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#but i dont waste my time trashing on it?? i commented on what i liked as i watched it
infizero · 1 month
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why is everyone so negative and mean all the time. what happened to the love in your hearts
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asirensrage · 9 months
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Bestie you can't write as well as you think you can
Also your response to that request was really nasty. They just wanted a fiction and you could have just said yes or no. You didn't need to start lecturing them. Nobody is asking you to write fanfiction. You write it because you want to and people ask for requests because they want to. Nobody can get paid for it so stop acting as if it s a huge problem if some one requests a fiction.
All because they have a blank blog? Maybe they reblogged it to a sideblog but you're so on your',re high horse you dont think of it. Also just generally you can't bring community to a reader by lecturing them. You're just going to make them do the opposite. I don't have problem with blank blogs or people liking my writing because maybe they like it to read later. I don't know what the problem is.
You call yourself a vending machine and be rude to readers because we don't meet your specific needs. Nobody asks you to write. Be grateful people are reading your trash and are actually asking you for fiction because a lot of people don't get an audience as it is.
I think you are deluded because you have an audience and it's quite high and you have a high opinion of your writing that not everyone agrees with but okay. People shouldn't request things from you or read it b cause too many people like on here like you demanding so much from the reader
I just want to read stories that is all. I don't want to waste my time with other stuff. You write. We read. You don't want to write a request say no. It's not hard. Just stop making up all these rules we have to follow.
I love that you come into this calling me “bestie” and straight up insulting me in the same line.
Babes, lbh, I write better than I think I can because like many I stare at my writing and go over it too often that it doesn’t seem new or interesting to me. I still manage to surprise myself with some of the lines I write though.
My response to that request wasn’t nasty or rude. I laid out the facts as I saw them and responded accordingly. As I said in the reply, the choice to have a blank blog is a personal preference, as is mine to decline the request and block blank blogs as I see fit. I didn’t lecture, because if I did, I’d come back with stats to prove my points. In terms of them possibly reblogging it to a sideblog, the fic they mention in the ask has only been reblogged by two other people, both of them long before the asker ever liked the original fic and sent the request.
Just because you don’t have a problem with blank blogs or likes, doesn’t mean that everyone shares that opinion. Fandom is supposed to be a community of people enjoying the same things. In order to create that, there has to be actual communication between people.
You’re right that no one’s asking me to write fanfic. I do it because I enjoy it, but just because we don’t get paid to write it doesn’t mean that it grants permission to people to treat us like an endless source of production without offering anything in return. It’s a two-way street. If people want to only consume and not offer feedback or at the least a reblog, they can go elsewhere. I know you’re young, you probably weren’t around years ago when fandom on here was different. You don’t understand how engagement has dropped and yet demand has increased. Just as you’re not obligated to reblog or comment on people’s works, we’re not obligated to write or even share any of it. Fic writers do this in their own free time and for their own enjoyment. Personally, I think readers should be grateful that we even share what we create.
Which brings me to this hilarious contradiction in your ask. “Be grateful people are reading your trash” and “I just want to read stories that is all.” If my writing was trash, people wouldn’t be reading it nor would I get requests for more. You wouldn’t be here complaining about my “high audience”. Let me make something clear, it’s not a matter of being ungrateful for my readers. I love all of them, especially the people who continue to encourage me. But that does not excuse the behaviour you’re displaying here or that others have shown to other authors. There are no rules. As I said before, it’s a personal preference of mine, but there is a relationship between authors and readers. And as in any relationship, when things are this one-sided, it’s a good time to set boundaries and cut ties if needed.
Finally, “I just want to read stories that is all. I don't want to waste my time with other stuff. You write. We read." You think clicking a button to reblog something is wasting your time? Or commenting on the post, in the reblog or in your tags about if you enjoyed it? It’s the easiest thing to do, especially on mobile when you can just do a fast reblog.
How about this, if you don’t want to waste your time, don’t waste ours. Stop reading fanfic, especially mine, because you sound like a dick.
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astranne · 2 years
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I just looked at your xiao brainrot list and cracked the hardest smile ever. I did not know i was the stone for so many things
But aaaaaaaanyways im in a brainrot mood 🙏 so! PG!Xiao making a comeback
I dont know much about Valorant, because mainly id cry if someone yelled at me but PG!Xiao would 100% get pissed if someone isn't carrying their weight in the match or trash talking on mic and STILL low on the board. Atp PG!Xiao and like two other people are carrying.
PG!Xiao in a CoD match? Id leave so fast. Immediately. I can see him being insanely good with close quarters. He probably always ranks at the leaderboard. Bro got a badge of damn honor for the amoubt of wins he has
Him in a fortnite match? He says "he doesnt take fortnite serious because of the kids and wanna go easy" till hes the last one alive and he's clenching his mouse and practically stopped breathing to focus on winning. I can, without a doubt see him always running solo natches no matter what. And he limits himself on what he buys because "its a stupid game ill delete it later" and "its a waste of money" then buys the newest pickaxe skin.
Pg!Xiao in minecraft. (The screech made me laugh) He would 100% have a hardcore world thats NEARLY on par with PhilZa's. He respects that man too much to actually showoff his building skills and calls it an insult to humanity when someone compares him to Phil. Forbid you say hes better than Phil hes immediately chewing them out.
PG!Xiao on DreamSMP? I haven't been caught up with that in like a good year honeslty, but ill use what i know. Xiao would 100% have underground tunnels connecting to important places and such. He probably knows everything that goes on, on and off streams. Bro's usually spotted in the background just watching with his stream off which makes it creepier (he claims to see how good they are at pvp and if they can even fight him). For the MCC Championship. God he treats it so casually. Hes calm and collected but each time hes first somewhere hes dying inside because he's mortified of the expectations.
Horror game? Oh my god, he collapses when Hu Tao mentions a game and tells him to stream it ("Xiao itll be funny if you scream like you that time-" "It was one time!") she drags Childe along (the fans loving named them the Ragdoll Trio because Childe practically looses his voice when he screams at a jumpscare, Hu Tao laughs so loud, and Xiao inching around every corner) and makes it worse.
PG!Xiao with his setup tho? Probably green and light blue hues? Ik. If Xiao was a faceless streamer his entire fanbase would LOVE his yaksha mask and he secretly adores it when younger fans makes him fanart. (Dont tell anyone but when they send him fanart he keeps it on a wal behind his camera/monitor so his fans wont see it and he can always feel motivated)
Also, the hater thing? Xiao's fans would absolutely without a single doubt turn from the sweetest most welcoming fans into the most rude and vile fandom on a drop of a hat. Even Xiao gets surprised when drama is brought up within the community or with another because his fans are so... a word doesnt describe how he feels when he sees them ripping apart someone for saying he cant beat a certain streamer (the tiktok comment ratio to likes is always reaching a thousand or more)
-🪶(if i spelt anything wrong my bad its 5am where i live🫶)
damn, fischl anon blessing us again-
as always, more under the cut <3
pg!xiao just hits different. just yeah-always happy he's making a comeback lmao xD
actually, i don't know much about valorant either, but i know xiao would carry his team. and yes, you are totally right- if someone is being an ass, you bet xiao will not hold back. not when his rank is at risk lmao
xiao in CoD is a monster (he's actually a monster in any game he touches but especially CoD). you bet he's actually first known for that, like the really geeky gamers just watch his CoD streams to watch him play and try and get some tips. but then they notice how he slays literally everywhere else and suddenly they are his fans <33
and i don't know much about CoD either, but you bet he's probably one of the best known players there. once you see his name pop up, you know you're fucked
xiao plays fortnite just to spite the kids <3. he will buy all skins to spite all the little brats there <3 he will be the last man standing just to spite everyone <3 and no one can convince him to stop. just- spiteful!xiao-
my days of watching minecraft streamers goes waaay back, so i don't know that many, but even i know the legend. so does xiao. and xiao looks up to this man, i can't even. all of his fans are also PhilZa fans, just because. if you stand xiao, you stan his idols too. many pray for a collab, or just the two of them playing together, but they still have to pray.
i must admit- i know just the barest scraps about DreamSMP. i don't really follow many youtubers, i don't have the time for that even tho i wish i would have. but yes- xiao is all knowing. they actually fear him, since he's so calm and just... so chill?? it doesn't help he's an absolute monster but yeah-
it's actually his fans and mods who snitch to him where everyone is. he has a team of spies (because yes he has) and they have mod roles, but are actually not mods. this helps him when he reads the full chat he always has to get his information. but sometimes it's still too fast and they just,,, spill everything in his discord server, probably whispering in vc where his enemies are. it's the best guarded secret in his fandom, you bet his fans will get feral when someone tries to spill.
RAGDOLL TRIO, RAGDOLL TRIO- yes. the one and only trio. everytime he streams with them, he always reaches super high numbers and those best of moments videos on youtube always gain millions of viewers. hu tao is super proud of that and always reposts them, while childe probably owns one of the most known fan accounts of the ragdoll trio. he just loves to edit himself <3
also, xiao is blessed with his fans. he feels so honored how they defend him but actually kind of fears them too lmao. he just prays he will never make them mad. (xiao darling, you could never-)
OKAY THAT'S IT- aaahh this was so fun?? thank you sm for sending your thoughts my dear anon <33 maybe one day i will write gamer!xiao fr. maybe when my askbox is no longer so full-
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marieskey · 1 year
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Once again life has changed soooo much. I’m fighting homelessness again. YAY! the key word being fighting. As long as we have the time, things will be okay. I believe God will give us the time we need to accomplish what needs to be done. 2022 was hard. It made me realize I need to get my life together become a real adult and leave my parents house. Everything that happened to me happened because I lived with my parents... In 2023 I will work back towards being more independent and debt free.  
This with him has not changed well they have and they have not. I pray for better times, but I am exhausted again. Its heart breaking that he made that decision. I hope and pray he is able to make another choice
Soooo I got drunk and texted Jeff last Friday just on some friend shit...He texted me back Saturday. We went to the movies Sunday. I’ve seen Wakanda for Ever, but I lied. He probably has the same amount of Money he had in college but he paid for everything brought his friend so he could get the employee discount...🤷‍♂️.  Aside from the struggle  It was nice to want to be seen. I’m a simple person, show me you want me around. He was apparently disappointed I didn’t come last time. I don’t believe I’ve ever talked to him when he was sober. IF he has tried to have sex with you I would have did it, but he didn’t try. Which was good because apparently I was ovulating and I have a knack for having raw sex  even tho I shouldn’t smh. Unlike the last time we hung out and just talked, 100 years ago, I didn’t leave thinking, well I didn’t leave last time, but I didn’t leave thinking he didn’t want me. More like he was  trying to be respectful.. lol. It was fun I supposed. I’d do it again. Honestly I’d fuck, and ghost for a bit bc I can can’t get attached to anyone in that way. Out of all the sexual shit I’ve done its only been with the same person once. WHICH IS SO BAD but I like it that way. Jeff could potentially be the first person I had sex with more than 3 times. 😂 WHICH IS SO BAD. Like seriously. A part of me of like let that situation go bc if you fuck around and get pregnant how do you explain that. The other part of me wonders if the effort translates into orgasm b/c its been so long and if my first time after a long time is trash, its lowkey gonna be a waste of time.😂 There has been no penetration, and I’m lowkey ashamed that distinct has to be made, in 7 years...... Sometimes I just want to sit on something to get it over with. But I dont want to be anymore pressed about him than I am bc where as I’m not PRESSED I am a bit pressed. Was shaded about it and I couldn’t say nothing but “really” but when I checked my socials it was true. Erica made the comment that she knew I was having fun when I didn’t say anything else for the rest of the night. 
Well thats the update I’m apparently going to make. Good night. 
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meyhew · 4 years
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#okay so like. i wasnt gonna say anything else on this bc im sick of the discourse but people are getting real fucking bold#and i've seen one certain blog's post pop up on my dash twice and i am. hm :)#with all due respect but shut the fuck up about liam and niall sabotaging louis or whatever the fuck you think they did#They Are Friends Who Can Joke About Each Other#and because yall seem to have selective hearing: niall said he did the same fucking thing as louis the day before#but yeah no of course he was just calling louis a chain smoking alcoholic#like... do i think it was a funny joke? no i dont i hate smoking and i know louis' not sitting around drinking and smoking all day every day#but thats not what niall meant either bc he knows louis better than all of us and he knows that louis' a creative mind and a hard worker#hes not sitting at home wasting away during this time but friends can make a JOKE#its not on niall or liam that headlines are twisting and misinterpreting their words just like u guys are#and also? every single one of you being pissy about the louis headlines but were silent about the NASTY treatment liam got for months on end#can simply shut the fuck up kindly#if louis' really pissed about niall's comment u best believe he's already told him off#and if he's really pissed about the headlines he can easily tweet abt it like he's done in the past#idek where im going with this but just. stop acting like niam are hellbent on painting louis in a bad light when theyre BEST FRIENDS#like just. be quiet ok be upset about the nature of the joke if u want bc i didnt think it was funny either#but all this crying and whining ONLY when its about louis and staying mum when Someone Else is trashed....... shut up#louis has a team that could put out positive press if they wanted or louis himself could say something if he wanted#but anyways. i see that post from one more person and im unfollowing
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itsdanii · 3 years
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Ahhh, your rejecting and regretting series is so good, my heart 🥺❤️ Can you do another one but with kuroo and kenma? You can ignore this request if you don’t wanna do it, I love your writing style and your blog! Stay safe and have a good day! 💞💞
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Hey, bub! Thank you so much for the kind words, I appreciate it ♥️ I hope you don't mind me doing this only for Kenma. I got carried away so it got quite longer than I intended 🤦‍♀️ Anyway, here's your request! I hope you like it ♥️ Have a good day, stay safe and hydrated! Mwah!
a/n: read the note on the last part.
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Rejecting and Regretting 6
genre: angst to fluff
warning/s: cursing, do message me if i missed any
a/n: please do read the warnings before you proceed. warnings have been put there for a reason.
ft. timeskip!kenma kozume
title says it all
Masterlist | Updates
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Kenma Kozume
When you moved in to your apartment, you never expected your neighbor to be THE Kenma Kozume
If truth be told, you've been a fan of his ever since he started streaming
You knew that he didn't know you nor would he pay attention to you so you did not bother telling him that you were a big fan - the first one to always comment when he starts streaming
Not only did you think that it may make him uncomfortable but also make him feel like you were only trying to befriend him for his reputation
One night, as you were coming back from a short trip to the grocery store, you were walking with your earphones in and nose pointed on the screen while rewatching one of his videos
What you didn't know was that Kenma was walking behind you and was actually staring as you smiled and giggled while watching
You almost squealed when a hand came on your shoulder, almost punching the person behind you
Oddly, that was the starting point of your friendship
Although Kenma was hesitant at first (duh, you almost punched him) , he slowly eased when he felt that you were genuine
You basically went from neighbors to roommates because of how often you went to his unit, just playing random games and having occasional sleepovers
It wasn't long then when you realized that your "fangirling" towards the streamer developed into something more
You realized that you were no longer looking at him as the Kodzuken of the gaming world but just Kenma Kozume
You knew that you were fucked and thus you tried hiding it, but no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't
So you came up with a solution - confess. You decided that you would take the leap, confess, and hope that everything would turn out well, not knowing that it was only one sided
You shifted from one foot to another as you waited for Kenma to open the door of his unit.
Earlier, you both planned another sleepover and you took the initiative to cook dinner for the two of you instead of ordering another takeout.
As you waited, you could feel your stomach grumbling as the scent of the freshly baked sushi wafted in the air.
To be honest, you weren't really a good cook but you taught yourself how to with the help of youtube and cookbooks. You weren't even planning on learning how to do it but you were getting bored of takeouts, plus, you also wanted to impress Kenma even for a bit.
When the door finally opened, you smiled widely at Kenma while showing the food you made.
"Told you to not bother knocking and just make your way inside," he muttered before taking the pan from you and letting you in.
"Unlike you, I have my manners, Kozume," you playfully said as you plopped yourself on the couch head first.
Hearing him mumbling something under his breath as he arranged the table, you propped your elbow on the couch to watch him with a small pout playing on your lips. Your eyes followed his every movement and you couldn't help but question how someone could look so perfect.
His hair was a mess in a half bun and he was wearing nothing fancy, just his old sweatpants and a hoodie. Despite that, he still managed to look like a model, specifically those who preferred the "woke up like this" look.
"Y/n, are you going to eat or not?"
You blinked your eyes when you noticed the frown plastered on Kenma's face. Immediately, you stood up and walked over to the table with a small blush on your cheeks after being caught daydreaming.
"Sorry," you said sheepishly.
Kenma's apartment was then filled with the sounds of utensils clanking and small conversations the two of you were sharing.
Even though it seemed like Kenma wasn't paying attention, you knew that he was listening. You were aware of how much he preferred listening and observing more than talking anyway. It's just that you wished that he would talk more around you.
Somewhere in your conversation, you tried hinting your feelings towards him. In fact, you think that it was pretty obvious, but it seemed like Kenma didn't notice - that or he was purposely avoiding to indulge you.
"Getting in a relationship with a fan isn't boring you know? It actually sounds exciting, to be honest."
At that, Kenma heaved a sigh which instinctively made you shut up.
His eyes were already casted on the food infront of him instead of you,  eyebrows furrowed as if he was suddenly put in a bad mood. "I dont... really like this topic," Kenma said with a dismissive tone.
You felt your heart drop upon hearing that.
You've already practiced your confession several times and there was no way you'd let such words discourage you that easily. All you knew was that you had to get it out of your chest - now or never.
You placed your utensils down and looked at him straight in the eye despite him trying to avoid your gaze. "Why not, Kozume?" you asked, trying to push him to talk.
"I just don't see the point. Why would you want to date your fan? That's... weird," he simply answered, "What if they don't really like you? There's a high chance that a fan would date their idols because of popularity and fame. It's nothing but a self satisfaction."
"Hmm... I guess you do have a point," you said with a nod.
Placing your elbow on top of the table, chin resting on your palm, you pointed at yourself with your free hand which made Kenma look at you with one eyebrow raised. "Then what if it's me who wants to date you? Im a fan of yours, after all. Would you also reject me?" you asked hopefully.
Without wasting any second, Kenma answered, "Of course. Why would I date you?"
You didn't know how to react upon hearing that. You wanted to believe that he was trying to tease you but there weren't any signs of that from the tone of his voice. Moreover, he had nothing but a serious expression on his face.
"Because I like you," you answered with a low voice.
That simple phrase caused the silence to enevelope the two of you. The anticipation made your hands feel clammy to the point that you had to let go of your utensils to grip the sweatpants your were wearing.
Silently, you stared at each other as if waiting for the other person to break the silence - until Kenma did.
"Well, I don't." Standing up, Kenma took his plate and placed it on the sink, his back turned against you as he continued, "I think I'm going to stream for a bit. Make yourself comfortable."
You stared at Kenma as he made his way to his room wordlessly. "Make myself comfortable? Just who the fuck would say that after rejecting someone?" you muttered under your breath.
Knowing that it would be pointless to distract him while streaming, you started to clean the table and proceeded on washing the plates. As you were doing so, you whispered a curse when a tear suddenly slid down your cheeks.
You weren't supposed to cry. You prepared for this so you should've been able to take the rejection properly, right? He was Kenma Kozume after all. Although you became close with each other, it seemed as if he was really beyond your reach.
And now you ruined the only thing keeping you close to him - your friendship.
You decided to leave his unit after that. You felt that proceeding with the sleepover would only put a tense atmosphere between the two of you. Moreover, he did shut you out, right? Though he told you to make yourself comfortable, the way he acted said otherwise.
Maybe he only said it not to hurt your feelings.
"As if he hadn't already," you murmured, shutting and locking the door behind you.
In hopes of cheering yourself up, you decided to take a warm shower and pamper yourself to he point that skincare products basically littered your vanity when you finished and don't forget the fact that you ended up smelling like a strawberry because of your bodywash.
By the time you went to bed, you were feeling a little better... or were you?
As you laid on your bed, staring at the wall beside you while hugging a pillow close to your chest, your mind suddenly went back to what happened awhile ago.
You thought of how dismissive he seemed towards you. He wasn't always like that. Kenma had always been enthusiastic when you're around. Sometimes you would even end up watching beside him as he streams.
What changed?
Groaning, you buried your face on your pillow when you felt yourself tearing up once again. "Tomorrow will be better," you mumbled against the soft material as you slowly allowed yourself to fall asleep.
It didn't.
In fact, it got worse.
Not only was Kenma avoiding you, he was also acting as if he didn't know you - as if you didn't exist.
Earlier this morning when you were taking the trash out, you waved at him in hopes of lightening up the mood, but instead of usually greeting you, Kenma didn't even spare you a glance. He basically walked pass you without saying anything.
At first, you thought that maybe he didn't see you. Maybe his mind was elsewhere while walking. That could be possible right?
But when it continued for several more days, you realized that he was indeed avoiding you.
You felt a mixture of pain and anger. You were supposed to be the one avoiding him since it was him who rejected you but why was it the other way around? He could've atleast talked to you, let alone smile. Did he not value even just your friendship?
As the days went on, you were slowly getting tired of being the only one to put effort on rekindling your relationship. It was exhausting to keep on chasing over someone who didn't even acknowledged you.
Maybe you were just a bother to him after all.
So despite your will to keep on getting his attention, you decided to stop. If he didn't want you then so be it. You already confessed and did your best to show him that you're genuine. That's all that matters.
-
Kenma stared at your door beside his intensely, hand mid-air to turn the knob of his own unit.
It had been two weeks since he last saw you and for the third time of the day, he was yet again met with nothing but silence when he tried knocking on your door.
Where were you?
He knew that how he acted towards you was unreasonable but he didn't expected himself to wake up feeling like shit everyday without seeing you. He did this. He pushed you away. He said he didn't like you, right?
Groaning frustratedly, Kenma entered his unit, heading straight to his streaming room to cool off his head. If he couldn't see you personally, then perhaps he could at least see your name on his viewers.
He knew you always watched his stream and how you would always be the first to comment. Sometimes, you would even donate a huge amount of cash as a tip even though you always complained about being broke.
"They're not watching?" Kenma said unconsciously as he noticed how your name wasn't on the list.
That instantly caused a ruckus in his stream's comment section. Several fans kept on asking who Kodzuken was referring to and some even got the right answer since he streamed with you several times already.
But instead of saying anything, Kenma stayed silent. He focused on his game, occasionally shifting his eyes to the comment section and interacting with his fans.
His eyes, however, caught one comment. It was a link with the caption "Isn't this y/n?". Out of curiosity, Kenma decided to check it, finding out that you were indeed the person in the video.
No, it wasn't a video. It was a live stream of someone like him - a player.
And there you were, seated beside the unfamiliar person with a fluffy blanket wrapped around your body and your your head resting on their shoulder.
Who was that and why did you look too comfy?
"Sorry, guys. I'll have to end the stream now. Something important came up," Kenma said with a small wave before ending his stream.
Stalking the other streamer's socials, Kenma frowned upon noticing several pictures of you attached in their instagram. They were even posted just a few days ago which meant that you must've been spending time with them throughout the days you weren't at home.
Something stirred inside Kenma. It was an unpleasant feeling blooming inside his chest, clawing at him and making him realize one important thing.
He was in love with you.
And it was only confirmed when he remembered how nervous he was when you confessed, how scared he was when he heard the door shutting after he rejected you, and how stupid he was for only realizing it now.
"Shit," he whispered to himself as he quickly tapped on his phone, his finger hovering over your number, debating wether or not should he dial.
Suddenly, he shifted his gaze on the monitor of his pc which was still displaying the unfamiliar streamer when he noticed how you snuggled closer to their side.
Muttering anther curse, Kenma clicked on your number, his eyes focused on the montior of his laptop as he watched you picking up your phone.
"Please pick up," he pleaded when he noticed the frown on your face.
It took him a full 5 minutes and several dials to finally make you give in. He watched as you whispered something on the person beside you before making your way out of the room.
On cue, your voice suddenly met his ear.
"Kozume?"
It was still as soft as he could remember and with the fact that he finally admitted his feelings, his cheeks burned when he felt his heart racing.
Say it. Say it.
Say you like her.
"I-" pausing for a moment to rethink his words, Kenma sighed deeply before answering, "I'm sorry for being mean."
Fuck.
He was met with silence from the other side and for a moment, he got scared that you dropped the call.
It was until he heard some rustling sound that he realized you were still there and was purposely trying to stay quiet.
"Can we talk about this in person?" you said with a tiny voice.
Out of panic, Kenma nodded, forgetting that he was ralking to you over the phone and not in person. Mentally smacking himself, he answered, "Yes. I'd prefer that."
And I'd prefer if you're here instead of that caveman's room.
"Then, I'll be there in 20."
-
The moment Kenma heard someone knocking, he was quick to open the door.
His lips basically parted at the sight of you. It was only two weeks and yet why did it felt like he hadn't seen you in a month?
"Kozu-"
"I'm sorry," he cut you off, arms wrapping around you as soon as you stepped inside his apartment.
He felt how your body became stiff in his hold and without wasting any chance, he poured everything out. "I'm sorry for how I acted towards you. I treated you as if you were the last person I wanted to be with and when I didn't see you for several days, I realized how much I hurt your feelings." He took a deep breath, eyes focusing on you as he gripped your shoulders slightly. "Forgive me? I promise that I'll make it up to you."
Kenma hoped that you could notice the genuineness in his voice. He wasn't the type of person to talk too much but for you, he'd do it if it means having you forgive him and give him another chance.
"It's... alright, Kozume," you answered with a small smile.
"It's alright?" Kenma asked slowly. He knew that he should be happy that you forgave him easily but the way you said it made it seem like you were only forcing yourself.
It's like you didn't mean it.
"W-what do you mean it's alright?" he repeated.
"It means exactly what it means. I don't really see the point of holding a grudge against you, you know? You rejected me and I accepted it." Shrugging your shoulders, you walked pass him and went to sit on the couch. "I guess I just got too ahead of myself. I mean, you're Kenma Kozume, the Kodzuken of the gaming world. It would be impossible for you to like me, right? Sorry if I made you uncomfortable with my confession."
Kenma swallowed the lump forming inside his throat, eyes darting away from your figure as he shook his head no. "No... That's not true."
"What do yo-"
"I like you. How could you ever think that low of yourself?" he said, finally looking at you before he walking towards your direction. "It's not Kodzuken to you, y/n. Kozume - just Kozume. I don't want you to think that I'm someone all high and mighty just because people acknowledge me. I don't care about that. I want you. I want you to look at me the same way you did before. I want you to keep on clinging to me and to keep on cooking for me despite not knowing how to. I want you to like me again. I just want you.."
You felt your eyes well up with tears. After a long time of pining over someone you thought you wouldn't be able to reach, it was finally here - the moment you finally manage to hear the words you've longed to hear from him.
"D-do you mean that?" you asked with a small sob, your hand covering your face as you felt yourself being lifted and placed on Kenma's lap. "What if you're only saying that to make me feel better?"
"Of course I mean it. I was too stupid being scared of acknowledging my feelings towards you that I ended up rejecting you. I'm sorry." Gently, Kenma rubbed your back as he kept you in his arms, words of apologies continue slipping past his lips as he waited for you to stop crying.
"If I told you I still like you, would you promise not to treat me like shit again?" you asked while wiping your cheek with the back of your hand. "You were really mean to me, Kozu."
"I'd promise," Kenma answered with a nod.
Looking at him, you sniffled one more time. "Then I still like you," you said without taking your eyes off him.
You didn't fail to notice how Kenma's cheeks turned a lighter shade of red and the thought of how he got more flustered by your second confession than the fact that you were seated on his lap made you smile a little.
"Oh," Kenma uttered, as if suddenly not knowing how to react.
"You're supoosed to kiss me like those cliche movies," you said while encircling your arms around his neck.
Kenma's blushed even deeper after hearing that. Gulping, he gave a stiff nod before leaning in and finally planting his lips on yours.
His lips were soft against yours. Despite how tense he was at the beginning, he slowly managed to relax, fingers interlocking with your hair as he kept on moving his lips in synch with yours, both of your eyes closed as you savored the moment.
You felt yourself smiling in your kiss as you realized something - no longer were you just a fan but his s/o.
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If you're reading this, hello.
I've decided that this will be the last part of the rejecting and regretting series. Though I had a lot of fun writing these, I'm no longer satisfied with how I'm writing them. The scenes were slowly becoming repetitive as well as the words. I'm craving for something new- something fresh that I've yet to explore. It was quite overwhelming how much people loved this series and I'm very thankful for that so I feel a little bad that this would be the last one. Don't worry, I still have some stuff brewing up that I hope you'd all enjoy.
Thank you so much for the love, support, and most importantly, for reading the series up until this last one. ♥️
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Okay like. This. I’m gonna be straight up honest here and it might hurt some feelings but I just gotta. This.
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I absolutely fucking HATE this. Any variation of it. If it just says ‘kudos’, if it is just ‘💜’ I absolutely hate this kind of comment. I want to block people when they do this.
Because you know what? It’s not a comment at all. It’s a lazy and half assed way to…I don’t know. Let the author know you read it? Keeps the story in some log for you? Like what’s the point? What do you get from doing this on fics? What do you get out of it? Because I’ll tell you, as the author - there answer is nothing. I get nothing from this.
In fact, 100% honestly, it ruins my day. It doesn’t tell me what you liked or why. It doesn’t tell me what emotion you felt. It feels like it’s being sent because you have to, that it’s a chore. You didn’t read what you did because you wanted to, because you HAD to. It feels like I’m getting a bunch of spam emails.
Even the annoying comment of ‘sequel please!’ Or ‘write more!!’ Which I also despise to my core, is better than this.
If this is all you’re going you’re going to do, why? It’s a waste of your time and mine. I get so excited when I get the email saying someone commented and it’s…this. That’s it.
The fic I posted the other day - I had tagged on ao3 ‘angst with a happy ending’ but forgot to tag that there were multiple chapters. One of my favorite comments was someone coming back with all caps yelling ‘omg no THIS WASNT A HAPPY ENDING.’ Because it at least gave me what they felt. That it meant something. (They later edited the comment to say ‘doesnt mean I didnt love it though’ which made me feel even better.)
Just. Oh my god please don’t do this. Don’t ever ever do this. Just hit the kudos button and leave if this is all you’re going to do. Don’t even do that if you don’t want. Read it and leave. That’s more valuable than…this trash.
EDIT: THIS IS A PERSONAL POST NOT A BLANKET STATEMENT FOR ANYONE. I also appreciate any comment, just like I appreciate any and all kudos bookmarks etc. so if you leave kudos dont feel obligated bullied into sending a comment too. I feel more love from a kudo or a bookmark that a comment that IN MY OPINION says nothing.
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wh6res · 3 years
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chase — renhyuck
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“needy kitty. i can’t wait for purge night.”
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tw bullying, violence, swearing, yandere themes, possessive themes, blood, weapons (a gun, a grenade), implied noncon, implied kidnapping, mentions of stalking
disc i dont condone this behavior
wc 5k
‏‏‎ ‎
29 hours before the annual purge
“hold her down—i said hold her down, idiot!”
putting everything into account, they saw you more like a glorified chew toy than an actual person. 
they ruined your life simultaneously and it's ironic, that despite being sworn rivals, it seems you were their neutral ground—after one has had their own fun, you’re passed on to the other person so they can deliver that final, shattering blow that weakens your resolve. 
it was meant to be that way because it had always been that way. you’re the unlucky loser that ignited the worse sides of both lee haechan and huang renjun. 
they’re like oil and water; they don’t mix but with you, they found a compromise. stealing your lunch money, trashing your homework, quickies in between lectures. all of these should’ve been enough to give them a good power trip. but they’ve developed a hunger so severe that these past instances are but mere crumbs that hardly satisfy their cravings. 
it was beyond exhausting, being caught in between two headstrong people that were unwilling to back down at any cost. their aggression and anger towards each other directly being channeled onto you as they shove and swing you around like some ragdoll. 
you weren’t a bunch of kids, you knew that. you don’t cry and sob and say that it’s unfair, you hold your chin high and walk up to the guidance counselor’s office to report them for bullying. but you never should’ve underestimated the power of money and their respective families’ broad network of connections. 
without a doubt, the empty promises for justice is what broke your heart the most. it breaks with every bruise, every tight grip, and every nasty name the people willingly turned a blind eye to. 
it’s sad but it was a reality you taught yourself to get used to—the meek mouse learning how to evade the cats hot on her trail. 
but you weren’t as lucky today. 
“i am holding her down.”
a pair of lips comes in contact with your neck. its feathery and light at first until its biting down to mark you with his teeth. not too strong to draw blood, but enough to dent the surface of the skin. 
haechan has an oral fixation. biting his lips. his nails. whenever you see him, he always has a lollipop on his mouth and if he doesn’t, he’s painting hickeys across your skin. you hated his oral fixation, especially when makeup and clothes proved useless to hide the marks he gives you. 
“why run?” renjun asks you, slipping his fingers underneath your skirt as he kneels. “you know you have nowhere to hide in the campus.”
haechan snorts. “or anywhere else.”
it’s always the same thing. you go to school. you sit in your first period for thirty minutes until one of them shows up. then the other boy probably felt a gut instinct that he’s missing out on the fun. last time, it was an empty classroom in the abandoned left wing. 
they like taking you there all the time, it was always dark, the blinds pulled and shut tight. not to mention it was incredibly dusty. but both male knew you’re afraid of the dark, exactly why it’s their favorite spot. but empty classrooms and supply closets are close seconds, too. 
“you’re so pathetic. useless—only know how to whine like a fucking pornstar,” he quickly comments, feeling you arch against him when renjun’s tongue comes in contact with the pearl between your legs. “my cumdump.”
you feel a sharp exhale against your lower lips. you shudder. renjun clicks his tongue in annoyance. “can you shut up? you’re making my dick soft with all that talking.”
but haechan had ignored him completely, blissfully ignorant of the petite boy’s frustrations as he angles your head up to crash his lips onto yours. when he slightly pulls away, still playfully nibbling your bottom lip, what he said next made your blood run cold. 
“needy kitty. i can’t wait for purge night.”‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎
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6 hours before the annual purge
the price to pay for protection started rising again this year and you, much like your neighbors, are in a sense of turmoil. jamming the doors with cabinets and nailing your windows with wood is hardly enough to satisfy the gnawing feeling in your stomach. much less when you didn’t even have a weapon to wield other than a wooden bat and a cheap taser you bought on sale. 
“its not like anyone will be coming for you, right?” the little girl says, touching the randomest stuff in your apartment. her name was naeun and she never really liked pink and sparkles like most girls her age, maybe that’s why she took a liking to you. 
her mom works a 9 to 5 and her grandma stays with her on occasion. but the old lady loved to sleep, naeun said, so she gets the chance to slip out and come knocking on your door. you tried shooing her out of your apartment countless times but she’s stubborn. 
she reminds you of yourself. 
“well, i hope no one does.” you joked, putting on a turtleneck. 
naeun’s mom doesn't like you as much as it is, but if you yourself let naeun see the bruises on your skin? you’d hate yourself forever. “now, come on little missy, go back to your grandma. i need to head over to the bank to settle my protection fees.”
“but you just said no one is going to come for you anyway,” she whines stomping towards the door. “mom already settled ours yesterday becase grammy forced her to. mommy said it was just a waste of money because who’d bother to rob us anyway?”
a memory flashes in your head. two boys who’ve sandwiched you between them in the dark of a fucking supply closet at uni. wandering hands, labored whispers, curt giggles, one pair of lips trailing up your neck while the other up your inner thigh.
“needy kitty. i can’t wait for purge night.”
you needed that protection. that was no slip up because haechan never makes mistakes. if he wanted to make you feel like some animal on the run after catching a whiff of trouble then he sure is doing a good job. 
“hey! i think you just went someplace else there,” naeun says, nudging your side irritably to get your attention again. 
you try forcing out a chuckle but it doesn't work, still deeply peeved by a memory from last week replaying vividly in your mind. if they ever mean what they meant (which you know they do) then this is now more than just trying to get through the night—you have to survive, prepare, and pray neither of them finds you. 
“i think your grandma’s right in doing what she did, naeun. with humans, you’ll never know.”
and just like that naeun went silent, bid you goodbye, and disappeared behind the apartment door.
the bank was a quick walk from your apartment. you hardly broke much sweat and you even managed to stop by the grocery store to make some last-minute runs. the store’s nearly empty, deserted of any human being as the seconds slowly but surely ticked away. it was only when you walked past aisle seven did you pause, the hairs on your back standing as a slow chill crawled up your spine. 
you look over your shoulder. 
no one’s there. 
you swallow, quickly looking down your watch to check the time as you made your way to counter. 3 hours before the annual purge. you needed to get your ass moving. you just need to grab one more thing and you’ll best be on your way. 
you practically ran towards the dairy section and just as you spin around, strawberry ice cream pint in your hands, you jump as he appears before you in thin air and you drop whatever you’re holding. 
“such a skittish little kitten,” renjun clicks his tongue, bending down to retrieve the ice cream on the floor. “here you go.”
you couldn’t even stare at him in the eye. your hands shook but it wasn’t because of the cold desert. now you get it. it’s his eyes you felt on you earlier, ever intrusive and piercing as he watched you from afar. was he stalking you?
“i didn’t quite catch a thank you, kitty.”
how foolish of you to think he’ll let you duck away without at least speaking to him, hm?
“thank… thank you?”
renjun grins, satisfied with your stuttering as he raises a hand to ruffle your hair—he ignores how you flinched away from him—before walking away with one hand in his coat pocket, whistling an eerie tune that can haunt your nightmares way after purge night. 
“see you later, kitten.”
if it wasn’t the whistling that set you on edge or that clear promise of your doom—it’s the pack of zip ties and duct tape in his hands.‏‏‎ ‎
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you were watching a rerun of your favorite morning reality tv when it cuts to the dreaded blue screen showing the flag of korea. 
this is not a test.
this is your emergency broadcast system announcing the commencement of the annual purge sanctioned by the south korean government. 
weapons of class 4 and lower have been authorized for use during the purge. all other weapons are restricted. 
commencing at the siren, any and all crime, including murder, will be legal for 12 continuous hours. 
police, fire, and emergency medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning until 7 am when the purge concludes. 
may god be with you all.
you’ll never get used to the blaring siren that echoes through the empty streets. you can feel the floor vibrating and it travels throughout your whole body as the dread starts sinking deep into your skin. 
you’ve already double checked all your windows and the front door. activated the security system provided by the bank. and you’ve also already charged your taser and have hammered down nails into your wooden bat. fine. if they wanted to scare and bully you into a panicked frenzy, it did its job but fuck no will you go down without a fight. 
you shut all the lights, the apartment basking in the moonlight glow brought by the translucent curtains as you make your way to your bedroom, nearest the emergency exit just in case they barge through your front door by force. 
at first, nothing happened. it was peaceful. tranquil. you can hear a pin drop with how quiet it was. both inside and outside. you were almost tempted to cover your mouth in case you were breathing too loud. 
it’s silent. until it wasn’t.
your phone rings. it’s there, vibrating on your desk and you make long strides until you’re face to face with a set of numbers on your screen. an unregistered contact. there’s a debate inside your head whether to answer it or not, fingers hovering between the red and green button… until it eventually lands on the green. 
you put it up to your ear, hands sweating as you wait with bated breath for the person on the other end to speak. 
“kitten?”
it’s renjun. you don’t answer. 
“i can hear you breathing, you know. i can’t wait to see you. we’ll have so much fun together. it’s sad that i have to share with that imbecile but better half of you than nothing of you, right?” he laughs and you feel a rush of anger surge through you. yet, you don’t bother to give him the satisfaction of a reply. 
“i can see you’re angry, little kitty. while it’s cute and hot… don’t be. turn that frown upside down for me, wouldn’t you?”
but the blinds are drawn he couldn’t have seen you—
“you’re never going to get me, you fucking bastard. i’m not scared of you,” you sure do hope he can’t hear the tremble in your voice. “whatever you plan on doing to me, you’ll fail.”
you walk back slowly, eyes darting everywhere to look for a camera they could’ve installed in your room. they have connections and the money to do it so you won’t put it past them. 
“oh, my stupid kitty. how can we fail when we already got a head start?” 
the floorboard behind you creaks and before you could turn around, someone slams your head against the desk. you hear a crack, whether it’s the screen of your laptop or your nose, you couldn’t tell. the person is agile and silent as he maneuvers you to the ground and seals your lips with duct tape. 
“after all,” haechan giggles. “you can’t lock out what’s already inside, kitten.”
your phone lands somewhere near your head. renjun has already dropped the call and the line goes silent. 
squirming, you glared at the person on top of you. is this how you’re gonna go? you can’t deny, even you yourself find this pathetic. the security alarms you bought, the nail-studded bat, your taser, everything was all for naught? just because you didn’t check under your bed to make sure no one was there?
how long was haechan waiting? when naeun was still here? when you went out to buy groceries? 
you thought it would be fear you’ll be feeling as you get caught but the emotion isn’t present at all. instead, it’s white hot anger that overrides your system and forces you to act without thinking—and it just fucking saved your life. 
haechan always saw you as a vulnerable, sad little human being who couldn’t do shit on her own. it’s easy to underestimate you and that’s his first mistake. 
the second is rather foolish—not tying your legs up first. it’s all too easy to slam your forehead against his before jerking your leg up to knee him in the balls. 
you can see the anger in his eyes clear as day as you made a run for it to the kitchen, having come up with another escape plan—because surely if you went down the emergency exit, haechan would’ve caught up easily with those long legs after he’s recovered from your assault. 
your nose was probably bleeding and your head is in the early stages of a full blown migraine, at least you were able to function enough to wobble your way towards the trash chute situated near the stove. you had cursed that chute the first day you moved in here (who would put a trash chute next to a fucking stove) but the day has come for you to thank the gods that you have that in your house. 
going for a swim in all your neighbors’ trash is disgusting and unplanned (plus, falling down maybe six floors to your doom) but you’ll choose that over lee haechan and huang renjun any day. 
“don’t you dare fucking think about it!”
you flashed him the middle finger to tick him off. a petty retaliation for all the bullshit he and renjun put you through but it felt good nonetheless. 
“catch me if you fuckers can.”
and you were falling down the trash chute.‏‏‎ ‎
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okay, yeah—maybe you should’ve thought it through before hurling yourself six floors down only for some half-filled dumpster to catch you but at least you’re still alive, right? alive and free, mind you. but you don’t have time to celebrate. 
it smelled awful and you swear your knees and elbows are bruised but you scramble to climb out and run away as fast as you can. 
it was only haechan inside your apartment. no sign of renjun but he did see you somehow and you have no doubt it was a camera inside that room. you didn’t have much time to ponder for how long they were installed in your room. it’s the least of your worries at the moment.
you’re outside. 
during purge night.
even if you did manage to escape it felt more like a win than a lose, forced out of your own apartment in nothing but shorts and a shirt—heck, you don’t even have shoes on!—it felt like they won. again. 
if you’re not going to die in the hands of some other wacko, you’ll die of hypothermia. how nice. 
you didn’t know where you were running to, the only thing you knew was you need to get the hell out of this neighborhood as fast as you can. you didn’t want to run in alleyways and risk getting stabbed for fun. maybe the sewer system… oh, right. you don’t have your phone on you and it’ll probably be pitch black down there. 
you really, truly, genuinely didn’t want to run so out in the open but it was the best you can impulsively come up with. 
when you feel like you’ve put a reasonable distance between you and the apartment, you stop, hands resting flat on your knees as you crouch to catch a breath. just as quick the adrenaline appeared as fast as it had disappeared. you feel the weight and tension crushing your legs, not to mention you’re really starting to feel that headache settle after headbutting haechan. 
you almost collapse against the brick wall. 
the last person you ever thought you’ll see jumps out from the corner of the alleyway and you almost broke their nose. 
until you saw who it was. 
“NAEUN?”
their apartment got raided, some buffy sickos who they had the misfortune of breaking into their house to purge. luckily they got away, but after getting attacked on the streets, naeun got separated after she ran for her life just like you did. you can’t help but feel sorry for the little girl, who experienced the full effect of this godforsaken holiday. 
this is bad. you can’t leave her but it’s tough enough to have to fend for yourself. you’re not so sure whether you can protect another human being but you’ll have to try. 
“did your mom or grandma tell you anything? anything at all?” you ask, crouching to her eye level. “you said your mom knew the way… where? what do you mean?”
“mom said they’re providing refuge on the other side of town but it’s a 30-minute drive. walking would take longer.”
shit. you didn’t want to risk it. you don’t have a car and you’d rather die right here right now than walk another step out in the streets—
“who’s ‘they’?”
“i don’t… i don’t know. she didn’t say.”
you licked your chapped lips. you can’t trust what she’s saying, not when you didn’t even know these people. it’s too risky, not to mention you’re already running from not one, but two people.
naeun sits next to you against the bricked wall of the alley, looking down at her lap. “i’m scared,” she admits. you hear a tremble in her voice. “are mom and grammy de—”
“no,” you cut her off, pulling her tiny body against yours. when you feel her fists clutching your jacket, you swear to protect this girl with your life. “no, they’re not. i’m sure they’re heading there now to the refuge center just like we are.”
her head pokes out, looking up towards you. “we’re going? i thought you didn’t want to.”
you shake your head, wiping her tears. “well, it’s the one way for you to meet your mom and grammy, right?”‏‏‎ ‎
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walking down the streets during purge night—man, this has got to be the most ballsy thing you’ve ever done after that one time you spat at renjun in the eye. you managed to find a litter of bodies way into thirty minutes of walking and you nearly sent naeun flying onto the asphalt with how hard you pushed her back. she couldn’t see this mess, you’d be damned to allow a nine-year-old walk right into psychological trauma. 
you pocket a gun—you didn’t have enough courage to fight with a knife. you wiped the blood off using your shirt before shoving them down onto the garter of your shorts. you didn’t bother to take their shoes, none of them would’ve fit you anyway and it’ll just slow you down. 
“hey, are you alright? is that blood—”
“it’s not mine, naeun. come on, let’s get moving.”
for two hours you walked towards this mysterious refuge center on the other side of town and both you and naeun managed to evade death three times. 
the first attack: a group of high schoolers with their uniforms on. there were three of them, about your height, and while you weren’t responsible for the blood on your shirt, you’re not so sure about their lot. they looked crazy, excited even, but sloppy in the way they flung their knives and bats around. their first purge, you assumed, so it was fairly easy to take them down. a bullet to the head worked like a charm. naeun didn’t say anything when you urged her out of her hiding place to flee the scene. three bullets left. 
the second attack: it was a surprise, one that got you stabbed in the shin of your right leg. it was a drunkard with a knife, you could smell him as you walked past by his slumped form in the sidewalk. he wasn’t moving, so you thought he was dead and it was poor judgement on your part. it’s pathetic getting injured this way, you thought, but at least it was you who faced the consequences and not naeun. two bullets left.
the third attack: two men but deadlier than the girls and the drunk. you didn’t get to reason out with either of them, not when they drove their cadillac at 140 miles per hour and nearly ran you over. a chill crept up your spine when you saw the bloody, naked women strapped down onto the hood. victims. you didn’t engage in any form of combat, it’s impossible, so you took naeun in your arms and ran straight to the back alleys. number of bullets remain the same.
three lucky strikes. 
three times you’ve cheated death. 
but time is up and your luck has run out. 
“beating up a girl? what a coward, if you ask me,” you say, spitting out a tooth after someone kneed you in the face. you were in no position to say such things when they’ve got you busted up and bloody, left eye swollen after one hard punch. 
naeun is nowhere to be seen. 
good. 
who knows what these assholes could’ve done to her. you told her to run so she better fucking run and make sure she lives through this nightmare. 
another kick flies to your ribs and you lie sprawled on the dirty pavement of an alleyway—what an uncool way to die but at least you’ll die with a clear conscience. 
you passed by city hall a few minutes ago. surely, the refuge center is not too far from there. naeun will make it safe. she’ll make it. 
“what’s that look on her face? is she dead?”
another one scoffs. “well… if they’re after her then she’s as good as dead.”
you blacked out. ‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎
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you hate the scent of disinfectant. it crawls up your nose and you hate how the stench is so strong you can taste it on your tongue. this isn’t heaven, not when you know you’re better off burning in hellfire.
unless you weren’t dead—your eyes shoot open, sitting up in haste as you clutch the thin blanket. 
rows upon rows of the same cot you were lying on greets you. people injured, some standing, some sitting. there were people treating them, too, but they were in normal clothes so this can’t be a hospital. in fact, it looked like you’re in some warehouse, stacks of metal crates sealing off all entrances. 
“it’s the refuge,” you whisper. 
“you’re awake!” before you could even turn around, a body launches itself onto you and nearly makes the cot collapse. judging by the small frame and the pitchy voice—
“naeun, be careful!” her mother hisses but the girl in between your arms couldn’t care less. if she’d been an adult, she’d be squeezing the life out of you. when she pulls you closer, your healing ribs made a strike of pain surge through you. 
you groan, bowing in the pain. distantly, you can hear the mother and daughter fighting and it was a banter you’ve never experienced with your own mom. it nearly made you tear up from the overwhelming wave of emotions you were feeling but all else disappears when a person tenderly grips your shoulder. 
“thank you for taking care of my granddaughter.” the old lady was smiling appreciatively as she stared at you. 
that was it. it could’ve been the happy ending to a gruesome and bloody storyline—it should’ve been, family of three reunites again and that was all thanks to you, right?
but even heroes have their own bad endings. 
you heard the ticking of the grenade only seconds before it detonates. the other refugees didn’t even have the time to take cover as some closest to the sealed doors were sent flying so far back they crashed into the row of crates behind you. 
you were severely injured, limping, ribs broken, and you only had one good eye to rely on—yet the first thing you thought of was protecting naeun. maybe the midget had a way of worming herself into your heart. but before you even push yourself off the cot, a figure emerges from the smoke. 
petite and harmless, pretty as the tips of his hair grazed porcelain cheekbones. renjun’s eyes are as cold and calculating as can be and it’s the only thing that terrifies you to no end. when he opens his mouth, anger is hidden well underneath that calm tone. 
“i’ll give you one minute to come here willingly.”
there’s no room for bargain, he needn’t when he knows you have absolutely nothing to offer him but yourself. he doesn’t finish his sentence but he trusts you’re smart enough to figure out the silent threat—come, or he’ll turn this place into a fucking bloodbath. 
cornered and weak, defenseless. weird how they have a fixation for calling you ‘kitty’ when they’re the cats in this chase. 
“naeun,” you whisper, trying to crane your neck to look for her in the filth of rocks and debris. please don’t be hurt.
you freeze when you feel a barrel pointing at your head. it was only there for seconds, haechan probably doesn’t have the guts to hurt you in any way permanently (unless it’s inflicted with his own hands and not through some other medium). 
“ah, look. now we have matching black eyes,” he giggles like a madman, craning your neck up and the leather in his globes brings discomfort to your skin. 
you see the way the other refugees looked at you—scum, dirt on their feet that brought about trouble in their lives. they were already badly hurt as it is and now, this happened? you don’t blame them. 
not one man tried to stand up for you as haechan hauls you up and throws you down on renjun’s feet. your ribs were screaming and you’re cold and so, so afraid. with shaky fingers, you gestured towards the crowd. “just... please, don’t hurt them. they don’t have anything to do with this.”
renjun coos. such a cruel smirk for a pretty face. “aw, such an angel my darling is. always thinking of others instead of her own safety. funny because i don’t think you’ve ever done such a thing for me and haechan, though. i wonder why...”
the latter digs his heel in your injured legs and you scream as black starts to surround the corners of your vision. you tried to crane your neck back, pleading eyes wanting to look at the assaulter but renjun’s calloused hand is gripping your chin too tight.
“should we make a bargain, kitten?”
you stare deep into renjun’s eyes. he knows you don’t have anything left, he can see it in your glassy eyes, too wide and vulnerable. he’s doing this all for show, trying to make you even more desperate and self-aware of your eventual demise.
and you thought haechan was the only cunning one.
“what… what bargain?"
renjun practically gleams in pride. “i’ll let everyone walk free—even your precious little naeun—that’s her name, right? the little girl you’ve been protecting the whole night?—we’ll let her and everyone in this building walk away unharmed. that’s my bargain. you know how those work, right? now, you need to give me something i want.”
forcing you to offer yourself up to them.
what a brutal way to crush your pride.
choice wasn’t an option. if you don’t oblige and choose to run away on your own, they’ll kill them and still hunt you down. you gotta say, it was a tempting bargain that appealed to the sense of heroics in your heart. naturally, you have to choose where there is less blood shed. and as renjun lets go of your chin and lets you look over your shoulder to meet little naeun’s eyes, how she sobbed against her mother’s arms and shook her head and screamed…
“hurry, kitten. i don’t like to be kept waiting.”
you know what needs to be done.
“me. i’ll give you… me.”‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎
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they stood playing a game of pool in the dead of night. it’s peaceful inside the estate while the city beyond rampaged and burned. they achieved their goal, had finally seen an end to a plan that had been set in motion for years. they’ve succeeded and the broken woman lying on the bed meters from the pool table is proof of their victory. 
“don’t you just love it when an elaborate plan works like clockwork, injun?” he asks, voice like trickling honey as he hits number 9 with the cue ball. 
the other, more petite male, rolls his eyes but doesn’t disagree. “oh, please, people like us always triumph, donghyuck. it’s nothing new. although i am surprised that little girl and her so-called “family” played along so well. almost had me fooled.”
“i agree. it's such a shame they had to go.”
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alltowoo · 4 years
Text
So... I will be posting the links here for the Wonwoo Contents 
Fluff
(new) 5 ways to say I love you by @moon-stars01​
(new) A Dream is a Wish your Heart Makes by @wonniehae
(new) A Special Ingredient by @svttism
(new) A Silent Love by @nctxdreamies
Bad Fight! by @callmebcby
(new)  Better Better by @serenityseventeen
Bookstore employee by @sptegami
Colour by @ally-127
(new) Comfortable by @m1ng-how
(new) Counting Sheep by @serenityseventeen
(new) Curious Cat by @lavenonie 
(new) Damaged: Before by @kpop-cakepops
Drunk Confessions by @chillihansol
(new)  Earl Grey by @seokmingiggles 
(new)  Feel So Lucky by @toriasaurio
Fearless by @minghaocouture
Friends to Lovers by @akwablu-blog
(new) Giggles by @insideofrose​
(new) Haunted House by virryth
(new) Heart & Seoul by @bubblebeom
Hi, I’m Wonwoo.by @novawon
Hogwarts Alumni Shirt @tonicandjins
(new) Home by @geminirules
(new) Homework Nights by @quicksilverster​
(new) I Found Love in your Smile by @wonlouvre​
(new) If you had 3 Wishes, What would they be? by @glowonu​​
(new) Just you by @justasoftstan
(new) Kairosclerosis by @nose-bandaid​
(new) Late Night Wonders by @snowydaffodils​
(new) Like the Movies by @binniesthighs
Literature by @heartgyus​
(new) Let me take you Home by @ctrlhao
(new) Letter to You by @writer-k-pop​
(new) Letters to You by @wooziujidoots​
(new) Library Crush by @serenityseventeen​
(new) Library Trips By @bootyful-seventeen​
Modest Jeon Wonwoo by @woozisnoots
(new) More Than You Know  by @writessvt
Neighbors to Lovers by @thekpopaus
Never Change by @stuckwithsvt
Not So Cold-Heart by @mywonuderful 
(new) One More Chapter by @justasoftstan
(new) Opposites by  @serenityseventeen
(new) Outward by @gamerwoo​
(new) Popular Guy by @gyugiggles
Ranked Game by @ribosoons
(new) Ready to love by @3raaaachachacha
Saudade by @uriurijihoonie
(new) Say You Won’t Let Go by @geminirules
(new) Setting It Up by @justasoftstan
(new) Sharing is Caring by @gamerwoo
(new) Shiny Star by @wonwoonlight
(new) Shy Desires  by @serenityseventeen
Shy Shy Shy by @okaykpop
(new) Snuggle Donation: Pact by @kpop-cakepops
Something Old, Something New by @kwanisms
Soulmate by @svtskneecaps
Summer Scent by @escapewriter
(new) Squishy by @justasoftstan
(new) S𝗐𝖾𝖾𝗍 𝖺𝗇𝖽 S𝗈𝗎𝗋 by @mieohmy
(new) The Cat Cafe by @purplehoranghae
To Die For by @starlightshua
(new) To my Growing Child by @serenityseventeen
(new) To my Youth by @viastro
(new) The Best Friend A Girl Could Ask For by @kpop-cakepops
(new) The Ulzzang Project by @hongnanglen-arina
(new) Villain! by @ @solarwonux
(new) Valentine’s Day with Wonwoo by @kpop-in-new-albion​
(new) Welcome to fatherhood by @woozibby​
White Lies by @luvshuas
(new) Winner by @serenityseventeen
(new) You Give Me PVCs by @chal-kagyu
You Mean the World to me by @svtskneecaps​
(new) Your Cat Loves You by @jeonflo​
Angst
(new) Avenue of Tears by @dropsofletters​
Blind by @wtf-taeyong
Boundaries by @nobodyeverasked
Child of Athena by @keeper-of-the-uwus
(new) Chili by @cherrycheolliesc
Daydream by @tonicandjins
Dreamcatcher by @love-dreams​
(new) Encumber by @jeonstellate​
Everything I Didn't Say by @tonicandjins
(new) Everything Leads Back to you  by  @boowanie
Fear the Wraith by @gamerwoo
(new) He lost you by @zarryscherrys​
Hearing Lips by @gamerwoo
How could I ever forget about you? by @woozibby
Hurtful Eyes by @shuatoyou​
(new) I Found You by @uchukiyoo​
​ (new) In the Spring by @viastro​
​ (new) Lie to Me by @haokyeom​
(new) Like a Dream by @yakultberry​
Look me in the eyes and tell me you love me by @infinitum-imaginaerum
Lost by @min9yusnovia
Lost Souls by @cheolgyushua
(new) Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I’ve Loved Before: The Seventh Letter by @serenityseventeen​
(new) LoveLorn by @themyunghoxo​
Missing You by @geminirules​
(new) Moonlight by @solarwonux
(new) My Dream is You ​ by @cheolbooluvr​
New York: The City Of Dreams By @tonicandjins 
Not So Sweet by @extrasugafree​
��� (new) Oh my God, They were Roommates by @luvvchwe​
(new) See You Again by @geminirules​ 
(new) Surprise by @wonwoonlight
Ten Questions by @chocosvt
(new) The Art of Healing by @boowanie
​ (new) The Moon Told me so by @nose-bandaid​
(new) Things I Wish You Never Said  by @gayforseungcheol
​ (new) To Bloom and to Wither by @sunduskwine​
(new) Wedding march by @sincerelyshobe​
To all the boys by @shra-vasti
(new)  Why haven’t you kissed me yet? by @solarwonux​
(new) Yours by @gyukult​
Smut
(new) 3 nights by @hotgirlwonwoo
A Moon Without Stars by @chocosvt
(new)  Anteric by @smileysuh
(new)  Baby Doll by @solarwonux​
Birthday Treat by @multmilk
Caffeine by @meltwonu
(new) Champagne Kisses  by  @solarwonux 
(new) Crash, No Burn by @softhaos​
Crop Tops & Tattoos by @solarwonux​
(new) Cuff 1 by @smileysuh​
Dream by @sebuntease
(new) Gam3 bo1 by @sunflowergyeomie​
(new) Game interrupted by @diamondyjh​ 
(new) Getting Closer by @bubblebeom
(new) Getting Closer II  by @bubblebeom​
(new) I Though you Hated Me?  by @glossyeon​
Let Me Watch by @kinksvt
Limitless by @alltheattractiveasiansimgines
Math Tutor by @sebuntease​
(new) Meanie Sandwich by @meltwonu
Missing You by @sebuntease​
(new) Movie Night? by @hongnanglen-arina​
(new) Payment Due! @solarwonux​        
Private by @17mounteens​​
(new) Punished @otptings​
(new) Refresh ​​ by @snowydaffodils​
Rich Girl by @blushnote
(New)  The Bet by @hotgirlwonwoo
The Copy Machine is Broken Again By @tonicandjins
The Other Side by @17mounteens​
​ (new)  Something told me it was you by @wonwooze​
(new) Sugar by @solarwonux
(new) Strawberries and Bad Decisions by @solarwonux
The Step Brother by @sebuntease
(new) Under The Moonlight by @solarwonux​
(new) Until I met you by @meltwonu
(new) Until It Feels Like You’re In Heaven by @odetojeons
(new) Valentine’s Day Drabble #5 - First Time  by @solarwonux ​
(new) Wasted Game = Wasted Night by @starryse​ 
(new) Will You Punish Me If I Don’t? by @odetojeons​
​ (new) You’re the perfect view by @halloweenniles​
Other AU’s I dont know where to place (hehe)
700 Years Promise @onetwosevensquad
(new) Accidents Happen by @fluffyyunho
(new) Achilles by @gamerwoo
All Fun and Games by @gamerwoo
Big Bad Wolf by @for-dogs-and-flowers
(new) Bittersweet by @networkluvs
Bodyguard Wonwoo by @jungnoirr
(new) Camera Lens Pointed At You by @svt13roses​
(new) Cat Cafe with Wonwoo by @17cafe
(new) Cooperation by @serenityseventeen
College AU by @seventeen-teen-teen-trash
(new) Give Your Heart by @gamerwoo
Familiar Faces by @i-see-thevision
(new) Here’s My Problem: I Can’t Get You Out Of My Head by @just-some-random-blogger
Hunger by @svtwrites
I Can’t Let You Go Until I Win @narika-a
I Never Meant to Make You Bleed by @jungnoir
Invitation by @tonicandjins
(new) Level Seven by @heeseungsapple
(new) Neighbor next door by @svtshine​
More Than That by @neoyeppuda
(new)  My Little Ghost by @seodami
Second Life by @starlightshua
Sober Up by @geuyeoreum 
(new) Sweet Home by @devoidwrites
(new) Tell me the Same by @ joonsgalaxy
(new) The Beat of a Love Rhyme by @dropsofletters
(new) The Little Flower on your Wrist by @nose-bandaid​.tumblr.com
(new) The King by @craby-bouquet
The Switch by @woozibby
(new) The unDead's Love by @chupacoupsie
(new) Tinkerbell by @softforhao
(new) What happens at the party by @craby-bouquet
(new) Wild Card by @serenityseventeen
Note: Will update.. this list is not yet complete :D
Dilemma: There are fics I’ve ready with no titles and i don’t know how to include them here
P.S: If there’s anything I need to add or to change PLEASE feel free to send me a message or a comment :D
• 10/26/2020 I updated this again with a few more stories and I think I might separate each genre into one post. I just realized there’s a lot of them.
• 07/22/2021  I updated this with new fics around I labelled then (new) so many fics we can read now.. Enjoy!!
438 notes · View notes
nightswithkookmin · 3 years
Note
Does Run ep 119 fall into the period of Jikook's romantic separation/distancing you talked about? By hairstyles I think this is the time you marked as being 'not a couple'? Did I get the timelines right? Please dont get mad, but they seemed especially cozy+close this ep, and not just skinship (I know this is a subjective judgement and dif points of view are allowed). Just curious if you still hold to your theory? We see only tiny snapshots of time. Do you ever retrospectively change your mind?
Me right now. lol
Running away before I give in to the temptation to rumble on for pages. Lol.
Ahhh shit! Too late. lol.
First of all, it's not so much that questions like these irk me...
It's just I've never had to worry about being 'right' or 'wrong' in forming an opinion about anything or on any topic in my life.
I think the night is more beautiful than the day. I think both Trump and Biden are trash- but better Biden than Trump. I think formal education is a damn waste of time and money. I think a lot of things. But I've never had to worry about that I could be right or wrong about them.
I never assume, when I read people's opinions too, that they are right or wrong. I either tend to agree with it or disagree with it or get informed by it if I had zero opinion prior. I find it bizarre when people want to be right and stuff- especially in a community that is nothing but a swirling vortex of thoughts and opinions. Lmho.
You either defend your stand and give evidence to support it but even then we are just all making assumptions.
Also questions like these tend to put me in a position where I feel like if I should respond then I am not only 'defending' my opinions but challenging other's opinions with my opinions and treating my opinions as if they were the facts. But they are not. It's just one opinion against another.
Know what I mean?
I used to be comfortable doing that because I thought it was all friendly debates and discourse until someone drew my attention to it and pointed out to me that when I do that I come across as 'all knowy,' 'presenting my opinions as facts' and 'challenging other's opinions with my opinion'- which y'all are well aware is the case that has launched a thousand hate comments, privacy invasion, doxing, lies and operation boycott Goldy on ship street.
I don't think it's worth it.
Then there is the substantive issue: how these questions are framed. How should I put this...
I never said anywhere that Jikook were broken up during the On era because they were not acting 'cozy'. Who's theory is that? Who said that? I've never peddled the 'Jikook is real because of skinship or their interactions' theory. If anything, I try to distinguish between Jikook's couple moments and their skinship or mere interactions because neither of those two make Jikook real... to me.
If Jikook showing skinship and merely interacting with eachother to you is a determining factor as to whether they are real- it's not, to me. I've made this much clear over the course of my blogs. If it's your metric then it differs from mine and I can't 'challenge' it. Lol.
I have said, Jikook can interact zero in a content and I still could be able to tell if they are a couple.
Similarly, two people can grind on eachother and stick their tongues down eachother's throats and I still will be able to tell they are not a couple within the same group if they are not.
Am I wrong sometimes? Absolutely. Hell, I said JK was going to post for Jimin's birthday. He didn't. I got that wrong.
I do retrospectively change my mind on a lot of things. If say, in the future, Jimin announced he has a kid and is married to a het woman I would backpedal on my theory that Jikook is real. I don't think it's that deep.
If at any one point, I have reason to believe Jikook aren't together any more as a couple within BTS, or that one of them is straight, I would change my opinion about them being in a gay relationship with eachother.
Similarly, if I have reason to believe Jikook have broken up or distanced themselves from eachother at one point, I would say so and not run around the internet yelling Jikook gay, Jikook married.
There are moments, when I thought Jikook were together but they weren't and so I had to change my mind in retrospect too.
It seems to me, that to y'all, as long as I'm saying Jikook are together then I'm right and it's Amen preach but if I say I think they are or were not together at a point in their relationship then suddenly it's, she is a Trump supporter spreading lies about Jikook and dancing in the rain with convicted serial killers while trying to pass off her published work as Jikook fanfiction. It's all very interesting how some people's minds work...
For the record, I said Jikook were broken up within that period because they were not claiming eachother, reassuring eachother, exercising rights of claim and authority, speaking eachothers love language and all the other metrics I have time and again pointed out several times across my posts that they are the qualities that to me make Jikook a couple.
So do you see why I feel some kind of way when people come at me with the, 'they stared at eachother' 'they smiled at eachther' they touched eachother' argument? Y'all must have me confused a certain shipper on the block. Lol.
You tell me they look cozy and intimate, but then I go and check and they are still not claiming eachother or exhibiting any of the qualities that makes them a couple. Lol.
If I say Jikook is in a relationship, it's usually because I have reasons to believe they are in a relationship. If I say Jikook are not together, it's also because I have reasons to believe they are not together. It's really not hard maths.
I forego a lot of sleep to ensure I share my thought process on a lot of my theories and opinions. I have shared across several posts why I believe Jikook is real. I have shared a few of the metrics I use to decide on that opinion and I have shared my thought process on why I believe in certain moments they aren't together.
It's exhausting when I have to repeat that process each time because then it's not about you asking for my opinion on the topic anymore because I've already stated that, it's about you asking me to change my opinion on a topic based on your assessment and your metric and it just doesn't work that way.
Your assertion that Run 119 was filmed in the same era as On is valid I guess... but I have to disagree. I can't tell you exactly when that episode was filmed but if I had to share my two cents on it, I'd have to place it towards the middle of April this year or somewhere around that period. In my opinion.
I say that because Jimin debuted his jet black hair around 14th April when he appeared in a Vlive with RM. Again I do not know exactly when he got his hair changed but as of March 26th, he had blondish hair.
In his March 30th Vlive- the one where JK interrupted Jin's call, he had a cap on so chilee I'm not gonna argue on whether he had dyed his hair at that point or not.
Then there is Suga, who has blonde hair in this Run 119 episode. He had blonde hair from his birthday in early March and tweeted a bunch of photos of himself in blonde hair from March through to April 28th.
Yet in the JinMinGi Vlive on April 27th when Jimin still had jet black hair, Suga seemed to have a jet black hair too. Which means he could have had blonde hair around the time Jimin went black in early April and dyed it black in late April- but that's theory and that's just my assumption. We can know for sure if and when knew content is released which was filmed around that period.
Thus, I doubt if it was filmed during On era like episode 116 and 117- where you could see clearly, Jikook were having issues.
Just because a peice of content is released in succession don't mean they were filmed around the same period...
So yes I agree with you, we only see snapshots of their time and most importantly we see them in DISORDER. BigHit doesn't release content in chronological order as per when they film them- something I keep reiterating throughout my blogs.
And just as a tip for when you want to reconstruct the timeline for accuracy based on their hairstyles, I think you should look to their Live contents and not their prerecorded content. Their VLives and Youtube lives- actual lives not the prerecorded ones passed off as live streams lol, or even their live reactions to when they win awards or do interviews etc.
I think those are a somewhat accurate reflection of the timeline and helps fit contents in their right time period. But even that- it's still 60/40. But that's me. Feel free to use your own metric to access the timeline.
And the part about them seeming cozy within- On Era, I assume? Because that's when I speculated they had a break up?
I wasn't going to address it because it requires me to provide a comprehensive reconstruction of the timeline but I can't do that until a few more years from now when BigHit has released all or most of the content they have on that period.
I'm just gonna have to repeat myself, for the n>th time though and be intentionally vague about it lol - I had decided not to talk about that period again but I have to just because you make it sound like I would go full on frying pan wielding JK on your ass, step for step, for pointing out that Jikook seemed cozy and intimate within that speculated breakup period. Chilee, I'm not a villain. Lol.
I will not whoop your ass for saying that- but you'd have to answer a seven page query if you are an avid reader of my blogs, so clear your schedule. It's gonna be a long day. Lol.
Query: How do you expect Jikook to look like and behave if and when they are not together together?
I keep saying, at the bare minimum, Jikook are friends not enemies. You don't expect them to act like they never knew eachother during such times. But it takes a while for them to settle into that space when they both feel comfortable with being friends and during such period is when you notice them putting up emotional boundaries and distance between them.
Maybe its just because I saw Jikook as friends and got used to them as friends before lovers and so spotting when they are acting as friends comes easy to me? I don't know.
I think it's similar to how people who are used to seeing Jikook as friends can't seem to see past their friendship to seeing them as a couple.
Then there are those who've only known Jikook to be a couple or saw them as a couple first upon entering the fandom and so can't seem to see them as friends or even think of them as friends. It can be a trip for such people. Which one are you?
If you see Jikook as lovers all the time, really I don't. And I don't need the tensions and the silences to sense something is off. JK unable to check RM or anyone within the group when they are crossing boundaries with Jimin is enough tell.
Same way I don't need to the skinship and 'cosy' to tell if they are together. Jk putting up emotional distance with certain members within the group- all but Jimin, is enough evidence for me.
We don't have to all see Jikook through the same lens to enjoy them. And we don't have to agree on everything too.
We are different people, with different backgrounds and experiences. We can't think the same or perceive on things the same.
I keep saying, to me, there is a quality to Jikook that makes them more than friends. If I see those qualities in them, I believe they are a couple. If not, they are not. Those are the qualities I see only between Jikook and what set them apart from the other ships in BTS.
I see their friendship and I also see their other stuff.
And I notice, during certain periods that they lose that quality that makes them couples- for them to be a couple they need to be speaking eachothers love language, exercising certain rights and privileges over each other, claiming eachother, reassuring eachother yadda yadda yadda and a whole others that don't include them merely talking to eachother or engaging in skinship.
When I talk about Jikook On Era break up period, I'm talking about the period from the 21st to 28th February this year- or the period right before it.
Thats the period I noticed a drastic change in Jikook's interactions and even their personalities. It gave me the feeling that jikook had been through something heavy prior to that date. That period seemed more like the aftermath of a break up rather than the beginning of it as there seemed to be a drastic flip in their dynamics compared to any era before that. Especially late December or around the period when they filmed Carpool Karaoke.
They weren't doing any of the things I've mentioned above that to me make them a couple- they were just interacting and pretty much being civil- except for JK. He seemed more angry, less tolerant and very assertive against Jimin and the group.
He was being super self assertive and was asserting himself even against Jimin- something he has been doing a lot this year which I keep talking about.
Jimin didn't seem different to me at all to me in that period until April.
Why do I feel you are forcing me to talk about something I don't want to talk about? Lol.
I mark that period as significant not only because of the changes that took place in Jikook's dynamics but because it marks the genesis of the JK we are experiencing today.
Their interactions within that period were reflective of a consistent pattern of behavior they've exhibited around periods when they are not together- JK putting up boundaries, not claiming JM, JM trying to reconnect etc.
For instance, at Music Bank on the 28th of February, Jimin did that thing with Jin when he noticed JK interacting with Tae but JK didn't mind him or claim.
Contrast that with their moment on the 1st March, at Inkigayo, where JK literally teleported his ass to stand behind JM when he noticed JM had started his shenanigans on the stage.
Jikook started claiming eachother and acting as a couple again from then- they started reassuring eachother and doing all these things that to me mark them as a couple. Again, this is only an assumption, I don't have the comprehensive breakdown of the period- yet because there are new contents being released on a daily.
On 6th March, during Music Bank when Hobi hugged Jimin during their interview JK reacted strongly to that too in my opinion.
On 30th March, JK interrupted Jin's call to flirt and ask JM on a date- you could see them acting as a couple from that moment at Inkigayo on 1st March throughout to 30th March and their interactions were consistent.
Their interactions in the period before that was pretty much inconsistent and filled with a lot of Jump cuts- which I'm hoping future contents will help fill the gaps for me so I can build a comprehensive breakdown of that era- at least for my self. Iol.
It's just the way Jikook usually behave after these period. They go through a reconnection phase, where they constantly try reassure eachother and then eventually end up in a honey moon phase of a sort where you'd see them flirting up and down the hills, acting super touchy, hitting the red marks- making us and the others feel weird and super uncomfortable watching them.
It's also important to note that around the period of them reconnecting, JK had started distancing himself from Tae. He puts up emotional boundaries with the others and closes himself off to them when he opens himself up to Jimin.
I mean if I'm 'wrong,' and I'm not saying I'm right, I'm just saying if I'm wrong because of your two seconds clip of them acting 'cozy,' then I gotta ask what happened to JK in this period? Why was he putting up boundaries between him and Jimin in that period, and what set him on this self assertive path he's been on throughout this year- think about that while I hold on to my he went through a nasty breakup and had an emotional trauma that pushed him on a path to reevaluate and set his priorities straight theory. Lol
I think some of the content they have released so far within that period were filmed either closer to or far from when that break up happened- Run 116 and 117 would be the closest to that period so far- I just don't know if it was before 21st February or after it.
Run 100 and 101 would also have been filmed relatively closer to that period or immediately after it because Jimin was behaving in those Runs the same way he was behaving during the On Comeback Special VLive which was released on 21st of February- I feel the breakup would happened before this date.
In both those Runs and the On comeback special, Jimin seemed beat, humbled and subdued. He was trying to establish eye contact with JK during the comeback VLive, egging him on to talk about his looks, and putting boundaries between him and the other members. He seemed to be on his best behavior.
For instance, in the Comback he seemed like he was walking on eggshells around Kookie and didn't want to create the impression he was going out of his way to flirt with the others or portray himself as available and so when Suga touched his waist or back, he asked him to stop.
Similary, in Runs 100/101 behind scenes or something, when they were eating and he noticed Tae had food residue on his lips, he tried to help him clean it but panicked and stopped the moment he sensedJK lifting his head up- it seemed he didn't want to piss JK off in those two instances. JK for the most part just seemed serious and less tolerant of JM's bs within that period.
Juxtapose JM's behavior in these two instances with the events at Music Bank and Inkigayo where he was hugging Jin and acting extra around Kook- which to me seemed like he was looking for reassurance by trying to get JK to claim him but of course JK didn't do that.
Jimin likes being reassured by JK when he is feeling 'insecure.' And often, JK reassures him when he notices JM going through that. Jimin does the same for JK.
They are intune with eachother's emotional needs and they consciously go out of their way to meet them.
Take the recent MAMA speech moment when JM was giving a speech and he seemed like he need support- emotional support and back up. Jk turn fully and instantly towards him to let him know he was there for him. We've seen Jikook do this a countless times. I value these moments over them showing skinship or screaming eachother's names.
In the recent BE press conference red carpet moment when JM tried it with RM- did you notice JK's reaction? They both seemed like they were trying to piss eachother other off or make each eachother jealous during that red carpet moment.
JM with RM and JK with Jin. JK grabbed Jin's neck when he noticed JM intentionally acting all up close and friendly with his buddy buddy RM and the frown on his face. He didn't seem too amused with JM doing that...
- it's weird, I know, but it's also their way of reassuring eachother and expressing interest in eachother. Don't judge. It's Jikook- just look away, keep it pushing. Nothing to see here. Lol.
Had it not been for the live events around that On period, I probably wouldn't have noticed these things because the content from BigHit around the period were only showing glimpses of their interactions which again seemed like the aftermath of their breakup and not the start of it.
I think their ability to get to that space where they are each comfortable with relating freely and 'cozy' around eachother as friends depends on how soon they interact on cameras after they've gone through such periods.
If they film immediately soon after, or during, often the tension between them is much more evident like in run 116 and 117.
If they film much later from it, then you wouldn't even notice a damn thing at all. In my opinion. Especially, if you don't know the difference between Jikook as friends and Jikook as lovers.
You can never tell though if you focus solely on Jimin's behavior during such periods- because Jimin is just that guy. He doesn't bring the drama to work. He will smile sunshine through the pain and act like nothing happened. For JK it's different, in my opinion.
Jimin has a very high emotional intelligence quotient and seems to process emotions better and faster. JK is not like that. It is why I feel, he tends to put up physical and emotional barriers with Jimin and with the others sometimes when he is going through it.
They all process emotions at different paces. In my opinion.
I'm starting to wonder if y'all think Jikook is one sided at this point. Lol. Jikook is not one sided. Jimin is not the only one in their relationship. You can't focus on him alone to decide if your ship is sailing or in a good place- because guess what? Jimin can put up a show of it.
It's just as how Tuktukkers tend to focus on Tae rather than JK in determining whether they still have a ship or not. If they paid attention to JK for one minute, they would know their ship got lost at sea at debut.
I keep saying JM's 'the boy in love with Jungkook' persona is a facade. He loves JK through this facade but you have to look past it. I mean this is the guy who told Jin JK doesn't act a certain way around him, but backpedaled and said he was just 'saying it for content' when Jin called him out on it. Same guy Jk says, he intentionally acts cutes when he notices the cameras on him.
You gotta wonder what else he does just for content and for the cameras. Isn't this why people claim Jikook is fanservice?
You have to pay attention to JK too you know? They have different personalities, different ways of handling issues, different ways of loving and different ways of solving problems.
Jimin over expresses himself and tries to establish contact when he is at the recieving end of a freeze out. He did the same thing on stage with JK during Manila when he tried to have a conversation with Kook- to squash whatever issues they had been having but JK needed his space physically and emotionally.
Jimin was sat next to Suga chatting with him, asking him questions, laughing with him but the moment Suga touched him he snapped. He did the same thing in Dynamite MV reaction VLive when JK teased him with Suga. He snapped almost instantly and didn't seem happy with it- he doesn't want to be shipped with Suga and yet he is the one constantly going 'I miss Suga hyung' 'Suga and I are the parents and JK is the son"
In run 116, you could see him trying to interact with Kook even when Kook was clearly putting up boundaries with him. Had Kook not been closed off to him in that moment, we probably would never have noticed anything was off with them honestly.
And that hug JM gave Kook in the end, did you see him looking sideways as if he was doing something wrong? Compare that moment with the Siriux FM interview where he had his hands around Kook. He didn't seem- what's the word, scared.
And by the way, that moment was also filmed on the 21st of February in the US, the same day of their Rockefeller interview and the same day the On Comeback Special VLive was released- so do the maths? Was that the start of a break up or the aftermath of it?
Jimin was leaning forward in that period true, but was JK receiving and reciprocating his actions and matching them throughout that period? No. Or may be its debatable- you tell me. Lol.
Jikook behave in a certain way and give off a certain vibe when they are good and sailing- but not all such moments is because they are a couple. In my opinion.
When they get to that good space where they can be comfortable around each other, they sail as friends too.
It's just like, when they are not good and they give off bad vibes. But not all the bad vibes they give off is because they are not good. Know what I mean?
It's all up to how you perceive them and how much you understand of their dynamics I guess.
It is my understanding that, JK opens up to certain other members within the group while simultaneously putting up boundaries with Jimin when he is having serious problems with Jimin. From my observation of their interactions.
So I ask, within the period of 21st February to 28th, was he leaning towards this certain member he was suddenly BFFs with around the time of their break up or was he leaning away from him? He literally teleported away from him to be next to Jimin when they were getting back together and Tae didn't seem amused by that either.
It's Jikook, I get it. I think you need to pay attention to the way they interact with the other members within the group too? Because that's equally telling. Sigh.
It is my understanding that, Jimin is quick to anger yet quick to forgive and he sometimes glosses over things, puts a lot of energy and efforts into embellishing his relationship with Kook and presenting them as the perfect duo and the perfect relationship- which is something that I think psychologically induces the Kumbaya in a lot of Jikook shippers and influences them into thinking their relationship is perfect and kumbaya. But that's another topic for another day.
JK makes Jikook more real. To me.
I hear often, people talk about how Jimin is less touchy than JK and has personal boundaries within the group and how over the years, he has toned down on his touchiness with the other members because JK puts up a lot of boundaries for him around the members with the frying pans and what not, and would fume whenever Jimin or anyone crosses those boundaries...
But have y'all ever wondered the kind of boundaries Jimin put up for JK within the group and expects JK to uphold within the group when they are together? Hint: It's not JK's touchiness or lack of boundaries. Y'all be connecting the wrong dots. Lol.
Jk puts up physical boundaries for Jimin because that is important to him. Jimin put up emotional boundaries for JK because that is important to him. They overlap sometimes but those times are insignificant to me.
Jk's certain bonds suffer because of Jimin. And he stops respecting those boundaries when he and Jimin are no longer together and the moment they are back together, he puts those boundaries up again with those bonds- this is Morse code, if you catch on message me with it. Wink.
JM throwing his arms around Kook during a serious interview is not him claiming JK or reassuring him. JK yelling Jimin to the power Z is not him exercising right of authority over Jimin- lovers do that. Know who else does that? FRIENDS. Lol.
It's nothing Hobi doesn't do with JM or the other ships don't do.
Listen, I saw all the good bits and things that you saw in that period too and still I formed my opinion on that era the way that I did and have. And the new content from that era, Run 116 and 117 all follow the same pattern of behavior I noticed around that period and have talked about. So no, my view on that era hasn't changed.
Unless, your objective is to have me change my mind based on the 'wrong' timeline dots you've connected, then we would just have to agree to disagree. Lol.
If you believe Jikook were together during that period, I agree to disagree on it. Feel free to disagree with my opinion too.
Always ship Jikook in the way that makes sense to you. And support them while you are at it. Jikook is real. Bless you.
Signed,
GOLDY
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maxsix · 3 years
Note
[english isn’t my first language so i’m sorry if i didn’t explain myself well or my choice of words were not the best :3 ]
i saw you’re post about kingdom and as much as i hate to admit it i actually agree with you,,
i don’t understand the system of the points like ?? i dont stan either sf9 or ikon but for the life of me i cant understand why they scored so low.. allegedly mnet said that the votes are made by judges and the other groups competing on the show but i cant understand why ikon ranked so low.. it was very clear that the other groups enjoyed their performance going as far as saying that they hope ikon ranks high and as for sf9 you can see the passion and improvement of this stage compared to the intro stage...
don’t get me wrong i love stray kids and they did absolutely amazing on their stage however i feel like there was something missing in their stage i just cant put my finger on it... and not to be *that* person but for some reason this performance of stray kids reminded me a lot of oneus’ performance of “be mine” during rtk..
ALSO, i cant comprehend why the fandoms are fighting (this is a call out to people on stan twt) like i thought we agreed that mnet and their management is trash ?? so why ? are ? we ? wasting ? our ? energy ?? mnet WANTS the fandoms to clash because it kinda encourages being competitive
if the fandoms are competitive = more publicity and views
ALSO the views being part of the criteria of the votes is so stupid !! highkey think mnet only included it in the criteria for the ad revenue
idk these are all personal opinions, i would love to hear about what you think :>
It can’t be based on views because IKON consistently do way better/as good as most of the other groups except SKZ. I like to think that some of us are smarter about this whole competition because this is a deliberate/pre-planned Drama designed by MNET to get more views and revenue. I don’t understand what’s the point in wasting energy in fighting. That’s exactly what they want. 
I don’t watch anything but the individual performance videos (with no reactions/comments edited into it). I don’t understand the points system nor do I care. I also don’t care about the judges opinions. 
I’m a minimalist though. I just want to the talent shine through. I don’t care about props or acrobatics. It’s not a Prop Competition. But that’s just me. People will enjoy Kingdom however they want. 
We know either SKZ or ATEEZ are winning this. I knew that before this even started. I’m not going to be mad about it or anything because they put a high level of effort into all their stages so far but well, I’m still a little sore about Hyunjin and Mingi not being there. There is something missing. You’re not alone in that thought. But considering what both groups have been through, it’s understandable. 
IKON and BTOB ain’t winning shit. We know this too. I’m not mad about it. I just want these guys to have fun. IKON has been through so many survival shows, I highly doubt they’re going to really care about being ranked as losers when their views have been great. The discordance says it all. 
I’ve been an IKON fan since the beginning and they’re never been one for major props/theatrics/acrobatics. It’s just not their style. So if that’s a major criteria in Kingdom, they can expect to rank poorly. 
Anyways. I will look on the bright side of all this. Exposure is good for all their careers. Sympathy votes also counts for a lot haha. I’m not gonna play MNETs game. I’m already a very bitter angry person most of the time so no no MNET, I know your game now bro. 
I invite everyone to enjoy this hilarious masterpiece with me. 
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zuffer-weird-girl · 4 years
Note
I bet you probably got this ask before but what about a scenario where kin brings her boyfriend to meet her parents and brother for the first time?
Im gonna make Kai suffer. Is Kin's destiny to be with someone just as equal as Kai 🤣 (poor baby)
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"Birdy?" You called, snickering at his eye twitch whiel he let go of his papers.
"I thought this nickname was dead woman." He sighed in irritation while standing up with a huff.
"Sorry. Never gets old seing that expression of yours" you giggled before whinjng at his pinch on both of your cheeks "Fine fine! I take it back! I take it back!"
He scoffed while letting go of your cheeks, smirking a bit at the way you whined and rubbed then with a pout.
"Spill it out. You cane here for something, right?" He asked sarcastically while crossing his arms and staring you down.
"Yeah, I did." You stopped rubbing on your cheek and looked up at him "Forst you have to promise that you're not going to freak out okay?"
"Who do you take me for?" He asked in irritation while lifting one of his eyebrows up.
"Just promise. Please." You pleaded and he only rolled his eyes at your qords, but still hesitantly followed them. "Ok. Kai, our daughter is with 15..."
"No shit. I thought she had one year." You deadpanned at his monotonous sarcastic comment before you frowned and piked your tongue out at him.
"Anyway smartass." He pinched your waist for that, makimg you yelp but shortly after continue the topic "She was... interested on someone lasy year and he sounds like a good bo-"
You already let out a hopeless sign at seing his muscles tensed and his glove was already gone while his eyes narrowed dangerously.
"Anyway, she has a boyfriend now sweety."
Silence. You absolutely hated it when he got silent. It showed you the absolute storm that was passing through his brain, and you could see the hints of it by seing the hives appearing on his face and the way his eyes seemed to emit flames of rage.
"Kai.. you promised you were not-"
"Where?"
"Huh?"
"Who and where is that kid?" He growled, making even you shiver a bit.
"Kai what the hell you're planning to do?" You asked a biit hesitantly, already praying for the poor soul and your daughter when you heard his answer.
"I just want to talk."
~
"Sure! He even accepted it!" Your daughter answered while showing her phone, the boy had simply writed a 'K, will be here in a couple of minutes'
You made a worried face while your daughter laughed a bit.
"Geez mom relax! Is not like dad is going to kill him!"
"... do you even know your father?" Kin just simply snickered and got up from her caahir to walk along sides you.
"Mom, chill! Trust me, I got a lot of tastes from you, besides... I thinki it will be fun if dad tasted his own venom for once?" You arched a eyebrow at the way ger golden eyes shined a bit but the devilish smirk was still there.
"What do you mean by that missy?" She merely looked at you and shrugged her shoulders with a smile, greeting with a sweet wave at Mimic passing through.
Oh god, if mimic discovered this you were having TWO killing machines.
For your luck at least your older son was with his girlfriend on somewhere else...
Although when you saw Kin getting smiley and giddly at seing at THAT boy getting out of the car, you looked at her in astonishment and let out a laugh along with her.
The boy had raven hair with the undercut style, had one blue eye while the other was brow as the wood of a tree and by god that stoic face he carried was equivalent to your husband and your sons!. He was wearing the typical black jacket and some boots with jeans as he got out of the the passenger seat, smilling for a fraction of seconds at seing Kin greeting him.
"Ya are the girl's mom miss?" The man ridding the car asked with a cigarate on his mouth, the boy already glared daggers at him.
"Sure am." You giggled while getting closer "Who do I have the pleasure of meeting?"
"No one in special, just that midget's older brother. Wanted to see that cutie of his. Got a good fabric huh?"
"Shut your damn mouth pig." The boy spoked blantly while Kin hushed him a bit.
Oh fuck that was so nostalgic and gave you so many memories of you and Kai your heart did flips.
"I take it ya from the yakusa? Badass as hell since you don't look like the type, but i respect your husband." The man took the cigarette out of his mouth to threw in a nearby trash can "Im going to pick that shrimp later, if he does something wrong I will beat him up."
"P-Please dont do that." You smiled in worry while the man let out a laughter and got out without any words left.
"Mom, this is Naoko. The one I've been gushing about it!" She smiled while the boy scoffed, his skin dusting with the pink blush.
"Apologies for that fucker Daisou. He has no fucking manners." He stoicly said after without a care, widening a bit his eyes when you let out a laugh at his boldness.
Oh god this was going to be so fun.
"Is a pleasure meeting the boy that has got my daughter's attention and love sweety." You bowed before holding his hand, which btw were covered in bruised what the hell child? And gave hin one of your warmest smiles.
"Ny name is Chisaki (Y/n). Call me whatever you feel confortable okay? Welcome to the Shie Hassaikai."
Kin stiffled her giggle at the way Naoko's eyes widened in surprise before he muffled a cough behing one of his bandages fists, muttering a 'thanks' in return.
You were walking a bit until you giggled at the boy's gruff whisper to his girlfriend.
"So is from her that you got all that lovey dovey shit type?"
Yep. This was going to be fun.
~
Kai and Naoko immediately changed threating glares at each other the moment the boy placed his boots at side and looked at the older man face.
"My dad, Chisaki Kai. Dad, Naoko." Kin got between the two, showing with her hand at both of them.
Both only nodded and continued their glares exchange... until you just interrupted with a offer of tea for the guest.
Naoko's gasp got stucked on his throat before he brought a hand to rub the back of his head.
"Is not necessary mrs. But th-"
"Normally is considered rudeness refusing such a offer." Chisaki's eyes narrowed at the raven haired boy "Got no manners?"
"More less." He sighed in irritation before placing his hand on his pocket before glaring uo at him again "Guess we are on the same boat."
Kai's eye twitched a bit at that and his glove was already gone while he tried to not lose his temper.
Luckily for that midget his wife carresed a bit his back doscretly making him calm down. Pure fucking luck.
"I heard you are quite a troublesome young man Naoko." You cooed while handing him a cup "My daughter said you beated up someone just last week."
"Quite a example for you Kin. Im shocked that your choices were so poorly." Kjn glared at her father while Naoko merely scoffed and stared back at you, a hint of gratitude on his stoic different color eyes.
"Sure. Little shits wouldn't stop bitching about Kin not having a fucking quirk so I beated their asses." He said nonchantly before sipping on his cup.
Chisaki's eyebrow lifted up a bit, both disgust at his poor vocabulary but soon interested on why exactly he beated those kids.
"Kin, I thiught that whenever thise things happened you need to come talk with me and your mother or even Chrono and Mimic." Jai muttered at her while she shrugged.
"I didn't told anyone. Wasn't going to waste mh or others time with a bunch of filth." Naoko znickered at that, still with his lips touching the cup.
Chisaki merely sighed and thanked you through his gaze for giving him a cup of tea and for sitting next to him.
"Your actions remind me of someone I know very well Naoko." You said sweetly, giggling a bit at the way Chisaki glared at you.
Dont compare him with a brat.
"Sure." The boy replied while putting his cup on the coffe table "But I gotta tell. Kin still can kick some ass."
"Vocabulary is quite poor of yours." Chisaki spoked with a eyebrow lifted up while Naoko did the exact same thing.
"My way of speaking. Is just like that, not going to change either." He sighed before looking at Kin with a glare "Little shit beated me up on a match when I met her."
Kin laughed while Kai's jaw tighten in hate at the way Naoko called his daughter.
"Match? Does the school still does that?" You asked, remembering at all teh times you got called to "control your son" because whenever those happened your Kaito always sended one or three to the infirmary.
"Shitty teachers say is because we have to improve our quirks, and told me to go easy on her... although I wasn't going to go easy, this brat knocked me out." He stated simply, smirling at Kin's laugh.
"You were distracted! Is not my fault." She sayed in protest.
"I see that thise training were worth it for something." Kai sighed before glaring at Naoko "So you do have a quirk?" He asked, disgust completely visible on his voice.
"A shitty one, but yeah." He smirked at Kin, more love showed in his eyes "But at least is useful for something."
"He can summon whatever weapon he wants in just one snap of fingers! Kin sayed in enthusiasm "It last for at least fifteen minutes, but is so cool!"
"Is not much, stop gushing about me in front of your parents idiot." She smirked at him before he messed with her dark brow hair affectionately.
You and Kin were just gone for a few minutes, she went to talk to you and gush even more about her boyfriend; leaving both man staring at each other.
Chisaki had to admit that this brat was a brave soul, because he didn't even once flinched at his glares or even got scared or sad from his comments.
"Spill it out. What do you think of daughter?" He growled threateningly, Naoko simply stared at him for a few minutes before the kid closed his hands together with a sigh, laying his elbows on his legs as he lowered his head for the first time that day.
"She is just too good for this world." He sighed a bit as he glared at the coofe table "She gets so fucking teased and bullied for being from here, yet she doesn't mistreat anyone on that cursed place..."
He arched one of his eyebrows... Kin indeed was a oure soul that it was even difficult to believe that she was his daughter...
"Not only that but I came from a shitty family as well. Yet she didn't even looked down at me once, despite her status and all of that shit. Kindness... is something rare in this god for saken world."
He was having fucking chills of his own past and didn't liked that one bit. But he still kept his posture and continued with his judgmental stare at the boy.
"She is just..." he let out a bitter chuckle "Too fucking pure for this world..." he looked up at Chisaki with narrowing blue and brow eyes "I want to protect her and make her happy, and honestly I could give two rat ass about you not accepting me or whatever shit. But I want to make your daughter happy and safe... and I have a feeling that you did the same with your wife somehow."
He made a amusement face before sogji g and crossing his arms, looking at the direction of where his daughter went along with his wife.
"My wife is the purest thing in this world. She is not sick like many I came to know of..." he looked at Naoko "If you wish to protect and make my daughter happy, then I womt stop you... But-" his eyes went murderous as his voice lowered "Dare. Even dare to make one single tear fall from her eyes, that i will give you a punishment equivalent to what we do here with traitors of the yakusa."
"Trust me, if I ever make her cry I will come here asking for you to beat me up."
Chisaki couldn't help but smirk underneath his mask after that.
"I still dont trust you. But my daughter seems to enjoy your presence, so I will tolerate. But change your vocabulary, is disgusting."
"Only by my fucking dead cold body."
Ok this kid is surely going to get on his nerves a lot.
Kin made a happy squeal as she looked at the scene discretly with you.
"He let it mom! My Naoko is the best!"
"Sure. You passed the big boss my bee. But now you got to have lucky with both of your brothers and Iri aka remember?"
Her face fell into a stoic one before looking at you with a face equivalent to her father
"Way to ruin the moment mom." You snickered before she chuckled along.
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heartbreakgrill · 4 years
Text
Circles; Harry Styles Pt. 2
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“Remember Frankie? From World History? She has a baby now,” you remarked, voice like lyrics over the rhythm of your white tennis shoes and Harry’s leather boots stepping in time on the concrete bike path.
Leaves occasionally fell, crunching under your feet, sticks and stones on the path being kicked or broken away. The fall wind blew gently, waving strands of your air in front of your face. You had decided against lipgloss, luckily because your hair was so unruly. Harry’s curls, a beautiful feature of his which you always admired, were flopping with each step. You found your eyes trailing from his cheek to his hair consistently, simply admiring. He didn’t catch on much, his own focus glancing between you and the ground beneath his feet.
Lunch had been wonderful. He took to you the local pub, where you sat in the corner, knees bumping against each other after every movement. You shared a basket of fries, ate your own sandwiches and drinks. You caught up on everything: Your studies in London, who your friends were these days, the last boy who broke your heart. He told you about Louis and Niall, and only a little of Liam and Zayn. He explained the sketchiness of his management, the stress of touring, but his excitement on stage. You admitted to have listened to his two albums the night before and told him Little Thins became a quick favorite. You told him about your plan to move to New York when you finished University in order to delve into the world of international journalism.
After lunch, you didn’t want to leave one another, lingering in front of the door, still chatting, when you remembered the local bike trails. (“Gosh, I haven’t been there in forever.” “Same here.”)
So, now, you were strolling along, hands in pockets and elbows bumping somewhat. He replied to your comment about a forgotten classmate with, “God, its strange to think about people we know having children. Were only 19.”
You shrugged, “That’s normal around here, I guess. People settle down straight away, let go of their dreams for simpler, easier things.”
“I could’ve done that,” Harry spoke with a whispery tone. “Sometimes I wish I would’ve.”
You didn’t want to poke and prod at a comment that could turn into something bigger and moved on. “You’ve got money. Be happy.” Of course, this was a joke.
Harry laughed, “Money cant buy happiness.”
“Oh, I’m sure it could buy mine.” He glanced at you inquisitively. “Well, Im constantly stressed in London because of work and school. Its stressful and exhausting paying for my apartment and class and food and life.”
Harry frowned somewhat, “That’s part of the reason I hate it sometimes. I’m so lucky and undeserving of all I get just because I can sing and I’m attractive. You work so hard for what you have and you still struggle. It’s unfair.”
You retrieved your hand from your pocket and pushed him lightly, “I’m just confused as to who said you were attractive.”
He blushed deeply, his eyes downcast and shy. Suddenly he met your eyes and shrugged his shoulders. “You did say I was cute.”
Your own cheeks quickly turned red. “I’m gonna avoid my problems.” Your pace quickened and you began to walk away from Harry.
He giggled, emitting a grin on your face, and walked fast. Harry reached out and grabbed you around the waste, spinning you around in his arms. You caught yourself on his shoulders, feeling his warm breath combat the cold on your cheeks. He grinned cheekily down at you, eyebrows raised.
“I didn’t lie,” you unashamedly spoke. “Ive always thought you were cute. Hell, the only reason I came to the bakery so much was because of you.”
“What about the muffins?” He mused.
“Harry, a girl gets sick of eating muffins every single Saturday for 2 years in a row.”
He chuckled, squeezing your waist gently. But, then, his eyes fell slightly, his lips molding into a frown. His grip loosened and he almost stepped back. But, he didn’t. “Do you wanna go on a date tomorrow? With me?”
“I’d really like it if you could get Niall’s number for me, but I guess you’ll do,” you whipped your head around in exclamation.
He scoffed, laughing loudly, before pulling you against his chest. You just stood there, hugging each other lightly, though you were shivering in the breeze. Soon after, he walked you home and even kissed your cheek prior to leaving. You giddily walked up to your bedroom, bare of much decoration because of your schooling situation. You closed the door and leant against like a heartsick teenager. You felt the same way you did two years ago, head over innocent heels for some stupid boy. You didn’t know if this would work, given your future career and his present one. You didn’t know what his favorite color was, but he did telll you his favorite way to drink tea. You didn’t know who his childhood cartoon crush was, but you knew that when he looked at you, your stomach was in flames.
You didn’t know what you would regret in the future, as no one does. So you decided to jump.
-
Harry had definitely gone on Pinterest.
When you opened your door (only knowing he would be arriving at the time he did because you spent the entire afternoon, night, and morning texting one another) you immediately smelled the sweet fragrance of men’s cologne. It was nice, slightly overwhelming, but nice nonetheless. He held a bouquet of red roses, your favorite because you told him you were a fan of cliches. He wore a jade green button-up, short-sleeve dress shirt. It was obviously new, given away by the fact that there were creases in his sleeves. (His favorite color was ocean blue, by the way, and yours was the color of his shirt.) In his other hand was a picnic basket, which he held up to you after he handed off the roses.
“It’s freezing outside, Harry,” you giggled whilst motioning him to step inside. He did, following you into the kitchen.
You set the roses up in a vase as he replied, “I know. But its okay because I have a really nice idea.”
“Okay, I trust you,” you spoke reassuringly. You turned towards him from your spot by the counter.
Harry’s eyes trailed over your figure, clad in a long-sleeve, ocean blue wrap top tucked into a pair of blue jeans which stopped just above your black ankle boots. Gold jewelry dangled above the neckline and from your ears, your hair tied up in a low messy bun which took too much effort. “You look lovely, by the way.”
“You, too,” you grinned, meeting his eyes. “Guess we both thought of impressing one another.”
“I went to three different stores to find this,” he spoke as you began to lead him back to the front door.
“Uh, me, too. Don’t act so special,” you grabbed your coat off the rack and slipped your arms through it. Harry laughed.
You bid farewell to your parents, who were watching television in the living room. They gushed over Harry, about to ask him a million questions when you said, “Dinner reservations, sorry, got to go!”
You grabbed his hand and pulled him out the door. You didn’t let go, and neither did he, but he had to in order to open your door. You hadn’t expected this and hesitantly slid into the passenger seat. “Thanks.” You told him once he started the car.
After a few moments of adjustable, comfortable silence, you piped up again, “So, where exactly are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
You arrived to a park two towns over after half an hour. It was massive, with lookout spots all over the hills. He parked in one with the trunk of his mum’s car facing out over the countryside. He opened your door for you, again, and led you to the back of the car.
“Okay, Ted Bundy,” you giggled lightly, walking ahead of him.
“Oh, please, I dont want to kill you,” he scoffed, popping the trunk. “At least not until the nights over.”
“Why not?” You held his eyes, not yet looking to the trunk.
He shrugged, “Because I have to get a goodnight kiss first.”
He left you stunned, cheeks red and eyes wide. Harry sat down in the trunk, leaning back against the pillows and blankets decorating the small space. You grinned at him, as he was awaiting your reaction. He leant a hand and helped you settle next to him. You both crossed your legs in order for him to set the picnic basket down. He shut the trunk, the heater cranked up and the radio playing.
“Were wasting so much gas,” you laughed, shedding your coat.
Harry took it from you, folded it, and set it on the folded down back seats. He took off his own, “Dont worry about it. I’m rich, remember?”
You tossed your head back with a loud laugh. The hours flew by from there on: He had made finger sandwiches, which you ate with liberation, and homemade lemonade packaged in a thermos. His mother helped him melt chocolate and cover strawberries in it. He had even made a mini cake at the bakery and packaged it all nicely for you two to share. You talked about everything you hadn’t already discussed: Music, books, television, his supporting act on tour, your favorite professors. You told him about your dumb job waitressing, about the lady who had tipped you one-hundred euros.
Once you were done, you helped him pack up the trash. He set the picnic basket in the front seat before shutting off the car. The sunroof was closed, but the stars were visible through it. He laid down on the blankets, head smushing the pillows. You sat there for a moment, feeling slightly awkward, before he motioned for you to lay down, too.
You cleared your throat, face hot and body stiff, before doing so. There were barely a few inches between you, but Harry made sure there were none. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders and tugged you into him. You took the liberation to lean your head on his chest and lay your arm across his stomach. No words were exchanged, but they didn’t need to be. Everything that you could learn had probably already been said: Deeper stories, moments, could be exchanged later. A bond was now established and you already knew what was coming.
For now, you could only enjoy the moments that he was here: His hand in yours when he drove you home; hand in yours as you led him to the front door; lazily smiling down at you; a gentle, comforting hug; his eyes flickering between yours, your lips; his breath fanning closer until he stole his goodnight kiss.
“Guess you can kill me now.”
TAG LIST: @mantlereid , @boxofteenageideas , @dinosaursandsocks @ashhdaniellee95 @heartbreakcity @sadhwstudent
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adramaticbeauty · 4 years
Text
Fairies and Dragonflies- Part 6 Unsettling Past
Gray couldn't get the words out of his head. The words that Juvia uttered so sweetly, but stabbed him slowly in his heart. When was the last time he actually heard something so harsh? He was Gray Fullbuster, rich enough to buy what ever he desired. So why did it matter what that minx thought? It was honestly insulting that she even thought she could reject him like that. Not the way she did it, honestly it was disrespectful to his reputation as the woman handler of the Dragonflies. There were plenty of women way more beautiful and even more alluring than Juvia, so he shouldn't even have wasted his time.  If he truly thought this though, why exactly was he sitting at a fancy restaurant with a lady, thinking so much about her? The red haired woman dangling her fork lazily over her food, and red lipstick delicately applied to her plump lips was sitting across from him.
"Ummm, Mr.Fullbuster are you ok?" She blinked in concern. Gray immediately snapped back into reality and quickly put on his dazzling smile he always used to make women's hearts melt in an instant. She smiled bashfully as you could see the subtle blush on her face, the red curls covering her face starting to match her cheeks.
"I'm just so dazed by your beauty that I couldn't think straight, Alison." Gray slipped out.
The furious blush on her face proved exactly what he always thought. Girls were so easy to understand, and all of them thought the same. That's why he could get whatever girl he wanted with a snap of his fingers.
"Oh, Mr.Fullbuster please... you're making me blush." She purred as she carefully touched his hand on the table, and Gray felt her slowly wrap her leg around his under the table.
If this was any other day, Gray would already be feeling excited but sadly the excitement never came. Even as they made it into his apartment, stumbling from all the drinks and tripping over things he just didn't feel anything. Like he was back to his regular routine.
He laid in bed, with the woman sleeping soundly beside him. He couldn't help but feel unhappy, or should he say unsatisfied with his life. Was that all their was too it? Just spending the night with different women he didn't even bother to get to know and making his music? Was there even anything else besides that, ever since he lost his mother and father? And Ur...The only thing he worried about at first was making it big so he could survive and keep living. But was this truly all to living, when his heart craved something more? He didn't know what, but he knew by now listening to his heart was asking for trouble. Or pain and he couldn't deal with any more of that, not again.
As he closed his eyes, he felt all these conflicting emotions in his heart beginning to fade along with his thoughts. He always felt most at peace when his mind was at rest. Free from the drama and free from the life of Gray Fullbuster.  And he didn't think he would ever be able to be just  Gray around anyone. Until he dreamt of her, and it was ironic considering he dreamt of another woman while he was lying in the bed with another.
But it felt so real, like he could just reach out and touch the silky blue hair, so blue like the ocean, he was convinced he would drown in it. And then the atmosphere suddenly turned ice cold, making him suddenly feel unsettled. Everywhere he turned he was met with the familiar sight of snowflakes falling from the darkened sky. The cool whiteness covering his sight from any other background. All of a sudden he was met with a warm pair of black coal eyes that stared right into his soul, and into his heart. Ur, it must have been. Right into his dream those eyes that were full of so much admiration ever since she took care of him all those years ago. Those eyes that were once full of so much love, but were now dead cold and without life.
Gray woke up in a cold sweat, almost falling out of his bed if he didn't catch himself. His bed was now cold and empty, and messy from his tossing and turning. He hoped that he didn't say anything he might have regretted while he was having his nightmare. He would never forgive himself for being so weak in front of a woman if that was the case. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he picked up his phone to look at the time. He took a deep breath to calm himself but quickly sucked a breath back in. He was late. Again.
He would never live this down from the boys and Gray mentally facepalmed, already imagining the lecture he would get from Jellal. He tumbled out of the bed almost, as he slipped on pants and  the first shirt he could grab from his closet. He rushed to put on his shoes until he noticed a cup of  coffee on his glass kitchen table with a note beside it. Have a good day at work Gray<3. He couldn't help but smirk, even when he was running late.
Alison was always pretty thoughtful, even if she was really a fuck buddy and he using her only for company sometimes. And too bad he hated coffee. The ride to the band practice building was a hectic one. The traffic almost made him pull out his raven hair, especially when he was already late. But at least he had a bit of an excuse for being late now, that wouldn't be an exact lie. When Gray finally made it across the street he didn't even bother putting his vehicle into the private parking garage like he always did and just drove to pull up in front of the building. And what Gray saw was chaos.
Absolute chaos, and as soon as he was spotted, there was no going back. Everyone spotted his famous black and Gray sports car and it was unmistakably the famous Gray Fullbuster's vehicle. Thankfully there were bodyguards to make a path for him to get inside the building with all the chaos going on. Now Gray regretted not having a driver. But they did always cramp his style. Gray took a deep breath as he stepped out of his car and unto the path into the building. All he could see was flashes of cameras and hear  jumbling of questions. He could barely make it to the door without the crowds of reporters tearing him to pieces, but when he did he hurried inside. Once inside he spotted Jellal with a serious and somewhat worried face staring down at a newspaper. Gajeel was sitting down as normal tuning his guitar, but a thoughtful look on his face. Nastu had a bored look on his face as usual.
"So tell me why we can't go and talk to the paparazzi Jellal? Obviously they want to talk to me." Nastu commented with a groan afterward. Gajeel couldn't help but growl and put in his two cent.
"They aren't here for you idiot. And we can't say anything to the paparazzi without figuring out the situation first. And that starts with this fucking douche."
He suddenly turned his steely eyes to Gray, and he couldn't help but feel a bit afraid for a second.
"What the hell is going on outside?? Why is the paparazzi practically breaking down the doors to the building?"
Jellal took a big sigh and walked over to hand Gray the newspaper that hadn't left his hands ever since he walked in. Then he met Gray's eyes with a stern look.
"You deserve us all an explanation. Now."
 Gray was about to raise his voice and question why the hell everyone was jumping on his case, before his eye caught a familiar look on the newspaper. It showed a picture, and not just any picture. It was of Gray and Juvia, walking together.
The only thing Gray could muster was an ,"Oh shit."
Gray and Juvia were seen together on their date.
Note: Last chapter: Part 5 https://adramaticbeauty.tumblr.com/post/189410081835/gruvia-band-au-part-5
Part 4 :https://adramaticbeauty.tumblr.com/post/188806970725/gruvia-band-au-part-4
Part 3: https://adramaticbeauty.tumblr.com/post/187638388485/gruvia-band-aupart-3-warning-some-of-this-might
Part 2 :https://adramaticbeauty.tumblr.com/post/187483175670/gruvia-band-au
Part 1:
https://adramaticbeauty.tumblr.com/post/187436745130/gruvia-band-au
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pinkykitten · 5 years
Text
I’m here for you
13 Reasons Why
Clay Jensen x female! reader
Warning: did not re-read, sexual assault, mentions of suicide, takings of sexual assault, cursing 
Specifics: angst, romance, one-shot, race neutral reader
People: clay jensen, bryce walkers, jessica davis, parents 
Words: 1,398
Requested: By anon can you do an imagine where you go to clay after you’re sexually assaulted and he comforts you and everything? it happened to me somewhat recently and idk i just need like comfort. it’s okay if you don’t wanna write it.
Authors Note: now this has a lot of stuff in it so if you cannot read this i totally understand so i put all the writing under the cut so you would have to see anything if you didnt want to. i am so sorry anon that you again had to go through something like this. its not easy and is so terrible and heartbreaking, my heart is with you in these tough times. if you need to maybe read this with somebody near by you, maybe a friend or adult if these trigger you. If you need to as well talk to someone pls do, call the hotline and talk with a trusted person. if yall dont have that you guys can whenever talk to me about whatever i am here for you 24/7 no matter what.
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He touched you. You didn’t want it. It wasn’t love and it wasn’t normal. He didn’t listen to your cries; your screams; your protests. He didn’t leave you alone or move. He knew you didn’t want it, him, but yet he chose to keep touching you. 
You crouched by Bryce’s closet; sobbing into your hands. Your mascara dripping down your face and landing on your carpet. Your lips quivered as you replayed what happened moments before. 
You had gone to Bryce’s house to finish a project you had with him. You didn’t really know him so you were not worried. As you entered into his house you then started to have an unsettling feeling. He was alone and it was just you and him. 
“It okay y/n. I’ll take good care of you,” he would say to you. Feeding your expectations of him and lying to you. “This is normal. I know you want this.” He whispered into your ear as you tried to push him off. He was greedy and selfish not caring about you. Now you understood why Hannah killed herself. 
After Bryce took advantage of you he pushed you off like a piece of trash. Like you were an object instead of a person; a woman. Thoughts raced into your mind as you thought of the way his hands pinched and hurt your skin; leaving bruises littered all over your body. 
It was hard to stand up. You were shaking. You looked beyond the doorway and noticed he had left somewhere else. With everything that you had you sprinted to his window. Unlocking the hinges made a noise and you heard Bryce yell. 
“Hey what the f*ck are you doing?” He screamed as you heard his footsteps near you. 
With everything that you had you unlocked the window and opened it; jumping out. You ran down the street away from the monster. 
Bryce saw you leave. His eyes squinting as he licked his lips. Proud and satisfied with what he did to you. Drinking the last bit of alcohol he had in his cup. He had to make sure you didn’t say a word; that you kept your mouth shut. 
You ran like he was still behind you; never looking back until you reached home. Your parents were out of town for the week so you truly did feel alone. You locked your doors and fell into your bed; crying. You sobbed into your pillow. You felt the innocence drain out of you. Your trust in people disappear. 
“Why me?” You groaned as you felt sick to your stomach. The moments, the feeling, the words, smell, taste, everything never leaving you. It was as if it was engraved in your mind. You wish you could forget it; leave it. Dig it up somewhere far away. You remembered every second of it. 
You wanted to call Clay; your best friend but you were afraid as to what he would say. Afraid he would want to start a fight with Bryce. Maybe even afraid he wouldn’t believe you. You stared longingly at his number on your phone; wishing he was here with you. 
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“Clay you haven’t seen y/n, right?” Jessica asked, lifting a piece of paper to show him that they have a science project to do together. “I haven’t seen her in like forever.”
Clay licked his lips. Trying to remember the last time he did see you. Its been a while. You hadn’t gone to school in about 3 days already and Clay was worried about you. “Yeah, you’re right. I haven’t seen y/n at all actually. Maybe she went with her parents.”
“Well I just wonder because we we’re supposed to go over this yesterday.”
“Maybe she’s not feeling good. I’ll pass by her house today.”
After school Clay got on his bike and rode off quickly to your house. A part of him felt at ease and another felt worried. What if something happened to you? He would not be able to live with himself knowing two of the most important people in his life had something bad happened to them. Hannah and now you.
“Y/n!” Clay said as he motioned over to your door. He rang the doorbell and waited. His feet tapping gently against the cement floor. “Y/n open up please!” 
He looked at his phone and noticed you never texted back all those texts he sent you. Concerned, he started knocking then knocking turned into pounding. “Y/n I said open the God d*amn door please!” Clay walked back and was about to run into the door but you opened it just in time. 
“Clay! What the f*ck?” You asked, surprised. You were wrapped up in your pajamas. Your face all gloomy looking and not kept up with. You looked like you hadn’t seen the sun in ages as your eyes squinted at the light. You looked like a mess. “What do you want?”
Clay thought it was odd that she was acting fine when he knew something was up. “I just, you didn’t come to school today or the other days and I just wanted to check up on you.”
“Well you did and I’m fine.” You tried closing the door but Clay stopped you, putting his hand out. 
“Y/n, whats really going on?”
You bit your nails as you looked down; trying not to cry. “I’m fine really. Now just leave me alone.”
“No, I’m not going to. Y/n you’re pretending. You’re pretending to be okay when you’re not. I know somethings up. You usually text me and you didn’t this time. You usually tell me everything and now you’re keeping sh*t away from me. What the f*ck is going on?”
“Its him okay!” You cried out, rubbing your forehead from the pain increasing there. “It was...him.”
“Who’s him?”
You looked left and right outside and brought Clay in by the sleeve. “Clay...Bryce...Bryce did stuff to me.”
Clay knitted his eyebrows and placed his hands on your arms. “What do you mean y/n? What did Bryce do?”
“He,” tears started to poor from your eyes. “He sexually assaulted me Clay. He did things to me that I didn’t want. I said no Clay. I said no.” You sobbed harder as Clay brought you to his chest. Your face pressed against his chest so you could hear his heart beat quicken. 
Clay’s face reddened as he became so angry. All he wanted was to protect you and now you were hurt. “I am so sorry y/n.” He was so irate that he couldn’t search for the words at the moment to help soothe you. He just let you cry into his chest as he patted your back. 
“Clay, he took that piece away from me. That piece of myself. I wanted to tell you this for a while but I like you Clay, a lot. You are a good guy, you’re kind and sweet and you’re always making sure I’m alright but now I can’t be with you. I’m wasted. I’m disgusting. I’ve been touched and I’m vile now. I’ve been spoiled. I’m a wasteful mess.” You fell onto your knees as you cried into your hands. 
Clay was so shocked. He never knew you felt that way about him. He also got on his knees and brought you onto his lap, rocking you as he embraced you. “You’re none of those things. This is not your fault, this is Bryce’s. He will pay for what he has done I will make sure of that. As for you, you are more than enough. I don’t deserve you. You are strong to have gone through this. You are powerful. You will achieve and make it on top. I am here for you y/n. I will make sure no one ever touches you again. You mean so much to me y/n. You are perfect in every way. I love you for the woman you have become. You are incredible. Don’t let him take control of you. You did not deserve this but you do deserve happiness and love. If you want me I am here for you.” Clay kissed your knuckles as he soothed you on the floor, tears dripping from his eyes as well. “You mean so much to me and so much to others in your life. Just know that. I’m here for you y/n, I am here for you.” 
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Tag list: @harrington-lover, @angelgl16, @perfectlybeautifulsuit, @hyehoney, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly, @totally-alexa21, @creamy-pasta-boi, @multireese, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @prentisskelley, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople, @collectiveyou, @wtfisalltherandoms, @dirbel, @eastcoasthaven, @fangirl-4-life415 (wont let me tag),
wanna be tagged in my crap? comment!
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strawberryspeachy · 4 years
Text
So on the last day of july i went clubbing
Almost immediately met a cute boy and he asked me to go to a hotel with him. I debated but ultimately went with him. He asked if i wanted to go on a date because fucking japanese assholes equate date with hotel.
Went. Hooked up. Then. He said he wanted to go back to the club because otherwise “it would be a waste of his night”
Yeah
So... went back.... watched him look for another girl. And felt like shit
Eventually a boy that was ok looking talked to me. I didnt ignore him and he got excited over me talking to him after having ignored other boys. I didnt intend to continue talking to him but he was so excited the entire time and was nice so i just stayed with him.
We left together and sat on some sidewalk and talked. I saw that both his arms had cut marks all over them
And as a fucked up person... i stupidly think that other fucked up people will be as empathetic as i try to be and my depressed friends back home
He told me some of his shitty homelife - apparently he doesnt have parents
He asked me to go to a hotel with him and i said no... so we went to eat instead...
He kept being overly nice (in words) told me that he works at an old folks home and that he wants to learn english and come to america and help me take care of my mom.... in a sudden way
Rationally im not stupid and know that was a line. But im pretty stupid in general
He kept asking me to be his gf and i told him id need to go on a date with him to decide that
I just wanted to say no but...
He didnt pay for my meal - ya im one of those girls that that bothers
We seperated and he continued to text my the next few days. We set up a date. He asked me to go to him in yokohama - an hour away from tokyo
Since id never been there i said yes. But this meant i had to pay an expensive train ticket
He did pay for dinner and afterwards convience store for me... mostly... asking if i had change
He wanted to drink at the pier and insisted i get a drink but didnt pay for it
And then took me back to his apartment
It ended up being fun
The next morning while he was showering i was just poking around at his stuff. Not actually looking for anything just curious about the things he has
I looked at his wallet (honestly to see the design but i also always wonder why japanese guys are so comfortable leaving money around who is generally a stranger)
And then. I found. Picture from a photobooth. Him amd soem girl. It was dated from a week before.
He told me the night we met that he broke up with his ex a year ago. But this picture looked very much like a couple
I asked him about it and he just said sorry and threw it in the trash (not a real trash. It could easily be taken out) he said it was from a year ago
After. Bit i took it out amd pointed at the date. He literally hummed and refused to comment ...but he told me hell only see me...
I shouldn’t take that as enough but i did and told him when i got home that ill only se him too. I told him i liked him - and to this point he kept saying he likes me over and over. He has not said it since this. Just said he was happy that i used his name.
After that i went to okinawa for a few days. He told me his sim card broke and he doesnt have wifi unless he goes to a convience store (as an excuse to text slow)
I got back the next week and stayed home all week from a yeast infection that i think he gave me. When he barely responded i told him that
Then he responded continuously telling me that i just got it on my own and hes healthy so it wasnt him
That weekend i went drinking with some friends and messaged him. He responded immediately and i called him. Asking when his phone got fixed. He told me the day before
Then he told me he has pink eye and sent a picture. He said he cant go out of his house because of it
The next week was my birthday. He said hed be cured the day after and we could celebrate. Then he cancelled saying the doc told him hes still contagious
A few days after he sent me a picture of him with makeup on and contacts in saying he went to the salan. I responded immediately asking if he was still contagious and tried to call. He ignored me
I tried to call more throughout the day
Nothing
Over 24 hours pased so i used another account to say hi to him. After 2 hours he responded to the fake account asking who it was
And i flipped the fuck out. I told him a bunch of reasons why he sucked and that he did and fuck him
Then he responded to me with long messages. Many of which i couldnt understand (hes used incorrect kanji before that which makes translation strained)
His excuse was that he felt sick and slept for 20 hours (but he ignored me for over 27)and that he wanted to answer his texts in order. That he doesnt look at him phone much and then got mad at me for not being worried about him and instead getting mad
He didnt addresss any of my complaints like the fact that if im his gf i should be a priority
But because im a sucked i felt bad for trying to hurt him and apologized.... he said hed forgive me if i buy him an accessory next time we hung out...
Yeah. Red flags. I too if i had other options... would have said. Thats a weird way to accept an apology.
Also before (on that first date) when we talked about our bdays cause his was a bit before mine. I asked him what hed wanna do as a late celebration. He immediately told me he wanted yakiniku (an expensive meat meal) and clothes or accessorys from an expensive brand he likes...
So he continued to take over 24 hours to reply to me. With very small responces - he never asks me questions. I asked him to call the night before i went camping and he said he couldnt because he was too drunk from drinking with friends. I went camping and came back and got him on the phone. I demanded him to call and he said he couldnt cause he was tired from work and would the following day
I told him it makes me upset that he doesnt talk to me and that i constantly dont feel good because of him. He just said sorrry. I planned to say this is over if he didnt agree to meet me. But he agreed to a date the coming sunday... the day before i began work again. He said hed come to tokyo and and had a plan. It sounded fun.
Well come sunday morning.... he cancelled. He said he didnt have money. I tried to call him several times and he ignored me.
I confronted him in person. He got mad at me for it. Said he got some sort debt collection and got frauded... someone used his name to take out money and he has to pay court. He said he doesnt have money because of it.
I asked why he never tells me whats going on with him (because im dumb and beleive this... actually i dont. I hope hes being honestly and just has really bad luck but)
This time like last time i told him the way he treats me is how really awful boys who are using me and playing with me treat me. And i cant trust him if hes like this but doesnt tell me why
Well...i was there... i offered to pay for out date.... besides the 11 dollars it takes to get to him
He asked me to put 5 dollars on his train card.... it takes 3 dollads to get to and from where we went. He... mad sure no matter where we would eat it would cost 40 bucks - wanting to drink alc and such. It costed 43 dollars. He wanted starbucks but i kinda said no by saying i dont rlly like starbucks - but he still wanted to get a dessert - 3 dollars
And... he wanted me to buy him that aftermentioned accessory... a ring. He looked at very expensive ones... i... would not have paid for even as stupid as i am.. the one he got was 15 or 25 I forget which...
The thing is... if he wasnt actually... if i wasn’t comfortable being with him i woulda stopped this before... unfortunately. As usual. Despite initially not being attracted to him i really enjoyed his company and find him to be fun...
He said that we should go home at 8 i asked about going back to him place and he said no because hes tired and has work the next day. He knows i also do too. At the same time. And i tried to convince him and he kept saying no. Then i asked doesnt he wanna have sex. He said that we should go to a hotel. And i protested that hotels are expensive and his apartments free and just a cheap train station away. He said hes too tired and just wants to sleep at his apartment but hotels are exciting so hed be awake at a hotel.
He pushed them and i said at that point id be spending like 100 dollars on the day and he knows i also dont have a lot of money.
We awkwardly went to a manga cafe that was only 5 dollars but it wanted you to make a card that costs 5 more dollads. And then i got fussy because too much stress literally makes me lose control of my emotions.
It fucking sucks and i hate it. I have no fucking control over my emotions when my stress is bubbling (which it almost always is) and boils over.
I asked him if he can even pay just the 5 dollars and he said he has no money. I asked how hes gonna get to work with literally no money and he said his conpany pays for it (yea japanese conpanies pay AFTER you go )
We left. It was a bad mood. He didnt storm away from me even though i was basically crying in the street (i have had this happen with even friends. I start crying and they just walk away so even though it should be expected of someone claiming to be your bf... ya)
Anyhow i told him i just wanted to cuddle and talk and kiss
He looked annoyed but i guess he thought those wants were cute and looked for a isolated place
Because were in japan
Couldnt find one cause we were in a city and he again just started saying lets go home. That hes tired and not in the mood.
But we were in a quiet enough play.
And im bitching here but ill take a quick break to say i kept hugging him and stuff which he liked despite saying he was really embarrassed
He told me ealier ok that because of this debt thing hes gonna work two jobs
Which. Terrified me. The first guy I went on a date with in Japan asked me to be his gf and to move in with him and said he had to work two jobs for a month to afford to move so he wouldnt have time to see me. He told me his progress for two weeks and then ghosted me.
This boy told me hell make time to see me when i complained about not doing anything physical when i wouldnt see him again for who knows how long
Welp. Todays saturday and that was sunday. And while at first i thought he was trying because he replied to my messages in or at 24 hours for a few days. Its gone back to the 17 hours
And i asked him to talk on the phone
And he just said not tonight because after his current job hes working at home too
And because im dumb ive waisted my whole saturday waiting for him to reply and crying.
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