#but i had a pretty exhausting day thats why i havent been around much today ajfjgkg | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

killthe-illusionarydreams · 4 years

Text

Chronic Emptiness

Fred x reader

After the war

Summary: Y/N having a depressive episode & Fred trying to help her through it. Basically me living vicariously through her. Soft moment.

Warning: Mentions of depression & plainly feeling like shit

——————

Y/N was exhausted. Not by her job or work, just mentally drained. This sort of thing happened sometimes. One moment she was okay, the next it all came crashing down on her & she’d feel pure hatred for the world she was living in. Fred had gotten used to it by now, he’d be the ever so caring boyfriend & try to help her through it however he could. Exept he really couldnt do much but reassure Y/N that he was there for her.

And of course Y/N appreciated him & all his efforts, she loved Fred more than life itself & everyone knew that. But sometimes she just needed space. Like today.

They were at a bar with George & Angelina and several other mates after their shifts had all ended from their various occupations. George & Fred at their joke shop, Angelia at the Ministry, Y/N at St Mungos.

Y/N never truly felt like she belonged, not growing up at home, not at Hogwarts, & certainly not in St Mungos where she was working as a nurse. Its not that she hated the job, more like it didn’t particularly cause her immediate joy. She just did it. She got on with it & did what she had to.

As her friends were dancing to the music Y/N leant into her boyfriends ear so he’d hear her say “Hey Fred I think I’m gonna head home early today, I’m tired.”

The man looked up at her, as if trying to read her thoughts “D’you want me to come with love?”

Y/N shook her head, declining the offer “No dont worry. I’ll go through the park, I need some fresh air anyway.” Fred nodded & bid her goodbye with a kiss, telling her to stay safe. “I’ll see you at home.”

It was already dark outside, the tall streetlamps being the main source of light for the woman, but she wasnt really paying attention to where she way going, not caring enough to look. Y/N got to the park near the flat where her & Fred lived, deciding to make a pitstop there she sat on one of the wooden benches that overlooked a small river.

Letting out a heavy sigh she put her head into the palms of her hands, it was feeling all too heavy lately. “Dear Merlin I’m so tired.” Mumbling, the woman rolled her head in her hands before sitting back up and gazing at the sky. Oh how beautiful it looked tonight.

Lighting up a cigarette, she put it to her lips & took a long inhale. She was supposed to be quitting smoking, Fred always got on her about continuing the habbit. In all honesty Y/N didnt care enough to stop, at this point she wasnt even sure if she still got the same boost of seratonin from smoking as she used to. But again, it didnt bother her.

“Fuck me why is life so draining?” She asked no one in particular, she knew why it was draining, the abundance of issues with her brain promptly being the answer. She just wished it were easier. Easier to deal with things.

Realistically Y/N had nothing to be unhappy about anymore, there was no war, she had a good life, an amazing boyfriend, a stable job, decent friends. But there was a permanent void in her heart that could never be filled. Ever since she was a child it stayed with her. Maybe her cold & harsh, unloving parents brought it on, or maybe how she didnt let herself feel love & would distance herself from anyone that ever got close to her. But it was there. Unmovable.

The woman let the smoke out from her mouth, sighing at why she was having another one of her episodes, feeling shitty about having said episode. Yet, there was nothing she could do to stop it from occuring. “Fuck off brain.” She mumbled to herself, cursing her biology & upbringing “Stop feeling so Shit.”

“I keep you alive you ungrateful idiot.” She huffed to herself “And I’m doing a pretty good job, so stop making me feel like its my fault.” It wasnt her fault. If it were, Y/N would know how to fix it & evidently stop feeing this way.

Some would say the war brought this Y/N on, but people knew that she was like this way before. However, before she was better at hiding it. Better at hiding the dark circles, the restlessness, the ‘I dont care what happens to me’ attitude. In all honesty it didnt bother Y/N that people knew she was like this, she didnt do it on purpose. And when she could- she’d be happy- the life of the party, in those instances she could hide her feelings. But sometimes they just got too overwhelming to bare.

“You’re being such a selfish prick.” She sighed and puffed on yet another cigarette “Go home Y/N. Go to the man who loves you.” Yet she made no motion to move. It’d probably been two hours since she left the bar, she wasnt keeping track of time, not feeling the need to.

Sometimes she thought that Fred didnt love her, not because he said something or did something, but because she thought that Fred puts up with her. Which wasn’t true, the man loved her to death, she made him feel alive. Y/N was a risk taker, an adventurer, someone that kept you on your toes- & he admired that about her. Y/N was smart & funny & the most gorgeous person Fred had ever seen, but he knew that behind her sarcasm & faux narcissistic comments, she didnt believe it. Oh what he’d give for the woman to see herself through his eyes.

A few more minutes passed & the woman got up with a sigh, throwing the butt of her cigarette down, she made her way home.

The door creaked open, a little too loudly for Y/N’s taste, she winced at the sound, hoping it wouldnt wake Fred.

“Where were you?” The light flicked on. Before her stood a dischevelled Fred, arms crossed “I got home and you werent here.”

“I was in the park.” She mumbled, taking her coat off “Lost track of time, sorry.”

Fred looked at the woman before him, he noticed the dark circles that she tried to cover prefousley with makeup, noticed the ash on her jacket and faint aroma of smoke mixed with sadness.

“Its fine.” He reassured her and went to hug her, pretending to not notice her cold body & how she stiffened when he touched her “Just let me know next time alright?”

The woman hummed in agreement and walked into the living room, as she sat on the couch she put the tv on to play some sort of muggle program but not really paying attention to it. She just didnt fancy Fred interrogating her about her feelings. She hated talking about them, normally just botteling them up. Maybe that was the cause of her unhappiness.

A few moments went by & she thought Fred had went to bed, but then she felt the couch sink next to her. “Here” he placed a blanket around her & handed her a hot mug of tea “You’re freezing.” Mumbling a thanks she sipped on her drink, not really feeling like talking she waited for him to say something, anything.

And he did “Is it getting bad again?” Oh. Was it? Probably. Most definitely.

“I’m fine.” She lied “I’ll be fine.” Y/N wasnt convincing anyone.

Fred watched her, not knowing what to say or do. He wished he could help, just magically cheer up the love of his life. But thats not how life worked. “You’re good enough.” He blurted out “You deserve to feel happy.”

Y/N didnt look up at him, she knew Fred was trying to help. But was he? I dont know.

“Do I though, do I really?” She finally asked with a sigh, those seemed to be coming from her a lot lately “Because I know I do, I just dont feel it coming to me and its so draining to get on with life when you feel worthless.”

Fred took in what she just said, pausing before trying to come up with a reasonable response “I know.” He sighed “I want to help you Y/N, what can I do?” What could he do though? Realistically?

“I dont know. Nothing. This’ll pass soon enough and I’ll be okay.”

Fred knew that, Y/N was always ‘okay’ or ‘fine’ or ‘just tired’ “But I want you to be better than okay. I want you to be happy, to enjoy life and all its moments.”

Y/N scoffed “And you think I dont want that?” There was a tense silence

“Why dont we take the day off tomorrow and go out somewhere? We havent done that in a while.” Fred suggested. It was true, with both of them being bombarded by work they hardly saw eachother in the last few months.

“Sure.” Y/N smiled sickly and set her tea down “Yeah alright I’ll just sack my job off to have a fun little date with you eh? Why not risk getting fired just because I’m feeling a little moody huh?”

Fred was taken aback by her words and immediately went back on what he said “If you dont want to thats fine I-“

“Im sorry” she cut him off “I’m sorry, that was a dick move I didnt mean it, just everythings gotten so much-“ she put her feet up on the couch to hug them “Im sorry.” A few stray tears fell onto her knees

Fred moved closer to her “Hey, its okay, its okay dont worry. I understand.” Oh sweet understanding Fred, Fred who gave you unconditional love and support. Fred who you keep snapping at.

Moments pass as he embraces you, your body leaning against his heavily. Not sure whether its the exhaustion or something else “I dont deserve you.” You mumble into his chest. He frowns cups your face in his hands, you lean in to his warm touch.

“Dont say that” you let out a quiet sob “Y/N you deserve the absolute world, and I wish I could give it to you & more. If I could take away your pain, I would. In an instant I would. You dont deserve to feel like this, to think like this. But I’m here for you okay. I love you, so fucking much you don’t understand.” He gazed into her eyes, wishing she could feel how much he meant it “You’re the best thing that happened to me & I’m going to prove it to you, whatever it takes Y/N.” He kissed your nose before letting you hug him tighter, relieved that you no longer shrunk away from his touch “Words cant express how much I love you.”

After a few more tears fall, Y/N laughs into his chest “Good because you’re stuck with me.”

Fred grins to himself “I wouldnt have it any other way.”

71 notes · View notes

bedbellyandbeyond · 5 years

Photo

Sickness

(Story Post)

A morning came one day where Nathan just couldn’t get out of bed. He called his doctor hoping he’d come for a house call and thankfully Reid had a little bit of time. When he arrived at Nathan’s home, he let himself in with the key Nathan had told him was under his flower pot. He headed upstairs to find his favourite wolf-man curled up in a cocoon again. “Oh dear, what’s the matter today?” Reid asked. “You can’t get out of bed?” Nathan rolled over to face him and frowned. “They’re moving…”

Reid blinked, his eyes lighting up. “Really? Well, that’s a very good sign, Nathan.” “I hate it… They’re making me nauseous,” Nathan said. “I don’t know what to do… I think I’ll puke if I get up…” Reid sighed sympathetically. “Unfortunately, getting up is the most common cure. When you lie down, babies love to go nuts in there, but when you stand, they typically calm down.” “If I stand, I’ll puke.” “You probably won’t but I can get you a trash can or something,” Reid said. “Is there one in your bathroom?” “Should be…” Reid went and got the bin and brought it back. “Take this and get yourself up. Come on.” Nathan wrapped the blankets around himself and tucked it so it wouldn’t come off then took the trash can in one hand and let Reid pull him up with his other hand. When he was upright, he did still feel queasy, but the twins settled down after a few seconds alongside the nausea. “I’m not gonna puke,” Nathan said. “Aye. So is that all I drove out here for?” Reid asked. “Well… No…” Nathan said, looking down. “There’s something else…” “And what’s that, laddie?” Reid asked, patting Nathan’s arm. “I… Um, it’s really embarrassing…” Nathan said. “I guess, it’s uh… Ah, fuck it…” He undid the blanket, displaying the two big wet marks in his pyjama shirt. Reid put his hands on his hips. “Well, well. Your milks come in.” “But why?” Nathan asked. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’re pregnant.” “But I don’t have tits!” Nathan said. “You don’t need prominent breasts to start lactating, just the right plumbing which everyone has—unless removed—and the right hormone cocktail,” Reid explained. “This was to be expected.” “Then why didn’t you tell me this would happen?” “I forgot but also I expected you to consider it before,” Reid said. “But it’s nothing to fret about. Let me take a look.” Nathan sighed and took off his shirt. He looked away as the doctor examined his chest. “They’ve definitely swollen up,” Reid said. “Are they tender?” “Yeah, really sensitive…” Nathan pouted. “Shirts feel uncomfortable rubbing against them. And I don’t know what to do with all the…all the leakage.” “Say no more. You want nursing pads,” Reid said. “There’s different kinds, but overnight ones and braless ones will likely be best.” Nathan rubbed his eye. “I’ve been to baby stores too much now… I really don’t want to go out like this.” “Laddie. Order them online,” Reid said. “It’s early morning. You could potentially have it all delivered by the end of the day. Also, get yourself a big sports bra. That’ll help a lot.” “A bra? I can’t wear a bra!” Nathan complained. “Yes you can. I believe in you. You’re not the only man who’s ever had to wear a bra. I can guarantee that.” “Oh god, how am I supposed to do all this? It’s so embarrassing and I have to do it alone,” Nathan groaned. Reid rubbed his back. “Tell me what’s on your mind. What’s troubling you most about this?” Nathan sighed deeply and sat down. “I just… Everything I expected when it came to me having kids is thrown out the window…” “What were you expecting?” Reid sat down beside him. “Well, first I thought I’d be adopting… And I thought I’d have job security. And I thought I’d be…well, married. At least, I’d have a partner helping me… Signing the papers with me. Decorating the nursery with me. Picking out clothes. But I’ve done everything alone. And I’m pregnant.” Reid rubbed his chin. “Well, have you thought about dating?” Nathan frowned. “Dating? Seriously? Like this?” He motioned to his torso. “You’d be surprised by the people who could be into that,” Reid insisted. Nathan crinkled his nose. “I don’t want to be someone’s fetish. I want someone who wants the normal me. The not fat and leaking me.” He looked down. “God, if I hadn’t…become what I am now… I’d still be with Hugh. I’d still work at my old school. We were even starting to talk about kids… I ruined everything.” “Well, I’m sorry, but I’ve heard your transformation story many times and it has always sounded like it was Hugh’s fault you were bit in the first place,” Reid said. “He took you off the path. He found the wolf cub. He chose to leave you when you needed him most.” “I tore his leg off!” Nathan growled. “I’d leave any man who tore my leg off too!” “He wouldn’t have had his leg torn off if he didn’t get you bit,” Reid stated. “You understand?” Nathan crossed his arms. “Are you pinning this on Hugh to try and make me feel better? Because it’s not working.” He gagged a little as he felt a movement in his stomach again so he stood up. “God, I want this to end…” “It’ll be over soon,” Reid said. “Rest for today.” “I can't…” Nathan rubbed his eyes. “I’ve missed work way too much… The principal acts nice about it, but I can tell she wants to kill me.” “She doesn’t want to kill you. But you need the rest. I might even say we should start you on bed rest but you’re determined to work.” “I don’t know if you noticed, but children are expensive,” Nathan said. “I can barely afford my own living situation right now. I need to work.” Reid sighed. “After the next wolf cycle, I’m putting you on bed rest. You need it and the twins need it. I can tell just by looking at you, you’re beyond exhausted.” “…Fine. That gives me three weeks,” Nathan huffed. “But that’s still so soon…” “Just keep thinking about how you’ll get to meet your little angels.” Reid placed a hand on the side of Nathan’s stomach. “I think you’ll find it’s all worth it.” Nathan exhaled deeply for a couple seconds then placed his hands on his stomach. In this sitting position, the twins had started acting up again and he could feel them moving. His stomach turned as he felt it, but he just thought about how it was his children and that every little move meant they were alive. While he still felt a little sick from the movement, it warmed his heart a little bit knowing they were safe. “…Doc.” Reid perked up. “Aye?” “I should tell my parents, right?” Reid blinked stared at Nathan. “You haven’t told your parents yet that they’re going to be grandparents?” Nathan shook his head. “…I haven’t talked to them since… Well, since my grandma’s funeral.” “Ah. Fuzzy connection?” Nathan nodded. “Very fuzzy… I came out when I was fifteen and they sent me away to live with my grandma. They thought her ‘traditional ways’ would ‘fix’ me. That backfired pretty quick. My nana was nothing but loving.” He rubbed his belly. “I wish she was here to meet her great grandkids… But I guess, that’s not common anyway…” “Mm… Aye, I wish you coulda been so lucky,” Reid sympathised. “And it’s up to you whether you believe your parents should know and be a part of this journey with you. The last thing you need though is more stress.” “Right…” Nathan sighed and stood back up to relieve the movement. “Can you let Principal Liu know I won’t be coming in today?” “I’ll do that.” Reid checked his watch. “I got to go though. I have an appointment with another patient.” “Alright, go ahead… I’m good I guess,” Nathan decided. “Thanks for coming all the way out here, doc. I guess my issue was pretty dumb…” Reid shook his head. “No, it’s better to be safe than sorry. Do you have any friends or family who can come around and check up on you?” “Um… The only person I can think of would maybe be Nari… But he’d be working, so…” “It might be worth talking to him because it’s always better to have people around if not just for emotional support.” “I guess… But Nari's… Nari can be a little…” “Stubborn and abrasive?” Reid asked. “Yeah, he’s like that. But he means well and I’m sure if he’s paid any attention to you, it means he likes you.” “I mean, I guess… He made us official friends the other day when we, uh…” Nathan scratched the back of his head. “Well, he came over to help with my laundry. Started calling me by my first name.” “Well, then you’re best buds it seems,” Reid chuckled. “Good, it’s important he makes friends too… He avoids it. You know you’re true friends when he carries you over.” “Over what?” Nathan asked. “Over lives. You must’ve heard him talk about his lives,” Reid explained. “Nari creates a new persona every couple decades to avoid people catching on to his immortality. Each new persona is usually accompanied with a big move. His first new persona moved to the UK. Then when she was done, Nari was created and he moved to Canada. What I’d like to see is either an extension in one of his personas, or at least the effort to bring over some people in his life and not just cut everyone off.” “Oh. That seems…” Nathan rubbed his chin. “Dramatic maybe?” “Yes, but you can understand. I only hope to be brought over too… I feel like he should at least consider what APID has to offer him or whoever he’ll be in the long term.” Reid checked his watch again and clenched his teeth. “Christ, I really gotta go, Nathan. But I’ll call in the afternoon, make sure you’re well.” Nathan nodded and pulled a robe on. “…Nursing pads, right?” “Aye. I’ll send you a link to some good ones from the web.” Reid went out to the stairs. “Okay… Bye then.” “Eat something. Bye now.”

#lore #mpreg #Nathan #Reid #werewolf

82 notes · View notes

theycallmemoosey · 5 years

Text

30 Years

Dan x plus size!Reader

A/N: Another fic in two days of my last one? Holy shit that must be a new record. I combined two requests into one (one was a plus size reader and the other was the plot) because I could not think of a plot for the plus size request and I thought that the second request was so goddamn funny that I just had to combine the two. I also just have to mention that I am plus size so this was a story very close to home (I have tried to share a twin sized bed with someone and honest to god was the most uncomfortable thing - especially because I’m so big). Thank you to the two anonymous peeps who sent in the requests. Enjoy!! Moose :)

--------------------------------------

“Do I look ok?” You asked, pulling at your dress as you stared into the mirror of your wardrobe, conscious of the way it stuck to your curves.

“Perfect” Dan said as he walked up to your worried form, wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing your shoulder. He looked up to the mirror and locked eyes with you, smiling, “You always look perfect, Y/N”

You frowned, “This is as far as I go. The dress is crossing the line alone, so there is no way I’m wearing heels. I’m sorry, I’m not. I’m wearing converse”

“Finished?” Dan laughed, letting you go to allow you to get your shoes that were carelessly thrown in a corner of the room, “It will be fine, love. Just a few hours of talking to your family and then we’ll head back to the hotel and crash”

“About that…”

“What? What have you done?” Dan asked, grabbing a jacket draped over the ass chair.

“Well…my mum asked if I wanted to go to lunch with her the next day and…I may or may not have agreed to stay at my parent’s house”

“Y/N!” He whined, beginning to button his jacket up.

“I’m sorry!”

“I just wanted to spend the night with you watching shit TV, eating a shit ton of sweets, chocolate and popcorn and-“

“I know, I know…I’m sorry. I wanted that too! I just…couldn’t tell her no. We can still watch Netflix at my parents’ house together?”

Dan frowned and sighed, “It’s a good thing I love you”

You smiled and kissed him, heading out to grab your bag from the hallway, “If we want to get to the dinner on time, we need to leave in the next 15 minutes. We can pick up lunch on the way”

“Ok. I’ll just go and say bye to Phil and then we’ll get going”

—————————

“I don’t think I can go in” you voice was laced with panic as you sat in the car with Dan, looking straight ahead at the door to the hall where your parents were celebrating their 30th anniversary.

“Why?”

“I don’t feel comfortable. I haven’t seen half the people in there since I was 8. And I have put on quite a bit of weight since then. OK, a lot of weight…”

“And? Why does that matter?”

You looked at Dan, your eyes showing fear and he sighed, “You look absolutely beautiful. So what if you’re not stick thin? I don’t care. And neither should anyone in there”

“One comment about my weight from anyone, and I mean even my Aunt, we’re leaving”

“Understood” Dan chuckled, getting out the car quickly to help you out.

As the two of you walked towards the door, your Aunt had spotted you through the window and rushed to greet you first.

“Y/N!” She screamed, crushing you in the tightest hug you’ve ever had, “It has been so long! My have you grown! Put on a few extra pounds too!”

You looked over to Dan with a knowing and unamused look, scowling as he laughed breathily.

“Thanks” you cleared your throat, trying not to snap at her comment, “How have you been?”

“Fantastic, thank you. I’ve joined the local rock choir”

“That’s-that’s great” you smiled , knowing how badly her voice sounds.

“Now, who’s this you’ve bought along with you today? I’ve not seen you before” she smirked at Dan, making both of you uncomfortable.

“Dan, pleasure to meet you” he offered his hand but she embraced him in a tight hug, his expression matching yours.

“Please, come in, join the party!” She motioned towards the house, dragging Dan by his hand as you stifled a laugh behind him. When the three of you had entered again, your uncle called your aunt over to talk to other members of the family. She groaned and turned back to Dan, squeezing his hand.

“I hope to be seeing more of you, Daniel” she winked before leaving the two of you alone.

“I’m so sorry” you laughed, holding onto his arm as he laughed along with you.

“You see her often?”

“Nope”

“Thank fuck”

You chuckled, watching your aunt make questionable faces towards the two of you, “Come on, let’s go find my mum and dad”

—————————

“I would like to propose a toast” your dad announced as he stood up from his chair, the rest of the room quieting down, “To my wife. I have loved every minute of these 30 years being your husband. We have had the most beautiful daughter, who has clearly inherited all your good looks. All I can wish for is another perfect 30 years with you. To 30 years more!”

“30 years more!” The room repeated, the sound of clinking glasses filling the room. You smiled when your dad leant down to kiss your mum, the two of them smiling lovingly at each other.

“Think that will be us in 30 years?” A voice whispered in your ear, careful that your grandmother was sat right next to you who was more than desperate for you to marry and have children.

You turned your head to look at him, a smug smile on his face, “You’d want that?”

“More than anything”

“Is that a proposal?”

Dan opened his mouth in a speechless shock at his realisation which made you laugh, “I’m kidding”

Dan laughed nervously, leaning back and scratching the back of his neck, “Yeah, yeah I knew that”

“Mmhm, sure you did”

“Ladies and gentlemen” the band’s singer announced, “May everyone come to the dance floor for the lovely couple’s 30th first dance!”

Dan took your hand and led you to the edge of the dance floor, standing behind you with his hand on your waist as the two of you watched your parents lovingly dance together.

“I love you so much” Dan whispered into your ear, kissing behind it quickly and squeezing your waist, “I love you so much that I want to show you off to the world”

“Hmm? What?” You asked, only just focusing on what he was saying rather than watch your parents dance to the band’s slow song.

“Come on, hun” he said, moving around in front of you to drag you to the centre of the floor to meet your parents. You resisted and pulled your hand back, your eyes wide with fear.

“No. No way. I’m not dancing in front of all these people!” You shouted in a hushed tone, not wanting to draw attention to the two of you.

“Is this because you’re insecure?” He asked, wrapping his arms around you and trying to pull you onto the floor.

“Dan, I am not dancing with you when no one else is”

“Your parents are”

“Everyone will see me!”

“That’s the point” he smiled widely, starting to sway with you wrapped in your arms. You started to smile with him, giving into his cheeky attitude.

Dan had finally dragged you to the centre, smiling when you wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him gently, “Say, you’re pretty good at dancing, Mr.Howell. I’m very impressed”

“Despite what you may think, I have some hidden talents”

You saw the rest of the crowd look at you from the edge of the dance floor and you began to feel trapped. You cleared your throat and looked towards Dan’s feet, creating some distance between the two of you.

“Hey, woah…what are you doing?”

“Nothing” you said, avoiding eye contact with him.

“Stop. Stop feeling like this. You are the most beautiful woman in the room tonight-no-World. I want everyone to look at how beautiful you are and know how god damn lucky I am to call you mine”

“You don’t have to pity me like that, Dan”

“I mean it, Y/N. I don’t deserve to have you, yet here I am with this goddess of a human. Yes, you have a few curves but oh my god does that make me love you more. I have fallen in love with your curves more than I’ve fallen in love with you”

“Oh, charming Daniel” you chuckled, trying to hide your blush.

“I’m kidding. But I hope you know what I mean”

“I do” you smiled, “I love you too”

Dan pulled you in tighter and kissed you, not letting you pull back or move away from him which made the two of you laugh.

“I want to go home” you mumbled in Dan’s ear when he finally let you go.

“As soon as your parents want to go home, we’ll escape”

“I can’t wait to just relax and watch Netflix and eat crap food and-“

“All in good time, just keep dancing”

—————————

“Y/N?” Your mum placed her hands on your shoulders, waking you up from the short nap you were having on your on Dan’s shoulder, “I’m so sorry we kept you so long. We’re going to take off now so we can finally let you in to the house. You remember the way home from here?”

“We have sat nav. We’ll find it” you smiled, still sleepy, Dan placing his hand on yours.

“You two go now, we’re just going to thank the staff and band and we’ll be right behind you”

“We’ll see you in 30” Dan said, helping you up from your chair in your sleepy slumber, “You ok to drive, hun?”

“Find me some sweets and I’ll be good to go”

“I saved some from earlier, they’re in the car”

“This is why I love you”

Dan laughed as he led you towards the car, his fingers laced in yours. The drive was in a comfortable silence, Dan’s hands placed on your thigh, his thumb stroking it gently.

“Got a movie in mind for tonight?” He asked, breaking the silence.

You glanced over towards Dan momentarily, smiling at his childish grin, “What makes you think I want to watch a movie? What if I want to watch Friends?”

“No”

“Oh, come on! I love friends!”

“Yeah, I know. You’ve watched all the series 5 times with me alone, which says it all! I refuse to watch it again”

“Fine. We’ll just watch whatever is trending I guess”

“Don’t be mad”

“I’m not. Just…so tired” you yawned, drumming the steering wheel to keep yourself awake.

“Just a few more minutes” he grabbed your hand and kissed it gently.

The rest of the drive home was simple but you felt yourself falling asleep at the wheel and you couldn’t wait to just go to bed. Dan tried his best to keep you awake, and to some extent he was successful, as you both ended up at your parents house alive. It wasn’t long after that your parents arrived at home, apologising for their late arrival.

“I’m sure you two are exhausted so just head up to your old room, Y/N” your mother pointed up to the stairs, focusing on hanging all the coats on the rack.

“Don’t misbehave now” your dad joked, still slightly tipsy from the large amount of alcohol he had at the party, making you and Dan cringe and laugh in an awkward manner.

“If you need anything, just help yourself. You know where everything is, Y/N”

“Goodnight guys. Get dad in bed safely” your whispered to your mum as you kissed her goodnight.

“Sleep well you two” your mother said as you and Dan carried your bags to your old room.

You sighed as you climbed the stairs, listening to your dad slur out drunk comments to your mum which made her laugh.

“I swear if we’re even half as happy as your parents when we’re old and grey, then we’ve won at life” Dan whispered behind you as you finally reached your old bedroom door.

“I was kinda hoping we’ll be double as happy” you smiled, walking in to the teenage bedroom. The sight made the two of you stop in your tracks and stare open mouthed at your room.

“Oh my-“ you began, stopping when you heard Dan burst into a fit of laughter behind you, “This is far from funny, Daniel”

“It looks like a 12 year olds room!”

“Well they clearly haven’t changed it since I moved out” you sighed, throwing your bag onto the floor in frustration.

“And when did you move out?”

“When I was 18”

“HOLY SHIT!” Dan laughed, backing away from you as you tried to slap his arm.

“I think we have a slightly bigger issue than the atrocity that is this room”

“What?” Dan continued to giggle, wiping away the tears from his eyes. You pointed towards the twin sized bed.

“That. It is, in no way shape or form, going to fit both of us”

“Oh…” Dan finally stopped laughing, “Oh well. Guess you’ll just have to sleep on top of me then”

You deadpanned towards him, “Ok what you said before wasn’t that funny but THAT certainly wasn’t”

“I wasn’t trying to be funny”

“Dan, we both won’t fit. I am too big to sleep either next to you in that bed or on top of you. I will literally crush you. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow to find my boyfriend is dead from suffocation because his fat ass girlfriend cut off his air supply from squashing him to death!”

Dan stared at you sadly for a minute, making you feel awkward as ever.

“Do you really feel that bad about yourself?” He asked after a minute, “You really think of yourself as that fat that you can’t sleep in the same bed as me? You think you’ll suffocate me?”

“I always think that” You said solemnly, looking at the floor.

“Even at home?”

“Even at home”

Dan sighed sadly and stepped forward, carefully taking you into his arms. With his arms wrapped around you, you rested your head on his chest and started to cry quietly.

“How many times do I have to tell you? You’re the most beautiful woman in the world. I would not change any part of you if I could. Every single inch of you is perfect. Never, ever change”

You looked up at him, tears rolling down your cheeks, “You really really think that?”

“Yes, love” he kissed your forehead, “I always have done. From the moment I met you until the moment I die, I will always think that you’re the most beautiful thing on this earth”

“I don’t deserve you. You’re so kind and pretty and-“

“I’m not pretty. I am nothing compared to you”

“You are pretty. With your perfect curls and your perfect eyes and your perfect body”

“I’ll gain all the weight if that would make you feel better”

“Oh god, please don’t. Like, yes, eat pizza with me but keep this” you laughed, motioning towards his body, “I love this”

“And I love this” he motioned towards yours, kissing your hand and making his way up your arm to your lips, “Come on, get changed and let’s watch Friends”

“Really?” You asked excitedly.

“Yes, really” he smiled down at you, grabbing your bag and flinging it on the tiny bed, “Now hurry up and get that beautiful body changed”

“This isn’t going to work” you laughed quietly, once you were changed, as you tried to squeeze into your old bed, aware your mum was trying to get your dad to sleep, “Dan this is literally impossible. I am not going to fit in next to your 7ft fat ass!”

“I’m 6’3, Y/N”

“Still a giant”

You sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling Dan wrap his arm around your torso as you shuffled in next to him. Luckily, both your asses fit next to each other but you had to wrap your legs around each other.

“This is cozy” Dan mumbled into your hair, kissing your head gently.

“Shut up and get your laptop out” you said, trying to get into a comfortable position.

The two of you sat in comfortable silence in a not so comfortable position, watching the six people you had admired since your teenage years with the love of your life. As the night went on, you managed to find a comfortable position with your head on Dan’s chest and your body curled into his. His arm was tightly wrapped around your body, and he kissed your forehead when he noticed that you had fallen asleep. Carefully and slowly, he placed the laptop on the desk next to your bed and shuffled down, trying to not wake you up as he tried to also fall asleep in a comfortable position. Despite the fact that neither of you really fit in the same bed and you both felt beyond uncomfortable, the two of you fell asleep peacefully wrapped in each others arms. When Dan woke up the next morning, he smiled at your beautiful face laying on his chest, your breathing slow and steady. He could only wish that he would wake up like this everyday next to you for the next 30 years.

#dan x reader #dan howell #dan howell imagine #dan howell x reader #danisnotonfire #danisnotinteresting #danandphilgames #danandphil imagine #danandphil #dan and Phil #Phil lester #amazingphil #reader insert #theycallmemoosey

84 notes · View notes

yourhero404 · 5 years

Note

Request: Mina running on a treadmill while connected to a heart monitor as part of a stress test, the stress proving too much for Mina's heart, resulting in a massive heart attack and (s/o) must revive her. Feel free to tweak this to your liking.

A/N: oof, the poor girl is one of the healthiest in the class! But I shall work some magic and provide this for you TuT

MINA

Interning is hard, Mina decided, and she was exhausted. Class was hard enough, now she has to work during her free time? That sucked! She sighed and told herself it was the curse of becoming a hero, she would have to toughen up even more to make sure the lifestyle was bearable. But why was she feeling much weaker today than she had been lately?

“Mina! It’s time to head to the gym!”

Mina groaned and swung her legs as they were dangling over the side of the common room couch. She ignored the voice and threw her arm across her eyes, giving them a long sigh.

“I don’t wanna!” She whined, drawing out her words.

“You know you have to if you want to keep interning. Aizawa wants me to give you the test, anyway, so I’ll go with you.”

“You’re gonna do it?” She sat up quickly, a hopeful smile gracing her lips as she finally locked eyes with (S/o), “Really?”

“Lucky for you, yes I am.”

“Yes!” She cheered, hopping to her feet, “What are you doing just standing there? It’s time to go!”

Mina quickly grabbed onto (S/o)’s hand and dragged them towards the gym. Her mouth was moving several miles an hour while her s/o did nothing but smile and make a sound of affirmation every now and again to show she held their attention. They knew their presence at these tests put their girlfriend at ease, so they didn’t hesitate to spend their extra time with Recovery Girl to learn just how to administer it; After her recent run in with a villain who gave her a pretty rough beat down, (S/o) understood why she was so hesitant on taking these tests- she was afraid of being too weak to continue her work and she didn’t want to tell anyone. (S/o), however, knew her very well and could sense that something was wrong but… they couldn’t put their finger on it.

“Mina, stop moving and let me stick these on you.”

They’d made it to the gym, but Mina was too jittery to let (S/o) do what they need to do. She was bouncing around, telling them all about what happened to her today while she was out, begging them to tell her what their day was like but cutting them off with another side story before they could answer. They didn’t mind, they love listening to her after all, but the sooner she finished the test, the sooner the two of them could go do something fun together- if only she’d sit still!

“Please, sweetheart. Stand still and let me put these on you, then you can take out your energy on the treadmill. Okay?”

“Fiiiine!” She drew out dramatically and smacked her chest, “Stick ‘em on me, baby!”

They shook their head but kept their smile towards her antics as they placed the electrodes on her skin and told her to hop onto the treadmill. (S/o) started her out slow and slowly kicked the speed up, leaning against the front of the machine to talk to her while keeping an eye on the monitor beside them. Something seemed… off about her readings- maybe it was just the fact she had been worn out lately? They poked a few buttons and kept double checking on their girlfriend- she stopped talking now and seemed to grow fairly exhausted and seemed almost… pale. She hunched over slightly as though her torso started to grow painful.

“Mina, are you alright?”

“Fine,” she huffed, “Just… just a little… a little lightheaded.”

“You look like you’re going to faint-”

(S/o)’s head whipped towards the monitor as the machine started blaring noises and the readings on the screen became drastic. Before they knew exactly what happened, their girlfriend had made it off of the machine and collapsed to the floor. Immediately, they moved to check on her- tapping her cheek, feeling her pulse; The machine continued to beep rapidly and (S/o) had held their hand in front of her face and felt no breathing coming from her.

“No,” they muttered, “No no no-”

They yelled out for help, hoping someone, anyone, would hear them. Without sparing a moment, they quickly tapped on the first number on their phone and threw it aside, yelling to whoever picked up on the other end to get help. With one hand over the other, they placed it over her breastbone and started chest compressions, pausing every fifty times to check on her breathing.

“Come on!” They cried, “Wake up!”

The beeping of the monitor took over their mind, rendering their thoughts useless as they mindlessly continued their chest compressions. Their arms were growing tired, but they didn’t stop- they couldn’t stop- not until she opened up those golden eyes to look at them once again.

“Dammit, Ashido!” They only used her last name when they were upset, it felt foreign on their tongue, “You’re one of the healthiest people in this damn class! You can’t have a heart attack like this!” Their compressions grew heavier and irritated, “Wake up! Dammit, wake up!”

They continued yelling even as help arrived and made them move out of the way. The recovery team pulled out the paddles, and though (S/o)’s own chest felt tight at the sight of them, they couldn’t take their eyes off of Mina. One jolt, two jolts, their heart was about to burst out of their chest at the rate it was beating out of fear and pure adrenaline. (S/o) almost fainted themselves the moment Mina’s eyes fluttered open. They were obviously heavy and she struggled to keep them open, but she immediately searched for (S/o) and they ran over immediately.

“Mina? Mina, keep calm, alright?”

She attempted to nod but the paramedic helping her asked her to stay still. (S/o) had to beg Aizawa to allow them access to her after she had been taken to the infirmary and was by her side the moment she fully woke up.

“Hey,” (S/o) cooed softly, running their thumb across her cheekbone, “There you are. Feeling okay? I can call Recovery Girl-”

“’M fine,” she clicked her tongue and attempted to clear her throat, “Ew, my mouth’s gross.”

“That’s the first thing you have to say?”

“I could’ve asked if my gross breath was your fault?”

“Ashido!” they cried, dramatically hunching over a moment, “Do you know what happened?”

“I fell off the treadmill!”

“You had a heart attack. A real, whole, heart attack!”

“That’s not good.”

“No!” their voice grew shrill, “It’s not! You’re sixteen! You shouldn’t be having those!”

“That’s wack-”

“Please take this seriously.”

“Sorry sorry,” she grabbed onto (S/o)’s hand and drew small circles on their knuckles with her thumb, “It must have been something to do with that villain the other day- I haven’t been feeling well since then.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want you to worry,” she sighed when she saw their quirked eyebrow and scowl, “Okay okay… I also just didn’t wanna seem… weak. Like I wasn’t cut out for hero work. I want to be a hero,” her voice grew quiet, “I didn’t want to just quit because I didn’t feel well.”

“Honey,” they leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss against her forehead, “Even heroes feel bad sometimes. They need breaks too. And they certainly see a doctor when they feel bad!” They flicked where they had kissed and ignored her whine. “Next time, you need to tell me.”

“Okay… Okay, I will.”

“I’m not giving you CPR again.”

“So my gross breath really is your fault!”

“Nope, that’s all you. I only did chest compressions.”

“Copping a feel, huh? Pervert.”

“I’m leaving you on the floor next time.”

“(S/o)!!”

66 notes · View notes

doctormage · 5 years

Text

hi i just need to be really dramatic and long winded bc if i dont get it Out im going to fucking explode

ive actually been trying really hard this semester with my thesis and its REALLY fucking difficult for me. my depression makes me catatonic and unable to complete simple tasks or be motivated to do literally anything; my anxiety paralyzes me at the slightest unexpected change and then obsess over whether everyone in my life hates me because of my anxiety; my sleep schedule is constantly fucked and my doctor is unhelpful; my bdd will sidetrack me from my work and responsibilities for literal hours or days, and sometimes if its feeling spicy send me on a full scale fucking breakdown; and my adhd makes all this shit worse on TOP of all the NORMAL adhd shit. like thats just!!! my life!!!! at all times!!!!! and there have been several times where i have genuinely considered leaving this program or not continuing school after bc i was so fucking overwhelmed and exhausted and scared but i didnt!!! like i make a lot of jokes about procrastinating and wasting my time and doing the least and whatever but in reality its really fucking difficult for me even when im medicated!!! but i dont like admitting that bc of all my exhausting childhood baggage and shit but that is not the point of this rant so anyway

this semester i made a specific effort to try and be a better student even tho all of this stuff has been exacerbated by grad school. i felt i owed it to my director and one of my committee members because theyve been so fucking helpful and put their faith in me and took a lot of their time to help me. i wanted to show them i was worthy of it and capable of being a good student who does all the shit she’s supposed to do, does it well, and does it on time. i overloaded my fall semester and nearly lost my goddamn mind JUST to have a lighter class load this semester so i could focus most of my time on my thesis (like for real that was actually incredibly stupid of me. i lost almost 30 pounds from september to december without conscious effort just because i was so fucking stressed. not a brag and actually kind of concerning bc that has LITERALLY never happened to me). it has been like....significantly taxing, but i wanted to show them how much i appreciate their time and effort and help by being responsible and respectful. my Trying Hard is a lot of people’s Barely Doing Their Best and i know that. turning something in 2 hours early is below average for some but for me, literally anything more than 30 minutes before its due is an actual goddamn miracle. but i wanted to work hard and do things right for my committee members because they deserve it

this christmas my parents asked what i wanted and the ONLY thing i asked for was help with my library dues. last year from like march to october i was significantly depressed and entirely out of my head, and i racked up some pretty bad overdue fees. i didnt even ask them to pay all of it, just some of it. less than $100. im really truly grateful for the gifts they DID get me, but i didnt ask for them for any of it, and my overdue fees were left alone. i was under the impression that they got paid and, like a fucking idiot, i didnt check up on it to confirm. ive been so hell deep in my thesis and teaching and grading and applying to phd programs and looking for apartments and shit that it really just slipped my fucking mind!!! crazy!!!!

today i was in crisis bc i thought i fucked up with scheduling my defense/exam/whatever the fuck. im going to call it defense and i dont give a shit bc everyone calls it some other shit and i dont CARE. anyway i really thought i fucked up but i went and talked it out with my director and it was all sorted out. i’ve gotten like 50% of her feedback on my thesis draft, which i’ve incorporated, and im waiting on comments from another reader (the other helpful person on my committee). we have to run some dumbass software before scheduling, so i ran it today and tried to schedule it but couldnt bc theres a hold on my account. i went on a fucking....ALMIGHTY QUEST to figure it out and i finally discovered that guess what!!!!!!! its my GODDAMN LIBRARY OVERDUE FEES!!!!!! THAT I THOUGHT WERE PAID!!!!!!! i had to pay them myself which is fine idc but it takes several days to process. this fucks up my life on SEVERAL levels

for one, its fucking impossible to get a hold of my third committee member. she is a vapor in the wind. shes like super busy and thats all good and well but the point is theres like zero communication there. i finally got confirmation on a defense date from all 3 members and had been literally planning MY ENTIRE LIFE around this date. after todays first scheduling crisis i was so happy i was still on track, but now this? now i have to wait 3-4 days before i can even SCHEDULE the defense. the super delightful part is that we have to schedule a minimum of 2 weeks in advance. so now i cant schedule my defense until tuesday at the absolute earliest, but that ALSO bumps my defense date several days ahead. i have no fucking clue if my committee is going to agree on another day that works for everyone bc theyre all busy as shit and we’d been working toward the original date for weeks if not months, and im so fucking upset because this is exactly what i DIDNT want to have happen. i havent tried to email them yet because im hoping beyond fucking hope i can call somebody at the university tomorrow and see if the hold is something else besides the fee, but it makes me sick to think of having to be like “oh sorry i know i constantly fuck up everything ever and im a piece of shit but can we change this date we’ve had set since january because i was an extra shitty piece of shit this time??” like OHHH MY GODDDDD

and the thing thats really fucking with me is that like, yes its my fault but this one time its not ENTIRELY 100% my fault. i asked for a favor and had the understanding that it was taken care of. yes the fees were my doing and yes i shouldve checked but oh my fucking god. i feel like all the effort ive put into being a better student this semester has been for fucking nothing because im going to have to email my committee asking for a different date and ruin all their fucking lives and theyll be so disappointed in me. i have like legitimately been crying on and off about it since like 4:30 today

it so shitty in and of itself but i especially dont want to do this to my director bc she is legitimately the reason im finishing this program AND that im going to a phd program. a year ago i’d barely spoken 20 words to her but she still agreed to be a reader on my committee just because she heard me explain my thesis for all of 30 seconds and decided to give it a try. she literally had not read a song of ice and fire at the time and she started reading them for me to help me with my thesis. in the fall when my original director basically threatened to leave my committee if i didnt change all my ideas, my current director stepped in and helped me and talked me through it and then offered to take her place even though my research is BARELY distantly related to hers. through all of this she’s been so insanely patient with me, super encouraging of my ideas both in this project and in others, helped me decide whether it was right for me to get my phd immediately after my masters, proofed and edited and helped me with ALL my phd application materials, and STILL is in the process of reading these goddamn books just to be a better director. i have lost my head so many times and shes always been there to help me figure my shit out, and i wanted to have it figured out for once. how stupid of me

like bumping the date isnt the end of the whole world but its really not just about the fact that i have to reschedule. i was trying real goddamn hard to be a better student this semester and i REALLY fucking owed it to my director and other reader, but especially director, and i still managed to fuck up this bad. i feel like such a DISAPPOINTMENT and it just will not leave my brain bc im so mad at myself. i tried watching shows and youtube compilations about game of thrones and shit but now my bf is asleep and im alone and its all i can think about. im so fucking tired of being the person i am honestly and i dont mean that in an edgy way its just like jesus christ i wish there was less shit wrong with me. i wish i had any kind of willpower or discipline so i couldve learned these skills and been a better student from the start. i wish i wasnt a giant piece of shit!!!!!

and now im going to be up late being anxious about all this which means that i will, once again, wake up late but also still be really exhausted, which means i’ll do a shitty job teaching and get overwhelmed by everything and who the fuck knows what fun bullshittery will ensue because of it. i am so fucking tired of me and my fuckery and the fact that it fucks with other people even why i try so hard for it not to. tired!!!!!!!! fucking tired

#p #this is literally like an essay #on why im a piece of shit lmao #ignore me!!!!!!

5 notes · View notes

mentalmimosa · 5 years

Text

long night in the castle of lions

Sometimes, the nights in the castle are long. Long and filled with a sort of infinite quiet, the sound of universe at rest that presses in from all sides. No noise from inside the ship can compete with it, that silence, not Lance’s snores or the singsong Hunk uses to talk himself into sleep: It’s ok. It’s all right. Everything is gonna be fine.

It isn’t. Keith’s pretty sure of that. Lions or legendary whatever notwithstanding, it feels like they’re pretty much screwed.

Galactic evil? Weapons that can blow away worlds? What kind of chance do they have against any of that?

Not good. Not fucking good.

He can hide those thoughts during the day, when they’re out and about saving the innocent and protecting what’s good, what seems right. But at night, when he has only the shadows and his own head for company, those thoughts drown him out, pull him knee deep into despair.

He doesn’t sleep much in the castle. He envies everybody who can: Pidge, who can curl into any corner and be asleep in ten ticks. Allura and Coran, who slept here for 10,000 years, for gods’ sake. And Shiro, their great and glorious leader, who strolls into the lounge for breakfast every morning looking like he’s just had a strong, solid eight.

“Good morning,” he’ll say to each of them, a smile and a pat on the shoulder for each. “How’d you sleep?”

Keith doesn’t bother to lie anymore, to put on an act of at ease and well-rested.

“Like shit, Shiro,” he’ll say, not bothering to raise his head from the purple stuff that passes for coffee. “Like absolute shit.”

The first time he’d said it, Shiro had startled, his hold on Keith’s shoulder going sudden and tight.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Didn’t get a wink.”

“Well,” Shiro had stumbled, “you, ah--did you try meditation?”

“Didn’t bother.” He’d looked up, looked back to see Shiro’s face drawn up and worried. “I never sleep a lot anyway. Even on Earth. I’m fine.”

Shiro hadn’t bought it then, didn’t buy it now, but Keith’s stuck to it, this little shade of untruth. No, he’s never taken refuge in sleep like some people but he’s never found it so elusive before, so willing to slip out of his grasp. After a while, he even finds himself missing his nightmares: the ones about crashing, the ones about falling, the ones about his mom’s voice. They feel like old friends, those dreams, that he’s no longer allowed to see.

And he’s tired. Dear gods, he’s exhausted. But even the softest Altean pillow and the pressure of darkness can’t kick him over to sleep, not the kind he needs, the kind that lets him sink into the bed and lasts for more than 20 minutes. That sort of sleep, it feels like, is long fucking gone.

*****

One night, or what passes for it in space, there’s a knock on his door.

That’s how he knows it isn’t Coran or Allura; they’d have gone straight for the chime. It’s not Hunk, either, because he favors shave and a haircut , and it’s not Lance because he’s a dick and would’ve pounded with both fists. And shouted. He’d definitely have shouted.

Pidge or Shiro, then.

And unless Pidge’s shot up a foot in the last few hours, the tapping is too tall for him. So.

“It’s alright, Shiro,” he calls, waving on the small bunkside lamp. “You can come in.”

The door slides open and Shiro steps in, frowning. “How’d you know it was me?”

“Lucky guess.”

“Right.”

It takes Keith a second to realize that Shiro looks weird. Well, not weird, but a lot less formal than usual; less like a Garrison Leader and more like a person. A person who’s wearing--

“Are those pajamas ?”

Shiro looks down at himself, looks back up at Keith, bemused. “To the best of my knowledge, yes. They’re not a matched set, but since it’s what I tend to sleep in, I think calling them pajamas is fair.”

“Oh. Sure.”

“I mean, if anyone’s attire is cause for comment, I think it’s yours. Aren’t those the clothes you wore today? And yesterday? And the day before that?”

“I put them through the ‘fresher every morning,” Keith says, defensive. “It’s not like I’m wandering around unwashed or something.”

“No, it’s”--Shiro holds his hands up, a little sign of surrender--“I wasn’t suggesting you were. Do you...is this what you wear every night?”

Keith bristles. “Yes. So?”

“So, maybe you’d have an easier time sleeping if you, you know, let yourself relax.”

“I am relaxed!”

Shiro’s mouth curves. “Yeah, obviously. Look at you. You’re the picture of rest and relaxation, Keith.”

Gods, what is it with this guy? “What are you doing here?”

“I’m worried about you.”

“Ugh.” Keith folds his arms across his chest, summons his best scowl. “You don’t need to be.”

“You haven’t slept in weeks. And that’s according to you. You don’t see a cause for concern?”

“I told you. I’m fine.”

Shiro steps towards the bunk, the lamp catching his face, the dark light of his eyes. “And I’m here as your friend to tell you you’re not. What happened with you and the Green Lion today?”

There’s a rush of heat in his face. “We--I lost track of it for a minute, that’s all.”

“And nearly crashed into its side. You could’ve been hurt. So could Pidge, along with both of your lions.”

“But I didn’t. Everything turned out fine. We got home in one piece, didn’t we?”

Shiro’s voice is terribly gentle. “Keith.”

“What?”

“That was just today. Last week, you almost went headfirst into that asteroid. And right before that, you--”

“Gods, shut up!” Keith says. There are tears in his eyes, tears, in front of freaking Shiro. It’s fucking horrific. “You don’t have to--I know I’ve screwed up, ok? I know each and every time I’ve made a mistake.”

“Keith--”

“I know I’m a fuck-up, alright? I know that, I know, you don’t have to come in here in the middle of the fucking night to remind me!”

“Hey,” Shiro says, a shot of steel in his voice, “no way. That’s not why I’m here.”

“Really? Really? Right. Sure, Shiro.”

“Damn it, don’t--!”

He shoves the tears from his cheeks and flies up, ready to punch Shiro if he has to, shove him out into the corridor, anything to make him go away. “Stop talking!” he barks. “Just shut up and get out of here!”

“No!” Shiro shouts, getting right in his face. “I’ve tried not talking to you about this, and you know what, that didn’t work! You’re still dead on your feet all the time, you still look sick, you still feel like you’re worthless and you think that you’re holding us back but you’re not, Keith! You’re not!”

Keith bares his teeth, balls his fists. “How the fuck do you know how I feel, huh?”

“How do I--?” Shiro looks furious. “What part of there are no secrets between paladins did you not understand?”

“What?”

“The mind-link,” Shiro says through gritted teeth. “When we’re Voltron. Do you not grok how it works?”

Keith snarls, tries to take a step back, but Shiro has him by the elbows like a vise. “You’ve been digging around in my head, then? That’s great. That’s real fucking leader-ly of you.”

“I’m not--I’m not digging around in your head! You’re broadcasting those feelings like they’re on a freaking repeater!”

“No, I’m not.”

“You are.” Shiro’s eyes are angry, his grip unrelenting. “Gods, don’t you see? The more tired you get, the louder your thoughts are. Your brain doesn’t have the energy to hold them back.”

There’s a sink of fear in Keith’s gut. He’s afraid it shows in his face; raises his voice just in case. “Well,” he spits, “that doesn’t mean you have to listen!”

“You’re impossible!” Shiro says through clentched teeth. “Honestly, gods, Keith, you’re the most--!”

There are a lot of things that rattle around in Keith’s head on those long nights in the Castle of Lions. Some nights, he can’t crawl out of sadness, can’t shake himself free of worry and doubt. Some nights, there’s fear: the shriek of Zarkon’s fighters; the screams of dying planets; the way the Red Lion trembles when he’s wounded.

But on some nights, when the silence is at its most still, Keith thinks about Shiro. Not the man who strides about with so much certainty, the man who never loses his cool, the man whose resolution, whose steadiness has held their shaky team together time and strange time again.

No, he thinks about the man he’d seen on the table on Earth, the man whose shackles he’d broken, the man who he’d half-carried, half-dragged into the open air, to the speeder, to safety. He remembers the weight of Shiro’s head on his shoulder and the stutter of his breath, the way he’d clung to Keith without reservation or shame, the soft grateful sounds he’d made against Keith’s neck as they staggered towards safety and away from chains and from fear:

Thank you, he’d murmured, his voice like a bruise. Whoever you are. Thank you.

And those thoughts slip sometimes into a dream, an imagined hour in his bed with Shiro bent over him, kissing him, petting at his skin until he cries out and making those same grateful sounds as he pushes into Keith’s body, fills him until there’s no room for thinking, no room for worry, no worry for something like doubt.

Keith, this dream-Shiro will murmur, his voice like a bruise. Thank you. Thank you.

On those longest of nights, the sweetest, he’ll take himself in hand and forget to muffle his cries. He’ll imagine the shape of Shiro’s mouth, the taste of its weight upon his, and stroke himself as Shiro would, slow and steady, each touch perfect and measured until it’s not, until they can’t be, until they’re fucking in earnest and all words are gone and there is, in the whole goddamn universe, only the two of them left, spend supernovas panting against each other’s hot skin.

And then, with the dream pulled about him, he’ll sleep, fall into a soft solid hour of respite but then awake feeling guilty, so fucking guilty, his flesh crawling in shame, and his eyes never close again after that.

Has he put that out into the mind-link? Those feelings, that momentary delusion. Does Shiro know about all of that, too?

“Fuck,” he says, frantic, twisting in Shiro’s arms, “do you ever shut up?”

“I don’t know. Do you ever listen?”

His heart is on fire, his whole body filled with panic. “Huh,” he spits, “maybe if you said something worth hearing.”

Shiro opens his mouth--to scold, to fuss, to shout, maybe all of the above--but in the same instant, their bodies collide, Keith’s thrashing crashing their hips together in a sweet sudden collision and oh, Keith thinks wild, disbelieving, oh gods, because Shiro is hard, stiff behind the soft turn of his sleep pants and he’s breathing startled into Keith’s face and not running away and this is a terrible idea, this isn’t even a thought, this is the best thing that Keith’s done all day:

He turns his face and jams his mouth against Shiro’s, less a kiss than a battering ram. It’s awkward and sideways and rushed and yet it makes Shiro moan, makes his hands fly up to cup Keith’s face and steady him, steady them, turn the awkward into something perfect and deep.

He tastes like Altean toothpaste, does Shiro, a dark, bitter berry. His tongue is demanding and his body unyielding and his fingers are cold, metal and skin both, and with all this, with just a kiss, he makes Keith see fucking stars.

“I didn’t come here for this,” Shiro whispers when they part, when their lips drift just enough to let words fly. “I mean, I’d be lying if I said I’d never thought about, um...but honestly, I came to see if you were all right.”

Keith slips his hand under the hem of Shiro’s t-shirt, lays his palm over cool, shivering skin. “Mmm, I know. But does that mean you want to stop?”

Shiro makes a tiny, pained sound, his cock twitching against Keith’s hip. “Stop? No. No no. Unless you--unless you want to.”

“No,” Keith says, biting gently at Shiro’s lip, his own curled up in a smile. “Definitely not.”

*****

In the morning, he’s slumped over his weird not-coffee when he feels a hand on his shoulder, a roughened voice saying: “Keith? How’d you sleep?”

He tips his head back and smiles. “Like a baby, actually. Once I got around to it. How about you?"

Shiro’s eyes are warm, his mouth still flushed. “About the same, actually.”

“Really? Huh. That’s funny.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Shiro touches the bruise he left on Keith’s neck, the only one the collar of his jacket can’t hide, and gives up a tired grin. “What a coincidence.”

The whole team is looking at them, aren’t they, and Lance is howling something tinged with disbelief but it’s fine, Keith isn’t worried about it; he’s not worried about a damn thing. For the moment, it’s the castle that’s bustling, brimming over with noise and ideas and life, while Keith’s head is quiet and settled, the joy of the night before pressing in on all sides.

“Good morning,” Shiro says, giving him one last squeeze, another lazy shot of a smile.

“Yeah,” Keith says to himself, to his last sip of coffee, to the goggled eyes of his teammates. “It is.”

#shiro #first kiss #season one

2 notes · View notes

renewingagain · 2 years

Text

sunday 13th february 2022 // 9:17pm

i have crieeddddd so much today and last night when i was out

life is incredibly overwhelming right now and there is a lot going on, february is wild! theres the job stuff, im moving house this month, im turning 24, goshhhhh i cannot deal with this right nowwww

anyway my main reason for crying yesterday was because of alex. ugh it sounds so like annoying and he didnt even do anything

it makes me so sad that we can't and don't have sex, i think i may be really insecure (thats how i feel right now anyway) i cant fully understand how i feel

but the constant reminders of him having such a rich sexual past and having had sex with a lot of people and not me, really hurts

it makes me feel undesirable, and i think to be honest i still don't really understand it. and im sorry that i dont understand it and wish i could

but i dont get how he had sex all these times over all these years, and its now that he just suddenly doesn't want to. now i understand that this has come on as a result of sobriety, but i still just don't get it. i dont understand it

and it really hurts when i just get reminded of his previous sex life in any way, its like a gut punch because we're not doing it and other boys have got to explore my boyfriend in a way that i've never been able to. i feel lame and i feel like a mug

and i also feel insecure, because then i just feel very unsexy. and i know its not the case that alex doesn't find me sexy, i know he does, but my mind still cant help but go there

and then like last night for example where i met a guy that hes shagged before, i compare myself to them because idk he was like a pretty boy and then i think oh am i not pretty enough

and then its like almost embarrassing? knowing that other people have got to explore my boy like that and i havent been able to. it really sucks and its kinda fucking with me a bit

why doesnt he want to have sex with me? why doesnt he want to fuck me?

i dunno

if it was like always the case that alex never really enjoyed sex or whatever his whole life then thats fine - thats different

but its the fact that he has done it his whole life, and then suddenly as we start dating he doesnt want to anymore. then again, i just think, does he just not find me sexy? does he just like my company and thats it?

idgi

and what makes this all so hard is the fact that i love him so much. i am in love with him. im attached to him and i dont want to lose him

i just wish this didnt hurt me so much but it does. but the pain of breaking up would be so hard too. i wouldnt wanna shag anyone at all and it would take forever and a day to get over him

and even with us being open, i dont even want to fuck other guys. i want to fuck him because he's my boyfriend and i love him so fucking much

i've never experienced love before like this. i never knew what it was like to love someone romantically but i do now. and we are such a great couple otherwise, we get on, we are intimate and close and oh so cute

and that makes it hard too because he literally gives me an instant boner when he is near me hahaha

i think its really important that we keep talking about it but he doesn't want to either. he will talk about sex to an extent and then shut down because he is tired or exhausted from it or upset, which is fine and his feelings are obviously completely valid. but then my mind is at constant unrest

i dont know whether to talk to him asap or wait until after i've moved out and had my bday because i dont want that to be ruined lol

i can just see how i feel this week i guess. i want to be with him on my birthday. i love him so much :(

sooo yeah plan 1 is either talk to him ASAP, or plan 2 is to wait and move out and get settled. the original plan tbh was to wait and see how i feel about all over this after moving out, because thats when i can have boys around whenever, i could still do this plan but it just depends on how im feeling

as well as this, i also need help hahahaha

i've fully deeped that my life has just been so traumatic. covid fucked everything, theres been a lot of religious trauma, and i cant process it all

thats a writing for another time i think. but i need to be kind to myself and cut myself some slack, ive really been through a lot and i dont acknowledge that enough

having a chat with georgia today was nice. shes persuaded me to get help , im gonna call the EAP tomorrow and discuss what can be done

anyway, i dont know what to do about alex. i really dont

im in two minds because i really dont want to lose him, my heart hurts just thinking about it. i am truly torn

and i know he loves me and i dont doubt that at all. maybe my head is just going in circles

lets just see how this week goes. take it easy on ones self g, you gotta love yourself

it could be worth talking to matt h maybe, hes such a nice boy and i feel like i can approach him

but is that snaking alex? should i maybe talk to danny mac instead given that he knows we're open?

gah

0 notes

15001700tt · 6 years

Text

Mix And Match

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6.

Part 3

After the wedding, i moved to his castle since it was more convenient. Since then i became more acquainted with his home. Occasionally i do get lost but one of his brothers or mates are always around and they help me find my way back.

It was the day where my cousins and I get to meet the remaining two guys. They have been so involved in the war that they had no time to come by. But it was understandable it was getting worse each day, and i could sense it brewing without werewolf heightened senses.

Jong In was also getting restless each night having to wake at the crack of dawn to finish some planning. The dark circles under his eyes get deeper as the days go on i am surprised he hasnt passed out. I brought it up to his attention but he always dismisses it and says hell catch up on sleep later. I dont believe him. But i cant do anything because he wont let me.

The warwas getting on my nerves and i was ready to fly over there and end the war myself. Today is much needed as anyone can see, i am very tense and grumpy and the girls havent had time to talk to me and are getting whisked away by their parents for possible suitors back at home. Hyun Jin is devastated that she doesnt get to fall in love, and Ji Mi just refuses to marry a complete stranger.

As Jong In sat next to as we waited for our guests his head lolled to the side until it slumped against my shoulder. His deep breaths confirmed that he fell asleep. I rolled my eyes before moving him to lay against my lap for more comfort on his part since this is most likely the only nap he will get today or maybe for the next week.

The first one to arrive is Hyun Jin, she came in a grim expression. Her eyes settled on our position before her face lit up ad she awed at out ‘cuteness’

“He couldnt stay awake” i excused. She shook her at us before muttering, “i wouldnt either if i had a war in my backyard”

“Well how are you doing with the influx of suitors?” i asked worriedly.

“Facing an army of vampires doesnt seem that bad anymore” she groaned before she came and sat next to, i started running my hand through her hair while keeping one in Jong In’s.

“I know hun, i wish it was easier”

“Ji Mi literally just chased away the last one but my guy was more sticky that the last” she huffed in annoyance. The doors opened one more time while Hyun Jin was mid sentence, “and the worst thing is he wasnt even trying to be gentle, he was pushing me around and being a total dick. And mid way through he tried to touch me, i almost thre-” a growl erupted from the figure standing by the door.

That seemed to wake Jong In up and grab hold of me. I caressed his face to show him that i was fine, but clearly the man at the door wasnt.

“Baekhyun” Jong In’s voice rang clear in the room, while Hyun Jin’s was more a breathy sigh. I could tell the days events took a toll on her from the way her face looked, all pale and no light that usually shines.

In an instant Baekhyun was next Hyun Jin and looking intently into her eyes, eyes slightly red, before another snarl rippled from his throat scaring Hyun Jin a little bit that she jumped.

“Who dared to touch you?” that seemed to snap Jong In’s haze and immediately he came and restricted Baekhyun and whispered in his ear. He seemed calmed a bit, he closed his eyes before opening them to a golden hue in them, then finally their normal shade.

I knew what this meant, i couldn't help the small smile that creeped onto my lips, a small gasp escaping my lips when JongIn flopped down on my lap again.

“You Are comfortable.” his only excuse.

“Honey we have guests” i told him

“it s fine, those guests are going to get really comfortable, so should we” he mumbled against my legs. I chuckled, i looked up to see that Hyun Jin had moved up from her seat and was standing in front the calm man who had a gentle smile on his face.

I listened in to their conversation when i couldn't help my curiosity, no remorse felt because she spied on my first day of courting.

“I am guessing youre Yong Sang’s cousin” he smiled cheerfully, “i am Byun Baekhyun, One of Jong In’s closest friends and knights” he introduced.

“You are correct, i am Song Hyun Jin” she curtseyed at him while batting her eyelashes at him innocently. Somehow that lead to them furiously hugging, my small gasp caused Jong In to chuckle.

“They went straight to the point didn't they?”

“You should be sleeping” i playfully snapped at him.

“Dont you think Ji Mi and Kyungsoo are taking too much time to get here?” he questioned looking at the slightly ajar door.

“What do you mean?” Baekhyun’s voice cut through the thick haze that surrounded me and Hyun Jin.

“I mean that i can both their footsteps really close but they havent ever met each other and i want to see that” he grabbed my hand and pulled me off the chair and dragged me soundlessly towards the open door. Hyun Jin following behind me and Baekhyun at the end. As we rounded the corner we saw the pair just making eye contact.

3rd POV

Kyungsoo’s eyes flashed gold before turning normal brown once again, he finally found her, whoever she is. Although he was pretty good at guessing, she’s Yong Sang’s cousin, if she was heading this way and he had never seen her before. He needed confirmation thought, he feels as if hes grasping at thin straws.

“I uh i am Do Kyungsoo, head knight” he introduced awkwardly before letting a charing smile grace his lips.

“Song Ji Mi at your service” she responded with a soft voice. She was drained from the events of today, if she could just go to her bed and sleep she was sure she can deal with it tomorrow. She was exhausted to no point and this attractive knight wasnt helping her poor brain.

Of course she knew who he was, she saw his pictures everywhere and he was also the reason for her embarrassment in Yong Sang’s wedding. Her barely functioning brain had successfully led her down the right corridor but she still doubted.

“uhm-I-I do not know if i am going the right direction to the room, would please help me?” she asked with grace even she couldn't believe she mustered.

“I dont think thats a good idea,” he paused before getting closer to her whispering, “theyre eavesdropping at the end of the hall.” her eyes widened in shock.

“I suggest we go to the kitchen because you look like you could use a meal.” he offered.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” she couldn't help but snap. “You are my mate” those simple words seemed to turn her whole world upside down, she stumbled back a step. He caught her.

“Are you ok?? You need to sit down” he held her up as he led her to the kitchen. Once they arrived he sat her down at the table. And rolled up his sleeves of the casual attire he wore.

“Wanna tell me about your day as i make you a delicious meal?” he suggested playfully, causing a small smile to bloom on her exhausted face.

“I chased away five suitors today, the last one was stubborn until i punched him right in the face, then he almost hit me,” she in took a breath to calm her frantic beating heart, also hearing a small growl leave his body frame. “Which would be bad for him because i am not trained like an assassin for nothing.” she continued causing Kyungsoo to turn his head and eyebrow raised.

“What? The king and queen thought it would be a good idea to give us some training if we chased away the guard they assigned us” she shrugged.

As time flew, so did the smell of whatever Kyungsoo was cooking because to her it smelled heavenly and mouth watering. He placed the dish in front of and sat down opposite of her so he could see her face better. Unlike the tired expression she held on their way here, now she looked like she was on cloud 9.

“I am glad you think it smells good but shouldn't you taste it first?” he smirked as she bobbed her head. She grabbed her eating utensil and put some of the dish in her mouth, her reaction almost immediate. He grinned as she moaned and grabbed another bite.

“Interesting” he murmured catching her attention, “my cooking won you over not my good looks which hurts my ego a little but but i'll get over it.” he stated with a small smirk.

“If you weren’t such a good cook I’d cut off your hands” she bashfully said.

“Gruesome, i feel bad for the suitors but then again, they didn't know better” he said with fake remorse, causing Ji Mi to roll her eyes at his tactics

“Do you know any better?” she questioned playfully, he scoffed and finally ate some of the food he prepared, “of course i wouldnt be your mate if i didnt”

“Doesnt mean you dont have to win me over” she tsked at his confidence.

“Thought i already did with my cooking” he countered.

“Maybe your fighting skills” she stated

“I am sure i can teach you something” he teased.

“Sure you can” she rolled her eyes, that seemed full of light now. She feels as though she can do this forever.

#exo #exo ot9 #exo fanfiction #baekhyun #ot9 #chanyeol #kai #exo fanfic #scenarios #exoooooo #lotto exo #chen

6 notes · View notes

lyxxstories · 6 years

Text

Library

He watches as the girl runs her hands through her hair for the umpteenth time today. No doubt frustrated with whatever work she has laid out on the table.

He arrived the library about two hours ago and at those hours, this girl was working non-stop. He kinda felt guilty for only using the place for sleeping especially now that he sees another student getting worked up with school.

He doesn't know how long she's been here since she was here before he entered but he could tell that it's a long time, judging by the way she looked.

His eyes widen when he saw tears running down her face.

I-is she actually crying?

She slams her pencil down and starts to cover her face with her hands.

Now he felt bad for the girl.

Quiet sobs were heard at the area. He looks around to see if anyone noticed and actually they were a few number of people staring at her weirdly. Some with scowl faces, probably thinking that she's annoying.

He watches as she breathes in and out trying to calm herself down. She wiped a tear with her sleeve and grabbed the pencil before starting to work again.

For some reason, he stood up from his seat, went to the vending machine, bought water and biscuits, and started to go to her table.

When he got closer, he noticed a bunch of notebooks, ledgers, and bank statements.

Ah, she must be taking Accountancy.

He cleared his throat. "Uh, miss?"

She looked up to the owner of the voice and gave a confused look.

He suspected that she was tired, considering she's been working for hours but woah does she look stressed.

He felt even more guilty for sleeping.

"I-I'm sorry... did I disturb you?" She asked softly, wiping her face in case she missed some of her tears.

"Oh no no no," he smiles. "I just thought you might want a drink."

She got even more confused when he handed out a bottle of water.

"Or perhaps a snack?" He says, offering her the pack of biscuits.

She raised her brow, not knowing what to reply.

He retained the smile on his lips, but its getting a bit awkward with the silence she's giving.

Okay. I didn't think this through.

He cleared his throat again. "Uh I just thought you were working so hard that you deserve a break."

Her eyes widen. "You... you noticed?"

"Hmm," he nodded. "Please. Take it. I bought it from the vending machine. You dont have to worry."

With his gentle expression, she felt convinced. And honestly, she's been hungry and thirsty. She gave a small smile before getting the biscuits.

He noticed that her hands were slightly shaking.

"Ah let me open this for you." He says, getting the bottle cap off before handing it over.

"Thank y-"

Her hand betrayed her. Once she got a grasp of the bottled water, it fell to the ground with the liquid oozing out to the library's floor.

"Ah! I'm sorrry!!!" She says quickly crouching down to pick up the drink.

"No no its fine," He reassures, beating her into getting the bottle. "I'll just go get another one okay?"

She didnt even have the chance to protest. After a few minutes, he was already back with a new drink in hand.

"Here," he carefully puts the bottle in her hand, making sure that it wont fall this time.

"Thank you."

Since she already stopped. Might as well take a break like he said. She closed the current transaction book she has but made sure that there was a mark to remind her where she should continue.

He watches as she almost immediately finish the pack of biscuits with just a few bites. The way she gulped down the water was enough statement that she is exhausted.

"Must be hard being an Accountancy student, huh?" He says, starting a conversation.

How did he-? Oh. My papers are on the table.

"Well not really... I just crammed..." She answered hesitantly.

"Somehow I find that hard to believe."

"Huh? Why?"

"You look like someone who takes school seriously." Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Not that its a bad thing. I just didn't see it as cramming you know?"

"Well it is cramming," she sighs. "It's due tomorrow and I still havent balanced my accounts."

"Oh..." He mutters. "That explains it."

"Yep," she exhales once more. "What about you?"

"Me?"

"Do you got some work you need to do as well?"

He laughs awkwardly, "Not exactly..."

She tilts her head.

"I uh..." cleared his throat. "Came here to nap actually."

"Oh wow."

Lucky guy. I would kill to get some sleep. I've been awake for who knows how long.

"Do you need help?"

"Hmm?"

"With your work," he says eyeing the papers on the table.

"You know how to bookkeep?" She questioned, slightly interested.

"Yeah, my brother's an Accountant so he kind of taught me how." He answers. "But that's all I can do. I kind of forgot to do other accountancy stuff."

"It's okay. I can do it. I just needed a break."

"Uh are you sure?"

"Well yeah I have like a lot of time to do this."

"I'm gonna do it for now," he grabs the transaction book.

"B-but why? You dont know me. You dont need to do this." She say, slightly panicking.

He chuckles. "It's fine seriously. You need to rest."

"No I have-"

"Have a 15 minute nap," he suggested. "That's all. Then I'll leave you be."

She's pretty much sold. She just thought she should be courteous about it. She really IS tired.

"Why are you so nice?"

"You think so?" He chuckles. "Thank you. I try my best."

She smiled as well. "I uh... I guess I'll take a quick sleep."

"Okay,"

"You're not going to steal my stuff are you?"

He chuckles before shaking his head as a no. "You can call security if ever that happens."

"Well okay then..." she says yawning a bit. "Thank you, Stranger."

Okay the amount is... $418,267.

He puts down the pencil and checked his work again. Okay, its balanced. He reads the next instruction and gulped.

Adjustments? How do this work again?

For the next few minutes, he tries to figure out the first account adjustment he had to do. He scratches his head trying to recall which accounts to debit and credit. He lets out a breath. He doesn't know how to do this.

He looks at his side and sees the girl sleeping soundly, head and arms resting on the table. He puts his arm on the table and rests his head on his palm just gazing at her.

She looks so peaceful like this.

It sucks that she has to cram her work. Then again... it isher fault for doing it at the last minute. But who is he to talk right?

15 minutes of nap is so not enough for her. He thought of waking her up when the time ran out but thinking of how stressed she was just made him do the opposite. That's why he thought it was best to do the next steps on her book.

"Mm..." she slowly sits up, scratching her face.

"How was your sleep?" He smiles at her.

She stretches her arms before giving two thumbs up.

"Well that's good."

He then hands over the ledgers and the journals.

"O-oh right," she suddenly blushed, getting the books. "Thank you."

"No problem." He flashes another smile.

She opens the book to check the work he had done. Surely, he only did one or two transactions. But as she skims through the pages, her grip on the books tightened.

"H-how long was I asleep?" She peeks at him.

"Hm? What's wrong?"

"Its just that uh..." she says softly. "It's all footed and posted..."

"Did I do it wrong?" He questioned, slightly panicking. He moves next to her wanting to see if he made mistakes.

"No. Its just that..." He stares at her curiously, making her blush even more. "You... you didnt have to journalize every transaction. You could've just woke me up."

Thats it?

He lets out a sigh of relief. Glad his brother's annoying lectures finally paid off.

"It's alright. You didnt sleep that long either... just an hour or so..." he replied, mumbling the last part.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." He answered quickly. "Um... I'm sorry that's all I can do. I kind of forgot how to do the adjustments."

Her eyes widen. "You're apologizing? Wow. You truly are nice."

"Haha I guess so."

"Seriously though," she gives him a small smile. "Thank you."

He returns the smile. "No problem uh-"

"Oh its Andrea," she stretches out her hand. "Or Andy. Whichever you prefer."

He shakes her hand and nods. "I'm Kian."

"Well Kian, you have definitely made my day less stressful." She states.

"And you actually made me do something other than sleeping," he said making her chuckle. "So I think I should thank you too."

*Ding*

Kian takes out his phone and frowned when he saw the message.

"You okay?" Andrea asked curiously.

"Yeah..." he sighs, returning his phone back in his pocket. "My brother is making me go home."

She raises a brow. "... Is that bad?"

"Nah. I just thought I could stay here for a bit longer." He says with a sad smile. "But anyway,"

He stands up from his chair.

"I hope you finish your work."

"Ah yes, of course." She smiles at him. "Thank you again."

"Don't stress yourself okay?" He said patting her head and turning around to leave.

She watches as he walks away, chin resting on her hand.

What a strange nice guy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wrote this instead of doing my practice set in accountancy ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#story #stories #writing #text #accountancy #college

1 note · View note

ts-akhmim · 4 years

Text

Episode 9 | “Autumn's World”- Jakey

ok i really wasnt going to make a post tribal confessional because my last one was so long but like i have to get this off my chest... can i just say the irony is NOT lost on me that im the one who got the power to visit the pre jurors and plead my case on who i think they should vote for and......they voted for ME???? at least that's what my common sense is telling me because almost no one said anything to me during my trip there so... i doubt they voted amir because im pretty sure liam did? like..... this game is REALLY starting to make me extremely self conscious like wtf i literally havent even met half of these people and the majority of them voted for me without even knowing me.... has my whole life been a lie? am i not actually the bomb dot com?? like i dont think im this amazing person or anything and obviously i know not everyone is gonna like me but WHAT is it about me that's clearly so polarizing with people and NOT in a good way... first people in the game i didnt know wanted to vote me out now people i dont know want me out too do i have a sticker on my forehead that says hate on me? like trust and believe i hate myself enough i dont need yalls negativity too ! maybe im just too ahead of the times for certain people.. at this point i dont care, im a tough cookie and i guess im a little mean and judgemental so this is just my karma but whatever, pity party over, i guess you know you that bitch when you cause all this conversation zzzzzz

okay so i filmed two video confessionals while walking the dog but i think i just flipped the captain vote?! i truly do think i just flipped the captain vote while walking the dog which is so exciting. i knew voting jordan was stupid to scorn him for no reason, so i decided tj would be better, spoke to who i needed to speak to, and now its happening hehe [the two videos i filmed should explain why i did what i did]. this is the first time this game i felt like montenegro ali is not gone completely - i set a goal for myself and i made it happen. now no matter what this season i can be proud that i made something happen hehe. tj's target is gonna inflate like a balloon now hehe. the way i did it was i spoke to autumn first, who i knew also had the connections with the beauties who would need to be flipped, then talked about my reservations with jake/devon/augusto. i knew autumn would push tj, and i just got to sit back and here them all say tj to me?! i feel so proud that i made that happen tm, now we have a scapegoat set up. i think update so: Ideal Bootlist: Kendall > TJ > Jordan/Augusto > Jordan/Augusto > Duncan > Amir > F5: Me/Autumn/Jake/Devon/Adam Ranking as a Juror: autumn > jake > amir > duncan > jordan > augusto > devon > adam > tj > kendall

okay so... i think as a consequence of the trust rankings, i think i'm now set up very well to be shielded by both my closest allies, jake for his idol play and autumn for the perception of her as someone who runs the tribe. ideally next two votes are maybe kendall then tj? idek

im gonna say something, that i NEVER say and im gonna OWN IT. . . .. .... IM A DUMB BITCH. ok i say that a lot but THISSS time i really mean it, ive been playing this game so short sighted and completely narrowly, focused on getting these old beautys out for almost voting me out in the beginning, and today i find out, that little old ME is the one who's actually been the president of the clown academy smh obviously, i do still think i was semi valid in not trusting any of those 3 at first, but today, amir approached me finally to clear the air, because like i said before, the reason ive had no interest in working with like him or augusto was because i knew what they were plotting against me, HOWEVER .... i guess i lacked some common sense that shouldve told me well look at it from their perspective, it's just very hard for me to trust when i was lied to so, i know for a fact someone went to amir and probably told him i wanted him out last round instead of liam, and i also learn that the REAL CLOWN OF ALL THE LANDS IS DUNCAN. I had a call with jordan today, and he basically spilled the beans that duncan wants my head on a silver platter?? first of all, duncan, you're a fool. I was completely on your side and actually trusted you, so thanks for nothing! I would not be surprised if he was trying to go to amir to plan to vote me out I also talked to autumn on call today and she confirmed that to me as well, and it made me feel a lot better because i think duncan thinks that IM overconfident in the game which is NOT THE CASE...have yall seen my confessionals??? is it or is it not tea that all i do is sit and guess multiple scenarios for my paranoia...granted i KNOW im a diva and i have fits and my moments, but i genuinely try not to get comfortable, so the fact that HE thinks he can get comfty and get me out, boy you got another thing coming because i may not know what the HELL im doing 85% of the time but i think that's one of my best traits, im a wildcard and elusive and adaptability is what i try to go for more so than being that person in charge, because clearly anytime i think im in charge, thats NEVER the case... and congratulations because now there's an angry adam on the loose and duncan is now my biggest target out of no where. Funny how so much can change in less than a day huh? at this point i literally trust no one i feel like im at the liar convention of the century, i want to say i trust autumn, jordan, and kinda ali the most but idk anymore. I feel like Jakey is 100% in with duncan to get me out too but idk i dont have any proof, just a conspiracy because they both messaged me at the exact same time after ignoring me for hours so it made me think they had a call together of some sort and talked about me I'm kinda upset with myself because every time i play i do this stupid thing where i refuse to look at the bigger picture, and im glad there's still enough game left i can kinda start to snap out of it and see where it takes me from here, even though ive played twice and done decent placement wise both times i feel like i have a lot to prove as far as people just thinking im an idiot and will never catch on to things, and i definitely think duncan thinks im an idiot now but you know what, ill let him think that because the fact that people are letting me in on things, shows me i must be doing at least something right ....although it could get tricky, because i really do love autumn and me and her both agreed jordan is a huge threat down the road, but jordan is also on my side right now so i need to treat carefully with that i also need to get to WORK on connecting and mending my relationships with amir/augusto, at this point all i can do is try and be honest with them about whats been going on and hopefully they dont rule me out, BUT ... in my slight defense i never wouldve been so against them if they just owned up to it and not lied to me over and over again in the beginning xoxo but i do hereby take away all the SHIT ive talked since like..... day 7 dajfks ok last thing i want to touch on is im STILL confused why no one trusts me in this immunity challenge i got second to last after KENDALL..... like all shade at myself yall are giving me WAY too much credit... they all still think im stacked with idols and advtantages and even though i MAY have cracked the pyramid im not good at solving shit so FUCK 2048 FOR GETTING MY WAY OF GETTING THIS IDOL

just called with amir for ages and he was 100% misting me but i'm at peace with it he is super sweet.

Adam, welcome to your tape. im not even sure where to begin .... ive never YELLED at a gay in my life like this... that gay being ME.... so here i am, having a breakdown going boo hoo hoo for me thinking people must just HATE me for whatever unknown reason, only for me to find out I UNKNOWINGLY GAVE EVERYONE A REASON DHAJKFDHAJKD rewind back to survivor auction....obviously i knew with an anonymous auction people were ALL gonna start lying about what they really got and what not ... however, im sure none of them were STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL A BLATANTLY OBVIOUSLY FALSE FABRICATION LIKE ME I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT ... SO I JUST WANTED PEOPLE TO THINK I WAS AT LEAST TRYING FOR IMMUNITY SO I TOLD EVERYONE I BID ON THE IMMUNITY NECKLACES THEN WHEN I DIDNT GET THEM I WENT FOR THE ADVANTAGE, MEANWHILE NOT USING COMMON SENSE AND REALIZING IF I BID ON THE NECKLACES....I WOULDNT BE ABLE TO BID ON THE CHALLENGE ADVANTAGE i literally pulled a cirie trying to play officer sarah's own steal a vote against her but no not really because cirie is a LEGEND and im just a DUMB DUMB. AT LEAST CIRIE CAN SAY SHE WAS PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY EXHAUSTED WHICH IS WHY SHE MESSED UP BUT WHAT CAN I SAY?? ive never made such an idiotic mistake so obvious before.... i was probably high so ill blame the weed for some of it but mostly just me being dumb. ive been sitting around DRAGGING people for lying to me and now here i am lying right to everyone BUT IN MY DEFENSE.....it really is such a MINUSCULE lie but considering i devoted my entire first part of my game to being against people for telling me the tiniest of lies, i must look like SUCH a hyprocrite but one thing about me is at least ill own it, however, im now one of the biggest and easiest targets in the game because of what ive done so it's time to come up with something real quick (but not another lie NO MORE....) i completely deserved #9 in that challenge but dhfakj its time to completely change my game because now no one is gonna want to work with me and it's my own fault, im a dead fish being asked to come back to life, im gonna have to find a way to play this off or even just come clean and hope it doesnt completely screw me.... but wait..... i just got 9th on all these people's lists and completely lied to everyone and.....somehow they decided to let me have immunity??? what the HELL is going on? i mean logically speaking if im the biggest target here now why not keep me around because im so stupid, at first i was just trying to ACT dumb but that i actually am just dumb, it makes it a lot easier that's for sure! so yeah .... gonna lay low for a bit and not dig myself in more holes

tj and jordan really. really. think they can vote autumn out to scoop me up? like do i look like a sheep, do i look like a clown? because i do not have wool nor do i have a clown wig on. im so done with jordan he can pretend and preach till the cows come home that we are working together and that threats need to stick together.... but actions 100% speak louder than words, and his actions are nothing but shady so

yall: confess! me, who's already made 10 confessionals per round and the 1 person yall weren't talking to: ok sure ! anyway im still an idiot just a tiny update, ive decided to come clean about that damn auction even though everyone already knew oop, lying clearly wasnt working for me even tho i got immunity so maybe it did work in some sick and twisted way??? I really just tried to play it up by telling everyone that i only did it because i have trust issues and didnt know who i could really trust until after the vote, which is kinda true, but obviously my lie was just stupid nonetheless like GOD i literally couldve been in a better spot by being honest all along, but its like.....i willingly stopped in the middle of the race to put a hurdle in front of myself.... but anywho, as long as i have immunity this round, it gives me time to do damage control and see if i can salvage any of my game dafshkj I also talked with amir and augusto finally both on calls separately, to bury the unnecessary hatchet ive been holding onto, amir really did make me feel better about everything between us because he actually apologized because he was able to admit that everything that happened....was literally their own fault ctfu, like had they just been honest with me, we wouldve moved on, but i NO longer hold any ill will towards them about it from a game point, i liked being able to talk with augusto again too because i really did genuinely feel like he was someone i really wanted to play with, and i just dont want to be against the only other 3 brown gays in the game like me and autumn had such a long and great talk about the RACIAL bias in survivor YEAH i said it. I think we should have that conversation. As far as the vote goes it's actually kinda crazy to me....autumn was just talking to me earlier about wanting jordan out because he is definitely a threat, and she's somehow single handedly gotten everyone on board to do it which is scary but im just like....in awe of watching her play like i truly believe talking with her is the reason i won immunity, and i truly think if i didnt have this immunity i would be the one leaving because of my damn big mouth and my own antics. but jordan's kinda been on my side giving me select tea, however i know for a fact he's been holding out on me, but voting him out is still absolutely gonna suck for me tbh, im gonna feel like a bad person, but if there's anything ive learned the last 24 hours of this game is that whatever, this is truly just a game and i need to stop being so overtly sensitive to everything and play smart from here on out. I cant beat jordan in the end. He also just has more loyalties to other people than me so, the plan right now might be to vote him out and he might think it's autumn so he doesnt do anything crazy? i mean part of me WANTS to let him in on the tea just so he can cause chaos but it would get back to me....and im not sure him staying would benefit me enough to piss everyone off, so for ONCE watch while i sit back and shut up

I should have done this yesterday, but I guess I'll spill now. So yesterday was easily the worst day of this game so far for me. I was taking the LSAT, which I thought would give me some amount of a break from being talked about, but it turns out that everyone is going to vote me to be Captain. That part doesn't bother me AS much. What bothers me more is that Duncan and Autumn, who pent so much time genuinely connecting with, apparently turned on us to work with the Beauties over the alliance me and Jordan had with them. I understand that Autumn and Ali are close, yes, but I really thought the connection I had made with those two would allow them to at least stand up for me when people threw my name out there for Captain and have Adam voted as Captain WHEN HE WANTED TO BE IT! And then I choose to save the Bottoms. I wanted to do this not out of revenge, but in order to have a potential in with the Beauty trio of Augusto/Amir/Kendall (on top of if I save the Tops, there is no way I win immunity). So I go with my gut, and then Jakey tells me there was a chat made with the Tops about how to get Adam/Amir/Augusto or some duo of those three safe in spite of my choice. So Autumn of all people, who we went to the same fucking university, decides to vote me out of spite. That just sucks so much to know because I genuinely thought I was going to work with her and Duncan. I truly thought there was something there. And now I feel I have to start back from square one. The day has come where I think I want to work with the Beauty trio; three people I've never been on the same tribe as, but at least they understand the situation I'm in since they have a similar one. Now we can hopefully prevent this stupid Brawn vs. Beauty grudge match that the Brains had created. No more. The Ginger is done being Mr. Nice Guy. I won't sit around any more and let people take advantage of my kindness. I want to win this fucking game, and I intend to do exactly that.

This is likely the most 'dangerous' round I have been apart of. Jordan/Duncan/Autumn/TJ have been involved in an alliance for quite some time. At 8:58pm EST (2 mins before the deadline), I jumped on and asked who I should eliminate. Instead of anyone telling me publicly who to eliminate, it was Duncan of all people who privately messaged me and said to eliminate his buddy Jordan. Since then, I have had the opportunity to talk to a lot of people. I exposed the alliance to those I knew could play a role in breaking it up. For now, the plan seems to be Jordan. However, almost everyone knows about it, and idols/advantages could come into play at any point. Duncan should be safe for now, but his time is coming. I just need to be able to time everything.

Kendall, if you see this I just want you to know that I love you so so so so so much! I know these people for whatever reason don’t give you the time of day but it’s because of that that they don’t see just how amazing you are! Your crown is slipping ma’am, but don’t let it because you’re a queen and I love you tons <3

If I had to sum up this round, I would say that overconfidence is a weakness in this game. Just look at the MESS that has transpired this round. 1) Autumn pushed for Jordan a LOT as she was in a power position 2) It ended up falling on TJ due to Duncan initially voting that way and Autumn telling others to do that 3) TJ decided to save the bottoms instead of his alliance members for some reason 4) Duncan thought he could do the most and veto my immunity to “save” Jordan only to get Devon to do it instead so his hands are clean 5) Autumn and Duncan tried to control the entire round 6) Jordan thought he could pull a fast one on Autumn by approaching people to blindside her despite not building connections with a lot of players… BASICALLY, people need to humble themselves a bit. I understand that in these games, everyone thinks they are the smartest person here but like… these people tried to have their cake, ate it too, and then threw it up and caused a mess. It’s just… wow (‘:

While I would love to blindside Autumn soon, I’ve wanted Jordan Pines out since I got to the merge because he is a dangerous player. Going into the round, I didn’t see it as a possibility given that I alongside Autumn and Amir were the only people to feel like Jordan should leave. But now? He’s Public Enemy #1 and I’m all for it. Getting Jordan out helps me a lot because now I can possibly have TJ on my side, Autumn trusts me now more than ever, Jakey and I are getting closer, Duncan did all this craziness only to have the person he tried to save leave so he’s a target, and yeah… it just is in my best interest to do so so that’s what I plan on doing.

Ngl, I played victim this round because everything that has happened to me has been because of me being scapegoated in one way or another. Granted, I did tell Kendall and Amir to place me low on their lists but I’m sure I was #8 because of the Beauty trio. In a way, I’m using that to my advantage. Even Duncan deciding to veto my immunity and not Jordan’s has been something I’ve capitalized on a lot this round and I think that decision by Duncan is what turned the tides against him ultimately. Strangely, this round has been super amazing for me? yay?

The amount of TEA I have been given this round is insane. I know Amir has an idol, Devon has a double vote, Adam has a challenge advantage & he got to talk to the prejury, the existence of the TJ/Jordan/Duncan/Autumn alliance, I was the first Beauty Jordan approached to get Autumn out, Autumn told me that if she leaves she wants Amir or I to win, I was pulled into an alliance with Autumn/Devon/Amir/myself, Adam and I agreed Amir is dangerous so Adam wants me here more than Amir, and Jakey told me about the Tops group chat when it was made and told me everything that happened there (same with Autumn). I’ve been a tea collector this round and I’m not mad at all. While I love Amir, I do fear that our games are a little too intertwined and that if I sit next to him at the end, I’ll lose badly… but I think people also seem him as a major target so in a way he’s a shield? I need to find a way to separate myself gameplay-wise. I do think I’ve done a lot for our partnership (it was my connection to Devon and my connection to Autumn that got us in these good positions) so yeah we’ll see… I just want to win yknow ;-; love Amir sooooooo much tho

im gonna write a longer one in a bit but the summary rn is jordan pines can legit go peace out and send his white male rage somewhere else im not about to listen to him get mad at me when he wanted to blindside me this round like... get that energy somewhere else im not the one

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THEY WERE GONNA MAKE ADAM CAPTAIN AND WE PUSHED FOR IT TO A BRAWN AND NOW BRAWN IS MAD AT BRAIN IM GOING TO TRY AND FINESSE IMMUNITY OUT OF THIS

okay okay so basically, ewkjfnekwfnew i spent all morning not wanting them to vote adam as a captain, and then for my list, i basically got multiple people to rig my position, aka devon jakey and augusto to put me mid low, and tried to make ppl put brain + ali at the top. now the lists are exposed, adam wants to work with me again, and ppl are scared of brawn + ali. I am trying to make that i can win immunity this round, and then i can shut my mouth and these people can fuck each other up so PLEASAAAAAAASEEEE LET ME WIN IMMUNITY

So here we go let me spill some tea about these people, so last round, I had devon come to me and tell me that Adam said my name, Liam was the vote for me, and many people were entertaining it and were purposely leaving me on read. Like for the entire first round, Adam liam tj jordan and Ali all didn’t make a single effort to talk any game with me. This round comes around, and it’s a damn trust list when I’m currently in the most notorious beauty threesome of all time, and Ik it’s not gonna go well cuz everyone wants us out cuz me kendall and Augusto are so prettty and they r jealous But early on in the morning, autumn wants to call, and we do, and she’s like let’s make Jordan the captain vote, which makes sense cuz that’s what jakey and Augusto told me the night prior, so like all good I agree to make the captain Jordan. Basically, being the captain in this, SUCKS, cuz u won’t win immunity and u piss off 4 people, so miss autumn, hangs up on me to call other people and suddenly tj, who mind you is doing his LSAT exam, comes back to autumn and Duncan making him the vote for the captain. They fucked him OVER LMAO, and then the trust list comes out, and allllll the beauties and jordan on the bottom, and alllll the brains at the top with Ali and jakey . So suddenly, tj has a change of heart and he messaged me about how wants to get to know the beauties better, and he cuts the tops and the bottoms live. But like, Duncan autumn tj and Jordan literallt had an alliance and the they fucked him over so like Dkndkdndkd Anyway, the immunity challenge is happening, jakey and Devon help me win immunity discretely, And now I’m IMMUNEEEEE I suddenly love this crackhead competition , and with the list order, everyone can tell the brains are playing ALL SIDES. So adam and I finally decide to talk cuz we’re both at the bottom, and I’m like okay sis are we good, and he’s like I heard some shit and I was just really honest about early hathor and I think him and I are okay rn?? So like that’s good for me, So me and adam are safe, and all hell breaks loose, cuz Jordan apparently was super convinced with his safety but autumn and Duncan cut them out of the competition. Duncan was so shady about it, he actually asked devon to do it, and he decided to do Augusto, so like Duncan’s way of being loyal to Jordan is to tell someone else to do it so he’s being extremely messy. He’s not telling me about his alliance STILL, playing dumb with me, So autumn calls me and she IS POPPINGGGGG OFFFFFFF and dragging the 2 white boys from brawn to FILTH, and organizes this entire plan for them to think it’s between tj and Duncan, but we tell them autumn, and then we all vote Jordan. Jakey tried to make it duncan but I refuse, because Duncan is necessary to be against Ali and Duncan’s whole ass game is blown up now. No one trusts him, so I want him here. and jakey was like fine hehe and honestly okay I love jakey so much, like I plan on being loyal for as long as he’s loyal to me but I feel like he’d cut me in a couple rounds. Rn we are tight tho and we tell each other everything. Augusto and Kendall AND I MIGHT MAKE IT ANOTHER ROUND LMFAOOO DKDJDKNDD, And the MESSIEST PART OF TODAY IS HOW AUTUMN GOT US FROM POINT A TO POINT B. Like she literally woke up, fucked over tj, then cut the brawn out of the comp, and then felt betrayed by them, for her fucking them over, and has now taken control of the game. Like I’m just gonna say, she betrayed her alliance with brawn and she’s starting to work with me and Augusto and for that I fuckin love her. She’s also super cool I’ll do a merge cast analysis next round Anyway yeah good night love y’all xoxoxox

okay so today jordan calls me and hes like heyyyyyy sisterrrr lets all vote autumn and i say ok ok lets do it, but in my head im like nonononoonon, cuz jordan has spent 5 days talking about getting my out, and he literally doesnt even have the votes so i cant consider this cuz jakey isnt down at all, he simply doesnt have the numbers, so the plan is me tj jakey augusto kendall jordan vote autumn but we all rat on jordan, so everyone is suppose to split on jordan and tj but someone ratted to them and now no one is paying attention to me as much LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO ps, jordan pines, i really really do like u and enjoy talking to u and i would love to get to know u after the game <3 , im still gonna slit your throat tho, sorry for that

okay so tonight jordan pines is going to jury. drew in my host chat said "i hate when my faves fight" and let it be known. im not going to fight jordan, im going to send him to jury so he can complain there. his rage and aggression im not in the mood to deal with. its crazy how jordan brought the tribe together and his reign of terror tribe calls are not working. you cant come at people with rage, when your whole strategy has revolved around treating people like your pawns. like you treated this like chess but the one in checkmate is you. cut to me being voted out but im sick of jordan and his attitude, this is a game in a serious time in the world. its coronavirus quarantine and portraying everyone as literal satan is fucked up and i have zero time for it so. he can take his bad energy to being the world's most bitter juror. i really liked jordan, but this was a really toxic ugly side that came out tonight and i hate it

this lil challenge yall came up with it? I'm not with it https://drive.google.com/open?id=1K3cO8KqOtvKoz6bPPlZ1IoTgrBWY5-7-

if yall dont come get Jordan Pines so I don't beat his ass because I wish he would pipe up to me. He got all the kids scared but not me. Bitch this vote is solid and you wouldn't be doing the most if you could save yourself so bloop. Ali ain't flipping, Devon ain't flipping, Jakey ain't flipping, and the POC's ain't flipping so you can have TJ and the little vote steal cause that's all you got. Wait til Duncan walks in and find out Jordan is trying to put the vote on him he'll really vote his ass out Fuck an idol- if it gets played it gets played but it's not like he's getting to the end so if I walk into jury, so be it. Maybe I'll actually get to finish Cagayan since every time I get hooked in an episode, some fuckery goes down in Akhmim. ALSO WHO THE FUCK SNITCHED???? WE HAD TWO AND A HALF HOURS TO GO YOU SNAKE. I bet it was Duncan or Kendall cause they're the only ones messy enough to still be up Jordan's ass after aaaaaallll of this. Devon really thought about flipping because Jordan promised him he'd reveal the rat if Devon voted with him. Girl really?? https://giphy.com/gifs/oxygenmedia-bad-girls-club-bgc-bgc10-10hUQ2QszsZ75S I'm so sick of these white boys I don't know what to do. Get back in line!!! You don't want the smoke and you know it!!! That's why Jordan's dumbass is trying to switch targets cause it's rock. solid. over here. And it's gonna stay that way too! We can kill Duncan on Thursday but tonight?? We ARE doing Jordan Pines, no I'm not taking any questions at this time. Fuck you mean "I'm tempted?" Bitch I'll end you right here right now. Tribal is minutes away so for fuck's sake stick to the damn plan. And when he goes, we got some things to discuss

youtube

today was such a hot mess, first someone leaks the plan to vote jordan out, to jordan, first of all how DARE them because THEY BEAT ME TO IT......ok i dont know if i actually wouldve but i was considering spilling the beans which is why im surprised someone else did, as soon as this happens gorl MY messages were blowing up me and autumn messaged each other at the same time like BITCH DO YOU SEE THIS HASFDKJ but anywho it was actually sad, jordan gave me good tea in the game, so i did try and create a new plan to vote duncan out, because at first jordan wanted to do autumn but i said i didnt want to do that now, maybe eventually, but not now. She helped me win the immunity so i think she genuinely wants to work with me at least for now, but im no dummy i know she's a huge threat, and im well aware that's a move that ill eventually most likely need to make even though she is easily my favorite person to talk to next to augusto/devon/amir/jakey just on like personal levels, but.... ask jakey, im loyal as long as youre not a threat to me, but the minute you become a threat, their aint no team in i ... or whatever the saying is, but yeah i said no to autumn NOW, and i said if you want me to vote with you, help me get the votes to get DUNCAN since i know he's playing everyone and targetting me directly... it almost worked, but jordan making some of the other people feel some type of way hurt him and my chances of pulling this off because in the end i couldnt risk making that move without some of those people on board because i wouldnt want to sever my loyalties to them let alone blindside them (just yet at least), and that would have also forced me on a side with tj and kendall whom i just havent completely clicked with in the game nothing against them tho, but we'll see if im next out then i deserve it for not making a move i just hope i have time to make my move still i think im doing maybe decent at trying to recover from the stupidest move of the game thus far being my POORLY thought out lie, me always quoting sandra "ill lie, but ill make up a GOOD lie.." in my head 24/7 really did not come through on that one... but anywho, devon has told me some piping hot tea, that he has the extra vote, ali has since he told me he has the nullifier, even kendall has made amends with me and ive never had a true problem with anyone personally but kendall was against me strategically and i think on call we at least cleaned the slate for now? ill probably still vote her out next round but at least i wont feel as bad but duncan....oh duncan, sweet duncan, while i adore you as a person, i dont adore you lying right to my face when i straight up asked if you wanted me out originally, when both jordan AND autumn have told me what you been up to sis.... ask my fellow beautys i can hold a grudge so dont poke the bear! and not only that but i will start plotting getting you out and that's 100% the move i want to make next if i have any say in it. Because i think everyone sees now that he's trying to play everyone and recover from his own foolish move of getting exposed from his alliance... so now that i cant believe a word you say, you can no longer believe a word i say! We can keep chatting it up and acting like bestie boos and i do genuinely like him, but from a game point his usefulness has run up. but who knows, im just the local town fool to these people, which is fine because at least i can acknowledge i am but ill probably just be voted out next fajdsk especially if my theory about duncan/jakey being in kahoots is true but guess we'll see

Okayyyyy soooo I have been socializing! It's pretty hit or miss! Ali and I talked briefly in the morning he showed me his doggo, she was absolutely precious. 10 out of 10 lost beauty tribe member will sacrifice my game for her. I talked it out with Jakey, while I don't trust him as far as I can throw him, I feel better about our relationship. Like I said I have better things to do then hate someone because of a game and I feel better knowing that he doesn't hate me on a personal level and vice versa. My call with Duncan was very informative. Turns out Scott and Duncan were the duo rather than Autumn and Duncan and the entire Devon situation wasn't as convolutedly stupid as I had initially thought. Devon I'm so sorry I called you stupid many times in these confessionals I meant it affectionally but I guess you really aren't lol. I am so sorry you are not stupid maybe game botty but you aren't dumb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He also agreed to work with us, I don't know if that means he's going to vote out a Brawn this round but he will probably keep me around if only for a spare vote. I tried messaging Liam to see if we can call... he hasn't message me back. It's been day... goddamnit Liam... Adam has been talking smack about me, Augusto, and Amir. Which fair enough I guess, we did try to kill him early in the game. But between us and the NuHathor, you'd think we'd be the better option to work with? Idk, Duncan said he'd talk to him but I don't hold out too much hope. I like talking to TJ quite a bit, he reminds me of Jimmy from Malaysia. He's pretty quick witted and a fun conversationalist. God I miss Jimmy :(. If worst comes to worse I really hope my fantastic personality will help me get out of this shit hole.

#BackWithVengeance

0 notes

eggroll-sushi · 7 years

Note

1-150 ask mem

first of all, fuc k yoou

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

my mom??

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

outgoing around friends

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

4. Are you easy to get along with?

i dont know, ive heard that no one really hates me but like i find it difficult to find someone who i actually enjoy talking to

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

i dont really have any interest in anyone rn so... yes? id take care of myself

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

so far everyone that ive liked is a either a nerd or a pretty shitty person so like ,

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

in what way?? idk im still thinking of this oe guy he had his pants pulled up pretty high with a tight belt on and a big nose. im not thinking in a romantic way or anything i just... it was a weird combination. . ..his hair was ok i guess

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

uh yeah if its not in the brash or crude humor way

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

you

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“probably”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

killer - bastille, yeah i dont have any others that stand out particularly

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

i have curly hair so we just both suffer if they try running their hands through... but if i had a romantic s/o i probably wouldnt mind bein petted

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

yes? i think so

15. What good thing happened this summer?

i hung out with friends a lot.. .i think i dont remember

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

yeah i lovemy mom

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

scary either way.. but the universe is pretty big so i guess

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

not really theyre an asshole mostly

19. Do you like bubble baths?

i havent taken a bath in like 4 years.. but yes

20. Do you like your neighbors?

we do not talk

21. What are you bad habits?

being rude and disrespectful and aggressive

22. Where would you like to travel?

europe.. japan.. idk

23. Do you have trust issues?

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

sleeping and eating

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

i really dont know.. its like an all around tie.. .

26. What do you do when you wake up?

brush teeth and wash face, change into outside wear if im going outside, lotion my face and put on mascara, make tea/breakfast

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

overall just smoother.. like a more even tone.. but darker i guess

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

y ou

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

ive dated.. once but i didn’t even like the guy.. i just said yes because it was like. .mmkfkucin 5th grade and then he broke up with me (i didnt care tbh) and then asked me back?? it was weird because he told me he was breaking up because he found.. someone hotter or something and they said if he dumped me they would date him and they didnt.. .it was wild tbh i dont really know why they did this it was like 6th grade. ......... ... .anyways

30. Do you ever want to get married?

theoretically, yes? but idk it seems exhausting and i cant grasp the concept of someone actually liking me for so long

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yes

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

fuck i dont know i dont really think about that buds

33. Spell your name with your chin.

gthhju-asnhhy

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

no unless robotics counts

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

yes

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

i just try to do something funny

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

nice, a kind person, likeable, liberal, ,

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

tjmaxx, marshalls, burlington. i go stright to that mf clearance section

40. What do you want to do after high school?

perferably die, but thats unlikely so i wanna go into a good college, make friends, get a decent job

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

my mind says yes but my heart says no

42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean?

1) tired 2) mad 3) i cant/dont wanna make conversation 4) im just .. zoned out

43. Do you smile at strangers?

if they smile first

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

im fucking terrified of both

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

i have to go to school or i feel like shit

46. What are you paranoid about?

every time im disrespectful, aggressive, or really any action that i make

47. Have you ever been high?

48. Have you ever been drunk?

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

sure

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

it was a brownish orange (a coat with a hood)

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

give myself a massive sponge dick

53. Favourite makeup brand?

i dont really wear makeup.. i like ChapStick

54. Favourite store?

tjmaxx

55. Favourite blog?

@eggroll-sushi

56. Favourite colour?

orange? either a peachy orange or a borwnish orange. but i can appreciate a good palette

57. Favourite food?

id say pho but i like a lot of foods

58. Last thing you ate?

oreos and milk

59. First thing you ate this morning?

blueberry english muffin with honey butter

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

recently my team won a robotics comp

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

62. Been arrested? For what?

jesus no

63. Ever been in love?

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

well ... my mo was telling me goonight-- (i havent had one)

65. Are you hungry right now?

yeah

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

my tungle friends are also my irl friends

67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter (i dont use either)

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr? i hate it tho

69. Are you watching tv right now?

n o

70. Names of your bestfriends?

you know who

71. Craving something? What?

food.. savory junk food........olives, nachos, ,,

72. What colour are your towels?

white

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

two, but i have 3 on my bed

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

i just keep em on my bed yeah

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

4 on my bed (god bless your soul, okoshi, wherever you are) but like.. 10 total?

75. Favourite animal?

cat but i also like most animals

76. What colour is your underwear?

its currently gray

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

dark chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

blue moon

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

black with white text

80. What colour pants?

shades of gray

81. Favourite tv show?

su? i dont really watch any others

82. Favourite movie?

the man from uncle movie/ kingsman

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls?

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls i guess

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

idk

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

starfish

87. First person you talked to today?

mom

88. Last person you talked to today?

you

89. Name a person you hate?

protein shake (jk)

90. Name a person you love?

my mother

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

maybe

92. In a fight with someone?

im constantly in a fight

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

one

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

many, over 10

95. Last movie you watched?

Logan

96. Favourite actress?

janelle monae always looks stunning

97. Favourite actor?

uhhhhhhhhh dwayne is a friend

98. Do you tan a lot?

yes?

99. Have any pets?

100. How are you feeling?

sick

101. Do you type fast?

not really

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

yes

103. Can you spell well?

yeah i guess

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

yeah i suppose

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

i went on a camping enrichment?

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

no?

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yeah

108. What should you be doing?

studying for histry quiz

109. Is something irritating you right now?

yes

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

no?

111. Do you have trust issues?

im pretty sure this was already asked

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

mom?

113. What was your childhood nickname?

ass (im still a kid, right?)

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yes

115. Do you play the Wii?

when someone has one

116. Are you listening to music right now?

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yes

118. Do you like Chinese food?

yes

119. Favourite book?

harry potteR?

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

yes

121. Are you mean?

yes

122. Is cheating ever okay?

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

no. once i stepped in a massive puddle and got wet like halfway up my calf

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

125. Do you believe in true love?

n..yes?

126. Are you currently bored?

yes

127. What makes you happy?

friends, having a good time, making people laugh

128. Would you change your name?

129. What your zodiac sign?

scorpio

130. Do you like subway?

yeah

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

we would both suffer

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

you (this is a repeat again)

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

134. Can you count to one million?

i could, yes

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

bro idk

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed

137. How tall are you?

5′4″?

138. Curly or Straight hair?

i have curly hair

139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette

140. Summer or Winter?

summer

141. Night or Day?

cant choose

142. Favourite month?

november

143. Are you a vegetarian?

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

dark

145. Tea or Coffee?

tea

146. Was today a good day?

eh i guess

147. Mars or Snickers?

mars

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“you’re like shaggy from scooby doo; always alone”

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yes? im scared of them so

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“’You will blow your eyes out,’ said Nwoye’s mother...” (Things Fall Apart)

#captaincreashion

2 notes · View notes