#both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

imagineredwood · 2 months

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Group HC - The Boys reactions to getting caught stealing your panties 👙

I know. I know. It’s terrible and gross and icky I KNOW 😭😭 but I saw HCs for another shows characters around this idea and I couldn’t get it out of my head and it triggered the memory that this is actually canon for Juice and…yeah. Here we are 🧍🏻‍♀️

He’s not sorry. Or embarrassed. He loves you, loves everything about you. He thinks you’re the best thing since sliced bread. He worships you and the ground beneath your feet. So why wouldn’t he steal your panties? They’re yours, and they rest against his most favorite part of you all day 🤷🏻‍♀️ He won’t apologize, not even when your face heats up and you cover it with both hands. On the contrary, he probably makes a show of taking one out of the secret pile and sniffing it. He’s nasty, and he knows regardless of how you feel about it, you know he does it out of love and devotion. So he’s ok with it. And he’s not gonna stop.

He’s ashamed. He knew he shouldn’t have done it. Felt weird and invasive, but he couldn’t help it. He just loves you so much, and he gets lonely when you’re apart, and it smells like you. What else was he supposed to do? He would never cheat, would never even dream of it. But the stress of the club gets to him, especially the more complicated things get, he just needs comfort and relief, and when he saw them laying there in the hamper, he snagged it without thinking. Then he couldn’t stop, even when he knew he should. Even goes as far as offering to take apart the washer saying that maybe the machine is eating them 👀 He apologizes, cheeks tinted red, eyes downcast and hopes you don’t hold it against him. He’ll ask before he takes them next time, scouts honor.

Like Angel, he’s not embarrassed. He just shrugs, telling you that you’re his girl and your pussy is his, so why can’t he just take them? 🙄 He buys you new pairs every now and then anyway. So he wants to smell you randomly throughout the day, whats the harm in that? He just misses you. And likes to look at the pair and reminisce about times he’s taken them off of you. Is that a crime? He even reaches into his kutte and pulls out the pair that he’s kept on him today to show that it’s no big deal, and they’re the ones from yesterday, you recognize.

He’s bashful, arguably, but not necessarily embarrassed. It’s more about getting caught than it is the actual act. Like a kid with his hand in the cookie jar. He’s not sorry for taking them, he’s just sorry that it’s kinda awkward for you to find the stash. He laughs awkwardly, shrugging it off or trying to anyway. Explains that he just rarely gets time to himself, so he is uses them when he’s alone in Templo to get his mind right. That your scent calms him and helps his focus. He didn’t think you’d mind too much, he just also never expected you to find out.

He's not sorry in the slightest and he makes sure you know it too. He bought every pair anyway, what's the issue? He could buy you 30 pairs by lunch 🙄 He wasn't up from about it, no, but he also didn't necessarily hide it. It just wasn't entirely in the open. You're respectful and don't go through his stuff in his office so how would you have known he had an entire drawer of his desk with them all collected in there? You'll get over it, a few new lingerie sets will make sure of that.

The OG of panty stealing and sniffing himself. It’s canon after all. He just can’t help himself. You’re his moon and stars and he just can’t get enough of you. Even when you’re perched in his lap, cockwarming him, face nuzzled in the crook of his neck, it’s not enough. He needs to be in your skin. But he can’t. So stealing your panties is the next best thing. It’s a compulsion he can’t fight. God knows he’s tried. And he tells you as much. Lists all of the things he did first to try and not have to submit to that desire. But in the end it didn’t matter. He just needs to have your most intimate article with him at all times. Keeps He doesn’t want you to think he’s a freak but he also just need you to know how much he absolutely loves, adores, and worships you. He’ll even hand over the pair in his pocket if you ask him to.

He's nonchalant about it. It's just panties. You have a bunch more. Not like you were gonna miss them or something. He just loves you and likes to have something of yours that he can keep nearby when he misses you. One in his pocket, one in the sale bag of his bike tucked away hidden. His stash is dispersed, not because he was necessarily hiding them, but because there's one each place that will serve a purpose.

Also not embarrassed. Hits you with that famous smirk, his shoulders shrugging as you stare at him waiting for an answer. "Just miss you sometimes, Darlin'. Just somethin' to get me by." Like it's perfectly normal. He left you your favorite pairs after all. He only takes the ones you're not the biggest fan of, so you wouldn't notice as quickly. It's not a big deal, he can give them back. Sometimes he just needs to sit in the chapel with them over his face while he strokes himself before Church so he can make sure he has a level head before this important vote.

General taglist

@piccasoe @ateliefloresdaprimavera @gemini0410 @woahitslucyylu @my-rosegold-soul @that-chick212 @everyhowlmarksthedead @glimmerglittergirl @fanaticfangurl21 @encounterthepast @svintsandghosts @starrynite7114 @destynelseclipsa @queenbeered @iamthegraham @emoengelfurleben @otomefromtheheart @rosieposie0624 @papa-geralt-of-cirilla @beeroses @weirdosandhopelessromantics @kola95 @black-repunzel99 @xonickibaby @cruzwalters @myakai13 @mrsstevenbuchananstark @lyly00 @kaystacks17 @cole-winchester @alexxavicry @savagemickey03 @fanfic-n-tabulous @choochoo284 @xbloodyxangelx @carma-fanficaddict @gillysoldlady

Mayans MC taglist

@dazzledamazon @abunnykisses @briana-mishell24 @wrcn9fvlcver @thesandbeneathmytoes @krysiewithak @appropriate-writers-name @blessedboo @megapeacelovemusic-blog @emoengelfurleben @blowmymbackout @abby-splace @kola95 @black-repunzel99 @redpoodlern @myakai13

@cruzwalters @danimals1096 @po3ticb3auty @lyly00 @im-just-a-mississippi-girl @angel-121 @fanfic-n-tabulous @90sisthenew80s @lovelytricia @librarian1002

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salbei-141 · 4 months

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Be honest with me (Roman Roy x reader)

Masterlist

word count: 1.1k

warnings: 18+, pure fluff and comfort, mentions of verbal abuse

a/n: Inactivity who? A rare update I know lol. Anyway y’all I’m so in love with him - honestly in love with all the Roy siblings, but Romulus got a special place in my heart <3

I love how late I jump onto writing trends for characters, but in my defence I've had this in the drafts for MONTHS. Anyway, hope you enjoy my loves <3

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The apartment was silent, it felt too out of character, especially for Roman. The both of you lay in silence on his bed, still in today's clothes.

You move your hand slowly - scared that a sudden movement would cause him to suddenly get up and leave without warning. Tentatively, you inch your fingers onto his own - he said nothing, nor did he move. Gaining more confidence and desperate to comfort him knowing how loud his mind must be right now - you encapsulate his hand within your own. They’re soft and warm - Roman was always warm to touch. You feel his hand squeeze your own back - still no words being said.

You take a deep breath, feeling the need to break the silence finally, but before you can, Roman cuts you off.

“Please don’t,” his voice came out weak - he was usually so quick witted…he just sounded tired.

“Okay,” your voice was soft - a complete dichotomy to the tone he was used to from his father and siblings.

Another 30 minutes went by in complete silence - the both of your steady breaths being the only thing heard. Your hand still lay in his - he hadn't moved an inch unless it was to gently squeeze your hand every so often.

You turn on your side, slipping your hand out of his - he still didn't move. You decided to move closer to him, laying your head on his shoulder and draping your right arm across his chest that rose up and down with each breath he took.

You studied his face - he looked like he wanted to push you off of him, and yet simultaneously he was aching to pull you closer to him. Your touch was the only touch he felt safe feeling - you'd never hurt him, and he never doubted that thought for a second, but he was just so used to being alone and pushing people away.

You were desperate to hear his voice, to understand what was running through his head. You knew he was probably going to say some stupid quip to hide how he really felt, but you'd see straight through him; he knew this and it was the scariest thing to him - that you actually saw him.

"Ro...," you were gentle - a part of him just wanted you to shout at him and tell him he was a waste of space just like his father had - it was all he knew. However, you were just too kind, you actually cared for him, and not in the way his father cared for him - if you could call it that - but in a way that was so genuine and pure that it felt wrong to him, but he craved every second of it.

His gaze moved from the ceiling to your worried face - you looked beautiful he thought, he had always thought you were the most beautiful person he knew. "Yeah," his voice sounded small and tired.

"Are you okay?" the question was stupid, you knew he wasn't, but you wondered if he'd answer you honestly - if for once he'd be vulnerable with you, and truly let you into what was going through his mind.

"What? Pfft yeah I'm fine, real fucking good...just thinking about who has bigger tits - you or Gerri...I think Gerri does," there it was...he couldn't be honest with you for a minute if he tried - he'd rather say some crude shit and hope you'd be weirded out enough like everyone else and just leave him so he could avoid sharing his emotions.

You sat up, leaning on one hand as you stared down at him while he tried to avoid your gaze which was slowly glazing over with unshed tears. "Roman...please I-...can you just be honest with me?" your voice had a slight shake - scared that you were going to push him over the edge and he'd run.

He made eye contact with you, his heart clenching in his chest, no one had made him feel the way you could make him feel, and that scared him. He didn't know what to do - his mind was screaming so many things at him all at once that he couldn't really make a decision, so he stayed silent.

Several minutes passed of you both just holding each other's gaze then he opened his mouth tentatively, "Why do you care about me? Why can't you just call me a freak or a perv and leave?" You watched as his eyes reddened and glazed over as he tried his hardest not to cry in front of you. Had you cracked him? It felt bittersweet that he might finally just be honest with you, but the pain in his eyes was tearing at your heart.

You smiled, giggling softly as you lifted a hand to his cheek and wiped away a singular tear that had managed to fall, watching as he turned his face to meet your caress - he trusted you. "Because I fucking love you Roman".

"But why?" he interrupted you like a child would trying to understand such a foreign concept that you were trying to explain.

"There's no reason - I mean there is, you're...you. I love you Roman." You were so soft with him, it felt alien to him. It broke you that he couldn't fathom the concept of someone genuinely loving him, and in such a pure way too. This love wasn't like the love from his father, nor from his siblings - it was something so foreign that he couldn't understand it, but he liked it...he liked this.

You laid back down beside him, "Come here Ro...please" your eyes had such a soft stare - they were so warm and inviting, he couldn't object to the embrace you were offering him.

Roman inched across the bed over into your arms, wrapping his arm around your waist and burying his face in your chest, while you wrapped an arm around his back, holding him close to you. You fell into a comfortable silence, holding each other without a care in the world - it was just the both of you.

"I love you too, you know?" he muttered it so quietly that it almost went unheard, but a smile spread across your face at his confession. You knew that he had probably been having an internal argument with himself on whether or not he was actually going to say it to you; without any sarcasm too.

You felt your heart fluttering in your chest and you pulled him closer to you, "Yeah I know". You tilted your head down slightly and pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head. He went to open his mouth to say some sarky comment, but immediately shut it - he didn't need to feel defensive around you, not now, and not ever.

#fluff #fem reader #sucession #roman roy x reader #roman roy #roman roy fluff #roman roy imagine #roman roy x you #succession x reader #comfort #fanfic #succession roman #logan roy #shiv roy #kendall roy #gregory hirsch #tom wambsgans

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phoniexrose02 · 5 months

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Robby Keene x Black! Reader

You awoke with a Painful ache in your Back, This Week had Really Been Beating your Ass. Both of your Jobs Decided to Work you to the Nail, Unfortunately Missing your Boyfriend's Karate Tournament. Robby Understood of course, But you'd Felt like such an Ass and When you found out about the Outcome you'd Felt even More Responsible. Everything Just Seemed to Be working against you Right now.

"Next Off Day Robby I Swear..."

You Held your phone Close to your Ear an Huffed a Tired Breathe"You know I want too~" stared around the empty Breakroom, Robby Sat awake in New bed. He'd Felt a Bit Odd in his New Room an Decided to Spark the Room up a bit, a lit preroll in between his fingers. Getting high asf after all the recent shit he'd been threw was Great But as great as it way all he could think about right now was You.

"Mm~ you Owe me like 24hr Worth of Cuddles already Sweetheart" He Grumbled out staring up into his Ceiling."I might be able to Get the Weekend~" You smiled to yourself, it finally felt Forever since you'd seen Him and now that he Lived closer you could get to him a lot cheaper." We can Cuddle all we Want, Maybe ruin that New Bed of yours~" you Whispered, Robby Could Feel the Ideas coming to his Mind. His Dick Getting excited to the thought, you Groaned Looking Toward the Clock.

Back to it I guess....

"My 30 mins is almost up, I'll see you This weekend Baby"

As the Called Ended Robby Stared around his Room, Looked a bit Bland...Soo he Decides to make it Fun For both of you. He Spend a Good Chunk of his Weekly allowance to Deck out his Room, Posters, New Pillows, Candles, an a few pedals and Flowers. He let himself Browse around the mall for anything else that Would lighten your Mood, Robby smiled after a bit of Walking around Laying his Eyes on the Perfect Gift.

As Friday Came you routinely Called Him up after your shift as you Waited for your Lyft."Hope you weren't Working to Hard gorgeous" you smiled Bright as you usually did when he Answered your Call."Mm'Trying" you spoke quietly."I Called a Ride I should be Over in a bit"

"Cancel it."

"Wha- Why??"

He hung up Leaving You a Bit confused an Huffed before putting him on you speaker you Cancelled your Ride, Before you could fully register his request you were pulled away with a Loud honk." Need a Lift Gorgeous" your eyes Fell on the EagleFang Van."No Way he let you Drive it!" You yelled happily prancing to the Passengers Seat, as you were about to hop in You Noting the Beautiful flower bouquets."Oh Robby, how Gentleman Like~" you Hop in Setting your Bag onto the Ground an the Flowers in your lap.

"Only the Best for my Girl~" You Both Lean in for a Longing Kiss, He let his ringed Fingers Gently Rest on your Face, the Cool Metal Meeting your Warm Cheeks." I Missed you~" he Quietly Hummed out as he pulled away from you." I missed you Too, I'm so Sorry I couldn't get to you Sooner"

"Don't worry bout it baby, We'll make it all Up tonight~"

You Placed your Hand on his Thigh Most of the Drive, it Seemed like so much to talk about But Silence Quickly Over took."Soo, how are things? Living with your Dad I Mean.." he Huffed as if to think very Carefully about the Subject."Better. I'm actually gonna be a Big Brother" You Eyes instantly Widened in Shock."Holy Fuck I didn't think he had it in him! So how do you Feel? Have you Met her yet?" He Nodded letting out a Relieved Sigh." She's cool, I'm kinda Proud of him, it's still a little weird tho. But we're working through it.." he finally Said with a Confident Smile, You let your hand rest on his shoulder an Gently Grazed at his Neck.

The small gesture Brought him Comfort, as he Pulled into the Driveway and Parked the Car He finally Looked over to you, Your Curvy Body Shoved into the Uncomfortable Work uniform."Is He Home?" You asked Softly Taking in your Surroundings, an Robby Examined your Beautiful Lips as you Speak." nah, He promised to go stay with her tonight." You smiled and He Gave a Bright one back, you Both Grabbed your things before Heading Inside.

"I love you, you know that?" he Blurted out Randomly in the Hallway as he Stopped at his Door, a Smirk stretched against your chubby Cheeks."I know Robby~" you planted a kiss to his Cheek, an you two Proceeded to open his door.

Smoke n' Fuck?~

You giggled at as the Read the petals aligned on his Bed. You examined his Room an Smiled, you loved just Being in his Safe Space it Brought you comfort." It's amazing Baby, and of Course I'll Smoke N' Fuck with you~" You pull off your uncomfony work shoes and place them next to the door with your Bag."You want some of my clothes?" You placed the Flowers at his Desk an began to Strip from your Tight Clothes as Time Robby started to Rummage through his Draws.

"Sure. You got Sum Rolled for me?~" you Wrapped your arms around his Waist letting your tits Press Heavily onto his Back." Of Course, I also got another Present for ya".

He Dug into the Bottom of his Draws handed the you a gifted wrapped bag,You Gush as you pulled out a Box Reading 'Magic Wand' with a Smirk."You didn't~" it'd felt like forever since you two had Been intimate, you Pulled the Toy From the Box Before turning it on. The strong vibrations in your fingers Send a Tinkle Down your Spine. You play with the Settings of the Toy Smirking at the highest. "Wanna Test it Out?~"

You Nodded an he helped you Undress the rest of you clothing, you Plopped down onto the bed some petals Falling to the Floor in Result. You watched from his Bed as a Pulled off his Top an Slipped a Prerolled into his Mouth, you bite your lip as Taking in his Beautiful physique."I know we said 'Fuck Cobra Kai' , But Damn Did they get you Ripped~" he quickly discarding of his pants with a Chuckled. Only left in his Boxers he Crawled in between your legs Spreading them to his Liking, your glistening Cunt in perfect view. You hand him the Wand and he Switches it out for the J.

"Fuck Cobra Kai, this was all Me Baby~" he turned it onto its first setting as you took a long Drag. He let out a quiet groan at the strong vibrations, something about it making him Dick Twitch."You ready Beautiful?~" You Nodded Resting On your Elbows, Robby Made sure to place the ashtray onto his Bed as soon as he Lit it so you two would have no Reason to Split apart again.

He placed the Toy Against your gush Cunt, the Strong Vibration Made Jerk. He Held your Side with one hand keeping you steady."Easy Baby, Relax~" Robby slowly moved the Soft Bud Up to your Clit, an you Took another Huff with a Quiet Hum. You Wiggled your hips against the Vibrating toy." Your Leaking all over this thing baby, I take it you like?~" you Nodded in approval taking another hit before Gently Shoving the Toy away.

"It's a really stimulating, But you Promised me a Good Fuck~" you Two Switched out once again and you turned on the wand settings up. "You sure you can Handle that? Seem a Little jumpy with this thing alone." Robby asked as he Hit the Joint as you played with yourself in Bliss."Jumpy's Good, an you usually have the strength to keep me Down~" your Toes Curled as you Found your Sweet Spots with the Toy."Hey! Your Not Cumming without me~"

Robby Placed the Roach onto the Ashtray before Pulling his Hard Dick From his Boxers. He Ran his Hard Cock threw your Leaking Folds He Let out a Gentle Grunt as he Made Contact with the Toy, you Gently place your hands against his Guiding the Toy to your Sweet Spots."Fuck~ your Gushing~" He Held your hips n Place before Shoving his Tip in your Hole, he Sunk inside Your soaking Cunt.

Robby's hips Shook as his Pelvis met with the Buzzing Plaything, He Hummed as his Hips Quickly Jerked into you. His Rough Thrust Making Dawning you Speechless, you Fell Back into the Pillows as Robby Fucked you into the Mattress.

Fuck New Favorite~

"More! More!~" you Chanted To him as you Reached For his Abs, he Growled an Tensed Ramming down Deep, Your hips Jump as Robby placed the Toy onto its highest Setting He let out a Deep Moan Feeling the Vibration himself,Your Walls Clung on tight forcing him to Speed up his Thrust.

" Oh God! Oh God! I'm Cumming Robby! I'm Cumming!~" You Gripped at the Sheets and your Toes Curl, he pulled the Wand from your Cunt as you Spilled you Juices onto him, Robby Pulled himself out and with a Few Strokes he Cums over your stomach and Clit."Fuck, I think this might be my New Favorite~" He Pulled himself from the Bed and put away the Wand. "We'll play with her More Later" You were left pretty Boneless as he Cleaned you up, your high brain Going Bland for a sec.

"Fuck...I got Munchies now" You shameful Whispered an he Giggled Fixing the Sweat Strands of Hair and pulling on a Pair of Sweatpants." Let me take you out..?"

"No Way, You still owe me my Cuddles" he Slide back into Bed Pulling you Close to his Chest, he was Warm against your back and his hands Gripped your Naked Waist Tight."How about DoorDash an a movie?" He Grunted at the thought of spending anything on him at all." If we Smoke before It'll Taste Better..."

"Fine, But I refuse to let you leave my Bed Pretty Girl~"

More Cobra Kai 🐍

#black reader #Robby Keene #Robby Keene x Black! Reader #robby keene x reader #robby keene smut #cobra kai #cobra kai x reader #cobra kai smut #Vanilla Brown Pound #Cobra Kai x Black! Reader #Tanner Buchanan

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pbandjesse · 8 months

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I cannot believe Camp is over. It both was the longest summer ever and the shortest. I am driving home now and it's 7:00. I've spent the last couple hours cleaning and organizing and finishing up all the little things I couldn't do because I still had to have my building as a functional space. But while this week had many annoying parts at least today ended in a really sweet way. And I feel really happy and content inside.

After I do my post last night I stayed up way too late. I couldn't get comfortable. I have this problem in my hammock sometimes when I'm trying to position the blanket underneath me where I end up crooked like on the edge of the hammock and then I'm uncomfortable and then finding a way to make the sand hit me in the right way is the whole thing. But once I fell asleep I actually slept really well.

I woke up at like 7:30 and laid in bed until 8:15. I felt weird. But fine. I would get up eventually and washed myself up and tried to shake off my sleepiness. I really liked my outfit today and I felt very cute. But I knew that today was going to have a lot of moving parts. There were a lot of things to do.

this morning I would have a yogurt for breakfast and some of my old pizza from yesterday. And I would take a little walk and then I would go and start putting things away that I could. Most of my stuff I had dealt with last week but there was some stuff I could still deal with. Ty brought some things up throughout the day. And I was able to pack those down into the cabinet. And he also wanted to paint a bow and a spear that he made. I am still a little frustrated that he never came last night or said anything so really kind of hurt my feelings but it's fine. It's his loss if he didn't do the project. And I hope he would value the projects that he did complete.

I did get a little frustrated today because I just felt like I never had moments alone. Someone was always in the building talking to me. And then Louisa was there and she's great and I love her but she just talks talks talks. And Even when I'm trying to talk to my group sometimes she still is talking and she tells me that oh she's just talking to herself. But it's very distracting for me and then it makes the other kids think they can talk over me and then it just sets a bad precedent. I really like that she likes to hang out with me but I also felt very overstimulated having no moments where someone wasn't speaking to me and I couldn't just sit still and do the things that I needed to do.

But to her credit she was incredibly helpful at times. Annabelle had let me take the box of scrap leather that she didn't think was usable and we dumped it on the ground and spent like a half an hour sorting through it to find anything we thought could be cut down into squares to be usable. And while most of the box was too small and is going to be scrapped trash. We got like a good containers worth of material. And it was fun just working on that.

My groups are a little silly today. Like it just felt like everyone was too tired to do anything. Some people made stuff but today no one was really into the project and if they just want to sit there that's them I don't care. I also didn't want to do anything. So most people just hung out and that was fine with me. I enjoyed other people's company and tried to just be chill.

I did not get as much knitting done today as I was hoping. But I'll have tomorrow at the market so I'm not that worried. I worked on putting things away that I still had out and I kind of figured out a plan for my recycling and a lot of my materials and then I came up with a plan for putting away my tables and chairs. Eventually I would also take all the carpets up from under my hammock and fold those up to put in my storage chest. Louisa kept saying that it was getting emptier and emptier in there and she wasn't wrong.

Louisa Kendall lunch with me which at that point I was very burnt out and just wanted to stare at my phone. But my phone was having a lot of services today and was having trouble loading anything. I was excited about lunch though because we had vegetarian hot dogs. And they weren't good ones but I was still excited to eat a hot dog. I love hot dogs. And I sat with Celia and Annabelle and Annabelle did not get her full specialty groups picture but we did take a little shot together and I thought it was really cute. It also was a live photo so we got it as a little video.

And after I finished eating Celia went inside to get her and Annabelle another hot dog and brought my plate to put away for me but then she broke the plate back out by accident and we all had a very silly laugh. And then Annabelle shared some digestive cookies that she brought. I think it's funny that I'm calling them digestive cookies but I I know what I mean. And that's all that matters. And they were fine. A little boring. She described them like a graham cracker and I would agree with that. Like a really light and boring graham cracker.

After that I told him I needed to go and lay in the dark for a little while. And Louisa would come back up and I told her like we said please I need to be alone and she said okay I will be back in 1/2 hour. And I was like okay fine. And I sat in my hammock and read my book and I did not finish it but that is okay. I did enjoy reading and I felt a lot better after taking my alone time rest.

My afternoon groups were fine. I had the little kids. Day Camp one. Kenny's in that group. And he had a little tantrum when I wouldn't let him make a third sculpture. It's not because I didn't want him to make a third sculpture it was because I'd stab myself twice and we were cleaning up. But he's through himself on the ground. And like I get it. I would also be upset but Kenny use your words. Don't throw yourself with the floor. And then I got him a bag and put all the materials in so we can make it later and it was fine. He was over it. But it still made me sad to see him sad. That group actually did make some good stuff but again we ran into the problem with the scissors being terrible. At least their counselors helped. I did not have all helpful counselors today. I had some help from counselors but it is definitely a mixed bag.

I had my little half hour break and during that time I did some organizing and put some more stuff away. I decided that today I was also going to go through my Native American field trip stuff. And so I wanted to make lists of what will be in each kit so that it's in like an easier grab than what I've been doing before. They were boxed already but it was a lot of extra stuff that made the boxes very heavy and I want everything to be much more streamlined. So I made those lists and while I was sitting there a CIT and Louisa came down to ask for help but I was not the best person to be helpful so we found Nick and it was fine. And then Louise and me finished her embroidered pillow. I sewed it on the sewing machine and then she stuffed it and I would do a ladder stitch to hide the seam. And it looked great. I should have grabbed a picture of it because she did such a good job. And the tipis was there.

They were so excited when they found out that I saved metal for them. I haven't let anyone cast anything in like 2 weeks because I wanted the last group to get to do metal casting. And that was such a good call on my part and we had like exactly enough metal to get them all one or two pieces. And they made some really fun things. A fish and then arrow and someone even tried to recreate a nail. It didn't work 100% of the time but we all got to experiment with stuff and it was really fun. And we used almost all of the last ever metal. Couple of them even made rings which are very difficult to do. And Louisa even made one which was really cute. And it was a lot of fun. We talked about metal casting and how that works and what can work and what doesn't and there was experimentation and interesting shapes. And I just had some nice conversations with the kids. And I always really enjoy that. They're a good group.

My last group of the day came 10 minutes early and I was like you have to take them somewhere else in the counselor It doesn't speak a lot and was not super receptive to that. And I was just like I don't know what to tell you my other group is here. I have cleaning up the metal and a couple of their metal pieces were still too hot for them to take. And so I put the memory refrigerator to try the cool them down and it worked a little but it wasn't ideal. So I gave the one that was still too hot to PJ so that he could hold on to it until it cools down. I hope they came out okay. I hate not being able to see them to make sure that they got something cool. Especially because the one girl's piece broke and half the first time for some reason. I think there was still too much dirt in the metal. I'm usually pretty good about cleaning it before I pour it but sometimes mistakes happen.

And then my last group was there for real that time. And they did fine. They didn't make much but the ones that did did a good job. They help me clean up in the counselor while he was not super talkative he did help me bring in every single chair so I didn't have to do it and that was very kind of him. And while they were working I put all of the materials away that I could. And I started clearing off my table that I use for project display and then putting away some of the examples that people made that just came out really good and I was just really happy with how everything was coming together. Ty had brought me more stuff to put away. Including food which I was like you cannot store food in here. And so he said he would take that to the office and I would start putting that stuff in boxes that would fit in the cabinet. And then it was just waiting for the kids to be done. And once they were they helped me bring all the materials in. The girls did so good. The boys did not and I made the pig cardboard up off the floor because they were just kind of slowly putting their shoes on after the hammock and by the time they did the girls had gotten all the supplies inside and they were like oh we don't have to do anything and I said no you're going to pick up cardboard scraps. And then they were mad at me but I don't care because they need to clean up. It's one of those things that drives me insane like when kids say that they have to go to the bathroom right now as soon as we start cleaning. No you'll go one more done cleaning.

But then we were done. My last group of the summer. And I was alone. I would spend the next hour cleaning went away. And then I finally got into my organization of my Native American field trip stuff.

I took a walk down to the office and teased to CJ about how I texted her and she never texted me back but it turns out it was my phone. Because there's something wrong with it today and I'm not getting all the text messages. And I'm sad about it. I want to know what she said to me. But it was good to see her. I know she was super busy today and then I went back up and continued working. Celia texted me and asked if I was up there and she met me on my way back up from the office. And she would hang out with me organization she worked on her computer on her lesson planning and her animal care sheets. American field trip stuff and picking up things that I'm going to use and putting the things that I'm not going to use inboxes with lids so they can go to the Yukon basement. Because I'm sure it'll get used to or something in the future but it's just not something that I need. And I want to try to eliminate as much confusion as possible by having less materials in these boxes.

And I was having a great time doing it. And a couple people even came up to have me sign their T-shirts which I thought was so cute. It was almost all boys but it was very sweet and I always signed with a little teddy bear next to my name.

When one of The stockade counselors came up to have me sign their T-shirt I was like oh can you ask Jorge to come up and give me a hug because I'm going to be leaving tonight. And he said oh okay So he went and got Jorge. And Jorge was like you're leaving tonight?! And I was like yes I know you're flying out on Monday and I wanted to say thank you for how nice you were to me all summer and he was like thank you so much for the sticker and all the stuff that you did and fixing my stuffed animal and he was just so sweet. We got a big hug and then him and the boys were sitting outside because they were hoping my hammocks were there but they were not. And so instead I was like hey I really want the cubby that's down at the lodge. I was told that someone would bring it to me at the summer but it never happened would you guys be able to get it. And Jorge and the boys went and got it from me and I know it was heavy cuz it's solid wood but they brought it all the way up to me and I am just so thrilled. It was such a kind gesture and it really made me feel like people were showing up to for me.. because honestly today I did not feel that way all the time. Especially when I moved all the tables inside the building by myself. I did turn them over like rolling on their side so it wasn't super heavy but I did have to do it by myself and that made me sad.

But then having Celia there she help me carry some boxes down that I absolutely should not have been carrying by myself. She watch me almost fall off a chair and was like nope I'm going to be helping you now. And it was really nice. And she had to leave eventually because she had to work on stuff in the nature lodge but I kept working and around 6:40 I was finishing up as a couple CITs came in to have me sign their shirts and asked about what I was doing and I told him about the name American field trip and they were so excited for me which made me feel really excited. And then I got to meet Antonio's mom and I didn't realize Antonio was only 18 so that was neat. And I got to tell her all about my organization and she seemed really excited about it. I love when people are excited about things I'm excited about.

And I finally got to sign off on Antonio's art project because he worked so hard on his charcoal drawing. And then I went down to say goodbye to the people in the office.

I called them just as they were about to cross the field and it was perfect timing. I gave Heather, Alexi, and Chris hugs and told them how one side of the outside of the art building is stuff for storage and how one side is trash. And how so happy that I'm going to be coming back in two weeks I hope that the ceremony tonight goes wonderful.

But I am going home. I am so tired and so dirty. I cannot wait to take a real shower and wash my hair. I definitely think I have outgrown staying at camp. I think 2 years was enough. But you know it's okay. I love being at camp at the drive isn't bad. I just wish gas was cheaper. I hope that get all of the stuff that I have in the car in the house quickly. It was definitely a struggle to get all of my stuff in here especially the hammock stand. But it's all in here and it needs to be washed desperately. But that's for another day.

I'm almost home now and tomorrow I have the market. And CJ's going to be there so I'm excited about that. And I'm just looking forward to having a couple weeks where I don't have to do anything. So I'm going back to camp on the 5th but for the next two weeks I'm just going to chill. I'm hoping that I can go and see my parents and hoping that I can do some organizing and getting rid of at the apartment and maybe I'll go to the dragon bow festival that I'm looking at the sign for on the highway. But I just hope that it isn't good and restful time.

I hope that you guys all have a safe evening. be careful out there because people are driving like crazy people. Good night my friends.

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boricuacherry-blog · 1 year

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Friday, July 20, 1962

To Dr. Ruth Beuscher:

First of all, please charge me some money. I feel a fraud and a heel to be cadging time and advice out of you for nothing...My last New Yorker poem [Tulips] earned me $270, so I can afford the luxury of a good psychiatrist, which is you.

The virginity, as it were, of our marriage ended Friday the 13th (Oh we are very superstitious in our house) & I went to a friend's with the baby leaving mother here with [two-year-old] Frieda & went through the whole bloody thing minute by minute.

At first I thought, why did he have to f*** this woman in this nasty way? Then, after I had got over the nausea, got the doctor to knock me out for 8 hours after a week of no eating or sleeping, I thought: Thank God. I am free of so much. And this was probably the most economical way to do it, although at the time of my misery I thought it the cruellest.

I remember you almost made me hysterical when you asked me if, or suggested, that Ted might want to go off on his own. This was heresy to me then, the Worst. How could a true-love ever ever want to leave his truly-beloved for one second? We would experience Everything together.

I began to worry about the purity & strength of my love when I found myself thinking: Why doesn't the bastard leave the house and let me put my hair up & dust & sing. I think obviously both of us must have been pretty weird to live as we have done for so long.

I was always having nightmares about Ted dying or being in accidents & for this reason could hardly bear to let him out of my sight. For fear he would desert me forever, like my father [who died from diabetes when Sylvia was eight], if I didn't watch him closely enough. And he must have had enough desire for womb-comfort to stick it out. Well, we are 30. We grow up slowly, but, it appears, with a bang.

I'm damned if I'm going to be a wife-mother every minute of the day. And as I am a pretty faithful type, and have no desire left for malice or revenge on Ted, to 'get back at him,' I'd just as soon make love with Ted. But coming from a distance, from a space, a mutual independence.

The little conventional girl-wife wanted Ted to come back & say: My God, how could I hurt you so, it will never happen again. But I knew I couldn't really stand him to say that, & he didn't. He told me the truth about the femme fatale. And I didn't die. I thought my capacity for conventional joy & trust & love was killed, but it wasn't. It is all back.

And I don't think I'm a suicidal type anymore, because I was really fascinated to see how, in the midst of genuine agony, it would all turn out & kept going. I really did believe it was the Worst Thing that could happen, Ted being Unfaithful; or next worst to his dying. Now I am actually grateful it happened, I feel new.

I have no desire for other men. Ted is one in a million. Sex is so involved with me in my admiration for male intelligence, power and beauty that he is simply the only man I lust for.

I know men feel differently about sex, but I thought, they, too, were capable of deep and faithful love. It is not very much consolation to me that Ted really deeply & faithfully loves me, while he follows any woman with bright hair, or an essay on Shakespeare in her pocket, or an ability for flamenco dancing.

The thought of Ted making physical love to them, registering them under my name in hotels, letting all the people we know see this, hurts and nauseates me horribly. I feel if he really loved me he would see how this hurt damages my whole being, makes it barren, and deprives me of joy in lovemaking with him.

All the stupid little things I did with love - baking bread, making pies, painting furniture, planting flowers, sewing baby things - seem silly and empty without faith in Ted's love. And the children who so delighted me are like little miasmas, crying for daddy.

-Sylvia Plath

#sylvia plath #letter #dr. ruth beuscher #ted hughes

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trans-at-30 · 1 year

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Summary of tweets so far in November:

November 1:

Repeat with me: trans people are not a trend. We are not transitioning because of a trend.

Seriously, I just read something that depicted it like that, and geez, now I'm mad.

Well, what else can you expect from right-wing media in Spain? Just attacking trans people over and over again.

November 2:

Something I'd like to do one day: cosplay.

For that, I'd need to learn sewing.

My mom can sew. She offered to teach me.

When I told her what I wanted to do: "are you really going to wear that? You should better do something that you actually use"

...Thanks, mom.

This brings back a fight we had last summer about me "not being excited or thrilled about things/hobbies anymore".

Eh, maybe because whenever it was something "weird", you don't like it? And when it was something you were actually interested, you expected results? Maybe, eh.

November 3:

I remember a classmate back in high school, with long hair. One decade later, I learned she transitioned.

Now, years later, I'm transitioning at 30.

We both were trans kids, just that she understood, but I didn't.

There were, are and will be trans kids. We are not a trend.

Before, I barely had a life. I just did as expected, trying to please everybody and not caring about myself or my emotions. My life was empty and I felt hollow.

Now I feel better with myself and my possibilities. Now I feel I have a future.

Today I did something I've never thought I'd do.

... I went to the gym.

With HRT (and @uberanneart's art), I felt more comfortable with my body and the idea of being a "fat woman", so I didn't think of going to the gym at first.

But well, I've been told a bit of exercise can contribute to HRT effects and fat redistribution, so here we go.

Something good: my mom told me at the gym: "you know, I'm starting to see some curves in your body. Hormones are working"

I kinda noticed that some time ago, but was happy that someone else noticed.

I bought two leggings for the gym: one for women, other for men (because of size). Guess which one doesn't have pockets?

Once I learn sewing, I'll put pockets on everything.

Skirt? Skirt with pockets.

Trousers? Trouser with pockets.

Dress? Dress with pockets.

Wormhole to Cthulhu's lair? Wormhole to Cthulhu's lair with pockets.

November 5 (today):

Two days of gym and my arms and legs hurt so much.

Like screaming "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US?"

And me: "Dunno, let's rest for the weekend and hope for the best"

Every time I see Yamato from One Piece, I mentally yell "Yamato boyyy".

He's so cool. Anybody who denies his identity doesn't deserve to admire his glory.

#lgbt+#trans woman #trans #hrt journey #one piece #yamato

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whatspastisprologue-blr · 1 year

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Hellooooooo 😊. For the ruin album ask game, 12 and 15?

12 and 15, got it! Be warned, I wrote this on my phone at about 1:30 in the morning. My already tenuous control over my long-windedness is virtually gone. This isn't quite stream-of-consciousness but it's close.

12.

Which song do I always sing to? I mean, all of them? Lol! I really love the vibes for The Calling (gender, identity, past self versus who you're becoming now, "I really fucking tried" and "I watched that woman drown" and the whole chorus), The Old Witch Sleep and the Good Man Grace is one of those wild songs that makes you feel powerful while regretting your lack of an archenemy to have ~tension~ with, and Ruin itself is just... It's just a really good depiction of repairing a relationship.

The answer is certainly not Chords, but only because I can't get through it without crying. It's a beautiful song but it hits me in a really vulnerable place and I just can't go there often (like Marbles, actually, though Marbles is worse).

Blossoms hits home a lot ("as I make myself acquainted with the saint of never getting it right"), and as an introvert with social anxiety (well, anxiety in general, including social situations), I relate a lot to Drinking Song for the Socially Anxious. I also enjoy D&D and I might dress my cat up as Batman for Halloween.

But I think, ultimately, it might be down to Secret Worlds and Inkpot Gods.

I really love the excited energy of Secret Worlds, "come on!", this sense of wonder, "do I have to be who I am", "cause I will suffer silence for the strings you tune and I will stand what's written for the writer in you/write me well, my love, write me weird, write me willing, write me well". I get a laugh out of Joey's tone of voice at "well, we thought you were mental/you were talking to trees".

And, oh, Inkpot Gods. Just, Joey's whole verse, really, and Madeleines. Really gives me hope and comfort. These aren't tears, it's just your voice learning for once to stand up tall. Making a vow to the dark for someone's life. And then Madeleine shows up with, "what you hear is not silence, it's just the trees waiting to hear what makes you howl", which is such a raw and wild line followed by a moment of actual silence to emphasize the point. Picking up with "what you see is not the dark, it's just the gods upturning inkpots cause they know what you'll become". Just, unending the plans of the gods as they realize you've gone outside their plan, no big deal. And then she doesn't bother to make a vow to some other entity, no, she outright threatens the gods to keep this man safe or else she'll make them pay. I really resonate both with "I will be the man my father never was" and "Cause I'm more than what my mum taught me to be". And, of course, "If I don't make it back from where I've gone, just know I loved you all along."

So, all of that to say, it's probably Inkpot Gods. Especially since it's the last song on the album, it feels like TAD is assuring us as we go on our way that we'll be just fine.

15.

What song would I recommend? Well, I've recently told my mom about Chords, though I didn't technically recommend it because I knew she wouldn't like the swearing. I did tell her about the chorus and "they might laugh because you're leaving but know we'll sing your name when you come home".

The song I've recommended most, actually, is Drinking Song, because I love how it depicts that anxiety so well and how there's no shame or embarrassment over not being an extrovert. I enjoy the bonding moment when you realize someone else at this gathering is also a nerd and it's just such a relief because, whew, I'm not alone anymore. There's someone else standing awkwardly in a corner not knowing what to say to anyone, feeling like a total outsider, wondering when they can finally duck out and missing their cat/questioning why they thought going to hang out with humans was a good idea when they could've been relaxed at home with their cat this whole time. Finding someone you can be an introvert with, someone you can just exist alongside, both of you maybe doing separate things but in the same room and that honestly feels really nice, just existing quietly around someone else without necessarily interacting with them and having that be okay between you.

#tad ruin #joey batey #the amazing devil #ask game #madeleine hyland #ruin album #ruinanniversary2022 #secret worlds #chords #drinking song for the socially anxious #inkpot gods #blossoms #the calling #the old witch sleep and the good man grace #tad

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chimicalbomb · 2 years

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Hi, I need some emotional support from cute characters now, if you don't mind, please write these headcanons for Bell and Simpson 🙇🙇🙇

☾ - sleep headcanon

☆ - happy headcanon

∇ - old age/aging headcanon

Helllooo!!

I'm very sorry for the late reply!

(i love Bell and Simpson so so much my heart aches just thinking about them, glad i can do some happy headcanons of them today)

✬ i think they 'd sleep all snuggled up together. for some reason they never get too warm or too sweaty when they sleep like that,even in the most warm of nights. when they first got back home,they'd wake up during the night with chills,even though they had warm blankets over them. so in order to always sleep comfortably,they felt the need to be so close that their noses were stuck together. also i headcanon them having very funny pijamas,back then i believe there were some weird looking ones haha. Bell would probably kick sometimes during sleep,but Simpson sleeps like a log and doesn't even bat an eye.

✬ these two boys are quite pokerfaced most of the time,but i would like to think that Simpson would absolutely snort when laughing, and have dimples when he smiles. Bell would most likely have a clapping hands type of tic when laughing very hard. (I do that a lot actually). both of them have extremely peculiar tastes,in humor especially,(very dry or immature jokes sometimes).

i believe Bell gets really happy when it's very sunny outside and would totally be up for some beach time. Simpson on the other hand i believe he gets very happy when he's allowed to laze around,since i see him as a very serious worker.

✬ as they aged,they always stuck toghether. allthough once they surpassed their 30's,they felt obligated to move in separate quarters in order to not add suspicion to their relationship. allthough things like these happened all the time,mostly in sailor populated areas as liverpool,but either way,they didn't want too much attention. after their north pole exploration,simpson quit going on the sea,and actually got into fur coat making. his business not doing that bad actually! while Bell would continue 3 other new adventures on the sea,this time,only exports. after that he would work in the port,as a repairman,since he was already great with boats and wood.

as they got older,i feel like Bell would gain a bit more weight and Simpson would catch some love for drinking,happily...not that excessively.

They would eventually move back together in a bigger house and get two big dogs . The two dogs,they 'd be called North and South . I think walking these dogs would actually help them keep in shape and healthy.

they would help eachother get ready when going out and would absolutely love visiting Dr Clawbonny,him being much older than them,but just as lively as before.

As another....sadder headcanon.... i feel like if they'd die from old age,they would die very close in date,and wouldn't get enough time to miss eachother...

Thank you for the ask!!!

#jules verne #captain hatteras #bell #simpson #headcanon

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shadowpeachspost · 2 years

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SO FRIDAY EVENTS HAPPENED-

Ok so..I started school on Thursday and it was ok. LETS GO TO THE MAIN TOPIC!

So Friday, it had ups and downs and I shall go in order of how that whole day, changed my sophomore year..

Y'all ready?

Bet.

Early morning during 1st pd

All of my friends were either wearing camo or green. This is one of those days where we just show up in the same color/clothing. This is the 2nd time that happened [freshmen year we were all wearing black] and none of us planned it. So all you could see that morning was a table with camo, green, blue, white, and black clothing.

Skipping most of the day to 6th-9th pd

Earlier in the summer, after mcc 24, I heard a rumor saying "Dream won't be in the next MCC". And call me a dream stan all you want, I didn't believe it. In 6th pd Art class, my art teacher said, "Draw a happy event that happened this summer." I wanted to do a split of Dream reaching 30 million subscribers and him winning mcc 24. Obviously, I still have to finish it but it will be done.

7th pd Earth Science rolled around, and it was still related to summer. We had to make 2 memorable things on what happened. Me being an angsty kid, I made a grave and said, "I made a grave to be tributes to a youtuber and a flower shop :D".

Everyone was either weirded out or just confused on why I made those...

8th pd English class is where things started tumbling. Once I checked who was on this mcc teams, Dream was not in sight.. I felt my heart cracked, ready to break if something pushed me too hard again. [Explanation: Call me petty, dream stan, biased, whatever. I can't watch anyone besides Dream for mcc. It feels more comfortable knowing I still have a comfort streamer/youtuber around instead of another running their own kingdom above me. I don't have the same excitement while watching someone stream mcc unlike Dream and I really think it's kinda a problem for me. I'll try my best to stop this habit but it may take some time.]

9th pd Geometry class rolled around and I was almost in tears. After hearing Dream not participating in mcc, I was really not in the mood to do any math. What happened after was the teacher would switch our seats in alphabetical order [for attendance purposes] and keep it that way. So not only that I was in back of the class upset about an event coming up, but now I'm farther from my crushes(Daniel and Julyet who are both dating each other).

The water shield was ready to break from my eyes but I held it to the end of the day. Luckily, things started to get better. I was able to head to my cousin's house for the weekend [I'm back home now] and we had alot of fun.

The thing I wanted to talk about in this post [Still happened at my cousin's house]

Sooooooooo...

Around 9:43 pm, maybe later, Me and Daniel were just dming on insta. Then, he sent this:

Now at first I said, "YOU CAN'T JUST ASK THAT QUESTION RANDOMLY!!! AINT NO WAY YOU SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU'RE BORED! YOU PULLED THAT FROM YOUR ASS!!"

But then, I thought about it.. "Why would he ask me that? Does he like me too? But, he's in love with Julyet. There's no way. Did someone tell him I have a crush on him?? WHAT IF SOMEONE DID???"

I was having a whole panic attack. I didn't want to tell him. But, it felt like if I didn't, the empire state building weighting on my back wouldn't be placed. So, I made up a half lie:

The 'oh' he texted sent shivers down my spine.. Thoughts, voices, racing in my head. "Why does he sound disappointed? Does he actually like me?? Is he upset he took Julyet away from me? Why is he leaving? I think I upsetted him.. Now I fucked up."

I had to tell him..

He needed to know the truth...

I just need to:

Let.

It.

Out.

I gave him a distraction about a small, fast, blue and orange car. He was interested. I wanted to get it over with. And so:

At first, I thought he would say, "I'm sorry but.. I don't feel the same.." I was panicking, scared, upset, afraid, all the words to describe this situation..

The emoji popped up..

I didn't know how to feel.

Do I feel good?

Bad?

I was shocked but also numb.

I thought, "What if it's just for tease? He would never.. Maybe it was a mistake. It had to be!"

I don't have the screenshot but he did ask why I liked him besides everyone else. Long story short, this happened:

He's compliments made me feel like I just came back from the worst news in my life and he just..saved me.

I was confused if he liked me or not. So:

So basically you can say we're friends with benefits. Just not sexual kinds. And, I'm glad he had feelings towards me. Sure it's not fully but hey, at least it isn't a no.

And yea! That's my weekend for you all. Did I expect this to go down? No. Do I regret telling him? Also no. Do I plan on telling Julyet about my feelings for her? Probably but, thats another story to stay too.

Until then, I must go.

Ciao lovelies,

Ray~♡

#lmk lady bone demon #lmk mei #lmk pigsy #lmk spoilers #lmk tang #lmk macaque #lmk mk #lmk monkey king #lmk nezha #lmk wukong #love #boy crush #girl crush #polyamourous #bigender #bisexual #genderfluid #lgbtqiia+

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lifelesslino · 6 months

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That stupid little thing that makes me smile.

We've all got our guilty pleasures. That one, kinda cringey, kinda cheesy thing that is oddly comforting and something we treasure deeply in our hearts. Or perhaps it's fleeting, and it only lasts a few seconds in your ears before it disappears, escaping to your memories. I'm quite familiar with both of them—I'd be lying if I said otherwise.

So, what's the guilty pleasure in question today? Asmr's. Specifically, POV asmr's.

Hold on, I can tell you're already scrunching your face up in disgust and are a mere second from diverting your eyes, but keep them here for a second. I'm not talking about those overly dramatic asmr's with a macho bully that's pining over you. I'm not talking about those weirdly suggestive asmr's where 90% of the video is lip smacking and nonsensical whispering. And no, I'm not talking about those asmr's with strange plots involving fantastical creatures—you know, like a catgirl girlfriend who is obsessed with you wholeheartedly.

No, I'm talking about the quiet and peaceful asmr's. The ones where the only sounds you hear are breathing and a heartbeat. The ones where you can hear fire softly crackling in the back, but the sound of sketching dominates. The ones where you can hear the sound of an arm sliding over skin in a hug, and clacks of a computer can be heard playing in the back. Are these oddly specific? Yes, yes they are. Are these also actual videos that I'm describing and explaining? Yes, unsurprisingly—I've always sucked at being subtle anyway, so I didn't bother trying.

I've got two favourite asmr videos so far, so I thought to share them. They're sweet, overall quiet and relaxing, and something I treasure a tiny bit. I've more or less forgotten how to fall asleep anymore without something blasting in my ears and waiting to pass out, but these videos oddly help. The sweet nothings included in them, especially things like "jagiya" or "I got you" or just the faintest kisses are...heartwarming? I don't know how to explain it without sounding weird or a creep (putting the 'stalker' in stan aha), but hearing those words—regardless if it was another idol's name—really does help me relax and fall asleep without any tension holding me back.

So, without further ado, I present my two most favourite asmr's:

youtube

For the second one, I'd ignore the title if I were you—unless you'd rather choose to dive into your delulu fantasies, which, by all means, go ahead. Yes, I'm guilty. But hey, could you really blame me? I fell asleep for 30 minutes as I typed this out, and I had been listening to the second video. These videos, perhaps only subjective and exclusive to myself, are both comforting and healing.

So, there, I said it: listening to Stray Kids asmr is my guilty pleasure.

Since we're on the topic, this is my favourite channel so far:

I love all their videos, and the plots and themes are both awfully poetic but almost naturally comforting. I already feel a warmth blooming within me whenever I read the titles alone—okay, fine, so I've only listened to about 4 videos, and two of them were identical but a different idol. Still, I love them either way.

If you're still awake, or just about to head off to bed, sweet dreams. 🤍

#stray kids #skz asmr #quiet whispers and compliments >>>>#maybe I'm just being delulu #hestia's rants #Youtube

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casualbluebirdmentality · 1 year

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this post is literally just me ranting about my own gender experience/questioning as an afab person.

(despite all the cws and tws, it's really not that overwhelmingly negative-- moreso just yelling my confusion into the void lol. i'm just really paranoid abt accidentally ruining someone's day by not tagging smth, hence the literal max 30 tags.)

you can read it if you want but if not,, understandable lol. either way, enjoy this picture of a quokka that i got by googling "cute animal":

...ok.

figuring out ur gender as an afab person is so weird, cuz it's like:

am I uncomfortable w my tits (always have been) for Gender Reasons, or is it the societal conditioning that they're sex objects/will make ME be viewed as a sex object if they're "too noticeable"?

is the visceral discomfort that I've always had (literally since childhood) at even the THOUGHT of having a period a Gender Thing, or is it the societal taboo that makes it impossible to speak/think about it?

do I like the idea of being perceived as masc for Gender Reasons, or bc I know it will make people take me more seriously and make me less of a target for abuse/harassment?

do I feel like a boy in disguise/an imposter when surrounded by other women/in female spaces bc I actually am more masc in my actual gender, or because gender roles and their "boyish interests/presentation" and "girly interests/presentation" have been so ingrained in me that it feels like if I don't match up with That Exact Image of being a very femme woman, then clearly I'm just not a woman at all? (/s for that last phrase)

(A more specific/personalized addendum to that last one: I've got a sister and we both did a lot of performing arts stuff VERY frequently growing up, especially as a duo, and whenever the roles were a boy and girl (which wasn't most of the time but still happened fairly regularly), I'd always be the boy bc she was more femme than me & always wanted to be the girl, whereas i didn't really care-- so like, was that because I'm inherently more comfortable as a more masc person? Or did I just not care either way at the time cuz I was a damn kid just having fun playing a role, and now from years and years and YEARS of doing that I've just conditioned myself into thinking of myself as "the guy one" when paired with a woman/surrounded by women??????)

And THEN for me personally, you throw in the fact that both Nate/ND Stevenson (creator of the first show that ever made me feel Seen as a queer person, to the extent that it broke my brain a little) and Elliot Page (right after/while playing his Umbrella Academy character, who was the only "female" character I've EVER felt I could truly relate to in such a full, overwhelming extent for some reason I couldn't name, and whom my friends at the time literally said "had big [my name] energy," without having been told anything about my feelings at all) BOTH came out as transmasc. So it's like,, am i transmasc? All Signs Point To Yes, pretty much. And I distinctly prefer when my tits are squished firmly against my chest, which sounds a whole hell of a lot like chest dysphoria.

...Except that when I got a binder to try it out, threw a hoodie on over it, and looked in the mirror, it was just like,, weird. And a minute or so later when I caught my reflection in the mirror out the corner of my eye without thinking and my brain automatically perceived my chest as like, FLAT flat for the first time, it pretty much shouted "WRONG WRONG WRONG" and started clanging pots and pans until I took it off.

But, irl my nickname is a typically "male" short-hand (as in, someone reading it would assume it's a guy 99.9999% of the time) of my (feminine) name, and I much prefer it. So like I guess I'm just generically nonbinary... but I also really don't want to say that I'm not a woman? But that reluctance could just be reluctance at relinquishing what makes me "valuable" in society's eyes, or in accepting that I've "failed" to be what I was "supposed" to be. Or in losing my ability to "speak authentically" about things like sexism, even though I Know Full Well that that's not how that works, like, at all. So it's just... ????????????????????

The only thing I have been able to figure out is that I definitely want to be more buff and athletic, and definitely make my body at least a little more masc in that regard. So like, Buff Sword Lady definitely, at least. (I do quite enjoy swords. A lot.) So maybe I just want to be butch?

But I don't look like that yet, and it's so hard to figure this kind of thing out without actually being able to physically see yourself that way, without being able to actually feel it first-hand and compare. So I'm just, like, here, a fantasy writer doing muscle work-outs alone in my room every day, hoping that micro-dosing on jock culture will help me finally feel Right lmao.

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dzpenumbra · 1 year

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12/31/22

What a weird day. I got woken up really early, like 5 hours of sleep, by a super loud bang from the floor above me. I got up and Max was insisting on getting her food early, so I got her fed and went to refill my water bottle and it smelled like mildew. -_- I hate that, I guess I don't wash it often enough. It's a solid metal water bottle and my genius-ass decided my best course of action - because I couldn't really foresee getting a sponge in there - was to fill it halfway with boiling water. Got a nice burn on my hand from that.

I got a little nap after that, so it wasn't so bad. But I've just been spacey as fuck all day. I think the temp change might be part of it, it was like 50F today. It was 11 last week. Guess this is the "new normal" everyone's talkin about.

I played a bunch of Session today, which was fun. It's been a while, and I noticed I've gotten much better at it, especially compared to my clips from October that I edited earlier this week.

I cleaned up a piece of quartz that I found in a roadcut by my old house. It was one of the more impressive natural points that I've found in the wild. I ended up putting it in my display case coffee table thing I have. Welcome to my life, I have a glass-top coffee table with a sick mineral collection in it, but no seating, no TV, nothing but unpacked boxes on that side of the room. And I've been here for like... well over 2 weeks, I don't even know anymore, time is so fucked for me. Like a month now? I legit can't even estimate.

So, since I'm on that... the big thing from today - besides a bunch of scattered work on stone and jewelry pieces that may never actually be made... - the big thing was that I was super goddamn scattered today. Like... I was all over the place. Like... this is a snapshot of my day. When I got my cat dinner, I noticed that the compost was getting moldy and I really should bring it out. The compost bins are probably... 50 yards out the side door, the side door is like... 30 yards from my apartment. So it's a super quick run out behind the maintenance shed to get it done. And I go... "oh, I can do the trash too, and the cat litter, because that's overdue, it's on the way." And this is as I was making my cat dinner. It took me like... 3 hours to take that compost out. I legit do not have any aversion to the act of taking it out, I just kept getting distracted and sucked into things. "I need to figure out dinner for me", "oh, I need to figure out groceries", "I should work on this art project over here", "I need a shower", "I should probably shower first", "should I cook or get delivery for the 4th night in a row?", "should I order groceries to be delivered?", "I need to do the cat litter first". It was just absolute chaos, one thing after the other. And then I'd just find myself in my computer chair polishing a rock and go "nope, come on, how did you even get here?! You need to go take the compost out, it just takes a minute." And any time I'd go do an intermediate task like cleaning the litterbox, it would like... reset my attention or something. I don't know. It's just been really, really difficult all day.

So, I didn't eat dinner until like 9:30, I just said fuck it and made ramen, which was my backup to my backup for dinner. I originally settled for a quesadilla but my cheese was moldy, a bit more than I was comfortable with. And I tried to get a grocery order in, but like... that was fucking tough. I just can't think straight and I don't have anything planned out at all, my whole list is like a chain of impulse buys. I feel like no matter how hard I try to focus, I just draw a blank when it comes to "what do I want to eat, what do I want to cook, what meals do I want." I think I'm just overloaded, overwhelmed. Or exhausted. Or both. Probably both. It just hasn't been this bad in a long ass time. I shit you not, I was standing in the kitchen doing an Instacart grocery order on my phone with my cat talking to me for at least an hour. And then I got to erase things off my whiteboard list on the fridge, which is a cool feeling. Then I started doodling on the whiteboard for like 20 minutes with my phone in my left hand the whole time. And I was like "dude, okay, you were doing groceries, remember?"

And this is fucking every day. And on tough days like today, I can get so overwhelmed or just... mentally-blocked from everyday tasks that I end up barely even eating, or going a whole day without drinking water. I'll forget that I have to go to the bathroom for like 2 hours and be squirming in my seat without even noticing it. It's a problem. And, to be honest, it makes me feel like a shitty adult. I'm 36. And a lot of these problems feel like problems people have with children or something. I don't know, I'm stopping myself right now because this is not fair to me, I was just super judgmental of myself right there. I'm not doing this shit intentionally, I didn't make this shit this hard for myself. I'm not choosing this path, and the only one who suffers from it is me. So beating myself up over something that's happening to me is a dumb idea, just gonna be blunt on that.

I've been giving people on r/ptsd this advice, it's about time I give it to myself. "Try to be a bit more gentle with yourself."

I know it's the voices of other people in my past just echoing through my head. And I know their voice is probably just an echo of shitty people in their lives, too. It just sucks.

I'm just really hoping this apartment doesn't turn into my last house. Like... ultra-super messy. I haven't vacuumed yet. I put a Swiffer wetmop thing on my grocery order, so I'm setting the stage for it, but like... okay, here's the deal. My shit is still in boxes, man. I don't have furniture. So... I really just need to take a trip to Goodwill or a second-hand furniture store and get whatever I can fit in my rental car. A bookcase, a sturdy work table, a futon, a TV table... a TV... I have a big comfy beanbag chair coming in the mail and I'm insanely stoked about that. I just need to get my shit out of boxes, off the floor and into some form of home... then I can vacuum without running a goddamn obstacle course, and it will feel more natural.

And it would help a lot if I had some kind of perception of time, at least day of the week, so I can have some kind of rhythm around cleaning - rather than noticing shit on the carpet and going "oh fuck, this got bad." I just really need to find a system that works. Because my whole "schedule my day" app thing I was using, that disappeared real quick. And my yoga... that one makes me sad, I loved my yoga time at sunset. I haven't done yoga in like 3 days. All because my former "best friend" who is now a homeless fentanyl trafficker and mother of 5 decided to call me looking for a ride one night, when I thought she was in jail. Now my life is just... kinda starting to stabilize a bit? Little by little?

So yeah, I dunno, I just wanted to get that out of my system and kinda describe what my day-to-day is like, because I kept that shit secret out of shame and guilt for a long ass time. How flighty and messy and disorganized I am, how chaotic my life is. Seriously, it's just absolute chaos most of the time, just like cat food twice a day, caffeine in the morning, sleep ritual of some kind at night, the rest is just... like I'm a leaf riding down whitewater rapids of my thoughts and attention.

My right forearm is hurting, it's because I type wrong, and I type all this every night. It's taking its toll on my arm, especially when I use my mouse a lot during the day too, and/or when I sand stones. The combination is rough. Like the inside half of my pointer finger is numb. I need to do some typing exercises and re-learn how to type properly. But for right now, I'm gonna tap out and go take a bath or something, try to chill before bed.

Oh, the 30 day yoga thing I was gonna do starts on January 1st, so that's a thing. Maybe that will help me find structure. I'll pull that up and try to keep track of it. Glad I remembered that. On that note, happy New Year and all that, if you're celebrating please be safe and don't be stupid like a lot of people I've known throughout my life. I hope we all find a bit more peace, love and compassion this coming year, the world could always use more of that.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts #mental health

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yourtrustyvault13canteen · 1 year

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my tumblr year in review :)

I posted 563 times in 2022

That's 222 more posts than 2021!

30 posts created (5%)

533 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@bottlecapbillionaire

@milramemo

@nooka--cola

@star-spangled-bastard

@kapi-tanka

I tagged 562 of my posts in 2022

(WHICH ONE DIDN'T I TAG??????)

#fnv - 459 posts

#arcade - 153 posts

#boone - 125 posts

#courier - 119 posts

#hat - 77 posts

#fo4 - 70 posts

#scenery - 67 posts

#veronica - 62 posts

#:) - 43 posts

#vault 22 - 39 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#(i haven't played a low int courier yet but the version of this line for that is actually cute... arcade is nice really... okay no demotion)

(this won't be my only 140 character tag by any means!)

My Top Posts in 2022:

do ghouls snore?

i feel like raul would snore heavily. it just fits him. but is that normal for ghouls, a weird individual quirk, or what?

37 notes - Posted June 3, 2022

I wanted to know what the companions think about House, including if they believe in him! Here are my notes:

Arcade: knows a lot about him, believes? hates him!

The Followers in general seem to believe House is the centuries old Robert House, so Arcade probably does, too. It’s not clear if he has any more knowledge than them about his life-extending technology

to Emily Ortal, v. sarcastically because she didn’t:

Would I like to help infiltrate the Lucky 38{casino} ? I'm so glad you asked...

REPCONN stuff that he totally doesn’t know for Enclave reasons:

I've read about REPCONN. I think they did some work with the... {catching himself, was about to say "Enclave"} the government before the war. Rockets and some energy weapon prototypes, I think.

There was some corporate espionage going on between Poseidon Energy's Project SEMELE and whatever was going on here.

REPCONN went through some rough times. When their rocket business was shaky, Mr. House purchased the company. It didn't take long for him to repurpose their plasma technology for a government weapon contract.

Another one of Poseidon Energy's many secret weapons projects. Before the Great War. It didn't go anywhere. That's how REPCONN got their shot. So to speak.

actual House opinions:

So Mr. House doesn't care that one of Caesar's most notorious Legion spies is walking around on the Strip. Either that or his Securitrons' AI is too primitive to recognize the threat. Neither answer is particularly comforting.

That's funny. Mr. House doesn't want to keep New Vegas independent. He just wants to keep the NCR and Caesar's Legion from pushing him around.

He must be pretty convincing if he's roped you into helping him, but you can count me out.

I have to say I don't understand where you're going with Mr. House. The man's been manipulating the locals for as long as anyone can remember.

Ugh. I guess that means I have to go back to that creepy mausoleum Mr. House calls the Lucky 38. I've been around a few unsettling places in my life, but that place takes the cake. {sighing} Back to the tomb, I suppose.

Maybe if you're Mr. House you do [need more electric]. I bet the people in Freeside need it a lot more than he does.

Boone: unclear what he thinks outside NCR

Yeah. I don't know much. Just rumors. All I know is he's supposed to be in charge of the Strip. And he's been able to stop the NCR from taking it over. Wish he'd give it up, so the NCR could focus on securing the border.

A face-to-face meeting with House, huh? The NCR would kill to be in your shoes.

I have made Boone not really care that House is hundreds of years old. Like :/ tell me if I should shoot him…

Raul: knows lots but doesn’t fully believe it’s him, disapproves of ‘both’

Just how old do you think I am, boss? Because I can pretty much guarantee I'm older than that. Let me tell you a story from before the Great War: Everybody knew Robert House. He was a genius. A superstar. Founded RobCo at 22, dated Hollywood starlets, the works. They say he saved Las Vegas. I was in Mexico City when the bombs dropped. Even from there, we could see House's defensive rockets shooting down the incoming missiles. Everybody assumed he died in the War. Maybe he did. But his robots are still out there, roaming the Wastes. And now, a Mr. House rules New Vegas.

[vegas] It's big, it's bright, and it's one of the biggest cities still left from before the War. Well, mostly, anyway. Used to be just a curiosity. The buildings were pre-War, but it was just as full of raiders and barbarian tribes as anyplace else. Then Mr. House took over, got the power turned back on, and got the tribes reformed into something civilized. Now they run his casinos for him.

[You can't seriously think they're the same Mr. House.] Maybe not. Maybe the new guy is just a clever raider chief with a knowledge of history. {Slightly ominous} Maybe he just left instructions for his robots to carry out in his name. {growing more ominous} Or maybe Robert House uploaded his brain pattern into a computer and rules to this day, a godless, soulless machine-god! {Back to normal} Or maybe the whole thing's a crazy coincidence. Who knows?

[Maybe there's a connection. Can you remember anything else about Robert House?] I remember there were some weird stories about him, especially near the end. There was a tell-all in El Periodico de las Aburridas by a starlet House dated. She said they never, um... don't make me spell it out, boss. Anyway, she said all he wanted to do was scan her brain and make her dress up in different outfits. [sickening] It was quite the scandal, at least in the Latin-American tabloid journalism market.

Veronica: doesn’t believe, doesn’t like him

Wow, Mr. House is looking for you, huh? What do you think he wants? Bowling partner?

[Ever heard of Mr. House before?] Yeah. They say he built the Strip. Of course, they say a lot of things. No one's actually met him. Me? I think it's a hoax. Probably a group of people who want to avoid attention, or some made-up persona of a self-aware computer. Why else would he shut himself in like that?

[after meeting] What'd you think of Mr. House? I was surprised he only had the two robot sex slaves.

See the full post

45 notes - Posted May 9, 2022

✨🔮✨ 🤩 bald people 🤩 ✨🔮✨

48 notes - Posted April 11, 2022

How ‘good’ is Arcade, really?

I really like thinking about the companions’ desired endings. And how messed up they are (apart from Lily’s and Raul’s, which don’t really have the same moral implications anyway)

Cass wants to give into her bloodlust and doesn’t mind killing a lot of innocent people along with the actually guilty

Veronica hates everything the Brotherhood is going to do, but unless you prise her away from them with a crowbar, she will just grit her teeth and help them commit what she believes are atrocities

Boone wants you to side with NCR, though he has misgivings; and he doesn’t believe he’s capable of redemption. If you go along with his preferences, he’ll die in a murder-suicide. If you put more weight on his misgivings, he’ll become a heartless assassin!

But the worst is Arcade. We already know Cass has a temper, Veronica is a coward and Boone is violent - it’s more or less how we’re introduced to them. It makes sense that things end the way they do for these characters if we don’t set them on better paths. But Arcade? Everyone thinks he’s some kind of moral paragon, and I can see why, but it’s just not true!

Arcade’s preferred ending is to fight for an independent Vegas. There’s nothing wrong with this on paper, but the way he actually does it?

He really wants you to believe, and possibly really believes himself, that he hates the NCR for good Followers reasons, and not the way Orion Moreno hates the people who defeated the Enclave. If this were true, he would probably have a more Followers-looking solution for Freeside than stomping around in his daddy’s fascist boots, very literally.

His ending slide in this case says “Arcade used his Enclave knowledge and technology to keep order wherever he could”. If you know anything about the Enclave - and it’s quite possible your Courier doesn’t at this point, because everyone including Arcade is very cagey about what exactly the Enclave used to get up to (even Johnson, the one with the most conscience amongst them, makes it sound no worse than the NCR!) - you know this is very very bad.

But how does this even happen? The ending where Arcade fights on behalf of the NCR says that it’s not just that NCR will arrest him in their territory but that he’ll be “pursued by bounty hunters, NCR rangers, and the Brotherhood of Steel”. These people could easily hunt Arcade down if he remained in Freeside, so why don’t they? We also know the NCR can easily wipe out the Kings if they want (I mean, the Van Graffs got halfway there with only a handful of men), and they don’t have to be worried about diplomatic problems with Mojave locals any more in this ending.

It also says Arcade is forced out of the Followers, which may simply be because they don’t want to be seen as harbouring him, but it may be because they themselves won’t tolerate him (for a variety of reasons which I’m sure includes the parallels between Arcade & the Courier and Edward Sallow & Joshua Graham). All of which makes this ending even more baffling! It could be that the people in Freeside are hiding him to some extent, but whether this is due to fear or adoration (or both) is hard to guess.

What is his new position in an independent Freeside, if it’s not just ‘big bloke with a big gun’? If you go for an independent Vegas but convince him not to fight - meaning you have his power armour - instead of the spooky obviously Enclave stuff, you’re told “Arcade did his best to help the locals govern themselves”. This is the man who tells you straight up he’s not a people-person, so are we really supposed to believe he’s talking to people? And like, what is there to help with? The Kings already have it in hand, don’t they? This is Arcade’s own stated beliefs about independence - he’s no Benny. He never breathes a word about wanting to have a hand in running things himself. If things are worse in the direct aftermath of the fighting, is it not more Arcade’s job to be patching people up? If we’re to believe that his adventures with the Courier have helped him get over the personal issues that made him complain about being a bad doctor (and I do), then why doesn’t he use this personal growth for that, and not for whatever the hell he’s started playing at?

Because he can! And he still wants to! And he wants similar things, too. The only ending in which Arcade not only remains with the Followers, but remains recognisably a Follower, is an NCR victory, in which he gives up on Freeside and goes home to the Boneyard to be a teacher. As if the people in Freeside don’t still need his help, probably now more than ever? And these people literally know him and love him and greet him on the street (which is despite his efforts to be inconspicuous, despite his efforts to avoid people, and despite him working as a researcher - if it’s not that he’s often treating people either because he’s a skilled surgeon or because the Followers are understaffed, and I think it’s both, then it’s only because he’s so kind to people and so charming! But claiming to be bad with people).

But his membership in the Followers was never really about helping people - probably more about the access to education and technology he could get with them. (And maybe some kind of teenage rebellion - the Followers are about as opposite to the Enclave as you can get.) I know, this sounds so harsh, but it’s true! In his other endings, if Arcade is neither dead, nor on the run, nor a slave, he gives up on the Followers entirely and goes into private medicine. Does he really seem like he’s devoted to their mission?

Obviously there is nothing wrong with being a doctor, and I think his attraction to medicine really does stem from wanting to help people, as he claims. But his story is about more than a man with no bedside manner who wants to be a doctor. This is a man whose morals take him so far as realising that he shouldn’t want to be his dad - but he still does. So he wants to be a new version. An Enclave officer who defends helpless wastelanders and fights evil!!! It’s a child’s idea and when it meets the real world, he either gives up on it or he gives in to it.

Arcade may have never been truly Enclave himself, but he’s never been close to anyone outside the Enclave, either. He tells you he’s never had a lover he felt he could confide in; he’s never had a close female friend; and though it’s kind of a joke, it seems like he’s used to being blanked by other Followers. Even then, it seems like after his mother’s death he’s only close to Daisy and to a lesser extent Judah - Arcade kind of implies Daisy is a substitute mother to him, though he doesn’t go into it, and Judah recognises him and knows that the Courier is a new friend, implying he’s visited recently (potentially only when he was in Westside with Tom Anderson - it also implies that Judah knows Arcade doesn’t have any friends!!). The other remnants don’t really care, apart from Johnson - but he doesn’t immediately recognise Arcade’s adult appearance, so this is clearly a reunion for them more than a catchup.

It’s obvious when you meet Cass and Boone that they don’t have anyone (though in Boone’s case this is more self-inflicted, and no, I’m not just being mean about Carla lmao) and it quickly becomes obvious that Veronica is more or less in thrall to the Brotherhood. It’s not so obvious that Arcade has all of these problems and more. It seems like he’s more together than the other three. He doesn’t need help with any kind of personal problems, and he can not only give you his personal opinions about the political situation but what seems like good advice, from someone who admits to reading political textbooks for fun.

And all of this disguises that he’s the most messed up of the lot, and that he not only has the greatest capacity for evil (I never get over the Caesar comparisons. He can also be the Joshua Graham to your Courier’s Caesar, of course!) but has the greatest desire for it. And this is actually strengthened by both his desire to do good and his fear of doing harm (the position he’s put himself in, with doing whatever Julie tells him to - which ought to involve human experimentation, but apparently doesn’t - is fascinating). Obviously evil people are obviously scary, but it’s a one-dimensional fear. The only thing scarier than someone like Boone or Johnson who will carry out awful orders and then cry about it is the one who’ll give those orders and then cry about it. And that’s Arcade - or what he’s trying not to be, or trying to be, or both. And that’s why he’s my favourite character!

107 notes - Posted June 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

hottest fnv characters

bald traumatised snipers:

boone

christine

betsy

sunburns easily:

arcade

ghost

107 notes - Posted June 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#year in review #misc #it's long: it has my long arcade post and also one of my fic notes things

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boldlyvoid · 3 years

Text

Million Dollar Man | Chapter Four

18+

summary: Spencer's therapist recommended he branch out and meet new people who don't want to talk about his work... she didn't expect him to sign up for a Sugar Daddy website.

Content warnings: sugar daddy!spencer, age gaps (14 years), daddy kink, blow jobs, kissing, discussion of previous sexual relationships with older men (big age gaps), kink talks, cum play, praise, oral (female receiving), fingering, 69ing... its really dirty i hope i got it all

word count: 3.8k

a/n: updates on Wednesdays and Saturdays

Chapter Four | Masterlist

Waking up beside Spencer is an absolute blessing, he is the most tender and loving man in the whole world and she’s never going to get enough of him. He snuggles so tight, he holds her just right and he’s just big enough that she fits against him like she’s always supposed to have been there.

Her alarm goes off at 10:30 and he doesn’t even budge, she struggles to get out of his grasp to turn it off before he just pulls her right back in.

“I could get used to this,” she coo’s as she relaxes back into his embrace.

He kisses the back of her neck and one of his hands cups her breast. He runs his nose along her skin as he takes it all in, “I can come back every night.”

“Okay,” she smiles at the thought. “Are you coming with me to Brookfield today?”

He hums, “I have something to pick up first but I’ll be back to pick you up.”

“Do you want to meet Craig?” She asks nervously, knowing he knows.

“I’m not sure,” he’s honest. “It’s weird thinking he’s slept with you and he has a thing for my mother.”

“As weird as it was, I don’t regret it, he was really lonely after Patsy died and hadn’t slept with anyone in years,” she explains it again to him, it’s easier than the first time.

“I’m not judging you,” he whispers before kissing her again.

“I know,” she rolls over while still in his grip, pressing her chest against his and kissing him quickly before remembering her own rule, “pretend it’s still dark out.”

He laughs, “was he at least good to you?”

“Are you really asking me if the old man I fucked was good in bed?” She rolls her eyes with a laugh, “it was fine, I was used to just laying there and taking it back then.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes for her past experiences knowing he can change them and that she's content with them, “can I make it up to you?”

“It's not my birthday,” she teases him once more.

“Then why are you in your birthday suit?” He kisses her neck as her back arches, giving him the access to do whatever he pleased.

This was her favourite part of sleeping with him, he was handsy and he kissed everywhere. He was so tentative, he was gentile and sensual and she loved him. The way he kissed her body, his hands on her back as she arched, grinding against him as his leg slipped between hers.

“Daddy?” She’s already breathless as she anticipates whatever he’s going to do to her.

He hums, “what baby?”

“Can we try something?” She looks at him with puppy dog eyes, wanting more of him and knowing exactly how to get it.

“What?” He looks from her eyes to her lips and back.

She smirks, “lay back?”

He does as she asks and she makes a quick move to straddle him, reverse cowgirl, and it makes him gasp. He hooks his arms under her legs and pulls her hips towards his face as she grips his cock at the base.

She’s never done this before, excited to finally experience her two favourite things at once, with her favourite person. Taking him in one go down her throat as far as she can, he moans against her thigh as he works his way towards her dripping core.

He pulls her in closer, burying his tongue inside of her as she swirls her tongue around the head of his cock, stroking what doesn’t fit in her mouth. She moans around him as he sucks her clit into his mouth. When he slides a finger into her, she gasps as she runs her tongue along the shaft, “more please, daddy?”

He adds a second finger and curls it with each thrust, she strokes him in time with his fingers rubbing her tongue on the slit, pushing him closer and closer and closer until he’s moaning into her cunt as he finger fucks her relentlessly.

She cums on his face with a quake, her whole body shaking as she sucks one of his balls into her mouth and keeps jerking him. He cums over her hand then, finally releasing her clit from his mouth, they both sigh as they come down from their highs.

She rolls off him, feet on her pillow and hand cupping her own breast as she tries to catch her breath, “yeah, I can get used to waking up next to you.”

—

“Bullshit!”

Y/N reaches for the apparent 3 4’s that Craig dropped in the pile, filling them to see he was indeed truthful and handing them to Diana. “You’re slacking today.”

“I do so much better when I don’t know who he is,” Diana smirks as she takes the cards.

“Speaking of,” she smiles to herself as she looks through her own cards, “your son, Spencer, is coming to see you today.”

“How do you know that?”

“I might be dating Spencer,” she scrunches her face in anticipation of her reaction.

“Really?”

She nods, a smile building on her face as she starts to feel a bit flustered, “yeah, I met him last year and we’ve been friends for a while but it’s getting serious, so I thought I’d tell you.”

She’s quiet as she thinks about it and Y/N’s anxiety goes to full blast, “I’m so sorry.”

“Why?” Diana asks.

“For not telling you and pretending I don’t know him,” she's quick with her response. “He knows we know each other from your notes but we didn’t talk about it until last night, I feel so bad keeping that from you but I've known him the whole time.”

“I was going to introduce you to each other in the hopes you would take care of him, you’re wonderful and he needs someone who he doesn’t have to look after. I’ve thought you would be good for him for quite a while actually,” Diana compliments her with a smile. “Try calling bullshit on that.”

It makes her laugh, leaning over into Diana’s space as she wrapped her arms around Y/N, “well as good as I am to him, he’s even better to me.”

Holding Diana was nice, she missed her moms so much that it was a good substitute until she saw her own again.

“How did you meet?”

Y/N pulls back with a stutter, “uh, well we met online actually and he took me to dinner and we got to talking and we’ve been really good friends for a while, he uh, he’s the reason I’m getting my book published.”

“Really?” She blinks a few times the way Spencer does when he tries to absorb information.

She wasn’t dumb, she knew her son had money and he was a lot older than her and that meeting on the internet isn’t as innocent as it sounds.

“He’s my best friend.”

She smiles again, “that’s the key to a successful relationship.”

Craig was quiet the whole time, staring at his cards and drinking his water while they talked. “For what it’s worth,” he adds, “I think he’s lucky to have you, you’re a good woman.”

Y/N’s so busy looking at Craig with a smile that she doesn’t notice Spencer walk-in or the way Diana gleams at him. He walks up behind her and rests his chin on her shoulder, “Hey, pretty woman.”

She jumps slightly before laughing, he wraps his arms around her and kisses her cheek quickly, “hey mom,” he makes his way from Y/N to Diana.

Hugging her quickly before coming to sit beside Y/N again, he notices Craig too and waves, “nice to meet you as well, sir.”

She analyzes his face as he looks at Craig, worried that he’s going to go full alpha male and start a fight or something crazy like her old boyfriends would. But he smiles and he’s calm, he holds her hand and they play another few rounds of cards and it's like they’ve all been friends for years.

Visiting hours are about to come to an end when Spencer finally brings it up, “how would you feel if I moved to LA for a little while?”

She’s really confused, “are you getting a transfer at work?”

“No, Y/N has a job offer and I’d like to go with her,” he’s honest with his mom, it’s easier than with anyone else. “I’ll travel here whenever you need me, and once a week just to say hello.”

“Or I can finally go back to Vegas,” she says it like she’s been thinking about it for a while. “I miss my friends and my sister, Spencer.”

“And I’m thinking about moving there as well so my pneumonia isn’t as bad this winter,” Craig adds, sitting closer to Diana than before and taking her hand.

Spencer looks very uncomfortable and Y/N can feel it radiating off him, “my moms are also in Vegas, it would be nice for all of you to be close.”

“I think that would be nice,” Spencer agrees, “and then we can just take a short trip to Vegas once a week to visit with you.”

“That would be lovely,” Diana smiles, “even on my bad days I don’t forget who Craig is to me, I know he’s my best friend in here and I’m really glad you’re comfortable with this.”

Spencer smiles, it’s awkward for him to know everything that he knows, and by the way Craig looks at him, he knows Spencer knows.

“Please, just take care of her,” is all Spencer has to say to him. “I’ve already been to prison once.”

“Spencer,” Diana scolds him while trying not to laugh at the absurdity.

“I’m kidding,” he smiles, “I’m happy that you’re happy.”

“It’s only taken us 30 years,” she reaches out a hand for Spencers, “but we did it.”

It’s a beautiful moment that Y/N gets to witness, she holds a hand to her heart as Spencer wraps his arms around his mom. She was doing amazing, she was happy and even happier that Spencer was happy.

“We did it,” Spencer agrees, holding her close, always a mama’s boy at heart.

—

They stop at his apartment on the way home, he needed some things for the next 2 days and his suitcase for this weekend. His apartment was always so dark and cold, the green was beautiful but it was far too sad. It didn’t feel like Spencer, it didn’t have his energy or personality, it was just a few walls and a bunch of books.

She sits on his couch and touches her necklace, remembering when he gave it to her and how she thanked him. He was rummaging around in his room without her, leaving her with time to just think about sucking him off on this couch, being between his legs, the feeling of him in her mouth, knowing she already had him this morning but she still wants him again.

She gets up from her seat and walks into his bedroom, pushing him up against the wall, he’s a little startled but he smirks, “what?”

“Is there a word for ravenous for dick?” She teases.

“Horny,” he responds with a giggle, “ovulating? Frustrated, deprived, desperate... slut.”

“I like the last 2 together.”

“What else do you like?” He whispers as she leans in to brush their noses together, “we’ve never discussed your needs, you’ve always just asked about mine, but this isn’t all about me.”

“It was when you were paying me,” she rationalizes, “I’m pretty basic, I’ll try anything once.”

“But what do you like the most?”

“You,” she’s honest. “How big you are for one, the fact you can just throw me around like a rag doll if you wanted… I like your hands, and your mouth and I like how you talk, I like how sweet you are, I like how we could do the dirtiest fucking things in the whole world with each other. I like that we could do the roughest, kinkiest and most intense scenes and yet I’m completely safe with you.”

He swallows and his Adam's apple bobs right in her view, she can’t help herself from kissing his neck, licking along the pulse point before sucking a deep purple mark into his skin, “what do you like besides me?”

“Praise,” she whispers.

“Good girl.”

“Mild degradation,” she kisses his neck again and starts to unbutton his shirt. “Spanking, raw missionary and messy kisses,” every new thing comes with a kiss as her hands reach down to palm him through his slacks, “pleasing my partner, knowing you get off to me, watching, being watched, belonging to you.”

He takes her chin in his hands and makes her look up at him, “in what sense?”

“Mark me, claim me, breed me,” she whispers and his eyes darken, she swears there is a growl that leaves his throat.

“I want everyone to know I’m yours, show everyone who I belong to, let everyone know only you can please me and show them that no one is better for me than my daddy.”

“You’re evil saying all this knowing I'm not going to fuck you yet,” his voice has never been this low, his eyes are black and the grip he has on her is so tight it makes her gasp.

“You asked,” she smirks, “and if you expect me to be an obedient little submissive, you’re very wrong. "

He gulps and the mood changes very quickly.

"I’m a brat and I’m a switch, and I have more control here than you do.” She tightens her grip around his cock and he whimpers, “that’s what I thought.”

She undoes his button and takes him out, licking her palm while making eye contact with him, she then wraps her hand around him and pumps up and down his shaft. Gathering his precum that’s collected from simply listening to her, his hand on her chin had made its way into her hair and his other grips her hip tighter than ever before.

“I want to fuck all day long,” she whispers, leaning in more and brushing her bottom lip against his, “I want you to come and find me when you’re bored and just bend me over and take me, I want to just sit on your lap while to read and ride you, I want to fall asleep with you deep inside me and wake up full of your cum.”

He tosses his head back against the wall, groaning as she slows her movements. She drags her hand up, squeezing at the head as he thrusts back into her hand, all she can think about is how good it’s going to be when he’s pushing inside of her, not just in her fist.

“Does it feel good, daddy?” She teases him again, “are you thinking about my tight little pussy? Hmm?”

“Gonna cum,” he whispers.

“I don’t think that's how you ask.”

His hips sputter as he fucks her hand, “please, mommy?”

It’s so unexpectedly hot she clenches around nothing, aching for him with how horny she is, she drops to the floor, wrapping her mouth around the head, he cums within seconds. She pumps every last drop onto her tongue before standing and connecting their mouths once more, swapping his cum back into his own mouth, but he doesn’t swallow.

He simply picks her up and tosses her onto the bed, pulling her jeans and panties down and off one leg to expose her dripping pussy. He lifts her hips and spreads her open, running a finger over her clit before spitting his own cum into her.

It’s such a sight, she gasps at the feeling. It’s so hot and wet and then he’s pushing it in with two fingers and fucking them into her. Rubbing her clit at the same time, she cums by surprise, it’s so intense all she can do is grip her breasts and wrap her legs around him for support. She trembles, moaning and whining as he keeps going, curling his fingers just right to rub her g-spot and keep the sensation roaring as long as she lets him.

She lives in the feeling as long as possible before it starts to get to be too much, “okay,” she’s breathless and exhausted, lying there with her eyes closed when he pulls his fingers out of her, falling asleep from how relaxed her whole body is.

—

Spencer was in her bathroom brushing his teeth for the night while she slipped into her PJs.

She felt giddy, like a kid on Christmas Eve, thinking about how exciting tomorrow would be that the prospect of sleeping seemed almost impossible. She couldn’t wait to hold him and snuggle him and feel the way he kisses her shoulder when he rolls over. She loves him so much that sleeping beside him is almost more important to her than anything else they do together.

Because when he sleeps, his guard is down. When he sleeps beside someone, it’s because he’s truly and fully safe with them. He’s told her about all the people he’s slept with, how many of them didn’t stay the night and how many he’s walked out on. She knows he’s not a fan of sleepovers from his childhood and he’s never been in a long-term relationship to even consider sharing a bed with someone before her.

In the beginning, he didn’t want to sleep beside her because he knew he’d catch feelings, she understood and so they bought a pull-out couch for her apartment. He would sleep in her living room and she would lay awake in her bed thinking about how much better it would be if she could cuddle with him until she drifted off to sleep.

She crawls into her bed and watches the bathroom door as she rubs hand lotion into her skin, hoping he actually comes back to her like he promised and doesn’t retreat to the living room. She smiles at him when the door opens and his sight goes right to her wrists as she smoothes the lotion over her skin.

“I forgot to give you your present today,” he gasps and rushes to his suit jacket in the closet.

He comes back to bed with another box, “how much jewellery are you going to buy me?”

“Two more of the gifts are jewellery,” he smiles as he opens the box for her.

It’s a silver bracelet with diamonds and Rubys in a heart shape, like the necklace in pretty woman turned into a bracelet. It’s so pretty she doesn’t know how to react, “you’re crazy, you know that?”

He nods with a smile, “crazy for you.”

“Don’t,” she raises her brows with her pointer finger raised, shushing him. “You know what being all lovey-dovey does to me, and I'm tired.”

It makes him laugh, “I’m just going to leave this on the dresser.”

She takes it from him and stops him from getting up, “no, I’ll just leave it on here, just get into bed, please?” She moves it to her night table and pulls the sheets back so he can get into bed with her. She turns off the lamp on her night table and watches him lay back on his side of the bed.

She snuggles into his chest and places her face in the crook of his neck. Holding him as close as humanly possible, he smells like home and safety.

“I love you so much, Spencer,” she whispers it, feeling very needy and emotional and she has no idea why.

He simply kisses the top of her head while soothing his hand over her back, “I love you just as much, Y/N.”

It was rare for them to use each other's real names, so much of their time together was spent in silence but when it wasn’t, they referred to each other with a long list of different pet names. It made it less personal, it kept their real lives separate and created a world where they just existed with each other.

A world where he wasn’t Spencer Reid with 3 PH.D.s, a drug problem and a sick mother. When he was with her he was just a guy who liked to explore. He was her buddy who took her to museums and concerts, he was her daddy who held her hand when they walked to the park together to play chess, he was her sweetheart on nights when he cried and needed some love.

Tonight he’s just Spencer.

He’s everything he’s been before and nothing like his old self all at the same time. He’s constantly having a breakthrough, he’s broken through ceilings of grief and trauma, grown past the names he’s been called and adjusted to the fact this is how his life is and he's not as evil as he thinks he is.

He’s happy and content. He’s so much different now than how he was when she met him and while he likes to thank her for that, he always had the power to get here. It was a long road to recovery, he just happened upon her on the path and brought her along for the journey and now she’s never going to leave him.

“Are you crying?” He asks, bringing her back to reality to notice that yes, she is indeed crying.

She nods and sniffles, wiping her tears with his t-shirt. “I’m sorry, I’m just tired.”

“Hey,” he pets her hair and waits for her to look up at him. “What do you say when I apologize for crying?”

“Don’t apologize, your feelings are important to feel so you can move past them,” she whispers the mantra her parents raised her on, something that really helped him.

“I'm not crying because I’m hurting,” she whispers. “I’m crying because you’re not anymore.”

“What?”

She realizes it comes out weird, “I’m proud of you, and I’m happy that I get to love you now.”

“How long have you loved me?” There’s a small sadness in his voice like he wishes he could have moved faster for her.

“Since you told me you’d help me get my book published just for going to museums with you,” she whispers, “because you saw me as talented and worthy of greatness and you wanted to help me succeed instead of wanting to pay me to suck your dick in a more legal way.”

“I was in it for a friend,” he’s said it before, “it was easier to pay someone to hang out with me than stumble across someone who would understand me this well.”

“I can’t imagine you just going to a park and striking up conversations with someone,” she laughs, “I think it was just meant to happen like this.”

He sighs, “I’d do it again.”

“What?” She’s too tired and sad to follow his train of thought.

“I’d go through all the pain and trauma again, exactly the same way if it brings me right back here. Right to you.”

She pulls back from his neck and connects her lips to his faster than ever before, kissing him deeply as she cries again.

“I love you,” she whispers against his lips between kisses, he whispers it right back.

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Sugar daddy fic

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@ne--yo-pets @valerieweasley @coldlilheart @andiebeaword @bingereid

some just wont tag no matter what I do, idk why tho

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid self insert #spencer reid request #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine #mdm #sugar daddy spencer

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jiminzfilter · 3 years

Text

slow dancing in the night

→ Pairing. Taehyung x reader

→ Genre. established relationship, fluff, slice of life, model!taehyung, model!reader, taehyung missed you a lot, he is starving (his words not mine), gets a bit hot by the last 40 lines, mentions of oral (f) so I guess this counts as mature content, implied smut, making out (kinda), there is a bit of swearing

→ Summary. what could possibly be better than coming home after a long day of work to someone you love and missed a lot ?

→ Word count. 3.2k (!!!)

→ because I wrote this over a year ago when I still didn't know what I was doing with my writing, I had to go through a deep process of editing and re-writing before posting it. This might not be my best work but it's still a fic that I really really like :,)

→ song rec. slow dancing in the dark, Joji// still with you, Jungkook

Fridays have always been exhausting days for both you and your boyfriend, especially on runways weeks. As models, you were put under a lot of pressure.

Pressure to be perfect, to smile but never smile too much, to look good, to not fall on stage.

Falling has to be the most tragic thing that can happen to your carreer as a model, the hungry stares of thousands of photographers and reporters ready to share the latest news to the press.

Yeah, it was exhausting.

This week was no exception... or maybe it was since, this time, you were the only one working until late.

It’s four in the morning and you’re already on your way out - kind of running late, oBviOusLy - quietly wishing your boyfriend a good day.

He is not working today.

That lucky bastard.

He gets to enjoy his free day in bed, lazing around, while you work your ass off all day. He mumbles something that you assume is a sort of goodbye. He is still asleep.

You look at him one last time before leaving the room and smile. He looks so peaceful.

You still remember the day you met, by pure luck even though you both call that fate. That was 5 years ago, when you just debuted your career as a model and were not that comfortable around high heels.

Okay no. Let’s be real.

You hated wearing them because you couldn’t walk in heels higher than 5 cm.

It’s still a wonder how you managed to make it in the first place.

Were you wearing flat shoes for the audition ? Damn you really must’ve done an impression on the judges if they made you pass without the heels try-on.

Your first day at the agency was chaotic to say the least. Your manager made you walk around the building, to visit she said. She made you wear heels. HEELS. That devilish person.

But, thank to that, you got to meet Taehyung. Your eyes landed on him as you were visiting the lounge and couldn’t tear them away from his figure. The poor man had to witness you fall down because you weren’t watching your steps anymore.

I mean.

Who could blame you ??

That was Kim frEaking Taehyung

!!!

He even came to help you get back on your feet and asked if you were alright, kind of amused.

It’s not everyday you see someone falling down in here, let alone a newbie

Let’s be honest, you were so embarrassed.

First day of work and you’re already failing falling.

That night when you came home, you spent the night wearing heels and prayed really hard you’d never have to face him again. After all, the building was big enough and there were enough workers that you could avoid Taehyung easily

If only

The NeXt day, you were told that you had a couple shooting, with none other that Kim Taehyung.

GreaT

He would occasionally tease you about your fall and check on you to see if everything was alright. He watched you carefully as you were walking around with heels.

From up close he looked even more handsome.... :)

After this day, you started talking with Taehyung more and more. He introduced you to everyone around the agency. You met outside of work, got to know each other. You both became regally good friends but there was something lingering in the air, in the way you’d look at each other or stood so close to him after a couple glasses of wine that you could breathe his air.

So what was bound to happen happened and you went from friends a to lovers without really noticing it.

He was still your best friend...somehow

Eventually, you took things to the next level and moved in together... maybe a half and a year ago or so ? You’ve never been happier in your life

And, well, you’d actually be happier if you could spend the day with boyfriend instead of running around trying to find god knows which accessories you need for the rehearsal.

8 in the morning is noT a time to be doing cardio.

Especially while wearing heels

Become a model they said, it’ll be fun they said

“Y/n! Come here please I need you to try on this dress before you go!” Your personal stylist calls “I made sure to fix it yesterday so it’d be a perfect fit for the show”

You stop your tracks and go to her “make this quick i have to go get changed before 9 otherwise I’m screwed. Why did they even decide to do the rehearsals so early today ?” You sigh, frustrated, and put on the dress she’s handing you “thank you”

“Okayyy...it looks great. Gold looks amazing on you.” She smoothes the dress and gives an approving nod, visibly satisfied ; “You’ll look perfect for the Grand Finale. Oh god it’s already 8:30 you better go before Mr.Kim throws a fit because you’re late”

You both giggle ; “thank you for fixing the dress Naeun, see you later today. Well, probably tonight. Byeeee”

The rehearsal seems to never end. You’re squeezed in dozens of different outfits, gorgeous for sure but sO tight. Mr. Kim, the one who organised the runway, is such a perfectionist that you have to re-do some things multiple times before he’s satisfied. One time the lighting isn’t right, the other the models are walking too fast, not on beat and so on.

Everyone hates him for that but he always makes the best shows so you just follow.

After multiple tries, the rehearsal finally comes to an end. It’s already 4PM. You barely get time to breathe and go pee before you’re back into the ‘running-around-to-find-my-dress-and-fix-my-makeup-oh-god-i-gotta-be-on-stage’ crazy mess.

Walking on the runway feels amazing, running backstage is terrible.

It’s so hot and small back there you can hardly move around well.

It takes 2 hours for the whole fashion show to be over, one more for pictures outside the catwalk and chat with reporters. Since you’re kind of a famous model now, you get invited to the afterparty and spend few extra hours interacting with some celebrities that attended the show. Other models were invited and you’re happy to see familiar faces amongst them. Jimin, an old colleague and friend of yours, comes your way and compliments you. You chat with him for a while before deciding you’ve had enough for the day and leave the party. A few more people greet you on your way out.

A taxi takes you back to you company, where you left your stuff in the morning. You spend an extra thirty minutes getting rid of your heavy makeup and striping off that gorgeous but awfully tight golden dress you’ve been wearing ever since the end of the runway.

Now, you can FinaLLy go home. yassssss

It’s almost 12am when you leave the agency and climb into yet another taxi. The ride is quiet, background music playing over the car’s radio, and you take some time to look at what you were gifted for your performance : fancy makeup products, accessories, pieces of clothing-but not those from the runway, you sadly never get to keep those. Being kinda famous has its perks :,)

You then decide it’s time to warn Taehyung you’ll arrive soon and send him a few texts. As if he was waiting for them, he instantly replies saying he’ll be waiting for you and proceeds to spam you with heart emojis. Sometimes, it looks like this man just discovered what emojis were and is trying to use them as much as possible. What a child…

It’s way past midnight when you finally step into your duplex and the first thing you notice is that the place is way too quiet.

Maybe Tae went back to sleep, who knows, it’s super late after all…

You remove shoes and jacket and drop your bags in the entrance before going further and you call out quietly “anyone here? Tae, you sleeping?”

There is a faint glow from the tv on your right but the sound has been muted.

Weird…

“Taehyung ?" You call one last time

Suddenly, two strong arms wrap themselves around your waist and you’re pulled into someone’s chest. You gasp, almost scream, but soften up when you feel the warmth on your back

“Hi baby” a deep voice says in your ear, sending chills down your spine “I missed you”

You turn around and are very pleased to see a handsome face and a warm exposed chest your boyfriend smiling at you.

“Mhm, missed you too” You wrap your arms around him and rest your head against his chest, happy to hear his heartbeat. Taehyung places his head atop of yours and gently strokes your hair. You tighten your grasp around him and hum.

Few seconds later, he lifts your chin up and gently lays a kiss on your lips.

“How are you doing?” He asks, his right hand cupping your cheek. The warmth of it is comforting.

“Exhausted, but you know how it goes” You shrug and he smiles

“Not too tired for dinner ? I could cook something if you want”

“Mhm... let me just go shower and put something else on” You sadly let go of him

“Sure, go ahead” he whispers and you give him a kiss before regretfully tearing yourself away from him.

You walk up the stairs to your bedroom, where you find the bed undone. You smile, Taehyung never really liked making the bed and, very honestly, neither did you. You slump onto the mattress and bury your face into the pillows, inhaling his scent. Lavender. Relaxing. Just like he is.

After a warm shower, you find a t-shirt Taehyung left on a chair in the room and wear it. It’s big enough to reach your thighs and, if you were more energised, you’d probably stay like this. You grab large pants and put them on.

Once again, you smell lavender all around you.

When you’re back in the living area, you see Taehyung busying himself in the kitchen. He hears your steps and his eyes find yours as a smile appears on his face when he notices that you’re wearing his shirt

“My shirt looks better on you than it’d ever do on me” He teases, his gaze longing on your frame.

“maybe I should keep it then” you smile and ask ; ”Do you need any help?”

“no no no no no, you’ve worked enough already. Go and have some rest. I'll call you when everything’s ready okay?”

Too tired to argue on this anyways -and thankful for the given rest-, you go lay down on the couch, your body oriented to let you look at Taehyung.

As he hums and moves to the chill music that was playing in the background, you start to detail his beautiful figure. From the curl of his dark hair (which you knoW are so so soft to the touch) to his beautiful profile and his nose you love so much down to his broad shoulder and then his tanned abs you see from time to time when the opened shirt of his pyjama moves according to his steps.

oH! Let’s not forget his perfect hands gripping at the pan’s handle while he cooks… vegetables? Something like that yeah.

Taehyung is giving his best into what he’s cooking. Vegetables with rice, that’s the only thing he could do quickly.

Quickly as in less than half an hour, unlike his friend Namjoon who’d take this time just to cook the rice.

The music he put earlier is slowly starting to bore him. After washing his hands, he reaches out for his phone and plays a different playlist. It’s one you name yourself when the two of you were still friends (aka not dating yet). “Taetae fm” because you once joked he should have his own broadcasting channel on the radio. He’d always criticise the music playing so why not have his own channel 👀

“You know Y/n, I actually watched the fashion show live this afternoon. I mean, of course you know because I always do that haha. Anyways, you really were the highlight of the runway tonight. And I’m not saying this in a biased point of view. Okay I might be a bit biased as your boyfriend but I swear that it’s true!! You literally shone back there, especially in that gold dress you were wearing and even the audience was impressed by your looks maybe you didn’t see it on stage but some cameras filmed their reactions and everyone was looking at you. Really, you were so gorge-oh” Taehyung looks at you and smile fondly “Of course you’re asleep, baby”

He lets his phone aside and checks the now cooked food before making his way to the couch. There’s a blanket on the sofa, he covers you with it, scared you might get cold. Taehyung put a loose strand of hair behind your ear and places a kiss on your chin.

You slowly open your eyes and find yourself face to face with him. You both smile.

“Hi there beautiful” He whispers

“what time is it? Did I sleep until the morning?” You’re scared of having slept through the entire nap without realising

“almost 1:20am, I just finished cooking. I thought you might be cold so I went to cover you with the blanket. You should go enjoy the food while it’s still hot, imma go to the toilet”

You nod as an answer and watch him leave upstairs. Getting up from the warmth of the couch is the hardest part so you keep the soft blanket draped around your shoulders and walk towards the kitchen. You grab two bowls and two pairs of chopsticks that you place on the counter along with glasses and a bottle of water.

You then go take care of the rice and the vegetables, which you mix in the pan. The song playing changes and your favourite nighttime tune starts.

“I don’t want a friend, I want my life in two” you sing along

“Waiting to get there, waiting for you” Taehyung’s voice startles you as he grabs your wrists and pulls your back close to him. You smile as he makes the both of you dance slowly. You put his arms around you so it’s like he’s hugging you from the back. You swing around for a little while, enjoying the close proximity as you both softly hum the song, making your body vibrate against each other, moving in perfect coordination.

“I love you” he whispers in your ear and then kisses it, sending chills down your spine, before lifting one of your arm up to make you turn so that you’re now facing him “did my baby sleep well?” You nod as you place your arms around his waist, paying attention to go under the shirt so you’re touching as much skin as possible.

Taehyung chuckles before asking you in that same, chill-sending, low deep voice ; “Still hungry? Because I’m starving”

If you didn’t just wake up, you would’ve definitely caught that lust in his eyes and also the fact that this wasn’t as innocent as it seemed.

As an answer, your stomach growls pretty loudly, making Taehyung laugh . “I’ll take that as a yes. Sit down, princess. Let me take care of you”

You do as he says, jumping on a stool, detailing all of his moves. You only realise how hungry you actually were when you start eating. Rice with vegetables has never tastes better. You eat everything in less than 5 minutes when you’d usually take your time to finish your plate.

“Damn, that was a well needed dinner! Thank you Tae” you mess a bit with his soft locks

“Imagine me who was waiting for you all evening!! I was hungry too” He pouts.

“Oh come on, I was working today. Cardio in heels isn’t the best way to wake up, let alone spend the whole day standing in tight clothes. When I think you has a day off… pfff. I saw the bed, I’m sure you stayed there all day, you lazyyyyyyyyy ass.”

He mumbles some gibberish and you giggle, knowing that you're right. He looks away, crossing his arms and obviously sulking. You leave your stool and stand behind him, wrapping your arms around his neck. You leave a few kisses on his cheek and neck

“- Don’t be such a babyy. You know I love you.

- You do?

- of course, you dummy” you bop his nose "Sooo, what do we have for desert?

- You. Uh I mean!! Yoghurt, fruits, cakes, fruits…anything” he clears his throat

“Great! What do you prefer?” You open the fridge

“ I’d very happily eat you out honestly but an apple sounds good”

“Oh sur- wait whaT!?” You snap your head to him, eyes wide open

what did he sayyyyyyyy?????

whaT am I even supposed to say noW oh my goddddd

You close the fridge’s door, suddenly not so yogurt-hungry.

There’s a sudden silence between the two of you, only disturbed by the music still playing in the background.

“Mhm? What is it?” He turns around to face you, asking so innocently “did I say something wrong ?”

This man knows what he is doing for sure. Has he ever been that straightforward before ?

Taehyung stands and closes the distance between your bodies, now towering over you.

He lowers himself slightly to speak in your ear “what is it baby? Mhm?” You feel his smile on your cheek when he lays a kiss on it “what happened to my all proud and fierce y/n who was so confident telling me I was being lazy all day, huh? Tell me” He lays another kiss on your temple

OkaY

now he’s being a tease

Great

1 A.M. fluffy and bare chested teaser Taehyung

gReAT

Anyhow, it’s a good turn on.

Really.good.freaking.turn.on

Being tired and turned on was definitely not a good mix for you. You could feel the heat rising in your body and hear your heart pounding in your ears.

“Tae…”

He laughs gently seeing you silently begging for more, brushing your face with his lips, teasing another kiss.

“Tsk tsk, you gotta speak darling, I cannot guess”

You should calm down and go to sleep, it’s 1am and you have work tomorrow you should definitely-

“Fuck-“ You sigh and grab his face, sealing your lips together while closing your eyes.

It doesn’t take long for that kiss to turn into a heated make out session.

You grab and pull some of his dark curls while his hands travels under his your shirt.

You break the kiss just a second to catch your breath.

“Have i ever told you you have the perfect body?” Taehyung asks

“Did I ever tell you how perfect you are??” You reply

He laughs, deep raspy laugh.

You’re too tired for this

And because you’re tired, you’re even more horny :D

Taehyung puts his hands behind your thighs and you jump, locking your legs around his waist, hands still in his hair, lips against his while carries you to the bedroom.

He leaves your lips to travel down your jaw and then collarbone. You throw your head back.

Taehyung gently lays you on the mattress of your king sized bed and makes it his personal mission to pleasure you tonight.

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