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#but i just have no motivation. trust me i've tried
alcazarofthestars · 2 days
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More brainrots<3
I KNOW THAT I'VE BEEN INACTIVE FOR LIKE A WEEK BUT HEAR ME OUT:
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THIS
THIS BEAUTIFUL MAN
SO I GOT THIS IDEA WHEN I WAS WALKING BACK FROM SCHOOL
SO IMAGINE:
Casper with an angel reader in an enemies to lovers situation where the reader's job is to help people in near death scenarios so they would fight/bicker a LOT but this bickering slowly turns into flirting and then they started dating BUT heaven doesn't allow this so the higher angels try to separate you two by locking you away in a tower in heaven where no one can reach you. Heartbroken, he went on a rampage and burst into heaven to search for you and went on to kill quite a lot of angels before being sealed away for a thousand years or so. When the reader wakes up she doesn't remember anything besides her job. When Casper broke free the first thing he saw was you with another man.
OR
A reader who's the angel of death and collects the souls of people who belong in heaven while he collects souls of people who belong in hell. Usually they shouldn't collide but every once in a blue moon there will be someone who has an equal amount of sins and good deeds. This led them to get to know each other better and even develop feelings for each other but the reader knows that they just can't be because of their jobs and tried to distance themselves from him but ended up failing. Your heart just can't take it! But one day you overheard some gossips from the elder angels that they knew about your relationship and were planning on "taking him out" so he wouldn't interfere with your job. When they were about to do it, the reader put themselves in front of him and ended up getting reincarnated as a human with no memories. Casper found out about this and started stalking you. You still had the same personality and charisma, it's almost as if nothing happened. He took on a more human form and started to talk to you and make you trust him, after a while he found out that you were already in a relationship with someone else... This can't be right. You promised to be with HIM. You are HIS partner. No no, you're just not in your right mind, yes, that's it. Don't worry, he'll knock you back to your senses<3.
OR
MAYBE A SOULMATE SITUATION WITH HIM WHERE HE'S AN IMMORTAL AND YOU'RE A MORTAL WHO IS CURSED TO DIE SOON
Idk if someone made this before tho
Maybe I'll continue this Brainrot sometime... But my motivation is at an all time low rn...
so have this badly written Brainrot to wait
-With love, Lythia <3
P.S. feel free to write a fic with this plot(s) but PLEASE credit me
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posting this with absolutely no context
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aeolids-zenith · 1 year
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i hate posts that are supposed to be positivity for people who lack friends or that say that social connections are like unexpectedly inevitable/straightforward to make or something, but then like. don't elaborate on how that is possible. it always just makes me feel more hopeless
#space chirrup#idk. i suppose even if there was actually anything theoretically actionable in those posts i still might not feel like it'd work for me#i mean i've tried googling for actual advice but for some reason ''how to make friends as a chronically online socially stunted#possibly autistic barely-transitioned transgender young adult introvert with esoteric interests'' doesn't turn up anything useful#(idk if ''possibly autistic'' is accurate all the self-assessments i've done plus the psychologist i went to said i probably wasn't)#i suspect that i might be unnecessarily limiting myself with all of that#but i have absolutely no idea what is a reasonable amount to step outside of my comfort zone/interests#i don't even have anything that i want out of basic social interactions the thing that compels me is intimacy.#but i don't want that with someone i don't know already.#but how do i get to know people when there's nothing i want to do with them and i have trouble feeling like i want things in general#does that mean i'm depressed. i've had conflicting feedback on whether i am. what is the productive course of action if i am#bc i keep thinking that like medication wouldn't be worth it if i didn't have a plan to actually improve my life but that if i had a#plan i could just do it without medication#but idk maybe medication would allow me to identify an actually viable plan. ggggggg#ALSO does it make a difference that i only feel strongly about this when it's late at night#people always say not to trust how you feel at night but it's not like i feel GOOD about my life in the daytime it's just kinda neutral#like there's enough for me to survive without significant effort and i'm not completely joyless but idk what it's all for#and night is the only time i feel motivated to do anything about it.#though usually that thing is just writing a vent post on tumblr or something equivalently unproductive lolllll
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haven't been sad like this in a long time
#doll#did i get lovebombed again#it's been ages since he last even tried that w/ me...#but. the more i think abt it the more it makes sense.#the others were suspicious from the start but we couldn't figure out what the ulterior motive could possibly be#cause it was so out of character for him. suddenly wantin to make us more official when he'll usually avoid any trace of actual commitment#i guess he knows i dream about a more....traditional relationship. exclusive for both instead of just one way.#white picket fence etc#so it was easy to spin it into that when rly he just wanted to stake his claim in a more visible way#(not a proposal just a promise ring type of thing on a necklace so i thought it was him tryin to compromise)#so now i just feel stupid cause i bought into all the stuff he said. bout the way he wants this to be forever.#when it rly was just another way to mark me.#i'd be fine w/ it if he just said that's what he wants! he knows i don't mind wearin his name or w/e even though i don't rly get it#but tryin to mask it as smth else that he knows i want but would never ask for cause he doesn't do that stuff#it's not ok#everything he does we deal w/ as it comes but. not the fucking mind games again. he can't/doesn't wanna force me to do things (anymore)#so now he's tryin to trick me into em instead?#i don't feel like i can trust anything he's said now#n if i try to have an actual adult conversation about it he's just gonna talk circles around me til i'm dizzy again#i was rly startin to trust him. i don't understand. what happened?#did i do something? have i been so flaky he feels he needs to do this stuff to keep me in check?#he just told me that he's happy if i even just drop by for a little while but. i'm not sure i believe that now either.#i mean i shoulda realized cause it'd only affect me anyway. i don't think he even mentioned wearing one himself.#i've been so happy ring shopping for days n now i just feel sick. messing w/ consent is a whole Thing for him so#chances are he wanted to keep me content w/ an empty show of commitment while he gets off on what it really means#i shoulda known it was too sudden n came out too easy for him. he never talks about feelings stuff so easily it's always a struggle#i think it's all bc he's afraid of losin me but....i rly thought we were past this stuff. i rly thought i could trust him now.#i'm just rly rly upset n sad n disappointed#spdrvent
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ahgasegotarmy116 · 19 days
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Just Take It | Jeon Jungkook | Part Five
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Summary: You start a conversation with Jungkook about where you stand but are interrupted by an uninvited visitor Pairing: Inexperienced f!reader x Best Friend's Dad Jungkook (20 year age gap) Word Count: 4.7K~ Warnings: Suggestive and explicit language (an argument). Nothing too crazy honestly. Horribly edited too because it's been three weeks and I wanted to get it out! a/n: Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out but I was away from home for a week and then wrote a couple of one shots and blah blah blah lol but anyways I hope you enjoyyyy Requested by: @kkusadmirer 💜
After our eventful afternoon Jungkook and I ended up laying in his bed and watching movies since like he said, he wanted me to be "well rested" before we have the talk. The talk that could change everything between us... 
There are multiple outcomes to this scenario and I'm not sure if I'm ready for any of them. 
On one hand he could say this was all a mistake and he was just acting on his urges. I know now for damn sure though that he's attracted to me but I don't know what his motives and feeling are towards me. If he even has any besides surface level physical attraction. 
On the other hand he could want to pursue a friends with benefits sort of arrangement. Being fuck buddies or whatever with an older man does sound exciting when I think about doing it with him. It's just that don't know if I'd want something like that even if it was with him. 
I told Jared before that I wanted to save myself for marriage and I feel like that's something I still want to stick to. I've definitely crossed so many lines with Jungkook in the last not even twenty four hours, more like twelve hours or something like that but regardless lines have been crossed and I'm still not sure how I feel about any of it. 
I want to say that I don't regret it and it's not just because it felt fucking phenomenal and out of this world but because I feel safe with him.
It might just be because over the past couple of months that I've been living with him he's become someone I care about and honestly trust with my life so I didn't really feel a need to say no to him. I wanted it to happen, I know I did I just didn't really think it would ever happen. I thought that it would stay in my hormonal fantasies forever and I was okay with that. 
The way he's been treating me has shown me that he cares about me. Although I was trying to convince myself that it was somewhat of a paternal instinct in him and that he was just being protective over me, I knew that it was something beyond that. 
I tried to somewhat address it in a weird sort of way with the whole asking why he didn't have anyone over conversation and he knew what I was trying to ask and addressed it but his answer me even more confused. 
"I wouldn't want to ruin what we have going on here"  like what does that even mean? He doesn't want to ruin the dynamic we have in the house in terms of we're comfortable with each other and feel no need to let anyone inside our little safe space. 
Or did he mean that he didn't want to ruin what we have going on here because he wanted to see where things went with us on a more romantic level?
He hasn't explicitly told me that he would want to pursue a relationship with me but circling back to before he's given me clear signs that he's attracted to me and isn't one to hide it. 
He knows to a certain extent that I find him attractive too because I asked him to take my virginity. (I'm never gonna be able to live that one down) Anyone could tell that he was clearly struggling to hold himself back and the fact that he kissed me just shows that he wanted to. That he wanted me.
Then there's another possibility that he might want a sugar baby sort of relationship and I don't even want to think about something like that. 
Don't get me wrong! I respect the hustle, but that's just not for me. 
If I'm gonna be doing something like what we are doing right now then I want it to be something that I want to do without any ulterior motive. I don't want to put a monetary value on the time I spend with him but not gonna lie, living it large and not having to worry about money or working sounds very tempting.
I don't think he's that kind of man though...or at least I hope he's not. 
"Penny for your thoughts?" he asks playfully, having noticed that I haven't really been paying attention to the movie we've been watching. 
"Just thinking" I answer, cuddling in closer to him as I've refused to let go of him today and he hasn't made moves to do any different. 
"Bout what?" he prods further, placing a kiss on the top of my head and taking in the fresh scent of his shampoo in my hair.
"Things" I continue, liking the game we've started to play. 
"What sort of things?" he chuckles, telling me that he's enjoying it too. 
"All kinds of things" I say nuzzling closer into him and he wraps his arm tighter around me to keep me there.
"Wanna share a few?" he asks, clearly not letting this go since he wants to at least make sure I'm okay. 
"Thinking about how you might want to make me your sugar baby" I mumble into his chest and he laughs wholeheartedly making me even more embarrassed. 
"Is that something you'd want?" he asks and I shake my head. 
"You don't wanna be at home and sit pretty, waiting for me to come back and shower you with gifts and jewelry and give you the world?" he teases while pinching my sides making me pull away from him, trying to escape. 
"N-no! Now s-stop" I choke out through laughter and gasps of breath. "What would you want" he asks after having tackled me down onto the mattress making sure to do a thorough job of tickling me until I could barely breathe. 
I take a second to think, my eyes going back and forth between his while his stay still, focused and almost begging for an answer. 
"I thought we weren't going to have this conversation until I was well rested" I say, breathless, still not knowing up from down when it comes to us. If there even is an 'us'. 
"You feel well rested?" he asks, cocking a brow at me and I nod my head quickly, giving me a crooked smile in response. "Then it's perfect timing right?" he continues and I nod again leaving him getting off of me and leaning his back against the headboard, waiting to hear what I have to say. 
I take a minute or so to gather my thoughts and the whole time he's watching me curiously, almost able to see the wheels turning in my head. 
"What happened between us kind of caught me by surprise" I start, looking down at my lap and playing with my fingers nervously. "I don't regret it, it was just, well I'm just kind of confused about how you feel about me, and I'm really confused about how I feel about you" I admit and I can see his expression go a bit wary but I jump at the chance to explain myself. 
"It's just that I think both of us know at this point that we're extremely attracted to each other" I start out and the corner of his lips upturns for a second but nods in confirmation, waiting for me to continue. 
"With us getting physical and all so quickly I can't help but think that maybe we should take a step back. I would like to know your thoughts and intentions and feelings about all of this. I might be overthinking it but I really think it's best to be up front and honest with each other" I say and take in a shaky breath, scared I might've said the wrong thing.
"You're so sexy when you act so mature like that" he taunts and I groan, wanting to keep this serious. "I'm just playing Bunny. Well I'm not because you really are sexy but I don't want you to feel all nervous and insecure like you are right now. We're being open and honest right?" he questions and I nod my head, eager for him to continue. 
"Meaning it would be the perfect opportunity to tell you that I have feelings for you right?" he says and my eye bug out in response, not knowing what to do now. "Wasn't expecting that huh?" he chuckles and I shake my head making him laugh even more. 
"Cat got your tongue Darling?" he teases and scoff at that. "No I was just being polite and letting you keep talking since you let me do the same" I say, making excuses and trying to keep my voice level. 
"Sure Bunny" he smirks not believing a word I said but continuing nevertheless.
"I've had feelings for you for a while now and I haven't told you or acted on it because I wanted to respect the fact that you were in a relationship. I never liked Jared though for what it's worth" he says without hesitation and it makes me cringe at the thought that I was about to marry that snake. 
"Is it harsh to say I'm glad he's out of the picture?" he says boldly making me laugh. "Not just because it benefitted me but because he didn't deserve to marry a beautiful, intelligent, kind hearted woman like you. I would've said something but I'm not your father so I knew it wasn't my place" he finishes and making me smile, thankful that he was so considerate. 
Now that I think about it, even back then I respected and trusted his judgement so it wouldn't have bothered me even if he did say something.
"It's not harsh to say because I'm happy about it too. To be honest though I don't really know what I ever saw in him. I think because he was the first guy that more or less respected my boundaries that I thought I had to hold onto him. I don't know" I say and he nods his head.
This is something I haven't experienced before. Someone sitting and taking the time to actually talk things out without any outside distractions and focusing on each other and hearing each other out. 
Maybe it's just an age thing and the fact that Jungkook does fit the standard of dating older and more mature men is better. We're not dating though, but I guess we'll hopefully figure out where we stand once this conversation comes to a close.
"I'm really confused and I kind of don't know how to feel but I'm not closed off to figuring things out" I say, glancing up at him and back down at my lap, nervous from seeing how fascinated he is with me right now. 
I hold my breath and wait for him to say something but when nothing ever comes I chance looking up at him again and I'm surprised to see how he's still watching me.
"Like I said, I've had feelings for you for a while and if you're open to seeing where things go then I would really like to take you out on a date. Like on a proper date. I know since we've been living together and we've been spending a lot of time together but I-" he start off strong but begins to ramble and is regretfully cut off by the sound of the front door opening. 
"Dad! Dad where are you?" Jina calls out and neither of us dares to move or make a sound. "Dad" Jina drags out, regretfully confirming that I am in fact not dreaming. "Be down in a second" he says then presses a finger to his lips. 
"Just stay in here and I'll take care of it" he whispers and I nod my head, watching him as he panics internally before leaving the room and closing the door softly behind him. 
What the hell are we gonna do? My car is out there! Or wait, did I put it in the garage yesterday? I can't remember but I really hope it's not out there otherwise she'll already know I'm here. 
"What are you doing here?" Jungkook says. I can hear his muffled voice through the walls and I know I probably shouldn't listen but curiosity gets the best of me making me rush to the door and quietly crack it open, needing to hear how this conversation goes. 
"Nice to see you too dad" she says, and I hate the fact that I'm only able to hear them but I'll settle for this. 
"You should've contacted me before you came over Jina. You know I don't like people showing up unannounced" he says sternly.
"You're usually totally fine with me coming over" she says sounding thoroughly confused and I can hear Jungkook clear his throat before she starts again. 
"Am I interrupting something?" she asks after no doubt clocking the dishes that were left over from lunch. Two plates, two cups and two sets of silverware. A dead giveaway that someone is here especially since it hasn't been cleaned up yet. 
"You are actually" he says and I trip, surprised that he would straight up admit it but he has no reason to hide, and neither do I.
Having pushed the door open thanks to my clumsiness (somehow able to stay upright and keep my dignity this time) I'm faced with the dilemma of if I should just go back inside and pretend that never happened when it clearly did or come out and face her. 
I'm given the luxury of having that choice since she hasn't seen me yet but I decide it's better to do this as soon as possible. We've hid the fact that I've been living here for two months so what's adding on the fact that I've been messing around with her father while doing so. 
(Although this is a newly added feature but she doesn't need to know that)
I take a deep breath before stepping out from behind the door, watching Jina's face go from surprised to confused to disgusted to angry before turning back towards her father. 
"You're fucking my best friend?" she accuses, not completely wrong but semantics. 
"Best friend's don't fuck around and get pregnant by their friend's fiancees" I remind her, walking down the stairs in conveniently only Jungkook's shirt making what's going on, or what's starting to go on between us even more clear. 
"Oh grow up! It's not like there's anything we can do to change that now can we? Plus looks like you're doing just fine without him" she throws at me and from that moment I'm not pulling any punches. She wants to play dirty? Fine, let's play dirty.
"Jina stop it" Jungkook growls, going on the defensive, not being able to gauge what kind of mindset she's in or even her reasoning for coming here but wanting her out all the same.  
"Grow up?" I chuckle dryly, "I guess you're right, I guess maybe I have started growing up since it seems I've matured enough to be with someone like your father. Which, last time I checked, wasn't someone you have any business in questioning on things like his sex life and who he does and does not partake in it with" I say, placing a hand on his bicep possessively and I feel the tension he had once held in his body start to melt away. 
Interesting to know that I have this effect on him...
"Come on, we both know that you're probably just a piece of ass to him" she scoffs before turning to address him. "Didn't know you started picking up strays. I wondered where she had ran off to" she says, continuing to disrespect the both of us without a care in the world.
"Don't call her that!" Jungkook says, jaw clenched as a way to keep himself in check. 
All I see is red though and the next words I hurl out are ones that I couldn't stop myself from saying even if I tried. The ringing in my ears fanning the flames of my agitation making it impossible to hold back.
"How's life being pregnant with my fucking ex boyfriend's baby? He's probably taking real good care of you huh?" I taunt, cocking a brow at her and from the way the color rushes to her cheeks and the words die in her throat are enough to tell me everything I need to know. 
He hasn't done shit for her.
She balls her hands into fists by her side and lunges at me but Jungkook jumps in between us, grabs her by the shoulders and turns her around, forcing her out the front door. 
"You're gonna throw me out and choose that slut over your own daughter?" she yells struggling to get out of his grasp the whole way. 
"Last time I checked honey the only slut around these parts is you" I throw back, following right behind them and the way her jaw drops is just priceless. 
"That's enough! Jina go!" Jungkook says through gritted teeth letting go of her once she's passed the thresh hold, leaving her standing there, looking between the two of us before scoffing and storming off down the driveway. 
"I knew you were obsessed with her I just never thought you would bother acting on it" Jina spits out at her father and when she sees that he doesn't flinch she hurls more baseless lies and insults at the both of us. 
"You know she's just using you to get a place to stay and get over her ex right? What happened to staying a virgin until you got married y/n? Huh? Guess getting cheated on really fucked you up" she spits while unlocking her car. 
"And I guess fucking around with an ego-driven two-timing narcissist gets you pregnant" I throw back and she purses her lips before sinking down in her car, accepting defeat this time and leaving like her father told her to. 
"Say hi to Jared for me" I call out, waving at her as she grips the steering wheel until her knuckles have gone white, putting it in drive and backing out of the driveway.
I walk over to the couch and let out a big sigh once I've sat down, throwing my head in my hands as a way to ground myself. 
Breathing through this dizzy feeling from that whole confrontation that I had not been prepared for is a lot tougher than I thought it would be, my whole body still buzzing.
I hear Jungkook close the door behind him after having watched her speed down the street, still worried for her safety but also wanting to make sure she was actually gone. What happened just now was enough of a confrontation to last me a lifetime, or at least it feels that way.  
"Hey" he whispers, kneeling in front of me and rubbing my back, "Are you okay?" he continues and I nod my head, feeling the tears prickling in my eyes, calling my bluff.
"Come here" he whispers, sitting on the couch next to me and pulling me onto his lap, rubbing my back again and holding me while I let out some of those tears I had held back.
"I don't even know why I crying" I say, sniffling and sitting back up to dry my eyes.
"No one likes getting into fights with someone they used to care about. Well, nobody sane likes getting into fights with someone they used to care about" he says, trying to lighten the mood and it does the trick making me scoff a bit, smiling at his efforts to make me feel better.
He cups my face and wipes a few tears that had fallen, looking at me with his brows pinched together as if his heart is breaking with mine.
"But you still care about her though, don't you?" he asks and I nod my head. "It's hard not to" I admit, getting off his lap and sitting next to him which makes him angle his body to face mine, taking hold of one of my hands, encouraging me to speak my mind. 
"She's been my best friend for the past five years. That's not something that can magically be turned off for me. I know what she did to me was devastating and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive her for it. I'm still trying to heal from it all so I don't know, I couldn't help but defend myself, and you. I'm sorry you had to see that" I say, mumbling the last part and feeling so much regret for saying those ugly things about his daughter right in front of him. 
"Everyone has a right to defend themselves and when you're being attacked like that, you can't help but say hurtful things. She had no right and she knew that and wanted to hurt the both of us anyway" he says and I take a deep breath before turning my attention back to him because she said just as many hurtful things to him as she did to me.
"Are you okay?" I question, tightening my hold on his hand to hopefully encourage him to be vulnerable with me as well. 
He nods his head with a sad smile and waits a beat before saying anything and I hold my breath until he does. 
"No one wants their daughter to end up in the kind situation she put herself in or see the people that they care about hurting but what she said didn't hurt me" he says and I nod my head, paying attention to his hand that I have placed in my lap, tracing the swirls of ink with my eyes as they travel further up his arm. 
"What did hurt me though was the way she was talking about you. You know that's not how I feel about you at all right?" he says, tilting my face up towards him making purposeful eye contact with me, needing to know that I believe him. 
"I know" I nod, giving him a sad smile accompanied by my still glossy eyes making him even more sad seeing how upset all of this has made me. 
"Can I do anything to make you feel better?" he asks, cupping my face and keeping my eyes on him when I try to turn them away. "No, I'll be okay" I shake my head and he studies my features before nodding and accepting my words at face value. 
"Okay, do you wanna go back up to my room? You can sleep in there with me if you'd like" he says, brushing a tear dampened strand of hair out of my face. 
I give him a mischievous smile, telling him I know what he's up to but he pulls away and puts his hands up in a way to defend his motives. 
"Just sleep, I promise. Scouts honor" he says, crossing his heart and I laugh at his playfully defensive nature. "Sure" I say, taking hold of his hand while he stands up and leads me back to his bedroom. 
~~~~
After having talked a little bit more about what had happened the topic of conversation circles back to what we had been in the middle of before she showed up. 
"So earlier it seemed like you wanted to ask me a question" I say, taking a sip from my soda that had come with the take out we had ordered hours ago, toying with the straw and keeping his attention. 
"Yeah? And do you know what your answer might be to said question?" he teases, wetting his lips and keeping his eyes trained on mine. 
"You have to ask the questions first Daddy" I say placing my drink down on his nightstand and when I turn to face him again he's tackling me down on the bed peppering kisses all over me. 
"Stoooppp" I giggle and he laughs along with me before leaning back to hover over me. "Will you go out with me?" he asks and I can tell that this whole moment has him feeling like a teenager again.
"I thought you'd never ask" I say, running my fingers through his hair making him lean into my touch. 
"You can't take it back though. Once we do this I won't ever let you go" he husks out, placing a kiss on my palm and I shutter at the feeling. "Then don't" I breathe out making a flame of desire flash through his eyes. 
"You're gonna get yourself in trouble you know that?" he warns, placing a kiss on my nose before getting off me and turning off the tv. "Hey! I was watching that!" I pout "No you weren't" he chuckles. "Plus it's time to go to bed. We've got a big day ahead of us" he says, getting under the covers and motioning for me to do the same. 
"Big day?" I question, not remembering we had something on the agenda this weekend. "I may or may not have planned out our date this morning while you were still in bed Sleeping Beauty" he says, pulling me onto his chest but I sit up pulling away from him with my brows scrunched together. 
"How were you so sure I would say yes?" I scoff, shocked by his bold assumption. "From the way I've been making you moan my name I figured you wouldn't mind going on one date with me in return" he says and my jaw drops, throwing the covers off myself and making a break for it but he yanks me back towards him making me flop down on the bed. 
"You can't just say things like that" I whine, hands over my eyes as a way to block him out of my vision and hide the very apparent blush that I'm sure is starting to bloom. 
"Am I wrong?" he taunts, placing kisses on my neck and collarbone, dangerously close to making me moan his name again. 
"You're no fair" I say, pushing him off and giving him my back making him chuckle at my shy behavior. He lays down and pulls me back into him. My back now against his chest and his hand placed on my hip where I'm again reminded that I'm only wearing his shirt and my under ware. 
"Keep your hands to yourself Mr." I tease while prying his hand off me. "Come on darling, you know I'm a man of my word. Just sleep, nothing else" he says, this time sliding his hand further up to hold onto my bare waist. 
"Fine" I grumble out and he laughs and nuzzles his nose into my neck, taking another deep breath, flooding his senses with my scent. 
"Goodnight Bunny" he mumbles against my skin. "Goodnight Daddy I tease and am rewarded with a slap on my ass. 
"Did, did you just spank me?" I say trying to wiggle out of his hold but he's already got his arm wrapped around my waist again. "I told you that pretty little mouth of yours was gonna get you into trouble didn't I?" he says, switching to rubbing his hand along the tender flesh he just struck, caressing it in a way to ease the pain. 
I pout and settle back into the bed, not dignifying his words with a response. It's only when I accidentally move my hips backwards do I freeze from gaining a soft moan from him, no doubt caught off guard from the contact of my ass up against him. 
"Sorry I didn't mean to I-" "I know Bunny, just go to sleep" he says placing a kiss on my neck and holding my hips in place, putting a little more space between us. 
As I slow my breathing to a steady one I start to lull myself to sleep but I flinch at the sound of his cute snores in my ear. 'Something I'll have to tease him about in the morning' I giggle to myself and take his hand off my hip, choosing instead to hold it against my chest having him surrounding me. Soon I'm slipping into that dreamland he had drifted off to moments before, safe and warm being in his arms.  
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churipu · 4 months
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CUTIE ! — JJK MEN & THEIR PARTNER WHO WEARS CUTE SOCKS
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featuring. itadori yuuji, gojo satoru, todo aoi x reader
warnings. none :)
note. i was wearing this really cute pair of socks with very cute frog motives and just got this idea out of nowhere, i kept asking myself how jjk men would react with having a partner who likes to wear cute socks. also for requests, i'm working on them! so they will be coming out one by one anytime soon <33 (and i've been having a todo brainrot lately, we need more fics of him :(( )
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ITADORI YUUJI. i feel like yuuji fanboys when he sees you in your cute socks, he clutches onto his chest and just thinks about how he got such a cute partner. and i feel like yuuji will buy you socks when he's out, for a mission, for a hangout, on a date with you. there will at least be one pair of socks that he takes home with him.
yuuji thinks about you so much sometimes he remembers what socks you have and don't have — and every time he sees one that you don't have for sale, he wastes no time in buying them for you.
"baby, look!"
you look at him dangling two matching pom pom purin socks, "you got that for me? oh my gosh, i've been wanting to buy them for some time now! how did you get them?"
"i saw these while i was walking back and immediately thought of you, so i bought it for you!"
yuuji just loves watching you wear cute socks, especially the one he buys for you. he won't stop in buying them for you in the future.
fun fact: he got you a box of sanrio matching socks so the two of you could match.
GOJO SATORU. absolutely. loves. your. collection. he treats them like his own, would gush over how cute they are on you and would try to look for more. gojo is totally that person who sees you wearing them and immediately tries to find the same motive with his size so he could match you.
he wants to match with his partner.
he is so that "matching outfits" type of boyfriend, loves it when you ask him to accompany you to buy more socks. i feel like he would literally drop whatever he's doing even if it's important (unless it's a mission) and just teleports over to you.
"okay, let's go shopping."
"aren't you in a meeting?"
"no, they cancelled." obvious lie, he just didn't want to be left out — he has to be in on it when you get your socks. and if you come home from somewhere with a pair, he'd literally break down.
"you.. how could you do this to me y/n? i trusted you!"
"satoru, i just bought socks! what do you mean?"
"exactly. fake people everywhere i go." big baby. gojo just wants to be there when you buy your socks. period. no more debates.
TODO AOI. have you seen his necklace? it's a picture of his idol and yuuji. but ever since he settled down for you — he changed his idol's picture to a picture of you smiling brightly. he's so in love with you it's cute.
and todo, the first time he finds out you have a cute socks collection was when you invited him over for the very first time into your apartment. and you were wearing these really cute dinosaur printed ones that managed to attract his attention.
and when he asks you about it, you told him you had more.
so now socks are just a daily gift for you, todo would go on missions and come back with at least two pairs. he's out there obliterating curses and comes back with the cutest gift for you (apparently according to his friends, he strolls around after the mission trying to find a shop or two and if he doesn't find it, he buys you something else). what a cutie.
"look, i saw these when i was fighting a curse. so i came back to the shop when my mission was done."
"...you scare me sometimes," you tell him with a nervous smile as he looks at you, arching a brow in confusion, "you're hurt and you still managed to look at cute socks in a fight?"
"anything for you, darling!"
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© CHURIPU 2023 , DO NOT COPY OR REPOST ANYWHERE !
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emailed the therapist who i used to see in 2020-summer of 2021 to ask about maybe working together again and i have been obsessively checking my email for the past two days... please get back to me even if it's to say no i can't take the suspense
#i did kinda ghost her. like i missed a session with her right before i got hospitalized#and then just never responded when she tried to contact me#so i would get if she's like. this girl is flaky i can't do this again#or if she's just not accepting new patients#but she's lowkey one of the best therapists i've ever had i just... was not open to therapy and was not making progress with her#and i was just very very bitter at that time in my life#which i still kinda am.#but she was kinda woo woo which at the time i didn't always love#but it was also refreshing. and the therapist i just ended with was super by-the-book#'ERP is the only real treatment that works and you haven't gotten better because you've never really tried ERP'#and eventually i just got so sick of that. i was like i do not feel capable of doing ERP with ED stuff and he was like well too bad. can't#help you then#but tbh i need more support right now. i have my dietician who's great and my doctor who i can't get in to see#i just need more help it's going so bad#but i cannot do the whole thing of meeting a new therapist trying to trust them again. trusting mh professionals is uh. i can't do it.#and she already knows i'm gay which is important bc it's like. it's a problem for me. and i can't come out to anyone again right now#and we're really trying to avoid going back to monte nido bc if i have to do virtual PHP/IOP i will kill myself#and if i have to go back to res.... i like to think i'm not at that point yet but i may be and it will be a WHOLE thing#and i actually have a jewish life now and it's a huge motivation for me to recover but if i have to be IP/res then#i won't be able to do that.#plus they make you eat all kinds of weird things. you only get three exceptions how am i supposed to work with only 3 exceptions#i would end up having to eat oranges#and bananas#sigh#is it obvious that i'm kinda spinning out a little.
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transmascaraa · 4 months
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gaming headcannons!
he's liked you for a while now...
crush!gaming x gn!reader
author's note: sorry this took a while lmao i was too lazy to write anything. it might be ooc but oh well i js really like him and he's so skrunkly omgshhfhs and i wanna do a gf furina x reader FANFIC for a christmas special or smthn😍 i'm too insecure abt my writing skills like for fanfics but i hope it comes out good🤷 anyways, enjoy👍
"so you see, i've been dealing with a strange feeling ever since we've met..."
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-he would be all over you already at the first eye contact you two made
-he was really energetic when he met you
-oversharing about himself, talking constantly and giving you a compliment every now and then
-you kinda fell for him too, but didn't think much of his actions(you were a little blind)
-he tried flirting a couple of times and it made you blush but again, you were a pessimist.
-but he had high hopes on you loving him just by the look you gave him
-so after a while of knowing eachother, you guys met at the lantern rite, a small place near a little lantern shop
-"hey y/n!" he waved and smiled brightly at you
-"oh, hey gaming!" you replied, walking towards him and smiling in return
-he was head over heels for you, trust me.
-not like you weren't for him.
-the two of you chit-chatted for a little bit, just enough for him to get comfortable in the conversation.
-"hey, also, i see the people getting prepared for launching the lanterns, do you have yours?"
-"yup, let's go!" you exclaimed as you unconsciously grabbed his hand, making him blush a bit
-getting to a place with not too many people there, you finally started lighting up your lanterns, whispering your wishes to them and slowly allowing them to fly high up in the sky, making your wishes come true.
-the sky was covered in lanterns.
-little lights.
-little yellow dots.
-until they couldn't be seen anymore.
-while you were looking at them, he was looking at you.
-your eyes shining in such adoration as you looked at them.
-his shined too, but not for the lanterns.
-for you.
-finally, you looked back at him.
-"wow, that was so beautiful..." you softly said to him.
-he only had a few seconds to think before replying.
-now or never.
-now or never.
-now or never.
-"but not more beautiful than the person standing right in front of me."
-one could say that there was a smile on his face.
-but a Mona Lisa type of smile.
-you blushed and hid your face.
-"w-what?..." you were too shy for this.
-no way he actually said that.
-you were dreaming.
-"i'm being serious... i've..."
-*sigh*
-"i've liked you for quite a long time now..." he shyly said.
-"but it's up to you if you wanna try..."
-he was so insecure.
-he was looking down the whole time, not even realizing that you were ready to look him in the eyes and answer
-"gaming..." you said, voice barely above a whisper.
-"h-huh?" he looked up, his eyes meeting your eyes.
-eye contact.
-he trusts you.
-you trust him.
-"i like you too..." you put your hand on his cheek and gently caressed it with your thumb.
-he was left speechless.
-his face was burning.
-his heart going 1000 miles per hour.
-"y-you do?"
-"yes, gaming, i'd like to try this. only with you." you were looking at him with a hopeful look.
-"thank you, my dear..." and before you could say anything else, he had his forehead pressed against yours.
-so... close.
-"i love you..." he whispered, blushing so hard.
-"i love you too..." and with that, your lips met in a soft, true, kiss.
-your wishes came true.
-now you surely know what to wish for next year...
~~~~~
this won the poll and when i have the motivation i'll do this similar confession but with dahlia. BUT FURINA FOR CHRISTMAS FIRST.
TYSM GUYS FOR SO MANY LIKES ON MY RECENT POSTS I'M GOING INSANE.
ily all sm also this gaming guy is adorable omfg
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marleemutt · 5 months
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TLDR: im a black trans artist who can use some help right now following the sudden passing of my only sister - her doberman is now the responsibility of my parents and we can use help for his food, supplements, toys etc.
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Kofi (help me send Chewy orders to my parent's house)
Wishlist (literally send him things like toys, treats, etc.)
⬇️ more info ⬇️
hey guys
some of you might be aware of this already, but early October, my eldest sibling & only sister suddenly passed away due to a seizure, she had been dealing with epilepsy her whole life.
this has been incredibly difficult for me, and my family. her passing was incredibly sudden, she was only 30.
for the past month or so ive been struggling to find any motivation to draw, and barely able to work.
she was the incredibly devoted owner of a doberman named Remi(Ramsey). Me and my sister traveled 4 hours to pick him up three years ago. He's a goofball who tears up socks and needs constant supervision. My parents love him, but I can tell he is a lot of work for two people who have fulltime jobs and have lived long lives.
I'm going to try to help them take care of him as much as possible, I feel that it's the least we can do to honor my sister's memory, since she loved him so deeply.
My sister always wanted a doberman, for years she would watch videos about dobermans and talk about them to anyone who would listen.
Remi wasn't easy to raise - I shared a room with my sister when she got him in 2020, she still worked a 9-5, five days a week, so I was his nanny for most of his difficult childhood. I was his chew toy for the first year of his life about - but that only made him bond closer to me. If he wasn't following my sister, I was choice #2. Dobermans are "velcro dogs", they were bred to guard their owners, and because of this, they are fiercely loyal. I've been moved out of my parent's place for going on 3 years, and my sister had just moved with Remi out a few months prior to her passing.
A week before my sister's sudden passing, we had to board Remi at my dog daycare job while my family and I took a trip out of state. When dropping him off, although he was happy to see me again for the first time in months, the moment my sister turned her back to him he began to panic. He got through the boarding all right but my coworkers told me he would cry and wait by the door for me or her. When my sister picked him up, they said he jumped all 80+lbs into her arms.
Since my sister's passing, Remi has been directionless. He's with my family, people he trusts, but he's bored, confused, and heartbroken. My sister would often take him to the dog park, social events, on runs, etc. but my parent's can't do that in their age. If my apartment allowed large dogs, I would take him, but I can't, and I see him maybe twice a month if possible.
Ramsey's Christmas List
I made a christmas list for him of things that might help my parents better take care of him. We're trying different food brands out because he struggles with frequent stomach issues, and we can't seem to figure out what food my sister was feeding him. This list is by no means a necessity for him, but I tried to add things to help with his boredom and keep him stimulated when my parents can't give him all their attention.
i do want to state that my family is capable of providing him with the essentials to live, we arent irresponsible. i would just like to help my parents out since a 3 year old 80-90lb doberman is a lot of work to be suddenly placed on them soley. And I worry for his health and well-being sometimes - Remi has a tendency to eat/tear random objects when he's bored.
please consider donating whatever you can. Everything goes directly to him.
thank you for taking the time to read this, and possibly reblog if possible. ❤️
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m4tthewsgf · 4 months
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Tell me where it hurts so I know where to love you the hardest
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Matt Sturniolo x fem y/n
Based off of this request: could you do a matt hurt/comfort where the readers just struggling (like not showering, not getting out of bed, not eating, no motivation) and that’s really unlike her because she’s typically a very alive person, and it’s just really fluffy idk
Warnings: slight language ig just fluff
Author's Note: this is so short and bad I'm so sorry anon
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I had it all. Or at least that's what people thought of me. Well, it wasn't far from the truth; I was surrounded by beautiful people, I bad great friends, an amazing boyfriend and family, a big house and a nice car. I truly did have it all and usually I wasn't one to complain because I truly felt blessed to have all of those things others wished for, but unfortunately they couldn't fill the emptiness I have been feeling recently in my heart.
If you asked my friends and family about me, they'd tell you that I was an outgoing person who seized every opportunity that landed in her hands. Gratefulness and hopefulness are two things that could easily characterise me. I was not usually one to turn down a nice party on a Saturday night or a trip to the movies with my friends, but if I'm being honest, the past few weeks have been really tough for me and all I wanted to do was just rot in my bed.
I couldn't really tell what is going on with me but my heart was just feeling heavy. There was this sadness inside me I simply couldn't get rid of no matter how hard I tried. And trust me, I had tried everything. Journaling, music, movies, meditating, drawing. None of these helped apart from sleep but even that had become a difficult task for a week.
My boyfriend, Matt, had taken notice in the shift of my mood and had been desperately trying to help me in any way he could think of. His trials obviously didn't go unappreciated by me, but I physically couldn't do it. He had been texting me for days on end, pleading me to allow him to take me out and get me out of the house but I rejected his offers every time. I felt bad. I could tell this was hurting him as well and hurting him was the last thing I wanted to do because Matt really was an angel sent from heaven. He gave me the liberty to breathe and I didn't want to lose him. Ever.
However, I couldn't let him see me like this. I hadn't showered and eaten in what felt an eternity and had slept for an hour or two in 4 days. I was a mess. An embarrassed mess, may I add. I had no reason to be sad. No reason to feel this empty when I had him.
I was supposed to be a lively person, someone joyful and jolly. Why the fuck was I like this?
“Baby?” I heard a familiar male voice from just outside my bedroom door. Matt. Shit.
“Y/n, I've called you 10 times what-“ he opened the door and saw me sitting in my bed with my back pressed against the bed frame, the only source of light coming from the TV on the wall in front of me. He took a deep breath at the sight of my obvious exhausted figure before closing the door and making his way up to me.
“Baby, what's wrong?” he asked as he sat down right next to me from the empty side of the bed. I didn’t look at him. I was too embarrassed to do so.
“Y/n” he said with a warning tone and placed his hand on my chin to turn my head towards him. My gaze was filled with guilt and I was on the verge of tears. He scanned my face for a minute or two without saying a word. The silence became unbearable, so I decided to speak with a breaking voice.
“Why did you come here?”
“Did you expect me to just sit in my house when you have been clearly not doing well for weeks and not answering my calls?” he spat, “I thought something happened to you, y/n!” his face was harsh and there was a hint of disappointment in it that was caused from my question.
“I am sorry,” a few teardrops fell from my eyes. He tilted his head and smiled softly at me. Matt let out a shaky breath before speaking again.
“No, don't. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that, I should be the one apologising,” he cupped my face and wiped away the wetness on my cheeks.
“You have every right to be mad, I haven't been the best girlfriend lately and I understand your frustration,” I voiced truthfully. I didn't lack self awareness. I knew that this whole situation wasn't only exhausting me but him as well.
“I won't lie to you, I am frustrated,” he placed a kiss on my forehead, “but only because I'd rather you communicate your feelings with me than leave me guessing. I just want to help, baby” I let out a deep breath that I didn't even know I had.
His face was so angelic. His blue eyes piercing through mine, his lips forming a sad grin and his cheekbones even more prominent. The warmth of his fingers that were caressing my skin traveled to my heart, lighting up a small fire in the beating organ that has been drenching in cold for days.
“I love you, you know that right?” he asked me as his gaze jumped from one of my eyes to another. I nodded my head but he needed my words.
“No, I want to hear you say it.”
“I know you love me, Matt” my voice broke once more, a sound that made Matt’s eyebrows furrow.
“Then why won't you talk to me? I only want to help you, dear, but I can't do that if you don't tell me what hurts” he reasoned. More tears threatened to leave my eyes as he spoke.
“Tell me where it hurts so I know where to love you the hardest, y/n. And don't tell me it's nothing, I can tell you haven't been sleeping or eating properly” Matt added and pointed at my figure. It was the truth; I had lost a couple pounds and my dark circles were more vivid than ever. My internal struggles took a toll on my physical wellbeing as well.
“I don't know what it is Matt I just-“ I began to cry.
“Oh my love, c’mere,” he wrapped his arms around me and I hid my face into the crook of his neck, “I'm right here baby, you're not alone. I got you, I promise I'm not going to let you go through this alone” he whispered against my hair as he stroked it gently. He rocked us back and forth while letting words of encouragement and reassurance fall from his lips until my sobbing ceased.
“I am so tired,” I mumbled against his skin, “my heart- it feels heavy and I don't know why I am just so sad Matt, I don't know what to do” I weeped, the amount of my tears creating a small paddle on his white shirt.
“It's okay baby, everything will be okay. I'll make it okay, hm?” he hummed while his hand started rubbing my back.
“I am sorry for not talking to you about it I was just scared you were going to leave me or be disappointed in me because I'm not supposed to feel this way and-“
“Hey,” he pulled away, “you are human. Humans have feelings, a smart girl like you should know that” he chuckled and booped my nose playfully with his finger, earning a giggle from me.
“You shouldn't feel obligated to feel any certain type of way. Sadness is okay. Anger is okay. Your feelings are okay and valid even if you don't know what caused them,” Matt grabbed my hand and interlocked our fingers, “I am not disappointed or angry at you for feeling, y/n. And most certainly, I'm not going to leave you because of it” the boy laughed at my silly, unreasonable worries.
“But I'm supposed to love life and be happy all the time and cheerful and-“
“No, love. You're not supposed to be anything,” he shook his head, “you're supposed to be you. And you is a person who experiences not only positive emotions but negative ones as well. And that's more than okay and you shouldn't feel the need to hide either of them, not from me at least” he whispered with a loving smile.
I just looked at him in awe. His words felt like daggers not because they were hurtful but because they were exactly what I needed to hear. His honeyed voice touching all of my broken pieces, his gentle touch stitching up my wounds and his tender grin making me regain a sense of my spark after a while. What would I do without him?
“I love you” I simply stated and placed my arms around his neck, my body collapsing harshly into his. I felt his own hands coming up to my waist and holding me against him tightly.
“I love you too, baby, but I need you to promise me you'll talk to me next time you feel like this. You got me so worried honey, you don't even understand.”
“I am sorry I didn’t mean to worry you,” I brought my face in front of his and smiled genuinely at him, “I promise I'll reach out next time.”
“Thank you for talking to me about it,” Matt said before placing his lips on mine, the kiss a mixture of love and worry.
“Now, you sit here like the pretty girl you are while I run us a warm bath. I will order us food and we can watch any movie you want, mkay?” he cooed after pulling away and pressing his forehead against mine.
“Even the notebook?” I beamed. He hated the notebook.
“Even the notebook” he chuckled and rolled his eyes at me, “and I'm not leaving. I'm staying for as long as you need, until I make sure you're actually okay” he reassured me. I smiled fondly at him and kissed him one more time.
Matt ended up staying with me for the rest of the week even though I felt better the next morning. His presence brought me so much comfort just like a teddy bear does to a little child. He made sure I ate well and took care of my hygiene. He even read me books to help me fall asleep on his chest, knowing that his voice was equivalent to the most beautiful harmony in my ears and worked just like a lullaby to me.
Since I couldn't pinpoint what hurt me so badly, he loved every part of me. He always did, but he ensured to love me extra hard on the days when I was in pain. One could say that he even babied me and I couldn't care less. His thoughtfulness and caring side only made me fall even harder for him.
Matt taught me that I should feel my feelings and not cover them up like they are just some damps on a wall you could easily paint over. He taught me that it's okay not to be okay and be vulnerable. It didn't matter if I came from a wealthy family or not, if I was short or tall, chubby or skinny, introverted or extroverted. I was human.
And as a human, I was allowed to feel. I was supposed to feel every humane emotion there is. Anger, sadness, frustration, disgust, fear... I was supposed to feel it all. And Matt made sure to be my safe place, the lighthouse in the dark sea, to do just that. He was my comfort. He was my home.
"Baby?" I mumbled and felt my eyes getting heavy. We were laying on my bed, our faces inches away from each other's.
"Yes, sweetheart?" he pressed a kiss on my cheek.
"You're my safety" I voiced as loud as I could before drifting away into sleep with a silly smile on my face. Matt's heart fluttered against his chest, his cheeks turning crimson.
"Always, darling. I love you more than anything" he whispered and pulled me closer to him, his lips placing delicate kisses all over my features whilst grinning stupidly against my soft skin.
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annabelle--cane · 4 months
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Hey so I'm not good at subtext and I saw you posting about ep 200 of TMA being awesome. I've listened to it a few times and I'm mostly...confused? I don't understand what happened
(I mean, I get what Martin did to Jon, but nothing other than that)
Would you mind explaining why it's impactful to you?
honestly the main standout thing that makes it really shine to me is the soundscaping and vocal editing, and I've seen people take that as an indirect snide comment about the writing before but it really isn't, the entire scene in the panopticon just sounds gorgeous. the distortion and static on jon's voice, the underscoring of the statement, the way jon and martin's dialogue pops out from the sounds of the crumbling tower, it's just. aaaaaaaaaa. I find it really pleasant to listen to, if you've only listened through speakers then I'd 100% recommend trying it with headphones, it is simply very pretty and well made.
from the story side, it's beat after beat of ultimate catharsis for threads and arcs that have been set up for the whole show.
jon going ham and just really brutally killing jonah with his own hands, no supernatural influence, finally fulling snapping and, it sounds like, gutting him like a fish. it's just about the most lively and impassioned we've heard him all season, and, as far as anyone could deserve to do such a thing, he really is the person who deserved to get to do it.
jon and martin both betraying each other and making the choices that the whole story has been leading them to. jon has spent years fighting against his internalized idea that he can't trust anyone and he's the only person who's powerful/expendable/knowledgeable enough to make decisions and solve problems, and at last he submits to it and takes matters into his own hands. martin has spent years operating under the assumption that he's unimportant and incapable, and now just as he finally accepts that his choices have meaning, he sets the plan in motion that ends up getting them both killed. and jon has tried so hard to be transparent and show him trust that he underestimates just how willing jon is to go behind his back and disregard the plan completely.
and the fuckign. web lighter. I have a longstanding obsession with the mechanics of fate in tragedy narratives, and this lighter. hhh. so, fate (the web) was guiding jon & co to release the fears, but to jon's knowledge, killing jonah and becoming the pupil should have been his winning move to keep them contained. as far as he was capable of comprehending, he made all the right choices, but fate (the web) (the oppressive forces that govern all of our lives) doesn't play fair, it planned for this and cheated him. because he couldn't remember the lighter. he couldn't remember that he already gave georgie the catalyst for the explosion.
this tells me a few things: the ultimate end of releasing the fears was always going to happen, there was nothing jon could have done, but, technically, he could have adhered to the plan and lived to spend what was left of his life with martin and the rest of his nearest and dearest. but that was never really an option, was it? jon archivist sims would never have made that decision, that's why martin tried and failed to plan around it, that's why the web tried and succeeded to plan around it, it would never have happened differently. jon made his choice, it made no difference except to doom himself and the one he loves, he didn't have to do it, and it was inevitable.
and after all of that, after the web cheated him, he could still have won. he could have survived the tower collapse and kept the fears. but one of his biggest stated motives, over and over, is that he can't stand to lose anyone else, and martin is not immune to burning buildings the way he is. in an inverse to gertrude, at the last moment, he chose the barest chance for martin to survive over his own life and principles and big picture goals. he could cope with being responsible for killing the world in the abstract, but when it came to watching the person he loves most die right before his eyes, he caved and came around to martin's perspective. the other worlds can cope, he wants to save the man he loves.
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halemerry · 8 months
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hii first of all, i absolutely love your metas on GO s2! your breakdown of the last few minutes of ep6 was really insightful and i love you for your meta about aziraphale and his role as a protector - it is a very astute look into his character and motivations which not a lot of people acknowledge in their theories/speculation after s2.
more to the point of this ask: this is something i've been mulling over and is the only thing that still doesn't make sense to me in ep6. why is crowley so nonchalant, or at least not noticeably worried, about the metatron showing up to the bookshop (a space he is very protective of) and taking aziraphala away for a talk after aziraphale has already been threatened by micheal? throughout the whole season crowley has been extremely protective over aziraphale and is very much aware of the real danger he is in (re: the book of life). this is also right after crowley has returned from heaven and has learned what the metatron was willing to do to gabriel to ensure 'institutional integrity' and that much bigger plans were afoot. i find it hard to wrap my head around his calm demeanor when the metatron enters the scene and takes aziraphale away, even if it's supposedly for a harmless talk. i wonder if you have any thoughts/speculation about this?
(opps this got too long and rambling). i would love to hear your thought but ofc please don't feel pressured to answer :) love your posts about the season and i look forward to reading more from you. have a lovely day!
Hi!! Thank you so much! This ask has had me by the throat basically since you sent it. It sort of touches on some things I already wanted to write about so forgive me if this spirals a bit.
So in a lot of ways I think this is a question that can have a one word answer. But since I do wanna talk about the way the show gives us this answer I actually want to start with Nina. Specifically I want to start with the thing she tells Crowley as Aziraphale’s off with the Metatron.
“You’re the hard bitten one that can’t trust anyone ever again and Mr. Wherever He Is is the soft one that still believes in magic people being basically good and all that."
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I’ve talked a little bit about this line before in my meta about the build up to the Confession here because I think it’s important to view from the perspective of how it preps Crowley for the following conversation he’s about to have. But, aside from that, I think it's really important because it's wrong. Nina is describing herself here, not Crowley. She’s projecting her own issues onto him and Aziraphale in the way that she perceives herself relating to them. Crowley himself is actually the one that calls out her trust issues for what they are explicitly. 
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Nina doesn’t trust and she sees herself in Crowley far more than Aziraphale both in demeanor and aesthetic so she assumes he doesn’t trust either. But she has it backwards. Because Crowley isn’t hard bitten as much as someone who tries very hard to be perceived as such. And, most importantly in this specific context, Crowley actually trusts quite a bit.
And he nearly always has. Even as far as back as the Starmaker.
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Just look at the way that the Starmaker and Aziraphale both talk about interacting with God. Aziraphale is nervous, anxious and pretty much immediately clocks that what the angel that would become Crowley is saying is going to get him into trouble. But the Starmaker? Even upset about the information he’s been given, he remains confident in the fact that it can’t hurt to ask a few questions. He trusts there to be no consequence for expressing an objection. He trusts that his opinion is valued. Even if he ends up wrong here there’s no inclination at all that he thinks his words will be taken inappropriately. And even the Fall itself doesn’t burn this out of him.
We see him trust Aziraphale, the cherub who was supposed to be guarding Eden from things like him, not to smite him on sight. And trusts him enough to not only have a conversation but express his own worries about his own actions. He then approaches Aziraphale like a friend at the Flood and makes no attempt to censor his horror at what is happening there.
Job is the first time we see Crowley act in a way that implies mistrust between them. This is the first time they’ve met since the Flood which I suspect is contributing to his reluctance to be honest with Aziraphale here. They fall into their roles and then very rapidly fall out of them. The fact Azriaphale reaches out to Crowley here is important. As is the moment where Crowley asks Aziraphale if he’s sure. After Aziraphale more or less agrees to be all in something changes. Crowley is surprisingly honest about his view on the world, mostly trusting Aziraphale not to use it against him. He places himself in front of a host of angels, trusting that Aziraphale would not expose him. And then later he’s even more honest, admitting to Aziraphale he’s lonely in an attempt to show solidarity.
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The entire Arrangement could not exist without them trusting each other. Crowley’s pushing at Aziraphale’s boundaries is a constant exercise in trusting that Aziraphale will come around eventually - or that he at the very least isn’t about to weaponize the treacherous things Crowley is saying against him. As early as 1601 we see Aziraphale voicing active concern for Crowley's well being. We then see Crowley actively trust Aziraphale with both their safeties in 1941 - whether it’s trusting Azriaphale to save them from the bomb about to drop on them or trusting Aziraphale’s trust in him to not accidentally discorporate him during the bullet catch. They even explicitly talk about their mutual trust in this year during their shades of gray conversation.
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During Armageddon Crowley shows up trusting that Aziraphale will help him fix this and once Aziraphale agrees never once seems to consider the idea that Aziraphale would hide anything from him (even when Aziraphale is actively doing so).
He also critically knows that Aziraphale tried to reach God and got himself discorporated as a consequence. And likely specifically knows that Aziraphale talked to the Metatron and came away from that conversation realizing that Heaven would not help him. It's worth noting whether Crowley knows this bit or not that in this conversation Aziraphale not only explicitly questions the Metatron's authority but also uses the conversation to extract information from the Metatron.
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Aziraphale leaves this conversation with an active lie to the Metatron and attempts to call Crowley to tell him everything he knew. He then continually chooses Crowley over Heaven. They pick their own side and help stop the world from ending.
And then, all season, Aziraphale keeps proving that the trust Crowley has always had in him is well earned. Aziraphale, even more than Crowley himself, brings up ideas of 'us' and 'our side' and 'our car'.
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Aziraphale openly talks negatively of Heaven. Not only does he agree with Crowley's disbelief that Heaven managed to stay in charge sending people like Muriel down, but he even goes a step further, implying that they perhaps never had control over earth in that way.
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He also, most critically, immediately and without hesitation, tries to turn down the Metatron's offer to even have a conversation. Aziraphale, who has also just brought a group of archangels to order, reaffirms his lack of interest in Heaven right then and there in front of Crowley. Right when the Metatron has reaffirmed the threat of the Book of Life is out of play.
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Crowley trusts Aziraphale. He always has. And more than ever lately Aziraphale has given him proof that he doesn't have to worry about where he allegiances lay.
But. It's also worth noting. I don't think Crowley is as chill as he maybe seems like he is. Yes, he's sprawled out and speaking casually here, but to some degree this is a bit of posturing. He's playing it cool and also not encroaching on the control Aziraphale has managed to wrangle on this situation. But he also doesn't just let them wander off either. As soon as they hit the door, Crowley is out of the chair and walking to the front of the shop to watch them leave through the window. He's keeping tabs as they walk away.
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He then banishes Muriel and promptly starts to clean. Now I'm always a little wary to mix Book and Show canon, but I do think his cleaning of the bookshop (as well as him carrying around stacks of books while babysitting Jim) are manifestations of Book!Crowley's tendency to want to stress clean. He's keeping himself busy and gets done too quickly then promptly glances at his watch before throwing himself into the chair with a frustrated noise. He's anxious and stressed the entire time Aziraphale is out of his line of sight.
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In other words, Crowley's not actually as calm as he's presenting himself to be. He's trying to take that nervous energy out in a way that doesn't conflict with giving Aziraphale agency. Because he trusts his angel. And that in part is why it hits him so hard when it all blows up in his face.
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morlao · 4 months
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Secret Admirer
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
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■ friends to lovers
■ Isaac Garcia x fem!reader
Valentine's Day or in other words: that real fun time of the year where boys buy roses for their crush and (since most of them give the roses anonymously) girls try to find out who the rose is from. It was always really funny, especially when it involved one of your friends. Last year Kiley was the lucky one. She was invited on a date, a blind date, and she came home super excited, telling you and your friends that it was a guy from the Football team.
This year you are sure it would be Jackie. You and Skylar have a bet about who would make the first move. He says Cole, you say Alex. Your chances of winning are quite high since you and Kiley are telling Alex for weeks that this would be the perfect opportunity for him.
Jackie herself doesn't seem so sure about getting a rose at all. When you meet up with her in school she and Grace are talking about it. "No Grace, Cole is with Erin, he for sure won't get me a rose!" "Bullshit." "Grace!"
"Oh, come on Jackie," you sigh, joining Grace's side, "I'm pretty sure you'll get at least one rose today." The blush that starts to rise to Jackie's face makes your grin even wider. "And you know that too", you tease her.
Jackie clears her throat, grabs her backpack and stands up. "Okay, time for class, we can talk later" You know exactly that she is just trying to avoid this topic but nevertheless you nod. "Yeah, classes", you murmur with absolutely no motivation.
Slowly you start walking into class. Of course there are already a bunch of roses lying on some of the desks. The girls stand around them and whisper excitedly, while sometimes stealing glances towards the boys. You walk to your place and... Wait, there is a rose on YOUR desk. For a moment you stand there, confused and in disbelief. You have never received a rose before. You also have no idea who might have put it there. Maybe the boy put it on the wrong desk by accident. It for sure isn't meant for you. You would have noticed if someone had a crush on you, wouldn't you? At least if the boy showed it as obvious as Cole and Alex did concering Jackie.
When you are finally able to break free of your paralysis you slowly start walking towards it. Only then do you notice the little note that was attached to it. Your heart starts to race as you see that your name is written on it. It is no accident, the rose is really for you! You take a look around, searching for any suspicious behaviour, but nobody seems to act strange. With your fingers trembling you unfold the paper and stare at the few lines that were written there by computer.
"Y/N, I've been in love with you for quite a while now. I hope you like the rose."
Of course you couldn't wait for the lessons to end. As soon as the bell rings, you storm out of the classroom, nearly bumping into one of your classmates, and run to the cafeteria to meet up with your friends.
"Guys, I got a rose and a note!"
Immediately they all gather around you, almost ripping the note out of your hands as each one of them wants to read it. "Do you have any idea who it could be?" Jackie sounds super excited. "Nope, sadly not. Could be anyone." You try to think about whether someone acted strange around you. Nothing unusual.
"Hey, what are you doing?" Isaac walks up behind you and tries to get a look at the note. Hastily you try to cover it with your hands. Yes, he was one of your closest friends and yes you trusted him with your life but you also knew that he could be a real pain in the ass especially when it came to boys.
The last time you mentioned that Cole was cute he complained so loudly that all the girls were crazy about Cole that the whole cafeteria heard it. You had never felt so embarrassed in your whole life. Also the next week Cole kept walking up to you with his arrogant grin, asking if you would like to come to his place that night. It took several weeks for him to stop.
Quickly you snatch the note away from him. "Nothing, just..." "You got a love letter!" "No that's not..." You sigh as you don't know what else to call it. It is right, it is a love letter. "Okay, yes I got a love letter and I also got a rose. Don't ask who it is, I don't know." Isaac looks at you, his dark eyes sparkeling as he teases you. "Who do you want it to be?"
You feel all your friends' eyes on you. A very good question. Who did you want it to be? A year ago you would have immediately answered Cole. But now... of course you still think that he is very attractive - nobody would deny that - but his behaviour and the rumors about him making out with numerous girls even though he seems to be with Erin, made you change your mind. You wouldn't want to be with someone who plays you like a toy and gives you mixed feelings or even a roller coaster of emotions.
If you were completely honest, lately you catch yourself often thinking about Isaac. Why didn't you notice before how handsome he actually is? Maybe because you knew him practically since kindergarten. He had always been one of your best friends, it would be weird to see him as more. Or wouldn't it?
You blush as you notice that your friends are still staring at you, waiting for your answer. What should you say? Your eyes dart across the room and the first one you see is... "Er... Dylan. Yeah... I think I might have a crush on Dylan."
Isaac's shoulders tense. "Dylan?!" He almost spits out the name, then he rolls his eyes murmuring something about bad taste in men before walking away.
Kiley looks at you, ignoring him completely. "Do you think the note could maybe be from Dylan?" You shrug, as you didn't really care if it was him or not. "That's the worst about it... I have absolutely no idea who it could be."
The following days you all do your best to find out more about your secret admirer but it seems to be impossible. He really did his best to stay anonymous. Isaac still seems to be upset. You don't really get it, because as far as you knew you did nothing to piss him off. Nevertheless he still avoids you during break and sometimes you catch him glaring at you or your friends from across the room.
On top of that you slowly start to regret calling Dylan your crush as Kiley tries her best to be a good friend and gives him little hints in order to find out if he likes you too. All you could do is watch and act like you were excited about it when in reality you couldn't care less.
Almost two weeks have passed and you still have no idea who your secret admirer is. Valentine's Day was over so no more notes and no more roses. What if he disappeared until Valentine's Day next year? You would have to wait the whole goddamn year and that only for another anonymous note? And what if he didn't like you anymore next year? You would probably never find out who it was!
Frustrated you bang your head against the kitchen table. Jackie had invited you to the Walters' house for a girls night. Probably she wants to distract you from racking your brains over who it could be. But as she is just as curious as you, the topic comes up again and again.
"I asked my classmates. Nobody saw who left the rose", you tell her. "Do you think it's someone you know? Maybe someone you're friends with?", Jackie asks. "Why do you think that?" "Well, it was written by computer. Maybe the person feared you would recognize the handwriting." Your eyes widen. Why didn't you think of that?
A quiet laughter makes you turn around. Isaac has entered the room. He grabs a glass of water and grins at you. "Are you still trying to find your secret lover?"
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"Yes, I do and I won't stop until I know who it is." Your voice sounds determined even though you have no idea what else you could do.
"He could have at least left a hint", Jackie sighed, "Why send someone a rose without the intention to maybe go on a date together?" Isaac shrugs. "Maybe it was just a joke."
You glare at him across the table. "Thank you so much for encouraging me, idiot!" Again he shrugs and walks out of the kitchen again, murmuring just as loudly so you could hear it "Well, if you are into popular Football guys, you should get used to being played."
You don't know what to say. Why is he being such an idiot? Jackie takes your hand, smiling softly. "Hey, forget about him. Maybe he's just stressed." You nod and smile at her even though you don't think that being stressed gives him the right to let it out on others.
A few days later as you walk up to your locker with Jackie you see another note stuck there. Again it had your name written on it. Jackie squeaks excitedly as you take it and unfold it.
"Meet me at 8 on the Football field."
Your heart skips a beat. He wants to meet you! That is your chance of finding out who it is. But as you continue to think about it, also a feeling of nervousness starts to appear. Do you really want to know who it is? What if it is someone you don't like or aren't attracted to? Maybe it would be better not to destroy the illusion of your secret admirer.
Jacky looks at you in disbelief as you tell her your doubt. "No way, you're going!" Her voice allows no contradiction. "You were trying to find out who it is for weeks and now you don't want to take this opportunity? You go there, otherwise I'll drag you there! Your choice."
Okay, sounds like you had no other option. You will go there.
You can't wait for your classes to end. Your eyes are fixed upon the clock and you tap your foot nervously. When finally the bell rings, you are upon the first to storm out of the classroom.
Your friends are there to comfort you during waiting for it to finally be 8 o'clock. Grace lists tons and tons of names who she thinks it is, not noticing that she makes you even more nervous by doing so.
At 7:55 you stand up, gather all your courage and make your way to the football field. It's already getting dark and nobody's there. You stand there waiting, your eyes darting around in search of someone.
Times goes by, it's 8:05 then 8:10, 8:15. Your nervousness fades and instead you start to doubt. Are you maybe really getting fooled? What if it was really just a joke? You are just thinking about leaving when you finally notice a figure walking towards you. Your heart starts racing and as he comes closer you finally see who it is. You stand there in disbelief. "Isaac?!"
The boy smiles shyly at you. "Hi, Y/N." "You... are you... no that's not possible!" You don't know what to say. It seems like all the words had just disappeared from inside your head. Was this a joke? Isaac rubs the back of his neck nervously. He can barely look you in the eye. "Are you disappointed that it's me?"
You had never seen him this shy or nervous before. He always seemed so... relaxed and cool with everything. It had to be a joke, it had to be a joke! Every second that you remain silent is pure torture for the poor boy standing in front of you. He clearly seems to take your silence as a "yes". "I know I'm not the hot and charming Cole Walter or fucking Dylan!" His voice cracks and he tries desperately not to show how hurt he is.
You finally manage to get out more than just a stutter. "It was you? The rose was from you? This is not a joke?" Isaac looks at you, torn between sadness and confusion. "Why should this be a joke?" Your face burns with embarrassment. "You're one of my best friends... I never thought that you'd have feelings for me."
Isaac lowers his head and his dark hair falls into his eyes, covering them almost completely. "You're amazing, you're smart, beautiful and the best friend someone could wish for. How could I not fall in love with you?"
Would it feel weird to kiss him since you had known him for so long? You had thought about it before, never seriously though, he was only a friend after all. But now... the thought of it doesn't sound as weird as you thought it would. Slowly you walk towards him. "Why did you never tell me?"
Isaac bites his lip. "I wanted to, I really did, but then you stood there in front of me and I panicked. Also I didn't want to ruin our friendship."
With a small smile you grab his hand and he looks at you, clearly surprised. "I want to tell you a secret", you whisper and lean towards him, your heart racing in your chest. Just before his lips touch yours you confess: "I lied when I told you I hoped it was Dylan. Actually I hoped that it was you."
You can see from the look on his face that he didn't expect that. "Really?" "Really." A huge smile crosses his lips. He cups your face with his hands and pulls you towards him, smashing his lips onto yours. His kiss is passionate and warm, sending a tingling sensation through your body.
As you pull away from each other he looks at you with the brightest smile possible. "If I had known that, I would have confessed years ago!" You roll your eyes laughing and pull him in for another kiss.
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
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travelersspark · 7 months
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IM BACK! 🌟
Literally when on break since I've been busy with college and work😅. Now I can get back into the swing of things ! Since I'm here , might as well make a new headcanons post ~♡
𝑷𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝑻𝑳𝑲 .ᐟ 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒎 𝒎𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒔 𝑮𝑵.ᐟ𝑯𝒖𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔
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𝑶𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒖𝒔
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First off. Cayde had a meeting with you at your local job. You and Cayde were close since he practically raised you along with Tessa . You were running late and Cayde was inside Optimus. Optimus had heard about you but never thought much about it.
He'd ask about you to Cayde and Cayde talked fondly of you so Optimus could sort of trust you. So could Cayde. Hence why he was gonna finally explain to you whats been going on for the past year.
Of course you are insanely confused when you get in the truck and Cayde starts being cryptic saying. “ Y/N. You know you can trust me right ? I would always tell you if somethings up.. ” -Cayde
You are dumbfounded at first while the silent drive fills the cabin with awkwardness. Then it hit you. “ Have you been looking for girls on tinder Cayde?! God I swear - ” - Y/N.
Facepalm from Cayde. Optimus almost laughed in his alt form but Cayde coughs before having to disprove your idiotic suspicion. He basically rushes an explanation of the autobots and decepticons and everything that has happened for the past year since you haven't really seen him.
Annnnnnnnndddd. Your not buying it. After the drive he tries explaining more but you brush it off basically just tired from work and chalking up his excuses to him being tired and or drunk.
Well.. until you see a group of vehicles strolling around and stopping with their headlights nearly blinding you (Kind of like the introduction the team from TF1) and with some loud noises and rumbling. You see them. Giant robots standing among you.
You Fucking FREAK. Definitely bout to be ready to throw some shit. Like WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK CAYDE ! Cayde has to mostly calm you down as well as Optimus surprisingly trying as well explaining that they would never hurt you.
After a couple of minutes of losing your shit. Optimus introduced himself explain his motives and his following. Your still apprehensive but sort of star struck. Ootimus's voice and tone was totally different than his remorseful and sort of stern tone. It even surprised Cayde.
Optimus certainly finds you intriguing due to the stories Cayde told him Since you now know of thier existence they have to basically become your body guards in a sense. You don't mind it but you still have your worries. Mostly about the part with the decepticons.
He reassures that he would do anything to try and keep you and the other humans safe.
A couple of banter from the crew but with one Stern glance of Optimus they shut it.
You two might have a quite interesting partnership - in a good way.
𝑩𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒃𝒆𝒆
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oh. This mute bot is EXCITED to meet you ! He was the first one to transform and show himself to you after optimus.
Kind of flustered and worried when you lost your cool about seeing them. But after he calms his excitement and lets his leader explain himself.
He flashes his sick moves which makes you smile and laugh a bit. He gladly would do it again to make you smile.
Bee is one of the first bots you considerably found yourself talking to.
When you found out he couldn't speak like the others and communicated through a radio, you though he was quite a special bot.
He's like you in a way. You to pair together so well. Bee thinks of you like his old partner Sam.
Oh. He can get protective of you. Mainly when Crosshairs or Hot Rod get a bit flirtatious or silly around you.
Casually offers a drive after a few hours of meeting which you don't really refuse. You had to admit. He was a dream ride of yours.
Its love at first sight in his eyes. He already finds himself crushing on you from day one. And he hopes that you stick around with him.
𝑪𝒓𝒐𝒔𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒔
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God another Squishy thing?! Let's just say he wasn't amused.
Well until you basically cursed the hell out of Cayde. Now he's impressed
Now he's made it his mission to figure out what makes you tic.
Weirdly he can he either considerate or just a complete jerk. But a loveable one at that.
He finds himself always trying to be flirtatious with you. But when you do it back he gets completely flustered and curses you out (his love language according to drift)
Fights about the miniscule things with you. Like if you eat in his alt form and there's a crumb he's gonna scold you.
Never saw himself being friends with a human but he would definitely enjoy his company with you.
First meeting him he is pretty serious about not wanting you around a bit but it shifts to wanting to hang with you more.
You two are FUCKIN GREMLINS TOGETHER. yall annoy the hell out of optimus and cade at times. God you two are a mess
Starts out as not being protective of you to being ULTRA protective. Mans always worried about you but tries to play it off.
𝑯𝒐𝒕 𝑹𝒐𝒅
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Omg him and Bumblebee fell HARD for you when Cade introduced you to the crew. Literally he couldn't stop gawking at you.
Already trying to one up everyone else with his flirtatious and suave energy.
Placed a bet with bee to see if you'd like him more.
First to offer you rides from work, school or whatever. (He figured you showing up in his alt form would make you popular or cool. And he wasn't wrong either.)
Immediately asks Optimus to assign him as your guardian. Let me tell you, he is smitten by you and in the best way possible.
Says small pet names in french
Arrogant little bastard. Can't take any hints when you need space.
Overall hes just wanting time with you but doesn't exactly understand the idea of patience is a virtue.
𝑯𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅
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Another human huh. Cool, hope they useful type energy.
Hes pretty chill about it to be honest. Definitely hesitant at the idea but understand where Cade is coming from.
Would personally introduce himself to you if you find him a bit intimidated. Secretly he's a big softie and jokes terrible behind closed doors.
Once he finds out you are just as handy as Cade is hes all over you. Don't expect him.to leave you alone with random weapon scraps and ideas he has in his head.
Probably would take you out to test some grenades with him or something.
Pretty protective on first meet. Mostly since he knows he can keep you safe with his experience and skills in war.
If you don't like the sight of anything remotely similar to cigars and smoke. He would actually stop puffing his bullet in front of you out of respect.
Doesn't care much about your habits as long as you don't get your ass in trouble that is.
Not the type to drive you around since he's a big ass military vehicle and that would definitely cause alot of suspicions.
𝑫𝒓𝒊𝒇𝒕
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Not bothered but skeptical of your arrival. Let's just say he isn't too fond of the idea of another human around
Probably would discuss his concerns to cade and optimus about the risks but would be told that it was mostly for the best.
He gives up and pretends you just another one of the bots.
Pretty distant at first since he's still weary of you.
But if you compliment him during training of something and use the right terminology of the kata forms and martial arts he will definitely open up to you.
He appreciates someone who can understand his dedication. As well as someone educated in the sacred arts of Japanese and Chinese traditions.
Offers meditation lessons after some time if you are willing to do so.
Silent but deadly type of protective.
Has fought with crosshairs one time.when he was picking on you.
Very tsundere at first but overall he knows you are a good person and wouldn't mind getting to learn more about you
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mercurytrinemoon · 4 months
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A lil guide to why you're not identifying with your natal chart
I've been thinking of writing this post for a few years now because this is one of the most common issues that people have when studying their charts and I feel like there's a lot of misconception around the topic sooooo I hope I can give you guys some ideas.
BIAS
As simple as that, people often have issues with taking a step back and really thinking about their life in relation to their charts. This is why astrology consultations (as opposed to reports) are often more advised. For most people, the way they are and the way their lives are is "normal", especially when we talk about things that are correlated with upbringing and culture. But also, your everyday life.
Just to give an example, I was once studying zodiacal releasing of my sister and I told her "seems like your peak period lasted from your childhood up to your late teens". She rolled her eyes and said that if that was her peak period then her life's a failure. But let me tell you how her teens went: she was super popular, everyone had a crush on her, one of her tattoos got an award at an international tattoo convention, she was one of the best dancers in her ballet school, she also has a brief history of being a metal singer and kind of by pure chance performed at Poland's Woodstock (now Pol'and'Rock - if you know, you know). I am probably missing something but my point is: she cannot look objectively at her life, for her that's just a normal teenage experience. But also, sometimes people's current aspirations often don't align with their past aspirations so when they look back, most events seem bland to them. And that is the case for a lot of folks.
Everyone has that friend who's always like: "I'm nothing special blehhh" and you just sit there and think of all their talents and accomplishments and just scratch your head. Or that person who always complains about having no money, yet they can live comfortably and can afford most of the things they want. And this goes for everything: talents, personality traits, home life and so on…
Remember, often times it's hard to really take a look at yourself in the mirror. And even if you do, you still see a flipped version of yourself.
MISINFORMATION, SIMPLIFICATION AND STEREOTYPES
I think this is a big one. And especially if your source of knowledge comes from the internet. When you learn about the signs and their characteristics, it's crucial to understand the nuances - and people pretty much always forget about it.
Every sign can have a certain trait: being driven is not exclusive to Aries, being sensual is not exclusive to Taurus, being talkative is not exclusive to Gemini and so on - it's all about the motives and the background of when and how that trait manifests.
For example, sure, one of the negative traits of Taurus is stubborness - because it's an earth sign and it's fixed. But Taurus is more than that, it's not just a one-ingredient sign. No sign is a one-ingredient sign. MOST people will be stubborn in some way: Aries will be stubborn if you won't let them do what they want, Gemini will be stubborn if you try to undermine their ideas and say they're wrong, Cancer will be stubborn about their grievances or about holding on to things tried and trusted and so on…
REMEMBER (and I want this plastered everywhere): no sign has the monopoly for anything. This goes the other way around: just because a Virgo was rude towards you, doesn't mean all Virgos will be rude towards you. NOT ALL *INSERT SIGN*.
Everything has a spectrum and everything has its place. Most Aries Suns are not full of anger and toughness all the time but maybe they love video games and they don't even realize that they're relieving their negative feelings by shooting everyone in Call of Duty? Or their job requires some martian energy, movement and discipline? Or they're very protective over the opressed ones and they're not afraid to fight for them when needed?
(And so yes, you probably do have that trait you claim you don't have in a certain context).
ASPECTS TO THE PLANETS AND OTHER INFLUENCES
"I don't feel like an Aries Sun", says a person with a Saturn square to their Sun, a Mars in Pisces and a Taurus rising. Well, first of all, I can guarantee you that you do act like an Aries in some ways but second of all - if your fiery and bold passionate lil heart is dimmed and harassed by Saturn, your Sun's dispositor is in a dreamy and passive Pisces and your Sun is in the 12th house AND on top of that, that slow Taurus rising is really clashing with cardinal Aries, then yes, this can make sense.
What can block or drastically alter a planet's infuence? Squares and oppositions, a contrasting stellium in another sign or house, sometimes being unaspected or occupying a house that is in aversion to other important points in the chart (so it's inconjunct), especially to the 1st house - you won't "see" your planets if they're in the 2nd, 6th, 8th or 12th house. Alternatively and interestingly, a planet (or more) occupying the 1st house may infuence and distort your view of things where you may not feel or seem to others like a "typical" exponent of your sign. Good example was when people weren't believing Halsey that she's a Scorpio rising - and with a stellium in her 1st house I don't blame them - her persona is influenced by Mercury, Venus and Jupiter, which is a pretty eclectic mixture.
HOUSE PLACEMENTS AND WHAT PLANETS "BELONG" TO
Not every planet talks about you because not every house talks about you. I've done two huge articles on house meanings and you can check them out here: PART 1 & PART 2, but to quickly sum them up:
1st: you 2nd: your posessions 3rd: your siblings/cousins, early education and neighbourhood 4th: your family and parents 5th: your children, sex life and fun activities 6th: your employees, pets and health 7th: your partnerships and open enemies 8th: your shared resources and inheritance 9th: your higher education, beliefs, travel 10th: your career and reputation 11th: your friends and networking 12th: your subconscious, loss, succlusion, sickness
So, as you can see, if you, for example, look at the planets in your 3rd house then they are largely talking about your family members or even neighbours. Have loud Aries Mars in the 3rd house but you're rather introverted and like to be left alone? Well, are your neighbours annoying? Is your neighbourhood a rather loud or even unsafe place? Do you feel a dislike towards your siblings cause they're always obnoxious when you're trying to relax and immerse yourself in your favorite book? Are your siblings sporty? Well, that's your Mars in the 3rd.
Have Jupiter in the 3rd house but you don't travel too much, you were never top of the class and you're shy? BUT how about your siblings, cousins or neighbours? Or maybe your school environment was very preachy or you even attended a catholic school? Look at the bigger picture because, newsflash, even your natal chart doesn't revolve all around you.
TIMING
If we're talking more about circumstances and events, this is a very important point to understand. You're not born with a load of experience and unless you're in your elderly age, you cannot ever say that a certain placement doesn't apply to you. You have Saturn in the 7th? Well maybe you went through that ONE bad breakup/divorce in your life - obviously you're not going through it for the eternity. You have Jupiter in the 7th house yet you struggle in relationships? But then you get into one in your 30s or even 40s and it's with the most jupiterian person in the world and you're happily together for the rest of your lives. You have Sun in the 10th house but you're whining that you're not acknowledged or popular or whatever? Well yeah, you're just being annoying, you know that not everyone can be a teenage superstar influencer or whatever - climbing the social ladder usually takes decades so don't even start with this one.
Nothing is constant. Things require time and that time is often influenced by, you've guessed it, ✨timing techniques✨ lol. So progressions, profections, transits, time lord periods etc. It may be that you won't even live enough to actually experience it. Some gain acclaim after they die, soz.
Other times certain events and traits only apply at certain moments in your life. I've mentioned my sister and her peak period in her teens. Well, she also happen to have Jupiter - her ascendant ruler - in the 3rd house, which may imply that she had the most luck and positive experiences during her school years. Same with other houses, If you have planets in the 7th house they may only be active while you're in a relationship. If you have planets in the 9th they may only activate when you're abroad or during your time in college. If you have planets in the 10th they may only switch on when you're on a high position career-wise. Not every house speaks of moments in life per se, but some do so keep that in mind.
WRONG HOUSE SYSTEM
Some of you stubborn lil kiddos might hate what I'm about to say… but if you're using the default placidus, I do encourage you to ✨open your mind✨ and check out your chart using the whole sign system. It's usually more straightforward and pretty much always more accurate from a constructive point of view.
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iblameashley · 4 months
Text
Regimented Trust
Military | Male | Gay
1,690~ words Content: mostly tame, but please consider the topics to include... trauma, mental health, amputation (leg), solitude, distrust, anxiety, companionship, connections, budding romance.
Captain John Price | Male/GN Reader
!!!SFW!!!
In a support group for military veterans, You and Price navigate the complexities of healing, trust, and camaraderie. As walls slowly crumble and bonds form over the course of many nights and pints, will Price's relentless optimism break through your defences?
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You sat there in the dimly lit room of the support group. The building was more depressing than the reality of your life, a thought you had mused every time you came here. The circle of chairs was a little fuller this week, which was always nice to see, but your focus was less on them, and more towards a certain Captain.
John Price sat there across from you, another soldier, but unusual in that he was the first man higher ranking than a Sergeant. His deep brown eyes had a way of boring deep inside you, stirring something you had worked hard to suppress.
Tonight was a rather quiet night, not many people had wanted to speak up. Some nights were like that.
You scratched at the spot on your prosthetic where your leg used to be. Phantom limb, phantom itch. You always felt it around people.
“We're all here for a reason.” Price gruffly mumbled, likely trying to be the leader he naturally was. “War leaves its marks on all of us... and, for a time, I thought all that mattered was patriotism and duty to serve.”
His voice seemed laced with regret and anger.
You felt a twitch in your mouth as you tried to maintain your composure. It was difficult to be here on most days, but the desire you harboured for Price betrayed the promise you had made; never let anyone back in. Don't trust people.
“Trust takes time.” Price continued.
Was he reading your fucking mind? You couldn't help but wonder as he stared at you. You assumed this was meant for you, specifically.
“...that's okay. But we're here to get better, to be better... whatever that may mean, or whatever path that may take us down.” Spoken like a true leader, but you were still unconvinced.
But as ever, Price's motivational speeches had an effect, and some other men in the group began to share things here and there; a nightmare they had. A fallen comrade. Medical discharge from service, and loved ones abandoning them.
That one hit you hard.
That damn itch!
As the group session ended, Price lingered behind as he always did. He checked up on the men who spoke, reassured them as they went on their way, and helped clean up the room.
You had missed the end of the session, being lost in thought. You just sat on the chair, staring into the nothingness as the clean up crew worked around you.
Price had been watching, and gathering the courage, he finally approached.
“Hey.” Price said in his gravelly, commanding voice. “Seems you've been carrying a heavy load as of late. Care to talk about it one on one?” He asked.
Your eyes flickered to Price with a mix of surprise and distrust. Sure you had spoken a few times, participated just enough to not set off any alarms with the other members – or so you thought.
You sat there in silence long enough for Price to deem this important enough for his attention. He swiftly grabbed a chair from the stack. He set it down at an awkward angle from you before plunking himself into it.
He crossed his arms as he leaned back and stared you down.
“I've seen men crumble under some heavy weight.” I said in a factual, flat tone. “If I can help, I want to.”
You sighed and slumped your shoulders, leaning slightly back in your chair.
“Easy for you to say.” You chide. “Always so composed and proper.”
Price gave an amused smile and deep chuckle. “Just a part of my charm, yeah?” He said in a teasing tone. “But I have to be composed and proper, I'm still actively serving, and I do my men no favours by breaking down when they need me the most.” He explains, shifting his tone to something kinder. Honest.
“I've seen too much.” You replied. Why the hell did your leg still itch so fucking much?
You take a deep breath and exhale slowly. “It's difficult to believe there is anything good left. In me or the military.”
Price leaned a forward slightly and nodded. “Well mate, maybe you just need to look in the right places.” He smiled with a glint in his eyes. “How about we talk a bit more at the pub down the road. A drink won't solve your problems, but might help give you the courage to open up a bit, yeah?” He offered, already beginning to stand.
You resisted the smile that was tugging at your face.
You shook your head and sighed again.
“Gonna make that an order, Captain?” The words had seemed more snarky and less flirty in your head. Shit.
“If that's what it takes, I suppose I could.” Price nodded, his face unreadable. “Come on mate, its a pint with a fellow soldier. My treat.”
“Relentless aren't you?” You chuckled, shaking your head.
Fuck it.
You stood up and grabbed your jacket.
“Age before beauty.” You smirked, gesturing for Price to lead.
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One pint at a pub down the street had turned into two and then three. One night had turned into five, and before you knew it, you were spending more time with Price after support meetings.
You had even braved a few pubs with him on days with no meetings.
Price had managed to loosen your lips and pry a little more information from you during these times, but you still kept your walls up; even if they were faltering.
You were currently running your fingers around the base of your pint, watching the bubbles rise as you got lost in thought again.
“You know,” Price began, snapping you out of your trance. “I never saw my mates as just soldiers. They were... they are family. Brothers and comrades I needed to take care of.” He admitted with a sombre tone.
You couldn't help but look at Price curiously. Why was he saying this now? What was with that remorseful tone?
“I see the same in you.” He confessed before taking a long swig of ale. He sighed and shook his head. “No... its not the same. But you're not just some solider from the support group. We all need someone.” Price cleared his throat.
“Even if its just a mate to share a pint with.” He added quickly.
And another section of the wall buckles.
“Need someone like me?” You said, cocking an eyebrow. “Must be desperate.”
Price laughed deeply at your reply, shaking his head.
“Desperate or not, I've seen some pretty fucked up shit. If I can find someone... people, to care about and keep me grounded, its worth pursing.”
You shifted in your seat, tilting your head to the side as you eyed Price over.
“Pursing, eh? You make me sound like a military operation or objective to complete.”
Price smiled, “Operation: One pint at a time.” He joked.
Price took a drink from his glass, wetting his beard with droplets and foam. You hated to admit it – even if it was only to yourself – but it was a rather adorable sight from such a rugged, gruff man.
“Interesting strategy.” You were trying to keep your voice relaxed and composed, not wanting to give away your amusement and piqued interest. “Hope you have reinforcements.”
Price lets out a playful scoff, waving an arm dismissively. “I don't need any damn reinforcements. I'm an expert at covert infiltration's.” He asserts.
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The night was chilly, the kind that made your breath into wisps of fog in the night air. It chilled you to the bone as you stood outside sucking on a cigarette. Price had declined a cigarette from you when he realized he had left his cigars at home, but stood with you for company.
Price, ever the tenacious man, decided to push the boundaries a little further this night. He moved in closer to you and draped an arm over your shoulder, a gesture that seemed meant to comfort and protect.
You did nothing; admittedly shocked by the sudden token of kindness. Your muscles twitched and tensed, and you still had the urge to run like a bat out of hell, but there was a part of you that simply enjoyed the feeling of his arm around you. You eventually relaxed.
“You know, leaning on someone doesn't make you weak.” Price remarked.
Ignoring what he was trying to say, you smirked and inhaled more nicotine. “Sounds like an excuse to lean on me.” You shake your head mockingly, exhaling smoke.
Price let out an exaggerated sigh. “I'm just saying it takes strength to let people in. Its not healthy for people to bottle it all up.” he continued, ignoring your commentary.
“Taking a lot of strength to hold you up right now.” You enjoyed this banter more than your face let on. You loved it. You hated it. But most importantly... that damn itch was slowly disappearing.
“I'm not used to leaning on anyone.” You confessed. Your eyes stared straight ahead as you spoke. “I don't lean on people.” You dropped the cigarette butt and stomped it out.
Why were you telling him this?
There was something in Price's eyes; an understanding.
He cleared his throat and leaned in a bit.
“Maybe it's time to let people in. Lean on someone.” Somehow you know those weren't the words Price had wanted to say.
His grip on your shoulder tightened ever so slightly.
Despite your best efforts to stop yourself, you still ended up leaning into him.
“Walk you home.” Price said.
Not a question.
You nodded.
“Just don't expect me to invite you in for a coffee.” You replied with a weak smile.
“Understood.” Price nodded.
Price's arm remained wrapped around you as you took the lead and started towards home.
Your heart raced, and your mind was yelling at you to stop. He would leave too, just like the rest did. You were better on your own. You didn't need anyone.
But you wanted someone.
You wanted Price. You wanted him to be different than the rest.
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