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#gender rambles
saym0-0 · 6 days
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love the mechs fandom because i can entirely project my gender identity onto jonny but in reverse and like eight people in the reblogs will nod along like yeah yeah that checks out i'll incorporate that into my worldview
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autoerotic-apoptosis · 2 months
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Vitrification
"Why are dolls made of porcelain?"
The question hangs in the air like dust drifting through a sunbeam. The doll and it's witch alike are surprised that it would dare to question it's creation. The witch's eyes twinkle at the good question. Conversation is, after all, the reason the doll was given a mind with thoughts and a mouth to voice them.
"That's a difficult question to answer." She places her teacup down on a shadow. "Would you rather me attempt to spell it out in words or through a demonstration?"
Answering a question with a question comes as naturally to a witch as spinning silk to a spider. Andromeda is curious if her doll will do as it was made to do and continue conversation or whether it will actually seek out its own understanding. She is often fascinated by her doll's little quirks.
The doll places its teacup, bone dry, on a coaster in response. Its head tilts in mock contemplation.
"A demonstration would be best, no? You have said that 'words are only the map to true knowledge', would not a demonstration be more effective than any description? Perhaps you could do both?"
Andromeda must have been rubbing off on the thing. Every time she has her "teatime talk" with the doll, its cadence sounds more like her own. She's almost impressed with the logic that it has demonstrated.
"Okay then... Hand me your teacup."
She opens the sugar pot and leaves it in a sunbeam to let the sugar melt.
"I created this cup from the same clay I used to make you. I dug it from the river back behind the house. I dug it with my own hands."
She spins the molten sugar into candy floss and pulls the dust from the air into pot until the floss is evenly coated.
"I was to make you to have a companion as I drank tea, thus I had to make you a teacup. I had washed the clay until it was an off-white and very pure. Wood would not do, the corpse of a dead old thing is not something a witch should breathe life back into."
She pours some tea into the pot to dissolve the candy floss, leaving only the dusty cobwebs behind.
"Along with yarn or cotton, anything once alive or once part of the living often takes poorly to being given life once again unless the witch is very skilled."
The teacup is placed within the pot and is held firmly in place by the syrupy threads
"They will tear at their puppet strings as though they are being bound, all things that have known a life without such bindings will do so."
At this, the doll speaks up.
"Why would these dolls do such a thing? Don't they know it will destroy them?"
"Have you experienced pain yet, doll?"
"No, Mistress."
"Then it is another difficult thing too explain. The fear of bondage is much like pain, it is used to keep living things alive for as long as possible. It tells them when something might be causing harm to their body. You are lucky in that you have been made of something much tougher than flesh or bark. Pain is significantly rarer for something like yourself."
"Is that it then? Porcelain is used so the dolls do not feel pain?"
Andromeda sharply taps the inside of the teacup with her spoon and causes a small crack to form. A sister crack appears on the face of the doll and it winces from the new experience. "No. It is not to prevent pain. That is nearly a useful happenstance. It is, partially, that clay is the easiest dead thing to shape at will."
*Tap tap tap* The cup shatters into pieces and the doll follows suit. The cobwebs keep the many fragments exactly in place and prevent the doll from clattering to the floor. It tries to scream but no part of its throat is whole enough to make a sound.
"Primarily, it is because clay is the easiest thing to recycle."
Andromeda pours what is left of the tea into what used to be a teacup. As she swirls the tea she grinds her spoon into the sides of the thing. The tea and porcelain dust begin to combine into a brownish slurry. What's left of the doll is held in stasis, its now liquid mind bubbling in infinite agony.
"I do apologize for this. I know it must be quite uncomfortable. I have really come to appreciate our talks and the ways you surprise me. Your imperfections are far more interesting than anything I could have made intentionally. This way I can add imperfections without destroying you completely."
She looks into the pot with satisfaction. A perfect replica of the unfinished cup she made so long ago but now a speckled brownish green.
"I promise, you will remember each of our conversations. Since you technically haven't been taken apart, nearly remade without loss, you will maintain all your memories and personality. I'm just remaking you but better!"
She places the lid back on the sugar pot and leaves it in the sun to vitrify. By sundown her doll should be done and ready to take out of its mold.
Andromeda wonders what conversations they will have next time.
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sweetpuddincake · 2 years
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Been thinking about my gender...
I've been on hrt for 1.5yrs. At this point I wouldn't say I "pass" but I look feminine enough that people don't immediately assume I am trans. It's weird because I had to wear the trans identity for so long.
Originally my goal was to go stealth. Now that going stealth is actually an option I'm not sure what to do. It feels like if I want to be hidden I will need to sacrifice my pride. Take down the pins, flags, and stickers that say I'm proud of who I am and what I have been through to get here.
I am not ashamed of being transgender. I wish I was a cis woman, but being trans makes me who I am.
Basically, this is a round about way of saying I'm using She/They now
There is a little trans creature inside me and I don't think it's going anywhere. Probably because I love them.
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too-music · 6 months
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I should be called a strange little fellow at some point instead of quirky girl, but that’s just a pipe dream at this point
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marrfixated · 4 months
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Booo gender dysphoria booo here’s my new gender identity
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2peekychu · 1 month
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gender is weird. i’m a cis girl thing but i am on hrt and immensely happy. i love my facial hair and bottom growth and everything. i don’t id as a trans guy lol (or rly trans at all) . my gender is a secret third thing where i’m just a girl in the world . nonbinary sometimes, girl sometimes, cool all the time
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gracedepp · 6 months
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important
twitter saw it first but i wanted to share here as well !!
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thank you for taking your time to read :)
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archiesfagfantasy · 8 months
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generally i am resistant to the term nonbinary, even though thats what i am basically. it's just that there is a human tendency to reify the negation: it becomes impossible to say "i am not that thing" without making the not-thing into a thing. this is a problem of materialism specifically.
when it comes time to explain myself (which i loathe), i oscillate erratically between agender and bigender, in a precarious balance of emptiness and abundance, contradiction and imagination...
it's necessary to resist making 'nothing' into a 'thing' as we would find natural in materialism; agenderism must not be conceptualised as A Gender, nor even as a person prior to gender. it's not enough to be a person without a gender identity. instead we require an escewing of the question of personhood entirely. there is no person. at least not insorfar as a person is a thing.
and equally, when faced with contradictions of bigenderism, the answer is not to materially synesise the two into one, into a kind of third state product of perfect dialectic, an infinite procession of fractal microgenders... instead, the trick is to rest in the contradiction and let it reveal its transcendental principle.
but also, eventually comes a point where we must abandon words. both, neither, either. all lose meaning. whatever it is that we find here, it cannot be linguistically explicated.
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Side of femme where I love being a woman and dressing up in pretty outfits and makeup and making jokes and being called a girl and she but masc in a way where I want to play the hell out of male roles and I tend to attach myself emotionally to male characters and I love those few pictures I have of me that look like a guy and-
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hypn0wh0r3s · 2 months
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I see a pretty lady and then I'm a lesbian but not a woman in the cis way but more like in the "raised woman but not really practicing" way. like I'm attracted to women on the basis they see me as masc-ish little guy who's also a girl. but if a queer man is in the dateable range then I'm a gay guy, but not really in a man way more like a little guy way, which circles back around to the non-practicing woman/little guy/animal sort of fluctuations of my gender. like if I get called a good girl my tail is gonna wag and hearts appear in my eyes unless it's from someone obviously perceiving me as a Woman. being perceived as a Man is a less upsetting but still incorrect, you know? I guess that all sums up to the genderfluid category is the fluid kinda fully ignores the main binary?
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helsex-moved · 9 months
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For me androgyny has never been a goal despite being nonbinary bc they way being androgynous is always presented is 'i can't tell if you're a boy or a girl ' which still connects me to the binary and in a way that leaves the possibility of me being a girl
I'd rather be masc with my own wild and freakish style that makes people instead go 'good lord what are you'
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saym0-0 · 4 days
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made my [male] sdv character a skirt and now im coming up with all kinds of lore for him. he learnt to sew to make himself gender affirming clothes. he uses he/him because he doesn't know what his gender is and hes fairly oksy with he/him. hes a little freak who wears leaves in his hair and befriended all the old people before anyone his age.
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sweetpuddincake · 2 years
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I identify as a pan-demisexual transwoman. I also like to call myself a lesbian in the context of my marriage. Those labels are great for me to be able to convey to another person what I am.
That being said, there seems to be a lot of pressure to find labels in queer communities. I see posts all the time about people who are unsure if they are "trans enough". It seems like labels get detrimental at that point. Realistically the only thing that matters is trying to be yourself. Like wearing a binder? Great! Attracted to gnc people? Cool! Not attracted to anyone? Awesome!
There are no rules here. Find your comfort zone. Once you've settled, you can find some words that feel good. Hell you might even find words that no one else is using. Again, there are literally no rules.
Lastly, it's ok for your identity to change. People change constantly. There is nothing wrong with trying something new, or feeling like an identity isn't working anymore.
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too-music · 7 months
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My one friend noting down instances of my egg moments like a therapist wondering if their client will make the break through or not in their sessions
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marrfixated · 4 months
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I always feel like I have to prove my gender to myself, and I don’t even know what my gender really is. I feel like I have to refer to myself as a guy whenever I call myself a girl, even though I know being a woman is something so deeply ingrained into my identity that I’m proud of. But I AM a guy. And a girl. But both? I don’t know. I feel like I can never be whatever it is I identify as. Too much of a woman to be a man, too much of a man to be a woman, too masculine and feminine to ever be something neutral, and so in love with those sides to ever be something that encompasses them. But it’s something I can hold enough and something I want to be able to feel enough that I WANT a label. Genderfluid works, but I couldn’t ever say it felt right. It feels like it’s always the same, but “the same” is never something static. I feel comfortable in my body however, but I always want something else. I couldn’t come out if I wanted to because of the area I live in, but am I even trans enough that I could come out yet? I guess I’m fine with being just what people think I am. It’s hard enough to figure out myself.
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shxrpest-lives · 2 months
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“I’m making fem redesigns of my favorite characters!” *everyone has long hair regardless of personality or logic* *everyone in skirts and dresses regardless of personality or logic* *everyone is straight and attracted to men regardless of personality or logic* *everyone becomes femme instead of fem* *butches do not exist because femme is the opposite of male. Because of course. Regardless of personality or logic*
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