Tumgik
#but I was afraid to accept my love for this art
predetachment · 5 months
Text
Just remember what happens on earth stays on earth
9 notes · View notes
corpsepng · 2 years
Text
Who the fuck am I to have a poetry take bc I was posting the most awful emo shock fodder on public internet in 2010 and still only write objectively bad poetry about objectively nothing
14 notes · View notes
noxtivagus · 1 year
Text
"in your darkest hour, in the blackest night…think of me…and I will be with you. always. for where else could I go? who else could I love but you?" i'm never gna shut up abt this line from ffxiv
#🌙.rambles#[ ffxiv. ]#the self-love in lvl 70 quests >>>>#honestly my interpretation of it is#yeah. no one could love you any better than your own self#n what this quote means to me rlly helped me a lot in the past few years#when i'm remember n hold unto myself#of how i've come this far bcs i'm me yk?#this 2023 i really won't be so afraid anymore#i'll hesitate less i won't hide as much#the only things that rlly. weigh me down i think are#the. inevitable loneliness n#the weight of the past that i love so much.. bcs i really do value life so much. it's too much for me bcs i feel too much n think too much#n i want to do so much but#yk as long as i'm. me. i think i'll manage somehow#i'll make my way through as i always have#it's just a bit lonely when i think about it but yk i do have my family i do have my friends n i'll always have apollo#music literature stories video games art or wtvr just really mean so much to me bcs i can express myself freely n truthfully#but it's so bittersweetly human to not be able to do as much as i want n i don't think i've completely accepted it despite#knowing n being so aware of it. but i'm still.. young after all.#random thought but i rlly like my hair today i hope it'll still be like this on the fair 🫣#ARGHHH I WANT TO WRITE SO MUCH BUT I'M A BIT TIRED RN BCS OF WALKING OUTSIDE W APOLLO#ONE DAY ONE DAY we will adopt some of the strays here 🥺 starting next week we're gna help the volunteers here feed them#yk what i'm gna get things done now n i'll stop writing >< i'll. fix my tumblr one day. yes. but for now i'll focus on myself.
3 notes · View notes
omori-headspace · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media
i aint feeling too sunny today
(im venting in the tags so. yeah)
0 notes
gr1mstar · 3 months
Note
I was wondering if you can do a how each of the of love deepspace men propose or maybe wedding day thanks
Tumblr media
BE MINE FOREVER `✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹
note. hello, i love this idea, thank you for your request and sorry for the long wait :). i hope this is to your liking, i chose to make it a proposal headcanon because in my opinion the weddings would be the same? kinda. whatever, i hope you like this anon.
contains. love and deepspace boys x reader headcanons, fluff, wedding proposal, just our boys being shy and nervous proposing to you.
Tumblr media
ZAYNE
zayne wants the moment to be perfect, planning every single detail just to be sure you’re going to like it. his plan is to propose to you in a restaurant - that he rent out just for you - with roses and expensive champagne. simple, elegant, but in his mind, the words he says are the most important in the proposal, not how it looks like.
the moment is indeed, perfect.
sitting in one knee, the box with the ring inside, sparkling. it’s beautiful. the ring is expensive but elegant, with a single diamond and delicate. from the looks of it you can see it’s custom made, and you are sure that it fits you perfectly, being zayne the perfectionist that he is.
“i know i’m not the best man in the world, but with this ring i promise i will try to be, just for you. i love you, i will love you for an eternity and nothing can change that. i wish to be yours forever, and i hope you can accept my heart and do whatever you want to do with it.”
XAVIER
he is going to be nervous proposing to you, taking his time to prepare everything. he is a perfectionist, he wants to make you happy. so when he forgot to hide the ring after he went to buy it, he knew his plan was doomed.
“xavi. what is this?” you called, pointing to the box that stood tall on the table, ring inside.
spooked that you found it, cursing himself that he forgot to hide it, too tired after a day full of work, he started to look away.
“i don’t know.” he lied, not looking in your direction too afraid by your reaction.
“what do you mean you don’t know? who brought it then?”
accepting his defeat, he took your hands in his, making circles with his fingers to calm himself down. looking at you, he sighed.
“it’s for you. i wanted to make something more… special, but apparently it didn’t work.” after some time, you saying nothing, he continued.
“i know i’m tired all the time, i know i’m not a perfect boyfriend, but il try to be a perfect husband for you. if you accept, of course.”
RAFAYEL
his plan to propose to you is simple. a little date by the sea, with a homemade cake and a perfect ring for your finder. he surprises you with a painting of yourself that looked much more beautiful then what you thought you looked like.
he named it “the muse of my heart”.
looking speechless at the painting that stood in front of you, you found yourself crying. rafayel seeing your tears, he panicked.
“no, no. you don’t need to cry, my love. this is just a thing that helps you visualise how i see you. how my eyes see you.”
and so you cried harder, wiping your tears with the help of your hands, trying to not destroy the beautiful art that stood in your lap. you knew that rafayel took his time making it perfect, observing every detail and spending weeks, even months making it.
“thank you. i really like it.”
“it’s not all.” he continued, making his way in front of you and taking out a fancy looking box. “this is the real surprise.”
“rafayel…”
he stood in front of you, on one knee, box opened. inside stood a beautiful ring with an expensive stone in the middle. it was very elegant, something that you could not afford easily.
“my love. my world… i- i love you. i wish to spend my life with you, my eternity. every second spend together is heaven and i wish to be together forever. my heart is yours to keep and do whatever you want with it. and so.. you what to do that together? would you be mine? because i’m already yours forever.”
Tumblr media
© 2024 gr1mstar — all rights reserved. please do not copy, modify, repost, translate, or claim my content as yours.
472 notes · View notes
batmanisagatewaydrug · 11 months
Text
okay okay rapid fire spider-verse thots fresh out of the theater, trying to minimize spoilers but jesus
da Vinci-looking Vulture... very cool
the art on Gwen's earth in general is SO cool
in general the animators were just SHAMELESSLY showing off with this one and it rules so hard
Rio Morales animated milf of all time
truly do not understand what all of you see in Miguel tbh that man suuuuuucks!! kill!!
Peter B is also on my shit list tbh. Gwen going along with this is understandable, she's literally a homeless teenager in a bad position to fight against adult spiders making decisions, but Peter... come on dude...
truly they HAD to leave Pav out of the middle of the movie because he would have sided with Miles (you think he would want Inspector Singh to die!! fuck no!!) and he's perfect so he would have just effortlessly swept the floor with every other spider-person
Gwen is flirtatiously trans coded and responds to Spider-Man at least once, congrats to her on the fun gender
Jessica's design is so cool but they made her such a cop... god I hope she's coming around in the next movie
cannot wait to see gifs of this movie slowing down every frame to point out every individual background spider-person
the fucking. the family of it all. Miles' parents afraid to let him grow up and Gwen's dad unable to accept the truth about his daughter and Miguel trying to raise a daughter who wasn't supposed to be his and Peter B's baby girl and Jessica Drew's visible baby bump and the spiders' collective miserable certainty that they are DEFINED by the trauma of losing someone they love.
something something Miles' parents and the spider society have the same problem - being afraid of change from what they thought was The Right Way To Do Things - but Miles' parents love and trust him to make the right choices beyond their understanding while Miguel and the other spiders are too hurt by their own traumas to imagine someone else thriving without it
also fuck all of them the boy's uncle died in front of him after trying to kill him HAS HE NOT SUFFERED ENOUGH
Hobie's soooo annoying (affectionate) but also right about, like, literally everything AND good with babies to boot
the whole ending is so ‼️‼️‼️‼️
the thing with Miles and Uncle Aaron at the end... you know the thing... DELICIOUS au right there tell me everything about that shit
the fucking end man
I've NEVER been in a theater where everyone collectively screamed @ the end of a movie fuck fuck fuck. there's cliffhangers and then there's THIS
2K notes · View notes
hellsitegenetics · 2 months
Note
Hi there. I LOVE dragons. Dragons are what my dreams are made of. They move in heavings of the mind and the voluntary power instinct of mountains. They are INCREDIBLE.
I love how versatile they are, too. A dragon could be a tiny armless wriggly thing that eats eggshells or could be this collosal beast made from shattered glass and golden veins. I get unreasonably upset when I see a drawing of a half-naked woman with a dragon in the back being tagged as 'dragon art', too. I DON'T WANT TO SEE THE BITCHES!! ALLOW ME TO SEE MY BELOVED WRETCHES, CAST FROM THE MIND AT THE DAWN OF OUR BEGINNING AND SHARED BETWEEN CULTURES, MINDS, STORIES!
My favourite types of dragon are the sharp ones and the ugly ones. By being not afraid to make a dragon ugly, the creator makes it far more beautiful than any other. I've also got to love the [object] dragons. I saw a lava lamp one just yesterday, and the gloopy substance on the inside made the stupid thing magnificent.
I used to play a game called Dragons World right up until December, when the servers shut down (without warning :[ ). I had this Spring dragon named Summer (ironic, I know) who was my maximum level killing machine. That dragon was also my first exposure to gender fluidity, because all the dragons in the game didn't have set sexes and my little brain just accepted that Summer was a he/she.
I hope that this proclaimation about my love of a mythical creature gives me a very cool real one. Do you think if I ask for a bug, I won't get one? (I'm asking for a bug)
String identified: t. ag. ag a at a a a . T ag t a t ta tct ta. T a C.
at t a, t. A ag c a t a gg tg tat at gg c t ca at a att ga a g . gt aa t a ag a a-a a t a ag t ac g tagg a 'ag at', t. 'T AT T T TC!! A T TC, CAT T AT T A GG A A T CT, , T!
at t ag a t a a t g . g t aa t a a ag g, t cat a t a at ta a t. ' a gt t t [ct] ag. a a aa a t ta, a t g tac t a t t tg agct.
t a a ga ca ag gt t c, t t (tt ag :[ ). a t g ag a (c, ) a a g ac. Tat ag a a t t g t, ca a t ag t ga 't a t a tt a t acct tat a a /.
tat t caat at a tca cat g a c a . t a a g, 't gt ? (' ag a g)
Closest match: Acrocera orbiculus genome assembly, chromosome: 2 Common name: Top-horned hunchback
Tumblr media
357 notes · View notes
joedirtymadre · 1 month
Note
How bout an angst and fluffy Luffy x reader? Like, he's trying his best to be a good boyfriend but he doesn't know exactly how do it. So he gets insecure and afraid of reader leaving him
The Painting
LUFFY X READER! ANGST + FLUFF! (STILL ACCEPTING REQUESTS! SEND EM RN! 😤😤)
You were peacefully working on a new painting. You had a strong passion for art, but recently you have decided to pick up painting again. Plus, today is a slow day on the ship, so why not? You hummed to yourself, as you continued to add the finishing touches to your work. “Wow, you really outdid yourself this time,” you smiled to yourself as you took a moment to look at your canvas. It was a portrait of the whole crew, you wanted to surprise everyone at dinner with it. You spent the last few weeks on it too, so I’m sure that they’ve been waiting for the reveal.
You then heard your door open and saw Luffy. “Hey Luffy,” you smiled. “Hi (Y/N)! Hey can I hide here? I’m playing hide and seek with Usopp and Chopper,” he explained as he ran over and gave you a quick peck on the cheek. “Sure, but please don’t tip over my supplies. Last time you made a mess I spent 2 weeks cleaning it up,” you sighed. “I promise!” He said as he quickly jumped into your supply closet.
You continued your artwork, until you were disrupted again. You heard a small knock on the door and soon Chopper opened the door. “Hi Chopper, what brings you here?” You asked. “Hi (Y/N)! Have you seen Luffy?” He asked. “Hmmm… I haven’t sorry,” you smiled. “Hmmm… well can I look around your office? Just in case,” he said. “Go ahead,” you said as you continued painting.
Chopper checked under the table, in your art boxes, and was now heading to your closet. You lightly giggled as you knew your boyfriend was about to get caught. Chopper quickly opened the closet door, and out jumped Luffy. He began running around the small office, “Hey Luffy, this isn’t tag!” Chopper shouted as he chased him. “Now it is!” He yelled, as they circled around you. “Luffy be care-“ you were cut off by Luffy running into you. You fell straight into your paint, easel, and most importantly your painting.
The two boys quickly stopped and stared as you slowly picked yourself up and stared at the destroyed painting. Smudged and ripped, even your easel broke. “(Y-Y/N) I-“ you ran out before you could hear another word from your stupid boyfriend.
Luffy’s POV
I watched as (Y/N) ran off, I tried to chase after her but Chopper blocked me. “Wait! I think she should be alone right now Luffy, she might say something she doesn’t mean because of how she’s feeling. So, just give her some space,” he explained. “But I have to tell her I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I just wanted to play,” I explained. “I know, but we messed up. Really bad, and she needs time to herself right now,” Chopper said. I grabbed my head in frustration.
I looked over to the destroyed painting and realized it was a painting of all of us. “This is what she’s been working on for weeks,” I said softly. “Oh no, and we ruined it!” Chopper cried. “No, I ruined it. I always ruin things for her,” I said as I picked up the painting. “That’s not true, she loves you Luffy,” Chopper said. I shook my head, “She deals with me, I keep doing dumb things and it always ends with me hurting her or breaking her stuff,” I sighed as I placed the canvas on her table.
“It’s ok Luffy, if she didn’t love you she wouldn’t be with you. Right?” Chopper asked. “I guess,” I said. “I’m gonna go check on her,” Chopper said before running out of the room. I sat on her stool and stared at the mess I made. “Why do I keep messing things up? Maybe… I should leave her alone, then she wouldn’t have to deal with me. She could tell me to leave her alone if we weren’t dating, like Nami,” I said to myself.
I dragged myself to the deck and straight to my spot, to try and think. “Hey Luffy,” Nami said as she sat on her beach chair. “Hey…” I said softly as I continued to drag myself. “What’s wrong? Did (Y/N) kick you out of her art room?” She laughed. “No,” I moped. “Woah, then what’s wrong? Here come take a seat,” she said as she pointed to the other beach chair.
I told her the whole story and ended up with 4 bumps on my head. “You idiot! How could you do that to her?” Nami frowned. “I know… Nami… has she ever talked about how much I mess up around her?” I asked. “(Y/N)? No, not really. She just tells me how fun and cute you are,” she explained. “Really? Even that time I broke her clay pot?” I asked. “Oh man, she was so mad that day, but no… Now that I think about it she didn’t talk bad about you,” Nami said. “What about the time I accidentally squeezed her paint tube too hard and it got all over her face?” I asked. “Nope, nothing,” she said. “Or when I dropped-“ I was cut off.
“Ok I get it, you’ve done a lot of bad things. But she’s never talked bad about you, I think she knows that mistakes happen… especially around you,” Nami pointed out. “But I really messed up this time, what if she wants to break up. She should break up with me… I keep making her mad or sad,” I sighed as I fell back into the chair. “Or… you could make it up to her. Come on captain, you’ve fought warlords and admirals. I’m sure you can fix this problem and make your girlfriend a little less mad at you,” she said. “You’re right! I can try and fix it!” I said excitedly. “But I’m gonna need help,” I said, determined.
Your POV
You’ve been in bed for the last 6 hours. Chopper and Nami checked up on you, but you had no strength to get up. You just need some time to calm down. Suddenly a knock on your door, you didn’t respond, hoping the person on the other side would think you’re asleep. However, the door slowly opened. You saw your idiot captain peek inside, “(Y/N)?” He called out.
“Go away Luffy, I don’t feel good right now,” you said as you turned around, showing your back to him. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry, really sorry… I know you’re really mad at me, but I wanted to make it up to you,” he said as he stepped close. “How?” You asked. “Can I show you?” He asked, placing a hand on your shoulder. You slowly turned around, seeing a distressed look on your usually careless boyfriend. “Sure,” you said calmly before getting up.
“But I need you to wear this,” he said, handing you a blindfold. You stared at it with one eyebrow raised. “Please?” He asked. You nodded and quickly put it over your eyes, you then felt a warm hand grab yours. “Alright hold on,” you heard, before being picked up in bridal style. “L-Luffy?” You asked, feeling your face heat up. “Well, I don’t want you to trip while being blindfolded, so I’ll just carry you,” he explained.
You then laid in his arms as he carried you to wherever it was that he wanted to show you. “Alright, I’m gonna put you down now,” he said softly before helping you down onto your feet. “Alright now on 3, take off your blindfold,” he said as he stepped away from you. “Ok,” you said.
“1,2,3,” he said, and you quickly took off the blindfold. You gasped at the scene in front of you. It was your art room, clean and way more organized than it was before. Also, your easel was fixed with a bunch of more upgrades to it, and finally your eyes fell to the painting on the easel. “My painting!” You said excitedly. You smiled as you saw the rough strokes and the taped backing. It wasn’t perfect, but it was way better than how it looked earlier.
“Did you do all of this?” You turned to ask Luffy. “I had some help, but I wanted to fix what I messed up earlier,” he explained. You ran over and gave him a kiss, “Thank you Luffy! I’m so happy,” you smiled and hugged him. “You’re not still mad?” He asked nervously. “Mad?” You asked, confused. “Well… I always mess up your crafts or art projects, I know how upset it makes you,” he said as he stared at the floor. “Well I do get a bit upset, but I know you don’t mean it. I just give myself some time alone so I don’t say anything that I might regret later,” you explained. “Wow, Chopper was right,” he said.
“But I’m really sorry I messed up your painting, I know how hard you worked on it,” he said, before pulling you into a hug. “It’s ok, I forgive you. Just next time, no more games in my art room, ok?” You asked. “Deal,” he smiled. “Oh, I made you something,” he said, pulling away. “Huh?” You asked. He grabbed a small canvas from the table and turned to show you.
You pouted when you realized it was a portrait of you and him. “I know it’s not that good, but-“ you interrupted him. “It’s perfect! I’ll hang it up right now!” You said as you pulled him into a hug. “Really?” He said excitedly. “Yeah, and we should paint together sometime, you’re a natural,” you smiled, before giving him a kiss on the cheek. “You think so? I did have fun doing this,” he grinned. “Mhmm!” You nodded and you both went to hang his masterpiece on your wall.
260 notes · View notes
syneilesis · 5 months
Text
[fic] if only for a moment
if only for a moment
Love and Deepspace | Rafayel (Qi Yu) x Main-Character!Reader | T | 3.6k words | ao3 link (with correct formatting)
Rafayel waits. And waits. And waits.
A/N: Another LaD fic!! This time it's Rafayel. Several elements of this fic are inspired by and loosely based on his story anecdotes and bond story, plus that Deep Sea card line backdrop. So more spoilers in this one, I'm afraid. I think you need to be aware of them in order to follow the flow of the fic. But if not, here's what you need to know: basically Rafayel accepts a visiting professorship at the University of Linkon to reunite with the MC/you. And the prose poetry interspersed are loosely situated in the Deep Sea card lineup setting (you can search in YouTube for the scenes. This one is a brief glimpse of the scene). That princess/knight(??) dynamic is yum yum.
If possible, please read the version on AO3. I formatted the prose poems there as if they're really prose poetry, so I'd appreciate it if you check that out. (Though there isn't too much difference between the formatting here and there, I did make the effort of coding a little 🥺)
Anyhoo, hope you enjoy, and I am sO STOKED FOR THE OFFICIAL RELEASE. rip my wallet 💸😭
JUST LOOK AT THIS MAN AND BELIEVE
Tumblr media
There’s a type of berry in a distant land that produces a rare shade of ink that matches the color of your eyes. It takes a hundred of them to create the right hue and volume for the art that he wants to make. It comes to him in a dream: endless desert, then fireworks of verdant sparks that coalesce into stem, leaf, and, finally, fruit. Rafayel remembers that land, so much different from the iridescent blue of ocean underwater, and the acrid gold of the barren desert. His mouth filled with the succulent sweetness of the dream, the lingering sandpaper roughness of the berries on his fingers. He already knows the name of the artwork even before he’s begun—Waiting, Missing. The ache in his bones gaining form, an intangible thing taking flesh.
+
Under the ocean surface, time is muted, a deafening thickness that surrounds you with its ambiguity. On land, however, it is linear, and fast, and in a matter of blinks, Rafayel’s visiting professorship nearly wraps up.
He’s only glimpsed you once or twice. Thrice at most. The university is big, but not big enough to warrant a dearth of fateful encounters. The first time he saw you it was at a coffee shop: walking along with your friends outside, your voice mellifluous and festive wafting through the trellis of the café entrance. You were talking about him—well, about Lemuria to be specific, but these days any talk of Lemuria inevitably draws in his name.
He’s committed your schedule to memory, and yet it just seems impossible to capture a moment with you. Even just a brush of shoulders, or of sleeves—an asymptote of contact. Just navigating around your orbit, but never truly meeting.
What would it be like—finally talking to you? You in front of him, face to face? Rafayel imagines the ache of waiting fading into the background until it’s completely gone. He yearns for that feeling, the release of it. A conclusion—or maybe even a beginning.
+
i. take my hand, he told you under the glow of the lustrous moon, the only source of light that contoured the secretive valleys of his face. i want to show your highness something. there was a country, he said, beyond the undulating monochrome of the desert, blanketed by lush trees and shrubberies and flowers that buildings were made in betwixt and around them—a nation of trailing and winding architecture, a marriage of the natural and the manmade. you wanted to ask why he’d planned on taking you there, and the only answer you got was a curt turn of his head and the profile of a masked man layered by shadows and distance. it would have been nice, you thought, if the moon poured light upon his hooded gaze.
+
Eventually he begins to frequent the café. Twice a week at first—he doesn’t want to come off strong right away, of course—and then making his way up until he’s hanging out there more than his own studio. He schedules his visits around your classes, always during the ones when the probability of you dropping by the café is high and he can ‘coincidentally’ be around the same area. It’s gotten to a point that Thomas calls him out on it, and nags at him to focus more on his painting. The next exhibit is immediately after his visiting professorship after all.
“From where I’m standing,” Thomas says, “you’re not painting at all.”
Rafayel ignores him.
Five minutes later, he says, “Not painting is part of the painting process.”
Thomas rolls his eyes, but he leaves him to it.
At the café, Rafayel attracts curious looks. A few attempt to approach him, but he pretends not to see them. They linger around the periphery, like moths to flame.
And then something happens: the entrance door chimes, and you swan into the coffee shop, earphones and denim overall skirt, the kind of rosy-cheeked image Rafayel finds on teen magazines, wide-eyed and earnest. You fall in line and order when it’s your turn, and your eyes sweep across the packed café searching for a vacant seat until they finally land on him.
Rafayel’s heart stumbles.
Up close, the baby fat on your cheeks still gives you the appearance of being younger than you actually look. You turn a polite smile his way, and his heart stutters again—but this time it is taken as a warning.
“Hi,” you say, tentative. Any hint of recognition absent. “Do you mind if I sit here?”
+
ii. you're counting the steps of your inevitable parting. you're at the edge of the desert, far away from your home and its familiar scents, oriented towards a direction that promised a future sad memory, the gentle warmth of his hand, the downward denial of his gaze. this longing that grew out of your bones, aching during cold, aching during heat, aching when he looked at you with such tenderness he had to hide it through the sharp tug of your joined hands, the long strides that opened up a lonely distance. intimacy was dangerous, knowing was dangerous, the bowels of his heart like a solitary flower on a high peak. what would you do to such loneliness?
+
Memory isn't always an infallible thing. The human brain cannot hang on to every moment of your life, though Rafayel wishes it were so. But still—to think that you would forget him, and it hasn’t even been a century. You were like a phantom thief stealing his heart in the night—no recourse, no resolution.
To wait is to be in agony, the burn of yearning locked within the heart. Rafayel has been waiting for a long time, and the only memory scorched in his heart is fire, the blaze and its blinding, all-consuming want.
What would you do to such want?
+
You have a blurry childhood, Rafayel discovers. After the first Wanderer descended on Earth, the incident strummed your memories like a stringed instrument that tired of the same chord, over and over. It had bothered you at first—not being in control of your own memories—but eventually you had learned to live with it.
“Grandma and Caleb—my childhood friend—helped me through the process,” you tell him, stirring your iced mocha with its straw. “I owe them a lot.”
Eyes cast down, but still the melancholy shadows remain in your expression. Rafayel folds his arms on the table, and leans closer.
Around them only a few people occupy the coffee shop at this time. How fortunate for Rafayel to catch you during your break while every other student is trapped in class lectures.
“There’s no use in dwelling upon what's already happened. Even sharks have to give up when their prey escapes. When you remember, it will be all the more joyous, no?”
The smile you give him is crooked, disbelieving.
“If I remember.”
“You’ll remember.” Because there’s no other choice, for you and for him. Rafayel cannot bear being shelved in the history of your smile and happiness. Waiting can only be endurable if there’s an endpoint.
+
In his studio, Rafayel begins his next painting.
+
iii. the berries tasted sweet, with an edge of sourness that clung to the bottom of the tongue. it had the exact shade of your eyes, a detail that rafayel brought up the moment he plucked it from the shrub. raising it to align with your eyes, comparing them with his artist's meticulous gaze. maybe when this is all over, i'll go back here again to extract ink from these berries, and paint a portrait of your highness using these to color your eyes. he never showed you any of his paintings, merely mentioned them in passing, and you constructed a dream of him from the throwaway words that left his covered lips. i'm not used to sitting for so long, you reminded him, and he glanced at you, then at the berry between his fingers. my memory is enough, then handed you the fruit.
+
In the few weeks of meeting with you Rafayel forgets that his visiting professorship is ending soon and he has to give out his last lecture. Thomas had asked him what his topic would be. At that point Rafayel had no answer. But now he has.
“I’ve been hearing you talk about Lemuria every now and then with your friends.” He props his cheek on his hand, tilting his head slightly and giving you a charming smile. “Interested?”
You blink. “How did you know?”
“Oh, I’ve seen you a couple of times here, and I happened to hear your friends chat about my lecture. Your points were almost accurate, I’m in awe.”
“The visiting professor—that’s you?!”
Rafayel pauses, the slosh of his drink nearly spilling on his frozen hand.
“You didn’t know?”
Sheepish, you say, “Honestly, I didn’t make the connection. Is that why plenty of people have been glaring at me as of late?”
He releases a frustrated sigh, eyes rolling heavenward.
“In any case, my final lecture is on Friday next week. It’s titled “Memory and Meaning in Lemurian Art”. Why don’t you drop by and listen, and you can tell me what you think afterwards.”
You retrieve your bullet journal to check your schedule. It’s colorful, filled with stickers and doodles that Rafayel finds endearing. Then the excited moue on your face drops into a frown, and Rafayel can foresee the next words that will come out of your downturned lips.
“I’m sorry,” you say guiltily, “but I have a major test that day, and I need to get a high score in order to pass the course.”
Rafayel exhales, long and weary, but ultimately shrugs off the apology. “What a shame, but I forgive you. Just don’t fail your exam or else my magnanimity would be all for nothing.”
+
He calls Thomas that night.
“I’ll disappear for a while once the professorship is over.”
“Hey, wait, what do you me—”
“You’ll be happy to know that this is for my next painting.”
A beat. “Okay … but for how long?”
“That’s the question, isn’t it?”
Then he hangs up.
+
He’s trying, he really does. The lecture ends to a resounding applause, and it’s mechanical how he answers the questions posed by the audience. But he’s trying, he’s trying. There’s no specter of you in the sea of faces in the auditorium. You’re at the other end of the university compound, sweating your way through your exam. He genuinely hopes you’d pass, for your sake.
Thomas had booked his flight to another country, where he’ll traverse to a land that he’d visited many times in his dreams and had woken up with a filmy, sweet-sour tang at the roof of his mouth. He’ll leave the morning after the closing dinner party the faculty has prepared for him. There isn’t time to pack much, and no time to tell you goodbye.
Rafayel guesses that it’s only fair: how would you feel waiting for him at that café, the chair across you empty, only the sunlight pooling from the window as your companion?
+
iv. parting, somebody once said, is such a sweet sorrow. much like those berries in that ever-green nation, a lingering sourness remained underneath, the sting of it reminding you every now and then. he was already mourned for even before he left. tell me what it's like—the ocean. he was elusive, untouchable in his grief. you'd heard through whispers, the story of his migration, the drowning before the drying, the unwanted journey. grief brought him to you and grief would steal him away from you, you knew, down to the cells of your body and the hopelessness in your blood. —and yet. and yet you wanted to have a taste of it, anyway.
+
The ever-green land is no longer green, or lush, or alive. Time corroded it into memory, sepia-faded, wizened. Past. The berries he’s searching for don’t grow here anymore. Everything here is empty, barren, helplessly so.
Rafayel hasn’t accounted for such development, but he should have known. Disappointment stings at his chest, and bitterly he turns away and stays at the next town over. At a family-run restaurant situated near the outskirts, he looks over the wide windows, across the highway road, beyond the jagged horizon. The painting won’t be finished, then. Another tragedy, pressed flat next to the forgetting, to the waiting, and his home.
The chef personally serves him his order and, after a shuffle of hesitation, brings up a question.
“Young man, you came from the direction of the old country, yeah?”
Rafayel meets his inquisitive gaze. “Yes, why?”
“It’s been a while since we had someone visiting that place. There’s nothing in there anymore, it’s been that way for years. Why did you go there?”
Rafayel is reluctant to say, but at the guileless set of the older man’s face, he concedes.
“I was looking for berries. The ones native there. They produce a shade that I need for my painting.”
At the mention of the fruit, the chef’s expression lights up. “Oh! I see, I see. You’re in luck, son. We grow them here at the farm. Plenty of those for everyone. How about I give you some? It’s rare meeting someone who still remembers the old country, it’s almost fate. How many did you say you need?”
Fate. Just like the time of your first meeting, as if the universe had gifted you to him. Just like the time of your parting, of your forgetting, of his waiting. Fate as a connection from you to him, red and burning brightly.
He doesn’t want to seem eager, but he knows he’s failed from the way the chef toothily grins at him.
“A hundred or so.”
The chef falters at that, jerking slightly back. But he accepts it with a nod, an avuncular smile making its way across his kind, powdery features.
“That sure is a huge number, but I think we can work something out.”
+
His painting takes a month to complete, inclusive of the time spent making the ink from the acquired berries. Sometimes, Thomas watches him paint, quiet in the background. His stays usually don’t last—a quick flash that Rafayel nearly misses, or deliberately ignores. But during the final stages of the painting process, Thomas hands him the exhibit details.
“I’m just thankful you’re on time for this one.” He sighs, relieved, then leaves.
Alone, Rafayel creates. Brushstroke after careful brushstroke, each varying by pressure and angle. He lets each layer of paint dry before moving onto the next. The berry ink—the color of your eyes—the solely different element of this painting. Center, central. The focal point. The beating heart. The years and years of waiting and longing. The form and the flesh. Alive.
This, too, is an endpoint.
+
v. can i see your face, just this once? your hands grazed his mask like a ghost wanting to touch. rafayel stayed still beneath your desirous fingers, observing, waiting, his own fingers twitching towards his dagger. even in the parting he could not let go of this distance. hopeless, hopeless. your highness would get nothing out of seeing my face. he's wrong, his eyes never left your face, and he's wrong. he didn't stop you from your grasping of his mask, and him—finally—bare and beautiful yet a little sad. you're wrong, you said, tracing his slightly parted lips with a trembling finger, you're wrong. it is everything to me.
+
The gallery is packed. No surprise there. It’s almost boring, in a way. Waiting, Missing hangs at the farthest hall in the floor, special and intimate as it should be. Thomas knows him well; otherwise, Rafayel would have whined at him to hell and back just so he could be granted this demand that is in reality a mandate.
He’s hiding from the throngs of journalists and art critics alike and sequesters himself in a corner that has a clear view of the painting. Loosening his collar and tie, Rafayel breathes and closes his eyes, leans tiredly against the wall. A few more minutes, and he’ll slink out of the building, reputation be damned.
He melts into the shadows whenever somebody passes by. He has neither time nor energy interacting with people today. Watching them through half-mast eyes, Rafayel stays in his secret place and studies with weightless detachment the people looking at the painting.
He’s made a bet with himself about the opinions of his followers and admirers. Who thinks what and why. It makes for great entertainment. The last time, a fresh-faced critic praised Rafayel’s technique as “innovative and a soul-rending reflection of the prodigy’s character.” He had laughed and laughed for hours until he couldn’t breathe any longer.
Another walks by, and before Rafayel retreats further into the corner, he glimpses a familiar gait and a familiar face.
His heartbeat races. He’s never told you that he’s holding an exhibit today. After the professorship Rafayel failed to maintain communication with you, convincing himself that it’s for the best that he protect you from afar that day onwards. It didn’t help that he had to leave as well. At the same time, you never made an effort of reaching out, and Rafayel thought that it was back to square one again, that waiting, that yearning.
But here you are right now, elegantly dressed, like someone gliding out of a dream. Rafayel swallows, his hands shake. You do not have someone else with you, and your eyes are brightly focused on Waiting, Missing, and for a fleeting moment your expression flickers into longing, strange and old and battered and sad, that it compels Rafayel to take a step forward—to you.
“Hey.”
The curious look vanishes; left no traces in your delighted face, as if it wasn’t there in the first place. “Rafayel!” you exclaim. “Long time no see! Congratulations on the exhibit; these are all beautiful.”
Outwardly he smirks, belying the torrential emotions he’s currently going through. He cants his head a little, works his charm on you. “Impressed? No need to hold back your compliments.”
Laughter, prismatic and crystalline. “Yes, yes. Especially this one—Waiting, Missing. What an interesting title. At the center, what paint did you use?”
Ah. Rafayel inhales before answering. “It’s actually ink. I had to make it from a hundred berries. It was a tedious process, but I wouldn’t use anything else. It has to be this, you see.”
“Whoa, no wonder you’d been radio silent all this time. You were creating this masterpiece.”
He hums, afraid that, if he speaks, he’d reveal too much.
“Well …” You throw a playful glance at him. “Shouldn’t we celebrate your success?”
His breath catches. “I—”
Before he manages to finish the sentence, a journalist calls out to him and that summons plenty more, swarming him with no chance of escape. It pushes you out of his peripheral vision, and Rafayel wants to shout your name, but you smile and gesture at him to entertain them first. You mouth, I’ll be back, and wander around other paintings some more.
When he finally succeeds in shaking the journalists off, he seeks you out and stumbles upon you near the exit, where there’s fewer people to pile on him.
“Excellent,” he says, sidling up beside you. You turn to him and smile, and there’s that lightning-flash of something again. For one unbelievably surreal instant, Rafayel thinks that despite your hazy memories, maybe you’d been waiting for him all this time, too.
And that thought emboldens him, moving closer and closer until your bodies almost touch. An asymptote of contact. But this time, he has mustered the courage to close that unbridgeable gap.
Rafayel offers you his hand. “Let’s get out of here?”
You stare at his hand then at his face, his eyes, and a meaningful moment stretches between you and him. But even before the idea of retracting enters his mind, you grab his hand joyfully, grinning ear to ear. His heart warms, full with everything.
You squeeze his hand, ready to go. “Lead the way, then!”
+
vi. a kiss is a greeting and a goodbye, and rafayel tasted of ferocious tides even if you'd seen them only in dreams. his eyes closed, as though savoring his last moments with you, guarded till the bitter end. would that i could ask you to stay—with me. but he shook his head—a final rejection. maybe in another life. there was nobody to watch you cry, in the after.
+
Rafayel is working on a new painting—a portrait this time. The model squirms on his couch, obvious about the discomfort of posing for too long. He huffs a laugh to himself, hidden by the canvas strategically placed between them.
“I heard that,” you grumble.
“Shush, you’re breaking my concentration.”
“If that already breaks your focus then I pity the rest of the art community.” A beat, then: “Is it done?”
“Patience, my dear muse. You need endure it a little more.”
“Hmph, fine. But after this you’re treating me to an all-you-can-eat buffet.”
“All right, all right.” He shakes his head, fond. “My muse, so demanding.”
Something sweet touches the edge of his tongue, succulent with a hint of tartness. Like longing. Except now, it’s layered with something new and exciting. Something like a new beginning.
In the far distance, the sea murmurs, lit fire by the setting sun.
440 notes · View notes
ceruleanchillin · 4 months
Text
141 x Reader: Biker!AU
Note(s) -
1.) Nobody asked for this, but here I am combining two obsessions. Congrats, you’re a biker’s old lady now 🎉.
Any media with hot guys in a group should have outlaw MC AUs
2.) I love roughneck Simon. Please give me more of him. I wanna talk about the guys in this AU so badly, don’t (DO) feed my inbox. BlueCollar!Simon, Mafia!Simon, Mechanic!Simon, Idc I love it all. 
3.) If you saw this before, no you didn’t (plus I added more to it). I decided to keep them all together, and it’ll just be long as hell. A long fic stored under a cut never hurt nobody.🤷🏾‍♀️
Simon
Nobody can get him as soft as you. There’s a 3-ringed barrier around his heart. Outsiders < The Club < You.
He loves doing mundane things with you, the kind of things he never saw for himself when he swore to stay single in this life. Like, after a good run fattens his wallet, letting you run wild in the shops.
“C’mon on then lovie, give us a spin.”
You squealed, spinning so the soft fabric fanned around your upper thighs. “I love it! But Si, it’s too much.”
“You let me worry about that sweetheart. Just let me see how it looks comin’ offa ya.” He gripped the very thighs you teased him with, eager for his favorite part besides your smile.
He’d pick up as many extra runs as it took to keep you in small luxuries, as long as he was the one that got to keep that look on your face.
They all have tattoos, but Simon is the king. His body art is top notch, because he’s very discerning with his artists. He’s had the best from Europe to the States. Now, he only trusts Price’s old lady, Johnny, and you. 
In fact, that’s how you met. You started your apprenticeship under an asshole who bailed before it was over, and took a chance on the dangerous shop everyone warned you away from. Mrs. Price was everything you were afraid of AT FIRST. You later understood it was because the shop is 141 affiliated, and she had to be harshly discerning to protect herself and her family.
Once you got over that phase, she was unendingly sweet, and dedicated to helping you hone your craft. 
Simon saw you when he came to fix the sink in the shop’s little kitchen. You were the only one there, intensely focused on a practice skin arm.
You were beautiful, hair wild from you tugging at in concentration, and your tongue poking out slightly. How long had you been working here?
“I knew you needed a hand around here, but that’s a bit far isn’t it?”
You jumped, startled out of your practice, the buzz of the tattoo gun stopping. “Oh my god! I don’t know what scared me more, you, or that joke.”
The two of you kept each other company in your respective tasks, until he was done. In admitting you were aching to do a real tattoo again, he found himself volunteering on instinct. 
At first you resisted, worried about the ethics in your mentor’s shop, and he came up with the genius idea of going back to your place. Smooth Simon.
By the end of the night he was sure he’d never need another artist again.
He’s often as busy as Price, sometimes more so. It takes a lot to run a charter as is, but to establish a table so far from home calls on him more than any other era in his time with the club. On top of that, he often pulls double duty, acting as an enforcer with Konig.
That’s where he really appreciates you understanding, and accepting, his lifestyle. You’ve made a home for him, and he only hopes he conveys how much he appreciates that.
He comes home with a headache taking up residence in every corner of his head more and more these days. It was all he could do to kick his boots off, and not collapse on the nearest thing that could hold his weight. His room felt miles away. Downside of living in the dorms.
He drug himself to the clubhouse kitchen, prepared to dig around for some painkillers, when he saw a post-it note on the island next to a napkin with two pills.
Ignore if not Si!
Dinner in the fridge + cake in the dish on the counter. Eat and get your ass in bed with me.
:)
He chuckled, headache long forgotten when he realized you were in his bed. However, his heart and stomach wouldn’t let him ignore the home cooked meal in the fridge, and once he’d savored every bite, he was a blur on his way to his room.
You were curled up in one of his shirts, sleeping soundly on the side of the bed he favored. He stripped, leaving his clothes on the floor, only stopping to deposit his kutte on the dresser, before scooping you into his arms.
“Si..” you murmured sleepily, burying your face in his chest, seeking something to lay on after being picked up.
“‘s alright sweet pea.”
“Glad you’re home, don’t let go.” You were slightly more awake now, but not by much.
“Was never an option.” He got into bed, relaxing in the warm spot you left behind, and situated you next to him in his arms. 
Assuming big spoon position, his hands roamed your form, finding momentary purchase wherever they could. He felt a little guilty for further waking you up, but it occurred to him that you must have seen the day he’d had, and had taken the time to attempt to make it a little better. You could be home in your own bed, but you chose to be there for him. He was starving for you.
His lips created the same desperate patterns across your cheek and neck that his hands created on your body. He gripped your thigh, giving the plush skin a squeeze, before hooking your leg back over his.
There was a sharp inhale of air from you, and you pushed back against him, undoubtedly feeling him firming.
He laid his other arm under your head, letting you lay your cheek against his arm as he grasped your face. He tilted it up to grant more access to your skin for his lips.
“Taking care of me pretty bird?”
“It’s what you deserve, baby.” You slurred, squirming in sensory overload at all of his attention.
“Swear m’ going flat hunting tomorrow.” His fingers skimmed over your covered heat, grinning when your lower half bucked.
“‘s what you deserve sweetheart. Somewhere to put all your nesting to good use.”
You moaned rolling your hips back into your solid wall of a man. “Don’t tease me, I can’t help it.”
“Oh, m’not teasing pretty bird, m’ appreciating.”
He’s been called on to do many dark things for the club. Price doesn’t leave room at the table for anyone not to pull their weight, and he’s even tougher on his titled men. However, the darker jobs fall on Simon more often than anyone else, because he’s thorough, and can put the deed away somewhere, somehow, every time. 
When he pulls on his mask, and just surrenders to being no one but Ghost, he’s ready to work. He never cared what anyone thought about his actions, he never had to, until you. 
You’d been around rough crowds in your lifetime, but Simon was a career criminal, and so was his found family. He was sure some recollection of his deeds would reach you, and that’d be your line. In fact, he was waiting on it.
He was shocked, truly floored, to find that wasn’t what triggered you. It was how you felt he was being utilized. You didn’t like, what you felt, was the unequal distribution of the extreme jobs, and you told him as much.
When he got over his shock, his reaction was fiercely defensive of the club. It was your turn for shock, but he couldn’t help it. He felt judged about the family that owned his loyalty, by the woman that owned his heart. 
You were taken aback by his ferocity, but it didn’t change your view. It created a hotbed of tension that threatened what the two of you had built, until he understood why you felt so strongly. Simon was the one taken aback when he realized your intensity came from your love for him, not a judgement of the 141. He still couldn’t wrap his head around someone loving him to that degree. In his heart of hearts, he didn’t think he was worthy of that. That’s how he was supposed to, and did, love you.
He admitted as much when the tired topic reached a fever pitch.
Simon’s close cropped blonde hair was riddled with evidence he’d been running long, frustrated fingers through it. Those same fingers pulled a cigarette from his pack,, and lit it with a calmness that didn’t reflect the current mood.
“So now you tell me what I can and can’t do? That it then?”
You snapped at the accusation, breaking the promise you’d made to yourself not to raise your voice. “I’m not telling you what you can and can’t do, stop reframing what I fucking say!”
“Grow the fuck up, you’re not a bloody baby. You knew what I did when we got together. I protect the group, I’m meant to be the first line of defense. I pull my weight, my life be damned!”
Your eyes widened in shock at the underlying implication of his words. His own expression wasn’t familiar enough to you for you to place.
“The table doesn’t make me do the ugly bits, most times I volunteer.” He flicked ash onto the pavement, his finger tapping with more force than necessary. “Whether I die, or get pinched, I can be replaced. ‘s my job to stand in front of the ones that can’t.”
His chest heaved with trapped frustration, voice guttural, raw with emotion. “That’s my use.”
You couldn’t place a time where your heart had ever hurt for anyone the way it hurt for him in that moment. It was a physical pain, pin pricking across your chest in a wave, and momentarily halting your ability to speak. You loved this man, fuck the moon, he hung galaxies in your eyes, and that’s what he thought of himself?
Simon, studying your expression and not liking the shame it made him feel, turned away. He didn’t know what to do with shame, especially in front of you. He’d said too much, and his mind was racing to find a way to undo it. Stiffening at the feeling of your arms barely meeting around his large form, he fought the urge to pull away.
Your voice was shaky, laden with the tears you didn’t bother fighting the fruitless fight to stop. “I wish I could get you to understand how untrue that is. I wish I knew where to start.”
He turned back around, but refused to meet your eyes. That startled you. Simon had never been afraid to lock eyes with you. He backed down from no one.
“Wasn’t an answer you liked then lovie? Sorry to disappoint.” He said quietly, taking a last drag before he ended the cigarette under his boot, and walked off back towards the clubhouse.
Tears streamed down your face at a faster rate now, and you tried in vain to swipe them away quickly. You weren’t sure what to say. Not then, too much was in the air as it was, and things needed to cool, but this clearly wasn’t settled
You only knew what you wanted to do. Hold him. Hold him until he saw how fucked his outlook was, and how much worth he really had.
Long out of town rides to create a bubble with just you and him. No specific destination, you just ride until you can both believe you’re the only two people you know.
He throws you a surprise party when you get certified as a tattoo artist, and Mrs. Price releases you from your apprenticeship to a chair of your own.
No one can believe Ghost is throwing someone any kind of party, but they don’t dare deny him as he enlists them in different tasks. He took the whole thing very seriously, and left no room for mistakes. No one, not even Soap, was careless enough to spoil the surprise. Simon wanted perfection.
It was obvious to anyone who watched his love struck gaze follow you when you were around, but if anyone doubted it before, they didn’t now. This man loves you.
Simon sometimes comes to you with a design he’s made for his next tattoo. It’s never elaborate, and it’s usually more utilitarian than aesthetic. He trusts you to make it pretty, he knows you will. He just wants to better convey his idea, or so you think.
In reality, he just likes when you praise him, and he can be part of your passion. He’s constantly amazed by your artistry, and humbled that you let him be a part of it. Essentially, you two collaborate on his tattoos in an undeniably intimate way.
He unceremoniously comes to you with a scrap of paper, something he’s sketched over the past few days.
“Somethin’ f’ya to look over when you get the chance.” He mutters before giving you a long kiss and leaving the shop.
You study the lines, shaky but serviceable, and the design clear. Your mind immediately began to think of ways to tie it into his existing tattoo’s style and his tastes. All the while, you kicked your feet, ecstatic that once again, the most complex person you knew was trusting you with this responsibility.
Si had some serious, high quality pieces on his body, and he thought enough of your hand to add to that.
Simon is usually more affectionate when you’re alone. In public, it’s mostly gliding fingers across your back, or a quick brush of his lips across your forehead. BUT, sometimes his intrusive thoughts win, and he has to slap your ass. This can happen anywhere, anytime.
You’re bent over the tattoo chair, disinfecting and scrubbing, and you swear you hear his hand cutting through air before you feel the smack.
“Si!”
“You put it there sweetheart.”
Shooting range dates. You’ve been judged by some of your more…conventional friends, but you’re a gun girlie (which turns Simon on like nothing he’s ever experienced), and you don’t care. They tried to make you feel like he was being inconsiderate taking you there. Meanwhile, it was damn near your demand.
Simon loves having friendly competitions, random kisses, and exchanging shitty jokes. Seeing you get excited, and engaging in a little tech/spec talk about a gun you love, gets Simon bricked up in 10 seconds flat.
You truly believe he’s taken you in hidden parts of the range more than either of your beds at this point.
Makes you keep track of football season when he’s away. Almost put you in a box and mailed you far away from him when you assumed he meant American football season.
“Don’t ever hurt me like that again lovie, I won’t be held responsible.”
Punishes you with edging and cockwarming if you miss any important details. It’s especially excruciating when he’s just returned, and all you want is him to stretch you out. Simon is a mean dom, and he won’t be moved by sympathy.
“Please Si, I only missed one game.” you whined, trying to get him to come back to where he’d just spent time building you up to fall on his tongue, only to pull away at the last second.
He smirked, rising to his feet which clued you into the fact that he really wasn’t going to finish you off then. “That’s a bad girl. Have the missing orgasm to match.”
——-
Gaz:
Lives for where you live. Your little house is his home away from home. Sometimes the gang can be on business that keeps them on the road for weeks, and the last thing he wants when he comes back, is to continue to be locked in close quarters with other guys.
That’s when you know he’s skipping clubhouse life to crash with you for a while. You love it as much as him.
Scented candles and incense, sweet laundry detergent, soft materials, home cooked meals. It’s such a soft juxtaposition to his previous journey. 
Your hands are all over him, soothing bruises and kissing him over in mapped out patterns only known to you.
Kyle may not know the difference between a single thing on your beauty table, or much about the things in your bathroom cabinets, but he knows he loves how it all smells/looks on you when he’s running his nose across your skin.
“Baby, I gotta get ready for work.” 
Kyle hummed in acknowledgement, but kept you pinned to the overstuffed couch, kissing your thighs in his own personal ritual. The two of you had been sequestered away for two days since he’d been back, but he still couldn’t get enough of you.
“Be good for me love, I won’t make you late.”
“Liar.” You giggled when he pinched you in retaliation. “If you do what it feels like you’re about to do, I won’t make it to the shop until noon.”
“Not a liar babe, you know that better than anyone else.” He pushed your knees up until they pressed against your chest. “I promise, you’ll be the first one there. Can’t say in what state though.”
Being the club secretary, it may seem like Kyle has the plushier job at the table. Wrong. He sees as much action as the other guys, and he likes to stay in shape. That’s fine by you, because you reap the benefits when you get to watch him working out at your place.
Kyle Garrick doing burpees and up-downs in your tiny backyard, clad in nothing but gray sweat shorts, and a thin gold chain against his chest, isn’t a sight that should be free. Yet, after Kyle has finished his mission of witnessing you walk funny at least once, it’s a sight you’re treated to when he sinks back into his home routine.
You somehow think you’re safe to creep-watch from the back doorway while you enjoy your green tea, even though Kyle catches you every time. He just always knew when your eyes were on him.
Without even turning to give you a look he called your name, laughing softly. “I should start charging admission.”
“I was thinking the same thing!” You stuck your tongue out at his back, slamming the door when he revealed he somehow saw that too.
Kyle comes to the salon and hangs with you between appointments. Sometimes he watches you work, and fake flirts with customers to get you more money. He’s great for business.
“Cost a little extra, yeah? But myself, I love a bird that sweats the details.” Kyle’s brown eyes and bright smile were a lethal combination against free will, you knew this for a fact.
The soccer mom in your chair ducks her head under his attention, cheeks filling in with red, as she tells you she changed her mind about the rhinestones.
You appreciate the efforts towards fattening your wallet, but sometimes he’s so effective, you get annoyed and drag him to the break room to remind him you own him.
When you ride with him, he loves looking down and seeing the pretty designs of your nails grasping his chest. Something about the contrast of hot pink, or pearlescent purple against the black leather of his kutte does it for him.
Kyle is definitely on the calmer side most times, especially for his lifestyle, but the fastest way to break that is someone meaning you harm.
You were out at a crowded club with the 141, their ladies, and some friends of the club. It was a celebration of good finances and a successful legal dodge. 
The guys clung to a dark VIP section, there for the drinks and victory lap more than the dancing. On the other hand, you and the other girls were not there to sit idle. 
After a tense few months, the cause of your respective relationship ups and downs with the guys, you guys deserved to cut loose. The table agreed, with your men shouting words of encouragement and flirtatious innuendo to hype you up.
The whole bar was enthralled by you and the other girl’s dancing, singing, and general untethered energy. It was contagious. You especially, you had a few drinks in you, and all that could currently keep your attention was the music.
There was, unfortunately, one outsider who got a little too enthralled with the performance.
When you peeled away from the group, following the uptempo rhythm, he thought that was his time to make his move.
You felt him press up against you while your eyes were closed, assuming it was Kyle, you almost ground back against him. Then you smelt the liquor. Kyle liked a drink like everyone else, and you’d even seen him drunk, but this was someone who’d been at it for a while. Disgustingly sour, too close, and ultimately not your man.
You sent a sharp hit back with your elbow, turning to confirm what you knew. It wasn’t Kyle. He grunted, but pushed forward again making you hold your hand up in a warning.
“I don’t think so.” you waved him off, laughing at the prospect of entertaining him.
Angered by your laughter, he got bolder, shouting to be heard. “Well I think so, but I’m real interested in knowing why you don’t.”
“Because I said what I said, and I have a man.” You were tipsy, but there was an underlying fire to your words lending them solidity. “Fuck off!”
He bristled at another dismissal. “Bitc-“
Kyle had appeared, most likely having started making his way to you once the man got too close, and clapped him on the shoulder. His expression said that he had heard at least some of what was said.
“Hi baby!” You shouted, a little loud even for the club, but that made it endearing. “That’s my man.” You told the asshole.
“Use your ears before I send you home carrying them.” He was gripping the man’s shoulder so tightly you should see the sharp knuckle bones flexing, his rings catching the light.
The man looked at the kutte, and the expression on Kyle’s face, and the exact moment he realized the man would act on the threat literally became apparent.
If that wasn’t enough, you had the ladies at your back, and the table alert and waiting for the call. It was over for the bastard before it even started.
He raised his hands and scurried into the crowd, aiming for the door.
“I love you baby.” You crooned, throwing your arms around him and covering his face with kisses.
He laughed. “I love you too, even when I know I’m going to be holding your pretty hair back all day.”
When the gang has to have a tense table vote in a briefing, their equivalent to some other mc’s “church”, you always wait for Kyle. As secretary, it’s his job to gather information on other gangs, as well as any important changes in the area, and his council is called on first.
You’re waiting for him right after, inviting him back to your house for the night, knowing he won’t want to stay in his dorm. He won’t show it then, but he’s disappointed, and when you get him home, you let him vent to his mind’s content.
All the while, you’re drawing him a bath, doing a light skin routine on his face, greasing his scalp, and curling up on the couch with his back against your chest.
You know his brothers have his best interest at heart, and respect his role in the club, but sometimes he can get in his head about it, and that’s when you step in.
——-
Soap:
Johnny kept his lifestyle a secret from you at first. You’d only been hooking up for a couple of weeks before you both confessed to wanting more.
The crew had mocked him relentlessly about his inability to keep a relationship casual. 
“Give it up mate, you ain’t even foolin’ yourself!” Gaz had clapped him on the back, laughing right in his face. “You start up with a girl right, and it’s over. You’re looking for a house by sunup.”
“Och, piss off with ya! I can keep it casual!” Indignant, and maybe a little drunk, he elbowed the man on the other side of him. “Tell em’ Ghost.”
Simon glanced at him sideways, bourbon halfway to his lips, careful it didn’t spill due to the prodding. “Johnny, some pretty bird starts chirpin’ in your ear and it’s curtains. Now fuck off.”
He couldn’t believe his friends, no — brothers, had such little faith in him.
Cut to a few days later, with him balls deep in you, confessing he wanted more. 
“I’ll be good to ya bon, I swear it. I’m all for ya, just be for me?”
The only thing that lessened the embarrassment of proving his friends right, was that you seemed relieved, and admitted it was what you wanted too.
He couldn’t help it. Ever since he’d been patched in, besides the camaraderie, he was enamored with the relationship between Price and his old lady. There were plenty of solid old lady/old man pairings around him, but something about the way the club queen cared for her man, kept the other girls in order, and still maintained a life for herself was astounding to watch.
He couldn’t help chasing that in every girl he’d gotten with since he’d joined up. So many girls wanted the mystique of a sexy biker, but that’s all he was for them. Either a living dildo, or an attraction they could make their friends jealous with. Things never got very far outside of the bedroom. Except once, but that didn’t go over so well in the end.
He wanted that ride or die bond so badly, he couldn’t wait to have the perfect old lady to wife up and fill a house with brats. 
With you, he prayed he was it for you, because you had quickly become it for him. 
You were a good girl. Specifically, his good girl now. He felt it was highly unlikely you would go for his lifestyle, and so he kept it under wraps at first. He knew he had to tell you at some point, but he wanted to soak up as much time as he could in case you checked out.
“Nah sweetheart, it’s nah like that. We get a little rough, but mainly, we just appreciate bikes.”
“Do ya think I have what it takes to be in a criminal organization? And with ya not knowin’ no less!?”
“Let’s talk about something else bon, did ya ken your thighs look cute warming my ears?”
Guilt eating through him like acid, especially when the club picks up on the fact that he hasn’t brought you around. Anytime Soap has a girl in his bed more than once, he’s parading around the club with her in no time. They know there’s something special about you, and that baffles them even more. Soap claims it’s because you live one town over, which you do, but Gaz calls him on his shit.
He’s hyper defensive, and fights until he’s blue in the face before he admits it’s true. He’s afraid you’ll turn out like the others, or reject him all together. He’s so far gone at this point, he’d rather you use him than leave him.
Price doesn’t like it, and councils him against lying to you any further for numerous reasons. Soap promises he’ll tell you soon, but he’s trying to convince himself as well as his president.
Eventually he couldn’t hide it anymore, but it wasn’t exactly his choice when the curtain got pulled back. 
The two of you had been to a late movie, Johnny finally having had time to squeeze in a date with you after a series of back-to-back runs. You’d suggested coming to him for once to take the burden off. Before he could object, you’d admitted that you were already in town, and he’d rushed to meet you. 
Though he was nervous about you hearing something, or seeing someone off-color that he knew, he couldn’t deny he loved the day he spent with you.
He never needed a reason to want to kiss you, but something about your soft smile under the parking lot lights compelled him right then. Maybe because your expression said just how content you were to be with him, and he buried that in his heart.
“Wait a minute.” He stopped you, lips on yours before you could ask why.
Parking lots didn’t exactly get safer as they got darker, and emptier, but he couldn’t stop once his lips touched yours. Then you started tugging on the curly hair of his Mohawk like you did when you’d really gotten into things.
He was just about to suggest he stay over at your place, when you were interrupted by a cop. You assumed he was going to warn you about loitering and apologized, but he and Johnny knew that wasn’t what it was about. He called Johnny “Soap”, and you were confused as to how they knew each other.
“Oh, Scotboy here goes back with the law a long ways back home.” The cop tried to clap Johnny on the shoulder only for him to violently dodge it. “Easy. I’m not booking you on anything…tonight.”
You were at a loss for what the cop thought he could book Johnny on, and called it out as harassment. Johnny knew, by the sick expression on his face, that the cop was eager to spill it all once he realized how little you knew about the man you were clutching. He tried to prevent that from happening.
“Yeah well, you’re just wastin’ time then, and we have a drive.” Johnny’s arm tightened around your shoulder as he started to lead you away.
“Sweetheart, I don’t know what he’s told you, but if you were my daughter I’d want you to know. That’s a dangerous man you’re on the arm of.”
“Shut up.” Johnny growled, and he knew you had to be thinking about how you’d never seen him like this, but he’d also never been this angry around you.
“Johnny…” you pushed at him to try and get him to move, but he was rooted in rage.
He knew where the cop was taking it.
“This was when you were a prospect back in England right? The number you did on the guys from that other charter…interpol still talks about it. Oh wait…they never proved it was you did they?”
Johnny thumbed his nose and sniffed, jutting out his chin in utter opposition of the man in front of him. “Nah, wasnae even in the country at the time.”
“That’s right. You’ll have to forgive me, I’ve only read the reports our precinct got when you boys moved to town.” The obnoxious officer bounced his palm off his forehead in a mock gesture.
Johnny felt you squeeze his arm, grounding him for the moment, and he thought you might be saying something. His ears sounded like the Grand Rapids ran through them. A hot rage was settling into his chest, and spilling into other parts of his being.
The smug expression of the cop, one of the ones on the force who’d made things personal with the club was
“Johnny!” You shook him, finally getting through to him. “I want to leave.”
He exhaled, softening at your expression. Little tremors of adrenaline wracked through him, but he still led you towards his bike by a firm grip.
“You know, they included pictures in those files they sent over. What you did to those guys..” The cop whistled from behind you.
Johnny helped you into your helmet, watching as your eyes raced with questions, but you were so good for him. You would wait to ask him. 
He brushed his thumbs over the apples of your cheeks. “Ignore him bon. Whatever he says, please.”
“But, the real shame is what happened to Anna.” The cop continued.
In a straight shot, Johnny launched himself at him. “Shut your fuckin’ mouth!”
“They cut her up pretty bad. Was her nose always on the side of her-”
He knew it was bait, and he admitted as much later, but he’d taken the active grenade in his hand all the same. The wounds that piece of shit poked were too raw not to, on top of probably killing everything between you and him. 
Everything was designed to hit a critical point in him. His past deeds, Anna, and most importantly, you.
All he could think about was if he was going to lose you after tonight, there was no way he wasn’t going to make it count all over the bastard’s face.
The local police had been looking for something, anything, to get the club on, but they’d been too careful. That’s what Price had told you on the way to the precinct. Johnny had dialed for you while the cop was getting back to his feet.
“Was any of what he said true?” You were clutching your purse the way you had since you’d gotten into the car with Price and the club’s lawyer.
“I don’t know what you mean love?” Price looked at you cooly, not giving anything away, though you were sure he knew what you meant.
“Never mind.” You shook your head. “I know it’s true. Did Johnny really hurt those guys? Who’s Anna?”
Price kept his eyes on the road, while the lawyer kept his attention on his phone. The air couldn’t have been more tense,
“You should talk to your boy sweetheart. Don’t let some future desk-riding prick make you doubt the man who’d rip out his own heart just to show you it’s yours.”
You swallowed, hard, and didn’t say anything else until you got to the station.
“Um…I think I’m just going to Uber home. Tell Johnny I’ll call him.”
Price nodded, but his look was disapproving. “‘m sorry to hear that,” he adjusted his dark beanie. “But if that’s what you think is best.”
You did not call him. Not later when you were sure he had been released, and not the next day. You wouldn’t even open the never-ending text thread between you two.
He texted you early enough to be apologetic about it, and you had to push your phone to the far side of your bed to stop yourself from responding.
You went about your daily routine, getting ready for your shift at the diner. Your one room apartment didn’t allow you the luxury of pretending your phone wasn’t blowing up with text messages, but you were too afraid you’d cave if you saw the screen while attempting to silence it.
He showed up at the diner, and you pretended to be too busy in the back until he left.
He waited outside of your place, but you wouldn’t come down, going so far as to turn off the lights when you realized he was there.
No call was answered, no text replied to.
Johnny was a wreck. So much so, that as furious as Price and Ghost had been, as much as they’d come down on him, they weren’t sure he’d even heard it. They saw his regret, he did have his brothers and their families in mind, along with the fact that he was a higher ranked member who set a piss poor example for prospects and basic members. 
The fact that his stunt could’ve cost them their freedom. He saw all of that.
But he was HURTING. Physically, mentally, emotionally. It was all Johnny could do to roll out of bed and do the basics before he crawled back again. 
All the club girls dropped by his dorm. Some to be flirtatious, which he lashed out at, some to show sympathy. 
Mrs. Price and Ghost’s girl were especially gentle. It’s the darkest period in Johnny’s life, even when factoring in the Anna situation. It’s clear to all around him, you’re it for him. His soul is yours, and he’s dying without you.
It was Simon who came to you and changed your mind. He couldn't take seeing Johnny that way. The whole table was worried, but Johnny was a little brother to the taciturn specter. He’d only see him like this once before, and this was ten times worse.
In the early afternoon, the diner’s customers were nothing but truckers and elderly folks. So when the 6’4 blond with trunk-thick arms, and a permanent scowl walked in, there was no ignoring him. You noticed the kutte, and thought about making a break for the back, but his look said ‘try it’, and you thought better of it.
Instead, you wound up in a back booth with him, taking your 15 minute break. 
“‘m not the preachin’ sort, so I’ll get on with it.” He stared right through you, lighting a cigarette. “‘s no business of mine what you and Johnny decide to do, but you need to talk to him.”
You started to tell him no smoking, but didn’t feel like exerting the effort. Let your boss deal with it if it mattered.
Your hands trembled, so you put them beneath the table in your lap. “If it’s none of your business, then why are you here?”
”Because, it’s destroying him. You’re destroying him.” He turned for a moment to exhale away from your face, and then his gaze was cutting right back to you. “Lad’s a mess and a half without you. We’ve tried to sort him out, but it’s gonna take you.”
”He lied to me!“ the exclamation left your mouth without a thought to volume control, and you pointedly ignored the stares you knew were at your back.
”You knew.” he said simply. “You may not have known the specifics, and we told him not to do it that way, but you knew.”
Your mouth opened and closed repeatedly, trying to express the million thoughts in your head.
”You may be a town over, but our name gets around. I know you’ve heard somethin’.” He tipped the ash in the glass of water you’d gotten him. “You’re a smart bird by Johnny’s account.”
“If you told him not to lie, then why are you telling me not to be upset?”
“‘m not, ‘m tellin’ you to hear him out. Put him out of his misery, whatever you decide.”
The man left the booth, standing back to his full height and casting a shadow over the booth.
“He’s a right fuckin’ mess. Loves you more than life.”
“More than Anna?” The name that had been swirling around in your mind came out in a semi-bitter question.
There was something that could have possibly been a flinch, but you weren’t sure. It made you regret mentioning it either way.
He stubbed out the cigarette. “He’ll be round yours by the time you get off.”
He was. Looking completely unconfident and nervous about being there. His eyes were bloodshot, and his beloved mohawk showed signs of too many anxious tugs. 
This wasn’t what you were used to with the confident man, and you didn’t like it. You understood, you looked the same way, but you didn’t like it.
He was apologizing constantly, between spilling streams of exposition that only served to confuse you, instead of clearing things up. You finally had to tell him it would just be easier if you could ask questions instead, and he sat back and became an open book.
It went all evening, and then well into the morning. Every question led into lengthy conversation.
“Who’s Anna?”
“...A good lass who didn’t deserve what she got.”
“So it’s definitely more than just appreciating bikes. Why?”
“They’re my family, and they’ve always had my back while lettin’ me be myself. If I have to do somethin’ a lil dodgy now and then, that’s a small price to pay.”
“I don’t doubt you love me Johnny, you make it impossible to, but how can I trust you after this?”
“By takin’ the chance to believe me when I say I’d rather die than go through this again. If honesty brings you back to me, I’ll never leave it out again.”
The sun is rising by the time the two of you are talked out. You make him stay, seeing that his sleep deprivation was starting to collect its due. It was you who didn’t sleep while you pet his hair from where he laid on your lap, and thought over your feelings.
He wakes when you inform him he has a phone call. He tells you to answer it, and you realize it’s a gesture towards the honest leaf turn. 
He took the time to honesty dump with you, so you admit to him that while you’re still hurt, your mind's made up about taking him back.
It should have frightened you how quickly you sank back into things with Johnny, but what actually frightened you was the reason why. You realized you were just as addicted to him as he was to you. How had you lasted the past couple of weeks?
It’s a mutual obsession, only strengthened by a period of absence. Something he vowed would never happen again.
You let him give you your first tattoo, and you even let him pick the design. He couldn’t believe you trusted him with the honor, and he wound up asking if you were sure five times.
“Baby, yes!” you laughed, squeezing his cheeks as a form of cute aggression over his heart eyes. 
This was such an intimate act for him, that he made sure you were completely alone in his dorm room when the day came. The room is spotless for once, sanitized to government standards. You can’t help but notice that he’s lit candles in your favorite scent, and his playlist is all soft music for once.
He spent weeks sketching the perfect concept, and even created variations for your choosing. He went through soooo many pages, unwilling to settle when it came to his girl.
In the end, it was decided, and he got to work on the inner wrist tattoo. All the while, he was checking in with you to make sure you were good.
“It’s just a small piece baby, I’m ok.” You always pressed a kiss to his nose to reassure him and get him back to work.
He looked so handsome, locked in concentration, that it almost completely distracted from the pain. You’d seen him work before, and you loved it, but this wasn’t just work right now. He was giving you something important, and you sensed that. 
When he finally finished, he sheepishly, almost fearfully, asked you what you thought.
“It’s everything Johnny. When everyone asks who’s the talent behind it, I can’t wait to say he’s my man.”
Soap has no regard for anyone or any place when he wants you, which is all the time. You’re all over the clubhouse together. The couches, the hallways, the armory. Officially, clubhouse outer-walls are your spots during cookouts.
Gaz walked into the storage room, focused on finding a part for a customer. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed you through the empty space on a tall shelf.
“Hi, eh, Kyle!” All that was visible was your face, and he wondered for a second why you were out of breath.
“Hey (Y/N), what’re you doing back here?” He gave you a side glance and smile, his attention mainly on the organized shelves.
“I’m..” you bit your lip, unable to form another word as your eyes rolled back.
Kyle froze, realizing what was happening. “Are you fuckin’ kidding me mate?!”
“You walked in on us!” Johnny’s indignant cry came from below his line of vision.
Sooo many lunch break dates. Technically, Johnny is on shift at the garage, and should be preparing for the next day’s run, but his best girl needs him :( . You work so hard at that cafe, and they never appreciate you. Not like he does.
So when he takes the work pickup truck to get you, knowing Price has told him a million times it’s not for that, he can’t be bothered to care.
“Johnny, tell me you did not go across town to buy me this sandwich.” You already knew the answer, and you wanted to scold him for neglecting himself again. “You’re gonna be late getting back to the shop!”
“You love it though. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t take care of ya.” 
“That’s not the point, you-“
“You’re so pretty baby.”
And you melt and forget to be upset.
You can’t stay mad at Johnny with heart eyes and loving, grabby hands. Especially when those grabby hands start to get a little more focused…
What happens in the work truck, stays in the work truck. Until he gets drunk and brags at a club party….
The fun times were well and good, but Soap knew that the day would come when you got a glimpse at the uglier parts of the life. He barely got you back, and you throwing up your hands and declaring it was all too much was all he could think about.
They’d been having issues with the Shadows MC, and it was starting to boil over. They didn’t like the 141 moving in on their territory, but his table had made it clear that wasn’t up to them. This resulted in many skirmishes he could keep under wraps, but then it came to a head.
They’d hit the Shadows hard at one of their core locations, and in preparation for retaliation, Price and Ghost had called a lockdown. This meant all old ladies, kids, and friends of the club were to hunker down at the club compound until they gave the ok.
The day was here, and he’d been dreading it. He couldn’t very well leave you out there, he hadn’t exactly been subtle that you were his girl, but surely you wouldn’t go for it.
Nothing had been asked of you so far, and he was trying his best to keep from burdening you like the typical old lady. He felt you’d be less likely to leave if he kept the weightier things from you.
He must have paced up and down your street in the dark for over an hour. His phone was blowing up with demands he ‘get his ass back to the compound’ with you, ‘NOW’, but he had to do it right. It wasn’t easy to say “We mowed down some of our enemies, and destroyed their operation, and some guys could make you pay for that.”
He could lose you tonight. He could relive his past.
When he finally did get up the nerve to tell you, he was shocked at how well you took it. He knew you were scared, and you couldn’t have been too happy either, but he loved you for your strength in that moment. 
All you did was quietly pack, while his mouth ran a mile-a- minute. Swinging wildly between telling jokes, assuring you you’d fit in just fine with the other old ladies, and apologizing. You kept telling him you were fine, but your smile didn’t reach your eyes.
It took a week to beat the Shadows back. In that time Johnny had been in and out of safe houses, with barely a spare minute to check in with you. If he was being honest, he was terrified.
He couldn’t shake the feeling that when he got back to the compound, you wouldn’t be there. You’d be long gone, and when he went to your place, the things he’d left (so sneakily) would be in a box waiting on the doorstep.
He was so sure of this, that he wanted to go by your place first, but his bone-weary brothers were barely sitting upright on their bikes. Battered and bruised to hell, he couldn’t ask them to indulge his paranoia. The table didn’t like to be too far from each other until they were fully assured they were whole back home.
He was the last to walk through the door, to the shock of his brothers, but he didn’t want to tell them he was probably about to scream his throat raw when he saw you weren’t there. 
He clenched and unclenched his aching fists in anxiety. ‘Just look around the room you daft fucker!’ He mentally scolded himself.
He didn’t get a chance to. You barreled into him, arms locking around his neck. He stumbled back, weariness and shock combining to make his footing unstable, but his back hit the solid metal door behind him.
“I was so fucking worried.” You whispered into his neck, and he felt his neck dampen with what he presumed were tears.
“I was too…” he admitted, finding it in him to grip you to his person with a desperate strength.
Relief flooded his body when you started pressing kisses all over his face, and all he could do was stand there. Receiving your love.
“Oh!” You tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let you. “Johnny put me down, the girls told me about how tired you guys are when something like this happens. You should be resting.”
“I’ll get to that bonnie, just keep kissing me like that.” He whispered, hands slipping into the back pocket of your jeans to keep you close.
You took over as soon as you got him back to his dorm room. You helped him undress, made sure he didn’t collapse in the shower, and even straightened his precious Mohawk while he struggled to pull on the sweats you’d grabbed him. All the while, awkward apologies from him. From you, excited recollections of all the things you’d learned from the strong women around you over the week.
Johnny supposed he had them to thank. In the back of his mind he’d been wondering what flipped the switch, and gifted him the kind of welcome home he used to envy the taken members of the club for getting. You were the best girlfriend he ever had, but an old lady was something else, yet here you were, excelling at that too.
And later, in his room after the hot shower, he collapsed face first on the bed. It took one, deep inhale of the fresh linen to know someone had done laundry. He exhaled with a hum, openly appreciating the clean scent.
“Yeah, you can thank me later.” You laughed, entering the room from his bathroom.
Johnny heard the sound of a lid pop, but was too far gone to look back and see what it was. Then you straddled his back, your soft hands kneading out a week’s worth of tension, self-inflicted and otherwise. He groaned, feeling the soothing lotion follow your hands over the peaks and valleys of his muscular frame.
“Addin’ this to my tab then?” He slurred, half in the dream realm, half with the love of his life.
“Yep, but I know you’re good for it.” You leaned down, nipping his ear, and making him mewl in frustration as he hardened against the mattress, knowing there’d be nothing he could do about it at the moment.
He used the last of what he had to flip you over, mentally cataloging the adorable squeak you let out. Cupping your cheeks, he shared a soft look with you for just a moment, before he sealed his lips over yours. All he could do was hope you could feel everything he wanted to say behind the movement of his lips.
Judging by your soft sighs, he guessed you could.
He pulled away, settling half on you, half off. “I’m settlin’ my debts soon as I’m up hen. Bet on it.”
He makes Ghost promise to take care of you if something ever happens to him. 
“Johnny, shut fuck up,” Ghost glared at him, faint facial scars following his frown. “You’ll outlive us all.”
Johnny stared at him from across the meeting table, more serious than a personification of the sun had any right to be. They were the only two in the briefing room, for some reason the place felt sacred enough to Soap for such a request.
“‘m serious VP, that’s ma heart, I love her.” His accent thickened with emotion, and he sipped his bar as if to wash it back. 
                                                                                                                               His fingers flexed around the sweating glass. “‘m gonna marry her.”
“Lads and I knew that the first time you talked about her.”
Soap smiled at that, but his expression quickly returned to its serious state. “Sweet girl and me have been talkin’ about kids, preferably after.”
A fond quiet bloomed between them at that admission. The two of you had told no one else, and Johnny felt guilty violating your pillow talk confessionals, but he hoped it would get Ghost to agree.
“Want that more than anythin’ VP, but I can’t pull the trigger until I know they’ll be looked after.”
“The club-“
“Not just the club!” He ran a hand through his mohawk in frustration. 
Why couldn’t the stubborn fucking giant just agree?
“I know the club will look after them in general. I know I can trust our table, hope I can trust the other charters.” He sighed, refocusing. “You’re my best friend Simon. I just have to know my girl, and my bairn, would always have you at their back. If I died.”
“Wouldn’t happen. I’d lay my life down so you could make it back-“
Johnny shook his head, choosing not to repeat himself. Instead, he gave his friend a pleading look.
He could see a storm of thoughts and emotions competing for dominance in his friend’s mind. His expression didn’t change much, but it was in his eyes if you knew him.
He saw why Simon was resisting, he didn’t feel worthy of being looked to in that way.
Finally, Ghost responded after grinding his cigarette out in the dish on the table. “Promise the same f’me then. I’ve fucked her life up enough, shouldn’t still be doin’ it when I’m gone.” 
“On my honor.” Soap didn’t even have to think, it was an instinct.
“Then tell your missus you’re ready. I’ll cover my end.”
———
Price:
Head honcho. Chief. The Boss. Captain of the ship. It’s all the same no matter who calls him what, President Price is in charge.
He founded the club after leaving his original due to lack of loyalty, and thoughtless endeavors. He works overtime to make sure his club doesn’t fall in the same way. His code of ethics may not make a lick of sense to anyone outside of the outlaw life, but they’ve garnered the respect and admiration of some of the toughest men around the globe.
They’d follow him through hell because they know he’d be the first one in.
When they’re on a run, selling guns or attending a meeting in neutral territory, John’s mind is all business until business is done. Then it’s all you. He loves hearing his guys talk about how they’re going to spend their new check, or swapping stories about their old ladies. Sometimes, he even joins in.
But what he really wants to do is celebrate with you. Most times you’re already up at the compound. Seeing to the legitimate businesses, taking care of the girls, helping the member’s families, etc.
He respects what you do, what you’re capable of, beyond borders. However, he can’t help but be jealous. You always come to him first, tight hug and a long soft kiss, but then you’re quickly looking over his guys. The men revel in it, almost becoming kittens under your motherly ministrations. Especially Soap and Gaz, who you’re in the same age group as, but you scold all the same.
When the last man has been sent on his way, he’s dragging you away to the little bedroom off his office. He knows you find it amusing, to see his selfishness win out over any tiredness he’s feeling.
Before the door can even close, he’s pulling you close and kissing you his favorite way. A kiss he didn’t know he was capable of until you became his wife. Anytime he was gone too long, you did something that knocked him off his feet, or your affection wasn’t directed solely at him, he kissed you that way.
He cradled your head, holding you steady when he pressed his lips to yours. He left no room for there to be room between the two of you. Rough thumbs slid under your chin, tilting your head up slightly before he slid his tongue between your lips. He knew he had to release you soon, let you remember how to breathe, but it was hard to fight the hunger.
“Nothing flatters me like my big biker husband being unable to share me for two seconds.” you teased, but your teasing came out in short puffs, as your lungs weren’t cooperating with you at the moment.
He could feel you swaying, going dizzy, and he brushed his beard over your ear to make you squirm before he said. “Jump love.”
You did, feeling his heavy hands grasp your thighs seconds later. He slid your legs over his hips, encouraging you to lock down around his waist.
“I’m just making sure you take care of what’s yours.” he thrust upward, hardness touching. “I promised it to you that first time.”
He laid you across the bed, staring down at you with a darkened smirk. “Take some responsibility for the state of your possessions.”
He’s the head of an organization that now exists in several countries. All that responsibility is tiring, even for a man so skilled at navigating it, and there’s been many a day when all he can do is lay his head down for the pain of the headaches.
You can’t count how many times you’ve come up to the club when he didn’t come home, only to find him furiously puffing a cigar and downing shots to dull the pain. 
The guys had families to feed, there were good men behind bars for them that needed to be taken care of, he had tables back home that needed guidance, there were property expenses, legal retainer fees, and more. Much more.
That meant more risky non-legit work, which meant stretching the legitimate business to cover what that brought in. He had to know when it was time to expand, when it was time to halt, and when it was time to move to something else.
But he’s just a man, one man, and you’re there to remind him of that. 
“John?” You had been expecting to find him in his office, but the moment you stepped into the club house, you saw him at the bar.
He wasn’t alone. 
Phillip Graves, president of the Shadows MC finished off his drink and clapped John on the back. 
“We’ll talk again.” He nodded his head towards you with a wink and a smile. “Ma’am.”
Your narrowed eyes followed him out of the door, remaining there until his motorcycle’s engine was a distant roar. At that point, you turned back to your husband.
He was gripping his forehead, lit cigar balanced on the heavy crystal ashtray next to him. The last remnants of whisky mingled with the melting ice in his glass, which he threw back before attempting a fake smile.
”Hello darling, you just close up shop?”
”Yeah, and I got home to find my husband wasn’t there. What the fuck John? You said you were going to work on this.” 
You tossed your purse on the counter. “And Graves?! I can’t even-“
”(Y/N), don’t start.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I do not have that in me right now.”
Sighing, you placed one hand on his back, using the other to put out his cigar. He protested with a disapproving grunt, but was too tired to do more than that. Your face softened at that realization.
He pushed back from the bar a little, allowing you to slide onto his lap, legs splitting over his thighs. “I’m just worried. You can lead a table, you can lead the whole organization, but you can’t carry the whole thing on your back.”
You cupped his head like he often did to yours, and massaged the base of his skull. His eyes slid shut, body going lax, and he practically purred.
Leaning down, you scattered gentle kisses on his face, careful to leave no spot untouched, before going in for a whiskery kiss. It was here John took over, thanking you for the attention.
“You know that it’s not you I don’t trust right?” you asked between kisses. “It’s him.”
“I know, and you know I value your judgment.” He got underneath your shirt, hands rubbing your sides slowly. 
There was a moment of domestic peace and quiet. You massaging his temple, and he massaging your sides. Though you trusted the capable man going soft under your hands, you hoped he wouldn’t regret whatever Graves was bringing to your door.
John doesn’t come to your shop often, but it’s not because he doesn’t support your career. It’s because he can’t watch you work for very long without wanting you biblically on every surface.
You love his open attraction to you, so it’s not exactly the easiest thing to ignore. No matter how much you try to stay focused on the job, the man is the love of your life, and he looks handcrafted by god.
Hunched over a client’s thigh, your brows were drawn in concentration on the elaborate Victorian cameo piece.
Out of the corner of your eye, you could see John lounging in the plush desk chair he’d dragged over. A good distance to respect your client, but close enough, he could keep eyes on his favorite person.
Your client was amused, laughing through a wince, she nodded in John’s direction. “You’ve got a not-so-secret admirer.”
“I’ve been caught lovely, what to do now?”
”Ignore you.” You quipped before glancing up at your client. “He’s my husband.”
”Oh,” she hummed. “That explains the heart eyes.”
At that, you did have to look up, instantly wishing you hadn’t. It was a visual trap. 
John, sitting there like the king he was, manspreading with no shame. Black beanie, tight jeans, dark sweater with his royal kutte draped over the sweater, and leather boots. You told him more than once he could model, to which he feigned offense. 
“Focus on your work.” John admonished, but the smirk he said it though was pure sin.
Your eyes had strayed below the belt, and John was fully aware of this. Reveling in it really.
”Don’t you have a bike to fix? A prospect to bottle feed?”
”Nope,” his arms crossed behind his head, an action you saw out of the corner of your eye. “I belong to my missus this evening.”
Your client cooed, undoubtedly enjoying the banter between you and John. You did too, too much, and his bit about belonging to you made you have to pause and readjust yourself.
”Every evening really.”
”That’s nice John.” You hissed, lifting the gun from her skin to wave him off.
Your client laughed, trying hard to hold herself steady for you.
“Don’t encourage him.” you turned yourself at an angle slightly, trying and failing to ignore him. 
“Well, it’s really far more than just evenings isn’t i-“
You lifted your foot from the pedal, and placed the tattoo gun on the tray next to you. 
“Kitchen, now.” You gave your client a sheepish smile. “We were due for a break anyway hun. Can I get you anything?”
She was visibly entertained by you and John, after all, the two of you had become a legendary couple in these parts for a reason.
“I’m good, take your time.”
John winked at your client, strolling behind you into the back. You waited until he was in the kitchenette before sliding the door closed.
”You’re such an ass.” But your hands were already under his sweater, running up and down his chest.
You appreciated that he took up so much space in the little room, forcing the two of you together. You could blame the room’s dimensions for being all over him, and not your unwavering attraction to the man.
“I haven’t seen you in 15 hours, yes, I counted. I’m always counting when it comes to you. You can’t ask me to behave.” 
Large hands slid into your hair, fingers interlocking to cradle your head. He didn’t even have to pull you in to kiss you, and he grinned, clearly also appreciating the size of the space.
“You think she’s a big enough fan to give us thirty?”
You actually have three rings. Your engagement ring, your wedding ring, and one of John’s rings that he gave you the first night you fucked.
In the quiet of the briefing room, somewhere you were surprised to be, you sat on his lap. The two of you soaked up the afterglow, the party raging outside fading to a dull noise outside of your own world. Coming down from your high, you let out a soft noise of surprise when John gripped your hair to kiss you with one hand. The other hand grasped your own, the one that had come to rest on his chest when you’d ridden him into his throne.
He slid the silver, braided band onto your ring finger, promising. “The first to come”
He loves to get in the ring and show off for you. Sometimes, there’s a loud mouth from a visiting club, or another table visiting, and John takes them to the ring they have in the back of the club’s compound. 
Usually, it’s Konig’s or Simon’s domain, but it’s not because John doesn’t love dishing it out as much as them. That becomes apparent when he delivers careful, strategically brutal, blows to his opponent. Enough to win, and then a few more to humble.
You had long ago stopped lying to yourself about how much it turned you on. So when John emerged from the ring, panting, abs catching the compound’s lights on a sheen of sweat, you always dragged him off. Under the guise of cleaning him up of course ;).
John’s breeding kink goes wild when he sees you with a baby, or any kid really. He’s been around the club life long enough to see many couples welcome kids. One of the first outings the two of you made as an official thing was to the hospital to see the birth of a member’s baby.
His old lady bonded with you, and you were quickly given child holding privileges. It came so naturally to you, and John felt what he figured the two of you would get to eventually quickly build itself a home in his chest. New Kink unlocked: breed you on any surface he could find.
He couldn’t tear his eyes away, it was hypnotizing. His family around him saw it for what it was. Their president had this future scene, starring you and him, written all over him.
He thought the intensity of it was something he had to keep under wraps until he noticed you had the same feelings. 
Baby showers, shopping for 141 babies, school drives and charities the club did for the local youth, seeing cute kids on social media. It didn’t matter, John caught on to the fact that you fucked him like a feral rabbit whenever you got that maternal glint in your eye. He didn’t call you on it until after you were married. The day when your shop receptionist went on maternity leave. 
You’d been going on all through dinner, and then while doing the dishes, about how cute the kid would be, and you loved helping her with her nursery, and how she was already glowing. The more you ranted, the harder he got, until finally, he trapped you against the counter.
“I reckon it’d be easier to just say you want to be a mum.” he lifted one leg to his waist, and bucked against your clothed heat. “Say it.”
You stammered, eyes wide, pupils blown. “J-John..”
“Say it.” his voice somehow found a lower octave to sink to, choked with desire.
“What are you talking about?” you whined, embarrassed at being found out.
“Don’t be embarrassed. I’m hard as steel love, you feel that?” he grabbed your wrist, kissing the knuckles before quickly brushing them over his length. 
“That’s how bad I want to make you a mum, can’t you just admit it too?”
Tilting your chin up, he placed tiny kisses under your chin, purposely dragging his beard across the soft skin after each kiss. 
“C’mon then, tell your husband the truth so I can give us what we both want”
You whimpered, clutching the fabric of his t-shirt. “John..”
“Go on, invite me in.” he slipped his index finger in the top of your panties just enough to play with the elastic. Stretching it until it threatened to fly back against your skin before he eased it back in place.
You moved forward in an attempt to make his finger slip lower, and he laughed darkly, holding you in place. Shaking his head, he repeated his precious statement.
“Give me a baby John.” you huffed, frustration rising until all that you could do was spill the truth. 
Gasping, you felt the cold tile of the counter beneath your thighs. You tried to process how he’d gotten you up there so fast, but your mind didn’t want to focus on anything other than your husband kneeling before you with the most determined look you’d ever seen.
As he slipped your panties and pajama shorts down your legs, he whispered how it’d be best if you prepared an excuse for work while you could still think straight.
315 notes · View notes
amalthiaph · 13 days
Text
Tumblr media
I took an interest in The Bad Batch around the tailend of S2. It's not news to Tumblr that I almost slept on this show. And I cannot thank Caleb Dume enough for being the reason why I pressed the play button for this one. While I haven't been around for most of its active run, and I wish I had been, the last year has been among the best months of my life.
This show challenged my morals, and taught me lessons that I will forever take with me.
Tech taught me to embrace and take pride in who I am. I now think that I am not something that needs to be cured. I needed to be understood and accepted. He taught me that we deserved to be loved and be allowed to live the way we want to (as long as we are not causing harm to ourselves or to others).
Hunter taught me that at the end of the day, we're all still humans. We make mistakes. We fail. But we can learn from them, and we can strive to be better. And I should also take care of my hair bec I cannot accept that a man in a galactic war have better hair than me (Okay, did you honestly think I'm gonna be serious this entire essay?)
Crosshair taught me that at the end of the day, we really are still humans. Sometimes, we make choices that not everyone will understand or agree to. Sometimes, we don't even understand our own choices. But we can learn from them, and we can strive to be better. And that I should also go to therapy bec istg my hand shakes like hell I always need to rely on a pen stabilizer when doing my artworks.
Wrecker taught me that in this world where we can be anything, always choose to be kind. He is a great man who would always be there for everyone, and I hope that one day, I can be that person too. He is afraid of heights, but he climbs and go on high places anyway. Like him, I should also start conquering my fears. Dear Wrecker, I did try conquering my fear of heights last March 9 but I can't. I will try again.
Echo taught me to always fight for the greater good. Almost two years ago, me and a group of people campaigned for a great tomorrow. With pink flags and pink balloons, we worked on our little thing I like to call our rebellion. Sadly, we lost. At times, I am thinking of just giving up bec that's democracy and I cannot go against the people's decision, but characters like Echo and the rest of Rogue One taught me that nothing should ever stop me for fighting for the people's rights and that my love for my fellow citizens should always come first before hatred.
And lastly, Omega taught me to be curious, or more likely to not be ashamed for being curious. Learn about the world. Learn about lots of things. We never know when we need it. While I could say be good at strategy and win 30 grand on card games, nahhh, I'm not that smart.
I also learned to reevalutate myself as an artist. This show taught me integrity. I had ranted about this lately but these characters challenged me in terms of art. I knew that the creators aren't best at proper representation. While I could draw them as they are in the show, I choose to stand for what is right, and represent them as properly as my skills could. In the more technical side, I became good at drawing armors. And this little Actors AU Draw Series taught me to be responsible; I tried my very best to create and post them on time. This increased my productivity.
But enough about me.
There's something I realized two nights ago; we, the fandom, are Bad Batchers ourselves. We can consider ourselves a family, but not one of us is the same and we're all interesting, and capable in our own unique ways. We can have our own opinion and stand about something and still coexist. Like our favorite charactera, we embrace and celebrate our differences.
This show may end. No more Bad Batch Eves, no more cryptic tweets that cause us to hyperventilate, no more Bad Batch Wednesdays but it will live on, through us.
I know there will be a day where we decrease in number, one by one, little by little, but still, the show will live on through our actions, our opinions, our choices we make after May 1, 2024 because I know that all of us were changed in some ways by these characters and this show.
To the crew, your cryptic tweets caused me sleepless nights, but thank you so, so much. It is through your hardwork that we had this wonderful show. Thank you for making every second of the past year so worthwhile and enjoyable for me and for everyone.
However this show will end, whether happy or sad, I am glad it happened. However short my time was with them, I am happy I had been here. However short my time with everyone in the fandom was or if some of you leave one day, still, thank you so much for being part of my life; I am so happy I met all of you.
To Clone Force 99, thank you. I've never loved anything like this before. May the Force be with you.
247 notes · View notes
creativity-deficient · 2 months
Text
Anywayssss I genuinely think this is one of the most important creek scenes we have so far and I don’t see a lot of people talk about it so let’s get into it
Tumblr media
So it all goes back to this scene-
Tumblr media
I know it’s generally agreed upon amongst the fandom that Tweek and Craig were only fake dating/doing it for the town at first, but at some point their relationship became real, and it’s easy to see why, I mean, it is left pretty vague in all fairness.
I, however though, don’t believe this to be the case? Like YES, the town shipping them together is absolutely what brought them together in the first place, and they did not seem to have any interest towards each other before that, that’s indisputable. HOWEVER I don’t think that necessarily means their relationship was “fake” either. I do think it took time and work to get to where they are now, but I also think that the whole situation, as crazy as it was, not only helped them both to be more open and honest with themselves about their sexualities, but also in the end, DID genuinely bring them closer together.
Tumblr media
One thing I have always found super interesting about Tweek in this episode (and this could just be me) is that unlike Craig, he doesn’t seem to struggle as much with accepting his sexuality but rather, how he will be perceived because of it. His first thought when finding out about all the yaoi art is “what if my parents find out?” He’s afraid and anxious of what others will THINK of him if they know.
But in this scene, it’s clear that he’s no longer afraid, and I feel what he says to Craig here sums it up pretty well-
“I’m so sorry Craig, you made me believe in myself in a way I never have before. I didn’t think it had any of that in me but, you were right! I can do more than I think. You CHANGED something in me and I want to fix whatever’s hurting you now.”
It’s because of CRAIG that he now has this newfound confidence, and I truly believe it changed his perspective of him. Obviously I don’t think he full on fell in love with Craig right there and then, but I DO think that Craig being the first person to ever really make him believe in himself has made him start to see him in a different light, acting as the catalyst for what was about to come (in more ways than one, but that’s another rant)
Tumblr media
It’s no secret that Tweek lives a pretty tough life. He’s abused, neglected, and no one really takes him seriously
But Craig?
Craig is the first person who has actually made feel Tweek SEEN. Like he’s MORE than what others, including himself, think that he is
Tumblr media
It’s such a brief scene, but I feel like it says SO much, because even just being there, sitting together on the couch and being able to talk about WHATEVER without feeling like he’s going to be judged because of it is probably WAY more than anyone else has ever done for him
Tumblr media
And you can tell it means the world to him
348 notes · View notes
redwineandtarot · 9 months
Text
your life 5 years from now (timeless)
hi! today we will take a look at how your life looks like 5 years from now. this is a timeless reading so whenever this find you, you can read it. we have free will, i am just reading energies so take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. i would love to hear your feedbacks <3
🥀paid readings🥀
Disclaimer: My readings do NOT replace any professional advice. Use your own judgment while making decisions. You have your own free will. Take everything I say light-heartedly. All of my readings are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES.
pick a pile
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
piles 1-2
3-4
i do not own these pictures
pile 1
In the next 5 years you will reap what you sow pile 1! I see amazing opportunities career wise. These opportunities will come to you because you are stepping out of your comfort zone and working hard for what you want. You will be stepping up your game and leading your life with proudness. You are action oriented for sure.
You may start doing the things you were afraid of before. Because you are in a more action-oriented mode, you will overcome those fears. At first you will do them while you are scared, but as time goes by you will overcome them.
I see such a confident person pile 1!
For a while you may have been on guard about love. This may have been because of a betrayal or not seeing a healthy relationship example (when you were a child etc.). I see that changing. A person will come who is going to change your outlook on love. They are very loving and giving. You may also do charity work with them. While you are action-oriented career wise, I see your lover coming to you. 
I talked a lot about material gains. However you are stepping up your game also spiritual-wise. I said you will reap what you sow. You will and manifesting them will help you get them. Spirit is suggesting you to start manifesting if you don't already. You could do a vision board etc. Whatever feels right to you.
Your intuition will be heightened, like A LOT. Because the card to represent you is the MYSTIC. You will be one with the divine.
At the end of this 5 year period, you will have gone through a massive change. This will lead you to be more confident and be more accepting of yourself. I see you living an authentic life. This massive change will also have an impact on your spirituality.
I talked about you being action oriented, but I still see you preserving your feminine side. You will, thus, have a great balance of feminine-masculine energies, material-spiritual world etc. 
Overall I see you quite content with your life, pile 1.
The area of life going through the most transformation: 6th house What energy you will be in: Taurus Your uranus placement will be guiding for you in the next 5 years.
thank you for reading💕
pile 2
This may be literal or metaphorical depending on your situation:
I see someone’s heart getting broken, or going through something hard. However instead of this wrecking them completely, they rise up stronger than ever. This person I am seeing, uses this experience to create a masterpiece of some sort. To let people know that they are not the only ones going through this. Let them help with their sorrow. And this creation makes the wheels turn: they become someone people look up to, they achieve great success.
The first thing I wanna say is: You will get what you deserve pile2.  
You may have gone through something in the past or recently that affects you now. If not (please do not be scared) I see you going through something heavy emotionally. This thing depends from person to person. You are/will be victimizing yourself a lot. However when you come out of this energy, the real deal will begin. Like I said in the intro; this will inspire you to do something creative, it doesn't have to be related to art/music but for most of you it is. If it's not related to art/music, it may be becoming a psychologist etc.  
From this point on you will have regained your trust in the universe and in yourself. You will start doing whatever this is. For some of you, this is a childhood dream. (This is a confirmation for you to go for it.) Just this heartbreak inspires you to take action on this dream. Whatever you do, your path/creations will help people in some way. And as a result you will gain great success. Jupiter will bless you with happiness and abundance. Because you will be taking responsibility for yourself and will surrender to the divine. 
Spirit again and again tells me that you need to have faith in your dreams, they are coming true in the next 5 years as long as you take responsibility and trust the universe. You just need to be patient.
Believe in yourself pile 2, because me and the spirit really do.
The area of life going through the most transformation: 1st house What energy you will be in: Capricorn Your venus placement will be guiding for you in the next 5 years.
thank you for reading💕
pile 3
Your different aspects find life, pile 3. I see you as a multi talented/multi faceted person and all of your versions are blossoming 5 years from now. You are acknowledging your different versions as a person, and nourishing them throughout these 5 years and in the end these different aspects of you will shine brightly together, I see.
You are also tackling more than one job/hobby at once. Maybe you have a main job and a side job/passion project. Or just lots of hobbies. However you are working hard in general. But this is not just a “work to work” thing. You really do enjoy the things you do. I see you living an authentic life. You probably have lots of goals and are working hard to achieve them. By the end of 5 years you will have achieved great things however after these 5 years I see even BETTER blessings coming your way. It’s like you're at the verge of a BIG breakthrough.
I see you financially well off. However you do not stop. You still try to find ways to make more money and better yourself. I see you as an ambitious person.
If you haven't found it yet, you will find your “personal calling”. Or if you have that sort of thing, you will find other things that will light your soul up. Luck will be on your side throughout these 5 years.
I also see you doing shadow work and healing the deep wounds you have inside. (For some, especially regarding money. Maybe some of you struggle(d) from being envious of financially well off people. ) Whatever it is, you are healing.
You are so grateful for the life you are living. I see you quite content with your life. You are emotionally fulfilled. A lot will happen in these 5 years.
You will find a great balance of giving-receiving, moving-resting, planning-accepting etc. You will listen to your soul and body more as well as the universe.
The area of life going through the most transformation: 7th house What energy you will be in: Leo Your north node placement will be guiding for you in the next 5 years.
thank you for reading💕
pile 4
First of all, I see that you have achieved a great balance in your life. You may be lacking some balance regarding an aspect of your life. I see that resolving in the next five years. Also an issue regarding your personal life. That will resolve too, whether it is connected to your balance or not. 
You will realize your real potential and take the reins. I suggest you to look up your south and north nodes because they will help you get to know yourself more. You will be showing up to the world as your authentic self. I am not meaning that every secret of your will be on display but you are not people pleasing etc. On the contrary you are keeping your secrets and are working in silence. Yes, this transformation will be shocking to most of the people because you won't be telling most of the people/anyone. For example you may want to start a dance class, you will go there in silence and when people see how well you dance after a while they will be shocked because you haven't told them. 
You are not shying away from challenges, pile 4. I see you as a brave person. And I think that’s what makes this transformation bigger and more impactful.
Prior to transforming (or at the beginning), you will go on maybe a hermit mode? You will get all philosophical and better yourself regarding knowledge of any kind. I see you working hard.
You are also standing firm on your ground. When a situation arises, you defend yourself if you know that you're right. I also see this as defending your own life path. I am not saying everybody will be against you or supporting you but if someone talks negatively to you, this won't bother you. Because you are already proud of yourself. So you defend yourself firmly.
A love interest or (mostly) a soulmate will come into your life. You will probably not see this coming but they are coming with so much love and things to offer. For the ones in a committed relationship (and don't see themselves breaking up) this may be about not losing the love and compassion to each other and maybe even taking the next step.  For example if you are in a relationship, your partner may propose to you or you can get engaged etc. 
You overall will be so happy about the life you are living, pile 4.
The area of life going through the most transformation: 8th house What energy you will be in: Pisces Your sun placement will be guiding for you in the next 5 years.
thank you for reading💕
1K notes · View notes
grandeoatmilklatte · 28 days
Note
Fellow oat-and-omi-lover,
I have a request. It's loosely thought out and entirely up to you for interpretation.
But basically, I'd love to see a very touch-starved Ominis (you know, never been hugged or kissed in his family, the other students are wary of him, his only touchy friend was Sebastian and that's gotten tense recently) with a touch-shy MC.
Ominis is so tactile, and his main experience with close friends (the twins) is something MC is just... incredibly skittish about for whatever reason. Like he grew up having them grab his hand or sling an arm around his shoulder or greeted him with hugs, and now he's just got this singular friend available to him and there's so much adjustment on both sides???
He takes their hand to show them something, and they just freeze or startle or something? And somehow, this is reconciled? I'm a sucker for romance as well.
I DON'T KNOW!
Basically touchy Omi and big personal space bubble MC in whatever capacity strikes you.
Maybe.
If you want!
I love you, and thank you for reading my request. 😭💖
@applinsandoranges my love!! I tweaked your idea a bit and turned touchy Omi and touch nervous MC into a brand new couple and made this short little one shot from there! I hope I made you proud!
Getting To Know You In A New Way ❤️ - (Ominis Gaunt x F!MC)
Warnings: Fluff! || Slight NSFW (brief mention of touching) || mention of Sebastian slipping Ominis some liquid courage potion to ask a girl out || characters are 18 and in their seventh year || implications of trauma || aversion to touch || some negative self talk from MC || (1346 words)
Tumblr media
Ominis loved everything about his girlfriend. He loved her from the moment he met her in fifth year, long before she even was his girlfriend. Her kind and gentle nature towards him, despite his lineage, and her alignment with wanting to pull Sebastian away from the Dark Arts drew him to her. As time went on, his love for her only grew stronger, reaching a peak during the first week of their seventh year. After being slipped some liquid courage in his morning tea, courtesy of Sebastian, the boy confessed his feelings for the girl, feelings which were thankfully returned by her. After years of pining, they were finally a couple, and he loved everything about her. But there was one small problem.
Early on in the relationship, Ominis discovered she had a severe aversion to being touched, something he somehow never picked up on in their time as friends. Her aversion was so severe that he wasn’t even allowed to hold her hand for more than a few minutes before she’d pull away, although she did allow him to kiss her, but only with brief pecks on her lips. 
It wasn’t a matter of her being ashamed of Ominis, this theory being easily debunked by the way she gushed about “my boyfriend, Omins” to anyone who would listen, their frequent dates, and her general love of being in his presence. She was just exclusively afraid of physical contact. Ominis never pushed for an explanation, feeling like it was still too early in the relationship to do so. Although he knew from the early days of their friendship that she didn’t have the best upbringing, growing up in an unaffectionate home, something Ominis was all too familiar with. 
Her aversion to touch created some difficulties for Ominis, his own love language being physical touch. He was desperate to feel the skin he couldn’t see, to know her in a new way, and he cursed anyone and everything that hurt her in life that created this trauma response. But nevertheless, he accepted her fully, never pressuring her, or touching her without her consent, hoping that there would come a day where his love and support could heal her. 
It had been a particularly rough week for the two of them, having been partnered and assigned an enormous project for their History of Magic class. They had spent countless hours in the library working on this project, and were incredibly nervous about their grade, grades being exceptionally important in their final year of school. Upon receiving their project back, they refrained from checking their grade until they had a moment alone together in The Undercroft, wanting to either celebrate their passing grade together or wallow in sorrow at their failing grade together. When they opened their stack of parchments to see a passing score, she pulled Ominis into a rare, but absolutely welcomed embrace. Ominis inhaled deeply, the smell of her hair flooding his nose and making his heart flutter. He felt her body begin to pull away, wishing the moment could have been longer. But as soon as she pulled away, she leaned right back in, hands coming up to hold his face as she kissed him. 
When she didn’t immediately pull away, Ominis kissed her back, deepening the kiss, but reminding himself to keep his hands away from her. His mind was racing, reveling in the intimacy. But his thoughts were halted and his mind went completely blank when she slowly worked her tongue past his lips. Ominis had completely forgotten his note to self, bringing his hands to rest on her hips as his tongue mingled with hers. She let out a squeak against his lips, but continued to kiss him for another few seconds before she quickly pulled away from Ominis, breathing heavily as she caught her breath.
“I…I’m so sorry…” Her voice was small and sad, and it was clear to Ominis that she was on the verge of tears. He couldn’t make sense of her sadness, realizing that he should be the one apologizing, not her. 
“No, darling, I’m sorry. I know you don’t like to be touched. I got carried away. It won’t-”
“No. It’s not you, it's me. I’m sorry I’m such an awful girlfriend. My boyfriend can’t even hold me without me panicking.” she had begun to cry, Ominis hearing the breaks in her words. “You deserve better than me. I’m so sorry.”
Ominis’s body reacted almost involuntarily as he immediately pulled her into his arms. He stroked her hair as he spoke, his heart shattering at her words.
“You are not an awful girlfriend. At all. Please don’t ever say that again. I love you, and it hurts to hear you say such things about yourself. Come, sit with me.”
Ominis led her over to the sofa they had placed in the corner of The Undercroft some time ago. He took hold of her hands once they were seated and he continued. 
“I know physical touch is hard for you. You grew up in a loveless home. I did too. Physical touch made me feel vulnerable, as I imagine it does for you as well. It used to scare me too. But once I got to Hogwarts and found myself with friends who love me, affection was no longer scary. I don’t want you to be afraid of affection. I want to help you heal from your pain. I want you to realize that you are worthy of love, and I want to be the one to love you. And, if I’m being honest, I would love nothing more than to be able to touch you, to feel you, to know your entire body inside and out. But I can be patient until you’re ready. Your comfort matters more to me than anything.”
Her tears were falling even harder now, but they were no longer tears of sadness. “Oh Ominis! What did I do to deserve a boyfriend as kind and understanding as you? I know I haven’t made things easy for you. I know it’s hard to not be able to touch me, especially with you not being able to see. But I want to get over this fear I have. I want to overcome this trauma, and I want to do it with your help. I love you, Ominis.”
She pulled him into another kiss, this kiss being softer than the first. Without breaking the kiss, she moved Ominis’s hands so that they could be wrapped around her waist before bringing her own arms around his neck. He could feel the tension melting from her body as they kissed. Already she was welcoming the idea of a more physical relationship with him. 
In a move that took Ominis by surprise, she began to lay back on to the couch, pulling Ominis down with her until he was lying on top of her. He had a moment of panic, unsure what to do, but as she began to kiss him with more passion in this new position, Ominis became the one with the tension melting from his body, adjusting so that they were both lying comfortably on the couch. 
Ominis slowly ran his hands up and down her arms, familiarizing himself with her skin, goosebumps forming in the wake of his touch. He then brought his hand up, his fingertips grazing her neck, which earned himself a soft moan. Finally, his hand came up to her cheek, stroking it with his thumb. Reluctantly, he pulled his lips away from hers to catch his breath, his thumb still stroking her cheek.
“That wasn’t so bad!” she said breathlessly. “I think I really like it when you touch me. I can’t wait for you to touch me more!”
There was a hint of sultriness to her words, which sent a tingle through Ominis’s body. He ignored it, knowing that there would be plenty of time to touch her that way later. For now, he was excited to get to know the love of his life in a new way.
Tumblr media
160 notes · View notes
Note
Can I ask for more soft headcanons of Helen as a boyfriend? I need more of Helen please
Yesssss that's my boyyyy I love Helen so much, thank you for this I missed him. I hope you enjoy :)
The longer Helen is dating you, he starts to notice a habit developing inside him. In your early days of dating, you'd offer to sit near him quietly while he does his art, and he'd accept on the condition that you don't bother him too much. Oh, how the times have changed. You'd gradually start talking to him more, and he'd start gradually talking to you more too, and now Helen can't finish an art piece unless he has you by his side telling him about your day, or anything at all you want to ramble about. He's become conditioned into needing your presence while he does any art, which is crazy to him because younger Helen before he met you would be aghast at the thought, but the longer he dates you the more he wants to be around you at any chance he can get. You energize and inspire him, and he finds that he loves any art he makes beside you to be his best work.
Started doing pottery recently as a way to branch out and learn more things, and he tries to make stuff for you all the time. It all started when you pointed out a really cute mug you'd seen online that was out of stock, and with his newfound pottery hobby, he offered to try and make it for you. After it was painted and fired, you were just so extremely excited about it, so giddy and bouncy, something switched on in his brain, and now the poor guy cannot stop wanting to make you more things. The smile you gave him just fucking wrecked him inside, and he needs to see it again. Also??? Would love it if you try and do some pottery with him too. He'll teach you how to do it if you don't already know, and the prospect of making and painting different pottery together is just so relaxing and enjoyable to Helen, so please make sure to do that with him. I'm also headcanoning that one of the first pottery things he made you was a vase, and he always keeps it filled with fresh flowers for you.
Helen has been manifesting a bit of a sweet tooth lately, and that comes in the form of him constantly trying to bake new things, and often baking them for you. I've said before he loves cooking for you (especially high-quality French food as he's French in my canon), so it's only natural that when he gets into baking, he wants you to try all the things he makes and enjoy them with him. I think Helen really enjoys baking because he can also use it as an artistic endeavor, baking and decorating beautiful desserts. Whenever you praise him for them, saying they look and taste wonderful, it always excites him and makes him feel proud, because your opinion is the one he's come to value most. Like with his art, he likes when you're in the kitchen whenever he's baking or cooking for you, and you're the only person he allows in there. He'll have you sit at the kitchen island and talk with him while he whips something up, and he likes to decorate them in front of you so you can see the whole process. Doing things like this for you is just so stress relieving for him, so it's something he tends to do quite often. He's also always taking requests, so if you ever have a hankering for something don't be afraid to ask him for it.
174 notes · View notes
celiciaa · 2 months
Text
GILBERT VON OBSIDIAN EVENT STORY....
Tumblr media
CHAPTER ONE.
I just love you.
translations are not 100% accurate. expect mistakes.
special thanks to @otomehoneyybearr for proofreading! ♡
minors and ageless blogs dni.
One day, I was caught in a runaway carriage in town and lost my memory.
Gilbert: This is trouble. I never expected the little rabbit would forget about all our time together. 
Gilbert: The coachman who caused this accident will be executed at once…
Gilbert: The main issue is this distance between us.
(….This is a nightmare.) 
Tumblr media
(I'm having a bad dream right now.)
I was working at the small bookstore in Rhodolite, the land of roses and art.
But for some reason, I woke up in the castle of Obsidian, an enemy nation of military and ore.
The unrealistic nightmare of being confronted by a handsome looking man with black hair and one eye from the royal family makes me feel dizzy.
(Why am I in Obsidian? And why is a member of the royal family approaching me?)
I rolled off the bed and ran to the wall but,
The man who introduced himself as Gilbert steadily closed the distance between us.
At first glance, he looked like he was smiling, but his blood-colored eye was not, which was simply terrifying.
(He’s the infamous Obsidianite royal family who must have killed many people so far—-)
(If I'm not careful, he could kill me too.)
Gilbert: Hmm, to be so frightened by the little rabbit who loved me so much...
Gilbert: I'm so shocked that I feel like I want to prepare a cage right away.
Walter: You idiot! Don't say that even if it is a joke!
Then, the man who claimed to be the royal physician, Mr. Walter, yelled so loudly that it made me flinch involuntarily.
Walter: You always think of imprisonment and execution whenever someone is in trouble.
Gilbert: I’m serious, you know? Once I confine the little rabbit, she can't escape.
(…)
Walter: Don't threaten the injured person. Look at how pale her face is.
Gilbert: Aah, sorry? I'm the kind and sweet villain to you, so if you don't like it, I'll stop.
Gilbert: But, you know what will happen if you keep acting like that...right?
(I might actually end up being trapped.)
It didn't seem like this was the right time to be afraid and try to escape from reality.
I fought the urge in my body to escape from Gilbert standing in front of me, and held my ground. 
(First, I’ll assess the situation. If I can’t recall anything, I won’t know the right way to act.)
Emma: Why…am I in Obsidian?
Gilbert: Of course, because I brought you here.
Emma: But why a commoner like me….?
Gilbert: Because I’m the big villain who loves the little rabbit very much.
Emma: …Am I the little rabbit?
Tumblr media
Gilbert: Yes, that's right. I love you.
(…I don't understand.)
But surely, I see my reflection captured in those seemingly indifferent red eye.
I felt his genuine feeling of love, and had no choice but to accept Gilbert’s words.
Emma: Can you tell me how I got here?
Gilbert: Sure, I'll spend the whole night telling you.
Gilbert: In bed. 
(!?) 
━━
(I never thought he would actually bring me to bed…)
After Mr. Walter finished treating me, I was led into a spacious room covered in black interior
I was intrigued by the shelves lined with many books that rivaled any bookstore,
Gilbert stopped in front of the bed and urged me to sit down.
(Perhaps this is Gilbert's room?)
(…I can imagine the consequences for not complying would be horrific.)
I tried to sit as far away from him as possible, but Gilbert mercilessly settled down close enough for our shoulders to touch.
I quickly gave up. 
Gilbert: Now, let's start off with the fact that you were chosen as Belle.
━━
Gilbert: ——And so, you are now loved by me, the world's greatest villain, and we lived happily ever after.
(No, no, no….!) 
(Wait, is what you just said true!?)
Tumblr media
I was chosen as Belle to select the next king of Rhodolite,
Apparently, I caught Gilbert’s attention when he visited to participate in a social event,
And now he’s telling me that I’m his fiancée or something….
(This…has to be a lie.)
Gilbert: Let me tell you, I don't lie.
Emma: ….
Gilbert: Huh, you froze. Is it that hard to accept?
Emma: ….I don't think I'll ever be able to accept it.
(It's as if I've been told a grand story, and…it doesn't seem like it's my own.) // (It's as if I've been told a grand story, and…it doesn't feel like it's about me.)
Tumblr media
Gilbert: I see. Then it can’t be helped if your mind rejects it.
Gilbert: But it’s possible that your body might remember.
Emma: What?
The corners of Gilbert’s mouth raised into a smile as he pushed my shoulders and laid me down on the sheets. 
I could easily imagine what would happen next, and my blood ran cold.
Emma: Please stop!
Gilbert: Why? Didn't I just tell you that I'm your fiancé?
Gilbert: We used to do things like this quite often.
I feel his cold lips touch my ears and he bites down forcefully. 
I winced in pain, and he lapped my skin with his tongue.
(This man...seriously…)
(But I don't know...it just feels weird.)
Even though I was being assaulted by a man who I barely know, I don’t feel any disgust at all.
It seems to be true that my body remembers.
Still, my heart couldn't keep up, so I pushed back against his chest, Gilbert bit my skin once more then pulled away.
Gilbert: Did you believe that? // Did you fall for that? 
Emma: Was this a joke? 
Gilbert: You’re injured.
Gilbert: If it weren't for that, I would have forced you to remember.
Emma: ….
Gilbert: Didn't I tell you? That I’m the kind and sweet villain to you.
Gilbert: I'll just have to remind you slowly. // I’ll make sure you remember slowly. 
Tumblr media
Gilbert: Even if you lost your memories, you can never escape from me…okay?
Gilbert combs my hair with his fingers and kisses me.
It was a gentle touch that conveyed love and affection.
(He's supposed to be scary, but...he really seems to love me.)
Why he fell in love with me was never mentioned in the conversation.
(I wonder if one day I'll be able to remember.)
(…I want to remember.)
━━
The next day, the confusion and agitation caused by the memory loss still lingered—-
Gilbert invited me to visit a quiet place full of plants.
Tumblr media
Gilbert: ….
Emma: …..
(…There’s nothing to do.)
It felt like a laboratory, with equipment here I've never seen before and tags attached to plants. // The equipment I had never seen before and the tags attached to the plants looked like a laboratory.
(It doesn't seem like it...or maybe it really is.)
Gilbert is silently writing difficult formulas on a document.
It was somehow refreshing to me.
(I wonder if there's anything to do….)
As I looked around, carefully examining each item one by one, something caught my eye.
Emma: A rose…?
Tumblr media
 ▸       [  next ]
162 notes · View notes