader #pregnant!reader #eddie munson x pregnant!reader

[paradiseprincesss]

Ooo I have been loving ALL your fics and your robert fischer one gave me an idea… the reader is a call girl who grew up poor, he hires us and after a while slowly falls in love with her and feels guilty and happy ending for both of my sad babies🥹

pov - robert fischer x reader

hi anon! I'M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG but i love this - robert fischer will always be a soft character in my mind, i feel like he's just...like that. i just feel like he's a sad and lonely guy with the sweetest heart - i need a robert fischer in my life fr.

summary: as a call girl, your life was chaotic. ever since you were a little girl you had struggled with both self acceptance and self love, but you suddenly meet a client who changes your perspective of everything you thought you knew.

warnings: smut 18+ minors dni!!, oral (fem!receiving), p in v, kissing, swearing, mentions of toxic household, daddy issues, mentions of escorting/prostitution lol

…to be loved is to be changed.

you never know when you'll meet the one that changes everything - fate is funny that way. you don't know when they'll show up in your life, maybe you already know them, maybe you don't.

"god, you have no idea what it's like for me! i was struggling to pay my tuition. i'm doing what i have to do to get by, mom!" you scream, tears streaming down your face.

"then go get a job," she yelled back at you, "being some old mans escort is not a real job!"

"i'm- jesus, i'm a call girl it's- it's just different, okay? and it pays well. i can't continue to pay for college if i don't do this. you know a regular job doesn't pay shit." you say, your hands trembling as you argued with your mom.

the one figure in your life that was supposed to show you unconditional love wasn't there for you; but you didn't hold any animosity towards her. she was struggling as much as you were. did.

not anymore.

you hated this - fighting and arguing with her. it hurt you deeply. but, you did what you had to do to get by. your father wasn't in the picture, and your mother worked two jobs but that was barely enough to make ends meet.

your whole childhood was tumultuous, you grew up in a home with a single parent, the other one gone without a trace. you didn't know love growing up, and honestly, it fucked up your perception of the world - of the word love.

you put your all into school; it was the only thing that distracted you from your home life, and you were good at it. you managed to get pretty good grades in high school, no less than an A- in any subject you took, and post-graduation, you got into a pretty good college in your area.

you had moved out the day you turned eighteen, eager and excited to go out and blossom in life; but reality hit you, hard.

rent was expensive, and paying for college? god, that was a struggle in itself. you worked the odd job here and there, whether it was a cashier job or waitressing job, but neither paid enough. you did a little online research and came across escorting. the only thing that really enticed you was the paycheque - and my goodness was it a hefty one.

you kept this life of yours a secret - but you told your mom the truth earlier when she came by to visit you. she was surprised to see the apartment you were living in; decked out and lavish. she'd asked you where you had gotten the money to pay for this from, and you told her what you were doing.

turns out your mother wasn't too happy about her daughter being a glorified escort, and after arguing with you, she slammed the door in your face, which left you a sobbing mess.

but at least you had money now, right?

after scoring a position with a lucrative company which you couldn't disclose for...certain reasons, you received your first job. then you booked another, and another, and soon, you were a top money maker there.

with a face like that and the body you had - you were not short on cash, let's just say that. you were getting paid thousands just to make appearances with rich men - and getting paid tens of thousands to sleep with them.

as much as you loved the cash, you were miserable on the inside. money got boring after a while, it was just another part of your unexciting, depressing, melancholy life.

diamonds and designer bags couldn't fix the hole in your heart, they couldn't fix the emptiness that lingered within you.

if there was someone who understood this feeling better than anyone else - it was robert fischer.

sure, he never grew up poor or struggled to have money, but he knew damn well that money couldn't solve all your problems. in fact, having a lot of money came with more problems, he thought.

robert didn't know love - it was unfamiliar to him. none of his ex-girlfriends loved him, they just loved his money. they didn't care about him, they just cared about cashing in.

and every time he broke it off with them, they would tell him "don't leave, i miss you" - but he knew better than that. they didn't miss shit but the money, designer bags, and the lavish lifestyle.

after a particularly agonizing day at work, robert came home to his penthouse; head clouded with stress. honestly, it had been months since he had sex - been forever since he just felt loved or had any form of intimacy.

he craved it real bad.

so, he sighed as he dialled the number on his phone, waiting as the line rung quietly. quickly, someone answered and he put in his request - "i'll give you fifteen grand to send over your best girl," was all he said over the phone, quickly giving his address over afterwards.

and that is the story of how you ended up as robert fischers personal call girl - but that was just the beginning.

when you first met robert, you were pleasantly surprised. usually, your clientele consisted of old, rich men who were (at least in your opinion) disgusting. however, robert on the other hand was handsome, young, kind and rich on top of all that.

he was your best client thus far, and you were his favourite girl - not that he had any other girls, anyway. he paid you way more than any other man did, and he tipped generously on top of that.

soon enough, you were only seeing robert - exclusively. for work reasons of course. and he tried to tell himself that, too. that this was just sex. it didn't mean anything, right?

wrong.

he pushed you down onto the bed gently, running his hands all over your body while his lips caught yours in a deep kiss. today, you were waiting for him in his penthouse wearing a baby pink, lacy babydoll with matching pink panties and some stockings.

robert damn near lost his mind when he saw you in your lingerie, his cock was straining against his pants the second he laid eyes on you - sprawled out on his bed, biting your lip teasingly.

"fuck, i love you in pink." he groaned against your lips - but what he was really trying to tell you was "i love you."

he positioned you so that you were now sat up against the headboard of his bed, propped up against the plush pillows looking like a princess. slowly, he took his hand up to your thigh, blue eyes still locked with yours, and teasingly started to take your stockings off. he did it excruciatingly slow with the other one, too.

once your stockings were off, he looked at you with admiration. he truly thought you were the prettiest thing he had ever seen. ethereal. "can i?" he asked softly, his hands now trailing down your inner thighs, dangerously close to your clothed heat.

"m-mhm." you hum with a small nod, trying not to lose your mind. keeping your composure around him was proving to become more and more difficult every time.

he hooked his finger into the waistband of the tiny, lacy, pink thong and pulled it down your legs, groaning softly at the sight of your cunt all soaked for him.

"you're soaked. i can see it." he said lowly, and it takes every fucking ounce of self restraint you have in your body not to moan at the way he says it.

"y-yeah. s'cause of you, robbie." you say softly as he spreads your legs open, his mouth watering at the sight. he peppered kisses onto the insides of your thighs, teasingly kissing everywhere except where you so desperately needed him to kiss you.

"please." you whisper, and that was all he needed to hear before he was lapping up your pretty pussy. he licked a stripe up your cunt and you let out a desperate moan at the feeling of his mouth on you.

he continued to eat you out as if it was the last thing he'd ever do, making your head spin. you were moaning his name over and over, begging him to let you cum on his face as he sucked on your clit.

he took one of his fingers and slowly started to pump it in and out of your soaking hole. "oh fuck, i-i need you inside of me." you pleaded, feeling yourself getting closer and closer to release.

"only if you cum on my tongue, baby." he says between your legs, and you started to gasp and moan as you felt your orgasm approach you at full speed.

"i'm- gonna cum!" you desperately cry, feeling yourself cream all over his face as he took every last drop of it.

he sat up wiping his mouth and chin, glistening with your slick, and smiled at you dopily - he was in heaven.

“lay back on the bed for me, princess.” he commanded softly, and you oblige immediately. as you find comfort within the huge, king-sized bed and soft pillows, he unbuttoned his white dress shirt and undid his tie, taking it off while you watched like a predator stalking its prey.

next came his slacks, which he was rushing to get out of. as his cock sprung free from his boxers, your body felt like it was going into overdrive. robert got between your legs and took hold of your hips before lining his cock up with your drooling entrance.

slowly, he pushed in and the both of you let out sinful sounds. sex never had any meaning for you - it was just your profession, you didn’t know any different. but when he was inside you, when you let him into you - things felt...different.

robert was in way too deep to get out now (both figuratively and literally), and he slowly started to thrust himself in and out of you at a slow pace. one thing you noticed about robert, especially when you guys were fucking, was that he never broke eye contact.

nobody had ever fucked you so sensually before, let alone with such care. he fucked into you gently, the both of you moaning and breathing heavily, and he got lost in your pretty eyes.

he loved you - and he knew it was wrong.

it was the one thing you shouldn’t do when hiring a call girl - fall in love with her. he knew he shouldn’t fall in love with a woman who’s literal job was to pretend that she loved you and fuck you right, but he couldn’t help it.

robert - like you - didn’t know what love was until he felt you. until he knew you.

“f-fuck, faster robbie.” you whispered, breathless and feeling almost out of touch with reality with how good he felt inside you - it was like he was made for you.

“god, you’re so fucking tight. you- ugh, you feel so good, baby.” robert moaned, and you could almost hear the desperation in his voice. “i’m already about to cum, jesus-“ he stammered, voice strained.

“then cum, ah-.” you urged, wrapping your arms around him in a way that was a little too intimate for it to just be part of your job.

“how much extra do you want, ten grand?” he panted as he fucked your pretty pussy, feeling you tighten up around his hard cock.

“wha- robbie, what?” you try to talk properly through the pleasure he was bringing you; it was overwhelming. you weren’t sure why he was bringing up payments and money now of all times, this had been discussed already at the beginning of…whatever this agreement was.

“how much to make you mine? please - i love you.” he said, losing himself in the feeling of you.

you felt your mouth go dry as the words fell from his lips, and in a panic you struggle from underneath him, trying your hardest to push him away.

“wait- wait, stop-“ you say all flustered and panicked. this wasn’t supposed to happen - this should never happen between you and your clients.

he stops as soon as you say the word, and you backup into the the headboard of the bed anxiously, grabbing the blankets to cover yourself up as soon as he had pulled out.

you had never known love before, so when you heard those words, it sent you into an abysmal spiral.

“i-i’m sorry, i just-“ he stammered, the two of you looking each other awkwardly, and robert felt his heart break in two silently.

“don’t apologize, it’s my fault.” you sigh, looking down.

“no, cmon- i shouldn’t have said that.” he said back, and you glanced at him for a second - he looked like he was hurting. like it physically hurt him to tell hear you turn him down in a sense.

you felt a tear run down your cheek, and you wiped it away, already embarrassed enough. this had never happened in front of a client before.

was robert just a client, though?

before you had a chance to answer your own question, robert answered it for you. he took his hand out, gentle and soft, and wiped the tears away from your cheek.

“what’s going on?” he spoke softly, and you just shook your head, avoiding all eye contact.

“i- please, i’m so embarrassed. i’m sorry. you don’t need to pay me for today.” you whisper.

he shakes his head, and grabs a robe that he had draped over the ottoman in front of his bed, and quickly threw it on. you stayed with the covers pulled up over your chest and the rest of your body, watching him carefully.

he approaches you cautiously, and without another word he pulls you into his embrace - warm and inviting, just like him.

it felt like the missing piece in your chaotic, incomplete puzzle that you called your life.

words failed you in that moment, but it felt foreign. the feeling of being loved, being comforted, being vulnerable was new to you. you didn’t know such feelings could exist - at least, you grew up thinking that anyway.

"i'm really sorry, i shouldn't have said that." he said softly, petting your hair gently. "no, it's- fine. i-i don't know why i reacted like that." you reassured him, not quite knowing the reason behind your erratic behaviour.

"we don't have to continue, okay?" he reassures you in a soothing tone, and you let yourself fall into the feeling of his touch and embrace for a moment too long, before coming to your senses.

"t-thank you," you mumble, "i just don't think i'm in a good head space right now."

"and that's okay." he reassures you once again - he was really good at that. "why don't we just end todays session and i'll see you again next week, same time?"

"yeah, okay. i'm sorry, robbie." you murmur, and robert could feel his heart beating rapidly as you said his name like that - the name you called him.

after that, you had left in a rush (and felt super unprofessional about it), profusely apologizing for what had happened but he kept telling you that it was okay.

once you got back to your place, you ran a hot shower for yourself to collect your thoughts and calm yourself down. after that, you got into bed and fell asleep quickly, exhausted from the day you had.

the next morning, you woke up feeling groggy, and frankly - still super embarrassed from yesterday. cringing at your own actions, you felt like you just wanted to curl up into a ball and never show your face again.

why did you react like that? why did you have to make a scene? why did robert's confession throw you off so badly?

deep down, you knew the answers to these questions.

you reacted like that because you grew up around constant chaos and poverty, you didn't know what it was like to be cared for, to be loved. you made a scene because for someone who's never known love, facing the unknown was terrifying.

but why did robert's confession throw you off? why?

you sat there in bed, wondering. wondering to yourself why he would want you of all people - some call girl he ordered because he was bored. why wasn't he with some other girl who had come from money like him? come from class? why would he chose you?

in that moment, it went right over your head, but his confession threw you off because you didn't feel worthy. you didn't know how to trust - you couldn't see yourself the way robert saw you, after all.

suddenly, you heard your phone buzz beside you. looking a the notification, you found yourself shocked. you had received an e-transfer from robert of double the normal amount he was paying you.

your jaw dropped and you had to re-read the numbers in your account to really make sure this was real. in a state of shock, you look through your contacts and give him a call in the spur of the moment.

"hello?" his slightly raspy morning voice answered, and you felt your heart do a little flip at the sound of it - but you pushed it aside.

"hey, robert, it's me," you say, taking in a breath, "i...you didn't have to pay me, i told you."

he sighed on the other line, "no, i shouldn't have...told you what i did. i'm sorry, i...i've been thinking about it."

you stayed silent, unsure of what to say next, but he continued talking regardless. "can we talk? i'll pay you for your time."

"you don't have to do that, robert. and yes, yeah let's, um, talk." you say to him, and the two of you arrange to meet at his at three.

you get yourself ready, doing your hair in your favourite hair style and your makeup all glamorous, throwing on your favourite saint laurent heels with a matching satin mini dress.

you rush out the door, and hopped into your car, speeding off to his place. usually, he would send a driver out to yours, but you were off the clock. he insisted over the phone, but you urged him that you could drive and it was fine.

as soon as you got to the building of his penthouse, he buzzed you in and you made your way up the elevator. after knocking on the door, he opened it with a small smile on his face. he was wearing the usual - suit and tie, of course.

as he welcomed you in, he told you about the meeting he had at his office earlier that day - hence the whole suit and tie getup.

"anyways, i'm sure i'm boring you with the details about my work meeting." he says, laughing softly and you smile. "not at all, it's refreshing to hear you talk about other parts of your life besides...you know, the usual stuff we talk about."

he smiled back at you, but it seemed he was having trouble getting his words out - he didn't know how to tell you what he wanted to tell you.

"er, please know that, fuck- i just, i didn't mean to scare you away with what i said." he stammered, clearly flustered.

"...what did you mean, robert?" you ask meekly, avoiding eye contact. he slowly steps a little closer, closing the gap between the two of you.

"i have feelings for you." he says, voice strained out of sheer nervousness.

"don't say that," you sigh, "this- us, it isn't real. it's just like, playing pretend."

you so desperately wanted to say, "me too, i fell for you too," but your insecurities stopped you. even though you worked in a profession where you were paid to be pretty, paid to look good as arm candy, you felt inadequate all the time. you didn't feel pretty - you felt indifferent. sometimes, you didn't even know who you were.

there was a lot of baggage that came with you, but it was nothing that would ever scare robert off.

"i know what it's like to 'play pretend,'" he said, emphasizing his words with air quotations, "i've done that for the last ten years of my life - with every woman i've ever dated. they pretended to like me for me and not my money, and i pretended that i didn't see what they were really doing."

"you're literally paying me to sleep with you, robert. this is transactional." you say, trying to convince yourself into thinking that was the truth.

"god- it's not. it's not, you know it, i know it. we both know it." he exasperates, and you look away again as he continues. "i can feel it in the way you touch me, the way you look at me, the way you say my name, i can tell. and i know you can tell by the way i hold you, talk to you - the way i don't want anyone else but you."

as he confessed, you felt your cheeks go pink. you didn't realize that he was this much of a romantic - it was kinda cute. it was obvious that he was so serious about this, but you on the other hand...

you weren't too convinced. you had never received such attention, such care or such...love before.

"why are you lying to yourself?" his voice snapped you out of your anxious thoughts, and you finally found the courage to meet his gaze.

trying your hardest not to get lost in his ocean eyes, you manage to get a response out. "i-i don't know. i guess i just don't understand it. i don't understand how you could like, fall in love with someone who does...what i do."

he sighed softly, tilting your chin up with his finger, forcing you to meet his gaze once again. "let me help you understand, then."

one second you were trying to deny every lovey-dovey feeling you had for him - and the next his lips were on yours. it just happened so naturally.

in that moment, you could feel every insecurity, every anxious thought, every piece of pent up trauma and trust issues subside with him.

he wrapped his arms around your waist lovingly, holding you in his embrace as he kissed you softly.

you were off the clock, and so was he. neither of you were your personas anymore. you weren't just some call girl anymore (not that he ever saw you as just that), and he wasn't robert fischer of fischer morrow right now - he was just yours.

you were the first to pull away from the kiss, and you looked up at him with a small smile, which he returned.

"you have no idea how much i care about you." he whispered softly, "i wish you could see yourself in the way that i see you."

his words struck a chord for sure, and you felt yourself getting teary eyed again. "jesus, robert - stop making me cry." you laugh softly, trying to hold back the tears.

"i want to know who you are - not the usual work stuff. tell me about your life." he said softly, keeping you close.

and so you did - you did exactly that. that evening, you had spent the whole time getting to really know each other. from childhood memories to what you ate for breakfast that day - no parts left out. he told you about himself too, and finally, you felt safe.

you finally felt like the years of walls you had built up were gradually coming down, and all the baggage you accumulated over the years was slowly fading.

you looked over the terrace of your suite in your lace slip, taking in the beauty of the eiffel tower which you could see from your luxurious hotel room.

"s'pretty, just like you." robert says, wrapping his arms around you from behind, placing a soft kiss behind your ear. "good morning, mrs. fischer."

ah, that's right.

you were mrs. fischer now - newly married and happier than ever. after that fateful night in roberts penthouse, the two of you just clicked. it was fate, no - destiny. it was like something you had never known before, the pull between you two was on a metaphysical level, and for once, you didn't fight the fall.

now, nearly three years later, you were taking in the gorgeous view of paris in the early morning on your honeymoon.

your wedding was beautiful - private and intimate - but beautiful. it was just the way you imagined it would be; everything you dreamed of. robert had proposed to you a week after you graduated from your program in college, and the two of you were happily in love - still happily in love, and always would be happily in love.

you decided to quit your call girl job, as there was no longer a need to work anymore at all. robert covered all of your finances, never once did you ever pick up the bill with him. he supported you in everything that you did, always being there for you and showing up for you when you most needed him.

he never judged you, never belittled you, never made you doubt how much he loved you. it was like he had superpowers with the way he was able to permeate through all the past trauma you had. it didn't matter to him if you were working in the escort business before he came along; he simply didn't care.

your past is in the past for a reason, that wasn't you anymore. you were a different woman now. softer and no longer had her guard up constantly. sometimes, you felt like he knew you better than you knew yourself.

because he loved you for you. he taught you how to be grateful for yourself, to show up for yourself, to love yourself the way he loved you.

"i love you so much, honey. god, i love everything about you." he said softly, kissing down your neck, making you giggle.

"mm, i'd love to see me from your point of view." you say, taking in the breathtaking view of paris, and your new life.

#cillian murphy #cillian murphy x reader #cillian x reader #cillian murphy fanfic #cillian murphy imagine #cillian fic #cillian x fem!reader #robert fischer x reader #robert fischer imagine #robert fischer x oc #robert fischer fic #robert fischer x y/n #robert fischer #robert fischer x female reader

[bingbongsupremacy]

Closure Pt. 3

I'm taking requests! Please send you ideas in! I'd love to write them!

Pairing: Steve Harrington x plus size!reader

Warnings: swearing, anger, idk what else

Series Summary: You never knew Steve could be so shallow. When he leaves you to date Nancy Wheeler, you're left with a pain you thought he'd never leave with you. Maybe you should've stayed friends.

Part Summary: Robin invites you over for a small get-together before you leave, little did you know Steve was also invited.

*Not Proof Read* Stranger Things Masterlist

Based on Taylor Swift's Song Closure. This was a request. I tried to make everything as general as possible. Pls let me know if missed something ty. Also Eddie did not die in this.

Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3

*****

It's just an hour. And it'll be nice to see everyone again. I mean, I haven't seen Robin in years. I wonder whatever happened with Vickie.

I press the doorbell of the older-looking apartment. A loud ring echoes from the other side of the door. Immediately, it's opened by an excited-looking Robin.

" You made it! " She grins, pulling me into a tight hug. Her hair's grown slightly but she still looks the same as she did in high school. " We have so much to catch up on. I haven't seen you in forever. "

" Of course I made it, Rob. I wouldn't miss this for the world. " I smile at the girl.

She leads me into the apartment, loud voices immediately flooding my ears. " Make yourself at home. There's snacks and games in the living room. And Eddie brought beer. There's a few people I invited that you might not know. I hope that's okay. "

" That's alright. I don't mind. "

" Well well well, look what the cat dragged in. " Eddie's playfully acts annoyed. His hands are on his hips, a pout on his lips. His arms support multiple new tattoos, some of which look fresher than others. " I thought you died. "

I roll my eyes. " Still alive and kicking. I see you're still a drama queen. "

Eddie gasps. " Am not. "

" It's good to see you, Ed. " I grin while hugging the slightly older man. " How's the band? "

" Better than ever. " Eddie pulls out a folded sheet of paper from his black jeans. He opens it, revealing this band logo on the very top. " We're playing multiple venues now. And we've been asked to go meet with some exec hot shots for a record label. " His excitement is evident in his tone. " We fucking did it, Y/N. "

" I'm so proud of you! "

The doorbell rings and Robin jumps up from her spot on the couch to answer the door.

A few muffled voices make their way down the hallway as Robin brings the guests further into apartment.

" What about you? What've you been up too? Livin' good up in the big city? " Eddie asks. His arms are splayed out comfortably on the top of the sofa behind him. His legs are lazily crossed out in front of him, his posture very casual.

I don't get to respond. A voice behind me grabs my attention.

" Y/N? "

I know that voice.

Steve.

I turn my head to see the man I'd been hoping to avoid for days now.

Fuck.

Steve's eyes are wide in confusion. He looks slightly older but still just as attractive as he did all those years before. His hair is still styled the same, only slightly longer.

" Steve? " I mumble in surprise.

" You two know each other? " Robin asks, a smile on her face. She has no idea about us.

I nod stiffly. " We did a long time ago. "

A small movement behind Steve's shoulder grabs my attention. Nancy Wheeler peeks over his shoulder, curious to who I am.

" Oh my, Y/N? " Nancy smiles warmly.

Even better.

" Hey, Nancy. " I greet politely. Moments ago this apartment felt fun and casual. Now it feels absolutely suffocating.

I thought I was done with Steve. I threw his shit away. Why is this bugging me so much? He's a stranger now.

Then why does he feel so familiar?

The doorbell rings again and Eddie lets out a grown. " How many people did you fucking invite, Robin? At this rate the whole towns gonna be here. "

" Shut up. It's the pizza. I'll be right back. " Robin rolls her eyes before disappearing into the hall.

" Didn't you two used to date? " Eddie asks out of the blue, pointing to Steve and I.

" Uh, yeah. " Steve nods awkwardly.

Eddie looks between Nancy and Steve. " Shit, you two dated too! "

Ten points to fucking sherlock over here. Really solving all the worlds greatest mysteries.

" Man, that's awkward. "

" You think? " I glare over at him. Of course, he had to bring that shit up, didn't he.

The room grows quiet. Nancy and Steve sit side by side on the ground across from Eddie and I. A small brown coffee table separates us, thankfully putting some distance between everyone.

" Who fucking died in here? Why are you guys so quiet? " Robin asks while carrying the pizzas in. " This is supposed to be a game night, guys. Not a sit-awkwardly-on-the-floor-in-weird-silence-and-stare-at-the-floor night. " She places the pizzas on an empty area on the coffee table. " I'm gonna grab some plates and napkins. When I come back I want everyone talking. " She playfully orders.

" So..." Eddie drags out the word awkwardly. He reaches into his pants and pulls out a small baggie filled with long white rolls. " Anyone want some weed? "

" You're not smoking weed in my apartment Munson! " Robin shouts from the kitchen.

This is going to be a long night.

*******

" I'm gonna go get some air. " I take one last swig of my beer before standing up.

Who knew Eddie and Robin were so competitive when it came to twister?

They don't seem to hear me over their loud trash-talking. Robin cackles loudly as she manages to contort her body somehow to get her arm onto a green circle. " It's alright, old man. You can give up now. We all know you've got fragile bones. "

" Shut the fuck up. You're just salty I kicked your ass at uno. " Eddie's voice dies down as I make it outside.

Outside is cold and quiet but it's a nice change from the loud environment inside. It's pretty late. Everyone is tucked in their houses, away from the streets.

I'd spent the last two hours debating if I should go home. Every time I'm about to say I need to go, thoughts about how I wouldn't need to leave if I didn't still feel sad about Steve start to pop up.

" Can we talk? "

" What's there to talk about, Steve? You sent me a letter. I read it. We're fine. " I reply stiffly.

" You never replied. " Steve steps out further onto Robins' front porch. He leans against the railing a step's length away from me.

I don't bother to look at him. " I didn't feel like it. I'm not into the whole letter thing. You know that. "

I've never been a fan of writing letters. It feels less personal than talking to someone else in person or on the phone.

Steve lets out a small sigh. From the corner of my eye, I spot the steam of his breath from the cold pre-winter air. " I'm sorry. "

" You broke my heart, Steve. " Anger bubbles in my chest. " You fucking broke it. Why did it take you so long to write to me? Why didn't you try to call? " I look over at him.

" I didn't know where you lived. You moved across the country, how was I supposed to get in contact with you? " Steve asks, his eyes staring into mine.

" That's bullshit Steve and you know it. If you really fucking wanted to you would've tried to get ahold of me. I was still at home the entire summer after graduation. You could've asked my mom for my number or-fuck even my address. You had options and you chose not to do anything. How am I supposed to believe you? " I feel my face heat up from anger.

" Admit it, Steve. You sent me that fucking letter because you feel guilty. You're ashamed of yourself. You wanted to smooth things over, make yourself feel better. Well, I'm sorry, but I'm just not ready to pretend nothing ever happened yet. It wasn't just the fact that you broke up with me, Steve. We were friends. Best friends, at least I thought so. You just threw our friendship away. " I let out a bitter laugh. " And the ironic part was you were worried that you telling me how you felt would ruin our friendship. No, you did that when you let other people's opinions into our relationship. "

" I was a fucking coward, Y/N! What do you want me to say? " He asks desperately. " I lived off of the opinions of others and that ultimately cost me the best fucking thing that happened to me. " He grips the cold railing in front of us tightly. " I lost you because I was too scared to be myself and I will never forgive myself because of that. " He sighs. " I don't want you to forgive me, Y/N. I just want to know you're okay. "

" I'm not okay, Steve. I-I'm so conflicted. " I gesture to the man. " I still love you and I'm so fucking angry about it. I shouldn't still love you but I do. "

" I still love you to. " Steve replies honestly. " I haven't stopped thinking about you. I wonder what you're up to and who you've become all the time. "

I miss him too.

" What do we do? " I ask after a moment of silence.

Steve shrugs. He looks defeated. " I don't know. "

" Are you and Nancy dating again? " I ask quietly.

Steve shakes his head. " What? No. We're just friends. We haven't dated since the end of Senior Year. She's with Jonathan. "

We fall into another silence.

" I'm not ready to date you again. I don't know if I ever will be. " I begin.

Steve nods sadly. He shoves his hands in his pockets. " I completely understand. "

" But I'm willing to try to be friends again. Only friends. "

Steve's eyes light up. " Really? " A small smile of relief breaks onto his face. " Thank you, Y/N. Thank you so much. I promise this is going to better than last time. I'll treat you better than last time. "

" This doesn't mean your forgiven, it just means I'm willing to try. "

Steve nods. " I get that. I won't let you down. "

Is this stupid?

Probably.

Will I get my heart broken again? I don't know.

But we only live once and who knows where this could go. Maybe Steve has changed. Maybe he's a better man.

I guess we'll see.

Steve Harrington, please don't break my heart again. Please.

Taglist: @sublimepenguinpeach-blog@queen-apple24

#fanfiction #fanfic #x reader #stranger things x reader #x you #x female reader #x chubby reader #x plus size reader #stranger things x plus size reader #steve harrington x plus size reader #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #steve harrington fanfic #eddie stranger things #eddie munson fanfic #robin buckley #nancy wheeler

[aleksa-sims]

RL Story

Today I went shopping with my Mom & Ana. We bought a baby bed. If it were up to my Mother, she would have bought a complete.... fully-equipped nursery and even more. Going shopping with this woman, is a never-ending ordeal.

I just needed a crib, everything else would have been too much!! We didn’t have enough space in my room. Later when I move into my new apartment, my little one will get his own room, but now, here, it's simply not possible! Idk what my Mom was up to?...And that.... fancy baby bed she bought, was extremely difficult to... assemble, because some screws were missing. That pissed my Dad off! So time for me to leave here!

I went down to the living room to chat with Ana a bit. I asked Ana to be honest with me. I still didn’t understand why she wanted to lie for Philip in court? Next week the trial starts.

Ana: It’s too late anyway. I officially moved in with Philip. I am now P.’s girlfriend. We take care of Annabelle together. With my help, Annabelle will get back to her dad.

Me: Why are you doing this for Philip?? You’re not really together and you don't love him. So, why?

Ana: Agh.... I'm doing it for Annabelle. If you had seen what I saw, you would do the same. I have to prevent Annabelle from staying with Isabella’s parents!! Believe me, I know what I’m doing.

Me: What are you talking about? .... Please explain.

Ana: But you can’t tell Philip! He's gonna freak out. If he finds out, he’s gonna do some shit and lose custody, even before he gets the chance to get it back.

Me: I won't tell P., Ana!

Ana: When Victoria and I visited Philip in the summer... Once Isabella’s brother came by, to pick up Annabella. A few minutes after he left with Annabelle, I made my way home too. I saw him and Annabelle downstairs, outside P.’s apartment. Isabella’s brother didn’t get Annabelle’s stroller in his car, he was pretty pissed. I offered my help. Then he placed Annabelle in her car seat and..... agh, she started screaming.... I think he slapped Annabelle, but I’m not sure, yk? I didn't get a good look. But I talked to him about it. ...

Ana: Tbh, I threatened him. If he hurts Annabelle and I find out, he’ll never see her again.... However, that’s why I talked to P.’s lawyer. He then talked to Philip and asked him to have Annabelle examined by a pediatrician. But he didn’t tell him why. He just said they might need a report for the trial.

Me: Why didn’t you tell me?.... Damn, we need to get Annabelle out of there! 🙁

Ana: Isabella’s parents treat Annabelle well, but her brother is... crazy! P.'s lawyer discussed this with them. He talked to their lawyer about it. And well, as far as I know, Annabelle is safe. But since that day, that... picture of Annabelle and Isabella’s crazy brother haunts me. I feel obliged to help Annabelle. And I WANT IT!!!.... Why I didn’t tell you is, bcs... I was afraid you would tell Nico and he would tell Philip, yk? But we have to stop Philip from finding out, or he’ll do some shit. You know him! That wouldn’t look good for him in court, if he hurt Isabella’s brother or something.

Me: You're right! P. is... unpredictable when he is angry. Don’t worry, I won’t tell N.!

Ana: Only one more week and we're off.

Me: I am the first to testify. I am curious what the judge will ask me? I know P.’s lawyer will ask me questions about Isabella. I’m supposed to tell them what it was like, when she told us about her pregnancy & Annabelle.

Ana: Yeah, you and Victoria are the first. A day later it’s Nico’s turn. I have to be there every day and also accompany Philip as his girlfriend. With me by his side, he’ll get Annabelle back.

Me: It’s gonna work! He’s her Dad. Kids belong to their parents. In any case, Philip owes you a big favor afterwards. You're Annabelle's Angel. 🙂

Ana: Not a big deal for me. I just have to pretend to be P.’s gf for a while. Most of the time I’m in college anyway.

I admit I was proud of my baby sis. Now I knew why Ana was so eager to help P. Poor Annabelle. Isabella’s family is just as crazy as Isabella!

After that Ana confessed to me, that she had some dates with P.’s lawyer. So this was true, but she didn’t fall for him or anything. And she also didn't sleep with him. He's 29! Nine years older than her. But he was nice and funny, Ana liked this about him.

Previous/Next

#ts4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #rl story #myrlgameplay #simself

[anirudhpisharody]

.

#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much #it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with #i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown #friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any #close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it #would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely #i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with #other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too! #it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes #it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know #like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk #to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that #i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that #it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have #more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i #don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so #they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine #wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine #and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom #which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn #anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed #i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight #shut up hanna

[sensazioneultra]

fatphobia is always tiring like always always but when it comes from your own family it's like. extra exhausting. it hurts soo bad. you can't ever escape it

#like that one coworker who pokes fun at your relationship with food and it's obviously rooted in fatphobia? you'll just go home and he won't #be there it'll hurt for a bit but you'll live #but like beside super dangerous fatphobia (talking life or death shit like medical fatphobia) the one that does the most damage to me #is that coming from my own family.. it's just. you already put 43 conditions before the 'i love you' (that you don't ever say but anyway) #and then when i gained lots of weight that was... another one to add to the list #but maybe i'm not used to it yet idk it's been quite a few years atp but idk? #it just hasn't gotten easier to hear them call me ugly and fat (in a derogatory way) and make mean comments and shame me every other day #like! it hurts so bad! why do you think it's funny!!!!!!! #this doesn't include my mum bc (sadly) she understands what it's like to be shamed for being fat she wouldn't do it to me #not like in a purposefully mean way at least #tho she does do some insidious shit like always going 'there's this new EASY diet that TOTALLY works' or saying x health problem is probably #due to my weight etc #which like isn't good? doesn't help? still hurts me? but it's different bc i know it's not rooted in hating fat people/me being fat #it's more like her own shit she went thru that she doesn't want me to go thru too and like yeah it's fucked up but i get it more than #just outright saying i am disgusting for being fat lol #like mh both suck but at least you're not joking about the fact even if i didn't eat i would be fine cause i'm so fat haha #yeah. just. a lot. #there's no escaping it i think the only way would be to move the fuck out and that would also help with uh. the misgendering thinly veiled #homotransphobia abuse constantly having to put up w their fighting and sometimes fighting w them myself #and the ableism and and and and #basically this is lowkey hell like i've learned to live with it more or less but jesus it is extremely exhausting #i just want out i've wanted out for years but every day i get closer to losing it #there might be something potentially coming up but i have to wait til the end of the month to see if anything comes of it #we'll see.. i rly hope i can rent this place idc if it's small idc if it'll suck most of my paycheck and i'll have to ask for my mum's help #i just need to at least try and get away cause like. i get to august every year and my father is absolutely impossible to deal with #and i know my mum feels the same and i hate leaving her ajnd my brother too but like #at some point i have to think about myself cause god what use am i even to them when i'm a ghost of myself in this house #it's just shit for everyone plus if i really get to rent that place it's literally IN FRONT of my family's apartment i could still help out #but at least i wouldn't LIVE with them i wouldn't feel so fucking trapped #whatever. bad bad bad day physical pain wise too

[curiosity-killed]

me: if i fly into this city for Christmas it’s (minimum) $200 more expensive than if I fly into other city (an hour further away)

mom, who is the entire reason we have to pay overpriced flights to the midwest multiple times a year and specifically for Xmas: idk that’s not super convenient....can you coordinate with your sister (flying from another city with a different airline) to make pickup easier

#WOMAN #ugh she's been annoying the crap out of me the last couple weeks #mostly just bc i've had a kinda crummy couple weeks and she's been doing her usual #but then she was doing her 'poor martyr' act at my sister abt christmas #like oh i didn't know....if you would be coming home.... #when my sister has literally never missed a christmas (bc doing so would probably get u disowned or at least close enough) #and it's like! dude we don't really want to go to iowa for christmas!!! it kind of sucks! #it's grey and gross and there's really nothing to do #(there are things to do in IA but not where we live) #so you're just stuck inside. the whole damn time. #and neither of us have many people we're still close to/in touch with from home #so it's not even like ''oh we can see friends while home'' #it's like #we will be stuck inside treated like children for 7 days and then also be dragged around to see the extended family #who love us but don't really give a shit about us in in really way #so we will just be there to facilitate their talking about their kids' dance competitions #....i'm maybe more irritated by this than i totally realized lol #but like i'm going to have dropped #probably between $4-5k on trips to the midwest this year #not including all the wedding costs #and yeah it's fine i can handle it #but that's still a significant chunk of money that i would have rather used on almost anything else #so yes if i can save a couple hundred bucks i would like to do that nnnnn #personal

[kuiinncedes]

me going from being bored in my house all day to bored in my apartment by myself all day wow 😍

#i have no idea where my roommate is also i still like dont know ... how to live w a roommate i guess lol like #i would like to know if ur not gonna be here at night ...... esp when it's just us two in the apartment rn but anyway #i texted her last night when i was going to sleep and i was like hey dw about turning on the light and stuff if u get back when i'm asleep #lol and then she didn't come back and she hasn't responded :P ik she's been helpign friends move in and stuff #bruh i helped my brother move in yesterday and i was kinda like so jealous that he has his group of friends here #whereas i moved in and i didn't know anyone in my building and i hadn't rly talked to the ppl from my high school in a yr #and i like kinda panicked abt being alone a little bit but he has all his friends and i'm happy for him but bitch when can that be me #but also like he and his friends are all in the same residence hall and i was thinking like i can already tellllll y'all are gonna be the #guys being loud talking in the hallways at night lmfao #anwyay #i'm gonna try to do some research work since i don't have plans until the evening lmao thank god i have shit to do tomorrow XD #i don't mind being alone at all i do kinda like it but the fact that ig i could much more easily be out doing stuff w friends or something #more easily than at home anyway idk why do i keep doing posts like this lmao #jeanne talks #ALSO I GOT A COUPLE OF THOSE RLY NICE ASKS SAYING LIKE LIST 5 THINGS YOU LOVE OR WHATEVER I WILL ANSWER THEM AT SOME POINT I PROMISE #idk things i love apparently lmfao #IN CASE I FORGET AND DON'T ANSWER THEM SOON THO ILY THANK U <3

[slipper007]

Cannot wait to move back to college

#cw negativity #to delete #im so frustrated #nobody listens and everything is always a personal failing. #here I am with three weeks until I go back and i gotta write two 10 page papers. that's already stressful. #so one parent nags me once a day and the other blows their top whenever they feel like it because theyre not done yet #why aren't they done? I'm working through shit from the traumatic bullshit of the year. this is a horrible work environment. I'm burnt out. #but no. go off about how I'm lazy despite straight As and never having had this issue in all my years of school. #i can't fucking sleep. my house is full of distractions but so is everywhere else. there's nowhere to work. #got kittens & im absolutely terrified theyre gonna die horrifically (thats totally not a trauma response from holding my dead cat for hrs) #I've been explaining I can't work without a desk since i was nine and yet there is still nowhere to work. kitchen has no wifi. bed has bed. #(my lil bro got a desk in 2020 except it's covered in his junk & in the living room where everyone always is so I effectively can't use it) #nobody else does shit w the kittens so they're always high energy. keeping me awake @ night. getting me up early. horseplay w each other. #trying to explain that im constantly overwhelmed by the environment gets me nowhere #trying to stay home when everyone else does things gets me nowhere #now im going to see my aunt & grandmother for a week because my gma is looking bad & she's gonna go & you're going to make me feel worse #about it??? you know how much I'll fucking hate myself if I don't go and never see her again? over fucking schoolwork??? #but thank you for reminding me that I effectively only have two weeks left. very helpful. just what I needed. #and thanks dear parents for never listening when I need you to be understanding. surely if you've finished grieving we all have. #how fucking dare they say im using death as an excuse to shirk my schoolwork. as if im not constantly worrying about it. #as if I don't constantly feel like shit about it. i want my school work done too. i just. can't focus. can't sleep. can't do anything. #and they're completely unwilling to do anything to help me with that. #like fuck i always knew i wasn't good enough for them to actually care but really this is a new low i think. #ugh #i was supposed to plan and research my thesis this summer too. so I guess I'll just be behind this fall too. #best four years of my life huh? #college is a fucking joke with shit like this going on #but at least it's not here.

[lvrby-katsuki]

LET'S GOOOOOOOOO I just managed to get my mom on the anti-monarchy movement

#mom: don't be disrespectful to the dead!! #me: don't be a pos when ur alive lol #mom: she was still someone's mother ! #me: yes. she was a good wife to her cousin and the mother of a p*do #mom: she looked after her country for decades!! #me: do you want in chronological order or alphabetical order the list of oppressive acts her regime has carried out ? #my mom is absolutely UNAWARE about uk's history btw #she doesn't know about how the witch's crown was stolen from africa #she doesn't know that their 'museum' really just is a glorified word for 'hideout of stolen things' #she doesn't know SHIT about how that bitch (and her fam) shamelessly lived off the wealth that was reaped from sl@very #she doesn't know how they built con//centration camp//s in kenya and plundered India using the east india company #and i told her that elizabeth didn't do SHIT. sure she didn't spearhead those acts. but she never rectified her predecessor's acts either #not even a single fucking apology to the millions that suffered due to their stupid ass monarchy :/ #bUT NOW SHE DOES KNOW. AND NOW SHE KNOWS HOW THAT BITCH IS DYING IN A BED OF GOLDEN ROSES #WHILE THE REST OF THE COUNTRY WITHERS AWAY. UNABLE TO EVEN HEAT THEIR OWN HOMES OR EVEN GET TREATMENT FOR FUCKING CANCER #education👏👏 matters👏👏 #uk politics #🍞. ∾gie talks

[neverendingford]

btw if you can reasonably own a car it's kind of a moral imperative for you to help out people who can't afford to own a vehicle.

obviously within reason: driving a friend an hour away might be more reasonable to you than doing that for a complete stranger, but just because you can ride above the filth and grime doesn't give you the right to pretend it doesn't exist.

give aid where you can.

#I'm using “filth and grime” rhetorically don't crucify me. I'm just thinking about the idea of the rich literally being carried above it all #color says shit #car centrism #class warfare #as much as I fight with my dad about specifics. he gave me an example to follow. stopping for people in the rain. helping out others. #I was driving an hour and a half to visit my parents yesterday and turned around to pick someone up #turns out he's headed to Texas to live with his mom and we chatted for a bit and idk. not virtue signaling but it feels good to help people #I own a car and my coworker can't take the bus home on closing shifts because they don't run that late. #why should she pay for an uber when I can take the fifteen minutes to drive her home? #I can afford a car and she cannot. I don't get to sit by and watch her struggle while I'm comfortable and happy. that's entirely fucked up #anyway. cars are a status symbol. we know that already. shitty urban pavement princess trucks especially #extend that understanding out further. use the privilege to help others. #anyway. Just a thing I think about a lot.

[measuredoutinyears]

How do you tell your own family that you're autistic

#i got the official diagnosis in july and i still don't know how to break it to them #the other day my sister told me i had autism and she meant it as a joke but that hurt because it was judgmental #and /neg and i. am afraid she might see me differently #if i tell them then i have to educate them first #and educating your own family feels like it's too much when you teach for a living #idkidkidk #they might resent me for getting the diagnosis behind their back too #(or backs?) #i went with my mom and we did this so quietly. that i don't think i mentioned it here either #so. yeah. took me 25 years lol #what if my family starts blaming the autism every time i get on their nerves #i don't want to be the autistic child every time i come home #and yet. i'm already that. they're just all so used at accommodating me that they don't notice. it's amazing and horrible at the same time #personal shit #i'm either going to post this or delete it

[autismserenity]

know someone who enjoys horror stories? share this one! it's true!

hahahahahahahahahaha aarrggghhhhhhhhhh 3,000,000 deaths due to COVID-19 last year. Globally. Three million. Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic. The reason people are still worried about COVID is because it has a way of quietly fucking up your body. And the risk is cumulative.

I'm going to say that again: the risk is cumulative.

It's not just that a lot of people get bad long-term effects from it. One in seven or so? Enough that it's kind of the Russian Roulette of diseases. It's also that the more times you get it, the higher that risk becomes. Like if each time you survived Russian Roulette, the empty chamber was removed from the gun entirely. The worst part is that, psychologically, we have the absolute opposite reaction. If we survive something with no ill effects, we assume it's pretty safe. It is really, really hard to override that sense of, "Ok, well, I got it and now I probably have a lot of immunity and also it wasn't that bad." It is not a respiratory disease. Airborne, yes. Respiratory disease, no: not a cold, not a flu, not RSV.

Like measles (or maybe chickenpox?), it starts with respiratory symptoms. And then it moves to other parts of your body. It seems to target the lungs, the digestive system, the heart, and the brain the most.

It also hits the immune system really hard - a lot of people are suddenly more susceptible to completely unrelated viruses. People get brain fog, migraines, forget things they used to know.

(I really, really hate that it can cross the blood-brain barrier. NOTHING SHOULD EVER CROSS THE BLOOD-BRAIN BARRIER IT IS THERE FOR A REASON.) Anecdotal examples of this shit are horrifying. I've seen people talk about coworkers who've had COVID five or more times, and now their work... just often doesn't make sense? They send emails that say things like, "Sorry, I didn't mean Los Angeles, I meant Los Angeles."

Or they insist they've never heard of some project that they were actually in charge of a year or two before.

Or their work is just kind of falling apart, and they don't seem to be aware of it.

People talk about how they don't want to get the person in trouble, so their team just works around it. Or they describe neighbors and relatives who had COVID repeatedly, were nearly hospitalized, talked about how incredibly sick they felt at the time... and now swear they've only had it once and it wasn't bad, they barely even noticed it.

(As someone who lived with severe dissociation for most of my life, this is a genuinely terrifying idea to me. I've already spent my whole life being like, "but what if I told them that already? but what if I did do that? what if that did happen to me and I just don't remember?") One of its known effects in the brain is to increase impulsivity and risk-taking, which is real fucking convenient honestly. What a fantastic fucking mutation. So happy for it on that one. Yes, please make it seem less important to wear a mask and get vaccinated. I'm not screaming internally at all now.

I saw a tweet from someone last year whose family hadn't had COVID yet, who were still masking in public, including school.

She said that her son was no kind of an athlete. Solidly bottom middle of the pack in gym.

And suddenly, this year, he was absolutely blowing past all the other kids who had to run the mile. He wasn't running any faster. His times weren't fantastic or anything. It's just that the rest of the kids were worse than him now. For some reason. I think about that a lot. (Like my incredibly active six-year-old getting a cold, and suddenly developing post-viral asthma that looked like pneumonia.

He went back to school the day before yesterday, after being home for a month and using preventative inhalers for almost week.

He told me that it was GREAT - except that he couldn't run as much at recess, because he immediately got really tired. Like how I went outside with him to do some yard work and felt like my body couldn't figure out how to increase breathing and heart rate.

I wasn't physically out of breath, but I felt like I was out of breath. That COVID feeling people describe, of "I'm not getting enough air." Except that I didn't have that problem when I had COVID.) Some people don't observe any long (or medium) term side effects after they have it.

But researchers have found viral reservoirs of COVID-19 in everyone they've studied who had it.

It just seems to hang out, dormant, for... well, longer than we've had an opportunity to observe it, so far.

(I definitely watched that literal horror movie. I think that's an entire genre. The alien dormant under ice in the Arctic.)

(oh hey I don't like that either!!!!!!!!!) All of which is to explain why we should still care about avoiding it, and how it manages to still cause excess deaths. Measuring excess deaths has been a standard tool in public health for a long time.

We know how many people usually die from all different causes, every year. So we can tell if, for example, deaths from heart disease have gone way up in the past three years, and look for reasons. Those are excess deaths: deaths that, four years ago, would not have happened. During the pandemic, excess death rates have been a really important tool. For all sorts of reasons. Like, sometimes people die from COVID without ever getting tested, and the official cause is listed as something else because nobody knows they had COVID. But also, people are dying from cardiovascular illness much younger now.

People are having strokes and heart attacks younger, and more often, than they did before the pandemic started. COVID causes a lot of problems. And some of those problems kill people. And some of them make it easier for other things to kill us. Lung damage from COVID leading to lungs collapsing, or to pneumonia, or to a pulmonary embolism, for example. The Economist built a machine-learning model with a 95% confidence interval that gauges excess death statistics around the world, to tell them what the true toll of the ongoing COVID pandemic has been so far.

Total excess deaths globally in 2023: Three million.

3,000,000.

Official COVID-19 deaths globally so far: Seven million. 7,000,000. Total excess deaths during COVID so far: Thirty-five point two million. 35,200,000.

Five times as many.

That's bad. I don't like that at all. I'm glad last year was less than a tenth of that. I'm not particularly confident about that continuing, though, because last year we started a period of really high COVID transmission. Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic. Here's their data, and charts you can play with, and links to detailed information on how they did all of this:

Here's a non-paywalled link to it:

https://archive.vn/2024.01.26-012536/https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/coronavirus-excess-deaths-estimates

Oh: here's a link to where you can buy comfy, effective N95 masks in all sizes:

Those ones are about a buck each after shipping - about $30 for a box of 30. They also have sample packs for a dollar, so you can try a couple of different sizes and styles.

You can wear an N95 mask for about 40 total hours before the effectiveness really drops, so that's like a dollar for a week of wear.

They're also family-owned and have cat-shaped masks and I really love them. These ones are cuter and in a much wider range of colors, prints, and styles, but they're also more expensive; they range from $1.80 to $3 for a mask. ($18-$30 for a box of ten.)

#covid isn't over #covid 19 #disability rights #disability advocacy #wear a mask #covid conscious #covid cautious #mask up #wall of words #public health #health care

[inkskinned]

no, actually, where is the whimsy?

my ex had a best friend named larry who asked me once: what do you think comes after irony?

we were at the bar where larry worked. it was a quiet night, and he'd hopped over to sit with us on the patron side. i swirled the lemon around my limoncello martini.

earnest positivity, i said, while my ex said, art self-destructs.

i stared at my ex. he stared at me.

his argument was the cinemasins argument: look how bad media is becoming! look at the loopholes and the dumb shit!

it was roughly 2011. galaxy print was still in. at the time, i had a favorite shirt that was a wolf howling at the moon. it got ripped in half in the wash and i honestly still mourn it. i dressed like effie stonem, because everyone did. and irony was the name of the thing. men liked MLP "ironically." the internet liked the kind of crass, "anti-mainstream" vibes of things like fuck romance, touch my butt and buy me pizza. we put cats in sunglasses everywhere, which was because we only liked things in irony.

and media had the same vibe in it: anti-hero white men would be "hard to love" and then storm off the scene. nobody was just earnestly trying to save the world: they were jaded, angry, unoriginal. mad you even asked them to try to help.

my ex ends up not being wrong. cinemasins becomes super popular. a lot of people start viewing media with this lens that is the cruelest, most jaded depiction. it's wrong for your character to have unexplained powers, even if the entire movie is about how strange it is she has unexplained powers - that is still considered a "loophole." characters make thoughtless, panicked choices? loophole. characters are actually kind people, despite hardship? loophole. features a woman doing literally anything without assistance? loophole. movies become hyper-aware of scrutiny, and now irony rules the media.

which means you go to a movie, and the character has to turn to the screen and say "beats me!!" or one of the side characters has to have some kind of quip like "are you seriously telling me that you think this is normal?" because nothing can happen in earnest. like a sitcom laugh track, we now anticipate the fourth-wall break: the moment that the media acknowledges it is telling a story. the media has to apologize for itself, or else someone like my ex rolls their eyes.

but here's the thing: i wasn't wrong either.

the difference might be that i am (and always have been) so soft-hearted that any crack in the light of this world will spear me into the ground. and i was the poet in the relationship. (he thought that was the same thing as being naïve and stupid). i was making things daily. i knew how all of us artists are driven by some strange desire to evolve. he notably liked to critique art, not to create it.

so yes, i've made things that are bitter and angry and even ironic. i've made long, sharp poems with all capital letters, and i've made poems about how the silence stretches out like a song. someone wrote once that we will spend our whole lives just circling the place we grew up. i think it's more that we spend our whole lives trying to remake a home. i think it's that as we age, it becomes less exciting to build the castle on the beach - we become aware of erosion, of windforce. we realize what we really want is to come home to our dog, castle or not.

and while art in the foreground is mired in white male violence and irony, and aggression, and not taking anything seriously - i don't think that's true of all art. i think more and more artists are leaning in to the things we love. the world has changed so much. they have taken so many things from us. the only thing we have left is love. at the bottom of the moving box - all we get is the faint sense that we have to appreciate what little we've got. i can't enjoy this stuff ironically anymore: what room do i have for irony? if it makes me happy, that is an amazing thing. there are so few happy places left for me. i want to be happy because of how leaves shiver beside each other like nestling birds. i want to be happy because of the color pink, and how magenta doesn't exist. i have spent so much of this life suffering, i have earned my right to a gentle ending. if nothing matters, i get to assign meaning to the nothing. i get to create meaning. i am an artist first and foremost, which means creation is my thing.

where is the whimsy? wherever i fucking put it. because if this is my last fucking chance to do any good in this world - i want to do it earnestly. i want to write things that make you happy. that make people feel heard and seen. what comes after irony has to be positivity.

it was close to my 21st birthday. in 7 years, i would end up writing a book about this relationship, which is hopefully coming out somewhere around May 2024. i come back to this bar scene in my memories a lot. i keep thinking of how pale my ex was. the look that crossed his face. how i looked back at him. how for a moment, both of us couldn't recognize the other person. like the gulf between us was a suddenly wide and cavernous thing. like we were alien to each other. he never took my opinion seriously, and he always seemed surprised whenever his manic-pixie-dream-girl ever broke free of the plot. like in the whole time we were together, i wasn't human enough.

this knowledge: where he said nothing comes after, my only instinct was what comes after is love.

#spilled ink #writeblr #this is a real story lol #looking back i liked larry as a person SO much more than my ex hollyyyyy shitttt #compulsory heterosexuality will do you DIRTY #edit to correct effies name my apologies to effie and effies family