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#something that the entire leaf village just decided to never discuss again immediately after it reached its horrifying conclusion
panharmonium · 3 years
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the other thing that i keep thinking about, especially now that i’ve been knee-deep in conversation about kakashi’s father for the last couple days, is the amount of politically/socially-charged context kakashi must be constantly navigating as a leaf shinobi, even though we don’t get to see much of it.  
the transformation of the hidden leaf village is obviously still a work in progress, and society never changes overnight.  we’ve heard at various points in shippuden about the still-present divide between hardliners like danzo and the (somewhat) more moderate senju line, and it’s clear that there are still plenty of reactionary/conservative forces at work in the shinobi world, which means there are absolutely still segments of the population who would view the kind of challenge that kakashi and his students pose to traditional shinobi values as a threat.  and back when kakashi first chose to reaffirm his father’s principles, i’m sure it was much worse - the way minato tells it, the entire village and the land of fire turned on sakumo, and it’s not like all those people just disappeared when kakashi finally allowed himself to recognize that all of them were doing something wrong.  they were still there.  they were his neighbors.  they were his colleagues.  he had to live with them.  he had to work with them - he had to work FOR them, even.  to this day, he still does.
like.  i am FASCINATED by the complexities of this situation, even though we barely see any of it.  just...thinking about thirteen year-old kakashi being a member of the Jonin Assembly alongside all of these grown adults who persecuted his father until the “great man who everyone looked up to” couldn’t survive it any longer.  thinking about teenage kakashi lost and “waiting to die” in the anbu black ops, but still breaking every rule to rescue little tenzo from a hardline conservative who tried to have kakashi assassinated.  thinking about adult kakashi, still a member of that same Jonin Assembly, still working alongside people he can clearly remember harassing and attacking his father for saving their lives, being asked to serve as a clandestine hokage under danzo’s nose, because foreign nations trust kakashi where they don’t trust the actual nominee, and then being nominated for real when danzo turns up dead (and having his nomination approved, i might add, by the land of fire, whose government officially blamed kakashi’s father for the damage that resulted from that abandoned mission years before).
we only get hints about the lingering controversy surrounding kakashi and his family via danzo and, occasionally, the village elders, but like.  kakashi occupies such a complex place in the hidden leaf village, because he’s become incredibly respected and renowned by many (if not most) of its residents, but he also spends every day of his life moving within a community where many (if not most) of the older people around him participated in a campaign of vicious harassment against his father, one that ultimately led to his death.  some of them may have had changes of heart after sakumo’s suicide - that seems like the kind of thing that might have shocked some people into reevaluating their positions, particularly given how respected sakumo was prior to that time - and some of them probably died later in the war, but we know there’s still a conservative faction active in the hidden leaf village, and some of those people are always going to be who they are.  and even the people who aren’t - even the ones who regret how they acted - it’s still so complicated!  how do you continue to live and work in that environment?  how do you navigate a history of being harmed in that way, when you still have to collaborate with and/or serve the same people who did the harming, some of whom likely view you with the exact same disdain they had for your father?
kakashi manages it, somehow, though i’ll bet he has complicated feelings about it, even if he keeps them to himself.  and that’s yet another reason why (if i can just take these thoughts on a slight detour to the present) i think kakashi’s relationship with sasuke is so vitally important, especially moving forward.  sasuke’s family was wronged by the village too, in horrific, unforgivable ways - the shinobi system swallowed itachi whole and sacrificed the entire uchiha clan on the altar of a mission, in exactly the kind of evil, inhuman decision-making process that sakumo and obito and kakashi said could never be justified.  the uchiha were victims of the same shinobi system that drove kakashi’s father to his death - the one that said “everything is acceptable as long as the task at hand is accomplished.  people are disposable in service to a mission.”  both sasuke and kakashi’s families fell to a cultural context that refused to acknowledge that it is never okay to sacrifice your comrades for a mission, a cultural context that embraced this belief to the point where even literal genocide became excusable.
if sasuke is ever going to really and truly Come Home, he’s going to need to learn how to navigate this situation.  not to excuse the wrong that was done, and certainly not to give up on getting justice for himself and his clan, but also to figure out, in conjunction with these important tasks, how to continue existing in an environment where so much officially-sanctioned harm was done to his person, and where so many people around him have at least a little bit of history of being suspicious of or uncharitable towards the uchiha clan, even though they obviously didn’t know about the impending coup or danzo’s extermination order.  
it’s an incredibly complicated situation, and even if kakashi doesn’t have all the answers, he can at least understand what it feels like to be in that kind of position.  he’s been navigating something like this for many, many years.  he’s the precedent, someone who can help sasuke wrestle with the perhaps unanswerable questions of how am i supposed to dedicate myself to a place that wronged me like this?  why should i protect people who hurt me so badly?  is there even a way for me to move forward here, if i can’t forgive the ones who took my family away from me?  can this actually be my home again, when i know what it did to my people?
kakashi has obviously managed to come up with answers to these questions that enable him to stay integrated in his community and keep building a future he believes in, though I doubt any of his answers are simple, and i’m sure there are some things that he’s just had to accept will never be fully settled in his heart.  it’s like what he says to obito in an episode i watched recently: “i don’t know anything for sure, either...i’ve thought that this world is hell, too...but...”  it’s the but that matters.  even in the face of confusion and complexity, kakashi has found a way to keep moving.  he’s learned to co-exist with the uncertainty and discomfort surrounding him, and to make his own meaning out of this life, regardless of how complicated his internal relationship with the village might be.  he’s found a way to keep his eyes trained on the light, whatever that light might look like for him, and even if said light is only, as gaara says, “the faintest glimmer.”  he has so much to teach someone like sasuke, who up until recently was responding to that same plea of gaara’s with a fatalistic “i shut my eyes a long time ago.  the things i seek now lie only in the darkness.” 
anyway.  i am just having Many Thoughts currently about the intricacies of the political and social context that kakashi is always navigating, even though he never says a word about it.  and i’m curious whether this family history will ever come up again in the last fifth of this show.  if i were going on instinct alone, i’d suspect that we weren’t quite done with sakumo yet - i feel like we barely even started with him, to be honest (and also - whatever happened to kakashi’s mother???) - but i should know better at this point than to try and predict what this show is going to do, so i’ll just wait and see.
#naruto#meta#pan watches naruto#i got lost on the path of life#this is something i've always kind of wondered about in the back of my mind#but i started really focusing on it recently because of the conversations i've been having with dreamersscape about shikamaru and kakashi#because the other thing i think about in conjunction with this topic is how the kids have absolutely zero clue about any of this#sakumo's story seems to be - at least from what i've seen so far -#something that the entire leaf village just decided to never discuss again immediately after it reached its horrifying conclusion#whether out of shame or whatever else#it's buried history#even in the immediate aftermath - obito only knows the white fang as 'that hero who died protecting the village'#the rest of the story seems to have become That Of Which We Do Not Speak#and naruto's generation is even further removed from the history than obito was; so they just have no idea#like - naruto once asked kakashi who lady chio meant by 'the white fang'; and when kakashi uncomfortably answered 'my father'#naruto was so shocked by the concept of kakashi having parents that he never even asked any follow-up questions XD XD XD#so anyway i'm just thinking about how much the younger kids are going to start learning after they come home and start climbing the ranks#eg shikamaru shadowing kakashi in jonin circles and starting to pick up on dynamics he hasn't been exposed to before#bc i'm sure kakashi's philosophy for preparing jonin aspirants will be just as stubbornly renegade as his process for genin#and i can imagine there are certain tasks he'll set or standards he'll outline that might stir up some muttering#at least among the old guard#anyway.  i think about this stuff a lot#the kids starting to learn all of the things that everybody else already knows about kakashi but nobody ever talks about#including kakashi himself#sasuke got the cliffsnotes version the day he left the leaf village; but there is still SO MUCH he and the other kids aren't aware of#they know nothing about kakashi's history with obito or rin or yamato or itachi; or what happened to his father; or how he got his sharingan#or that he was targeted for assassination by danzo as a teenager#they have no idea what his life was like AT ALL; and honestly i think kakashi wanted it to be that way#but that bubble has to pop eventually; and i can only imagine the kids' faces when they start to discover just how much they never knew.
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madaras-housewife · 3 years
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A bridge between love and duty
This took me a long ass time to write and holy I’m glad I’m finally done with it. I enjoyed writing it and I also hated it, but I’ve sure learnt a lot from it. Nonetheless, I’m infinitely happy about giving Hashi the love he deserves.
This one shot is a part of a server collab organised by the lovely @bakubabes-hatake. 
pairing: Hashirama Senju x female reader
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” 
prompt: Hanahaki disease
length: 5.7k words
tw: none
Red camellia: “You are a flame in my heart”  
The muffled sound was the first thing she heard in the darkness of her slumber. As her consciousness steadily gathered, she took a deep breath and realised what it was. Her heavy eyelids peeled open, but they quickly closed back.  A warm bed; a mask covering her mouth and nose. 
The woman groaned and rose up to sit straight. Her chest was slightly aching, but it was not as bad as usual. A gentle beam of sunshine tried to peek through the blinders. How long had she been out? It was then that she started reminiscing about the failure of her life with a resigned sigh. But what stirred in her heart was not fear, nor anger. A strange melodious tune of relief coursed through her body. It was over. 
Nevertheless, her thought process was interrupted by the door creaking open. 
A woman in a white coat walked in and looked her up and down with hawk-like eyes. She seemed better than the state she was in at her arrival. The medic formally introduced herself and asked the patient the routine questions, before using her medical ninjutsu on her. 
_____ did not mean to ask who brought her to the hospital, but she felt the need to inquire about other matters.
“How long have I been asleep?”
The nurse did not spare her another look. “For about 5 hours. Hashirama-sama wasn’t here for too long after leaving you in our care.”. 
“Ah, I see.”. A nearly awkward silence ensued between the two, but the medical worker seemed to have read her mind. 
“He was here until you became stable.”. Those words visibly relieved the patient, to which she reprimanded, “Your condition is grave, you know. You should have gone to the doctor a long time ago. Chance is that you will have permanent scars.”
_____’s shoulder stiffened, but those words seemed to go through her. Despite the accuracy of her statement, she did not want to feel scolded by a stranger, albeit a medical professional. 
The woman in white pursed her lips. “Hashirama-sama should be back soon. I will send word that you have awakened. Until then, you should get some more rest.”
With a nod, the nurse was dismissed and _____ was left alone in her room. She could now relish in the mess that she made, recollecting her mistakes from the very beginning. 
Following the end of the Warring States era, the shinobi world found that the easiest way to forge peace between the clans was through arranged marriages. So for _____, being chosen as a bride for the Senju clan was an opportunity for her own brethren to gain respect and recognition in the newly founded Konohagakure. 
A few moons after the official inauguration of the Leaf, the clan elders deemed it urgent to hold an internal conference. Most of the distinguished families showed up, so it was deemed necessary for her to be there, too. In their characteristically tedious manner, they spoke of traditions that needed to be upheld, as well as something related to their reputation and prestige, a subject that no one was particularly interested in.
 However, the discussion slowly built towards the matter of Hashirama’s marital status and how he was to marry a kunoichi from a different clan as soon as possible, as the elders thought it sensible for the leader of the village to have successors. 
A stale atmosphere of monotony clung to the room, except for the chair where _____ sat. She tried imitating the mannerism and facial expressions of the other members to no avail. The tension surrounding her became almost palpable, but the scowl lingering on Hashirama’s face gave her hope of him denying the proposition.
“I will consider it.” 
Regardless of all her years of training, she couldn’t control the furious wriggling of her digits on the table, something which did not go unnoticed by the participants. Their impassive, yet judgemental eyes burnt countless little dents through her with enough ease to make her feel like nothing more than a decaying puppet which had long outlived its usefulness. The shame was suffocating, unbearable, virulent and yet the only thing her decrepit body could perceive was the subtle stifling of her chest. 
Hashirama shot her a curious glare before his attention returned to the elders, who seemed to be more full of crap than they usually were. She retracted her hands under the table with a servile frown. 
She was grateful that her husband, Hitoshi, wasn’t there. 
Would he think of her any less than he already did? His attempts at hiding it were half-hearted at best. The contempt he held towards her was the second thing that haunted her the most. Yes, the eyes never lie. 
It would have been inconsiderate of her to blame Hitoshi for his indifference. Not only had he accepted it, but he also allowed her the undeserved decency of not addressing the farcical, yet frequent, circumstance of forced wedlock. Maybe that, too, was a form of consideration and love for her, but the notion was baseless, a conjecture, which, unfortunately, could not make her heart sway in his direction, regardless of its verity. 
Once the clan meeting was over, _____ was the first one to leave her seat. She did not have the strength to even look them in the eye, so instead, she turned on her heels and flung the door open.  
“What’s wrong, ______?”, Hashirama asked. He wanted to reach out to touch her shoulder, but stopped himself mid-way. The somber aura clinging to her made him. Taking a closer look, he could almost feel the scent of illness, one he had been familiar with his entire life.
 In all fairness, he had his suspicions. Being the head of his clan, he was privy to certain information and, judging by the manner in which Hitoshi spoke of his marriage, he was sure that it had something to do with that.
When she turned around, he made out her sickly pale complexion, which was poorly coated in make-up. She was spent. 
She found herself twisting the ring on her hand. It was ordinary for diplomats to lie for the sake of appearances, but to her, deceit had become the strongest weapon. Whatever sense of self she had left, she wished to use to the best of her ability. 
“Everything is alright, Hashirama-sama. I just happen to be a bit overworked.”, she affirmed, “Nothing that a good night’s rest can’t fix.”. Even a small grin found its way on her dry lips. 
When he was nothing but honest, all she could offer him was emotional chicanery, bland lies and formal words. After all, it was the thing she was best at, wasn’t it? She tried focusing on something, anything else that would diverge her mind from guilt, but she couldn’t look away. Instead, she stared right back at him with a stilted glare.
Her assertiveness almost persuaded him, if it hadn’t been for the folded hands on her lap; fingers squeezed together, trembling, wincing, as if it was the last day on that wretched world.
“You don’t seem well. Would you like me to take a look? I’m sure I could help.”
“I said, I’m fine. There’s nothing to be worried about.”. Her words came out harsher than she intended, but bold enough to startle him. And as such,  her duplicity endured, once again. Every word seemed to embed a metal needle under her skin, until her entire body itched violently. The sensation was so familiar to her, she realised her medication had run out. “Now, I must go back to my husband.”, turning around, she silently apologized for the dismissal.
That was the last time. The sting of tears overtook her unexpectedly. She squeezed her eyes shut and bore a growing lump in her throat in the way she taught herself. It wouldn’t be long now.
Hashirama frowned and debated letting her go. It was clear that she did not want to open up to him. And why would she? She had no reason to impart her private grievances, no matter how much he would have liked to think otherwise. 
Still, fate seemed to have other plans. She felt its brute force as she clutched her stomach in pain, and, unwillingly, she let it all out. The mask had slipped off. Crimson petals leaked from her mouth and he was by her side, placing a gentle hand on the small of her back, in less than a moment’s notice. He immediately activated his medical ninjutsu, but the coughing wouldn’t stop. It went on and on, until her hands were stained, until her own tears mixed in with the fruit of her disease, until she realised her failure. In her hazy, broken state, she couldn’t make out why she was crying, when, almost effortlessly, she purged her own chest the same way earlier that day. Was it the product of her illness or that of her sorrow? 
The answer wouldn’t amount to anything. 
When her ailment finally decided to give her a temporary reprieve, she stood straight, quickly wiping off the tears and the stains of blood on her loose dress, but it was too late. The mask had already shattered. 
She hadn’t even noticed that his hand was gleaming green on her back. As relief coursed through her body, scant breaths became regular. Her shoulders slumped when the warmth of his body enveloped her. Hashirama’s powerful chakra aroused tingles on her skin, making her reminisce that night they first met. A tint of pink brightened her complexion and she allowed herself to relish in the moment, without paying attention to him.
Hashirama was speechless and did not know what to make of the situation. Allowing her to ease up, he inspected her up close: the dried tears, the rosy cheeks and the darkened puffiness under her eyes. But then, he suddenly remembered it, too. That night, which he unsuccessfully tried to forget, was always following him, nearly haunting him.
***
The two met at her wedding reception. She hadn't been formally introduced to him at the time, so she approached him. Hashirama humbly presented himself, speaking with such frank familiarity that it made her feel awkward, at first. Given how the disingenuous and monotone courtesies of the ceremony bore her, she subconsciously lingered closely to him. 
Being physically close allowed her to feel his chakra prickling her body like a warm touch. It awakened a stream of goosebumps on her skin and _____ guessed that he was forced to keep it at bay due to its intensity. One couldn’t live in the Warring States period without hearing stories of Senju Hashirama’s legendary might on the battlefield. 
Throughout the night, they held each other's company whenever they could. The conversations flowed naturally as the time went by and at one point, both of them were so inebriated they couldn’t even tell what they were talking about anymore. Hardly anything was distinguishable besides the loud giggles and hiccups and the aroma of heat that surrounded them. 
Their eyes intertwined in a silent dance, again and again. His were almond shaped, she remarked, a mellifluous whiskey brown that never failed to mirror his gentleness. When contemplating her questions, he turned his head away, squeezed his eyes shut and knitted his thin brows together with a finger cocked under his chin. That was when she could ogle innocently at his features. The man’s tan skin was visibly flushed and yet, flawless. The shinobi world was not a merciful one, considering how most warriors had noticeable marks on their bodies, worn with pride. They symbolized endurance and experience in warfare, like an insignia gained through hardship and struggle. In contrast to that, Hashirama’s face bore no scars, no blemishes, no wrinkles that weighed on it and, despite barely knowing him, _____ could safely tell that the head of the Senju clan was not a man of appearances. He was undefeated in battle, after all, to the extent that not even his responsibilities seemed to burden him. 
Whenever a gust of wind pervaded the backyard, the woman couldn’t help but admire his hair; a soft raven mane that cascaded on his broad shoulders and his back. Shinobi were rarely interested in looks, so they often kept their hair short or tied, even more so when it could be a hindrance in battle. But, once again, Hashirama distinguished himself. His hair reached mid-back and seemed to flow freely in the wind, like him. He was not bound by the grudges that had been passed down to him and he was not afraid to challenge the world’s beliefs, that much she realised. No, he was a man of his own, unlike everyone else at the wedding reception, unlike her. _____ acknowledged that she herself was confined to the laws and traditions of the shinobi world; it became apparent upon meeting the head of the Senju clan. He truly was an eccentric, but a charming one at that. 
He was so alluring, she compulsively moved closer to him, until their shoulders brushed against each other, as he mindlessly accepted it. Her touch was so brief it could have been called a mistake, if it wasn't for the girlish bat of her eyelashes and for the delicate, faint chuckles which suggested otherwise. When their eyes made contact again, the atmosphere shifted into something else. Neither of them said a word, but she was almost sure that time had gone still. Her breath hitched when Hashirama subconsciously trailed his eyes over her body with a gaze so intense, she felt her knees melting. They eagerly took in the modest cut of her dress, with the moonlight highlighting her collarbone. In that moment, he was certain that her body had been sculpted by the gods. The jewelries seemed to adorn it and he wanted nothing more than to see it all, right there, where the sensual beam of light accentuated her beauty just barely enough for him to realise what it was that he yearned for.
The man took a step closer and unwillingly heard the sound of her gulping down, but she didn’t budge. Instead, her feet stubbornly planted themselves into the ground as the crackling sparks in her eyes turned into a fire so incessant and heated, he felt it on his flushed skin, all the way to the tip of his fingers and toes. He knew then that she yearned too. 
And so, the next moment had her eager lips pressed against his own, as a tingle of impatience ran down her spine. He returned the passion tenfold as his arms draped around her frame and pulled her in. An intense, almost violent hunger coursed through his veins, their tongues intertwining as he claimed her mouth. By the time she realised how weakened her legs had become, he was already supporting her, pushing her body against his own. 
A surging tide of warmth pulsated in her chest as all thought ceased, intoxicated by the taste of his lips and the alcoholic breath invading her nose. She tugged on his hair so addictively that he groaned in her mouth, the vibrations descending to her stomach, where tension started coiling up. The way their teeth clashed and their bodies drowned together sent wild tremors to her nerves, kindling in her emotions she had never known she was capable of feeling.  His earthy scent aroused her to no end and, as if time had stopped right there, both Hashirama and _____ forgot to breathe, forgot that there was anyone else in the world but them, forgot about the fact that anyone could walk by and witness how they melted into each other, needing to become one. 
With a last lick of her lips, he slowly pulled away, drunk on her and the sake she consumed earlier that night. Their ragged breaths almost deafened the crowd in their vicinity, all of whom were unaware of what had just transpired. Even so, it slightly pulled Hashirama out of their bubble of passion. He blinked once, twice, and then his eyelids started fluttering in disbelief.
His eyes unwillingly darted over to the Senju clan badge on her shoulder, which made him completely stop in his tracks. Almost instantly, and, yet, reluctantly, Hashirama put physical distance between him and the flustered bride, his gaze not daring to meet her hypnotised eyes. At first, she was confused, but it hit her as well. What the hell was she doing? The brunet bowed his head with a short whisper of an apology, followed by a formal statement of good wishes, before she was left all alone.
The rest of the evening had been just as awkward. Out of respect for her and her new husband, he decided to stay, with the condition of completely avoiding her. Hashirama even found solace  in the nearest bottle of sake, which he wished would also quell his thoughts about her. _____ followed in his example and allowed herself to succumb to a few more drinks, before she could not even remember the rest of the night. 
***
At any rate, it didn’t take much for Hashirama to put two and two together. The reception, her illness and her suddenly relaxed state. He needed no more than a direct confirmation from her. 
“What is this?”
She expected that question. Nonetheless, the ever present sting of shame, whose face she knew too well, did not seem to crawl under her skin. Instead, she felt something she had only experienced once before, upon the consummation of her marriage to Hitoshi. She welcomed it. 
“I love you, Hashirama.”
The man’s face turned bright red. He seemed to have lost all sense of dignity when his lips parted and his eyes widened. She placed a shaky hand on his shoulder and gave it a warm squeeze.  
Following that night, they frequently engaged in short conversations at clan meetings. As per Hashirama’s typical attitude, he tried to mend their inhibitions, wishing that it would be as easy as it was back then, but his eyes always hid behind a wall of hesitance, and, although it could not stop her from craving, it made her realise that it would probably never come down. At that moment, however, something was different. 
An amused chuckle echoed through the hallway. “The last time I’ve seen you this flustered was when I kissed you. Perhaps I should have brought a bottle of sake. That face of yours could definitely use a cup or two.”
The strain in her voice made him snap back to reality. He took a step back, figuring out her vain tactic. Would he judge her? Perhaps not outwardly.
“How long have you been hiding this for? How much longer until…?”
“I thought they would go away, these feelings of mine. He knows, too, but we don’t talk about it. ”, she chose to look at her feet as she spoke those words. Even for a second, she wanted to avoid the burning, pressuring sensation on her back.  _____ subconsciously fiddled with her fingers, almost as if she was trying to scratch away at the humiliation like a piece of paper. 
She had a place to call home. Shouldn’t she have been happy? She had the firm earth under her feet, the pride of her clan on her back, a name to carry, shouldn’t she have been happy? She had a dutiful husband, shouldn’t she have been happy? And the warm food in front of her nose, the calm rains and sunshine blessing her, the smiles and laughter of children, so then how? How was she still not happy when she had peace? 
It was not enough.
His own eyes drifted to her hands. Playing with her own fingers was a tick he had grown to learn about her. Hashirama would watch her peculiar habit during their meetings. After having seen it so many times, he understood its meaning and knew how frequent it was. What merit was there in a life without happiness? 
He frowned and wondered if there was anything he could do. But just as quickly as that thought came, a wave of emotions crashed into Hashirama’s consciousness. It was his fault that she was in this state. The man’s expression then deepened, but she quickly sensed and rebutted his contrition: 
“This is my cross to bear, Hashirama. It’s the only thing I can do for my clan, the only way I can honor their name. So, please… I can handle this myself.” she said half-heartedly. And there it was, that dull pain in her chest, again. Was that what she really wanted? 
Despite her comforting words, his lips slightly curled downwards. The brunet saw it as nothing more than cordial rejection, so he judged it to be the perfect opportunity to draw her in. Reaching out his hands, he grabbed her smaller ones, squeezing them reassuringly, with a gentleness he didn’t think he was capable of. 
His gesture was unexpected, but not rejected. She squeezed back, barely. The hesitance in her grip only fueled his fire. 
“This village… This place we have built is supposed to put an end to meaningless pain, ______. My entire life I have seen only suffering and loss and I want… no, will to put an end to it. I promise I will find a way to make things work out, if you choose to abandon your marriage. ”. The determination in his eyes was almost intimidating. He himself sincerely despised the prospect of an arranged, albeit necessary, marriage. 
Those tender, reassuring words made her heart skip a beat with a fondness so profound she could revel in for the rest of her life, but as much as she wanted to believe his commitment, the woman deemed it to be nothing more than wishful thinking. 
Perhaps, that was why she found herself thinking about him time and again. And for months on end, she was unable to make anything of it. Even though she knew that her wedlock was but a small compromise for the greater good, ______ felt less and less complacency as time went on. The fulfillment of her noble duty no longer comforted her at night, when she felt frigid and abandoned. Instead, she found warmth coiling in her gut whenever Hashirama crossed her mind. To her, he was a paradox; a way to escape her own condition when she could no longer bear it and, yet, its cause. It became difficult to endure, the more complicated her disease became. She could almost feel the numerous camellias blooming in her chest, a sickening sensation that her rudimentary medication could barely alleviate anymore. 
This is my punishment, she confessed to herself time and time again. When the leaflets coiled up in her trachea and choked her, the woman could almost feel an intangible force wrapping its hand around her throat. Regurgitating the putrid and picturesque corollary to her emotional infidelity, ______ found herself imagining what could have been if she hadn’t been chosen as a marital pawn, but instead of offering her some type of temporary, albeit imaginary, release, it only made her clench her fists and her weakened shoulders shudder. And by the time her guts were briefly drained of bloody flowers, all that was left was a disgusting portrait of feebleness, lamentation and illness, a symbol of her true self; not a kunoichi, not a member of the Senju clan and certainly not a wife. At times of bitter realisation, such as those ones, she thought to herself that maybe, blaming him would be easier; that maybe, putting it all on him would ease her guilt a little and even diminish her feelings for him, but Hashirama didn’t deserve that. He did not deserve to be the target of her selfishness. 
“I would lose status in front of both of our clans, I would be rejected by my own clansmen, abandoned by my husband. And for what...? Stop speaking of such a pipe dream. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Hashirama.  ”, the weight of her words sent a pang of conscience in her chest, where she felt it squeeze her lungs in a punitive manner. She could not tell whether her dubiety or her Hanahaki were taking their course on her body.
No matter how hard she tried to deny it, she wanted it; a way out. She felt guilty even for thinking about it. She did not deserve any more than she already had, anything better than she was cursed with, that seemingly worthless duty of hers, like a puppet on a loose string.
Her vision gradually darkening, she didn’t notice the man’s bottom lip jutting out. Instead, his sunken eyes made her realise that her harsh words definitely struck a nerve. She tried taking a deep breath, which would have resounded with regret, but all that came out was a short gasp before her chest tightened. With balled fists, she tried her best to ignore it by pressing on and apologizing, before being delayed.
“Don’t speak that way, I know-”, the plea was interrupted by the woman’s head unnaturally bowing forward, her body trying to follow. It was so abnormal that it made him instinctively grab her shoulders. She was shaking, he noticed.
The room began to spin as consciousness gracefully slipped from her grasp. She allowed the darkness to embrace her as her frail body suddenly limped, but was caught before it could touch the ground. Hashirama’s arm pushed her closer to his chest while his other hand gently pressed itself against her dry, ashen cheek. Those eyelids dropped heavily and unhesitatingly. It was as if she had already given up.
He kneeled and activated his glowing chakra to quickly inspect her state. Eyes wide and heart nearly bursting out of his ribcage, Hashirama knew he couldn’t waste any time. The thought of it being too late for her crossed his mind and it made him run faster than he thought he was able to. Please make it in time...!
Later that day, Hashirama found himself sitting on the highest point in Konohagakure. The freshly carved stone face of himself still felt unfamiliar, yet he found a strange sense of tranquility and peace in that spot. He could gaze at the entire settlement and it was there that he indulged in the sweet gift of solidarity. Even a man such as Hashirama enjoyed it sometimes. It helped him clear his mind and contemplate, when his office became too crowded and uncomfortable to fulfill that purpose. 
Every now and then, he could even feel his friend’s presence next to him, one which he dearly missed. He was painfully aware that he could not stop Madara from leaving. Hashirama could not prevent, nor mend, his mistrust with the village. Madara renounced his place as a shinobi of Konoha with a sinister promise of his return. But it would not be a peaceful one, Hashirama knew. He needed to be prepared to protect the people the way he knew best.
Protect, huh? his mind drifted off to ______. He reminded himself of her arranged marriage and her honorable sacrifice. The flowers gushing out of her throat, right in front of him, and the way she desperately clung to him for air, for a reprieve. He would not forget the way her ailing body caved into him and how loose her clothes were that day. Never quite understanding why they almost limped on her body, he was aghast when he felt her bones poking through her skin. 
Now that he considered it, she looked a little different every time he saw her at their conferences. The woman’s garments heavily contrasted the proud wear of the Senju. Instead of vibrant and estimable, her clothes were prosaic, almost dusty. Even so, the clan crest always decorated her figure, displaying her high status. It almost served as a ridicule, for she became nothing more than a meaningless symbol of welfare. Something festered in him each time he saw her and yet, he didn’t realise how she was slowly withering away. A memory of her in her wedding gown flashed before his eyes; the way her eyes twinkled and her hair danced in the wind; those plump, enticing lips of hers. She was exquisite. How could he not notice it? 
The aftermath of the events that took place at her wedding reception never quite left the atmosphere. It went unmentioned. It would not have done neither of them any good to bring it up. What would they even say? Would they confess to their sins? Lament over the moment of their forbidden passion? 
  If it was exoneration that she sought, she wouldn’t solicit it from the one she ferociously kissed, but from her family, her clan and her husband.
 She was always in the back of his mind, on the good days and the worse ones. Though humiliated about it, the memory of their passionate moment made his cheeks flush. He touched her that night ー a married woman ー and despite the circumstances, he did not regret it. 
 The man understood her responsibility, her drive to do what is best for her village and its citizens. Is that all there really is to life? Liability? Duty?, the Senju pondered.
 Hashirama was a person who could not tolerate the prospect of peopleー human beingsー being used as pawns. It made him stiff with anger. After all, his childhood revolved around his utility on the battlefield. To the Senju clan leadersー his own father, nonethelessー, the 4 siblings, as well as many others, were nothing more than numbers; peons, to be used for mindless warfare that had lost its meaning long before they were born and before their father’s fathers own births. 
Who would he be if he abandoned someone when they needed him, again? 
It would be an insult to his people and his loved ones to let someone walk away, again. Even when so many people looked up to him, he felt ashamed. He could not even remember all his mistakes, all his sins, all the deaths he was responsible for. So Hashirama decided that he would not fail another time. He was aware of the repercussions he would face not only from both clans, but possibly from _____, too. Except, it could never sting as badly as the grim image of death knocking at her door as she squandered whatever was left of her life for a scrap of dignity and pride.
 Her reminiscing was perturbed, once again, by the sound of the wooden door being flung open.But this time, she readily turned her eyes to the other side of the room, where they met his. 
“How are you feeling?”
“Certainly better than before. I’m sorry for… you know, fainting on you.”, a small, ashamed chuckle was let out, which he imitated. However, his eyes softened to such a degree that she felt her entire face suffuse with red in front of them. 
He strode towards her bed, where he sat and took a moment to study her. “That’s good news. I’m relieved.”
 One of her hands snuck over the blanket and lightly squeezed Hashirama’s. She was hoping that the peaceful silence would last longer. Muttering a few words of appreciation, she wished nothing more than for things to stay that way.
His eyes were fixated on her hand, but he did not return the gesture. “I don’t think you should thank me yet.”
“What do you mean?”
“After I left you here, I had a… conversation with your husband and the elders.”. His tone was almost meek, but there were no hints of regret coating it. “It’s over.”
 The small gasp that followed did not surprise him in the slightest. Despite the sound being distorted by her mask, it bore just as much distress as he had anticipated. He had mentally prepared himself for every possibility.
Her mind raced aimlessly. Although her hand did not move, her eyes turned away, deciding to focus on the weather outside, behind the open window. In the aftermath of  her failure, she realised that there was no other way for it to end, but with shunning and disgrace. Although she would never admit it, she knew it from the moment she chose to kiss him.  
 Nevertheless, the world kept spinning, the sun kept shining, and, for the first time in a while, she felt its warmth and comfort, a blessing she had denied herself for so long. It was really over. Her dessicated lips curled into a smile. 
“I knew I should have asked you first, but I-”
“Thank you, Hashirama. It’s alright now.”
The moment their orbs connected to each other, she felt the hot tears welling up, reflecting a thousand emotions and he silently listened to them, accepting them. It was then that his marred hand reached back to hers and gently intertwined his fingers with her own.  Hopefully, the fidgeting would stop. But they knew it would not be as simple as that.
_____ brought her fingers up to her face, removing the somewhat bothersome mask. She bent forward towards Hashirama and placed a tender peck on his cheek. Even the burden on her chest seemed to slowly dissipate.
Hashirama’s hair smelled earthy, she remarked, the same as back then. Inhaling his scent, she relished when his free hand slightly pulled her closer and he rubbed her back.
 Her crime weighed heavy. She was aware she would be cast out for leaving her husband, for failing her clan, for owning herself. 
What was done was done. The new-found sense of freedom made her heart play a tranquil, bittersweet tune, an unfaltering rhythm that finally set her eyes on the horizon, one which she would definitely chase this time, no matter what came next. 
Maybe, if she let go of what she was, she would become more like him. Bolder, more unprejudiced, more independent. 
If one’s brave, they listen to the heart. If one’s a coward, they obey their head. But for cowards, there is no paradise.
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just-some-sad-bitch · 4 years
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Back Home
The return from the battlefield was tough, the few that remained alive went back to their respecting villages leaving only a couple of hundred shinobis from the leaf returning together in a mass. The more critically injured set the peace going all the way on the front with units still able to fight just in case defend was needed, in the middle section the groups that were still standing, in the last group the strongest defended de mass, which was why Sasuke had been wondering. Why the heck was he all the way in the back? He literally had one arm blown to pieces a couple of days ago. Not to say he couldn’t stand, of course he could, more than that in fact, if needed he would have been able to fight, with less strength and less precision, but fighting was still kicking and punching as far as he was aware. But if he was honest, he knew why he was in the back. In case he decided to attack, he was surrounded by shinobis in way better form than he was. It was basically a big escort, just for him. Not that they were stronger than him of course, its just that at the moment, he was weaker than them.
Still, his condition was extremely debilitating to him and the trip back was infinitely uncomfortable, the looks most people gave him were full of hatred and disdain, he couldn’t blame them really, he was a missing nin, a criminal and he was fine with the looks. He would endure every look, every murmur, every degrading word they sent his way, his resolution had already been made, he would pay for his sins whatever way the Kages deem acceptable. After all, if that was the price to pay to stay with him, he was ok.
“How´s the arm?” A sweet voice pulled him out of his thought. Right next to him was Sakura. Her pink hair had grown out since the last time he saw her the day he left the village, wait, no, there were a couple of times after that. The day she and the rest found him in Orochimaru´s hideout, and once more after that, oh yes, the time he tried to kill her, right after she tried to kill him. Some friends they were.
The smile she was offering was honest but wary, like trying to convince a stray cat to come closer but still fearing the claws. They were still afraid of him, how could they not, after everything he had done.
“It´s fine” he responded dryly, he was by no means trying to be rude at all but after so many years he had no idea how to talk to her, to anyone, actually. Except for him apparently.
“Once we get back we can treat it better, I promise… There are a lot of injured but, I´ll make sure to help you” She was so kind it was actually hard to not come off as rude to her, still he tried his best.
“There’s no need for that”
“oh… ok” he´d done it, he came off as an asshole, he tried, god knows he wasn’t trying to drive her away, but he didn’t know how to talk to her. So, he resorted to the only topic he knew they shared.
“Is he… still making his rounds?” He knew the answer was yes, and of course there was no need to say his name out loud. Her look once she realized he was starting a conversation was tender and happy, finally, he did something good in regards of Sakura.
“Yeah, he is trying to check up on everyone around, you know how he is, Mr. sunshine worried for everyone except for himself. I told him a thousand times to stay still or the wound WILL eventually open but he doesn’t listen. Ugh its so hard to heal a hyperactive hero” The way she went off about him made him feel like old times, they really didn’t change after all, team 7 was still a couple of orphans and a whiny girl lead by a perverted teacher. He might have been weak at the moment, but he was not so weak to admit he had missed them, out loud ate least.
“Well, like you said, once we are back you can tie him to a hospital bed” She laughed, maybe too hard and too loud, it wasn´t funny but he appreciated the effort she made to make it seem like it was.
“Yeah sure, like he´s not going to jump right into rebuilding the village, or helping the others, or just training. He´ll do anything to avoid a hospital bed”
“Rebuilding the village? When was it- “Oh, right as the sentence left his mouth he remembered. Akatsuki’s leader, Nagato, had destroyed the entirely of Konoha. Surely that was a bitter memory for Sakura, a point he might have rather not touch at all. “Sorry I- “
“No, it´s ok… you weren’t there” A heavy silence fell between them, the implication of her words meant more that just his absence in battle that day, he knew it.
They kept moving, after a couple of hours they saw the gate of the village. A cold shiver went down Sasuke´s spine. A sudden realization that his resolution was to become real, he was about to be either locked for life, exiled from the country of fire or just plain death sentence. He stood frozen in his place, he wasn’t exactly afraid, he wasn’t a coward. The feeling was closer to that of nausea, he had hated the village for so long he didn’t have any other feeling for it up until that moment.
“Sasuke?” Sakura had noticed the moment he stopped moving. She was kind enough to stay by his side in silence.
They stood a couple of minutes right when he took a heavy sigh and started moving again. Whatever was going to happen was out of his control, trying to fix something that was yet to happen was meaningless, so he just kept moving.
The rest of the way they kept silent. It was heavy but not uncomfortable exactly. It was like having a peak into the future and then coming back, it was a feeling similar to knowing you had already lost, that you had failed at everything but you were not there yet, so the only thing left to do was reach that point and have the weight of your defeat be dumped on top of you. But even with  all that he didn’t feel bad, he knew he still had, at the very least, two teammates that had gone to the end of the world and back for him, they were not about to give up on him just yet, he knew he wasn’t alone. But he felt that way despite having that knowledge.
The gate grew larger each step he took, imponent and inescapable.
The entrance back was organized as followed; The first group of more delicate soldiers were to reach the hospital immediately. Once the shinobis in need of medical attention were in the hospital, the third group would stay stationed near the entrance acting like a filter, deciding who, from the second group, was fit to go home and who had to take a break, who would be able to help the injured and who would be designated to keep building facilities if needed. It would have been a disaster, had it not been for a blond head screaming to the top of his longs encouraging everyone and organizing the entry through the gates.
Sakura and Sasuke sat near a tree waiting for the first group to go through. Sakura was getting ready to enter when a particular gray head was approaching them from the sea of people. His sensei no longer had a sharingan but the scar adorning his left eye was visible to everyone now. Sasuke would lie if he said he wasn’t uncomfortable near his teacher. Was there even one single person in this village that had not tried to assassinate him or the other way around?
“Sakura you can’t go inside yet” Kakashi said, almost ignoring Sasuke had it not been for a polite nod he gave him after talking to Sakura.
“What do you mean? I´m a medic nin, I am supposed to head directly to the hospital once the first group is through”
“Just trust me, no one is expecting you right now, but after you cross that gate, head to the hospital… just wait a little longer until people scatter, which, could take a while” he then directed his gaze to Sasuke. “You as well, until the area is cleared please stay here for a while. I need to head back but trust me”
Seating by the tree was agonizing, he was so close, and yet, here he was, about 20 meters away from the gate, “talking” with the girl next to him. Their talks consisted mainly on Sakura making some kind of comment and Sasuke agreeing to it with a small “hn” or the every so spicy “yeah”. That was until Sakura said something out of the ordinary, something he had wished never to discuss with her at all.
“You know… I really thought I loved you for a very long time” She said in a very monotone voice, calm, with almost no feeling behind it. “I had convinced myself that I loved you and the only reason you didn’t like me was because I was weak…”
Sasuke didn’t know what to say, he remained in silence fearing what was to come. He expected anger, a series of questions of “why didn’t you love me back?”, “what was I lacking?”, and possibly the worst one; “What can I do for you to love me back?”.
“I’m sorry, for how I acted for so long” That… took him by surprise. “It must have been uncomfortable to you… I should have been a friend to you and instead I was a virus. Always clinging to you despite you not wanting me there I am so sorry”
“Sakura you- “
“But what I really want to apologize for is … for the night you left the village. I compared the worst thing that ever happened to you to… you leaving me alone. I didn’t know, I am truly sorry. No wonder you didn’t stay, what kind of comparison was that? I was so selfish and mean without thinking about how you felt. I only cared about my feelings and my crush on you that I never really stopped myself to ask… did you even like me at all?” She had been calm all through her declaration, no tears, no cracking in her voice, she had obviously thought about this for a very long time. “I’m sorry I wasn’t a friend to you”
Her words meant more to him than wanted to admit. He stared at her and for the first time he thought of her as a comrade. He gave her a small smile and looked down. Then looked up again at the gates, even if he wanted to try, once he went through those gates, everything was over. As if Sakura could read his mind, she placed a hand in his shoulder. Strangely enough that was the first time in a long time they touch without an ill intent.
“Don’t worry about what is going to happen, he is going to make sure you are safe. Even when you were away, he had always looked after you, now that you are finally here, he won’t allow anyone to touch you” Him again, the only constant in his life. Sasuke felt warm, and from that moment on, talking to Sakura was easier and honestly, more enjoyable, they talked about current events mainly, about how much the crowd of people had disappeared and how many of the members of Konoha´s eleven were helping. That spiral into her new Chunin rank and even a little joke about how Sasuke was still a Gennin.
“Ok kids, are you ready to enter?” Kakashi interrupted their memory of D Rank missions and the catching of many felines in their days. “There are only few of us who need to go inside so let’s go”
Approaching the gate was somber to say the least. He had reassurance again and again about how everything was going to be ok, people still thinking he was afraid of Konoha when in reality, he felt nothing for the village, its people, and their history. They hadn’t deserved his forgiveness then so why now? People think he was afraid for what they would to him, they were wrong, he was afraid of what he was capable of doing to the village. Once he had drowned in hatred and disdain for this peace of land, so being back again had awaked terrible feelings.
He was mere steps from entering. He remembered his team, his brother, the day he left, the day he killed Itachi, the day he swore vengeance against the leaf, but most importantly, his resolution. He remembered the pain in his arm, the warm blood leaving his body and every other aching part of his body. But he also remembered the golden hair beside him, his words filled with heartache, and promises, and so much devotion. At that moment Sasuke swore to himself “I´ll never let anyone hurt you… I won’t run from you again; I won’t make life difficult for you again. From here on out, I´ll make sure you don’t suffer because of the likes of me”. The reason he was truly there.
“STOP!” and so he did, he was a few steps form the gate, he turned back and saw him running up to them. One arm waving them, pleading to reman where they were.
“What are you waiting for you idiot?” Sakura asked him once he had reached the entrance. “What is the big idea?”  
“Just let him do his thing Sakura, he has been waiting for this moment for over 4 years” Kakashi approached them. In front of them stood the most annoying, untalented, loud-mouth idiot ever. And the three of them waited and listened to whatever he had to say.
“Almost five years ago, in this same gate I made a promise to you Sakura” So this is where he was going. “I promised you I would bring back Sasuke” he looked at the black-haired boy with a smile. “It took me five years, fighting a war, fighting a GOD, and one arm, but finally… Sakura, here I fulfill my promise, I have brought back Uchiha Sasuke!” his hand motioned to him.
Sakura looked like a mess, tears leaving her face in heavy cascades. She ran up to hug him, calling him an idiot and thanking her for everything. The most charming, trusted, and beloved idiot had never gave up on him. Kakashi stood close to him.
“He had been planning this since we were near the gate”
“I assume this is why you stopped us from entering” His teacher only smiled ate him. Sometimes he wandered how was his teacher able to demonstrate his emotions when literally half his face was covered.
Sasuke looked back at Naruto, he and Sakura were now looking at him, waiting for him to cross the gate, finally.
“Naruto…” Sasuke stared at him “aren’t you going to say it?” he smiled smugly.
“Say what?” Naruto looked at Sakura and Kakashi, has he missed something? Oh, right. “Oh right… just remember you asked for it.” He stepped away from Sakura, approached Sasuke until he was a few meters away from him, Naruto took a big breath and screamed from the bottom of his lungs.
“UCHIHA SASUKE, WELCOME HOME!!!” his scream was loud, so loud in fact that the few people around stared back at the four dumbasses in the gate. Kakashi and Sakura stared at him fully embarrassed of being near the blond idiot, that was until.
“UZUMAKI NARUTO!” They looked back at Sasuke, the most out of character for him to that point was screaming the other boys name at the top of his lungs. “IM HOME!” He finished finally.
Naruto ran up to him, embracing awkwardly with one arm and almost loosing balance, ugly crying and laughs were coming out of Naruto while Sasuke embraced Naruto with a smile. This was his home, afraid of the village? Afraid of the future? How could he fear anything when this beautiful person was right beside him? Sakura and Kakashi leaned into the hug even more awkwardly than it had been before. If people had seen them, most of them would be confused and thrown off. To the people that knew, well, they just knew.
Uchiha Sasuke was home.
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So yeah, this is the first, sorry for the grammar
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Ayesha Liveblogs Naruto Shippuden S20 (Pt. 3)
I wonder if going after Karin’s Tsukuyomi bulb was happenstance or whether Tobirama went “I smell an Uzumaki” and had at it
“Just be quiet for a bit” How dare you speak to your father this way Sasuke, Kakashi does nothing but love you
“EVERYONE WILL OWN A DOG. GO GET A DOG, HOKAGE’S DECREE!“ you’ve got my vote, Kiba
Mirai as a baby is an absolute unit and I love it
Shikamaru, getting down on one knee in front of Temari: Will you not marry me?
You know what. All these dreams are extremely realistic. I buy it. A teenage boy would totally dream about kicking his friends’ asses for fun even if he had the opportunity to do anything in the world. 10/10 believability 
Sai dreams about being told he has a nice smile and being twirled around by Naruto my boooooy 😭���😭😭😭😭
“[My Sasori transformer] will be the guardian deity of the Sand” Kankuro pls
Omg Temari’s dream is so cute she wants her little brothers to need her
God the fact Gaara’s dream is about having a happy childhood PICK UP THE PHONE RASA I JUST NEED TO TALK
“Madara, don’t you dare talk about the Uchiha. The only one who has that right, is my big brother.” But he did... murder them, Sasuke. That is a thing that happened. My dear. My dude. He done did it.  
Having read Itachi Shinden none of this should be shocking but FUGAKU REALLY YOUR SON IS FOUR WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS
“Listen Itachi, never forget this sight” well he sure won’t now that you’ve given him CHILD PTSD FUGAKU
“We finally have peace, and we must do our best to maintain it” Hmmm.... must you, Fugaku? Is that a thing you must do?
“What is life, anyway?” Damn my existential dread didn’t kick in at least until I was in school, Itachi
Sasuke was such a weird-looking newborn I love him
I wonder how the English dub will deal with the mild implications of inc/est between Itachi and Izumi
Please Mikoto your son is like 6 why are you having him babysit
God I am so used to every version of Itachi having the voice of a grownass man that hearing a child-like voice even when he is 6 is almost off-putting lmao
Full offence Obito but why do you have to be such a little bitch
“Oh good, I knew that you’d be alright” HE’S 6 FUGAKU
Why is Naruto just sitting in a basket on top of his father’s grave??? Who let you do this? Hiruzen what is wrong with you??
“I’m glad that you didn’t die” an accurate representation of Itachi’s social skills at all ages
DFhsdjfhkdsjhfk I love that Itachi has accidentally become these kids’ leader 
AHHHHH I guess that’s Hana next to Itachi I wanna see the cat ninja and dog ninja fight 
“If the fighting can be stopped, I’d like to stop it” Shisui <3 
Itachi’s sweet tooth is so goddamn cute ahhhh what a little nerd
Hhgfkhjfhl SASUKE’S PAW ENCYCLOPEDIA THE PREQUEL THIS IS WHAT I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED
“I mean, [ladies] are clueless” “How dare you insult my woman” Turns out the alcohol this cat was drinking was Respect Women Juice
God I love Minazuki-sensei he’s such a mess
“No they blew away in the wind” guess Itachi hasn’t picked up his snitching tendencies yet lmao
Baby Sasuke has acquired a younger voice too I guess. It is real late in the game to be establishing these lmao
Obito. I’m. Stop???? Please. Is this how Kakashi felt during the war
God I love Shisui the tiny ninja detective they really have left off some of the cooler aspects of being a shinobi in all the wild and flashy jutsu like during the Land of Waves arc when Kakashi kept noticing relatively mundane clues
“Shisui picked up on how I felt right from the beginning” welcome to empathy Itachi
“I’ll hand this intel over to Lord Hokage, and he will deliver a just and fair judgment” I like this ANBU vs. ROOT dichotomy but bold of you to assume Hiruzen won’t ultimately let Danzo do whatever he wants lol
Damn what the shit how does Shisui know who the foundation already isn’t he like 12 
The animation of this arc is nice but also so weird they really did make Itachi and Shisui’s eyes like half of their face
These wholeass adults getting between by two prepubescents lmao 
“A teleportation jutsu has no mass” wait WHAT I have so many questions Shisui what does that MEAN 
“I want to you to think of me as your older brother” HELL YEAH HE DOES
Ffgdfkghkjh what an abrupt voice change between age 8 and 11 Itachi
How many times have they animated these same goddamn Itachi scenes 
Holy shit it’s like they tried to tell the story of the Itachi Shinden novels and then got bored halfway through gfkhgfkhgkjh
“I’m exhaAAAUsted from my mission” Itachi pls why say it like that
“You have the Mangekyo as well?” Fugaku had a friend???? Unrealistic. Blocked
THEY KIDNAPPED NARUTO??? I DON’T REMEMBER THIS IN ITACHI SHINDEN
Genjutsu but I don’t remember that either ?!?!?! Doesn’t Fugaku spend all of Itachi Shinden being emotionally distant and sending Itachi mixed moral messages
Who is the Fugaku hater on this storyboard staff lmao I’m crying
I have a lot of thoughts about this art direction honestly why is everything in the shadows why are the character models so weird why is Itachi suddenly outside in the lightning for his murder discussion meeting instead of inside the council room if you had to shout over lightning people could hear you 
“I challenge you to the high jump” “You’re no match for me” Sasuke you’re the most obnoxious seven-year-old in the world I love it
“There’s something that I’d like you to help me with” a very casual opener when you’re proposing the murder of your entire clan but okay
They really leaned into the horror movie aesthetic huh fair enough 
I have some objections to register about Izumi’s death like both options are weird but at least in Itachi Shinden she wasn’t humiliated by Obito begging for Itachi to save her she had a degree of awareness and it was an impactful if strange scene
FUCK THE TOBI VOICE I KNEW IT WAS COMING BUT I’M WHEEZING
Cute new ED but also the idea of Tobirama giving anyone a fistbump amuses me immensely 
“Who would’ve thought that that scuzzy bearded jerk would’ve been able to use a taijutsu like that” RUDE but also ‘scuzzy’ jhfjghkjhfgj
Omg that’s so funny they literally gave the former owner of Zabuza’s blade the same voice
This doesn’t make any fucking sense how could Juzo have the executioner’s blade when Zabuza would be like 21 when Itachi was 13 oh my god 
“The Hidden Mist doesn’t keep any prisoners” unsurprising but interesting
Is this meant to imply that Juzo is killed and then Zabuza immediately finds the sword and starts a coup because that’s hilarious
Wait how does them fighting the Mizukage make any sense isn’t Yagura under Obito’s control lmao who wrote this
Did Itachi just.... accidentally cripple the Mizukage omg [Zabuza screams in the distance]
Hahahaha I know it’s supposed to be evil but it’s really funny that Kakuzu killed his partner for being too slow
“I wouldn’t know how to cater to your moods” kjfhgkdhfgjh Kakuzu just got wrecked by a thirteen-year-old LMAO 
“I’m not sure what to do with you... whether to kill you right now or find a way to use you” KILL OROCHIMARU, ITACHI, IT’S GONNA SAVE YOU A LOT OF TROUBLE 
Why the hell would Kabuto be hanging out near the Akatsuki anyway isn’t he in a long term infiltration of the Leaf Village lmao or can Orochimaru summon him like a snake
On what basis does Pain decide these partnerships did Kisame and Sasori take a babysitting course or smth
The cutaway without the “This... is art” scene is almost funnier because it implies Itachi just had to flash his eyes at Deidara and Deidara was like, “HELLO AKATSUKI I AM HERE”
“I wouldn’t mind giving you a taste of my art” [insert ninja sex joke about Deidara’s mouth hands here]
Deidara really should not be old enough to be here by this point in the narrative but this entire arc has been wacky timeline wise
Man it must be fucked up to fight a puppet version of your own corpse
“What I really wanted... was to get a hold of Itachi’s body” you are the definition of stranger danger Orochimaru
From what I remember the video games had Kakuzu and Orochimaru approaching Hidan and not Konan and Itachi but I’m game for any Orochimaru erasure lmao
 I’m pretty sure all of that blood was Hidan’s?? World-building whomst
“He licked Kakuzu’s blood” did he though?? Show me his wound Itachi
OMG they’re really heavy-handed with Leaf!Itachi as if we did not just watch a bunch of episodes of Itachi caring about his village like honestly look at this:
Kisame: So even you have feelings for your birthplace, is that it?
Itachi: No. Not at all. [Sasuke, I hope that you’re safe.] 
(Me too Itachi 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭)
“It’s been a long time... Saaasuke” could you say his name a little less weirdly please Itachi
You really can’t get mad at Kakashi for teaching Sasuke chidori Itachi like maybe if you would murder less people Kakashi would feel a little less overprotective
God was the only point of animating and voicing these scenes again so that Itachi could mentally apologize every twelve seconds? You know what fair enough, anxiety and depression be like that sometimes
“You still have people who’ll protect you” Oh plot twist Itachi was actually writing a “Nice” list instead of a “Naughty” list and Kakashi, Jiraiya and Naruto are all on it
Oh yeah I kind of forgot that this was all supposed to be like a 5 minute span for Sasuke’s flashback of Itachi’s entire life lmao
You know.... it’s real unclear to me how Obito wakes up from his trance lmao he may not be in a cocoon but he’s certainly exposed to the light
“Be careful. We’re surrounded on all sides by four of his shadows” “Yeah I know that” Yeah, Naruto knows it, but Sasuke’s warning where the Shadow Madaras are entirely for Kakashi and Sakura’s benefit BC HE WORRIES MY BABY BOYYYY
“This chakra is even way stronger than Ten-Tails” I really heard “Tenten” there and I was like, wait what did I miss with Tenten kfhkjhgkjhg
OH GOOD ANOTHER UCHIHA FLESH MOUNTAIN JUST WHAT WE NEEDED
“They’re turned into White Zetsu” I hate this nonsensical bit of world-building it made more sense and felt less weird when they were Hashirama clones like what the fuck
Oh I can’t believe this is making me feel almost bad for Madara did Zetsu really edit the Uchiha Stone Tablet’s Tsukuyomi section to say “Peace Plans” ain’t that how like the CIA entraps people 
“Hashirama... where did I go wrong” We’d need a lot more time than you have to unpack that Madara
“Countless nights passed” I mean. Was it countless nights. Because I think it was. A couple hours. This war arc spans like two days. I have spent more human hours on this arc than they’ve spent ninja hours in this war
“I can’t believe such a person existed” neither can I Sasuke it’s almost like she was invented specifically for this arc
For real Obito no offence but like why aren’t you dead it just doesn’t make much sense khkjfdhkjhgkjh
Hmmm not 2 be that gal but Kaguya’s voice is v pleasant on the ears 
“Sorry to be so rough with you, Obito” Kakashi. You loving, kind, dumb bitch. He stabbed you THREE TIMES in the past two days you really owe him like -1000 apologies
“This is also one of those times where your body just moves on its own” SASUKE CALLED OUT FOR LOVING HIS COMRADES
“I’ve got to get to Naruto” I love your dedication Minato but I feel as though the loss of both of your arms makes helping more difficult
Kakashi is not NEARLY as surprised about this levitation thing as he should be. I think as this point he’s just like. ‘This might as well happen’
All other things aside Kaguya’s really fun to look at damn
Okay okay okay not to look for too much logic in this ninja show but don’t both Naruto and Sasuke have Six Paths chakra why can only Naruto float is a metaphor for Sasuke’s fall from grace
“I am Kaguya’s child” I can only imagine a Game of Thrones-eque shadow flying out the hooha situation
“Just before the seal took hold, she gave birth to me, in order that she could be restored” I can only assume Kaguya fucked Bitterness and Regret and you know.... fair enough
I gotta tell you Zetsu being the primary narrator of this arc is jarring
Tenji seems kinda nice it’s a shame something terrible will probably happen to him
Say what you will about SP’s animation inconsistencies they can animate some beautiful-ass skies
“Is there anything that you desire” Get u a man like Tenji
Fellas is it gay to sit under the stars with your handmaiden who adores you in comfortable silence
“Even now you’re not scared. That just makes me like you more” take a shot every time a man is Like That (bah dum tss) 
“Do Not Touch Me,” wow Kaguya mood
I will clarify I said that BEFORE she exploded the men gkhkjfhgkhh
Tenji, that Aino lady is your subordinate are you really gonna leave her with the creepy That man u are not the man I thought you were
“Just tell him, and I’m sure that Lord Tenji will forgive you” to be fair Aino you could’ve elaborated u were just like ‘yup she killed them’ and left it at that
WOW I RESCIND ALL COMPLIMENTS TO TENJI CALM DOWN DUDE
When life gives u lemons use people as fertilizer for ur infinite lemon tree I guess
Are you telling me 1) Gamamaru has existed since the DAWN OF CHAKRA and 2) He knew all about this Tsukuyomi shit just like. Kept it on the DL. WHAT KINDA WORLD-BUILDING
Okay but for real did the Otsutsuki clan stem like.... all the clans, because there’s the Kaguya clan (through Hamura I guess?), and the Hyuga clan definitely through Hamura, and then the Senju, Uchiha, and Uzumaki through Hagoromo like just how many people did your kids sleep with and for that matter how long ago was this
“A real talking toad! Think people would like it if we caught it and took it home?” Why are Hagoromo and Hamura the cutest things in the world this is the sibling content we deserve
“You’re just a snake oil salesman, and not a very good one” oh I think I love Hamura oh no I would love a character who gets stuck on the moon 
Take a shot every time a woman exists to die and make a man sad 
“She fell in love with the ruler of this land and in time she became pregnant with the two of you” notice that at no point does Gamamaru say they got married can u believe Kaguya invented premarital sex
You know none of this goes against mine and Sloane’s Kagumo theory
“How can you see so far into a toad’s heart that clearly” Gamamaru and Hagoromo’s interactions are killing me
How much time has passed for Hamura’s hair to grow that long
Hamura @ Kaguya: BROTHERS BEFORE MOTHERS
HOW MUCH TIME HAS PASSED FOR HAGOROMO TO DEVELOP THIS BROW RIDGE SAGE LAND TAKES A TOLL 
Tenji doesn’t even appear in this flashback about love and betrayal it’s just Kaguya being bitter bc her gal Aino died they were in lesbians together
Every so often I’m reminded that Kishimoto has a twin brother and I wonder what he thinks about making the twins fight
“You enabled me to awaken the mangekyo sharingan and rinnegan” how do u even have words for those things. Didn’t they just happen right this moment
Wow this is all very Little Shop of Horrors, Momma feeds the tree with people juice and in turn it wants to protect her from harm
“I split the Ten Tails into nine souls” SOULS? HAGOROMO CAN... JUST MAKE SOULS. COULD HE POINT AT GAMAMARU AND SAY “YOU ARE TWO FROGS NOW” AND THAT’D JUST BE TRUE?
“We won’t be that far apart,” said Hagoromo, just as his brother was about to teleport to the moon
Side note: Maybe ur crops were failing bc without the moon the tides are all out of whack and you know, the moon was apparently just invented right now
“Time passed, and so did Hagoromo” I love this particular literary device
“Time after time I’d approach the reincarnates of Indra and Ashura” okay so we’re supposed to be down for not only regular reincarnation in Naruto but Indra and Ashura ONLY BEING BORN TO THE SENJU AND UCHIHA CLANS REPEATEDLY WHAT WHO WROTE THIS
Does this mean that people Naruto and Sasuke every 50 years????You’d think the Land of Fire would just. Get used to it
“Just with that alone, a thousands years passed” well at least we have some idea of how much time it’s been since Kaguya era lmao 
Ur telling me that this horseshit happened bc Tobirama doesn’t know to leave dead bodies well enough alone
SHHHHH I PREFER THE ZETSU BEING WEIRD HASHIRAMA CLONES
This montage of Zetsu taking credit for everything Madara and Obito did is not appreciated lmao take some responsibility for your actions!!!!
I’m gonna keep harping on this for the rest of the war honestly like where is the ACCOUNTABILITY
“So your teen rebellion continues” LMAO UR NOT WRONG
“I know that this could be our last hurrah, but we gotta give it our best shot” not much of a plan Naruto sweetheart but fair
Tag urself I’m Kakashi’s look of despair at his hormonal students
“And Sasuke? Sorry that my sexy jutsu didn’t work” I was not prepared for the sincerity with which that line was delivered
The Sad Old Man™ energy radiating off Obito is... Immense 
“We’re all ready to die” R U THINKING OF RIN BC SHE WAS READY TO DIE OR BC UR READY TO SEE HER EITHER WAY IT’S SAD KAKASHI
“I want to thank you for helping me out. And for helping Sasuke” “No, there’s no need to thank me” this is the first time Obito has been right about something since the age of 13
“I’m not going to waste time on speeches,” said Obito, in the middle of a dramatic speech 
Minato..... how did you chop the branch.... with no hands to pick up a kunai???????? What kind of yoga contortion was involved
What I imagine the subtext of this scene to be:
Hagoromo: New old son!!!! I am dad now
Hashirama, whose dad was Butsuma: [choking back tears] Okay
Tobirama: I also hate our father
They’re all taking to this “demi-god pops out of the bottom half of dead ex-comrade” thing pretty well but to be fair they’ve had a complicated day
36 notes · View notes
beans-shadow · 5 years
Text
looking for the truth (pt 7)
Fandom: Naruto
Relationship: Kakasaku
Characters: Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Sakura
read on ao3: here
part one / two / three / four / five / six / seven / eight / nine / ten / eleven / twelve / thirteen
After a long night of decoding, Sakura and Kakashi get some breakfast... but are soon interrupted.
Sunlight pierced through the shutters of the kitchen windows, hitting Sakura at the perfect angle to ignite her hair. Pink light reflected throughout the room, casting a bright color on the paper in front of Kakashi.
Kakashi had not gotten a wink of sleep, deciding to stay at the table and work on the scroll. He felt close to figuring out the patterns, but it would still require some time. But it didn't seem he would be getting much longer: the light hit Sakura in the eye, and completely aware of every one of Sakura's movements, Kakashi braced himself for her morning malaise as she twitched awake.
"Wha-what?" She looked around, realizing she never returned to the bedroom. The blanket covering her small body came into focus, and she peered up at Kakashi with a perplexed smile but the man refused to look up from his work.
"Good morning," he greeted her.
"Good morning," she responded in kind. "Where's Pakkun?"
A half-shrug. "He said he had some stuff to take care of. Most likely he found my stash of treats at my apartment and wanted to get back to a lazy life at the leaf village without me."
He could feel Sakura examining him once again with her medical eyes, but he refused to look up.
Finally, she said. "How about we call it a night and get some breakfast? You've been working nonstop. Every good ninja needs to replenish their energy."
As though he put some thought into the suggestion, Kakashi waited a moment before responded. "I suppose," he said, although his stomach demanded food. He was starving. But he didn't want to show it.
After rising from the table, Sakura pulled out the scroll from Kakashi's grasp. "Let's get going then, old man." Tucking the scroll into her pocket she departed to change in the other room.
Old man?
The expected aggravation Kakashi felt when someone called him old man rose to the surface of his consciousness, but something else troubled him about the way Sakura had said it. But she'd said it like she always did, not any different than when Naruto annoyed him, or when Kurenai coddled him…
So why did it bother him even more so than usual?
At a lonely booth, Kakashi and Sakura munched on their breakfast in silence. Without his forehead protector, Kakashi felt exposed and kept his eyes down, solemnly pushing around his mush of a meal. Sakura on the other hand barely blinked as she stared at him straight on as if she was under the impression she could will him to speak with her. But there was no new information to discuss that was pertinent to the mission, and therefore Kakashi resolved there was nothing to talk about.
They almost reached a full half an hour of silence when a couple approached their table.
"Hello there! We need one more pair for our game! Would you be so kind as to join us?" One of the women giggled, lightly touching the shoulder of her wife.
"A game?" Kakashi's voice came out crackly from the lack of use. He cleared his throat, then asked, "What type of game?"
The wife clapped her hands together in excitement. "Oh wait, I recognize you two! The man with ravishing gray hair, and the beau with locks the color of flowers. You're Hate Kakashi and Haru Sakura, the couple Futoshi will not stop talking about! You must join us now!" Without waiting for a reply, the two women took a hold of both Kakashi and Sakura and dragged them away from their food to a private room of the dining area.
"We really need to stop frequenting establishments that cultivate heathens approaching us," Kakashi muttered under his breath, running his fingers through his hair subconsciously.
"Oh stop it, they're just being friendly," Sakura chastised him, matching his volume. But then her tone took a dark turn when she continued, "Although I suppose you're unfamiliar with the term."
"What?" Kakashi reached out to Sakura, but the wife and husband ripped them apart, thrusting them into seats on opposite sides of the table. It seemed that three other couple arranged themselves in the same way. Stacks of paper lay in front of each person, but no one was paying attention to that as they were all looking at…
"Futoshi?" Sakura exclaimed, beating Kakashi to the outburst.
The young man turned in place at the head of the table. His face immediately brightened when he recognized Sakura.
"Ah, young Haru! And mister Hata! This is wonderful, truly, quite wonderful!"
"What is happening," Kakashi leaned forward, voice deep. Before Futoshi could open his mouth, Sakura slapped Kakashi's hand from the table.
"Isn't it obvious?" She asked him, rolling her eyes. "This is the newlywed game."
Kakashi almost choked. "The what now?"
"The newlywed game!" Futoshi repeated, writing out the words beautifully on the whiteboard behind him. "Here we test couple's knowledge of one another, to make sure they are truly deserving of each other! It is just a blast!" He started setting up a point system on the board.
Leaning back in his chair, Kakashi crossed his arms. "I'm afraid Sakura and I do not qualify, then, since we are simply engaged, not married."
The husband to his right waved his hand in the air. "Oh, that is quite alright. The prerequisite for the game is just nominal." The man tapped Kakashi on the arm.
"Wonderful," Kakashi deadpanned.
"Well, shall we get started?" Futoshi asked. From a deep coat pocket, Futoshi pulled out a small stack of notecards. "We'll go back in forth for who is trying to get the correct answer; the left side of the table… my left, of course, and then the right." Sakura sat up in her chair, ready to answer. Kakashi just lazily gripped his pen. "First question! Starting simple: what was their first pet?"
My first pet?... Kakashi mused. Unfortunately, Sakura would be getting this one wrong. While she did know Pakkun was the first ninken entrusted under Kakashi's care, Kakashi did not consider his dogs to be his pets. They were his family, and anything less would be downright disrespectful to the dogs. With a sigh, Kakashi scribbled down his answer: never owned a pet.
"Alright, time is up!" Futoshi announced, hands folded behind his back. "Let's see what the couples said… first up, the guessers. Asahi?"
The man furthest from Kakashi on the opposite side of the table bashfully flipped his piece of paper. "Yuiko grew up with a calico cat."
Nodding, Futoshi looked to Yuiko. "And?..." Smiling, Yuiko spun her paper around. Futoshi clapped once. "Nice going, Endos! That's one point for you guys." He turns around to add a tally mark under the name Endo, and continues down the table. Everyone of course got the question correct, and Kakashi finally became uneasy as Futoshi reached him and Sakura. If they do not get this one right, will it be obvious they aren't a true couple? Did Kakashi just blow their entire cover?
"So, Sakura: what was Kakashi's first pet?" Futoshi asked the pinkette.
Resting her elbow on the table, Sakura smiled at Futoshi. "Well, this one was quite easy, Futoshi," She said. Oh Kami, why was she drawing this out?Kakashi thought. That will just make it worse when we don't get a point.
"Oh?" Futoshi smiled back at Sakura, a bit too affectionate. "Why is that?"
"Because Kakashi never owned an animal, and still doesn't to this day." Sakura flipped her paper with one hand, and sure enough, she had written none.
"Kakashi?" Futoshi snapped Kakashi out of his transfixion of Sakura and her answer. "Is your fiancé correct?"
"Oh, uh, yes." Kakashi turned his paper over, revealing his answer: never had one.
Futoshi grinned. "Perfect. You all get a point for this round!" He added a tally under Hata, despite their unhinged status. "That was just a warm-up round, so I'm glad you all got that right. Moving on from physical facts, we'll take a dive into the dynamics of the relationship! Let's go!" Futoshi flipped the next card. "Remember, the other side is guessing what their partner thinks of this question. Now, what is your partner's favorite romantic gesture?" Futoshi added a little flourish with a wink and shoulder raise, letting the couples crouch over their cards to answer.
Ugh, Kakashi almost recoiled at the question. He wasn't one to be fond of romantic gestures, but his was Sakura they were answering for. That woman fell head over heels for romance: hell, she grew her hair out for Sasuke simply due to a rumor. But Kakashi also did not want to reveal too much about one another, so he wrote down a plain, general answer.
Futoshi went around the table, and Kakashi had to keep his eyes forward to force himself from rolling them. The Endo husband claimed he enjoyed love notes, which Yuiko correctly claimed as well. The wife that had grabbed Kakashi advocated for a romantic, candle-lit dinner and matched her wife's answer. The third couple also paired, with the wife enjoying a nice serenade.
When it came to Kakashi's turn, he shrugged and showed his card. "Chocolate." Sakura's eye twitched, so slight only a non-shinobi would miss it. Without prompt, she turned over her own card, which read deep, vulnerable conversation.
"Already getting one wrong?" Futoshi shook his head. I'm sure you'll be able to bounce back," he assured Sakura and Kakashi. When he turned, Sakura threw the most confused, crushed look at Kakashi. It was common knowledge among Konoha that the elite medic nin hated chocolate. After many suitors tried to vie for her attention with assortments of treats and chocolate in vain, they finally learned to change tactics. Still, nothing worked to sway Sakura. And perhaps Kakashi used to be the one she complained to about such endeavors of the hopeless men. But Kakashi shrugged and looked away. Yes, maybe he knew that about her. So what? He could have forgotten, right? But he hadn't. He couldn't.
"Let's move on," Futoshi said. "If your partner could have a super power, what would it be? Now, let's try to be chaste about our answers!" Futoshi shook his finger.
The other couples laughed at Futoshi's suggestion, but Kakashi just sat there, wondering. He was a ninja, so as for mundane standards, he already possessed a lot of power. What more could he want?
Oh, of course! Kakashi knew what his answer would be, but it was so out of place, he wrote down something more expected of a civilian. He laughed to himself. If only he could have what he truly desired.
As answers came in, nothing surprised Kakashi. He'd already analyzed each couple, and based on their slouches, their nervous ticks and side conversations, he anticipated their responses. Calico-wife wanted to the ability to grow taller. One of the wives wanted to read minds, and the husband wanted super-strength. How cliché. Although Kakashi was not any better in appearance when he answered, "wall climbing."
What happened next did surprise Kakashi.
When Sakura tilted her head to the side at Kakashi's odd answer (considering they both knew he could walk on walls) and held up her card, Kakashi's mouth fell open under his mask.
Forgetting book plots.
"What a specific answer!" Futoshi commented, hands on his hips. "Care to explain, Sakura?"
Still gazing at Kakashi, Sakura answered as if her mind were elsewhere. "Kakashi loves reading. He even reads at a slower pace sometimes to savor the moment. I just thought he would like to reread books completely, experiencing that moment once again."
Futoshi jumped in place. "That is just adorable! I can't believe she knows you so well, Kakashi."
Kakashi could not either, as it was exactly what he thought of before he wrote down is lame answer. Everyone knew about his obsession with Itcha Itcha, but to actually come up with that response took careful consideration and a deep evaluation of his wants. It was, simply put, very thoughtful.
The same event occurred over and over, with Sakura answering spot-on to Kakashi's questions (What type of nature do they enjoy the most? The forest, up in the trees. When was the last time your partner bought new clothes? Months ago. Signature dance move? Butt thrust against Guy) while he switched out what he knew was the truth for something obviously false. Best friends? Ino became Sara. Favorite activity? Studying became baking. Time after time, Sakura grew more agitated as Futoshi admonished their lack of synchronization and their score grew more dismal in comparison to the other couples.
After a round where Kakashi claimed Sakura hated her nose, Sakura rose from the table. Fists and jaw clenched, she asked Futoshi, "Would you mind if I excused myself and Kakashi for a moment?"
The fear at the table was palpable. Clutching his cards close to his chest, Futoshi nodded. Sakura circled the table and took a hold of Kakashi with a considerable amount of chakra to prevent any resistance. To dampen suspicion of foul play, Kakashi summoned some of his own so he did not go flying through the wall as she tosses him through the door outside.
"What's wrong?" Kakashi asked as Sakura crossed her arms and tapped her foot.
Throwing her arms in the air, Sakura let out a small yell. "Why do you keep lying? It's obvious you are just making up answers to all of those questions!"
Rubbing the back of his neck, Kakashi found a potted plant to his right to be very interesting at that moment. "They might find out too much about us if I'm actually honest."
Sakura hit him in shoulder, eliciting a sharp hiss of pain from Kakashi and finally capturing his attention. "Put things in perspective! That doesn't matter right now. The best lies have some form of truthfulness to make them feel authentic." She stops. "Do you know the answers to those questions?" She looked so heartbroken, just like when he had answered chocolate.
Without thinking, Kakashi responded. "Of course, I know the answers." Shit. He didn't mean to admit that. Why did he not want to? What was wrong with assuring her that he knew her as well as she knew him (which was bewilderingly very, very well)?
Shaking her head, Sakura wilted and kept bowling him with questions. "Then what are you so afraid of? Exposing yourself a bit? Do you not care about this mission? Do you not care about anything?"
Her accusation, now the second of this journey, left Kakashi empty. "Of course, I care!" He exclaimed, much more loudly than he meant to.
Fiddling with her hair, Sakura pulled her pink strands tight. "That is the most emotion I've ever seen you display in the past twelve hours." She shook her head again, covering her beautifully sad face with one hand. "I thought we were past this, after our conversation from before. I thought you were going to be more open, let your guard down just a little bit." Letting her hand fall to her side, she now wouldn't stop looking at the plant that had Kakashi had found so intriguing before. "But you still act so aloof all the time! How am I supposed to tell how you're feeling when you never show it?"
Now Kakashi realized his mistake.
Of course. I'm such an idiot.
For a second too long, Kakashi remained silent until he shook himself out of his self-wallowing and reached out to Sakura. The touch was light, timid, but it still caused her to jerk her head up and stare at him with that heartbreakingly confused look again. "I'm so sorry… I just look to when this is all resolved, when everything is fine and we can be real friends again, I didn't think about how you're hurting in the present… no wonder you think I don't care."
"Real friends…again?" Sakura asked, eyes wide.
Retreating from Sakura, Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck again. "Yeah, I was hoping when we got back to Konoha to… you know, hang out more. I don't know why I stopped visiting, but I wanted to make it up to you. I just thought here, it wasn't the right place… I don't know…" he found himself rambling, an act he never found himself committing.
But something he said had been the right thing. This time, Sakura reached out to the gray-haired ninja and grounded him.
"Why does everything have to be two steps forward, one step backward with you?" She smiled, so soft, as if he were an animal that could be spooked with any quick movements. "How about instead of waiting until we're back home to be real friends, we just be real friends now? Would that be okay?"
Sakura's eyes twitched down as they noticed Kakashi's gray mask stretch from his big smile. "That sounds amazing."
When they returned to the game, Kakashi's arm slung around Sakura's shoulders, Futoshi grinned wide and winked at the pair.
"Lover's quarrel?" He asked.
"Far from it," both Sakura and Kakashi answered, sharing a knowing glance.
As they returned to their seats, Sakura smiled wide and happy, the happiest she'd been the whole trip. Kakashi smiled back, admiring her.
Friends.
Why did that make his stomach summersault?
After the conclusion of the game, Sakura and Kakashi laughed at their almost-come back as they walk back to their room.
"Honestly, it was pretty embarrassing how easy it was to earn back those lost points," Sakura admonished.
"Yeah, embarrassing," Kakashi repeated, smiling down at Sakura in adoration.
Unaware of his gaze Sakura gestured widely. "I mean, we aren't actually a—" Sakura caught herself before exposing their cover, and resumed walking normally. "But we still did a whole lot better than those other couples, even if we didn't end up winning."
"Yeah," Kakashi said again, dumbly. He was still living the high of making Sakura laugh and smile when his answers matched her own—sometimes to her own shame. Her catchphrase? Shannarō. A sure-fire way to get on her nerves? Spreading science factoids. There were less embarrassing ones, like her favorite season (fall), and what instrument she wished she could play (drums, to lay off some stress).
"Whatever, that was a good mind break for our primary task." Finding themselves at their door, Sakura searched for the key and let themselves back into the large suite. "Now we can lock ourselves in and really try and crack this scroll."
"Actually, about that…" Kakashi messed with his mask. "As we were leaving, Futoshi asked if we could attend a picnic this evening. And I couldn't find a way to say no."
"Seriously?" Sakura fell into a chair at the kitchen table, tossing the scroll next to her. "Man, I'm not sure how much socializing I can handle in one day."
"You're telling me," Kakashi agreed, taking residence in the chair to her right. "But he was very adamant, and I thought it unwise to refuse the Daimyo's son."
"Whatever, we'll get through it. Now let's get working!" Sakura tapped the table rhythmically as Kakashi opened the scroll.
"We?" Kakashi arched an eyebrow at her. "It felt like I was the only one doing the work last night."
With a huff, Sakura rolled her eyes. "Hush. I can be of help."
It seemed that Sakura's idea of helping was rummaging around the kitchen supplying words of unneeded advice (did you try a foursquare cypher?) or preparing small snacks to "keep his brain energy up".
"I've already figured out the code, Sakura, it just takes time to translate the rest of the scroll. The flow of the message is not intuitive, making it a bit difficult."
"Oh wow! Amazing! One step closer to returning home!" Sakura exclaimed, sliding Kakashi a pile of crackers.
Home. It would be nice to go back home and finish that book he left on the nightstand, Kakashi thought. But he was enjoying this time alone—this time with Sakura.
"Tell me about yourself, Sakura. It will help me concentrate," Kakashi said out of the blue. In honesty, he wanted to find out just how much she'd changed since she was a chuunin. Her belief system, her thoughts, her ideas for the future.
"Hmm," Sakura crunched on a cracker. "I mean, you already know more than the average person. You taught me the basics of being a ninja, you watched me grow up, you made me aware of the dangers of the outside world." As Kakashi reached for a piece of cracker of his own, Sakura looked away as an offering of privacy.
"Okay, how about I ask some questions?"
Sakura nodded.
"What do you really think of Lady Tsunade? She can be quite a hard-ass."
"Kakashi! That's your hokage!" Sakura blurted, pushing his arm to the side. "Oh, shoot, sorry, I messed up your decoding."
"It's quite alright, I can start over. But truly, you must have some stories to spill. I'd like some blackmail."
Sakura snorted. "There is no way I'm telling you those stories!"
With a grin, Kakashi looked up. "So, there are some!"
"Shit, I didn't…" flustered, Sakura got up from the table, taking the snacks with her. "No more food for you! It's making you too inquisitive."
"Fine, fine. How about your view on Konoha?" Kakashi turned serious.
From the sink, Sakura asked, "What do you mean?"
Connecting a new word to the message, Kakashi said, "Our village does not always send us on missions that are as relaxed as this. We have a dark past; you're just as well acquainted with the Uchiha disaster as I am. What is your stance on that?"
The sink continued running, but the rummaging of dish-ware ceased. Solemn, Sakura returned to the chair. "I used to believe in angels, something good in everything I see. Pushing through the darkness. I used to be innocent, but then I grew skeptical after I learned more. How could the world be pure, if it allowed such hatred and death everywhere? I admit my faith fell. But then, after watching Naruto over the years, I my belief returned. There is the good in the world, it just takes effort to realize it. Naruto saved our village by connecting with the goodness in people's hearts. Everyone can be good if they try. So, I'm willing to help others the same way, and to help Naruto reach his goal of spreading good in this world and eventually become Hokage."
"Spoken like a true soldier of Konoha."
Sakura shook her head. "Maybe that's true, and maybe I have been indoctrinated. But it's not like Konoha tries to convince us we are heroes; we are soldiers. Besides, I think I've seen enough of the world to have solidified my own beliefs by now." She gave Kakashi a curious glance. "Do you not think you've outgrown Sarutobi sensei's teachings? You certainly provide a very different view of the world and how our village is run."
"You have any other beliefs?" As usual, Kakashi ignored the question.
Will a roll of her eyes, Sakura responded, "Nothing can capture the heart quite like a melody can." She gave Kakashi a knowing smirk, well aware of her old sensei's deflective tactics.
Rising from the table once more, she walked away humming to return to the dishes. With a shake and smile, Kakashi returned to the scroll.
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elfrootaddict · 4 years
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GROWING PAINS - Chapter 2/6
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DESCRIPTION: Change. Growth. Hard truths. As the Inquisition’s Lady Herald, El’lana must step-up and help establish the orders’ influence. Many lessons are learnt and life-altering decisions are made. 
SERIES: Halla & Wolf
VOLUME: 4
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“You ready to go kid?” asks Varric as he pops his head into Lana’s tent with Bianca rightly strapped across his back, and his chest chair exposed for all the world to see. Despite the fact that it is almost below freezing outside.
Lana offers a slight, polite nod instead of the truth. The truth being that her heart is pounding faster at every passing moment with the possibility of running into a real life-and-death situation today.
As Lana leaves her tent, she looks down at the ring that Tamara gave her almost two months ago and tries to steel her heart and mind. If she dies, then she will never see her family again. If someone gives her no choice, she will have to do what is necessary. At least, she hopes she can.
Lana walks towards her companions at the edge of the camp and sees Scout Harding discussing the day's route, “As I said to the Herald last night, follow this small path east, pass Calenhad’s Foothold, and you’ll see the path wind down north. The village will be at the end of that path.”
“Thank you,” responds Cassandra sternly. “We should be back before nightfall.”
Following Cassandra’s lead, Lana, Solas and Varric begin their small trek to the Crossroads Village. The day, albeit cold, appears to be a good one as the sky is clear with only a few scattered clouds and no icy breeze whipping through the trees.
Although the rest of her party has their weapons sheathed, Lana decides to keep her staff out just in case while simultaneously using it as a convenient walking stick. Every step she takes, every bend around a large boulder, she clutches tighter onto her staff’s handle. Her knuckles slowly turn white, and her jaw clenches down harder as her eyes continuously dart back and forth, fixating on every single rustle in the bushes or birds fluttering in the trees.
Suddenly, a hand is placed on her shoulder and she lashes out with her staff at the unfortunate soul behind her. Luckily, Solas is quicker to react and manages to grab her staff before it connects with his face, “Careful now, da’len.”
“Creators Solas, you scared the shit out of me!”
“My apologies. I simply thought you might want this,” Solas releases his grip on her staff and extends out his other hand, wherein Solas reveals a single branch of elfroot with it’s long stem branching off into larger, single leaves. “To help with the nerves.”
Bewildered, Lana takes the unseemly plant known for its numerous healing properties from Solas and murmurs with a sincere smile, “Ma serannas,” and continues walking alongside him. “Where did you find some?”
“I went foraging this morning at first light. It’s good to be—”
“Quiet!” whispers Cassandra as she kneels close to the ground, hiding behind a boulder. “There’s a group of mages up ahead. Be prepared.” and slowly draws out her sword.
Solas, Varric and Lana quickly huddle together low to the ground and hide behind Cassandra’s flank, shielded by the large boulder and some tall, thick bushes. With the elfroot still in Lana’s hand, she quickly plucks a single leaf off the plant's stem, and begins to chew frantically. The rest is then quickly put in a pouch attached to her belt for later.
With everybody’s weapons now drawn, and ready to defend themselves if need be, Lana’s heart begins to thrash inside her chest. With Cassandra being a Seeker, Lana begins to worry that Cassandra might find any excuse to hunt down apostates - just like the templars. But hopefully, based on Cassandra’s behaviour so far, Lana doesn’t believe Cassandra would seek or enjoy killing others unnecessarily. Even if they are apostates.
With each passing moment however, Lana’s heart luckily begins to slow and her nerves settle. With her mind beginning to clear, she can focus on her breathing and ability to open herself up to the Fade. Her sense of control slowly creeps up in the back of mind. All thanks to the wonders of the humble elfroot plant.
“They’re gone,” declares Cassandra eventually as she sheathes her sword. “They’ve gone west and luckily we’re headed north.” and with the imminent danger now gone, the group begins to relax and continue their way through the Hinterlands.
With the elfroot effectively calming her nerves, Lana's mind begins to drift from her anxiety to appreciating being amongst nature once again instead. Where the dirt is rightly nestled underneath her feet, the grass tickling her toes, and the trees being only a few arm-lengths away from her touch. The Hinterlands may not come close to what she had in the Free Marches, but it is a damn sight better than being cooped up by the cold, lifeless stone walls of Haven.
Lana quietly chuckles amongst herself as she knows Lhoris would hate this place. The amount of impossibly steep hills to trek on a daily basis, and where the trees are too thin and dense to climb quickly enough, and the rivers too shallow to catch a decent sized fish. Nevertheless, to just see her family again would bring Lana no greater joy in the world. Even if it was just to hear Lhoris complain, or Tamara fret over something trivial, or to listen to one of the Keeper’s timeless life lessons that Lana has already heard for the hundredth time.
Now having passed the rubble castle that once displayed the great and mighty Calenhad Foothold, Varric soon spots a sign - Crossroads Village - lying broken and scorched on the ground at the bottom of the hill.
“Something’s up,” remarks Varric cautiously. “Signs don’t fall down on their own. Or catch alight.”
“Agreed,” adds Cassandra, drawing her sword and furrowing her brows. “Stay alert.”
The party readies their weapons once again and slows down their pace as they turn in half circles so that they can catch anything out of place. Still following the path north, the group carefully wind their way through a tall, narrow stone passage and after a long, tortuous time of staying alert, Lana suddenly hears small muffled cries in the nearby distance, “Wait. Do you guys hear that?”
“I do,” answers Cassandra with concern. “There’s fighting up ahead in the village. Come on!” and then jolts into a run, causing the rest of the party to follow suit.
With their sudden and hastened departure towards the fighting, a surge of adrenaline courses through Lana’s body. With the shouting growing closer and louder, Lana tries to take several deep breaths to calm her nerves as she opens herself up to the Fade.
With the burning desire and full intent of seeing her family again, she tries to harden her heart and mind for her first battle against real, living  people. If this was a battle against demons, she would have no problem,  or hesitation, of ridding the world of them. She knows how to defend herself against demons and has done it her whole life. She knows how they think and how they behave. They’re simple, mindless and crude creatures.
But to kill another person? That is something else entirely. People are complex. They have friends, family and contain both good and evil within. However, for the sake of her family and the fact that only she can close the rifts, she cannot allow herself to die on moral principles. There is just far too much at stake and her mark is just too valuable.
As Lana draws from the Fade her staff’s head glows with a white-blue light. She then lunges her staff in the air and the magic expels out and over her companions, coating them in protective spirit magic. Solas notices Lana doing this and turns with an impressive, unexpected smile.
That is when their path suddenly opens up to the entrance of the little Crossroads Village and they can see three mages and two templars fighting to the death. From only a quick glance, Lana notices several dead bodies already littering the humble village. Blood and dirt intermixed and covering almost the entire village��s centre.
From what Lana can also quickly discern in a matter of seconds, is that most of the bodies appear to be that of mages and templars, but to Lana’s horror she then notices a few villages amongst the dead, too.
Now feeling angry and truly disgusted by the mindless slaughter of these innocent villagers, Lana decides to not heed the Keeper’s words this time and decides to use her fury to anchor her. For these mages and templars may not be demons, but they certainly act like them. Mindlessly slaughtering whomever is in their wake to justify their end goal.
With the enemies in sight, Cassandra runs ahead of the party and straight towards the heat of the battle while Varric takes a sharp turn left around a large boulder. Lana decides to run ahead with Cassandra to cover her flank with her shield magic, but Solas grabs her by the arm and yanks her to the right instead, “This way!” and leads Lana to a boulder with a better view over the village and battlefield.
As they reach the edge, Lana watches Cassandra take down two mages in almost one swoop of her blade. With the skill of an experienced warrior, Cassandra lunges her blade through one of the mage’s necks, and then immediately follows with bashing the second one down to the ground with her shield before running her sword through their chest. As she removes her sword, the last mage screams in a high pitched, grueling cry over their slaughtered companions and pulls out a knife.
“Blood magic!” warns Lana from above towards Cassandra.
But without a moment's hesitation, and his gaze already locked onto the blood mage, Solas quickly intervenes. Raising his arms up and then immediately lunging them back down, Lana witnesses a surge of white-blue magic fall down hard on the blood mage, immediately rendering them incapable of standing upright no matter how hard they try to defy the weight of the magic pushing down on them. Taking the opportunity, Cassandra lunges forward with a wide arch of her sword and slices the mage’s head clean off.
Having just witnessed such grotesque violence for the first time, Lana’s stomach begins to turn in knots and she needs to be sick. But with no bush or shrub nearby, Lana spins on her heel, falls to her knees, and lunges herself over the edge of the boulder as she relieves herself of the morning’s oatmeal.
Meanwhile, Varric has managed to take out one of the two templars, and just as Cassandra turns around from the beheaded mage, the remaining templar bashes Cassandra’s face in with his shield, knocking her off her feet.
“Halt!” cries Cassandra as she flails her sword hand in the air in an attempt to de-escalate the situation. “We are not apostates!”
“I do not think they care, Seeker!” shouts Solas from the boulder’s edge, and then turns to Lana. “Come, we need to get down there.”
Ignoring Cassandra’s plea, the templar brings his sword down regardless but she manages to block his attack with her shield just in time. With the templar’s back turned to Varric however, he quickly fires three perfectly aimed arrows straight through the templar with the arrow heads sprouting out on the other side. The templar drops his sword and shield as he falls to his knees and lands face first in the dirt.
Solas and Lana come around the bend to catch up with Cassandra and Varric in the middle of the little village, “Is that all of them?” askes Lana nervously. “Please tell me—”
Suddenly, as Lana turns her head she sees five more templars running down a path from the west and two more mages from behind a burning house in the east, leaving Lana and her companions completely surrounded and caught in the middle.
Without hesitation, Lana refreshes her protective barrier over her party while Solas simultaneously slams his staff onto the ground causing an explosive force of spirit magic to shoot up and out towards the oncoming templars, knocking the closest three completely off their feet and hurling them several paces back in the air. Their weapons rip out their hands and their helmets shoot off their heads as they land violently back on the ground, rendering them unconcious.
Varric then aims Bianca up towards the sky and fires five consecutive arrows into the air. With the wind’s direction taken into consideration, the arrows then curve perfectly back down towards the unconscious templars and pierces them through their armour, effectively pinning them to the ground.
Meanwhile, Lana takes a brief moment to look at Solas from behind in awe over such impressive, powerful magic. She also manages to take a quick mental note over the spell itself and the stance Solas used when performing it. With both of them pulling from the Fade simultaneously, Lana is able to feel the arcane energy surrounding Solas, and can tap into understanding how he did what he did. Being able to understand the magic used by another mage is like an unspoken language, and is impossible to describe to anyone who isn’t a mage.
Suddenly, a ball of fire flies past Lana, and hits one of the two remaining templars instead. The templar drops her weapon and begins screaming murderous cries of pain as she violently burns to death right before Lana’s very eyes. The smell of a burning flesh quickly hits Lana’s nose and she feels the need to be sick once again.
But with so much going on however, she manages to swallow her bile and takes a quick deep breath as spins on her heel to expel a wall of ice tall and wide enough to cover her and her parties eastern side. The same mage releases another ball of fire towards Lana’s ice wall but luckily Lana’s connection to the Fade is strong, and her ice wall absorbs the fire with ease.
“We are not templars!” shouts Solas from behind Lana and towards the mages as he carefully peers over the ice wall. “We mean you no harm!”
“I don’t think they’re listening, chuckles.” remarks Varric as he peers around the edges of the ice wall to shoot several arrows in the fire mages chest.
Cassandra then runs around the ice wall and straight towards the last remaining mage, deflecting their magical attacks with her shield. Unfortunately for the mage, Cassandra is just too quick before another spell is ready to be cast, and she runs her sword all the way through the mage’s chest, lifting them off their feet before kicking them off her sword with her boot. The mage clearly dead before they even hit the ground.
While Lana stands in shock and denial over the continued horror before her eyes, Solas slams his staff back down onto the ground and a focused bolt of lightning shoots out from the staff’s head, shocking a templar to their knees. Sprinting past the party and towards the templar, Cassandra swiftly kicks them onto their back and lunges her sword through their throat, piercing all the way through and into the ground.
With no more obvious threats around to look out for, Lana numbly watches Cassandra remove her sword from the dead templar’s throat and witnesses a seemingly endless flow of blood spew and gush out from the fatal wound.
After a while of waiting for more mages or templars to appear, the group eventually relaxes as they realise that the fighting is finally over and even if there are any left, they have most likely scattered deep into the forest by now.
“Is everyone alright?” asks Cassandra as she rests her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath. “Herald? Are you hurt?”
“No, I’m fine,” answers Lana with relief. “You’ve got a nasty cut on your forehead though. Here, let me heal you.”
“No that won’t be necessary,” refuses Cassandra with a brief wave of her hand as she stands up straight. “We can attend to our wounds after we’ve found the villagers.”
“Agreed,” adds Solas with concern. “Let us search for them, together.”
“Very well,” remarks Cassandra with a subtle nod before turning to Varric. “Stay here with the Herald. We’re going to look around.”
“You got it,” concurs Varric with a nod as Cassandra runs east and Solas west, and then turns back around to regard Lana with a gentle smile as he folds his arms across his chest. “You did good, kid.”
“Thanks,” murmurs Lana sheepishly, but then turns around sorrowfully as she sees the bloodied village with all the corpses surrounding her and Varric. “It’s uh... it’s just a lot to take in right now. There’s so much—”
Then suddenly and unexpectedly, at the corner of Lana’s eye, she catches a glimpse of a templar viciously leap off a boulder's edge just behind Varric. With his helmet removed and an arrow sprouting from his shoulder, she sees the murderous, vengeful and monstrous intent in his eyes. His mouth stretched out wide as he roars out a loud, intimidating cry.
And as if in slow motion and in a blink of an eye, Lana instinctively pushes Varric aside with her left arm while simultaneously slamming her staff onto the ground, just as Solas did moments before, with her right. With her connection to the Fade still strong she expels an explosive direct force that sends the, still mid-air templar, flying several paces back and across the village. The templar violently crashes into a fallen tree at an alarming force, and once the dust surrounding the templar settles, her heart immediately drops to her stomach as she notices a razor sharp, broken branch the size of a man’s arm sprouting through the left side of the templar’s chest, just above his breastplate. Panicked over what she has just done, Lana gasps for air as she sprints towards the impaled templar.
Flailing her staff to the side, she crashes to her knees and tries to assess the damage she has just done, “No! No! No! Creators, no!” her hands begin shaking uncontrollably as she hovers over the templar’s impaled body, unsure of what to do next. “You’re… you’re going to be okay! I’ll… I’ll heal you! We just got to get this out!”
“Lana!” shouts Varric from behind as he starts running towards her.
Still on her knees and her eyes filled with frightful tears, she turns to Varric still running towards her, “No, please! Help me! We need to help him!” and turns back around to regard the unconscious templar.
Having finally reached her side, Varric cries out sympathetically, “Listen, even if we got it out—”
The templar eventually gains some sense back and quickly notices Lana assessing his fatal wound. With vengeance firing in his eyes, he swings his right arm up to tightly grab Lana by the throat as he shouts. “Don’t you fucking touch me… you demon!” and spits into Lana’s face. But with so much blood loss, the templar quickly loses his remaining strength and releases his grip around her neck.
With his blood starting to slowly choke him from within, the templar begins coughing violently as blood spills out his mouth and down his armour in disturbing volume.
Ignoring the warm blood and saliva on her face, Lana presses her hands lightly around the base of the branch sprouting from the templar’s chest and then releases a white-blue pulsing energy as she desperately, and illogically, attempts to heal him, “I’m sorry…” cries Lana hysterically gasping for breath. “I'm so, so sorry! I didn’t mean to do it… I didn’t want to hurt you… I only wanted… I only wanted you to get away...”
“Herald!” cries Cassandra from afar as she runs towards them. “Step away!”
Solas also makes his way back, and once hearing his arrival, Lana looks up from the templar and cries, “Solas, please help me! There must be something you can do! We have to try! Please!”
Cassandra and Varric look at Solas with concern as he drops his head and sighs, “Ir abelas, lethallan,” and slowly kneels down next to Lana sympathetically. “He’s already dead.”
Unable to comprehend what she is hearing, Lana fixates her distressed lavender eyes onto Solas as tears still fall down her flushed cheeks. Eventually and ever so slowly, Lana reluctantly turns back towards the templar and confronts his lifeless body lying pinned to the fallen tree with his eyes glazed over, staring into nothing.
With Lana still using her healing magic on the dead templar, Solas subtly lays a hand upon Lana’s and gently guides them away. Once releasing his touch, Lana slowly brings her hands to her lap while still focusing on the templar before her. The templar’s warm blood now dripping from her hands and onto her specially made Dalish robe, permanently staining the fabric and intricately woven details.
Realizing it is truly over and there is nothing more she can do, the reality hits her like a ton of bricks falling on her chest. Exhausted from her hysterical crying, her breathing eventually slows as Lana becomes despondent while she continuously stares at the lifeless eyes of the templar before her. The man - the stranger - she killed.
After a moment of deafening silence, Cassandra eventually murmurs sternly, “This man meant you harm, Herald, and if he had succeeded the world would be in grave peril without you and your mark. You did what you had to do. Better it be him, than you,” but without so much as a response or inkling of acknowledgement from Lana, Cassandra sighs and decides its best to move on. “Varric, I need you to come with me. We must make our way back to camp as we need more men to secure the area and restore the village.”
“Of course,” murmurs Varric, locking his concerned gaze on Lana still lying on the ground.
“Solas,” utters Cassandra as she turns to regard the mage. “I trust you will look out for our Herald in the meanwhile?”
Solas looks up towards Cassandra and offers a subtle nod of agreement. With nothing more to say, Cassandra turns to leave the village. But before departing however, Varric moves in closer to place his hand on Lana’s shoulder and murmurs. “You… you just saved my life, kid. Thank you.” and quietly steps away to catch up with Cassandra.
With Cassandra and Varric now gone behind the rocky valley, Solas stands up and extends a hand to Lana, “Come.”
Lana slowly turns her head up to meet Solas’s soft and concerned gaze and eventually takes his hand. Once to her feet, Solas picks up her staff off the ground and hands it back to her. Lana takes it and slowly glides it into its holder across her back.
After creating some considerable distance between herself and the templar, Lana eventually turns around for one last gaze at the person she just murdered with her own hands, and then turns back around to catch up with Solas.
Solas guides Lana across a boarded path by the tiny pond in the centre of the village, followed by walking underneath a rickety bridge between two small buttes of earth. And then eventually walking to the top of a flight of steps next to a large, cascading waterfall.
After helping Lana sit down on the top step, Solas quickly finds an empty bucket lying around, places it between them, and then promptly sits on the other side. With a simple hand gesture, Solas fills the empty bucket with water as Lana stares blankly into the distance. Then, from the corner of her eye, Lana notices Solas swings his backpack around towards his chest and take out a piece of white cotton cloth.
Solas dips the cloth into the water and swirls it around for a while. He then pulls it out, wrings it of excess water, and stretches out his hand towards Lana, “Here.”
Lana looks at Solas despondently, takes the cloth, and slowly wipes her hands clean of the now dried up blood lodged between her knuckles and fingernails. Blood has even soaked between the crevices of the ring Tamara gave her, with the underneath planes of the stones no longer reflecting their true, clean colours. The purple amethyst now a dismal brown, and the white diamonds lying dark and pale.
With the cloth covered with as much dirt and blood as it could possibly absorb, Lana dips the fabric back into the water and tries to clean it. Once submerged however, the water quickly turns into a murky brown and the cloth, when pulled back out, is no longer white but stained and patchy. The blood has already set deep within the fibres of this once pure, white fabric and will no longer be the same again. Lana begins to imagine she is looking at her own heart, which was once white and pure, but is now permanently stained with the blood of that templar.
Lana rests the cloth on the edge of the bucket and looks up at Solas who, in between turning his head to look out for more trouble, hasn’t removed his gaze from her the entire time. Perhaps out of concern or maybe he is worried that she might do something reckless? Either way, Lana can feel his eyes on her and she eventually looks up in return, “Ma serannas.” and turns to look at the swaying bridge in the distance.
Solas then takes the blood stained cloth and dips it back into the bucket. Once again, he swirls it around for a bit, wrings out the dirty excess water, and passes it back to Lana, “Your face, too.”
Lana turns to Solas feeling slightly embarrassed by the fact that she completely forgot about the templar spitting in her face only moments ago, and takes the cloth back. As Lana slowly and gently wipes away at the dried blood on her young, tanned and taut skin, Solas watches her violet vallaslin, curved elegantly around her cheekbones and up towards her temple, reappear. Her eyelashes still wet from her tears, and her cheeks and nose flushed with a pink hue.
“It will get better,” murmurs Solas knowing there isn’t much he can say to ease her internal struggles. “With time.”
Lana just closes her eyes in frustration and release a loud sigh, “I just murdered—”
“But he was going to—”
“I don’t care what he was trying to do, Solas,” snaps Lana with furrowed brows. “At the end of the day, I had to kill a man to protect a friend,” and pauses with her gaze filled with anger and unrelenting guilt until she eventually murmurs. “Tell me I’m wrong?”
Solas keeps his gaze firm, but his response quiet, “You are not.”
Lana drops her head, turning away from Solas and shuts her eyes, “I’d like to be alone… please.”
“Of course.” murmurs Solas as he looks to Lana one last time before swinging his backpack back across his shoulder and slowly stands to leave.
As Solas reaches around the bend of a house behind her however, he suddenly hears Lana quietly singing to herself, which is almost completely muffled by the sound of the waterfall nearby.
Confused as to why she would be singing at a time like this, Solas turns back and carefully peers around the corner to observe, and that is when he not only hears but understands the lyrics of her tune. As only someone familiar with the elvhen language would be.
But only a Dalish elf would know the song's true meaning. A song Lana’s people would sing only when one is struggling with deep, personal sorrow. A song only sung when one is strife with pain and suffering. A song Lana’s people sang when they had to leave Halamshiral.
“Melava inan enansal
Ir su aravel tu elvaral
u na emma abelas
In elgar sa vir mana
in tu setheneran din emma na
Lath sulevin
lath araval ena
arla ven tu vir mahvir
melana ‘nehn
enasal ir sa lethallin.”
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Elvish to English Translation:
“Melava inan enansal
Ir su aravel tu elvaral
u na emma abelas
In elgar sa vir mana
in tu setheneran din emma na
Lath sulevin
lath araval ena
arla ven tu vir mahvir
melana ‘nehn
enasal ir sa lethallin.”
=
Time was once a blessing
but long journeys are made longer
when alone within.
Take spirit from the long ago
but do not dwell in the lands no longer yours.
Be certain in need,
and the path will emerge
to a home tomorrow
and time will again
be the joy it once was
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Chapter 1 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6
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Halla & Wolf Series
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SasuSaku Month 2016 Day 30- The Defining Decade . Title: It’s Time to Go . Summary: It’s almost time for their lives to turn upside down, and at the same time he’s happy about it, Uchiha Sasuke is also really apprehensive. How will they deal with their remaining time? . A/N: Ahh!! I didn’t like this theme at all!! I mean… 10 years is a lot, and yet it’s not enough to be defining! There are two important decades in their lives, and due to the amount of time I have and the fact that this is a one-shot, I ended up forcing myself to write something really really short! For I’m still going to write a long pic about their journey, I’ve done my best to hold back the details of how I think it happened and all… The next theme will be better, I promise! I hope you like it, and please, leave me a Review! . . . It was not until early March that his anxiety started to kick in.
His heart would beat faster, consequently raising his blood pressure, as his levels of stress had never been higher. The lack of sleep made itself evident due to the deep, dark circles around his eyes, and a sudden fear of the world was taking over his senses, making the oh-so-powerful Uchiha Sasuke keep an eye open to whatever could crawl from under a leaf.
He was paranoid, to say the least. And it was all because of her.
It was all because of that one, pink haired woman, who had been traveling with him for over a year and who had been annoying him ever since. With those viridian eyes, and that round, round belly of hers, Uchiha Sakura was driving him crazy. She has always been reckless and irresponsible, and now that she had the company of a baby in her womb, the pinkette didn’t really see a reason why not to continue acting that way.
Pregnant or not, she was still the same Sakura she used to be, but with a different last name. She would punch the ground, jump around trees, heal people, and consequently, she would leave him on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
That pregnant woman would be the death of him, he knew.
But as he watched her surrounded by all those 5 kids, as one of her bright smiles decorated her face, Sasuke knew he couldn’t be any happier than at that very moment.
His wife really is annoying, he thought, with a smirk decorating his face.
“ And then, there was that deep silence and I ended up having to heal those two- shannarou!”
A sigh escaped his lips as he simply looked at his pregnant wife from the corner of Kabuto's orphanage’s main room. They had decided to take a break from their walk towards Orochimaru’s hideout, and she convinced him to stop by that small cabin so she could see the kids she had grown so fondly of during their first year away from Konoha. Sakura had developed a special affection towards those children, and seeing all of them happily- and carefully, he saw- placing their small hands over her belly, gave the male Uchiha a peaceful sensation. The little girls would smile as they listened to Sakura talking about a seed growing inside her, and they would eventually get scared whenever their baby moved. The pinkette would simply laugh at those reactions, and that was when his eyes saw his wife in her prettiest form.
Sakura was radiant like that. More than ever, the future Uchiha matriarch seemed to be shining brighter than she already did in his eyes, and seeing her like that made him feel, somehow, proud of himself. Her overprotective senses, her emotion peaks and the genuine smile on her lips just made his heart warm up in a feeling he could only describe as love. It was the same love they had developed during their years together, but not the sweet and innocent kind of love he has always felt for her since they were kids.
Right now, the love he feels for his wife is an authentically thankful one. During the defining decade of his life, he knows that most- if not all- of the good things that changed him, were caused by her selfless feelings. He has always felt unworthy of such feelings, however, she gave them to him, nonetheless. She gave him her heart, her words, her mind and her body and in a couple of weeks, she would be giving him a beautiful daughter that will always be the fruit of their connected feelings.
Sakura gave him the entire world in the form of a family, and he could never thank her enough for that.
Not a thing he does will ever be enough to repay her for everything she’s always done.
And right now, seeing how happy she was with those kids, made the male Uchiha realize that he would forever try to make things up to her.
For the rest of his life, he would try to make her happy.
But right now, even if he didn’t want to, he knew she was about to get upset at his words.
The time for them to go had arrived, after all.
“Sakura.” His husky voice echoed around the room, immediately capturing the pinkette's attention. Her widened emeralds turned to face him, following his moves as he approached her, and for a moment, he felt his heart skipping a beat. He would never get used to those jewels, for sure. “ We have to go now.”
“ Ehhh?!” Her whining came out in unison with all those kids’ voices, and the pout decorating her features was as childish as the ones surrounding her. “ Already?”
“ Hn, I don’t want to arrive too late in the next village.”
“ Can’t we leave… in the morning?” She batted her eyes at him, trying to make her husband give in to her cuteness so they could spend more time with the kids. Such trick, just like some others she's learned through the years, would usually work on him. They would make him change his mind, and even the expression on his face, but ever since she got pregnant and he started getting so focused on their safety, most of her low trick have lost their effect.
Ever since the raven haired man had grown so overprotective over his wife and child, nothing else worked on him. Nothing at all.
“ No.”
“ Why not?”
“ Because I said so. Tch, stop fooling around and let’s go already, Sakura.”
With a sigh escaping her lips, he watched her pout growing sadder as she accepted his stretched hand to pull herself up. He heard her mumbling some incomprehensible words, and as she patted her red dress to get herself rid of the dust, Sasuke saw as her eyes traced all the sad faces of those children. Those little brats didn’t want her to go almost as much as she didn’t want to leave them, and that, he knew, would make things a lot more difficult for all of them.
His wife was never good with goodbyes, after all.
“ Kids…” A soft smile went to play on her lips, as she opened her arms to welcome that group hug of 10 little arms encircling her round body. “ Be nice to each other, okay?”
“ Do you really have to go, Sakura-san?” A little, brunette girl asked, looking at the pink haired woman with her dark brown eyes. Her small lips were trembling as if she was holding back some tears, and at that moment, such scene almost made the male Uchiha rethink his decision.
Almost…
“ Yeah… I have to, Mii-chan…” She said, placing a hand over the little girl’s head. “ I need to go and meet someone really special. Sasuke-kun and I have been waiting for her for a while already, and he doesn’t want to wait another second.”
“ Oh… Will we ever meet this person?”
“ Of course! I can’t wait to introduce you all to her!”
“ What’s her name?"
A warm smile crossed Sakura’s lips, as she looked at her husband for the first time with a soft expression ruling her face. Their eyes were connected, and at that time, he knew exactly why she was looking at him like that. After months of thinking and discussing, it made her happy to finally be able to say that name with so much certainty. “ Sarada… That’s her name.”
“ Then we will be waiting for you, Sakura-san!” A boy screamed, grinning happily after that.
“ And for Sarada, too!” A blonde girl completed, smiling at the pinkette.
“ And for grumpy Sasuke too!” Another kid spoke up, making Sakura and all the other orphans laugh at the male Uchiha’s face. Even if it was a farewell, it didn’t mean they could not be happy at that time, right?
It was not like they would never see each other again, after all.
“ Tch, that’s enough, you brats.” He said, finally placing a hand over Sakura’s shoulder. His eyes glared at her, and he watched her dorky smile growing into an apologetic one.
She really had no cure, for sure.
“ Ne… Sasuke-san…” The same brunette walked forward, embarrassedly pulling his dark cloak. He looked down at her confusedly, blinking as she tried to fight back her shyness to speak. “ W-Will you… Will you take care of Sakura-san?”
His dark pearls widened after listening to that little girl’s question, and at that moment, his mind went blank for a fraction of second. He saw those green eyes on him, and a soft, pink smile was also there, telling him not to make Mii-chan cry. He certainly didn’t know why he was so hesitant, at first, and he didn’t know why he suddenly felt so insecure about that answer that just seemed so obvious.
Of course he would protect her. He would give his life to protect his family, and that was pretty much the answer he should give the little girl.
Yes, it was an easy answer, for sure.
But- oh- there was just so much more that.
He would take care of her, make sure she didn’t have to suffer ever again, and most of all, he would give her all the love and affection he could find in his heart. In his own, twisted way, Uchiha Sasuke would make sure to make her happy. For the next decades to come, and until the day he died, he would make sure to honor his vows to take care of Uchiha Sakura.
Slowly, the raven haired boy kneeled so he could level himself with the little brunette. He used his hand to pat her head, and he could feel the soft, warm stare of his wife on his back. His expression remained almost as stoic as ever, as he looked inside the girl’s little eyes. He watched as she tried to advert her look from him, and it was only after she welcomed his eyes that he spoke up.
“ I will, don’t worry. We will be back soon so you can meet Sarada.”
A bright smile cropped onto Mii-chan’s lips, as her cheeks blushed in pure happiness. Even if she- just like many of the kids- was a little afraid of the raven haired man, she knew she could trust him to take care of the woman who had become a mother figure to all of them. They trusted Sasuke, for sure. And listening to his words made all of them, somehow, happy.
“ Okay!”
“ Hn.” He stood up, delicately slipping his hand to wrap his arm around his wife’s waist. He felt her leaning in for his touch, as her smile was still decorating her features.
He could watch that for the next ten years, for sure.
“ Mii-chan, don’t take him too seriously. Last time he told me he would be back soon, he took over a year to show up. “ She winked at the little girl, whose face suddenly became confused.
Tch, what an annoying wife, for sure.
“ But don’t worry, I’ll take care of him as well!” She continued, lifting her arms to expose her triceps. I wi- Oww!“
“ Let’s go, Sakura.” He said, forcefully pushing her towards the exit. She kept waving back for a while, until she finally chuckled, wrapping her arms around his own.
Honestly, won’t she ever change?
Probably not for the following decade of their lives.
And he can’t wait to share them with her.
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