#buddie is literally 'everybody knows BUT them' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

astonmartinii · 4 months

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brother's best friend | lance stroll social media au

pairing: lance stroll x fem schumacher!reader

there's something about the guy your brother tells you is off limits...

MASTERLIST | MY TIP JAR

mickschumacher

liked by estebanocon, lancestroll and 1,099,458 others

tagged: yourusername

mickschumacher: happy birthday to the biggest pain in my ass

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user1: y/n is so mother that her birthday really should be a national holiday

yourusername: what ass? babe you built like an ironing board

mickschumacher: you're talking real loud for someone who has a smaller ass than me 🤨

yourusername: you wanna get the tape measure out ???

user2: I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE

liked by lancestroll

yourusername: HAH

mickschumacher: i'll give you this one FOR ONCE only because it's your birthday

yourusername: you're SO generous

user3: both mick and y/n really got the unhinged gene from michael

user4: now we know why toto separates them in the paddock LOL

lancestroll: mick you were such a cute kid, what happened?

mickschumacher: EY stay out of it this is schumacher business

mickschumacher: or at least call y/n ugly too ugh 😩

lancestroll: my dad taught me that it's wrong to tell lies sorry

mickschumacher: BACK UP ??? what's that supposed to mean?

yourusername: is no one allowed to compliment me anymore?

mickschumacher: NO. especially not a man. especially not an f1 driver. they're all whores.

estebanocon: ????

maxverstappen1: ????

lancestroll: ????

yourusername: is that why you got dropped? too bitchless?

mickschumacher: HOW DARE YOU? I PULL. I DO.

yourusername: sure you do

mickschumacher: that's it. if you're going to use my loneliness against me, then i invoke the kat stratford rule. you can't date until i do

yourusername: that is so horrifically tragic. who says i'm not already seeing someone?

this comment has been deleted

mickschumacher: I SAW THAT

user5: everybody pray for y/n

user6: for real i think mick lost all of his patience at haas 😭

yourusername

liked by lancestroll, mickschumacher and 983,409 others

yourusername: all my birthday wishes came true

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user7: cue the mick meltdown

mickschumacher: WHAT 😭 THE 😭 FUCK 😭

yourusername: yes?

mickschumacher: does ten things i hate about you mean nothing to you?

yourusername: no ! but i like [redacted] more

mickschumacher: you can use [redacted] all you want but i will literally break in to your house I'M GETTING IN THE CAR

yourusername: soz girlypop but i'm at [redacted]'s house xoxo

mickschumacher: don't think i won't call sebastian i know he has you on find my friends

yourusername: go for it buddy i am completely confident in mine and seb's relationship

mickschumacher: @sebastianvettel pick up your phone

sebastianvettel: leave me be mick, i have met [redacted] and i think he's a great match 👍

mickschumacher: WHAT

user8: well that was dramatic

user9: get that man back in the car before he genuinely runs across europe looking for y/n

user10: i love how they're all going along with the [redacted] nonsense

user11: i know seb was having way too much fun with it

estebanocon: happy birthday y/n, i hope [redacted] treated you well !

yourusername: why thank you esteban, i have had a great time

mickschumacher: do not tell me you know as well :(

estebanocon: i don't but saying [redacted] is super fun 🤩

lancestroll: [redacted] does make them sound like a criminal

mickschumacher: when i found out who it is, they may become part of a criminal trial

lancestroll: okay buddy...

yourusername: thank you lance, at least someone here is talking sense

mickschumacher: don't use my friends against me 🤨

yourusername: maybe he's my friend too dumbass

user12: or more 😏

mickschumacher: do not even speak that into existence

user13: i need it to be lance or at least another driver just for mick's reaction at this point

lancestroll

liked by estebanocon, yourusername and 1,077,487 others

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lancestroll: just appreciating the birthday girl

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user17: WAIT !! let me grab my popcorn 🍿

user18: i am sat for this mick meltdown

user19: it might be an all-timer

yourusername: before mick inevitably throws all his toys out of the pram... i love you sir lancelot !! thank you for the amazing birthday and for being the best boyf eva xxx

lancestroll: i love you too darling, glad we could spend all this time together before the season starts again

yourusername: booooo i don't wanna share you :(

lancestroll: you could just join me ...

yourusername: do NOT threaten me with a good time

user20: i think i can hear mick having a tantrum from all the way across the world

mickschumacher: ABSOLUTELY NOT. NO. NOPE. NADA. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. DELETE.

lancestroll: you done?

mickschumacher: NO I AM NOT. TAKE YOUR MOUTH OFF OF MY SISTER. THE ONLY SCHUMACHER YOU WILL BE KISSED BY IS MY FIST

lancestroll: bit too late for that

mickschumacher: HALT. i do not need to know that :(

yourusername: have you got it out of your system? because i really love lance and i'm sorry we kept it from you, but we thought it was best while we figured it all out

mickschumacher: i am happy for you. all i want to see is you happy, and if that is lance so be it. just no pda in front of me

lancestroll: you're saying this like i'm a monster? i'm literally your friend, surely that's a good sign?

mickschumacher: wait. i thought we were best friends :(

lancestroll: yes! we're bffs ! best friends forever + este

estebanocon: yes we love you mick even when you scream all the time and call us whores?

yourusername: gosh you're such a drama queen, have this heart to heart in the group chat this is a birthday post for ME

user21: well this got suprisingly heartfelt

sebastianvettel: happy birthday y/n, i'm happy for both of you!

yourusername: thank you seb ! x

lancestroll: thank you seb, wingman of the year

mickschumacher: WHAT

yourusername

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yourusername: my boyf just won point with broken wrists, what the fuck are y'all doin?

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user24: this was so sexy of lance honestly

maxverstappen1: winning the race bozo

yourusername: the question was clearly rhetorical genius

maxverstappen1: i don't care 🤷‍♀️

user25: i always forget that these two technically grew up together

lancestroll: the doctors said i still need to be looked after, will you be my sexy nurse?

mickschumacher: EW this is exactly what i was talking about. keep this shit to yourselves

mickschumacher: PLUS, i don't think that would be wise with broken wrists

lancestroll: gotta ruin all of our jokes now?

yourusername: so me being a sexy nurse is a joke :( ?

lancestroll: no! you can definitely look after me and you're definitely sexy

yourusername: good good. sit back and relax baby

user26: what if we also want to be seen by sexy nurse y/n?

mickschumacher: choke

lancestroll: choke

fernandoalo_oficial: so no mention of my podium 🤨

yourusername: bore off old man you've got completely functioning wrists

fernandoalo_oficial: still impressive no?

yourusername: cry me a river

lancestroll: it was very impressive fernando

fernandoalo_oficial: at least one of my kids respect me

yourusername: god i think being a drama queen is a requirement for being an f1 driver

user27: she's not wrong

fernandoalo_oficial

liked by lancestroll, yourusername and 1,452,887 others

fernandoalo_oficial: accidentally acquired two kids this season

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user28: grid dad fernando is back baby

user29: who is the mum and can i be her?

yourusername: soz mark beat you to it

oscarpiastri: does that make us all siblings?

mickschumacher: absolutely not. the schumacher gang is very exclusive

fernandoalo_oficial: who said i claimed you?

mickschumacher: as if you wouldn't want to claim me

yourusername: soz mick, looks like only one of us slays

lancestroll: fernando has taste 💅

mickschumacher: i hate you both

yourusername: love you too x

user30: golly gosh these girlies are so dramatic

user31: lance, y/n and oscar is the chill trio we need

yourusername: also thanks pa for the cute pic x

lancestroll: and for not complaining the whole time

yourusername: SOME people could learn a thing or two ....

mickschumacher: hey! i am a good photographer you're just ugly

lancestroll: you take that back

mickschumacher: you were my friend first you should be on my side :(

yourusername: you snooze you lose mickster

lancestroll: :p

user32: so glad that this relationship is bringing out lance's sassy side

user33: now all we need is the return of the racing point hair

yourusername: i'm on it 🫡

yourusername

liked by estebanocon, lancestroll and 1,099,432 others

tagged: lancestroll

yourusername: the romance books didn't lie, there really is nothng like your brother's best friend

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user34: boyf!lance got me going feral

user35: third pic is defo going platinum on pinterest

lancestroll: all the turmoil was worth it :)

yourusername: turmoil being mick pouting at you for like three hours

lancestroll: i am a sensitive man! i don't like people being upset with me :(

yourusername: mick is just a drama queen, probably his way of hazing you, or distracting himself from being lonely

mickschumacher: for that lonely comment you just got yourself stuck with a third wheel

mickschumacher: FOR LIFE

estebanocon: and me !! don't forget about meeee

user36: my fave unproblematic foursome

yourusername: hold your horses babe two of that four are siblings maybe we should reword this

sebastianvettel: is mick finished now? can i safely go back on my phone without getting ten billion calls about you and lance?

yourusername: yeah i think he's got it out of his system

sebastianvettel: good. but you and lance are still on babysitting duty for putting my through this

lancestroll: not the punishment you think it is we love those kids

yourusername: plus lance is cute with kids and gives me major baby fever

sebastianvettel: oh no...

mickschumacher: WHAT ABSOLUTELY NOT NO BABIES YET I ONLY JUST ACCEPTED YOU DATIGN I DON;Y WANT TO THINK ABOUT... THAT

yourusername: but baby lancelots would be so cute :(

lancestroll: baby y/ns would be cuter

yourusername: that's it. seb sorry we will be a little late

mickschumacher: DELETE

fin.

note: this request has been in the bank for a while and i know i took a lil creative liberty but i hope you enjoyed!! also thought lance deserved some love after the recent tomfoolery ... alas! happy new year and i hope everyone has a great new years eve xx

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 instagram au #f1 x you #f1 #f1 social media au #lance stroll imagine #lance stroll #lance stroll x reader #lance stroll x you #lance stroll social media au #lance stroll instagram au

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gabessquishytum · 2 months

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Prince Dream who is completely enamored with Knight Hob and always watches his training. It started out more subtle, watching from somewhere up high with a good view of the training grounds, making excuses to oversee the knights' training. Now he just overtly watches from a porch nearby and he looks disturbingly like a cat watching birds out a window. Dream wants to devour this man whole.

Everybody knows. Everybody knows how Prince Dream feels about the knight, even his siblings have stopped teasing him about it once he stopped being embarrassed. Everybody knows except Hob. Hob who is completely oblivious. Hob who thinks Dream is just his good buddy ol' pal, Hob who accidentally friendzones Dream in practically every conversation they have. Hob has not picked up on the intense staring at all and probably wouldn't have noticed how often Dream had started coming to training if someone else hadn't pointed it out.

The thing is, Dream is a prince and Hob is a knight, so anything happening between them is just so far out of the realm of possibility to Hob that it genuinely doesn't occur to him to interpret anything from Dream as romantic or sexual. And it's not a low self esteem thing or an "unworthy" thing, it's just that in Hob's mind, princes and knights don't fall in love, and Dream is a prince and Hob is a knight, ergo they can't fall in love. Hob has had this thought process entirely subconsciously and has never stopped to reexamine this. So yeah, Dream only sees him as a friend, a comrade. And of course, Hob sees Dream the same way.

...right? (Yes, according to Hob who just tends to go with the flow and rarely unpacks deeper more complex feelings, and no, according to literally everyone else.) Dream will get his hands on this man someday, he just needs to be patient.

The sooner that Dream understands that Hob is just a sweet little himbo who can't even comprehend being able to attract the love of a Prince, the better. Then Dream can get to work on proving that his humble knight is very worthy indeed!

I'm imagining Dream doing all the "courtly love" things to woo his Knight. Flirting with him, composing sonnets for him and leaving them on Hob’s pillow, asking him to dance whenever there's an opportunity at court. Hob initially interprets all this as more declarations of comradeship/just Dream being nice to him... but then Dream gets hold of a lute, and sings a love-song underneath Hob’s window, and Hob is like "wait a second. this doesn't feel very platonic." He jumps right down from the balcony (nearly rolls his ankle in the progress), throws himself at the Prince's feet and begs to know the truth. DOES Dream love him???

Dream pats him gently on the head, smiling fondly at his himbo Knight. He's so proud of Hob for finally working it out, bless him <3

#the sandman #dreamling

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spocktheestallion · 2 years

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for a tragedy the iliad is pretty funny. compiled some of my favorite things about it (not in chronological order)

- patroclus barely speaks for most of the book but EVERYBODY loves him. like he’s literally the entire greek camp’s precious meow meow. the ORIGINAL sweet little meow meow. even the GODS are sad and feel bad when he dies. even HOMER loves patroclus, always calling him “faultless patroclus” “my patroclus” “gentle patroclus” “sweet patroclus” WE GET IT. achilles, briseis, menelaus, ajax, literally every member of the greek camp is down ATROCIOUS for patroclus all bc he’s just one Really Nice Dude. just one very Sweet and Polite Fella. one Extra Special Guy <3 his whole narrative purpose is simply to be everyone’s special little scrunkly

- in one of the MANY passages where achilles is lamenting about how sad it is that patroclus is dead he promises patroclus’ corpse that he will have many deep-bosomed trojan and dardanian women weep for him. he tells his dead buddy “i will get the absolute THICKEST hoes with the BIGGEST mommy milkers for your funeral” honestly? id be honored

- all the arguments escalate so quickly. an old man very politely appeals to agamemnon to pretty please give his daughter back and offers him a huge fortune for her and agamemnon calls him a crotchety old bitch and tells him he’ll fucking kill him if he ever sees him again

- that same old man is a priest of apollo. you know, the plague god? anyway priest calls in a favor and apollo curses the greeks with a plague

- to address this, achilles decides to resolve it by calling all the greeks together and passive aggressively going “HM! i WONDER what could have caused a PLAGUE! it’s almost like we OFFENDED the PLAGUE GOD somehow. now WHAT could WE (cough agamemnon) done to offend the PLAGUE GOD?????” all in front of agamemnon

- zeus spends most of the book desperately trying to keep the gods OUT of the war. then once he’s finally had enough he just calls them all together and says “go nuts” and then they do

- artemis talks shit on the battlefield so hera calls her a bitch, steals her bow, and beats her with it. artemis then goes back to zeus and cries

- polydamas says to hector “hey you killed patroclus and achilles is gonna be fucking pissed. we should probably go back to the city while we can” and hector calls him a bitch and tells him to stfu. achilles then chases them back to the city and hector decides to stay outside and get killed by achilles instead of going in with the rest of the army bc he didn’t wanna hear polydamas say “i told you so”

- diomedes is about to fight with a guy called glaucus but then they realize their ancestors were friends or something so they decide not to kill each other, and diomedes says “hey! why don’t we even trade armor! :) just as a show of friendship! :))” and glaucus is like “yeah sure!” and gives diomedes his really nice gold plated armor while glaucus gets diomedes’ shitty plain bronze armor

- achilles makes a bitchy comment to his horses about leaving patroclus to die and the horse momentarily gains the ability to talk just to tell achilles it wasn’t THEIR goddamn fault, tells achilles he’s gonna die soon, and then goes back to being a normal horse.

- zeus with his daughters: oh child ❤️ oh my dear ❤️ oh there there i didn’t really mean it ❤️ sweetie why don’t you go help the greeks?❤️

- zeus with his sons: “ares you fucking donkey”

- everyone calling paris a stupid coward bitch every time they see him. all of troy fucking hates him. hector fucking hates him. helen fucking hates him.

- paris getting dressed up in fancy armor and prancing to the front lines going “i’ll fight ANY of you greeks!” and menelaus (the guy whose wife he stole) goes “alright bet” and paris nearly pisses his pants and tries to hide but then his brother hector calls him a piece of shit and tells him he hopes he dies and makes him fight menelaus. menelaus promptly ROCKS HIS SHIT. literally starts dragging him by his helmet like a rag doll, would’ve killed him if aphrodite hadn’t teleported paris outta there (BOO)

#the iliad #iliad memes #homer’s iliad #achilles #patroclus

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bluecollarmcandtf · 9 months

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Revenge at the Frat House

"On your knees!" I pointed my mind control ray at the Co-Presidents of the frat. Their eyes glazed over and their legs buckled to the floor. I knew these jocks were finally mine.

The Alpha Tau Beta house was a giant mess, but it was easy to find on Frat Row. I crossed the overgrown lawn nervously, carrying my science experiment up to the front door.

This fraternity was well known for being intolerant. They'd berated me countless times at the university, but these idiots had no idea who they were beating up. Sure, I'm gay, but I was studying neuroscience, and this device was my crowning achievement. Hunter and Josh were my first test subjects.

I didn't honestly think it would work so well. The two athletes dropped quickly to their knees when I commanded. Their eyes fluttered lazily as they wobbled on the hardwood. It definitely looked like they were ready to be reprogrammed.

"What's going on..." the blonde jock groaned.

Hunter was the school's basketball star. Everybody fawned over his perfect smile. Nearly every advertisement for the school had the guy on it, wearing a sleeveless jersey that showed off his impressive wingspan.

Now, his muscular arms dangle limply at his side, twitching occasionally.

"What's going on is revenge!" I cried, "Remember me? You led your pack of fraternity goons over and had them rough me up because I had a rainbow flag on."

"Oh yeah... " he replied dumbly.

"Well things are different now," I continued, "You won't target any gay dude again!"

"I won't..." he automatically agreed.

"It was crazy that you were ever such a homophobe. After all, you're gay yourself."

"I am...?" his blank face furrowed in confusion.

"Oh yeah," I pushed the suggestion further, "You love men. You're the gayest guy on campus. Nothing makes you happier than flirting with all dudes you can."

"I'm the gayest man on campus..." the fraternity jock agreed with a cheesy smile. He seemed happy to find a new calling in life.

I know he meant it. My device was designed to embed these suggestions into his mind, body, and personality. Hunter was a full-on fruitcake, now. It wouldn't be long before he was coming onto his fraternity brothers or getting an erection with his teammates in the shower. As far as he knew, he had always loved men, and he couldn't wait to flaunt his attraction loudly.

"And you," I turned to Josh.

The second frat bro was slumped onto the floor with his jaw hanging open. He looked half asleep with the drool hanging off his chin.

"Me..." Josh slurred.

This guy was on the wrestling team, and while he wasn't the leader of the bullies like Hunter, he was almost always the first to get physical. I still remember the feeling of his beefy arms around my neck as he taught me his lesson. Now it was my turn to teach him a lesson.

"Josh, you're not gay like your buddy, but you are a wimp," I explain.

"I'm a wimp...?" he mumbles deliriously.

"Yup! Sure, you're strong and athletic, but you're a total pushover."

"I'm a pushover..." he let the words sink in.

"Literally every male you come across will intimidate you. And anyone that intimidates you can boss you around. It doesn't matter if they're older, younger, weaker, or stronger. They get to use you as they want, but you don't mind. Your body is just a tool to be used."

"I'm a tool..." Josh agreed.

"In fact, your mouth is the most useful thing about you," I added, "I mean think about all the things you can use it for. If your bro's shoes are dirty, you can lick them clean for him. Maybe he's sweaty after a work out; just offer to suck the sweat out of his pits. Heck, maybe he's too lazy to walk to the bathroom; your mouth is perfect for that too. There are so many ways to put that face hole to use."

"My mouth is a tool..." his lips fumbled the words but there was conviction in his eyes.

Josh was fully convinced of his extremely submissive personality. He was already normalizing different situations in his head where another dude would use him as they wanted, and it felt completely natural.

"Alright, I'm going to wake you two up," I decided.

Thumping them on the forehead with my mind control device, I snapped the fraternity jocks out of their subconscious state.

"Woah," Hunter winced, "What's going on?"

The basketball star caught his bearings, noticing me as I stood over him. Hunter had never looked at me with anything other than animosity, but in that moment, he licked his lips and batted his eyes. I could tell he liked what he saw.

"Well, hello handsome," the stud purred as he checked me out.

Hunter rose from the ground and sidled up to me, planting his massive palms on my waist as he stared down into my eyes. I knew he was displaying his most charming smile.

"Anything I can do for you, daddy?" he snickered mischievously.

"I'm not interested, at the moment," I said.

"Playing hard to get?" Hunter scoffed in disappointment and turned away with a sigh, "Josh, get over here!"

The burly wrestler flinched as his buddy called to him. Josh was still on the floor, trying to make his bulky frame as small as possible in the presence of real men. He'd only been able to cast nervous glances at our shoes as we stood over him, but he quickly scurried over to Hunter when he was called.

"Come on," Hunter growled at Josh, "Let me show this guy what I can do with my tongue. I'll see if he isn't interested then!"

Hunter quickly grabbed the back of his fraternity brother's head and pulled him up into a slobbery kiss. Josh barely had time to react, but he wasn't in a position to pull away. The pair of homophobic jerks made out with each other, with Hunter moaning loudly and Josh trying to keep up.

I enjoyed the scene. Hopefully, the rest of the fraternity would be back from that party soon. I wanted to see them walk in on their Co-Presidents making out in the living room.

Now that I knew my technology worked, I was planning to convert the rest of the brothers. They needed to understand Hunter and Josh's new roles in the frat house.

Soon, they would all be bullying Hunter for how gay he'd become, and they'd be using Josh in any way that amused them. I'd definitely gotten the revenge I wanted.

#gay hypnosis #hypno story #mind control

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rumble-aint-a-rumble-without-me · 7 months

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can i ask for literally any type of fluff romantic with sodapop? i’m in desperate need for that lol. hope your have an amazing day xx :)🫶🏻🫶🏻

Whoops

A/N: Thanks for the request! It's not my best work, at least I don't think so, but I really hope you enjoy it! And by the way, you've got such a pretty blog! Very nice to look at!

“You love me, right?”

Y/N looks up warily, folding their magazine in their lap. Those words, especially coming out of Soda's mouth, can never mean anything good. Slowly, as Sodapop approaches, Y/N pulls their feet back from where they had kicked them up on the front counter. “What did you do?”

“Nothing!” Sodapop flashes that movie star smile and leans back, hopping up next to the cash register. He kicks his feet in the air and smiles a little harder than he should be.

“Liar.”

The smile falters.

“I may...or may not have...told Darry that you’d be willing to cook dinner for the boys while he was out with his college buddies.”

“Sodapop Curtis, you didn't!”

His deep brown eyes drop to the floor, shoulders hunching as he draws his hands to his lap and fiddles nervously with his fingers. “I didn’t mean to, I swear, it just slipped out.”

Y/N sighs and reaches up, pinching the spot between their eyebrows. Dinner for the boys. Dinner for all of the boys. That’s a lot of mouths to feed. Especially if the boys are hungry from doing God knows what all day long.

“Everyone’s gonna be at your house?” Y/N asks after a moment in a quiet voice, not yet looking over at Sodapop. Even without looking, they can practically see the way he’s nodding, thrilled with the possibility of Y/N going along with his mistake.

“Yeah! Everybody! They’re gonna be there around six! ‘Cept for Dally, he might be a little late ‘cause he said he had somethin’ to take care of with Shepard."

With a dramatic sigh, Y/N lets their hand drop and nods as if they’re signing away their life and not just cooking dinner for a bunch of hungry boys. “I’ll do it.”

Sodapop beams. It’s brighter than his standard movie star smile, not so forced in the corners, and lights up all of his face, all the way up to his eyes. Y/N likes it a lot better than his movie star smile. Soda leans in to press a few short kisses to their cheek, murmuring grateful remarks against their skin.

When he pulls away, the smile is still there.

"I'm gonna go call, Dare," Soda murmurs as he slides of the counter, his hand grazing over the edge of Y/N's knee as he heads for the back of the DX. "You’re the greatest!”

“Yeah,” Y/N mutters with a pleased huff, kicking their feet back up and opening their magazine again as Soda walks away. “I am the greatest.”

#the outsiders #the outsiders headcanons #the outsiders hcs #the outsiders x reader #dillo’s writing #sodapop curtis #sodapop curtis x reader #via 252

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a-local-idiots-shitpost · 1 year

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Easter Panic: Mc get´s turned into a Rabbit and the Brothers have to take care of them

Lucifer:

would you finally stop biting him? he knows you don´t like getting picked up but he has to get you home somehow

he has to watch you even more, not only are you tiny but incredibly fast

and still as attached to Cerberus than before

good for everybody involved Cerberus knows it´s you and refuses to let anybody near you and with everybody I mean everybody

he actually had to fight Cerberus to get you back

and after that he never let you go, no matter how many times you bite him

but after getting some bunny treats he at least managed to keep you calm enough so he can do his paperwork (and pet you)

Mammon:

of course the Great Mammon will take care of Mc!

… which he definitely doesn´t want to do because your even cuter now and can easily spoil you

he got you tiny matching glasses, I mean he could also get you your normal size copy of his glasses but that would just be silly

you will be a very spoiled bun

he will get literally anything a bunny could ever want doesn´t matter what it is or that they don´t even know how long you will stay one

he bought you so many treats and even bought you a hamster wheel for a reason

he also refuses to let anybody pet you, besides himself of course

and maybe tried to dress you up like him

Leviathan:

no matter what he will try to teach you how to play games because, he can´t live without his gaming buddy!

he also tried making you a tiny Ruri-chan outfit, you did not wear it but you did sleep on the tiny Azuki-tan pillow he made

he also took a bunch of pictures of you

he also tried to let you swim in one of his tanks, you panicked and bite him needless to say it was a mistake

he did manage to teach you how to play chill games

every time you manged to finished a task he cheered you on

Satan:

depressed by the fact you didn´t turn into a cat

he did try to turn you into a Cat before Lucifer stopped him

he also gave you some Cat toys to play with because he didn´t have time to buy you Rabbit toys

but he did take a bunch of pictures when you decided to play with a ball of yarn

he also used you as a anti-stress ball but all he did was squish your cheeks

he was a little bit calmer that day and even listened to Lucifer once

everybody was shocked at this

Asmodeus:

he made you so many tiny outfits for you to model in

and of course one or two will be uploaded to his Devilgram

but the majority of them are just for him, I mean it itsn´t everyday your favorite Human get´s turned into a Bunny and can´t defend themself

this is the only chance he has to dress you up and he will take it no matter what form you have

but he will cuddle with you a lot

and with a lot I mean he carries you around like a purse dog

the only reason he doesn´t use a baby carries is that he couldn´t find one who looked fashionable and fit his outfit

Beelzebub:

he was concerned when he was told to look after you

considering all he could think about while seeing you were all kinds of recipes featuring Rabbits

but he never tried to eat you, he did eat Rabbit meat in front of you thought which did unnerve you a little bit

but he also ate the Rabbit food, which he can´t be blamed for considering unlike other pet food it seems like something that could be eaten

he also made little dumbbells for you because he wanted you to keep up with your training

for some reason you could actually use them and now Beel has a picture of a rabbit using dumbbells

Belphegor:

he just takes naps with you

you either got your own little spot on the bad or just have to cuddle with him

it also doesn´t help that you got very comfortable fur

during those times he carries you around like he does with his pillow

he also acts like your his pillow

which means you´ll have to stay still for hours or end or be forced to take a bunch of naps

or you get lucky and have the rare chance to struggle free without him immediately catching you again

he will be very sad when you turn back

he lost his newest favorite pillow D:

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little-bit-of-everything-tbh · 7 months

Text

"Why do you hate me??"

Katsuki Bakugou x reader

author's note: not sure what this is but it came to me and it seemed cool so, here you go.

ALSO don't be shy to like or comment if you liked it, or if it should or should not have part 2. Okay now go read it bye -vee<3

---------------------------------------------------

Shit! She caught me staring again...fuckfuckfuckfuck why is she getting closer FUCK! Look away! LOOK AWAY CMON IT'S NOT THAT HARD FUCKING SHIT! was what was going on inside Katsuki's head. And for a good reason too. The girl he hated (read: liked asf) was rapidly approaching him.

But...she looked...angry? Huh—

"Listen here!" She said 5 meters away from him, yelling. That caught him off guard, he's not gonna lie.

"Huh-" he tried to say something but before he could she cut him off, not only with words but by getting in his face too.

"I don't know what you got going on inside your little head, but if you think you can just stare like you wanna start a fight at me, or even my friends we're gonna have a problem buddy" she was now doing that thing where you put your point finger against someone chest while yelling at them.

Katsuki could barely get what was happening, with her being this close to him, he was starting to blush and was flustered. He doesn't know what is this supposed to mean because he never expirienced this in his 17 years of life. Is he going to get sick? What was going on??

"Hello??? Are you even listening or are you really that much of a jerk everybody's talking you are?" She looked at him wide eye waiting for his answer.

When she noticed his reddening in face, she misunderstood it, and thought he was getting angry and wanted to yell but was holding back.

"Don't hold back on me! Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't fight!" She yelled.

He was blown. He didn't know what to say. She just looked so...hot, all angry. A stark contrast to her faint smiles at lunch with her friends, or when she did silly things while thinking nobody was watching her, but what can he do when he literally lives two houses apart hers, so he has to go behind her because he doesn't wanna talk to her(he's scared)?

"Hun, let's just go, you won't get anywhere with this..." her best friend tried to stop potential fight.

"NO! He's being an absolute asshole, and a total bitch! Why is he always acting like he's better! You LITERALLY told me people were scared of him. WHY? He can't even answer my questions..." She rolled her eyes at last sentence and just turned around.

"Forget this shit. When you're actually not being a total pussy, contact me to solve this once and for all." She looked at him over her shoulder and then walked away with her friends.

What. The. Actual. FUCK?

The group of people cleared pretty fast, due to Katsuki's "angry" appearance, scared a little.

While he just stood there.

"Hey bro, what was that all about?" Ejirou Kirishima, his best friend approached asking worried what his best friend might have done now.

"Ejirou...I think I'm in love" Katsuki said, out of breath, not even knowing how, or why those words came out.

"...well I called it"

"Shut the fuck up" Katsuki grumbled while those two walked to arcade to have a serious talk about what next step is.

#anime #bakugou x fem!reader #boku no hero academia #katsuki bakugou #x reader #xreader #writing #bakugou x reader #my hero academia #bakugou katsuki #bakugou #katsuki #welp this was fun #part 2?#vee writes #why do you hate me??

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aroace-rizgukgak · 3 days

Text

I don't know why everybody's emphasising that the ratgrinders were manipulated when talking about whether they're evil. Yes, that's a notable aspect of the reason they teamed up with porter and jace in the first place, but I feel like it's way more important to emphasis that they were CORRUPTED BY A RAGE GOD??? That's like being charmed or possessed for almost a year straight. Like for all we know, they never would have done any of the things they did if it weren't for the magical corruption over them. I certainly don't think they would have been able to kill Lucy or Buddy without being corrupted by rage like that. They would not have independently sworn to Ankarna, or made a conspiracy to potentially End The Fucking World, because, you know, they Live in The World. We know so much about their personalities have changed since corruption, we might not even recognise them uncorrupted. Did the powerful rage leave any room for grief, and for fear? For any personal joy and enjoyment? Or did they truly spend a whole year only focused on their mission? The manipulation was not simply How They Were Treated, they have LITERALLLY been magically manipulated by infernal rage corruption. I feel like them being at fault from the point of corruption onwards is out of the question, they may have been in a complete trance this whole time, we literally don't know if they have any autonomy at all.

#fantasy high #fhjy #fantasy high junior year #the ratgrinders

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justice-maul · 8 months

Note

Hello! I was hoping if you could do a rivalry fanfic about tony stark x dom male reader maybe? Like if Tony gets into a big fight with male reader and (this might sound a bit basic but whatever 😅) he pins him to the wall and they start a messy make out that might turn into smut? And maybe tony tells male reader that he been having odd dreams like this? ( I’ve never really requested before soo heh😀)

«Hateful Lust» Tony Stark x Dom Rival Male Reader

Word Count: 2,432

Author Note: I… I love you guys so much, I’m not a fan of porn without plot I fucking love plot gives it more character

Btw I literally know nothing about the business world so don’t check me on this and remember English isn’t my first language!!

Warning(s)⚠: Bottom Tony, rough hate sex, porn with plot, blowjob, butt plug,

Tony Stark was the most annoying human being you’ve ever known. While Tony had grown up into the business world, you had built your way to the top and Tony and his entitled personality always managed to get on your nerves.

When you met, it was at a simple business meeting between companies, but it was enough to make you dislike the man.

The entire time he wasn’t taking anything seriously, he kept making jokes and annoying quips, and he wasn’t even paying attention most of the time he just kept flirting with every girl he found attractive enough to his standards… so pretty much every girl in the room.

The worst part is that because of his status in the business world, no one could tell him off or saying anything disrespectful to him, but that didn’t stop your comments about his behavior, you didn’t care what he was capable of you always spoke your mind and criticized him when he needed to be

That was what made him dislike you and that’s where te rivalry all began, it started from petty little comments that were disguised behind your professionalism and only escalated to literally cussing each other out each and every time you were in the same room

As usual, you were invited to a Stark party (probably because Pepper usually wrote the invitations) and although you hated going, you knew it was always a good business opportunity so you decided to go ahead to the party and avoid and ignore Tony Stark as much as possible

But of course, Tony always had this way of making sure that everybody in the room noticed him and it always worked managing to piss you off, you huffed and just decided to walk off and go cool down.

Walking into a random room that looked like an unused office as you were looking around and finally feeling somewhat calm, Tony Stark obviously had to ruin that.

“Hey buddy, long time no see!”

He said in a sarcastic tone and closed the office door behind him and walked up to you

“Hi… Tony.”

You said with an exasperated sigh through your nose, clearly trying and not bite his head off

“Aww, what’s the matter hun? Don’t like me much?” He said teasingly making you grit your teeth, “Who would? Other then the girls you sleep with.” You said coldly to him making him roll his eyes while still smiling

“Well at least all those girls have money to spare,”

Now that made you upset, everyone was aware of your background but you never cared cause you were just as wealthy and powerful in the business world as them and they couldn’t say anything to you but for Tony to say it? It just pissed you off

“At least I earned my own money instead having my daddy help me.” You retorted mockingly

“Why is it that I’m able to get under your skin so easily?” He said smiling, he knew exactly what he was doing

“Cause your so goddamn annoying,” you said with a growl in your voice making him smirk in response as he got even cockier

“Why don’t you just admit it? You wanna kiss me.”

“Excuse you? Why the hell would I want to kiss you?” You scowled in disgust and turned to face him waiting for an answer but you could see that he was clearly enjoying this interaction

“Because your secretly in love with me. Why else would you be so mad?” He said trying to push you further, with that smirk still plastered on his face making you rolls your eyes and scoff,

“Oh fuck off Tony, I doubt anyone could genuinely be in love with you if it wasn’t for your money or looks.” You replied coldly

“So you think I’m attractive?” He asked teasingly looking smug as he spoke, moving closer to you and leaning forward “I bet you think about me before bed, don’t you?” He whispered into your ear, putting his hand flat on your chest and slowly dragging it down your body

“I know I do,” he said in a low voice still whispering to you as his hands moved to your belt gently tugging it before moving it further down to your length

“What do you think your doing?” You said grabbing his hand “Oh be real, we both know you wanna sleep with me.” He said pulling his head away grinning, and a part of you knew he wasn’t wrong

Your mind drifted to all those dreams you’ve had of fucking him so rough into the bed so he could finally learn some manners, when he would interrupt meetings and make those snarky comments you wished you could shut him up by making him deep throat your cock slurring and mumbling the words “I’m sorry,” over and over again

As you were thinking Tony’s hand firmly squeezed your softened cock rubbing it from the outside of your dress pants.

“Your thinking about it, aren’t you? I know you are,” He whispered softly near your lips as he watched your expression shift from him stroking your now hardening length

Having had enough of him teasing you, you pushed him up against the wall smashing your lips against his and kissing him, hard.

Tony kissed back, wrapping his arms around you and pressing his body against yours, his length grinding down on yours.

You lifted Tony up by his thighs making him instinctively wrap his legs around your waist as you slipped your tongue in his mouth, the kiss turning sloppy and messy as your arousal increased.

You don’t even know how long you two were making out when Tony pulled away to catch his breath, resting his head against the wall exposing his neck

You gave him no time to rest as you immediately began marking it all over focusing on his pulse points in a way that left him panting, letting out soft breathy moans, his legs started to shake and get slightly weak.

He was completely lost in the moment, wrapping his arms around you for support as his knees weakened at your increasingly aggressive movements. You set him down only for him to button your shirt and kiss down your chest

“I want to taste you,” he whispered, his voice low and sultry to which you responded with a simple nod, With a swift motion, Tony dropped to his knees before you, his eyes locked on your now erect length.

His hands gripped your hips as his tongue flicked out to trace along the length of your shaft his mouth enveloped you, his lips forming a tight seal around your cock as he began to suck and bob his head with a rhythm

His tongue danced along your sensitive skin, his warm breath caressing your most intimate area, sensations intensified and the wet heat of his mouth and the suction of his lips was driving you closer to the edge and eagerly taking you deeper into his mouth

As the waves of pleasure crashed over you, Tony maintained his relentless pace, eager to milk every last drop. He moaned around you, the vibrations sending shockwaves of pleasure through you

feeling the heat pooling inside you burst, you threw your head back as Tony eagerly swallowed, savoring the taste of your essence, sucking and licking to prolong your pleasure until the very last sensation of ecstasy subsided

“Fuck, at least your mouth is good for something when it’s not spitting out absolute filth,” you said in spite making him let out a breathy chuckle as he got back up from his knees “Oh you love it when I’m talking dirty, it’s get you riled up so bad…” he teased rubbing his hands up your chest as he batted the most innocent doe eyes at you

“Oh shut up already,” you said with a groan and pushed him against the wall so his rear end was facing you, he assisted you in removing his pants kicking them off to the side

“Well aren’t you inpatient?” He said cheekily, you dipped your hand down his back and spread his cheeks with your hand, ready to push your fingers in only to find a cold flat surface pressed against his hole, you didn’t even need to look to know exactly what it was

“Seriously Tony?”

He laughed “What? A guy’s gotta be prepared, right?” He said sarcastically and reached his hand around, his fingers gently tracing the edges of the butt plug making you grunt in response as you reached out grabbing the rim and yanked it out in a sudden, rough motion making him let out a startled gasp

His eyes widened a mixture of surprise and pleasure evident on his face “Fuck, I love it when you get all riled up, it’s such a turn-on” he said with a hint of breathlessness evident in his voice and turned around to face you, wrapping his arms around your neck

You lifted him up again like before and pulled Tony down on your cock making his body tense and moan softly, his lips parting in a silent plea for more as his hands moved to grip your shoulders for support and adjusted to your size his body gradually relaxing before he began slowly rocking his hips

You fucked into his sloppy hole, his eyes locked on yours, the desire shining in them as you moved your bodies in sync, each thrust bringing you both closer to a crescendo of pleasure

“Oh come on, at least fuck me like you mean it, don’t tell me your a virgin,” He said cockily even though his body responded eagerly to every thrust, riding the waves of pleasure.

“Says the one clenching around my dick like a needy whore.” You said with malice. The intensity of the moment was only increased by the roughness, the lust, the desire, and the hate between you two creating a powerful intimate bond

Your hands stayed on his ass, using it as leverage to fuck into him further. He arched his back, pressing his ass furthermore against your hands as he moaned

“Is this what you wanted? Is that why you’ve been such a brat?” You could only chuckle as his nails dig into your shoulder and he could barely respond, only throwing his head back “If you could’ve just asked me to put you in your place, I would’ve been happy to give it to you the way I know you’ve thought of,” you whispered in his ear, amplifying your words with deep, sharp, thrusts

He let out a guttural moan and buried his head into the crook of your neck “I’ve been having so many weird dreams about this, about you fucking me just like this…” he admitted, his voice filled with a mix of pleasure and desire which ultimately surprised you but only made you cockier

“Yeah? Is that why you always invite me to these parties that you know I hate? Were you really that desperate for me? Wearing tight fitting clothes all. The. Fucking. Time.” You punctuated every word with a sharp thrust, and he only responded with breathy whimpers into your neck which wasn’t something you’d ever expect from Tony Starj but man did it really boost your fucking ego

You laughed at his reaction and angled your thrusts against his prostate, making sure to hit it roughly and even grind against it which made him let out the throatiest moans you’ve ever heard as you pounded him

He pulled away from your neck to breath but he could barely even catch his breath as you fucked him into an oblivion making his brain fog his thighs trembling around your waist as he did his best to hold on

You, just plain old you, finally defeated the great fucking Tony Stark with your dick, knowing this entire time this is what he wanted, that he’s been dreaming of this, enticing you on purpose, he wanted you to hate him enough to the point where you felt the need to put him in his place, and there was only one more thing for you to do in order to have him completely under your hand

You fucked him purely to chase your release, not caring for his as your hips snapped against his ass relentlessly, making him scream out strings of moans with every sharp thrust before slowing down and finally spilling your load inside his messy puckered hole leaving him an almost adorable drooling mess

You pulled out watching as cum trickled out with your satisfied smile only widening from the look of him completely dazed with drool dripping down down his chin, as much as you hated him and thought he was the most annoying guy in the universe, your not an asshole

You left him on an office chair for a quick second and came back with tissues and water cleaning him up to the best of your abilities and offering him the water until he got back to his normal state and he was able to get back to his own party

“You really fucked my brains out, huh?” He said, still a bit out of it with a dumb smile plastered on his face as you only scoffed and rolled your eyes at him

“Yeah, yeah, this was only a one time thing, your a real pain in my ass Tony,” you said and he only snickered

“A lot of people say that to me, but we both know eventually you’ll come back for more,” you couldn’t say he was wrong per say, after already fucking him once you wanted to do it again and wipe that cocky ass smirk off of his face but you would never admit that to him

“Whatever, see you at work Tony, and not a word about his to anyone.” You said sternly and he made a locking his mouth gesture and throwing away the fake key and you shook your head at his childish behavior and left he called out after you Nanking sure your the only one who heard over the loud music

“Cal me when you want round two, sweetheart!”

You continued walking off but had to admit you couldn’t actually wait until you fucked him again even wait to bf a bit to see him leave the room a minute later and going back to mingling and flirting at his own party, his own cocky-self restored and although you wanted to again, you decided to go back to your own place… for now.

(Lol, sorry I didn’t know how to end this but I hoped you guys enjoyed! Eat, drink some water, and get some rest my lovelies!)

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cyren-myadd · 1 month

Note

Can we get a story with spider and one of the recoms getting into a prank war until Quaritch has enough and has to use his dad voice to tell them to cut it out

Great prompt anon!

3k words 🚨TW: foul language🚨

It was taco day in the cafeteria. Quaritch wasn’t really a fan of tacos, but his squad was back in Bridgehead for the day and they needed fuel. Besides, Quaritch had a headache coming on in anticipation of the mind-numbing meeting he had to attend with Ardmore after lunch, so he didn’t have the energy to find any other type of food. So, tacos it was.

Quaritch grabbed a recom-sized plate for himself as well as a human-sized one for Spider, before tromping back to the human-sized table his squad had commandeered. They looked a little ridiculous, squatting on the table which looked like it was meant for children next to them. Despite being the right size to sit in the seats, Spider opted to sit on top of the table with the others. When Quaritch set the tray of food down in front of Spider, he eyed it warily. Spider had grown up in the jungle, presumably eating a mix of whatever the natives ate and dehydrated MREs left behind by the RDA. For all Quaritch knew, Spider didn’t even know what a taco was.

His suspicion was confirmed a few minutes later when Spider asked, “what the hell is that?”

“It’s a taco.” Quaritch replied tiredly. He pinched the bridge of his nose in an attempt to stave off the impending headache.

“I know what a taco is!” Spider said indignantly. “I don’t know what that is,” he clarified, pointing to a serving of sour cream set on the side of his tray.

“Oh,” Quaritch hummed in understanding. Last time he checked, there weren’t lots of places to find sour cream out in the jungle, so it made sense Spider wouldn’t recognize it. “That right there is—”

“It’s ice cream!” Wainfleet jumped in before he could finish his sentence.

“Really?” Spider’s eyes lit up. He didn’t know what sour cream was, but somehow, he knew about ice cream. Go figure.

Even perched atop the table with the rest of the recoms, Spider’s eyeline was so low that the exasperated look Quaritch shot Wainfleet literally went over his head. Wainfleet just gave his commanding officer a shit-eating grin in response. Today was the first day since Spider had “joined the team” that Spider hadn’t cussed someone out or thrown a fit about something. It looked like Wainfleet was determined to keep the streak going.

“Oh yeah, buddy, tacos and ice cream is everybody’s favorite lunch back on earth. Go ahead and try some!” Wainfleet encouraged, barely holding back a laugh. The other recoms glanced over at his words, their lips twitching in amusement at Spider’s ignorance.

Before Quaritch could decide whether or not to intervene, Spider took a huge bite of pure sour cream. His eyes bugged out wide as he gagged on the sour cream, and the whole table exploded into laughter at his expense. The only ones who weren’t laughing were Quaritch, who looked like he wanted an aspirin, or maybe a couple of shots of whiskey if aspirin wasn’t available, and Spider, whose face flushed pink from anger and embarrassment.

“That wasn’t ice cream!” He cried.

“Yeah, no shit! It’s sour cream, dumbass,” Wainfleet wheezed, “oh, god, you shoulda seen the look on your face!”

“I can show him,” Z-dog said with a wicked grin as she brandished her tablet, “I got it on video.”

The whole table howled with renewed bouts of laughter as Z-dog replayed Spider’s hilarious reaction on screen. Now Spider’s ears burned pink to match the rest of his face, the way they did whenever he was about to pitch a fit. Quaritch groaned in anticipation of another day filled with teenage attitude. And the morning had gone so peacefully too.

“You’re an asshole!” Spider yelled. He snatched a taco off his plate and reared back to throw it right at Wainfleet’s bald dome of a head.

“No!” With reflexes that only came from parenting an unruly child, Quaritch managed to grab Spider’s wrist and before he sent the would-be missile sailing at its shiny, blue target.

“But he—” Spider began to protest, only for Quaritch to cut him off with a look. He huffed and muttered something that was no doubt very rude in Na’vi, but wisely decided not to protest any further.

“Alright, that’s enough. Are you soldiers or a pack of fucking hyenas?” Quaritch asked his squad.

Finally, the big blue idiots shut up, their faces ranging on a scale from scolded to shameless. Despite being the one who nearly caused a food fight, Wainfleet looked the most shameless of them all. “Aww, c’mon, boss. It was just a harmless prank!”

“Whatever it was, it’s over. Get your shit together. We have a meeting in ten,” said Quaritch. The look in his eyes was enough of a warning for the recoms to sober up and finish eating.

Beside him, Spider grumbled under his breath again, but this time Quaritch’s sharp ears caught what he said. “A prank, huh?”

A sinking feeling settled into Quaritch’s stomach. Something told him this was just the beginning of a huge headache— one that had nothing to do with the one brewing behind his eyes.

***

The next day, the recoms were out in the jungle to continue their “field training” while they waited for any intel on Sully. To Quaritch’s relief, Spider had been in an uncharacteristically good mood all day, obeying orders and keeping his snarkiness to a minimum. It seemed like yesterday’s sour cream prank had been forgotten. He checked his watch and noted how late it was getting. Well, what do you know? It was almost time to call it a night and Spider had been on his best behavior all day. Maybe today would be the first day without having a Spider-related crisis. The thought made his lips twitch upwards in the barest hint of a smile.

When he heard a muffled scream followed by Spider laughing like a maniac, his smile went away.

“Jesus Christ,” he grumbled as he turned to see Spider sprint into the little camp they’d set up, an impish grin on his face. “What did you do?”

In answer, Spider just laughed even harder. Quaritch was saved from interrogating him by Wainfleet stomping into camp a moment later, effectively answering his question. A huge, furry yellow mass protruded from his mouth, like he’d tried to swallow a cat whole, and in one hand he held a plant that looked an awful lot like a cattail— a cattail with a bite taken out of it, revealing fluffy yellow insides.

It didn’t take a genius to put two and two together, but Quaritch asked anyway. “Wainfleet, what the hell did you do?”

Wainfleet angrily pointed his cattail at Spider like a spear and tried to say something, but all that came out of his mouth was more yellow fuzz. He doubled over, hacking and wheezing around the plant matter. It almost seemed to defy the laws of physics how much fluff kept coming out of his mouth. Just when you’d think there couldn’t possibly be more, another round of the stuff would appear.

Spider was wheezing almost as hard as Wainfleet was from how hard he was laughing. “I told— I told him— it was like a— a— Na’vi corndog!”

“And you believed him?” Quaritch asked Wainfleet exasperatedly.

Wainfleet gave him a sheepish shrug as he tried to spit out the never-ending stream of plant fur. At this point, the rest of the recoms noticed his plight, and soon everyone except for Quaritch joined Spider in laughing their asses off at him. Z-dog whipped out her tablet and started filming. As they laughed and jeered, Wainfleet’s tail whipped behind him and his ears flattened against his skull. He let out another muffled roar and made a violent gesture at Spider like he wanted to wring his neck. The furious look in his eyes wasn’t enough to make Spider stop laughing, but it was enough to send him scurrying behind Quaritch. This move proved wise when Wainfleet lunged for Spider a moment later, and was stopped by Quaritch’s disappointed scowl.

“Alright, that’s enough everybody! We need to secure the camp before dark!” Quaritch barked before turning to Wainfleet. “You, go clean that shit outta your mouth, and you,” he frowned down at Spider, who was trying very hard to look like he wasn’t hiding behind him for protection, “better not start lying to us about what these plants do. I catch you giving us something that ain’t safe to eat again and I’ll beat you ‘til you don’t need those stripes to look blue anymore.”

“Aww, c’mon, it’s not like I gave him something poisonous!” Spider whined. “It was just a prank.”

Just a prank. The sinking feeling returned to Quaritch’s stomach, along with his headache. Why did he have a feeling this wasn’t going to be the last time he heard that?

(A/N: for anyone who needs a visual, this is what happened to Wainfleet: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/JFKAEnIwtLg)

***

It was less than twenty-four hours before the next prank. The following morning, as they broke camp and prepared the ikran to travel, a piercing scream broke the silence. Quaritch was rearranging Cupcake’s saddlebags when he heard the cry and instantly recognized Spider’s voice. He’d never moved so fast in his life. One minute, he was on the edge of their camp and the next he was at Spider’s side, ready to destroy whatever had dared to make him scream like that. His panic quickly turned to anger when instead of a threat, he found Wainfleet guffawing loudly while Spider cussed him out in a mix of Na’vi and English. Quaritch’s fists shook ever so slightly from how badly Spider’s scream had scared him. He’d gotten so scared it made him feel sick to his stomach, only for it to turn out to be another damn prank. A low growl rose in his throat, but Spider and Wainfleet were too wrapped up in their prank war to notice.

“What the hell even is this?” Spider asked as he angrily pulled something out of his sleeping bag: an evil-looking bug that would’ve been frightening if it wasn’t made of plastic.

“It’s a spider, Spider. What, you don’t like it? Why’d you name yourself after something you don’t like?” Wainfleet chuckled.

“You’re such a dick!” Spider reared back to hurl the fake spider at him, but Quaritch snatched it out of his hand before he could. With a snarl, he chucked the hunk of plastic as far off into the jungle as he could.

“Hey!” Wainfleet protested as his toy disappeared into the undergrowth.

Both Spider and Wainfleet turned to look at Quaritch with matching petulant expressions over having their spat interrupted, but the glower Quaritch gave them was so intense all their childish protests instantly died in their throats.

“Ikran. Now.” Quaritch hissed through clenched teeth.

They made the wise choice to say, “yes sir,” and obey him without complaint. Any other answer would’ve ended with somebody getting chucked into the woods after the toy spider.

***

Quaritch made the mistake of assuming his anger at them in the morning would be enough to bring the prank war to an armistice. That evening, Spider launched his counterattack. When Wainfleet went to lay down for the night, he let out a shriek of disgust at finding a creepy-crawly in his bedroll. It was exactly like what he’d done to Spider, except for one important difference. His unwanted visitor wasn’t made from harmless plastic— and neither were its fangs.

“That’s it!” Wainfleet roared after he’d been bitten on the hand by the Pandoran creature. “I’m gonna teach that little brat a lesson!”

Spider started snickering from across the camp when he heard Wainfleet’s furious voice, but he sobered up fast once he realized Wainfleet wasn’t joking about his threat this time. Once Wainfleet started stomping towards him like an angry titanothere, Spider made the smart choice to make himself scarce. He bolted for the nearest cover, which just so happened to be Quaritch’s tent.

Quaritch was in the middle of writing a status report to Ardmore when he heard Wainfleet start hollering and decided to ignore it. He would deal with those idiots later. Unfortunately, “later” came much sooner than he would have liked when he found himself with a sweaty human teenager scrambling over him to hide in the back of the tent. Bony elbows and knees somehow found the most painful places to land, and a dirty foot sent his tablet flying out of the tent.

“Boy, are you out of your goddamn mind?” Quaritch roared.

Spider slunk into the furthest corner of the tent like a cornered animal. “Sorry.”

An instant later, Wainfleet’s head poked into the tent. His eyes glossed over Quaritch like he wasn’t even there and landed on Spider. “Get back here!”

“No way!” Spider snapped back. The two of them quickly devolved into a shouting match with Quaritch stuck in the middle, completely ignored.

“It’s too late to hide now, you little shit! Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it back.”

“You’re the one who can’t take it back! All I did was finish what you started!”

“I didn’t use a real bug!” Wainfleet waved his hand, which had a swollen insect bite on the palm.

“Sounds like you’re just a pussy!”

“You little bastard!”

“That is enough!” Quaritch’s roar interrupted the shouting match before it could get physical. His gruff voice carried a deep authority to it that instantly cowed the two pranksters. Once he was sure he had their attention, he started dressing them down like he should’ve done yesterday. “You two have been acting like toddlers ever since you started this ridiculous prank war and I’m sick of it! Wainfleet, you’re a grown man for Christ’s sake. The boy is here to teach us and he can’t do that if you keep fucking around with him!”

Wainfleet’s ears drooped down in shame and he murmured an apology. Spider smirked at him.

“And what are you looking so smug for, huh?” Quaritch asked, and his smirk vanished as quickly as it had appeared. “Did you forget you only get to stay out here so long as you behave yourself? You gotta be smarter than this, kid. Not everyone is gonna be as lenient with you as I am, and you’ll get yourself in deep shit acting a fool like this. If I was anybody else, your ass would already be back in Ardmore’s custody, do you understand that?”

Spider squirmed in place at the uncomfortable reminder and also murmured an apology.

“You two are done pranking each other, got it?”

“Yes, sir.” They chorused.

“And when we get back to base, you’re gonna scrub down the latrines until they’re clean enough to eat off of.”

“Yes, sir.”

***

Spider cursed under his breath as he scrubbed the filthy toilet before him— a recom-sized toilet, complete with recom-sized skid marks. Stupid Wainfleet, stupid prank, stupid toilet! He braced his arms against the toilet seat to get a better angle for scrubbing, but he was scrubbing so hard that he slipped. Spider squealed in horror as he nearly fell face-first into the toilet. He managed to catch himself and avoid an accidental-swirly at the last second.

“This is bullshit!” He hurled his cleaning rag against the wall with a wet THWAP!

A moment later, Wainfleet peered around the edge of the stall. “Can’t believe I’m saying it, but I agree with you. I’m an elite member of fucking project Phoenix, not some dumb grunt. This is a punishment for rookies.”

“Yeah, and I’m not a rookie. I didn’t sign up to get bossed around by Quaritch. I didn’t sign up for this at all!” Spider threw his hands up in frustration at his miserable situation.

“I know Quaritch is the boss around here, but he oughta have a little more respect for his squad.”

“And a little more respect for me too!”

Wainfleet gave Spider a sly look out of the corner of his eyes. He held up a bottle of shaving cream he’d found in the bathroom cabinet. “Hey, kid… what do you say we knock the boss down a peg?”

Spider frowned as he processed Wainfleet’s words before giving him a sly grin of his own. “What do you have in mind?”

***

Spider barely contained his laughter as he and Wainfleet snuck down the hallway to Quaritch's room. Usually, Quaritch took a brief nap after his meetings with Ardmore, which made him a perfect target for their prank: the classic shaving-cream-on-the-hand trick. The two pranksters peeked into Quaritch’s room and saw him fast asleep on his oversized bed.

“Go on, I’m right behind you.” Wainfleet whispered, handing him the shaving cream.

Armed with the shaving cream can, Spider slunk into the room as silently as a thanator on the hunt. He’d played plenty of pranks on Lo’ak and Neteyam growing up, so he knew exactly how to approach a sleeping Na’vi without setting off their sensitive hearing. Once he was close enough, he saw Quaritch lying with his hand splayed, palm facing up, right next to his face. He couldn’t have asked for a better set up. Spider took a moment to compose himself before filling Quaritch’s empty palm with a big, fluffy dollop of cream. If he laughed now, the prank would be ruined.

After the set-up was complete, Spider turned to Wainfleet, ready for him to finish the job. He wasn’t there. Spider frowned in confusion when he realized that Wainfleet was still standing in the doorway instead of right behind him like they’d planned.

Once Wainfleet saw he was looking, he gave Spider a devious grin and slowly started to close the door. Spider’s jaw dropped as he realized what Wainfleet was doing.

“Wainfleet, no!” He whispered as loud as he dared. Spider lunged for the door, but he was way too late.

CLICK! The sound of the door locking echoed in the quiet room, shortly followed by Wainfleet’s muffled laughs from the otherside.

“Wainfleet!” Spider hissed desperately as he tried to open the locked door.

The next sound he heard was that of Quaritch waking up and realizing his hand was full of shaving cream. His holler could be heard all throughout Bridgehead:

“MILES JAVIER SOCORRO!”

#cyren myadd writes #avatar #atwow #spider socorro #miles quaritch #avatar the way of water #avatar spider #colonel quaritch #avatar fanfiction #ao3 #recom lyle wainfleet #lyle wainfleet

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