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groovyfrog420 · 1 month

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SV Redeemed AU

INTRODUCTION / DISCLAIMER

First things first, these designs for Shadow Milk and Pure Vanilla are FAR into the future. Quite literally end game phase of the story, the “they grow old together and live happily ever after”. There's a long way to get there, and while I will write some of my thoughts about their journey, I'm a shitty writer. There's no single thought-out plot, it's just bits and pieces of my thoughts in one place.

I don't think I'd be making a tag or naming this AU anything specific. I'm still calling it an AU because there is a bit of canon divergence, but I don’t have a start-to-finish story. (EDIT: wellp that lasted long. new name is #False-Truth AU because I like the oxymoron. I still don't think I'll do much - maybe a few short comics, which you'll be able to find under that tag on my profile)

Keep in mind that these are just my own interpretations, if you imagine these cookies acting differently, that's ok! This is just my own made-up alternate version

LONG POST UNDER THE CUT - don't say I didn't warn ya

I’ve tried to divide it into sections, so if you are looking for just smth specific / only care about one of the characters, you can skip right to it!

Prepare for the ramblings.

PURE VANILLA'S DESIGN

more relaxed now - doesn’t need to keep up perfect appearances and the image of a hero, so he can lay back a bit more. (messier, less perfectly styled hair - more like his younger years. comfier clothes.)

focusing on herbology - with less power now (why explained below) and trying to not overwork himself, he’s taken to different healing methods, as well as taking on gardening as a hobby

slightly more open eyes - (heavily elaborated on bellow)

different staff - due to being able to use his own eyes more now, as well as staying more on the low, he’d decided to retire the famous staff. Since it’s a flower, it was planted somewhere and allowed to blossom and grow freely - fitting symbolism for a new beginning, I think. The lantern light glowing blue makes it easier on his eyes.

PV STORY BITS

In this AU Shadow Milk and Pure Vanilla retire together. I think PV would still like to teach, but would focus more on the medical and practical side of things, like herbs and healing practices. (He’ll leave telling tales about the past to Shadow Milk, though he might throw in his own comments from time to time…) He mostly offers advice and shares every-day methods for protection of different kinds with those who ask, but may take on an apprentice or few to fully pass down his healing knowledge to. He uses magic sparingly now.

This way with not focusing on a variety of subjects and many, many students, he’s able to rest more and doesn’t have to split himself between multiple worries. He can focus properly and give his students more individual attention, to make sure his knowledge will be retained for the future.

Eyes

(don't jump me pls read the footnote)

I've decided to take the closed/covered eyes motif PV has in a bit more symbolic way *. I want to interpret it as PV being blind (=ignorant) to the world around him, choosing to see the world and his own actions in an idealized light, and to look away from anything that doesn't fit that idea. Light sensitivity would be very ironic yet fitting - since his own powers are very light-based, by using them to help others he’d be blindinding/hurting himself in the process...

Over time, he realizes how futile it is. Even if he turns his eyes away from the wrongdoing in the world, from his own mistakes and imperfections, they will still continue to happen. He begins to understand that he has to accept that neither he nor the world is perfect, to stop wallowing over the past and start fixing the present. To keep moving forward and keep working on himself, not hide his imperfections under literal and figurative wraps.

With the help of Shadow Milk, he begins to open his eyes more and more and accept the real truth, no matter how imperfect it is.

*I’m not sure how confirmed it was in canon that he’s blind (from what I’ve seen it was mostly implied, but still). I'm not erasing that - for the sake of this AU, I'd like to say that he has partial issues with sight (including the mentioned light sensitivity), but now he learns to accommodate them rather than ignore them and hurt himself more for the sake of others. No, he doesn't magically gain full sight now, but he's more comfortable, healthier, and more honest about the world around him with all of its imperfections.

Burnout

I believe SM and PV complete each other so perfectly because they can help each other grow in areas where the other is lacking/struggling. With PV, I’d like to focus on burnout, false ideas, and how the pressure he’s constantly under has affected him. He was very much just a normal guy before receiving his Soul Jam. Years beyond a normal cookie’s lifespan of hard work and trying to be the perfect leader, to always ensure the happiness of all his people (whether that be as king or otherwise) are bound to take a toll on anyone. Obviously he'd never admit that, always putting everyone else before his own needs, and he’d likely run himself into the grave. That's where I think Shadow Milk would be helpful - he’d make him realize how unsustainable what he’s doing really is. He wasn’t built for handling immense power for all of eternity, he’s just a single cookie and whether he likes it or not, he can’t save everyone or make every single one of his people happy... Being selfish isn’t entirely wrong, sometimes might even be necessary.

Onto the idea of false truth - Pure Vanilla has a very idealized view of a lot of things and people. He’s trying to see everyone in the best light, but he also holds a high standard for himself - that he must be the ideal, shining and caring hero and a beacon of perfection . Shadow Milk is likely to pick that image apart - probably not in the kindest way, saying that in trying to be perfectly selfless, PV is putting himself on the pedestal above everyone else while still being just a single cookie with limited capabilities. He’d likely call this image egoistical, and while PV would argue that he’s doing it for the good of others (he is helping after all, right?), Shadow Milk wouldn’t be entirely wrong - this way of thinking, that he’s the one who must take care of everyone else, is harmful for both him and the ones he’s trying to protect.

Shadow Milk would show him that truth is relative, that “pure truth” doesn’t exist, for anyone could interpret it differently. That PV isn’t (and doesn't have to be) the perfect blameless hero. That his people aren’t as good or pure as he’d like to give them credit for, but neither are they helpless.

Shadow Milk metaphorically and literally helps him open his eyes - he slowly learns to lay back, to accept the reality and “truth”, whatever it may be, and is no longer blinding and burning himself out by trying to help everyone at once. With a new mindset and outlook of the world, he can allow himself to retire, and leave a calmer, out-of-the-spotlight life.

Retirement

Ok, controversial idea, but I think the ancients will have to one day retire and pass down their SoulJams. Yes, I played Cookie Odyssey, I know how important it is to them, but hear me out. As I said above (which is shown in the game btw, but correct me if I'm wrong), they were just normal cookies before taking on the roles of the Ancient Heros. Cookies with high achievements, yes, but still. They aren’t The Beasts, baked specifically for the purpose of handling the Soul Jams, and even then, The Beasts weren’t perfect. I’m not saying they’re bound to get corrupted like their predecessors did, but I am saying that this role is bound to take a toll on them. Not even just from the perspective of power, even just handling so many responsibilities with running their kingdoms is going to be extremely draining mentally. (Physically likely too, even if they’re said to stay “always young” thanks to the Soul Jams - many stories teach that you can’t mess with nature and that nothing lasts forever...)

I don’t know who they’d pass the Soul Jams along too - whether that’d be Gingerbrave and his friends, or a new batch of heroes, that is to be decided. The point is, they have served their purpose, they have (from the perspective of this AU) defeated Dark Enchantress, and deserve to now leave the rest of their lives in peace.

SHADOW MILK'S DESIGN

“mellowed out” a bit - continues to be eccentric and dramatic, but less manic

still unsettling - most level-headed cookies upon meeting him immediately get a feeling that there's something.. off about him, even if they can't put their finger on it. (I purposefully left some of his corrupted design elements or callbacks to them, like the marking over his eye, for that reason)

vibrant, colorful, very extra in both behavior and looks, everything he does he does with drama and flourish

quiets down when out of the eyes of the public, or alone with Pure Vanilla

peacock elements - fitting for someone with such a vibrant personality. also the eye connection is perfect - if you look closely at the feather he's wearing, you might even notice a familiar symbol in its “eye”

a playful bard - (elaborated heavily bellow) - an identity allows him to enjoy his favorite activities, while also being a slight callback to his academic past

SM STORY BITS

The bard

While spending more time with Pure Vanilla, PV encouraged him to pursue his creative interests. Partly to have smth to get SM’s mind off of causing chaos, and partly because they let him indulge and express himself without causing any serious damage. Now he’s joined PV in retirement, though still not fully stepping down from the stage.

Being a bard allows Shadow Milk to indulge in everything he likes most: being the center of attention, dramatics, theatrics, mischief, a tasteful dose of lies and half-truths, but also, in a way, calling back to his past self: for while a lot of his stories are made-up tales, he can also share the history of Earthbread that he’s witnessed. Yes, he may do so through over-dramatic performances or behind caricatural characters, but every tale holds a grain of truth, does it not? Whether his audience chooses to believe him or not is their choice to make.

Referencing the fact that a big part of human history survived through word of mouth, and how storytellers play an important role in preserving it, I think it’s only fitting to make him a bard.

About visual choices

I made his redeemed design less chaotic and asymmetrical, but still vibrant and based mostly on his current color palette, rather than the one from Blueberry Academy. That's because while he may be rediscovering his interests from the past, he’s not the person he was before corruption and never will be again. Instead, he too is learning to rediscover the world in a new light, with a new identity.

Visually I’ve tried to keep some elements from his current design, if slightly toned down: a wide collar, puffy sleeves, a flowy cape. Elements of his corruption are also still there: different colored sclera (= his one eye being black), the sharp teeth. He may have settled down and calmed down slightly, but he remains as playful as ever :))

He still causes local chaos once in a while or resorts to pranking unsuspecting cookies nearby (the slight charring at the bottom of PV’s robe is a result of one of such pranks getting out of hand), and PV has accepted that he'll never be a calm, put-together cookie he once might have been. However, SM's learned to not be a danger to others for the sake of the one he cares about the most, and that's enough for the both of them.

And that's all for now! If you've managed to get this far, thank you SO much for your patience, I hope you've enjoyed my thoughts and brainworms <3

#funny how this turned into an essay on accident #shadowvanilla #pureshadow #vanilla milkshake #shadow milk #shadow milk cookie #shadow milk cookie run kingdom #shadow milk crk #pure vanilla #pure vanilla cookie #pure vanilla crk #shadow milk au #cookie run au #blorbo-time #False-Truth AU

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midnighttrain-project · 9 months

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Hello everyone!

First off, I would like to thank all of you for your continued support! I usually publish short updates on my personal Twitter (or should I say X now?), but I thought it would also be fun to make long posts sharing my experiences and thoughts about the development of the game.

So, I decided to start a new series of articles talking about random things about the development of the game, like some kind of journal! I don’t use Tumblr lately, since I reach more people with Twitter, but Tumblr is perfect for long posts like this!

I hope you will enjoy this content!

🌙🚂 Let’s start with a recap! 🚂🌙

I’m currently working on a remake of my second game, Midnight Train. The remake is titled Midnight Train: New Moon, and is being developed using RPG Maker MV.

Originally, I only intended to add new content to the original game, like new endings and an epilogue, but I ended up changing the engine and remaking everything from scratch. Thanks to all the feedback I received from the original release, I'm currently working hard to make the game more enjoyable for everyone!

Since it's a remake, it has a lot of new features that weren't present in the original: new graphics, alternate endings, improved gameplay, partial voice acting, many new cutscenes and events… and much more! But let’s talk about the new features in more detail in another post~

🌙🚂 Progress 🚂🌙

Since this is the first blog in this series, I think I should talk about one of the things most people are curious about! “How’s the progress of the remake”?

Before answering that question, I'll explain how I divide the work. Basically, I focus on each chapter in linear order. These would be the main steps:

◆First step: Working on the artwork ◆Second step: Mapping in Photoshop ◆Third step: Eventing all the maps in RPG Maker and testing ◆Final step: English translation

After I finish all these steps, I start working on the next chapter, using the same steps!

Creating the maps is the most time consuming step because I also design and plan new mechanics, puzzles and new cutscenes, so it takes me a lot of time to finish them. Thankfully, once the maps are finished, I'm quite fast with the eventing, since everything is already planned!

Well…! Let’s answer the question now! “How’s the progress of the remake”?

I’m currently working on the maps of Chapter 2, which means Chapter 1 is fully completed, including the english translation! I’m almost finished with the maps of Chapter 2, so I hope I can start eventing soon ~

🌙🚂 Expected release 🚂🌙

This is one of the questions I usually receive, so I also wanted to talk about it: “When will the game be released?”

The answer is… I don’t know!

I’m working really hard, but it’s impossible to predict when I will finish all the work. For now, I can only offer updates about the development!

Which leads to another question: “Why is it taking so long to develop the remake? Shouldn’t it be faster than developing the original game?”

Honestly, that's what I also thought! But the reality is that the remake is taking twice the amount of effort that required the original. Or even more. Why does it require more effort? I think it will be easier to understand with this picture:

This is the comparison between two maps. Even though they look quite different, it’s actually meant to be the same map in-game. This map is basically a hallway that connects two maps, the purpose has not changed, but the map itself is different.

In the remake, I’m trying to create maps that are more interesting to explore, while trying to retain the charm and purpose of the original. This means I also added new events for the new environments, including new puzzles! There are a lot of new things to discover, and you can also learn new things about the characters.

However, the main inconvenience is that I can’t reuse anything from the old version. I must create everything from scratch, including:

◆Creating new dialogues when you interact with the new elements. ◆Adding new visual effects. ◆Creating new events that match the aesthetic of each map. ◆Adding new sound effects (voice acting and terrain sounds) ◆Adjusting old cutscenes to the new environment. ◆Creating new puzzles, depending on the map. ◆And more! The list is long!

So, in the end, working on this remake is like working on a new game. A more detailed, polished and professional new game.

🌙🚂 About the developer 🚂🌙

I usually don’t post much about myself, since I’m quite shy! But I also wanted to talk about myself a bit more~

As you may already know, I’m Lydia, the creator of Aria’s Story and Midnight Train! I’m often told by my friends that it’s weird to use your real name on the internet, but I like using my name haha

I also use the name LydiaBluebell on social media. Why Bluebell? Because it’s a flower that means humility, constancy, gratitude and everlasting love, which I think summarizes perfectly my journey with game development 💙 Thanks to everyone that supports me, you have my gratitude and everlasting love!

🌙🚂 Final thoughts 🚂🌙

Oh…! I think I already wrote too much in this post! If you’re still reading this, thank you! I hope it wasn’t too boring…! Next time, I’d like to talk about more specific things!

If you’re curious about anything in particular about my creative process, don’t hesitate to ask a question and I’ll try to cover it in the next post!

See you all next time!

#midnight train game #midnight train new moon #development blog

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ozwriterchick · 1 year

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No more...

Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes; Fem Reader; Sam Wilson

Content warning: miscommunication; leaving a relationship; talk of pregnancy; implied sexy time; If I've missed anything let me know

Summary: Bucky promises no more missions

WC: approx 2890 words

Dividers/Graphics by @firefly-in-darkness

Masterlist

Pulling up outside the home you share with your boyfriend, you are immensely glad that it’s Friday afternoon and that you have a whole weekend to share with him.

It’s been a week from hell at work - as a teacher, you don’t get many of those but this week there’s been multiple teachers out with the flu and a severe lack of emergency teachers, so each of you have had to combine your classes with at least 1 other, making for the normal student-teacher ratios to be blown out so bad that you think tonight you’ll need a bottle of wine, instead of just a glass, to relax.

You unlock the front door, put your coat in the coat closet, toe-off your shoes and put your bag on the hall table. You’ll go through the papers you have to grade after dinner.

“Bucky, I’m home. Where are you?”

You hear his voice from upstairs “Here my love.”

Trudging up the stairs you poke your head into your bedroom but he’s not there “Buck?”

“Mouse, I’m in here.” You giggle at the nickname he gave you early in your friendship, before you got together. He said it was because you squeaked like a little mouse when you got excited. Then you got together and he heard what you sounded like when you got really excited and you were nothing like a mouse. But the name stuck, and it made you happy each time you heard it.

Walking into the spare room, you see his tactical gear laid out on the bed and his duffle bag half packed.

“Mission?” You asked angrily.

“Yeah, Sam called me earlier and said they needed my expertise on this one.”

“James, we agreed that you were done with missions.”

“I know, but this is a serious one Mouse. We might be able to finally take down Hydra for good. I can’t sit out on this one, not after everything they did to me for all of those years.”

He walked over and cupped your face with his large hands. “I promise, this will be the last one.”

“I don’t like this but I kind of understand. But this has to be the last one, James. I’m not kidding, I want to start a family with you and I can’t do that if I’m constantly worried that you’re not coming home.”

‘Of course my love, the last one. No more after this.”

With a heavy sigh you ask “So, when do you leave?”

“First thing in the morning. Sam’s picking me up at 0600.”

“Then come to bed with me, you can finish that packing later, or in the morning.”

“Ok, let’s go.”

The next morning

You open your eyes and it’s still dark. The bed beside you is empty but not yet fully cold, so you know your soldier only got out of the bed in the last 10-15 minutes. He would not dare have left without saying goodbye, so you glance at the clock on the bedside table to reveal it’s approx 5.45am.

Listening carefully you can hear him moving about downstairs so you figure he did a quick finish of packing and moved downstairs so as not to disturb you.

His heavy footsteps sounded on the stairs and you knew he was fully dressed in his tactical gear, including the big boots he wore.

He poked his head in the door and you smiled “Morning Soldier”

“Ugh” he groaned “Don’t start something I can’t finish. Sam will be here in around 10 minutes.”

‘I know, I just wanted you to have something to remember to make you hurry home safely. I promise, when you get home, we will finish that. For now, come lay down so we can snuggle for a bit.”

He jumped on the bed beside you and took you in his arms, pressing loving kisses all over your face and neck.

Your arms wound around his neck and you squeezed as tight as you could, knowing that however long this mission took, these hugs and kisses would have to tide you over until his return. The churning in your stomach at the danger he was about to face was ever present and would not cease until he was safe in your arms once again.

In what seemed like mere seconds, you heard the quiet rap on the door that signalled Sam was here.

“Don’t go” you whispered to him “Please?”

“I have to love, but I’ll be home before you know it.”

He planted one last kiss on your forehead and stood up. You clung to him like a koala and he just chuckled. “Mouse, if you don’t let go, I’ll open the door and Sam will see all of this.”

You giggled and reluctantly let go, pulling your robe on and tying it tightly over your naked body.

Grabbing his hand and intertwining your fingers with his, you walked down the stairs with him and stood silently as he opened the front door and greeted Sam.

“Hey lovebirds” Sam said. “Sorry to steal this one away from you, I’ll have him back safe and sound as soon as possible. Let’s go Buck, wheels up in 45 mins”. He walked back to his car and got in ready to go.

Bucky leant his forehead against yours, both of you with your eyes closed, soaking in these last moments together for a while. “I’ll let you know what’s happening when I can. I’m going to miss you my little Mouse. I love you, stay safe for me and when I get home, we’ll get started on that family of ours.”

Tears in your eyes, all you could do was nod and press your lips against his. You feel like you’re being overly dramatic like he’s never coming home but there’s always that possibility so you have to prepare just in case.

“So long my love, not goodbye. Until we see each other again” you pushed him out the door towards Sam and whatever might happen in the next days or weeks.”

Over the next 10 days, you heard from Bucky twice. They had to go dark most of the time due to it being Hydra and how easy they always seemed to be able to ascertain what the Avengers were doing, where they were and their plans.

Tony was sure they had a mole on the inside, so this mission was down to only the people who needed to know so in reality it was just Tony, Steve, Sam that knew where they were going and what the plan was beforehand. Once Sam and Bucky were alone on the Jet, Sam was able to let Bucky know the details.

The last time you heard from him was 4 days ago. They’d located the Hydra base and were planning their attack. That was all he could tell you, apart from the fact that he had some cuts and bruises but was otherwise healthy. He also told you that he’d wouldn’t be able to call you again until they were on the way home, so you weren’t sure exactly when that would be.

The Thursday following, about 12 days after they left, you got a text message from Sam.

Your mind was racing about what injuries he had, however you managed to calm yourself down, take the rest of your classes that day and head straight to the compound from there. You’d let your boss know and that you wouldn’t be in tomorrow so they could organise a substitute teacher for your classes.

At the compound

Sam was out the front waiting for you when you arrived. You stopped the car and just left it where it was and ran up to him. He gave you a big hug and looked you in the eyes.

“It’s not serious, ok. I know you didn’t believe me earlier, but he is ok.”

“Then why is he in the medical wing Sam?”

“Well, he broke his arm, so they had to set it to make sure it healed properly. The last X-ray they did showed it’s almost all healed.”

“Why couldn’t you just say that Sam, I’ve been stressing all afternoon.”

“Well I told you he was ok but yeah, next time I’ll..”

“There isn’t going to be a next time Sam.”

Sam gave you a quizzical look and said “Ok, go see your boy, you know where to go yeah?” You nodded. “Give me your keys, I’ll park your car for you and see you up there.”

You threw your keys at Sam as you ran towards the elevators, heading to the 10th floor, which was the medical wing.

Bruce saw you as you burst through the doors and he pointed towards the room that Buck was in, with a grin on his face.

Pushing the door open, you hesitated, he appeared to be asleep, with a cast on his right arm. You just stood and watched him for what seemed like forever, then you heard him say “Don't just stand there mouse, come give me some sugar.”

Laughing, you skipped over to the bed and climbed up to lay next to him. He turned his head and kissed you before opening his eyes and looking into yours.

“No more Mouse..”

Time jump.. 3 months later..

The last 3 months since Bucky came home from his last mission had been bliss. Work had evened out, with the warmer weather there weren’t as many absences from illness and the end of the school year was approaching.

Bucky’s arm had healed nicely and in record time. You moved into a larger place and had plans for going away on a vacation for about 3 weeks during the summer holidays to Florida. The plan was to relax, spend time together, hit the beach and spend a few days at Disney because neither of you had been there before. You’d also been working hard at starting the family that you both wanted so badly.

A few days after school finished for the year, you had been out doing some grocery shopping, and buying some new things for the Florida vacation. On your return home, you heard Bucky speaking in a low voice in the sun room out the back of the house.

You put the groceries on the kitchen bench and headed out to see who he was talking to. He was on the phone and as soon as he saw you, he stopped talking and you heard him say “Mouse is home, I’ll call you back later”

“Hey babe, who was that?”

“I missed you mouse, that was Sam.”

“Oh, what did he want?”

“He wanted to talk to me about a mission.”

“No.”

“Now just listen before you say a flat out no, ok?”

“No Bucky, we agreed, even when you got back from the last mission the first thing you said was no more. “

“I know, but you know how we didn’t eradicate Hydra on the last mission like we’d hoped, this time we can do it. The plan is solid, they have no idea we’re coming.”

“Wait, you’ve already said yes to this haven’t you?”

“Well, yeah, I thought you’d be ok with it. We can rid the world of Hydra, mouse. I have to go.”

“That’s what you said last time Buck and look where we are now? I can’t keep doing this. I love you, but I’ve already told you, I can’t have a family with someone who keeps putting himself and our family in danger like this. I know I knew this about you when we got together but I thought we were on the same page about this?”

“We are but..”

“See, Buck, if we are on the same page, there’s no but to it. Look, I can’t force you not to go, you know how I feel about this, you need to make your decision about what you want, what is most important to you”

With that, you turned away from him and walked slowly away, up the stairs, shutting the bedroom door behind you.

Later that night

Bucky opened the bedroom door, having given you plenty of space. He lay down on the bed beside you, pulling you tight to his chest and then pushing his finger under your chin to lift your face to his.

“Mouse, don’t cry. I love you, you know I do, but I feel like I have to do this. I have to help rid the world of this menace that is Hydra.”

“I know Buck, but you agreed to this without even talking to me, without even considering my thoughts or feelings. No thought to the fact that we’d agreed, or I thought we had, that you were not doing this any more.”

“I did consider all of that, don’t you want our kids to come into a world without Hydra?”

“But where does it end Buck. When is it enough. What if you don’t get rid of Hydra, like last time? What if another organisation pops up that’s just as bad or worse? It’s hard enough for me to say goodbye to you each time you go on a mission and have a lump in my throat until I hear from you or you’re home safe. I am not putting my child through that feeling too.”

“I know Mouse, but I feel like it’s my responsibility.”

“So you’ve made up your mind?”

“Yeah I have. Don’t be sad Mouse. It will be ok.”

“When do you leave then?”

“Tomorrow night but I have to go to the compound for briefings about lunchtime tomorrow.”

Bucky stroked your head and back as you burst into tears and sobbed until you felt like you had no tears left.

He’d made up his mind to go and so had you. Maybe he knew deep down but you were determined that these hours would not be sad, that you’d both have these memories to survive on.

Reaching your face up to his you kissed him. The two of you spent the whole night making love and holding each other, until you had no more energy left and you fell asleep in his arms.

The next morning, you woke up to an empty bed. You went downstairs and found him in the sunroom with a cup of coffee.

“Shouldn’t you be leaving soon?”

“Yeah, I’m heading out once I’ve finished this cup of coffee. Sit with me please?”

Sitting next to him on the couch, you didn’t know what to do with yourself. You were sure he could feel the tension in your body, but he didn’t say anything.

Walking him to the door when Sam pulled into the driveway, he leant in to give you a hug and one final kiss before he left. “So long my love, I love you so much, I’ll see you when I get home.”

Tears in your eyes you kissed him back, saying “Goodbye Buck, come home safe”

He walked towards Sam’s car and yo shut the door before he saw the tears cascading down your cheeks, and you headed to the bedroom.

Over the next 2 weeks Bucky tried to contact you multiple times. He wasn’t stressed when his first messages went unanswered, but the longer it went in time, the more concerned he became.

The mission was a success in that they finally got rid of Hydra once and for all. He was excited that he didn’t have to worry about them any more, but his stomach was churning on his way home because he still had not heard from you.

Opening the front door, the house felt eerily still and quiet. He yelled for you and ran around the house searching but couldn’t find you.

His last stop was the sunroom at the back. The room you had shared a coffee with him in, the morning he left for this mission.

You weren’t there, but he noticed an envelope on the coffee table, with his name in your writing. He felt his stomach lurch, hoping you had just left him a note saying that you were at the shops and would be back soon, but deep down he knew what the letter would say.

He pulled the letter out, not noticing another piece of paper float out to the floor when he opened it.

James, By the time you’re reading this, I’ll be far away. This was not an easy decision for me to make, particularly now, but it was a necessary one.

That last night, I wanted to ask you if there was anything I could say that would change your mind? It’s because I had something to tell you but I wanted you to stay because you wanted to, because you chose us and our future life and family.

Please don’t try and find me, live your life your way, I don’t want to hold you back from anything you want to do. I hope you find what you are looking for.

I love you more than life itself and I always will. Love, Mouse

Bucky hung his head, tears falling to the floor. It was at that point that he noticed the additional piece of paper that had fallen out of the letter. He picked it up, turned it over and the tears flowed even harder.

Taglist:@cjand10@angstysebfan @psychictazzy76@lovely-geek @samanthaneedsanap @kentokaze @iheartsebastianstanstuff @yourmumsluke @void-imaginations

#James “Bucky” Barnes #OFC!Fem!Reader #Talk of Pregnancy #Angst #ozwriterchick #avengers #miscommunication

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nikethestatue · 2 months

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Why do you think the fandom has become so divided? I mean I’m it it for elriel but if elucian happened I wouldn’t be devastated or anything and I’d still read the book. I don’t get how all this name calling, lack of reading comprehension my ship is better because of x y z even came about? Was it around before the 3rd ship entered the race or do you think it has more to do with the amount of time people have had to get so fully invested in a ship theyve lost all sense of civility. The thing with reading comprehension when it comes to yet to be written narratives is that it’s somewhat retrospective. Meaning if it turns out you were right u comprehended the txt correctly but if your wrong you didn’t. But this isn’t black and white because an author can drop storyline’s, change original storyline’s, retcon already canon events, have continuity errors etc and you interpreted it right but the author decided to take the storyline away from the original plan. But at present as far as I can tell the only things we know for certain because it was stated in actual canon is A) that elain and Lucian have a mate bond (wether this turns out to be a true mate bond or the work of a corrupt cauldron or something is yet to be determined) B) that elain is uncomfortable around lucian and isn’t open to the bond at present (altho obviously this could change if sjm wants to write that story) C) elains and azriels characters have a lot of interactions and there on page storyline’s are entwined with each other (he’s protective of her, her seeks her out, he didn’t hesitate to rescue her, truth teller all the stuff that came up in the bonus chapter etc etc etc) and this means something and D) Elain and Azriel are indeed attracted to each, but it was not stated in canon that he only thinks of her sexually, contrary to what some people say, there wasn’t enough on page information to make concrete claims like that (wether any of this will go on to mean something more is also yet to be determined) That’s why theories and txt analysis is suppose to be fun but it also needs to lean into canon, which is completely different than a headcanon which brings me to Gwynriel. There is absolutely and I can’t state this enough no canon evidence of gwynriel (wether they go on to be a canon couple once again is yet to be determined) but at the moment all “evidence” of this ship is based of of individual interpretation that has no actual canon backing. Thinking 2 people would be better together doesn’t make something canon, so this ship to me is a crack ship. I will say I think part of the reason the gwynriel ship is so present in social media is because the elucians decided to support that ship because it suited their narrative not because they actually think or care if they become a couple or not so it’s like 2 ships against one. If you took all the eluciens out of the equation I think the gwynriel ship fandom would be a lot smaller.

I think ACOSF happened.

It was a divisive book, needlessly so. It pitted the IC against Nesta and then Nesta with her 'found family' formed almost this separate narrative and a separate unit of girlbosses. And instead of unity, you have division in the fandom. Half of the fandom are older, Feysand-centric readers and then the rest are newer, Nesta-centric readers, who can pin all their hopes and dreams on Gwyn, who is single, straight, pretty and spunky. She is not some vision-seeing weirdo who likes flowers and cream buns. No! Gwyn is your generic, uncomplicated, easily digestible Miss Awesome. Nesta is mated and odd and too tormented, while Emerie would've been okayish, but now she seems to be no longer straight and she's got those ungainly clipped wings. (Let's not kid ourselves, there is plenty of misogyny and racism in this fandom). SO that leaves Gwyn and the last available batboy, who also had a monster cock apparently, the ubiquitous shadows and who is handsome and mysterious.

The relationship between the sisters isnt really resolved at the end of the book. It's fashionable to hate Elain even harder, because she was 'mean to Nesta' and because she is 'mean to Lucien'. So obviously such a revolting character cannot be paired with the handsome Azriel. But who can? Gwyn! Uncomplicated Gwyn, whom you are not allowed to critique in any fashion because .... SA!

And from there on, I think it just grew and grew.

Yes, there is no basis for the Gwynriel ship. But you dont need a basis, you just need access to others via social media, do a lot of posturing as an 'expert', highlight some random passages from the books, creating vague connections. and BOOM! you got a ship. And yes, the viciousness came with Gwynriels, who began acting like they were experts themselves and who descended on anyone who argued like a swarm of bees. They hounded numerous artists off platforms, others refused to even entertain the idea of painting Elriel art, they attacked people on every platform, they doxxed, they berated and insulted. 2021 was a crazy year.

Now they are all gone because they don't give a shit anymore. Other things came about that are more interesting.

The newer Gwynriels arent as psychotic or nasty. They'll argue, which is their right, but like they won't set your grandma on fire over Gwynriel. First Gen Gwynriels were something else. But so many people left the fandom in 21-22 because of the negativity, older fans, who were not into all of this.

There were a ton of Elriels, I remember, in 21-22 on here. Now, there is like me. And a few others, newer ones. From the OG group, there might be 10 left? Sad really, but it is what it is.

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fernacular · 1 year

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Ramblings about gender bias in fiction under the cut. I am literally just word vomiting a vague line of thinking I haven’t fully teased apart so be kind and assume good faith please and thank.

I think a lot of girls/women find a lot of catharsis in stories where a girl/woman protagonist fights against and, importantly, overcomes misogyny in her pursuit of a higher goal. And I'm 100% not knocking it, I get the appeal, absolutely.

But what I’ve always found much more comforting is stories where sexism just straight up doesn’t exist, and women don’t have to fight for respect, it’s just given as a matter of course. There are no sexist insults, no gendered clothing, absolutely equal representation in all occupations, etc. I like imagining worlds where I don’t have to fight against anything, a seat at the table is already pulled out for people like me. Unfortunately these kinds of stories are actually pretty hard to come by. I mean there are plenty of stories that CLAIM there is no bias between sexes but it quickly becomes apparent that the author(s) didn’t really do the work to imagine what a society without gender bias would actually look like, so there’s still discrepancies in jobs, positions of power, primary caregivers of children, still a very binary understanding of gender, etc. (coughbiowarecough)

But sometimes I think another obstacle to finding fiction like that isn’t just the unconscious biases the author brings in, but the unconscious biases the reader brings in too. Namely that with female characters there’s an assumption of innocence and with male characters there’s an assumption of guilt. It’s unfortunately an attitude found on seemingly both sides of the feminism divide, albeit in slightly different flavors if you will. The Misogyny Classic(tm) has it that women are pure innocent creatures until society turns them to wickedness at which point they become victimonsters and men are inherently more violent and cruel so you can’t really blame them for it but also they alone hold the moral fiber to fight those urges and therefore must always be in control of everything. Some modern sects of feminism go so far in the other direction they circle around to the same spot, where women are pure creatures of light who should be allowed to do absolutely anything, even if it’s objectively monstrous, because it’s always society pushing them to it against their better pure innocent natures. Meanwhile men are vile monsters inherently and (and here’s the key difference) they lack the moral fiber to fight against that and as such should be shipped off to an island somewhere. Same song different lyrics. And I don’t really want to get into a discussion on the validity of all that in the realm of reality, but it is disheartening to find in escapist fiction where we’re supposedly past all that. I don’t want to read a story where a man and a woman can do the same action and one is presented as more sinister than the other, whichever one that happens to be. That provides no catharsis for me. I want stories where there is genuinely an equality of morality and perception amongst genders. And I would like to stress I don’t want a story sans conflict, that’s preposterous, I love that drama gimme that dramaaaaa. But I don’t want it gendered. I’m tired of that, I get enough of it in real life.

#ramblings

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tutyayilmazz · 2 years

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...their world contains some basic binaries: new-old, Italian-English, public-private. Which leads me back to that person-persona divide. For David, the two coexist: “I think it gets back to the [idea that] two different things can live at the same moment and be equally real in the same way. I feel like I’m completely a different person onstage and offstage, but I don’t feel like I am faking anything in either situation. It’s just a part of me that comes out. When I’m offstage I’m very introverted, and onstage I’m crazy. It’s just two parts of me that are equally true and real. It’s just the context that changes.”

De Angelis’s reaction is the opposite of David’s: “I feel it’s always me, but [onstage] that’s the moment where I feel like I can express myself fully and just be free of any inhibitions and just enjoy the moment. Sometimes we play in front of 60,000 people, and you think of when you played the exact same song on the streets. It’s crazy to see the whole journey, and only we know all the things we’ve been through, so it’s something very emotional, and in that moment it really makes sense.”

Torchio’s response is more measured. “I’ve been thinking about that a lot, actually, and I don’t have an answer yet,” he explains. “But probably it’s not about who or what I am onstage or offstage. It’s more about living in the moment, and lately I’m trying to live the present. Of course it’s always me onstage. I think that the clue is living in the moment.”

For his part, Raggi is mad for performing live. “I think that is one of the most true things that you can [experience], especially for an artist,” he says. “You can feel free onstage, and it’s something special because you have no filter with your crowd. Basically it’s a direct connection, so it’s something crazy. For me, it’s the best thing. I will stay forever onstage.”

And perhaps he will; as David victoriously announced at Eurovision: “Rock and roll never dies.”

#måneskin #maneskin #i love hearing their perspectives

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porzellanwolf · 1 year

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When you are both dog with a purpose and a human with a purpose

I have a need of service and I sometimes think if my human brain affects my dog brain or the other way. Am I a k9 because of my human upbringing and characteristics or am I human with a need to serve and protect because I’m a dog trained my whole life for just that?

I had my ups and downs with both police and military jobs but due to my psychological and physical reasons there’s a very low chance I could actually work in those fields as well as the fact that I was born a woman and I am fem presenting, this affects your position and what kind of job you can be doing in military (especially in my home country). So yeah I guess in this life work in this field is not meant for me.

The urge is still here, so now when I’m surrounded by military personnel, I have a chance to get training and experience as a civilian (of course not full military training but at least a little pieces of it) I’m really happy with it, as well as befriending soldiers was beneficial too.

But in the end this is still not what I need, I was meant to protect, guard, search and attack not sit in the office and get scraps of the life I want? Need? I don’t have a jaw full of sharp teeth, nose meant for hunting, body meant for running on all fours. Sometimes it hits me. That I don’t have to body of a dog read for service and even my human physique has limitations out of my control that make it harder for me too. My dog brain tells me I’m supposed to be with my handler, protecting them and being ready for every command but I’m a human with traits meant for an office work.

That’s the second part of myself. My humanity, I have traits and skills that of a psychological working person, someone who only needs their brain for the job, a mind of an analytic not a trained attack dog. I have a different purpose in my human life and I know it, I know I will never have the dog life of service.

Both of those parts of my identity work together affecting my decisions about self. I’m content with service by using my brain not my body, I have a human path I’m ready to follow but there r days when I dream of what it would be like to fully b a dog as well there r some nights when I sit on military sites contemplating signing up but in the end I know my assets will b of better use in different fields. Right now all I can do is b content with the scraps I get and the military stories of my friends.

The dog nature is still there in my personal life too.

I’m the guard, the protector, always alert and ready to fight for my close ones.

But also I’m just a happy doggo who’s content when they r helpful, wanting a praise for a job well done. Cause that’s part of the k9 life too, the happiness you get from service. Not even mentioning that I can be affectionate the same ways dogs are but that’s rather obvious I think.

In conclusion, I don’t know which part is affecting which or if they are actually one just divided into human and dog needs. Most days I’m happy with my human skills and characteristics but there are days I would give anything to be a military working dog. That part affects me strongly in my day to day life (which I will try to talk more about in the future) but I understand that right now I’m in human body with partially human brain that has to function in the society.

#therian #otherkith #otherkin #alterhuman #nonhuman #dogkin

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pcbug2003 · 1 year

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creative final project: create an alter ego

Alter ego

Name: Cruz

Cruz personality traits:

Quiet confidence

Plans ahead of time, morning person

Direct honest speaker, first to speak up

Confrontational instead of holding grudges

Does not say “like” as a filler word

Always sits up straight

Acts on boundaries

Wears silver

Wears black and red

Make a cruz playlist:

It’s my life- talk talk

Background

Cruz is a very respectable and channels their energy and drive into their field

Cruz is the side of me that I usually suppress because I’m scared people will be intimidated by me. Sometimes I make myself small or try to be a people pleaser, but I am not fulfilled when I make myself smaller. Cruz will encourage me to be more ambitious. Right now, my goal is to find a job or another source of income. Being Cruz will stop me from being ashamed to put myself out there and instead I’ll be able to trust that I know what I’m doing and nothing else can get in my way. I already feel more confident in myself talking about this.

10/25/22

In class it is very rigid. The atmosphere feels cold because one half of the class has a clique and the other half has another clique. I’m not sure why this is. I believe that everyone has a strong personality and unique perspective, but it is almost as if only the guys have grouped together and only branch out to each other, leaving the other half. This is very common though because there is a film hierarchy already present. Up until very recently, the only people who have been directors or reflected the demographic were men. Film is still very hard to advance in. I know we are somewhere halfway through the semester. I want to work with people I haven’t worked with yet, so as cruz I will talk to everyone sitting around me or find a reason to talk to them.

11/2/22

We are doing a presentation project where we have to break down a 4 minute scene shot by shot, lighting, camera floor plans, color palette, exposure graph, etc. of each shot. It is a highly extensive project that I think I should have started earlier but it's not due for another 4 days. I'm working with my partner Lucy and I think we have a good chemistry working with each other because our workload is very neatly divided. I feel like I have a headache because I have been working on just color palettes for hours. We have 60 scenes. Thinking like Cruz, I decided that we should pick “Knives Out” as the movie. I remember our professor showed us a video about shot types and it was briefly mentioned for a few seconds, so I know it is critically acclaimed. It has been easier to find information about it because the director, Rian Johnson, is very detail oriented. Cruz is not scared, Cruz only faces their problems, so I’ve decided to fully embrace the amount of work with full force. I want the presentation to be so good that people or at least the professor will be impressed.

11/7/22

I was caught off guard because the presentations started for the slides today even though on Canvas the due date is also today. I went from calm and collected straight into a state of panic. Thankfully I didn’t have to present, but I never fully stopped working on the slides the whole class. I don’t know how I’m going to explain or expand on anything even though I have 95% of it done. I sat in the back of class and a guy even yelled at me for not paying attention to his presentation. As Cruz I reacted by not reacting. Many people looked awkwardly towards my way or nervously laughed, but I stayed typing. I am in no place to worry about the temper tantrums of others. I have greatness in mind. This is not a person I am a big fan of because they are rude to my professor and talk down to him. In the past they also talked down to me and said I was “lucky I met them” because they could “actually make me into something”. I was a bit smug to myself because they got a taste of their own medicine just by me being preoccupied with my own business. I will take it as a win that even though I am sitting in the back, I have started to rock the boat. Many people did a double take because I always sit in the front. I like that somehow my presence is still seen. I have also started to realize that many people in the class fake laugh and encourage him. Today I have not budged in order to show an apathetic stance.

11/9/22

Today we did not present again, but I have failed as Cruz. Although I did make small talk with the people around me by asking if they were presenting and what movie they chose. I found that the guy next to me was shocked by my asking but soon turned out to be very kind as I was nervous. Both because I was out of my comfort zone, but I could mask that with also being nervous for my presentation. Lucy and I spent hours practicing how we’re going to present. We said over and over that we loved the presentation and that it was now special to us. I started to learn more about the film as we broke it down and we were both excited. My roommate gave us tips on our presentation and I knew I wasn’t fully there so I wrote my notes on index cards and now I won’t have to worry about leaving things unsaid and getting frustrated. I want to have no regrets and prove that we are knowledgeable. But because we went deep into detail it goes over the time limit. Lucy said we could present last after we hesitated and lost our chance to go second.The idea of rushing made me incredibly anxious. All of a sudden I became really sad and I couldn’t help it and I also felt myself bringing down Lucy's mood. At one point I picked up my bookbag on my lap, hugging it for comfort and looked down. Lucy and the guy next to me looked like they felt bad. The next people that went were people I believe are the smartest people in the class. Theirs was so long it took up the whole class period. Not surprisingly, they were also excited to break their presentation down and talk about their favorite parts. This made me forget my sadness because I remembered it is about having passion!! We didn’t present so I was grateful, but right after class I emailed my professor to make sure that we could present first. I am not going to fail to plan again.

11/14/22

Lucy and I presented and we couldn't contain our excitement. For the first time our very strict teacher praised us. My job was to include a waveform and RGB color value. I noticed in the presentations that everyone had the most trouble with that so I had looked up a tutorial on how to pull it up on Davinci Resolve. I found that I could also include a Vectorscope and more advanced color space all at once. He said he was very happy to see that we mentioned it and stopped to show the class what we had done. I felt a rush of happiness and Lucy and I looked at each other excitedly. Update: we got an 100!! It feels nice to not just have that grade for myself but also for my partner. As Cruz I think we set out to impress people and we reset the standard.

11/16/22

In film class we received a review sheet for the final. I feel very intimidated because I feel like there is a lot of terminology and things that I have not fully grasped. Most of the time in class I will just sit there and pretend I understand the professor’s answer to my question even if I don’t. Today in class I brought flashcards with me. I had tried beforehand to re-read a few chapters of our textbook and find out which things might be on the test that I didn’t know. I only made a few cards. I was surprised to see that there are eighty terms on the review sheet. I was the only one with flashcards. It was hard to keep up back and forth because he was going really fast. I tried to ask a smart person in the class for help, but he seemed unsure of himself. As I sat next to him, I was surprised by his knowledge because he had the answer to almost everything, while I had the question for almost everything. I tried to ask my friends to form a study group, but to no avail.

11/24/22

It is Thanksgiving break and I have gone from making a quizlet to using real flashcards again. I remember when I was younger I memorized the whole periodic table and recited it in the shower, any chance I had. Practice definitely does make perfect. I am slacking though, I have been watching a new show and putting off studying. It is a bit hectic back home as well. I think Cruz came out naturally on Thanksgiving. My mom had been making side comments about how much food I put on my plate, saying that my dress would rip open. I stood up to her and said “Don’t talk to me like that!” she said it was just a joke and I said “You’re being mean, that’s not a joke when you keep bullying me”. I think behind every joke is a little truth. She had been complaining about her size and also comparing herself to how skinny I was. The hardest thing for me to do is to set boundaries, but it has to be done or I have only myself to blame for the way people treat me. Another woman who wasn’t my mother seemed to be bothered that I stood up for myself, but it is not my job to be uncomfortable to let others happily joke about me regardless of who it is. I do not think I am funny and anyone who has a problem with me respecting myself benefits from me being quiet and submissive so they don't have to focus on themselves. Again in the car, my mom and sister were talking down to my brother about something that wasn't correct. Usually I would hold my tongue, but I pointed out where they were wrong even if I was on their side. They tried to tell me I was wrong, but instead of second-guessing myself, I stated that I was very clear in what I meant to say and meant every word. My mom then surprisingly admitted that she felt bad for misunderstanding him.

11/26/22

Lately I have felt paranoid. People look at me in a way I don’t understand or maybe I am not used to. I have been wearing a very cool red and black hoodie which I think represents the part of me that is Cruz. I usually wear brighter and more gentle colors, but my curiosity has led me to become more bold. I have started to quickly see that those I have sought to be more like in my class are talented, but maybe lacking discipline. Being Cruz has shown me that people are not actually more sure of their path anymore than I am. I always followed other people because I thought that’s what I should do, so much so that I never realized I did it. As Cruz, I have become more separated from my classmates. I actually have become frustrated that some are not studying for the final exam. I have spent hours on my flashcards, rewritten everything on a blank paper from memory, then watched videos, and corrected information I had wrong. Everyone looks at me a bit dismissively. I am the only one who continues to take my flashcards out and It is weird to see that it bothers them. I would not expect that in college, especially if I mind my business. A girl was staring at me and I felt her from the corner of my eye. I looked straight at her and she never once looked over again. I feel as though I am too ambitious or becoming a try-hard, and then I remember I am in college because I want to learn. If I want something for myself it doesn’t make sense to follow or wait for the co-sign from my peers. I am staying humble to not make “enemies”. If I think I know it all, I know nothing.

11/28/22

Today I found myself very focused on what the professor was saying. We had a day to ask questions before the test and I asked a lot. Soon I feel people staring at me again. Each time it took me out of my state of concentration. I have done everything to fix my posture. The other day I ordered a seat cushion that supports my back and now I can spend a longer time studying. I feel a lot like the character Elle Woods from Legally blonde. Although I haven't smiled as much. I am very serious about my grade though. I know there are people out there who don’t want me to be able to learn. It’s a privilege to be in college. Maybe to others lately I look like a serious dark character, but I have entered into a place where I actually like to study. I want to get the highest grade out of everyone, even a 100 maybe on the final exam. I do not want to shy away. People keep questioning why I have so many flashcards. I listen to the playlist I made for Cruz and it helps me. I know what I’m capable of and that people won’t trust the process until they see for themselves. Having a chip on my shoulder has kept me consistent. My mom believes I should drop out of college, but I want to make use of my resources while I'm here.

11/30/22

I feel very upset because I got a few questions wrong on the final now that I realized. I don’t really want to even talk about it because I put so much work just to make careless mistakes despite how much I practiced. The bonus question I also got wrong. It was worth 10 points too.

12/5/22

My professor stated that someone did in fact receive a perfect 100 on the final. Everyone was asking him if the person was in the room, but it was confidential. I GOT THE 100 ON THE FINAL EXAM. I was expecting a 90, but I got all the points on the bonus question. I was conflicted because everything I worked for was suddenly feeling like I put a target on my back. Everyone immediately looked towards me with eyes of jealousy, so I tried not to smile to hide that I was happy. My professor said he was very proud of this person and then I became happy again. I could see that he noticed all my efforts and he was very excited and waiting to see my reaction. It feels very nice to have the last laugh after people dragged me for having 80 flashcards. I felt so happy that I started to weep (when all eyes were off me). It was nice to have people in the class admit that they did see how I worked hard even when they were upset by their grade. Some even asked me to compare my answers as an example. I am not intelligent but I try. I would say I am one step closer to building a reputation as a knowledgeable person in my field. I said I couldn’t believe my life and then it was like Cruz took over to correct me mid sentence and I said, actually I CAN believe it. Hard work will never betray you!!

12/11/22

After the test I had to remember to keep my grades up in my other classes rather than let this go to my head. I have always wanted to work at the FMA equipment office, so I put in a submission. I will hear an answer back tomorrow.

I created Cruz as an alter ego to become more assertive in my field. Film is very competitive with a lot of diverse personalities. I have always struggled because I am shy and my biggest problem is I do not ask for help. It has done more harm to me than good. My parents have always told me to speak up. It is a very aggressive field. I think I always have had “Cruz” in me, it was just covered. Although it has significantly helped, at some point I realized it was taking over unconsciously, not because I was pretending but because the minute I decided to believe in this version of me, I eventually could prove it to myself.

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writing-for-marvel · 2 years

Note

how about a steve rogers fic where the reader gives great christmas gifts for all the avengers and based them with each and every of their needs so she gave steve something that could remind him of peggy knowing that he still misses her deeply but then the reader gave bucky like *probably* a great hug for a gift since what bucky needs is affection. steve sees them and got a little jealous since what he really wants for christmas is the reader 🥺 prompt pick: “I love it...” “No, no you hate it.”

Hi my love, thank you for the request 💕 again, just a reminder these are meant to be drabbles, and not super long fics (I’m aiming for around 500-700 words - not strictly, but that’s what I’m going for)

Also this probably diverges from canon slightly in regards to the gift (I don’t actually remember what happens with this item), I’m hoping that doesn’t bother anyone too much

For my 500 follower + Holiday celebration

Steve Rogers + “I love it...” “No, no you hate it.”

Masterlist | Ask me anything! | Taglist

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Best Gift Ever

“Tony and I had to pull quite a few strings and cash in some favours to get this, so this one’s from both of us.” You handed the small, delicately wrapped present to Steve. This was the gift you were the most excited to give this festive season, knowing how much effort went into acquiring it for him.

He shot you a puzzled look as he started unwrapping it, gently slicing the sticky tape rather than ripping it open. His eyes went wide in utter shock as he realised what it was.

“How?” Was all he could manage to say looking down at the small compass in his hands, fully restored, the same newspaper cutting picture of Peggy still inside. He didn’t look as elated as you thought he might have, but you were putting that down to the shock of it all.

“It’s a long story. But we thought you’d like something to remind you of Peggy. And the compass is rightfully yours, we’re just returning it to its original owner.”

“Alright, that’s all the presents under the tree.” Nat concluded, standing quickly and rushing away as if she wanted to be anywhere else in the world. Some of the other Avengers started to disperse when Bucky walked up to you.

“Doll, not that you had to get me something, but I think you forgot about me.” Bucky asked timidly, a slight blush on his cheeks.

“I absolutely didn’t forget about you, Barnes. I thought long and hard about my gift to you, and I thought you might prefer these.” You said handing him a bunch of small, ticket sized cards. “They’re for free hugs. If you’re ever feeling down, even if you can’t talk about it, you can just redeem one of your free hugs and no matter when or where, I have to be there to give you the affection you need.”

“Aww, that’s so sweet.” Wanda cooed You looked back at Steve, who was still sitting on the couch next to Wanda, compass in hand, to find he was staring at you with a perplexed expression which he wasn’t doing well at concealing.

“Can I redeem one now?” Bucky asked hesitantly as he pulled one of the tickets from the bunch which you gladly accepted, taking your eyes off Steve to pull Bucky into a long bear hug. While hugging Bucky, you missed Steve’s expression turn to one of envy as he hastily stood and stalked off.

Later that day, as the snow started to coat the ground outside and the fireplaces in the facility roared to life, you found Steve sitting in one of the reading nooks, lost in thought.

“Do you like it?” You asked, sitting beside him, though he didn’t look up at you.

“I love it…” He said after a long, contemplating pause, rolling the compass in his large hands.

“No, no you hate it.” You countered in response to his uncertain tone and his untimely delay in speaking.

“I don’t hate it, doll. I really don’t. It was a lovely and thoughtful gesture. I’m just unsure why you thought I wanted something that reminded me of Peggy.” Your heart sank at his words, that was the premise of the entire gift.

“I know you miss her…” Or, at least, you thought he did.

“I did. But you see, there’s this other girl I’ve met since being in this modern world, who’s kind, considerate, ridiculously funny, unimaginably intelligent and would do anything for her friends.” He said as he softly bumped his shoulder into yours. “And I thought for Christmas I might actually, I don’t know, get to tell you how I feel.”

“Steve…” Your stomach contorting with nerves, cheeks heating as he finally brought his gaze to meet yours.

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same.” Your heart clenched at the despondent look flooding his eyes.

“I wouldn’t have spent hours tracking down and restoring that compass for you if I didn’t feel the same.” You smiled, bringing your hands up to cup his face and gently brush your lips onto his.

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andreafmn · 3 years

Text

Choices - Part 1

Word Count: 3,913

Requested: by me; inspired by a TikTok POV

Story Description: After the snap (Y/N) and Steve decided to shift their friendship into a romantic relationship. After the Battle of Earth, and Thanos’s ultimate defeat, Steve had to travel back in time to return the stones, but what (Y/N) doesn’t know is he’s not returning. The man leaves to his best friend the hard task to break the news to his lover. But what will happen if Steve returns in an unexpected manner?

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader

Part: 1/3

A/N: I just gotta say I only have spoiled knowledge of what happens in Endgame because I refuse to acknowledge its existence and I’ll never watch it. Anything I write that is not cannon, whoops. But this one-shot is inspired by a POV I stumbled upon in TikTok and I just needed to write. Had to divide it into two parts because it was getting too long.

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***

It had taken 6 years and losing almost everyone we loved for Steve and me to admit our feelings for each other. After seeing our closest friends dissipate into fine dust we decided life was too short to wait for the right time.

That was 5 years ago. Our relationship had been solidified as the years went on and the loss of Nat and Tony in the Battle of Earth only bringing us closer.

But something had changed. These past few days Steve had grown distant and quiet, only acknowledging me when we were in our bedroom or stuck in training. All I could attribute it to was that he was nervous about traveling to return the stones. Normally, he would talk to me about what was clouding his mind but nowadays he was acting as if we were strangers.

Thankfully, I had a friend to occupy my time with. Bucky and I had developed a close friendship since meeting him back when he still was the Winter Soldier. Being part of his recovery was the catalyst to the relationship we have today. Losing him in the blip was horribly heartbreaking but it brought me and Steve closer. Now that he was back, I was able to have someone I could confide in the understood the Captain’s brain.

“Hey, Buck,” I announced my arrival as I saw Bucky getting some water in the kitchen. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“Not really,” he sighed. “The nightmares, you know?”

He was right, I did know. Although I wasn’t blipped I had my own demons I was still battling with. “Yeah, I get it. I’m making grilled cheese, do you want some?”

“Grilled cheese? At 3 am?” He chuckled. “What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on, (Y/N). You only eat grilled cheese at this time when you’re worried about something.”

“You know me too well,” I sighed. “It’s Steve. He’s been really weird this past few days.”

“Weird how?”

“He’s been kinda avoiding me lately and I don’t know why.” A few tears were threatening to spill, but I did my best to dry them before they fell. “It’s like nothing I do is good enough, like he’d rather be anywhere but close to me. Does he hate me? Is it something I did?”

Bucky got up from the chair he was sat in and wrapped me in a hug. I couldn’t hold off the tears this time. “There’s nothing you could do that would make that man hate you, he’s probably just in his head about traveling in time.”

“I thought so, but why wouldn’t he talk to me about it. There’s not a single thing we haven’t been able to talk about up to ‘til now. What’s so important about this that he can’t talk to me about it.”

“Don’t stress yourself over this, doll. I’m sure after tomorrow everything would go back to how it was.”

Bucky’s POV

And at that time I did believe it. Knowing Steve I really thought he was just nervous about the journey he had to take in the morning. That was until he said he needed to talk with me.

“What is it, punk? You too nervous?” I chuckled until I saw the serious face he held.

“I need a favor from you, Buck, and you might not like it.”

“You’re scaring me, Steve. What’s wrong?” I couldn’t help but think that this had to do with why he was avoiding (Y/N).

“When I go back today, I’m not coming back in 5 seconds.”

“What are you talking about, Steve?”

“I’m going to stay back and have a life with Peggy. This is my last chance to be with her and I’m taking it,” he ran his hands through his face. He knew what he was asking of me and he knew it wasn’t fair. “I need you to tell (Y/N) for me once I’m gone. She’s gonna need someone to lean on and I need it to be you.”

��You can’t do that, Rogers. It’s not fair to me and it’s definitely not fair to her. (Y/N) loves you with her whole being. This is going to crush her.” He had been ignoring her out of guilt and he was leaving all these feelings behind in a couple of hours, leaving me to deal with the aftermath. “You know, she’s been beating herself over you avoiding her and I thought it was just nerves. But this is a new low; the Steve I know would never do this.”

“Bucky, I’m sorry. I just think it’ll go over quicker if it comes from you.”

“What you’re doing is cleaning your hands of a mess you’re making.” The anger was boiling inside of me by now. (Y/N) did not deserve this ending, she did not deserve to have her heart broken in such a cowardly way.

“Please, Bucky. I don’t think I could tell her face to face.” He took a paper out of his back pocket. “I wrote her this letter, hopefully, it’ll help things to smooth over. Please, Buck, please. You have to believe me when I tell you the last thing I want to do is hurt her.”

I snatched the letter from his hands and guarded it in my jacket pocket. “I’ll do it only because I owe you my life and she’ll need someone once I break her heart for you. But, I get it.”

“Thanks, bud. I know that for now, it must seem like a horrible thing to do but hopefully in time you’ll see my point of view.” I accepted the hug he offered. Although my head was telling me to be loyal to Steve, my heart was breaking at the thought of breaking (Y/N)’s.

Before I knew it, Sam, Bruce, (Y/N), Steve, and I were standing in front of the machine that would be the catalyst of inevitable heartbreak.

3rd person’s POV

“Well, this is it,” Steve whispered. They were standing to the right as Banner made sure everything was ready for Steve’s trip.

“You know, it’s not too late to back out,” (Y/N)’s hands traveled to his chest. “We can have someone else go.”

“It has to be me, (Y/N). But I’ll be back before you know it, doll.” His head lowered and left a deep kiss on her lips. They lingered for longer than usual, and she couldn’t help but imagine that there was an underlying message to it. “You know I love you, right? And I would never do anything to purposely hurt you, right?”

“Of course, Steve. I love you, too.” (Y/N) smiled and kissed him once more, allowing him to engulf her in a tight hug. “Be careful, okay? I can’t lose you too.”

“I will,” he smiled. “Now, I’ve gotta go.”

“I know, be safe.” She smiled once more as she watched Steve get on the machine. She made her way over to Bucky, his arm circling her shoulders. “It’s just 5 seconds, right?”

“Yup,” he smiled, ignoring the burning sensation coming from the paper inside his jacket. “Just five seconds.”

“Ready, Cap?” asked Bruce from behind the control panel. Steve nodded, one hand on Mjolnir and another on the case that held the Infinity Stones. “Alright, we’ll meet you back here, okay?”

“You bet,” he responded. Two of the people present knew that it was a lie, but no one else had picked up on it yet. His head was encircled by the helmet and he stared at the two people that meant the most to him in this lifetime. Hurting them was the hardest thing he had to do, but he had been living for everyone else for too long. He decided that it was time to do something for himself.

“Going quantum in 3, 2, 1,” Bruce announced. A breath hitched in (Y/N)’s throat as the time went down, all she had to do was brace herself for five seconds. Banner hit the button and (Y/N) had to blink various times to fully grasp the disappearance of the man she loved. He had vanished as quick as a thought, one second there and the next just a memory. “And returning in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1....”

Nothing. Bruce clicked the button and nothing happened. The body of Captain America was nowhere in sight.

“Bruce, what the hell is going on?” (Y/N) spoke up, but she wasn’t sure if her voice was heard. Her mind raced a million miles an hour and she could feel her legs giving out. Had it not been for Bucky’s left arm, she would have crashed to the floor. Bruce stammered with his words, not knowing what to say. “Bucky, where is he, Bucky? Where’s Steve?”

Bucky knew it would hurt to see her cry, but this was shattering his heart. Her body was falling limp in his arms and the tears were streaming out of her eyes faster than he could dry them. Her words were slurred but he understood the gist of it. She was hurt; she was betrayed; she was beyond heartbroken.

“Come on, let’s sit down.” Bucky led her to the tent that was propped up behind them. “There’s something you should know.”

“What is it, Buck?” She sobbed.

“Please don’t hate me, but Steve is not coming back.” The girl looked up at her friend, not know what emotion she was feeling in the moment. Her tears stopped momentarily, needing to hear the words that would spill from Bucky’s mouth. “Steve decided to go back in time and have a life with Peggy. He needed you to know that he didn’t want to hurt you. He also left you this note.”

Her shaky hands extended to take hold of the piece of paper Bucky handed her. She dried away the tears that were clouding her eyes and began reading.

My dearest doll,

If you are reading this letter, you know I am not coming back. I decided to take hold of the chance to have the life I would’ve had if I stayed in the 40s. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling in this moment, and I’m sorry for all the hurt I know I’m causing you. I need you to know that I never knew I could love someone after Peggy and I’m thankful for all the years we had together. I was in love with you and I still am, but I could not continue on knowing I have a chance to answer one of my biggest ‘what if’s. I could not go on in our life with the weight of my past on our shoulders, you deserve better than that. I hope you can pardon how big of a coward I am being in the moment, I knew I couldn’t do this face-to-face and you deserve at least a worded explanation of why I left. You are strong, amazing, beautiful, and deserving of all the love in the world; I’m sorry I couldn’t provide it. I want you to promise me that you’ll move on and be happy, even if it’s not with me. I also hope you don’t hate Bucky for being the bearer of bad news, he didn’t know until today and I gave him no other choice thant to tell you. If there’s someone that can understand what you are feeling right now, it is him.

I hope one day you will forgive me for this,

I love you until the end of the line.

Steve

She folded the paper back up and broke down once again. Bucky engulfed her in a hug and held her as she shook. “He’s gone, Buck. He went back to be with Peggy. I wasn’t enough for him.”

“Oh, doll, I’m so sorry.”

“Guys, we’ve got to head back,” Sam peeked his head through the tent, heartbroken by the view in front of him. “I’ve got her, Buck. Go get the truck started.”

Bucky released (Y/N) into the arms of Sam Wilson, and left to start the car to head back to the tower. Sam ran his hands over the sobbing girl’s hair trying his best to soothe her. Even though he didn’t fully understand the situation she was in, he got the jist of it. After everything was packed back up, (Y/N) had fallen asleep in Sam’s arms, so he picked her up and laid her on his lap to not wake her. She would be needing all the rest she could get.

“You guys good back there?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah, she’s out like a light,” Sam whispered.

“Good, she’s gonna need all the energy she can get to recover.”

“What happened?”

“Steve decided to stay back and be with Peggy; left me to tell her the news.” Busky gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles were pale white, his anger building up inside him.

“Wow, I never expected that from the Cap. I don’t think it’ll be easy for her to move on from this.” He looked down at the sleeping figure in his lap, wiping away the few tears that had slipped out in her slumber. “She might be physically strong, but she’s very sensitive and rarely gets attached.”

“I still don’t understand why he chose to do it this way. The little punk.”

The duo waited until Banner was inside the truck before leaving the spot they were in and back home. Unbeknownst to them, behind the trees, a figure stared at the scene in front of him with a broken heart.

***

It had been almost three weeks of robotic movements from (Y/N). She would wake up, sometimes eat, sit in front of a window and stare down the New York skyline; other times she would lay in bed wearing one of Steve’s shirts and sprayed the room with his cologne as she sobbed into his pillow. There were the nights that she drowned her sorrows in a bottle of whatever liquor she could find, until the other members started hiding the bottles. But that didn’t stop her from stashing a couple of bottles in her closet. Nighttime was always the hardest. (Y/N) had grown used to falling asleep in Steve’s arms and being engulfed in his warmth. Now, she thrashed around in a bed that was too big, too cold, and too uncomfortable.

The rest of the team had tried their best to lift her spirits, but nothing seemed to work too well. Sam tried his best to make her favorite meals, which she gave thanks for but rarely ate, pushing the food around in the plate; Bucky tried to entice some emotion by asking her to join him in clearing his list of movies to watch to catch up on the times, but she would zone out for most of the movie; Bruce would ask her to join him in his afternoon reading sessions, but every time she picked up a book she re-read the same page over and over not retaining a single word; Wanda would try her best to get her to partake in normal hygiene practices, which the girl had held off on for a couple of days, only getting her to shower every other day.

(Y/N) was a walking zombie, doing the bare minimum to survive.

But today she had woken up differently, her heart hurting a little less than the other days. She got into the shower, brushed her teeth, and even got dressed in her own clothes. It was three in the afternoon, but she was up. She was detangling her hair when her bedroom door opened.

“You’re awake?” Bucky said, startled to see a clean and awake (Y/N) in front of him. “Don’t mean to sound so surprised, but I came in here with the intention to startle you awake once again.”

The girl chuckled and continued her brushing. “Thought it was time to do something by myself.”

“Here, let me.” Bucky took the brush from her hands and started brushing through her damp hair. It finally smelled of her normal shampoo and conditioner, and not a mix of her hair oils and Steve’s cologne. The smell of strawberries and vanilla emanated from her head and Bucky couldn’t help but breathe in deep. His left hand ran the hairbrush through her hair as his right hand smoothed it down. (Y/N) leaned into his touch and smiled at the comforting strokes he was providing. Unknowingly, Bucky started humming a lullaby under his breath.

“What are you humming?”

“It’s a Russian lullaby I overheard one night while under HYDRAs hold. There’s not much I like to remember from those times, but this I don’t mind.”

“I like it,” she rocked to the movements of his hands and smiled as she listened intently to his humming. She couldn’t see him, but the veteran was smiling at her. It had been the first time she had shown any kind of emotion in the time that had elapsed. He finished her hair in a sloppy braid, not fully understanding the mechanics of the three-strand braid. “Thank you, Buck.”

“How’re you feeling today, (Y/N)?” He finally asked.

“I’m feeling better, don’t know how long it will take to get me to 100% but I’m feeling like a 45% today.”

“That’s good to hear, you know. It’s better than where we started.” He wrapped his arms around her from behind and she leaned into him, enjoying the warmth his body emanated. “So, what do you want to do today?”

“Have not gotten up to that point.”

“Well, Sam’s already cooking up something in the kitchen and I’m on the second movie of The Lord of the Rings, so we can watch that one.”

“Okay, that sounds good.” She smiled at the man that was next to her as they exited her room.

The rest of the team had gathered in the kitchen, working on ways to cheer (Y/N) up when they saw her emerge from the hallway with a small smile on her face. Everyone’s jaw fell open when they saw the girl looking partly human and with a spark of energy. It had been a while since she had resembled the (Y/N) they knew and loved.

“Guys, please pick up your mouths off the floor, your eyes do not deceive you.” (Y/N) joked.

“Glad to see you’re alive, (Y/N),” Sam spoke. “Come have some food.”

She smiled at her friend and sat next to Wanda as Sam placed a plate of chocolate chip pancakes in front of her. Bucky served himself and her a cup of coffee and added the cream and sugar she enjoyed with her drink. She happily munched on the food as the people around her stared in astonishment.

Thankfully, the staring didn’t last long. Wanda and Sam had a quick recon mission and Bruce had some work to finish in the lab, leaving Bucky and (Y/N) to enjoy The Two Towers in peace. Bucky had the curtains drawn and the movie all set up as (Y/N) took out blankets and made a hole between all the pillows that adorned the couch. The duo settled into their spot and bundled themselves in the blankets, settling in for the 226 minutes of the extended version of the movie.

She wasn’t sure at what point in the movie she fell asleep, but she was woken up by Bucky softly shaking her awake. She mumbled something she didn’t even understand, so Bucky decided to carry her to her bed. (Y/N) had burned too much energy by being around too many people too fast. It didn’t seem like a lot but being around the whole team had taken a toll on her. The sun had started to set and so were the last slivers of happiness she had felt.

Bucky set her down on her bed, tucking the blankets around her. He turned to leave when a small hand wrapped around his right wrist. He looked down and saw a teary-eyed (Y/N) looking up at him.

“Stay, please.” Her voice was barely a whisper and it trembled slightly. She was the vision of the heartbreaking scene that had hurt him three weeks ago.

He smiled softly at the girl and went around the bed to climb in. “Today was hard, huh?”

“Yeah, I thought I was ready to go back to normal, but it took too much out of me. I feel so useless.”

“You are far from useless, doll. You’re hurting, darling, we all understand.” He pulled her in close and laid her head on his chest, the thin layer becoming wet with her tears. “It’ll get better someday, that’s the only thing I’m sure of.”

“How do you know?”

“Because we all do, after a while we all get better.”

“I wish we knew how long a while was. Everything would be easier.”

“I know, doll, but let’s take it all one day at a time. Just remember you’re not alone. You have me – and the rest of the team.” He cleared his throat trying to disguise the importance she held in his life. Bucky would have never said anything, but he had fallen for the girl. He held her already in high regard for the care she had given to his best friend, but his feelings had started to shift when she started caring for him while they were on the run.

“Thank you, Buck. I don’t know where I would be without you.” She laid a kiss on his chest and drifted to sleep with Bucky’s arm rubbing circles on her back.

One more week had gone by and (Y/N) had grown used to having Bucky sleep with her at night. He had helped her pack away all the things Steve had left in the room – specifically the cologne that still hunted her, – he started waking her up earlier and making sure she got at least two full meals a days before she went to bed, and he made sure that she didn’t spend her nights crying for a man he called his best friend.

All of Bucky’s efforts didn’t go unnoticed. The remaining Avengers had noticed how the ex-assassin cared for the broken girl, going further than the rest of them did. And his feelings for the girl did not fly by the mind-reading witch that currently stared at him preparing lunch for (Y/N).

“When will you tell her how you feel?” The redhead spoke, casually sipping on a cup of coffee.

“What do you mean, Wanda?”

“What she means is that you’ve been in love with that girl for far too long and it’s time you confess already,” Sam jeered. “Nothing’s stopping you now.”

“Except for the fact that she’s still reeling from my best friend breaking her heart by going back in time and leaving her to be with someone else. I’m sure she’ll be jumping with joy if I confess right now,” he mocked. “Anyways, how did you know?”

“You’re not very secretive about it,’’ Sam laughed. “You’re always in a sour mood but magically when you’re with her you become someone else. The White Wolf become (Y/N)’s puppy real quick!’’

“I am not that obvious with it.”

“Okay, lil’ pup.”

“Whatever. Anyways, it’s not the right time for that.”

“When will it be the right time then, Bucky?” Wanda inquired.

“I don’t know. But it’s not right now.” He plated what he was cooking and headed to (Y/N)’s room. The last thing she needed at the moment was a new relationship, even if that’s all Bucky wanted.

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realcube · 3 years

Text

The Maid Café || Saiki K x Reader

summary: nendou and kaidou keep pestering saiki to visit their favourite maid café but he shuts them down every time. however, after a bit of prying they manage to convince him to give the place a try and while they are there, you just so happen to be on shift.

tw// cussing, maid café, (she/her) reader

key:

“non italicised text” = somebody besides Saiki speaking

“italicised text” = Saiki telepathically communicating

‘italised text’ = Saiki’s thought

‘Of course Nendou and Kaidou would be into maid cafés of all things — not cat cafés, not internet cafés — it just had to be maid cafés.’

Saiki’s internal monologue began as Kaidou continued gushing on about the cute lady he met at the café a few days ago as an argument to why Saiki should join them next time they go. Not to say Saiki wasn’t listening as he felt extremely sorry for whatever lady had to tolerate Kaidou’s advances and his prayer went out to her but besides that, he really couldn’t care less about the maids or the café.

Until, his attention was involuntarily aroused at the vocalisation of his name from Nendou, “Saiki’s definitely in for Friday, I’m pretty sure I sold him when I told him that the sandwiches there are almost as good as the ramen we usually get.”

‘No, you didn’t. I won’t be coming to join you on Friday. I’d much rather stay--’

Somehow Kaidou managed to cut off Saiki’s internal monologue with his annoying voice, “Don’t be silly, Nendou. You’re not going to win Saiki over with such a ridiculous comparison, one that he clearly doesn’t care about.”

‘Am I delusional? Is this a hallucination? Or did Kaidou just say something logical and based in reality?’

Kaidou’s aura immediately changed to dark and sinister as a mischievous smirk crossed his face, the background squawks of the crows suddenly became much louder for some unknown reason. “Instead, you must locate your opponent's weak point before you can recognise the crucially important moment to exploit it. The process takes patience but it is one I have learned from my many years rebelling against Dark Reunion. Now, young Nendou, watch and learn.” He finished with a dramatic flip of his school jacket which was slung over his shoulders as a cape.

‘What was all that about?’

Saiki wondered before Kaidou turned to him, much less brooding than he was a few seconds ago, and said casually, “Your loss if you don’t come, Saiki — you’ll be the one missing out on some of the best desserts in our whole town — not to mention the coffee jelly.”

✿✿✿✿✿

‘How do I always end up losing to these people? I am a psychic for god’s sake!’

Saiki mentally cursed himself out as he stood shamefully in front of the maid café, wearing a carefully curated outfit — including his germanium ring — created especially to hide his identity from anyone from his school that might pass by the café and spot him in there through the window or something. Honestly, he wouldn’t be caught dead in a maid café, or so he thought.

However, all the reviews he read along with both Nendou and Kaidou’s thoughts helped him conclude that this place’s coffee jelly and general dessert selection is nothing to sneeze at. In fact, his favourite Tumblr blog - DeadlyDesserts11037 - visited the place and gave it a 5 star review, recommending everybody who happens to pass by the town to definitely check the place out. After that, he was sold.

Saiki looked over at his friends and couldn’t help but facepalm in response to their bright red, thrilled expressions. “Good grief, please don’t tell me you are both that excited over ladies in maid outfits.” As you might’ve guessed, Saiki didn’t really understand the concept of a ‘maid café’, so he simply assumed the male obsession with maids had something to do with the objectification of women hence he obviously did not want to take part.

“Saiki, you’re seriously just built different if this doesn’t touch your soul.” They both brushed the pink-haired boy’s comment off, completely mesmerised by the sight of a particularly pretty maid-lady walking by the window — probably on her way to serve a table — carrying a notepad in one hand and a plate with a scrumptious-looking coffee jelly on top.

Saiki followed their gaze, his breath hitching at the sight. He was speechless; no sarcastic comment, no running commentary, nothing. Just..woah! If he had known that the girls that work at this place were so gorgeous and the food looked so delicious, he would’ve came a long time ago.

He wasn’t even sure which one he wanted more; the girl or the jelly. In a way, one wasn’t complete without the other because the coffee jelly which she held high next to her head brought out her (E/C) eyes while her shapely figure highlighted the defined curves of the jelly. Drool was quick to start forming at the corners of his lips but he was even quicker to wipe it away; he was starving.

“We’re going in.”

✿✿✿✿✿

To Saiki’s dismay, it was not the stunning (H/C)-haired girl who he had caught a glimpse of through the glass that ushered them to their table. Rather, it was a slightly less gorgeous maid-lady who had long, bright purple hair which was clearly a wig.

Fortunately for him, after she left Kadiou, Nendou and himself to take their seats, she rushed off saying that someone will come take their orders whenever they are ready.

Even with his psychic abilities, there wasn’t much he could think of to alter fate so the pretty coffee-jelly lady would end up serving their table, and besides that, he was way too caught up in gawking at all the mouth-watering desserts they had pictured on the menu.

Simply glancing over the menu brought a stupid grin to his face, he wanted to try every delectable treat presented in front of him. However, he knew he must exhibit restraint, which was fairly simple as he knew deep down there was only one thing on the menu that he was truly after. You guessed it — coffee jelly.

Usually, he couldn’t care less about what his friends comrades were going to order but in this case, he was tempted to try convince both Kaidou and Nendou to order something he liked so he could take a bite of whatever they were having, “What are you two going to order?”

Yet again though, he was ignored as Nendou and Kaidou were both too busy checking out other types of snacks to care about the ones on the menu.

Then, a movement out of the corner of his eyes caught his attention so his head jolted from the menu to his new target, the beautiful girl he had saw through the window earlier. Previously, she was holding a coffee jelly but now she was basically empty handed, until she approached the table and pulled out a notepad and pen, “May I take your orders?” She asked in the most calming, melodious voice Saiki had ever heard, the sounds that left her mouth were nothing short of angelic. Which made sense since her serving their table must’ve been god’s gift to Saiki for all his hard work.

Chills, Saiki got literal chills before he mused, “A coffee jelly, and two brownies for the pair of clowns.” His blood ran cold; curse his smooth sarcastic comments! Most of the time, he was able to filter himself but due to the nerves that arose while talking to you, he probably shouldn’t be surprised that he had a little slip of the tongue. But now, you probably think he is a bitch that insults people on the regular; which he is, but not usually aloud! Plus, he couldn’t even tell what you were thinking due to his germanium ring and your distant expression, awful combo!

While he was in the middle of feeling bad for himself and considering teleporting away home, a miracle happened, you burst out laughing. And somehow, your laughter was even more silvery than your voice.

Saiki had zoned-out from pure shock for a moment before coming back to reality, noticing that you had started jotting down something in your notepad, a sweet smile still lingering on your face despite the fact you had stopped laughing. “Alright, so one coffee jelly and two brownies. Anything else?” You asked, glancing back and forth between the three equally unique and strange men sitting at the table.

“That’ll be all, thank you.” Saiki telepathically communicated as he usually did, considering actually using his mouth to speak for a change so he didn’t seem weird but in all honesty, he couldn’t be bothered. In any other situation, he would’ve gotten a drink of water or perhaps hot cocoa but right now he was way too afraid of making another error in his speech to request something else.

Silently, he extended his arm to hand you the menu he was given when he entered the café, along with the ones Kaidou and Nendou were given too. His actions single-handedly shooting down your plan of leaning across the table to ‘take the menus’ but in reality it is just a subtle way of showing-off how nice your torso looked in this maid outfit, a trick you learned from your supervisor.

You nodded, closing over your notepad and making your way over to the kitchen, being sure to swing your hips just a little bit extra to impress the pink-haired megane at the table you just took an order from. You mentally cursed your stupid brain though for always crushing on guys/gals who don’t seem the least bit interested in you. In this case, the guy’s attention was divided between his star-struck friends and the desserts on the menu, rather than you which was an unusual sight in a maid café considering that most people would only come to ogle at the waitresses.

✿✿✿✿✿

“So, Saiki.” Kaidou finally landed back into reality after a large chunk of the waitresses roaming around were now in the kitchen which he didn’t have viewing access to, “What did you order us?”

‘So, he was fully aware that the waitress came to take his order, he just chose to ignore her and left me to order his food. What a child, it must be a side-effect of his eighth grade syndrome.’

Saiki couldn’t help but sigh, “I ordered you both brownies.”

Kaidou stuck out his bottom lip to form a pout as he crossed his arm over his chest like a toddler, “I hate brownies.” He muttered to himself, realising that if he wanted something done right, he’d have to do it himself.

An amused smirk tugged at Saiki’s lips but he resisted the urge to laugh, ‘I know.’ He thought, his masterplan to eat more food without looking greedy falling into place. “Oh well, more for me then.”

Suddenly, Nendou spun his head around to abruptly join the conversation, “Hey guys, did you see the hottie that was serving our table?” He inquired with starry eyes, as if he was a kid in a candy store.

Saiki nodded, ‘Obviously I did, you moron. I was the one who ordered the food for goodness’ sake!’

Kaidou shook his head, his eyes lighting up as he leaned in close to Nendou, “Nope! I was busy looking at the other girls, but tell us!”

Nendou chuckled at Kaidou’s enthusiastic reaction before glancing to the side, outstretching his arm and pointing at the waitress that was now approaching the table with the food in her hands. “There she is!”

‘Don’t point at her, you idiot!’ Saiki mentally insulted his friend but instinctively followed the guidance of the tip of his finger until his eyes landed on your shapely figure — accentuated by the nature of the maid outfit — slowly heading toward his table, holding the coffee jelly and the plate of brownies in the same graceful way you did when he saw you through the window.

The gleam of your gorgeous hair, the movement of your luscious lashes, the gentle bounce of your upper body, how your perfectly manicured nails clutched the base of the jelly glass; everything about what he was seeing made him believe that if/when he were to die, this would be his ideal first sight as he passed through the gates of heaven.

Before he knew it, you had reached the table and placed his jelly down on the table, gently nudging it towards him, “One coffee jelly for the cute boy with antennas.” You mused, making Saiki’s heart flutter in a way he was unfamiliar with. Then, you placed the brownies in front of Kaidou and Nednou who sat opposite from Saiki, “And two brownies for the clowns.”

If it wasn’t for the fact the pair of clowns were too busy leching over you in your maid outfit, they’d probably be curious as to your choice of words but luckily for both you and Saiki, they were way to entranced by your visible bra strap to care about the little nickname.

Saiki felt a light blush creep onto his face, which only got worse as you discretely sent him a playful wink before turning on your heels to stroll back to the kitchen, “If you need anything else, just give me a wave.”

All of them hummed agreement in unison until the waitress was out of sight, giving Saiki a moment to process the events that had just went down. Not only did you refer to him as ‘the cute boy with antennas’ but you also winked at him, if that wasn’t a clear sign you were interested, what was? However, Saiki still had his doubts since this was a maid café after all, perhaps you were just trained to do that with all your customers.

Luckily, the had the foresight to slip off his germanium ring to read your mind and that helped him come to the conclusion that you were either interested in him or you were just very competitive as the whole time you were serving the table your thoughts were along the lines of;

‘I’ll adjust my skirt- Ha! You looked! Try resist falling for me now, you hot lil’ megane! Your heart is mine and I know it! See, I’ll fidget with my corset too-- just make a move already, pinkie!’

Although he didn’t appreciate being called ‘pinkie’, he had no right to judge what was going on in your brain. All he could do is be thankful that you didn’t say that aloud.

✿✿✿✿✿

You sighed as you noticed the pink-haired boy and his little posy exit the establishment without so much as a goodbye, or even a wave!

It was disappointing as you had already mentally planned your future with this guy and he had the audacity to do the real life equivalent of leaving you on read. But oh well, it would be approximately a week until you developed a crush on a random customer that lasts for around 30 minutes and for the time being, you can focus on doing your job.

You glumly shuffled over to their table to gather their plates to be washed, then a piece of colourful paper attached to the empty jelly glass caught your eye. As you held up the glass to inspect it further, you realised that it was a sticky note with a message written on it in black ink and neat, cursive handwriting. It read:

‘Dearest waitress,

Thank you for the excellent service, we (myself) tipped accordingly.’

You hadn’t finished reading yet but you were curious as to what he meant by that, and apparently you service must’ve been exceptional as the writer had left a whole ¥2000 tip. That’s a huge addition to the demonia fund.

Followed by this charming little message was an extra tip for you; the writer’s phone number! Meaning that this little sticky note was something you had to protect with your life..so you shoved it in your bra for safe-keeping.

But not before taking a moment to giggle with delight at who the note was signed by,

‘Sincerely, the hot lil’ megane (aka Kusuo Saiki)’

#saiki no psi nan #kusuo saiki x reader #the disaster of psi kusuo saiki #the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki k x reader #saiki x reader #saiki headcanons #saiki k headcanons #kusuo x reader #saiki kusou no psi nan #kusou saiki x reader #saiki fluff #saiki k fluff #saiki k oneshot

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panharmonium · 3 years

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the other thing that i keep thinking about, especially now that i’ve been knee-deep in conversation about kakashi’s father for the last couple days, is the amount of politically/socially-charged context kakashi must be constantly navigating as a leaf shinobi, even though we don’t get to see much of it.

the transformation of the hidden leaf village is obviously still a work in progress, and society never changes overnight. we’ve heard at various points in shippuden about the still-present divide between hardliners like danzo and the (somewhat) more moderate senju line, and it’s clear that there are still plenty of reactionary/conservative forces at work in the shinobi world, which means there are absolutely still segments of the population who would view the kind of challenge that kakashi and his students pose to traditional shinobi values as a threat. and back when kakashi first chose to reaffirm his father’s principles, i’m sure it was much worse - the way minato tells it, the entire village and the land of fire turned on sakumo, and it’s not like all those people just disappeared when kakashi finally allowed himself to recognize that all of them were doing something wrong. they were still there. they were his neighbors. they were his colleagues. he had to live with them. he had to work with them - he had to work FOR them, even. to this day, he still does.

like. i am FASCINATED by the complexities of this situation, even though we barely see any of it. just...thinking about thirteen year-old kakashi being a member of the Jonin Assembly alongside all of these grown adults who persecuted his father until the “great man who everyone looked up to” couldn’t survive it any longer. thinking about teenage kakashi lost and “waiting to die” in the anbu black ops, but still breaking every rule to rescue little tenzo from a hardline conservative who tried to have kakashi assassinated. thinking about adult kakashi, still a member of that same Jonin Assembly, still working alongside people he can clearly remember harassing and attacking his father for saving their lives, being asked to serve as a clandestine hokage under danzo’s nose, because foreign nations trust kakashi where they don’t trust the actual nominee, and then being nominated for real when danzo turns up dead (and having his nomination approved, i might add, by the land of fire, whose government officially blamed kakashi’s father for the damage that resulted from that abandoned mission years before).

we only get hints about the lingering controversy surrounding kakashi and his family via danzo and, occasionally, the village elders, but like. kakashi occupies such a complex place in the hidden leaf village, because he’s become incredibly respected and renowned by many (if not most) of its residents, but he also spends every day of his life moving within a community where many (if not most) of the older people around him participated in a campaign of vicious harassment against his father, one that ultimately led to his death. some of them may have had changes of heart after sakumo’s suicide - that seems like the kind of thing that might have shocked some people into reevaluating their positions, particularly given how respected sakumo was prior to that time - and some of them probably died later in the war, but we know there’s still a conservative faction active in the hidden leaf village, and some of those people are always going to be who they are. and even the people who aren’t - even the ones who regret how they acted - it’s still so complicated! how do you continue to live and work in that environment? how do you navigate a history of being harmed in that way, when you still have to collaborate with and/or serve the same people who did the harming, some of whom likely view you with the exact same disdain they had for your father?

kakashi manages it, somehow, though i’ll bet he has complicated feelings about it, even if he keeps them to himself. and that’s yet another reason why (if i can just take these thoughts on a slight detour to the present) i think kakashi’s relationship with sasuke is so vitally important, especially moving forward. sasuke’s family was wronged by the village too, in horrific, unforgivable ways - the shinobi system swallowed itachi whole and sacrificed the entire uchiha clan on the altar of a mission, in exactly the kind of evil, inhuman decision-making process that sakumo and obito and kakashi said could never be justified. the uchiha were victims of the same shinobi system that drove kakashi’s father to his death - the one that said “everything is acceptable as long as the task at hand is accomplished. people are disposable in service to a mission.” both sasuke and kakashi’s families fell to a cultural context that refused to acknowledge that it is never okay to sacrifice your comrades for a mission, a cultural context that embraced this belief to the point where even literal genocide became excusable.

if sasuke is ever going to really and truly Come Home, he’s going to need to learn how to navigate this situation. not to excuse the wrong that was done, and certainly not to give up on getting justice for himself and his clan, but also to figure out, in conjunction with these important tasks, how to continue existing in an environment where so much officially-sanctioned harm was done to his person, and where so many people around him have at least a little bit of history of being suspicious of or uncharitable towards the uchiha clan, even though they obviously didn’t know about the impending coup or danzo’s extermination order.

it’s an incredibly complicated situation, and even if kakashi doesn’t have all the answers, he can at least understand what it feels like to be in that kind of position. he’s been navigating something like this for many, many years. he’s the precedent, someone who can help sasuke wrestle with the perhaps unanswerable questions of how am i supposed to dedicate myself to a place that wronged me like this? why should i protect people who hurt me so badly? is there even a way for me to move forward here, if i can’t forgive the ones who took my family away from me? can this actually be my home again, when i know what it did to my people?

kakashi has obviously managed to come up with answers to these questions that enable him to stay integrated in his community and keep building a future he believes in, though I doubt any of his answers are simple, and i’m sure there are some things that he’s just had to accept will never be fully settled in his heart. it’s like what he says to obito in an episode i watched recently: “i don’t know anything for sure, either...i’ve thought that this world is hell, too...but...” it’s the but that matters. even in the face of confusion and complexity, kakashi has found a way to keep moving. he’s learned to co-exist with the uncertainty and discomfort surrounding him, and to make his own meaning out of this life, regardless of how complicated his internal relationship with the village might be. he’s found a way to keep his eyes trained on the light, whatever that light might look like for him, and even if said light is only, as gaara says, “the faintest glimmer.” he has so much to teach someone like sasuke, who up until recently was responding to that same plea of gaara’s with a fatalistic “i shut my eyes a long time ago. the things i seek now lie only in the darkness.”

anyway. i am just having Many Thoughts currently about the intricacies of the political and social context that kakashi is always navigating, even though he never says a word about it. and i’m curious whether this family history will ever come up again in the last fifth of this show. if i were going on instinct alone, i’d suspect that we weren’t quite done with sakumo yet - i feel like we barely even started with him, to be honest (and also - whatever happened to kakashi’s mother???) - but i should know better at this point than to try and predict what this show is going to do, so i’ll just wait and see.

#naruto #meta #pan watches naruto #i got lost on the path of life #this is something i've always kind of wondered about in the back of my mind #but i started really focusing on it recently because of the conversations i've been having with dreamersscape about shikamaru and kakashi #because the other thing i think about in conjunction with this topic is how the kids have absolutely zero clue about any of this #sakumo's story seems to be - at least from what i've seen so far -#something that the entire leaf village just decided to never discuss again immediately after it reached its horrifying conclusion #whether out of shame or whatever else #it's buried history #even in the immediate aftermath - obito only knows the white fang as 'that hero who died protecting the village'#the rest of the story seems to have become That Of Which We Do Not Speak #and naruto's generation is even further removed from the history than obito was; so they just have no idea #like - naruto once asked kakashi who lady chio meant by 'the white fang'; and when kakashi uncomfortably answered 'my father'#naruto was so shocked by the concept of kakashi having parents that he never even asked any follow-up questions XD XD XD #so anyway i'm just thinking about how much the younger kids are going to start learning after they come home and start climbing the ranks #eg shikamaru shadowing kakashi in jonin circles and starting to pick up on dynamics he hasn't been exposed to before #bc i'm sure kakashi's philosophy for preparing jonin aspirants will be just as stubbornly renegade as his process for genin #and i can imagine there are certain tasks he'll set or standards he'll outline that might stir up some muttering #at least among the old guard #anyway. i think about this stuff a lot #the kids starting to learn all of the things that everybody else already knows about kakashi but nobody ever talks about #including kakashi himself #sasuke got the cliffsnotes version the day he left the leaf village; but there is still SO MUCH he and the other kids aren't aware of #they know nothing about kakashi's history with obito or rin or yamato or itachi; or what happened to his father; or how he got his sharingan #or that he was targeted for assassination by danzo as a teenager #they have no idea what his life was like AT ALL; and honestly i think kakashi wanted it to be that way #but that bubble has to pop eventually; and i can only imagine the kids' faces when they start to discover just how much they never knew.

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arrow-guy · 2 years

Text

Neither Here Nor There (2/3)

Summary: Very seldom does life go as we plan it. Life goes downhill after (Y/N) is kidnapped, and things only get stranger from there. Thrown into the world of Hydra, the Avengers, and superheroes there’s only one constant: Bucky Barnes. Is there any way for them to find the peace they both long for?

A/N: Chapter two!! I really liked writing this chapter. It’s the first thing I’ve written that’s fully canon compliant that comes after Endgame (because I’m a coward and don’t usually want to write stuff for that bit because it’s SAD) and it just felt right when I was writing it. I hope you’ll enjoy this chapter!

Page dividers by @carryonmyswansong

Pairing: BuckyxReader

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: Canon typical violence, federal agent(s), major character death mentioned (Infinity War and Endgame compliant), separation, angst

Part 1

Bucky called as soon as he was settled. Steve had been on a mission, so (Y/N) was free to talk to him as long as he had the time. From there on out, he texted with some regularity and called very infrequently. Which was fine, because (YN) had begun training with Natasha with the intention of adding her to missions in the future.

To her own surprise, (Y/N) was actually comfortable with working in the field again. She knew the Avengers weren’t Hydra. She knew they helped people to the best of their abilities and kept anyone they could safe. And having a good team was great, but she found that her comfort really came down to the fact that it was her choice this time.

Clint had randomly brought up the possibility of her working with them during a meeting one morning. Natasha had smacked his arm to shut him up, but (Y/N) had simply shrugged and said “Sure.”

When they felt that she was ready, she worked quick little “get in, get out” type assignments with Clint and Natasha.

She initially worried that she’d settle into old habits. Fall back into the silence and minimal involvement. That she’d go back to being someone’s tool. But having her teammate’s voices in her ear, Clint going at an almost constant chatter, kept her present. Natasha asking for her opinion made her focus and stay engaged. The intense gaze Nat directed at her with each question told her that she knew what (Y/N) was feeling and she was doing it on purpose. (Y/N) was endlessly grateful.

Bucky happened to call just as they arrived back from her first extended assignment. She answered as soon as she saw his number and she knew he could tell something was different.

“Did something happen?”

“That depends, Good or bad?”

“You just sound happier is all.”

“Oh. Well I’m definitely happier.”

“Good.” He paused and just as (Y/N) was about to say something asked, “What changed? New friend or something?”

“Hah! (Y/N) has a new friend, that’s hilarious.” She giggled to herself for a moment before she could compose herself. “No, no new friends. But um… okay, this might sound dumb.”

“I doubt it.” (Y/N) didn’t continue, and Bucky grew worried. “(Y/N)?”

“I’m working with the Avengers.”

“You’re working with them?”

“I just got back from an assignment, actually.”

“How-” he cleared his throat- “How’s that going?”

“Really good, to be honest.” Bucky didn’t say anything and (Y/N) signed. “I’m sure you think it’s a bad idea.”

“It’s not that. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

"I'll be fine. It was my choice. And it's not like I'm working jobs on my own." Bucky huffed, not entirely pleased with her answer. "I don't know what to tell you. This is what I'm doing now."

"You were doing great as Stark's assistant."

"I was doing a great job tracking you. Because that's the only thing I was doing." He grumbled something along the lines of "At least you were safe," and (Y/N) shook her head. "Do you want me to send you updates? Because I can text you when I get back from missions. Let you know I'm home in one piece."

"Only if you tell me when you're hurt, too."

"Do you actually want to know when I'm hurt?"

"No. Maybe that's incentive for you to stay out of the line of fire."

"I think getting shot that first time with you was more than enough."

"Good."

"I'll keep you apprised then."

"Thank you."

Tentatively, (Y/N) asked, "How've you been?"

"I'm alright. Definitely been better."

"Oh?"

"Don't get me wrong, I've been worse too. But I haven't been in one place alone like this in… I can't actually remember the last time. It's kind of like learning to exist again."

“That’s the hardest part. Figuring yourself out after everything that’s happened.” Natasha slowed as she walked past and raised her eyebrows. (Y/N) shook her head and Nat shrugged and walked off to find Clint. (Y/N) lowered her voice before continuing. "I wish I could be there to help, but I know you need space."

"Yeah. And it's better for everyone this way."

"I don't know if it's better. It's definitely quieter."

"And safer."

"For now." The other end of the line is silent. “I can hear you rolling your eyes.”

“No you can’t.”

“Your eye-rolling silence is different from your regular silence. I know when you’re rolling your eyes.”

“I’m starting to get why you didn’t have friends in school.”

“Ugh, so rude.” Bucky laughed. “Look, all I meant is that being alone is safer for now. You’re not always going to feel like you don’t own your brain.”

“You can’t know that.”

“Maybe not. But what if I’m right?”

“Then that’d be great. But I’m not going to take that chance. Especially not with people I care about.” (Y/N) said nothing. "No quick comeback?"

"I don't know if you know this about me, but I hold within me an abundance of stupidity. I don't always have a retort prepared." She plopped down on a shipping container and leaned back against the hangar wall. "I trust you to know what's best for you. You're the only one who knows what's going on inside your head. When you're ready to share, I'll be here."

"Thank you. I'm sorry I'm making this hard on you."

"You're not, so don't be. I worry about you, but your situation isn't about me. I'm sorry that's how it came across."

"It's fine."

“Just-”

“(Y/N)!”

Clint appeared in front of her and, startled, she shouted her surprise.

“What?!”

“Debrief time, let’s go.”

“I’m on the phone.”

“Nat decided we’re meeting now, and she’s the boss.”

(Y/N) groaned. “Looks like I have to go.”

“Yeah, sounds pretty important.”

“Incredibly. Take care of yourself.”

“Mhm, you too.”

“Talk to you later.” They hung up and she shoved herself up from the container. “You have the worst timing.”

Clint grinned. “Who was that?”

“A friend.”

“Oh come on, you don’t have friends.”

“Neither do you.”

“Ooh, harsh.”

(Y/N) rolled her eyes and followed Clint out into the hallway. He stopped just short of their meeting room.

“You really should be a little more careful,” he said.

“About?”

“Taking calls like that. Steve’ll notice sooner rather than later.”

“Believe it or not, I have thought of that.” Clint kept his expression carefully blank. “Look, can we please just drop it? I never told him I’d keep him a secret. Just that I wouldn’t find him.”

“You’re sure?”

“I already got this lecture from Nat the first time he called. Let’s just get this meeting over with so we can move on.”

Clint and Natasha kept her secret as long as it remained one.

(Y/N) worked more frequent and more dangerous missions as time pressed forward, but she never failed to keep Bucky in the loop. She was concussed on one mission and she texted him as soon as she knew. He called and kept her company after she was discharged from the infirmary. They talked for several hours and just as (Y/N) joked that they were tempting fate, Steve stepped into her room to check on her.

The first words out of her mouth were “I’m sorry,” quickly followed by “I can explain.” And she was lucky Steve gave her the chance.

Bucky stayed on the line while she explained the situation. That he was the one to call her. To ask that she stay away and stop looking. That she'd agreed, as long as he promised to keep in touch. That they’d been in contact for months without Steve knowing.

And he sat there, nodding while she talked, his frustration very obviously simmering just beneath his skin. But, in spite of the frustration and disappointment, he understood their reasoning.

When (Y/N) trailed off, Steve sat there on her bed, deep frown firmly in place. Eventually he sighed and asked Bucky if he was alright. Bucky said that he was and Steve nodded and told him to take care of himself. (Y/N) almost asked if there was more he wanted to stay, but Steve patted her shoulder and left before she could get the words out.

They didn’t speak for several months after that until (Y/N) felt compelled to fill Bucky in on what was happening with Ultron. She had been tossed around a bit by one of the bots during Tony’s party, but otherwise sat out for the whole ordeal. Bucky knew this and was still worried

In spite of staying out of the limelight with the Ultron incident and never going on missions where she would be publicly visible, someone, somehow, still knew she was working with the Avengers. And, lucky her, they followed her to the little cafe three blocks away from the Tower when she left to get herself, Steve, and Clint coffee one afternoon.

She could tell just by their shoes they were a federal agent. She couldn’t tell which branch, but it didn’t matter. Any attention from them was bad attention.

They followed her out of the cafe without even bothering to get their own drink as a cover. They tailed her for a good half hour as she led them around in circles around the Tower. They didn’t seem to even notice she was doing it. Eventually she stopped behind a dumpster and waited for the agent to stumble past her.

It wasn’t that (Y/N) wanted to draw attention to herself, but she couldn’t just let the guy follow her home. So she stopped and waited for him to come to her.

She leaned against the brick wall and, as they walked past her, asked, “Hey, what do you want?” The agent jumped and pulled his gun on her. She simply lifted the tray of drinks and her free hand. “That seems like a bit of an overreaction, now doesn’t it?”

“(Y/F/N) (Y/L/N), correct?” he asked, shoving his gun into the back of his waistband.

“Why do you ask?”

He flashed a nondescript badge and clipped it back to his belt just as (Y/N) was trying to squint to read it.

“I have several questions you need to answer.”

“Who’s asking?”

“That’s need-to-know information, ma’am.”

“Okay, well I need to know, if you want me to answer your questions.”

The agent flushed red behind his shitty sports sunglasses. “What is your involvement with the Avengers?”

She decided to give him half the truth. “I’m one of Tony Stark’s assistants. Next.”

“You have ties to Hydra, correct?”

“Not that I know of.”

“There’s video evidence of you working with the Winter Soldier.”

“Where’d you get it from?”

“That’s classified.”

She raised her eyebrows. “But the Winter Soldier isn’t?”

“Well-”

“And if you already have such damning evidence, why do you need me to confirm anything?” She tilted her head to the side, but didn’t move otherwise. “Could it be you don’t actually have anything?”

His face turned three shades darker. “Why you-”

“I mean, I’m not actually guilty of anything, clearly. So I’m just gonna-” she pointed to the mouth of the alleyway- “head out.”

She left and returned to the tower to hand off Steve and Clint’s drinks. She apologized for them being cold, but Clint immediately drank his and Steve simply said he’d heat his up later.

Over the course of several weeks after that first incident, (Y/N) found that she was being followed by several different agents when she went out. She mentioned it briefly to Tony and began taking pictures of them when she had the opportunity. F.R.I.D.A.Y. was able to identify them and they all traced back to one person; Secretary Thaddeus Ross.

She immediately texted Bucky:

Hey, I’m being followed. I need a palace to lay low.. Do you trust yourself enough to help me?

The response was instantaneous:

When do you need to leave?

They decided she'd leave that night.

Steve walked in on her packing and just stared.

“What’s this?”

“I’m being followed. Something’s up.”

“Slow down.” He gently grabbed her wrists. “What’s going on?”

She sighed. “Three weeks ago I was followed out of that little cafe I like. Government agent. Couldn’t figure out what branch. I led him around in circles for a while, couldn’t lose him, and then he started asking all these questions about my affiliation with the Avengers and Hydra and Bucky and more of them just keep showing up whenever I leave the tower and I can’t take it anymore.”

“So you’re leaving?”

“I’ll be safe. Out of the public eye.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about.”

“I know. But I’m more worried about what’ll happen to you guys if I stick around. I mean… Secretary Ross is above the guys who’ve been following me, and that spells nothing but trouble.”

“We can help you, (Y/N).”

“Not without putting your own reputation on the line. And you guys are doing too much good to be dragged down by some ex-Hydra hero wannabe.”

“You’re sure about this?”

“I am. Something big’s on the way and you don’t need me under your feet when it happens.”

“Will you at least tell me where you’re going?”

“No, but you know who I’ll be with.”

“You’ve already spoken with him about this?” She nodded. “When do you leave?”

“Tonight.”

“So soon?”

(Y/N) shrugged and resumed her packing. “From what I can tell, whichever Agent-of-the-Day is following me is punching a time clock. They disappear after seven most nights and the next shift picks up some time before eight the next morning. The sooner I leave, the harder I can make it to follow me.”

“And if we need to find you?”

“You’ll figure something out.” She grinned at him. “You’re smarter than they are by a million.”

“I appreciate the confidence.”

“I’m serious about this though. And I’ll come back after whatever this is blows over. If we’re lucky, I won’t be alone when I do.”

“Just let me know when you’re settled, okay?”

She slipped her laptop into a backpack and crammed several shirts in on top of it. “I will.”

“Good. I want to know you’re safe.”

(Y/N) paused and looked him in the eye. “Y’know, sometimes I’m really glad you found me.”

Steve wrapped his arms around her and hummed softly. “So am I.”

She allowed herself to linger in the embrace for a moment before pushing him away and clearing her throat. Steve sat on the bed and watched her shovel a few more things into her bags before she tugged her coat on and reached for her backpack. He slung her duffel over his shoulder and walked with her to the elevator when she was ready to leave.

They stood in silence as she put on a stocking cap and carefully tucked her hair up into it. She put on a black medical mask and took her duffel from Steve when the elevator doors opened.

“Okay, well…” she slung the duffel over her shoulder and stepped into the waiting elevator. “I guess I’ll see you later then.”

Steve nodded. He didn’t leave until the doors closed.

(Y/N) spent a week traveling from New York to Bucharest, opting to travel by boat, train, and bus over planes. Bucky was waiting for her at the station when she arrived. (Y/N) approached tentatively, unsure of the reception she'd get. They stared at each other for a solid two minutes, each assessing their separate situations. When the corner of his mouth twitched up into the closest thing to a smile she'd ever seen from him, (Y/N) stepped forward and hugged him. He froze initially, but slowly wrapped his arms around her shoulders and relaxed in her hold.

"I've always secretly wanted to do this," she mumbled.

Bucky chuckled, the sound a warm rumble from deep in his chest. "I'm glad you got here safely." (Y/N) hummed. "You weren't followed, were you?"

"No. I think there might've been someone in Toronto, but they were easy to lose."

"Good."

He took her duffel bag and batted her hand away when she complained and tried to take it back. With (Y/N) tucked safely under his arm, Bucky led her back to his apartment.

(Y/N) sent Steve one quick text before permanently turning her phone off and removing the SIM card.

Arrived safely. We're fine. Don't look for us.

To (Y/N)’s surprise, and carefully hidden delight, they worked well together. There were no squabbles over who’s turn it was to cook or clean and they took weekly trips to the library and the market. They’d collapse on the couch together after a long day of errands and read. When they finished their books, they’d swap and settle back in.

In the beginning, (Y/N) slept on the couch. It was fine. Definitely not the worst back pain she’d experienced. But a month in, Bucky started having nightmares.

The first time it happened, she woke him up, calmed him down, and went back to the couch. The second time it happened three times in one night. She woke him up for the first and second and then crawled under the covers after waking him the third time.

“I could hurt you,” Bucky said. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.”

“(Y/N),” he warned.

“You won’t,” she repeated. She squeezed his hand. “Do you want me to leave?”

HIs eyes went wide. “No.”

“Then I won’t. And you won’t hurt me. The pact is sealed. You’re never getting rid of me. Okay?”

Bucky nodded. “Okay.”

“Good.” She shuffled closer and held his hand to her chest, fingers laced.

“Thank you, (Y/N),” he murmured.

“Thank you for accepting the help.” Bucky squeezed her hand and hooked one foot around her ankle. “Go to sleep, Buck.”

They had their routine. It wasn’t anything exciting, but it worked for them. It was comfortable. They liked it.

They had a year and some change of peace before Steve appeared in their kitchen.

(Y/N) had returned from the market early and he was flipping through one of Bucky’s journals.

“That’s not yours.” Steve turned to face her and placed the journal on the counter. “If this is your way of telling me I was right about Ross, it sucks.”

“Yes and no. Ross is involved, but there was an attack on the U.N. They think Bucky’s involved.”

(Y/N) scoffed. “That’s absurd. We haven’t left the city in well over a year.”

“Which is why I’m here. We-”

“(Y/N), we have a problem.” Bucky rushed into the apartment and thrust a newspaper at her. On the front was a blurry picture of someone who might’ve looked a little like Bucky, provided you could squint hard enough.

“Where’d they get this picture?” (Y/N) held the paper out to Steve. “And why the fuck didn’t you get here sooner?”

“I-I don’t know-”

(Y/N) didn't leave time for Steve to answer and plunged her incorporeal hand through the floorboards, only to pull two packs out a moment later. She handed one off to Bucky and looped the other around her arms.

She slipped the journal from the counter into Bucky’s pack and asked, “How much time do we have?”

“Not enough,” Steve said.

“Then we leave. Right now.”

And then all hell broke loose.

Somehow, (Y/N) wasn’t placed in a cell beside Bucky. Instead, she was escorted to a conference room with Steve and Sam. With the amount of anxiety surging through her, (Y/N)’s powers flickered and Steve had to stop her drumming on the table when her fingers started sinking into the wood. She’d been so focused on the monitor and Bucky that she hadn’t realized what she was doing, let alone the weird looks she was getting.

She was first through the door, or wall, rather, when the lights went out. Her goal was to intercept and distract him long enough for Steve to find them and get the hell out. She managed to calm him long enough to guide him away from Tony. The plan went to hell after she took a particularly heavy blow to the back of the head. She crumpled to the floor and lost consciousness soon after.

She woke to Sam’s hands around her arms. She quickly got to her feet and Sam explained the situation as he led her out of the building. Steve was waiting for them in a beat up Bug with Bucky, soaked and unconscious in the back seat. She stuck to him like glue even after he woke up.

The following days blurred together. If there weren’t security footage, she wouldn’t believe it actually happened.

(Y/N) was taken to the Raft after the airport battle.

She didn’t have it nearly as bad as Wanda, but they’d put the same shock collars on both of them. Once, her powers flickered during an anxiety attack and she nearly pissed herself with the amount of electricity coursing through her body. (Y/N) opted to sleep through most of her time there.

After Steve rescued them, (Y/N) finally let herself cry. Mourn what she and Bucky had lost in Bucharest. The home they'd worked so hard to balance between the two of them. The time she'd finally gotten back with him. But she didn't let herself wallow. She knew there was still work to be done, so she followed Steve wherever he needed her. And when Bucky was fully deprogrammed, she asked if she could be allowed to stay with him in Wakanda. Keep him company. T'Challa very kindly gave her permission to do so.

She had three months with him before he was gone again in a violent flurry of aliens and ash.

In the following five years, (Y/N) shut down. She went where she was needed and did as she was asked. She didn’t get her hopes up at the prospect of retrieving the Infinity Stones. Couldn’t celebrate when those they’d lost returned and joined them on the battlefield. Couldn’t celebrate their victory. All she felt capable of was mourning. Mourning Vision, Tony, Natasha… even inevitably losing Bucky again.

So to protect herself, after Tony’s funeral and Steve’s goodbye, she left. Found a little apartment for herself in the city and tried to start over.

In spite of her efforts to keep herself busy, the loneliness was unrelenting.

Coming home one day, her knees nearly gave out at the sound of his voice.

“What the hell, (Y/N)?”

----------

Part 3

Ah yes, the patented Erin Cliffhanger (not actually patented, I do not have that kind of money.) The final chapter will be up next week!

Until then, I’d love to know what you thought of this chapter! What do you think of the reader’s relationship with the other Avengers? What would you have done if you were the one living with Bucky in Bucharest? Be sure like reblog, comment, and/or shoot me an ask and tell me all about it!

Tag List:

@ghostlyhamlet, @claws-of-vibranium, @creaturefeatures101-blog, @imagine-assembling-the-avengers, @buckysendoftheline, @ptprocrastination, @1950schick, @amayasymone23, @arfrona-and-marvel, @ek823, @fanaticfangirl001, @furrywerewolfcollector, @kissofvenom922, @dawn-phantomhive, @fangirlwithasweettooth, @mairhof1, @starryeyesbadguys, @trap-house-homiecide, @buckywhitewolfbarnes, @kaepm981, @howdoesoneadult, @pcdmesamidala, @thefandomplace, @sian22redux, @skeletoresinthebasement, @lady-thor-foster, @feelmyroarrrr, @jazzcutie, @gaytonystark, @hermionie-is-my-queen, @darling-loki, @geeksareunique, @nyxveracity, @lemonadeorange73, @princess-unicorn124, @tofeartheunknown, @queenoftheunderdark, @avengerscompound

#bucky barnesxreader #readerxbucky barnes #bucy barnes x reader #reader x bucky barnes #buckybarnesxreader #readerxbuckybarnes #bucky barnes #the winter soldier #reader insert marvel fic

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rkived · 3 years

Text

━ CHASING PAVEMENTS 04 │ JJK

↳ PAIRING: dad!jk/married!jk/bff!jk x reader

↳ GENRE/TAGS: f2l, angst, unrequited feelings, cheating, future smut

↳ WARNINGS: (for this chapter) angst as per usual what’s new, jk is sad, reader is sad, sunhi is sad, everyone’s just SAD

↳ RATING: (for this chapter) PG

↳ WORD COUNT: 4k

↳ SYNOPSIS: Jungkook’s been feeling a little weird lately. Maybe it’s got something to do with his crumbling marriage and the way you seem to care for his daughter more than his own wife.

↳ A/N: ehem let’s pretend like i didn’t ghost this story for like half a year aha i’ve written more than this for cp but i decided to just divide it and leave the juicy stuff for the last chapter !! sorry for making u wait so long </3 anyway hope u enjoy still n i’ll see u in a couple months for the final chapter of cp!! (i’m jking…..or am i?)

01 02 03 04 05 (coming soon)

Minji thinks you’re starting to get better.

Well, she hopes you are because it’s been two months since you broke the news on her and anyone would think that’d it be long forgotten by now. She tries to stop as often as she can to check up on you, even though you assure her that you’re fine and that a simple text would suffice instead of having her come over every day in between.

Which is why she’s unsure if giving you the invitation Jungkook had handed her about two weeks ago was a good idea, considering that it’s been a few days since you had last even mentioned him to her like you usually did before. In fact, today you look like you’re at peace for the very first time.

‘‘I did yoga!’’ You explain when she mentions that you look different, ‘‘I still can’t face going back to Namjoon’s class, but I remember a ton of positions he taught us!’’

Minji has to force herself to smile, her hand lingers inside the purse she’s carrying as her fingers fiddle with the cardstock paper waiting patiently to be handed.

‘‘And then I stopped for some yogurt at the place down the─’’

‘‘I need to give this to you,’’ Minji stops your ramble and you’re taken aback by how urgent her voice sounds, very unlike her. ‘‘I promised I’d get this to you, so…’’

You’re about to ask her what she’s on about when she abruptly hands what you could make out to be a colorful piece of paper. Your eyebrows furrowed at the sight, completely confused until it suddenly hit you what it is that your friend’s talking about.

‘‘How did you─?’’

Minji gives you half a smile and shakes her hand so you can take the card instead of just staring at it, ‘‘Just─take it.’’

Your hand reaches out to grab it from her and your eyes quickly focus on the unicorn and sparkles themed birthday invite. It reads that it’s Sunhi’s birthday and that you are invited! You recognize the handwriting that filled the party’s information details, you always thought he had really nice penmanship.

‘‘I think you should go,’’ Minji’s voice sounds like she’s faraway, but she’s just a few feet away from you, ‘‘for Sunhi.’’

You’re still staring at the invitation, memorizing every single detail. There’s so many unicorns, when did she start liking the mythical creature? She had never mentioned a liking towards them to you ever. You assume it must’ve happened during these few months of your absence.

How many moments have you missed? How many unanswered questions must Sunhi have by now? How many new toys has she had to wait to show you? How many kindergarten stories has she been saving to tell you?

You’ve been counting. Sixty days have passed since you last saw Sunhi. It’s been seven Fridays since you last had her in your arms.

Sixty days and seven Fridays since you kissed Jungkook. Fifty-nine days since you blocked him.

Minji is still waiting for any sort of reaction from you. You’re stoically analyzing the piece of paper and she wonders what is it that you’re thinking or feeling. Is it good, bad or all in one? Whatever it is, her small deed is done.

‘‘Y/N?’’ She calls out, you slowly nod and take your eyes from the invitation from the first time since she gave it to you. ‘‘Do you mind if I go? I have some stuff to─’’

A small gasp escapes your lips, ‘‘Yes Minji, of course!’’ Your friend smiles slightly and you proceed to escort her out your apartment. She actually doesn’t have anything to do, but she thinks it’s best if you get some space to take everything in.

Minji notices how you’re still holding on to the birthday invite and she has to suppress a chuckle because she knows you’re most likely doing this absentmindedly.

Before you’re able to thank her for coming, she stops you to say one last thing. ‘‘If you don’t want to go, then don’t,’’ she begins and your eyebrows raise at your friend’s comment. ‘‘Whatever it is that you decide on doing, I’ll support you either way,’’ Minji offers you a genuine smile and you can’t help but hug her tightly.

You’re alone again. Loneliness has come in waves as of lately. You’ve lived alone for years now, you’re used to being the only person present in your apartment ─ but that fact hasn’t felt more obvious than since you shunned Jungkook out.

Good days eventually turn sour. The times where it seems like you can go on about your life without thinking about him and what he might be up to quickly change because your mind makes you feel bad about feeling good.

Why did you cut him off knowing his daughter idolizes you like no other? Why did you selfishly decide to block him when you could’ve just talked it out? Why didn’t you stop him that night if you knew things would change between you two? Why did you let him kiss you knowing it was going to hurt in the end?

You know Sunhi’s fourth birthday is coming up. It’s one of those dates you can’t simply forget, it comes naturally to you. You had settled with the idea that you weren’t going to be invited this time around, it would’ve been okay since you think it’s what you deserve anyway. If Jungkook had taken you off the guest list, he was in his total right to do so.

You want to be mad at him right now.

Why would he invite you? Why couldn’t he just leave things the way they were? You wish you were angry, but you’re not. You feel slightly comforted with the fact that he had decided to include you even with everything that went down. In fact, not inviting you would’ve been selfish knowing that Sunhi must want you there.

And if the invitation wasn’t enough of a sign that you should go, two days ago you got an email that the gift you had preordered for Sunhi some time ago was on its way to your place. Just in time for her birthday party.

That’s life for you.

You’re quick to remind yourself of Minji’s last words to you. You’re not obligated to go and if you don’t want to, then you don’t have to. But you’d be lying if you said that because you really want to go, but there’s still some things that are holding you back. Your brain starts breaking down the pros and cons of going.

The pros: You’d get to see Sunhi again, who you missed terribly and a tiny part of you was wishing that she didn’t hate you for suddenly leaving. It’s too much to ask for, but you do hope that Jungkook had come up with something instead of telling her upfront that you had left.

The cons: You’d have to see Jungkook. Having to face the awkwardness of knowing you had blocked his number, prohibiting him from contacting you and discussing what happened like adults would do.

Oh, and you’d see Jiwoo too and pretend like you didn’t have any romantic feelings for her husband.

Whatever decision it is, you’d only have two days to decide.

Jungkook smiled warmly as he looked at Sunhi twirling in her green and purple dress in front of the long length mirror in his bedroom. Ever since he got the garment in the mail, he had to hide it from her curious hands because if it were up to her she’d be wearing it day and night.

‘‘Daddy, I look so cute!’’ Sunhi said with an excited tone, hopping in her place. The tull of her skirt followed her movements, making the glittery details sparkle brightly caused by the natural sunlight slipping through the curtain cracks.

He chuckled, ‘‘You do, Pumpkin, but you need to settle down.’’ Jungkook placed his hands on her tiny shoulders, making his daughter’s bouncing cease. ‘‘You gotta be fully energized for the party, alright?’’ She nodded quickly, but he could still feel the excitement radiate from her.

‘‘Gramma will do my braid, daddy.’’ Sunhi let him know once she noticed her father take a brush in his hand. The little girl much rather have her hair tangled in knots than having him attempt to do any sort of hairstyles on her.

Jungkook pouts, but nods understanding. He’s thankful that his parents had made the trip from Busan this year. He knows his mother knew he would have a hard time setting everything up by himself this time around. His parents would normally miss Sunhi’s parties due to the distance, but he’d make it up to them by visiting the following weekend and doing a smaller gathering at their house instead.

Things feel different. One could say that this time, everything is exactly where it should be. Sunhi’s growing older, his parents are here and not far away like usual, Jiwoo’s no longer in the picture, he’s picking back up the things that used to make him happy. There’s just a missing piece that doesn’t allow him to declare the puzzle’s finished.

And his daughter hasn’t really been helpful in allowing him to forget about it either.

‘‘Daddy, is Auntie Y/N going to come?’’ She asked for what seemed the thousandth time that week alone. The younger girl only wanted to make sure you’re coming even though her father had reassured her that you might be making an appearance.

Jungkook hummed, pursing his lips together, ‘‘Well, I don’t know if Auntie Y/N will manage to catch her flight in time for your party, but hopefully she’ll come,’’ he painfully lied and Sunhi nodded with a pout, she was hoping she’d get a different answer this time around, but still settles with her father’s explanation.

Ever since you left, it had been part of her daily routine to ask about you and your whereabouts. Jungkook hated lying to his daughter, but he knew that even if he were to explain the ending of your friendship, she wouldn’t be able to understand. He had foolishly hoped that after telling her, repeatedly, that you had been out of the country because of your job, Sunhi would get the clue that you showing up at her birthday party was very unlikely.

He can’t blame her because he’s also been hoping that you’ll show up for whatever reason. Jungkook’s aware that Minji had made no promises of you attending, but that little bit of faith he still had, clung onto you tightly.

He’s let go of so many things recently, but he refuses to add you to that painful list.

‘‘I miss Auntie Y/N,’’ Sunhi mumbled to herself, but Jungkook heard her clearly and his heart shattered at the longing in his daughter’s voice.

That’s why he’s relieved that she’s now running around the yard with her friends from the kindergarten she attends, screaming in glee as they all chase each other around the grass. The PinkFong playlist he had put together earlier that week has been a hit with the children, who danced and sang along to the lyrics; although some parents might’ve gotten tired of hearing the infantile music after a while. Jungkook himself is part of the people who much rather listen to something else, but it’s worth it if it means he catches Sunhi humming along to the tunes every once in a while.

Having to entertain the parents has taken his mind off of knowing you’re not there. The party started two hours ago and you’re never late for anything, especially his daughter’s birthday celebrations. He’s settling with the idea that you’re no longer coming while he dabbles in serving food and refilling drinks, all the while having to make conversation with the parents of the invited kids.

He can feel just how bad they feel for him, the word’s gotten around the PTA committee that he’s in the process of divorcing while taking full custody of his daughter.

‘‘Jungkook, how are you doing?’’ One of the invited moms asked him with a tactful tone, accompanied by a gentle smile that made him feel like a child for a mere moment. With a smile that could put anyone’s worries at ease, Jungkook assured her ─and the rest of the worrying mothers─ that he was doing just fine.

It’s Sunhi’s day, it’s her party, a few more hours and you can cry all about it when she’s sleeping, had become his mantra as the party goes on.

‘‘What’s with the long face?’’ His mother suddenly asks him after he finishes placing the candles on Sunhi’s unicorn themed cake.

Jungkook furrows his brows, ‘‘The unicorn’s face looks pretty alright to me,’’ he comments looking at the fondant shaped mythical creature at the top of the cake.

Mrs. Jeon rolls her eyes, shaking her head slightly at his son’s obliviousness, ‘‘I’m talking about your long face. Is everything alright?’’ She asks in genuine concern, making him sigh as he scratches the back of his neck. ‘‘It’s not because of Jiwoo, right?’’ The woman cautiously asks, afraid the mention of her son’s ex partner might be too sensitive.

The news of the divorce had surprised his parents, but they weren’t completely heartbroken about it. They had known her for years, but it had never been a close relationship at that. His mother had made a couple of comments here and there before concerning his ex partner’s behavior, but were always overlooked by Jungkook.

Jungkook’s eyebrows raise in surprise and he quickly shakes his head no, ‘‘I’m fine, mom. I’m just kinda tired.’’

For someone who hates lying, he’s been doing it a lot recently.

His mother doesn’t seem so sure about his answer, but decides not to interrogate him any further since she knows her son has been dealing with too much recently and she didn’t want to add her nagging to the list.

Eventually the party guests all sing happy birthday to Sunhi as she sits behind her cake clapping alongside them, mumbling the famous song as she waits for everyone to finish so she can blow the four candles out and make a wish. She closes her eyes with force, putting her hands together as the guests watch her silently mouth words out.

‘‘What did you wish for, Sunhi?’’ One of the kids excitedly asks her, fingers curling around her arm as he waits for her to answer.

Sunhi hmphs and turns her face away from him, ‘‘If I say it out loud it won’t come true!’’

Jungkook can only hope his daughter had asked for something he’s able to buy. The newest Barbie doll, a trip to the zoo, that pretty tutu she saw at the store. Anything that is at arm’s reach from him to give her. But Jungkook knows his daughter all too well, those things don’t really matter to her right now.

Sunhi’s wish is something he can’t obtain ─ someone that’s no longer a call away from him. His daughter doesn’t know, but he’s wished for the same thing too.

You to come back.

The small pieces of confetti on the ground, paper decorations pasted on the wall and hanging from the ceiling of the house are enough to give away that a party had happened the day before, and that someone had been too tired by the end of it to even attempt to clean up.

Even the thought of having to deal with all of the mess that his living room currently looks like is already making Jungkook regret not accepting his mother’s willingness to help after the party had ended yesterday, assuring her that she had done enough that day and that it was only fair he took care of the cleaning.

Sunhi’s birthday had gone smoothly for the most part.

And as Jungkook scrolls through his phone’s gallery, smiling warmly at the small clips he managed to capture of his gleeful daughter running around the yard with her friends and the multitude of pictures his mother took of her blowing the candles of the cake out, granted, majority of them blurry, he is reminded that, although the party had been a success, the aftermath hadn’t been as pretty.

The party was over when he started hearing the first goodbyes and thankful comments of the parents for inviting them over, wishing Sunhi a final happy birthday before they took their sleepy kids in their arms. He had hoped his daughter would be drained too, despite the amount of sugar she had a few hours before.

‘‘Auntie Y/N didn’t come.’’ Sunhi had stated, a pout on her trembling lips as she looked up at her tired father. ‘‘Why didn’t she come?’’ She asked in genuine curiosity as her eyes started glossing with tears.

Jungkook sighed, ‘‘Pumpkin, I told you she’s not in town. I’m sorry she─’’ It didn’t matter what excuse he had given her, the waterworks had begun. He hadn’t seen his daughter cry like that in a long time and for a moment, he didn’t know what to do to get her to stop.

Even if he tried to coax her with distractions, like the number of gifts she had received from the guests or telling her he’d let her have another slice of cake if she stopped crying. He knew that what his daughter wanted wasn’t toys or food. She wanted you. And as much as Jungkook wants you just as much, he’s lost on ways to make you come back.

Sunhi cried for what seemed like hours, his parents had even tried to cheer the little girl up by promising to take her to their house the very next morning for the rest of the weekend, to which she merely nodded as she fell asleep from exhaustion on her father’s chest.

He envied her as he remained awake for most of the night, tears streaming down his face as guilt ate him away for his daughter’s heartbreak.

It’s his fault after all.

Jungkook isn’t upset you didn’t show up, you didn’t have to. Not even Sunhi could make you come back. Selfishly kissing you that night had changed the course of your relationship forever and that meant that his daughter would have to pay for his wrongdoings.

With the absence of Sunhi, he’s reminded of just how big his house feels when he’s by himself. Ever since Jiwoo moved out, the only company he’s had is that of his daughter and it’s more than enough. With her dancing around the hallways and singing songs to the top of her lungs, Jungkook doesn’t feel as lonely.

He must’ve missed the knocking at the door or the ringing doorbell ─if there even was one─ because of the earphones he had on while he swept the confetti paper scattered on the hardwood floor of his home because by the time he opens his door to get a run around the neighborhood, he notices there’s a gift placed in his front doorstep.

Jungkook’s brows furrow with confusion, unsure of why it was there in the first place. He’s sure Sunhi had opened all of her gifts last night, lazily and not very excited about them after her big cry, but she had made sure to leave them all unwrapped.

The medium-sized box is wrapped with a white and pink polka-dot paper, a cute golden ribbon placed right in the middle of it. Jungkook picks it up, bringing it closer for better inspection. Maybe it was from one of the kids that couldn’t make it? Although, they could’ve just gave it to Sunhi when they saw her at school again.

His eyes widen and his heartbeat races up when he reads the sticker tag with the name of the person responsible for the gift.

‘‘To: Sunhi ♡

From: Auntie Y/N’’

His eyes scan the tag over and over again, just to make sure he’s reading the name correctly. When he manages to take his attention away from it, he looks around the street in hopes that he’d find you.

How long has this been out here? Could he have caught a glimpse of you had he been less distracted?

Although it feels wrong to open his daughter’s gift without her consent, he feels the urgent need to peek at what’s inside. His mind even tries to reason with himself, telling him it’s probably only a doll or a clothing item, like the other gifts Sunhi had received from the birthday guests yesterday.

With a click of his tongue, he forgoes doing the right thing and tells himself that he’ll just wrap the gift again before Sunhi comes back from his parent’s house.

The cute wrapping paper is thrown over his shoulder carelessly as he quickly unveils a white cardboard box, tilting his head slightly at what could possibly be inside. When he takes the top off, a soft gasp escapes his lips.

A pink and white digital camera aimed for children lies inside, there’s decorative paper placed around it and a note inside. Jungkook swallows the lump in his throat, taking it delicately in his hand as he reads the words written in the familiar handwriting that hasn’t changed from all those years back in college.

‘‘Happy 4th birthday, Sunhi! Since you’re growing older, I wanted to gift you something different this year around. Your daddy loves taking videos and I thought you should start doing it too, maybe he’ll pick his camera back up again haha. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to see you blow your candles out, I hope all your wishes come true! I love you and miss you so much,

-Auntie Y/N’’

Jungkook blinks back the tears that had formed in the corners of his eyes. He places the note back inside the box and breathes in deeply, exhaling slowly as he stares at the gift. No one but you could come up with an idea like this. It hurts him, but he smiles slightly at your thoughtfulness.

A different feeling arises inside him as he holds the gift in his hand, looking at it like this is the sign he had been sent from above. The last thread of his string of faith. He doesn’t even think twice, placing the gift gently inside and rushing to step outside to close the door.

He’ll go on that run, just not around his neighborhood.

As he runs past rows of houses and stores, the voice inside his head tries to tell him that he should think rationally. There’s a reason why you didn’t show up yesterday and another for you dropping the gift in front of his house without a sound. You don’t want to see him and yet he’s running straight towards you even if he knows this is hopeless.

He manages to shut that voice off as he maintains his rapid pace, rushing past the rows of buildings he’s familiar with and the street names he’s memorized by now. It all feels so different when he’s not behind the wheel, he usually always has to depend on his GPS to help him reach places. Your address, though, is one he proudly knows by heart.

As Jungkook stands outside your apartment building, he stares at it with the sound of his heart drumming inside his ears. Catching his breath, he’s reminded of the many times these past few months he’s been here, with Sunhi fast asleep in her car seat at the back.

He always pictured going up, knocking at your door, and begging for forgiveness, all for you to turn him down in the end with a gut-wrenching I don’t want you in my life anymore and a door closing on his face. That’s why he always drove away, deciding that uncertainty is better than hearing you reject him.

This time, though, nervous and unsure as he usually is when he comes here, Jungkook breathes in deep and ignores the familiar knot formed inside his stomach.

He decides that uncertainty isn’t a feeling he wishes upon you.

#heartsforbts #bangtanhq #btswritingcafe #btswriterscollective #btsghostie #jungkook fic #jungkook angst #jungkook fanfic #jungkook smut #jungkook scenario #jungkook fluff #jungkook imagine

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spanishskulduggery · 3 years

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Hi, I'm the anon who wanted to learn some basic Spanish and I'm looking for grammars

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So my first recommendation is for www.studyspanish.com/grammar because they have a really good intro to the basics of pretty much all of the grammar (minus some more advanced things)

Also I would recommend: https://tildesites.bowdoin.edu/~eyepes/newgr/ats/

And I can't go over every single piece of grammar in Spanish but I will do a very bare bones overview of the major tenses/moods that you'll find in Spanish and a basic explanation of them

If you're a beginner a lot of this may go over your head until you're there but I'm not totally sure of anyone's level so!

Strap in everyone, it's a long post again and I'm going to explain like a solid 65% of the most important Spanish grammar concepts including tenses and moods, and even I think I need a read more for this one.

I didn't include things like concordancia "agreement (between nouns/adjectives)" and other fundamentals because I assume you probably are aware of those and so I'm focusing more on verbs and tenses/moods, but if you are a total beginner I'm more than happy to discuss the fundamentals in more depth

As always if anyone has any questions on anything I've mentioned here specifically, please let me know. I have no problem delving deeper into specific concepts but this is just a general overview of most of the big grammar concepts you're going to come across as you learn Spanish.

First things first, they don't totally teach you this in Spanish, you kind of just have to figure it out yourself or delve into it later on by yourself but there are tenses and moods. I mean they teach you that there are tenses, but they don't totally explain the idea behind tenses and moods and I think it helps to know them to keep them straight.

It's not required learning but it is helpful for overall concepts. It is required learning if you're going more into the linguistics side of things though, but practically speaking you don't really need to know what a mood is to use subjunctive, but I find it helps.

What is a linguistic mood?

In Spanish a mood [modo or "mode"] refers to the ways in which grammar should be used. The moods encompass the tenses themselves.

There are three moods, and really you only need to worry about two.

There's the indicative, subjunctive, and the imperative.

Getting imperative out of the way real quick, it's commands. Commands are very easy to spot because they boil down to affirmative commands ["do it"] vs. negative commands ["don't do it"]. There are some things to mention with imperative but I'll do that towards the very end for miscellaneous grammar concepts

Indicative mood is hard to explain linguistically. It's honestly mostly defined as "not subjunctive or imperative". This is default explanation of things. Most of the tenses are indicative - present, preterite, imperfect, future, conditional.

Subjunctive mood is harder to explain but really important. It doesn't totally exist in English, at least not in a noticeable way so it's something that people really struggle with. Subjunctive mood is usually described as the mood you use for desires, wishes, polite requests, imposition of will, hypotheticals etc

You usually find that subjunctive is 1 of 2 things. It's usually either a kind of imposition of will, where it's one subject making a wish/request or imposition on another subject like quiero que hables "I want you to speak"....... or it's subjunctive clauses. Subjunctive clauses tend to be kinds of conditions, that something will happen once a condition is met; "until", "unless", "so that", "as long as", "provided that", "even if", "as if it were"... Those are kinds of subjunctive clauses.

Some subjunctive clauses make more sense than others for English speakers. It can be its own sort of topic.

...

A Tense on the other hand [tiempo or "time"] in Spanish refers to the time in which grammar is used.

A mood is used to explain the way in which Spanish gets used, but a tense determines if you're talking about it being past, present, or future... or something in between.

You can usually divide the tenses between past, present, or future. There are some "in-betweeners" which I'll mention in miscellaneous but in general it's like this:

Present [things happening now at this very moment] = Present Tense, Present Subjunctive

Past [things that happened or things started in the past (either completed actions or ones that may still be going on)] = Preterite, Imperfect, Imperfect Subjunctive

Future [things that will happen or have the ability to happen] = Future, Conditional, Future Subjunctive [*obsolete now mostly], Imperfect Subjunctive [sometimes] .......also ir + a + infinitivo expressions are somewhere between present tense and future, it's a thing, we'll get there

Again, tenses don't have much to do with the imperative mood because a true command is always "do it" or "don't do it" at that moment. If you're saying "I want them to do it" or "I wanted them to do it" that becomes subjunctive.

Present

The present tense is probably the most important tense because it encompasses a lot of things and it isn't always talked about fully. Plus it's the tense you use the most.

The present tense as the name implies talks about things happening now. Most of your declarative statements are things happening in the present. "I am", "you have", "we are here", "it is blue", etc tend to be present tense

The other facets of present tense are what make it more important than most tenses. In present tense there are two other important functions: "continuous present" and "short-term future"

Continuous present is synonymous with the gerund/progressive forms which I'll talk about more below in miscellaneous. What continuous present means is that you may be translating it as the -ing forms in your head. For example: leo may be "I read" as a present tense declarative statement like leo mucho "I read a lot"... or it could be leo "I am reading" depending on context. It's very subtle but something like leo el libro could be "I read the book" OR "I am reading the book". If you knocked on someone's door you would hear ya voy "I'm coming (right away)"

With the gerund forms, you are specifically talking about something happening right at that moment. But it is a function of present tense as well. Both are correct, mostly synonymous, and useful in their own ways but I mention it because it isn't often mentioned

There also exists a facet of present tense that is understood as "short-term future". There exists the possibility to use present tense to talk about things you plan on doing shortly or things that will happen in the very near future. This is somewhat different than ir + a + infinitive forms since those can be in any tense. It's just something to be aware of.

Preterite

Preterite tense (also called simple past) is nice and easy. It exists only in the past tense and it's for completed actions.

The hallmark of preterite is that they're actions rather than descriptions, and often involve set time phrases like ayer "yesterday", antiayer/antier "the day before yesterday", anoche "last night" or they include things like times, dates, days, or implied time frames

Think of preterite as "I did it", no muss no fuss

Imperfect

Imperfect tense is all muss and fuss

In linguistic senses, "imperfect" means "not yet completed", or "not yet past". You see it used for description rather than concrete actions and so it is very commonly used for narration and description; telling time in the past, talking about something's appearance or moods, and uninterrupted actions

In the context of preterite vs imperfect the very basic (possibly too reductionist, even) is that the imperfect tense is often used to set up a situation while preterite marks the action that interrupts the setting

In other words; dormía y sonaba el teléfono "I was sleeping and the phone was ringing" is all imperfect and it seems to imply the sleep was not interrupted. Saying dormía y sonó el teléfono is a mix of preterite and imperfect "I was sleeping and the phone rang". It stops being description and marks an "interruption" and if I read that, I would assume either "I" woke up, or we're paying special attention to the fact that the phone rang, and that it's not just casual description

Just like present tense, imperfect tense can be used as "continuous past"... saying leía could be "I read" [past] or "I was reading" [past continuous]. You could also say leí "I read" for preterite, though that's a completed action. Saying leía "I read" sounds more like description to me

You will also find that imperfect tense is used for "used to" to describe habitual things. This can be done with the verb soler [which only really exists in present tense as "to be in the habit of" or in imperfect "used to"]. Imperfect is a simpler way but it is important to note.

So for example: iba a la playa could be "I went to the beach" [description], "I was going to the beach" [continuous", OR it could be "I used to go to the beach" [habit that may or may not continue]

You often see this "used to" with certain time phrases or something qualifying it like cuando era niño/a "when I was a kid" or something like that. It's just important to note because saying something like vivía en Londres could be "I lived in London" or "I used to live in London"... If you saw it as vivía en Londres cuando era joven "I lived in London when I was young(er)" is more specifically a "used to" sort of phrase.

Future

Future tense is exactly what it sounds like

Actions that will happen in a long-term setting. Things that WILL happen, that imply more certainty.

You'll also want to note that it means "shall" as well. It's less common in English to say that, but in older texts and especially the Bible you're going to see future tense like that... no matarás is "thou shalt not kill", literally "you will not kill"... same with no robarás "thou shalt not steal"

Depending on tone, you might see no volveré translated as "I will not return / I won't return" or "I shall not return / I shan't return". Future tense has a sense of finality to it, very much like preterite does in past.

In general I would say that the future tense is unremarkable and kinder to non-native speakers, but do note that there are Spanish speakers who sometimes use future tense the way English might use present tense; serás idiota for example is a way to say "you're an idiot" rather than eres idiota (present tense)

I would say think of that particular expression as "stating the obvious" or "it's a foregone conclusion"... I only mention it because in some countries, especially Spain, you will see future tense used like that sometimes

Present Subjunctive

Present subjunctive is subjunctive mood that takes place either in the present, or the short-term future. It carries that same continuous and short-term future vibe

Again, subjunctive typically works with a set of 2 clauses [that is, two different subjects and verbs] with an imposition of will in some way... or subjunctive clauses. These just happen to be in present

So for example; quieren que (yo) hable con ella "they want me to talk to her"... has two clauses [ellos/ellas quieren and then yo hable] with a kind of imposition of will

This is common for polite requests or someone giving orders; exige que hagamos la tarea "he/she demands we do the homework"

Subjunctive clauses in present are more straightforward once you know the clauses: sea lo que sea "whatever it is / whatever it may be", or para que sepas "so that you know", or antes (de) que te vayas "before you leave"

Conditional + Imperfect Subjunctive

These two are often taught together and for good reason

The conditional tense is indicative, but it talks about something that will happen... as long as a condition has been met. It can be a little harder to nail down, but in "if/then" statements, conditional is the "then"

Conditional talks about things in the future and that can make it difficult for English speakers because we use the same conjugations for multiple things.... podía hacerlo "I could do it" is imperfect so it's past, it means I had the ability to do it... and podría hacerlo "I could do it" is future, so it talks about something you do have the ability to do, but you haven't done it yet

Though I do need to say that "should" is usually either in present tense or conditional: debo decir "I should say" or "I must say"....

But then no debería haberlo dicho "I shouldn't have said that". That kind of should is very often conditional and that can be weird for people

The main thing to know is that conditional isn't unlikely or doubtful, it just hasn't happened yet... but it COULD.

Imperfect subjunctive on the other hand is a very wide topic. What you need to know for this to make sense is that once upon a time in Spanish imperfect subjunctive was used for the past tense subjunctive [imperfect being "not yet complete", again]... and then you had a separate branch of subjunctive that was more future and that would have been your hypothetical situations and contrary to fact statements

Today the same tense pulls double duty so that's why it's a big topic

You'll see it for past tense subjunctive: querían que hablara con ella "they wanted me to speak with her"

But you'll also see it for more nebulous or doubtful futures. This is the kind of imperfect subjunctive that gets used with conditional tense.

In "if/then" statements, imperfect subjunctive is the "if". And that's what we mean by hypotheticals and "contrary to fact statements"

si fuera jefe/jefa "if I were the boss" is your if statement. I would call this contrary to fact. It implies "I" am not the boss

The "then" would be in conditional because you're talking about some condition being met... si fuere jefe/jefa, no lo haría "if I were the boss, I wouldn't do it"

Or, si tuviera dinero, viajaría en el extranjero "if I had the money, I would travel abroad". You can translate it as "if I were to have".

But don't hate on Spanish for doing this. English does it too. We say "if I was president" and "if I were president" and they both mean a contrary to fact future.

...Oh also I should mention that if you look up imperfect subjunctive conjugation you'll find two forms. So like you'll see hablara, hablaras, hablara, hablaran, habláramos... and you will see hablase, hablases, hablase, hablasen, hablásemos

Both conjugations are correct, but there's a lot of history involved in this that I can't totally get into without it being a big discussion.

Suffice it to say, it's historical, and Latin America tends to use the -ara and -iera forms for both. Spain makes more of a distinction, where they'll use -ara/-iera for past subjunctive, but use -ase/-iese more for the hypothetical subjunctive

So just as an example: both Spain and Latin America would say querían que lo hiciera "they wanted me to do it" because that's past subjunctive

But Latin America would say si tuviera dinero, compraría una casa "if I had money I would buy a house"...

And Spain would more often say si tuviese dinero, compraría una casa "if I had money I would buy a house"

Again, both are totally fine, but I personally don't use the -ase/-iese forms very much in my own life. I see and read them more than I use them myself, but I'm also in the United States and not Spain.

And that's your bare bones overview of the tenses and moods

I'll also just include some other key miscellaneous grammatical concepts real quick:

Silent Subject (sujeto tácito)

This is very basic and not talked about often, but in English we're taught that we always need to put the pronouns in our sentences. It's always "I do this" and "you do that"

And that makes sense for us because our conjugations have less variation; "do" could be anyone

But in Spanish, it's not as common to include the subject because the subject is often implies by the verb. If hablo only exists for yo, and hablamos is always nosotros/nosotras... then mentioning the pronoun seems irrelevant because it was implied

However, habla and hablan are different; habla could be "him" or "her" or "it" or even usted. And hablan could be multiple people but is it ellos or ellas or ustedes?

It becomes more common to mention the subject if there's a chance you'll be misunderstood

The general rule is you mention your subject and the verb... and you continue on until your subject changes and then you mention a new subject so no one's confused

As an example; ella habla con Marco y siempre menciona sus amigos y familia, pero Marco no habla mucho sobre su vida personal "she talks to Marco and always mentions her friends and family, but Marco doesn't talk much about his personal life"

When it's obvious like yo [except in certain tenses], you rarely mention the subject. Saying something like yo hago la tarea, yo limpio la sala, yo leo el libro doesn't come across as "I do the homework, I clean the room, I read the book"...... it comes across as "I am the one who does the homework, I am the one who cleans the room, I am the one who reads the book"

When you mention the subject over and over when it's obvious it sounds either like bragging like "look at all the things I do aren't I great!", or it sounds like complaining "I'm the one who did this, I'm the one who did that, not you, it was me"

When it's obvious you tend to keep the subject out. But you can put it in when you want some emphasis! Such as yo mando aquí "I'm the one in charge here / I give the orders around here"... which is kind of like if you'd italicized or bolded the "I/I'm" there

Infinitives

Infinitives are the dictionary form of verbs, you probably know that already even if you didn't know what they were called

They're unconjugated so the show up ending in their -ar, -ir, or -er forms... hablar, vivir, comer for example

By themselves you read them like... hablar "to speak/talk"; that's what I mean by dictionary forms

When you come across multiple verbs together, one is conjugated and the other tends to be in either infinitive (or gerund but that's next)

So, quiero aprender "I want to learn", quiero nadar "I want to swim", or quiero aprender a nadar "I want to learn to swim" for example

Also be aware that infinitives can be used as the noun forms of verbs. That is, they are "the action or result of a verb". In English we tend to translate them as the progressive forms, but in Spanish the gerund is a verb conjugation implying motion or continuation

For example: errar es humano, perdonar es divino "to err is human, to forgive divine".

Or hablar es fácil pero escuchar me cuesta "speaking is easy but listening is difficult for me"

Gerund/Progressive

The gerund form (also called progressive) is the equivalent of the -ing forms in English

In Spanish they usually end in -ando, -iendo, sometimes -yendo, and there are a few weird ones here and there because of irregular verbs

They're different somewhat in that in Spanish, gerund is a form of motion or movement in some way, so we don't use them quite the same way that Spanish does - see above with infinitive

You're using this when you're specifically talking about something in the moment.

Very often you're going to see gerund forms either by themselves, or you'll see them with the verbs estar, ir, andar, seguir, continuar or some kind of verb of motion or continuation

As an example teniendo esto en cuenta "keeping that in mind"

Or... estoy aprendiendo "I am learning", voy aprendiendo "I'm learning" [as in "it's a process and I'm in the middle of it" or "I keep on learning and I am making progress"], or sigo aprendiendo "I'm still learning".

Additionally you can see infinitive and gerund used together in some cases: quiero seguir aprendiendo a nadar "I want to keep learning to swim"

Past Participles

The past participles are other conjugations of verbs

While the infinitive is the noun form of a verb, a participle is the adjectival form of a verb

These mostly end in either -ado or -ido... although there's a whole host of irregular ones that you need to memorize

By themselves they can be just straight up adjectives and can lead into the passive voice... or just used by themselves

dicho eso "that said / that being said" where dicho is the past participle of decir

Or something like limpiado "cleaned" is the past participle form of limpiar "to clean"; and you could say el suelo limpiado "the cleaned floor" or la ventana limpiada "the cleaned window"

Past participles lead straight into passive voice, or the perfect tenses

Perfect Tenses

Speaking of the perfect tenses, these are "tenses" that are sort of their own thing but they use forms of the verb haber + past participles

The perfect tense is like a time traveler. It can exist in any tense and any mood (minus imperative). It's function is to make everything just a little more past tense

Again, if "imperfect" means "not yet completed"... then "perfect" means "already completed", since it literally means "done thoroughly"

The perfect tenses make use of haber and you most frequently are going to see present perfect and the pluperfect [sometimes called pluscuamperfecto which is "more than perfect"... aka "past-er than past"]

These follow very closely with English.

he hablado is "I have spoken/talked" (present perfect), and había hablado is "I had spoken/talked" (pluperfect)

The goal of perfect tenses is to make everything a little bit past tense while still keeping the impact of it in the present which is why I say it's a time traveler.

Instead of hablé "I spoke" you're saying he hablado "I have spoken", which means that you're now reporting on what happened once you did it. Maybe you're saying "I've talked with them and this is how it happened" or "I've already talked to them and it made no difference". Either way you're reporting on a past event but it still has bearing on the present.

Pluperfect is the same just more past. You're using the imperfect form of haber + past participle and it's very common in 3rd person narration. This is something that someone "had done". It's still got some bearing on the present but the action took place further in the past

había hablado con él antes "I had spoken with him before" makes it sound like you're reaching further into the past, but you're still going to report on how it went

But like I said, they could be used in any tense or mood except imperative; si lo hubiera/hubiese sabido, no lo habría hecho "if I had known, I wouldn't have done it"

Indirect Commands

Indirect commands are the murky space between the subjunctive and imperative moods

It's very simple though. It's basically you're telling someone else to have something be done. Kind of like delegating a command.

que canten for example is "let them sing", but it could be translated as "sing" as a plural command... it's sort of like pointing to someone and being like "I want them to sing" or "go tell them to sing"

Indirect commands are more polite than regular commands. A command can be rather brusque and impolite, depending on how it's said or phrased. Indirect commands are just nicer.

Instead of hazlo "do it" you might soften it with que lo hagas "go ahead and do it"

Indirect commands can be more impersonal and distant however. They can be used as a more... patronizing tone almost? For example: que así sea is "so be it". Literally that's "let it be so"

"We" Commands

The "we" commands are technically imperative mood but I mention them separately because they show up a lot as "let's"

For example hablemos con ella "let's talk to her"

Or something like seamos amables "let's be nice"; no seamos crueles "let's not be cruel"

It's a less common type of command, where you're part of the nosotros group, but also issuing a command to everyone else in the nosotros group

Sometimes the "we" commands are done just with present tense, but there's always the option: nos vamos could be "we're going" but may be "let's go"... while vámonos is "let's go" specifically

Oh did I mention you can stick object pronouns and reflexives onto these? Because you definitely can; hagámoslo "let's do it" or hagámonoslo "let's do it (for ourselves)"

The next ones are bigger and more confusing so I'm just going to attach my tags and other things that might help if that's okay because they are important but they're big and confusing:

Active Voice vs. Passive Voice

Indirect Objects

Direct Objects

Reflexives / Pronomials Additional reflexive stuff Dativo ético which is very advanced and confusing but involves reflexives so I will include it but just be aware it's like advanced advanced stuff

This is also not including spelling changes for stem-changing verbs and verbs with certain endings like -car, -gar, -zar.

And I also didn't mention irregular verbs just in general so they're really that's more of a linguistic thing. I can just tell you some verbs are irregular and require memorization so you get the spelling right and so you sound smart

I also didn't include por and para because good lord that is a huge topic and very confusing for people so really just better for me to link to more info on it rather than try to explain it because it's hard to do briefly in a way that feels complete and makes sense

Also I didn't include different verbal expressions like tener expressions. Those are important but sort of separate grammar concepts in my mind. If you've studied other Romance Languages you probably have seen them and are familiar, but it's more of a translation thing because English speakers are more likely to say "I am hungry" rather than "I have hunger" for example.

#Spanish #learning Spanish #reference #langblr #language #languages #la gramatica

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